E229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles and Staying on Track

While I always aim to make building better habits, and breaking bad habits fun, I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. And the truth is, there will be obstacles along your journey to creating your dream life.

There will be times when you question your efforts, when you want to give up, when you misstep or fall into old patterns. However there is another truth I want to share with you – and this is something I tell ALL of my students or clients when they’re learning a new skill: it doesn’t get easier, you get better at it…

While there are many obstacles that arise when making healthy habits, or breaking bad ones, there are nine I see the most frequently as a Healthy Habit Mentor. I’d love to know, when it comes to creating new habits or breaking old ones, where do you get stuck?

Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife!

Perhaps your obstacles falls into one of these nine common ones, or maybe yours is completely unique! Let’s find out!

Before we dive into the details, I do want to mention that every single person out there experiences some sort of set back or speed bump when they’re doing something new, making a change in their lives or learning a new skill. And that’s what habit-formation is, it’s a SKILL to be able to craft behaviours. Plus, each one of us is very different, and the habits we want to implement are different too, trial and error is expected in the process.

Being in the business of helping people craft their new behaviours, and empowering women and their lifestyles, I follow and see what other people in the industry are doing. There are a lot of great coaches and creators out there who have the right intentions but they don’t always have the right strategy.

[02:15] Obstacle #1: Lack of Motivation

People are out there preaching about “motivation” and listen, I want you to feel inspired and motivated also, but this isn’t long-lasting. Typically, motivation is what gets you going, but we learn very quickly that it’s not sustainable.

The chances are if you’re listening to this podcast, or watching this YouTube channel, you already want to make a change – you already want to implement your new behaviours and routines. I feel that it’s safe to assume you’re already motivated to START.

So focus on what is going to keep you in action, and continue to make progress. What is that? It’s YOUR WHY!? It’s your reason for making a change in the first place. WHY do you want to eat healthier? WHY do you want to start your own business? WHY do you want to get 8 hours of sleep every night? WHY do you want to read daily?

If you’ve ever worked with me before, you’ll know that we always start with your feeling word. I always ask you, how do you want to feel? And the answer to this question becomes the foundation of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because – as I mentioned at the very beginning of this episode – there WILL be obstacles, and our feeling word is what we can anchor into, what we can come back to, even if we can’t or don’t do the habit that day.

For example, you want to feel Peaceful, so you create a daily meditation ritual. The new habit is to meditate every day for 10 minutes. As you’re practicing this habit, you notice there are other moments or scenarios where you feel “peaceful,” such as when you’re taking a shower at the end of the day, or when you’re making your favourite dinner, or reading a great book. And then one day, you don’t have a chance to do your meditation habit BUT you were able to find a moment of peace on your lunch break when you took your lunch outside and sat in the sun while you ate. Missing a day of your habit can really put you off track if you don’t have a solid foundation – however YOU DO Have a strong foundation, and you count the day as a small win for still feeling peaceful.

These smaller steps, or tiny wins can really help you build momentum in your habits. Celebrate each of these wins, and incentivise yourself along your journey.

How can you celebrate a week-long streak of doing your habit every day? Or how can you treat yourself at the end of the month of being consistent? This helps too!

[05:11] Obstacle #2:Lack of Knowledge

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, everyone – including you – is unique and this also means that there isn’t always a one-size fits all approach to starting healthy habits, or breaking bad ones. Are there proven methods to building habits? Absolutely. Heaps! But not knowing which ones are going to support you can be confusing and frustrating.

It’s worth it to educate yourself about the healthy habit that you want to start, or the bad habit you want to break. I have an awesome list of book recommendations and their complementing podcast episodes if you want the book report/coles notes version.

If you’re not into reading, that’s okay – I’ve read most of these books already and the podcast episodes are essentially my take and what I thought were the biggest takeaways and key points. We’ve got a lot of awesome podcast episodes here, with tons of valuable teachings.

