E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Junielle Rosher

E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Elle Rosher

This is truly a wonderful conversation that brings anxious, or futuristic minds back into the present moment without losing sight of our big dreams and goals…

[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Elle, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you on the show today. Welcome. Elle Rosher: Thank you for having me. I'm really excited when we get into it.

VL: Me too, and I am so excited to dive right in. So I'm just gonna go out there and ask for it. But what is so cool about what you do is you are a mindfulness coach. And there are so many different and sometimes complex parts of being a mindset coach and talking about mindset or the power of our brains and the power of our minds and all these different kinds of nuances to that. One of the things that I really find even for myself or I get really caught up in is when I start to set goals whether it's New Year's goals or business goals, or q3 goals, wherever I'm setting goals. I know that for myself, I tend to get really caught up in the big picture and dreaming big and I get so excited about all the things that could become that I actually breezed in that moment. And I'm like wait a second, that's too big for me. And I know a lot of people listening who I mean, the show was all about empowerment and having those big, hairy scary goals if you want to call them up and delicious girls. So I know that I've gone along in that frozen feeling. Where is this? Where do we start with this?

[2:48] ER: Oh, such a good question. Oh my gosh, I love this. So the thing that I think we tend to forget is like if you can imagine it, if you can believe in the possibility that means that it can happen.

And what happens is, we get so focused on where we are right now and the mind and in particular the beliefs that we have about what we are where we are right now. And we apply it to the future. And so like if you're already thinking like, man, like right now I'm only making like $50,000 in my business and I want to make six figures next year. Like how in the world am I going to do that right and then we get focused on the how like, like where we don't have the power over controlling what other people do controlling the weather right? We're not We're not God, we're not a higher power. So the fact that we get stuck in that really does cause us to freeze because we don't know the exact steps that we are going to need to take to get there. And so you know, when you have that big and audacious goal, it's really about how you want to feel and what it would be like and what it would look like. And then and then releasing it in terms of just recognizing that you can only control music and your actions. And so by no means am I saying okay, let's just like when he said like we would release like you know, like those candles, like go up in the air right and like okay, it'll it'll happen right on your dwindling and it will show up like No, no, no, you have to take action. But what's the point of all of that is to allow for the unknown, to be exciting. You know, like, you don't have to know how it's going to happen. You don't have to know the exact steps. Just know that you are capable and that you are deserving of it. You know, like even like being on like this podcast, it was like something that I that I thought about and the way that it happened was like like, I hadn't considered that it would have happened like this where like, I comment and I congratulate you on on that post and then you say hey, we're like, like, come on some time. I hadn't considered that at all. And like, but what happens is like, we'll get caught up in the way that we were supposed to do it, completely eliminating all the other possibilities and not being open to what could happen.

[5:48] VL: I love that so much. I just got goosebumps because I really like to let go but how to make space for the magic and the possibility of what could happen. This has happened to me so much in the last couple of years. I went from working at like three different Pilates studios to owning my own Pilates studio. And I never thought like how would I even do that? I mean, it was a huge, amazing dream for me. And I'm like, and then when I were to share the story of how it happened it was nothing what I thought I never ever thought that it would happen in that way. And I could have never imagined that but because I didn't stress about how it just happened. And again, like it's so cool to kind of look back on all the things that we've done and and where we've come from and even you know things like this, like what you said I left a comment on your post and then it led to this conversation right here right now. So I think that's a really important reminder and I definitely needed to hear that today as well. So let's break this down just a little bit because I like to offer steps and I like to offer tangible practices. That's how I like to do it here. And so we have our goal. It kind of freaks us out and gets us really excited. We have this vision for the future. What should we write about? Do we just kind of meditate on it? Is there something that we're supposed to be doing to tell somebody?

[7:20] ER: I really think it depends on who you are. You know, maybe that visual is really good. Like for me I have a digital vision board as my screensaver on my laptop. I opened it up.

Like that's what I want. right? And for others, especially me, it really helps to be held accountable because you know when things are really hectic or just getting a little down to be hard to, again, like, feel the, the emotion of what it would be like to be in, to achieve that goal, right.

