Posts in Entrepreneurship
E236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time and Energy
 
 

E236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time and Energy

I like to joke that if you tell me your habits, I will tell you your future. Kind of like a modern day fortune-teller hahaha but seriously, where you are a year from now is a reflection of the choices you choose to make right now.

Just like where you are in life today, is a reflection of the choices you made one year ago! Share with me in the comments of this video, or DM me on instagram @vallavignelife to let me know what dream future you want to build and we can reverse engineer this with tiny habits.


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Welcome back, I am so happy you’re here. Thank you for choosing this show to spend your time with. Whether you’re listening while working out or going for a walk, or maybe you’re watching the video version of this podcast, I am so very grateful for you and your time.


I’ve been hosting and producing this podcast for over four years and there have been a lot of variations of the show over this time. One of the things I’m super proud of through creating this project is the consistency and momentum that we’ve been able to build with the show. I could not have done this without you and your support for the podcast. 


If you’ve ever written a review, or shared an episode, if you’ve taken the time to DM or email me about how the show has impacted you, if you have been a long time listener, or a new listener, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Your support has been overwhelming and has not gone unnoticed. I read every single review, every thoughtful email, and comment on our youtube or instagram and I appreciate you.


Today on the podcast we’re going to talk about consistency and momentum with your healthy habits and how you can maximize your time and energy.


[01:55] Habit Stacking 101

One of the best ways to build a new behaviour or routine into your life is by habit stacking, also known as habit sequencing.


This is a systematic approach to creating healthy habits, routines, and rituals in your daily life. This system uses existing moments of your day as triggers for your new behaviour. For the purpose of today’s episode, I will refer to Habit Sequencing and Habit Stacking interchangeably.


To better understand this system, I’d like to share two formulas with you. The first is the HABIT STACKING FORMULA

After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].


The second formula is the TEMPTATION BUNDLING FORMULA

After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].


Let’s break these formulas down:

Current Habit = a existing part of your routine

New Habit = the behaviour you want to add in

Habit I Need = could be your new habit, or a healthy habit you'd like to start doing

Habit I Want = maybe something in your existing routine, or maybe something you're trying to eventually break, or a type of reward.


Let’s check out some examples using the Habit Stacking Formula

After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].


After I turn off my morning alarm, I will begin my morning ritual and check in with myself.

After I do my skincare routine, I will lay out my yoga mat for my evening yoga practice.


Here are some examples of the Temptation Bundling Formula

After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].


After I complete my morning meditation, I will check my socials.

After I finish my workout at the gym, I will have an espresso.

After I make myself breakfast, I will feed my dog.


Now you try! Use either of the formulas with your specific habit. It doesn't have to be perfect at this moment. This practice is for better understanding where your new habits can actually fit into your daily life.


When we’re talking about and looking at our formulas, what we’re actually doing in this practice is creating triggers for our new habits. 


[04:09] Anchors, Prompts, & Cues… OH MY!

We experience HUNDREDS of triggers, prompts, anchors, and cues everyday. 


For the purpose of our podcast: triggers = prompts = anchors = cues


Cues are the invisible drivers of our lives, and we barely notice them. Most of the time we just act! The light turns green, and we go. Our phone dings, and we check the message. When the tummy grumbles, we search for something to eat. It can be a natural prompt, or a designed one, but it does the same thing. It says, "do this behaviour now."


This fact is a strong part of my WHY because it's so easy to live life on autopilot. We go through the motions of a life designed FOR us, but not always BY us. And even when life is designed BY us, it's usually in response to stress, fear, scarcity, and survival. This is a life by default.


I teach women like you how to design a life of meaning and purpose. a life that offers freedom to choose, and opens up abundance and possibility.


We design a life you're passionate about, a life rooted in FEELING! And we do this through the tool of healthy habits.


[05:37] Types of Prompts

When we’re designing a meaningful life, we can better understand prompts, and the different types of prompts.


If you remember from last week’s podcast episode, we talked about this a little bit too. 


The first are person prompts. These prompts rely on something inside of you to do the behaviour. The most natural person prompt is our bodily urges: hungry, tired, thirsty, need to go to the bathroom, etc.


Next are environment prompts. This is anything in your environment that triggers you to take action. Examples: alarms, sticky notes, rearrange your space to support your habit, app notifications, etc.


And finally, action prompts. The most important prompt because this is a behaviour you already do that can remind you to do your new habit. Something in your existing routine that cues you into action.


Our habit stacking/habit sequencing works with action triggers. That’s because our behaviours happen in sequences, one after the other.


When building your new habit, you will design the sequence for it. Your current/existing habits are the anchors for your new habit. The first step is to identify what your current anchors are. 


Ask yourself: Where can this new habit naturally fit into my day?


[07:00] Helpful Tips

When you’re building your habit stacking formula, it’s important to BE SPECIFIC: put your current routines under a microscope, what is SPECIFIC about your anchor/prompt? EX. "after I eat breakfast" becomes "after I start the dishwasher"


The truth is, we cannot run away from habits, but we CAN design them to support our health, wealth, and happiness. The most important part is to START! Anchor into your feeling word, and investigate where in your current routines can you build in your new habit?


[07:44] Transform Your Habits Course

Need support with building your habits and routines? I’d love to help you each step of the way. You can now enroll in the self-paced course Transform Your Habits. I designed this course with you and mind so that you could empower and elevate your life with healthy habits that ACTUALLY matter.


In this course, you can experience the power of creating positive change in your daily routines and lifestyle. 


Your transformation is possible through tiny actions! 


Head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge to enroll today!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
Which Episode with Elle are you looking for?
 
 

E237: Human Design as a Tool to Understanding How we Can Create Habits & Routines

Elle Hamilton is a Self Discovery Guide and Human Design Expert, supporting women seeking clarity and confidence in navigating their life path. Her approach empowers clients to reject societal expectations, embracing their own journey with a unique blend of self-awareness and intuitive lifestyle design. Through exploration of their Human Design Chart, she helps clients rediscover their authentic self, realize their unrestricted potential, and seize a life of empowerment and freedom…


E164: MANIFEST YOUR GOALS WITH MINDFULNESS WITH JUNIELLE ROSHER

This is truly a wonderful conversation that brings anxious, or futuristic minds back into the present moment without losing sight of our big dreams and goals…

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Asset 171.png

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

Val LaVigne Life Instagram
 
E235: Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything (BOOK REPORT)
 
 

E235:Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything (BOOK REPORT)

When it comes to change, tiny is mighty. There are super small changes that change everything in our lives! These changes become habits, and those tiny habits can make or break our futures. Why? Because a lot of our habits happen automatically, or by default. This can lead to frustration, or feelings of going through the motions with no goals achieved or set. 


It can also lead to happiness, freedom, and success by your definition. The difference between these two outcomes? Is a life by default, versus a life by design…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. I help women like you create a life by design, not by default so that YOU can truly step into your best self and finally let go of the toxic habits holding you back.


Part of what sets me apart from other Health or Life Coaches is that I use the power of simple changes; small and seemingly insignificant behaviours; tiny habits that lead to TRANSFORMATIVE results.


I combine my love of neuro/behaviour science with spirituality such as astrology and human design to support my one-on-one clients and our community members. Speaking of Human Design, I am a line 1 profile meaning I am an investigator and love diving deep into topics that LIGHT ME UP! Habits – naturally.


Something I started last year on the show was sharing some of my research and findings through “Book Report” Style Episodes. These episodes feature books I’ve read and how I use them to support my clients.


If you haven’t already guessed it, today’s book report is TINY HABITS by BJ FOGG. (affiliate) sound familiar? Maybe because it’s a New York Times best seller, or maybe because a couple other books I’ve shared on the show mention this book too!


And for good reason, Fogg has done some pretty groundbreaking research and founded the Standford’s Behavior Design Lab.


He shares his decades of research in this book and like the effectiveness of tiny habits, he breaks down the concepts into tiny pieces and builds them in sequence throughout the book. 


For the goal of this episode, I’m going to focus on a few key pieces in the book that I found most insightful, and I also use with my own clients. We’ll discuss and dive deeper into each of the elements of behaviour change, followed by how a tiny habit becomes transformative.


[03:12] The Anatomy of Tiny Habits

But first, let’s break down the Anatomy of Tiny Habits (p.12). This is important because most of the time tiny is the only option. Change is rarely immediate and certainly not automatic right away. Making small and significant changes grows into more lasting and impactful change. 


In fact, I was speaking with one of our Healthy Habit Members and we were building out her new habit of practicing pilates on the patio. This client loves to “Go Big Or Go Home” and through the membership program she has really learned how detrimental this can be. With the support of some questions and suggestions from, she was able to create a super simple tiny behaviour that would help her do the absolute bare minimum of the habit and she felt affirmed that even if she just did this bare minimum it would still count.


This is crucial to the bigger transformation, because if we can’t even get the ball rolling then we won’t be able to build momentum or a foundation to GROW!


Let’s understand the Anatomy of Tiny Habits according to BJ Fogg. 


The first part is the  1. ANCHOR MOMENT. This is an existing routine or an event that already happens. For my client every morning when her alarm goes off, she puts on her comfy bathrobe and will have a slow and relaxing morning routine. The Anchor Moment reminds you to do the new Tiny Behaviour.


The second part of the habit is 2. NEW TINY BEHAVIOUR. This is a simple version of the new habit you want. You do the Tiny Behaviour immediately after the Anchor Moment. For my client this meant put on pilates clothes after her morning alarm goes off. AFTER that the robe can go on.


And finally the third part of the Tiny Habit anatomy is 3. INSTANT CELEBRATION. This is something you do to create positive emotions, such as saying “I did a good job!” You celebrate immediately after doing the new Tiny Behaviour.


You can remember the Anatomy of Tiny Habits with the letters A, B, C.

A = Anchor

B = Behaviour

C = Celebration


This book has a huge emphasis on the power of TINY. The smaller the behaviouor, the better. One of the reasons for this is because you are more likely to do a simple action. If the actions are too extravagant, complicated, or they take too long, then there’s less of a chance you’ll repeat it. This is something that comes up often in my work. 


People are reaching out to me in frustration or anger as to why their new two-hour morning routine didn’t stick. Or why they can’t stay consistent with their daily workouts. While there are always many layers to unpack and each client is unique, one of the most common reasons is because the new behaviour isn’t tiny enough. 


[06:57] Elements of Behaviour

Let’s understand this better through the Elements of Behaviour. In his book Fogg says “You can change your life by changing your behaivors. You know that. But what you may not know is that only three variables drive those behaviors.” (p.19) This is demonstrated through the Fogg Behavior Model.

B = M A P 

B behaviour

= happens when

M motivation &

A ability & 

P prompt

Coverage at the same moment

According to Fogg, this model works for any and all behaivours. Take a moment to consider a current or new behaviour of your own. Before we break down each part of this model, think of your motivation for this new or current behaviour. Your ability to complete the action, and what prompt or anchor you have that gets you in motion. 


When I do this activity with myself or my clients, there tends to be a moment where the lightbulb goes off. And sure enough, the reason for that is because we’ve already implemented the behaviour model in one way or another.


I really like Fogg’s visual representation of B=MAP, which shows how motivation and ability work in relationship to each other (p.23). If you’re listening to this episode, check out the show notes wherever you’re listening and head over to the video version of this episode on YouTube to see this model in action.


And if you like visuals, there are LOTS of them in the TINY HABITS book. (affiliate).


[08:33] Motivation

The first thing that we need to have to complete our behaviour is M for Motivation. Motivation is complex and often unreliable. It fluctuates, sometimes on the same day!


So why would motivation be so important if it isn’t that effective? Great question. Because motivation is our WHY and our WHY Is the most important thing. When we understand the aspiration and the outcome we want to achieve we can find the best behaviour that will help us reach that outcome. 


In my own coaching and teaching, I ask my clients and students how they want to FEEL. This feeling word is our motivation/aspiration/outcome. When we understand how we want to feel, we can begin to brainstorm behaivours and actions that help us feel this way. There is always more than one, and usually MANY different behaviours we can do to get to this outcome. 


[09:38] How to Choose Your Golden Behaviour(s)

Part of how BJ Fogg helps you choose your new behaviour is by first, brainstorming all the ways you can connect to the desired outcome, and then by organizing the options into one of four quadrants. (p.64)


This is another visual that shares two arrows crossing each other in + formation. The upward arrow says “High-Impact Behaviours” and the downward arrow reads “Low-Impact Behaviours.” Then the arrow pointing to the right says “Yes I can get myself to do this behaviour” or the left, “No I cannot get myself to do this behaviour.”


Using the list of habits and behaviours you brainstormed, place the behaviours in their quadrants. Whichever behaviours end up in the top right quadrant are both High-Impact and actions you can get yourself to do. Fogg calls these your “Golden Behaviours”


While I do not practice this exact exercise with my clients, we do go through questions that weed out the low-impact and low motivation behaviours, and we identify the “golden behaviours” for them. In my experience, there are typically only 1 or 2 golden behaviours that really stand out to the client I’m working with, so that is where our focus lies. 


[10:58] Ability

The next piece of the Fogg Method is ABILITY. This is such a key ingredient in creating a new habit. And funnily enough this is where most people usually get bored or where habits seem un-sexy, but it’s one of my favourite parts of habit-formation. 


The key to a person’s ability to be SUCCESSFUL with their new behaviour is SIMPLICITY. Here’s how I’m going to lay it out, and maybe you’ve heard this before.


[11:24] The Habit Tree

I want you to think of the biggest tree you’ve ever seen in real life. Imagine yourself with that tree again, standing beside it, maybe touching it, maybe taking a rest under it. Maybe you looked at it and said, “That’s a big forking tree right there.”


This is what everyone wants in their life. They want the huge tree! They want the benefits of the shade from the tree, and maybe the fruit or the flowers the tree makes. They want to climb the tree to see new heights. 


The tree did not appear as this miraculous huge tree overnight. This big mother-forking tree was once a tiny seed. Yes. It was once a “boring” seed, that perhaps someone planted in the ground and every day, little by little this seed began to grow. And more and more days, weeks, months, years, perhaps DECADES went by before this tree became the tree that you know and love today.


The reason why so many people fail with habit-formation, they don’t reach goals, they don’t achieve outcomes, they don’t FEEL their feeling word is because they have overlooked the SEED! 


They couldn’t see the potential and the possibilities. They couldn’t look beyond what was there to what could be! But that’s not even the worst part.


The worst part is that if you aren’t planting your own meaningful or intentional seeds, other seeds; other behaviours will form in your life without you knowing. And instead of the big beautiful tree you aspired to be, there is a garden of weeds aka bad habits and negative feelings, and you’re not even sure how they all got there in the first place. 


This is a life by default, and this breaks my heart. So how do we avoid this? How do we grow our big tree?


We live a life by design, and that starts with our Tiny Habits. Let’s get back to the book for some tips on our Ability to form a new habit. Fogg writes:

“What I’ve found in my research and years of experience is that your answer [to what is making your habit hard to do?] will involve at least one of five factors. I call them the Ability Factors. Here’s how they break down.

  • Do you have enough time to do the behaviour?

  • Do you have enough money to do the behaviour?

  • Are you physically capable of doing the behaviour?

  • Does the behaviour require a lot of creative or mental energy?

  • Does the behaviour fit into your current routine or does it require you to make adjustments?” (p.79-80)


You ask these questions with your “Golden Behaviour.” If it passes all the questions then you’ve got your new habit, and if not you’ve saved yourself a lot of time by uncovering an obstacle before you physically got to it.


I have these questions as part of my 1:1 coaching. It’s actually part of my Clarity Call where new people can book a 45 minute session with me to create an action plan with some next steps specific to their new behaviour. In that session, we’re using the B = MAP formula in many ways. I also have a question of my own that I add, which is “are there any obstacles that you can foresee when you begin this new habit?”


Sometimes the words “physically capable” or “mental energy” for example, don’t resonate with everyone, but when they take a moment to really think about the behaviour in action, they begin to see some ways that it might not work out. 


Asking these questions, or practicing the actual habit together highlight what could go wrong, and gives us the chance to create solutions or support in advance. It’s a very proactive practice. 


[15:42] Prompts

The final part of the Fogg Behaviour Model is “P for Prompt.” Other names for prompts are, cues, or triggers.


Fogg says “Prompts are the invisible drivers of our lives” (p.97) and it’s very true. Our alarm goes off and we get out of bed, we see a notification and we check our messages, the light turns green, we go.


He writes, “Where a habit is located in your daily routines can make the difference between action and inaction, success and failure.” (p.99)


There are three different kinds of prompts described in the book:

1. Person Prompt

This means having a person prompt themselves to do the action. An example of this type of prompt is basic bodily burgers but it’s NOT ideal or reliable when creating a new habit.


2. Context Prompt

This is something in your context or environment that cues you to take action. This kind of prompt is best suited for one-time behaviours like making a doctor’s appointment or signing up for a new workshop.


3. Action Prompt

This is a behaviour you already do that can remind you to do a new habit you want to cultivate. For example, starting your coffeemaker can be your prompt to do a new stretching habit using the kitchen counter.


According to Fogg this is a very special type of prompt. The action prompt is one way you can hack your behaviour with the tiny habits method. So the action you’re already doing in your day becomes your ANCHOR.


[17:27] Tips for Choosing Your Anchor

When you’re choosing an anchor, you want it to be precise and specific. Here are three things Fogg shares to take into account to find good anchors (p.112)


1. Match the physical location

This is the most important factor – What are you already doing in that location already, and what routine can you add into that same location? 


2. Match the frequency

How often do you want to do your new habit? If you want to do it once a day, do it in a sequence that happens once a day.


3. Match the theme/purpose

While this factor is less vital — the best anchors will have the same theme or purpose as the new habit. Example, watering/nourishing plants > watering/nourishing self


At this point, I’m hoping you understand a little more of the Fogg Behaviour Method, as a reminder the formula is B = M A P. Behaviour happens when Motivation, Ability, and Prompts coverage at the same moment.


[19:53] Emotions Create Habits

The last point I want to share before talking about our tiny habits becoming transformative is how celebration can help you make your new behaviour a habit.


Fogg says “When you celebrate effectively, you tap into the reward circuitry of your brain. By feeling good at the right moment, you cause your brain to recognize and encode the sequence of behaviours you just performed… In other words, you can hack your brain to create a habit by celebrating and reinforcing.” (p.134)


Through his studies Fogg discovers the direct connection between what you feel when you do a behaviour and the likelihood that you will repeat the behaviour in the future. 


Think of what celebration means to you, and how you can celebrate the new behaviour you are creating. 


You can think of celebration as a habit fertilizer. 


[21:13] Tiny to Transformative

Speaking of fertilizer… When it comes to transforming your tiny habits, there are two ways to do this.


The first is Habits that Grow and the second is Habits that Multiply.


LIke plants, habits can grow. These are habits that get bigger, the habit expands. For example, perhaps your habit was to meditate every day and you started with taking three mindful breaths every morning. Overtime, your habit began to grow and you now meditate for 30 minutes every morning.


Also like plants, habits can multiply. This typically happens when the habit you’ve cultivated is one piece of a larger ecosystem of behaviours. When a habit multiplies you can expect a compound or ripple effect into other areas of your life. For example, you have a habit of getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep every night. Getting quality sleep gives you more energy in your day, with that energy you start to workout and move your body daily. Since you’re moving your body more you are thirstier so you drink more water. Drinking more water supports your skin, digestive system and more since you’re hydrated. Etc. etc. 


Similar to the habit tree analogy I shared earlier in this episode, it doesn’t matter that your tiny habit is so small to start with. Tiny is simple, tiny is doable, tiny has potential!


The important piece is that “Success leads to success… The size of that success doesn’t seem to matter much. When you feel successful at something, even if it’s tiny, your confidence grows quickly, and your motivation increases to do that habit again and perform related behaviors. It’s called a success momentum.” (p.169)


As your healthy habit mentor, I help you go from TINY to TRANSFORMATIVE. If you’re new around here and you’re looking for the very basics of building a new habit, check out other episodes of this podcast, AND get access to the Transform Your Habits self-paced course that supports you in building your new habits.


If you’ve been here a while, you might be interested in booking a Clarity Call with me, to understand your next best steps and start taking action on your goals.


Or maybe you’re looking for community, accountability, and support with building momentum with your habits. Amazing, we have a virtual community of women in our Healthy Habit Membership. I host monthly workshops for this group and there is also weekly voxer support available 


And if you’re truly ready to up-level your life. If you want to dive deeper, remove the overwhelming blocks that keep you stuck and live a life by your design, then I would love to support you in creating this future of yours in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.


To get access to any and all of these offers, check out the show notes page of where you’re listening, or expand the description of this video for all the direct links. 

Questions? Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife or comment below this video!!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E234: The Fear of Success: How it Can Hold You Back and How to Overcome it with Olivia Gudaniec
 
 

E234: The Fear of Success: How it Can Hold You Back and How to Overcome it with Olivia Gudaniec

Olivia is an actress and content creator based out of Toronto. Acting has always been a part of her life but content creation began in 2016 when Olivia started her YouTube channel (oliviag.tv). To merge the two worlds, she started her YT channel by interviewing film industry professionals. That was her way of continuing to network within the Toronto film & TV industry while highlighting the wonderful behind the scenes talent.

Since then, she's appeared on show's such as the Umbrella Academy and Sex/Life on Netflix. In the last few years, she's opened up her own media company called Olivia G Media which specializes in UGC content creation. 

If you want to touch base with Olivia, you can find her on all platforms @OLIVIAGUDANIEC or find more info on her website at oliviagmedia.com


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Meet Olivia

[00:54] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I am joined by our very special guest. Olivia, thank you so much for being here on the podcast today.

Olivia Gudaniec: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I am joined by our very special guest. Olivia, thank you so much for being here on the podcast today. Thanks for having me. This is my first official podcast interview slash chat, so let's see what happens.

VL: That's so exciting. I'm, I'm so glad that I get to kind of move you into this podcast world and it actually surprises me that this is your first episode because you have your own.

Show where you had your own interview show on YouTube where you were interviewing a bunch of different people.  To me it's surprising that you're not on a podcast yet, but I know that you are very much in the video, film and performance type of world.  I guess those are two very different things.

OG: Yeah. And I'm also very selective where I put my energy. So I did feel that you are worth it. So that's why I'm here.

VL: Oh my goodness. Well I feel even more special. So thank you so much for that.  I would really love to dive into where you are now and how you got here, because I find your story very interesting and I know that the audience will love it.

So why don't you take it away?

Discovering a Hidden (Yet Common) Fear

[02:04] OG: Okay, so I've been doing a ton of spiritual work lately, a ton of self-help. I think we're both in the same vibe where we always wanna level up. And not too long ago, I had an epiphany where I was basing my job, my identity off my job. So whenever I was introducing myself, hi, I'm Olivia Gudaniec, I'm an actress.

 It was so closely tied, like it's just, There's nothing else that was coming out, and don't get me wrong, like I'm in an industry where I love it. So it was so easy to fall into the work, work, work. I was working during my lunches. I was working during my off days, and it was just like this cycle of constantly, I need to do more.

I need to show up. And then I was still feeling undervalued and underappreciated. So I think that ties into like a worthiness issue, which I still have to, you know, further deep dive into. But it's with TikTok that everything kind of started coming to the surface. So I wanted to get to the next level. My TikTok has been kind of blowing up.

I've took a bit of a pause right now because I just need to like reset and I realized that people are caring about what. Tips I have because that's the value, but I don't think that they're necessarily here for me. So if I switch topics, is anyone still gonna be there? So that I think, again, goes back into the worthiness.

 I have so many like lightbulb moments along the way, so our, I feel like the everything around me is reflecting how I feel inside. So what we believe is kind of like what we're expecting. That's what's showing up. So I was thinking that if I show up as my full self, is that enough to keep people's attention?

And I guess I didn't think that that's why I needed to teach. I needed to pull in that masculine energy and it kind of became a cycle of produce, shoot, batch. And I was on this like schedule, so right now I'm really trying to like balance it out with my feminine energy because that is not a good place to be in.

It did serve me well for the time being, but it's time to get into that next phase. Yeah, and I think that hard energy was making it, the masculine hard energy was making it hard for people to connect with me. This is all like, nobody's actually told me this. This is what I'm like thinking because I overanalyze everything.

And with all this craziness with work, it got to a point where I wasn't taking vacations because I was like, what if I go and I miss an opportunity? Because with acting, especially like you have to be here. Like somebody can call you tomorrow. Hey, our actor didn't show up. We need you. And I was just so scared of.

Yeah, missing that opportunity. Obviously my mindset has shifted now I've done the inner work, but if anyone is feeling like this, just know that when things fall through for you or like I've gone blank on auditions, it's because you are not ready for that next stage.  What I'm trying to say is when opportunities fall through, I believe it's because we are scared on some level of the next level. And a new concept that has kind of come into my world slash sphere is the fear of success. And everyone's probably either heard of it and like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're like, who's scared of achieving their dreams?

But it comes down to thinking about, I guess all the negative that could happen if you achieve it, so will you have to move away from home. That has been like one of my major things, like do I wanna leave my like close-knit community? Did you just move in with your partner or ready to start a family? And this would totally like just shake things up and you'll have to delay that or maybe not have that opportunity.

So the fear of success. If opportunities are not coming through, I want you to just look into that a bit because it's all there subconsciously, and I feel like once you work it out, you won't self sabotage. So that's kind of what I'm trying to say in that little atmosphere because it's really helped me.

Yeah, just tackle a few things and I will later share some actual steps. So I've done a lot of E F T tapping, and if you don't know what that is, it's emotional freedom technique where you tap on different points of the body. I have a YouTube video with my practitioner where we kind of explain it and just, it just helps calm the nervous system.

And I feel like by sharing my backstory and all these issues around my job, I was constantly in a fight or flight mode, and I didn't even realize it. I was just like, okay, more, more. And it's exhausting. And if I did get those big auditions that fell through. All I wanted at that point was a break. And this job will not give me one.

Navigating Energetic Balance in a Go-Go-Go World

[07:33] VL: Thank you so much for sharing all this, because I know that going through. This personal development and growth with this journey. There are a lot of pains throughout it and. I know this from personal experience and I also know this from working with different women who have gone through these light bulb moments, as you say, are these epiphanies where we are so caught up in what we do, that we sort of lose sight of who we are.

And when you're in this, like you talked about the masculine and feminine energy when we're in masculine all the time, The pendulum is gonna swing the other way at some point or another. And what's the thing that's gonna break that? What's the thing that's gonna interrupt your go, go, go energy?  It sounds like with you it was realizing that.

 The community that you had built or the audience that you had built, would they still recognize you, support you, acknowledge you know you if you didn't talk about all the things that you were doing? And as someone who is part of your community and your audience as someone who has seen you grow.

And I remember you started your TikTok journey where you were gonna post a video a day. I loved that. I felt very inspired by your work, but I was also a little bit intimidated because I'm thinking, how does she do all of the things? And of course it's easy for someone on the outside to look in and say, oh wow, she has accomplished all of these amazing things.

And she go, go, goes and  takes all this action. And I've heard it from other people to who said it to me before too, and.  Your heart breaks a little bit when you say, oh my gosh. Well, sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes it feels isolating, sometimes it feels like no one's listening. You know, you get it, you've been through it.

 To be able to share this backstory, I feel like is relatable for myself and I feel for the listener as well.  Again, thank you so much for that. And a couple of the things that you brought up, you know, the masculine energy, the going, the. Getting held back because you're not ready for that new level.

There are so many different things that are happening and being able to navigate through. That's quite incredible. And I think what's really beautiful about what you do and who you are as a person is that you love to try different things. Even when you know you're go, go, go, you don't stop and say, oh my goodness, I need to stop everything right now and halt.

It's like, how do I take better care of myself as I up level? How do I do the inner work? And you jump into things like spirituality and personal development and you, you recognize where your energy is best spent. And that is incredible because those boundaries, I feel a lot of women lack the boundaries.

 I would love to know a little bit more about how you go about which auditions you say yes to.  What's  going through your mind when you're signing a brand partnership, when you're invited to a podcast or an interview  how? Is it that you choose?  Is there a question you ask yourself?

Is there a feeling you tap into? What does, what does that boundary creating and maintaining process look like for you?

Olivia’s Process for Creating Boundaries and Honouring Excitement

[10:51] OG: Well, right now I'm trying to take responsibility for my wellbeing, first of all. So when I'm selecting things, my immediate answer is, it's either gotta be a heck yes or a heck no.  If my immediate is yes, And then after I find like, oh, maybe I'm not ready. Kind of like when we tried to do this a year ago.

I'm like, what am I gonna talk about? I really wanted to do it, but you know, life always comes in in the way, but this year I figured we set the date, I wanna do it. So I pushed away all of the, maybe there's gonna be another better time. So that's what kind of drew me here. And we've been connecting throughout the year too.

 I just feel like it's the right time and our energies match with auditions and brand deals. I think the last year was the first time I actually said no to some. I got offered a six month project doing a role, which would be huge for me, but it's, I didn't, I didn't wanna do it like, not because I would have to move away or anything.

I didn't. Something about it. I can't remember all the details now cause I blocked it out. Moving on to bigger and better. Right. But I, the character wasn't it, and to have to then, I don't know, it didn't feel right in the end. So without giving a 20 examples, I just said no. And I moved on. And now bigger deals are coming in more on the brand side and.

I, it is. What's funny is I've, now that I've stepped away from acting, everyone always says, let go. I didn't know how, because you have to show up in order to be considered. So now I've just like stopped pushing, like I'm not cold calling as much, and now actually things are coming to me. So it's really weird when that happens and everything's kind of falling into place.

But now my brand deals want the acting stuff related in there. And I don't really wanna talk about it right now. So it's kind of, it's very, very interesting to be in that process. So I wanted to talk about the art of letting go a little bit because if you're trying to let go of a job or relationship, a limiting belief, like even just to separate yourself a little bit, you have to find something, or at least I believe, to hold onto in the meantime.

Especially like people, whenever somebody breaks up with somebody, it's like, you gotta keep busy. You gotta keep your mind busy. Yes. But you have, I think you should do it on something you can control. So whether it's keeping busy by, for me would be creating content. Like I can control how much I produce, put out, whether it's sitting down to write a book.

Because if you're relying on somebody then to call you back for something that's. It's gonna cost some friction. So you just wanna trust the bigger picture of your life and that it's all gonna come full circle. And if things don't come to you or come to you, it's, it is meant for you. And I do believe that, and it may not make sense now, but it will later down the road.

And through all of this stuff, I discovered my love of fashion. So it's always been something I'm interested in, but I never really pursued it. And now that I could just relax on the acting front, I started to take some fashion courses and it's also helped me show up in a new way in my job because as an actor, like I don't really have a say in what I'm wearing.

I could be like pink or blue, I like this, but then they'll put me in whatever they want in the end. And now that I have the knowledge of what looks good on me, my undertones, I show up differently. To my auditions cuz I'm more conscious of color theory. It's just so fascinating. An industry that I thought would have nothing to do with acting is kind of like merging together.

So that's why I encourage anybody that kind of feels like icky energy about where they are in their job. Like what did you wanna do as a kid, maybe. Like, I'm not gonna be the next fashion designer. I mean, who knows? I'm just following the breadcrumbs. I am even taking an interior design course. Cause everyone's like, oh, your house is like pretty aesthetic.

I'm like, oh, I'm just picking and choosing. And so maybe if I fill in the knowledge gaps, like I always saw this as like scattered energy, but maybe there's just like one little lesson from that that I can take and I can move on. So that's how I'm taking it right now. I don't know if this is resonating with anybody, but if, yeah, just think about ads that come up for you.

Anything that's catching your eye and how you can kind of inject yourself in that world just a little bit. And if it turns into more, like right now I'm doing fashion courses like where they're lasting months, so like I'm really going full force into this. Yeah. And just. It's, it's an exciting part and I think I, I lost that excitement for my industry.

I think that's where I wanna tie this in a big loop. Like, you know, when you start something new, it's that beginner energy. And it's okay to, I'm not starting over, I'm still here. I just finding out what Olivia likes to do. Not Olivia, the actor, like Olivia, the person, the human being.

Actions to Take for Overcoming the Fear of Success Mindset

[15:38] VL: Yeah. I love that so much because when, especially I find in the acting community, you are stepping into all these different identities and so you don't become Olivia, you become the character, and maybe if.

You don't keep revisiting or reconnecting to Olivia the person, you know, it's easy to get lost along the way and to always be maybe like playing a part or showing up as what someone else, what the production company wants, what the director wants, what the script says, and not showing up as your own self.

So I can definitely see how that would be a challenging balance to create. I wanna touch. A little bit backwards on what you said about this fear of success and how you're working through that mindset. I love the actions that you're taking now in terms of finding out what excites you again and following the little breadcrumbs to the fashion industry and to the world of interior design.

I love these as. I think you said distract, like they kind of distract you or they're part of like what you can control, but really it's just try something different. Just start to get to know yourself. What do you love? What do you not love? And following those bits. But when it comes to the inner work, so that's what you're doing now with the, the fashion courses.

It's more of like that external work with the inner work and trying to figure out. Moving through those fears, that fear of success, the fear of moving away, some of the negative things that would come up. How are you, how are you doing this? What does that practice look like for you in that growth look like for you?

OG: For starters, I obviously made a list because I'm Type A and I went into my brain and I'm like, okay, let's work this out. And what I was scared mostly was how other people. Mainly like my relationship and my family, how they would react. And we obviously don't know, so you have to ask those people. So I asked my boyfriend, like, if I got a job in LA for two months, would you move with me?

And obviously if he said no, that would shake me to my core and I would have to do some other work. But he's like, maybe I wouldn't go for the two months, but I could come up every other weekend. And that was enough to calm me down. And same thing with my family, like whatever the worries are for you, you have to deal with answers they give you.

VL: You recognize that what, what you can control and what you cannot. And so if you're thinking, if I have to move away for two months, My whole life is gonna fall apart.

Well, that's a great idea. Ask the people in your life, Hey, would you move with me? What would you feel about this? Because then you actually know what their response might be or what maybe their thoughts are. So I think that's a really great idea, is actually just touching base with those people. And I think.

Or what I'm hearing for from a lot of what you're saying is a theme of you're checking in with yourself. When it comes to your boundaries. You're checking in with how it felt. The the list was not right for you, for that character, so you didn't do it. Same thing with the brand deals. As soon as you start stepping back and getting to know you more, invitations were coming your way.

And then again, you have this better connection with yourself, and so you're able to say yes or no. To those invitations, to those new opportunities. And that's a really incredible thing. And what's cool about what you're saying, cause I've seen this a lot, is that the hardest part is that letting go that grip.

On, on what you want or what you wanna control or what you're afraid of. And then as soon as you start loosening that grip, that's when like this space appears and this, there's this magic within that space. And so, yeah, that's a very practical thing to do is just connect with the people in your life about it.

That's awesome. And then in terms of you finding these other tools, we talked about the courses that you're taking, a little bit about the tapping that you're doing. Is there anything else that you've been doing? It sounds like a lot of self-care and taking care of you. What are some of the other things that you've been incorporating to help you connect more to you and get excited about life again?

Olivia’s List of Tools for Getting Excited About Life Again

OG: Yeah. Okay. So I've made a list so I don't forget anything. Obviously E F T, tapping, that has been a big shift in my life.

I guess overall epiphany from everything is energy, because at some point I was even comparing myself, like I can post the same content as, let's call her Olivia Jr. Here, and Olivia Junior can be taking off, and I'm here like, So I was like, what is the difference between these two people? And I think it, this Olivia, Jr.

Let's say, has a lightness about her, which allows her to connect with more people, which in turn turns into external validation. So there's like a, it's an energy that's why all the actionable steps that I'm taking now is in order for me to change my energy because. What I was doing was working to some extent, but I, I need a different vibe.

I need different opportunities now. Like I'm a new evolved person, right? So we talked about EF f t tapping. The next thing would be going to the gym. This was a healthy habit that I was trying to start for a long time. I had a call with you, Val about trying to incorporate it, and I told you that I think it was because my mom.

Wanted to get into it. So that was my like accountability buddy. And I also thought that people liked going to the gym and because I didn't like it, maybe the gym wasn't for me. I know this gym thing is like a whole process in my head and everyone's like, oh, but it's how it makes you feel after. But I don't think it resonated what that meant.

I'm like, yeah, you'll feel better. But what got me into the gym? It's obviously movement cuz my body needs it and I'm sitting at my computer a lot or doing lines or memorizing. But the main reason why I started going is to attract and change my energy. So what gets me off my butt, even after like a 16 hour day, even for five minutes, which Olivia would never do in 2022, is like if I work out, I can change the energy for tomorrow.

Maybe some. It's, it's, it's another way to attract opportunities without pushing for it. Like without creating more content, without physically, like I'm showing, I'm showing up, but for myself instead of for somebody else. Ooh, that was a good one. That was a good one. And the quote that always comes to my brain, I think it's Thomas Jefferson.

I could be wrong. If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done. Not that I never went to the gym before or moved my body, but I really didn't wanna go. Like, there are more productive ways to use my time. And that was my thinking for a while. Like, I can, I can walk and that's enough, but it, it's, it's different and it has been showing up in positive ways in my life.

So I'm gonna keep doing that between that and EFT next. I've mentioned this to you before, but it's just changing my routine. People like us as humans, we do not like change me for starters. So what can I do in my life on the daily that will help me just like relax when change comes? So sometimes I brush my teeth with my left hand instead of my right.

Like these are such little things, but I do them enough that it switches again. We're just switching up the energy. Seeing what's coming. We're just playing, we're building new neurons in our brain. Like I'm just trying to be somebody new, the better version of myself. What else have I done? Sometimes I wear mismatched socks because that would drive me crazy, know?

So I'm just, I'm just experimenting. On my terms. And last but not least, I haven't tried hypnosis, but it's come up enough times that I want to try it. And I left a resource with you, Val, so you can look into it. I was gonna actually do a session yesterday, but the day kind of got away from me. So if that is something that is calling to you, I would just suggest you guys YouTube it, google it, TikTok it, whatever you do.

Because I'm open to it. Maybe that'll, maybe that's what's required next at this stage. I don't know, but I wanted to bring it up in case it's in your little bubble for you to take that next leap. Have you ever tried hypnosis Val?

Decoding the Messages and Clues from the Universe

[23:40] VL: I have not, but as you're saying it, it's reminding me of how. There are so many different clues in our life or in our conversations, in our every day of the things we maybe should do.

Like I've heard about acupuncture for I, I mean, I know about acupuncture, but I've had several conversations just this week about acupuncture, and I'm thinking, do I need to try that? Is this why this keeps coming up in my life? Just like you said, look at what you're drawn to or the ads that you're getting or what you wanted to do as a kid.

Like those are the things that. Those are little messages or little clues. I know you like the 1111. You always post about that. Oh, that was gonna be another one. Oh, okay. Yeah, these are great. Keep going.

OG: Okay. So you didn't actually write down angel numbers, but I'm a huge advocate for them. And it kind of just makes me feel like I'm on the right track. So 11, 11, I make a wish. If you see one 11 sign of changes, you see 4 44 something else, 8 88. I just Google it in when I see like numbers that consistently pop up and I take it asides from the universe that I'm on the right track or I need to slow down or is just essentially affirmations.

And also, I didn't write this down, but I think. This year in itself, I've been manifesting in a different way. Like every night before bed I, okay, maybe eight days outta 10, I do this. Sometimes I forget. I write down what I wish my life was and I write it in the past tense. So I am so glad that today I got offered a $10,000 brand partnership.

I had to hire two people to help me. I'm fine. Everything's under control. The client loves it, and I kind of just bring it into my, into my universe. So if that's something you haven't tried and are willing to try it, even for like seven or 30 days with TH's Healthy Habits Challenge, I encourage you to do that because once again, we wanna attract that energy something new.

And I feel like when you start thinking about it, you kind of start maybe expecting it. Like I started. Obviously we all wanna grow our businesses. I'm like, I, I wanna hire some people. Who would I hire if I had the team right now? And so I start pulling up all of these contacts and then I did get a brand partnerships and I needed to contact them.

So I don't know if that would've happened before or if it would have, I probably would have gone into that panic mode because I wouldn't have been ready, and maybe I would've self-sabotaged, but I was ready for it. So just throwing that out there. So overall, I wanna just end with that. This is energy. I wanna leave you guys with the little exercise that I heard on another podcast, which obviously I can't remember right now.

So go through TikTok or whatever social media platform you have, cover up the likes and scroll. See after you watch a video, see if you think that's a viral video, just by the person's energy. So I tried this out the other day. I think I got like, let's say 50%, like half of them like, oh yeah, she must be doing well.

And she had like 10,000 likes. Whereas the other girl had, I mean, this is all vanity metrics, but it's interesting to see why some people blow up and others don't, and that was just like a, That was a fun little exercise and lean into your feminine energy. Like good things can still come. It's okay to change direction because it could still play into where you are now in a better way.

And what else can I leave you guys with?

Just, yeah, your subconscious is here to keep you safe, not happy.

VL: Interesting.

OG: Does that make sense?

VL: Yeah, it does.

OG: You’ll prioritize your safety over your happiness

VL: and safety. A lot of the times in the sense is staying exactly where you are, because this is what it knows and you are quote unquote comfortable here, even if you aren't. Yeah.

Mind-Blowing Manifesting Results

[27:44] OG: and safety. A lot of the times in the sense is staying exactly where you are, because this is what it knows and you are quote unquote comfortable here, even if you aren't.

Yeah. Yeah.  

It's the end of the month. And just from incorporating all these new self care tactics, First of all, the goal is to just reduce your stress and anxiety and tune into you. That's why I'm doing this stuff. And the second thing is that just by playing around with this energy, and keep in mind for two weeks of January, I was also on vacation.

So I, I was in this like appreciation state. I've already hit the highest financial. Goal that I could, that I've ever had in January, and none of it came from acting. So that is like, I can't even speak like how crazy that I held onto this dream, which I'm not giving up on, but I just relaxed a bit and money's still coming, just not from that.

So I guess that's just your reminder that just to be open, open, change the energy. That's the whole message of this podcast.

VL: That is so exciting. Congratulations. Amazing. Amazing. So before we get into our rapid fire round, where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we support you through this journey that you're on?

YouTube: https://oliviag.tv 

Website www.oliviagmedia.com 

Tiktok https://tiktok.com/@oliviagudaniec 

Instagram https://instagram.com/oliviagudaniec

Rapid Fire Round

[29:26] VL: Okay My dear, we are in the rapid fire round, four questions. Are you ready?

OG: mm… Okay.

VL: What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

OG: Not currently reading anything. Not gonna lie. I do a lot of audio books.

The last thing I listened to, I just pulled it up, was the Big Leap. But otherwise, it's a book that Val recommended and I can't remember the title.

VL: Yes, I remember that one. It's called What to Say When You Talk to Yourself and the Big Leap is also amazing. A few people are listening and, and reading that.

I love the audio book version of The Big Leap too. It's so good. Question number two is what does empowerment mean to you?

OG: Trying things when. You may not be certain of how it will go.

VL: Question number three, what is your longest standing habit?

OG: Flossing. Never miss a day.

VL: Love it. And the last question is, what are you currently working toward?

OG: I guess the gym is a new aspect, so as keeping that consistent and not getting comfortable with all the new changes and leaving that behind.

VL: Love these answers. Olivia, thank you so much for sharing so openly about the very up and down journey that you're on and the experiences that you're having. Like I said, it's really relatable. It's really interesting to hear from you in this way because as someone who follows you and have, have known you for before this, I guess beginning of the transformation.

It's interesting to see how you're evolving and I'm very excited for these next few these next few months for you. It seems like things are moving a little bit quicker, but in a new way, and it's all very exciting. I'm so happy to hear that you're embracing it and I just love being a part of it.

So thank you again so much for being on the show.

