E210: Building Trust with Your Body and Self

E210: Building Trust with Your Body and Self with Paula Jeffery

Paula is a homeopath and hypnotherapist, with a special interest in human design (2/4 Sacral MG!). Her work is rooted in remembering that healing is first and foremost a journey back to self and, with the powerful support of Homeopathy, she helps women heal from chronic mental, emotional, and physical dis-ease…

[01:01] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to bring you a new and special guest to the show. Welcome, Paula.

Paula Jeffery: Hello. I'm so happy to be here.

VL: It's so great to have you and I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner. but here we are together. So why don't we just dive into things? Why don't you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

PJ: For sure I'm Paula Jeffrey. I'm based in Winnipeg, Manitoba in Canada, but I am a virtual person. so I serve people all over the world, which has been my favorite thing to come out of the last few years when switching the virtual.

But I'm a homeopath. I also have training in hypnotherapy and in human design, so I kind of dabble and find different things that sort of align with my general philosophy of helping people heal their chronic illness by reconnecting with themselves and with their body and with their energy and with the parts of them that have been trying to express through their lifetime and have been forced to be silent or been shut down or been told they're not enough and things like that. So I work primarily with homeopathy. Homeopathy is a branch of natural medicine that uses homeopathic remedies. Which are potentized versions of basically anything plants, minerals, animals, substances, energies, it's an energetic medicine that basically helps shift your body's energetic state so that your body remembers how to heal itself. So I really like it because it's really natural. it's really all about empowering your inner vitality and reminding your body how to heal instead of forcing it to do these things which so much of our medicine is focused on. So it's really about allowing and empowering and supporting and guiding so that's kind of my MO in my whole philosophy and homeopathy really embodies that so yeah.

VL: That is so cool. And to be honest, I don't know much about it. So I'm really excited to chat with you today and learn as much as I can because as a line one in HD, I like to discover all those kinds of new things and get to all those little details. So thanks so much for sharing about that. I guess my first question for you is really about how we get to build this relationship with ourselves so that we can understand and let me preface by saying, when I also work with my health coaching clients, or even in the Pilates studio when I'm teaching people whether I'd be one on one or in groups, I noticed that we are so disconnected from our own bodies. I'll ask someone how's your body feeling today? They just kind of look at me blankly or they'll shrug and say usual. And, you know, it's like, I'm not asking you just for the sake of asking. I genuinely want to know how your body is. and they just don't have the answer. or maybe they don't have the answer in that moment. but how can we? how can we understand our bodies? Where do we start with this relationship?

[04:35] PJ: That's a really good question. And probably like the million dollar question for people.

I find one thing that I really love about homeopathy is, there's not really the end goal isn't really to figure out what's wrong with your body and why it's wrong. The perspective in homeopathy is really that you have a core energy that we call the vital force, which, you know, in yoga, they have a term for it and TCM they have a term for like every, you know, there's lots of different ways to talk about this energy and in homeopathy, it's the vital force.

And the idea is that the vital force communicates to us through symptoms through feelings through expressions. So it's not really about why do I have the skin rash or Where's it coming from or what imbalances that are caused by? It's really just oh, there is a skin rash and I'm noticing it and I know that my body is talking to me through that rash. So there's more of a kind of unprejudiced observer and unbiased observation of what is happening in your body and I find that that's a really good place to start, especially for folks who are coming from a very I mean, the culture that we live in where it's very much what's wrong with my body, how do I fix it? And stepping away from that into a more holistic perspective of what is in my body? What am I noticing? What do I feel right now? What do I see right now? Can be kind of that first step towards being that unprejudiced observer where we're not really looking to figure out a cause or a problem or solution. we're just looking for the sake of looking just to be witnessed just to tell our body like I see you, I hear you.

And I think that one way to kind of start playing with that is to get back to those basics of your bodily functions. So it might be really hard for people to all of a sudden tune in and be like, how is my body feeling today and name all these symptoms or feelings or experiences? Because that can be kind of overwhelming.

