E104: Finding Balance and Feeling Good in Your Body
E104: Finding Balance and Feeling Good in Your Body with Samantha Kellgreen
Today I have a very special guest, Samantha Kellgreen. Samantha is a health, and mindset coach and helps women have an easier relationship with their bodies. She doesn't have a formula plan with her clients because that's not what they need. She goes deep and gets into the root cause of what's making it hard feeling aging in our bodies, every damn day...
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
[00:47] VL: Samantha, welcome to the women's empowerment podcast. I'm so excited to have you here and to meet you today was thanks so much for having me I know I've been looking forward to this.
Samantha and I just met today because you may reach out to me as a listener of the show, which is very exciting I always like meeting the, the listeners of the podcast, and after getting to know her a little bit through her website and through her blog posts, I was really excited to to meet you. So again, thank you so much for being on the show. You have a pretty interesting story and a pretty interesting background so I was wondering if you could share just a little bit about how long we you came on to this journey of helping the women feel more comfortable with their bodies and feel amazing in their bodies.
SK: Yeah, so, you know, I started really more as a personal trainer and actually ended up being a running coach. I got very into endurance running really after college, I didn't run much before college, got into endurance running and started personal training I loved working with and I always pretty much worked with women. I loved working with them on, you know their health and fitness routines. However, I felt like it got way more into this is how I want you know women coming up to me this is how I want to look like literally given me a picture saying, I want to look like this. And I was like, This isn't right. Like this should not be your goal right it's so much bigger so I got my health coaching certification because it's like it's really more than just fitness, right. I feel like it's this bigger picture of who we are, how we want to live, um, but I experienced and I see how easy it is to fall into that trap of more is better. I mean with my running, running taught me a lot. I loved my, my running routine, sending up for races, but it got to the point where I was trying to hit a certain number of miles each week, and like that became the priority, not like do I feel amazing on this run it was, I have to get in this run, or I'm gonna feel guilty.
And it slowly happens until you realize, Oh, I feel extremely guilty if I if I miss a run, or like running is who I am, I am the fit personal trainer, this is part of my identity. And then end it's really hard to get out of when, when health and fitness is a, you know, generally, a healthy thing. It's hard to see that fine line of when it goes a little too far being too obsessive right being too Oh, I'm going to go to this cookout but I'm gonna bring my own food, stuff like that. I have to be healthy, all the time it's part of who I am. Um, it is kind of perfectionism.
And it really came to a head when we tried to get pregnant. And I realized I was I went off to Portland was I was missing my period. And it was because of, I was at an energy deficit, it's called hypothalamic amenorrhea, and from the endurance running and not eating enough to support that it takes a lot of calories to maintain, you know, just like the, you know, 30 miles a week, when I'm not training for anything. And I was too far under that I was not prioritizing rest and sleep, it was, I've got to get up and get this run in. So, too bad I can just push through it. I think that is very prevalent, especially for men right push through, you can do car Superwoman all of that and really wasn't focused on how my body really felt it was more on paper, what can I check off. So I had to really re evaluate things. And in doing that, that's when I brought in more of the mindset was like okay my mindset is in the wrong place I can be, you know, quote unquote healthy on paper, but is it healthy mindset do I wake up with feeling positive, or feeling like I've got to check all these things off. And so that was a really big disconnect that I kind of had to had to reconcile.
[5:00] VL: Wow, what a huge awakening, what a huge realization to come to because I can relate I'm, I'm in the fitness industry in the health and wellness industry and I think people do really find that there's this image of you that you need to uphold and I know for myself like I was working on every day and I kept telling people like I'm not doing it for the satisfaction of doing your for the type bomb or whatever, you know you're going to the gym for to look like a certain thing. I knew that I was going because it helped me prepare for my day, it was part of my, my morning routine, it was part of my, my mindset and my emotional well being and I kind of joked and I said you know like the gym was my therapy, because that's what it felt like.
