E221: High Performance Habits

Something I witness often as a Healthy Habit Mentor are people trying to up-level their skills, advance their careers, and improve their lives BUT they’re wasting energy on the wrong actions and they aren’t moving forward. 

What those of us who feel “STUCK” need is a reliable set of practices for awakening our greatest potential and abilities! Today I’m going to show you six powerful systems that create your high performance habits…

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Intro

[01:00] If you’re new to the show, WELCOME! My name is Valerie LaVigne and I have a 5/1 profile in Human Design. The 1 translates to “Investigator.” Meaning I DIVE DEEP into topics that light me up. One of the things that really empowers me is helping other women reach their greatest potentials, and I do this through my mentorship/coaching services, as well as through this podcast!

One of the ways that I “investigate” is through reading books – mostly non-fiction – and this helps me create the best tools, programs, episodes, and more for my audience and clients. 

I just finished reading High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard and I needed to share it on the podcast with you!

I’ve done a few of these style episodes on the show featuring some other epic books like: Atomic Habits, Limitless, Grit, and The Four Tendencies. 

Other Highly Rated Personal Development Books

Previous “Book Report” style episodes:

Episode 212: Tiny Actions, Remarkable Results (Atomic Habits by James Clear)

Atomic Habit Book

Episode 199: Create LIMITLESS Habits (LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik)

Limitless Book

Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)

Grit Book

Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

The Four Tendencies Book

In these episodes, my intention is to share some of the key takeaways from the book, inspire you to also purchase the book to read yourself, and also to share with you how I apply these learnings within my coaching offers.

Where I Use these Learnings

There are currently three ways to work with me:

The first is through my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship. This is a customized, and intimate container where we work together and dive deep into your specific habits.

The second way to work with me is in our Healthy Habit Membership. This is a virtual community where we learn, and grow together through our habits, and also features special  monthly trainings.

And lastly, I host a 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge which runs 3-4 times per year. In this challenge you get a backstage pass into the monthly coaching program as well as extra support from me for 21 days. Our next challenge is coming up, so join the waitlist today!

Let’s get back to the book!

Who Are High Performers?

[03:32] As I mentioned the book is titled: HIgh Performance Habits, and subtitled: How Extraordinary People Become That Way

Burchard shares examples and stories of “high performers” throughout the book. In his research, programs, and life experiences, he uses the book to answer questions like:

1. (p.11) Why do some individuals and teams succeed more quickly than others and sustain that success over the long-term?

2. Of those who pull it off, why are some miserable and others happy on their journey? 

3. And What motivates people to reach for higher levels of success in the first place, and what kinds of habits, training, and support help them improve faster?

(p.17) In his words, “High performance, as I define it and as the data confirms, is not about getting ahead at all costs. It’s about forming habits that help you both excel in and enrich the full spectrum of your life.”

Burchard shares six deliberate habits that must be consciously chosen and continually revisited to strengthen our character and increase our odds of success. 

To do this, it’s important to move forward with curiosity, which is how I personally try to approach any new book, learning, workshop, training etc. When we can begin with curiosity, we can develop genuine confidence, versus if we were to go into a (new) situation with certainty, we can easily get stuck in our fixed/limited attitude. 

How the Book is Organized

[05:03] If you’ve listened to any of these “book report” style podcasts before, I want to remind you that this is NOT an audio reading of the book. Instead, I try to pull out some of the key points and share with you how I apply them in my work, and also how you can apply some of them today!

For the purpose of today’s episode, I want to share the six high performance habits. Overall, the book is organized into four main parts:

Part one: Introduction

Part two: Personal Habits (aka the first three high performance habits)

Part three: Social Habits (aka the last three high performance habits)

Part four: Sustaining success, otherwise known as the conclusion and a few extra notes of things to consider and look out for when taking action.

While I am going to focus on the habits themselves, I agree with something else Burchard mentions in the introduction of the book. He says to focus on implementing one of these habits at a time, and even with a focus on solely one of the habits, you will start to see how the other five habits improve and expand without any specific action to them.

This is true for all of our good, and bad habits – because as you know, not all habits are created equal! When you start to improve one area of your life, the other areas elevate in response.

My advice would be to listen to the whole episode first, and then choose which habit you want to start with – or if you’re choosing to read the book, same thing. Start with ONE thing at a time. 

YouTube version of this episode is available on my channel.

Burchard Categorizes the first three habits as “Personal Habits.” They are: Seek Clarity, Generate Energy, and Raise Necessity. Let’s take a look at each of them.

HP Habit #1: Seek Clarity

[07:18] I should also mention, within each habit, are three actions or more specific smaller habits, that can help you achieve the main habit. So I guess there aren’t six, but rather 18 habits in the whole book!

The first of the three practices for  “Seek Clarity”, is what Burchard calls “Envision the Future Four.” He’s referring to four categories: self, social, skills, and service.

This is all about getting crystal clear on your vision and intentions. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? Don’t just answer this right now as you’re listening, but daily.

Intention setting is one of my own practices I never miss, and is something I start every challenge, workshop, coaching session, and day with. I teach this in my trainings and I’ve talked about it a lot on the podcast.

Begin everything with an intention. When you figure out who you want to be, and how you want to succeed, you can then choose a Primary Field of Interest and hone in on the skills needed to be the best in this topic. 

Burchard shares a weekly journaling practice to complement this habit to come back to what your intentions, vision, and actions for self, social,skills, and service you want to achieve.

(p.95) For example:

(self) Three words to describe my best self…

(social) Three words that could define how I treat other people…

(skills) The five skills I’m trying to develop most in my life are…

(service) Three simple ways I can add value to those around me this week are…

In this chapter, and throughout the book, Burchard has journaling prompts like this one, that he calls “Performance Prompts.” I found these to be really helpful and insightful, however I ended up skipping over them while I read the book and revisited them after I finished reading. Similar to the tip I gave to you, I wanted to read the whole book before answering the questions so that I could focus on one practice at a time. I found it helpful to go back to them with a whole understanding and more clarity. 

Habit one, practice two: Determine the Feeling You’re After. If you’ve ever worked with me you know that we always start with FEELING. Not how you’re feeling now, or how you felt yesterday, but how do you WANT to feel? 

I was so thrilled to read this chapter of the book because I know, and my clients know, how powerful this practice is. When you can choose a feeling word, you can make more intentional choices throughout the day to help you connect to that feeling. It’s one of the simplest steps with some of the greatest impact.

Habit one, practice three:: Define What’s Meaningful. While some parts of the book felt a little repetitive, I also understand that all of these habits are closely related which is another reason why focusing on one of the habits can positively impact the others.

With this practice, Burchard emphasizes alignment. (p.13) “Achievement is not your problem – alignment is.” All of us have achieved goals in the past, but were these goals meaningful to us?

Part of seeking clarity is understanding and following our passion. With passion we have motivation to execute. 

Growth is another huge motivator. When we can see our growth, or how our impact grows, we are more likely to continue our efforts. 

Contribution is a huge part of success for many people. All of these pieces I’m mentioning here will be different for each of us. Our passions, growth, and contribution are unique to us personally. Understand what those mean to you.

Passion + Growth + Contribution = Personal Satisfaction. This gives meaning to us and our lives. What else? Feeling like our lives make sense, which is known as “coherence”

When we have these things, and connect to these parts, we have meaning. If you’re listening to this, you are a woman making an impact – and hopefully not just any impact, but a MEANINGFUL ONE.

Define your passion, acknowledge your growth, identify your contribution, and recognize your coherence to gain clarity in your meaning.

HP Habit #2: Generate Energy

[11:52] One of the most common complaints I hear from women working with me is that they lack energy, or they’re seeking more energy. When we break down their day-to-day, there are typically some key things that I recognize where we can block energy leaks, or little changes we can make to infuse more energy into the routines.

A big part of lacking energy is a lack of mindfulness. And I love this next practice from the book, which is habit two, practice one: Release Tension, Set Intention.

Setting the day with an intention is wonderful and impactful to your life. But what if you set an intention before EVERY interaction, situation, and activity? 

Getting in the habit of taking a short pause between tasks is life-changing. This is something I’ve been practicing for years! And funnily enough, I learned it from Brendon Burchard before reading this book. It’s a simple practice of closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths, releasing tension in the body and mind, and setting an intention for how you want to show up to what’s in front of you.

Whether that’s an email, a zoom call, time with family, relaxing with a book, or starting your workday. 

Habit two, practice two: Bring the Joy. This practice has a lot to do with emotional intelligence and being the agent of your own energy and wellbeing. 

One of the key learnings of my life was that I am responsible for my own energy, and I am not responsible for how others receive me or my energy. That also means, my responses to other people have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.

Burchard says, “joy is a prerequisite to high performance.” (p.110) and it’s a huge part of what makes High Performers so successful. 

You can ask yourself “What can I get excited about today?” to help you get excited about your activities. Practice anticipating positive outcomes for your day, actions, and goals.

Some practice that help achieve this joyful attitude are:

• Gratitude practice (such as a journal or meditation)

• Set a daily timer on your phone to remind you to “bring the joy”

• Choose someone you can surprise with a thank you gift or share your appreciation for them

Habit two, practice three: Optimize Health. I am no stranger to an overwhelming schedule, an endless task list, and the go-go-go society we live in. While I enjoy a full calendar, I know that a lot of what I do is not sustainable long-term.

What I will say, is that the reason why I am able to wear a lot of the hats that I wear and not burn out every other day, is BECAUSE of the habits, routines, rituals, and systems I’ve set up in my life and business. 

Health is a huge priority for me. I invest in this area of my life because I know how valuable being healthy is to everything that I do. 

Women who work with me know this also, and that is one of their reasons for working with me, it’s so that they can invest in this area of health and wellness, and build those habits that can allow them to make a meaningful impact.

HP Habit #3: Raise Necessity

[15:24] This chapter is quite lengthy and is specific to Performance Necessity which has internal and external forces. These are (internal): Identity and Obsession with a Topic/Process, and (external): Social Duty, Obligation, or Purpose, and Urgency (real deadlines).

To me, this is also a little repetitive with the first habit of seeking clarity. However, I understand why it is separate because it branches off into other areas. Let’s look at the practices for this habit for deeper comprehension. 

Habit three, practice one: Know Who Needs Your A Game. My biggest takeaway with this practice is that it’s important to be present. You can’t perform at your best if you’re distracted and your attention is divided. Again, you can ask yourself, “Who needs me at my A Game?” to get the clarity on where your attention needs to be at the moment.

This is about focusing on the important tasks at hand, and not getting distracted by the things that don’t matter.

Habit three, practice two: Affirm the Why. Knowing your why is similar to setting your intention and connecting to your desired feeling, so the next step is to declare it. Literally say it out loud, and often.

This is one of the things that is so powerful about working with a coach, it’s that you are physically speaking your why, and in turn affirming it. You also have the accountability from another person who can remind you of your why.

Speaking of other people, habit three, practice three: Level Up Your Squad. You’ve probably heard before that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Take a moment to consider who those five people are. Can you think of other friends, family, or acquaintances that you could spend more time with to level up your squad?

One of the things that I did early on in my entrepreneurial journey was find mentors who had books, podcasts, courses that I could consume. I spent hours listening to everything I could; while working out, when I was driving. It was a HUGE part of my growth and success.

Okay friends, you’re halfway there! I know this is a thick book hahaha, but honestly I really enjoyed it and I do recommend it!

The next three habits are Social Habits.

HP Habit #4: Increase Productivity 

[18:10] It’s a pretty shitty feeling when you’re so busy and don’t feel like you’re getting or have gotten anywhere. It’s the furthest action from meaning or purpose and really kills the joy. So it comes at no surprise that “Increasing Productivity” is a habit of High Performers.

Habit four, practice one: Increase the Outputs that Matter. Of course, there are things that must be done by us that we might not thoroughly enjoy. And if you’re always doing work that you don’t enjoy or find meaningful, then it’s likely that you will not feel balanced. 

One of the easiest ways we can do this is by taking a break. When it comes to work, Burchard recommends, “If you want to feel more energized, creative, and effective at work – and still leave work with enough oomph for the “life” part – the ideal breakpoint is to stop your work and give your mind and body a break every forty-five to sixty minutes.” (p.197)

That’s including the tasks that are moving the needle forward.

Speaking of moving, habit four, practice two: Chart Your FIve Moves. You may think multitasking is helping you achieve more, when it’s actually decreasing your productivity significantly (as much as 25% each time you task switch). 

By having your clear goals and intentions, you can focus on the outputs that matter and break those goals down into five moves that are going to have the most impact. 

This wasn’t necessarily a new concept for me to learn, but it was a great chapter with examples and tangible practices to progress in a meaningful way. 

A question you can ask to help you with this is, “If there were only five major moves to make [your] goal happen, what would they be?” (p.210)

This is something I want to bring into my own goals, as well as how I support my clients. There are always steps to take or “homework” so to speak, but I like that it’s specifically five moves. It helps keep the trajectory clear and concise. 

Habit four, practice three: Get Insanely Good at Key Skills (Progressive Mastery). I mentioned before, choosing a primary field of interest. What are the key skills that you can develop to help you thrive in this field?

There’s no doubt that personal growth and development is important and a priority to High Performers, and what makes it specific to their success is that the key skills are supporting their mastery. 

This obviously will be different for everyone. For myself, I am working at being a better leader, public speaker, and improving my video skills for my new Youtube channel. 

What about you? What skills are you working on? Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife

HP Habit #5: Develop Influence

[21:08] You can imagine that High Performers are also very influential. While I first you might think that having influence is not entirely in our control, “It turns out that no matter your personality, you can develop more influence in the world than you probably imagine.” (p.237)

To do this, focus on these three practices. Habit five, practice one: Teach People How to Think. Including how they think about themselves, about others, and about the world.

While the chapter goes into a lot of detail with examples and “performance prompts,” the best place to start with this practice is to ask the following questions:

• How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about themselves?

• How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about other people?

• How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about the world at large?

Answering these first will give you the clarity you need to move forward. In my own practice I want my clients to think of themselves as leaders. To think of themselves as worthy of achieving their goals and dreams. I want them to think of other people as supportive members of their own communities. They are people who are impacted by my clients, and also impact them. I want them to think of the world at large as an endless space of possibilities and opportunities for growth, change, love, and freedom.

Habit five, practice two: Challenge People to Grow. Okay so this is what I do in four words. Challenging people to grow means observing their character, contributions, and connections and actively challenging them to further develop these things. 

A lot of people come to me with habits or routines that aren’t working, and I use the ones that ARE working to help improve the other areas. Remember, when one area of your life starts to improve, so do all the other areas. 

Habit five, practice three: Role Model the Way. You might have already heard the quote “Be strong, you never know who you are inspiring.: Well HIgh Performers know that they’re inspiring people, and this goes beyond being or staying strong. 

How can you start showing up with integrity, joy, authenticity, and excellence?

Let’s wrap these incredible practices up, here is our last HIgh Performance Habit.

HP Habit #6: Demonstrate Courage

[23:44] Before reading this chapter I knew I was going to love it, and I also knew that this is an area that I’ve been neglecting in my own life for some time. Well that’s true and also I have habits that support my courage, but I also know that I could be doing better in this area.

Habit six, practice one: Honour the Struggle. A huge and empowering mindset shift for when you’re feeling like the world is against you, is to recognize the lesson in the challenge. How can I grow from this situation? What have I learned from this experience? How can I move forward with more strength, and wisdom?

Life isn’t always easy and joyful, but “this too shall pass,” and when it does, are you coming out stronger, or are you letting the struggle and pain define you and be excuses as to why you aren’t growing?

Habit six, practice two: Share Your Truth and Ambitions. When it comes to working with women, this is one of the most common and heartbreaking areas in which they’re lacking – yes even women who are making an impact. 

Even though it’s easier than ever for us to share our truth publicly with our audiences and communities, it’s just as easy to be ridiculed for them. Whether we’ve felt the need to hold back and stay small because of childhood, generational trauma, or not having the tools, I definitely recognized that this practice is… under practiced!

And if there is one thing that I have learned from hosting this podcast these last few years, it’s that your voice, your story, and your truth matter. People care, and people are listening, and people WANT to learn and grow from you. So share your truth and ambitions with the world.

Habit six, practice three: Find Someone to Fight For. I like the way Burchard says this so I’m going to quote the book for this one:

“We need a noble cause to rise for. High performers tend to make that cause just one person – they want to fight for that person so they can be safe, improve, or live a better quality of life. You will do more for others than for yourself. And in doing something for others, you will find your reason for courage, and your cause for focus and excellence.” (p.371)

Your Next Steps

[26:12] If you want to move the needle toward progress, start with one of these habits. Choose one to commit to for the next month at least. Track your progress in a journal, or podcast, or video – however you like to share and measure your success.

If you’re looking for more books like this one, more tools for growth, or you’re ready to deepen your transformation with healthy habits, I’d love to invite you to apply for my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program, to see if working together would be the right fit.

www.valerelavignelife.com/mentorship 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E220: Step into Your Magnetic Power Unapologetically with Shae McLeod

Today I’m excited to introduce you to, Realtor, Investor, Mindset Coach & Entrepreneur. 

Shae McLeod’s dynamic personality and passion for helping others really shines through in this episode as she shares her story with us!

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[00:45] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm very thrilled to introduce you to our new guest today. This is Shae in the cloud and she and I have been getting to know each other. I think it's been a couple of months now.

But we actually met at exhale Pilates. And what I want to say before you get into your story and all the amazing things that you do is that when I first met you, you really took my breath away and I really view this as a compliment because you came in and you have this really lovely aura about you. You have this like competence and doing something new. So most of the time when I have new people coming to the studio who have never been on a reformer before, there's this cautious energy about them and they are excited, but they're really nervous and I feel I feel like when I met you, you came in and you're like, I'm ready for this change in this new thing and I'm excited and as I got to know you I kind of understand that a little bit more. You are someone who dirt bikes and you have this incredible team of empowered women and you know, just it starts to the pieces of the puzzle start to come together and you're like, okay, yes, this all makes sense now but at first, it was just a really incredible First meeting you gave me a great first impression. I loved our conversation. and so I'm thrilled to have you on the podcast today. So thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.

[02:21] Shae McLeod: Thank you so much. This is honestly this is so exciting and I definitely you know I love that you picked up on like aura and just how excited I was to be there. I love living my life trying new things and just kind of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. and when I went into the studio, I was like, Oh my gosh, I have no idea what I'm doing but I was so excited to be there and you made the experience so pleasant so exciting for me so I am really happy to be here and I can't wait to dive a little bit deeper into my story with you guys.

VL: That's so great because I'm glad you said dive right in because you really do dive in with two feet. Jump in with two feet I've noticed. So take us behind the scenes into what you do and how you got to where you are and then let's dissect that a little bit more because I really think your story is something that people can really feel empowered by and inspired from. I know I certainly do so in your own words. Tell us about yourself. 

SM: Thanks so much. Okay, so I will start with my name is Shae McLeod. I am an investor focus realtor, and I have a real estate team. We operate in multiple markets across Ontario. And we are called McLeod and Associates. We are a team of strong, successful female entrepreneurs who are really just trying to make a difference, kind of outside of the typical real estate team. You know, the vibe that a lot of teams put out and just show that we're great. We're great women, successful women doing honest business and really trying to change the lives of clients to the other side of the fat. I also have a professional fun hammer.

I grew up on a farm 100 acre hobby farm. I was a farm girl most people I still am most people don't think I am because they see me and my work outfits but I grew up on 100 acre hobby farm. I had cows chickens goats horses. To this day I still ride horses I dirt bike anything that has wheels that goes fast off road. I love to be on so as you said I loved her biking that's just like one of my guilty pleasures. That's one of the ways that I enjoy just taking it all in and just getting back to myself clearing my head but also having fun. On the side of that I also invest in real estate so I invest in short term rentals and multifamily investments across Ontario and Alberta. So I have 20 plus unit and building apartment building in Calgary and I also have some short term rentals outside of bath in Canmore, Alberta as well as I have STRS in Muskoka. So I think anybody who has actually spoken to me or follows me on social so that I have this very deep calling towards just being outdoors surrounded by water and trees. I've been like that since I was a kid.

I'm very intuitive and very empathic and so going up north and just being in nature, something that just recharges my soul. And so I spend a lot of time up there. As I think you saw I leave moving up there in about a week.

So yeah, it's pretty I definitely try to keep my life interesting on all ends. I'm never not doing something that I think that's just what makes my life, really.

I enjoy spending a lot of time with my family and you know, my girls on my team, they're a big part of my family as well as my clients. So I would say I'm a very well versed person, but I also enjoy, you know, taking time out to really enjoy life, whether it's traveling, writing before spending time and just relaxing. I really do try to push out the importance of just keeping your mindset in a very healthy place. And whether that's through you know, regular things like going to Pilates or just taking time to just be alone and just meditate. I really do encourage people to do that. That's kind of one of the ways that I live my life so that I can keep my energy in a very high peak state. and it's been working.

[06:32] VL: Yeah, it's definitely been working and I think what makes you so magnetic is that you invest in yourself and your hobbies and the things that you love and as much as your business is so successful and your team of these really is growing.

They obviously are attracted to to your aura into your energy as well. But it's like, because you are doing what you're doing. It gives people this permission to also step into their own power and into their own interests and be able to invest in them on them, their own selves and again, it magnifies and it just keeps listening, inspiring and igniting people to do the cool things and to, you know, not have to be stuck to one way of being and I really see this in your marketing and your socials. I've never seen a relative to be promoted.

Honestly, look like you're just like, wait, are these the new Spice Girls?

[07:47] SM: Oh, that's perfect. And you know what that was? A very big thing for me. I gotta be completely honest with you. When I created my real estate team, it was a very unorthodox approach. At the time. My business partner and I we had a renovation company and we were working on a lot of local projects in kW and surrounding areas. And we reached a point where we were working with realtors regularly whether it was for work or for our own personal investments, and things that we had on the go. And I had this horrific experience with the realtor and I think you know, for it was for a few reasons. I think one of them was the fact that we were really young. And I do think that sometimes, you know, millennials are underrepresented, especially in the real estate field. And so sometimes people don't take you as seriously or you don't get treated with the same amount of you know, customer service that you would expect You deserve.

To find it was happening too often until one day I got really frustrated and I said to myself, Okay, you know what, I'm gonna do this. I don't know I'm gonna do it better. And I I would definitely consider myself a fixer. If I see a problem. If I can't find something to help you do what I need help with, then I will create it and I will do business out of it. And so I've done that to my real estate team. I've done that through investing and I've also got my property management company that I hope to Muskoka and one of the big things for me when I got my real estate license was i i spent a lot of time really struggling with my identity and growing up and so when I say that I I grew up in Scarborough. I was born in Scarborough. I lived in Scarborough for about three years.

But I grew up in poverty. My mom she came here as an immigrant from Jamaica, and she was very young when she came, and she had myself she had two brothers and my cousin, as well as three other cousins. And we all live in a not so wonderful location in Scarborough. And we lived in a two bedroom and this was an apartment building. And so to have that many people in an apartment building, it was very it was very chaotic is what I would say there was always food on the table. My mom made sure that my brothers and I we always had a wonderful experience just like anybody else. But it was definitely very different. And then when there's three my mom reconnected with a love of her life from high school who had also emigrated to Canada, and he actually was living in the country. And so my mom packed all of us city kids up and was like, let's go and we're going to a farm. And it was very interesting, because at the time there weren't many black people. In this really small school community that we lived in. So it was a complete culture shock. And even at my high school, I think there was like one or certainly not in high school and public school there was like, I think there was one other kid who was the next kid who was also there. So again, it was a very big culture shock because I went from city life to living on a farm with responsibility with chores, you know, caring for animals being on 100 acres being in a place where, you know, we didn't have city buses that could pick you up, you know, and so it was very interesting for me because it taught me quite a bit about just how much a change like that can affect you in for you know, my teenage years. I really struggled with who I wanted to be. Did I want to be fancy che who gets up or hair was the next makeup and you know or do I want to be country rochet he just wants to sit back hang out with my animals in the field with no shoes on my feet. And it wasn't until my transition after high school where I decided I'm just going to be if I want to go and if I want to be rochet che that's where I'm going to be and if I want to you know decided that I want to be you know, this version of shame where I'm all decked out ready for work. i That's who I'm going to be as well. So basically kind of amalgamated both of my personalities into one and I started to embrace it. I embrace being different. I really just I really encourage people around me to do the same. I don't you know, I think that at the time society had really tried to make everybody so much alike. And I feel like when you can live your life in a way where you just stand out no matter what you stay true to you, that's when you really shine. So when I got my license and I was looking around real estate teams to become part of I really struggled because I didn't find a team that I felt represented me. And I had spent so many years of my life struggling with who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be and who I wanted to be known as that I didn't want to just align with any and every real estate team. I wanted one that spoke to who I was, but I also wanted one that really made me helps me to kind of continue my career whether that was in real estate or investing.

And I couldn't find one. So I said you know what? I had a conversation with my broker. A good friend of mine now and he had asked me to go on his team and I respectfully declined. and he said to me, che you got this crazy look in your eyes and I see it like, you're gonna go off and you're gonna be a real commitment. you're gonna make your own team. he's like, I can just see it. And that's exactly what I did.

So I went off for a year as a solo agent. I started putting together a business plan of what I wanted to look like.

A year later, it was a really crazy transition in my life where, you know, the perfect path that I had been on myself and my business partner's time, it kind of ruptured going quickly.

And I was definitely in a sink or swim kind of place. and I said, you know what, this sounds crazy because so many things are falling apart. that I really didn't want to put the time fall apart. But something in me, saying, Go girl, you got to put everything you have into this vision into this into this, you know, I had this vision of who I am now.

Back then when I was super young, I'm just kind of still living paycheck to paycheck or starting a new career. And I went to my team. I started reaching out to women that I know.

Back then when I was super young, I'm just kind of still living paycheck to paycheck or starting a new career. And when I went to my team, I started reaching out to women that I know And that in the past women that were just friends or in social circles, women that I knew who had been through some really crazy things, Things that be whatever through and have been able to come out of it to this wonderful version.

But an apologetic version of themselves. I joined forces with these women that I created. And so we get a lot. We get a lot of questions. about our marketing. 

Super successful, beautiful young women and we're, you know, we have a very big dream. And people say to me, Do you only hire pretty people? I'm like, No. Like, what defines pretty like is for me pretty is more than just like your physical appearance. It's who you are inside and every single one of these women that I was so grateful to be in business today. They have a beautiful heart and they genuinely care about people and they've been through so much that I really do feel like it adds such a creative edge to our team. We're very diverse, which I also love and it's honestly been a big thing. I was able to take my experience and the things that I went through and to help these women build a career in a space that they love, while helping other clients who, honestly most of our clients, if not all turned into very good friends. It's been pretty cool. because you know the version of who I am now. I saw this version of me five years ago. I just had no idea how I was gonna get there, but I just knew This is my dream. This is my goal. I'm gonna get there. if I didn't give up. put the work in And here I am.

[16:14] VL: Oh, my goodness, I learned so many more things about you that I knew before this call. So wow, what an incredible journey that you've been on and I really do. Also recognize that fire in your eyes and I know that this is the success of associates and for yourself too as an individual. This is so exciting. Congratulations on all of this. Wow.

SM: It's a lot and it's interesting because I don't always tell my story because a lot of people are very quick to judge the book by its cover and you will meet me. They see the glamour side of che but they don't know that.

They don't know the things that I've been through in my life My family's been through. So to be able to take all those things and using as ammunition and fuel to just be determined to rise and be determined to be successful. And one of my biggest things is my mom has been she's been one of my biggest supporters. Since day one. I went to school twice. I have two very expensive pieces of paper. And I'm super grateful for it. But I reached at you know, my early 20s I was like I can't do this for 30 years and then just got a regular pension and work nine to five towards somebody else's dream and then be told I can only go on vacation for four weeks out of a year. I realized that I can't do this. And you know when I went to my mom and I'm like Nam, think I gotta go back to school. You know, like, this real estate thing is still on my conscious. Like I feel it. I gotta go for it. But I was so wrapped up in student debt. And I'm like, financially I have no idea how I'm gonna do this. And even though she's like you know what Third time's the charm. She said to me, honey, you know what, don't worry about it. You want to do this? I will support you and she had funded my she's given me a loan for me to get my real estate license and I promised her I said, Mom, I'm gonna pay you back. I'm going to pay you back with interest and I'm going to make the rest of your life the best of her life because truly, she my mom was very much like me where you know, she always would find a way to make things work for my brothers and I so we've never, we never realized we weren't you know, we were living at the poverty line because she did what she could so that you had the same experiences. And one of my greatest blessings about you know, my career is the things that I've been able to do for her the places that I've been able to take her and we can travel to together and even you know, one of my biggest goals I was writing down three years ago was I wanted to buy her a brand new car. So you know, when I got my real when I got my license, and I was really young, she bought me my very first car. And I said to myself, You know what? I don't know how much you know, we never know when our time on this earth is out but the last thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna buy her a vehicle.

​​I was able to buy her a brand new Ford Bronco. And that to me was so exciting because she literally believed in my vision, and helped to find my vision until I can now pay her back and do the small things. to show her how much I appreciate it. so yeah, that's pretty cool.

[19:32] VL: Oh, my goodness, I have goosebumps. I'm teary. I was not prepared for this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now. What an incredible woman to have in your life. Which was, as you were saying, your story kind of answered a question that I had was this drive.  I can see that a lot. If it does come from your story in your background. Now someone else?

A challenging upbringing or chaotic family situation as you described. What would you say to someone who has those big goals and dreams and is struggling with their environment or their resources or lack thereof? What would you say to that person?

[20:33] SM: Well, I would actually, I would remind them of a quote that one of my agents who's also a very close friend of mine, Taylor Mercado, said to me, There's this quote and it says, you know, the only way out is through.

And I think it resonates so deeply with me because there are hardships in every different aspect of her life. Every new version of you is going to come with some sort of Heartbreak. Or some sort of very hard, frustrating situation. And the best thing you need to do is when you're in those situations, you have to see it through. You have to recognize the situation for what it is. But at that point, you also have to plan your way out and you have to just keep going. That is I think a lot of people get super stuck with just a hard circumstance where they have why me and you know, and trust me, you're gonna go through those times in life where things feel impossible, but you can't give up on that life that you've pictured for yourself. You can't give up on your dreams. You can't give up on your goals. I'm very big and manifesting very big. When it comes to vision boards and creating your future. Every single agent on my team, they are into it as well because I kind of showed them like I showed them my vision boards. I've showed them my goals and things that I've manifested. And I think you know, a lot of people they just get so sidetracked thinking, this is going to be easy, but when you're working to the life of your dreams, it's going to be hard. But you're going to come out with so much stronger and if you give it and give up. You're always going to regret what if I just saw it through what if I just stayed the course. And so one of the things that I believe in is just recognizing where you're at. And when you're stuck waiting for a situation that's just not you know, you're not deserving or you're just in a place where you're really low. You got to see it for what it is. Take your time and heal through it. And keep going. Don't stop going. Like I said when I will side story. I have lots of side stories. But I remember when I was getting my real estate license, there was one course and I failed this course five times and like I was so frustrated because I was working a full time job. I was managing a renovation business, my business partner and I had and I was studying for a real estate license. Oh, and I was also working as a part time bridal stylist once and I wasn't focused, and I kept failing this exam. And every time I failed the exam my partner at the time he would be like don't worry, you caught this got this. And then I failed it.

You know they say third time's a charm. Well, that's a lie, because fourth time came when I failed it again. And then when I failed it my partner at the time said to me you know I don't really think that you're cut out for for this like, I don't think this is the right career for you because you just keep battling so maybe you don't have what it takes. And I just remember I was driving through the survey. Go on my way home. And I was so pissed because at the time that was my partner, you know, they're supposed to be pushing you up and encouraging you and basically this person was like, on the way out of the relationship. I kept failing with this test. And so one day I just got got so mad I was driving home and like you know what? I don't care if I have to write this stupid text 20 times. I don't get back to writing 100 times. I'm gonna keep writing it until I pass it because I'm gonna pass it and I'm gonna get my license. And it was at that moment. I saw in my head. Like I saw my mind's eye I would say, I saw this Shae. I saw Boss Shae i saw them women and the clients but people aren't going to help out. I'm like, okay, I'm doing this. I'm doing this come hell or high water and nobody's gonna stop me. And I feel like it was at that time I really started pursuing this career for me.

And I think that's another big thing is that whenever you're working towards a goal or a dream, it has to be about If you make it about somebody else, whether it's your parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, it's you're not going to get the same level of satisfaction. you're not going to be invested. When you make it a personal, personal thing that you have to have, you have a very different vibe in your eyes.

You know, it was that person that I had what it took that stood the back up and I'm like, Let's go cry, study and it was right after that. I passed that test!

[25:11] VL:  Congratulations again. That's amazing. And I feel like you're answering my questions before I asked them but in the industry that you're in, but also just young, business owner, young entrepreneur, I mean, I hear it all the time too. You're too young for this or how do you know that or you need another 10 years of experience for this or whatever the criticism is, or it's not for you. And it comes from the industry. It comes from partners, it comes from people who aren't really your clients, but find you somehow and you share this story about that voice in your head that says No, I can do the hits. Are there other things that help you move through that criticism that helped you overcome the noise around you? What are some of the other things that support you in your journey?

SM: I would say you know, one of the big things I feel like everything kind of comes from somewhere. And so I'll never forget, you know, when I had recently started my team, I remember I had a very big client, a $3 million client and that's it's hard to find clients like that, especially when you're newer in the industry, especially when you're young. And this person believed in me, gave me a shot and I was not going to let them down. And you know, I remember pulling up meeting them for the first time and they were pulling up to a property and I pulled up with at the time I was driving a Mercedes at $90,000 car at the time. That was a lot of money for a nice car. And he said to me, Wow, nice car. Like, you know, you look really young. So like how are you? How are you driving this car and it  was pretty incredible for me because I remember growing up as a kid. 

We didn't get things handed to us. But you said very resentful during my rebellion years with my parents because we had chores before we got on the school bus for milking  cows, and goats milking cows and we had a lot of chores and putting a lot of sweat on. Nothing was given to us for free.

They really instilled in me as I got older the value of hard work, the value of discipline, the value focused and just putting in the time because most people don't.

As I got older my business things that are trying to get people to stay focused on is just what you bring to the table.

One of the biggest, you know, one of the biggest roadblocks and I personally believe that a personal encounter in their life is their mind. Your mind will help you create your life. Your mind will help you get every single thing to dream or turn it around every single day. You know, I think it's Jim Rohn who says you need to stay on guard to your mind, that to me it's so powerful. Because you have to know you have to know why you're on this path to where you're going. You can't leave that up to anybody else. And I think that that's been one of my you know, I call it like you know, one of my secrets. That really helps me with my success when you know who you are. And I think it sounds so trite and like mundane, but there's a lot of people who are traveling around this world they don't even know who they are as a person and I say when you know who you are unapologetically, you know that you're made for more and you're meant to change the lives of others. That is a gift that I feel like you know, everybody comes to this world at a certain blueprint. And when you know what that is, your mission is to just spread that everywhere. And so I've become so I know who I am. I've spent so many years, you know, in healing and just discovering more.

So now, you know, that's one of my biggest assets is you know, I know who I am, where I'm going, the life I'm gonna live, the people I'm gonna surround myself with and the amazing things I'm going to accomplish for myself and others. And I say that because I'm not distracted by other people and their other concerns and thoughts and so yeah, like I think the biggest thing is just becoming you know, so in tune with who you are that the white noise in the background.

It doesn't even matter. It doesn't affect you. If somebody were to you know, one of the big things our team gets is wow, you first look so like stuck up like you're so serious and it's intimidating. And I'm like, Are we intimidating? Are you intimidated? Because if you take a second and you walk up to me, we will welcome you into our arms and we will talk to you like we are not we are very approachable people. And so, you know, it's one of those things where if somebody were to come and say, hey, you know what, Val, you're not a good person. Well, you know, that's not true because you are a wonderful person. You've created part of your life mission to help people and so it's just white noise It doesn't affect you because you are so unapologetically yourself that all that stuff that can't get in your you know, you're standing on guard to your mind and when you protect that at all costs, that's when you really elevating your life. And so, if I'm at a bomb in a place where you know, I have a lot on the go with work and you know, things are kind of going sideways. I'm really stressed out. I don't keep working. You can ask the girl the girls know, like, okay Shae’s off, I will catch me riding a horse, or hey Shae is going dirt biking. today. I really do take time to protect my energy to protect my mind. And when I'm tired, I rest I don't give up. I rest and then I keep going. And so yeah, I think honestly just being in tune with who you are and what you do, and I think a big part of my you know, healing journey honestly has been Pilates. This has been something that I've been interested in for over a year and I couldn't find that the right place and speaking with another contact who come a girlfriend in the same investment space, and they were like go to exhale. I'm like okay, it's like 45 minutes from me, but I'm going And I remember the first time my first session I had so much stress, Like I there's always stress that's going to be in your life as a realtor or as an entrepreneur.

To make matters even more interesting, I have ADHD and so I'm always going and I remember after my first class, I walked out of there, I was like, holy smokes, my mind felt relaxed. I felt so calm and at ease and it was you had switched up the movement so quickly that you know I didn't have  ADHD brain where I was getting bored. like, there was always something that I was focusing on. and I was like, wow, I gotta go to more of these classes like this is terrible.

So yeah, I would say honestly, it's just protecting your mental health and protecting your energy. and just knowing apologetically who you are, and when you know you're here to do good, there's nobody else's opinion that can get to you. because, you know, in my world, people who are just kind of coming at you with negativity, it's because they're in a negative space. and I work so hard at keeping my energy in check, that whenever I feel that coming towards me I'm just like, backup, we're done.

[33:00] VL:Well, thank you so much for coming to exhale, because I'm so glad that we could meet that way. And speaking to that, you know, the story of people. Are they intimidated by you? Are you intimidating? I think that part of that aura is that you are so confident and sure on your own true self and you live authentically when someone isn't living authentically and they aren't expressing their true selves.

And so of course, they're gonna project and say, Oh, you're intimidating, actually. No, I'm whole and myself. And so that scares people who who don't have that same confidence. 

SM: So yeah, and it wasn't really always that's the big thing. Those people who know me from high school and my public school and like even growing up I was very interesting person. I had a speech impediment that started very young. So I started are like really bad. And that took me years to get through that transition and I wasn't confident in my looks you know, I I got made fun of often because at the time like growing up I had a gap between what am I at like in between my friend tea but had a big nose. I had big lips and big boobs. And people were like, wow, like you're not this like cookie cutter. And honestly, I used to. I was so I would let those opinions get to me. And then one day, that was when I would say shade was born. I was like no more. I'm just gonna embrace this and whoever's gonna like it, they're gonna like it and who does it doesn't and that's okay. You know, I'm not everybody's cup of tea and vice versa, and you just have to surround yourself with the people who gravitate towards you that have that great energy, and the ones who don't, that's okay.

[34:58] VL: What were some of the things that you did help you tune into your own true self and know who you are? Because you are so many different things that make up you, right? Like we're not just our job. We're not just where we came from. We're not just our hobbies and interests. We're all of these things. So how are you able to tune into all of that and step into your own truth?

SM: I would say the biggest part has been my family.

Very close with my family, very close with my siblings, my nieces. And you know, these are people who see me, they've seen happy Shae, sad Shae, they've never judged me. They've always been there. They support me, and they're like my cheerleaders. And so I would say, you know, a really healthy relationship with your family is very important. That was number one. Number two was therapy. And I say this because I am the person that every single person in my friend group when things are going wrong. My phone's ringing, They're at my door. I'm the fixer. And I've been like that since I was a kid. I believe that my empathic and intuitive nature, which brings a lot of this to me, will naturally feel comfortable coming to me and opening up about things that they're going through. 

