E251: Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits (BOOK REPORT)

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Maybe you’ve wondered more specific questions like:

Why does time pass so quickly?

Why do I hate doing absolutely nothing?

Or why do I keep putting things off?

In the book “Why Am I Like This?” Author Dr. Jen Martin answers these questions and many more explaining The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits…

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[00:33] My Curiosity, Your Success

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. Today I bring you another “book report style” episode sharing a very different book than the other ones I’ve shared on the show so far.

You can find a link to the other book report episodes here!

The book Why Am I Like This? The Science Behind Your Weirdest Thoughts and Habits is quite different from the other books I’ve shared on the show because this one is a little over 100 pages, colourfully illustrated and only has two chapters which answer some of our strangest questions in only a few pages each.

It’s one of those books you usually might find in bathrooms (do people still do that), or waiting rooms, somewhere you can read little bits and pieces quickly.

I was drawn to the book out of curiosity for myself as I have definitely wondered these questions, and I also thought it would be interesting to understand the actual science behind these quirky questions with the possibility of better understanding my clients and students.

As a Healthy Habit Mentor I help women who are making an impact live a life by design, not by default. I do this through the incredible tool of Healthy Habits. Part of being able to support others is understanding topics like behavioural science, neuroscience, and so much more. As a very curious person I am always looking for new ways to learn about why people do the things we do, and how we can make positive changes to live more abundant and meaningful lives. Even if that means reading some of the fluffier books, which I still learned a lot from!

While we don’t have the time to discuss the entire book together, I pulled some of the questions and answers that I thought were most interesting and supportive to my work with people like you!

Understanding the science behind these questions allows me to adjust and customize my one-on-one coaching more for the women who work with me in my Make a Habit Mentorship Program

[02:55] (Part one) Who am I?

For example, one of the questions in part one of the book “Who Am I” is “Why does time pass so quickly?”

Studies have shown that when we’re enjoying a moment, time feels to pass more quickly, whereas when we are exposed to or experiencing a negative moment time feels like it’s passing more slowly.

Author Dr. Jen Martin shares, “Researchers have identified that regardless of age, the more time-pressured we feel, the more likely we perceive the days, weeks, and months as passing too fast. This is closely linked to a perception of not having enough time to do all the things we want to do and is true of people in a variety of Western Cultures.” (p.16)

This really stuck out to me because a trend I have been noticing with the women who reach out to me is this sense of life passing by too quickly and they’re not reaching goals they intended to in early years. Or they haven’t made the time to set any goals and get clarity for where they want to be.

One of the solutions the book recommends to help us slow down life a little more is to “fill [our] time with new experiences. Going to new places and learning new things can very effectively slow down your internal sense of time. Anything that takes you out of your normal routine and introduces you to some novelty to your day.” (p.19)

If you’re a new listener of the show you might be wondering why a Healthy Habit Mentor would encourage people to get out of a routine, but that’s actually a really big part of what I do. One of the reasons why we’re in the position of life we’re in right at this very moment is because of the choices, and habits that we’ve continued to make over a longer period of time. If you want change, you have to change. And it doesn't have to be this wild/dramatic experience, it can be through small changes and experiences.

In my personal life I recently learned about “Alphabet Dates.” It’s where you go through letters of the alphabet and you go on dates with your partner, or friends and the activities or the places you go have to start with that specific letter of the alphabet. For example the “A” date could be a visit to the Art Gallery or perhaps an Arcade.

My partner and I moved into our new neighbourhood this summer and we wanted to explore new places so we thought of doing the Alphabet Dates locally to learn more about our new stomping grounds. Truthfully we’ve only done the A date so far, but it was really cool and we had completely new experiences visiting the Art Gallery, an Antique store, and a delicious sandwich spot called Artie’s. I’m not sure if we would have even thought about going to those places, and if we did it would have taken us a lot longer to go there!

What is something new you can try or add into your day? Even if it’s the simplest of actions, like changing the hand you brush your teeth with. Even that simple act of changing hands can rewire your brain to make new patterns and connections. Try it out and let me know how it goes! You can share with me in the comments of this video, or on instagram! Find me @vallavignelife

[06:31] Silence is Golden

Another quirky question I wanted to include today was “Why Does Silence Calm Me?” This is because A LOT of people want to start a meditation or mindfulness ritual. And I absolutely encourage this. There are so many benefits to meditation and mindfulness and western science is finally giving these practices the accolades and attention they deserve. Benefits of meditation and mindfulness include physical benefits like lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, as well as mental benefits like reducing anxiety and depression, and so much more!

Dr. Martin shares that, “Sound vibrates in the bones of our ears, which get converted into electrical signals to our brain. Our bodies respond to these signals, often resulting in the release of stress hormones like cortisol.”

