E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali

Sharana is a divorcee by choice and single mother to a strong willed, confident, firecracker who she knows will one day change the world. For Sharana’s entire life, she followed the rules and played society's game to 'success' only to realize at 29 she was miserable. She felt empty and a little bored that 'this was all there was to life'. Having her daughter was the kick in the pants she needed to make huge life changes, and really start to live the life she wanted. Through this process BOSS was created; a collective built around Brunch Opportunities and a Support System. Sharana found quite often, there wasn't a space that she could show up and just be herself without shame or embarrassment - she wanted a fresh start, so she created it.

Through BOSS Sharana encourages folks to turn taboo topics into table talk and show them through her example, what it looks like to redefine happiness, love and success.

It was only through choosing separation, being a single mom and creating a space that felt like home did she realize her potential and power.

Valerie LaVigne: Hey, Sharana, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here today. And I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner, but whatever. The world works in mysterious ways. So, welcome to the podcast. I'd love for you to Yeah, I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're at in your journey currently and how you got here.

[02:12] Sharana Ali: Yeah, it's so interesting and it actually feeds into my journey so accurately and so well, first of all, my name is Shanna. And I'm the owner, founder and face of a company called boss the sixth edition. And boss is an acronym for brunch opportunities in a support system and the entire mandate. What I stand for behind BOSS is bringing taboo topics to the table. And what I mean by that is the things you just unfortunately can't turn to a sibling about or parents about or your close friends. Because the reality is they know the backstory and they come with their own sort of suspicions and intuitions and you kind of just want a fresh pair of eyes for the first 30 years. That's why I created BOSS to have those conversations that may trigger fear or anxiety or worry in other circles. This is the circle before it. Interestingly enough, Valerie you and I met at such a pivotal time in my life. Because I was never like this. I was never the one to pick up on who I was when we first met. That is I remember actually sitting in that room. And we had to introduce ourselves. I don't know if you remember this, but we had to introduce ourselves and I was newly separated at that time like brand spanking new and I remember saying like, “Hi everyone I'm Sharana and recently separated.” And I remember my ear, my eyes peering around the room to see if anybody was judging me. The reality is no one gave a crap at all. They were like, “Okay, hi.” But to me, I was like, holy moly. I'm showing up broken and these people are like, I don't care, right, like you're here. It's so funny.

And now, you know, two or maybe even three years later, I feel like I've come full circle because even in those moments of potential brokenness, and I intentionally use what potential I'm so for now, I feel so all because I was once broken. So that is a little bit of my story. Yes, I'm a divorcee by choice. I'm a single mom and a business owner.

I work in the Ontario government, and literally all that in a bag. I am really kind of seeking global domination within my own way, right. And I think that's also part of the boss world. Like I am really encouraging folks to define what success looks like and feels like for them. It's not always, you know, having a crazy amount of money in this big house and this fancy car it really is, you know, different for every person and I think along the journey of developing who I was and realizing my potential, I also can't just terms with the fact that like me, being successful is having flexibility and being happy and being able to you know, pick up my kid whenever I want to ensure you know, being able to go to university if she wants to without having to worry, it's not necessarily kind of the material.

But it took me time to get there because I was once a dreamer. That's that you know, ik like, yeah, I want to have a car. I want the white picket fence. I want you to know about the golden retriever in the yard but in my experience that unfortunately didn't lead to happiness and led to a lot of emptiness.

And now, I don't really care for the house. I don't care for the car like I do. What I do care for is you know, on weekends, I can take my kid on a picnic. We can, you know, travel if she wants to.

Yeah, but that shift is noticeable.

[05:44 ] VL: Wow, it sounds like you've gone through so many transitions and so many shifts and even since you've met which I think was I think like three years ago now that's crazy.

Even then to see you grow in all these different ways. I mean, you have so much going on, and it's really inspiring to watch all of it. And one of my questions is, what was that pivotal shift for you when it came to you stepping into who you are and your true self and finding that voice and being able to share yourself authentically. Like what was that shift for you to get there?

[06:21] SA: Yeah, there was a lot that came into play. When I would say for me, going through the process of getting a divorce was the thing that really just shot me forward. Like I had no choice but to stand strong in my beliefs and to believe in who I was because prior to that, I can't even say I knew who I was. I didn't really know what I stood for. I kinda was what I call society's success was like, you know, you go to school, you get married, you get the house for you, you have the family and then again, like I was saying we're supposed to guarantee happiness. And because there was a secret sauce to getting divorce and then finding happiness.

