E172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

If you’ve ever felt rebellious against structure, or rolled your eyes when someone tried to tell you about discipline, then this podcast episode is for you.

It’s also for you if you desire freedom. If you have an idea of an abundant future and you are ready to step into your power and embody that best version of yourself.

Age of Aquarius

[00:48] For those of you who don’t already know this about me, I am an astrology enthusiast. My grandmother got me into it and would read me my horoscope in the paper everyday. I grew up discovering more resources for astrology and learned all about my natal chart and the different planets and signs within this chart. I even sprinkled some astrology into this podcast, like two weeks ago, and the episode about the new moon.

Episode 170: New Moon Rituals

Okay so what does this have to do with this episode? Well my friends, I am an Aquarius Sun, and Aquarius is not afraid to break rules. Aquarius is the rebel of the zodiac signs and they are driven by freedom. They are unpredictable, do things in their own way, and strive for improving systems and communities.

Growing up, I felt very aligned with this. I embraced my rebellious nature - perhaps a little too much at times. But I fought against pre-built systems and structure and rules all. the. time.

It wasn’t until my early twenties when I heard someone say, “discipline equals freedom.” I think my eyes rolled so far back into my head I wasn’t sure if they’d be stuck there.

After hearing that phrase I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and so I wondered if discipline could bring me to where I desired. Because how it was going at the time… well that wasn’t really working out for me. Back then I was flying at the seat of my pants every day. Some days were wild and wonderful and fun. But most days left me feeling lost and confused and not anywhere near “freedom.”

So I decided I was going to test the discipline equals freedom theory and like any Aquarius, I was going to do it in my own way. It was around the same time I was really diving into personal development and reading all these great books on habits, mindfulness, marketing, confidence, and so much more.

I created a daily routine that included making my bed, eating a healthy breakfast, movement exercises (sometimes weights at the gym, sometimes hot yoga), journaling, and setting up my three to five small goals for the day.

This morning routine was vague enough for flexibility and freedom within the schedule, and specific enough to help me achieve goals in my health, wealth, and happiness. I could eat whatever I wanted for breakfast but it had to be healthy by my standards. Movement became more specific as I learned more about what my body wanted and craved. The journaling was about 3 minutes, maybe 5, I would answer a question every morning that I pulled from a list of “questions for self discovery” or something like that. And my three to five goals for the day helped me be more intentional in my day and focus on three to five tasks of whatever I wanted/felt like.

This was YEARS ago, so I’m not sure exactly how long it took to implement, but I can tell you that I still do some of these things every morning without fail! Of course the routine has evolved a bit, as my life and schedule have changed too, but I am a lot more intentional and a lot of people are surprised by my multi-coloured and full calendar. Whenever I get asked, “how do you have time to do all these different things?” My answer is, “I make the time.” or “I have clarity on my priorities” or “I set healthy boundaries”

Discipline is the Act of Building Trust with Ourselves

[06:30] Although in the past I have been resistant to schedule and discipline, I understand now how powerful discipline is, and how beautiful boundaries are.

To me, discipline is the act of building trust with ourselves. It’s not about following arbitrary rules or punishment for disobeying someone. It’s about making a promise to yourself and keeping that promise. It’s about doing what you said you were going to do. It’s about self worth.

We are worthy of freedom. We are worthy of our desires. We are worthy of achieving our goals. But we aren’t going to get there without a plan of action. And most times that action requires setting boundaries.

Take Action: The Audit

If you are someone who wants to build in boundaries, but isn’t sure where to start… or you want more time in your week to doing things that bring you joy, here is your next step: Get out a notebook and a pen, or track on your phone notes, what you do every single day and how much time it takes you for three to seven days. Everything.

I know, I know… you want more time and this exercise sounds like it’s going to take up all of your time, but I’m telling you it is going to change your life!

From when you wake up, to when you go to bed you are going to audit your time for a minimum of three days, and a maximum of seven. (TIP: If you do three, you can choose three different days, and if you do seven, try doing seven consecutive days).

