Posts in Entrepreneurship
E207: The 7 Strategies that Create More Space in Your Day
 
 

E207: The 7 Strategies that Create More Space in Your Day

I felt like I got smacked in the face when it was all of the sudden Q4 and through review and reflection I realized my goals weren’t being met, my to do lists were only getting longer, and I had less and less time in my calendar. Feelings of guilt, confusion, and inadequacy were bubbling up and I knew a change had to be made…


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[00:52] If you’ve felt overwhelmed, inadequate, confused, or guilty, then this episode is for you. Each week for the past couple months I’ve been prying things off my schedule and calendar. 


At first I was checking things off my to do list, then I started letting things go completely. “Is this something that has to get done by me?” I would ask, and if the answer was no, I would delegate or eliminate it all together. 


I’ve been so caught up in what I should be doing that I don’t even feel like I’m moving the needle on anything that’s important to me. 


How am I so exhausted at the end of the day, and yet my goals aren’t being achieved? How am I putting in so much energy and effort and results aren’t surfacing? 


A noisy and nagging voice in my head kept shouting: do more, work harder, push further, be better, and I tried! To no surprise this strategy led me to feeling burnt-the-F-out. 


Being the problem solver I am, I decided to switch gears: Instead of prioritizing energy and productivity, I started prioritizing rest and stress management. On a day-to-day scale this looked like:


  1. Measuring new daily habits:

Through apps on my phone I track: my water intake and meditation practice

Using my OURA ring I am able to track detailed information on my: readiness and sleep

I manually track: no screen time for 1 hour from wake up and reading (usually before bed)


  1. Purchasing my new “Achieve Planner” and writing out 1-3 tasks per day maximum has been really helpful and eye opening!

The planner helps me set monthly, weekly and daily goals. It includes a weekly habit tracker and also asks me to reflect on “what was great about today?” and “what could have made today better?” This daily reflection is something I’ve never really practiced before - not in this way - and it’s incredibly insightful as to what is working in my day and what isn’t. I’m already starting to notice patterns and I’m making little tweaks that are more supportive.


  1. Boundaries around my calendar/schedule

If I notice that there is a lot going on in my calendar in a day, I see if I can move things over to another day. I’m not scheduling multiple calls or appointments in a day, and if I have to, I block off time on that day, or the very next day to recover/recharge. I also block days off… even if it’s the weekend. As a business owner, it’s really easy to work all the time, so I have to be strict with these boundaries, especially with myself. 


  1. I don’t do laundry or house chores on my days off

I actually started this maybe a year ago, although now I’m more consistent with it. Even if the laundry pile is out of control, I only do laundry on days that I work. At first I thought it wasn’t a great idea, and then I tested it for myself. Who on earth wants to do chores on their days off? I certainly don’t! 



[04:40] I’ve been experimenting with this for approximately six weeks, and what I’ve truly been recognizing is the importance of tuning into my needs, of connecting with myself, of going inwards before moving forward.


I’ve started to trust my gut instincts more, and plan my days with intuition whenever I can. I ask my body what it needs rather than assuming or forcing, and this has manifested in such beautiful ways!


Some days my body wants to nap, or read a little more. Sometimes I have energy to spend time alone in nature walking, hiking, or riding my bike! I’ve had some powerful meditation sessions where I want to write my visions, or sit a little while longer. 


So many wonderful downloads and experiences have come up in the last six weeks. And most recently, I’ve been feeling so much more creative, which I had been struggling with a lot. 


I really believe that this lack of creativity, motivation, and energy was a result of getting caught up in the busyness and hectic day-to-day life that our society praise’s. 


And listen, there is no doubt that we’ve got a lot going on in our lives, but our calendars, lives, and minds don’t have to be so full that we’re not bringing in newness and inspiration and joy!



Let’s create space for us to thrive through these 7 strategies


[06:27] #1: Put it On Paper

I cannot emphasize enough how powerful my physical planner has been for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely a digital-lover. My calendar is digital, I have hundreds of notes in my notes app, I produce my podcast and all my documents are all digital. 


But there is something special about writing things down on paper. There’s actually evidence and research to support that writing things down on paper is the key to effectiveness because it helps you free up your mind and better organize your thoughts. 


It becomes a visual representation of all the things you’ve got going on in your life and allows you to let go of the mental heaviness of incomplete tasks, commitments, appointments, etc. 


[07:38] #2: Complete a Time Audit

There were two insights that really stood out to me when I started using my new physical planner. The first one was that Thursday afternoons were when I felt most exhausted and needed to take a break. Even if I didn’t schedule it in, my body was going to take it anyway.


The second insight was that I wasn’t spending my time each day how I thought I was and my 1-3 tasks a day were not getting done because of it.


This pattern of ending the day or week with incomplete tasks urged me to reevaluate my time. If I wasn’t completing my simple tasks, what was I doing with that time? Where was that energy going?


So I decided to record how I spend each 30-60 minutes of the day. It’s AMAZING what you discover when you write down how you spend each hour of your day. You really start to notice the holes and leaks in your time, and where or why you’re losing focus. 


Within a few days of this audit I realized what my common distractions were, and noted that the tasks I was writing down didn’t have the space they needed in my calendar to actually get done and I was really only half completing them. 


[09:25] #3 Clarify Your Goals

What is the purpose of creating more space in your life? Why do you want to feel spacious? Answering these questions honestly will help you find the clarity in your unique process as well as outline your next steps.


For myself, I wanted more time for the things that brought me joy, for new experiences, for travel, and play! I wanted to feel creative again and excited about sharing my ideas.


Here are a couple more questions to ask yourself to help you gain clarity: If you had more time in a day, what would you do with that time? What goals do you want to achieve in your life, and what action steps can you take to achieve those?


Knowing your values and what’s most important to you, will help you with our fourth strategy:


[10:47] #4 Eliminate and/or Delegate

You’ve been collecting information and in motion through the process, but now it’s time to take action. Use the information you’ve recorded and identify the habits, routines, people, tasks, etc. that aren’t in alignment with your desired schedule, mind or life. 


Can you eliminate it? If yes, do that. If no: Can you delegate it? If yes, do that. If no: the item must be done by you only, and sometimes that is the reality, which is fine, however is there a way for us to make this more enjoyable?


Can we create a ritual for this task that involves something else we love, or perhaps we do something satisfying before the unsatisfying task?


I understand that we don’t always have complete control over every aspect of our lives, but we do have control over how we respond to the events in our lives. 


For myself, I could have chosen to stay frustrated and wallow in the feelings of “I’m not enough” but instead I decided to pause, reevaluate, and move forward with more mindfulness. I shifted priorities and focusing on my sleep and stress management actually gave me the energy and productivity I was searching for BEFORE I adjusted my focus. 


However it took a little “slap in the face” for me to wake-up to my reality. Hopefully you’re listening to this before an uncomfortable wake-up call!


[12:35] #5 Create Your Plan of Action

You have your goals, and the action steps to get there. You’ve created space for what’s important by removing what isn’t. 


Now, what must you schedule to achieve your goals? What tiny actions or routines will help you move the needle forward? Add these to your calendar/planner.


My big goal this week is to use the momentum of my recent creative downloads to build out the podcast episodes for the rest of this year and into January. That way I can be more present while I travel in December and January, and I can use my time to share the content versus constantly creating it. This opens up more space for more creative downloads!


[13:27] #6 Embrace White Space

Between your must-dos and action steps to get you to your goals are margins of time in your day called white space. They are nothing and everything. 

This “white space” is your dedicated time for mental pauses. Free periods of time to do whatever you absolutely want to do. 


Moments of self-care, mindfulness, presence, and/or wherever your intuition takes you. My tip is to not schedule anything in there at all and allow your energy to dictate where you want to go.


Today, my white space consisted of pulling some oracle cards, stretching my tight hips and hamstrings, and doing some throat and third eye chakra healing. I had no plans for these things earlier in the day. 


#7 [14:27] Lead and Move Forward with Intention

If you listened to last week’s podcast episode, you would have heard my story about how making my bed every morning changed my life. It got me out of my mild depression and anxiety and taught me about doing small things with intention, to make big changes. 


Episode 206: If You Want to Change the World… Start By Making Your Bed


The more we can be intentional with our other small actions, the better in alignment we are to our goals. This also honours our boundaries with feeling spacious, centred, and close to our values. 


Our final strategy to creating more space in our lives is to lead and move forward with intention because it’s an ongoing process, it’s maintenance. 


You can do this by blocking off time in your calendar to reflect on your progress and reevaluate your audits. In the beginning I was doing a version of this weekly, but now I will shift to monthly, and eventually quarterly. I find the beginning stages VERY CRUCIAL because we want to create a solid foundation to build from.


When new opportunities, projects, invitations arise, it’s important to anchor into our values and check in with ourselves first: does this align with my goals/values? Answering this before committing to something new.


It’s important that we’re not afraid to say “no.” when something doesn’t align. There are ways to do this politely, and in my experience people really appreciate the honesty and admire the boundaries that I have.


Give yourself guilt-free breaks. I promise you will gain more energy, more clarity, more creativity, more joy when you GIVE YOURSELF BREAKS. Breaks are not rewards. They are part of your growth, recovery, health, life, and thriving. 


Another huge part of creating space and making shifts to my energy has been gratitude – I have talked about this so many times in podcast episodes on their own. Gratitude is a gamechanger. Write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for every single day and watch how your life elevates.


What small practices and routines will you create to make and protect the space in your days?


[16:58] Let’s create these new routines and rituals together. We can start today! Right now!


If you want to build better habits, I have a free workbook for you! This is your step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter. You know... the ones that bring you closer to the best version of yourself, and make a greater impact on the world around you. 


A month from now… you can either have a month of spaciousness and progress OR a month of excuses why you didn’t get started.


So if you want space progress, head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/habits and download the free guide. 


What practices and rituals are you creating to make more space in your days? Share them with me on instagram @vallavignelife - I want to hear all about them!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator
 
 

E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator

Eliza is an International Integrative Psychotherapist. With Masters degrees in Integrative Health and Counseling Psychology, she combines her extensive knowledge in mind-body health, mindfulness, breathwork, and somatic psychology to support her clients back to whole-body wellbeing. Her private practice includes both 1:1 therapy and her signature 12-week online course Reconnect


[01:00] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm very excited to introduce you to a brand new guest Eliza Butler, Eliza. Welcome to the show. It's so great to have you here. 


Eliza Butler: Thanks, Valerie. It's so good to be here with you.


VL: I love that we're connecting because I feel like we have a lot of interests in common and I know we both met through our group coaching. And whenever you like, share a book or podcast episode on your Instagram. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I need to read that or Oh, I listened to that episode. It's so great. And it's kind of like, I don't know, it's just like really synchronistic the way that we've kind of weaved in and out of each other's social media and all those kinds of things like connected, virtually I guess this past year. But then also, I just love following you and learning from you because you are this incredible wealth of knowledge and your Tik Tok is amazing. your Instagram is amazing. Your you want is also amazing Like girl, you just, you're doing it.


[02:18] EB: A lot of cool things. Thank you. Yeah, it's taken me a long time to just allow myself to feel creative in these spaces and it's feeling really fun and aligned and I feel the exact same way about everything you put out. It's just so fun. to learn from you and grow from you and see all the amazing things that you're up to. So yeah, I'm really happy that our paths have crossed and that we're here now together.


VL: Thank you so much. And honestly I can tell that you've because since we met, I don't know almost a year ago. I can see your growth and like the comfort level in how you share and how you teach in this online space. So that's pretty cool to see that evolution. You are stepping into who you are now so yeah, it's awesome. But one of the things that you do really well is you are an incredible breathwork educator. And this is something that I'm really drawn to currently and in the past and I really want to dive into with you. So why don't you tell us a little bit about what breathwork is for someone who might be listening who doesn't know or maybe they've heard that word before, but they're not sure exactly how to describe it. What's breathwork? What do we need to know?


[03:38] EB: Oh, where do you even begin? It is such an amazing resource.


You know, I like to say that everything begins and ends with the breath, both life and just generally not to get too esoteric right off the bat.


But our breath really is our most abundant resource when it comes to our health and well being and it's often overlooked, right? Like we talk a ton in the wellness space. We talk a ton about nutrition and movement and embodiment and trauma, healing and all of these things. But really what I've found to be the most supportive in terms of helping us back into connection to self is through the breath. And so breath work is sort of this umbrella term. That just means any sort of intentional manipulation of the breath and there's tons of different types of breath work patterns. there's tons of different ways to do breath work for all different reasons. So it's really you know, number one is to figure out okay, what is my intention with the breath work? what am I hoping to support myself with through breathing, and then there's actually different techniques, different patterns, different breathing ways that you can utilize to support you with that intention.


So, for me specifically, you know, I am a psychotherapist and a counselor. So I'm really drawn to the mental health side of things, but I also have this background in integrative health. I was a health coach for years. So I recognize the importance of looking at your health, your mental health, specifically from a holistic standpoint. supporting your physical well being to support your mental well being etc, etc. And I found that breathwork is is one of the one easiest, and two, most accessible way to do that.


And so there's sort of two ways that I like to work with breath, which is, the first is the more sort of functional breathing, so making sure that you're breathing correctly, to support your health, even when you're not thinking about the breath. So, you know, we breathe upwards of 20,000 times per day, which is insane if you think about it, like, you know, we eat three to five times a day, we work out maybe once a day if we're lucky. but here is this thing, this breath that we're doing unconsciously and consciously throughout the day, that actually has huge impacts on our overall health and wellbeing So you know, the functional breathing side is really making sure you're breathing in a way that is supporting your health and well being, even when you're not thinking about the breath, because we can't be meditating for hours and hours a day as much as that would be lovely.


And so I support my people through that avenue and then the other avenue that I'll just quickly touch on is the more sort of breathwork journeying side of things which is really great for things like trauma, healing and emotional release and getting in touch with maybe stuck patterns and stuck energies in the body. That's more sort of the spiritual side of things and I work one on one and in groups with the breathwork journeying. But I found that the real like foundation is the importance of starting with this functional breathing side of things and making sure that people are breathing in a way that is not only supporting their mental, emotional, spiritual, physical well being, but also preventing any future illnesses or diseases, diseases or things that come up kind of along the way. So yeah, it's all about sort of emotional regulation, nervous system regulation.


And I feel like I'm kind of rambling because again, it's such a robust topic, and I just get so excited that we have this tool that so many of us just don't recognize its powers. So yeah.


[07:52:] VL: Oh my gosh, you're so right. And you had so many great points there. right at the end, you just listed a bunch of ways that we could use our breath and that was going to be my follow up question was, what are some of the reasons why, you know, we could focus on the breath language we just breathe naturally and innately like we don't need to think about breath. we don't need to sit in meditation for breath. but it really does support so much more than just being alive in that moment.


So with that foundational piece of functional breathing and how to breathe, I feel like Could we get into fifth you teach me how to breathe without thinking about it?


EB: There's a lot of different things I could say. I think just to sort of reiterate how important it is, you know, if you think about the breath, when you inhale, you're inhaling oxygen. When you exhale, you exhale carbon dioxide, right? It's just a basic simple gas exchange is really the breath in its simplest definition.


But if you think about oxygen, oxygen needs to then go to all the cells, all the muscles, like we need oxygen to function. We need oxygen for every single cell and function properly. And so really, like I could list everything that the breath sort of supports us with but it would be the entire length of this podcast because it is everything, every single function in our being is affected by the breath.


So it’s a lot.


VL: Totally.


EB: Yeah, and to answer your question, you know, so many people breathe dysfunctionally and so some signs of dysfunctional breathing, our upper chest breathing that kind of mentally, hyperventilation, which I see a lot, something like 80% of people 80% of the people in the corporate space like hold their breath while typing emails or something like insane like that. I think. I think that the statistic is 80% of people.


And I've found myself guilty of it right. So the first step is really that breath awareness piece of when am I holding my breath? When am I shallow breathing? When am I breathing in and out of my mouth because mouth breathing and we can get into that is really not great for your health and well being.


When am I sort of bracing for impact? And yeah, I work with a lot of people with trauma. So it's a lot like that hypervigilance piece around trauma and the nervous system is like keeping us in that sympathetic state of just bracing for impact or waiting for the next bad thing to happen or waiting for.


You know, just waiting to kind of fight or need to like defend ourselves or X, Y and Z, you know, so, it's really about first, being aware of when you are triggered to breathe dysfunctionally when you're triggered to sort of either hold your breath, Breathe shallow breathe in the upper chest, right.


So that's sort of the first piece I'd say. 


[11:22] VL: Yeah, it's really noticing which of those categories maybe you fall under? 


Because I see this a lot when I teach Pilates. I do a lot of intro private classes. And the first thing that I do with people is teach them the Pilates breath. And as I'm talking about how I want you to breathe in class, it's a pretty deep breath considering that we're using a lot of muscles and we're moving in certain ways and we're holding in our body and stabilizing a lot of the time. And people get really caught up and like Oh, this feels really opposite to what I'm used to or they'll say, or I'll catch them like holding their breath or reversing the breath often. And I just say don't worry if you're breathing you're already on your way to doing Pilates. If you're not breathing. Now we have a problem. You're holding your breath. But one of the things that I notice is that most people, like you said, have a lot of the upper chest breath and they're having a hard time keeping that Pilates breath pattern because they're not actually fully exhaling.


And, I mean, I don't spend the class teaching them Pilates like solely on the breath and like oh, what else are you holding on to and let's dive into Let's peel back the layers for that one.


But I know that there are other things there. And so one of the things that I have people do is just exhale as much air as you possibly can. And when you think you have exhaled everything, tried to push a little bit more breath out, and all of a sudden they're able to take this huge inhale breath back in. And it's like, okay, you have completed that cycle. Whereas if you're just doing that quick, inhale, exhale, there's so much else left within you that you're like, Have you even finished the cycle? Did you even breathe? Yeah. do you even feel the breath like when people eat really fast and I didn't even taste your food. Where did your breath go?


[13:28] EB:  Oh, totally. And I love that your Pilates studio is called Exhale Pilates because it's so brilliant right? Because we think that the inhale is the most important part because we're bringing in that oxygen, right? It's like, we need that oxygen. But in reality, that exhale is what's going to get us to that place of being fully resourced, deeply relaxed. And able to be resilient to all of life's challenges. I mean, I remember I was in a luxury style class pretty recently. And the teacher said this amazing thing that was meant as kind of a joke but I was thinking about it for hours afterwards. He said, everybody it was, it was a really tough move. And everybody was like, you could tell that it was like a tangible, palpable everybody was just holding their breath trying to just push through this really hard exercise. And he said something like, you know, if you're choosing to, or he's like, “if you're holding your breath, you're choosing to die. Choose life! Choose life!”


Of course I kind of funny, right? But at the same time, I was like, I was so profound. Yeah. You're holding your breath. You're, you're choosing to die slowly, because the exhale is really what's going to support you through those hard movements. Not only in a workout class, but also through life. That exhale is so so so important.


So yeah, that is really stuck. with me for a while and I just love it. I love that visual as maybe morbid as it sounds, because it's really like It is a matter of life and death. truly, right. our breath is the first and last thing we do like I said, and it's I mean you can you can go deeper into that but it's, it's truly a spiritual practice, and it's also just a really practical practice.



[15:32] VL: Yeah, and even when I was teaching yoga more often we talked about breath as your lifeforce energy. That's exactly yeah, it's giving you life and you're right. I mean, it's, it's more of it's not even more, but it's real.


Is there a practice that we could perhaps start our day with, or something that we could integrate into a routine or a ritual that we have, that's something that we can do maybe in this moment together?


EB: Yeah, let's do it.


Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. Our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.


Again, there's so many different ones. And I always like to say to as sort of a caveat to people who are maybe just exploring their breath is that I know there's a lot of practitioners out there that say like, this is the breath that will support you in stress reduction, or this is the breath for XY and Z. but to just like a little reminder, and I know you teach this too, is that we're all unique. our nervous systems are very unique. And so what might be a breathwork pattern that is super relaxing for me might be super activating for you.


For more functional breath. So maybe actually let's inhale and exhale through the nose and just, let's just see how it feels.


[18:13] VL: Yeah. I’d love that, let’s do it.


EB: So getting into a nice relaxed position, shoulders back and down softening through the belly.


Don't worry too much about sort of posture and utilizing the diaphragm to come but let's just focus on the tempo of the breath slowing down the breaths, taking a nice, big inhale 2-3-4 And then exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7 inhale 2-3-4 exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8 more Inhale. 2-3-4, exhale 2-3-4-5-6-7-8.


And then just allow yourself to return back to normal breathing. And notice how that felt. Right? Again, it's what you were saying earlier, which is maybe that exhale, felt a little bit uncomfortable, but to really empty the belly fully and completely and feel a little bit challenging. And that's, yeah, how did that feel for you? 



VL: Yeah, I feel very centered.


I used to practice that breath all the time. And then I don't know I'm just out of practice from it. But it feels really good. I was a little worried because I mentioned to you before we hit record that I ate something spicy. My nose is a little bit stuffy. I blew my nose before so I was like, Oh crap. We're gonna talk about breathing and I can't breathe, right.


That was great. I actually could breathe through my nose really well. Yeah, it feels so good to consciously breathe. So my question is, how the heck am I supposed to do that when I'm not thinking about that?


EB: Yeah. So in my new, self paced mini course, I dive deep into a lot of different practices, and the sort of different pillars of functional breathing. And so it's sort of like, I equate it to going to the gym and learning how to you know, squatting 100 pounds so that you can pick up your groceries correctly, right? It's that functional movement piece. It's the same thing with functional breathing. So I give a step by step guide of exercises that you can do that are basically like muscle memory. So that you can begin to utilize those correctly, not only not breathing muscles, but also like through the nose and making sure that you're breathing in a way that is supportive.


When you're not thinking about it, and it's just you just naturally begin to like form this beautiful relationship with your breath where you awareness is, is there. so you're able to recognize oh crap, like, I haven't breathed in five minutes. Okay, I'm gonna return back to those functional breathing practices for even just a minute at a time.


And so it really becomes a mindfulness practice, this awareness of the breath, this relationship with the breath, so that you can return back again and again and again.


Similar people meditate. You know, you can really be aware of your thoughts as they're arising and you can choose to engage with them. or not. Similar to the breath you've become really aware of, oh, I'm breathing this way. and you can choose a more functional way.


And then of course, I have little tips and tricks in that course as well, so you know, make sure you're breathing correctly while you're sleeping. because we're not conscious at that point. What do you do then? and so it's, it's really fun, and it's an ongoing, lifelong thing and changes and it's a deep inquiry that I just love seeing how people perceive it and how people work with it and, again, everyone is so different, every nervous system, everybody is so different so it's been really fun to see how it evolves, for everyone.


[22:44] VL: Yeah, that's so cool. What a great resource for people to have. Where can they find it?


EB: Yeah, on my Instagram I have a little like, Link tree milkshakes thing with all my different resources. The course is called Breathe to live so definitely check that out my Instagram is Eliza b dot well and then, so that's probably the easiest way to find it. Yeah.


VL: Cool. Yeah, as you were saying that different breath breathwork practices. Everyone has their own way of connecting to it. It reminded me of when I did a scuba diving course in Honduras. And I actually was, it was actually really cool. But the first time I tried scuba diving was on a family trip to Mexico and it was really scary. When my family went we did like this little pool dive and then they're like, Okay, we're gonna go out and I'm like, This is not for me. I don't like this. But something made me want to do it again later. So I was about 17 and didn't get on that family trip. And then I was closer to 25 or 26 when I wanted to do it again. So almost 10 years later, I'm like something in me was just like, I'm going to take a scuba diving lesson. I'm going to do like open water course. And so I went to Honduras. On our first day, doing the dive there were four of us girls in the course and two of the girls were panicking. And they were having a really hard time and then me and the other member of our group. We were doing pretty well. And to be honest, I noticed very quickly that as we were descending into the water, my physical body was like whoa, whoa, whoa, we do not do this. We do not breathe underwater. This isn't what we are. This isn't us like we're not fish. We don't do this. And so I started to think I started to become a little bit more panicked and think like, oh my god, yeah, like, I'm not a real mermaid. I like to think that I'm a mermaid but I can't actually breathe underwater. And I remember telling myself like, through my meditation practice, as you mentioned, like those thoughts that come up, and kind of talking to myself because you can't say anything underwater. neither. you can't talk underwater and you can't breathe underwater. so you can't communicate your fears to people unless you're above the surface level. And so I'm talking to myself. And I'm saying, okay, like you wouldn't do this if it was that dangerous, and I have this apparatus that we've tested that I am using right now to buy.


Right now to breathe. And I would physically tell myself or physically do as I told myself freeze, and so I would say I'm inhaling and I would use that apparatus too. And it was mouth breathing too, which is also very unusual for myself but you can't breathe through your nose when you're scuba diving. So it was like relearning how to breathe. But I remember being like, Okay, I'm inhaling and when I take the biggest inhale I could. I am exhaling the same thing there. Yes. exhale through the mouth. I cut and I just kept doing that over and over. I'm inhaling and exhaling over and over again and watching the bubbles. And it really helped calm me down. I ended up staying for the whole course. And then taking an advanced scuba diving course because I loved it so much, but it became more of like a meditation for me, but it was really that breath piece that I had to overcome or center in with and honestly, it wasn't like a specific breathing breathwork technique because you can't really do anything fancy dancy underwater like that. It's simply just inhale, exhaling.


Slowly but it made the world of a difference because you can see how much of that nitrogen that you use underwater. When you come up to the surface. You can look at your well when you can look at it underwater too. But the owner of the course or the owner of the school that I was at was with us on that dive and he's like, Okay, well let me see your metrics. And so I showed him that I forgot what it's called. This is so bad. This was a while ago now. But I showed him my rating or whatever. And he was floored, like you've never done this before. And I was like no not really I've never seen before. And he was like, you have almost as much nitrogen in your tank than I do. And I teach this like I own the school. Like really? He's like, Yeah, you've got a really good breath capacity, I guess. And I was like, Oh, cool. We're gonna teach meditation. And yoga. Maybe that's Yeah, but it was. It was really a powerful tool. And like you said, it's something that we always have. And honestly, it was the only thing that I had at that moment. I didn't have a little trinket to rub my fingers with. It could be paint or jewelry, like, there isn't, you know, some people like a photo or a song that they play. like I didn't have any other things other than my breath. So yeah, I just wanted to share that story because I felt like it tied into what you're describing.


But my question for you is do you have a favorite breathwork practice? You don't have to, we don't have to do it right now. But do you have any favorites that are your go-tos? 


[28:30 ] EB: Yeah, well, I just want to say thank you for sharing that story. And what I really heard in that story is safety. Like, it is possible to find safety in the breath and that's exactly what you were saying and safety is really, you know, safety for the nervous system. That's like number one, for resilience and change. You know, we need to feel safe in these uncomfortable situations in order to change in order to grow in order to heal in order to, you know, look at our past in a reflective way that's not re-traumatizing and all of these things. And so, that piece Yeah, you're so right. We have these sort of safety things in our day to day life where there are sort of coping mechanisms, right. But we often don't recognize that the breath can be just as supportive and in creating that safety when you build that relationship to it.


So I love that story. Thank you for sharing. I forgot your question.


VL: I was wondering if you had any favorite breathwork practices or what to use? 


EB: Yep, yep, yep, yep.


Again, it's this beautiful, moment by moment relationship, and I'm grateful that I have a wealth of different breathing techniques and tools. But I will say like for my morning routine, I love utilizing the conscious connected breath which is the type of breathing I do with the breathwork journeying. And that is a more up regulating breathwork meaning it's, you know, designed to activate the nervous system a bit more. So I think that's kind of a cool thing about the breath too, right? We often think that the breath is just for relaxation, for more meditation, for that sort of safety that we were just talking about. But it can also be used for more upregulating activating certain things if and when you need it, which is super cool. And I am pretty tired in the morning. Often. I'm not the best morning person. So I like to utilize the conscious connected breath which is a more upregulating kind of continual breath for a few minutes. I usually do about 30 to 50 of those breaths to just kind of you know, get me into my body tap, tap into my well being I usually maybe put a song on and sort of breathe to the song that maybe I'll do some little movements to kind of get out any of that stuck energy or residual sort of tiredness from the morning.


So that is one of my favorite things to do in the morning. And then at night, I'll usually just do something similar to the one to breathe for 10 to 15 minutes, like while I'm in bed, reading like I don't even set a specific separate time to do it. I'll do it when I'm reading in bed. at night or something like that.


But, I mean, yeah, there's a lot of different ways I could answer that question.


[31:35] VL: Yeah, I guess it depends on the intention. Right. Like okay, what do I have in my toolkit? How do I feel? What is the connector there? 


Yeah, and I think you did that while you're reading I mean, it is something so powerful, yet so simple. We have it here. 


EB: One that's, that's what I found is it's almost a hard sell for a lot of people. Not that I'm really trying to sell people on the breath. I mean, people are breathing throughout the day, but I think a lot of us feel like we have a lot of complicated problems in our lives. And so therefore the solutions also need to be complicated, when in reality, it's like you can't solve a complicated problem with a complicated solution. Oftentimes when it comes to our well being and our health and ourselves and connection to self. And so it's almost like people think, okay, no, this is just too simple of a solution. like, no way can I support, years and years of suffering or problems or health issues or mental health issues with a simple thing as the breath, something that I do all the time, when in reality, it is that powerful and it can be that solution, or it can be that sort of starting point towards the solution, which is just awesome. And so when I'm able to sort of see and support people through that connection, and see how the rest of their healing unfolds, just from starting with the breath, it's like, my favorite thing ever. It's why I do what I do. 


[33:13] VL:  I love that. I know what you mean. That's like, small habits, right? Just yeah, consistently. It's really what's gonna be the difference between the breath and breathing. Right. It's doing it again and again. Yeah, I think a lot of people were, well, a lot of us and myself included. We're so used to that. instant delivery. We're so used to the instant download of the instant answer, whatever it is, you're looking for. Even Google when you Google something, it tells you how many point zero seconds it took to find that answer. Something to prove that. Yeah, that's really weird. But, you know, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna take this deep breath in and out. I'm not going to feel amazing instantly. And although yes, when I just practiced what you led me through a few minutes ago, I did feel a sense of calm. Do I feel like I've healed trauma…? No but I can see how, okay, if that was just what a few rounds of breath could make me feel like, can you imagine if I did that for longer or daily or that's how I woke up in the morning. Yeah, I can totally see that. 


EB: Exactly. It's a lifelong resource. It's a fun tool. As long as you're alive, we will be breathing And so yeah, it certainly doesn't happen overnight.


VL: Wow, this has been really, this has been a really cool conversation. I know that we could talk about this for hours and hours, and all the different layers of it, but I know that people can also connect with you so where can we find you. Where can we follow you, how can we support your business, you know, you mentioned your Instagram is a go-to spot?


Eliza Butler

Instagram @elizab.well

TikTok @elizab.well

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RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?


EB: I'm currently reading this super dense book on the polyvagal theory polyvagal theory attachment communication self regulation by Steven Porges all about polyvagal theory. It's great if you're really diving if you really want to dive into polyvagal theory which is that sort of nervous system regulation by a safety.


That's kind of what I'm consumed with currently. And the novel that I'm reading I usually do like one educational novel. The novel I'm reading right now is called Homegoing. Have you heard of it? No, I haven't. It's an incredibly beautiful, horrific kind of exploration in two generations of people starting from the Gold Coast on the Gold Coast in the slave trade and the relationships between the English and the native Africans there. and the history of all that but it's a beautiful sort of novel that I highly recommend.


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?


EB: I love this question. Empowerment means connection to self. It means being able to be connected with yourself while also finding belonging in others. It means taking responsibility for yourself and your life and recognizing that you and everybody is capable of that connection of belonging and ultimately healing.


I think and I mean, I dove deep into this with my work in integrative health and as a health coach, you know, oftentimes the medical system and this is a whole other conversation but the medical system doesn't support this idea that we are capable of our own healing. we need experts and experts and experts when in reality we really just need people who are willing to support us and willing to remind us that we are capable of our healing.


I think and I mean, I dove deep into this with my work in integrative health and as a health coach, you know, oftentimes the medical system and this is a whole other conversation but the medical system doesn't support this idea that we are capable of our own healing. we need experts and experts and experts when in reality we really just need people who are willing to support us and willing to remind us that we are capable of our healing.


3. What is your longest standing habit?


EB: Movement, movement. I grew up a really competitive hockey player, ice hockey player. And so I've always felt really, really lucky to always have this deep connection to movement as a form of self care.


yeah, I guess I'll just leave it there. Yeah, movement, daily, daily movement, whether it's yoga or actual, you know, hit classes or things like that. I've gotten really in touch with sort of what I need when I need it, and I'm grateful for that.


4. What are you currently working toward?


EB: I think I am always working towards and will always be working towards a deeper presence, a deeper acceptance to what is and allowing myself permission to fully embody my humaneness, which maybe sounds a little bit convoluted, but really just acceptance, Acceptance of self. always.


[40:51] VL: I'm so excited for you. Thank you so much for being on the show. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here. I love that we've been able to connect again and that we've been able to meet because you are such a beautiful light and honestly you give so much to your community that they want to to acknowledge you for showing up today means a lot to me and I know the listeners are gonna love this episodes. 


EB: Thank you. so it's been such a pleasure to reconnect with you and support you on your journey and feel that support from you and I'm just really grateful.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E204: I’m Tearing Apart My Business from the Backend, and I Have No Clue What’s Next
 
 

E204: I’m Tearing Apart My Business from the Backend, and I Have No Clue What’s Next

It has been only recently, maybe in the last few months, that I’ve realized that my pre-pandemic goals are SO NOT my current ones, and I woke up one day asking myself “what the hell am I even doing?” From that point, I decided to overhaul my entire coaching business and the demolition has been messy!


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[00:52] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. It goes without saying that many people around the world went through a huge shift from 2020-2022. And although life is moving at a quicker pace again with fewer restrictions, I find myself at a very unusual point in my life.


I think I spent the last two years doing so much pivoting, that I ended up spinning around and around and losing the one, most important piece of myself and my purpose. I lost my “true north.”


Your “True North” is entrepreneur speak for your “life’s purpose.” It’s why we do what we do. It’s what we’re really good at, and what we love. It’s how we’re of service to others. 


As someone who is multi-passionate, I struggle with labeling myself or niching my business, and I really saw that through these last two years as I was able to adapt and learn and grow in so many different ways that I never expected! 


I think there are so many wonderful benefits to being mutable and multi-passionate, and although I recognize this in myself, I can also see how this could be messy, and lack focus, and perhaps be confusing to people who are not familiar with my business and what I do.


[02:18] So maybe I’ll start there. As I mentioned, I am Valerie. I started this podcast almost four years ago and it’s only been this year where I really feel it “coming together.” That being said, I do see some changes happening with the podcast in the future, but I will save that announcement for another time – all good things I can assure you!


The start of my entrepreneurial journey was about nine years ago. I officially registered by business as a Wellness Educator. I chose this very broad label knowing full well that I am a woman of many interests and talents. At the time I was teaching yoga and hosting women’s workshops, which evolved into many other styles of fitness such as barre and pilates. 


Over the years I found myself obsessed with personal development and other areas of health like mindset, nutrition, sleep, and more! About five years ago I became a Certified Health Coach. Even though I achieved a certification it took me a couple more years from that to really step into that role (mindset work needed to be done!), and I coupled my fitness background and health coaching to empower women in making an impact in their communities. Hence the name of the women’s empowerment podcast – which started as a blog actually!


Since then the fitness side of my business has really blown up! I was teaching full time and although I love what I do, I know that doing it to the capacity I was, wasn’t sustainable for me physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. So I decided to invest in my personal and business growth and focus on building up my coaching business.


This phase was a lot of trial and error – and let me tell you: we’re still working on it! After reflecting on this side of my business and working with a business mentor, we built out my new website, and healthy habit coaching!


At the very beginning I was nervous about “niching myself” as a habit coach, however like my “wellness educator” title, habits are quite broad and I love that the clients I’m working with come to me for so many different things! 


This was actually a really great move with my business because it helped me elevate a little more and really got me excited about sharing information and education about healthy habits! Now people come to me as the expert, and I actually just recorded a Healthy Habits for Actors workshop! 


Healthy Habits for Actors Workshop (YouTube video coming soon)


I love that people are starting to associate healthy habits with myself, it’s really given me the opportunity to support and serve people in a meaningful way – and I never thought I would find a topic that I wouldn’t tire of! I love it so much!


Which brings me to where I’m at now. I still have two sides to my business, and I’ve actually purchased a brick and mortar pilates studio with my business partner. So now I really do have two very separate businesses. I’m also in the process of cleaning up the backend of my coaching business to have a seamless flow to it.


Before I get into what’s happening in the backend, I wanted to mention that I’m sharing all this with you because I’ve been in this industry for almost 10 years and it’s been a very inconsistent and ever-changing journey throughout. You may have already seen the meme about the entrepreneur’s path and it’s chaotic. There are a few different ones out there. 


Anyway, I was speaking with a close friend who is also at a turning point in her business and I was telling her about the mess I’ve made in the backend of my business and she said, “Oh really? You would never know that looking at the front end of your business.” And although I appreciate the surface looks organized, I also think it’s important to share the imperfections. Especially if you’re an entrepreneur - or a human being like me - sometimes we need to hear that it’s not as perfect as it may look!


That was actually some of the best advice I received as a new entrepreneur: Never judge the front end of someone else’s business to the backend of yours. There is SO MUCH people don’t share, we do not see all of the behind the scenes. And honestly most of it is so boring anyways LOL


[07:29] So I’ll try not to bore you with the backend of my business but here’s what I’m tearing apart:


  1. My Email List

In business your email list is gold! You want to treat it with care and keep building it. It’s the one thing you “own” and your main connection to your community. We don’t own any of the social platforms we’re on, so if Meta or TikTok or Google decides to end it one day, POOF! Gone are your followers/subscribers. 


My goal with this was to clean up my list by removing inactive subscribers, organizing the different groups, making sure all the automations were updated and things were clean and neat to support my current offerings. 


On Friday last week, I accidentally deleted all the groups, which cannot be undone, and that was horrible BUT the good news is I still have my contacts and it just makes everything a little more minimalist in this part of my business. OOPS! Live and learn!!


#2 My Socials

Gone are the days where I’m trying to keep up with constantly creating and posting on social media! On my list of demolitions is my Instagram page which I will soon be converting into what our last week’s guest Amanda Kohal calls an “INSTASITE” this is essentially a social landing page to my business, and if you want the details. check out last week’s episode:

Episode 203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses, and Everything in Between with Amanda Kohal


I do have TikTok, YouTube, and Pinterest and they are totally under utilized, the main reason being AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! However this is changing also! I plan on sharing strategic content on these platforms in the near future, and that excites me also!


I’m kind of thinking of this phase in my business as a “renovation” of sorts. I was explaining to a friend that I’m in the demolition phase, and although it’s messy, what we need before any renovations is a blueprint/plan!


Now, I’ll be honest, my blueprint is fuzzy, which is why the second half of this podcast title says “and I Have No Clue What’s Next” That to me is both scary and exciting. While my blueprint/plan is to streamline and solidify my systems, I’m not exactly sure where that will really take me next in my business and I think that’s okay! 


