E197: How a High Achiever went from Crisis to Spaciousness with Sarah

Join High Achiever: business owner, school teacher, and plant/nature enthusiast Sarah Peel in her intimate and detailed experience working with Val in the Make a Habit Mentorship program to go from crisis mode, to creating a spacious summer…

[00:57] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Sara, thank you so much for joining me today. Welcome to the show!

[01:04] Sarah Peel: It's a real honor to be here. I already use it for and we've actually met in person for the past two years and this one-on-one coaching was really, really helpful to me in a time though that I really needed it. So I'm glad to talk to and share my story because I think it'd be helpful to others.

So I am the teacher and an entrepreneur, so you can probably understand that I'm a person with my fingers and a lot of pieces of pie.

I would also say not to just completely define myself as you know what I do, but I love to explore ideas and bring them into fruition, I guess you would say because I bring them into reality. And I'm always exploring who I am and I think I'm still figuring out who I am and that's part of the cool journey. of life for me.

And I don't like to necessarily put myself in a box but sometimes these personality types are a cool shorthand for people to understand. I am an Enneagram three, which you don't have to know much about the Enneagram to understand that the title to my personality is called The Achiever.

And there's great things about that and then there's some downsides to that one is that I could potentially work all the time and love it until I don't love it anymore in the crisis, and and in this time in particular, when I started to work with you, I felt like I was in a bit of a crisis. Now we'll get into more of that later but I felt like I was asleep to time.

And I needed a change. The other good thing about being an achiever is what I've described before but my personality is that I'm always looking for and I'm open to new things to do and new ways of looking at things and like going at them with my my full my full self. so that's kind of a little bit about me.

I don't know if you want to ask me any more questions to clarify some of the things that I've just said.

[03:46] VL: Yeah, I love all the things you just said, I love that you described yourself with your ideogram, which I also don't know much about, but I know that I'm the 10 year grant, which is the Challenger, that we connected this way.

And I guess the follow up question or the part to that first question was, what is the healthy habit that you're currently committed to?

[04:03] SP: Right. So

I think as I've been on this journey to kind of figuring myself out and finding work that really makes me happy. I realized that I can't do that, without good habits. I need to eliminate some decision fatigue, so that I can focus on what I'm really good at and what lights me up.

So I'll just say that as an Achiever, I already want to have good habits. Just because I learned what it felt like to live out good habits and rituals.

And then I met you during the early days of the pandemic and being following along like we became friends and then also just following along in your habit making methodologies and what you share about those things and even being part of the Healthy Habits one to one day challenge in January.

I think it was 21 days right?

VL: Yep.

SP: So some of the good habits that I already have are like when I'm teaching and running my business at the same time I do things like menu planning on Sunday, I also prep and plan my wardrobe so that I don't have to make a decision about what to wear in the morning.

I pre book like all the yoga Pilates workouts that I'm going to do so that I know well okay, that's a certain time maybe you know, my partner can make dinner on that night of the week or whatever.

So I'm pretty organized. I know I have to be able to do it. Things that I want to do, I have to have good habits in place. Because they free me up to be myself because they free me up to be myself. So when I got to the end of June, as I said, I'm also a supply teacher. So that's one way that I'm able to manage also having a business that I run part time.

however, there was just so much going on, you know, my aging parents were needing a lot from me, at that particular time. I had signed up to weakened markets selling my house plants and gardening supplies for my business Petit Soleil Studio.

And it was just, it was too much.

And I started to think about what kind of summer that I wanted. And I really liked the 21 day challenge before we set out to articulate our goal. You wanted us to come up with a feeling word. What is the feeling word that we want to achieve? So that it's not just about doing it's about feeling.

So, on the summer solstice actually I did a little bit of a you know a journaling exercise to make it into more of a ritual to make it more meaningful for myself and more powerful. I found the word spacious. That's the kind of summer that I wanted to have. And so as school was wrapping up, I was really looking forward to doing a few things for my business like that were more creative, and less really engaging more inwardly engaging. I wanted to do some writing and research but I also wanted to rest and I was really looking forward to that. And then the last week of school I got an email from my local school board. I had applied for a position a couple of months before to teach summer school. And I hadn't heard anything so I didn't think that was really an opportunity.

