E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love
E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love with Emmy Rousseau
Whenever I get to chat with someone about elevating ourselves and bringing more joy to our lives, I am automatically ascended into a higher frequency of joy + love. I hope you feel the same after tuning into this wonderful conversation with Emmy Rousseau and I…
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Books Mentioned in this episode:
Robin Sharama - 5 Am Club
Emily Fletcher - Stress Less Accomplish More
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love
[01:26] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to introduce you to a very good and new friend of mine. I mean, me and I met at a wellness retreat probably a few months ago. Now I want to say like six months ago at the time, four months ago, something like that. And we kind of became like fast friends, I would say we connected over this weekend, retreated, and then we started talking more online. We went out for a walk together. A really freezing cold walk. But I've loved how our friendship has cultivated over these few months. And I wanted to just say that because I thought it was really important. And I wanted to show my gratitude for you. So welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast.
[02:16] Emmy Rousseau: Thank you so much. I too like that I'm grateful to be here. I knew that amazing podcast but I'm more way more grateful for the friendship that we have started cultivating and it's been so just free flowing and awesome and grateful to be here.
VL: You’re so very welcome. What I love about how and I think this is why we became fast friends is because we do have a lot of overlapping offerings or kind of interest I guess. We both teach fitness, we both talk about holistic healing and one of the really big conversations that we often have is about self care and about prioritizing ourselves. So I love to just dive into this topic today and maybe you can start us off with that.
ER: Absolutely. Yeah, I'm like my pillars are self love, joy and gratitude and they're really all about serving yourself right but not in so many people have that whole like, oh, self care is selfish or self love is selfish. And I just want to like no, it's actually the opposite of self image.
Because when you do love yourself first, then you can fill your cup and it can overflow and you can serve others better than when we try to tie ourselves out and go from like the bare minimums and put ourselves last on the list and then we don't actually serve anybody. Well, like nobody. I mean, even if you talk like we both are fitness instructors, and if you thought about do you want to go and take a class with a fitness instructor who is fit, where our fitness instructor who has to stop every half song, and like take five breaths and take some water and then you're gonna want somebody who's fit and that's because they take care of themselves and their fitness and that's why they can lead you in that they can serve you and fitness better, because they are also fit. And it's the same. It's anything like we can easily see. You don't want somebody who's and that doesn't mean you have to be a certain body size. By the way when I say fit. It's not at all what I mean but you still have to have a level of fitness that you could leave this fitness class.
You don't want to go to fitness class or somebody who's just totally out of shape and can't they do well. Same thing when we're serving and leading other people everywhere in our lives, whether it's our kids, our co workers or employees or friends. If we want to be of service then we need to be our best selves.
[05:02] VL: Exactly, I like to think of it as like really strong leaders leading by example. It's not a do as I say not as I do. It's here. This is me actually putting in the work. And the other thing you said that I think people forget about because it's such a cliche is filling your cup first. So I've been really working on this because I want to be able to express the importance of filling your cup versus other people. So this is what I came up with and I want to entertain you today. So you're like Bring it on.
Okay, so I love champagne and Prosecco and all things probably. And when I think about is, you know the champagne glasses and glass and you see those champagne towers and so you've got one glass at the top and then you have four below that and then eight below that, and then it keeps going and it's exponential, how many champagne glasses coupe glasses you can have. And so I imagine that you're at the top of your tower, your champagne tower, and the champagne is pouring into you. And when that cup overflows and then goes into for more, or four more classes or four more people and then the growth just becomes exponential as like the more you pour into your craft, the more people you can serve. And those are the people who depend on you. Those are the people who are holding you up and you are holding them up by letting yourself be full, letting your class people let your copy flow and letting it pour onto others and you don't deplete yourself. I think sometimes or at least I thought this is I would fill up my cup and then I pour my cup into others but no you want to overflow your cup so that there is an abundance, of energy of love of joy of all of the things to to get people into the space that they need to so that was my or that is my new way of looking at the filling your cups. I hope you enjoyed it.