OG: Thanks for having me, Val. And yeah, let's stay positive. Let's keep the energy flowing and I hope. Like the message still got through, even though I do. I am a multi-passionate creative, so I'm scattered a lot of the times, but I come with good vibes.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles and Staying on Track
 
 

E229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles and Staying on Track

While I always aim to make building better habits, and breaking bad habits fun, I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. And the truth is, there will be obstacles along your journey to creating your dream life.

There will be times when you question your efforts, when you want to give up, when you misstep or fall into old patterns. However there is another truth I want to share with you – and this is something I tell ALL of my students or clients when they’re learning a new skill: it doesn’t get easier, you get better at it…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

While there are many obstacles that arise when making healthy habits, or breaking bad ones, there are nine I see the most frequently as a Healthy Habit Mentor. I’d love to know, when it comes to creating new habits or breaking old ones, where do you get stuck?


Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife!


Perhaps your obstacles falls into one of these nine common ones, or maybe yours is completely unique! Let’s find out! 


Before we dive into the details, I do want to mention that every single person out there experiences some sort of set back or speed bump when they’re doing something new, making a change in their lives or learning a new skill. And that’s what habit-formation is, it’s a SKILL to be able to craft behaviours. Plus, each one of us is very different, and the habits we want to implement are different too, trial and error is expected in the process.


Being in the business of helping people craft their new behaviours, and empowering women and their lifestyles, I follow and see what other people in the industry are doing. There are a lot of great coaches and creators out there who have the right intentions but they don’t always have the right strategy. 


[02:15] Obstacle #1: Lack of Motivation

People are out there preaching about “motivation” and listen, I want you to feel inspired and motivated also, but this isn’t long-lasting. Typically, motivation is what gets you going, but we learn very quickly that it’s not sustainable.


The chances are if you’re listening to this podcast, or watching this YouTube channel, you already want to make a change – you already want to implement your new behaviours and routines. I feel that it’s safe to assume you’re already motivated to START.


So focus on what is going to keep you in action, and continue to make progress. What is that? It’s YOUR WHY!? It’s your reason for making a change in the first place. WHY do you want to eat healthier? WHY do you want to start your own business? WHY do you want to get 8 hours of sleep every night? WHY do you want to read daily? 


If you’ve ever worked with me before, you’ll know that we always start with your feeling word. I always ask you, how do you want to feel? And the answer to this question becomes the foundation of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because – as I mentioned at the very beginning of this episode – there WILL be obstacles, and our feeling word is what we can anchor into, what we can come back to, even if we can’t or don’t do the habit that day.


For example, you want to feel Peaceful, so you create a daily meditation ritual. The new habit is to meditate every day for 10 minutes. As you’re practicing this habit, you notice there are other moments or scenarios where you feel “peaceful,” such as when you’re taking a shower at the end of the day, or when you’re making your favourite dinner, or reading a great book. And then one day, you don’t have a chance to do your meditation habit BUT you were able to find a moment of peace on your lunch break when you took your lunch outside and sat in the sun while you ate. Missing a day of your habit can really put you off track if you don’t have a solid foundation – however YOU DO Have a strong foundation, and you count the day as a small win for still feeling peaceful.


These smaller steps, or tiny wins can really help you build momentum in your habits. Celebrate each of these wins, and incentivise yourself along your journey.  


How can you celebrate a week-long streak of doing your habit every day? Or how can you treat yourself at the end of the month of being consistent? This helps too!


[05:11] Obstacle #2:Lack of Knowledge

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, everyone – including you – is unique and this also means that there isn’t always a one-size fits all approach to starting healthy habits, or breaking bad ones. Are there proven methods to building habits? Absolutely. Heaps! But not knowing which ones are going to support you can be confusing and frustrating. 


It’s worth it to educate yourself about the healthy habit that you want to start, or the bad habit you want to break. I have an awesome list of book recommendations and their complementing podcast episodes if you want the book report/coles notes version.


If you’re not into reading, that’s okay – I’ve read most of these books already and the podcast episodes are essentially my take and what I thought were the biggest takeaways and key points. We’ve got a lot of awesome podcast episodes here, with tons of valuable teachings.


PLUS! Insider Tip: The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge that I run is being turned into a self-paced course that I am SUPER EXCITED ABOUT. At the time of this podcast publishing it is not ready YET but it will be out in May 2023, so if you’re stumbling upon this episode after that, you can access the course which has mirco lessons (1-2 minute lessons) that help you develop the skills to create a new habit. This will be available at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 


[06:55] Obstacle #3 Lack of Support

I’m incredibly excited about this new version of the Healthy Habits Challenge because it allows you to receive the support you need ANYTIME, not just when the challenge is running. Speaking of support. Another common obstacle for breaking bad habits or making new habits is Lack of support.


It can be challenging to make changes without support from family, friends, or a community. I’ve experienced it myself many times. You outgrow friends and partners. You want different things and a lot of the time when you’re improving yourself, and the people around you aren’t interested in that, sometimes they want to keep you down. They want to hold you back from that growth because they just are NOT ready for that. And straight up, that sucks. It can make the process feel harder and I would definitely encourage investing in a coach, or finding a new community to connect with. 


That’s not always the case though. A lot of the women I’ve worked with have said that being able to share their goals with their partner, friends, and family has helped them in staying accountable and getting extra encouragement and support from their community. It’s worth mentioning your goals to your people, you might inspire them to make their own healthy changes.


[08:24] Obstacle #4: Stress

One of the main reasons why we have bad habits is because they’ve been birthed out of the need to respond to stress. For instance, biting nails, doom scrolling socials, eating a lot of sugar, etc. I’m sure you can list a few examples of how you’ve coped with stress in the past – or perhaps in the present?


When I asked the audience, “when it comes to your habits, where do you get stuck?” One of our community members, Emilia, replied, “When stress pulls me back into bad habits - especially the thought ‘I deserve this fun thing.’”


There is SO MUCH to unpack in this one sentence, and if you can relate to Emilia, I highly recommend booking a Clarity Call with me to clarify your next steps. Go to valerielavignelife.com/clarity to schedule that.


But I do want to highlight something from what Emilia shared, and it’s this dual relationship with the “bad habit” that keeps us stuck in a vicious cycle. From working with Emilia, I know that the “fun thing” she’s referring to is sugar! Emilia wants to eat less sugar, this is her “bad habit” but the problem is that she also thinks of sugar as a “fun thing” and our minds think fun = good. So there is this duality of fun and bad, and she is trapped in this cycle of breaking a bad habit, but deserving fun. Which, undoubtedly causes more stress.


If you are someone who can recognize the stress in your life, mind, and body, then I would encourage you to consider practices and rituals that help with stress-management. Especially tiny habits that you can do daily. For example: taking three (or more) mindful breaths every morning and every night, having a designated no tech time, going outside for some fresh air and sunshine, going to bed at the same time every night, daily movement etc. 


The problem with stress is that we’re always going to have some sort of stress in our lives, and if we don’t address it, our physical body will start responding to it and eventually the body will MAKE US have to pay attention to it.


[11:42] Obstacle #5: Fear of Failure

Some of the women I work with are entrepreneurs and business owners. These women are incredibly talented leaders and yet they often come up against a common barrier: the fear of failure.


While I tend to witness this with women who are earlier in their business, as we elevate, we have new barriers to overcome, and they often have this same underlying fear.


Heck, I’ve been there! I have definitely held myself back because I didn’t want to fail or fall flat on my face. And as someone who has blazed a few trails, I can tell you that I have definitely tripped, fallen, and made mistakes. But I always get back up. And now, not always, but sometimes I do feel excited to leap and trip and get back up. 


There are two quotes I think of when a client is struggling with this obstacle and they’re completely frozen in the fear of failure. The first quote is, “But what if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly?” It's almost like I can feel the wind under my wings when I’m reminded of this quote. Like new life has been breathed into me!


The other quote is by Henry Ford who said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” And when I hear that quote, I think to myself: well I better shift my mindset to I CAN then. I think of all the times I’ve worked with people who said “I can’t do that” but HOW DO YOU KNOW? How do you know unless you try? Don’t let anyone hold you back ESPECIALLY NOT YOURSELF!


The likelihood of your habit becoming automatic overnight is low. Remember that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of the process, and we can learn from our failures along the way. Track your tiny habits and watch how your progress (even if it’s small), helps to keep the wind in your sails, and help build your momentum. 


But you’ve got to start. Just start.


[14:06] Obstacle #6: Lack of Time 

And before you say “I don’t have time” – I know. I’ve heard it before, and I’ve said it before. The truth is we DO have time, we aren’t prioritizing that time well. 


This obstacle reminds me of another quote or parable that goes: “Everyone should meditate for two minutes a day. If you don’t have two minutes, then you should meditate for two hours.” hahaha makes me giggle. What a slap in the face. 


What gets scheduled, is what gets done. If you want to change your behaviours, put them into your calendar. Make them part of your routine, yes even the two-minute rituals. If they’re not fitting into your life, how do you expect to do them? How do you expect to achieve results?


[15:17] Obstacle #7: Temptations + Triggers

The struggle is real when it comes to breaking bad habits, because once a habit has been formed, it’s unlikely to be forgotten. When it comes to the obstacle of temptation, it’s easier to avoid temptation than to resist it. SO… what is the temptation of the bad habit, and how can you avoid it? 


Are you working on breaking your no sugar after dinner habit? How can you mix up your evening routine so that your ice cream is invisible? Here’s a pro tip: your ice cream might be tucked away in the basement freezer now, but what about the cue or trigger that tells you “it’s time for ice cream!”? Does sitting on the couch to watch a show prompt you to get out the ice cream scooper? What behaviours can you change that are related to the CUE of the habit you’re trying to break? Start there.


[16:16] Obstacle #8: Lack of Consistency

When I asked our instagram community what their biggest struggle was with making and breaking habits, Candice admitted that consistency – or lack thereof – was where she struggled most.


Consistency is an essential part of habit-formation, especially when you’re starting something new. With inconsistency, it can be tough to see the progress you’re making and the momentum is a lot slower without consistency. 


This obstacle is where I encourage my clients to pull out all the bells and whistles – literally. Set timers, alarms, reminders, triggers, and cues in your environment to prompt your new habit/behaviour. 


Mark the calendar, or tracker every time you complete the action. Ramp up check-ins with your accountability partner, hire a coach, build out an attainable plan, and/or scale back before you grow the habit. 


The go-big-or-go-home method is trash, and tiny steps forward over time will bring you closer to your goals faster. Take it from a Healthy Habit Mentor, no one goes big and makes it to the finish line, you’ve got to start small and then allow the habit to grow or multiply. 


[17:36] Obstacle #9: Unrealistic Expectations

Speaking of going big or going home, this actually brings me to the last obstacle I want to share which is, unrealistic expectations.


I see this the most with clients who set out for big goals and new behaviours. Like reading 10 pages a day, or waking up 2 hours earlier than they do now, or writing a book by next week.


These unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, making it more challenging to stick to healthy habits or break bad ones. It’s a vicious cycle of going around and around without learning the lessons. We can’t keep doing the same things over and over again and expect a different result. Some would call that insanity.


So what can we do? 


  • Set realistic goals and expectations

  • Remember that change takes time, and that there will be ups and downs throughout the journey

  • Celebrate the progress after each step, and along the way

  • Build the foundation of your new behaviours, routines, and rituals and grow them from there



Another community member, Jana, shared “I want the instant results! And if I’m not getting them, I’m over it.” When I’m working with a client who feels this same way, we scale back BIG TIME. We make the habit as tiny as possible and we really highlight the celebration/reward at the end of that tiny habit. Completing small actions, and achieving these small wins over and over again is going to level-up Jana’s confidence and we can really build our habit from there making the goal bigger as our confidence and ability grow.


Which of these obstacles really hit home for you? How will you show up for yourself in your new habits, or how will you overcome the obstacles of your bad habits?


Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or share with me in a DM on instagram @vallavignelife


If you love this show, please subscribe wherever you’re consuming, and let’s do this again next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E228: Women & Wealth: Creating a Holistic Financial Plan in your 20s, 30s and 40s with Lisa-Marie Winning
 
 

E228: Women & Wealth: Creating a Holistic Financial Plan in your 20s, 30s and 40s with Lisa-Marie Winning

Lisa-Marie & her team specialize in holistic financial planning for those planning for retirement, those who are recently retired and those who have a growing business. They take a tailored approach with each client to develop a plan that is built specifically for them…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Valerie LaVigne: Lisa-Marie and her team specialize in holistic financial planning for those planning retirement. Those who are recently retired and those who have a growing business. They take a tailored approach with each client to develop a plan that is built specifically for them. Join me in welcoming Lisa-Marie Winning to the show.

 Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce this special guest of our podcast today. This is Lisa Marie winning of Winning and Associates, and we are talking all about wealth today. So thank you, Lisa Marie, thank you so much for being here. This has been a long overdue conversation, but hey, we're finally doing.

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I am so excited to be here. I have always hoped that you had asked me to be on this, so I feel very special and very welcome today.  I love it. I feel like everything in its divine timing. Why don't we start with a little bit about who you are and what you do, and who you serve.

 I am a holistic financial planner, and what that means is I help individuals, I help families, and I help business owners put together a roadmap that outlines and help. I help them to define what their goals are that. Like the timeframes that they want to achieve those goals in. And then I take a look at the big picture, the way that, you know, they earn their income what their habits are you know, the, the milestone moments that they have ahead.

And, and I put together a written plan, like a roadmap for them that outlines the very best way for them to work towards achieving their goals. And I think, you know, what is most important about that type of planning? It's important to remember, it's very dynamic. Our lives change and our, you know, our goals change, our families change, they grow.

And so a holistic financial plan is a dynamic document. So my, my job is to, you know, essentially be in a relationship with my clients and be there with them to constantly, you know, assist in updating that plan as they move through their life.

Valerie LaVigne:  I love that. And full disclosure, Lisa Marie is my financial advisor, and I really do feel comfortable talking about all of this with you.

I feel like you do listen and there is this hand holding and there's this reassurance, but there's also this excitement for. What I wanna do with my goals or how I wanna see my future, and you make it feel possible to get there even when it feels really far away. So I just wanted to acknowledge you for that because I really appreciate that in our relationship.

And I know that oftentimes money can be this taboo conversation. And so I really admire the this holistic financial plan or this holistic approach to the finances and how you do that. And. Can you tell us a little bit more, like maybe break down that dynamicism, is that a word? The dynamics of your holistic financial plan?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Well, I think you made a very good point and, and I would say it's cultural. Like in Canada talking about money has always been taboo. If you go back, you know, generations, it's, we were always taught not, not to talk about money, not to ask about money is very private and I think what happens is it. It becomes part of your nature.

And so it translates to being afraid to ask questions or feeling like you haven't done all the right things yet. So you might be judged if you reach out and, and, you know, try to seek advice. So it, it's, maybe that's where I'd like to start and just to say like, think. It's, we have to change that.

That's, we have to unwind that culture and we have to make it a comfortable environment. We have to make people, you know, look forward to those types of conversations and learning and improving financial literacy, because the earlier you do that and the, the more comfortable you are being open and working with, you know, with professionals.

Professional advice. I can tell you I see it. It's those clients, the earlier they start and the more that they wanna learn. And most important. To be able to be open to taking advice. They're the ones that get, that, achieve those goals on track. They, they are further ahead when I look at them 10 years later, 15 years later.

And so I think that, you know, I always open my conversations up with, with new clients to say, let's just talk. Let's get to know each other. Let's take all the guards down and it's full transparency and let them. Anything they want, they wanna know about me personally, they wanna understand what the process looks like, what does it cost?

Let's, let's get it all out on the open in that  first conversation. And then it's. Really the, the end of it, the feedback I get is, ugh, I'm so relieved and I'm so excited because it's kind of taken all that pressure and that anxiety and removed it and, you know, created this, this environment to be able to move forward and achieve really exciting things.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah, I think you made a lot of great points with people being. I think the nervousness or the resistance comes from not knowing and not having that information and not having that financial literacy. And so when we don't know about something, we start to fill in the gaps with what we think or what we've heard or, you know, just make up a story and, and really you're just getting tied up with the fears of it.

So I guess one of my questions for you is what are some of those common misconceptions that we can maybe. Say that they're myths or how can we rewrite the, that mental block or that mindset block of it?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Well, definitely I would say there is a financial advisor or financial planner out there for everyone.

There are advisors who love working with. Young individuals, young entrepreneurs you know, people who are maybe close in age to those younger advisors. And I think that's important to remember is like you wanna work with somebody who has had. Similar experiences to you who has kind of, that is going to grow with you?

And so, you know, one of the biggest misconceptions is I don't have any money yet. And so I should just avoid seeking advice altogether until I have some, and I, I disagree. I think that, It's just a matter of finding the right advisor who specializes in working with individuals who are, you know, excited to start that process.

You know, for us where, where we have those types of relationships in our practice are with our, our clients' children. They're coming of age, they're graduating, and you know, It's, they, maybe they don't wanna take advice from their parents because they're still, you know, that the family dynamic still exists.

And so, you know, I have someone on our team that specializes, he's younger than me. He's, you know, on, you know, just started a young family but has all the credentials and the experience to be able to work with. With younger people and they feel comfortable with him because they can relate. And so that would be  misconception number one is thinking.

It's not the right time to start. There's nobody ever that has ever looked back and said, Ugh, I started way too early. That's, you know, and I think you and I talk about that too, is, you know, you were really young when we started to work together, but we had like this milestone conversation about a big goal that you had that you achieved way earlier than.

We initially planned. And, and that's, I think that's a testament to setting your goals, sharing them with someone, and creating good habits to be able to, you know, expedite the, the, the path to achieve them.

Valerie LaVigne:  Totally. I have like a little bit teary-eyed because it's so true. I know. I'm like, what? We're talking about money and I'm getting emotional.

It's so true. Like I didn't even realize how young I was. I was just a baby and. It was really scary, but like I didn't have anyone to really talk to and I def, I certainly wasn't gonna be talking to my parents about it. But yeah, that's really cool. And even just to look back now and think like, oh my gosh, yeah, I did take that leap.

And even though it was scary and I remember that conversation with you was super intimidating, but it was also really helpful. And I mean, look where we are now, right? And, and. Definitely reaching those goals. It feels so good and to know that there is a plan and there is a path, and there are things I can do today to help me for that tomorrow.

I love that. I love what you said. I'm like, no one said, oh, I, I started too early.  

Lisa-Marie Winning:Exactly.  

Valerie LaVigne: Of course stuff no one says. Yeah, I mean, that's a huge misconception. I feel like that's a great way to start is just go in. You know, meet different people in the, the industry and see who you connect with and start from there.

When it comes to those, maybe it's not misconceptions, but maybe it's more like mistakes or you know, things we wish we did differently as women. When it comes to money management, when it comes to financial decisions, what are some of the things you see maybe like over the decade, so beyond twenties and beyond?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  So this is a very interesting one,  this is my 27th year in my profession, so I have almost three decades to be able to go back and look at the evolution. And what I can tell you is that right off the bat, my, my top 10 biggest clients, a disproportionate number of them are female. And I think that's really interesting because 30 years ago or 27 years ago, that was not the case at all.

And so I think what I'd like to see more of, now that I know that that's, and, and that's, that's a, that's happening in our society, right? Over 80% of households, the female is the primary decision maker. Not to say that they're the so decision maker, but they're you. They're actively involved in doing a lot of the research and have taken on that role and that responsibility within a household.

So I would say for younger women you know, I'd like to see that, you know, you wanna, you wanna see them kind of follow that same path. So I would say one of the biggest mistakes is not getting involved. So even though when I look at, you know, my, those, those females I was chatting with, now I. If they are a business owner or if they are in a partnership the other person is in, has been involved.

But you know, the, and, and part of the process. But generally speaking, there's somebody who takes them more interest in it. The one that responds, sets the meetings, does the follow up. So I would say if you are in a relationship or you're in a partnership, like getting involved, being aware, feeling comfortable, maybe you're not the driver, but you know, you want to be able to work with somebody who you feel that at any moment you can pick up the phone and ask a question that you feel comfortable in the room, that you're included in the conversation, included in the process.

And then once you've done that and you've established that relationship and there's a good fit, you don't have to be. Like I said, you don't have to be the lead in that, in that relationship with your advisor, but it's important that from the very beginning you are part of that process. I never if I'm working with a couple, I would never go through the process of putting a financial plan together unless both parties were there because those, those individuals.

They're, they're not making, that, they're not, they're not individuals when those decisions are going to be executed. And when they're gonna reach those milestone moments, they're doing that together. And so if one person's beliefs and views and kind of thought process on how something should go, if they're the one that's driving like the, the financial plan and the other person's not present.

It never works out. We ultimately have to kind of reconvene, start all over again and build something that's con conducive to the both of them. Once that plan's in place. It's really simple. There's, it's not time consuming after we've done that. So I would say that's, that's something that I, I really strongly encourage is make sure that you're involved in the very beginning, even though you might not be interested or be the kinda leader in, in in that relat.

And I say relationship, not in like the couple relationship in the relationship with the advisor.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. It's a great, it's a great place like we were saying to start, but then also to move forward from there. Now when  I think of where I was when we met, There was student debt, there was maybe a lack of clarity.

And then now kind of moving into my thirties, now I have different goals and, you know, I have a little bit more of a plan in place. I've reached some of the, the past goals I am now building on top of those. My question is for people who are either still in debt or trying to save for their future, while building a family, while trying to buy a home, how is, how can we manage all these things?

How can we do it all where we're thinking of our present, focusing on the present, the future, and then also maybe dealing with the past as well?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: That's a really good question, and it's actually so timely to be able to talk about this because I think the most important answer to that is, It's not a one size fits all answer, and it's not a one answer for all of time.

So three years ago when we were at historically low interest rates And low inflation. I would say that was an opportune time and we've had, that was, you know, long stretch of, you know, low interest rates, low inflation, strong markets a good labor market, so lots of job security that, that was a, we experienced that for a very long time in Canada.

That's the type of timing where you really can tick a lot of box. You can pay down debt you can have money left over for savings. You can manage your cash flow effectively. And so in an environment like that, I'm gonna help someone kind of look at all the, you know, all those boxes and say, okay, if we're working with X number of dollars each month, here's how we should allocate.

And you, you can't accomplish more in the, in that type of environment. But here we are sitting, you know, the first quarter of 2023. We, you know, although inflation is steadily declining, it's still very high relative to where it has been, which. As a result of the some of the measures that were put in place to look after people during the, the pandemic.

Interest rates are, you know, much higher than we've seen in many people's lifetime. Not everyone, but some of the younger people that are gonna be listening to this definitely haven't lived through interest rates at the levels that they're at right now. And again, that's, you know, kind of unwinding some of the support that was in place for 2020, 2021.

That's where you really have to go back and revisit that, you know how that pie is allocated. And so if you have that same, you know, amount of money each month, I'm now changing the recommendation as to how to distribute it. Because let's say it was, if you, you know, want to focus on paying down debt and saving too, like really simple, like I'm, I'm oversimplifying it now.

We may have split. Those dollars up equally three years ago. But for the time being for 2022, 2023, and probably into 2024, I'm going to wanna shift more dollars towards debt reduction if that debt is tied to floating interest rates, or if you've taken on debt since interest rates have been higher.

Because if you don't make that adjustment, you're probably not like most of that money. It's just going towards interest and it's almost wasted. You're not paying down the principles. So I think it's important, and I came back to that point about it being dynamic. Your environment that you're in is going to, you know, dictate some of the decisions that have to be made.

So you can't just have a set it in, forget it approach. You really have to have, you know, circle back when your advisor reaches out for that meeting. Take the meeting, have the conversation and you know, you know, take the advice and make those tweaks because you will be further ahead and. I expect we'll see interest rates at the end of 2024, much lower than they are now again.

So that's when I'm gonna reach out to those clients, say, let's come back to the table and let's realign our goals and how we're making those allocations. And, and you know, if you do that, you, when we look at the outcome by making those adjustments over time we're gonna be further ahead when things normalize.

 Valerie LaVigne: Hmm. So interesting, and this is one of the reasons why I love that we have this relationship because I don't know anything about all of this changing stuff that's happening, so I'm so glad that you can reach out to me.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: But that's why having an advisor like advice, right?  You know, when I need legal advice, I don't just go online and try to come up with that myself.

There are people who are professionals educated, who have the, you know, gone to school. Of course, I'm gonna reach out and have, you know, and seek that advice and, you know, I will be better off in the long run. It's no different when it comes to financial planning. And it's unfortunate because that's, this is one of the topics that I feel like everybody feels.

There's always an expert somewhere that is almost like a self-made expert or you get little glimpses of like commercials on television and they're eyecatching and we spend a lot of time when we're bringing clients into the practice, almost unwinding some of those bad habits or unwinding a lot of those misconceptions that you get in those like headlines or like tidbits of information.

And kind of going back to the basics and, and, you know, reeducating so that they feel comfortable. Taking that advice and making those adjustments.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. I see this all the time on Instagram and TikTok, where it's like, you know this really enthusiastic person behind the camera explaining how you need to do this or you need to do that and the market is changing and this is this, but then I also don't even know where this person is located.

Is this relevant to the market that I'm in or the market that I'm investing in? I don't know. And it was a 15 second video. How much can you really understand? And there's no opportunity to ask questions or open to dialogue. So really having. An actual expert to talk to is really helpful. And some of the things you mentioned make me think of, you know, different milestones in our lives.

So speaking to that holistic financial plan, you know, when are we drawing up that plan? How often are we revisiting it? Maybe it's the market, but are there other times in our life when we wanna be doing that?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Yes, definitely. So I'll start by. And I'm, I hope that this continues to improve. But right now most people have this like aha moment or like a light bulb goes off.

And I would say I was to categories that I would say like between 35 and 45. And they wake up one day and they have a job and they maybe have some savings programs through their employer and maybe they put some money aside because they were. Like open an account online, you know, maybe they're in a relationship or maybe they're married, or maybe they've had a child and they all of a sudden wake up and say, oh my gosh, like I, I, I've done some stuff.

I've ticked some of those boxes, but I don't know if I've made all the right decisions. So right now I'm seeing it, it's kind of in that 10 year age bracket. Again, I hope that to, to our point that earlier that you start this, the better. But those, there's a lot of milestones that happen in your thirties and forties.

And so your plan, you know, the plan that you built so that we built together, your life circumstances look very different now than they did then. And so we, you know, we review that plan every single year and in a lot of cases, It is status quo and maybe some tax laws have changed, or you know, maybe some things happen with a job and there's a little bit more cash flow, and so we make some minor tweaks, but the major milestones as you're moving through your thirties and your forties and your fifties really have to do with your job or your business if you're a business owner and how that's growing.

And whether or not we need to, you know, look at the structure of your business or how you're paying yourself. And then from a family perspective, it's are you entering into a relationship? Are you co-mingling assets with someone else? Are you having children or adopting children? And what are your goals?

For your family. And so those, you know, there's like a kind of 20, 25 year period where the material changes are at their highest. That's when you're kind of moving and shaking and, and you've got people to, that you're caring for and looking after. So I would say that I see a lot of material changes being required.

Annually when we update those plans during that time period. And then it does, it does slow down a little bit because we've been kind of ramping up, you know, with take care of children, educate children, get ready for retirement, and then you kind of get to this place where, you know, children are taken care of.

You've probably got five to 10 years left of your max income earning potential, where we're really focusing on just that one goal, which is retirement. And then you get there, you get to enjoy it, you get to. Become a spender again. You've accumulated and now you get to spend, and then you kind of transition into another stage where you might be a caregiver again, aging parents.

And so there's some lulls where I would say there's not that many material changes and it's just minor tweaks here and there, but there are some kind of peaks where it is important. To stay on top of this, to not put that financial plan in a drawer, so to speak. They're, they're digital obviously now, but you know, you, you gotta work it and you gotta work that plan and it, and, you know, ensure that it stays on pace with the way that your life is evolving.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah, absolutely. And again, I just like, I keep listening and thinking, oh my God, thank God I have you in my life, because it's not my area of expertise. Although that the one year mark goes by really quickly, the milestone comes up really fast, like, I'm already 32. And again, I just, I didn't even realize how long ago it was that we met, that we were having that original conversation and how much has changed and 10 years seems like a long time, and then it doesn't at the same time.

It goes by actually really quickly. So yeah, that's, it's powerful and it's really important information and I'm really glad that we're, we're having this conversation. So thank you so much for all this incredible knowledge. Is there anything. Hasn't been said today that you really wanna share?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I just, I think I, if I was to leave you with one thing, I would say start, start today.

Ask for help. You know, we get this question all the time you know, and, and I often some, like sometimes it's not the right fit. I might not be the right fit or it might not be the right fit, but I can find you the right fit. I can, I can, you know, connect you with somebody that is, you know, the type of planner that, that will help you get started.

But start. It's, no, it's not different than going to the gym or, you know, getting on, you know, healthy habits or a good eating plan. The sooner you start, the sooner your, you will see results and then it's just momentum and that takes over and that's so powerful.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. I love that. It's so true. I, I joke and I tell people the best time to start a new habit was yesterday, but the second best time is today.

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Oh, I love that. To do it. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna take that one. I hope you don't mind.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah. Just switch. Just switch the wording to financial planning. I love it. Yep. Okay. Before our final segment of the show, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  well you can find me on my website.

There's lots of information there about getting started and there's some there's some education on there too. And so it's winningandassociates.ca or you can find us on Instagram. And I have to thank you for that. You kind of helped to get us started and you're so great when it comes to that.

So we're @winningandassociates on Instagram.

Valerie LaVigne: Awesome. I'm gonna link to these in the show notes page for your episode, which will be available at valerielavignelife.com/lisa-marie. Okay. Rapid fire round. I'm gonna ask you four questions. Are you ready?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I am ready. This, I did not get these in advance.  

Valerie LaVigne: No, nobody gets them in advance.

 Lisa-Marie Winning: Oh, okay.  

Valerie LaVigne: So the first question is, what are you currently reading or what is your favourite.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Okay, so I'm an avid reader. I read a lot for work, and so when I read, I read for pleasure. I love beach reads. I love suspense. So I love Ellen Hildebrand books. I've read every single one, and I'm patiently waiting for the next one to launch, and I think it's coming out in June.

Valerie LaVigne:  Okay, cool. I'm gonna, I'm gonna link to this author in the, the show notes as well. Question number two is, what does empowerment mean to you?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Freedom. And that's, it's freedom to make choices freedom to help others, freedom to change your mind. It's, that's such a powerful word. And I feel like if, you know, because of the type of work that we do, if I can, you know, help empower someone to have that type of freedom, to be able to make choices in their life, that that's, that means success to.

Valerie LaVigne:  I love that answer. That's fun. Question number three is, what is your longest standing habit?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Well, I, oh my gosh, my longest standing habit. I love fit. I, I do love fitness. And so maybe, I guess Pilates might be, I'm a, I'm an avid Peloton person now. I bike in the tread and I love it. And it's part of my daily routine.

But I would say that Pilates, I think I'm 16 or 17 years of a really avid reformer Pilates student. And how could we not talk about exhale for a minute? So that's, and that's how we met. Right. So it really has impacted my life in so many amazing ways, but that would be it.  

Valerie LaVigne: Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

Lisa-Marie and I met at Exhale Pilates. Years ago, almost 10 years ago, I think. Yeah. So you've actually been doing Pilates longer than I have. Mm-hmm. Which is hilarious. But yeah, that's where we met and then the just evolved from there. I feel like we need a second episode about exhale.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Oh, I definitely, yeah.

 Valerie LaVigne: Yeah. We should do that one. Okay. Final question. What are you currently working towards?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Well right now I am almost finished an executive program at Wharton. Wharton is a business school that's tied to the University of Pennsylvania. It's like, for those of you who don't know, and I'm really proud about this, so I'm gonna brag for a minute, but Wharton would be like the same like.

Caliber is like Harvard Business School or Yale Business School. So I am almost finished a program in like investor psychology and just behavioral trends in the industry and, and understanding how people make decisions, understanding family dynamics and, you know, it's really meant to. Generations of family you know, handle their wealth and educate their kids and protect that wealth.

So I'm, I'm really lucky to have have had the opportunity to be in this program. And I have one more kind of major milestone to go, and then I will be posting all about it.  

Valerie LaVigne: Congratulations. That's so exciting. I had no idea.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Thank you.

Valerie LaVigne:  That's awesome. Well, thank you again for being on the show. Like I said, it was long overdue, but I'm glad that we're having this conversation now.

It feels very irrelevant. It feels very empowering, and I hope that the listener will take away this this conversation as something to take action on and to start, even if they're 20, 30, 40, 50, wherever they're heading, believe is just get started in, in. Momentum building and that financial plan building.

So again, thank you so much. This has been incredibly valuable. I've learned a lot and I feel excited for what's next. And I'm so thrilled that you could be here and that I get to work with you. So thank you.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Thank you. I appreciate having been invited and this was a great chat. I really had fun.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E226: Going for Your High-Level Goals with Pro Athlete Kia Nurse
 
 

E226: Going for Your High-Level Goals with Pro Athlete Kia Nurse

A 2-time NCAA National Champion with UConn, 2-time Olympian with Team Canada and current WNBA player who doubles as a broadcaster for TSN’s coverage of the Toronto Raptors in the offseason. More importantly a full time dog mom who loves a good book and some Netflix… please welcome Kia Nurse to the podcast…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:59] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I am very excited to have you as a guest.


Kia Nurse:  I'm excited to be here finally. Thank you. 


VL: You know, I am not gonna lie. I was like geeking out when you came to the Pilates studio, exhale Pilates. So that's where we met because I'm like, Oh my God, she's so cool to have her on the show. So true story. I was very nervous to ask.


KN: I don’t know why?! I’m very open to these things!


VL: Ugh and you're so nice. Everyone, well not everyone, my best friend and my boyfriend were like, just ask her You're so weird. " I'm gonna do it today and then I did it. You're like, Oh my god. Absolutely. Like, oh my god. She said yes.


KN: Of course. Why not? I listened to the podcast once I met you and saw it on Instagram. Like, okay, let me listen. I drive for like an hour a day. So I have to listen to something.


VL: I love that I'm so happy to hear that and it's just one of those things where I'm like, you just have to go.


Just have to go and do the things that excite you or that make you feel a little bit nervous and excited and you just have to go for it because I feel like so many times and unfortunately I find this with women especially is that they just don't go Their big goals because they're too scary and you know, whatever the mindset is behind that. it's like, I'm not enough or I'm not good enough or someone's better than that or, you know, I can't do that or whatever. it's a shame because I feel like so many people and reaching those huge successful goals I may have just taken those leaps. Like I did asking you on the show. Hahaha 


So like I said, I'm so grateful that you're here. And going back to how we met with Pilates, you do Pilates at the studio, and I know that movement is a huge part of your life. So I wanted to kind of start with this point of how you incorporate all these different kinds of movements to support you and what you do. So can you share a little bit about the different styles of movement that you practice? Maybe how it helps you? I'd love to learn about them. 


[03:10] KN: Yeah, so obviously part of a big part of my life is movement. It's funny when I talk to people, sometimes it actually happened at the studio on summer Meadowview. And someone asked me like, guys went back to work after this and I was like, This is my job. So I did my job for the day I did my Pilates and coming to the studio was actually pretty terrifying for me because I am so used to I'm good at basketball, right? So I know what I'm good at. I stay in my lane. I go to the gym and play. I know that things are going to be not super easy, but I'm going to be comfortable and I know that a drill or anything that I might do there might push me outside of my comfort zone but I know that I can get through it. With Pilates. It's like this is a brand new thing. And so I tried to implement different types of movement to keep it exciting for me, because of exercises my job doing the same thing every single day becomes kind of tedious and I like to try to change it up. So typically my weekly fly week will look like Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the offseason at this point so early right before my training camps. I'll do three times a week on court. And then I will go from my 9am core workout to 10:30am Lift. I lift my weights and then I drive home so I'm done for the day, usually Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. On Tuesday, Thursdays I do Pilates, so I have my hour session with all of you. And then right after Pilates I head straight to an acupuncture chiropractor kind of session. so a treatment session on whatever body part needs a little bit of extra help. And on those days I try to either ride my peloton or do a peloton treadmill class over at the good life in my house.


And then Thursday or Saturday Sunday are basically kind of my off days or my rest days. And as we get closer to season I'll start to kind of move more into four or five days on cord and continuing to get more back into my usual T and seventh season. I'm on cord usually six days a week. So getting back into that feeling of understanding my body, getting back into that soreness and working through that.


But I've just tried to add so many different things. So cycling is another big one just came off an ACL surgery and tear. So biking became my life for about six months because that's the only thing I could do to feel sweat like legitimate sweat that I'm used to. And then I've taken up a lot of stretching as well. Nighttime stretching before bed. I find this helps to calm me down a little bit more and allow me to kind of just find a nice sleep. And then my dog I have a puppy. She's 10 months old. she's forcing you to walk every single day and it has been one of the best parts about having her is going out feeling fresh air pretty much the moment after I wake up.


[05:42] VL: Wow, you've done so much. I've worked out like four times this week…


Not for four hours a day though. That's so cool. And I love that you're implementing all these different things because yeah, as someone who's in the fitness industry and understands that all these different exercises complement each other and you can't just be doing the exact same thing every day because one it's probably boring for you but to your body gets used to doing the same motions and so when it needs to change something, it doesn't have that. Maybe, maybe it has the ability but it's not as agile. We could say. So how do you stay motivated to do all these different types of exercises? Because I'll tell you right now, when I have new clients coming to the studio, they're like, I just haven't found an exercise that I like or that excites me that they want to go to. They just sign up for the membership and then they don't go. How do you get motivated?


KN: It's a fair question. I honestly find that a lot of my motivation has always come from my family and my parents specifically because I know how much they sacrifice for us to be able to play organized sports growing up. I'm always jokes about it, but somebody had asked me a while back. Were your parents while off when you were growing up? And I was like, I think we were okay. Like I didn't feel like we were struggling in any way. My mom's like then we did our job because you didn't worry about that kind of stuff. And so that always kind of sticks with me. So I was like your dad probably didn't want to drive a minivan and probably wanted a nice sports car. But you know what we sacrificed? We got the minivan, and we drove everywhere. I live almost two times a week when I'm in season at the WNBA. And I see all these young kids and they're on their iPads and they're flying and their families are on vacation. We didn't fly anywhere. I have two other siblings. So there's five of us and it just wasn't economically sound for us to fly to all these different tournaments. We were playing again. So those long drives that my parents took were another sacrifice back in the day when there was only Google Maps. So they had the paper printout, Google Maps driving around. And I think you know, I look at them in the stands when I play and I see them and I see how proud they are. That's my best way to say that I am here living out my dream because of the things that you were able to do. So I try to remember that every single time that I stepped on the court, and then I tried to just remember that I've been labeled kind of a role model from a really young age, and I was really grateful for that label. I think that was something that was really cool, but there are a lot of young women and young athletes who are playing sports nowadays and they're coming up through the look of basketball specifically coming up for the system to possibly go play at the NCAA or the CIS are used for and then probably professional as well either the WNBA or overseas. So I'm trying to create these pathways and make them easier for them than it was for me. And that's something that keeps me going every single day. And I know there are days when I don't want to get on with it. And I still feel like doing it. But I always feel better afterwards. It makes me so mad because like you know you're gonna feel better afterwards. So you have to go and do it in the future. of habit. so that's something that's really helped me is having a schedule and seeing it laid out knowing what I'm doing each week.


[08:48] VL: I love that. It's really powerful for you to recognize how your parents helped you and supported you from that young age like that you don't really didn't really know where they were up at that time and I think a lot of us take our parents for granted especially as kids but definitely as a mature I've noticed with my own relationships with my parents.


Like I my mom would have been if I had a baby the same age as my mom, I would have almost two years old now which I'm like, Oh my God. I am a baby. So but it gives you perspective, right of like, wow, this is what you've done for me. So was basketball something that I've always been doing or was it a different sport?


KN: Any sport we wanted to play was kind of how we grew up my parents and you can try anything if you like good we can kind of stick with it. So I actually started in soccer, like little tidbit soccer with my brother a year older than me so we did everything together.


They put us on skates just to kind of go skating. I think I was really good. That's what they told me that you were good at skating. your brother did not turn out that it really worked out for him. so he stuck with that. And then my whole life. I played basketball in the winter and soccer in the summertime. So those were like my two back boards, but I love to cross country and track field, like I said on the next flight football, like I tried to do whatever I could. Because it was just like I enjoyed playing volleyball with the only sport I really mentioned, but it thoroughly enjoyed my time playing volleyball.  So yeah, it's always kind of just been, if you like, that we can get better at it. But if you didn't like it, there's like, okay, that's fine, move on.


[10:34] VL: That's awesome. So even at a young age you're already doing so many different kinds of movements so that's, that's really cool. And you mentioned how you're creating these pathways for young athletes. Can you share a little bit more about how you're doing that or what you're doing for that?


KN: Yeah, so my sister is nine years old, Tamika, and she is my version of Michael Jordan because I saw her playing from a really young age and I wanted to be just like her. And at the time when she went to college, she went on a full ride scholarship to the University of Oregon in the States. And it wasn't popular to come from Canada and get a scholarship to play in the NCAA. So as we continue to grow up and I got older, I want to follow in her footsteps and do the same thing. And it was getting a little bit more popular, but people still didn't really know much about Canadian basketball players. And so now I think if you look at the NCAA tournament, and you look at the number of women that we have in the NCAA Tournament out of Canada, number of men as well, it's astonishing and people are really now looking to Canada to see if they can find some kind of hidden gems. They consider us basically. And so what I've done is I've created an AAU program, which is the only program that goes out of Canada for girls into the AAU system in the States. In the summertime and they play in what's called the Nike by VFL League, which is one of the top picks there so Kindersley is created to allow them to find and have opportunities to play in front of all of these college coaches on the highest level against the best US players and then hopefully get scholarships and you know, have their opportunity to play in the NCAA tournament or when national championships or conference championships. We try to build up those opportunities for young women. And when I was in high school it wasn't popular to stay here in Canada. You're supposed to go to the States to a prep school and that's how you get seen to go to the best colleges. And my dad sat me down one day and was like if you're good enough, they'll find you. That's just how it's going to have to work. And so we ended up staying at St. Thomas More here in Hamilton and ended up at the best college that you could have gone to for women's basketball. So I tried to just make sure that my pathway is visible for these young women so that they can see you can do what I did. And you can probably do it better. You can probably have even more to it now as we continue to grow our game to then get to, you know, the WNBA or wherever it is that you want to play in the NCAA. So we tried to just make sure that all young women know that it's it's a possibility. I put my pants on the same way they do.


[13:02] VL: That is so incredible. And I think that's a huge part of like what we were. What I was mentioning at the very beginning was going for your dreams and taking those leaps is just knowing that someone has done this before you it's like oh crap, what's that thing that everyone talks about? Like a four minute mile. It's all right. Where they said it was impossible to I'm gonna say it wrong. They said it was impossible to run a certain amount of meters in a certain amount of time and then someone broke that record. And once they knew that that person broke that record So many people were just breaking the record over and over and over again, even though for decades people couldn't run that fast or run. run that fast. so I love that you're doing that and that's really incredible, especially for these young athletes and really for anyone who wants to strive for something better or do something bigger, with the weeds and they have so that's so amazing. Congratulations.


KN: Very excited. The kids are so cute.


VL: I also just love that you were a little timbit!


KN: It was really the best pictures and videos from it. it's back in the day when people used to have a camcorder. So we have little old camcorder videos and we put it in the VCR. We go to Grandma's, it's great.


VL: Oh my god, I love it. I've also wanted three kids and used to do on road trips to the States. That's where my cousins live. But we didn't have iPads and headphones and cool things like that. We had like the Discman and if we didn't have the right batteries ready for it. Then we were Sol on their seven hour road trip.


KN: We have the audio splitter so that we could put two pairs of phones in so we could watch the little fold up DVD player that was our big I was a big change for a while there. 