So I think like, the method doesn't really matter, like do whatever feels right to you, but just make sure that you see it on a regular basis. So it's not like the New Year's resolution where we have things from December 20 to like December 31 Or maybe like January 10 and then make this day can you like to stumble on it? And you're like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna do that this year, right? And then you completely forget about it. So I think like once it is something where you see ideally on a daily or weekly basis where you're just constantly reminded and then and then like really envisioning it, I think like that's like the most important thing, right? So be like, like really feeling into it like what would that look like? What would that feel like and get specific, you know, like, are you waking up in the morning with like, it's just quiet, right? like there's no things going off and you can sit down for two hours, have your morning coffee and read and do a buddy yoga like, what does that look like? and that's how you feel? feel free? I feel open, I feel expansive it's like, like those are the things you really want to get into.

[9:22] VL: I think that's wonderful and kind of curates the method that feels best for you. Like if you are someone who's really visual or if you are someone who likes to meditate if you're already journaling, incorporate that into what you're already doing. I think that's great, that's a great tip or if you're not already doing any of those things we could like I just wrote down like digital screensaver vision boards need to do this today.

I'm definitely going to be doing that.

That's a great one. So we have created the practice for us to tap into those feelings to feel, see and really connect to that control. And then we let it go. We release how we release the overwhelming thoughts of it. Now, if you're anything like me, and I know you're an Air sign, this probably resonates with all of us that we can have trouble grounding.

So now basically like we want to release it and we're kind of kind of doing it but we're having trouble like where's the stepping stone or as a starting point how do I get my feet on the ground?

[10:38] ER: What I like to do and again this is just like personal to me but yes, well i i For me like getting grounded. Oh my gosh, like until I really like tapped into who I am as an individual in my air sign, like it just made sense. And so for me like what I need to do is like, like just like starting with like the first couple of steps. You know, like literally just the first three steps and sometimes even that's overwhelming for me. And so I need to say okay, like that's what is that step? Okay, you meet, let's just open up my laptop. Like I'm trying to send that email for example. Okay, open up the laptop. Okay, now, Google browser. Okay, now Google Doc is like typing out the draft that I need. Right? And so I think like just taking those little steps and for me what's also helpful is setting either like a little mental or like actual timers of like five minutes, like, you're not putting any thought into this.

As in, you're not going to overthink it, right? You're just going to put the amount of thought that is needed to execute on the task and that alone, because I find that if I'm overthinking again I'm stuck. I'm not really getting anywhere. But if I like having a dance party or I'm feeling really good. What would take me 20 minutes under stressful situations takes me to it.

You know, and so once I know what those first initial steps are, and again, I'm in that right?

I wouldn't say bright but a positive, a good empowering headspace and, and, like emotional space. That's when I find it's really easy for me to do. And a way to kind of check in with yourself is to figure out what you are, what you're doing. I would like to do this. And if this is a oh yeah, like I genuinely genuinely want to do this. And for that you should really ask yourself why you're doing it. Like is it because someone told you to do it? Or is it because, like, again, when you're envisioning what you want for yourself, these are the kinds of things that you need. To do this because the truth is that there does come a point where we need to sacrifice what we are currently doing or parts or the little thing that we are currently doing that hinders us from going to that next level, right? A lot of the challenges that we have is that you're holding on to a lot of baggage, a lot of weight and we need to kind of like release it in order to incorporate right. So like really check in with yourself and ask why you are doing what you are doing and build that self trust.

[13:50] VL: Oh self trust!

That is not always an easy thing to do. But I will say something that really helped me build trust. This was like, very early on in my business, taking baby steps was taking action. So if I said today, I'm going to send an email. I had to send an email today to build that trust. And if I didn't send that email, I would lose trust with myself. And I'm sure you have learned this a little bit more about me since I've met a healthy habit mentor and I talk about, you know, different healthy habits as a unit corporated into our lives. So as you're describing, you know, checking in with ourselves and taking those actions to get to a bigger vision or that lead us to that bigger vision. You know, whether it's letting go of something or incorporating something in it. Those are the little actions that help move the needle forward. But it's not about like you said, you know, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the manifestation to appear. It's about doing something, doing the work, doing that small thing that we're implementing each day. And for me building trust with myself meant doing what I said I was gonna do, but it doesn't have to be. I think this is where I get the most stuck because one of my strengths and also my weaknesses is that I am very future oriented or very futuristic. I can see like any runnable future for you to describe your business to me, I would be like, Oh, I know that you're doing things like this podcast episode is only the beginning of something great and I can like fire you overwhelmed with excitement. And I do it with myself too. And then the next day, I'm like, oh, that's big. That's big dreams. Like, really pull the reins on the horse like whoa, and then all these things start to creep in. Whether it's like a negative mindset and limiting beliefs or like excuses, oh, I can't send that email today because of this. Right? So I feel like that's where the negative self talk starts to come in. So I like that you said you know, get yourself in that positive mindset. And that could also be something that people customize for themselves too. Right? Do you love dance parties and listening to music? Do you love moving your body or going for a run or just being outside in nature and really tapping into that, what I like to call a frequency or energy because that's kind of what actually pushes us physically forward. And that's where I think a lot of that magic happens and a lot of that transformation happen.