[07:10] ER: I think that is such a good visual because people know that if you only filled the champagne glass half the rest of the bottom aren't getting anything, you know, it just would stop right? That's what would happen with the champagne example. So it's such a perfect visual for people and nobody says, Oh yeah, stop filling that top champagne glass half it's already half full. We can drink from that and it'll be fine. Like, well, how far are you getting in pouring into those other cups that even if he did that, not very far so.
VL: Absolutely. And highlighting what you said. It's not selfish to put yourself first. This is huge when we talk a little bit more about that?
ER: Oh yeah, because I think it's something that so many people have a hard time with and I did it for years and years. I was that. Oh, what does it matter if I don't get enough sleep or it doesn't matter? If I miss my workout? As long as I'm there for other people. That's what it is. And now I've shifted that in my life and it's not always easy to to shift that because some people who are used to you serving from your cup half full and giving more than you have to give will start to think like, are you putting yourself above us like what's going on here? And one of my kids recently said that to me. He said I can see how you would think that. Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that to me. This is not the case. This is me being my best self so I can actually be better for you. And my daughter said it best when I was a part of the 5am club like years ago. It was amazing. I was on my A game and then I dropped off. And then she said to me one day you know you're so much better than when you were a 5am club girl. I like even a teenager could notice that. You know something? Because you know teenagers are naturally egocentric in their own world. They're concerned about their own friends. That's where they should be. So if your teenager notices that you were a better person, when you were filling the 5am Club is all about filling your own cup first 100% before anybody else is awake for the day, you are starting and so now like my morning routine is the probably most important thing to me in my whole day. The days I don't do it are the days that I have crappier days and they know it and the days I do it I'm feeling amazing, and then I can absolutely show up amazing for everyone else.
[09:37] VL: That's huge. And for other people to notice that around you is also just confirmation and that's why filling your cup is so important. Putting yourself first is so important. Would you be open to sharing your morning routine with us and taking us through that?
ER: I would love to. So I did start with the formula of the 5am Club which is like Robin Sharma if you don't know him, he's an awesome Canadian author. Everybody should check him out. I love him. But it has evolved a little bit. So for me now what I do is I start my day with either breathwork or meditation. Right now I'm doing the Wim Hof Method Course where it's just like, for me, I'm all about the breath work, but getting into the cold shower. It was very challenging for either of you and whenever you walked but actually you were one of the people that inspired me to do it. So thank you for that.
So I'll start with his breath work and then I jump into the cold shower and then I will have meditation. Oh, so that's part of the whole thing. And then I do my five minute journal. That's a huge thing for me, starting my day with intention and gratitude is such a game changer as well. Such a mood changer. I feel like gratitude is one of the fastest ways to just boost your mood. So starting that way is awesome. And 20 minutes of reading, and at least 20 minutes of exercise. It usually ends up being half an hour because I often have one of my classes in the morning but so that's what my morning Oh and I forgot one important piece. I also visualize my day for 10 minutes. So I look at my calendar, what do I have on for the day? And then I just bang bang, bang, bang bang, like what's it going to be like? And I imagine it, how it's going to feel amazing, how it's all going to go great whether it's a super exciting business meeting I'm thinking about or a difficult conversation with a loved one. I picture it going as well as it possibly can. Everybody is feeling good. And nine times out of 10 It goes way better when I visualize it. Then when I skip that, that piece.
That’s my morning routine.
[11:56] VL: That’s amazing! I love that. That is such a really wonderful way to connect to so many different parts of you and I love that you're doing something that's super out of your comfort zone with the cool chairs. I know this is somewhat new to your morning routine and it is a bit of a shock but it's also one of those things where you are overcoming something so huge and starting your day with something that makes you feel invincible. I mean, I know I've only done one cold.
I'm not doing that every day but I might be convinced.
