E257: Navigating Motherhood and Career: Confidence, Balance & Self-Advocacy Tips for Working Moms

In this episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast, I sit down with Katie, host of the Contagious Confidence podcast, as she shares her insights on navigating the challenges of motherhood and career. Katie’s journey from struggling with confidence to becoming a voice for women seeking empowerment has equipped her with invaluable wisdom for working moms.

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today we're joined by Katie Hawkes. Starting from a very young age, Katie always struggled with confidence, confidence in herself, in her relationships, body image, and even in her work.

It wasn't until 2017 when she hired a life coach that her whole world changed. This experience led her on a journey to become the most confident version of herself. And she quickly realized that she was not alone. What started as hour long conversations with a friend during the pandemic turned into the contagious confidence podcast.

The goal of the podcast is to give women who struggle with confidence, a place to find a community and yet encouragement that they need to gain confidence in every area of their lives. Since it started, the contagious confidence podcast has received thousands of downloads and has welcomed guests from all walks of life.

Katie is on a mission to prove that confidence really is contagious and she's just getting started when she's not podcasting. Katie works in marketing for an e commerce website and enjoys every minute of it. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with her husband, Gill daughter, Layla and their adorable golden doodle Hank.

Thank you so much for being here. Katie. We are so excited to have you.

 Katie Hawkes: Absolutely, Valerie. I, I had Valerie on my podcast. Was it like, it was over a year ago. It had to be, but it feels like it wasn't that long ago. It feels like yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. And I loved our conversation. And so when I saw there was an opportunity to be on your podcast, I was like, sign me up.

VL: I love a podcast swap. And you know what? I think the timing worked out perfectly because we are both new moms. You're a little bit more ahead of me, which is super exciting to get some of your wisdom. Even last year when we were chatting, you gave me some great tips when I was dealing with a lot of different nausea, heartburn, all the things, struggling to drink lots of water.

You said have frozen coconut water. To hydrate you and I look for electrolytes and I was like, this is the greatest idea ever. So I made a whole batch of them. And I did, I did like them for a time.

KH: And Tiz, the, the way with pregnancy, you like something for a while and then you're like, Oh, I can't even look at that anymore.

VL: Don't even put that in my face. I can't even, yeah, exactly. I can't even look at it. Well, I'm really excited because. Not only are we on a very similar journey in life, as, as well as quite a few of our listeners. And what I will say is that it's so incredible to have a community of people or just even a small group of people who understand what you're going through.

 And one of the things I know I'm certainly navigating right now is working and being a mom. And this new kind of role alongside what I was doing before and yeah, there are a lot of different, I guess, aspects to it. So I'd love to start with kind of your, your kind of story with early struggles with confidence.

You shared that confidence was a struggle for you in various aspects of your life. How do you feel that those early experiences shape your approach to both your career and now motherhood?

KH: Oh I love that question. I mean, I really think that I gave myself the time to really prepare myself for a shift in my career.

Before I got pregnant, that was something that my husband and I wanted. I knew it was somewhere in our journey. So I started very early making preparations. in my career and my physical, at how I felt physically what I was doing, physically, like changing my products, making sure I was taking care of my nervous system.

All of that stuff going to therapy and making sure my mental health is ready. Cause I'm a pepper. I like to plan and I like to, for me, it was really important to be prepared. So when I was going through all the problems My confidence journey, and I'm still on that journey and I, it's like, I learned something new every day, but when I started that I realized I needed to get to know myself.

Like, how was I going to raise another human being if I didn't know myself and know how I operate and what I needed? Because when we're taking care of ourselves. We can take care of others. And there's a saying that says you can't pour from an empty cup. And I was empty all the time. I just was, I felt like I was pouring, pouring, pouring, and then I didn't have any thing filling me up.

So I was like, how can I continue to live like this? And I, I did not enjoy living like that. And I was really struggling with what I wanted to do with my life and like. Was the path that I was on, was that something that I wanted to pursue? Was it going to be sustainable in my life goal? So I had really had to explore that.

And so I really took a lot of time to get my note, to know myself. I was, it was so uncomfortable. It was like literally having growing pains. I just. I was like, I don't want to know this about myself, but now that I do, I can kind of figure out a better way to be. Cause I think a lot of people will get to know themselves and look at it as an excuse.

Well, I'm this way, so this is how I'm going to be. But I look at it as like a challenge, like I'm this way and I'm going to like figure out how I can be better. So that was kind of my. approach to motherhood was getting to know myself and being ready to take on something like that. And I know a lot of people out there don't have that.

That privilege to do that. Sometimes it's, you get pregnant and you're like, Oh gosh. Okay. But for me, I really wanted to start before I was even ready. And I think that's been my entire life motto is start before you're ready, but I was scared to do that. And I've really tried to work through that and being on this confidence journey and having my podcasts has really helped me.

Wow.

VL: You said so many incredible things and I think what a lot of people don't realize when they're preparing for motherhood for as a first time mom, you know, you think that you need to have the nursery set up and you're counting how many diapers am I going to need to buy? all of those things now seem so frivolous, not important, but really the deep work.

If you're not doing it before, you're certainly going to be doing it when you become a mom. Yes. And what's so incredible too, is what probably actually helped your physical body to get pregnant or getting rid of those, those, Toxic products in your home, right? Creating a, creating a better environment for you to thrive as a pregnant woman.

That is so smart. And a lot of people don't do that. And this is going off a little bit off topic, so I won't stay here too long, but. Unfortunately, what happens is we're so focused on wanting to have that baby or wanting to have that experience that we forget that there are so many more things impacting us in our outside environment and inside that mental health piece that you spoke about.

Yeah, again, we could be here for another podcast episode talking about just mental health and motherhood and how it's not really talked about. Hmm. Oh my goodness. We've just cracked everything open. Well, what I can, what I can say, because I do want to keep us on our, on our topic I feel like a lot of what you've done is prepared for some of those fears that we get when we're becoming a mom or wanting to become a mom.

And then the baby, the baby actually comes and we're like, what do we do? I feel like I said that more in my more now than my entire life. What do we do? What do I do? Google, Google, what do I do? If, why does this happen? Yeah. So when it comes to those fears and the impact on our career, I know that There's probably some common ones you can think about, maybe speak to that, but how might those common fears for many women impact or limit their career growth, career growth, and how would you, or what would your best advice be for women who are feeling this way and facing those fears of, okay, I'm going to become a mom, so much is going to change in my life more than I know, how do I handle this?

In relation to my career,

KH: I love, I was ready to talk about this because I, that was a real concern. And I think we need to acknowledge that a lot of women think about that. That's 1 of the 1st things when you're in the stage of life, you're in where you want to have a baby or you're pregnant and you're like, Oh, my gosh, how is this going to impact my career?

That's 1 of the 1st thoughts. And that was one of my first thoughts. And that's why for so long, I was like, not until I'm established in my career. Am I going to have a child? And I, I felt like I was in a pretty good place when we started trying. But I know I'll, I also know that a lot of women do not have.

That opportunity to really think about, Oh, well, okay. I want to be established in my career. So I also want to like acknowledge where I'm at and then acknowledge where other people may be at too, because I like, I, I love to work. I love what I do. I work for an e commerce company and content, and it's my favorite thing ever, and I really enjoy it.

And I also have my podcast and those are things that really bring me a lot of joy I wanted to continue doing even when I was mom, but there's constant, like there's constantly this thought in my head. It's like, well, what if I wanted to stay home? What if I wanted to just be a mom? Could I, like, after I had my baby, I was like, I just want a break.

I feel like I haven't had a break and I'm on maternity leave, but it's not really break. My entire life and now I've brought this baby into the world and they're depending on me for everything and like I It was a lot and Really thinking through how I wanted to get back to work was also something that I don't think a lot of women think about so There there is a lot of fear.

I feel like any parent And I don't want to forget the dads here, but any parent, whether you're a mom or a dad, having a child will impact your career in some way. For women, it's a lot more of an impact, because whether you choose to nurse, or can nurse, and then also, like, making sure you're babysitting developmental stages, and all of this stuff, it's, it's Like having like four jobs at once, and then you have a career on top of that, then you have a relationship that you want to, maybe you want to continue, or you might not.

I, I'm also acknowledging that there are people that might not have a partner in it. And it's, there's all these things that you have to think about, and it can be really overwhelming. And I don't want to scare anyone to not have a child just because of the impact that it has. But I feel like it impacts for the better.

And I think Valerie, we talked about this when you were on my podcast is we were both weren't really having a great time in our pregnancies. It was not, we felt awful. There was so many things that we were like, Oh, I'm so sick. Oh, I don't feel good. But then that entire time I was telling myself, this is only temporary.

I'm not going to feel this way the whole time. Yeah. It's really sucks right now. And that's what I've told myself. Even like after the baby got here, as I was recovering postpartum, I was like, this is only temporary. This really sucks right now. It's really painful right now, but I'm gonna get through it.

And I think if we look at things as only being temporary, that's not gonna be like this forever. That can help us kind of see like the, the other side of things. Because when we're in it, it's just like, So hard to see like sleep regressions. I know that you're going through one right now. I just got out of one, but like they hit you and you're like, Oh my gosh, like I need sleep.

My baby needs sleep, but like, what is happening? We were hitting like a really good rhythm and now it's just stopped. So it's like, it's all those sorts of things that happen. Like one, it's only temporary. And then when you get in, when you go back to work after having a baby. If you choose to do that or if you can do that you have, like, you'll get into a good rhythm for a while and then something will happen.

You're like, oh, gosh, like. What? I mean, like, I felt like I just figured this out, and now everything's changed again. So, giving yourself a lot of grace to get through that, and like, understand that, yes, things are gonna change, and there's a real fear associated with that, but it's only temporary. You're gonna figure it out.

I, I have to tell myself that all the time. It's gonna, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna get through this. This is only temporary. This sleep regression will not last for two years. Like, maybe like a little bit longer than I want, but it's, we're gonna, we're gonna get through it. And I think it's also important, the things that I talked about before, to like, equip yourself mentally.

physically, I'm like, okay, what helps me feel my best? Even if I'm not getting a lot of sleep, what is the one thing that is going to help me be a better mom in this? And I think for me, it was like, the first thing to go for me was getting any movement in. I was going really, like, I had like a four month streak where I was getting up before she did, and I was moving my body and I felt so good.

And then when the sleep regression hit, That was the last thing I wanted to do.

VL: Thousand percent. My partner was like, Oh, if you want to go to the gym, like I can watch him for an hour. I'm like, I can't keep my eyes open right now. I, I can't lift a weight. I don't want to drive to the gym. I want to put my head down on a pillow and be uninterrupted and sleep.

KH: Yeah. And it's knowing what you need, you know, like, and knowing what you need when it comes to your career. Like. If you, I think acknowledging and letting people know where you're at, like, hey, I'm going through a sleep regression right now and I, like, I really can't be a hundred percent. It's impossible for me to be a hundred percent.

It's going to take me longer to respond to your email. I'll be here, but I'm not going to respond immediately. Like, just go ahead and putting that out there. Like, hey, like, I'm not. The person that I want to be when it comes to my work right now, and I need you to meet and kind of meet me halfway. And I think that letting people know also, there's an understanding there.

As women, we don't want to, like, let people know, like, oh, we're going on, like, two hours of sleep right now, and we still have stuff to do, and there's, like, a to do list that's a mile long, because it, that is, I mean, even, there's so many layers to this, but career is not the only thing. That's impacted.

It's a big part. And if you want to have a career, that's, that's something that you have to allocate your time to, but then there's also being a mom and having it, like, if you want to have a clean house and don't want to hire out to have someone clean it for you, like me, it's like, I'm looking at all the dog hair on the floor and I'm like, I can't remember the last time I vacuumed, or I'm looking at my toilet, like, when was the last time I cleaned this toilet, you know?

So, but I had to be okay with, like, letting that go, and we need to do the same thing when it comes to our career. We need to do what's best for us, and I am so thankful that I have a job that allows me to be a mom. Why? Because I, I get to work from home, which I love, and I'm able to be a mom at the same time.

I'm, I haven't put my child in child care yet because I'm really struggling with that. And that's another thing we could do. It's like having,

VL: let's write down a list of other topics. We could, we'll have a series,

KH: like this one question brings on like all the other things that you have to think about.

And it's, it's like, I wouldn't trade it for anything, but this is the reality of being a mom and I think I hope I answered your question. I feel like I went on a couple different tangents there, but

VL: well, and I'm glad you said a few. I'm glad you said all the things, but some of the things that really stood out.

I think that are important to highlight is that. It's not just the fears that come up, but it's the emotions that come along with those fears. And something you said that I really want to reiterate was the acknowledgement of them. This really sucks. This is really hard and it's only temporary.

And it's almost like this mantra that you have to repeat for yourself. And I say it to mine, mine's slightly different. I say, this is just a season. And then the other day I was like, this is the longest season of my life. What is in this ending? But I think one of the, one of the most impactful things has been just saying, Hey, I'm struggling.

Hey, I need help. Or Hey, I can't take this on right now. Even with this podcast interview, we were supposed to do this in two days time in the evening when I set my calendar up, this made sense. Now that we booked this, I don't know, that was maybe two, three weeks ago that we scheduled this in things have changed in the last two to three weeks.

And you know what, in two or three weeks time, they will probably change again. So I felt really nervous to reach out to you, but I also was like, okay, she's going to get it. Hey, I'm going through a sleep regression. I'm not really sure what's happening. Can we reschedule this for X, Y, Z. Right. And you were like yeah, totally get it.

So again, I appreciate you being accommodating because it's. Like what a relief. But to your point of just saying out loud to people or even just to yourself, Hey, this is really hard for me. I need some help, or I need to make this change, or I need to let this go. And a lot of those non essential things will get done eventually, or they won't by you.

Maybe we have to delegate. And then again, that's like probably a whole other episode. So I think that's really important for people to hear is that, Hey, it's okay that you're struggling and it's okay to admit it. It's okay to ask for the help you need. I know that you are a fan of that self advocacy, not only, you know, with self care, but also in your work.

So when it comes to the importance of advocating for oneself at work, can you share specific ways that moms can ask for the support they need, whether that's, you know, flexible hours, or maybe it's like Choosing projects that work better for you. Like you're working from home situation. Or even growth opportunities because sometimes I feel like that's hard to ask for as a, as a working mom.

KH: Yeah. Well, I think there's, there's a lot of situations that you can be in when it comes to her. And I think it's okay to ask. Like, I think a lot of people are just, they're afraid and they're not sure what's and I'm like, I don't know what the answer is going to be. And like, like you said, if you need to, like, figure out a different way of working and like you said, you're nervous to reach out to me to reschedule this.

And I totally get it. And a lot of people don't though, you know, a lot of people want, and it's usually the people that don't have children. But I think at the same time, a lot of people will, and we just need to put it out there and be like, Hey, this would work better for me. Because you're advocating for yourself and I, we're not taught to advocate for ourselves.

We're not taught to be like, Hey, this is the best thing for me right now. We tend to just kind of grin and bear it. Especially me. And I learned that I really need to start advocating for myself at home. Like no one's going to know. I don't, like, I, like, I assume that everyone knows, like, I, especially my partner, I'm like, I just assume that, like, if he sees, like, I haven't done laundry in a little while, I'm hoping he'll put it in there, but I haven't told him that I, that would be nice, you know, I just want him to see it and do it.

Right. But I realized in having a child and how it was impacting me and my day to day that I had to let him know. I need help with this, or I need you to take her or like, even this morning, I had her all this morning to myself, and my husband had to go into the office and then, like, it was tough, it was a tough morning like, no naps are hard even when you try to put her down twice, and she still doesn't But when he walked in, I was like, how are you?

I was like, it's been a morning. Can you take her please? I just need a second. I need some time to myself. And that's okay. And it's not like, I have a lot of guilt associated with like, needing time away from her. And I think a lot of moms deal with that too. Val, I'm sure you deal with a lot of mom guilt too.

Because it's like, I It's, it's hard to be needed all the time. Like we know our child, we know what they need. Like we're getting to know them, but also like every day is new. We're like, okay, this is new. Like, wow. What worked yesterday does not work today. And all of that stuff, but it's acknowledging that we need to take time for ourselves and really advocate like, okay, what do I need right now?

What do I need in this moment and be okay with asking for it? Because it's hard, and sometimes I don't even know what I need. I know I like, sometimes I need a shower, sometimes I need to go for a walk. And I need to give whoever I need to a heads up, be like, Hey, I need some time to myself today. When we have a moment, can you, can you take her, can I go do this?

And being okay with that. Because you're a better mom when you take time. For yourself. Well, it's like, it's also the pouring, not being able to pour or mom,

VL: the pouring from the empty cup.

KH: Yeah, pouring from the

VL: mom brain is still a thing a year later. Yes.

KH: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Well, fun fact. When you have a baby, your brain changes and then.

I think pregnancy, your brain changes. And then when you have the baby, your brain changes. So mom brain is a real thing. Your brain is so overloaded with all of these like to do lists and everything that You don't have the capacity to remember, remember what you're talking about.

VL: Always people are like, Hey, can you, and I'm like, can you write that down?

Can you text that? And then also remind me if I don't reply to you in two days time. Can you, can you repeat that? It's so true. Yeah, I think you're right about a lot of the fear that comes around with advocating for yourself and your career and your home. Just knowing what you need is another one. I'd love to hear some of your confidence building tips that you found helpful for moms who want to show up powerfully, but also presently in career and in family life, because I feel like that's something that I struggle with is especially, you know, as someone who works from home, how can you be both present and powerful in your career and in as a mother?

How do you, how do you do that confidence?

KH: Well, I'm still figuring it out. I'll let you know, I'll let you know, but I don't, I think I'm always going to be learning. I think I, I think there's a lot of power and vulnerability and talking about things that people don't usually talk about. And I always try to like, Let my friends and my husband know where I'm at with things.

If I'm feeling some sort of way, I need to talk through an emotion. I, I try to say something and words are not my best. Like I'm a content creator, but they're not like, Like I, like right now, sometimes I can't think of how I'm feeling. I just have to start talking. I'm like, okay, like, I can't really figure out what's going on, but I know something's not right.

So let me just talk it out until I can figure out what's going on. I think. We need to be okay with doing that too. And not just like suffering in silence. Cause I think that's also something that moms do. And then like, it can build, build up and bubble up. And then it's like, Oh my gosh, I just like blew up at my child and they don't even know what, like what this emotion is.

Like even my tone of voice, my husband has to tell me sometimes like, she doesn't know, like, it's not like, she, she's like, My daughter just turned one and she's just starting to figure like, if we say, no, don't put that in your mouth, she'll get upset because she's like, okay, this tone is like, this is different than then they talk to me.

I don't think they want me to do this, but it's, but I also, I have to apologize. Apologize to her sometimes because I'm like, I'm sorry. Mommy was just really stressed and I'm just I'm sorry. And then sometimes like if I have to go do something and I have to sit her in the floor and she'll crawl around like I'll say mommy's a better mommy if she does this and we have to be okay with that.

We've done a lot of work with with with pouring into ourselves and knowing ourselves because when you're needed and nurturing a baby, it is so hard to have time for yourself. And it like, I mean, to speak to the confidence piece of it, like I will go through days where I'm like, Oh, I'm like the best mom ever.

And then there's other days where I'm like, well, what am I doing? I don't feel like this. I'm just, can I start over? Can the stages start over? And like body confidence is another layer of things that you have to go through postpartum. Like I'm still dealing with that. I'm a year postpartum and I'm still like, what is my body?

Like, I can't figure out what's going on. Everything hurts. But also like, I know that I did this amazing thing, but at the same time, I'm not like, I'm not really feeling it right now, clothes are hard, and there's, there's just so many layers to confidence as well, and I think it's always going to change throughout your motherhood journey, and also, this is something that I didn't think I was going to, I was going to talk about, but how we talk to ourselves, like our children are watching that.

I remember my mom talking to herself about herself like negatively and I started doing that and we have to know that our children are watching us and if like, we're going to have our days. We're not where we're not feeling it. We're not confident in ourselves. We're not confident in our mothering skills, but we need to understand that how we work through that and how we talk to ourselves.

Our children are watching us and are going to learn from us.

VL: Yeah.

KH: Does that answer?

VL: Yeah. It does. It does. I mean, again, you, we're, we're going into a lot of deeper layers and so many more points are being brought up. Like I said, it's a huge topic. I mean, connecting motherhood and career together, it's, it's a lot.

Motherhood on its own is a lot. I thought I was busy before I was a mom. It's laughable. You don't know busy until someone depends on you for literally everything. Like you said one of the things you talked about was like, the identity of who you are and how you feel about yourself, how you talk about yourself.

I think becoming a mom is such a transformative experience and it can also feel like a big identity shift. I, you know, I'm, I'm not really of the, the group that's like, Oh, I'm a mama and I need to wear the mama t shirt and the mama hat. I'm not really like that, but I get it. I definitely get it because that's.

Pretty much how you feel all the time. So I guess my question is, how is it that you balance the different sides of yourself, the professional, the mother, the individual? How do you stay true to each of those parts of you?

KH: That's a really good question. I mean, I think when I became a mom, I became a different version of me.

There was nothing I could do. Like I, I felt a total shift Of like, wow, I'm not the same person I was, I think differently, I look at situations differently, like, I, but I also think it helped me come more into who I am and realize like, oh, wow, like, I'm capable of so much more than I thought, and I love this, and it's great, and it's hard, but I'm, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, and I think, like, It's so easy to lose yourself in pregnancy and motherhood, and it's okay if you do, but I think we also need to know that, like, we are more than just a mom a mom is a huge privilege to be but we are, we are so much more than that, and I think we, everyone's different.

And especially when it comes to your career, if your career is important to you, make it a priority, figure out a way to do it. Like I love my podcasts. I don't get paid to do the podcast. This is something that I do because I love it. And I really had to work on figuring out how to navigate scheduling interviews.

Like, I don't, I do a lot of stuff myself and I had to make sure that I had like, My husband wasn't in a meeting so he could watch her. And like, I had to coordinate all of that stuff, but it was important to me. So I prioritized it. And I think when you become a mom, know what you need, really ask yourself, what do I need?

What do I need to make sure that I'm the best person that I can be? And sometimes that's asking your husband to take the kid, or sometimes that's hiring help because I, everyone's different. And like. I don't have a big community community around me where I live. We don't have family close. So a lot of times my baby's coming with me, my husband, but at the same time, like if I prioritize those things and I make sure like communicate those things, I need time to myself.

I remember one of the, like the first couple of days after I got home from the hospital, I told my husband, I was like, I need. A shower to feel like a normal person. So if you can just watch her for 30 minutes, while I just take some time for myself and just like, have a moment for us, that's what I need in this moment.

And no knowing that will change. And sometimes some days I didn't get a shower and some days like I did my hair and I like blow dried it and I felt so good. And then she spit up in it and I'm like, you know, so that like, Knowing what you need and being okay with yourself and giving yourself compassion.

And I like, I've also like gone off on a tangent here, but I think what I want most people to hear from this is like, it's okay. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to have everything set up in the nursery before you even get like home from the hospital. I mean, I think it took me like seven months to get my daughter's nursery where I wanted it still not done.

And she's over a year, but being okay with that, letting go of things that. are not serving you. Like, you know, like, I love having a clean house, but that's not a season I'm in right now. I'm not gonna have a clean house right now. I don't think I'll ever have a clean house again the way that I want it, you know?

But I had to be okay with letting go of that. And it's, I think it's so much easier said than done, and I really had to work at it. Be okay with letting things go. Being okay with, like, Laundry that I wanted to get done two days ago, but it's still sitting there like being okay and letting go of the things that are not important but also making time and space and room for the things that are, because when it comes down to it, being with my baby is one of the most important things to me.

But also like showing up to work and meeting deadlines is also something that's important to me and it takes some shifting around. It takes some getting up at 6am to like finish something up because it's due at 10am. Like, but I, I'm okay with that. And I, that's how I'm navigating it. And we're all going to navigate it differently.

VL: Yeah, it's, I'm, as I'm listening to you, I'm like, yeah, I've made quite a few shifts. I used to be someone who was so strong with boundaries of like, I'm not working after this time. I'm not answering my phone after this time in the evening and weekends are for family. I don't work on Sundays, but now it's almost the complete opposite because I am at home with the baby all day.

I'm in a different situation than you. So I. Co own a physical brick and mortar business. And I'm so fortunate to have an incredible business partner. So now, right, right now, most of my responsibilities and daily tasks are virtual or remote, which has been incredible because I can be home. However, with nap refusals and sleep regressions, a lot of my work is getting done, a lot of those emails are getting answered in the evening after he goes to bed and I'm not someone who typically works really well at nighttime, but I definitely can't be present in the day and do those things or I'll forget something or I'll open an email and I'll read it, but I'll forget to reply to it.

And then it's like, oh, my gosh. So I've had to basically say, okay, you know what the laptop actually is shut during the day. And it opens at this time for sure. Maybe if there's a nap happening, I can do it then. And then on the weekends, my partner isn't working. He's a nine to five Monday to Friday kind of person.

So, or similar, but so on the weekends is when I can be at the studio or I can get work done or sometimes it's interviews. And that's, that has been probably the toughest for me because I think of weekends as family time. So I'm very. careful about what I do or how I schedule it. And then I don't know if you've noticed this, but do you feel like you can get so much more done in such a short amount of time now that your mom, you're like, Oh, I can do those 10 things in an hour.

I don't know what it is. It's like this burst of energy that you get that you're so productive at like a very, because that's, I think it's because it's all the time you have.

KH: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. That is Actually, what I've said multiple times is like, I'm much more productive in a very short amount of time and that's why how I get a lot of my work done.

It's like, when I have that chunk of time, I don't have time to get distracted. Like, I'm just like, honing in on this and I like, I have to get it done. Maybe it's like the time pressure or it's like, Oh, I don't know when she's going to wake up or I don't know when she's going to get fussy. So I'm really making the most of the time that you have.

Yeah. And like, because, When you're, when you become a mom, time takes on a whole different meaning. It's like, one, how is my baby already a year old? And then two, it's

VL: like, why isn't this day over?

KH: So it's like, it's. Taking the time that you have and making the most of it

VL: and

KH: also being okay. If it doesn't happen, you know, cause I was like really banking on, cause I was preparing for our interview and I was really banking on my daughter going down for a nap at least for like 20 minutes.

That's all I needed, but she wouldn't. And I tried to put her down twice and it just wasn't working. And I like, she's on the other side of the wall. And I don't hear a sound machine. So I'm assuming she woke up, but she, my husband finally got her down for nap, but we had to keep trying and it's okay. If your day looks different every single day, it's just making the most of those little pockets of time.

And sometimes it's not sitting in front of my computer. Sometimes it's going for a walk and like making the, like figuring out what I need in that moment. And prioritizing it and setting yourself up for success too. Like if I want to go for a walk at lunch, I'm, I'm setting my clothes out the night before, or I'm like making it easier for me to grab clothes or going out in the clothes I'm in, you know, like I'm not changing.

This is what you get as a mom, you're figuring it out as you go. And I think that's really important. Like, you don't have to have everything figured out and it's going to kind of like, You're gonna make it work

VL: You've shared so many incredible key insights so much so many helpful things I think people just really need to hear sometimes because whether you are a mom or You are thinking about becoming a mom or you're pregnant and almost there Well, you're kind of a mom already when you're pregnant.

But anyway or maybe you're like, yeah, I've been a mom for a while and I just really needed this reminder. I think all of the things you said today were so key and so helpful and they're really going to land because I'm I'm feeling everything that you said. I'm like, yep. Yes 100%.

KH: I feel like we could have, like, we could keep this conversation going all day with all of the things that we have to say and it, you feel so many things at once and it's like opposite emotions too.

It's like guilt, but also relief and all the things, all the things so layered. Oh my gosh. Like,

VL: I love this kid so much. And also why aren't you going to sleep? Yes. It's really the best time of my life. Yeah. It's so crazy. I feel like a crazy person sometimes.

KH: Well, and I love what you said about the seasons.

It's the season you're in. Yeah. And then a couple of days later, it might be a totally different season. You never know.

VL: It truly feels like that. And it's okay. It's okay that it's a little bit chaotic. Yeah. We're getting through it. Okay. We have a rapid fire round to wrap up the show. Three questions.

Are you ready?

KH: I'm ready.

VL: Question number one is what does empowerment mean to you?

KH: Supporting yourself.

VL: Question number two, what is the best piece of advice you have for new moms? I feel like this whole episode was that, but maybe just one thing.

KH: It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Your baby's going to be okay.

VL: That's a good one. Everyone needs to hear that every day. And then the final question is, what is one way you are taking care of yourself this week?

KH: Having a conversation with you, Valerie. This is like self care for me. I love talking about things. So having this podcast interview.

VL: Oh, that's so sweet. I do agree though, because the podcast does feel like a labor of love sometimes. So when you were saying like you were prioritizing it, I totally felt that.

And Sometimes I just, I get so much energy from these conversations and I just need it sometimes, especially when you're like cooped up and you're talking to a baby all day.

KH: Yeah. Yeah.

VL: Some reciprocal conversation here with an adult.

KH: Same, same. And that's important. And I, your community is so important and people that you surround yourself with, like, especially when you become a mom, it's like, I didn't realize how important it was until I was there, you know, and you don't know until you experience it yourself,

VL: the wake up call that I had through pregnancy and through motherhood.

And, you know, people say it's different with every pregnancy and it's different with every kid. I can totally see that because yeah, again, probably for another conversation, but I had a lot of expectations that were not met just the capacity alone. We talked about. Was a huge wake up call. Like, Whoa, what a reality check.

Katie, thank you so much again for the insights, for the advice, for the encouragement. I think that there is an opportunity to really come back to yourself as a mother in this new way that you've. Been transformed into this new version of you, and it's a really powerful, potent time in someone's life.

And it's also really easy to slip into guilt, like you talked about, to the fears, the overwhelm, all the other things that you said. And again, you gave. A lot of sound advice to coping with all of those things. So I really appreciate you taking the time and for adjusting this time today. You are an amazing mom and I see that through just how you show up in this conversation and all of the other things that you do.

So again, I want to acknowledge you. I want to and I hope you have the best day.

KH: Well, thank you, Valerie. And thank you so much for having me on. And I love what you're doing. I'm here for it. And it's the encouragement that I need. And seeing you navigate motherhood is also encouraging. And you're inspiring so many women, whether you know it or not.

And hang in there. I know it's hard. It's hard right now. And there's going to be something else that comes along and it's going to be harder. But, you know, It's the season. It's temporary. You'll get through it. And yeah, I just, I appreciate you and I, I'm sure we'll have another conversation soon. For sure.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E256: Unlocking Calm: Hypnosis Tools for Women Navigating Stress and Motherhood with Kristyn LivermorE

Feeling overwhelmed by the daily demands of motherhood? In this transformative episode, we sit down with Kristyn Livermore, a professional hypnotist specializing in stress relief for women and mothers. Discover how hypnosis can be a powerful tool for reclaiming calm, building resilience, and managing the unique pressures of modern parenting.

Join us as Kristyn explains the science behind hypnosis, shares practical techniques to reduce anxiety, and offers powerful visual tools to help transform your stress into serenity. Whether you're balancing work and home life, struggling with postpartum challenges, or simply looking for ways to prioritize self-care, this episode is packed with actionable, useful advice to help you thrive.

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the women's empowerment podcast. I'm very excited to welcome our special guest to the show. Kristyn is a human behavior expert. She helps people achieve their goals by breaking them out of unuseful patterns and into more useful and resourceful ways. People seek her guidance with weight loss, stopping smoking, stress management, and so much more.

She is also a mom of two boys in Burlington, Ontario, Canada. And she can't wait to teach us how to interact with stress in a new way. Welcome to the podcast, Kristyn. I'm really excited to learn more from you and to speak to some of those useful stress solutions from your expertise as a human behavior expert.  

Kristyn Livermore: Awesome. Thank you so much for having me, Val. It's really exciting, especially because this was actually why I got into hypnosis because motherhood was like a truck that hit me pretty hard.  

VL: Oh my goodness. And I want to hear all about this story before we do, I, I will say we haven't had anyone who's chatted about hypnosis was with us before. We haven't had a hypnotist. Am I saying that right? Yeah. We haven't had a hypnotist on the show before. So why don't we start with. What is hypnosis?  

KL: That's a great question, and most people don't know. They think, is it those comedy shows on the stage where you're clucking like a chicken? Or, you know, you have a little piece of jewelry in front of you. That is, is part of hypnosis. Hypnosis is all about suggestibility. So often, you know, we're, we're living in a hypnotic state every day of our lives, even in motherhood in, you know, out in the world when we're in a, in a, in the workforce, we're in a hypnotic state. Even if you've ever heard the commercial roll up the rim, that's a hypnotic, like, trance, where you hear it all the time in marketing and advertisement. So what we do with hypnosis is we actually use this to benefit us or to get us to a useful place, to get us to our goals, outcomes, and dreams. Why not?

VL: Sounds amazing. I love that. I didn't even think of hypnosis in marketing, but it's so true because a lot of those jingles are how you remember what the company is or the phone number or the website or the tagline. And so then I guess when you're, when you need that solution from that business, that's what you're thinking of is the hypnosis. I was thinking of the pizza number. And then you're like, Oh, I really want pizza. What's the phone number? Now, we don't really need to know that, I guess, but

KL: I remember pizza pizza, 9-6-7-11-11 call pizza pizza pizza.

VL: Exactly. Yeah. Oh my gosh, that's so cool. I never thought of it that way. Wow.  

KL: So it's building that muscle with repetition. So it's breaking out of unuseful ways, which sometimes we don't even realize we're doing them because it's, it's a pattern from way back when, even from ancestors, we don't even know. It's just in our subconscious, we keep doing the same thing over and over again. So I often say as a hypnotist, I'm here to read the label. You're inside the bottle and I'm reading the label from the outside and guiding you in a direction where you want to be.

VL: love that. That's so cool. I love these visuals. I'm just like, yep, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Wow!

KL: Yeah. And it's cool cause you're a really visual person, right? So you can see it right away, but people are auditory or kinesthetic where they hear it or feel it. So I also have to talk to a person in their language.

VL: I love that too. Yeah, it's so important. And I find so Kristyn and I know each other from exhale Pilates. I find that in, in what I'm teaching as well, I'll say a cue for somebody and I'll try to make it visual, but I'm not showing them or demonstrating the exercise. So while the, the cue is visual, the instruction is auditory and sometimes not everyone understands that.

And so you've got to change it and kind of speak to different things. One of the things I find really helpful for people who are listening to the podcast is really hearing people's stories to understand that full experience. So I would love to hear about the transformation that you experienced. You mentioned as a mother before and after your own experience with hypnosis.

KL: Yeah, awesome. So I was a stay at home mom for about five or six years and I, I just remember being really, really low and really sad all the time. You know, some postpartum hormones as well, but actually during COVID I was just at my breaking point. I was 230 pounds. I was so miserable. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to try something different.

I had been in therapy for a really long time, and talking about my problems wasn't helping me. It was almost victimizing me, and I kept staying in the problem. So when I finally met my mentor now, her name is Robby Spear Miller, and she, so I have a mentor who guides me on how to guide myself so I can better help my clients, and I will never ever leave her.

I will always have her because she reads my label from when I'm in the bottle, and everyone needs that in their own worlds. So when I finally went to go see a hypnotist, when I went to go see Robbie, I, she actually rejected me. And she's like, Oh, no, no, no, this is not the right place for you. And it was interesting because I was really good at getting away with things.

I was almost like my childhood mentality. I had a divorced family and I played them against each other. So I was trying to do that with Robbie. And I didn't even realize I was trying to do that. She called me out and was like, if you want to be in this world, and if you want to change with hypnosis, you have to follow my directions.

I had to really get over that bell curve of frustration and Fight myself to, to surrender. And once I did surrender, it was, you know, learning the tools of hypnosis, you know, even though we've talked about very briefly, the visual auditory kinesthetic, the V a K is, is, is a genius model of learning.

If you can visualize something, then you can hear it. Then you could feel it. It actually gets you even closer to your goals. So while working with Robbie, I lost 60 pounds. And this is during COVID, it was mind boggling because I was holding on to all this stress because I was just, I was fighting it.

And that was it. And then it was, it was easier to like move my body. I wanted to move my body. I wanted to put food in my body that felt good because it was aligning with my goals and I was getting out of unuseful patterns. And then I noticed my relationship was getting a lot better. My husband and I were going through a lot.

I think at some point during COVID we actually went our separate ways and gave ourselves some space. Luckily we came back together, but you know, it doesn't always happen that I really had to. The best way to describe how hypnosis felt to me was it was almost like putting puzzle pieces together. I had never experienced that in my entire life.

And this, these puzzle pieces was forming this self acceptance and this self love, which I had never felt in my entire life. So it was really, really powerful for me. And that's why I was like, I need to step into this. , this is exactly what I want to do. And now what am I six, seven years down the road?

I was also teaching cause I worked for the Halton Catholic school board before. I was teaching for a bit. And just this year , I got to put both feet in the boat. I'm excited to do this justice. And now this business is flourishing. I'm so happy to be here.

VL: Oh, that's so amazing. You committed to it. And then, yeah, that's what, sometimes that's what it needs. It needs you to jump in with both feet. Wow. I'd love to hear a little bit more about what it is that makes hypnosis different from those other modalities, you mentioned. For you, it worked better than therapy, but how is it different from maybe therapy? And I know there's so many different kinds of therapy. , I'd love to hear about that.

KL: Yeah. And that brings up a really good point. Thanks for bringing that up Val. , especially there, there's a place for everything. I truly, truly believe that. And for me, what was happening with talk therapy is I was making up more stories in my head and this story was totally out there.

It wasn't even the truth anymore. It was so blown up that I didn't even know where the truth was. So whereas hypnosis goes to a place where the details don't matter. So it's about seeing where you want to be and noticing how you, how you get there and noticing, you know, you may need to see different versions of this.

You may need to see, you know, one, you have to go over a speed bump. Maybe the other one, you're turning right and you hit a dead end. Maybe the other option, you're going straight and you're going straight for a while, but just, just noticing that you have options and a key part of hypnosis is having three or more options. Because when you have three or more options, your subconscious actually feels safe. Interesting.

VL: Very interesting. Yeah. I feel the wheels are turning in my brain because I've never experienced hypnosis before, which , it's just, it's so, it's so cool. I love learning about new things but I'm seeing how this would work as well.

And how it would be helpful to some people, especially the part where you say, , if you just keep talking about it, I've been there. I've been there where I'm talking about with my parents. I'm talking about my friend. I'm talking about it with my partner. And then I just get caught up in this story.

And I'm only more frustrated sharing this. This story at times and then other times I find it really cathartic for me to Share that story and I feel the difference between me walking away from a conversation where I'm just, you know Venting versus the conversation where I'm healing is The fact that there's an end goal in mind.

So I'll give you an example for myself I had a traumatic birth experience It was basically I had a child I had an expectation for the experience and it did not come into fruition. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted. And I'm not naive to the fact that, you know, there are lots of things that are out of my control, birth and delivery being one of them.

However, I, I feel that I could have made choices before going into that experience that would have probably helped me Have a better experience. So I started to share my story. This is what happened. This is how I felt. And this is how I'm moving forward from that versus somebody caught me off on the highway driving home.

And , how annoying is that? Because it happens all the time. And then I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But that's not solution focused. That's not forward focused. And so that's just, you know, I have to vent, but why is it that I'm so stuck in this pattern with things like that? So what do you feel, or maybe it's with working with different people that you've noticed, what keeps us stuck in those patterns versus in some situations we can, you know, speak it out loud and then move forward from it.

KL: Yeah. And that's a really, really good point, especially for what you've gone through. That's, that's an experience that you've gone through. And I love that you said it's very outcome focused because your outcome in that situation is actually to allow people to talk about these birth experiences too, to feel comfortable to share, because that's also a transitioning part of our world right now is opening up and sharing and being comfortable with it and noticing that, you know, There's never, there's never everything's perfect.

Right. And, and, and noticing that everything doesn't have to be awful either. And there's, there's also this, all this in between. So it's interesting because we are living, living from emotional state to emotional state. And I often say with my clients, you know, having an emotion is like just having to go to the washroom. You just have to pee it out.

And in a lot of my stress management presentations, when I go into corporate offices, I actually have a dog on a hydrant lifting his leg because what we've been taught and you know, not everyone, but some of us have been taught an emotion. You got to keep it inside. You got to keep a face on, right?

But it's a really scary place if we do that because our body is. Physiologically, we have to let that out. It's good for us. It's like working out. So something really important that I noticed when you were talking about you know, your, your, your birth experience also is something we practice is pattern interruption.

So some people, they like to talk about the story cause maybe it also gets them attention. Maybe when they were a kid, they didn't get much attention. And that's the connection with human beings. But even in that situation, I have a client right now who, who is very similar to this.

They like to gossip a lot. They like to talk to people and their positive intention is actually they want to connect with people. So I'm teaching her how to connect with people in a useful way. Because her intention is not to gossip about someone, but that's just what's happening because she wants to talk with people. So it's, it's really shifting how you're doing things just to a useful way to where you want to be. That's it.

VL: I love that. Yeah. Oh my goodness. And I'm already thinking of all the times I've. I needed pattern interruption or people I know I'm like, Oh, this is a pattern that we keep going. This is the same conversation we've had over and over again. And

KL: it kind of looks like that hamster in the wheel, right? Hamster in the wheel going over and over and over again. And the cool thing, even with working out, that's awesome because that's a pattern interruption moving your body.

VL: Physically. Physically. Yeah. Well, and people always say this to you, I talk about how if you're in a rut and you're sitting at your desk and you're staring at a blank page and you just can't get the wheels turning, interrupt that pattern, go outside, get into nature.

Go take a shower. Why is it that some of our best ideas come to us when we're doing something random like taking a shower? And it's because we've interrupted the pattern of trying to think and focus and create and do all the things. Yeah. That's so cool. I love that. I love how hypnosis makes sense. It's making sense.

KL: And that's the interesting part. It's actually very natural, right? Like it's, And people think it's much scarier than it actually is. So it's actually cool.

VL: I really do think of the pendulum in front of someone's eyes and they're like, follow the crystal, and then you get all googly eyed and all of a sudden you wake up and you're in, somewhere else.

I'd love to hear more about how hypnosis has helped you be a more useful mother. I'd love to hear how you say useful.

KL: Yeah, no, and I love that. You're the one thing that's really cool about you is you follow along very easily. Notice even the terminology, you're , just putting it right into the conversation. And that's a really, that's a really cool gift to have. Awesome.

So as a mom, I'm much more patient. At the end of the day, I, it had nothing to do with my kids and it had to do with my own angers from what used to bother me as a kid or what maybe my parents used to be harder on me about. So I do notice I have a seven year old who's, you know, he's emotional.

He has a lot of love to give and some of that's natural for his age, but it's sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells with my seven year old. And. My husband, on the other hand, would get very frustrated with the whining.

And for my husband, it was because he was told not to whine as a kid, his parents didn't like that.

Right. And it's, it's noticing that it's just a pattern from when we're a little kid. And our parents said the best they possibly could, you know, you love your parents and they did absolutely everything they could with the resources they had. But it's now a choice of how you want it to be and what you want to do for your kids.

And reality is there's no such thing as perfection, you know, or we can't protect our kids in a bubble. Although I'm pretty sure my husband would like that.

VL: Same.

KL: But, you know, there's so many learning opportunities, and if I can guide my kids in a useful direction, even if, you know, they're getting bullied at school or there's something, there's something happening in their lives, if I can guide them in a useful direction and have the patience to sit with them through that frustrating situation.

It's helpful for them. And at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do to solve it. All I can do is just guide them through it.

Okay. Patience. Huge, huge patience for me. And, and also just having the space to exist like motherhood. It's just a role. It's not my identity.

VL: Yeah. It's so I'm a new mom, as you know, and I feel like.

I'm learning so much, not just in the moment, but also about my own patterns and my own self and my own childhood and my own wounds or just the patterns and the habits. And it's like, Oh, I now understand why my parents did that. Because like you said, we didn't, we, they have the resources that they have and that's what they used.

And even this weekend I was speaking to someone who has. 20, 25, 30 year old kids. And she was saying how she can't believe how people are feeding their kids solids. Whereas when she was a new mom, it was , absolutely do not give your food. Do not give your kid anything solid. You have to only feed them purees.

Where here. I am giving my kid a piece of steamed broccoli and she's panicking because she thinks that kid's going to choke. And I'm like, no, this is that we're teaching them this, this way. And then I'm sure that when you know, maybe I'm a grandmother or I'm looking at someone else in the, in generations to follow being like, Oh my God, we weren't, we weren't allowed to do that.

But it's just because these are the resources that I have. And these were the resources that she had. And this is how we're doing things. And I loved what you said about how, You know, you're not necessarily giving your kid the solution, but rather holding that space for them to, to feel what they need to feel and so that they can make their own decisions.

And I think as a parent, you want what's best for your kid and you kind of know the outcome in a way because, you know, you maybe were bullied at school or maybe you did experience you, maybe you were someone who was very sensitive. And you know that if you choose path A, it will lead here. And if you choose path B, it'll leave here.

And so you just want to be like, but just choose this one. But that's not, that's not an empowering way to parent. Right. And I, I can think of my examples as with myself growing up. And again, my parents wanted only the best for me. But did they hold me back from learning in a different way, in a way that maybe I needed to learn and now here I am, , why can't I grow in this way or why can't I build my You know, business in this way, or why, why haven't I reached the success that I envisioning in my mind?

And it's, I can see because of those childhood patterns. My goodness, Kristyn, you got me really thinking, you know, you're really thinking today.

KL: And a lot of people put a lot of pressure on themselves too. Right. And that works. It's almost like, you know, in your car, how you have a volume dial. Yeah. So imagine that volume dial being the dial for the pressure.

So you turn it up when you need it. And when you, when you don't need it, you can turn it down. So it's unuseful or useful. gaging it, visualizing that dial is really, really helpful, we all put pressure on ourselves, but sometimes it's not necessarily the useful amount of pressure.

Maybe we need a break. Maybe we need to tread water a little bit. And when we give ourselves that space or that treading water moment, we can see much more clear where we want to go.

VL: Yeah, I'm picturing that now too where, you know, someone feels maybe a little bit more like they're drowning or they're taking on water and it's like, okay, here's a little bit of a life raft.

You're still in it. Let's take a breath and see how we can get out of it together.

KL: Yeah, I love that life raft analogy because that's really, you know, the amount of stress that people are undergoing right now, especially after COVID. And I'm sure it was always there before, but it's even more, right? It's even, it's even more around you. just noticing that it, you know, sometimes you feel like you're drowning, but you're in the shallow end.

VL: Yeah. Just stand up.

KL: Your body is so used to that overwhelm that it's just like, Oh, this is what I do. I'm just overwhelmed every day.

VL: Yeah. So you've said a few things, you know, you've learned patience.

You noticed that people are feeling that overwhelm. There are so many different, I guess, causes of stress and also just Maybe it's like a manifestation of stress. It shows up as stress in our body, but what would you say are some of maybe the more common types of stress causes of stress that you witness?

And maybe that's a childhood seed that was planted. What are some of those more common ones that you've witnessed? Maybe with, with your female patients or patients who are In motherhood overwhelmed in motherhood,

KL: right? How many of us can relate to that? Yeah, so the biggest cause of stress that I see the number one men, woman, especially motherhood is the lack of control.

So, right. You're like, Oh yes. Right. When we have no control over things, we're looking for control, which is what heightens our overwhelm or stress. So we're trying to find ways to control because we don't actually feel safe in our body. But hypnosis teaches you how to feel safe in your body with allowing, allowing the world, yourself to surrender with the lack of control.

And it may be step by step. But that is the biggest thing, especially like I, I have a lot of moms come in here because I'm at the school pickup a lot. It's like March of the penguins. Sometimes they're just , flock. Because, you know, the more that out there, especially the more moms that are able to teach their, you know, I always say where the mind goes, the body follows.

So if I can give them little tips or little tools to just calm their mind and body down. That's huge. They'll take that and teach that to somebody else. And it's just a domino effect. So yeah, the biggest thing is the lack of control.

VL: Yeah, literally what I said earlier about that, what I, what I was trying to do.

Oh, well, okay. So speaking of these tools, I'd love to hear about or learn about some of maybe the steps or the tangible tools that you could share with us today of how we could support. Maybe it's not a solution, but it's a support for moms through those feelings of overwhelm and those stressful times. Thanks.

KL: Yeah, that's a great idea. So something that we talked about already was having an outcome. So everything you do have an outcome in mind. So, you know, even for this podcast, the outcome was to, you know, enhance women or mom skills of how to deal with stress. So every single thing, even if it's going to watch a show, what is your outcome?

Is it to relax? Is it to rest? Is it to give you a break? Because sometimes what happens is when we want a break, it's not actually aligning with our outcome. So people scroll through social media. But it's not always actually giving you the break that you're thinking. So really, really being very clear about your outcome.

And so we also talked about the visual auditory kinesthetic. So if you can visualize your outcome, visually auditory and kinesthetic. So, you know, these may be for more bigger outcomes or maybe something to do with your business. So if you're visualizing it, auditory hearing it, and kinesthetic feeling it, and putting that all together, and just seeing it in front of you, but also noticing that there's three ways to do it, three or more ways, okay?

So we have an outcome, number one. Number two, you're going to visualize, hear it auditory, and feel it kinesthetically. And then you're going to put three different options in front of you, three or more your choice. Okay. So those would be the biggest steps to getting out of unuseful patterns and into useful patterns.

Even if you can just identify an outcome, that's huge. Cause you may not even notice how often you're just moving and shaking, moving and shaking, and you have no outcome.

VL: Exactly. You have no, you have no end point question about those three. Outcomes with our visualization, auditory and kinesthetic are those three outcomes three positive outcomes, three things that we would be happy with, we'll say at the end of the outcome. Is that what we're aiming to do?

KL: Yeah, so that's a really good point. Thank you for that. So it's also noticing how realistic they are. Okay, so let's say, let's take an example of going for groceries, getting groceries. Okay, so I'm in a parking lot across the street from 14. Oh, so one of my outcomes is, hey, I just bought I glide over there.

I go to a stop sign and I, you know, I get there, get the groceries and get out. Another outcome could be, I get there, it's raining. I got to put an umbrella on. I get out there. I get the groceries. Then I forget my wallet in the car, grab my wallet, come back out and then get my groceries and go on. Then another option could be, Hey, I drive over, I grab my groceries.

I see a friend. Then I grab my groceries. Maybe I get a phone call from the school, hop in my car, go right to the school instead of dropping my groceries off. Okay, so it's, it's really important to be realistic about our outcome and, and noticing that sometimes like our, our imagination or what we want is up here and our reality is here.

