E259: Embracing Motherhood: Letting Go of Perfectionism, Creating Mindful Rituals, and Rediscovering Yourself

Embracing Motherhood: Letting Go of Perfectionism, Creating Mindful Rituals, and Rediscovering Yourself

In this episode of The Women's Empowerment Podcast, we sit down with Lauren Talbot, a passionate advocate for well-being and self-discovery, and the founder of SPACE BETWEEN. As a first-time mom, Lauren shares her transformative journey of embracing motherhood, releasing old identities, and finding balance between intuition and holistic practices. She dives deep into letting go of control and perfectionism, adapting rituals and routines for new moms, and creating a mindful home environment. Lauren also reveals how her child has become a powerful source of inspiration, helping her stay present and aligned with her true self…

Follow Lauren on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/therealspacebetween/

Visit Lauren’s website at www.therealspacebetween.com

Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment podcast. Today we have a brand new special guest, Lauren Talbot, who is a passionate advocate for well being and self discovery, seamlessly blending intuition with holistic practices and science at Space Between. With certifications in breathwork, Reiki, yoga, and a tea sommelier, along with 15 years in the film and television production, she crafts transformative experiences that invite you to explore your true self.

Discover the magic of your journey with space between. I am so excited for this episode because Lauren, I've known you since. Yoga teacher training, which was over a decade ago. And since then we have kept in touch, even though we sometimes feel like we're worlds apart, even though now we live in the same city, believe it or not.

But what I'm really excited to talk about with you is this brand new chapter for both of our lives. You're a little bit more ahead of me, but it's all about Motherhood. And I know, because I've shared this with you and I've been able to share this on the podcast as well, but becoming a mother has been one of the most transformative experiences of my entire life.

And I feel like it just continues to transform. So please, please, please, please, Let's kick this off with what can you share about releasing the old you and embracing this new identity as you become a mom or you have this profound transformation into motherhood?

Lauren Talbot: Well, first of all, I just want to say thank you for having me on the podcast.

I'm super excited. And it was funny. I was looking at pictures of us from our training days and like, We were babies.

VL: You were babies. And we were babies.

LT: I know. And, you know, life has changed so much since then. And, yeah, the, the evolution from being just somebody. Living life, having fun, and then going into motherhood, I think, is something that nobody can, can prepare you for.

And it's funny, like, if you have friends that are, are parents already, or you're talking to family members, and, you know, I look back on those conversations, and it's always so funny to me, because, Everybody always said, like, everybody's figuring out, nobody knows what's going on, right? But it is a huge transformation.

It is one that is it does, it continues from, you know, the moment that you welcome this new human into your life, and before then too, but really that moment of meeting, and then every day after that, it's like, A new unfolding and you meet new parts of yourself. So it is, you know, a very profound transformation and evolution of self and you really get an opportunity to get curious about who you are.

And maybe who you're not and who this little person

VL: is

LT: and the dynamic of your life after that, because it's forever different.

VL: You said so many great things. I think the one that's one of the many things that's really striking me is that you're meeting different versions of yourself. Every day. I'm like, wow, who is this person?

LT: Yeah.

VL: And sometimes I, people ask me, like, how do you do it? And I honestly just look at them and I'm like, you just do it. You just wake up and do the things because you have to.

LT: Yeah.

VL: There's no break. No. And even when you get a quote unquote break, it's not really a break. But it off. No.

LT: No.

VL: Mm mm.

LT: So it's continuous.

And continuous. Sorry, I'm trying to like formulate my thought. Also, like, mom brain, please. Continues. No, it's like you don't, you don't get to turn it off. You don't get a break. You just show up because you have to show up. And that's okay. But you, you know, as much as I try to infuse like mindfulness and consciousness into my mothering and our family, it's hard to do that.

Sometimes you are like, just going on. instinct, which is like the primal mothering thing, right? It's like, you got to really deeply trust that instinct and, you know, not push it away. I think it's really easy to push it away in other ways, in other areas in our lives. But when you have this baby, this little human that you're now responsible for, like you got to really Get in touch with that.

