E168: Building Trust with Yourself: From Timid to Confident Series

A new style than our usual podcast format. I, Valerie LaVigne, am being interviewed. In this From Timid to Confident Summit I share the FULL version of my story.

Thank you Coach Kasia Bradford for holding space and allowing me to share this journey I am on…

[02:03] Kasia Bradford: Hi, everyone, welcome to from timid to confidence series. I am so excited to introduce you to our guests today. But before we get started My name is Kasia Bradford and I am the host of the series. The series for those of you who are collecting situations that are no longer serving you, and you are ready for your next app level, that big decision you really want to make. But you don't quite feel confident enough to be here.

So the series will bring you amazing stories from amazing people who also were in that spot. At one point in their life. And they will share with you how they tapped into their confidence and allow themselves to make bold moves that have been thriving today. It is our vision that by the end of the series, you will step into your power and make the power decisions that will allow you to create the life that you want to live. So without further ado, I am so excited to introduce our guest today Valerie LaVigne. It's incredible to have you here.

[03:07] Valerie LaVigne: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be part of this summit. This is amazing and I'm very grateful that that you invited me on and that you're doing this because I think it's gonna be really powerful for people.

KS: Yay. We're super proud. Like I said, Valerie, you've got healthy habit mentoring podcaster and I will turn it over to you. Please introduce yourself and share a little bit about your background and what you're up to right now.

VL: Sure, I'd love to so I just said I am Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor. Basically what that means is I help women who are making an impact prioritize their health and their wellness without adding to their already busy schedules because let's be honest, we're all very busy right now.

And I do this so that people can feel great in their body and really show up powerfully for the people who are depending on them. And as you said I'm also a podcaster and I host the Women's Empowerment Podcast. This is all about health and wellness. and happiness. and each week there's a new story or a new little mini training to inspire you and motivate you to take action towards your own goals and your own habits and your own lifestyle.

KS: Awesome.

Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and kind of how you got into doing what it is that you're doing?

[04:00] VL: Yeah, that's a very great question. So my kind of story I guess of how I got to where I am today had to do with a lot of random kinds of situations. But also if I look and trace the common line through it all, it all had to do with health and wellness and just my curiosity for healthy living and yoga. So I'll start very early on which was when I was nine or 10 years old, someone in class said that their dad was able to quit smoking through yoga and meditation. That was the first time I'd ever heard of yoga or meditation before and as soon as they said that I had this really intense I guess gut feeling or just this feeling thinking like I need to know more about this. So I learned a little bit more about yoga and about meditation. And a few years later, I saw that in our local rec center for like there's a Kids program. So yoga for teens, and so I begged my mom to sign me up for it. And every week I did yoga with a bunch of other 12 and 13 year olds and I started practicing yoga and I really liked it. I liked how it made me calm and it helped me focus. I would practice it at home. I'd get up really early to do yoga in my bedroom. It was mostly just like stretching for me at the time. And I didn't really understand the impact that it was making for me in the long run. I just knew that I really loved it and I just had to follow this feeling. And so throughout high school people knew me as the Yoga Girl because I was always doing yoga and we went to a yoga studio and gym class and everyone wanted to kind of put their map beside mine because they knew that I did this in the mornings. And then fast forward to first year university I got really sick. I will be really honest and say that I didn't want to go to university. I didn't want to be a number in a room full of people who I didn't know who you know, I wanted to make a big difference in the world. And I didn't think that university was going to help me get there. I didn't understand how slaving away for four years getting a piece of paper that says that I did that and like going into debt because of it. Anyway, I totally see how people want to do that and they have so much success with it. I just knew that it wasn't for me. I had that gut feeling again that I shouldn't go but I went to see my parents and that first year was really tough for me physically, it didn't matter how much Yoga I was doing or meditation I was doing I got really sick and I had to be hospitalized. And what ended up happening was I convinced my parents that I wanted to defer from university and I went to a local college instead. And when I was back home visiting my parents after I was recovering from being in the hospital, I bumped into a friend from high school and that friend was also coming home for personal reasons. And so we were connecting together and she said, hey, my mom's gonna open a yoga studio in town. I know you're really into yoga, do you want to work there and you can take classes for free? And again, my gut response was like, Yeah, I want to work there and take free yoga classes like are you kidding? So I went to school close to home. I started practicing yoga again in the studio working in the studio getting to know more about yoga. When I had breaks I would read the books that we had in the little boutique store that was at the studio. I learned more about the philosophy of it and just like again, diving into something that really was like sparking something in me and bringing you joy. And then eventually that job turned into an opportunity to become a yoga teacher. They started doing yoga teacher training and again, it was like heck yes, I want to do this. This feels good. And following that feeling and just continuing my yoga practice and learning more. And then believe it or not, I got fired from this job.