And as much as I enjoy doing it, and I still love doing it, I didn't have my own element. And I had so many people who were coming to me about their problems all the time, that at times people didn't see things that I was going through. And when I finally decided to go and speak to somebody, it was very hard for me because I was a person who if somebody didn't see the value, I was just kind of struggling with Hey, do you believe this? And I met a phenomenal, phenomenal counselor and she is still in my life to this day. We have monthly check-ins and you know, sometimes they're literally just like a hey, how's it going? I always say cuz she sent me like, hey, Shay, like you don't need me anymore. And I'm like, No, Allison, like, we're friends now. You know too much about my life. And we have these like monthly touch bases. You know, I've helped her put together a woman's program that she's using to help change the lives of other women. I think the big thing is when you have a strong, competent personality and that you are that person.

We tend to keep a lot of things inside, which can overtime break us down. So if you're not looking for those healthy outlets to let those things out, have that space where you can just talk about the things that are going on in your head or how you're feeling judged or criticized and critiqued, I think it's so important and so there was a game changer for me.

So I would say, you know, I would say, you know, getting your Mental Health Check is huge. Because I think it's the strongest people and people who are there for everybody who sometimes need the extra help the most. And I think that it's okay to get that. I think people think, Hey, you got it. Something's wrong with you. but your mental health is all you have. So if it's not in check, it's very hard to be successful or maintain the level of success that's gonna keep you going. And so yeah, therapy was one.

And I would say the other transition was, you know, just owning who you are. I think we live in a generation where people are, you know, they're made to want to look like everybody else. Talk like everybody else. Act like everybody else has the same lifestyle. You know, get to school, get a great job, get married, have kids by the house.

And, you know, and I used to be one of those people. I was like, 25 years old, the guy I was dating at the time, I was like, you know, like, are you in this for the long run or what because don't waste my time. This is my last my 20s and they took that relationship falling apart for me to really realize like, you know, I'm not doing everything according to plan. I am taking the unbeaten path. I don't have a family. I don't have a spouse. I don't have kids, but I have so much more in my life that I'm grateful for that I didn't have and I know that my time is coming, I'm gonna get all those things. And so I just had to own who I was and my situation and just, you know, see the situation as it is, but don't see it as worse than it is and so, I feel like when you can look at you know, life in with that kind of mentality. And that mindset, it really does help. Because, again, I think every single morning, you know, there's all these battles that you have to fight and the biggest one I think is your mental health. 

So one of the strategies that I've been doing SEO for the last seven years, is I wake up when you wake up, that is when you decide what your day is going to be like in either grab my phone, and I can look at my 50 Plus emails. or I can go on social media, and I can see, you know, positive things and negative things in the news.

I can open my gratitude journal, and I can write down five things I'm grateful for at that moment. And it's honestly such a powerful exercise. I would recommend anybody who would do this, go to the dollar store, get a book and write five things. and I write that as the first thing I do when I wake up. and that is the last thing I do.

So it can be something as you know, I love waking up to the sun.

So I always leave with the curtains open. When I wake up in the sun shining in I'm like Hello. Okay, let's get this day, like, I love it.

You know what I bet it can be something as grateful for as simple as you know. I work closely with every single feature on my team and I have conversations with all of them on a regular basis and it can be as simple as a simple conversation for something as simple as you know, last night I fell asleep holding my things, small things that just make her happy. Whatever it is that makes you feel sad from the inside out, Write it down. And it's been a wonderful practice that has really helped me do the other thing that I do every single day, and this before I start my workday or do any kind of cleaning call is my goal journal.

This one is actually on my computer because it's the fastest way that I can access it. So I sit down and I write down between, like, starting off as 10 goals.

And now it's at 30 Because I always know as you keep getting better and I started giving myself some really hard goals and like okay universe let's see if I can do this. We just put it down. And, you know, I keep rewriting these new goals and adding new goals until I achieve them. And when I achieve my goal, I celebrate it. I think people get so caught up with working Hustle Hustle all gas no brakes has been too like your body is basically breaking down.

I don't believe in that. I believe in treating yourself. I believe that we have one life to live and we're not meant to just sit here and work. And so when I achieve a goal, I will do things whether that's going out to take myself out. I'm one of those weird people I take myself out for dinner by myself. Just cut And or you know me taking a vacation or you know me by myself something special. I do take the time to spoil myself and treat myself, especially when I hit a goal because I think goals are massive. targets that when you achieve them, they deserve recognition. So, that will be another thing that I would recommend.

And I would say just keep your body active. This is one of the continuing goals that is still on my list that I'm still working on. And that's what brought me to you.

I do you know, I think staying fit is very important for you not just mentally but physically. And over the last two years I went through a crazy experience that really catapulted my health and mental health and my physical health. And I finally got to this place where I was like, okay, girl, Let's go. it's time to do something about this. So I went and joined another gym and got a new trainer. And that was amazing. it's still great. I enjoy going. I love my trainer. He's phenomenal. We want to have fun together.

But I was like I need something that's going to reset my mind. And so one of the things you know that I can say is I never really I didn't really practice yoga, but something about Pilates spoke to me and that has been huge when it comes to just keeping myself focused.

Yeah, I think it's very important to just have those specific outlets, as well as just having a group of what I call more people. These are people who are going to be there for you during the highs or the lows, people who you can really go to and you can just tell them how you're feeling. You can communicate with them, they support you, they give you ideas. To this day, you know, even when I'm making decisions I will call agents on my team individually be like, Hey, Taylor, like what do you think about this? Hey, Caitlin, what about this and they're like, they love that I trust their opinion, and I trust their judgment. and I'm just offering you know, looking for advice. and so I do think that people that you surround yourself with really do help.

That's probably one of the hardest transitions I would say as you build your business and as you start going with you know, your life and be more successful. There's a lot of people from my past who I genuinely love. They've been wonderful to me, but I do believe in friendship. Everything has a certain season in life.

[43:34] VL: Oh my goodness, you have. You have taught us so much about ourselves connected into who we are: confidence, energy, stepping into being unique and different. I mean, what happened? What happened to us today? This has been such an amazing conversation. I feel like I could talk to you for hours longer. But I also want to respect your time. So before we get into the very last segment of today's show, let us know where we can find you. where we can follow you and how we can support your business?

Instagram | @mcleodandassociates

Website | https://shaemcleod.ca/

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

SM: Oh, okay. Wow, David Goggins. So you guys, I grew up in a very tough upbringing. My parents were old school Jamaicans So one of the recent authors and I've taken a great liking to David Goggins, It is mental health. here's his ability to stay strong. and to just keep pushing through any set like hard, you know, circumstances admirable so, his book never finished. I read this for the third time and read it again. it's his newest book. Oh, my it is amazing.

AMAZON: Never Finished by David Goggins

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

SM:  Empowerment empowerment to me just means taking things that you have the natural ability to offer to other people and sharing it? Whether that's builders time, success, stories, motivation, opportunities, empowerment to me, it's just taking all of those things and if you see somebody who is struggling or who could use a little bit of what you have naturally is providing a to offer.

You know, there's a little African proverb that says if you want to go fast, If you want to go far go together. So I believe in helping whenever and wherever you can.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

SM: Dirt biking. I don't know. there's the thrill for me and just being on the back end.

4. What are you currently working toward?

SM: What are we currently working towards? Well, my coaching program. So this is something that I offer, you know, being a realtor and being an investor focus realtor. I've spent hours talking to my clients mindset, talking to them about just short term rental coaching or investments. in general. I believe that, you know, the fastest way to generational wealth and the most sustainable way to generational wealth is through investing in real estate. and I spent hours you know, offering this service free to my clients and I had reached out to shoot, why don't you start a coaching program like you do this naturally. You're so good at it and so that is something that I am working on

It’s not just Real estate if you're a person who's just looking, you know, if you're in a rut and you're stuck, you're like, I don't know where I'm going with my life. I don't know what I'm doing. you just need that extra hand up. This is the kind of service that my mindset coaching offers. It is called life by design, coaching and consulting. and so yeah, I'm super excited about it. it's something I'm very passionate about, and I just wanted to take everything that I learned along my journey and share it with as many people as I can because I do believe in helping out, you know, wherever you can. So, yeah.

[50:47] VL: I'm so excited for you and I can't wait for that to launch and I will share all of that, like I said in the show notes. Shae, thank you so much for spending time today for sharing your story so openly for sharing such incredible wisdom, and I mean you're so young.

You're so young and I know that there is so much more you're going to learn and share and teach others with so I'm very excited to get to know you and to be working with you. I can't wait for your bright future.

SM: Thank you. This is an amazing opportunity that you know, I genuinely love talking about and so I really, I'm so grateful to have met you and to have been you know led to to exhale because I definitely felt that instant connection. I'm like, I like her like I gotta be her lots. This is so much fun. This has been like I really can't. I can't even express to you what coming into Pilates and learning and even just meeting you and learning more about your story has done for my life. So likewise, I appreciate you and I appreciate this amazing opportunity to just share my story and I hope to empower you to know some of your listeners and just be very glad to be here. So I'm excited to see what the future has in store and know what's going to be great and I'm very excited to continue my relationship with you and getting to know you better and seeing both of us thrive in our businesses.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E219: Your Daily D.O.S.E. of Happiness

I read recently that if you want to be more productive, watch a funny video or comedy skit before getting to work on that project. Today I’m going to share why this works and how you can increase your levels of happiness every day!

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[00:44] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. Before we get into today’s episode I wanted to take a moment to share my gratitude and appreciation with you.

Whether you are a long time, or new listener of the podcast, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I would honestly not be here if it wasn’t for you and your support. I also want to take a moment to CELEBRATE WITH YOU!

The Women’s Empowerment Podcast has reached over 100 000 downloads this week which is SO FREAKING COOL AND it was also my birthday a couple days ago so that felt like a fun birthday surprise and extra celebrations. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this happen! If you haven’t already I would love to invite you to review the podcast. You can leave a thoughtful review on Apple Podcasts, and a star rating on Spotify. Rating and reviewing the show helps it reach more people and benefit more lives. It would mean the world to me to receive and read that.

I mentioned right at the intro of this podcast episode that watching a funny video before working on a big project can actually make you more productive, and it’s true!

When you laugh your brain releases neurotransmitters which is a signaling molecule that is secreted by a neuron to affect another cell across a synapse or junction between two nerve cells. In its simplest explanation, laughing sends chemical signals from your brain to your body that make you feel happier!

These happiness chemicals and hormones hugely affect our mental, emotional, and physical health. Learning what they are, and how to increase them can support you in creating habits, routines, and rituals to better serve and support your body and wellness.

You may be familiar with these four “happiness chemicals:” Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. Let’s break them down.

[02:52] Dopamine

Dopamine is known as “the reward chemical.” It enables learning, motivation, and pleasure. We need dopamine because it gives us the determination to accomplish our goals, as well as our needs and desires.

This chemical is triggered by acts of short term pleasure. It touches five brain receptors and is addictive. We are always wanting more. To increase our dopamine levels in a healthy way, we can:

• Complete a task on our to do list

• Pamper ourselves with self-care routines

• Try something new

• Appreciating every bite of food

• Celebrate little wins

When we are deficient in dopamine we might procrastinate, experience low self-esteem, have low energy or fatigue. We will probably lack motivation and focus, which can also lead to feelings of anxiousness, hopelessness, and possibly mood swings.

The everyday problem is that our brain is always wanting and craving dopamine. While it gets dopamine from checking the box on your to-do list, and positive social interactions, it also gets dopamine from mindless scrolling or spending! The problem being that the brain doesn’t know the difference between good and bad social interactions. 

Checking social media, emails, and messages first thing in the morning gives you a super dose of dopamine. Along with putting you into a sense of alertness before your brain has a chance to gradually wake up, it also puts your dopamine baseline levels extremely high. 

So what does that mean? Well your brain remembers that it can get dopamine from checking socials, emails, and messages. And as we know from forming habits, our brain and body wants to satisfy cravings in the quickest and simplest way possible. It remembers that checking socials, emails, and messages was how we did that first thing this morning so now we want to continue to check all those apps again.

But… the brain is expecting that same high-level dopamine hit, and guess what? We won’t be able to reach that same high so we close the apps down and moments later reopen them again.

How do we overcome this negative habit loop? By breaking the cycle. Stop checking our phones first thing in the morning. Personally, my phone is on airplane mode when I’m sleeping and when I wake up there are no notifications that come through until I turn off airplane mode. My goal every morning is to wait at least one hour before taking airplane mode off and I would say four out of seven days I can make that happen.

Some things I do instead are:

• Drink greens and any other supplement potion I’m mixing. (These days it’s collagen, B12 combo thing, and electrolytes)

• Make breakfast

• Empty the dishwasher

• Eat breakfast presently and enjoy every bite

• Dream out/visualize my day

So before any notifications come through I’ve checked off to do lists, I’ve excited my taste buds, I’ve fueled my body and allowed my brain to wake up with ease. 

Straight up I’ve noticed a huge difference in my day when I’ve checked my phone upon waking versus not and I have to say it’s a noticeably better and more productive day!

Are you someone who checks their phone in the morning? Can you create boundaries with your technology to better support your health and wellness daily? I’m not trying to eliminate technology or social media, heck if it wasn’t for tech we wouldn’t be connected together here on this podcast, but it’s about the relationship we have with our devices and we want to create a healthy supportive one.

Speaking of connection and relationships…

[07:17] Oxytocin

Oxytocin is known as “the love hormone.” This is important because it motivates us to build and sustain important relationships, and gives us a feeling of trust. Although oxytocin is a powerful hormone, it actually functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It plays a huge role in bonding, and is sometimes called “the cuddle hormone.” 

To increase oxytocin levels consider actions such as:

• Giving compliments

• Listening to music

• Give or receive a massage

• Spend time with your friends and loved ones

• Play with an animal or a baby

• Opening your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people

I learned recently that even prolonged eye contact (60 seconds or more) releases oxytocin. Now I’m picturing us going for a walk later and staring down everyone we pass by hahahaha 

If we’re low on this hormone we can experience feelings of loneliness, stress, and lack of motivation. As well as a decrease in energy, and disconnected from relationships. We may also experience anxiety and/or insomnia. 

Remember that oxytocin isn’t just about what we get and receive, but also from how we can give! We feel better in our own bodies when we do something nice for someone else. This is also connected to the third hormone I want to share with you today which is Serotonin, but before we talk about that ask yourself how you can give and receive love, affection, kindness, and play today?

[09:00] Serotonin

Serotonin is known as “the mood stabilizer.” It’s what makes us feel important or significant in our communities. It also helps us feel calm and accepting of ourselves among our peers.

Unlike dopamine, serotonin is triggered by acts of long-term satisfaction. It touches 14 brain receptors and is non-addictive. Serotonin has a lot to do with being grateful for what we have vs always wanting more. Some of the ways we can increase our serotonin levels are:

• Meditation

• Enjoy a healthy diet

• Getting sunlight

• Exercise 

• Observing that all emotions can be helpful

• Go for a walk in nature

• Cold therapy or cold showers

When our serotonin levels are low, we can experience low self-esteem, feel overly sensitive, experience panic attacks and anxiety and possibly stress in social situations. We might also feel hopeless or obsessive/compulsive, and potentially have insomnia. 

If you do struggle with increasing serotonin levels it would be beneficial to contact your medical doctor or holistic nutritionist who knows a lot about or specializes in gut health because 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut while only 5% in your brain. 

There are several types of foods that can support your physical gut health as well as your mental health, as a lot of experts will tell you that your gut is your second brain (some will call it your first brain)! I read an excellent book on gut health that I highly recommend called GUT: The Inside Story of Your Body’s Most Underrated Organ

Some of the foods known to increase serotonin are:

• Greens or green juice blends

• Walnuts

• Almonds

• Cayenne Peppers

• Bananas 

• Dark leafy greens

• Oats

• Blueberries

• Chia seeds

• Coconut oil

• Turmeric

• Sauerkraut

• Salmon

• Water/hydration

Are there foods on that list, or actions you can start to take today to support your daily dose of serotonin? What can you commit to including today? What three things can you commit to incorporating this week?

As your Healthy Habit Mentor, I find joy in supporting you to elevate your life by creating empowering habits, routines and rituals. And to help you create your new healthy habits and behaviours, I have a free guide for you!

The last happiness chemical I want to share with you today is called endorphins.

[12:33 ] Endorphins

Endorphins are known as “the painkiller neurotransmitter.” The brain releases endorphins that feel like a brief euphoria that masks physical pain. It’s a chemical response to pain and stress to ease depression and anxiety.

Whenever I think or talk about endorphins, I always remember the Legally Blonde (movie) quote: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." – Elle Woods

Which always makes me giggle – and guess what, giggles release endorphins! Here are some ways to increase endorphins:

• Laughing

• Practicing yoga or meditation

• Dancing or running

• Regular exercise 

• Going out and creating

• Watch a funny video

A decrease in endorphins can affect our physical and mental health through feelings of anxiety, depression, and mood swings. It can have our body feeling lots of aches and pains, possibly insomnia as well as impulsive behaviour. 

Even though I’ve broken down these four happiness chemicals, they are all very similar and quite closely tied together. You can take very simple steps to improving even ONE of the neurotransmitters I shared today and you’re highly likely to experience a ripple effect into the other three as well. 

Now listen… There are a lot of ways we can support our mental and physical health, and performance. I like giving a variety of ideas and suggestions of tangible things we can do to elevate our health and wellness and I do this so that you can create your own healthy habits, routines, and rituals. 

I saw a post not too long ago by Dr. Andrew Huberman that said:

“Every 24 hours we need to re-up”

1. Sleep

2. Morning Sunlight

3. Exercise

4. Nutrients (even if from body stores)

5. Water

The fact that we can survive >24 hrs without one or several of these, is irrelevant. Healthy flourishes when we make getting all 5 of these daily a priority.” 

Original Post

I share this because all of these things can be achieved for free, and they all support the happiness chemicals in the body. I’ve been noticing a lot of conversations I’ve been having with others lately are very much around anxiety and stress. And when we look at what these people are doing to support their health and wellness, it doesn’t seem to be a priority at all! In my opinion, we’re not giving ourselves a fighting chance without prioritizing these basic actions. 

Visit the show notes page for today’s show to read through the list of actions I’ve shared today, or relisten to this episode and really feel into which actions and behaviours you can start implementing ASAP! Remember there is a helpful online workbook available to support you in this at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits.

You can also connect with me on instagram @vallavignelife and share how you’re getting your daily D.O.S.E. of happiness!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E218:This Episode will FINALLY Get You to Start and Stay Consistent with Your Self-Care Routines

That’s it! No more excuses. If you’ve ever said, “I don't have time for self care routines” or “I need to keep up with the industry so something’s got to give and working out isn’t a priority.” or “I’ll take better care of myself when life is less busy in a few months' time.” or something along those lines - then this episode is for YOU!

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[00:52] I’ve been told many times that I am a patient and understanding person. And while I believe this to be true, I also have lost my patience for weak excuses as to why people cannot start prioritizing their mental, physical, and emotional health. 

Why? Because our health is EVERYTHING. I often think of the quote, “A healthy person has a thousand wishes, a sick person only has one.”

If you aren’t taking care of your health now, it’s just a matter of time before you “get sick.” This could manifest as mental exhaustion and burnout, or your body physically shutting down, or feeling unfulfilled and stressed the F out.

Here’s the good news: you have a choice.

You can choose to prioritize your health and wellness today. On your own terms, so that you can feel great inside and out.

OR

You can choose to ignore this message and let the Universe take over. And one day, possibly in the near future, maybe in the distant future – but sometime in the future it won’t be your choice anymore. It will be the only response, the last response to be able to keep going will be to choose your health first.

I shared a reel on instagram, and the audio speaks to this perfectly. The original audio is by @michael.c.lantz I want to play it for you here. 

I hope you’re nodding along with me at the truth and accuracy of this message. And honestly, I’m not here to berate you. You’re listening to this podcast, and that already tells me that you care about your health and wellness, even if it’s just a little wee bit! That matters.

What I am here to share is the reality of our self care routines. The reality is this: WE HAVE TIME TO LOVE, APPRECIATE, NOURISH, AND CARE FOR OURSELVES.

In fact, today I am going to share several ideas and options for how to take better care of yourself whether you have 5, 10, or 30 minutes in your day.

This episode is here to help you FINALLY start and stay consistent with your self-care routines. Because boo, you don’t have time not to.

Alright, let’s get into it!

[03:50] Self-Care Routines You Can Do In 5 Minutes

The 5 Minute Journal – I purchased this journal at the beginning of the year and I wanted to use it in my winter 21 day healthy habit challenge.

If you don’t know about this challenge, it’s a wonderful way to work with me and stay accountable for your self-care routines. I run the challenge once per season. We connect together for 21 days. It includes daily inspiration and tips on instagram “close friends list” stories aka private stories. Weekly check-ins via text or voice notes in the DMs, community support, one group coaching call/workshop, and all of the benefits you get from doing your habits themselves.

Our next challenge is coming up depending on when you’re listening to this episode. But you can either join our next challenge or the waitlist so that you’ll know when it is by going to www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

So anyway, the journal. I bought the journal and have been using it for a little over two weeks, and I’ve got to say I really love it. They’ve done an excellent job with keeping the prompts simple yet meaningful. It’s one of the only habits I’ve started and kept so quickly. Usually it takes me more time to get into a habit, but this one has been practically seamless. Could be because of the challenge though!

Another excellent way to practice self-care in under 5 minutes is by doing a Head to Toe Body Scan – I used to start and end some of my yoga classes with this practice. To complete this body scan, start by closing your eyes. Take a few gentle breaths and scan your entire body and being, starting with the crown of your head. As you scan, notice how each part of your body is feeling. Is there tension, tightness? Is there staleness, stagnation? Perhaps you feel calm or spacious. Release any judgment and any tension you may be holding onto. Continue the scan all the way down to your toes. Wiggle around if you need to, soften muscles, and when you’ve completed the scan, open your eyes feeling refreshed.

Similarly, you can do an Energy Audit – I usually like to do this after a body scan. A lot of the time we hold emotional and mental stress within our physical body. The Head to Toe Body Scan helps us release the physical tension, but what about the mental or emotional baggage? 

Close your eyes and turn your attention inward. Sit in stillness for a moment if you need to. How do you feel energetically? Is there a symbol, image, or feeling that your body/mind is sharing with you as a clue you can interpret. For example, when I practiced this recently I felt/saw a leaky drain in my mind’s eye. To me this tells me that my energy feels drained, and something is in need of repair for my energy. Take your time in this practice and see what you can interpret, what you can let go of, and how you can replenish your energy.

Take Three Cleansing Breaths – Breathing is an excellent way to shift your energy and physical body. Sit up tall and take a big inhale through the nose. Hold the breath at the top for a couple seconds. Exhale through the mouth allowing all the air to release. As you exhale, imagine the stale energy, and tension leaving your body through the exhale breath. You can repeat this three to five times. And note that you don’t want to exhale in the direction of anyone or anything that you don’t want to put your negative or stale energy on. So breathe away from your friends or your workspace. 

Intention Setting Ritual – If you've been following along the podcast for a white, or if you watch my instagram you’ll know that every morning I have an intention setting ritual I do with my morning beverage, usually coffee. To do this practice you’ll want to make a tea, coffee, or favourite beverage of choice – sometimes it’s a protein shake for me. If making a morning beverage is something you do daily, here’s the upgraded/elevated version:

Pour your (morning) brew and breathe. Stir in any extras like collagen, or milk, or sugar, or whatever fun things you add to your beverage. If you don’t add anything, have a ritual spoon you can use to stir your drink. First stir counterclockwise to release negative vibes. Then stir your intention or feeling word or affirmation of the day into your beverage by stirring clockwise three times. Seal the ritual by drawing a pentacle (looks like a star with a circle), and drink the intention/feeling word/affirmation throughout the rest of the morning.

I recognize that I share a lot of tangible actions on this podcast. I’m big on taking action because that’s where I believe the magic happens. I am also a believer in balance and masculine and feminine energy. Sometimes self-care is less about what we can DO and more about what we can NOT do. What’s something you can not do for 5 minutes? Unplug – disconnect. Stop for 5 minutes whatever mindless, or maybe stressful task you’ve been doing to just do NOTHING. Get horizontal. Lie down and close your eyes and do nothing. Stare at the wall if you want to. Touch your plants, taste your coffee. Just be present in the moment to do absolutely nothing.

Speaking of doing and not doing. I think a lot of us believe that self-care is getting massages, or practicing meditation, but it can also be how we interact with ourselves and others in different ways. For instance, being honest with yourself about what you take on and how you help others. A self-care practice you can do in 5 minutes is Say “Hell Yes” or “No Thank You” to Something – Is there an email request you’ve been avoiding? An invitation you haven’t RSVP’d to? What response would fill your cup? Maybe it’s YOU who is wanting something: some fresh air? A dinner date out? A day off? Hell yes! Or No thank you. 

Another great self-care practice I used a lot when I felt anxious was the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Practice – You may have heard of it before as it is quite well known and used for calming anxiety and reducing stress. Here’s how it goes: notice 5 things you can see. Say them out loud or in your head, 4 things you can feel (can be your clothing, or something on your desk, or the air temperature), 3 things you can hear (anything in your surroundings, or even your own voice calling these things out loud), 2 things you can smell (might need to move around a little for this one (I’ve smelled my clothes before in the moment or a drink close by), and lastly 1 thing you can taste. After completing the practice take a deep breath and sink into your body. Your feet, your seat, anything touching a surface. 

To bring some joy, shift energy, and put a big smile on your face, try a Dance Break – Play your favourite song, and get up and dance like no one is watching. Play is such a wonderful form of self-care and it really brings the joy to the moment/the day.

[12:10] Self-Care Routines You Can Do In 10 Minutes

Now that you’ve seen how simple these self-care practices are, and how little time they actually take, let’s dive into some other practices that bring more joy and love into your body, mind, and spirit that only take 10 minutes or less.

Similar to our dance break, you can Stretch or Move Your Body – unroll your yoga mat, and start moving in whatever way feels best for you. If you want to follow a YouTube video, there are lots that are under 10 minutes. Movement is such a great self-care practice because it releases endorphins that make you feel better, and honestly with repetition, your body will thank you for it.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a lot of ideas and tasks that live inside my head every day. When my mind is feeling full, or I’m feeling overwhelmed, I love a good Brain Dump – Sometimes I do this pen to paper, but you can do this on your computer or in the notes app on your phone. Write everything down. All of that information needs a place to live, and in our heads is not always helpful. Write it out or type it in your notes, but by all means release it from your thoughts. 

Go for a Walk – preferably outside. I love a good midday or evening walk. The fresh air, being surrounded by nature, the sunshine on your face. Even when I don’t feel like going for the walk, I ALWAYS feel better afterwards. Just like stretching, a walk gets us moving! Bonus points if you’re experiencing nature for more elevated benefits.

Sometimes our daily hygiene practices can be really healing and cleansing when we set the intention. Elevate your routine and Take a Cleansing Shower – imagine releasing the stress of the day, or the chaos of the day before as the water washes over you. Let go of any residual feelings, self doubts, or anything else holding you back and as you cleanse your body and your energy field. 

Speaking of hygiene practices, you can also turn your Skincare Routine – into a powerful self-care practice. Instead of just slapping on your skincare products, carefully and lovingly massage the oils, serums, moisturizers, etc. into your skin. As you do this, look at yourself in the mirror and say kind things to yourself. Affirm your amazingness and worthiness.

One of my favourite self-care practices is to Learn Something New – Read a book or listen to a podcast. Heck, you’re already doing this one! Even if you don’t learn something, at least you can be inspired or motivated by the message.

Tap into Your Creativity – creativity looks different for all of us. I know for myself that some days I feel artistically creative, or sometimes I feel called to write. However you embody or express your creativity do that. Is it drawing? Sining? Dancing? Playing with different media or tools? Explore new and old passions that help you tap into your creativity.

As much as I procrastinate, I do feel way better after I Declutter My Space – I’m looking at a messy desk right now haha, but dang does a made bed, folded laundry, and clear desk really light me up. It almost feels like you can breathe better when the space is clean, because if you think about it, it’s like having more space/room TO breathe! 

So much of self-care is nourishing ourselves. The first thing that comes to mind is nutritious, high quality foods. How to do this in 10 minutes or less? Make a Healthy Snack – cut up some fruits and veggies, make a delicious smoothie, mix up a colourful salad. Prepping some of these ingredients in advance could make this a 5 minute practice. Doing this daily will give your body the love and support it needs to THRIVE!

[16:03] Self-Care Routines You Can Do In 30 Minutes

I hope you’re listening to this podcast episode and recognizing how manageable, realistic, and doable all of these things are. AND you might even be practicing these types of self-care, but now you can perform them with more mindfulness and intention behind them.

When it comes to the self-care routines and rituals that require more time, consider how you can use the 5-10 minute practices and expand on them. Such as combining the shower, and skin care routines. Or the body scan, energy audit and cleansing breaths. Or any combination of your choice.

You can shift the shower ritual to a relaxing bath. Deepen your meditation practice, journal or stretch for longer. Maybe you declutter a whole room instead of just a small space.

In a lot of cases self-care can be connecting with others. Phone a Friend – grab a tea with them (usually my friend dates last longer in person because we like to get chatty!) I have a few friends that I call while we’re both on a walk. We live in different provinces, or different countries and we can still feel connected and catch up on eachother lives while walking and talking together!

If it feels good for you, Rest or Take a Nap – a quick 20-30 minute nap can do wonders for your body and mind, especially if you had a rough sleep the night before.

All of this is possible for you. Maybe not all at once or all in one day, but SOMETHING in this episode will support you in your self-care practices – NO EXCUSES. 

My boyfriend likes to tell me “I have an answer for everything” and I like to think of it more as, “I have a solution for everything.” No excuse can get you out of taking care of yourself. There is only one of you. You are unique, you are rare, you are worthy. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, including yourself. You can do this.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E217: 3 Strategies to Creating Your Dream Life and Business with Hannah Schwartz

Hannah Schwartz, Your Business Strategist. She works with entrepreneurs who are ready to level up in biz or want to pivot, and offers 1:1 and group programs! Hannah wants to know,  what's your business plan?

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[00:50] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast, Hannah, thank you so much for being a guest on today's show, I am very excited to see your face today. 

Hannah Schwartz: I'm most excited. I can check off all the boxes after this call.

VL: I love that so much. Yeah, after this call this podcast.

Potato Potato right you know what's so funny is that like, I feel like it gets so much energy after calls with you and you probably hear that all the time. You're just such a vibrant ray of sunshine. And actually, when I first sat down at my desk, it was super gloomy outside and the sun was shining as we're talking. So this is very lovely. And I'm just so happy that the sun is shining here. So my dear I could talk to you all day about anything and everything. However, I want us to stay on topic because I'm super excited to chat with you about all of the amazing things that you do and all the amazingness that you are. When we first met Doing this which is very exciting you were not a business strategist yet.

So, I would love to kind of break down. Really, just like the, you know the elevator version of how you went from where you were to that business strategist self.

[02:13] HS: Okay, I actually love this story and I find that a lot of entrepreneurs and a lot of people just in general do change careers and always feel really sticky about their previous careers. I feel the opposite. And I think that my previous career gave me this one. Anyways, I was in real estate and I decided instead of having a geographic location, which most Realtors do, they choose like an area that there will be to be the realtor for I was like, I want to work with a demographic of people. And I want to work with entrepreneurs. I want to teach younger newer entrepreneurs all about homeownership and entrepreneurs that have been in the industry for years and years. They're going to want to invest in property. I'm going to be here. And so I ended up connecting with entrepreneur after entrepreneur after entrepreneur and it was the coolest group of people you could ever imagine. And then something really incredible happened. Entrepreneurs started calling me for business advice, out of the blue, out of nowhere, and on many calls, they would say why don't you offer this charging? And I always said this is my dream. I love giving this call to me anytime. One day I'll charge thinking that I'd be like 50 or 60 years old when that time comes around. And I thought I would like to grow a business in real estate or multiple businesses in real estate. And then I'd sell them or hire people to manage them and then I go off into business strategy. And one day I was sipping coffee on my patio, and I literally had this epiphany, why? Why are we waiting for 50 or 60 years old? Why don't I just do it? And then something else occurred to me if I'm 50 or 60 and dropping my real estate career, however I do it, I'm still going to have to start business strategy and people are still going to have the same thoughts like why are you doing this? but if I start now in 10 years I'll have 10 years experience in business.

I'd rather just start now. So within two weeks, I dropped my realtor license, how to a lot of very awkward conversations and launch my new business launched my beta program which sold out in the first day and assigned to my first long term clients like them onto something. And now, your business strategist.

[04:16] VL: Oh my goodness, what an empowering story. Absolutely. And I think it's really brave of you to take that leap. And a lot of the times people think like I don't know what to do, like, I have some ideas of what I want and then they're like, but what are people asking you for? What are people coming to you for? What do people know you for? And you did that? That? That call? So how amazing and I've got to say like, since knowing you and seeing this transition for you and seeing your journey. It's pretty incredible to see how smooth it is. I mean, again, it's from the outside. I'm sure there were lots of difficult and awkward conversations. But I'm sure that part of being a business strategist is part of that.

That this new chapter of your life requires a lot of skills, a lot of really important skills that are transferable into all different areas of our life. And the one that really comes to mind for me is organization and the other one is being proactive right as a strategist, you need to be thinking ahead and planning for tomorrow, but it's like what can you do today? So are there any strategies or tips you can share with the listener of what we can do today to organize ourselves to have a better future than that dream?

Strategy #1: Create Zones in Your Home

[05:40] HS: Absolutely. I love offering tangible things that you could do literally today or tomorrow. you could take from this podcast and go on your way and start. One of the first things that I did was actually take this from the Netflix show the whole minute.

The Home Edit Show Netflix

The show talks about creating zones in your space to allow yourself to, you know, make the space better and more aesthetically pleasing and also to allow whatever it may be regarding home decor aren't too different. I know also, on the flip side of that, our brains create patterns. And our brains really need us to show them new patterns so that they can work their best in specific arenas. And so I took those two ideas, the idea of creating zones for statically pleasing spaces, and zones for grading work and I put them together and what I mean by that is I created in my space, the zones in which I did different things. So when I'm at my desk, that is my work done. If I'm not feeling like working, I leave my desk. My desk is where I do work related to my computer work. I don't even actually brainstorm often at my guess, because I find that brainstorming takes me to a dream world. And I people often say that like procrastination, I don't think that's procrastination, but it might not feel as so I needed a space now for brainstorming. So there's actually a match on my floor in my office. And that's my sense space. It's my dream space. I pull tarot cards, I have crystals and then sometimes people with tons of blank pieces of paper and that brainstorming I also the morning coffee zone. When I sit in this morning coffee shop, It's like I know my day is going to start where I have like this couch, a little table and some plants. I journal from there and it allows me to dive into my writing.

And so I highly recommend creating so you can have a tiny apartment, you can have a tiny, tiny, tiny apartment and get yourself like a little tiny nap and put it on the floor and that could be your dream space. It doesn't really matter if it's aesthetically pleasing or not. It's about allowing your brain to know what you're doing in each particular space and the magic is once the pattern starts to create in your brain. The moment you sit on that mountain, your brain will start going nuts in dreamland for you. Once you sit at your desk, you're going to start thinking. Once you sit in that coffee area your mind is going to know I can rest here So creating so it's for your brain to find patterns I think is an incredible way to get started.

[08:42] VL: I enjoy this very much. 

And this is something that I practice on a bigger scale but I really love the specificity of how you're sharing it because there are times when I sit at my desk and I want to do three different kinds of things. And in my brain it's three very different kinds of if you want to compartmentalize that if you will, but I usually practice it as okay, this is my workspace. This is the bedroom. The TV doesn't go in the bedroom but the laptop doesn't go in the bedroom and my phone I try to keep out of the bedroom. It's usually there with me.

However, I have noticed that since doing that this was years and years ago, I sleep so much better because the bed is for sleeping. However, I really like the specificity of it because having those routines and rituals and systems and patterns is really gonna get you into that space quicker like you said, and already I have so many ideas for myself.

I'm gonna step outside for like a couple of minutes every day even though it's winter now. I'm going to step outside every day and just get some sunlight on my face as I drink my morning beverage because yeah, I just can see the spot in my mind that I want to do that And I love that so much.

HS: I love that idea. I'm going to take a step further and I'm going to do it too. Every time I go to a cottage, my friends cottage, the first thing I do with my cup of coffee or I take a sip is I go out onto the patio and i Cheers the lake and I say good morning like and then I Aki and it's before I make sure that that's my first sip. Usually it's a little bit too hot, which means I have to stay outside a little bit longer. And so I don't have a great view. I don't have a patio which is great. I decorated it myself very proudly. but the view is mediocre but I do have some trees. And so I think in the morning instead of just sitting with members of the coffee. I'm going to go outside and here's the trees.

VL: Yes, we're gonna I'm going to tag you tomorrow morning and my *Cheers* 

Oh my gosh, I love that so much. Yeah, and it really is this tangible practice that people can do today. I like you to like can we break down a little bit like if you have a smaller room. So let's say your office is where you do all of the different things like your morning coffee is in your office.

Do you change the difference between like you and I right now we're having a conversation via zoom. Is that different from like your work or is conversing and having those interactions with your clients is that different from like, you know what I mean? What's the word…

I know you write on blogs. So are you writing a blog post in the same place that you're having a conversation with someone if that's a better question? 

HS: Okay, we're going into specifics here and I'm just like, lighting up inside. Okay, we're gonna take this like 17 steps further. Okay.

I'm so excited. I don't even know where to start. So yes, you are going to have overlapping things that happen in each particular space. So yes, I do write blogs, my dream spaces where I actually hand wrote them and when I take that, obviously I need my computer and I'm not going to move my whole computer in order to take off this thing.

Here are two points that I want to make that will change the way you think about it. The first one is it's not so much about getting to the space to do the thing, but it's leaving the space when you're not getting.

So you come to your work desk and you find that you're leaving your desks.

And that's the hard part because a lot of people are like, I need to sit here for five hours and get whatever it is done. But your brain isn't in it. And in order to allow your brain to really understand what's happening in that space. You need to take that you need to remove yourself when you're not doing that thing. So that's point number one. Point number two zones also can be the way you do a thing. Okay, I'm just going to go after this and hope it makes sense. I have two different types of pens. I have ballpoint pens, and felt pens.

Okay, I gotta say I'm nuts, but it's real. My felt pens are used for journaling. My ballpoint pens are used for work. They feel different. They feel different in my hand and they write differently. One of them doesn't write well when I write quickly. felt pen suck when you write really fast. ballpoint pens write really well in the past. So when I'm using a felt pen, I can't write quickly. I use it for myself. It's when I get to write slow.

Ballpoint pens run really fast. I can use it for work and I could job and millions of notes down. It's not so old. So when you are in a very small space, for example, and your desk is your everything, allow different things to change. your space itself doesn't have to do So yes, we just talked about zones but created the zone.

So for me, my journaling zone is a specific journal, and I'm very particular weekend I actually spent way too much money on my journal. And they felt pens and a cup of coffee or something.

My office space when I'm sitting at my desk is my like, even if I'm in like a slower pace my life goes on because when I'm at my desk I'm working but when I'm on my map I like it.

To work about creating things within each zone that are specific to the way you want your brain to read. And the more things that you can kind of put together in this pattern, the more easily your brain will look into it. Now I'm no scientist, I don't really understand all of the things about the brain. but for science sake, Allow your brain to have a lot of reason to connect the thing you're doing with this space.