VL: Yeah, absolutely. And it's so easy to You know get caught up in the noise. Oh, yeah outside world because everybody's got an opinion Mm hmm and going back to what you said about before meeting this little human and all the Conversations you're having with the people who have been there before you You know, we don't always have the same ideas ideals and Goals priorities as those people in the, that we're having conversations with.

So, and the other thing too is what I thought that I wanted in my motherhood or what I thought motherhood would look like for me, for myself, even forget about those conversations. That was such a, I don't want to say it was a wake up call. It was just different. It was different than what I expected. It was different than what I imagined.

And also part of me didn't realize that while I was falling in love with this book, Baby, I was also grieving my past life and not past, you know, past life as a, as a non mother. I don't even know what to say. As a person before having a baby, I didn't know, I didn't, I didn't realize how big of a shift that was going to be.

And it's like, Oh no, no, you can never really go back to that person that you were.

LT: Never.

VL: What, what do you say to someone who's, who's feeling that, who's feeling like, Oh, I'm I miss her. You know, yeah, go for it. Sorry.

LT: It's, it's interesting. I don't even know. I felt like the first few months, especially like you're just so in the thick of everything and like the magic and the muck, like you're in it all.

Right. So you don't really have a chance. Or at least I felt like I didn't have a chance to like realize the parts that I missed and when I had time to reflect on that, you know, yeah, there's There's, I would say the hardest thing for me was the, the sense of freedom. That was a really hard adjustment for me.

And you know, not being able to go do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it was like really hard. I'm fiercely independent. I like to be on my own rhythm, right? And now you really need to adapt to the rhythms of the like mother baby, which, you know, Again, it's wonderful, but there wasn't any like, okay, I'm going to, I'm just going to run out to the grocery store.

I'm just going to do X, Y, Z. Like there's so much more that goes into every single step of your life. So. You know, I think that you can talk honestly to people who are entering motherhood, right? You're going from maiden to mother. Some people like to say the mattresses, but I, I don't think that there's anything that can prepare you again until you're into it.

And I think also just giving yourself the pay, the place and space to grieve that, like that is. Okay, you're allowed to miss those parts of yourself. You're allowed to miss your old life and you're allowed to be excited about all the new and all the different, right? I think that sometimes we don't do so well at holding space for mothers in this like profoundly life changing chapter that they're in.

So, you know, I'm not sure in terms of advice what I would have for somebody, but I would just say like it is. It's so funny, and I remember this conversation, I'll say this, is we shortly after River was born and we went to go visit some family and we were talking to some cousins and they were, you know, saying, Oh, like, amazing that you guys are doing XYZ.

And I was so naive. And so it was still like that, like two week period where everything felt kind of easy, right? And I was like, you know,

VL: well.

LT: It'll just adapt to our lives and we'll make it work. And like, we'll do, we'll do the travels and we'll do, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it felt so easy in that moment to say that.

And then things started to shift. And I was like, Oh no, like we have to adapt. Like it's on us to adapt. It's not on this person to adapt to our lifestyle. We have to find a way to like invite this little human. Into our lives, but also in a way that, you know, complements his needs, right? That's, you know, I don't want to say that you can't do things.

You can do whatever. You want to do whatever feels good to you. And I think for every parent, every mother, that's different, right? So, I don't know, I just think it's very important to like prioritize, I'm going off on a tangent, but like prioritize your rest. Prioritize that like little cocoon of family time, especially in the beginning, right?

And know that it is going to change again. And you'll get to go out for dinners again, and you'll get to go to concerts or go on dates, and it might be a long time before that happens, right? So, being okay, I think for me, the, one of the hardest things, and I really had to surrender to this, was lowering my expectations of everything, right?

To just really not have expectations, and that gave me a lot of peace. I

VL: think that's very great advice because I know for myself, prioritizing for sure and lowering the expectations together because the capacity even, like lower the expectations of the capacity that you're going to have of your energy within a day of what you can do, what you can get done.

