E244: Overcoming Self-Sabotage: How to Get Out of Your Own Way
E244: Overcoming Self-Sabotage: How to Get Out of Your Own WaY
One of my favourite quotes of all time, that I often remind myself of, is by Henry Ford, who said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Our thoughts are so incredibly powerful that we can do just about anything that we believe we can. And when we can’t? Or don’t do something, it’s often because of self-sabotaging beliefs that keep us stuck.
Today we’re getting honest about how to overcome self-sabotage and get the heck out of our own way!
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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. How freaking frustrating is it when another day, week, month or year goes by and we didn’t reach a goal, or didn’t do the thing we said we were going to do?
Whether you have goals about transforming your health, transitioning out of your job, or showing up as a better person in a relationship, not meeting a milestone can be a huge bummer.
Lately I have been dropping the ball on my podcast. I cringe admitting that here. I thought I had planned ahead, but between finding out that I’m pregnant, to being short of staff at the studio, to selling our house, buying a new one, and finally moving in – OOF! Life got real crazy, real fast.
And I’m not here to talk about excuses, no, no, no. On this podcast, we discuss empowering solutions. And I want to be upfront and honest with you. Because even though this IS the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, it’s so not perfect all the time.
But instead of beating myself up about being behind on my production schedule, I’m sitting down, getting clear about my goals, realistic about my expectations, and taking action on the work that I can do. On the tasks that I can control.
Let’s break these strategies down, and several others to better support you in getting out of your own way!
#1 Fresh Start
There is no use in getting upset with ourselves when things aren’t getting done. Quite frankly, beating yourself up about dropping the ball is a waste of energy. Instead, let’s focus on what we can do differently. We have a fresh start; a clean slate!
#2 Come Back to Your WHY
When times are tough, or when things feel monotonous, it’s important to come back to our why. Reconnect to your purpose of why you set out for this goal in the first place. Keep coming back to this again and again. It’s part of the motivation that keeps you moving forward.
#3 Think Positive Thoughts
Replace the negative and self-limiting thoughts with positive ones. As I mentioned before, beating yourself up is more hurtful than helpful. Well the opposite is true for positive thoughts! Shifting your mindset to a more positive/growth mindset can shift your performance levels and make you happier!
Focusing on this strategy? Check out Episode 81 of the podcast! 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk.
#4 Develop a Plan of Action and Implement It
Once you’ve reconnected to your why (strategy #2), you can break your goal down into an action plan and – here is the important part: take action one day at a time. Small, meaningful actions every day will lead you to your goal.
With my podcast, I have blocked out time in my calendar to create the action plan, as well as time blocked my schedule for when I can realistically get things done. I’ve also set up a meeting with someone who might be a good fit to work with for taking the podcast to the next level. If this partnership works out, I will have an extra motivating factor because I’m paying this person, and we now have a plan to work on together. So on one hand I’m asking for/getting support, and on the other hand I’m also being held more accountable to get the work done!
Which leads me to…
#5 Identify Your Strengths
Make a list of all the things you are really good at. Keep that list somewhere you can see it often to motivate and empower yourself. Continue to build your strengths and master your zone of genius.
#6 Acknowledge Your Weaknesses
This isn’t about getting down on yourself. This is so you can delegate or eliminate the tasks that you are not meant to be doing. Of course you can develop skills to improve on the areas where you are lacking, however if you’re building your strength of public speaking, you don’t ALSO have to be the best graphic designer (unless that’s part of your passions or purpose). But instead, delegate this to someone who has this strength to compliment your own projects.
Speaking of being resourceful…
#7 Be Realistic and Organized with Your Resources
Yes, we can do anything, but that doesn’t mean we have to do EVERYTHING! Focus on what is most essential to getting you closer to achieving your goal, anything else can be delegated or you can allocate the time better. It’s important that you continue to measure your energy.
I made this mistake during the last couple weeks with our move. Normally, I am a time-blocker, but I recently fell into the trap of being a listmaker. When you time-block, you are allocating a specific amount of time to a specific task. When you make a list, well… you’re often left with an incomplete list at the end of the day, or worse an even longer list!
Time-blocking the tasks from your to-do list will help you get them done because it shows you how much time you have, and how much time you’re willing to give to a task. Let’s just say I’ve changed the title on last week’s “Wednesday To Do List” and even though I’ve checked off several boxes, this list has gotten longer.
#8 Break or Replace Bad Habits
There are so many bad habits that can hold us back, what are some of the habits that keep you trapped?
Some common ones include:
Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”, and overloading your schedule
Listening or believing the inner critic
Mindlessly scrolling on your phone
Procrastination
Not asking for help
Putting your wants in front of your needs
Lacking clarity on your goals and your why
Failing to plan
I’m sure we could keep building out this list. However, the key here is to identify the bad habit and break it or replace it.
If this is the strategy you want to work on, I’d love to support you in breaking bad habits and making supportive ones!
There are a few ways to work with me, but the best place to start is with booking a Clarity Call. VISIT VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/CLARITY to book a call today.