[14:48] VL: It's amazing I talk - I'm not a scientist either - but I talk a lot about neural pathways. On the show. And when you have a habit like this one you've created you can think of it like a row. You've created this road or this pathway from where you are to where you want to be. So where you are is a cup of coffee, where you want to be is in your dream space. So to get you there quicker, you have some sort of habit against you there. So it's stepping onto your Mac, seeing your crystal, seeing your tarot cards and doing the thing. Then you have another pathway to get you somewhere else. Now, as you're creating these pathways, it takes time to build a bridge, it takes repetition. So not only does it take time, but it takes the consistency of repeating the same motion or the same action or creating the same environment every time. And then you can have tons of neural circuits in your brain like that hundreds of 1000s I was gonna say. So if you can create those neural pathways that you're talking about, like quick routes as quick paths to where you want to go. It's easier than to just reroute. It's kind of like your brain knows the Google Map. easiest, fastest way to get there because it's built it and it's done it before and it'll just keep repeating. So I really love that and whether people realize it or not that pen example is perfect because you might not know this but you brush your teeth the exact same way every single time you brush your teeth. You pick up the toothbrush with the same hand you put the toothpaste on your toothbrush with the same hand that you go into your mouth the exact same way every single time. So another kind of quick way to change that neural circuit or neural pathway is to switch hands when you brush your teeth. Just that and then you can see how your body just naturally wants to pull towards the original way that additional path. So it's really cool.

I mean, I get real nerdy about it because I love that stuff. Yeah, I love it. And I have favorite pens too. So I actually have I have like someone gave me a packet of the same pen but they're different colors. So I actually have the white pen that I have goals with my white achieved planner. and then the pink pen that I have goes with my Five Minute Journal. It's the same pen. it's a different color, but I use them for my different books. 

HS: Yeah, yeah. I can also give an example because on my mat in the office, I do two very different things. One of them is business, strategizing, and business brainstorming. And the other is like la la land meditation. And so in order to find separation within that, so that I'm not thinking about business when I'm trying to meditate. I switch the environment by the only things I really change is I bring blank pieces of paper and my business pens to the mat with me and then my business If I don't have those papers, and the pen and meditation And it's it's that simple bringing a business part of my desk to the floor with me, allows me to go back into business.

[18:01] VL: So cool. I love that. Okay, so we know exactly where we need to be to do the things. But what things are we doing in that space like how do we create that dream life that we want? Or how do we achieve those goals in those spaces that we're in?

HS: I think it's all about going after the things that you really want and need. I think you can make two lists and the things that you really need and the things that you really want, the things that you really need. You're going to need space for those and the things that you really want to see if there's a connection between them and once so I love doing art and crafty things. And that's a big hobby of mine so I actually created a space for it in my house. I haven't used it much. I wrote a piece actually called Move your Cookbook. And the idea of moving your cookbook is to make things easier for you to do and if you're not doing them new, very similar to the toothbrush. So I wasn't using my cookbook that I wanted to be using and so instead of having it in my kitchen, I put it in my office, And then I ended up using it. And so this idea of creating the goals that you really want in your life, but every person is different for that In terms of creating, if we're switching topics for a moment, if we're talking about creating some sort of schedule, in which you want to make a dream life and I highly recommend doing it, and it is so much fun!

Strategy #2: Dream Life Calendar

Open your Google Calendar and you're gonna call it the Green calendar. You're gonna think of yourself. Three years later.

Three years later, three years later, Hannah, what does her life look like? What is she doing? Use colors. Google calm has all the colors you can want and create some sort of calendar for yourself, be it I'm going to work Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I'm going to be off every Tuesday on Sundays. I'm going to go to Saskatoon on Wednesday. And whatever it is you're doing, you can be as specific as you want. It could be as detailed as you want. You can be as broad and here's the fun part. Now you're going to overlap your current calendar with your future calendar, which you can do on Google and slowly start to adapt your current calendar to look like your future. And it's easy because there are colors there. So for example, I love networking. I love it. It's like one of my favorite things to do. So what I did on my dream calendars every day, Sorry, every monday, wednesday and friday from three until six I had I overlapped it with my current calendar and every time I had a networking option, During those times I was like oh my gosh, and moviemaking.

Oh my gosh, I'm doing it the same color is overlapping each other. I'm doing the things every single time And the cool part is you get to actually create this calendar for yourself over time that is your

[21:00] VL: I just yes to all the things Absolutely So, I love this and I do something similar. Similar with my clients when I'm working with them.

But I love the idea of seeing it in your Google Calendar and overlapping it that way because yeah, it just brings you into that really in the present and it gives you that evidence. and when you have that evidence of this is possible for me. You start to see how other things are possible for you, too.

Yeah, that's really incredible. So would you recommend it? What's your dream in 1 to 3 years from now?

HS: it really depends where you're at in your life. Sometimes it's beneficial to do a year round and sometimes it's beneficial to do three. For my business. I got one year out because I wanted to see what my life could be like in one year. There's another really interesting aspect to this that I actually do want to touch on. And it's sometimes what we think we're gonna want. We actually don't find joy in and to figure that out sooner allows us to re-dream something new. And so if for example, I wanted to network three times a week and I started to do it and I didn't find doing it, then I get to actually adapt my training calendar. but I wouldn't have known that otherwise, I wouldn't have realized that my future self was actually not going to enjoy going to a party every single Saturday night. because in theory, that's cool. In theory, I'm going to be this: a cool person is going to be invited to everything and then you start getting invited to everything and you notice that that's part of your brain realizing, I don't like this. And so it also allows you to actually navigate what your dreams are actually bringing you joy.

[22:22] VL: Oh my goodness that is such a great, such a great point. Because that happens with a lot of people a lot of the times they strive for so long or they push so hard and they quote unquote, finally achieved their goals and then they're left feeling with this dissatisfaction. And it's like Oh, if only we knew what this was really like and something that I teach a lot of is connecting to a feeling word, it's not necessarily the habit, or the goal, it's how do I want to feel, and this could also be like, whatever, a year from now, three years from now, whatever it is for that person.

And then how can we reach that feeling today and then just keep cultivating that or look, what are the things where are the activities? What are the conversations who are the people I'm around? What are the events I'm going to that bring me closer to that feeling? And then you're saying yes or no to the invitation based off of Will this make me feel And for you it could be fill in the blank could be connected to my dream calendar connected to my dream life, or it could be deeper than that into an actual emotion or feeling so yeah, I think they tie in really well together. So in that case, let's say I've built my dream calendar. I'm starting to see that a couple of the things I'm doing every week or every day are lining up. Some of the things are working some of the things aren't. Are you encouraging like weekly check ins to kind of clarify where we're at, how often are we, you know, reviewing this, this system.

HS: Yes. I love this conversation so much. I love it so much.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, before I go there, your what you just said about the feeling behind it is giant Can we just like dive into that for briefly. 

VL: Yeah, let's do it. 

HS: Okay. What you just said matters more than the dream calendar does because if you don't know the feelings behind it, you're not going to enjoy it. What I share with people, my clients and friends and I am going to take what you said and turn it business for a moment. If you made a million dollars in your business tomorrow. 

Would you feel successful? I guarantee you the answer is no. And the reason why is because you don't know the feeling that you were after, or the feeling that it brings to your body. And it's exactly it, I think is exactly what you were referring to. And so when I speak to my clients and my colleagues and my friends, when it comes to the feeling of success, or the feeling that you're trying to receive every moment of every day that you think you have reached success, stop and think about what that feeling is that you start to actually feel what success is about. if you do make a million dollars Tomorrow, you will actually feel.

VL: I love it. Perfect. Yeah, like that. I think it goes back to like when you're saying part of your practice is meditating and sitting into that space. And it's like, I feel like a lot of the and this might be going off topic but I feel like a lot of the information out there on social media and just in books and all kinds of things is like, these are all the things you have to be doing and chasing and going after to have a successful business and it's like but a lot of the work is done. internally a lot of the work is done with our mindset and connecting to like what it means for me and it's not following someone else's checklists all the time and I think people get really tripped up because they're like, but I did all the things I did a through that just like so and so told me so And then again they reached this like, what now why didn't like a hangover like a success. hangover or something.

Or they're like, this isn't what I wanted. And, you know, this is a great conversation for people who are whether you're just starting your business or you've been in your business for years. Am I doing the things that I myself want that I myself dreamed of? Because I wanted it not someone else told me that this is what I want. Someone else said you need a million dollars in your business. Right? and I mean, if that's your goal, that's fine, but if it's not yours, then what are you chasing? so getting to your feelings. I love it.

I also am, we've talked about colors you're talking about organization and I cannot help but notice your colorful cue cards behind you, I'm very attracted to rainbows, like I just keep my eyes keep starting there. Can you tell us a little bit about what is going on behind you?

Strategy #3: Business Pillars Program 

[28:06] HS: And actually, this was the perfect segue because we were just talking about goal setting and reaching big. And so actually what's behind me is what I offer is a system that I teach, which is called the pillar system. I created it when I was in real estate and I had no idea what I was doing in business. I had no market I had no business idea. I had no rhyme or reason what I was saying yes or no to, above all else I was to idea and project to project and then one day I decided I don't like this way of business. I don't like having an age business. On a Word document that I have printed. That's like catching ducks on my desk. How do I go after it? What am I even going after? These goals seem really big are they my goals? I'd be their goals. So one day I sat down, I like color. I like visualization and I need to be able to see physically my success. I need to be able to see progress. I need to see it be motivated. And so one day, honestly, I have no idea how I came up with it. But this is now the system I use in business all the time. And it's what I teach, I come up with or we come up with together the foundations of your business. So instead of working on one part of your business at a time, what if much work on both parts of your business together. Have you ever noticed, and this is in life too? Have you ever noticed that you'll deal with a task and then ultimately realize that the task could have worked for multiple things, but you didn't know it at the time? And so you do the task of like, oh my gosh, I need to do this task again for this other idea. Well, with the pillar system, you have your core foundations, your base, your foundation of business, the legs on which your business dad, and then we create goals beneath each pillar. So each color is a different foundation, and the goals the bottom cards leading to the top are the little goals.

​​And I think the tangible piece that I can offer right now for anybody who is goal setting in general, is the idea of a small goal and a big goal to us. I believe it's completely wrong. And here's why. We get very, very overwhelmed with the idea of a big goal. And then just as you said before, and just as we were talking about about success, the closer we are to a goal, the less the goal matters somehow. And then we completed the goal and we're like what's next?

We don't really feel like we've done and so I urge you instead of saying small goal and say the goal that is closer to me and the goal that is harder for me.

Because the only difference is how able we are to achieve it in the moment. That's the only difference and the work towards the big goals. It's just a lot of the little it's a lot of smaller tasks, but there's more.

​​And so it doesn't mean that they're harder, it just means that they're farther away.

And once you can allow your brain to realize, whoa, even my giant goals so my wall right now is an entire year. This is everything I'll be doing.

So my top goals are months, months from now so if I were to just be that goal, I would be free.

[31:38] VL: Where can we find you? Where can we follow you, how can we support your business?

insta :https://www.instagram.com/startwithhannah/ 

website: https://www.startwithhannah.com/ 

Tik tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@startwithhannah 

Medium: https://medium.com/@startwithhannah

VL: Is there anything that you’d like to share before the rapid fire round?

[33:30] HS: Is there anything that I'd like to share.. maybe… is that okay, I do have something I'd like to share, here's what I'd like to share, you know that we're worth reading this in January and January is a big makeover. I don't have any reason to have any resolution.

VL: No, I don't do that

HS: That's the best answer. Great. So we don't have any resolution. But what I do want to bring into account is that I call Mondays and this is the perfect time to talk about it. So in January we don't like huge love like the year has the most incredible year in the world, and then we literally wake up feeling exactly the same.

Because literally, nothing has changed. And the concept of Monday is very similar to January. Mondays, we usually make up and we're like this week is going to be the best week of the entire world. I'm going to do x y and Zed or on Thursday, you're going to you're going to say to yourself, I'm going to start the next big Mondays are January it is our regular January. And Tuesday is our February when everything comes crashing down and we're like wait a second. I can't do all this is not possible. So every time we were starting on Monday and your Monday is like the coolest thing in the world. Remember that it is EJ and Tuesday's you're paying weary and each week will come and go. Allow yourself to enjoy it. more than you planned it

VL: This is perfect. But don't hit on February that's my birthday

HS: I just almost spit out on my copy onto my screen! everywhere use our slow down and fall into ourselves, in my opinion, because yeah go go go in February like we do you live on in February?

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

Becoming by Michelle Obama

1. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment is thriving, and supporting women in the drive. I actually wrote a piece about this called thriving women. And I think that we have for every woman who sinks down into her God, and decides where and how she wants to thrive. Then we also get to see that that is empowering.

1. What is your longest standing habit?

Journaling. Almost every day and do like your crops for those three right? I have free range but when I first started journaling that variable right off the top of the page there are no And then I will then I would start that with my new thing that I've been doing because I'm finding that because the heart of the habit has become a little bit too routine for me. Now the new thing that I'm doing is adding extra.

1. What are you currently working toward?

So many things that can't be wrapped by your question. I'm working toward the business I'm working towards. I have okay three words for the business word of the year. It is scary and exciting. Its authenticity and my personal word of the year is host because I want to host a lot of events they used to host free k0V!D And my soul word of the year is def. I want to find more depth within myself.

VL: Those are great words And I love how they are tied together and yet. Thank you so much for this delightful conversation. I have really enjoyed our time together and they really want to acknowledge you for the journey that you're on. how far you've come since we first met several years ago now I think it's like three years ago now!

I want to acknowledge you for just the light brain to any place that you are at whether that's virtual or in person or in the dance. You really like you really make my day. I didn't. I wasn't lying when I said you. You brought the sunshine with you. So thank you again so much for being here so much for being a part of my life. And I'm very excited for the listener to connect with you. So like I said, I'll link all of your information to all of the key things!

HS: When this opportunity is the coolest I'm going to I'm going to party on my couch. Thank you so much, I'm so, so, I miss you so much!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E216: Lacking Consistency? Try These 10 Practices

Whether you’re creating a new workout routine, wanting to improve your nutrition, save more money, or decrease your sugar intake, the greatest obstacle I hear about making or breaking ANY habit, is that you’re lacking consistency. Today I’m sharing 10 practices that can help you be more consistent so that you can level-up your habits, routines, and rituals…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am you host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. If you’ve ever struggled with consistency in making or breaking habits – I gotchu.

It’s the number one struggle in the community, and I get it. Rewiring the neural pathways in your brain is easier said than done. Especially if you’re trying to break the neural connections and circuits that are already ingrained in your brain from the bad habits you have currently!

So let’s break down 10 practices that can support you in being and staying consistent with your daily habits and goals.

[01:27] 1. Don’t be so hard on yourself

If you subscribe to my email list you would have read about my snowboarding accident last week. If you’re not on the list, you can join here!

So yeah, back to the snowboarding accident. Long story short, I wiped out really badly on the first day, on the first run, of our ski trip to France. I hurt my neck, ribs, and smashed up the right side of my body pretty badly. Bad enough that I needed to take a stretcher down the hill, and I couldn’t snowboard for the rest of the trip.

I was PISSED. I was embarrassed, and very frustrated. 

And I let myself be upset, but after a full day of that I decided these negative emotions were not helpful to my situation.

So I decided to re-write the script and chose to support myself with positive self-talk:

• I swapped annoyance of the accident to appreciation that I wasn’t more injured.

• Frustration from the fall to forgiving myself for being so hard on myself.

• Anger to gratitude for being in a beautiful mountain village where I can enjoy the views, the food, family time, and practice my French!

Can you think of a time when you got caught up in negative self-talk? It happens to all of us. 

But when we speak kindly to ourselves, and offer words of encouragement, we can regain the strength we need to keep going. It’s okay to be tough with ourselves when we need to be, and more importantly kind and positive to ourselves when we’re struggling.

Last week I had hot tears racing down my cheeks before bed and I said to myself, “I know you’re hurting. You had a big fall and you’re a long way from home. You also have family here who love you and care about you. You’re in a warm bed and allowing your body to heal. You’re okay. You are strong.”

I talk to myself all the time. And yes, sometimes out loud. Do what you’ve gotta do to be kind to yourself and take that extra step.

[03:40] 2. Stay flexible to change

Since you’re listening to this podcast, I’m going to assume you are a personal development enthusiast. You probably enjoy setting goals, and know what you need to do and how you need to plan to achieve those goals.

If this is you, this is great. If this is not you, don’t worry – keep listening to the podcast and you’ll be on your way to achieving big things in your life!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid out a solid plan for a project. I’m excited and proud, and I’ve come at it from all angles so I feel very prepared. AND THEN… life throws you a lemon.

Now from what we know about positivity, we can do a lot of things with lemons! Some of my favourite meals and drinks have lemons as an ingredient!

So being adaptable to changes, obstacles, and challenges is very important when building your habits. 

A lot of the time these changes are external. Perhaps our favourite gym closes, or we have an unexpected expense that sets our savings goal back. We need to reroute.

And sometimes the change is internal. We’re no longer excited about the project or idea. We have a pull toward an entirely different goal. That’s okay too.

This one was a tough one for me – and I’m still working on it – we are humans and our goals and dreams can change and evolve just like we do. Allow yourself to pivot in a new direction, or put down the projects that aren’t filling your cup anymore.

You can always change your mind and move on to something else, or back to a previous routine. Just keep in mind that you aren’t quitting if something goes wrong. You’re being flexible to change, but you aren’t giving up!

[05:21] 3. If something goes wrong, start fresh tomorrow

I say “if” something goes wrong and I have to chuckle because more often than not, something goes wrong. 

Listen, life is complicated! Things happen, things go wrong. It’s not just with you, we all go through it. 

Here’s what you do. Take a deep breath… tomorrow is a new day. Press the imaginary reset button and try again. You can use the information from the issue to reassess and review what went wrong and why? This becomes information to help you move forward the next day.

Consistency doesn’t mean every day. It means never giving up. Consistency is about doing small things often. “Often” can be every other day. Get back on track tomorrow.

[06:14] 4. Learn and adjust when things go wrong

When you’re starting a new habit, routine, or ritual, you’re going to go through a growth phase. In this phase there is a lot of experimenting going on, it can be uncomfortable and confusing at times.

It truly is an adjustment period. Your body and brain are trying to figure out the easiest way to go from craving to reward. You’re taking in a lot of information, and you’re rewiring the circuits in your brain. You’re essentially re-training your brain and body.

This is a learning process, and failure can be an excellent teacher. Remember, we’re starting again the next day, BUT we’re not making the same mistakes. We’re learning from what went wrong and slight adjustments can really propel us forward.

Part of growth and personal development is failure; it’s learning; it’s repeating the ritual in a new way so that we can learn and grow more!

[07:16] 5. Make a little progress each day, even if it’s teeny-tiny

I always say, “progress over perfection.” The tiniest steps in the right direction will lead you to your goals.

If you’re having trouble completing your routine 100% start with 10 or 5% of the habit and work your way up. How can you make your new behaviour 2 minutes so that you know you’re making a little progress?

Here are some examples:

Instead of reading one chapter of a book a day, start with one page. 

Instead of walking 5km, start with 5 minutes.

Instead of creating a month’s worth of content, start with making a list of ideas that excite you.

A lot of the time our habits are small, seemingly insignificant behaviours that transform our lives over time. Take your time. You have the goal/target… one step toward that goal is better than 10 steps in the wrong direction or no steps at all.

These smaller, more meaningful steps will be more significant in the long run. How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.

[08:52] 6. Stack your new habits

Whether you realize it or not, you already have daily habits, routines, and rituals that you’re consistent with. 

Think specifically of how you get out of bed in the morning. How you make meals. Where you sit on the couch in the evening to relax. 

Are you someone who eats breakfast every morning? If yes, can you stack your new habit before or after you eat breakfast?

What other consistencies do you have in your routine that you can add a new habit to?

I started my morning green juice ritual by drinking my greens while I waited for my breakfast to cook. Sometimes that was warm morning oats, waiting for a smoothie to blend, or an egg to boil. I started with green juice three times a week, and now it’s a daily practice.

If the new routine is not stackable in your current schedule, time block your calendar for when you can complete the tasks or actions. What gets scheduled, is what gets done!

[09:55] 7. Keep clarifying your goals and priorities

One of the key habits of high performers and achievers is regularly assessing and getting clarity on their goals and priorities. They are constantly reviewing what’s important to them and making decisions that align with their values. If it doesn’t align, it’s not happening.

This helps them get things done. And the right things too. Enough arbitrary habits and routines. It’s time for meaningful actions that lead to transformation and the best version of ourselves. 

You’re more likely to achieve goals if they matter to you.

Seriously. Get clear on what matters to you. It can be your core values, a priority list, whatever you want to call it. Write it down in your phone, or in your journal and revisit this weekly or at least monthly. Is this still what you want, and are you taking actions in the correct direction to achieve this?

If yes, keep going.

If not, adjust. 

A final note about priorities: if everything becomes a priority, then nothing is a priority. Keep that in mind.

[11:08] 8. Time of day matters

When it comes to consistency, the time of day matters. You’re more likely to create a lasting habit AND make that behaviour a habit quicker IF you can do it at the same time every day. 

In the growth phase we talked about earlier, you can experiment with trying your habit at different times. For example try the morning for the first few days, and if that doesn’t work maybe afternoon, or evening, until you find the best, most consistent time.

For me, my workout routine gets done in the morning. SOMETIMES I make it to the gym in the evening, but that’s usually if I go with my boyfriend, otherwise if it’s not happening in the morning than it’s not happening haha

You want to get the task or practice done when you’re feeling most up for it.

[12:04] 9. Check-in regularly with how you’re feeling

If you didn’t already know this, I teach pilates and own a pilates studio. I start every class the same way: I make eye contact with each person, one at a time and ask them, how is their body feeling today?

And I do this daily with myself too. In the morning, while I’m preparing my green juice and doing my morning ritual, I ask myself how I’m feeling. And I set an intention for how I want to show up and feel for the day.

Now some days it’s really easy for me to embrace the day, and other days it’s a bit of a struggle. On the days that it feels a little slower to start the day, I do the best I can that day. 

Yes, consistency means doing the actions and habits even when we don’t feel like it, however you want to know yourself and understand what and why you’re feeling the way you are. Perhaps there’s more to it.

For example, with my snowboarding accident it’s a little tougher for me to workout right now as my body is still very tender and I am recovering from the injuries as well as the osteopath appointment I had this week. I’m going to go to the gym, but I’m going to see what my body can do, and not push myself if it’s too much. Even if I just do a 10 minute walk around the gym, that will be enough for me that day.

[13:25] 10. Take on your task when you’re in the correct mindset

When we know ourselves better we can use this information to do the actions not just at the right time in our schedules, but also at the right times in our minds. Being aware of our mindset is key to doing our new habits and routines successfully. 

When we’re in the right headspace, with the right mindset we are approaching the task with a positive and probably clear mind that will allow us to achieve the task, and more efficiently. 

If you aren’t coming at the behaviour with the right attitude, try and switch gears, or get your body moving to shake up any stale energy and then do the things. 

Maybe it’s helpful to take a deep breath, to change your environment, take some time alone, or call a friend and ask them to give you a little pep talk.

Knowing ourselves helps us overcome obstacles in the best ways for us, and allows us to refocus our minds so that we can get *ish done!

You don’t need motivation every day. Make a plan when you’re in the right headspace, and then stick to that plan. Overtime, your health, mood, motivation, and life will improve.

[14:52] Those are my 10 practices to help you be more consistent with your habits, routines, and rituals. Try them out if you are struggling with consistency.

Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know which of these you’re trying out to help you stay more consistent. 

If you follow these, you will move in the direction of your targets and goals. With your consistency and growth, you are becoming more and more like the best version of YOU. Give yourself some grace, and time to achieve the success you set out for.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E215: Understanding the REAL Urgency in your Life & Business

Aashima helps women of colour founders scale their businesses using paid ads.

She’s been in the marketing industry for almost a decade; has a Bachelor of Commerce with Honors in International Economics, and post-graduate certifications in marketing management, public relations, and corporate communications.

Aashima  genuinely believes that you deserve to have a life outside of your business and that spending time with your family shouldn’t hinder your company’s growth.

Over the last 2 years, she’s helped more than 100 coaches in every niche imaginable scale their businesses and buy time back into their schedules so they can enjoy their life…

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[01:16] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast Today I am very excited to welcome our special guest Aashima, who is such an incredible human in this online space of entrepreneurship. And what I love seeing or watching with you awesome as I kind of follow along on social media is that you lead such a full life. And this is one of the things that I find very inspiring about you is that yes, you talk about success in your business and growth and strategy and scaling. And I've done actually a few of your workshops, which have been also very valuable, very educational. And I think one of the things and, you know, correct me if I'm wrong kind of thing, but I think one of the things that makes you so successful is that you also include so much fun and travel and the things that really satisfy you or bring you joy in your life. And, you know, of course you have ups and downs in your life and business and of course you have these seasons you know like as we all go through these different cycles of those ups and downs, but yeah, just from like that outside perspective, I really see this, this abundance that you that you have in both life and business. so I just wanted to, you know, acknowledge you for that and recognize that in you because I find it very inspiring and big thank you that you're here today for the Women's Empowerment Podcast so thank you so much.

Aashima Verma: Thank you Val! I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for seeing it like I am never one to curate my feed or like to make it perfect. I just live my life and sometimes document it along the way. I am also not huge on just being on social media all the time. so if I'm having a really good day chances are it's not on social media.

I love to unplug. I love to be present. And thank you for saying that you see the abundance because like in the beginning of last year now 2022 i My business was added he around the time we had grown exponentially came I think all of the ways you can feel potentially and like what scaling comes a little bit of chaos. 

So like January 2022 I was actually just revealing my year and I noticed like I booked a hotel in Niagara and like one of those like really good views and all of those things. And I specifically remember being in the bathtub and just crying because I was like I don't know what is obviously successful. I am doing the right thing I know in my gut like this makes me happy. But there's something missing and I was there with a friend and then when I got out I said okay, what's what's wrong with you? Why are you like sobbing? And I'm like, I just see I just don't know. And even though what I do is so purposeful and I'm so mission led, but I still felt this void, that something was missing. So in the beginning of 2022 I made a promise to myself that I will do all of the things like I will prioritize things that truly bring me joy and the top of the leg. It is my family. For context. My family lives in India, so they're like a 16 hour flight away from where I am. But I will probably get two or three times actually 2022 Because I was like if God has given me this life, I have the flexibility. I want to use that and sometimes we feel like, hey, we can do all the things but we just don't choose to because of this idea of urgency and I don't want to fabricate urgency where life while my favorite things I've been telling myself is that you have time and you've just given myself to the permission to be paid. And obviously I'm young, I'm 27. I wanted to travel to the UK like I love traveling. It makes me happy too. so I did that. And part of doing all of this was like it was only possible because I made a strategic difficult decision of saying no to more clients in the season when I knew I would get more clients but just q4 for me.

And you know what I When I came back a lot of my friends are like, oh my god you feel like a different human.

And that was the purpose so yeah, thank you for acknowledging it, it was done on purpose.

[06:04] VL: I'm so glad to hear that. And I think you make a lot of really amazing points. And thank you for sharing so openly because a lot of the time because most of us are very virtual, very just see that all of the online world is really curated or even when it's not curated. We're not showing every single part of your business and one of the best pieces of advice I got early in my business was never compare the front end of your business to the front end of someone else's. 

And I got such a game changer and I feel like one of those really important lessons that really stuck with me over the years and I just keep reminding myself of that when you get stuck in that imposter syndrome and stuck in there like oh my goodness, why am I not scaling the way that I thought I wonder why am I not reaching my goals and all these things and you know it kind of gets us into this negative spiral so it's incredible that you were able to make those decisions and let go of that sense of urgency and let go of adding on more to your plate and just doing what feels right for you. 

I know that's really difficult for a lot of people and a lot of entrepreneurs to make that decision. So, what were some of the things that helped you navigate those, those times that stress in their life.

AV: Yeah, I feel like one of the biggest things that I taught, I tried to talk about it all the time. it's just like having good support in your life. whether that's friends, whether that therapy, whether that's going to your yoga class, whether that's gym for you, whatever that looks and feels like for you. Just having that support is crucial.

It could be listening to a cool podcast like yours, but whatever makes you feel supported. I think you cannot operate in your life and business if you don't feel supported. So I am a good delegator. if I say so myself, it comes from my experience in corporate. I was a manager When I made the switch to entrepreneurship so I know how to handle teams. I actually only go to entrepreneurship on one condition and like I will only do this if I can afford it.

If not, I don't want to do it all by myself. And I am so proud of everyone who does it by themselves because I am not going to sugarcoat and no matter what they tell you it is so hard. Because you are a specialist. Usually an entrepreneur is a specialist in one thing, and then when we say oh I'm going to become a business owner, there's like 500 other categories that you're not a specialist in and you have to be a beginner again and if you have gotten to an expert level in one area, it's really hard to be a beginner and sometimes as small business owners you don't have resources to hire out or outsource right away. So it is an incredible journey and I have been very regular in my therapy. 

I've been very regular with whoever like health practitioner that I'm working with for the last couple of years like I got diagnosed with PCOS. And then it was just a lifestyle change. I spoke with this Instagram influencer who's now friend and she talks about PCOS. Her name was Sena from PCOS @the.pcos.dietitian

https://instagram.com/the.pcos.dietitian?igshid=MWI4MTIyMDE=

She told me. “Don't let PCOS be your entire identity” and I think that is so true because when it comes to like any sort of chronic illness it's so overwhelming because we live it every day. Right so for me it was just like a huge like even when I was hired out a personal trainer or even if I was hiring that like no matter who I was working with I was like oh they need to have this special to your you know and and then there came a point where like spoke to my mom like they said she thought adding more stress to my life. Like I commented to this I feel like things are getting worse. Especially when I started focusing on it. And then she like got me in touch with this ayurvedic practitioner, and I'm just working with someone now who understands my body and does it in a very easy and holistic way. I think I've learned how to be an advocate for my health and do what feels good versus listen to 100 other people on the internet and don't try to do everything. So being very selective would be with who I let taken like help me with my health. Really saving that's like that's been my major mental health, physical health and then I feel like once I have some sort of lens I feel good and now that's when I can focus on my work and my business. And I think stealing bag is a very difficult strategic decision because i Everyone during this like hitting a million and then you do the math like hey, my offer is this much divided by a million. I just need 25 people even though that's true, and if you have the capacity, you should definitely go for it. For me. I knew that my capacity honestly allows me to check 12 people in a year. And I and I did have I do have demand of people who want to work with me. So I I increased my price and it was scary. And I always wanted to do it in a way where the value matches the price tag. So it was a very careful decision and just scary honestly to be like nah, I will not work with these type of clients. So just being super selective can feel super scary and you will hit a dip in your revenue too because you're making such a transition in your business. So obviously I've gone through it one time going through it again this year, just the end like for the new year. my goal is to work with more corporations or growing companies because that support the lifestyle that I want to live.

[12:24] VL: But yeah, that's so exciting, like so many things. So many changes so many, I guess, decisions that you made, like you've been so supportive to your own health and I love how I think in each of these scenarios, what you're really do is taking a moment and finding some stillness, and asking yourself what you really want, what you really need, and then moving forward in that decision and not just reacting to things, but responding to what makes the most sense for you. And you know, we live in such a fast paced world and you'd mentioned urgency earlier and it's like, I don't know who put those expectation on us to reply to every way or to every opportunity or whatever every contract and, you know, I myself even made a difficult decision. to not renew a contract with someone that I was working with. and at first I was like, oh, yeah, that sounds exciting. and then when I really sat did what you did.

Is not the right time for this partnership or this contract. And it feels really scary. It feels really tough, but I also think I think there's also this sense of relief when you do make the right decision. And it's like, you just have to take that little leap and then it's like, you can breathe again.

​​Yeah, that shows up so much. I feel like so many things you were saying like hiring a team and not doing it on your own. I am very much someone who is very dependent and likes to do things my way but I'm not an expert at everything. And I actually run two businesses. One of them I have a team and the other one I find myself and the one that I have a team with is scaling so much faster than the one that I'm doing about myself with but if I actually sit down and take the time to recognize I'm like, Okay, here we go. So you're giving me so many ideas, and I'm like, Oh, my God. She's calling me out right now.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's, it's pretty. It's pretty cool. I mean, there's so many different phases of entrepreneurship and business ownership. And as you start to grow, it's like there's this new challenge of the next level, and you're like, Oh, I just climbed a whole entire flight of stairs. and then oh, my god, wait, there's another one. and there's another one. and I love that what you're saying is like throughout the journey you're checking in throughout the journey you're consistent with your therapies. Our support teams.

And I love that what you're saying is like throughout the journey you're checking in throughout the journey you're consistent with your therapies, our support teams, and I love that you found someone to to help you with everything, which like, is huge because you really want to be able to trust somebody. And then the other thing I wanted to circle back on with you, is that what you talked about in like not identifying as the mental health or the physical health or the like, I don't want to call it like your shoe or the challenge but not identifying as yourself as something maybe on like a spectrum of things. And it's so funny that you say this because if you want to make a new habit, you need to identify as a person who identifies as that habit.

And it's so funny that you say this because if you want to make a new habit, you need to identify as a person who does anything just telling you, okay, the same is what we do and we identify as like the negative part of it. So it's really about flipping that script. So for example, I I share this with people It sounds kind of gross, but I used to hate flossing my teeth like I just I don't know, I didn't even hate it that much. I just didn't do it. And I did it like once a week, which is so gross that I hate admitting that but it was true.

I just flipped one thing and I just said I am a person who flosses. Everything changed, everything changed. I floss every single night without fail. If I forget, I get back up out of bed and I go floss my teeth because I am a person who flosses and it's a huge it's such a small thing, but I don't think a lot of people recognize what their languaging every single day and even just the thoughts not even having to say it out loud. but just the thoughts that we have are so impactful on how we move into the world and how we like to see other people or see the world itself. So is there anything that you like tell yourself or do like journal about or annoy us weren't affirmation, but you know what I mean is there something like a script in your mind that you use when you're stepping into these like new levels and when you're scaling to the next bit of your, your business, what is what is what are the thoughts on what does the speech of the language the Aashima and says?

AV: I always have posted now just depending on like what see there I'm in currently because again, it's starting up a new season, and I loved how you talked about like the script like I am that person. I I think I am working with a coach to who I am like I have never invested in mindset coaching like this before. I feel like when I started last year I because I was going through all of those feelings. You know just date I created a very low key vision board. No real, real photos. It just worked for both like what I want in my life. And I wrote three big words very simple and I wrote home I wanted to buy my own home I said happiness. I wanted to be a little more happy. I have more joy and then I wrote health. I didn't mention work because of the sentiment I had towards work at the time. I just like that I'll figure it out. And I wanted to prioritize these two things and under and like one of those scribbles was. I love doing little wifey thing.

I didn't cook, I have a cleaning company. I source my meals like I was that person because again so go go go I didn't have time. I genuinely think it's a real thing. I did not have time. And it's a very, it's a beautiful technique. I actually recommend hiring within your home before your business. Again, it all comes down to how do you feel supported? Because I didn't have those skills for the home things I was like this needs to be delegated first. So while I did that, I also during the year I was also seeking a partnership and I was seeking a person in my head. I'm like dreaming about this person. I'm like, they also have a job and potentially if they're going to be my partner like I also have to come in my 50% and a part of that 50% For me looks like that. I also know how to like to do things around the house a little bit especially if I went to live with someone. So it's like my friends laugh at this like two versions of me because like, like when it comes to business. I genuinely like to feel really confident in tackling almost everything. And then it comes to like house things and like regular chores and I'm like I don't know how to chop this properly. But like last year, I just like wrote, like I love to do the little Wi Fi thing. They love to make these quick meals at home. And it's so interesting. So, like I came back in December and I saw myself cooking and I found myself doing those little things. I care about my home field. I still have the cleaning company. I still have my HelloFresh coming in, but I cook those myself. And it's something flipped because I don't really know I did it wasn't like gradual increment. Now for me just like I came back from this lovely trip and I finally had the mental capacity and I have the time.

Honestly, it feels really good to wind down after five o'clock and cook my own dinner. It feels really good to just like the clutter and I added all and I genuinely in hindsight I feel it's only, it was possible.

It's not that I couldn't because clear I'm cleaning I'm very clear. I'm like no do not love this. This will still be a cooking day bring me joy and now it's like my habits but and I never thought I'd be that person but I like you know have that seed. I planted that seed earlier and by the end.

I don't know, it happened but it did. So. Yeah, that identity shift is amazing. and the thing about negative things is that or not even negative. I say it with air quotes, “negative” but it's just when you focus on those things. It gets you into victim mode.

You know and you start comparing you're like you start feeling entitled in some ways, and I just, I, I always want to feel empowered. I don't want to go into that state where I can't do anything about things. So, yeah, sorry I totally forgot the question. What was it?

[21:47] VL: Yeah, no, that's perfect. It was about what? What are you thinking? Or What are you telling yourself or what is the script which you definitely shared with us? That's so cool that you did that practice at the beginning of the year and it just kind of happened organically. It seemed like or, like you said, you just kept coming back to that mental space. And, you know, this is such an important reminder or even just maybe someone is hearing this for the first time and thinking like, oh my god, I'm so stressed out about not focusing on my mental and emotional health and I mean, as you're sharing these stories, I'm recognizing this in my own life as well as how whenever I focus on my own health and wellness, everything else including my business, my relationships and my like my output from my work and how I show up and that space is so much more whole. And you know, the first time I kind of heard a story about this was years ago, someone was saying, I delegated a bunch of tasks that needed to be done, and then every day for what this person did was commit to something with self care. so it was like a one hour massage one day and the next day it was like taking a long bubble bath. and I'm thinking, how do you have the time to just because it's not really a one hour massage, you're driving to the resort and you're driving to the spa. you're getting you don't.

Being able to turn on vacation, tomorrow I leave, and I'm thinking to myself, am I okay to turn off the workload to settle it and it's going to take at least a day to transition to that sometimes.

I'm getting better at relaxing, but you know, it sounds scary because you're like, but I have to keep doing. I can't stop. I can't take breaks. I can't quit and it's like you're not quitting you're fueling yourself. You're filling your cup, so that you can scale so that you can shine the brightest. and, man, I feel like I wish I took that more seriously when I started.

It's the new year. We can do it today!

What's one thing the listener can take away today like what's one thing that we could do right after we finished that will help set ourselves up for this year, mentally and emotionally?

AV: I feel like within this like near your spirit, setting goals and all of those things I keep coming back to this thing where like so much talking about rest and maintenance, right? It's so hard.

I will not be working but my brain is thinking of 1 million things like technically I'm watching TV but it's also doing something else. So it's been a real struggle and the emotion that comes up for me is guilt. I feel guilty of not working. I feel guilty of not showing up at 100 I feel I feel like I am taking away from my work when I give time to other things including so it's a work in progress for me and I like to be honest about it because we live in this productivity era. And I'm all about it and I consider myself a productive but it's hard to turn that to a job it's hard to just feel like I don't want to rest because that helped my business I want to rest because I want to I want to do travel because I want to write so. i i just i Everyone has affirmation that I'm so glad you asked that question. But the thing about those words is like sometimes like I when I started I used to I am abundant. And then I would like these things in small, but me and no way i i have the term. She's like seven figures and beyond lovely person just like living and preaching what she, you know, like what she talks about? And she said I make money while I sleep. And I was like in full honesty. I do not believe that right now. Like I can repeat that to myself if I don't believe in it. 100 And like I can tell the Yeah, for myself. I prefer other than that it's not true. Right now. And then she said one of the things I think I've ever heard she said what can you get your energy which is like it's easier to believe and what I couldn't get my energy behind was like I take breaks when my body is in overdrive.

I choose to take breaks when I feel tired. I do not power.

I take breaks and like I come back.

And I think when you're choosing your words or like when you're choosing to do things to yourself at the end of the day the goal is to be more gentle towards yourself. Like why do you want to be this mean person?

Ourselves, right? So I My goal is to have like my my goal is that the voice is quiet kinder and more gentle towards myself. And I have this sticky note which, like, pasted on my desktop and everything will work out. Get you a recipe for water that is very simple.

And I think that is the key when choosing some words When we're choosing words to guide us.

​​It's so funny because like in 2020 My posted used to say pressure as a privilege.

Right? That was where my mind was and I still agree pressure is a privilege but I don't resonate with that as well. It doesn't say that that season in my life. So you when you choose words, you have to believe that

Something that one thing The one thing that the listener can do today.

