E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business

When Stephanie and I first connected, she was just starting her business and was diving deeper into personal development. But there was a missing piece to the work and habits she was already doing. This missing piece turned out to be a powerful part of her journey, and made a huge impact on the behaviours and actions she was currently doing and elevated her success and daily life moving forward…

[01:00] Valerie: Stephanie, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here.

Stephanie: I am so excited to be here as well. I was very flattered when you asked me to be on it.

VL: Well, I think what's really cool about how we met each other and maybe I'll just slip this in here before you tell your story is that you signed up for a workshop of mine on a whim and we didn't really know each other and then we kind of got connected through friends and through social media. And it was really cool to see you in this workshop and then see your growth and follow you online this way. Because it was so new for me. That's a new experience for me. So I loved seeing how you were sharing this journey. And I thought, oh my gosh, this would be such a great story to share with the podcast and I know you're a listener of the podcast, so this is so great.

SK: Yeah.

VL: So why don't you start off with telling us a little bit about yourself and how you got into creating some of the habits that you are right now.

SK: Okay, so I am a mom of three little ones. I have been an educator for 15 years and have left the profession to pursue other things and health and wellness and have really, I thought I always had a healthy habits, but I think I just had habits that didn't necessarily come from a healthy place but more of a place of trying to gain control in my life. And I have really unpacked that for the past two years. And I really think that when I stood when I took your workshop I was I was in a place of saying yes to everything. And so when I saw that the workshop was being run I said okay, yes, I'm going to take that and it really opened up my eyes to the intention.

Everything that I did and the importance of those intentions, and that's really been like a common thread throughout everything I've done in the past two years.

[03:00] VL: That's so amazing. And I'm so glad you talked about intention because I think it's such an interesting introducing and oftentimes you see influencers on social media or you read books about successful people who have this like epic morning routine. I need to do the exact same thing is that but the intention is not there. So can I ask you what your intention was behind some of the habits that you have and maybe if you want to share any of those specific habits?

SK: My intentions now, our inner peace, happiness flow, things that they actually didn't understand. Previously, a friend of mine had asked me Have you ever been in a state of flow? And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Previously, all of my habits revolved around control, control around the way I hate control around the way I have my house controlling I parenting kids, and I didn't realize that that was actually I mean, such a negative impact on my physical and mental health.

When I took your workshop, and I really understood some of the things that I had let go and I had stopped getting dressed. I was still like wearing sweats all the time. It's still putting makeup on and stopped doing my hair. And I realized that I stopped doing those things, because I thought they were frivolous. And once I realized intentions like that the meaning behind it doesn't have to be super deep. But if it's something that you enjoy something that brings you happiness, then then that's a good habit to have. And so that's when I started to put on jeans, or do my makeup and I realized how much happiness that that gave me and I started to look for the happiness in my habits rather than simply having them to gain a sense of control. so things that I do now that are habitual are I make the kids lunch at nighttime, because that gives me an opportunity to be able to work out in the morning.

I will move my body in some way in the morning, that's more for pleasure, rather than punishment.

I move a lot slower throughout life. I allow myself to watch TV for pleasure rather than numbing out. There's lots of different things that I do now and I think about the why the why is most important thing to be like this.

[05:40] VL: Oh my goodness! I have chills listening to all these things. I love how you're talking about things you were already doing and just shifting the reason behind it. So it wasn't even like you made any massive changes overnight. And even those little photos where you're saying like you're putting your makeup you're dressing the time when you meet your kids lunches. It sounds like it's making it I know from watching you it's it looks like a tail that diverts making such a small shift of why is making such a greater impact or a bigger difference in your life. So I'm so glad that you said yes to that workshop. I'm so glad that you put the the things that you've learned into action into real life. So as I'm listening to your story, and I can relate to wanting to control everything, there's lots going on, we need to make sure that all the ducks in a row we need to make sure that we are going at the same time. And if someone is listening to this and thinking like I can relate I am also someone who feels like they need to be in control. What would you say to that person who wants to keep pushing forward even though they love what your peers say they love hearing that flow sounds amazing and happiness. How do we how do we move from that control how do we introduce this happiness and tension?

