E238:with Amanda Hunter

Amanda Hunter is an embodied feminine leadership coach who ditched the 9-5 to follow her soul’s purpose where she gets to infuse pleasure and play with being of-service.

Blending woo with science, Amanda supports soulful entrepreneurs in cultivating their inner authority to become the leader of themselves first, and see their businesses expand as a result. She thrives on seeing women stepping into their power, playing bigger and taking up more space as they come to reside their true essence…

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have Amanda Hunter on the show today. Amanda, thank you so much for joining us All the Way from Australia, which is very far from here. So both of us are. Ready for either bed or ready to get outta bed. Exactly. But it's so, yeah. It's so great to have you. So welcome to the show. 

Amanda Hunter: Thank you so much for having me. And I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's opposite ends of the day for us, but I love that we're able to really connect and just share our stories and share what we're all about and be able to share that with your community as well, even though we're on opposite ends of the world.

VL: Yeah, it's pretty cool actually when you think about it, and it makes me think of also how. You know, people in the, the fields that we're in and the work that we do, we do things like this sometimes to get our message across or to share with others or to, you know, elevate or have elevated conversations.

We, we go out of our comfort zones. We connect with new people. This is the first time we're kind of connecting together in real time. And not just through email or dm. So it's all very exciting and. I know for myself, I, I was a little bit nervous. I, I was like, I've never recorded a podcast at seven in the morning.

Does my voice work at that time? It does. Definitely. Thank you. So that might sound a little different, but. But like I said, I'm excited to be here and I'm excited that we're connected in this way because a lot of what you share and a lot of what you educate on, and you know how I've kind of seen you on Instagram and and socials, is you show up and as this beautiful, incredible leader of light, of embodiment, of authenticity.

And it's quite empowering to see you because you'd not only speak. What you do and share what you do, but you, you live that as well. So I'm really excited to talk to you today about all of that, all the leadership and all the things. So can you tell us just a little bit about yourself and maybe how you got into this, I don't know if it's a niche or a topic or why you love it so much?

[02:45] Amanda’s Journey

AH: Yeah. There's so many different talking points around there, and I suppose starting how I actually got into this journey. I worked in a completely different field. I actually came from construction management, so completely different corporate. I was a contract administrator, and really it was something that I kind of fell into.

It was just something that I thought was the path that I was meant to follow. But when I actually had my kids and returning back to work, I think it's one of those sort of pivotal moments in life. You think, is this what I'm meant to be doing? Is this what lights me up? And the answer was no. But it took me a while to actually realize that.

And it's, it's just one of those things of when you actually start doing like that inner work and you start doing that soul work, you have that realization of where you wanna be, where you wanna go, but. When you are new to it all and you're not trusting your intuition, you tend to just dull it down. You think, no, no, no.

This is what society tells me to do. This is where I should be going with it all. And so that's what you do. And so I continued along that path quite some time and it wasn't until I actually started having some health issues that that was really the wake up call for me. And so when I finally got through all of that and had that dark night of the soul that so many people talk about, I just thought, you know what?

Life is too short. I can't do this. I can't go back to it. And it was time to really sort of like look inward and think, well what? What is it that lights me up? What do I love doing? And I've always been someone who is inspired by business and creating and wanting to actually build something that is my own rather than just following along.

But when I started my entrepreneur journey, I was just a baby entrepreneur. I didn't know what I was doing. And so I've had a few different iterations of my business to get me to the point where I am now. Funnily enough, I actually started in health coaching, which I believe is where you started as well, or where, where your qualifications came from.

And I think that's where so many people do sort of like enter the coaching space. They go, okay, well, What's my background? What have I done? And for me it was a health, and that's why I went into health coaching. It's, that's sort of just opening the door. And so once the door was open, I just sort of, my eyes were wide open too.

Like all the possibilities that are out there and what can I do with this? And I think this is where we start to see just, there is so much potential. There is so much out there in the world that we can do. But when we've come from like the corporate background, we've worked in a traditional nine to five, that's what we're being taught is available to us.

And so when I then sort of started doing my health coaching business, I thought, this is amazing. But where I really love working is more around that spirituality piece. I love the lifestyle, I love the life coaching aspect of it as well. And so that's then what I went into next. So that was like iteration too of my business.

And from there, it's just as you start to. Work further in this, and the more that you do it, you really start to hone into what it is that lights you up. And that is just so much of doing that inner work. It's about finding out who you are, what it is, what it is that you really love, and having the confidence to really step into that, not do the shoulds, not do what other people think you should be doing or others are telling you that you should be doing, but instead just like following your, your truth, following your essence.

But it takes time to get there. And so this is really, and I think your question was about like what does, what does leadership mean to you? And this is so much about what leadership is. It's about getting really comfortable with who you are, finding out what it is that you stand for, becoming that inner leader first.

So then you could then see that move outwardly in your business and. So I suppose that was just what really lit me up, what excited me, and I thought, look, if this is what I'm doing, I want to help others do exactly the same thing. 

VL: That's so lovely. And when you say it with your accent, it's even more beautiful.

But in all seriousness, I can definitely relate to that feeling of you're feeling like you're kind of wandering because you're not really sure where you're going. There's so much information out there, which one feels right for me? Or how do I define leadership for myself? And you kind of go through life unconsciously, and it's most of the time, Not our own faults, it's just we're going through the motions.

We don't stop to think about what that means or how we wanna show up. We don't stop to think about ourselves cuz we're constantly responding or reacting to things. So I'm so glad that you know, as, as much as you had that dark night of the soul, I think that's the universe's way to say, Hey, stop. Slow it down.

Take a moment and realize that this is not the path that we said we, we were gonna put you on. And you know, it obviously brought you to where you are now, which is in this incredible coaching world and helping all these people. So, you know, it's good and it's bad. 

[07:40] Listening and Responding to Life’s Whispers

AH: Definitely. And, and you're so right there as well about the universe.

We get these little whispers and. If we don't listen to them, they turn into this scream, and it's quite often that's when everything falls over. So let's just use health, for example. Say you've got these little twinges, you're like, I should slow down, but no, no, no, no, no. I need to keep my exercise routine.

I'm gonna keep pushing myself. I'm gonna work through the pain because that's what we're told to do. Work through the pain. Instead of actually then listening to our body, we are just continually pushing and pushing and pushing until our body turns around and goes, nah, that's it. I'm gonna set you out for a week.

You're gonna be lying down flat on your back. You're not gonna be doing anything. But it's about listening. Listening to the little whispers before they turn into those screams, and just stop us in our tracks.

VL: Oh my goodness. I'm so glad you said that, because it's very true. And not just for health, but in our businesses, in our relationships, in all areas of our lives.

[08:32] The Power of Mindset in Business and Leadership

So let's maybe shift gears and talk a little bit more about the mindset, because I feel like. We're always looking outwards as to what I should do, where I should start, how do I do this? But a lot of what you're saying is really touching in on our internal relationship and how we're thinking. And so look, can we like take a step into the mind?

What are some of the things, if we're someone who is. Newly navigating this space and wanting to understand our true selves and our  authenticity and kind of become more conscious as leaders. What are some things that we can do or say to ourselves or how can we get into that? In our mindset. 

AH: There's so many different moving parts to this, and I think something that shows up so often for people who are really new to business or new to mindset and things like that is this idea of comparison.

It is so easy to look outside of us and think that's what they're doing, that's working for them. I need to do the same and. It's great to get inspiration from people. It's great to get a lay of the land and see what's happening around the place, what's working, what's not working. But when that starts to then cross over from just market research, if you wanna call it that, into fullon comparison.

Then that's sending that down with Spiral. So that's one of the things that we need to really sort of conscious of when we are building our business or just in life in general, really, when we are looking at other people is to not compare. We don't see what's going on for them. We see the highlight reel of what's working, what they're wanting to show on Instagram or social media.

We don't see what's actually happening behind the scenes. And let me tell you, it's, it's not gonna be all sunshine and roses. It is. They're gonna be having hard parts that they're working through that they don't necessarily want to air for everyone to see. And just as a side note on that one, I mean, if I'm working through something as well, I'm not one to go and share exactly what's happening in the moment.

I will work through it myself, I will sit with it, I will integrate it, and I will share the lessons. So it's very, very different to sort of coming at it from like a dear diary entry of, Hey, this is going wrong for me. The world is caving in. But coming back to the mindset, There are so many different avenues to it.

There's lots of different practices that you can do as well, but it's really about coming back into yourself. It's about not looking at others and finding some practices that are gonna be really beneficial, beneficial for you. So for example, some people love journaling. I dabble in a little bit of journaling.

It's not my go-to, but it's something when I need to really work through what's in my mind. I find it a great way to get out what's in my mind onto paper. There are some other things that you can do. I mean, meditation and mindfulness are beautiful ones as well. There are, and I'm sure you are across all of these as well, like breath work and there's so many different things that you can do.

But what I'd really recommend is incorporating, say one or two that you can really use as your anchors when you are wanting to ground yourself, wanting to get in the zone, wanting to just come back to you rather than looking outward beyond yourself. 

VL: Yes, absolutely. And I also have dabbled in kind of all of those things.

And I think trying, one, seeing how it works. If it's great, keep it going. If it doesn't, try something new. And I will add one piece to that, and it's do that practice at the beginning of your day before you start looking at other people's work or before, even if you're not doing the r and d, if you're just.

Going on Instagram or on TikTok, it could be very overwhelming. And that's kind of what the app has meant to do, is to overwhelm us and suck us in. And so if we can set ourselves up with that foundation before going into the social media and all these things, it makes a huge difference in how you act or react on those sites.