I think just every time you feel stressed and every time you feel like you're behind, every time you feel like you're spiraling and someone is doing better than us. Just take a deep breath and like step outside even if it's just like literally outside the door, just like get out. Physical location has energy in and with the home office lives like it's really hard to get out of that zone and I highly highly recommend just getting outside, getting nature, getting outside for a walk. and you don't have to be like hell to agree with you on these things. These are just little steps and little habits. like in the heart. it's almost like learning how to breathe again. You know? so, like it's a little thing but I don't believe that it's like the number one hacks or anything, just like it's a lifestyle thing.

Yeah, whatever makes you feel, feel like you could, whatever feels like hey, this is something my best friend would do for me right now. Do that for yourself.

[29:48] VL: Oh, that's so good I love it! Oh my gosh, I love everything you're saying. I think that's really important. it's especially the way we talk to ourselves or the way that we view things like there are times of business where we need to reflect and say like okay, this is what's working. this is what's not working, the leads of judgment out of that. you know, it needs to be like you said, What would you say to your best friend, you're not gonna lie to them. you're gonna be honest and you're gonna be loving and caring and I always say the most important relationship you have in this world is the one you have with yourself because that's who you are with at the end of the day.

And so you really have to love that person. You have to love yourself. That could mean going to therapy, it could be working out. It could be getting that fresh air. It could be hiring a team or delegating your tasks. And you've touched on so many things and so many actionable steps that people can do that are so simple. And love what you and your coach said about, you know, what, can you get your energy behind? What's something true for you? And really is that starting point of that feeling of what you want to embody what you want to identify as, And you just grow from there. those little tiny things. It is a lifestyle, I think, of choosing entrepreneurship. You have to understand that.

No, you don't really stop but you're the one who makes the choices and you can choose And I think we can both agree that we believe highly recommend choosing taking breaks and prioritizing rest and prioritizing the health because really, like if you don't have your health if you're sick all the time or if you're rundown or burnt out or feel too much pressure. What use are you going to be or how expertise are you going to be in your field ? So many good things.

Before we get into the final rapid fire round of today's show is there anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share?

AV: I think in the beginning of the podcast we talked about urgency, and how I don't think that there's urgency in my business, or like in my work like in my career. I feel like I have time to show the world other people love it and just not that I am very ambitious. I just given myself time to do all those things, and it feels better.

That being said, I, I realized the real urgency in their life. It exists with people.

I chose to travel to India because I realized, hey, my parents are getting older. You know, and it's a reality for a lot of millennials and I know they're the things that do have an expiry date and urgency. So choose what you feel like it's urgent for you like you're, you know, the whole concept of glass balls and plastic balls like things that can bounce bounce up. Some things cannot. So, your health, like sometimes you have a health condition that you cannot reverse all the time. There's multiple health but health family, those things are top priority for me because those are actually urgent and we just like we have this list of urgency all flipped over, and that's not, that's not good for you or anyone, though. Yeah, I just wanted to share that.

[33:35] VL: That's perfect and I think that's another great action is really recognizing what our priority is and recognizing that family does come first. Certainly for me, like I spend a lot of time but I choose to do that right and I understand what you're saying about the urgency. My parents, my grandparents. So that's really great. I'm glad that you mentioned.

So, my darling. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business?

Website: https://www.aashimaverma.com/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/aashima-verma 

Instagram: https://instagram.com/theaashimaverma?igshid=MWI4MTIyMDE=

RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR favourite book?

AV: I actually watched the woman cake yesterday and Viola Davis's memoir, “Finding Me” something along those lines. 

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

AV: Empowerment means… It means taking responsibility for everything that happens to you just literally Yeah, taking responsibility, why when I feel responsible for whatever happens to work for me. I feel empowered because I feel empowered to change the situation or tainted outcome.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

AV: I think I have my sleep routine. But I've struggled with sleep. My entire adult life that I did say no fine before sleeping and like a rational person to do my skin care. and I have my sleep music so that's like the whole streets of habit, but to sleep. 

4. What are you currently working toward?

AV: Currently I am. as I mentioned, I'm in this huge transition or that's what it feels like working with selective clients that are that are growing exponentially, but not scaling sustainably. So that's what I'm working towards: just find those people and focusing, you know, and helping them be sustainable so that they can truly have a life outside of their work.

[37:17] VL: That sounds so amazing. And I'm so excited for this transition in your life. I know you're going to be doing so many amazing things for some really incredible people because that's who you are. And that's what you do. And I wanted to say thank you so much again for being on the podcast. It's been so lovely. chatting with you. It's a pleasure to have you. And I just again, I want to recognize that you are an incredible inspiration and very educational person in this virtual world. I know we have a lot of mutual friends and connections and I think that we would all agree when I say that You really know how to hold space for other people and lead by example in your work and in your life and we're all I'm for sure very grateful.

Aww, I do try. And yeah, if I can do it I know other people can too. I don't believe in gatekeeping, this is lovely to hear. Thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E214: 3 Unexpected Ways Healthy Habits Could Change Your Life

Almost exactly a year ago we launched our very-first-ever 21 day Healthy Habit Challenge, and since then we’ve supported over 100 women in elevating their life through healthy habits!

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[00:42] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! This is the first episode of 2023 and in all honesty I was feeling some pressure as to what I would share for the first episode of the year. 

I asked myself: 

• How could I best support the audience of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast?

• What could I share that would really inspire and empower them to make the most of 2023?

• What do they need to hear at this moment? 

So I asked the questions, and I got quiet. I felt a nudge toward “stories.” Stories from everyday women who are making an impact. Women who are taking action to connect deeper to themselves and to their communities.

And three wise women said HELL YES! To sharing their stories and experiences of the life-changing magic of their healthy habits.

Last year I was so fortunate to work with these three women and over a hundred more on elevating their lives through tiny changes.

We did this in a closed community container I host seasonally for 21 days, and we call it the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge!

Our next challenge starts THIS MONTH, and you can join us at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge

Now, if you’re listening to this episode after our winter 2023 challenge, don’t you worry! We still have spring, summer, and fall to come! So use the same link to access the upcoming challenge OR the waitlist.

Okay, before we get into these voice clips, I have a request for YOU, the listener. I am asking you to listen with the intention of tuning into yourself and answering these questions for YOU!

You might be thinking, “But Val I haven’t participated in the 21 day challenge… yet?”

If that’s the case, answer the questions as if you had participated. Imagine WHAT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU.

Answer in the past tense to manifest it into your present and future. I’ll explain more of how this works as we go.

[00:40] First question: What is your name, feeling word, and habit for the 21 day challenge?

Claim your name with power and worthiness. “I AM (state your name).”

The feeling word is very crucial to forming our new behaviour, because the feeling anchors us in the NOW. How do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in this world? How do you want to move through your days?

What one or two SMALL actions can you perform every day for the next 21 days to help you connect and embody this feeling word. This is your new healthy habit.

Need some inspiration? Let’s hear from our incredible guests:

Paula: My name is Paual Jeffery, and my goal was to feel strong and supported and my habit was to move my body every day for 21 days.

Robyn: My name is Robyn, and I participated in the 21 day challenge. My feeling word was light and the habit that I chose was to get 10 00 steps in every day, primarily being outdoors getting those steps in.

Jana: My name is Jana and my feeling words for the 21 day healthy habit challenge were centered, balanced, and spaciousness. And I was really just wanting to feel more intentional, more balanced like I had more time in my day to get things done. My habits were no cell phone an hour before bed and an hour after waking, getting in 2 litres of water at least, getting in some movement every single day, and also daily meditation.

Can you tell already how important the feeling word is? It identifies the WHY of the healthy habits, so that as you go through each day, you are reminded of why you signed up in the first place. As you create your feeling word, create the habits around it. Each day you have the opportunity to connect to the feeling even before you complete the action.

Speaking of action, each of our guests took action and enrolled in the healthy habit challenge. But every journey starts even before the beginning of the 21 days. This leads me to the… 

[5:54] Second Question: Where were you in your life, or how were you feeling before starting the challenge?

So let’s say you haven’t completed a challenge yet. What is it that is calling you forward? Where are you at right now in your life? The frustrations, the goals, the readiness. Recognize it, and describe it. 

We all have different reasons for needing a change, no judgment necessary. Knowing where we’re at helps us understand the best next step forward.

Maybe you have done one of our healthy habit challenges before, or something similar. What were your reasons for joining? What called you to this next level in your journey? What did your body, mind, heart, soul need?

There are clues to our possibilities within this call to adventure, let’s hear from our guests to understand what brought them to this point in their journey.

Paula: Before starting the challenge, I was definitely in a place where I was not feeling supported. I was coming out of a fairly stressful fall in winter where my physical health had sort of fallen by the wayside. and this really felt like an opportunity to kind of get back in touch with my physical body and figure out ways to help feel supported so that it can support me.

Robyn: At the time, I was adjusting to a big season of my daughter's starting kindergarten and coming off a really busy chaotic summer. So I'm really looking forward to giving myself some time and space in my day to focus on my health mentality and to just release a little bit of the heavy burdens. I was carrying.

Jana: Before starting the challenge, I was just feeling like my mornings were sort of wasted time. There was nothing intentional about them. and I wasn't taking advantage of being able to start my day when I wanted and you know, all the benefits of having my own business. I wanted to do it so that I could have slow mornings and really get my day off to a good start. And I wasn't doing that I was wasting time scrolling and I was drinking too much coffee and then it left me feeling jittery and awful. You know, so I was really just wanting to be a bit more intentional and have some really good foundations to my day.

In each of these three scenarios, we can pinpoint both moving away and moving toward. Moving away from not feeling support, of a chaotic season, of an unsupportive routine. And moving toward a deeper connection to self, more spaciousness, and more intentional routines.

In your own response, with how you’re feeling or where you’re at before starting the challenge, are you moving away or toward? There is no right or wrong answer, and maybe the answer is both! 

These questions are meant to help you reflect and review so that you can make wiser decisions moving forward with a ritual, routine, habit or system that makes you feel most joyful and supported!

[09:47] Third Question: What was your favourite part of the 21 days?

Picture this: you and other like-minded women working toward empowering and elevating your life through these small, meaningful actions.

These tiny actions are leading you to remarkable results in your life, relationships, health, and more.

Within the 21 day container, and with the support of myself and the community, what shifts, changes, magic do you feel happening for you?

When you think of how you showed up, even when it was tough, what memories bring a smile to your face through the process?

There were many great moments, but here were the favourites from our guests:

Paula: I think my favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was the Instagram aspect and seeing Val's posts every day, reminding me that I needed to move my body, I think that was really helpful but it was also just a really good reminder that I wasn't the only person doing it, and I loved seeing other people sharing their little charts showing their progress and with their reflections and everything like that.

Robyn: My favorite part of the challenge was just the commitment and the accountability. There were many days where I did not feel like getting my steps in but I was so motivated to have and the community behind me I did not want to let them down. I did not want to let myself down. And it was a really beautiful experience of keeping a promise to myself. And ultimately, there were some there were some areas where I was not able to get my stepson because I got sick and got a bit crazy, but I was still able to feel into my feeling where it of lightness and other ways. So I learned it was even less about the habit and more about who I was becoming through the commitment to myself and the feeling of being light.

Jana: My favorite part of the challenge was having Val in my corner and having an accountability buddy and I did do the one on one private coaching session with Val which also just helped me go so much deeper and really connect more to why I was wanting to do this.

And MY favourite part of these challenges is seeing how the community shows up for themselves and each other. It’s pretty incredible to see the collective group moving toward a common goal. Some people have connected outside of the challenge and continue to cheer each other on through life.

In the last voice clip, Jana shared that she had a 1:1 coaching call with me, which I offered to the challengers as a bonus/add on for anyone who wanted to take advantage of it throughout the 21 days.

This allowed us to connect privately with more accountability. I also do voice note or DM check ins with everyone sporadically during the challenge and this helps me see where people are at, if there is any extra support or education I can offer live throughout the challenge. 

It’s not one of those automated dripped content courses. This is REAL-TIME, REAL PEOPLE, REAL RESULTS, THE REAL DEAL. 

Which leads me to…

[13:22] Question Four: What part of the challenge had the biggest impact on your life during the three weeks?

Let’s say you chose a healthy habit that made your life better by 1% every time you completed this habit. Now let’s say you continued this action every day for 21 days in a row. Your life would improve by 21%. Right?

Yes AND here’s the hidden gift about consistency when creating a new healthy habit: it creates a positive impact on other areas of your life.

For example, when I get 8 hours of sleep every night with consistent wake up and bedtime hours, I have more energy when I wake up. When I have more energy in the mornings I feel motivated to get more done. Tasks like: communicating with team members, clients, and the community in an enthusiastic way. I’m motivated to workout, maybe even lift heavier weights, or make things a little spicier in my pilates practice.

And those are some very basic examples of how getting 8 hours of sleep with consistent wake up and bedtime hours impacts not only my quality of sleep, but my energy, my relationships, and my physical health.

What about you?

What tiny action is a 1% improvement for your life? What can a 1% improvement repeated, do for you in all areas of your life?

Let’s listen to how our guest’s healthy habits impacted them in life-changing ways…

Paula: I think the feeling word had the biggest impact on my life because it really reframed the purpose of a habit. and it helped me get past a lot of the obstacles that came up. So instead of focusing so much on having to do a certain workout every single day, focusing on how my body feels strong and supported today really opened up a whole world of opportunity for what my habit could look like each day. and I think that was really important for me as somebody who doesn't necessarily resonate with doing the same thing every single day. That really opened up a lot of freedom and it shifted the way that I look at habits in general.

Robyn: The part of the challenge that had the biggest impact in my life during the three weeks was just that every single day commitment to spending some time with myself and prioritizing my needs and showing up for who I wanted to become. Not just who I was in the current reality of a bit of chaos and busy days. So showing up for the version of me that was stronger, that was lighter, that was more nourished that had more space in her day. allowed me to actually be that person and experience that reality because I was able to create it and to see that it was possible for me to have already I didn't have to wait for it. The check ins were also really helpful.

Jana: Again, I think the biggest impact that I felt during this challenge was connecting back to that feeling wired and everything in my life I do is about a feeling or you know feeling good or getting rid of a bad feeling or, you know, using my feelings as a way to guide me and my day to day and so getting back to that feeling and why do I want to feel this way? It really had such an impact. Also getting more water didn't hurt anything. I swear it helped me sleep so much better. And, you know, getting more sleep just makes you feel more balanced and centered so that was also a huge thing.

The healthy habit challenge is meant to be simple, with a focus on taking action. Whether that is taking action with the new habit, or in another way being able to connect to the feeling word. 

While I set the challenge up to be as smooth, simple, and easy to do as possible, it is still called a “challenge.” We don’t always want to do the healthy habits. If we did, I probably wouldn’t have created this program. 

Which is why I included…

[17:52] Question Five: Were there any obstacles you faced before or during the challenge? If so, how did you overcome them?

To answer this question for yourself, reflect on past experiences of when you’ve wanted to make a new healthy habit, or break an unhealthy one. Where did you get stuck? How did you overcome that obstacle?

Again, this is information; it’s evidence to understand how you can set yourself up for success. Let’s hear from our guests…

Paula: I thought the biggest obstacle meeting my goal of the day, the actual biggest obstacle was having compassion for myself when I missed a day and continuing forward.

I think that it was really helpful to remember the feeling that I wanted to evoke on those days and that feeling strong and supported can look many different ways, even if the habit action doesn't look exactly the same. So I think that was a really helpful piece of the challenge.

Robyn: Some of the challenges I faced was I got sick. For a few days, I had no energy, my body was telling me to really rest. And I had this internal tug of war around whether I could get my 10,000 steps in or not. And for me, that was really about listening to my body feeling connected to my body, and honoring what was truly in alignment, not just what I thought I should be doing. Which really changed the landscape of the goals for me because it was less about ticking the box, and more about becoming someone who kept promises to herself, someone who prioritized the way she wanted to feel someone who consistently connected with her body, nourished her body in the ways it was asking for.

Jana: One of the obstacles that I came up against was probably just after the first week we're midway into the second week. I forgot why I was doing this. I was just going about these new habits I was trying to bring into my life without remembering why and remembering what that feeling word was. And so Val brought me back to that and connected me to my y and that really helped me to remember how I wanted to feel every day and then it made the habits easier to do because then it didn't feel like I was just doing something for the sake of doing it. I was doing it for a reason to feel a certain way.

With any journey, with any transformation comes the waves of change. Obstacles aren’t excuses for giving up. They are there to deepen your commitment, to remind you of why you started, to make you stronger along the way.

If it were too easy, it wouldn’t be fun! 

Something these three women have in common is that they have participated in multiple 21 day challenges, so I wanted to know if they did anything differently the second time around.

[21:19]  Final question: what did you do differently for your second round that made you more successful with your healthy habits?

For you, answer this as the version of you who has just completed 21 days of elevated habits, routines, or rituals. How are you going to show up for the NEXT 21 days after that? Knowing what you know now, how will you continue to grow, and elevate to the next level?

Perhaps our guest can give you some ideas with how they did this themselves:

Paula: The second time around was more successful hands down because I was more committed to it. I was more engaged. I was clear on my intention. I was deeply connected to my feeling word, and I really wanted it to work. I was also just more open to it. Transforming the way I saw the habit that I was working with, instead of it being a forceful thing or fixing me or anything like that. it was something that I really wanted, and it was something that felt good in my body to commit to so fully. It was better because of how I showed up to it.

Robyn: I've done the challenge twice now and I would say that this time round. I really felt into my my feeling word a little bit more intentionally, as well as what habit I wanted to create for myself, not something that I thought I should choose, or for a reason I thought I should choose or that would be healthy for me, but I really allowed myself to choose what felt truly aligned and to not overthink it. I think that made all the difference because there was a lot of fun Enjoy attached to getting my steps in and it felt so much less like a chore. And when there were challenges that presented themselves It was easy for me to pause and then get back on track to maintain that goal. And that commitment to myself and to create that feeling word, no matter what was going on in my life.

Jana: The thing that I did different for the second round of the challenge is again about connecting to that word about connecting to how I want to feel and really just keeping that in mind. The actual habit that I'm trying to create almost doesn't matter so much as the feeling. And I think Val says that best where she gives the example of going to the gym, and it's not about going to the gym. it's about closing that laptop. First. you know, it's the thing you do before you do the habit. and Val can explain that better than I just did there. but it's about what's the thing that I want to do before I do the habit. And so, you know, connecting to those feelings again and just keeping that front and center, makes all of the difference to me. So, keeping my words in mind. And, you know, I am going to stick to some of those same words.

I love that each of our guests emphasized the intention and the feeling of being something more meaningful and personal to them.

During the challenge I will show up daily with short posts and stories to encourage, inspire, and educate the challenge members. In the very early days of the challenge I put a lot of emphasis on the feeling word and choosing habits that resonate most with YOU. Not what everyone else is doing, or what’s trendy in the wellness world. But what would make you feel most joyful, centred, light, strong, etc.

And what Jana was sharing at the end, about the habit not always being what you think… that was one of my shares when I talk about how the habit isn’t the workout. The habit is that I close my laptop and get in the car to drive to the gym.

If I don’t close the laptop, I’ll stay working on my computer all day! But when I close it and get in the car and drive to the gym, I have to workout. Plus, the workout is different every time I go to the gym, but the laptop closing is the same every time. 

So as you prepare for the next 21 day healthy habit challenge, consider how you want to feel, what actions/behaviours can help you connect to this feeling wod, AND is there anything else that has to be done BEFORE your new habit?

If you’ve answered these questions for yourself in the past or present tense, you’ve tricked your brain into thinking that you’ve already completed the challenge. That you’ve already jump started the journey to elevating your life through new healthy habits.

This allows you to embody the version of you you desire to be. And instead of desiring, you are becoming; embodying; identifying as HER.

With the reflection, examples, and stories you’ve heard today, what are your next steps as your embodied self?

Perhaps it’s joining our next challenge

Or maybe it’s writing your feeling word down on a sticky note and keeping it somewhere you can see it every day.

There is no time like the present when it comes to forming your healthy habits. Whatever action you decide to take today, let it be one toward your goals and highest self.

More episodes like this:

Episode 173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact in Only 21 Days

Episode 194: From Frazzled to Focused in 21 Days

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E213: Best of 2022 / Holiday Party!

One of the best ways to wrap up the year is to celebrate how far you’ve come with the people you appreciate most! Thank you for joining me this year, and for this holiday special…

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[00:39] This is the final episode of the year, and as tradition goes, we always end the year with our Holiday Party episode where we countdown the top five episodes of the year!

This is a great opportunity to revisit some of your favourites + a reminder to celebrate everything you’ve achieved this year. What better way to celebrate than with each other!

What’s pretty cool is that we’ve kept this tradition going from the very beginning of the show.

Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 160: 2021

Episode 109: 2020 

Episode 59: 2019

Alright, as long as it is safe for you to do so - meaning you aren’t driving or anything - I would love for us to raise a glass together to cheer for this past year. Today I’m drinking a classic hot chocolate with marshmallows and oat milk. Mmm

To the ups and downs… to the lessons and to the gifts. This year has been an adventure, and we’ve made it through. May we grow stronger and wiser from where we’ve come, and may the new year bring us support, abundance, and magic.

SALUT!

As much as I love the tradition of this show, I did want to do something new this year. If you’ve been a long time listener, you would have noticed a few changes to the show! This year I started incorporating little “book report'' episodes! 

In human design my profile has a “1” in it. This means that a personal quality of mine is being an “investigator.” This quality makes me eager to learn everything there is about a particular subject or topic. I love diving into books, blogs, podcasts, posts, conversations with experts and so much more. It can be a little obsessive, but the good news is it makes me better at what I do because I’m always learning new things and ways to apply them.

In these book report style episodes, I share some of my biggest takeaways from the book as well as how I apply the techniques, concepts and ideas in my own coaching programs and services. 

They’re great episodes if you’re looking for a quick book summary before reading it for yourself, and/or if you’re interested in taking action on your immediate goals and habits!

The books I’ve read and shared on the show this year are:

Episode 174: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

The Four Tendencies Book

Episode 182: GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Grit Book

Episode 199: Limitless by Jim Kwik

Limitless Book

Episode 212: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Atomic Habits Book

I plan on continuing with this style of episode and featuring four new books for next year! If you have any book requests or suggestions, you can send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife

While these book report episodes were popular this year, they were no match for our top 5 most popular episodes of the year. 

[5] E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kickass Routine ft. Candice

[04:00] Our 5th most popular episode of 2022 was episode 166: A Gentle Approach to a Kickass Routine with Candice

This year I featured some of my clients and community members who have worked with me in creating their new healthy habits and routines. My guest Candice was one of the client features.

Candice and I became fast friends when we met in Belize almost three years ago. And even though we live in different countries, and are currently on opposite sides of the world, we still manage to stay in touch and talk almost daily!

Through our time of knowing each other Candice and I have worked together on and off with a number of different habits, routines, and rituals. 

Some of the big transformational pieces from our work together has been overcoming the “all or nothing” beliefs: “If I don’t do all the new habits at once, then there’s no point in doing them at all.”

As we worked through the “go hard or go home” mindset, Candice learned that a more gentle approach to herself and with her routines was really the key in creating the perfect, kick-ass routine for her.

At the time of the production for this podcast episode, Candice is in the midst of more travel! I wanted to know how Candice was taking her practices on her travels and into the new year.

1. How are you balancing your routines as you travel? Are there lots of changes you have to make while you’re away, can you tell us about those?

Candice: I had to reframe how I hold routines while I travel. That's been like probably the biggest change and shift is that like recognizing that my routines and my habits are a toolkit that I can I can pull from in any given moment based on for that time, right and so instead of having to do all of my routines and being more flexible, and also being a little bit more kind and gentle while traveling, not not always going to be able to work out or not always gonna have the space to meditate or whatever it is, like whenever I talked to you last I was on a 19 hour train journey, right? It's like not working out on that train. Also, like I got up at 3am didn't get into bed until after midnight. And so like that day, wasn't able to like meditate, tried to journal a little bit on the train, but it's like very, very bumpy and so being gentle with myself and flexible, has been key, I would say into finding that balance has really been about flexibility and introspection. There are a lot of changes that I've had to make and a lot of it comes back to introspection, like being aware of where I'm at energy wise and whatnot. Noticing when I need social time when I need to give myself alone time where I can just focus on myself journal, you know, create that space.

A lot of it too is prioritizing like while I'm traveling, it's really easy to get like wrapped up in all of the, like, the busyness of travel and doing everything, seeing everything, like a routine will ground me a little bit and so I've had to adjust it quite a bit and be really mindful about my mornings to just to set the day, the tone of the day and then my evenings I really have to prioritize, excuse me, really have to prioritize making even just like a few minutes for like gratitude practice.

Journaling practice and normally back home like my gratitude practices can Evening, Evening journal, with gratitude but while I'm traveling it's way easy. like it's I'm doing such cool stuff that it's easy to incorporate the gratitude practice throughout the day. which that's another thing that I like to bring home with me from this trip.

2. With traveling more, and being in different time zones, different schedules, and of course new places, what rituals are you practicing to ground yourself and be gentle with yourself?

Candice: I kind of answered this. The second question about that last one. So I think that with traveling in your schedules and being really flexible and everyday things are different. The rituals that I'm practicing now are like very pared down.

Like, I try to work out and move my body every day and sometimes that means like, jump roping, and I have the space energy etc or doing yoga if I really need to, like, just have a moment you know. Like, I try to work out and move my body every day and sometimes that means like, jump roping, and I have the space energy etc or doing yoga if I really need to, like, just have a moment you know.

One of the big rituals that is very consistent when I'm home or when I'm traveling is my meditation practice and my journaling practice. Journaling practice is actually a lot better when I'm traveling. I have so much to say and like so much to write down. So those are things that are really self aware. about when I need a long time to prioritize that.

Also, I forget about it, but it's vital to talk to my friends and family. Easy to be lonely when you're solo traveling and really kept up with keeping in contact. ANd that ritual is a new one for this trip.

3. Any extra wisdom or lessons you’ve learned this year that the listener would value?

Candice: The biggest piece of wisdom that I've learned in the last year or so from travel and habits and the 21 Day Challenge is your habits are a toolkit and they are meant to be flexible Here like the introspection to know which habits are going to help ground you or reset you what's going to be the best for you in the long term is case like having introspection but also being kind and courteous with yourself and you don't do all because you can't. And that’s fine. I think it’s about introspection and being kind and loving towards yourself, throughout your process.

It really sounds like Candice has come a long way with the loving kindness toward herself since we last worked together. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, and I am guilty of this also. 

It warms my heart to hear this transformation and wisdom from Candice, and sharing the stories of community members has been one of my favourite additions to the show! Some of the other episodes featuring clients are:

Episode 165: Exponential Growth Through Gratitude with Rubani

Episode 177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business with Steph

Episode 181: Giving Yourself Grace Through the Process of Creating New Self Care Practices with Suzanne

Episode 185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae

Episode 188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

One cool thing I discovered this year was that Spotify does a “wrapped” for podcast creators! And to my excitement, the podcast has grown SO MUCH this year with an 80% increase in subscribers, 61% increase in streams, 59% hours listened, and 42% more listeners of the show!

We’ve also received so many more wonderful reviews on Apple Podcasts, this one is from:

LindaOrsiniYoga

“I have been loving the Women’s Empowerment podcast for several months now. Not only does Valerie have such a warm and welcoming voice, she also shares important information and tips that are relevant to life right now. I especially loved her podcast about the difference between a Habit and a Ritual. She has a great mixture of facts with applicable stories to help reinforce them. Thank you for all your hard work and for all the interesting guests on your show.
Linda O”

— LindaOrsiniYoga

Thank you so much Linda, I am so glad you find value in the episodes!

[4] E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness ft. Junielle

[13:32] Our fourth most popular episode of 2022 is episode 164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Junielle Rosher

This episode aired almost a full year ago. It was SUCH a great topic to feature in the new year, and I’m glad the audience connected with it because it was a great conversation!

At the time, our guest Junielle, went by Elle, and even though I’ve updated the name of the title and in the thumbnail of the episode, we didn’t re-record the episode, so you’ll still hear us call her Elle. I know reclaiming her name was a really important part of her journey this year, let’s hear from Junielle how this evolution came to be and how it’s going for her now:

Junielle: It's been about two months since I have fully embraced my name Giniel again and because of that, I don't think that I have fully thought through and looks back to see just how much has changed and how much I have changed and just this evolution, because, you know, like your name is such a huge part of your identity.

In most cases, we're not changing our legal name. Aside from when, you know, we're getting married, and if that's a choice that you decide for me, so for the most part, the name that you were given at birth is the one that you keep. 

And what happens when you have such a love hate relationship with that name? Not because you don't like yourself, but because of how people interact with it.

For the longest time as a kid, I first grew up in a neighborhood where I looked different from everyone. There are probably one or two other black kids in the school and there'd be times where people would ask, you know, if we were related and so I was already looking different than the kids taller than the majority of the kids. And so I just like what a lot of kids want to do at this time. Just wanted to fit in.

Whenever there was, you know, like a substitute teacher that would come in.

You know, there just be those moments of them going through the list of names fairly quickly. And then coming to my more ethnic name and stumbling like crazy. Were like, there would be times where I knew that my name was coming up next, so I just said my name and just saved all of us that pain. But through that I really felt unheard. I felt I didn't feel seen. And so when I grew up, you know, went to University and graduated and then finally realized that I wanted to start my own business. I reinvented myself essentially, you know, like going to a new school where nobody knows you. Like, I liked meeting so many entrepreneurs. So I kind of did. Beyonce Sasha Fierce version of having an alter ego and took out, which had already been my social media name for a couple of years and ran with it. And through that I was able to temporarily step away from Junielle and just kind of had this blank canvas where I could create the person that I wanted to have a different persona without And so there were so many things I learned from really identifying and stepping into Elle.

For example, in people-pleasing was a huge thing for me, where I just found it so hard to speak up for myself and take up space, but with Elle and being an entrepreneur you had to do that in order for people to even know what it was that you did.

And so, through that I was able to work through a lot of that pain and just cultivate this new more confident version of myself. and for that I'm so grateful you know, I'm really happy that I did that.

Because of how it got me here to where I am right now where now that I've kind of had that distance from Junielle kind of like the distance makes the heart grow fonder idea where because I in the entrepreneurship space, I was Elle to reclaim Junielle was a huge thing for me because it's only really the people who know me, who knew me, just on a personal level, who would call me engineer, but to fully embody that in every single space that I was in was really really big for me because I, I think I finally understood that. Back then I didn't have the language and the tools to stand up for myself.

Like you know, in grade school, and high school and just like growing up in like my young adult life, whereas now, I was able to say, well, actually, this is how you say my name and I gave myself that permission to stand up for myself in that way and not be scared or defensive or worried that the way that I corrected someone or just the act of me correcting someone would be a bad thing where I would then have to comfort them.

You know, back then it was very reactionary and I kind of assumed that I kind of just had to deal with whatever was being given to me.

Whereas now it was me learning that I really needed to teach people how to treat me and how to do the very simple thing of saying my name whether it took me one time to teach them and they caught it on the first try. or after the 20th try.

They finally understood it, you know, it's actually to be honest with you, even family members still don't even spell my name right. they say it right but they don't spell it right. And I now have the courage to say well actually, this is how you spell it, you know regardless of how they react because I was so afraid of that beforehand.

being able to speak up and feeling like I couldn't tell people or teach people how to interact with me or how to communicate with me or how to speak with me, but rather that this started with me. And until I got whenever I felt confident in who I was - nothing else was going to change.

And so that is the story of how I started off this as Junielle went back to Elle in the entrepreneurship space, and came back to Junielle in all areas of my life.

I’m so grateful for this share because when I do this countdown and prepare for this episode in particular, I obviously check out the stats and see where the podcasts are landing, but I also relisten to each of the top 5 episodes.

And when I was listening to this episode with Junielle, and I kept hearing her repeat the points of confidence and loving yourself, and I had to emphasize that with her own story and journey, since she’s been able to step into her own power and confidence through reclaiming her name.

We’ve had 12 guests on the show this year and each and every one of them has brought so much passion and helpful information.

(click images below to go directly to these episodes!)

[3] E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish ft. Kaylie

[24:46] It makes me so happy to see not one but TWO of the client episodes in the top five this year, because I believe these stories and experiences from real-life people are so important in seeing the possibilities of lasting positive change in your own life too!

Which brings us to the 3rd most popular episode of 2022, episode 188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

We had fun in this episode chatting about how we met at the Moon Course on a trip to Guatemala. One of many things Kaylie and I shared in common was our dislike of routine and structure, and yet here we were, working on creating supportive routines!

In our episode together, we talked about how when we prioritize ourselves it inspires others to do the same. So I wanted to ask Kaylie two questions as we head into the new year:

1. How are you reminding yourself to prioritize your own self care and needs over the holidays and into the new year?

Kaylie: So one thing that I've adopted recently to help prioritize myself actually came from you Val, was that they were seeing the habit is not going to the workout but putting on your shoes, something and so I translated that to my own habits, habits not doing skits. Unrolling my yoga mat, and I know as soon as it's unrolled, like I live in a small cabin there's no other places to walk other than, like, on the mat. So as soon as I unroll it. and so that has completely changed my perspective. This habit that I've had for a long time has brought the energy.

Another way that I'm prioritizing myself is making sure I get enough sleep. Tonight if I'm tired, there's no way I am going to be socializing. There's no way I'm going to be baking yummy cookies, or bring joy to whatever event I'm at, so I'm really making sure that I get enough sleep. Luckily, up here in Canada, the days are a lot shorter. And it's only three o'clock and I can tell that the sun's starting to set so that makes it a lot easier when the nights are so long. helps me sleep But that's yeah that's essential for getting.

The way I remind myself to keep up these good habits is I have a daily planner, and I write down When I have completed my yoga. And I also check back often to my sleep app on my phone and I keep track of how much sleep I'm getting.

So yeah, those are some of the ways I remind myself to prioritize my needs.

2. In what ways has putting your own needs and routines first inspired others to do the same this year? (

Kaylie: So along with recording on your podcast Val, I also had the joy of recording on another friend's podcast and I know we spoke a lot about habits about putting ourselves first we spoke about loads of things, but I know that in that podcast I do talk about small, seemingly insignificant actions that can lead to bigger changes.

I know that that inspired my friend who was interviewing me, and also I’ve had a few other friends listen to another podcast is called

Heaven on Earth Podcast (episode with Kaylie) and yeah, so I like to think through my amazing friends podcasts, to inspire other people.

I’d also like to think that through amazing friend’s podcasts, I’ve inspired other people.

I also like to think that I’ve inspired people through example. So I do like to take that quiet time, and usually in the mornings I take time to stretch or meditate, and anyone who has spent time with me sees me doing that. Usually my boyfriend or my family or close friends. I’ve had friends see me do that and decide they will take that time today as well. My mom has started a practice of her own, and whether that’s through me or not, I’m not sure, but I like to think that I’ve inspired through example. 

3. Any extra wisdom or lessons you’ve learned this year that the listener would value?

Kaylie: One thing I really learned this year was balance in lifestyle. And that's kind of a constantly evolving lesson. Balance is never stationary and what can be a good healthy balance for one month doesn't necessarily need a good healthy balance for the next month. And so with plenty of changing things in my life, I moved, I started up my work that I had pre [pandemic] which was working for myself. I went through multiple big lifestyle changes. ​​And so I was really adjusting what balance meant for myself.

It felt like every month there was a new challenge for a new balance to find, and maybe I didn't quite have as much peace as I was hoping in the summer months. So even if I felt like I wasn't getting the rest, I crave June, saying I feel like I'm getting it now. So in a way, even month to month I wasn't necessarily at a balance I wanted for the whole year, my energy out versus energy in has found a quite healthy place and you know I'm gonna keep, keep working on it and prioritizing. Keep these healthy habits, whatever a healthy balance is for me at that time.

I love seeing how the habits and routines our community has implemented evolve over the year and with the changing of the seasons. It’s perfect for maintaining healthy lifestyle practices, while keeping things fresh and flowing in our lives.

[32:40] TIME CAPSULE 21 QUESTIONS!

One of the traditions of this show is really similar. It’s our 21 questions! The questions are pretty much the same every year, but the answers are always evolving.

I’ll share all the questions with you because I’d love for you to do them every year too. Once you answer them, look back on last year’s answers and you can reminisce on where you were at, or celebrate how far you’ve come. It’s pretty fun to see the growth and transformation in your life with these questions.

What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

😴 “YES! I can sleep in a little while longer today!”

What's the first thing on your to do list?

💻 Teach virtual pilates, and send invoices

What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

🛀 A relaxing Epsom salt bath

What song are you loving right now?

🎶 W.I.T.C.H. by Devon Cole

What's your favourite essential oil?

💙 can’t get enough peppermint beadles lately

When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, four years later?

🎙 What’s cool is that this year I rewatched Episode 01 of the show, and my intentions at the beginning were to reach more people, and this year the podcast is surpassing 93 000 unique downloads (completely organic growth). I’m excited to say that I’ve surpassed so many goals, and even more excited to raise the bar!

What's the best advice you received this year?

starsAsk yourself yes/no questions instead of this/that and tap into your gut response to make decisions and move forward.

What's the biggest lesson you learned? 

💕 I’m stronger than I think. I am my greatest obstacle. I can do hard things with deep breaths.

Where do you get your show and business ideas from?

🌈 This year I tapped into creative through travel and taking time off and resting. I also had great feedback from listeners for ideas, which brought out more ideas for me to work with.

When is the best time for your creative process?

🪐 Whenever I allow it to happen and stop trying to force it to happen.

Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring? 

🖤 WEDNESDAY ADDAMS! Obsessed with the new Netflix show and my friend and I are dressing up as her to take photos with Santa ahahah

Tell us about your current routines… 

🌄 Morning: wake up, make bed, green juice, mushroom tinctures, collagen, breakfast (lately oatmeal + berries), Achieve Planner to map out the day.

🌠 Evening: Duolingo, (sometimes reading), phone on airplane mode, gratitude, write out tomorrow’s tasks.

What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage? 

✈️ I just got back from Squamish, BC, Canada and I am so glad I packed Flight Fud, electrolytes, lip chap.

What was the last thing that made you cry? 

🌺 Craig and I were watching Acapulco on Apple TV+ and the season 2 finale was emotional (happy-sad) so I was tearing up.

What do you want to be remembered for? 

🌟 For making someone believe in them-self enough for them to achieve something meaningful in their life.

What's the best gift you've given that doesn't cost money?

🎁 A really genuine hug that made me feel safe and seen.

What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

🥟 Making pierogis with my Babcia and family for Christmas

What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

✌️ Take really deep breaths and space to be alone

Favourite quote + why?

💗 “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” - James Clear

This quote really shifted things for me this year, even though I had heard it before. It helped me reshape my goals and get back on track with more meaningful actions.

Biggest highlight of 2022?

💫 Launching my very first 21 day challenge (and the 2 more that followed); Meeting one of my business besties: Chantelle IRL at a really fun retreat for Creative Entrepreneurs; Investing in myself and in my business by hiring my coach; Going on a solo road trip for the very first time to visit my family in the USA; Creating boundaries in my life and business and seeing growth through this confidence; Connecting deeper in my relationship with Craig; Hitting 90k downloads in the Women’s Empowerment Podcast; Visiting my sister in Squamish and spending time with her. So many highlights!

What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

💁‍♀️ Valerie. you’ve fallen seven times, and got up eight. I hope you are celebrating the magic that you are and can shine brightly for the world to see. No more hiding, no more wishing, time for recognition and receiving.

[2] E167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply ft. Blaire

[35:12] The second most popular episode of 2022 is episode 167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply with Blaire Caplan

This episode is moving, inspirational, and speaks so boldly about the importance, power, and practices surrounding self love.

