E119: Forgiveness Rituals

Taking you through five forgiveness rituals you can start to incorporate into your spiritual, mental and emotional practice today…

Episode Sponsor: Valerie’s Make a Habit Mentorship Program

[1:19] Hi there, welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am so incredibly grateful for you. It’s been an absolute pleasure these last 100 plus episodes to create and teach and build the show, but it’s YOU that makes this all possible. It’s YOU listening, downloading, subscribing, and sharing the show that supports the growth and the mission of this podcast: to empower women and people all over the world to elevate their health, wealth and happiness.

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[2:08] In today’s episode we are going deep under some pretty intense emotional, spiritual, and mental layers: we’re talking all about FORGIVENESS.

The Aquarius in me wants to joke every time I hear the word forgiveness, I think of Anna Ferris in Just Friends when she writes a song about forgiveness and says that “it’s more than saying sorry” It’s a super goofy song she writes, but it’s also very true. Forgiveness is A LOT more than an apology, and today we can unpack it together.

[2:47] Let’s take a moment to tune inward. If it’s possible for you to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, becoming more present in the moment. Place a hand on your belly and a hand on your heart centre. As you breathe here in this space I want you to think about the word forgiveness.

You can imagine that it is spelled out in front of you, or visualize yourself writing it down in your mind. As you breathe into this word, notice how your body feels, what other feelings, thoughts, words, or pictures may come to you.

There are no right or wrong answers to this exercise.

Take a few more breaths, connecting to the word, and the sensations you might be experiencing. If you aren’t noticing anything, this might be an exercise to do for a little longer. You can pause the episode and continue or come back to this mindful space later in your day.

Now right down, or record what you experienced.

Perhaps you thought about someone you need to forgive. Maybe that person is you?

Maybe you envisioned a past experience where you forgave someone, or someone forgave you?

Or maybe you felt pain from a past hurt/situation.

And perhaps it was something completely different.

In his book Spiritually Sassy, Sah D’Simone, says “Forgiveness is something you will be carrying around in your spiritual fanny pack.”

Which means, forgiveness is ongoing, and can be part of our spiritual growth and practice.

[4:33] Before we talk about how we can forgive, I feel it’s important to outline what forgiveness is and is not…

Forgiveness is not effortless.

Forgiveness is often a process. A process that requires uncovering emotions, remembering situations, and deep healing.

Forgiveness is not forgetting our past.

It can be revisiting traumatic or hurtful events before learning to release them.

Forgiveness is not giving permission to ourselves or others to cause pain.

Forgiveness is not saying what happened is “okay” or is “allowed” but rather acknowledging what the specific situation has brought up for us. How can we grow and find peace and healing to move forward in a new and more intelligent way. How can we improve and do better the next time.

Forgiveness is not numbing our feelings.

Sometimes forgiveness is being right in our feelings. Holding ourselves in the overwhelming emotional waters so to speak.

Forgiveness is not avoiding the spiritual and emotional work.

It’s DOING the work. All of it.

Forgiveness is not toxic positivity

It’s not sugar-coating or replacing something with rainbows and butterflies. It’s recognizing that spirituality is more than love and light. It’s also darkness and pain. It’s about feeling, understanding, connecting and also detaching.

As you listened to those points, take note of which ones resonated most with you. What can you relate to? What does forgiveness mean to you?

Throughout this episode I will share different forgiveness rituals. They are all unique and will require different tools, amounts of time, and be helpful for different people and situations. These are meant to be suggestions and opportunities for you to try/do something new. As you learn more, notice which ones you are drawn to.

[7:04] ONE: FORGIVENESS MEDITATION

Come to a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes and visualize yourself seated on a soft cushion, in a light and bright room. Take several deep breaths, feeling a sense of calm, quiet, and stillness within you.

Now imagine the person you want to forgive, this could be yourself. Visualize that person entering the room and sitting on a separate cushion in front of you.

As they come to a comfortable stillness, acknowledge the pain, emotions, and/or negative feelings and energy you may be experiencing.

Bring these emotions forward with a few deep breaths, imagining them leaving your body into a formation. It could be a shape, colour, energy, any sort of form that is separate from your body. And imagine this form sitting to the right of you, between you and the person you are forgiving. You have separated the emotions from yourself.

Now ask the person in front of you for forgiveness. Ask them to forgive you for holding on to all the pain, anger, hate, and negative emotions that you have spent precious time feeding, harbouring, and nurturing.

When you feel ready, allow the person sitting in front of you to accept your message, and forgive you. You can visualize holding hands, hugging, or just sitting comfortably together in your mind. As your words of forgiveness have been exchanged imagine the form of your emotions and feelings begin to dissolve into the earth being cleaned and recycled as new energy.

