E181: Giving Yourself Grace Through the Process of Creating New Self Care Practices

Today on the podcast we have a special guest and one of my very wonderful clients Suzanne here, to share with you her journey into healthy habits.

One of the things I love about Suzanne is her compassion for others and one of the things I am very proud of Suzanne for in the last few months, and I know she’ll share this in our conversation, but something I really wanted to highlight was the growth that she has been able to build through her own self compassion. And this is something that has really shifted a lot of other areas of Suzanne‘s life for the better.

As you listen to (or read) Suzanne tell her story and her journey, I want you to notice where you feel that you relate to Suzanne and her journey and how you could apply some of her lessons and techniques into your own practices and your own daily life…

VL: Suzanne, welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. We are so excited to have you here to share your story and your journey with healthy habits. So why don't we just dive right in to start with who you are just a little bit about yourself

SZ: I am Suzanne Zupan. I am a mom of two. My daughter will be 22 this year and my son would have been 27. He passed away. Seven years ago it'll be this year at the age of 20. happily married for 27 years. and I work as a practice manager for a very busy financial planning practice.

[02:17] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that and I know it's a really busy time for you. So I want to make the most of our time together. We are in tax season. So things get really busy and as many others are free and many women would agree that just life is busy in general, no matter what season we're in. So let us know a little bit about the habit that you're cultivating or maybe one or two habits you've been cultivating this year.

SZ: So the first habit that I started with was basically every morning and every night, standing in front of the mirror and saying something positive to myself.

So the first habit that I started with was basically every morning and every night, standing in front of the mirror and saying something positive to myself.

That was just to get out of the habit of it's not necessarily body shaming, but having negative thoughts about myself, which has been a struggle and then that the next journey started organically from bad habits, just eating better, getting better sleep, taking carving more time out for self care, and just that basically working on my mental health.

[3:30] VL: That is so amazing. It's such a great habit because I loved being part of this journey with you like in real time. Because I remember you said you're like now I'm just gonna make it super simple. I'm gonna say nice things to myself every night before bed in the mirror. And then all of a sudden, it was like shift after shift after win after surprise after ripple. and I want to get into all of that. but before we get to all that juicy stuff. Can you tell us a little bit about who you were before starting this habit? so maybe what were the habits you were trying to swap or over that mindset patterns that you were trying to, to change before this habit?

[04:17] SZ: So before this habit, and this goes back to when I lost my son, very depressed. But I have always been that person that helps other people and tried to lift up other people pay them compliment. And one of the things that I noticed I think probably about five years ago I was I started running low on energy. And when you're low on energy when your cup is empty, you can't pour from your cup and you can't be the person that you want to be for other people because you're not being the person that you need to be for yourself. So, five years ago, before I started, actually Pilates is where you and I met. And before I started Pilates, I was struggling a lot with my mental health and Pilates I started not for the physical benefits, but mostly for the mental benefits. And my as my mental health improved, then I wanted to improve my physical health. But I think the main goal for me was to be in order to help other people. I had to help myself and increase my energy levels and increase the I can't think of anything else at the wealth of live because when you lose somebody who you absolutely can't live without it, it takes you to a place where you don't want to be present.

Not necessarily that you don't want to live but you don't want to live in the present. And so that's part of this a huge part of who I was and who I was trying to become again.

[06:12] VL: Wow, thank you so much for sharing so openly and so honestly because I think that this is something where many people have struggled with grief and many people have struggled with the mindset of, you know, doing everything for everyone else and not paying attention to ourselves or not putting ourselves on the priority list at all or we're very low on the list. And what you have come to realize what many people don't come to realize or they realize it too late. Is that it's really important for you to take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of you.

You can be the best mom you can be the best partner you can be the best friend you can be the best. Fill in the blank, right so first of all, I really want to applaud you for recognizing this and I go that you know your mental health you you recognize that this was also important. And everything else just started to build on top of that.

