E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

Join Kaylie and I as she describes the impact and surprises of overcoming fears of discipline to create a daily movement practice while juggling an inconsistent entertainment career and living in a tiny home in the woods!

[01:20] Valerie: Kaylie! Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited that we are talking together today. It is also just really lovely to see your face. How are you?

Kaylie: I'm well. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm doing really well. I'm, I feel like I'm thriving. And yeah, I'm super happy to be invited to share after all these years of following you and following what you're doing. So thanks.

Valerie: I have like tears in my eyes because I remember when we met at Moon course in San Marcos and it was such a unique experience and such a memorable experience and I still look back and I have this book that I share with people, and they still look back and all the things you wrote in the book and I know because you wrote in this orange marker.

So whenever I read it, I always, always, always see what you wrote. And so it's really lovely that we've been able to stay connected for all these years now. It's so amazing. So yeah, welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to creating some of the healthy habits that you're currently committed to.

Kaylie: Yeah, so I am a circus artist entertainer for my job. I'm a freelance artist to all you Yeah, my schedule changes a lot. I'll work for different companies on different contracts ranging from one day to three months long and so yeah, so that's what I do for work. I live in the woods when I'm not performing and I have Yeah, just this lovely, off grid, small, tiny house in the woods that, like nourishes me so much.

And yeah, and I don't know, like, I'm amazed that I was able to create healthy habits to be honest, because for the longest time, like most of my 20s I was this go with the flow, like I'm just gonna do what I feel like doing. I'm gonna sleep in every day that I can and you know, discipline is like an evil word. And I'm just this free spirit, you know, and I know you relate to that and you're just saying similar things.

[03:57] Yeah, so yeah, I guess I don't really know when it happened, actually. I think it was just before (0V!D started I, for so many years. I'm like, I want to, you know, be more physically flexible. Oh, I want to meditate. I want these things but I never wanted to put the time and effort in and then I not sure really what happened maybe I just like matured a bit but all of a sudden it I saw the like freedom in the discipline and the IP like got joy from waking up early and doing these things that were healthy for me. And yeah, and I'm just so grateful that I had that shift in perspective because, yeah, it's helped me.

You know, grow and be more healthy as a person and also grow in my job and just be more well rounded and happy.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that for you. It's so funny that you are saying all these things because when I met you that's literally what we're talking about is like, over free spirits. Oh, we wander the earth and we figure it out as we go.

There's so much beauty in that but there's also a scarcity that can creep up with you and like the uncertainty can be quite jarring as we all have experienced collectively now.

But I giggle when you're like discipline, a bad word. I totally agree. Well, I did. I agree at what point things have changed a little bit since then. But what is really amazing to me is how I've met this person who is this complete, free spirit, you know goes against the structure and the shirts and the to do list and the checklist and all those things. And then you signed up for a workshop that I did about healthy habits and you signed up for the I don't know if she knows what this is about.

You did , you knew exactly what you're signing up for. Yeah. And it was really cool to see if it was the maturity or the change of heart and especially to someone who not only are you someone who originally believed that discipline couldn't give you the freedom that it has allowed you now but also the fact that your schedule is always changing. like there's so many inconsistencies just naturally occurring in your life. I mean, you live in the forest. I know we've talked about this in the winter, you didn't have power, For example, like yeah, what has helped you through those types of inconsistencies? If you have habits, or sorry, I didn't even ask what happened, did you build, and then how did you stay consistent with it?

Kaylie: Yeah, um, so my, the first habits that I built was movement, right? Like as soon as I woke up, I would do movement, and sometimes that would be yoga. Sometimes I would be dancing. Sometimes it would just be like intuitive movement. And then I would usually follow that up with some meditative seated meditation.

And I just started and then didn't stop, you know, I didn't have a goal. I didn't have like, oh, I want to do this for 10 days or 30 days. I just was like, I'm gonna do it today. And then, you know, a year and a half later, I'm still doing it.

And that's Yeah, that's really nice. And wait, you had another question? What was the other question?

Valerie: Yeah. So I know that you started your movement habit, which is incredible because it's so much more effort. I think those physical habits can be so much more effort mentally, physically, emotionally. But how is it that you are able to stay so consistent with that daily movement with things like schedule changes or just you are moving and how you live in the woods and there's things that come up that, you know, they might not come up where I live in a townhouse.

Like how did you deal with all those different changes and inconsistencies?

