E255: Holistic Healing Post-Cesarean: What Worked and What Didn't
E255:Holistic Healing Post-Cesarean: What worked and What Didn’t
Recovering from a cesarean birth is a deeply personal journey that goes far beyond physical healing. In this episode, I dive into my own post-cesarean healing process, sharing the holistic tools and methods that worked for me—and the ones that didn’t. From physical recovery to mental, emotional, and spiritual healing, we cover it all.
We’ll discuss the importance of healing not only the scar but also the relationship with it, as well as the pressure of "bounce-back culture" and how to challenge those expectations. This episode is a space to empower women, offering insights into childbirth, postpartum recovery, and holistic practices that nurture both body and soul.
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Listen/Watch/Read Episode 254 here.
For the purpose of today's show, what you need to know is that I spent my entire pregnancy preparing for an unmedicated vaginal birth, and I left the hospital with a six inch, 15 centimeter incision in my lower abdomen. You could say that my birth plan did not go as planned. And although that was true what I was also unprepared for was the recovery that followed…
A C section. A C section or cesarean section is a surgical procedure where the baby is delivered through seven layers of tissue that they have to cut, including layers of your abdomen and uterus to pull the baby out. And according to clevelandclinic. org, C sections are performed when a vaginal delivery isn't possible or safe, or when the health of the mother or the baby is at risk.
In my case, the midwife and the OB on call were concerned about the baby's heart rate or the baby's health. And, who by the way, the baby is totally fine and healthy and he's our happy little baby, which I am so grateful for. Now there are many other reasons why women get C sections, including certain health conditions internal obstructions or complications throughout the pregnancy and I fully understand and appreciate that the medical staff has the health of the mother and the baby as a priority. So there are scenarios where a c section can truly save lives. Before having my own cesarean, I was adamant on a natural vaginal birth.
I wanted the full experience. And I felt that as a woman, I had this privilege and this incredible ability and transformation into motherhood. So when I was told that the baby was in distress and they'd have to perform a C section, I was devastated and I felt robbed of my birth right. No pun intended, of course.
I felt so uninvolved in the delivery and because I was so uninvolved in this delivery process, I had a lot of trouble saying that I gave birth. And to be honest with you, I'm still noticing that I have trouble saying I gave birth seven months later. I actually refer to the experience more as my operation more than my delivery.
Now, since I planned on a vaginal birth, any research that I did ahead of time was on preparing for and recovering from postpartum vaginal delivery, I skipped over any and all information about cesareans and this only added to the stress, the discomfort, and the pain that I was feeling after the procedure.
Here's what I didn't know about cesareans.
Before having a c section, you have to sign consent forms. Since it is a medical procedure, there are obviously risks involved. When the c section is planned, I imagine that you have time to ask questions. questions and discuss the procedure with your OB. Whereas if it's unplanned, there are a bunch of people in your face reading the paperwork with some haste.
And in my case, I was very upset and experiencing labor pains and contractions. So it was difficult to understand or kind of remember all of the questions that they asked me. I can recall that there were so Many questions are so much paperwork involved that my partner, Craig had to fill out a lot of it on behalf of me.
And at the time I, you know, I was being rushed into this operating room and again, just very upset by the whole situation. It makes sense that for this procedure, you will be under anesthesia. And I had an epidural, which I later learned is also known as a spinal block, which numbs you from your breasts to your feet.
You cannot feel pain when you have an epidural. And I don't really remember having any control over my legs at all, but I could still feel the sensations of the operation, including the cutting and the pulling. And, of course, you are not numb to the emotional pain you may experience, as I did. You're awake for the whole thing, which I actually prefer versus being unconscious, especially when my plan was to be very much involved.
However, the lack of mental and emotional preparedness was quite devastating for me. I've read that in some cases, a general anesthetic is necessary for emergency C sections, In some cases, like I said, since they work a lot faster, another thing that makes sense, but I didn't know was that a catheter is inserted to keep your bladder empty.
And they will actually move your bladder to the side. When they cut through the abdomen to get to the uterus and the baby, they put some sort of suppository up your butt for pain, I think. They told me when they were doing it, but I can't remember right now. And even though I was awake, I couldn't see anything that was happening.
They put this translucent sheet between the baby and me. There was a sterile drape over my body, and Craig was in a sterile gown and cap on the same side of the drape that I was. Thankfully, the baby came out screaming and after some short checks, they placed him on my chest.