VL: I love that. That's so cool. We had something similar to, yeah, I just, I gotta say like, with all of the things you do, and how are you leveling each time, like you're not just doing it because you're doing it because you love it but then you're going after more and bigger and better. How is it that you are able to accomplish all of these goals like what? How does this work in your brain?


KN: It's funny my brains are really funny place to live. It's very nice to me some foods. It's not very nice to me other days and you know, I think a lot of it comes from I forget sometimes to sit down and write out everything that I've been able to accomplish at the age of 26 because it's been a lot and I've been really grateful for it. But sometimes I think it moves so fast in the way that women's basketball works. You go from college two weeks later you get drafted to the WNBA then you playing your WNBA season. Then at the time I was going overseas so I'd have a week at home, but I go overseas, so everything happens so fast that you actually forget to sit down and think about what happened to that last season. And so I try to remind myself that it is a blessing and sometimes also a curse that I never think that I've done it. but I'm never satisfied with where I am. so if I went to championships at UConn, which was great. I loved that, but I lost the last two and that bothers me still.


I went Panem gold medal but we weren't able to finish at the World Championships and won a medal this year. And so every time I accomplish something and you know that finish at the World Championships was historic. We haven't done that in 70 years. I think it was still okay, but there's more like there's more to be. I had a goal to get to the Olympics at one time. I've never been to the Olympics twice. And I know my goal has changed to try to come home with a medal. And so I think a lot about where I am, it's just from having little goals along the way and then once I reach those goals, I kind of reevaluate them and change them into something else. That's a little bit bigger than when I got a sports Psych. She's fantastic. And I tend to when I first started working with her she was like you are an all or nothing kind of person. You're either like I'm up here or way down here. And I'm always preparing for the worst case scenario. And so I think the biggest thing that happened when I tore my ACL and I was not allowed to play basketball for 11 months was I turned into a single small goal every single day. So the first eight weeks of rehab on ACLs are literally sitting in your chair and moving your leg out straight and pulling it back in for like eight weeks. You don't do anything else or a person who moves as much as I do. That drove me sick. And so I started to think about what am I gonna do that day. I could get three sets of that. That's great. If my goal was to get one calf raise, if I could get two conferences. That's great. If I could get out of bed by myself, I could walk without my crush, right.


So each day I journaled down what my win was on that day. and that helped me with my smaller goals.


And so I think that's probably part of the reason is that creating these goals but then being able to transform those into why, I just don't always feel satisfied with where I am, but it's helping me get there. And it's helped me get to more and achieve more. At the same time, sometimes you have to sit down to do this and be proud of it. When your confidence. I go back to my journals and I look at the things that I do, like I'm proud of this place.


[18:24] VL: Wow, that is so incredible. I like that you're doing that because it sounds like especially in this industry and I think even just with people in our society, it's Go-Go-Go do-do-do- do not stop, just keep moving. And it's always like, what's next? What's boring, but if you don't take that time to reflect, you don't need that time to pause. And what's the point? Like, do you even know what you're striving for anymore? So, that's really powerful to just say, Okay, this is what I did today. Can I have it? That tiny bit more of that? One extra rep. And then also to have those wins because, yeah, like, life is hard sometimes. And there are moments where you're going to struggle if your competence is going to be low, or your self esteem or whatever it is, and you can look back and be like, Wait a second. I am capable of big things and that I've imagined. I imagine there's another huge motivating motivator for you to keep going and strive for more.


Because I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of athletes getting injured and then it's like they lose everything in their life because like their life is their movement is their practice. And then all of a sudden, it's like it takes a toll. But for you to move through that and the way that you've done is really incredible, because you went from 100 to zero that way.


KN: I was like yeah, no, no, we're not doing anything now. And the worst part about ACLs before you go into surgery, you feel normal, like I was on the bike, and I was I was perfectly fine and they kind of keep you out of surgery for a couple of weeks to build up your strength before you go in. So I was lifting right in the back doing the cardio, and then you get hit by the surgery like I didn't sit there for like weeks.


VL: So one of the things that I talked about just before we hit record was that someone who is very competitive, but you do it in such a healthy way. you share a little bit about how this works with you. How do you stay in that mindset, being as competitive as you are?


KN: I've had to find the healthy part of it. 


I grew up with two siblings. My sister, like I said, is nine years old and my brother's only a year older. So pretty much everything I did growing up was like a competition. And I come from a family of athletes. Everybody plays sports. And so it's like, I don't want to do the dishes today. I don't want to be like I don't either. So we go outside and play 21 Whoever loses to do the dishes. That's kind of just like how we always work. It was always like a competitive nature growing up. And so I've had to learn that like you don't to compete in everything in life. But there's also ways to do it. Like for instance, the other day I was walking in the mall, and this lady was walking beside me before she looked at me and she was like, are we racing and I was like, no, but if we were racing, I would have loved you at my desk by now. And she was like, I would have thought you would. I just kept walking. That was it. That was our whole conversation. And so I probably was raising her but didn't want to tell her to her face that I didn't win, but it was totally fine. And so I found that there's got to be different ways that I can compete. So a lot of the times I find that I'm actually just competing with myself, which is good to a certain extent. And then I can promise you that there will be nobody in this world who has bigger critiques about my performances or my games or if I was productive today or not if it was an off day than I do. I might be own worst critic. But I've also learned to be my own biggest fan at the same time. So I find that there's ways like hustles love puzzles. I open the 1000 piece puzzle that I believe will be done within a week. I will race myself; nobody else will be doing the puzzle, but I will race myself to finish that thing as fast as I can. And I will sit there for hours and then just go and it's great because it actually takes me out of anything else that's going on in the world because I'm so focused on that puzzle. I find it's pretty similar to books. I'm big into books. I have a goal every single year on how many that I want to read for the year. So my goal this year is 30 because I got 24 last year. And so I've already read for not even through January yet, but I'm just like I'm moving right now. Am I behind on all my Netflix shows? Absolutely. Moving through the book. So I'm gonna reach this goal. That's kind of how I feel about it. So I find that it's just if I can compete with myself or I'm gonna compete with my dog like we're on a walk and I want to beat her to somewhere that I can do that. And that's me getting that feeling because I'm really scared of finishing my career and not being able to find that same level of competition or trying to find that same level of I just love competition. And I have a really healthy way of expressing it right now through playing to go into practice. And when I go to train by myself or with my trainer, I make him play against me one on one, or he'll make me do a drill that's like, you have to make five in a row. So it's me against me or me against the rim basically. So basically me against me, and finding ways to win. 


And now I'm trying to take out a sport and win in life. So can I create this program? What's the best top program for these women to have the best opportunities possible? How do we make it as high level as possible? Anything that I do, like TSN broadcasting as well. It's like I'm going to sit down and I'm going to study film and I'm going to practice my stuff here in the mirror the same way that I would do before I started entering a game and preparing in that sense and so can I be the best broadcaster that I can possibly be? Not that I'm competing with the arcade beside me, but I'm competing against myself every single day. and learning from the pros who have been there for longer than I have. 


And so it's just about finding different wins in life every single day. if I made my bed, that's a win by opening my windows. That's a win for me. If I checked one thing off my to do list as a winner and it could be tie your shoe, just so that I can see that something is completed today, that's how I kind of healthy release some of that competitive energy that I constantly have.


[24:34] VL: Yeah. Wow, you yeah you're very inspiring. I love this. And I especially love what you said about how you can be your biggest critic but you can also be your biggest fan.


And I'm wondering like not only what do you say to yourself but what do you say to those young athletes who are going to experience and experience that same level of mindset where they're getting hard they're hard on themselves or getting down on themselves. But then how do you help them flip that script to know you are you're, you're also your superfan. How do you do that?


KN: Well, I'm continuing to work on different ways for me to be able to have a lot of positive self talk because I have had a lot of times in my life where I haven't been very kind to myself or I don't think that my performances are up to living up to my potential and so one of the things I'm trying to really work on is figuring out what triggers those negative thought processes and where does that come from? Someone I spoke to the other day, she mentioned to me, I sports. She's like, What is the worst thing that anybody could possibly say to you think about that. Write it down. Really flush it. out as to why you would feel like that's the worst possible thing you could see. And then remember that that's kind of like where you go. So when I start to have mental or internal thoughts on the court, I typically start to go to she's overhyped, or it's it's a fluke that she was ever an all star, but that's where my mind starts to go. And I can stop myself and remember that that's where I'm going. I can kind of bring myself back out into the here and now in the present. And so I find that a lot of times it's being able to identify when you're going to kind of start rolling downhill because everybody's going to go at some point. It's hard. To bring yourself back and then focus on being present. It's so hard nowadays. And I think it's because there's just so much going on around us. We've got our cell phones in our pockets, which are basically our portal to the entire world and everything that's going on there as well. And then we have social media. I like anybody else getting stuck in comparison, type of vibe as you're scrolling through other people's lives. As an athlete, I think that's something that's really difficult for young athletes. So I try to bring that up to them very often, and remind them that we only put our best foot forward on social media, and you're gonna see somebody with a similar sport as you have been posting their highlights. They're going to show you the five baskets they made and I'm going to show you the 10 baskets they missed. It's always going to be best. And so I try to remind myself of that as well that I'm not gonna post a picture of myself crying because I have a very ugly crier, but I will post a selfie of me smiling and that's okay. And I understand that. but to remind myself that it's not my journey. It's very different from everybody else's journey. there might be some similarities that I can ask questions about that I can learn from, But ultimately, the decisions I make are going to be very different from those of anybody else's. And so when I start to deal with some negative self-talk, I have to remind myself of the good things.


The biggest thing that I've learned with a little bit of meditation as well, has been thoughts like the clouds. So sometimes I have to remind myself like it's impermanent. This is temporary. I'm gonna forget that I'm thinking this way, probably by tomorrow. And so if I start to have a thought that's really negative and like this so they're not real, I made it up in my head, or I'm assuming somebody's thinking.


And remember that it is going to pass, that at some point, your clouds are going to be gone.


So I tried to remember that the one piece of ice has operated on athletes right now it's it's not that serious. like growing up. I felt like everything was so serious. Don't do this. Don't post these things on Instagram. Don't like, like sometimes get a laugh at yourself. Like sometimes. If my friend wants to post a funny video of me falling down the stairs. I think it was embarrassing in high school and now I'm like, it's funny. like, you just gotta laugh at yourself sometimes and allow yourself to just enjoy the fact that this life is short, but like, funny things happen to you. Things that are either embarrassing to you. they're probably really like my nephews are teaching me. They think that I will be embarrassed if they just laugh at me and I'm like, That's great. Thank you.


[28:40] VL: That's so great. I think it's, you've said so many things and touched on so much great advice. And I feel like what's really cool about how you do all this is it sounds like there's so much preparation involved for when you're in those tough times. So it's not like you're learning meditation when you're in the thick of the clouds so to speak. But you have these tools ready for when you need that water that's on the quarter, but it's a lot of preparing and then again, you're taking your experience and then you're saying okay, how did I learn from this today and how can I grow from Wednesday? and you really are this role model this inspiration this mirror for a lot of people to say. Oh, yeah, I because I mean every time A lot of the things are saying I'm seeing a lot of myself in you and thinking like I've been there before I've done that before in my own way, obviously, but so easy to forget that our thoughts are just like the clouds, and in the moment where you're having that really tough moment, and someone says, Remember your thoughts are the clouds are like, shut up – It's not what I want to hear right now, or like you said you're, you're bearish at the moment but then looking back on it, you're like, No, that's hilarious. It's all good, and being able to brush those things off, because, yeah, I mean, how often do we take ourselves so seriously and then we forget to enjoy what we're doing and who we were with and that experience itself. So, yeah, really, really great advice and I feel like so, so easy to forget and yet so easy to practice as well so that's perfect. Thank you.


I do have one more question, and it kind of goes back to, I guess a little bit of everything that we're saying, in a sense of how this all ties together and how this makes you you. What would you say to someone who is just starting out who sees you? And it's like, you know, heart eye emoji, I need to do that. What's the first step or what's the first thing that they can do?


And maybe it ties back into something that we already talked about, but yeah, that's my question.


KN: Yeah, I mean, first thing I would say is it didn't happen overnight. Like this place I am today is not my perfect ideal world. So I'm not even sure that actually exists, but it's as perfect as it can be right now. And it took a long time and it took a lot of ups and downs to get there. And to figure out how to kind of control what I could control. Like, that's my, you start with where you can control right? So if you want to be in a place where you're more organized, you have your movement, and it's something that you find that drives you or you're looking for something that drives you. Think about something that you can do that is very within your control. So if it's a movement thing, obviously, there's a lot of different ways to move. Right. And it can be literally anything, there's apps and YouTube makes it extremely easy nowadays to find little classes that you can do might just be a stretch anything you go outside for a walk, you walk around your block for the first day. It's, you can control when you do that you can control how long you do it for. You don't have to be breathless and feel like you did a whole three hour workout. But any piece of movement started five minutes to 10 minutes and 20 minutes and increase it as you go and it'll become something that's more routine based for you. I think that's probably the number one place to start. And understanding that every day is not going to be perfect. There are days when I feel like my body is really broken down and I probably should have worked out and I will push through it. And then there are days when my body gets really broken down and I say to myself, you need to sit you need to fix it you need to let it heal for a minute, or it's going to bite you in the butt later down the road. And so, being patient with yourself is another piece of that. Being patient with the journey, which is like I said going to look different from anybody else's journey in the world is really important. And I am the least patient person in the world. Something I can admit about myself, I know my flaws. I want everything to be I want to reap the benefits of what I celebrate away because I work my tail off to get there. And if it doesn't happen right away, then I get frustrated or I just go back and I work harder. I just keep grinding and grinding and grinding. And the best thing I learned was you work smarter, not harder. So if you're gonna go and you need to feel like it's gonna burn you out. You're doing too much. You do just enough to make sure that you get your dopamine fix or you make sure that you feel good about what you did. So for example, we usually do basketball workouts. I'll do 20 minutes before I go in there. I shoot as many shots as I can. Or I make devotees first. I hit 150 attendance and I did my job. If I don't and I'm there for 20 minutes I'm out. I started my work as smart as possible. As opposed to grinding it out. I got to live in Australia for two years. They very much go with the flow kind of people. And they also kind of just end their day, like three, four or five o'clock. Everybody leaves work set for work in a restaurant and they go home. They spend time with their families. They don't grind it out from supposed to be nine to five to midnight. What we do here in North America sometimes, and I think that's really important. Being able to decipher, and sit down and be patient with yourself and the people around you. So find a group of people or your family members or just teammates or friends that are worth it that are worth your time and your energy and stick with them. because at some point in this entire journey you lean so heavy My whole ACI leads so heavy on everybody that is really in my close tight knit circle to pick me up and be solid for me when I couldn't be solid for myself.


VL: Yeah, WOW. The patience is huge because I think going back to the highlights, highlight reels that people post on Instagram on social media, what we see that we need to get somewhere tomorrow or right now. And knowing that the journey isn't overnight, just like you said, but being able to enjoy your time along the way to enjoy your company.


Knowing that the company you keep is really part of your success and your joy through life. So that's great. You're very wise for 26 Do people tell you that all the time?


KN: It's weird I do get that a lot. My producer was like, you're like a 45 year old body


VL: Haha you’re like I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Thank you. 


KN: Totally fine. It's good. It's working. They're like, we can't compare it. 25 year old kids to my sorry, I didn't mean to but I didn't mean to but that. That's so funny.


VL: Where can we find you, follow you, and support all the amazing things you do?


Instagram @kianurse www.instagram.com/kianurse 

Twitter @KayNurse11 https://twitter.com/KayNurse11 


RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

KN: Currently Reading: Colleen Hoover - Layla

Favourite(s): Colleen Hoover - Verity + Taylor Jenkins Reid - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

KN: Wow. I thought this was a rapid fire? Empowerment, I would say, means feeling like you have the power to do whatever it is that you want to put your mind to. And I think sometimes we get a little confused with thinking empowerment is that somebody else has to empower us to do something, or an organization has to empower us. I think it's empowering ourselves and empowering the ones that are around us. The people that we can relate to the most because we see them the most or we have conversations with them. being able to show that there is a pathway when that pathway seems like it's covered by a lot of trees and rocks. It's as clear as can be, you just have to keep searching.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

KN: Do you know,  am I being honest with you? I think I've read my first thought no, and it was my first class that I failed and I was really scared.


Do you know why am I being honest with you? I think I've read my first thought no, and it was my first class that I fail and I was


4. What are you currently working toward?

KN: I am currently working toward getting back on to the basketball court through my ACL playing in my first ever WNBA game. What will be two years by the time the season starts year and a half. And we're working towards the 2024 Paris  of the national team. So we went towards that as well.


VL: So awesome. I'm very excited for you. Thank you again for being on the podcast. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge how you're helping women and honestly just inspiring everyone who's in contact with thanks very much.


KN: No thank you, I’m glad you asked!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E223: Gain Clarity & Empower Your Career with Emilia Stypulkowska
 
 

E223: Gain Clarity & Empower Your Career with Emilia Stypulkowska

Emilia Stypulkowska is a career coach and founder of Sunny Side Up Coaching. She helps people define their vision for their career, articulate their impact, and land their dream job…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:42] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast, Emilia, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. I know we've talked about having this conversation, and now we are finally doing it so I'm so excited that you're here today. 


Emilia Stypulkowska: Yeah, thanks so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to our chat.


VL: And it's kind of cool because we have gotten to know each other through different networks and kind of mutual friends and things like that. However, I've been really lucky to attend some of your workshops and to see kind of what you do and how you do it. And at first when I was getting to know you, I don't really need a career coach because I am an entrepreneur and I run my own businesses and but I wanted to support you still right as a friend and I thought, Okay, well I'm gonna try this out and I have friends and my partner he is in a corporate setting for his work. So you know, I know people who would benefit from this and so I wanted to, to see what it was all about. And I was blown away by not only you and what you do and how you articulate it because it's pretty incredible how you can within like a what was like a one hour workshop, we did have the transformation that came out of this workshop, but also how it was applicable to my own self in my entrepreneurship journey as a business owner. So I think that is really incredible and I'm I'm I want to formally apologize to you for thinking that I didn't need your services.


ES: Hahaha There was absolutely no need to apologize!


But I'm glad that you know that you found it really useful and helpful the work that we did you know, despite the fact that you're on this, like less conventional path and a lot of my clients.


VL: Yeah, it was pretty incredible. So I'm excited to chat with you about that today because I feel like no matter where you are in your career or business journey, there is something to be said about what you teach and how you teach it. So I feel like we should just dive right in.


ES: ​​Yeah.


VL: One of the things I really love about your workshop was when you had us take inventory of our current job, so maybe can you start us with the first step or walk us through how that works? Because you're the expert, so I don't want to try to explain it and butcher it.


ES: Yeah, absolutely.


So what I have people do is write out a list of daily or weekly tasks as well as bigger projects that they work on for their role. And they can do that take them inventory of their most recent job or their current job or a past job event. And really, the longer the inventory, the more information that you're going to get out of it. And the more insights they think. So number one, you take that inventory and just write everything out. Just do a brain dump. I remember someone came to my workshop, and she didn't write down any of the tasks that she didn't enjoy. Like, no, we're gonna, we're gonna get information from that too. So really just a full on brain dump.


You know, of everything that you do in the project.


And so that's the first step. And then the second step is just to categorize everything. And in my workshop, I have a bit of a legend in terms of how people can categorize different tasks, whether it's strategic, collaborative, for people, or data oriented.


And really categorize each task. Some of the tasks might be the same, like some of them might be the same. Some of them might have more than one category of half so it might be collaborative and collaborative and strategic or whatever it is. And then, so then I take people to a few more steps to kind of really, really take a look at everything and and start to see the patterns between the tasks and projects that they're not enjoying, and what do these things have in common? And so what is it about those things that they don't enjoy? And I think similar to kind of work you experience in the workshop, people start to see that their job isn't just their job. It's not a big blob. It's actually lots of little puzzle pieces. And there might be aspects of it that they enjoy and aspects of it that they don't enjoy. But then from that information, you can sort of start to form a picture of what you don't want and then a vision of what you do want, which you will move toward.


[05:33] VL: And I thought that was so powerful to break it into all those different components because, you know, you're having conversations with people, your friends, your family, whoever but you don't really understand their job fully. You're not in their shoes. So when they say oh, my job is so stressful. Oh, I really am not enjoying my job. You're just thinking like, Okay, we'll just leave your job to do something else. But it's not that simple most of the time. And it's also are we taking that time to look at what we actually do not like about the job? And is there an opportunity for us to change things within that and to see what's working and what's not? Can we make something adjustable so that we can stay where we are and still do the things that we enjoy? So for me that was a huge realization. Because I recognize them like, like, I should do a lot of things that I don't enjoy, but I don't have to do those things. I can delegate those tasks and focus on the things that I do enjoy, and then be better at my job because of it. So maybe I just gave it away but why is this so important for us to do this practice? You have a name for it? Should I call it something or?


ES:  I call it a Career Clarity exercise.


Yeah, and definitely, I think it's important because you start to see things more clearly and you can start to see how okay, then when I'm looking at this job description of this job that I'm applying for, does it have similar components or categories that I also don't love? So you start being able to see things for the pieces versus just looking at it as a whole? Because that's actually one of the surprising things that I've found. In working with my clients is but people aren't always really good at looking at a job description and deciphering what exactly this job looks like on a day to day basis. And I think that this exercise helps you get a little bit better at looking at those things and and getting more savvy about looking at job descriptions. And so for you, you know, as an entrepreneur, you might be able to delegate some of those things that you don't enjoy. But I think for you know, our nine to fivers. They can also talk to their boss and say, Listen, you know this category. You know, I'm finding it really tedious and routine and as pulling away from this, which maybe has a bigger impact or an ROI.


You know, could we sort of shift these tasks either to someone else or, you know, if you're growing in your role or looking at a promotion, like what do you want to lean into more and what do you want to lean out? of? So I think that this information is helpful for everyone.


VL: Yeah, absolutely. I love that and it prepares you for those conversations. And I like what you said about when you're looking at the job description, you're looking at more because a job description, in my opinion, is really a sales. We want to hire someone and these are all the best parts about your job. But what does that really mean? Right, because it's a job description usually Well, from my experience, it's not that detailed. So being able to ask questions and know where you are, where you strive as an employee, or in your skill set. and then knowing that yeah, there's flexibility or there's room for me to adjust this or this exists. It's exactly what I'm looking for, like almost nothing what I'm looking for, even though it looks really pretty in his package in a bow, It might it might not be the right date right so yeah, I think it's a, it's a very simple yet powerful practice is there anything that we need to keep in mind when we're doing this exercise for ourselves?


ES: Um, yeah, I think I think something as simple as you know, sometimes it's more clear to us what we don't want than it is what we do want and just kind of really thinking about and digging into Okay, well, what is the opposite look like? Or, you know, what is? Yeah, what is the opposite version of this? So that I can see what I'm moving toward? I think it's really important not just to realize what you're moving away from, but really focus on that picture of what you're moving toward, and sometimes that's as easy as flipping and flipping those don't want it to those new ones, and what does that look like and taking some time to think about it?


[10:01] VL: Yeah, that's a great point, especially if you're in a place of feeling frustrated with where you're at. It's easy to focus on all of the things you don't want to be doing. overdoing and just the opposite, flipping it to see what it's like. I like that a lot. So let's say we do our clarity exercise. We figure out what we don't want, we realize what we do want, what’s next?


ES:  Yeah. 


VL: Like that's the big scary part. 


ES: What's Yeah, um, so definitely, you know, in like through the clarity exercise, I also drill down into things like you know, does the mission of your organization excite you.


So, also looking not just at the tasks and the projects, but also thinking about, you know, your actual job like the perks or lack of perks that your job so you start to clarify a picture of like, you know, I want this salary level, I want this type of organization or not this type of organization, and then you start to get curious about the job descriptions that are out there and the job postings that are out there, and kind of referring back to your list and saying, Okay, now that I've sort of realized what I want how does this How does this stand up to that?


So yeah, so I know that it is a challenge for people sometimes to look at her to find those jobs and opportunities. And I think one of the easier ways to find it is figuring out okay, well, what are the areas where I want to make an impact, and which organizations and companies are working toward that impact that you want?


And in getting curious about that, because once you kind of think about a company that looks up on LinkedIn, see who's working there, what kind of roles do those people have? start connecting with some of those people on LinkedIn, see if you can have a conversation. Sometimes that's easier than just browsing what's already out there.


VL: Yeah, that's a great point. Because like I said, when you're seeing the job descriptions, they all start to kind of mesh together and they all look really great. But then you don't actually know. Because who's writing those, write the person who wants to hire you, not necessarily the person who's already in the room or the people who are already in the industry. So yeah, that's a great idea to really do your due diligence. I mean, you're going to be at your job for say, 40 hours a week, 20 different hours a week, right? So you may as well take that extra time to, you know, invest in that time to make sure that you're making the right decision. And I imagine in a space of maybe being in between jobs or being frustrated with where you're at it's really easy for us to just grab the shiny object or maybe skip over a couple of steps and just go for what looks good in front of us. So in those situations, like how do we navigate through the excitement and the scarcity and the fear, but also, you know, like, going for what we want, how do we move through that piece of it? Maybe it's mindset, maybe it's emotion..?


[13:13] ES: Yeah. Yeah. So that's a fantastic question. What I really, really, really like people to know is that there is no wrong decision. So let's say you take a job because you're just really stressed out about your bills and paying rent and you just really need to do that thing. Now, I do encourage people to be very realistic about the level of energy and commitment that any kind of job takes, right. Because if you're working, you know, 60 hours a week for someone, and you're saying, Oh, well, this is just a bridge job and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna keep looking. Well, that might not be realistic, right? Whereas, can you take something that's more part time or can you can you even negotiate with somebody who wants to make you an offer to do it part remotely? or can you look at decreasing the number of hours and kind of helping them out in a different way?


So, but getting back to this idea that there is no wrong decision, you might take a little detour or it might take you a little bit longer to get to where you want to go, but there really is no wrong way to do it, and I would liken this to the experience of, you know, when I decided to start building my business I signed up with a business coach.


And I was like okay, this is what I'm doing right and it's so easy to lose sight of that vision and lose that confidence in what you're doing because you're like wow I really like this this is gonna be tough. I don't exactly know what I'm doing every time I sit down to work on this like it's, it's hard.


You know, so I continued to apply for jobs, maybe even. I don't even know how many, like eight, nine months after I started my business. Because I just thought, wow, this is what I know. Even though I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore and I don't want to be in these environments anymore.


You know, this just feels like the known versus the unknown. And I was lucky enough to not have secured that, you know, that job that I applied for those couple of jobs that I applied for.


But I still believe that even if it had worked out that way that I had taken those jobs, that would have taken me a little bit longer to get to where I am right now in my business, but I still would have gotten there eventually. So don't be scared to make the wrong decision. But as much as you can, if you know if you can lose that scarcity mindset and hold true to your vision, I do think it'll reap the rewards faster, if you can do that.


[15:40] VL: Yeah, that's such a great point. And I feel like it's definitely easier to say than it is to do because I've been in situations like that before to where even when I've decided, Okay, today is the day that I'm going to commit to my new business. And I set the launch date and I said when I'm going to show everyone my website, and I'm excited and I'm gearing up for it. And then I can recall the exact moment where it was when I received a phone call from someone who is really excited that she was opening a wellness studio and wanting to include me in a pretty high level position. And although I am still in the wellness and fitness industry because I was really love it and it brings me joy at that point in my life. That wasn't my goal. That was my goal to be in that type of position. And so to me, it felt like a real test. It felt like a real test in my commitment to myself and to what was the goal that I had as a projection for myself. And it was so easy for me in that moment to be like, Oh, that sounds exciting. I'm very happy for you. And I think I can remember the moment so well was because when I actually said no thank you I felt so much better than I imagined if I would have said yeah, let's do it. And oops, I regret that. Because when I said no, no, thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you thought please keep me in mind for you know future collaborations or whenever I have like the love to help in any other way. That I can't. This is not for me. And luckily I was able to refer a friend who I thought would position. I mean, looking back now years later, that business doesn't exist anymore, but mine does. And so, you know, we can't see the end. I mean, this isn't even the end. For me, but you can't see into the future. So you really don't know. But I'd like what you said about you know, you're not making a wrong decision. You're making a decision and I feel like if you can get through these tests, you know, you're still going to end up where to be in my distinct view a little bit of a roundabout way there. So, yeah, do you have, like you said for yourself in your own experience that you didn't get the jobs that you're applying to? Are there other experiences or other moments or maybe with your clients that have experienced something similar to that?


ES: Yeah, for sure. So it's definitely happened for me before where I didn't even have a job and I was offered a job and I just knew that it wasn't the right next step. I knew that wasn't where I was meant to be. And I've said no, I've declined job offers, even when I didn't necessarily have anything lined up which is scary.


But I know that I did make the right decision.


As I said before, there is no wrong decision. But I really made the best decision for me at that time and I was happy with that decision.


And so that's happened for me and also more recently.



You know, she was like somebody had offered her a job, and she knew that it wasn't quite what she was envisioning as her dream job had kind of landed in her lap. And, you know, and she was saying, Oh, but you know, I really don't want to be in the same place. Like a year from now, where I still, you know, I don't have another job like maybe it's just easier to make this shift. And I think that's one of the benefits and great reasons to get a coach is someone can be accountable to your vision. And I said to her, I said, ugly, you know, we went from not taking this job to 12 months down the road like not having the job that you wanted.


So, you know, I think that's a big leap to make. And, you know, and I don't. Yeah, so I helped her stay true to her vision and declined that offer.


VL: Wow, that was very scary.


ES: Again, it's also that it's, it's also in a sense refreshing and affirming that you that I think it's an a lot of self worth. You're saying to yourself, I'm choosing my goal. I'm choosing my commitment. I'm choosing my vision, versus just going for the thing that feels right or doesn't even feel right but it's just like it's there.


VL: Yeah. I know when it's such a whirlwind and then I feel like you look back a year later and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I took that so seriously, or I was so worried about the turned around. And actually, I can think of the opposite time that this has happened to me where I didn't have a job. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Someone was like, Do you want to do this? And I said, Sure. And it changed my life for the better. So it was I was teaching yoga and yoga was my life and I loved it so much. And then I got fired for my first yoga job, which that's a different story in itself. But anyway, so I was training at a different studio. The owner really liked me and liked how I taught and she said, do you teach Pilates? I said, I didn't want to and I said sure.


With her she was my mentor. She helped me through pilates reformer Pilates Chairboys like I was teaching all these different things. And fast forward to seven years later, I bought her studio and now co owned this beautiful Pilates studio and I barely did any yoga so oh my goodness.


Kind of a cool, full circle moment for me. I would have never like to take the dog out of I don't want to say scarcely it did still excite me. Pilates wasn't really my thing, which is hysterical now to think about that. But it's amazing where you end up and, you know, again, it's like, I didn't let go of my vision at the time, but it would have definitely been helpful to have someone there to say it's okay to say yes or it's okay to say no.


So that's, that's a huge I imagine for you something very satisfying about what you do is helping people through that time. 


[22:20] ES: Yeah, definitely. And something that I noticed you said earlier, just about, you know, your commitment to your vision, I think, yes, there is that commitment side of things, but I also just believe, number one, you've got a job and even out there, right. I find their current situation, that it's hard for them to even believe that there wouldn't be a job or in the organization or something else that they could do that really would bring them joy, where they would feel like it's rewarding and it's a good fit and they're excited.


So I think that it's not just like belief in yourself, which I think is important and that also that commitment to yourself to doing the hard thing. But I also think it's just that belief that something else like that is out there. And that's the other piece that I think that I hold for people because I've been through so much. For those who don't know, career coaching is my second career. And I spent 15 years in nonprofit and my story also includes, you know, being let go from a job actually multiple times for me. So, you know, having been through and navigated so much and continuing to catapult myself to the next level despite every setback. You know, I hold a lot of belief in what's possible. And I think that's an important component that I bring to the table as well.


VL: Yes, and it's a it's a good point because like I said, I myself haven't really been in a conventional career setting I have, but in an unconventional way, so I guess, the upgrade conventional, but what I will say to that is that I do teach and work with a lot of people who are in those types of settings. And a lot of the conversations I hear and it's kind of very different kind of in passing, you know, type of conversations, but what I'm hearing is things like the devil, you know, is better than the devil. Don't.


To be completely honest, the feat that I had is that I don’t want to get a J-O-B because that sounds horrible!


And I don't know exactly what everybody's doing and what the components are and I'm sure everyone stays in their job for their own fear. I am on the outside. Oh my god, this sounds so but it is so true. Like the mindset and and maybe maybe this kind of going off on a tangent here but or a different different way. But is it part of the Career cultures and I define culture to think that like this is the box here and this is the number you are this is the role that you play? And you know what I mean? Like is because I feel like such an alien to it.


ES: Yeah.


VL: Explain that part of it to me, why do people keep saying the “devil” thing?


ES: Hahaha the devil thing. Yeah, that's really interesting. And I would say it kind of goes back to what I was saying about the fact that some people get so discouraged, so disempowered, and they've seen enough workplaces where things don't operate in a way that's positive.


Yeah, that's really interesting. And I would say it kind of goes back to what I was saying about the fact that some people get so discouraged, so disempowered, and they've seen enough workplaces where things don't operate in a way that's positive. And they just think you're on my thing, right? So it's just that belief in that possibility or that awesome company or that awesome role that exists out there for that or so I would say yeah.


You know, like, for myself, I spent 15 years in nonprofit and I try to think about how many of those years I spent in a positive environment that I felt really aligned with. And a small percentage it wasn't 100% By any means more close. And what I found is sometimes I felt like I had to suppress who I was.


And because, you know, I, I didn't fit into the culture and you know, I'm somebody who is shy, someone who was you know, I remember coming into work, and just, you know, just being a good morning person. And it was really weird, like, it's just kind of more normal for people to be like, like, one day or this and not and I do find it's really easy to get sucked into this idea that this is something we have to do. By no means do we want to be here. This is just a means to an end. But then you end up living your whole life as a means to an end which is interesting.


So yeah, so I think I think it's easier to find it in me and not see the other way. 


[27:20] VL: Yeah, it definitely is. something I've noticed… Negativity, complaining It's that I noticed that I complain more when I'm trying to fit into a conversation. because I actually did this challenge where you wear like a bracelet on one hand, and every time you complain, you're ready to switch on to the other wrist. And so I was constantly switching my bracelet back and forth.


And I'm thinking like, oh my gosh, I'm changing so much because I did not enjoy it. I did not like that about myself. And it was that I was really only complaining in group settings. when other people started to complain. So that I find is really interesting, especially when we talk about career culture, because a lot of careers Don't. You're not really – from what I understand a lot of careers are very collaborative, or you're working near other people, even if you're not working with them. So to be able to, you know, be yourself in the group and to have your own opinion and to be creative and to share and have the courage to share your ideas or to set boundaries like that there's a lot going on there. Like I said, there's a lot of room for support from someone like you and you're looking for the right setting for the right community because you're spending most of your life in this place. 


ES: Yeah. I'd love to think about that. I don't I don't know if people think about it that much. Yeah, and, and even just having the right questions to ask to see the right environment. like I know I do a little bit of part time work as a recruiter. And I know one of the things that people asked me in that first intro call if. “So what's the work culture like?”


And I find that really interesting because it's such a general question. And to your point before about the job description, it's like, this is a little bit of sales. Like we're trying to, we're trying to fill the role. And so when you ask a really general question, you're gonna get a very general answer, and it's probably going to be skewed to the positive because, like, you know, I wouldn't have a job.


Or I wouldn't be very good at what I was doing or successful at what I was doing if if I was painting every organization in a negative light while trying to get somebody to work there. Doesn't make sense, right? But if you've asked a very specific question something like, you know, what is your approval process for communication?


And so something like that might highlight to them or they don't really have a positive process, or maybe they have five people that need to review each piece of the communication cycle. so that you see this as an organization with a lot of red tape. So essentially when you identify for yourself what you don't want.


And so something like that might highlight to them or they don't really have a positive process, or maybe they have five people that need to review each piece of the communication cycle. So that you see this as an organization with a lot of red tape. So essentially, when you identify for yourself what you don't want, Kind of like, you know, we're looking for those patterns in the current clarity exercise. then you can ask specific questions to ensure that you're not entering it by an environment or accepting a job where it's gonna be similar and have similar problems.


VL: Yeah, that's a great point to make is getting more specific with that because a lot of the times like I said, you're either excited for the opportunity that you're that you think you're getting into, or you just need something fast. So you're just going through the motions, but to be specific about that. 


ES: Yeah. That's a great point. Yeah. And I also wanted to add, you know, because we're talking about that culture of negativity and calculating 100% I find that I do the same thing and I caught myself saying to my dad, just you know, like when you're kind of like, not fully present in the conversation, you're just in your own mind and just kind of speaking on autopilot. I said something like well, nothing for nothing. And I was like, uncover something that like I've been tied and something that I, you know, stay or like to fit in or this is, this is the acceptable response or acceptable reaction to you know, this. It was just so interesting to me and I and I do think that it's so much about what happens like, you know, when we're just in environments with other people who were complaining or they're saying stuff and then you're like, oh, shoot, like that. That didn't work.


I guess some understanding now has, like things that I grew up with or things that are normal in our like in our society. And one of the most intentional things that I did when I started my business was I exited my personal account on Instagram and then with my business, Instagram, I didn't follow any of those thumb card accounts that are like well, it's bucket o'clock. You know, and, and all of that because I thought, you know, I want to be seeing positive things, helpful things inspiring. things.


And if something is upsetting you triggering me putting me in a negative mindset, affirming that every job has like, one o'clock type hour, Then I don't want to buy into that and I want to feed myself was like, wow, that's, you know what I think about you is that, I mean your business sunny side up coaching that has such a fun, like a positive spin.


[33:03] VL: Wow, that's you know what, and I think that is kind of what I'm most drawn to about you is that I mean your business sunny side up coaching that has such fun, you know, like a positive spin on things. And I think as you think, as someone like myself, who I don't want to say I'll never be in this conventional career setting, because I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But this gives me hope that there is something out there for me if I needed that or I can recommend this to you because I know that you're going to support and not just kind of I don't know I don't I don't love that negative kind of culture to it. I just find it unhelpful or maybe like it deters me away from wanting to do, because like you said, just separate yourself.


Why would you want to be a part of that? Yeah. So I'm very excited that you're, that you're switching gears with that and I'm creating a space for people who want to have a positive career and experience in that. so that's really amazing. and I applaud you for that.


Yeah, I'm excited because you've given so many incredible tools today, and I feel like I'm inspired to just even get some more clarity on what I'm doing now. but before we get into some other details and the last, like the last segment of our show, Is there something that hasn't been said that you really want to share?


ES: Yeah, that's a great question and to what you're saying about funny sign up coaching, like it is named for my optimism, and I think that, you know, in every situation that I've been in and a lot of tough situations in my career and experience setbacks and job loss.


I think that I'm someone who really persists, like almost like, what's the word I'm looking for, like, unrelenting.


And I think, you know, it's kind of as you were saying, like, when you were feeling like an alien in certain environments, and I'm like, Well, I can be your fellow alien and I can remind you of what's possible and and what you deserve when it comes to your career, and I can help you find that. So yeah, so I think that's how I like to leave things off in terms of, you know, to close everything out. 


VL: Yeah, I love that. That's it, it's true. Optimism, persistence, and I think that's what you need every day, is to have that beside that positive mindset because what's the point if you're not enjoying life?


ES: Yeah, pretty much.


VL: Where can people find you? Where can they follow you, and how can they support your business?


INSTAGRAM @sunnysideup_coaching

WEBSITE www.sunnysideupcoaching.ca 


RAPID FIRE ROUND:

  1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

ES: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

ES: It was really interesting, I went camping with my parents. A few years ago. And I remember my mom saying to me, she's like, well, you know, sometimes I just wish you and your sister would take a bit of initiative when it comes to, you know, packing things or doing things and I thought about that a lot. And what I realized was okay, like if someone who's constantly correcting you and saying, Okay, well start with this, don't do that. You know, oh, no, let's pick this up. Not like that. And what that does, is it disempowers you right, and teaches you to not take initiative and not because, you know, if you do that you'll be corrected whereas if you don't do anything, you don't stand. So, for me is a really quick example of what empowerment means to me. It's building positive freedom. What happens when you take initiative and we take risks how you talk to yourself when something doesn't work?


3. What is your longest standing habit?

ES: My longest standing habit of brushing my teeth? But I'm really proud of how long I've been taking supplements or I started during the pandemic's chatting, like having sessions with my naturopath and that's been my longest standing one for the last three years and other things I've been on and off like midday walks, but that's at least one that I've stayed consistent with.


4. What are you currently working toward?

ES: I am working toward hiring a second person well, actually almost like a third person into my business.


And so that's really important, but also just working toward being a great manager for the people that work for me.


[40:04] VL: Oh I love that so much. It’s really, really cool and exciting! Congratulations! Thank you so much for being part of the show. You are welcome any time and I think what’s so wonderful about what you do is empower people in their careers, and that is very special.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E222: 7 Things to Do for a Smooth Month Ahead
 
 

E222: 7 Things to Do for a Smooth Month Ahead

It is possible to have a smooth month ahead, especially if you take the time to do these seven things!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:37] Welcome back, thanks so much for joining me! If you’ve been listening to the show for a while you may already know about my “Monthly Accountability Meeting.” This is an appointment I have with myself at the start of every month, and I’ve got to be honest with you, I have been SLACKING!


I have been avoiding this meeting and I think it’s because of a few reasons, but the main one is I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with some slow months, some incomplete/unreached goals and even though I KNOW having this meeting helps me get back on track, there is a sense of shame lingering.


So I’ve made two decision:

  1. I wanted to admit this to you because I wanted you to know that not everything in my world is perfect. Yes this is the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, and sometimes empowerment means owning who you are on the good days and bad days.

  2. And my second decision is that I am revamping my Monthly Accountability Meeting to make it more exciting! I am going to do my Accountability Meeting at a cute cafe instead of at home where I can avoid it really easily. This month I will be doing the meeting at Wet Coffee, a little cafe in Oakville, ON. 


Not only am I revamping WHERE I complete this Accountability Meeting, but I’m also going to mix up some of the things I am tracking. 


So, let’s get into it!


[2:05] The first thing you want to do every month is  #1 Set the Vibe


Do this for your meeting, and also for the month ahead. As I mentioned, I’m in a cute cafe, with a lovely coffee and an almond croissant. Before I even get into the details, I’m centering myself in the present moment.


ASK: How can I show up as my fullest, most present self in this meeting?


If it helps you to create the vibe in your space you can light a candle, play some music, diffuse essential oils, set up your crystals, clean your desk, you get the idea. You do you boo.


It’s helpful to decrease distractions – one of the reasons I’m not completing this at home. Put your phone on airplane mode or do not disturb, let people in your home or office know you are not to be disturbed, or leave and go somewhere else like I did haha.


I usually take a few deep breaths, maybe close my eyes and feel my feet planted on the earth to help ground me in the space. I take as many breaths as I need to and show up present and prepared.


If you remember from last week’s episode we talked about the practice of releasing tension and setting intention.


Now, set the vibe for the month ahead. 


ASK: How do I want to feel this month? How do I want to show up for myself and others?


Get clarity on what is meaningful to you and what feelings you want to embody. I encourage choosing 1-3 feelings for the month. Once you have those “feeling words,” open up the alarm app in your phone and create a new daily alarm with the label of your 3 feeling words. So that every day, when the alarm goes off, you see the feeling words and connect to them in that moment. 


This month I’m using the same three words I did last month: STRONG, JOYFUL, PURPOSE


[04:13] Speaking of last month, the next thing you want to do at the start of every month is #2 Review the Month Before


What you review should be meaningful to your goals. If this accountability meeting is for your health and well-being, you want to be tracking and measuring actions related to your health. If this is for your business, you want to track things that are meaningful to your business. 


If you aren’t sure what specific things you can be tracking, consider your goals and what actions need to be taken to reach those goals. 


