E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude

Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to share a conversation from a lovely friend who has been impacted by the work that we've done together in creating one simple habit.

Rubani was searching for something more, something better in her life that would help her move from the space of negativity, pain and inaction, something that would break this pattern and bring success to her life.…

[00:30] Valerie: I've asked Rubani to share her story and experience with her healthy habits as a way to encourage the listener to consider how you could also shift one thing in your own daily life to elevate your energy.

So I have to ask, what were you feeling or where were you at in your life, let's say, before working together.

[1:23] Rubani: Plainly put, I think I was in a place that you could describe as lost. I felt like I felt like I was, you know, I want to say I ran out of options, but I felt like I didn't even know what my options were because I just felt very stuck in the mindset that I was in and I was just so scared of trying anything because everything. Everything felt like it was, you know, giving me nothing.

It almost felt like everything I was trying was failing for me. so I kind of got into this mindset of Oh, why try if it's if it's not going to turn out, you know, you want to be hopeful but at the same time if that's sort of what the pattern

That being created in your life has been showing you it's, you really do get discouraged but you so it was a very hard mindspace to be in because you feel very down in the dumps, if you will, because if you really just you lose hope you have no almost no faith. It's no matter how much someone tells you, you know, it's going to get better or you know, all the pleasantries if you will, you just you just, you just don't know how to find that. That hope and find that light but yeah.

[2:52] Valerie: What was one of the things that you tried that didn't work?

Rubani: What was one of the things I tried that didn't work?

Honestly, simply thinking more positively. I think even just something as simple as that and feel fruitful at the time. And you know, it really just ended up being down the line, you know, a constant effort in changing your mindset and in trying to be as hopeful as possible, but it was it was like I was letting every, every little thing that went wrong. or interpreting the things that went wrong as just a total like, you know, total failure like an example of just, you know, no, no hope available anywhere was just very, very difficult so yeah I don't know if that answers the question.

Valerie: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like there's a lot of suggestions to be more positive and to keep moving forward and try something. And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: Yeah. I appreciate you. You know, sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening would also walk can also relate. I know that I've felt that way before and I also am very happy to say that you trusted me. You trusted me and tried something new and offered a creative solution. So let us know what habit we work on together? What do we create together?

[4:29] Rubani: So this is where it was so wild to me because I and I've told you this before, but you know, I will never forget that day when we were sort of just chatting about, you know, what was happening in my life and my, I don't want to call it an inability to make myself sound weak. But you know, I really did feel like I was unable to, to think anything other than, you know, oh, I'm destined for like a downfall in my mentality and my growth and all that stuff. And it's just so funny how you know, you hear people say bring it back to the basics, make it simple, keep it simple, etc, etc. And hearing you that day sitting across from me just saying, You know what, just think of one good thing that happened today. You don't even have to make it sound big by making it like a laundry list of things. Or having it be three things or two things. One simple thing. One good thing that happened there. Remember just sitting there and thinking about it and being like oh, wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. I didn't wake up with the pain that disables me from continuing with my day.

And I know how bad it has been in the past and I still live with back pain. I got chronic back pain, but the point is that day you know, it just allowed me to not worry about this one thing that sort of, I found took a little bit of control of my my mental health and all that but it was just understanding in that moment that you know, there's one thing there's one thing that happened that was good was enough to you know, to understand that you know you are you are able to have good in your life.

You just have to really, sometimes you do have to look for it. But sometimes it's already there. And you just have to sort of do a little bit of scraping and be like, oh, yeah, it was sitting right beside me. Cool. Okay.

[6:33] Valerie: Yeah, I think what's so wild as you said, about this is that you know, all the things that weren't working for you or the positivity like shift to a positive mindset change into this positive way of thinking and it's not that simple and yet it is at the same time. It's, it's reworking it for you because really what we were doing simplified is we were creating a gratitude practice for you, a daily gratitude practice. And my question for you is, what, what made it work for you or what did we do or you do to really make that work for you? So can you take us through like, what that looked like? Yes, I asked you that one day, but moving forward from there, what happened the next day when I wasn't sitting across from you?