But to get back to the basics of, oh, I'm hungry. I'm gonna feed myself or oh, I have to pee. I'm gonna pee. And just like noticing those very basic body functions, which sounds so silly, but most people have shut off their awareness to those things in some capacity. So I feel like that's a really good place to start in terms of noticing your body and building relationships with it. because it happens all day every day.

[07:05] VL: It’s so true.

Yeah, you know what, now that you've mentioned it, I do. So I'm just trying to think of my own practice because I'll use myself as an example, I guess. When I lead guided meditations or yoga classes, and we're in that part of the class, the shavasana, or we're in the meditation where we're like, calming down and getting into the space.

I will lead the group in and I will practice this on my own. It's like being the observer, the non judgmental observer, and just noticing in that moment, so, you know, sometimes for me, it's like the simplest thing of like, I just noticed how I'm breathing. Right, like, Does my body need a deeper breath? Am I sitting in a funny way where I felt constricted or, or done a search and noticed? Yeah, I feel a little pain in my shoulder or, Oh, my hand feels a little bit ticklish or whatever those really subtle things are on notice just like how the breath goes in through my nostrils and like there's like this subtle tickling my nostrils, right. And I feel like I do that in these moments of mindfulness and awareness where I have the intention that this is the focus right now is I'm going to focus on my body. And I think building that as a habit has really helped me to be aware of things like, oh, I have to pee right now and I'm gonna go the bathroom or like, oh, yeah, I'm really hungry. And I know that a lot of people don't even know the difference between when they're hungry and when they're thirsty. So I guess this is like a really roundabout way of asking what are some of the ways that we can start doing this throughout our day? and not just, you know, in our yoga practice, or when we're doing tai chi or when we're one on one in session with you, for example?

[08:58] PJ: Yeah, I think that I really liked that. Use those examples because sometimes it does require those kinds of really intentional, unprejudiced observing moments in order to build that capacity to notice things throughout your day.

But I think that when you're looking at those moments throughout the day, we already do notice them. It's just a matter of ignoring them. I think that's kind of the disconnect for a lot of people is, we know that we have to pee, but instead we're saying no, no, I don't have time I have to, you know, finish this reporter to finish this case or have to finish doing this thing and then I can go And the more that we do that, the more we are kind of telling our body like, no, no, you're wrong. You're not correct in what I need right now. I know what I need. This is what takes priority.

And I think that for a lot of people choosing one of those bodily functions is probably the best place to start to just be like, you know, what, today I'm just gonna focus on making sure that I drink water when I'm thirsty. I'm gonna have a cup of water on my table. And anytime I think about thirst, I'm gonna grab that cup of water. I'm gonna drink some and just noticing how that shifts things for you. And that could be with water that could be with food.

Another thing that I noticed is that some people need things like timers. I'm one of those people when it comes to eating food because I will get into case mode and I will be studying and working and just totally zeroed out on everything else in my life. And I will work on that case for hours and hours and then all of a sudden, I'm starving, and I'm desperate for food. I'm so hungry, and then you end up going for a really high carb. My brain needs nourishment right now. And so I'm just kind of shoving it in whatever's in front of me. Versus if I had maybe set that timer for 12 o'clock to say check in and say am I hungry right now? Do I need a snack? Do I need lunch? do I need to take a break? but I find that those timers can be really helpful sometimes just as an opportunity to check back in not necessarily. a timer goes off and eats right now. but a timer going off and saying Oh how am I feeling Am I hungry, what do I need.

[11:13] VL: That's a great idea. I'm similar to you and like once I've been that's something I can very easily lose track of and then all of a sudden it's like famished because I stepped away from what I was doing. I think I noticed that the most when I might be doing a really big public speaking presentation or something that I'm really nervous about. it's like, my body doesn't know what's hungry or thirsty or has to go to the bathroom and then it's the moment the second that event is over. I'm like oh my god, I have to pee. I'm so hungry like nobody likes to talk to me that will look at me. I need to water right now.