For example: If you want to improve your overall health and wellness, you can track how many workouts or classes you went to each month and even the types of classes. You can take physical photos of your body to measure your progress, and you can track how many meals you made at home. 


For myself, these accountability meetings are for my business mostly. Even though there are a few things that I track and change each quarter, there are still a few things that stay the same. For instance, every month I track my spending. This includes how much I spend in different categories (like supplies, wages, etc). I also track how much money I make from my different services and offers.


I have a few different goals this year such as: participating in more speaking opportunities, monetizing the podcast, hiring help in some areas of my business, and building a Youtube channel.


BUT the day before I was producing this episode I received an email from my podcast host subscription site that said the Women’s Empowerment Podcast was eligible for monetizing so you may or may not be hearing ads at the start and end of the show. THIS IS A BIG DEAL my friend! I am thrilled to be able to continue serving my audience while I build my own wealth which allows me to grow in so many more ways, and support people too. So THANK YOU for listening, thank you for sharing, and if you’re on YouTube thank you for watching! It means a lot to me.


Some other things I track every month are:

  • Time tracked on business tasks 

  • Days I’ve taken completely off

  • Times I went out of my comfort zone

  • Which podcast episodes performed the best that month, and of all time

  • Where leads came from 

  • Social media outreach and ROI (for each platform I’m on)

  • What I’m most proud of 


Once you feel like you’ve really combed through the previous month, and you’ve assessed the data that you’ve collected, you can be better prepared for the month ahead.


If you’re collecting the right data, you can make more informed decisions moving forward. It also helps you to see what is working, and what isn’t. You can either bring more energy and attention to the parts of your life and business that aren't working to help support it, or perhaps it’s something you need to tweak or let go of. 


Last year I felt like I was losing so much focus in my business so I hired a business coach to help me centre in on what was most important and support me through leveling up. 


Some of our goals will need more than a month at a time to complete, but checking in on the bigger goals each month, and creating smaller tasks and action steps to get to those bigger goals is going to help us move forward better and faster. Because we see what is working, and what is slipping through the cracks, we can then rearrange and spend our resources more wisely. 


[08:05] With the information that we’ve been able to collect, and after reviewing the data, we can now move on to the third thing we can do at the start of each month #3 Set Goals for the Month Ahead


I think a lot of us get really excited about this one and are eager to dive right in! And listen, I get it, because that’s me too!


And I REALLY want to emphasize how important it is to review the previous month BEFORE setting goals for this month. Take it from me, you will achieve your goals in less time, and with little to no burnout when you know where you’re starting from/coming from.


When you’re ready to set the goals for the month, circle back to the feeling word(s) that you set at the very first part of this meeting. When you think of your feeling words – I’ll use mine as an example – how can you tap into those feelings in the present?


My feeling words: STRONG, JOYFUL, PURPOSE


I feel strong when I move my body consistently, especially at the gym or in a reformer pilates class. I also feel strong when I take risks and follow my intuition. I feel joyful when I’m around the people I love, and when I’m interacting with others doing the work that I do. I feel purpose when I am speaking and sharing my truth authentically, when I am able to empower and support women with their own health and life. 


ASK: How can I tap into my feeling words in the present?


When you have this answer, you can start to understand what daily actions will help you reach your goals. 


For instance, showing up as my best, most authentic self means that I feel good in my body inside and out. I start the day with breakfast and a workout or movement before I sit down at my desk to create or share. This helps me feel STRONG in myself, and in my messaging.


ASK: What habits, routines, or rituals can I stack and track this month to support my goals?


Essentially what we’re doing is breaking our bigger goals down into smaller, more bite sized ones. With the goal of getting more speaking engagements and being a guest on other podcasts, I can break that goal down into actions like:

  • Research podcasts that I would make a good guest on

  • Write out complimenting topic titles for each podcast

  • Listen to the shows I want to be a guest on

  • Reach out/pitch myself to the podcast host

  • Follow up with show hosts


Even though I have my own podcast, some of these actions intimidate me haha. Truthfully I’m nervous – and also excited to put myself out there!


[11:03] Something new I am starting to incorporate into the Monthly Accountability Meetings and what I believe to make a smooth and satisfying month ahead is #4 Adding Some or All of These Into Your Calendar:


Brunch meet up with friends: Get the gang together for waffles! Or whatever breakfast food you’re enjoying. Our gals like brunch so that’s what we do. Maybe it’s a pilates class and coffee date for you! Whatever, get together with friends.


Social media fast: either 24 hours no social media, or intermittent. I am really working on this one. I used to do 24 hours on the weekend, but I like the idea of intermittent social media as a daily/lifestyle practice. No social media from 7pm to 7am or something. 


Date night (minimum 1): My partner and I are pretty good at this, but it’s a little more spontaneous for us than intentional. It would be nice to have something on the calendar to get excited about and dress up for.


Day spent outdoors: I get outside every day, but as the weather starts to warm up, and even before it does, I’d really like to spend more time outside! I need some ideas of how to spend the day outside in the suburbs, or maybe share with me where you’re spending time outside and I can do something similar. Let me know in the comments on YouTube OR send me a dm @vallavignelife on instagram


An adventure day exploring a new town or place: I used to do this a lot more and IDK I guess I wasn’t being intentional, but I LOVE THIS. Short drives from where I live are so many little towns to explore and wander. Hmmm where should I go this month… also open to suggestions!


A day to do whatever fills my heart/excites me! Okay, I know some of these would be better as spontaneous things, however in my brain, if it doesn't get scheduled it doesn’t get done! SO instead I will block off a day to do whatever that is and allow the spontaneity to come the day of.


1-2 Body work appointments (osteo, massage): I’m pretty good at doing these, however similar to date night, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. It also helps me with boundaries in my schedule and self care.


White space in your weeks/days: I’ve really been trying to add these in daily, but I think I need to mix them up to be a little less frequent because I’m noticing that they aren’t non-negotiable for me OOPS! White space is a dedicated time to take a mental pause from work or other commitments and just let the mind wander. I definitely take breaks in a day but they don’t always feel like mental breaks. It’s a time where we aren’t stimulated by technology or tasks. 


Speaking of tasks, Catch up days to complete tasks: sometimes we make our to-do lists with more energy and excitement than we actually have to complete them, so I usually pop in 2 or 3 days a month for catch up or organize things in my life and business. Such as the current state of affairs of my office – YIKES!


As you were listening to this list, did any of them excite you or appeal to you? Notice which ones you’d like to add or incorporate into your own months. Maybe my ideas inspired ideas of your own. This is really about doing the things that light you up and are fun!


[15:08] Another thing to do for a smooth month ahead is #5 Create a (30 day) Challenge for yourself. This could also be a 21 or 28 day challenge instead. The idea here is that you have something you can measure, or stack into your current routines and habits that helps to support you and stretch you.


This challenge is meant to, as I said, SUPPORT YOU. Not stress you out more. You can also turn one of your habits or action steps for your goals into a challenge. For example, perhaps my challenge this month is to reach out to 5 podcast hosts a day for the next 30 days (total 150 hosts) and pitch myself to their podcast. If I said reach out to 150 people that might intimidate or overwhelm me. But 5 a day seems more manageable, and the “challenge” part of it excites the competitive nature I have to want to “win” or achieve something.


You may also know that I host 21 day healthy habit challenges – and I have very recently decided to change this up a little. Instead of hosting them seasonally, I will be hosting ONLY ONE CHALLENGE per year. Our last challenge started in January, however, I will run one more this year in April. You can get on the waitlist at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

[16:57] Another thing you can do today for a smooth month ahead, and a new part of my Monthly Accountability meeting is #6 Write How the Month Went for You as if you’ve completed the month already. Write in the past tense. This is a manifesting technique. 


I used to be really into manifesting, and I’ve talked a lot about it in earlier episodes of the podcast. I’d like to bring that back into the show more and to do that I’ll also be practicing manifesting more myself.


Manifesting is turning your thoughts and ideas into realities. While a lot of people would categorize it as “wooey,” there’s actually quite the science to it – perhaps this will be a future podcast episode. 


For this specific manifesting practice, we are writing out, in detail, how the month went. Similar to a journal entry of what happened in your smooth month? Which goals did you reach? What magic or miracles did you witness? What pleasant surprises unfolded? What adventures did you go on? What obstacles or challenges did you overcome? And anything else that you’d want to write about in the journal entry.


You can do this in a dedicated book or a file on your computer. It’s fun to read what you wrote the month before and then write another one at the end of the month of what DID happen to see how or what you manifested and more.


It’s very important to be detailed and write it as if it already happened. Past or present tense ONLY. This is part of the manifesting magic, because our brain doesn’t understand what is real and what is an idea. So when it listens to it in the past tense, it believes it’s true and already happened. 


[19:06] One last thing to do for a Smooth Month #7 Pull an Oracle Card – or tarot, whatever. I have been doing this forever and it’s my way of closing the ritual. 

The deck I use is called Wisdom of the Oracle. I’ll link to it for you obvi. Usually for this practice I’ll ask a question like:

  • What message do I need for [month]? 

  • Or what will support me through [this month]?

  • Or what is something I need to know going into [month]?


Something along those lines. If you want to pull multiple cards you can, or if there is a particular spread you can do that, but I prefer just one card for the month. This, as I mentioned, is a nice way to close the practice and maybe give you a little wisdom of something you were thinking of, perhaps confirmation, or just a nice little message from the oracle.

Wisdom of the oracle cards


[20:09] And since we’re on the topic of WOOEY THINGS, I have a little BONUS for you! Look up when the new and full moons for the month are going to be and plug those into your calendar also. 


New moons are all about new beginnings, manifestation, and intention setting. This date would be a good time to try something new, or start something new. It’s also a good time to set any goals that you want to achieve in the next 6 months.


Full moons are great for seeing the full picture of where you’re at with your goals. They are an auspicious time to receive the fruits of your manifestations, or perhaps they are more potent for letting go of what isn’t meant for you. The full moon will be a sort of ending to a chapter that began six months before. It’s an illumination of information and it’s up to you to do what you will with it.


Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of the podcast, please share this with someone you know would LOVE IT! And subscribe to wherever you are listening, or watching today.

You may also like…

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E221: High Performance Habits
 
 

E221: High Performance Habits

Something I witness often as a Healthy Habit Mentor are people trying to up-level their skills, advance their careers, and improve their lives BUT they’re wasting energy on the wrong actions and they aren’t moving forward. 

What those of us who feel “STUCK” need is a reliable set of practices for awakening our greatest potential and abilities! Today I’m going to show you six powerful systems that create your high performance habits…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Intro

[01:00] If you’re new to the show, WELCOME! My name is Valerie LaVigne and I have a 5/1 profile in Human Design. The 1 translates to “Investigator.” Meaning I DIVE DEEP into topics that light me up. One of the things that really empowers me is helping other women reach their greatest potentials, and I do this through my mentorship/coaching services, as well as through this podcast!


One of the ways that I “investigate” is through reading books – mostly non-fiction – and this helps me create the best tools, programs, episodes, and more for my audience and clients. 


I just finished reading High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard and I needed to share it on the podcast with you!


I’ve done a few of these style episodes on the show featuring some other epic books like: Atomic Habits, Limitless, Grit, and The Four Tendencies. 

Other Highly Rated Personal Development Books

Previous “Book Report” style episodes:

Episode 212: Tiny Actions, Remarkable Results (Atomic Habits by James Clear)

Atomic Habit Book


Episode 199: Create LIMITLESS Habits (LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik)

Limitless Book


Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)

Grit Book

Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

The Four Tendencies Book


In these episodes, my intention is to share some of the key takeaways from the book, inspire you to also purchase the book to read yourself, and also to share with you how I apply these learnings within my coaching offers.


Where I Use these Learnings

There are currently three ways to work with me:

The first is through my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship. This is a customized, and intimate container where we work together and dive deep into your specific habits.


The second way to work with me is in our Healthy Habit Membership. This is a virtual community where we learn, and grow together through our habits, and also features special  monthly trainings.


And lastly, I host a 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge which runs 3-4 times per year. In this challenge you get a backstage pass into the monthly coaching program as well as extra support from me for 21 days. Our next challenge is coming up, so join the waitlist today!


Let’s get back to the book!

Who Are High Performers?

[03:32] As I mentioned the book is titled: HIgh Performance Habits, and subtitled: How Extraordinary People Become That Way


Burchard shares examples and stories of “high performers” throughout the book. In his research, programs, and life experiences, he uses the book to answer questions like:

  1. (p.11) Why do some individuals and teams succeed more quickly than others and sustain that success over the long-term?

  2. Of those who pull it off, why are some miserable and others happy on their journey? 

  3. And What motivates people to reach for higher levels of success in the first place, and what kinds of habits, training, and support help them improve faster?


(p.17) In his words, “High performance, as I define it and as the data confirms, is not about getting ahead at all costs. It’s about forming habits that help you both excel in and enrich the full spectrum of your life.”


Burchard shares six deliberate habits that must be consciously chosen and continually revisited to strengthen our character and increase our odds of success. 


To do this, it’s important to move forward with curiosity, which is how I personally try to approach any new book, learning, workshop, training etc. When we can begin with curiosity, we can develop genuine confidence, versus if we were to go into a (new) situation with certainty, we can easily get stuck in our fixed/limited attitude. 



How the Book is Organized

[05:03] If you’ve listened to any of these “book report” style podcasts before, I want to remind you that this is NOT an audio reading of the book. Instead, I try to pull out some of the key points and share with you how I apply them in my work, and also how you can apply some of them today!


For the purpose of today’s episode, I want to share the six high performance habits. Overall, the book is organized into four main parts:


Part one: Introduction

Part two: Personal Habits (aka the first three high performance habits)

Part three: Social Habits (aka the last three high performance habits)

Part four: Sustaining success, otherwise known as the conclusion and a few extra notes of things to consider and look out for when taking action.


While I am going to focus on the habits themselves, I agree with something else Burchard mentions in the introduction of the book. He says to focus on implementing one of these habits at a time, and even with a focus on solely one of the habits, you will start to see how the other five habits improve and expand without any specific action to them.


This is true for all of our good, and bad habits – because as you know, not all habits are created equal! When you start to improve one area of your life, the other areas elevate in response.


My advice would be to listen to the whole episode first, and then choose which habit you want to start with – or if you’re choosing to read the book, same thing. Start with ONE thing at a time. 

YouTube version of this episode is available on my channel.


Burchard Categorizes the first three habits as “Personal Habits.” They are: Seek Clarity, Generate Energy, and Raise Necessity. Let’s take a look at each of them.


HP Habit #1: Seek Clarity

[07:18] I should also mention, within each habit, are three actions or more specific smaller habits, that can help you achieve the main habit. So I guess there aren’t six, but rather 18 habits in the whole book!


The first of the three practices for  “Seek Clarity”, is what Burchard calls “Envision the Future Four.” He’s referring to four categories: self, social, skills, and service.


This is all about getting crystal clear on your vision and intentions. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? Don’t just answer this right now as you’re listening, but daily.


Intention setting is one of my own practices I never miss, and is something I start every challenge, workshop, coaching session, and day with. I teach this in my trainings and I’ve talked about it a lot on the podcast.


Begin everything with an intention. When you figure out who you want to be, and how you want to succeed, you can then choose a Primary Field of Interest and hone in on the skills needed to be the best in this topic. 


Burchard shares a weekly journaling practice to complement this habit to come back to what your intentions, vision, and actions for self, social,skills, and service you want to achieve.


(p.95) For example:

(self) Three words to describe my best self…

(social) Three words that could define how I treat other people…

(skills) The five skills I’m trying to develop most in my life are…

(service) Three simple ways I can add value to those around me this week are…


In this chapter, and throughout the book, Burchard has journaling prompts like this one, that he calls “Performance Prompts.” I found these to be really helpful and insightful, however I ended up skipping over them while I read the book and revisited them after I finished reading. Similar to the tip I gave to you, I wanted to read the whole book before answering the questions so that I could focus on one practice at a time. I found it helpful to go back to them with a whole understanding and more clarity. 


Habit one, practice two: Determine the Feeling You’re After. If you’ve ever worked with me you know that we always start with FEELING. Not how you’re feeling now, or how you felt yesterday, but how do you WANT to feel? 


I was so thrilled to read this chapter of the book because I know, and my clients know, how powerful this practice is. When you can choose a feeling word, you can make more intentional choices throughout the day to help you connect to that feeling. It’s one of the simplest steps with some of the greatest impact.


Habit one, practice three:: Define What’s Meaningful. While some parts of the book felt a little repetitive, I also understand that all of these habits are closely related which is another reason why focusing on one of the habits can positively impact the others.


With this practice, Burchard emphasizes alignment. (p.13) “Achievement is not your problem – alignment is.” All of us have achieved goals in the past, but were these goals meaningful to us?


Part of seeking clarity is understanding and following our passion. With passion we have motivation to execute. 


Growth is another huge motivator. When we can see our growth, or how our impact grows, we are more likely to continue our efforts. 


Contribution is a huge part of success for many people. All of these pieces I’m mentioning here will be different for each of us. Our passions, growth, and contribution are unique to us personally. Understand what those mean to you.


Passion + Growth + Contribution = Personal Satisfaction. This gives meaning to us and our lives. What else? Feeling like our lives make sense, which is known as “coherence”


When we have these things, and connect to these parts, we have meaning. If you’re listening to this, you are a woman making an impact – and hopefully not just any impact, but a MEANINGFUL ONE.


Define your passion, acknowledge your growth, identify your contribution, and recognize your coherence to gain clarity in your meaning.



HP Habit #2: Generate Energy

[11:52] One of the most common complaints I hear from women working with me is that they lack energy, or they’re seeking more energy. When we break down their day-to-day, there are typically some key things that I recognize where we can block energy leaks, or little changes we can make to infuse more energy into the routines.


A big part of lacking energy is a lack of mindfulness. And I love this next practice from the book, which is habit two, practice one: Release Tension, Set Intention.


Setting the day with an intention is wonderful and impactful to your life. But what if you set an intention before EVERY interaction, situation, and activity? 


Getting in the habit of taking a short pause between tasks is life-changing. This is something I’ve been practicing for years! And funnily enough, I learned it from Brendon Burchard before reading this book. It’s a simple practice of closing your eyes, taking a few deep breaths, releasing tension in the body and mind, and setting an intention for how you want to show up to what’s in front of you.


Whether that’s an email, a zoom call, time with family, relaxing with a book, or starting your workday. 


Habit two, practice two: Bring the Joy. This practice has a lot to do with emotional intelligence and being the agent of your own energy and wellbeing. 


One of the key learnings of my life was that I am responsible for my own energy, and I am not responsible for how others receive me or my energy. That also means, my responses to other people have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.


Burchard says, “joy is a prerequisite to high performance.” (p.110) and it’s a huge part of what makes High Performers so successful. 


You can ask yourself “What can I get excited about today?” to help you get excited about your activities. Practice anticipating positive outcomes for your day, actions, and goals.


Some practice that help achieve this joyful attitude are:

  • Gratitude practice (such as a journal or meditation)

  • Set a daily timer on your phone to remind you to “bring the joy”

  • Choose someone you can surprise with a thank you gift or share your appreciation for them


Habit two, practice three: Optimize Health. I am no stranger to an overwhelming schedule, an endless task list, and the go-go-go society we live in. While I enjoy a full calendar, I know that a lot of what I do is not sustainable long-term.


What I will say, is that the reason why I am able to wear a lot of the hats that I wear and not burn out every other day, is BECAUSE of the habits, routines, rituals, and systems I’ve set up in my life and business. 


Health is a huge priority for me. I invest in this area of my life because I know how valuable being healthy is to everything that I do. 


Women who work with me know this also, and that is one of their reasons for working with me, it’s so that they can invest in this area of health and wellness, and build those habits that can allow them to make a meaningful impact.



HP Habit #3: Raise Necessity

[15:24] This chapter is quite lengthy and is specific to Performance Necessity which has internal and external forces. These are (internal): Identity and Obsession with a Topic/Process, and (external): Social Duty, Obligation, or Purpose, and Urgency (real deadlines).


To me, this is also a little repetitive with the first habit of seeking clarity. However, I understand why it is separate because it branches off into other areas. Let’s look at the practices for this habit for deeper comprehension. 


Habit three, practice one: Know Who Needs Your A Game. My biggest takeaway with this practice is that it’s important to be present. You can’t perform at your best if you’re distracted and your attention is divided. Again, you can ask yourself, “Who needs me at my A Game?” to get the clarity on where your attention needs to be at the moment.


This is about focusing on the important tasks at hand, and not getting distracted by the things that don’t matter.


Habit three, practice two: Affirm the Why. Knowing your why is similar to setting your intention and connecting to your desired feeling, so the next step is to declare it. Literally say it out loud, and often.


This is one of the things that is so powerful about working with a coach, it’s that you are physically speaking your why, and in turn affirming it. You also have the accountability from another person who can remind you of your why.


Speaking of other people, habit three, practice three: Level Up Your Squad. You’ve probably heard before that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.


Take a moment to consider who those five people are. Can you think of other friends, family, or acquaintances that you could spend more time with to level up your squad?


One of the things that I did early on in my entrepreneurial journey was find mentors who had books, podcasts, courses that I could consume. I spent hours listening to everything I could; while working out, when I was driving. It was a HUGE part of my growth and success.


Okay friends, you’re halfway there! I know this is a thick book hahaha, but honestly I really enjoyed it and I do recommend it!


The next three habits are Social Habits.

HP Habit #4: Increase Productivity 

[18:10] It’s a pretty shitty feeling when you’re so busy and don’t feel like you’re getting or have gotten anywhere. It’s the furthest action from meaning or purpose and really kills the joy. So it comes at no surprise that “Increasing Productivity” is a habit of High Performers.


Habit four, practice one: Increase the Outputs that Matter. Of course, there are things that must be done by us that we might not thoroughly enjoy. And if you’re always doing work that you don’t enjoy or find meaningful, then it’s likely that you will not feel balanced. 


One of the easiest ways we can do this is by taking a break. When it comes to work, Burchard recommends, “If you want to feel more energized, creative, and effective at work – and still leave work with enough oomph for the “life” part – the ideal breakpoint is to stop your work and give your mind and body a break every forty-five to sixty minutes.” (p.197)


That’s including the tasks that are moving the needle forward.


Speaking of moving, habit four, practice two: Chart Your FIve Moves. You may think multitasking is helping you achieve more, when it’s actually decreasing your productivity significantly (as much as 25% each time you task switch). 


By having your clear goals and intentions, you can focus on the outputs that matter and break those goals down into five moves that are going to have the most impact. 


This wasn’t necessarily a new concept for me to learn, but it was a great chapter with examples and tangible practices to progress in a meaningful way. 


A question you can ask to help you with this is, “If there were only five major moves to make [your] goal happen, what would they be?” (p.210)


This is something I want to bring into my own goals, as well as how I support my clients. There are always steps to take or “homework” so to speak, but I like that it’s specifically five moves. It helps keep the trajectory clear and concise. 


Habit four, practice three: Get Insanely Good at Key Skills (Progressive Mastery). I mentioned before, choosing a primary field of interest. What are the key skills that you can develop to help you thrive in this field?


There’s no doubt that personal growth and development is important and a priority to High Performers, and what makes it specific to their success is that the key skills are supporting their mastery. 


This obviously will be different for everyone. For myself, I am working at being a better leader, public speaker, and improving my video skills for my new Youtube channel. 


What about you? What skills are you working on? Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife


HP Habit #5: Develop Influence

[21:08] You can imagine that High Performers are also very influential. While I first you might think that having influence is not entirely in our control, “It turns out that no matter your personality, you can develop more influence in the world than you probably imagine.” (p.237)


To do this, focus on these three practices. Habit five, practice one: Teach People How to Think. Including how they think about themselves, about others, and about the world.


While the chapter goes into a lot of detail with examples and “performance prompts,” the best place to start with this practice is to ask the following questions:

  • How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about themselves?

  • How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about other people?

  • How do I want (my team, audience, etc.) to think about the world at large?


Answering these first will give you the clarity you need to move forward. In my own practice I want my clients to think of themselves as leaders. To think of themselves as worthy of achieving their goals and dreams. I want them to think of other people as supportive members of their own communities. They are people who are impacted by my clients, and also impact them. I want them to think of the world at large as an endless space of possibilities and opportunities for growth, change, love, and freedom.


Habit five, practice two: Challenge People to Grow. Okay so this is what I do in four words. Challenging people to grow means observing their character, contributions, and connections and actively challenging them to further develop these things. 


A lot of people come to me with habits or routines that aren’t working, and I use the ones that ARE working to help improve the other areas. Remember, when one area of your life starts to improve, so do all the other areas. 


Habit five, practice three: Role Model the Way. You might have already heard the quote “Be strong, you never know who you are inspiring.: Well HIgh Performers know that they’re inspiring people, and this goes beyond being or staying strong. 


How can you start showing up with integrity, joy, authenticity, and excellence?



Let’s wrap these incredible practices up, here is our last HIgh Performance Habit.

HP Habit #6: Demonstrate Courage

[23:44] Before reading this chapter I knew I was going to love it, and I also knew that this is an area that I’ve been neglecting in my own life for some time. Well that’s true and also I have habits that support my courage, but I also know that I could be doing better in this area.


Habit six, practice one: Honour the Struggle. A huge and empowering mindset shift for when you’re feeling like the world is against you, is to recognize the lesson in the challenge. How can I grow from this situation? What have I learned from this experience? How can I move forward with more strength, and wisdom?


Life isn’t always easy and joyful, but “this too shall pass,” and when it does, are you coming out stronger, or are you letting the struggle and pain define you and be excuses as to why you aren’t growing?


Habit six, practice two: Share Your Truth and Ambitions. When it comes to working with women, this is one of the most common and heartbreaking areas in which they’re lacking – yes even women who are making an impact. 


Even though it’s easier than ever for us to share our truth publicly with our audiences and communities, it’s just as easy to be ridiculed for them. Whether we’ve felt the need to hold back and stay small because of childhood, generational trauma, or not having the tools, I definitely recognized that this practice is… under practiced!


And if there is one thing that I have learned from hosting this podcast these last few years, it’s that your voice, your story, and your truth matter. People care, and people are listening, and people WANT to learn and grow from you. So share your truth and ambitions with the world.



Habit six, practice three: Find Someone to Fight For. I like the way Burchard says this so I’m going to quote the book for this one:

“We need a noble cause to rise for. High performers tend to make that cause just one person – they want to fight for that person so they can be safe, improve, or live a better quality of life. You will do more for others than for yourself. And in doing something for others, you will find your reason for courage, and your cause for focus and excellence.” (p.371)


Your Next Steps

[26:12] If you want to move the needle toward progress, start with one of these habits. Choose one to commit to for the next month at least. Track your progress in a journal, or podcast, or video – however you like to share and measure your success.


If you’re looking for more books like this one, more tools for growth, or you’re ready to deepen your transformation with healthy habits, I’d love to invite you to apply for my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program, to see if working together would be the right fit.

www.valerelavignelife.com/mentorship 

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E220: Step into Your Magnetic Power Unapologetically with Shae McLeod
 
 

E220: Step into Your Magnetic Power Unapologetically with Shae McLeod

Today I’m excited to introduce you to, Realtor, Investor, Mindset Coach & Entrepreneur. 

Shae McLeod’s dynamic personality and passion for helping others really shines through in this episode as she shares her story with us!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:45] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm very thrilled to introduce you to our new guest today. This is Shae in the cloud and she and I have been getting to know each other. I think it's been a couple of months now.


But we actually met at exhale Pilates. And what I want to say before you get into your story and all the amazing things that you do is that when I first met you, you really took my breath away and I really view this as a compliment because you came in and you have this really lovely aura about you. You have this like competence and doing something new. So most of the time when I have new people coming to the studio who have never been on a reformer before, there's this cautious energy about them and they are excited, but they're really nervous and I feel I feel like when I met you, you came in and you're like, I'm ready for this change in this new thing and I'm excited and as I got to know you I kind of understand that a little bit more. You are someone who dirt bikes and you have this incredible team of empowered women and you know, just it starts to the pieces of the puzzle start to come together and you're like, okay, yes, this all makes sense now but at first, it was just a really incredible First meeting you gave me a great first impression. I loved our conversation. and so I'm thrilled to have you on the podcast today. So thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.


[02:21] Shae McLeod: Thank you so much. This is honestly this is so exciting and I definitely you know I love that you picked up on like aura and just how excited I was to be there. I love living my life trying new things and just kind of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. and when I went into the studio, I was like, Oh my gosh, I have no idea what I'm doing but I was so excited to be there and you made the experience so pleasant so exciting for me so I am really happy to be here and I can't wait to dive a little bit deeper into my story with you guys.


VL: That's so great because I'm glad you said dive right in because you really do dive in with two feet. Jump in with two feet I've noticed. So take us behind the scenes into what you do and how you got to where you are and then let's dissect that a little bit more because I really think your story is something that people can really feel empowered by and inspired from. I know I certainly do so in your own words. Tell us about yourself. 


SM: Thanks so much. Okay, so I will start with my name is Shae McLeod. I am an investor focus realtor, and I have a real estate team. We operate in multiple markets across Ontario. And we are called McLeod and Associates. We are a team of strong, successful female entrepreneurs who are really just trying to make a difference, kind of outside of the typical real estate team. You know, the vibe that a lot of teams put out and just show that we're great. We're great women, successful women doing honest business and really trying to change the lives of clients to the other side of the fat. I also have a professional fun hammer.


I grew up on a farm 100 acre hobby farm. I was a farm girl most people I still am most people don't think I am because they see me and my work outfits but I grew up on 100 acre hobby farm. I had cows chickens goats horses. To this day I still ride horses I dirt bike anything that has wheels that goes fast off road. I love to be on so as you said I loved her biking that's just like one of my guilty pleasures. That's one of the ways that I enjoy just taking it all in and just getting back to myself clearing my head but also having fun. On the side of that I also invest in real estate so I invest in short term rentals and multifamily investments across Ontario and Alberta. So I have 20 plus unit and building apartment building in Calgary and I also have some short term rentals outside of bath in Canmore, Alberta as well as I have STRS in Muskoka. So I think anybody who has actually spoken to me or follows me on social so that I have this very deep calling towards just being outdoors surrounded by water and trees. I've been like that since I was a kid.


I'm very intuitive and very empathic and so going up north and just being in nature, something that just recharges my soul. And so I spend a lot of time up there. As I think you saw I leave moving up there in about a week.


So yeah, it's pretty I definitely try to keep my life interesting on all ends. I'm never not doing something that I think that's just what makes my life, really.


I enjoy spending a lot of time with my family and you know, my girls on my team, they're a big part of my family as well as my clients. So I would say I'm a very well versed person, but I also enjoy, you know, taking time out to really enjoy life, whether it's traveling, writing before spending time and just relaxing. I really do try to push out the importance of just keeping your mindset in a very healthy place. And whether that's through you know, regular things like going to Pilates or just taking time to just be alone and just meditate. I really do encourage people to do that. That's kind of one of the ways that I live my life so that I can keep my energy in a very high peak state. and it's been working.


[06:32] VL: Yeah, it's definitely been working and I think what makes you so magnetic is that you invest in yourself and your hobbies and the things that you love and as much as your business is so successful and your team of these really is growing.


They obviously are attracted to to your aura into your energy as well. But it's like, because you are doing what you're doing. It gives people this permission to also step into their own power and into their own interests and be able to invest in them on them, their own selves and again, it magnifies and it just keeps listening, inspiring and igniting people to do the cool things and to, you know, not have to be stuck to one way of being and I really see this in your marketing and your socials. I've never seen a relative to be promoted.


Honestly, look like you're just like, wait, are these the new Spice Girls?


[07:47] SM: Oh, that's perfect. And you know what that was? A very big thing for me. I gotta be completely honest with you. When I created my real estate team, it was a very unorthodox approach. At the time. My business partner and I we had a renovation company and we were working on a lot of local projects in kW and surrounding areas. And we reached a point where we were working with realtors regularly whether it was for work or for our own personal investments, and things that we had on the go. And I had this horrific experience with the realtor and I think you know, for it was for a few reasons. I think one of them was the fact that we were really young. And I do think that sometimes, you know, millennials are underrepresented, especially in the real estate field. And so sometimes people don't take you as seriously or you don't get treated with the same amount of you know, customer service that you would expect You deserve.


To find it was happening too often until one day I got really frustrated and I said to myself, Okay, you know what, I'm gonna do this. I don't know I'm gonna do it better. And I I would definitely consider myself a fixer. If I see a problem. If I can't find something to help you do what I need help with, then I will create it and I will do business out of it. And so I've done that to my real estate team. I've done that through investing and I've also got my property management company that I hope to Muskoka and one of the big things for me when I got my real estate license was i i spent a lot of time really struggling with my identity and growing up and so when I say that I I grew up in Scarborough. I was born in Scarborough. I lived in Scarborough for about three years.


But I grew up in poverty. My mom she came here as an immigrant from Jamaica, and she was very young when she came, and she had myself she had two brothers and my cousin, as well as three other cousins. And we all live in a not so wonderful location in Scarborough. And we lived in a two bedroom and this was an apartment building. And so to have that many people in an apartment building, it was very it was very chaotic is what I would say there was always food on the table. My mom made sure that my brothers and I we always had a wonderful experience just like anybody else. But it was definitely very different. And then when there's three my mom reconnected with a love of her life from high school who had also emigrated to Canada, and he actually was living in the country. And so my mom packed all of us city kids up and was like, let's go and we're going to a farm. And it was very interesting, because at the time there weren't many black people. In this really small school community that we lived in. So it was a complete culture shock. And even at my high school, I think there was like one or certainly not in high school and public school there was like, I think there was one other kid who was the next kid who was also there. So again, it was a very big culture shock because I went from city life to living on a farm with responsibility with chores, you know, caring for animals being on 100 acres being in a place where, you know, we didn't have city buses that could pick you up, you know, and so it was very interesting for me because it taught me quite a bit about just how much a change like that can affect you in for you know, my teenage years. I really struggled with who I wanted to be. Did I want to be fancy che who gets up or hair was the next makeup and you know or do I want to be country rochet he just wants to sit back hang out with my animals in the field with no shoes on my feet. And it wasn't until my transition after high school where I decided I'm just going to be if I want to go and if I want to be rochet che that's where I'm going to be and if I want to you know decided that I want to be you know, this version of shame where I'm all decked out ready for work. i That's who I'm going to be as well. So basically kind of amalgamated both of my personalities into one and I started to embrace it. I embrace being different. I really just I really encourage people around me to do the same. I don't you know, I think that at the time society had really tried to make everybody so much alike. And I feel like when you can live your life in a way where you just stand out no matter what you stay true to you, that's when you really shine. So when I got my license and I was looking around real estate teams to become part of I really struggled because I didn't find a team that I felt represented me. And I had spent so many years of my life struggling with who I wanted to be and how I wanted to be and who I wanted to be known as that I didn't want to just align with any and every real estate team. I wanted one that spoke to who I was, but I also wanted one that really made me helps me to kind of continue my career whether that was in real estate or investing.


And I couldn't find one. So I said you know what? I had a conversation with my broker. A good friend of mine now and he had asked me to go on his team and I respectfully declined. and he said to me, che you got this crazy look in your eyes and I see it like, you're gonna go off and you're gonna be a real commitment. you're gonna make your own team. he's like, I can just see it. And that's exactly what I did.


So I went off for a year as a solo agent. I started putting together a business plan of what I wanted to look like.


A year later, it was a really crazy transition in my life where, you know, the perfect path that I had been on myself and my business partner's time, it kind of ruptured going quickly.

And I was definitely in a sink or swim kind of place. and I said, you know what, this sounds crazy because so many things are falling apart. that I really didn't want to put the time fall apart. But something in me, saying, Go girl, you got to put everything you have into this vision into this into this, you know, I had this vision of who I am now.


Back then when I was super young, I'm just kind of still living paycheck to paycheck or starting a new career. And I went to my team. I started reaching out to women that I know.


Back then when I was super young, I'm just kind of still living paycheck to paycheck or starting a new career. And when I went to my team, I started reaching out to women that I know And that in the past women that were just friends or in social circles, women that I knew who had been through some really crazy things, Things that be whatever through and have been able to come out of it to this wonderful version.


But an apologetic version of themselves. I joined forces with these women that I created. And so we get a lot. We get a lot of questions. about our marketing. 


Super successful, beautiful young women and we're, you know, we have a very big dream. And people say to me, Do you only hire pretty people? I'm like, No. Like, what defines pretty like is for me pretty is more than just like your physical appearance. It's who you are inside and every single one of these women that I was so grateful to be in business today. They have a beautiful heart and they genuinely care about people and they've been through so much that I really do feel like it adds such a creative edge to our team. We're very diverse, which I also love and it's honestly been a big thing. I was able to take my experience and the things that I went through and to help these women build a career in a space that they love, while helping other clients who, honestly most of our clients, if not all turned into very good friends. It's been pretty cool. because you know the version of who I am now. I saw this version of me five years ago. I just had no idea how I was gonna get there, but I just knew This is my dream. This is my goal. I'm gonna get there. if I didn't give up. put the work in And here I am.


[16:14] VL: Oh, my goodness, I learned so many more things about you that I knew before this call. So wow, what an incredible journey that you've been on and I really do. Also recognize that fire in your eyes and I know that this is the success of associates and for yourself too as an individual. This is so exciting. Congratulations on all of this. Wow.


SM: It's a lot and it's interesting because I don't always tell my story because a lot of people are very quick to judge the book by its cover and you will meet me. They see the glamour side of che but they don't know that.


They don't know the things that I've been through in my life My family's been through. So to be able to take all those things and using as ammunition and fuel to just be determined to rise and be determined to be successful. And one of my biggest things is my mom has been she's been one of my biggest supporters. Since day one. I went to school twice. I have two very expensive pieces of paper. And I'm super grateful for it. But I reached at you know, my early 20s I was like I can't do this for 30 years and then just got a regular pension and work nine to five towards somebody else's dream and then be told I can only go on vacation for four weeks out of a year. I realized that I can't do this. And you know when I went to my mom and I'm like Nam, think I gotta go back to school. You know, like, this real estate thing is still on my conscious. Like I feel it. I gotta go for it. But I was so wrapped up in student debt. And I'm like, financially I have no idea how I'm gonna do this. And even though she's like you know what Third time's the charm. She said to me, honey, you know what, don't worry about it. You want to do this? I will support you and she had funded my she's given me a loan for me to get my real estate license and I promised her I said, Mom, I'm gonna pay you back. I'm going to pay you back with interest and I'm going to make the rest of your life the best of her life because truly, she my mom was very much like me where you know, she always would find a way to make things work for my brothers and I so we've never, we never realized we weren't you know, we were living at the poverty line because she did what she could so that you had the same experiences. And one of my greatest blessings about you know, my career is the things that I've been able to do for her the places that I've been able to take her and we can travel to together and even you know, one of my biggest goals I was writing down three years ago was I wanted to buy her a brand new car. So you know, when I got my real when I got my license, and I was really young, she bought me my very first car. And I said to myself, You know what? I don't know how much you know, we never know when our time on this earth is out but the last thing I'm gonna do, I'm gonna buy her a vehicle.


​​I was able to buy her a brand new Ford Bronco. And that to me was so exciting because she literally believed in my vision, and helped to find my vision until I can now pay her back and do the small things. to show her how much I appreciate it. so yeah, that's pretty cool.


[19:32] VL: Oh, my goodness, I have goosebumps. I'm teary. I was not prepared for this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now. What an incredible woman to have in your life. Which was, as you were saying, your story kind of answered a question that I had was this drive.  I can see that a lot. If it does come from your story in your background. Now someone else?


A challenging upbringing or chaotic family situation as you described. What would you say to someone who has those big goals and dreams and is struggling with their environment or their resources or lack thereof? What would you say to that person?


[20:33] SM: Well, I would actually, I would remind them of a quote that one of my agents who's also a very close friend of mine, Taylor Mercado, said to me, There's this quote and it says, you know, the only way out is through.


And I think it resonates so deeply with me because there are hardships in every different aspect of her life. Every new version of you is going to come with some sort of Heartbreak. Or some sort of very hard, frustrating situation. And the best thing you need to do is when you're in those situations, you have to see it through. You have to recognize the situation for what it is. But at that point, you also have to plan your way out and you have to just keep going. That is I think a lot of people get super stuck with just a hard circumstance where they have why me and you know, and trust me, you're gonna go through those times in life where things feel impossible, but you can't give up on that life that you've pictured for yourself. You can't give up on your dreams. You can't give up on your goals. I'm very big and manifesting very big. When it comes to vision boards and creating your future. Every single agent on my team, they are into it as well because I kind of showed them like I showed them my vision boards. I've showed them my goals and things that I've manifested. And I think you know, a lot of people they just get so sidetracked thinking, this is going to be easy, but when you're working to the life of your dreams, it's going to be hard. But you're going to come out with so much stronger and if you give it and give up. You're always going to regret what if I just saw it through what if I just stayed the course. And so one of the things that I believe in is just recognizing where you're at. And when you're stuck waiting for a situation that's just not you know, you're not deserving or you're just in a place where you're really low. You got to see it for what it is. Take your time and heal through it. And keep going. Don't stop going. Like I said when I will side story. I have lots of side stories. But I remember when I was getting my real estate license, there was one course and I failed this course five times and like I was so frustrated because I was working a full time job. I was managing a renovation business, my business partner and I had and I was studying for a real estate license. Oh, and I was also working as a part time bridal stylist once and I wasn't focused, and I kept failing this exam. And every time I failed the exam my partner at the time he would be like don't worry, you caught this got this. And then I failed it.


You know they say third time's a charm. Well, that's a lie, because fourth time came when I failed it again. And then when I failed it my partner at the time said to me you know I don't really think that you're cut out for for this like, I don't think this is the right career for you because you just keep battling so maybe you don't have what it takes. And I just remember I was driving through the survey. Go on my way home. And I was so pissed because at the time that was my partner, you know, they're supposed to be pushing you up and encouraging you and basically this person was like, on the way out of the relationship. I kept failing with this test. And so one day I just got got so mad I was driving home and like you know what? I don't care if I have to write this stupid text 20 times. I don't get back to writing 100 times. I'm gonna keep writing it until I pass it because I'm gonna pass it and I'm gonna get my license. And it was at that moment. I saw in my head. Like I saw my mind's eye I would say, I saw this Shae. I saw Boss Shae i saw them women and the clients but people aren't going to help out. I'm like, okay, I'm doing this. I'm doing this come hell or high water and nobody's gonna stop me. And I feel like it was at that time I really started pursuing this career for me.


And I think that's another big thing is that whenever you're working towards a goal or a dream, it has to be about If you make it about somebody else, whether it's your parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, it's you're not going to get the same level of satisfaction. you're not going to be invested. When you make it a personal, personal thing that you have to have, you have a very different vibe in your eyes.


You know, it was that person that I had what it took that stood the back up and I'm like, Let's go cry, study and it was right after that. I passed that test!


[25:11] VL:  Congratulations again. That's amazing. And I feel like you're answering my questions before I asked them but in the industry that you're in, but also just young, business owner, young entrepreneur, I mean, I hear it all the time too. You're too young for this or how do you know that or you need another 10 years of experience for this or whatever the criticism is, or it's not for you. And it comes from the industry. It comes from partners, it comes from people who aren't really your clients, but find you somehow and you share this story about that voice in your head that says No, I can do the hits. Are there other things that help you move through that criticism that helped you overcome the noise around you? What are some of the other things that support you in your journey?


SM: I would say you know, one of the big things I feel like everything kind of comes from somewhere. And so I'll never forget, you know, when I had recently started my team, I remember I had a very big client, a $3 million client and that's it's hard to find clients like that, especially when you're newer in the industry, especially when you're young. And this person believed in me, gave me a shot and I was not going to let them down. And you know, I remember pulling up meeting them for the first time and they were pulling up to a property and I pulled up with at the time I was driving a Mercedes at $90,000 car at the time. That was a lot of money for a nice car. And he said to me, Wow, nice car. Like, you know, you look really young. So like how are you? How are you driving this car and it  was pretty incredible for me because I remember growing up as a kid. 