And they just said do you want this job? Like six days before school would actually start.

I had to take it financially; it was just too good of an opportunity. Our family needed some extra money. And so with that, I kind of had a bit of a freakout and some grief about losing a spacious summer.

the freakout was I know it's gonna be a lot of work. It's so intense. It was for a course that I've never taught before. I've never taught summer school before. I just, you know there were just so many unknowns.

I reached out just when I decided to reach out to you to help me figure out could I still honor that feeling word? Throughout a very busy time and still feel like I could have a spacious summer, even teaching summer school.

[09:02] VL: I remember that. You're like, I have my feeling word, but I need help. How do we do this?

So, just kind of reiterate what you've said, you're a high achiever. Enneagram three, you have huge goals, but you also know the meaning of spaciousness and what that means like what that feels like to you and what that means for your life. And then you get this great opportunity that you know is going to be so much more on your calendar and on your plate than you originally anticipated.

A few months or a few days even before so what was that like six days before actually doing it?

What would you describe as that turning point of like, oh, yeah, I've been following bow for two years. I know we've worked together and like really kind of – small ways, like sprinkling in and kind of thinking of the challenge and just seeing my posts and, you know, chatting on DMS a little bit. I know you've listened to the podcast, there's lots of tangible things there. So what was the difference for you or what was that shift for you versus oh I know the resources that Val has versus like okay one to work directly with her what was the difference. The shift for you?

[10:20] SP: Well, I think I'm a pretty self directed person most of the time where I am. This is part of my maturing process. I wasn't always able to see where I was doing too much and I've had several occasions where I worked out and then things and I didn't want to go back to that kind of feeling.

Because it feels like failure, which is actually one of the achievers or fears is failure. Anyways, I've been working on that. That's a whole other that's a whole other topic.

so I just got to the point where I was like, You know what, sorry, maybe you need some extra help. Maybe there are things that you can't do yourself. That you just need somebody to talk you through some accountability, you know, other than your friends and family or your partner.

Maybe you need to invest in yourself. Maybe this is you know, you invest in other kinds of health care, like getting massages or booking yourself in for a mammogram or any any of those kinds of things.

This is probably something that you need to do for your for your health. so I actually didn't even know that you did one on one mentoring, but because I know you well, I wondered I just sent you a direct message and asked you if I could do a few sessions with you. because I just thought it would be helpful. and I thought I needed professional help.

[12:02] VL: So that's yeah, That's a big deal. for help. Especially with someone that you have so definitely want to acknowledge you for that. that's that's a really big deal. and also acknowledge you for doing all the things you do and then recognizing that yes, in my maturity I can ask for help or I do need an outside year or suggestion or method or whatever. it is, so that's a really huge. I know a lot of people who are not have yet to do that.

So, what was it that really surprised you or something that surprised you when you started working on your habits and they started working, and asking for that help what happened at the beginning or what was a surprise for you?

[12:48] SP: Well, one thing that you helped me to do is to look at my calendar. Like let's start at the very beginning.

Look at where in my actual calendar, could I program in spaciousness. So that's one of the things that we did together and I guess I was try to maybe order something like this might surprise, maybe has a connotation of like, be a negative thing, but I was I had some delight and seeing that you didn't put more pressure on me to do another thing.

Tonight, I mean, you weren't like I have a five step plan for you. And actually it's gonna take more time. So I think actually, that's very important for people to know is that you were very responsive to where I was at and you didn't, I didn't feel burdened by any of the things that you suggested.

Going back to the calendar, you had said, let's look at the month of July. So basically during summer school, I was working six days a week and Monday to Friday was definitely 12 hour days. I was so spent all of my activities were basically focused on school and just sleeping, getting up getting dressed and doing it all again some basic care. So leaving encouraged me to find ways to celebrate normal responsibilities in the house too. Can I ask for some of those things to be done by my husband, which he did?