It's what you're saying is so true. I know so many people who. Keep telling me they want to start a business, but they just don't do it. And all the things that are holding them back is like, it's not perfect. And I'm like, well, perfection is just another form of procrastination. My business is not perfect even today.

But it's true. Nobody shares those things with you. And even if they do, they're again, they're sharing the lesson, which is like, oh wow, that's so wise. But I didn't get there today. I got there because I had to go through a little blood, sweat and tears and nobody sees that part of it. Yeah. No one sees that.

You've just spent an hour trying to figure out why you deleted all of your email contacts. What happened to me one time? Oh my God. Oh no, I know. Like recently. Oh, oh no. Yeah, so we, 

[13:17] Perfectly Imperfect

AH: I mean, having a business is such a learning, like a, a learning group. It's part of your evolution. It's part of your growth.

It's part of learning. I mean, having a business is the biggest personal development journey you are ever going to go on. Mm-hmm. Like you said, you don't wake up on day one and go, I know how to do this. You look at the journey of someone who's been doing this. Years and you can see the progression. It's actually amazing to go back, find someone that you absolutely love and inspires you find their social media.

Scroll back a couple of years and you'll see that they're just like you. They just started. That was it. They put themselves out there just one foot in front of the next. They didn't care if it was perfect. So mean. Hey, let me tell you, some of my worst or best performing reels are actually the ones that I did in a couple of minutes.

I stuffed them up and then I've just gone really well. I thought, ah, whatever. It's not perfect. It's done a job. 

VL: Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's true. I've done that where I scroll down to other people's posts and I'm like, oh yeah, I used to do that, or, oh wow. Look how imperfect that is. I feel way better. But it's true because even for myself, even with this podcast, I had no idea what I was doing.

I had no clue what I was doing, and we are. Exponentially growing as a podcast and it's incredible to see. Like I remember celebrating my first 2000 downloads. I remember being so excited. I was like, oh my god, 2000 downloads. That's so crazy. It seemed like so much. And this year we hit over a hundred thousand downloads and that is just.

Like, but it's incredible. But people have said, who have kind of binged the, the podcast and have listened from the beginning and kind of go through. They say, Val, you can hear in your voice, you can hear the growth, you can hear the, the evolution as you say. So it's so exciting. It's, it's exciting for yourself to look back at what you've done and also to see your own mentors and the, the, the other people that you look up to.

So, yeah, I mean, I think we also just take things really seriously and we have to enjoy the process as we go. It's part of our growth. It's part of that development, my friend says Having a business or being an entrepreneur is a personal development with a paycheck. I was like, yeah, that's totally true.

AH: Definitely. And it's often not the paycheck in the beginning either. I mean, that's part of your learning. If you look at, say, a, a traditional nine to five, you're gonna get paid for your time. Every hour you, you sit on the seat, you're gonna get paid. But as an entrepreneur, those first months, years, whatever it takes.

Sometimes you're not getting paid your worth. And I think this is such a, a hit for, for so many people when they do start their business, they're thinking, hang on, I am so much better than this, and yet I'm getting paid nothing. And so they just tap out, which is really sad to see because I know that if they stuck with it and they did that mindset work, they did that inner work to really build their self-belief, then they wouldn't worry about that.

They'd be focused on the end goal, the impact they're gonna create, the people they're gonna help and just know that it is a long game because it is.

[16:13] Creating Safety in Business

VL: Mm-hmm. It's tough, right? Because I understand. I mean, we need money to live our lives and for myself, I have, as a manifesting generator, as you can relate, I have a lot of different projects.

I have a lot of different things that I, I love and I do, and so I teach Pilates and I own a Pilate studio. And I also do my health coaching business. And so I have these two things, and for a long time, the one really helped the other. The one was how I was kind of funding the other, but it allowed me to have that sense of grounding and security so that I could keep going.

Whereas I don't know, if I didn't have the two things together, I don't know if I would be able to continue the podcast to continue all these other projects that I have. Because I gotta put food on the table, right? Yeah. But I love it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But but there is that opportunity to do this in alignment with something else.

So, yeah, I mean, it's true. You just wanna say, hold on, just, just a little more, but obviously you can't. Tell them exactly how much time and Yeah, exactly. 

AH: And I mean, you've, you're spot on there. It's about that creating safety. And if we don't have that sense of safety, our nervous system is just all outta whack.

We're feeling stressed, we're feeling anxious, and that comes across in our work as well. And there's nothing worse than when you are showing up for your clients or you're trying to attract those clients in, and you're coming from this place of scarcity and you're coming from this mindset that's just.

All over the place, they can feel it. And so therefore it's then almost undoing all of that good work that you've gone and done in creating your business. So I get it. It's tough. It really is tough, and this keeps coming back to why it's so important to really do that mindset work, do that inner work, and make sure that you are building that belief and you are become, being really grounded in your confidence and knowing who you are so that you can go ahead and, and build that business even with all those perceived setbacks that you might be experiencing.

VL: mm-hmm and really coming back to what you're doing, why you're doing it, and just it again, it is such a self-belief for sure. Yeah. The amount of times I just need someone in my ear to be like, it's okay. We all go through this. Yeah. So definitely I would also recommend investing in a coach even early on.

And for me, I didn't have the means to do that, and so I, I found one or two people that I knew that I could binge their podcast or I could read their books or I could take their courses. So I might not have been working with them one-on-one, but I found ways to. You know, learned everything I could from their own journey through all these different platforms.

And so that was it. That was a huge part for me. And then continuing that was community and finding other people who do what you do or who do similar things. I can't tell you, I have a lot of friends who are not in the entrepreneurial world and it's hard to. It's not hard to open up to them, but it's hard to, for them to understand what I'm going through because they're like, just get a job.

You get benefits and you know, it's not that simple. And that's not really the quote unquote advice that I was looking for or the space that I want it to be held for me. And no, they're not necessarily doing the same mindset work. And so having that. Community, having a coach. Those are some really amazing resources, but also things to invest in when you're in those beginning stages or even now.

You're still, when you're still hanging on and you're still going through it definitely. Mm-hmm. 

[20:08] The Journey is Life-Long

AH: And I mean, we don't stop doing the work. I mean, the personal development work is, it's a, it's a lifelong journey. I remember back early on again, baby entrepreneur, I was thinking, oh yes, I've done the course.

I've sat down, I've done the Weeklong Entrepreneurial Personal Development Journey course, and I thought that was it. I'm done. But you haven't, you've just opened the door. There is more and more to unravel and the thing that comes up for you once is gonna come up again, but it's gonna come up in a slightly different version.

It's always going to be there. And so I like yourself. I a hundred percent agree on having a coach. It's someone that I've had, I've had quite a few different coaches throughout my time as well, and being able to go back to them and, oh, Just speak to them and get that clarity and that reassurance, and I'm not going crazy, am I?

And then you have, have your session and off you go again. And you are straight outta the gates and off you go. And you're amazing. You're feeling a hundred percent and just wanting to take on the world again. It's just the best feeling in the world. 

VL: Mm-hmm. It's so nice to have someone in your corner too, because like we were talking about, a lot of people just don't see what you're going through and they get it because they've done it.

Yeah. So many times people are like, oh, wow, you're doing such amazing things. I'm like, am I though? Because I feel tired. I'm so tired. Yeah. And I'm just like, and this is my nudge, my wink from the universe as they slow down. Just take a break. You're doing good things. You need to rest. It's okay. We've talked about the mindset. We've talked about surrounding ourselves with really good people.

[21:38] Ways to Build Our Inner Authority and Fully Embody Conscious Leadership

What are some other ways or perhaps some other practices that we could start doing that really helps us build our inner authority and fully embody that conscious leadership? 

AH: Hmm. Yeah. So there's two things that I really love to do and they kind of melt together.

One of them is around. Catching yourself with any thoughts or stories or beliefs that come up. And something that I really love to do is if I have this thought that comes up and it doesn't seem quite right, I say, is that really true? So is that really true or is that simply just a story that I'm telling myself in the moment?

And what I then do is I then go looking for evidence of it. So evidence to either support it or disprove it. Because if we think about everything in life, every experience that we have is simply our perception. It's not necessarily the real truth of what's happened. It is our truth. So everything is through this lens that we've applied and the lenses that we create based on our entire life experience.

So what's happened to us as a child through to now, that creates the lens for which we see everything in the world. So if we come back to the question, it's really about pausing and going, is that true or not? And so once we then discover the truth or the the mistruth of it, then that allows us to really take action based on that.

Another thing that I really love to do is to be able to interrupt and change my patterns or change my behaviors moment to moment. And this takes quite a bit of practice in doing so. And it really comes from the idea of metacognition, which is around becoming aware of your unconscious self. So it's about thinking about your thinking.

And the, the three steps to do this are really about uncovering it, observing it, and then changing it. So it's about becoming aware of what it is that you're doing or what it is that you are thinking, and then doing a bit of self-reflection. So having a look at the behaviors or having a look at the thoughts, or having a look at what is surrounding that particular thing that we've uncovered, and then it's about interrupting it.

So it's about self-correcting from moment to moment. And the more you do this, the better you get at it. The first time you do it, you're like, oh my God, how can I do that? This is icky. This doesn't feel right. But the more that you practice it can actually integrate it into. Your life, it starts to prune away those old circuits.

It starts to reprogram the new ones, and you can make sort of changes really, really rapidly in what you're doing. And I just think that's so, so important to be able to do that. In terms of like your growth, it's just, it's phenomenal once you start to master that. Mm-hmm. 

VL: I'm thinking of how I do this all the time, and I just sort of talk to myself.