After I became a yoga teacher. It's kind of a long story and it's actually really funny looking back on it. So what happened was basically I knew that I wanted to leave the studio because I wasn't growing and I kept feeling this pull to leave and I was so afraid it was like, this is the studio. This is my home studio. This is the studio that gave me yoga teacher training. They gave me this job. They had been my family for many years. But all these things were going wrong and you know, all these different signs are basically like, No, it's time for you. It's time to move forward. It's time to grow like you're stuck in this cage and there's no room, there's no room for me. To grow anymore. But I was so afraid. I was so afraid. Because it was the only thing I knew. And even though there were other yoga studios in the area, I just couldn't. I felt frozen with fear. So anyway, I guess you could say that the owner did me a favor when she fired me because she forced me to leave. So when you asked me how, how do you make these big leaps? Sometimes they're thrust upon you, sometimes they're forced upon you. And in those moments, you can either like, get really upset and you know feel a little bit down and kind of crumble in it. Or you can use it as an opportunity to really expand and grow. And that's what I did. I use it as an opportunity to say all right, well, I got I have literally a clean slate and nothing holding me back. What's next right and just stay really open with that.

Like I said, she kind of did me a favor in the sense that like, I couldn't quit, I was so afraid to leave and so doing this really helped me.

And then what happened was I wanted to work at a studio who said oh, we need our teacher trainers. And I said I don't teach bar but I know someone who does it so I did like this weekend course. And while I was at a studio, learning how to teach barre, the owner of that studio said, Oh, I really like your style of teaching. Do you teach Pilates? And I said, No. And then she said, Do you want to teach Pilates and in my head I thought I don't really like Pilates and I also don't have a job. So I was like Sure. So I said yes to teaching Pilates and to make this long story a little bit faster. I basically fell in love with Pilates learning from this teacher and I loved it so much. And I started to grow in this new way and she gave me new opportunities and I was meeting new people and I was learning more things about this wellness industry. And over time I also felt that the space that I was in was also getting a little too small for me and I wanted to grow again. But this time I wasn't afraid to leave. And that time I saw where I needed to grow and where the limits were in the studio itself. So I you know, I mean years went by and I was starting to learn a little bit more about myself. I was starting to build more confidence in myself and my teaching, knowing that hey, I can teach at multiple studios, hey, I can go off on my own and can do all these things. And so I had a really great conversation with the owner of the studio and I said thank you so much for giving me these opportunities for teaching me Pilates for helping me see that I can jump into things with both feet. And she was really one of those people who were just like, you're going to go in I'm going to teach you Pilates and then you're just going to teach it and I was like what but I don't I've done yoga like since I was a kid and I just started Pilates like how can I be a teacher? And yeah, and so she just was like nope, you're doing it two feet. Here we go. So having mentors like that in my life was really important. And I think what's important to remember too, is that not everyone has a physical mentor in their lives. But if there's someone you really like, whether it's a podcast, host or an author, or someone on Instagram who really inspires you, there's usually free content or very, like low cost content like free course or like small online courses that you can purchase or just consume to really use that person as a mentor and I know I've done that with other people in the past too or I've just listened to like all their podcasts. I read all their books, but there's always going to be mentors and people in your life and I feel like having at least a little bit of that courage and confidence to either reach out to them, send them a DM I really love when people messaged me to say this is the episode I just listened to. I found it so powerful because of this, this, this. I mean part of why people do what they do, especially the women I work with, women like you who are making an impact in the world. Like they want to be seen. They want to be heard, they want to be recognized. And there's always going to be someone like that for you and you're always going to be someone like that for someone else. So just be mindful that people are always people are always watching you and they are going to be inspired by you at one point or another and it's a really powerful and exciting thing. So yeah, so I had this mentor. She was really excited for me when I said I want to do my own thing. I want to go off on my own and not happen in a couple different ways.