And you suggested that either at the beginning or the end of the day, that I have a gratitude journal and it didn't have to be long, long sentences, just the bullet points. A couple of things that I was grateful for, because of course, gratitude is expansive and makes you feel like there's more instead of focusing on the things that are stressing you out, which makes you feel like there's less so gratitude, and then you suggested that after I wrote down the gratitude, I had a few things that I that either felt spacious in my day, or I was doing to create some spaciousness in my day and doing things.

You suggested, you know, taking some time to breathe during class, which I did actually start in my classes with my students with three cleansing breaths, and none of them actually gave me any feedback. I felt weird about it. But nobody really liked it. Because they were kind of stressed out and I also wanted me to start looking at my bedtime routine to try to turn my computer off, like at least two hours before going to bed. And one of the ways that I normally Unwind by watching some some fluffy TV with my husband before that, what that was actually doing is working till sometimes 9:30 then closing the computer, getting things ready for the next day and then sitting down at 10 to watch television just was not good for bedtime.

so you helped me explore some bedtime rituals that I could that I could do to help me unwind. and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so, you may remember I mentioned that I wanted to do to spend July doing creative work like writing and researching. Had a couple of workshops planned but that was basically just like, open time to explore and to allow ideas to come to me.

and so going forward into August you know that in between vacation is actually the times that you're at home in between vacation are not very, they're usually quite stressful because you're unpacking from one thing you're getting ready for the next and like all the stuff that you put off to the sky while you were relaxing is now there in your face

So you suggested that I ease into that. I tried to find time to have that time in August. Maybe it wasn't going to be weeks on end. That one I allowed myself to give myself permission to transition from summer school into vacation mode.

And whatever that looked like was just to be easy on myself and give myself permission to do nothing. Then to find two days in my weeks where I could dedicate to my business one day to do administrative stuff like catching up on bookkeeping and another day to just kind of be free and open to reading and writing.

And we also talked a lot about how to make social media easy and spacious. Basically I just put everything aside for social media in July and that was a – that was a mental health saving device. Just basically let people know that I'm gonna disappear for a month and I'm going to be back in August. So just take the pressure off myself to be on social media completely. But I wanted to ease back into it in August.

And so you suggested also – I thought it was interesting that we kind of had a bit of business coaching as well. Just talking about social media. And yes, it's important for your business but how can you make it work for you?

And so I also decided that during my two weeks of vacation one week of camping with a friend and all have our kids, which would be very focused on being present and being with the kids that you know, could I take some do some stories of like

plants that I would find in and around the campground and do a little bit of teaching around that. And so I did that and actually got a great response from that. And it was fun and it's totally in my wheelhouse. So I felt like I was still not slacking off but I was giving something of value that you know people follow me for. And then the second week of vacation while I was at a cottage with my parents and my partner. I also did the same and so I really took pictures while I was out on walks but I didn't post while I was with them so that I could be totally present.

Again creating spaciousness there and then blocked off time in which I actually did the posting. So I didn't feel that it was bleeding. into the time that I wanted to spend completely with my people.

And that was very helpful as well. So I think those are some of the things that we talked about, and I implemented calendar stuff and then allowed myself to transition to a gratitude journal which I'm still doing, because it's still summertime. You know, it's my, my summer word is spaciousness. and I feel even though I'm kind of gearing back up to the September feeling. I'm still trying to enjoy the last bit of summer before things are in full swing.

[20:59] VL: I love all of that. I love that you revisited the kind of the process I guess that just transpired from us working together.