At the time of this podcast recording Blaire was sharing that she had surpassed over 700 days of the Miracle Morning routine featured in Hal Elrod’s book! I’m curious to know if Blaire is still working on this routine, or what her morning routine looks like today!

1. Are you still practicing the Miracle Morning Routine? If not, what does your morning routine look like now?

Blaire: Yes, I am still practicing the miracle morning routine and turned into a sort of ritual for myself. I'm not doing a full hour meditation and you know full two hour routine anymore. I'm sitting pretty at like 1520 minutes a day. but I'm still doing it. it is day 1062 Actually, which is wild to say out loud, but it's something I'm pretty proud of. So yeah, still meditating, affirming myself, visualizing my day doing my yoga is my exercise, reading and writing, still doing the whole routine.

Blaire shares so many incredible one-liners and affirmations in this episode that I suggested she create an affirmation card deck, for people to pull, and she replied “It’s on my future projects list for 2022”

2. What future projects or goals have you achieved this year? Were they on your goals list, or did they manifest as more of a pleasant surprise this year?

Blarie: Yes, the affirmation deck is in the works, it is actually entirely drafted and then we've got intentions of having it go to print for 2023. So that is super exciting. I'm very excited to just share words of love with the world because God knows we need it! 

Some other goals that I reached that weren't necessarily goals at first, I actually am now a level three Reiki practitioner and I am in two trainings, one to become a Reiki Master and one to become a Shaman.

It seems very fitting at this point but I never thought that I would be taking that route so very pleasantly surprised and I am just so excited to bring such deep healing to the world.

Lastly, Blaire has such epic wisdom. I wanted to ask her about self-love during the holidays and as we do our future dreaming for 2023:

3. What words of wisdom can you share for the listener during the ups and downs of the holiday season? As well as some self-love tips or practices for creating their goals or dreams for the new year?

Blaire: Some words of wisdom for the ups and downs: let it be what it needs to be. You know, there's a lot of wisdom in the downs and there's a lot of fun in the up so you'll either be having fun or learning a lot. Either way, it's good, you know, it's good if you let yourself see it that way.

​​I also think it would be a good idea to get into the practice of reflection, you know, at the end of the day or at the end of interaction or experience or event, you know, you can just ask yourself like what went right? What went right today? And asking yourself that question, I think, really opens up a new perspective.

For creating I like that you say goals and dreams. I'm not a fan of resolutions. Everything is exactly as it needs to be. Nothing is wrong. There's nothing to resolve. But I am a big fan of setting intentions for ourselves and you know, tangible actions and steps and plans and intentions are wonderful.

But lately, I've just started to focus more on what feels good instead of what sounds right. So, I guess my tip would be to ask yourself, what makes you feel good? What makes you laugh? What makes you smile? What brings your inner child out, and then set an intention to do more of those things in the new year.

You know I think true success is radical joy. What's the point of going through all the hardship if we can have a little bit of fun too.

I love hearing about how the year goes for the Women’s Empowerment guests and community! Especially with these episodes from the beginning of the year, with the time that has passed there’s bound to be changes. 

Even in my own business things have evolved over the last year. I’ve really shifted into simplifying my offers and systems. One of the ways I’ve done this is with a new valuable free offer for the community to help you create your new habits and rituals.

It’s called Build Better Habits and it’s your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.

You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you!

Grab your copy at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits

[1] E168: Building Trust with Yourself

[41:00] You’ve made it to the number one episode of 2022! With over 875 downloads, this is actually the number one episode of all time (so far)! The most popular episode of 2022 is episode 168 Building Trust with Yourself, featuring yours truly!

I was a little bit surprised that this was the most downloaded episode because it’s very different from any other show on the podcast. This was actually a recording I did with Coach Kasia Bradford for her From Timid to Confident Summit. She reached out to me around this time last year I believe to be a part of her summit, and I was thrilled to be included.

After we recorded, and after the launch of the summit, Kaisa sent me the recording and I used it for this episode. What’s fun about this particular conversation is that I am the guest and I share a pretty detailed version of my journey which was really exciting for me. 

So Kaisa, thank you so much for including me in your summit, and for being part of this holiday party/countdown!

If there’s one thing we can take away from my own story and journey, I hope it’s that: we need to listen to our internal compass, our gut instincts, and take big leaps! There is so much joy, adventure, and abundance waiting for us when we accept the call to it!

Share your favourite episodes with me on instagram @vallavignelife!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E212: Tiny Habits, Remarkable Results (Book Report: Atomic Habits by James Clear)

When we see massive success, it’s easy to think that these results came from massive action. We feel pressure to make earth-shattering changes and improvements in our lives so that we can reach big goals. 

However by making tiny changes, we can make more meaningful, remarkable results. This is the power of atomic habits…

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[00:54] About a year ago I read the very famous book Atomic Habits by James Clear. When people hear that I am a Health Coach who specializes in Healthy Habits, most of them bring up this book. And what a success Atomic Habits is! Over 9 million copies sold WOW! If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. Get your copy here!

I decided to re-read the book again for the purpose of sharing with you on the podcast how I use this book with my own clients, members, and offerings. This is also a great episode for you if you’re interested in the book but not ready to read it yet. I’ll be sharing a lot of the key points, and useful takeaways with you today. It’s kind of like a little book report!

Other Book Report Style Episodes:

Episode 199: Create LIMITLESS Habits (LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik)

Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)

Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

There are a lot of reasons why I enjoy and recommend Atomic Habits:

• James Clear does an excellent job at organizing, outlining, and explaining useful concepts to create habits that stick.

• The book has lots of evidence-based self-improvement strategies, memorable stories, and helpful figures, images, and charts.

• It’s also very engaging, motivating, and actionable. And if you know me, you know I’m all about taking action!

I’d love to spend our time together today discussing the whole book and going through each chapter with you, but this is not a book summary, this is a podcast episode. And with each of my episodes I have a goal to inspire you to take action after listening.

[03:00] The Habit Loop

So for today, I’ve decided to share with you Clear’s Four Laws of Behaviour Change. These four laws make a framework that is based off of the four stages of a habit, also known as The Habit Loop.

“The four stages of a habit are best described as a feedback loop. They form an endless cycle that is running every moment you are alive. This “habit loop” is continually scanning the environment, predicting what will happen next, trying different responses, and learning from the results.” (p.50)

The four stages of the habit loop are: 

1. Cue

2. Craving

3. Response

4. Reward

“The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behaviour.” (p.48) Our brains are continuously analyzing our environment, noticing where we can find rewards.

“Cravings are the second step, and they are the motivational force behind every habit.” (p.48) We need some level of desire or motivation for us to act. All of our cravings are linked to a desire to change our internal state, the craving is not the habit. We crave the result of doing the habit. Every person is motivated by different cravings because we have different desires. 

“The third step is the response. The response is the actual habit that you perform, which can take the form of a thought or an action.” (p.48) The action of the habit can only happen when we have two things: enough motivation and the ability to do it. If there is more physical or mental effort involved in completing the action than we are willing to do, it won’t get done. And if we aren’t physically or mentally capable of completing the action… it also won’t happen.

“Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every habit.” (p.49) The previous three stages are getting us to our reward: “The cue is about noticing the reward. The craving is about wanting the reward. The response is about obtaining the reward.” (p.49)

We chase rewards again and again because they satisfy our desire/craving, and also because they teach us which of our actions are worth remembering in the future for when we want this reward again.

Our behaviours are all driven by the motivation to solve a problem. Some examples:

• We want to achieve a goal to feel good (moving toward something)

• We want to relieve our pain (moving away from something)

In my Make a Habit Mentorship, I work with clients 1:1 to create personalized action plans for their new habits, routines, and rituals. The very first part of the framework I’ve developed is called Trigger. In this beginning phase we are outlining the different cues, aka triggers that lead us to our transformation aka reward.

Between these two parts of my framework are three other steps that can be used in any order, they are: tools, track, tweak. These three parts of the framework are similar to stage 2 and 3 of the habit loop: craving and response. 

As mentioned before, this habit loop is the basis of Clear’s Four Laws of Behaviour Change to help create good habits and eliminate bad ones.

[06:26] The Four Laws of Behaviour Change

The Four Laws of Behaviour Change help us create a good habit are:

The 1st Law: Make it Obvious (cue)

The 2nd Law: Make it Attractive (craving)

The 3rd Law: Make it Easy (response)

The 4th Law: Make it Satisfying (reward)

You can also invert the four laws to break a bad habit:

Inversion of the 1st Law: Make it invisible

Inversion of the 2nd Law: Make it unattractive

Inversion of the 3rd Law: Make it difficult

Inversion of the 4th Law: Make it unsatisfying

[07:05] The 1st Law: Make it Obvious

Let’s take a closer look at the first law of behaviour change: Make it Obvious. This law is all about our first stage of the Habit Loop: the cue.

What makes our habits so useful is that we don’t even need to be aware of the cue for our habit to start. We can notice an opportunity and take action without making any conscious effort or attention to it. It’s automatic. 

To support us in building better habits, we can use the two common cues that trigger our habit: time and location.

Do this with the Implementation Intention Formula: I will [BEHAVIOUR] at [TIME] and [LOCATION]. (p.71)

This formula asks us to be more specific with our new behaviour. For example, instead of us saying we want to do more pilates, we use the formula and our new routine is: I will take a pilates class at 8:00AM on Mondays at Exhale Pilates. 

In our first call of the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching, we clearly outline and use this formula so that right after we have our first call you are prepared to take action at a specific time and location.

Another helpful strategy is to stack our habits. We’ve talked about this before on the show, most recently in Episode 193 with Jessica Stevens. 

Episode 193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jess Stevens

Stacking habits means we pair a new habit with a current habit. The Stacking Formula is: After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]. For example, after I put on my pajamas, I will meditate.

You can reflect on your own daily behaviours, actions, and routines and notice your own cues with your current habits. Where can you stack new habits with your current behaviours?

When you’re creating a new habit, consider how you can make the cue more obvious within your environment. 

Using our examples:

Can you place your vitamins in your bathroom next to shower?

Can you set a timer on our phone to pre-book your pilates classes?

Can you keep your meditation pillow beside your bed or where you keep your pajamas? 

When we create the right small changes, these begin to lead to large changes in our behaviour over time. You can elevate your habits to be associated not with a single trigger but with the entire context surrounding your behaviour so that the context becomes the cue.

For example, if you want to eat more veggies, take them out of the drawers/crispers in your fridge and bring them to the doors and shelves instead. Keep the junk food and sauces in the drawers instead. This way, every time you open your fridge you’ll see the fruit and veg right in front of you and you’ll be more likely to eat them than if they were hidden away rotting in the drawers.

In what ways can you adjust your environment to better support your goals and new habits? What distractions can you hide away, what supportive tools can you keep in the forefront or more obvious locations?

[10:44 ] Inversion of the 1st Law: Make it invisible 

Right before halloween we bought a box of some of my fave chocolates: mars, twix, m&ms, the best. I said to Craig, “don’t open this box until Halloween. Because if it’s open I’m going to eat these, but if it’s not I won’t open them!”

Sure enough, he opened the box before Halloween and I started eating them. Nearly all of them. They were gone before Halloween night so we had to get more chocolates!

Being the Healthy Habit Coach that I am, I knew better than to keep the box in the kitchen. If we want to break a bad habit, we can invert the 1st law and make our bad habit invisible.

It’s a lot easier to avoid temptation than resist it. We can put the box of chocolates in our basement pantry on the high shelf behind the storage boxes where it’s totally out of sight, out of mind until we need them on Halloween. 

I also have a group coaching service and I love talking about what obstacles we could foresee when we’re trying to swap habits in the Healthy Habit Membership with the community because we often share insights and ideas that other people in the group might not have thought of right away. 

All these light bulbs go off in the group and we’re able to address obstacles before they happen with helpful solutions. 

There are a lot of us who think we have the self-control we need to break bad habits, but it will only take us so far. We need to focus on long-term strategies like avoiding temptation, and reducing exposure to cues that lead to bad habits.

When I didn’t buy clothes for a year, I avoided the mall, at all costs. I also unsubscribed from emails from clothing stores, I unfollowed fashion blogs, accounts, and stylists. And I read more articles about sustainability, fast-fashion, and minimalism.

It worked because I truly didn’t buy clothes for a year!

Episode 61: I Didn’t Buy Clothes for a Year

[13:16] The 2nd Law: Make it Attractive

Clear’s 2nd Law of Behaviour Change is Make it Attractive. This is all about our cravings, because “the more attractive an opportunity is, the more likely it is to become habit-forming.” (p.111)

The craving is the anticipation of the reward. If you’re having trouble stacking your habits with the habit you currently do, and adding in the next habit, try the habit stacking + temptation building formula:

1. After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [HABIT I NEED].

2. After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].

I used this when I was trying to drink more water in the mornings. After I come downstairs from sleeping, I will drink 1 cup of water (need). After I drink one cup of water, I will do my coffee ritual (want).

Actually I think that’s how my entire morning ritual started, and to be honest, I don’t even drink that much coffee anymore, less than a cup a day! It used to be my reward, and now - this is going to sound so cheesy - my new morning routine is the reward itself for me. I love how it makes me feel, and it’s also pretty productive. 

But enough about me, let me tell you how we use this in the Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge! Once a season I run a 21 day challenge open to anyone who wants to join. We just started it this year, and we’ve had over 100 women take this challenge!

www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

The very first day of the challenge, participants are prompted to choose a feeling word. And while in a way this could be seen as the reward, the goal of choosing a feeling word is so that we create cues and cravings that bring us closer to this word in the event that we cannot complete our actual habit that we set out, how can we at least connect to this feeling word?

This allows us to identify multiple routes to getting to our desire and so our positive actions and behaviours become more attractive to us.

Also, since the challenge is run live and we’re all doing it at the same time, I use my close friends list in instagram stories to share the stories, experiences, and trackers of the other challengers to encourage and empower the community during the 21 days.

Clear talks about how the role of family and friends shape our habits, and “one of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where (1) your desired behaviour is the normal behaviour and (2) you already have something in common with the group.”

I believe that this is another reason why the Elevate Your Life challenge is so successful, because our group comes together ready to Elevate their routines, and we share that, it’s pretty amazing. 

Our next challenge is coming up, you can join the challenge, or the waitlist for our next challenge at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

Think of some of your current behaviours and how they might have been influenced by a group. Were you seeking approval, respect or praise? This is a common form of attraction and creates cravings for habits from the crowds we’re in.

[17:44] Inversion of the 2nd Law: Make it Unattractive

To help eliminate or break a bad habit we can invert the 2nd law of behaviour and make it unattractive. 

The habits and behaviours we have now are modern-day solutions to our body’s ancient desires. Some of these ancient desires are: (p.127)

• “To conserve energy

• Obtain food and water

• Find love and reproduce 

• Connect and bond with others

• Win social acceptance and approval

• Reduce uncertainty

• Achieve status and prestige”

These ancient desires can also be called deeper underlying motives. We crave a surface level manifestation of this deeper motive.

Netflix and chill = conserving energy

Swiping on Tinder = Finding love and reproduce

Posting on instagram for likes = win social acceptance and approval

If we want to break our bad habits, we can ask ourselves, “how can I make this habit unattractive?” One of the ways we can do this is by associating our bad habit with a negative feeling. And the same works for when we create a new habit, we can associate it with a positive feeling.

When I’m working with clients 1:1 in the Make a Habit Mentorship Program, I listen when my client says something along the lines of, “I should be doing this habit,” or “I have to do that.” There's a subtle difference between: “should” and “have” to “I want” and “I get to.”

Usually “I should” and “have to” have an underlying negative feeling. Guilt, shame, frustration, and discomfort are a few feelings that come to mind.

And “I want to” and “I get to” are typically connected to positive feelings. Such as: excitement, anticipation, gratitude, and appreciation.

When we unpack the meaningfulness of the habit the client is coming to me with, we might discover that this habit is actually irrelevant to the client and they only thought they needed to do it because of social or family pressure.

Going deep into these layers often requires an outside perspective, or coach’s skillset because we really understand the neuro-linguistic programming of habitual behaviours and language. 

This unbiased opinion and professional perspective can get to the root of the behaviour more directly, and this way the client can focus on more useful and productive actions to rewire the neural pathways.

If you’re having trouble making your new habit more attractive, it can help to create a “Motivation Ritual.” This means doing something you enjoy immediately before a difficult habit. The motivation ritual can be the simplest mindset shift of swapping “I have to” with “I get to.” Try this out today!

To help you create your new habits and rituals, I have a free guide just for you! It’s called Build Better Habits and it’s your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.

You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you!
Grab your copy at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits

[21:08] The 3rd Law: Make it Easy

Our third law of behaviour changes is Make it Easy. This feels like one of the most obvious ways to build a new habit, and yet people don’t do it. Why?! You may ask… well because they think “what’s the point!?”

I was working with a client recently on a habit she wanted to build: reading daily. Her style is all or nothing; go big or go home. 

Unfortunately weeks were going by and no books were read, no pages were turned. If she couldn’t sit down and sit still for an hour a day to read, she wasn’t going to read.

In her frustration, she booked a call with me. I suggested creating a micro habit to make the habit easier.

“What’s the point of two pages a day?!” She asked. 

I said, “The point is practice. The point is action. The point is you’re actually moving the needle – or in this case the bookmark forward. 

In 30 days you could have read 60 pages of a book, possibly more! But instead we’re x number of days into the month and you’ve read 0.”

Here’s the deal, the most effective form of learning is practice, not planning… so even if you’re only reading two pages of a book a day, the point is you’re reading the book. And sometimes you’re settled into reading that you continue to read more than two pages. 

Sometimes we do certain things and make certain moves and we think we’re supporting our habits but we’re really just in motion. 

For example, we buy a stack of personal development books, or add them to our cart. This is motion. We want to focus on taking action instead. Action is reading the book. 

Consider what habits, routines, or rituals you want to create. Are there behaviours or moves you're making that have you in motion? Or are you taking small actions to get there?

When behviours are new for us, they are not automatic right away. But with repetition, they become more automatic. The more we repeat them, the more automatic they become. 

Going back to our reading example:  it doesn’t really matter how long you read for today, what matters is that you continue to read again and again.

I was invited to speak about Healthy Habits for Actors, and the video is now available on YouTube 

In this workshop – which really is wonderful for actors, creators, performers, and really anyone truly trying to change their bad habits and make better ones – I speak more to the motion vs action. If this is one of your stuckspots, I encourage you to check out this workshop and make some notes… but more importantly take action!

In my own experience through building the Healthy Habit Membership I’ve learned a lot about myself and also our members.

When we started the membership there were more call times. We had 2-3 coaching calls per month and as the months went on fewer people were attending the live calls. 

The membership has evolved into one coaching call per month with a workshop/theme for the month of mindset or helpful tools to support any habit and not just a specific type of habit or area of wellness. 

The skills I teach are transferable, like in Atomic Habits, and in this podcast episode.

Now in the Healthy Habit Membership, the members have direct access to me one day a week where they can connect with me through text, voice note, photos, and video on Voxer. This weekly support helps the members in the moment. It allows them to ask questions that pop up after our coaching sessions and lessons in real-time and has been one of the best changes we’ve made in the membership so far.

These adjustments in the membership made behaviour changes easier, and focused on action verses showing up to calls, which emphasized the motion.

[25:35] Inversion of the 3rd Law: Make it Difficult

Just like the other laws, we can invert the third law to break a bad habit. The inversion of the third law is Make it difficult.

Snack and candy companies spend millions of dollars (probably more) a year on researching all of the ways to get consumers to buy and eat more of their products.

From the attractive and bright packaging to lure you in, to the way you have to reach into opaque bags so you don’t realize how much you’re eating at the moment, to the addictive ingredients in the products. 

They know that if they want you to buy, and eat, and buy more, they’ve got to make it really easy! (As well as attractive and satisfying, etc.)

You can imagine that trying to break bad habits can feel really difficult because sometimes it is. So let’s look at the ways we can make the bad habit difficult, easier for us.

Typically replacing a good habit with a bad habit is a lot easier than breaking a habit all together. We want to replace the behaviour with something new.

Instead of buying junk food on your next grocery visit, you can add healthy snack alternatives to your list and shop around the aisles avoiding the junk all together. (Bonus tip: go grocery shopping when you’re already full!)

Personally, if it’s not already in the house, I’m not interested in going out to get it. But if it’s in the house… well will power isn’t going to cut it when the craving hits.

The best way to lock in a new habit is to automate it.

For example if you want to start saving more money, you can set up an autopay or auto transfer into a savings account. This is perfect because it only requires your action one time, and then it keeps working for you in the background. 

Another one time choice example is investing in a better quality mattress for better sleep. This automates your future habits and delivers increasing returns over time (p.176)

There are a lot of different tools that can help us automatically track our habits which are also really helpful.

For example, my OURA Ring tracks an abundance of things and tells me about my daily readiness, sleep, and activity scores.

Your phone, Apple Watch, Fitbit, and OURA ring will also track your steps. The bluetooth water bottle I have tracks how much water I drink every day. Meditation apps, language learning apps, I mean… you probably can open your phone right now and I’m certain a handful of the apps that are tracking your progress in some way.

If there are apps you’re already using, or one time choices you’ve made to support you with your new positive habits, I’d love to hear about them! Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife

[28:38] The 4th Law: Make it Satisfying

Alright friends, we’ve reached the final law of James Clear’s 4 Laws of Behaviour Change. The fourth law is Make it Satisfying.

This relates to the reward of the habit loop. The reward is what we crave! One of the key points in this chapter is that “we are more likely to repeat a behaviour when the experience is satisfying.” (p.193)

Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it! 

“The human brain has evolved to prioritize immediate rewards over delayed rewards.” (p.193) This information is very important and useful to building our new habits because it reminds us to create the simplest path toward our habit goal. 

Questions that come to mind for me are:

What is the most direct path to satisfaction? 

What are ways I currently feel satisfied with habits I’m already proud of?

How can I experience satisfaction quicker in an effort to get me closer to the bigger goal?

Clear also states “The Cardinal Rule of Behaviour Change [is]: What is immediately rewarded is repeated. What is immediately punished is avoided. To get a habit to stick, you need to feel immediately successful – even if it’s in a small way.”

Understanding the ways in which you feel satisfied, rewarded, and successful will help you create lasting change. Use the methods that are already working for you to get you to where you want to be. 

We all have different cravings, different goals, different rewards. Knowing your own can make all the difference in your journey!

When we use the first three laws of behaviour change – make it obvious, make it attractive, and make it easy – we actually increase the odds that the behaviour will be performed at that moment. The fourth law – make it satisfying – increases our odds that we’ll repeat the habit.

And remember what makes a new behaviour a habit? Repetition!

As we go through this together it might feel repetitive, or obvious. I get it. You might be thinking “duh Val we know these things about habit forming, we listen to your podcast.” 

Cool! I’m so grateful that you’re listening AND paying attention. And honestly these reminders are important. YES! Creating new habits is simple. But they’re much easier to not do.

Lots of our bad habits are satisfying. That’s why we do them all the time; again and again. 

And I’m not saying that to make us feel guilty about it. It’s the facts. Now we have to choose what we want now for what we want most. 

Do we want to keep smoking? Binge eating? Procrastinating? Being lazy? Continuing with the negative self-talk? Etc. etc. 

I guess that’s for each one of us to answer on our own. 

One of the ways we can make our new habits satisfying is to track and measure our progress. Knowing that we’re achieving or accomplishing something, knowing that we’re making progress is one of the most satisfying feelings.

Super easy and super simple: use a habit tracker to measure your progress. Also easy, mark an X or a checkmark on a calendar and watch how your progress grows. These visual forms of measurement are great forms of evidence and super satisfying.

In the Elevate Your Life Healthy Habit Challenge, everyone is provided with a 21 day tracker that they can easily share to their instagram stories or reels. Some use the tracker, and some create stories of their progress with little videos of themselves doing the actual habit.

Another powerful part of the 21 days challenge is that, because of the energy of the group, we’re committed to getting back on track. Even if we miss a day. In Atomic Habits, Clear recommends never missing two days in a row, and if you miss one, get back on track as quickly as possible!

[32:42] Inversion of the 4th Law: Make it Unsatisfying

The inversion of the fourth law is Make it Unsatisfying. 

“We are less likely to repeat a habit if it is painful or unsatisfying.” (p.210) SImilar to our desires, what we find painful or unsatisfying will be different for each of us.

For example, when I was growing up my grandparents lived with us and helped take care of my siblings and I when our parents were at work. Since I was a baby my grandfather was really sick. I remember he used an oxygen tank 24/7 to help him with his breathing. The ambulance came to our house sometimes and would take my grandpa to the hospital and year after year the doctors would say “this might be your last chance to see your grandfather.”

For ten years (maybe more) he was in and out of the hospital. And even though we were grateful that he came home each time, his quality of life was low. He needed lots of support from machines, medication, my grandmother and my dad. When we were little and would ask our parents – and my grandpa – “Why is he so sick?” they replied with, “Because he smoked cigarettes his whole life.”

Seeing this challenging quality of life for my grandfather made the habit of smoking so unsatisfying for me – and that’s the polite term I’m going to use for it. 

As I got older, people I met who smoked asked me why I didn’t like it so much and I told them, “My grandfather died of lung cancer from smoking.” Sometimes they would reply with some story about someone they knew who was old and a smoker and “fine.” But I didn’t care. Just like they didn’t care that they were poisoning themselves with cigarettes.

My now partner used to smoke before we met and quit about a year before our first date. What he used to do every single day he now finds repulsive.

I asked him one of the things that helped him, and he said a big one was not going outside with other people who smoked. Having people in your life who hold you accountable can be really helpful toward changing and transforming your habits.

With the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program I offer, this is one of the biggest impacts for the client. Knowing that in 1-2 weeks we’re going to have another conversation, or knowing that tomorrow I’ll be popping in on Voxer to hold them accountable and ask them how it’s going for them.

How can you make your bad habits unsatisfying?

Who can you reach out to to hold you accountable?

Could you post on your social media that you’re making a change so that more people see and ask you about your progress?

One of the members of the Healthy Habit Membership shared a blog post series about her morning routine and the changes and updates through her progress. It’s helpful for yourself to journal through the transition, and also helpful for others to read, perhaps as they begin or continue with their own personal growth journey.

[36:03] Speaking of personal growth. I would love to invite you to grab the free Build Better Habits Guide – I shared it earlier in the show and I wanted to talk about it one more time. 

You can download it to your device and fill in the workbook directly on your device, no printer needed! It’s the PERFECT starting point for your habit journey.

If you’re looking to work with me deeper, the challenge, the membership, the 1:1 coaching are all incredible options depending on where you’re at. If you’re not sure… you can contact me and we can have a chat to see what the best fit is for you!

Connect with me through www.valerielavignelife.com/contact !

Dear friend, thank you so much for spending this time with me today. Next week’s episode is our last of the year, and it’s our Holiday Party/Best of 2022!

Join me in a countdown episode of the best episodes of the year!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E211: A Checklist for Slow Living:

You’ve probably heard of the slow living movement, or seen the beautiful aesthetic on Instagram and TikTok, but what is slow living really? This week on the show I’m investigating what slow living really means, and sharing with you some of the ways you can create your own slow living routines and rituals…

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[00:51] I sat down to write this episode a couple of times, and a few of those times, I felt pressured by deadlines or rushed by the next appointment or task on my calendar. 

And the third time I sat down I decided, you know what? This isn't slow living, and this is why I'm having a hard time sitting down to write this. It's because I'm not coming from a place of slow and mindful and meaningful.

I will share a disclaimer that I do not advertise myself as someone who practices slow living, but rather I'm someone who aspires and intends to slow down more.

You see, I live in the Greater Toronto Area. And for those of you who know or live in big cities, you'll know that it is go go go even though I'm not in the downtown core. There is definitely an energy of fast paced moving and always on the go. “Busy” is worn like a badge of honour. 

And it wasn't until I traveled to Belize for the very first time and was on the island Caye Caulker, when I really had this wake up call to slow down. And funnily enough, it was while I was rushing from my hostel to the bar that I was meeting my friends at, that a local said to me, “You walk too fast.” And I stopped in my tracks and cranked my head around and looked at him and was like “Excuse me?!”

And he was walking super slow behind me and he repeated himself and said, “I walk too fast.” And I can't remember exactly how the conversation went because it was years ago now. But he was going to the same place that I was going. And so I guess we started walking together. And I was in so much pain, trying to walk that slow because I remember thinking, but we could just be there now.

And all over this island of Caye Caulker. There are signs that say “Go Slow.” And it was really during this trip I was on, that I started slowing down. I came home after months of being in these sleepy villages and you know small cities and towns where the pace is, you know, whatever the person feels like that day. 

After coming home from all of that I really noticed how fast everything else was moving. And it was a turning point for me. It was a deciding moment for me that I wanted to continue on being a little slower. 

Some things change pretty quickly. I was a lot more patient in traffic. I noticed that I was giving myself more time to do things. More time to drive to work, more time to get ready to leave the house and not rushing places and I was giving myself time to eat meals more presently.

And like I said this trip was a long time ago so I can definitely see how just being in an environment of fast paced lifestyle can bring you back into those old patterns and old habits. 

So again, I don't advertise myself or I don't claim to be an expert on slow living. However, I think this is another kind of turning point in my journey where I'm nearing the end of a year where I can look back on this past year and I can notice that my mental health was really low. 

At the beginning of the year. I struggled a lot mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I finally feel like I'm hitting this turning point and when I look at the tools that I use in my toolkit, what I'm discovering was working really well for me is that I was taking time to slow down. I was taking time to prioritize rest, and really noticing how life-changing that has been for me in such a short amount of time.

It was the actions such as taking items off my plate that really helped me. It wasn't doing more it was actually doing less and so I wanted to learn more and research more and share more about these practices.

You’ve probably seen on Instagram and Tiktok this ‘slow living’ or the ‘slow lifestyle’ and it's very aesthetic. And throughout my research, I’ve learned that it's not always so beautiful.

It's really more simplified. Essentially your priorities change. It's not about getting everything on your to do list done. It's about feeling good at the end of the day, and sometimes getting a lot of things done feels good and I was noticing that I was measuring my level of how I felt that day with how productive I was. And I actually don't know if I feel better when I'm productive or if I just feel like I've checked off some boxes – perhaps someone else's boxes. 

So it's been a really interesting journey for me and maybe this is part one of a slow series, a slow living series. Perhaps stay tuned for more parts of this as I continue exploring.

I’ve given it a lot of thought and I recognize that that slow living isn’t something I truly want to describe as my life or define myself as.

I definitely love the idea of it and I'd like to incorporate more of that into my life and daily routines. I think being the Aries rising that I am gives me a sort of fiery, impulsive energy and naturally I will need to have those bursts of energy and I feel like a bolt of lightning and I want to get all the things done and I'm excited about that. And that's something that I want to keep doing.

I don't just want to say, “Oh no, I can't do that because that's not part of this lifestyle that I maintain or that I have.” 

So, to me, slow living is really about mindfulness and intention and understanding who you are and what you want and not just defining yourself by the job that you have, or the checkmarks on your to-do list..

It's recognizing what is important to you, what is foundational and connecting with yourself by asking, “Am I living in alignment with those slow living intentions?”

Speaking of intentions, my intention for the podcast is obviously to empower women. And the intention I have for each individual show is to inspire you to take action right away through the tactical practical tools I can share. 

So I wanted to share some of the descriptions or definitions of slow living with you as well as a checklist of some of the many ideas and areas of your life you'd like to feel more present, mindful, and slow down in.

Now, before we dive into all of that, I do want to say: the lists I’m sharing are here for you as suggestions and ideas. I want you to listen to this episode and tap into yourself and your intuition and ask yourself what feels good for you? Which of these ideas do you want to incorporate to create your own list!

From what I’m learning about slow living through research and experience, is that it’s really about grounding in your intentions for a more meaningful and intentional life. Not just in general, but in the details of the day.

A free tool that I have to help you create this more intentional life is called the Build Better Habits Guide. It’s a downloadable tool and you can keep it for the rest of your life if you'd like!

You can directly type into the digital workbook itself. And it is an excellent tool for you if you are starting a new habit or if you want to get back into an old habit in a new way. Especially if you want to be specific and intentional with those habits, and like I said, I think this is really part of slow living. It's knowing yourself and being okay by yourself and being okay with silence while you're sitting alone at home and you know, it's okay to say no to certain things and it's okay to prioritize rest!

Throughout my investigation into Slow Living, I found common themes, or pillars of this lifestyle. 

[11:11] The first one is SIMPLICITY. At first I compared this to minimalism. And while minimalists live simply, they don’t automatically live slowly. 

As described on MarthaStewart.com slow living is “... about creating opportunities to disconnect, (literally slow down, and be more present.” [source https://www.marthastewart.com/2224818/slow-living-lifestyle] 

A lot of the time, creating opportunities to disconnect and literally slow down, can look like simplifying your schedule. If you have too many appointments, calls, meetings, or obligations you start to feel like a chicken with their head cut off! You’re always on the move!

With the slow lifestyle, simplicity has a lot to do with getting clear about what is most important to you, and eliminating everything else. To do this you can use this Simple Life Ritual:

1. Clarity: Make a list of the top 3-5 most important things to you. To help you, ask questions like: What’s most important to me? What are my core values? 

Once you have these 3-5 things, you make these your top priorities. These are the things you will make (more) time for in your life.

2. Commitments: Check out your current schedule, calendar, and commitments. Which of these adds value to your life? Which of these falls under your top 3-5 priorities? Whatever doesn’t align… gets eliminated.

3. Time: In connection to your commitments is your time. How do you spend your days, including the time between your commitments. Complete a time audit by writing down everything you do in a day and how much time you spend doing each of those things. Eliminate anything that isn’t important or isn’t focused/aligned with your top 3-5 priorities or doesn’t add value to your life. 

4. Tasks: Whether it’s work or home, it can be easy to keep adding to our to-do lists. This especially is where we need to focus on what needs to be done, and what we can eliminate or delegate. 

You can continue this simple life ritual with just about any area of your life. From your closet to your communications, evaluate what’s aligned, and eliminate the rest.

[14:02] The second pillar of the Slow Living Lifestyle is MINDFULNESS. We talk a lot about mindfulness on this podcast, and it’s an important topic to me. One of the best habits we can implement is mindfulness.

According to Wikipedia, “Slow living is a lifestyle which encourages a slower approach to aspects of everyday life, involving completing tasks at a leisurely pace.” [source] 

Of all the descriptions I’ve read, this one is probably my least favourite, although it is indeed very simple and obvious. The reason why I don’t like it is because to me, it sounds a little like slow living is lazy, when that isn’t the case. The leisure pace has a bit of a negative connotation, sort of like we’re dragging our feet because we’re avoiding something, when really it’s about enjoying the moment. 

And to enjoy the moment we must be present. And to be present in the moment, we must be mindful. Mindfulness is our ability to be fully present in where we are, and what we’re doing. This can be especially challenging for people wrapped up in the go-go-go environment, or who have never learned how to just be here now.

Being present doesn’t mean it takes you all day to complete a task, in fact, when I’m really practicing mindfulness I notice that I get more done in less time because I am focused on the task in front of me, and I’m not trying to multitask AKA task switch, which actually decreases our productivity by as much as 40%! [source*] 

Here is a list of ways you can practice mindfulness throughout the day:

1. Make your bed with intention

2. Smell your soap while taking a shower

3. Eat meals without screens or books or papers in front of you

4. Notice your connection to the earth with your feet as you walk

5. Take several long deep breaths and notice the air entering and exiting your body

6. Feel the sunshine warm your skin

7. Do a body scan 

8. Go for a walk and notice the nature around you

9. Practice meditation

10. Feel the softness of your pillow or the warmth of your bed

Blog Post: 101 Ways You Can Be More Mindful in Everyday Life by Rachael Kable

[16:24] The third pillar of Slow living is INTENTION. Earlier in this episode, I talked about intention. I learned a long time ago in my yoga practice, that it’s important to start every practice with intention. I took that ritual into my business, and my morning routine, and the podcast of course!

A slow living blog I stumbled upon defines slow living as “Slow Living means structuring your life around meaning and fulfillment.” [source] 

Similar to simplicity, we’re structuring our life around what we value most. When we’re intentional we make decisions that are meaningful to us, and hopefully connect to those same values and priorities. 

My most favourite (and easiest) way to set an intention for the day is to stir my feeling word into my morning beverage. You can do this too! Here’s how:

1. As your tea, coffee, or favourite beverage is brewing, hold your hands around the mug or glass. Ground through your feet and close your eyes if that feels good to you.

2. Take a few deep breaths and think of how you want to feel on this day. Maybe you go over the events you have planned, and perhaps you want to align with something specific to those. Or maybe you have another feeling in mind. Breathe it into your being.

3. When it’s time, pour the beverage into the mug/glass. Stir the ingredients counterclockwise to release any negative or stale energy from the day before/sleep. 

4. Next, come back to your intention. Stir the beverage clockwise while infusing the beverage with your feeling word energetically. Seal it by drawing a pentacle with your spoon. 

5. Drink the beverage (mindfully of course) and imagine the feeling word moving into your body and staying with you throughout the day.

It’s a simple ritual you can do every day, and for me, it helps me anchor into my feeling word in other parts of my day. I remember the feeling word when I’m stuck in traffic, or giving a presentation, or interacting with people during the day. 

Simplicity, Mindfulness, and Intention are what I believe to be the three pillars of Slow Living. 

As I reflect on the past year, and move into the new one, I intend to anchor into each of these pillars and build new goals, habits, and systems from these. 

Here are some more Slow Living Rituals you might like to add into your own routines:

11. Breathwork

12. Have a long hot bath

13. Practice gratitude

14. Read a chapter from a fiction book

15. Drink morning coffee slowly 

16. Stretch body head to toe

17. Practice mindful movement like yoga or pilates

18. Taste your toothpaste when you brush your teeth

19. Stop and smell the roses

20. Choose an outfit that makes you feel good in your body

I’d love to go deeper into conversation with you about slow living. You can find me on instagram and send me a DM @vallavignelife and share with me what your intentions for slow living are. 

Are you already practicing this? Are you curious? Are you ready to dive into the lifestyle, or take a similar approach to me and sprinkle it all in? I always love hearing from you!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E210: Building Trust with Your Body and Self with Paula Jeffery

Paula is a homeopath and hypnotherapist, with a special interest in human design (2/4 Sacral MG!). Her work is rooted in remembering that healing is first and foremost a journey back to self and, with the powerful support of Homeopathy, she helps women heal from chronic mental, emotional, and physical dis-ease…

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[01:01] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to bring you a new and special guest to the show. Welcome, Paula. 

Paula Jeffery: Hello. I'm so happy to be here. 

VL: It's so great to have you and I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner. but here we are together. So why don't we just dive into things? Why don't you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

PJ: For sure I'm Paula Jeffrey. I'm based in Winnipeg, Manitoba in Canada, but I am a virtual person. so I serve people all over the world, which has been my favorite thing to come out of the last few years when switching the virtual.

But I'm a homeopath. I also have training in hypnotherapy and in human design, so I kind of dabble and find different things that sort of align with my general philosophy of helping people heal their chronic illness by reconnecting with themselves and with their body and with their energy and with the parts of them that have been trying to express through their lifetime and have been forced to be silent or been shut down or been told they're not enough and things like that. So I work primarily with homeopathy. Homeopathy is a branch of natural medicine that uses homeopathic remedies. Which are potentized versions of basically anything plants, minerals, animals, substances, energies, it's an energetic medicine that basically helps shift your body's energetic state so that your body remembers how to heal itself. So I really like it because it's really natural. it's really all about empowering your inner vitality and reminding your body how to heal instead of forcing it to do these things which so much of our medicine is focused on. So it's really about allowing and empowering and supporting and guiding so that's kind of my MO in my whole philosophy and homeopathy really embodies that so yeah.