PLUS! Insider Tip: The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge that I run is being turned into a self-paced course that I am SUPER EXCITED ABOUT. At the time of this podcast publishing it is not ready YET but it will be out in May 2023, so if you’re stumbling upon this episode after that, you can access the course which has mirco lessons (1-2 minute lessons) that help you develop the skills to create a new habit. This will be available at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge

[06:55] Obstacle #3 Lack of Support

I’m incredibly excited about this new version of the Healthy Habits Challenge because it allows you to receive the support you need ANYTIME, not just when the challenge is running. Speaking of support. Another common obstacle for breaking bad habits or making new habits is Lack of support.

It can be challenging to make changes without support from family, friends, or a community. I’ve experienced it myself many times. You outgrow friends and partners. You want different things and a lot of the time when you’re improving yourself, and the people around you aren’t interested in that, sometimes they want to keep you down. They want to hold you back from that growth because they just are NOT ready for that. And straight up, that sucks. It can make the process feel harder and I would definitely encourage investing in a coach, or finding a new community to connect with.

That’s not always the case though. A lot of the women I’ve worked with have said that being able to share their goals with their partner, friends, and family has helped them in staying accountable and getting extra encouragement and support from their community. It’s worth mentioning your goals to your people, you might inspire them to make their own healthy changes.

[08:24] Obstacle #4: Stress

One of the main reasons why we have bad habits is because they’ve been birthed out of the need to respond to stress. For instance, biting nails, doom scrolling socials, eating a lot of sugar, etc. I’m sure you can list a few examples of how you’ve coped with stress in the past – or perhaps in the present?

When I asked the audience, “when it comes to your habits, where do you get stuck?” One of our community members, Emilia, replied, “When stress pulls me back into bad habits - especially the thought ‘I deserve this fun thing.’”

There is SO MUCH to unpack in this one sentence, and if you can relate to Emilia, I highly recommend booking a Clarity Call with me to clarify your next steps. Go to valerielavignelife.com/clarity to schedule that.

But I do want to highlight something from what Emilia shared, and it’s this dual relationship with the “bad habit” that keeps us stuck in a vicious cycle. From working with Emilia, I know that the “fun thing” she’s referring to is sugar! Emilia wants to eat less sugar, this is her “bad habit” but the problem is that she also thinks of sugar as a “fun thing” and our minds think fun = good. So there is this duality of fun and bad, and she is trapped in this cycle of breaking a bad habit, but deserving fun. Which, undoubtedly causes more stress.

If you are someone who can recognize the stress in your life, mind, and body, then I would encourage you to consider practices and rituals that help with stress-management. Especially tiny habits that you can do daily. For example: taking three (or more) mindful breaths every morning and every night, having a designated no tech time, going outside for some fresh air and sunshine, going to bed at the same time every night, daily movement etc.

The problem with stress is that we’re always going to have some sort of stress in our lives, and if we don’t address it, our physical body will start responding to it and eventually the body will MAKE US have to pay attention to it.

[11:42] Obstacle #5: Fear of Failure

Some of the women I work with are entrepreneurs and business owners. These women are incredibly talented leaders and yet they often come up against a common barrier: the fear of failure.

While I tend to witness this with women who are earlier in their business, as we elevate, we have new barriers to overcome, and they often have this same underlying fear.

Heck, I’ve been there! I have definitely held myself back because I didn’t want to fail or fall flat on my face. And as someone who has blazed a few trails, I can tell you that I have definitely tripped, fallen, and made mistakes. But I always get back up. And now, not always, but sometimes I do feel excited to leap and trip and get back up.

There are two quotes I think of when a client is struggling with this obstacle and they’re completely frozen in the fear of failure. The first quote is, “But what if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly?” It's almost like I can feel the wind under my wings when I’m reminded of this quote. Like new life has been breathed into me!

The other quote is by Henry Ford who said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” And when I hear that quote, I think to myself: well I better shift my mindset to I CAN then. I think of all the times I’ve worked with people who said “I can’t do that” but HOW DO YOU KNOW? How do you know unless you try? Don’t let anyone hold you back ESPECIALLY NOT YOURSELF!