And at first you're like, I'm a crazy person, but it actually really works. And I, I really believe that it's rooted in that mindfulness because you have to be able to recognize it, bring awareness to what's happening, and then, like you said, interrupt it. So, yeah. I, I love that. I love how you've explained it.

We talk a lot about. How habits are formed in our minds. And I talk a lot about the neuroscience and the neuro circuits, and a lot of these changes can be made through mindful practices, through meditation, through just taking a moment to pause. It's almost not doing something, but instead slowing down, taking a step.

I have a, a sticker here. I was tidying up my desk before this and I. Looked at the sticker and it says Slow and steady, but at first, because it's very early in the morning, I read it as slow two Steady, and I was like, oh wow, that's so cool. And now I'm reading it again. I'm like, oh, that's not what this sticker says.

Anyway, but I like the slow two steady because it reminds us that. You know, we need a starting point. We need to then move from that starting point, and that's when we start to build this momentum. And in this entrepreneurial journey and in even in just life, we're going forward, we're going backwards, we're going fast, we're going slow.

Mm-hmm. But if we just recalibrate slow to steady, I think that's a lovely practice that we can do what you shared. So thank you. I feel like I have homework today to do with 

[25:51] Slow to Steady

AH: Perfect. Like handing out the homework. Well you mentioned there about the slow to steady. It reminds me of something that I always say and it just came up one day and looking back and I thought, oh, that's quite profound.

But at the time it didn't seem quite right because it was quite early on in my entrepreneurial journey. It was the slowdown to speed up and I thought, Here I am trying to do all the things. I'm trying to tackle the to-do list. I'm just a hundred percent running into what it is that I think I need to do.

But it's not getting any of the results. And so I thought, you know what? I need to slow down to go fast to speed up. And when I actually did that, when I stopped and I paused and I was able to just sort of zoom out and take in the full picture of what it is that I was trying to achieve, how I wanted to feel, what I wanted the other people to feel, and, and really got a bird side view on what, what was going on.

It then allowed me to sort of really pull back in and go, you know what? I don't need to be doing all of those things. I know what it is that I'm trying to achieve, how I'm gonna create that impact, what my true vision is, and now I can sort of smooth at a slower pace towards it because that's actually gonna achieve the outcome, rather just running at a frantic speed and doing all of the things that I need to do.

And it's something that we're kind of taught and is ingrained and We are told to do in sort of like patriarchal society is that we just do, do, do. We don't be, and this is just such a, a big thing that I've been getting into lately, the whole feminine embodiment and really dropping into my feminine.

And it's so much about being present in the moment and the difference that has made not only in my life, but in my business is just profound and I feel so much better for it too. 

VL: I'm so glad, I'm so glad that you have gone through this journey and can share these things as you grow and as you continue to move through it.

And yeah, we are ingrained to to do, do, do. And go, go, go. And, Not just be, which is such an incredible thing. And I always think of, you know, we're human beings, not human doings, but we don't take enough time to to be. And the other thing that it reminded me of is what you said just a little bit earlier, which was, The reflection piece to it.

How can we reflect on what's working, what's not working, what we love, what we don't love. If we don't slow down for a moment and ask ourselves like, did I love this process? Do I want a podcast? Do I want to do these things? Am I excited about sharing this through a course or a book or, you know what I mean?

And, and it's, it's so simple to just. Reflect on what we loved, what we didn't, and find that gratitude for how far we've come. And then it's easy to get stuck with, again, circling back to the comparison and all the other things that come with personal development. Yeah, absolutely. You have shared so much amazingness.

I would Is there, is there something that hasn't been said? We have a little bit more of the podcast, but I just wanna make sure that you've shared everything that you feel. Excited about. So take it the moment to reflect if you need. 

AH: Yeah, I'm gonna pause and sit with that, and that's sort of one of my favorite things at the moment.

[28:51] Sitting with the Stories

Well, not at the moment, but something that I've really been conscious of doing is just sitting with things. And I used to, when someone would ask me something, one of the stories, again, this are the stories and limiting beliefs that we have. One of the stories that I would tell myself is that I'm not smart enough because I'm not jumping back with a response.

And we are all different. Everyone has different ways of processing information and what I've come to be really comfortable in with mine is sitting with things. And so I feel comfortable saying to people now, like, I just need to sit with that. I'll come back to you. I'm not gonna give you just the response off the top of my head, because this actually means something to me.

I wanna actually take the time, just sit with it. Allow it to sort of, where do I feel it in my body? What feels good? Really just mull it over and then come back to someone with a response. And so that probably wasn't what I wanted to add, but it was just something that came up in that moment and I thought it was just, yeah, it's an important story to share because do what feels good for you.

Don't listen to anyone else and just beep, pause, reflect, and your like intuitively, your answers will come to you.

VL: I love that. Okay. Thank you. How can we find you? How can we follow you? How can we support your business?

AH: Yeah, so the best way to find me, as on Instagram, that's where I like to hang out and build my community, which is @iam_amandahunter

you can work with me. I am opening up spaces for one-on-one private coaching at the moment. So that is something that is available and I would love to share a really incredible free gift that I've created as well. And this is something that is, Amazing at changing up your energy. So this is for entrepreneurs before they start work for the day.

So again, this is before you actually sit down and do any of your stuff before you consume, before you create any of that, it allows you to really sort of drop into your body, step into that like sacred c e o, embody your leadership and really get activated to bring forth all of your energy and all of your power that you've created.

So that's also available on my website and I'll get you to pop the links in the show notes. 

[31:05] Rapid Fire

VL:We have, we have one more segment to the show. It's called the Rapid Fire Round. I'm gonna ask you four questions. Are you ready? 

AH: I'm ready. 

VL: Question number one is, what are you currently reading, or what is your favorite book?

AH:  Oh, I am rereading a book by Dr. Joe Dispenza. He's one of my favorite authors, and it is called oh, isn't that terrible? Becoming Supernatural (affiliate)

VL: Question number two is, what does empowerment mean to you? 

AH: Mm. Empowerment is about standing in your truth. It's, and I'm sort of sitting here as we're talking.

I've got my shoulders pulled back. It's about my head high. It's not allowing anyone else to take away from my true essence. It's about just being all of me. Yeah, it's about being me. That's what it is. 

VL: Oh, that's so lovely. Yeah. What is unapologetically? Unapologetically, yes. I feel like people need more of this permission or to give themselves that permission.

Yeah. Question number three is what is your longest standing habit? 

AH: Oh my longest standing habit, I would say. And I know you're gonna like this one. Pilates, it's, I've been doing Pilates for about 18 years now. Gives away my age, doesn't it?

VL: Oh, wow. That's so exciting. Yeah, I love Pilates. Do you do map Pilates and do you do reformer Pilates?

AH: I am doing reformer at the moment. I have done map before and I've also done the, the private sessions with all the different apparatus as well. That's probably my favorite, but at the moment I'm just doing reformer.

VL: Amazing. I love reformer. Okay. And then the last question is, what are you currently working toward?

AH: Oh, can I have some context around that? Is that anything in particular?

VL: Anything at all can be personal, it can be professional, it can be you're going to bed in a few minutes 

AH: after, after that. No. So what I'm working towards at the moment is actually moving overseas, and this has been something that has been a, a dream for our family is.

We're very big on experience. It's one of my highest values. So some of my values are, or highest values are experience, adventure, family, and this one kind of ties it all together. It's about taking the family overseas and being able to learn through life rather than through books. So yeah, the next, the thing that I'm working towards is moving overseas and it looks like Bali, hopefully this year.

VL: Oh my goodness. That's huge and very exciting. Yeah. I'm so happy for you, Amanda. Thank you so much for taking the time to share space with me and to sit and share this wisdom that you have. I feel like this is such a valuable conversation for people to not only listen to one time, but to revisit For sure.

And I, I wanna recognize you and acknowledge you for. All the incredible things that you're doing and again, how you live, what you share, and how you embody what you teach. And I think that's such a, a powerful leader is someone who shows up and does what they say and not just do as I say, and not, or do as I, yeah, do as I say, not what I do or whatever that saying is.

You really do walk the talk. So that's incredible. And again, I'm just so grateful that we were able to connect today. 

AH: Thank you so much. I'm receiving that with much love and I'm reflecting the same back to you. You are certainly someone who does embody everything that they talk about, and you are an incredible lady yourself.

Thank you so much for having me on the show.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E241: Better Your Personal Brand to Create Impact and Income with Marina Girgis

Marina is a brand expert helping freedom obsessed entrepreneurs build true to self personal brands to grow their platforms, income and live vivaciously…

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BONUS: Healing & Transformation through Art

Marina’s career in art and fashion spans over two decades. After winning Canadian fashion design awards in her twenties, Marina went on to graduate from Parsons School of Design with a BFA in Fashion Design. She’s also designed and stepped into the Creative Director role for multiple leading fashion brands in Canada and internationally, such as Joe Boxer and Joe Fresh. In 2019, a lifetime of creating original artwork culminated in Marina creating her own distinct aesthetic of dreamy watercolours paired with luscious materials for a luxury collection of sustainable, wearable art pieces.  She calls them Magical capes...

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

E237: Human Design as a Tool to Understanding How we Can Create Habits & Routines

Elle Hamilton is a Self Discovery Guide and Human Design Expert, supporting women seeking clarity and confidence in navigating their life path. Her approach empowers clients to reject societal expectations, embracing their own journey with a unique blend of self-awareness and intuitive lifestyle design. Through exploration of their Human Design Chart, she helps clients rediscover their authentic self, realize their unrestricted potential, and seize a life of empowerment and freedom…

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Valerie LaVigne:   Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to bring on a special guest to the podcast. Welcome Elle I am. I just feel like I'm buzzing.  I'm buzzing with excitement  because I love that I've stumbled upon you and you're incredible. Content, your videos, your posts, like it's so aesthetically beautiful, and I'm very drawn to that.