So we can definitely we can definitely see in your story so far that the journey really did start with one small habit and then built on another and then built on another. And it just kept becoming all these small habits compounding over time. And that brings us to where you are today. And I know that the journey is still continuing it feels like it's this new beginning for you in a way.

Why don't you tell us a little bit about how the last few months have been going with these new habits with this new mindset. maybe what surprised you or how it's impacted you today.

[07:55] SZ: so I think where I am today with the habits is the habit that I started in January, being positive to myself didn't fall off, which is amazing. And I know that there were people that were in our challenge that rejoined the challenge now because they needed to kick back in those habits that may be dropped off. But that didn't drop off for me and I find if I'm ever thinking something negative.

One of the things that I do that is probably kind of odd but if I look in into a mirror, I don't just say it to myself in my head anymore. I actually get myself in front of a mirror which is very easy because you can even do that when you're in the car. So I put myself in front of a mirror to say that chase those negative thoughts if they do come back into my head, and that's instantaneous for me now and it's like a habit that hasn't, hasn't gone away and will never go away. And then to add on that it's just more like more drinking water and one of the things I don't sleep a lot and my sleep patterns have really been disrupted. It's very common in grief, or set in trauma that your sleep habits are affected, affected.

So what I'm doing now is trying to get to bed and this is your recommendation in the same day that I woke up. But the other thing that it's not always easy for me to do because there's if I'm working late then things get shifted my hour of reading goes later than I wanted it to but I still maintain that habit before I go to bed.

So one of the things that I've learned in this challenge is to allow myself grace. If I don't get to bed before midnight on that same day.

Can I and I have flexibility in my job which I'm very grateful for. Can I grab an extra half hour the next day? Or if that doesn't happen? Can I take a nap When I come home from the activities just to give myself that extra 20 minutes to half an hour of energy boosts that I need.

[10:17] VL: Those are amazing habits. And one of the things you were saying earlier is you work in a very busy business and you've got a lot on the go and you've got your Pilates and you've got your family and you have all the things in your your friendship circles. How do you make all of these habits work for you and work for your schedule?

SZ: It's tricky, especially now that we're in the middle of tax season. So if, for example, it was maybe Monday, no Tuesday night that I worked much later than I wanted to. However, I just allow myself that grace and I'm going to carve out an extra hour the next day if something happens.

So Pilates for me is something that's a ritual that doesn't get changed. I make sure that if I have a class, because this is my me time this is it's I know it's a physical activity, but it's also my self care and very important to my mental health. So there are things that I don't compromise on, I make sure that those don't change.

If I have something that needs to be attended to and for example, I think it was about a month ago that I had a friend that really needed me and we couldn't get a time other than when I was scheduled for Pilates. So I changed that time. And I made sure that I made it up on the other end somehow I'm very much a control freak. So things when they hit me and they're out of my control I struggle with but I've allowed myself it's probably one of the new habits is grace. When things happen that you can't control and just know that if you didn't do your self care on Sundays, or it's your ritual to take a bath on Tuesday night for example. just allow yourself the grace to do that at another time and carve out an extra hour on a Monday If you need to.

[12:30] VL: Those are excellent tips. I love that you have these non negotiables and you've put them in your calendar and you know that they're there. But then you have this ability to be proactive in your scheduling. So knowing that something else is coming up, okay, where can I move my non negotiable somewhere else? Or maybe we can rearrange the event or whatever it is for a different day.

And I love that you are repeating giving yourself grace because that is definitely a theme throughout many people's journeys and habit building and I think that's even more important when the habit is so personal or is something that really has to do with positive self talk and mindset and loving yourself because, you know, it's like we're trying to be kind to ourselves so that we don't do our habits.

We beat ourselves up for not doing the habit and then it becomes that vicious cycle. Whereas being able to give yourself grace through this time, allows you to find progress over perfectionism, right? And it's not necessarily about always controlling the outcome. It's about being present. It's about being in alignment. It's about connecting to that energy, that source that you have. So I just really love all the things that you are sharing today.