And when we went into lockdown this year, I stopped going to the gym every day it was closed. And I made excuses for not working out at home and why I didn't want to train in the garage or at the park or in the house and I lost that part of my routine, and I started to feel different in my body and I would catch myself thinking that I had to look a certain way or fit to a certain size, and I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa
Well, this is not why I train this is not why I lift weights, this is not why I moved my body and I kind of had to catch myself in that that mindset trap and recognize you know that it's more than the physical activity it's more than the looking, a certain way it's how you're feeling, not based on what someone else does, but on the box that you create for yourself, not other people's boxes that were supposed to check off so very, very much relate to what you just said. It's a huge, it's a huge, kind of, it's a huge thing to admit, I think to ourselves a lot of people aren't really willing to admit that.
So let's talk a little bit more about that shift for you and maybe how we can create the shift in our own minds to how do we move them. Okay, I want to train, but I don't want to feel guilty for wanting to look a certain way, how do we get out of this kind of mindset.
[7:08] SK: Right. And I agree I think I've talked about this with a number of other women before that there's, you know there's diet culture which I definitely do not agree with that idea of, you know, thin is always better losing weight is up you know gaining weight is bad, you should always be striving to lose weight diet foods all of this.
But then there's anti diet culture, which can make you feel guilty for having a physical goal. And I think that there's this big in between that we can live in and it's, you know, it's called balance which is like, oh haha. Good luck finding balance. But I think it's when you're setting the either setting physical goals, or just looking at what you want your workout routine to be like, and thinking for one setting benchmarks of what is, what are my bigger values, right, is like my body, my looks, my biggest value. No, that's not my biggest value but how can I still have that part of my life, and looking at when I set these goals, making sure you don't override those values
Okay, my, my family, my friends, you know, spending time with them is my biggest value. So, if I am routinely turning down, invites, and stuff like that, in favor of getting to the gym, and I don't mean just once or twice once or twice is fine, I mean every single time that you're placing the gym or sticking to a certain way of eating over friends and family. That's when there's a disconnect so that's that red flag, and that it's not every single time you know it's okay to turn down a happy hour, nothing. COVID is weird. It's okay to turn down that invite in favor of a boot camp class that you really love, but when you feel like I'd really love to go see my friends but oh my i will feel so guilty if I miss this class that that is the red flag. You know what I mean. So it's really finger on how can I, how can I make sure that I feel, placing how you feel, over, checking it off, if that makes sense. So, how can I kind of make these parameters of I'd like to do yoga this mini tends to be, I'd like to run this many times a week, but if these bigger values take precedence.
If it's a conflicting thing. What am I going to choose every time. It can't be the running every single time. It's got to be a given take and paying attention to if it's guilt and control driving it. Or, I love this class and I really want to take it and I feel amazing because of it. So it's real I mean that you can't, it's hard to put them on paper but you can't deny that. Is it coming from a controlling guilty vibe. It's just a vibe, or is it coming from a, I love this this lights me up five. And that's like hard to define, but I think you know what when you feel it.
[9:57] VL: Absolutely. So, we talk a lot about our core values on the show, and what that means to us and how to honor those values and that's by getting clear about what they are. And then, you know, making the choices based on those values so like you said if you're putting friends and family first, then you're not going to, kind of, I guess, step over those relationships or put those relationships to the side, because of what you think you should be doing or how you think you should be looking so again like that's that can be really tough for us to to transition to, and I know for myself like when I miss a workout, I sometimes kind of beat myself up over it, and I feel bad because now I feel bad about not going to my workout I feel bad because my body didn't get the movement that it needs and I'm just like, achy and grumpy and all of these things.
So how do we stop believing, negative thoughts about our body, how do we get over that piece?
SK: Oh god, it's so hard right, for one, I think the biggest misconception is that we are going to reach this like euphoric epiphany of I will never have a negative thought about my body and that's where I need to be, I will never think anything bad. I will love everything about my body 100% of the time and that is pretty much impossible, so accepting that that isn't possible makes it a much easier, because then you don't beat yourself up for thinking, oh I don't love how I look in the shirt, you can have that thought. I feel like saying it out loud. Because it feels so silly to be like, oh my arms look fat, when you say that out loud and hear how ridiculous that sounds if that is your biggest concern.
