E224: Resetting Habits: How Presence, Rooted, and Space Improved Our Lives in 21 Days

There is something powerful about affirming and connecting to a feeling. Whenever I work with someone, whether that be in a group coaching program or one-on-one experience, the foundation is the same. This foundation is about anchoring into a meaningful feeling. Today I’m excited to share three stories from past clients who were able to reset their habits using their unique feeling words: Presence, Rooted, and Space…

[00:52] Valerie: Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast – Thank you so much for being here! It is an absolute pleasure to have you! I’m coming to you today from my podcast studio AKA the second bedroom of our home LOL but if you’re subscribed to the YouTube channel, then you would have seen my little behind the scenes tour of where I record these episodes for you!

www.youtube.com/@vallavingelife/videos

Not every episode is available on YouTube yet, so you won’t find the video version of today’s episode there, but I am going to be posting a weekly video for you. Sometimes full episodes, sometimes behind the scenes, shorts, or different more visual content for you! Which is both out of my comfort zone and also very exciting.

Speaking of exciting! Today we have three incredible guests on the show. Please welcome Allie, Adine, and Danielle to the podcast. These women participated in our most recent 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge and have taken the time to share their experience with us on the show.

The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge is pretty much what it sounds like! It’s a live challenge that I host for anyone who wants to build better habits, or break bad ones. Together we take action on our new behaviours, track our progress, and cheer each other on! The challenge is open to whoever would like to join, and our next challenge starts April 10th of this year. You can join us by visiting www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge

THIS LINK IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN THE SHOW NOTES PAGE AS WELL.

Quick announcement/change for the 21 day challenge. This upcoming challenge will be the LAST ONE for this year. While I was hosting the challenge seasonally, I’ve decided that is not conducive to my goals or energy and so I will host this last challenge in April, and then NEXT YEAR will host another challenge.

So… If you are listening to this episode before April 10th, definitely jump on this opportunity to empower your mindset, your health, your well-being, your business, and any other goals you have!

If you’re listening to this episode after April 10th, you will still be able to access the challenges, and I encourage you to get on the waitlist for next year’s so you won’t miss it!

Okay, let’s get into these incredible stories and experiences shall we?!

Now, not everyone has a second bedroom in their home set up for a podcast studio, so I will preface by saying the sound quality sort of changes throughout the episode. Nonetheless, the content and stories from these women are amazing!

[03:36] I mentioned in the intro of this podcast, that when you’re working with me it’s really important that the foundation of our work be anchored in feelings. When I host the challenge, I encourage the challengers to choose a feeling word and habits to go along with them, here’s what our guests chose:

Adine: Hi, my name is Adine, and my feeling word and habit for the 21 days was “presence.”

Danielle: Hi, my name is Danielle. My word for this challenge was “rooted” and my habits for the 21 days were a night time ritual which included a skincare routine, journaling, and reading. I had hopes of including a tea ritual in that but it just proved to be a little too much for me.

Valerie: At the start of the challenge, I’m really on the challengers to choose a feeling word that they connect to. Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right word for you, and that’s okay. Here are some ideas to find that meaningful word:

1. Get quiet and visual what the perfect day would look like. At the end of that detailed perfect day, how would you feel at the end of the night?

2. If you know how you DON’T want to feel, brainstorm some opposite positive feeling words, and choose the one you resonate with the most.

3. Review your goals for the day, month, and year, and ask yourself: how would it feel to achieve these goals? The answer can be your feeling word.

The feeling word is not only something we start with, but also what we revisit throughout the challenge. While we’re tracking our habits we are also checking in to make sure those specific behaviours line up with how we want to feel.

[05:15] While knowing our feeling word is foundational, knowing where we’re coming from, or where we’re at in life before starting the challenge is also incredibly helpful. We can’t get to the end goal without knowing where we’re at before starting the challenge.

Here’s what our challengers had going on before starting the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge:

Allie: It’s not that I feel that I need to drastically make changes, I just feel like I’m always trying to work on small habits. So this month the feeling word was “space” for me and not automatically just saying yes to every single thing I get asked to do or whatever. Like socially, work-wise, everything. So having that reminder of the word space was so nice because I actually didn’t just say yes right away. I would say “I can get back to you” or “give me a day” or “give me a little bit” and then I would actually think, “okay do I actually want to do this thing?”

Adine: Where was I in life, or how was I feeling before starting the challenge? Things were getting pretty busy, and I was starting to feel overwhelmed with Christmas, and a little bit of travel and trying to wrap up work things before the end of the year. It was starting to feel a little more hectic than I certainly want to be at this point in my life.

Danielle: When I started this challenge I was definitely feeling like I needed more focus coming out of last year. I think there’s a reason why January is such a great reset time, just coming out of the chaotic busy holidays. I decided to do Dry January this year as well, which was the attempt to give myself one less thing to think about and stress about. And I really wanted to take that time to build those more positive evening routines to bring me into a more centred and calm space. And a place where I wasn’t just mindlessly spending my time, you know, doom-scrolling on social.