I definitely. I mean looking back on everything I remember just from the beginning, how overwhelmed you were and then just week by week, it was like easing into that feeling again, kind of revisiting our recovery. And coming back to that anchor of your feeling word. And it's cool to see how you implement tiny things or make those tiny shifts to your already impacted routines really impacted. Other areas of your life, like from summer school teaching to how you spend your vacations to the transition between July and August to now and then I'm sure it's going to continue on and how you transition into the next season. Right so it's really cool that it had that greater impact. Is there anything else that you would add to that greater impact of what these healthy habits have done for different areas of your life, not just what we focus on. I mean, spaciousness was really such an overarching feeling for all parts of your life and when you look at your calendar it kind of covers everything. Is there anything that we didn’t cover yet?

SP: Not that I can think of at the moment.

VL: And then, what would you say would be like the specific thing that made this habit work for you or what made it so successful for you?

[22:36] SP: Well, one is the feeling word for sure. Because I can keep on coming back to that that was my core desire, and I really felt that was important. And I didn't like the feeling of not feeling spacious. I mean, that was the thing that brought me to you know, the summer solstice and saying, Oh, how do I want to spend my summer because I feel like every, in my mind, I'm like blocking my time into 15 minute chunks, like okay, well, on the way to this location, I can do this, this and this and I need to be done. Anyway, so it just felt like a slave to time. And I hated that. And I just wanted to have fun and rest.

I also wanted to make business feel fun, and I didn't want to be doing it all the time. So the feeling word was very important. And I also liked that it was easy. It didn't have to be hard. I think I have at note from one of our sessions… let me see… “let this be fun1” And we're talking about social media; how to make it fun for myself.

And it's hard to have fun If you don't have spaciousness, So, like everything, kind of trip trickles down from a really good feeling.

[24:03] VL: Yeah, I agree. I agree that was something that we kept coming back to. And not just the word itself. But like, where in all these areas of your life could you feel this way or in all these different parts of your day? Could we tie this in or bring this in? And you started to do more things with intention? I think the other thing that I noticed that you haven't mentioned yet was that there was this feeling of dread for certain parts of the long days the feeling like you needed to show up online every day or you needed to stay relevant and be on social media all the time, which we know isn't true. But when we said okay, like, let's step back a second, how do we want to feel on social media? How do we want to feel about our teaching for unworking for 12 hour plus days? And you were like, Yeah, you're right. I don't want to go into this day. Feeling this negativity and that was part of that gratitude journal practice, which I'm so glad to hear that you're continuing.

Yeah, that's a it's honestly, it. gratitude practice changed my life, but we tweaked it just for you. Right. We treat you for your spaciousness and how you want it to feel on how you wanted to show up as a teacher and an educator and an entrepreneur. So I think you've done a really great job in showing up for yourself and for your habits and I know that as an achiever it's good for you to have that goal, or that kind of light at the end of the tunnel, like what am I working toward? So again, I think spaciousness is really a word. I feel like work really made it successful. for you and creating that word or finding that word for you in ritual or in that sacred space and setting so that's pretty powerful. I love that.

[25:51] SP: That's a great segue because I have remembered something else that was part of my practice.

Of course, we've talked about spaciousness and the outward things that I was doing, but also in an interior spaciousness. spaciousness in my mind and my spirits and like the, of course there's breathing and that itself is where your physical body and your spirit kind of connect. But also prayer was very important to that act of like, let surrender, letting things go. asking for guidance, even if it was just taking that time in the car driving to work as I could feel my adrenaline going raising up and then just saying okay, it's your deep breaths.

Have some prayer time to just let this go and to actually sometimes I would actually speak into the you know, out loud in the car. And I found that very, very helpful. And tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves, feeling like you know, I've got 15 minutes and before I'm just gonna run for six hours to say, Well, how am I feeling sitting in this chair? How was my chest feeling like, am I breathing from the top of my lungs or, you know, shallowly or deeply doing that body skin and like am I feeling tight in certain places? Do I feel like yeah, just like doing a body scan? I actually feel like that was very grounding as well. And helped me to feel calm and centered.