Now I'm not sure how long the whole procedure took, but things moved both quickly and also slowly from my perspective. With cesareans, the placenta is removed after the baby, umbilical cord is cut, and a lot of the blood is actually vacuumed out as well as part of the procedure. The blood loss following a c section is twice as much as a vaginal birth.
However, I believe there is more blood loss in the weeks following the vaginal birth than the cesarean, since a lot of it is vacuumed out during the procedure. They stitched up the layers inside my abdomen, but the outer layer was kind of pulled together or pinched together and then sealed with steri strips, which are basically just like long, thin pieces of medical tape.
You have to stay in the hospital for 48 hours following a C section. I'm assuming for all kinds of monitoring, although I think personally, I would prefer to stay only 24 hours and then be in the comfort of my own home after that. Obviously, there are risks with vaginal or c section deliveries. However, The risks are higher for C sections for things like infection, hemorrhaging, embolism, injury to the bladder or the bowel, abnormalities of the placenta in future pregnancies, risks from the anesthesia, fetal injury.
It has been said that recovering from a C section can be more difficult since C sections are more likely to cause chronic pelvic pain, a little bit more on this later. I think one of the things that Breaks my heart the most is that I'm more likely to have a c section in future pregnancies there can be also trouble with breastfeeding and Your baby may be at a greater risk for breathing problems And I got this information also from clevelandclinic.org .
I shouldn't say that I didn't know anything about cesareans, it was more that I was very committed to the opposite experience, that I really did skip over chapters of books or blog posts that shared any information. Then afterwards, when I was doing the research for C sections, I was quite disappointed to see that there was little to no information on C section recovery that felt good in my own heart and my own health beliefs.
If you didn't already know, I'm someone who sees a very holistic approach as the first response, and I believe in preventative health practices and habits. The majority of information that I found online was very surface level, very non specific and really advocating for the medication that they give you at the hospital, the opioids and things first and foremost.
I am not against modern medicine. I would like to put that out there right now. I can understand that there is a time and a place. And I was also breastfeeding a very tiny human who would be consuming everything that I was consuming, including medication.
So I didn't just want to pop pills all day. Although I can see, and I understand why you would want to, because it is, it is quite painful. Reflecting back on what I was learning post op, post delivery and what I had studied for years, it was very clear that the holistic community was very much against c sections, and this was another point of loss for me.
It's horrible to say this, but the holistic community, especially in the online space, can get really caught up in the black and white of the birth experience. When really, pregnancy, birth, motherhood, there's a lot of gray. This is another no pun intended situation because my son's name is Grayson. But in all seriousness, there's this feeling that somehow you've betrayed the holistic If consent to a C section when truthfully, I didn't want one in the first place and I didn't really have a choice at the time.
As I shared more of my experience and my trauma and my heartache with my own community online, I was receiving very heartfelt messages from other C section mamas. Many of them with the same emotional pain that I was feeling even years later, there was a part of me that felt seen, felt heard, felt deeply understood, and also More sad to learn that I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
I discovered that I was grieving from a birth experience that I so desperately wanted and through the stories and the conversations with other women, I knew that there was healing to be done and time to be had, which is one of the reasons why this podcast is coming out, you know, months later,
truthfully, I felt called to speak about my experience. Very soon after it happened. However, it just wasn't ready to do that publicly on the podcast, but I wanted to do this because I want to hopefully help other women in their healing journey. And most of the literature that I was reading online had big, bold titles of how to recover from a C section fast.
And I was searching more for words like healing, safe, holistic, which were a bit harder to find those words. So since a lot of my research led me to blogs that gave me advice, like walk a little bit every day, go back to regular exercise after six weeks, keep your incision clean.
I know that I had to use myself as a bit of a guinea pig and experiment with different techniques. I'd love to share with you what worked and what didn't. But before I do, I do want to remind you that I am not a medical professional. This is in no way medical advice. I am speaking from my experience.
In the very early days after the cesarean delivery, there was little I could do physically. I couldn't walk without wincing, my feet had swollen so bad my toes were like little sausages. It was, it was gross. But it was very difficult to get in and out of bed by myself, I needed help. In the first few days at home I got up every morning and I had a shower and this was one of my favorite parts of the day because it was just for me.