And also so much information, so much valuable wisdom, so I cannot wait to what we get into today. Thank you so much for being here. 

Elle Hamilton:  Oh, thank you. I'm so glad that you know how you post things on Instagram and you never really know who's looking at it and what they think about it. Like you might get some likes and that, but when you actually hear it, it's like, so thank you for that.

VL:  Oh, you're most welcome. I'm so excited. Because one of the things that you love, I mean, you'd love to talk about lots of things, but you travel, you talk about human design, you talk about harmonizing in your life with. Using your design, using your type, using the strategy of human design to really.

Embrace and embody the world around you, and it just is such a beautiful, beautifully led life that you, I mean, that's what I'm seeing on your social media and on your YouTube channel. So I love that we are talking about this today. Why don't you tell us a little bit about how you got into human design, some parts of your journey, and for those of the listeners who human design is new to, cause we haven't really talked about it on the show very much. Maybe just like the intro of that, what is it? 

[02:39] Human Design is an Awareness Tool

EH:  Yeah, so I'll start there. So human design, it's, it's an awareness tool. So most people I've heard of astrology, you might know what your sun sign is. I'm a Pisces and people pretty much know these things, even if you don't know all the full breadth of astrology.

But human design is made of five different. Ancient and modern system. So astrology is one of those. The shocker system is another very popular on its own, of course. The it, the Cabala and quantum physics. So all of these things are meshed into one. And basically when you're looking up, your Hume design is based on your birthdate, your birth time, and the birth location, just like astrology is.

So you can go to websites like. mybodygraph.com or geneticmatrix.com, and you'll put that information in and it'll spit something out that looks like a body. And most people see this body, this picture of a body, and it has like shapes on it. They're colored in. Some are white, it's numbers.

And I know for me, when I first saw it, I'm like, what in the world? What is this? So yeah, so you'll get that information and then I always encourage people to just start with a few key elements when they look at that, see that, and don't get overwhelmed, but we can talk about those things in a bit. But just to talk about how I got introduced to human design.

I've always been one of those people that has been into astrology and looking up the horoscope in the back of magazines when I was little, like even though I wasn't supposed to taking personality tests online, I think I've always just been curious and trying to figure myself out. And then it was like when I, my last in-office corporate job I was.

It was such a, a bad experience, honestly, and I call it my corporate trauma story, but it was an instance where I was just really unhappy just trying to figure out my life and what do I actually wanna do? Like why am I so unhappy here? And just the way I was being treated at that job, it was very stressful.

I felt very like overwhelmed, undervalued type of situation. And. That stress really started to take a toll on my body. So at one point I broke out in hives, like full body hives. Didn't know why I was trying to come up with things. Well, maybe I ate this, or maybe it was a shirt I had on and went to the doctor and they're like, we don't know either.

They did test. They're like, there's nothing wrong with you. Gave me steroid chops. And then I had like this chronic neck pain and. I, I won't even go into all the things that were wrong with me, but I went to the doctor and they're like, there's nothing wrong with you. It was, it was mental, you know, but that was hard to say.

It was like, what's going on? And so I think that's what really made me curious about, okay, you know, you're unhappy with what your life is right now. You're unhappy with this job and all of these things are happening, but what are you gonna do about it? And I started to get curious. So I really delve, delve into like the world of.

Self-help and trying to understand myself. And through that I eventually stumbled upon human design. And when I read, when I first like pulled my chart and read it, like started to research what all these elements meant, I'm like, oh my gosh, did someone write this about me? Because it felt like someone was writing about me specifically.

So ever since then, I'm like, people have to know about this. And then I started to. Study it on my own, like just through Google. And then I enrolled in all of these different courses with different teachers because everyone has their own way of teaching and their own perspectives on the system. So it kind of just sucked me in and here I am now talking about it.

Yeah, I talk about it all the time, and my friends kind of, they laugh at me like, oh, she's about to ask someone their birth time. Like, I'm that, that kind of person. So yeah, I'm, I'm all about it now. 

VL:  I love it so much. I'm so glad. You know, I mean, I hear a lot of these very transformational stories of people who came from pain and suffering and disappointment, and this not being heard, not being seen, not being taken seriously.

And then, You know, they find something, they find the right thing that helps them open the door to this entirely new life. And you look at photos of you when you were in that job versus how you are now. And it's almost like you're looking at a different person because you've had this experience. And so, first of all, I just really want to bring awareness to the fact that that was very brave and courageous of you to say to, to get curious.

Because a lot of people, you know, they lie awake at night wondering. What's going on, what's wrong? But there are no solutions lit up for them, or they're not, you know, taking those steps to, to, to get curious and to ask those scary questions. So congratulations for that. That's amazing. And I'm so glad that it's brought you to just this more expansive and incredible life that you're living.

And it's really helped me find you so, So many, so many things to celebrate from there. I feel very similar to you when you talked about like reading the magazines and the horoscope at the back of the magazine. I am someone who is super into astrology and now I am more, well, I'm also interested in human design and I'm a line one and I dive into everything I need to know.

I need to investigate all of the things. I need to sign up for all the courses and read all the books. And so you're meeting me at a very kind of. Interesting beginning part of my human design journey. So I definitely don't have all the answers, but I do know a few things and I will say similar to what you said at the beginning, I looked at that chart and I, the body graph, and I was like, what the heck is this?

Yes. I have no idea what these shapes mean and why is this line black and this line is red and so many questions. So it can be overwhelming. And I think a great place to start with learning anything new is just by, you know, asking questions and getting curious. And, and my question for you is, what is your type and your profile number?

[09:02] Foundational Pieces of Human Design

EH:  Mm-hmm. So I am a two four emotional manifestor, so, When we talk about like the foundational elements of human design, most people start with their type and then each type has a strategy and I'll talk about that. Your authority and then the profile. So the profile for me would be two, four, and that is the, the hermit and the networker.

So I used to always call myself an ambivert, which is like a mix of introvert, extrovert. And then when I learned two, four, I'm like, duh. I'm like, that's so true. So that's my profile. And the profile is pretty much like how you interact with the world, how you interact with people. And then emotional is my authority.

Authority is how you're designed to make decisions. Most people are taught that we need to be logical, we need to make decisions with the mind. But in human design, No, we don't make decisions with the mind. We tune, tune into like our inner authority, and that's usually tuning into what your body is actually telling you what, what signals are coming up for you.

That's how you make your decisions. And of course there's always gonna be an element of logic, but we, that's not the deciding factor on, you know, how you move through life. So I'm emotional authority, so that means that I'm making decisions based on what my emotions are actually leading me to what they're telling me, what information they're giving.

And then type, I'm a manifestor, so there's five different types. US manifestors, we only represent 1% of the population. Not one, I'm sorry. We are 9% of the population. But we're the initiators. We're here to like get the ball rolling on things. Set. Basically setting the vision and then getting the other types on board to help us make it a reality.

And I know you are a manifesting generator, so manifesting generators make up about 35% of the population. You guys are the multi-passionate, you have lots of energy and. I would say like most of my family are manifesting generators. So when I learned that, I'm like, I could see, I could see how we're different.

You know, it makes sense. And then another part of the manifesting generator, you have the generators who are Well, let me put it this way. So you have generators, you guys not you, but the generators are designed to like master things. They also have a lot of energy, but when I talk about manifesting generators, they're a hybrid of the manifestors and the generators.

So in total generators and manii man gens, you guys make up 70% of the population. So basically, The way we move through, through this world and how everything is set up is pretty much built for generators and manifesting generators, which is great. But if you're a manifesting gener, if you're a manifestor or one of the other two types, it can be difficult cause you're not built the same.

And then we also have so I cover three types. So we have the projectors, which they're the guys of the world. They represent about 21% of the population. And. Just like the Manifestors, they don't have as much energy, as much consistent energy as the generators manifesting generators. And then the fifth type, which is the most rare of all of them, is the reflectors.

So they're the, they're the ones that make up 1% of the population. And with them, they. They're like the mirrors of the world. So whatever they see, they're reflecting that back to the rest of us so that we know what's working and what's not working. So typically when you look up your Hume design on one of these websites that I mentioned or any other one type is what you would start off with.

And it, you know, when you meet people and they're saying, oh, I'm into human design too, and they'll probably tell you what their type is, cuz that's like the most foundational element of human design. So that's just a brief overview of the types. 

VL:  Love that. I know that people are probably listening and be like, I need to pause so that I can figure out what I am.

And I highly recommend looking that up on any of the sites. I'm actually gonna link to all of the, the tools that you share today in your show notes page, which is gonna be at valerielavignelife.com/elle. Okay, so we learned about the types and now we're figuring out what our type is. Let's say we know our type.

[13:28] Generator VS Mani Gen VS Manifestor

Now I do have a question because I often get tripped up about manifesting generators versus generators versus manifestors. So I'm just gonna be a little bit selfish here with this question and ask you. So sometimes I hear that if you're a manifesting generator, your strategy is to respond, which I understand, but how am I different from a generator than I am from a, in a than I am as a manifesting generator?

Because I guess where I'm confused is do I also initiate or do I only respond? You know what I mean? It's confusing. 

EH:  It is.  The manifesting generator strategy is to respond, but then they take action. They would also need to. Inform. So that's the manifesting part. And then they initiate.

So it's like you have all three elements in your strategy which I'm sure that could be very tricky to figure out, you know, what exactly you're supposed to do, but you're still, like, with the manifestors, we, we might get a download or we have an idea and we. We need to inform, but then we take action.