It really does help. There are much bigger things going on in the world right. It was the one friend I was talking to and she had kind of the same background I had had to put on a couple pounds to get a healthy menstrual cycle back. And she was like, I'm going to meet up with my friends. I feel like I need to warn them, that she had kind of weighed I was like whoa listen to that language warn them for what they why, you know, this is you, they are happy to see you. You know, look at those the bigger thing do you, and it always helps to look in the reverse of, if my friend is my mom if my daughter would ever send my arms look fat. Would I be like yeah, they kind of do. No, you're not seeing them for their body they're not seeing you for your money when you meet someone, this is always a good example when you, you know, you're out for a walk, strike up a conversation with a woman, when you go back home if you really enjoyed that conversation, are you keeping in mind what size, she is and how she looked in her clothes. No, it's the essence of who she is, of how she spoke to you of how she carried herself regardless of weight or size. Those are the things the impressions that we leave on people. It's reminding yourself that's all in your head, we are our harshest critics. And we are only seeing the physical things reflected back in the mirror we're not getting the full essence of who we are, which is what every single other person in our life gets.
[13:18] VL: Mmm hmm.
Like nodding along like, yes, yes, yes 100%. It's so drone I think when we, when we do meet people, whether they're new people, or friends when we listen to their languaging when we listen to how they're communicating with us or what they're saying about themselves, the things that we're recognizing the things that stand out to us. Those are our mirrors and those are what we see it in ourselves. So, whether they say it, or we see it in them.
It's a mirror for us, and I think it's a really, really important piece of information. I'm a really big observer because for my work and as you probably know this too. When you're training people, you need to be watching every little part of their body. When you say, bend your knees, you need to make sure that the knees are in alignment, you should make sure their hips are in alignment you should make sure their spine is in alignment, not only in this physical way, we need to be observing ourselves and the people around us, but in a bigger way in the way that we carry ourselves and the way that we speak in the way that we think, even when we pay attention to these things, we're gaining this information about us. And like you said, it's, it's not what we think that person weighs, or how we think that person looks is what we carry with us.
It's the personality, it's how we felt around that person. Yeah. And that to me is huge. As a huge reminder. When you said because I think, Oh my gosh, You're right. I want people to leave my classes or to leave a conversation with me and think about how I impacted their life in a positive way, not how I made them feel smaller because you know, we don't look the same or we don't dress the same or whatever it is like why would anyone think that. The other thing I always tell myself is when I catch myself in those negative mindset thoughts like, oh my gosh my pants don't me anymore like I just feel gross or whatever. Again, if your friend said that to you. What would you say back you wouldn't be like yo Yeah, totally. You're right. I would never say that to your friend.
So I like to remind people that you know the most important relationship you have in this world is the one you have with yourself, and you really need to speak, kindly to yourself.
[15:56] SK: Yeah, it was. And, and going back to like you know how do we set these goals and keep fitness you know how health is such a loaded word I feel like it's something healthy, you know, but how do we kind of keep it in perspective and not obsessive and thinking of okay are you trying to fix, featuring a fix. Are you trying to uplift, you know, I feel a connection with honestly with my higher self when I'm running, especially I'm trail running, I love that and it's not about a calorie burn, I do not get the same thing, although they're both cardio, I do not get the same thing in the spin class, so I don't really go to spin class but I prefer running, and yes they're both cardio, you can look at it from that perspective but the feeling I get when I'm doing it is a different purpose for heading out for a run, and a different feeling I get on the run and when I come back, I feel it's not like oh I burned a lot of calories on that run, it's like, oh my i felt like myself and I felt connected and I feel energized and excited for my day. So that's a feeling, to go for not like, what did I burn right i think that there's this. And it's done for us. This calorie map of eat this much burn this much, you know, weigh this much these are calculations but it, it's bullshit. It doesn't work like bodies don't work like that. That feeling of like, Oh, I'm on vacation so calories don't count it's like your body.