SK: So the funny thing is I kind of came to the realization through reading a parenting book called The Awakened family. And that made me realize that I was trying to gain a massive sense of control around everything, my outside to control the inner chaos and it was like a light bulb that went off and I didn't know how to shift out of that. So I went to therapy and I asked my therapist, and he said it's like a form of OCD to expose yourself to it. So the greatest thing was to allow myself to feel discomfort.

And that was where the biggest growth came. Because I wasn't going to let go of things that I was doing that I enjoyed like I enjoy working out. I enjoy eating healthy. I enjoy having a clean house and an organized house. But it was bringing more turmoil trying to keep it perfect. So I had to let myself feel the discomfort if those things didn't happen. And understanding that a habit doesn't have to be confined like you don't have it doesn't have to be so restrictive and that is what I didn't understand. I thought that if I let go, then it would feel like a sense of failure. And I also started to find myself a person who had these really strict habits and was I without them and once I realized that I didn't need to be that person who was perfect and let down so much of that guard actually allowed so much more ease into my life and people were able to really relate to me more and it was a sense of vulnerability that I wasn't prepared to share with people prior to that, but just you know, getting uncomfortable was my greatest gift.

[08:57] VL: So incredible. I love that and I know that you and I were chatting a couple of days ago or whatever that was like you were like I'm so uncomfortable on this podcast. It's sort of totally out of my comfort zone like you've got this and here you are showing up and rocking it.

What do you think was the biggest surprise about this mindset shift for you and about these changes in your habits? What surprised you the most?

SK: I think what surprised me the most is that I could be happier. Or I could gain a bigger sense of control both by letting go of control. And I really have thought so much more about that recently, because I didn't have a lot of control in my life as a child. I mean, it all goes back to childhood, right? So I didn't have a lot of sense of control as a child. And I gained that sense of control by creating these habits around certain things in my life and that and that made me feel safe and that made me feel in control. And once I realized that I could let go of that and still feel a sense of safety.

That was biggest shift and understanding that healthy habits are things that move you forward in the right direction whereas unhealthy habits can still look to the outer world like healthy habits, but if they don't make you feel good inside, If they feel like really restrictive then they're not actually healthy for you.

VL: So here's a tricky question.

What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either: What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either.

[11:40] SK: Yeah. So in terms of things that don't necessarily right. I have been a restrictive eater for about 20 years. I still really enjoy eating healthy but I need to keep a check on myself on what that actually looks like and I can very easily slip back into a little bit of negative thoughts around eating healthy. I don't know if you've heard of orthorexia, which is the obsession with healthy eating right. I never thought that that was a bad thing. But now I know better and I had so much disordered eating patterns. And so that's a place that I can really fall back into the negatives mindset the number one thing that keeps me on track is accountability. I'm part of a healthy habits club that I run through my business and we really focus on mindset first, and so that was the missing piece of the puzzle for me, is the mindset piece. So I now do tapping on a regular basis. I practice gratitude on a regular basis. I have a sort of breathwork as well. So focusing on that mindset always brings me back to a really positive place.

And honestly, I don't beat myself up. When I fall off track.

I've realized that there's no such thing as like starting again, or like day one or things like that. It's just like continuing to habit that maybe paused for a little bit and giving yourself grace to do that. You know, when I go on vacation now I don't but I still take on my vitamins drink like greens and do things like that. So I think really not beating yourself up but having some form of accountability, whether that's a friend or group that you're in, in a positive way because I've had accountability groups that focus maybe on those negative habits and And I think that can be a slippery slope and a dangerous path and I just have to keep myself really interact with that.

[13:48] VL: Yeah, that's a great, those are great points, all those titles. I love that you have this have this ability to connect with other people who you know, get the same thing out of it that you do, they need the same support. And I see this all the time with the on the groups that I'm in as well. So you talked about a lot of different habits and some people might be listening and thinking like oh, she took this workshop and then all of a sudden she's always having to change your mindset and all these things. But it didn't come all at once!

SK: no! Like I had a lot of habits in place and I like I said the intention behind it wasn't always healthiest. So it wasn't shifting that mindset and then incorporating new things and asking myself, like who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be?

What are things that make me happy? What would make me happier? What would make me a better parents, all of those things will then help create those habits.