Especially because one of the systems I’m creating is that I’m doing more reflecting and analyzing in my business to keep things focused and smooth. I feel like - just like with trying to keep up with the instagram algorithm - it’s all output but there needs to be rest/reflection/and making sure we’re putting our energy where it’s best utilized.


#3 My Offerings 

This part of my business is ALMOST finished! I am excited to share that there are currently three ways to work with me as a Healthy Habit Mentor aka Health Coach, they are:


Make a Habit Mentorship program is my one-on-one coaching within a three month container. Together we create habits rooted in desired feelings, overcome limiting beliefs, unhelpful patterns and inconsistency, and stay excited with the habits that help you feel energized, confident, and healthier.


2. If consistency is what you’re striving for, and you are looking to build and stack habits with ongoing support, then the Healthy Habit Membership would be what you need. This is our group coaching offering to help you create new habits, routines, and rituals without adding to your already busy schedule. 


3. Lastly, we host a seasonal Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. This challenge runs live globally. It’s a lot of fun as all of us are building different habits together! Our next challenge runs in early 2023, but they are ongoing, so check out THIS LINK to join the waitlist for our upcoming challenges.


Since we’re talking about the backend… I am building out a more fluid and simple onboarding process for each of these as I’ve changed the software of these offerings recently so I’m moving everything from one software to another and that is a bit tedious and time consuming, but I am 80% complete so that is really awesome!


#4 My Lead Magnet

A popular strategy to growing your email list is with what’s called a lead magnet or opt-in, freebie, etc. And I do have a brand new guide that I am very excited to share with you! Also it’s completely free! You can now access my Build Better Habits Guide! This is a step-by-step guide to creating consistent habits that matter.


I am very proud of this guide as I have put a lot of effort into making it supportive and streamlined for you! The framework I’ve laid out in the guide is the same pathway I use with my 1:1 coaching clients and it’s a great foundation to beginning this journey of healthy habits on your own.


This new Build Better Habits Guide is part of my more simple systems in my business. I used to have three different lead magnets, then I had two, and now I just have one! YAY! 


I’m working with my business coach to help me with all of this and I have to say it’s been extremely helpful for me. 


Before taking on this business backend “renovation” I asked myself, “if I were to start my entrepreneur journey from scratch, what would I do differently? What would I do first?” and the immediate response was: hire a business coach.


But not just any coach! Someone you trust, and enjoy working with, and who has been where you’ve been and knows the answers to your questions. This was a big move and an investment, and maybe we can think of her as the contractor or project manager of the renovation (LOL) she has the expertise, I have the vision and together we make a great team!


[18:00] There are a few more parts of the backend of my business that I’m working through, and honestly sharing all of this feels a bit overwhelming so maybe we’ll talk about the other area details another time. I don’t even really know what those are going to be yet YIKES!


Probably/possible next steps and changes:

  1. Small website tweaks/updates

  2. Podcast thumbnail update – definitely need a new one of these

  3. Deleting my leadpages account – a little too expensive for what I’m using it for 

  4. Better schedule systems – booking times, time blocking, vacation planning, editorial calendar, etc.

  5. Podcast episodes – new show formats, perhaps a different release system TBD


I feel like this was a really different episode from what I’ve done in the past, and I’d love to hear what you thought of it! Send me a note on instagram @vallavignelife I really enjoy reading your messages.


Let me know if you liked this behind the scenes episode, if you’re excited for the changes, if you’ve checked out the guide yet, what’s happening in your businesses, anything and everything, I’m all ears!


Next week we’ve got a GREAT guest that I am excited to introduce! Until then, I want you to know that if you’ve got your own business and you’re finding it overwhelming, or frustrating, or challenging (1) you are not alone and (2) I can hold space for you if you want someone to chat with you need to share what you’re feeling and going through. 


Remember your “North Star” your purpose and build your blueprint and plan around this. You are here to do great things!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses and Everything In Between with Amanda Kohal
 
 

E203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses and Everything In Between with Amanda Kohal

Founder & CEO of the Wolfe Co. Amanda provides business owners with access to reputable resources, community connections and trusted guidance/education to start converting on social.

After working as a brand marketing manager in corporate, Amanda ventured on her own and took her love of digital marketing and ran with it. From helping clients earn $10k from just 2 Instagram stories, $77k from one DM and $28K social media launches, Amanda has turned many personal brands and service-based businesses into cash cows.

Her efforts have awarded her two RBC + Women of Influence nominations and a Bronze in the 2019 Canadian Marketing Associate awards in the Customer Experience category…


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[01:30] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you all to Amanda Kohall. And first and foremost I do want to say because I have a feeling that Amanda doesn't remember this, but I've actually met Amanda, I want to say four years ago in person at an event in Toronto. Amanda was one of the speakers at that event. And it was for the Toronto business babes. and Amanda came in and she was just about to get married. It was like, days before her wedding.


And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.


And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.


Amanda Kohal: I remember the event. And I remember being in a little bit of a state of panic. Like why did I sign up for this? It was I think two days before the week of the wedding, which is like, not a time to be doing those things, you know?


VL: Totally. And since then I've followed you on social media. I've watched you quit your corporate job and start off on your own and then new to Mexico and dope this crazy cold like community on social media. and I am one of your wolfies from your wolf membership.


And I think for me it was just like, again, watching how passionate you are about something but also seeing how you knew exactly what you're talking about because you had done it. And I think that really attracts me to people and wants me or makes me want to work with them more is because I'm like, Oh no, they've done it. And the other thing I'm gonna say because it just couldn't keep saying nice things about is that you really connect with people. Like you really get into conversations and not just like you know, double tapping and post and you're not just saying like, emojis on people's comments and social media, which all of us know that. So I just wanted to say like, thank you so much for all the help that you've done for me and for my social media and for my social platforms, and for being an inspiration to me and reminding me that like you actually, I have a really cool job and I love what I do too and helping me be that passionate because you're like the mirror or like you're someone that I am inspired by every day. So yeah, just want to share that with you. Welcome to the show! *laughs*



[04:33] AK: If they could only see your facial expressions right now. Like I'm the crying emoji right now, the watering of the eyes emoji. But I mean watching your journey has been not only inspiring to me too, but it's taught me a lot about the way people actually take action on, you know, lessons being taught and you're one of those people you always will implement stuff that works for you. but you do it almost immediately and consistent with it, which is just like a dream for anybody. who is teaching these topics. We just love to see it actually being put into action.


VL: Absolutely. So one of the I think I can think of one of the examples is you will do or you have done many training sessions on your Instagram, and mostly through stories you say like okay, here's the tip of the week or like, here's what we're focusing on this week. And I will watch those and I'll think about it for a moment like okay, how does that work for me? How does that work for my business? And I think the one specific example I can think of that I've definitely been consistent with is like numbering my stories. So you'll say that I learned that review. So if you have four stories, or 10 stories or two stories, you say like one out of 10 One out of two, one out of four, and it helps people tap through or like listen through because they're like, Oh, I know that expectation of okay, I'm gonna be here for, for 15 seconds. Right.


And I, I mean, I don't know if that specifically changed the engagement in my stories because it's hard to find the exact insight for that, but I will say that since since taking action on your tips I definitely have a little bit more of that cult like following and community and people are definitely really engaged in the conversations that I'm sharing, especially with stories and I know that I know that you like living in stories too. I love watching and following along.


[06:35] AK: I mean it's the first consistency though. And you hear that tip from anybody who talks about social media is just be consistent. Just show up. It's, you hear it so much that you kind of drown it out. But when you actually do it, it means everything and it takes you from point A to point Z quite quickly. If you can just be consistent. And I mean, the story is stuff. You know how I feel about online user experience and user experiences that are already really familiar, online. And that numbering of the stories is exactly that. So if you're ever taking a quiz online, you'll notice they have progressive forms, and they'll let you know that you're 10% done or 50% done to keep you going because you have that milestone you have that benchmark And in your head, your subconscious, you're just like, well, I might as well keep going. I'm halfway there or 75% or two more questions. So we're mimicking that behavior because it's super familiar. and when something's really familiar, people usually can relate to it and they can take action on it.


VL: I love that. And it's actually something that we do a lot with the Women's Empowerment Podcast and also with my coaching, it's like obviously, consistency with habits is really what's going to make the transformation but it's also about taking action and so with every single one of my podcast episodes, right before I start, I always asked myself I'm like, Okay, what's my intention for this episode and on top of the intention for the show, always it's, I want to inspire the listener to take action. And so when I have a guest on the show, as you know, we do a little pre-form. I asked you what something that people can take action on today or within the next 24 hours. Because really, that's where I've been so consistent with the show and actually someone asked me yesterday, they're like, how do you have this many, like downloads of your podcast because they have a podcast and I told them like, consistency was the big thing.


but also the intention behind it. so I know that you are in social media management and a lot of people that you work with are also in social media management. I am part of your community. I am in health coaching. so you do serve quite a few people. Can you talk a little bit about other people that you've worked with in other types of industries?


[09:10] AK: And I would say working with other social media managers and marketers, organically, it was never my intention. When you first started Social. They all tell you because they like gurus and you know, maybe even myself is find your niche. Find your audience who you actually want to get in front of. But the more that you create content and your content evolves as it should because your business is always evolving. You'll notice that the audience does too. And you'll find yourself in these really unexpected places that surprise you sometimes. So when I started to notice that influx of social media managers and marketers coming my way, I really had to take a step back. What is it about my content that's attracting? Because you see on Instagram, especially, you know, our social media manager listening to this, or you follow a lot of social media managers, you notice in the comment section, it's like 80 to 85% other people in social media, as opposed to that social media marketers, target audience, but there's no action being taken beyond the comment. 


Whereas then in in my community, I was helping the social media managers, you know, setting up their social media, teaching them some things that they might not have learned previous. and I really, really enjoyed it because I found that I could nerd out with them and we could talk about,you know, maybe, we could have that kind of war, which was really nice too.


It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.


It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.


A couple in the E commerce space, but I definitely don't claim to be an expert in E commerce, but primarily online service providers. And another little pocket of the community is influencers and content. Creators, which has been really interesting and actually a learning curve for me, because I run my business as a business account would, whereas a content creator influences or shows up online in a completely different way. It is like the most insane operation, the amount of work that goes into that content is another that we just don't see a lot of stuff. So the community is built up with quite a few people but wherever you happen to fall into that.


[12:25] VL: So glad you said that to how these different businesses run really differently in terms of like their social media and their content and how it's all done. And I've seen your evolution, I mean only in the last four years, which I feel like you've done a lot in the four years since you got married to moving to Mexico to move back home and and now you're renovating the home and all these things. but I've also been able to see the evolution of your membership and your offerings. and, you know, I don't even think you're on crap. What was that app that everyone was on, but it was like an audio app?


AK clubhouse house?


VL: Yeah! Does that still exist?


AK: It still exists and we think there's still opportunity over there. But again, like it peaked and then what happened? Yeah, we don't know. 


VL: I don't even know. But I don't even know if I still have it on my clock to check that later.


​​So I've seen but like you were there a lot of showing up and now you're more on Tiktok and Instagram and all these different things. So it's been really cool to see how you've been diving in how you've been trying things on how you've been sharing what you've learned and through your experiences. And I know as of late, and you kind of mentioned this briefly was like you run your account like a business, not a content creator. And I think a lot of people who are not really taking a step back look at the big picture. People who don't really understand the behavioral sciences or the behavioral patterns of people of the things we're talking about, like seeing the progress bar and all these little details and nuances that you understand. Everyone who's just on social media who's just constantly absorbing information they think they need to be there all the time and show up all the time and be commenting and liking and the Guru's air quotes again, are saying like, send eight people a message and make sure you're using 30 hashtags, but not this hashtag and do this and do that, under so many rules becomes really overwhelming. And I think as an online service provider it's exhausting trying to keep up with everything. So I want to know how do you balance it all? How do you have a healthy relationship with your social media with your business, but I know also too, because you show up a lot and talk about self care. So how does that happen for you?


[15:00] AK: What does that look like in your life?


It took a lot for me to get a healthy relationship with social media. As you can imagine, it was really hard for me because my job is social media. But I think where it really clicked for me was when I was in Mexico. So when we moved there, I was all excited. I started a TikTok account for me and my husband called the CO hauls. He agreed to be in some of the tiktoks which is, you know, if you know my husband that is a huge stuff that he hasn't since I only did that because you wanted to do it but I really hated it. So I was like, we're not going to make you do things that you hate because then this is like a situation for any money. So I got all excited. and whenever we worked it out, it became about I have to get content, even if it's behind the scenes, just the camera.


But it really took away from the experience. And every single day I felt this anxiety that started in my stomach and it moved up to my chest and it would give me these headaches, and I couldn't sleep and it was this horrible, horrible cycle of just anxiety about capturing content, instead of being in this beautiful place and we were so lucky to save a skate Canada at the time, because we were really on lockdown over here. And I just said to myself and to him one day I'm like, are we even having fun here? Like have we been really taken?


How lucky we are to be here and just what a crazy once in a lifetime experience. So I said at the content. We're not gonna focus on that anymore. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to stress myself. Oh. And what I found was when I finally made that decision to just you know, be in the moment, and any content that was posted was so much more authentic. And it was perceived so much better by the community. That was when this cult-like community, as you say, and as I've called my borderline. 


But we're not really. That's when it really started to take off. And I think it's because people can really see when you're passionate about something and when it's organic. You can tell if there's something that staged and you see it all over social media, in the comment section, people how many times did they have to film this to get the right reaction or you can totally tell that this is acting where they had to redo this moment. So that was like a big, big thing for me. And then as well, I got one of these time block things, literally a cube that you can get off of Amazon.


White Timer Cube

Black Timer Cube


And I would start to do kind of the Pomodoro method. I think it's called where I only give myself 30 minutes in the morning to do my engagement for example. 


Now, this hour in the morning, I go out to my car and I film all my tech talks for the day. Once that hour is done. Even if I've only done one TikTok that's it. Now I'm moving on to the next thing. It takes so much discipline, and of course consistency. But once you get in a groove, it becomes second nature. Like I woke up this morning, and I just was okay. Let's go to the car. Do the damn thing and then we're on to the next which is talking to you.


[19:00] VL: Wow, I did not know all of that. That's so cool! 


The Pomodoro method is similar. So the Pomodoro method is when you set a timer and it's called the Pomodoro method because there's a Pomodoro timer. That's why it's called that so it's it's 25 minutes of doing a task, followed by a five minute break. so you have to stop after 25 minutes and take a break. and then you can go back to a different task or the same task for another 25 minutes with a five minute break and you do that four times or four Pomodoro, so one Pomodoro is technically 30 minutes, but it's like what you're saying is really similar, I would probably, I don't know if there's a technical name for it but I probably just called time blocking.


But that's really interesting. What do you do when you hear the timer and you're like, oh when I'm so close. One more, or like I just need to finish like, what do you tell yourself in your brain is like No Don't stop. Keep going.


AK: I mean, if my mid sentence, because I'm writing something or you know, I'm recording it TikTok. I'm going to finish that but then it's done. 


I really tried to stick to that because, of course, being in Mexico. I didn't want to work 910 1216 hour days like I was doing before. So I had to give him the practice of sticking to this time zone or this time slot and I know that if you gave me eight hours to complete a task, I would take the full eight hours to do it. Really I would do in the last hour of the day.


But then there's seven hours that is just kind of wasted or you've started a task you haven't really completed anything.


​​So I said no more of that. Why don't I just give myself our maps for bigger tasks or sometimes night depending on what it is and see what I can get done. And I noticed little by little every day If I was you know consistent with that. I was getting projects done. And it gave me time to you know, spend outside in Mexico.


It gave me the time back to actually build the community and connect with the community. because we think when we're on social media, We just got to get the post out and then it's on to the next thing, But more important than you posting is you actually showing up and engaging with that content and engaging with the responses and reactions that people are having with that content because that's their interactions is what brings it to life. And what can you will new ideas and conversations and new relationships, it can break the ice, in most cases if you were nervous to reach out to somebody.


My whole method and approach to social. And this new approach that I'm sure we'll get into is about giving business owners the time so that they can spend their energy in the right places on social. And as it stands right now, especially for Instagram, it's not a place for you to be creating content for all day. Because the algorithm, then the outcome of the algorithm does not speak to the content creator, which is not organically it's just it doesn't.


It speaks to outcomes, building relationships, nurturing, I mean, look at their stories in their DMS, how interactive that speaks to community building, it also speaks to conversion. So we need to now put the energy in the right places, so we're not spending all day scrolling, drooling. feeling like I got nothing accomplished they're only made this one Instagram post and now.


[22:55] VL: Absolutely. And since I've been taking action on your methods, I rarely post. I mean, I think I posted something really silly last week, but it was because it was for fun.


but it really reached out to my community like the post wasn't for me. it wasn't for my business. It was like, I had so much fun. This is something I want to share with my people because I feel like I know all these people even though some of them I've never met in real life.


And there was a lot of interaction there was also like, Hey, I'm I'm going to try this next weekend or I'm going to do this too. I'm like, Oh my God, let me know how it goes. I really identically want to know how it works for you. Like share that with me now. You know, and it's been so cool because you might stumble upon my page and you're like, oh, yeah, like that's cool. She has a couple 1000 followers and she posts here and there but it's my stories where the magic is happening. It's the stories where people are like, replying or liking and engaging in the conversations are and other people don't see that. I almost feel like engaged in my stories that my posts. And I think it's partially because I built that. like I've I've invited people to reply, I've invited people to engage. I've invited people to tap into share and all these things.


And I'm obviously more consistent in stories too but it's such a cool break, social media just like so much more fun when you take out this. Oh, I have to do something for the algorithm or like I have to post three times a week and it has to be like this.


AK: ​​None of that. None of that. 


No and you're you hit on to the you're making it fun. Again, and when you are having fun, I swear. Anybody who's watching is having fun too. You can feel that it's not forced. You're not posting in those days. You're not getting caught up in. Did I use the right hashtags? Did I add a location tag? Do I have the right filter on this photo? And the checklist goes on? I swear. I love Instagram because you know it really builds my business with me but I figure it out. Like they messed us. And I think it's true to people who are into scoring other platforms because they almost have PTSD from creating for Instagram. But you don't have to do that anymore. You see it with this generation that Gen Z if they're posting on Instagram, which I think is like cringe for them or chugey or whatever the word it looks like. They've taken a disposable camera and they're almost posting like old school Facebook album style. with these photo doubts, right? it's just very in the moment. they're actually putting instead back and Instagram and moving away from this overly curated space because how can you connect with curated it's not real.



[26:22] VL: It's so true. It's like everyone says like, oh, Instagram is the highlight reel and I'm like it is and it's scary because no one wants to do that. Well not no one wants to do that. Like I do like the aesthetic. I love being creative on my account. However I do try to make it a little bit more organic than not and I did because I'm like okay, well I know my brand colors and that's just what I wear. And so then when I posted It's tight, it's now but it just so happens to also suit my brand.


I wanted to ask you one more question about your time blocking before I asked you about your new method and what you have going on. And for the time blocking I know you've talked about being disciplined with the time Yep, wrap up what you're doing, but like this is what you're giving, giving the time to. in terms of that. How are you prioritizing? like can maybe we see like or can you tell us about a day in the life. The calendar kind of looks like a time.


AK: Yes, we can. Okay, so I was just writing down the categories. I even have to remind myself sometimes but basically my work has a variety categorized into different pillars. so I've got my main work, My client work, the work, just my projects, content creation. And then, in real time.


So we’re going to rewrite the four hour workweek to be the five hour work day.


Usually, I like to get done at the same time. And then I've got active time slots in my calendar for clients because I used to officially in my day was so disrupted with okay, I thought, a nice like two hour slot for me to be created creative, and then the rest of the day is just catching day where it had and then like a half an hour in between the next get in a creative or doing any project work. So when I started my business, I said no more of that. I want to make sure that whatever task I'm doing at the time, that's the part of my brain that I'm using. So I'm not none of this back and forth. Because going back to what I said previously, you get in that habit then of starting a lot of stuff, but you're never really making any headway and you're never completing it. Because your brain is going in all these different directions of Wait, I gotta be a creator right now. Wait, I need to do my taxes week. 


We can't call it like it's just, it's too much all the time and we need to kind of scale it back a bit. I've got stuff a time slot for me, my projects. And these are usually big projects my content creation slot where you know, I'm setting up my camera and I'll give myself sometimes it's half an hour, but usually an hour and I say go. You want to film your tiktoks do it in this hour. usually have a loose idea of what I want to talk about that day. But again, I don't try to script it so much so that it comes off nonorganic and then I've got my in real time work. And my in real time work is anything where I need to present so this would be what we're doing right now considered in real time. Or when I'm engaging with my audience that's in real time. So I physically have to be present. there's no amount of automation that could ever replace that. So that's kind of how I'm breaking up my day in terms of what I'm doing. And I found that it's really really helped me stay on task. and it's also given me flexibility to enjoy, you know, the afternoon, no matter what season it is.


[31:00] VL: Yeah, that's what you're saying. All these things are like, oh my goodness, I need to start doing this too because the calendar is just getting booked and booked and booked and booked and I always try to say like, okay, Valerie, this is the week we're going to really be disciplined with those boundaries. and then someone says, Hey, can you do this make sure. hey, can you teach this class? Sure.


But, ya know, I really really liked this I'm going to, I'm going to try it. I'm gonna try to take action on it. 


AK: You have you found thought that you have patchy days right where you've done a lot in the day, but you feel like you haven't accomplished anything.


VL: Totally.


AK: Always drove me nuts because you're putting in a lot of energy but you're like, I feel like I don't even have that one thing checked off my list to say like I did this. I accomplished this today.


VL: Yeah, I find for me because I run two businesses and one of them is a brick and mortar business. And the other one is virtual and because the brick and mortar business is like that in real time, almost 90% of what I do for my brick and mortar business is in real time. So I'm teaching, I'm replying to emails. I'm setting up the schedule. I'm scheduling the teachers like all of these things for the Pilates studio. It's so exhausting, because it requires so much more energy for me to be in front of a room of people versus being in front of my phone and filming some tech talks. And by the end of that day, I'm like I just don't have it in me to show up to show up quote unquote, online. I mean, I can again reply to DMS and I can be present for that but like in terms of face to camera or trying to be creative for somebody I'm like forget it. Like here's a B roll of me laying on the couch scrolling.


AK: Those ones always perform the best. Literally anyone there I've just been lying there. I look like I don't even know what I look like. And they always perform the best. I mean, it's hard to get into the habits. You teach that so you know what once you can get in that groove.


And you're good to gang. You're good to go and you've got a foundation to go back on.


[33:28] VL:Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great!


AK: Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great.


But you know, it takes practice and I know that's not practical for every schedule, especially if you're working a nine to five still and then your side hustle is your five to nine whether that accompanies afterward, or work like you're gonna find the stuff that really works for you and if you are doing something that feels good. Make note of that and try to turn that into a habit, because I noticed when I sectioned off the different categories.


Man, it was just like a game changer for me. And I said this is how I can stick to a schedule because I've tried all that other stuff before and it made me more stressed out like the to-do list just became longer and longer. and like writing the to do list was added to the to do list so I knew I had a situation when that happened.


[35:20] VL: Oh yeah big time. I think the biggest thing for me is the to-do list stuff. Someone said If you spent as much time checking off the boxes and working on those tasks, as you did stressing about your to do list, you'd have half of those things done. And I was like oh yeah, that was a slap to the face I needed!


Okay, so tell us about this new method that you have created for business owners to really take back their time and be the business owner and not the content creator.


AK: Right. We may need a part two on this puppy but that's okay, there's all the information on my social media as well.


You know what I touched on it a little bit earlier. And it mainly came from two places. One was the entrepreneurs and business owners that I was working with. The common theme that kept coming up is I'm burnt out. I don't want to call my tech creator and have no time to work on my business.


Finding myself just scrolling on Instagram all day thinking what do I post? What do I do? So this really was the catalyst to me doing some more research and experimentation. And it was started to go deeper and deeper into algorithms of you know, some of the top platforms, so Instagram being one TikTok of course, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and I really wanted to look at what outcomes do each of these platforms serve? 


And in this research, I realized, Holy Hannah, Instagram doesn't even show my content to more than 10% of people who are already following me. And that was like a huge, I guess like red flag or trigger in my mind of this isn't a platform for content creators because a content creators primary goal is to get mass organic reach. You don't get on Instagram, expecting to get a lot of reach on Instagram, especially if you're not already an established is like buying tickets to a basketball game and then expecting to see a football game when you get there. It makes no sense. But we're on this hamster wheel I got a crate for Instagram I got a crate for Instagram. With algorithm doesn't even reward that type of behavior, but it does reward building a community. It does reward cultivating impact and converting. So why don't we put that energy over on Instagram? 


And then if you still are like, I want to create content still I still want to have some energy and maybe it's the hour a day that you're creating content. Do that on a platform that is built for content creators that actually had the outcome of mass reach. So a lot of people seeing your content, and right now that's Tik Tok. We could also put YouTube in that category. We could also put LinkedIn LinkedIn has fantastic reach on their platform. Create for the spaces that are meant for creators, and then save your energy to build relationships and spaces that were meant for building communities like Instagram. 


So Instagram basically has an identity crisis. They don't even know what their zone of genius is. they keep trying to you know, copy TikTok when they've got this beautiful stories experience. it's superior to any other platform I need TikTok hasn't fixed their stories yet. and their DMS like the DMS are full. I can voice No and an Instagram DM I can send you a video no Instagram DM, I can't do that over on Tiktok.


VL: Yeah, I think you've really hit the nail on the head with this because even just hearing it for the first time I felt this instant relief like oh my god, I don't need to keep creating and it's like, it's embarrassing. It's annoying. It's sad when you post something that takes all this time to create, like what you thought was beautiful and curated, but also really organic and not very organic, but authentic. And then you post it and you get like three likes on it or like 100 views on your reel and you're like, What the hell is gold baby? And you're like, what the heck Instagram? I just can't do this anymore. Meanwhile, I show up on Tik Tok like once a week, which I know it's not, that's not as many times as Tik Tok.


But I still get more views on Tik Tok, which I hardly ever go on anyway!


AK: Okay, so, TikTok though is the reason why you get that mass reach is because TikToks algorithm shows your content to 85 to 90% of people who aren't following you strangers. So even if you're posting once a week, you can ensure that the majority of people who are seeing that content, even if it's 185 to 90% of them, have no idea of who you are and who your brand is, and this is why it's such a powerful channel. It can give a taste of your brand. And now we drive them over from TikTok to your Instagram, which has those deeper dives or the community in there with you using stories or if you set up your Instagram page like a website because that's also a part of this method is treating your feed like a website answers every single question that you would ever find over there, the WHO THE what the when the where the how, yada yada yada. So if you treat it like that, you're going to spend less time on that hamster wheel and more time actually moving forward in your business



VL: Now since you said that I've seen more and more people who treat their Instagram like a website and funnily enough, that's how I search for businesses. It's either like on Google Maps, if it's a brick and mortar, or I'm searching on Instagram and even those brick and mortar businesses. I'm also looking at their Instagram because I want to see the pictures. I want to see the stories I want to see who's sharing who's posting who's doing those things. So it's it makes so much sense that you say that and I'm really glad that you're on this journey right now and that you're sharing this method. So where can we find you as well as more information? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business?


WEBSITE | www.wolfeacademy.co 

IG | @thewolfe.co 

TT | @amandakohal 


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

AK: Okay, my favorite book is Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid. And the thing I love about her books is she takes certain characters and sprinkles them throughout her books in some sort of fashion. It's a fantastic book. 

Right now I am finishing up a book called Because Internet [by Gretchen McCulloch] and it's about the language of online communities which all business owners need to listen to. This book will teach you more about having an online business than any course. 

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

AK: Doing things on your own terms. I mean, you know my story. It's coming from a corporate background where there was a lot of red tape. I never felt empowered to explore my creativity or explore what could happen if I broke a rule and I say that in quotations. but now with this business, I truly feel empowered to do that. and it's like through those mistakes that I've learned the best lessons and the business has evolved in a way that I could never even imagined before.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

AK: The longest standing habit is morning walks. I'd have to say so every morning, my husband and I will make our coffee and we make mugs not traveling mugs, okay like actual mugs, Ceramic, Porcelain, whatever. and we go for our half an hour to 45 minute walk every morning.

4. What are you currently working toward?

AK: I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. Get me to talk. I could do that all day but the writing I'm finding it a challenge but I'm really enjoying it. and I'm just so excited for it to hit the Amazon ebook streets at some point.

VL: That's so exciting. I cannot wait to see that and read it and I'm sure I'm sure you're a great writer. I always like those books though. Where it feels more like someone's telling you a story or explaining something to you because it just flows better and you're like, Oh, I get it. I don't need this fancy lingo to understand a concept that you're trying to share. So I'm sure it's gonna be great. Everything that you do, has such a magic flair to it. 


And on that note, I want to say thank you so much again for being on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. You're an absolute joy to follow and be taught by. I really, really, really love learning from you. And again, I'm just really excited for all the other things that are coming through. And I haven't started on my new Instagram grid yet, but I am considering it because it feels a little out of my comfort zone. but it also feels like it makes sense to me. So you will see and hear about that soon, I'm sure.

Yeah, thanks so much. This was great! 

AK: Thanks for having me and we can talk about your grid. so don't worry, plenty of time for that.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E202: Three Ways to Elevate Your Habits
 
 

E202: Three Ways to Elevate Your Habits

If you’re experiencing a plateau in your current habits, then perhaps it’s time to elevate! If you need to take things to the next level, but you’re not yet sure what that is… Keep listening because this episode is for YOU!


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[00:42] Story Time

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. A little over a month ago, my partner and I visited Mont Tremblant, Quebec. Neither of us had been there before - well technically I have but not in the summertime. Anyway! We were walking in Old Tremblant when we decided to sit down on a bench by the river. While we were there we saw a young girl on her sailboat, and near where we were sitting on the dock, were her dad and her two brothers wrapped up in blankets.


I didn’t think much of our surroundings at first, but as we watched the girl on her sailboat I noticed a few things. I could see that the dad was communicating with her through a walkie-talkie or something. We could hear that he was talking and it sounded like directions or cues but I can’t say for sure. She almost tipped the boat a few times and it was really cool to watch her changing the sail and ducking under it and all that. I’ve never sailed before or really sat down to watch anyone sail before, so it was pretty neat. 


When she came back she shouted, "How did I do? What was my time?!"


The middle brother shouted back that her time was under five minutes. 


I guess that was good because she replied, "Haha I bet you can't beat that!"


And the middle brother said, "Yeah I can! I can do better, I can beat that time!"


And the little brother said, "I was cheering for you! Did you hear me? I was cheering you on! YA!"


For the rest of the day I kept thinking about this family and this dynamic. I couldn’t get them out of my mind! While my partner and I were making a fire later that evening I realized that this family interaction and these different energies are the combination that we need to push ourselves to get better and to support us with what we're working on.


We need The Challenger (middle brother) to push us so we can understand our limits and grow out of our comfort zone.


We need The Cheerleader (little brother) to encourage us and keep us accountable.


And we need The Charter (dad) to track us, measure our goals, and keep us moving in the right direction.


After hearing about each of these energies in this family dynamic, which of them do you need to elevate your habits and goals?


Perhaps you are ready to raise the bar higher, then you’ll need the challenger.


Maybe you’re in need of more encouragement, so you’ll need the cheerleader.


And if you aren’t sure what direction you’re in, or where on the path you are, then you’ll need the charter.


[04:20] Flowers Need Fertilizer 

Since habits take time, there comes a point where you feel like you're plateauing, but really you’re making invisible changes. Just like when you plant a seed. You place it in the sun, and water it. But you don’t actually see the seed grow, at least not yet! It takes time for the seed to sprout. And when it does, it’s still a tiny sprout that hasn’t yet blossomed into a blooming flower yet! There is still more transformation to come!


This part of your growth - the part where you’re watering, and getting lots of sun - it feels tough because you aren’t seeing the results. The people around you aren’t noticing them either. But they ARE happening, and you need to have faith.


Many times the consistency and perseverance through this phase is what makes or breaks your habits. All too often we give up because we aren’t feeling like the effort is enough.


In my Healthy Habit Coaching programs, I work with you to uncover where you are in your journey and together we understand what it is you need to get to the next stage of your journey. You can think of it like the fertilizer for your seed. It’s not what makes you grow, and of course flowers and plants grow all the time without it, however it can be very helpful for the health of the plant, as well as the speed at which it grows when it has the support of quality fertilizer!


For more customized support, the Make a Habit Mentorship program is my one-on-one coaching within a three month container. Together we create habits rooted in desired feelings, overcome limiting beliefs, unhelpful patterns and inconsistency, and stay excited with the habits that help you feel energized, confident, and healthier.


If consistency is what you’re striving for, and you are looking to build and stack habits with ongoing support, then the Healthy Habit Membership would be what you need. This is our group coaching offering to help you create new habits, routines, and rituals without adding to your already busy schedule. 


Lastly, we host a seasonal Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. This challenge runs live globally. It’s a lot of fun as all of us are building different habits together! Our next challenge runs in early 2023, but they are ongoing, so check out THIS LINK to join the waitlist for our upcoming challenges.



There is one other option to elevating your habits, and that is the DIY route. This is a very great option if you’ve got the discipline and the focus to keep moving forward. And because you’re a listener to this podcast, I have faith that you ARE someone who takes action and strives for progress. 


[08:00] The Challenger

If it feels like time for you to raise the bar, and your focus is on “the challenger” energy, here are your best next steps:

1. Write out your goal


2. What would make this goal a LITTLE BIT scarier?


Sometimes this is quantity. If your goal is to walk 10k steps a day, maybe you increase it to 12 or 15k steps daily.


Sometimes it’s timing. You want to create work-life balance this month.. Maybe you shorten the timeline to this week!


As a bonus, another great episode to support you with this is Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success.



[08:58] The Cheerleader

If you’re in need for more encouragement when it comes to elevating your habits, then “the cheerleader” energy is what you need. Here are your next steps:


1. Start a self-love/gratitude journal today! Write down 1-3 things about yourself that you are grateful for every-single-day.


This is, in a way, its own habit. However it WILL elevate your life 100% and will give you the positive power to succeed.


If you’ve decided to add or create multiple habits at once, focus on how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved so far.


2. Reach out to a friend who can give you the best pep talk. The friend that will remind you of how far you’ve come; the mountains you’ve already climbed; and the times you’ve already won.


Lastly, another helpful podcast episode for cultivating this cheerleader energy is, Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk



[10:05] The Charter

Of course, our last energy is “the charter.” When I think of this one, I remind myself that what gets measured, gets moved. In other words: track your progress. This method will really depend on what exactly your goal is. For everyone, it’s best to keep it as simple as possible.


If your habit can be automatically tracked, that is a bonus! Then all you have to do is check in with your app or automatic tracker every so often to manage your progress. Otherwise, a simple pen and paper does the trick. I have a new Achieve Planner, and I’ve written out a few habits that I want to track each month where I manually track my progress. Checking the box is almost as satisfying as the habits themselves!


Of course, I have a complimenting podcast for this one too! Episode 156: 6 Productivity Solutions You Need to Know


Okay you’ve got your next steps, and you’re ready to grow! Don’t give up on your current habits, routines, and rituals – you’ve got this!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E201: Occupational Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Seven of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E201: Occupational Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Seven of The Science & The Spiritual Series

The Science & The Spiritual series finale! Thank you for making these seven episodes so fun and informative! The information and tools shared in these episodes could be a paid course! WOW! Enjoy…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:28] Welcome back to the Science & the Spiritual Series here on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. This is part seven of seven! As we wrap up this incredibly informative series, I wanted to give one more thank you to Ceri who inspired this series when she requested similar topics to what we’re talking about today and on the other six parts of the show!


If this is the first time you’re listening to the podcast or the series, WELCOME! It is a pleasure to have you here. 


In this series we are discussing habits that fall under the seven dimensions of wellness. These dimensions are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational.


Each episode focuses on one of the seven dimensions. Within each episode I have chosen two to three habits to elaborate on and use as examples for building out this area of wellness. Also, each of the episodes talks about different tools that are either scientific or spiritual in nature. 


And while each episode is part of the series, they are all completely different! We are not going over the same tools, or concepts more than once in the series, so if you haven’t listened to the other episodes yet, I highly encourage you to!


When we introduce the occupational dimension of wellness, we’re talking about “preparing and making use of your gifts, skills, and talents in order to gain purpose, happiness, and enrichment in your life.” (source


Developing occupational wellness, more specifically occupational satisfaction, we are talking about your attitude as it relates to your work. This is important because achieving and maintaining optimal occupational wellness and a positive attitude leads to a better experience, pleasure and commitment to your job making it more than a job, but a purpose. It makes it more rewarding and meaningful.


The three “habit” examples for today’s episode are:

  1. Create a vision for your future

  2. Choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents

  3. Be open to change and learn new skills

I know these habits aren’t as simple or obvious as “drink a sufficient amount of water daily.” But the truth is, our vocational health IS a lot more complicated, and it’s also something very personal. 


With that being said, if this is an area of wellness that you are looking for more customized support with, I would love to invite you to connect with me further to see if my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program is a good fit for you. 


You can go to my website for more details and connect me there. 


[03:41] Occupational Habits: The Science 

I mentioned earlier that no two episodes of this series are alike, and I wanted to share a quick recap of the science parts of this show with you in this last episode.


In episode one we deep dive into the power of WHY and the scientific benefits of doing, and not doing, our habits.

Episode 189: Physical Habits


In episode two, we learn about different brainwaves and how to reach a balance between them for optimized growth, expansion, and lifestyle.

Episode 190: Emotional Habits


In episode three, we discover what self-directed neuroplasticity is and how to use the Habit Loop to create habits.

Episode 192: Intellectual Habits


In episode four, we break down the meaning and function of motivation with behavioural science.

Episode 195: Social Habits


In episode five, we looked at what it actually means to form a habit in the brain as our personality becomes our personal reality.

Episode 196: Spiritual Habits


And in episode six, we learned about the functions of the three brains and how they help us create and maintain habits.

Episode 198: Environmental Habits

In today’s episode… We’ll cover solutions for finding the best method to creating and maintaining your specific goals. [WORKING]


The tricky thing I’ve learned about the science of habits, is that there are SO MANY SOLUTIONS. Everyone is looking for the one magic potion, or the one single formula that changes any habit – but the truth is… there isn’t one single formula. In fact, there are thousands! And really we’ve covered 6 of them in this series so far. 


Here’s what we know for sure:

  • There isn’t one avenue to health

  • There isn’t one solution to a problem

  • There isn’t one method or formula to create a habit


Every human being is unique and wonderful in their own way. We all behave differently and have different goals. Because we are ever-changing, we’ll need to experiment with different habits ourselves to make them stick.


Something to keep in mind through your experiment is the reason why habits emerge. It’s simple: habits emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to work more efficiently. It’s about survival and comfort. 


So when you’re creating a new habit, you want to make sure you keep things extra simple, at least to start!


Let’s use our first example to break this down more. Our first occupational habit is to create a vision for your future. What methods of planning, preparing, imagining do you already use?


Meditation: meditate on the vision for your future. Picture it vividly.

Journaling: write out the vision for your future, spare no details.

Crafting: get out the magazines, scissors, and glue and craft a vision board for your future – I do this on my phone using images I’ve saved from pinterest. 


Use the tools or practices that work best for you. Not doing any of these yet? Choose one and experiment. To make this an ongoing habit, consider how far in advance “your future” is to you. Perhaps you have 1, 3, and 5 year goals. You can revisit this vision for your future monthly, yearly, or even weekly if the time frame is shorter. 