We didn't get things handed to us. But you said very resentful during my rebellion years with my parents because we had chores before we got on the school bus for milking  cows, and goats milking cows and we had a lot of chores and putting a lot of sweat on. Nothing was given to us for free.


They really instilled in me as I got older the value of hard work, the value of discipline, the value focused and just putting in the time because most people don't.


As I got older my business things that are trying to get people to stay focused on is just what you bring to the table.


One of the biggest, you know, one of the biggest roadblocks and I personally believe that a personal encounter in their life is their mind. Your mind will help you create your life. Your mind will help you get every single thing to dream or turn it around every single day. You know, I think it's Jim Rohn who says you need to stay on guard to your mind, that to me it's so powerful. Because you have to know you have to know why you're on this path to where you're going. You can't leave that up to anybody else. And I think that that's been one of my you know, I call it like you know, one of my secrets. That really helps me with my success when you know who you are. And I think it sounds so trite and like mundane, but there's a lot of people who are traveling around this world they don't even know who they are as a person and I say when you know who you are unapologetically, you know that you're made for more and you're meant to change the lives of others. That is a gift that I feel like you know, everybody comes to this world at a certain blueprint. And when you know what that is, your mission is to just spread that everywhere. And so I've become so I know who I am. I've spent so many years, you know, in healing and just discovering more.


So now, you know, that's one of my biggest assets is you know, I know who I am, where I'm going, the life I'm gonna live, the people I'm gonna surround myself with and the amazing things I'm going to accomplish for myself and others. And I say that because I'm not distracted by other people and their other concerns and thoughts and so yeah, like I think the biggest thing is just becoming you know, so in tune with who you are that the white noise in the background.


It doesn't even matter. It doesn't affect you. If somebody were to you know, one of the big things our team gets is wow, you first look so like stuck up like you're so serious and it's intimidating. And I'm like, Are we intimidating? Are you intimidated? Because if you take a second and you walk up to me, we will welcome you into our arms and we will talk to you like we are not we are very approachable people. And so, you know, it's one of those things where if somebody were to come and say, hey, you know what, Val, you're not a good person. Well, you know, that's not true because you are a wonderful person. You've created part of your life mission to help people and so it's just white noise It doesn't affect you because you are so unapologetically yourself that all that stuff that can't get in your you know, you're standing on guard to your mind and when you protect that at all costs, that's when you really elevating your life. And so, if I'm at a bomb in a place where you know, I have a lot on the go with work and you know, things are kind of going sideways. I'm really stressed out. I don't keep working. You can ask the girl the girls know, like, okay Shae’s off, I will catch me riding a horse, or hey Shae is going dirt biking. today. I really do take time to protect my energy to protect my mind. And when I'm tired, I rest I don't give up. I rest and then I keep going. And so yeah, I think honestly just being in tune with who you are and what you do, and I think a big part of my you know, healing journey honestly has been Pilates. This has been something that I've been interested in for over a year and I couldn't find that the right place and speaking with another contact who come a girlfriend in the same investment space, and they were like go to exhale. I'm like okay, it's like 45 minutes from me, but I'm going And I remember the first time my first session I had so much stress, Like I there's always stress that's going to be in your life as a realtor or as an entrepreneur.


To make matters even more interesting, I have ADHD and so I'm always going and I remember after my first class, I walked out of there, I was like, holy smokes, my mind felt relaxed. I felt so calm and at ease and it was you had switched up the movement so quickly that you know I didn't have  ADHD brain where I was getting bored. like, there was always something that I was focusing on. and I was like, wow, I gotta go to more of these classes like this is terrible.


So yeah, I would say honestly, it's just protecting your mental health and protecting your energy. and just knowing apologetically who you are, and when you know you're here to do good, there's nobody else's opinion that can get to you. because, you know, in my world, people who are just kind of coming at you with negativity, it's because they're in a negative space. and I work so hard at keeping my energy in check, that whenever I feel that coming towards me I'm just like, backup, we're done.


[33:00] VL:Well, thank you so much for coming to exhale, because I'm so glad that we could meet that way. And speaking to that, you know, the story of people. Are they intimidated by you? Are you intimidating? I think that part of that aura is that you are so confident and sure on your own true self and you live authentically when someone isn't living authentically and they aren't expressing their true selves.


And so of course, they're gonna project and say, Oh, you're intimidating, actually. No, I'm whole and myself. And so that scares people who who don't have that same confidence. 


SM: So yeah, and it wasn't really always that's the big thing. Those people who know me from high school and my public school and like even growing up I was very interesting person. I had a speech impediment that started very young. So I started are like really bad. And that took me years to get through that transition and I wasn't confident in my looks you know, I I got made fun of often because at the time like growing up I had a gap between what am I at like in between my friend tea but had a big nose. I had big lips and big boobs. And people were like, wow, like you're not this like cookie cutter. And honestly, I used to. I was so I would let those opinions get to me. And then one day, that was when I would say shade was born. I was like no more. I'm just gonna embrace this and whoever's gonna like it, they're gonna like it and who does it doesn't and that's okay. You know, I'm not everybody's cup of tea and vice versa, and you just have to surround yourself with the people who gravitate towards you that have that great energy, and the ones who don't, that's okay.


[34:58] VL: What were some of the things that you did help you tune into your own true self and know who you are? Because you are so many different things that make up you, right? Like we're not just our job. We're not just where we came from. We're not just our hobbies and interests. We're all of these things. So how are you able to tune into all of that and step into your own truth?


SM: I would say the biggest part has been my family.


Very close with my family, very close with my siblings, my nieces. And you know, these are people who see me, they've seen happy Shae, sad Shae, they've never judged me. They've always been there. They support me, and they're like my cheerleaders. And so I would say, you know, a really healthy relationship with your family is very important. That was number one. Number two was therapy. And I say this because I am the person that every single person in my friend group when things are going wrong. My phone's ringing, They're at my door. I'm the fixer. And I've been like that since I was a kid. I believe that my empathic and intuitive nature, which brings a lot of this to me, will naturally feel comfortable coming to me and opening up about things that they're going through. 


And as much as I enjoy doing it, and I still love doing it, I didn't have my own element. And I had so many people who were coming to me about their problems all the time, that at times people didn't see things that I was going through. And when I finally decided to go and speak to somebody, it was very hard for me because I was a person who if somebody didn't see the value, I was just kind of struggling with Hey, do you believe this? And I met a phenomenal, phenomenal counselor and she is still in my life to this day. We have monthly check-ins and you know, sometimes they're literally just like a hey, how's it going? I always say cuz she sent me like, hey, Shay, like you don't need me anymore. And I'm like, No, Allison, like, we're friends now. You know too much about my life. And we have these like monthly touch bases. You know, I've helped her put together a woman's program that she's using to help change the lives of other women. I think the big thing is when you have a strong, competent personality and that you are that person.


We tend to keep a lot of things inside, which can overtime break us down. So if you're not looking for those healthy outlets to let those things out, have that space where you can just talk about the things that are going on in your head or how you're feeling judged or criticized and critiqued, I think it's so important and so there was a game changer for me.


So I would say, you know, I would say, you know, getting your Mental Health Check is huge. Because I think it's the strongest people and people who are there for everybody who sometimes need the extra help the most. And I think that it's okay to get that. I think people think, Hey, you got it. Something's wrong with you. but your mental health is all you have. So if it's not in check, it's very hard to be successful or maintain the level of success that's gonna keep you going. And so yeah, therapy was one.


And I would say the other transition was, you know, just owning who you are. I think we live in a generation where people are, you know, they're made to want to look like everybody else. Talk like everybody else. Act like everybody else has the same lifestyle. You know, get to school, get a great job, get married, have kids by the house.


And, you know, and I used to be one of those people. I was like, 25 years old, the guy I was dating at the time, I was like, you know, like, are you in this for the long run or what because don't waste my time. This is my last my 20s and they took that relationship falling apart for me to really realize like, you know, I'm not doing everything according to plan. I am taking the unbeaten path. I don't have a family. I don't have a spouse. I don't have kids, but I have so much more in my life that I'm grateful for that I didn't have and I know that my time is coming, I'm gonna get all those things. And so I just had to own who I was and my situation and just, you know, see the situation as it is, but don't see it as worse than it is and so, I feel like when you can look at you know, life in with that kind of mentality. And that mindset, it really does help. Because, again, I think every single morning, you know, there's all these battles that you have to fight and the biggest one I think is your mental health. 


So one of the strategies that I've been doing SEO for the last seven years, is I wake up when you wake up, that is when you decide what your day is going to be like in either grab my phone, and I can look at my 50 Plus emails. or I can go on social media, and I can see, you know, positive things and negative things in the news.


I can open my gratitude journal, and I can write down five things I'm grateful for at that moment. And it's honestly such a powerful exercise. I would recommend anybody who would do this, go to the dollar store, get a book and write five things. and I write that as the first thing I do when I wake up. and that is the last thing I do.


So it can be something as you know, I love waking up to the sun.


So I always leave with the curtains open. When I wake up in the sun shining in I'm like Hello. Okay, let's get this day, like, I love it.


You know what I bet it can be something as grateful for as simple as you know. I work closely with every single feature on my team and I have conversations with all of them on a regular basis and it can be as simple as a simple conversation for something as simple as you know, last night I fell asleep holding my things, small things that just make her happy. Whatever it is that makes you feel sad from the inside out, Write it down. And it's been a wonderful practice that has really helped me do the other thing that I do every single day, and this before I start my workday or do any kind of cleaning call is my goal journal.


This one is actually on my computer because it's the fastest way that I can access it. So I sit down and I write down between, like, starting off as 10 goals.


And now it's at 30 Because I always know as you keep getting better and I started giving myself some really hard goals and like okay universe let's see if I can do this. We just put it down. And, you know, I keep rewriting these new goals and adding new goals until I achieve them. And when I achieve my goal, I celebrate it. I think people get so caught up with working Hustle Hustle all gas no brakes has been too like your body is basically breaking down.


I don't believe in that. I believe in treating yourself. I believe that we have one life to live and we're not meant to just sit here and work. And so when I achieve a goal, I will do things whether that's going out to take myself out. I'm one of those weird people I take myself out for dinner by myself. Just cut And or you know me taking a vacation or you know me by myself something special. I do take the time to spoil myself and treat myself, especially when I hit a goal because I think goals are massive. targets that when you achieve them, they deserve recognition. So, that will be another thing that I would recommend.


And I would say just keep your body active. This is one of the continuing goals that is still on my list that I'm still working on. And that's what brought me to you.


I do you know, I think staying fit is very important for you not just mentally but physically. And over the last two years I went through a crazy experience that really catapulted my health and mental health and my physical health. And I finally got to this place where I was like, okay, girl, Let's go. it's time to do something about this. So I went and joined another gym and got a new trainer. And that was amazing. it's still great. I enjoy going. I love my trainer. He's phenomenal. We want to have fun together.


But I was like I need something that's going to reset my mind. And so one of the things you know that I can say is I never really I didn't really practice yoga, but something about Pilates spoke to me and that has been huge when it comes to just keeping myself focused.


Yeah, I think it's very important to just have those specific outlets, as well as just having a group of what I call more people. These are people who are going to be there for you during the highs or the lows, people who you can really go to and you can just tell them how you're feeling. You can communicate with them, they support you, they give you ideas. To this day, you know, even when I'm making decisions I will call agents on my team individually be like, Hey, Taylor, like what do you think about this? Hey, Caitlin, what about this and they're like, they love that I trust their opinion, and I trust their judgment. and I'm just offering you know, looking for advice. and so I do think that people that you surround yourself with really do help.


That's probably one of the hardest transitions I would say as you build your business and as you start going with you know, your life and be more successful. There's a lot of people from my past who I genuinely love. They've been wonderful to me, but I do believe in friendship. Everything has a certain season in life.


[43:34] VL: Oh my goodness, you have. You have taught us so much about ourselves connected into who we are: confidence, energy, stepping into being unique and different. I mean, what happened? What happened to us today? This has been such an amazing conversation. I feel like I could talk to you for hours longer. But I also want to respect your time. So before we get into the very last segment of today's show, let us know where we can find you. where we can follow you and how we can support your business?

Instagram | @mcleodandassociates

Website | https://shaemcleod.ca/


RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

SM: Oh, okay. Wow, David Goggins. So you guys, I grew up in a very tough upbringing. My parents were old school Jamaicans So one of the recent authors and I've taken a great liking to David Goggins, It is mental health. here's his ability to stay strong. and to just keep pushing through any set like hard, you know, circumstances admirable so, his book never finished. I read this for the third time and read it again. it's his newest book. Oh, my it is amazing.

AMAZON: Never Finished by David Goggins



2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

SM:  Empowerment empowerment to me just means taking things that you have the natural ability to offer to other people and sharing it? Whether that's builders time, success, stories, motivation, opportunities, empowerment to me, it's just taking all of those things and if you see somebody who is struggling or who could use a little bit of what you have naturally is providing a to offer.


You know, there's a little African proverb that says if you want to go fast, If you want to go far go together. So I believe in helping whenever and wherever you can.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

SM: Dirt biking. I don't know. there's the thrill for me and just being on the back end.


4. What are you currently working toward?

SM: What are we currently working towards? Well, my coaching program. So this is something that I offer, you know, being a realtor and being an investor focus realtor. I've spent hours talking to my clients mindset, talking to them about just short term rental coaching or investments. in general. I believe that, you know, the fastest way to generational wealth and the most sustainable way to generational wealth is through investing in real estate. and I spent hours you know, offering this service free to my clients and I had reached out to shoot, why don't you start a coaching program like you do this naturally. You're so good at it and so that is something that I am working on


It’s not just Real estate if you're a person who's just looking, you know, if you're in a rut and you're stuck, you're like, I don't know where I'm going with my life. I don't know what I'm doing. you just need that extra hand up. This is the kind of service that my mindset coaching offers. It is called life by design, coaching and consulting. and so yeah, I'm super excited about it. it's something I'm very passionate about, and I just wanted to take everything that I learned along my journey and share it with as many people as I can because I do believe in helping out, you know, wherever you can. So, yeah.


[50:47] VL: I'm so excited for you and I can't wait for that to launch and I will share all of that, like I said in the show notes. Shae, thank you so much for spending time today for sharing your story so openly for sharing such incredible wisdom, and I mean you're so young.


You're so young and I know that there is so much more you're going to learn and share and teach others with so I'm very excited to get to know you and to be working with you. I can't wait for your bright future.


SM: Thank you. This is an amazing opportunity that you know, I genuinely love talking about and so I really, I'm so grateful to have met you and to have been you know led to to exhale because I definitely felt that instant connection. I'm like, I like her like I gotta be her lots. This is so much fun. This has been like I really can't. I can't even express to you what coming into Pilates and learning and even just meeting you and learning more about your story has done for my life. So likewise, I appreciate you and I appreciate this amazing opportunity to just share my story and I hope to empower you to know some of your listeners and just be very glad to be here. So I'm excited to see what the future has in store and know what's going to be great and I'm very excited to continue my relationship with you and getting to know you better and seeing both of us thrive in our businesses.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E219: Your Daily D.O.S.E. of Happiness
 
 

E219: Your Daily D.O.S.E. of Happiness

I read recently that if you want to be more productive, watch a funny video or comedy skit before getting to work on that project. Today I’m going to share why this works and how you can increase your levels of happiness every day!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:44] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. Before we get into today’s episode I wanted to take a moment to share my gratitude and appreciation with you.


Whether you are a long time, or new listener of the podcast, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I would honestly not be here if it wasn’t for you and your support. I also want to take a moment to CELEBRATE WITH YOU!


The Women’s Empowerment Podcast has reached over 100 000 downloads this week which is SO FREAKING COOL AND it was also my birthday a couple days ago so that felt like a fun birthday surprise and extra celebrations. 


Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this happen! If you haven’t already I would love to invite you to review the podcast. You can leave a thoughtful review on Apple Podcasts, and a star rating on Spotify. Rating and reviewing the show helps it reach more people and benefit more lives. It would mean the world to me to receive and read that.



I mentioned right at the intro of this podcast episode that watching a funny video before working on a big project can actually make you more productive, and it’s true!


When you laugh your brain releases neurotransmitters which is a signaling molecule that is secreted by a neuron to affect another cell across a synapse or junction between two nerve cells. In its simplest explanation, laughing sends chemical signals from your brain to your body that make you feel happier!


These happiness chemicals and hormones hugely affect our mental, emotional, and physical health. Learning what they are, and how to increase them can support you in creating habits, routines, and rituals to better serve and support your body and wellness.


You may be familiar with these four “happiness chemicals:” Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. Let’s break them down.


[02:52] Dopamine

Dopamine is known as “the reward chemical.” It enables learning, motivation, and pleasure. We need dopamine because it gives us the determination to accomplish our goals, as well as our needs and desires.


This chemical is triggered by acts of short term pleasure. It touches five brain receptors and is addictive. We are always wanting more. To increase our dopamine levels in a healthy way, we can:

  • Complete a task on our to do list

  • Pamper ourselves with self-care routines

  • Try something new

  • Appreciating every bite of food

  • Celebrate little wins


When we are deficient in dopamine we might procrastinate, experience low self-esteem, have low energy or fatigue. We will probably lack motivation and focus, which can also lead to feelings of anxiousness, hopelessness, and possibly mood swings.


The everyday problem is that our brain is always wanting and craving dopamine. While it gets dopamine from checking the box on your to-do list, and positive social interactions, it also gets dopamine from mindless scrolling or spending! The problem being that the brain doesn’t know the difference between good and bad social interactions. 


Checking social media, emails, and messages first thing in the morning gives you a super dose of dopamine. Along with putting you into a sense of alertness before your brain has a chance to gradually wake up, it also puts your dopamine baseline levels extremely high. 


So what does that mean? Well your brain remembers that it can get dopamine from checking socials, emails, and messages. And as we know from forming habits, our brain and body wants to satisfy cravings in the quickest and simplest way possible. It remembers that checking socials, emails, and messages was how we did that first thing this morning so now we want to continue to check all those apps again.


But… the brain is expecting that same high-level dopamine hit, and guess what? We won’t be able to reach that same high so we close the apps down and moments later reopen them again.


How do we overcome this negative habit loop? By breaking the cycle. Stop checking our phones first thing in the morning. Personally, my phone is on airplane mode when I’m sleeping and when I wake up there are no notifications that come through until I turn off airplane mode. My goal every morning is to wait at least one hour before taking airplane mode off and I would say four out of seven days I can make that happen.


Some things I do instead are:

  • Drink greens and any other supplement potion I’m mixing. (These days it’s collagen, B12 combo thing, and electrolytes)

  • Make breakfast

  • Empty the dishwasher

  • Eat breakfast presently and enjoy every bite

  • Dream out/visualize my day


So before any notifications come through I’ve checked off to do lists, I’ve excited my taste buds, I’ve fueled my body and allowed my brain to wake up with ease. 


Straight up I’ve noticed a huge difference in my day when I’ve checked my phone upon waking versus not and I have to say it’s a noticeably better and more productive day!


Are you someone who checks their phone in the morning? Can you create boundaries with your technology to better support your health and wellness daily? I’m not trying to eliminate technology or social media, heck if it wasn’t for tech we wouldn’t be connected together here on this podcast, but it’s about the relationship we have with our devices and we want to create a healthy supportive one.


Speaking of connection and relationships…


[07:17] Oxytocin

Oxytocin is known as “the love hormone.” This is important because it motivates us to build and sustain important relationships, and gives us a feeling of trust. Although oxytocin is a powerful hormone, it actually functions as a neurotransmitter in the brain. It plays a huge role in bonding, and is sometimes called “the cuddle hormone.” 


To increase oxytocin levels consider actions such as:

  • Giving compliments

  • Listening to music

  • Give or receive a massage

  • Spend time with your friends and loved ones

  • Play with an animal or a baby

  • Opening your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people


I learned recently that even prolonged eye contact (60 seconds or more) releases oxytocin. Now I’m picturing us going for a walk later and staring down everyone we pass by hahahaha 


If we’re low on this hormone we can experience feelings of loneliness, stress, and lack of motivation. As well as a decrease in energy, and disconnected from relationships. We may also experience anxiety and/or insomnia. 


Remember that oxytocin isn’t just about what we get and receive, but also from how we can give! We feel better in our own bodies when we do something nice for someone else. This is also connected to the third hormone I want to share with you today which is Serotonin, but before we talk about that ask yourself how you can give and receive love, affection, kindness, and play today?


[09:00] Serotonin

Serotonin is known as “the mood stabilizer.” It’s what makes us feel important or significant in our communities. It also helps us feel calm and accepting of ourselves among our peers.


Unlike dopamine, serotonin is triggered by acts of long-term satisfaction. It touches 14 brain receptors and is non-addictive. Serotonin has a lot to do with being grateful for what we have vs always wanting more. Some of the ways we can increase our serotonin levels are:

  • Meditation

  • Enjoy a healthy diet

  • Getting sunlight

  • Exercise 

  • Observing that all emotions can be helpful

  • Go for a walk in nature

  • Cold therapy or cold showers


When our serotonin levels are low, we can experience low self-esteem, feel overly sensitive, experience panic attacks and anxiety and possibly stress in social situations. We might also feel hopeless or obsessive/compulsive, and potentially have insomnia. 


If you do struggle with increasing serotonin levels it would be beneficial to contact your medical doctor or holistic nutritionist who knows a lot about or specializes in gut health because 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut while only 5% in your brain. 


There are several types of foods that can support your physical gut health as well as your mental health, as a lot of experts will tell you that your gut is your second brain (some will call it your first brain)! I read an excellent book on gut health that I highly recommend called GUT: The Inside Story of Your Body’s Most Underrated Organ

Some of the foods known to increase serotonin are:

  • Greens or green juice blends

  • Walnuts

  • Almonds

  • Cayenne Peppers

  • Bananas 

  • Dark leafy greens

  • Oats

  • Blueberries

  • Chia seeds

  • Coconut oil

  • Turmeric

  • Sauerkraut

  • Salmon

  • Water/hydration


Are there foods on that list, or actions you can start to take today to support your daily dose of serotonin? What can you commit to including today? What three things can you commit to incorporating this week?


As your Healthy Habit Mentor, I find joy in supporting you to elevate your life by creating empowering habits, routines and rituals. And to help you create your new healthy habits and behaviours, I have a free guide for you!

The last happiness chemical I want to share with you today is called endorphins.


[12:33 ] Endorphins

Endorphins are known as “the painkiller neurotransmitter.” The brain releases endorphins that feel like a brief euphoria that masks physical pain. It’s a chemical response to pain and stress to ease depression and anxiety.


Whenever I think or talk about endorphins, I always remember the Legally Blonde (movie) quote: "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." – Elle Woods


Which always makes me giggle – and guess what, giggles release endorphins! Here are some ways to increase endorphins:

  • Laughing

  • Practicing yoga or meditation

  • Dancing or running

  • Regular exercise 

  • Going out and creating

  • Watch a funny video


A decrease in endorphins can affect our physical and mental health through feelings of anxiety, depression, and mood swings. It can have our body feeling lots of aches and pains, possibly insomnia as well as impulsive behaviour. 


Even though I’ve broken down these four happiness chemicals, they are all very similar and quite closely tied together. You can take very simple steps to improving even ONE of the neurotransmitters I shared today and you’re highly likely to experience a ripple effect into the other three as well. 


Now listen… There are a lot of ways we can support our mental and physical health, and performance. I like giving a variety of ideas and suggestions of tangible things we can do to elevate our health and wellness and I do this so that you can create your own healthy habits, routines, and rituals. 


I saw a post not too long ago by Dr. Andrew Huberman that said:

“Every 24 hours we need to re-up”

  1. Sleep

  2. Morning Sunlight

  3. Exercise

  4. Nutrients (even if from body stores)

  5. Water

The fact that we can survive >24 hrs without one or several of these, is irrelevant. Healthy flourishes when we make getting all 5 of these daily a priority.” 

Original Post


I share this because all of these things can be achieved for free, and they all support the happiness chemicals in the body. I’ve been noticing a lot of conversations I’ve been having with others lately are very much around anxiety and stress. And when we look at what these people are doing to support their health and wellness, it doesn’t seem to be a priority at all! In my opinion, we’re not giving ourselves a fighting chance without prioritizing these basic actions. 

Visit the show notes page for today’s show to read through the list of actions I’ve shared today, or relisten to this episode and really feel into which actions and behaviours you can start implementing ASAP! Remember there is a helpful online workbook available to support you in this at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits.


You can also connect with me on instagram @vallavignelife and share how you’re getting your daily D.O.S.E. of happiness!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E217: 3 Strategies to Creating Your Dream Life and Business with Hannah Schwartz
 
 

E217: 3 Strategies to Creating Your Dream Life and Business with Hannah Schwartz

Hannah Schwartz, Your Business Strategist. She works with entrepreneurs who are ready to level up in biz or want to pivot, and offers 1:1 and group programs! Hannah wants to know,  what's your business plan?


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:50] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast, Hannah, thank you so much for being a guest on today's show, I am very excited to see your face today. 


Hannah Schwartz: I'm most excited. I can check off all the boxes after this call.


VL: I love that so much. Yeah, after this call this podcast.


Potato Potato right you know what's so funny is that like, I feel like it gets so much energy after calls with you and you probably hear that all the time. You're just such a vibrant ray of sunshine. And actually, when I first sat down at my desk, it was super gloomy outside and the sun was shining as we're talking. So this is very lovely. And I'm just so happy that the sun is shining here. So my dear I could talk to you all day about anything and everything. However, I want us to stay on topic because I'm super excited to chat with you about all of the amazing things that you do and all the amazingness that you are. When we first met Doing this which is very exciting you were not a business strategist yet.


So, I would love to kind of break down. Really, just like the, you know the elevator version of how you went from where you were to that business strategist self.


[02:13] HS: Okay, I actually love this story and I find that a lot of entrepreneurs and a lot of people just in general do change careers and always feel really sticky about their previous careers. I feel the opposite. And I think that my previous career gave me this one. Anyways, I was in real estate and I decided instead of having a geographic location, which most Realtors do, they choose like an area that there will be to be the realtor for I was like, I want to work with a demographic of people. And I want to work with entrepreneurs. I want to teach younger newer entrepreneurs all about homeownership and entrepreneurs that have been in the industry for years and years. They're going to want to invest in property. I'm going to be here. And so I ended up connecting with entrepreneur after entrepreneur after entrepreneur and it was the coolest group of people you could ever imagine. And then something really incredible happened. Entrepreneurs started calling me for business advice, out of the blue, out of nowhere, and on many calls, they would say why don't you offer this charging? And I always said this is my dream. I love giving this call to me anytime. One day I'll charge thinking that I'd be like 50 or 60 years old when that time comes around. And I thought I would like to grow a business in real estate or multiple businesses in real estate. And then I'd sell them or hire people to manage them and then I go off into business strategy. And one day I was sipping coffee on my patio, and I literally had this epiphany, why? Why are we waiting for 50 or 60 years old? Why don't I just do it? And then something else occurred to me if I'm 50 or 60 and dropping my real estate career, however I do it, I'm still going to have to start business strategy and people are still going to have the same thoughts like why are you doing this? but if I start now in 10 years I'll have 10 years experience in business.


I'd rather just start now. So within two weeks, I dropped my realtor license, how to a lot of very awkward conversations and launch my new business launched my beta program which sold out in the first day and assigned to my first long term clients like them onto something. And now, your business strategist.


[04:16] VL: Oh my goodness, what an empowering story. Absolutely. And I think it's really brave of you to take that leap. And a lot of the times people think like I don't know what to do, like, I have some ideas of what I want and then they're like, but what are people asking you for? What are people coming to you for? What do people know you for? And you did that? That? That call? So how amazing and I've got to say like, since knowing you and seeing this transition for you and seeing your journey. It's pretty incredible to see how smooth it is. I mean, again, it's from the outside. I'm sure there were lots of difficult and awkward conversations. But I'm sure that part of being a business strategist is part of that.


That this new chapter of your life requires a lot of skills, a lot of really important skills that are transferable into all different areas of our life. And the one that really comes to mind for me is organization and the other one is being proactive right as a strategist, you need to be thinking ahead and planning for tomorrow, but it's like what can you do today? So are there any strategies or tips you can share with the listener of what we can do today to organize ourselves to have a better future than that dream?


Strategy #1: Create Zones in Your Home


[05:40] HS: Absolutely. I love offering tangible things that you could do literally today or tomorrow. you could take from this podcast and go on your way and start. One of the first things that I did was actually take this from the Netflix show the whole minute.


The Home Edit Show Netflix


The show talks about creating zones in your space to allow yourself to, you know, make the space better and more aesthetically pleasing and also to allow whatever it may be regarding home decor aren't too different. I know also, on the flip side of that, our brains create patterns. And our brains really need us to show them new patterns so that they can work their best in specific arenas. And so I took those two ideas, the idea of creating zones for statically pleasing spaces, and zones for grading work and I put them together and what I mean by that is I created in my space, the zones in which I did different things. So when I'm at my desk, that is my work done. If I'm not feeling like working, I leave my desk. My desk is where I do work related to my computer work. I don't even actually brainstorm often at my guess, because I find that brainstorming takes me to a dream world. And I people often say that like procrastination, I don't think that's procrastination, but it might not feel as so I needed a space now for brainstorming. So there's actually a match on my floor in my office. And that's my sense space. It's my dream space. I pull tarot cards, I have crystals and then sometimes people with tons of blank pieces of paper and that brainstorming I also the morning coffee zone. When I sit in this morning coffee shop, It's like I know my day is going to start where I have like this couch, a little table and some plants. I journal from there and it allows me to dive into my writing.


And so I highly recommend creating so you can have a tiny apartment, you can have a tiny, tiny, tiny apartment and get yourself like a little tiny nap and put it on the floor and that could be your dream space. It doesn't really matter if it's aesthetically pleasing or not. It's about allowing your brain to know what you're doing in each particular space and the magic is once the pattern starts to create in your brain. The moment you sit on that mountain, your brain will start going nuts in dreamland for you. Once you sit at your desk, you're going to start thinking. Once you sit in that coffee area your mind is going to know I can rest here So creating so it's for your brain to find patterns I think is an incredible way to get started.


[08:42] VL: I enjoy this very much. 


And this is something that I practice on a bigger scale but I really love the specificity of how you're sharing it because there are times when I sit at my desk and I want to do three different kinds of things. And in my brain it's three very different kinds of if you want to compartmentalize that if you will, but I usually practice it as okay, this is my workspace. This is the bedroom. The TV doesn't go in the bedroom but the laptop doesn't go in the bedroom and my phone I try to keep out of the bedroom. It's usually there with me.


However, I have noticed that since doing that this was years and years ago, I sleep so much better because the bed is for sleeping. However, I really like the specificity of it because having those routines and rituals and systems and patterns is really gonna get you into that space quicker like you said, and already I have so many ideas for myself.


I'm gonna step outside for like a couple of minutes every day even though it's winter now. I'm going to step outside every day and just get some sunlight on my face as I drink my morning beverage because yeah, I just can see the spot in my mind that I want to do that And I love that so much.


HS: I love that idea. I'm going to take a step further and I'm going to do it too. Every time I go to a cottage, my friends cottage, the first thing I do with my cup of coffee or I take a sip is I go out onto the patio and i Cheers the lake and I say good morning like and then I Aki and it's before I make sure that that's my first sip. Usually it's a little bit too hot, which means I have to stay outside a little bit longer. And so I don't have a great view. I don't have a patio which is great. I decorated it myself very proudly. but the view is mediocre but I do have some trees. And so I think in the morning instead of just sitting with members of the coffee. I'm going to go outside and here's the trees.


VL: Yes, we're gonna I'm going to tag you tomorrow morning and my *Cheers* 


Oh my gosh, I love that so much. Yeah, and it really is this tangible practice that people can do today. I like you to like can we break down a little bit like if you have a smaller room. So let's say your office is where you do all of the different things like your morning coffee is in your office.


Do you change the difference between like you and I right now we're having a conversation via zoom. Is that different from like your work or is conversing and having those interactions with your clients is that different from like, you know what I mean? What's the word…


I know you write on blogs. So are you writing a blog post in the same place that you're having a conversation with someone if that's a better question? 


HS: Okay, we're going into specifics here and I'm just like, lighting up inside. Okay, we're gonna take this like 17 steps further. Okay.


I'm so excited. I don't even know where to start. So yes, you are going to have overlapping things that happen in each particular space. So yes, I do write blogs, my dream spaces where I actually hand wrote them and when I take that, obviously I need my computer and I'm not going to move my whole computer in order to take off this thing.


Here are two points that I want to make that will change the way you think about it. The first one is it's not so much about getting to the space to do the thing, but it's leaving the space when you're not getting.


So you come to your work desk and you find that you're leaving your desks.


And that's the hard part because a lot of people are like, I need to sit here for five hours and get whatever it is done. But your brain isn't in it. And in order to allow your brain to really understand what's happening in that space. You need to take that you need to remove yourself when you're not doing that thing. So that's point number one. Point number two zones also can be the way you do a thing. Okay, I'm just going to go after this and hope it makes sense. I have two different types of pens. I have ballpoint pens, and felt pens.


Okay, I gotta say I'm nuts, but it's real. My felt pens are used for journaling. My ballpoint pens are used for work. They feel different. They feel different in my hand and they write differently. One of them doesn't write well when I write quickly. felt pen suck when you write really fast. ballpoint pens write really well in the past. So when I'm using a felt pen, I can't write quickly. I use it for myself. It's when I get to write slow.


Ballpoint pens run really fast. I can use it for work and I could job and millions of notes down. It's not so old. So when you are in a very small space, for example, and your desk is your everything, allow different things to change. your space itself doesn't have to do So yes, we just talked about zones but created the zone.


So for me, my journaling zone is a specific journal, and I'm very particular weekend I actually spent way too much money on my journal. And they felt pens and a cup of coffee or something.


My office space when I'm sitting at my desk is my like, even if I'm in like a slower pace my life goes on because when I'm at my desk I'm working but when I'm on my map I like it.


To work about creating things within each zone that are specific to the way you want your brain to read. And the more things that you can kind of put together in this pattern, the more easily your brain will look into it. Now I'm no scientist, I don't really understand all of the things about the brain. but for science sake, Allow your brain to have a lot of reason to connect the thing you're doing with this space.


[14:48] VL: It's amazing I talk - I'm not a scientist either - but I talk a lot about neural pathways. On the show. And when you have a habit like this one you've created you can think of it like a row. You've created this road or this pathway from where you are to where you want to be. So where you are is a cup of coffee, where you want to be is in your dream space. So to get you there quicker, you have some sort of habit against you there. So it's stepping onto your Mac, seeing your crystal, seeing your tarot cards and doing the thing. Then you have another pathway to get you somewhere else. Now, as you're creating these pathways, it takes time to build a bridge, it takes repetition. So not only does it take time, but it takes the consistency of repeating the same motion or the same action or creating the same environment every time. And then you can have tons of neural circuits in your brain like that hundreds of 1000s I was gonna say. So if you can create those neural pathways that you're talking about, like quick routes as quick paths to where you want to go. It's easier than to just reroute. It's kind of like your brain knows the Google Map. easiest, fastest way to get there because it's built it and it's done it before and it'll just keep repeating. So I really love that and whether people realize it or not that pen example is perfect because you might not know this but you brush your teeth the exact same way every single time you brush your teeth. You pick up the toothbrush with the same hand you put the toothpaste on your toothbrush with the same hand that you go into your mouth the exact same way every single time. So another kind of quick way to change that neural circuit or neural pathway is to switch hands when you brush your teeth. Just that and then you can see how your body just naturally wants to pull towards the original way that additional path. So it's really cool.


I mean, I get real nerdy about it because I love that stuff. Yeah, I love it. And I have favorite pens too. So I actually have I have like someone gave me a packet of the same pen but they're different colors. So I actually have the white pen that I have goals with my white achieved planner. and then the pink pen that I have goes with my Five Minute Journal. It's the same pen. it's a different color, but I use them for my different books. 


HS: Yeah, yeah. I can also give an example because on my mat in the office, I do two very different things. One of them is business, strategizing, and business brainstorming. And the other is like la la land meditation. And so in order to find separation within that, so that I'm not thinking about business when I'm trying to meditate. I switch the environment by the only things I really change is I bring blank pieces of paper and my business pens to the mat with me and then my business If I don't have those papers, and the pen and meditation And it's it's that simple bringing a business part of my desk to the floor with me, allows me to go back into business.


[18:01] VL: So cool. I love that. Okay, so we know exactly where we need to be to do the things. But what things are we doing in that space like how do we create that dream life that we want? Or how do we achieve those goals in those spaces that we're in?


HS: I think it's all about going after the things that you really want and need. I think you can make two lists and the things that you really need and the things that you really want, the things that you really need. You're going to need space for those and the things that you really want to see if there's a connection between them and once so I love doing art and crafty things. And that's a big hobby of mine so I actually created a space for it in my house. I haven't used it much. I wrote a piece actually called Move your Cookbook. And the idea of moving your cookbook is to make things easier for you to do and if you're not doing them new, very similar to the toothbrush. So I wasn't using my cookbook that I wanted to be using and so instead of having it in my kitchen, I put it in my office, And then I ended up using it. And so this idea of creating the goals that you really want in your life, but every person is different for that In terms of creating, if we're switching topics for a moment, if we're talking about creating some sort of schedule, in which you want to make a dream life and I highly recommend doing it, and it is so much fun!


Strategy #2: Dream Life Calendar


Open your Google Calendar and you're gonna call it the Green calendar. You're gonna think of yourself. Three years later.


Three years later, three years later, Hannah, what does her life look like? What is she doing? Use colors. Google calm has all the colors you can want and create some sort of calendar for yourself, be it I'm going to work Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I'm going to be off every Tuesday on Sundays. I'm going to go to Saskatoon on Wednesday. And whatever it is you're doing, you can be as specific as you want. It could be as detailed as you want. You can be as broad and here's the fun part. Now you're going to overlap your current calendar with your future calendar, which you can do on Google and slowly start to adapt your current calendar to look like your future. And it's easy because there are colors there. So for example, I love networking. I love it. It's like one of my favorite things to do. So what I did on my dream calendars every day, Sorry, every monday, wednesday and friday from three until six I had I overlapped it with my current calendar and every time I had a networking option, During those times I was like oh my gosh, and moviemaking.


Oh my gosh, I'm doing it the same color is overlapping each other. I'm doing the things every single time And the cool part is you get to actually create this calendar for yourself over time that is your


[21:00] VL: I just yes to all the things Absolutely So, I love this and I do something similar. Similar with my clients when I'm working with them.


But I love the idea of seeing it in your Google Calendar and overlapping it that way because yeah, it just brings you into that really in the present and it gives you that evidence. and when you have that evidence of this is possible for me. You start to see how other things are possible for you, too.


Yeah, that's really incredible. So would you recommend it? What's your dream in 1 to 3 years from now?


HS: it really depends where you're at in your life. Sometimes it's beneficial to do a year round and sometimes it's beneficial to do three. For my business. I got one year out because I wanted to see what my life could be like in one year. There's another really interesting aspect to this that I actually do want to touch on. And it's sometimes what we think we're gonna want. We actually don't find joy in and to figure that out sooner allows us to re-dream something new. And so if for example, I wanted to network three times a week and I started to do it and I didn't find doing it, then I get to actually adapt my training calendar. but I wouldn't have known that otherwise, I wouldn't have realized that my future self was actually not going to enjoy going to a party every single Saturday night. because in theory, that's cool. In theory, I'm going to be this: a cool person is going to be invited to everything and then you start getting invited to everything and you notice that that's part of your brain realizing, I don't like this. And so it also allows you to actually navigate what your dreams are actually bringing you joy.


[22:22] VL: Oh my goodness that is such a great, such a great point. Because that happens with a lot of people a lot of the times they strive for so long or they push so hard and they quote unquote, finally achieved their goals and then they're left feeling with this dissatisfaction. And it's like Oh, if only we knew what this was really like and something that I teach a lot of is connecting to a feeling word, it's not necessarily the habit, or the goal, it's how do I want to feel, and this could also be like, whatever, a year from now, three years from now, whatever it is for that person.


And then how can we reach that feeling today and then just keep cultivating that or look, what are the things where are the activities? What are the conversations who are the people I'm around? What are the events I'm going to that bring me closer to that feeling? And then you're saying yes or no to the invitation based off of Will this make me feel And for you it could be fill in the blank could be connected to my dream calendar connected to my dream life, or it could be deeper than that into an actual emotion or feeling so yeah, I think they tie in really well together. So in that case, let's say I've built my dream calendar. I'm starting to see that a couple of the things I'm doing every week or every day are lining up. Some of the things are working some of the things aren't. Are you encouraging like weekly check ins to kind of clarify where we're at, how often are we, you know, reviewing this, this system.


HS: Yes. I love this conversation so much. I love it so much.


Okay, wait, wait, wait, before I go there, your what you just said about the feeling behind it is giant Can we just like dive into that for briefly. 


VL: Yeah, let's do it. 


HS: Okay. What you just said matters more than the dream calendar does because if you don't know the feelings behind it, you're not going to enjoy it. What I share with people, my clients and friends and I am going to take what you said and turn it business for a moment. If you made a million dollars in your business tomorrow. 


Would you feel successful? I guarantee you the answer is no. And the reason why is because you don't know the feeling that you were after, or the feeling that it brings to your body. And it's exactly it, I think is exactly what you were referring to. And so when I speak to my clients and my colleagues and my friends, when it comes to the feeling of success, or the feeling that you're trying to receive every moment of every day that you think you have reached success, stop and think about what that feeling is that you start to actually feel what success is about. if you do make a million dollars Tomorrow, you will actually feel.


VL: I love it. Perfect. Yeah, like that. I think it goes back to like when you're saying part of your practice is meditating and sitting into that space. And it's like, I feel like a lot of the and this might be going off topic but I feel like a lot of the information out there on social media and just in books and all kinds of things is like, these are all the things you have to be doing and chasing and going after to have a successful business and it's like but a lot of the work is done. internally a lot of the work is done with our mindset and connecting to like what it means for me and it's not following someone else's checklists all the time and I think people get really tripped up because they're like, but I did all the things I did a through that just like so and so told me so And then again they reached this like, what now why didn't like a hangover like a success. hangover or something.


Or they're like, this isn't what I wanted. And, you know, this is a great conversation for people who are whether you're just starting your business or you've been in your business for years. Am I doing the things that I myself want that I myself dreamed of? Because I wanted it not someone else told me that this is what I want. Someone else said you need a million dollars in your business. Right? and I mean, if that's your goal, that's fine, but if it's not yours, then what are you chasing? so getting to your feelings. I love it.

I also am, we've talked about colors you're talking about organization and I cannot help but notice your colorful cue cards behind you, I'm very attracted to rainbows, like I just keep my eyes keep starting there. Can you tell us a little bit about what is going on behind you?


Strategy #3: Business Pillars Program 


[28:06] HS: And actually, this was the perfect segue because we were just talking about goal setting and reaching big. And so actually what's behind me is what I offer is a system that I teach, which is called the pillar system. I created it when I was in real estate and I had no idea what I was doing in business. I had no market I had no business idea. I had no rhyme or reason what I was saying yes or no to, above all else I was to idea and project to project and then one day I decided I don't like this way of business. I don't like having an age business. On a Word document that I have printed. That's like catching ducks on my desk. How do I go after it? What am I even going after? These goals seem really big are they my goals? I'd be their goals. So one day I sat down, I like color. I like visualization and I need to be able to see physically my success. I need to be able to see progress. I need to see it be motivated. And so one day, honestly, I have no idea how I came up with it. But this is now the system I use in business all the time. And it's what I teach, I come up with or we come up with together the foundations of your business. So instead of working on one part of your business at a time, what if much work on both parts of your business together. Have you ever noticed, and this is in life too? Have you ever noticed that you'll deal with a task and then ultimately realize that the task could have worked for multiple things, but you didn't know it at the time? And so you do the task of like, oh my gosh, I need to do this task again for this other idea. Well, with the pillar system, you have your core foundations, your base, your foundation of business, the legs on which your business dad, and then we create goals beneath each pillar. So each color is a different foundation, and the goals the bottom cards leading to the top are the little goals.