I kind of had to forge it on my own. So standing strong in that is what really kind of goes with the entire process, I think, but also realizing that I and I hate to say this because it really is most important to have yourself. I knew though I have the pressure of little eyes watching and I didn't want her to see me living a life that wasn't should I never wanted to be the type of person or the type of mom or you know, answer to any of our friends even to say like, Hey, I want you to go for it. I want you to feel your dreams and I want you to live large.

While I wasn't doing that, right? It really was that hard reality but if I want those around me to walk the walk, or you know to talk to talk, I also need to live and do exactly as I'm preaching. I think for me I really had to break and it was, you know, my divorce, becoming a single mom, navigating the potential of, you know, gossip or you know, people doubting my authenticity. It really was allowing myself to sit in there and self reflect on who I was and what I stood for that kind of put me on that trajectory upwards but once I was like, you know, I heard I've hit ground about buying I'm like, Yes, I'm divorced. Yes from a single mom.

Yes. I have no idea what I'm doing. Now what are you going to say about me because you know what? I'm going to tell you first, like what I perceive as all through my phone before anybody else.

And then once I kind of owned that and realized that, hey, those depths I'm going to cover in my life.

That's where my power stems from. It's those moments where I have no choice but to arrive now. I think that's kind of what lit the fire under me more than anything else. Right? It's realizing that, hey, no one's gonna do this for you. Right? Like, you could have a great support system. You can have a great family, you could have amazing friends. You could have the entire world but ultimately, if you don't do it for yourself, no one's gonna do it. I mean, talk about a harsh reality but it really is. The case. Right? And I think we see it on so many different levels. You know, I'm gonna use a silly example here. If you want to read a book, I mean, sure you can get an audio book and have it read to you but it's so different when you pick up that book and read it right you have this a completely different experience. I think it's the same with light if you want certain things out of life.

Nobody that I know has ever had to do whatever they want on a silver platter, right. They've had the work and will ask the work in progress. It meant so much more to them so much more gratifying.

[10:10] VL: So true. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. And I think to like, especially if anyone's listening to someone who is new to their business or your journey in their life, like the beginning part of it, where it's like, oh, everyone makes it look so easy. It's like oh, no, no. Easy. Yeah. Well, there are times when Yeah, it's rewarding and yeah, it's worth it but oh my goodness gracious. Like the obstacles that we have to go through and climb and overcome. It's pretty. It's pretty incredible. So as you're stepping into this new power as you're finding your voice out, you're realizing like yes, I have a daughter who's looking up to me, but this is also I gotta show her that this is for me so that she has permission and you do this with your branches too as you're like, listen, we're all here together. We all found each other. We're here to cultivate this authenticity in ourselves. That's how it is with all the things you have going on, and yes, you have a lot of support as well, but how is it that you can kind of can you how have you cipher through that outside noise? Like how do you know where your intuition is, what your wants and needs are versus everything else and everyone else going on around you? How do you follow that? inner voice that inner knowing?

SA: It's hard like it is hard. Is it hard. There's no question. There's no golden key or you know, like a golden door that you walk through as they are right. I am healed. This is great. It really is trial and error. But it's trusting who you are through all of the emotions and emotions is trusting that you will be there for yourself when you're at your highest high and your lowest low and it's given to my brunches. One of the things that I often ask folks to consider is how they normalize luxury and how they normalize that and really what that looks like and what it feels like for them and the reason that I do that is because for me ultimately I want people to understand that you know, whatever it is because I whether it be success, whether it be a you know this luxurious life, however it's defined that ultimately comes back to them.

And through that, I think that's exactly exactly what it is. Right? It's it's allowing yourself to feel it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. It's you know, being able to look in the mirror and recognize who that person is. I heard someone say earlier this week actually through their their healing journey that no matter what they were able to look themselves in the mirror every morning and smile and I thought to myself like that's so interesting to me because I remember a time in my life where I would look in the mirror and have no idea who that person was staring back at me like I I just I mean I knew is me, but I I didn't I couldn't even recognize myself. And I think that that is the moment where so many of us need to kind of pull the band aid off and really analyze what is happening around them and what like what's in their world that is making them question who they are what work and it could be ourselves like I often find we're our own worst critic. But it really is it's tapping into yourself and trial and error like it's there's no one stop shop unfortunately, like it really is allowing yourself to make the space allowing yourself to jump and take risks, allowing yourself to know that even if you're not flying up to those risks that you're gonna catch yourself. and it takes a lot of trust and I keep using that word but it really does because at the end of the day as good as it sounds, I truly do believe nobody has your back by yourself. and that's not to say you can't trust people, you can't have good friends. But ultimately at the end of the night, you know, when you're sleeping or when you're in your thoughts. It's you, it's just you, right.