And I didn't realize any of those things. so I like the idea of having those timers having those check-ins to connect with that because sometimes you need that obvious reminder and it's not forever but it's a great way to get started for sure. Thanks for sharing that.

Now, okay, so let's say we've built this relationship a little bit better and we're aware of the very basic things when we need to eat, when we need to squash or when we need to have a drink. What happens next when we do get a rash or we do notice our digestion? Like let's say we're bloated or maybe our sleep quality has gone down?

What do we do then?

PJ: That’s a great question.

I think that it's it's so individual for each person, but maybe I'll share a bit about where I feel I've landed in terms of how I feel about my health and my symptoms. And what I do when and when I coach clients on when stuff comes up. And what that is, is I feel like as you build this relationship with your body as you start to trust those cues that your body is telling you, as your body learns that you trust those cues. And it knows K when you often talk about the body is kind of like a toddler that you're taking care of.

Because I find them very similar in the sense that if a toddler says to you, I have to trust them and you take them to the bathroom and you help them out. Then there's a level of trust that's been built between you and that toddler, this person, something that I need. They're going to respect that and I know that I can come to them and that builds a relationship that there's a trust and I think that's one of the most important pieces of health in terms of chronic illness when we're trying to heal from it. or just maintaining our health day to day is having that level of trust between body and soul.

So when symptoms come up, instead of seeing that rash come up and feeling like our body has failed or body is doing something to harm us or there's something wrong with our body. we see that that body or that toddler is really just saying to us something's off and we need a little bit of support.

And there's so many different places you can go and a symptom comes up. Obviously my go to is homeopathy I find that the easiest route for me and for other people, it's different things, different modalities, but I find that one of the most powerful and important things that you can lean on first when symptoms come when a symptom comes off is that that sense of trust. It's just like your body needing to pee. It's your body saying, I have a system that needs support. When you need to pee, it's going into the bathroom when you need to eat, it's feeding yourself. When it's a rash. It might be something else, it could be something that has to do with the life situation. It could be something that has to do with an irritant. Maybe you got a new laundry detergent and it's irritating your skin. So it's really just your body communicating to you and being able to meet your body in a place of neutrality and trusting that your body right now is communicating something really important to you.

And it's not always your job to dive into it and figure out what's wrong and you know go down the rabbit hole. Sometimes it's just noticing it and realizing that your body is potentially already resolving that issue. By the time that symptom comes on your body has responded adequately. It's protected you from whatever incoming stimuli is bothering your body. And now it's dealing with it. And I find that non intervention can often be the most powerful tool that we have is to just kind of say, okay, I'm okay with this as long as I can stay regulated and feel safe in terms of what's coming up. Obviously if there's something emergent happening, we have to do something. But how can we support ourselves as a symptom loops through and just see if our body can do what it needs to do to resolve it, because oftentimes it can’t.

[16:09] VL: Whoa. It's a lot, but it's also really important.

I think one of the things that really stands out to me is this lack of trust in our bodies, and it's like we treat our bodies like machines we treat our bodies like we like they owe us something, you know, and it's like, okay, because I catch myself in this mindset to know I've got to go to the gym four to five times a week. I've got to make sure that I'm drinking my greens every day. I've got to make sure that I'm getting the eight hours of sleep I need to and it's like, well I'm doing this for you to my body and my body doesn't like something or it's tired. Your daughter doesn't want to go to the gym today. And I feel this resistance like what the heck like we need to do this because we have things to do and we have people to see and we have places to go. And I do see that a lot. I recognize that a lot with other people in their relationship and building that trust as well. So what are maybe some tips that you have or insights on?

Maybe the ways in which we can catch ourselves in those moments of like that lack of trust or for maybe another way we could say is like lack of self appreciation or self love. I feel like it's not the right term. But you know what I mean? Where it's like, what's something that we can say or affirm or remind ourselves of to remind ourselves in those moments that we're feeling a little bit at war with our bodies?

JP: Yeah, I think it's a huge practice and, you know, we all have our ebbs and flows with it.