​​And I think the tangible piece that I can offer right now for anybody who is goal setting in general, is the idea of a small goal and a big goal to us. I believe it's completely wrong. And here's why. We get very, very overwhelmed with the idea of a big goal. And then just as you said before, and just as we were talking about about success, the closer we are to a goal, the less the goal matters somehow. And then we completed the goal and we're like what's next?


We don't really feel like we've done and so I urge you instead of saying small goal and say the goal that is closer to me and the goal that is harder for me.


Because the only difference is how able we are to achieve it in the moment. That's the only difference and the work towards the big goals. It's just a lot of the little it's a lot of smaller tasks, but there's more.


​​And so it doesn't mean that they're harder, it just means that they're farther away.


And once you can allow your brain to realize, whoa, even my giant goals so my wall right now is an entire year. This is everything I'll be doing.


So my top goals are months, months from now so if I were to just be that goal, I would be free.


[31:38] VL: Where can we find you? Where can we follow you, how can we support your business?


insta :https://www.instagram.com/startwithhannah/ 

website: https://www.startwithhannah.com/ 

Tik tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@startwithhannah 

Medium: https://medium.com/@startwithhannah


VL: Is there anything that you’d like to share before the rapid fire round?


[33:30] HS: Is there anything that I'd like to share.. maybe… is that okay, I do have something I'd like to share, here's what I'd like to share, you know that we're worth reading this in January and January is a big makeover. I don't have any reason to have any resolution.


VL: No, I don't do that


HS: That's the best answer. Great. So we don't have any resolution. But what I do want to bring into account is that I call Mondays and this is the perfect time to talk about it. So in January we don't like huge love like the year has the most incredible year in the world, and then we literally wake up feeling exactly the same.


Because literally, nothing has changed. And the concept of Monday is very similar to January. Mondays, we usually make up and we're like this week is going to be the best week of the entire world. I'm going to do x y and Zed or on Thursday, you're going to you're going to say to yourself, I'm going to start the next big Mondays are January it is our regular January. And Tuesday is our February when everything comes crashing down and we're like wait a second. I can't do all this is not possible. So every time we were starting on Monday and your Monday is like the coolest thing in the world. Remember that it is EJ and Tuesday's you're paying weary and each week will come and go. Allow yourself to enjoy it. more than you planned it


VL: This is perfect. But don't hit on February that's my birthday


HS: I just almost spit out on my copy onto my screen! everywhere use our slow down and fall into ourselves, in my opinion, because yeah go go go in February like we do you live on in February?


RAPID FIRE ROUND:

  1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

Becoming by Michelle Obama


  1. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment is thriving, and supporting women in the drive. I actually wrote a piece about this called thriving women. And I think that we have for every woman who sinks down into her God, and decides where and how she wants to thrive. Then we also get to see that that is empowering.


  1. What is your longest standing habit?

Journaling. Almost every day and do like your crops for those three right? I have free range but when I first started journaling that variable right off the top of the page there are no And then I will then I would start that with my new thing that I've been doing because I'm finding that because the heart of the habit has become a little bit too routine for me. Now the new thing that I'm doing is adding extra.


  1. What are you currently working toward?

So many things that can't be wrapped by your question. I'm working toward the business I'm working towards. I have okay three words for the business word of the year. It is scary and exciting. Its authenticity and my personal word of the year is host because I want to host a lot of events they used to host free k0V!D And my soul word of the year is def. I want to find more depth within myself.


VL: Those are great words And I love how they are tied together and yet. Thank you so much for this delightful conversation. I have really enjoyed our time together and they really want to acknowledge you for the journey that you're on. how far you've come since we first met several years ago now I think it's like three years ago now!


I want to acknowledge you for just the light brain to any place that you are at whether that's virtual or in person or in the dance. You really like you really make my day. I didn't. I wasn't lying when I said you. You brought the sunshine with you. So thank you again so much for being here so much for being a part of my life. And I'm very excited for the listener to connect with you. So like I said, I'll link all of your information to all of the key things!


HS: When this opportunity is the coolest I'm going to I'm going to party on my couch. Thank you so much, I'm so, so, I miss you so much!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E216: Lacking Consistency? Try These 10 Practices
 
 

E216: Lacking Consistency? Try These 10 Practices

Whether you’re creating a new workout routine, wanting to improve your nutrition, save more money, or decrease your sugar intake, the greatest obstacle I hear about making or breaking ANY habit, is that you’re lacking consistency. Today I’m sharing 10 practices that can help you be more consistent so that you can level-up your habits, routines, and rituals…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am you host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. If you’ve ever struggled with consistency in making or breaking habits – I gotchu.


It’s the number one struggle in the community, and I get it. Rewiring the neural pathways in your brain is easier said than done. Especially if you’re trying to break the neural connections and circuits that are already ingrained in your brain from the bad habits you have currently!


So let’s break down 10 practices that can support you in being and staying consistent with your daily habits and goals.


[01:27] 1. Don’t be so hard on yourself

If you subscribe to my email list you would have read about my snowboarding accident last week. If you’re not on the list, you can join here!


So yeah, back to the snowboarding accident. Long story short, I wiped out really badly on the first day, on the first run, of our ski trip to France. I hurt my neck, ribs, and smashed up the right side of my body pretty badly. Bad enough that I needed to take a stretcher down the hill, and I couldn’t snowboard for the rest of the trip.


I was PISSED. I was embarrassed, and very frustrated. 


And I let myself be upset, but after a full day of that I decided these negative emotions were not helpful to my situation.


So I decided to re-write the script and chose to support myself with positive self-talk:

  • I swapped annoyance of the accident to appreciation that I wasn’t more injured.

  • Frustration from the fall to forgiving myself for being so hard on myself.

  • Anger to gratitude for being in a beautiful mountain village where I can enjoy the views, the food, family time, and practice my French!


Can you think of a time when you got caught up in negative self-talk? It happens to all of us. 


But when we speak kindly to ourselves, and offer words of encouragement, we can regain the strength we need to keep going. It’s okay to be tough with ourselves when we need to be, and more importantly kind and positive to ourselves when we’re struggling.


Last week I had hot tears racing down my cheeks before bed and I said to myself, “I know you’re hurting. You had a big fall and you’re a long way from home. You also have family here who love you and care about you. You’re in a warm bed and allowing your body to heal. You’re okay. You are strong.”


I talk to myself all the time. And yes, sometimes out loud. Do what you’ve gotta do to be kind to yourself and take that extra step.


[03:40] 2. Stay flexible to change

Since you’re listening to this podcast, I’m going to assume you are a personal development enthusiast. You probably enjoy setting goals, and know what you need to do and how you need to plan to achieve those goals.


If this is you, this is great. If this is not you, don’t worry – keep listening to the podcast and you’ll be on your way to achieving big things in your life!


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid out a solid plan for a project. I’m excited and proud, and I’ve come at it from all angles so I feel very prepared. AND THEN… life throws you a lemon.


Now from what we know about positivity, we can do a lot of things with lemons! Some of my favourite meals and drinks have lemons as an ingredient!


So being adaptable to changes, obstacles, and challenges is very important when building your habits. 


A lot of the time these changes are external. Perhaps our favourite gym closes, or we have an unexpected expense that sets our savings goal back. We need to reroute.


And sometimes the change is internal. We’re no longer excited about the project or idea. We have a pull toward an entirely different goal. That’s okay too.


This one was a tough one for me – and I’m still working on it – we are humans and our goals and dreams can change and evolve just like we do. Allow yourself to pivot in a new direction, or put down the projects that aren’t filling your cup anymore.


You can always change your mind and move on to something else, or back to a previous routine. Just keep in mind that you aren’t quitting if something goes wrong. You’re being flexible to change, but you aren’t giving up!


[05:21] 3. If something goes wrong, start fresh tomorrow

I say “if” something goes wrong and I have to chuckle because more often than not, something goes wrong. 


Listen, life is complicated! Things happen, things go wrong. It’s not just with you, we all go through it. 


Here’s what you do. Take a deep breath… tomorrow is a new day. Press the imaginary reset button and try again. You can use the information from the issue to reassess and review what went wrong and why? This becomes information to help you move forward the next day.


Consistency doesn’t mean every day. It means never giving up. Consistency is about doing small things often. “Often” can be every other day. Get back on track tomorrow.


[06:14] 4. Learn and adjust when things go wrong

When you’re starting a new habit, routine, or ritual, you’re going to go through a growth phase. In this phase there is a lot of experimenting going on, it can be uncomfortable and confusing at times.


It truly is an adjustment period. Your body and brain are trying to figure out the easiest way to go from craving to reward. You’re taking in a lot of information, and you’re rewiring the circuits in your brain. You’re essentially re-training your brain and body.


This is a learning process, and failure can be an excellent teacher. Remember, we’re starting again the next day, BUT we’re not making the same mistakes. We’re learning from what went wrong and slight adjustments can really propel us forward.


Part of growth and personal development is failure; it’s learning; it’s repeating the ritual in a new way so that we can learn and grow more!


[07:16] 5. Make a little progress each day, even if it’s teeny-tiny

I always say, “progress over perfection.” The tiniest steps in the right direction will lead you to your goals.


If you’re having trouble completing your routine 100% start with 10 or 5% of the habit and work your way up. How can you make your new behaviour 2 minutes so that you know you’re making a little progress?


Here are some examples:

Instead of reading one chapter of a book a day, start with one page. 

Instead of walking 5km, start with 5 minutes.

Instead of creating a month’s worth of content, start with making a list of ideas that excite you.


A lot of the time our habits are small, seemingly insignificant behaviours that transform our lives over time. Take your time. You have the goal/target… one step toward that goal is better than 10 steps in the wrong direction or no steps at all.


These smaller, more meaningful steps will be more significant in the long run. How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.

[08:52] 6. Stack your new habits

Whether you realize it or not, you already have daily habits, routines, and rituals that you’re consistent with. 


Think specifically of how you get out of bed in the morning. How you make meals. Where you sit on the couch in the evening to relax. 


Are you someone who eats breakfast every morning? If yes, can you stack your new habit before or after you eat breakfast?


What other consistencies do you have in your routine that you can add a new habit to?


I started my morning green juice ritual by drinking my greens while I waited for my breakfast to cook. Sometimes that was warm morning oats, waiting for a smoothie to blend, or an egg to boil. I started with green juice three times a week, and now it’s a daily practice.


If the new routine is not stackable in your current schedule, time block your calendar for when you can complete the tasks or actions. What gets scheduled, is what gets done!


[09:55] 7. Keep clarifying your goals and priorities

One of the key habits of high performers and achievers is regularly assessing and getting clarity on their goals and priorities. They are constantly reviewing what’s important to them and making decisions that align with their values. If it doesn’t align, it’s not happening.


This helps them get things done. And the right things too. Enough arbitrary habits and routines. It’s time for meaningful actions that lead to transformation and the best version of ourselves. 


You’re more likely to achieve goals if they matter to you.


Seriously. Get clear on what matters to you. It can be your core values, a priority list, whatever you want to call it. Write it down in your phone, or in your journal and revisit this weekly or at least monthly. Is this still what you want, and are you taking actions in the correct direction to achieve this?


If yes, keep going.


If not, adjust. 


A final note about priorities: if everything becomes a priority, then nothing is a priority. Keep that in mind.


[11:08] 8. Time of day matters

When it comes to consistency, the time of day matters. You’re more likely to create a lasting habit AND make that behaviour a habit quicker IF you can do it at the same time every day. 


In the growth phase we talked about earlier, you can experiment with trying your habit at different times. For example try the morning for the first few days, and if that doesn’t work maybe afternoon, or evening, until you find the best, most consistent time.


For me, my workout routine gets done in the morning. SOMETIMES I make it to the gym in the evening, but that’s usually if I go with my boyfriend, otherwise if it’s not happening in the morning than it’s not happening haha


You want to get the task or practice done when you’re feeling most up for it.


[12:04] 9. Check-in regularly with how you’re feeling

If you didn’t already know this, I teach pilates and own a pilates studio. I start every class the same way: I make eye contact with each person, one at a time and ask them, how is their body feeling today?


And I do this daily with myself too. In the morning, while I’m preparing my green juice and doing my morning ritual, I ask myself how I’m feeling. And I set an intention for how I want to show up and feel for the day.

Now some days it’s really easy for me to embrace the day, and other days it’s a bit of a struggle. On the days that it feels a little slower to start the day, I do the best I can that day. 


Yes, consistency means doing the actions and habits even when we don’t feel like it, however you want to know yourself and understand what and why you’re feeling the way you are. Perhaps there’s more to it.


For example, with my snowboarding accident it’s a little tougher for me to workout right now as my body is still very tender and I am recovering from the injuries as well as the osteopath appointment I had this week. I’m going to go to the gym, but I’m going to see what my body can do, and not push myself if it’s too much. Even if I just do a 10 minute walk around the gym, that will be enough for me that day.


[13:25] 10. Take on your task when you’re in the correct mindset

When we know ourselves better we can use this information to do the actions not just at the right time in our schedules, but also at the right times in our minds. Being aware of our mindset is key to doing our new habits and routines successfully. 


When we’re in the right headspace, with the right mindset we are approaching the task with a positive and probably clear mind that will allow us to achieve the task, and more efficiently. 


If you aren’t coming at the behaviour with the right attitude, try and switch gears, or get your body moving to shake up any stale energy and then do the things. 


Maybe it’s helpful to take a deep breath, to change your environment, take some time alone, or call a friend and ask them to give you a little pep talk.


Knowing ourselves helps us overcome obstacles in the best ways for us, and allows us to refocus our minds so that we can get *ish done!


You don’t need motivation every day. Make a plan when you’re in the right headspace, and then stick to that plan. Overtime, your health, mood, motivation, and life will improve.



[14:52] Those are my 10 practices to help you be more consistent with your habits, routines, and rituals. Try them out if you are struggling with consistency.


Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know which of these you’re trying out to help you stay more consistent. 


If you follow these, you will move in the direction of your targets and goals. With your consistency and growth, you are becoming more and more like the best version of YOU. Give yourself some grace, and time to achieve the success you set out for.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E215: Understanding the REAL Urgency in your Life & Business
 
 

E215: Understanding the REAL Urgency in your Life & Business

Aashima helps women of colour founders scale their businesses using paid ads.

She’s been in the marketing industry for almost a decade; has a Bachelor of Commerce with Honors in International Economics, and post-graduate certifications in marketing management, public relations, and corporate communications.

Aashima  genuinely believes that you deserve to have a life outside of your business and that spending time with your family shouldn’t hinder your company’s growth.

Over the last 2 years, she’s helped more than 100 coaches in every niche imaginable scale their businesses and buy time back into their schedules so they can enjoy their life…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[01:16] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast Today I am very excited to welcome our special guest Aashima, who is such an incredible human in this online space of entrepreneurship. And what I love seeing or watching with you awesome as I kind of follow along on social media is that you lead such a full life. And this is one of the things that I find very inspiring about you is that yes, you talk about success in your business and growth and strategy and scaling. And I've done actually a few of your workshops, which have been also very valuable, very educational. And I think one of the things and, you know, correct me if I'm wrong kind of thing, but I think one of the things that makes you so successful is that you also include so much fun and travel and the things that really satisfy you or bring you joy in your life. And, you know, of course you have ups and downs in your life and business and of course you have these seasons you know like as we all go through these different cycles of those ups and downs, but yeah, just from like that outside perspective, I really see this, this abundance that you that you have in both life and business. so I just wanted to, you know, acknowledge you for that and recognize that in you because I find it very inspiring and big thank you that you're here today for the Women's Empowerment Podcast so thank you so much.


Aashima Verma: Thank you Val! I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for seeing it like I am never one to curate my feed or like to make it perfect. I just live my life and sometimes document it along the way. I am also not huge on just being on social media all the time. so if I'm having a really good day chances are it's not on social media.


I love to unplug. I love to be present. And thank you for saying that you see the abundance because like in the beginning of last year now 2022 i My business was added he around the time we had grown exponentially came I think all of the ways you can feel potentially and like what scaling comes a little bit of chaos. 


So like January 2022 I was actually just revealing my year and I noticed like I booked a hotel in Niagara and like one of those like really good views and all of those things. And I specifically remember being in the bathtub and just crying because I was like I don't know what is obviously successful. I am doing the right thing I know in my gut like this makes me happy. But there's something missing and I was there with a friend and then when I got out I said okay, what's what's wrong with you? Why are you like sobbing? And I'm like, I just see I just don't know. And even though what I do is so purposeful and I'm so mission led, but I still felt this void, that something was missing. So in the beginning of 2022 I made a promise to myself that I will do all of the things like I will prioritize things that truly bring me joy and the top of the leg. It is my family. For context. My family lives in India, so they're like a 16 hour flight away from where I am. But I will probably get two or three times actually 2022 Because I was like if God has given me this life, I have the flexibility. I want to use that and sometimes we feel like, hey, we can do all the things but we just don't choose to because of this idea of urgency and I don't want to fabricate urgency where life while my favorite things I've been telling myself is that you have time and you've just given myself to the permission to be paid. And obviously I'm young, I'm 27. I wanted to travel to the UK like I love traveling. It makes me happy too. so I did that. And part of doing all of this was like it was only possible because I made a strategic difficult decision of saying no to more clients in the season when I knew I would get more clients but just q4 for me.


And you know what I When I came back a lot of my friends are like, oh my god you feel like a different human.


And that was the purpose so yeah, thank you for acknowledging it, it was done on purpose.



[06:04] VL: I'm so glad to hear that. And I think you make a lot of really amazing points. And thank you for sharing so openly because a lot of the time because most of us are very virtual, very just see that all of the online world is really curated or even when it's not curated. We're not showing every single part of your business and one of the best pieces of advice I got early in my business was never compare the front end of your business to the front end of someone else's. 


And I got such a game changer and I feel like one of those really important lessons that really stuck with me over the years and I just keep reminding myself of that when you get stuck in that imposter syndrome and stuck in there like oh my goodness, why am I not scaling the way that I thought I wonder why am I not reaching my goals and all these things and you know it kind of gets us into this negative spiral so it's incredible that you were able to make those decisions and let go of that sense of urgency and let go of adding on more to your plate and just doing what feels right for you. 


I know that's really difficult for a lot of people and a lot of entrepreneurs to make that decision. So, what were some of the things that helped you navigate those, those times that stress in their life.


AV: Yeah, I feel like one of the biggest things that I taught, I tried to talk about it all the time. it's just like having good support in your life. whether that's friends, whether that therapy, whether that's going to your yoga class, whether that's gym for you, whatever that looks and feels like for you. Just having that support is crucial.


It could be listening to a cool podcast like yours, but whatever makes you feel supported. I think you cannot operate in your life and business if you don't feel supported. So I am a good delegator. if I say so myself, it comes from my experience in corporate. I was a manager When I made the switch to entrepreneurship so I know how to handle teams. I actually only go to entrepreneurship on one condition and like I will only do this if I can afford it.


If not, I don't want to do it all by myself. And I am so proud of everyone who does it by themselves because I am not going to sugarcoat and no matter what they tell you it is so hard. Because you are a specialist. Usually an entrepreneur is a specialist in one thing, and then when we say oh I'm going to become a business owner, there's like 500 other categories that you're not a specialist in and you have to be a beginner again and if you have gotten to an expert level in one area, it's really hard to be a beginner and sometimes as small business owners you don't have resources to hire out or outsource right away. So it is an incredible journey and I have been very regular in my therapy. 


I've been very regular with whoever like health practitioner that I'm working with for the last couple of years like I got diagnosed with PCOS. And then it was just a lifestyle change. I spoke with this Instagram influencer who's now friend and she talks about PCOS. Her name was Sena from PCOS @the.pcos.dietitian

https://instagram.com/the.pcos.dietitian?igshid=MWI4MTIyMDE=


She told me. “Don't let PCOS be your entire identity” and I think that is so true because when it comes to like any sort of chronic illness it's so overwhelming because we live it every day. Right so for me it was just like a huge like even when I was hired out a personal trainer or even if I was hiring that like no matter who I was working with I was like oh they need to have this special to your you know and and then there came a point where like spoke to my mom like they said she thought adding more stress to my life. Like I commented to this I feel like things are getting worse. Especially when I started focusing on it. And then she like got me in touch with this ayurvedic practitioner, and I'm just working with someone now who understands my body and does it in a very easy and holistic way. I think I've learned how to be an advocate for my health and do what feels good versus listen to 100 other people on the internet and don't try to do everything. So being very selective would be with who I let taken like help me with my health. Really saving that's like that's been my major mental health, physical health and then I feel like once I have some sort of lens I feel good and now that's when I can focus on my work and my business. And I think stealing bag is a very difficult strategic decision because i Everyone during this like hitting a million and then you do the math like hey, my offer is this much divided by a million. I just need 25 people even though that's true, and if you have the capacity, you should definitely go for it. For me. I knew that my capacity honestly allows me to check 12 people in a year. And I and I did have I do have demand of people who want to work with me. So I I increased my price and it was scary. And I always wanted to do it in a way where the value matches the price tag. So it was a very careful decision and just scary honestly to be like nah, I will not work with these type of clients. So just being super selective can feel super scary and you will hit a dip in your revenue too because you're making such a transition in your business. So obviously I've gone through it one time going through it again this year, just the end like for the new year. my goal is to work with more corporations or growing companies because that support the lifestyle that I want to live.


[12:24] VL: But yeah, that's so exciting, like so many things. So many changes so many, I guess, decisions that you made, like you've been so supportive to your own health and I love how I think in each of these scenarios, what you're really do is taking a moment and finding some stillness, and asking yourself what you really want, what you really need, and then moving forward in that decision and not just reacting to things, but responding to what makes the most sense for you. And you know, we live in such a fast paced world and you'd mentioned urgency earlier and it's like, I don't know who put those expectation on us to reply to every way or to every opportunity or whatever every contract and, you know, I myself even made a difficult decision. to not renew a contract with someone that I was working with. and at first I was like, oh, yeah, that sounds exciting. and then when I really sat did what you did.


Is not the right time for this partnership or this contract. And it feels really scary. It feels really tough, but I also think I think there's also this sense of relief when you do make the right decision. And it's like, you just have to take that little leap and then it's like, you can breathe again.


​​Yeah, that shows up so much. I feel like so many things you were saying like hiring a team and not doing it on your own. I am very much someone who is very dependent and likes to do things my way but I'm not an expert at everything. And I actually run two businesses. One of them I have a team and the other one I find myself and the one that I have a team with is scaling so much faster than the one that I'm doing about myself with but if I actually sit down and take the time to recognize I'm like, Okay, here we go. So you're giving me so many ideas, and I'm like, Oh, my God. She's calling me out right now.


Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's, it's pretty. It's pretty cool. I mean, there's so many different phases of entrepreneurship and business ownership. And as you start to grow, it's like there's this new challenge of the next level, and you're like, Oh, I just climbed a whole entire flight of stairs. and then oh, my god, wait, there's another one. and there's another one. and I love that what you're saying is like throughout the journey you're checking in throughout the journey you're consistent with your therapies. Our support teams.


And I love that what you're saying is like throughout the journey you're checking in throughout the journey you're consistent with your therapies, our support teams, and I love that you found someone to to help you with everything, which like, is huge because you really want to be able to trust somebody. And then the other thing I wanted to circle back on with you, is that what you talked about in like not identifying as the mental health or the physical health or the like, I don't want to call it like your shoe or the challenge but not identifying as yourself as something maybe on like a spectrum of things. And it's so funny that you say this because if you want to make a new habit, you need to identify as a person who identifies as that habit.


And it's so funny that you say this because if you want to make a new habit, you need to identify as a person who does anything just telling you, okay, the same is what we do and we identify as like the negative part of it. So it's really about flipping that script. So for example, I I share this with people It sounds kind of gross, but I used to hate flossing my teeth like I just I don't know, I didn't even hate it that much. I just didn't do it. And I did it like once a week, which is so gross that I hate admitting that but it was true.


I just flipped one thing and I just said I am a person who flosses. Everything changed, everything changed. I floss every single night without fail. If I forget, I get back up out of bed and I go floss my teeth because I am a person who flosses and it's a huge it's such a small thing, but I don't think a lot of people recognize what their languaging every single day and even just the thoughts not even having to say it out loud. but just the thoughts that we have are so impactful on how we move into the world and how we like to see other people or see the world itself. So is there anything that you like tell yourself or do like journal about or annoy us weren't affirmation, but you know what I mean is there something like a script in your mind that you use when you're stepping into these like new levels and when you're scaling to the next bit of your, your business, what is what is what are the thoughts on what does the speech of the language the Aashima and says?


AV: I always have posted now just depending on like what see there I'm in currently because again, it's starting up a new season, and I loved how you talked about like the script like I am that person. I I think I am working with a coach to who I am like I have never invested in mindset coaching like this before. I feel like when I started last year I because I was going through all of those feelings. You know just date I created a very low key vision board. No real, real photos. It just worked for both like what I want in my life. And I wrote three big words very simple and I wrote home I wanted to buy my own home I said happiness. I wanted to be a little more happy. I have more joy and then I wrote health. I didn't mention work because of the sentiment I had towards work at the time. I just like that I'll figure it out. And I wanted to prioritize these two things and under and like one of those scribbles was. I love doing little wifey thing.


I didn't cook, I have a cleaning company. I source my meals like I was that person because again so go go go I didn't have time. I genuinely think it's a real thing. I did not have time. And it's a very, it's a beautiful technique. I actually recommend hiring within your home before your business. Again, it all comes down to how do you feel supported? Because I didn't have those skills for the home things I was like this needs to be delegated first. So while I did that, I also during the year I was also seeking a partnership and I was seeking a person in my head. I'm like dreaming about this person. I'm like, they also have a job and potentially if they're going to be my partner like I also have to come in my 50% and a part of that 50% For me looks like that. I also know how to like to do things around the house a little bit especially if I went to live with someone. So it's like my friends laugh at this like two versions of me because like, like when it comes to business. I genuinely like to feel really confident in tackling almost everything. And then it comes to like house things and like regular chores and I'm like I don't know how to chop this properly. But like last year, I just like wrote, like I love to do the little Wi Fi thing. They love to make these quick meals at home. And it's so interesting. So, like I came back in December and I saw myself cooking and I found myself doing those little things. I care about my home field. I still have the cleaning company. I still have my HelloFresh coming in, but I cook those myself. And it's something flipped because I don't really know I did it wasn't like gradual increment. Now for me just like I came back from this lovely trip and I finally had the mental capacity and I have the time.


Honestly, it feels really good to wind down after five o'clock and cook my own dinner. It feels really good to just like the clutter and I added all and I genuinely in hindsight I feel it's only, it was possible.


It's not that I couldn't because clear I'm cleaning I'm very clear. I'm like no do not love this. This will still be a cooking day bring me joy and now it's like my habits but and I never thought I'd be that person but I like you know have that seed. I planted that seed earlier and by the end.


I don't know, it happened but it did. So. Yeah, that identity shift is amazing. and the thing about negative things is that or not even negative. I say it with air quotes, “negative” but it's just when you focus on those things. It gets you into victim mode.


You know and you start comparing you're like you start feeling entitled in some ways, and I just, I, I always want to feel empowered. I don't want to go into that state where I can't do anything about things. So, yeah, sorry I totally forgot the question. What was it?


[21:47] VL: Yeah, no, that's perfect. It was about what? What are you thinking? Or What are you telling yourself or what is the script which you definitely shared with us? That's so cool that you did that practice at the beginning of the year and it just kind of happened organically. It seemed like or, like you said, you just kept coming back to that mental space. And, you know, this is such an important reminder or even just maybe someone is hearing this for the first time and thinking like, oh my god, I'm so stressed out about not focusing on my mental and emotional health and I mean, as you're sharing these stories, I'm recognizing this in my own life as well as how whenever I focus on my own health and wellness, everything else including my business, my relationships and my like my output from my work and how I show up and that space is so much more whole. And you know, the first time I kind of heard a story about this was years ago, someone was saying, I delegated a bunch of tasks that needed to be done, and then every day for what this person did was commit to something with self care. so it was like a one hour massage one day and the next day it was like taking a long bubble bath. and I'm thinking, how do you have the time to just because it's not really a one hour massage, you're driving to the resort and you're driving to the spa. you're getting you don't.


Being able to turn on vacation, tomorrow I leave, and I'm thinking to myself, am I okay to turn off the workload to settle it and it's going to take at least a day to transition to that sometimes.


I'm getting better at relaxing, but you know, it sounds scary because you're like, but I have to keep doing. I can't stop. I can't take breaks. I can't quit and it's like you're not quitting you're fueling yourself. You're filling your cup, so that you can scale so that you can shine the brightest. and, man, I feel like I wish I took that more seriously when I started.


It's the new year. We can do it today!


What's one thing the listener can take away today like what's one thing that we could do right after we finished that will help set ourselves up for this year, mentally and emotionally?




AV: I feel like within this like near your spirit, setting goals and all of those things I keep coming back to this thing where like so much talking about rest and maintenance, right? It's so hard.


I will not be working but my brain is thinking of 1 million things like technically I'm watching TV but it's also doing something else. So it's been a real struggle and the emotion that comes up for me is guilt. I feel guilty of not working. I feel guilty of not showing up at 100 I feel I feel like I am taking away from my work when I give time to other things including so it's a work in progress for me and I like to be honest about it because we live in this productivity era. And I'm all about it and I consider myself a productive but it's hard to turn that to a job it's hard to just feel like I don't want to rest because that helped my business I want to rest because I want to I want to do travel because I want to write so. i i just i Everyone has affirmation that I'm so glad you asked that question. But the thing about those words is like sometimes like I when I started I used to I am abundant. And then I would like these things in small, but me and no way i i have the term. She's like seven figures and beyond lovely person just like living and preaching what she, you know, like what she talks about? And she said I make money while I sleep. And I was like in full honesty. I do not believe that right now. Like I can repeat that to myself if I don't believe in it. 100 And like I can tell the Yeah, for myself. I prefer other than that it's not true. Right now. And then she said one of the things I think I've ever heard she said what can you get your energy which is like it's easier to believe and what I couldn't get my energy behind was like I take breaks when my body is in overdrive.


I choose to take breaks when I feel tired. I do not power.


I take breaks and like I come back.


And I think when you're choosing your words or like when you're choosing to do things to yourself at the end of the day the goal is to be more gentle towards yourself. Like why do you want to be this mean person?


Ourselves, right? So I My goal is to have like my my goal is that the voice is quiet kinder and more gentle towards myself. And I have this sticky note which, like, pasted on my desktop and everything will work out. Get you a recipe for water that is very simple.


And I think that is the key when choosing some words When we're choosing words to guide us.


​​It's so funny because like in 2020 My posted used to say pressure as a privilege.


Right? That was where my mind was and I still agree pressure is a privilege but I don't resonate with that as well. It doesn't say that that season in my life. So you when you choose words, you have to believe that


Something that one thing The one thing that the listener can do today.

I think just every time you feel stressed and every time you feel like you're behind, every time you feel like you're spiraling and someone is doing better than us. Just take a deep breath and like step outside even if it's just like literally outside the door, just like get out. Physical location has energy in and with the home office lives like it's really hard to get out of that zone and I highly highly recommend just getting outside, getting nature, getting outside for a walk. and you don't have to be like hell to agree with you on these things. These are just little steps and little habits. like in the heart. it's almost like learning how to breathe again. You know? so, like it's a little thing but I don't believe that it's like the number one hacks or anything, just like it's a lifestyle thing.


Yeah, whatever makes you feel, feel like you could, whatever feels like hey, this is something my best friend would do for me right now. Do that for yourself.


[29:48] VL: Oh, that's so good I love it! Oh my gosh, I love everything you're saying. I think that's really important. it's especially the way we talk to ourselves or the way that we view things like there are times of business where we need to reflect and say like okay, this is what's working. this is what's not working, the leads of judgment out of that. you know, it needs to be like you said, What would you say to your best friend, you're not gonna lie to them. you're gonna be honest and you're gonna be loving and caring and I always say the most important relationship you have in this world is the one you have with yourself because that's who you are with at the end of the day.


And so you really have to love that person. You have to love yourself. That could mean going to therapy, it could be working out. It could be getting that fresh air. It could be hiring a team or delegating your tasks. And you've touched on so many things and so many actionable steps that people can do that are so simple. And love what you and your coach said about, you know, what, can you get your energy behind? What's something true for you? And really is that starting point of that feeling of what you want to embody what you want to identify as, And you just grow from there. those little tiny things. It is a lifestyle, I think, of choosing entrepreneurship. You have to understand that.


No, you don't really stop but you're the one who makes the choices and you can choose And I think we can both agree that we believe highly recommend choosing taking breaks and prioritizing rest and prioritizing the health because really, like if you don't have your health if you're sick all the time or if you're rundown or burnt out or feel too much pressure. What use are you going to be or how expertise are you going to be in your field ? So many good things.


Before we get into the final rapid fire round of today's show is there anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share?


AV: I think in the beginning of the podcast we talked about urgency, and how I don't think that there's urgency in my business, or like in my work like in my career. I feel like I have time to show the world other people love it and just not that I am very ambitious. I just given myself time to do all those things, and it feels better.

That being said, I, I realized the real urgency in their life. It exists with people.


I chose to travel to India because I realized, hey, my parents are getting older. You know, and it's a reality for a lot of millennials and I know they're the things that do have an expiry date and urgency. So choose what you feel like it's urgent for you like you're, you know, the whole concept of glass balls and plastic balls like things that can bounce bounce up. Some things cannot. So, your health, like sometimes you have a health condition that you cannot reverse all the time. There's multiple health but health family, those things are top priority for me because those are actually urgent and we just like we have this list of urgency all flipped over, and that's not, that's not good for you or anyone, though. Yeah, I just wanted to share that.


[33:35] VL: That's perfect and I think that's another great action is really recognizing what our priority is and recognizing that family does come first. Certainly for me, like I spend a lot of time but I choose to do that right and I understand what you're saying about the urgency. My parents, my grandparents. So that's really great. I'm glad that you mentioned.


So, my darling. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business?




Website: https://www.aashimaverma.com/

LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/aashima-verma 

Instagram: https://instagram.com/theaashimaverma?igshid=MWI4MTIyMDE=


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR favourite book?

AV: I actually watched the woman cake yesterday and Viola Davis's memoir, “Finding Me” something along those lines. 


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

AV: Empowerment means… It means taking responsibility for everything that happens to you just literally Yeah, taking responsibility, why when I feel responsible for whatever happens to work for me. I feel empowered because I feel empowered to change the situation or tainted outcome.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

AV: I think I have my sleep routine. But I've struggled with sleep. My entire adult life that I did say no fine before sleeping and like a rational person to do my skin care. and I have my sleep music so that's like the whole streets of habit, but to sleep. 


4. What are you currently working toward?

AV: Currently I am. as I mentioned, I'm in this huge transition or that's what it feels like working with selective clients that are that are growing exponentially, but not scaling sustainably. So that's what I'm working towards: just find those people and focusing, you know, and helping them be sustainable so that they can truly have a life outside of their work.


[37:17] VL: That sounds so amazing. And I'm so excited for this transition in your life. I know you're going to be doing so many amazing things for some really incredible people because that's who you are. And that's what you do. And I wanted to say thank you so much again for being on the podcast. It's been so lovely. chatting with you. It's a pleasure to have you. And I just again, I want to recognize that you are an incredible inspiration and very educational person in this virtual world. I know we have a lot of mutual friends and connections and I think that we would all agree when I say that You really know how to hold space for other people and lead by example in your work and in your life and we're all I'm for sure very grateful.


Aww, I do try. And yeah, if I can do it I know other people can too. I don't believe in gatekeeping, this is lovely to hear. Thank you.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E214: 3 Unexpected Ways Healthy Habits Could Change Your Life
 
 

E214: 3 Unexpected Ways Healthy Habits Could Change Your Life

Almost exactly a year ago we launched our very-first-ever 21 day Healthy Habit Challenge, and since then we’ve supported over 100 women in elevating their life through healthy habits!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:42] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! This is the first episode of 2023 and in all honesty I was feeling some pressure as to what I would share for the first episode of the year. 


I asked myself: 

  • How could I best support the audience of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast?

  • What could I share that would really inspire and empower them to make the most of 2023?

  • What do they need to hear at this moment? 


So I asked the questions, and I got quiet. I felt a nudge toward “stories.” Stories from everyday women who are making an impact. Women who are taking action to connect deeper to themselves and to their communities.


And three wise women said HELL YES! To sharing their stories and experiences of the life-changing magic of their healthy habits.


Last year I was so fortunate to work with these three women and over a hundred more on elevating their lives through tiny changes.


We did this in a closed community container I host seasonally for 21 days, and we call it the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge!


Our next challenge starts THIS MONTH, and you can join us at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge

Now, if you’re listening to this episode after our winter 2023 challenge, don’t you worry! We still have spring, summer, and fall to come! So use the same link to access the upcoming challenge OR the waitlist.


Okay, before we get into these voice clips, I have a request for YOU, the listener. I am asking you to listen with the intention of tuning into yourself and answering these questions for YOU!


You might be thinking, “But Val I haven’t participated in the 21 day challenge… yet?”


If that’s the case, answer the questions as if you had participated. Imagine WHAT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU.



Answer in the past tense to manifest it into your present and future. I’ll explain more of how this works as we go.


[00:40] First question: What is your name, feeling word, and habit for the 21 day challenge?


Claim your name with power and worthiness. “I AM (state your name).”


The feeling word is very crucial to forming our new behaviour, because the feeling anchors us in the NOW. How do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in this world? How do you want to move through your days?


What one or two SMALL actions can you perform every day for the next 21 days to help you connect and embody this feeling word. This is your new healthy habit.


Need some inspiration? Let’s hear from our incredible guests:


Paula: My name is Paual Jeffery, and my goal was to feel strong and supported and my habit was to move my body every day for 21 days.


Robyn: My name is Robyn, and I participated in the 21 day challenge. My feeling word was light and the habit that I chose was to get 10 00 steps in every day, primarily being outdoors getting those steps in.


Jana: My name is Jana and my feeling words for the 21 day healthy habit challenge were centered, balanced, and spaciousness. And I was really just wanting to feel more intentional, more balanced like I had more time in my day to get things done. My habits were no cell phone an hour before bed and an hour after waking, getting in 2 litres of water at least, getting in some movement every single day, and also daily meditation.


Can you tell already how important the feeling word is? It identifies the WHY of the healthy habits, so that as you go through each day, you are reminded of why you signed up in the first place. As you create your feeling word, create the habits around it. Each day you have the opportunity to connect to the feeling even before you complete the action.


Speaking of action, each of our guests took action and enrolled in the healthy habit challenge. But every journey starts even before the beginning of the 21 days. This leads me to the… 


[5:54] Second Question: Where were you in your life, or how were you feeling before starting the challenge?


So let’s say you haven’t completed a challenge yet. What is it that is calling you forward? Where are you at right now in your life? The frustrations, the goals, the readiness. Recognize it, and describe it. 


We all have different reasons for needing a change, no judgment necessary. Knowing where we’re at helps us understand the best next step forward.


Maybe you have done one of our healthy habit challenges before, or something similar. What were your reasons for joining? What called you to this next level in your journey? What did your body, mind, heart, soul need?


There are clues to our possibilities within this call to adventure, let’s hear from our guests to understand what brought them to this point in their journey.


Paula: Before starting the challenge, I was definitely in a place where I was not feeling supported. I was coming out of a fairly stressful fall in winter where my physical health had sort of fallen by the wayside. and this really felt like an opportunity to kind of get back in touch with my physical body and figure out ways to help feel supported so that it can support me.


Robyn: At the time, I was adjusting to a big season of my daughter's starting kindergarten and coming off a really busy chaotic summer. So I'm really looking forward to giving myself some time and space in my day to focus on my health mentality and to just release a little bit of the heavy burdens. I was carrying.


Jana: Before starting the challenge, I was just feeling like my mornings were sort of wasted time. There was nothing intentional about them. and I wasn't taking advantage of being able to start my day when I wanted and you know, all the benefits of having my own business. I wanted to do it so that I could have slow mornings and really get my day off to a good start. And I wasn't doing that I was wasting time scrolling and I was drinking too much coffee and then it left me feeling jittery and awful. You know, so I was really just wanting to be a bit more intentional and have some really good foundations to my day.


In each of these three scenarios, we can pinpoint both moving away and moving toward. Moving away from not feeling support, of a chaotic season, of an unsupportive routine. And moving toward a deeper connection to self, more spaciousness, and more intentional routines.


In your own response, with how you’re feeling or where you’re at before starting the challenge, are you moving away or toward? There is no right or wrong answer, and maybe the answer is both! 


These questions are meant to help you reflect and review so that you can make wiser decisions moving forward with a ritual, routine, habit or system that makes you feel most joyful and supported!


[09:47] Third Question: What was your favourite part of the 21 days?


Picture this: you and other like-minded women working toward empowering and elevating your life through these small, meaningful actions.


These tiny actions are leading you to remarkable results in your life, relationships, health, and more.


Within the 21 day container, and with the support of myself and the community, what shifts, changes, magic do you feel happening for you?


When you think of how you showed up, even when it was tough, what memories bring a smile to your face through the process?


There were many great moments, but here were the favourites from our guests:


Paula: I think my favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was the Instagram aspect and seeing Val's posts every day, reminding me that I needed to move my body, I think that was really helpful but it was also just a really good reminder that I wasn't the only person doing it, and I loved seeing other people sharing their little charts showing their progress and with their reflections and everything like that.


Robyn: My favorite part of the challenge was just the commitment and the accountability. There were many days where I did not feel like getting my steps in but I was so motivated to have and the community behind me I did not want to let them down. I did not want to let myself down. And it was a really beautiful experience of keeping a promise to myself. And ultimately, there were some there were some areas where I was not able to get my stepson because I got sick and got a bit crazy, but I was still able to feel into my feeling where it of lightness and other ways. So I learned it was even less about the habit and more about who I was becoming through the commitment to myself and the feeling of being light.


Jana: My favorite part of the challenge was having Val in my corner and having an accountability buddy and I did do the one on one private coaching session with Val which also just helped me go so much deeper and really connect more to why I was wanting to do this.


And MY favourite part of these challenges is seeing how the community shows up for themselves and each other. It’s pretty incredible to see the collective group moving toward a common goal. Some people have connected outside of the challenge and continue to cheer each other on through life.


In the last voice clip, Jana shared that she had a 1:1 coaching call with me, which I offered to the challengers as a bonus/add on for anyone who wanted to take advantage of it throughout the 21 days.


This allowed us to connect privately with more accountability. I also do voice note or DM check ins with everyone sporadically during the challenge and this helps me see where people are at, if there is any extra support or education I can offer live throughout the challenge. 


It’s not one of those automated dripped content courses. This is REAL-TIME, REAL PEOPLE, REAL RESULTS, THE REAL DEAL. 


Which leads me to…


[13:22] Question Four: What part of the challenge had the biggest impact on your life during the three weeks?


Let’s say you chose a healthy habit that made your life better by 1% every time you completed this habit. Now let’s say you continued this action every day for 21 days in a row. Your life would improve by 21%. Right?


Yes AND here’s the hidden gift about consistency when creating a new healthy habit: it creates a positive impact on other areas of your life.


For example, when I get 8 hours of sleep every night with consistent wake up and bedtime hours, I have more energy when I wake up. When I have more energy in the mornings I feel motivated to get more done. Tasks like: communicating with team members, clients, and the community in an enthusiastic way. I’m motivated to workout, maybe even lift heavier weights, or make things a little spicier in my pilates practice.