So that is so amazing. I feel like you have a lot of different practices, a lot of different kinds of, I guess tools in your toolkit and you've already shared that this morning routine has evolved for you in the last little while. So for people who are listening, you're thinking no I really like some of the things that you shared. What would be your wisdom to people who want to start their own work routine or who want to create their own self care practice? Where do we begin with all of these different practices and tools?
ER: Begin small first of all, do not think like this morning routine takes me probably an hour and a half most days and I'm lucky that I'm at the stage of life where I don't have little kids. So it's easy for me to get up an hour and a half earlier and even when they get up like they're doing their own thing but a recognize where you're at and where you're starting from. And just pick one little thing to start with so maybe you're only getting up five or 10 minutes early. I have read so much about her getting up an hour early. So he and such a game changer. But I never recommend people start there because it's really hard to shift your body just to like, oh, okay, I used to wake up at seven. I'm gonna wake up at six 6am comes and your alarm is like and you're like, Heck no, I am not doing that. And you snooze and then you feel like you're a failure and then you're just not setting yourself up for success. So making it small and manageable where you would I'm going to start with gratitude, I can write three things. I'm grateful for waking up and maybe three intentions for the day. That will take me less than five minutes. So all I need to do is set my alarm for five minutes before and whatever the one tool that you're hear about that really sounds like oh, that's the one I want to try. That's the one you should try because you're most drawn to it. You're most likely to follow through with it. Once that becomes a habit for you. Then you can have it stack and add a new thing to it and build it up to whatever and your morning routine. Maybe it will be 20 minutes max, maybe it'll be half an hour max. Maybe it will be an hour like you'll see what fits into your life and what feels good once it's there. But build it slowly. I think that's so important.
[14:45] VL: Yeah, absolutely. That's a really great point.
I like what you said about which one sounds good or which one feels good for you and which one is sparking some sort of curiosity. Start with that one. Because when we start with the things that excite us as well, we're more likely to do them. And then by picking something smaller, choosing something small and starting there. We are beginning to create this confidence and this momentum with ourselves because we're one more excited to do it too. We actually do it because it's attainable and realistic to do. and then we're like, Hey, I took a cold shower today. That's awesome. Hey, I took a cold shower three times this week. Oh, that's amazing. Oh my goodness. I took a cold shower every single day this week. and then we just start to keep building up on those wins.
And well, at the time of this recording, we're still in the 21 Day Challenge. However, when this podcast comes out, we wouldn't have been done the 21 day challenge and I wanted to quickly chat about this because we are on the topic of habits now but something that has come up for you a lot in this challenge is recognizing like you said where you are and that starting point but not only the starting point but recognize where you are throughout your journey. And I love how you've been talking about giving yourself grace and this positive self talk of even if you did enjoy 100% Today, you still showed up for yourself. So maybe let's chat a little bit more about this and how you have come to this place of really honoring what you need. How do you know what you need? How do you talk to yourself this way? How do you keep going even when you don't have days where you're at 100%?
[16:30] ER: That's been probably the most recent accomplishment or awareness or development for me. It was in December that November I was at a speaking competition. And I hadn't placed and that was fine. It wasn't about that. But all of a sudden it hit me like hold on. I'm really good at helping other people further themselves. Why am I not this good at helping me further myself become so skilled Why am I still so close to my starting line? And I realized I'm being way harder on myself than I would with other people and if someone came to me with an issue like I was having, I would be encouraged to talk to them. Why am I not talking to myself the same way that I would talk to someone else? That's really just becoming conscious of how I speak to myself and saying, no, if I catch myself in that old habit, not going to do that anymore. I'm going to totally just encourage myself and break what would I say to a friend and whatever I would say to the friend that's going to be the kind of compassionate thing and then turn that back on myself. So yes, in this 21 Day habit I have loved that. I have two goals. And before if I did one goal, and I didn't do the other one. It would be like, I'm not meeting my boss. Then this time I was like no, I'm at 50% of my goals because I did one and then I and then as I was talking to you and as I call on a second Actually, I did half of the one goal and the other work fully so that's really 75% Let's just celebrate exactly what I'm doing. And another tool that's really helped me with that was Mel Robbins High Five habit. I find myself in the mirror every day and be like, I got your back girl that has changed my self talk in such a small way but it's made such a big impact. I'm doing it every single day even when I'm not in a moment where I'm feeling low and just automatically getting up high fiber myself and saying I got your back so already my brain said she talks to herself. Alright, so she keeps on that momentum instead of Oh, shucks down to herself. I'm gonna keep on that brought that I think it has really helped to shift that for me.
