E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions

E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jessica Stephens

Jessica Stephens is a corporate marketer turned social marketer, online entrepreneur and podcast host. She's passionate about supporting people in transforming their daily actions to be on purpose and love their life! Career, business, relationships, health, love all of it! She is a master networker and connector helping pair people with others and opportunities.

Her love for travel landed her a Pilot husband which fueled her desire to ditch the cubicle life for a carry-on bag, laptop and good wifi! When she's home you can find her in the kitchen churning up a batch of homemade gourmet ice cream and being the best plant mom she can be!

[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you to our very special guest today, Jessica students Jessica Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here.

Jessica Stevens: Well, thanks for having me Val. I'm excited to be a guest on the show. It's nice to sit on the other side of the microphone.

VL: Oh my gosh, right. It's exciting. You don't get to or you don't have to do all the editing and all the backend stuff too, right?

JS: You just get to show up and you talk and then you're gone. It's lovely.

VL: Now the two of us can talk for a while so I'll try to keep us on topic. But I'm really excited to have you here because you and I are both really big passionate advocates for healthy habits and a lot of where this comes from our own experiences and our story. So I'd love it. If you could tell us a little bit about yourself how you got into doing what you do.

JS: Sounds good. So hi everyone, and thanks for having me on the show. A little bit about me. I am a Former marketer, corporate marketer. That was my education. I went to university for communications in the advertising industry and spent 15 year over there before going out and becoming a health and wellness entrepreneur.

That is where I learned how valuable habits and healthy habits were when I started my business and how good I wasn't actually. I had formed a lot of good discipline. Around habits from a younger age because I was a dancer. I was on sports teams. And I never really realized how useful they were in my life. became an entrepreneur. Obviously I use them throughout my career but they weren't as evident as they were when I started my business and started really putting discipline and healthy habits into daily practice.

So now I'm crazy about the habit habit hacker. I love having a healthy one. I try to implement as many of them into my life as possible, because it really just takes a lot of the stress off of your brain when it's put into autopilot and that I learned from my husband to actually really highlight this relationship.

We started our relationship. my life and my time and what I was doing with my time because spending time with him was something that I really that was really important. Finding those moments to streamline my day so that I had more time for us to be together physically with traveling and going out on Skype, if everybody remembers what that platform was way back in the day. Like daily habits really start coming into play.

[04:43] VL: So cool! And they think it's something I want to highlight that you always had these habits but they weren't intentional. And I think this is really the key to cultivating habits and reaching goals is making sure that your habits are intentional because whether you realize it or not we all have habits and they're going to make us grow or they're going to lead us down maybe the unhealthy route or maybe they keep us stagnant. Right. So I'm so glad that you started to implement some of these different habits in your life. And I'm sure we're gonna take details of those. But something that I really love about your story is this transformation you talked about and I know you're wearing your necklace right now that people can't see but it's this beautiful silver dragonfly. So tell us a little bit about why this dragonfly symbol or this yeah, this dragonfly symbol is so important to you.

JS: Yes, I dragonflies are, I guess for lack of a better term my spirit animal and they always have been so I've been always connected to dragonflies for the longest time, right, like I would just see them flying. I would just identify with them. You know most people really gravitated towards butterflies as a symbol for transformation. But for me, it's the dragonfly. So, here's a little thing that maybe you don't know. So when most people think of transformation, a butterfly is probably the creature that comes to mind because of that transformation from Caterpillar to butterfly. It's pretty epic, right? You got you started as a cup of caterpillar. You go away and you Hakuna away from the world. Do all of this really massive change in the privacy of your town, and then you reemerge to the world as this beautiful butterfly. That's the process of dragonfly dragonflies. It is completely different. So dragonflies actually started out of water and they swam. And they have something that we call partial metamorphosis meaning they change a little bit each day, but not so much that they can no longer survive in their environments, aka the water. So they're still swimming but they're changing in these micro ways every single day. And they change and change until they get to the point where they can fling themselves out of the water, land on the shore, crack open their wings and fly as a dragonfly. For me that is much more attuned to what the humans are actually able to do. Because not many of us have the opportunity to pick up our lives and go to Bali and sit on a mountain and Eat Pray Love and do yoga and figure out all of our shit and then come back transformed and healed and all things like that's not real life. Most of us, most of us.

Most of us still have to go to work and still have to live in our stressful scenarios. Maybe we're at a job we don't love where maybe we're with a partner that we're not getting along with. Maybe we have all these financial stresses and career stresses like life is happening.