I think really shifting the perspective, away from the model of when my body has symptoms, it's broken to when my body has symptoms, it's already healing. That's a really powerful one for a lot of people. If my body is talking to me through symptoms, it's because it has the capacity to respond to what's happening. If you go out on a super hot day and drink no water and you get heatstroke. It's not a sign that your body is broken. It's a sign that your body is trying to conserve water, Protect your organs and keep you alive. And honestly, thank you. Like, that's fantastic. I'm so sorry for not drinking more water. I'm gonna go get some now like there's a clear intention that your body has to keep you alive. That's what we always say: it's your body's job to keep you alive. Your selfs job is to help you thrive and be happy and all of those other things but your, your body isn't survival.

So just kind of shifting that perspective of kind of welcoming those symptoms and trusting that they have a purpose. And your job is to really meet them halfway and see how you can support them. Go drink that water, heat stroke, you know, like how can I support my body as it moves through this.

I think it is really important with symptoms is a felt sense of safety. If we are in a state where we have symptoms coming up, and it's triggering danger cues in our body that's triggering fight or flight or shut down or panic or anything like that, then we are not in a space where our body can heal or take care of itself. So, safety and learning how to shift your body into a sense of safety is one of the most important things for things like that because it just really amplifies everything when you're feeling unsafe in your body. So that's one of those really core things that I find a lot of people with chronic illness really struggle with, because a lot of their symptoms are rooted in that sense of danger or lack of safety. So oftentimes, I really recommend people get to know their nervous systems, get to know, regulating, get to know, even just the very simple task of orienting to their environment of noticing what's around them.

And oftentimes, it's hard, really hard to notice what's happening inside of you if you're in that state, because you, you really protected yourself by disconnecting from the body, which I think a lot of people have done over the years. We're really taught to do that even just as kids you know, to ignore body cues, you know, can't go to the bathroom till lunchtime. You can't, you know, all of those things that we learn as we're kids kind of get ingrained in us. and I think a lot of adults today are very shut off from their bodies not not not on purpose, but for a sense of safety that knowing what's happening inside. Sometimes it's too dangerous for us. so that's the other element that I think is important.

[20:55] VL: I'm glad you said it's rooted in safety, because safety is such a foundational part of our lives and our beings and ourselves and our bodies and that feeling.

I was on a road trip recently where I was by myself and in a very different place. And I love traveling and I love solo traveling and I know that when I am traveling by myself, I am in a heightened state of awareness of my surroundings in my environment. So yeah, so it's really interesting, coming home and being in a new place and how I respond to things and how I'm alert to things and where my guard is put down. And I noticed that as soon as I get to the destination from that transit, right, if I know that I'm safe, I feel like I crash and I have the best sleep ever because I just use so much energy into staying awake or alert or aware whatever it is I need to do. And the other thing I noticed, especially with this recent road trip I went on was that I had to go to the bathroom.

But there was not a bathroom nearby and so I'm like, I'm not gonna pull over on the side of the road in the middle of a cornfield in Ohio because that's not safe.

So I you know, was putting in like rest stops the GPS knows like, okay, like we can do this 20 minutes like we're gonna get there it's gonna be fine and it's interesting because I've never really been on a road trip like this by myself so I'm I'm learning as I'm going but I definitely recognized as one of the things was like a really need to make sure that I have a rest stop or going to the bathroom before I'm leaving someplace or whatever that is because my stomach hurt so much like my lower abdomen was on so much pain even after I went to the bathroom, and I was like, yeah, no, I don't know how people hold their pee all day. Like I really don't know how people do that. so uncomfortable stuff which paid And I kinda said to my body was like, look, let's listen, we're not going to do that again. Okay, we're gonna go to the bathroom the moment we get awkward.

but yeah, that just reminded me of that. And again, like rooted in safety, safety. is that foundation safety are those roots and it's like, as soon as you can get to those points as soon as you can build that foundation. there's so much more opportunity for growth or our healing or our relationship to build or that neutralizing of our energy. If you could say like that, I guess.

[23:41] PJ: Yeah, totally.