I had a birth experience that I didn't want and I didn't even realize how that healing process alone slowed me right down. And you know what? It's interesting because I know someone who is due in the next Three to four weeks and she is working and working out and doing all these things. And I'm like, Hey, listen, like, if you need help, you just let me know, like, you just let people know that you need help with X, Y, Z at work, which is like, no, I feel great.

I'm like, okay. Cause when I was like, when I was at your time, like I was not feeling great in my pregnancy and I had to ask people to help me with certain things. Like I couldn't pick things up. My back hurt. I could barely sit. I could barely sit for a while, stand for a while. So. Really looking back on it.

I feel that that was such a lesson for me in slowing down Because I needed to do that as soon as I met that baby and now that he's old enough to be crawling and Pulling himself up on things and getting into everything now. I'm like starting to speed up a bit physically And yet the capacity is still not at its best What I was doing before.

LT: Yeah. Yeah. And the priorities, right? Like, What's the priority? Is the priority getting dinner on the table or is the priority getting three loads of laundry done? One load of laundry done. The freaking piles of laundry. Oh, yeah. What's the priority here? Is the priority going to be you know going to the concert or is it the priority going to be The bedtime routine is seamless.

The baby is sleeping. You are sleeping as a mother because hello, I didn't get sleep for a very long time. And it's still, my aura ring is like, you okay boo? But yeah, and, and one of the things you, the, one of the words you keep repeating is that adapt, adapting and it really is an adaptation. And even though the transformation is very profound and it does feel like.

It's an instant change. It is a constant change. It is a constant adaptation. And something I really love about you and the work that you do and the gifts that you give the world is this, it's this beauty in rituals. And these routines for motherhood or these routines for, for anyone really, but because we're focusing on, on motherhood, could you share with us, what are some of those small but impactful rituals that new mothers can incorporate into their day to day life or even just your own experience.

Right. And we can kind of pull from, pull the things that we love from what you're sharing.

Yeah. It's a, you know, I would say that that almost goes back to what we were talking about in terms of like grieving the old parts of your life. Because the rituals I had baked in to, to that life are like so profoundly different than the ones that I'm working with now.

And I would say that was actually another thing that I struggled with was I felt like I needed to hold on to some, some part of that and it just wasn't possible. So it was really you know, I am at heart. I, I love to be in control and I love, have the sense of perfectionism that, you know, releasing that was very hard for me to do, but I realized that the rituals are not necessarily those things.

The rituals can be the smallest things. They can be putting jams on your baby at night. How do you make that a ritual? They can be. The food that you're making for them. It can be the songs that you sing to them. It can, you can make a ritual out of anything. And one of the things that I heard, you know, early on, but I wish that I had heard it sooner, was the spirituality of motherhood is in the mothering.

It's not in all the elements. It's easy to get caught up in what everybody's version of motherhood looks like, right? And especially with access to what we see online, it's like, Oh, this is what motherhood should be. This is what all the rituals should be. You know, I should be able to make really nutritious, 12 hour long, crockpot meals, and you know, there's some days where, sorry, that's not happening.

And anyways, so for me, the rituals became the things that I was doing with our family. and with myself, right? And, you know, I had to let go a little bit of the rituals for myself, but there were things that I held on to, like for me, having a shower is, is important. So that is my ritual. Now my showers might have gone from like five minutes down to one minute, but having the time just to like, refresh and feel Just like a reset in my body, right?

Like that was really important to me and I prioritized that and I made sure that I talked to my partner, my husband about prioritizing that as well. And anybody who was like coming over to help, right? It's like, I need one minute, I need two minutes, but I need this, like this is for me, right? I used to do meditations in the morning and that.

Went away for a long time and now it's starting to come back. I'm allowed to like, I'm not allowed I'm able to carve out little pockets of time. My toddler says I'm allowed. Yeah. Well, now he can do it with me Right, which is fun. It's like Breath work is a big one, right? Like breath work is an easy one because it's tangible for you It really helps you out helps the nervous system and like when they're having meltdowns, you know, it helps them, too There's there was a stage, a long stage where he was like, no, I don't, I'm freaking out and I don't want to breathe like, and you can't breathe either.