VL: That is so cool. And to be honest, I don't know much about it. So I'm really excited to chat with you today and learn as much as I can because as a line one in HD, I like to discover all those kinds of new things and get to all those little details. So thanks so much for sharing about that. I guess my first question for you is really about how we get to build this relationship with ourselves so that we can understand and let me preface by saying, when I also work with my health coaching clients, or even in the Pilates studio when I'm teaching people whether I'd be one on one or in groups, I noticed that we are so disconnected from our own bodies. I'll ask someone how's your body feeling today? They just kind of look at me blankly or they'll shrug and say usual. And, you know, it's like, I'm not asking you just for the sake of asking. I genuinely want to know how your body is. and they just don't have the answer. or maybe they don't have the answer in that moment. but how can we? how can we understand our bodies? Where do we start with this relationship?

[04:35] PJ: That's a really good question. And probably like the million dollar question for people.

I find one thing that I really love about homeopathy is, there's not really the end goal isn't really to figure out what's wrong with your body and why it's wrong. The perspective in homeopathy is really that you have a core energy that we call the vital force, which, you know, in yoga, they have a term for it and TCM they have a term for like every, you know, there's lots of different ways to talk about this energy and in homeopathy, it's the vital force.

And the idea is that the vital force communicates to us through symptoms through feelings through expressions. So it's not really about why do I have the skin rash or Where's it coming from or what imbalances that are caused by? It's really just oh, there is a skin rash and I'm noticing it and I know that my body is talking to me through that rash. So there's more of a kind of unprejudiced observer and unbiased observation of what is happening in your body and I find that that's a really good place to start, especially for folks who are coming from a very I mean, the culture that we live in where it's very much what's wrong with my body, how do I fix it? And stepping away from that into a more holistic perspective of what is in my body? What am I noticing? What do I feel right now? What do I see right now? Can be kind of that first step towards being that unprejudiced observer where we're not really looking to figure out a cause or a problem or solution. we're just looking for the sake of looking just to be witnessed just to tell our body like I see you, I hear you.

And I think that one way to kind of start playing with that is to get back to those basics of your bodily functions. So it might be really hard for people to all of a sudden tune in and be like, how is my body feeling today and name all these symptoms or feelings or experiences? Because that can be kind of overwhelming.

But to get back to the basics of, oh, I'm hungry. I'm gonna feed myself or oh, I have to pee. I'm gonna pee. And just like noticing those very basic body functions, which sounds so silly, but most people have shut off their awareness to those things in some capacity. So I feel like that's a really good place to start in terms of noticing your body and building relationships with it. because it happens all day every day.

[07:05] VL: It’s so true.

Yeah, you know what, now that you've mentioned it, I do. So I'm just trying to think of my own practice because I'll use myself as an example, I guess. When I lead guided meditations or yoga classes, and we're in that part of the class, the shavasana, or we're in the meditation where we're like, calming down and getting into the space.

I will lead the group in and I will practice this on my own. It's like being the observer, the non judgmental observer, and just noticing in that moment, so, you know, sometimes for me, it's like the simplest thing of like, I just noticed how I'm breathing. Right, like, Does my body need a deeper breath? Am I sitting in a funny way where I felt constricted or, or done a search and noticed? Yeah, I feel a little pain in my shoulder or, Oh, my hand feels a little bit ticklish or whatever those really subtle things are on notice just like how the breath goes in through my nostrils and like there's like this subtle tickling my nostrils, right. And I feel like I do that in these moments of mindfulness and awareness where I have the intention that this is the focus right now is I'm going to focus on my body. And I think building that as a habit has really helped me to be aware of things like, oh, I have to pee right now and I'm gonna go the bathroom or like, oh, yeah, I'm really hungry. And I know that a lot of people don't even know the difference between when they're hungry and when they're thirsty. So I guess this is like a really roundabout way of asking what are some of the ways that we can start doing this throughout our day? and not just, you know, in our yoga practice, or when we're doing tai chi or when we're one on one in session with you, for example?

[08:58] PJ: Yeah, I think that I really liked that. Use those examples because sometimes it does require those kinds of really intentional, unprejudiced observing moments in order to build that capacity to notice things throughout your day.

But I think that when you're looking at those moments throughout the day, we already do notice them. It's just a matter of ignoring them. I think that's kind of the disconnect for a lot of people is, we know that we have to pee, but instead we're saying no, no, I don't have time I have to, you know, finish this reporter to finish this case or have to finish doing this thing and then I can go And the more that we do that, the more we are kind of telling our body like, no, no, you're wrong. You're not correct in what I need right now. I know what I need. This is what takes priority.

And I think that for a lot of people choosing one of those bodily functions is probably the best place to start to just be like, you know, what, today I'm just gonna focus on making sure that I drink water when I'm thirsty. I'm gonna have a cup of water on my table. And anytime I think about thirst, I'm gonna grab that cup of water. I'm gonna drink some and just noticing how that shifts things for you. And that could be with water that could be with food.

Another thing that I noticed is that some people need things like timers. I'm one of those people when it comes to eating food because I will get into case mode and I will be studying and working and just totally zeroed out on everything else in my life. And I will work on that case for hours and hours and then all of a sudden, I'm starving, and I'm desperate for food. I'm so hungry, and then you end up going for a really high carb. My brain needs nourishment right now. And so I'm just kind of shoving it in whatever's in front of me. Versus if I had maybe set that timer for 12 o'clock to say check in and say am I hungry right now? Do I need a snack? Do I need lunch? do I need to take a break? but I find that those timers can be really helpful sometimes just as an opportunity to check back in not necessarily. a timer goes off and eats right now. but a timer going off and saying Oh how am I feeling Am I hungry, what do I need.

[11:13] VL: That's a great idea. I'm similar to you and like once I've been that's something I can very easily lose track of and then all of a sudden it's like famished because I stepped away from what I was doing. I think I noticed that the most when I might be doing a really big public speaking presentation or something that I'm really nervous about. it's like, my body doesn't know what's hungry or thirsty or has to go to the bathroom and then it's the moment the second that event is over. I'm like oh my god, I have to pee. I'm so hungry like nobody likes to talk to me that will look at me. I need to water right now.

​​And I didn't realize any of those things. so I like the idea of having those timers having those check-ins to connect with that because sometimes you need that obvious reminder and it's not forever but it's a great way to get started for sure. Thanks for sharing that.

Now, okay, so let's say we've built this relationship a little bit better and we're aware of the very basic things when we need to eat, when we need to squash or when we need to have a drink. What happens next when we do get a rash or we do notice our digestion? Like let's say we're bloated or maybe our sleep quality has gone down?

What do we do then?

PJ: That’s a great question.

I think that it's it's so individual for each person, but maybe I'll share a bit about where I feel I've landed in terms of how I feel about my health and my symptoms. And what I do when and when I coach clients on when stuff comes up. And what that is, is I feel like as you build this relationship with your body as you start to trust those cues that your body is telling you, as your body learns that you trust those cues. And it knows K when you often talk about the body is kind of like a toddler that you're taking care of.

Because I find them very similar in the sense that if a toddler says to you, I have to trust them and you take them to the bathroom and you help them out. Then there's a level of trust that's been built between you and that toddler, this person, something that I need. They're going to respect that and I know that I can come to them and that builds a relationship that there's a trust and I think that's one of the most important pieces of health in terms of chronic illness when we're trying to heal from it. or just maintaining our health day to day is having that level of trust between body and soul.

So when symptoms come up, instead of seeing that rash come up and feeling like our body has failed or body is doing something to harm us or there's something wrong with our body. we see that that body or that toddler is really just saying to us something's off and we need a little bit of support.

And there's so many different places you can go and a symptom comes up. Obviously my go to is homeopathy I find that the easiest route for me and for other people, it's different things, different modalities, but I find that one of the most powerful and important things that you can lean on first when symptoms come when a symptom comes off is that that sense of trust. It's just like your body needing to pee. It's your body saying, I have a system that needs support. When you need to pee, it's going into the bathroom when you need to eat, it's feeding yourself. When it's a rash. It might be something else, it could be something that has to do with the life situation. It could be something that has to do with an irritant. Maybe you got a new laundry detergent and it's irritating your skin. So it's really just your body communicating to you and being able to meet your body in a place of neutrality and trusting that your body right now is communicating something really important to you.

And it's not always your job to dive into it and figure out what's wrong and you know go down the rabbit hole. Sometimes it's just noticing it and realizing that your body is potentially already resolving that issue. By the time that symptom comes on your body has responded adequately. It's protected you from whatever incoming stimuli is bothering your body. And now it's dealing with it. And I find that non intervention can often be the most powerful tool that we have is to just kind of say, okay, I'm okay with this as long as I can stay regulated and feel safe in terms of what's coming up. Obviously if there's something emergent happening, we have to do something. But how can we support ourselves as a symptom loops through and just see if our body can do what it needs to do to resolve it, because oftentimes it can’t.

[16:09] VL: Whoa. It's a lot, but it's also really important. 

I think one of the things that really stands out to me is this lack of trust in our bodies, and it's like we treat our bodies like machines we treat our bodies like we like they owe us something, you know, and it's like, okay, because I catch myself in this mindset to know I've got to go to the gym four to five times a week. I've got to make sure that I'm drinking my greens every day. I've got to make sure that I'm getting the eight hours of sleep I need to and it's like, well I'm doing this for you to my body and my body doesn't like something or it's tired. Your daughter doesn't want to go to the gym today. And I feel this resistance like what the heck like we need to do this because we have things to do and we have people to see and we have places to go. And I do see that a lot. I recognize that a lot with other people in their relationship and building that trust as well. So what are maybe some tips that you have or insights on?

Maybe the ways in which we can catch ourselves in those moments of like that lack of trust or for maybe another way we could say is like lack of self appreciation or self love. I feel like it's not the right term. But you know what I mean? Where it's like, what's something that we can say or affirm or remind ourselves of to remind ourselves in those moments that we're feeling a little bit at war with our bodies?

JP: Yeah, I think it's a huge practice and, you know, we all have our ebbs and flows with it.

I think really shifting the perspective, away from the model of when my body has symptoms, it's broken to when my body has symptoms, it's already healing. That's a really powerful one for a lot of people. If my body is talking to me through symptoms, it's because it has the capacity to respond to what's happening. If you go out on a super hot day and drink no water and you get heatstroke. It's not a sign that your body is broken. It's a sign that your body is trying to conserve water, Protect your organs and keep you alive. And honestly, thank you. Like, that's fantastic. I'm so sorry for not drinking more water. I'm gonna go get some now like there's a clear intention that your body has to keep you alive. That's what we always say: it's your body's job to keep you alive. Your selfs job is to help you thrive and be happy and all of those other things but your, your body isn't survival.

So just kind of shifting that perspective of kind of welcoming those symptoms and trusting that they have a purpose. And your job is to really meet them halfway and see how you can support them. Go drink that water, heat stroke, you know, like how can I support my body as it moves through this.

I think it is really important with symptoms is a felt sense of safety. If we are in a state where we have symptoms coming up, and it's triggering danger cues in our body that's triggering fight or flight or shut down or panic or anything like that, then we are not in a space where our body can heal or take care of itself. So, safety and learning how to shift your body into a sense of safety is one of the most important things for things like that because it just really amplifies everything when you're feeling unsafe in your body. So that's one of those really core things that I find a lot of people with chronic illness really struggle with, because a lot of their symptoms are rooted in that sense of danger or lack of safety. So oftentimes, I really recommend people get to know their nervous systems, get to know, regulating, get to know, even just the very simple task of orienting to their environment of noticing what's around them.

And oftentimes, it's hard, really hard to notice what's happening inside of you if you're in that state, because you, you really protected yourself by disconnecting from the body, which I think a lot of people have done over the years. We're really taught to do that even just as kids you know, to ignore body cues, you know, can't go to the bathroom till lunchtime. You can't, you know, all of those things that we learn as we're kids kind of get ingrained in us. and I think a lot of adults today are very shut off from their bodies not not not on purpose, but for a sense of safety that knowing what's happening inside. Sometimes it's too dangerous for us. so that's the other element that I think is important.

[20:55] VL: I'm glad you said it's rooted in safety, because safety is such a foundational part of our lives and our beings and ourselves and our bodies and that feeling.

I was on a road trip recently where I was by myself and in a very different place. And I love traveling and I love solo traveling and I know that when I am traveling by myself, I am in a heightened state of awareness of my surroundings in my environment. So yeah, so it's really interesting, coming home and being in a new place and how I respond to things and how I'm alert to things and where my guard is put down. And I noticed that as soon as I get to the destination from that transit, right, if I know that I'm safe, I feel like I crash and I have the best sleep ever because I just use so much energy into staying awake or alert or aware whatever it is I need to do. And the other thing I noticed, especially with this recent road trip I went on was that I had to go to the bathroom.

But there was not a bathroom nearby and so I'm like, I'm not gonna pull over on the side of the road in the middle of a cornfield in Ohio because that's not safe.

So I you know, was putting in like rest stops the GPS knows like, okay, like we can do this 20 minutes like we're gonna get there it's gonna be fine and it's interesting because I've never really been on a road trip like this by myself so I'm I'm learning as I'm going but I definitely recognized as one of the things was like a really need to make sure that I have a rest stop or going to the bathroom before I'm leaving someplace or whatever that is because my stomach hurt so much like my lower abdomen was on so much pain even after I went to the bathroom, and I was like, yeah, no, I don't know how people hold their pee all day. Like I really don't know how people do that. so uncomfortable stuff which paid And I kinda said to my body was like, look, let's listen, we're not going to do that again. Okay, we're gonna go to the bathroom the moment we get awkward.

but yeah, that just reminded me of that. And again, like rooted in safety, safety. is that foundation safety are those roots and it's like, as soon as you can get to those points as soon as you can build that foundation. there's so much more opportunity for growth or our healing or our relationship to build or that neutralizing of our energy. If you could say like that, I guess.

[23:41] PJ: Yeah, totally.

And I liked that you use that example? Because I think that that's a really good example of suppressing those needs in a safety or danger driven situation, not danger. Obviously you are okay. But that sense of safety wasn't there and so, things were kind of suppressed and we were kind of ignoring what was happening in the body. And I think that even just noticing that for yourself is really cool because you can see what safety feels like versus not so much that you feel a sense of safety. And I know what came to mind for me was people who will go on vacation and get sick, those I don't know if you know anyone like that, where like every time they go on vacation, they get sick like a coal or they're the ones you know, they're the ones who get food poisoning. They're the ones that get whatever issue that people get in that place.

Those Mexico trips that's always what it makes me think of.

But I always find that really interesting, and I didn't really understand it before like, before I understood this concept of the body expressing symptoms and the body, feeling safe and all of that stuff is that I think a lot of times the people who experienced that are the ones who are living their day to day life in a very stressed fight or flight shutdown way where they're just kind of trying to get to the next day. They're working too hard. They're running themselves to the cloud. And then they go on vacation and they finally let go and the body feels safe enough to allow things to come up. And that can be really challenging, especially when you're healing chronic symptoms, because sometimes it's when you reach that safety point that your body is like, okay, great. We can let all of this out. And that can be intense. And I know for me I had a really challenging last year and a half because my partner got a concussion. So we were dealing with a lot of really challenging stuff there. And so I was on fighter flight. I'm in management mode. I have to be okay because my partner is not. I have to manage everything. And sure enough, when that ended when he went back to work this summer, I felt my entire body just be like Oh, okay!

And it just shut down like, and I thought I was okay. I mean I did a lot of really good work for myself. Through the year to make sure that I was supported and did my best. But at the end of the day stress is stress and you can only do so much for it. So that was really interesting for me, but I kind of felt like that person who goes on holidays and, you know, crashes because I was like, Oh, we're out. We're out. We're out of it. We're into the good part of life like he's back at work, everything's good. And then my body just shut down. And it was great. We're done. 

[26:43] VL: It's really cool to notice those kinds of dynamics of what safety feels like. And that's such a huge example. I think about this all the time. Not just going on vacation one but what you said about the dynamics in your partnership because my grandmother for a long time for like my whole life. My grandfather was really sick. And it was one of those things where I was like you have a few years to live which turned into 10 years of his life which was amazing. That we got to have my grandpa around and spending that time with him for that much longer than everyone thought. But during those 10 years, my grandmother was taking care of him every second of every day, and the moment or not the moment but days after my grandfather passed away. My grandmother started shutting down healthwise. And she was diagnosed with diabetes. And then eventually, like later on, she had a quadruple bypass surgery and it's like all of these things that seemed to have come on. All of the sudden had happened right after she didn't have to take care of someone else anymore. And that's something that I'm, I mean, in a way that I'm grateful to have experienced and been able to observe as an 18 year old who was like, Whoa, what's going on here? I'm noticing this, but I've also noticed it again, in situations where people retire, and they don't work anymore. And through this transition of like, well, now what do I do? Now? Who am I and that's like this identity almost, and I don't know and maybe you can explain this. like, I don't know if the retirement part is safety… but maybe like, maybe it's more of like they've reached a goal, they've attained a goal and then all of the sudden the goal is done so they don't have that next goal or that next chapter or they don't know what it is like, you know what I'm saying?

PJ: Totally. I think there's a lot of layers to all of it and it totally depends on the person and what's happening for them. But like in homeopathy, we always are looking at kind of the causations and and shocking life changes or events. That mean anything in our environment is something that our body has to respond to right. The smoothie that you're drinking, your body is having to respond to it's having to say okay, what is this? What do we do with it? How do we move it through? How do we process it? Is this good? Is it bad yada yada?

And life events are just the same as that and I think that we, you know, we don't necessarily give them as much attention, but something like retirement even if you're planning for it, even if you have, you know, looked forward to it for the last 20 years, even you know, whatever the circumstances that's still a huge shock to the system. You're changing one of the most major parts of your life. For the most part, most people the biggest part of their life is their job. And so all of a sudden, that's gone. And it's a stressor, that shift is a stressor, just like my partner going back to work where I thought this is going to be the best thing ever. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Oh, I'm a puddle of wash. I don't know what to do with myself. positive experiences carry grief. positive experiences are stressful, positive experiences are something your body has to transition to and get used to.

Someone came to mind when you're talking about the retirement thing. And I think that for some people, their jobs have them kind of in a state of suppression, a state of kind of shutting down certain parts of themselves.

And also when they retire, all of a sudden that stuff has to kind of be phased. So I mean, there could be two ways that it goes. It could be a job that maybe wasn't great for you. And there's stuff that needs to be dealt with around that. And you can't safely deal with it while you're in the job because you need the job to survive. So then when that job goes away, the body says okay, now we can talk about the trauma of that terrible boss you had or now we can talk about how stressful it was. We can recover from the long hours we can do all this. The other side of things I think is kind of that positive grief. It's a job that you really love. it was a lot of your identity. And now that it's gone Who am I like we see that with people healing from chronic illness to a lot of people get really stuck in chronic illness because it's become their identity and letting go of it means letting go of online forums, friends who have that illness , the secondary gains, right the things that we get because we have those symptoms. So I think that there's a lot of different things that come into play there. But any change brings a force of your body needing to adapt and say, Okay, let's do inventory. What's going on?

[31:49] VL: Oh my goodness, you're so right. That's so incredible to even just scratch the surface of I know that people are going to be listening and thinking like, oh, I have a very individual very specific need and question so where can people find you and follow you and not only support your business but also support their own health? And is it called homeostasis? Like, what do I call it? 

PJ: Yeah, homeostasis. 

VL: Okay. Got it. So yeah, where can they connect with you to learn more and to work with?

PJ: Yeah, for sure. I like to use the word homeostasis because that's, I think that's a good word to remember that. We're not seeking perfection of health. We're seeking the ability to ebb and flow through the changes and through everything. So I'm glad you brought that up.

WEBSITE | http://www.paulajeffrey.com 

IG | @healingwithpaula www.instagram.com/healingwithpaula 

VL: Thank you. That's awesome.

Before we get into the final segment of the show, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share before we go into our rapid fire round.

PJ: It's probably been said but I think it's just a good reminder that your body is so much wiser. Many people have given credit to and it knows exactly what it's doing. That's always something that I have gone through my brain. Every day it's just my body knows exactly what it's doing and that's, that's really cool.

RAPID FIRE ROUND

What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

PJ: Currently reading Homeopathy for Today’s World: Discovering Your Animal, Mineral or Plant Nature by Dr. Rajan Sankaran

What does “empowerment” mean to you?

PJ: Ooh Empowerment is…an energy supporting your body and self to do what it needs to do and have the capacity to do what it needs to do.

What is your longest standing habit?

PJ: Oh, that's tough. I have a non consistent manifesting generators so those things change a lot. That's a really good question. I feel like my longest standing habit is probably loving homeopathy. I have been doing that since I was 13. so that's probably it.

What are you currently working toward?

PJ: The first word that came into my mind was stability. So I think I'm working towards stability this season.

[37:00] VL: Thank you so much for being part of the podcast. This has been a very interesting conversation that I feel like we could talk about for a lot longer. And I know that I'm going to be continuing these conversations with you and your social media. And I hope that the listener who is feeling called or connected to you also reaches out to work with you as well as to find different ways to support their own body and honestly, you have been such a the right word like your posts are very interesting and insightful and educational. And I've really looked to them, one for inspiration, but also as a bit of a resource tool for me because I honestly and still don't really know a lot about homeopathy, which I learned how to save properly today.

So I'm really excited to continue learning from you and yeah, I just think the world is really lucky to have you in it, and the things that you do in a couple you support I know, feel the same way. So again I'm just very grateful for you are here today. Thank you. 

PJ: Thank you so much for having me. This is a lot more fun, and I could say all those things back to you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E209: These 3 Systems Will Help You Better Manage Holiday Stress

With the hustle and bustle of the holidays approaching, it’s easy to get swept up or turned around from our regular routines. Now is the best time to anchor into these three systems to help you better manage your busy-season stress…

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[00:44] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. I run a 21 day healthy habit challenge called Elevate Your Life about 3 or 4 times a year and I wanted to share a story with you about one of my Healthy Habit Members at the start of our most recent challenge.

P.S. Our next challenge is coming up in a few months, and the waitlist is where you’ll be the first to hear about it! You can join the waitlist at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

So this is a story about our community member Rae. Rae is a working mom, with two young children. Around the time that we were starting our Elevate Your Life challenge, also happened to be one of Rae’s busiest work seasons, and her husband was also away from home during the challenge. 

Now I hear from a lot of people different reasons for why they can’t participate this time around: 

• “I have a lot on my plate right now”

• “The timing isn’t right for me”

• “I’m focusing my energy on something else”

And my response is the same, “No problem, when you’re ready to show up for yourself and your healthy habits, you know where to find our next challenge.” (Which remember is www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge) 

So anyway, back to Rae. Rae sends me a lovely note explaining her incredibly busy situation with work, and her home, and family. But Rae doesn’t say these are the reasons why she cannot do the challenge… no, no!

Instead Rae says, “Val this challenge has come at the perfect time! This challenge is exactly what I need in my busiest season! I know that my habits will help me get through this.”

And if there is ONE THING you take away from this week’s podcast episode, let it be that. 

Rae is amazing, and if you want to hear more from her and about her story, you can check out the show notes page for this week’s episode where you will also find more content Rae has shared including a conversation with her and I on how she built some really incredible habits. 

THE SHOW NOTES ARE AVAILABLE AT WWW.VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/209 

Episode 185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae

www.valerielavignelife.com/185 

[03:32] Part One: Foundational Habits

Now some people see the Elevate Your Life 21 day challenge and think, “Oh! I’m going to wake up two hours earlier and workout, meditate, and make a healthy breakfast, and read, and etc. etc.” 

They want to add all these really amazing, and also sometimes elaborate habits into their lives, which is very attractive, but not very easy to do. 

However, our past challenge members will tell you to keep things simple. Some of the most successful challengers have small and mighty habits like: drinking water, getting 8-10k steps a day, going to bed by a certain time, meditating, and daily movement. 

These types of habits are what I like to call “Foundational Habits” and are the first of our three systems that will help you better manage the stress from the holidays or busy season.

Foundational habits are the absolute most basic and important habits for your life. They’re the things we do so often, and yet when life gets busy, they are also so easily forgotten or overlooked! 

These habits are small, seemingly insignificant and they keep our energy sustainable. They are the key to balancing “busy” and healthy.

The worst mistake we can make when life gets busy is setting aside our foundational habits. It’s important that we FOCUS on them in these times more than ever!

There are many types of habits that would be considered “foundational” and perhaps you can think of a few that are most meaningful to you.

Here are some common foundational habits

• Nutrition

• Hydration

• Rest, Sleep

• Movement, Exercise

• Getting out into Nature

• Making the Bed

• Gratitude

• Meditation, Prayer

If I missed any of your foundational habits, I’d love to hear about them! Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and let’s connect!

www.instagram.com/vallavignelife

When we’re in a busy season, we have to remember that We can do ANYTHING, just not EVERYTHING. It’s not about doing it all. It’s about being intentional. 

Which of your daily habits, routines, and rituals make you come alive? Which ones support you the most physically, mentally, and emotionally?

The foundational habits that have supported me the most are

#1 REST: Sleep is where our body and mind rejuvenate. The quality of our sleep affects our readiness for the day. I notice that when I prioritize sleep, I am capable of getting more done with more energy and stamina. (Bonus: I make my bed every morning.)

#2 NUTRITION: Food is fuel for our bodies and our brains. When I eat breakfast, drink lots of water, and make healthy meal choices, I notice that I am also more likely to make other healthier choices throughout the day and I feel better overall inside and out!

#3 EXERCISE: For me, working out supports my physical and mental health. If I can't get to the gym, I find a way to move my body, (I usually walk) and always feel better and more motivated afterwards. 

I suggest focusing on 3 habits during your busy season and really prioritizing these. You would be amazed at how prioritizing rest works wonders on your whole system when you actually stick to it.

If you want to build better foundational habits, I have a free workbook for you! This is your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter. The habits that will walk you home to yourself and replenish the sustainable energy you need to show up as the best version of you in any season of life!

You can access the free Build Better Habits workbook at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits 

[08:30] Part Two: Non-Negotiable Routines

Our second system for better managing our holiday stress are what I call “Non-Negotiable Routines”

Non-negotiable means “not open to discussion or modification.”

Your daily non-negotiables are routine behaviours or tasks that you simply will not compromise on. They are the things you make time for no matter what.

Here’s the deal: We prioritize what we value in life.

When you think of your own priorities, where is your health and wellness, where do you fall on this list? If it helps you can write them out in your notebook or on paper to help you see the visual representation of them.

Even if you’ve written out your priorities and your health, wellness, self, and values are on there, what small actions are you taking to honour these?

If and when you do prioritize your needs, and yourself, what do you notice about your energy, your community and your relationships?

I will share that for myself, when I prioritize my sleep I am a much nicer and better person the next day. I am energetic, patient, motivated, creative, compassionate. You name it! When I am rested, I show up for others. 

Let’s circle back to our foundational habits. What routines can we implement that help us prioritize these three habits.

Examples:

Rest: Going to bed at a specific time every night. If there is an event that runs later, is it possible to leave at a pre-set time, or perhaps sleep in the next morning. If not, how can I prioritize rest the day of or after this event? Maybe it’s giving myself permission to take a nap, or relaxing on the couch for an hour, or booking a massage, or getting a babysitter, or something like that.

Nutrition: Cooking meals at home and meal prepping every week. Between events, deadlines, and dinners, there is less time for cooking every meal at home. For the days that are busy, can I prepare more in advance? Can I ask for help? Can I order more meals from Hello Fresh that week? Can I make a protein smoothie on the go? Can I focus on getting the right amount of water and stay hydrated? Outline your options in advance to be more prepared. 

Exercise: Daily movement, at the gym or outdoor walks. How can I better prioritize my workout routines? Scheduling them into your calendar and not changing the appointment. Asking friends to join you for a hike or walk or pilates class and then grabbing a drink or exchanging gifts. At the end of the day if there was no workout or walk, can I do some form of movement before bed? Stretching? Peloton? What other options do I have?

[12:40] Part Three: Boundaries

Our third and final system will help us pull this all together. This strategy is all about BOUNDARIES.

Without boundaries our non-negotiables are negotiable. Without boundaries our foundational habits are forgotten.

The key to boundaries is to keep things simple. I know it sounds really basic, but it’s what we need most.

There will always be seasons which can bring on feelings of stress or overwhelm, and our foundational habits keep us grounded. They bring us back to the most fundamental of our needs.

And during these busy seasons we can feel pulled in every direction, so having basic boundaries that keep us on track with foundational habits and non-negotiable routines really allow us to center and ground and stay healthy/true to ourselves. 

I know for some of us it can be really difficult to say “No.” But if it’s for something we really don’t want to do, we just end up stressing about it, or overthinking it, and are we even going to do a good job if we didn’t want to do it in the first place? Are we really going to show up as our best selves? If we say no (and we can do it politely), we’re honouring our boundaries, and the task or item will be passed onto someone else, hopefully that is someone who wants to do it.

Here are some polite ways to honour your boundaries:

• Thank you so much for thinking of me for this (task). At this time I have a lot on my plate and will not be able to complete this to my best ability. (Then if you have someone else in mind you could suggest them or a different solution).

• I appreciate your invitation to (the event), and have made other commitments at this day and time. I wish you the best success and know it will be so much fun! (Happy holidays).

Short, simple, polite, grateful, well wishes. You’ve got this.

And before we wrap this up, I do want to mention that things come up and plans change and sometimes we’ve got to blur the boundary lines a bit. 

Here’s the deal: YOU decide what that means for you, and YOU get to make the choice of what is most important to you, guilt free! 

There might be nights where you’re having such a great time so you stay out a little later. Or maybe you missed a workout. Breathe. You’re okay. Get back into it the next day. 

If there is one simple boundary you can set today, let it be that you take a few minutes every day to check in with yourself to feel into what you really need that day. This is grounding, and honouring yourself. This is prioritizing your wellness.

You’ve got this!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E208: New Moon, New Beginnings (The Revival)

New moons mark the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. With a new moon there is a sense of restart, refresh, turning over a new leaf, and intention setting. Whether you’re listening to this episode the day it comes out, or around the time of a different new moon, my intention is that it sparks inventive ways for you to grow!

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[00:52] Well hello there, and happy NEW MOON! Today’s new moon is in the adventurous, wise, aspiring, excessive, extravagant sign of SAGITTARIUS! 

That means that we can access the traits and themes of Sagittarius during this moon. If you’re listening to this episode during a different new moon, you can google what sign your new moon is in, and those will be the themes of this timing for you!

If you’re new to the show, welcome! And also, disclaimer, this is not an astrology podcast BUT I do love and am very interested in astrology and I follow the planets, especially the moon, every week. It’s more of an interest and hobby of mine that I sometimes take a step further. 

By that I mean I’ll host a workshop or a gathering around certain powerful transits or moon phases, or I’ll begin new projects around new moons. In fact, this very podcast was launched on a new moon in Scorpio four years ago.

YEP! Episode one of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast started as a live show on Instagram and Facebook. I took the audio of the videos I recorded live, and I added some intro and outro music and made them podcast episodes.

And let me rewind a little more, before there was a podcast, there was a blog called the Women’s Empowerment Blog. Blogs were fading out a bit and I wanted the content to reach more people, so I transitioned the blog to a weekly podcast and video series!

You can still watch the very first episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast on Youtube (fair warning the quality isn’t great).

[02:50]I thought it ceremonious to go back and revisit the intentions that I set for the podcast by rewatching the very first episode. 

I thought it would be more cringe than it was. I’m actually really proud of this past version of myself. I remember her so well, and while I was watching I wanted to give her a really big hug and share so much pride and joy with her. 

Even though I was nervous then, I did a really great job. I was clear and concise. I’m truly grateful that this version of me was brave enough to take this leap and it’s inspiring me to take more leaps with the podcast as it continues to grow!

Speaking of growth… The podcast’s organic downloads are sitting JUST below 90,000 downloads! This is insane for me. I cannot believe it! Past Valerie wouldn’t believe it either hahaha

So excited and so very grateful, thank you so much! Your downloads, sharing with friends, writing reviews – they are HUGE ways to support the show for free and they mean the world to me!

If you feel called to leave a review, please do so on Apple Podcasts.

When I started this podcast I was worried about staying consistent and keeping up with the content. Taking this big leap for myself and my business meant developing new systems, routines, and habits to keep me on track with the show. 

Over the years I’ve really discovered and experienced the incredible power of positive habits, and I attribute my growth and success with these systems and rituals. 

If you’re looking for growth and success in your own life and business – and if you’re listening to this episode than I know that you are – then you’ll want to grab my free Build Better Habits Guide to bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you.

Grab your guide at http://valerielavignelife.com/habits !

[05:12] Alright let’s talk about the goodness of the magic of the moon! There are eight major moon cycles, and we work with each part of the cycle a little differently. The moon completes a full cycle every 28-30ish days.

NEW MOON

The first part of the moon phase is all about intention setting, and new beginnings. During this phase of the moon, there is no moonlight in the sky, so the stars are the brightest.

This moon connects to the energy of winter with qualities of darkness and coolness. In this phase we’re most connected to the dream realm and called to go inward. We might feel more intuitive or possibly psychic during this moon phase. 

You might feel less social during this time, and instead you want to stay home and envision the life you are creating, or intentions you want to set.

This is a time of reflection, time to ground our bodies, and calm our minds to make us better at deciding which seeds of intention we would like to plant for the month ahead.

With today being the new moon, consider how you can take some time to slow down, be still, and connect deeply with yourself and your intuition. I’m going to share a new moon ritual with you later in this episode. 

[06:44] WAXING CRESCENT

The second phase in our moon cycle is the Waxing Crescent Moon. In this phase, we continue with the energy of winter, and we start to see a little more moonlight in the sky. We also continue to connect to our intention and what this intention truly means for us.

We imagine what the intention is, why this intention is important, and how it might manifest and take shape. Although we don’t always know the how of our manifesting and goal-setting journey, we can dream up possibilities while leaving room for magic and surprises to unfold.

[07:20] FIRST QUARTER

Next we have the First Quarter Moon. This is still part of the waxing phase, meaning more moonlight illuminating the night sky in this phase. 

Now we move into the “spring” season/energy and we can start to take action toward our manifestation. This phase, as well as springtime, is associated with a time of expansion. We can focus on strength, regeneration, resiliency, structure and stability. 

This phase invites us to replenish our immunity, vitality, and sensuality. 

[08:16] WAXING GIBBOUS

The fourth moon phase is called the Waxing Gibbous Moon. This is a time to truly trust in the intention and also in the process. We can allow ourselves to open up to the potency of the waxing phase and start to come alive.

With this awakening we may feel moved, inspired, motivated to take actions toward our intentions and manifestations.

All the while grounding ourselves through our supportive routines, nourishing self-care, and revitalization of our being.

You feel this energy building between the new and full moon phases, just as the moon begins to fill, the energy also increases.

[09:00] FULL MOON

The fifth phase of our moon cycle is the famous Full Moon. Most people know or have heard about the full moon, and can spot it when they see it in the sky! During this phase our intention is manifesting OR our intention is releasing. If it’s the latter, we must accept that this may not be the right time for this, and something better may be coming!

The essence of the full moon resonates most with the summer season. This is a time of transformation, courage, inspired passion, and willpower. 

The moon is at its brightest and we may feel charismatic, mentally clear and sharp, and excited to socialize with the world around us. Take the time to interact with the world around you, using your outward expression, and RSVP to invitations and gatherings. Indulge in life’s blessings, connections, and relationships.

With this surge of energy we can feel activated to take action, or make great leaps.We are energized to move. Take the time to be present in your body and your movements will lead you to inspired action; the right action best suited to make your dreams realities. 

[10:25] WANING GIBBOUS

Our sixth moon phase is the Waning Gibbous moon. As we enter the waning phase, we enter into the essence or energy of fall/autumn. Here we can focus on gratitude for our intention. Just like the time of harvest, and how the leaves begin to fall from the trees, we collect our intentions, our abundance, our gifts, and watch as the moonlight fades. 

We begin our ritual of unwinding and reflecting by giving thanks to what was given to us, what we needed to fuel and nourish ourselves.

[11:10] THIRD QUARTER

We continue the waning phase with the Third Quarter Moon. This is where we’re releasing what we no longer need and giving back from a place of abundance.

Since the fall season is a time for us to surrender and let go, we can use this to prepare for our next New Moon phase.

Our worlds and ourselves are ever-changing, evolving, transforming. With new things coming in, we have to let go of the past, or what no longer serves us. This is the work and magic of this waning phase: to show us what we no longer need and help us to release it.

This might bring up emotions, and with patience and kindness we can create space energetically and emotionally to flow through these feelings.

It’s time to let go of expectations or anything we’re gripping onto, making space to invite the new, and call in what we need.

[12:12] WANING CRESCENT

Our last phase is the final part of our waning cycle: the Waning Crescent Moon. With just a sliver of the moon left in the sky, it’s time for us to rest, reflect, and restore before the next cycle. 

Circling back to gratitude and welcoming new possibilities and opportunities into our lives. Remember that what we are grateful for, we attract more of!

This is the final part of the detoxification of the waning phase of the moon, potentially uncomfortable, yet necessary for the growth and expansion we wish to call in. You can begin to think of your new intentions for the next 28-day lunar phase, this time having learned and discovered more.

[12:00] NEW MOON RITUAL

You can practice this new moon ritual on or around the day of the new moon.

You will need: 

• Your new moon altars. (depending on which new moon you are in, look for flowers, stones, herbs, incense, foods, and/or symbols that represent the sign the moon is in – google can help you!)

• A candle or incense

• A glass of water that you will drink

To prepare for this ritual, cleanse your body with a mindful new moon bath or shower. If you are short on time, you can wash your hands and brush your teeth instead.

Next, tidy up your ritual space and mindfully set up your altar with the highest good/intention in mind. This process is not to be rushed, but enjoyed.

Once your altar is prepared, light your candle and incense. Sit in front of the altar and take a few mindful breaths, practice breath-work (I recommend Nadi Shodhana aka Alternate Nostril Breathing for the Fall New Moon), or listen to a guided meditation.

Get clear on an intention (or a few) that you have for the next one, six months, and/or twelve months (one month for a lunar cycle, six months for the next Full Moon in the same sign as this new moon, and twelve months of a complete lunar cycle of the same sign).

• What seeds are you planting?

• How do you want to show up for this intention?

• What are you committed to bringing to this goal?

You can then turn your intention into an affirmation or “I AM” statement. Keep this positive and in the present tense. It doesn’t have to start with “I am” but if affirmations are new to you, this is a great starting point.

Once you have your affirmation, hold your glass of water and speak your intention into the water three times. 

Drink the water knowing that you are absorbing the message.

When you feel ready, blow out your candle. The ritual is now complete.

As the days go by, notice and track any experiences, feelings, or thoughts that come up that are related to your intention. You can continue to speak your affirmation into the water you are drinking throughout the month. 

[16:10] NEW MOON JOURNAL PROMPTS

As part of your ritual you can also do some journaling. I have this lovely book called Moon Bath that has the most luxurious bath rituals and recipes for different moon phases. 

These journal prompts are from that book for the New Moon in the Fall Season. We’re technically nearing the end of fall when this podcast launches.

Courtesy of “Moon Bath” Book

What was the intention or goal I set for myself this year?

What benefits am I now enjoying from this intention or goal?

What can I do to maintain my energy while my ideas come to life?

What kind of support do I need from my community to sustain my momentum?

I want to make one small and final note about new moons and rituals around new moons. If the new – or full moon for that matter – is during an eclipse, it’s best to avoid any rituals during these times. Usually during eclipses we want to relax, lay low, and let the planets do their thing. Maybe we brace ourselves for hiccups or unexpected emotions or changes. Again, a quick google search or a chat with your local astrologer can help you figure out what moon you’re in and what tools might be most helpful for your current moon phase!

If you feel called to share your new moon rituals and practices with me, please tag me @vallavignelife on instagram. I would LOVE to see what you’ve created and how you are channeling this abundant energy!

