E256: Unlocking Calm: Hypnosis Tools for Women Navigating Stress and Motherhood with Kristyn Livermore
E256: Unlocking Calm: Hypnosis Tools for Women Navigating Stress and Motherhood with Kristyn LivermorE
Feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of motherhood? In this transformative episode, we sit down with Kristyn Livermore, a professional hypnotist specializing in stress relief for women and mothers. Discover how hypnosis can be a powerful tool for reclaiming calm, building resilience, and managing the unique pressures of modern parenting.
Join us as Kristyn explains the science behind hypnosis, shares practical techniques to reduce anxiety, and offers powerful visual tools to help transform your stress into serenity. Whether you're balancing work and home life, struggling with postpartum challenges, or simply looking for ways to prioritize self-care, this episode is packed with actionable, useful advice to help you thrive.
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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the women's empowerment podcast. I'm very excited to welcome our special guest to the show. Kristyn is a human behavior expert. She helps people achieve their goals by breaking them out of unuseful patterns and into more useful and resourceful ways. People seek her guidance with weight loss, stopping smoking, stress management, and so much more.
She is also a mom of two boys in Burlington, Ontario, Canada. And she can't wait to teach us how to interact with stress in a new way. Welcome to the podcast, Kristyn. I'm really excited to learn more from you and to speak to some of those useful stress solutions from your expertise as a human behavior expert.
Kristyn Livermore: Awesome. Thank you so much for having me, Val. It's really exciting, especially because this was actually why I got into hypnosis because motherhood was like a truck that hit me pretty hard.
VL: Oh my goodness. And I want to hear all about this story before we do, I, I will say we haven't had anyone who's chatted about hypnosis was with us before. We haven't had a hypnotist. Am I saying that right? Yeah. We haven't had a hypnotist on the show before. So why don't we start with. What is hypnosis?
KL: That's a great question, and most people don't know. They think, is it those comedy shows on the stage where you're clucking like a chicken? Or, you know, you have a little piece of jewelry in front of you. That is, is part of hypnosis. Hypnosis is all about suggestibility. So often, you know, we're, we're living in a hypnotic state every day of our lives, even in motherhood in, you know, out in the world when we're in a, in a, in the workforce, we're in a hypnotic state. Even if you've ever heard the commercial roll up the rim, that's a hypnotic, like, trance, where you hear it all the time in marketing and advertisement. So what we do with hypnosis is we actually use this to benefit us or to get us to a useful place, to get us to our goals, outcomes, and dreams. Why not?
VL: Sounds amazing. I love that. I didn't even think of hypnosis in marketing, but it's so true because a lot of those jingles are how you remember what the company is or the phone number or the website or the tagline. And so then I guess when you're, when you need that solution from that business, that's what you're thinking of is the hypnosis. I was thinking of the pizza number. And then you're like, Oh, I really want pizza. What's the phone number? Now, we don't really need to know that, I guess, but
KL: I remember pizza pizza, 9-6-7-11-11 call pizza pizza pizza.
VL: Exactly. Yeah. Oh my gosh, that's so cool. I never thought of it that way. Wow.
KL: So it's building that muscle with repetition. So it's breaking out of unuseful ways, which sometimes we don't even realize we're doing them because it's, it's a pattern from way back when, even from ancestors, we don't even know. It's just in our subconscious, we keep doing the same thing over and over again. So I often say as a hypnotist, I'm here to read the label. You're inside the bottle and I'm reading the label from the outside and guiding you in a direction where you want to be.
VL: love that. That's so cool. I love these visuals. I'm just like, yep, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Wow!
KL: Yeah. And it's cool cause you're a really visual person, right? So you can see it right away, but people are auditory or kinesthetic where they hear it or feel it. So I also have to talk to a person in their language.
VL: I love that too. Yeah, it's so important. And I find so Kristyn and I know each other from exhale Pilates. I find that in, in what I'm teaching as well, I'll say a cue for somebody and I'll try to make it visual, but I'm not showing them or demonstrating the exercise. So while the, the cue is visual, the instruction is auditory and sometimes not everyone understands that.
And so you've got to change it and kind of speak to different things. One of the things I find really helpful for people who are listening to the podcast is really hearing people's stories to understand that full experience. So I would love to hear about the transformation that you experienced. You mentioned as a mother before and after your own experience with hypnosis.