VL: Exactly. And I know that you and I talk a lot about habits, too and it's really about building one at a time and they can all have similar intention or they can have multiple intentions and why is behind them. So I love that you just keep growing and keep pushing yourself and keep stretching and doing all of those things to help you with your habits help you with your growth with your business. With that being said, Is there something that you've really noticed that's changed since you started cultivating these habits with this different intention, whether that's your life, that's your, your job, or maybe it's parenthood, like what kind of changes has have come out of creating these unhealthy habits with this better mindset?

[15:41] SK: Well, I definitely think that's for sure. I think it's created a sense of inner calmness that has allowed me to become a better I think a better human in general. But I also think that it's really reflected on my children. My kids are calmer. They understand the idea of they don't like they're the habits that I'm trying to help them form. But they understand the reason behind it. And I think especially when we're modeling for our little people, teaching them that there's a reason to start these healthy habits is a way to really get them to get on board. And I think that even modeling for you know, I wasn't always the most calm person and modeling like take a deep breath. When I'm going to give myself a timeout. Like all of these different things are really great. ways to show them how to approach life. And so I think it's made me a much calmer, better parents. and I think they can relate to me a lot more and once I let down that guard as well.

VL: 100% I think it's really easy to see and I mean this in the best way is a really a great compliment a doozy to see someone like it just you look like you have it all together.

Smiling but I will say I love those little kind of, I guess like business interruption so like content interruptions, you know, you're talking about your business, you're talking about your habits, you're talking about your success. And then you have these little content interruptions, which is like when your youngest is pulling out all the pots and pans from the drawer and spreading them all over the kitchen and you know it's it's not only a sense of like a course you are letting your guard down and be more vulnerable like not everyone shows this on their social media, but you're also taking people into your space of like being a little bit more behind the scenes and being a little bit more like yeah, behave. Yes, I can still have these habits. Yes, it can still make this work as a business thing things. It's doesn't always look so perfect doesn't always look so effortless right there is work to be done there. There is effort in a lot of the habit, but it's worth it. That's what it sounds like.

SK: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And and you're right in the fact that like it's not perfect all the time and sometimes I don't feel like doing things at all. But it always comes back to because I've created that habit and because I know how it makes me feel like tap into my why behind and that always brings me back to a good healthy place.

VL: So before we close up, I want my question and that is to get to those whose feeling stuck, what would you say to someone who wants to start a habit but just share or maybe they're afraid or maybe they're confused? what would you say to them?

SK: Well, I think the biggest thing is to dive deep into why you want to start that habit. If it's let's say it's working out because that's something that often people want to start right like why do you want to start doing that? Do you want to be stronger? Do you want to be able to keep up with your kids? Do you want to just have those endorphins released? Do you want quiet time? Do you want to be able to form a community with the people that you go running with or cycle with? Do you want to achieve a certain physical something which there's nothing wrong with as well? Is there something that you want? And why do you want it because every single time that you question that habit or don't feel like doing that habit? Once you're able to tap into that you need a y that's going to actually motivate you because at some point that motivation will be gone. Right so tap into that why and then it will you know push you propel you forward.

VL: your why is that motivation that is that fuel to bring you forward. That's great advice.

So before we say goodbye, is there anything else that you really want to share with anyone listening to this or something that hasn't been said?

SK: I think just don't be afraid of failure. Don't be afraid of getting outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid of looking stupid and don't be afraid of what other people think. Because in the end, it doesn't matter. And I was actually going for a walk with my toddler today and I thought if all of us just approach the world like a toddler like jumping before they know that the ground is there or you know taking a pass where they don't know where it ends, or just wondering about I think we'd be so much happier. And so that's my biggest piece of advice is just, you know, start something before you actually know what the outcome is going to be.

VL: I love that experiment and have fun I love it. I was so good.

Thanks so much for being on the podcast today. I really appreciate you taking the time. I really appreciate you being vulnerable and trying experimenting and learning from your little ones and being able to share that today because honestly every time I see you show up I just feel like my heart is like beaming for you because I have seen the journey and I'm just so excited to keep watching and watching you Grow and Glow so it's really incredible. Thank you.

SK: Well thank you for having me.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!