And I could be alone with my body, my emotions. I use eucalyptus essential oil in the shower. I took long, deep breaths while the water steamed up. This was to help calm my nervous system. This was sometimes a place where I could just shed tears. They poured out of my eyes. Sometimes they didn't. The shower became a ritual, which also involved soaping my belly and washing the soap down over my incision.
In those early days, it was very difficult to see my incision because my belly was very loose skin, kind of swollen.
I ended up taking photos of my incision so that I could monitor it.
To help keep the incision clean, it needs to be dry. So what you can do is you can actually use a hairdryer. I would do the cool setting if you have that option and kind of hold it a little further away so the air is not too forceful on it. It does kind of sting or pinch a bit, but you can use a hairdryer to blow it dry since it's not recommended to touch it.
You could pat dry with a towel. I did that. The other thing you can do is just make sure it's very gentle when you're patting it dry. But the other thing you can do is you can try lying flat on your back to let the incision dry. However, the more horizontal I was, the harder it was for me to get back up to a seated position.
I had this kind of like wedge pillow so that it helped me sleep a little more upright. And quite honestly, I'm a little rattled that I didn't order that sooner, but. Again, I didn't really know. I wasn't, I was very unprepared while it was strange to sleep upright, it was the most comfortable position for me to rest in for longer periods of time.
And for quite a while, I would say like a few weeks at least, maybe like six weeks, eight weeks post op. You see, since your skin is so stretched. and loose on the belly. If you tried, or if I tried to lie down on my side, the skin would sag on the side and it would pull the incision. And that was very painful.
It took a very long time for me to lay on my side or on my belly. And even though I kept my incision clean, it did get infected and I did have to take antibiotics. Another big no, no in the holistic community. Let me tell you. But I took antibiotics for five days and because of this, I tried to eat more probiotics like kimchi to help rebuild my gut flora.
While the outside of the incision is healing, you aren't supposed to put too much on it because it needs to breathe and to heal. So I was wearing an organic cotton diaper for the vaginal blood loss. And I also found the diaper (affiliate) better than the mesh underwear, which is a very common option. I found it better because the mesh underwear kind of interfered with the incision.
They're both quite high waisted. The incision is very low. It's like a bikini line cut. So if I, if I was just wearing my underwear, you wouldn't be able to see the incision or like a, even a cheeky bikini, you wouldn't be able to see the incision because it's so low. The underwear interfering with the incision or the wound.
I noticed that I would bleed through my pants a little bit or through that mesh underwear. Again, it kind of caught the gauze. This would be something as well if you have stitches, any gauze underwear. Yeah, you just don't want things tuggin and pullin down there, okay? Real talk. You don't want any of that.
It's already, like I said, the loose skin is already so like I said, I, sometimes I would bleed a little bit through my underwear or my pants, just small amounts of blood, but still got on the bedsheets. And It wasn't great. I'm not going to lie. I did not love that. Besides walking to the bathroom and the nursery a few times a day, I actually stayed in bed as much as possible.
Most of the blogs I read to say said to keep moving and walking as much as possible. Intuitively, my body needed more rest and this was instead of more walking. That being said. I try to do as much self massage of my legs. I did a lot of dry brushing before the shower for the lymph flow. I'm going to link to this video that I watched for lymphatic drainage and dry brushing in the show notes for you and the video description if you're watching the video.
Some of the other things I did in those early days and first week of recovery were self Reiki on my wound. I was also saying as many kind words to myself as possible. Another new mom friend of mine said that her friend who had a C section found it helpful to lay her baby on the scar for healing. And I thought that was really beautiful.
Obviously not right away, but When your wound is healed after those six weeks, it's typically.
I also practiced meditation daily. There was a 30 day nervous system program and a meditation app (use my link for a free month) I used. And this was a very beautiful ritual that I shared with my baby every day. The first few weeks, it felt like. The end of how I was feeling, the pain, the grief, the sadness, the discomfort, all of that, it felt like that was so far away.
And by that, I mean that the end of the physical pain, the exhaustion, the discomfort, all of it, every single week, however, That went by I felt stronger and stronger. It was incredible To see one your baby's growth week to week, but also your own growth week to week It's quite powerful in your own healing if you're allowing it It was really important that I didn't overexert myself.