And took a lot of the pressure off to just flow. Like you know, I'm an organized person. Everything is like, sometimes I was creating the lessons an hour before I was actually teaching them, but I knew that I had to do that because I had them all written down. Like I had my script today. And so I just needed to be present to that and say, Okay, what's reasonable, and I just kind of helped me to say, okay, what can you achieve now?

What can be put off because of your expectations of getting everything done? well ahead of time, it's just not possible. So how can you make this easy for yourself? and having that practice of breathing, praying, and grounding through like an embodiment practice? I think it is really good as well.

[28:51] VL: Yeah, I love that. That's a. Those are some great examples and great ways of how you incorporated all these different things internally and like you said, with your environment. For someone who is interested in starting a new habit, What advice would you give to them? And then I'll maybe say a follow up to that would be what advice would you give to someone who is trying to figure out their feeling word? Because you did such a great job of this.

[29:20] SP: Okay, let's start with how to find a feeling word.

That's interesting. See, I've been doing that for a while now. So sometimes once things are ritual, you don't even think about it, do it, which is a very good point to vote habits that you're taking the decision fatigue out of the way I think it's kind of like you're gonna send to yourself, where you're at right now present. And, but that's placed you know in the past, like it's you're not go to past and things that have been happening. And your thoughts and feelings about that? And then the present is in between the past and the future that you have thoughts and feelings about. And so it's a little bit like, what do I want to keep from the past? What do I not want? Sometimes it's even more powerful to say, what do I not want to repeat and just think of a positive word.

A word that embodies something that you want in your future. So I would say positive thinking has to be a positive or a generative word, for sure.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat. And it needs to be positive.

[20:35] VL: Yeah, I agree, that's great. For someone who is interested in starting a habit, what advice would you give to them?

[31:06] SP: start small, start with maybe just one thing and then build on it. That's one thing that I've learned a lot from you is habit stacking. Because once you have one habit, and it becomes habitual, meaning that you don't think about it anymore, you can then add things to that habit.

And so they become kind of like a multi-layered thing. Where one thing leads to another leads to another.

Given an example of my own life, wardrobe prepping the night before having my desk clear the night before my bag packed the night before so there's three habits that have to do with bedtime. We're preparing for the day ahead, the night before.

Which is maybe taking some time in the morning, even if it's just five minutes to be still and to take in the summertime. I take my coffee outside on the grass and I let my cat in so that it becomes a little ritual.

So that's then another thing is that once something becomes a habit, you can make it more meaningful for yourself, by ritualizing it and there's no hocus pocus involved. It's that you're, you're giving it meaning beyond the actual doing of thing.

[32:46] VL: I think for people to understand those habits, yes, they are meant to be automated. But the intention for how I like to teach habits. It's not so that your life is automated. It's actually so that your life is intentional. And when you are intentional about your behaviors, those behaviors become habitually intentional, going in circles here, but that intention is often fueled deeper by a ritual type of habit. So it's not just oh yeah, I just naturally automatically get out. Make my morning beverage and step outside of my grasp on my cats. I'm mindfully pouring that beverage into a cup that makes me feel a certain way. I'm stepping out into the grass because I know that this is grounding and this is how I embodied those practices, and the intention of being with nature. Being with my cat. So I want to share that experience with her. And so this is the power of the stacking of the habits but also like you said, the feeling or the intention of it really all is interconnected. So I'm really glad that you share those, those parts of it too.

Because really when you peel back the layers of all the work that we've done down to the root will use your language plans yes, we're down to the seed.

Thank you so much for sharing all of this on the podcast today. I'm glad you said yes to this conversation. because I feel like there was such a transformation within you in such a short amount of time. And not only like the short amount of time, but all of the things that you had going on within that container that we weren't together like the changes within that, that were not really in our control. But what were the things that we could do to make this more useful to make this more spacious and honestly you. You did an incredible job there was lots of growth (another pun there) and transformation so again, thank you so much.

[34:58] SP: Thank you Val for having me, you’re welcome!

VL: I think a lot of people are going to benefit from your story, I’m really glad.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!