Valerie: You can almost hear the stress in their voices when they spoke about coming out of a chaotic season of life. Sometimes it’s hard to admit where you are before deciding to make a change – and a lot of the time it’s because we really don’t like where we’re at and we KNOW something needs to change for us to move forward. But this honesty and vulnerability is really helpful to the beginning of our journey.

We’re clear on what we no longer want, and we’re clear on how we want to feel. So in the simplest terms, the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge is about choosing the actions and behaviours that bring you closer to your feeling word, and moving away from the old patterns and habits that make you feel the opposite.

[08:18:] This process obviously takes some time. But with practice, accountability, and community, we can really move the needle forward and experience growth!

Let’s hear how the challengers experienced this transformation, and what they loved most about the challenge:

Allie: So yeah, even though it’s something that I still need to work on, it’s definitely nice to consciously pick a word and then focus on that for the month. Favourite part, I like the check ins from you, and it kind of keeps whatever you’re trying to work on top of mind.

Adine: My favourite part of the 21 day challenge was when I decided to get rid of my apple watch, give it to my daughter, completely take it off my phone; wipe it clean. And start to go back to life without something on my wrist binging me every 45 seconds.

Danielle: My favourite part of the Healthy Habit Challenge was definitely the accountability and support. I personally am not wired to ask for too much help, but there were a couple of DMs between Val and I where she would check in. I’d be a little bit vulnerable about how things were going. She was very supportive and encouraging. I’m also wired to kind of be all of nothing, so if I missed a day, I’d beat myself up about that. But her support and accountability around “even if you miss a day it’s great work toward the habit” so just the encouragement was really beneficial.

Valerie: I almost forgot to mention that the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge takes place on instagram. Everyday I post a couple story slides to the “close friends list” which is basically private access to the challenge content for challengers only! During those 21 days you have access to these special stories as well as me, in the DMs!

Yep, you can message me, voice note me, reply to stories, ask me your questions, celebrate your wins, all within our 21 days together.

Even if you’re a little shy about sliding into the DMs, I do reach out to each of the members at least once per week to check in and see how you’re doing. I also encourage the challengers to follow one another, share their experience on their own stories, and make the most out of our live community!

As a Healthy Habit Mentor, I recognize that accountability is HUGE for making or breaking habits. And accountability comes in many forms!

Here are some types of accountability:

Frequent accountability meetings with a coach or mentor
Social accountability: sharing on social media or with the community
Accountability buddy: fiend who you check-in with or do the habit with
Healthy competition: get a friend or group together to compete on consistency or reaching the goal together
Habit tracker: a tracker or scorecard to track your behaviour and progress
Have a milestone prize that you get when you reach x days of consistency to celebrate yourself
Set reminders on your phone or in your calendar

There aren’t a lot of “rules” when it comes to our 21 day challenge, because the point is to grow and expand without all the stuffy boundaries we think we need to be disciplined.

NUH-UH. We don’t need that BS.

What we need are the tools and techniques that actually work and move us forward. These specific tools are going to look slightly different for everyone, and possibly for every habit.

For example, starting a new workout routine is a completely different thing to having a goal of drinking more water every day. The techniques for building these into your life are going to be different AND they will also be different depending on the person.

[13:12] So here’s what you need to know: one of the best ways to build your habit is to notice what works for you and expand on that.

As well as, review where you’re noticing the most impact from starting the habit in the first place. This is going to reveal clues as to what’s truly working for YOU and will be part of your unique healthy habit strategy!

The impact is going to show up in different ways, here’s what our challengers experienced:

Allie: For the biggest impact, it’s probably just saying “no” to a few things, even small things like going for a drink or going out for dinner one night. And I knew I had other things to do and prioritize. I said “no” a few times – which is big for me – because I got to prioritize what I actually wanted to prioritize.

Adine: The thing that had the biggest impact on me was getting used to putting my phone down, not having a watch on my wrist, remembering how to tell time on an analog watch. But also really focusing on being in the moment. So whenever I had that reflex to look at my watch or my phone, thinking “Nope. I’m right here, I’m right now. Whatever is there is going to wait for me.” and that is really incredible.

Danielle: The part of the challenge that had the biggest impact in my life was really kind of the impacts these habits had on my overall mood, and sort of the general feeling of wellbeing. I felt much calmer and more focused. And I wasn’t questioning how my time would be spent in the evenings, but just spent the time meaningfully. So I really saw habits taking over thought which allowed the thought to be used for other things.

Valerie: Did you hear the clues? Let me highlight a few of them. When I’m working with Allie it’s important that we outline priorities. What are her priorities? Where do they fall in ranking? How can we block time for each of these things in her life, while also allowing her to feel space?

When I’m working with Adine, we can really emphasize triggers or cues. Which moments in the day can we use to connect to our feeling word throughout the day to remind us to be present? What actions, words, or situations can trigger us to tap into the feeling word?