And I liked that you use that example? Because I think that that's a really good example of suppressing those needs in a safety or danger driven situation, not danger. Obviously you are okay. But that sense of safety wasn't there and so, things were kind of suppressed and we were kind of ignoring what was happening in the body. And I think that even just noticing that for yourself is really cool because you can see what safety feels like versus not so much that you feel a sense of safety. And I know what came to mind for me was people who will go on vacation and get sick, those I don't know if you know anyone like that, where like every time they go on vacation, they get sick like a coal or they're the ones you know, they're the ones who get food poisoning. They're the ones that get whatever issue that people get in that place.

Those Mexico trips that's always what it makes me think of.

But I always find that really interesting, and I didn't really understand it before like, before I understood this concept of the body expressing symptoms and the body, feeling safe and all of that stuff is that I think a lot of times the people who experienced that are the ones who are living their day to day life in a very stressed fight or flight shutdown way where they're just kind of trying to get to the next day. They're working too hard. They're running themselves to the cloud. And then they go on vacation and they finally let go and the body feels safe enough to allow things to come up. And that can be really challenging, especially when you're healing chronic symptoms, because sometimes it's when you reach that safety point that your body is like, okay, great. We can let all of this out. And that can be intense. And I know for me I had a really challenging last year and a half because my partner got a concussion. So we were dealing with a lot of really challenging stuff there. And so I was on fighter flight. I'm in management mode. I have to be okay because my partner is not. I have to manage everything. And sure enough, when that ended when he went back to work this summer, I felt my entire body just be like Oh, okay!

And it just shut down like, and I thought I was okay. I mean I did a lot of really good work for myself. Through the year to make sure that I was supported and did my best. But at the end of the day stress is stress and you can only do so much for it. So that was really interesting for me, but I kind of felt like that person who goes on holidays and, you know, crashes because I was like, Oh, we're out. We're out. We're out of it. We're into the good part of life like he's back at work, everything's good. And then my body just shut down. And it was great. We're done.

[26:43] VL: It's really cool to notice those kinds of dynamics of what safety feels like. And that's such a huge example. I think about this all the time. Not just going on vacation one but what you said about the dynamics in your partnership because my grandmother for a long time for like my whole life. My grandfather was really sick. And it was one of those things where I was like you have a few years to live which turned into 10 years of his life which was amazing. That we got to have my grandpa around and spending that time with him for that much longer than everyone thought. But during those 10 years, my grandmother was taking care of him every second of every day, and the moment or not the moment but days after my grandfather passed away. My grandmother started shutting down healthwise. And she was diagnosed with diabetes. And then eventually, like later on, she had a quadruple bypass surgery and it's like all of these things that seemed to have come on. All of the sudden had happened right after she didn't have to take care of someone else anymore. And that's something that I'm, I mean, in a way that I'm grateful to have experienced and been able to observe as an 18 year old who was like, Whoa, what's going on here? I'm noticing this, but I've also noticed it again, in situations where people retire, and they don't work anymore. And through this transition of like, well, now what do I do? Now? Who am I and that's like this identity almost, and I don't know and maybe you can explain this. like, I don't know if the retirement part is safety… but maybe like, maybe it's more of like they've reached a goal, they've attained a goal and then all of the sudden the goal is done so they don't have that next goal or that next chapter or they don't know what it is like, you know what I'm saying?

PJ: Totally. I think there's a lot of layers to all of it and it totally depends on the person and what's happening for them. But like in homeopathy, we always are looking at kind of the causations and and shocking life changes or events. That mean anything in our environment is something that our body has to respond to right. The smoothie that you're drinking, your body is having to respond to it's having to say okay, what is this? What do we do with it? How do we move it through? How do we process it? Is this good? Is it bad yada yada?