Kaylie: Yeah, to be honest, it's hard. It is like I really notice how my outer world influences my inner world and vice versa. Like, if I'm not waking up in my own space, how it is harder for me to to find the time or if you know if I was awake way later than I wanted to be because of because I was performing Then in the mornings I'm so much more sluggish and I'm not, you know, super interested in moving.

But I guess I'd really, I'd be like, splurged and bought myself a really nice yoga mat and was like, I'm just gonna carry this everywhere and it doesn't matter if I'm not in my own space because like this yoga mat is my space. You know, as long as they have room to put it down like this is the home that I need for my morning. Practice. Even though it's tricky, and you know, I'm not perfect. I know I don't do it every single morning but I really try to simplify my routine so that it is the most accessible when things around me may not be ideal. I can still access this just simple, just have my yoga mat and prioritize myself.

[09:47] Valerie: That's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like the sacred that's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like this sacred space for you. And it's such a great idea. And you're right. It's so simple. Like I want to do chef's kiss like I'm perfect.

Because you can take that anywhere with you and I think that's something that people forget often is that you have to be in the same space at the same time on the same day. And it has to be the same pencil that I write with or the same soap that I use or whatever it is. And although those types of things can help us automate what we're doing, it can also be really helpful to have a few consistencies when things are inconsistent. So whether you're traveling or working somewhere else, or your schedule changes, absolutely I think anyone can do that.

Kaylie: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I also find that spending money on something is like a huge motivator. so I'm like, okay, if I bought myself a nice yoga mat, like I gotta use it now.

Valerie: Yeah, exactly. And I think knowing that about yourself will help you in the future because it's like, Okay, I'm ready to invest. Financially, which is now I'm also energetically ready to invest or I'm all also energetically ready to exchange things. Yes. For what you want. Yeah. Well, this might have this might be the answer to my next question, but what was something that really surprised you when you started working on your daily movement practice?

Kaylie: Mm hmm. I had, I feel like I had a few surprises. Like, initially, my surprise was how easy it was. You know, it's like I built it up to be this really difficult, impossible thing in my head. And then, when I was doing it, I was like, wow, it's actually so simple and so easy.

ot every day necessarily, but once I got consistent, I was like, wow, it's yeah, it just like it flowed so much easier than I think I expected it to in a way and I've noticed this with other habits that I've adopted since like, when I'm primed and when I've set myself up for success. Success comes easily, you know, it's not it's not this huge struggle that I need to keep fighting for which sometimes it is, but overall, I'd say the habits that I'm most ready for will come super easily. And so that initially was a big surprise for me because yeah, I just had this idea about myself that I couldn't be disciplined but once they kind of, I guess, change that thought about myself, then, you know, my actions changed.

So that was yeah, that was one big surprise.

Another one was, I guess, yes, kind of what I touched on before realizing how my space around me affected my internal space and vice versa. And so I think it made me more aware of what's, you know, what I do let around me, you know, do I go to bed with a big clutter in my room that I'm going to wake up to tomorrow? or do I tidy up right now so that I can wake up to a nicer space and you know, and just be that much in a better space in the morning?

As just one example. But yes, that that really kind of was something I didn't expect to learn or to become aware of just that much more aware of?

[13:40] Valerie: Totally. It's so interesting, because I really I really felt the words that you said which was, you didn't think you'd be someone who would be disciplined then later you're talking about how easy the daily movement was and how things just flowed? And it's so common because I get I can totally relate to this and how we think like discipline structure, it has to be this it has to be that when really it's, it's this beautiful, kind of like, polarity, but it works in unison of like things will flow with the right discipline and then you also said, priming yourself and setting yourself up for success. is one of those is one of those things, like clearing your space and setting yourself up for the day before like what are some examples you have to set yourself up for success with your habits?

Kaylie: Yeah, I actually learned a lot about this from you. And, yeah, so I'm super grateful. But yeah, like I mentioned, you know, tidying my space, setting up my yoga mat if, if that's what I feel will, you know, will help me fill my water. glass full of water because I love drinking water in the morning. Setting out clothes if I know, sometimes I like to wake up and go outside or go you know, outdoors and so I'll yeah, I'll prepare what I'm wearing. Yeah, those are just really small things that kind of add up to be that much more helpful in the morning.

Valerie: Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, like, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Kaylie: Yeah, well, I think one thing that comes to mind initially like instantly is that it helped in my relationships with other people.

