E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator

Eliza is an International Integrative Psychotherapist. With Masters degrees in Integrative Health and Counseling Psychology, she combines her extensive knowledge in mind-body health, mindfulness, breathwork, and somatic psychology to support her clients back to whole-body wellbeing. Her private practice includes both 1:1 therapy and her signature 12-week online course Reconnect

[01:00] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm very excited to introduce you to a brand new guest Eliza Butler, Eliza. Welcome to the show. It's so great to have you here.

Eliza Butler: Thanks, Valerie. It's so good to be here with you.

VL: I love that we're connecting because I feel like we have a lot of interests in common and I know we both met through our group coaching. And whenever you like, share a book or podcast episode on your Instagram. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need to read that or Oh, I listened to that episode. It's so great. And it's kind of like, I don't know, it's just like really synchronistic the way that we've kind of weaved in and out of each other's social media and all those kinds of things like connected, virtually I guess this past year. But then also, I just love following you and learning from you because you are this incredible wealth of knowledge and your Tik Tok is amazing. your Instagram is amazing. Your you want is also amazing Like girl, you just, you're doing it.

[02:18] EB: A lot of cool things. Thank you. Yeah, it's taken me a long time to just allow myself to feel creative in these spaces and it's feeling really fun and aligned and I feel the exact same way about everything you put out. It's just so fun. to learn from you and grow from you and see all the amazing things that you're up to. So yeah, I'm really happy that our paths have crossed and that we're here now together.

VL: Thank you so much. And honestly I can tell that you've because since we met, I don't know almost a year ago. I can see your growth and like the comfort level in how you share and how you teach in this online space. So that's pretty cool to see that evolution. You are stepping into who you are now so yeah, it's awesome. But one of the things that you do really well is you are an incredible breathwork educator. And this is something that I'm really drawn to currently and in the past and I really want to dive into with you. So why don't you tell us a little bit about what breathwork is for someone who might be listening who doesn't know or maybe they've heard that word before, but they're not sure exactly how to describe it. What's breathwork? What do we need to know?

[03:38] EB: Oh, where do you even begin? It is such an amazing resource.

You know, I like to say that everything begins and ends with the breath, both life and just generally not to get too esoteric right off the bat.

But our breath really is our most abundant resource when it comes to our health and well being and it's often overlooked, right? Like we talk a ton in the wellness space. We talk a ton about nutrition and movement and embodiment and trauma, healing and all of these things. But really what I've found to be the most supportive in terms of helping us back into connection to self is through the breath. And so breath work is sort of this umbrella term. That just means any sort of intentional manipulation of the breath and there's tons of different types of breath work patterns. there's tons of different ways to do breath work for all different reasons. So it's really you know, number one is to figure out okay, what is my intention with the breath work? what am I hoping to support myself with through breathing, and then there's actually different techniques, different patterns, different breathing ways that you can utilize to support you with that intention.

So, for me specifically, you know, I am a psychotherapist and a counselor. So I'm really drawn to the mental health side of things, but I also have this background in integrative health. I was a health coach for years. So I recognize the importance of looking at your health, your mental health, specifically from a holistic standpoint. supporting your physical well being to support your mental well being etc, etc. And I found that breathwork is is one of the one easiest, and two, most accessible way to do that.

And so there's sort of two ways that I like to work with breath, which is, the first is the more sort of functional breathing, so making sure that you're breathing correctly, to support your health, even when you're not thinking about the breath. So, you know, we breathe upwards of 20,000 times per day, which is insane if you think about it, like, you know, we eat three to five times a day, we work out maybe once a day if we're lucky. but here is this thing, this breath that we're doing unconsciously and consciously throughout the day, that actually has huge impacts on our overall health and wellbeing So you know, the functional breathing side is really making sure you're breathing in a way that is supporting your health and well being, even when you're not thinking about the breath, because we can't be meditating for hours and hours a day as much as that would be lovely.