But how do you transform and change yourself while you're still swimming through the muck of your life? Like that pond like that dragonfly that knows. So for me, humans are much closer to what that dragonfly transformation is. And that is when true transformation can happen when you're actually able to do it in your same environment without ourselves and then that means those transformation and those habits and those new skills that you put it in tool that you've put into place for yourself, really stick and are helpful to you in the heart moments, not in the beautiful, peaceful, tranquil mountains of Bali. When someone is serving you higher. And you know, meditating and your cell phones not throwing off like anybody be peaceful, mindful and have a great time in that environment, but can you be your best self when all the stresses are coming so that's the difference between the dragon the butterfly transformation and the dragonfly transformation and why I love to teach the dragon fly methodology to people to really survive in life.

[09:35] VL: That is so cool. I had no idea about that. I had no idea. I knew dragonflies are off in the water but I didn't really understand the full transformation. So thank you so much for sharing that and honestly it is very relatable and you're right not all of us have that opportunity to go to Bali and eat all the tropical fruits and then come back and they're like yes, so you feel amazing. things are great.

JS: Not that there's anything wrong with that, like I believe you should remove yourself, go to a new environment, get centered on all the things, but you also need to know that you can actually put those tools into practice in stress.

VL: I'm so glad you said that because part of my journey was I did the butterfly thing. I went to Guatemala and backpack Central America for seven months all by myself. And then they came back and I was like all right, I kind of have an idea of what this is. And guess what? You don't have to go to Guatemala to do it. You actually just have to change little things every single day. But he never knew about dragonflies. So this is really cool. So tell us how this works for humans. Give us some examples from those habits, those intentional habits and how you started cultivating this transformation for yourself in your life.

JS: Yeah, so might you Val, I'm sure all of your most important habits take place in the morning. So I started with my morning routine. And really being intentional about the time in the morning. How I woke up, what I did, who I saw because when I was a stressed out workaholic, I think the alarm would go off or even sometimes before the alarm went off, my arm was extended. My hand went to the device and the BlackBerry was in my face. All within seconds of my brain turning on and all the messages and all the emails and all other people's fires and what was important to them. It was now training. My wife was setting the tone for my day. and everything about that day was about reacting and responding. To whatever was in that inbox.

So for me, it was taking control of the morning. That was the most transformational. So waking up, getting out of bed, getting water in my body.

You know, getting any ideas that I had that I had created in my mind through my dream cycles out and on paper and texture, so that if my day went sideways, it was recorded. Somewhere that I could go back to your site.

And you know you broke it down. So that's where our journaling started. That's where my morning practice started. That's where I started my day in a way that allowed me to not react to what was going to be coming next but how to show up in a way that spawns react. And also create because remember I was in our creative field I was in advertising and you know your worst is really your creativity and your ideas and what you can make from your mind and so securing that start by having a huge priority as I was leaving my career, but also as I was entering into this new space, but then it translated into another area of life. Okay, well now we're gonna look at how I feel about my body in the morning like what am I consuming? And I was not a breakfast person, not somebody in the morning because I was a coffee consumer right and so then that happened a certain change and I did a cleanse and I stopped drinking yet consuming a whole bunch of coffee beans.

And at the end of the class stay off the coffee not canceling because the coffee before birth. Because I used to drink my coffee with sugar. And I'm like I just don't want that extra sugar. So I stopped, so I actually haven't had a cup of coffee and probably 18 years now. But I have more energy. And then when I was ordering coffee and so then those habits are translating into one one energy sources and by putting in my body to help fuel me in the best way so I have the best results for the rest of my day. And last year because I knew that once I went into an office or when I started my day, you know, who knows the next meal that I always get again, right? Like how many of us skipped lunch and worked through it? Or you know, nibbles on a little thing and then three hours later, you're like, oh, it's still there and I never finished that sandwich or salad or whatever. So I started making sure that my morning and my breakfast were top notch because I had no true idea that I was going to get another next meal that day that was going to be anywhere close to my nutrition.

So that's where it really started. for me was just holding my money That time and what I put into my brain what I put into my body, and that actually helps me survive the rest of my crazy day so that I wasn't falling down And like grabbing, whatever, I can just shove into phase or just falling asleep from exhaustion and starting all over again.

[15:48] VL: yeah mornings can be so important because they will really set the tone for the day, not just sustaining yourself throughout the day but creating the intentional day from this totally healthy routine that you have. So I mean, listening to this, it sounds so simple. So wonderful. And the transformation just happened. Yeah, so obviously, you and I both know this, but perhaps we could talk a little bit more about it. Like when we want to create this incredible morning routine and we want to swap our coffee for something a little bit. more fuel efficient, if you will, and energizing. how do we get to this incredible morning routine that takes a little bit longer than if we just changed one thing for example. How do we make this epic morning routine?