You know, I would be in a better mood after after moving and meditating and I think my you know, my partner, my homies they were see what I'm doing and it would kind of give them permission as well to take that time to Yeah, to invest in themselves first thing in the morning or any time of day, really. And so it would just like kind of everyone would be in better moods and more intuitive themselves and I found Yeah, I found that really helped with my with my relationships, which was another surprise for me you know, that's not something I necessarily expected or it wasn't a goal for me, but it's very welcomed outcome.

Yeah, and then just, I think, well, you've touched on habit stacking as well. Something I learned from you and so, you know, just creating that one goal, or that one habit, sorry.

I felt like it impacted me like creating a second or third or fourth just became that much easier. And I felt like oh, you know, I can do this. And so yeah, there was a while I had like, five or six daily habits.

And like everything, it fluctuates, so now I have a bit, a bit less but you know, just to feel like oh, I can do this.

And it just was a competence booster. Yeah, so it's just overall like a super positive impact.

Valerie: I love to hear that. I get goosebumps when people share that like their partner or their husbands, like you said, start to recognize this for themselves. And I think that it's so powerful because we really don't realize who's watching us. We don't really realize the impact that we're making all the time. I know you and I talked about this before, in how it's nice to have a service to help compliments from some people who maybe don't see them every day or just nice to receive compliments in general, because you're like, oh, yeah, I didn't realize that. That's how I showed up or that's how I made me feel like thank you for letting me know that I've helped you in this way.

Yeah, that's so cool. And it's so beautiful, again, like I've always talked about exchanging energy but it is such a beautiful exchange of energy to say like, Hey, I'm doing this for me. This is permission for you to also do things for you and collect to make a better pair a better relationship a better community.

[19:15] Kaylie: I really Yes. Not selfish, putting yourself first is not selfish. Which is huge. I need it written across my forehead.

Valerie: Oh my god, we all do.

Kaylie: Well the chair I was sitting on just broke.

Valerie: Oh gosh, I was wondering where you went, are you okay?

Kaylie: Yeah, it’s a little kid’s stool. So it serves me right.

Valerie: I love it. Just breaking through the barriers! Alright my dear, my last question for you is, for someone who’s interested in starting a new habit, what advice would you give them?

Kaylie: Well, first advice would be to follow out and listen to all her advice because she's amazing. And knows all the good things.

And then I would also say, take small steps. You know, it doesn't mean you don't have to commit to something huge. It can be simple. It can be bite sized changes.

I think that one thing that helps me create my habit is that I didn't overwhelm myself with a big goal. I was just like, Oh, I'm gonna do this today. ANd oh, it sounds good. So yeah, so I think take small steps and take time afterwards to see how you feel about it.

You know, it's great to do a positive activity, but if you're not really acknowledging the good feelings that it brings you. It can easily kind of get forgotten or swept aside. So like, take a moment and just recognize how you feel after Yeah, and how, how it shifted your energy doing this. This healthy habit, whatever that healthy habit is created.

[21:21] Valerie: And it's so great to do the small steps because it really especially when you are looking back on it, you are tapping into how you're feeling and the impact it is making on yourself. It's like you're not only gaining like, Oh, you're more flexible and I'm more physically fit because this was a habit. But I'm also more confident in myself and in my own growth and in the things that I want to achieve and in the bigger goals that I do want to create or think about or dream about. And I know I have said this to you personally, but it really is beautiful to see your growth from when we met to when we work together on your habits to now to and to continue to see this growth and that's like a really beautiful, soulful connection to I was telling Kelly before we were recording how your habits are so you and they're not because of anyone else and they're what you want and what facility you and you bring and I can see it I can see how much joy they bring me because it's like you've decided that this is for you. And that's such a strong foundation to continue to stack your habits. So thank you again so much for being on the show. This has been an amazing conversation and I'm so excited to see more.

Kaylie: Thank you so much Vall, I know we don't get to see each other much at all in person but I really appreciate your online presence and all the positive impact on my life. So thank you so much.

Well there you have it! Prioritizing yourself is not selfish, but just the opposite! It inspires the people around you to prioritize their own self care and supportive routines. Our habits can be a lot easier than we make them out to be. If you’re struggling to create a healthy habit and are looking for valuable support and meaningful transformation, visit VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/MENTORSHIP to get started.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!