It's kind of like we're not really asking anyone's permission or consulting. We're like, Hey, this is what I'm about to do, just fyi. And then we go do it. But with the manufacturing generator, you guys, you're seeing something you might see like in something that's calling. Someone might ask you a question, so you're responding to that, but before you do anything about it, you're like, Okay, cool.

Hey, this is what I'm about to do, and then you do it. So it's like you're not just taking action on your own first you are responding to something and then you're informing and then you're taking the action. So hopefully that is a bit clearer. 

VL:  Yeah, I think so. I think so. I think you're right in saying, I mean, I'm trying to think for myself of what I do, and I definitely try.

It helps me if I'm responding to something, even if it's just an idea. Like actually right before we started this call, I was just popping through Instagram and an ad came up and I really liked the layout of the ad, and so I had to screenshot it because I'm like, oh my God, I need something. I need to do something with this.

And it's not like the ad is irrelevant to my business, but I love the setup of it. And that's, Now I'm gonna do something with it. I don't know what I'm gonna do yet, but I feel like that was me and my gut responding to, cause I'm a SAC authority, so I felt like I'd needed, you know what I mean? I just. I dunno what I'm gonna do with it yet.

EH:  Like something was put in front of you for you to respond to. You know? Like even though, and I think sometimes people get confused because you think it needs to be a person specifically asking you to do something. I don't think that's what it is. It could just be something that is presented to you or maybe you're calling it in somehow.

I always like to say like the generators and manifesting generators have this magnetizing aura, so you might just find things just coming to you and it may seem mysterious, but I don't think anything is a coincidence. So it's like you're drawing these things, you're magnetizing them to you. For you to respond to.

And I love that because I like, I'll see like my Mani gen friends, it's like things are just coming to you. And I'm like, that is just so cool. I wish things happened to me in that way, you know? But it's a really beautiful thing, like to have this aura where things are just like, you know, just coming to you, for you to respond to.

VL:  Very cool. I'm, I'm sure everyone is now thinking I need to know everything about this. Maybe just me, cuz I'm a line one, but, okay. So we've talked about type, we've talked about. A little bit of energy and how some types have a little more energy than others. There are quite a few differences. And obviously we could talk about this for hours and hours on end.

[17:22] Using HD as a Tool to Understanding How we Can Create Habits & Routines

So let's narrow it down to something a little bit more specific. And that would be in terms of and we can use human design obviously as our tool, but how can we use that human design tool to understand. How we can create habits, how we can create routines in our lives. Because I know for myself, I was someone who really did not like the word discipline.

I did not like the idea of structure. And then people meet me and they're like, yeah, but you're a healthy habit mentor. How does that work? So maybe you can help us understand that from a human design perspective. 

EH:  Mm-hmm. So the whole concept of human design, the founder, the person that. Brought it to the world.

He calls it an experiment, like human design is an experiment. A lot of times people think, okay, this is the right way for us to live our lives, to work our jobs. This is the right way for us to have routines and all that. And it's really built as if there's some kind of one size fits all blueprint. And I hate that, like we're not all the same.

So human design is also known as the science of differentiation. So it's pointing out all the ways that we are different. So each individual human design chart, this body graph, You know, it's, it's yours. Like it's very unique. Like there's probably no one else that has it exactly like yours. So what I like to do is encourage people to experiment.

Like even if I'm sharing your human design with you, it's still up to you to experiment with what works and what doesn't work. But when I'm looking at routines and habits and whether a person. Probably does well with structure or maybe they're a go with the flow type of person. I like to look at something called a variable or an arrow.

So if you look at your body graph or the chart, your human design chart near the head, you'll see four arrows. There's one on each side, and the one that is at the top left hand side is your digestion variable. And what that one does is tell you whether or not. How you do well with structure and routines.

And so when it points left, that tends to mean that you, like, you prefer structure, you like routines, maybe you like consistent habits. And I mean, anyone could have a habit, but like I. What probably resonates and feels most natural. If it points left, you probably like that consistency. But if it points right, then I tend, you know, those people tend to prefer to go with the flow.

And so when I'm looking at someone's humane design chart and I'm, I'm looking at that specific variable, I'm like, okay, so. And people that have it go into the left, they tend to like structure and they're, they're cool because that's the way that we are taught. We're taught to like structure, even like the school.

You need to be here at this time and do this and do that. And this is the way we learn. So if you have it pointing left, that feels natural to you. But if it points right. You've been told, no, that's not the right way to do it. No, you need to be consistent. No, you need to fall into this structure. And so it might be a struggle for you to have these consistent habits, routines, rituals, and whatever.

So then what I like to recommend is that you have a soul led choice. And so with that sola, to me, that means. What, what is feeling good to your soul in that moment? It might not be the same every day. You might not have this structure that you like to follow, but. You tap into what feels good, right?

Then what resonates then? So when it comes to goal setting or creating habits, or just adulting, we all have things we need to do. I recommend that you make a list of the goals. You make a list of the things that you have to do for the week, for instance, and then each day when you wake up, it's like, okay, let me look at my list.

What do I wanna do today? What would feel good? What would feel. You know, the most useful thing for me today. And then pick something. Instead of being like, every day I gotta do this, this, and this, and having this, you know, a regimented schedule. So I recommended my clients choose, like, choose from their list of and create a soul led choice.

So that's one thing, but then also just What else do I wanna say about like habits and rituals? I think when you're looking at your type as well, we talked about like how some of the types have a more consistent, like physical energy versus some do not. So like the manifesting generators and generators, they have this more consistent physical energy.

So sometimes it's easier. I don't wanna say easier. Sometimes it might be better or it might feel better if it's something that they really enjoy, something that lights them up for them to keep going with it and putting that physical energy into versus with a manifesting, I'm sorry, with a manifestor projector and reflector.

We have less consistent energy. And so even if you, you know, mentally you wanna do something, maybe physically, you don't actually have the energy to do it. So I think knowing your humane design can help you tune into things like that. So, like for me, as a manifester, And my whole family is manifesting generators or people at work or generators that manifest.

I didn't know about that then, but you know, I'm trying to figure out why can't I keep up with what they're doing? Why am I, they seem like they're, they have more energy, or they're just doing more than me. Why is that? Am I lazy? I used to feel, am I lazy? And No, I'm not. It's just that I'm different. So that's what I really like to point out to people.

Like knowing your human design, it doesn't mean that you need to live by everything this chart says, cause we also have conditioning. You know, maybe you were conditioned to be really structured. That's also a possibility. But I think just having the awareness that we're all different and that needs to be a consideration and to not judge yourself or feel guilty.

I think that's one beautiful thing that human design does is just. Keeping that top of mind we're different. And it's up to you to experiment and find out what works for you. And also when I'm talking about like self-care or like rituals and habits, I think it's, it's nice, it's beautiful to be inspired with, with what is working for other people.

And you can try it out for yourself, but if it doesn't work for you, Boom, move on. Like that's cool. And find something else that it does. So, you know, and I, I'm a structured person, so I have these left facing variables, but I'm also creative and I like to go with the flow in my own way. But I'll try out different things for a while and I have a pretty solid, like morning routine.

But even then as a structured person, sometimes I find that I get bored with it and I'll just change it. I'll switch it up like, You know, right now I'm doing like a thing called six days meditation, but before that I was doing the pasta meditation and sometimes I'm just literally just sitting there, you know?

But I give myself the freedom to just try different things and switch it up when I feel like it's time, you know? So I think just not holding yourself to a certain thing allowing yourself the flexibility to slow with what feels wire feels right for you. I think that's really important. 

VL:  Yeah. I love all the things you said.

A lot of it is, it's interesting because. I mean, I do all the quizzes too. I dive into astrology, into human design, and the more you learn about yourself and even without those tools, just sitting with yourself, being with yourself, spending time alone, you really start to understand who you are and what you need.

And while your energy is like, even without the, the lingo of human design. And I pulled up my. I pulled up my body graph. So I have three right facing arrows and one left facing arrow, which I think is so funny because even though I do have, I do have structure in my life, there's no doubt about it. I mean, I have Telium and Capricorn, so there's gonna be some sort of, there's gonna be some sort of structure for the astrology listener.

But I, similar to you, am tapping into how I feel today? Or do I wanna spend that energy, the abundance of energy that I have? What's lighting me up? Where can I, you know, best serve and make the better impact or the best impact? And I think that something that human design really brought to light for me was as a manifesting generator.

I'm very multi-passionate and very multi-faceted. And I think that was a huge part of a struggle for me in business. People kept saying, you have to do one thing. You have to specialize in one thing. You have to be known for one thing. And I'm like, but I'm not that. And I felt so confused and frustrated, and lost and, and frustrated.

Okay. Frustration is like the key that you're not living your design for manifesting generations. 

 EH: And they're like, why are we laughing? 

VL:  Yeah, I know. I was like, wait, we should probably say what, what happened? But yeah, it was such a, it was so interesting to me to read that about myself and to learn those things and it really helped me.

[26:38] HD in Action in Life + Business

Take pressure off myself. And I think that's what these tools do for people is they say, Hey, it's okay that you feel a little bit like the black sheep of the family. It's okay that you feel different because you are, you are different. And that's beautiful and there is so many incredible parts to you that really shine.

And don't worry about the stuff. Like not your family maybe is all Manny gens, but you're a manifestor and that's wonderful. Right. I have a friend who's a projector and her two boys and her husband are manifesting generators, and I was like, oh wow. Good luck. How do you keep up with those three? But yeah, it's helpful not only to understand yourself, but also like you said, the people around you.