JS: So for me, it wasn't trying to do an epic morning routine. I want to build because that's daunting. and that is.

So for me, I am all about the transition. Right? I am all about starting somewhere with any goal knowing what my goal is, but what are all the different stages that it's going to take to get there. if it takes me 20 steps.

That's my ultimate goal. That's okay. Because I would rather take 20 Small steps than five big leaps and stumbling up.

We're just going to make sure that you don't work the phones. Like get into the shower and wash your hair. Before you look at your phone.

VL: And I think what's cool too is when you start to add in more than a diamond certainly can. Like you get this immediate confirmation or response and feeling of how good that feels because I've got that to where I'm like I just wake up at times are exposed by email or Instagram or Tiktok or whatever it is just consumed. But it was like okay, I'm gonna brush my teeth. I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm not gonna open my phone. Now I have to do all of these things before and it's almost like it's almost like in the beginning I was doing them faster so that I can get to those emails.

JS: But it’s just like crack, right?

VL: Yeah, it’s addictive. ANd we can use these devices to help us cultivate these habits.

JS: So yeah, step one is don't try and do them all at the same time. integrate them slowly. So map them out to be workable, which one is the most important to me? That if I change this one thing, and this is the only thing that I ever know that it can change, it'll have a drastic impact. On my day. Do that one first.

Give, do the one that's going to give you the biggest bang for your buck. Because you're gonna get that reward. You're gonna get that hit of dopamine, you're gonna get that serotonin levels are gonna start climbing and you're gonna start feeling better. And so when you're feeling better you're gonna be like a champ. I got this. I can do another one. And then you added another one.

Maybe not in the same category. So maybe yeah, step one was the phone. And then step two, is literally like Okay, drink the water.

Right just just drink the water and take your vitamins and you know, whatever other things that you swallow in the morning and use a habit that you already have to do it right. So if you're already doing one thing and you've got a good habit going about stacks and you want to do that one. So my example was more of a bedtime because what I do at night like most people brush their teeth when most right.

So yeah, like that was actually kind of the bread of flossing.

And so what I had to do was I had to floss and brush my teeth so that I can pick up the habit that I wanted onto the hammock and it was already good but anyhow I accidentally brushed my teeth first. My autopilot, brush teeth, spin my face, walk out the bathroom. No memory of flossing, right? So it's like floss first because at the end of the habit that you're already used to doing it. You already have a routine that you're already going to you're already starting before you even walk out of the bathroom.

So if you're going to habit stack, always put the newer habit you're trying to cultivate for the one that's already

VL: I love that. It's so it's just a little swap to do when you're starting to stack those habits. But it's really great because it's like you know what you're already doing and you can set yourself up for success by kind of like if you have a shower every morning, you want to start taking vitamins, put your vitamins in the bathroom where you shower, if that's possible, right. And then take your vitamins as you're getting ready to go to the shower. It's so simple.

JS: Yeah, so yeah, just setting your environment up to write like eliminating things out of sight. I really think out of sight out of mind like why can't see it and there's a good chance I'm not doing it. So that can work for you and I can work against you. So the things that you keep putting them in your past. Got to trip over them and then be like, Oh yeah, and if you don't want to do something more than she would have to say if you don't see it, it's not there. It's like any big cookie jar.

VL: Totally. I love that. Let's think of a couple examples that would make Baker goals that we could break down into tiny habits. So I'll put you on the spot here. Can we do a health goal, business goal, and a third goal, surprise me.

JS: Okay, so healthy. You want to start eating cleaner. and that can be daunting for people because they are associated with the diet. Right? This isn't a diet just adding some help to your day.

So it's just starting to swap, swap some things so let's use that breakfast that morning. Like autopilot is like coffee, the warm beverage of choice for you in the morning. Maybe that's just because you're just so used to the smell of it when the routine of it or whatnot. Well, let's swap that out. Give yourself water or tea. You're still getting that beverage experience for your body.

What you're consuming is dramatically cleaner for your body than the coffee.

So that’s something that adds to being healthier in a day. but instead of smothering that bagel bagel with cream cheese maybe decide to slather on that bagel. Say that you're getting so good with these proteins that it is going to ask you for a lot longer and that vary based products that may not realize might have some no effects on your body consumed couldn't be lactose intolerant. or you could have a dairy allergy that's not so severe that's Have you run break out in hives or anything like that. but maybe that dairy and Dale are dairy intolerant. so minor. That is just making you, you know, a little bit congested. It's operating properly.