KL: Yeah, awesome. So I was a stay at home mom for about five or six years and I, I just remember being really, really low and really sad all the time. You know, some postpartum hormones as well, but actually during COVID I was just at my breaking point. I was 230 pounds. I was so miserable. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to try something different.
I had been in therapy for a really long time, and talking about my problems wasn't helping me. It was almost victimizing me, and I kept staying in the problem. So when I finally met my mentor now, her name is Robby Spear Miller, and she, so I have a mentor who guides me on how to guide myself so I can better help my clients, and I will never ever leave her.
I will always have her because she reads my label from when I'm in the bottle, and everyone needs that in their own worlds. So when I finally went to go see a hypnotist, when I went to go see Robbie, I, she actually rejected me. And she's like, Oh, no, no, no, this is not the right place for you. And it was interesting because I was really good at getting away with things.
I was almost like my childhood mentality. I had a divorced family and I played them against each other. So I was trying to do that with Robbie. And I didn't even realize I was trying to do that. She called me out and was like, if you want to be in this world, and if you want to change with hypnosis, you have to follow my directions.
I had to really get over that bell curve of frustration and Fight myself to, to surrender. And once I did surrender, it was, you know, learning the tools of hypnosis, you know, even though we've talked about very briefly, the visual auditory kinesthetic, the V a K is, is, is a genius model of learning.
If you can visualize something, then you can hear it. Then you could feel it. It actually gets you even closer to your goals. So while working with Robbie, I lost 60 pounds. And this is during COVID, it was mind boggling because I was holding on to all this stress because I was just, I was fighting it.
And that was it. And then it was, it was easier to like move my body. I wanted to move my body. I wanted to put food in my body that felt good because it was aligning with my goals and I was getting out of unuseful patterns. And then I noticed my relationship was getting a lot better. My husband and I were going through a lot.
I think at some point during COVID we actually went our separate ways and gave ourselves some space. Luckily we came back together, but you know, it doesn't always happen that I really had to. The best way to describe how hypnosis felt to me was it was almost like putting puzzle pieces together. I had never experienced that in my entire life.
And this, these puzzle pieces was forming this self acceptance and this self love, which I had never felt in my entire life. So it was really, really powerful for me. And that's why I was like, I need to step into this. , this is exactly what I want to do. And now what am I six, seven years down the road?
I was also teaching cause I worked for the Halton Catholic school board before. I was teaching for a bit. And just this year , I got to put both feet in the boat. I'm excited to do this justice. And now this business is flourishing. I'm so happy to be here.
VL: Oh, that's so amazing. You committed to it. And then, yeah, that's what, sometimes that's what it needs. It needs you to jump in with both feet. Wow. I'd love to hear a little bit more about what it is that makes hypnosis different from those other modalities, you mentioned. For you, it worked better than therapy, but how is it different from maybe therapy? And I know there's so many different kinds of therapy. , I'd love to hear about that.
KL: Yeah. And that brings up a really good point. Thanks for bringing that up Val. , especially there, there's a place for everything. I truly, truly believe that. And for me, what was happening with talk therapy is I was making up more stories in my head and this story was totally out there.
It wasn't even the truth anymore. It was so blown up that I didn't even know where the truth was. So whereas hypnosis goes to a place where the details don't matter. So it's about seeing where you want to be and noticing how you, how you get there and noticing, you know, you may need to see different versions of this.
You may need to see, you know, one, you have to go over a speed bump. Maybe the other one, you're turning right and you hit a dead end. Maybe the other option, you're going straight and you're going straight for a while, but just, just noticing that you have options and a key part of hypnosis is having three or more options. Because when you have three or more options, your subconscious actually feels safe. Interesting.
VL: Very interesting. Yeah. I feel the wheels are turning in my brain because I've never experienced hypnosis before, which , it's just, it's so, it's so cool. I love learning about new things but I'm seeing how this would work as well.
And how it would be helpful to some people, especially the part where you say, , if you just keep talking about it, I've been there. I've been there where I'm talking about with my parents. I'm talking about my friend. I'm talking about it with my partner. And then I just get caught up in this story.