[16:45] ER: yeah, yes. And what came to mind as he said, that was, you know, like when you think about, like dieting for example, if you're trying to change up the way that you eat, it can be really difficult to remove most or if not all, like the junk food or the or like things that like aren't really helpful for that goal that you have in mind. But if you add in more of the healthier options, that will eventually kind of shift what you're doing and so, you know, I think that it can be detrimental to kind of go down that rabbit hole of like oh, why do I have this negative self talk and then you kind of like piece it back to like your childhood and now you're kind of stuck there. When in reality, if you just incorporate a little bit more of that positive self talk, right? Like maybe like listening to an episode of this podcast, right, just getting you more in that headspace and, and how you want to feel, then it really does become easier to do that more and more and, and build that habit of just like being kind to yourself, like, let's stop being roommates with ourselves and let's be our best friends. Let's be our cheerleaders. Because I mean, we're living with each other for the rest of our lives. So like we have to, we have to be kind, we have to make nice to be with ourselves, you know?

[18:21] VL: I love that I've never really heard that kind of phrasing before. of, you know, being in a relationship with ourselves and being kind to ourselves. So what would you say are maybe like, three ish or more if you want habits of how we could be kind to ourselves daily, like what are some things that we could do every single day to cultivate this relationship?

[18:48] ER: Oh, I like this question. Okay, let's do like a, like a physical, spiritual, emotional thing. Okay, so like, physically doing that thing for yourself that you present like that just makes you feel good. So for me, it's showering like, I don't know if it's because when I was younger, I'd always take showers in the morning. But whatever that is, whatever the case is, until I take a shower like I don't feel like myself, you know? So some do things that physically make you feel good.

Emotionally, cheering yourself on, like going back in and seeing something that you're really proud of yourself. for doing.

And, and again, just really like sitting with that and appreciating yourself for that. And oh, and to another thing for emotionality is like showing yourself grace, if you do something that you weren't proud of or like you made a mistake or if you failed, I'm using that with air quotes.

Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. but mentally is too kind of like I don't want to say like affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day, and kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome.

Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's see resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. But mentally is kind of like I don't want to say affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day. And kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome in order for that to happen in setting what I refer to as internal boundaries. So like any time, that negative self talk comes in, because you have set an intention to to divert those thoughts. You're able to catch it quicker. You're like, Oh, I see you and I'm acknowledging you and I'm labeling you. Right. I'm not mad at you. You don't think thank you for showing up. You're clearly indicating to me that this is a time for me to feel loved again, before I go back out into the world right? so thank you negative self-talk for showing up. Okay, now let's redirect this so that it's more positive and conducive to my well being and continue on from there.

[21:25] VL: Those were great!

Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's And then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, How do we know if we are on the right track? or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?

[21:55] ER: Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's and then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, how do we know if we are on the right track? Or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?

If you find that you are in more of like, the the mode and the mood that you had envisioned for yourself and if you are able to if you see, I don't like It's hard because you like you want to, like be positive, but then you don't want to go into like that toxic positivity like, oh, I'm thinking positive thoughts all the time.

But sometimes in order to like to really recognize change, you need to see what you are doing differently. And that might be like, like, less like negative self talk, you know, like, maybe you are taking more action.

Maybe there you find that you have more time to be creative. You know, like to give you a perfect example six months ago, I was just so fixated on my business, that I wasn't really doing much of anything for myself per se, you know, and then just recently my partner and I, we started our like gift shopping and I saw a hand lettering book in in chapters, and I've always wanted to try my hand at calligraphy. And so I said, Oh, you know what, yeah, let me pick up this book and you know, like, I've been dedicating time to do that and it's been fun and I have like my candle lit. I got some nice calming music going on. And you know, set time for myself whereas like, pass out what's not doing you know, so like, just like recognizing how far you've come and, and allowing that to be enough no matter how no matter like the distance you've gone, you know, because maybe it's just the fact that you have more awareness that you are growing, you know, or maybe it is something a bit more substantial that you're noticing. It really doesn't matter what it is just being present and recognizing that.

[24:17] VL: Yeah, I think that's special to recognize where you are and how far you've come. I mean, like I said, I wanted to play studio for a very long time. And if you asked me when I was 19 or if you told me when I was 17 like you'll have it right before you turn 30 You're good to go. Pilates studio. I feel like that's so far away. I can't wait 10 years for that. So you know, reminding yourself of the work that you have to doing and that it does take time and you don't have to know how like we've been we've been talking about but trusting that if you keep doing what you're doing that you're going to grow and I also think too, as much as I love goal setting, and there's something really important to recognize that there. We leave room for the magic. we're also leaving room for surprises, surprises of like, oh, I didn't know this was really interesting. Oh I didn't know that slavery was going to bring me so much joy. I didn't realize it was going to be so, such a huge part of my self care. Right.

I’ve been learning French on Duolingo for over 500 days in a row. Honestly, it started as something for me that I was like I need to turn my brain off every time like I'm not sleeping well because like all I'm thinking about is work. So I thought okay, well, my brain is busy so I want to do something. But how can I switch gears for something that's not working like meditation was just not working for me anymore? Like I can't, my brain is going crazy. So then I thought oh, learning any language would be really cool because I have to think in this new language. I can't think about work and do it in French. So, so yeah, I started doing that. And then it became just like, it became a meditation for me because it was just like anytime, you know, I was learning something and now that I built it up like, again, I think that I would be doing this for over 500 days days. That's pretty crazy.

But I'm so glad and I'm loving this skill and maybe one day that you're running my business in Paris and speaking in French, so maybe the content will become bilingual. So I'm leaving room for magic and for surprises.

[26:50] ER: Because here's the thing, like we don't know ourselves fully until we experience things right. It's like you don't know that you don't like that for me and you love me and until you dry it right? Like if you can go into the same restaurant eating the same meal over and over and over again, to the point where like you don't deviate from anything you have you aren't leaving room for those surprises. You know, and so that's just like perpetuating the version of you that is here right now. But that isn't allowing for that future you to really show up the way that you want to write the way that you have set that goal.

[27:33] VL: Yeah, absolutely. And it really can be as simple as it sounds like setting a theme for the day. I do this every morning where I stir my coffee and I'm stirring an intention into my coffee. I'm like how do I want to feel today? But I want to be today. How do I want to respond to things today? And that's something that's become such a ritual for me for the last probably a year that I've been trying it out and it really works for me and what's great about it is it can change and evolve as humans do. So you know today I have an interview with you. I have a lot on my to do list today. So today one of my intentions was to be present because I wanted to be in the moment and not think about all the things and so actually it's so funny that we're talking about this today because I have a lot of things to do in a very short two week deadline. And I'm like, okay, don't panic, it's going to be okay. This will all work out somehow it always does. So, and then what I ended up doing was because I have two weeks to get a bunch of podcast episodes done and a bunch of other things done that I wrote down. I called it my project management calendar. And I said I want all the little due dates of the next couple of weeks and then I'm just like plugging in, you know, what would be realistic for me to edit this episode and when can I start writing about this, the show notes and all that stuff. But you've given me such an idea to maybe write an intention for each of the days of like, okay, like this is the goal for today is actually to feel this. Yes, this is the outcome that I'd love to have and have this episode ready to go. But this is how I want to feel when I'm doing it.

[29:14] ER: Because then your energy is what's really driving the level of a good friend of mine who's actually Ontario's own poet laureate, Randell Adjei he, he once said You know, it's not about managing your time, the lesson is about managing your energy.

And so if you're, if you're, again, catastrophizing like, oh, gosh, I have all these things to do because of the deadline, like you're just draining your energy. So it's going to be this uphill battle because that is what he said. He basically said, Oh, I don't have time, is GUI dead, right? Oh, my gosh, I'm stressed right? Whereas if you are just bringing yourself back to the present moment of Yeah, right now I'm stirring my coffee. Like, how awesome is it to have the ability to just have this like this, this mindfulness moment. We started my coffee and setting an intention and doing all of that, you know, like, this is amazing. and that way like you're keeping your energy right now in this moment, preserving it and using it when you need to and using it in, in a, in a way that actually feel the you instead of depletes you.

[30:32] VL: For sure 100% That's exactly what it's like. because I have in the past spent more time worrying about something on my to do list than I do actually taking action on it. and I know that if I spent just as much time worrying about it ever just as much time doing it as I have worried about it, or energy for that matter, it would have been done by now.

[30:50] ER: Yeah, and doesn't it feel like you already did it 10 times over by the time you actually sit down to do it and do it over and over again?

[30:59] VL: Yes, and more often than not, I finish fast and I'm like, Well, that wasn't that bad.

[31:07] ER: Exactly. And so like, again, just recognizing a lot of that.

A lot of that is like pride and ego coming into it and not really you. You know because I wanted to do and when you are in your element, like in the flow of things and doing what you're supposed to be doing what you're meant to be doing. It's so much simpler. But then when the negative self talk when ego was like, like past situations happen, or you start thinking about those past experiences. It just, it just rains on your parade. It just crashes your party and it's not great, not great.

[31:55] VL: Oh my goodness Elle this has been such an incredible conversation. I feel like there were so many golden nuggets that you shared today. I did make some notes. I'm very excited to be sharing this episode with the community as well. and where we go into kind of a final segment of the show I did want to ask is there anything that hasn't been said today that you wanted to share before we move on?

[32:23] ER: Yeah, to me, talking about being present, being mindful of the fact that a lot of your energy will come from or like energy depletion will come from ruminating on the past. And catastrophizing, the future, that nine times out of 10. If you are able to do either of those. You are currently in a state where you can be in the present moment and be the person and be doing the things that are helpful. to you and your wellbeing you know, so it does take a while to catch that. like I even find that there's times when I find myself deep in a conversation with some man that isn't here. like whoa, okay, hold on. I'll bring it back.

Bring it back. We are not with that person right now. What are we doing? Right? So recognize that that will take time, but just building that awareness is so important, and that's always like the first step. And then the second thing I'd love to add as well is that whatever steps you are at, that is the stuff where you see and you're not supposed to be ahead and close your eyes or you're not behind. You're just exactly where you will be. Even if you feel like you are at step three and you still have like 99 more steps to go. Step three is just fine. You will eventually get there. But no matter what, whatever you learn from this current stuff is actually what is needed for the next step. Right so don't be worried about trying to like, skip ahead or kind of fast track things, in hopes that you'll get it sooner because maybe the timing isn't what matters, and the outcome is it.

[34:54] VL: That was a perfect note, to have a perfect note to end the conversation on I feel like this is an ongoing journey with ourselves and really connecting to how we change and how we grow each day and what that looks like what that feels like because really when we have these big goals are not an instance essentially get there tomorrow, but things do need to change to get there and that can be uncomfortable and that can be sticky and that can look like a lot of different things for different people. So really just taking it day by day, being present, being being okay with where you are and knowing that this is where you need to be I think writing all those down.

[35:35] ER: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like it's like that saying that's like I'm probably gonna like where they say like what you do in 10 years. It's like exponential what you do in one year, or maybe even condense like what you do in a year is so much bigger than what you do each day. Because each day is like you're building up, and you're gaining momentum to buy so that by the time the end of the year comes around, you've actually been working a lot of work even though you were in it. It didn't feel like it at the time, but when you look back Oh, like okay, no, I've made a lot of progress. 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. There we go.

[36:16] VL: 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years.

[36:25] ER: There we go.

[36:31] VL: I know what you're talking about. Yes. Yeah, it's so true. I do this. amazing Okay, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you and how we can support your business.

[36:44] ER: Elle Rosher @ellerosher

[37:51] RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading?

Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Living life on your own terms because you deserve to have it.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Okay, I'm gonna have to say Duolingo I've been doing that for like 274 days straight.

4. What are you currently working toward?

Embodying my authentic self. Like she is really cool. And she's also kind of intimidating. And she's also kind of intimidating.

VL: Thank you so much, again for being on the podcast. This has been an absolute pleasure. I like the only thing that I'm thinking is how have I not had you on the show sooner? But everything in its timing. So I'm dressed at trusting the house trusting the process. So I'm really glad that you commented on my Instagram post and it led us to this and I'm excited to see where our relationship will move into the next elevation the next growth like what Yeah, and I also want to acknowledge you for everything that you're doing the pivot that you're making, the shifts that you're taking, and also the people that you're helping. I know I haven't known you for very long, but even just after this conversation, I feel very full and very happy and joyful speaking with you because I know that like this authentic energy that you're talking about. I feel like you were able to speak so openly. And I'm so happy and excited with myself today. We don't really know each other that well for people to say. Yeah, I kind of like actually connecting even though we have lots of mutual friends. But what's so cool is being able to now kind of like watch your journey and watch your evolution and see where all of these amazing things are doing take you so, super, super, super excited for you and for your daydreams and just know that I'm in your corner.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!