So I love that. I love that. We can look at the arrows, the variables in our chart and say, oh, yeah, I am a go with the flow person. Okay. I don't have to feel like I have to do the same thing every day in the same way, in the same order. So I really love that part of what I, I coach and I teach. Through my courses and my mentorship is that we don't actually start the day with an arbitrary habit.

I'm not someone who's like, you need to drink lemon water every morning. Listen, if you wanna drink lemon water in the morning, power to you, please do that. But if that's not for you, then don't worry about it. Instead, we are starting a day with a question, and that question is, how do I wanna feel? And perhaps your question is different.

So right now my question is, how can I bring the joy? How can I find the joy? Or how can I experience joy today? Cuz that's really what I wanna focus on. And so my word changes every day of how I wanna feel. Like I said, right now it's joy. But joy to me might mean something very different to you. And so we are both experiencing joy in our own way.

For me, it might be a cup of coffee for you, it might be a cup of tea or grounding in the earth. It's still joy, right? So, yeah. I love that. I love, it's just like embracing your differentness. You're breaking, embracing your uniqueness and human design. I love it. And creating the, the supportive rituals, routines, the habits that really make you shine and light you up and, and bring you closer to your design.

EH: That's so good. 

 Human design, it's, for me, it's all about, we're all like, we have this magic in us. You know? Like even when you might read something in your human design, that might seem like a flaw. It might seem like this is a challenge for me, but I like to look at, okay, how can I turn that around?

How can I actually work with that? You know? So to me it's all magic and we just need to kind of do a reframe on what it is. So, yeah, that's one thing that I think human design has made me look at things in a different light. 

[29:16] Taking Action to Support Your Energy (Type)

VL:  Absolutely. That's so great. I hope the listener really feels called to learn more about themselves.

I always like to inspire people to take action on the show, and I hope that, you know, it's just one part of your chart that you wanna learn about and see how you can play with that. I love it. I would love to know about your own experience in terms of what helps you stay motivated and inspired and continue to explore and create this incredible content.

As a little bit of a background, I mean, I've watched you travel through a few different countries now since I've started following you, and you just seem like you have, you're so inspired and you bring so much. Life and light. And I know you talked about being a manifester and getting downloads. How do you stay connected to that energy?

What gets you inspired and what, what helps you receive those downloads?

 Yeah. I think just. I'm here for the experiences. I'm like, I wanna experience the things like whatever, whatever it is I'm interested in at that time. Cause my interests will change. Like if you, you know, if you've known me for a while, like I've had different businesses and side hustles and it might be very different, but I'm a multi-passionate too, so I'm like, I'm just allowing myself to be led by whatever is catching my eye at the moment.

I might, as I keep exploring and just learning new things, I'm like, okay, actually now I wanna dive more into this. Let me read books about this. Let me take a class about this. But I'm here for experience and I'm here for growth, so I'm like, I just wanna be. The best version, the highest version, the highest expression of myself.

I, I know that I'm here to create. I know that I'm here to learn new things and share that with other people, and that really excites me. So I'm the kind of person that if I'm diving into this topic and I know somebody who's also interested, I'm like, Ooh, did you see this? And I'm sending them these books and I'm sending them all these.

Things that I'm learning. Cause I get really excited. Like I get energized by learning. Cause I'm a very curious person. So, and I think also my travels helped me with that too, because you know, you're in different places and you're exposed to culture, you're meeting different people along the way. So all of that just fuels my curiosity and just really keeps me going and, You know, one thing about like social media and I try to do be a balance of both, but a lot of times people can seem so, oh, they're so high vibe.

They're so this, and you know, it creates this perception of like, This person has it together, they're happy, they're living their life, and it's so joyful. But that's not always the case. So me being an emotional person, I try to share both. Like, you know, this is what's ha what's happening. This is, you know, what I'm doing right now, or this happened, oh my goodness, but this is how I'm gonna deal with it.

So I do try to share what I'm learning on both sides, like the happy sides and then also the challenging sides too. 

[32:14] Connect with Elle

VL:  Perfect. So good. It's so nice. It's so nice to follow you. On that note, where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business? 

EH:  So you can find me @ElleUndefined on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube.

I tried to be consistent there so people can find me with ease. And so what I'm offering right now are human design readings and it's called Illuminate the Muse. And that's to me, we're all the mus of our own lives. So, You are here to become the c e o of your own life. You are here to own it, to own your gifts.

And with my human design readings, I like to look at what is the magic that's in you? You know, all of these different layers of a human design. I try to break it down in the most easiest, applicable way that I can. So yeah, I'm all, I'm all about empowering people with human design. Like I don't want it to feel like.

A label or this is something that you have to do. Because if I have a client, they read something and they're like, oh, I don't know if that really, that'll, that doesn't feel like me. And I'm like, okay. You know, it doesn't have to, it might feel more relevant to you later. Maybe as you continue experimenting with it, then something will make sense.

But I like to give the information and we talk about like how you can integrate it into your life. So that's the illuminate, the muse reading. But I do have a coaching program that will be coming out soon that's helping people tap more into that and just becoming the muse of your own life. That has been like my word for the past year, because.

For me, him design really also opened me up and. I guess knowing the way that I'm different and what that magic is, I became even more confident in who I am. And now I'm like, you know what? Oh, you're doing that. Yeah. That doesn't, that's not who I am. I don't have to do that. And I feel like I know who I am and so I wanna help people, you know, help women also get that same level of confidence and tapping into that means within.

So that's on the horizon. And yeah, so connect with me @elleundefined. Online website, all of that. 

VL:  Amazing. I will link to all of that in the show notes page. Again, it's at valerie levine life.com/elle. I'm very excited. I'm gonna go browse your offerings and we do have one more final round of the show.

[34:33] Rapid Fire Round

It's called our Rapid fire round. Are you ready? Oh yeah, you're like Uhhuh. I guess I better read. Okay, question number one is what are you currently reading or what is your favorite book? Oh my gosh. Gosh. 

EH:  I'm reading so, so many things. I'm the kind of person that is probably reading at least five books at a time.

But let me see. Which one do I want to choose? I am finishing up. The Mountain is You. So that one's all about the ways that we self-sabotage ourselves. So far it's been a really great book. And then also reading another book about how to heal ourselves with apple cider vinegar. So I, yeah, it's a range of books.

I'm really into just wellbeing in all aspects. So how can I be my best self mentally, but also physically too? 

VL:  love that. I'm gonna have to link those five books at the same time. Are you sure you're not a manifesting generator? 

EH:  Well, if someone said Your chart is wrong, I would be like, Hmm. It's possible.

I'm kidding. No, but yeah, us manifestors are also like, be creative. We're not, maybe not as multi-passionate as the the managing, but yeah, we haven't touched that too. 

VL:  I love it. Question two is, what does empowerment mean to you? 

 EH: Empowerment means just the belief that you can do, you have the capacity that you're able.

So when we empower other people, we are pouring into them, you know, and giving them, helping them have that belief for themselves. But then we can also empower ourselves. So that's really what my brand is about, is self-empowerment. Cuz I think when we put too much. When we give outsiders or external factors, too much authority in our lives and our decisions, then we're taking our power away and giving it to them.

It's in their hands. So I think self-empowerment is very important cuz when you are self-empowered, then every person that you come into contact with, every situation, it's you. You, you're able to come in with a sense of ownership and this belief that you are able no matter what, even if there's a challenge.

But I think it's really important to focus on self-empowerment. 

VL:  Love that answer. Question number three is, what is your longest standing habit? Hmm. 

 Longest standing. Journaling is definitely one, one of them. So I started journaling in 2018 when I had my first solo trip to Bali. A, a client at the time, she said you should take a journal.

Cuz you know you're not gonna remember all the experiences you're having and I'm like, I don't do it a journal like what? But I, I bought a journal anyway and I didn't think I was going to use it, but it was my first solo trip and it was for six weeks and I was so excited. And I'm always kind of like that, where I'm brave when I'm about to do something and then it doesn't hit me what I've done until it's, it's Google time and it's actually happening.

So I arrived there and that very first day that I woke up, I was like, oh my gosh. Who takes their first solo trip across the world for six weeks. And I was having this moment of like freaking out, like, oh my gosh, like what am I doing here? And so I pulled out that journal and started, started just writing out like I.

All of the feelings, all the thoughts that were coming up. And I realized that it really helped me to make sense of what was happening. And I've been journaling ever since then. So 2018. And then the next one will be meditation. Those two, I need those in order for me to, you know, keep, keep myself sane pretty much.

 Yeah. Those are great. And the last question is, what are you currently working towards?

 So I'm working toward being a full-time expat. So I've been dabbling over the past couple years, but at the end of 2022, I moved out of my LA apartment and now I'm again living in a suitcase. But now just getting all of the things in place to be fully abroad that's something that I'm working toward right now.

VL:  Ooh. I'm so excited for you. I love this journey for you. I love this conversation. Thank you so much for being all on the podcast today. It has been a pleasure talking to you. I'm sure I'm gonna stumble upon a human design post that I'm gonna have to send to you in the near future. And I just really wanna say that I, I do really love following you truly.

And I think that what you share and what you embody and how you practice what you preach, it's, it's so powerful, it's so meaningful. And I, I hope I don't just speak for myself, but the other people that follow you, you really light up my screen when I see you and I always learn something. So thank you so much for everything that you do.

EH:  Thank you so much, and thank you so much for inviting me to have this conversation. It's been great. I can talk about Himes design all day, so it's nice to be invited to actually share it, so thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E238: Ways to Build Our Inner Authority and Fully Embody Conscious Leadership with amanda hunter

Amanda Hunter is an embodied feminine leadership coach who ditched the 9-5 to follow her soul’s purpose where she gets to infuse pleasure and play with being of-service.