And so I support my people through that avenue and then the other avenue that I'll just quickly touch on is the more sort of breathwork journeying side of things which is really great for things like trauma, healing and emotional release and getting in touch with maybe stuck patterns and stuck energies in the body. That's more sort of the spiritual side of things and I work one on one and in groups with the breathwork journeying. But I found that the real like foundation is the importance of starting with this functional breathing side of things and making sure that people are breathing in a way that is not only supporting their mental, emotional, spiritual, physical well being, but also preventing any future illnesses or diseases, diseases or things that come up kind of along the way. So yeah, it's all about sort of emotional regulation, nervous system regulation.

And I feel like I'm kind of rambling because again, it's such a robust topic, and I just get so excited that we have this tool that so many of us just don't recognize its powers. So yeah.

[07:52:] VL: Oh my gosh, you're so right. And you had so many great points there. right at the end, you just listed a bunch of ways that we could use our breath and that was going to be my follow up question was, what are some of the reasons why, you know, we could focus on the breath language we just breathe naturally and innately like we don't need to think about breath. we don't need to sit in meditation for breath. but it really does support so much more than just being alive in that moment.

So with that foundational piece of functional breathing and how to breathe, I feel like Could we get into fifth you teach me how to breathe without thinking about it?

EB: There's a lot of different things I could say. I think just to sort of reiterate how important it is, you know, if you think about the breath, when you inhale, you're inhaling oxygen. When you exhale, you exhale carbon dioxide, right? It's just a basic simple gas exchange is really the breath in its simplest definition.

But if you think about oxygen, oxygen needs to then go to all the cells, all the muscles, like we need oxygen to function. We need oxygen for every single cell and function properly. And so really, like I could list everything that the breath sort of supports us with but it would be the entire length of this podcast because it is everything, every single function in our being is affected by the breath.

So it’s a lot.

VL: Totally.

EB: Yeah, and to answer your question, you know, so many people breathe dysfunctionally and so some signs of dysfunctional breathing, our upper chest breathing that kind of mentally, hyperventilation, which I see a lot, something like 80% of people 80% of the people in the corporate space like hold their breath while typing emails or something like insane like that. I think. I think that the statistic is 80% of people.

And I've found myself guilty of it right. So the first step is really that breath awareness piece of when am I holding my breath? When am I shallow breathing? When am I breathing in and out of my mouth because mouth breathing and we can get into that is really not great for your health and well being.

When am I sort of bracing for impact? And yeah, I work with a lot of people with trauma. So it's a lot like that hypervigilance piece around trauma and the nervous system is like keeping us in that sympathetic state of just bracing for impact or waiting for the next bad thing to happen or waiting for.

You know, just waiting to kind of fight or need to like defend ourselves or X, Y and Z, you know, so, it's really about first, being aware of when you are triggered to breathe dysfunctionally when you're triggered to sort of either hold your breath, Breathe shallow breathe in the upper chest, right.

So that's sort of the first piece I'd say.

[11:22] VL: Yeah, it's really noticing which of those categories maybe you fall under?

Because I see this a lot when I teach Pilates. I do a lot of intro private classes. And the first thing that I do with people is teach them the Pilates breath. And as I'm talking about how I want you to breathe in class, it's a pretty deep breath considering that we're using a lot of muscles and we're moving in certain ways and we're holding in our body and stabilizing a lot of the time. And people get really caught up and like Oh, this feels really opposite to what I'm used to or they'll say, or I'll catch them like holding their breath or reversing the breath often. And I just say don't worry if you're breathing you're already on your way to doing Pilates. If you're not breathing. Now we have a problem. You're holding your breath. But one of the things that I notice is that most people, like you said, have a lot of the upper chest breath and they're having a hard time keeping that Pilates breath pattern because they're not actually fully exhaling.

And, I mean, I don't spend the class teaching them Pilates like solely on the breath and like oh, what else are you holding on to and let's dive into Let's peel back the layers for that one.

But I know that there are other things there. And so one of the things that I have people do is just exhale as much air as you possibly can. And when you think you have exhaled everything, tried to push a little bit more breath out, and all of a sudden they're able to take this huge inhale breath back in. And it's like, okay, you have completed that cycle. Whereas if you're just doing that quick, inhale, exhale, there's so much else left within you that you're like, Have you even finished the cycle? Did you even breathe? Yeah. do you even feel the breath like when people eat really fast and I didn't even taste your food. Where did your breath go?

[13:28] EB: Oh, totally. And I love that your Pilates studio is called Exhale Pilates because it's so brilliant right? Because we think that the inhale is the most important part because we're bringing in that oxygen, right? It's like, we need that oxygen. But in reality, that exhale is what's going to get us to that place of being fully resourced, deeply relaxed. And able to be resilient to all of life's challenges. I mean, I remember I was in a luxury style class pretty recently. And the teacher said this amazing thing that was meant as kind of a joke but I was thinking about it for hours afterwards. He said, everybody it was, it was a really tough move. And everybody was like, you could tell that it was like a tangible, palpable everybody was just holding their breath trying to just push through this really hard exercise. And he said something like, you know, if you're choosing to, or he's like, “if you're holding your breath, you're choosing to die. Choose life! Choose life!”

Of course I kind of funny, right? But at the same time, I was like, I was so profound. Yeah. You're holding your breath. You're, you're choosing to die slowly, because the exhale is really what's going to support you through those hard movements. Not only in a workout class, but also through life. That exhale is so so so important.

So yeah, that is really stuck. with me for a while and I just love it. I love that visual as maybe morbid as it sounds, because it's really like It is a matter of life and death. truly, right. our breath is the first and last thing we do like I said, and it's I mean you can you can go deeper into that but it's, it's truly a spiritual practice, and it's also just a really practical practice.

[15:32] VL: Yeah, and even when I was teaching yoga more often we talked about breath as your lifeforce energy. That's exactly yeah, it's giving you life and you're right. I mean, it's, it's more of it's not even more, but it's real.

Is there a practice that we could perhaps start our day with, or something that we could integrate into a routine or a ritual that we have, that's something that we can do maybe in this moment together?

EB: Yeah, let's do it.

Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. Our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.

Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.

For more functional breath. So maybe actually let's inhale and exhale through the nose and just, let's just see how it feels.

[18:13] VL: Yeah. I’d love that, let’s do it.

EB: So getting into a nice relaxed position, shoulders back and down softening through the belly.

Don't worry too much about sort of posture and utilizing the diaphragm to come but let's just focus on the tempo of the breath slowing down the breaths, taking a nice, big inhale 2-3-4 And then exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7 inhale 2-3-4 exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8 more Inhale. 2-3-4, exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

And then just allow yourself to return back to normal breathing. And notice how that felt. Right? Again, it's what you were saying earlier, which is maybe that exhale, felt a little bit uncomfortable, but to really empty the belly fully and completely and feel a little bit challenging. And that's, yeah, how did that feel for you?

VL: Yeah, I feel very centered.

I used to practice that breath all the time. And then I don't know I'm just out of practice from it. But it feels really good. I was a little worried because I mentioned to you before we hit record that I ate something spicy. My nose is a little bit stuffy. I blew my nose before so I was like, Oh crap. We're gonna talk about breathing and I can't breathe, right.

That was great. I actually could breathe through my nose really well. Yeah, it feels so good to consciously breathe. So my question is, how the heck am I supposed to do that when I'm not thinking about that?

EB: Yeah. So in my new, self paced mini course, I dive deep into a lot of different practices, and the sort of different pillars of functional breathing. And so it's sort of like, I equate it to going to the gym and learning how to you know, squatting 100 pounds so that you can pick up your groceries correctly, right? It's that functional movement piece. It's the same thing with functional breathing. So I give a step by step guide of exercises that you can do that are basically like muscle memory. So that you can begin to utilize those correctly, not only not breathing muscles, but also like through the nose and making sure that you're breathing in a way that is supportive.

When you're not thinking about it, and it's just you just naturally begin to like form this beautiful relationship with your breath where you awareness is, is there. so you're able to recognize oh crap, like, I haven't breathed in five minutes. Okay, I'm gonna return back to those functional breathing practices for even just a minute at a time.

And so it really becomes a mindfulness practice, this awareness of the breath, this relationship with the breath, so that you can return back again and again and again.

Similar people meditate. You know, you can really be aware of your thoughts as they're arising and you can choose to engage with them. or not. Similar to the breath you've become really aware of, oh, I'm breathing this way. and you can choose a more functional way.

And then of course, I have little tips and tricks in that course as well, so you know, make sure you're breathing correctly while you're sleeping. because we're not conscious at that point. What do you do then? and so it's, it's really fun, and it's an ongoing, lifelong thing and changes and it's a deep inquiry that I just love seeing how people perceive it and how people work with it and, again, everyone is so different, every nervous system, everybody is so different so it's been really fun to see how it evolves, for everyone.

[22:44] VL: Yeah, that's so cool. What a great resource for people to have. Where can they find it?

EB: Yeah, on my Instagram I have a little like, Link tree milkshakes thing with all my different resources. The course is called Breathe to live so definitely check that out my Instagram is Eliza b dot well and then, so that's probably the easiest way to find it. Yeah.

VL: Cool. Yeah, as you were saying that different breath breathwork practices. Everyone has their own way of connecting to it. It reminded me of when I did a scuba diving course in Honduras. And I actually was, it was actually really cool. But the first time I tried scuba diving was on a family trip to Mexico and it was really scary. When my family went we did like this little pool dive and then they're like, Okay, we're gonna go out and I'm like, This is not for me. I don't like this. But something made me want to do it again later. So I was about 17 and didn't get on that family trip. And then I was closer to 25 or 26 when I wanted to do it again. So almost 10 years later, I'm like something in me was just like, I'm going to take a scuba diving lesson. I'm going to do like open water course. And so I went to Honduras. On our first day, doing the dive there were four of us girls in the course and two of the girls were panicking. And they were having a really hard time and then me and the other member of our group. We were doing pretty well. And to be honest, I noticed very quickly that as we were descending into the water, my physical body was like whoa, whoa, whoa, we do not do this. We do not breathe underwater. This isn't what we are. This isn't us like we're not fish. We don't do this. And so I started to think I started to become a little bit more panicked and think like, oh my god, yeah, like, I'm not a real mermaid. I like to think that I'm a mermaid but I can't actually breathe underwater. And I remember telling myself like, through my meditation practice, as you mentioned, like those thoughts that come up, and kind of talking to myself because you can't say anything underwater. neither. you can't talk underwater and you can't breathe underwater. so you can't communicate your fears to people unless you're above the surface level. And so I'm talking to myself. And I'm saying, okay, like you wouldn't do this if it was that dangerous, and I have this apparatus that we've tested that I am using right now to buy.

Right now to breathe. And I would physically tell myself or physically do as I told myself freeze, and so I would say I'm inhaling and I would use that apparatus too. And it was mouth breathing too, which is also very unusual for myself but you can't breathe through your nose when you're scuba diving. So it was like relearning how to breathe. But I remember being like, Okay, I'm inhaling and when I take the biggest inhale I could. I am exhaling the same thing there. Yes. exhale through the mouth. I cut and I just kept doing that over and over. I'm inhaling and exhaling over and over again and watching the bubbles. And it really helped calm me down. I ended up staying for the whole course. And then taking an advanced scuba diving course because I loved it so much, but it became more of like a meditation for me, but it was really that breath piece that I had to overcome or center in with and honestly, it wasn't like a specific breathing breathwork technique because you can't really do anything fancy dancy underwater like that. It's simply just inhale, exhaling.

Slowly but it made the world of a difference because you can see how much of that nitrogen that you use underwater. When you come up to the surface. You can look at your well when you can look at it underwater too. But the owner of the course or the owner of the school that I was at was with us on that dive and he's like, Okay, well let me see your metrics. And so I showed him that I forgot what it's called. This is so bad. This was a while ago now. But I showed him my rating or whatever. And he was floored, like you've never done this before. And I was like no not really I've never seen before. And he was like, you have almost as much nitrogen in your tank than I do. And I teach this like I own the school. Like really? He's like, Yeah, you've got a really good breath capacity, I guess. And I was like, Oh, cool. We're gonna teach meditation. And yoga. Maybe that's Yeah, but it was. It was really a powerful tool. And like you said, it's something that we always have. And honestly, it was the only thing that I had at that moment. I didn't have a little trinket to rub my fingers with. It could be paint or jewelry, like, there isn't, you know, some people like a photo or a song that they play. like I didn't have any other things other than my breath. So yeah, I just wanted to share that story because I felt like it tied into what you're describing.

But my question for you is do you have a favorite breathwork practice? You don't have to, we don't have to do it right now. But do you have any favorites that are your go-tos?

[28:30 ] EB: Yeah, well, I just want to say thank you for sharing that story. And what I really heard in that story is safety. Like, it is possible to find safety in the breath and that's exactly what you were saying and safety is really, you know, safety for the nervous system. That's like number one, for resilience and change. You know, we need to feel safe in these uncomfortable situations in order to change in order to grow in order to heal in order to, you know, look at our past in a reflective way that's not re-traumatizing and all of these things. And so, that piece Yeah, you're so right. We have these sort of safety things in our day to day life where there are sort of coping mechanisms, right. But we often don't recognize that the breath can be just as supportive and in creating that safety when you build that relationship to it.

So I love that story. Thank you for sharing. I forgot your question.

VL: I was wondering if you had any favorite breathwork practices or what to use?

EB: Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Again, it's this beautiful, moment by moment relationship, and I'm grateful that I have a wealth of different breathing techniques and tools. But I will say like for my morning routine, I love utilizing the conscious connected breath which is the type of breathing I do with the breathwork journeying. And that is a more up regulating breathwork meaning it's, you know, designed to activate the nervous system a bit more. So I think that's kind of a cool thing about the breath too, right? We often think that the breath is just for relaxation, for more meditation, for that sort of safety that we were just talking about. But it can also be used for more upregulating activating certain things if and when you need it, which is super cool. And I am pretty tired in the morning. Often. I'm not the best morning person. So I like to utilize the conscious connected breath which is a more upregulating kind of continual breath for a few minutes. I usually do about 30 to 50 of those breaths to just kind of you know, get me into my body tap, tap into my well being I usually maybe put a song on and sort of breathe to the song that maybe I'll do some little movements to kind of get out any of that stuck energy or residual sort of tiredness from the morning.

So that is one of my favorite things to do in the morning. And then at night, I'll usually just do something similar to the one to breathe for 10 to 15 minutes, like while I'm in bed, reading like I don't even set a specific separate time to do it. I'll do it when I'm reading in bed. at night or something like that.

But, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of different ways I could answer that question.

[31:35] VL: Yeah, I guess it depends on the intention. Right. Like okay, what do I have in my toolkit? How do I feel? What is the connector there?

Yeah, and I think you did that while you're reading I mean, it is something so powerful, yet so simple. We have it here.

EB: One that's, that's what I found is it's almost a hard sell for a lot of people. Not that I'm really trying to sell people on the breath. I mean, people are breathing throughout the day, but I think a lot of us feel like we have a lot of complicated problems in our lives. And so therefore the solutions also need to be complicated, when in reality, it's like you can't solve a complicated problem with a complicated solution. Oftentimes when it comes to our well being and our health and ourselves and connection to self. And so it's almost like people think, okay, no, this is just too simple of a solution. like, no way can I support, years and years of suffering or problems or health issues or mental health issues with a simple thing as the breath, something that I do all the time, when in reality, it is that powerful and it can be that solution, or it can be that sort of starting point towards the solution, which is just awesome. And so when I'm able to sort of see and support people through that connection, and see how the rest of their healing unfolds, just from starting with the breath, it's like, my favorite thing ever. It's why I do what I do.

[33:13] VL: I love that. I know what you mean. That's like, small habits, right? Just yeah, consistently. It's really what's gonna be the difference between the breath and breathing. Right. It's doing it again and again. Yeah, I think a lot of people were, well, a lot of us and myself included. We're so used to that. instant delivery. We're so used to the instant download of the instant answer, whatever it is, you're looking for. Even Google when you Google something, it tells you how many point zero seconds it took to find that answer. Something to prove that. Yeah, that's really weird. But, you know, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna take this deep breath in and out. I'm not going to feel amazing instantly. And although yes, when I just practiced what you led me through a few minutes ago, I did feel a sense of calm. Do I feel like I've healed trauma…? No but I can see how, okay, if that was just what a few rounds of breath could make me feel like, can you imagine if I did that for longer or daily or that's how I woke up in the morning. Yeah, I can totally see that.

EB: Exactly. It's a lifelong resource. It's a fun tool. As long as you're alive, we will be breathing And so yeah, it certainly doesn't happen overnight.

VL: Wow, this has been really, this has been a really cool conversation. I know that we could talk about this for hours and hours, and all the different layers of it, but I know that people can also connect with you so where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business, you know, you mentioned your Instagram is a go-to spot?

Eliza Butler

Instagram @elizab.well

TikTok @elizab.well

Free Morning Routine Workbook

RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

EB: I'm currently reading this super dense book on the polyvagal theory polyvagal theory attachment communication self regulation by Steven Porges all about polyvagal theory. It's great if you're really diving if you really want to dive into polyvagal theory which is that sort of nervous system regulation by a safety.

That's kind of what I'm consumed with currently. And the novel that I'm reading I usually do like one educational novel. The novel I'm reading right now is called Homegoing. Have you heard of it? No, I haven't. It's an incredibly beautiful, horrific kind of exploration in two generations of people starting from the Gold Coast on the Gold Coast in the slave trade and the relationships between the English and the native Africans there. and the history of all that but it's a beautiful sort of novel that I highly recommend.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

EB: I love this question. Empowerment means connection to self. It means being able to be connected with yourself while also finding belonging in others. It means taking responsibility for yourself and your life and recognizing that you and everybody is capable of that connection of belonging and ultimately healing.

I think and I mean, I dove deep into this with my work in integrative health and as a health coach, you know, oftentimes the medical system and this is a whole other conversation but the medical system doesn't support this idea that we are capable of our own healing. we need experts and experts and experts when in reality we really just need people who are willing to support us and willing to remind us that we are capable of our healing.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

EB: Movement, movement. I grew up a really competitive hockey player, ice hockey player. And so I've always felt really, really lucky to always have this deep connection to movement as a form of self care.

yeah, I guess I'll just leave it there. Yeah, movement, daily, daily movement, whether it's yoga or actual, you know, hit classes or things like that. I've gotten really in touch with sort of what I need when I need it, and I'm grateful for that.

4. What are you currently working toward?

EB: I think I am always working towards and will always be working towards a deeper presence, a deeper acceptance to what is and allowing myself permission to fully embody my humaneness, which maybe sounds a little bit convoluted, but really just acceptance, Acceptance of self. always.

[40:51] VL: I'm so excited for you. Thank you so much for being on the show. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here. I love that we've been able to connect again and that we've been able to meet because you are such a beautiful light and honestly you give so much to your community that they want to to acknowledge you for showing up today means a lot to me and I know the listeners are gonna love this episodes.

EB: Thank you. so it's been such a pleasure to reconnect with you and support you on your journey and feel that support from you and I'm just really grateful.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!