The first way as you know was that I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and when I say that people are like, “you did what?!”

So basically, this is a point in my life where the box was getting a little small for me. And what ended up happening was I just loved what I was doing. I love teaching Pilates, but I knew it wasn't sustainable for teach for like three to four week if you're not a Pilates teacher. It might not sound like a lot of classes, but that's a lot of classes. I was also working on an online business that I had at the time I had this really serious relationship with someone who just was not on the same page or certain things and as much as I really cared about this person and I love all my friends here and I love my family and everyone was so supportive. I knew that I wasn't good. I wasn't getting that spark and that excitement for everyday everyday just became repetitive. It was like Groundhog day or every week it was the same, the same the same. And I knew that I needed to be different. I just didn't know what that was. And then this is where it's gonna sound very crazy. Okay, like really crazy. I was meditating one morning and I just had this voice, this feeling this thing came over me I don't even really know what to call it. And I just heard this voice that was like my busy Guess what? So I got up calmly. It was the most bizarre thing. I got up and I went to the computer and I bought a ticket to Guatemala and I will preface by saying that I had heard a lot about Nicaragua. Because I was really interested in learning how to surf. I tried surfing a few times on vacation and I liked it. And Nicaragua was like this cool place that everyone was going to serve. And a few months before I was in this bar with my boyfriend at the time. And then this guy was sitting beside me and they're talking. He was saying that he's a pro surfer. And I was like, oh, like I don't want to be a pro surfer. But I want to surf. And it was around Christmas and I painted. He promised that I was going to be surfing next year at Christmas time and he was like, Yeah, for sure. And then I don't even know who this person is. He probably liked me for being a surfer. But the promise wasn't really to him. It was to myself and I think this is really part of the image of content is starting to build trust with yourself. And starting to do the things you said you were gonna do or you say you're going to do is actually do them.

So I didn't know what this looked like. I just knew that I wanted to serve a Christmas and when I went home at the time, and one of the during kind of stumbling back and I remember that both of us - I don't know like it's just you have this feeling right you have this feeling that like it's just not this isn't the way it's supposed to be. You know, this isn't this isn't how we're supposed to feel like and and so I looked at him and I said I really want to go surfing next Christmas and you could tell that he didn't want to do the same thing as me didn't light him up like it didn't mean so again once I buy and then I was kind of looking into Nicaragua I saw these other countries around Nicaragua, in Guatemala, and I kind of saw like, some people were writing blogs about how they traveled through Central America. And I was like, oh, everything's really close together. Like maybe we'll start at the top and work my way to Nicaragua. So anyway, I bought the ticket to Guatemala. I didn't really know where it was. before this time, like on a map. I was I couldn't I probably couldn't tell you. I didn't speak any Spanish. like I want to do a lingo. and we tried to learn some Spanish.