Like I don't know if anybody out there suffers from allergies, and your eyes are watering whatever it is you just feel like no one's performing their best way to structure your destiny.

So, it's trading in one thing for somebody else that could have a better positive impact on how your bond.

[25:20] VL: Yeah, that's fine too because it's much easier to replace an existing habit than it is to just add in or just eliminate it altogether. So yeah, it's awesome.

JS: Or maybe it's Hey, you're used to drinking juice in the morning. So you have that, you know, sweet liquid going into your body. Okay, well, let's add a scoop to that juice. So you're now getting a full serving of vegetables. With that juice, it's not just the juice.

VL: yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Right. It's like, think of what you're already doing. What can you add? Or what can you swap with? and we're like, yeah, and make it like a small change to right. back to what you said about the tiny changes. Okay, so let's do one more for our

JS: Okay, so let's do one more for our business. You have a goal you want to achieve a certain number of enrollments by the end of the month, right, whether that be new customers or repeat orders, oryou know what, how, what what number is it? That is a goal for you so set the goal set the GPS, because you we don't know where we're, we can't do anything without GPS. We don't. We can't map it out until we know where we're going. So you got to set a goal. Even if the goal scares the bejesus out you're like, makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit being like, there's you have, you've never had this number before ever in your business, like having a $10,000 or $100,000 month or whatever that number is for you as a business owner, or enrolling 20 new clients, or like whatever the number is, I want you to think of a number that would literally have you jumping up and down with sheer giddiness that you would do a happy dance for If you hit and then I want you to double it.

VL: Those are big hairy scary goals!

JS: Those are big, hairy, scary goals. Because the big mystery is the one that you have to put on the post on the mirror that you stare at you like, oh gosh, because here's the thing, like the goal that you set for yourself that is obtainable.

You;ll be like, well that’s possible. I can do that. But it may not force you to do things that you've never done before. Because maybe you've actually gotten close to that goal before or maybe it was. You actually did it once but it was only once and it was like a long time ago and you're like, like the star is just allowing it to happen. Your brain.

You know how to do it. So you're not going to actually make any changes to your daily interactions to do it. You have to double down, you gotta make the goal that much bigger to force your body to do things it's never done before you're like okay, well if I need to, if I need 50 new clients to my club.

Well, that means I need to have 10 times more conversation like if you want 50 Well, that means you need to talk to 100 people and tell them about it to get 50 The sign out and if you need to actually talk to 100 people to tell them about the program.

250 people are you hearing and in order to ask 250 people to hear about the program. Well then you actually need to reach out to 500 people for half of them to even acknowledge you and respond to you to say yes, half of them do actually hear it. Okay, and half of them to actually decide, yeah, I want that and then sign up.

So you have to like it, keep doubling. It's kind of the numbers.

But for you to be like alright, I'm gonna involve six new people to my gym this month.

I'm gonna, and I'm just going to talk to the same amount of people that I did last month when I signed up five. That's not going to work right?

VL: yeah, I like that. And I think knowing your numbers is going to be really helpful in creating those tiny habits that you're going to be doing every day and it's really about taking action. And kind of like getting you in that excited like, Ooh, this is a little bit scary. You know, I'm feeling a little rumbling in my tummy but you know this is, this is good, right?

And then it's exciting. And then you start to see that growth over time. And I think that's what's really something we haven't talked about yet is like not only stacking habits, not only enhancing those small things and taking the small actions but tracking the progress along the way and looking back like gold this month to sign up with 50 people and by the end of the month. I reached it. I reached 35. Let's say we like we're close we did more than the month before but we didn't hit our big hairy scary goal.

Okay, what can we do? What can we do differently, what worked what didn't and then using that information and using that data to move forward with the next hairy, scary goal or try to be the previous thing, right and yes, and then being able to see your progress and see how you've been able to evolve and transform and become this healthier version of yourself. Like not only are you feeling those small changes day to day, but you can start to see them over time too. And I think that's really impactful, especially when things get tough. And you need that consistency. The only thing that I the thing that people need to remember is it's not about that first month's goal whether you can it or not.

JS: It's about the activity that you did to start getting you there and that you keep doing even when you don't hit the goal the first month, because now you're in momentum. And momentum means that you're now in this rhythm and this groove the habits are now it's now getting easier for you to talk to those 10 people every single day.

Or ask those 10 people every day or reach out whatever that action is for you.

Pass the day 30 So that because we all know that it takes about 28 days to create a habit. Right so if you start doing this for you know those first 2830 days, your results are not what you wanted them to be. Don't stop because the real results of those first 30 days is actually going to show up the days

that you've planted don't all sprouts, Bloom or grow at the same rate at the same time.