And I'm only more frustrated sharing this. This story at times and then other times I find it really cathartic for me to Share that story and I feel the difference between me walking away from a conversation where I'm just, you know Venting versus the conversation where I'm healing is The fact that there's an end goal in mind.
So I'll give you an example for myself I had a traumatic birth experience It was basically I had a child I had an expectation for the experience and it did not come into fruition. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted. And I'm not naive to the fact that, you know, there are lots of things that are out of my control, birth and delivery being one of them.
However, I, I feel that I could have made choices before going into that experience that would have probably helped me Have a better experience. So I started to share my story. This is what happened. This is how I felt. And this is how I'm moving forward from that versus somebody caught me off on the highway driving home.
And , how annoying is that? Because it happens all the time. And then I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But that's not solution focused. That's not forward focused. And so that's just, you know, I have to vent, but why is it that I'm so stuck in this pattern with things like that? So what do you feel, or maybe it's with working with different people that you've noticed, what keeps us stuck in those patterns versus in some situations we can, you know, speak it out loud and then move forward from it.
KL: Yeah. And that's a really, really good point, especially for what you've gone through. That's, that's an experience that you've gone through. And I love that you said it's very outcome focused because your outcome in that situation is actually to allow people to talk about these birth experiences too, to feel comfortable to share, because that's also a transitioning part of our world right now is opening up and sharing and being comfortable with it and noticing that, you know, There's never, there's never everything's perfect.
Right. And, and, and noticing that everything doesn't have to be awful either. And there's, there's also this, all this in between. So it's interesting because we are living, living from emotional state to emotional state. And I often say with my clients, you know, having an emotion is like just having to go to the washroom. You just have to pee it out.
And in a lot of my stress management presentations, when I go into corporate offices, I actually have a dog on a hydrant lifting his leg because what we've been taught and you know, not everyone, but some of us have been taught an emotion. You got to keep it inside. You got to keep a face on, right?
But it's a really scary place if we do that because our body is. Physiologically, we have to let that out. It's good for us. It's like working out. So something really important that I noticed when you were talking about you know, your, your, your birth experience also is something we practice is pattern interruption.
So some people, they like to talk about the story cause maybe it also gets them attention. Maybe when they were a kid, they didn't get much attention. And that's the connection with human beings. But even in that situation, I have a client right now who, who is very similar to this.
They like to gossip a lot. They like to talk to people and their positive intention is actually they want to connect with people. So I'm teaching her how to connect with people in a useful way. Because her intention is not to gossip about someone, but that's just what's happening because she wants to talk with people. So it's, it's really shifting how you're doing things just to a useful way to where you want to be. That's it.
VL: I love that. Yeah. Oh my goodness. And I'm already thinking of all the times I've. I needed pattern interruption or people I know I'm like, Oh, this is a pattern that we keep going. This is the same conversation we've had over and over again. And
KL: it kind of looks like that hamster in the wheel, right? Hamster in the wheel going over and over and over again. And the cool thing, even with working out, that's awesome because that's a pattern interruption moving your body.
VL: Physically. Physically. Yeah. Well, and people always say this to you, I talk about how if you're in a rut and you're sitting at your desk and you're staring at a blank page and you just can't get the wheels turning, interrupt that pattern, go outside, get into nature.
Go take a shower. Why is it that some of our best ideas come to us when we're doing something random like taking a shower? And it's because we've interrupted the pattern of trying to think and focus and create and do all the things. Yeah. That's so cool. I love that. I love how hypnosis makes sense. It's making sense.
KL: And that's the interesting part. It's actually very natural, right? Like it's, And people think it's much scarier than it actually is. So it's actually cool.
VL: I really do think of the pendulum in front of someone's eyes and they're like, follow the crystal, and then you get all googly eyed and all of a sudden you wake up and you're in, somewhere else.
I'd love to hear more about how hypnosis has helped you be a more useful mother. I'd love to hear how you say useful.
KL: Yeah, no, and I love that. You're the one thing that's really cool about you is you follow along very easily. Notice even the terminology, you're , just putting it right into the conversation. And that's a really, that's a really cool gift to have. Awesome.
So as a mom, I'm much more patient. At the end of the day, I, it had nothing to do with my kids and it had to do with my own angers from what used to bother me as a kid or what maybe my parents used to be harder on me about. So I do notice I have a seven year old who's, you know, he's emotional.