And the gap, the further the gap is, the more frustrated we are and disappointed we are. And I wonder how your birth story, how different that was here where we needed a bit like this. So it's a bit closer,

VL: right? Interesting. Yeah. Okay. So I like this. I like this exercise. I've, I'm already visualizing the groceries and, you know, maybe some other simpler or the simple things that I would do daily or weekly.

How does this differ from, Needing the control. So right now I've just, we've just walked through three outcomes where I kind of feel like I'm still holding on to some sort of control because, you know, even though these are three different ways and it is raining today, so I might need that umbrella, how does this, how does this support me in letting go of that needing control?

KL: Yeah, that's, that's a really, really good question. And honestly, it's about having the experience. Okay, so yes, we can visualize these and have the outcomes, but it's also having the experience and noticing at the end of it, you're still okay. And you're right. So it's like going to the gym or going to Pilates.

It's, you know, it's building a muscle. So once we start in a, you know, and it may be different, it may be, you know, just the day naps for a new baby, right? There's not much control over, but having the experience. experience of noticing, okay, I have these three or more options. I visualized them, Hey, maybe one of them panned out.

Maybe it was something completely different that I didn't even think about it. And then after, okay, giving yourself feedback and noticing that you're still okay.

What could I have done differently, but also noticing in this space, how you can turn down the pressure on yourself. Because we're all just messy human beings bumping around in bumper cars.

Nobody is perfect and nobody, there's no end game to any of this. We're all learning and moving and shaking as we go through life. And every experience that we have, so it's having the experience and kind of going from there, giving yourself feedback from there, how it could be different next time.

VL: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I like the, I like what you said about taking off the pressure and I think a lot of that comes from just the outside world and the society that we live in kind of thing. I know I've had conversations with other new moms who are the pressure to bounce back to look a certain way, the pressure to go back to work at a certain amount of time, the pressure to do it all.

And one of the things that I've learned in my own experience in the last eight months is that realistically. to help me feel better to help the, but to help me end the day and think, ah, okay, this was a good day. Or, you know, this, this is how I've done it better is by not scheduling so many things in a day.

I'm not going to lie. Today is a busy day for me. And so this morning I was like a chicken with its head cut off. How am I going to do all of the things? And even just having this conversation with you is such a reminder of , you know what? I might be a little bit late to that next thing and that's okay.

And I'm a little bit nervous about it. I guess my anxiety is because the next thing on my calendar today is at a location that was changed. So last week it was supposed to be outside, but now that it's raining today, they've moved it to a completely different location that I've never been to.

Apparently the front door is confusing and I'm like, you have a baby and it's a photo shoot. So You gotta, you know, look a certain way, whatever. It's just there. It feels like there's more pressure, but here I am thinking, wait a second, where is this pressure coming from? Am I turning up the volume on this pressure or, and the answer is yes, I am. It's me who's putting this pressure on. So how can I dial this back a bit? Right. Yeah.

KL: What if that, , the rain outside actually, , what if your photos turn out even better

because of all of this, right? Because you don't even realize how many opportunities you're missing or how many doors you don't even see because you're like, I have to stay with these doors. These are my safe doors. Maybe 10 more doors.

VL: Absolutely. And I think too, part of, so when you have, when you have a little baby, you are working with naptimes and wake windows and you know, you've got to be somewhere at a certain time because he's got to be sleeping at this time and it just becomes this domino effect of the day kind of goes to a bit of a messy spot.

And also. I am someone who believes in leaving room for miracles or for magic or just creating some space for something to something to flourish or for example, with, with your grocery store picking up the groceries, bumping into a friend, well, you don't want to feel so rushed that you can't say hi to your friend or you can't have a conversation or give them a hug or whatever it is.

You want to kind of create that space in your day or in your life for those opportunities that you didn't even think of because most of the time if I look back on some of the best parts of my life, they weren't things that I planned. They weren't outcomes that I envisioned or I thought or I kinesthetically connected to.

They were completely Random, serendipitous, you know, magical experiences and they're some of my favorite memories. Right.

KL: Yeah. And it's interesting, it, you know, you can either fight life or you can surrender into it. So it is really cool. And we say in hypnosis, the person with the most flexibility in the room actually has the most control.

VL: I love that.

KL: Yeah.

VL: It's for that on a t shirt.

KL: Yeah. And this behavior flexibility is really, really important, especially modeling for your, your baby, right.

It's important and it's a skill in life that we're not naturally taught. So it's teaching ourselves how to be flexible, how to be flexible, how to surrender. It makes me think of , have you ever, have you ever gone surfing? Yeah. So it makes me have like, you know, when you fall and if you tense up when you surf or even skiing downhill, if you tense up, you actually hurt yourself more. But if you just surrender and let go, you hurt yourself less.

VL: Yeah.

KL: You hurt yourself less.

VL: You don't not hurt yourself. You hurt yourself less. Yeah. Wow. Oh man. Surrendering. I feel like this is going to be a common theme in my, my life this year.

KL: Yeah, totally. Hey, I can teach you a couple more things about how people cope if you want.

VL: Yeah,

KL: let's do it. Okay, so this is kind of cool because we'll actually get our listeners involved. So all you're going to do, are you okay to follow me here for a sec?

VL: Yeah. Let's, I'm surrendering.

KL: I'm surrendering. Okay. So all you're going to do is say what I say and do what I do.

VL: Okay.

KL: There's no way of doing this wrong.

Turning down the pressure of the volume button here. Okay. It's really, really easy. And then we'll go into a metaphor about it and explain it a bit more in detail.

VL: Love it.

KL: All right. So you're going to look at your wall beside you. If you can still talk into the mic, I just don't want you pointing at me. I don't want you to hate me.

Okay.

VL: I'll look at the wall.

KL: Okay. And you're going to go. It's all your fault.

VL: Okay. It's all your fault.

KL: Nice job. Nice job. And then you're going to put your hands out in front of you, and you're going to say anything you want, I'm here for you.

VL: Anything you want, I'm here for you.

KL: Nice. And then you're going to put your finger on your chin and say, if I was to analyze this.

VL: If I was to analyze this.

KL: Nice. And the fourth one is the hardest. Are you ready? Okay. . Yeah. You just move your body

Nice. Nice. Okay, so these, these are four ways people cope. Okay?

VL: Four ways

KL: people cope with stress. Okay. So a well-known family therapist named Virginia Satir came up with this metaphor to explain. So there's four people in a boat. Okay, these four people are in a boat and there's a hole in the boat. The water is going everywhere.

Okay, the first person in the boat goes, who put the hole in the boat? The second person in the boat says, I will swim to shore and save everyone. The third person in the boat goes, if I was to analyze this, we're going to sink in 3. 2 seconds. And the fourth person in the boat goes, Hey, look, there's a bird and nobody is fixing the hole in the boat.

Right? So when we're stressed or overwhelmed, we, we usually fall into one of these four categories of overwhelm or coping with stress. And often as moms, we tend to people, please, we take care of other people. And then what happens is when we take care of other people, other people and forget about ourselves, we get into this resentful spiral.

We get resentful and then we, we, you know, get the stress and the overwhelm. And that's where I see a lot, a lot of my clients, especially moms. So we have the blamer. It's all your fault, which also can happen , I've had that happen with my husband. It's all my husband's fault. Never my fault. Then there's, The, you know, the placater who takes care of other people, and then there's someone who's a computer who's in their head, which can get very, very overwhelming if you're, you're just in your head all the time, because you're internal versus external, we talked about having an experience, we're thinking about the experience, but not having it.

And then there's the distractor, which often, you know, we have weight loss clients who are distracting with food. We have smokers, stop smoking clients who are just smack distracting with a cigarette or now I guess it's a vape. Or sometimes this can be with drinking or, you know, lots of other things, but there are just four ways that we cope with stress.

Four ways and the opposite. And especially, I loved watching you go through your birth story because when you finally got to a place where you leveled with yourself.

VL: Mm-Hmm. ,

KL: you were like, oh, wait a second. I can see that, you know, there's, there's the control thing in there. And if I saw a few more options, it, it might have gone a bit better.

Yeah. So the opposite is leveling with yourself. If you can get to a place where you can level, you can give yourself feedback and just move on to the next situation. Love that. Kind of a cool tool that people can use.

VL: Yeah, and I can even see how I've been all four of those people in different situations or even a combination in the same situation where I feel overwhelmed and I want to, maybe I'm blaming someone that I'm in my head, then I'm avoiding it. Or distracting myself.

KL: Yeah, it is very, very common that all of us use all of these. But the cool thing is, is once you notice it, and some people have clients come in and They're telling me their story and their fingers on their chin. Mm hmm. This is a pattern interrupt.

VL: This is literally me. I, yeah. Oh, it's so, that's fascinating. But it's, it's recognizing the pattern too, right? You just gave us a tool or a visual or a story to help us understand how to interrupt that pattern. And even right away without another step, without the outcome tool that you taught us as well, you can already feel how you've just stopped.

Yeah. Doing the thing that you're doing, whether that was blaming people, pleasing, distracting, analyzing. I feel called out. I feel called out.

KL: Hey, but we all do it right. We've all done it over and over and over again. And, and it's building another muscle. That's all of it. Building you, you presented it so beautifully though, cause you naturally just had it happen, right. And naturally have it happen all the time.

VL: Yeah. Yeah. Again, just so much, so much to think about, but I don't need to analyze everything. No,

KL: it's you coming in and having the experience of hypnosis as well, because hypnosis is, is getting you to a really, really relaxed state. And from there, you can make better choices or more useful choices.

VL: Yeah. So that's actually perfect. Because I, my next question is for people listening who are interested in trying hypnosis or curious about it. What would you say to them as their next step? If they're, if they're not sure yet.

KL: What would I say? Yeah. I would say, so we do free screenings. It's not the right program for everyone.

So we want to make sure it's the right place for you. So we do an hour free screening. I teach you some cool tips, some tools in that as well. And it's all about human betterment. So if this is the right place for you, we're looking to get you to your goals, your outcomes, your dreams. And for us in this, you know, as a hypnotist, there's a.

A bunch of us in North America, we're actually part of the master hypnosis society. And there's 200 of us across North America. And. You know, as clients, you guys are our walking advertisements. So if you're interested in hypnosis or if it intrigues you, book a screening, see if the program's right for you.

You know, have the experience like we talked about, and if it's right for you, great. Put both feet in the boat. If not, you had some cool tips and you can take them into your world.

VL: Mm hmm. Great. So where can we find you and follow you and book this screening? Tell

KL: us. Yeah. So you can check out my website.

It's westendhypnosis.ca and my phone number is 416 666 1457. Or you can send me an email at info@westendhypnosis.ca.

VL: Amazing. I'm going to link to that in the show notes for everybody. And for those of you who are looking for the show notes, they're either below the video or the audio description, or you can go to Valerie living life.

com forward slash Kristyn K R I S T Y N. Awesome. There is a one final segment of the show. It's a rapid fire round where I asked three questions, but right before. I ask you those three questions. Is there anything else you'd like to share before the rapid fire round?

 KL: I think just, you know, if, if you need help or you feel stressed or overwhelmed, there's so many resources nowadays, so many resources try it on experience different things just to see what's right for you because life's short, you know, we're craddle to grave and it goes by quickly. Get what you want out of life.

  VL: That's lovely. Okay, my dear. Three questions. Rapid fire round. Here we go. Number one. What does empowerment mean to you?

KL: When I actually visualize empowerment, I see someone like very strong standing there. It also looks like a community to me. Empowerment with like this love, strength and people around them.

That's what I see when I see the word empowerment.

VL: Oh, I love that. No, I don't think anyone's described it visually like that before, but I love that question. Number two is what is the best piece of advice you have for new moms?

KL: New moms ease the pressure on yourself. It is a tough time. Also giving yourself space. to do what fills your bucket.

VL: Love that. And that's actually a great segue into the third question. What is one way, I'm going to use your languaging, what is one way you are filling your bucket this week?

KL: One way I am filling my buckets I feel like I fill my bucket every day. Okay. Today. How are you filling your bucket today? Okay.

KL: Well, I went to the gym this morning, so that was filling my bucket and moving my body. I did not want to get out of bed, especially on a rainy day. And having that space is filling my bucket and then talking to you.

VL: Yay. Thank you so much. Well, this has been an absolute pleasure. I am so excited to continue to use a lot of the tools that you shared today.

Even already, I'm already using it and I already feel more calm and less pressure. So I'm excited for the listener to also experience this too. Like I said, I'm going to link to all of the ways to connect with you in the show notes. And thank you so much again. I just want to acknowledge you for the work that you're doing, for how you've showed up today and how you've been able to support I'm very grateful for you.

KL: Thanks, Val. Thanks for having me. I'm grateful for you too.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E255:Holistic Healing Post-Cesarean: What worked and What Didn’t

Recovering from a cesarean birth is a deeply personal journey that goes far beyond physical healing. In this episode, I dive into my own post-cesarean healing process, sharing the holistic tools and methods that worked for me—and the ones that didn’t. From physical recovery to mental, emotional, and spiritual healing, we cover it all.

We’ll discuss the importance of healing not only the scar but also the relationship with it, as well as the pressure of "bounce-back culture" and how to challenge those expectations. This episode is a space to empower women, offering insights into childbirth, postpartum recovery, and holistic practices that nurture both body and soul.

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Listen/Watch/Read Episode 254 here.

For the purpose of today's show, what you need to know is that I spent my entire pregnancy preparing for an unmedicated vaginal birth, and I left the hospital with a six inch, 15 centimeter incision in my lower abdomen. You could say that my birth plan did not go as planned. And although that was true what I was also unprepared for was the recovery that followed…

A C section. A C section or cesarean section is a surgical procedure where the baby is delivered through seven layers of tissue that they have to cut, including layers of your abdomen and uterus to pull the baby out. And according to clevelandclinic. org, C sections are performed when a vaginal delivery isn't possible or safe, or when the health of the mother or the baby is at risk.

In my case, the midwife and the OB on call were concerned about the baby's heart rate or the baby's health. And, who by the way, the baby is totally fine and healthy and he's our happy little baby, which I am so grateful for. Now there are many other reasons why women get C sections, including certain health conditions internal obstructions or complications throughout the pregnancy and I fully understand and appreciate that the medical staff has the health of the mother and the baby as a priority. So there are scenarios where a c section can truly save lives. Before having my own cesarean, I was adamant on a natural vaginal birth.

I wanted the full experience. And I felt that as a woman, I had this privilege and this incredible ability and transformation into motherhood. So when I was told that the baby was in distress and they'd have to perform a C section, I was devastated and I felt robbed of my birth right. No pun intended, of course.

I felt so uninvolved in the delivery and because I was so uninvolved in this delivery process, I had a lot of trouble saying that I gave birth. And to be honest with you, I'm still noticing that I have trouble saying I gave birth seven months later. I actually refer to the experience more as my operation more than my delivery.

Now, since I planned on a vaginal birth, any research that I did ahead of time was on preparing for and recovering from postpartum vaginal delivery, I skipped over any and all information about cesareans and this only added to the stress, the discomfort, and the pain that I was feeling after the procedure.

Here's what I didn't know about cesareans.

Before having a c section, you have to sign consent forms. Since it is a medical procedure, there are obviously risks involved. When the c section is planned, I imagine that you have time to ask questions. questions and discuss the procedure with your OB. Whereas if it's unplanned, there are a bunch of people in your face reading the paperwork with some haste.

And in my case, I was very upset and experiencing labor pains and contractions. So it was difficult to understand or kind of remember all of the questions that they asked me. I can recall that there were so Many questions are so much paperwork involved that my partner, Craig had to fill out a lot of it on behalf of me.

And at the time I, you know, I was being rushed into this operating room and again, just very upset by the whole situation. It makes sense that for this procedure, you will be under anesthesia. And I had an epidural, which I later learned is also known as a spinal block, which numbs you from your breasts to your feet.

You cannot feel pain when you have an epidural. And I don't really remember having any control over my legs at all, but I could still feel the sensations of the operation, including the cutting and the pulling. And, of course, you are not numb to the emotional pain you may experience, as I did. You're awake for the whole thing, which I actually prefer versus being unconscious, especially when my plan was to be very much involved.

However, the lack of mental and emotional preparedness was quite devastating for me. I've read that in some cases, a general anesthetic is necessary for emergency C sections, In some cases, like I said, since they work a lot faster, another thing that makes sense, but I didn't know was that a catheter is inserted to keep your bladder empty.

And they will actually move your bladder to the side. When they cut through the abdomen to get to the uterus and the baby, they put some sort of suppository up your butt for pain, I think. They told me when they were doing it, but I can't remember right now. And even though I was awake, I couldn't see anything that was happening.

They put this translucent sheet between the baby and me. There was a sterile drape over my body, and Craig was in a sterile gown and cap on the same side of the drape that I was. Thankfully, the baby came out screaming and after some short checks, they placed him on my chest.

Now I'm not sure how long the whole procedure took, but things moved both quickly and also slowly from my perspective. With cesareans, the placenta is removed after the baby, umbilical cord is cut, and a lot of the blood is actually vacuumed out as well as part of the procedure. The blood loss following a c section is twice as much as a vaginal birth.

However, I believe there is more blood loss in the weeks following the vaginal birth than the cesarean, since a lot of it is vacuumed out during the procedure. They stitched up the layers inside my abdomen, but the outer layer was kind of pulled together or pinched together and then sealed with steri strips, which are basically just like long, thin pieces of medical tape.

You have to stay in the hospital for 48 hours following a C section. I'm assuming for all kinds of monitoring, although I think personally, I would prefer to stay only 24 hours and then be in the comfort of my own home after that. Obviously, there are risks with vaginal or c section deliveries. However, The risks are higher for C sections for things like infection, hemorrhaging, embolism, injury to the bladder or the bowel, abnormalities of the placenta in future pregnancies, risks from the anesthesia, fetal injury.

It has been said that recovering from a C section can be more difficult since C sections are more likely to cause chronic pelvic pain, a little bit more on this later. I think one of the things that Breaks my heart the most is that I'm more likely to have a c section in future pregnancies there can be also trouble with breastfeeding and Your baby may be at a greater risk for breathing problems And I got this information also from clevelandclinic.org .

I shouldn't say that I didn't know anything about cesareans, it was more that I was very committed to the opposite experience, that I really did skip over chapters of books or blog posts that shared any information. Then afterwards, when I was doing the research for C sections, I was quite disappointed to see that there was little to no information on C section recovery that felt good in my own heart and my own health beliefs.

If you didn't already know, I'm someone who sees a very holistic approach as the first response, and I believe in preventative health practices and habits. The majority of information that I found online was very surface level, very non specific and really advocating for the medication that they give you at the hospital, the opioids and things first and foremost.

I am not against modern medicine. I would like to put that out there right now. I can understand that there is a time and a place. And I was also breastfeeding a very tiny human who would be consuming everything that I was consuming, including medication.

So I didn't just want to pop pills all day. Although I can see, and I understand why you would want to, because it is, it is quite painful. Reflecting back on what I was learning post op, post delivery and what I had studied for years, it was very clear that the holistic community was very much against c sections, and this was another point of loss for me.

It's horrible to say this, but the holistic community, especially in the online space, can get really caught up in the black and white of the birth experience. When really, pregnancy, birth, motherhood, there's a lot of gray. This is another no pun intended situation because my son's name is Grayson. But in all seriousness, there's this feeling that somehow you've betrayed the holistic If consent to a C section when truthfully, I didn't want one in the first place and I didn't really have a choice at the time.

As I shared more of my experience and my trauma and my heartache with my own community online, I was receiving very heartfelt messages from other C section mamas. Many of them with the same emotional pain that I was feeling even years later, there was a part of me that felt seen, felt heard, felt deeply understood, and also More sad to learn that I wasn't the only one who felt this way.

I discovered that I was grieving from a birth experience that I so desperately wanted and through the stories and the conversations with other women, I knew that there was healing to be done and time to be had, which is one of the reasons why this podcast is coming out, you know, months later,

truthfully, I felt called to speak about my experience. Very soon after it happened. However, it just wasn't ready to do that publicly on the podcast, but I wanted to do this because I want to hopefully help other women in their healing journey. And most of the literature that I was reading online had big, bold titles of how to recover from a C section fast.

And I was searching more for words like healing, safe, holistic, which were a bit harder to find those words. So since a lot of my research led me to blogs that gave me advice, like walk a little bit every day, go back to regular exercise after six weeks, keep your incision clean.

I know that I had to use myself as a bit of a guinea pig and experiment with different techniques. I'd love to share with you what worked and what didn't. But before I do, I do want to remind you that I am not a medical professional. This is in no way medical advice. I am speaking from my experience.

In the very early days after the cesarean delivery, there was little I could do physically. I couldn't walk without wincing, my feet had swollen so bad my toes were like little sausages. It was, it was gross. But it was very difficult to get in and out of bed by myself, I needed help. In the first few days at home I got up every morning and I had a shower and this was one of my favorite parts of the day because it was just for me.

And I could be alone with my body, my emotions. I use eucalyptus essential oil in the shower. I took long, deep breaths while the water steamed up. This was to help calm my nervous system. This was sometimes a place where I could just shed tears. They poured out of my eyes. Sometimes they didn't. The shower became a ritual, which also involved soaping my belly and washing the soap down over my incision.

In those early days, it was very difficult to see my incision because my belly was very loose skin, kind of swollen.

I ended up taking photos of my incision so that I could monitor it.

To help keep the incision clean, it needs to be dry. So what you can do is you can actually use a hairdryer. I would do the cool setting if you have that option and kind of hold it a little further away so the air is not too forceful on it. It does kind of sting or pinch a bit, but you can use a hairdryer to blow it dry since it's not recommended to touch it.

You could pat dry with a towel. I did that. The other thing you can do is just make sure it's very gentle when you're patting it dry. But the other thing you can do is you can try lying flat on your back to let the incision dry. However, the more horizontal I was, the harder it was for me to get back up to a seated position.

I had this kind of like wedge pillow so that it helped me sleep a little more upright. And quite honestly, I'm a little rattled that I didn't order that sooner, but. Again, I didn't really know. I wasn't, I was very unprepared while it was strange to sleep upright, it was the most comfortable position for me to rest in for longer periods of time.

And for quite a while, I would say like a few weeks at least, maybe like six weeks, eight weeks post op. You see, since your skin is so stretched. and loose on the belly. If you tried, or if I tried to lie down on my side, the skin would sag on the side and it would pull the incision. And that was very painful.

It took a very long time for me to lay on my side or on my belly. And even though I kept my incision clean, it did get infected and I did have to take antibiotics. Another big no, no in the holistic community. Let me tell you. But I took antibiotics for five days and because of this, I tried to eat more probiotics like kimchi to help rebuild my gut flora.

While the outside of the incision is healing, you aren't supposed to put too much on it because it needs to breathe and to heal. So I was wearing an organic cotton diaper for the vaginal blood loss. And I also found the diaper (affiliate) better than the mesh underwear, which is a very common option. I found it better because the mesh underwear kind of interfered with the incision.

They're both quite high waisted. The incision is very low. It's like a bikini line cut. So if I, if I was just wearing my underwear, you wouldn't be able to see the incision or like a, even a cheeky bikini, you wouldn't be able to see the incision because it's so low. The underwear interfering with the incision or the wound.

I noticed that I would bleed through my pants a little bit or through that mesh underwear. Again, it kind of caught the gauze. This would be something as well if you have stitches, any gauze underwear. Yeah, you just don't want things tuggin and pullin down there, okay? Real talk. You don't want any of that.

It's already, like I said, the loose skin is already so like I said, I, sometimes I would bleed a little bit through my underwear or my pants, just small amounts of blood, but still got on the bedsheets. And It wasn't great. I'm not going to lie. I did not love that. Besides walking to the bathroom and the nursery a few times a day, I actually stayed in bed as much as possible.

Most of the blogs I read to say said to keep moving and walking as much as possible. Intuitively, my body needed more rest and this was instead of more walking. That being said. I try to do as much self massage of my legs. I did a lot of dry brushing before the shower for the lymph flow. I'm going to link to this video that I watched for lymphatic drainage and dry brushing in the show notes for you and the video description if you're watching the video.

Some of the other things I did in those early days and first week of recovery were self Reiki on my wound. I was also saying as many kind words to myself as possible. Another new mom friend of mine said that her friend who had a C section found it helpful to lay her baby on the scar for healing. And I thought that was really beautiful.

Obviously not right away, but When your wound is healed after those six weeks, it's typically.

I also practiced meditation daily. There was a 30 day nervous system program and a meditation app (use my link for a free month) I used. And this was a very beautiful ritual that I shared with my baby every day. The first few weeks, it felt like. The end of how I was feeling, the pain, the grief, the sadness, the discomfort, all of that, it felt like that was so far away.

And by that, I mean that the end of the physical pain, the exhaustion, the discomfort, all of it, every single week, however, That went by I felt stronger and stronger. It was incredible To see one your baby's growth week to week, but also your own growth week to week It's quite powerful in your own healing if you're allowing it It was really important that I didn't overexert myself.

I pushed a little too hard one day And by nighttime I would notice that I would be in more pain in my abdomen, even more exhausted than normal for me, my normal at the time. For pain support, I was taking Tylenol, but less and less every day. I was also taking 300cc of Arnica, and I'm not certain that you're supposed to do both, but eventually I was only using the pain relief for sleep.

Mind you, I was up a lot at night with the baby. I'm also very fortunate to have an incredible partner who was very supportive. He cooked meals, he massaged my feet and legs. He encouraged me to take naps and rest when I was pushing too hard to do more. There were lots of times that I felt really guilty for not being able to do simple household things to help him out.

He was just taking on everything. And I mentioned before that this was not what we prepared for. So, you know, we weren't prepared for him to be doing all of that while I was focusing on myself and on the baby.

I know that there are a lot of women who don't have the same support system, and some of them are right back to work or hosting guests in their home days after giving birth. And I've spoken to women who have done what I did and rested, and I've spoken to women who have, you know, jumped right back into all the things and then some, and every single one of us has said.

Don't host people at your house. And if you can help it, don't jump right back into work. Take as much time as you can, because honestly, those first few days. Weeks, months with the baby. They're very sacred. They're very special and your healing is so important. Those first 40 days postpartum are setting the stage for your health and hormones for years, decades to come.

I did not lose an abundance of hair. I'm seven and a half months postpartum. And if you are watching this video, you can see that I have lots of hair and I actually have had a haircut since giving birth.

Not only do I have an amazing life partner, but I also have an incredible business partner who has been so supportive, ongoing with my own healing And taking my time coming back to our physical brick and mortar business. At about week 4, I was walking more around the house and our property.

It's not that big of a property or anything. But I was able to walk the recycling bins out to the street and I was wearing the baby carrier wrap around the house. I also saw my pelvic floor physio at week 4 who gave me the thumbs up to do. To do very gentle exercise. And one of the reasons why she gave me the thumbs up a little earlier than most people would typically get, usually it's around the six week mark was because I have a very thorough background in health and wellness and.

physical exercise specifically. So I have been a Pilates teacher for 10 years and a yoga teacher for even longer than that. I'm also very in tune with my own body and she knows this about me. And even though she gave me the green light, I didn't necessarily jump into working out again, that being said, for me, it was the permission that I needed to be able to carry my baby in the car seat and to lift that car seat into the car without worrying that my, I was going to, you know, pull something or get a herniation or worsen any abdominal separations.

Because there is usually almost all, I would say always a physical separation in the abdominal wall known as diastasis. But basically I wanted to make sure that I wasn't hurting myself by going out of the house with my baby and carrying him and all those things, because that bucket seat, that infant car seat is very heavy and your baby's only getting bigger with time.

So because I have a background in movement as well as physical recovery, pelvic floor health, I did feel very confident in movement. And, and in the movement that I was doing. So my partner Craig goes to a gym where it's a very intense and there's lots of like circuit kind of training exercises.

And he was like, Oh, you know, this girl just had a baby and she's back at the gym with us. And I think truthfully, he meant it in a very encouraging way to say like, no, she can do it. You can do it. And I was like, well, did she have a C section? Is she breastfeeding? Is she, does she have a traumatic birth experience?

Like there's so little that we know. And then I'm thinking like, does she know what she's doing in terms of engaging her core properly? And. I am gonna say this. I, I was gonna, you know what, okay, I'm gonna say it and it's controversial. You just had a baby. You have nothing to prove by working out not to yourself and not to anybody else.

There is a horrible sense of pressure, or there's just a horrible pressure of needing to bounce back in, in the culture that we live in. We are in and whether that pressure is from you or from other people that are close to you or just societally I, I don't need that. And I actually feel that the more you rest and recover the quote unquote quicker you will heal and be able to bounce back in a true way where it's from the inside.

Thank you. Like you might look a certain way on the outside and you might be able to pull off a crazy workout, but how do you actually feel on the inside? Because even when my incision was healed, my body didn't feel right. I didn't feel like myself. Things would feel very open. Like there's lots of space in there.

There was a baby in there yesterday. And then today there's no baby. You know what I mean? Anyway, I'm, I'm going off on a tangent. And also, so even though I said that and that's controversial, I also. Firmly believe that you know your body better than anyone else. And if you feel not because anyone else is telling you to, but if you feel like, yes, I need this crazy workout circuit training situation with lots of heavyweights, that's how you feel for your body.

Okay. So I'm not telling you what to do, except to listen to your own body. It wasn't for me anyway. So what I was doing in those first six weeks that were really helping me a lot of diaphragmatic breathing, pelvic floor opening, as well as strengthening. And some mobility work with my hips, my legs, my spine, just really gentle moving, nothing super structured.

It was more intuitive in nature, very functional movements as well. Around five weeks I saw a naturopath who encouraged me to keep resting and moving at my own pace. She also recommended rhodiola supplement the drinking red raspberry leaf tea to help me with my cortisol levels, which I was already drinking red, red raspberry leaf tea from before.

In pregnancy, so just keep drinking that it's also really nice if you're into iced tea with the attention to rest and self care, I was noticing profound differences week to week. And at my six week follow up with the midwives and the OB, we had very positive conversations. The OB was impressed with how well my incision was healing considering the infection I had earlier on.

And I didn't mention this, but I also had, like, a gaping hole right in the middle. It's hard to describe, and that probably sounds, like, more dramatic than it was. But it's probably, like, the size of my thumbprint. Eh, maybe smaller than my thumbprint. Maybe my index fingerprint. I don't know. There was like a hole right in the middle that I had to remove the steri strips eventually.

I think you remove them after a week But then we had to close it up and then they gave me extra steri strips, which I had to like re pinch and close Craig helped me with that. It actually didn't hurt because you do lose a lot of feeling there for a while near the incision so And it's still just now like coming back in different ways, but that was more mentally like messed up for me.

I was so nervous and I started crying even though I couldn't feel anything when he was doing it. But yeah, so the OB was really impressed. The incision was healing really well. Once I had the go ahead from my midwives and the OB about the incision, that's when I started to incorporate a little more structured movement in the form of very gentle.

Super gentle. Okay. Super gentle Pilates. I put together my own little mat program for myself to do at home. I saw my osteopath for some help with my ribs and kind of like all those organs shifting back into place. Like I said, it feels very spacious. I was having some mild back pain from having a weaker core.

I was noticing early on. I saw a massage therapist once a month for relaxation, but as well as some scar tissue massage. And I worked on my neck and shoulders a lot with the massage therapist because I was very hunched over from nursing or favoring one side when I was carrying the baby. So this was all really helpful as well.

The massage therapist showed me some techniques that I could add into my morning shower routine for that scar tissue massage. I will say the first few times I did this, it was very emotional and I actually had to wait a few weeks before going back to the scar again. It was physically painful and emotionally painful, but instead I started using different tools on the scar.

And by that I mean I was touching the scar with my fingers, with a brush, with a comb, just to really get, help me get this feeling back in the area. I still touch it often At week eight, I began private Pilates at our studio. I did this so I could move at my own pace. I could bring my baby with me. It was amazing how I felt really strong and I had all this muscle memory.

And at the same time, I felt really weak. It's so cool how the body Heals and how the body knows things, you know, you have that muscle memory and yet you're, you feel like you're in a whole new body. It's pretty wild. And like, I knew what I was doing, but my body was like, Whoa, this is a little bit foreign, but it's again, it's a little bit, it's a little trippy.

One of the things that I thought was really helpful. In my healing was castor oil packs by the sixth or seventh week. I started doing these almost every night. It would heat up some water in my, for my hot water bottle. I put castor oil on like a cotton cloth with the, how to like an elastic band. I can link to that as well in the show notes,

And then you place the castor oil pack That's what it's called when you make it like this. You place it over the incision and over the lower abdomen. Then I place that hot water bottle on top of that. Usually I was wearing like a t shirt or I had like the blankets in between me and the hot water bottle because sometimes it was too hot.

But essentially, This helps or the oil helps the blood flow with the heat. So oil and heat combination here, castor oil and heat, helps the blood flow to that area. And this can really help increase the circulation to the area as well, as it's drawing more blood to the area and encouraging the breakdown of scar tissue.

I did not have the C section shelf, they call it. It's like a little pouch Of tissue over the scar, and I'm pretty sure this is because I really focused on lymphatic flow and drainage early on, and I think the castor oil packs really helped with this as well The other thing I noticed was that the castor oil can really help with improving mobility and the appearance of the scar.

So, like I said, my scar healed quite well. And then I was, you know, it, it's less red now and it's getting smaller now. It does still feel a little scar tissue y, which is quite normal. It's just gonna take some time. But I was noticing that all the daily movements and the workouts that I was incorporating were feeling A little bit easier.

The one exercise, however, that I found the most, I'll call it sensitive. in my scar area are lunges and I still feel this way today. So I really have to be mindful of like how far back I can go. I'm quite flexible, but whether my leg is sliding back or I'm stepping my leg back, I really feel a tug or a pulling sensation near my scar.

And I'm just getting like goosebumps right now thinking about it, even though I'm sitting down and not lunging at all. So I have to be very mindful even today, even to this day. I have to be mindful not to go too far or too deep into that movement, even though I'm still incorporating that movement. I do feel that it's important.

It is a very functional movement. Within the first five months, I was doing All of these things quite consistently, most of them weekly, some of them daily, some of them monthly. I also started to incorporate red light therapy with a red light therapy belt that I got online around my scar. I will say I had trouble being consistent with this, so I'm not entirely sure if it helped a lot, but it didn't hurt me in any way.

So if you already have a red light therapy belt or any red light therapy, it would be worth trying mentally and emotionally. I also did some journaling and I found reading about or sharing birth stories with other women to be incredibly healing. We've all had such different experiences and have had lots of different advice.

I actually asked a few of the people that I spoke to, if I could share some of their quotes with you. And one of the questions I asked them was in terms of your healing. Was there anything you did to support yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically, and here's what they said. Here's what they shared with us.

Paula, who's also a homeopath, shared: “Big ones more practically for me were osteopathy, homeopathy. and therapy. I don't think I have healed as well as I did without therapy and processing the birth. I was talking to a friend who had a C section 10 years ago, and she talked about how you feel towards your scar is how you feel about your birth.

And the healing your scar means that you're healing That relationship and that really landed for me. I agree completely with this. It's almost like you need the emotional and mental support. And then the physical is just kind of supporting that part of the healing.”

Ashley said, “My priority was getting up and showering in the morning, first thing, eating something decent and the rest fell into place. The days that I didn't do that were awful around 5 p. m. I would come around and I hadn't showered or done anything all day. The days I showered seemed to set the tone for the rest of the day.”

I was so excited to share this because it's something so practical. And even for myself, I just needed that time in the morning, whether that shower was two minutes or 10 minutes or somewhere in between, it did really set the tone for the day for myself as well. It was a little ritual. but it was also a little win. And when you're with a newborn and you just had major abdominal surgery, a lot of things don't feel like a win. And so this is an, I don't want to say easy one, but this is a practical one. It's not always easy.

Deanna shared that “The first time around, I had my mom over a lot. And she was like, Because of my baby blues. And luckily my husband had the first two weeks off. I spoke to the nurses mostly though, about baby blues in the hospital.

Physically, I took the ibuprofen and Tylenol. I was told to take both C sections. Physically too, I wore the abdominal binder and then the belly band it once I was too small for the binder.

I'm still using the belly bandit. I use it for like 14 plus weeks. Last time mentally, I had never gone that long without working out regularly. So I took walks daily, which started out as 10 minute long walks at first and lengthened as I got comfortable and then resumed to yoga and orange theory. Once I was cleared by my MD, I did also do women's health physio, which really helped a ton. I already have a pelvic floor physio set up to start six to eight weeks post op.“

I want to really highlight again, because let me tell you, it was not jumping an orange theory, but I want to highlight what she said as I got comfortable. And then I returned to yoga and orange theory, like As you get comfortable, add in more and just know that you can always pair back if you need to for that movement.

Adrienne said, “I relied heavily on programming through the city I live in. I had my first c section baby right before COVID and it was such a weird time. I didn't have any visitors, there wasn't anywhere to go. To do or see then after a year of it, the early on program started to open up. I went every single day.

It saved me when I found the program at the local rec center. I ran home and told my partner about it and I was almost in tears. It changed my life. I still keep in touch with the program leaders. Even if I don't take my children there, it is the absolute best program available to moms and kids.

Highly, highly, highly recommend it. When I had my second baby, though, I was so busy with the toddler who was Only in daycare, part time that I didn't have time to focus on me or how I was doing mentally, emotionally. I was just going. The third baby is a whole new ballgame. I think I had postpartum blues or I was more aware of it this time.

I reached out to more people. I've been more honest with myself and with my family. I take more breaks. I try to stay positive, reach out to friends. That's it. Go to programs, spend time with the family and the kids and move. It's so easy to isolate yourself. So I try to push myself out of my comfort zone. Even if I just go outside and pick weeds, it helps.”

I was also very excited to share this as well because so in our area, there's early on programs. I'm not sure about everywhere else. I'm really just learning about these programs myself. However, I did find some local mom groups through Instagram and just chatting with people online.

And I went to a couple of them. I'm signed up for a different group starting next week. I'm excited about that. But the ones that I went to were just like drop in like mom, social kind of thing at this cool cafe. I actually had the cafe on my, I want to visit list. And when I got there and I just kind of like sat down and started talking to these new moms and strangers, and we all have these little babies and we're sitting in a circle and these blankets and stuff.

And it's just nice. To be around people who get it, who are the default parent, who are navigating things the first time or the second time, everyone, no matter where they're at in their journey, have some sort of little tidbit of wisdom or just. The capacity to hold space for you in that moment and for you to hold space for them and feel seen and reciprocate that and feel heard and reciprocate that and it's, it's really a blessing to to be part of that and for, and it's just so amazing that there are people who are setting these types of programs up.

And yes, I would agree. Take advantage of those programs. The other question that I asked was, what advice would you give someone who is healing from a cesarean?

Paula shared “Advice, touch it as soon as you can, even if it's just a small amount or two inches away from it or through your clothes, build a relationship with it and talk to people who have had C sections to learn what quote unquote normal healing looks like.

We got so little information about what to expect and it can be very scary process. Also, castor oil massage and heat packs are so nice.”

Jennifer shared, “I didn't do anything to process the trauma, not until many, many years later, and having a vaginal birth with my daughter healed a lot with the exception of scary emergencies.

I don't think C sections have to be so traumatic. Women need to be better armed with information and support. They need to feel empowered in what can be a horribly powerless experience. They need to not be told that a healthy baby is all that matters. They need to know that however they feel after their birth experience is valid.”

I was nearly in tears chatting with Jennifer, whose babies are not so baby anymore, they're much older now. But to hear that. You know, similar experience of an unplanned and unwanted c section and how it's hard to say that you gave birth because you do feel very powerless. One of the things that I heard after my own traumatic experience was that, well, at least you have a healthy baby.

And it really Takes away that validation that my experience was traumatic because it was, and the more I heard about other really traumatic C sections, I kept thinking, oh, well, that didn't happen to me, so that wasn't as bad. Like, it's not the exact same. Like, I wasn't in labor for a day. I was barely in labor.

But it doesn't matter. It's still, my experience is still valid. And there was a lot of like dismissing and gaslighting after and just like, well, who cares that you had a C section and you're just sitting there like, I care. And two things can be true. I can have the truth of this was a traumatic unwanted experience.

And also I have this beautiful baby who is happy and healthy. I still had a traumatic birth, even though I have a very beautiful, happy baby. And what's, what's kind of I guess funny like a better word is that. I used to think a traumatic birth was that the baby or the mom, like, died or was seriously ill.

That is not the case at all. And I am sorry. I am, humbled by this whole experience. Many times over moving on to the incredible advice we received.

So Ashley said, “There is nothing you can do to do it wrong. So as long as you love your kids, don't forget to love yourself and your husband too. Men are quiet with it, but it's a big change for them.”

Also Adrianne shares, “Get outside, reach out, treat yourself and stay hydrated. Go to early on the program that she talked about earlier, take advantage of what the city offers. It's incredible what they have available for families and a lot of this is free.”

A lot of these a lot of these programs are free, usually through the city. You can find them also the library and things like that. Google, Google search all that.

Deanna says, “My advice would be to schedule women's health and pelvic floor physio without a doubt. Go and give yourself grace. It's a major abdominal surgery, which people, myself included, often forget.”

Thank you to all these amazing women for allowing me to share this wisdom.

It is so helpful to hear. I know it has been for myself. There is one more thing that I wanted to share on this note about pelvic floor physio. So I saw my pelvic floor physiotherapist early in my postpartum healing, as I mentioned, everything seemed to be recovering really well. However, a few months later, Maybe six months.

I was experiencing lots of pelvic pain and tightness. I was so uncomfortable, but I also knew that this wasn't normal. Not for me anyway. When I. was at the appointment with the physio. She said that the pelvic pain and tightness was indeed not normal, however, very common, especially with C section patients.

I had a friend actually reach out to me and say, why are you seeing a pelvic floor physio? You didn't even have a vaginal birth. And believe me when I tell you pelvic floor health is very important for all women, birth, pregnancy, abdominal surgery, or not all of it.

The physio shared that the tightness is common after c sections, especially because the abdominal wall is weaker. And the incision is healing so that the pelvic floor now is overcompensating when engaging the core, creating more tension, tightness, and discomfort. I went for about three visits. So this was after the six, I would say six months later, I went I went for about three visits and I really started noticing a difference after the first two total game changer, especially during intimate times with my partner, much more comfortable and pleasurable.

In case you're wondering. I'm currently seven and a half months postpartum or post op. I shouldn't say or and post op and while the list of things I've done that has really helped me is very long and to be honest I haven't mentioned a few things that I did as well but this has gone a little bit longer than I expected.

The things that did not work for me were very obvious to me very quickly and I want to share those. The first one was Not asking for help was a big detriment to my healing physically and mentally. Learning to ask for help or accept help has been life changing and so incredible. Huge, huge, hugely helpful doing too much too soon.

That's me. The Aries rising in me as this, I really noticed that my energy and my abilities when I try to do too much or move too much or too fast, too soon. Our bodies are incredible in how they heal and they need our support. Support looks like doing less, especially in the very beginning. The exceptional healing I experienced each week and the differences each week was amazing.

Genuinely, when I tell you, I did not see the end in the beginning. Like, I was like, I don't, I'm always going to feel this way. I'm always going to be, this is my nightmare. I'm living my nightmare. And then week to week, just getting that little extra gain, that little extra win, holding on to the positivity and as much as I could and it just, oh, it's amazing to see , even now, even now, I can't believe how far I've come.

But it really helped when I slowed down and I took it easy, only doing a little bit every day and eventually more each week. The other thing that didn't help, negative self talk, that was debilitating. I felt so much pressure to bounce back, as I mentioned. It, there's a lot of pressure for it. The way people look at you after, oh, you just had a baby, and they kind of do this elevator eyes that look you up and down.

But even processing the C section emotionally felt really tough. Some days, it was helpful for me to cry, but not helpful for me to wallow in that self pity. for having me. And spiral out. I let myself cry. I let myself be upset. And then I took a deep breath and another deep breath and another one. And I just allowed that pain to release a little more each time.

Allowed that anger to release a little more each day. The other thing was doom scrolling. Oh, just don't do it. It's so easy. You're just kind of stuck in bed to just watch TV or get on your phone, especially at nighttime when you're feeding the baby and you're just up at like three and then you're up at five and every other hour I'm doing that.

And it's kind of funny because there were quite a few people who were giving birth around the same time as me and we were all messaging each other at two in the morning. Oh, Hey, you're awake. No problem. Let's connect now. However, it's so much easier to just turn off the phone. Well, I shouldn't say it's easier.

It's so much more helpful to just turn off the phone, put it down, get some rest. I want to leave you with one of the biggest things that supported me, and I've kind of mentioned it over and over again, but it was talking about it, talking about your experience whether that is with a friend, a therapist, a family member.

You can do all of the physical things to heal, but if you are not focusing on the emotional and the mental part of your healing journey, you are doing yourself a disservice. And whether you are listening to this and you have a five year old or a 13 year old or a 25 year old, there is still time. To heal.

There is still time to speak about your experience. There is still time to honor yourself and, and be validated and rewrite the healing that you needed or to just come back to that. I know that was one of the things that I got a lot of messages about. People were saying, Wow, Val, you know, you're coming to a lot of conclusions earlier than I did.

In my experience, it took me years. It took me my second birth. It took me, you know, hitting a very low rock bottom. To find this healing and like I said, if you are in it right now and you are noticing that there are things that are obviously not working, stop them, don't fall into bad habits, just know that you are not alone, know that your experience was valid, is valid, your feelings are valid, and there is support available for you.

Thank you so much for holding space for me. I'm here to hold space for you too. I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day, night, week, wherever you're at. We'll see you again next time.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E254: My Birth Story - TELL ALL

In this deeply personal episode, I open up about my transformative journey from pregnancy into motherhood—a story filled with both heartache and healing. Join me as I share the raw details of my traumatic birth experience, the emotional toll of navigating a miscarriage, and the powerful lessons I learned when I failed to listen to my intuition.

This is more than just a birth story; it’s about reclaiming autonomy and self-trust after facing some of the most challenging moments of my life. Through vulnerability and reflection, I discuss how I’m moving forward, healing, and rebuilding a stronger connection with my inner voice as a mother and a woman.

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All right. All right. All right. Wow. It feels so good. Good to be back. My gosh, I missed you heaps since we've had such a long break from our last episode. I'm calling everything from this episode that you're listening to right now onward. I'm calling it season two of the women's empowerment podcast and girl.

I am excited about it. First of all, thank you so much for being here. Whether you are an OG listener or new, hi, welcome. I appreciate you. My name is Valerie and I am the creator, producer, and host of the women's empowerment podcast. And I am also a Pilates teacher and reformer studio co owner. And my newest, I guess you could call it a title is that I'm a new mom.

When I started this podcast years ago, I had just come back from a solo trip through Central America and Mexico and It changed my life and over the years, I was so grateful and so blessed to have been able to interview different women from my travels, most of them being solo entrepreneurs or other small business owners, just figuring out their own journeys.

Now I'm back on the show. And I'm back from another very big life change. It's an adventure unlike any other that I've ever been on. I am a new mom. And maybe you were following along with my journey on Instagram and saw some bits and pieces of how I was preparing for our little babe to arrive. Or maybe you saw the stories that I shared after the heartbreaking experience that I had.

Well, today. I'm getting vulnerable by sharing my birth story with you. And it's something that I've been wanting to do for a while. And it's taken me a little over six months because the little baby is almost seven months. But it's taken me over six months to actually sit. Down and share this with you.

And I wanted to share this for a few reasons. The first being that it's really helpful to hear the experiences of other women to help you either prepare for or heal from your birth experience. And the second reason is because it's helping me to heal from my experience as well. So if you haven't. If you haven't already shared your birth story, I highly recommend it.

It doesn't have to be on a podcast or publicly. It could just be that you write it down in a private journal or you share it with a close friend or family member. It's very healing. Okay. If you haven't already, settle in. We're going to be here for a little bit. Get comfy, grab a blanket or a beverage. I'm picturing us just like curled up on the couch together with our babies in our laps, and we're exchanging our birth stories, holding space for each other. I'll go first.

New Year’s Surprise

I feel that it's important to take you back to January, 2023. It was around New Year's Day or New Year's Eve and I was feeling all kinds of weird. I was confused and emotional and I was telling my boyfriend that I think we should break up and we got in a fight because we couldn't agree on what restaurant to eat at and it was very upsetting to me at the time.

The next morning, I decided, hmm, you know what, I'm going to take a pregnancy test. My period was late, I was feeling weird, and yep, there it was, the blue plus sign. I remember looking at it and feeling like my whole world was spinning. I started laughing and crying at the same time, and part of me was like, Oh, okay.

This is why I've been acting so crazy. I don't actually want to break up with Craig. It's the hormones, duh. And the other part of me was like, hold on, we are not in a position to be having a baby right now. The ducks are not in their row. Fast forward to a week later. Craig and I are on this family ski snowboard trip in the French Alps.

I am very newly pregnant, so we decided not to tell anybody yet. But there were lots of suspicions. When I didn't finish my champagne that first night. My first ride down the mountain, I took a horrible tumble. I knocked the wind out of myself, my ribs were all mangled, and immediately I'm crying. And fearing that the worst has happened, the stretcher then takes me down the rest of the way down the mountain.

And while I didn't snowboard the rest of the trip, I still had a really great time. Other than my ribs feeling really bruised, not cracked, but like they weren't in the right position is how it felt. Honestly, it was I was really lucky that I was only in, you know, some mild pain considering that the tumble was like, it was quite intense.

So when I got home, my osteo helps me with my ribs. My doctor gives me the requisition for the blood work for my pregnancy and things are starting to move forward.

A few more days go by and some light spotting on a Wednesday morning turns into heavy bleeding and terrible stomach pain on Thursday midday. There's no baby anymore. I just know it. I left work early that day and I ugly cried the entire drive home. I felt my heart shatter into a million little pieces that day.

The pain, the bleeding, it continued and I noticed more symptoms. So my Google search told me to go to the emergency room. It was there that I received my first ultrasound for that particular pregnancy. And it was the ultrasound that was telling me that there was no baby. They couldn't see a baby. The ER doctor sent me home with my blood test to show my doctor.

And we were going to compare that blood work that I had done a few days before. So, we were looking for the pregnancy hormones. If they were going up or down. Down meant I had a miscarriage and my body would just know what to do next. If the hormones, however, were going up, I needed to go back to the ER right away.

Optimists would call this the best worst case scenario because the hormones were going down. I bled for about two weeks. I cried every single day. I was scared. I felt broken. I felt isolated. And I realized that I was a lot more ready for. that baby and excited for it than I thought that I was when we originally found out we were pregnant.

A little over a month later, I got my period back, and I felt desperate to try again for another baby, although most medical professionals would advise against this so soon after miscarriage. I was disappointed when I got my period again the next month, and since the miscarriage, I was doing just about everything that I could think of to help me heal my heart.

I was journaling, I got an aura reading, resting, walking, crying, meditating, I even wrote a poem. It was I called it Fifty Shades of Red, a love story. All of those things helped, all of those things helped me heal, but my body, my mind, and my heart needed more time about a month after that, my OURA ring that I wear every day and night was telling me that I might be getting sick and my heart rate and body temperature were increasing.