And so that's that's what people will see people getting hung up is I only did it for 30 days and even when it started getting easier near the end, and they got into the groove at the stock because they're like, Oh, I said I was gonna do it for 30 This was the goal at the end of the month. No, keep going.

Because now you're in the groove. Now you're in momentum and that's what is actually going to pay you forward 10 times more than the first step. Right. It's going to take even less time for people to convert it to take less time for people to get back to you. Now because you've practiced so much you've gotten the marbles out of your mouth. You find two new messages. You realize what wasn't working in those first few reach as you did. You've now gotten it tightened. Seisen you're now seeing which ones actually people, you know, responded to.

This way. This is like a little bit of A/B testing in that first 30 days too. So that's the other key thing is once you got that the habit of doing the action going, don't stop.

[33:40] VL: Amazing. It's so true. And I think a lot of that time like you said that in that 30 days. It's a lot of a testing period. And it's a lot of overcoming some some obstacles, but you'll also start to notice that yes, it becomes easier to have it but we might not be doing it every single day right at the beginning right so we don't have that momentum yet. We don't have that. That action every single day yet.

So important. Well this has been incredible. And I feel like there are so many takeaways that people can start with today to really start that momentum and start that and create that transformation for themselves.

We do have one more section of the show. But before I get to that, I wanted to ask you is there something that hasn't been said? Today that you really want to leave people with?

JS: Healthy habits are your best friend. Healthy Habits is the thing that you can turn to in crisis that will support you through whatever it is you're going through. Healthy habits will encourage you to keep going.

Healthy Habits are truly the thing that will be by your side for the rest of your life. No matter who comes to you and your habits are the only thing that you'll have forever

VL: I'm going to make that little quote so that everyone can have that in their paper on their phone in their computer. Everywhere. I love it. So my dear Jessica, where can we find you? Where can you how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM @jess.loves.life

TIKTOK @jess.loves.life

WEBSITE http://jessicastephens.ca

VL: We have a rapid fire round to finish things off. There are four questions I will ask you, are you ready?

What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

JS: The Calling: 3 Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good

What does “empowerment” mean to you?

JS: Empowerment. Courage because you don’t need confidence to do things. Have the courage, have a single tool to tackle and empower themselves and empower others.

What is your longest standing habit?

JS: My longest standing habits… Okay, so I still have 42 have my baby born from when I was really interesting. And I sleep with her, as a married woman, she's I go everywhere with her I travel with her. So she is she is my longest relationship.

And part of my nighttime routine is grabbing pinkie and snuggling and thinking about my day.

And kind of having like a little conversation with her truly, of like talking about what I did that day and whatever. Like she was like my confidant. So she is like my longest standing relationship.

My longest standing habit of snuggling into bed with Pinky.

VL: follow up question with for that. Is there a drag fly on it?

JS: no she’s just pink. I did give her a facelift. So you know how they like it's come with like the border. So she had started to kind of like, you know, fray out. And so I think it was when I was like 20 Something she got new ribbon around the edge.

She got another update again. So yeah, she's gotten a couple of facelifts. But she's so beautifully attacked in one piece. 42 years later.

What are you currently working toward?

JS: I am working towards a lot of things. I am one of those people who can't just do one thing.

So I got a lot of things on the go. One thing that I'm working towards is growing my podcast and show that just, you know, the best space for people to come and share their stories and growing that community of listeners. So that's one thing I'm working on. Another thing I'm working on my business, helping a lot of people get control of their health with healthy habit programs that I got going on to show them how easy it is to incorporate some good healthy habits in so that's something else I'm working on. And third is I'm working on some fun homes, on red o's and home projects, outdoor gardens, filling my space with beautiful plants. So I'm a new plant mama and I'm working on growing my like my plant collection.

VL: Thank you so much for spending time with us today. Thank you so much for sharing all of this incredible wealth of knowledge you have. I am so excited to to share this episode with the audience. And like I said, I'll make sure that everyone gets the links to everything that you're doing and everything that you're up to at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash Jessica. Thanks again. Jessica. And I hope we continue these conversations more, maybe on the podcast, maybe online, maybe both places. But I do have to say thank you so much for everything that you do for how you show up for how you share this incredible story of transformation and the dragonfly I think it's really empowering and really inspiring and I'm so glad that we've been connected. Thank you.

JS: So fun, I love Thanks for having me in your space with your people. It's always just a huge thing to be trusted with an audience and Share. share the little knowledge that I have with the world. And I, I'm sure there'll be other collaborations between you and I have a feeling that will be partnering on some really cool habit stuff in the future!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!