The likelihood of your habit becoming automatic overnight is low. Remember that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of the process, and we can learn from our failures along the way. Track your tiny habits and watch how your progress (even if it’s small), helps to keep the wind in your sails, and help build your momentum.

But you’ve got to start. Just start.

[14:06] Obstacle #6: Lack of Time

And before you say “I don’t have time” – I know. I’ve heard it before, and I’ve said it before. The truth is we DO have time, we aren’t prioritizing that time well.

This obstacle reminds me of another quote or parable that goes: “Everyone should meditate for two minutes a day. If you don’t have two minutes, then you should meditate for two hours.” hahaha makes me giggle. What a slap in the face.

What gets scheduled, is what gets done. If you want to change your behaviours, put them into your calendar. Make them part of your routine, yes even the two-minute rituals. If they’re not fitting into your life, how do you expect to do them? How do you expect to achieve results?

[15:17] Obstacle #7: Temptations + Triggers

The struggle is real when it comes to breaking bad habits, because once a habit has been formed, it’s unlikely to be forgotten. When it comes to the obstacle of temptation, it’s easier to avoid temptation than to resist it. SO… what is the temptation of the bad habit, and how can you avoid it?

Are you working on breaking your no sugar after dinner habit? How can you mix up your evening routine so that your ice cream is invisible? Here’s a pro tip: your ice cream might be tucked away in the basement freezer now, but what about the cue or trigger that tells you “it’s time for ice cream!”? Does sitting on the couch to watch a show prompt you to get out the ice cream scooper? What behaviours can you change that are related to the CUE of the habit you’re trying to break? Start there.

[16:16] Obstacle #8: Lack of Consistency

When I asked our instagram community what their biggest struggle was with making and breaking habits, Candice admitted that consistency – or lack thereof – was where she struggled most.

Consistency is an essential part of habit-formation, especially when you’re starting something new. With inconsistency, it can be tough to see the progress you’re making and the momentum is a lot slower without consistency.

This obstacle is where I encourage my clients to pull out all the bells and whistles – literally. Set timers, alarms, reminders, triggers, and cues in your environment to prompt your new habit/behaviour.

Mark the calendar, or tracker every time you complete the action. Ramp up check-ins with your accountability partner, hire a coach, build out an attainable plan, and/or scale back before you grow the habit.

The go-big-or-go-home method is trash, and tiny steps forward over time will bring you closer to your goals faster. Take it from a Healthy Habit Mentor, no one goes big and makes it to the finish line, you’ve got to start small and then allow the habit to grow or multiply.

[17:36] Obstacle #9: Unrealistic Expectations

Speaking of going big or going home, this actually brings me to the last obstacle I want to share which is, unrealistic expectations.

I see this the most with clients who set out for big goals and new behaviours. Like reading 10 pages a day, or waking up 2 hours earlier than they do now, or writing a book by next week.

These unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, making it more challenging to stick to healthy habits or break bad ones. It’s a vicious cycle of going around and around without learning the lessons. We can’t keep doing the same things over and over again and expect a different result. Some would call that insanity.

So what can we do?

Set realistic goals and expectations
Remember that change takes time, and that there will be ups and downs throughout the journey
Celebrate the progress after each step, and along the way
Build the foundation of your new behaviours, routines, and rituals and grow them from there

Another community member, Jana, shared “I want the instant results! And if I’m not getting them, I’m over it.” When I’m working with a client who feels this same way, we scale back BIG TIME. We make the habit as tiny as possible and we really highlight the celebration/reward at the end of that tiny habit. Completing small actions, and achieving these small wins over and over again is going to level-up Jana’s confidence and we can really build our habit from there making the goal bigger as our confidence and ability grow.

Which of these obstacles really hit home for you? How will you show up for yourself in your new habits, or how will you overcome the obstacles of your bad habits?

Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or share with me in a DM on instagram @vallavignelife

If you love this show, please subscribe wherever you’re consuming, and let’s do this again next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!