It was very early. I think I wasn't even due to get my period for like another two days. I took the pregnancy test anyways, and it was a very faint positive. But to be honest, I didn't need the test to know that I was pregnant again. I could just tell. I was so happy and also really scared at the same time.

Pregnancy After Loss: The First Trimester

It was such a strange time because when you get pregnant again after a loss, You're cautiously optimistic. You are fearful that you are going to get too excited because you know how hard it hurts to lose a baby already. I wanted to tell everybody I wanted to tell everyone the news, but I was also worried that I'd have another miscarriage and be heartbroken all over again.

I remember thinking that I wouldn't wish that heartache on my worst enemy. The first trimester was an emotional rollercoaster. I am not a crier and I was getting overwhelmed by everything, TV shows this little bird that was building a nest outside our house. And if you know me, you know that I'm not a fan of birds.

So when I was crying because this little bird lost one of its eggs. One of its eggs came out out of the nest. I was beside myself. It was very emotional. People were also very suspicious. Like, why is this girl crying about birds? She does not like birds. I have a soul. Yeah, everything, videos on Instagram, you name it.

I was also very nauseous, I lost my appetite for just about everything.

Pretty early on, I was repulsed by coffee, cigarette smoke, and the smell of garbage. I couldn't stand it. We did tell a few people about the news of the baby, but I kept things pretty quiet online, which I didn't expect. At the time, I felt that the pregnancy was really sacred and really personal, and I wanted it to be something that Craig and I could enjoy in our little love bubble.

I'm really glad that I made that decision and followed that instinct because if there's one thing about people knowing that you're pregnant, it's the unsolicited advice that everyone seems to have for you. But some of it is good advice. It's one of those things where now, if someone asks me, I will answer, but I am not gonna just throw my thoughts and my own experiences at somebody.

Climbing Mountains: The Second Trimester

By the second trimester in that pregnancy, I was starting to get my energy back and my appetite back. I even had one or two coffees in the second trimester. We traveled to B. C. to tell my sister about the pregnancy and

We traveled to BC where my sister lives and I got to tell her in person about the pregnancy, which was so awesome because she was very surprised and excited for us. And on the same trip, Craig and I climbed this big mountain called the chief. And I was pleasantly surprised that I actually made it to the peak and back at, I think I was 12 or 13 weeks pregnant at the time.

So I think it was like, Moving into the second trimester at that time, the third trimester wasn't too bad. I feel like there were a lot of highs and a lot of lows because I continued to grow and I started telling more people about the news and then the heartburn kicked in and I definitely struggled with that.

Heartburn Sucks: The Third Trimester

It sucked. I actually forgot about the heartburn for a few weeks after giving birth and then someone asked me about heartburn. I was like, Oh my God, I had that. It was horrible. But you do kind of forget it. There's other things that you have to deal with after. Yeah, heartburn was very uncomfortable by the end.

I just was, in general, very uncomfortable by the end. The baby grew and kicked my ribs and I was finding it a lot harder to sleep. His head was pushing on my left hip, causing me some back pain. While I had a pretty healthy pregnancy, I still felt nervous and pressured by the people around me to do certain things that I wasn't necessarily comfortable with.

Things like extra ultrasounds and the gestational diabetes test. Looking back, I wish I had more confidence to use my autonomy. The glucose test was pretty much the beginning of that or one of the smaller points of that. But if you didn't already know, there is a recommended glucose test that is taken between week 24 and 28.

The test is you drink a bottle of syrup water and the nurse takes your blood an hour later to measure your response. To the sugar and how you digest that sugar, how quickly you digest it. I tried to avoid this test and I eventually caved into my midwives. The morning of the test, I woke up from this dream about my baby.

I like to think of myself as someone who is practical and spiritual. Well, this is my woo coming out. I had a dream that I was in the nursery of our new home and Craig came home with our baby boy. He brought him in, in this car seat and he was the absolute most adorable little baby you had ever seen. He had these bright blue eyes and he was smiling and so happy.

And in the dream, I was thrilled obviously to be meeting our little baby boy and also feeling very confused about how he got there into our home because in the dream I didn't give birth. He just appeared. At the same time, I took that dream as a sign that my baby was a very healthy and happy. And I also recognize that giving birth and going through labor was something that I was really looking forward to in the whole pregnancy experience.

Now, Craig has hazel eyes and I have brown eyes. So. When I saw this, these mesmerizing blue eyes of this little baby in the dream, it sort of threw me off a bit. And I actually thought I was seeing the appearance of this baby because one of my friends who gave birth like six months before me, her baby kind of looked like the baby in my dream, like the blue eyes and everything.

So, this threw me off and I kind of ignored my intuition in the pregnancy again. I fell into fear, even though my little baby came to me in my dream to tell me he was happy and healthy, I still went ahead with the glucose test. Unfortunately for me, I borderline failed the test and the midwives made me.

I'm going to do air quotes, they made me retake the test. They encouraged me greatly. was again, drinking an even worse syrup water because the second test is different. Then I had to wait multiple hours with multiple blood tests instead of just the one. hour and the one blood test. Came home from the clinic and I threw up immediately.

I also passed the test. Thank goodness. Cause I was not interested in having gestational diabetes, even though if I did. Have gestational diabetes, they would have told me to do certain things for my lifestyle and my eating habits, which I was already eating and exercising in the way that they would have told me to, which is very annoying.

And I know there are people listening who are probably thinking, well, yeah, but there's so much more, there's more monitoring and then you need to do this. And I can't anyway, the point is. You do not have to do anything you do not want to do during your pregnancy, including all of the tests. I know this is a controversial topic and it's okay if you have a different opinion than me, I am not saying this to argue.

I'm saying this because women need to know. They need to know that you can say yes, and you can say no, you are not a bad mother if you say no, you are also not a bad mother if you say yes. To those tests, as the pregnancy continued, I became more uncomfortable. Our baby boy was due January 4th and I was ready for him.

Nesting

Weeks before that I prepared soups, stews, snacks, had them all in the freezer. I set up the nursery, the diapers, the postpartum healing products. Everything was ready. When we went past the arbitrary. Date, they call it due date. Did you know that only 5 percent of babies are actually born on their due date?

And that 81 percent of first babies arrive after their due date. Well, our baby was one of the 81%. I guess he was cozy in my uterus because he did not want to come out. Midwives did more tests on me, everything was fine and yet they were encouraging again on induction and induction is when a medical team uses interventions to induce or we'll call it provoke the body into labor. Guess what? Inductions also do induction stress the mother and the baby. And guess what a stressed out mother and or baby in labor means.

It means things aren't going well, and guess what happens when things aren't going well in labor? More medical intervention, more stress. I didn't want to be induced, but I was scared, I was uncomfortable, I was afraid of people thinking that I was a bad mom, and I didn't even have my baby earth side yet, and I was afraid of these things. You don't get a medal for having an unmedicated birth, people would tell me. I feel like I heard it all from both sides. The modern medical world shouts one thing, the holistic community shouts another. In the end, everyone is shouting and it makes it more difficult for the mother to listen to her own intuition.

The Induction

I fell into fear again, I booked the induction date. Was 41 weeks and five days into my pregnancy, barely slept the night before the induction. We arrived at the hospital and my midwives were not there. What the actual fork, a different midwife from another team was there since our midwife had been up all night with another birth.

She had to sleep before she could come in to see us. I understand the rules. I understand why this boundary or this policy is in place. I get that. So the new midwife said, I read your file, but tell me about you since I'm just meeting you now for the first time. I looked her straight in the eyes and I said, “Well, my goal is to have a vaginal unmedicated birth.

I want the least medical intervention and I don't want to be induced. “ Right then and there, she closed this big folder in front of her, this big binder, I guess it had my information in it. She closed this big binder in front of her and said,” okay, do you know that you do not have to do this today?" You do not have to go through with this induction.”

It was the first time in my whole pregnancy that I felt seen or heard by someone in this medical space. Without judgment, because there were times where I felt seen and heard, but judged. Anyway, it was the first time, and even though it was exactly what I needed to hear, it was too late. Fear had already won.

I had already decided that I was going to try the most low intervention induction possible. Within a few minutes, the OB GYN was administering a gel that was meant to ripen my cervix and, encourage contractions or start contractions. They inject this gel and you are monitored at the hospital for about an hour.

If all looks good, you go home and then you come back to the hospital six hours later to see where the cervix has progressed. But if after 60 minutes, the monitor shows signs of stress, nobody's going home. The gel stressed our baby. His heart rate wasn't coming back up fast enough during the bigger contractions.

I was barely in labor. Yes, I had contractions that were bigger than Braxton Hicks. They were the pre labor contractions. My cervix? Not ripe. Before the midwives told me what was happening, I felt the energy in the room change. Different people were coming in and out, people I didn't know, people that were not part of my birth plan.

The midwife looked at me in the eyes, you And shared her concerns. She said that she would need to consult with the OB, but at this time, the baby was too stressed and he needed to come out right away. The only way to do this was via cesarean.

My Worst Nightmare Came True

My heart shattered into a million pieces all over again. This was the exact opposite of the birth that I prepared for. All the meditations. Hypnobirth, recordings, exercises, stretches, all the books I read, all the concoctions I drank to naturally induce or ripen my cervix, all the dates that I ate, I did so much to prepare for this, and I blamed myself immediately.

It was all my fault that I agreed to this induction.

The OB came in right away and said, Valerie, you are going to have a c section. I burst into tears. She asked me if I needed a minute and I nodded and I sobbed. Yes, everyone but Craig cleared the room. I was devastated I could barely speak. I was crying so hard I'm actually not sure how long we were in the room for how long we were alone there But I'm not sure if more or less time would have mattered much what I do know was that the fact that they allowed us to have a minute or two made me realize that The baby wasn't in enough distress for them to say, no, you can't, there's no time, there's no time to be had.

We have to do this now. So, I don't see it as an emergency C section, but an unplanned C section instead, and unwanted. Once we officially agreed to the C section, everything moved very quickly. More people entered the room than before there were documents that needed to be filled out and signed I had to consent to a bunch of things Of course it's now that I choose to ask all the questions and refuse this or that and at one point it was just the Midwife and I in the room and she was helping me into my gown for surgery.

I couldn't stop crying or shaking. I just Can barely remember what things looked like. I was crying so hard. It was such a strange experience because part of me remembers these little details. And I also don't remember a lot of it. And then there were times where I felt like I was completely out of my body watching the whole scenario play out.

To describe the feeling of your abdomen getting cut open and stretched by hand in layers is beyond my vocabulary. I had no control in what was happening. And when I tell you that I could feel the cuts, the pulls, the manipulation of my organs, that I could feel them take the baby out of my body. The feeling of them sewing each layer in my body, thrashing with each pull of the stitches.

I'm not sure if I'll ever forget it.

Our baby boy was born screaming, which is a good sign. He was healthy and he pretty much stopped crying when they put him on my chest. I tried to stop my own sad tears when the midwife was taking pictures.

When I look back on those photos, I feel my heart break slowly. There's a deep pain in my eyes in the photos.

No one said anything about it, but everyone in the room knew that I was heartbroken, and that I did not want that C section. And it makes me wonder how many times that happens. Emergency C sections, unplanned C sections, they're all really scary, but how many of those women don't want that for themselves or their babies?

I wonder.

Postpartum, Post-Opp

Tried to focus on our little baby boy. He was so cute, there is so much that happens to your body within the hours. And days of giving birth and even more when you throw in major abdominal surgery into that mix, the hormone dump, the newborn baby, the sleepless nights, the pain, the blood, the thirst, and the hunger, the emotional processing of what has just happened.

And everyone wants to see you and your baby, but you can barely walk and you're in pain in every single way, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual. Because of the c section, it is advised to stay at the hospital for 48 hours. We weren't prepared to stay that long because we were not expecting to have a c section.

The nurses actually scolded us for not being more prepared. I had one nurse tell me that it was time for mommy to stop crying now because it was time to bond with baby. I just stared at her. All I could think of was, let's see you have unwanted and unplanned major abdominal surgery and not cry afterwards.

What the heck? Who says that? That is so insensitive.

Our first night in our own home, Was a total blur. No one slept. It took us the entire sleepless night to realize that maybe the baby was too cold. So we put another layer on him for sleep. The next night I went to bed early. My sister came over to help us out and she and Craig and the baby were all together while I slept. When the baby was hungry, Craig came to wake me up. It was around 10 p. m. I said, let me pee before I feed him and Craig asked if I wanted help going to the bathroom, which even though I didn't really need the help, I took it.

Complications

I started to pull my pants down and I gasped and burst into tears at the sight of bright red blood all over my incision, my underwear, my sweat pants. I told Craig to take a picture and text some advice right away. Her reply said, go to the ER. We had barely unpacked our hospital bags, so we grabbed those and we went back to the hospital.

We were in the ER for 11 hours before they sent us home. It was another night that no one slept. My milk had come in and it was just pouring out of me. I went through three gowns. At the hospital, you could wring out the milk that was in my sweater.

At one point, I stood up and I said, Let's just go home. The nurse that saw me ran up to me. She knew I was upset. And I said to her, “Well, I haven't bled out by now, so I might as well just go home.” The ER doctor finally came to see me. She said that she consulted with the OB on call and that the blood was likely from a hematoma and needed to leave the body So it did that through my incision.

The blood tests that they had done showed that my human Hemoglobin levels were normal for someone who had just had major abdominal surgery a few days before Cool, I'm being sarcastic. I'm rolling my eyes.

Healing from Heartbreak

Pregnancy, the birth experience and motherhood are such vastly different experiences for every woman. What I've learned after my own experience and listening to the stories of other women who have been so generous to share their stories with me is that women are powerful beings. No matter what your own experience, you come out the other side as the most raw, real vulnerable and strong version of yourself that you've ever met.

No matter how broken or defeated you feel, there is a strength that builds from this deep unconditional love for your child. And my best advice for any new or seasoned mother. Is that you take that deep, unconditional love that you have for your child or your children, and you give some of that to yourself too this whole experience I've had so far has changed me in many ways.

And I'm excited to say that one of the things that has inspired this new direction for the podcast is this experience. This new season of my life has inspired this new season of the podcast. And this is season two, a dedication to supporting and empowering mindful mothers in their pursuit to love their families and themselves.

I'm on a journey to being the best version of myself as a woman, a mother, a friend, a partner, a business owner. Part of my journey is dedicating time to healing physically as well as mentally and emotionally. And understanding women's health and hormones on this deeper level and empowering women to trust their intuition, no matter what noise is around them, no matter what fear presents itself to them.

New Season

I'm excited to share that we're welcoming new experts in women's health to the show for the season with a focus on the small steps and changes we can make today to support us as women leaders with all the goodness that we have coming.

I recommend subscribing to the empowered email list. I'll send you behind the scenes access to the show, discount codes, bonus content, and some personal life updates. You can use the show notes to find the link or head over to valerielavignelife.com/subscribe to get on that list. Thank you so much again for holding space for me to share my birth story.

Again, if you haven't already done this, I invite you to share your story, whether that be publicly, privately, in a way that it's in your own words and If you need to cry, cry, remember, it's just the two of us. Our babies are on our laps. We're holding space for one another to share our stories. Thank you for allowing me to go first in sharing mine.

I'm excited for this adventure with you to go on this journey with you. Of healing, of growth, of self love.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E265: Best of 2023 / Holiday Party!

In typical Aquarius fashion, I GHOSTED YA’LL on the podcast, and while I needed to step away from the show abruptly, I’m sorry it was without warning.

Recently I felt excited and inspired to record one last show for the year, our traditional holiday party! 

Before we dive in, I would like to say that I do plan on bringing the podcast back to life. Details are to be determined.

In the meantime, I would LOVE to hear from you. Email me with your podcast requests/ thoughts/ or just to say hi! My email is hello@valerielavignelife.com

You can tell me all the things you’d love to see/hear with the show when we come back!

---

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I have missed you terribly. It feels so strange coming back to record this last episode of the year, and also so naturally to be back in front of the mic. I know that this won’t be the last episode of the podcast, but I’m still not sure what the new… we’ll call it season of the show will be.

If you’re new around here, you’ve got hundreds of episodes to catch up on and they are all available to stream on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever else you’re currently listening - PLUS we have a handful of episodes available to watch on YouTube – Including this episode! www.youtube.com/@vallavignelife 

Today’s episode is a little different. It’s our Holiday Party, and I’ve hosted one every year since 2019. It felt important for me to record this final episode of the year for you.

Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 213: 2022

Episode 160: 2021

Episode 109: 2020 

Episode 59: 2019

We always start this show with a TOAST! So raise your glass with me. Usually I have something more festive to drink, but today I have red raspberry leaf tea to help me prep for labour, which I could really go into any day now. Hahah I’m just shy of 38 weeks pregnant.

Okay, a toast: To a year of ups, downs, and new beginnings. To a community of women on a mission inspired to empower each other through their own brave adventures. May 2024 bring us richness, great love, and unwavering courage!

In this episode we reflect on the year we’ve had together. The podcast was the first place I announced my pregnancy online and I was so nervous, and also relieved to be able to share the news. I actually kept pretty quiet about being pregnant, and it wasn’t until my third trimester that I really started sharing my experience in more depth. I mostly do this through instagram. I started a NESTING series if you want to check it out you can find me @vallavignelife 

Between announcing my pregnancy and now, we were experiencing exponential growth in our pilates studio, which is my other business. We had what everyone would call “good problems” lots of new members, 80%+ capacity every week consistently. But with this growth and my lessening energy – and also knowing that I wouldn’t be teaching in the near future – we had to act fast. We began to update our systems, AND we rebranded and rebuilt our Pilates Teacher Training Program. It sold out within a couple weeks and I was in charge of this project, including delivering the teacher training. 

For me, this meant hours upon hours of work, on top of teaching and the regular operations of the studio. Any chance I had for free time, I was working on the manuals and training. It was my first training running it solo and there were some fears and insecurities for sure, but now that the teaching part is over, I feel super proud of what we’ve accomplished and very excited for next year’s TWO training sessions that we’ve launched. 

Because of this quick change in workload I had to make a lot of tough decisions. One of those decisions was to pause my coaching business. And then also the podcast. For those of you who don’t already know, this podcast is a one-woman show. I produce this whole thing start to finish. It’s a lot of work! 

Recently a friend and fellow podcaster shared a post with me from another show that says “it takes six team members 26-32 hours to make one episode” @whatshouldireadnext HOLY SMOKES! Now I’m not sure what their entire process is, but what I do know is that doing it alone is a lot of work. This year I hired a VA to help me with starting new brand partnerships – but unfortunately it was so soon after hiring her that I made the decision to pause the podcast. I cried. A lot. 

BUT we still have lots to celebrate this year! Last year something new we added to the show were the  “Book Report” style episodes. This year I continued the tradition and we had three of these episodes in total. 

They were:

E221: High Performance Habits

E235: Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything

E251: Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts & Habits

This year’s new addition to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast were the YouTube videos for each podcast episode. Believe it or not, we used to publish the videos on YouTube but I had no clue what I was doing back then and while I’m truly dabbling into YouTube now, I’m excited that we have this new medium to consume the podcast. SO FUN!

Let’s start our Top 5 Episodes of 2023 shall we!!??

#5: E223: Gain Clarity & Empower Your Career with Emilia Stypulkowska

Our guest Emilia is a career coach and founder of Sunny Side Up Coaching. She helps people define their vision for their career, articulate their impact, and land their dream job!

In this episode we chat about some of the incredible tools Emilia uses to help her clients. One of the methods was something I was able to experience in a workshop of hers that I attended and we were able to dive into that with her in this episode. She calls this the Career Clarity Exercise. It’s great for anyone who is feeling stuck in their job, looking for a shift, or who are seeking clarity in what they want to do next for their career.

Emilia also helps us work through the excitement and fears that come up with making changes in our work, using tools for mindset and negotiation.

This episode is definitely worth re-listening! AND later this year, after this episode aired, Emilia wrote a book! I’ll link to the book in the show notes of this episode as well as the caption of this video for you. Female Friendship Guide

Emilia was one of the MANY GUESTS we’ve had on the show this year. We had 12 incredible guests on the show, and I even have some more episodes recorded with some epic guests that I’m still hoping to air in the near future.

Let’s continue our countdown!

#4: E222: 7 Things to Do for a Smooth Month Ahead

I’m so happy this episode made it into the top 5 because I love it so much! And not only is it perfect for the start of a new month, but also for the start of a new year! Now that I’m thinking about it, perhaps I will use this to plan my 2024 – loosely of course because I’m having my first baby and I know there will be a lot of changes hahaha 

Okay so in this episode, I go through seven things you can do to support you going into a new month. I share a bunch of different suggestions and techniques to help you review the past month, and for setting goals for the new month. 

While the list is more focused on business, there are also fun/personal parts to the practice as well, like scheduling in self care appointments, organizing a girl’s brunch or adding in a date night. 

For my witchy gals, we also have some manifesting tools available in this episode, and even if you’re not super witchy, you’ll love the practical twist on a spiritual practice!

You can re-listen to this episode or rewatch it! I’ll link to it in the show notes for you.

We’ve had such an incredible year on the podcast, and it really does go to show you that you don’t need new content every week to make an impact – although I highly recommend consistency in your content for greater growth and impact. 

I know that this podcast can be a labour of love, but when I look back at the statistics, the reviews, the emails and DMs I get. It makes it so much more worthwhile knowing that I have helped, or supported, or empowered these amazing humans. 

This year on Spotify, we were the TOP Podcast for 116 fans! If you are one of those fans, THANK YOU so much for listening and loving the show. 

And there are 588 of you who love the Women’s Empowerment Podcast enough for us to be in your Top 5 Podcasts! 

And… love that Spotify hypes the show haha we were in the Top 10 Podcasts for 926 fans! WOW! WOW! WOW! Thank you so very much, this is a HUGE accomplishment for the show. 

I know I’ve said this before, but producing a podcast solo can feel really lonely at times and you often wonder, is anyone listening? Does anyone care? So the statistics really help keep the show alive because I can see that YES! You are listening and YES! You want more!

The other thing that really helps the show are your honest reviews. Oh my goodness, thank you so much to all of you who have written reviews for the show. I wanted to share one from JeskaStar that says:

“Here for the Empowerment!

I’ve added this podcast to my weekly rotation. So many great guests and helpful suggestions that are easily actionable to get progress and results right away. Val is a gorgeous soul and has such a calming voice… it’s an easy listen!
”

— JeskaStar

THANK YOU SO MUCH! This means so much to me, truly. 

If you haven’t left a review yet on Apple Podcasts, please do so, I love reading them.

Our third most popular episode of the year was…

show notes continue here also

[00:00] TIME CAPSULE 21 QUESTIONS!

One of the traditions of this show is really similar. It’s our 21 questions! The questions are pretty much the same every year, but the answers are always evolving.

I’ll share all the questions with you because I’d love for you to do them every year too. Once you answer them, look back on last year’s answers and you can reminisce on where you were at, or celebrate how far you’ve come. It’s pretty fun to see the growth and transformation in your life with these questions.

What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

What's the first thing on your to do list?

What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

What song are you loving right now?

What's your favourite essential oil?

When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, four years later?

What's the best advice you received this year?

What's the biggest lesson you learned? 

Where do you get your show and business ideas from?

When is the best time for your creative process?

Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring? 

Tell us about your current routines… 

What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage? 

What was the last thing that made you cry? 

What do you want to be remembered for? 

What's the best gift you've given that doesn't cost money?

What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

Favourite quote + why?

Biggest highlight of 2022?

What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

keep the show notes going here

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E252: How to Use Journaling, Meditation, and Mindfulness to Feel Empowered with Katie Woodruff

Katie Woodruff is a transformational coach, host of the podcast Abundantly Aware and Journaling Tour Guide. She aims to create awareness around the benefits of journaling, meditation and mindfulness for entrepreneurs everywhere so that they can create the life that's wholy their own…

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. To thank you so much for joining us today. I'm excited to welcome Katie to the podcast. Katie, thank you so much for being here.

Katie Woodruff: Thank you so much for having me. 

VL: I'm stoked that you're here because we are actually doing a bit of a podcast swap, so it's really fun to talk to other podcast hosts because you know, you kind of get it.

KW: Oh Yeah.

VL: we can jump, jump into things. You got the good mic, like we're just ready to rock and roll. Also matching mics. I, yeah, I was gonna say also, thank you for telling me that I was using my mic wrong for the last four years. I have switched it over. Am I doing it right? 

KW: Yes, Yes.

VL: Okay, perfect. I like to hear it. Amazing. So why don't we just kick things off with telling us a little bit about your background and how you became a transformational coach and podcast host.

[01:12] Get to Know Katie

KW: Alright,  we can start from May of 2021. I was extremely stressed out to the point where I created this, it manifested into a health concern.

I developed a migraine and that migraine lasted it was like, It wasn't like your typical migraine. I get the orbs and I also got a full half body numbness, like the whole left side of my body was numb from the middle of my face to the tip of my toes. And it would happen like every few hours for a few minutes at a time.

And based on that, I was told it's your stress manifesting as a migraine and you need to just de-stress. That is when I found journaling. I started with, if your listeners have heard of, I'm sure they have maybe in passing the artist's way. And I started with that book and it was just a complete overhaul of how I was.

BOOK: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Reacting to things my stress levels, what I was bringing into my life. And I started journaling and, you know, my migraines happened for a month and then they stopped and I haven't had a migraine since then. So for the last two years I haven't had a migraine. May 24th of this year will be two years straight that I have journaled for.

So I guess you could say that is where it all started. That is where I decided that I needed to tell people about this amazing thing called journaling and that it doesn't have to be like in the artist's way. She speaks about Your morning pages, like three consecutive morning pages, and I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be three pages.

Not everybody has time for that. And so that's really what I bring to the table as a transformational coach. And podcasting fell into my lap and I love podcasting. I think that spreading your voice is very important, and my podcast is called Abundantly Aware, and the basis of that is, You know, I think that we all need to become aware and awareness is the first step to making change and making transformation.

And so I became aware of my stress through my migraine. Yes, that sucks. But I became aware of my stress and thus developed my journaling practice. And I just think that there are so many other things that people could be aware about to create a life that's holy and completely theirs. So that is me, and that's what I'm about.

VL: Oh my goodness. I love that story and I think there are so many really important key points that I, I wanna highlight one of them being that you. Took to this really holistic approach to your wellness, because I think a lot of people just live with the migraine. They, oh, I have migraines, and they identify as that, and then that's just part of who they are.

But you didn't, and I really want to applaud you for that because that's brave and that's very confident of you to to, you know, take your own health into your own hands. And I, I really admire that in people. The other thing that you mentioned was that, you know, even though. You were having migraines and you were journaling.

It was all to do with stress. And so as I mentioned, you take this kind of holistic approach to your health and you take it into your own hands and you find this really incredible tool and you make it a habit, which obviously you know, I'm all about. Absolutely. So yeah, so that just, I mean, I love all of it.

I love how you. How, I mean, I'm sorry that you had to go through the migraines, but how incredible is it to say that you don't experience that and you haven't experienced that since? Two years ago. Amazing. That's so amazing. Yeah. I, I actually don't know if I've talked about that book before, so I am gonna look it up and I'm gonna link it into the show notes.

I'll also link your podcast there too. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know, we gotta, sharing is caring. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. A couple questions come up for me. So obviously the show's called the Women's Empowerment Podcast, and I know you help women and you help people through meditation and through journaling, through mindfulness and that awareness in these practices.

[05:23] How Journalling, Meditation, and Mindfulness Empowers Women

So how do you feel that, how do you feel these practices, journaling, meditation, mindfulness, how do they empower women? 

KW:  Hmm, that's a good question. I think that they. Ultimately empower you to discover a different way of living and to discover a way of living that works for you. Because I feel like society and others around us kind of put us into a box and tell us what we need to do.

And I'm not about that. And I think that you can, you know, witness yourself on the pages of. Your journal and really truly dig deep into who you are, how you wanna show up, what kind of life you want to live. And I think that in and of itself empowers women to have the life that they want instead of one that someone else has created for them, be it their family members or society, or even a spouse.

Hmm. 

VL: Oh, I love that answer because truthfully, I am not big with journaling. I do see the power in it. Okay. I do see the appeal for sure. I mean, like, I'm gonna show you right now, I have a journal right here on my desk. I have a five minute journal right here. Okay. You can see it. I love mys and yeah. You know, and I, I did start journaling and using that journal, and I like the idea of the prompts.

But it's not sticking for me. So I'm noticing that like I kind of fall in and out of journaling practices and I try all these different modalities, the five minute journal, the morning pages, it doesn't always work for me. And I, I like that what you said earlier was, The book encourages you to do the three consecutive pages, but not everybody has time for that.

[07:05] Tips for Incorporating Journaling as a Healthy Habit

So I'm wondering if you have any tips you can share about how to incorporate this type of healthy habit, whether it's the journaling or the meditation and mindfulness, you know, the practices that you like to teach. How can we add these into our daily routine and some of the, you know, obstacles or.

Limiting beliefs, we'll call them. I'm thinking of our, we're too busy, we don't like journaling. What are some ways we can start to incorporate these incredible practices? 'cause they really are, 

KW: Hmm, okay. So what I first do is I, like, I set sort of boundaries around it. So one of my boundaries is like I take away the pressure.

So I completely release the pressure of having to journal for a certain amount of time or having to journal a certain amount of pages. So because that pressure is alleviated off of me, if. One day a week, I actually go into an office. So I don't have as much time to journal. And if I had kept that pressure on myself to have to journal, have to make this massive transformation throughout my journaling practice, I don't think I would journal on those days.

So because I alleviate that stress and that pressure I just journal for like a half a page usually, or a paragraph, and I'm just like, I'm not looking forward to this, but it is what it is. You know, there's, there's an end to this. It's okay, I'm going to enjoy my book on the bus and I'm going to be able to just watch as the cars drive by me as we're driving down the road.

And I just get to sort of meditate in that moment without any. That's usually what I do in, in, on the bus is either I do journal if I don't have time beforehand or I read a book. And it's been really helpful and really nice to acknowledge that. So there's even more to even just setting your first boundary.

There's so releasing the pressure. Making it a habit. I have it stack. So I think you've probably spoken to your listeners about atomic habits. So I have it stack. So what I stack, how I stack my journaling is I always have breakfast 'cause I'm just a breakfast person. So ultimately I'm always gonna have breakfast.

So I stack my journaling on top of my breakfast. So I always journal with. My breakfast beside me. So it just sort of, I don't even have to think about the journaling aspect 'cause I'm already eating and writing and it's sort of makes it easy. And I think that's another part of it, is making it as simple as possible.

And I, journaling doesn't make sense in your mornings. I'm actually finding recently that I'm gravitating more to my journal in the evenings all of a sudden, I dunno. And I'm journaling like four pages before I go to bed. And like you also have to, that goes hand in hand with something else is listening to yourself and when it feels right, and if journaling doesn't feel right to you, find something else where you can release.

Where you can work through it. I also like to talk to myself out loud, so recording yourself on voice notes. If you wanna keep the information, if you just wanna like brain dump essentially out into the universe, give it up to someone else, speak it out loud before you go to bed, or, you know, speak it out loud in, in the corner where nobody can see you and just be like, I don't, you know to work through it.

So there are different ways that you can use the process of journaling to work for you. 

VL: Yeah, those are great tips. I especially love the first one about setting boundaries because it's so true. We think that things have to be a certain way, but if we, and I mean maybe it's not even a boundary, but it's permission.

It's permission to do it your way. Then having that boundary for, obviously you're, for yourself. Yeah, habit stacking is huge. I mean, you're, you already have a routine in place, so you might as well just add into it or add onto it. I love that. And I think for me, like, I'm gonna use myself as an example 'cause of course I'm here with you, but for me, I find like I.

I struggle with the free writing versus if I have a prompt mm-hmm. That I can sit with and respond to. So could you possibly share some prompts with us or maybe where we could find the best journal prompts? 

[11:17] Best Resources for Journaling Prompts 

KW: Okay. Many, many areas. So if you like affirmation cards for instance, they are a fantastic way to just pull one and journal on the topic that comes up for you when you pull the card.

You can also do it with tarot if you wish, because each of the cards do symbolize something different. So that's usually what I do as well, because certain cards mean transformation. Certain cards like. The death card, for instance, which is my favorite card. It is a transformation. It's the dying of something else.

So something else can come up and if you do get that card, you can journal on that specific topic. And you can always come back to topics too. So you can always go back to the old pages within your book and go back to the, the topic on death, on the death card that you possibly pull because. Sometimes we don't have time.

Like it comes back to that. You can always come back to the topic. So I like to use cards personally as well, like in the mornings if I don't, if I'm struggling with free writing, 'cause I don't usually journal as much when I am free writing. It's way better when I have a journal prompt. Most of my journal prompts just come from my mind.

But the internet is a fantastic place to look, just like. Ooh. Even keeping a list of journal prompts that you want in your notes app or the equivalent on Android. And just keeping a list of prompts that you can go back to whenever you want. Another way that I find journal prompts is through books, so even fantasy books sometimes.

Something happens to the character and you're like, what if that happened to me? And I don't know, maybe I'm the only one that thinks this way, but I'm like, what if that happened to me? And then, you know, I journal about it. Depending on the, the novel that I'm reading. I don't read as many nonfiction books as I used to.

And that's just what feels good to me. But I am reading a Nonfic nonfiction book at the, at this time and it is coming up with a lot of journal prompts for me, so they are a little bit easier. But yeah, I think those three things, the internet AI is also a great way as well. Now. I found that it comes up with some really great prompts if you have an area that you specifically want to examine.

But if you, if you're not sure what you wanna journal on that day, I think like pulling a card is your best bet. 

[13:31] Pulling an Oracle Card for the Episode

VL: Oof. I love pulling cards. Can I pull a card right now? I'm like, I have cards. Yes. Can I? Okay. Gimme one second. I'm gonna grab that right behind me.

I've never pulled a card on my podcast before. Well, not for like a guest episode. This is exciting. Yay. Okay, let's let's make this, this episode card. It's the deck is called Wisdom of the Oracle, and it's one of my favorites. I used to hate it because it just told me all the things I didn't wanna hear, but were definitely true.

Wisdom of the Oracle cards

All the things I was avoiding. Ah, it sounds about right. Yeah. I actually do have a card practice. You can hear me shoveling. I, I don't do it every day, but I, you know, I do take to the card, so I like this. I like this idea. Okay. I'm shuffling. Oh, something just, I was gonna say, say when, but we got a little card here and I'll share it with you.

It's called, it says a leg up. It's really cute. Has this polar bear baby. Polar bear with its mama. See that? Okay. So what I actually like to do is, even before reading the card, I look at the Oracle card, and I don't know if you do this with your, your affirmation cards, but I just really look at the picture and I kinda take to, how does it make me feel when I look at it?

So maybe I'll share that with you again. Here. Do you, can you see it okay? Yeah. Does anything come to mind? Maybe that's better. 

KW: And it says a leg up. Yeah. Mm.  I think. For me, that sort of brings up like the assistance of others maybe connection with others because the baby is like trying to climb up onto the mama.

I think that's what I would, I would take from it, but 

VL: I like that. So the essential meaning says receiving help, delegating authority, interdependence. So good, right? Mm-hmm. The Oracle's message, you come to a point where you are going. Where, oops. You come to a point where going it alone is no longer optimal for you.

Life has a way of presenting you with the perfect people to align with who can give you a leg up during this next phase of your journey. Help comes to you in all areas of your life. Where you need a boost. The trick is to accept that aid and freely accept that aid so freely given when you embrace interdependence, allowing teamwork and independence to commingle, miracles happen now is such a time.

I love that. So there aren't like, obviously specific questions in this card deck specifically. Right. Even as, you know, as you're talking and as you're giving me these ideas, I'm looking at this card and I'm thinking, okay, what is maybe like two, two or three words that I feel looking at this card, or what are two or three things that come to mind?

So just like what you said, you know, right. Ask like receiving help or getting help, and now it's like, okay, this is a time where that's happening. So, and you know, please Add on to what I'm gonna say here, but mm-hmm. Some questions that come to mind after reading that Oracle's message are. Where in my life am I seeking help?

Where in my life am I not asking for help or not accepting the help and maybe who could help me get a leg up in this area of my life? Those are the ones that come to mind. Do you have any? 

KW: Yeah, definitely. Any, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I, I think I would start with those two or like where in my life do I see help, but I'm not taking the help?

VL: Mm-hmm.

KW: Or. Where am my life? Am I already currently, I think you, I think you led with that question like, where am my life? Am I currently taking help and can I, can I sit in that for a little while and appreciate and be grateful for the help that I already do have? Mm-hmm. Be it from your family members or you know, someone you pay or loved ones.

So yeah, I think I would sit with that and ask myself, where can I be grateful? Appreciate the help that I already have in the midst of the help that I are like, that I do need to seek out. 

VL: Mm-hmm. I love that I think

KW:and how can I, and you can also look at it, . You can also look at it as a full circle and be like, where in the past have I not asked for help, but I needed help?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And how can I parent myself through the fact that I never asked for help, even though I needed help and it made it even harder for me. How can I change that in the future for myself and actually ask for help when I know that I need it? 

VL: Ooh, love that. I feel like you need to have a journal deck, a journal prompt deck or something.

KW: Yeah, I have, I have TBD. I have been thinking about that. 

VL: Okay, good. I like that. We're going to start manifesting that more. Mm-hmm. So we've talked so much about how this has really impacted you and how it can impact, you know, anyone who practices these things, especially with this journaling.

I love this new prompt. I'm excited to, to play with my cards like the, throughout the week. Yay. So my next question is, how do you think these practices help women overcome limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns and. In terms of, you know, the mindset blocks that we're experiencing, are there any strategies for achieving this?

[18:34] Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Negative Thought Patterns

KW: I mean, that's a deep, deep question. I think that if I go back to my own personal experience this journaling practice has specifically helped me a lot with imposter syndrome because there was a point in time where I thought about this. Podcast. I had a podcast before this, but it wasn't really fully like before the one I have right now.

But it wasn't fully, I wasn't fully immersing myself as myself. I wasn't showing up authentically. I didn't feel, and so I had to put that to the wayside because I also even named it based on what I thought other people would like, not based on what made sense, you know, for how I wanted to show up and who I wanted to be and who I wanted this brand and this business to be.

So I took myself through. A lot of journaling prompts to figure out like who I was, how I could show up as myself, what it was that was holding me back and discover that it was imposter syndrome. So I'm trying to think on how people, how women specifically can use this practice to really dig deep. And I think that it takes time and I think that it also like, I think again, first it comes with awareness and you can't really journal on something that you're not aware of.

So it kind of first starts with awareness and to become aware. It starts with being intentional about your life and looking at your life as a whole. And I. Seeing the places that you are blocked with, like your limiting beliefs? I think it does, it does start with, you know, being intentional and becoming aware and journaling about it.

So to use it to journal through limiting beliefs, like you have to be aware about it first. I don't know. I'm trying to think on how you can really, truly. Find a community, I suppose I would say. Yeah, I would say find a community that you relate to actually starting a journaling community. Shortly. It might be live when this is live, so definitely check me out in the end of this when I give you my shtick about where to find me.

But I think that like becoming aware of things. Easier in community. And I think that's also where I discovered that I did have a little bit of perfectionism, which goes along with imposter syndrome and yeah. Yeah. I love that. Say that question again. Say the question again.

VL: Sure. So if you can, we were talking about limiting beliefs and overcoming those limiting beliefs or negative thought patterns because you know, we all have them and we've all been there.

Mm-hmm. So what are some of the strategies or how do you think this practice can help? Overcome these limiting beliefs, and what strategies do you have for achieving that?

KW: So when you become aware of the issue that's coming up, go to your journal instead of letting it just like seep in. Because that's actually what I found helped me the most is when I was in my workday trying to show up, trying to be me, and I was like, oh, I just don't feel, it's just not, I'm not.

Being myself or, or I just don't feel like this is right or nobody's gonna like me. All of those things, there are more. Instead of just being like repeating it in my head, I got it out onto the page. I flicked it out there and I gave it to the pages and I said, you do what you want to do with this. And it was sort of like a breath of fresh air.

I can like breathe in and, ah, And be good with the feeling, giving it off to the journal, giving off to my pages. And it was a way of working through it. And of course, always remembering that the pages are there for you. Yeah. Pages are there for you. Your recording app is there for you. It's all there for you.

VL: I love that. Yeah. It makes me think of, you know, coming into that awareness and how you described it is like, You are not ignoring it. Yes, you're getting curious about it, and you're sitting with it, and you're holding space for it, and then you're able to work through it. Because if we just ignore feelings that come up, good things, bad things, whatever it is, if we're ignoring all that, they're gonna seep in and they're gonna.

Fester and that's not always a good thing, right? Yeah. And then there's that stress building up and then your body then telling you physically, Hey, I'm getting these really bad migraines 'cause ISH is not getting out. It's stuck. It's stuck all up in here. 

Part of what I really love about your story is that you've used journaling to create these new parts of your business in your life. So the podcast, for example, you said that your old podcast was not serving you, it was not authentically you, and so you used journaling to create this new show and. I find that so incredible and a lot of the times, kind of selfishly, I wanna ask this question because I love goal setting and I love helping people with goal setting.

So in terms of using that journal or other mindfulness practices, how can we use this technique to clarify our goals and the vision for our life and generate those goals into, you know, real life form, not just. Because this is why I'm asking this question. 'cause I find a lot of times people will say, write down your goals and they will come true.

And to be honest, I think that's BS. So Yep. How can we bring that vision into reality using journaling or using mindfulness? 

[23:56] Bringing Goals into Reality Using Journaling & Mindfulness 

KW: Hmm. Yeah. I, I concur. I think it's bullshit. I. I don't believe that just writing it down is the key to making it happen. I think that a lot of steps need to be taken, need to take place, and you need to do as well as, you know.

I think for me, I, I like to like meditate, visualize, and meditate. I actually have an episode on visualizing, meditating for the new year and which you can do at any point because essentially spring is a brand new year in the calendar 'cause where we've shed off winter and new things are growing.

So could be technically considered an a second new year, but I like to, so a mindfulness practice I do use is visualizing. And when I get deep down and, and I'm like, nothing is working. Everything sucks. Not where I wanna be. I remind myself and, and visualize if you can, 'cause I know some people can't.

The possibilities for you. And when it comes to goal setting for me, I am as open as I possibly can be to the possibilities for my future. I am a person that lives with anxiety, so sometimes it's a little bit difficult to look so far into the future to set those goals and so, Dreaming and just letting it flow is so much easier for me than being super concrete.

So when I do get to my pages and I'm like trying to set goals, I'm just like, what is the possibility? And go about all the possibilities that could possibly happen, like all the positive possibilities that could possibly happen. Not giving a timeline. I know it get goes against, it, goes against those smart goals.

Is it, it goes against smart goals completely. But forcing myself and pigeonholing myself into a timeframe sometimes creates a little bit more anxiety that doesn't need to happen. So I sort of just let myself dream and explore on the pages, the pos, the, the possibilities of. Anything could happen this year in regards to the certain areas of my life that I wanna focus on.

I, I mean, I do set goals. I do set goals. I'm trying to find a way that really works for me, to be honest. The best way that works for me. I have tried to set goals many times without, without luck or like, I always go towards them. I always work towards them, but they, I don't always, End up the result that I want.

So I turn to my pages and I remind myself that it's okay that you got somewhere. You did work towards it. Maybe you didn't fully fulfill it, but you did work towards it. 

VL: You know, I'm glad that you said that because I see this a lot in my mentorship with, with Healthy Habits. So your tool is journaling. My tool is habits, and sometimes mm-hmm.

The client is journaling and that's part of their habit. And one of the things that really holds people back is this, this, I don't know if it's fear or just stress or. This incompleteness, they feel, so they'll start the habit. They'll be really excited. They'll keep that motivation, you know, they're stacking it into their routine, but then something slips, something falls through the cracks, and they miss a day, and all of a sudden the world comes crashing down because they didn't get it done.

And the reason why I'm thinking of this is because you and I are both on Duolingo, the language learning app, and yeah, I, I love that Duolingo has these streak freezes. If you miss a day, so, I shared with Katie at the beginning, right before we recorded that. I had a really long day yesterday and this morning I thought, oh, I didn't do my French last night.

I did not do that. So I opened the app 'cause I was like, I can't even remember doing French. And sure enough I missed a day. And so I have an over 900 day streak of language learning through this app, which is like, Really amazing. Now, of course, if you look through the app, you'll scroll through the last two years or however many years it's been, and you'll see these little, these little they look like fire, but they're ice.

And it's called a streak freeze on Duolingo. Oh, so if you miss a day Oh yes. Yeah. If you miss a day, it freezes your streak, meaning, Hey, you didn't do this day. But that doesn't mean we're going to, you know, veto this whole. Effort that you've put in, because even though maybe it says 983 days and I've really only done 970 days, it doesn't let you fail for missing a day.

And I feel like that's so powerful in terms of any sort of, whether it's goal you're creating or habit you are. Working on, it's that like consistency doesn't have to mean every single day. And I'm saying it right now and I'm thinking maybe this is what I needed to hear because my ha, my journal habit isn't every single day.

However, you know, I come back to it when I want to. Just like my cards, just like the other practices I'm sure we have. So yeah, I'm glad that you shared honestly that yeah, you know, not all the goals have come to fruition and it reminds me. I have one more thing, which is, I don't know if I'm saying the quote right, but something along the lines of we overestimate what we can do in a year.

We underestimate what we can do in 10 years. Yes. And so I think, yeah, I think a lot of people who are either writing their their goals and in their journal, or they're making a vision board, or they're meditating and holding space for their goals, I think it's really important to remember that. You might have the goal, maybe the timeline is one full year, but it doesn't manifest into our reality until next the following year.

And that's okay. And I, I, I like that you were honest with your goal setting and saying, yeah, you know, I'm still working it out. I'm still journaling through it. So that's fantastic. I think it's, I, again, I just applaud you. You do amazing things. 

KW: Thank you. I actually, I actually have had a masterclass and that's how I like on journaling on the intro to introduction to journaling, and I reminded everybody that it doesn't have to be every single day if that is not how you feel like you can show up to the pages.

You don't have to, just because I say that I've almost journaled every day for two years. I actually did miss one day and that's because I was traveling and I had completely forgot to do it. Now I did like address the pages the next day and journal for like four pages because I missed that one day.

Because I had so much to say because I of missing that day. But it. Reminded me that it's okay. And then I continued journaling every day after that. Like it didn't stop me. And funny you, you go into Duolingo. I haven't used one, I haven't had to use one of those freezes yet, but I'm not at 900 days.

I'm only at 291, but only, as I say, only I am at 291 days, which is of Spanish. I'm learning Spanish. So I love, I love that language. And I think it's so beautiful to be able to go back to it because going back to perfectionism, so many perfectionists have that little habit tracker and they miss a day and then it's all downhill from there and then they shame themselves and create this whole entire thing doesn't exist and hate on themselves for not accomplishing that goal, even though, you know, five out of seven days were complete and that is fantastic and wonderful.

I think that we need to realize that it doesn't have to be perfect in order to do it. Just like journaling. So if you only come to the pages when you really, really need it, like when you're really, really struggling with it, that's perfect. Or you only come to the pages in the seasons of your life where you have more time also.

VL: Perfect. All perfect. I love it. So good. You've shared so much incredible wisdom today. Thank you so much. Before we get into the last round of our show, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really wanna share? 

KW: Hmm. No. No. I think that, I think that it was. I think that what came up needed to come up.

I think that journaling is a very important practice that I hold near and dear to my heart. And I think that everybody should, nope, everybody can give it a try. If they want to give it a try, and I can help you along that journey. Really amazing if you need it.

[32:13] Connect with Katie

VL: Where can people find you, follow you, and be supported by you?

KW: So you can find me over on Instagram and YouTube @AundantlyAwarePodcast. You will, by the time this is up, you will be able to find me on abundantlyaware.com. And that's where you can find always that we can work together in community journaling with our pages and discovering new possibilities for our lives and becoming aware of.

The life that we never knew that we wanted to live. 

[32:46] Rapid Fire Round

VL: Oh, cool.  I'm gonna link to all of this information in the show notes page. So your episode will be available at valerielavignelife.com/Katie and Katie, are you ready for the rapid fire round? 

KW: Alright. Okay, I’m ready.

VL: Question number one, what are you currently reading or what is your favorite book? 

KW: Ooh, I'm currently reading this book. It's actually beside me. Funny enough. 'cause I'm gonna read after this, Radically Content. I'm really excited for it. I'm only like 40 pages in, but it's really good so far.

Radically Content: Being Satisfied in an Endlessly Dissatisfied World by Jamie Varon

So I'm excited about that.

VL: Awesome. I'm gonna link to that in the show notes too. Question two is, what does empowerment mean to you?

KW: Empowerment to me means being available for anything and everything that you wanna do. 

VL: Hmm. What is your longest standing habit?

KW: Journaling

VL: I Knew you were gonna say that, but you know, just in case maybe there's something else. And question, question number four, what are you currently working towards?

KW: Currently I am working towards launching a group journaling program.

So be on the lookout for that.

VL:  Katie, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Thank you for all that you do. I feel inspired to try Medi or try meditating, try journaling, and yeah, I'm really looking forward to seeing what you create and seeing how you continue to serve your audience and your community, and I'm so glad that you're part of this one.

So thank you again for all that you do and for being on the show. Wow. 

KW: Thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. And yeah, I can't wait to hear this episode and I can't wait to hear more from you. And I really appreciate us doing this, you, this podcast swap.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E251: Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits (BOOK REPORT)

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Maybe you’ve wondered more specific questions like:

Why does time pass so quickly?

Why do I hate doing absolutely nothing? 

Or why do I keep putting things off?

In the book “Why Am I Like This?” Author Dr. Jen Martin answers these questions and many more explaining The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits…

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[00:33] My Curiosity, Your Success 

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. Today I bring you another “book report style” episode sharing a very different book than the other ones I’ve shared on the show so far.

You can find a link to the other book report episodes here!

The book Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits is quite different from the other books I’ve shared on the show because this one is a little over 100 pages, colourfully illustrated and only has two chapters which answer some of our strangest questions in only a few pages each. 

It’s one of those books you usually might find in bathrooms (do people still do that), or waiting rooms, somewhere you can read little bits and pieces quickly. 

I was drawn to the book out of curiosity for myself as I have definitely wondered these questions, and I also thought it would be interesting to understand the actual science behind these quirky questions with the possibility of better understanding my clients and students.

As a Healthy Habit Mentor I help women who are making an impact live a life by design, not by default. I do this through the incredible tool of Healthy Habits. Part of being able to support others is understanding topics like behavioural science, neuroscience, and so much more. As a very curious person I am always looking for new ways to learn about why people do the things we do, and how we can make positive changes to live more abundant and meaningful lives. Even if that means reading some of the fluffier books, which I still learned a lot from!