He has a lot of love to give and some of that's natural for his age, but it's sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my seven year old. And. My husband, on the other hand, would get very frustrated with the whining.
And for my husband, it was because he was told not to whine as a kid, his parents didn't like that.
Right. And it's, it's noticing that it's just a pattern from when we're a little kid. And our parents said the best they possibly could, you know, you love your parents and they did absolutely everything they could with the resources they had. But it's now a choice of how you want it to be and what you want to do for your kids.
And reality is there's no such thing as perfection, you know, or we can't protect our kids in a bubble. Although I'm pretty sure my husband would like that.
VL: Same.
KL: But, you know, there's so many learning opportunities, and if I can guide my kids in a useful direction, even if, you know, they're getting bullied at school or there's something, there's something happening in their lives, if I can guide them in a useful direction and have the patience to sit with them through that frustrating situation.
It's helpful for them. And at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do to solve it. All I can do is just guide them through it.
Okay. Patience. Huge, huge patience for me. And, and also just having the space to exist like motherhood. It's just a role. It's not my identity.
VL: Yeah. It's so I'm a new mom, as you know, and I feel like.
I'm learning so much, not just in the moment, but also about my own patterns and my own self and my own childhood and my own wounds or just the patterns and the habits. And it's like, Oh, I now understand why my parents did that. Because like you said, we didn't, we, they have the resources that they have and that's what they used.
And even this weekend I was speaking to someone who has. 20, 25, 30 year old kids. And she was saying how she can't believe how people are feeding their kids solids. Whereas when she was a new mom, it was , absolutely do not give your food. Do not give your kid anything solid. You have to only feed them purees.
Where here. I am giving my kid a piece of steamed broccoli and she's panicking because she thinks that kid's going to choke. And I'm like, no, this is that we're teaching them this, this way. And then I'm sure that when you know, maybe I'm a grandmother or I'm looking at someone else in the, in generations to follow being like, Oh my God, we weren't, we weren't allowed to do that.
But it's just because these are the resources that I have. And these were the resources that she had. And this is how we're doing things. And I loved what you said about how, You know, you're not necessarily giving your kid the solution, but rather holding that space for them to, to feel what they need to feel and so that they can make their own decisions.
And I think as a parent, you want what's best for your kid and you kind of know the outcome in a way because, you know, you maybe were bullied at school or maybe you did experience you, maybe you were someone who was very sensitive. And you know that if you choose path A, it will lead here. And if you choose path B, it'll leave here.
And so you just want to be like, but just choose this one. But that's not, that's not an empowering way to parent. Right. And I, I can think of my examples as with myself growing up. And again, my parents wanted only the best for me. But did they hold me back from learning in a different way, in a way that maybe I needed to learn and now here I am, , why can't I grow in this way or why can't I build my You know, business in this way, or why, why haven't I reached the success that I envisioning in my mind?
And it's, I can see because of those childhood patterns. My goodness, Kristyn, you got me really thinking, you know, you're really thinking today.
KL: And a lot of people put a lot of pressure on themselves too. Right. And that works. It's almost like, you know, in your car, how you have a volume dial. Yeah. So imagine that volume dial being the dial for the pressure.
So you turn it up when you need it. And when you, when you don't need it, you can turn it down. So it's unuseful or useful. gaging it, visualizing that dial is really, really helpful, we all put pressure on ourselves, but sometimes it's not necessarily the useful amount of pressure.
Maybe we need a break. Maybe we need to tread water a little bit. And when we give ourselves that space or that treading water moment, we can see much more clear where we want to go.
VL: Yeah, I'm picturing that now too where, you know, someone feels maybe a little bit more like they're drowning or they're taking on water and it's like, okay, here's a little bit of a life raft.
You're still in it. Let's take a breath and see how we can get out of it together.
KL: Yeah, I love that life raft analogy because that's really, you know, the amount of stress that people are undergoing right now, especially after COVID. And I'm sure it was always there before, but it's even more, right? It's even, it's even more around you. just noticing that it, you know, sometimes you feel like you're drowning, but you're in the shallow end.
VL: Yeah. Just stand up.
KL: Your body is so used to that overwhelm that it's just like, Oh, this is what I do. I'm just overwhelmed every day.
VL: Yeah. So you've said a few things, you know, you've learned patience.