If I notice you attending our virtual one-on-one coaching call with a lot of high stress, I take that as an opportunity for us to begin our session with a guided meditation led by myself, or perhaps a few deep breaths to centre us into the session together. I will often do this knowing that the coaching call was scheduled after work, meetings, or picking up/dropping off kids at school. It’s an opportunity for us to ground ourselves into the present moment and get the most out of our session together. Giving us more space for the magic!

Just as it’s mentioned in the book, this moment of silence “allows us to connect with ourselves and replenishes our inner reserves.”

[08:12] The Art of Doing Nothing

On the completely opposite side of things, many of us often wonder ”Why Do I Hate Doing Absolutely Nothing?” This has been a conversation I’ve had with a lot of clients and friends as of late.

In the book Dr. Martin shares different studies of people who were asked to sit in a room for 6-15 minutes and “do nothing.” The outcomes of these studies showed that people generally disliked the experience and some people would rather have a negative experience doing something unpleasant than nothing at all.

While there isn’t firm evidence to this, and in my opinion the studies weren’t done with exceptionally large groups of people in different areas of the world… There was mention in the book that a theory could be that our brains were made to interact with the world and whether it’s a distraction, an unpleasant experience, or something else we need something to interact with versus just sitting and being with our thoughts.

Since I come from a background in yoga, meditation, breath-work, and mindfulness, I have had many experiences of sitting and doing nothing. Including attending silent meditation retreats. In my own experience I can say that yes, there was a level of difficulty to sit and “do nothing” but with the right methods and practices you can really learn to use your mind and interact with the internal world. Just like the benefits of silence we discussed, there is also a beauty in doing nothing.

In fact, the Italians have a phrase for this, which is la dolce far niente, and it translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” Some coaches and teachers refer to this as “white space” where they will actually block off time in their schedule to do nothing, and let their minds reset, rest, and explore new ideas.

In the western world we are highly overstimulated and distracted. It’s of no surprise that the people in the studies had such a hard time doing nothing, because they probably don’t know how.

So how does this show up in my coaching? In two ways. The first is that through our initial meeting or Clarity Call session I will assess if you are overstimulated or not and if you are, I have a variety of tools in the toolkit that we could use to support you slowing down without actually having to do nothing. It’s like a distraction to the other distractions if you will.

And secondly, this is one of the reasons why we don’t focus on breaking a habit as much as we do making a new one. When people approach me to break a habit, I encourage them to replace it with something else. Adding a new habit is a lot easier than removing an old one for many reasons, and one of them is because we’re creating an empty void when removing something. This can be overwhelming and irritating to the person who wants to break the habit.

[11:20] FOMO is Real

With our highly stimulated lives, and our social media habits, another common question people wonder is “Why Do I Always Feel Like I’m Missing Out?”

I am definitely someone who experiences FOMO or the Fear Of Missing Out. Even the people in my life who haven’t necessarily admitted to experiencing FOMO, I’ve noticed their social media habits have a direct correlation to the FOMO they feel. This is why it’s so important to participate in social media detoxes, or comb through the accounts you follow and remove anyone who doesn’t necessarily serve your goals or hinders your mental/emotional health.

While social media may be a definite reason to feel FOMO, it’s not a new concept/feeling to experience missing out, but it can make it more frequent/intense. For this reason, it’s important to remember that most of what we see online is the very curated highlight reel.

My mission for helping women is to educate and empower them to prioritize their own health and wellness, so that they can feel great in their body and show up powerfully for the people depending on them. With busy lives and responsibilities, getting swept up into what everyone else is doing can be a quick and defeating trap.

One of the best pieces of advice I received very early on in my business, and I share this with clients, even if they don’t have their own businesses, is: never compare the backend of your business with the frontend of someone else's. The same goes for life. Don’t compare your life to the highlight reel someone else has posted on social media. There is A LOT you’re not seeing.

In my group coaching aka Healthy Habit Membership, as well as in my one-on-one coaching, we build clarity in the life by design that YOU want specifically. Not the arbitrary list of habits or routines that are the “ideal morning routine” - ideal for who?

Just like nature, humans have seasons, and with women we have more specific cycles as well. These cycles and seasons aren’t always conducive to the conventional demands of the world. My work with women takes these cycles into consideration as we build custom routines, rituals, and habits that support your natural rhythms and seasons.

Understanding your cycles has been a game-changer for many of my clients in the membership as they’ve been able to adjust their habits ever so slightly to support that time in their life. Together, we’re able to create a flow of the habit instead of a regimented or unrealistic practice that isn’t long-lasting.

[14:11] (Part Two) What Makes Me Tick?

The second part of the book has more to do with specific habits. What surprised me the most was that I ended up making more notes that I wanted to share with you in part one of the book verses part two. I thought I would share more about the habits, but since they are super specific I felt like I would perhaps refer to them when working with someone on this habit versus mention it collectively on the podcast.