While we don’t have the time to discuss the entire book together, I pulled some of the questions and answers that I thought were most interesting and supportive to my work with people like you!

Understanding the science behind these questions allows me to adjust and customize my one-on-one coaching more for the women who work with me in my Make a Habit Mentorship Program

[02:55] (Part one) Who am I?

For example, one of the questions in part one of the book “Who Am I” is “Why does time pass so quickly?”

Studies have shown that when we’re enjoying a moment, time feels to pass more quickly, whereas when we are exposed to or experiencing a negative moment time feels like it’s passing more slowly.

Author Dr. Jen Martin shares, “Researchers have identified that regardless of age, the more time-pressured we feel, the more likely we perceive the days, weeks, and months as passing too fast. This is closely linked to a perception of not having enough time to do all the things we want to do and is true of people in a variety of Western Cultures.” (p.16)

This really stuck out to me because a trend I have been noticing with the women who reach out to me is this sense of life passing by too quickly and they’re not reaching goals they intended to in early years. Or they haven’t made the time to set any goals and get clarity for where they want to be.

One of the solutions the book recommends to help us slow down life a little more is to “fill [our] time with new experiences. Going to new places and learning new things can very effectively slow down your internal sense of time. Anything that takes you out of your normal routine and introduces you to some novelty to your day.” (p.19)

If you’re a new listener of the show you might be wondering why a Healthy Habit Mentor would encourage people to get out of a routine, but that’s actually a really big part of what I do. One of the reasons why we’re in the position of life we’re in right at this very moment is because of the choices, and habits that we’ve continued to make over a longer period of time. If you want change, you have to change. And it doesn't have to be this wild/dramatic experience, it can be through small changes and experiences. 

In my personal life I recently learned about “Alphabet Dates.” It’s where you go through letters of the alphabet and you go on dates with your partner, or friends and the activities or the places you go have to start with that specific letter of the alphabet. For example the “A” date could be a visit to the Art Gallery or perhaps an Arcade. 

My partner and I moved into our new neighbourhood this summer and we wanted to explore new places so we thought of doing the Alphabet Dates locally to learn more about our new stomping grounds. Truthfully we’ve only done the A date so far, but it was really cool and we had completely new experiences visiting the Art Gallery, an Antique store, and a delicious sandwich spot called Artie’s. I’m not sure if we would have even thought about going to those places, and if we did it would have taken us a lot longer to go there!

What is something new you can try or add into your day? Even if it’s the simplest of actions, like changing the hand you brush your teeth with. Even that simple act of changing hands can rewire your brain to make new patterns and connections. Try it out and let me know how it goes! You can share with me in the comments of this video, or on instagram! Find me @vallavignelife

[06:31] Silence is Golden

Another quirky question I wanted to include today was “Why Does Silence Calm Me?” This is because A LOT of people want to start a meditation or mindfulness ritual. And I absolutely encourage this. There are so many benefits to meditation and mindfulness and western science is finally giving these practices the accolades and attention they deserve. Benefits of meditation and mindfulness include physical benefits like lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, as well as mental benefits like reducing anxiety and depression, and so much more!

Dr. Martin shares that, “Sound vibrates in the bones of our ears, which get converted into electrical signals to our brain. Our bodies respond to these signals, often resulting in the release of stress hormones like cortisol.” 

If I notice you attending our virtual one-on-one coaching call with a lot of high stress, I take that as an opportunity for us to begin our session with a guided meditation led by myself, or perhaps a few deep breaths to centre us into the session together. I will often do this knowing that the coaching call was scheduled after work, meetings, or picking up/dropping off kids at school. It’s an opportunity for us to ground ourselves into the present moment and get the most out of our session together. Giving us more space for the magic!

Just as it’s mentioned in the book, this moment of silence “allows us to connect with ourselves and replenishes our inner reserves.”

[08:12] The Art of Doing Nothing

On the completely opposite side of things, many of us often wonder ”Why Do I Hate Doing Absolutely Nothing?” This has been a conversation I’ve had with a lot of clients and friends as of late. 

In the book Dr. Martin shares different studies of people who were asked to sit in a room for 6-15 minutes and “do nothing.” The outcomes of these studies showed that people generally disliked the experience and some people would rather have a negative experience doing something unpleasant than nothing at all. 

While there isn’t firm evidence to this, and in my opinion the studies weren’t done with exceptionally large groups of people in different areas of the world… There was mention in the book that a theory could be that our brains were made to interact with the world and whether it’s a distraction, an unpleasant experience, or something else we need something to interact with versus just sitting and being with our thoughts.

Since I come from a background in yoga, meditation, breath-work, and mindfulness, I have had many experiences of sitting and doing nothing. Including attending silent meditation retreats. In my own experience I can say that yes, there was a level of difficulty to sit and “do nothing” but with the right methods and practices you can really learn to use your mind and interact with the internal world. Just like the benefits of silence we discussed, there is also a beauty in doing nothing. 

In fact, the Italians have a phrase for this, which is la dolce far niente, and it translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” Some coaches and teachers refer to this as “white space” where they will actually block off time in their schedule to do nothing, and let their minds reset, rest, and explore new ideas. 

In the western world we are highly overstimulated and distracted. It’s of no surprise that the people in the studies had such a hard time doing nothing, because they probably don’t know how.

So how does this show up in my coaching? In two ways. The first is that through our initial meeting or Clarity Call session I will assess if you are overstimulated or not and if you are, I have a variety of tools in the toolkit that we could use to support you slowing down without actually having to do nothing. It’s like a distraction to the other distractions if you will.

And secondly, this is one of the reasons why we don’t focus on breaking a habit as much as we do making a new one. When people approach me to break a habit, I encourage them to replace it with something else. Adding a new habit is a lot easier than removing an old one for many reasons, and one of them is because we’re creating an empty void when removing something. This can be overwhelming and irritating to the person who wants to break the habit. 

[11:20] FOMO is Real

With our highly stimulated lives, and our social media habits, another common question people wonder is “Why Do I Always Feel Like I’m Missing Out?”

I am definitely someone who experiences FOMO or the Fear Of Missing Out. Even the people in my life who haven’t necessarily admitted to experiencing FOMO, I’ve noticed their social media habits have a direct correlation to the FOMO they feel. This is why it’s so important to participate in social media detoxes, or comb through the accounts you follow and remove anyone who doesn’t necessarily serve your goals or hinders your mental/emotional health. 

While social media may be a definite reason to feel FOMO, it’s not a new concept/feeling to experience missing out, but it can make it more frequent/intense. For this reason, it’s important to remember that most of what we see online is the very curated highlight reel. 

My mission for helping women is to educate and empower them to prioritize their own health and wellness, so that they can feel great in their body and show up powerfully for the people depending on them. With busy lives and responsibilities, getting swept up into what everyone else is doing can be a quick and defeating trap. 

One of the best pieces of advice I received very early on in my business, and I share this with clients, even if they don’t have their own businesses, is: never compare the backend of your business with the frontend of someone else's. The same goes for life. Don’t compare your life to the highlight reel someone else has posted on social media. There is A LOT you’re not seeing. 

In my group coaching aka Healthy Habit Membership, as well as in my one-on-one coaching, we build clarity in the life by design that YOU want specifically. Not the arbitrary list of habits or routines that are the “ideal morning routine” - ideal for who?

Just like nature, humans have seasons, and with women we have more specific cycles as well. These cycles and seasons aren’t always conducive to the conventional demands of the world. My work with women takes these cycles into consideration as we build custom routines, rituals, and habits that support your natural rhythms and seasons. 

Understanding your cycles has been a game-changer for many of my clients in the membership as they’ve been able to adjust their habits ever so slightly to support that time in their life. Together, we’re able to create a flow of the habit instead of a regimented or unrealistic practice that isn’t long-lasting. 

[14:11] (Part Two) What Makes Me Tick?

The second part of the book has more to do with specific habits. What surprised me the most was that I ended up making more notes that I wanted to share with you in part one of the book verses part two. I thought I would share more about the habits, but since they are super specific I felt like I would perhaps refer to them when working with someone on this habit versus mention it collectively on the podcast.

That being said, a lot of the habits shared had evidence positively supporting the habit, where you might have thought it was a negative habit. Such as “why can’t I stop drinking coffee?”

I did however choose two of the questions from this chapter that I thought were helpful to the podcast listeners based off of podcast trends as well as my healthy habit clients and our discussions. 

[15:04] Hyped Up Morning Routine

The first question is “Why Do I Keep Pressing Snooze?“ 

Morning routines are one of the most popular topics in the habit industry and communities. Podcast episodes about morning routines are some of our most popular shows. 

Episode 133: Elevating Your Morning Routine

Episode 92: An Action Plan for How to Be a Morning Person

Episode 06: Morning Ritual

In the book, Why Am I Like This? The author describes the science behind the answer to this question having to do with our circadian rhythms. As I mentioned before, humans have seasons and rhythms, and the circadian rhythm is one of those natural cycles. This one is during a 24 hour clock of how our body functions and performs best. 

If you’ve ever seen the Traditional Chinese Medicine Body Clock or TCM Body Clock, it describes a similar 24 hour rhythm to the organs in our physical body. (My favourite body clock image:) 

Depending on who you ask, some people will say your circadian rhythm changes over time, and other people believe it stays the same always. I am of the belief of the former. With the amount of changes our body goes through in life, I think it’s naive to believe that our rhythms aren’t changing at all.

For myself, I used to wake up at 5:30am and now I’m happier and an all around better human when I wake up between 6 and 7am. It’s not a huge difference, but when I do need to wake up around 5:30 am, my body and brain certainly notice it.

The science in the book describes that sleep cycles can be affected by genes as well as other factors, and that there are many proven benefits to waking up earlier, such as: “morning people tend to be more proactive, persistent, and cooperative.” As well as having a decreased risk of heart disease and making healthier eating choices. 

What I’m taking away from this part of the book is that we’re all different and supporting my own hypothesis and research, we all have an ideal wake up time that will also play a role in how we spend our mornings, and also evenings for that matter. 

In our coaching sessions, we’re understanding what works best for YOU, and how we can make small changes and improvements with the resources that we have so that you can be the best version of you each and every day. 

If the best version of you wakes up at 5:00am to workout and meditate, amazing. And if the best version of you wakes up at 7:00am and spends 15 minutes drinking coffee and journaling, also amazing! The point is it’s YOUR ideal morning routine, not someone else’s. 

Aspiring to wake up earlier and take more time in the morning to do the things you love IS POSSIBLE, when you have a solid plan in place. That’s where I come in. To help you build a supportive plan that brings you to where you want to be.

[18:12] Stop Procrastinating on Your Goals

Another trend I’ve noticed through my coaching work is the way we procrastinate a lot of the time. Maybe not for yourself specifically, but a common question people are asking is “Why Do I Keep Putting Things Off?”

I will fully admit that I am someone who can procrastinate. I even wrote a speech on procrastination in grade 5. This bad habit of mine has improved with time and practice, but it does creep up now and again. Reading this section of the book has helped remind me of why it’s important NOT to procrastinate, including stating: “Putting things off can seriously undermine your well-being.” (p.80) With research showing increased stress, and more illness of procrastinators compared to non-procrastinators. 

Diving deep into the layers of the brain, “procrastination is a war between two parts of our brain: the limbic system… and the prefrontal cortex. The limbic system seeks instant gratification while the prefrontal cortex is involved with planning and decision making.” (p.80) The limbic system was developed very early making it one of the oldest parts of our brain, so it tends to run on auto-pilot. Whereas the prefrontal cortex takes more effort to function, making it a lot easier for us to be swayed by instant gratification rather than distant gratification. 

Knowing this about ourselves is incredibly helpful as it allows us to forgive ourselves for procrastinating so much – funnily enough, this forgiveness helps us with procrastinating less!

For my coaching practice, knowing that you tend to procrastinate more, helps me ask more supportive questions and for us to develop an action plan with a greater impact. This starts by bringing awareness to WHAT it is you’ve been procrastinating, and why might that be. Digging deeper into this “why” is very helpful and can tell us a lot about other patterns and habits that might be holding you back from success with your goals. 

I hope this episode gave you permission to get curious and find answers to your weirdest questions. If you’re interested in reading this colourful book, you can buy it here on Amazon.

I want to encourage you to remain curious about yourself and keep learning new things. You will grow and flourish in so many more ways than you could ever imagine! I’d love to support you with your goals, habits, and creating a custom action plan for YOU! Head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/clarity to book your first call with me, and we can get you started with your next steps!

If you’d like to see/listen to more book report style episodes, let me know in the comments or on instagram @vallavignelife which book I should read next!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E250: The Role of Exercises and Entrepreneurship [I Created That Podcast]

Well hello there! I am thrilled to introduce you to Sarah Jansel, fellow Canadian and host of the I Created that Podcast.

Sarah recently had me on her show to discuss the relationship between Exercise and Entrepreneurship. Before we dive into this episode, I want to tell you more about Sarah’s show.

The I Created That Podcast is for those looking to be inspired to start an online business, marketing your business, and learn more about Shopify. Host Sarah Jansel is a former 20 year corporate veteran and executive turned creative entrepreneur. Today she’s the CEO of Jansel & Co where they help clients build, brand and grow awesome shoplift stores.

Sarah and her [podcast] guests are excited to share some exclusive tips about how to start a burins, grow and basins, and feature some super cool entrepreneurs and business partners who can help you do it too!

Big shout out to Sarah and her team who were absolutely fantastic during the production of this episode. I loved working with you Sarah and I am very grateful to have been a guest on the I Created That Podcast…

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[01:15] Introducing the I Created That Podcast 

Sarah Jansel:  Welcome to the, I created that podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Jansel, and today we are talking to Valerie LaVigne. I'm excited to have her here. We were just chatting offline about a couple of things. I'm like, I feel like I need you in my life. We need you in my life. So super excited she's here. Just a little bit about Valerie.

So, Valerie is a health mentor and she helps women who are making an impact to build better habits so that they can increase their energy. Their confidence and just overall get more from life. So welcome to the show, Valerie.

VL:  Thank you so much, Sarah. Thanks so much for having me. I am super excited to be here and I love talking about all things health and wellness and wellbeing, so I'm sure we're gonna have an amazing conversation together.

SJ: Yeah. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that we're having this chat. I feel like we've kind of had like dribs and drabs of like burnout and like a few different topics, but I don't actually think we've really targeted, like specifically this topic. So I was excited to kind of get in and dive in a little bit more on, you know, some of the connection points that I feel like are so prevalent, especially even for me.

So, Yeah. Well maybe we'll kick off and I mean, we met online and I've said a little bit about you, but it's kind of like the Kohl's notes version. So I'll just give you a minute. If you wanna maybe introduce yourself and Yeah, tell us like, how did you actually get into this line of work? 

[02:34] How Valerie Became a Healthy Habit Mentor

VL:  Yeah, I mean, it's obviously a very long story, so I'm gonna give you the elevator version, which is essentially that I have always really been interested in growth mindset and growth in general, just as a person and in my business and all different areas of my life.

And so I'm always looking for ways to improve and to optimize and to gain more energy and all of these things in my life. I mean, I feel like a lot of. The listeners and entrepreneurs just feel that way in general. So we probably have that in common. But what I was recognizing was I was living this really repetitive life.

Every day was the same, and I kept asking myself like, how do I want to feel? And it's not this feeling of stale and stagnation and the same routine and kind of boring every day. And so I made a very. A crazy decision to buy this one-way ticket to Guatemala, where I had no expectation and I had no idea what I was doing, and I was just gonna live every day as a new day, and I was just going to respond to what was in front of me.

And so I took this journey through Central America and Guatemala, and even went to Mexico. And I started discovering the importance of routine, even though I was trying to move away from what I thought was. Structure and discipline and rules, and I wanted to break away from that. And the more that I moved away from it, the more I realized how important it was for me.

But it was important for me in a very different way. And so what I discovered through this. Journey, the solo travel journey that was like really amazing in Epic. And I tell people all the time, you should definitely travel by yourself, even if it's not for seven months like I did. Even if it's just for one weekend, definitely do it 'cause it's amazing.

But what I recognized was that the thing that I was missing in my life was intention. I didn't have an intention of how I wanted to feel. And so what I was doing was I was living this life by default. And now understanding. Yeah, right. Everyone's just like nodding along. Now, understanding that with intention, I can actually create the life of my dreams and I can live a life by design.

And so what I do is I help empower and I educate women to live a life by design, not by default. And I do this through the tools of healthy habits. So before even buying that one way ticket to Guatemala, I was a yoga and Pilates teacher. I dabbled in a lot of different things, but Pilates really does have my heart and I, I actually have a Pilates studio now.

I co-own the studio, a brick and mortar business, which definitely requires structure and routine and discipline as any business really does. And I live a life of, like I said, A life of design, but it's out of more fulfillment and intention and the routines that I've built for myself today, yes, a lot of them look really similar day to day, but they don't make me feel stuck and stagnant, and I don't look at structure as a bad thing.

I look at it as a gift to really help people and to really encourage people to live a life that they were meant for and not a life that they just fell into. And so hopefully that mm-hmm. Was a long enough elevator ride for us to get through. 

[05:50] Creating a Life by Design on YOUR TERMS

SJ: Yeah, no, I mean, I feel like that's so interesting. I mean, first I feel like we could do a whole other episode just on the vacation, on the travel on its own.

So good on you for, for taking that make, making that move. Right. Because I feel like that's huge. I actually know one of our clients is doing that right now. She's been gone for four months, like traveling all over Asia and stuff. And so literally living vicariously through what she's doing right now, very similar.

So, so that's, Yeah. So cra like goals like big time, right? If you're into travel and that kind of thing. But you know what strikes me about what you were saying and I was kind of thinking about this in terms of something I could relate to this, like life by design. I think we're a lot of us who leave some sort of job or something, or something that they were, we're doing or we're going to something like, I'm gonna create this business for myself or whatever.

We're typically doing that because we are trying to almost rewrite. Our future and then hopefully our history in some way. And what I was thinking about when you were sharing what you were sharing is, you know, very similar to me. It was like I kind of wanted to get out of this like corporate routine.

And I had done that for like 20 years before I became an entrepreneur and worked. You know, got up. I was like out the door by like seven 30, like would've be in the office by eight. You know, at one point I think I had a nine to five, which was even better, but it would be like the same thing day in, day out.

But the way I felt about that was almost like my business and my work almost ran my life. Like I had a lot of that structure and play because I, you know, I needed to be places or I needed to go, or I had to show up for something. Whereas now I don't run my business that much differently, but it's like, I know, and what I learned about myself becoming an entrepreneur is that I'm actually not that much of a morning person.

I'm not an evening person, but I'm like a, I wanna get up at seven and like, take my time and go for a walk and like do the things to like, help you know, my mental state. Like get into a place where I can be creative in my job and maybe start at like nine or 10. Whatever feels good that day, and I'll kind of go through the same structure, but it's like structure on my terms.

So that's kind of what I was taking away from. I don't know if you can elaborate on kind of is that, you know, the type of thing that you're saying, but it felt like, you know what I mean? It was more like, well, what actually feels good? Like that didn't feel good, but this does because no one's telling me to do those things.

VL: Yes, exactly. I'm so glad that you said that because one of the things that you did, and maybe. Not really recognizing it this way is that you got curious about what works for you, what makes you feel good, what do you wanna do? And so that's one of the gifts and one of the freedoms of having your own business is that, yeah, you get to choose.

I mean, yes, there are going to be hats that you have to wear that you might not necessarily love or things that you have to do that probably you try to avoid more often than not. But the exciting and amazing part of that is that you can decide. What you do and where you put your energy and how you wanna start the day and really cultivate that morning routine for you.

And it doesn't have to be that 5:00 AM routine that people are like, wake up and do 20 minutes of this, and 20 minutes of that. And you're like, oh God, that sounds horrible. And 5:00 AM That's what you do early. So yeah. And I think a lot of. The, the first few steps of that is just asking yourself like, what do I want?

How do I wanna feel? What would be an incredible way to start the day? And that's sort of what I, I mean, in a nutshell, it's kind of what I do. We talk about what that life design looks like, and then we reverse engineer it from there. And we really decide how can I create this dream life in the day that I'm living today or tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

And really, when you look at it, it's these small, seemingly insignificant habits and behaviors and actions that you can take that, like you said, help rewrite your future. Because what you do today is going to reflect a year from now. Just like what you, the life you're living today is a reflection of what you did a year ago.

And so sometimes that's really eye-opening for people too, to think, okay, what was I doing last year, right? Like, I think you started your podcast a little over a year ago, but if you hadn't started that podcast, you wouldn't be at your 50 plus episodes at this point, right? If you started today, then, okay, a couple years from now, you'll get there.

But because you did this before, this is where you're at now. Now think of what's possible for you in the next. A year and a half, right? And it's like, oh, wait a second, I can do this. This is possible for me. And it doesn't have to be this crazy thing that's overwhelming and terrifying. You can actually do it today.

You can actually start some part of it today. 

SJ: Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. And I think a lot of also, what was going through my mind, as you were saying that is a lot of times we're doing things because we're doing them for others. Not ourselves. And I think what you're doing is this intention is like, you know, and we do that on purpose, right?

It's like, well, I've gotta get up and I've gotta go to work and I need to earn a salary. And like I even said the words I've got to, right? And it becomes like just this like cycle of things. And I know that was a pattern that I was falling into before. It was like everybody else in the world until six or seven o'clock at night.

And then it was like, okay, can I like go to the gym just to get my sanity and like, That's not enough. I know there's people out there listening who can relate, but you're hearing all my dirty laundry today. But you know, like it's definitely not like that anymore because I just know that I, if I need to be at a certain level to actually serve people, especially when they're my clients and you know, or we're on a podcast or things like that, like there's things I need to do to feel like I can feel good, right?

Because we want that to be an awesome episode or you wanna have a really great call, or whatever it is that you really do need in some ways, even if it's. Small ways to serve yourself a little bit at some point first so that you feel like you're lit up. I think. But yeah, 

VL: I love that. I, I definitely think listening to that language of, oh, I've gotta do this or I have to do that.

Listening to when you say those things and what they're about, and then see if you can flip the script to say something like, I get to do this, or, I'm lucky that I get to do this. And then you're like, wait, am I really happy about that? Am I really? Do I really get to do it or do I have to do it? And even as an entrepreneur, we say that all the time.

Ugh, I have to do my taxes. Ugh, we get to do our own taxes because you created your own business and so you get to do this, you get to like, that is such, such a gift. But yeah, of course there're gonna be times where we feel like we are living this life that other people want us to live. Or maybe we saw something that we're like, oh well, They're doing it, so I should do that too.

That's another one. Should get that, get that outta there. Mm-hmm. Outta your vocabulary. Mm-hmm. But yeah, like I said, it's getting curious. It's noticing your own language, it's noticing your own attitude towards things, and then redesigning it, re recreate it, rewrite that script. 

[12:40] Movement for Entrepreneurs

SJ: Yeah, definitely. So I wanna kind of shift gears a little bit because I think you've been kind of tinkering around with something and I've been kind of tinkering around with it a little bit, which is about like movement and kind of like the effect and, and for me personally, like I am someone who, and I know a lot of entrepreneurs who need to actually go and do some form of movement in order to.

Really feel good about their day or it just changes your perspective. So I'd love to know what your perspective is on the role of movement or exercise or whatever that looks like for people and entrepreneurship and like why that's really important. 

VL: Oh, so many great questions in here. So I want to mirror what you said just a moment ago about how at six o'clock can I get my gym workout in just to get my own sanity back.

And I think a lot of people who have a regular routine in movement understand that. Going to the gym or going to their CrossFit or going to their Pilates class or whatever type of movement you love. It's not just about the physical benefits. It's not about getting stronger muscles or having a six pack or looking a certain way.

There's so much support in terms of like, Releasing endorphins and changing that chemical balance of serotonin in our bodies and like stress hormones, all those chemicals change when we work out and when we can exercise regularly, we start to feel these benefits in numerous ways, including that mental and emotional wellbeing, which I think is one of my favorite parts about working out.

So, I like to lift weights at the gym and I also like to do Pilates. Those are probably my two favorites. I do have a little bit of a yoga practice that I kind of fall in and out of, and I really like hiking, so if I kind of put all my different types of movement together, I probably go. Into some sort of movement almost every single day.

Intentional movement, almost every single day. Now, some days are different than others. I posted earlier on Instagram today that I hadn't been in the gym in over 10 days. I think I haven't been in 11 days, and that's a big deal For me, missing that was a big deal, and actually part of why I went today, part of it was because I was like, oh, I'm gonna be talking about why exercise is so important.

Well, guess what? I'm feeling really down, and you know what? I'm just gonna go to the gym. I'm just gonna show up and see what happens. I had an exercise routine planned in my notes app, because I always do. So I went in with no expectation and then I just was like, okay, I got here, so now I'm gonna pick up a weight.

Okay. I'm gonna start doing the workout routine that I have, and I'm like, okay, I'll just do one set, or I'll just do one set of this exercise. And if I feel good, I'll keep going. And I finished the entire thing and I was there for at least 45 minutes and it was awesome. And I left and I just thought, I miss this so much.

I'm so glad that I showed up today. I'm so glad that I just got over myself and got over how I haven't been feeling so amazing and my body lately, because I know from someone, from being someone who regularly exercises that there are these incredible benefits beyond. Looking like I said, a certain way or those physical things.

So a lot of studies have shown that people who exercise regularly have better mental health, have a better emotional wellbeing. Other benefits are boosting your mood and your alertness and your concentration. That's a huge one for me. Getting rid of that brain fog. Go move your body. Go move that stale energy out of your body, like you're physically shifting energy in your body.

You can. Obviously improve your overall physical health. A lot of people experience better sleep when they move, so I'm not sure if you know this, but deep sleep is something that helps you in terms of like your physical body healing. So if you haven't really stressed your muscles or moved your body, your, your brain and your body might not think that you need that deep sleep for recovery.

Whereas if you're training regularly, you're getting that really deep sleep and you're. You're waking up more rested and more restored, so I know I can speak for myself with the things that I've noticed. Even just taking that. Break. I mean, people might think 10 days, I haven't worked out in two years, but 10 days does really make a big difference.

When before I was probably lifting weights about three or four times a week. So, but it's okay to, and I wanna mention this 'cause I think it's important, but give yourself grace when you do fall off track for 10 or 11 days or two years or whatever is, and just. Show up the next time you can or the next day.

Give yourself that opportunity. Give yourself that permission and do yourself that favor of just getting back into it. Because if you have experienced the the benefits before, come back to what those were for you and come back to why your yoga practice was so important, why going to the gym is so important and that could really motivate you to get back into it.

And then if you haven't experienced it before, oh my goodness. You are missing out on so much. It is incredible. Like your self-esteem improves and your self-esteem improves. I also feel like for myself, when I'm going to the gym regularly, I'm also making other healthier decisions in other areas of my life, whether that be the food that I'm choosing to eat, the people that I'm choosing to spend my time with, the ideas that are coming to me from my business.

All different kinds of things. So, I could talk about this all day. I don't wanna, I don't wanna ramble on about the benefits, but that I feel like is a great starting point or just a great reminder to get back into that flow. 

SJ: Yeah, I mean, I totally agree with that. I feel like, and I think at different stages it looks different for people too.

Like I know in my corporate days it was like, okay, I just need to get to the gym and like run it off and like lift weights. And it was like more aggressive as I had all this. Steam to kind of burn off, but now it's like, you know, a little bit different. And I think actually I'm gonna be canceling that gym membership shortly because for now it's like, you know, out and like a walk in the morning.

Like I just need to be in the trails around where I live and like be in nature and like empty my head and like, Smell the trees and like, you know, that's like therapy for me. And then, you know, I've got this really cool place that I've been going for yoga that's infrared and like how beneficial that's been.

And just like the sweat. And they also do weight workouts and things like that. So it's like, you know, I think it's cool. It's like, you know, you might need different things at different times and and I think that's okay. I think it's finding kind of what works and like also paying attention to that.

It's like I was so happy to get rid of like that other workout because I was like, That was like not a good place for me to really want to be right. Whereas this mm-hmm. Is definitely a little bit different. And you know, I just went a couple of months where I wasn't able to go, 'cause I had a little bike accident in April.

It was really dumb, but I had a bike accident, I hurt myself. And so like, man, was I ever feeling that? But it was like, you know, I was still going for my walks and I was still, you know, doing what I could. But it was nice to kind of get back to it. So I feel like, you know, you are gonna have times in life when you can.

May or may not be doing certain things, but gosh, what a difference it makes when I do for sure. What a difference. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe we can talk about, I mean, I know you talked a little bit about like deep sleep and that makes a lot of sense because it's like if you're not sort of exerting yourself to some degree, it's kinda like maybe you don't really need that or, you know what I mean, as deeply as you do.

Like, I know I sleep pretty good if I've had a little bit more of a workout or sweat, but how can we kind of equate sort of that same thing that we're talking about around sleep and things like that, around like maybe just like. Boosting energy and like, you know, I know for me I start to feel a lot more productive if I have a lot of energy and can kind of get things done.

So like what do you see as kind of the linkages there? 

[20:28] Momentum Through Habit Stacking

VL: Yeah,  it's one of those things where, It helps with your momentum. It helps with really getting into like the, the supportive routine that's going to help you make the right decisions and have that clarity and have the energy that you need. So in terms of when you start exercising your.

A couple, a couple cool things happen right away, so you might even feel really good the first time you do it. And I wanna say, celebrate the first time you do it. Celebrate the second time you do it, and celebrate the third time you do it. And just keep celebrating those little wins throughout. I think a big mistake people make is that they try to go really big and then they burn out right away with.

Literally anything, but especially with movement, they're like, I'm gonna go to the gym six times. A six times a day. I was gonna say six times a week, and it's gonna be amazing and I'm gonna get up early. And then obviously none of those things happen. Or it happens one day and then never again. So start really small and build from there, because if you've never, ever worked out before and you go to the gym and you start lifting weights, your body is going to be exhausted.

I like to say that. Consistency isn't every single day, but it's never giving up. And especially when it comes to physical exercise, you're not actually meant to push yourself every single day. Your recovery is not gonna happen if you're working out, even if you're getting those deep sleeps like. I, I'm not wearing it right now, but it's charging.

But I have an Oura ring that if I'm doing really heavy weight training for three or four days in a row, my aura ring says, Hey, you've worked out a lot. You could take a rest day today and you'd be okay. You're not gonna die just 'cause you took the day off. And so I think that's a really big thing. But to your point, you know, we're in different seasons, we're in different times of our life.

We're feeling different every day. And so incorporating some sort of variety or just like those active recovery days where instead of maybe training with weights, you're going for that walk. But what you're gonna start to see, or what you're gonna start to feel is that that daily movement practice really lights up your body in so many ways.

So, The more you move the thirstier you get and the more water you drink, the more it's gonna help with your digestion. And of course, when we have better digestion, we're just better overall. So your gut health, that has a huge effect on your mood, not just the movement, but also the other benefits and other things that are happening.

And what I like to say is exercise is a habit or a behavior that multiplies. And what I mean by that is that you can have habits that grow and you can have habits that multiply. So a habit that grows could be. My habit is I want to go for a 10 minute walk every single day. And so that's great. You walk for 10 minutes.

After you get in the habit of it, it actually becomes more automatic. You say, okay, I wanna walk for 15 minutes, and then it will grow 20 minutes, 30 minutes. But obviously we only have so many minutes in a day to go for a walk. I mean, we can't walk the whole day. So your habit probably stops growing at, let's say 30 minute walk a day, 60 minute walk a day, whereas.

The actual walk itself, or the actual ener or the actual part of me movement exercise is gonna be a habit that expands and multiplies. So in terms of that multiplication, like I said, it's affecting different areas of your life. It's affecting how much water you drink, how much sleep you get, what better mood you're in.

So that's gonna affect your relationships. And then all of a sudden you've got like this plethora of healthy habits that are happening for you, and it's exciting and it's energizing and it's. Motivating and that progress, it really lights you up to keep going. So those physical benefits of the exercise giving you energy because you're releasing endorphins, because you're changing the chemicals in your body.

Are really great, but then all of a sudden you start to feel more empowered because you're growing and multiplying your habit. There was something really empowering for me today to go to the gym and say, I'm just gonna show up. And then I left 45 minutes later, feeling stronger, feeling better, having drinking more water, having gotten some fresh air, having gotten out of my house.

So it made me excited to even just share that story with you today on the show and just say, Hey, you know what? Even myself who is a finished trainer, who is a health and wellness coach, I still fall off track and then we get back on again. And I'm gonna celebrate that today because whether you are celebrating that first win or coming back after a hiccup, or you're celebrating the consistency that you created, that celebration is gonna help fuel you and your motivation to keep moving forward.

And again, it's just. This ripple effect of energy, not just only in yourself, but in all of the things that you start to do. And so you'll, you'll see it in your business, you'll see how working out will really support your business. And same to your point too of when you had your bike accident, you felt pretty quickly how different your life was and maybe your energy and maybe your mood and how you interacted with people, right?

So I hope that answers your question. 

[25:28] Arbitrary Timeline VS Diving Timing

SJ: Yeah, no, I think it does. And there was a couple things I was thinking off the hop there, which is when you were describing somewhat of like the habits, I'm like, first of all, there's never been a time when I've made a decision to go move. And even if it was hard to get my butt out there, actually make the movement happen.

You know, 'cause I was having a day or whatever. I mean, let's be real, we're all human, right? I've never looked back and been like, oh, I regret taking that walk. Or I regret too. Like you'll, you'll never regret it. Like I, I, I don't think there's ever been a time and I'm always like the opposite where I'm like, Ugh, I'm so glad I actually forced myself to go do that.

'cause sometimes you do, sometimes you have to be your own accountability coach in a way. Right? So that's cool. And then the other thing that was striking me about, we were sharing around habits. And like, you know, kind of growing and multiplying and things like that. Is that when you're initially talking about it and it's like, okay, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna like go in hard and I'm gonna go like six days a week or five days a week, or whatever it was.

It's like all I could think about was like, New year's, like January one when people like make all these commitments and these resolutions and things and then like they don't actually follow through on them. And so I'd love to kind of get your take on that because I feel like sort of underlying what I was taking away from that is like, Start somewhere and then you can start to grow and multiply from there.

Versus like this unrealistic plan that it's like, yeah, like how, how am I really, like I, I do nothing now and I'm gonna go to like maximize plan. Like, even though I don't work out that much, you know, every single week. So it's like, you know, there's like this habit building I think that we need to do. So I'd love to just kind of get your take on that, but, 

VL: Yeah, it's a really great question and I think a lot of people don't even realize how much they're affected by like the January 1st, we have to do all these things and there that word is, again, I have to do that or I should do this.

Mm-hmm. So ask yourself like, why do you feel like you need to, to go to the gym six times a week? Who made that rule for you? Like, did you make that up? Did you see someone say that you need to do that? And is the person who, or does the person who have that two hour, you know, delicious morning routine that's full of meditation and mindfulness and slowness and nature, like does, is that realistic for your own life?

So, Two things kind of come up here for for this, and one of them is motivation. So everyone is highly motivated on January 1st to get things done, but what they're not realizing or what they're not paying attention to is their ability. So we need our motivation and our ability to kind of match each other a little bit.

So if we have really high motivation, Our ability to get up two hours earlier is not happening, then we're not gonna have that morning routine. Or if our ability to go to a gym six days a week when we look at our schedule and we're like, oh, we have no time for that in our schedule, or We haven't created that time yet.

So, okay, you're excited, you're motivated, that's great. Now look at your physical calendar. How does this fit into your life? Where does this one hour workout fit into your schedule? And when maybe when you look at it, you say, oh, actually, I can fit two hours a week in my schedule, but I can't do six right now.

So maybe I'll just start with two or one. Or maybe it's, I can go three times a week if I do 30 minute intervals instead of a 60 minute workout. So it's really. Like, you know, some people think it's the boring part of habit forming, but really this is what's gonna make or break your success and your behavior and creating that.

It's knowing that, do I have the ability to do this? And sometimes it's time. So we've been talking a lot about time being our ability, but sometimes it's our money and sometimes it's the Like our physical capability of doing it. So maybe we have a very active job where we're outside all day and then you want me to go to the gym for an hour after I've just like, Sh You know, maybe I'm a tour guide and I help all these people hike through the mountains, and then I'm like, yeah, no, I don't have the capacity.

I don't have the mental, or I don't have the, the mental or the physical ability to do that. So it could also be your mental capacity. Maybe you are just so fried from the day that you are not able to keep up with the Zumba class, but you could totally go into a yoga class and just follow along a slower flow.

And so those are really some things to consider because it's so easy to look at everybody else, I think. You know, the day in a life or my morning routine, all those things are really attractive to us online right now, and we wanna copy the people that we love. And it's not because that's a bad thing for us, it's just we admire that and we want what they have, so we're gonna do what they do.

However, make it make sense for you, make it feel good for you. And that's why I like to tell people to start with their intention. So if you have that high motivation, start with your feeling word. How do you want to feel when you find that feeling word? Ask yourself what activities, behaviors, actions, routines, habits.

What are the things that help me feel that way? So my feeling word this year, one of them was strong and I feel strong when I go to the gym. I also feel strong when I get eight hours of sleep, seven to eight hours of sleep. I also feel strong when I have really firm boundaries with my time and my energy, so I can commit to that strength or that feeling of strong every single day without having to go to the gym every single day.

And that, I think, is a really big game changer for people too. When they're thinking, okay, what's my motivation? What's my ability and what's my intention? First and foremost? 

[30:58] Your “Feeling Word” is Your Superpower

SJ: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that because I, I, I do think it would be interesting, I was trying to think of my own, as you were saying that, and it was kind of like, yeah, like I've got a lot of things going on this year.

So like, it would be healthy, right? Like, so it didn't mean necessarily strong or this or that, but just that I've got, I need to have some sort of a stam stamina, right? Like there's a lot of things, a lot of travel, all that stuff. So it's like maintaining that. But and when you think about reverse engineering, that, that might look different than if it were something else, right?

So yeah. Very specific, I feel like, which is key. Mm-hmm. 

VL: And for, for your word, healthy, you wanna think about what that means for you? So you said, oh no. What was the word you just said? I had on the tip of my tongue.

SJ: Oh, stamina. 

VL: Stamina. Thank you. For you, if healthy and stamina kind of go hand in hand, working out every single day hardcore.

Probably doesn't give you the statement. Yeah. Not gonna fly that you need fly. No, but But being in nature. Yeah. And honoring your body every day and saying, yeah, I'm gonna go in nature today, but today maybe it's 15 minutes tomorrow, it's like an hour or whatever it is. You are, you are doing what feels good for you.

And then you're, don't feel bad for not getting something done because you made this arbitrary goal. You actually have intention of do I feel healthy? Do I have stamina? And if you're like, yeah, at the end of the day you check that box, great. You're successful. So that's gonna be a big, like you said, specific, but it's also makes a big difference in your progress and your success for sure.

[32:27] Tips to Staying on Track

SJ: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay, so we're probably gonna have some people out there that are like, yep, yep. She's totally speaking to me. I know you see me I'm listening and this all sounds good, but you know, what are some tips you have that will kind of keep me on track if I decide that I'm gonna go and do this?

Like, what would you say to that person? 

VL: So many tips. Well, I'm someone who I like to ask questions, so I wanna know. When you think about what stamina and healthy look like for you and feel like for you every day, where do you feel like you're gonna get stuck? And so we can definitely use you, Sarah, as an example.

One of the things you mentioned was your travel. So if you look at your calendar, do you know when your next travel is gonna be? Do you know roughly? 

SJ: Yeah, there probably one in July and there's gonna be a big one in September, which is actually like a week and a half that I'll be away. Oh, wow. So like a week and a half for me to be somewhat out of routine will be weird.

Yeah, that's a, that's gonna be a big shift. 

VL: Yeah, so this is really good to know. So, you know, in advance, we're now in June, you have your travel in July and September. You can plan in advance to really support and kind of nurture around those travel dates to help you maintain that stamina. And so for the person who's like, yeah, this sounds amazing, but how do I do that?

It's obviously gonna be really specific to that person, which I always like to encourage people to just send me a DM. Ask me what's up. I sometimes use it as content as well, because if you have a question, someone else definitely has that question. But for someone listening right now and they're like, okay, I wanna take some action today.

Start with your feeling word and then ask yourself how you can do that in this moment, or what that would look like in the future. So in terms of your healthy and your stamina, can you think of any obstacles that might come up between now and your July trip? 

SJ: Maybe not that trip, but I mean, here's one thing that I anticipate might happen.

So I'm actually attending sort of like an in-person, like intensive for entrepreneurs and things like that. And so, I'm like, I know I'm gonna be spending a lot of time there. And you have a choice to either stay at the hotel or actually a lot of people are staying across the street 'cause it's a lot more reasonable to stay there.

And because I'm gonna be there for a few days, I'm actually thinking, so I don't know if this is quite what you're asking, but I'm actually thinking that I'm gonna stay. A little bit more offsite because there's a hotel that's closer that actually has a pool and like some outdoor chairs and you know, I might be able to get and go and walk there or, you know what I mean?

Just do some things or sit by the pool and like have my laptop and chill. And like actually enjoy some of that downtime that I will have in between flights and things like that. So I have anticipated if I'm gonna actually do this and stay on site, that it's just gonna be like go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

And I know, like I'm an extroverted introvert in some ways where it's like I will be all in for that, but then I also need time to go back and recharge my batteries. And so like, I'm already thinking about that, just, you know, having been in those situations before, just one example. 

VL: Yes, that's perfect. So you know that to be healthy and to keep your stamina through these live in-person events with lots of people and you're kind of have to be on a lot, you know that you need that downtime and so you're making intentional decisions around that trip or for that trip.

And you know what you like. You know what feels good, being in nature, being by the pool, being alone for a little bit, having that downtime, going for those walks, like that's going. Those are the types of choices now that you're making because you have this intention in mind because you're living a life by design and not by default.

SJ: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, 'cause I mean, and the truth is like, it's because I've been down this road before, did the opposite, right? So sometimes we have to learn that where it's like, go, go, go, go, go. And then I get home and I get sick or I get a cold or something and I'm like, shoot, I have something else.

Right? And I when I'm traveling, I know that I'll be traveling and I have. Something, you know, for a few days. And then I have to travel again and I have another something. And then when I come back I'm actually training on a pretty big webinar. So it's like, that's what I mean about healthy is that like I'm gonna have to be at all these high energy points and be traveling and be around all kinds of other choices, like foods and things, right?

And so it's like I need to be making the right choices so I know that I can get through all that and do it well. Hundred percent. 

VL: You do it well, and, and to your point, like I think a lot of us have learned. You know, they say they've learned the hard way, but if you've learned, you've learned, I don't care what way you learned it.

So that's really important because a lot of times we're like, oh, I always get sick every year. Every time I come home for an event, I get a cold. Stop telling yourself that, first of all, and then do the things that support you to not get sick or to not lose that healthy stamina that you've been working so hard to maintain, and you're doing a great job of it.

So far it sounds like.

SJ: Yeah. And I would say even for like the ideal, remember we were talking about travel at the beginning and like goals and like getting out and like being able to take those alone trips and stuff. Like even it's even those things I find like whether it's entrepreneur, it's just like in your personal life and things.

Like for me, I know we were traveling to Europe quite a bit 'cause my husband's family is over there and we'd been a couple times and it was like we were just, So busy for like two weeks. And so the last time we went I was like, I have one request and it is for at least two days, minimum two, maybe three, we actually go somewhere where there is a beach and I get my two beach days, and then we can do whatever the heck you want.

But it's like in the middle of all of that. We need to do that. And what's funny is the last time we did actually do that, some of his family members actually joined. And everybody was like, oh, we could, they couldn't stop talking about the two days 'cause it was like, yeah, it's like, 'cause when we go and we have all these plans and we get excited and we're doing all this stuff and it's great.

And it might even be like the life by design, but there also needs to be incorporated. I think some like moments for you or just like some really intentional choices about like, this is gonna all be good, but sometimes like, Too much good. There really is so much as a too much is a good thing. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I don't know if I'm saying that right. There's like a saying around that where like too much of a good thing isn't always a good thing, I think is how they say it, but Yeah. 

VL: Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. I don't know the exact thing, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, and like I said, you.

You're doing the right things where you have those boundaries and you have that insight and clarity and you have that connection and relationship with your partner where you can say, Hey, this is what I need. And for them to, to listen and to honor that is really special too. So I think that's huge and a really great a really great example.

Thanks for sharing that. 

[39:01] Remove Any Guilt of Filling Your Own Cup First

SJ: Yeah. And like if you're somebody that's out there that's feeling guilty about that, 'cause I know I felt a little bit like, you know, I'm gonna be like, this is what I need. You know what I mean? It's all about me. But it was like, no, literally this is what I need. Like, and so nobody else is gonna be out there and be in your brain and know what you need.

And so don't feel bad about that because you know, that might, those two days might be just what you needed to be like. Amazing for the rest of the trip, right? Rather than like tired or whatever. So, you know, I feel like a lot of times I'm working with people and they're like, oh, I really wanna do this, but you know, I've got, you know, the kids or this or that, and it's like, okay, cool.

But like you're gonna be so much better serving to them, you know what I mean? When you actually take care of yourself. So I think that comes up a lot in things too. 

VL: 100% you have to fill your cup first.

SJ: Yeah. Awesome. Okay. So, oh my gosh, Valerie, thank you so much. I feel like so many good things that you've had to share.

I feel like we could just keep going and talking about so many things. Also very curious to hear about your Pilate studio at some point, but I know there's gonna be people that are out there listening and thinking, okay, yeah, I am definitely gonna DM you and go ahead and use me as an example, or, I have questions about that.

So where is the best place for people to find you if they wanna reach out to you?

VL: Yeah. Thank you so much. So I am pretty much on almost every platform I'm on. Instagram is probably the best place to find me and YouTube and TikTok @vallavignelife. And then my website is pretty much where you can find everything else. And that's valerielavignelife.com. 

Instagram @vallavignelife https://instagram.com/vallavignelife 

YouTube @vallavignelife https://youtube.com/@vallavignelife 

TikTok @vallavignelife https://tiktok.com/@vallavignelife 

SJ:  Awesome. Okay, well you guys heard it here. We'll make sure we include some links in the show notes that you can make sure you get in touch with Val. And, you know, here's to a healthier, better day. Like, get out there and take that walk or ride your bike or whatever's gonna make you feel good today.

So thanks for listening to this episode and we will catch you in the next one

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E249: I Just Made My Bed! Now What? [I Just (Blank)! Now What? Podcast]

Valerie shares how the simple habit of making your bed every morning can transform your life. From feelings of hopelessness and depression to achieving big dreams and taking leaps to build the life of her dreams, Valerie tells the relatable story of how tiny changes lead to huge transformation…

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VL: Welcome back to another episode of the women's empowerment podcast. I'm very excited to share a collaborative episode. Where I get to take you behind the scenes into another podcast that doesn't have a YouTube video, but it is an incredible show with Jessica Stevens. It's called I just blank. Now, what. And Jessica really talks to people. Who've had these life-changing experiences and of course, If you've already read the title of this episode, it's called. I just made my bed. Now, what. And it might seem like something that doesn't have a huge impact because it's such a small action. But as a listener of the women's empowerment podcast, you know, how important, how impactful habits can be. Those small seemingly insignificant actions that we take really lead to life-changing results. And so. Of course I have some. Stories that I could have shared with Jessica about buying a one-way ticket to Guatemala or following my dream and becoming a Pilates studio co-owner and I could have dove into those like bigger, crazy, quick changes and transformations. But really, I wouldn't have been able to do those big things. Take those big leaps without these small changes. First. And so I really excited to share with you. How I used or how I created this dream life, this life by design, using small and simple habits. 

The other thing I wanted to mention was that, of course, those other stories with the big lavish. 

Examples are entertaining. Sometimes they're not as relatable. And I really wanted to connect with the listener. I want to connect with you today. To really show you that there is potential in the tiniest actions. And so let's get into the podcast episode. I'm really excited to share it with you

[02:07] Podcast Collab: I Just (Blank)! Now What?

Jessica Stevens: And hello everyone. Welcome back to the show. Jessica Stevens here, your host of I Just blank. Now what? The podcast we are at episode 77. Oh my goodness. I cannot even begin to tell you how thrilled I am that we are running for our last 25 episodes to get to episode 100 and this season there's definitely gonna be a bit of a theme.

And focus as it relates to you and the transformation and the goals, and helping us all have the best, best, best 2023. So last week it was all about the reset, and this week we're talking all about habits. My guest today is Valerie LaVigne, and her story is, I just made my bed. Now what, and I know it doesn't sound like an inspiring title, but let me tell you, there is some serious power.

In a simple habit like making your bed, and Val is gonna unpack the story for us and share how this one simple action literally changed the course of her life. So are you a bed maker? Do you make your bed every single day or not? Right? And if you do, awesome, amazing. You are. You are one of the elites. And if you don't, then I wanna invite you to listen into this episode and consider what.

This one simple action could do to change your life. I openly admit making my bed is not a total habit. I do do it more often than I don't, but there's definitely days where my bed is not made. But after having this conversation with Val and re-listening to this episode, it is a new habit that I am going to be making a priority for myself.

So a little bit about Valerie. She is a healthy habit mentor. Podcast host and Pilates studio owner, and she helps women in leadership roles create and prioritize habits, routines, and rituals so that they can increase their energy, confidence, and get more out of life. So without further ado, let's get to the "now what?"

Have you ever had a situation happen in your life that you weren't expecting, good or bad, and said to yourself or out loud? Oh my gosh, I just fill in the blank. Now what? Me too friend. Me too. I've had quite a few actually, and in the moment, I never knew what I was gonna do next. Of course I had to figure it out sometimes the hard way, but I did figure it out.

So join me and some amazing guests this season as we all share our own. I just blank now what stories so we can all learn from their transformational lessons to help us all answer that lifelong and often paralyzing question. Now what?

 Well, hello, my beautiful friend, Val.

Valerie LaVigne: Hello. How are you?

JS: I am good. I'm loving all the green life behind you there. 

VL: Thank you. Yeah, my plant babies. My, my plant babies. 

JS: My plant babies. Me too. So excited to have you on the show today. It's been a minute since we've been talking about having you come on because I was a guest on your show last year and we've been trying to figure out how to, the timing to get you on this show so you can share some wisdom and nuggets with, with my audience.

So I'm so grateful that we've been able to do a little show swap.

Check out Jessica’s episode on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast!

VL: Me too. Thank you so much for having me. This is exciting. 

JS: Yeah. Obvi. I am, I'm super excited because we're gonna talk about something that is near and dear to my heart and I know is near and dear to your ha heart, which is all about habits.

But before we do that, I just read your wonderful, amazing bio to everybody in the intro. But I always want guests to come on and share a little bit about themselves in their own words and what you actually want people to know about you. Like what's, what's something that you want the peoples to know?