Like don't take deep breaths. Right. But now he's into it, which is like, so fun to see. And I used to do, I used to like have little prayers or conversations with myself at nighttime, just in my head. But recently I've been doing it out loud with him. And so like, he's really cute. Now he's like, I'm going to pray.

Or I'm going to like say a little thing that I'm thankful for and he'll like quietly say his little thing that he liked and then, you know, I'll talk about the things in the day that I'm grateful for. And so being able to adapt those rituals in a way that like, it's accessible for both of us is like kind of nice, right?

VL: I love that. And again, it's the adaptation. It's the constant change. It's the evolution of that because in those first couple months, even I was meditating every day. I don't remember the last time I meditated probably at the two month mark. One of the things I do is I take a picture of Grayson every month with a little, you know, the circle, the 10 months that gets progressively harder to do because he wants to eat it.

He, yeah, he doesn't want to hold it or like, he doesn't want it beside him. He wants to throw it or he wants to jump off the couch. And I'm like, just sit still for one second. I just need this memory. But that is the memory. It's like hilarious. And like the pictures that I choose to kind of, Not display, but like the picture that I, I send to the family chat is like the funny, goofy ones where he's looking over the edge because it shows his personality and it shows how much he's changed.

He was like a little blob, little newt at the beginning. But, and then, yeah. And now he's his own little person with the personality and he, there's things he likes and things he doesn't like. And he's starting to communicate more by pointing and saying like that. Yeah. Oh, there. We want to go. We need to go this way.

And it's so cool to, to witness this and to be part of this and, and it helps me too. Because again, going back to like the slowing down, how am I, and also the mirroring, oh, my goodness. We're doing right. Yeah. You're like. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Like he picks up my phone sometimes if I just like leave it around and he knows it's my phone He's not like what's this?

He's like, yeah, you give he's reaching to me and i'm like, oh, yeah, that's interesting But yeah, it's pretty I think it's so important to hear this because I, there was a big part of me in the beginning being like, I don't do my whole shower routine, like don't ask. There was one time I had to jump out of the shower so fast that I only had shaved one leg and the other leg was not shaved and I'm like, Oh, I don't shave like today out of, and then I did yesterday.

No, no, no. No, if you took a picture, you'd be like, these are two different legs. But that was just what is shaving. You're like, what? I have a razor somewhere. That's not childproof. Yeah, so that was fun and kind of still happening right now. But there's still an opportunity in the shower to have a moment and maybe that's the breath or the couple breaths.

And then maybe, and then again, don't do it where, you know, your kid can't see you. They need to incorporate

LT: them.

VL: Yes. They need those tools too.

LT: Yes, they do. And when you, when you're doing it, it compounds, right? It's like what we're talking about. Like Riv didn't want to do breathing. Right. And he was like, No, but now he can be convinced sometimes to do it, right?

If he's really upset, he's not going to want to do it, which is fine. Like that's You got to be there to hold that I, you know, I will say this holding a space for a little human being is like profoundly one of the most difficult and most educational lessons and that I think I've ever had. It's like, I have a capacity to hold space for an adult.

But they're, but children are operating from like a different space entirely and to hold space for them. It's really different. Like you got to meet them where they're at. Right? So if you helped, if you help incorporate these tools in your life, and again, it doesn't have to be, you don't need to do like the 20 minute yoga routine.

You don't need to do, you know, I used to like to do tea ceremonies and That looks different now. Like, we'll talk in the morning. He'll drink tea, right? Not black teas, but like herbal teas. We'll talk in the morning. I'll be like, what ones do you want to have today? And that'll be like our teas for the day.

And that's our tea ritual for me now. Like it's way different, but it's like a way to incorporate him and he loves it. So, you know, and get playful with it. Like that's the If you can find, because I find like in, in parenting, there's like so many moments where you just feel like you're like shit with a truck.