And then every day I just told myself that this was me following that gut instinct. This was me. Following that fire and that passion that I had felt these other times. And so looking back on the proof of doing yoga when I was a kid and joining the yoga program as a teenager and then falling back into university and college. It was just like all of these really incredible times where I trusted that instinct brought me to something so incredible and powerful in my life that I knew that I had to follow this. I didn't know why. And that was the scariest part. I'm not going to tell you that it was amazing and easy the whole time because it was terrifying. But I will tell you that once I arrived, I bawled my eyes out the day before I left because I was like, What am I doing? This is the craziest thing ever. I just literally left my relationship, my family and my job to to do what to surf. I don't know how to surf. Are you crazy? I didn't know what I was doing. But I was just like, I have to do this because if I stayed, I knew that I would only be repeating this groundhog day over and over and over again. So I went and I'll tell you right now that the day that I landed in Guatemala, I was so happy. I was walking around Antigua which is a small, beautiful, colorful town in Guatemala, just outside the city. And I was filled with joy. I had tears of joy. Like I was so happy and I knew that I was in the right spot as soon as I got there as scary as it was. And I feel like we're kind of brought up in this world to not really trust our instincts and we're taught to follow a certain line and a certain path and check off certain boxes a lot of the time. Those aren't in alignment with what we truly want and like I said, it's not always easy, but learning to build that trust with yourself and learning to really love yourself is something that it's an ongoing thing for me. And when I say that I don't know why I started or went on this trip. I really meant like I didn't know the reason but it always reminds me of this incredible quote by Steve Jobs and I never get the whole thing right but it's something along the lines of You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. And that trip was exactly that. I was there for seven months through Central America. I ended up going down to Costa Rica, turning around and saying no, I need to go back to Guatemala and love Guatemala. I surfed in Costa Rica on Christmas day. and I read a bunch of surfers and I was like Listen, I have this goal. I gotta do it.

I'm not a pro surfer. I'm not that good at surfing but I tried and actually I learned to scuba dive and I liked that a lot better.

And basically the trip was just like day after day of me getting out of my comfort zone building that trust building that confidence. And because I was bad myself, there was no one else to blame. When I got lost, there was no one else to blame. When I was frustrated. I had to basically build this relationship with myself and say, Listen, you brought yourself to this country, you've got yourself lost you. You've got yourself into this mess like how are you going to get yourself out of it? You don't have a Savior to help you. You don't have a knight in shining armor. You don't have anything else you have yourself and that's probably the most important gift that you can have. And so over time, without realizing it, I was using the habits that I had, for like the last however many years of like my teacher training with mindfulness and yoga and all these things and meditation and then also personal development that I was into at the time and like building a business is really a huge part of that growth. And then building that gut instinct and that listening to yourself and trust with yourself. When I look back on the trip, those seven months were really a love story as cheesy as it's gonna sound. It was a love story with myself and building that confidence and building that self love throughout these experiences. And saying like, wow, I learned a whole new language. Whoa, I'm an advanced scuba diver like okay, I'm not a pro surfer but I tried and I fell and I cut back on that board so many times.

You know, getting yourself out of mass or climbing a volcano, like all of those things happen in such a short amount of time and I really think that it sped up that journey for me or that love for me. And at the very end of my trip. I actually stumbled upon this incredible yoga teacher training program. and even though I was already a yoga teacher, they had these like subprograms there. and one of them was life coaching and that was something that I was really interested in doing and it was specifically life and health coaching and I was like well this is exactly what I do. like this is what I do with my clients. outside of the studio I have these conversations and we talk about health and wealth and happiness.

And then from there when I came home I started the women's empowerment blog, which you now know as the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I worked for different studios, but I built my health coaching business on the side. And now I really focus on healthy habits because again, it took me this long to understand that it was really my daily habits that brought me to where I am today and it wasn't just health. It was my mindset. It was my financial health so my money habits , my relationship habits has everything and I will share it. I don't like to be put in a box. So I think habits really expand to be on the box and I think they expand to different things and they evolve as you evolve in your habits are going to change just like your core values change. But the thing that you always have that line that connects everything together is always you and I get a little bit goosey. Maybe a little bit crackly in my voice and I say that because it took me a long time to learn how to love myself. And I'm going to say it again and again. It was not easy. But every time it was super worth it. And I'm not that partner that I was with anymore. And I don't have the same friends that I did years ago. And so even though all these amazing people come in and even my mentor I don't have that same mentor anymore. These amazing people come in and out of your lives at the time that they need. To buy the one thing that's always there is you and the daily habits and behaviors that you have. So that is my super long story.