VL: Well, thank you so much. So I am a Healthy Habit mentor. I'm also a Pilates teacher and studio owner. I wear a lot of hats, and that's something that most people realize about me when they start to get to know me. I'm a podcast host. I do a lot of different things. I love travel, I love tequila, that kind of thing, you know, you know, it's always about.

Having a good time and balancing all those things. And so when people ask me, how do you do all of the things you do? Not what you do, but how do you do it all? I tell them it's through my habits, routines, and my rituals. This is the thing, or these are the things that keep me. Energized and excited and moving forward and making an impact are these small things that I do that are seemingly insignificant every single day.

And what's really great about, I know we're gonna talk about this more today, is what's really great about these habits is they've not only given me permission, but they now give the people around me permission to do those things too. So without getting into the logistics or the details of my bio. That's basically what I do and who I am and how I do it all in a nutshell.

JS: and that is what makes us kindred spirits because I am like you. I am also a multi-passionate entrepreneur who does a lot of different things too. So I have my own show and I have another health and wellness business and I, you know, I do consulting and I like do all this stuff.

Everyone's like, how do you do all of it? I'm like, well, I'm a very organized person, but those habits are literally the lifeline that I depend on because you know, once something becomes a habit, it gets into this autopilot zone where you can actually do it without expending too much thought and energy.

Right? And that's so much important. So important. So you can expend those thoughts and energy on doing all those other things. So This was not always you though, right? So we're gonna like rewind the tape. We're gonna go back to Valerie Prehab master. Mm-hmm. And we're gonna talk about this one action that you did that literally set you on a new course in life and that was making your bed.

VL: I know it sounds crazy, but Exactly. It was making my bed one day. It changed my life completely. 

[08:25] How Making My Bed Changed My Life

JS: Okay, so take us back. What was going on in your life at the time? You know, let, like give us a little backstory and then what led you to this epiphany of, I'm gonna make my bed today, and then the ripple effect of that.

Take us back. 

VL: Totally. So I am the eldest of three children, and this is way back, but growing up it was, My "responsibility", air quotes here to, you know, take care of my brother and sister, like, look out for them. I was always reminded of like, you're the example. You need to set an example. And I hated it. I hated having all this responsibility as a kid.

I just, and I didn't, it wasn't even like I raised my siblings. I just was like told that, you know, your siblings look up to you. You need to make an impression or make an example, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just was such a rebellious kid. I wanted to blaze my own trail. I wanted to do my own thing. I didn't wanna follow rules or structures or schedules.

Like I, someone was like, oh yeah, check off the boxes. I was like, boxes? No, no, no, no. I'm not interested in any of your boxes. I'm making my own list and I'm gonna check off my own boxes. So, Even if there was someone with a really incredible, profound game changing idea, transformative experience and story, I needed to know it for myself.

I needed to learn it in my way. I needed to do it my way. And quite frankly, that was, was, that was working for me for a little while, but growing up, my parents didn't really encourage us to. Like make our bed. It wasn't a big deal. They didn't put any emphasis on it. And it wasn't actually until my early twenties that I started making my bed, maybe like my late teens, early twenties.

And at the time, like I said, I didn't realize how much it was gonna change, change my life, and all I did was I literally just made my bed, one bed one day, and then I made it again. Another day and then the next day, and I started to kind of measure and track the habits just out of curiosity because not only was I that trail Blazer do it myself, but I was very curious.

I always wanted to learn and to figure things out, like I said on my own. And so this is one of those things that I just. I was like, all right, well now like now what do I do? What's the next thing, right? So I made my bed again, and then I did it again, and I slowly began to notice this positive effect in my life.

That making my bed was something that I did once, and then again and again. I was like, why am I keep doing the same things? And I, if I think back to it now, I've been doing it for more than a decade, and I think it's my longest standing habit, which is pretty cool. But I, I think what the biggest part of it was for me at the time when I first started it, was that it helped me mentally and emotionally when I was going through a really tough time with feelings of anxiety and depression.

And one of the main reasons, and I know this kind of sounds silly, but one of the main reasons why it helped me be because once the bed was made, I didn't wanna get back into it, so I'd have to start the day. I'd have to do the next thing. And if you've ever felt feelings of anxiety or feelings of depression, you would know that you don't wanna get out of bed and you don't really wanna do anything else.

You just kind of wanna hang out there and lay there and, and be by yourself 

JS: and pull the covers over your head.

VL: Exactly. And so making my bed was, My way of, okay, the bed is made, I can't get back into it 'cause then I'm gonna have to remake it again. And nobody wants to do that. But it was also a really quick win for the day, which again, I didn't understand at the time, but, 'cause I mean like kids make their bed right in elementary school, big deal.

Like it doesn't seem like anything. Mm-hmm. But over time I recognized that I had achieved something at the beginning of my day. I did something, I checked off a box, my own box, and I had a win for the day. And it actually started to set me up for multiple wins throughout the day moving forward from that, which was really amazing.

JS: Okay. And I'm guessing that you're also like myself, a bit of a competitive person. Mm-hmm. Would you agree? Yeah. And so creating a, a streak. In terms of like, how long can I keep this going? And that, that competition with yourself of I'm challenging myself to do this. That, that was probably somewhere in the mix too.

VL: Yes, it absolutely was. So I think what's really impactful about doing something once and then again, and then again, and creating this streak mm-hmm. Is that you. Don't even realize how much making an X on the calendar or checking off a box on your tracker actually motivates you to do the next thing.

Because the biggest motivator for healthy habits is, is progress. So to be able to see your progress mm-hmm. Just keeps you moving forward. And what's really cool about these super small, seemingly insignificant habits is that, The progress can be seen really easily. 'cause it's like, yep, we checked the box, or yep, we, we have that streak going, but it's actually then those long-term gains in that long-term, bigger transformation that start to propel you and move you forward again and again.

So I started making my bed really simply. I fluff the sheet and then I put a couple pillows on it. Big deal. Now I take more time to fold the edge of the sheet and I like smooth out the bed because mm-hmm. The way you do one thing is how you do everything else in your life. Mm-hmm. And that's what's so cool about human behavior, is that we are kind of predictable as humans.

And you might have actually heard the heard of the book Make Your Bed, it's written by Admiral William h McRaven. But the very first chapter, like one of the first lines says, if you wanna change the world, start by making your bed. And I, as a certified health coach who specializes in healthy habits, I teach this all the time and I talk about not necessarily just making your bed, but all these other things that we can do for our own health and wellness.

And it's not about adding to our already busy schedules. It's not about, you know, changing your entire life or. Starting your day, two hours earlier, it's about those small things that we might already be doing, but with more intention behind them. And so how I help my clients and how I help other people is by working with them to create that dream life through.

The habits they're already doing and bringing that feeling into it. Bringing that intention, intention into it. So with making my bed, at first it was just like, yeah, I made my bed. Big deal. Okay. I made it again. That feels actually pretty good. Okay. I'm making progress. I'm checking off the boxes. I'm exiting off the calendar. Great.

JS: I'm becoming a master bed maker. I've improved my skill in it. 

VL: I'm feeling better in my body. I want to get out of bed so that I can make it so that I can do the next thing, which was a huge part. Of my mental health. I was like, oh my God. Like I'm excited to get outta bed, to go live my life, to go make an impact, to go, to go do things.

And I hadn't felt like, felt like that in a very long time. And even on the days where it was really hard to get outta bed, you had that one win. Mm-hmm. You had that one constant no matter what happened to you that day. Was it? That's all I needed. 

JS: And If that was the only positive accomplishment you made that day, yeah.

It was still a win for you. Exactly. Exactly. I love that. Okay, so you start to make the bed, you start to make, start loving, making your bed, you start getting better at making your bed. Then you started noticing how your mindset and you felt about yourself on the days that you made your bed. Where did that lead you?

[16:18] Making My Bed Daily Led Me To…

VL: Well, it led me to so many different things. It led me to getting excited about creating routines and rituals, but not just any routines and rituals, but systems and habits and behaviors that really elevated me to be the best version of myself. I. It got me asking questions like, who do I wanna be and how do I wanna feel?

And what are my goals in life? And then I realized, oh, it's the small things that I can do to get me to those bigger goals. So I started reading more. I read 30 minutes every single day. And I was reading books upon books upon books. What, what are some other habits that I did back then? I. I started my own business.

That was a big one. And so I would have like c e o dates of myself and, you know, accountability meetings. Some of these habits I still carry with me today, journaling in the morning, all that kind of thing. But again, it was just like I was excited to do the next thing. And then I started to do that with more care and more intention and more purpose.

And it wasn't just because someone told me to. I got curious about myself and, and it led me to that next thing. And so, Yeah, I, I think what's really important for people to remember is that the one thing, like one of your healthy habits trickles into so many other areas of our lives. Mm-hmm. And it's something that we don't see right away in the, in the immediate transformation, but we do see it in the long term.

And I think. The long-term gains are what healthy habits are really made out of, whereas short-term gains are kind of those bad habits, but then they have the reverse, right? Yeah. Like long-term, not so good. Yeah. So this was one of those small things that actually was like a quick win and then led me to get excited and motivated for pro, like more progress in other areas of my life too.

JS: Okay. So, As you're telling me this and I'm listening to you, you know, unpack this part of the story and, and who you were becoming. It's making me think of Hal Elrod. He's the author of The Miracle Equation, as well as the Morning Miracle, or it's something about waking up at 5:00 AM which is not me at all, but I recently read his other book.

BOOK: The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod

BOOK: The Miracle Equation by Hal Elrod

Called Miracle Equation and he decided to go and run a marathon, I believe it was. And he, he defined himself not as a runner either, but what he said is like he wanted to meet the person who could do that. Right. And it wasn't actually so much in the running of the marathon, but becoming the person who does something like that.

And that's what was. I was thinking of you as sharing this part of your story if you wanted to meet the person. You wanted to become the person who did these things.

VL: 100%. And that's really the key to creating lasting change or creating those transformative habits is becoming the person is, is creating an identity based habit.

So what is incredible about all this is that. Your habits shape your identity and your identity shapes your habits so you can kind of, it doesn't really matter which one you start with, they're both gonna impact one another. Mm-hmm. However, if you can think of that blueprint or that plan of who do I wanna be, or what does that person do every day?

Like, what would the ideal version of me do first thing in the morning? Does that like future version of me check their phone? Do they wake up at 5:00 AM Do they go for a run? Probably none of those things for myself, but those are questions that it's like, well, why haven't I ever asked myself this before?

Do they make their bed? Mine does. My ideal version of me makes their bed. Mm-hmm. And so when we think of that big picture and we look at all the little details of what is that identity that we wanna become, who is that person we wanna embody? You're like, okay, well this person has this really luxurious life that is always with their friends or traveling or walking on a beach, or whatever it is.

Okay, what are some of the small things that this person does that I can start to implement and embody now? Mm-hmm. To, to become that person now and to meet them there

JS: To become her. Yeah. 

VL: Yes, exactly. And so sometimes that's just. The small thing, making your bed or only taking calls for your podcast episodes after 10:00 AM or making sure that you get your workout in before noon and eating healthy meals and whatever it is, whatever that version of her is for you or whatever person, whatever version of you that is for you.

[20:45] Manifesting “HER”

JS: Yeah, I love that because that is really truly the exercise of manifesting the life you want, right? You have to envision who is it that I want to be? What kind of life do I want to have? What? What am I doing? What am I not doing right? And if you can, then, Have at least like a little bit of an outline of that life.

It might seem so foreign to you now because it's not the life you're living now, but if you can get that manifestation and get that visualization exercise going on and see your future self in living the, the version of the life that you want, and see what that person's doing, then like, okay, this is what she's doing.

She's doing, she's, she's exercising, she's eating a lot, whatever. Okay, now I just need to start those things today. Even in my Mess Messier version of myself, because that is the path to get you to who you wanna be in the future. 

VL: Exactly, and it's not just what is she doing, it's what is she thinking? Who is she interacting with, what questions is she asking?

It's things that don't necessarily have to be tangible because I hear the excuse all the time like, oh, I don't have the means to do that. I don't have the time and I don't have the energy. Whatever it is, you have you, you are capable. You are capable of becoming that person today through other ways. So let's like, let's.

Pull apart that blueprint and see where we can get started. And a lot of the times it's with the mindset and again, like those small little things. So I think it really starts with asking yourself the, the question of how do you wanna feel? Just when you wake up in the morning, how do I wanna feel today?

That's it. 

JS: But I wanna feel energized. Yeah. I wanna feel inspired. I wanna feel, you know, like I can actually achieve anything. 

VL: Amazing. Exactly. So energize inspired, like you can achieve anything. And if you think about those feeling words, what habits do you already have or have you already done? Or even if they're not, you're not consistently doing them.

What makes you feel energized and inspired? What are some of the things, like what are actions you've done to feel that way? 

JS: Well that is definitely moving my body. That's definitely journaling, right? That's definitely taking time for me in the morning before everyone else's things start loading in.

Right? That's definitely nourishing my body with, with nutrient dense foods so that I actually have the energy to do the things. So yeah, so those are all the tiny little. Mundane things that actually support me in being the version of, of the person that I wanna be. 

VL: Exactly. And does that version of you, that person you wanna be, do they get caught up if they eat something that wasn't part of their nutrient dense, normal, or routines?

Or would they get caught up or feel frustrated that their movement wasn't the best workout they ever had? 

JS: No, because it's one day. And you just restart the next day. 

VL: Exactly. And that's what's so powerful about these small things is that like it doesn't matter if you do them today and tomorrow and the next day if you skip one day, you just keep going back to it and it's easy to just get back on track 'cause you know you've done it before and that progress just keeps building over time and already within.

Whenever you took that action, you've done it, you've done, you've gotten yourself closer, you've raised your energetic vibration, if you will, to get closer to that manifestation of you and I. When people start to realize this and take action on it, not just listen to the podcast episode, but actually take action.

Mm-hmm. That's when the transformation happens. It's almost immediate and that's where I kind of start to nerd out a little bit. 'cause I get really excited about that part.

[24:32] Bigger Transformations from Small Changes

JS: All right. So like, let's, let's, let's take it back to you. So what were some of the, those bigger things that you started noticing from these, these.

These small habits that you were stacking together to create, you know, the version of Valerie who you wanted to be, what, what, what gifts from the universe started showing up your door, girl? Because I know some really good things started to happen. 

VL: Yeah, so, well, let me think back. That was kind of a while ago.

So a couple things that started to happen were I got some really interesting job opportunities that I never thought I would be doing. So at the time, I was teaching yoga, and then I stumbled into the Pilates world, which again, at the time I didn't think it was a big deal. I needed a job. This was open and available to me.

So I started teaching Pilates and. Then a few years after that, I got this incredible opportunity to drop everything and take a trip through Central America. So I bought a one-way ticket to Guatemala. I left my job and my family and my boyfriend at the time, and I backpacked around Central America. And it was just like one new invitation led to another and another, and another.

And what was cool was that even though I was traveling for seven months, By myself with like no end in sight. I was making my bed every morning. I was prioritizing hydration. I was journaling some of the other small things I was doing, even while I was traveling were was just having conversations with people, was reading.

I kept reading even while I was away and. New habits formed. Like again, meeting new people, I was doing things out of my comfort zone every single day. I was like, okay, I've gotta do something that scares me. And most of the time I didn't even have to plan it out. It just was like, oh, this is so new. I don't know this language.

Okay, I'm learning this language. I am, you know, jumping off bridges into the water. I'm snorkeling and scuba diving and surfing and all these cool things. And what was really incredible was at the end of that trip, I had another opportunity to. Become a certified health coach. So after seven months of this, you know, transformative journey of mine and doing little things every day, it brought me to this new adventure and another adventure.

And the adventure of being a health coach was pretty interesting because even though I had the certification, right, I, I did the actions and the motions. Mm-hmm. I wasn't in the identity yet. I hadn't become her yet, so even though I had this, I was very nervous to, to announce that to the world. I didn't embody and step into it, and so my business didn't perform very well.

That being said, I did still have my wellness fitness part of my, my whole umbrella wellness business, and so I continued working on that and eventually my small habits of being a health coach and embodying that version of me, I really stepped into that role of this is who I am, and that's when clients started coming to me for health coaching and not just Pilates and yoga and all that good stuff.

So a couple more things happened through all of this. One of the things that I was doing for a couple years was like instead of journaling, every morning I would do a meditation and I would ask myself, okay, how do I wanna feel today? Who do I wanna show up as? And I was really, I. Putting in there like a business owner, a studio owner.

I really wanted to own my own studio for a very long time. And I did have a few people who came in and outta my life who were very encouraging of this, who wanted to either partner with me or, you know, was, would pump me up and motivate me to say like, yeah, you'd be a great studio owner. Like you should do it.

And for some reason I just knew that the timing wasn't right for those things, like the location wasn't right or the timing wasn't right, or money wasn't working out the way it was supposed to. And I just kept trusting myself to say like, this isn't the embodiment that I wanna be. This isn't the, the person that I wanna be.

The studio owner doesn't push this way. They don't force things in this way. And so a couple years went by, I'd say like maybe two or three years of, you know, this kind of mindset. Not every single day, but. I would do my monthly accountability meetings. That habit of my business and like what I wanted to create and, and manifest, if you will, since we've used that word already today.

And it was in June, may or June of 2020 when my now business partner reached out to me and said, Hey, The Pilates studio that we met at is for sale, and I wanna know if you wanna buy it with me. And right away I said, no, no I don't. But that was because I had just turned down two other partnerships I. That I didn't feel were right.

And so this third person said, just think about it and get back to me. Like, just take a little bit of time to think about it. And I was like, okay, okay, fine. So I thought about it and, and a few days later, actually, she needed an answer sooner than I expected. A few days later I said, yes, let's do it. Let's, let's start this new adventure.

And so, I was already stepping into that embodiment of being a studio owner even before I actually became one, because as I sat down in my car every day with my Pilates clothes on, I would say, I'm driving to my studio right now. It's my studio. Even though at the time it was not my studio, but this is how a Pilates studio owner would drive to their studio.

This is how my Pilates studio, studio self or studio owner self would think and dress and start the day and answer emails and sit at her desk. Little tiny actions. Little tiny behaviors, brought me to that place and brought me to my health coaching business. And now my Pilates studio, which you came to, thank you so much for visiting us.

JS: That was awesome. Yeah, I, I loved your studio. It was a great workout. And I love that story. I love, I love the fact that. It is not an overnight, you know, blow up your world. It is those incremental tiny little things, which you and I have talked about many a times as we, you know, you asked me about my dragonfly and, and you know, that, that, that story of a dragonfly.

Transformation from a nymph to, to a dragonfly. It is, it's partial metamorphs. It's tiny little changes each and every day that gets them to, from where they are to where they wanna be. And you just need to also have a very clear vision of who you wanna be and what you wanna be doing. So that the actions that you're taking every single day are leading you to be that.

Right? So I love, I love the story. I love how it was all incremental. It was not just a big boom. There was probably a few like really big things that happened that were very noticeable, but most of it was kind of transformation creep, as I like to call it. Right? It like creeps up on you and you're like, oh my goodness.

Like. This, this, this is huge, but you did it in, in small, tiny ways, which is totally manageable for everybody. It's not like, oh, I, I went and did this huge thing, which is not necessarily possible for a lot of people, but every single person on this planet owns their own body. It owns their own actions and has the ability to do something every single day to set them on the path in the right direction and to keep them moving forward.

[32:00] Permission to GLOW + GROW

VL: And it's cool because I really did it for me and other people were noticing and then started to feel permission to do those things for them. So I was putting my needs, my self-care, things that I mm-hmm. Wanted first and foremost, and that gave me the energy and the strength and the motivation to also, Be the person I needed to show up as, whether that was the sister, the coach, the daughter, the partner, the boss at later, the employee, whatever it was at the time, and it gave the people around me.

I. The permission to do that for themselves too. And then that ripple effect is not only in my life with my habits, but the people around me and the people around them. And so you're making this greater impact and this greater transformation. And it's funny 'cause if the story just told was obviously a very quick story of like the last 10 years or so of my life, so obviously it's a lot longer than that.

And some people would think like, oh, she's so lucky. She just. This opportunity to own a studio and to travel just fell on her lap. And that's not true at all. And actually it was because of the effort that I put in because of all of the work that I've done over time. My now business partner has known me for almost 10 years now, probably eight years.

I. And she, she saw me right at the beginning of my Pilates journey. Mm-hmm. She saw that I checked the box every day. Maybe she didn't see my check boxes, but she could see that transformation. You doing the work that was going on. Yeah. And, and when she chose me again, air quotes to partner with her, it wasn't because she was just like, oh yeah, that's the only Pilates teacher I know.

No, it was because she's seen that growth and through that transformation she knew that okay, she, she puts in effort, she shows up this way. Mm-hmm. And, and we make a great team because we compliment each other's strengths and, and. Differences and all these amazing things. And yeah, it's, it's pretty cool.

But again, it's like a lot of people don't see the work that you're putting into. And I think, I don't like saying winners and losers, but I think that's the difference between the winners and the losers or the achievers and the people who aren't meeting their goals. Maybe we'll say it that way, is that the achievers check off the box and even if they miss a day, they keep going.

Mm-hmm. And the people who aren't reaching our goals are giving up because. They aren't reaching perfection in their streak or they aren't re reaching the most perfect workout, the most perfect. Like if I didn't make my bed perfectly today, big deal. I especially made my bed perfectly tonight because I knew I was doing this podcast, but, but if I didn't, big deal.

Like who caress the tomorrow's a new day. And that is what brings you to success is that progress over time. So, really, Just keep going. just keep setting up. 

JS: Yeah. It's, it's not about making it perfect, right? It's about the action of doing the thing to become the person, right? So you're not gonna do it perfectly every single day.

None of us can execute perfectly day in, day out. But it's just the, the action of doing it. And then, and when you fall off the wagon, you get back on and you do it again. There's, i, I know so many people who struggle with the. The stop and the start and they beat themselves up and say, oh, you know, I keep stopping and starting, and I, I start again and then I stop again and whatever.

I'm like, that's life. Right? Like that is, that's, that's, that's how we do it. You just need to keep going and never stop on a stop. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Like your last, your last chest move on the board just can't be to the stop position. The last chest move. Is the start one and you, and you keep that one going.

And if you end up on a stop again, that's okay, but it just can't be like your last move. You gotta then make another move to get back to the start. Okay, so what I always love to ask everybody at this point in the show is now what? What's going on? What do you have happening? You know, where have your tiny little habits led you to this moment in time right now?

What's going on? 

[36:06] Where Val’s At Today

VL: Well, I mentioned I am a Pilates studio owner, so that has been a very exciting part of my journey in terms of the healthy habits that have brought me there. I kind of mentioned those already for that part of my life. In my health coaching, what I'm really excited about is that I am specializing more in healthy habits, so, I'm a certified health coach who is a Healthy Habit mentor in that health and wellness realm.

And what I'm very excited about in this new chapter is that I have a one-on-one make habit mentorship program where, where I'm working more closely with people, but I also have this community that's growing in my Healthy Habit membership program. And part of that is that seasonally we do a healthy habit challenge and our next one isn't until Early 2023, but we do them every season, which has been really cool because I think we've done three officially now.

And it's really amazing to see now the momentum of what other people have been because of the support that I've been able to give them and the the things that I've been able to teach them through this. So honestly, I'm really excited about it because I am currently in the backend of overhauling my.

Coaching business. But these are the three things that I'm really excited about that we're offering in the business. And so I don't know exactly what's next from there, but that's what's happening right now. And that's, I mean, it started with making my bed and now I help people. Change the world by making their bed too.

[37:41] Connect with Val

JS: So I love it. That's what's, I love it. Ah, it's so good. And now is such an amazing time. Obviously this is early 2023 right now as this is airing, and this is the time when a lot of people start evaluating their lives and you know, what they want this year to be for them. And so I don't like to call them resolutions, right.

Because, but what are some of those habits that all of us are going to implement? On the regular for 2023 so that at the end of the year we are embodying that person we truly wanna be. Love it, Val. Okay, so that is it for us for today. I'm so grateful for you for coming on the show. Where do you like to hang out, Val?

Where can people find you in the interwebs?

VL: Totally. Thank you. You can find me on Instagram or TikTok @vallavignelife, or on my website, which is valerielavignelife.com that's where I'm at

JS: Excellent. Alright everybody. That is it for us. If this episode resonated for you and I. Hope it did. Please give it a like a share.

And if you know somebody who is going through something similar and could use some support in the Healthy Habits space, please, please, please share this episode with them. It just may help them figure out their own. Now what? All right. That's it and we will see you next week for another episode of, I Just Blank.

Now what?  Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate it more than I can say. Did you love this episode of, I just blank now. What? If you did, be sure to subscribe on your fave podcast platform. And if you're on Apple Podcasts, please leave a review. I do love reading them, and if you know somebody who's experiencing this story or something similar, please share this episode with them.

It just might help them figure out the answers to their own. Now, what questions have you recently had? A now what moment and aren't sure what to do? Reach out to me at jessicastevens.ca and submit your story and I'll help you figure out what to do. How to move forward and help you answer now what? See you on the next episode.

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E251: Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Maybe you’ve wondered more specific questions like:

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E235: TINY HABITS: THE SMALL CHANGES THAT CHANGE EVERYTHING

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E212: Tiny Habits, Remarkable Results

When we see massive success, it’s easy to think that these results came from massive action. We feel pressure to make earth-shattering changes and improvements in our lives so that we can reach big goals. 

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E199: Create LIMITLESS Habits

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E174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies

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E248: Confidence Through Consistency [Contagious Confidence Podcast]

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[02:13] Welcome to the Contagious Confidence Podcast 

Katie Hawkes: welcome back to the Contagious Confidence Podcast. I am so pumped about this interview today. I can't wait for you to meet Valerie. I'm already obsessed with her and I know you will be too. And we're talking about one of my favorite topics. But Valerie, I would love to give you a chance to introduce  yourself and say hello to my listeners.

And yeah, whatever you wanna say. 

Valerie: Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I really love the show. I feel like your topics are very unique and also relevant. Like every episode I'm like, oh, I need to know that. Okay, I need to download this one. I need to listen to this one. So I just love binging your show and yeah, thank you so much for having me here.

I am Valerie and I am a Healthy Habit mentor. So what that means is I help women who are making an impact with their healthy habits, and I help them prioritize their health, their wealth, and their happiness. And I do this through what I like to call the tool. Of healthy habits. So, you know, everyone's heard of habits before, but I use them to help you create a life by design versus a life by default.

Because whether we realize it or not, habits are part of our everyday life. And when we're not intentional about the habits, the routines, the rituals that we create, we start to fall into perhaps negative patterns or maybe just mindless habits. And what that brings us to is that life by default. And so that to me, feels.

Boring. It feels challenging. It feels unfulfilling, and I think that women deserve more. I think that people deserve more, and I think that you can create, I believe that you can create a life by design. I. When you create intentional habits, rooted in feeling, when you create routines that really support your health and wellness, when you create the life that you wanna live for, not just yourself, but the people who depend on you.

And so that's in a nutshell what I do.

KH: Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I really love the show. I feel like your topics are very unique and also relevant. Like every episode I'm like, oh, I need to know that. Okay, I need to download this one. I need to listen to this one. So I just love binging your show and yeah, thank you so much for having me here.

I am Valerie and I am a Healthy Habit mentor. So what that means is I help women who are making an impact with their healthy habits, and I help them prioritize their health, their wealth, and their happiness. And I do this through what I like to call the tool. Of healthy habits. So, you know, everyone's heard of habits before, but I use them to help you create a life by design versus a life by default.

Because whether we realize it or not, habits are part of our everyday life. And when we're not intentional about the habits, the routines, the rituals that we create, we start to fall into perhaps negative patterns or maybe just mindless habits. And what that brings us to is that life by default. And so that to me, feels.

Boring. It feels challenging. It feels unfulfilling, and I think that women deserve more. I think that people deserve more, and I think that you can create, I believe that you can create a life by design. I. When you create intentional habits, rooted in feeling, when you create routines that really support your health and wellness, when you create the life that you wanna live for, not just yourself, but the people who depend on you.

And so that's in a nutshell what I do. 

I love that so much. I am like, I feel like we're aligned in so many ways. Like it's, that's so important and I feel like confidence has a lot to do with. Those habits that you're creating. 'cause if you're confident and knowing who you wanna be and who you are, those habit, you'll I be able to identify those habits and really like create the life that you want because, yeah, I feel like so many people are living like their lives by default.

It's just like, okay, well I guess this is it. Like I'll just go through the motions every day and people don't strive for more 'cause they don't. Realize how much more is out there. So I love that you help women do that, and I agree that people deserve more than that. So, yeah. Oh, and speaking of habits, oh, I, one of my favorite topics is consistency.

It's so incredibly important to me and it, but at the same time, it's so hard. So today we're talking about confidence through consistency, and I feel like. It's something that I struggle with sometimes. Like I'm really good for a while and then I might fall off the wagon and just like get back into my old routine and I'm like, ah, I just wanna shake myself.

I'm like, what is wrong with me? But at the same time, it's like we've gotta learn to sell, give to ourselves, grace. 'cause sometimes things will happen. We'll get sick or we will have like a busy. Time in our lives and we just can't prioritize the things that we used to prioritize. So, ugh, I cannot wait to get into this.

[05:53] You Decide Your Future When…

And I feel like the stars have kind of aligned because I have this little desk calendar that my father-in-law got me for Christmas, and on the 26th of May, as I was like preparing for this episode and I sent you everything the quote for. The 26th of May was remember that you decide your future by deciding your habits.

Consistency is the key to success. And I'm like, I think the universe kind of knew we were having this conversation, so they, they made that my desk calendar for Friday, so. I thought that was pretty cool.

VL: That's so cool. I love those synchronicities. And what's so cool and powerful is that you are awake to those things, like you are aware when that happens.

Because the thing is is, and this is a totally different topic, so I won't go too into it, but the thing is, is that when, for example, you create a habit of awareness and intuition and noticing those types of signs, you recognize that they're everywhere all the time, whereas, You might have just gone through the motions, not thinking about it and just been like, oh yeah, that's a good quote.

Skip next day. Yeah. Oh, that's a nice quote too. But you are recognizing how it's now tied to this new relationship that you built and this new connection that we have, and yeah. That's really cool. That's very special

KH: Yeah. Yeah. Super, super neat. So I, I wanted to share that with you 'cause I thought that was pretty cool.

But yeah, you're right. When we start to notice those things and be more aware, it kind of like, it, it's kind of like, it gives me like the goosebumps kind of thinking about it. So. Yeah. Well, so without further ado, let's get into the interview questions that I have for you. So Valerie, how do you define consistency?

[07:29] Lacking Consistency: What’s Wrong with Me?

VL: I'm so glad you asked this question, and I did wanna say something about when you said consistency is hard and what's wrong with me, and straight away, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you if you are not consistent with your new routine or your goals or whatever it is you're trying to create.

And that's really important to remember, and I feel like we'll talk about that a little bit more today when we talk about confidence. But when it comes to my own definition, definition of consistency, I feel like. A lot of people. Build this new habit or this new routine, and they think that they need to do it every single day to be consistent.

And what I like to say is that consistency doesn't have to mean every single day. It means never giving up. So for example, if you want to go to the gym every day, you don't actually go to the gym every single day. You can see the physical results of your workout routine without going to the gym every day.

In fact, when it comes to movement and working out and building muscle and, and being actually physically healthy in your body, the the right coaches will tell you that rest and recovery days are really important for those optimal results. And so if we can just take that step back, give ourselves that grace, like you said, Know that consistency means never giving up.

So maybe it's every other day, maybe it's every Wednesday or every Tuesday, or whatever that looks like for you. Consistency is really defined by what you want consistency to be. For some people, consistency is three times a day. So, for example, if I am drinking water every day, I would like to drink, let's say three liters of water every day.

Well, I can't drink three liters of water in one sitting, so I can create consistency throughout my day to drink the proper correct amount of water for me every single day. So it looks a little different every day, but there's consistency there, right? And I feel like. If you can define what consistency means for you, that's really gonna help you set the standard and, and create the, the goal.

Be more specific with it, right? 

KH: Yeah. Yeah. And I'm so glad that you said that, finding out what consistency means for you. 'cause it does differ from person to person. Like, I'm like, I would struggle with consistency in one area of my life, but like one that I never lacked was going to work out. 'cause that was like important to me.

So I prioritized that and I was consistent with it. And it was very important to me to be consistent with it because I had goals and there were things that I wanted to do. I wanted to get like more upper body strength. So that's why I was able to prioritize it. And it differs from person to person.

Someone might be like, I really wanna work on my business. I really want, like I have these big goals for my business. So like every day, like setting aside 20 minutes just to focus on the business, like that's consistent. You might not be spending eight hours on the business, but just dedicating those 20 minutes every day is so important.

So it really differs from person to person and what your priorities are. So I love, love, love that. And we've kind of touched on it, but I would love for you to talk more about it. Why do you think that a lot of us struggle with consistency?

[10:50] 3 Reasons We Struggle with Consistency

VL: That’s great question because knowing why. You or whomever struggles with consistency can help us overcome the obstacle. So there are a lot of different reasons why we struggle with consistency, and one of the most common ones that I see is because we set our expectations way too high. You always see our go big or go home.

That mindset is one of the biggest killers of consistency. It's more harmful than it is helpful and. What I like to really emphasize with my own clients is that we can take these really small, tiny steps that help us build momentum, consistency, and longevity. Because like we said, consistency doesn't necessarily mean every day, but if there's longevity and momentum and once a week we're doing this new routine.

Well, we're gonna see results over time, and that's really what's gonna build your habit. It's not that you did it one time, it's that you've been doing it over and over again. And the second most common killer of consistency is not having a proper plan in place, because without a plan, you lack direction and you don't know where you're going.

You don't know what steps you need to get there. So then how can you be consistent when you don't have this direction, this plan, And one of the things you mentioned with your workout routine is that you're consistent with it because you prioritize it. And one of the basic things, the foundational things that I teach, when we're creating your action plan for your new habit, your new routine is to start with a feeling.

How do you wanna feel when you're creating that life? By design? How do you wanna feel? And what's so crazy is when you start to build this foundation of feeling, you recognize that, hey, it's not just a workout that helps me feel strong. It's actually making sure that I am drinking enough water and I'm eating the right foods, and my mental health is is really strong as well.

I feel strength in a lot of different areas of my life, not just because I can. Shoulder press 30 pounds over my head. So you really start to recognize that strength shows up in different ways. And guess what? Even though we didn't go to the gym every single day, we still felt strong because we prioritized feeling strong every single day.

And so, That's really the root or the start of your plan, and that's what can help you build that. And then the third reason I feel like people struggle with consistency that I really wanna share is because a lot of people lack discipline. And if you said this to me like maybe six years ago, I would've rolled my eyes maybe longer, I would've rolled my eyes.

I would've just kind of maybe fast forwarded or you know, skipped over this podcast episode. I get it. It used to be me for sure, and I understand that discipline is one of those kind of scary words for a lot of people. However, if you really understand what discipline means, you will see that discipline equals freedom in your life.

And again, you might. You might be thinking, how on earth does discipline equal freedom? But it's because we're building intentional habits and with the right habits and the right plan and discipline for the things that make you feel strong, capable, confident, amazing, refreshed, calm, whatever your word is.

When you have discipline with that feeling, you can create consistency in your life. And what that life is, is now your life by design. And that life could be that life of freedom that you're looking for, that life of confidence, that life of strength, that empowered life. And like, like we mentioned earlier in this episode, if you're just going through the motions, that's living your life by default, and one day you're gonna wake up and think, Hey, how come I don't have options?

How come I don't have freedom? It's because you didn't put that plan in place. And you can do that now, even if you're waking up today and thinking, oh no, I've been doing that for the last however many years of my life. Uhoh, well, guess what? This is your sign. This is your wake up call. This is your, your clue from the universe.

This conversation with Katie and I is. Your wake up call. It's your invitation we'll call it. 

KH: Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I hope everyone feels called out, but, but it called out in a good way. 'cause sometimes it's like you're not, I'm realizing like you're not ready to hear something until you're ready. You can listen to this episode, not even think twice about it.

But if you're in a, like the space and position to like really hear that. It can change your life. So if that totally encourage anyone listening to this, like if it really tugs at your heartstrings, like take action. That's like, that's the biggest thing. 'cause I think, we'll a lot of us will like get really into like self-development and like we get really excited and then we build this, like these habits in our head that we're like, okay, well I'm gonna do this and then I'm gonna do this.

It's not necessarily sustain sustainable. And it's like we try to like go like a hundred percent. We're like, okay, I'm gonna change everything about my life. And it really like, I would love for you to talk about like why it's important to like kind of focus on little areas rather than just trying to like make over your life in one day and try to like.

Keep that consistency. 'cause I think that's when we're not able to create those sustainable habits might work out for a week and then we just kind of fall off. So how can we create more sustainable habits and build consistency?

[16:37] Creating Sustainable Habits to Build More Consistency

VL: Loaded question, but it's a valid question. It's very valid. And truthfully, the key word here is sustainable.

So if you can think of some of the daily routines that you have, that you've been consistent with, and maybe if you're comfortable, Katie, you can share something that you do every day, day without fail, and we can maybe, Kind of dissect that a little bit. Are you into it? Yeah, I'm into it. Yeah. So what's something that you're really proud of that you have going on in your daily life?

What's a routine or a habit that you have?

KH: The first thing that came to my mind was taking my vitamins, taking my like pills in the morning because that was something that I used to really struggle with. Okay. But now I'm like, every single day I take them without fail. 

VL: Amazing. Okay. And this is a pretty, I would say, small habit, but it's part of your larger morning routine.

And I feel like morning routines are where people get really caught up in, there's lots of buzz about morning routines and waking up at 5:00 AM and all these magical things happen when you do all these things in the morning, and it's not very realistic. So there's a couple things that I wanna highlight.

One of them is, is this life overhaul something that you designed or something that someone else designed? Because if you're following a list of. An influencer's habits that you saw. They're like, oh, they have this really cool life, and they do A, B, C every morning. Well, I should do A, B, C every morning, and it takes two hours to do this whole routine, and then you maybe do it one time.

And that's it. And then you're like, oh, that sucked. There's a couple reasons why it may have sucked. One, it's two hours and maybe you don't even have two hours in your day. So now you're not only creating a routine with three new things that you've never done before in your life, but you now have to wake up an additional hour and a half earlier than you normally do.

And that's now gonna adjust your evening routine and the rest of your day. So like, timing is a big, is a big block for a lot of people. The other thing is that those habits, those a, b, C habits, we'll call them, they don't mean anything to you. They don't make you feel your feeling word. They don't make you feel confident, they don't make you feel strong, they don't make you feel calm.

So why are you doing them? Just because someone else is doing them? And then that's going to be a big. Part of your consistency or your sustainability part of me. And when I work with clients, whether that's for the first time or we're stacking on a new habit or building a new habit, I always wanna know what current routines and rituals are working.

Because the things that are working have these clues. You've probably heard success leaves clues. So with your supplement habit, why is it working now? Versus before, why wasn't it working before? What clue can we uncover there?

KH: Amazing. Okay. And this is a pretty, I would say, small habit, but it's part of your larger morning routine.

And I feel like morning routines are where people get really caught up in, there's lots of buzz about morning routines and waking up at 5:00 AM and all these magical things happen when you do all these things in the morning, and it's not very realistic. So there's a couple things that I wanna highlight.

One of them is, is this life overhaul something that you designed or something that someone else designed? Because if you're following a list of. An influencer's habits that you saw. They're like, oh, they have this really cool life, and they do A, B, C every morning. Well, I should do A, B, C every morning, and it takes two hours to do this whole routine, and then you maybe do it one time.

And that's it. And then you're like, oh, that sucked. There's a couple reasons why it may have sucked. One, it's two hours and maybe you don't even have two hours in your day. So now you're not only creating a routine with three new things that you've never done before in your life, but you now have to wake up an additional hour and a half earlier than you normally do.

And that's now gonna adjust your evening routine and the rest of your day. So like, timing is a big, is a big block for a lot of people. The other thing is that those habits, those a, b, C habits, we'll call them, they don't mean anything to you. They don't make you feel your feeling word. They don't make you feel confident, they don't make you feel strong, they don't make you feel calm.

So why are you doing them? Just because someone else is doing them? And then that's going to be a big. Part of your consistency or your sustainability part of me. And when I work with clients, whether that's for the first time or we're stacking on a new habit or building a new habit, I always wanna know what current routines and rituals are working.

Because the things that are working have these clues. You've probably heard success leaves clues. So with your supplement habit, why is it working now? Versus before, why wasn't it working before? What clue can we uncover there?

I think maybe I didn't like have a consistent time that I was taking it at, or like I wasn't able to prioritize it 'cause I wasn't consistent with whatever time I was taking it. I think also, like I didn't see any benefits. Taking it. And I think another thing wa that, sorry, I'm like realizing all the things that weren't working before.

And I think that also it was, I wasn't

thinking about like, The long-term benefits of it. I wasn't seeing the short-term benefits, but I also wasn't like realizing what the long-term benefits would be.

VL: Mm-hmm. When it, when it comes to supplements in particular, and this is. A very fitting pun, or not pun, but example like everyone wants the magic pill, right?

Everyone wants the magic formula that helps them change in instantly, and that's not really how anything works. Unfortunately, we've been told a lot of things that aren't necessarily true. So when it comes to. The habit of taking supplements. Yeah, you're gonna notice something more long-term. And I used to have a pretty consistent supplement routine that has changed over time, but I always said I noticed it more when I didn't take my supplements, and that's actually what really helped me with my consistency with that.

Now for you, you talked about time, and this is another one of those obstacles where we need to really understand the time. So what gets measured is what gets moved or what gets time blocked is what gets done. And so, What's cool about your supplements is that they come in, let's say there's a, a jar of 60 of them, and within 60 days you are done.

So you've actually measured how many supplements or how many days you've done this based off of how many supplements you have left. And so it's already automatically being measured. The other thing is that I said is that what gets in your, what you put in your calendar is what gets done or what gets put in your, your It gets time blocked.

Pardon me? So if you actually say, I'm gonna take my supplements every morning right after I make myself a cup of coffee, then you will know that when you are drinking your coffee, you're also taking your supplements. Because this is the other thing. Maybe your morning beverage, your tea, your coffee, or water, whatever it is, maybe that's already consistent and then you can build on that.

Whereas if you just say, yeah, I'd like to take supplements every day. Okay, when are you gonna take them? Oh, well, I don't know. And then all of a sudden the day goes by and you go, oh, I didn't take my supplements. Oh, I'm not supposed to take them right before bed. Ooh, I didn't plan this. And so you start to see, you start to observe.

The different things that are not working in your routine. So like I said, if you can see the success you have with other behaviors and systems in your life, it'll tell you so much about what works for you. And I wanna emphasize, again, it's you. It's not me, it's not the influencer I. It's not the coworker you see every day, it's you.

And so one of the ways you can build those sustainable habits is to start with what's already working, whether that's the priority that you've now set, whether that's knowing that okay, the long-term goal is there, or whether that's the existing routine that you can stack this new habit on.

KH: Oh, that's so good.

There's so many things that are like popping in my head. I was like, oh, I wanna talk about this. I wanna talk about this. So. So I can like make sure I stay on the path that I'm wanting to go on. I would love for you to talk a little bit more about like why. A lot of us, you said something like the magic pill, like we want like instant results.

'cause I think we live in a time where we get instant gratification. So we have a question, we Google it, it gives us the answer. Or we see all of these, like people like having, they're like overnight successes. But what we don't see is like the behind the scenes, the struggles. Like we just see like, oh, they start.

They started here and now they're here. We don't like, a lot of us want that like instant result and when. I was telling you like I didn't see the long-term benefits and I love that you said when you were had your supplement routine, you were like, the days that you didn't take it was when you like noticed the benefit of how you were feeling.

So I would love for you to talk about like why it's important for us to kind of like reconfigure our brains when it comes to thinking about that instant gratification and why consistency is so, so important. To like having those long-term results. 

[24:07] Transformation comes from Longevity in a Growth Mindset

VL: Yeah. I mean, this is the thing when you recognize that living a life by design is not a one time, we set up our design, this is our life, this is what's happening.

The real longevity, the real change, the real transformation comes when you never stop improving. Because if you have a growth mindset, you are recognizing that every day is an opportunity. Every conversation is an opportunity. Every new person you meet, every new course you take every, like I said, every single day, there's this opportunity for growth to be better.

If, if I ask my 16 year old self, what do you wanna be when you grow up? I probably would've told you I wanted to be a civil engineer or a fashion designer, or what else did I wanna be in high school? I wanted to be, ugh, just so many different things that I'm not now, basically. So I'm 32 now, and I don't wanna be a civil engineer or a fashion designer, even though I like clothes and I appreciate good roads, construction, and bridges.

I don't wanna do those things anymore. And. That's something that we have to recognize is that change is really the only constant in our lives. I'm sure that at one point you're not gonna be taking the supplements that you're taking. Does that mean you shouldn't take the supplements today? No. It means that this is where you're at in your life right now.

This is the, the life design that you've created. This is what you body needs in this moment. Maybe a year from now, you'll take a different supplement or you'll try something new that's gonna support your body, because again, it comes down to that foundational feeling. It's not really the action. It's not really the behavior.

The behavior and the actions they bring us to that feeling, because that's where the magic happens, is when we're in action. And yes, we can find these tools that support us through that feeling. Now, unfortunately, or fortunately, Social media, the internet, this society that we live in, they've really created this environment for us that is instant gratification.

And they're doing this because everybody wants our attention all the time. So much so that we now have these shorter attention spans. So every single day there's a new ad, there's a new video, there's a new something that's grabbing your attention and the. Especially the social media apps, they know exactly how to get you to make a habit out of checking your Instagram, checking your TikTok, whatever.

Whatever you're on right now. That's because they understand the habit loop. They know that there is a cue, a craving, a response, and a reward. So the cue is your notification. Oh, you got a notification. That's your cue to now open your Instagram app. The craving is that you wanna see what's on Instagram.

You wanna see the cool life that people are living. You wanna see the travel. You wanna see the cute little puppies that make you laugh every day. You want those things you crave. That dopamine. Then the response is the habit. I check my Instagram. That's the actual motion and the reward is that dopamine hit.

Now we want this every single day, not every single day, but throughout the day, every single day. And rewiring your brain is, it can be very challenging, and this is why consistency can be very challenging when we are already. Stuck in these old habits or these current habits that we have. And like I said, the internet, our technology, it knows exactly how to hook us.

It knows exactly how to keep us coming back. It does this on purpose. Even the design to refresh your feed on Instagram, that pull down design is actually because of. The, the same as when you're at a casino and you pull the lever to, to cycle through. I don't even know, I don't gamble, but you know, those numbers on the, on the, the casino, the slot machine is what I'm trying to say.

So again, they know human behavior. They understand that. And so really what I, you know, you could say, what I do is I, I try to hack those things. I try to hack that behavior. And I do it in a way that's supportive to you. I'm not saying don't go on Instagram. That's how I connected with you, Katie. Come on.

We can't, we can't not, we can't not have these things in our life, but we can create boundaries. We can start our day not checking our phone and having those slow dopamine mornings where we're not. Getting hit with dopamine right away and then all of a sudden wanting it and craving it throughout the day.

So a habit that I'm currently working on is I don't check my phone for an hour in the morning. I don't go on technology for one hour. This is really challenging for me 'cause I'm already stuck in that habit loop of checking my phone, checking my emails, whatever it is. And so, When I'm consistent with this, I notice that I go on my phone so much less throughout the day just because I didn't start the day with that.

And, you know, I do other things. I kind of distract myself in the beginning. I unload the dishwasher, I make breakfast. I, I write pen to paper, what I wanna work on today. I go for a walk. I water the flowers. I literally do anything except look at a screen and. I've built a morning routine to help me do that and out of the, the fact or the priority that I didn't wanna be on my phone.

So the sustainability. Am I answering your question so far? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Should I keep going? This is a big, this is a big question. So, In terms of creating sustainable habits that build consistency, I feel like they really go hand in hand when it comes to consistency and sustainability. It's like, okay, well something that's sustainable is more likely to be more consistent.

A small habit is more likely to be repeated because it was easy to do. Right. It's not hard to check your Instagram. That's why people do it so much. It's so easy. So how can you make your habit easier? One of the examples that I share I had a client who wants to read more books and I said, okay, start with two pages a day.

And she went no, I don't wanna do that. And I'm like, okay, when did you buy this book? She said she bought it 30 days ago, and I'm like, okay, so you could have been on page 60, but you're not because you didn't start with something small. And she thinks it's insignificant. She thinks it's meaningless. And I get that two pages.

What's the point? The thing is, is that more often than not, you're gonna read more than two pages that day. However, there are gonna be some days where you only read two pages, and that's okay. That's enough. The minimum, the bare minimum is enough because that's what's sustainable. If you say, I wanna read a chapter a day and you're not doing it, that's not sustainable.

Time to pair back. And one of the things that I really like to encourage people when they're starting something new is that you're in this experimentation phase. Like have fun, be flexible, try things on, try things out. Do you wanna take your supplement? Sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll start this. Do you My phone's on do not disturb.

How did this happen? That shouldn't happen. Okay. Do you wanna take your supplements? At nighttime, then keep your supplements beside your bed. If you wanna take your supplements in the morning with your breakfast, then keep your supplements in the kitchen so you can find all these different ways, like see what works, try things on experiment, as I said.

And I think that's really gonna help you with the sustainability as well as the consistency. And then in terms of that rewiring, you know, it, it takes time. I, I don't know what else to say other than it does take time and unfortunately, Those magic pill ideas are out there because that's what grabs our attention.

That's the craving and the cue that we want. That's a reward that we're searching for. So how can you make your new habits more rewarding? How can you make them more enticing? How can you make them more easy to do? Tho. And how can you make them more obvious to do, right? Like literally put your supplements in front of your face.

When you wake up in the morning, you're going to take them or you're gonna see them. But if they're tucked away in a drawer, it's not gonna be happening. So that was long-winded, but hope that answered your question. 

KH: Yes, it definitely answered my question. And there were so many things that you touched on.

I was like, yes, yes, yes. One thing that you've mentioned a couple times that I would love for you talk to talk more about is the feeling, like having that feeling because I think a lot of people either like have the feeling but not don't know how to create habits that can support that, or they don't think they have the feeling.

Or they don't like, recognize that they have this feeling that they wanna change things. So can you talk more about the feeling to create a more like dream life for yourself or, yeah. Like, Or I guess like the pain, the feeling of like the pain point. Like, Ugh, why do I keep doing this? I'd love for you to talk more about that.

[33:06] Feeling of the Pain Point

VL: Ooh. The feeling of the pain point. You got some great questions here today. Okay. So like I said, the feeling is pretty much the foundation of what I teach people. This is like my bread and butter. Okay. So we'll say it like that. The feeling is so important and we always start with feeling how do you want to feel?