So the more that you can get playful with your rituals and your, your moments that you're carving out. I think it's fun, right? And it makes it fun for them

VL: too. Yeah, absolutely. I think that is great advice as well because, Yeah. They're they're kids. That's I feel like my kids here to teach me to play more.

Oh, yeah. Get on their level. One of the things they wanted to say, so I'm really into human design and as you know astrology So I've been like, you know studying quote unquote Grayson's Human design profile body graph and his birth chart and one of the things I'm also learning more about is how I can be a better parent To him based off of my own Human design and astrology.

And so one of the things that's going to be one of my challenges is that in human design I have something called a 5 1 profile and the 5 1 is known as the challenge solver Like I am all about solving problems. I'm that annoying person. Yeah, I'm here to fix it Okay, and I have the unique solution that you're like, whoa I didn't even think of that.

I'm like, don't worry. I got you. Anyway, so Grayson has something called a six, two profile, which if you know about human design, the six number actually is a three until their Saturn return or approximately 30 30th birthday. So there's lots of overlaps between astrology and human design. So the three is the experimenter.

And one of the things that I need to step back from is. I need to make sure that Grayson learns the answer through his own experimenting versus me saying, Oh, I'll give you the answer. And you know, that might be like, well, obviously that's what you're supposed to do as a kid. That's really hard for me because I know the solution and not just like, you know, small things for kids, but like, I know this, I know the answer to the lesson, even if I had never done that, I've experienced it before.

He needs to experience that. The other thing that he has is that two line, which means he needs room. Away, he needs to be out in the world, but he also needs his own time. And so to your point of the breathing, the tea, what, how, how can now, how can I now, when I'm watching my kid support him in those, Oh, those are those moments of his quiet time.

So. One of the things is my, my partner, my husband, he likes to like, cause he doesn't see Grayson as much as I do. So when he comes home, he'll like pick Grayson up and want to play with him and like, kind of interrupt his free play time. And part of me is like, obviously like you don't see him all day, but another part of me is like, no, no, no.

Leave him because we he doesn't know this, but we brought outside all day with people all day. Now he's playing independently and he needs that. But again, I don't want to be like, no, this is my control, which I want to talk about now, actually, because you mentioned control. I, you and I are similar, and I feel like a lot of moms, many moms will struggle with the desire to control all the aspects whether that's the solution, knowing the solution, whether that's the aesthetic or the, the The perception of what we're supposed to be or isn't whatever, you know, whatever, whatever we're navigating, how have you personally navigated releasing the control and the perfectionism and the feelings that come along with that?

Or what advice would you offer to other mothers, myself, who are feeling that that way?

LT: Yeah, that's a slow burn still. You know, I, I would say that the older And the longer that we're doing this, the easier it becomes, in some ways, to like, release that control and let go a little bit. But in the early, in the early months in the first year even, like, that was, I had, you know what, and I'll say this too, I wonder how much of it is,

Is like what our expectations kind of like in a North American society are versus like what instinctually we're feeling, right? So I think as long as you are following your child's lead, I think that that is fine because they are all so different. And I mean, you'll see that as you're talking about in the playground settings, right?

Like for the longest time, Riv was, you know, sticking closer to me. Not, you know, exploring too much, like far away. And there are other kids who are like gone in a shot, like they're out on the playground, like running around. And then all of a sudden that switched. Right. And then he was the one that was like taken off over the hills and like going and just having the patience with yourself and with kind of the process of that.

And I think, too, like, every time you go through a situation of, like, where you feel like you like to, not, not that you like to be in control, but, like, where it feels comfortable, right? Well, motherhood is, like, really so many moments of discomfort. And so, you know, I think that without pushing yourself too much, I think it's good to push yourself a little bit, right?

But, like, without pushing yourself too much, what are the, like, what are the bite sized pieces of release that you can do that help you transition or move through that a little bit more usefully, right? Like, is it that Grayson's hanging out with your parents for 30 minutes and you're like not giving instructions, right?