I pushed a little too hard one day And by nighttime I would notice that I would be in more pain in my abdomen, even more exhausted than normal for me, my normal at the time. For pain support, I was taking Tylenol, but less and less every day. I was also taking 300cc of Arnica, and I'm not certain that you're supposed to do both, but eventually I was only using the pain relief for sleep.
Mind you, I was up a lot at night with the baby. I'm also very fortunate to have an incredible partner who was very supportive. He cooked meals, he massaged my feet and legs. He encouraged me to take naps and rest when I was pushing too hard to do more. There were lots of times that I felt really guilty for not being able to do simple household things to help him out.
He was just taking on everything. And I mentioned before that this was not what we prepared for. So, you know, we weren't prepared for him to be doing all of that while I was focusing on myself and on the baby.
I know that there are a lot of women who don't have the same support system, and some of them are right back to work or hosting guests in their home days after giving birth. And I've spoken to women who have done what I did and rested, and I've spoken to women who have, you know, jumped right back into all the things and then some, and every single one of us has said.
Don't host people at your house. And if you can help it, don't jump right back into work. Take as much time as you can, because honestly, those first few days. Weeks, months with the baby. They're very sacred. They're very special and your healing is so important. Those first 40 days postpartum are setting the stage for your health and hormones for years, decades to come.
I did not lose an abundance of hair. I'm seven and a half months postpartum. And if you are watching this video, you can see that I have lots of hair and I actually have had a haircut since giving birth.
Not only do I have an amazing life partner, but I also have an incredible business partner who has been so supportive, ongoing with my own healing And taking my time coming back to our physical brick and mortar business. At about week 4, I was walking more around the house and our property.
It's not that big of a property or anything. But I was able to walk the recycling bins out to the street and I was wearing the baby carrier wrap around the house. I also saw my pelvic floor physio at week 4 who gave me the thumbs up to do. To do very gentle exercise. And one of the reasons why she gave me the thumbs up a little earlier than most people would typically get, usually it's around the six week mark was because I have a very thorough background in health and wellness and.
physical exercise specifically. So I have been a Pilates teacher for 10 years and a yoga teacher for even longer than that. I'm also very in tune with my own body and she knows this about me. And even though she gave me the green light, I didn't necessarily jump into working out again, that being said, for me, it was the permission that I needed to be able to carry my baby in the car seat and to lift that car seat into the car without worrying that my, I was going to, you know, pull something or get a herniation or worsen any abdominal separations.
Because there is usually almost all, I would say always a physical separation in the abdominal wall known as diastasis. But basically I wanted to make sure that I wasn't hurting myself by going out of the house with my baby and carrying him and all those things, because that bucket seat, that infant car seat is very heavy and your baby's only getting bigger with time.
So because I have a background in movement as well as physical recovery, pelvic floor health, I did feel very confident in movement. And, and in the movement that I was doing. So my partner Craig goes to a gym where it's a very intense and there's lots of like circuit kind of training exercises.
And he was like, Oh, you know, this girl just had a baby and she's back at the gym with us. And I think truthfully, he meant it in a very encouraging way to say like, no, she can do it. You can do it. And I was like, well, did she have a C section? Is she breastfeeding? Is she, does she have a traumatic birth experience?
Like there's so little that we know. And then I'm thinking like, does she know what she's doing in terms of engaging her core properly? And. I am gonna say this. I, I was gonna, you know what, okay, I'm gonna say it and it's controversial. You just had a baby. You have nothing to prove by working out not to yourself and not to anybody else.
There is a horrible sense of pressure, or there's just a horrible pressure of needing to bounce back in, in the culture that we live in. We are in and whether that pressure is from you or from other people that are close to you or just societally I, I don't need that. And I actually feel that the more you rest and recover the quote unquote quicker you will heal and be able to bounce back in a true way where it's from the inside.
Thank you. Like you might look a certain way on the outside and you might be able to pull off a crazy workout, but how do you actually feel on the inside? Because even when my incision was healed, my body didn't feel right. I didn't feel like myself. Things would feel very open. Like there's lots of space in there.
There was a baby in there yesterday. And then today there's no baby. You know what I mean? Anyway, I'm, I'm going off on a tangent. And also, so even though I said that and that's controversial, I also. Firmly believe that you know your body better than anyone else. And if you feel not because anyone else is telling you to, but if you feel like, yes, I need this crazy workout circuit training situation with lots of heavyweights, that's how you feel for your body.