Blending woo with science, Amanda supports soulful entrepreneurs in cultivating their inner authority to become the leader of themselves first, and see their businesses expand as a result. She thrives on seeing women stepping into their power, playing bigger and taking up more space as they come to reside their true essence…

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E203: THE NEW SOCIALS MODEL: SOCIAL MEDIA BOUNDARIES, INSTAGRAM FOR BUSINESSES AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN WITH AMANDA KOHAL

Founder & CEO of the Wolfe Co. Amanda provides business owners with access to reputable resources, community connections and trusted guidance/education to start converting on social.

After working as a brand marketing manager in corporate, Amanda ventured on her own and took her love of digital marketing and ran with it. From helping clients earn $10k from just 2 Instagram stories, $77k from one DM and $28K social media launches, Amanda has turned many personal brands and service-based businesses into cash cows.

Her efforts have awarded her two RBC + Women of Influence nominations and a Bronze in the 2019 Canadian Marketing Associate awards in the Customer Experience category…

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E236: Habit Stacking: Maximizing Your Time and Energy

I like to joke that if you tell me your habits, I will tell you your future. Kind of like a modern day fortune-teller hahaha but seriously, where you are a year from now is a reflection of the choices you choose to make right now.

Just like where you are in life today, is a reflection of the choices you made one year ago! Share with me in the comments of this video, or DM me on instagram @vallavignelife to let me know what dream future you want to build and we can reverse engineer this with tiny habits.

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Welcome back, I am so happy you’re here. Thank you for choosing this show to spend your time with. Whether you’re listening while working out or going for a walk, or maybe you’re watching the video version of this podcast, I am so very grateful for you and your time.

I’ve been hosting and producing this podcast for over four years and there have been a lot of variations of the show over this time. One of the things I’m super proud of through creating this project is the consistency and momentum that we’ve been able to build with the show. I could not have done this without you and your support for the podcast. 

If you’ve ever written a review, or shared an episode, if you’ve taken the time to DM or email me about how the show has impacted you, if you have been a long time listener, or a new listener, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Your support has been overwhelming and has not gone unnoticed. I read every single review, every thoughtful email, and comment on our youtube or instagram and I appreciate you.

Today on the podcast we’re going to talk about consistency and momentum with your healthy habits and how you can maximize your time and energy.

[01:55] Habit Stacking 101

One of the best ways to build a new behaviour or routine into your life is by habit stacking, also known as habit sequencing.

This is a systematic approach to creating healthy habits, routines, and rituals in your daily life. This system uses existing moments of your day as triggers for your new behaviour. For the purpose of today’s episode, I will refer to Habit Sequencing and Habit Stacking interchangeably.

To better understand this system, I’d like to share two formulas with you. The first is the HABIT STACKING FORMULA

After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].

The second formula is the TEMPTATION BUNDLING FORMULA

After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].

Let’s break these formulas down:

Current Habit = a existing part of your routine

New Habit = the behaviour you want to add in

Habit I Need = could be your new habit, or a healthy habit you'd like to start doing

Habit I Want = maybe something in your existing routine, or maybe something you're trying to eventually break, or a type of reward.

Let’s check out some examples using the Habit Stacking Formula

After I [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].

After I turn off my morning alarm, I will begin my morning ritual and check in with myself.

After I do my skincare routine, I will lay out my yoga mat for my evening yoga practice.

Here are some examples of the Temptation Bundling Formula

After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].

After I complete my morning meditation, I will check my socials.

After I finish my workout at the gym, I will have an espresso.

After I make myself breakfast, I will feed my dog.

Now you try! Use either of the formulas with your specific habit. It doesn't have to be perfect at this moment. This practice is for better understanding where your new habits can actually fit into your daily life.

When we’re talking about and looking at our formulas, what we’re actually doing in this practice is creating triggers for our new habits. 

[04:09] Anchors, Prompts, & Cues… OH MY!

We experience HUNDREDS of triggers, prompts, anchors, and cues everyday. 

For the purpose of our podcast: triggers = prompts = anchors = cues

Cues are the invisible drivers of our lives, and we barely notice them. Most of the time we just act! The light turns green, and we go. Our phone dings, and we check the message. When the tummy grumbles, we search for something to eat. It can be a natural prompt, or a designed one, but it does the same thing. It says, "do this behaviour now."

This fact is a strong part of my WHY because it's so easy to live life on autopilot. We go through the motions of a life designed FOR us, but not always BY us. And even when life is designed BY us, it's usually in response to stress, fear, scarcity, and survival. This is a life by default.

I teach women like you how to design a life of meaning and purpose. a life that offers freedom to choose, and opens up abundance and possibility.

We design a life you're passionate about, a life rooted in FEELING! And we do this through the tool of healthy habits.

[05:37] Types of Prompts

When we’re designing a meaningful life, we can better understand prompts, and the different types of prompts.

If you remember from last week’s podcast episode, we talked about this a little bit too. 

The first are person prompts. These prompts rely on something inside of you to do the behaviour. The most natural person prompt is our bodily urges: hungry, tired, thirsty, need to go to the bathroom, etc.

Next are environment prompts. This is anything in your environment that triggers you to take action. Examples: alarms, sticky notes, rearrange your space to support your habit, app notifications, etc.

And finally, action prompts. The most important prompt because this is a behaviour you already do that can remind you to do your new habit. Something in your existing routine that cues you into action.

Our habit stacking/habit sequencing works with action triggers. That’s because our behaviours happen in sequences, one after the other.

When building your new habit, you will design the sequence for it. Your current/existing habits are the anchors for your new habit. The first step is to identify what your current anchors are. 

Ask yourself: Where can this new habit naturally fit into my day?

[07:00] Helpful Tips

When you’re building your habit stacking formula, it’s important to BE SPECIFIC: put your current routines under a microscope, what is SPECIFIC about your anchor/prompt? EX. "after I eat breakfast" becomes "after I start the dishwasher"

The truth is, we cannot run away from habits, but we CAN design them to support our health, wealth, and happiness. The most important part is to START! Anchor into your feeling word, and investigate where in your current routines can you build in your new habit?

[07:44] Transform Your Habits Course

Need support with building your habits and routines? I’d love to help you each step of the way. You can now enroll in the self-paced course Transform Your Habits. I designed this course with you and mind so that you could empower and elevate your life with healthy habits that ACTUALLY matter.

In this course, you can experience the power of creating positive change in your daily routines and lifestyle. 

Your transformation is possible through tiny actions! 

Head over to www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge to enroll today!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E237: Human Design as a Tool to Understanding How we Can Create Habits & Routines

Elle Hamilton is a Self Discovery Guide and Human Design Expert, supporting women seeking clarity and confidence in navigating their life path. Her approach empowers clients to reject societal expectations, embracing their own journey with a unique blend of self-awareness and intuitive lifestyle design. Through exploration of their Human Design Chart, she helps clients rediscover their authentic self, realize their unrestricted potential, and seize a life of empowerment and freedom…

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E164: MANIFEST YOUR GOALS WITH MINDFULNESS WITH JUNIELLE ROSHER

This is truly a wonderful conversation that brings anxious, or futuristic minds back into the present moment without losing sight of our big dreams and goals…

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E235:Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything (BOOK REPORT)

When it comes to change, tiny is mighty. There are super small changes that change everything in our lives! These changes become habits, and those tiny habits can make or break our futures. Why? Because a lot of our habits happen automatically, or by default. This can lead to frustration, or feelings of going through the motions with no goals achieved or set. 

It can also lead to happiness, freedom, and success by your definition. The difference between these two outcomes? Is a life by default, versus a life by design…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne. I help women like you create a life by design, not by default so that YOU can truly step into your best self and finally let go of the toxic habits holding you back.

Part of what sets me apart from other Health or Life Coaches is that I use the power of simple changes; small and seemingly insignificant behaviours; tiny habits that lead to TRANSFORMATIVE results.

I combine my love of neuro/behaviour science with spirituality such as astrology and human design to support my one-on-one clients and our community members. Speaking of Human Design, I am a line 1 profile meaning I am an investigator and love diving deep into topics that LIGHT ME UP! Habits – naturally.

Something I started last year on the show was sharing some of my research and findings through “Book Report” Style Episodes. These episodes feature books I’ve read and how I use them to support my clients.

If you haven’t already guessed it, today’s book report is TINY HABITS by BJ FOGG. (affiliate) sound familiar? Maybe because it’s a New York Times best seller, or maybe because a couple other books I’ve shared on the show mention this book too!

And for good reason, Fogg has done some pretty groundbreaking research and founded the Standford’s Behavior Design Lab.

He shares his decades of research in this book and like the effectiveness of tiny habits, he breaks down the concepts into tiny pieces and builds them in sequence throughout the book. 

For the goal of this episode, I’m going to focus on a few key pieces in the book that I found most insightful, and I also use with my own clients. We’ll discuss and dive deeper into each of the elements of behaviour change, followed by how a tiny habit becomes transformative.

[03:12] The Anatomy of Tiny Habits

But first, let’s break down the Anatomy of Tiny Habits (p.12). This is important because most of the time tiny is the only option. Change is rarely immediate and certainly not automatic right away. Making small and significant changes grows into more lasting and impactful change. 

In fact, I was speaking with one of our Healthy Habit Members and we were building out her new habit of practicing pilates on the patio. This client loves to “Go Big Or Go Home” and through the membership program she has really learned how detrimental this can be. With the support of some questions and suggestions from, she was able to create a super simple tiny behaviour that would help her do the absolute bare minimum of the habit and she felt affirmed that even if she just did this bare minimum it would still count.

This is crucial to the bigger transformation, because if we can’t even get the ball rolling then we won’t be able to build momentum or a foundation to GROW!