[7:17] Rubani: Well, I think at that moment, I realized how, you know, simple it was to just sit and reflect. It's not first of all, it's not easy, but in that moment, I think something just clicked for me and I realized how easy it was to just sit and reflect and understand. You know, something as small seemingly small to someone else and maybe even to me sometimes, as as you know, your back not hurting versus, hey, I applied for five jobs today or I you know, climbed Everest like, No, something as small as that can count as progress can't count as success. So I think in that moment, when I realized that you can just, you know, it's that simple to to reflect and be grateful for something it was like, Oh, this can work. There's so much around me that I can be grateful for, you know, at that point, it was like, okay, the gates opened, you know, you can't stop. So, I think upon your suggestion, you know, I started writing, writing it down, and I've always been a fan of, you know, tangible ways of making ourselves, you know, really retain information and learning. And it's funny, because I've done that in the past I found hadn't worked for me, but again, I think it was just understanding and realizing in that moment how simple it was.

Made me want to do it even more, but it was just because I think and it's not because it was simple. It was because it was simple. And I realized how it could work for me was what made me want to pursue it more. And it you know, the thing is, it's very it I don't know if it's individualistic, but I think it's just I think at the end of the day, it's understanding what works for you, but I just was able to sit down and be like, Okay, I at the end of the day will write down if not just one thing to, if not okay, if not five things. Let's write down one thing or two things that were good, but then it grew from there. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to have warm socks. I'm really glad I had a rain jacket today. silly things like that. But it just allowed me to have honestly more pep in my step and I remember like, reflecting three months, four months, five months, six months, whatever, you know, after being in that initial space and just genuinely being shocked at the amount of progress I made. It's like it happened. I was very intentional with it at the beginning of course, but it's like then it's sort of working on a subconscious level. And it really took me by surprise when I when I was again reflecting and understanding what the change I had made. It was truly like a three like a 360 change in peace.

[10:00] Valerie: Don't tell us too much about it, because that's gonna be my next question for you. But I did want to touch on one of the things that you said kind of throughout the conversation that has really been about how before you were really looking outside of your environment and your situation and looking for change and looking for something that you know wasn't there like you had to create something to make things better. And what we did was, yes, it does fall under the umbrella, the umbrella of positivity and positive thinking, but instead of looking outside or changing something and having to make something happen, what you did instead was you looked at what you already have exactly what was good about what your day gave you or what are you experienced in this time or in this moment. And it was cool to watch you because I remember sitting there across from you and I remember thinking like oh my goodness, like there's just a cloud over your head with a gray cloud and it felt heavy. That's the best way I could describe it. And as soon as you took a moment it took like, I mean, this is like split seconds that happened in what's one thing what's one good thing that happened today, not like what are you grateful for? Right because I write down your gratitude journal. I say it all the time. But yeah, you're in a way that works for us. Right. So what's one good thing that happened to you today? And I could see it was cheesy as it sounds. It was like the clouds parted.

And the sun was shining through you're like oh my god, like but it was like a light bulb instead of the sunshine, you know? Yeah. Wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. And it was this literal, energetic shift. And if people could see right now how I'm I'm kind of like hunched over feeling kind of heavy in their shoulders and then all of a sudden, it was like you grew taller, and you're just and you're like, wait a second, and all of a sudden, that positivity that everybody was talking to you about it. It really puts you into a new perspective. And that's what was so powerful about that moment, and then even more powerful about the work that you did on your own. Which leads me to my final question for you, which is, what results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit? So you were telling us about three months down the road?

[12:33] Rubani: Honestly, I think one of the biggest things and I think I always had this in my mind, you know before because I never really felt like I fit a mold and I don't think anyone really does and I don't think anyone should be into either, but for me, I think it just allowed me to redefine what I looked at as success and progress. And moving away from you know, the generalized, standardized ways that we have been conditioned to, you know, accept ourselves as successful and in showing progress and I think in in redefining the things that I looked at, as you know, as making me grateful and having me feeling thankful it was I think it was it was just coming to I think it gave me peace in many ways because and I kind of wanted to add this before but you know, sometimes it's even in things not working out the way that you want is exactly what you need to have happen for your progress. And that can be looked at as success that can be looked at as progress. I mean, you know, someone from the outside can look in, and sometimes even yourself can be like, Oh, but it should have worked out this way for me to be successful. But, that's not true. But sometimes, sometimes it's not working out of something that brings you peace. I think the biggest thing that you know this taught me is just redefining and reconditioning. I think my way of accepting how I looked at myself as successful and progressing in life. And, you know, today for example, I did a little bit of cleaning in one area of my room and we won't get into this too much, but it's been put off for a long time. But the second I did that I felt I felt so much better. I felt successful to a certain degree. I woke up an hour before this morning. In the last, let's say two to three weeks. To meet that was successful, you know, little things here and there. And that's really what it's all about. Because I think we've been and I think it's completely fair to do is to to look at the bigger picture and look at Hey, you know, now I'm making XYZ amount of dollars versus this that I was five years ago that successful or you know you have a house you have this typical as much as I hate to say it but typical things that you know, we've been told to look at to be like a if you have this you're successful, you don't have this you're not and having that people will still ask you those questions today to to you know, sort of check off in their minds if they find you that way. That way being successful or not, but that doesn't matter. How do you see yourself and I think the biggest thing it's taught me also is how to rely on myself to understand I'm the only one who can give myself this self worth. I'm the only one who can, you know, allow myself to see the world the way that I want to. I'm the one who can make that change.

And that change doesn't have to be grand. It can be small and then it grows from there. And it can take time. It doesn't have to be done in, you know, five minutes. It can take a week but you still get there and it's coming. It's also about letting go a little bit.

So yeah, it's honestly incredible sometimes I'm just in disbelief that you know this mindset even has taken a new home in my head but it has and it's great.

And you know what not every day is perfect like you know life life happens and challenges are thrown at you and you know sometimes you are you wonder sometimes you wonder like if you'll ever be back at the same place you were and sometimes you might not be and sometimes you will but I think I think the work that's been done has been done a for a reason, but it's always going to be with you and you know when I find myself in those moments of you know what, maybe I'm not as stressed and I'm not feeling as great about myself or I am feeling better sorry about myself. I just can feel that openness to let in the joy and let the gratefulness and thankfulness into my life. it is just there. and it's there for a reason because the work was put in the work.

[17:12] Valerie: And I think to like when you say putting the work in what people might be hearing I mean, the actor is so incredible, like you've learned so many things about yourself and what brings you joy and satisfaction in your life. Yes, the work that you put in was such a small habit, such a minor thing that could take one out a day. It was a fact that you stayed consistent with it. I think what's so powerful about this particular habit is that when you are recognizing and measuring the things that make you happy, that bring you joy, that bring you satisfaction, that light up your life that you're grateful for without even knowing it. So subconsciously, you're elevating your own energy and you're calling more things to satisfy you, more things to be attracted to and then you start to discover, you get to define success. you get to redefine success, not how other people see it, but how you see it, how you want to be remembered, recognize things that matter to you. And I think that in itself is so powerful, so there were so many different things that came from this. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us today. I really appreciate it.

Rubani: Of course! Thank you for having me.

[18:29] Valerie: Well, there you have it. I'm so excited to share this story with you because I feel like a lot of us have felt this flow before, a lot of us have felt this lost feeling and not really sure what to do and that kind of toxic positivity or even just genuine positivity just doesn't feel like enough. And sometimes the answer is simple. It's just not the right fit for us. So how can we customize the things that are meaningful? How can we find meaning in what we already have?

I know I talk about gratitude practices all the time. And if you heard from a previous client and guest, Jennifer

Episode #159 This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

But same thing with Jenny Jenny had her own customized gratitude practice. They think this is something that's so powerful and so underutilized. And trust me when I say when I first heard about gratitude practices, I roll my eyes, but I tried it. I said you know what? It's like the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. You have to try it out. You have to know if it's right for you and how you can make it yours. For me. A gratitude practice was only going to work if it was a dot jot. format on my notes app on my phone. For Rubani it was one small thing, one thing a day. And for Jennifer we had three separate kinds of customized questions to answer that we're all coming back to gratitude. So tap into what you need and what resonates with you as you listen to the show today. Maybe just take a moment to close your eyes and breathe into what gratitude feels like for you. It could be a person, a place, a thing, a moment, an experience , a memory.

Or it could just be that you're grateful for being in this place and for us being connected because I know that I share it and thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.

Let me know that you're listening to the show by taking a screenshot of today's episode and posting it on social media where you can take me on Instagram @vallavignelife I'd love to see what you're up to and what you're grateful for. And I hope to connect with you very soon.

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!