Another question I had for you is, is there something that you really want to share? with people about healthy habits or maybe specifically about your habits? is there something that you would love to let people know who are also kind of on a similar journey as you are on a similar path to creating new habits for mental and emotional and physical health?

[14:17] SZ: I think one of the habits and this might be me as a mom speaking or as a female, because we always, but I certainly always tend to put everyone else first. And I'm not sure if it's from a young age that I learned that or thought to myself that moms can't be selfish. And I think that's one of the things that we need to retrain our brain. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to say no, this is me time. And because when you're certainly it's a healthy habit that you're cultivating.

So if it's perfectly normal to be selfish with that healthy habit, because that is making you a better person and if you are the caregiver, being selfish and carving time out for yourself is going to make you a better caregiver. Recently when I was speaking with this friend, her mother's not well and they had planned a trip. And her mother ended up not being able to take that trip because of health reasons. And she didn't want to go on that trip without her mother.

But one of the things that we talked about is how sometimes the situation is going to get worse and you know that there are things with people's health that you you can't stop from happening. In this case her mother has dementia and cancer and those things are not going to go away. It's going to get harder for her. So being selfish and I don't really think it is being selfish but if you want to. If you're thinking that it is being selfish, you're being selfish to make yourself better put yourself in a better mental state to deal with what's coming on. So I think like when we're doing these healthy habits and we're thinking that we're being selfish, it's okay to be selfish because you can't fill someone else's cup if your child is empty.

So if you have to be selfish to sell your pet back up, that's okay.

[16:30] VL: So good! I feel like we need to pull different parts of that and like put them on a t shirt or affirmation cards or something or reminders for people who do you feel that way? And I know there are a lot of people who feel like if I make time for myself, that's selfish.

But just like you said, it's not really selfish. It's necessary. It's it's part of being a caregiver. It's part of being someone who is making an impact on the world. Whether that's a mother or an entrepreneur or a leader in any way. You need to be your best and show up as your best to be the most helpful and the most important, so really, it's definitely more for other people. Well, I mean, you could spend you could spend it to think that to say that it is more for other people than it is for you. But we all win when we put ourselves first everybody wants.

Thank you so much, Suzanne this has been such a lovely conversation and I'm really excited to continue this journey with you for your healthy habits and to see how else you not only impact your own mental health, your physical health and your own life but also the people around you because I know this I have the privilege of teaching Suzanne Pilates and I see the ripple effect of your work and of your healthy habits to the people around you and the excitement that people get. And Suzanne shared this with me a few days ago in class was that one of the other clients in the community messaged her and said What class are you going to I want to be in your class and I think that's such a I think that's such a powerful experience that you didn't you just met each other in this community and now you're connected in a deeper way.

And yeah, it just goes it goes beyond looking at yourself in the mirror and saying something nice. it's like, I feel like it's changing you at a cellular level and it's impacting the people around you as well. so I'm super excited. for you.

Thank you so much.

[18:34] SZ: Thanks. Thank you, Val. I can't say enough about the community.

I'm going to name at exhale. I can't say enough about the community there. And the funny thing is is that that person that messaged me, there's another friend from Pilates that I went out and had lunch with and she was telling me how she feels inspired by me. And it's funny because I feel that about other people. Other people lift me up just by you know, being in class with me and we have these conversations that I don't sometimes I think when you're helping other people you're helping yourself as well. And so again like to be selfish and make yourself a better person. you have this way of I can't creating this energy that comes back to you. The more you give, sometimes the more you get back and it's pretty amazing.

[19:37] VL: Absolutely anything to give other people permission to put themselves first when they see you putting yourself first when they see you taking time for you and that self care and then effort. and they're like Oh wow, like, she's amazing. I also want to be amazing. I haven't even put myself first and it really does become so much bigger than that small habit we started with So thank you again, Suzanne This has been so lovely, and I'm so glad that your first podcast was with the women's department podcast so welcome and thank you.

SZ: Thank you Val!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!