You noticed that people are feeling that overwhelm. There are so many different, I guess, causes of stress and also just Maybe it's like a manifestation of stress. It shows up as stress in our body, but what would you say are some of maybe the more common types of stress causes of stress that you witness?
And maybe that's a childhood seed that was planted. What are some of those more common ones that you've witnessed? Maybe with, with your female patients or patients who are In motherhood overwhelmed in motherhood,
KL: right? How many of us can relate to that? Yeah, so the biggest cause of stress that I see the number one men, woman, especially motherhood is the lack of control.
So, right. You're like, Oh yes. Right. When we have no control over things, we're looking for control, which is what heightens our overwhelm or stress. So we're trying to find ways to control because we don't actually feel safe in our body. But hypnosis teaches you how to feel safe in your body with allowing, allowing the world, yourself to surrender with the lack of control.
And it may be step by step. But that is the biggest thing, especially like I, I have a lot of moms come in here because I'm at the school pickup a lot. It's like March of the penguins. Sometimes they're just , flock. Because, you know, the more that out there, especially the more moms that are able to teach their, you know, I always say where the mind goes, the body follows.
So if I can give them little tips or little tools to just calm their mind and body down. That's huge. They'll take that and teach that to somebody else. And it's just a domino effect. So yeah, the biggest thing is the lack of control.
VL: Yeah, literally what I said earlier about that, what I, what I was trying to do.
Oh, well, okay. So speaking of these tools, I'd love to hear about or learn about some of maybe the steps or the tangible tools that you could share with us today of how we could support. Maybe it's not a solution, but it's a support for moms through those feelings of overwhelm and those stressful times. Thanks.
KL: Yeah, that's a great idea. So something that we talked about already was having an outcome. So everything you do have an outcome in mind. So, you know, even for this podcast, the outcome was to, you know, enhance women or mom skills of how to deal with stress. So every single thing, even if it's going to watch a show, what is your outcome?
Is it to relax? Is it to rest? Is it to give you a break? Because sometimes what happens is when we want a break, it's not actually aligning with our outcome. So people scroll through social media. But it's not always actually giving you the break that you're thinking. So really, really being very clear about your outcome.
And so we also talked about the visual auditory kinesthetic. So if you can visualize your outcome, visually auditory and kinesthetic. So, you know, these may be for more bigger outcomes or maybe something to do with your business. So if you're visualizing it, auditory hearing it, and kinesthetic feeling it, and putting that all together, and just seeing it in front of you, but also noticing that there's three ways to do it, three or more ways, okay?
So we have an outcome, number one. Number two, you're going to visualize, hear it auditory, and feel it kinesthetically. And then you're going to put three different options in front of you, three or more your choice. Okay. So those would be the biggest steps to getting out of unuseful patterns and into useful patterns.
Even if you can just identify an outcome, that's huge. Cause you may not even notice how often you're just moving and shaking, moving and shaking, and you have no outcome.
VL: Exactly. You have no, you have no end point question about those three. Outcomes with our visualization, auditory and kinesthetic are those three outcomes three positive outcomes, three things that we would be happy with, we'll say at the end of the outcome. Is that what we're aiming to do?
KL: Yeah, so that's a really good point. Thank you for that. So it's also noticing how realistic they are. Okay, so let's say, let's take an example of going for groceries, getting groceries. Okay, so I'm in a parking lot across the street from 14. Oh, so one of my outcomes is, hey, I just bought I glide over there.
I go to a stop sign and I, you know, I get there, get the groceries and get out. Another outcome could be, I get there, it's raining. I got to put an umbrella on. I get out there. I get the groceries. Then I forget my wallet in the car, grab my wallet, come back out and then get my groceries and go on. Then another option could be, Hey, I drive over, I grab my groceries.
I see a friend. Then I grab my groceries. Maybe I get a phone call from the school, hop in my car, go right to the school instead of dropping my groceries off. Okay, so it's, it's really important to be realistic about our outcome and, and noticing that sometimes like our, our imagination or what we want is up here and our reality is here.
And the gap, the further the gap is, the more frustrated we are and disappointed we are. And I wonder how your birth story, how different that was here where we needed a bit like this. So it's a bit closer,
VL: right? Interesting. Yeah. Okay. So I like this. I like this exercise. I've, I'm already visualizing the groceries and, you know, maybe some other simpler or the simple things that I would do daily or weekly.