[14:12] VL: Mhmm So, I mean the trial and error is definitely accurate.

You kind of It's like a It's a journey: self discovery. It's not like oh, I decided to meet this person today and I have done but if someone was in the beginning of this and they're thinking okay, like what kind of questions can they ask themselves? What kind of clues can they look for? What sort of feelings do they want to be connected to or maybe like ideas or thoughts that come up with what are we listening to, what are we what are we trying to follow here? Because obviously like trial and error, it's like okay, I did it now what, what's what's like the criteria that we're looking for?

SA: One of the things that really helped me is I would actually mind map and I did this at the very, very beginning when I felt very lost, I would sit with that length and just write down any feeling that came to mind. And there it was a whole bunch of times.

And I feel like the more that I did that the more that I was able to express myself because verbally I could not do it. I did not have that courage or even know how to explain how it was fitting, but just writing it down really, really, really helped me to understand where my mind was.

Like, I think your body physically also sends you signals like if you if something comes your way and you get that tingling in your stomach, but to me that is your intuition saying like, hey, heads, and it could be heads up. This is something great that's about to happen or a heads up like just watch your path this may not be for you. I think it really is listening or tuning in to the signs your body gives you if your head is hurting after like, you know your job one day. If your body is saying,” Hey, listen to me!”. You know if you are exhausted at the end of the week, if you're one of those people that like to live for the weekend, because of your behavior Monday to Friday, that is your body saying like, hey, we made some changes here. Like there's something happening here. I remember even as I was like that, and it happens even to this day.

I've always had stomach issues to be honest with you like it's always been very weird. And I remember there would be days when I was going to like, particularly my divorce from my early days of single motherhood, where I would have absolutely no appetite and I love like I thrive on branching. If I can do anything for the rest of my life, I swear to you I would want to eat around the world and just write about it and share it and like to get people to get an overview like I love food so much. And I would go days without eating.

Just because I was like I'm not hungry, like I don't want to eat I have no appetite. And one day I remember my sugar level ended up dropping a painting. and I was like, this is literally my body was feeding me like shred I get your act together. you need to take care of me so that you can take care of everything.

It really and I mean these beggar view anybody listening to this to not let it get that drastic. But it is those little signs right. It's your eyes like if your eyes are feeling a little bit weary. Your heart is racing over something and your stomach is a little bit queasy if you're feeling little aches and pains, right. Those are physical signals. I mean mentally as well. If you're not sleeping at night, because your mind is racing.

You got to do some thinking there. Right? I mean, also emotionally if you're thinking of something persistent.

And you know you're extremely upset or really sad. That's also emotionally your body triggering you right to say like, Hey, we got we got to work through this together.

I think for me, those were the signs that I look for more than anything else. Right And and I think unfortunately, particularly in the culture that we live in physical symptoms and I hate to admit this but I think it is the reality physical symptoms unfortunately outweighed the emotional and mental symptoms that so many of us are feeling but I think you know yourself for right and even to tap into who that person is and try to remember a time where you were you the happiest or the most free and what I mean by that is like, before you had all these people that showed up, or you were like, I don't know, for instance, I'm just gonna use myself before I was a mom where I was, you know, a wife, or I was, you know, the owner of a business or I worked in the corporate world or, you know, just stripping away all those layers who I wasn't what I felt like before all of those things.

To me, that is your core being and whatever it takes to get back to feeling that way. Because I think as you grow up, and there's responsibilities, I mean, we all can't just be carefree, you know, skipping around.

Really, but whatever it is that gets you back feeling that way. I think the most important thing is having an issue. Few opportunities that allow you even to get tapes of that feeling again.

[19:27] VL: YYeah, I think I like noticing those physical feelings because sometimes they are kind of “the loudest signs from our body.” And that's going to be both for good feelings and for bad feelings.

Yeah, I like to follow the good feelings. And you know, notice and care or attend to those bad feelings. I was gonna say avoid, but I didn't mean avoid the bad feelings, but like avoid doing things that make you feel.

