BONUS: Empowered Beauty

BONUS: Empowered Beauty with Natalie James of Vent Blow Dry Bar

The inspiring, the resilient, and the talented Natalie James joins us to talk about being confident in your own skin as well as leaving the 9-5 to becoming an entrepreneur...

UPDATED JANUARY 2021: Vent Blow Dry Bar closed during the 2020 Pandemic and Lockdown. We hope to have Natalie back on the show in the near future to learn more about her new endeavours and how she is transitioning. So much love for this woman and her story, she is an absolute joy and inspiration.

Welcome Natalie!

PART ONE: Being Comfortable in your Own Skin

[3:40] You have one of the most unique and empowering stories I've ever heard. Could you share your journey to self love with us?

Natalie was born a rare condition called Right-Side Isolated Hemihyperplasia. Which is a rare condition that one side of the body grows faster than the other. It can show up in a variety of ways, for Natalie it was everything from the neck down. She was never really aware of her condition because she didn't know any different, until she was about 10 years old, when young girls start to become more aware of their bodies, other kids your age start noticing that you're different. So there was a whole series of things that happened around that time.

Natalie became a lot more self-conscious. she had a significant limp, she stood off centre because it caused a-symmetry. This lead to some bullying, and a lot of insecurity around all of it. Around the age of 10, she went back to see doctors, to see what she could do, with hopes of being able to be “fixed” and look like everyone else. To her disappointment, the doctors didn't know a lot about the rare condition and said that there was an option for surgery down the road when she finished growing. And then the doctor said to her, “Try and look at the bright side, and be grateful. You're a pretty girl and it didn't effect your face.”

These words, although not meant to be hurtful, at the time, Natalie took those words to mean, hide your body and only show your face. And this is what she started to do, for the next 20 years. She felt shame, she felt that being different wasn't accepted or okay. But yet she felt like a confident person. She was hiding herself to feel “like everyone else” and to not let people know what she was hiding.

It was a mental, physical, and emotional struggle for a lot of years. It also taught Natalie that words can be very impactful.

[7:33] What were some of the things you did to help you cope with and over come the tough parts of these impactful life events?

There were some things that looking back, Natalie did like finding resources and tools to cope. She found so much comfort in the stories of other people who faced adversity. She was enamoured by their strength and their courage and aspired to be like that.

Over time, her own resilience started to build up. She was angry and confused, but thinks that in those moments you become stronger and more resilient. She didn't think that she realized how it was all happening for her. But she did begin to find comfort in it, even though she was still hiding her body.

She was still growing a lot as a person, and she found a lot of comfort and piece through expressing herself through hair and makeup.It was something Natalie did that could transform me and make me feel beautiful and confident, which has transferred to where she is now. Looking back it was important for her at the time.

[9:35] How was what you went through growing up shaped who you are today?

All of it does. Being born with a rare condition, losing my father at a really young age in a tragic way, having to go through a really painful surgery that had me bedridden for the better part of a year, it gave me this grit and this resilience to be able to do hard things. And to be able to see the end of the tunnel in a lot of situations. When you're in it if feels like the end of the world sometimes, but when you go through things enough, you really just come out with a different perspective. It really taught me valuable skills and built my character and strengthen my mindset. I'm stronger now, and no stranger to crisis. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe there are lessons to be learned in every situation that we go through.

[11:10] Your mental and emotional strength is inspiring. When it comes to being comfortable in your own skin, what advice would you give women today?

I would say that, rather than giving your challenges and your struggles power, you need to take that power. You need to own it and embrace it, and you need to let it be what fuels you to find your purpose. Because, no body is perfect and I think that's really hard for a lot of us because what we see, we tend to fixate on like the things we don't have, or the things that we want. But I honestly feel like we are all unique and beautiful and that is our power. It really is.

[12:41] How do we find that part of us that says, “I am beautiful” and “I don't have to be perfect?”

It took me many years to come to terms with my condition. I was angry, and I felt really alone and overtime my perspective just changed. And I think it changed in the perspective that I really believe that this was a gift rather than a curse. And I think it's really about changing how you look at things. And I think I was given this gift to empower other women. And by doing that, by empowering other women, I'm empowering myself. And every time I share my story, I become more and more confident myself, and feel like, this is my purpose. And there's nothing more powerful than feeling like you are actually living the life you are meant to live.