And those are some very basic examples of how getting 8 hours of sleep with consistent wake up and bedtime hours impacts not only my quality of sleep, but my energy, my relationships, and my physical health.


What about you?


What tiny action is a 1% improvement for your life? What can a 1% improvement repeated, do for you in all areas of your life?


Let’s listen to how our guest’s healthy habits impacted them in life-changing ways…


Paula: I think the feeling word had the biggest impact on my life because it really reframed the purpose of a habit. and it helped me get past a lot of the obstacles that came up. So instead of focusing so much on having to do a certain workout every single day, focusing on how my body feels strong and supported today really opened up a whole world of opportunity for what my habit could look like each day. and I think that was really important for me as somebody who doesn't necessarily resonate with doing the same thing every single day. That really opened up a lot of freedom and it shifted the way that I look at habits in general.


Robyn: The part of the challenge that had the biggest impact in my life during the three weeks was just that every single day commitment to spending some time with myself and prioritizing my needs and showing up for who I wanted to become. Not just who I was in the current reality of a bit of chaos and busy days. So showing up for the version of me that was stronger, that was lighter, that was more nourished that had more space in her day. allowed me to actually be that person and experience that reality because I was able to create it and to see that it was possible for me to have already I didn't have to wait for it. The check ins were also really helpful.


Jana: Again, I think the biggest impact that I felt during this challenge was connecting back to that feeling wired and everything in my life I do is about a feeling or you know feeling good or getting rid of a bad feeling or, you know, using my feelings as a way to guide me and my day to day and so getting back to that feeling and why do I want to feel this way? It really had such an impact. Also getting more water didn't hurt anything. I swear it helped me sleep so much better. And, you know, getting more sleep just makes you feel more balanced and centered so that was also a huge thing.


The healthy habit challenge is meant to be simple, with a focus on taking action. Whether that is taking action with the new habit, or in another way being able to connect to the feeling word. 


While I set the challenge up to be as smooth, simple, and easy to do as possible, it is still called a “challenge.” We don’t always want to do the healthy habits. If we did, I probably wouldn’t have created this program. 


Which is why I included…

[17:52] Question Five: Were there any obstacles you faced before or during the challenge? If so, how did you overcome them?


To answer this question for yourself, reflect on past experiences of when you’ve wanted to make a new healthy habit, or break an unhealthy one. Where did you get stuck? How did you overcome that obstacle?


Again, this is information; it’s evidence to understand how you can set yourself up for success. Let’s hear from our guests…


Paula: I thought the biggest obstacle meeting my goal of the day, the actual biggest obstacle was having compassion for myself when I missed a day and continuing forward.


I think that it was really helpful to remember the feeling that I wanted to evoke on those days and that feeling strong and supported can look many different ways, even if the habit action doesn't look exactly the same. So I think that was a really helpful piece of the challenge.


Robyn: Some of the challenges I faced was I got sick. For a few days, I had no energy, my body was telling me to really rest. And I had this internal tug of war around whether I could get my 10,000 steps in or not. And for me, that was really about listening to my body feeling connected to my body, and honoring what was truly in alignment, not just what I thought I should be doing. Which really changed the landscape of the goals for me because it was less about ticking the box, and more about becoming someone who kept promises to herself, someone who prioritized the way she wanted to feel someone who consistently connected with her body, nourished her body in the ways it was asking for.


Jana: One of the obstacles that I came up against was probably just after the first week we're midway into the second week. I forgot why I was doing this. I was just going about these new habits I was trying to bring into my life without remembering why and remembering what that feeling word was. And so Val brought me back to that and connected me to my y and that really helped me to remember how I wanted to feel every day and then it made the habits easier to do because then it didn't feel like I was just doing something for the sake of doing it. I was doing it for a reason to feel a certain way.


With any journey, with any transformation comes the waves of change. Obstacles aren’t excuses for giving up. They are there to deepen your commitment, to remind you of why you started, to make you stronger along the way.


If it were too easy, it wouldn’t be fun! 


Something these three women have in common is that they have participated in multiple 21 day challenges, so I wanted to know if they did anything differently the second time around.


[21:19]  Final question: what did you do differently for your second round that made you more successful with your healthy habits?


For you, answer this as the version of you who has just completed 21 days of elevated habits, routines, or rituals. How are you going to show up for the NEXT 21 days after that? Knowing what you know now, how will you continue to grow, and elevate to the next level?


Perhaps our guest can give you some ideas with how they did this themselves:


Paula: The second time around was more successful hands down because I was more committed to it. I was more engaged. I was clear on my intention. I was deeply connected to my feeling word, and I really wanted it to work. I was also just more open to it. Transforming the way I saw the habit that I was working with, instead of it being a forceful thing or fixing me or anything like that. it was something that I really wanted, and it was something that felt good in my body to commit to so fully. It was better because of how I showed up to it.


Robyn: I've done the challenge twice now and I would say that this time round. I really felt into my my feeling word a little bit more intentionally, as well as what habit I wanted to create for myself, not something that I thought I should choose, or for a reason I thought I should choose or that would be healthy for me, but I really allowed myself to choose what felt truly aligned and to not overthink it. I think that made all the difference because there was a lot of fun Enjoy attached to getting my steps in and it felt so much less like a chore. And when there were challenges that presented themselves It was easy for me to pause and then get back on track to maintain that goal. And that commitment to myself and to create that feeling word, no matter what was going on in my life.


Jana: The thing that I did different for the second round of the challenge is again about connecting to that word about connecting to how I want to feel and really just keeping that in mind. The actual habit that I'm trying to create almost doesn't matter so much as the feeling. And I think Val says that best where she gives the example of going to the gym, and it's not about going to the gym. it's about closing that laptop. First. you know, it's the thing you do before you do the habit. and Val can explain that better than I just did there. but it's about what's the thing that I want to do before I do the habit. And so, you know, connecting to those feelings again and just keeping that front and center, makes all of the difference to me. So, keeping my words in mind. And, you know, I am going to stick to some of those same words.


I love that each of our guests emphasized the intention and the feeling of being something more meaningful and personal to them.


During the challenge I will show up daily with short posts and stories to encourage, inspire, and educate the challenge members. In the very early days of the challenge I put a lot of emphasis on the feeling word and choosing habits that resonate most with YOU. Not what everyone else is doing, or what’s trendy in the wellness world. But what would make you feel most joyful, centred, light, strong, etc.


And what Jana was sharing at the end, about the habit not always being what you think… that was one of my shares when I talk about how the habit isn’t the workout. The habit is that I close my laptop and get in the car to drive to the gym.


If I don’t close the laptop, I’ll stay working on my computer all day! But when I close it and get in the car and drive to the gym, I have to workout. Plus, the workout is different every time I go to the gym, but the laptop closing is the same every time. 

So as you prepare for the next 21 day healthy habit challenge, consider how you want to feel, what actions/behaviours can help you connect to this feeling wod, AND is there anything else that has to be done BEFORE your new habit?


If you’ve answered these questions for yourself in the past or present tense, you’ve tricked your brain into thinking that you’ve already completed the challenge. That you’ve already jump started the journey to elevating your life through new healthy habits.


This allows you to embody the version of you you desire to be. And instead of desiring, you are becoming; embodying; identifying as HER.


With the reflection, examples, and stories you’ve heard today, what are your next steps as your embodied self?


Perhaps it’s joining our next challenge

Or maybe it’s writing your feeling word down on a sticky note and keeping it somewhere you can see it every day.


There is no time like the present when it comes to forming your healthy habits. Whatever action you decide to take today, let it be one toward your goals and highest self.



More episodes like this:

Episode 173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact in Only 21 Days

Episode 194: From Frazzled to Focused in 21 Days

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E213: Best of 2022 / Holiday Party!
 
 

E213: Best of 2022 / Holiday Party!

One of the best ways to wrap up the year is to celebrate how far you’ve come with the people you appreciate most! Thank you for joining me this year, and for this holiday special…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:39] This is the final episode of the year, and as tradition goes, we always end the year with our Holiday Party episode where we countdown the top five episodes of the year!


This is a great opportunity to revisit some of your favourites + a reminder to celebrate everything you’ve achieved this year. What better way to celebrate than with each other!


What’s pretty cool is that we’ve kept this tradition going from the very beginning of the show.


Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 160: 2021

Episode 109: 2020 

Episode 59: 2019


Alright, as long as it is safe for you to do so - meaning you aren’t driving or anything - I would love for us to raise a glass together to cheer for this past year. Today I’m drinking a classic hot chocolate with marshmallows and oat milk. Mmm


To the ups and downs… to the lessons and to the gifts. This year has been an adventure, and we’ve made it through. May we grow stronger and wiser from where we’ve come, and may the new year bring us support, abundance, and magic.


SALUT!


As much as I love the tradition of this show, I did want to do something new this year. If you’ve been a long time listener, you would have noticed a few changes to the show! This year I started incorporating little “book report'' episodes! 


In human design my profile has a “1” in it. This means that a personal quality of mine is being an “investigator.” This quality makes me eager to learn everything there is about a particular subject or topic. I love diving into books, blogs, podcasts, posts, conversations with experts and so much more. It can be a little obsessive, but the good news is it makes me better at what I do because I’m always learning new things and ways to apply them.


In these book report style episodes, I share some of my biggest takeaways from the book as well as how I apply the techniques, concepts and ideas in my own coaching programs and services. 


They’re great episodes if you’re looking for a quick book summary before reading it for yourself, and/or if you’re interested in taking action on your immediate goals and habits!


The books I’ve read and shared on the show this year are:

Episode 174: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

The Four Tendencies Book


Episode 182: GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Grit Book


Episode 199: Limitless by Jim Kwik

Limitless Book


Episode 212: Atomic Habits by James Clear

Atomic Habits Book

I plan on continuing with this style of episode and featuring four new books for next year! If you have any book requests or suggestions, you can send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife



While these book report episodes were popular this year, they were no match for our top 5 most popular episodes of the year. 

[5] E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kickass Routine ft. Candice


[04:00] Our 5th most popular episode of 2022 was episode 166: A Gentle Approach to a Kickass Routine with Candice


This year I featured some of my clients and community members who have worked with me in creating their new healthy habits and routines. My guest Candice was one of the client features.


Candice and I became fast friends when we met in Belize almost three years ago. And even though we live in different countries, and are currently on opposite sides of the world, we still manage to stay in touch and talk almost daily!


Through our time of knowing each other Candice and I have worked together on and off with a number of different habits, routines, and rituals. 



Some of the big transformational pieces from our work together has been overcoming the “all or nothing” beliefs: “If I don’t do all the new habits at once, then there’s no point in doing them at all.”


As we worked through the “go hard or go home” mindset, Candice learned that a more gentle approach to herself and with her routines was really the key in creating the perfect, kick-ass routine for her.


At the time of the production for this podcast episode, Candice is in the midst of more travel! I wanted to know how Candice was taking her practices on her travels and into the new year.


1. How are you balancing your routines as you travel? Are there lots of changes you have to make while you’re away, can you tell us about those?


Candice: I had to reframe how I hold routines while I travel. That's been like probably the biggest change and shift is that like recognizing that my routines and my habits are a toolkit that I can I can pull from in any given moment based on for that time, right and so instead of having to do all of my routines and being more flexible, and also being a little bit more kind and gentle while traveling, not not always going to be able to work out or not always gonna have the space to meditate or whatever it is, like whenever I talked to you last I was on a 19 hour train journey, right? It's like not working out on that train. Also, like I got up at 3am didn't get into bed until after midnight. And so like that day, wasn't able to like meditate, tried to journal a little bit on the train, but it's like very, very bumpy and so being gentle with myself and flexible, has been key, I would say into finding that balance has really been about flexibility and introspection. There are a lot of changes that I've had to make and a lot of it comes back to introspection, like being aware of where I'm at energy wise and whatnot. Noticing when I need social time when I need to give myself alone time where I can just focus on myself journal, you know, create that space.


A lot of it too is prioritizing like while I'm traveling, it's really easy to get like wrapped up in all of the, like, the busyness of travel and doing everything, seeing everything, like a routine will ground me a little bit and so I've had to adjust it quite a bit and be really mindful about my mornings to just to set the day, the tone of the day and then my evenings I really have to prioritize, excuse me, really have to prioritize making even just like a few minutes for like gratitude practice.


Journaling practice and normally back home like my gratitude practices can Evening, Evening journal, with gratitude but while I'm traveling it's way easy. like it's I'm doing such cool stuff that it's easy to incorporate the gratitude practice throughout the day. which that's another thing that I like to bring home with me from this trip.


2. With traveling more, and being in different time zones, different schedules, and of course new places, what rituals are you practicing to ground yourself and be gentle with yourself?


Candice: I kind of answered this. The second question about that last one. So I think that with traveling in your schedules and being really flexible and everyday things are different. The rituals that I'm practicing now are like very pared down.


Like, I try to work out and move my body every day and sometimes that means like, jump roping, and I have the space energy etc or doing yoga if I really need to, like, just have a moment you know. Like, I try to work out and move my body every day and sometimes that means like, jump roping, and I have the space energy etc or doing yoga if I really need to, like, just have a moment you know.


One of the big rituals that is very consistent when I'm home or when I'm traveling is my meditation practice and my journaling practice. Journaling practice is actually a lot better when I'm traveling. I have so much to say and like so much to write down. So those are things that are really self aware. about when I need a long time to prioritize that.


Also, I forget about it, but it's vital to talk to my friends and family. Easy to be lonely when you're solo traveling and really kept up with keeping in contact. ANd that ritual is a new one for this trip.


3. Any extra wisdom or lessons you’ve learned this year that the listener would value?


Candice: The biggest piece of wisdom that I've learned in the last year or so from travel and habits and the 21 Day Challenge is your habits are a toolkit and they are meant to be flexible Here like the introspection to know which habits are going to help ground you or reset you what's going to be the best for you in the long term is case like having introspection but also being kind and courteous with yourself and you don't do all because you can't. And that’s fine. I think it’s about introspection and being kind and loving towards yourself, throughout your process.


It really sounds like Candice has come a long way with the loving kindness toward herself since we last worked together. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, and I am guilty of this also. 


It warms my heart to hear this transformation and wisdom from Candice, and sharing the stories of community members has been one of my favourite additions to the show! Some of the other episodes featuring clients are:


Episode 165: Exponential Growth Through Gratitude with Rubani

Episode 177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business with Steph

Episode 181: Giving Yourself Grace Through the Process of Creating New Self Care Practices with Suzanne

Episode 185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae

Episode 188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

One cool thing I discovered this year was that Spotify does a “wrapped” for podcast creators! And to my excitement, the podcast has grown SO MUCH this year with an 80% increase in subscribers, 61% increase in streams, 59% hours listened, and 42% more listeners of the show!

We’ve also received so many more wonderful reviews on Apple Podcasts, this one is from:

LindaOrsiniYoga

I have been loving the Women’s Empowerment podcast for several months now. Not only does Valerie have such a warm and welcoming voice, she also shares important information and tips that are relevant to life right now. I especially loved her podcast about the difference between a Habit and a Ritual. She has a great mixture of facts with applicable stories to help reinforce them. Thank you for all your hard work and for all the interesting guests on your show.
Linda O
— LindaOrsiniYoga

Thank you so much Linda, I am so glad you find value in the episodes!


[4] E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness ft. Junielle


[13:32] Our fourth most popular episode of 2022 is episode 164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Junielle Rosher


This episode aired almost a full year ago. It was SUCH a great topic to feature in the new year, and I’m glad the audience connected with it because it was a great conversation!


At the time, our guest Junielle, went by Elle, and even though I’ve updated the name of the title and in the thumbnail of the episode, we didn’t re-record the episode, so you’ll still hear us call her Elle. I know reclaiming her name was a really important part of her journey this year, let’s hear from Junielle how this evolution came to be and how it’s going for her now:


Junielle: It's been about two months since I have fully embraced my name Giniel again and because of that, I don't think that I have fully thought through and looks back to see just how much has changed and how much I have changed and just this evolution, because, you know, like your name is such a huge part of your identity.


In most cases, we're not changing our legal name. Aside from when, you know, we're getting married, and if that's a choice that you decide for me, so for the most part, the name that you were given at birth is the one that you keep. 


And what happens when you have such a love hate relationship with that name? Not because you don't like yourself, but because of how people interact with it.


For the longest time as a kid, I first grew up in a neighborhood where I looked different from everyone. There are probably one or two other black kids in the school and there'd be times where people would ask, you know, if we were related and so I was already looking different than the kids taller than the majority of the kids. And so I just like what a lot of kids want to do at this time. Just wanted to fit in.


Whenever there was, you know, like a substitute teacher that would come in.


You know, there just be those moments of them going through the list of names fairly quickly. And then coming to my more ethnic name and stumbling like crazy. Were like, there would be times where I knew that my name was coming up next, so I just said my name and just saved all of us that pain. But through that I really felt unheard. I felt I didn't feel seen. And so when I grew up, you know, went to University and graduated and then finally realized that I wanted to start my own business. I reinvented myself essentially, you know, like going to a new school where nobody knows you. Like, I liked meeting so many entrepreneurs. So I kind of did. Beyonce Sasha Fierce version of having an alter ego and took out, which had already been my social media name for a couple of years and ran with it. And through that I was able to temporarily step away from Junielle and just kind of had this blank canvas where I could create the person that I wanted to have a different persona without And so there were so many things I learned from really identifying and stepping into Elle.


For example, in people-pleasing was a huge thing for me, where I just found it so hard to speak up for myself and take up space, but with Elle and being an entrepreneur you had to do that in order for people to even know what it was that you did.


And so, through that I was able to work through a lot of that pain and just cultivate this new more confident version of myself. and for that I'm so grateful you know, I'm really happy that I did that.


Because of how it got me here to where I am right now where now that I've kind of had that distance from Junielle kind of like the distance makes the heart grow fonder idea where because I in the entrepreneurship space, I was Elle to reclaim Junielle was a huge thing for me because it's only really the people who know me, who knew me, just on a personal level, who would call me engineer, but to fully embody that in every single space that I was in was really really big for me because I, I think I finally understood that. Back then I didn't have the language and the tools to stand up for myself.


Like you know, in grade school, and high school and just like growing up in like my young adult life, whereas now, I was able to say, well, actually, this is how you say my name and I gave myself that permission to stand up for myself in that way and not be scared or defensive or worried that the way that I corrected someone or just the act of me correcting someone would be a bad thing where I would then have to comfort them.


You know, back then it was very reactionary and I kind of assumed that I kind of just had to deal with whatever was being given to me.


Whereas now it was me learning that I really needed to teach people how to treat me and how to do the very simple thing of saying my name whether it took me one time to teach them and they caught it on the first try. or after the 20th try.


They finally understood it, you know, it's actually to be honest with you, even family members still don't even spell my name right. they say it right but they don't spell it right. And I now have the courage to say well actually, this is how you spell it, you know regardless of how they react because I was so afraid of that beforehand.


being able to speak up and feeling like I couldn't tell people or teach people how to interact with me or how to communicate with me or how to speak with me, but rather that this started with me. And until I got whenever I felt confident in who I was - nothing else was going to change.


And so that is the story of how I started off this as Junielle went back to Elle in the entrepreneurship space, and came back to Junielle in all areas of my life.


I’m so grateful for this share because when I do this countdown and prepare for this episode in particular, I obviously check out the stats and see where the podcasts are landing, but I also relisten to each of the top 5 episodes.


And when I was listening to this episode with Junielle, and I kept hearing her repeat the points of confidence and loving yourself, and I had to emphasize that with her own story and journey, since she’s been able to step into her own power and confidence through reclaiming her name.


We’ve had 12 guests on the show this year and each and every one of them has brought so much passion and helpful information.

(click images below to go directly to these episodes!)

[3] E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish ft. Kaylie

[24:46] It makes me so happy to see not one but TWO of the client episodes in the top five this year, because I believe these stories and experiences from real-life people are so important in seeing the possibilities of lasting positive change in your own life too!


Which brings us to the 3rd most popular episode of 2022, episode 188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie


We had fun in this episode chatting about how we met at the Moon Course on a trip to Guatemala. One of many things Kaylie and I shared in common was our dislike of routine and structure, and yet here we were, working on creating supportive routines!


In our episode together, we talked about how when we prioritize ourselves it inspires others to do the same. So I wanted to ask Kaylie two questions as we head into the new year:


1. How are you reminding yourself to prioritize your own self care and needs over the holidays and into the new year?


Kaylie: So one thing that I've adopted recently to help prioritize myself actually came from you Val, was that they were seeing the habit is not going to the workout but putting on your shoes, something and so I translated that to my own habits, habits not doing skits. Unrolling my yoga mat, and I know as soon as it's unrolled, like I live in a small cabin there's no other places to walk other than, like, on the mat. So as soon as I unroll it. and so that has completely changed my perspective. This habit that I've had for a long time has brought the energy.


Another way that I'm prioritizing myself is making sure I get enough sleep. Tonight if I'm tired, there's no way I am going to be socializing. There's no way I'm going to be baking yummy cookies, or bring joy to whatever event I'm at, so I'm really making sure that I get enough sleep. Luckily, up here in Canada, the days are a lot shorter. And it's only three o'clock and I can tell that the sun's starting to set so that makes it a lot easier when the nights are so long. helps me sleep But that's yeah that's essential for getting.


The way I remind myself to keep up these good habits is I have a daily planner, and I write down When I have completed my yoga. And I also check back often to my sleep app on my phone and I keep track of how much sleep I'm getting.


So yeah, those are some of the ways I remind myself to prioritize my needs.

​​


2. In what ways has putting your own needs and routines first inspired others to do the same this year? (


Kaylie: So along with recording on your podcast Val, I also had the joy of recording on another friend's podcast and I know we spoke a lot about habits about putting ourselves first we spoke about loads of things, but I know that in that podcast I do talk about small, seemingly insignificant actions that can lead to bigger changes.


I know that that inspired my friend who was interviewing me, and also I’ve had a few other friends listen to another podcast is called


Heaven on Earth Podcast (episode with Kaylie) and yeah, so I like to think through my amazing friends podcasts, to inspire other people.


I’d also like to think that through amazing friend’s podcasts, I’ve inspired other people.


I also like to think that I’ve inspired people through example. So I do like to take that quiet time, and usually in the mornings I take time to stretch or meditate, and anyone who has spent time with me sees me doing that. Usually my boyfriend or my family or close friends. I’ve had friends see me do that and decide they will take that time today as well. My mom has started a practice of her own, and whether that’s through me or not, I’m not sure, but I like to think that I’ve inspired through example. 


3. Any extra wisdom or lessons you’ve learned this year that the listener would value?


Kaylie: One thing I really learned this year was balance in lifestyle. And that's kind of a constantly evolving lesson. Balance is never stationary and what can be a good healthy balance for one month doesn't necessarily need a good healthy balance for the next month. And so with plenty of changing things in my life, I moved, I started up my work that I had pre [pandemic] which was working for myself. I went through multiple big lifestyle changes. ​​And so I was really adjusting what balance meant for myself.


It felt like every month there was a new challenge for a new balance to find, and maybe I didn't quite have as much peace as I was hoping in the summer months. So even if I felt like I wasn't getting the rest, I crave June, saying I feel like I'm getting it now. So in a way, even month to month I wasn't necessarily at a balance I wanted for the whole year, my energy out versus energy in has found a quite healthy place and you know I'm gonna keep, keep working on it and prioritizing. Keep these healthy habits, whatever a healthy balance is for me at that time.



I love seeing how the habits and routines our community has implemented evolve over the year and with the changing of the seasons. It’s perfect for maintaining healthy lifestyle practices, while keeping things fresh and flowing in our lives.


[32:40] TIME CAPSULE 21 QUESTIONS!

One of the traditions of this show is really similar. It’s our 21 questions! The questions are pretty much the same every year, but the answers are always evolving.


I’ll share all the questions with you because I’d love for you to do them every year too. Once you answer them, look back on last year’s answers and you can reminisce on where you were at, or celebrate how far you’ve come. It’s pretty fun to see the growth and transformation in your life with these questions.


What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

😴 “YES! I can sleep in a little while longer today!”

What's the first thing on your to do list?

💻 Teach virtual pilates, and send invoices

What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

🛀 A relaxing Epsom salt bath

What song are you loving right now?

🎶 W.I.T.C.H. by Devon Cole

What's your favourite essential oil?

💙 can’t get enough peppermint beadles lately

When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, four years later?

🎙 What’s cool is that this year I rewatched Episode 01 of the show, and my intentions at the beginning were to reach more people, and this year the podcast is surpassing 93 000 unique downloads (completely organic growth). I’m excited to say that I’ve surpassed so many goals, and even more excited to raise the bar!

What's the best advice you received this year?

starsAsk yourself yes/no questions instead of this/that and tap into your gut response to make decisions and move forward.

What's the biggest lesson you learned? 

💕 I’m stronger than I think. I am my greatest obstacle. I can do hard things with deep breaths.

Where do you get your show and business ideas from?

🌈 This year I tapped into creative through travel and taking time off and resting. I also had great feedback from listeners for ideas, which brought out more ideas for me to work with.

When is the best time for your creative process?

🪐 Whenever I allow it to happen and stop trying to force it to happen.

Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring? 

🖤 WEDNESDAY ADDAMS! Obsessed with the new Netflix show and my friend and I are dressing up as her to take photos with Santa ahahah

Tell us about your current routines… 

🌄 Morning: wake up, make bed, green juice, mushroom tinctures, collagen, breakfast (lately oatmeal + berries), Achieve Planner to map out the day.

🌠 Evening: Duolingo, (sometimes reading), phone on airplane mode, gratitude, write out tomorrow’s tasks.

What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage? 

✈️ I just got back from Squamish, BC, Canada and I am so glad I packed Flight Fud, electrolytes, lip chap.

What was the last thing that made you cry? 

🌺 Craig and I were watching Acapulco on Apple TV+ and the season 2 finale was emotional (happy-sad) so I was tearing up.

What do you want to be remembered for? 

🌟 For making someone believe in them-self enough for them to achieve something meaningful in their life.

What's the best gift you've given that doesn't cost money?

🎁 A really genuine hug that made me feel safe and seen.

What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

🥟 Making pierogis with my Babcia and family for Christmas

What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

✌️ Take really deep breaths and space to be alone

Favourite quote + why?

💗 “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” - James Clear

This quote really shifted things for me this year, even though I had heard it before. It helped me reshape my goals and get back on track with more meaningful actions.

Biggest highlight of 2022?

💫 Launching my very first 21 day challenge (and the 2 more that followed); Meeting one of my business besties: Chantelle IRL at a really fun retreat for Creative Entrepreneurs; Investing in myself and in my business by hiring my coach; Going on a solo road trip for the very first time to visit my family in the USA; Creating boundaries in my life and business and seeing growth through this confidence; Connecting deeper in my relationship with Craig; Hitting 90k downloads in the Women’s Empowerment Podcast; Visiting my sister in Squamish and spending time with her. So many highlights!

What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

💁‍♀️ Valerie. you’ve fallen seven times, and got up eight. I hope you are celebrating the magic that you are and can shine brightly for the world to see. No more hiding, no more wishing, time for recognition and receiving.

[2] E167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply ft. Blaire

[35:12] The second most popular episode of 2022 is episode 167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply with Blaire Caplan


This episode is moving, inspirational, and speaks so boldly about the importance, power, and practices surrounding self love.


At the time of this podcast recording Blaire was sharing that she had surpassed over 700 days of the Miracle Morning routine featured in Hal Elrod’s book! I’m curious to know if Blaire is still working on this routine, or what her morning routine looks like today!


1. Are you still practicing the Miracle Morning Routine? If not, what does your morning routine look like now?


Blaire: Yes, I am still practicing the miracle morning routine and turned into a sort of ritual for myself. I'm not doing a full hour meditation and you know full two hour routine anymore. I'm sitting pretty at like 1520 minutes a day. but I'm still doing it. it is day 1062 Actually, which is wild to say out loud, but it's something I'm pretty proud of. So yeah, still meditating, affirming myself, visualizing my day doing my yoga is my exercise, reading and writing, still doing the whole routine.


Blaire shares so many incredible one-liners and affirmations in this episode that I suggested she create an affirmation card deck, for people to pull, and she replied “It’s on my future projects list for 2022”


2. What future projects or goals have you achieved this year? Were they on your goals list, or did they manifest as more of a pleasant surprise this year?


Blarie: Yes, the affirmation deck is in the works, it is actually entirely drafted and then we've got intentions of having it go to print for 2023. So that is super exciting. I'm very excited to just share words of love with the world because God knows we need it! 


Some other goals that I reached that weren't necessarily goals at first, I actually am now a level three Reiki practitioner and I am in two trainings, one to become a Reiki Master and one to become a Shaman.


It seems very fitting at this point but I never thought that I would be taking that route so very pleasantly surprised and I am just so excited to bring such deep healing to the world.


Lastly, Blaire has such epic wisdom. I wanted to ask her about self-love during the holidays and as we do our future dreaming for 2023:


3. What words of wisdom can you share for the listener during the ups and downs of the holiday season? As well as some self-love tips or practices for creating their goals or dreams for the new year?


Blaire: Some words of wisdom for the ups and downs: let it be what it needs to be. You know, there's a lot of wisdom in the downs and there's a lot of fun in the up so you'll either be having fun or learning a lot. Either way, it's good, you know, it's good if you let yourself see it that way.


​​I also think it would be a good idea to get into the practice of reflection, you know, at the end of the day or at the end of interaction or experience or event, you know, you can just ask yourself like what went right? What went right today? And asking yourself that question, I think, really opens up a new perspective.


For creating I like that you say goals and dreams. I'm not a fan of resolutions. Everything is exactly as it needs to be. Nothing is wrong. There's nothing to resolve. But I am a big fan of setting intentions for ourselves and you know, tangible actions and steps and plans and intentions are wonderful.


But lately, I've just started to focus more on what feels good instead of what sounds right. So, I guess my tip would be to ask yourself, what makes you feel good? What makes you laugh? What makes you smile? What brings your inner child out, and then set an intention to do more of those things in the new year.


You know I think true success is radical joy. What's the point of going through all the hardship if we can have a little bit of fun too.



I love hearing about how the year goes for the Women’s Empowerment guests and community! Especially with these episodes from the beginning of the year, with the time that has passed there’s bound to be changes. 


Even in my own business things have evolved over the last year. I’ve really shifted into simplifying my offers and systems. One of the ways I’ve done this is with a new valuable free offer for the community to help you create your new habits and rituals.

It’s called Build Better Habits and it’s your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.

You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you!


Grab your copy at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits

[1] E168: Building Trust with Yourself

[41:00] You’ve made it to the number one episode of 2022! With over 875 downloads, this is actually the number one episode of all time (so far)! The most popular episode of 2022 is episode 168 Building Trust with Yourself, featuring yours truly!


I was a little bit surprised that this was the most downloaded episode because it’s very different from any other show on the podcast. This was actually a recording I did with Coach Kasia Bradford for her From Timid to Confident Summit. She reached out to me around this time last year I believe to be a part of her summit, and I was thrilled to be included.


After we recorded, and after the launch of the summit, Kaisa sent me the recording and I used it for this episode. What’s fun about this particular conversation is that I am the guest and I share a pretty detailed version of my journey which was really exciting for me. 


So Kaisa, thank you so much for including me in your summit, and for being part of this holiday party/countdown!


If there’s one thing we can take away from my own story and journey, I hope it’s that: we need to listen to our internal compass, our gut instincts, and take big leaps! There is so much joy, adventure, and abundance waiting for us when we accept the call to it!

Share your favourite episodes with me on instagram @vallavignelife!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

E212: Tiny Habits, Remarkable Results (Book Report: Atomic Habits by James Clear)
 
 

E212: Tiny Habits, Remarkable Results (Book Report: Atomic Habits by James Clear)

When we see massive success, it’s easy to think that these results came from massive action. We feel pressure to make earth-shattering changes and improvements in our lives so that we can reach big goals. 

However by making tiny changes, we can make more meaningful, remarkable results. This is the power of atomic habits…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:54] About a year ago I read the very famous book Atomic Habits by James Clear. When people hear that I am a Health Coach who specializes in Healthy Habits, most of them bring up this book. And what a success Atomic Habits is! Over 9 million copies sold WOW! If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. Get your copy here!

I decided to re-read the book again for the purpose of sharing with you on the podcast how I use this book with my own clients, members, and offerings. This is also a great episode for you if you’re interested in the book but not ready to read it yet. I’ll be sharing a lot of the key points, and useful takeaways with you today. It’s kind of like a little book report!

Other Book Report Style Episodes:

Episode 199: Create LIMITLESS Habits (LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik)


Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)


Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin


There are a lot of reasons why I enjoy and recommend Atomic Habits:

  • James Clear does an excellent job at organizing, outlining, and explaining useful concepts to create habits that stick.

  • The book has lots of evidence-based self-improvement strategies, memorable stories, and helpful figures, images, and charts.

  • It’s also very engaging, motivating, and actionable. And if you know me, you know I’m all about taking action!


I’d love to spend our time together today discussing the whole book and going through each chapter with you, but this is not a book summary, this is a podcast episode. And with each of my episodes I have a goal to inspire you to take action after listening.

[03:00] The Habit Loop

So for today, I’ve decided to share with you Clear’s Four Laws of Behaviour Change. These four laws make a framework that is based off of the four stages of a habit, also known as The Habit Loop.


“The four stages of a habit are best described as a feedback loop. They form an endless cycle that is running every moment you are alive. This “habit loop” is continually scanning the environment, predicting what will happen next, trying different responses, and learning from the results.” (p.50)


The four stages of the habit loop are: 

1. Cue

2. Craving

3. Response

4. Reward


“The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behaviour.” (p.48) Our brains are continuously analyzing our environment, noticing where we can find rewards.


“Cravings are the second step, and they are the motivational force behind every habit.” (p.48) We need some level of desire or motivation for us to act. All of our cravings are linked to a desire to change our internal state, the craving is not the habit. We crave the result of doing the habit. Every person is motivated by different cravings because we have different desires. 


“The third step is the response. The response is the actual habit that you perform, which can take the form of a thought or an action.” (p.48) The action of the habit can only happen when we have two things: enough motivation and the ability to do it. If there is more physical or mental effort involved in completing the action than we are willing to do, it won’t get done. And if we aren’t physically or mentally capable of completing the action… it also won’t happen.


“Finally, the response delivers a reward. Rewards are the end goal of every habit.” (p.49) The previous three stages are getting us to our reward: “The cue is about noticing the reward. The craving is about wanting the reward. The response is about obtaining the reward.” (p.49)


We chase rewards again and again because they satisfy our desire/craving, and also because they teach us which of our actions are worth remembering in the future for when we want this reward again.


Our behaviours are all driven by the motivation to solve a problem. Some examples:

  • We want to achieve a goal to feel good (moving toward something)

  • We want to relieve our pain (moving away from something)


In my Make a Habit Mentorship, I work with clients 1:1 to create personalized action plans for their new habits, routines, and rituals. The very first part of the framework I’ve developed is called Trigger. In this beginning phase we are outlining the different cues, aka triggers that lead us to our transformation aka reward.


Between these two parts of my framework are three other steps that can be used in any order, they are: tools, track, tweak. These three parts of the framework are similar to stage 2 and 3 of the habit loop: craving and response. 


As mentioned before, this habit loop is the basis of Clear’s Four Laws of Behaviour Change to help create good habits and eliminate bad ones.

[06:26] The Four Laws of Behaviour Change

The Four Laws of Behaviour Change help us create a good habit are:

The 1st Law: Make it Obvious (cue)

The 2nd Law: Make it Attractive (craving)

The 3rd Law: Make it Easy (response)

The 4th Law: Make it Satisfying (reward)


You can also invert the four laws to break a bad habit:

Inversion of the 1st Law: Make it invisible

Inversion of the 2nd Law: Make it unattractive

Inversion of the 3rd Law: Make it difficult

Inversion of the 4th Law: Make it unsatisfying

[07:05] The 1st Law: Make it Obvious

Let’s take a closer look at the first law of behaviour change: Make it Obvious. This law is all about our first stage of the Habit Loop: the cue.


What makes our habits so useful is that we don’t even need to be aware of the cue for our habit to start. We can notice an opportunity and take action without making any conscious effort or attention to it. It’s automatic. 


To support us in building better habits, we can use the two common cues that trigger our habit: time and location.


Do this with the Implementation Intention Formula: I will [BEHAVIOUR] at [TIME] and [LOCATION]. (p.71)


This formula asks us to be more specific with our new behaviour. For example, instead of us saying we want to do more pilates, we use the formula and our new routine is: I will take a pilates class at 8:00AM on Mondays at Exhale Pilates. 


In our first call of the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching, we clearly outline and use this formula so that right after we have our first call you are prepared to take action at a specific time and location.


Another helpful strategy is to stack our habits. We’ve talked about this before on the show, most recently in Episode 193 with Jessica Stevens. 


Episode 193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jess Stevens


Stacking habits means we pair a new habit with a current habit. The Stacking Formula is: After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT]. For example, after I put on my pajamas, I will meditate.


You can reflect on your own daily behaviours, actions, and routines and notice your own cues with your current habits. Where can you stack new habits with your current behaviours?


When you’re creating a new habit, consider how you can make the cue more obvious within your environment. 


Using our examples:

Can you place your vitamins in your bathroom next to shower?

Can you set a timer on our phone to pre-book your pilates classes?

Can you keep your meditation pillow beside your bed or where you keep your pajamas? 


When we create the right small changes, these begin to lead to large changes in our behaviour over time. You can elevate your habits to be associated not with a single trigger but with the entire context surrounding your behaviour so that the context becomes the cue.


For example, if you want to eat more veggies, take them out of the drawers/crispers in your fridge and bring them to the doors and shelves instead. Keep the junk food and sauces in the drawers instead. This way, every time you open your fridge you’ll see the fruit and veg right in front of you and you’ll be more likely to eat them than if they were hidden away rotting in the drawers.


In what ways can you adjust your environment to better support your goals and new habits? What distractions can you hide away, what supportive tools can you keep in the forefront or more obvious locations?

[10:44 ] Inversion of the 1st Law: Make it invisible 

Right before halloween we bought a box of some of my fave chocolates: mars, twix, m&ms, the best. I said to Craig, “don’t open this box until Halloween. Because if it’s open I’m going to eat these, but if it’s not I won’t open them!”


Sure enough, he opened the box before Halloween and I started eating them. Nearly all of them. They were gone before Halloween night so we had to get more chocolates!


Being the Healthy Habit Coach that I am, I knew better than to keep the box in the kitchen. If we want to break a bad habit, we can invert the 1st law and make our bad habit invisible.


It’s a lot easier to avoid temptation than resist it. We can put the box of chocolates in our basement pantry on the high shelf behind the storage boxes where it’s totally out of sight, out of mind until we need them on Halloween. 


I also have a group coaching service and I love talking about what obstacles we could foresee when we’re trying to swap habits in the Healthy Habit Membership with the community because we often share insights and ideas that other people in the group might not have thought of right away. 


All these light bulbs go off in the group and we’re able to address obstacles before they happen with helpful solutions. 


There are a lot of us who think we have the self-control we need to break bad habits, but it will only take us so far. We need to focus on long-term strategies like avoiding temptation, and reducing exposure to cues that lead to bad habits.


When I didn’t buy clothes for a year, I avoided the mall, at all costs. I also unsubscribed from emails from clothing stores, I unfollowed fashion blogs, accounts, and stylists. And I read more articles about sustainability, fast-fashion, and minimalism.


It worked because I truly didn’t buy clothes for a year!

Episode 61: I Didn’t Buy Clothes for a Year

[13:16] The 2nd Law: Make it Attractive

Clear’s 2nd Law of Behaviour Change is Make it Attractive. This is all about our cravings, because “the more attractive an opportunity is, the more likely it is to become habit-forming.” (p.111)


The craving is the anticipation of the reward. If you’re having trouble stacking your habits with the habit you currently do, and adding in the next habit, try the habit stacking + temptation building formula:

  1. After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [HABIT I NEED].

  2. After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].

I used this when I was trying to drink more water in the mornings. After I come downstairs from sleeping, I will drink 1 cup of water (need). After I drink one cup of water, I will do my coffee ritual (want).


Actually I think that’s how my entire morning ritual started, and to be honest, I don’t even drink that much coffee anymore, less than a cup a day! It used to be my reward, and now - this is going to sound so cheesy - my new morning routine is the reward itself for me. I love how it makes me feel, and it’s also pretty productive. 


But enough about me, let me tell you how we use this in the Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge! Once a season I run a 21 day challenge open to anyone who wants to join. We just started it this year, and we’ve had over 100 women take this challenge!

www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 


The very first day of the challenge, participants are prompted to choose a feeling word. And while in a way this could be seen as the reward, the goal of choosing a feeling word is so that we create cues and cravings that bring us closer to this word in the event that we cannot complete our actual habit that we set out, how can we at least connect to this feeling word?


This allows us to identify multiple routes to getting to our desire and so our positive actions and behaviours become more attractive to us.


Also, since the challenge is run live and we’re all doing it at the same time, I use my close friends list in instagram stories to share the stories, experiences, and trackers of the other challengers to encourage and empower the community during the 21 days.


Clear talks about how the role of family and friends shape our habits, and “one of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where (1) your desired behaviour is the normal behaviour and (2) you already have something in common with the group.”


I believe that this is another reason why the Elevate Your Life challenge is so successful, because our group comes together ready to Elevate their routines, and we share that, it’s pretty amazing. 


Our next challenge is coming up, you can join the challenge, or the waitlist for our next challenge at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 


Think of some of your current behaviours and how they might have been influenced by a group. Were you seeking approval, respect or praise? This is a common form of attraction and creates cravings for habits from the crowds we’re in.

[17:44] Inversion of the 2nd Law: Make it Unattractive

To help eliminate or break a bad habit we can invert the 2nd law of behaviour and make it unattractive. 


The habits and behaviours we have now are modern-day solutions to our body’s ancient desires. Some of these ancient desires are: (p.127)

  • “To conserve energy

  • Obtain food and water

  • Find love and reproduce 

  • Connect and bond with others

  • Win social acceptance and approval

  • Reduce uncertainty

  • Achieve status and prestige”


These ancient desires can also be called deeper underlying motives. We crave a surface level manifestation of this deeper motive.


Netflix and chill = conserving energy

Swiping on Tinder = Finding love and reproduce

Posting on instagram for likes = win social acceptance and approval


If we want to break our bad habits, we can ask ourselves, “how can I make this habit unattractive?” One of the ways we can do this is by associating our bad habit with a negative feeling. And the same works for when we create a new habit, we can associate it with a positive feeling.


When I’m working with clients 1:1 in the Make a Habit Mentorship Program, I listen when my client says something along the lines of, “I should be doing this habit,” or “I have to do that.” There's a subtle difference between: “should” and “have” to “I want” and “I get to.”


Usually “I should” and “have to” have an underlying negative feeling. Guilt, shame, frustration, and discomfort are a few feelings that come to mind.


And “I want to” and “I get to” are typically connected to positive feelings. Such as: excitement, anticipation, gratitude, and appreciation.


When we unpack the meaningfulness of the habit the client is coming to me with, we might discover that this habit is actually irrelevant to the client and they only thought they needed to do it because of social or family pressure.


Going deep into these layers often requires an outside perspective, or coach’s skillset because we really understand the neuro-linguistic programming of habitual behaviours and language. 


This unbiased opinion and professional perspective can get to the root of the behaviour more directly, and this way the client can focus on more useful and productive actions to rewire the neural pathways.


If you’re having trouble making your new habit more attractive, it can help to create a “Motivation Ritual.” This means doing something you enjoy immediately before a difficult habit. The motivation ritual can be the simplest mindset shift of swapping “I have to” with “I get to.” Try this out today!

To help you create your new habits and rituals, I have a free guide just for you! It’s called Build Better Habits and it’s your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.