Now, sometimes people come to me and they go, Val, I don't know how I wanna feel, and that's okay. So something you can do to help you understand how you wanna feel is you can ask yourself, how do you not wanna feel and write out all of the things that you don't wanna feel anymore? Maybe it's frustrated, maybe tired.

Maybe it's sad, maybe it's annoyed, maybe it's angry, maybe. You know what I mean? There's so many things. You can write this whole list and then go through that list, and what's the opposite word for you? Because what's interesting when we start to do this, especially when I do my group coaching work, is that we might have a few people in the group that have the same word, maybe they both have confidence as their word.

And for me, confidence means being comfortable in my own skin. It means being able to show up as whoever I am today, whoever I feel like today. Sometimes I'm a hundred percent and 10% energetic and ex inspired and I'm ready and sometimes I'm only 90%, but I still show up and that to me is confidence. Now, the person next to me in the group might say, oh, for me, confidence is wearing whatever I want on.

My body is feeling good in the clothes that I wear. And I could say, oh yeah, that, that would make me feel confident too, if I'm wearing something good. But it's a different definition. And so this is why one of the, this is why the feeling word is so important is because it's not only how you wanna feel, but what that feeling means for you.

You've written out your list of how you don't wanna feel. You've thought of some words of the opposite of that, and then maybe you can choose from there. Now, let's say you tried that. You're still not resonating with a word. You know, you're like, oh, you know, those are okay. Happy, yeah, confident. Okay, I need something more.

I need more Z. So another practice you can do is you can do a visualization or a meditation, you know, close your eyes. Imagine yourself lying your head down at night. Thinking of your most perfect day. You just had the best day ever. It was so incredible. For all of these reasons, go through the day. What did you eat?

How did you wake up? What did you wear? Who did you see? Who did you interact with? What did you, what did you do all day? And as you start to, you know, design this dream day for yourself, what are some of the things that you felt throughout that day? And maybe you come up with one or two feeling words that really inspire you or motivate you in that moment.

And the other thing I wanna mention is that the feeling word doesn't have to be the word for the rest of your life. Some people want their feeling word today. Some people want their feeling word for this week, for this month, for this year, whatever. Maybe I have two feeling words. I have purpose, joyful and strong right now.

Now that changes sometimes, and that's okay. But those are the three main ones that I'm kind of focusing on. I would say today, purposeful is more of the word that I wanna connect to based off of how I woke up this morning, I. How I would like to continue to stay. And then you said pain point. Okay. So you've got the foundation of your feeling word, but those pain points, can you be a little bit more specific in like, maybe as an example of a pain point or what's the, what's the struggle here?

KH:  so I remember a couple years ago, I was so annoyed with myself that I was tired all the time and I was like, Why am I tired all the time? And then I started thinking about it. I was like, well, I don't have a consistent bedtime. Or I, I also don't like set my alarm, so I'm like going to bed when I feel like it and waking up when I feel like it.

And that there was no consistency in that. And so I was having the pain point of being like, well, why am I still tired if I don't set my bedtime and I don't set my wake up time? And so that was like the pain point that led me to start setting alarm for the mornings and then, Making sure I was in bed by 9:45 every night.

I didn't have to be asleep. But I wanted to be in bed. 

[37:26] Addicted to the Bad Habits

VL: Yeah. That's great. That's great. And it, I think it goes back to a lot of that awareness. So like, clearly you're very good at this. You're very good at bringing awareness to your environment, to yourself, to how you feel, to what you wanna feel.

And unfortunately, when we don't have that growth mindset, when we don't cultivate that awareness, what happens is we're going through the motions. We're living the life by default, and unfortunately, we're addicted to bad habits in our lives. Things like complaining, we don't really wanna change, we just wanna complain about how upset we are about our lives.

And unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are stuck in this mindset and there's good news and bad news with that. The good news is, is that they can definitely change. I've seen a lot of transformation in my life. The not so great news is that it's gonna only be up to them. So maybe you have someone in your life that you're thinking of who's always complaining the best thing that you can do.

Is focus on yourself. So if we can bring awareness to how we feel to our day, and I do this with my group coaching and my one-on-one coaching clients, I, we do habit audit. So when we first work together, we go through all of your routines, we go through all of your habits and all. It's very telling. It's very telling.

I know exactly what your future's gonna be like when I know your habits. I joke that this is my crystal ball, but it's really just a habit audit. And I think that's a really big wake up call for a lot of people. 'cause you can say, I'm gonna complain every single day about not feeling energetic. I'm complaining about feeling tired every day, and I can feel like this for the rest of my life or for the next year or five years if I continue to do this.

But if I make one small change to help me go to bed earlier and wake up at a at a more consistent time, and if that's 9 45 in bed, It doesn't matter what you're doing, you're in your bed, then that is gonna help you create consistency with your bedtime routine. And over time it's gonna help you have a better quality sleep, which is going to give you more energy so you're not waking up tired.

And there are so many ways that that specific habit expands quality. Sleep is like one of my favorite habits for myself. And also to, to encourage people to cultivate because it. Multiplies that habit starts to move into the energy that you have to now make healthier choices like going to the gym or grabbing a high protein snack versus a high sugar snack, and all of these different things then start to working together.

When you work out more, you drink more water. When you drink more water, you have better digestion. When you have better digestion, you probably sleep better too. And then it's like this cycle and this, this expansion in your life. And so when you see those people who have said, this is my two hour morning routine, it's changed my life.

Well, guess what? They probably only started with one thing that then either multiplied into two pages a day, turned into 10 pages, turned into one chapter, or that habit then multiplied or it either grew. Or multiplied to other areas of their life, and now they have this incredible morning routine that they've lived this life by design, so, Don't beat yourself up and you're like, oh my God, I'm so tired.

Why am I so tired? That's a question. Get curious. Bring awareness to your situation. Why are you feeling tired? I have an aura ring, which tells me all about my sleep score. Tells me about my readiness and my activity score. My aura ring knows that on Tuesdays and Thursdays I get up really early and not in a good way.

I teach at my Pilate studio at 7:00 AM and. Some people might think, oh, 7:00 AM that's late in the day. It's really early for my body and my, my AA ring knows that, and I know that Tuesdays and Thursdays are tougher days for me. And so even though I love my clients, I love my schedule. I love how I've set this up.

I am very, I have, I. Really strong boundaries around my Monday and Wednesday nights of when I have to be in bed, I make sure that my clothes are out in the morning so that I can sleep into the very last minute before having to get up that early, because I've brought awareness to that. So instead of complaining about, oh, I'm so tired on Tuesday, I set myself up for success in the best way.

And that's because I have this awareness around it. Just like, just like you shared. And it's super powerful. 

KH: Yeah. And you've gotta be committed to that awareness. 'cause I, I love that you said people just are okay with complaining and I like it. I feel myself or I find myself complaining and then I'm like, okay, I have to take action to change this.

'cause I'm like, I'm getting sick of myself complaining. So yeah. That's, that's so important. And I think even for people that are like allergic to structure or routine That can even be like a telling sign like that something in your life has gotta change. Mm-hmm. Like even doing one small thing can change the way that you're feeling.

So I, ugh. I love this conversation so much. And time is flying by too. So. I would love to ask you a couple more questions before we wrap up, but how can consistency help us with our mental health? Because I think that is like such, such a like motivation to start creating more consistency in our life because it can do wonders for our mental health.

[42:44] Consistency for Mental Health

VL: Yeah, mental health habits are like some of the most powerful tools or powerful practices that you can have because like I said, it's that ripple effect into other areas of your life. Like I am a differ person when I meditate consistently. So when it comes to mental health, I like to talk about the. You may have heard of this or talk about this, the mental health toolkit.

So we all have different types of toolkits. And I'm not talking about the ones with the hammer and the Phillips head screwdriver them, even though you might have those too. But I'm real referring to that mental health toolkit with the habits and the practices like meditation, mindfulness. Breath work, movement, therapy, supportive friends, community, like there are probably so many different tapping.

I know people are really into tapping right now, certain podcasts that they like to listen to, like they all can support your mental health, and I know that I can speak for myself when I say that. My mental health is most balanced and most manageable when I have a few key habits that I'm consistent with, and one of those is definitely quality sleep at night.

Also, moving my body when I have those two things when I have quality sleep and movement. My life and my routines and my energy, my mental health baseline is great. Anything else? A meditation, a couple mindful breaths. All of that is just extra supportive for me in that time of my life or in that season of my life.

I pull from that mental health toolkit as I need to. So everyone's got their baseline, what helps them, what supports them every day, and then what are the other things that we can kind of layer into that? So what I like to say is that, you know, just like the seasons of life, There are gonna be seasons of change, seasons of highs and lows in your life.

And so you might not need every single tool in your toolkit at one time, but if you know that you have these things and you have that consistent baseline, then you'll be able to layer on when you know, maybe there's an anniversary that is really challenging for your heart. And so, you know, in those times of grief, you can.

Incorporate more meditation or you can spend more time with, with supportive friends who really hold space for you. Or maybe you say, Hey, can we do two therapy sessions this week instead of just the the regular one? And I think really, I. Understanding that, again, it doesn't have to mean every single day.

You don't need to see your therapist every single day. You can still get support, you can still do mindful breathing. You can still do all of these other things that help you with your mental health and help you feel consistent in the way that makes the most sense to you. And, and what's really cool about consistency is that.

It gets easier as you start to see the progress. So when you start to see the results, that becomes the craving of wanting more. I wanna breathe more, I wanna slow down more, I wanna meditate more. Because you're getting the, you're getting the results. And one of the things I really like to encourage, it seems very, you know, habits one-on-one is track your habit.

So if, if it's meditate, like. I'm just gonna use mental health in general so we can use any tool. Your goal for the month is mental health. You're gonna focus on one thing a day. You have your toolkit. So on day one, maybe today it's meditation day two, it's breath work. Day three, you have therapy. Day four, you see your friends, and then you are now creating consistency.

Even though you've done something different every single day or every week, you did something a little different, but it was with the intention. For your mental health and for the people who, like you said, I like that. Allergic to structure, that was me. What you need to recognize is that habits are part of our life, whether you realize it or not, whether you wanna.

Create that discipline, that structure their routine or not. And I think a lot of people get stuck with thinking, oh, habits have to be the same every day. I have to do this boring stuff every single day, blah, blah, blah. No, you don't. And trust me, what I say, I would never want you to do that. I never want you to live the same day over and over again.

That's not what this is about. It's about intention. It's about creating your life by design. It's about feeling good in your body. It's about being able to show up as the best version of you that day. The best version of you isn't the most perfect version of you. It's just the best version of you today.

And so the habits that I like to cultivate with my clients in my, in my coaching programs is what's the freedom we can create? What question can we ask ourself every day? I. To help us get to where we wanna be. It's not necessarily the routine. Great. The routine is helpful, but how do I wanna feel this morning?

So today I don't have a ton of things going on in my calendar. I've got this podcast episode, which I'm very excited for, and then I have a bunch of like administrative work, you know, that I've been pushing off. But I should probably do 'cause I have the time today. And so today when I woke up, I'm like, how do I wanna feel?

I wanna feel purposeful. I wanna feel like I have made an impact in somebody's life. Whoever's listening to this episode today, I wanna show up as the best version I can today. I told Katie before we recorded, I'm not feeling 110%, but I'm giving you my, all right, now, I'm giving you all that I have right now.

And I've purposefully only scheduled this in my calendar because, I did sort of know that my energy is limited at this time, and so I'm really being mindful about where I'm putting my energy and who I'm spending my time with. And so this, again, is that boundary. It's that awareness, it's that intention and that feeling behind what we're doing.

I don't have a podcast episode with you tomorrow. That doesn't mean that I can't feel purposeful or find purpose in the day, or, or, or help someone find their purpose. And so again, like it's just, Rewriting the definitions, rewriting the script, bringing awareness to where you're at, and then building on from there.

KH: Mm-hmm. Oh, that's so good. And it, I think that ties perfectly into confidence because we decide we're in control of our actions and our thoughts, like no one else is telling us what to do. We are the ones that decide. So my last question for you is how can consistency help us with confidence? I know we've kind of touched on it throughout this interview, but I'd love for you to just talk about confidence and consistency and why they're important.

[49:27] Consistency in Confidence + Why It’s Important

VL: Definitely. So I like to describe confidence as a muscle, and I know people are like, wait, what? So. Basically what this means is that confidence is just not something that you take the magic pill for, or you wake up one day, you're feeling confident. It's because. It's something we need to train. It's something we need to strengthen, and we need to take courageous action to build our confidence.

Now again, confidence looks different to each of us. We all have our own definition of it. We all feel confident in different environments, in different clothing, in different settings, around different people, and so on and so forth. So if we wanna see results with our confidence, if we want to have more confidence, In ourselves, in our work, in our relationships, we need to practice it consistently.

One of the things that I started this year was, I have my own podcast, but I would love to be a guest on other people's podcasts. That freaked me out. Can you believe it? That scared me. And so what I did was I did a little research and I looked at all these different podcasts where I thought, Hmm, I really love this guest.

I love their their voice. I love how they share. I love their mission and their vision for their podcast. And I would write, I would write it down or I'd save it, and then I'd download some episodes and then over time, I started listening to more and more podcast episodes. I started researching more of the, the hosts of the show, and eventually I mustered up the courage and the confidence through, you know, for me, what helped me was doing the research in advance to then ask all these different guests or all these different hosts part of me so that I could be a guest on their show.

And Katie, you are one of those people that I found that I was like, oh, this would be such a great fit in my opinion. Now, this was really scary for me because I haven't really done this. If I'm on a podcast, it's usually someone found me and they're asking me, which is like delightful, and I feel so nice about that.

But this was a leap out of my comfort zone and I. Because I actually did this every single week for like weeks on end. As I was finding more podcast episodes and podcasts hosts to connect with, I was building that confidence. And now if you're like, oh, I think you'd be great for this podcast, Val, you should reach out to so-and-so, I'd be like, yeah, for sure.

Let's do it. I'm not afraid of doing that anymore at all. In fact, it excites me, but a few months ago, I was terrified. Like I was probably just like shaking, typing out that DMM too. Yeah, but it's because I was consistent with that. That specific behavior of, you know, building my confidence of asking, and not everybody said, yes, I've actually got ghosted by a lot of people.

Maybe I should circle back to those. But I'm not afraid to circle back and say, Hey, I wanted to let you know that, you know, I listened to this episode, or whatever it is, right? Whatever the conversation is, you've gotta put yourself out there and you've gotta be, you know, you've gotta be ready for the nos, for the maybes, for the yeses, for the, the yeses are scary too.

A lot of people are afraid of failure, but really success is scary too. So, yeah, I would just say, Consistency is important with your confidence because your confidence is a muscle and you've gotta build it, you've gotta practice it. And as you've said numerous times today, it's all about taking action.

And really in terms of confidence, it's that courageous action. What would make you feel confident? Do that. Do that small thing as often as you can.

KH: Ugh, so good. So good. Well, I think that is a great way to end this interview. I just thank you for giving me what you had today. I know some, some days it's tough, but I really appreciate you showing up and being pur purposeful and intentional with our conversation.

And I can't, I could keep talking to you, but I know that we both are like, we've got some things to do today. So, but I, I really appreciate it and. I just wanna thank you for what you do and helping people create more sustainable habits in their lives and really become the most confident version of them themselves.

'cause it differs from person to person. So I think this is gonna be a great interview for everyone to listen to and I hope everyone has enjoyed it. But before we close out, I would love to give you an opportunity to share where people can find you if they wanna work with you or follow you. 'cause I like instantly have followed you on all the platforms.

VL: Thank you so much. This has been so great and I want to mirror what you said. I really appreciate all the things that you do, how you show up, how you are. This incredible podcast host and soon to be the most incredible Mama. I'm so excited for you. And yeah, so you can find me. I'm on YouTube, Instagram's.

Sometimes on TikTok, it's @vallavignelife, and I'm very transparent online, so you can pretty much find me there. My website is valerie levine life.com. I love to say hello. I love to know what you're working on. If you found this podcast episode helpful, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Maybe what you took away or what you're gonna take courageous action on.

Just have a conversation. I don't bite. I'm in the dms. 

KH: So, and you also have a podcast, right? 

VL: Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have a podcast. It's, it's all there too. So my podcast is called Women's Empowerment Podcast, and you can either listen to it on Spotify and Apple, or you can watch the show Now, that's new on YouTube.

KH: Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have a podcast. It's, it's all there too. So my podcast is called Women's Empowerment Podcast, and you can either listen to it on Spotify and Apple, or you can watch the show Now, that's new on YouTube.

So, mm-hmm. 

Very cool. Well, thank you Valerie. I appreciate it and I, I'm so glad that we've connected and I'm glad that you courageously reached out to me and now we have a great relationship to go. So I really appreciate you and I love this interview so much. So thanks everyone for listening. If you love this episode, please share it.

And if you wanna hear from more incredible guests, just like Valerie, please take a few minutes to rate this podcast, write a review and subscribe, and I'll see you in the next one.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E247: Empowering the Intersection Between Personal Branding and Self-Care with Christine Lieu

Christine Lieu is the expert behind CL Designs and the Brand Party Podcast. She's a graphic designer who's traded in climbing the corporate ladder for climbing mountains around the world. Christine helps purpose-driven businesses create cohesive branding, web design, and social content to drive your impact and sales. As featured in Top 10 Canada Design, the Brand Party Podcast delivers fun, honest, to-the-point advice that you can implement RIGHT AWAY in your entrepreneurial journey…

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Please join me in welcoming Christine to the show. Christine, thank you so much for coming here today. I'm so excited to be chatting with you. 

Christine Lieu: Thank you so much, Valerie, for having me. I'm so excited to dive in too. 

[00:55] Get to Know Christine

VL: Since you're a new guest of the show, I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, and who you serve. 

CL: Thank you so much again for having me and for all the listeners tuning in as well. I'm excited to hopefully learn more about each other throughout this process and as well, I am the founder of CL Designs, where I help purpose driven businesses and nonprofits with cohesive branding, website design.

Marketing collateral to really help you increase your impact in your sales. And then also, just like Valerie here, I also have a podcast called Brand Party. So if you're looking for free, fun, honest, and actionable tips that you can implement right away in your entrepreneurial journey, then definitely come celebrate over there too.

VL: I love that. And you have such fun, like I really see your branding through everything that you do. You have such a fun brand. It's so bright, it's so colorful. I love how you talk about your email list is the after party, like just so creative and so clever and I love that about you. I love that's what you bring to everything you do.

Is this brightness, even, you're wearing this beautiful top right now. Is it a, is it a blazer? Is it a shirt? What are we wearing? 

CL: Yeah, it's kind of like a blazer jacket situation, but it was just like a fun thrift find the other weekend. So I was like, we're here to welcome some spring energy.

[02:13] Intersection Between Personal Branding/Design and Wellness/Self-Care

VL: I'm so glad. You really embody your brand and you really embody the messages that you share.  I just really wanted to, to highlight that about you and really when it comes to design and personal branding and, putting yourself out there as not only a business owner, but I think a lot of people don't realize that.

They are a brand, even if you're not a CEO or an entrepreneur. I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit about how you think personal branding or design really intersects with wellness and self-care?

CL: I truly believe that that creativity that bridges the gap between those two elements are really at the forefront.

But it also comes from taking care of yourself ultimately, because with so much content and creativity constantly coming out there, it's. Really burning a lot of folks out, including myself, and I am not the first one to admit that I'm sure as well. And so if you're feeling that way, like you're really not alone in so many ways.

And so I like to preface with that also, but I. By being able to tap into your vision and your purpose and your intentions, um, especially on like the personal side of your values ultimately, and then being able to translate that into your wellness practices, your life ultimately, and then into your business.

You just show up in such a different way. I feel like as well, you really take up that space and that ownership of how you want to be able to show up in the world for not only yourself, but for other people that you're serving equally as much. And so I know that if you're a business owner out there, you do wanna help people and you're creating change and making a difference in the world.

And that's a lot to bear. As well. So being able to come back to that wellness piece and those purpose and intentions that you, that are so important to you, that's really gonna hold all the pieces together. Ultimately.

VL: Oh my goodness. You said so many great things and I feel like as you were describing this sense of self and self-care and  this ideal  Feeling that we wanna connect to and that we wanna embody.

And my first question is, where do we start?  How do we know what we want? How do we get into that loaded question? How do we get, how do we connect to those core values? How do we figure out what that beginning point is?

[04:30] Connecting to Core Values

CL: It's so funny because it's often the simplest. Sounding of questions that are the most deepest and sometimes scariest as well to kind of admit and to dive into.

And so I always say I run a brand party challenge a few times a year, and that's where we uncover and community together to identify like core values, color palettes, and mood boards as well, to really bring that vision to life from a more executional level. But, From that sense too, I think it's always important to come back to humanizing brands, especially because that's what really connects people as well, like that relatability and to really have those characteristics and intentions in mind very clearly.

And having that clear direction will help you in so many ways to save time and reclaim a lot of capacity in your day to day ultimately too. And so for me, it always comes back to asking clients, especially of how. If your brand was your best friend, for example, how would you describe them? So it really helps humanize it, but it also comes back to maybe you have like three to five characteristics that you wanna really embody.

So especially if you are an entrepreneur, you might have a lot of overlap that is very specific to you as a solopreneur, for example. Or if you have a larger team really thinking about the culture that you wanna cultivate ultimately as well. And what are some of those characteristics that you want people to perceive?

Because it's this double-sided coin, I feel like sometimes where. Yes, it is about what you offer and what you do and how you're serving people, but also equally, maybe, sometimes even more, that it's about who you're actually serving and really getting into the nitty gritty of who they are ultimately, so that it actually reflects and is resonating with those people.

VL: Oh my goodness. So again, so much. 

It's so true.  I love what you said about describing your business as your best friend, and I feel like this is where a lot of people get stuck, is they're describing their business as themselves. And not to say that even for myself, I. Am the face of my business and my podcast.

However, it's not just about me. And so it's, it makes more sense. Like right away I was like, oh, yes, it makes way more sense for me , to describe my business as my best friend and not as myself. 'cause even though I am in my business a lot, and you see me in my business, and like I said, I'm the face of the podcast, the business, it's.

Not me, it's my business. Right. And so then, oh my goodness, I'm just having this aha moment here. You've really taken me through a loop. But what's cool about that is , it's a little tiny reframe of the question and it's already inspired so many other different things for me and for my brand.

And then I love that you're asking the right questions and you're getting into the creativity and the dreamscape of it, whereas , you don't actually have to have anything tangible right here and now, but what's the idea behind it? Where's the soul? Telling you to go or what's the bigger picture vision?

[07:29] Questions, Journal Prompts, Tools to Help Us Understand Our Big-Picture Branding

VL: And then you have the tools and you have the expertise to take people there, but what are some other kind of questions or maybe journal prompts or something that can really help us understand that bigger vision for our branding? 

CL: Yeah. By having these prompts, like you're saying too, it really gives you that space to just have grace for yourself and.

Some permission and perspective as well, right? And so that's a lot of the beauty behind that. You as a human first is very multifaceted. It's very multi-passionate, I'm sure as well. And so it's okay if your brand involves with you. That's like a really beautiful thing to take it on a journey. And that as you grow, your clients will evolve with you equally as much as well.

And so, As you've just said so beautifully Valerie, like it doesn't have to be that set in zone thing that you get bored of five, 10 years down the road and have to stick with it. Like you get to choose at the end of the day. So for me, I'm such a big fan of brain dumping a lot of things as well because there's just so much clutter that goes on in our head and sometimes.

Just even translating that onto paper is so powerful in so many ways to be able to relinquish a lot of that control and to try to make sense of things that might feel illogical at the time as well. And. Sometimes just sitting with yourself and then asking yourself, what is it that you really want? Or what is it that is in your dream day or dream life?

I think being able to reflect on what is that more lifestyle business versus your traditional way of thinking may be something that you may not be used to, but I found have been really incredibly helpful in a lot of ways, especially when society's telling you to be like a money making machine all the time, and having that as your main.

Driver of decisions, which doesn't always feel good. Of course we need to pay our bills, so I acknowledge that. But it's important to come back to what do you really want in life and why are you doing it? So I think two key questions. It was really, why are you doing it in the first place? Because if you're not growing or you're not, Enjoying it ultimately, then why are you doing it?

And then the second piece really looking at what is that dream life or business that you want to create regardless of judgment from yourself, from others, from, you know, wherever that might be coming from ultimately too. Hmm.

VL: So good. And I love that you said take some time to reflect on it because.

Sometimes the answer just doesn't pop into your head right away. And even though some prompts are sparking that inspiration instantly, others you might need to take time with. Because I think you're right. I think there's a lot of pressure to be a machine and to be always moving, always working. And when we come back to the human part of it, we come back to.

The innate nature of humans and the world. There are seasons, there are cycles to things, and it's, we're not always in bloom. And we can think of the seasons as that same sort of cyclical pattern. And you know, the flowers are not always blooming. There's that time for rest. There's that time for rejuvenation.

There's that time for decomposing and letting go of what. Isn't serving anymore. Isn't working anymore, and making space for that new. So I love that you keep coming back to that. Now, part of me is thinking, what if someone doesn't feel creative? You know, they have, they have parts of the vision. They might have a few key key words or maybe key points, but they have no background in design.

They have no idea how to make it “look good”. What would you say to them or how do you support them through that? 

[11:08] How Christine Supports her Client’s Branding Vision

CL: There's probably three key pieces that I would come back to when you're feeling this way. So one of them is acknowledging what type of creativity block you might be experiencing.

And then the second one is to be able to allow room to play. And then also the third piece being. To be solutions or discipline oriented as well. Of course, it's not so sexy to hear necessarily, but it's the tough love, I guess, in me to be able to share that and having experienced these things as well on the other side of it.

And so coming back to the first piece of having some clarity around what type of creative block you might be experiencing, really looking at. Is it a mental block that you might be having? Is it a mindset thing that you need to reframe as you've talked about too, because it makes such a difference to be able to.

Have that positivity around. It's not always a daily thing that happens when you wake up. So it's like, how can you have these supportive things, even in micro doses to be able to support that. So even if it's like affirmation cards or like affirmations that you say in the morning to really set the tone for your day, I find really helpful.

And also a second piece around maybe it's like an emotional creative block that you're experiencing. So, As you're mentioning too, with different cycles and seasons in your life, your business, it's, it's hard sometimes and that's okay. So be able to decompose for a little bit if you need to, and re-pot that soil and so that you are able to grow and bloom from these experiences as well.

And to just ultimately feel the feels that that's what you're experiencing and to maybe find a friend if you need support in that way to be able to vent or to just hold space for you is really. Nice. And then also thinking about if there is some sort of perhaps just other things that are holding you back from really.

Cultivating these creative things because I truly believe everybody's creative in their own way. It doesn't necessarily need to be traditionally like through arts or design in that way. Of course, I come from that world, but even if you try a new recipe in your day-to-day or you end up like making a really fun craft for your kids' you know bake sale or something like that.

Like those are all valid and still creative as well. So know that you have those in you already. And it's just like enhancing these skillsets as well. And so coming back to that second piece of really having room to play, That will really help foster that creativity and that innate skillset whenever you do need to tap back into it.

So it's a lot easier to come back to as well. And there's so many tools out there that you can play around with nowadays that help make things easier, whether you're trying to create things for a launch last minute. So we've all been there. Then, you know, Canva's a great school at least in your back pocket.

So having things in your toolkit, I like to say is really helpful so that you have those no fail resources when it does come down to crunch time. And then the third piece being to having discipline to be able to. Tap into that creativity equally as much because some days are just hard or you know, you wake up to 4:00 AM fire alarms and stuff like that, and you still have to show up in the world and to get things done, especially when clients rely on you and are funding the lifestyle that you do have.

And so I acknowledge that piece too, and really coming back to. Having structure in place has been really helpful for me in terms of time blocking things as well. So really allocating focus, dedicated time to get things done. And if you happen to really enjoy it and be on a roll, then hey, you can continue from here, but at least you have that focus time to get things done.

Even if it's like that 25 to 30 minute pomodoro technique in there to really make sure that you're getting the most out of it to just get things going. 'cause I feel like that's where the sticky bit usually happens.

VL: Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, all three of those points are so important, and I actually talk a lot about these on the podcast and when I'm working with women through their healthy habits, it's not about doing the habits on the days that you feel yucky or gloomy or you feel unmotivated.

It's having those habits already in place so that when it is a rainy, gross day and you don't feel like going to the gym, you know you already have that. Habit built in you, or it's starting to take shape in, in your neural pathways for you to just do it no matter rain, shine, happy, sad, however you're feeling.

And then I love that you're saying that we can do that through different tools with creativity and you know, play can be a habit as well. And incorporating different ways to play and what that looks like or feels like for you. I know some things that come to mind to really help me. Step away from,  the monkey mind or just feeling overwhelmed and not having a focus is to take some time to either go for a walk or do a puzzle or read a fiction book.

And that really helps me separate myself from the moment. And then I can go back to that time block time or I can go back to the drawing board or whatever it is. And I think a lot of people would, would recognize a moment like this when. A lot of people say, oh, I get my best ideas in the shower. And oftentimes that's because you've turned off that mind of trying to be creative, of trying to do the work, of trying to solve the problem.

And sometimes we need to slow that down, get quiet, and by doing something so. Monotonous or so simple like taking a shower, all of a sudden you have this idea, but it's because you were able to step away from it. And so I love that you said that because really it's not like, oh, I have to be creative once a day, once a year.

It's okay. How can I support my creativity? How can I support my business myself, my health, whatever it is, through little routines, little habits, little actions that really bring us to where we wanna go. Love that. Mm-hmm. 

[17:12] Atomic Habits: Habit Stacking

CL: Mm-hmm. Ooh. Yeah. I love the habit stacking that you're talking about as well. I was reading parts of Atomic Habit also, and so they have such great resources in there too.

BOOK: Atomic Habits https://amzn.to/3DVYBDX 

And as you're mentioning, just be able to switch off quote unquote again too is so powerful because even if I have this actually scheduled into my Google calendar every day, like after five o'clock, I really don't wanna work.  So every day at 5:00 PM in my Google calendar has this labeled time block essentially that says, let's get this party started.

And so it's just this really nice, again, micro action and reminder to myself to. It's time to play and to be able to shut off work ultimately. And so I was working with another coach before too, and we were talking about some wellness habits of like, well, maybe it's also having this visual cue for yourself or action of like lighting a candle when you're ready to switch off work and like really transition that time into this is time for you or whatever that looks like for your evening to get into that routine and structure of things.

But at least, you have that. Reminder for yourself and yeah, that other kind of switch and transition to be able to make it a lot easier as well.

VL: Great point. I love that we talk a lot about mindful transitions and being able to switch from one topic to the next, or one activity to the next, or one conversation, one email, whatever it is to the next.

And if we're just go, go, go all the time and we're task switching all the time, or even today, you're my second of three interviews, you know, it's a different vibe. Every time I sit down at the computer, I don't just switch from one person to the next interview to the next. I step away from the room. I collect myself.

I have a snack, whatever. Drink some water. Come back, start fresh. Here we go. We're, it's a new, it's a new person. It's a new topic. It's a new conversation. Let me bring my A game to this person, and I love that you're saying this with. The end of day two because boundaries are huge. And it also goes back to those seasons, those cycles, you know, we can have that cycle in a day.

We don't have to be on all the time working all the time pushing for creativity all the time. We can take that moment. I love that you said light that candle. I think I might try that today. Love that.

CL: I think just as you say too, it's one of those things that as you become your own boss, that nobody quite prepares you to be able to advocate for yourself and to put in those boundaries.

Like you say, there's no guidebook. Or how to, a manual in place that you get when you start your business. And so that looks different for everybody and it may look different in each of those seasons too, as you say. So it just comes back to priorities as well. And what's really, again, the what, what's important to you, what those values are, because those are gonna help you make those bigger business decisions too.

VL: Yeah. It's all coming back to the, those core values that you, you outlined at the beginning too, and understanding like why you're doing what you're doing. Because really that's gonna be the driving force moving forward. That's gonna be what's helping you grow and stay motivated and keep the momentum up, I think, too.

So without those priorities, without those boundaries, we start to burn out and we feel overwhelmed, which actually is. A question I was thinking of too is, and we kind of touched on these a little bit, but is there anything else that we can maybe share or talk about in regards to when we're building this brand, when we're building our business or a career?

How do we do this in a way while we're still trying to maintain some sort of balance and wellness in our personal lives? And I, like I said, I know we've talked a little bit about this, but is there anything else you can think of?

[20:49] Maintaining Balance in Life While Building a Personal Brand

CL: It comes back to, for me, in terms of coming back to. Those seasonalities I think are really important.

Of course you may have to have like a good data to look from perhaps as well, like enough time to see what that looks like in your business. And of course, like we've come out optimistically of a pandemic as well, that it may look very different ultimately and it will evolve as well. But it gives you some insights of logical things that you can look back on of what practically has happened in your business or what type of people.

That you wanna be serving also in these different seasons. And so I think for me, it's being able to look at your mindset as well, that like you're really worthy of all the things that you dream of ultimately. And it's like still scary to say from time to time, but it's. The more energy that you pour into it.

And coming back to like the flowering analogy that we keep coming back to too, about being able to pour and fertilize the things that actually are important to you. Those are the things that are gonna bloom ultimately too. So don't feel like you have to. Do the things that X, Y, Z person is doing just because it looks quote unquote successful or that, oh they might have a shiny six figure business, for example, if that's what you aspire to, but they're like running themselves to the ground and then they might end up.

Totally calling it quits in like less than three months, you know? And so it's again, coming back to what's important to you. If like, for me, it's very important to have a lifestyle business and to really spend my time doing what I love with who I love most at the end of the day that I. For me the last few years I've taken a whole month off in the summer and looking at seasonalities.

I've taken all of August off typically with my partner who's from Europe. And so we've gone to spend time with his family and community over there as well and be able for me to have that space and time to reset and play and come back to what's important and. It was something that I have never done in my life a few years back.

If you had asked me, then I would've thought that you were insane. But having experienced it now for a few years, and I don't see it ending anytime soon in that structure that I. It's actually really refueled me in so many ways creatively emotionally and ultimately better for myself and my business as your biggest investment.

Because if you're taking care of yourself and putting in these like wellness structures as you teach your clients too, that it's just gonna make you a better person to be around, to be able to work with and to be able to attract and like manifest all the things that you actually do want.

VL: I love that so much. I love that you do that. I feel like I wanna restructure my entire schedule. 

CL: Well, you can now as you batch all these episodes. Right?

VL: I know this is so cool because I was, I was sharing with Christine right before we hit record, was that I have really been looking so much further ahead and how I.

What, what I, the goals I want to create or what lifestyle I wanna generate. It's really simplicity. So I'm actually doing less to get more out of my life and my time and my energy and all these things. And so one of the things that I'm doing Yep. Is batching podcast episodes and. You've touched on this a little bit, but what I've noticed, and as you said, oh, you wanna take the whole month of August off, I love that for you.

I love that. For me, I wanna do it. Yes. What we think of is knowing that, knowing that, okay, my goal is to have all of August off. Here it is, we're blocking it out in the calendar, so we've time blocked August off. We're not incorporating any. Interviews, nothing, no calls, whatever it is. Whatever it is you provide and you how you serve.

And then you really have to structure the rest of the year and become more disciplined in, okay, where is my focus and energy gonna go so that I can feel stress free in August and not be scrambling when we come back in September. Right? So, Do you have any tips for someone who is trying to create that dream calendar?

Maybe it's, we'll focus a little bit more on the time off piece of it, but any tips for that self-discipline when it comes to that? 

[25:02] Permission to Rest

CL: Yes. Somebody I came across this on Instagram the other day, I think, and it just really resonated with me that rest isn't rest. If you feel guilty about it. It's like such a powerful piece.

And so it's something that I try to remind myself is so much comes back to intention as well. And so I like to have a visual cue again, just to have those daily reminders of what you're working towards. So if it is taking the time off in August as an example that you aspire to, like I have My wallpaper on my desktop, like whether it's my desktop computer or my laptop computer it's all the like, Three to four goals, like both personal and business-wise that I want for the year.

Again, I'm not necessarily new you near New Year, new you sort of person. Like you can bring this up in whichever day that feels good to you and you can evolve it as well. But again, it's coming back to having these visual cues of what's your priority that you're aspiring to. Just as these micro reminders, because that's gonna help dictate the way that you like, speak to yourself from a mindset perspective and having that abundance that it's going to happen for you and not tap into too much of that scarcity because that energy just flows in so many different areas of your life once you are in it.

And then also that it's gonna show up in different ways that you actually take action in your business. If you really want to take that time off in August, like you are going to batch your episodes ahead of time, you are going to like set yourself up for success by time, blocking it off and like having these healthy boundaries in place to be able to.

Make sure that you're stacked up and prepared like ahead of time. But also, again, like we talk about transition today in this episode about how do you come back from even maybe that time off has been something that I've been really mindful of as well, of making sure that you have space to ease back into it and not go full on machine mode again, because that's where you're gonna crash and burn from all of that wonderful time that you have had to recharge, that it just, you basically have put it in the garbage can.

If you were to just. Come back full throttle. Right? So be kind to yourself to yourself with kindness and know that you're still a money magnet ultimately. 

[27:13] Transitioning Through Seasons

VL: Oh, that's so good. And actually, it really reminded me of something I also heard recently, and it was about the changing of seasons. What a fun theme that we've hit today.

And they were saying that, When the season changes, I think a lot of people expect, okay, it's spring or it's summer, or it's autumn, it's winter, whatever it is. It's like, okay, this is the first official day of spring, and I know for Christina and I, for the first official day of spring, there was still snow on the ground, and so it doesn't really feel like spring.

And so there's this really beautiful transition time from spring to winter, spring to summer, summer to fall, et cetera. As we're, you know, thawing out or as we're starting to bloom, like when summer hits. The buds are not just popping on the tree the day that summer hits, right? It's this gradual kind of flow and transition.

And so I love that you said when you're coming back from that one month or that weekend or that time off, you're not just throwing yourself into it, it's also about creating the systems around the return of that and how can you ease into, you know, whatever the mode you're in, summer mode, winter mode, whatever it is in your business.

VL: Yeah. I love that. And it's really about thinking ahead and having that discipline and having those boundaries. Like, like you said, all the things, they all support each other. They all. Work together. From the creativity to how you show up as a brand, as a person, as a leader, a member of your community, even it's, it's all tied into your self-care and everything we've talked about.

I mean, wow, this has been such a lovely conversation. Before we get into the final round of the episode, I was wondering if there is anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share today?

[29:52] Wisdom from Christina

CL: I think whatever has been popping into your mind as you're listening to this episode, because I'm sure there's been little trickles that you've likely thought about before or maybe you've been inspired by Valerie and i's conversation today that I. Whatever that may be, whatever that picture that you've been painting in your brain, know that it's valid and that that dream life is totally possible for you.

So take like one micro action today, but knowing that what might feel small in this moment is actually one of the biggest steps that you can create and that this is just the beginning. So choose your own adventure.

VL: Thank you for this incredible conversation. Please let us know where people can find you, where people can follow you, and how we can support your business.

[30:35] Connect with Christine

CL: Well, thank you so much, first of all, for having me and for everybody tuning in. I'm really excited for you all to live your dream life as well. And if you want to continue celebrating, come over on Instagram @_cieu and at Brand Party Podcast. And then if you want to chat about bringing any of your vision projects to life as well, then you can come find me over at christineldesigns.com.

[30:57] Rapid Fire Round

VL: Okay. We have one more segment of the show. It's the rapid fire round. Are you ready?

CL: I’m so ready. Thank you.

VL: Amazing.Question number one is what are you currently reading, or what is your favorite book?

CL: Okay, so two prong thing. I'm currently reading the Way of the Tortoise and so this is a book that I picked up. During my time at in the UK for a conference actually, and it's just a good reminder of being able to slow down in your life and get really intentional. So I think very aligned with what we've talked about today, but I.

It's called the Way of the Tortoise by Matt Little, and then one of my favorite Holy Grail books that I always love coming back to. He's by a Canadian bipoc author, actually based from Toronto. His name is Neil Pcha, but his book, the Happiness Equation, is very much my go-to always that I refer to for other people.

The Way of the Tortoise: https://amzn.to/3sdFkLN

The Happiness Equation: https://amzn.to/45s4fJL 

But coming back to flipping the script on life about being happy first so that you create good work and ultimately have success. It's just a really beautiful journey, so I definitely recommend his book too.

VL: They sound awesome. Question number two is, what does empowerment mean to you?

CL: Empowerment is really being able to have that like inner confidence ultimately to know that whatever you dream and dream of, that you're able to honor it and to be able to have that show up in taking up space in the world.

VL: I love that answer. Question three is, what is your longest standing habit? 

CL: Longest standing habit. Oh, that's a good one. I think whether I recognized it or not, back then, it was really being able to celebrate life's moments and to have that gratitude. Because like we've said too, like I've been, I've like ran my business from like hospital waiting rooms and like having seasons of grief in my life, and it's just on those not so sunny days that you really come back to why you started in the first place and.

Being able to celebrate how far you've gotten and to like have space for conversations like this is like such an honor in itself. So being able to have those moments, I think you should like take a moment to pat yourself on the back like you're doing the most and that you're doing more than you know and making such a difference in people's lives that you don't even recognize also.

VL: Mm, that's so good. Okay, final question. What are you currently working towards? 

CL: I am working towards, I think, two sides of things. So on the personal side, very much honoring those boundaries or some like a daily practice that I'm always constantly trying to achieve. But I. Just allowing myself some grace ultimately when it doesn't happen.

And then also on the business side of things, I've introduced v I P design days for folks to be able to check everything off their design wishlist in one day together. And it's just one of the most fulfilling things that I've really been able to help my clients with throughout my business journey so far.

And. To be able to see how things have been on the back burner for them that they've always wanted to be able to do or to launch or to be able to aspire to have for themselves. But to be able to check it off in like less than a day together is just the most impactful thing in so many ways. So I'm excited for that to grow and to just help serve more people.

VL: Oh my gosh, that's so cool. I'm so excited for you. Again, thank you so much for being part of the show. I've loved this conversation. It really, I. Took us behind the scenes into your business and also how you're able to do what you do. And I think that's one of the things that doesn't get shared enough or doesn't get conversation airtime enough, is that there's so much more than a pretty picture or you know, the right color palette.

It's really. The intention behind what you're doing, it's the boundaries that you created. It's the lifestyle that you wanna do. Mm-hmm. So I just, I love what you're doing. I know that your community really values you, and I'm so grateful that you are part of this community and you've been able to share it with the listener today.

So thank you again, and I'm very excited to, to keep seeing how you grow.

CL: Thank you so much, Valerie

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E246: The Power of Habits: How to Change Your Life One Habit at a Time

Today I’m going to teach you how I created my entire morning routine using one simple formula. The formula started with one simple habit, and this led to another habit, and another, eventually becoming the wonderfully supportive morning routine I have today!

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. 

I was recently a guest on my friend Amanda’s podcast, we were chatting about simplicity and how it’s often overlooked, or brushed off. Yet some of the most effective strategies are the simplest ones. 

Why is it that we overcomplicate things and in turn, end up sabotaging ourselves. I’ve said before that healthy CAN BE simple. The strategies aren’t complicated or complex, but they do take time. And this is where a lot of us struggle. 

We want to go really big right at the beginning, and we want to go all out! But this isn’t sustainable. We crash and burn quite quickly when this is the tactic to optimal health, or growth that we’re looking to build in our lives.

So what’s the solution?

Simplifying our habits. The habit is not the action, the habit is the action repeated again and again, over time until it becomes automatic or habitual. Yes there is power in the small and simple action, but the true power lies in the repetition and time. In fact, you can change your entire life using the power of habits. 

[01:55] Story Time: Morning Routine Motivation

Let me take you back in time to tell you a personal story. About three years ago I was experiencing horrible pain in my pelvis. At first I thought I was getting a bladder infection, something I have had in the past. This is what it felt like so I decided to drink more water and pee as often as I could, hoping that would help, as it also has helped in the past.

By the afternoon I was in crippling pain and collapsed on the floor. Since this was during the pandemic, walk-in clinics were not taking people for in person appointments, hospitals were overrun, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to see my family doctor soon enough.

I called the nearest clinic and they were able to schedule a phone call with a doctor for that same day. I was not impressed, but desperate for help.

After explaining what I thought was going on in my body, the doctor prescribed me antibiotics and I had to bring a urine sample to the clinic. I brought the sample and picked up the drugs right away.

A couple days later the pain had lessened, but I was still very uncomfortable. This is unusual for a bladder infection when I’ve been taking antibiotics. 

About a week later I received a followup call from the walk-in clinic doctor who told me I didn’t have a bladder infection but he did have some concerns with the sample and I needed to bring in another one. I did so right away.

This was three years ago and I still haven’t heard from the walk-in clinic for an update about that second sample. 

Anyway, I knew that I needed to see someone in person and someone who would really listen to me. So I reached out to a local nutritionist that I followed online. She was a mutual friend and I knew she was seeing people in person even during this time. 

We set up the earliest appointment and when I walked into the office the first thing she did was hug me. 

This meant everything to me, because you have to understand at the time, everyone was practically walking around with a 10 foot pole and wouldn’t go near another person, let alone a stranger they just met!

Needless to say, I felt safe knowing that this woman really cared about me and my wellness and wanted to help me.

And help me she did. Using a bio energetics scan she was able to see that I didn’t have a bladder infection but lots of heavy metals that weren’t leaving my body. She put me on a protocol to detox heavy metals, rebuild my gut flora and support hormone balancing in my body.

Within a few days of taking the tinctures and doing the protocol, I felt almost 100% better. 

This health scare set a new habit in motion for me. One part of the protocol for balancing my hormones was eating breakfast in the morning.

Before this, I had been intermittent fasting for… I want to say AT LEAST two years, maybe more. I hadn’t eaten breakfast in a very long time. 

[05:10] Habit Stacking Formula for Your Morning Routine

At first, it was a bit of a struggle. My body was so used to not eating breakfast! So I decided to use a specific habit stacking formula to help me eat in the morning.

The formula is:

After I [HABIT I NEED] I will [HABIT I WANT]

The habit I needed was to eat breakfast. The habit I wanted was to drink coffee. If you know anything about balancing hormones, starting your day drinking coffee on an empty stomach is a big red flag for maintaining/creating balance. But if I could eat something before this would really support me.

I wanted the coffee bad enough that I started eating breakfast almost immediately upon waking. Over some time I eventually started craving food both physically and mentally because 

1) My body was getting used to eating, and 

2) I was looking forward to eating breakfast because I knew there was a sort of reward for finishing and I could have my beloved coffee after I ate.

The health scare was the motivation to get this action started, but it was the habit, and the habit stacking formula that helped me build this morning routine.

When I recognized how well this specific formula was working, I decided to add in another habit. Drinking 250ml+ of water in the morning, which also evolved into greens and electrolytes before breakfast.

Then once the liquids were part of my morning, I added in other parts of the routine such as unloading the dishwasher, working out at the gym, and a few other smaller items.

I built my entire morning routine using this habit stacking formula. Now remember, it didn’t start with the long list of things I do today. It only started as breakfast and coffee.

What do you recognize as a solid starting point for you? You can let me know in the comments of this video, or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife

Some ideas for the habit that you want to do can be:

Going on social media/checking your phone

Drinking coffee

Getting on your computer to start work 

Or anything else that is specific to YOU and perhaps a not so helpful habit that you have.

Now what is ONE habit that you would love to add into your morning routine but haven’t yet? 

[07:44] REMINDER + BONUS for Building Healthy Morning Routines 

REMEMBER: keep it very simple! Something small. 

As a bonus tip, have it be different from the reward or “want” habit. For example if you go on your phone first thing in the morning, but you also want to meditate first thing in the morning, avoid using a meditation app so that you’re not distracted by the other apps keeping you stuck in your own patterns. 

Maybe your meditation practice is outside of the bedroom where you can sit quietly on a pillow or cushion and light a candle. 

Now don’t worry if the action is taking longer to become a habit. Celebrate every single day that you do the new habit, and only stack on more when you’re ready. Stay playful and curious as a lot of the self-building of habits can feel very experimental for most people.

If you’re interested in learning more about habit stacking, check out Episode 236 of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast for more tips, examples, and training.

E236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time and Energy

You can also skip a lot of the guesswork and overwhelm by working with an experienced coach! Learn about all the ways to work with me in the show notes page of this episode, or caption of this video.

I would love to support you in building a life by design, not by default. 

We’ve got a great guest episode coming next week, I’ll see you then!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E244: Overcoming Self-Sabotage: How to Get Out of Your Own WaY

One of my favourite quotes of all time, that I often remind myself of, is by Henry Ford, who said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Our thoughts are so incredibly powerful that we can do just about anything that we believe we can. And when we can’t? Or don’t do something, it’s often because of self-sabotaging beliefs that keep us stuck. 

Today we’re getting honest about how to overcome self-sabotage and get the heck out of our own way!

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. How freaking frustrating is it when another day, week, month or year goes by and we didn’t reach a goal, or didn’t do the thing we said we were going to do?

Whether you have goals about transforming your health, transitioning out of your job, or showing up as a better person in a relationship, not meeting a milestone can be a huge bummer. 

Lately I have been dropping the ball on my podcast. I cringe admitting that here. I thought I had planned ahead, but between finding out that I’m pregnant, to being short of staff at the studio, to selling our house, buying a new one, and finally moving in – OOF! Life got real crazy, real fast. 

And I’m not here to talk about excuses, no, no, no. On this podcast, we discuss empowering solutions. And I want to be upfront and honest with you. Because even though this IS the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, it’s so not perfect all the time.  

But instead of beating myself up about being behind on my production schedule, I’m sitting down, getting clear about my goals, realistic about my expectations, and taking action on the work that I can do. On the tasks that I can control. 

Let’s break these strategies down, and several others to better support you in getting out of your own way!

#1 Fresh Start

There is no use in getting upset with ourselves when things aren’t getting done. Quite frankly, beating yourself up about dropping the ball is a waste of energy. Instead, let’s focus on what we can do differently. We have a fresh start; a clean slate!

#2 Come Back to Your WHY

When times are tough, or when things feel monotonous, it’s important to come back to our why. Reconnect to your purpose of why you set out for this goal in the first place. Keep coming back to this again and again. It’s part of the motivation that keeps you moving forward.

#3 Think Positive Thoughts

Replace the negative and self-limiting thoughts with positive ones. As I mentioned before, beating yourself up is more hurtful than helpful. Well the opposite is true for positive thoughts! Shifting your mindset to a more positive/growth mindset can shift your performance levels and make you happier!

Focusing on this strategy? Check out Episode 81 of the podcast! 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk.

#4 Develop a Plan of Action and Implement It

Once you’ve reconnected to your why (strategy #2), you can break your goal down into an action plan and – here is the important part: take action one day at a time. Small, meaningful actions every day will lead you to your goal. 