Like that's, Yeah. I'm still not there. Or checklists. Right? Yeah. Exactly. So, you know, and then maybe it's an hour, maybe it's whatever. So again, like finding those little manageable pieces that make the release easier. And then also like getting into your body, understanding how that feels like, where are you tensing when you have those moments of like, I need to be in control here

VL: and

LT: my whole body.

Like right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, eh. And reflecting on why, like, why do you feel like you need to be in control in that moment? Is,

VL: is

LT: it important? And I'm not saying that, you know, I think that anything that we think is important to us is, right? But we're, you know, you were talking about earlier priorities, right?

So what are the priorities? And looking at those moments of control is like, is this, yes, it's important to me, but is, In the grand scheme of it, in the macro, is it important, right? Can I, can I look at it from a different perspective and like, allow myself to relax into that moment a little bit, but just find a little bit more ease.

And again, like I, when I'm feeling that I hold my breath and I did that like before having a kid and work, like I notice when I'm holding my breath, like that's a moment I need to like, check in with myself and I'm like, do I need to. Release a little bit here. And how can I help myself do that? How can I shift the energy, right?

VL: Definitely. And it's not easy, but even just saying that, like, I'm taking a breath and I need to let go. And there were, there are times when I'll walk in on like my mom who was watching Grayson for me. And I'm like, what is happening right now? Is that organic? What, like, where did this come from? Like. Do we understand that there's like a plug, there's an outlet that's exposed , like the things that are like not even, oh yeah.

It's just like all of a sudden you're just like pulling, and I will out loud say, okay Valerie, that's okay. We need to breathe. We need to take a step back. That's not important right now. It's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. One thing at a time, right? It's really let's reign it in, first of all, and yeah, let's look at the big picture a little bit because it can be challenging when your nervous system is.

So I don't even know what the word is just

LT: you're vigilant right you're vigilant and you're hyper aware and if you can. I think one of the biggest lessons that we can encounter in that is, and I think that's also normal I think it's part of our physiology to be very aware of everything in the environment, right, especially like how it aligns to.

Our, our like vision of like what this person needs in their life, a little person, right? But when you are hypervigilant for extended periods of time, you are going to burn out. So how, so finding, finding the tools to help yourself not reach that capacity, right? Because you can, it's okay to be in control, right?

That's, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I think that finding the release. And then also understanding like where you can relax into it a little bit.

VL: Yeah. And, and understanding that there are things we can control that we can't control and there are ways that we can be proactive and prepare for unexpected changes or events and things like

LT: that.

VL: Right. Like the diaper bag that I packed. Before becoming a mom is not the diaper bag that I have now, 10 months. Right. Yeah. Right. It's different. I have different tools in my tool kit. I have different toys in the diaper bag. Yeah. I want to talk a little bit more about these tools that you have created in our at space between you combine intuition, holistic practices, and science love this very Aquarian.

How do these elements help mothers find balance and a deeper sense of self and what are some of those offerings that you, that you give or you've created?

LT: Thank you. I'm working on some more stuff right now. So what I've what I have available is more in a general sense accessible to anybody. Right.

I am actually working on something specifically for mothers that I'm hoping to get out before Christmas. But if through the industry and film. And in mothering, one of the common themes I've seen is like this burnout, right? It's like people are, and I think of course it exists in other areas of life, but people are going and going and going until they can't go anymore.

And then, and then what happens, right? It's like, you want to ask for help, but you don't know how to ask for help. So. You know, I've got a couple of free resources on the website that people can download. I've got a meditation, like a quick start meditation guide. I've got a quick start breathwork guide and like, go ahead, go get them.

They're great. And what's your,

VL: tell us your website. I'll link to everything in the show notes as well.

LT: It's www. therealspacebetween. com.

VL: Awesome.

LT: And on Instagram at therealspacebetween. com so we've got those two free guides. I've also got one right now that's called from chaos to calm, and that one's a little bit more in depth and it's got some practices that you can incorporate and it's got a little, like, questionnaire.

You can kind of see where you're at In the state of chaos that you might be in right now. And so I really am passionate about people finding like peace within their bodies and peace within their experience of life. Right. And how, how can we find a little more ease and feel a little more calm and maybe find a little bit more health as well.

Right. Both mentally, physically, spiritually. I think that there's just so many shifts. That happened for me in the past three years that I've always been a spiritual person. I've always been interested in, in health and wellness, but like, what are the tangible things that like really anybody can use and what are the quick things that you can access that are going to like really make an impactful transformation in your life?

So I'm working on some more things. Again, I was, I was mentioning for mothers, hoping to get that out before Christmas time, and then for burnout specifically as well. And that's for like, that can be for anybody. That's for creatives, for parents. You know, if you come up against it, how to recover from it, and then also how to avoid it in the

VL: future.

Hmm. And yeah, I like the, the key points that you mentioned for, you know, the goals and the big picture of it. It's, it becomes more of the balanced. Lifestyle or whatever balance means in that way, but it becomes more of a way of a life versus allowing yourself to just get trapped in the burnout or trapped in the chaos and the overwhelm.

It's so easy. It is. It's so easy. Especially if you don't have some of those. It's very small, impactful rituals and routines. And like you said, it can be something small. So one of the things I used to do before becoming a mom, but also now still is when I stir my coffee in the morning or tea or tea, I set the intention for the day.

Does the intention always come out the same? No. Have I adjusted what that intention is to be a little more realistic? Yes. Yes. Play is a huge part of the intention for the day. Can I find play in today? Right. I, perfection is never an intention. But I love that. Patience is for sure. That's a big one. And also just like once you let go of that capacity of, of needing to, to reach a capacity, once you let go of needing to, to feel the control and the perfectionism and you really just get to know your little.

baby, and you just see the world through their eyes. When you said that, I already forget the exact quote, but how that made me feel was like full body goosebumps about the spirituality is in the mothering. So you said, and if you're just allowing that to be, it's so beautiful. And

LT: profound.

VL: Yeah. And you're just, You see the world in a completely new way, and it's almost like when you get to see the world through someone who's never seen the world before, you, you rediscover the beauty.

Oh, yeah. Of the simple things in life. Yeah. And just like the awe, like the awe, like Grayson loves the Roomba vacuum that we have. Right. He went from being terrified of it to being curious about it, to getting closer and closer to touching it. And now he's like picking it up like he's like a Godzilla, you know?

Like, I, I got you. I've conquered you. Okay, well, no, no, put that down. We need that.

LT: It's true though. It's magic. It's magic to see life through their eyes, right? Because you, it's so easy to forget, like, how, you know, Life is a gift, and it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day that we like forget how magical it is.

Like, and the smallest things. Riv and I were out for a walk yesterday, and he was like, there was one bush left that was flowering. And he walked up and looked at it and he smelled it and he was like, no, we were talking about how it smelled and he's so funny right now. It's like, he'll ask you what you think.

And then he'll tell you what he thinks. Right. And he wants to like, kind of see if they match and how they're different. But it's so funny. It's like, you know, it smells like kind of sweet to me. Like, how does it smell to you flowers? And I'm like, yeah, that makes sense.

VL: That's so cool. I love that.

LT: But it's like, they're so cool for them.

Sorry.

VL: No, that's okay. I was going to say like, I can't wait to get to that point. And then also I'm like, yes, I can wait, but also it's just like, Ooh, I get to meet my little guy in a different way. Like when he starts to actual talk, actually talk and not just point and be like, make noises. But yeah, and the other thing I wanted to say too, like just going off of what all the things we've talked about today basically is the freedom that comes with letting go of all of the things we've said, the control, the perfectionism, et cetera.

And also I was telling my friend who, who is not a mom and doesn't plan on being a mom. I was just telling her that I actually get so much more done. Now, like now that I've let go, the more I let go, the more productive I am without the to do list. Like I have a to, I have an ongoing to do list always because you know, business owner, podcast host, mom, house manager, hello things do get done.

They just don't get done in a timely fashion. Always. However, the more I let go of like, this is the day that it needs to be done or like today is the day that I'm going to do this whole list. It's incredible what you're capable of with this short amount of time that you have or the lesser amount of time.

And I used to be like my friend who, like I said, doesn't, isn't a mom, but, and I used to feel just like her. She's like, Oh, I have so much to do. I feel so overwhelmed. And I'm like, girl, just do nothing today. Like just play. I don't have the, I don't get to choose that. I have to play. And at times you're like, Oh my God, I don't want to play right now.

Like all these things to get done. But as soon as you play. Just I don't know what happens. It's like this weird shift in time. It's like this time space reality changes and all of a sudden the capacity grows. So I think there's a lot to be said about letting go because you're making room for

LT: Exactly.

You're making room. You're making room for the magic. I love that.

VL: You're making space. Oh my God. Hello. We're making space.

LT: It's in the space between Val. Come on. I get it now. The space between those moments. It just keeps coming up.

VL: All right. Okay. We know your website and your Instagram. I'm going to link it in the show notes and for anyone who's listening, they can also find that online at ValerieLivingLife.

com forward slash Lauren. Before we let you go, which I really don't want to, but before we do, we have a rapid fire round. We have three questions. Are you ready? Okay.

LT: I'm nervous.

VL: Question number one. Okay. Great. Oh my God. We're going into it. You don't get, you don't get to breathe. Right. Take a breath.

Question number one is what does empowerment mean to you?

LT: Oh, man. Empowerment to me is like any way that you can help yourself have a confidence. And that is, I don't think that you can really get that externally. You got to really like dive in what, what feeds you. So what are the, what are those things for you?

That's empowerment. It's like, how, how can I move into the day feeling like my whole, like I'm showing up for my whole self.

VL: Love that question too. What is the best piece of advice you have for new moms? Take a breath and

LT: like, honestly, release, release the expectation of yourself of what this should look like, because it's uniquely yours and uniquely your babies and whatever your situation is.

Right.

VL: Last question. What is one way you are taking care of yourself this week?

LT: One way I'm taking care of myself this week I just took out my kettlebells from the closet, which they've been in for the past two years. So maybe a little bit of that this week.

VL: Love that,

LT: I'm gonna hold you

VL: accountable for

LT: that one.

Yes, and then this, this is like, this is so much fun. I don't get to do things like this, so this for me. I also really love to make home cooked meals for the family. So I've been trying to like, do more of that. Making sure for Riv and I that we have like, a nice home cooked meal and that there's a meal for my husband when he gets home too.

Because he works shift work, so he's not eating dinner with us.

VL: Mm hmm. Ugh. Oh, so magical. Thank you for this very real. Conversation. And I hope that whoever is, if anyone's listening, that it's not a mom yet, but they're becoming a mom. Don't be afraid.

LT: Yeah.

VL: We don't say these things. We're just trying to be real.

We're not trying to freak you out. It's a big deal. It's a

LT: big deal. It's the most, it's the biggest deal and it's profound. Right. It's like nobody every way in every way. Nobody can prepare you for it. And I think the conversations are really important to, you know, we talked about not having expectations, but to like build some sort of idea of what it looks like.

That's not what we see on TV and in the movies. And I think even, I think the village is really important and wisdom from our elders, but also, you know, sometimes the elders forget what it's like to be in it. In it. Yeah. Yeah. For the first

VL: time. Yeah,

LT: exactly. So it's good to have community of moms who are like still fresh into it that you can lean on and talk to and access

VL: for sure.

Love this. Thank you so much. Thank

LT: you. So much fun.

VL: Yeah. And I just wanted you to know that you are an incredible mother and I look up to you and I aspire to, you know, I aspire to have the relationship with my son that you do with yours. I think it's very special. And I'm so grateful that you are part of my community and that I've been able to lean on you through my own journey.

So thank you so much for that.

LT: I love seeing you be a mom. That's really, it's really special. And I admire you as well. I don't want to like, copy everything you said, but this year, I think you're amazing. And I'm so grateful that we have each other.

VL: Thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!