This audit will reveal the blatant truth about where you’re really spending your time and energy. If you want a quick preview, turn on screen time and look at how much time you’re spending on your devices/apps. I’m embarrassed to say I spend more than five/six hours a day on a screen.

Build in Beautiful Boundaries

[08:54] Once you’ve collected the data you can build in your boundaries with screen time and any other time spent wasted or inefficient and use that time for anything that brings you joy!

Here are some of my time/schedule boundaries:

I have 1-2 days off every week. Right now this is only one day, and my goal is to get three days off, but I’m in a very busy season with lots of transitioning.
My phone goes on airplane mode every night about 30 minutes before I go to bed, usually when I begin my evening routine. It stays on airplane mode until I get out of bed in the morning and go downstairs and start my day.
I create my schedule for the month with my hormonal cycle and seasons in mind. The only week to book for podcast interviews is my “summer” season, I keep my “winter” open for lots of white space and creativity time, my “spring” is for strategy and new ideas, and my “fall” is for focusing on details and tying up loose ends.
My day is time blocked and if it’s not on the schedule, it’s not getting done. I time block usually a week in advance with my workouts, healthy habits, and then work tasks go in. If I feel overwhelmed by my schedule I block off more time for self care and me time. This is even more important for busy weeks.

I’ve heard some people schedule calls every weekday but only during certain times, and other entrepreneurs only schedule calls one week every month.

My coach doesn’t work on Fridays. She has that day with her daughter and they go on adventures together.

The day to day or weekly boundaries are important because they offer consistency, but take it from a busy business owner, sometimes we need to create rules for ourselves to maintain healthy relationships with others and with our own businesses.

Entrepreneur Examples

[11:17] An entrepreneur I follow has a rule that he only travels overnight for work once a month for only one-two nights at a time. He doesn’t want to be away from his wife and kids for too long. If he is invited to multiple events in a month, he tries to bring his family with him. If he can’t bring his family, and he’s already committed to an event that month, he declines.

Another rule for a business owner I follow is his rule of traveling with colleagues or employees. He will not travel alone with a female unless it’s his wife or one of his daughters. If he goes on a trip with a female colleague or employee, he will invite another male on the trip. His reasoning is because he’s seen the negative impacts of men in the industry traveling alone with women, and even if he trusts himself and his colleague, he doesn’t trust the media or the people who may make assumptions.

This year I’m going to take July and August off of my online business. Well I’m going to ease off at least 50%. I’m strategizing now to have batched all my podcast episodes, emails, and membership content.

I will not be recording interviews, I will not be doing coaching calls, and I will be a little more playful on instagram, and posting a lot less. I’ve done this only once before and it was AWESOME, but I guess I didn’t have a plan the following years and… well I wasn’t disciplined enough to make it happen.

Putting it All Together

[13:22] When you’re thinking of your own boundaries and rules, and how to create discipline for your life, I encourage you to first get clear on your priorities. What is important to you in your life? Why is it important? What parts of your business are important to you? Why are they important? What do you want more of?

Answering these questions, and/or getting clear on your core values will help you better understand what tasks, invitations, and activities are best for you to accept and prioritize. If your goal is financial freedom, then you need to stop trading time for dollars, and start strategizing your systems or passive income methods.

If your core value is family, set those work boundaries and block out that time for family activities or family dinners, or rules like not being away from your family for more than two days at a time.

When you are clear about your core values, your goals, and/or your intentions, these are the things you will prioritize and put first into your calendar. These are the things you say yes to. Anything that doesn’t support this, is going to be a “no thank you.”

If freedom is your core value… what life are you living, building, creating for yourself where you can feel FREE!? Maybe it starts with sprinkles of daily freedom of white space or surprise Saturdays where you don’t book anything at all. And then the other days you’re building that pipeline for financial and time freedom so most days can be full of surprises and adventure.

Bring those core values into your days by becoming disciplined to them. Build out your boundaries so that there is no excuse to not experience joy or spend time with your family. Prioritize you/your goals/your values as often and consistently as possible.

Screenshot this episode, share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know what boundaries, priorities, and rules you are implementing into your life and business.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!