With my podcast, I have blocked out time in my calendar to create the action plan, as well as time blocked my schedule for when I can realistically get things done. I’ve also set up a meeting with someone who might be a good fit to work with for taking the podcast to the next level. If this partnership works out, I will have an extra motivating factor because I’m paying this person, and we now have a plan to work on together. So on one hand I’m asking for/getting support, and on the other hand I’m also being held more accountable to get the work done!

Which leads me to…

#5 Identify Your Strengths

Make a list of all the things you are really good at. Keep that list somewhere you can see it often to motivate and empower yourself. Continue to build your strengths and master your zone of genius. 

#6 Acknowledge Your Weaknesses

This isn’t about getting down on yourself. This is so you can delegate or eliminate the tasks that you are not meant to be doing. Of course you can develop skills to improve on the areas where you are lacking, however if you’re building your strength of public speaking, you don’t ALSO have to be the best graphic designer (unless that’s part of your passions or purpose). But instead, delegate this to someone who has this strength to compliment your own projects.

Speaking of being resourceful…

#7 Be Realistic and Organized with Your Resources

Yes, we can do anything, but that doesn’t mean we have to do EVERYTHING! Focus on what is most essential to getting you closer to achieving your goal, anything else can be delegated or you can allocate the time better. It’s important that you continue to measure your energy.

I made this mistake during the last couple weeks with our move. Normally, I am a time-blocker, but I recently fell into the trap of being a listmaker. When you time-block, you are allocating a specific amount of time to a specific task. When you make a list, well… you’re often left with an incomplete list at the end of the day, or worse an even longer list!

Time-blocking the tasks from your to-do list will help you get them done because it shows you how much time you have, and how much time you’re willing to give to a task. Let’s just say I’ve changed the title on last week’s “Wednesday To Do List” and even though I’ve checked off several boxes, this list has gotten longer.

#8 Break or Replace Bad Habits

There are so many bad habits that can hold us back, what are some of the habits that keep you trapped?

Some common ones include: 

• Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”, and overloading your schedule

• Listening or believing the inner critic

• Mindlessly scrolling on your phone

• Procrastination

• Not asking for help

• Putting your wants in front of your needs

• Lacking clarity on your goals and your why

• Failing to plan

I’m sure we could keep building out this list. However, the key here is to identify the bad habit and break it or replace it.

If this is the strategy you want to work on, I’d love to support you in breaking bad habits and making supportive ones!

There are a few ways to work with me, but the best place to start is with booking a Clarity Call. VISIT VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/CLARITY to book a call today.

Work with Me

Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity

#9 Let Go of Perfectionism

Perfection is a form of procrastination. It is not attainable. Even if you believe perfection to be attainable, by the time the project is “perfect”, it’s usually too late. Get your ideas out there, take action, make mistakes, and correct along the way. 

The amount of learning, growth, and skill development that comes along with JUST FREAKING DOING THE THING, is priceless and truly can only be had when you are in action – you know me, I always say, The Magic Happens When You’re in Action!

You know what else perfectionism is? It’s an excuse.

#10 Stop Making Excuses

You cannot get out of your own way if you continue to make excuses for yourself. If you want to make something, make changes. 

This next one is kind of part two of stop making excuses, it’s…

#11 Remove Can’t From Your Vocabulary

Think of this as a mini experiment and try it out. It’s really interesting to see how this works in action. On one hand, you realize how often you tell yourself you can’t do something, and on the other hand, you start to question yourself, can I really not do that, or am I just not willing to do it? If I still believe I can't, why not? It’s an experiment that gets you aware and curious! Give it a try!

#12 Get Creative

One thing that has changed since moving to a new home less than a week ago is that I’m being forced to get creative with my new home space and environment. I’m driving to new places, I’m figuring out how to live in this new layout, and it’s forcing me to change neural pathways in my brain. Even the simplest things, like the fact that the utensils drawer is now to the right of the stove instead of the left, or that I drive new routes to and from work every day. These small shifts are helping me use different parts of my brain and I can see how they’re helping me be more creative in other areas of my work and life.

Even with the podcast, I’m discovering new ways to produce, serve, and more. If you’re into the experiments, try new things, take chances and risks, mix things up in other areas of your life. Ask for help, look for more information, support or ideas and paths to reaching your goals!

Getting creative will also help with…

#13 Overcoming Challenges on Your Path

Even with a solid plan, challenges will arise. When *ish hits the fan, focus on forward motion and never giving up. The plan might change, but you can keep going. Remember, small actions bring you closer to your goals.

#14 Create Rewards

I use the app Duolingo for my daily practice of learning French. On the app there are lessons with different levels and each level opens up once the level before is complete. In between every three or so levels, is a treasure chest. This treasure is usually some sort of time boost or points boost or extra gems. Basically, it’s a reward for reaching a new milestone. 

When we break down bigger goals into smaller ones, we forget to build in milestones and rewards along the way. If it takes 100 steps to reach a goal, why not celebrate every 10 or 25 steps? When we don’t celebrate or reward ourselves, we end up getting stuck and only looking at however many steps are in front of us, instead of how much effort and growth we’ve made to get to where we are. 

Create rewards that are simple, and that you’re excited and proud to earn along the way!

#15 Prioritize Self-Care

I’ve fallen into the hustle culture trap time and time again, and trust me when I say, I still work hard, AND I also balance and implement self-care.

Yesterday I was so tired when I came home in the afternoon and I decided to give myself permission to lay on the couch with my feet up. I closed my eyes and had a one hour nap! It was so amazing and I really needed the rest. 

I was originally driving home thinking how a warm bubble bath would be nice, because I was recently given some new bubble bath soap and I guess my body really needed the nap.

The nap allowed me to feel re-energized, and ready to do other tasks that evening. Things like assembling a new nightstand, showing up alert to a business meeting, making dinner, cleaning the kitchen and organizing more pantry space. 

When we make time for the self-care activities that are important to us, we are refueling ourselves to feel more energy, healthier, and have an overall improved well-being which in turn allows us to be more productive and positive. 

This last strategy was one I hesitated to add in, but I’ve been doing it and it does work so, here it is:

#16 Just Do It

Whenever possible take action on an item as soon as you can. There have been countless times that I’ve added something to a to-do list that I’ve wasted more time worrying or stressing about, and the effort I put into that stress could have been used to complete the task and then some!

With a “why” as your motivation and an action plan in front of you, there are no excuses to JUST DO IT.

If there is a task you’re really dreading but it must be done by you, do that task first thing in the morning, or first thing on your calendar. 

I can’t tell you how much anxiety I felt when I had to make phone calls – tell me you’re a millennial without telling me you’re a millennial, am I right? – but then I would make myself just do it. And what a liberating experience that was. Now I make calls effortlessly, and sometimes I even get extra bonuses, like if I order food they sometimes give me a free side, or when I ask about visiting a new studio, they gift me a free class, or a pass for a friend. It’s not every time of course, but enough times to help me enjoy the process haha 

At the end of the day YOU KNOW YOURSELF. You know what makes you excited, and what makes you anxious. You know where you need to forgive yourself and take the leaps. You know that you can use your calendar to schedule priorities, and you can put down your phone and JUST DO IT. 

Okay now go! Leap, take action, grow! You’ve got this!

And remember, if you’re looking for accountability, support, and more check out the show notes of this podcast, or caption of this video for ways we can work together.

Work with Me

Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity 

Transform Your Habits Course |  https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

Healthy Habit Membership |  https://valerielavignelife.com/membership 

1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship |  https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

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E243: Counting Down the Top Episodes of all Time from the Women's Empowerment Podcast

With almost 250 episodes of the show, it’s hard to know which ones to listen to first! Here are the top 10 episodes of all time. Re-listen, share your favourites, and dive right in as we count down the most popular episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast…

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Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and healthy habit mentor, Valerie LaVigne. Today, I thought we'd do something a little different. I don't think I've done this in a very long time, or maybe not at all on the podcast, so I'm excited to bring you the top 10 episodes of the podcast of all time. We have almost 250 episodes. If you're new to the show and you're like, where do I start? Well this is probably a really great introduction of what's been so popular over these last few years.

 Let's go backwards from number 10 all the way down to number one. And if you aren't new to the show and you're maybe watching this, or even if it sounds a little bit different, I apologize for the audio quality. It's because today is moving day and I have this little quiet moment as I say that there's like noises outside of my, my neighborhood.

But I have some time here to record and I feel like this is gonna come into little different bits and pieces. Maybe we'll record at my new house. I'm actually on the floor with my plants. There's a giant TV in a box behind me. I'm using another box to. Hold up my computer right now and we're just gonna go with the flow.

If I look a little dewy, it's because I did a face mask this morning, you know, priorities.  But let's talk about the

[01:10] #10 Episode 172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY

10th most popular episode of all time of the podcast. So far it's episode 172 and it's called Boundaries Priorities Rules. Oh my. And I was actually a little bit surprised when I heard that this was, One of the more popular episodes because I really dive into these three things that for myself at at one point or another, I recognize that I was a rule breaker.

I was a rebel without a cause. I didn't wanna follow any part of discipline and boundaries. Like, don't put me in a box, don't tell me what to do. I want to be free. And it was very important for me to find freedom. And over time I realized that discipline is freedom. And how I got to this realization was a bunch of different things.

A bunch of different events happened and they kind of rippled into recognizing that I needed a change in my life. And so I'll take you back a little bit. I don't wanna tell you too long of a story here, but I was basically at a point where I thought, I'm not moving anywhere. I'm just 

walking and running on a treadmill. It felt like I was just doing so many things, but it felt a lot more like busy work versus productivity, if you will. And so in this episode I talk about how with myself, I was very resistant to these things. So if you're listening to this now and you're like, yeah, no way.

Boundaries, rules, ew, and discipline, those are like bad words in my life. Well they are actually really powerful tools and they're really powerful practices and kind of, energy that we can, we can use to cultivate things that we really wanna do. So in the episode I talk a little bit about how discipline is the act of building trust with ourselves.

I always thought that discipline meant obedience. But it doesn't. It doesn't mean you have to follow someone else's rules. It can be that you're following what feels good for you and the core values that you set, not the boxes that somebody else said, Hey, check these off. This is what you need to be doing in your life.

What do you want? And so, In this episode, I encourage you to take an audit and take action because if you know me, I like to encourage you to take action and really see that there are beauty in boundaries and there are beautiful boundaries that we can create that really allow us to live the life of our dreams, to live a life of design and not a life of default, which is, What I was doing.

Now, if you're an entrepreneur, I do share some entrepreneur examples. If you're not an entrepreneur, don't worry. I share a lot of examples in terms of like discipline with your time management and things you can kind of do to help put all of the, the tools that, and the tips that I've shared in this episode together so that you can move forward in a way that feels good for you.

[04:10] #9 Episode 166: A Gentle Approach to a Kick-Ass Routine

The ninth most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast is episode 166, and this is titled A Gentle Approach to a Kick Ass Routine. Now, this is also a really unique episode of the podcast because I invited. I think it was last year, I invited, a handful of my one-on-one clients or clients that worked with me through the 21 day challenges and all these different things, and I basically reached out to a bunch of people and said, Hey,  would you be able to share, would you be willing to share your experience of working with me and what we did working together on the podcast?

And so I did have. Kind of like a handful of questions that I wanted to ask each person, but the answers were really unique, really different. And what I loved about this one is that Candace was not only a client of mine, but she's also a dear friend. So it was nice to have a conversation that was like, relaxed.

And even though we were talking about,  health and habits and, achieving goals, we were able to really kind of sit with. The, the reality of how it's hard and how we wanna go big or go home and how it's all or nothing. 

And this isn't something that just Candace experienced working with me. I've also experienced this with a lot of people who are coming to me to with help for healthy habits. They're like, I want this amazing morning routine. I wanna get up two hours before I normally do. I wanna go to the gym and meditate, and I wanna do breath work, and I wanna do this whole ceremony.

I want to eat this huge, beautiful, balanced breakfast and. I, I do it one day and then I can't do it anymore from that, or I can't even get started, or I don't even do it fully. And this is something that really holds a lot of people back. And I do wanna say that as much as I like to be extra, I like to encourage you to dream big, right?

Aim for the moon, and you'll land amongst the stars. Unfortunately, when we do land amongst the stars, We don't see it as enough. We're like, well, this wasn't the moon. I wanted to land there and here I am amongst these beautiful stars, but it's, it's not enough. And so we really have to pull back and we really have to, to be honest and kind of look at ourselves and say, what's really important?

What can I prioritize? How can I start small and then build on that? And this is one of the reasons why I don't like to share. 10 things you have to do for your, like, to start your day or like, these are the best things that you need to do every morning. It's because I don't want you to look at that list and think, this is overwhelming.

I can't do all those things. I don't have the resources, I don't have the support, or I don't have the time, or whatever the case may be. I want you to create habits that make sense to you. And yeah, there are gonna be some mindset blocks. There are gonna be some hurdles, there are gonna be some kind of unlearning of the go big or go home.

And we really need to start with the smaller foundation. This conversation with Candace was really interesting. It was really. Great to hear her perspective of how everything worked and how it shifted and what we thought we would start working on, or what she was originally thinking of, oh, this would be a good idea.

It really turned into something. More meaningful and it,  it's a really lovely conversation and I'm glad that it's in the top 10. 

I am pretty sure in this episode as well, I talk about some of the other conversations that I've had with other clients. So if you do listen to this ninth most popular episode and you're like, oh, these are cool, I'd love to know more about that process and what other people have experienced. You can check those out.

[07:58] #8 Episode 173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact

Let's continue with our countdown for the eighth most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast, which is episode 173. Small Actions that created Big Impact in only 21 days. So this is another fantastic episode. Of course, I'm gonna thank all of the episodes are fantastic, but I love this one, especially because it was something that.

I thought I would do again, I wanted to change things up. I wanted to do things a little differently. So with this episode, we are speaking with or listening to. Seven of the over 100 women who have participated in the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. Now, early last year, I created the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge, and I called it Elevate Your Life.

And it's actually evolved now to, well from Elevate your life to just the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge because that was easier for people.   And I've actually created a. Self-paced course called Transform Your Habits, and it is now available for purchase. what's different about the self-paced course is that you can really do it anytime.

So with the 21 Day Challenge, I only hosted it for a few times a year, and if you weren't available, To do it with us live or if you wanted to start late, you were kind of missing out on some of the things. So after running, I think I've run four or five of these in the last kind of year or two. Over a hundred people have participated.

I made it better each time, and I learned so much more each time and I learned that there were a lot of themes and I was able to put these into these little micro lessons. So even though it's technically 21 days of content, all of the little videos that I share are under a minute. There's also a lot of amazing extra bonuses.

So if you have done the 21 Day Challenge before, or maybe you haven't, but you've listened to this episode and you're like, I need this, you can go to valerie levine life.com/challenge and you can access the Transform Your Habits course. So I'm really excited that it is available. I am not running any more live 21 day challenges at.

At least for the time being, I won't be.  I'm really excited to still offer something very close minus the, the live aspect of it. So there's a lot there that, you can work with and you can do it at your own pace. So maybe you do it in 21 days, maybe you do it in 90 days. You can take your time. This episode was the first episode of this kind that I've done. Now there are, again, a few more episodes where I've spoken to other 21 day challengers who have shared their stories, and so it's cool that this was kind of the first one. We tried something different and we had seven beautiful stories of.

These women who participated in this challenge and the transformation that they were able to cultivate in only 21 days. Now, what I love is that I kind of take you through how the 21 day challenge works. Now, mind you, it is a little bit different now that it is a self-paced course. However, the results don't have to be different.

The results can be. Just as transformative when you're doing something self-paced and know that if you listen to the 10th most popular episode about discipline and rules and boundaries, that could even support you in really getting the most out of that self-paced course. So I'm very excited that this is in the top 10 as well.

We go on this little journey of how the. Challenge was created. What kind of is involved in the challenge? How these wonderful humans, were able to participate.  How they showed up, what they learned through those 21 days. And it was really cool. I think the one thing that I am definitely gonna miss about the self-paced course versus the live course was that I was really in there with you and really supporting you.

Now, that being said, when you go to the sales page of the Transform Your Habits course, you'll see that there are options for us to work together. There are options for us to be a little more connected. So again, it's can be self-paced. You do you, you know I'm there on the screen, but if you do want that extra handholding, if you do want that, Extra support and accountability.

There are options to upgrade your course there. They talk about what their favorite things were, what they learned, and what challenges they overcame. It's really nice because it's one of those things where like if I tell you the story, you know, they're like, oh, okay, cool. That's a good story.

But if it's coming from them, it's just, it's so much more. I think impactful, I think it's so much more meaningful. So I'm very grateful to the women who shared insights, who shared their experiences, I'm excited for you to listen to this episode. 

[13:03] #7 Episode 133: Elevating Your Morning Routine

The seventh most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast is episode 133, and it's called Elevating Your Morning Routine. This episode features one of my favorite people, Alexandra Panagoulia of Batch Beauty Lab, and Alexandra is just like such a ray of sunshine and so calming. She has this beautiful.

Energy and I'm really excited that she was able to share these things because when you follow her online, she really does walk the talk. She really does embody the things that she believes in and talks about and shares  in such an organic way. And her product line is incredible.

She has face oils and body oils, and She really caress about what she does and she really has this attention to detail. She shares her morning routine and how it's evolved and the impact that it's made in her life and how she's been able to, to grow and to show up as a better person because she really prioritizes this. Morning routine.  She talks about herself and her passions and, and her business and how she makes the time for these things and how we kind of celebrate how the journey doesn't always look linear.

There is a lot that's going on and. there's growth and transition sometimes in a really short amount of time, but it doesn't mean that the things that are important to you aren't still priorities in your life.   This is a little bit of an older episode, so so much has changed since then, but if I can remember correctly, this was one of the top episodes of the year, and I'm pretty sure.

 I had Alexander back on the show for our,  holiday party. So if you don't already know, the very last episode of the year is a holiday party and it is a countdown, which is why I don't think I've done a top 10 episodes of all time. I think I only have done top five episodes of the year every year.

Again, if you're looking for more content, but you don't know  where to start. This could be a good starting point and then any of the holiday party episodes,  to really see how this show has changed over the years. 

We talk about daily consistent action and how you could really elevate your morning routine overall. I'm super excited for you to listen to this episode. You can go to valerielavignelife.com/243 to get the access to this episode, as well as all of the other top 10 episodes of all time.

[15:37 ] #6 Episode 140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself

The six most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast is episode 140 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself. So this is one of my solo shows where I dive into 10 practices or 10 different ideas for how you can really connect to you, how you can really step into your power, step into the feeling of enoughness and worthiness.

And I do have a little bit of chills remembering this episode and kind of going back to it because it's powerful when we can really show up for ourselves, when we can really build trust with ourselves and we can really step into this light and this power. Like I just have full body goosebumps right now talking about this.

When we do that, we not only. Allow ourselves to attract miracles and live a life of meaning and purpose and impact, but we also give the people around us permission, give the people around us permission to. Live the life of their dreams to live that life of purpose and freedom and meaning. 

These are such important practices to really get into, to really embody and me looking back on this episode even was just such a reminder. I'm gonna get a little teary here. I have been. On this really interesting journey these last few months and I don't know where the next few months are taking me.

And I was speaking with a friend who said, you're in the goo phase. You're in this goo phase of the butterfly. And I was like, what the heck are you talking about? And she was saying that she learned that when a caterpillar is on its way to transforming into a butterfly, it turns into complete goo. It's like an unrecognizable blob of, of actual goo, and then that chrysalis forms and all the things are happening, and that goo is in the chrysalis, and then they come out as this beautiful butterfly.

So there's this huge transformation at the end, and that's really how I feel. I feel like I'm in this go phase, and if you listen to the show or if you know that I like to teach connecting to feeling, how do you wanna feel? And so even though I'm in this kind of limby, gooey phase of my, my journey, I do still have intentions.

I do still set the intention of. Being present. That's my intention lately, is that  I don't know what's gonna happen. I can't change what has happened, but I can be present to where I am and I wanna be present. I've shared this, on recent episodes. I wanna be present with the people around me.

I wanna be present in the things that I'm doing. I wanna be present in the conversations. I'm gonna be present here with you. And I wanna be present when I'm eating and all the things, and. And I know that for myself as much as this goo phase, there's a lot of unknowns. It's a little bit scary.

I have no idea what, what butterfly I'm transforming into on the way out. I do know that,  there is a purpose for this. There is a reason, , I know it's hasn't been revealed to me yet, but I am very excited to. To be the witness of this part of the journey and, and to hopefully one day share my butterfly story, if that's what it ends up being.

Maybe I'm gonna turn into something else, but I am excited to, to one day say, Hey, remember that episode where I was like, I'm a butterfly and I'm gooey, and here I am. This is the transformation. So here we are together on this journey.  I'm really excited that this is, again, one of the top 10 episodes.

Really love this. Really love this for you. Really love this for me. Really love this for the community, and I just want to, Highlight number three of the top 10 ways to show up for yourself, or the 10 ways to show up for yourself, which is allow yourself to feel all the feels judgment free. And I just kind of stumbled upon that one and it really just stuck out to me today.

And it's because I'm, I'm in it. I'm in the feels, I'm in the feelings and. It's so easy for us to judge ourselves I should be happy. I should be doing this. What am I doing here? Why am I upset? Why am I sad? Why do I feel gooey? Be present with your feelings. They are feelings. They're not facts. You do not have to judge them.

We are humans. We make mistakes. We get confused. We don't have to know all the answers. I certainly don't. Allow yourself to be, to cry if you need to, to laugh out loud, if you need to, to take a moment to pause and just breathe if you need to.  

[21:13] #5 Episode 102: Choosing Courage Over Fear

Number five is episode 102, choosing Co Courage Over Fear. And this features my very dear friend Tasha Romanelli.

And. This is actually one of those cool episodes where it's, it's quite an older episode of the show and when I used to interview guests, I had them really go through like longer stories of their life. And as much as I really did enjoy listening to those stories, what I recognized was that the episodes were quite lengthy and.

Of course, we love the stories. Clearly this is one of the top five episodes of the show. However, in terms of my time and, and energy with editing and being able to stay on topic and, and offer you really what I wanted the show to do, which was to give you actionable steps. I found ways to.

Still include storytelling, just not in like an hour long episode. So the, this episode is a little bit longer. However, it is an exceptional one, and Tasha really does, really does hold the room and hold the space and hold your attention with how she speaks and, and her voice and her skill in intuition and, and, Healing.

It's just you have to listen to the episode. It's an energy, and again, this doesn't surprise me that this is the fifth most popular episode.   The fourth most popular episode is episode 164, and it's called Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness. This one is featuring Junielle Rosher. Now, what I wanted to say before I get into what this episode is about is that at the time of this recording, Junielle was going by Elle and there's this really beautiful.

Story or kind of transition to reclaiming her name that she shares in the holiday party episode of this year, because she was of course one of the top five episodes of the year, and I reached out to her and I said, Hey, I'd love to have you back on the show in some capacity to celebrate that you are one of the top episodes.

Would it be okay if you shared your reclaiming of your name because. A lot of people will probably listen to the episode and wanna find her and not be able to find Elle Rosher online, but they will be able to find Junielle and so. I'm gonna also link to that episode in the show notes page for you, the holiday party episode, so you can listen to that reclaiming of her name.

But before that, we talked about manifesting your goals of mindfulness. I love manifesting. I love mindfulness, and a lot of the times we don't really integrate the two together, and I think this is because when we're manifesting, we're so. Big picture. We're looking so far ahead, we're looking at that bigger goal, and yeah, of course we're connecting to the present moment in terms of like, what can we do today to bring it forward?

But are we really being mindful in that moment or are we just doing it because we're thinking of the future? And so this is a great episode for anyone who has feelings of anxiety or just a forward thinker, a very futuristic person. I know that my mind is. Very much in the future. And what I also know is because of that, or sometimes because of that, I lose sight of where I am right now.

And it's not all the time. I, I'd have to remind myself, we'll say, to bring me back to here, the here and the now, while still keeping the goal in mind and the dreams. That I have for the future in mind. So without losing your dreams, you can still be present in the moment. And June Neal does a wonderful job of, of explaining this to us through this conversation.

[22:45] #4 Episode 164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness

The fourth most popular episode is episode 164, and it's called Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness. This one is featuring Junielle Rosher. Now, what I wanted to say before I get into what this episode is about is that at the time of this recording, Junielle was going by Elle and there's this really beautiful.

Story or kind of transition to reclaiming her name that she shares in the holiday party episode of this year, because she was of course one of the top five episodes of the year, and I reached out to her and I said, Hey, I'd love to have you back on the show in some capacity to celebrate that you are one of the top episodes.

Would it be okay if you shared your reclaiming of your name because. A lot of people will probably listen to the episode and wanna find her and not be able to find Elle Rosher online, but they will be able to find Junielle and so. I'm gonna also link to that episode in the show notes page for you, the holiday party episode, so you can listen to that reclaiming of her name.

But before that, we talked about manifesting your goals of mindfulness. I love manifesting. I love mindfulness, and a lot of the times we don't really integrate the two together, and I think this is because when we're manifesting, we're so. Big picture. We're looking so far ahead, we're looking at that bigger goal, and yeah, of course we're connecting to the present moment in terms of like, what can we do today to bring it forward?

But are we really being mindful in that moment or are we just doing it because we're thinking of the future? And so this is a great episode for anyone who has feelings of anxiety or just a forward thinker, a very futuristic person. I know that my mind is. Very much in the future. And what I also know is because of that, or sometimes because of that, I lose sight of where I am right now.

And it's not all the time. I, I'd have to remind myself, we'll say, to bring me back to here, the here and the now, while still keeping the goal in mind and the dreams. That I have for the future in mind. So without losing your dreams, you can still be present in the moment. And Junielle does a wonderful job of, of explaining this to us through this conversation.

[25:16] #3 Episode 167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply

The third most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast is episode 167, and it's called Ways to Love Yourself Deeply and honestly, my heart is so full that these. S like the top five episodes are very much conversations and not just solo episodes, and I love that because part of why I created the Women's Empowerment Podcast is because I wanted to share the voices of women.

Now, the show didn't start off as conversations with other people or guest episodes. It started off as just me because I was learning and I was growing, and I was understanding how to love myself deeply. And feel the confidence that I needed and the courage that I needed to reach out to incredible humans like Blair, who is featured in this number three episode number top three episode.

And Blaire has such a great voice for podcasts. She is calm and intentional. She speaks with such purpose. Power and importance, and she talks about purpose and power and importance of different practices for, for really surrounding ourselves with love and with self-love. And I know that this is an episode for me that I come back to because it's just like, Ooh, goosebumps.

Like I, I said to Blaire. You need to have like an affirmation deck or something. You have, you have such wisdom through your words. And she has a beautiful story and a beautiful voice and this incredible conversation. So I really recommend listening to episode 1 67 along with all of these other episodes that we've talked about today, and you can find everything you need in the show notes page at valerielavignelife.com/243

[27:15] #2 Episode 188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish

The second most popular episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast is called Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish. It's episode 188 and again, like I'm beaming that this is one of the top top 10 and top. Five episodes because this features a client of mine. Her name is Kaylie. And Kaylee is exciting and she is grounding and she is unique in such a cool way.

She is a circus performer. She is an artist. She has become a really great friend of mine. We actually met. Traveling and we met at this meditation retreat in the middle of Guatemala. Like it was just, she's magic. She's absolute magic. She has had me in awe since the day that I met her, and I'm so grateful for, for social media, for this podcast, for us to be connected in this way and to continue to grow our friendship and connection.

And I loved working with Kaylie. So we did a lot of work through the. 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge, which as I mentioned earlier today or early, early in this episode, that the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge has transitioned or transformed into a self-paced course called Transform Your Habit. So I'm gonna link to that of course, as well in the show notes page.

This episode is Kaylie's perspective of how us working together has really helped her find routines and rituals through her very. Different. And when I, again, when I met her, she was living a little more of a nomadic lifestyle, but her and I are really similar in the sense that we both were like routine, Ew, no, no, no.

We're not doing the same thing every day. That's boring. And so I'm really excited to, I. To have been able to have worked with her and for both of us to then experience the power of ritual, the power of intentions, the power of routine, and how it actually doesn't make our life boring at all. And it really helps us understand who we are and understand how we can grow as humans and evolve into.

The better versions of ourselves or into the more caring and self-loving versions of ourselves. And part of that journey is prioritizing yourself and knowing that that's not a selfish thing for us to do because it really shares or really spreads and it really gives permission to the people around us.

Great episode. I'll say no more. So you can listen to, listen to the goods.  

[30:01] #1 Episode 168: Building Trust with Yourself

And the number one episode of the podcast. So this actually surprises me and it's still the number one episode after I think it's, well, for a long time now. It is episode 168 and it's called Building Trust with Yourself from Timid to Confident Series.

This is so interesting that this is the, the top episode. I'm very grateful again.  I was asked to speak at a, a summit called From Timid to Confident, and I was approached by Coach Kasia, who I have never met before, and she's incredible. She's lovely. She put together this amazing summit of all of these speakers and after the summit she had sent me the recording.

Of our interview and she said, yeah, like feel free to share on your podcast if you like. And I thought, okay, great. And why this is unique is because this was not a recording originally for the podcast, but it was someone else interviewing me. And again, it's cool that not. All of these top 10 episodes have been solo shows, but shows where I get to interview other incredible women.

And now here I am being interviewed and sharing my full story. And again, this episode's kind of longer, but , it is the most popular one and I really share the. Experience that I went through of how I started the podcast, how I've really learned to grow in my own confidence and in my own self. And I mean, it's a great introduction I guess, of me.

If you are new to the show, this is a great place to start. But yeah, it was. It was so long ago that I'm having trouble remembering exactly what we talked about. 'cause I did not re-listen to it just yet. But it talks about like my story and the background of how I got into doing what I'm doing. And  it's a little bit of a journey we went on to get here, but it's great. It's exciting. I'm so grateful that I had this opportunity to, to speak at this summit and to also share it with the show. With the Women's Empowerment Podcast and, and the community here that's listening  this was the top 10 episodes of all time of the Women's Empowerment Podcast So far. We're just under 250 episodes. I wanna know what you want more of.

I obviously see what you really love, but what you want, what do you want more of, or what haven't you heard yet that you really wanna see or hear? Share it with me in the comments of this video or on Instagram, and I would love to connect with you. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for all your listens, your shares, your reviews.

They mean so much to this show, and I'm excited for the growth that there is to come in the next, hopefully more, more than 200 episodes in the future.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E242: From Burnout to Balance: Strategies for Sustainable Habits

One of the most common questions I get asked when I’m being interviewed as a guest -on a podcast for example - is, “how can we create sustainable habits? Or how can we create habits that actually stick?” Everybody wants to know how, with such busy lives, we are able to create and maintain healthy habits. So today, I’m going to tell you! 

If you could ask me a question about habits, what would it be?

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. I help women who are making an impact live a life by design, not by default. Using the incredible tool of Healthy Habits, I  educate and empower women to prioritize their own health and wellness, so that they can feel great in their body and show up powerfully for the people depending on them.

Part of what makes my clients and students so successful, is that they have sustainable and supportive habits. These are routines and rituals that allow them to experience life, and to grow in their businesses and relationships. The habits themselves are unique to each person, which is why a list of “healthy habits” isn’t what I’m going to share with you today – nope. 

What I WILL share with you are strategies for creating habits that stick, so that you can live a life with less stress, and burnout.

[01:45] Pulse Check 

A business value I have is honesty. It is very important for me to be honest and transparent about what I share, so before we get into all the strategies I wanted to do a pulse check. We can do it together. 

On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being burnout, and 5 being balanced, where do you fall?

Personally, there’s a lot going on in my life. We’re moving into a new house next week, I’m teaching more than I thought I would be this month, and on top of it all, I am pregnant. This is my first time saying it outloud and online!

We’ll have to do another show about my fertility and pregnancy journey this year – let me know if you’re interested! But for now I will say that pregnancy has been a very humbling experience and really helped me solidify boundaries in my life. (More about this later).

How do you want to feel?

If you are new here, get used to this question. Our feeling word is foundational to our healthy habits. 

For me, I want to feel present. Present in my physical body, present when eating meals, present with the people or person I’m with, and present in my work.

You may also like… 

Episode 229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles & Staying on Track 

Episode 235: Tiny Habits: Small Changes That Change Everything (Book Report)

Episode 236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time & Energy

Episode 240: Healthy Habits for Busy People: How to Incorporate Healthy Habits into Your Busy Life

Last question, how do you define balance?

This is a big one, and sort of a trick question. The answer to this question will really dictate your next steps, since the episode is called “From Burnout to Balance.”

This is also our first strategy.

[03:08] Strategy #1: Define Balance

The truth is, balance looks different for everyone. It may also look different to the same person, but at different times or seasons in life. Can you relate?

After doing that very basic pulse check we would have learned: where we’re at currently, where we want to be/how we want to feel, and by defining balance, we have a very basic idea of how we could create that balance and connect to our feeling word.

For me to feel present with a busy schedule, I need to have a schedule that isn’t booked out with back to back meetings. I want to be able to look at my calendar and not feel like I’m driving around to different places every day or back and forth. In this season of life, balance looks like daily intentional movement. 

I originally thought I’d go to the gym today, but it was so beautiful out, I wanted to go for a bike ride. However, since we’re moving my bike is behind a bunch of boxes and I wasn’t interested in moving all of them so I went for a lovely walk around my neighbourhood instead. 

When you can define balance for yourself, you can start to make changes, and/or choices that support this way of life for you. Maybe you define balance by how you start your day, or by the type of food you nourish your body with? Perhaps you feel balanced when you ask for help or when you have a restful sleep.

In terms of your sustainable habits: say yes to things that align with your feeling word/definition of balance, and say no to anything that doesn’t align with them. The more you choose to align with your feeling word and definition of balance, the closer you get to balance!

For example: My feeling word is present, and my schedule today has six things on it. The first four things are inside or around my house, and the last two are near/in my studio. I’m driving today, but not to more than two places. My tasks are not overloaded and I’ve given myself ample time to complete the tasks at hand.

[06:06] Strategy #2: Begin the Day with Intention

While this is similar to the first strategy it makes things a little more specific on the day to day. For example, I mentioned I’m in a busy season of life, and I want to feel present in all areas of my life. With our move coming up I’ve blocked time in my calendar for packing and organizing and all that. But that’s not every single day in my calendar. Today and tomorrow, I am in front of small groups of people and I am also producing the podcast, so these first two days, I want to feel present, clear, and compassionate. While the days/times I’m packing I want to feel efficient, prepared, and organized.

Starting your day with intention not only sets you up for the day and tasks ahead, but it’s also a simple ritual to help ground yourself. To look at what actually HAS to be done, where your energy, focus, and priorities are going.

It will make the world of a difference if you do this practice before anything else in the day. Before checking social media, emails, or texts. I use my morning beverage to stir in my intention/feeling word(s) for the day and as I mindfully drink the beverage I imagine the word(s) going into and fueling my body.

Checking your phone before setting an intention is a surefire way to the road of burnout. It may bring up feelings of anxiety or the need to leap into action immediately, when the person who messaged you could probably wait. (Assuming you aren’t an on-call surgeon or midwife or something).

[08:20] Strategy #3: Put Your Phone Down

Speaking of stop checking your emails first thing in the morning – put your phone down! Technology is incredible, I love it! I really do. I wouldn’t be able to have this podcast, or my coaching business without it. But OH MY LANTA it is a huge distraction!

Not only is it distracting, but depending on which accounts you’re following on social media, it can also be energetically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Apps like TikTok and Instagram WANT you to spend all day on them. They have teams of people researching and developing systems to keep you on the app for longer. 

If you want to know how much time you spend on particular apps, go to the screen time setting on your phone to get a cold hard truth of your usage.

Most phones have built-in softwares that allows you to limit how much time you speed on certain apps. Take advantage of this feature to automate this new habit – or I guess break this bad habit.

[09:35] Strategy #4: Set Solid Boundaries

Another way to maintain or move towards a more balanced life is to set solid boundaries, not just with your phone, but in business, relationships, with yourself!

This is one of the most impactful habits to get into, and the best place to start is by not replying to requests so urgently/immediately. 

For example, if someone asks you to do something and you know you don’t want or cannot take this task on, you could say: “Hi (name of person asking), thank you so much for thinking of me for (task). I appreciate you reaching out. Unfortunately, the timing of this conflicts with my current commitments and I will not be able to take this on.”

Then you could write that you would be interested in something similar in the future, or perhaps offer a suggestion of a more available and suitable alternative of who could help.

If someone asks you to do something and the request lacks details, or you need more time to think about it, you could reply: “Hi (name), thank you so much for thinking of me for (task). Could you please share the absolute deadline of when you would need this to be completed for? (and any other details you may need).”

This response allows you to really understand the urgency of the task. If it’s something that doesn’t have to be completed for weeks or months, perhaps you can add it to your plate. But if it needs to be done by end of day, or end of week, it might not be the task for you!

Remember, check in with your feeling word and definition of balance. Does this ask pass the test?

Clarity is a huge part of boundaries. When I’ve got a lot going on at work, and my partner is on me for little house things or future plans and it’s not within my capacity to answer the questions, I calmly and clearly say, “Babe I’ve got a lot going on at work, and I want to give you my full attention, but I don’t have it in me right now. Can we discuss this together (this evening over dinner).”

Or when I know I’m heading into a busy work week or launch, I will let him know the week in advance that I’m going to be needing some support, or I will be prepping for the week early and will need more of his patience. That sort of thing.

So I guess that’s clarity AND communication. Be clear with what you have to give, and communicate it to the right people.

Not just others, but yourself too! Sometimes I have to say no or not now to things I really want to do because I don’t have the bandwidth for it. When we overcommit ourselves, we only end up burning out, or not performing as best as we would have, and that can spoil experiences and relationships. 

A couple episodes back I talked about implementing habits into your busy life. Something I shared in this episode was that you cannot show up as your best, if you are not prioritizing yourself and your own health. Burnout looks like disease or sickness, and balance looks like health, energy, and vitality. 

Choose your own self care over a too full plate that leads to burnout. 

Episode 240: Healthy Habits for Busy People: How to Incorporate Healthy Habits into Your Busy Life

[13:33] Strategy #5: Be Aware of Burnout Symptoms

Sometimes change happens very quickly, or we accidently let things fall through the cracks, and BAM we’re overwhelmed with life. Burnout can hit us hard, or it can creep up on us. Either way, there will be times where we fall out of balance. It’s okay.

With the strategies and examples I’ve shared with you today, my hope is that you have some tools that help you bring more awareness into your life, and how you’re feeling. You can do the pulse check as often as you need – daily if you need it!

When you feel your balance scale sliding too far to burnout. Stop. Take a pause, a break, a beat, a moment – whatever you need!

Do something for yourself that supports YOU and your well-being, evening if that “thing” is doing nothing. 

If you can maintain awareness in your life and with your energy, you can maintain better balance as well, they are directly related in my opinion. 

[15:02] Recap

Let’s do a quick recap of today’s episode!

Define what balance means to you. Say yes to anything that aligns with your feeling word and definition of balance, everything else is a “no thanks.”

Begin the day with intention. Distraction free, just you and your feeling word, what energy are you starting the day with, and taking into your life?

Put down your phone. Limit distractions as often as possible. Automate timers, reminders, and phone settings to limit the time you spend on your most distracting apps.

Set solid boundaries. From technology, to work, to relationships, to ourselves. Clarity and communication are foundational for setting and maintaining boundaries. They’re supportive, not restrictive.

Be aware of burnout symptoms. Get in the habit of bringing awareness to your environment and your energy. When feelings of overwhelm arise, take the time you need to reset. 

Need a starting point? Do the pulse check I shared at the beginning of this episode! Which of the five strategies will you be implementing? Let me know in the comments below this video, or share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E241: Better Your Personal Brand to Create Impact and Income with Marina Girgis

Marina is a brand expert helping freedom obsessed entrepreneurs build true to self personal brands to grow their platforms, income and live vivaciously…

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Valerie LaVigne:  Please join me in welcoming Marina to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Marina, thank you so much for being part of the show today. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here and I'm really excited because we're talking about a topic that we don't necessarily discuss very often on the podcast, but I find it really important and I know that this is kind of your zone of genius, we'll call it.

[00:12] The Impact & Importance of Personal Branding

Can we start with. Speaking to what personal branding is and why it's so important?

Marina Girgis: Thank you, Valerie, for having me. I'm so excited to talk about that topic because I truly believe that every person listening today has a personal brand, whether they know it or not, they do have a personal brand. The idea is what is personal branding and.

How can you actually uncover what this is for yourself? So personal branding is basically the process of uncovering what your unique talents and skills are and your expertise. To market yourself or position yourself in, in a particular industry as the expert. So it deals more with the human, your story, your values, what you stand for, what you believe in, what do you actually care about and you wanna advocate for.

So Valerie, you advocate for women's empowerment. Hence the name of this podcast and why I'm here today. And that's something I believe in in my business, living Vivaciously, but also my personal brand. So this is how people can come together too. That's how you can see opportunities. So that's personal branding in a nutshell.

VL: That's so great and one of the things that I've learned from following you and seeing your journey is that you really tie in your personal brand into your business. And I think what, what I've understood and what I get to see through my lens is that. I relate to you more because you've created this brand that is very humanized and I feel very connected to you because we share a lot in common.

We both like wooy things. We both like travel. You know, we were both talking about Mercury retrograde is ending today, but these are some things that maybe don't specifically have to do with your business, but they really attract the ideal client. 

[02:29] Putting the “Personal” in Personal Branding to Magnetize Your Ideal Client

So would you say that's also part of personal branding? Like is that what helps. get the right community towards you or gravitating magnetizing to you? 

MG: Absolutely. I, I think so. Imagine, you know, you are into all the, as you called it, the woo things. You know, you're into astrology, you do tarot, all the things we know and love, and then you get a client and. In, in your client call or as you're working with this client, they're like, oh my God.

They get so triggered by maybe you mentioning, you know, spirit or saying, oh my God, like Zoom is not working for me today cuz it's Mercury retrograde and they're like, You know, and then people will feel that disconnect. Usually the clients I get are into the same things that I am, because I do share about that in my personal brand.

So I feel like it's important in terms of like, I keep it, you know, attract and align community or a community. That is also into the same things as you. They don't need to be like you, but they're even support the things that you do or they're curious about them or they like the same things. And I think that already removes the barrier or like the ick of like selling too because you are just showing up and being you and talking about the things that you love to talk and people are DMing you.

You know, being curious about the things that you're doing with your life. I also love to travel and oftentimes I put. I put travel as a core topic into my business. Even though I don't sell anything to do with travel, I just help people build their personal brand in a way that could support their freedom so that they can travel or do whatever else they wanna do to support their ideal lifestyle.

So I think it's important to bring in these personal elements because they do connect us as humans first. And then as a service provider, for example, to another, you know, and that's how I can help other business owners build their personal brand. 

VL: Oh, that's so good. You said words like disconnect and not in alignment and it, it makes me wanna ask the question of the challenges or the roadblocks that people face when it comes to building their personal brands.

[04:25] Building the Brand: Overcoming Obstacles, Challenges, and Roadblocks

Can you speak to maybe some of those common challenges and how do you help people overcome those obstacles?

MG:Yes. 

Oh, okay. There are a few, but I think one of the biggest ones are, I love to talk about traveling. I love to talk about spirituality, but I feel like people will not like me anymore. People will unfollow me, or no one's gonna buy from me, or it's gonna discredit who I am as an expert.

I feel like that's one of the biggest, honestly, one of the biggest roadblocks that I've seen with like the hundreds of clients that have helped with like brand coaching and brand strategy is that they feel that when they show up as a human, that takes away from their expertise. And it blows my mind because, I could think of a lot of the brands that I love, and I don't know Valerie, if you have any brands that you could think of too, but like brands that that we love.

We love because of the human or the ethics or the values that they put out there, whether it's on social media or in their packaging. It the depends on where we're buying from and what the product is but what they're about and what they support. Is very important. So I think a lot of people get stuck on that and they then shy away from showing who they are in their brand especially like in the, in social media where they need to create content and they're usually the person creating the content.

This is again, what blows my mind is like you are the person creating the content. If you are not showing up being you and you're showing up, like trying to put up a professional facade of some sorts or like this, you know, maybe you worked with a branding strategist and they told you, well, your brand is professional and trustworthy and you gotta use the color blue because this is what shows you know that you are professional and trustworthy and you go on and like try to create content being professional and trustworthy using the color blue, and you absolutely hate it.

And why do you hate it? Then you don't show up. You hate it because it's not you. Because it doesn't, it doesn't spark your joy. It doesn't make you wanna get up and share who you are. But you know how I was talking about selling becomes easy and it remove the ick when we're just showing up as humans and just sharing.

Like here, I'm on a farm in Tuscany right now, playing with the chickens, you know, when I'm done with work. So I mean, some people will be like, I wanna do this. How did you get there? Share more with me. Or, ooh. Like, those are my values too. I wanna live a simple life and, you know, live on a farm and play with chickens instead of, you know, buying a Louis Vuitton.

And nothing wrong with that, but those are my values. That's how I spend my money. So yeah. 

VL: Yeah, I love that because a lot of the times, you know, you start. Following all these different people, but they all start sounding the same. They all start showing up the same and wearing the same colors and speaking in the same tone of voice.

And it's because of what we were told to do or how we were told to act. And if you wanna sell something, you need to be the professional and trustworthy tone and brand voice and all that. So I like that you encourage, you know, sprinkling in. So, All the different things that you're doing, even though it doesn't have to do with your business.

And you're right, I love travel. I love that you've created this freedom lifestyle where you can travel and work at the same time. And it's like this, it's a lifestyle brand as well. Right. And that is what really appeals to me. And that's something that I know obviously your followers and your clients also agree with.

It's this, they're attracted to this lifestyle that you've created. And they like the same things as you. And so I feel that the more you show up as yourself and the more authentic you can be, just the more right clients you're gonna attract. And yeah. Okay. Maybe people will start unfollowing you because you're being more authentic.

But what I always say is those aren't your people. So just let them go. Something else. I know that I, I'm gonna 

straight up, I've struggled with this too. It's that 

I've tried to create my service first. And this is actually something that you had mentioned earlier before we rec we're recording and I was like, oops.

Yep, that's me. So this is another obstacle or challenge that people face. It's like they're creating their service first. Can you speak to this obstacle and how. How you would help someone like me overcome that. 

MG:Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's, it's very normal to think that business means creating offers and services into this world, you know, or thinking like, oh, okay, I'm gonna quit my job, or I'm getting ready to quit my job, so obviously I need money.

So, What does that mean? I need to create a service or an offer. And then you pick kind of like the first thing that comes to mind. You're like, okay, I'm a fitness, a fitness coach, so I'll just offer, you know, a one-on-one zoom call where I do exercises with my clients or put them on a particular meal plan.

And then later on you realize that you are more than that and that there's more that you can offer people and that you actually enjoy maybe the mindset aspect. And you go into that, or maybe you're combining mindset and woo, and you wanna become a spiritual coach or mentor of some sorts, and now you're stuck because you've created this business around you being a fitness coach.

And the reason I find that this is a problem is that then people are like pivoting nonstop, but then they're exhausted because they feel like, well, I don't know what I am and I feel stuck, and this is not even bringing me money because it connects to the first point, which is. It's not even about them anymore.

They were just creating this so that they can make a quick buck. So I tell people, if you are trying to quit your job, or if you already did and you started a business and you started it because you wanna sell something to make some money, then this is fine. Right? Make the money, it's okay. But if you are starting a business and you want it for the long term and you wanna create a brand with it, because we have to differentiate business from brand.

Business is like the offers, the systems, the money, the branding is the legacy. It's what people remember us for, what people associate with our brand. It's not also just the colors. I know. Most people know this, but reiterating. But the colors are part of it because it's part of the vibe. So when you're thinking about how can I build something for the long term, I want you to think about first, you know, what do I want for my life?

How do I wanna live my life? I almost actually started a completely wrong brand that wouldn't support me being in Tuscany right now. You know, like traveling the world or. Doing the things that I love to do at my own pace because I studied fashion design and after graduating college, I went and worked in corporate design and I absolutely hated it.

But when I left, I thought, you know what? I still have my dream of becoming this like well-known creative designer, so let me, you know, start my own fashion brand, but. What I didn't think about at that time is starting my fashion brand would mean I need production. I need to stay in one place to produce garments, to do fittings.

There's so much that goes into creating a fashion brand. You know, the garments, they go from sketch to, you know, drafts, and then you have to fit them on a model. Then you send them back to factories. All those things. Like, and like, just thinking about that right now, like I, I can't even imagine because that's not what I wanted for my life.

So understanding what you want for your life first, how many hours do you wanna work? What kind of business do you wanna go into? Do you know what you're passionate about? Like create a running list of like all the different things that you love doing. Is there a way to combine them? You know, because there can, you will get an offer and that's gonna be kind of like your, your soulful offer that you're gonna love to do over and over and over again.

For me, that's brand build your brand, basically brand coaching. When you first decide how you wanna work, how do you wanna live, and what are your passions and how can you combine them? And then also deciding who do you wanna help? Because some people like the example of the fitness coach, they might realize they don't wanna help people who just wanna lose weight.

You know, they might find that kind of like, yeah, I've just done that. I don't wanna do that anymore. I don't wanna work with, with people like that. I wanna work with people who want something different for their life to expand their spiritual world, for example. 

VL: Hmm. I love that it's really looking at the finer details of what feels good for you with the future in mind and with that longevity in mind.

And I really felt myself in this example as well, cuz obviously I am in the fitness world as well. So I'm a Pilates teacher and studio owner and. There are people who kind of just come to you because they wanna look a certain way, and I know that that isn't my brand, and I know that those aren't necessarily my people.

However, what I do find is as they get to know me more, they start to find themselves more. They start to see themselves in a different way, and it's not about. You know, looking good for a certain wedding or for a certain season, but it's really about feeling good in your body for the long term and creating that lifestyle around it.

[27: 23] Where to Connect with Marina 

So I'm so glad you you said that because it's really like getting curious about what feels good for you. What would you love to do? How would you love to wake up every day? And I think a lot of people forget that when they're starting their business or even as they're continuing and maybe pivoting in their business with.

Why am I not happy with where I am? What needs to change for my life? So, ugh, so good. I feel like I need to take a moment to, to journal after this with my tarot 

cards. So 

many good things. Yeah.

MG: Yeah.

[14:51] How Travel has Influenced Marina’s Approach to Helping People Create Impact and Income

VL: You've talked so much about how you've traveled, you've worked with these big brands, which is so incredible, and I love how through your journey, you've really navigated to this.