And when I’m working with Danielle, I want to encourage her to look back on what she has accomplished and achieved. She is very forward-focused, which is outstanding! Without looking back, however, we can get caught up in all of the things we need to do or achieve, and we forget about how far we’ve come. By working with her to see her achievements, impact, and the ripple effects of her actions, Danielle can feel encouraged to keep moving forward, even if some days are tiny steps instead of the big leaps she’s striving for.

Take a moment to think about how your healthy habits have positively impacted you? Do you notice any clues of what works in your life?

Don’t worry if you’re having trouble answering that question. Truthfully, most people struggle with seeing their own clues because they’re just so IN their own experience and emotions that they can’t take that step back to see the bigger picture.

That’s where I come in, your Healthy Habit Mentor. While the 21 Day Challenge and community is pretty incredible, there are seasons in life where we need deeper, more customized support. If this sounds like where you’re at in your journey, you may be interested in my Healthy Habit Mentorship. A customized and personal one-on-one experience working with me. You can get all the details and apply for the program at www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship

[17:15] Regardless of whether we work together one-on-one or in a group, when you’re consistent with your healthy habits, magic happens!

I’m serious! There are so many wonderful and pleasant surprises that pop up during the transformation, and most times they are things we wouldn’t have ever expected to experience on the journey.

This is also one of my favourite things to hear about from the challengers:

Adine: The thing that surprised me the most was actually how quickly my body undid the bad habit. So for 45 years of my life I’ve lived without this Apple Watch that accelerated my technology addiction – or not addiction but technology dependance I guess. And within, I don’t know, less than 21 days I completely unwound that part and reminded myself I have lived without this technology for decades and I can go back to that and get my nervous system back down to a calmer energy and be a little more present at all times.

Danielle: The thing that surprised me the most about the challenge was that it had these ripple effects into my whole household. I’m married with two kids, one’s 5 one’s 9. And it kind of reset evenings for my whole family, me, my husband, and my kids. So we just had an overall more mindful use of time and better quality time spent all together.

Valerie: Ahh yes the ripple effect… This is one of my favourite things about building a healthy habit. No matter what area of life you’re focusing on, it is bound to impact another area of your life also. AND when you’re true to yourself and your own habits, you impact other people in your life!

I like to use the visual of a champagne tower. Picture a beautiful crystal tower of champagne coupes. You are a single coupe at the top of this tower. Your healthy habits, routines, rituals, and systems are the champagne. When we work together, we pour champagne into your glass. And what happens when your coupe is full? It pours into the glasses below and around it filling their glasses too.

How does this work for habits? Well, you are giving yourself permission to love yourself, fuel yourself, honour yourself and be kind to yourself.

Doing this inspires, empowers, and encourages others around you to do the same. YOU my friend are making an impact whether you realize it or not! AND WHAT A GIFT that is to be able to share this abundance, this presence, rootedness, and spaciousness with others.

I want this for you.

I want this transformation for you. If you want this too, join the challenge or get on the waitlist today! www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge. And if you want to start sooner, and work with me in a closed container, then the 1:1 Mentorship is where it’s at for you! www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship

[20:25] Maybe you’re listening right now and you’re thinking “but I’ve already done the challenge…” AMAZING! You are totally welcome to join the next one!

In fact, our challengers who have shared their experiences with us today have done the challenge multiple times, and here’s what they’ve discovered the second time around:

Allie: In the second challenge I actually told my boyfriend about it as well, “this is something I’m working on.” and I’m trying to be conscious about not just always being so go with the flow and always saying yes to everything. And I think that helped because If I was like “no I can’t fit that in, or I can;t do that.” Then he was really understanding because he actually knew I was consciously trying to work on that. So I think that was really helpful compared to the first time when I was just more focused on myself.

Adine: The first time around on the challenge, I was super ambitious. I think I was giving up sugar and caffeine and walking 5km a day, and I think I had a lot going on. This time with the challenge it was really about ONE THING, and changing that one thing has made everything else seem a little easier I guess. So slowing down and being a little more present: I eat more slowly; I’m drinking less wine; I’m enjoying my workouts and walking without listening to a podcast and instead just listening to my footsteps. So it’s actually making a lot of things better by just focusing on one simple thing.

Danielle: This is my second time signing up for a challenge, because I do just really love the quiet background support and accountability that’s there. The thing I did differently this time was that I talked about it more with my immediate family and my household. Which I do think made me more encouraged and accountable. So sharing the challenge with those closest to me was really powerful and it did have those ripple effects with the rest of my family which was incredibly encouraging to see that happen as well.

Valerie: Working with women like Allie, Adine, and Danielle truly lights me up. Witnessing how they show up, how they’re expanding, and how they’re learning as they grow is so powerful. I am truly blessed to have been connected to each of them and been able to work with them on their healthy habits.

If you’ve loved their stories and experiences as much as I did, then I know you will LOVE your own experiences in the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge! Join us at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge I cannot wait to support you and your transformation and growth!

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!