[18:48] VL: That's such a great point of going back to that.
That high flying habit. I've done this before. I don't even know how it started. I want to say they didn't like the way I was treating myself similarly to you or like you're like oh wow, I did not say something nice about this opportunity. So I would never say that to somebody else. Why on earth am I saying that to myself? And so what I started to do was wink at myself in the mirror when I would walk or buyer pass by reflection or anything like that and I didn't kind of jokingly but kind of for fun. I thought it was something that was like, Yeah, you know, I always get myself it's easy to do it simple and having that simplified. Behavior really does help to change the pattern. And it doesn't have to be some sort of crazy ritual where you're journaling about yourself and you have to like to stand in the mirror for an hour, whatever it is, it can be super simple, like a week or a high five. So that's so great that you share that and I'm so glad that you've been on this recent journey of awareness and positive self talk because it's one of the things that I know that I'm really passionate about is like really getting rid of that negative self talk.
This is so helpful.
Can you share some of our tools for people who are listening who maybe are like, I like some of the things that they're saying, but what else can we do to put ourselves first and what are some other examples that we could talk about?
[20:23] ER: Well, I really like it, I'm a simple kind of person so I'd like to keep things simple and practical and easy to do.
VL: Because I'm not the most patient person. So if something's gonna take a long time, I'm probably not going to put in the effort at the beginning. And be because we all have lives that generally here in our society are actually over. Busy, not even just busy, but like, over busy. So who has time to start this big, complicated thing? I'm all about simple, simple, simple. So two of the things that I do in this I really love is scheduling in joy. Time, every day, I don't have to schedule it anymore because now I just automatically do it. But right at the beginning, I still do schedule it, but I don't even have to look at that part of my schedule, because I know that like, okay, right before lunch, I'm gonna have like a five minute dance break because I love to dance. So that's something that brings me joy. Put it in the face. They'd like to take a book into the bathroom because they just needed some quiet time, some alone time to like lock the door in readable time that was their time for them. And finding those like little just 5-10 minutes, sometimes a three minute nugget times to take a breath and bring yourself back to the present and feel better. It's good or anything that brings you joy, and I think it's a little sad that many of us don't even know what brings us joy anymore. So if you happen to be a listener that thinks that like sounds good but what even brings me joy anymore a know you're not alone. I think that's pretty normal these days. And be start to think back to like, what did I love to do as a kid? You know, if you loved to get out and jump in puddles that maybe like going for a walk in nature is going to be one of your things you know, if you love loved, like for me, I love to watch solid gold, which I know now you're too young to know what is even solid gold. It was like the show the dance show today, and I would just imagine I was a solid gold dancer. So it's always been a thing for me, you know, reading or whatever it is that brings you joy, spending time with people, whatever it is that brings you joy and obviously, spending time with people you can't get to someone in five minutes, but you could send somebody a text message unexpected that they don't think you're gonna say something that you were thinking about them and that brings them joy and brings you joy, somebody little ways that we can just do it in micro doses, which is fantastic.
And another thing here now a lot of people are gonna be like me and I know because I was one of them is honestly meditation. I used to think, I cannot meditate as they have tried, it is not for me.