That's all in your head. Your body is responding to so much more than just the calories you're putting into it, it's how did they feel the reasons behind choosing a salad, is it I'm going to feel guilty if I don't choose a salad I should, anytime you think I should that's a red flag shooting is a red flag, because this Where is that coming from. Is it because I feel like I should order the salad. That's what I should be doing to be good or oh my god I haven't had a salad I haven't like made myself a big salad in a week. It takes a lot of different ingredients, I haven't had the like wherewithal to do that. That sounds amazing that's when I'm gonna order.
Again, same with like the running, it's the same salad, but the motivations are different. And if you're ordering things we all know that you feel like you quote unquote should, you're going to get what you want later. You're going to search for that because something has not been not been fulfilled, you know, it's really, it's really that feeling of having to to deserve something of I need to be this way so I deserve something else, and it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that, you know, we can have. You and I could eat the same exact thing do the exact same workout and it's gonna affect our bodies in different ways, because we're different people.
[18:37] VL: Absolutely. It's so annoying I get this question all the time. What do you eat, and I'm like, I'm not a nutritionist, I get older, I hope I like food and I eat food all the time and I love like I love food and try new recipes. If one more person asks me what do I, I just I don't understand the question, why does that matter, it's not interesting either not.
It's boring. Like, I have all I've got today is coffee so far, I mean it's still early in the morning but it's an it doesn't matter because what week is going to be different and affecting our body and, like, I really love broccoli, and I really love brussel sprouts, but I also really love chocolate and I love donuts and I love cookies. And I always tell people I hate kale, oh my goodness I despise kale. Kale is supposed to be the decoration and the deli counter is not for eating.
And I tell people I'm like, I don't really eat kale because it doesn't make me feel good, and he loves kale so healthy, like, it doesn't make me feel good so I'm not gonna eat it. Right. It doesn't matter if it's if it's healthy if I don't want if I'm like, oh killer so gross. as I'm eating it I'm just thinking about how disgusting This is and how hard it is to chew and how bloated I feel after I eat it. It's not going to digest well in my body.
SK: No, it's not. It's true. And so I think going back to that idea of like anti diet culture of, it's okay to have the doughnut for breakfast yes it's okay that doesn't mean force yourself to eat a doughnut to prove that you're anti diet culture, like, I don't love sweets in the morning I go for a savory. I am more of like a eggs toast avocado like, that's my jam. I will have a bite of a doughnut. But I would rather have a doughnut for dessert. Like, that's when I'm going to have my sweets because that's when I like them. And it's more of the freedom to choose what you want in the moment.
And I think that we have this fear I just actually did a live in my facebook group about this we have this fear of doing what makes you happy doing what you want to do, whether it's eating food anything that we're going to turn into this lazy person who doesn't have any ambitions or goals or eat anything healthy or move their body in any way. And it's no like that's a total opposite. It just means not forcing yourself to do something just because you think you shouldn't do it, listening, a little more intuitively, because we all have drive I mean, your listeners. We have drive, we're not going to sit and watch Netflix all day. But it's the fear that if we allow ourselves to sit and watch one show after an exhausting day that we're not pushing ourselves hard enough and we're not going to get to where you want to be. And that's just not the case i mean you think about going on vacation. And I think this every single time that after a week vacation, no matter how amazing and fun it was, it's kind of nice to be back in your routine.
Right, it's you kind of missed that routine because we crave for too we like it we just want to be able to break for you and we can and not have those restrictions that honestly we're just placing on ourselves every day.
[21:44] VL: I 100% agree I used to be so against routine and discipline because I thought I was conforming to being boring and like, I'm not even kidding you, I was like, No, I'm the rebel, I identify as a rebel, I'm never gonna routine I live by the seat of my pants like this is just how life is. And then I heard this quote that discipline equals freedom. And I'm not going to go into it. I know it's about.
I'm not gonna go into a team just like three words it's crazy right but like it's so true. And the more I became clear about my routines and my daily habits, the more I stuck to them and built them they started to compound over time, and it didn't matter if I miss a workout it didn't matter if I had one donut or two or three donuts, it didn't matter, because I felt so good in my body from putting in these daily routines also did an episode recently talking about how to increase your vitality. I've been feeling good the last little while.
And I went to see a nutritionist and she said well there's actually a few pretty major parts of your body that aren't really doing so well. However, the reason why you're not like in your bed, crying and pain and all these things is because you have a really high vitality, because you have these healthy habits in place, and even though your body is kind of going towards burnout feeling a little different down. It's not affecting you as it weren't to someone who doesn't have these healthy habits in place. And I thought, Whoa, that was huge for me to, to hear someone else say hey listen, I scan your body and we figured things out. And, you know, you're not like dying or and I'm not okay it was fine. Just intuitively I was like, I really feel good something's wrong. Yeah, something's off and I, and I want to address it before it becomes a little bit more out of control. So that was a really kind of interesting piece to come to but it was all about healthy habits.
So tell us. I don't know if you want to share your healthy habits or just some tips for helping us build daily routines that feel good for us, where can we start.
[23:46] SK: Yeah, so that's the key is that feels good for you. So I'll give the example of meditation. And before you roll your eyes, people listening. Um, I tried meditation two different times and it didn't stick. I mean like for Lent I did it every day for six weeks, and it did not stick.
I wasn't ready for it. Now, I have think I'm on day like 70 or so with insight timer doing it every day, and I look forward to it and I love it. So it's trying different things, I can tell you what I do, I will tell you what I do, but this has been letting it kind of come to me trying out different things and then realizing hey this feels good. I'm going to add this to my routine. So like I've got this morning routine that I never had before, because I was under the impression Hey every morning is different. You know, I've had a different time that I get up, although now I've got a toddler so that's not so much anymore, but you know I can't have a morning routine because every day is different.
INSIGHT TIMER
And that's okay that was okay at the time, my morning routine at the time was at whatever time I get up these kinds of things I do it might be in a different order right now though my morning routine is I get up at a specific time I get up at 515. Um, so I can get about 15 minutes of yoga or some morning movement I'll either do my own or follow a video. I meditate for five to 10 minutes doing, and I've been doing insight timer for a while now it's guided meditation. I got a journal, and it's got some just questions same questions every day, which is really nice because then I look back through my answers are totally different every day. And then I work for about an hour before I get my son up. And before I wasn't doing yoga in the mornings, but I joined this yoga challenge.
And it was every day for 30 days, and I was doing it sporadically throughout like different times throughout the day I was like I really like this I'm going to try to make sure I do it I'm going to do in the morning, and it felt really good to move in the morning, I felt much more. I guess flexible and open. I felt much more relaxed and said I used to get up and go for a run like immediately like within 15 minutes of my alarm going off I was running, which is very stiff and very tight. I noticed how good it felt to do those stretches that was a year ago. And I've been doing it every morning because it feels good, not because someone said, you should move for 15 minutes in the morning and this way.
I let it come to me. So these are things to try but the biggest thing is what makes you feel good you get up and you really look forward to a cup of coffee. Great. Get up and your first thing you do is coffee yeah you're nodding. My thing is coffee too but I get up and I do, you know, a little yoga or meditation and then I get my coffee. And I look forward to it you want that when your alarm goes off, you know, talking about morning routines. When your alarm goes off, you want to at least be somewhat excited about what the next hour or so, holds. And so getting up and thinking, Okay, I got to get through this checklist.
It should be okay I'm going to get up and do these things that I enjoy and try different things. So there's a zillion morning or teams out there, right, the elements that I like are the movement that can be in any way, like I say I do yoga, it can be just stretching it can be. I mean, maybe you do like to get up and go for a quick run if that feels really good and you wake up and you're looking forward to it and do it, some form of movement, some sort of stillness, so it could be laying in savasana, it could be a guided meditation journaling, or writing.