How does this differ from, Needing the control. So right now I've just, we've just walked through three outcomes where I kind of feel like I'm still holding on to some sort of control because, you know, even though these are three different ways and it is raining today, so I might need that umbrella, how does this, how does this support me in letting go of that needing control?
KL: Yeah, that's, that's a really, really good question. And honestly, it's about having the experience. Okay, so yes, we can visualize these and have the outcomes, but it's also having the experience and noticing at the end of it, you're still okay. And you're right. So it's like going to the gym or going to Pilates.
It's, you know, it's building a muscle. So once we start in a, you know, and it may be different, it may be, you know, just the day naps for a new baby, right? There's not much control over, but having the experience. experience of noticing, okay, I have these three or more options. I visualized them, Hey, maybe one of them panned out.
Maybe it was something completely different that I didn't even think about it. And then after, okay, giving yourself feedback and noticing that you're still okay.
What could I have done differently, but also noticing in this space, how you can turn down the pressure on yourself. Because we're all just messy human beings bumping around in bumper cars.
Nobody is perfect and nobody, there's no end game to any of this. We're all learning and moving and shaking as we go through life. And every experience that we have, so it's having the experience and kind of going from there, giving yourself feedback from there, how it could be different next time.
VL: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I like the, I like what you said about taking off the pressure and I think a lot of that comes from just the outside world and the society that we live in kind of thing. I know I've had conversations with other new moms who are the pressure to bounce back to look a certain way, the pressure to go back to work at a certain amount of time, the pressure to do it all.
And one of the things that I've learned in my own experience in the last eight months is that realistically. to help me feel better to help the, but to help me end the day and think, ah, okay, this was a good day. Or, you know, this, this is how I've done it better is by not scheduling so many things in a day.
I'm not going to lie. Today is a busy day for me. And so this morning I was like a chicken with its head cut off. How am I going to do all of the things? And even just having this conversation with you is such a reminder of , you know what? I might be a little bit late to that next thing and that's okay.
And I'm a little bit nervous about it. I guess my anxiety is because the next thing on my calendar today is at a location that was changed. So last week it was supposed to be outside, but now that it's raining today, they've moved it to a completely different location that I've never been to.
Apparently the front door is confusing and I'm like, you have a baby and it's a photo shoot. So You gotta, you know, look a certain way, whatever. It's just there. It feels like there's more pressure, but here I am thinking, wait a second, where is this pressure coming from? Am I turning up the volume on this pressure or, and the answer is yes, I am. It's me who's putting this pressure on. So how can I dial this back a bit? Right. Yeah.
KL: What if that, , the rain outside actually, , what if your photos turn out even better
because of all of this, right? Because you don't even realize how many opportunities you're missing or how many doors you don't even see because you're like, I have to stay with these doors. These are my safe doors. Maybe 10 more doors.
VL: Absolutely. And I think too, part of, so when you have, when you have a little baby, you are working with naptimes and wake windows and you know, you've got to be somewhere at a certain time because he's got to be sleeping at this time and it just becomes this domino effect of the day kind of goes to a bit of a messy spot.
And also. I am someone who believes in leaving room for miracles or for magic or just creating some space for something to something to flourish or for example, with, with your grocery store picking up the groceries, bumping into a friend, well, you don't want to feel so rushed that you can't say hi to your friend or you can't have a conversation or give them a hug or whatever it is.
You want to kind of create that space in your day or in your life for those opportunities that you didn't even think of because most of the time if I look back on some of the best parts of my life, they weren't things that I planned. They weren't outcomes that I envisioned or I thought or I kinesthetically connected to.
They were completely Random, serendipitous, you know, magical experiences and they're some of my favorite memories. Right.
KL: Yeah. And it's interesting, it, you know, you can either fight life or you can surrender into it. So it is really cool. And we say in hypnosis, the person with the most flexibility in the room actually has the most control.
VL: I love that.
KL: Yeah.
VL: It's for that on a t shirt.
KL: Yeah. And this behavior flexibility is really, really important, especially modeling for your, your baby, right.