Many new moon blessings to you!!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E207: The 7 Strategies that Create More Space in Your Day

I felt like I got smacked in the face when it was all of the sudden Q4 and through review and reflection I realized my goals weren’t being met, my to do lists were only getting longer, and I had less and less time in my calendar. Feelings of guilt, confusion, and inadequacy were bubbling up and I knew a change had to be made…

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[00:52] If you’ve felt overwhelmed, inadequate, confused, or guilty, then this episode is for you. Each week for the past couple months I’ve been prying things off my schedule and calendar. 

At first I was checking things off my to do list, then I started letting things go completely. “Is this something that has to get done by me?” I would ask, and if the answer was no, I would delegate or eliminate it all together. 

I’ve been so caught up in what I should be doing that I don’t even feel like I’m moving the needle on anything that’s important to me. 

How am I so exhausted at the end of the day, and yet my goals aren’t being achieved? How am I putting in so much energy and effort and results aren’t surfacing? 

A noisy and nagging voice in my head kept shouting: do more, work harder, push further, be better, and I tried! To no surprise this strategy led me to feeling burnt-the-F-out. 

Being the problem solver I am, I decided to switch gears: Instead of prioritizing energy and productivity, I started prioritizing rest and stress management. On a day-to-day scale this looked like:

1. Measuring new daily habits:

Through apps on my phone I track: my water intake and meditation practice

Using my OURA ring I am able to track detailed information on my: readiness and sleep

I manually track: no screen time for 1 hour from wake up and reading (usually before bed)

1. Purchasing my new “Achieve Planner” and writing out 1-3 tasks per day maximum has been really helpful and eye opening!

The planner helps me set monthly, weekly and daily goals. It includes a weekly habit tracker and also asks me to reflect on “what was great about today?” and “what could have made today better?” This daily reflection is something I’ve never really practiced before - not in this way - and it’s incredibly insightful as to what is working in my day and what isn’t. I’m already starting to notice patterns and I’m making little tweaks that are more supportive.

1. Boundaries around my calendar/schedule

If I notice that there is a lot going on in my calendar in a day, I see if I can move things over to another day. I’m not scheduling multiple calls or appointments in a day, and if I have to, I block off time on that day, or the very next day to recover/recharge. I also block days off… even if it’s the weekend. As a business owner, it’s really easy to work all the time, so I have to be strict with these boundaries, especially with myself. 

1. I don’t do laundry or house chores on my days off

I actually started this maybe a year ago, although now I’m more consistent with it. Even if the laundry pile is out of control, I only do laundry on days that I work. At first I thought it wasn’t a great idea, and then I tested it for myself. Who on earth wants to do chores on their days off? I certainly don’t! 

[04:40] I’ve been experimenting with this for approximately six weeks, and what I’ve truly been recognizing is the importance of tuning into my needs, of connecting with myself, of going inwards before moving forward.

I’ve started to trust my gut instincts more, and plan my days with intuition whenever I can. I ask my body what it needs rather than assuming or forcing, and this has manifested in such beautiful ways!

Some days my body wants to nap, or read a little more. Sometimes I have energy to spend time alone in nature walking, hiking, or riding my bike! I’ve had some powerful meditation sessions where I want to write my visions, or sit a little while longer. 

So many wonderful downloads and experiences have come up in the last six weeks. And most recently, I’ve been feeling so much more creative, which I had been struggling with a lot. 

I really believe that this lack of creativity, motivation, and energy was a result of getting caught up in the busyness and hectic day-to-day life that our society praise’s. 

And listen, there is no doubt that we’ve got a lot going on in our lives, but our calendars, lives, and minds don’t have to be so full that we’re not bringing in newness and inspiration and joy!

Let’s create space for us to thrive through these 7 strategies

[06:27] #1: Put it On Paper

I cannot emphasize enough how powerful my physical planner has been for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely a digital-lover. My calendar is digital, I have hundreds of notes in my notes app, I produce my podcast and all my documents are all digital. 

But there is something special about writing things down on paper. There’s actually evidence and research to support that writing things down on paper is the key to effectiveness because it helps you free up your mind and better organize your thoughts. 

It becomes a visual representation of all the things you’ve got going on in your life and allows you to let go of the mental heaviness of incomplete tasks, commitments, appointments, etc. 

[07:38] #2: Complete a Time Audit

There were two insights that really stood out to me when I started using my new physical planner. The first one was that Thursday afternoons were when I felt most exhausted and needed to take a break. Even if I didn’t schedule it in, my body was going to take it anyway.

The second insight was that I wasn’t spending my time each day how I thought I was and my 1-3 tasks a day were not getting done because of it.

This pattern of ending the day or week with incomplete tasks urged me to reevaluate my time. If I wasn’t completing my simple tasks, what was I doing with that time? Where was that energy going?

So I decided to record how I spend each 30-60 minutes of the day. It’s AMAZING what you discover when you write down how you spend each hour of your day. You really start to notice the holes and leaks in your time, and where or why you’re losing focus. 

Within a few days of this audit I realized what my common distractions were, and noted that the tasks I was writing down didn’t have the space they needed in my calendar to actually get done and I was really only half completing them. 

[09:25] #3 Clarify Your Goals

What is the purpose of creating more space in your life? Why do you want to feel spacious? Answering these questions honestly will help you find the clarity in your unique process as well as outline your next steps.

For myself, I wanted more time for the things that brought me joy, for new experiences, for travel, and play! I wanted to feel creative again and excited about sharing my ideas.

Here are a couple more questions to ask yourself to help you gain clarity: If you had more time in a day, what would you do with that time? What goals do you want to achieve in your life, and what action steps can you take to achieve those?

Knowing your values and what’s most important to you, will help you with our fourth strategy:

[10:47] #4 Eliminate and/or Delegate

You’ve been collecting information and in motion through the process, but now it’s time to take action. Use the information you’ve recorded and identify the habits, routines, people, tasks, etc. that aren’t in alignment with your desired schedule, mind or life. 

Can you eliminate it? If yes, do that. If no: Can you delegate it? If yes, do that. If no: the item must be done by you only, and sometimes that is the reality, which is fine, however is there a way for us to make this more enjoyable?

Can we create a ritual for this task that involves something else we love, or perhaps we do something satisfying before the unsatisfying task?

I understand that we don’t always have complete control over every aspect of our lives, but we do have control over how we respond to the events in our lives. 

For myself, I could have chosen to stay frustrated and wallow in the feelings of “I’m not enough” but instead I decided to pause, reevaluate, and move forward with more mindfulness. I shifted priorities and focusing on my sleep and stress management actually gave me the energy and productivity I was searching for BEFORE I adjusted my focus. 

However it took a little “slap in the face” for me to wake-up to my reality. Hopefully you’re listening to this before an uncomfortable wake-up call!

[12:35] #5 Create Your Plan of Action

You have your goals, and the action steps to get there. You’ve created space for what’s important by removing what isn’t. 

Now, what must you schedule to achieve your goals? What tiny actions or routines will help you move the needle forward? Add these to your calendar/planner.

My big goal this week is to use the momentum of my recent creative downloads to build out the podcast episodes for the rest of this year and into January. That way I can be more present while I travel in December and January, and I can use my time to share the content versus constantly creating it. This opens up more space for more creative downloads!

[13:27] #6 Embrace White Space

Between your must-dos and action steps to get you to your goals are margins of time in your day called white space. They are nothing and everything. 

This “white space” is your dedicated time for mental pauses. Free periods of time to do whatever you absolutely want to do. 

Moments of self-care, mindfulness, presence, and/or wherever your intuition takes you. My tip is to not schedule anything in there at all and allow your energy to dictate where you want to go.

Today, my white space consisted of pulling some oracle cards, stretching my tight hips and hamstrings, and doing some throat and third eye chakra healing. I had no plans for these things earlier in the day. 

#7 [14:27] Lead and Move Forward with Intention

If you listened to last week’s podcast episode, you would have heard my story about how making my bed every morning changed my life. It got me out of my mild depression and anxiety and taught me about doing small things with intention, to make big changes. 

Episode 206: If You Want to Change the World… Start By Making Your Bed

The more we can be intentional with our other small actions, the better in alignment we are to our goals. This also honours our boundaries with feeling spacious, centred, and close to our values. 

Our final strategy to creating more space in our lives is to lead and move forward with intention because it’s an ongoing process, it’s maintenance. 

You can do this by blocking off time in your calendar to reflect on your progress and reevaluate your audits. In the beginning I was doing a version of this weekly, but now I will shift to monthly, and eventually quarterly. I find the beginning stages VERY CRUCIAL because we want to create a solid foundation to build from.

When new opportunities, projects, invitations arise, it’s important to anchor into our values and check in with ourselves first: does this align with my goals/values? Answering this before committing to something new.

It’s important that we’re not afraid to say “no.” when something doesn’t align. There are ways to do this politely, and in my experience people really appreciate the honesty and admire the boundaries that I have.

Give yourself guilt-free breaks. I promise you will gain more energy, more clarity, more creativity, more joy when you GIVE YOURSELF BREAKS. Breaks are not rewards. They are part of your growth, recovery, health, life, and thriving. 

Another huge part of creating space and making shifts to my energy has been gratitude – I have talked about this so many times in podcast episodes on their own. Gratitude is a gamechanger. Write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for every single day and watch how your life elevates.

What small practices and routines will you create to make and protect the space in your days?

[16:58] Let’s create these new routines and rituals together. We can start today! Right now!

If you want to build better habits, I have a free workbook for you! This is your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter. You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you. 

A month from now… you can either have a month of spaciousness and progress OR a month of excuses why you didn’t get started.

So if you want space progress, head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/habits and download the free guide. 

What practices and rituals are you creating to make more space in your days? Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife - I want to hear all about them!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E206: If You Want to Change the World... Start by Making Your Bed

“If you want to change the world… start by making your bed.” It’s a bold statement I read in Admiral William McRaven’s #1 New York Times Bestseller: Make Your Bed. But after years of repeating this daily practice, I stand by this quote wholeheartedly…

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[00:47] Growing up, my parents didn’t seem to care too much if the bed was made or not. It wasn’t something they put emphasis on. 

It actually wasn’t until my early twenties that I started making my bed! At the time, I didn’t realize it would change my life. 

I started this habit so long ago that the exact details are a bit foggy, but what I can tell you is that making my bed helped me mentally and emotionally when I was going through a really tough time with feelings of anxiety and depression. One of the main reasons - and I know this sounds a bit silly - was because once the bed was made, I didn’t want to get back in it, so I would have to start the day.

It was such a simple action to do, that it was worth trying out. The truth is, when you’re feeling down you lack motivation, desire, purpose, passion, and truly this was where I was at. I didn’t want to do much of anything. What I knew at the time was that I didn’t want to feel this way anymore, and making my bed was so effortless it was laughable - so I tried it out.

I also decided to measure and track this habit. Even though it didn’t seem like much at all, it quickly became an easy win to start the day!

Within a few weeks I began to notice its positive effect in my life. I recognized that I had achieved something: at the beginning of my day, I did something and I checked off a box and I had a win for the day. 

This actually started to set me up for multiple wins throughout the day. It gave me the motivation to take small actions, and to set myself up for more achievements.

The impact that this has made on my life has been so incredible in the long term, and I know that it sounds really simple to make you bed — because it is — but that’s the power of habit and doing something simple everyday. It leads you to a bigger transformation!

You might have heard of the book I mentioned in the intro of this episode: Make Your Bed by Admiral William H. McRaven (subtitle: little things that can change your life… and maybe the world)

Right away, the book starts off with: “If you want to change the world… start off by making your bed.”

I am a certified Health Coach that specializes in Healthy Habits. I help people making an impact prioritize their own health and wellness, without adding to their already busy schedule, so that they can feel great in their body and show up powerfully for the people depending on them.

Part of how I help people is by working with them to create their dream life through intentional healthy habits.

It’s the small, seemingly insignificant behaviours we do every single day - just like making our beds - that help shape our identity to becoming, and embodying leaders and change-makers!

Making your bed every morning is the one constant you can have in your day. No matter what else happens, your bed is made, and when you come back home, ready to rest your head, you’re reminded of your constant, of your achievement. 

You can be camping, traveling, house-sitting, wherever and still practice this habit. 

I always feel a sense of pride when I see the bed made. It’s not of the same standards as Admiral McRaven with hospital corners. I’ve never tried to bounce a quarter off of it, but it’s made and time/effort was taken to make it. 

Making the bed is a ritual to begin the day. And that trickles into other areas of our lives. How we do one thing is how we do everything.

In the book, Atomic Habits, Author James Clear writes: “The more you ritualize the beginning of a process, the more likely it becomes that you can slip into the state of deep focus that is required to do great things.”

That’s what making your bed is; a two minute ritual that leads you to another productive behaviour, and another small win, and another.

Overtime those impactful days, those small wins compound and you are doing great things! 

If making my bed every day could change my life; my attitude; my mental and emotional health… What else could be achieved through my tiny habits?

What intentions could we put into the small, seemingly insignificant behaviours that we are already doing every day to make a great impact?

[06:25] Here are some small habits many people perform every day:

• Showering

• Brushing teeth

• Putting clothes on/changing clothes

• Making/eating a meal

• Drinking (water)

• Unlocking/opening phones

• Answering emails/texts

• Daily skincare routines

• Sitting down to relax on the couch

And I’m sure there are a hundred other actions we could add to that list. At first glance, this list seems pretty basic. Lots of neutral habits, meaning they don’t add any value to our day, but we need to do them, and they also don’t take away from our life either.

So what if we treated these habits like we did making our bed? 

Instead of living our lives so automatically, we could shower with the intention of washing away the day before, or the staleness of sleep and start the day fresh.

We could dress in clothes that made us feel good in our bodies, our favourite items that elevated our sense of self worth.

We could take a few deep breaths before answering emails and transitioning to the next email.

Now, what if we sprinkled in a couple more 2 minute habits that did add value to our lives? Habits like:

• Reading a couple of pages of a personal development book a day

• Getting outside into nature for a short walk

• Encouraging our positive self talk

• Stretching while watching TV instead of sitting the whole time

• Meditating or taking a few minutes of mindfulness before bed

• Spending quality time connecting with our loved ones

• Moving our bodies

It's the small habits. How you spend your mornings. How you talk to yourself. What you read. What you eat. Who you share your energy with, that will change your life.

I mentioned that our habits compound. That includes our good and bad habits. When something compounds, it’s like a snowball: it keeps building/collecting/accumulating. 

Since the actions are so small, we don’t notice the changes right away, but one day we do. One day we see the transformation. This is why these small behaviours are so important. 

If our good habits are compounding, this is a positive change. If our bad habits are compounding, this is a negative change. And even though the transformation seems like it happened so quickly - it didn’t. So if we want to reverse the change, we have to do so with the opposite small habits and more time.

[09:23] When I’m working with my clients, and they come to the realization that where they are now is a result of negative small decisions and actions that they’ve made, sometimes they feel discouraged. And although I deeply understand this: I have been there! It’s important to remember that positive change and progress is possible. 

Together we can shift your small habits to make a big impact. 

In fact, we can start today! If you want to build better habits, I have a free workbook for you! This is your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter. You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you. 

A month from now… you can either have a month of progress OR a month of excuses why you didn’t start.

So if you want progress, head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/habits and download the free guide. 

Need a new habit to start incorporating? Start with making your bed.

Because I can tell you from my own experience that making your bed can change your life, and can possibly change your world.

For myself, some of the big transformations that happened weeks, months, and years after starting and continuing this habit were:

• Taking a solo trip backing packing through central america and mexico

• Starting the women’s empowerment blog, turned into women’s empowerment podcast

• It was creating a coaching business that helps other people create their own habits 

• I’ve been able to purchase a brick and mortar business, a goal I’ve had for YEARS!

• Meeting myself and creating that best version of me and becoming Her

• Connecting with like-minded people 

• It’s getting closer to my family

• Meeting an incredible partner

• Cultivating stronger friendships that I ever thought was possible, including some of my best friends all over the world.

And when I think back to the foggy details of when I started making my bed, I think back to that sad, unmotivated version of myself. I want to hold her and squeeze her and tell her, .”everything is going to be fine!”

And at that time I had no idea! But here I am, I’ve built a business around healthy habits – so clearly I’m very passionate about it!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator

Eliza is an International Integrative Psychotherapist. With Masters degrees in Integrative Health and Counseling Psychology, she combines her extensive knowledge in mind-body health, mindfulness, breathwork, and somatic psychology to support her clients back to whole-body wellbeing. Her private practice includes both 1:1 therapy and her signature 12-week online course Reconnect

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[01:00] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm very excited to introduce you to a brand new guest Eliza Butler, Eliza. Welcome to the show. It's so great to have you here. 

Eliza Butler: Thanks, Valerie. It's so good to be here with you.

VL: I love that we're connecting because I feel like we have a lot of interests in common and I know we both met through our group coaching. And whenever you like, share a book or podcast episode on your Instagram. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need to read that or Oh, I listened to that episode. It's so great. And it's kind of like, I don't know, it's just like really synchronistic the way that we've kind of weaved in and out of each other's social media and all those kinds of things like connected, virtually I guess this past year. But then also, I just love following you and learning from you because you are this incredible wealth of knowledge and your Tik Tok is amazing. your Instagram is amazing. Your you want is also amazing Like girl, you just, you're doing it.

[02:18] EB: A lot of cool things. Thank you. Yeah, it's taken me a long time to just allow myself to feel creative in these spaces and it's feeling really fun and aligned and I feel the exact same way about everything you put out. It's just so fun. to learn from you and grow from you and see all the amazing things that you're up to. So yeah, I'm really happy that our paths have crossed and that we're here now together.

VL: Thank you so much. And honestly I can tell that you've because since we met, I don't know almost a year ago. I can see your growth and like the comfort level in how you share and how you teach in this online space. So that's pretty cool to see that evolution. You are stepping into who you are now so yeah, it's awesome. But one of the things that you do really well is you are an incredible breathwork educator. And this is something that I'm really drawn to currently and in the past and I really want to dive into with you. So why don't you tell us a little bit about what breathwork is for someone who might be listening who doesn't know or maybe they've heard that word before, but they're not sure exactly how to describe it. What's breathwork? What do we need to know?

[03:38] EB: Oh, where do you even begin? It is such an amazing resource.

You know, I like to say that everything begins and ends with the breath, both life and just generally not to get too esoteric right off the bat.

But our breath really is our most abundant resource when it comes to our health and well being and it's often overlooked, right? Like we talk a ton in the wellness space. We talk a ton about nutrition and movement and embodiment and trauma, healing and all of these things. But really what I've found to be the most supportive in terms of helping us back into connection to self is through the breath. And so breath work is sort of this umbrella term. That just means any sort of intentional manipulation of the breath and there's tons of different types of breath work patterns. there's tons of different ways to do breath work for all different reasons. So it's really you know, number one is to figure out okay, what is my intention with the breath work? what am I hoping to support myself with through breathing, and then there's actually different techniques, different patterns, different breathing ways that you can utilize to support you with that intention.

So, for me specifically, you know, I am a psychotherapist and a counselor. So I'm really drawn to the mental health side of things, but I also have this background in integrative health. I was a health coach for years. So I recognize the importance of looking at your health, your mental health, specifically from a holistic standpoint. supporting your physical well being to support your mental well being etc, etc. And I found that breathwork is is one of the one easiest, and two, most accessible way to do that.

And so there's sort of two ways that I like to work with breath, which is, the first is the more sort of functional breathing, so making sure that you're breathing correctly, to support your health, even when you're not thinking about the breath. So, you know, we breathe upwards of 20,000 times per day, which is insane if you think about it, like, you know, we eat three to five times a day, we work out maybe once a day if we're lucky. but here is this thing, this breath that we're doing unconsciously and consciously throughout the day, that actually has huge impacts on our overall health and wellbeing So you know, the functional breathing side is really making sure you're breathing in a way that is supporting your health and well being, even when you're not thinking about the breath, because we can't be meditating for hours and hours a day as much as that would be lovely.

And so I support my people through that avenue and then the other avenue that I'll just quickly touch on is the more sort of breathwork journeying side of things which is really great for things like trauma, healing and emotional release and getting in touch with maybe stuck patterns and stuck energies in the body. That's more sort of the spiritual side of things and I work one on one and in groups with the breathwork journeying. But I found that the real like foundation is the importance of starting with this functional breathing side of things and making sure that people are breathing in a way that is not only supporting their mental, emotional, spiritual, physical well being, but also preventing any future illnesses or diseases, diseases or things that come up kind of along the way. So yeah, it's all about sort of emotional regulation, nervous system regulation.

And I feel like I'm kind of rambling because again, it's such a robust topic, and I just get so excited that we have this tool that so many of us just don't recognize its powers. So yeah.

[07:52:] VL: Oh my gosh, you're so right. And you had so many great points there. right at the end, you just listed a bunch of ways that we could use our breath and that was going to be my follow up question was, what are some of the reasons why, you know, we could focus on the breath language we just breathe naturally and innately like we don't need to think about breath. we don't need to sit in meditation for breath. but it really does support so much more than just being alive in that moment.

So with that foundational piece of functional breathing and how to breathe, I feel like Could we get into fifth you teach me how to breathe without thinking about it?

EB: There's a lot of different things I could say. I think just to sort of reiterate how important it is, you know, if you think about the breath, when you inhale, you're inhaling oxygen. When you exhale, you exhale carbon dioxide, right? It's just a basic simple gas exchange is really the breath in its simplest definition.

But if you think about oxygen, oxygen needs to then go to all the cells, all the muscles, like we need oxygen to function. We need oxygen for every single cell and function properly. And so really, like I could list everything that the breath sort of supports us with but it would be the entire length of this podcast because it is everything, every single function in our being is affected by the breath.

So it’s a lot.

VL: Totally.

EB: Yeah, and to answer your question, you know, so many people breathe dysfunctionally and so some signs of dysfunctional breathing, our upper chest breathing that kind of mentally, hyperventilation, which I see a lot, something like 80% of people 80% of the people in the corporate space like hold their breath while typing emails or something like insane like that. I think. I think that the statistic is 80% of people.

And I've found myself guilty of it right. So the first step is really that breath awareness piece of when am I holding my breath? When am I shallow breathing? When am I breathing in and out of my mouth because mouth breathing and we can get into that is really not great for your health and well being.

When am I sort of bracing for impact? And yeah, I work with a lot of people with trauma. So it's a lot like that hypervigilance piece around trauma and the nervous system is like keeping us in that sympathetic state of just bracing for impact or waiting for the next bad thing to happen or waiting for.

You know, just waiting to kind of fight or need to like defend ourselves or X, Y and Z, you know, so, it's really about first, being aware of when you are triggered to breathe dysfunctionally when you're triggered to sort of either hold your breath, Breathe shallow breathe in the upper chest, right.

So that's sort of the first piece I'd say. 

[11:22] VL: Yeah, it's really noticing which of those categories maybe you fall under? 

Because I see this a lot when I teach Pilates. I do a lot of intro private classes. And the first thing that I do with people is teach them the Pilates breath. And as I'm talking about how I want you to breathe in class, it's a pretty deep breath considering that we're using a lot of muscles and we're moving in certain ways and we're holding in our body and stabilizing a lot of the time. And people get really caught up and like Oh, this feels really opposite to what I'm used to or they'll say, or I'll catch them like holding their breath or reversing the breath often. And I just say don't worry if you're breathing you're already on your way to doing Pilates. If you're not breathing. Now we have a problem. You're holding your breath. But one of the things that I notice is that most people, like you said, have a lot of the upper chest breath and they're having a hard time keeping that Pilates breath pattern because they're not actually fully exhaling.

And, I mean, I don't spend the class teaching them Pilates like solely on the breath and like oh, what else are you holding on to and let's dive into Let's peel back the layers for that one.

But I know that there are other things there. And so one of the things that I have people do is just exhale as much air as you possibly can. And when you think you have exhaled everything, tried to push a little bit more breath out, and all of a sudden they're able to take this huge inhale breath back in. And it's like, okay, you have completed that cycle. Whereas if you're just doing that quick, inhale, exhale, there's so much else left within you that you're like, Have you even finished the cycle? Did you even breathe? Yeah. do you even feel the breath like when people eat really fast and I didn't even taste your food. Where did your breath go?

[13:28] EB:  Oh, totally. And I love that your Pilates studio is called Exhale Pilates because it's so brilliant right? Because we think that the inhale is the most important part because we're bringing in that oxygen, right? It's like, we need that oxygen. But in reality, that exhale is what's going to get us to that place of being fully resourced, deeply relaxed. And able to be resilient to all of life's challenges. I mean, I remember I was in a luxury style class pretty recently. And the teacher said this amazing thing that was meant as kind of a joke but I was thinking about it for hours afterwards. He said, everybody it was, it was a really tough move. And everybody was like, you could tell that it was like a tangible, palpable everybody was just holding their breath trying to just push through this really hard exercise. And he said something like, you know, if you're choosing to, or he's like, “if you're holding your breath, you're choosing to die. Choose life! Choose life!”

Of course I kind of funny, right? But at the same time, I was like, I was so profound. Yeah. You're holding your breath. You're, you're choosing to die slowly, because the exhale is really what's going to support you through those hard movements. Not only in a workout class, but also through life. That exhale is so so so important.

So yeah, that is really stuck. with me for a while and I just love it. I love that visual as maybe morbid as it sounds, because it's really like It is a matter of life and death. truly, right. our breath is the first and last thing we do like I said, and it's I mean you can you can go deeper into that but it's, it's truly a spiritual practice, and it's also just a really practical practice.

[15:32] VL: Yeah, and even when I was teaching yoga more often we talked about breath as your lifeforce energy. That's exactly yeah, it's giving you life and you're right. I mean, it's, it's more of it's not even more, but it's real.

Is there a practice that we could perhaps start our day with, or something that we could integrate into a routine or a ritual that we have, that's something that we can do maybe in this moment together?

EB: Yeah, let's do it.

Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. Our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.

Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.

For more functional breath. So maybe actually let's inhale and exhale through the nose and just, let's just see how it feels.

[18:13] VL: Yeah. I’d love that, let’s do it.

EB: So getting into a nice relaxed position, shoulders back and down softening through the belly.

Don't worry too much about sort of posture and utilizing the diaphragm to come but let's just focus on the tempo of the breath slowing down the breaths, taking a nice, big inhale 2-3-4 And then exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7 inhale 2-3-4 exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8 more Inhale. 2-3-4, exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

And then just allow yourself to return back to normal breathing. And notice how that felt. Right? Again, it's what you were saying earlier, which is maybe that exhale, felt a little bit uncomfortable, but to really empty the belly fully and completely and feel a little bit challenging. And that's, yeah, how did that feel for you? 

VL: Yeah, I feel very centered.

I used to practice that breath all the time. And then I don't know I'm just out of practice from it. But it feels really good. I was a little worried because I mentioned to you before we hit record that I ate something spicy. My nose is a little bit stuffy. I blew my nose before so I was like, Oh crap. We're gonna talk about breathing and I can't breathe, right.

That was great. I actually could breathe through my nose really well. Yeah, it feels so good to consciously breathe. So my question is, how the heck am I supposed to do that when I'm not thinking about that?

EB: Yeah. So in my new, self paced mini course, I dive deep into a lot of different practices, and the sort of different pillars of functional breathing. And so it's sort of like, I equate it to going to the gym and learning how to you know, squatting 100 pounds so that you can pick up your groceries correctly, right? It's that functional movement piece. It's the same thing with functional breathing. So I give a step by step guide of exercises that you can do that are basically like muscle memory. So that you can begin to utilize those correctly, not only not breathing muscles, but also like through the nose and making sure that you're breathing in a way that is supportive.

When you're not thinking about it, and it's just you just naturally begin to like form this beautiful relationship with your breath where you awareness is, is there. so you're able to recognize oh crap, like, I haven't breathed in five minutes. Okay, I'm gonna return back to those functional breathing practices for even just a minute at a time.

And so it really becomes a mindfulness practice, this awareness of the breath, this relationship with the breath, so that you can return back again and again and again.

Similar people meditate. You know, you can really be aware of your thoughts as they're arising and you can choose to engage with them. or not. Similar to the breath you've become really aware of, oh, I'm breathing this way. and you can choose a more functional way.

And then of course, I have little tips and tricks in that course as well, so you know, make sure you're breathing correctly while you're sleeping. because we're not conscious at that point. What do you do then? and so it's, it's really fun, and it's an ongoing, lifelong thing and changes and it's a deep inquiry that I just love seeing how people perceive it and how people work with it and, again, everyone is so different, every nervous system, everybody is so different so it's been really fun to see how it evolves, for everyone.

[22:44] VL: Yeah, that's so cool. What a great resource for people to have. Where can they find it?

EB: Yeah, on my Instagram I have a little like, Link tree milkshakes thing with all my different resources. The course is called Breathe to live so definitely check that out my Instagram is Eliza b dot well and then, so that's probably the easiest way to find it. Yeah.

VL: Cool. Yeah, as you were saying that different breath breathwork practices. Everyone has their own way of connecting to it. It reminded me of when I did a scuba diving course in Honduras. And I actually was, it was actually really cool. But the first time I tried scuba diving was on a family trip to Mexico and it was really scary. When my family went we did like this little pool dive and then they're like, Okay, we're gonna go out and I'm like, This is not for me. I don't like this. But something made me want to do it again later. So I was about 17 and didn't get on that family trip. And then I was closer to 25 or 26 when I wanted to do it again. So almost 10 years later, I'm like something in me was just like, I'm going to take a scuba diving lesson. I'm going to do like open water course. And so I went to Honduras. On our first day, doing the dive there were four of us girls in the course and two of the girls were panicking. And they were having a really hard time and then me and the other member of our group. We were doing pretty well. And to be honest, I noticed very quickly that as we were descending into the water, my physical body was like whoa, whoa, whoa, we do not do this. We do not breathe underwater. This isn't what we are. This isn't us like we're not fish. We don't do this. And so I started to think I started to become a little bit more panicked and think like, oh my god, yeah, like, I'm not a real mermaid. I like to think that I'm a mermaid but I can't actually breathe underwater. And I remember telling myself like, through my meditation practice, as you mentioned, like those thoughts that come up, and kind of talking to myself because you can't say anything underwater. neither. you can't talk underwater and you can't breathe underwater. so you can't communicate your fears to people unless you're above the surface level. And so I'm talking to myself. And I'm saying, okay, like you wouldn't do this if it was that dangerous, and I have this apparatus that we've tested that I am using right now to buy.

Right now to breathe. And I would physically tell myself or physically do as I told myself freeze, and so I would say I'm inhaling and I would use that apparatus too. And it was mouth breathing too, which is also very unusual for myself but you can't breathe through your nose when you're scuba diving. So it was like relearning how to breathe. But I remember being like, Okay, I'm inhaling and when I take the biggest inhale I could. I am exhaling the same thing there. Yes. exhale through the mouth. I cut and I just kept doing that over and over. I'm inhaling and exhaling over and over again and watching the bubbles. And it really helped calm me down. I ended up staying for the whole course. And then taking an advanced scuba diving course because I loved it so much, but it became more of like a meditation for me, but it was really that breath piece that I had to overcome or center in with and honestly, it wasn't like a specific breathing breathwork technique because you can't really do anything fancy dancy underwater like that. It's simply just inhale, exhaling.

Slowly but it made the world of a difference because you can see how much of that nitrogen that you use underwater. When you come up to the surface. You can look at your well when you can look at it underwater too. But the owner of the course or the owner of the school that I was at was with us on that dive and he's like, Okay, well let me see your metrics. And so I showed him that I forgot what it's called. This is so bad. This was a while ago now. But I showed him my rating or whatever. And he was floored, like you've never done this before. And I was like no not really I've never seen before. And he was like, you have almost as much nitrogen in your tank than I do. And I teach this like I own the school. Like really? He's like, Yeah, you've got a really good breath capacity, I guess. And I was like, Oh, cool. We're gonna teach meditation. And yoga. Maybe that's Yeah, but it was. It was really a powerful tool. And like you said, it's something that we always have. And honestly, it was the only thing that I had at that moment. I didn't have a little trinket to rub my fingers with. It could be paint or jewelry, like, there isn't, you know, some people like a photo or a song that they play. like I didn't have any other things other than my breath. So yeah, I just wanted to share that story because I felt like it tied into what you're describing.

But my question for you is do you have a favorite breathwork practice? You don't have to, we don't have to do it right now. But do you have any favorites that are your go-tos? 

[28:30 ] EB: Yeah, well, I just want to say thank you for sharing that story. And what I really heard in that story is safety. Like, it is possible to find safety in the breath and that's exactly what you were saying and safety is really, you know, safety for the nervous system. That's like number one, for resilience and change. You know, we need to feel safe in these uncomfortable situations in order to change in order to grow in order to heal in order to, you know, look at our past in a reflective way that's not re-traumatizing and all of these things. And so, that piece Yeah, you're so right. We have these sort of safety things in our day to day life where there are sort of coping mechanisms, right. But we often don't recognize that the breath can be just as supportive and in creating that safety when you build that relationship to it.

So I love that story. Thank you for sharing. I forgot your question.

VL: I was wondering if you had any favorite breathwork practices or what to use? 

EB: Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Again, it's this beautiful, moment by moment relationship, and I'm grateful that I have a wealth of different breathing techniques and tools. But I will say like for my morning routine, I love utilizing the conscious connected breath which is the type of breathing I do with the breathwork journeying. And that is a more up regulating breathwork meaning it's, you know, designed to activate the nervous system a bit more. So I think that's kind of a cool thing about the breath too, right? We often think that the breath is just for relaxation, for more meditation, for that sort of safety that we were just talking about. But it can also be used for more upregulating activating certain things if and when you need it, which is super cool. And I am pretty tired in the morning. Often. I'm not the best morning person. So I like to utilize the conscious connected breath which is a more upregulating kind of continual breath for a few minutes. I usually do about 30 to 50 of those breaths to just kind of you know, get me into my body tap, tap into my well being I usually maybe put a song on and sort of breathe to the song that maybe I'll do some little movements to kind of get out any of that stuck energy or residual sort of tiredness from the morning.

So that is one of my favorite things to do in the morning. And then at night, I'll usually just do something similar to the one to breathe for 10 to 15 minutes, like while I'm in bed, reading like I don't even set a specific separate time to do it. I'll do it when I'm reading in bed. at night or something like that.

But, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of different ways I could answer that question.

[31:35] VL: Yeah, I guess it depends on the intention. Right. Like okay, what do I have in my toolkit? How do I feel? What is the connector there? 

Yeah, and I think you did that while you're reading I mean, it is something so powerful, yet so simple. We have it here. 

EB: One that's, that's what I found is it's almost a hard sell for a lot of people. Not that I'm really trying to sell people on the breath. I mean, people are breathing throughout the day, but I think a lot of us feel like we have a lot of complicated problems in our lives. And so therefore the solutions also need to be complicated, when in reality, it's like you can't solve a complicated problem with a complicated solution. Oftentimes when it comes to our well being and our health and ourselves and connection to self. And so it's almost like people think, okay, no, this is just too simple of a solution. like, no way can I support, years and years of suffering or problems or health issues or mental health issues with a simple thing as the breath, something that I do all the time, when in reality, it is that powerful and it can be that solution, or it can be that sort of starting point towards the solution, which is just awesome. And so when I'm able to sort of see and support people through that connection, and see how the rest of their healing unfolds, just from starting with the breath, it's like, my favorite thing ever. It's why I do what I do. 

[33:13] VL:  I love that. I know what you mean. That's like, small habits, right? Just yeah, consistently. It's really what's gonna be the difference between the breath and breathing. Right. It's doing it again and again. Yeah, I think a lot of people were, well, a lot of us and myself included. We're so used to that. instant delivery. We're so used to the instant download of the instant answer, whatever it is, you're looking for. Even Google when you Google something, it tells you how many point zero seconds it took to find that answer. Something to prove that. Yeah, that's really weird. But, you know, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna take this deep breath in and out. I'm not going to feel amazing instantly. And although yes, when I just practiced what you led me through a few minutes ago, I did feel a sense of calm. Do I feel like I've healed trauma…? No but I can see how, okay, if that was just what a few rounds of breath could make me feel like, can you imagine if I did that for longer or daily or that's how I woke up in the morning. Yeah, I can totally see that. 

EB: Exactly. It's a lifelong resource. It's a fun tool. As long as you're alive, we will be breathing And so yeah, it certainly doesn't happen overnight.

VL: Wow, this has been really, this has been a really cool conversation. I know that we could talk about this for hours and hours, and all the different layers of it, but I know that people can also connect with you so where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business, you know, you mentioned your Instagram is a go-to spot?

Eliza Butler

Instagram @elizab.well

TikTok @elizab.well

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RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

EB: I'm currently reading this super dense book on the polyvagal theory polyvagal theory attachment communication self regulation by Steven Porges all about polyvagal theory. It's great if you're really diving if you really want to dive into polyvagal theory which is that sort of nervous system regulation by a safety.

That's kind of what I'm consumed with currently. And the novel that I'm reading I usually do like one educational novel. The novel I'm reading right now is called Homegoing. Have you heard of it? No, I haven't. It's an incredibly beautiful, horrific kind of exploration in two generations of people starting from the Gold Coast on the Gold Coast in the slave trade and the relationships between the English and the native Africans there. and the history of all that but it's a beautiful sort of novel that I highly recommend.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

EB: I love this question. Empowerment means connection to self. It means being able to be connected with yourself while also finding belonging in others. It means taking responsibility for yourself and your life and recognizing that you and everybody is capable of that connection of belonging and ultimately healing.

I think and I mean, I dove deep into this with my work in integrative health and as a health coach, you know, oftentimes the medical system and this is a whole other conversation but the medical system doesn't support this idea that we are capable of our own healing. we need experts and experts and experts when in reality we really just need people who are willing to support us and willing to remind us that we are capable of our healing.

I think and I mean, I dove deep into this with my work in integrative health and as a health coach, you know, oftentimes the medical system and this is a whole other conversation but the medical system doesn't support this idea that we are capable of our own healing. we need experts and experts and experts when in reality we really just need people who are willing to support us and willing to remind us that we are capable of our healing.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

EB: Movement, movement. I grew up a really competitive hockey player, ice hockey player. And so I've always felt really, really lucky to always have this deep connection to movement as a form of self care.

yeah, I guess I'll just leave it there. Yeah, movement, daily, daily movement, whether it's yoga or actual, you know, hit classes or things like that. I've gotten really in touch with sort of what I need when I need it, and I'm grateful for that.

4. What are you currently working toward?

EB: I think I am always working towards and will always be working towards a deeper presence, a deeper acceptance to what is and allowing myself permission to fully embody my humaneness, which maybe sounds a little bit convoluted, but really just acceptance, Acceptance of self. always.

[40:51] VL: I'm so excited for you. Thank you so much for being on the show. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here. I love that we've been able to connect again and that we've been able to meet because you are such a beautiful light and honestly you give so much to your community that they want to to acknowledge you for showing up today means a lot to me and I know the listeners are gonna love this episodes. 

EB: Thank you. so it's been such a pleasure to reconnect with you and support you on your journey and feel that support from you and I'm just really grateful.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E204: I’m Tearing Apart My Business from the Backend, and I Have No Clue What’s Next

It has been only recently, maybe in the last few months, that I’ve realized that my pre-pandemic goals are SO NOT my current ones, and I woke up one day asking myself “what the hell am I even doing?” From that point, I decided to overhaul my entire coaching business and the demolition has been messy!

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[00:52] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. It goes without saying that many people around the world went through a huge shift from 2020-2022. And although life is moving at a quicker pace again with fewer restrictions, I find myself at a very unusual point in my life.

I think I spent the last two years doing so much pivoting, that I ended up spinning around and around and losing the one, most important piece of myself and my purpose. I lost my “true north.”

Your “True North” is entrepreneur speak for your “life’s purpose.” It’s why we do what we do. It’s what we’re really good at, and what we love. It’s how we’re of service to others. 

As someone who is multi-passionate, I struggle with labeling myself or niching my business, and I really saw that through these last two years as I was able to adapt and learn and grow in so many different ways that I never expected! 