That is really helped me. But this isn't for everyone doing affirmations, I think try those elements and try them for like a week or two, right, because maybe the first days like this feels weird. This isn't me, but by day four you're like, I wouldn't like really looking for it I'm getting something out of this. And sometimes we don't notice until it's gone. I had been doing that routine of the yoga and the meditation. And I went to visit my parents were gone for almost like 10 days, my parents in my in laws.
And towards the end, I was like, I just feel like often blood is like, I have not been doing my routine like my parents would get my son in the morning so asleep and a little bit which was great, but then after over a week of not doing these things I felt out of alignment, it's like, oh, I'm gonna go do like 10 minutes of yoga. I'm gonna go sit for five minutes and meditate and I felt much better. So sometimes you don't notice that you're gone I'm like, oh that was like really working. So knowing that it doesn't have to be a set structure. Some people love structure, some people don't. Some people are going to be feel confined by it, and some people are going to like set foot kind of almost liberated by like these are the steps that I do. But trying these things and different orders, seeing what really sticks seeing what you look forward to asking yourself what you look forward to what do you feel better after you do it, you know, maybe you wake up, you're like I don't really feel like doing yoga. But you notice Hey after I do those 10 minutes. I feel lighter. I feel more calm, more centered, those are the feelings you want to kind of cultivate.
[29:13] VL: Yes, 100%. I like what you said about when you wake up, you want to feel excited for the next hour of your day. And a lot of people don't they had silos. Oh my gosh, like so many people I know they're like oh I had to get up today oh it's Monday. It's Tuesday like. Who wants to feel like that every day. Exactly. And I like when I do stick to my morning routine when I do the things that make me feel good. I have so much more energy to take on the rest of the day so it's huge. It's a huge kind of routine to to get started with in your healthy habit journey, so I i mean i i talk about these topics all the time and I've learned so much, and I love what you have had to share with us today. So where can we find you Where can we follow you and how can we support your business.
SK: Oh yes, awesome. I'm on Instagram it's at simply while coaching. My website is simply while coaching calm and I talk about I mean all the things you talked about today, and I feel like my biggest driver is how can we be less rigid and less doing the things we quote unquote shouldn't do, and doing things that bind us up, bring joy, make us happy and feel good, and how do you and those are different for everyone, but this is what I talk about I also offer a free 30 minute call and mindset shift. So 30 minute coaching call to wherever you're kind of feeling stuck, and maybe you've tried some things and they're just not sticking you can't really figure out okay how do I get into my groove, what is healthy. What does healthy mean for me, I'm happy to jump on a call if you go to my website you can look it there if you go to my Instagram you can look it there too. And happy to happy to help.
INSTAGRAM | @simplywellcoaching
WEBSITE | www.simplywellcoaching.com
[31:08] RAPID FIRE ROUND: Now, are you ready for a rapid fire round?
Question number one: What are you currently reading or what's your favourite book?
SK: Oh, I'm currently reading Gabby Bernstein, the Universe Has Your Back, and loving it. It is so oh it's so inspiring and God I just like, eat up all of her stuff, it's amazing.
Question number two: What do you love most about being a woman?
SK: Oh. What do I love most. I feel like that we are so multifaceted that we are allowed to be confusing. Confused ourselves full of emotions and unpredictable and just powerful amazing answer question number three.
Question number three, What does empowerment mean to you?
SK: Oh. What do I love most. I feel like that we are so multifaceted that we are allowed to be confusing. Confused ourselves full of emotions and unpredictable and just powerful.
Question number four: What are you currently working toward?
SK: Physically trying to get my handstand. Physically trying to get it, get a hold of my handstand it is all over the place I have no control over it, but it's been fun to learn. I'm really in my business. Just working with women that I get on these calls and we liked each other up that we have conversations, just like we had today and getting more of that into my life and into their lives.
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