And life events are just the same as that and I think that we, you know, we don't necessarily give them as much attention, but something like retirement even if you're planning for it, even if you have, you know, looked forward to it for the last 20 years, even you know, whatever the circumstances that's still a huge shock to the system. You're changing one of the most major parts of your life. For the most part, most people the biggest part of their life is their job. And so all of a sudden, that's gone. And it's a stressor, that shift is a stressor, just like my partner going back to work where I thought this is going to be the best thing ever. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Oh, I'm a puddle of wash. I don't know what to do with myself. positive experiences carry grief. positive experiences are stressful, positive experiences are something your body has to transition to and get used to.

Someone came to mind when you're talking about the retirement thing. And I think that for some people, their jobs have them kind of in a state of suppression, a state of kind of shutting down certain parts of themselves.

And also when they retire, all of a sudden that stuff has to kind of be phased. So I mean, there could be two ways that it goes. It could be a job that maybe wasn't great for you. And there's stuff that needs to be dealt with around that. And you can't safely deal with it while you're in the job because you need the job to survive. So then when that job goes away, the body says okay, now we can talk about the trauma of that terrible boss you had or now we can talk about how stressful it was. We can recover from the long hours we can do all this. The other side of things I think is kind of that positive grief. It's a job that you really love. it was a lot of your identity. And now that it's gone Who am I like we see that with people healing from chronic illness to a lot of people get really stuck in chronic illness because it's become their identity and letting go of it means letting go of online forums, friends who have that illness , the secondary gains, right the things that we get because we have those symptoms. So I think that there's a lot of different things that come into play there. But any change brings a force of your body needing to adapt and say, Okay, let's do inventory. What's going on?

[31:49] VL: Oh my goodness, you're so right. That's so incredible to even just scratch the surface of I know that people are going to be listening and thinking like, oh, I have a very individual very specific need and question so where can people find you and follow you and not only support your business but also support their own health? And is it called homeostasis? Like, what do I call it?

PJ: Yeah, homeostasis.

VL: Okay. Got it. So yeah, where can they connect with you to learn more and to work with?

PJ: Yeah, for sure. I like to use the word homeostasis because that's, I think that's a good word to remember that. We're not seeking perfection of health. We're seeking the ability to ebb and flow through the changes and through everything. So I'm glad you brought that up.

WEBSITE | http://www.paulajeffrey.com

IG | @healingwithpaula www.instagram.com/healingwithpaula

VL: Thank you. That's awesome.

Before we get into the final segment of the show, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share before we go into our rapid fire round.

PJ: It's probably been said but I think it's just a good reminder that your body is so much wiser. Many people have given credit to and it knows exactly what it's doing. That's always something that I have gone through my brain. Every day it's just my body knows exactly what it's doing and that's, that's really cool.

RAPID FIRE ROUND

What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

PJ: Currently reading Homeopathy for Today’s World: Discovering Your Animal, Mineral or Plant Nature by Dr. Rajan Sankaran

What does “empowerment” mean to you?

PJ: Ooh Empowerment is…an energy supporting your body and self to do what it needs to do and have the capacity to do what it needs to do.

What is your longest standing habit?

PJ: Oh, that's tough. I have a non consistent manifesting generators so those things change a lot. That's a really good question. I feel like my longest standing habit is probably loving homeopathy. I have been doing that since I was 13. so that's probably it.

What are you currently working toward?

PJ: The first word that came into my mind was stability. So I think I'm working towards stability this season.

[37:00] VL: Thank you so much for being part of the podcast. This has been a very interesting conversation that I feel like we could talk about for a lot longer. And I know that I'm going to be continuing these conversations with you and your social media. And I hope that the listener who is feeling called or connected to you also reaches out to work with you as well as to find different ways to support their own body and honestly, you have been such a the right word like your posts are very interesting and insightful and educational. And I've really looked to them, one for inspiration, but also as a bit of a resource tool for me because I honestly and still don't really know a lot about homeopathy, which I learned how to save properly today.

So I'm really excited to continue learning from you and yeah, I just think the world is really lucky to have you in it, and the things that you do in a couple you support I know, feel the same way. So again I'm just very grateful for you are here today. Thank you.

PJ: Thank you so much for having me. This is a lot more fun, and I could say all those things back to you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!