A there's a million types of meditation. It's like the genres of books. So if you haven't found a book you like I'm like try it for time because there's something for everybody. Maybe it's an audio book, maybe it's a genre of books. It's pretty the same as meditation. There's walking meditations, that silent meditation, there's guided meditations, there's like a million things you can do to meditate and really ways to meditate. Just keep trying something to find what works for you. And I read a book. Oh my goodness. Emily Fletcher's book on meditation, Stress Less achieved more is actually designed for high achievers should like this is not for the Tibetan monk who wants to sit on the mountaintop and meditate all day. This is for the busy person who wants to have more stuff. She talks eight chapters about the benefits of meditation. So if you're not if you're not sold, it's a great book to read. And then she gets into the house and she actually recommends to 15 minutes a day, one in the morning. And one like mid afternoon. When I started doing that that afternoon for three weeks I felt nothing or disclosure as I was really do anything. And then one day I had really a conversation with someone on the phone and I was like, Alright, I'm going to meditate now and I came out of that 15 minutes. So calm going from like raging in my head. To Wow, I feel amazing about the day and ever since I've like Alright, got to get that second meditation. And so that's another tool that I use as well. And then my five minute journal, there's also a evening portion. So that helps me to just set my brain right and positive or before I go to sleep.
[24:55] VL: Yeah, and a lot of these practices. I know that you mentioned a few of them already. They don't have to be in the morning. So I know that. I don't know what it is about morning routines. Everyone just wants to have this perfect morning routine and sometimes it can't always be that way. So being able to kind of sprinkle in habits is also very beneficial. So I'm glad that you mentioned that as well. I don't know if I should use Insight Timer for meditation, but I love this app because it has made meditation possible. And I find that I'll just put one on and then sometimes I stumble upon some really great meditation teachers and then I just follow them and I just want to listen to all their meditations. I also got an OURA ring for Christmas. and the aura ring has meditations on it too. And they talk about it as restored in time. So they're really short little meditations, actually different this morning and after you do the recording after you listen to the recording and asked, How do you feel, do you feel the same?'' Do you feel worse to build better or do you feel like, super, whatever, there's like a smiley face so you have to pick. And I, a little bit five minutes this morning but I did. I was like, I do feel better, I do feel a lot better than when I started, just a simple little tool.
EM: I love that you said it was a restorative practice. Lisa Nichols said that rest is the root word of restoration. And if we think about restorative furniture, we love it right? We get this old crappy dresser and then we get it restored and it looks shiny and new and beautiful. We love it. And that's what we want it to look like. It's the same with our bodies. Our bodies need rest to restore. So that's one other thing that I think so often gets overlooked. And if we think of it in that way, most of us don't think of rest as restoring our body, but it is really when our body gets the time to heal because we're not asking it to do a million other things. So that's one of the things that is so, so important, which I think a lot of us downplay, as well.
[27:05] VL: Yeah, I agree. I love that.
Find & follow Emmy here:
WEBSITE | https://www.trinitytransformations.com
RAPID FIRE ROUND
1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?
A Return to Love - Marrianne Williamson
2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?
Empowerment is really about taking what you have inside I think and recognizing your strengths and then just letting them shine. If we all let our strengths shrine. We all show up into the world as empowered, and then by doing that we also empower others with that whole champagne ripple effect.
3. What is your longest standing habit?
The longest standing would be the 5am waking up. Yeah.
4. What are you currently working toward?
So many things. I am always working towards just being the best me I can be every day. That's my most important goal is being the best thing I can every single day. And as I realized how mental wellness plays such a big part of that feeling really called to create a community of people who want to play mental wellness a priority in your life so that's something that's been percolating in my head right now. That's the latest and greatest.
VL: That sounds so incredible. Thank you so much for joining me today. This was such a great conversation. I feel like a lot of people will resonate with what you're saying or at least sparks of interest and joy and excitement into everything that you offered. So I really want to just recognize you and your voice and all the things you have to teach and share your wisdom I'm so grateful for our friendship as well. Of course this conversation was great, but it goes too much deeper than that. and I know that we're going to have more conversations that are probably not all being recorded. but yeah, I love I love everything that you said today and I'm excited for all the things that you're working on. So thank you again so much.
ER: Thank you so much, it was such a pleasure and an honor.
Podcast Host
Valerie LaVigne
Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!