That being said, a lot of the habits shared had evidence positively supporting the habit, where you might have thought it was a negative habit. Such as “why can’t I stop drinking coffee?”

I did however choose two of the questions from this chapter that I thought were helpful to the podcast listeners based off of podcast trends as well as my healthy habit clients and our discussions.

[15:04] Hyped Up Morning Routine

The first question is “Why Do I Keep Pressing Snooze?“

Morning routines are one of the most popular topics in the habit industry and communities. Podcast episodes about morning routines are some of our most popular shows.

Episode 133: Elevating Your Morning Routine

Episode 92: An Action Plan for How to Be a Morning Person

Episode 06: Morning Ritual

In the book, Why Am I Like This? The author describes the science behind the answer to this question having to do with our circadian rhythms. As I mentioned before, humans have seasons and rhythms, and the circadian rhythm is one of those natural cycles. This one is during a 24 hour clock of how our body functions and performs best.

If you’ve ever seen the Traditional Chinese Medicine Body Clock or TCM Body Clock, it describes a similar 24 hour rhythm to the organs in our physical body. (My favourite body clock image:)

Depending on who you ask, some people will say your circadian rhythm changes over time, and other people believe it stays the same always. I am of the belief of the former. With the amount of changes our body goes through in life, I think it’s naive to believe that our rhythms aren’t changing at all.

For myself, I used to wake up at 5:30am and now I’m happier and an all around better human when I wake up between 6 and 7am. It’s not a huge difference, but when I do need to wake up around 5:30 am, my body and brain certainly notice it.

The science in the book describes that sleep cycles can be affected by genes as well as other factors, and that there are many proven benefits to waking up earlier, such as: “morning people tend to be more proactive, persistent, and cooperative.” As well as having a decreased risk of heart disease and making healthier eating choices.

What I’m taking away from this part of the book is that we’re all different and supporting my own hypothesis and research, we all have an ideal wake up time that will also play a role in how we spend our mornings, and also evenings for that matter.

In our coaching sessions, we’re understanding what works best for YOU, and how we can make small changes and improvements with the resources that we have so that you can be the best version of you each and every day.

If the best version of you wakes up at 5:00am to workout and meditate, amazing. And if the best version of you wakes up at 7:00am and spends 15 minutes drinking coffee and journaling, also amazing! The point is it’s YOUR ideal morning routine, not someone else’s.

Aspiring to wake up earlier and take more time in the morning to do the things you love IS POSSIBLE, when you have a solid plan in place. That’s where I come in. To help you build a supportive plan that brings you to where you want to be.

[18:12] Stop Procrastinating on Your Goals

Another trend I’ve noticed through my coaching work is the way we procrastinate a lot of the time. Maybe not for yourself specifically, but a common question people are asking is “Why Do I Keep Putting Things Off?”

I will fully admit that I am someone who can procrastinate. I even wrote a speech on procrastination in grade 5. This bad habit of mine has improved with time and practice, but it does creep up now and again. Reading this section of the book has helped remind me of why it’s important NOT to procrastinate, including stating: “Putting things off can seriously undermine your well-being.” (p.80) With research showing increased stress, and more illness of procrastinators compared to non-procrastinators.

Diving deep into the layers of the brain, “procrastination is a war between two parts of our brain: the limbic system… and the prefrontal cortex. The limbic system seeks instant gratification while the prefrontal cortex is involved with planning and decision making.” (p.80) The limbic system was developed very early making it one of the oldest parts of our brain, so it tends to run on auto-pilot. Whereas the prefrontal cortex takes more effort to function, making it a lot easier for us to be swayed by instant gratification rather than distant gratification.

Knowing this about ourselves is incredibly helpful as it allows us to forgive ourselves for procrastinating so much – funnily enough, this forgiveness helps us with procrastinating less!

For my coaching practice, knowing that you tend to procrastinate more, helps me ask more supportive questions and for us to develop an action plan with a greater impact. This starts by bringing awareness to WHAT it is you’ve been procrastinating, and why might that be. Digging deeper into this “why” is very helpful and can tell us a lot about other patterns and habits that might be holding you back from success with your goals.

I hope this episode gave you permission to get curious and find answers to your weirdest questions. If you’re interested in reading this colourful book, you can buy it here on Amazon.

I want to encourage you to remain curious about yourself and keep learning new things. You will grow and flourish in so many more ways than you could ever imagine! I’d love to support you with your goals, habits, and creating a custom action plan for YOU! Head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/clarity to book your first call with me, and we can get you started with your next steps!

If you’d like to see/listen to more book report style episodes, let me know in the comments or on instagram @vallavignelife which book I should read next!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!