When you’re creating a vision for your future, you’ll want to focus on “what is possible” and in your meditation, journaling, or vision boarding, make sure to think, write, and create “in the present moment.”


Another important thing to know about our existing habits, is that when the behaviour becomes a habit, the brain stops fully participating in the decision making process. Meaning it stops working so hard since the routines and habits are unfolding automatically. This obviously makes our brains work more efficiently, but it’s also why breaking a bad habit can be so challenging. 


Let’s use our second example for this part. Our second vocational or occupational habit is to choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents.


This habit, in my opinion, requires an ongoing relationship with the self. Firstly, to choose a career that compliments interests, personality, and talents, you’ll need to know what those are. And again, we’re experimenting. Perhaps our habit should be that we’re always experimenting… hmm. I think I’m having an epiphany LOL!


A.B.E.: Always Be Experimenting. Try new things, develop your interests. Relisten to part five of this series to learn more about personality and habits, and of course discover and develop your talents through experimentation and practice! 

Episode 196: Spiritual Habits


Let experimenting be fun! Be a “YES” person for a little while and see what cool activities or places you’re invited to. You never know what you will learn or discover – even about yourself!


Although I believe self-discovery is an ongoing journey, I do believe that with enough play and experimentation, you will discover an interest, talent, or a few! In that case, get in the practice of building on your strengths and interests making these part of your new routines.


When you know these parts about yourself, you’ll be able to better choose a career that suits your interests, personality, and talents. I think all too often people end up in jobs they don’t love, or worse, positions they hate all because of the fact that our brain is choosing the easy route. So then you get in the habit of hating your job and then dreading each day, and well it becomes a horrible vicious loop. And unfortunately a lot of people are trapped in it. But you don’t have to be! Free yourself and reconnect to you!


And on that note, another thing we need to understand about forming a new habit, is that more often than not making a new habit means breaking an old one. More importantly, we need to believe that change IS POSSIBLE. Without belief, we’re S.O.L.!


Our third occupational wellness habit is to be open to change and learn new skills. I like this habit to specifically talk about believing in change, because this habit doesn’t start with the belief. It actually starts with openness. 


It reminds me of Dr. Seuss' story “Green Eggs and Ham.” Sam I Am is all about the green eggs and ham, and the whole story he’s trying to convince the antagonist to try these dang green foods. But said antagonist is totally closed off and will not have any of it. You’re familiar with the story I’m sure! Anyhow, eventually Sam I Am is relieved and excited because the antagonist tries the green eggs and ham and LOVES IT! But he wouldn’t have discovered this unless he had been open to trying it in the first place, that’s all this is about, trying/experimenting/learning/discovering. 


In total honesty I resist change all the time. We’re human, we all do. But there are a few examples of things that have really changed the way I do things because I tried:


On the theme of our green eggs and ham, I drink greens in the morning. I don’t love greens powder, however after about 6 months of this morning routine, I am starting to enjoy them more and also I really love how my body feels now that I’ve been consistent.


Another example is the photo cheque deposit function on my banking app. Learning something new can be annoying just because you’re not totally sure how it’s going to go and I’ve got to tell you, I LOVE THIS FUNCTION. I don’t even use it that much anymore but I used to a lot and it’s the greatest. 


Lastly, I have been avoiding making a new business card like the plague because I want a QR code on it and I had no idea how to do that. I have been told it’s simple but I still have to do the research to figure out how to do this. It’s embarrassingly easy and took me less than 5 minutes. 


One of the things I like to experiment with is more woo-ey type of modalities and methods, which brings us to the spiritual part of today’s episode 


[13:08] Occupational Habits: The Spiritual 

For this series I’ve been sharing different crystals and essential oils for each of the dimensions of wellness. There are a lot of these that can be used for each different area of wellness but I wanted to make each episode different so I don’t repeat any of the oils or crystals!


As a reminder, our three occupational wellness habits are:

  1. Create a vision for your future

  2. Choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents

  3. Be open to change and learn new skills


While I do believe they are all different, they also have a lot of similarities and I’ve compiled four crystals and five essential oils that could be used in combination with each other and since we’re talking about experimentation in this episode, I’d like to invite you to listen the the selection and choose one you feel called to, or perhaps start with the first few and see what works for you!


Alright, I found these crystals on the goop website, so here’s what I’ve learned… (source


Pyrite

This crystal looks like and is also called ‘fools gold’ and is associated with attracting money and wealth into your life. Use this crystal to help you focus on bringing opportunities to fruition.


Tourmalinated Quartz

“If you’re feeling stuck, use tourmaline quartz to help break through writer’s block/ Meditate briefly on the protective energy of black tourmaline and the clarity of clear quartz to help clear your mind and release the negativity that is holding you back.”


Chrysoprase

“When fostering relationships and making connections, use chrysoprase to help focus on heighting your social skills.” This crystal is associated with strengthening your authenticity, opening your heart, and supporting heartfelt communication “so you can connect on a deeper level with those around you.”


Chrysocolla

This is a great crystal for motivation and initiating new projects. “It inspires a fresh perspective and stimulates ideas so you can take a concept and run with it.”



As for essential oils, I’ve selected ones I thought would be excellent for any business owner, entrepreneur, and anyone searching for more purpose and meaning in the work that they do.


Litsea the oil of Manifestation

This oil helps us follow our inspiration and urges. It helps us trust our intuition and act with confidence on the information we have.


Wild Orange the oil of Abundance

This oil inspires abundance, fosters creativity, and supports a positive mood. It teaches people to give without thought of compensation and know that in nature there is enough to go around. It also assists in individual natural creativeness. 


Ginger the oil of Empowerment

This essential oil helps people be fully present and participate in life. Using this oil empowers people to take responsibility and infuses a warrior-like mentality based on integrity, personal responsibility and individual choice. 


Coriander the oil of Integrity

This oil reminds people that there is more than one way to do something, and that fitting in often requires betraying the True Self. This oil of integrity, specifically integrity with oneself, moves us to a space of honoring and living from the True Self by giving us the courage to step out of the box and risking being who one really is. 


Clove the oil of Boundaries

This essential oil helps us let go of the victim mentality and helps them stand up for themselves, be proactive, and feel capable of making their own choices. 


Okay, well! I think you’re all set with the several different tools you need to help you incorporate these and several other types of habits. You’re ready to experiment and create new behaviours, rituals, routines, and habits!


If you are looking for customized support with your habits, I’d love to invite you into my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program and work with you in creating the new routines that will help elevate and improve all areas of your life!


That is a wrap on our seven part series for Types of Habits and How to Incorporate them in Science and The Spiritual Series! Take care for now!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E200: Ask Me ANYTHING!
 
 

E200: Ask Me ANYTHING!

Celebrating 200+ episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast answering your questions!

Thank you for submitting these.

CHEERS to the next 200 episodes to come!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:28] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Today is episode 200. Can you believe it!!!? 


WOW!


From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for listening to the show. Thank you for your reviews, for sharing your favourite episodes, for sending me emails and DMs and texts telling me how you’ve been impacted by these episodes.


It means THE WORLD TO ME!


And I actually hadn’t realized that I wasn’t able to see podcast reviews from other countries, so one of my lovely american friends just sent me some screenshots of reviews from the US and I wanted to share one of them with you from Al’s


It is titled Wonderful and Uplifting

“I stumbled upon this podcast during my healing journey and in search of some inspiration, information, and peace. Wow… not only does Val’s very calming voice bring forth an extremely peaceful presence to her podcasts, but her knowledge on such a vast majority of things related to health and wellness makes listening to her podcasts really beneficial. She provides detailed show notes for each episode along with so many helpful free things! Her generosity and sincere willingness to help others speaks volumes. I learn so much from her and am able to apply the golden nuggets she shares into my daily life, which has greatly impacted me in such a positive way. I always feel refreshed and very peaceful after listening to her! Thank you Val for being such a bright beautiful light in this world!”


This is so heartwarming to read, Al thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it truly means so much to me.


If you’re listening now and feel called to write an honest review, I invite you to go to Apple Podcasts and leave one there. Please screenshot your review and send it to me hello@valerielavignelife.com so I can see it and thank you personally.

To celebrate this community and the 200th episode, I’ve been inviting my email list, as well as social media followers to Ask Me ANYTHING and I will answer the questions on today’s show! We’ve collected 10 questions from you, with no theme in mind so we’re kind of all over the place today, but I think we’re going to have a lot of fun!


Let’s start with…




1. [03:40] Jana: Do you ever go back and listen to the early episodes?

Thank you Jana for this great question. I have gone back to listen to a few episodes. It’s pretty neat to see how the show has evolved. For those of you who don’t know, the Women’s Empowerment Podcast used to be a LIVE show on Instagram & Facebook that I would record every Wednesday at noon.


One of the reasons for this was because I had no idea how to start a podcast yet – the technical side anyway, so I gave myself 5 weeks of live shows and in that time I sorted out the tech. I saved the videos from those 5 live shows and used the audio from them to create the first 5 episodes of the podcast!


The videos still live on my YouTube page, but they weren’t performing so well so I decided to continue with the podcast and let the videos go.


That being said, I have an idea for an episode as part of an anniversary episode so to speak. I don’t want to give too much away but, for fun I was going to watch/listen to the very first live episode of the show and film my reaction because I remember being so nervous and I think it would be so cool to see that version of me now and look back on that growth of myself as well as the podcast. 


2. [05:04] Jenny: How do you establish a good sex routine if you’re single?

Thank you Jenny for this random question hahaha – we had a good laugh in the DMs. So I will add a disclaimer that I am not a sex therapist nor an expert in this feild whatsoever! 


But I did say that I would answer any/all of your questions so, my advice would be… establish an intimate relationship with yourself. Get to know yourself sexually. What you like, what you don’t. And once you feel deeply connected with yourself, you will have a better understanding of what a “good sex routine” means for you both solo and in partnership with another. 


I can also recommend the ever so wonderful Vivian Kan to help you with better understanding yourself and your partner(s). 

Mindful Intimacy Instagram

Our next question comes from Jess:

3. [06:10] Jess: What habit do you find people have the hardest time to stick to? What’s your tip for this habit?

Great question Jess! Thank you so much for submitting this one. Truthfully, the habits people have the hardest time sticking to are the ones that they don’t actually want to do.


For example, they saw a TikTok that starting your morning routine with xyz would be super beneficial to their health but they aren’t morning people and don’t care to be.


Or they know they need less screen time before bed, however this hour of downtime scrolling Instagram or watching YouTube videos are what really helps them transition from their stressful day so it makes it a lot harder to “give up.” Remember that our bad habits make us feel good, which is usually why they can be the hardest to break!


I’m not saying people who like to sleep in can’t be morning people, or that if you want to ditch a bad habit it will feel impossible. Not at all! 


Anyone can do and be absolutely anything that they desire. But without the desire… it’s going to be a lot more difficult, and more frustrating to create.


On that note, my tip for this would be to FOCUS ON FEELING. How do you want to feel? Your feeling word is foundational to your new behaviours and routines. Having the roots of your desired feeling allows you to grow your habits in a way that aligns with YOU!


For example, if your desired feeling is “energized” – you could add in a cold shower upon waking, or perhaps getting outside with some sunlight on your skin and eyes in the morning. Knowing that this is energizing to your body.


Perhaps your feeling word is “calm” – you could adjust your evening screen time from one hour to half an hour, and spend the second half hour reading, or taking a relaxing bath, or meditating before bed. Knowing that this change in routine is helping you feel calm.


So before you say you’re going to start a new habit, ask yourself: HOW you want to feel? It will be your foundation at the start, and motivation as you continue to grow and build the new behaviour.


If you or someone you know is struggling with creating and sticking to healthy habits and routines, I have a three month intimate container to support you in your customized habits in my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program. There are a few spots available for the fall, and I have new spots opening up every season.

Our fourth question comes from my cousin!

4. [09:09] Lisa: Anxiety. How do you handle it? New strategies for a pivoting world?

Thank you for your question Lisa, this is another great one! I’m not sure if any of these would be considered “new'' strategies, but they have worked for me in the past.


I always approach health HOLISTICALLY and also getting to the root causes of the anxious feelings. Yes there are little things we can do in the meantime, however the deep healing comes when we understand the deeper cause. 


I know not everyone’s situation is the same, and not everyone can completely heal deeper roots for unique reasons, so having supportive habits, routines, and rituals can be helpful as well. 


I like that you mention a “pivoting world” because truthfully the only constant is change, and knowing this we can use the consistency of our routines and rituals to ground us in an ever-changing and pivoting world.  Another key point to remember here is that we build healthy habits and behaviours when we are in a more neutral or calm state, and they support us through the anxious times.


I noticed this a lot through 2020-2022 when I experienced some of my lowest lows mentally, emotionally, even physically - definitely spiritually! The things I always came back to were some of the most simple practices that just kept me going through those years. It felt very heavy and very hard but the small practices gave me purpose and consistency, and the constant I was searching for. 


REVIEW THE FACTS: When I notice myself starting to feel anxious I immediately call it out. I say “I am feeling anxious.” It’s important here to not use “I am anxious” like a mantra, spell or confirmation. Instead I am addressing the feeling, not labeling myself as such, because I am not anxiety and I am not anxious, I am feeling this way.


If we allow ourselves to be still for a total of 90 seconds, we are also allowing our emotions to move through us and essentially go away. I wrote an opinion piece about this on medium.


If we continue to experience the feeling it’s because we’re rethinking or restimulating the chemical circuitry of that feeling. To help me allow the feeling to move through me in that 90 seconds I do my 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 practice. It’s incredibly grounding and simple!


Look in your environment, what are 5 things you can SEE?

Then, 4 things you can TOUCH?

Next, 3 things you can HEAR?

Followed by 2 things you can SMELL?

And lastly, 1 thing you can TASTE?


Connecting to your five senses brings you completely into the present moment. Usually when people feel anxious, it is more often than not because of situations or problems that don’t exist yet – future worries. Bringing ourselves back into the here and now, looking, touching, hearing, smelling, tasting the facts right in front of us brings us back to HERE. 


Now that we’re present, we can connect to other facts too, like what we know is true from our past. 


BREATHE: Something that is always available to us is our breath. The breath is another anchor that brings us into the present moment. As you notice feelings of anxiety arise, connect to your breath. I am inhaling… I am exhaling…


You can also practice what I call “box breathing.” Essentially you’re inhaling for a count of 4, holding the inhale for 4, exhaling for a count of 4, and then holding the exhale for 4. As you practice this breath you can imagine tracing a square in your mind, or an invisible one with your finger if you wanted to. With the box breathing you can change the shape of your box using your count, like 6-4-6-4 or 8-4-8-4. I find keeping it simple, at least to start, is best.


Mindset also plays a huge role in coping and managing anxiety. It’s so specific and individual to each person, so without sounding too self-promoting, I will encourage you or anyone you know who is interested in an intimate coaching setting to build daily habits, routines, and rituals to support them with their healthy mindset and emotions, with the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.

5. [17:35] Kaylie: What’s the benefit of those crazy pilates machines? Is it much better than floor exercises?

Kaylie, thank you so much for your question. I had a giggle to myself when I read it! If you didn’t already know this, I co-own a boutique reformer pilates studio in Burlington, Ontario and we specialize in small group and sport-specific classes using the reformer pilates machine and other small equipment.


The “crazy pilates machines” Kaylie is referring to are the Reformer Pilates machines. 

EXHALE PILATES | website | instagram

Anyway! They are actually really incredible pieces of equipment that use spring tension, ropes and pulleys, and rolling wheels. It’s a bit difficult to explain, because it sounds more like a torture device, but truly it is a very intuitive machine and works your entire body. 


I teach both mat and reformer pilates and I’ve got to say mat can be really challenging, especially if you don’t have the strength. I was explaining to someone recently that I feel like with mat pilates there’s level 1, 2, 3, and then 20! Whereas with reformer, the equipment is so supportive, you can build gradually through levels. 


The other wonderful thing about the machine is the spring tension provides resistance, which mat pilates lacks. Using resistance has many benefits such as building muscular strength, endurance and stability.


The type of machines we have at the studio are a high-quality professional model which is raised higher off the ground than the lesser-models which makes the machine even more accessible than it already is. Reformer pilates is a very complimentary type of exercise that benefits the entire body, and compliments anything else you do in life, whether that be sitting all day, other types of exercise or sports, etc. 


If anyone lives near the studio, or is in Downtown Burlington, Ontario, please stop by! I’d love for you to check out our beautiful boutique studio and retail space! Maybe we can take a class together.

While you’re there you might even get the opportunity to meet one of our members, Suzanne, who has submitted a question for today’s show. Her question is…

6. [20:45] Suzanne: How often (if at all) would you suggest changing habits/rituals?

Love this question Suzanne! Thank you for asking. Humans, other animals, and basically everything existing in nature moves through cycles. And as we mentioned early in the episodes, we live in an ever-changing world so I most definitely encourage changing or mixing up our habits.


There are a few different reasons to make shifts, and the ones that come to mind are: seasonality, supportiveness, and stacking.


Seasonally: Just like the cycles in nature, our habits can change with the seasons. We’re officially into fall, so some examples of fall habits are: eating more stews, soups, and warm foods. 

Additional resources:

Autumn Habits Blog  

Winter Habits Blog 

Spring Habits Blog

Summer Habits Blog


Supportiveness: Another time you can change up your habits is when the habit no longer feels supportive or in alignment.


The question to ask ourselves is: are my habits bringing me closer to my current goals or halting my growth? This is why we always start with our intention, and we build out our habits around that intention.


Not all habits are good, or healthy, and when our goals change, so do our behaviours. You’ll want to reevaluate your goals and daily behaviours to see if they are in alignment.


Stacking: Lastly, you might want to mix your habits when you’ve created a habit and now want to stack a new habit on top. Sometimes this requires changing things up or adjusting timing/scheduling.


Perhaps you’re adding a bath to your evening routine so you need more time, or you’re stacking a stretch after your morning workouts. You’ll want to make sure you have the right timing and support in place.


Speaking of support, mixing up and changing habits is something we can work on together in a more customized approach in my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship Program. The fall availability is currently open at the time of this recording, and if not this season, check upcoming seasons too!


So the next two questions were really similar so I just kind of put them together. I didn’t want to go with just one since two people phrased it in different ways. So I wanted to thank both Ceri and Candice for these questions…

7. [23:08] Ceri: How would you scale back routines/habits when life is busy and you feel you need to slow? Candice: When life gets hectic, how do you pair down your habits?

I really love these questions, and similar to when we talked about anxiety, there are habits that really keep us grounded and stable through challenging and busy times. 


As someone who has got a lot on her plate, I can faithfully tell you that the key to balancing “busy” and health is sustainable energy. Our foundational habits are the key to this energetic balance. When life gets busy, focus on Foundational Habits that keep us healthy and moving steadily.


#1. Nutrition

The first foundational habit is nutrition. Food is fuel and the right food will support a clear mind, an energized body, and a strong immune system.


Prep easy, whole-food recipes and remember that fast food only slows us down. We might have skipped the dishes, but we’ll be feeling sluggish and unmotivated after eating it.


#2. Rest

Lack of sleep isn’t a badge of honour, but it will give us bags under our eyes, and have us making mistakes and poor choices the next day.


Prioritize rest. As the second foundational habit, rest recharges our batteries and rebuilds our cells. Take breaks, schedule in self-care, and set boundaries around bedtimes and wake up times.


#3. Movement

I always say, “A body in motion stays in motion.” I meat that for our physical health and also for our energy.


Intentional movement, whether that is a workout, pilates class, midday walk, or a daily stretch, will keep your body and mind alert and ready to GO!


Healthy can be simple, even when life isn’t.


These next two questions come from Kennedy. The first one is…

8. [25:46] Kennedy: What’s your favourite morning you’ve ever had?

Thank you for this question Kennedy, because I truly miss this morning routine and I have been brainstorming ways to make it work for me again. 


I used to get up at 5:30am, drink greens and go to the gym for a strength training workout. Then I would come home, dry brush my skin, shower and following the shower I would journal and/or read a few pages of a personal development book. On the way to work I listened to some business or mindset podcasts. That was my morning from 5:30am to 7:45am and I LOVED it soooo much.


I also practiced intermittent fasting then, so I would have bulletproof coffee, or bone broth, or green tea in the morning and then I’d have a shake later in the morning.


I think the part I miss most about this routine was the fact that the morning was for ME. and I had this whole time to myself. No texts, no emails, no one else asking me questions or asking things of me. It was the alone time I needed to ground, connect to my body, refresh my mind, and set me up for the day ahead. 


A lot has changed since I had this routine, and I look for other ways to have those quiet and meaningful moments to myself. I’m creating a new routine that works for me in this season of my life and it’s almost as fulfilling. 


Kennedy’s second question is…

9. [27:35] Kennedy: What do you think young Val would think of current Val?

Coming in with the feels Kennedy! Thank you for this second question, it’s such a good one. I think she’d be in awe. I think she’d be proud of me. I think she’d squeeze my hand and take me to play barbies with her – which I never let anyone play barbies with me really LOL unless I had a friend over that I trusted haha


In all seriousness, I think she would see me and feel the confidence and the self-belief that she needed at that time and know that a big and bright future was available to her if she believed in herself. If she met fear with courage and if she decided to shine. She would see me and know that this is possible. 


And from the bottom of my heart, this is what I aspire for other women. This feeling of self-confidence. This knowing that we can be and do anything. That when we believe in ourselves, the world is limitless. 


Our final question comes from Jana…

10. [29:45] Jana: Any planned change of direction for the next 200 episodes or just flowing with it?

Janna thank you for another great question. I’d like to tell you that I have these things all planned out, but truthfully I’m going with the flow. I see the show changing a little in the new year. I made a few changes this year to the podcast, and they’ve been great so far. I also like the idea of some more series on the show. Our most recent one wraps up next week!


All that being said, if you’re listening and have an idea for the podcast, please feel free to send me a message on instagram @vallavignelife, I would love to hear from you!


Thank you to everyone who asked a question today, and thank you for listening to the podcast. I am speechless with how much this show has grown and how it has evolved. It has also changed and shaped me in so many beautiful ways. I am grateful for this opportunity to share, educate, and connect. Thank you so much!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E199: Create LIMITLESS Healthy Habits (Book Report)
 
 

E199: Create LIMITLESS Healthy Habits (Book Report)

“You are part of a small group of individuals who not only want more for their lives but are also willing to do what it takes to get results. In other words, you are the hero of the story; you’ve answered the call to adventure. I believe the ultimate adventure we are all on is to reveal and realize our fullest potential and inspire others to do the same.” - Jim Kwik


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BOOK: LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik

[00:58] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am you host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne.


I just finished reading the book Limitless by Jim Kwik, and within the first few pages I KNEW I would be sharing this book with you. The subtitle for this book is “upgrade your brain, learn anything faster, and unlock your exceptional life.”


Earlier this year I decided to create a new type of episode for the show. Essentially, it’s like a book report of specific books I’ve read that I also use in my coaching sessions. There have been two other episodes like it so far:


Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)

Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin


In these episodes, my intention is to share some of the key takeaways from the book, perhaps inspire you to also purchase the book to read yourself, and also to share with you how I apply these learnings within my coaching sessions.


There are currently three ways to work with me:


The first is through my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship. This is a customized, and closed container where we work together on your specific habits over three months time.


The second way to work with me is in our Healthy Habit Membership. This is a virtual community where we learn, and grow together through our habits as well as monthly trainings.


And lastly, I host a 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge which runs 3-4 times per year called Elevate Your Life. In this challenge you get a backstage pass into the monthly coaching program as well as extra support from me for 21 days.



I was recommended to read this book by a friend who absolutely LOVED IT! She loved it so much that she said, “put down whatever you’re reading, read this book, and then come back to what you’re reading because, LIMITLESS will teach you how to learn better, read faster, and remember more of what you’re reading.” Needless to say, I bought the book.


There are a lot of things I like about LIMITLESS, and one of them is that it’s very organized. The book has four clear parts. Within those parts are clear and to the point chapters – if you know me, you know I like a good “no fluff” personal development book. 


I also enjoy the alliteration of these four parts: MIND, MINDSET, MOTIVATION, METHODS


[03:47] PART ONE: MIND

Kwik uses his love of X-Men and superheroes to tell the hero's journey, which starts with “freeing your mind” in the call to adventure. When he talks about becoming LIMITLESS, what he means is removing limiting labels, beliefs, and methods which he describes in the “Limitless Model.”


(p.17) “You can learn to be, do, have, and share with no constraints… If you are not learning or living at your full potential, if there’s a gap between your current reality and your desired reality, there is a reason: there is a limit that must be released and replaced in one of three areas:

  1. A limit in your mindset – you entertain a low belief in yourself, your capabilities, what you deserve, or what is possible.

  2. A limit in your motivation – you lack the drive, purpose, or energy to take action.

  3. A limit in your methods – you're taught and are acting on a process that is not effective to create the results you desire.


This matters in our day and age because of four “Digital Supervillains” 


Digital Deluge: There is too much information for us to be processing and not enough time.


Digital Distraction: We experience constant distraction with the availability of technology and social pressure to be online and active on social media.


Digital Dementia: Oversusing digital technology results in the breakdown of cognitive abilities and our short-term memory is deteriorating because of it.


Digital Deduction: We rely on technology to answer any and all of our questions, which means we aren’t practicing or using our critical thinking, problem solving, and creativity.


Something else I really loved about this book was that he has placed little bubbles labeled “KWIK START” throughout the chapters. These are actionable tips to do as you’re reading.


To be honest, this is something I thought would have been incredibly helpful in the last book I read and shared on the podcast, GRIT by Angela Duckworth. I loved the book, but wished there were more calls to action to practice applying it into my own life.

Part of freeing your mind is learning how to read and remember the books that you read using his acronym FASTER:


FORGET – have a beginner’s mind before reading, attending a seminar/workshop, or learning something new.

ACTION – take action on the new learnings (like his KWIK STARTS), Sharing what you’ve learned with your community, or putting the learnings into practice.

STATE – all learning is state dependent. You’re more likely to learn and remember if you choose joy, satisfaction, curiosity.

TEACH – teach the information you’ve learned to someone else.

ENTER – schedule personal development times into your calendar. This can be to read, learn, or apply your learnings.

REVIEW – to help you remember what you’ve learned, actively recall the material over multiple spread out sessions.


I love this method for reading, learning, and retaining the information, and I also use it similarly in each coaching session. 


(Forget) We begin by coming into the session with an open mind. Since you’re coming into healthy habit coaching, I feel that it is safe to assume you're searching for something “different.” So let’s start with a clean slate. 


(State) Within the session I keep things as positive and upbeat as possible, because I want you to see and connect to what could be, and the possibility of reaching your goals. When you can see it in your mind, or feel it in your body, you are more likely to achieve your goal.


(Action) At the end of every session there is “homework” or an action plan. Part of that action plan is (Enter) scheduling your habits, routines, and rituals into your calendar. 


In follow up sessions, clients often share what they have been able to achieve and to my excitement, (Teach) they have already shared some of what they’ve learned with their friends, family, and social networks. (Review) of course each new session begins with an open mind, as well as a review of what has worked and what hasn’t.


I think a lot of people don’t realize how much LEARNING actually goes on when it comes to creating new habits. We are forming new neural connections and pathways in the brain when we decide to start a new behaviour. The habit forms when that neural pathway is maintained and becomes automatic. But this doesn’t happen overnight – it takes repetition and practice, which is why the three month container in the Make a Habit Mentorship is so important. It takes on average 66 days for a person to create and stick to a habit. 


[09:38] PART TWO: MINDSET

In part two of the book LIMITLESS, we dive into “The What” or the limitless mindset. Our mindset is SO IMPORTANT, because our thoughts create our feelings, which then lead to our actions, which then become our reality. It creates a cycle of what we think we become, and how we act, or what we become is what we think about. Around, and around we go!


The fact is, every single person on this planet has limiting beliefs. The key is to reframe them so that they don’t take over our minds and leave us stuck in old patterns or feeling defeated by our goals.


(p.80) Kwik shares his three keys to minimize limiting beliefs and develop a superhero mindset:


Key 1: Name Your Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs “might have to do with your talents, your character, your relationships, your education, or anything else that leads to internal whispers that you can’t be what you want to be. Start paying attention right now to every time you tell yourself that you’re incapable… Being aware of how you’re holding yourself back with your self-talk and spending some time to get to the source of these beliefs is extremely liberating because once you’re aware, you can begin to realize these aren’t facts about you, but rather opinions. And there is a very good chance that these opinions are wrong.”


Key 2: Get to the Facts

The toughest part of limiting beliefs is that they play heavily on our emotions. If we keep repeating them, they can wear us down. It’s important to remember that these are facts that are often wrong, and the better we get at quieting these limiting beliefs, the better you become at keeping distractions down during times of big growth, change, and challenges. “So when you’re examining the facts behind your limiting beliefs, be sure to consider two things: whether there is in reality any evidence to drive that you are truly hampered in this area and whether even that evidence was tainted by the noise in your head.”


Key 3: Create a New Belief

“The most essential step [is] to generate a new belief that is both truer than the [limiting beliefs] you’ve been accepting and beneficial to the limitless you that you are creating.” 


Mindset is huge in any coaching industry. If you want to create change in your life, you’re going to have to start with your thoughts; your mindset. Limiting beliefs come up often, and even though there are many methods for overcoming them and replacing them, I have definitely found that working with a coach combined with personal practice has been the most effective way to overcome these. 


In my experience coaching, as well as working with a coach myself, I have seen time and time again how powerful it is to have someone else hold up a mirror and ask questions about the beliefs that have come up. Does this feel true for you or does this feel like a mindset block? Is there evidence to support this? Etc. 


You can only have so many conversations with yourself telling you, inner voice, or Inner Mean Girl (as I’ve referenced in the past), without feeling like you’re taking crazy pills. Having a coach to hold the space for you and keep you on track with what IS true can be very helpful.


With that being said, your coach is not with you 24-7, but your inner voice(s) are. Both the Inner Mean Girl, and the voice of your Higher Self. While it is helpful to have conversations with your coach, developing a healthy mindset and positive self-talk habits are extremely supportive in truly mastering your mindset for optimal performance and growth. 


This is something I often work on with my coaching clients. It’s usually around the time, maybe a few weeks into working together, when their motivation starts to simmer and the changes are so small they start to fall back into old patterns and beliefs. When this happens, we start to tweak specific parts of our routine, as well as come back to the strong foundation we’ve created to really remember WHY it is we wanted to build these habits in the first place. Which brings us into part three of the book…




[14:03] PART THREE: MOTIVATION

This part of the book is about our “Why.” To create sustainable motivation we need purpose, energy, and small simple steps.


When it comes to purpose, Kwik references Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why and quotes Sinek when he writes, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it, so it follows that if you don’t know why you do what you do, how will anyone else?”


Whether you’re working with me in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship, Healthy Habit Membership, or Elevate Your Life 21 Day Challenge, we always start with your feeling word. Why? Because it is the foundation of why you’re doing what you’ve set out to do.


It is the root of your habit, it is the motivation for your actions, and it is the purpose for your transformation. Your feeling word is your WHY. 


For example, Robyn is currently in our Elevate Your Life Healthy Habit Challenge and her feeling word is “light.” Her habits are to run 4x/week as well as walk daily to reach 10k+ steps. When Robyn is at home relaxing on the couch and checks to see that she’s only done 7k steps, and she hasn’t been on a run today, it’s not the habit that propels her forward, it’s her purpose. I think it’s safe to assume that Robyn would rather keep relaxing and call it a day, but she doesn’t. Why? Because staying on the couch would not make her feel “light” in fact, I would say it would make her feel the opposite. So her feeling word then motivates her to get up and go for a walk to reach her 10k step goal.


Personally I very much dislike running. I love this goal for Robyn, but it would not work for me at all! Why? Because I do not find any passion in running. 


Kwik talks about (p.117) On Purpose Passion saying, “finding your passion is not about choosing the right path or finding the perfect professional destiny. It’s about experimenting to see what ignites your joy. Passion comes when we rediscover our authentic, alive self, the one who has been muted and buried beneath a pile of other people’s expectations. There is not a single right path to be discovered or revealed.”


You might have multiple passions and that is okay too! Passion is what lights you up inside, and purpose is “how you relate to other people… [it’s] what you’re here to share with the world. It’s how you use your passion.”


To help you find your passions, experiment with activities you feel drawn to, and see which ones fuel you more. When it comes to discovering your purpose, consider your core values. Once you’ve written down your values, Kwik encourages prioritizing those values. Your values are similar to your purpose and passions. In the very least, you want your values to align with your goals – or you won’t do them.


An example from LIMITLESS is, (p.118)  “Someone who wants to remember other people’s names should value relationships and their connections to people. Your behaviour has to support your values in some way, or there is no drive for it.”


Consider your current values, and your current habits and routines. Do they align with one another? If they don't, how can you tweak or adjust your behaviours to align with your core values?


When it comes to our coaching sessions, core values play a big role in the big picture. While the feeling word is the root of your habit, the core value is the seed. Using the previous example:


Core value (Seed) = relationships

Feeling word (root) = connection

Habits/behaviours (plant) = remembering people's names, reaching out to others on a regular basis, sending out holiday cards or notes of encouragement in the mail, etc.


Knowing your core values and how you want to feel are helpful in building out your habits, but also in making decisions. When someone asks you to do something, or if you feel the urge to take action, you can get in the habit of asking “why?” Are you starting a business because your friend needs help and you want to feel helpful? Will taking more on your plate really make you feel this way? Does it align with being of service to others? Perhaps because you’ve asked WHY, you’ll realize that there are other ways you can help your friend without actually partnering with them. Asking why helps you get clarity on what you’re doing and keeps you on track with staying in alignment of your goals.


Energy is another part of the formula for creating sustainable motivation. In the book, Kwik talks about energy for your physical brain including what you’re eating, how you’re exercising, quality of environment, relationships, sleep, and a few more other things. 


I’ve mentioned before that your new behaviours are formed in your brain which become habits after repetition making them automated. A healthy, energized brain is definitely helpful for creating healthy habits, perhaps even making the process easier. 


(p.130) Here are Kwik’s 10 recommendations for generating limitless brain energy:

  1. Good Brain Diet: eating foods like avocados, blueberries, broccoli, dark chocolate, eggs, leafy green veggies, salmon, turmeric, walnuts, and drinking sufficient quality water are all important to a healthy, energized brain.

  2. Brain Nutrients: These are supplements you can take to improve brain function. Some examples shared in the book are: vitamin B and curcuim.

  3. Exercise: which has been known to change the brain in ways that protect memory and thinking skills.

  4. Killing ANTs: “Automatic Negative Thoughts” to accomplish what you want.

  5. A clean environment: cleaning up the air you breathe, and decluttering your space.

  6. A positive Peer Group: surrounding yourself with motivation, positive influences, and people you are inspired by or grow from being around.

  7. Brain Protection: literally wearing a helmet when participating in certain activities (snowboarding, riding a bike, etc.) and also limiting how much hard contact or extreme sports you do to protect your brain.

  8. New Leaning: Keep learning. You’re listening to this podcast, so that’s a great place to start!

  9. Stress Management: There is evidence to support that stress has a very debilitating impact on the brain. “Finding ways to reduce or avoid stress becomes critical.”

  10. Sleep: “Getting enough sleep – and getting enough quality sleep – is essential if you’re going to make the most of your brain.”

When I’m working with my coaching clients, we often talk about Foundational Habits. These are habits like: Food/nutrition, rest/sleep, movement/exercise, mindset, and hydration. When life gets stressful, or busy, or we start to feel overwhelmed, we come back to our foundational habits and hit the reset button. They’re foundational for a reason, because they are what give us the energy we need to take action, and make an impact. 


The last part of the sustainable motivation formula are small simple steps… aka HABITS!


Right in the beginning of this chapter of the book Kwik asks three questions (p.149):

What is the smallest simple step I can take right now?

How do we start good habits or end bad ones?

What daily routine will help me become limitless?


This whole chapter is all about creating healthy habits. Kwik also references a couple other books in this chapter, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg let me know if you’d like me to do a book report on either of these books by sending me a note on Instagram @vallavignelife 


I actually reference a lot of this chapter in episode 195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series. I highly recommend revisiting this episode to dive deeper into the science of motivation and our tiny habits. 


Some of the key takeaways from this chapter are:

Giving yourself grace when developing new behaviours: I’ve mentioned that forming new habits takes time. The journey or process isn’t always easy, be kind to yourself along the way.


Take the smallest steps when starting out: The smaller the action or steps the better! You’re more likely to do the action if it’s simple and easy. Then you can build the confidence and momentum to keep moving forward.


Our habits are a core part of who we are: “40-50% of what we do every day is a product of habit.” This is actually really positive because it helps us function on a regular basis – HOWEVER our habits can help us or they can hurt us. Putting effort into creating healthy behaviours can support us in living a healthy (partially) automated life vs an unhealthy one.


Stack habits one by one: Focus on creating ONE new habit and then, once it has become automated, add another one, and repeat this cycle. This will support you in your growth and success, and “can be the start to an entirely new way of life.”


And lastly, establish a morning routine: If you don’t like “morning” routine because that doesn’t apply to your night shift schedule, or the fact that you aren’t a “morning person” call it your “wake up routine.” Basically you want to be able to jumpstart your day with a routine that supports you for the day and activities ahead. Think of three things you can do every morning, no matter where you are, that will empower your day.


I don’t really feel the need to share how I use these in our coaching sessions together for obvious reasons, and also if you’ve listened to more than this episode of the show, you’ll know that we talk about all of this in detail in other episodes. 


What I will share with you today is that I meet you where you are in life. My previous client, Sarah, shared this in Episode 197 of the podcast when she talked about her experience working with me in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.


So whether you need the foundational habit reset, or focusing on giving yourself grace through mindset work, building tiny habits, or stacking new habits, we start wherever you are at now. Once we know where you’re at, we can begin to implement the best methods for your success, which is actually the perfect segway to the fourth part of LIMITLESS…


[24:55] PART FOUR: METHODS

This is “The How” of the book, where Kwik covers focus, study, memory, speed reading, and thinking.


One of the common complaints about why people aren’t consistent with their healthy habits is because they succumb to distractions. Kwik’s three suggestions for calming a busy mind in the middle of a busy day, and to focus are to:

  1. Breathe

  2. Do something that has been causing you stress: because it’s weighing so much on your mind and will continue to do so until it’s done.

  3. Schedule time for distractions: I like to teach that having designated social media and email time in the calendar so that you know exactly when you’ll get to the notifications or the craving to check socials.


In some cases, when I see my clients are particularly stressed out or overwhelmed, we will use the beginning of our session to go through meditation or breath work. For those of you who don’t already know this, my background is in fitness, specifically yoga, meditation, breathwork and pilates. So the breath is a huge part of what and how I teach and coach. 


When it comes to the other methods of this chapter: study, memory, and speed reading, while I did learn a lot from these chapters, I’ve decided to leave them out of the podcast episode because he goes into a great deal of methods and practices that truthfully we don’t have time to cover today. However if this is an area of focus for you and developing these specific habits, then:

  1. I highly recommend buying and reading LIMITLESS

  2. I would love to invite you into my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program to support you in creating these specific habits. I would most definitely be able to teach you the methods that would be most helpful, as well as keep you on track with your growth and transformation. If you’re interested, please visit www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship to get started.


The final chapter of the book however, Thinking, I will speak to. I really enjoyed how Kwik talked about Dr. Edward de Bono’s concept of the “six thinking hats” (p.256). “As a tool for getting out of whatever rut of thinking one might be mired in. Regularly used to help groups problem-solve in a more productive way, it is easily adaptable by any individuals hoping to keep their thinking fresh. The core notion is to separate thinking into six distinctly defined functions by progressively donning a series of metaphorical hats:”


White Hat: When you’re in information gathering mode.


Yellow Hat: to bring optimism to your thinking; positive thoughts

Black Hat: What are some of the pitfalls, difficulties, or obstacles or consequences of the challenge/situation.


Red Hat: Bring emotion and feeling into the problem; express fears. 


Green Hat: Creativity mode, asking “what new ideas can we bring into what we already know?”


Blue Hat: You’re in management mode, making sure to address the agenda, productively gone through the process. This hat is often worn at the beginning and end of problem solving group sessions.


So brilliant and organized – I love it! While I was surprised that I never heard of this concept before, I have already been using something similar in my coaching sessions. I just never organized it so elegantly! Now I have a note on my desk with each of these hats and when I have a coaching session I refer to the note to make sure we’ve covered all the bases; or in this case put on all the hats. As a coach I am asking questions to my clients based on these six hats, and the client is able to respond with their own insights and together we create the best solution for them, based on their answers. 


While this chapter goes on to describe different parts of intelligence, and I do think this is really fascinating to know about ourselves, it’s really the type of learning style you have that I am most interested in. Most of the time I can tell what kind of learning style you have based on how you communicate with me. 


Are you speaking about your past experience describing the visual representation of the situation? Or perhaps you’re speaking to how you felt about the problems you were facing. Some clients share how they’ve tried things they’ve learned from audio books or podcast episodes that really resonated with them. 


All of this, the content and all how you’re describing it to me, is information about your learning style.


(p.260) Which one are you?

Visual: “meaning that you tend to learn through illustrations, charts, videos, and other visual media.”


Auditory: “meaning that you find yourself most comfortable learning by listening, either to a lecture, a discussion, a podcast, an audiobook, etc.”


Kinesthetic: “meaning that you prefer to learn via physical interaction. Kinesthetic learners tend to gain more from taking a hands-on approach to learning.”


Some people have a combination of learning styles and that might be you! It’s important to know which one you are when you are ready to learn something new. You can then find the best resources to support you.


I do the same when working with my coaching clients. We have virtual sessions and sometimes that means I share my screen with examples or slides with visuals on them. Other times I share podcast episodes I think they would find helpful and can listen to between our sessions. And of course, no matter what I am always giving them action steps to take, and sometimes we use the time together to make those hands on moves so that they’re stepping forward in the right direction. 


Since you’re listening to this episode, you might be an auditory learner. It’s definitely something to consider! Share what kind of learning style you have with me on instagram @vallavignelife


[30:55] UNOFFICIAL “PART FIVE” AFTERWARD

Okay there is one small last part of the book I wanted to share with you today and it follows the Afterward. It is the 10-Day Kwik Start Plan


When it comes to personal development books, I’ve read A LOT of them. So many! And after a while, you start to notice that they’re all kind of saying the same things, in different voices. Which honestly, isn’t a bad thing, as we’ve learned today, repetition is important for learning and developing ourselves. However, there is one thing that will ALWAYS determine whether or not the book you’ve read is going to help you or not. 


This one thing is the ACTION you take after reading the book. You can read all the personal development books you want. But the growth and transformation happens when you are in action. Having a 10-Day action plan following this book and using some of the key methods and practicing is so smart from a coaching and business perspective. 


In my opinion, Jim Kwik does a lot of things right with this book and this is one of them. He also has extended chapters and resources available on his stie to help you with specific limitless growth for example with your children or business. 


From a business and marketing perspective this is super smart, because he’s getting you to visit his website and move through his funnel. This is smart.


From a coaching perspective, he’s having you take next steps to help you create change in a specific area of life using his methods. Again, smart.


I don’t have a book yet, but when I do, let me tell you I’m taking a page out of this one LOL not really but you know what I mean! Why am I telling you about how smart Jim Kwik is for adding this into the back of his book??


Because, if you want to make lasting change, you have to create lasting habits, routines, and rituals. You have to continue to grow, learn, and develop. It might start with reading a book but it doesn’t end there. You have to keep moving forward, and Jim Kwik encourages this through additional resources.



I do the same with my coaching clients. As I mentioned, I have specific episodes from this very show that I share with my clients based on their unique habits and goals. If I don’t have an episode yet, I create one for them, or with them in mind.


We use the 21 day Elevate Your Life healthy habit challenge to jumpstart new routines, and healthy behaviours and then there is an invitation to continue their growth through the challenge in our Healthy Habit Membership to sustain the habits that they built.


This applies to any type of personal development and growth, it’s ongoing. 


Okay friends, this is your invitation to take action!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E197: How a High Achiever went from Crisis to Spaciousness with Sarah
 
 

E197: How a High Achiever went from Crisis to Spaciousness with Sarah

Join High Achiever: business owner, school teacher, and plant/nature enthusiast Sarah Peel in her intimate and detailed experience working with Val in the Make a Habit Mentorship program to go from crisis mode, to creating a spacious summer…


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[00:57] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Sara, thank you so much for joining me today. Welcome to the show!

[01:04] Sarah Peel: It's a real honor to be here. I already use it for and we've actually met in person for the past two years and this one-on-one coaching was really, really helpful to me in a time though that I really needed it. So I'm glad to talk to and share my story because I think it'd be helpful to others.

So I am the teacher and an entrepreneur, so you can probably understand that I'm a person with my fingers and a lot of pieces of pie.

I would also say not to just completely define myself as you know what I do, but I love to explore ideas and bring them into fruition, I guess you would say because I bring them into reality. And I'm always exploring who I am and I think I'm still figuring out who I am and that's part of the cool journey. of life for me.

And I don't like to necessarily put myself in a box but sometimes these personality types are a cool shorthand for people to understand. I am an Enneagram three, which you don't have to know much about the Enneagram to understand that the title to my personality is called The Achiever.

And there's great things about that and then there's some downsides to that one is that I could potentially work all the time and love it until I don't love it anymore in the crisis, and and in this time in particular, when I started to work with you, I felt like I was in a bit of a crisis. Now we'll get into more of that later but I felt like I was asleep to time.

And I needed a change. The other good thing about being an achiever is what I've described before but my personality is that I'm always looking for and I'm open to new things to do and new ways of looking at things and like going at them with my my full my full self. so that's kind of a little bit about me.

I don't know if you want to ask me any more questions to clarify some of the things that I've just said.

[03:46] VL: Yeah, I love all the things you just said, I love that you described yourself with your ideogram, which I also don't know much about, but I know that I'm the 10 year grant, which is the Challenger, that we connected this way.

And I guess the follow up question or the part to that first question was, what is the healthy habit that you're currently committed to?

[04:03] SP: Right. So

I think as I've been on this journey to kind of figuring myself out and finding work that really makes me happy. I realized that I can't do that, without good habits. I need to eliminate some decision fatigue, so that I can focus on what I'm really good at and what lights me up.

So I'll just say that as an Achiever, I already want to have good habits. Just because I learned what it felt like to live out good habits and rituals.

And then I met you during the early days of the pandemic and being following along like we became friends and then also just following along in your habit making methodologies and what you share about those things and even being part of the Healthy Habits one to one day challenge in January.

I think it was 21 days right?

VL: Yep.

SP: So some of the good habits that I already have are like when I'm teaching and running my business at the same time I do things like menu planning on Sunday, I also prep and plan my wardrobe so that I don't have to make a decision about what to wear in the morning.

I pre book like all the yoga Pilates workouts that I'm going to do so that I know well okay, that's a certain time maybe you know, my partner can make dinner on that night of the week or whatever.

So I'm pretty organized. I know I have to be able to do it. Things that I want to do, I have to have good habits in place. Because they free me up to be myself because they free me up to be myself. So when I got to the end of June, as I said, I'm also a supply teacher. So that's one way that I'm able to manage also having a business that I run part time.

however, there was just so much going on, you know, my aging parents were needing a lot from me, at that particular time. I had signed up to weakened markets selling my house plants and gardening supplies for my business Petit Soleil Studio.

And it was just, it was too much.

And I started to think about what kind of summer that I wanted. And I really liked the 21 day challenge before we set out to articulate our goal. You wanted us to come up with a feeling word. What is the feeling word that we want to achieve? So that it's not just about doing it's about feeling.

So, on the summer solstice actually I did a little bit of a you know a journaling exercise to make it into more of a ritual to make it more meaningful for myself and more powerful. I found the word spacious. That's the kind of summer that I wanted to have. And so as school was wrapping up, I was really looking forward to doing a few things for my business like that were more creative, and less really engaging more inwardly engaging. I wanted to do some writing and research but I also wanted to rest and I was really looking forward to that. And then the last week of school I got an email from my local school board. I had applied for a position a couple of months before to teach summer school. And I hadn't heard anything so I didn't think that was really an opportunity.

And they just said do you want this job? Like six days before school would actually start.

I had to take it financially; it was just too good of an opportunity. Our family needed some extra money. And so with that, I kind of had a bit of a freakout and some grief about losing a spacious summer.

the freakout was I know it's gonna be a lot of work. It's so intense. It was for a course that I've never taught before. I've never taught summer school before. I just, you know there were just so many unknowns.

I reached out just when I decided to reach out to you to help me figure out could I still honor that feeling word? Throughout a very busy time and still feel like I could have a spacious summer, even teaching summer school.

[09:02] VL: I remember that. You're like, I have my feeling word, but I need help. How do we do this? 

So, just kind of reiterate what you've said, you're a high achiever. Enneagram three, you have huge goals, but you also know the meaning of spaciousness and what that means like what that feels like to you and what that means for your life. And then you get this great opportunity that you know is going to be so much more on your calendar and on your plate than you originally anticipated. 

A few months or a few days even before so what was that like six days before actually doing it?

What would you describe as that turning point of like, oh, yeah, I've been following bow for two years. I know we've worked together and like really kind of – small ways, like sprinkling in and kind of thinking of the challenge and just seeing my posts and, you know, chatting on DMS a little bit. I know you've listened to the podcast, there's lots of tangible things there. So what was the difference for you or what was that shift for you versus oh I know the resources that Val has versus like okay one to work directly with her what was the difference. The shift for you?

[10:20] SP:  Well, I think I'm a pretty self directed person most of the time where I am. This is part of my maturing process. I wasn't always able to see where I was doing too much and I've had several occasions where I worked out and then things and I didn't want to go back to that kind of feeling.

Because it feels like failure, which is actually one of the achievers or fears is failure. Anyways, I've been working on that. That's a whole other that's a whole other topic.

so I just got to the point where I was like, You know what, sorry, maybe you need some extra help. Maybe there are things that you can't do yourself. That you just need somebody to talk you through some accountability, you know, other than your friends and family or your partner.

Maybe you need to invest in yourself. Maybe this is you know, you invest in other kinds of health care, like getting massages or booking yourself in for a mammogram or any any of those kinds of things.

This is probably something that you need to do for your for your health. so I actually didn't even know that you did one on one mentoring, but because I know you well, I wondered I just sent you a direct message and asked you if I could do a few sessions with you. because I just thought it would be helpful. and I thought I needed professional help.

[12:02] VL: So that's yeah, That's a big deal. for help. Especially with someone that you have so definitely want to acknowledge you for that. that's that's a really big deal. and also acknowledge you for doing all the things you do and then recognizing that yes, in my maturity I can ask for help or I do need an outside year or suggestion or method or whatever. it is, so that's a really huge. I know a lot of people who are not have yet to do that.

So, what was it that really surprised you or something that surprised you when you started working on your habits and they started working, and asking for that help what happened at the beginning or what was a surprise for you?

[12:48] SP: Well, one thing that you helped me to do is to look at my calendar. Like let's start at the very beginning.

Look at where in my actual calendar, could I program in spaciousness. So that's one of the things that we did together and I guess I was try to maybe order something like this might surprise, maybe has a connotation of like, be a negative thing, but I was I had some delight and seeing that you didn't put more pressure on me to do another thing.

Tonight, I mean, you weren't like I have a five step plan for you. And actually it's gonna take more time. So I think actually, that's very important for people to know is that you were very responsive to where I was at and you didn't, I didn't feel burdened by any of the things that you suggested. 

​​Going back to the calendar, you had said, let's look at the month of July. So basically during summer school, I was working six days a week and Monday to Friday was definitely 12 hour days. I was so spent all of my activities were basically focused on school and just sleeping, getting up getting dressed and doing it all again some basic care. So leaving encouraged me to find ways to celebrate normal responsibilities in the house too. Can I ask for some of those things to be done by my husband, which he did?

​​And you suggested that either at the beginning or the end of the day, that I have a gratitude journal and it didn't have to be long, long sentences, just the bullet points. A couple of things that I was grateful for, because of course, gratitude is expansive and makes you feel like there's more instead of focusing on the things that are stressing you out, which makes you feel like there's less so gratitude, and then you suggested that after I wrote down the gratitude, I had a few things that I that either felt spacious in my day, or I was doing to create some spaciousness in my day and doing things.

You suggested, you know, taking some time to breathe during class, which I did actually start in my classes with my students with three cleansing breaths, and none of them actually gave me any feedback. I felt weird about it. But nobody really liked it. Because they were kind of stressed out and I also wanted me to start looking at my bedtime routine to try to turn my computer off, like at least two hours before going to bed. And one of the ways that I normally Unwind by watching some some fluffy TV with my husband before that, what that was actually doing is working till sometimes 9:30 then closing the computer, getting things ready for the next day and then sitting down at 10 to watch television just was not good for bedtime.

so you helped me explore some bedtime rituals that I could that I could do to help me unwind. and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so, you may remember I mentioned that I wanted to do to spend July doing creative work like writing and researching. Had a couple of workshops planned but that was basically just like, open time to explore and to allow ideas to come to me.

and so going forward into August you know that in between vacation is actually the times that you're at home in between vacation are not very, they're usually quite stressful because you're unpacking from one thing you're getting ready for the next and like all the stuff that you put off to the sky while you were relaxing is now there in your face

So you suggested that I ease into that. I tried to find time to have that time in August. Maybe it wasn't going to be weeks on end. That one I allowed myself to give myself permission to transition from summer school into vacation mode.

And whatever that looked like was just to be easy on myself and give myself permission to do nothing. Then to find two days in my weeks where I could dedicate to my business one day to do administrative stuff like catching up on bookkeeping and another day to just kind of be free and open to reading and writing.

And we also talked a lot about how to make social media easy and spacious. Basically I just put everything aside for social media in July and that was a – that was a mental health saving device. Just basically let people know that I'm gonna disappear for a month and I'm going to be back in August. So just take the pressure off myself to be on social media completely. But I wanted to ease back into it in August. 

And so you suggested also – I thought it was interesting that we kind of had a bit of business coaching as well. Just talking about social media. And yes, it's important for your business but how can you make it work for you?

And so I also decided that during my two weeks of vacation one week of camping with a friend and all have our kids, which would be very focused on being present and being with the kids that you know, could I take some do some stories of like

plants that I would find in and around the campground and do a little bit of teaching around that. And so I did that and actually got a great response from that. And it was fun and it's totally in my wheelhouse. So I felt like I was still not slacking off but I was giving something of value that you know people follow me for. And then the second week of vacation while I was at a cottage with my parents and my partner. I also did the same and so I really took pictures while I was out on walks but I didn't post while I was with them so that I could be totally present.

Again creating spaciousness there and then blocked off time in which I actually did the posting. So I didn't feel that it was bleeding. into the time that I wanted to spend completely with my people.

And that was very helpful as well. So I think those are some of the things that we talked about, and I implemented calendar stuff and then allowed myself to transition to a gratitude journal which I'm still doing, because it's still summertime. You know, it's my, my summer word is spaciousness. and I feel even though I'm kind of gearing back up to the September feeling. I'm still trying to enjoy the last bit of summer before things are in full swing.

[20:59] VL: I love all of that. I love that you revisited the kind of the process I guess that just transpired from us working together. 

I definitely. I mean looking back on everything I remember just from the beginning, how overwhelmed you were and then just week by week, it was like easing into that feeling again, kind of revisiting our recovery. And coming back to that anchor of your feeling word. And it's cool to see how you implement tiny things or make those tiny shifts to your already impacted routines really impacted. Other areas of your life, like from summer school teaching to how you spend your vacations to the transition between July and August to now and then I'm sure it's going to continue on and how you transition into the next season. Right so it's really cool that it had that greater impact. Is there anything else that you would add to that greater impact of what these healthy habits have done for different areas of your life, not just what we focus on. I mean, spaciousness was really such an overarching feeling for all parts of your life and when you look at your calendar it kind of covers everything. Is there anything that we didn’t cover yet?

SP: Not that I can think of at the moment.

VL: And then, what would you say would be like the specific thing that made this habit work for you or what made it so successful for you?

[22:36] SP: Well, one is the feeling word for sure. Because I can keep on coming back to that that was my core desire, and I really felt that was important. And I didn't like the feeling of not feeling spacious. I mean, that was the thing that brought me to you know, the summer solstice and saying, Oh, how do I want to spend my summer because I feel like every, in my mind, I'm like blocking my time into 15 minute chunks, like okay, well, on the way to this location, I can do this, this and this and I need to be done. Anyway, so it just felt like a slave to time. And I hated that. And I just wanted to have fun and rest.

I also wanted to make business feel fun, and I didn't want to be doing it all the time. So the feeling word was very important. And I also liked that it was easy. It didn't have to be hard. I think I have at note from one of our sessions… let me see… “let this be fun1” And we're talking about social media; how to make it fun for myself.

And it's hard to have fun If you don't have spaciousness, So, like everything, kind of trip trickles down from a really good feeling.

[24:03] VL: Yeah, I agree. I agree that was something that we kept coming back to. And not just the word itself. But like, where in all these areas of your life could you feel this way or in all these different parts of your day? Could we tie this in or bring this in? And you started to do more things with intention? I think the other thing that I noticed that you haven't mentioned yet was that there was this feeling of dread for certain parts of the long days the feeling like you needed to show up online every day or you needed to stay relevant and be on social media all the time, which we know isn't true. But when we said okay, like, let's step back a second, how do we want to feel on social media? How do we want to feel about our teaching for unworking for 12 hour plus days? And you were like, Yeah, you're right. I don't want to go into this day. Feeling this negativity and that was part of that gratitude journal practice, which I'm so glad to hear that you're continuing.

Yeah, that's a it's honestly, it. gratitude practice changed my life, but we tweaked it just for you. Right. We treat you for your spaciousness and how you want it to feel on how you wanted to show up as a teacher and an educator and an entrepreneur. So I think you've done a really great job in showing up for yourself and for your habits and I know that as an achiever it's good for you to have that goal, or that kind of light at the end of the tunnel, like what am I working toward? So again, I think spaciousness is really a word. I feel like work really made it successful. for you and creating that word or finding that word for you in ritual or in that sacred space and setting so that's pretty powerful. I love that. 

[25:51] SP: That's a great segue because I have remembered something else that was part of my practice.

Of course, we've talked about spaciousness and the outward things that I was doing, but also in an interior spaciousness. spaciousness in my mind and my spirits and like the, of course there's breathing and that itself is where your physical body and your spirit kind of connect. But also prayer was very important to that act of like, let surrender, letting things go. asking for guidance, even if it was just taking that time in the car driving to work as I could feel my adrenaline going raising up and then just saying okay, it's your deep breaths.

Have some prayer time to just let this go and to actually sometimes I would actually speak into the you know, out loud in the car. And I found that very, very helpful. And tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves, feeling like you know, I've got 15 minutes and before I'm just gonna run for six hours to say, Well, how am I feeling sitting in this chair? How was my chest feeling like, am I breathing from the top of my lungs or, you know, shallowly or deeply doing that body skin and like am I feeling tight in certain places? Do I feel like yeah, just like doing a body scan? I actually feel like that was very grounding as well. And helped me to feel calm and centered.

And took a lot of the pressure off to just flow. Like you know, I'm an organized person. Everything is like, sometimes I was creating the lessons an hour before I was actually teaching them, but I knew that I had to do that because I had them all written down. Like I had my script today. And so I just needed to be present to that and say, Okay, what's reasonable, and I just kind of helped me to say, okay, what can you achieve now?

What can be put off because of your expectations of getting everything done? well ahead of time, it's just not possible. So how can you make this easy for yourself? and having that practice of breathing, praying, and grounding through like an embodiment practice? I think it is really good as well.

[28:51] VL: Yeah, I love that. That's a. Those are some great examples and great ways of how you incorporated all these different things internally and like you said, with your environment. For someone who is interested in starting a new habit, What advice would you give to them? And then I'll maybe say a follow up to that would be what advice would you give to someone who is trying to figure out their feeling word? Because you did such a great job of this.

[29:20] SP: Okay, let's start with how to find a feeling word.

That's interesting. See, I've been doing that for a while now. So sometimes once things are ritual, you don't even think about it, do it, which is a very good point to vote habits that you're taking the decision fatigue out of the way I think it's kind of like you're gonna send to yourself, where you're at right now present. And, but that's placed you know in the past, like it's you're not go to past and things that have been happening. And your thoughts and feelings about that? And then the present is in between the past and the future that you have thoughts and feelings about. And so it's a little bit like, what do I want to keep from the past? What do I not want? Sometimes it's even more powerful to say, what do I not want to repeat and just think of a positive word.

A word that embodies something that you want in your future. So I would say positive thinking has to be a positive or a generative word, for sure.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat. And it needs to be positive. 

[20:35] VL:  Yeah, I agree, that's great. For someone who is interested in starting a habit, what advice would you give to them?

[31:06] SP: start small, start with maybe just one thing and then build on it. That's one thing that I've learned a lot from you is habit stacking. Because once you have one habit, and it becomes habitual, meaning that you don't think about it anymore, you can then add things to that habit.

And so they become kind of like a multi-layered thing. Where one thing leads to another leads to another.

Given an example of my own life, wardrobe prepping the night before having my desk clear the night before my bag packed the night before so there's three habits that have to do with bedtime. We're preparing for the day ahead, the night before.

Which is maybe taking some time in the morning, even if it's just five minutes to be still and to take in the summertime. I take my coffee outside on the grass and I let my cat in so that it becomes a little ritual.

So that's then another thing is that once something becomes a habit, you can make it more meaningful for yourself, by ritualizing it and there's no hocus pocus involved. It's that you're, you're giving it meaning beyond the actual doing of thing. 

[32:46] VL: I think for people to understand those habits, yes, they are meant to be automated. But the intention for how I like to teach habits. It's not so that your life is automated. It's actually so that your life is intentional. And when you are intentional about your behaviors, those behaviors become habitually intentional, going in circles here, but that intention is often fueled deeper by a ritual type of habit. So it's not just oh yeah, I just naturally automatically get out. Make my morning beverage and step outside of my grasp on my cats. I'm mindfully pouring that beverage into a cup that makes me feel a certain way. I'm stepping out into the grass because I know that this is grounding and this is how I embodied those practices, and the intention of being with nature. Being with my cat. So I want to share that experience with her. And so this is the power of the stacking of the habits but also like you said, the feeling or the intention of it really all is interconnected. So I'm really glad that you share those, those parts of it too. 

Because really when you peel back the layers of all the work that we've done down to the root will use your language plans yes, we're down to the seed.

Thank you so much for sharing all of this on the podcast today. I'm glad you said yes to this conversation. because I feel like there was such a transformation within you in such a short amount of time. And not only like the short amount of time, but all of the things that you had going on within that container that we weren't together like the changes within that, that were not really in our control. But what were the things that we could do to make this more useful to make this more spacious and honestly you. You did an incredible job there was lots of growth (another pun there) and transformation so again, thank you so much.

[34:58] SP: Thank you Val for having me, you’re welcome! 

VL: I think a lot of people are going to benefit from your story, I’m really glad.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series

There is a lot that goes into creating habits, especially the more complex ones like social wellness habits! Here are ways to:

Cultivate Healthy Relationships,
Communicate Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas, and
Contribute to Your Community (Including Sharing Talents and Skills)…


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[00:29] Hi there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, this is your hostess with the mostess Valerie LaVigne and today we are continuing with our seven-part series all about incorporating habits in different areas of wellness!

Today features, part four: SOCIAL wellness.

If you’re new to the series, or to the podcast, welcome! My name is Valerie and I’m a certified Health Coach and Fitness instructor. My main focuses are with Healthy Habits and Pilates, although the podcast is more about the healthy habits side of my business, I do mention my pilates business once in a while! 

The women’s empowerment podcast is all about health, wealth, and happiness. This specific series covers the seven dimensions of health and wellness, which are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational. We break down one of the areas per episode and I’ve included scientific-based research as well as spiritual practices to implement the habits discussed in each episode. 

[01:34] If you haven’t listened to the other episodes in the series yet, don’t worry. They can be stand-alone episodes, however, each episode covers a separate science-based method. The science part of these episodes I find absolutely fascinating, and more importantly transferable for any type of habit you are creating!

For example, in episode one we talked about the power of understanding the science-based research of the benefits of your habits, as well as the research behind not doing the physical habits. This can be used for emotional, and social habits as well!

In episode two, I shared information all about four different brainwave patterns we experience through mindfulness, meditation, and sleep. These brainwaves aren’t just for emotional habits, but can also be helpful for creating physical, or intellectual habits.

And in episode three, I introduced the Habit Loop using self-directed neuroplasticity, and you guessed it! This can be supportive for building new environmental or occupational habits.

So technically, no you don’t HAVE to listen to every episode in the series, however I do recommend it, since the information is different for each one and can be used for any and all of your healthy habits!

[03:00] If you’re wondering what “Social Wellness” really means, “it refers to our ability to interact successfully in our global community and to live up to the expectations and demands of our personal roles. This means learning good communication skills, developing intimacy with others, and creating a support network of friends and family members. 

Social wellness includes showing respect for others and yourself. Contributing to your community and to the world builds a sense of belonging.” [source

Although there are many different ways to practice social wellness, I’ve chosen three examples that we will use in today’s episode:

  1. Cultivating healthy relationships

  2. Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

  3. Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

Let’s break these down to better understand them. The first example: cultivating healthy relationships, can be seen in many different ways. If this is the habit you would like to work on, I suggest asking yourself: what does a healthy relationship look like/feel like/sound like to me? 

Personally, I aim to treat people the way that I would like to be treated. This, as a general guideline, makes cultivating my current relationships easier to navigate because I use myself as a measure. Then as the relationship deepens, and I understand the other person more, I can adjust or balance with their own needs working together to create that healthy relationship.

If you’re looking for something more specific in terms of the habit, choose one relationship you have currently (perhaps a romantic partner, a friend, a co-worker, a family member), and ideate what that specific relationship means to you. 

  • Is it physical touch?

  • Is it more quality time?

  • Is it balanced communication?

  • Is it clear boundaries?

Once you have that answer, you can work on a more specific actionable habit.

The second habit example for today is: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am well aware that some people are naturally stronger at communicating these than others. And that doesn’t mean that this skill cannot be developed, it will just take some time and practice to build or strengthen this habit. 

As a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on this topic so I am excited to share some of my ah-ha moments and breakthroughs with you! In fact now that I’m talking about it, I feel like this is a great solo episode idea! 

If you want to specify this particular skill with certain habits, I recommend outlining where you feel most frustrated versus where you feel most satisfied. Where could you improve in this area? And where are you confident? This gives us a starting point, and it also shows us what strengths we currently have and can leverage. 

As an example, you may be a strong verbal communicator, but when it comes to writing out your ideas, thoughts or feelings, you freeze! We can create habits around using verbal and written communication together to improve.

The last habit example for today is: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills). I strongly believe that part of our human experience is to develop and share our personal talents and skills. Each and every one of us has a unique offer to give to the world. 

You may be listening and nodding along because you feel this deeply and may also know your own gifts. Or… perhaps your brow is furrowed and you haven’t aligned with your unique talent yet, and that is okay. If you resonate with the latter, and you’re looking at discovering your passion, I highly recommend listening to Episode 182 of this podcast as it can offer some valuable insights into achieving this clarity and connection to self!

Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

[07:17 ] The Science: Automation

Hopefully you’ve decided which social wellness habit to focus on. I recommend starting with ONE and you can stack, or build on to the first habit once it has been created. 

It’s important to mention, that just because you’ve decided to create a new habit or routine, doesn’t mean it becomes habitual immediately. It is our repeated actions that lead to habits.

And did you know that “various studies have shown that somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of what we do every day is the product of habit? That means that half of our lives [are] governed by what scientists term automaticity.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.153]

This includes actions from how we start our day, to how we interact with the world, and so much more in between! Anything you do without thinking is a result of habit, and is automatic. 

Since this is essentially how we conduct our lives, our habits largely determine our health, wealth and happiness! When we know how to change our habits, we are empowered to manage our days, and focus on behaviours that align us with the best versions of ourselves, and how we want to live our lives.

[08:37] The Science: The Habit Loop Recap

If you remember back to the last episode in the series Episode 192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked all about The Habit Loop.

As a recap, the habit loop has four components:

  1. Cue: this is the trigger to your habit.

  2. Craving: the urge or desire to motivate you

  3. Response: engaging in the action, thought, or behaviour

  4. Reward: the satisfying outcome you were craving

The “science” part of today’s episode builds on this habit loop. More specifically, we want to examine our bad social wellness habits and replace them with new healthy social habits. This is because, according to Dr. Elliot Berkman, director of the Social and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Oregon, “It’s much easier to start doing something new than to stop doing something habitual without a replacement behaviour.”

When we look at our examples, we can use the notes we made about what we want to improve, and what we already have going for us and begin to swap the negative or unhelpful habit with something better.

For example, cultivating healthy relationships:

Our romantic relationship lacks freshness and physical connection, and is strong in quality time together. Now we can use face-to-face quality time to bring in the “fresh” and “physical” parts of the relationship and connection we’re craving.

Or our second habit example: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas:

We are excellent verbal communicators, and want to improve our writing. Besides joining a writer’s workshop, we could open up a dictation app like Otter, and speak our thoughts aloud as the app dictates it. Then we can edit the dictation, such as cleaning up the punctuation or creating more flow and turn it into a blog post for our community.

OTTER APP

And of course our last social habit example: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills):

Again, re-listening to Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success to build our connection to self and discover our passions.

[11:00] The Science: Breaking Bad Habits

Or getting in the habit of cultivating and strengthening our unique gifts and passions through practice and perseverance.

When it comes to breaking bad habits and the effort to do so, Dr. Thomas G. Plante, adjunct clinical professor for the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, said, “It depends on how much you really want to break the habit. Many people are ambivalent. They want to lose weight, but they love the foods they eat. They want to reduce their alcohol consumption but love their happy hour. They want to stop picking their nails, but it reduces stress for them. So, one important issue is how strongly you really want to break the habit in question. Second, how established is the problem habit? It is easier to break a new habit than an old one. Third, what are the consequences of not breaking the habit? Will a partner leave you? Will you lose a job? Will you get sick? Will something really bad happen if you don’t change?” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

These are very great points and questions to consider, and many people don’t dig that deep when working on their habits, routines, and rituals. So they focus on surface level action, without understanding the deeper changes that need to and are taking place. Most people give up after a few weeks, or even days! Even though studies have shown that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit.

In the first episode of this series, Episode189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked about intention setting and understanding WHY we’re doing the specific habit. We identified the scientific benefits of doing the new habit, and the negative effects of not doing the healthy habit. 

[12:57] The Science: Motivation

Today, we’re going much deeper into habit motivation, so that we can better understand how this works beyond physical habits and into other habits, such as our social wellness habits. “Dr. B. J. Fogg created the Fogg Behavior Model to identify the circumstances that need to be present for behaviour change to occur. “For a target behaviour to happen,” he notes, “a person must have sufficient motivation, sufficient abilify, and an effective prompt. All three factors must be present at the same instant for the behaviour to occur.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

Basically you need three things in place for your habit to happen:

  1. Motivation: You need the desire to do it

  2. Ability: You need the skills to do it

  3. Prompts: And you need something to get you started in the habit loop AKA the “cue” from our habit loop

Let’s break these down deeper, and correlate them to our social wellness habits.

Motivation

Fogg identifies three key motivators:

  1. Pleasure/pain: Fogg says, “I believe pleasure/pain is a primitive response, and it functions adaptively in hunger, sex, and other activites related to self-preservation and propagation of our genes.”

  1. Hope/fear: Not as immediate as the first motivator, but rather focusing on anticipation of a good thing happening, or in terms of fear, a bad thing happening. Fogg notes, “This dimension is at times more powerful than pleasure/pain, as is evidence in everyday behaviour. For example, in some situations, people will accept pain in order to overcome fear.”

  1. Social acceptance/rejection: “The power of social motivation is likely hardwired into us and perhaps all other creatures that historically depended on living in groups to survive.”

As we understand these motivators, we can apply them to our habit examples.

Cultivating healthy relationships

  1. Pleasure/pain: feeling good or supported in our relationships versus feeling bad or abused

  2. hope/fear: hope for positive results and a happy future growing together, fear for separation/breakup

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: having healthy relationships and a vibrant social life is incredibly beneficial to our quality of life and has been shown to increase lifespan

Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

  1. pleasure/pain: confidence and wholeness of self expression versus holding in thoughts, feelings and ideas

  2. hope/fear: the hope that your thoughts, feelings and ideas matter, the fear of never sharing your truth

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: feeling seen and heard by others, versus people not liking what you have to share

Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

  1. pleasure/pain: self-expression and feelings of purpose, versus not feeling purposeful

  2. hope/fear: hope that you can make a difference in the world by sharing your talents, versus the fear that you don’t have gifts or talents or purpose

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: you help your community, your talents are rejected by your community

Ability

The second motivator, ability, is equivalent to simplicity. Not only are you capable of doing it, but it is EASY and simple to do. Fogg defines six categories of simplicity: [source: LIMITLESS book p.160]

  1. Time: we think something is simple when we also think we have the available time to take the action

  2. Money: similar to time, if something challenges our financial resources, it is no longer simple.

  3. Physical Effort: things that are physically easy to do are simple

  4. Brain Cycles: anything that doesn’t make us think too hard, too much, or too often

  5. Social Deviance: just like acceptance motivation, the simple action also fits into societal norms

  6. Nonroutine: How far out of the normal routine it is defines the level of simplicity

Since our social wellness habits are broad and require multiple people, interactions, and experiences, it can be challenging to see and create simplicity. Doing so will make your social wellness habits more successful!

When considering your own habits, draw the path of least resistance to achieving this new action, and refer to the six categories to help you create that easy way forward.

Prompts

The last of Fogg’s motivators is prompts, or “Cues” as we know them from our habit loop. Fogg notes three types of prompts [source LIMITLESS p.161]

  1. Spark: a type of prompt that immediately leads to a form of motivation

  2. Facilitator: this type of prompt works when motivation is high but ability is low.

  3. Signal: In some cases, you’ll have both high motivation and high ability. The only other thing you need to make a behaviour a habit is some kind of reminder or signal. 

Really understanding the science of motivation can help us build all sorts of habits. And prepare us for success and satisfaction in our relationships, communication, and connection to our communities. It’s important to want the new habit you’re starting, initiate the habit, and to create a cue or trigger that makes you want to do it (ASAP).

[19:05] The Spiritual

Let’s take a look at some spiritual tools and methods for creating new social wellness habits. In each of our series’ episodes I share crystals, essential oils, and sometimes other spiritual tools for enhancing our simple actions.

Here are 6 crystals for improving/enhancing social wellness habits:

[source

[source]

[source

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Rose Quartz: for compassionate chats

Blue Apatite: helps us to see things as they are, so we can speak our truth without feeling guilty for vocalizing our needs

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Aquamarine: for letting words flow

Carnelian: for confident public speaking 

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Laborodie: for bringing wisdom to your words

Sodalite: often called the stone of peace, for soothing anxiety and communicating authentically

Here are 6 essential oils for improving/enhancing social wellness habits. I’ve organized them into each of the habit examples for today’s episode.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Magnolia: Oil of Compassion

This essential oil connects people with the energy of the divine matriarch; a feminine spiritual source that expects individuals to treat one another with mercy and compassion. Magnolia is a tender oil and helps us live in love and harmony. It inspires us to engage with one another in empathy and by holding mirrors of each other. It reminds us that each soul is equally deserving of kindness and respect.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply to centre of the chest (heart centre), or crown of the head

Marjoram: Oil of Connection

This oil helps those who are unable to trust others or form meaningful relationships. Marjoram shows the barriers that have been formed as protection from others. It reveals unhelpful patterns and teaches us that trust is the basis for all relationships. It helps in increasing warmth and trust in social situations by softening the heart and healing past wounds.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over the heart and chest.

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Lavender: Oil of Communication & Calm

This essential oil helps verbal expression and calms the mind. Specifically it calms insecurities that are felt when one risks their true thoughts and feelings. It addresses a deep fear of being seen and heard and supports individuals in releasing the tension and constriction that stems from withheld expression. Lavender encourages emotional honesty and insists that one speaks their innermost thoughts and desires. 

Inhale from bottle or apply 1-3 drops over throat, temples or on nape of neck

Spearmint: Oil of Confident Speech

This oil inspires clarity of thought and confident verbal expression. Those who need spearmint, may hide their thoughts, opinions, and ideas by withholding their voices. Spearmint encourages inner clarity about personal convictions and opinions. It then assists individuals in translating that inner clarity into words.

Inhale from bottle, or dilute 1-3 drops with carrier oil and apply over throat.

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Cedarwood: Oil of Community

This essential oil brings people together to experience the strength and value of community. Those in need of cedarwood struggle to form bonds with social groups. Cedarwood supports people in seeing that they are not alone; life is a shared experience. It also assists in opening the awareness of people to support the system that is already available to them, such as friends and family. It invites people to both give and receive, so they may experience the strength of groups and the joy of relationships.

Inhale from a bottle, or dilute 3-4 drops with carrier oil and apply on arms, legs or bottoms of feet.

Neroli: Oil of Shared Purpose & Partnership

This oil is unifying and stabilizing. It’s helpful for calming troubled hearts in relationship conflict. It influences promoting harmony and acceptance and growth. Neroli helps in realizing deeper states of connection in intimate moments. It teaches us that unity blossoms from adaptation, cooperation, tolerance, perseverance, and kindness. It encourages active acceptance and supportive space. 

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over heart, sacral chakra (lower stomach), throat or behind the ears.


I also wanted to share some other helpful practices that I would file under spiritual sorts.

[22:12] This first practice, or theory is for the habit of cultivating healthy relationships. In the yoga philosophy there are Eight Limbs of Yoga. One of those limbs is called the YAMA-S, and as we’ve been discussing this dimension of wellness, I am reminded of one of the YAMA-S called “ahimsa” which directly translates to “non harming” or “non injury.”

It reminds me of this dimension because social wellness encompasses respect for others, and respect to ourselves. When practicing ahimsa, we are nonharming to ourselves and others through thought, action, or words.

Secondly, I mentioned early in this episode that, as a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on the topic of communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas.

One of my breakthrough moments was this past summer when I attended a virtual training with a gentleman named Mahfuz Chowdhury. 

Instagram: @mahfuzc 

He talked about storytelling and components of a killer presentation. I attended this training while I was also reading the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth, and I think this is why part of the presentation was so impactful for me. It was because Mahfuz has grit! He found his passion for public speaking, marketing, and storytelling and has learned to develop this skill with every opportunity possible. And if he isn’t public speaking, he’s working behind the scenes to master this craft. Talk about passion and perseverance! 

One of the things Mahfuz does is hook a mic up to himself when he is doing a speech or an interview or speaking engagement. This is HIS mic, not part of the production’s technology. He demonstrates grit by recording himself, and following the speaking engagement he re-listens to the recording and makes notes of where and how he can improve.

A lot of speakers will practice leading up to an event, but not many of them FOLLOW UP with their speeches. This goes beyond practice, and adds more intention and mastery to building this skill. It’s an excellent idea and I will be using this in my own skill development as well!

Thank you so much for joining me this week on another episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! It means so much to me that you’re here. I feel a bit speechless to share that we are almost at 200 episodes! And just shy of 80 000 downloads of the podcast! 

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! For showing up week after week. It is such a gift to read your reviews and messages about the show. If you haven’t already left a review for the podcast on Apple Podcasts, please do. It means the world to me and I read all of them! 

I have also just learned that I can only read reviews left in Canada, which I didn’t know before! So if you are from outside of Canada and leaving a review for the show, could you please screenshot your review and email it directly to hello@valerielavignelife.com !? I would love to read it and personally thank you for taking the time.

Sending you lots of love and blessings! I’ll meet you here next week for part five of our series: spiritual wellness! 

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions
 
 

E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jessica Stephens

Jessica Stephens is a corporate marketer turned social marketer, online entrepreneur and podcast host. She's passionate about supporting people in transforming their daily actions to be on purpose and love their life! Career, business, relationships, health, love all of it! She is a master networker and connector helping pair people with others and opportunities.

Her love for travel landed her a Pilot husband which fueled her desire to ditch the cubicle life for a carry-on bag, laptop and good wifi! When she's home you can find her in the kitchen churning up a batch of homemade gourmet ice cream and being the best plant mom she can be!


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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you to our very special guest today, Jessica students Jessica Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. 

Jessica Stevens: Well, thanks for having me Val. I'm excited to be a guest on the show. It's nice to sit on the other side of the microphone. 

VL: Oh my gosh, right. It's exciting. You don't get to or you don't have to do all the editing and all the backend stuff too, right? 

JS: You just get to show up and you talk and then you're gone. It's lovely.

VL: Now the two of us can talk for a while so I'll try to keep us on topic. But I'm really excited to have you here because you and I are both really big passionate advocates for healthy habits and a lot of where this comes from our own experiences and our story. So I'd love it. If you could tell us a little bit about yourself how you got into doing what you do. 

JS: Sounds good. So hi everyone, and thanks for having me on the show. A little bit about me. I am a Former marketer, corporate marketer. That was my education. I went to university for communications in the advertising industry and spent 15 year over there before going out and becoming a health and wellness entrepreneur.

That is where I learned how valuable habits and healthy habits were when I started my business and how good I wasn't actually. I had formed a lot of good discipline. Around habits from a younger age because I was a dancer. I was on sports teams. And I never really realized how useful they were in my life. became an entrepreneur. Obviously I use them throughout my career but they weren't as evident as they were when I started my business and started really putting discipline and healthy habits into daily practice.

So now I'm crazy about the habit habit hacker. I love having a healthy one. I try to implement as many of them into my life as possible, because it really just takes a lot of the stress off of your brain when it's put into autopilot and that I learned from my husband to actually really highlight this relationship.

We started our relationship. my life and my time and what I was doing with my time because spending time with him was something that I really that was really important. Finding those moments to streamline my day so that I had more time for us to be together physically with traveling and going out on Skype, if everybody remembers what that platform was way back in the day. Like daily habits really start coming into play. 

[04:43] VL: So cool! And they think it's something I want to highlight that you always had these habits but they weren't intentional. And I think this is really the key to cultivating habits and reaching goals is making sure that your habits are intentional because whether you realize it or not we all have habits and they're going to make us grow or they're going to lead us down maybe the unhealthy route or maybe they keep us stagnant. Right. So I'm so glad that you started to implement some of these different habits in your life. And I'm sure we're gonna take details of those. But something that I really love about your story is this transformation you talked about and I know you're wearing your necklace right now that people can't see but it's this beautiful silver dragonfly. So tell us a little bit about why this dragonfly symbol or this yeah, this dragonfly symbol is so important to you.

JS: Yes, I dragonflies are, I guess for lack of a better term my spirit animal and they always have been so I've been always connected to dragonflies for the longest time, right, like I would just see them flying. I would just identify with them. You know most people really gravitated towards butterflies as a symbol for transformation. But for me, it's the dragonfly. So, here's a little thing that maybe you don't know. So when most people think of transformation, a butterfly is probably the creature that comes to mind because of that transformation from Caterpillar to butterfly. It's pretty epic, right? You got you started as a cup of caterpillar. You go away and you Hakuna away from the world. Do all of this really massive change in the privacy of your town, and then you reemerge to the world as this beautiful butterfly. That's the process of dragonfly dragonflies. It is completely different. So dragonflies actually started out of water and they swam. And they have something that we call partial metamorphosis meaning they change a little bit each day, but not so much that they can no longer survive in their environments, aka the water. So they're still swimming but they're changing in these micro ways every single day. And they change and change until they get to the point where they can fling themselves out of the water, land on the shore, crack open their wings and fly as a dragonfly. For me that is much more attuned to what the humans are actually able to do. Because not many of us have the opportunity to pick up our lives and go to Bali and sit on a mountain and Eat Pray Love and do yoga and figure out all of our shit and then come back transformed and healed and all things like that's not real life. Most of us, most of us.

Most of us still have to go to work and still have to live in our stressful scenarios. Maybe we're at a job we don't love where maybe we're with a partner that we're not getting along with. Maybe we have all these financial stresses and career stresses like life is happening.

But how do you transform and change yourself while you're still swimming through the muck of your life? Like that pond like that dragonfly that knows. So for me, humans are much closer to what that dragonfly transformation is. And that is when true transformation can happen when you're actually able to do it in your same environment without ourselves and then that means those transformation and those habits and those new skills that you put it in tool that you've put into place for yourself, really stick and are helpful to you in the heart moments, not in the beautiful, peaceful, tranquil mountains of Bali. When someone is serving you higher. And you know, meditating and your cell phones not throwing off like anybody be peaceful, mindful and have a great time in that environment, but can you be your best self when all the stresses are coming so that's the difference between the dragon the butterfly transformation and the dragonfly transformation and why I love to teach the dragon fly methodology to people to really survive in life.

[09:35] VL: That is so cool. I had no idea about that. I had no idea. I knew dragonflies are off in the water but I didn't really understand the full transformation. So thank you so much for sharing that and honestly it is very relatable and you're right not all of us have that opportunity to go to Bali and eat all the tropical fruits and then come back and they're like yes, so you feel amazing. things are great. 

JS: Not that there's anything wrong with that, like I believe you should remove yourself, go to a new environment, get centered on all the things, but you also need to know that you can actually put those tools into practice in stress.

VL: I'm so glad you said that because part of my journey was I did the butterfly thing. I went to Guatemala and backpack Central America for seven months all by myself. And then they came back and I was like all right, I kind of have an idea of what this is. And guess what? You don't have to go to Guatemala to do it. You actually just have to change little things every single day. But he never knew about dragonflies. So this is really cool. So tell us how this works for humans. Give us some examples from those habits, those intentional habits and how you started cultivating this transformation for yourself in your life. 

JS: Yeah, so might you Val, I'm sure all of your most important habits take place in the morning. So I started with my morning routine. And really being intentional about the time in the morning. How I woke up, what I did, who I saw because when I was a stressed out workaholic, I think the alarm would go off or even sometimes before the alarm went off, my arm was extended. My hand went to the device and the BlackBerry was in my face. All within seconds of my brain turning on and all the messages and all the emails and all other people's fires and what was important to them. It was now training. My wife was setting the tone for my day. and everything about that day was about reacting and responding. To whatever was in that inbox.

So for me, it was taking control of the morning. That was the most transformational. So waking up, getting out of bed, getting water in my body.

You know, getting any ideas that I had that I had created in my mind through my dream cycles out and on paper and texture, so that if my day went sideways, it was recorded. Somewhere that I could go back to your site.

And you know you broke it down. So that's where our journaling started. That's where my morning practice started. That's where I started my day in a way that allowed me to not react to what was going to be coming next but how to show up in a way that spawns react. And also create because remember I was in our creative field I was in advertising and you know your worst is really your creativity and your ideas and what you can make from your mind and so securing that start by having a huge priority as I was leaving my career, but also as I was entering into this new space, but then it translated into another area of life. Okay, well now we're gonna look at how I feel about my body in the morning like what am I consuming? And I was not a breakfast person, not somebody in the morning because I was a coffee consumer right and so then that happened a certain change and I did a cleanse and I stopped drinking yet consuming a whole bunch of coffee beans.

And at the end of the class stay off the coffee not canceling because the coffee before birth. Because I used to drink my coffee with sugar. And I'm like I just don't want that extra sugar. So I stopped, so I actually haven't had a cup of coffee and probably 18 years now. But I have more energy. And then when I was ordering coffee and so then those habits are translating into one one energy sources and by putting in my body to help fuel me in the best way so I have the best results for the rest of my day. And last year because I knew that once I went into an office or when I started my day, you know, who knows the next meal that I always get again, right? Like how many of us skipped lunch and worked through it? Or you know, nibbles on a little thing and then three hours later, you're like, oh, it's still there and I never finished that sandwich or salad or whatever. So I started making sure that my morning and my breakfast were top notch because I had no true idea that I was going to get another next meal that day that was going to be anywhere close to my nutrition.

So that's where it really started. for me was just holding my money That time and what I put into my brain what I put into my body, and that actually helps me survive the rest of my crazy day so that I wasn't falling down And like grabbing, whatever, I can just shove into phase or just falling asleep from exhaustion and starting all over again.

[15:48] VL: yeah mornings can be so important because they will really set the tone for the day, not just sustaining yourself throughout the day but creating the intentional day from this totally healthy routine that you have. So I mean, listening to this, it sounds so simple. So wonderful. And the transformation just happened. Yeah, so obviously, you and I both know this, but perhaps we could talk a little bit more about it. Like when we want to create this incredible morning routine and we want to swap our coffee for something a little bit. more fuel efficient, if you will, and energizing. how do we get to this incredible morning routine that takes a little bit longer than if we just changed one thing for example. How do we make this epic morning routine?

JS: So for me, it wasn't trying to do an epic morning routine. I want to build because that's daunting. and that is.

So for me, I am all about the transition. Right? I am all about starting somewhere with any goal knowing what my goal is, but what are all the different stages that it's going to take to get there. if it takes me 20 steps.

That's my ultimate goal. That's okay. Because I would rather take 20 Small steps than five big leaps and stumbling up.

We're just going to make sure that you don't work the phones. Like get into the shower and wash your hair. Before you look at your phone. 

VL: And I think what's cool too is when you start to add in more than a diamond certainly can. Like you get this immediate confirmation or response and feeling of how good that feels because I've got that to where I'm like I just wake up at times are exposed by email or Instagram or Tiktok or whatever it is just consumed. But it was like okay, I'm gonna brush my teeth. I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm not gonna open my phone. Now I have to do all of these things before and it's almost like it's almost like in the beginning I was doing them faster so that I can get to those emails.

JS: But it’s just like crack, right?

VL: Yeah, it’s addictive. ANd we can use these devices to help us cultivate these habits.

JS: So yeah, step one is don't try and do them all at the same time. integrate them slowly. So map them out to be workable, which one is the most important to me? That if I change this one thing, and this is the only thing that I ever know that it can change, it'll have a drastic impact. On my day. Do that one first.

Give, do the one that's going to give you the biggest bang for your buck. Because you're gonna get that reward. You're gonna get that hit of dopamine, you're gonna get that serotonin levels are gonna start climbing and you're gonna start feeling better. And so when you're feeling better you're gonna be like a champ. I got this. I can do another one. And then you added another one.

Maybe not in the same category. So maybe yeah, step one was the phone. And then step two, is literally like Okay, drink the water.

Right just just drink the water and take your vitamins and you know, whatever other things that you swallow in the morning and use a habit that you already have to do it right. So if you're already doing one thing and you've got a good habit going about stacks and you want to do that one. So my example was more of a bedtime because what I do at night like most people brush their teeth when most right.

So yeah, like that was actually kind of the bread of flossing.

And so what I had to do was I had to floss and brush my teeth so that I can pick up the habit that I wanted onto the hammock and it was already good but anyhow I accidentally brushed my teeth first. My autopilot, brush teeth, spin my face, walk out the bathroom. No memory of flossing, right? So it's like floss first because at the end of the habit that you're already used to doing it. You already have a routine that you're already going to you're already starting before you even walk out of the bathroom.

So if you're going to habit stack, always put the newer habit you're trying to cultivate for the one that's already

VL: I love that. It's so it's just a little swap to do when you're starting to stack those habits. But it's really great because it's like you know what you're already doing and you can set yourself up for success by kind of like if you have a shower every morning, you want to start taking vitamins, put your vitamins in the bathroom where you shower, if that's possible, right. And then take your vitamins as you're getting ready to go to the shower. It's so simple.

JS: Yeah, so yeah, just setting your environment up to write like eliminating things out of sight. I really think out of sight out of mind like why can't see it and there's a good chance I'm not doing it. So that can work for you and I can work against you. So the things that you keep putting them in your past. Got to trip over them and then be like, Oh yeah, and if you don't want to do something more than she would have to say if you don't see it, it's not there. It's like any big cookie jar.

VL: Totally.  I love that. Let's think of a couple examples that would make Baker goals that we could break down into tiny habits. So I'll put you on the spot here. Can we do a health goal,  business goal, and a third goal, surprise me. 

JS: Okay, so healthy. You want to start eating cleaner. and that can be daunting for people because they are associated with the diet. Right? This isn't a diet just adding some help to your day.

So it's just starting to swap, swap some things so let's use that breakfast that morning. Like autopilot is like coffee, the warm beverage of choice for you in the morning. Maybe that's just because you're just so used to the smell of it when the routine of it or whatnot. Well, let's swap that out. Give yourself water or tea. You're still getting that beverage experience for your body.

What you're consuming is dramatically cleaner for your body than the coffee. 

So that’s something that adds to being healthier in a day. but instead of smothering that bagel bagel with cream cheese maybe decide to slather on that bagel. Say that you're getting so good with these proteins that it is going to ask you for a lot longer and that vary based products that may not realize might have some no effects on your body consumed couldn't be lactose intolerant. or you could have a dairy allergy that's not so severe that's Have you run break out in hives or anything like that. but maybe that dairy and Dale are dairy intolerant. so minor. That is just making you, you know, a little bit congested. It's operating properly.

Like I don't know if anybody out there suffers from allergies, and your eyes are watering whatever it is you just feel like no one's performing their best way to structure your destiny. 

So, it's trading in one thing for somebody else that could have a better positive impact on how your bond.

[25:20] VL: Yeah, that's fine too because it's much easier to replace an existing habit than it is to just add in or just eliminate it altogether. So yeah, it's awesome. 

JS: Or maybe it's Hey, you're used to drinking juice in the morning. So you have that, you know, sweet liquid going into your body. Okay, well, let's add a scoop to that juice. So you're now getting a full serving of vegetables. With that juice, it's not just the juice.

VL: yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Right. It's like, think of what you're already doing. What can you add? Or what can you swap with? and we're like, yeah, and make it like a small change to right. back to what you said about the tiny changes. Okay, so let's do one more for our 

JS: Okay, so let's do one more for our business. You have a goal you want to achieve a certain number of enrollments by the end of the month, right, whether that be new customers or repeat orders, oryou know what, how, what what number is it? That is a goal for you so set the goal set the GPS, because you we don't know where we're, we can't do anything without GPS. We don't. We can't map it out until we know where we're going. So you got to set a goal. Even if the goal scares the bejesus out you're like, makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit being like, there's you have, you've never had this number before ever in your business, like having a $10,000 or $100,000 month or whatever that number is for you as a business owner, or enrolling 20 new clients, or like whatever the number is, I want you to think of a number that would literally have you jumping up and down with sheer giddiness that you would do a happy dance for If you hit and then I want you to double it.

VL: Those are big hairy scary goals!

JS: Those are big, hairy, scary goals. Because the big mystery is the one that you have to put on the post on the mirror that you stare at you like, oh gosh, because here's the thing, like the goal that you set for yourself that is obtainable.

You;ll be like, well that’s possible. I can do that. But it may not force you to do things that you've never done before. Because maybe you've actually gotten close to that goal before or maybe it was. You actually did it once but it was only once and it was like a long time ago and you're like, like the star is just allowing it to happen. Your brain.

You know how to do it. So you're not going to actually make any changes to your daily interactions to do it. You have to double down, you gotta make the goal that much bigger to force your body to do things it's never done before you're like okay, well if I need to, if I need 50 new clients to my club.

Well, that means I need to have 10 times more conversation like if you want 50 Well, that means you need to talk to 100 people and tell them about it to get 50 The sign out and if you need to actually talk to 100 people to tell them about the program.

250 people are you hearing and in order to ask 250 people to hear about the program. Well then you actually need to reach out to 500 people for half of them to even acknowledge you and respond to you to say yes, half of them do actually hear it. Okay, and half of them to actually decide, yeah, I want that and then sign up.

So you have to like it, keep doubling. It's kind of the numbers.

But for you to be like alright, I'm gonna involve six new people to my gym this month.

I'm gonna, and I'm just going to talk to the same amount of people that I did last month when I signed up five. That's not going to work right?

VL: yeah, I like that. And I think knowing your numbers is going to be really helpful in creating those tiny habits that you're going to be doing every day and it's really about taking action. And kind of like getting you in that excited like, Ooh, this is a little bit scary. You know, I'm feeling a little rumbling in my tummy but you know this is, this is good, right? 

And then it's exciting. And then you start to see that growth over time. And I think that's what's really something we haven't talked about yet is like not only stacking habits, not only enhancing those small things and taking the small actions but tracking the progress along the way and looking back like gold this month to sign up with 50 people and by the end of the month. I reached it. I reached 35. Let's say we like we're close we did more than the month before but we didn't hit our big hairy scary goal. 

Okay, what can we do? What can we do differently, what worked what didn't and then using that information and using that data to move forward with the next hairy, scary goal or try to be the previous thing, right and yes, and then being able to see your progress and see how you've been able to evolve and transform and become this healthier version of yourself. Like not only are you feeling those small changes day to day, but you can start to see them over time too. And I think that's really impactful, especially when things get tough. And you need that consistency. The only thing that I the thing that people need to remember is it's not about that first month's goal whether you can it or not. 

JS: It's about the activity that you did to start getting you there and that you keep doing even when you don't hit the goal the first month, because now you're in momentum. And momentum means that you're now in this rhythm and this groove the habits are now it's now getting easier for you to talk to those 10 people every single day.

Or ask those 10 people every day or reach out whatever that action is for you.

Pass the day 30 So that because we all know that it takes about 28 days to create a habit. Right so if you start doing this for you know those first 2830 days, your results are not what you wanted them to be. Don't stop because the real results of those first 30 days is actually going to show up the days

that you've planted don't all sprouts, Bloom or grow at the same rate at the same time.

​​And so that's that's what people will see people getting hung up is I only did it for 30 days and even when it started getting easier near the end, and they got into the groove at the stock because they're like, Oh, I said I was gonna do it for 30 This was the goal at the end of the month. No, keep going.

Because now you're in the groove. Now you're in momentum and that's what is actually going to pay you forward 10 times more than the first step. Right. It's going to take even less time for people to convert it to take less time for people to get back to you. Now because you've practiced so much you've gotten the marbles out of your mouth. You find two new messages. You realize what wasn't working in those first few reach as you did. You've now gotten it tightened. Seisen you're now seeing which ones actually people, you know, responded to.

This way. This is like a little bit of A/B testing in that first 30 days too. So that's the other key thing is once you got that the habit of doing the action going, don't stop.

[33:40] VL: Amazing. It's so true. And I think a lot of that time like you said that in that 30 days. It's a lot of a testing period. And it's a lot of overcoming some some obstacles, but you'll also start to notice that yes, it becomes easier to have it but we might not be doing it every single day right at the beginning right so we don't have that momentum yet. We don't have that. That action every single day yet.

So important. Well this has been incredible. And I feel like there are so many takeaways that people can start with today to really start that momentum and start that and create that transformation for themselves.

We do have one more section of the show. But before I get to that, I wanted to ask you is there something that hasn't been said? Today that you really want to leave people with?

JS: Healthy habits are your best friend. Healthy Habits is the thing that you can turn to in crisis that will support you through whatever it is you're going through. Healthy habits will encourage you to keep going.

Healthy Habits are truly the thing that will be by your side for the rest of your life. No matter who comes to you and your habits are the only thing that you'll have forever

VL: I'm going to make that little quote so that everyone can have that in their paper on their phone in their computer. Everywhere. I love it. So my dear Jessica, where can we find you? Where can you how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM @jess.loves.life

TIKTOK @jess.loves.life

WEBSITE http://jessicastephens.ca

VL: We have a rapid fire round to finish things off. There are four questions I will ask you, are you ready?

  1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

JS: The Calling: 3 Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good

  1. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

JS: Empowerment. Courage because you don’t need confidence to do things. Have the courage, have a single tool to tackle and empower themselves and empower others.

  1. What is your longest standing habit?

JS: My longest standing habits… Okay, so I still have 42 have my baby born from when I was really interesting. And I sleep with her, as a married woman, she's I go everywhere with her I travel with her. So she is she is my longest relationship.

And part of my nighttime routine is grabbing pinkie and snuggling and thinking about my day.

And kind of having like a little conversation with her truly, of like talking about what I did that day and whatever. Like she was like my confidant. So she is like my longest standing relationship.

My longest standing habit of snuggling into bed with Pinky.

VL: follow up question with for that. Is there a drag fly on it?

JS: no she’s just pink.  I did give her a facelift. So you know how they like it's come with like the border. So she had started to kind of like, you know, fray out. And so I think it was when I was like 20 Something she got new ribbon around the edge.

She got another update again. So yeah, she's gotten a couple of facelifts. But she's so beautifully attacked in one piece. 42 years later. 

  1. What are you currently working toward?

JS: I am working towards a lot of things. I am one of those people who can't just do one thing.

So I got a lot of things on the go. One thing that I'm working towards is growing my podcast and show that just, you know, the best space for people to come and share their stories and growing that community of listeners. So that's one thing I'm working on. Another thing I'm working on my business, helping a lot of people get control of their health with healthy habit programs that I got going on to show them how easy it is to incorporate some good healthy habits in so that's something else I'm working on. And third is I'm working on some fun homes, on red o's and home projects, outdoor gardens, filling my space with beautiful plants. So I'm a new plant mama and I'm working on growing my like my plant collection.

VL: Thank you so much for spending time with us today. Thank you so much for sharing all of this incredible wealth of knowledge you have. I am so excited to to share this episode with the audience. And like I said, I'll make sure that everyone gets the links to everything that you're doing and everything that you're up to at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash Jessica. Thanks again. Jessica. And I hope we continue these conversations more, maybe on the podcast, maybe online, maybe both places. But I do have to say thank you so much for everything that you do for how you show up for how you share this incredible story of transformation and the dragonfly I think it's really empowering and really inspiring and I'm so glad that we've been connected. Thank you.

JS: So fun, I love Thanks for having me in your space with your people. It's always just a huge thing to be trusted with an audience and Share. share the little knowledge that I have with the world. And I, I'm sure there'll be other collaborations between you and I have a feeling that will be partnering on some really cool habit stuff in the future!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E187: June 2022 Alignment Report
 
 

E187: June 2022 Alignment Report

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially…


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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne – It is SO GREAT to have you here today!

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially.

[00:49] Something I do at the beginning of every month is what I call an Accountability Meeting. You can get a behind the scenes look at this in episode 132.

Okay, back to the Accountability Meeting. This is a meeting I have with myself where I go through the previous month and track certain things in my business. I also use this time to set goals for the upcoming month. I’ve been doing this for YEARS and the ritual has evolved a little over time, which is great because my business has also evolved over the years.

I’ve recently started changing a few things in my accountability meeting, and I’ve adapted these new changes from a dear friend of mine, Chantelle. Chantelle is an Educator for Entrepreneurs and has a podcast called Aligned Action – I’ll link to her website + podcast.

Chantelle has not only been a great business bestie of mine, but we’ve also worked together on several projects including my website and branding, my pilates studio’s website, and hosting each other on the podcasts.

I enjoy her well-thought-out podcast episodes, and usually listen to them while I’m out for a “Hot Girl Walk” – which side note can we change this trend to “Healthy Girl” putting it out there!!

Anyway, on Chantelle’s podcast she has a series you could call it, which is a monthly Alignment Report. It’s super similar to my monthly accountability meeting and I’ve recently adapted her alignment report as part of my monthly meeting.

Chantelle goes over:

What felt in alignment?

What didn’t feel in alignment?

And meaningful actions she took that month.

My adaptation is:

What felt good + how can I experience more of this?

What didn’t feel good + how can I improve or adjust this moving forward?

What actions did I take to stretch myself out of my comfort zone + any specific meaningful actions?

Okay so it’s super similar LOL but I do have some other parts of my meeting that are different from these questions.

I really do enjoy this Alignment Report, so as a way of shamelessly promoting my friend (who isn’t an official sponsor btw), and also taking you behind the scenes into my business and life, I am sharing my June Alignment Report with you!

Here we go!

[03:38] THE GOOD

Let’s start with the good:

I started the month with a really cool Funnels workshop and it wasn’t what I expected at all. It wasn’t your usual webinar with a step-by-step formula, but instead a model that allowed for customization and intimacy with your customers for a more organic customer experience. I’m really excited to implement more of this into my own business – coming soon.

At the beginning of the month I also blocked off an entire day just for “ME!” I got my hair done, my nails done, and made reservations at a local Mexican restaurant with THE BEST SPICY MARGARITAS in town! I really enjoyed this day and it felt very in alignment and also gave me such great energy and high vibes for the month.

This was my first month on TikTok – follow me @vallavignelife – and I intended to post once a day, which was going great for like 9 days and then… woomp/woomp I’ll talk more about that later. HOWEVER in alignment was that I threw myself out there and had fun and the feedback has been awesome! Reworking my strategy for this for sure!

One of the new members of the Healthy Habit Membership and I had a 1:1 call this month and it was a follow up call from the month before. She’s been implementing a new evening routine to help her have more meaningful and supportive mornings. I really want to share something that has been working really well for her with this new routine is actually that she has TWO different evening and morning routines because she works two very different jobs.

We kept it very simple with evening routine A and evening routine B, for job A and job B. With an easy-to follow outline or checklist of things she chose to include in each of the routines. It might sound like a lot for starting a new habit, but she was already incorporating these things into her routines, what she lacked was consistency. 

To help her she printed off one of my basic trackers and wrote out the two different evening and morning routines on the back and made any notes inside the tracker on the front. We did this together. I know it’s simple, but sometimes these super simple actions don’t get done BECAUSE they’re so easy and we think we’re going to get to them later.

A month after our call, she had gotten into a great flow of morning routines, and we made some tweaks to the evening routine. From implementing this evening routine, we actually discovered that it would be more helpful if we made this her “PM” routine and she did the tasks right after work for a smoother transition into a more relaxing evening. So far it’s going really well for her!

I blocked out more time than usual for social events and dates with friends this month which felt really amazing. I was able to say YES to invitations like being a part of my friend Tasha’s photoshoot for her new meditation studio!

I also won a Fascia Stretch Therapy session at my gym and it was so wonderful and I definitely need more of this in my life.

The last thing that felt really great for me, and in alignment was getting back into sending out a weekly email, but this time doing it SOOOOO differently. Before I was batching the emails and they were boring and about each podcast episode – but like teasers of them. Anyways BLAH that’s boring hahaha

So now they’re fun and I write them within 72 hours of sending it so it’s more real-time, real-emotions sort of deal. I also have a new section to the email called “Keepin’ it Fresh!” This will be a little different each week with links to funny videos, cool finds, or items to shop. I’ve been collecting links and adding them to my notes app so I have a relevant library when I sit down to write the email.

All of these things were “HELL YES!” for me this month and I’m super grateful for them.


[10:30] THE BAD

Now… the not so great or aligned parts of my business and life.

This month was a real kick in the ass when it came to creativity. Oh My LANTA! I really struggled with producing content or cool ideas – nothing really excited me and I just really didn’t like that feeling. It took me some time, but I realized that I wasn’t actually “doing nothing,” but rather in a phase of YIN + receptivity. When I came to this realization and fully allowed myself to surrender it was like a veil had been lifted and I was able to connect a bit deeper to my creativity. But I REALLY had to let go – which was super challenging for me because I have a lot of type-A tendencies. If you haven’t already listened to last week’s episode called Flow Over Force, I talked a lot about this and how to shift into more of a flow state, even when you aren’t feeling so motivated to take action. 

This month on TikTok was really the beginning of an experiment, and if I’m being 100 percent honest I had no idea what I was doing and I was super scared because I heard a lot about bullies on TikTok LOL

So far I haven’t had any interactions with trolls, but I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I think the reason why this feels out of alignment is because:

  1. The app isn’t about aesthetics – and if you’ve been on my instagram you know I’m about this and it’s one of the things I love about instagram (@vallavignelife) 

  2. I haven’t been feeling that creative zhuzh + desire to take action so it’s really a combination of these things

In terms of changing things up and making improvements though: I’ve been doing a lot of “research” to see what the eff is going on over on the app and how I feel most comfortable showing up – I have some ideas and have been feeling more excited about them and about acting on them.

This month my boyfriend Craig and I were supposed to go camping. We took time off work, bought some new camping gear, packed for a two night adventure with lots of backcountry hiking, and we started driving to our destination. About half way through the drive (1.5 hours on the road) we checked the weather since it was touch and go thunderstorms and saw that it was going to start raining the moment we arrived and not really stop until we were scheduled to drive back home.

UUGGGH. Camping is already a challenge for us, but camping in the rain is pretty miserable. As much as it sucked to turn around and drive back home, we made the 3 days off worthwhile with some local hikes, sleeping in (in our comfy/warm/dry bed), and spending quality time together. The reason why I’m putting this in my not-aligned category is because I was secretly manifesting not doing it because I am not in as great of shape as I was last year when we did this hike - or the couple years before that when I also did a lot of intense hiking with a heavy pack. 

What’s even more tough for me to admit is that this wasn’t the last time this month that I was feeling anxious about something and was crossing my fingers that the rain would postpone and truth be told… this is NOT like me. Yes I get nervous, but I do NOT back out of things.

I am realizing that my lack of creativity and motivation has been trickling into other areas of my life and not in a positive way. It wasn’t until I really ALLOWED myself to be open and to receive and recognize that I was in a YIN state that I felt “safe” and “okay.” I was mostly experiencing guilt and shame.

The other event was a huge outdoor pilates class that I taught last year. Yes, last year I had butterflies in my tummy and there were 120 people there last year – but this year… This year I was super nervous and secretly not wanting to teach. It’s difficult for me to explain why, because I’m not really sure why – other than what I mentioned before and the lack of motivation.

HOWEVER I did teach the class, and it was really incredible, which actually leads me into the final section of this alignment report: 

[21:20] THE MEANINGFUL

The meaningful actions out of my comfort zone.

  1. Posting videos on TIkTok despite my untrue fears of online bullies

  2. Teaching an outdoor pilates class to around 80 people and feeling totally in my zone of genius while doing it + it reminded me how much I love pilates + love sharing it with people 

  3. Visiting a new pilates studio out of town to try out a new teacher and space. I think this makes me a better teacher and studio owner 

  4. Connecting to my gut-response. I’ve been asking myself “yes or no questions” and tapping into the gut instinct to make decisions. I’ve been using this strategy in as many areas of my business and life as possible – and it actually led me to creating this particular podcast episode, among other aligned opportunities!

  5. I started working with my business coach and our second call is later today but so far it’s been amazing and I’m excited to see what will transpire!

  6. Letting go of the need to take action and totally being in my feminine/receptive/yin phase and consciously allowing invitations and opportunities into my life!

Well I hope you liked this new podcast episode and I guess it was also a bit of a behind the scenes into my business and life. Let me know what you thought of this episode by screenshotting the show + tagging me on instagram @vallavignelife or you can simply DM me there – a few more of the listeners have been connecting with me and I have to say I really LOVE IT!

If you aren’t yet on my email list and you want to be, you can download the Habit Tracker and/or Dream Life Roadmap some of my freebies that also get you access to my weekly email full of bonus goodies!

Share with me what felt good, bad, and meaningful for you this month, I’d love to hear it! Meet you here next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali
 
 

E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali

Sharana is a divorcee by choice and single mother to a strong willed, confident, firecracker who she knows will one day change the world. For Sharana’s entire life, she followed the rules and played society's game to 'success' only to realize at 29 she was miserable. She felt empty and a little bored that 'this was all there was to life'. Having her daughter was the kick in the pants she needed to make huge life changes, and really start to live the life she wanted. Through this process BOSS was created; a collective built around Brunch Opportunities and a Support System. Sharana found quite often, there wasn't a space that she could show up and just be herself without shame or embarrassment - she wanted a fresh start, so she created it. 


Through BOSS Sharana encourages folks to turn taboo topics into table talk and show them through her example, what it looks like to redefine happiness, love and success. 


It was only through choosing separation, being a single mom and creating a space that felt like home did she realize her potential and power.


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Valerie LaVigne: Hey, Sharana, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here today. And I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner, but whatever. The world works in mysterious ways. So, welcome to the podcast. I'd love for you to Yeah, I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're at in your journey currently and how you got here.

[02:12] Sharana Ali: Yeah, it's so interesting and it actually feeds into my journey so accurately and so well, first of all, my name is Shanna. And I'm the owner, founder and face of a company called boss the sixth edition. And boss is an acronym for brunch opportunities in a support system and the entire mandate. What I stand for behind BOSS is bringing taboo topics to the table. And what I mean by that is the things you just unfortunately can't turn to a sibling about or parents about or your close friends. Because the reality is they know the backstory and they come with their own sort of suspicions and intuitions and you kind of just want a fresh pair of eyes for the first 30 years. That's why I created BOSS to have those conversations that may trigger fear or anxiety or worry in other circles. This is the circle before it. Interestingly enough, Valerie you and I met at such a pivotal time in my life. Because I was never like this. I was never the one to pick up on who I was when we first met. That is I remember actually sitting in that room. And we had to introduce ourselves. I don't know if you remember this, but we had to introduce ourselves and I was newly separated at that time like brand spanking new and I remember saying like, “Hi everyone I'm Sharana and recently separated.” And I remember my ear, my eyes peering around the room to see if anybody was judging me. The reality is no one gave a crap at all. They were like, “Okay, hi.” But to me, I was like, holy moly. I'm showing up broken and these people are like, I don't care, right, like you're here. It's so funny. 

And now, you know, two or maybe even three years later, I feel like I've come full circle because even in those moments of potential brokenness, and I intentionally use what potential I'm so for now, I feel so all because I was once broken. So that is a little bit of my story. Yes, I'm a divorcee by choice. I'm a single mom and a business owner. 

I work in the Ontario government, and literally all that in a bag. I am really kind of seeking global domination within my own way, right. And I think that's also part of the boss world. Like I am really encouraging folks to define what success looks like and feels like for them. It's not always, you know, having a crazy amount of money in this big house and this fancy car it really is, you know, different for every person and I think along the journey of developing who I was and realizing my potential, I also can't just terms with the fact that like me, being successful is having flexibility and being happy and being able to you know, pick up my kid whenever I want to ensure you know, being able to go to university if she wants to without having to worry, it's not necessarily kind of the material.

But it took me time to get there because I was once a dreamer. That's that you know, ik like, yeah, I want to have a car. I want the white picket fence. I want you to know about the golden retriever in the yard but in my experience that unfortunately didn't lead to happiness and led to a lot of emptiness.

And now, I don't really care for the house. I don't care for the car like I do. What I do care for is you know, on weekends, I can take my kid on a picnic. We can, you know, travel if she wants to.

Yeah, but that shift is noticeable.

[05:44 ] VL: Wow, it sounds like you've gone through so many transitions and so many shifts and even since you've met which I think was I think like three years ago now that's crazy.

Even then to see you grow in all these different ways. I mean, you have so much going on, and it's really inspiring to watch all of it. And one of my questions is, what was that pivotal shift for you when it came to you stepping into who you are and your true self and finding that voice and being able to share yourself authentically. Like what was that shift for you to get there?

[06:21] SA: Yeah, there was a lot that came into play. When I would say for me, going through the process of getting a divorce was the thing that really just shot me forward. Like I had no choice but to stand strong in my beliefs and to believe in who I was because prior to that, I can't even say I knew who I was. I didn't really know what I stood for. I kinda was what I call society's success was like, you know, you go to school, you get married, you get the house for you, you have the family and then again, like I was saying we're supposed to guarantee happiness. And because there was a secret sauce to getting divorce and then finding happiness. 

I kind of had to forge it on my own. So standing strong in that is what really kind of goes with the entire process, I think, but also realizing that I and I hate to say this because it really is most important to have yourself. I knew though I have the pressure of little eyes watching and I didn't want her to see me living a life that wasn't should I never wanted to be the type of person or the type of mom or you know, answer to any of our friends even to say like, Hey, I want you to go for it. I want you to feel your dreams and I want you to live large. 

While I wasn't doing that, right? It really was that hard reality but if I want those around me to walk the walk, or you know to talk to talk, I also need to live and do exactly as I'm preaching. I think for me I really had to break and it was, you know, my divorce, becoming a single mom, navigating the potential of, you know, gossip or you know, people doubting my authenticity. It really was allowing myself to sit in there and self reflect on who I was and what I stood for that kind of put me on that trajectory upwards but once I was like, you know, I heard I've hit ground about buying I'm like, Yes, I'm divorced. Yes from a single mom.

 Yes. I have no idea what I'm doing. Now what are you going to say about me because you know what? I'm going to tell you first, like what I perceive as all through my phone before anybody else.

And then once I kind of owned that and realized that, hey, those depths I'm going to cover in my life.

That's where my power stems from. It's those moments where I have no choice but to arrive now. I think that's kind of what lit the fire under me more than anything else. Right? It's realizing that, hey, no one's gonna do this for you. Right? Like, you could have a great support system. You can have a great family, you could have amazing friends. You could have the entire world but ultimately, if you don't do it for yourself, no one's gonna do it. I mean, talk about a harsh reality but it really is. The case. Right? And I think we see it on so many different levels. You know, I'm gonna use a silly example here. If you want to read a book, I mean, sure you can get an audio book and have it read to you but it's so different when you pick up that book and read it right you have this a completely different experience. I think it's the same with light if you want certain things out of life.

Nobody that I know has ever had to do whatever they want on a silver platter, right. They've had the work and will ask the work in progress. It meant so much more to them so much more gratifying.

[10:10] VL: So true. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. And I think to like, especially if anyone's listening to someone who is new to their business or your journey in their life, like the beginning part of it, where it's like, oh, everyone makes it look so easy. It's like oh, no, no. Easy. Yeah. Well, there are times when Yeah, it's rewarding and yeah, it's worth it but oh my goodness gracious. Like the obstacles that we have to go through and climb and overcome. It's pretty. It's pretty incredible. So as you're stepping into this new power as you're finding your voice out, you're realizing like yes, I have a daughter who's looking up to me, but this is also I gotta show her that this is for me so that she has permission and you do this with your branches too as you're like, listen, we're all here together. We all found each other. We're here to cultivate this authenticity in ourselves. That's how it is with all the things you have going on, and yes, you have a lot of support as well, but how is it that you can kind of can you how have you cipher through that outside noise? Like how do you know where your intuition is, what your wants and needs are versus everything else and everyone else going on around you? How do you follow that? inner voice that inner knowing?

SA: It's hard like it is hard. Is it hard. There's no question. There's no golden key or you know, like a golden door that you walk through as they are right. I am healed. This is great. It really is trial and error. But it's trusting who you are through all of the emotions and emotions is trusting that you will be there for yourself when you're at your highest high and your lowest low and it's given to my brunches. One of the things that I often ask folks to consider is how they normalize luxury and how they normalize that and really what that looks like and what it feels like for them and the reason that I do that is because for me ultimately I want people to understand that you know, whatever it is because I whether it be success, whether it be a you know this luxurious life, however it's defined that ultimately comes back to them.

And through that, I think that's exactly exactly what it is. Right? It's it's allowing yourself to feel it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. It's you know, being able to look in the mirror and recognize who that person is. I heard someone say earlier this week actually through their their healing journey that no matter what they were able to look themselves in the mirror every morning and smile and I thought to myself like that's so interesting to me because I remember a time in my life where I would look in the mirror and have no idea who that person was staring back at me like I I just I mean I knew is me, but I I didn't I couldn't even recognize myself. And I think that that is the moment where so many of us need to kind of pull the band aid off and really analyze what is happening around them and what like what's in their world that is making them question who they are what work and it could be ourselves like I often find we're our own worst critic. But it really is it's tapping into yourself and trial and error like it's there's no one stop shop unfortunately, like it really is allowing yourself to make the space allowing yourself to jump and take risks, allowing yourself to know that even if you're not flying up to those risks that you're gonna catch yourself. and it takes a lot of trust and I keep using that word but it really does because at the end of the day as good as it sounds, I truly do believe nobody has your back by yourself. and that's not to say you can't trust people, you can't have good friends. But ultimately at the end of the night, you know, when you're sleeping or when you're in your thoughts. It's you, it's just you, right.

[14:12] VL: Mhmm So, I mean the trial and error is definitely accurate. 

You kind of It's like a It's a journey: self discovery. It's not like oh, I decided to meet this person today and I have done but if someone was in the beginning of this and they're thinking okay, like what kind of questions can they ask themselves? What kind of clues can they look for? What sort of feelings do they want to be connected to or maybe like ideas or thoughts that come up with what are we listening to, what are we what are we trying to follow here? Because obviously like trial and error, it's like okay, I did it now what, what's what's like the criteria that we're looking for? 

SA: One of the things that really helped me is I would actually mind map and I did this at the very, very beginning when I felt very lost, I would sit with that length and just write down any feeling that came to mind. And there it was a whole bunch of times.

And I feel like the more that I did that the more that I was able to express myself because verbally I could not do it. I did not have that courage or even know how to explain how it was fitting, but just writing it down really, really, really helped me to understand where my mind was.

Like, I think your body physically also sends you signals like if you if something comes your way and you get that tingling in your stomach, but to me that is your intuition saying like, hey, heads, and it could be heads up. This is something great that's about to happen or a heads up like just watch your path this may not be for you. I think it really is listening or tuning in to the signs your body gives you if your head is hurting after like, you know your job one day. If your body is saying,” Hey, listen to me!”. You know if you are exhausted at the end of the week, if you're one of those people that like to live for the weekend, because of your behavior Monday to Friday, that is your body saying like, hey, we made some changes here. Like there's something happening here. I remember even as I was like that, and it happens even to this day.

I've always had stomach issues to be honest with you like it's always been very weird. And I remember there would be days when I was going to like, particularly my divorce from my early days of single motherhood, where I would have absolutely no appetite and I love like I thrive on branching. If I can do anything for the rest of my life, I swear to you I would want to eat around the world and just write about it and share it and like to get people to get an overview like I love food so much. And I would go days without eating.

Just because I was like I'm not hungry, like I don't want to eat I have no appetite. And one day I remember my sugar level ended up dropping a painting. and I was like, this is literally my body was feeding me like shred I get your act together. you need to take care of me so that you can take care of everything.

It really and I mean these beggar view anybody listening to this to not let it get that drastic. But it is those little signs right. It's your eyes like if your eyes are feeling a little bit weary. Your heart is racing over something and your stomach is a little bit queasy if you're feeling little aches and pains, right. Those are physical signals. I mean mentally as well. If you're not sleeping at night, because your mind is racing.

You got to do some thinking there. Right? I mean, also emotionally if you're thinking of something persistent.

And you know you're extremely upset or really sad. That's also emotionally your body triggering you right to say like, Hey, we got we got to work through this together.

I think for me, those were the signs that I look for more than anything else. Right And and I think unfortunately, particularly in the culture that we live in physical symptoms and I hate to admit this but I think it is the reality physical symptoms unfortunately outweighed the emotional and mental symptoms that so many of us are feeling but I think you know yourself for right and even to tap into who that person is and try to remember a time where you were you the happiest or the most free and what I mean by that is like, before you had all these people that showed up, or you were like, I don't know, for instance, I'm just gonna use myself before I was a mom where I was, you know, a wife, or I was, you know, the owner of a business or I worked in the corporate world or, you know, just stripping away all those layers who I wasn't what I felt like before all of those things. 

To me, that is your core being and whatever it takes to get back to feeling that way. Because I think as you grow up, and there's responsibilities, I mean, we all can't just be carefree, you know, skipping around.

Really, but whatever it is that gets you back feeling that way. I think the most important thing is having an issue. Few opportunities that allow you even to get tapes of that feeling again. 

[19:27] VL: YYeah, I think I like noticing those physical feelings because sometimes they are kind of  “the loudest signs from our body.” And that's going to be both for good feelings and for bad feelings. 

Yeah, I like to follow the good feelings. And you know, notice and care or attend to those bad feelings. I was gonna say avoid, but I didn't mean avoid the bad feelings, but like avoid doing things that make you feel.

SA: I agree. And it's not. I like the fact that you said like, just sometimes the feelings that you get like it can be a little bit weary really it could be good new bank could be bad theories. But not too long ago, I decided in my mid 30s I would join the dating world again. Do not ask me why, but I did. And I remember talking to my best friend and I was going on a date and I said to her I'm like I am so nervous. Like my stomach is a mess. I have butterflies. Honestly, things that I would assume. Were telling me like, hey, heads up don't.

And she said to me, she's like, this is new to you. That's why your body is reacting. Maybe you haven't been in a situation for so long. It's not you know, these aren't red flags, if anything lean into that these are green flags because you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again, to just I think as you're processing those.

I don't want to call them symptoms but those like emotions, and those effects those physical effects. also analyze if they are trying to tell you something good or trying to tell you something bad and this sounds so wishy washy, but it really is like you said before a journey right? 

VL: It's a process, it really is learning about yourself. As you navigate the journey on travel, it's all about personal development and growth.

And sometimes to like when you don't know who you are or who you want to be. It's like okay, well, you're at this beautiful point in your life where you get to create that. You get your side like what do you what do you want to be how do you want to show up?

SA: Yeah. 

VL: This has been so great. I feel like it's a really great reminder.

SA: Yes.

VL: There's a little bit of tough love in there. But honestly, I also feel like there's some hope listening to this too, because it's like it's not always going to feel good. It's not always going to be easy, but there are ways that we can connect to the sensations that we're feeling and then go forward with the ones that we want to stick with. So thank you so much for all of that.

Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business?

SA: I live on Instagram. If you ever need anything I am a DM Oh way my handle is @bossthesixthedition. I'm always on Instagram. That's a great find about anything I'm up to wherever I am your snippets of my daughter. I'm very candid and that's exactly where I bring taboo topics to the table.



1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

So funny story and this. I'm not intentional about promoting but I am releasing a book in June and I'm going through the final manuscript right now. It is called Handing Hard Stuff Like a BOSS. That is my number one read. I'm also reading the Cat and Nat book called Mom Secrets. It's their second book. I love their first book. So I'm reading those. I just read one at a time.


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Whoa, empowerment to me is standing in your truth, whatever that looks like. It's standing in what you believe in. And I'm gonna be careful with this because I also think there are opportunities to grow in your truth. Like I'm not one of those people that like, are advocating for like standing wrong and strong like no be open to growth, but it really is standing strong and your core values in what you define or however you define being a good human being is that empowerment T and really advocating for others to do the exact same for themselves, even if it may not look the same as your definition of being a good human.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Oh, I have a really bad shopping habit. Or so that's a big one. I would call that like a political negative, positive habit that I have is people laugh at me or call me an old lady for this but like I go to bed really early like my 10 I am leaving I'm done like I but I need it. I need to sleep for that. I would say that's one of my positive habits. I'm like an early sleeper. I need my rest. And then like a quote unquote bad habits is like my shopping addiction. I love clothes. I have no shame about it. Like I'm all for reselling my clothes. I think it's all a healthy cycle. But yeah, I'm I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I'll admit it.

4. What are you currently working toward?

There's so much so I think North might be one of my short term goals is honestly to travel the world a little bit. More. It's always been something I've wanted to do. And honestly put off for numerous reasons.

I often considered traveling, especially solo traveling to be extremely selfish and that mindset has completely shifted. I think it is so enlightening when you're able to do that. For yourself. So short time to travel the world. I mean, I think long term, it's to make BOSS  my full time job and to really stand in what that serves. It's to be brunching all over the world. It's to be opening chapters globally, it's to be podcasting. Like this, continuing to write, you know, taking stages when the opportunity arises.

Yeah, I mean, I think for myself, even that long term goal, it's not as long like I'm thinking five years five years and I'm about to dance.

VL: I love all these things for you. Oh my goodness.

SA: This was so fun.

VL: And I'm so glad you're I love I love this conversation too. And I know we'll continue chats off air. 

But yes, thank you so much for being a part of the show. Thank you so much for being you and your authentic self and giving people permission to do that because that is super empowering. I love watching you. I love seeing you grow and I cannot wait to get my hands on your book and I need a signed copy of this

SA: Done. I love that so much. Thank you so much. You're doing amazing things like I'm in awe of you, but I also am not shocked. You've always kind of always had that presence. Even and I do actually remember that even meeting you. You know so many years ago you've always had that powerful presence so I'm not shocked but I also feel proud of the views just shot.

VL: thank you so much I love it!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E183: Taking the Overwhelm Out of Your To Do List
 
 

E183: Taking the Overwhelm Out of Your To Do List

Take the overwhelm out of your to do list with prioritization and the actionable techniques I am sharing with you today!


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[00:35] Hey there, welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. At the time of this episode launch it will be the first of the month. To me, the first of the month, or the first of anything really is an opportunity to organize ourselves, set intentions and goals, and really plan for what’s to come.

Being able to take a step back and look at the big picture goals and timeline can be incredibly helpful for staying focused on our goals, preparing for possible obstacles, events, or changes, and helps prioritize what’s important.

My goal for today’s episode is to share tested and effective time management tools that you can choose from to keep your calendar organized, your efforts productive, while experiencing joy and spaciousness in your everyday life. 

These practices have become game-changing habits in my life and business that really started about a decade ago when I remember experiencing a lot of feelings of overwhelm and anxiety around my to do lists and responsibilities. While there were a lot of things that needed to be adjusted at that point of my life, one of the most impactful ones was how I approached my to-do list.

I can remember sharing my feelings of overwhelm with someone and they very honestly told me, “Valerie, if you put as much effort into taking action on your to-do list as you have stressing about the items, you would have probably completed half your list by now.” This was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment because it was SO TRUE! Let this be a reminder to you to take action on something small when you’re stressing about the long list.

With that, let’s start with the “One-Minute Rule” to get you into action. If a task can be completed in under one minute, do it right away. Your to-do list just got a lot shorter.

  • Reply to that email

  • Put away your shoes at the front door

  • Swap your washing to the dryer

  • Send the reminder text

[03:10] Now let’s organize the to-do list. Organizing the list gives us a starting point, helps us to prioritize, helps overcome procrastination, and ensures we don’t miss things. We can use the “Eisenhower Matrix” to help guide us. This technique is especially helpful for when our to-do list is too long! The Matrix works like this:

Organize your tasks into one of the four quadrants, and identify a colour for each of the quadrants

  1. Important/Urgent (green)

  2. Important/Not Urgent (yellow)

  3. Not Important/Urgent (blue) 

  4. Not Important/Not Urgent (red)

DO any/all of the tasks in quadrant one, SCHEDULE all the tasks in quadrant two, DELEGATE all of the tasks in quadrant three, and DELETE all of the tasks in quadrant four.

Always do the urgent and important (green) tasks first because they have the highest priority. If this is a large task like preparing for a presentation, break that larger task down into smaller action steps such as: create slide deck, ask someone to edit presentation, practice presentation, etc.

The not urgent, but important tasks (yellow) generally support a long-term goal. Schedule these into your calendar using time blocking. Consider how much time these tasks require, and schedule them in your calendar according to the length of time they need as well as in relation to their due dates so you are prepared in advance. Once it’s in your schedule, don’t shift it around. It’s there and it’s getting done. 

[5:19] Time blocking also helps to avoid task-switching which is a major productivity killer! To help you stay in a flow state, remove distractions such as unnecessary open tabs on your computer, turn off notifications on your phone, Ask roommates or family members to respect your work time boundaries.

Any task that is not important yet urgent (blue) can almost always be delegated or outsourced. For me, these are the tasks I have on my to-do list that just keep getting moved over to the next day and the next day, and the next and they’re just not getting done - at least not by me. Who can you ask for help with these tasks? Who can you hire to get these done and take them off your to-do list? 

If it’s not urgent or important (red), does it really need to get done? I think not - delete it! Sometimes these are the tasks where you’re just like “Gosh darn it! If I think about this one more time I’m going to lose my mind!” This has a more mental health urgency, so perhaps this can be completed in one minute, or delegated or just get it off your plate so you can restore that breathing space.

[06:40] One really common reason your to-do list isn’t getting done is because you’re uninspired. Action without intention or purpose is not sustainable. Bring the inspiration back into your daily tasks by:

  • Changing your work environment

  • Focusing on a feeling word or intention for how you want to show up that day

  • Reminding yourself of the bigger goal you’re working toward and how the smaller tasks you’re doing are helping you reach that larger goal

  • Also re-listen to last week’s episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

Procrastination is another productivity killer. To help you stop procrastinating, get into the habit of creating time boundaries. A great method for this is the Pomodoro Technique. Set a timer for 25 minutes. During this time work on one specific task. After the timer goes off set another timer for 5 minutes to take a break doing something entirely different:

  • Stretch your body

  • Grab a snack

  • Go for a short walk

  • Drink some water

The 25 minute time sprint is relevant because it’s approximately the amount of time we can focus on a task for the best productivity. One 25 minute sprint and 5 minute break is one pomodoro. After four pomodoros take a longer break of about 15 to 20 minutes before getting back to work. 

[08:20] Alright, I want to keep this episode short and sweet cuz I know you have a lot of ish to get done. I saved my most effective productivity tool for last: Time Blocking. I mentioned this briefly a little earlier in this episode, but there are actually a few different ways to look at this and practice this method.

  • One of the ways is by task batching. This is when you block off a specific amount of time in the calendar to get specific tasks done, and using this for tasks that are similar in nature or perhaps environment. I do this a lot when I’m running errands. I work in a different town than I live in. So if I have errands to run near my studio, I will block off time to run the errands before or after I teach classes, and block time for running errands close to home when I’m on my way home or already in the area.

  • You can also time block with a daily theme. This works really well for anyone who has multiple businesses or parts of their business. For example if you do client work on Tuesdays and Thursdays and work ON your business on Mondays, and have sales calls on Wednesdays and content creation on Fridays, or something like that. I like doing these in half day chunks as well.

  • You can also time block using a template for your day. This practice is really helpful for if you are someone who is interested in CHRONOTYPES and using the theory of chronology to understand when in your daily cycle are your best work periods. I practice this more with my monthly cycle with a practice called cycle syncing which works really well for females who track their menstrual cycle.

[10:19] Some tasks to consider adding into short time blocks in your day or week are:

  • Responding to emails or social media messages and comments. A lot of times we make time to create and post content or respond to the emails, but what about responding to the comments, and the email responses? Add in time for reacting to what you’ve posted/created/sent.

  • Catch up time. Things happen and can pop up unexpectedly. Block some time off for catching up on tasks or tying up loose ends

  • BREAKS!!!!!!!!!!!! ADD IN YOUR BREAKS. PLEASE. Schedule in restorative time. Even if that means you’re getting horizontal for 10-15 minutes, getting out in nature, meditation, rest, literally any sort of break. The breaks must be scheduled throughout the day, not at the end of the day only. Breaks are NOT a reward, they are necessary for our productivity.

Speaking of breaks, sleep is a HUGE for getting more done in your day. Prioritize rest and quality sleep into your daily life, you will be amazed by how much energy, focus, and creativity you will have after quality sleep.

Okay friend, that’s it for today! PLUS a list of other podcasts episodes you might enjoy that support productivity:

Episode 115: Master Your To-Do List

Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect You to Your Intuition with Tara McCrory

Episode 125: Powerful Productivity Practices

Episode 149: Eliminating Overwhelm & Creating Work-Life Balance

Episode 156: Six Productivity Solutions You Need to Know

Episode 172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (GRIT Book Report)
 
 

E182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

While many people would watch the olympics, or high-level sporting events, see hugely successful public speakers, or read about large industry leaders, and think they must be very “talented” or even very “lucky!” The truth of the matter is that luck, or their talent is not what got them to where they are today. It was actually their Grit; their passion and perseverance that are the true keys to their magnificent success.


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[01:02] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. For the past couple months I have been fascinated by the idea or quality of “GRIT.” Some of the most successful people in their own industries, networks, and teams have also been known to be the grittiest. 


This all began when one of my Healthy Habit coaching clients recommended I read the book called GRIT by Angela Duckworth and once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. In the beginning I was both fascinated and offended by the quality of Grit because when I did the Grit Test, I was disappointed by my low-ish score. (Low by my standards).

Book Amazon link


The Grit Test

Grit Test (page 1 of 2) from the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Grit Test (page 2 of 2) from the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Take the quiz and send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife with your score! I’d love to learn about how gritty you are!


As I continued to read the book I took copious amounts of notes and my mind was racing with ideas of how I could incorporate what I was learning in the pages of this book with my own coaching clients, as well as how I could increase my own grit score. 


I was thrilled to learn that grit is something that anyone, with the right tools, knowledge, and passion, could develop! To give you a better understanding of this book, I pulled this excerpt from Angela’s website:


“Pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls “grit.”


Why do some people succeed and others fail? Sharing new insights from her landmark research, Angela explains why talent is hardly a guarantor of success. Angela has found that grit—a combination of passion and perseverance for a singularly important goal—is the hallmark of high achievers in every domain. She’s also found scientific evidence that grit can grow.”


For the purpose of today’s episode, I would like to share with you some of my most favourite takeaways from the book, as well as how I’ve been practicing this in my own life and with my coaching clients. 



How Grit Shows Up IRL


One of the parts of grit I love most is that grit is something anyone can cultivate, or grow, as Angela describes it. This is because it’s all about dozens of small activities, or skills that have been carefully moulded into habit. When you look at the small activities and skills you merge or combine these over time, you see the whole. When the habits are done consistently and correctly, together the whole is excellence!


Most of the time when people see the big picture, or the finished project, they don’t see the work, the time, the effort, the practice, the passion that goes into it.


When I first started my business one of the really helpful pieces of advice I received was “don’t compare the backend of your business to the front end of someone else’s.” Meaning don’t compare your steps 1 through 10 with someone’s step 1000. 


I’m sure you can think of countless examples in your own life, where you understood what it took to get to a certain place, and yet people only see the very last step, or the completion of the project and they just do not, and might not ever understand the whole thing. 


Not many people want to bake the cake from scratch, but a lot of people want to eat it.


This is one of the reasons why, even though we are all capable of grit, not all of us are in fact gritty. So what sets us apart?



Committing Even When Uncomfortable


Well according to Duckworth, a few things. And one of those things is staying true to our commitments even when we’re not comfortable. Oftentimes we try something and fail, or it doesn’t go as planned and it feels a lot easier to give up. But it’s really about getting back to it the next day, eager to try again. This is a reflection of grit in a person. (p.50) “Because when you don’t come back the next day —  when you permanently turn your back on a commitment — your effort plummets to zero. As a consequence, your skills stop improving, and at the same time stop producing anything with whatever skills you have.”


That’s it. It’s over and done.



Goal Setting


[05:54] Another thing that sets apart people with and without grit is goal setting, and more specifically setting a singular goal; one very high-level goal. 


Imagine the big goal at the top of a pyramid. Below that are smaller goals that help get to the bigger goal, and below those smaller goals are even smaller ones, and below those are simple habits that in time bring us to the bigger goals above it.


For the lower level goals we’re testing things out, and if they aren’t working we try, try again, and then try something different until it does work out.


When I first start working with a new Healthy Habit Coaching client, I ask them how they want to feel. This feeling word becomes our bigger goal so to speak. There are lots of different ways we can get to this feeling word, and as we create habits, rituals, and routines together we begin to connect to that feeling word and also confidence in ourselves to keep growing and moving forward. 


This is really the preliminary step to a bigger goal. Once we create a small and simple habit, we dream bigger and aim higher. We set the big hairy-scary-goal and break it down into smaller goals and then the smaller habits. As we work together on the smaller habits and daily practices, we observe and test what works and what doesn’t as we aim to grow to the bigger goal.


For entrepreneurs and business owners who want to be at the top of their game, their big goals are going to be success in their businesses. When we break this down we can start with a daily habit of planning, which then creates structure. Having structure helps this client to have an organized mind, which supports them in their creative process, communications, decision making, and more.


Another habit for this client could be daily goal setting, which supports them in creating direction, and the long term or larger goal brings them to feeling purposeful. Having purpose in work - as we will discuss more later on - is deeper and powerful than intention and helps the business owner’s commitment, drive, and grit for the bigger goal.


What are some of your big goals in life or business? Choose one and begin to break that goal into smaller goals. Then break them down even more until you find something simple you can do daily and make a habit.


Need help? Visit https://www.valerielavignelife.com/contact and let’s connect on a free call to see if you and I are the right fit to work together to create your dream life.



If You Want to Be More Gritty


[09:03] When I first started reading the book I felt a bit defeated because I wasn’t scoring as high as I had hoped on the Grit Test. But as I continued to read, I was encouraged by the fact that we can grow grit from the inside out.


Angela says that gritty people also understand that grit is not entirely fixed. Grit can grow! If you’re not as gritty as you want to be, ask yourself “why?”


There are a few common reasons why people drop out of things, as I read the list for you, consider which ones you have said or thought in the past:

  • I am bored

  • The effort isn’t worth it

  • This isn’t important to me

  • I can’t do this, so I might as well give up


If I’m being honest, I have definitely repeated all of these things at least once in my life. And, honestly I have said these things and also STILL tried and tried again. Not for all of the activities, but for a few.


Coaching (Parenting, Teaching) for Grit


In the book there is a chapter on Parenting for Grit and I’ve taken a few of the concepts for parents and adjusted it for my coaching because I see a lot of similar connections in these relationships.


As a Healthy Habit Mentor, I want to be supportive, warm, respectful, and demanding. It’s a fine balance, but it’s also the most effective. I strive to be client-centred. Even the Healthy Habit Membership is client-led and evolves over time. The membership is new and it has changed a lot as the members have changed and started to grow more. 


My client’s interests come first. I won’t make someone start a journaling practice if they’re not excited about writing, but I will support them in going a little beyond their comfort zone. I will also ask them to overcome obstacles through trial and error; through DOING and taking action! How will we know if it really works, or really doesn’t if we don’t at least try?


When a person invests in themselves through working with me, I see this as a commitment to themselves, their health, and their life and I have very high expectations of them that I know they can reach. Being able to set these high expectations and communicating them to the clients has been really effective in their ability to take action, even if the larger goal isn’t achieved right away. 


Action is where the magic happens. It’s where we get to see and understand what is truly working, and what isn’t. It illuminates our obstacles and helps us create more focus on what we can do to achieve our ideal success.



Following Your Passion


Another quality that makes people gritty is that they have interests and they follow their passions. When someone is passionate they have higher job (and life) satisfaction as well as increased performance.


When working with my coaching clients we have one-on-one conversations, as well as client-forms for me to better understand what lights them up; what are they excited about? What interests and passions do they have? 


Not all of them know right away, and are at this beautiful point in life where they can begin to explore what is really meaningful to them. (p.104) “Interests are not discovered through introspection. Instead, interest is triggered by interactions with the outside world. The process of interest discovery can be messy, serendipitous, and inefficient. This is because you can’t really predict with certainty what will capture your attention and what won’t. You can’t simply will yourself to like things either.”


We can discover our interests by experimenting with different things to see what sticks. Before hard work comes play! Let your exploration be fun and playful. We need encouragement and freedom to find out what we enjoy.


[13:05] Here are some questions to ask yourself, meditate on, or write in a journal, to help you foster passion (p.115)

  • What do I like to think about?

  • Where does my mind wander?

  • What do I really care about?

  • What matters most to me?

  • How do you enjoy spending time?

  • And, in contrast, what do you find absolutely unbearable?

Then… experiment with your answers. Physically experiment and take action on what you discovered in this exercise. 


Do you think about flowers and design? Perhaps you can take a floral workshop and create a beautiful arrangement!


Does your mind wander to far away lands where you can hike to mountain tops? Find a place you can start hiking to, or book a hiking trip and strap on your boots for some practice before climbing!


Do you really care about animals? Is there a doggy daycare, animal sanctuary, or pet spa you can volunteer at?


You get the point… start taking action and PLAY! Schedule joy into your life and begin to foster and cultivate your interests. If they stick… your passion will begin to grow along with your grit. 


I am very passionate about health and wellness. I have worked my way to becoming a Healthy Habit Mentor and Pilates Studio Owner, and some days I say, “thank god I love what I do because not all of this is super fun!” haha but I got here because I learned about yoga and started flip flopping around on my yoga mat and I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop playing and connecting, and trying, and falling - literally and metaphorically. I didn’t stop practicing.


Practice, Practice, Practice


[14:43] When it comes to practice, Angela notes that “practice is important, but experience doesn’t always lead to excellence.” It’s about continuous improvement. You can be doing something the same way every day for ten years and there is no improvement. Another person can be doing the same task as the first person, but tweaking it a little bit every day, and in one year have more success than the person who’s been doing it for ten years.


Because there is practice, and then there’s deliberate practice. You want to create a stretch goal for yourself. A stretch goal is a goal that you have that is slightly out of your comfort zone. Then work toward that goal and keep doing all the things until you reach it. Once you’ve achieved the first stretch goal, you create a new stretch goal and repeat.


With deliberate practice we have significantly more effort and it’s significantly less enjoyable, but this is the type of practice that really matters. It has to be targeted: what is the goal? And it has to be more efficient: how can we do better this next time around?


Angela’s research revealed that gritty people also experience more flow. Whereas “skilled people can sometimes experience highly enjoyable states “flow.” Flow is experienced when skill and challenge are in balance. Flow is by definition, effortless.”


You might have also heard it called the “zone of genius.” And it feels very much like time flies by without you noticing because you’re in that zone, or in that flow state.


I noticed this for myself when I started to really get into my daily french lessons on the app Duolingo. In the beginning I had the free version of the app that only let you make three mistakes. If you made more than three you lost your “hearts” or lives and you had to either watch an ad, wait for the time to get more hearts, or you had to go back to an old lesson and practice to gain a heart. When I discovered this through my practice I started to get into a flow of learning. Each day I started a new lesson. If I lost my hearts, I went back and did three practice lessons to gain back hearts, and then tried again in the new lesson. Every day I completed a minimum of one new lesson. Sometimes this meant I was also practicing old lessons more depending on how many hearts I needed to restore. Then I started increasing my daily goals and sometimes I was restoring hearts over and over again. At the time of this recording I have been learning French with the app for 669 days! Oftentimes when I’m on it, I don’t realize how much time has passed and I keep practicing.

Duolingo App


In the Flow


[17:45] So how can you get the most out of deliberate practice and experience more flow?


Start with a clearly defined stretch goal. Be specific with your goal, and make it measurable so you can track your progress. Make your goal attainable and actionable, and see if you can push yourself just a little bit more out of your comfort zone to stretch it. It also helps if the goal is time-sensitive, exciting to you, and relevant to your bigger goal.


Once you have your stretch goal, you want to make sure you have full concentration and effort while practicing. Eliminate distractions, block the time in your schedule/calendar, and show up for the practice. I mean really show up. Like be there for what you’re doing and for your own self with enthusiasm. 


Then you want immediate and informative feedback. If you have a coach, mentor or teacher there to give you the feedback - amazing. If not, perhaps a visual recording, a journaling, or tracker to keep you accountable to improving. 


With any habit or skill development, the last thing you will need is repetition, not only repeating the action/activity but also repeating the method of deliberate practice. Along with repetition add in reflection and refinement, using the informative feedback. This is how you get the most out of deliberate practice and experience more flow.




Purpose is Deeper than Intention


[19:15] I mentioned earlier that purpose is deeper than intention. People with grit are not just goal-oriented; the nature of their goal is special. Their goal is meaningful to them, and there is also a contribution to the well-being of others. 


A well articulated example from the book of how “purpose is tremendously important and a very powerful motivation,” was about three bricklayers. (p.148)


The first bricklayer says “I am laying bricks” which they see this as a JOB


The second bricklayer says “I am building a church” which is a CAREER


And the third bricklayer says “I am building the house of God” which they see as their CALLING. There is purpose and meaning in the work they are doing, even though each bricklayer is essentially performing the same action, it’s the PURPOSE that separates them.


(p.150) “When people see their job as a calling, they also express a deeper sense of purpose. This has led people with a calling to be more willing to sacrifice unpaid time/work harder/etc.” Think of this in your own life and work. Do you see your work as a job, career, or calling? Are there co-workers you can think of who see their work differently, even though you have similar responsibilities?


In the book Angela shares the practice of “Job Crafting” so you can put what you’re currently doing into practice to be more purposeful. Think about how, in small but meaningful ways, you can change your current work to enhance its connection to your core values.


If you can draw connections to the work you’re currently doing, and how it is making a positive impact on the world, you might be surprised to see how much more engaged you are at work, or how much more meaningful you find your work.


Core Values


When it comes to your core values, identify yours and ask yourself, “How can this help me develop the [work/home] culture I want?” Take some time to memorize, truly understand, and reflect on your core values more often. Go a step further to invite your co-workers or staff into the practice of identifying their own core values and having them draw connections into the workplace, and also into the greater impact on the community or beyond the workplace. How are their core values helping the work community and greater community? This helps them see their impact and makes their work more meaningful.


Habits of Optimistic People


[21:51] This is not only helpful in creating the feeling of purpose, but also helps with everyday mindset and being more optimistic. It starts with a growth mindset, which leads to optimistic self talk, which helps build perseverance over adversity. When we understand that difficult situations can be learning experiences and opportunities for growth, we do just that - we grow! We overcome obstacles, we move past blocks, and we keep going and trying to reach the goal. 


Some helpful daily habits for building a growth mindset:

  • Update your beliefs about intelligence and talent

  • Practice optimistic self-talk

  • Ask for a helping hand


If you’re stuck on the limiting belief that it’s “too late” for you to change, or you’re “too old” to learn something new, remember that the brain is incredibly adaptive, just like a muscle that gets stronger when you use it or train it. The brain actually changes itself when we try to master a new challenge. The book Grit explains, (p.192) “all of our lives, our neurons retain the potential to grow new connections with one another and to strengthen the ones we already have.”


Grow Your Grit 


[23:03] Most of the time our growth can be completed through countless small daily habits, each doable - but each so easy to forget, ignore, or botch. But when you have the combination of passion and perseverance, you can truly grow your grit. Start from the inside and cultivate your interests. You can develop a habit of daily challenge-exceeding-skill practice. You can connect your work to improve yourself. And you can learn to hope when all seems lost. Developing your personal grit depends critically on other people. Connect to outside sources like parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, bosses, and friends. 


Grit is not just about success, it’s also about happiness. (p.270) “The grittier a person is, the more likely they’ll enjoy a healthy emotional life. Even at the top of the grit scale, grit went hand in hand with well-being, no matter how [Angela] measured it.”


I truly enjoyed this book and have already recommended it to so many people. The book has been linked for you in the show notes page, as well as below this episode wherever you’re listening to it. 


I already feel like this is a book (and a podcast episode for that matter) that I will revisit and use in my coaching programs for years to come.


Share how you are cultivating more GRIT in your life and business by tagging me or sending me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife I would LOVE to hear how this is growing for you!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E180: How to Follow Your Passion with Brianne Hanson
 
 

E180: How to Follow Your Passion with Brianne Hanson

Brianne is a multidisciplinary entrepreneur, heading into her 20th year in the cheerleading industry, having developed skills, knowledge and experience in the sport that have led to her success in becoming the Co-Founder of Cheer District. Together with her business partner, Dr. Scott Christie, they are offering the next generation of cheerleaders the tools they need to increase their skill acquisition and reduce their risk of injury through science and technology.

Alongside building her experience and knowledge of sports physiology, Brianne is also passionate about business leadership, entrepreneurship, business development and mental health advocacy. These passions lead Brianne to incorporating her business; Consulting by. B., consultancy for individuals who are looking to start a business, or established small businesses who are looking for help in finding organizational, operational & financial success.

Whether she is in the gym working with athletes, or working alongside a client helping them realize their true potential, Brianne is always finding ways to better build and support those around her…


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[01:50] Valerie LaVigne: Brianne, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like we're doing the back and forth. I was on your podcast and now you get to be on mine and I'm so happy. 


Brianne Hanson: And thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to the conversation because I know how much value you bring. And I love when we get together and I feel like we can do a little things together. So I'm excited for the listeners to hear this episode. 


VL: Yeah, it's gonna be great and I don't want to give too much away. But I would love to jump in with something a little bit more personal to you and to your journey. So why don't you tell us about what you do and how you got to doing what you do?


BH: Totally. It's funny because my podcast actually watched an episode today. That's my journey into entrepreneurship. So I'm just preparing for this conversation.


So I'm a small business consultant, but I also own a small tech business in Germany. We have a custom app, personal fitness app for cheerleaders, and we do research using advanced technologies to help athletes better train for the sport.


As well as I have a podcast obviously as we discussed, and it's been quite the journey to get there and to become the entrepreneur that I wanted to become the last five years, almost six years now that I've been in it. It's been a roller coaster, but it's been exciting because I've had the benefit of being able to follow my passion and I've had this board around me that no one has allowed me to do that. But I started off in I started off in corporate and to be honest, that's where I thought I wouldn't be forever. That's kind of when I was in university High School. That's where I envisioned myself I envision myself like we're working downtown Toronto, or New York or something like that, like climbing the corporate ladder, but it's funny because I watched my dad in entrepreneurship my whole life, but he was kind of a blend of corporate and entrepreneurship because he was an investment banker.


So he would be in the corporate side and then find a business through investment banking, and then dive in and be more a part of that business through entrepreneurship, and kind of run it and stuff. So it was this really weird combination that I watched him do as I grew up, and that's really what made me think I was gonna go to corporate and so when I came out of university, I went right into business development in an orthotics manufacturing plant, which was not for me at all. I'm not passionate about feet, let me tell you.


It was a painful like every day going in and trying to build a business around the feet. it just wasn't for me. So then I spent a lot of time with my now business partner, because growing up in cheerleading, I didn't take care of my body as I should have and so I was going to see my business partner, sports scientist, physical therapist.


Me being me,, whenever I was laying on the table, I was just like, I hate it. Why am I doing this? And eventually he got sick of it and said brand doesn't work for me.


Sign me up. So then that was a really cool experience because he was an entrepreneur. He owns multiple clinics and the clinic that he wanted to come work for him was only employee and it was in the cheerleading gym that I grew up in. So it was like, Oh my gosh, and practice passionate.


I get to go back and although it's not directly working, it's within the home. That's like the place that I called home for so many years. And so they get to go back there was like, Oh my gosh, and I was so happy and so excited about the opportunity. And one of the things that he instilled in me the day that I started was, you will get out of this what you put into it, so like decks that grow the business, you know, you get to be a part of that and you will benefit from that or if you come up with ways that we do new things in the clinic, you will benefit from that. so he set me up in a way that was very much in the scenario.


Despite the fact that I wasn't running my own business. And that's actually how my first business started. So cheer district which is the custom fitness app for cheerleaders started as a little project. My co founder in his clinic have helped routers to make better so they don't end up like me, broken and in their 20s and still having to go full time so each service despite the fact that I wasn't sure and it became too much of a thing that I could have handled both the clinic work that I was doing as well as running to district so I took it ran with it.


It became my full time job when I raised money and built that business. And I was like so thankful every single day that I got to wake up and be in the church. Because that's the passion that in my life I had through and through since I was six years old until passed University growing this business. I was so lucky to be able to live that life and have something that I was passionate about every single day And then it hurt a lot. It was a rough two years. I know we're still kind of coming out the other side of it but despite the fact that we were an online service.


It was awesome at first thought pandemic was when we thought it was going to be a couple of weeks. It was like we had a huge influx of signups people that wanted to stay strong at home while the pandemic was going on and it was so great. But then when the pandemic shifted to lasting longer and longer, Our primary customer base was in Canada.


They had to start offering their own programming in order to keep their kids in their facilities and like in the gym, and coming back after the pandemic. So there was a lot of stress that came along with that and I had to find ways of like continuing to fuel my passion and although I'm still so passionate about cheer, and luckily now that the pandemic is winding down, I get to continue to grow that passion and continue to like build this business back to kind of where it was pre pandemic and they're on track to surpass that by a lot. But I found a new passion, which was really cool, in that we know throughout the pandemic, a lot of people started their own businesses, and that included a good number of my friends. And because I had kind of jumped before the pandemic and before really it feels like everybody had some kind of side hustle. I had gone through all of the steps of what does it mean to incorporate what does it mean to create a business plan? What does it mean to build financial projections, all of those things? And those are things that I love to do so my friends kept asking me the grand like, I think I'm starting to build this do you mind helping me?


Of course, it was a no brainer. Like I'm, I love that kind of stuff, but also I'm always going to support my friends.


And so I started to feel a lot of fulfillment and a lot of passion in that side of the work. and I have always loved that piece of when I was building your district. those things excited me I really liked building the business behind it.


So when your district was in a different place because the world was in a different place I started to get fulfilment from something else. And I know that we want to dive into this a little bit but I actually started at first I had I had guilt of have a new passion. And does that mean that I have to give up my old passion does that mean if I'm going to add this passion to my life and my resume and my docket of work every day? Is that not fair to my old passion? Does that mean that I'm not passionate about it? And so it took me a bit to come to the passionate about more than one thing and it's okay that I do more than one thing which we talked a lot about. You are a guest on my past on my podcast, multi passionate entrepreneur, but that's what got me into consulting which is what I'm doing now. I'm also doing your district so I do them both. But I'm so passionate about helping other entrepreneurs like find what it means to build a strong foundation for their business and see those light bulb moments that they have when they figure something out. How to scale their business or taking it from an idea and turning it into something that they Wow. I'm actually like I've grown so much.


So I'm lucky to have found multiple and and through that I've been able to support my mental health and like find my internal happiness because I get to follow my dreams every day.



[11:13] VL: Wow, you said so many amazing things in that story. So glad I'm so glad I feel like there was like full circle moments and how I want to say that success leaves clues like all these little things are kind of leading you in these directions. And I always butcher this quote and I can never just stick it on my computer because I love it so much. But Steve Jobs says you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect the dots looking backwards. And it really sounds like that's part of your story is really seeing like everything is really connected. And when you're in the moment and you're in those transition times. You're following the passions. There's so many different things that can come up there's fears there's doubts there's the guilt, you're safe. And I know a lot of people listening will be listening to your story and you know, having a little like a little inkling like I felt really bad and let's get to that from the beginning, basically. And how would someone get clarity around what their passion is? how would you even know? you're passionate?


[12:33] BH: That's a really good question. And I think like you said about that steep drop backwards like connecting the dots looking backwards at this that explains it in a very clear way that it's looking back and thinking about what are those things that need to have filled your cup that gave you those butterflies in your tummy that you went home? And you wanted to tell your husband, wife, mother, sister, brother, whatever, and you get excited and you're like, this really cool thing happened to me today and I want to tell you all about it. That's the first thing that I noticed in my experience finding these passions is noticing little things along the way. That indicated to me that that's something that makes me happy because there's a transition period of doing things that scare you in order to grow right. So the first time I thought about consulting and because I thought that butterfly feeling when I would help my friends were building their businesses and I would want to go home and tell my fiancee Elliot, I did this cool thing with my friends building her lash business. 


And, you know, we did these financial projections and she was so impressed by you know, the spreadsheets that we were able to create to really see what the potential of her business was. And there was a lack of pressure in the situation because I wasn't charging because I wasn't I was just doing it in the goodness of my heart and helping a friend when at the end of the film.


But there's that fear of when you cross the path of kind of making it a business that there there is that imposter syndrome that comes up there is that fear but you really just have to lean back on. I know I can do this these things. It makes me happy and I feel 100% fulfilled by this passion. So I want to continue to grow that way. And it's not to say that all of your passions have to be businesses.


But in my opinion, the more passionate you are about something, the easier it is to bridge that gap of from fear to excitement, and the easier it is to grow your business because you found that passion. You've seen those little things sprinkle in your life of doing things and trying new things and finding your way to that thing, your passion. And to be honest, if I hadn't started helping my friends I probably never would have found this passion. So it's about just letting like happen. I think that's honestly something that I've been telling myself really just the last six months like since I started this consulting business because I really do feel like it was something that I didn't expect for myself. And so I opened myself up to the opportunity even though it scared the crap out of me. And ever since then, I've been telling myself, allow things that come into my life and evaluate them. And that's something that my dad always taught me every time an opportunity would come up and I'd go to him and be like, No, I don't know about this. He says evaluate every single opportunity that comes into your life. assess how you feel, then move forward. And I've allowed myself to do that for the last six months and it's crazy how much I let go and into my life where I may have just blocked them off before so I would say for anybody looking like how do I find what I'm passionate about? allow things new things to come into your life. Open yourself up.


When someone says hey, would you be interested in x y Zed even if you get that feeling in your belly that's like kind of be like to evaluate the opportunity. talk about it more. see what you know the people that you rely on like your immediate family. think about it if you want to talk to them about it. talk that through don't just shut it off as soon as it comes your way because it scares you. I hope that answers your question. it was kind of like a really round the rosy circle of getting there.


[16:35] VL: Kevin Yeah, absolutely. I think that you said a lot of great points is like checking into what lights you up and then or what has led you up in the past and what are those things and and really getting curious about what maybe you want to be doing in the future like if you give your family like family time into your life, we're just kind of making this like, Wish List of like what that perfect with that perfect career or legacy you want to build is or whatever it is. Right? And then like using the past as those clues, and as those reminders of what works for you. And then you kind of went off you kind of went into whatever the next question is, which is really about that transition and you start bridging the gap. So let's say we figured out what we are clear on and we want to bridge that gap and you said it's smoother if we are super passionate about something but I feel like in the beginning, a lot of us don't have that same connection to our gut. That's a connection to self. That's a trust in self. That's something that I definitely know as an entrepreneur I've built over the years but it wasn't something that I started with because really you have no idea that it's completely new for you. A lot of it is jumping into the unknown a lot of it is taking rescue teams and so speaking to the that evaluating, period, like what are some of the things we can do to evaluate and assess the opportunity that's coming up? How can we take maybe small steps to get over that bridge or to or to close that gap? Because as much as we want to be like leap into the unknown and doesn't mean your parachute on the way down. Everything's gonna be fine realistically doesn't happen. We're not all we're not all in that position. We're not all in that position to do so. So, so take us through maybe just like bite sized pieces of how we get there. 


[18:29] BH: Totally. And I think I have to be honest, the second time was a lot easier. Because like you said, in entrepreneurship that's something that you have to invest in is yourself and your self growth. And the more that you do that, the more you can have that like gut connection and understand what your feelings are. Sometimes you have that feeling and fear that's actually a feeling of excitement and you can tell the difference. But if you don't really have you aren't in tune with your feelings in the same way you might just sit strictly as fear.


VL: So wait, let's talk about that real quick! This is so good. So fear and excitement. They do feel very similar in the body. What's the difference? How can we discern which ones here and which ones?


BH: Now, you're right. That is a very tough question. And I think it's probably a little bit different for everybody and their ability to understand their emotions.


For me, when I am… for me, I try to take just a cool approach to and find the balance of fact versus feelings to understand if my feelings are excitement or if my feelings are validated fears.


And if it is a validated fear that I will lean into that. But if it's an unvalidated fear so for example, if I'm taking on a new client or my consulting and it's in a business that I've never worked in before, but what they're asking for help with is something that I've done a million times.


I might get a feeling of that. That belly feeling that feels a little bit of victim like that butterflies anxious feeling of trying something new. But I can take a piece of paper or now I've gotten to a point where I can do it in my head. I used to write it down on a piece of paper of the facts that validate why I should be doing something why those nervous feelings are really excited feeling so I might say they're looking to help for building your business plan and build a million business plans. I tell all my other clients successfully build their business plans, you know, although I might not know their exact industry really well. I am really good at research and I can help them do that and they know their industry really well so they bridge the gap. And I can write down all of those facts that I can read and say, Okay, so this is a this is an unvalidated and it's probably just me being unsure but also exciting, new opportunity.


Obviously when it's just a pure excitement feeling. I think I have enough my body connection to understand just it's truly excitement, but it's I think it's more when it's gray area. Is this something I should be excited about?


But I'm not really sure how I feel. And so actually physically writing things down to figure that out for me has been really helpful.


[21:44] VL: Amazing. That's definitely something that we can do. Right away we can write our feelings down and understand if they are legitimate fears or something that may be that we're struggling with. That's part of entrepreneurship, just like you said, it's really about the mindset. it's really about personal development and personal growth. And you mentioned that it's quite the roller coaster and I would echo that for sure.


BH: ​​There's this saying that I can't remember where I heard it. I heck you're probably gonna be like Biranne I told you that. Like, is it the story or is it the story I'm telling myself? And so what's the reality versus the reality I'm trying to make through? And so that that's kind of a place that I put myself in, and we're literally saying, is this the story or is this the story I'm telling myself and try to work through the muddy waters of that to figure out what what the right direction is?


VL: Exciting. This is so powerful. Okay, so we have our clarity on our passion. We know what we want to do. We're feeling ready. We've overcome the mindset blocks to say that we can't do it and we're taking steps for what next? How would we get from where we are now to really working and diving into our passions. 


[23:06] BH: I think it's different for everybody. I think surrounding yourself with the right people is asking for help. building yourself up. I think when it comes to entrepreneurship and following your passion, there's one thing it's one thing to be passionate about. Something and it's another thing to take tangible, proper steps in the right directions to follow those passions and truly make them successful.


Whereas I see a lot of people in entrepreneurship. They're super passionate about something so they just like, dive right in without even thinking and as much as I love that, like heck yeah, do the thing. There's also a level of like, okay, can we figure out what the actual steps are to taking it in the right direction? And to me that is sitting down and writing down okay, what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses, where are the holes that I have? So I might be passionate about?


Pilates, I may be really passionate about Pilates. And so I really want to be a teacher and I really want to take it there. What's the first step? I'm a great student, but here's a whole I actually don't have a certification to teach Pilates like, that's a relevant poll. Okay, I go and get my certification. What's the next step and actually sitting down and figuring out hey, I'm really passionate about something. Let's draw out the steps which is why I love the business. Plan, because I think it naturally gives you the ladder to success. If you do it properly. If you take the time to really build a strong business plan, you can start at day one, and be at year three, and see a clear path of how you're gonna get there. Yes, things are gonna change along the way. Yes. The roller coaster is gonna go upside down and backwards and you're going to take a million wrong turns but at the end of the day, you always have that one thing that you will come back to to say, okay, when I sat down passionate about Pilates, this was my plan and the roller coaster went backwards, but I know how to turn around and make you go forwards again, because I had that plan to lean on to make sure that I'm going in the right direction. 


And the roller coaster turns around goes backwards because life happens. Pin down and rewrite that and that's totally okay. It circumstances drastically change but to have something to guide you through that passion, and then use that passion as fuel every single day to follow that path to say the Pilates certification courses no, no, it's fine. like yes, I love Pilates. but no, I don't want to learn. I don't want to do a CPR course that comes along with it. like that's boring to me. but I'm passionate about what I do. I'm passionate about the end result so I'm gonna do that anyways to take the next step in the right direction and doing it properly.


[26:06] VL: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a really, really good idea because it kind of maps it out for you without you having to do anything and then be able to build a business plan with someone who knows how to build a business plan. they're going to be asking all the right questions, but I also think really helps.


Sometimes people come to me with business ideas, and I ask a lot of questions. I think if you're passionate about something that's really amazing. That's definitely your first step. But there are a lot of things that people don't realize if they're not already in business. If they're not business owners and entrepreneurs. And because you and I have those experiences, we can ask those questions. What are you gonna do if this happens? What are you gonna do if this happened and where do you where do you want to be here? And of course, that stuff isn't always fun. It's always like no, absolutely not. It feels a little bit like people are asking you questions are taking the wind out of your sails, but really, it's not. It's setting you up for success and setting you up for because even in my coaching with with healthy habits, we're talking about small, seemingly insignificant behaviors. That we are building every single day. 


We’re asking these questions questions because I know that these are very common obstacles that come up, but guess what we're gonna prepare ourselves. Now. Stuff like those things come up to come up in the future, are not going to let it dim our light. We're not going to let it snuff out our fire. We're going to keep that fire and keep that passion going to continue to move forward and continue to grow. And we only get better at it. It does get easier then secondly, thirdly, or whatever it is. So okay, let's say we were in it. We've we've been able to transition maybe it looks a little different for everybody. Maybe it was a quick transition. Maybe it was a little bit slower, but we're doing the passionate loving goes by all of a sudden, something else starts to give her a little bit of a little edge. And now all of a sudden, we notice something else just like you and your consulting agency. What what are we doing women want to change or shift your passions? how do we get over those mindset blocks and what does that look like?


[28:40] BH: I think it's a lot of listening and learning to listen to yourself and to learn to listen to those feelings and not push them aside and not think that I wasn't worthy or think that I was letting myself or somebody else down because I had new passions. So the first thing is truly acknowledging those feelings as they're there for a reason. They're coming up for a reason. And everything happens for a reason. And that's something that I truly believe in.


So, I think it's very similar to the first time around, it's sitting down and it's saying, Okay, this passion is poking at me. So what does that look?


I have the experience of when this was all when my consulting was coming out. This little idea wish that I had but I was too scared to say it out loud. I was too scared to write it down. I was too scared to get out of my brain because I was like I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know what good enough I was also coming out of a place in my life and like it was a season of my life where I was lacking confidence. My mental health was not in its best place. I was really struggling. 


But I was doing a lot of work like I was talking to a therapist. I was you know, doing the journaling but I still wouldn't journal about this one thing that I was like, I feel like this could get me out of this. And then I made the decision of going to allow myself and I went I asked my mom if she wanted to go on a little mother daughter trip. So I did figure out what my next step was. And so we went to Vancouver together and on the flight four and a half hours. I sat down. I feel like half an hour because I wrote down everything that I wanted to do all of my ideas. How can I build this business? What does it look like? I didn't have a structured business plan. But I was like basically writing one in my notebook and going through every single thing that could happen should happen. What would my daily structure look like in balancing multiple businesses and how can I make that happen? What support what I need? So what am I starting with now? What am I going to do in a year from now if I see the growth that I want to see and I literally just put everything that was in my brain on a piece of paper. I got to the first thing we did was go up for dinner my mom's like, okay, let's talk about some ideas. What are you thinking and like, you know, Mom, I actually spent four and a half hours and I wrote her the entire plan and so like I'm happy to read it to you, but I think I think I got this. 


She's like, Brianne, we just got here?! I thought the whole plan was to figure this out once we got here?! Yeah, I mean, you know, I think I still have a lot to do. 


Obviously you can't plan a whole business four to five hours. But I got so much further because I just allowed myself to feel those feelings and to put aside the feelings of, I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm letting something else go. Because I wasn't. It was just finding a balance. And that's something that I've opened myself up to over the last six months is if something comes into my life, it's not how is this going to hurt something else? How is it going to take away some from something else? It's how do I schedule my life so that it can fit? And then what support do I need to make it all fit for?

I hired a virtual assistants because I was like, I'm really struggling with keeping up with my emails. And my inbox is a mess and I hate the person that misses emails or has 500 unread emails. I feel unorganized. So I need somebody to help me with that. So really, it was about and it is about as I get bored, because I'm continuing to beat myself up and and people think I'm crazy. Brianne, you own two businesses.


You're doing all these things. On the street. And I'm like, well, it's difficult, but I do it because I'm passionate about it. And I do it because what would my life be like if it wasn't following my passion? What if I didn't listen to that gut feeling I just passed it off.


And I didn't get to do what I love every single day. I didn't get that feeling of filling up a cup every single time I get occupied.


As I want to follow my passions, I want to be happy. And yeah, that might mean that I'm busy. And it might mean that I have a lot going on. But then that comes down to me and managing that and figuring out how to manage that how to be the most efficient in my tasks. Because yeah, I could work volunteer district full time. I can literally consulting full time. but instead, I find a way to do both Well, and to do most efficiently so that I get to do two things.


[33:25] VL: I love it so much. I think your story is really inspiring and I think it's also gives people permission to get on a notebook and a pen and just write whatever is happening because I know and this is like a whole other podcast episode I feel like is learning to listen to yourself. I got it. 


I understand that connection, because unfortunately for one of us we're so distracted and are so disconnected from that gut intuition that I really feel like journaling as much as it's not – It's not like my first go to thing that I do but I can definitely find it really helpful when I am doing it. And if that's a little practice that people can get into, and then even being able to look back and to see like, what, what really lived here today or what was that idea that I was writing about? Does it still resonate with me? Does it still feel like I want to do this? or do I still envision myself going into that business or starting this product or helping these types of people? and yeah, I think there's a lot of power in that.


BH: you know, to be honest, I love journaling and it's funny because probably three times in this episode I said, You should write things down, but I find that there's this box that you put yourself into when you and this is just my personal opinion and it works differently for everyone. If I tell myself that I'm going to journal every single day, and when I've had not so great mental health sticks in my life that is something that I've tried to do because it helps me get my feelings out. But I wouldn't say that I'm like an avid journaler. But I because I feel like once we put the label of journaling onto it for some reason people get it myself included. I get put off of it. I'm like I don't want to just like write down about my feelings. Whereas I rely on writing and like, like I like to call the word vomiting into my notebook to just get my feelings and thoughts out of my brain because sometimes it's so overwhelming like I could not fit another thing in my brain right now. and I need to get it out. So whether that's saying it out loud to someone or writing it down and most often I just feel most comfortable about writing it down first so I can kind of flush out my own thoughts before I talk to somebody about it.


So yeah, I just I want people to know that journaling doesn't have to be that sticky. boring. What did I do today? how do I feel today kind of journaling doesn't even have to be the like manifestation type. of journaling, it can literally be just one, like your brain is full or when you're feeling starting to feel that that feeling of, maybe I should be doing something or whatever that is.


Writing it down and just word vomiting onto a page I think is the best way to get that out and then read it back and be like oh I didn't actually know I felt that until you write it down, you know what I mean.


But yeah, that's just something that I wanted to mention because i i to get put off sometimes with journaling with when it's structured. 


[36:48] VL:  For sure I'm glad you said that. I feel similarly, and I word vomit and brain dump all the things and copious amounts of lists like you wouldn't just ideas and and this is another podcast episode. 


On all of our ideas have to come to fruition, but it's important to get them out into and to filter them. so yeah, this has been really amazing. We do have a rapid fire show before we get there. Is there anything else that hasn't been said today that you really feel like sharing?


BH: Thanks, so just spending the time to learn to listen to yourself. And your life experience is different than anybody else. No matter how much you say about what our experience has been yours is going to be different. Your gut feeling might be different. Your passions are different. So learn to listen to that and do the work to a sense that at the end of the day, when you're passionate about something you can follow those passions successful. And it's it's a guarantee success will come If you follow follow your happiness At the end of the day being happy matters so follow that follow those passions.


VL: So good. Brianne where can we find you? Where can we follow you? how can we support your business?








Instagram: @consultingby.b 

Website: https://www.consultingbyb.com/

Podcast: Spotify

Episode with Val: Embracing Your Multi-Passionate Self


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

BH: I am currently reading my favourite book, it’s called How to Do the Work. by Dr. Nicole LePera 

And it really gives you some of the tools to do that mind body connection. And that's what it's all about. It's a really great mix of science and like psychology, and that body connection that is sometimes seen as a little bit less scientific quote unquote, but she does such a good job of pulling them together to help you understand like your child and why you do things, certain ways and why you think certain ways and it really challenges your thinking. and I'm obsessed with that kind of thing.


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?


BH: I think there's two ways that you can look at it you can see it as external environment or internal environment and I really like to lean into the internal one because I think there's a lot that we can do from inside ourselves. we just have to find it. So empowerment to me like self empowerment would be leaning into the things that you love.


Leaning into happiness. and being empowered to solve that problem. be empowered to continue. And that's one of the biggest things that I've kind of been working on in the last couple years, myself and the power that comes with empowering yourself to be yourself is just going to continue to have


3. What is your longest standing habit?


BH: Good or bad? *laughs* When it comes to work is starting my day off with a to do list slash plan and exactly what my day looks like. because I haven't saying if it's not on my calendar, it's not happening. So I always spent the beginning of my day. Looking at my calendar, figuring out what the tasks between my meetings, and like that's every single day I do that.


4. What are you currently working toward?


BH: I am currently working toward building all of my businesses I have new exciting works So building that business and looking forward to sharing it with the world soon.


VL: Thank you so much for this amazing conversation. I feel like you you've given so many great words of wisdom. so I know that it's hard to keep re listening to this episode for sure. And like I said, I'm going to leave everything in the show notes page on how to contact you. but I did want to say that you are much appreciated the work that you do, the passion that you have and being able to all that, like I said earlier, it really gives people permission to do that and I feel like so energized, I know I came on this episode not feeling as energized and now I feel like Yes, life is good. Passion is everything. I keep this fire going. that's awesome. Thank you.


BH: Thank you so much.


VL: Thank you! This has been an absolute pleasure.


BH: Absolutely. For me too.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding
 
 

E178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding

Based in Western Canada, Robyn brings a proven process and a solid business background to the world of coaching.

A business strategist who helps coaches, creatives and healers build a booked out online business and scale their impact. Her coaching style is optimistic, joyful and focused on play and ease with consistent action. She has been called a “gentle powerhouse” because she gets things done without the fluff while still being connected to our inner knowing using her signature framework "The Profitable Way"…


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[01:05] Valerie LaVigne: Hi, Robyn, I'm so excited that you are on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm gonna be honest, you were like one of my wish list people to have on the show so I'm very excited that you're here. 


Robyn Gooding: Thank you so much for having me. It's such a joy to be here.


VL: It's really incredible. I'll share a little bit about how we met because I feel like we've crossed paths a few times. and then it wasn't really until you've moved across the country. So we started working together. And so at a networking event in Toronto, Ontario, a very long time ago, I don't know how many years ago, I want to say.


RG: It would have been 2018.


VL: Okay, so four years ago, and I think one of the speakers it was like a very casual event, and you seemed so exotic to me. Because I was like, How did someone who grew up in South Africa, create a magazine and then becomes this like Globetrotter and has this amazing coaching business and I was like, just in awe of you and I thought, wow, this person is so inspiring. I want to know this person. And that same night you came over to my friend and I were sitting there talking together, and you introduce yourself and I was like, Oh, wow, like even though you've accomplished so much, you don't have this like, you know, you know the energy that I'm talking about, right? it's like it's just like a not grounded energy.


And you truly do embody this wonderful, beautiful self that you are, and it's really cool to see in these different ways so fast forward and make my long story short, and you move to the town that I actually lived in, which is just outside of Toronto, invited me over to your home for this beautiful little woman circle that you hosted, which I thought was just like, so lovely, and I had a great time. And actually, the rapid fire round of the show was inspired by some of the questions that you asked at that women's circle so like I'm telling you, you are on my wish list for the podcast for a while.


And then… you moved away! We were connected and then you decided to move to BC. And I don't even know we just got to talk virtually.  Then you we're opening up a kind of group coaching. and I'm sure you'll talk about this moment in the show, but you opened up the door to the hybrid coaching.


I signed up and I was just like, I'm ready. I'm ready for some scaling in my business. I need some up leveling. We're just finishing actually, everything.


So yeah, I think from from where I'm at, I feel like I'm so happy to be so happy to leave these connections and stay together even though, you know so much of the world has changed so much of our whole lives has changed in the last few four years which is crazy to think about.


That was my long winded introduction.


[04:44] RG: Oh my god. thank you. Firstly, oh my gosh, I've just like full body forms right now. I really appreciate you sharing all of that. and it's really funny to hear how other people perceive you because I feel like I can say the exact same things about you. And it's funny how I would never have known that drawn to you as well. But this is the the energy that I talk about all the time or we just find our people and our paths cross. and there's very few things that can interrupt that when it's time to be in that process and moving across the country from being in the scene didn't change that.


VL: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And yeah, I think it's really cool how we've been able to connect over the past several months actually working with you is really business, which I've been sharing a little bit about on the podcast, but I want to take people a little bit more behind the scenes into some of the work that I don't think entrepreneurs really talk about and I don't think business owners really share is that mindset practice the self connection.


Really get into that connection with self and those feelings of like, how you move across the country and why we were attracted to each other to speak more and to connect that way to build that relationship. Like there's this. It's almost like this invisible energy or this quiet work that people have to do or that entrepreneurs have to do and I know that I've learned a little bit more about this through you but I really have to say it's not something that I've seen anywhere else, or like it's not something that's talked about anywhere else. so can you tell us a little bit more about what embodiment practices are?


[06:41] RG: Yeah, so I'll talk about what I want to give a little context to why this work matters. And why because you're writing it's not something that is prevalent, especially in the business coaching world. And I knew it was essential because I have always been entrepreneurial and always been creative, but for so long in my flight would be really left from like, literally my not even my voice but like my ears, you know, like this, like listen and see and and I would censor myself when I would not necessarily express my true feelings. I'm not sure I was even fully connected with what's mine. Being like a highly sensitive, empathetic person. I was always observing things and then processing them and sitting in but not necessarily connecting them with my own wisdom and my body.


When I started to realize it required me to follow my path, and it looked very different from other people's paths. A lot of people call me crazy people I really love I had this amazing job was the fastest growing franchise in the world. I was working from their head office and I walked away to overseas. Walked away from my place I truly never wanted to be there. 


what you see is what you get. For myself. I'm very creative, most passionate and destroyed a lot of projects. I'm finished a lot of projects. That was my past that was my story. And that's to live in a place where everybody is like a master detail and more about the mechanics of themselves. And like not wanting to make a splash not wanting to make anything about that. This really beautiful experience and that process really connecting with my with my body especially because of the Japanese artist.


And that was my first real introduction to it. From the Japanese perspective. I was taken to these Japanese women and I was mortified because you have to be totally naked. and I found that I wasn't expecting it. but through these rituals and through these experiences, I started to really pay attention to the sensual experience of being and loving and like physically connected with my body and I don't even know what to say, disconnected, but I don't, I can't remember the time.


When you're leading a business and you have to really you have to make hard decisions, you have to take risks and it takes a lot of courage and wisdom and you have to learn how to drown out voice and tune into your truth and listen to your own intuition and trust yourself even when other people don't get it even when the world isn't making sense to see things the way you see. And so that is what initiated my my return to my body. my internal wisdom, my intuition.


The first thing for me was forest bathing, which is basically when you’ve gone into nature and you’re really, really mindful of it so you’re like immersing yourself in the experience; sensual experience with being in nature and you’re really not.


And then you're really it's almost like just being really in and that the thing was I started getting into spontaneous dance not just just really moving to music and being connected with yourself at first alone and that in groups which was really scary at first. You know when you're surrounded by the right community when you're surrounded by people who are speaking naturally. It's really a great space for you.


[11:58] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that. That's amazing. I definitely clenched up when you did forest bathing. I was like I don't know my writing. But I have done the embodiment dancing and yes at first you're like there's no way I'm doing this in a group of people I went to a couple years ago.


This was part of the festival like the dancing and you would look around at people who were doing these dances and I just kept thinking, oh my god to have that encouraged to have that connection to have that like I don't care about what anyone thinks to me like that's such a powerful vibration to have to share. And so I ended up doing it but like it did take me a little time and it took like little voice in my head and I just had to say stop talking get out of there and just go for it. But it's it's just like it is really a practice because it's almost like you have to continue to do it. And you have to continue to build that connection with yourself. So breath work when you said that I feel like that's maybe where I want to take this next because for forest bathing and for ecstatic dance or embodiment dancing in groups like it just seems a little bit like out there. And I mean like if you're a jump right in person, this would be a great a great practice for you. But breathwork I feel is such a wonderful, intimate practice that can that you can do and it's almost like that stepping stone to get into those deeper practices. So can you share a little bit about the breathwork practices that you do?


[13:43] RG: Yeah, totally agree.

I would say the first one I was doing before I really knew what I was doing, which made it easier because I didn't go in with the intention. to be doing breath work is you know, I'm someone that really needs to Okay, like I don't like the feeling of being even like intoxicated. like, I'd like to be sober. I like to be really mindful to take control. And so the first time, I was kind of caught up guard.


Which was like very much like the right word that they use, but you do feel that lightness and you do feel that sensation, and my hands were like clamping and I was having was like a whole body experience. And so I didn't do it for a little bit and then I came back to it.


I realized once like it was guiding me teaching you how to create better safety events you I have like a training session and then I started doing different breathwork practices that were more gentle at first Now I do Holotropic and I'm more comfortable calling myself But there are so many chancel breathwork practices that are just such a beautiful stepping stone to just really be present in your body and live in.


I’ve been in classes where people feel emotions that they just didn’t expect were there. But it’s so therapeutic after you just feel it and it doesn't have to be a daily practice.


Just the access it's giving me It's really all in this online world and brainstorming things from each other, was inspired by what's really influenced my work more than I wanted it to, to really I wanted it to be mine I wanted that distinction. Between what was mine and allied me to foster that trust.


[16:56] VL: I love that music and it's something where it can really just start as outlined breathing at this time because you've said so many things today that really highlight. A lot of people are feeling I have definitely caught myself in that upper body like head ears, eyes, thinking, see listening, and it's all external. Watching what's outside, thinking about what I'm seeing and hearing what's outside. And these embodiment practices, they really get you to turn inward. And you know the ones that you've touched on today they have to do with something innate that we already have our breath. You have to do with nature they have to do with movement, and those are all things that don't mean anything else outside of us to connect to those things. I mean, I mean nature like technically that is outside but but it's part of, you know, the grassroots, so to speak, and really getting to that deepest layer. And it's funny that we're talking about this because they've been feeling like I have so many ideas and I have so much excitement for these ideas and yet I can't seem to articulate any of that. That's how I'm feeling like it should this be a podcast episode or should this be an Instagram post? Well, what can I put this in? And it's becoming this mental loop of I don't know what to do because I'm in like an analysis paralysis, I guess you could say and I know that one, I need to know what I should be doing. 


What I need to be myself and to start grounding and to start tapping into those embodiment practices. So I feel like we've shared quite a quite a thorough introduction into what this is, but maybe we can speak to the people who are listening or like I'm slightly into the Whoo, but it feels a little bit too much. For me. What can we say to that?


RG: I was that person. So I was you. And I would say that I've always had a really strong intuition, like from a child. I've just always known intuitively and I've learned to listen to that. I was lucky to grow up in a family that didn't make that wrong. But I think what we have to understand is that we live in a society and a system that has conditioned us to dial down our feminine wisdom. It's it's taught us to be more observant. Off the system because then we're absorbing the system versus operating from our own truth and our own essence, and we're harder to control. We're harder to brainwash, we're harder to squeeze into the mocks that the powers that be and honestly it isn't always easier.


It really does require methods to your trip it does. And the more that you do it harder it is to literally sounds like yours And that is a courageous path. So I understand I'm comfortable.


But I will say you know it didn't happen overnight. You don't have to zero to hero in the blink of an eye. But if you're sure as expressed curiosity, take your next best step Follow the breadcrumbs. Everyone's ready to gain access for wisdom like what I do not need you.


You’re here. You are literally a miracle. And it is a disservice to yourself. So many people literally don't even know what they think or how they feel about things because they learn to just trust people outside of themselves. More than I think it's a dangerous place for all of us.


[21:39] VL: Yeah, I agree. That's and it's sometimes happy to hear too but there's definitely been some instances I'm sure. listening even found myself thinking like, when did I trust my gut in the past? And where did that bring me? And it's like, it brought me to magic. It brought me to where I am today which is part of my dream, which connected me with you which connected me with other people in my life. I've had on the show or become mentors for me and coaches.


When I don't trust those things, and I follow someone else's path or someone else's idea, I'm living someone else's life. And that's not the life that I want to live and even sometimes we think like, oh, this is a big goal for me, because I heard some students.


And sometimes we get to that point, and we're like, oh, wait a second. That actually isn't something that I ever wanted. Or this wasn't what I thought But if we don't have that connection to who we are, and to connect to that embodied self, then how will we ever know what it is? and how we want to feel and how we want to live and how we want to show up. So this is definitely something that I think a lot of business owners or people in general could really take from today.


So, for the people wanting to do this, and to get an alignment with themselves, and to create that connection.


What would you say would be like the best way to start today if they turn off the podcast right now, I think just wanted to connect to themselves what's the one thing that that can do?


[23:28] RG: The easiest thing in the world. It’s just literally observe what’s happening for you, observe, where you’re wanting to distract.


Just observe and don't make it right or wrong. It just sit in that silence structured in yourself to be an observer and observe. And then if that's really uncomfortable to find. So I think it can be really helpful to have a guide to have somebody who can teach you. If people are searching, and there are sliding-scale and opportunities.


We can do a guided breathwork class that can be a really great introduction. And then on our phones on access to guided meditation, sitting in silence, Okay, and just a little bit to do a five minute gratitude guided meditation.


Gratitude is all of this not feeling happy because when we can tap into gratitude, I mean, I can talk about science to support this conversation. But there's a lot of science to support. And so if you can just bring your awareness of gratitude and just send feelings of gratitude and you're gonna start seeing patterns that's going to sort of incentivize you a little bit more, especially going down this path. And I think you said something really powerful about helping.


This is why I mean, as a coach, you see, everyone's all the things and we have so many people marrying the wrong people having children when they didn't want to and like really big things that people probably want to like for social circle, development to culture. And there was and in our circle, we're seeing more and more people just feeling like they're acting in their own lives. Living a life that feels deeply meaningful and fulfilling. and it's leading to depression and anxiety, and addiction and all of these things. And so if we can just come back to gratitude and presence and mindfulness with ourselves, we can discern ourselves, what is our true rhythm we need one surfaces.


[26:23] VL: I never know what's going to happen. And if I take that leap, I have no idea. Or I can stay still and know that this is where I'm going to be in a year or two years or three years, whatever that is. And the thought of staying stagnant and doing what I was doing was so much more frightening.


Terrifying than taking the leap. Into the vast unknown. But again, that was just the time. It was one of the times where I followed my gut instinct to change, trust myself, and it shifted everything for me. It changed my whole life and I'm so glad that I, that I did that and so but I was also meditating frequently I had a very physical practice that I was committed to. I was doing gratitude journaling every single day like I was bodying the embodiment practices I was doing the work daily and I feel like the more consistent we can be with these practices, the deeper that connection are, and the quicker that connection builds as well.


And it becomes easier to trust yourself when you're are connected and when you're not numbing yourself, but I know that there are a lot of us that are caught up in the outside the external, the sheds.


So I really wanted to make a point of just being compassionate to yourself when you're going into this journey because like you mentioned, it's not always easy and it's always fun.


But at the end of the day, it's always worth it


RG: It is.


VL: Okay, I want to jump into our rapid fire round, but before we get into that, is there anything that hasn't been said? That you want to share on this topic?


RG: Well, I think the fact that I've met so many entrepreneurs and visionaries and rebels, and people who just don't relate, they feel a little bit like a mess. And I just want to speak to anybody who's listening now.


But as scary as it is, you will find your opinion will always belong in the gift of this work is that when you look to yourself, That becomes a little bit less important. but you will find your people no matter what path you take you. you know as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. It's like when you're ready, your community, and you will always be open supported on your journey


[29:29] VL: Oh my gosh I’m going to burst out laughing… So go ahead These are meant to oh my gosh, I couldn't laugh I get a burst out laughing so I don't know if I shared this with you but around the time when you reached before you reach out to me about club rise in your hybrid coaching program. I was thinking like, ready to take the lead, wants to hire a coach but I don't know who I should hire so I had three people in for one of them. And the first person was a friend who I'd seen have a lot of success but she was going through something really troubling and because I knew that from her on an intimate level. I felt like it wasn't the right time for us to work like that together. We're still friends and everything. The second person I also heard really good things about but I just wasn't getting that like that poll. And then I didn't even know if you're offering anything at the time but I knew you were doing coaching. And so that week, you reached out to me and you like randomly I don't think we were talking to each other for a little while then and he randomly reached out to me. And that was that sign and that poll and that nudge that I needed to confirm my feeling about these three different people. So even though I kind of already knew because I was doing the inner work because I'm pretty connected to myself because I have a pretty strong intuition. I knew that it was going to be you but because of that confirmation. And I think that's really cool is that when you start to connect more to yourself, you start to see the people who you said you're going to magnetize and attract into your life. You also start to see the signs, and the synchronicities and all those things lining up. And the act is also really amazing because it's just confirmation that you are being supported. It's confirmation that you're on the right track. And the same goes for when you're not on the right track. And all of a sudden things are going wrong and you're like Why isn't this working? why does everything feel so forceful? Why do I have to push so hard? like why is it so hard if if you find yourself repeating those words, Then, you know, in my in my experience I'm not listening to my my intuition I'm not. I'm not doing my embodiment practices at all.


RG: Yeah I agree.

And sometimes you know, when you were saying how it was scarier to be stagnant than to take that chance, that's one of my favorite quotes is sometimes the risk to stay in the mud is greater than the risk of loss. And one thing I tell people is you always know you know, sometimes we can get in our heads a little bit about oh, like, you know, for example, in a relationship should I stay or should I go and have friends say to me, I don't know if I should stay or should I go and I think you will, You will always And so not to risk a decision or not to force but to allow yourself to the two sides to the things that you're deciding between and to trust you know you'll know. And if you're ready to go down that path.


VL: I love all of it. and I know that people listening are going to do also love everything that you're saying so. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you and how can we support your business?


Website | www.robyngooding.com

Instagram | @robyn.gooding 

Podcast | The Profitable Way

Group Program | Club Rise


RG: To work with me, I have my program that you were so honored that we got to work together club rise which is really tiny, tiny coaching, tiny group coaching for entrepreneurs writing And it's specifically focused towards soulful and service based entrepreneurs, coaches, creatives, consultants, wellness practitioners, anybody in that role? And it's for you if you're looking to make more money. Clean up your back end systems structure your business in a way that sustainable.


VL: It’s wonderful and amazing. I’ll speak to it myself


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

It Ends With Us - Colleen Hoover


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

It's very internally oriented. Basically, feeling grounded in my truth and activated and liberated to receive that.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

Probably, I have two, so one is bathing before bed and waking up and walking.


4. What are you currently working toward?

So my words for this year are joy and appreciation. And so what I'm working toward is expanding my capacity to feel more joy and to receive risky or goodness in my life without self sabotaging or making I have a long history with waiting for the other shoe to drop and not allowing myself to be deeply present in the moments of good because I'm scared of being blindsided by the bad, and I think that the pandemic has. It did accelerate that because so many of us blindsided by the length of the intensity and the loss and the grief and all of that.


So my my intention, the thing I'm really working towards this year is to sort of shed that experience and lean into more joy which is for me different to happiness because it's not based on external circumstances. And it's really about living a joyful life.


Like being in that feeling of joy. Brene Brown calls it the most courageous emotion and I cannot agree more it feels honorable and he doesn't want to be joyful.


VL:  Amazing thank you so much for sharing your a little bit of your story and your wisdom and these practices with us. It's such a unique topic. So I'm not sure if anyone listening is like, Oh, I'm going to try this or maybe you just need to be reminded like I did that these are the tools that we have available to us that we just need to take action on. So I appreciate you taking the time and sharing all of this goodness with us.


RG: Yeah, you are so incredible. And I'm so grateful to have met you and to be able to work with you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you and thank you so much for like gifting me the opportunity to speak to this because it's a business coach. most people want you to talk about money and strategy and online marketing and all of this stuff but in my experience is the energy and the embodiment mindset soul stuff. that always is the make or break get business to life. to all of it so I appreciate you going there.


VL: I'm so glad you said that because a friend of mine, she says that entrepreneurship is personal development with a paycheck. And if you're not if you're not doing the soul work, then you're just not you're not doing it and I feel like every time I hear someone's story about how they made this huge shift or they up leveled in their life, it was when they blocked out the noise. They took the leap they trusted themselves or they or I keep hitting my microphone or the universe forced them into a space where they had no choice but to connect themselves. So again, amazing and everyone needs this Everyone needs this.


RG: Yeah, I I agree. I always say your business cannot outgrow you. So if you want your business to grow, you've got to be willing to go there.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

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E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business
 
 

E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business

When Stephanie and I first connected, she was just starting her business and was diving deeper into personal development. But there was a missing piece to the work and habits she was already doing. This missing piece turned out to be a powerful part of her journey, and made a huge impact on the behaviours and actions she was currently doing and elevated her success and daily life moving forward…


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[01:00] Valerie: Stephanie, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here. 


Stephanie: I am so excited to be here as well. I was very flattered when you asked me to be on it.


VL: Well, I think what's really cool about how we met each other and maybe I'll just slip this in here before you tell your story is that you signed up for a workshop of mine on a whim and we didn't really know each other and then we kind of got connected through friends and through social media. And it was really cool to see you in this workshop and then see your growth and follow you online this way. Because it was so new for me. That's a new experience for me. So I loved seeing how you were sharing this journey. And I thought, oh my gosh, this would be such a great story to share with the podcast and I know you're a listener of the podcast, so this is so great.


SK: Yeah. 


VL: So why don't you start off with telling us a little bit about yourself and how you got into creating some of the habits that you are right now.


SK: Okay, so I am a mom of three little ones. I have been an educator for 15 years and have left the profession to pursue other things and health and wellness and have really, I thought I always had a healthy habits, but I think I just had habits that didn't necessarily come from a healthy place but more of a place of trying to gain control in my life. And I have really unpacked that for the past two years. And I really think that when I stood when I took your workshop I was I was in a place of saying yes to everything. And so when I saw that the workshop was being run I said okay, yes, I'm going to take that and it really opened up my eyes to the intention.


Everything that I did and the importance of those intentions, and that's really been like a common thread throughout everything I've done in the past two years.


[03:00] VL: That's so amazing. And I'm so glad you talked about intention because I think it's such an interesting introducing and oftentimes you see influencers on social media or you read books about successful people who have this like epic morning routine. I need to do the exact same thing is that but the intention is not there. So can I ask you what your intention was behind some of the habits that you have and maybe if you want to share any of those specific habits?


SK: My intentions now, our inner peace, happiness flow, things that they actually didn't understand. Previously, a friend of mine had asked me Have you ever been in a state of flow? And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Previously, all of my habits revolved around control, control around the way I hate control around the way I have my house controlling I parenting kids, and I didn't realize that that was actually I mean, such a negative impact on my physical and mental health.


When I took your workshop, and I really understood some of the things that I had let go and I had stopped getting dressed. I was still like wearing sweats all the time. It's still putting makeup on and stopped doing my hair. And I realized that I stopped doing those things, because I thought they were frivolous. And once I realized intentions like that the meaning behind it doesn't have to be super deep. But if it's something that you enjoy something that brings you happiness, then then that's a good habit to have. And so that's when I started to put on jeans, or do my makeup and I realized how much happiness that that gave me and I started to look for the happiness in my habits rather than simply having them to gain a sense of control. so things that I do now that are habitual are I make the kids lunch at nighttime, because that gives me an opportunity to be able to work out in the morning.


I will move my body in some way in the morning, that's more for pleasure, rather than punishment.


I move a lot slower throughout life. I allow myself to watch TV for pleasure rather than numbing out. There's lots of different things that I do now and I think about the why the why is most important thing to be like this. 


[05:40] VL: Oh my goodness! I have chills listening to all these things. I love how you're talking about things you were already doing and just shifting the reason behind it. So it wasn't even like you made any massive changes overnight. And even those little photos where you're saying like you're putting your makeup you're dressing the time when you meet your kids lunches. It sounds like it's making it I know from watching you it's it looks like a tail that diverts making such a small shift of why is making such a greater impact or a bigger difference in your life. So I'm so glad that you said yes to that workshop. I'm so glad that you put the the things that you've learned into action into real life. So as I'm listening to your story, and I can relate to wanting to control everything, there's lots going on, we need to make sure that all the ducks in a row we need to make sure that we are going at the same time. And if someone is listening to this and thinking like I can relate I am also someone who feels like they need to be in control. What would you say to that person who wants to keep pushing forward even though they love what your peers say they love hearing that flow sounds amazing and happiness. How do we how do we move from that control how do we introduce this happiness and tension?


SK: So the funny thing is I kind of came to the realization through reading a parenting book called The Awakened family. And that made me realize that I was trying to gain a massive sense of control around everything, my outside to control the inner chaos and it was like a light bulb that went off and I didn't know how to shift out of that. So I went to therapy and I asked my therapist, and he said it's like a form of OCD to expose yourself to it. So the greatest thing was to allow myself to feel discomfort.


And that was where the biggest growth came. Because I wasn't going to let go of things that I was doing that I enjoyed like I enjoy working out. I enjoy eating healthy. I enjoy having a clean house and an organized house. But it was bringing more turmoil trying to keep it perfect. So I had to let myself feel the discomfort if those things didn't happen. And understanding that a habit doesn't have to be confined like you don't have it doesn't have to be so restrictive and that is what I didn't understand. I thought that if I let go, then it would feel like a sense of failure. And I also started to find myself a person who had these really strict habits and was I without them and once I realized that I didn't need to be that person who was perfect and let down so much of that guard actually allowed so much more ease into my life and people were able to really relate to me more and it was a sense of vulnerability that I wasn't prepared to share with people prior to that, but just you know, getting uncomfortable was my greatest gift.


[08:57] VL: So incredible. I love that and I know that you and I were chatting a couple of days ago or whatever that was like you were like I'm so uncomfortable on this podcast. It's sort of totally out of my comfort zone like you've got this and here you are showing up and rocking it.


What do you think was the biggest surprise about this mindset shift for you and about these changes in your habits? What surprised you the most?


SK: I think what surprised me the most is that I could be happier. Or I could gain a bigger sense of control both by letting go of control. And I really have thought so much more about that recently, because I didn't have a lot of control in my life as a child. I mean, it all goes back to childhood, right? So I didn't have a lot of sense of control as a child. And I gained that sense of control by creating these habits around certain things in my life and that and that made me feel safe and that made me feel in control. And once I realized that I could let go of that and still feel a sense of safety.


That was biggest shift and understanding that healthy habits are things that move you forward in the right direction whereas unhealthy habits can still look to the outer world like healthy habits, but if they don't make you feel good inside, If they feel like really restrictive then they're not actually healthy for you.


VL: So here's a tricky question. 


What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either: What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either.


[11:40] SK: Yeah. So in terms of things that don't necessarily right. I have been a restrictive eater for about 20 years. I still really enjoy eating healthy but I need to keep a check on myself on what that actually looks like and I can very easily slip back into a little bit of negative thoughts around eating healthy. I don't know if you've heard of orthorexia, which is the obsession with healthy eating right. I never thought that that was a bad thing. But now I know better and I had so much disordered eating patterns. And so that's a place that I can really fall back into the negatives mindset the number one thing that keeps me on track is accountability. I'm part of a healthy habits club that I run through my business and we really focus on mindset first, and so that was the missing piece of the puzzle for me, is the mindset piece. So I now do tapping on a regular basis. I practice gratitude on a regular basis. I have a sort of breathwork as well. So focusing on that mindset always brings me back to a really positive place.


And honestly, I don't beat myself up. When I fall off track.


I've realized that there's no such thing as like starting again, or like day one or things like that. It's just like continuing to habit that maybe paused for a little bit and giving yourself grace to do that. You know, when I go on vacation now I don't but I still take on my vitamins drink like greens and do things like that. So I think really not beating yourself up but having some form of accountability, whether that's a friend or group that you're in, in a positive way because I've had accountability groups that focus maybe on those negative habits and And I think that can be a slippery slope and a dangerous path and I just have to keep myself really interact with that.


[13:48] VL: Yeah, that's a great, those are great points, all those titles. I love that you have this have this ability to connect with other people who you know, get the same thing out of it that you do, they need the same support. And I see this all the time with the on the groups that I'm in as well. So you talked about a lot of different habits and some people might be listening and thinking like oh, she took this workshop and then all of a sudden she's always having to change your mindset and all these things. But it didn't come all at once!


SK: no! Like I had a lot of habits in place and I like I said the intention behind it wasn't always healthiest. So it wasn't shifting that mindset and then incorporating new things and asking myself, like who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be?


What are things that make me happy? What would make me happier? What would make me a better parents, all of those things will then help create those habits.


VL: Exactly. And I know that you and I talk a lot about habits, too and it's really about building one at a time and they can all have similar intention or they can have multiple intentions and why is behind them. So I love that you just keep growing and keep pushing yourself and keep stretching and doing all of those things to help you with your habits help you with your growth with your business. With that being said, Is there something that you've really noticed that's changed since you started cultivating these habits with this different intention, whether that's your life, that's your, your job, or maybe it's parenthood, like what kind of changes has have come out of creating these unhealthy habits with this better mindset?


[15:41] SK: Well, I definitely think that's for sure. I think it's created a sense of inner calmness that has allowed me to become a better I think a better human in general. But I also think that it's really reflected on my children. My kids are calmer. They understand the idea of they don't like they're the habits that I'm trying to help them form. But they understand the reason behind it. And I think especially when we're modeling for our little people, teaching them that there's a reason to start these healthy habits is a way to really get them to get on board. And I think that even modeling for you know, I wasn't always the most calm person and modeling like take a deep breath. When I'm going to give myself a timeout. Like all of these different things are really great. ways to show them how to approach life. And so I think it's made me a much calmer, better parents. and I think they can relate to me a lot more and once I let down that guard as well.


VL: 100% I think it's really easy to see and I mean this in the best way is a really a great compliment a doozy to see someone like it just you look like you have it all together.


Smiling but I will say I love those little kind of, I guess like business interruption so like content interruptions, you know, you're talking about your business, you're talking about your habits, you're talking about your success. And then you have these little content interruptions, which is like when your youngest is pulling out all the pots and pans from the drawer and spreading them all over the kitchen and you know it's it's not only a sense of like a course you are letting your guard down and be more vulnerable like not everyone shows this on their social media, but you're also taking people into your space of like being a little bit more behind the scenes and being a little bit more like yeah, behave. Yes, I can still have these habits. Yes, it can still make this work as a business thing things. It's doesn't always look so perfect doesn't always look so effortless right there is work to be done there. There is effort in a lot of the habit, but it's worth it. That's what it sounds like. 


SK: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And and you're right in the fact that like it's not perfect all the time and sometimes I don't feel like doing things at all. But it always comes back to because I've created that habit and because I know how it makes me feel like tap into my why behind and that always brings me back to a good healthy place.


VL: So before we close up, I want my question and that is to get to those whose feeling stuck, what would you say to someone who wants to start a habit but just share or maybe they're afraid or maybe they're confused? what would you say to them?


SK: Well, I think the biggest thing is to dive deep into why you want to start that habit. If it's let's say it's working out because that's something that often people want to start right like why do you want to start doing that? Do you want to be stronger? Do you want to be able to keep up with your kids? Do you want to just have those endorphins released? Do you want quiet time? Do you want to be able to form a community with the people that you go running with or cycle with? Do you want to achieve a certain physical something which there's nothing wrong with as well? Is there something that you want? And why do you want it because every single time that you question that habit or don't feel like doing that habit? Once you're able to tap into that you need a y that's going to actually motivate you because at some point that motivation will be gone. Right so tap into that why and then it will you know push you propel you forward.


VL: your why is that motivation that is that fuel to bring you forward. That's great advice.


So before we say goodbye, is there anything else that you really want to share with anyone listening to this or something that hasn't been said?


SK: I think just don't be afraid of failure. Don't be afraid of getting outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid of looking stupid and don't be afraid of what other people think. Because in the end, it doesn't matter. And I was actually going for a walk with my toddler today and I thought if all of us just approach the world like a toddler like jumping before they know that the ground is there or you know taking a pass where they don't know where it ends, or just wondering about I think we'd be so much happier. And so that's my biggest piece of advice is just, you know, start something before you actually know what the outcome is going to be.


VL: I love that experiment and have fun I love it. I was so good.


Thanks so much for being on the podcast today. I really appreciate you taking the time. I really appreciate you being vulnerable and trying experimenting and learning from your little ones and being able to share that today because honestly every time I see you show up I just feel like my heart is like beaming for you because I have seen the journey and I'm just so excited to keep watching and watching you Grow and Glow so it's really incredible. Thank you.


SK: Well thank you for having me.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E175: How to Press Publish on Your Writing Online
 
 

E175: How to Press Publish on Your Writing Online with Julia Rose

Julia Rose is the founder of Hello, Writer and a Writing Coach. She helps women press PUBLISH on personal essays so they can leave their mark on the world. If you've ever wondered..."am I a writer?" You are. Non-writers never ask themselves, “am I a writer?”

In Hello, Writer, you publish your ideas after sitting on them for years. You are scared and press publish anyways.If you’re here wondering if you’re a writer….that tells me you are.

Hello, Writer helps you actually feel like one…


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[01:06] Valerie LaVigne: Julia! Welcome to the women's apparel podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like you are one of our more unique guests because you have a very different offering than some of the other guests that we've had on the show. so I'd love to dive in to you, and you explain a little bit more about what you do and to help.


Julia Rose: Cool Hi, thank you for having me. My name is Julia rose. And I'll tell you a little story. So I have always been writing. But there came a point in my career where I was always writing for other people, executive directors, politicians, bosses, and most of these people were men. No surprise there. And then in 2018, I got what I thought was my dream job at a tech company in downtown Toronto. And for reasons I still to this day, do not understand five weeks into that job I was abruptly terminated and sent away and it was winter.


And I was lost in life and just really feeling confused. And so that February I decided to press publish on my own writing on a platform called medium. And that is the reason that I'm here today because I continue to press publish over and over on my writing. And now I've published over 70 pieces on medium about life love writing relationships. and that all culminated in me creating a course called Hello writer so I can help women do the exact same thing.


VL: That's so incredible. I mean, how empowering was that moment when you press published for the first time?


JR: Yeah, it was awesome. It was really great because I think the when you're a smart, talented, educated woman and you spend your time working hard to communicate for other people, there's a little bit of tension because on the one hand, if those are your opinions, it's not your name underneath it. And on the flip side, if it's not your opinion, you're still writing you're still writing. So you're caught between this weird place where either you agree, but you get no recognition for it, or you disagree and you feel this internal conflict. So claiming your own name as a writer and not waiting for someone to pay you or ask to join Globe and Mail, which was always a dream of mine. It is empowering.


VL: And it's so great that you are helping people do this too. I mean, I know for myself starting this podcast was something that helped me discover my own voice so I can relate to that feeling of empowerment in a little bit of a different way. It's not necessarily writing; however, I know that a lot of people listening to the show would definitely be interested in learning how to write their opinions or write their voice out. So can you take us through a little bit about how the process goes or what this would look like from someone who wants to express themselves through writing?


[04:29] JR: Yes, so I think the number one place to start is to consider that your thoughts and opinions are valid.


And that is a long, confusing place to start because there's a lot wrapped up in our worst. And especially I work with women or people who identify as women, we've basically been conditioned to not have faith in our thoughts and opinions and that's not our fault. That just is the way the world has been. So I if people are wanting to become writers or express themselves through reading, you have to start with believing that what you have to say is valuable. And I like to consider that just like we're in a relationship with other people. We're in a relationship with our thoughts. And in a positive thought, self relationship, we might think something and to take it further to write about it. We have to think, Oh, that's interesting. I wonder about that. So if you have a thought, let's say cafes are where creativity is found. Let's take that thought. If I wanted to expand on that writing idea, I would have to explore it with curiosity. Okay, so why do I think that? how does that show up for me? What more could I ask about that? etc, etc. So you explore things instead of immediately shutting them down.


VL: I love that you're using questions to explore things. I love questions. I love investigating these different sides of us. And you make a really great point of starting with feeling that validation or knowing that our thoughts and our opinions and and our feelings are valid. I see this very often in my own practices. What are some other maybe mental or, or other blocks that might come up with people when they start writing or when they start getting the idea of wanting to write?


[06:40] JR: Yeah, it's hilarious the spectrum of fear and how it shows up. So on the one hand, we believe no one cares what I have to say. Absolutely not a single person. So why would I bother is kind of where that thought exists. And then on the other side, we think, oh my god, everyone's going to read what I have to say and they're gonna tell me that this shit.


So these things are not the same, but in our brains and I think what I can reassure people with is that every writer I have worked with over the past two years, has expressed both of those things at the same time. So, I mean, that, in one sense, is very reassuring, because we can hold these two things that don't make any sense and still we can decide to push through and press publish anyways. But that's where people get stuck. They get stuck in being on the scene. and seen at the same time. And so the nature of my course Hello writer is to do that in a group so that you can see that other people are also having those same struggles. and you can kind of separate that it's really not a huge issue. it's just fear.


VL: And that's so common i I know exactly what you mean, when you say that you feel seen and unseen and those and the fears that are coming up are those things because I feel like I'm being taken right back to when I first published on my podcast, and it was me thinking, what am I? What if no one listens to this podcast? Or what's the point of it? And then it works. Oh, my gosh, would have ever listened to my podcasts and sees how silly I am. But something that really helped me was that I actually started with I'm going to translate it into like this video version because basically I did Instagram lives for five weeks in a row and I made those I took the audio and I extracted that and I made those into my first five podcasts episode so it was almost like I did it in this way where maybe it's like free writing or more of that creative. Like, who cares what happens? I'm just gonna do it. And when I did these five episodes, I really felt like okay, people know that this is why they know that I'm you they see that I'm a little bit nervous. and that's okay. and it really was about building this momentum to bring us to this is going to be 175!


So, you're going from maybe and then again, trying to move this into more writing because well, I'll get to this in a minute, but moving from the podcast to writing, even if we just did five short pieces or five entries, or whatever that was. We only get better with practice. and I feel like everyone has a story to share or a story to tell. Then some of us are going to be a little bit stronger with that writing. So a couple questions come to mind. How can we know that we are writers?


JR: Thank you so much for this question.


I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. and the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer, you are.


I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. And the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer you are Because I'm sorry, but people that are not interested in something don't ask themselves the question. I wonder if I'm a writer. I wonder if like we could it's an odd comparison but I think we can compare it to sexual expression and identity in that if we start to wonder about something it's a pretty good sign that we're interested in it, right, so with writing it.


[10:50] VL: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring.


JR: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring at that point. Yeah, absolutely. And I think how we identify is a big sticking point for people. So I'm also a dancer and I've been trained as a dancer since I was four and I can really relate to the idea of when I take a break from dance for a year. at one point in my life. I didn't dance for two years straight. Am I still a dancer?


Where does that identity Do I Do I have the right to call myself and I know that for a lot of mentors, which is like there's no I don't have the right to identify as a writer because I'm not out there doing anything. Okay, well, I wouldn't I invite you to take a step towards that. And I think that's what a lot of women use my course to do is to really get out of their own way and take the step towards that because the transformation I can share is that people come into the course thinking there's no way I would ever call myself that and they leave the course putting writer in their Instagram bio and launching, various things that they confidently say as one of their pieces of their life is that they're a writer.


VL: That's really cool. So, when people are ready to take your course or as you are taking your course what are some things that what are some channels or mediums that people are publishing on Is it their own blogs is other people's blogs, are they writing books, is this something that would also fit into the category category of writing a book.


JR: So I'm shifting things a little bit this year, but in previous cohorts, the publishing platform of choice has been media. So I love media. That's where all of my work has been published because it's completely open source. It's anyone can make a profile and you can hit Publish today, with no money out of your pocket. It also has 60 million monthly readers. So the thing with a blog and when you start to get into the writing world you want the first question is Where am I going to put it? And that gets people super stuck because then there's all these layers of perfectionism. Well, what's my brain? What would my URL be? What were my colors, what is my statement, etc, etc. And medium removes all of that nonsense because it is already designed. It already has a font and it's just your name.medium.com So that's why I love it. 


But specifically to answer your question about what kind of writing it is, what kind of writing is it? I like to call it personal essay writing? And that means that it's about you. It is your opinion, your life experience, your thoughts, as opposed to content writing, which is more about selling your product or service or positioning it. Most people in the course aspire to publish a book one day and that's also a part I find really interesting because I don't know if you relate but Writing a book is a goal for a lot of us. 


And yet, we're not taking any baby steps towards using our voice. We just think that one day, we're going to have two years in the south of France with a butler serving us food or we're going to go on this romantic Italy writing retreat and the books just gonna pour out of us. And then we're gonna pitch it to a publisher and we're going to be signing books like Taylor Swift's all too well music video.


Like no, it's not it. We have to take some steps towards using our voice in like small risk free scenarios if we're ever going to be signing books in a Barnes and Noble.


[14:55] VL: This is so amazing. I literally just went right to the south of France and that's where I want it but it's not it's not happening today. I'm not writing today. Yeah, maybe tomorrow or maybe we're gonna manage to make it happen. I might create the butler and a writing retreat. I was just gonna say I hear a retreat in my ears right now.


Okay, I love this and I'm so glad that we're having a conversation because selfishly This is also for me. I have often thought about writing and writing a book and I obviously do a lot of content writing. However, I sometimes feel that the podcast is a little bit more about my opinion, or it's a space where other women can come and speak their own opinions and tell their own stories. So you know, part of me is getting very excited. I'm also a little bit nervous that I'm saying this out loud.


Yeah, I really would love to write a book someday. Also, I've had astrologers and psychic mediums and different types of people in that spiritual round say to me, that I'm going to write a book or that I need to be writing a book and quite frankly, why Yeah, I would love to do that. But I'm going to be honest with you, I have no idea where to start. And now that we're having this conversation, I feel like okay, this is definitely you're making some very valid points and you're definitely calling me for help because, no, I'm not practicing my writing at all. So, of course you have your course. Let's say we're still in this little bit of a limbo space. I think I want to be doing this, but I don't know if I want to connect to something in a group right now. What is this in between phases? What can I be doing this time, or is that, if that question doesn't sit well, how do I know that this is the right course for me?


JR: Yeah, to answer the first question I was gonna say, I don't think it will be possible to get out of your way without being in a community.


Because I think if you wanted to, if you had the skills and you had the perfect mindset that is necessary to just start, you probably would do that.


Let's take me for an example. I didn't take a course to start publishing my thoughts and opinions. I don't know why. I didn't need someone pushing me kicking me in the butt or holding my hand to do it. I just had the drive. And that doesn't mean I'm better than anyone. That's just my situation. and that's why I do this job is because there's something unique and special about what I have created in my head that inspires me to continually press publish, even when it's really terrifying to do so and it definitely is still for me scary to publish.


So, how do you know that the Hello, Writer course experience is right for you, you would have to be willing to actually do the work. You would have to be ready. So it comes at a time where you're so tired of your show.


And you're so tired of not doing the writing because this isn't a talking about writing course. So let's imagine that even someone who maybe studied communications. I have a couple people that are professional writers that have taken the course they're journalists, but they don't write for themselves. and it's a very different thing when you start to internalize the writing because someone else isn't giving you an assignment. And in the course I make a very specific, very specific point not to arbitrate whether someone's work is ready to go.


So we have a cut. we have one touch point at the beginning of the course where I look at people's work and give them some feedback. and after that i i remove myself and that's weird for people because we grew up in a society where everyone is grading your work, everyone is scrutinizing your work. You might even have a teacher who hurt your feelings about your writing. A lot of people that have taken the course have these horror stories that a teacher told them to their face. You're not a good writer.


And we have to come in and say I'm sorry, that's one person's opinion. You want to be here so let's be here. This is getting long winded. But how do people know that they're ready for the course you are ready to actually get out of your way and take some steps to doing the thing of pressing publish writing, building it into your life and not just thinking of a one day pipe dream.


[19:54] VL: Sounds like it really goes beyond just writing and I don't mean to disrespect it by saying just writing but it goes beyond the action of writing. And it goes into this incredible opportunity for as we talked about empowerment, but there's personal development and this building of self trust and confidence. I feel like anyone would really benefit from that whether they're an aspiring author of their own book, or whether they just want to move through their thoughts like I I, I want to say thinking of this makes me feel like going through these things would help me with all of the ideas that I have in my head or all the thoughts that are going on and all of the things that I want to say but don't always know how to put them into words and having this community and the support would be so powerful in that transformation that you're talking about. So this is really, really cool.


It also has me curious, Can you share, obviously what without giving too much away but can you share, like, what kind of topics people are writing about a little bit more specifically just what people have an idea about what they have also could be sharing and they're writing or speaking to underwriting?


JR: Yes, yes. So the course is set up to facilitate people pressing publish. That's why I created it. I probably could call it the course press publish at some point. That's like pressing publish is always in big bold letters in my head. So we have a session on Fridays called fired up Friday. The intention is that you come up with a potential topic idea that you want to write about for that week. And you get fired up about it. So what happens often is people will come with something they think they should write about. And we can all tell that they're not excited about it. That's why it's called fired up Friday and we can look at them and say, I don't really think you're excited about this idea. Is there some reason that you're bringing this topic when you're not feeling excited about it like what is actually here for you? So we help people throw out what is absolutely not firing them up. and find the topic ideas. So what people have published is everything and anything but what comes to my mind is a piece that got someone a lot of recognition and was really terrifying for them to publish. spoke about their invisible disabilities.


I wish I could remember the title of the top of my head but they shared it on Instagram and the Alberta like a nonprofit that represents people with disabilities in Alberta reached out to them and they went on a podcast and now they have launched a whole movement around this idea that disability is not a binary because this person who wrote this piece exists sort of in this gray area of disability they can sometimes come across as able bodied, sometimes not. So these are the kinds of pieces that people work towards. They don't come right out of the gate saying like, this is me, this is the most scary thing I could ever publish. They usually do it halfway through the course. Other things people have written about are there's someone who's quite passionate about environmentalism so they write about sustainable development goals. But people also write about being divorced in their 20s and what that looks like with their friendship group. They write about what they learn when they ask their daughter. What does being kind mean to you. I personally write about relationships. A lot and as a breakup column.


It's everything and anything which is really beautiful about it because again, the idea of the fired up. It changes every day. So we really teach and talk about how to trust what's present for you now, so you don't have to waste time writing about things you think you should write about or would make you look impressive, just because.


[24:19] VL: WOW. This is so cool. I can imagine that. This would be not only transformational and powerful, but maybe a little bit emotional for a lot of people in the group. I mean, I'm feeling some waves come up, just listening to the stories. And this as I'm learning more about myself every day and this type of feeling that I'm having from listening to you, really I feel like I'm leaning in closer to this computer and this microphone, right. And I also feel like I want to lean into more of what that is. And so I wanted to point that out because sometimes I find this too when I'm listening to podcasts and maybe the listener feels this way too. They're like, you know, turning up the volume a little bit more or kind of tapping back to like, Wait a second. What did they just say again, I want to it's this experience that is happening. And as you're talking about this, I really feel your excitement and your passion for helping people do this and even in your story. As kind of briefly and amazingly, however you summed that up, it also has that kind of emotional, transformative feeling to it too. and like I can feel that empowerment from you when you talk about your own publishing, and then how people are getting published for themselves to you and you're helping people at that. I mean this is huge. I just really need to acknowledge it.


JR: Thank you. Yeah, like it really changes people's lives and it's strange, it sounds I always feel a little bit strange to say that in eight weeks, I'll change your life. because I don't want to be some sort of weird tech tech bro guru guy that's like, take my course it'll change your life.


But what I see from people is it's really beautiful, and I love my job. So thank you and I'm glad that it's translating because because it's great and it's really fun for me to help people tap into who they are. And it's funny for you to say that it's very emotional because someone who's taken the course has called fired at Friday free therapy and I'm not a therapist, but I have a lot of experience with the therapy process. So it's an honor that people come to that session and share how they're feeling people cry. People, people get really fired up because we're passionate about changing things and I think people that are drawn to writing are passionate about more importantly leaving their mark on the world. We're here forever. And writing has a way of, of living on after we are gone.


[27:24] VL: So beautifully said and somebody said that. And I do have a question too. So every week, are you writing something new? Or is it taking you eight weeks to write the one essay? I'm assuming it's different for everybody?


JR: Yeah, that's a great question. So the entire purpose of setting up the course, for me initially, was that we press publish every week, except for week one because we come in and we have to kind of acclimatize to this experience.


So people have in a week's published seven pieces. It's super aggressive. And I recognize that so I'm going to, I'm going to step it back a little bit in this next cohort, and I'm going to ask that people publish five pieces. And the reason for that shift is because people are diving into bigger and more powerful topics than ever before. And I think giving people two weekends to sit and work on something like that will benefit them, but it is We set up a Hallo writer calendar and every Wednesday before you come to class, there's a little notification that says press Publish, and then you come to class, so the invitation is there if you want to go for seven. Be my guest.


VL: Amazing. I love that this is so deeply rooted in taking action. And I know that we talked about this before for the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I really, I really feel that magic happens when we are in action. So to be able to, you know, it's scary, but it's also very exciting to hit publish and to be able to to facilitate this and to support people through this with a community on top of your expertise and your compassion is just amazing. So again, super happy for that. Speaking of action, is there anything I know we've talked about that the listener can take action on today to get started with their writings?


JR: Yes. Over the break over the last holiday break, I thought long and hard about this and there's lots of free PDF downloads in the world that you can look at and kind of throw in your trash bin afterwards. But I wanted to make something free that actually brings people through the components of the Hello writer program without them having to join the course because it is an investment of time and money. So I have a free challenge that anyone listening can join, it's Hello writer.ca forward slash challenge. I basically took the word WRITE. And it's five days. Five letters in the word WRITE. 


Write a five day challenge. So every day we break down what the acronym of WRITE is. And it's why not you? Inside ideas, template and execution. So inside the five day challenge is exercises that relate to each of those concepts. And I think if you commit to 20 minutes a day, going through those things for the five day challenge, just putting that writing habit in your brain is going to help you get started.

Instagram + Twitter | @juliarosewrites

Medium | https://juliarosewrites.medium.com 


VL: That is incredible. And again, I will link to those in the show notes page. And I really want to encourage the listeners to hop into this five day challenge. I know that I'm going to be signing up for this because it sounds awesome. And we have one more section of the women's apartment podcast However, before we dive into the rapid fire round, I wanted to ask you, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really feel called to share?


JR: I would love to encourage you listening that there is so much possibility on the other side of pressing publish and that just getting through the first 12345 pieces under your name is not the end goal, it's actually just the means to the end which is whatever you want to do with your opinions and your life.


Maybe you want to be featured on podcasts. maybe you want to pitch your work to magazines and publications. Maybe you want to get a different job. maybe you want to start your own business, whatever it is that you want to do, you can't do that if you don't believe in your own ideas and opinions. So just get started and you will have all these new things that you can't imagine.


Rapid Fire Round

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

I just picked up Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson



2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

I think it means to me doing things without knowing for certain what they will look like or deliver and doing them anyways.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

Wow. My longest standing habit. Probably going back into dance classes, just going to drop in dance classes for ever in my life as an adult, taking a break from that but still going back, I went to a dance class last night, or just signing up for class, and going, love that too.


4. What are you currently working toward?

I'm working towards my own apartment. I'm working towards a space that is entirely mine that I can use as I want to create a community for art, it's really important to me, and I want to be able to have a space that's really supportive, that I can post people in.


VL: I love that too. Julia, thank you so much for this conversation. I feel so moved by what you shared and your passion and how fired up you are about your work and about people you help. So I want to acknowledge your course I want to acknowledge you I want to acknowledge your story of taking the lead and doing a thing and pressing publish and how important you and stories like the one that you shared today are for people to hear and for people to kind of connect with you on because you are making huge changes in the world and you are supporting people in really powerful ways. So thank you so much. 


______

Well, if you couldn't already tell by that conversation I was thrilled to be speaking with Julia. And I actually hadn't met Julia before this interview, at least not officially. So what I thought was really cool was I was really easily and really quickly noticing my excitement and my curiosity for her program. So I joined Hello, Writer. So at the time of this recording, hello writer was being launched. However, it is now closed for enrollment and if you are someone who already follows Julia and her journey you'll know that we're not sure when Hello writer will come back around so well. However, I would still love for you to reach out to Julia let her know what you thought about the episode. If you feel called to be a writer or if you're interested in her Hello writer program.


You know, read some of her Medium posts, connect with her and follow her online and start the conversation because that's really how her and I got connected and that's really how I sort of understood the yes in my own body that yes, this is something that I want to do. Yes, for me. This is a step in the direction of a bigger goal. So this is that small step forward.


I'm really enjoying the group so far. We're about halfway through our course together and I've published I think four pieces already. I should check them out. But I'm going to link to everything that you need. In the show notes page. Remember at top Valerie living life.com forward slash Julia. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did love it, please screenshot the episode and take Julia and I on Instagram and let us know what you thought. Or if you're writing if you're inspired to write in your writing pieces and publish them on medium. Let us know also so that we can clap for your piece and highlight some of the points that really stuck out to us. And yeah, I'm just I had to come on here after to say how inspired this conversation was and also how inspiring Julia is. And I'm really glad that I joined Hello writer and there's no affiliate link or anything to this program. I'm just really loving it.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E174: BOOK REPORT: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin
 
 

E174: BOOK REPORT: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

NEW! Book Reports: I'm getting back into the habit of reading again and I LOVE sharing some of the great takeaways and learnings with you.

This is a new segment for the show, so I would really appreciate your feedback or book suggestions!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[01:27] The Four Tendencies

The indispensable personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better (and other people’s lives better, too)

Get the Book Here!


Benefits of knowing your tendency:

  • Use time more productively

  • Make better decisions

  • Suffer less stress

  • Get healthier

  • Engage more effectively with other people


Benefits of knowing other ppls tendencies:

  • More tolerant 

  • Makes it easier to persuade + encourage them + avoid conflict

  • Communication: It’s like speaking their language 



Intro of the four tendencies 

Take the Quiz


[04:20] Upholder

Meets outer expectations

Meets inner expectations 


Strengths:

  • Self starter 

  • Self motivated

  • Conscientious 

  • Reliable

  • Thorough

  • Stocked to a schedule

  • Want to understand and meet expectations 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Defensive

  • Rigid

  • Often struggle when plans or schedule changes 

  • Can seem humourless and uptight

  • Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined 

  • Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision, or discussion 

  • Demanding 

  • May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist 


[07:45] Questioner

Resists outer expectations

Meets inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Data-driven

  • Fair-minded (according to their own judgement)

  • Interested in creating systems that are efficient and effective 

  • Willing to play devil's advocate

  • Comfortable bucking the system if it’s warranted 

  • Inner-directed

  • Unwilling to accept authority without justification 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Can suffer analysis paralysis 

  • Impatient with what he or she sees as others complacency

  • Crackpot potential

  • Unable to accept closure on matters that others consider settled if questions remain unanswered

  • May refuse to observe expectations that others find fair (eg traffic regulations) 

  • May resist answering others questions 


[09:36] Obliger

Meets outer expectations

Resists inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Good boss, responsive leader, team player

  • Feels great obligation to meet others’ expectations

  • Responsible

  • Willing to go the extra mile

  • Responds to outer accountability


Possible weaknesses:

  • Susceptible to overwork and burnout

  • May show the destructive pattern of obliger-rebellion

  • Exploitable

  • May become resentful

  • Has trouble saying no or imposing limits


[11:06] Rebel

Resists outer expectations

Resists inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Independent-minded

  • Able to think outside the box

  • Unswayed by conventional wisdom

  • Willing to go his or her own way, to buck social conventions

  • In touch with his or her authentic desires

  • Spontaneous 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Likely to resist when asked or told to do something

  • Uncooperative

  • Inconsiderate

  • Has trouble accomplishing tasks that need to be done consistently, the same way, every time

  • Acts as though ordinary rules don’t apply

  • Restless; may find it difficult to settle down in a job, relationship, city

  • Struggles with routines and planning

  • May be indifferent to reputation


Applying the Tendencies to My Coaching Business


[14:40] When clients are struggling sticking to their healthy habits, I ask them to take the free quiz and let me know what the results are. The answer is almost always that they are a rebel. JUST KNOWING this about themselves usually takes the pressure off because it’s their natural tendency. I noticed this a lot in our 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge because some people had trouble being consistent where a lot of other people in the group were sticking to their habits.


As a questioner, I feel good about working with rebels, where some coaches may feel frustrated. I will usually pose my suggestions as questions so that the response or the idea or the DECISION is theirs. So I might say: 

“Have you considered trying X?” 

“ What would you think about Y?”

“Some people have found Z works for them.”

“Some ideas for you to consider are X, Y, Z”

And I usually finish with “if you want.” 


My goal is always to provide them with the information, consequences, and then the choice. It will always be their choice, and truth be told I gave up trying to change people a long time ago. I always feel this way, but I notice it more when I’m working with rebels, here’s what I’ve learned from being an investigator and a questioner. I’ve done the research and this is the data take it or leave it. But not everyone I work with is a Rebel. Wouldn’t that be entertaining.


The opposite of the Rebel is the Upholder. And I’ll be honest, Upholders are super easy to work with because they readily meet outer expectations. One of the things I notice most is that they have trouble shifting or changing big routines or very set routines quickly. So oftentimes we build out new habits, and swap bad habits with new habits slowly, one by one. It’s also important that they receive accolades of how great of a job they’re doing so this is something that I make an effort to highlight more.


The biggest struggles with Upholders may surprise you. It might be challenging for them to be “dealing with” the people around them not getting on board with their new changes, so this is where when we’re in a coaching session we come back to what’s important, and how we can find patience with others and communicate WHY this is important to them. Because not all Upholders live together ahahaha so I help them with these different dynamics.


Obviously I’m biassed to Questioners because I myself am a Questioner. Now in the book, Rubin says that Questioners don’t like to be questioned, which is sometimes true… I also appreciate the inquisition because to me that means the Questioner is curious and does want to go deeper. When a Questioner isn’t asking questions it usually means they’ve already made the decision.


With Questioners we put high value on research and intentions and information. Throwing out any rules around timing and focusing on what matters most to them. Knowing that Questioners don’t like to be questioned I stick to only a few key questions in a session, and usually do a lot of mirroring back to them and reminding them of what they’ve already decided or deemed important. Sometimes the Questioner needs confirmation or extra data to support their ideas and that helps them get into action. Especially since Questioners can experience “analysis paralysis.” Which means decision making usually takes place in the coaching sessions and I always give my clients a next step or action plan before getting off a call.


Lastly, the Obliger client. Obligers are actually the most common of all the tendencies. Since they readily meet outer expectations, in general they will take my advice and put a high value on meeting the commitments I’ve suggested in our coaching and working together. Knowing this about my client, I will highlight deadlines to help them keep them accountable. With the accountability, my 1:1 clients and I meet weekly, and the membership clients meet every other week as a group. 


With the membership group, each month we assign accountability partners. This gives them community and accountability with a new person every month. What’s really important for me to understand as a coach, when it comes to Obligers is that they may be putting someone else’s expectations before our coaching or there may be someone who could be exploiting them and this will cause frustration, burnout, and feelings of resent, which can also lead to Obligers becoming more rebellion. So not only will the check-in points/calls be for following up on tasks and how the habit building is going, but it will also be for checking in to see how they’re feeling and balancing any pressures that feel too big or overwhelming.


Although I did have my suspicions about how relevant this book would be – which Rubin calls us Questioners out for this – I do find the book to be very helpful in understanding myself, my clients, and also others around me in my business who haven’t hired me for health coaching. 


I recommend reading this book for anyone who loves any type of personality quiz or test, or personal development. It’s always interesting to learn more about yourself and even if you don’t use this in your business, you will learn something new about you or the people around you.


In business this is also extremely helpful if you are part of a team or work with other humans. I feel so much more patient with my team members and clients knowing these tendencies. 


I am dying to know what your tendency is! Take a screenshot of this episode and share your tendency with me on instagram @vallavignelife – or let me know if you’ve read this book already, and how you’re applying or using it in your life!


21 Day Challenge LINK HERE

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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