Okay. So I'm not telling you what to do, except to listen to your own body. It wasn't for me anyway. So what I was doing in those first six weeks that were really helping me a lot of diaphragmatic breathing, pelvic floor opening, as well as strengthening. And some mobility work with my hips, my legs, my spine, just really gentle moving, nothing super structured.
It was more intuitive in nature, very functional movements as well. Around five weeks I saw a naturopath who encouraged me to keep resting and moving at my own pace. She also recommended rhodiola supplement the drinking red raspberry leaf tea to help me with my cortisol levels, which I was already drinking red, red raspberry leaf tea from before.
In pregnancy, so just keep drinking that it's also really nice if you're into iced tea with the attention to rest and self care, I was noticing profound differences week to week. And at my six week follow up with the midwives and the OB, we had very positive conversations. The OB was impressed with how well my incision was healing considering the infection I had earlier on.
And I didn't mention this, but I also had, like, a gaping hole right in the middle. It's hard to describe, and that probably sounds, like, more dramatic than it was. But it's probably, like, the size of my thumbprint. Eh, maybe smaller than my thumbprint. Maybe my index fingerprint. I don't know. There was like a hole right in the middle that I had to remove the steri strips eventually.
I think you remove them after a week But then we had to close it up and then they gave me extra steri strips, which I had to like re pinch and close Craig helped me with that. It actually didn't hurt because you do lose a lot of feeling there for a while near the incision so And it's still just now like coming back in different ways, but that was more mentally like messed up for me.
I was so nervous and I started crying even though I couldn't feel anything when he was doing it. But yeah, so the OB was really impressed. The incision was healing really well. Once I had the go ahead from my midwives and the OB about the incision, that's when I started to incorporate a little more structured movement in the form of very gentle.
Super gentle. Okay. Super gentle Pilates. I put together my own little mat program for myself to do at home. I saw my osteopath for some help with my ribs and kind of like all those organs shifting back into place. Like I said, it feels very spacious. I was having some mild back pain from having a weaker core.
I was noticing early on. I saw a massage therapist once a month for relaxation, but as well as some scar tissue massage. And I worked on my neck and shoulders a lot with the massage therapist because I was very hunched over from nursing or favoring one side when I was carrying the baby. So this was all really helpful as well.
The massage therapist showed me some techniques that I could add into my morning shower routine for that scar tissue massage. I will say the first few times I did this, it was very emotional and I actually had to wait a few weeks before going back to the scar again. It was physically painful and emotionally painful, but instead I started using different tools on the scar.
And by that I mean I was touching the scar with my fingers, with a brush, with a comb, just to really get, help me get this feeling back in the area. I still touch it often At week eight, I began private Pilates at our studio. I did this so I could move at my own pace. I could bring my baby with me. It was amazing how I felt really strong and I had all this muscle memory.
And at the same time, I felt really weak. It's so cool how the body Heals and how the body knows things, you know, you have that muscle memory and yet you're, you feel like you're in a whole new body. It's pretty wild. And like, I knew what I was doing, but my body was like, Whoa, this is a little bit foreign, but it's again, it's a little bit, it's a little trippy.
One of the things that I thought was really helpful. In my healing was castor oil packs by the sixth or seventh week. I started doing these almost every night. It would heat up some water in my, for my hot water bottle. I put castor oil on like a cotton cloth with the, how to like an elastic band. I can link to that as well in the show notes,
And then you place the castor oil pack That's what it's called when you make it like this. You place it over the incision and over the lower abdomen. Then I place that hot water bottle on top of that. Usually I was wearing like a t shirt or I had like the blankets in between me and the hot water bottle because sometimes it was too hot.
But essentially, This helps or the oil helps the blood flow with the heat. So oil and heat combination here, castor oil and heat, helps the blood flow to that area. And this can really help increase the circulation to the area as well, as it's drawing more blood to the area and encouraging the breakdown of scar tissue.
I did not have the C section shelf, they call it. It's like a little pouch Of tissue over the scar, and I'm pretty sure this is because I really focused on lymphatic flow and drainage early on, and I think the castor oil packs really helped with this as well The other thing I noticed was that the castor oil can really help with improving mobility and the appearance of the scar.