You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you!
Grab your copy at www.valerielavignelife.com/habits

[21:08] The 3rd Law: Make it Easy

Our third law of behaviour changes is Make it Easy. This feels like one of the most obvious ways to build a new habit, and yet people don’t do it. Why?! You may ask… well because they think “what’s the point!?”


I was working with a client recently on a habit she wanted to build: reading daily. Her style is all or nothing; go big or go home. 


Unfortunately weeks were going by and no books were read, no pages were turned. If she couldn’t sit down and sit still for an hour a day to read, she wasn’t going to read.


In her frustration, she booked a call with me. I suggested creating a micro habit to make the habit easier.


“What’s the point of two pages a day?!” She asked. 


I said, “The point is practice. The point is action. The point is you’re actually moving the needle – or in this case the bookmark forward. 


In 30 days you could have read 60 pages of a book, possibly more! But instead we’re x number of days into the month and you’ve read 0.”


Here’s the deal, the most effective form of learning is practice, not planning… so even if you’re only reading two pages of a book a day, the point is you’re reading the book. And sometimes you’re settled into reading that you continue to read more than two pages. 


Sometimes we do certain things and make certain moves and we think we’re supporting our habits but we’re really just in motion. 


For example, we buy a stack of personal development books, or add them to our cart. This is motion. We want to focus on taking action instead. Action is reading the book. 


Consider what habits, routines, or rituals you want to create. Are there behaviours or moves you're making that have you in motion? Or are you taking small actions to get there?


When behviours are new for us, they are not automatic right away. But with repetition, they become more automatic. The more we repeat them, the more automatic they become. 


Going back to our reading example:  it doesn’t really matter how long you read for today, what matters is that you continue to read again and again.


I was invited to speak about Healthy Habits for Actors, and the video is now available on YouTube 


In this workshop – which really is wonderful for actors, creators, performers, and really anyone truly trying to change their bad habits and make better ones – I speak more to the motion vs action. If this is one of your stuckspots, I encourage you to check out this workshop and make some notes… but more importantly take action!


In my own experience through building the Healthy Habit Membership I’ve learned a lot about myself and also our members.


When we started the membership there were more call times. We had 2-3 coaching calls per month and as the months went on fewer people were attending the live calls. 


The membership has evolved into one coaching call per month with a workshop/theme for the month of mindset or helpful tools to support any habit and not just a specific type of habit or area of wellness. 


The skills I teach are transferable, like in Atomic Habits, and in this podcast episode.


Now in the Healthy Habit Membership, the members have direct access to me one day a week where they can connect with me through text, voice note, photos, and video on Voxer. This weekly support helps the members in the moment. It allows them to ask questions that pop up after our coaching sessions and lessons in real-time and has been one of the best changes we’ve made in the membership so far.


These adjustments in the membership made behaviour changes easier, and focused on action verses showing up to calls, which emphasized the motion.

[25:35] Inversion of the 3rd Law: Make it Difficult

Just like the other laws, we can invert the third law to break a bad habit. The inversion of the third law is Make it difficult.

Snack and candy companies spend millions of dollars (probably more) a year on researching all of the ways to get consumers to buy and eat more of their products.


From the attractive and bright packaging to lure you in, to the way you have to reach into opaque bags so you don’t realize how much you’re eating at the moment, to the addictive ingredients in the products. 


They know that if they want you to buy, and eat, and buy more, they’ve got to make it really easy! (As well as attractive and satisfying, etc.)


You can imagine that trying to break bad habits can feel really difficult because sometimes it is. So let’s look at the ways we can make the bad habit difficult, easier for us.


Typically replacing a good habit with a bad habit is a lot easier than breaking a habit all together. We want to replace the behaviour with something new.


Instead of buying junk food on your next grocery visit, you can add healthy snack alternatives to your list and shop around the aisles avoiding the junk all together. (Bonus tip: go grocery shopping when you’re already full!)


Personally, if it’s not already in the house, I’m not interested in going out to get it. But if it’s in the house… well will power isn’t going to cut it when the craving hits.


The best way to lock in a new habit is to automate it.


For example if you want to start saving more money, you can set up an autopay or auto transfer into a savings account. This is perfect because it only requires your action one time, and then it keeps working for you in the background. 


Another one time choice example is investing in a better quality mattress for better sleep. This automates your future habits and delivers increasing returns over time (p.176)


There are a lot of different tools that can help us automatically track our habits which are also really helpful.


For example, my OURA Ring tracks an abundance of things and tells me about my daily readiness, sleep, and activity scores.


Your phone, Apple Watch, Fitbit, and OURA ring will also track your steps. The bluetooth water bottle I have tracks how much water I drink every day. Meditation apps, language learning apps, I mean… you probably can open your phone right now and I’m certain a handful of the apps that are tracking your progress in some way.


If there are apps you’re already using, or one time choices you’ve made to support you with your new positive habits, I’d love to hear about them! Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife

[28:38] The 4th Law: Make it Satisfying

Alright friends, we’ve reached the final law of James Clear’s 4 Laws of Behaviour Change. The fourth law is Make it Satisfying.


This relates to the reward of the habit loop. The reward is what we crave! One of the key points in this chapter is that “we are more likely to repeat a behaviour when the experience is satisfying.” (p.193)


Makes a lot of sense doesn’t it! 


“The human brain has evolved to prioritize immediate rewards over delayed rewards.” (p.193) This information is very important and useful to building our new habits because it reminds us to create the simplest path toward our habit goal. 


Questions that come to mind for me are:

What is the most direct path to satisfaction? 

What are ways I currently feel satisfied with habits I’m already proud of?

How can I experience satisfaction quicker in an effort to get me closer to the bigger goal?


Clear also states “The Cardinal Rule of Behaviour Change [is]: What is immediately rewarded is repeated. What is immediately punished is avoided. To get a habit to stick, you need to feel immediately successful – even if it’s in a small way.”


Understanding the ways in which you feel satisfied, rewarded, and successful will help you create lasting change. Use the methods that are already working for you to get you to where you want to be. 


We all have different cravings, different goals, different rewards. Knowing your own can make all the difference in your journey!


When we use the first three laws of behaviour change – make it obvious, make it attractive, and make it easy – we actually increase the odds that the behaviour will be performed at that moment. The fourth law – make it satisfying – increases our odds that we’ll repeat the habit.


And remember what makes a new behaviour a habit? Repetition!


As we go through this together it might feel repetitive, or obvious. I get it. You might be thinking “duh Val we know these things about habit forming, we listen to your podcast.” 


Cool! I’m so grateful that you’re listening AND paying attention. And honestly these reminders are important. YES! Creating new habits is simple. But they’re much easier to not do.


Lots of our bad habits are satisfying. That’s why we do them all the time; again and again. 


And I’m not saying that to make us feel guilty about it. It’s the facts. Now we have to choose what we want now for what we want most. 


Do we want to keep smoking? Binge eating? Procrastinating? Being lazy? Continuing with the negative self-talk? Etc. etc. 


I guess that’s for each one of us to answer on our own. 


One of the ways we can make our new habits satisfying is to track and measure our progress. Knowing that we’re achieving or accomplishing something, knowing that we’re making progress is one of the most satisfying feelings.


Super easy and super simple: use a habit tracker to measure your progress. Also easy, mark an X or a checkmark on a calendar and watch how your progress grows. These visual forms of measurement are great forms of evidence and super satisfying.


In the Elevate Your Life Healthy Habit Challenge, everyone is provided with a 21 day tracker that they can easily share to their instagram stories or reels. Some use the tracker, and some create stories of their progress with little videos of themselves doing the actual habit.


Another powerful part of the 21 days challenge is that, because of the energy of the group, we’re committed to getting back on track. Even if we miss a day. In Atomic Habits, Clear recommends never missing two days in a row, and if you miss one, get back on track as quickly as possible!

[32:42] Inversion of the 4th Law: Make it Unsatisfying

The inversion of the fourth law is Make it Unsatisfying. 


“We are less likely to repeat a habit if it is painful or unsatisfying.” (p.210) SImilar to our desires, what we find painful or unsatisfying will be different for each of us.


For example, when I was growing up my grandparents lived with us and helped take care of my siblings and I when our parents were at work. Since I was a baby my grandfather was really sick. I remember he used an oxygen tank 24/7 to help him with his breathing. The ambulance came to our house sometimes and would take my grandpa to the hospital and year after year the doctors would say “this might be your last chance to see your grandfather.”


For ten years (maybe more) he was in and out of the hospital. And even though we were grateful that he came home each time, his quality of life was low. He needed lots of support from machines, medication, my grandmother and my dad. When we were little and would ask our parents – and my grandpa – “Why is he so sick?” they replied with, “Because he smoked cigarettes his whole life.”


Seeing this challenging quality of life for my grandfather made the habit of smoking so unsatisfying for me – and that’s the polite term I’m going to use for it. 


As I got older, people I met who smoked asked me why I didn’t like it so much and I told them, “My grandfather died of lung cancer from smoking.” Sometimes they would reply with some story about someone they knew who was old and a smoker and “fine.” But I didn’t care. Just like they didn’t care that they were poisoning themselves with cigarettes.


My now partner used to smoke before we met and quit about a year before our first date. What he used to do every single day he now finds repulsive.


I asked him one of the things that helped him, and he said a big one was not going outside with other people who smoked. Having people in your life who hold you accountable can be really helpful toward changing and transforming your habits.


With the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program I offer, this is one of the biggest impacts for the client. Knowing that in 1-2 weeks we’re going to have another conversation, or knowing that tomorrow I’ll be popping in on Voxer to hold them accountable and ask them how it’s going for them.


How can you make your bad habits unsatisfying?

Who can you reach out to to hold you accountable?

Could you post on your social media that you’re making a change so that more people see and ask you about your progress?


One of the members of the Healthy Habit Membership shared a blog post series about her morning routine and the changes and updates through her progress. It’s helpful for yourself to journal through the transition, and also helpful for others to read, perhaps as they begin or continue with their own personal growth journey.

[36:03] Speaking of personal growth. I would love to invite you to grab the free Build Better Habits Guide – I shared it earlier in the show and I wanted to talk about it one more time. 


You can download it to your device and fill in the workbook directly on your device, no printer needed! It’s the PERFECT starting point for your habit journey.

If you’re looking to work with me deeper, the challenge, the membership, the 1:1 coaching are all incredible options depending on where you’re at. If you’re not sure… you can contact me and we can have a chat to see what the best fit is for you!


Connect with me through www.valerielavignelife.com/contact !


Dear friend, thank you so much for spending this time with me today. Next week’s episode is our last of the year, and it’s our Holiday Party/Best of 2022!


Join me in a countdown episode of the best episodes of the year!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E210: Building Trust with Your Body and Self
 
 

E210: Building Trust with Your Body and Self with Paula Jeffery

Paula is a homeopath and hypnotherapist, with a special interest in human design (2/4 Sacral MG!). Her work is rooted in remembering that healing is first and foremost a journey back to self and, with the powerful support of Homeopathy, she helps women heal from chronic mental, emotional, and physical dis-ease…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[01:01] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to bring you a new and special guest to the show. Welcome, Paula. 


Paula Jeffery: Hello. I'm so happy to be here. 


VL: It's so great to have you and I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner. but here we are together. So why don't we just dive into things? Why don't you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?


PJ: For sure I'm Paula Jeffrey. I'm based in Winnipeg, Manitoba in Canada, but I am a virtual person. so I serve people all over the world, which has been my favorite thing to come out of the last few years when switching the virtual.


But I'm a homeopath. I also have training in hypnotherapy and in human design, so I kind of dabble and find different things that sort of align with my general philosophy of helping people heal their chronic illness by reconnecting with themselves and with their body and with their energy and with the parts of them that have been trying to express through their lifetime and have been forced to be silent or been shut down or been told they're not enough and things like that. So I work primarily with homeopathy. Homeopathy is a branch of natural medicine that uses homeopathic remedies. Which are potentized versions of basically anything plants, minerals, animals, substances, energies, it's an energetic medicine that basically helps shift your body's energetic state so that your body remembers how to heal itself. So I really like it because it's really natural. it's really all about empowering your inner vitality and reminding your body how to heal instead of forcing it to do these things which so much of our medicine is focused on. So it's really about allowing and empowering and supporting and guiding so that's kind of my MO in my whole philosophy and homeopathy really embodies that so yeah.


VL: That is so cool. And to be honest, I don't know much about it. So I'm really excited to chat with you today and learn as much as I can because as a line one in HD, I like to discover all those kinds of new things and get to all those little details. So thanks so much for sharing about that. I guess my first question for you is really about how we get to build this relationship with ourselves so that we can understand and let me preface by saying, when I also work with my health coaching clients, or even in the Pilates studio when I'm teaching people whether I'd be one on one or in groups, I noticed that we are so disconnected from our own bodies. I'll ask someone how's your body feeling today? They just kind of look at me blankly or they'll shrug and say usual. And, you know, it's like, I'm not asking you just for the sake of asking. I genuinely want to know how your body is. and they just don't have the answer. or maybe they don't have the answer in that moment. but how can we? how can we understand our bodies? Where do we start with this relationship?


[04:35] PJ: That's a really good question. And probably like the million dollar question for people.


I find one thing that I really love about homeopathy is, there's not really the end goal isn't really to figure out what's wrong with your body and why it's wrong. The perspective in homeopathy is really that you have a core energy that we call the vital force, which, you know, in yoga, they have a term for it and TCM they have a term for like every, you know, there's lots of different ways to talk about this energy and in homeopathy, it's the vital force.


And the idea is that the vital force communicates to us through symptoms through feelings through expressions. So it's not really about why do I have the skin rash or Where's it coming from or what imbalances that are caused by? It's really just oh, there is a skin rash and I'm noticing it and I know that my body is talking to me through that rash. So there's more of a kind of unprejudiced observer and unbiased observation of what is happening in your body and I find that that's a really good place to start, especially for folks who are coming from a very I mean, the culture that we live in where it's very much what's wrong with my body, how do I fix it? And stepping away from that into a more holistic perspective of what is in my body? What am I noticing? What do I feel right now? What do I see right now? Can be kind of that first step towards being that unprejudiced observer where we're not really looking to figure out a cause or a problem or solution. we're just looking for the sake of looking just to be witnessed just to tell our body like I see you, I hear you.


And I think that one way to kind of start playing with that is to get back to those basics of your bodily functions. So it might be really hard for people to all of a sudden tune in and be like, how is my body feeling today and name all these symptoms or feelings or experiences? Because that can be kind of overwhelming.


But to get back to the basics of, oh, I'm hungry. I'm gonna feed myself or oh, I have to pee. I'm gonna pee. And just like noticing those very basic body functions, which sounds so silly, but most people have shut off their awareness to those things in some capacity. So I feel like that's a really good place to start in terms of noticing your body and building relationships with it. because it happens all day every day.


[07:05] VL: It’s so true.


Yeah, you know what, now that you've mentioned it, I do. So I'm just trying to think of my own practice because I'll use myself as an example, I guess. When I lead guided meditations or yoga classes, and we're in that part of the class, the shavasana, or we're in the meditation where we're like, calming down and getting into the space.


I will lead the group in and I will practice this on my own. It's like being the observer, the non judgmental observer, and just noticing in that moment, so, you know, sometimes for me, it's like the simplest thing of like, I just noticed how I'm breathing. Right, like, Does my body need a deeper breath? Am I sitting in a funny way where I felt constricted or, or done a search and noticed? Yeah, I feel a little pain in my shoulder or, Oh, my hand feels a little bit ticklish or whatever those really subtle things are on notice just like how the breath goes in through my nostrils and like there's like this subtle tickling my nostrils, right. And I feel like I do that in these moments of mindfulness and awareness where I have the intention that this is the focus right now is I'm going to focus on my body. And I think building that as a habit has really helped me to be aware of things like, oh, I have to pee right now and I'm gonna go the bathroom or like, oh, yeah, I'm really hungry. And I know that a lot of people don't even know the difference between when they're hungry and when they're thirsty. So I guess this is like a really roundabout way of asking what are some of the ways that we can start doing this throughout our day? and not just, you know, in our yoga practice, or when we're doing tai chi or when we're one on one in session with you, for example?


[08:58] PJ: Yeah, I think that I really liked that. Use those examples because sometimes it does require those kinds of really intentional, unprejudiced observing moments in order to build that capacity to notice things throughout your day.


But I think that when you're looking at those moments throughout the day, we already do notice them. It's just a matter of ignoring them. I think that's kind of the disconnect for a lot of people is, we know that we have to pee, but instead we're saying no, no, I don't have time I have to, you know, finish this reporter to finish this case or have to finish doing this thing and then I can go And the more that we do that, the more we are kind of telling our body like, no, no, you're wrong. You're not correct in what I need right now. I know what I need. This is what takes priority.


And I think that for a lot of people choosing one of those bodily functions is probably the best place to start to just be like, you know, what, today I'm just gonna focus on making sure that I drink water when I'm thirsty. I'm gonna have a cup of water on my table. And anytime I think about thirst, I'm gonna grab that cup of water. I'm gonna drink some and just noticing how that shifts things for you. And that could be with water that could be with food.


Another thing that I noticed is that some people need things like timers. I'm one of those people when it comes to eating food because I will get into case mode and I will be studying and working and just totally zeroed out on everything else in my life. And I will work on that case for hours and hours and then all of a sudden, I'm starving, and I'm desperate for food. I'm so hungry, and then you end up going for a really high carb. My brain needs nourishment right now. And so I'm just kind of shoving it in whatever's in front of me. Versus if I had maybe set that timer for 12 o'clock to say check in and say am I hungry right now? Do I need a snack? Do I need lunch? do I need to take a break? but I find that those timers can be really helpful sometimes just as an opportunity to check back in not necessarily. a timer goes off and eats right now. but a timer going off and saying Oh how am I feeling Am I hungry, what do I need.


[11:13] VL: That's a great idea. I'm similar to you and like once I've been that's something I can very easily lose track of and then all of a sudden it's like famished because I stepped away from what I was doing. I think I noticed that the most when I might be doing a really big public speaking presentation or something that I'm really nervous about. it's like, my body doesn't know what's hungry or thirsty or has to go to the bathroom and then it's the moment the second that event is over. I'm like oh my god, I have to pee. I'm so hungry like nobody likes to talk to me that will look at me. I need to water right now.


​​And I didn't realize any of those things. so I like the idea of having those timers having those check-ins to connect with that because sometimes you need that obvious reminder and it's not forever but it's a great way to get started for sure. Thanks for sharing that.


Now, okay, so let's say we've built this relationship a little bit better and we're aware of the very basic things when we need to eat, when we need to squash or when we need to have a drink. What happens next when we do get a rash or we do notice our digestion? Like let's say we're bloated or maybe our sleep quality has gone down?


What do we do then?


PJ: That’s a great question.


I think that it's it's so individual for each person, but maybe I'll share a bit about where I feel I've landed in terms of how I feel about my health and my symptoms. And what I do when and when I coach clients on when stuff comes up. And what that is, is I feel like as you build this relationship with your body as you start to trust those cues that your body is telling you, as your body learns that you trust those cues. And it knows K when you often talk about the body is kind of like a toddler that you're taking care of.

Because I find them very similar in the sense that if a toddler says to you, I have to trust them and you take them to the bathroom and you help them out. Then there's a level of trust that's been built between you and that toddler, this person, something that I need. They're going to respect that and I know that I can come to them and that builds a relationship that there's a trust and I think that's one of the most important pieces of health in terms of chronic illness when we're trying to heal from it. or just maintaining our health day to day is having that level of trust between body and soul.


So when symptoms come up, instead of seeing that rash come up and feeling like our body has failed or body is doing something to harm us or there's something wrong with our body. we see that that body or that toddler is really just saying to us something's off and we need a little bit of support.


And there's so many different places you can go and a symptom comes up. Obviously my go to is homeopathy I find that the easiest route for me and for other people, it's different things, different modalities, but I find that one of the most powerful and important things that you can lean on first when symptoms come when a symptom comes off is that that sense of trust. It's just like your body needing to pee. It's your body saying, I have a system that needs support. When you need to pee, it's going into the bathroom when you need to eat, it's feeding yourself. When it's a rash. It might be something else, it could be something that has to do with the life situation. It could be something that has to do with an irritant. Maybe you got a new laundry detergent and it's irritating your skin. So it's really just your body communicating to you and being able to meet your body in a place of neutrality and trusting that your body right now is communicating something really important to you.


And it's not always your job to dive into it and figure out what's wrong and you know go down the rabbit hole. Sometimes it's just noticing it and realizing that your body is potentially already resolving that issue. By the time that symptom comes on your body has responded adequately. It's protected you from whatever incoming stimuli is bothering your body. And now it's dealing with it. And I find that non intervention can often be the most powerful tool that we have is to just kind of say, okay, I'm okay with this as long as I can stay regulated and feel safe in terms of what's coming up. Obviously if there's something emergent happening, we have to do something. But how can we support ourselves as a symptom loops through and just see if our body can do what it needs to do to resolve it, because oftentimes it can’t.


[16:09] VL: Whoa. It's a lot, but it's also really important. 


I think one of the things that really stands out to me is this lack of trust in our bodies, and it's like we treat our bodies like machines we treat our bodies like we like they owe us something, you know, and it's like, okay, because I catch myself in this mindset to know I've got to go to the gym four to five times a week. I've got to make sure that I'm drinking my greens every day. I've got to make sure that I'm getting the eight hours of sleep I need to and it's like, well I'm doing this for you to my body and my body doesn't like something or it's tired. Your daughter doesn't want to go to the gym today. And I feel this resistance like what the heck like we need to do this because we have things to do and we have people to see and we have places to go. And I do see that a lot. I recognize that a lot with other people in their relationship and building that trust as well. So what are maybe some tips that you have or insights on?


Maybe the ways in which we can catch ourselves in those moments of like that lack of trust or for maybe another way we could say is like lack of self appreciation or self love. I feel like it's not the right term. But you know what I mean? Where it's like, what's something that we can say or affirm or remind ourselves of to remind ourselves in those moments that we're feeling a little bit at war with our bodies?


JP: Yeah, I think it's a huge practice and, you know, we all have our ebbs and flows with it.


I think really shifting the perspective, away from the model of when my body has symptoms, it's broken to when my body has symptoms, it's already healing. That's a really powerful one for a lot of people. If my body is talking to me through symptoms, it's because it has the capacity to respond to what's happening. If you go out on a super hot day and drink no water and you get heatstroke. It's not a sign that your body is broken. It's a sign that your body is trying to conserve water, Protect your organs and keep you alive. And honestly, thank you. Like, that's fantastic. I'm so sorry for not drinking more water. I'm gonna go get some now like there's a clear intention that your body has to keep you alive. That's what we always say: it's your body's job to keep you alive. Your selfs job is to help you thrive and be happy and all of those other things but your, your body isn't survival.


So just kind of shifting that perspective of kind of welcoming those symptoms and trusting that they have a purpose. And your job is to really meet them halfway and see how you can support them. Go drink that water, heat stroke, you know, like how can I support my body as it moves through this.


I think it is really important with symptoms is a felt sense of safety. If we are in a state where we have symptoms coming up, and it's triggering danger cues in our body that's triggering fight or flight or shut down or panic or anything like that, then we are not in a space where our body can heal or take care of itself. So, safety and learning how to shift your body into a sense of safety is one of the most important things for things like that because it just really amplifies everything when you're feeling unsafe in your body. So that's one of those really core things that I find a lot of people with chronic illness really struggle with, because a lot of their symptoms are rooted in that sense of danger or lack of safety. So oftentimes, I really recommend people get to know their nervous systems, get to know, regulating, get to know, even just the very simple task of orienting to their environment of noticing what's around them.


And oftentimes, it's hard, really hard to notice what's happening inside of you if you're in that state, because you, you really protected yourself by disconnecting from the body, which I think a lot of people have done over the years. We're really taught to do that even just as kids you know, to ignore body cues, you know, can't go to the bathroom till lunchtime. You can't, you know, all of those things that we learn as we're kids kind of get ingrained in us. and I think a lot of adults today are very shut off from their bodies not not not on purpose, but for a sense of safety that knowing what's happening inside. Sometimes it's too dangerous for us. so that's the other element that I think is important.


[20:55] VL: I'm glad you said it's rooted in safety, because safety is such a foundational part of our lives and our beings and ourselves and our bodies and that feeling.


I was on a road trip recently where I was by myself and in a very different place. And I love traveling and I love solo traveling and I know that when I am traveling by myself, I am in a heightened state of awareness of my surroundings in my environment. So yeah, so it's really interesting, coming home and being in a new place and how I respond to things and how I'm alert to things and where my guard is put down. And I noticed that as soon as I get to the destination from that transit, right, if I know that I'm safe, I feel like I crash and I have the best sleep ever because I just use so much energy into staying awake or alert or aware whatever it is I need to do. And the other thing I noticed, especially with this recent road trip I went on was that I had to go to the bathroom.


But there was not a bathroom nearby and so I'm like, I'm not gonna pull over on the side of the road in the middle of a cornfield in Ohio because that's not safe.


So I you know, was putting in like rest stops the GPS knows like, okay, like we can do this 20 minutes like we're gonna get there it's gonna be fine and it's interesting because I've never really been on a road trip like this by myself so I'm I'm learning as I'm going but I definitely recognized as one of the things was like a really need to make sure that I have a rest stop or going to the bathroom before I'm leaving someplace or whatever that is because my stomach hurt so much like my lower abdomen was on so much pain even after I went to the bathroom, and I was like, yeah, no, I don't know how people hold their pee all day. Like I really don't know how people do that. so uncomfortable stuff which paid And I kinda said to my body was like, look, let's listen, we're not going to do that again. Okay, we're gonna go to the bathroom the moment we get awkward.


but yeah, that just reminded me of that. And again, like rooted in safety, safety. is that foundation safety are those roots and it's like, as soon as you can get to those points as soon as you can build that foundation. there's so much more opportunity for growth or our healing or our relationship to build or that neutralizing of our energy. If you could say like that, I guess.


[23:41] PJ: Yeah, totally.


And I liked that you use that example? Because I think that that's a really good example of suppressing those needs in a safety or danger driven situation, not danger. Obviously you are okay. But that sense of safety wasn't there and so, things were kind of suppressed and we were kind of ignoring what was happening in the body. And I think that even just noticing that for yourself is really cool because you can see what safety feels like versus not so much that you feel a sense of safety. And I know what came to mind for me was people who will go on vacation and get sick, those I don't know if you know anyone like that, where like every time they go on vacation, they get sick like a coal or they're the ones you know, they're the ones who get food poisoning. They're the ones that get whatever issue that people get in that place.


Those Mexico trips that's always what it makes me think of.


But I always find that really interesting, and I didn't really understand it before like, before I understood this concept of the body expressing symptoms and the body, feeling safe and all of that stuff is that I think a lot of times the people who experienced that are the ones who are living their day to day life in a very stressed fight or flight shutdown way where they're just kind of trying to get to the next day. They're working too hard. They're running themselves to the cloud. And then they go on vacation and they finally let go and the body feels safe enough to allow things to come up. And that can be really challenging, especially when you're healing chronic symptoms, because sometimes it's when you reach that safety point that your body is like, okay, great. We can let all of this out. And that can be intense. And I know for me I had a really challenging last year and a half because my partner got a concussion. So we were dealing with a lot of really challenging stuff there. And so I was on fighter flight. I'm in management mode. I have to be okay because my partner is not. I have to manage everything. And sure enough, when that ended when he went back to work this summer, I felt my entire body just be like Oh, okay!

And it just shut down like, and I thought I was okay. I mean I did a lot of really good work for myself. Through the year to make sure that I was supported and did my best. But at the end of the day stress is stress and you can only do so much for it. So that was really interesting for me, but I kind of felt like that person who goes on holidays and, you know, crashes because I was like, Oh, we're out. We're out. We're out of it. We're into the good part of life like he's back at work, everything's good. And then my body just shut down. And it was great. We're done. 


[26:43] VL: It's really cool to notice those kinds of dynamics of what safety feels like. And that's such a huge example. I think about this all the time. Not just going on vacation one but what you said about the dynamics in your partnership because my grandmother for a long time for like my whole life. My grandfather was really sick. And it was one of those things where I was like you have a few years to live which turned into 10 years of his life which was amazing. That we got to have my grandpa around and spending that time with him for that much longer than everyone thought. But during those 10 years, my grandmother was taking care of him every second of every day, and the moment or not the moment but days after my grandfather passed away. My grandmother started shutting down healthwise. And she was diagnosed with diabetes. And then eventually, like later on, she had a quadruple bypass surgery and it's like all of these things that seemed to have come on. All of the sudden had happened right after she didn't have to take care of someone else anymore. And that's something that I'm, I mean, in a way that I'm grateful to have experienced and been able to observe as an 18 year old who was like, Whoa, what's going on here? I'm noticing this, but I've also noticed it again, in situations where people retire, and they don't work anymore. And through this transition of like, well, now what do I do? Now? Who am I and that's like this identity almost, and I don't know and maybe you can explain this. like, I don't know if the retirement part is safety… but maybe like, maybe it's more of like they've reached a goal, they've attained a goal and then all of the sudden the goal is done so they don't have that next goal or that next chapter or they don't know what it is like, you know what I'm saying?


PJ: Totally. I think there's a lot of layers to all of it and it totally depends on the person and what's happening for them. But like in homeopathy, we always are looking at kind of the causations and and shocking life changes or events. That mean anything in our environment is something that our body has to respond to right. The smoothie that you're drinking, your body is having to respond to it's having to say okay, what is this? What do we do with it? How do we move it through? How do we process it? Is this good? Is it bad yada yada?


And life events are just the same as that and I think that we, you know, we don't necessarily give them as much attention, but something like retirement even if you're planning for it, even if you have, you know, looked forward to it for the last 20 years, even you know, whatever the circumstances that's still a huge shock to the system. You're changing one of the most major parts of your life. For the most part, most people the biggest part of their life is their job. And so all of a sudden, that's gone. And it's a stressor, that shift is a stressor, just like my partner going back to work where I thought this is going to be the best thing ever. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Oh, I'm a puddle of wash. I don't know what to do with myself. positive experiences carry grief. positive experiences are stressful, positive experiences are something your body has to transition to and get used to.


Someone came to mind when you're talking about the retirement thing. And I think that for some people, their jobs have them kind of in a state of suppression, a state of kind of shutting down certain parts of themselves.


And also when they retire, all of a sudden that stuff has to kind of be phased. So I mean, there could be two ways that it goes. It could be a job that maybe wasn't great for you. And there's stuff that needs to be dealt with around that. And you can't safely deal with it while you're in the job because you need the job to survive. So then when that job goes away, the body says okay, now we can talk about the trauma of that terrible boss you had or now we can talk about how stressful it was. We can recover from the long hours we can do all this. The other side of things I think is kind of that positive grief. It's a job that you really love. it was a lot of your identity. And now that it's gone Who am I like we see that with people healing from chronic illness to a lot of people get really stuck in chronic illness because it's become their identity and letting go of it means letting go of online forums, friends who have that illness , the secondary gains, right the things that we get because we have those symptoms. So I think that there's a lot of different things that come into play there. But any change brings a force of your body needing to adapt and say, Okay, let's do inventory. What's going on?



[31:49] VL: Oh my goodness, you're so right. That's so incredible to even just scratch the surface of I know that people are going to be listening and thinking like, oh, I have a very individual very specific need and question so where can people find you and follow you and not only support your business but also support their own health? And is it called homeostasis? Like, what do I call it? 


PJ: Yeah, homeostasis. 


VL: Okay. Got it. So yeah, where can they connect with you to learn more and to work with?


PJ: Yeah, for sure. I like to use the word homeostasis because that's, I think that's a good word to remember that. We're not seeking perfection of health. We're seeking the ability to ebb and flow through the changes and through everything. So I'm glad you brought that up.



WEBSITE | http://www.paulajeffrey.com 

IG | @healingwithpaula www.instagram.com/healingwithpaula 


VL: Thank you. That's awesome.


Before we get into the final segment of the show, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really want to share before we go into our rapid fire round.


PJ: It's probably been said but I think it's just a good reminder that your body is so much wiser. Many people have given credit to and it knows exactly what it's doing. That's always something that I have gone through my brain. Every day it's just my body knows exactly what it's doing and that's, that's really cool.


RAPID FIRE ROUND

What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

PJ: Currently reading Homeopathy for Today’s World: Discovering Your Animal, Mineral or Plant Nature by Dr. Rajan Sankaran


What does “empowerment” mean to you?

PJ: Ooh Empowerment is…an energy supporting your body and self to do what it needs to do and have the capacity to do what it needs to do.


What is your longest standing habit?

PJ: Oh, that's tough. I have a non consistent manifesting generators so those things change a lot. That's a really good question. I feel like my longest standing habit is probably loving homeopathy. I have been doing that since I was 13. so that's probably it.


What are you currently working toward?

PJ: The first word that came into my mind was stability. So I think I'm working towards stability this season.


[37:00] VL: Thank you so much for being part of the podcast. This has been a very interesting conversation that I feel like we could talk about for a lot longer. And I know that I'm going to be continuing these conversations with you and your social media. And I hope that the listener who is feeling called or connected to you also reaches out to work with you as well as to find different ways to support their own body and honestly, you have been such a the right word like your posts are very interesting and insightful and educational. And I've really looked to them, one for inspiration, but also as a bit of a resource tool for me because I honestly and still don't really know a lot about homeopathy, which I learned how to save properly today.


So I'm really excited to continue learning from you and yeah, I just think the world is really lucky to have you in it, and the things that you do in a couple you support I know, feel the same way. So again I'm just very grateful for you are here today. Thank you. 


PJ: Thank you so much for having me. This is a lot more fun, and I could say all those things back to you.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E208: New Moon, New Beginnings (The Revival)
 
 

E208: New Moon, New Beginnings (The Revival)

New moons mark the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. With a new moon there is a sense of restart, refresh, turning over a new leaf, and intention setting. Whether you’re listening to this episode the day it comes out, or around the time of a different new moon, my intention is that it sparks inventive ways for you to grow!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:52] Well hello there, and happy NEW MOON! Today’s new moon is in the adventurous, wise, aspiring, excessive, extravagant sign of SAGITTARIUS! 


That means that we can access the traits and themes of Sagittarius during this moon. If you’re listening to this episode during a different new moon, you can google what sign your new moon is in, and those will be the themes of this timing for you!


If you’re new to the show, welcome! And also, disclaimer, this is not an astrology podcast BUT I do love and am very interested in astrology and I follow the planets, especially the moon, every week. It’s more of an interest and hobby of mine that I sometimes take a step further. 


By that I mean I’ll host a workshop or a gathering around certain powerful transits or moon phases, or I’ll begin new projects around new moons. In fact, this very podcast was launched on a new moon in Scorpio four years ago.


YEP! Episode one of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast started as a live show on Instagram and Facebook. I took the audio of the videos I recorded live, and I added some intro and outro music and made them podcast episodes.


And let me rewind a little more, before there was a podcast, there was a blog called the Women’s Empowerment Blog. Blogs were fading out a bit and I wanted the content to reach more people, so I transitioned the blog to a weekly podcast and video series!


You can still watch the very first episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast on Youtube (fair warning the quality isn’t great).


[02:50]I thought it ceremonious to go back and revisit the intentions that I set for the podcast by rewatching the very first episode. 


I thought it would be more cringe than it was. I’m actually really proud of this past version of myself. I remember her so well, and while I was watching I wanted to give her a really big hug and share so much pride and joy with her. 


Even though I was nervous then, I did a really great job. I was clear and concise. I’m truly grateful that this version of me was brave enough to take this leap and it’s inspiring me to take more leaps with the podcast as it continues to grow!


Speaking of growth… The podcast’s organic downloads are sitting JUST below 90,000 downloads! This is insane for me. I cannot believe it! Past Valerie wouldn’t believe it either hahaha


So excited and so very grateful, thank you so much! Your downloads, sharing with friends, writing reviews – they are HUGE ways to support the show for free and they mean the world to me!


If you feel called to leave a review, please do so on Apple Podcasts.

When I started this podcast I was worried about staying consistent and keeping up with the content. Taking this big leap for myself and my business meant developing new systems, routines, and habits to keep me on track with the show. 


Over the years I’ve really discovered and experienced the incredible power of positive habits, and I attribute my growth and success with these systems and rituals. 


If you’re looking for growth and success in your own life and business – and if you’re listening to this episode than I know that you are – then you’ll want to grab my free Build Better Habits Guide to bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you.


Grab your guide at http://valerielavignelife.com/habits !

[05:12] Alright let’s talk about the goodness of the magic of the moon! There are eight major moon cycles, and we work with each part of the cycle a little differently. The moon completes a full cycle every 28-30ish days.


NEW MOON

The first part of the moon phase is all about intention setting, and new beginnings. During this phase of the moon, there is no moonlight in the sky, so the stars are the brightest.


This moon connects to the energy of winter with qualities of darkness and coolness. In this phase we’re most connected to the dream realm and called to go inward. We might feel more intuitive or possibly psychic during this moon phase. 


You might feel less social during this time, and instead you want to stay home and envision the life you are creating, or intentions you want to set.


This is a time of reflection, time to ground our bodies, and calm our minds to make us better at deciding which seeds of intention we would like to plant for the month ahead.


With today being the new moon, consider how you can take some time to slow down, be still, and connect deeply with yourself and your intuition. I’m going to share a new moon ritual with you later in this episode. 


[06:44] WAXING CRESCENT

The second phase in our moon cycle is the Waxing Crescent Moon. In this phase, we continue with the energy of winter, and we start to see a little more moonlight in the sky. We also continue to connect to our intention and what this intention truly means for us.


We imagine what the intention is, why this intention is important, and how it might manifest and take shape. Although we don’t always know the how of our manifesting and goal-setting journey, we can dream up possibilities while leaving room for magic and surprises to unfold.


[07:20] FIRST QUARTER

Next we have the First Quarter Moon. This is still part of the waxing phase, meaning more moonlight illuminating the night sky in this phase. 


Now we move into the “spring” season/energy and we can start to take action toward our manifestation. This phase, as well as springtime, is associated with a time of expansion. We can focus on strength, regeneration, resiliency, structure and stability. 


This phase invites us to replenish our immunity, vitality, and sensuality. 


[08:16] WAXING GIBBOUS

The fourth moon phase is called the Waxing Gibbous Moon. This is a time to truly trust in the intention and also in the process. We can allow ourselves to open up to the potency of the waxing phase and start to come alive.


With this awakening we may feel moved, inspired, motivated to take actions toward our intentions and manifestations.


All the while grounding ourselves through our supportive routines, nourishing self-care, and revitalization of our being.


You feel this energy building between the new and full moon phases, just as the moon begins to fill, the energy also increases.


[09:00] FULL MOON

The fifth phase of our moon cycle is the famous Full Moon. Most people know or have heard about the full moon, and can spot it when they see it in the sky! During this phase our intention is manifesting OR our intention is releasing. If it’s the latter, we must accept that this may not be the right time for this, and something better may be coming!


The essence of the full moon resonates most with the summer season. This is a time of transformation, courage, inspired passion, and willpower. 


The moon is at its brightest and we may feel charismatic, mentally clear and sharp, and excited to socialize with the world around us. Take the time to interact with the world around you, using your outward expression, and RSVP to invitations and gatherings. Indulge in life’s blessings, connections, and relationships.


With this surge of energy we can feel activated to take action, or make great leaps.We are energized to move. Take the time to be present in your body and your movements will lead you to inspired action; the right action best suited to make your dreams realities. 


[10:25] WANING GIBBOUS

Our sixth moon phase is the Waning Gibbous moon. As we enter the waning phase, we enter into the essence or energy of fall/autumn. Here we can focus on gratitude for our intention. Just like the time of harvest, and how the leaves begin to fall from the trees, we collect our intentions, our abundance, our gifts, and watch as the moonlight fades. 


We begin our ritual of unwinding and reflecting by giving thanks to what was given to us, what we needed to fuel and nourish ourselves.


[11:10] THIRD QUARTER

We continue the waning phase with the Third Quarter Moon. This is where we’re releasing what we no longer need and giving back from a place of abundance.


Since the fall season is a time for us to surrender and let go, we can use this to prepare for our next New Moon phase.


Our worlds and ourselves are ever-changing, evolving, transforming. With new things coming in, we have to let go of the past, or what no longer serves us. This is the work and magic of this waning phase: to show us what we no longer need and help us to release it.


This might bring up emotions, and with patience and kindness we can create space energetically and emotionally to flow through these feelings.


It’s time to let go of expectations or anything we’re gripping onto, making space to invite the new, and call in what we need.


[12:12] WANING CRESCENT

Our last phase is the final part of our waning cycle: the Waning Crescent Moon. With just a sliver of the moon left in the sky, it’s time for us to rest, reflect, and restore before the next cycle. 


Circling back to gratitude and welcoming new possibilities and opportunities into our lives. Remember that what we are grateful for, we attract more of!


This is the final part of the detoxification of the waning phase of the moon, potentially uncomfortable, yet necessary for the growth and expansion we wish to call in. You can begin to think of your new intentions for the next 28-day lunar phase, this time having learned and discovered more.


[12:00] NEW MOON RITUAL

You can practice this new moon ritual on or around the day of the new moon.


You will need: 

  • Your new moon altars. (depending on which new moon you are in, look for flowers, stones, herbs, incense, foods, and/or symbols that represent the sign the moon is in – google can help you!)

  • A candle or incense

  • A glass of water that you will drink


To prepare for this ritual, cleanse your body with a mindful new moon bath or shower. If you are short on time, you can wash your hands and brush your teeth instead.


Next, tidy up your ritual space and mindfully set up your altar with the highest good/intention in mind. This process is not to be rushed, but enjoyed.


Once your altar is prepared, light your candle and incense. Sit in front of the altar and take a few mindful breaths, practice breath-work (I recommend Nadi Shodhana aka Alternate Nostril Breathing for the Fall New Moon), or listen to a guided meditation.


Get clear on an intention (or a few) that you have for the next one, six months, and/or twelve months (one month for a lunar cycle, six months for the next Full Moon in the same sign as this new moon, and twelve months of a complete lunar cycle of the same sign).

  • What seeds are you planting?

  • How do you want to show up for this intention?

  • What are you committed to bringing to this goal?


You can then turn your intention into an affirmation or “I AM” statement. Keep this positive and in the present tense. It doesn’t have to start with “I am” but if affirmations are new to you, this is a great starting point.


Once you have your affirmation, hold your glass of water and speak your intention into the water three times. 


Drink the water knowing that you are absorbing the message.


When you feel ready, blow out your candle. The ritual is now complete.


As the days go by, notice and track any experiences, feelings, or thoughts that come up that are related to your intention. You can continue to speak your affirmation into the water you are drinking throughout the month. 


[16:10] NEW MOON JOURNAL PROMPTS

As part of your ritual you can also do some journaling. I have this lovely book called Moon Bath that has the most luxurious bath rituals and recipes for different moon phases. 


These journal prompts are from that book for the New Moon in the Fall Season. We’re technically nearing the end of fall when this podcast launches.


Courtesy of “Moon Bath” Book


What was the intention or goal I set for myself this year?

What benefits am I now enjoying from this intention or goal?

What can I do to maintain my energy while my ideas come to life?

What kind of support do I need from my community to sustain my momentum?


I want to make one small and final note about new moons and rituals around new moons. If the new – or full moon for that matter – is during an eclipse, it’s best to avoid any rituals during these times. Usually during eclipses we want to relax, lay low, and let the planets do their thing. Maybe we brace ourselves for hiccups or unexpected emotions or changes. Again, a quick google search or a chat with your local astrologer can help you figure out what moon you’re in and what tools might be most helpful for your current moon phase!


If you feel called to share your new moon rituals and practices with me, please tag me @vallavignelife on instagram. I would LOVE to see what you’ve created and how you are channeling this abundant energy!


Many new moon blessings to you!!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram