E111: Create Habits Based on Your Core Values
E111: Create Habits Based on Your Core Values with Deanna Frances
A new spin on core values, and how you can really leverage them this New Years, featuring podcast host; now guest: Deanna Frances…
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[0:29] Valerie LaVigne: You're listening to the women's empowerment podcast. Today I am super excited because I get to welcome Deanna Francis to the show. Deana spent 12 years bouncing around from job to job seeking more fulfillment, looking for purpose, she allowed others opinions and their limiting beliefs to guide her decisions. Deanna knew deep in her soul that she had so much more to offer the world than the confinement of the cubicle walls. Now Deana helps others stop conforming to society's norms, thinking they need to pick just one idea, and have one passion, and master, one thing. She encourages trying things and learning how to move and learning how to move on when they no longer serve you.
Deanna Welcome to the show I'm so excited to have you here. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to dive in and chat with you.
So Deanna and I met kind of through a mutual friend in a previous guest on the show so we were really excited when we started to connect to learn more about each other and how we have very similar values and beliefs.
I'm really excited to have her on the show I feel like Deanna You're such a valuable teacher because you've lived this really cool kind of brave and empowering of life, and I know that we've said a little bit about your, your journey in the intro, and how we kind of get to, to break through the norms right you encourage us to break through those norms and to not have to pick one idea and I feel like, personally, this is something that I struggle with a little bit, so many ideas I've seen many passions for a long time. I really believed that I needed to pick just one.
Do people tell you that all the time?
[2:27] Deanna Frances: You know, I always kind of knew that my brain work differently. I'm in my late 30s. So, like, the Nomad life and the trying different things and having multiple careers wasn't really my, you know, age bracket I think it's more acceptable now in the early 20s and the millennials, But, yeah, for me, I always kind of, I just tried things and when they didn't feel right anymore I moved on and I got a lot of pushback in the corporate world right like my family was okay with it they encouraged my imagination and my curiosity and exploring things but in the, in the work world and in my profession is where I got a lot of pushback and we can dive into that a little bit more but yeah I really do I encourage people to try things and to really listen to that whisper of the curiosity, because it's there for a reason and there's a reason that something strikes your curiosity versus strike, my curiosity, and that's what makes these conversations and society so amazing is because we're not all triggered by the same things, you know.
[3:42] VL: Yes, absolutely I've definitely felt those like polls in those callings and they feel so out of alignment with what I think I should be doing, and I feel like when you think you should be doing something like should is a swear word in my mind. Stop shoulding yourself is what I keep telling people and myself as well. But what I want to know is, when we feel that calling and when it's going against the norms of society or our family. What is it that we can do to really come back into our alignment of what works for us, and not conforming to just society or our family's ideas?
[4:23] DF: I think that is a perfect segway to start talking about core personal values, because those are your guiding principles and when you're not living in alignment with your values and what's important to you, you're gonna feel that resistance, and that shooting on yourself it's funny because I say the same thing I have a whole episode about not shitting on yourself.
I'm right there with you but I think that's when we get that resistance from really feeling like we're stepping into our own and living our truest version of ourselves is when we're going against our core personal values, and just to kind of give you a little background from my corporate life I attended you know multiple seminars and they were always talking about how these companies would have mission statements and core values you know integrity and customer service and all the things and I'm like, what about the people like why aren't they teaching the people how to, how to discover their own personal values because you know that's the basis of everything that we're doing is what's most important to us and it doesn't mean that you know you shun somebody for them having their values, they're just different and that's okay.
[5:41] VL: Yes, I definitely know what you're saying with kind of the big picture is great for the business but it's the people who make the business what it is. So, how do we discover our core values, how do we get that clarity on, on what our core values are?
DF: Yes, so I can provide you with a link to a guide that I have, but I'll walk you through briefly the three steps so I call it 1) Choose 2) Define and 3)Align. And so I have a list of about 100 common and I put that in air quotes common values that people would choose. And so I tell people to spend about three to five minutes, and just go with your gut, your first intuition circle, the words that stand out to you, the ones that you go I cannot imagine my life without that I need that in my life that's extremely important to me, and there's going to be overlap words you know like honesty and trust those are very similar. Right.
And then the next step is where you combine those overlap words to really define your core values and I tell people to choose between three and five as their guiding principles when they're making decisions. And the cool thing is is you get to define it. So let's say, you know, creativity is a value of yours, I'm gonna have a different definition than you, which is cool. I love that part of it, and then the alignment piece is to start making small decisions based on those three to five values that you've defined for yourself. And once you start using those to make small decisions in your life, like, even your next vacation, which might not be a small decision to somebody, but let's just say a weekend getaway. Start using your core values to decide where you want to go. Who do you want to be with. Why do you want to go? And then once you start using it on those smaller decisions again air quotes, then you start to incorporate them into major decisions like, you know, quitting your job starting a business starting a podcast whatever those, those larger things in your life are.
[7:52] VL: I really, I've never really heard about it in those three steps but I like how you've broken them down. I've definitely seen those lists I know that I've I've I've had those resources on my, my pages and my podcasts as well with this is like a variety of words you can choose, but it's also important to you know to pull from outside of the box write what feels good for us and leaning into that, that feel good feeling.
And then it's true, right because defining creativity for you is definitely going to be different for me and not something that I actually learned this year, one of my core values is adventure. And I'd like to travel and traveling has changed a little bit.
So, instead of you know these big trips or I'm on a plane and I'm leaving the country or the province. I've tried different things in like a local area so my partner and I went through top tracking which I've never done before I don't know if you've dropped it on this, but it's basically like zip lining and tree climbing and rock climbing, and it's like an obstacle course, it was so much fun. And it was like an afternoon that we spent together the two of us. It was tons of adventure tons of laughs like exercise activity all the things, and it was great.
So I think the definite like the defining piece to those three steps is so important because it also helps us see where we can align, like you said, the core values into our lives and I really like how you said, using not to make smaller decisions, because it is kind of closer to the new year and we're starting to think about goals and resolutions and part of me just wants to like, shake it off if someone says like what are your New Year's resolutions because what even our new year's resolutions, I think we should start a new trend of redefining our core values at the beginning of every year and then aligning them in our daily lives. I feel like we just started something brand new.
[10:00] DF: We did, and not we should we're going to are going to you cannot meet. And you know I'm gonna I'm gonna circle back real quick on your adventure because I also have adventure, as a core value of mine, which isn't surprising that that's common, you know, for us, but I define it as soaking in wherever you're at so whether that's nature its architecture its food and sitting in the chaos, or sitting in the stillness like all of that is adventure to me and to give you a real life example of how I incorporate adventure into my daily routine. If I have a longer commute than normal.
You know to go see a client or something. I'll pop into a new coffee shop on my way, I'll take a different route than I normally would take I'll stop at, you know a place for a smoothie and just sit there for 20 minutes without my phone and just enjoy everything. And so, to give the listener you know a tangible thing that they can think about themselves is those adventure isn't these big grand, you know airplane trips to another country like you were just mentioning sometimes they are you know smaller adventures with whatever society right now allows us to do so. I'm glad that you mentioned that. And yes, let's talk about this fresh start for the new year with defining the values.
So yeah, I think it's I think it's extremely important to do it every year I actually do I reevaluate my reevaluate mine twice a year. Personally, and I've had the same. I've had three core values, the same for five years, And I've revolved in if that's the right word to say two different ones each time I redo them.
[11:57] VL: That's really cool and I think it's important for people to remember that the core values can change. I know when I first started learning about them I'm like, Well, now my core values are this, but then, last year my core values were this and remember we're humans we're always growing we're always changing, we're always learning, and as we expand our core values are going to expand and change, and we'll, they will re evolve and evolve.
That's really cool and I think it's important for people to remember that the core values can change. I know when I first started learning about them I'm like, Well, now my core values are this, but then, last year my core values were this and remember we're humans we're always growing we're always changing, we're always learning, and as we expand our core values are going to expand and change, and we'll, they will re evolve and evolve.
[12:53] DF: That's a really good question. I don't think I've ever been asked that question and it's it's challenging for me to answer because I know it internally, so I'm going to try to explain it the best way that I can is, I feel like your intuition, are you follows your value system, and you have this guide with you, 24 seven right which is your intuition following your value system and as you mentioned they changed. So, so two habits, as we evolve and we grow. Um, so I think for me, having my values, multiple places throughout my house and just kind of reiterating them throughout the day, helps me keep those habits. So again I'm, I'm a real life example kind of person so personal development is a core value of mine. Now every single morning, I make sure that I do something that is expanding my brain. Now, I've just, I just completed 60 days of meditation five minutes every morning I never thought I would ever call myself a meditator right and here I am, I feel like an expert now.
But that was a habit that I decided to create for my own personal growth and personal development. So, just having that in the forefront of my brain, as I'm going through my day, really helps my habits form to those values, which again are my intuition my intuition told me try this meditation thing again Deanna you haven't been able to do it your practice is kind of sucking. Just try this and so I listened right I listened to that whisper because I quieted all the outside noise. Does that answer the question I know it's kind of a long winded answer.
VL: Yeah, I think that was great I think it was a really great example as well because we're, we're tapping into. Okay. What does that feel good spot where is my intuition leading me, and when you said personal development, I thought of something very different. My intuition took me into reading and books and following those mentors that I always think about. And it's funny because about, I think last year I was really into and very consistent with reading for a long time I would also do podcasts, and then at one point, I just felt like I needed to put the books down, and I needed to stop absorbing that information of what other people were saying, and start taking action for myself. And I actually haven't read. I don't think I've read a book this year. No, that's not true. I don't think I read personal development book this year, which is crazy for me because that would have been. But again, it's not changed for me, and a saturating example of how we can tap into our intuition for people who have a little bit more of like a monkey mind or a little bit restless. What are some other ways that we can tap into our intuition?
[15:58] That is so that's such a good question too because I am the monkey mind I don't know if you're familiar with the inia Graham but I'm a, I'm a seven, which is the enthusiast and it's like, I am on to the next best thing. You know the second my mind can go that way. And so yeah, other ways to calm that monkey mind, I have found journaling is huge. And I'll do a brain dump. Every morning, every single morning I get out whatever was on my mind from that night before. I'll even do like to do list my journaling. I'm not strict on it I just journal. And so that one's big you set aside for meditation. I find that I am able to do walking meditation.
And I don't even know if, if I would call it, meditation, but just getting out in the fresh air and depending on where you live what part of the country or what country you're in. I live in Arizona. So, we have pretty good weather all year round but if I'm just in one of those news I just can't calm my mind, I just go step outside even if I just sit in the sun on my back patio for 10 minutes and just like chill out and I think that's another thing with society and the society norms, it's like if you're not go go go. You're falling behind. You're stagnant. Right. But the more time I give myself to chill to hit the reset and to relax and take time for myself, the more productive I become, and the less monkey mind I am so it's like it's so opposite of what you would think right.
[17:39] VL:It is a little bit especially because we're told about, you know, you have to go You have to be busy like people were busy like a badge. And when I catch myself replying to somebody says hey how's it going, what are you been up to. I and I catch myself saying, I'm so busy, like and I really am very busy, but people are like oh well that's good and I always, I stopped that right then and there is a no it's not really good. I don't like being this busy productive obviously is amazing, but I know that when I'm telling people that like oh I'm really busy or I see my calendar is just like back to back to back. I know that I'm not scheduling in that that reset that self care, those daily habits that help me, align so that I can be a better person so that I can enter my zone of genius so that I can get hold of the things done. And I feel like those are little cues and information from our body, because intuition, for me anyway, isn't just sitting and breathing or walking and feeling calm because I do also have a monkey mind. Sometimes it's just like, really interrupting the day to day, dizziness, right, whether it's like a midday bath, which I think we're going to have today, or a midday walk if you're not someone who is doing that.
Just little things that interrupt that daily habit and then also the noise of other things going on like stop the scroll. You know what I mean?
[19:00] DF: Yeah it is finding that noise and I, I say it's not necessarily the outside voices, it's our internal voices and I think that's my biggest takeaway I just recorded an episode on this on my 60 days that five minutes of meditation which some people might sound so silly but I'm so proud of it like knowing my monkey mind can do it. What I found is that I'm able to stop myself in the middle of a repetitive negative thought. And that to me was like, Whoa, that's what they're all these gurus these meditation gurus are talking about when they say stay in the present moment it's recognizing that thought. And having the the bandwidth to to shift, and to think of something different and saying to yourself like is this serving me, is this going to benefit my relationship, my, you know, professional endeavor whatever it is that you're thinking about And if the answer is like no this isn't benefiting me it's not positive, then you have the ability to change it and I think that that that's just so huge and powerful, but it goes back to what's important to you. Right, it all goes back to those values and. And why do you want to do this and I want to I want to bring something up real quick while it while I'm still on this value thing, you know, going back to like, I don't want to say I don't value my family, because it might sound bad but value family is not a value of mine, but it is for a lot of people that I talked to. So in the morning, if that is a value of yours to circle back how you can like add this to your, your daily routine.
Get up 1015 minutes earlier, wake your kids up 1015 minutes earlier and have breakfast with them. Ask them what they're most excited about for the day. Right. So those are the little things that people aren't really necessarily thinking about they're like, I value my family that means I'm going to work really really freaking hard for my family and to provide and to do all these things and it's like, just back it up a little bit. So as you start this new year and you're laying your foundation just think of things like that like your morning is how you're setting your entire day, which is setting your week and your months and on and on so yeah like figure out what those values are and then start using them on the daily.
[21:37] VL: I love that you, you said foundation because, really, this is an opportunity for us to live out this new year with our core values as that foundation and allowing us to really simplify that, especially in the beginning, especially if this is new to to anyone listening and it's like oh core values I never really thought of this before, or how to implement it.
I would say for myself I want to practice, I'm going to practice this for this new year is that I'm going to lay out my core values. I'm going to create the little daily habits to align with them, but I also want to reevaluate that what's working, what's not working, maybe a couple months in three months in every quarter just kind of like you said you do it twice a year. I wouldn't mind like adding to that habit or stacking the habit. With this new, but this foundation of what I've defined as my adventure, my family, my whatever the habit or the core value is part of me. I love that and congratulations for doing 60 days, non stop of meditation. That is huge.
DF: It really is. Thank you for not for not letting me discount that, because it is it was a big deal for me, because I yeah I've tried for four years I've had insight timer on my phone for probably two or three years and I've used it. 50 times maybe and just haven't been able to stay consistent so yeah yeah that was a big deal and I want to touch on, on, I think I mentioned earlier that I have my values like everywhere I have them plastered everywhere. What I mean by that is like my phone my desktop my laptop, you know my fridge. But I'm glad you said what you just said because even taking one value, a week, let's say, so you get your three to five whatever it is if you have seven that's cool too. Not a big deal, but taking one, and that entire week, focusing on one thing, a day that you're going to incorporate that value into your life.
And do I mean you could do a month of personal development, you could do a day of adventure like whatever is gonna work for you. But experiment that's what's fun about it is it's like it's your definition is your value and you get to incorporate it however you want.
VL: You know, I think that is so great. I'm so glad that you mentioned that and I do have a question about your, your meditation because you said you've tried it several times, what do you think changed. This time, that you were able to stick with it for 60 days?
[24:17] DF: That is a great question. You are so good at this. You are so good at these questions, which is why you're a podcast host. So I got rid of all the pressure. I didn't intend to do it for 60 days. My friend was doing it within site timer with this five minute feature that you could do with three minutes, five minutes whatever you could set the time. And she had done it for 30 days and I thought, huh. I'm just going to do it for seven, because I know myself, I know if I put so much pressure and I tried doing this 30 days. It just feels so restrictive that I give up at day five and I'm like I can't do it. You know I've done that so many times on various things like I can't even tell you. And, yeah, once I let go of the. Alright, I stopped putting the pressure on myself, I should say, is when seven days turned into 14 and I was like oh, I'll just go another seven. So I broke it down into smaller increments.
[25:18] VL: That's so helpful and we're starting to implement an align these core values. What do you think would be some other kind of roadblocks or limiting beliefs or things like that that would hold us back, how can we can we overcome those and we're aligning our core values?
DF: worrying about what other people are gonna think that's a huge one. And if you're listening, and you're thinking already like, oh, what if I put this one thing as my value what's my family gonna think or my co workers or whatever and it's like, the more you show up for yourself and understand what is driving your decisions, big and small, the better you're going to be for those people in your life. So I think that's a major roadblock that people have because I before COVID I would host workshops on exactly what we're talking about is defining and aligning the values. And that was one question like I would give is like, or they would talk about their husband or their significant other like sure I like this or I value this but they don't like that's why they're personal to you, and I recommend people do them for themselves. This guy. You do it your significant other does it, and then you see where there's overlap. And that's what my boyfriend and I did we realize we have so many differences, but we have one that is super important to us and it's an adventure. So that's one roadblock that people have another roadblock is, like you said, I think, is people overcomplicate it, it's like simplify it, you know, um, and I think the guide will really help because I talk about how to use overlap words, there's a lot of people like oh I have like these 20 words and they're also similar What do I do and it's like, pick one. Just pick one and define it, and you can change it in a week if it doesn't feel good. Like you keep going back to that feeling right. It doesn't feel good in a week. You can change it, it's your value that's totally fine.
VL: Yeah, those are really good I'm glad that you mentioned the worrying about what other people think, too, because a lot of the times when we start something new that really lights us up and is in alignment with what feels good for us, what we're actually doing is giving other people permission to do the same. And more often than not, they're inspired by what we're doing, versus threatened by it, or confused by it, or a little bit, they usually people don't think that we're radical for bettering ourselves. I mean, obviously, not everyone is in the same alignment or doesn't have the same core values but it also doesn't have to be a very extreme habit or a very extreme new way that we're living at our lifestyles, it could be like journaling, that's a really private thing that, you know, you're taking your time to journal, no one has to read your journal if you don't want them to. It doesn't have to be like everyone isn't around in the circle journaling together. That's a huge thing. It's a private thing for you to do so. But I think those points are really good because there are so many things in our mind that could hold us back. I know that I like to complicate things for sure. 60 days? Let's do it for a year.
[28:38] DF:Exactly, exactly what I'm talking about I mean you hit the nail on the head, and I in that guide that I'm going to provide the link for and you'll you'll add to the show notes, I'm sure.
I talked about the feelings that you're tying to these values and so, just to touch on that real quick.
I like to, I like to have people think of something that made them mad recently like what pissed you off what frustrated you and where did you feel it in your body, did your shoulders get tired your stomach get a knock your face was all heated up, and then opposite to that, what happened when your husband unloaded the dishwasher without a us gain I mean it's something seems so small, but you felt so good. Where did you feel that you felt light right like your shoulders became less tense your stomach felt good you just felt good. And so as you're going through defining your core values. That's what I want people to tie those values to when I say like imagine your life without this theme, like take adventure away we all kind of had that taken away from us during the beginning of COVID, we found ways to get creative. Right. But if you imagine your life without that theme like, what does that make you feel like and where do you feel that in your body, and then that again going back to using this on the daily on a daily basis is you're trying to get away from the things that make you feel crappy and move towards the things that make you feel good, and that to me is pretty quite the alignment.
[30:16] VL: Yeah, absolutely. Our bodies are really incredible things where they're constantly communicating with us they're constantly giving us information about what's good, what's not good for us. And I feel like when we're so caught up in the mind and we're so caught up, especially the monkey minds. We lose touch with that physical with those physical signals that we're getting all the time. All the time. So I really yeah I'm really glad you said that and I will link the guide. And, as well as your information in the show notes page, which is available at Valerie levine.com forward slash Deanna EAA and so it's really easy to find, for your listeners today. Speaking of finding you. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business.
[31:07] DF: Thank you. Well, I am most active on Instagram, gave a Facebook of the beginning of 2020, because it was just too much to try to keep, keep track of it all so add lean into curiosity is my handle for Instagram, that's also my podcast. So on there, on my bio there is a link to my website as well. So, one stop shop Instagrams usually the best place.
[31:33] VL: Amazing. We will include that link too. I feel like today was such a great episode I feel like the entire thing was a one big juicy nugget. It's like one of those. One of those that nesting dolls called. I feel like we opened one juicy nugget. And then the next and then the next and you just keep opening it and it's all these little takeaways.
I feel like we can start, we can start anywhere, especially with just choosing those three to five core values and getting started with this new year. Fresh Start which I feel like everyone needs.
DF: I said that to somebody the other day I was like, Ah, you know we're all looking forward to New Year's like yeah well we were all looking forward to 2022, I was like, stop it. Don't say that.
VL: Just cover your ears La la la la. Oh my god. But you know what, that just I feel like it just brings us back into the present more and more. When we don't over plan or overthink or overlook into too much of the future, when we focus on our core values, but they're going to align us to where we need to be because we're getting into that zone of genius we're getting into our feel good spot and things just open up from there. So, this is a this is a great way to start this new adventure, we'll call it.
[32:53] DF: Yes. And, and by understanding your values, too, and living in alignment with them you're going to attract the right people at the right time for the right reasons. And that's been my motto through all of this cluster we've all been going through together it's just, okay, this is, this is happening. And everything is happening the way that it's supposed to happen.
RAPID FIRE ROUND
1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?
2. What do you love most about being a woman?
I love having a cycle that I can follow and understanding what's happening to my hormones throughout my cycle, and using that to my advantage, there's times where you're more productive. Because your estrogen is higher, there's times where you're more internal because your estrogen is lower, and I have been obsessed with thinking my cycle for three years now, and I think. Yeah, having the emotions I feel like sometimes as women we're like, taught to kind of push them down and really leaning into those emotions is huge. So, I have a weird answer.
3. What does “empowerment” mean to you?
Giving people, and yourself permission to be authentic.
4. What are you currently working toward?
I am working towards. Six Figure business with multiple revenue streams. And so I recently I think we met, I mentioned this before we hit record I have a podcast management company, and I'm an a consultant and I have the podcast myself. And so I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket and so that's what I'm working towards I'm working towards really being creative and everything that I do and having these multiple pieces and then tying them all together, I just that excites me.
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