SA: I agree. And it's not. I like the fact that you said like, just sometimes the feelings that you get like it can be a little bit weary really it could be good new bank could be bad theories. But not too long ago, I decided in my mid 30s I would join the dating world again. Do not ask me why, but I did. And I remember talking to my best friend and I was going on a date and I said to her I'm like I am so nervous. Like my stomach is a mess. I have butterflies. Honestly, things that I would assume. Were telling me like, hey, heads up don't.

And she said to me, she's like, this is new to you. That's why your body is reacting. Maybe you haven't been in a situation for so long. It's not you know, these aren't red flags, if anything lean into that these are green flags because you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again, to just I think as you're processing those.

I don't want to call them symptoms but those like emotions, and those effects those physical effects. also analyze if they are trying to tell you something good or trying to tell you something bad and this sounds so wishy washy, but it really is like you said before a journey right?

VL: It's a process, it really is learning about yourself. As you navigate the journey on travel, it's all about personal development and growth.

And sometimes to like when you don't know who you are or who you want to be. It's like okay, well, you're at this beautiful point in your life where you get to create that. You get your side like what do you what do you want to be how do you want to show up?

SA: Yeah.

VL: This has been so great. I feel like it's a really great reminder.

SA: Yes.

VL: There's a little bit of tough love in there. But honestly, I also feel like there's some hope listening to this too, because it's like it's not always going to feel good. It's not always going to be easy, but there are ways that we can connect to the sensations that we're feeling and then go forward with the ones that we want to stick with. So thank you so much for all of that.

Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business?

SA: I live on Instagram. If you ever need anything I am a DM Oh way my handle is @bossthesixthedition. I'm always on Instagram. That's a great find about anything I'm up to wherever I am your snippets of my daughter. I'm very candid and that's exactly where I bring taboo topics to the table.

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

So funny story and this. I'm not intentional about promoting but I am releasing a book in June and I'm going through the final manuscript right now. It is called Handing Hard Stuff Like a BOSS. That is my number one read. I'm also reading the Cat and Nat book called Mom Secrets. It's their second book. I love their first book. So I'm reading those. I just read one at a time.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Whoa, empowerment to me is standing in your truth, whatever that looks like. It's standing in what you believe in. And I'm gonna be careful with this because I also think there are opportunities to grow in your truth. Like I'm not one of those people that like, are advocating for like standing wrong and strong like no be open to growth, but it really is standing strong and your core values in what you define or however you define being a good human being is that empowerment T and really advocating for others to do the exact same for themselves, even if it may not look the same as your definition of being a good human.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Oh, I have a really bad shopping habit. Or so that's a big one. I would call that like a political negative, positive habit that I have is people laugh at me or call me an old lady for this but like I go to bed really early like my 10 I am leaving I'm done like I but I need it. I need to sleep for that. I would say that's one of my positive habits. I'm like an early sleeper. I need my rest. And then like a quote unquote bad habits is like my shopping addiction. I love clothes. I have no shame about it. Like I'm all for reselling my clothes. I think it's all a healthy cycle. But yeah, I'm I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I'll admit it.

4. What are you currently working toward?

There's so much so I think North might be one of my short term goals is honestly to travel the world a little bit. More. It's always been something I've wanted to do. And honestly put off for numerous reasons.

I often considered traveling, especially solo traveling to be extremely selfish and that mindset has completely shifted. I think it is so enlightening when you're able to do that. For yourself. So short time to travel the world. I mean, I think long term, it's to make BOSS my full time job and to really stand in what that serves. It's to be brunching all over the world. It's to be opening chapters globally, it's to be podcasting. Like this, continuing to write, you know, taking stages when the opportunity arises.

Yeah, I mean, I think for myself, even that long term goal, it's not as long like I'm thinking five years five years and I'm about to dance.

VL: I love all these things for you. Oh my goodness.

SA: This was so fun.

VL: And I'm so glad you're I love I love this conversation too. And I know we'll continue chats off air.

But yes, thank you so much for being a part of the show. Thank you so much for being you and your authentic self and giving people permission to do that because that is super empowering. I love watching you. I love seeing you grow and I cannot wait to get my hands on your book and I need a signed copy of this

SA: Done. I love that so much. Thank you so much. You're doing amazing things like I'm in awe of you, but I also am not shocked. You've always kind of always had that presence. Even and I do actually remember that even meeting you. You know so many years ago you've always had that powerful presence so I'm not shocked but I also feel proud of the views just shot.

VL: thank you so much I love it!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!