It's important and it's a skill in life that we're not naturally taught. So it's teaching ourselves how to be flexible, how to be flexible, how to surrender. It makes me think of , have you ever, have you ever gone surfing? Yeah. So it makes me have like, you know, when you fall and if you tense up when you surf or even skiing downhill, if you tense up, you actually hurt yourself more. But if you just surrender and let go, you hurt yourself less.
VL: Yeah.
KL: You hurt yourself less.
VL: You don't not hurt yourself. You hurt yourself less. Yeah. Wow. Oh man. Surrendering. I feel like this is going to be a common theme in my, my life this year.
KL: Yeah, totally. Hey, I can teach you a couple more things about how people cope if you want.
VL: Yeah,
KL: let's do it. Okay, so this is kind of cool because we'll actually get our listeners involved. So all you're going to do, are you okay to follow me here for a sec?
VL: Yeah. Let's, I'm surrendering.
KL: I'm surrendering. Okay. So all you're going to do is say what I say and do what I do.
VL: Okay.
KL: There's no way of doing this wrong.
Turning down the pressure of the volume button here. Okay. It's really, really easy. And then we'll go into a metaphor about it and explain it a bit more in detail.
VL: Love it.
KL: All right. So you're going to look at your wall beside you. If you can still talk into the mic, I just don't want you pointing at me. I don't want you to hate me.
Okay.
VL: I'll look at the wall.
KL: Okay. And you're going to go. It's all your fault.
VL: Okay. It's all your fault.
KL: Nice job. Nice job. And then you're going to put your hands out in front of you, and you're going to say anything you want, I'm here for you.
VL: Anything you want, I'm here for you.
KL: Nice. And then you're going to put your finger on your chin and say, if I was to analyze this.
VL: If I was to analyze this.
KL: Nice. And the fourth one is the hardest. Are you ready? Okay. . Yeah. You just move your body
Nice. Nice. Okay, so these, these are four ways people cope. Okay?
VL: Four ways
KL: people cope with stress. Okay. So a well-known family therapist named Virginia Satir came up with this metaphor to explain. So there's four people in a boat. Okay, these four people are in a boat and there's a hole in the boat. The water is going everywhere.
Okay, the first person in the boat goes, who put the hole in the boat? The second person in the boat says, I will swim to shore and save everyone. The third person in the boat goes, if I was to analyze this, we're going to sink in 3. 2 seconds. And the fourth person in the boat goes, Hey, look, there's a bird and nobody is fixing the hole in the boat.
Right? So when we're stressed or overwhelmed, we, we usually fall into one of these four categories of overwhelm or coping with stress. And often as moms, we tend to people, please, we take care of other people. And then what happens is when we take care of other people, other people and forget about ourselves, we get into this resentful spiral.
We get resentful and then we, we, you know, get the stress and the overwhelm. And that's where I see a lot, a lot of my clients, especially moms. So we have the blamer. It's all your fault, which also can happen , I've had that happen with my husband. It's all my husband's fault. Never my fault. Then there's, The, you know, the placater who takes care of other people, and then there's someone who's a computer who's in their head, which can get very, very overwhelming if you're, you're just in your head all the time, because you're internal versus external, we talked about having an experience, we're thinking about the experience, but not having it.
And then there's the distractor, which often, you know, we have weight loss clients who are distracting with food. We have smokers, stop smoking clients who are just smack distracting with a cigarette or now I guess it's a vape. Or sometimes this can be with drinking or, you know, lots of other things, but there are just four ways that we cope with stress.
Four ways and the opposite. And especially, I loved watching you go through your birth story because when you finally got to a place where you leveled with yourself.
VL: Mm-Hmm. ,
KL: you were like, oh, wait a second. I can see that, you know, there's, there's the control thing in there. And if I saw a few more options, it, it might have gone a bit better.
Yeah. So the opposite is leveling with yourself. If you can get to a place where you can level, you can give yourself feedback and just move on to the next situation. Love that. Kind of a cool tool that people can use.
VL: Yeah, and I can even see how I've been all four of those people in different situations or even a combination in the same situation where I feel overwhelmed and I want to, maybe I'm blaming someone that I'm in my head, then I'm avoiding it. Or distracting myself.
KL: Yeah, it is very, very common that all of us use all of these. But the cool thing is, is once you notice it, and some people have clients come in and They're telling me their story and their fingers on their chin. Mm hmm. This is a pattern interrupt.