And to bring me to where I am today, which is I own the Pilates studio where I first learned Pilates I bought that studio for my mentor, believe it or not last year and my healthy habits. Coaching is building I'm starting a coaching membership for my clients to have ongoing support. I felt really lit up and excited about it and I'm following that gut instinct again, the gut instinct of divided studio and the gut instinct to start this membership. So I feel like it just went really full circle and that's why I had to tell you that entire story.

[25:00] KS: No and that's I didn't Oh my god. There's so much amazing but yeah, like so many things I had to take a couple of notes so I could stay present and listening after like when you were saying like since you were little with those first kind of intuitive knowing that yes, I want to do yoga. Yes. So you had those full body yeses. And then you had with this mentor we bought a body studio from when she suggested Pilates you were like no I don't yet you went for it. How can you discern between the two like that whole body? Yes. And then that I know that actually even though it was kind of like I don't want to do this but you went for it and then you loved it.

VL: Great question. So I think a lot of the time they come out. They come out with the same feeling. I think the hesitation for me was like the word wasn't Pilates and I was like, Oh, well, I've never really liked bodies. But then there was a part of me that was like, You need a job. It's not forever. Just like just doing it. Just do it. I was also teaching yoga there too. So it was just one of those things where it was mainly a Pilates studio that offered yoga and offered bar and if I'm being like super honest in the yoga and pilates world, if you teach a bunch of different things, you are very attractive to studios because they like that you have all these other options. They like that you can teach a bunch of different styles. And I think it really builds on just your own toolbox as well like being an applied teacher actually made me a better yoga teacher. So even in the home my intention was to open a yoga studio when I was a kid I was like Oh, I'm gonna open a yoga studio and you know we don't always, we don't always think that what we want is not always what the universe wants for us or the billions that the world has for us. And if I'm being totally frank, I don't love Pilates so much. And even though yoga definitely has my heart and there's a huge part of my life that I love for Yoga I haven't taught yoga in such a long time and my actus is with us now. so I'm really grateful that I followed it even though I was like, ah feels a little bit sticky or gonna do it.

[27:30] KS: Yeah, it's interesting because it's just like those full body yeses versus those kind of like I'm scared to do this. It's like you're in Guatemala, things like you also have things like that. We always have our version of scary like for you that was your burden for scary. I know for me when I was married and my son was only one my version of scary showed up. I am so unhappy here and all of a sudden I see I'm repeating toxic patterns, I need to leave the situation and it was very very scary. That was my version of scary and as scary as it was it still felt right.

What could you offer? Like when we're sitting with that from your experience and when working with your clients when you're sitting in that scary, how do you trust that? Even though it's scary. How do you trust that knowing that it's right and like how do people actually move because sometimes it can be paralyzing. I almost actually like to say if it wasn't for the fact that my son was born, I probably wouldn't have moved like I wouldn't have moved for me. I know for him because I wasn't okay with exposing him to repeating you know, the toxic pattern. That's what I refer to them. But if we say we don't have that little catalyst, like I'm doing is how do you do it for yourself? And I think I would probably come back to self love a little bit, but speak to that a little bit.

[28:55] VL: Yeah, that's an amazing question too. And I feel like when I work with women, especially mothers, they are looking to do something for someone else. It's usually for their kids or for their relationship for their family. And it's so easy to put these little humans in front of us or to put other people that we really love in front of us. But at what point are you making yourself a priority? At what point are you on that list of people to care about our self care, like where's self care on your priority list? And if it's not at the top of your list, then there's definitely some work that needs to be done. There's definitely some action that we need. To take. And I think when it comes to making those scary decisions, it's really about deciding of if you are going to stay where you're going to stay or if you want things to change and if you want to do something you've never done or feel away that you are not currently feeling you need to do something differently. And Okay, so my big thing was buying a one way ticket to Guatemala. That sounds super extreme for most people when I say that people are like, whoa, what and they're like you're still alive.