I think there are so many wonderful benefits to being mutable and multi-passionate, and although I recognize this in myself, I can also see how this could be messy, and lack focus, and perhaps be confusing to people who are not familiar with my business and what I do.

[02:18] So maybe I’ll start there. As I mentioned, I am Valerie. I started this podcast almost four years ago and it’s only been this year where I really feel it “coming together.” That being said, I do see some changes happening with the podcast in the future, but I will save that announcement for another time – all good things I can assure you!

The start of my entrepreneurial journey was about nine years ago. I officially registered by business as a Wellness Educator. I chose this very broad label knowing full well that I am a woman of many interests and talents. At the time I was teaching yoga and hosting women’s workshops, which evolved into many other styles of fitness such as barre and pilates. 

Over the years I found myself obsessed with personal development and other areas of health like mindset, nutrition, sleep, and more! About five years ago I became a Certified Health Coach. Even though I achieved a certification it took me a couple more years from that to really step into that role (mindset work needed to be done!), and I coupled my fitness background and health coaching to empower women in making an impact in their communities. Hence the name of the women’s empowerment podcast – which started as a blog actually!

Since then the fitness side of my business has really blown up! I was teaching full time and although I love what I do, I know that doing it to the capacity I was, wasn’t sustainable for me physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. So I decided to invest in my personal and business growth and focus on building up my coaching business.

This phase was a lot of trial and error – and let me tell you: we’re still working on it! After reflecting on this side of my business and working with a business mentor, we built out my new website, and healthy habit coaching!

At the very beginning I was nervous about “niching myself” as a habit coach, however like my “wellness educator” title, habits are quite broad and I love that the clients I’m working with come to me for so many different things! 

This was actually a really great move with my business because it helped me elevate a little more and really got me excited about sharing information and education about healthy habits! Now people come to me as the expert, and I actually just recorded a Healthy Habits for Actors workshop! 

Healthy Habits for Actors Workshop (YouTube video coming soon)

I love that people are starting to associate healthy habits with myself, it’s really given me the opportunity to support and serve people in a meaningful way – and I never thought I would find a topic that I wouldn’t tire of! I love it so much!

Which brings me to where I’m at now. I still have two sides to my business, and I’ve actually purchased a brick and mortar pilates studio with my business partner. So now I really do have two very separate businesses. I’m also in the process of cleaning up the backend of my coaching business to have a seamless flow to it.

Before I get into what’s happening in the backend, I wanted to mention that I’m sharing all this with you because I’ve been in this industry for almost 10 years and it’s been a very inconsistent and ever-changing journey throughout. You may have already seen the meme about the entrepreneur’s path and it’s chaotic. There are a few different ones out there. 

Anyway, I was speaking with a close friend who is also at a turning point in her business and I was telling her about the mess I’ve made in the backend of my business and she said, “Oh really? You would never know that looking at the front end of your business.” And although I appreciate the surface looks organized, I also think it’s important to share the imperfections. Especially if you’re an entrepreneur - or a human being like me - sometimes we need to hear that it’s not as perfect as it may look!

That was actually some of the best advice I received as a new entrepreneur: Never judge the front end of someone else’s business to the backend of yours. There is SO MUCH people don’t share, we do not see all of the behind the scenes. And honestly most of it is so boring anyways LOL

[07:29] So I’ll try not to bore you with the backend of my business but here’s what I’m tearing apart:

1. My Email List

In business your email list is gold! You want to treat it with care and keep building it. It’s the one thing you “own” and your main connection to your community. We don’t own any of the social platforms we’re on, so if Meta or TikTok or Google decides to end it one day, POOF! Gone are your followers/subscribers. 

My goal with this was to clean up my list by removing inactive subscribers, organizing the different groups, making sure all the automations were updated and things were clean and neat to support my current offerings. 

On Friday last week, I accidentally deleted all the groups, which cannot be undone, and that was horrible BUT the good news is I still have my contacts and it just makes everything a little more minimalist in this part of my business. OOPS! Live and learn!!

#2 My Socials

Gone are the days where I’m trying to keep up with constantly creating and posting on social media! On my list of demolitions is my Instagram page which I will soon be converting into what our last week’s guest Amanda Kohal calls an “INSTASITE” this is essentially a social landing page to my business, and if you want the details. check out last week’s episode:

Episode 203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses, and Everything in Between with Amanda Kohal

I do have TikTok, YouTube, and Pinterest and they are totally under utilized, the main reason being AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! However this is changing also! I plan on sharing strategic content on these platforms in the near future, and that excites me also!

I’m kind of thinking of this phase in my business as a “renovation” of sorts. I was explaining to a friend that I’m in the demolition phase, and although it’s messy, what we need before any renovations is a blueprint/plan!

Now, I’ll be honest, my blueprint is fuzzy, which is why the second half of this podcast title says “and I Have No Clue What’s Next” That to me is both scary and exciting. While my blueprint/plan is to streamline and solidify my systems, I’m not exactly sure where that will really take me next in my business and I think that’s okay! 

Especially because one of the systems I’m creating is that I’m doing more reflecting and analyzing in my business to keep things focused and smooth. I feel like - just like with trying to keep up with the instagram algorithm - it’s all output but there needs to be rest/reflection/and making sure we’re putting our energy where it’s best utilized.

#3 My Offerings 

This part of my business is ALMOST finished! I am excited to share that there are currently three ways to work with me as a Healthy Habit Mentor aka Health Coach, they are:

Make a Habit Mentorship program is my one-on-one coaching within a three month container. Together we create habits rooted in desired feelings, overcome limiting beliefs, unhelpful patterns and inconsistency, and stay excited with the habits that help you feel energized, confident, and healthier.

2. If consistency is what you’re striving for, and you are looking to build and stack habits with ongoing support, then the Healthy Habit Membership would be what you need. This is our group coaching offering to help you create new habits, routines, and rituals without adding to your already busy schedule. 

3. Lastly, we host a seasonal Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. This challenge runs live globally. It’s a lot of fun as all of us are building different habits together! Our next challenge runs in early 2023, but they are ongoing, so check out THIS LINK to join the waitlist for our upcoming challenges.

Since we’re talking about the backend… I am building out a more fluid and simple onboarding process for each of these as I’ve changed the software of these offerings recently so I’m moving everything from one software to another and that is a bit tedious and time consuming, but I am 80% complete so that is really awesome!

#4 My Lead Magnet

A popular strategy to growing your email list is with what’s called a lead magnet or opt-in, freebie, etc. And I do have a brand new guide that I am very excited to share with you! Also it’s completely free! You can now access my Build Better Habits Guide! This is a step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.

I am very proud of this guide as I have put a lot of effort into making it supportive and streamlined for you! The framework I’ve laid out in the guide is the same pathway I use with my 1:1 coaching clients and it’s a great foundation to beginning this journey of healthy habits on your own.

This new Build Better Habits Guide is part of my more simple systems in my business. I used to have three different lead magnets, then I had two, and now I just have one! YAY! 

I’m working with my business coach to help me with all of this and I have to say it’s been extremely helpful for me. 

Before taking on this business backend “renovation” I asked myself, “if I were to start my entrepreneur journey from scratch, what would I do differently? What would I do first?” and the immediate response was: hire a business coach.

But not just any coach! Someone you trust, and enjoy working with, and who has been where you’ve been and knows the answers to your questions. This was a big move and an investment, and maybe we can think of her as the contractor or project manager of the renovation (LOL) she has the expertise, I have the vision and together we make a great team!

[18:00] There are a few more parts of the backend of my business that I’m working through, and honestly sharing all of this feels a bit overwhelming so maybe we’ll talk about the other area details another time. I don’t even really know what those are going to be yet YIKES!

Probably/possible next steps and changes:

1. Small website tweaks/updates

2. Podcast thumbnail update – definitely need a new one of these

3. Deleting my leadpages account – a little too expensive for what I’m using it for 

4. Better schedule systems – booking times, time blocking, vacation planning, editorial calendar, etc.

5. Podcast episodes – new show formats, perhaps a different release system TBD

I feel like this was a really different episode from what I’ve done in the past, and I’d love to hear what you thought of it! Send me a note on instagram @vallavignelife I really enjoy reading your messages.

Let me know if you liked this behind the scenes episode, if you’re excited for the changes, if you’ve checked out the guide yet, what’s happening in your businesses, anything and everything, I’m all ears!

Next week we’ve got a GREAT guest that I am excited to introduce! Until then, I want you to know that if you’ve got your own business and you’re finding it overwhelming, or frustrating, or challenging (1) you are not alone and (2) I can hold space for you if you want someone to chat with you need to share what you’re feeling and going through. 

Remember your “North Star” your purpose and build your blueprint and plan around this. You are here to do great things!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses and Everything In Between with Amanda Kohal

Founder & CEO of the Wolfe Co. Amanda provides business owners with access to reputable resources, community connections and trusted guidance/education to start converting on social.

After working as a brand marketing manager in corporate, Amanda ventured on her own and took her love of digital marketing and ran with it. From helping clients earn $10k from just 2 Instagram stories, $77k from one DM and $28K social media launches, Amanda has turned many personal brands and service-based businesses into cash cows.

Her efforts have awarded her two RBC + Women of Influence nominations and a Bronze in the 2019 Canadian Marketing Associate awards in the Customer Experience category…

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[01:30] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you all to Amanda Kohall. And first and foremost I do want to say because I have a feeling that Amanda doesn't remember this, but I've actually met Amanda, I want to say four years ago in person at an event in Toronto. Amanda was one of the speakers at that event. And it was for the Toronto business babes. and Amanda came in and she was just about to get married. It was like, days before her wedding.

And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.

And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.

Amanda Kohal: I remember the event. And I remember being in a little bit of a state of panic. Like why did I sign up for this? It was I think two days before the week of the wedding, which is like, not a time to be doing those things, you know?

VL: Totally. And since then I've followed you on social media. I've watched you quit your corporate job and start off on your own and then new to Mexico and dope this crazy cold like community on social media. and I am one of your wolfies from your wolf membership.

And I think for me it was just like, again, watching how passionate you are about something but also seeing how you knew exactly what you're talking about because you had done it. And I think that really attracts me to people and wants me or makes me want to work with them more is because I'm like, Oh no, they've done it. And the other thing I'm gonna say because it just couldn't keep saying nice things about is that you really connect with people. Like you really get into conversations and not just like you know, double tapping and post and you're not just saying like, emojis on people's comments and social media, which all of us know that. So I just wanted to say like, thank you so much for all the help that you've done for me and for my social media and for my social platforms, and for being an inspiration to me and reminding me that like you actually, I have a really cool job and I love what I do too and helping me be that passionate because you're like the mirror or like you're someone that I am inspired by every day. So yeah, just want to share that with you. Welcome to the show! *laughs*

[04:33] AK: If they could only see your facial expressions right now. Like I'm the crying emoji right now, the watering of the eyes emoji. But I mean watching your journey has been not only inspiring to me too, but it's taught me a lot about the way people actually take action on, you know, lessons being taught and you're one of those people you always will implement stuff that works for you. but you do it almost immediately and consistent with it, which is just like a dream for anybody. who is teaching these topics. We just love to see it actually being put into action.

VL: Absolutely. So one of the I think I can think of one of the examples is you will do or you have done many training sessions on your Instagram, and mostly through stories you say like okay, here's the tip of the week or like, here's what we're focusing on this week. And I will watch those and I'll think about it for a moment like okay, how does that work for me? How does that work for my business? And I think the one specific example I can think of that I've definitely been consistent with is like numbering my stories. So you'll say that I learned that review. So if you have four stories, or 10 stories or two stories, you say like one out of 10 One out of two, one out of four, and it helps people tap through or like listen through because they're like, Oh, I know that expectation of okay, I'm gonna be here for, for 15 seconds. Right.

And I, I mean, I don't know if that specifically changed the engagement in my stories because it's hard to find the exact insight for that, but I will say that since since taking action on your tips I definitely have a little bit more of that cult like following and community and people are definitely really engaged in the conversations that I'm sharing, especially with stories and I know that I know that you like living in stories too. I love watching and following along.

[06:35] AK: I mean it's the first consistency though. And you hear that tip from anybody who talks about social media is just be consistent. Just show up. It's, you hear it so much that you kind of drown it out. But when you actually do it, it means everything and it takes you from point A to point Z quite quickly. If you can just be consistent. And I mean, the story is stuff. You know how I feel about online user experience and user experiences that are already really familiar, online. And that numbering of the stories is exactly that. So if you're ever taking a quiz online, you'll notice they have progressive forms, and they'll let you know that you're 10% done or 50% done to keep you going because you have that milestone you have that benchmark And in your head, your subconscious, you're just like, well, I might as well keep going. I'm halfway there or 75% or two more questions. So we're mimicking that behavior because it's super familiar. and when something's really familiar, people usually can relate to it and they can take action on it.

VL: I love that. And it's actually something that we do a lot with the Women's Empowerment Podcast and also with my coaching, it's like obviously, consistency with habits is really what's going to make the transformation but it's also about taking action and so with every single one of my podcast episodes, right before I start, I always asked myself I'm like, Okay, what's my intention for this episode and on top of the intention for the show, always it's, I want to inspire the listener to take action. And so when I have a guest on the show, as you know, we do a little pre-form. I asked you what something that people can take action on today or within the next 24 hours. Because really, that's where I've been so consistent with the show and actually someone asked me yesterday, they're like, how do you have this many, like downloads of your podcast because they have a podcast and I told them like, consistency was the big thing.

but also the intention behind it. so I know that you are in social media management and a lot of people that you work with are also in social media management. I am part of your community. I am in health coaching. so you do serve quite a few people. Can you talk a little bit about other people that you've worked with in other types of industries?

[09:10] AK: And I would say working with other social media managers and marketers, organically, it was never my intention. When you first started Social. They all tell you because they like gurus and you know, maybe even myself is find your niche. Find your audience who you actually want to get in front of. But the more that you create content and your content evolves as it should because your business is always evolving. You'll notice that the audience does too. And you'll find yourself in these really unexpected places that surprise you sometimes. So when I started to notice that influx of social media managers and marketers coming my way, I really had to take a step back. What is it about my content that's attracting? Because you see on Instagram, especially, you know, our social media manager listening to this, or you follow a lot of social media managers, you notice in the comment section, it's like 80 to 85% other people in social media, as opposed to that social media marketers, target audience, but there's no action being taken beyond the comment. 

Whereas then in in my community, I was helping the social media managers, you know, setting up their social media, teaching them some things that they might not have learned previous. and I really, really enjoyed it because I found that I could nerd out with them and we could talk about,you know, maybe, we could have that kind of war, which was really nice too.

It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.

It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.

A couple in the E commerce space, but I definitely don't claim to be an expert in E commerce, but primarily online service providers. And another little pocket of the community is influencers and content. Creators, which has been really interesting and actually a learning curve for me, because I run my business as a business account would, whereas a content creator influences or shows up online in a completely different way. It is like the most insane operation, the amount of work that goes into that content is another that we just don't see a lot of stuff. So the community is built up with quite a few people but wherever you happen to fall into that.

[12:25] VL: So glad you said that to how these different businesses run really differently in terms of like their social media and their content and how it's all done. And I've seen your evolution, I mean only in the last four years, which I feel like you've done a lot in the four years since you got married to moving to Mexico to move back home and and now you're renovating the home and all these things. but I've also been able to see the evolution of your membership and your offerings. and, you know, I don't even think you're on crap. What was that app that everyone was on, but it was like an audio app?

AK clubhouse house?

VL: Yeah! Does that still exist?

AK: It still exists and we think there's still opportunity over there. But again, like it peaked and then what happened? Yeah, we don't know. 

VL: I don't even know. But I don't even know if I still have it on my clock to check that later.

​​So I've seen but like you were there a lot of showing up and now you're more on Tiktok and Instagram and all these different things. So it's been really cool to see how you've been diving in how you've been trying things on how you've been sharing what you've learned and through your experiences. And I know as of late, and you kind of mentioned this briefly was like you run your account like a business, not a content creator. And I think a lot of people who are not really taking a step back look at the big picture. People who don't really understand the behavioral sciences or the behavioral patterns of people of the things we're talking about, like seeing the progress bar and all these little details and nuances that you understand. Everyone who's just on social media who's just constantly absorbing information they think they need to be there all the time and show up all the time and be commenting and liking and the Guru's air quotes again, are saying like, send eight people a message and make sure you're using 30 hashtags, but not this hashtag and do this and do that, under so many rules becomes really overwhelming. And I think as an online service provider it's exhausting trying to keep up with everything. So I want to know how do you balance it all? How do you have a healthy relationship with your social media with your business, but I know also too, because you show up a lot and talk about self care. So how does that happen for you?

[15:00] AK: What does that look like in your life?

It took a lot for me to get a healthy relationship with social media. As you can imagine, it was really hard for me because my job is social media. But I think where it really clicked for me was when I was in Mexico. So when we moved there, I was all excited. I started a TikTok account for me and my husband called the CO hauls. He agreed to be in some of the tiktoks which is, you know, if you know my husband that is a huge stuff that he hasn't since I only did that because you wanted to do it but I really hated it. So I was like, we're not going to make you do things that you hate because then this is like a situation for any money. So I got all excited. and whenever we worked it out, it became about I have to get content, even if it's behind the scenes, just the camera.

But it really took away from the experience. And every single day I felt this anxiety that started in my stomach and it moved up to my chest and it would give me these headaches, and I couldn't sleep and it was this horrible, horrible cycle of just anxiety about capturing content, instead of being in this beautiful place and we were so lucky to save a skate Canada at the time, because we were really on lockdown over here. And I just said to myself and to him one day I'm like, are we even having fun here? Like have we been really taken?

How lucky we are to be here and just what a crazy once in a lifetime experience. So I said at the content. We're not gonna focus on that anymore. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to stress myself. Oh. And what I found was when I finally made that decision to just you know, be in the moment, and any content that was posted was so much more authentic. And it was perceived so much better by the community. That was when this cult-like community, as you say, and as I've called my borderline. 

But we're not really. That's when it really started to take off. And I think it's because people can really see when you're passionate about something and when it's organic. You can tell if there's something that staged and you see it all over social media, in the comment section, people how many times did they have to film this to get the right reaction or you can totally tell that this is acting where they had to redo this moment. So that was like a big, big thing for me. And then as well, I got one of these time block things, literally a cube that you can get off of Amazon.

White Timer Cube

Black Timer Cube

And I would start to do kind of the Pomodoro method. I think it's called where I only give myself 30 minutes in the morning to do my engagement for example. 

Now, this hour in the morning, I go out to my car and I film all my tech talks for the day. Once that hour is done. Even if I've only done one TikTok that's it. Now I'm moving on to the next thing. It takes so much discipline, and of course consistency. But once you get in a groove, it becomes second nature. Like I woke up this morning, and I just was okay. Let's go to the car. Do the damn thing and then we're on to the next which is talking to you.

[19:00] VL: Wow, I did not know all of that. That's so cool! 

The Pomodoro method is similar. So the Pomodoro method is when you set a timer and it's called the Pomodoro method because there's a Pomodoro timer. That's why it's called that so it's it's 25 minutes of doing a task, followed by a five minute break. so you have to stop after 25 minutes and take a break. and then you can go back to a different task or the same task for another 25 minutes with a five minute break and you do that four times or four Pomodoro, so one Pomodoro is technically 30 minutes, but it's like what you're saying is really similar, I would probably, I don't know if there's a technical name for it but I probably just called time blocking.

But that's really interesting. What do you do when you hear the timer and you're like, oh when I'm so close. One more, or like I just need to finish like, what do you tell yourself in your brain is like No Don't stop. Keep going.

AK: I mean, if my mid sentence, because I'm writing something or you know, I'm recording it TikTok. I'm going to finish that but then it's done. 

I really tried to stick to that because, of course, being in Mexico. I didn't want to work 910 1216 hour days like I was doing before. So I had to give him the practice of sticking to this time zone or this time slot and I know that if you gave me eight hours to complete a task, I would take the full eight hours to do it. Really I would do in the last hour of the day.

But then there's seven hours that is just kind of wasted or you've started a task you haven't really completed anything.

​​So I said no more of that. Why don't I just give myself our maps for bigger tasks or sometimes night depending on what it is and see what I can get done. And I noticed little by little every day If I was you know consistent with that. I was getting projects done. And it gave me time to you know, spend outside in Mexico.

It gave me the time back to actually build the community and connect with the community. because we think when we're on social media, We just got to get the post out and then it's on to the next thing, But more important than you posting is you actually showing up and engaging with that content and engaging with the responses and reactions that people are having with that content because that's their interactions is what brings it to life. And what can you will new ideas and conversations and new relationships, it can break the ice, in most cases if you were nervous to reach out to somebody.

My whole method and approach to social. And this new approach that I'm sure we'll get into is about giving business owners the time so that they can spend their energy in the right places on social. And as it stands right now, especially for Instagram, it's not a place for you to be creating content for all day. Because the algorithm, then the outcome of the algorithm does not speak to the content creator, which is not organically it's just it doesn't.

It speaks to outcomes, building relationships, nurturing, I mean, look at their stories in their DMS, how interactive that speaks to community building, it also speaks to conversion. So we need to now put the energy in the right places, so we're not spending all day scrolling, drooling. feeling like I got nothing accomplished they're only made this one Instagram post and now.

[22:55] VL: Absolutely. And since I've been taking action on your methods, I rarely post. I mean, I think I posted something really silly last week, but it was because it was for fun.

but it really reached out to my community like the post wasn't for me. it wasn't for my business. It was like, I had so much fun. This is something I want to share with my people because I feel like I know all these people even though some of them I've never met in real life.

And there was a lot of interaction there was also like, Hey, I'm I'm going to try this next weekend or I'm going to do this too. I'm like, Oh my God, let me know how it goes. I really identically want to know how it works for you. Like share that with me now. You know, and it's been so cool because you might stumble upon my page and you're like, oh, yeah, like that's cool. She has a couple 1000 followers and she posts here and there but it's my stories where the magic is happening. It's the stories where people are like, replying or liking and engaging in the conversations are and other people don't see that. I almost feel like engaged in my stories that my posts. And I think it's partially because I built that. like I've I've invited people to reply, I've invited people to engage. I've invited people to tap into share and all these things.

And I'm obviously more consistent in stories too but it's such a cool break, social media just like so much more fun when you take out this. Oh, I have to do something for the algorithm or like I have to post three times a week and it has to be like this.

AK: ​​None of that. None of that. 

No and you're you hit on to the you're making it fun. Again, and when you are having fun, I swear. Anybody who's watching is having fun too. You can feel that it's not forced. You're not posting in those days. You're not getting caught up in. Did I use the right hashtags? Did I add a location tag? Do I have the right filter on this photo? And the checklist goes on? I swear. I love Instagram because you know it really builds my business with me but I figure it out. Like they messed us. And I think it's true to people who are into scoring other platforms because they almost have PTSD from creating for Instagram. But you don't have to do that anymore. You see it with this generation that Gen Z if they're posting on Instagram, which I think is like cringe for them or chugey or whatever the word it looks like. They've taken a disposable camera and they're almost posting like old school Facebook album style. with these photo doubts, right? it's just very in the moment. they're actually putting instead back and Instagram and moving away from this overly curated space because how can you connect with curated it's not real.

[26:22] VL: It's so true. It's like everyone says like, oh, Instagram is the highlight reel and I'm like it is and it's scary because no one wants to do that. Well not no one wants to do that. Like I do like the aesthetic. I love being creative on my account. However I do try to make it a little bit more organic than not and I did because I'm like okay, well I know my brand colors and that's just what I wear. And so then when I posted It's tight, it's now but it just so happens to also suit my brand.

I wanted to ask you one more question about your time blocking before I asked you about your new method and what you have going on. And for the time blocking I know you've talked about being disciplined with the time Yep, wrap up what you're doing, but like this is what you're giving, giving the time to. in terms of that. How are you prioritizing? like can maybe we see like or can you tell us about a day in the life. The calendar kind of looks like a time.

AK: Yes, we can. Okay, so I was just writing down the categories. I even have to remind myself sometimes but basically my work has a variety categorized into different pillars. so I've got my main work, My client work, the work, just my projects, content creation. And then, in real time.

So we’re going to rewrite the four hour workweek to be the five hour work day.

Usually, I like to get done at the same time. And then I've got active time slots in my calendar for clients because I used to officially in my day was so disrupted with okay, I thought, a nice like two hour slot for me to be created creative, and then the rest of the day is just catching day where it had and then like a half an hour in between the next get in a creative or doing any project work. So when I started my business, I said no more of that. I want to make sure that whatever task I'm doing at the time, that's the part of my brain that I'm using. So I'm not none of this back and forth. Because going back to what I said previously, you get in that habit then of starting a lot of stuff, but you're never really making any headway and you're never completing it. Because your brain is going in all these different directions of Wait, I gotta be a creator right now. Wait, I need to do my taxes week. 

We can't call it like it's just, it's too much all the time and we need to kind of scale it back a bit. I've got stuff a time slot for me, my projects. And these are usually big projects my content creation slot where you know, I'm setting up my camera and I'll give myself sometimes it's half an hour, but usually an hour and I say go. You want to film your tiktoks do it in this hour. usually have a loose idea of what I want to talk about that day. But again, I don't try to script it so much so that it comes off nonorganic and then I've got my in real time work. And my in real time work is anything where I need to present so this would be what we're doing right now considered in real time. Or when I'm engaging with my audience that's in real time. So I physically have to be present. there's no amount of automation that could ever replace that. So that's kind of how I'm breaking up my day in terms of what I'm doing. And I found that it's really really helped me stay on task. and it's also given me flexibility to enjoy, you know, the afternoon, no matter what season it is.

[31:00] VL: Yeah, that's what you're saying. All these things are like, oh my goodness, I need to start doing this too because the calendar is just getting booked and booked and booked and booked and I always try to say like, okay, Valerie, this is the week we're going to really be disciplined with those boundaries. and then someone says, Hey, can you do this make sure. hey, can you teach this class? Sure.

But, ya know, I really really liked this I'm going to, I'm going to try it. I'm gonna try to take action on it. 

AK: You have you found thought that you have patchy days right where you've done a lot in the day, but you feel like you haven't accomplished anything.

VL: Totally.

AK: Always drove me nuts because you're putting in a lot of energy but you're like, I feel like I don't even have that one thing checked off my list to say like I did this. I accomplished this today.

VL: Yeah, I find for me because I run two businesses and one of them is a brick and mortar business. And the other one is virtual and because the brick and mortar business is like that in real time, almost 90% of what I do for my brick and mortar business is in real time. So I'm teaching, I'm replying to emails. I'm setting up the schedule. I'm scheduling the teachers like all of these things for the Pilates studio. It's so exhausting, because it requires so much more energy for me to be in front of a room of people versus being in front of my phone and filming some tech talks. And by the end of that day, I'm like I just don't have it in me to show up to show up quote unquote, online. I mean, I can again reply to DMS and I can be present for that but like in terms of face to camera or trying to be creative for somebody I'm like forget it. Like here's a B roll of me laying on the couch scrolling.

AK: Those ones always perform the best. Literally anyone there I've just been lying there. I look like I don't even know what I look like. And they always perform the best. I mean, it's hard to get into the habits. You teach that so you know what once you can get in that groove.

And you're good to gang. You're good to go and you've got a foundation to go back on.

[33:28] VL:Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great!

AK: Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great.

But you know, it takes practice and I know that's not practical for every schedule, especially if you're working a nine to five still and then your side hustle is your five to nine whether that accompanies afterward, or work like you're gonna find the stuff that really works for you and if you are doing something that feels good. Make note of that and try to turn that into a habit, because I noticed when I sectioned off the different categories.

Man, it was just like a game changer for me. And I said this is how I can stick to a schedule because I've tried all that other stuff before and it made me more stressed out like the to-do list just became longer and longer. and like writing the to do list was added to the to do list so I knew I had a situation when that happened.

[35:20] VL: Oh yeah big time. I think the biggest thing for me is the to-do list stuff. Someone said If you spent as much time checking off the boxes and working on those tasks, as you did stressing about your to do list, you'd have half of those things done. And I was like oh yeah, that was a slap to the face I needed!

Okay, so tell us about this new method that you have created for business owners to really take back their time and be the business owner and not the content creator.

AK: Right. We may need a part two on this puppy but that's okay, there's all the information on my social media as well.

You know what I touched on it a little bit earlier. And it mainly came from two places. One was the entrepreneurs and business owners that I was working with. The common theme that kept coming up is I'm burnt out. I don't want to call my tech creator and have no time to work on my business.

Finding myself just scrolling on Instagram all day thinking what do I post? What do I do? So this really was the catalyst to me doing some more research and experimentation. And it was started to go deeper and deeper into algorithms of you know, some of the top platforms, so Instagram being one TikTok of course, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and I really wanted to look at what outcomes do each of these platforms serve? 

And in this research, I realized, Holy Hannah, Instagram doesn't even show my content to more than 10% of people who are already following me. And that was like a huge, I guess like red flag or trigger in my mind of this isn't a platform for content creators because a content creators primary goal is to get mass organic reach. You don't get on Instagram, expecting to get a lot of reach on Instagram, especially if you're not already an established is like buying tickets to a basketball game and then expecting to see a football game when you get there. It makes no sense. But we're on this hamster wheel I got a crate for Instagram I got a crate for Instagram. With algorithm doesn't even reward that type of behavior, but it does reward building a community. It does reward cultivating impact and converting. So why don't we put that energy over on Instagram? 

And then if you still are like, I want to create content still I still want to have some energy and maybe it's the hour a day that you're creating content. Do that on a platform that is built for content creators that actually had the outcome of mass reach. So a lot of people seeing your content, and right now that's Tik Tok. We could also put YouTube in that category. We could also put LinkedIn LinkedIn has fantastic reach on their platform. Create for the spaces that are meant for creators, and then save your energy to build relationships and spaces that were meant for building communities like Instagram. 

So Instagram basically has an identity crisis. They don't even know what their zone of genius is. they keep trying to you know, copy TikTok when they've got this beautiful stories experience. it's superior to any other platform I need TikTok hasn't fixed their stories yet. and their DMS like the DMS are full. I can voice No and an Instagram DM I can send you a video no Instagram DM, I can't do that over on Tiktok.

VL: Yeah, I think you've really hit the nail on the head with this because even just hearing it for the first time I felt this instant relief like oh my god, I don't need to keep creating and it's like, it's embarrassing. It's annoying. It's sad when you post something that takes all this time to create, like what you thought was beautiful and curated, but also really organic and not very organic, but authentic. And then you post it and you get like three likes on it or like 100 views on your reel and you're like, What the hell is gold baby? And you're like, what the heck Instagram? I just can't do this anymore. Meanwhile, I show up on Tik Tok like once a week, which I know it's not, that's not as many times as Tik Tok.

But I still get more views on Tik Tok, which I hardly ever go on anyway!

AK: Okay, so, TikTok though is the reason why you get that mass reach is because TikToks algorithm shows your content to 85 to 90% of people who aren't following you strangers. So even if you're posting once a week, you can ensure that the majority of people who are seeing that content, even if it's 185 to 90% of them, have no idea of who you are and who your brand is, and this is why it's such a powerful channel. It can give a taste of your brand. And now we drive them over from TikTok to your Instagram, which has those deeper dives or the community in there with you using stories or if you set up your Instagram page like a website because that's also a part of this method is treating your feed like a website answers every single question that you would ever find over there, the WHO THE what the when the where the how, yada yada yada. So if you treat it like that, you're going to spend less time on that hamster wheel and more time actually moving forward in your business

VL: Now since you said that I've seen more and more people who treat their Instagram like a website and funnily enough, that's how I search for businesses. It's either like on Google Maps, if it's a brick and mortar, or I'm searching on Instagram and even those brick and mortar businesses. I'm also looking at their Instagram because I want to see the pictures. I want to see the stories I want to see who's sharing who's posting who's doing those things. So it's it makes so much sense that you say that and I'm really glad that you're on this journey right now and that you're sharing this method. So where can we find you as well as more information? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business?

WEBSITE | www.wolfeacademy.co 

IG | @thewolfe.co 

TT | @amandakohal 

RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

AK: Okay, my favorite book is Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid. And the thing I love about her books is she takes certain characters and sprinkles them throughout her books in some sort of fashion. It's a fantastic book. 

Right now I am finishing up a book called Because Internet [by Gretchen McCulloch] and it's about the language of online communities which all business owners need to listen to. This book will teach you more about having an online business than any course. 

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

AK: Doing things on your own terms. I mean, you know my story. It's coming from a corporate background where there was a lot of red tape. I never felt empowered to explore my creativity or explore what could happen if I broke a rule and I say that in quotations. but now with this business, I truly feel empowered to do that. and it's like through those mistakes that I've learned the best lessons and the business has evolved in a way that I could never even imagined before.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

AK: The longest standing habit is morning walks. I'd have to say so every morning, my husband and I will make our coffee and we make mugs not traveling mugs, okay like actual mugs, Ceramic, Porcelain, whatever. and we go for our half an hour to 45 minute walk every morning.

4. What are you currently working toward?

AK: I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. Get me to talk. I could do that all day but the writing I'm finding it a challenge but I'm really enjoying it. and I'm just so excited for it to hit the Amazon ebook streets at some point.

VL: That's so exciting. I cannot wait to see that and read it and I'm sure I'm sure you're a great writer. I always like those books though. Where it feels more like someone's telling you a story or explaining something to you because it just flows better and you're like, Oh, I get it. I don't need this fancy lingo to understand a concept that you're trying to share. So I'm sure it's gonna be great. Everything that you do, has such a magic flair to it. 

And on that note, I want to say thank you so much again for being on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. You're an absolute joy to follow and be taught by. I really, really, really love learning from you. And again, I'm just really excited for all the other things that are coming through. And I haven't started on my new Instagram grid yet, but I am considering it because it feels a little out of my comfort zone. but it also feels like it makes sense to me. So you will see and hear about that soon, I'm sure.

Yeah, thanks so much. This was great! 

AK: Thanks for having me and we can talk about your grid. so don't worry, plenty of time for that.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E202: Three Ways to Elevate Your Habits

If you’re experiencing a plateau in your current habits, then perhaps it’s time to elevate! If you need to take things to the next level, but you’re not yet sure what that is… Keep listening because this episode is for YOU!

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[00:42] Story Time

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. A little over a month ago, my partner and I visited Mont Tremblant, Quebec. Neither of us had been there before - well technically I have but not in the summertime. Anyway! We were walking in Old Tremblant when we decided to sit down on a bench by the river. While we were there we saw a young girl on her sailboat, and near where we were sitting on the dock, were her dad and her two brothers wrapped up in blankets.

I didn’t think much of our surroundings at first, but as we watched the girl on her sailboat I noticed a few things. I could see that the dad was communicating with her through a walkie-talkie or something. We could hear that he was talking and it sounded like directions or cues but I can’t say for sure. She almost tipped the boat a few times and it was really cool to watch her changing the sail and ducking under it and all that. I’ve never sailed before or really sat down to watch anyone sail before, so it was pretty neat. 

When she came back she shouted, "How did I do? What was my time?!"

The middle brother shouted back that her time was under five minutes. 

I guess that was good because she replied, "Haha I bet you can't beat that!"

And the middle brother said, "Yeah I can! I can do better, I can beat that time!"

And the little brother said, "I was cheering for you! Did you hear me? I was cheering you on! YA!"

For the rest of the day I kept thinking about this family and this dynamic. I couldn’t get them out of my mind! While my partner and I were making a fire later that evening I realized that this family interaction and these different energies are the combination that we need to push ourselves to get better and to support us with what we're working on.

We need The Challenger (middle brother) to push us so we can understand our limits and grow out of our comfort zone.

We need The Cheerleader (little brother) to encourage us and keep us accountable.

And we need The Charter (dad) to track us, measure our goals, and keep us moving in the right direction.

After hearing about each of these energies in this family dynamic, which of them do you need to elevate your habits and goals?

Perhaps you are ready to raise the bar higher, then you’ll need the challenger.

Maybe you’re in need of more encouragement, so you’ll need the cheerleader.

And if you aren’t sure what direction you’re in, or where on the path you are, then you’ll need the charter.

[04:20] Flowers Need Fertilizer 

Since habits take time, there comes a point where you feel like you're plateauing, but really you’re making invisible changes. Just like when you plant a seed. You place it in the sun, and water it. But you don’t actually see the seed grow, at least not yet! It takes time for the seed to sprout. And when it does, it’s still a tiny sprout that hasn’t yet blossomed into a blooming flower yet! There is still more transformation to come!

This part of your growth - the part where you’re watering, and getting lots of sun - it feels tough because you aren’t seeing the results. The people around you aren’t noticing them either. But they ARE happening, and you need to have faith.

Many times the consistency and perseverance through this phase is what makes or breaks your habits. All too often we give up because we aren’t feeling like the effort is enough.

In my Healthy Habit Coaching programs, I work with you to uncover where you are in your journey and together we understand what it is you need to get to the next stage of your journey. You can think of it like the fertilizer for your seed. It’s not what makes you grow, and of course flowers and plants grow all the time without it, however it can be very helpful for the health of the plant, as well as the speed at which it grows when it has the support of quality fertilizer!

For more customized support, the Make a Habit Mentorship program is my one-on-one coaching within a three month container. Together we create habits rooted in desired feelings, overcome limiting beliefs, unhelpful patterns and inconsistency, and stay excited with the habits that help you feel energized, confident, and healthier.

If consistency is what you’re striving for, and you are looking to build and stack habits with ongoing support, then the Healthy Habit Membership would be what you need. This is our group coaching offering to help you create new habits, routines, and rituals without adding to your already busy schedule. 

Lastly, we host a seasonal Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. This challenge runs live globally. It’s a lot of fun as all of us are building different habits together! Our next challenge runs in early 2023, but they are ongoing, so check out THIS LINK to join the waitlist for our upcoming challenges.

There is one other option to elevating your habits, and that is the DIY route. This is a very great option if you’ve got the discipline and the focus to keep moving forward. And because you’re a listener to this podcast, I have faith that you ARE someone who takes action and strives for progress. 

[08:00] The Challenger

If it feels like time for you to raise the bar, and your focus is on “the challenger” energy, here are your best next steps:

1. Write out your goal

2. What would make this goal a LITTLE BIT scarier?

Sometimes this is quantity. If your goal is to walk 10k steps a day, maybe you increase it to 12 or 15k steps daily.

Sometimes it’s timing. You want to create work-life balance this month.. Maybe you shorten the timeline to this week!

As a bonus, another great episode to support you with this is Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success.

[08:58] The Cheerleader

If you’re in need for more encouragement when it comes to elevating your habits, then “the cheerleader” energy is what you need. Here are your next steps:

1. Start a self-love/gratitude journal today! Write down 1-3 things about yourself that you are grateful for every-single-day.

This is, in a way, its own habit. However it WILL elevate your life 100% and will give you the positive power to succeed.

If you’ve decided to add or create multiple habits at once, focus on how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved so far.

2. Reach out to a friend who can give you the best pep talk. The friend that will remind you of how far you’ve come; the mountains you’ve already climbed; and the times you’ve already won.

Lastly, another helpful podcast episode for cultivating this cheerleader energy is, Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk

[10:05] The Charter

Of course, our last energy is “the charter.” When I think of this one, I remind myself that what gets measured, gets moved. In other words: track your progress. This method will really depend on what exactly your goal is. For everyone, it’s best to keep it as simple as possible.

If your habit can be automatically tracked, that is a bonus! Then all you have to do is check in with your app or automatic tracker every so often to manage your progress. Otherwise, a simple pen and paper does the trick. I have a new Achieve Planner, and I’ve written out a few habits that I want to track each month where I manually track my progress. Checking the box is almost as satisfying as the habits themselves!

Of course, I have a complimenting podcast for this one too! Episode 156: 6 Productivity Solutions You Need to Know

Okay you’ve got your next steps, and you’re ready to grow! Don’t give up on your current habits, routines, and rituals – you’ve got this!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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