So, like I said, my scar healed quite well. And then I was, you know, it, it's less red now and it's getting smaller now. It does still feel a little scar tissue y, which is quite normal. It's just gonna take some time. But I was noticing that all the daily movements and the workouts that I was incorporating were feeling A little bit easier.
The one exercise, however, that I found the most, I'll call it sensitive. in my scar area are lunges and I still feel this way today. So I really have to be mindful of like how far back I can go. I'm quite flexible, but whether my leg is sliding back or I'm stepping my leg back, I really feel a tug or a pulling sensation near my scar.
And I'm just getting like goosebumps right now thinking about it, even though I'm sitting down and not lunging at all. So I have to be very mindful even today, even to this day. I have to be mindful not to go too far or too deep into that movement, even though I'm still incorporating that movement. I do feel that it's important.
It is a very functional movement. Within the first five months, I was doing All of these things quite consistently, most of them weekly, some of them daily, some of them monthly. I also started to incorporate red light therapy with a red light therapy belt that I got online around my scar. I will say I had trouble being consistent with this, so I'm not entirely sure if it helped a lot, but it didn't hurt me in any way.
So if you already have a red light therapy belt or any red light therapy, it would be worth trying mentally and emotionally. I also did some journaling and I found reading about or sharing birth stories with other women to be incredibly healing. We've all had such different experiences and have had lots of different advice.
I actually asked a few of the people that I spoke to, if I could share some of their quotes with you. And one of the questions I asked them was in terms of your healing. Was there anything you did to support yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically, and here's what they said. Here's what they shared with us.
Paula, who's also a homeopath, shared: “Big ones more practically for me were osteopathy, homeopathy. and therapy. I don't think I have healed as well as I did without therapy and processing the birth. I was talking to a friend who had a C section 10 years ago, and she talked about how you feel towards your scar is how you feel about your birth.
And the healing your scar means that you're healing That relationship and that really landed for me. I agree completely with this. It's almost like you need the emotional and mental support. And then the physical is just kind of supporting that part of the healing.”
Ashley said, “My priority was getting up and showering in the morning, first thing, eating something decent and the rest fell into place. The days that I didn't do that were awful around 5 p. m. I would come around and I hadn't showered or done anything all day. The days I showered seemed to set the tone for the rest of the day.”
I was so excited to share this because it's something so practical. And even for myself, I just needed that time in the morning, whether that shower was two minutes or 10 minutes or somewhere in between, it did really set the tone for the day for myself as well. It was a little ritual. but it was also a little win. And when you're with a newborn and you just had major abdominal surgery, a lot of things don't feel like a win. And so this is an, I don't want to say easy one, but this is a practical one. It's not always easy.
Deanna shared that “The first time around, I had my mom over a lot. And she was like, Because of my baby blues. And luckily my husband had the first two weeks off. I spoke to the nurses mostly though, about baby blues in the hospital.
Physically, I took the ibuprofen and Tylenol. I was told to take both C sections. Physically too, I wore the abdominal binder and then the belly band it once I was too small for the binder.
I'm still using the belly bandit. I use it for like 14 plus weeks. Last time mentally, I had never gone that long without working out regularly. So I took walks daily, which started out as 10 minute long walks at first and lengthened as I got comfortable and then resumed to yoga and orange theory. Once I was cleared by my MD, I did also do women's health physio, which really helped a ton. I already have a pelvic floor physio set up to start six to eight weeks post op.“
I want to really highlight again, because let me tell you, it was not jumping an orange theory, but I want to highlight what she said as I got comfortable. And then I returned to yoga and orange theory, like As you get comfortable, add in more and just know that you can always pair back if you need to for that movement.
Adrienne said, “I relied heavily on programming through the city I live in. I had my first c section baby right before COVID and it was such a weird time. I didn't have any visitors, there wasn't anywhere to go. To do or see then after a year of it, the early on program started to open up. I went every single day.
It saved me when I found the program at the local rec center. I ran home and told my partner about it and I was almost in tears. It changed my life. I still keep in touch with the program leaders. Even if I don't take my children there, it is the absolute best program available to moms and kids.
Highly, highly, highly recommend it. When I had my second baby, though, I was so busy with the toddler who was Only in daycare, part time that I didn't have time to focus on me or how I was doing mentally, emotionally. I was just going. The third baby is a whole new ballgame. I think I had postpartum blues or I was more aware of it this time.