VL: This is literally me. I, yeah. Oh, it's so, that's fascinating. But it's, it's recognizing the pattern too, right? You just gave us a tool or a visual or a story to help us understand how to interrupt that pattern. And even right away without another step, without the outcome tool that you taught us as well, you can already feel how you've just stopped.
Yeah. Doing the thing that you're doing, whether that was blaming people, pleasing, distracting, analyzing. I feel called out. I feel called out.
KL: Hey, but we all do it right. We've all done it over and over and over again. And, and it's building another muscle. That's all of it. Building you, you presented it so beautifully though, cause you naturally just had it happen, right. And naturally have it happen all the time.
VL: Yeah. Yeah. Again, just so much, so much to think about, but I don't need to analyze everything. No,
KL: it's you coming in and having the experience of hypnosis as well, because hypnosis is, is getting you to a really, really relaxed state. And from there, you can make better choices or more useful choices.
VL: Yeah. So that's actually perfect. Because I, my next question is for people listening who are interested in trying hypnosis or curious about it. What would you say to them as their next step? If they're, if they're not sure yet.
KL: What would I say? Yeah. I would say, so we do free screenings. It's not the right program for everyone.
So we want to make sure it's the right place for you. So we do an hour free screening. I teach you some cool tips, some tools in that as well. And it's all about human betterment. So if this is the right place for you, we're looking to get you to your goals, your outcomes, your dreams. And for us in this, you know, as a hypnotist, there's a.
A bunch of us in North America, we're actually part of the master hypnosis society. And there's 200 of us across North America. And. You know, as clients, you guys are our walking advertisements. So if you're interested in hypnosis or if it intrigues you, book a screening, see if the program's right for you.
You know, have the experience like we talked about, and if it's right for you, great. Put both feet in the boat. If not, you had some cool tips and you can take them into your world.
VL: Mm hmm. Great. So where can we find you and follow you and book this screening? Tell
KL: us. Yeah. So you can check out my website.
It's westendhypnosis.ca and my phone number is 416 666 1457. Or you can send me an email at info@westendhypnosis.ca.
VL: Amazing. I'm going to link to that in the show notes for everybody. And for those of you who are looking for the show notes, they're either below the video or the audio description, or you can go to Valerie living life.
com forward slash Kristyn K R I S T Y N. Awesome. There is a one final segment of the show. It's a rapid fire round where I asked three questions, but right before. I ask you those three questions. Is there anything else you'd like to share before the rapid fire round?
KL: I think just, you know, if, if you need help or you feel stressed or overwhelmed, there's so many resources nowadays, so many resources try it on experience different things just to see what's right for you because life's short, you know, we're craddle to grave and it goes by quickly. Get what you want out of life.
VL: That's lovely. Okay, my dear. Three questions. Rapid fire round. Here we go. Number one. What does empowerment mean to you?
KL: When I actually visualize empowerment, I see someone like very strong standing there. It also looks like a community to me. Empowerment with like this love, strength and people around them.
That's what I see when I see the word empowerment.
VL: Oh, I love that. No, I don't think anyone's described it visually like that before, but I love that question. Number two is what is the best piece of advice you have for new moms?
KL: New moms ease the pressure on yourself. It is a tough time. Also giving yourself space. to do what fills your bucket.
VL: Love that. And that's actually a great segue into the third question. What is one way, I'm going to use your languaging, what is one way you are filling your bucket this week?
KL: One way I am filling my buckets I feel like I fill my bucket every day. Okay. Today. How are you filling your bucket today? Okay.
KL: Well, I went to the gym this morning, so that was filling my bucket and moving my body. I did not want to get out of bed, especially on a rainy day. And having that space is filling my bucket and then talking to you.
VL: Yay. Thank you so much. Well, this has been an absolute pleasure. I am so excited to continue to use a lot of the tools that you shared today.
Even already, I'm already using it and I already feel more calm and less pressure. So I'm excited for the listener to also experience this too. Like I said, I'm going to link to all of the ways to connect with you in the show notes. And thank you so much again. I just want to acknowledge you for the work that you're doing, for how you've showed up today and how you've been able to support I'm very grateful for you.
KL: Thanks, Val. Thanks for having me. I'm grateful for you too.
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