Yep. So you can practice this in really small ways. It goes back to building that trust with yourself. And that's also a part of self love is trusting yourself because think of it like any relationship when you trust someone you love someone you have really strong communication. So talk to yourself, tell yourself like What do you mean? Do you need to speak to yourself a little bit more timely? Do you need to listen to your own instincts, your own feeling that own urge or your own sacral response at that colo body knowing of like I need to do something different and what does different look like for you? Maybe different just means taking a new route to work or brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of your right hand. Like it can be as simple as changing up your routine. And that's why I think habits are so powerful because we already have these automatic behaviors we like. It gets into most of us but I think 80% of our day is made up of habits that we already have. So that means like you're automated for more than half of your day will say like I've ever been but you're automated for more than half of your day. And if that's the case, then there's very little room for magic to unfold. There's very little room for these new opportunities and these new changes and you are going to be living that Groundhog Day. I was super busy with my schedule at the time and I knew that I was gonna crack because I can't do this all the time. this is not sustainable. I knew that I've been doing this for the last year. and if I keep going like this, it's just going to be best for the next five years. So, think of the little things that you can do to make those adjustments at a two new workout routine, maybe it's a new route for your walk, maybe it's a new recipe. It can be those little things and as you start to push out of that comfort zone, they'll start to take major leaps and you're building that trust at the same time. and that's when your confidence starts to grow. and that's when someone says, oh my goodness, I'm getting a divorce. and I need my best friend to come to Hawaii with me for a week. and you're like, Yep, I'm the best friend. This feels good. I'm going to Hawaii. I feel the urge. I built a poll. Let's do this right and you like you've created that space. you've created space for those opportunities to come in and along the way, you're building that trust with yourself and that love.

[32:35] KS: I love, I love love. I think that self love, like true self love, lends itself to your confidence.

I think when you're fully in self love, you're not abandoning yourself for any reason. You're really standing, staying true to you, and that would elevate your confidence. What is one thing that somebody can do today to say that they don't feel like they love themselves like what is like at the most basic level, one thing that somebody could start doing today to grow that self love.

[33:13] VL: So a really fun, simple thing that I used to do when I was starting this was every time I saw my reflections, whether it was a mirror or when I was walking by my car or a window. If I saw myself as a reflection, I would do a little weight and like kind of like a hey, how are you? How you doing? In the mirror and it's super silly and it's super funny and honestly, if it just cracks a little a little giggle or a little smile for you. That's enough to just like you're flirting with yourself. I know some self love coaches will have you sit in front of the mirror and just keep repeating every single day. I love you. I love you. I love you that mirror work. And in the beginning that feels a little better. So we can kind of change it and just write out your wins for the week. Like, what did you succeed in this week? What was something that you're really proud of yourself for this week? And that could be a journaling exercise that could be something that you just type in your phone notes, and not just make it something that you're really grateful for the week but more about you're proud of yourself that you did. And maybe that was a major bad everyday this week and that was a really big deal for you. So it can be really small or it can be really huge like this for me this week. I'm going to write this down as one of my wins. A goal for myself for 2022 is to be speaking more on other people's podcasts and summits and things like that. So this is like so filling up my cup today and I'm super grateful to be here and it's going to be part of my wins for the week or so. things like that little week in the mirror saying I love you and doing more intense mirror work like that journaling exercise your wins and it's basically building proof and building that relationship with yourself and it's super simple and super tiny and just even writing your calendar with what you, what you're proud of this week.

[35:05] KS: Yeah, I love that. And I love what you were saying earlier and you just said it again. Now with the following the proof.

I absolutely love that. It's just such a powerful thing to remember. I do it with myself too. I have a ton of transitions. Just the last couple of weeks and I literally had to take myself back to like those were the scary things I did that worked out in my favor, or maybe I didn't even know how they were gonna work out but I know that they were such good things and so I like really have to focus on those when we can do FOMO so true.