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
#9 Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfection is a form of procrastination. It is not attainable. Even if you believe perfection to be attainable, by the time the project is “perfect”, it’s usually too late. Get your ideas out there, take action, make mistakes, and correct along the way.
The amount of learning, growth, and skill development that comes along with JUST FREAKING DOING THE THING, is priceless and truly can only be had when you are in action – you know me, I always say, The Magic Happens When You’re in Action!
You know what else perfectionism is? It’s an excuse.
#10 Stop Making Excuses
You cannot get out of your own way if you continue to make excuses for yourself. If you want to make something, make changes.
This next one is kind of part two of stop making excuses, it’s…
#11 Remove Can’t From Your Vocabulary
Think of this as a mini experiment and try it out. It’s really interesting to see how this works in action. On one hand, you realize how often you tell yourself you can’t do something, and on the other hand, you start to question yourself, can I really not do that, or am I just not willing to do it? If I still believe I can't, why not? It’s an experiment that gets you aware and curious! Give it a try!
#12 Get Creative
One thing that has changed since moving to a new home less than a week ago is that I’m being forced to get creative with my new home space and environment. I’m driving to new places, I’m figuring out how to live in this new layout, and it’s forcing me to change neural pathways in my brain. Even the simplest things, like the fact that the utensils drawer is now to the right of the stove instead of the left, or that I drive new routes to and from work every day. These small shifts are helping me use different parts of my brain and I can see how they’re helping me be more creative in other areas of my work and life.
Even with the podcast, I’m discovering new ways to produce, serve, and more. If you’re into the experiments, try new things, take chances and risks, mix things up in other areas of your life. Ask for help, look for more information, support or ideas and paths to reaching your goals!
Getting creative will also help with…
#13 Overcoming Challenges on Your Path
Even with a solid plan, challenges will arise. When *ish hits the fan, focus on forward motion and never giving up. The plan might change, but you can keep going. Remember, small actions bring you closer to your goals.
#14 Create Rewards
I use the app Duolingo for my daily practice of learning French. On the app there are lessons with different levels and each level opens up once the level before is complete. In between every three or so levels, is a treasure chest. This treasure is usually some sort of time boost or points boost or extra gems. Basically, it’s a reward for reaching a new milestone.
When we break down bigger goals into smaller ones, we forget to build in milestones and rewards along the way. If it takes 100 steps to reach a goal, why not celebrate every 10 or 25 steps? When we don’t celebrate or reward ourselves, we end up getting stuck and only looking at however many steps are in front of us, instead of how much effort and growth we’ve made to get to where we are.
Create rewards that are simple, and that you’re excited and proud to earn along the way!
#15 Prioritize Self-Care
I’ve fallen into the hustle culture trap time and time again, and trust me when I say, I still work hard, AND I also balance and implement self-care.
Yesterday I was so tired when I came home in the afternoon and I decided to give myself permission to lay on the couch with my feet up. I closed my eyes and had a one hour nap! It was so amazing and I really needed the rest.
I was originally driving home thinking how a warm bubble bath would be nice, because I was recently given some new bubble bath soap and I guess my body really needed the nap.
The nap allowed me to feel re-energized, and ready to do other tasks that evening. Things like assembling a new nightstand, showing up alert to a business meeting, making dinner, cleaning the kitchen and organizing more pantry space.
When we make time for the self-care activities that are important to us, we are refueling ourselves to feel more energy, healthier, and have an overall improved well-being which in turn allows us to be more productive and positive.
This last strategy was one I hesitated to add in, but I’ve been doing it and it does work so, here it is:
#16 Just Do It
Whenever possible take action on an item as soon as you can. There have been countless times that I’ve added something to a to-do list that I’ve wasted more time worrying or stressing about, and the effort I put into that stress could have been used to complete the task and then some!
With a “why” as your motivation and an action plan in front of you, there are no excuses to JUST DO IT.
If there is a task you’re really dreading but it must be done by you, do that task first thing in the morning, or first thing on your calendar.
I can’t tell you how much anxiety I felt when I had to make phone calls – tell me you’re a millennial without telling me you’re a millennial, am I right? – but then I would make myself just do it. And what a liberating experience that was. Now I make calls effortlessly, and sometimes I even get extra bonuses, like if I order food they sometimes give me a free side, or when I ask about visiting a new studio, they gift me a free class, or a pass for a friend. It’s not every time of course, but enough times to help me enjoy the process haha
At the end of the day YOU KNOW YOURSELF. You know what makes you excited, and what makes you anxious. You know where you need to forgive yourself and take the leaps. You know that you can use your calendar to schedule priorities, and you can put down your phone and JUST DO IT.
Okay now go! Leap, take action, grow! You’ve got this!
And remember, if you’re looking for accountability, support, and more check out the show notes of this podcast, or caption of this video for ways we can work together.
Work with Me
Book a Clarity Call | https://valerielavignelife.com/clarity
Transform Your Habits Course | https://valerielavignelife.com/challenge
Healthy Habit Membership | https://valerielavignelife.com/membership
1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship | https://valerielavignelife.com/mentorship
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