Allow yourself to be in meditation for as long as you need. When you are ready, come back to the room you are sitting in, and perhaps journal about how you are feeling now, how the experience went for you, and perhaps what you might change or add next time.

Repeat the meditation as necessary.

Now you might be listening to this and thinking, wait a second, I’m supposed to be forgiving people for hurting me? Not asking them for forgiveness?

But the truth is, and here is where things get complicated, forgiveness is really about ourselves and our own power and energy.

When we hold onto things, grudges, pain, trauma, negative past experiences, they begin to take physical shape in our bodies. They begin to manifest as physical pain and dis-ease in our bodies. We all know that what has happened in the past can not be undone, it is not in our control. However, there are many things in our control! And one of the most important reminders is that we can control our reactions. We can notice and heal our triggers, we can learn to let go and trust and love again.

It goes back to what I mentioned early, that forgiveness is ongoing. It’s part of our spiritual practice to learn about your reactions, and our emotions, and how to support and respond to our feelings, without us being overtaken by them. Which can be very detrimental to our health and lead to poor reactions and decisions.

[11:52] One of the listener questions from Tammy: How do we forgive someone who isn’t sorry?

And after a lot of thought, my response is: we acknowledge that they most likely are in a lot of hurt and pain. They might not be aware of their affect on you/the person they hurt. They might not realize that their pain has been projected. And if they do/did realize, then you KNOW they are in pain and hurting. You know they are struggling. Because deep down in each and every one of us, there is light and love, and compassion. We hurt people when we are feeling hurt.

Again, it’s not giving them permission, however it’s also not letting them take your power.

Speaking of power, let’s talk about four powerful elements: Earth, Fire, Air, and Water!

[13:01] TWO: ELEMENT RITUAL FOR FORGIVENESS

For this ritual we will be using different tools to connect with the four elements that will support our forgiveness ritual. The first element is EARTH, for this you will need epsom or sea salt, about 2 cups. The second element is FIRE, for this you will need a candle. Next is AIR, for this you will need a feather, or a bell. Lastly, is WATER, for this you will need a tub filled with warm water.

This ritual is best done within 2 days of a full moon. Full moons are a wonderful time for releasing old feelings that no longer serve us.

Start by drawing the bath. Notice the water filling the tub. Let this process be slow and silent, not rushing around trying to do other things while this ritual takes place. It starts when you gather your supplies and turn on the tub.

Next, light the candle and place it on one corner of the tub. In the opposite corner place the bell/feather. Once the tub has filled, create a circle of salt inside the basin, sprinkling the salt in the water. When you feel ready, enter the tub.

While you are resting in the tub, slow down your breathing, close your eyes if it serves you. Imagine and feel your breath moving throughout your body and creating space. Imagine it collecting any feelings of staleness, stagation, pain, or hurt, and releasing those feelings through the nostrils. As you soak in the water, visualise the salt and water pulling out any toxic energy from your skin and joints, in the tight spaces the breath doesn’t seem to reach right away.

When you feel ready, cup the water in your hands and begin to pour the water over yourself/ Covering your face, neck, shoulders, head and entire body with water. Imagine this water washing away all your feelings of pain as they surface. Acknowledging them, and then releasing them. Think of the person or people, or situations that have hurt you; the ones you want to forgive. As the memories and feelings come up, acknowledge, release, repeat.

Bring your hands to your heart and say, “I forgive you” forgiving yourself now. Repeat as needed. When you are ready, take a deep breath and submerge into the water, as you come up out of the water feel how the water drips off of you, cleansing your body and imagine the pain and sadness you were holding onto also releasing and letting go into the tub. Completely come out of the tub, wrap yourself and hold yourself in a soft towel. Watch the water wash away in the drain, along with any last bit of your negativity and emotions. Blow out the candle.

Sometimes using tangible materials like water, can be a physical reminder of the “invisible” work that is being done. It’s a tool for us to connect with the element and also the spiritual practice and emotional release. You might need a few more full moon element baths to completely release, however this is a great, and peaceful place to start.

[17:07] Olivia said that when it comes to forgiveness she struggles with “letting go.” Haven’t we all! However when we start to see forgiveness as a release of our pain, and as we start to cleanse this and take back our power, we can recognize that it is not about the other person, and hasn’t really been part of the other person - it has ALWAYS been about ourselves.

It’s about freeing ourselves; truly liberating ourselves from being trapped in those moments of time where we were most hurt and in pain.

When we let go, when we release the hurt, we are making space for our light again, we are making space for our power to shine.

If you listen to the show often you’ll know that I love working with essential oils, and I often bring them into my baths, and rituals. I didn’t include them in the second ritual because I wanted to talk about them in their own practice.

I work with doTERRA essential oils and blends and my personal practice with them has become very intuitive. I am drawn to an oil or an oil blend and then I use it on my body intuitively. After smelling it and placing it in my diffuser or body, I look up the meaning of the oil and I learn that my body just KNEW, it somehow knew exactly what it needed in that moment.