This place of coming home to yourself. And I think that's something so powerful and I'm, I'm pretty sure, I'm trying to remember when I started following you, I feel like you were in Brazil, but now I'm not sure. And then you were in the States and you were in Greece and now you're in Italy. Like it's just so fun to watch this global life journey of yours.

So I'd love to hear how this travel throughout your life, even in just the short amount of time that I've been following you, how has this influenced your approach to helping people and entrepreneurs create impact and income through their personal brands? 

MG: Yeah. I feel like this question is very hard to answer because you know, I've been traveling for three years.

I've been on this no matting around World Journey, trying to find, you know, what is home and redefine what that means for me. I think the, the impact is, well, first of all, I learned so much from the people I made and the cultures that I'm in. It's incredible how much you can learn and how many teachers you meet when you're traveling.

It doesn't matter. It could be like you like missing a flight or something like that, and then someone next to you tells you a word of wisdom and you take that and you know, changes your whole life. I feel like I've had many moments like that and I usually bring a lot of stories from my travel into my content and I teach through that.

And I've noticed that I actually have been encouraging my clients to be observant. In their life. A lot of times people think, okay, I'm gonna write my brand story and it's gonna be this like cute little paragraph about who I am and like my experiences and that's it. Never look at it, never use it. So, In my approach with helping people build their personal brand, part of it is leaning into not just the story that you know about yourself.

Like, oh, I am a single mother and I've gone through these challenges raising my child and I wanna talk about this. Or, you know, with my partnership, something like that. No, look beyond that. What do you have to do every day that is different? You know that maybe not everyone does. Look at the simple things, observe the little stories, like when you're going to pick up your coffee, maybe something happened all the way, or maybe you had, I.

A funny interaction with the barista or something like that. And then we begin to start to really tell stories that connect with our audience, but also connect back to our, to our life. So I feel like I've learned a lot about storytelling from traveling, and I've begun to actually teach. A lot of that to my clients.

I feel like before traveling, I knew that was something that was important for personal branding, but I wasn't able to unlock how to do it. And with traveling, I was able to, because I was actually like living a lot. And in one moment, like I, I swear like one week here on the farm with the people I'm living with, it feels like a month because a lot is happening.

So I'm like, oh my God, writing all these stories down, like, and how they connect back to my brand and what are the teaching moments? I feel like there's a lot that we can if we're being mindful and present and observant of like what's happening in our life, we can have a lot of really amazing stories that one can change your life and other people's lives and connect them to you, and then therefore helping you make more money or attract more opportunities.

VL:Oh, I'm so glad you said that, cuz I love storytelling. I think it's so powerful and for myself, I was getting caught up in the mindset of like, oh, I'm feeling stagnant. I haven't been traveling in a while. The trips that I've been on haven't been the ones that really. Like they weren't led by me like usually.

So let me, let me backtrack here cause I'm starting to ramble. But I used to solo travel a lot and it was something that I really loved and really enjoyed. And now that I'm with my now partner who wasn't super into travel before we met, but have has lived this life of. Lived in three different continents.

So he's had all these travel experiences and now that we're together, he is starting to understand and value travel more. However, we have very different ideas of where we would like to go. So we've been kind of finding these compromises in our travel. So while we've still been able to take some trips, They haven't been the, like month long or two week, even long trips that I really love to do because he works for a corporate job and doesn't have the same flexibility that I do.

So it's, it's been a really interesting learning experience for me and all this to say because I have been feeling kind of like blah about. I don't live a mundane life by any means, but I just feel like because I'm not having these exotic adventures, I don't have these really great stories, but it's not true.

Just like you said, you know, maybe you had an interaction with a barista or maybe you went on a walk and you stumbled upon, you know, a tree fort that someone built in the forest that reminisced or reminded you of being a kid. So I think it's a really great reminder that. Whether you're going on these incredible adventures or whether your adventures are closer to home, you can still create this story.

And it, it really is closer to what you do and who you are in your brand. And I think that's a great reminder for people who, you know, maybe dream of one day living that nomadic life, but aren't necessarily there yet. I think that's really powerful. I love that. I love that so much. Yeah. Yeah. It makes me think too of like the multi-passionate entrepreneur, so I know for myself, I've had to pivot many times over the last few years because of unforeseen circumstances we'll call them and it is exhausting.

[20:53] Advice for Multi-Passionate Entrepreneurs 

You mentioned if you're constantly pivoting, it's exhausting. What is some advice you would give someone like myself, who is a multi-passionate entrepreneur or maybe who's still trying to discover. What direction they're going in. And so they're kind of trying a few different hats on how do we combine our passions together?

MG: I think the first thing is creating space for these passions to coexist in your brand. A lot of times I see my clients wanting to create, you know, their three or four content pillars and like, it's just very like black and white, you know, it's gotta be this, this, and this. And I'm always like, what if you created a content pillar or a core message in your branding that is about you, that is about you as a human?

So that way as you evolve, because we all evolve, you know, and change a lot, as you evolve and change, you feel like that your brand is evolving with you. And that's the beauty of, of having a brand, not just the business. Because with a, with a business, you could have like a core signature offer. You know, like your, your 10 weeks coaching program and everyone knows they can enroll with you in your 10 weeks coaching program, spring and summer, something like that.

But then your brand is always in evolution and as your brand evolves, you are allowing that to come through in your messaging and your content and you get to play. You know, I also think the. I feel like I don't have like a very specific answer to this, but the, because it's more than that. It's more than just giving a remedy, right?

It's, it's about a mindset of like getting curious, just like how I said, get curious and observe the things that happen in your life daily. It's also getting curious about. What if I shifted a little bit, but not necessarily change my whole brand because I'm like bored of it or change my whole business because like I'm tired of it.

You know? Because you're creating space in your business for you to evolve and change, and you're creating space in your brand for you to communicate who you are as a person. So if you're doing that, I almost guarantee that you and the brand will evolve seamlessly. I mean, my brand has evolved the last four years.

A lot. I used to offer this package where I designed custom templates for people. It was just that, and I was like, no, no, no, no way. I'm gonna do a strategy for people. Even though, you know, I've been doing it, I, I, you know, I had to do it in fashion design, all those things. No way. I'm just gonna design templates and do those, and.

That's it. That's what my whole brand is gonna be about my business. That's where the confusion is, like that was my business, not my brand. And then slowly, when I was showing up, I was talking about all the different things that make me who I am, and then my business started to follow. So the business was following my evolution and I started to include brand strategy and then how can you build a brand that supports the freedom lifestyle that you want?

So it's constant evolution in my offers as I grow, but I'm not completely shifting and pivoting my. My brand every six months. That's exhausting, and I see it all the time, but I can guarantee you, Valerie, that it's people who are bored of their brand too. Like they're just bored. They look at it and they're like, my God, this does not even look like me.

This does not even represent who I am. So you're just like, oh, I wanna trash it and start over this constant, I wanna trash it and start over. I hear it all the time. 

VL: Yeah. Yeah, I see it all the time and I always think, wait, didn't you just redo your brand? Like I just, and then I'm like, who has the time for this?

[24:51] Start with These Journal Questions to Understand Your Personal Brand Better

Who has the time to redo this entire thing? That's so interesting. Yeah. Okay. I love that. I have, I have a lot of work to do. I feel like I lot of inner work to do what are maybe like. Two or three questions someone could start with today after listening to this conversation and they're wanting to get curious, what are some things we could ask ours, ask ourselves or journal on to help us understand our personal brand better?

MG: Sure. So I would say start with what are some things that I'm really good at and. You know, I haven't really explored getting paid for them or maybe I'm really passionate about them and potentially could get paid for. And I would make a list of like, just all the things that you're passionate about, talking about, like if you're passionate about tarot, if you're passionate about astrology, put those down.

You don't need to be an expert. Because I feel like that's also a roadblock that people get. You don't need to be an expert. So what kind of topics and things beyond the brand and the business right now that I'm passionate about? The other one is like, how do I truly wanna live my authentic lifestyle?

What does that look like? What would be an ideal day in my life? What would I do in that day? What would my workday look like? So that's like kind of like one question about your lifestyle. And then maybe the last one is what are some maybe ideas or concepts that I want my brand to be known for? So what would anchor my brand in people's minds?

Because I feel like that anchor would help prevent you from feeling like, Confused about who you are and what your brand is and wanting to vi pivot, but also other people, they will feel like, okay, I can go to Valerie for this thing. I can go to Marina for that thing. You know, it's just like a signifier in a way.

So, and anchor idea for your brand. 

VL: I love that. I think that's going to give people a lot more insight into what they're creating or how they're showing up. Even just those little tweaks. For sure. This has been so wonderful. Before we move into our rapid fire round of the podcast, is there anything that hasn't been said that you've really love to share?

MG: Mm. Okay. I think we've said mostly everything that needed to be said about building a brand that feels like you building an authentic brand and an authentic brand presence. Yeah, I feel, I feel good about everything we've shared so far. 

VL: I'm so glad. All right.  Where can we find you? Where can we follow you and how can we support your business? 

MG: Okay, so you can find me on Instagram @vivaciouslymarina. And you can also check out other resources that I have, such as my blog, my newsletters pretty active there at livingvivaciously.com.

INSTAGRAM @vivaciouslymarina

WEBSITE livingvivaciously.com 

Also linked in the link in my bio on Instagram. Also, you can. Join one of my programs. I have a course that I'm working on that's coming up. It's the revamp of my signature offer because I, you know, do as I preach and my business has been evolving, I have been evolving and I'm turning my signature offer into a course so that it's more accessible to more people at different stages of their lives.

So be on the lookout for that. I also take one-on-one clients. If you're interested in going on a deep dive, a journey of uncovering what is your true to self brand, and I can support with that. 

[28:28] Rapid Fire Round

VL: Amazing. All right, the rapid fire round. Are you ready? 

MG: Oh, okay!

VL:  Question number one is what are you currently reading or what is your favorite book? 

MG: Hmm. All About Love by Belll Hooks.

SHOP THE BOOK ON AMAZON (affiliate)

VL: Okay, I haven't read that. Question number two is what does empowerment mean to you? 

MG: Ownership.

VL:  Question number three, what is your longest standing habit?

MG: My morning routine.

VL:  Ooh, tell me about it!

MG: So I meditate, I flip to a random page in my 365 everyday Tao book. And I journal.

VL: That's so beautiful. And the last question is, what are you currently working towards?

MG: My course and a podcast.

VL:  I'm so excited for your podcast. I was like, oh my gosh, when I saw you post that. That's so great. 

MG: Thank you. I, I need all the tips from you because honestly, I didn't think like starting a podcast would be this hard, but I mean, it's not like it's hard, but I feel like there's so much like. Of like planning that needs to happen. And I'm like, oh my God. 

VL: There's a lot that goes into it that I don't think people recognize.

But yeah, I can definitely give you some tips. Thank you so much for being on the show today. This was, A great conversation. I feel like it's really sparking the curiosity in myself and the wanting to take action on the three questions that you shared in journaling on those. So I'm excited to, to dive into that.

But yeah, just again, I wanted to really acknowledge you for the work that you do, the, the way that you support people, the way that you show up in this very vivacious way exactly to your brand. You are definitely practice what you preach, and it's such a, it's such a joy to follow you and an honor to have you on the show. So thank you so much again. 

MG:  Oh, I'm blushing. Thank you so much for having me. This was so fun, Val.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E240: Healthy Habits for Busy People: How to Incorporate Healthy Habits into Your Busy Life

The irony of this episode title when this podcast episode is coming out late because life just got hella busy on my end! Nevertheless, I do have some really great tips and tools for you in this episode. And since you’re a busy bee like me, I’m going to aim to keep this one short and sweet so that you can use your precious time on taking action!

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, thank you so much for choosing this show, it means a lot to me. These days it feels like life is coming at me hard and fast, and with full transparency it has not been easy. 

What I can vouch for is that there are certain habits and routines that really keep me grounded during these busy times, as well as specific priorities that allow me to juggle more without affecting my health.

One of my personal values is health and wellness. When life gets busy this becomes my number one priority. Why? Because without optimal health, I am useless to the people around me. I am not completing tasks, or I’m rushing which leads to more mistakes and then we’re just doing twice the work with half the energy.

I prioritize my health and well-being through habits like: 

A Consistent Sleep Schedule. I know that for me personally, I need 7-8 hours of quality sleep every night. One of the key ways to get quality sleep is to go to bed and wake up around the same time every day. I aim to go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 every night, and hopefully on the earlier side. Waking up feeling rested can really set the tone and energy for the day, so this is huge!

Eating Whole Foods. I started eating breakfast again in the last couple years, and while breakfast looks a little different each day or week, I start the day with whole foods and a balanced meal. Ideally something high in protein. Throughout the day I choose snacks, and meals that include greens, veggies, more protein, and foods that aren’t in packages with a long list of ingredients as often as possible.

Staying Hydrated. Currently sipping on ice water – usually I’m more of a room temp water kind of gal, but lately all I want is ice ice baby! If you’re an avid listener of the show, you will know that I’m obsessed with my Hidrate Spark water bottle. It has a bluetooth scale at the base which measures my water intake for the day through an app on my phone. It’s a more expensive water bottle, but it’s also the only water bottle I’ve had for this long that I actually use and it actually helps me drink more water. 

Hidrate Spark Water Bottle

Daily Intentional Movement. This one habit could be improved currently, however there are some extenuating circumstances at this time. That being said, I do like to mix in different forms of movement throughout the week. From reformer pilates, to strength training, to swimming and more! Making movement a priority helps energy move through my body. I am more alert, focused, creative and able to do more when I am consistent with this habit.

While my physical health is huge, especially during busy seasons, mental and emotional health are also part of our well-being. For me, these habits look like:

Maintaining a Positive & Growth Mindset. While I have you here, I do want to say that I did not create/form all of these habits overnight – no way José! These habits have been formed over many months and some over years. They have evolved over that time, however they are now actual habits; they are part of my lifestyle. 

Everything that I’m sharing with you today is what has worked for myself, as well as many other people, but again they were not formed immediately. Some of these took a lot of time and patience. However, they are all incredibly impactful to my life, business, and relationships.

A positive and growth mindset is one of the mental and emotional health habits that I am constantly working on. My mindset is not perfect every day. It wasn’t too long ago that my mental health was really suffering, and I’m still feeling the effects of that darker time in my life. While I don’t feel like I'm in the thick of it, I do sometimes feel negativity and scarcity creep up on me now and again.

Having a growth mindset means you can see opportunity. You believe that growth is possible through dedication, and action. It doesn’t mean you don’t have down days, or you sometimes feel stuck, that can happen. It means that you pick yourself up and try again.

Another helpful mental and emotional health habit I have developed is Creating Healthy Boundaries. One of our early podcast episodes was titled 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries.

E34: 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries

This might be one of the most difficult forms of self care, and also one of the most important. Over the years, I have created boundaries around sleep, work, family, schedule, friends, social media and other habits, as well as how I allow people to speak to me or treat me. Again, not something that is always perfect, I definitely work on these things weekly, if not daily!

When it comes to being busy, having boundaries around my schedule has been huge! With work, I am capped out at a certain amount of hours per week for my teaching schedule. I do not take coaching calls on certain days or certain times of the day. Other examples include not teaching split shifts, and my phone is always on airplane mode from 9pm until around 6 or 7am.

This kind of piggybacks off boundaries with scheduling, and part of that is with a habit of Time Blocking. I don’t typically make to do lists, I time block. That means I have a very organized, and yes colour-coded calendar that has basically my entire life on it. From my coaching calls, to teaching schedule, to time blocked for when I’m driving places and for when bills are due – everything! I feel like I always have my weekly schedule up so I can see where I’m at and what I’m doing. 

When I’m creating my schedule or adding in appointments I’m very careful to book certain things because I'm looking at where and how else my energy is spent, what physical location I’m in to make sure I’m not wasting a lot of time driving around. This saves time, energy, and stress!

The last mental and emotional healthy habit for busy people I want to share is Taking (Guilt-Free) Breaks. Let me emphasize that REST IS NOT A REWARD! Rest is part of the process. In nature, and in life there are cycles. If we do not honour these cycles – especially women – then we risk coming out of alignment, which can be very damaging to our health, our projects, our energy, and so on. Schedule in breaks, vacations, and time off. The guilt might be there in the beginning, but you can learn to let that go when you start to see how powerful taking frequent breaks can be!

I’ve shared 8 incredible healthy habits for busy people, but how do we incorporate all of these into our lives? Short answer: You don’t. 

Allow me to explain: you don’t incorporate ALL of them at once. After listening to the eight different habits and routines, which ones are you already doing? Can you continue these or optimize these in any way? Start there.

Maybe you have an inclination to a specific habit I shared that you aren’t already doing. Great! What is a tiny action you can take today, and maybe tomorrow, and the next day to start incorporating this into your life? Keep it small, keep it simple. 

Experimentation is necessary when you’re pulling from examples of what has worked for others. You might need to time block your experiment, and most definitely give yourself grace and patience through this process.

Remember that habit formation looks different for every person, as well as for every habit. There is a unique process to forming a habit, just like you are unique! As a Healthy Habit Mentor, I’ve done the research and a lot of the experimentation myself as well as with the different personality types of each of my clients and students, so I can help you save more time and frustration during your healthy habit transformation!

Comment below this video, or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife, I’d love to support you with wherever you’re at!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E239: What Your Moon Sign Says About Your Healthy Habits

Ever since I was a little girl, I have LOVED astrology! My grandmother introduced me to it, and used to read me my horoscope when I was with her. As I grew older and deepened my interest and education in astrology I learned about more than our sun signs. I learned about moon signs, rising signs, birth charts, Saturn returns, aspects, and transits and so much more!

To this day my enthusiasm and curiosity of astrology only grows and I’m excited to share with you what your moon sign says about your habits!

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Welcome back to the podcast, I’m Valerie LaVigne your host and Healthy Habit Mentor. I use science and spirituality to help my clients build habits that actually matter.

One of my favourite tools to better understand my 1:1 Mentorship Clients, is the Birth Chart also called the Natal Chart.

If you’ve never seen your chart or heard of this before, I’m going to link two of my favourite astrology websites for getting a copy of your chart.

https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php (more exact chart)

https://chart.chaninicholas.com (whole-sign houses)

Already know your moon sign? Drop it in the comments of this video!!

Now if you’re watching this video, or if you remember seeing your birth chart for the first time, you might be scratching your head wondering what exactly you’re looking at. 

Essentially, your natal or birth chart is a map of the sky the moment you were born. It looks a little like a pizza pie with 12 slices and little toppings scattered all over. The slices represent “houses” and the toppings are actually symbols of different planets and asteroids and points in the sky. 

You’ll also notice each planet has a number with a degree sign beside it, and the crust of the pizza pie is labeled with the 12 zodiac signs. For the purpose of today’s episode, we’re going to focus on your moon sign. 

Once you have your birth chart, look for the small crescent moon graphic. The moon will be connected to a zodiac sign. This is your “moon sign.” On my birth chart, you can see that I have a Scorpio Moon. That’s all you need to know for today’s episode.

Don’t worry about the house or degree. If you’re interested in diving deeper into your birth chart, you can check out the links I’ve shared in the show notes and description of this video, and you can also book a Clarity Call with me, where we can dive deep into how to create the best habits for YOU and your moon.

The moon is important to understanding your habits because it tells us about our cravings and what we really want in life. It also reveals our habits, instincts, and our reactions. It is very telling as to how we express and deal with our emotions and tells us about our innermost needs.

[07:13] Fire Moons

Let’s take a deeper look at each moon sign, starting with our fire moons!

If you’re an Aries moon, don’t fall into the trap of all or nothing when it comes to your habits — instead, create playful routines that keep your energy sustainable. Aries moons can be impatient and have a difficult time waiting for things to happen. You have an inner fire and passion. While you like to act out your needs, you prefer instant gratification and you can be very defensive at times.

A Leo moon wants to be expansive! Create habits and routines that fuel your creativity and confidence. You’ve got a good sense of humour and like being the spotlight around people you love and trust. Play to the strengths of your organized self with habits that help you feel deeply connected to the special people in your life.

Those with a Sagittarius moon crave adventure. You’d be supported by creating flexible routines that allow you to expand and explore the world around you. Create habits and rituals that allow you to feel freedom and space in your daily life. Make sure your environment is bright and spacious as well, giving you the opportunity to attract newness into your life. While you might cringe at the idea of a regular routine, give yourself the grace to have flexible routines like “weekend exploring the outdoors.” This could be a different location each week, but the intention is the same.

[09:10] Earth Moons

You might notice some similarities with the moon signs and how I’ve organized them together in their element. As we go through the signs together, notice if there’s a moon sign YOU resonate with, or maybe you’re guessing the moon sign of someone you know. Here are the Earth Moons for you.

Someone with a Taurus moon is a creature of habit — but make it ✨extra✨ silk sheets, fluffy robe. Elevate those routines. It’s important for you to feel safe so building a solid and comfortable foundation will be key for you to feel content. You might not be easily persuaded, but once you’ve made a commitment you persevere. Learning to be more adaptive when the routine is interrupted could be a great skill to master to help you grow and evolve.

If you have a Virgo moon, you crave perfection and order in your routines. Don’t forget that crafting habits is a skill and it’s okay to experiment as you learn and grow. Focus on the little things in life that make you feel happy and secure, as well as the small things you can do to help you feel appreciated. Simplicity is key with your routines, take off any unnecessary pressure and eliminate any overwhelm when you can.

Those with a Capricorn moon are here to work hard for the long-term gain and take their habits and routines seriously. You have very practical and structured routines. Remember to have some fun along the way. Need some inspiration for your habits and routines? Look at the realistic goals you’ve set, and break those down into actions you can take every day to get there. 

[11:11] Air Moons

Opposite to Earth signs, Air signs can be hard to pin down. And since we’re talking about the moon and our emotions and cravings, think of mental stimulation and routines for this element. 

For instance, those with a Gemini moon need to be mentally stimulated. Habits around learning a new skill or topic can be beneficial to these moon placements. And definitely keeping routines versatile and varied is key! While this moon sign might feel unsettled, they are curious and like to explore different things. This could lead to a lot of projects that are a “work-in-progress.” While they can spend too much time looking around at what others are doing, they are the most adaptable and versatile of all the signs. Sometimes trying different routines to see which ones work best for you is what needs to be done before finding the right one.

If you have a Libra moon you crave balance and peace. Create habits and behaviours through experimentation until you find the right flow and alignment for you. Strong partnerships are also important to you, so consider certain rituals and routines that you could share with others on a regular basis. While striving for a harmonious life feels helpful to you, remember to enjoy the moments along the journey to creating your best life.

An Aquarius moon has rituals and routines rooted in values. You care about humanity and crave independence, so your routines have to make sense to YOU, even if they don’t make sense to the people around you. This moon placement is a lifetime student and extremely observant. Notice what rituals, or symbols catch your eye and curiosity. Perhaps you can put your own unique spin on a new routine.

[13:37] Water Moons 

We’ve learned about the fiery moons, earthy moons, airy moons, and now finally the emotional depths of the water moons…

Each planet has what’s called a “home sign” and the moon is at home in Cancer. Someone with a Cancer moon can be very nurturing and self-care might come easily to them. Just make sure your habits are helping YOU so that you can better help others. You like to seek out familiarity in your routines and rituals, but that doesn’t mean you can’t weave in newness into your existing routines.

A Scorpio moon wants to create transformation and have habits that go deeper than the surface level self-care. Two words: emotional intensity. You “see” what isn’t obvious to the rest of the world, which can sometimes lead to upheaval or dramatic ups and downs. Commit to routines that help you feel meaningful and go all in when it feels right to you. Listen to your intuition when it’s time to change up a routine, and tap into your strength when new habits feel tough to build at first.

If you have a Pisces moon, you’ll want your habits to include time alone as you can be highly sensitive and empathetic, so you need time to reset and come back to yourself. Give yourself room to dream, and create a grounding practice to help you keep the balance in your life and energy. You are compassionate, intuitive, and rituals that help you create boundaries will be very important for your life and relationships.

I’d love to know what you thought of today’s episode. DId you connect to your moon sign? Will you be tweaking some of your habits, routines, and rituals? Let me know in the comments below this video – or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife to share!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E238:with Amanda Hunter

Amanda Hunter is an embodied feminine leadership coach who ditched the 9-5 to follow her soul’s purpose where she gets to infuse pleasure and play with being of-service.

Blending woo with science, Amanda supports soulful entrepreneurs in cultivating their inner authority to become the leader of themselves first, and see their businesses expand as a result. She thrives on seeing women stepping into their power, playing bigger and taking up more space as they come to reside their true essence…

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have Amanda Hunter on the show today. Amanda, thank you so much for joining us All the Way from Australia, which is very far from here. So both of us are. Ready for either bed or ready to get outta bed. Exactly. But it's so, yeah. It's so great to have you. So welcome to the show. 

Amanda Hunter: Thank you so much for having me. And I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's opposite ends of the day for us, but I love that we're able to really connect and just share our stories and share what we're all about and be able to share that with your community as well, even though we're on opposite ends of the world.

VL: Yeah, it's pretty cool actually when you think about it, and it makes me think of also how. You know, people in the, the fields that we're in and the work that we do, we do things like this sometimes to get our message across or to share with others or to, you know, elevate or have elevated conversations.

We, we go out of our comfort zones. We connect with new people. This is the first time we're kind of connecting together in real time. And not just through email or dm. So it's all very exciting and. I know for myself, I, I was a little bit nervous. I, I was like, I've never recorded a podcast at seven in the morning.

Does my voice work at that time? It does. Definitely. Thank you. So that might sound a little different, but. But like I said, I'm excited to be here and I'm excited that we're connected in this way because a lot of what you share and a lot of what you educate on, and you know how I've kind of seen you on Instagram and and socials, is you show up and as this beautiful, incredible leader of light, of embodiment, of authenticity.

And it's quite empowering to see you because you'd not only speak. What you do and share what you do, but you, you live that as well. So I'm really excited to talk to you today about all of that, all the leadership and all the things. So can you tell us just a little bit about yourself and maybe how you got into this, I don't know if it's a niche or a topic or why you love it so much?

[02:45] Amanda’s Journey

AH: Yeah. There's so many different talking points around there, and I suppose starting how I actually got into this journey. I worked in a completely different field. I actually came from construction management, so completely different corporate. I was a contract administrator, and really it was something that I kind of fell into.

It was just something that I thought was the path that I was meant to follow. But when I actually had my kids and returning back to work, I think it's one of those sort of pivotal moments in life. You think, is this what I'm meant to be doing? Is this what lights me up? And the answer was no. But it took me a while to actually realize that.

And it's, it's just one of those things of when you actually start doing like that inner work and you start doing that soul work, you have that realization of where you wanna be, where you wanna go, but. When you are new to it all and you're not trusting your intuition, you tend to just dull it down. You think, no, no, no.

This is what society tells me to do. This is where I should be going with it all. And so that's what you do. And so I continued along that path quite some time and it wasn't until I actually started having some health issues that that was really the wake up call for me. And so when I finally got through all of that and had that dark night of the soul that so many people talk about, I just thought, you know what?

Life is too short. I can't do this. I can't go back to it. And it was time to really sort of like look inward and think, well what? What is it that lights me up? What do I love doing? And I've always been someone who is inspired by business and creating and wanting to actually build something that is my own rather than just following along.

But when I started my entrepreneur journey, I was just a baby entrepreneur. I didn't know what I was doing. And so I've had a few different iterations of my business to get me to the point where I am now. Funnily enough, I actually started in health coaching, which I believe is where you started as well, or where, where your qualifications came from.

And I think that's where so many people do sort of like enter the coaching space. They go, okay, well, What's my background? What have I done? And for me it was a health, and that's why I went into health coaching. It's, that's sort of just opening the door. And so once the door was open, I just sort of, my eyes were wide open too.

Like all the possibilities that are out there and what can I do with this? And I think this is where we start to see just, there is so much potential. There is so much out there in the world that we can do. But when we've come from like the corporate background, we've worked in a traditional nine to five, that's what we're being taught is available to us.

And so when I then sort of started doing my health coaching business, I thought, this is amazing. But where I really love working is more around that spirituality piece. I love the lifestyle, I love the life coaching aspect of it as well. And so that's then what I went into next. So that was like iteration too of my business.

And from there, it's just as you start to. Work further in this, and the more that you do it, you really start to hone into what it is that lights you up. And that is just so much of doing that inner work. It's about finding out who you are, what it is, what it is that you really love, and having the confidence to really step into that, not do the shoulds, not do what other people think you should be doing or others are telling you that you should be doing, but instead just like following your, your truth, following your essence.

But it takes time to get there. And so this is really, and I think your question was about like what does, what does leadership mean to you? And this is so much about what leadership is. It's about getting really comfortable with who you are, finding out what it is that you stand for, becoming that inner leader first.

So then you could then see that move outwardly in your business and. So I suppose that was just what really lit me up, what excited me, and I thought, look, if this is what I'm doing, I want to help others do exactly the same thing. 

VL: That's so lovely. And when you say it with your accent, it's even more beautiful.

But in all seriousness, I can definitely relate to that feeling of you're feeling like you're kind of wandering because you're not really sure where you're going. There's so much information out there, which one feels right for me? Or how do I define leadership for myself? And you kind of go through life unconsciously, and it's most of the time, Not our own faults, it's just we're going through the motions.

We don't stop to think about what that means or how we wanna show up. We don't stop to think about ourselves cuz we're constantly responding or reacting to things. So I'm so glad that you know, as, as much as you had that dark night of the soul, I think that's the universe's way to say, Hey, stop. Slow it down.

Take a moment and realize that this is not the path that we said we, we were gonna put you on. And you know, it obviously brought you to where you are now, which is in this incredible coaching world and helping all these people. So, you know, it's good and it's bad. 

[07:40] Listening and Responding to Life’s Whispers

AH: Definitely. And, and you're so right there as well about the universe.

We get these little whispers and. If we don't listen to them, they turn into this scream, and it's quite often that's when everything falls over. So let's just use health, for example. Say you've got these little twinges, you're like, I should slow down, but no, no, no, no, no. I need to keep my exercise routine.

I'm gonna keep pushing myself. I'm gonna work through the pain because that's what we're told to do. Work through the pain. Instead of actually then listening to our body, we are just continually pushing and pushing and pushing until our body turns around and goes, nah, that's it. I'm gonna set you out for a week.

You're gonna be lying down flat on your back. You're not gonna be doing anything. But it's about listening. Listening to the little whispers before they turn into those screams, and just stop us in our tracks.

VL: Oh my goodness. I'm so glad you said that, because it's very true. And not just for health, but in our businesses, in our relationships, in all areas of our lives.

[08:32] The Power of Mindset in Business and Leadership

So let's maybe shift gears and talk a little bit more about the mindset, because I feel like. We're always looking outwards as to what I should do, where I should start, how do I do this? But a lot of what you're saying is really touching in on our internal relationship and how we're thinking. And so look, can we like take a step into the mind?

What are some of the things, if we're someone who is. Newly navigating this space and wanting to understand our true selves and our  authenticity and kind of become more conscious as leaders. What are some things that we can do or say to ourselves or how can we get into that? In our mindset. 

AH: There's so many different moving parts to this, and I think something that shows up so often for people who are really new to business or new to mindset and things like that is this idea of comparison.

It is so easy to look outside of us and think that's what they're doing, that's working for them. I need to do the same and. It's great to get inspiration from people. It's great to get a lay of the land and see what's happening around the place, what's working, what's not working. But when that starts to then cross over from just market research, if you wanna call it that, into fullon comparison.

Then that's sending that down with Spiral. So that's one of the things that we need to really sort of conscious of when we are building our business or just in life in general, really, when we are looking at other people is to not compare. We don't see what's going on for them. We see the highlight reel of what's working, what they're wanting to show on Instagram or social media.

We don't see what's actually happening behind the scenes. And let me tell you, it's, it's not gonna be all sunshine and roses. It is. They're gonna be having hard parts that they're working through that they don't necessarily want to air for everyone to see. And just as a side note on that one, I mean, if I'm working through something as well, I'm not one to go and share exactly what's happening in the moment.

I will work through it myself, I will sit with it, I will integrate it, and I will share the lessons. So it's very, very different to sort of coming at it from like a dear diary entry of, Hey, this is going wrong for me. The world is caving in. But coming back to the mindset, There are so many different avenues to it.

There's lots of different practices that you can do as well, but it's really about coming back into yourself. It's about not looking at others and finding some practices that are gonna be really beneficial, beneficial for you. So for example, some people love journaling. I dabble in a little bit of journaling.

It's not my go-to, but it's something when I need to really work through what's in my mind. I find it a great way to get out what's in my mind onto paper. There are some other things that you can do. I mean, meditation and mindfulness are beautiful ones as well. There are, and I'm sure you are across all of these as well, like breath work and there's so many different things that you can do.

But what I'd really recommend is incorporating, say one or two that you can really use as your anchors when you are wanting to ground yourself, wanting to get in the zone, wanting to just come back to you rather than looking outward beyond yourself. 

VL: Yes, absolutely. And I also have dabbled in kind of all of those things.

And I think trying, one, seeing how it works. If it's great, keep it going. If it doesn't, try something new. And I will add one piece to that, and it's do that practice at the beginning of your day before you start looking at other people's work or before, even if you're not doing the r and d, if you're just.

Going on Instagram or on TikTok, it could be very overwhelming. And that's kind of what the app has meant to do, is to overwhelm us and suck us in. And so if we can set ourselves up with that foundation before going into the social media and all these things, it makes a huge difference in how you act or react on those sites.

It's what you're saying is so true. I know so many people who. Keep telling me they want to start a business, but they just don't do it. And all the things that are holding them back is like, it's not perfect. And I'm like, well, perfection is just another form of procrastination. My business is not perfect even today.

But it's true. Nobody shares those things with you. And even if they do, they're again, they're sharing the lesson, which is like, oh wow, that's so wise. But I didn't get there today. I got there because I had to go through a little blood, sweat and tears and nobody sees that part of it. Yeah. No one sees that.

You've just spent an hour trying to figure out why you deleted all of your email contacts. What happened to me one time? Oh my God. Oh no, I know. Like recently. Oh, oh no. Yeah, so we, 

[13:17] Perfectly Imperfect

AH: I mean, having a business is such a learning, like a, a learning group. It's part of your evolution. It's part of your growth.

It's part of learning. I mean, having a business is the biggest personal development journey you are ever going to go on. Mm-hmm. Like you said, you don't wake up on day one and go, I know how to do this. You look at the journey of someone who's been doing this. Years and you can see the progression. It's actually amazing to go back, find someone that you absolutely love and inspires you find their social media.

Scroll back a couple of years and you'll see that they're just like you. They just started. That was it. They put themselves out there just one foot in front of the next. They didn't care if it was perfect. So mean. Hey, let me tell you, some of my worst or best performing reels are actually the ones that I did in a couple of minutes.

I stuffed them up and then I've just gone really well. I thought, ah, whatever. It's not perfect. It's done a job. 

VL: Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's true. I've done that where I scroll down to other people's posts and I'm like, oh yeah, I used to do that, or, oh wow. Look how imperfect that is. I feel way better. But it's true because even for myself, even with this podcast, I had no idea what I was doing.

I had no clue what I was doing, and we are. Exponentially growing as a podcast and it's incredible to see. Like I remember celebrating my first 2000 downloads. I remember being so excited. I was like, oh my god, 2000 downloads. That's so crazy. It seemed like so much. And this year we hit over a hundred thousand downloads and that is just.

Like, but it's incredible. But people have said, who have kind of binged the, the podcast and have listened from the beginning and kind of go through. They say, Val, you can hear in your voice, you can hear the growth, you can hear the, the evolution as you say. So it's so exciting. It's, it's exciting for yourself to look back at what you've done and also to see your own mentors and the, the, the other people that you look up to.

So, yeah, I mean, I think we also just take things really seriously and we have to enjoy the process as we go. It's part of our growth. It's part of that development, my friend says Having a business or being an entrepreneur is a personal development with a paycheck. I was like, yeah, that's totally true.

AH: Definitely. And it's often not the paycheck in the beginning either. I mean, that's part of your learning. If you look at, say, a, a traditional nine to five, you're gonna get paid for your time. Every hour you, you sit on the seat, you're gonna get paid. But as an entrepreneur, those first months, years, whatever it takes.

Sometimes you're not getting paid your worth. And I think this is such a, a hit for, for so many people when they do start their business, they're thinking, hang on, I am so much better than this, and yet I'm getting paid nothing. And so they just tap out, which is really sad to see because I know that if they stuck with it and they did that mindset work, they did that inner work to really build their self-belief, then they wouldn't worry about that.

They'd be focused on the end goal, the impact they're gonna create, the people they're gonna help and just know that it is a long game because it is.

[16:13] Creating Safety in Business

VL: Mm-hmm. It's tough, right? Because I understand. I mean, we need money to live our lives and for myself, I have, as a manifesting generator, as you can relate, I have a lot of different projects.

I have a lot of different things that I, I love and I do, and so I teach Pilates and I own a Pilate studio. And I also do my health coaching business. And so I have these two things, and for a long time, the one really helped the other. The one was how I was kind of funding the other, but it allowed me to have that sense of grounding and security so that I could keep going.

Whereas I don't know, if I didn't have the two things together, I don't know if I would be able to continue the podcast to continue all these other projects that I have. Because I gotta put food on the table, right? Yeah. But I love it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But but there is that opportunity to do this in alignment with something else.

So, yeah, I mean, it's true. You just wanna say, hold on, just, just a little more, but obviously you can't. Tell them exactly how much time and Yeah, exactly. 

AH: And I mean, you've, you're spot on there. It's about that creating safety. And if we don't have that sense of safety, our nervous system is just all outta whack.

We're feeling stressed, we're feeling anxious, and that comes across in our work as well. And there's nothing worse than when you are showing up for your clients or you're trying to attract those clients in, and you're coming from this place of scarcity and you're coming from this mindset that's just.

All over the place, they can feel it. And so therefore it's then almost undoing all of that good work that you've gone and done in creating your business. So I get it. It's tough. It really is tough, and this keeps coming back to why it's so important to really do that mindset work, do that inner work, and make sure that you are building that belief and you are become, being really grounded in your confidence and knowing who you are so that you can go ahead and, and build that business even with all those perceived setbacks that you might be experiencing.

VL: mm-hmm and really coming back to what you're doing, why you're doing it, and just it again, it is such a self-belief for sure. Yeah. The amount of times I just need someone in my ear to be like, it's okay. We all go through this. Yeah. So definitely I would also recommend investing in a coach even early on.

And for me, I didn't have the means to do that, and so I, I found one or two people that I knew that I could binge their podcast or I could read their books or I could take their courses. So I might not have been working with them one-on-one, but I found ways to. You know, learned everything I could from their own journey through all these different platforms.

And so that was it. That was a huge part for me. And then continuing that was community and finding other people who do what you do or who do similar things. I can't tell you, I have a lot of friends who are not in the entrepreneurial world and it's hard to. It's not hard to open up to them, but it's hard to, for them to understand what I'm going through because they're like, just get a job.

You get benefits and you know, it's not that simple. And that's not really the quote unquote advice that I was looking for or the space that I want it to be held for me. And no, they're not necessarily doing the same mindset work. And so having that. Community, having a coach. Those are some really amazing resources, but also things to invest in when you're in those beginning stages or even now.

You're still, when you're still hanging on and you're still going through it definitely. Mm-hmm. 

[20:08] The Journey is Life-Long

AH: And I mean, we don't stop doing the work. I mean, the personal development work is, it's a, it's a lifelong journey. I remember back early on again, baby entrepreneur, I was thinking, oh yes, I've done the course.

I've sat down, I've done the Weeklong Entrepreneurial Personal Development Journey course, and I thought that was it. I'm done. But you haven't, you've just opened the door. There is more and more to unravel and the thing that comes up for you once is gonna come up again, but it's gonna come up in a slightly different version.

It's always going to be there. And so I like yourself. I a hundred percent agree on having a coach. It's someone that I've had, I've had quite a few different coaches throughout my time as well, and being able to go back to them and, oh, Just speak to them and get that clarity and that reassurance, and I'm not going crazy, am I?

And then you have, have your session and off you go again. And you are straight outta the gates and off you go. And you're amazing. You're feeling a hundred percent and just wanting to take on the world again. It's just the best feeling in the world. 

VL: Mm-hmm. It's so nice to have someone in your corner too, because like we were talking about, a lot of people just don't see what you're going through and they get it because they've done it.

Yeah. So many times people are like, oh, wow, you're doing such amazing things. I'm like, am I though? Because I feel tired. I'm so tired. Yeah. And I'm just like, and this is my nudge, my wink from the universe as they slow down. Just take a break. You're doing good things. You need to rest. It's okay. We've talked about the mindset. We've talked about surrounding ourselves with really good people.

[21:38] Ways to Build Our Inner Authority and Fully Embody Conscious Leadership

What are some other ways or perhaps some other practices that we could start doing that really helps us build our inner authority and fully embody that conscious leadership? 

AH: Hmm. Yeah. So there's two things that I really love to do and they kind of melt together.

One of them is around. Catching yourself with any thoughts or stories or beliefs that come up. And something that I really love to do is if I have this thought that comes up and it doesn't seem quite right, I say, is that really true? So is that really true or is that simply just a story that I'm telling myself in the moment?

And what I then do is I then go looking for evidence of it. So evidence to either support it or disprove it. Because if we think about everything in life, every experience that we have is simply our perception. It's not necessarily the real truth of what's happened. It is our truth. So everything is through this lens that we've applied and the lenses that we create based on our entire life experience.

So what's happened to us as a child through to now, that creates the lens for which we see everything in the world. So if we come back to the question, it's really about pausing and going, is that true or not? And so once we then discover the truth or the the mistruth of it, then that allows us to really take action based on that.

Another thing that I really love to do is to be able to interrupt and change my patterns or change my behaviors moment to moment. And this takes quite a bit of practice in doing so. And it really comes from the idea of metacognition, which is around becoming aware of your unconscious self. So it's about thinking about your thinking.

And the, the three steps to do this are really about uncovering it, observing it, and then changing it. So it's about becoming aware of what it is that you're doing or what it is that you are thinking, and then doing a bit of self-reflection. So having a look at the behaviors or having a look at the thoughts, or having a look at what is surrounding that particular thing that we've uncovered, and then it's about interrupting it.

So it's about self-correcting from moment to moment. And the more you do this, the better you get at it. The first time you do it, you're like, oh my God, how can I do that? This is icky. This doesn't feel right. But the more that you practice it can actually integrate it into. Your life, it starts to prune away those old circuits.

It starts to reprogram the new ones, and you can make sort of changes really, really rapidly in what you're doing. And I just think that's so, so important to be able to do that. In terms of like your growth, it's just, it's phenomenal once you start to master that. Mm-hmm. 

VL: I'm thinking of how I do this all the time, and I just sort of talk to myself.

And at first you're like, I'm a crazy person, but it actually really works. And I, I really believe that it's rooted in that mindfulness because you have to be able to recognize it, bring awareness to what's happening, and then, like you said, interrupt it. So, yeah. I, I love that. I love how you've explained it.

We talk a lot about. How habits are formed in our minds. And I talk a lot about the neuroscience and the neuro circuits, and a lot of these changes can be made through mindful practices, through meditation, through just taking a moment to pause. It's almost not doing something, but instead slowing down, taking a step.

I have a, a sticker here. I was tidying up my desk before this and I. Looked at the sticker and it says Slow and steady, but at first, because it's very early in the morning, I read it as slow two Steady, and I was like, oh wow, that's so cool. And now I'm reading it again. I'm like, oh, that's not what this sticker says.

Anyway, but I like the slow two steady because it reminds us that. You know, we need a starting point. We need to then move from that starting point, and that's when we start to build this momentum. And in this entrepreneurial journey and in even in just life, we're going forward, we're going backwards, we're going fast, we're going slow.

Mm-hmm. But if we just recalibrate slow to steady, I think that's a lovely practice that we can do what you shared. So thank you. I feel like I have homework today to do with 

[25:51] Slow to Steady

AH: Perfect. Like handing out the homework. Well you mentioned there about the slow to steady. It reminds me of something that I always say and it just came up one day and looking back and I thought, oh, that's quite profound.

But at the time it didn't seem quite right because it was quite early on in my entrepreneurial journey. It was the slowdown to speed up and I thought, Here I am trying to do all the things. I'm trying to tackle the to-do list. I'm just a hundred percent running into what it is that I think I need to do.

But it's not getting any of the results. And so I thought, you know what? I need to slow down to go fast to speed up. And when I actually did that, when I stopped and I paused and I was able to just sort of zoom out and take in the full picture of what it is that I was trying to achieve, how I wanted to feel, what I wanted the other people to feel, and, and really got a bird side view on what, what was going on.

It then allowed me to sort of really pull back in and go, you know what? I don't need to be doing all of those things. I know what it is that I'm trying to achieve, how I'm gonna create that impact, what my true vision is, and now I can sort of smooth at a slower pace towards it because that's actually gonna achieve the outcome, rather just running at a frantic speed and doing all of the things that I need to do.

And it's something that we're kind of taught and is ingrained and We are told to do in sort of like patriarchal society is that we just do, do, do. We don't be, and this is just such a, a big thing that I've been getting into lately, the whole feminine embodiment and really dropping into my feminine.

And it's so much about being present in the moment and the difference that has made not only in my life, but in my business is just profound and I feel so much better for it too. 

VL: I'm so glad, I'm so glad that you have gone through this journey and can share these things as you grow and as you continue to move through it.

And yeah, we are ingrained to to do, do, do. And go, go, go. And, Not just be, which is such an incredible thing. And I always think of, you know, we're human beings, not human doings, but we don't take enough time to to be. And the other thing that it reminded me of is what you said just a little bit earlier, which was, The reflection piece to it.

How can we reflect on what's working, what's not working, what we love, what we don't love. If we don't slow down for a moment and ask ourselves like, did I love this process? Do I want a podcast? Do I want to do these things? Am I excited about sharing this through a course or a book or, you know what I mean?

And, and it's, it's so simple to just. Reflect on what we loved, what we didn't, and find that gratitude for how far we've come. And then it's easy to get stuck with, again, circling back to the comparison and all the other things that come with personal development. Yeah, absolutely. You have shared so much amazingness.

I would Is there, is there something that hasn't been said? We have a little bit more of the podcast, but I just wanna make sure that you've shared everything that you feel. Excited about. So take it the moment to reflect if you need. 

AH: Yeah, I'm gonna pause and sit with that, and that's sort of one of my favorite things at the moment.

[28:51] Sitting with the Stories

Well, not at the moment, but something that I've really been conscious of doing is just sitting with things. And I used to, when someone would ask me something, one of the stories, again, this are the stories and limiting beliefs that we have. One of the stories that I would tell myself is that I'm not smart enough because I'm not jumping back with a response.

And we are all different. Everyone has different ways of processing information and what I've come to be really comfortable in with mine is sitting with things. And so I feel comfortable saying to people now, like, I just need to sit with that. I'll come back to you. I'm not gonna give you just the response off the top of my head, because this actually means something to me.

I wanna actually take the time, just sit with it. Allow it to sort of, where do I feel it in my body? What feels good? Really just mull it over and then come back to someone with a response. And so that probably wasn't what I wanted to add, but it was just something that came up in that moment and I thought it was just, yeah, it's an important story to share because do what feels good for you.

Don't listen to anyone else and just beep, pause, reflect, and your like intuitively, your answers will come to you.

VL: I love that. Okay. Thank you. How can we find you? How can we follow you? How can we support your business?

AH: Yeah, so the best way to find me, as on Instagram, that's where I like to hang out and build my community, which is @iam_amandahunter

you can work with me. I am opening up spaces for one-on-one private coaching at the moment. So that is something that is available and I would love to share a really incredible free gift that I've created as well. And this is something that is, Amazing at changing up your energy. So this is for entrepreneurs before they start work for the day.

So again, this is before you actually sit down and do any of your stuff before you consume, before you create any of that, it allows you to really sort of drop into your body, step into that like sacred c e o, embody your leadership and really get activated to bring forth all of your energy and all of your power that you've created.

So that's also available on my website and I'll get you to pop the links in the show notes. 

[31:05] Rapid Fire

VL:We have, we have one more segment to the show. It's called the Rapid Fire Round. I'm gonna ask you four questions. Are you ready? 

AH: I'm ready. 

VL: Question number one is, what are you currently reading, or what is your favorite book?

AH:  Oh, I am rereading a book by Dr. Joe Dispenza. He's one of my favorite authors, and it is called oh, isn't that terrible? Becoming Supernatural (affiliate)

VL: Question number two is, what does empowerment mean to you? 

AH: Mm. Empowerment is about standing in your truth. It's, and I'm sort of sitting here as we're talking.

I've got my shoulders pulled back. It's about my head high. It's not allowing anyone else to take away from my true essence. It's about just being all of me. Yeah, it's about being me. That's what it is. 

VL: Oh, that's so lovely. Yeah. What is unapologetically? Unapologetically, yes. I feel like people need more of this permission or to give themselves that permission.

Yeah. Question number three is what is your longest standing habit? 

AH: Oh my longest standing habit, I would say. And I know you're gonna like this one. Pilates, it's, I've been doing Pilates for about 18 years now. Gives away my age, doesn't it?

VL: Oh, wow. That's so exciting. Yeah, I love Pilates. Do you do map Pilates and do you do reformer Pilates?

AH: I am doing reformer at the moment. I have done map before and I've also done the, the private sessions with all the different apparatus as well. That's probably my favorite, but at the moment I'm just doing reformer.

VL: Amazing. I love reformer. Okay. And then the last question is, what are you currently working toward?

AH: Oh, can I have some context around that? Is that anything in particular?

VL: Anything at all can be personal, it can be professional, it can be you're going to bed in a few minutes 

AH: after, after that. No. So what I'm working towards at the moment is actually moving overseas, and this has been something that has been a, a dream for our family is.

We're very big on experience. It's one of my highest values. So some of my values are, or highest values are experience, adventure, family, and this one kind of ties it all together. It's about taking the family overseas and being able to learn through life rather than through books. So yeah, the next, the thing that I'm working towards is moving overseas and it looks like Bali, hopefully this year.

VL: Oh my goodness. That's huge and very exciting. Yeah. I'm so happy for you, Amanda. Thank you so much for taking the time to share space with me and to sit and share this wisdom that you have. I feel like this is such a valuable conversation for people to not only listen to one time, but to revisit For sure.

And I, I wanna recognize you and acknowledge you for. All the incredible things that you're doing and again, how you live, what you share, and how you embody what you teach. And I think that's such a, a powerful leader is someone who shows up and does what they say and not just do as I say, and not, or do as I, yeah, do as I say, not what I do or whatever that saying is.

You really do walk the talk. So that's incredible. And again, I'm just so grateful that we were able to connect today. 

AH: Thank you so much. I'm receiving that with much love and I'm reflecting the same back to you. You are certainly someone who does embody everything that they talk about, and you are an incredible lady yourself.

Thank you so much for having me on the show.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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