Listen, I held myself back for 20 years. It took me a long time. And there are still bad days. I'm not saying that everything is perfect, and that I still don't struggle, and it's okay to have those days, but those days will end, and tomorrow is a new day. And I think that having that perspective, and taking that fire or whatever it is in you and flipping that switch and using it as your power is so amazing when you can actually feel it. And know that when you embrace who you are, and you share authentically and vulnerably, and people will become more connected to you.

Brene Brown talks about the power of vulnerability and how it is the key to connection. So for a lot of people who feel disconnected because of their struggle, they really need to learn that by being vulnerable they will find those connections that they're craving.

[15:15] You are the founder of Vent Blow Dry Bar. Tell us more about your business, what services you offer, as well as the purpose and mission behind these services?

I walked away from my career in 2015, and I set out to join the world of entrepreneurship. After 2 years of research and construction we opened in July of 2017.

At Vent Blow Dry Bar we offer blowouts, styling, and make up, in a unique luxury environment. Basically it's providing an exceptional service with a unique experience. It was really important to me to not be an other hair salon, I wanted to provide something different. So it's not meant to replace your hair stylist, it's meant to fill the gaps in between.

Our clients sit at a style bar, there's music playing, there are TVs with rom-coms, we have a liquor license so we can serve some bubbly, and it's a really unique experience so that women can feel relaxed and get some much needed time back to themselves. Although it would seem like a simple service that we provide, it really isn't. There's so much purpose and a mission behind this. Personally, the value of this expression for me made me feel so confident, and beautiful, and I really wanted to create an environment for other women to feel the same way.

PART TWO: LEAVING THE 9-5 FOR YOUR 24/7

[17:13] But you weren't always the CEO of your own company. Before that you had what society would call a “successful” career in politics and not-for-profit. Tell us about this leap into entrepreneurship.

In 2015 I decided to leave my career and I was also approaching 40 so I think that played a bit of a role in that. It's funny how those numbers do something to you. I was really beginning to feel unfulfilled; to put it simply. I loved the work I was doing, and the career was amazing, and I always feel very lucky to have had that experience. But it was predictable.

I am a planner and like to look at the 5 year, and 10 year goals that I have, and when I began to look 5 years ahead, it looked exactly the same. and I think that just kind of got my wheels turning. I had always been inspired by entrepreneurs and their willingness to take risks.

My father was an entrepreneur. He was an architect and a designer, and I used to spend a lot of time with him going to work. I loved tracing over drawings, and hearing stories of people with these amazing businesses, and had the opportunity to see them unfold and come to fruition. I thought it was the most amazing thing. So I actually thought I wanted to follow in his footsteps and become an architect, and build other peoples dreams for them. But really, over the years and my own experiences, what I realized was that I wanted to be the architect of my own journey. My father was in a tragic accident when I was 13, went missing, and was never found. So life took such a turn. Another turn. And it was all around the same time, between the ages of 10 and 13, was just not a good time.

But life became really challenging and I think I really had to dig deep again and find ways of making the best of the situation that I had. It always made me really determined to work hard for the things that I wanted because nothing was given to me. Nothing. And so I look back on my life and it was a great life. Married almost 20 years, three wonderful kids, great career, but I was not being challenged in the work that I was doing anymore. And it was scary, it was something I had to think long and hard about, because I knew what if felt like to have nothing, and to risk everything we had built for our family, was a scary thing. But I also know that I didn't want to look back on my life with any regrets, of not trying.

So that's what fuelled me to walk away and start Vent, and in turn, be able to share my journey in such a personal way that I never envisioned, so although opening Vent has been such a rewarding experience, it's all the off chutes of that, that have been spectacular.

[21:05] Was your family really supportive of the transition? What were some of the biggest obstacles during the transition, and how did you overcome them?

As soon as I could show my husband what I was trying to do; we went to New York City and I showed him where I thought it was being done really well, I explained how I wanted to do it differently, and the purpose behind it, he knew. He knew the transformation in myself when I had my hair done. He said, “you have a skip in your step.” And he understood that piece of it and he was very supportive from day one and he didn't need a lot of convincing. He is also much like me and we're planners, so we really did plan and wrote a business plan that is probably longer than any business plan you'll ever see in your lifetime.

There was definitely pushback from a lot of people, and I think that's just because it was so different. It was basically leaving something that I was really good at, to starting something that I really knew nothing about. But they also knew the person that I was, and that I was going to put everything into it, and work really hard and learn, and I think overtime people did become more supportive, and there were naysayers, but I think that's what pushes you harder; to just prove them wrong.