[18:52] THREE: ESSENTIAL OILS FOR FORGIVENESS

First and foremost, the number one essential oil blend I recommend is doTERRA’s Forgive, aka the Renewing Blend. This blend has spruce, bergamot, arborvitae, tyme, citronella, myrrh, juniper berry, and more in it! It’s earthy, yet bright. It’s grounded, yet buoyant. I love using this roller on my sternum for renewing my heart space, or on my feet for deep grounding and peace.

If you don’t have this oil at home, I want you to use whichever oil comes to you; whatever you are called to.

I’m going to use Forgive blend in this ritual, however I want you to use whatever you need right now - and this can change the next time you do this ritual.

First, open the bottle of your oil/blend, and put 1-2 drops on your hands (dilute if necessary). Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths from your palms.

Next, move the palms up the face toward the head, and down the back of the head, neck, around the shoulders, down the chest, belly, around the sides of the hips, low back, and glutes, down and around the legs knees, and all the way down to the toes. Sweeping the entire body with the hands. Make sure to sweep opposite arms as well. Once the whole body has been “swept” place the hands over the heart.

Breathe into the heart space. If you need to apply more oils to your hands, or if you want to diffuse the oils you may do so.

As well if movement feels necessary to you in this moment, move freely, allowing your hands, hips and body to move in dance or a sway; make this as intuitive as possible. Allow yourself to be FREE!

As you breathe, move, smell, and feel, recognize the people you are forgiving, the situations you are remembering, the emotions you are recognizing and releasing.

Allowing yourself to freely move your body, in addition to the emotional support of the essential oils, can help with bringing up the toxic emotions, processing them, and also letting them go.

Buy essential oils at wholesale price here!
5ml = pure blend, great for diffuser
10ml = roller bottle, great for topical use

E118: Emotions & Essential Oils

Freedom in Forgiveness Diffuser Blend
4 drops Grapefruit
3 drops Lavender
3 drops Jasmine
1 drop Sandalwood

[22:00] FOUR: FORGIVENESS LETTER

A forgiveness letter is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: it’s a letter you’re writing, and the recipient is the person you want/need to forgive. I always recommend starting with yourself. However, you can choose to write the letter to whomever you wish.

Start with addressing the letter to the person you want to forgive. Then write and complete the following sentence: Today I forgive [myself] for… In order to move on, I acknowledge that I was wrong in how I [reacted to a situation, held onto unhealthy feelings, kept replaying negative events of the past, said or thought mean things about another person, etc.] I deserve forgiveness because…”

Pause for a second, I almost didn’t include this because I want it to be clear that everyone deserves forgiveness including YOU. Do not skip this step.

FInally, finish the letter with “In the future, if I am faced with a similar situation/decision, I will…” then sign the letter.

Once you have written + signed the letter, tear it up or crumple it up, and then burn or bury the letter. This brings in the earth element for healing, or if you burn the paper it brings in the fire element for transformation. You could also bury the ashes if you wanted, for both transformation and healing power.

[23:50] FIVE: CHORD CUTTING

A few months ago I shared a quote on instagram @vallavignelife. The quote reads: Why would you be sad? You lost someone who didn’t love you. But they lost someone who loved them.”

When I first read it, this quote hit me like a punch to the gut and I felt “cords” of past relationships snap away.⁣

Just like that. Cut. Gone. Buh-bye. Au Revoir. Done.⁣

I’m speaking of “energetic cords” which are attachments formed through relationships and interactions with others.⁣ Positive, and negative relationships.

The deeper the relationship, the more intense/tight/thick the cord; and probably the more complex to sever. ⁣

The cord is not bad, unless the cord is holding negative energy. This could be from someone you are judging, resenting, need to forgive, or let go of completely.⁣

Typically we cut energetic cords of the people who are negative or who are not in our lives any more (i.e. ex’s, former friends, people who burnt bridges, people we are forgiving etc.) ⁣

And sometimes we cut energetic cords of people we want in our lives but need to clear some overwhelming energy and create healthy boundaries with.⁣

Step One: Sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Take several deep and meditative breaths.

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Step Two: Invite Archangel Michael, the protector, a powerful angelic being who carries a huge golden sword. ⁣

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Step Three: Imagine the cords and the people they are connected to. Then ask Archangel Michael to cut the cords for you saying, “I ask you to cut these cords now.”

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Step Four: Notice the lightness you feel; the weightlessness. Feel peace within you and a deep sense of support.

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Practice this mediation daily until you feel free of the negative energetic cords. You may need to repeat in the future too.

So there you have it, five powerful rituals for forgiveness and healing. You can add each of these, or your favourite ones to your “spiritual fanny pack.”

Let’s connect on instagram @vallavignelife

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!