I reached out to more people. I've been more honest with myself and with my family. I take more breaks. I try to stay positive, reach out to friends. That's it. Go to programs, spend time with the family and the kids and move. It's so easy to isolate yourself. So I try to push myself out of my comfort zone. Even if I just go outside and pick weeds, it helps.”
I was also very excited to share this as well because so in our area, there's early on programs. I'm not sure about everywhere else. I'm really just learning about these programs myself. However, I did find some local mom groups through Instagram and just chatting with people online.
And I went to a couple of them. I'm signed up for a different group starting next week. I'm excited about that. But the ones that I went to were just like drop in like mom, social kind of thing at this cool cafe. I actually had the cafe on my, I want to visit list. And when I got there and I just kind of like sat down and started talking to these new moms and strangers, and we all have these little babies and we're sitting in a circle and these blankets and stuff.
And it's just nice. To be around people who get it, who are the default parent, who are navigating things the first time or the second time, everyone, no matter where they're at in their journey, have some sort of little tidbit of wisdom or just. The capacity to hold space for you in that moment and for you to hold space for them and feel seen and reciprocate that and feel heard and reciprocate that and it's, it's really a blessing to to be part of that and for, and it's just so amazing that there are people who are setting these types of programs up.
And yes, I would agree. Take advantage of those programs. The other question that I asked was, what advice would you give someone who is healing from a cesarean?
Paula shared “Advice, touch it as soon as you can, even if it's just a small amount or two inches away from it or through your clothes, build a relationship with it and talk to people who have had C sections to learn what quote unquote normal healing looks like.
We got so little information about what to expect and it can be very scary process. Also, castor oil massage and heat packs are so nice.”
Jennifer shared, “I didn't do anything to process the trauma, not until many, many years later, and having a vaginal birth with my daughter healed a lot with the exception of scary emergencies.
I don't think C sections have to be so traumatic. Women need to be better armed with information and support. They need to feel empowered in what can be a horribly powerless experience. They need to not be told that a healthy baby is all that matters. They need to know that however they feel after their birth experience is valid.”
I was nearly in tears chatting with Jennifer, whose babies are not so baby anymore, they're much older now. But to hear that. You know, similar experience of an unplanned and unwanted c section and how it's hard to say that you gave birth because you do feel very powerless. One of the things that I heard after my own traumatic experience was that, well, at least you have a healthy baby.
And it really Takes away that validation that my experience was traumatic because it was, and the more I heard about other really traumatic C sections, I kept thinking, oh, well, that didn't happen to me, so that wasn't as bad. Like, it's not the exact same. Like, I wasn't in labor for a day. I was barely in labor.
But it doesn't matter. It's still, my experience is still valid. And there was a lot of like dismissing and gaslighting after and just like, well, who cares that you had a C section and you're just sitting there like, I care. And two things can be true. I can have the truth of this was a traumatic unwanted experience.
And also I have this beautiful baby who is happy and healthy. I still had a traumatic birth, even though I have a very beautiful, happy baby. And what's, what's kind of I guess funny like a better word is that. I used to think a traumatic birth was that the baby or the mom, like, died or was seriously ill.
That is not the case at all. And I am sorry. I am, humbled by this whole experience. Many times over moving on to the incredible advice we received.
So Ashley said, “There is nothing you can do to do it wrong. So as long as you love your kids, don't forget to love yourself and your husband too. Men are quiet with it, but it's a big change for them.”
Also Adrianne shares, “Get outside, reach out, treat yourself and stay hydrated. Go to early on the program that she talked about earlier, take advantage of what the city offers. It's incredible what they have available for families and a lot of this is free.”
A lot of these a lot of these programs are free, usually through the city. You can find them also the library and things like that. Google, Google search all that.
Deanna says, “My advice would be to schedule women's health and pelvic floor physio without a doubt. Go and give yourself grace. It's a major abdominal surgery, which people, myself included, often forget.”
Thank you to all these amazing women for allowing me to share this wisdom.
It is so helpful to hear. I know it has been for myself. There is one more thing that I wanted to share on this note about pelvic floor physio. So I saw my pelvic floor physiotherapist early in my postpartum healing, as I mentioned, everything seemed to be recovering really well. However, a few months later, Maybe six months.
I was experiencing lots of pelvic pain and tightness. I was so uncomfortable, but I also knew that this wasn't normal. Not for me anyway. When I. was at the appointment with the physio. She said that the pelvic pain and tightness was indeed not normal, however, very common, especially with C section patients.
I had a friend actually reach out to me and say, why are you seeing a pelvic floor physio? You didn't even have a vaginal birth. And believe me when I tell you pelvic floor health is very important for all women, birth, pregnancy, abdominal surgery, or not all of it.
The physio shared that the tightness is common after c sections, especially because the abdominal wall is weaker. And the incision is healing so that the pelvic floor now is overcompensating when engaging the core, creating more tension, tightness, and discomfort. I went for about three visits. So this was after the six, I would say six months later, I went I went for about three visits and I really started noticing a difference after the first two total game changer, especially during intimate times with my partner, much more comfortable and pleasurable.
In case you're wondering. I'm currently seven and a half months postpartum or post op. I shouldn't say or and post op and while the list of things I've done that has really helped me is very long and to be honest I haven't mentioned a few things that I did as well but this has gone a little bit longer than I expected.
The things that did not work for me were very obvious to me very quickly and I want to share those. The first one was Not asking for help was a big detriment to my healing physically and mentally. Learning to ask for help or accept help has been life changing and so incredible. Huge, huge, hugely helpful doing too much too soon.
That's me. The Aries rising in me as this, I really noticed that my energy and my abilities when I try to do too much or move too much or too fast, too soon. Our bodies are incredible in how they heal and they need our support. Support looks like doing less, especially in the very beginning. The exceptional healing I experienced each week and the differences each week was amazing.
Genuinely, when I tell you, I did not see the end in the beginning. Like, I was like, I don't, I'm always going to feel this way. I'm always going to be, this is my nightmare. I'm living my nightmare. And then week to week, just getting that little extra gain, that little extra win, holding on to the positivity and as much as I could and it just, oh, it's amazing to see , even now, even now, I can't believe how far I've come.
But it really helped when I slowed down and I took it easy, only doing a little bit every day and eventually more each week. The other thing that didn't help, negative self talk, that was debilitating. I felt so much pressure to bounce back, as I mentioned. It, there's a lot of pressure for it. The way people look at you after, oh, you just had a baby, and they kind of do this elevator eyes that look you up and down.
But even processing the C section emotionally felt really tough. Some days, it was helpful for me to cry, but not helpful for me to wallow in that self pity. for having me. And spiral out. I let myself cry. I let myself be upset. And then I took a deep breath and another deep breath and another one. And I just allowed that pain to release a little more each time.
Allowed that anger to release a little more each day. The other thing was doom scrolling. Oh, just don't do it. It's so easy. You're just kind of stuck in bed to just watch TV or get on your phone, especially at nighttime when you're feeding the baby and you're just up at like three and then you're up at five and every other hour I'm doing that.
And it's kind of funny because there were quite a few people who were giving birth around the same time as me and we were all messaging each other at two in the morning. Oh, Hey, you're awake. No problem. Let's connect now. However, it's so much easier to just turn off the phone. Well, I shouldn't say it's easier.
It's so much more helpful to just turn off the phone, put it down, get some rest. I want to leave you with one of the biggest things that supported me, and I've kind of mentioned it over and over again, but it was talking about it, talking about your experience whether that is with a friend, a therapist, a family member.
You can do all of the physical things to heal, but if you are not focusing on the emotional and the mental part of your healing journey, you are doing yourself a disservice. And whether you are listening to this and you have a five year old or a 13 year old or a 25 year old, there is still time. To heal.
There is still time to speak about your experience. There is still time to honor yourself and, and be validated and rewrite the healing that you needed or to just come back to that. I know that was one of the things that I got a lot of messages about. People were saying, Wow, Val, you know, you're coming to a lot of conclusions earlier than I did.
In my experience, it took me years. It took me my second birth. It took me, you know, hitting a very low rock bottom. To find this healing and like I said, if you are in it right now and you are noticing that there are things that are obviously not working, stop them, don't fall into bad habits, just know that you are not alone, know that your experience was valid, is valid, your feelings are valid, and there is support available for you.
Thank you so much for holding space for me. I'm here to hold space for you too. I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day, night, week, wherever you're at. We'll see you again next time.
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