VL: Yeah, it's so funny that you said that actually because I just remembered that right before my trip. I did a video diary. It was the most surreal thing to watch. So I have a MacBook and you can do like a movie, Film yourself on it. and I never use this feature especially at the time and so I wrote a video message to myself that was about five or seven minutes long and I saw they didn't like telling you why I decided to buy this ticket to Guatemala, like something took over. I did not know what was going on. I just knew that I had to do it so I, I recorded this

doing something that was super scary and I want you to remember that this was something that you you had to do and you did all the things you had to do for it and I'm like falling in the video and then it's like, you don't know why you're doing it. But as you're watching this as your call like I do know the reason why so it's like this weird thing of like past self talking to future itself. I don't even know what again, like what compelled me to do that this was so long ago now that I can't really remember the details of that. But it's on my old computer and then what happened was like completely, seven months later, I'm not like oh god open My Computer to that video itself. I didn't remember. So a year after the trip, I was doing this coaching program and it was like my first live webinar and I was so nervous. And I went to practice the video and I was like, Oh, just use that function on my computer. And I was like, what video is this? Like I completely forgot and then I opened it up right before I did this webinar and I'm crying now like watching myself crying, telling my future self my past self talking to my future self and it's reminding me of like, before I even did the hard thing. Before you even did the hard thing. It was like Valerie, you freaking did it. You're gonna look back one day and you're gonna say I did that. I went to Central America on a whim because my gut told me to and it was amazing. And I like it was the coolest, weirdest, craziest thing. So if you could do like a video recording of yourself or like a journal entry of yourself and look back on it and be like, Wow, look how far I've come, how much we've grown. That evidence and that proof is going to propel you to make more amazing changes and shifts and just and and what's even cooler in that the people around you are also going to notice it's not just the people around you are going to notice the little kids that you're so concerned about and trying to put first they see that you're not putting yourself first just like they're going to see when you do put yourself first and that gives them permission to put themselves on their list. I mean like It blows my mind sometimes when I think when I hear people say like oh, I need to put my kids before me and it's like you are doing them a disservice.

[38:38] KS: That’s so powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

as far powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

[39:49] VL: Ooof… that’s a really big question.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and following those urges and those instincts. And then what happened actually, in 2019 was after I come back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and and feel like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going in the gym, but then I started having a more deeper intention. And I build habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my birthday for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to to recognize is that for better people, and those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer was my response was, oh, have you think about before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't. I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and follow those urges and those instincts. And then what actually happened, in 2019 was after I came back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and felt like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going to the gym, but then I started having a deeper intention. And I built habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to recognize is that for better people, those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer. My response was, oh, have you thought about it before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So think about the habits you're doing right now. Because if you repeat these habits every day for the next year, and then multiply that by five, this is where you're going to be in five years. And that I think is a huge realization that takes minutes to come to and you don't have to buy the plane ticket to learn to love yourself. You can do it here. You can do it right now and you can do it a little bit every day.

[44:33] KS: Yeah, no. Great, great point. And just like you said, earlier to with, just start with little things like brush your teeth with your left hand or take a different route when you're driving to work or pick up your kids or whatever and just start start really, really tiny and build up over time because I think sometimes we feel like we need to make these huge these huge things like take a trip, leave a relationship, you know, change your job. It doesn't have to be that dramatic. You can start building trust and the little things so I love all of that so great. And I know that you're offering a gift to the audience, can you speak a little bit as well.

VL: So I have two really simple PDFs basically. And I find that they're just nice little starting points for anyone who wants to create a little bit more of a roadmap for their life. So the first one is called dream lifestyle roadmap. And there's also a habit tracker I think one of the things that we don't utilize when we're starting a new behavior or we're trying to create a new habit is the power of tracking it. Because what you're doing is you're physically checking off boxes and that is enjoyment. That is a reward. That is part of the proof and the evidence of all the things that you're doing. so it's completely customizable. you can put in whatever habit you're working on. It also has a couple of different tips for building habits and goal setting and things like that. Because a lot of the times too, especially with the new year, people are goal setting and they see this huge goal, and they're okay like I feel at school.

KS: Awesome. Awesome. And, and just also let everyone know where they can find you so that they can get more of you so that they can work with you. We talked about the podcast where do you like to hang out on social and where's the best place to find great questions.

Dream Lifestyle Road Map + Habit Tracker

www.valerielavignelife.com

IG | @vallavignelife

Kasia Bradford IG | @coachkasiabradford

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!