It was a huge learning curve. I didn't know anything about being an entrepreneur. I didn't know anything about opening a business. I knew how to lead a team, I knew the leadership style that was important to me, I knew that I wanted to create a business that didn't just serve me, but it served my clients and my team. I think when you have core values like that, and you let those guide you, then the rest falls into place.

[23:35] Is there something you wish you knew then, that you know now? what advice would you give to someone leaving their 9-5 to start their own brick-and-mortar business?

There's a few things, I think I made a few rookie mistakes for sure, and one of them was not understanding the value of community. This was huge, and I know this now, but in the beginning, I left a career that was very – was supported by a team and then I went to start something new, by myself. And it's very isolating. You get in your own head and you can question a lot of things along the way, and it's very difficult. And it wasn't until I found the value of networking and finding the value of a community of like-minded women that could provide a lot of support along the way, that things red ally changed. I would really advise anyone who wants to start a business is to find a community. Find a tribe of women that are going to cheer you on and support you through the ups and downs because there are a lot of them. That has been really key.

[26:16] As a mom and entrepreneur aka “Mompreneur”…
How have you created healthy boundaries?
What does work-life balance look like to you?

This is always such an interesting question, and I don't know that I agree with the term because it would imply that there is an equal balance on both sides, and I don't think there ever is. There's always going to be more demands on one side or the other. It's going to challenge you ever day. I think for me the difference might be that politics wasn't 9-5 either.

So from the start of my career and the start of being a mom, my husband and I have been a great team, and we figured out how to balance life and work and dreams and careers and all the things that we want to achieve, together. Honestly, he and I have a great system to make sure that our kids are always supported. And that we also feel supported in what we're doing. I think that has been really critical because you can't do this without a supportive partner, and I think that the other piece of this is that my kids are a little bit older, so I've been able to include them in as much of the process as possible. I think it's a unique experience for them, to see their mom completely pivot at the age of 40, and to see that nothing has to be forever if you're not happy.

If you want to change you can change, you can do anything you want to do. So I have really tried my best to include them in all of that. I think that's been helpful because they understand when I need to pour into my work a little bit more, they understand. I always try and be there for the most important things.

I try to really work in pockets of time the best that I can, and I'v become really good at doing that and just getting things done, and I think it really works. There are definitely things that are hard because I have to miss some stuff, but my kids understand and I make sure that I'm there for the things that are really, really important to them.

[29:25] You and I are similar in the way we both value our morning routines. Walk us through your morning: start to finish!

This is something I also had to learn throughout my journey; the value of making time for myself, because as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, as a mom, there are lots of demands on my time, and I was usually the last person to get any of it, and that didn't end up well for me so I really went back to the basics. During all those times of struggle, what were the things that served me and pouring into me was really that.

I get up really early. That's when there's nobody else awake, nobody needs me, and I can just dive into the things that really serve me. So I get up at around 5/5:30am and I spend a lot of time journalling and practicing gratitude, and meditating as much as possible. Sometimes I do that more than once a day. Just to get re-aligned with where I want to be, what I want to accomplish, what my mindset needs to be that day. It's really, really important for me.

I exercise every day. This is something I have to do, sometimes I do it twice a day if it's possible. But it's moving my body. It's something that keeps me where I need to be.

Then I spend a lot of time on personal development. I love to read, podcasts are my jam. I am always listening to a podcast. Honestly, podcasts have been really key in supporting me through this journey. Because it's the stories that are shared, the real stories of people, that have gotten me through some tough times. You see the memes of being an entrepreneur, it's up and down, up and down and that's really accurate so to be able to share my story, hopefully it helps others, but also these stories of others has really helped me as well.

[32:30] Where can we find you/follow you? How can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM | @im.nataliejames

WEBSITE | www.imnataliejames.com

PART THREE: RAPID FIRE

[33:30] What are you currently reading? OR your favourite book?

Current read: Get Out of Your Own Way by Dave Hollis

Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis

Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown

[33:56] What do you love most about being a woman?

I honestly think women were built for doing hard things. I couldn't be prouder to be a woman right now. I think we're leading the way in entrepreneurship, I think we make exceptional leaders, I think we can just do all of the things and finally we're starting to see the success of being a woman and what that looks like right now.

[34:28] What does “empowerment” mean to you?

To embrace your story, to live your truth, and do not give power to the things and the situations that don't serve you. Take that power and let it guide you to your purpose.

[35:05] What are you currently working toward?

I am really loving this journey of sharing my story, and I really hope to inspire other women and girls through sharing this. More speaking opportunities lined up, some writing opportunities. I really feel like this is my purpose right now, and I'm really diving into that and seeing where it goes.

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!