Let’s understand the Anatomy of Tiny Habits according to BJ Fogg. 

The first part is the  1. ANCHOR MOMENT. This is an existing routine or an event that already happens. For my client every morning when her alarm goes off, she puts on her comfy bathrobe and will have a slow and relaxing morning routine. The Anchor Moment reminds you to do the new Tiny Behaviour.

The second part of the habit is 2. NEW TINY BEHAVIOUR. This is a simple version of the new habit you want. You do the Tiny Behaviour immediately after the Anchor Moment. For my client this meant put on pilates clothes after her morning alarm goes off. AFTER that the robe can go on.

And finally the third part of the Tiny Habit anatomy is 3. INSTANT CELEBRATION. This is something you do to create positive emotions, such as saying “I did a good job!” You celebrate immediately after doing the new Tiny Behaviour.

You can remember the Anatomy of Tiny Habits with the letters A, B, C.

A = Anchor

B = Behaviour

C = Celebration

This book has a huge emphasis on the power of TINY. The smaller the behaviouor, the better. One of the reasons for this is because you are more likely to do a simple action. If the actions are too extravagant, complicated, or they take too long, then there’s less of a chance you’ll repeat it. This is something that comes up often in my work. 

People are reaching out to me in frustration or anger as to why their new two-hour morning routine didn’t stick. Or why they can’t stay consistent with their daily workouts. While there are always many layers to unpack and each client is unique, one of the most common reasons is because the new behaviour isn’t tiny enough. 

[06:57] Elements of Behaviour

Let’s understand this better through the Elements of Behaviour. In his book Fogg says “You can change your life by changing your behaivors. You know that. But what you may not know is that only three variables drive those behaviors.” (p.19) This is demonstrated through the Fogg Behavior Model.

B = M A P 

B behaviour

= happens when

M motivation &

A ability & 

P prompt

Coverage at the same moment

According to Fogg, this model works for any and all behaivours. Take a moment to consider a current or new behaviour of your own. Before we break down each part of this model, think of your motivation for this new or current behaviour. Your ability to complete the action, and what prompt or anchor you have that gets you in motion. 

When I do this activity with myself or my clients, there tends to be a moment where the lightbulb goes off. And sure enough, the reason for that is because we’ve already implemented the behaviour model in one way or another.

I really like Fogg’s visual representation of B=MAP, which shows how motivation and ability work in relationship to each other (p.23). If you’re listening to this episode, check out the show notes wherever you’re listening and head over to the video version of this episode on YouTube to see this model in action.

And if you like visuals, there are LOTS of them in the TINY HABITS book. (affiliate).

[08:33] Motivation

The first thing that we need to have to complete our behaviour is M for Motivation. Motivation is complex and often unreliable. It fluctuates, sometimes on the same day!

So why would motivation be so important if it isn’t that effective? Great question. Because motivation is our WHY and our WHY Is the most important thing. When we understand the aspiration and the outcome we want to achieve we can find the best behaviour that will help us reach that outcome. 

In my own coaching and teaching, I ask my clients and students how they want to FEEL. This feeling word is our motivation/aspiration/outcome. When we understand how we want to feel, we can begin to brainstorm behaivours and actions that help us feel this way. There is always more than one, and usually MANY different behaviours we can do to get to this outcome. 

[09:38] How to Choose Your Golden Behaviour(s)

Part of how BJ Fogg helps you choose your new behaviour is by first, brainstorming all the ways you can connect to the desired outcome, and then by organizing the options into one of four quadrants. (p.64)

This is another visual that shares two arrows crossing each other in + formation. The upward arrow says “High-Impact Behaviours” and the downward arrow reads “Low-Impact Behaviours.” Then the arrow pointing to the right says “Yes I can get myself to do this behaviour” or the left, “No I cannot get myself to do this behaviour.”

Using the list of habits and behaviours you brainstormed, place the behaviours in their quadrants. Whichever behaviours end up in the top right quadrant are both High-Impact and actions you can get yourself to do. Fogg calls these your “Golden Behaviours”

While I do not practice this exact exercise with my clients, we do go through questions that weed out the low-impact and low motivation behaviours, and we identify the “golden behaviours” for them. In my experience, there are typically only 1 or 2 golden behaviours that really stand out to the client I’m working with, so that is where our focus lies. 

[10:58] Ability

The next piece of the Fogg Method is ABILITY. This is such a key ingredient in creating a new habit. And funnily enough this is where most people usually get bored or where habits seem un-sexy, but it’s one of my favourite parts of habit-formation. 

The key to a person’s ability to be SUCCESSFUL with their new behaviour is SIMPLICITY. Here’s how I’m going to lay it out, and maybe you’ve heard this before.

[11:24] The Habit Tree

I want you to think of the biggest tree you’ve ever seen in real life. Imagine yourself with that tree again, standing beside it, maybe touching it, maybe taking a rest under it. Maybe you looked at it and said, “That’s a big forking tree right there.”

This is what everyone wants in their life. They want the huge tree! They want the benefits of the shade from the tree, and maybe the fruit or the flowers the tree makes. They want to climb the tree to see new heights. 

The tree did not appear as this miraculous huge tree overnight. This big mother-forking tree was once a tiny seed. Yes. It was once a “boring” seed, that perhaps someone planted in the ground and every day, little by little this seed began to grow. And more and more days, weeks, months, years, perhaps DECADES went by before this tree became the tree that you know and love today.

The reason why so many people fail with habit-formation, they don’t reach goals, they don’t achieve outcomes, they don’t FEEL their feeling word is because they have overlooked the SEED! 

They couldn’t see the potential and the possibilities. They couldn’t look beyond what was there to what could be! But that’s not even the worst part.

The worst part is that if you aren’t planting your own meaningful or intentional seeds, other seeds; other behaviours will form in your life without you knowing. And instead of the big beautiful tree you aspired to be, there is a garden of weeds aka bad habits and negative feelings, and you’re not even sure how they all got there in the first place. 

This is a life by default, and this breaks my heart. So how do we avoid this? How do we grow our big tree?

We live a life by design, and that starts with our Tiny Habits. Let’s get back to the book for some tips on our Ability to form a new habit. Fogg writes:

“What I’ve found in my research and years of experience is that your answer [to what is making your habit hard to do?] will involve at least one of five factors. I call them the Ability Factors. Here’s how they break down.

• Do you have enough time to do the behaviour?

• Do you have enough money to do the behaviour?

• Are you physically capable of doing the behaviour?

• Does the behaviour require a lot of creative or mental energy?

• Does the behaviour fit into your current routine or does it require you to make adjustments?” (p.79-80)

You ask these questions with your “Golden Behaviour.” If it passes all the questions then you’ve got your new habit, and if not you’ve saved yourself a lot of time by uncovering an obstacle before you physically got to it.

I have these questions as part of my 1:1 coaching. It’s actually part of my Clarity Call where new people can book a 45 minute session with me to create an action plan with some next steps specific to their new behaviour. In that session, we’re using the B = MAP formula in many ways. I also have a question of my own that I add, which is “are there any obstacles that you can foresee when you begin this new habit?”

Sometimes the words “physically capable” or “mental energy” for example, don’t resonate with everyone, but when they take a moment to really think about the behaviour in action, they begin to see some ways that it might not work out. 

Asking these questions, or practicing the actual habit together highlight what could go wrong, and gives us the chance to create solutions or support in advance. It’s a very proactive practice. 

[15:42] Prompts

The final part of the Fogg Behaviour Model is “P for Prompt.” Other names for prompts are, cues, or triggers.

Fogg says “Prompts are the invisible drivers of our lives” (p.97) and it’s very true. Our alarm goes off and we get out of bed, we see a notification and we check our messages, the light turns green, we go.

He writes, “Where a habit is located in your daily routines can make the difference between action and inaction, success and failure.” (p.99)

There are three different kinds of prompts described in the book:

1. Person Prompt

This means having a person prompt themselves to do the action. An example of this type of prompt is basic bodily burgers but it’s NOT ideal or reliable when creating a new habit.

2. Context Prompt

This is something in your context or environment that cues you to take action. This kind of prompt is best suited for one-time behaviours like making a doctor’s appointment or signing up for a new workshop.

3. Action Prompt

This is a behaviour you already do that can remind you to do a new habit you want to cultivate. For example, starting your coffeemaker can be your prompt to do a new stretching habit using the kitchen counter.

According to Fogg this is a very special type of prompt. The action prompt is one way you can hack your behaviour with the tiny habits method. So the action you’re already doing in your day becomes your ANCHOR.

[17:27] Tips for Choosing Your Anchor

When you’re choosing an anchor, you want it to be precise and specific. Here are three things Fogg shares to take into account to find good anchors (p.112)

1. Match the physical location

This is the most important factor – What are you already doing in that location already, and what routine can you add into that same location? 

2. Match the frequency

How often do you want to do your new habit? If you want to do it once a day, do it in a sequence that happens once a day.

3. Match the theme/purpose

While this factor is less vital — the best anchors will have the same theme or purpose as the new habit. Example, watering/nourishing plants > watering/nourishing self

At this point, I’m hoping you understand a little more of the Fogg Behaviour Method, as a reminder the formula is B = M A P. Behaviour happens when Motivation, Ability, and Prompts coverage at the same moment.

[19:53] Emotions Create Habits

The last point I want to share before talking about our tiny habits becoming transformative is how celebration can help you make your new behaviour a habit.

Fogg says “When you celebrate effectively, you tap into the reward circuitry of your brain. By feeling good at the right moment, you cause your brain to recognize and encode the sequence of behaviours you just performed… In other words, you can hack your brain to create a habit by celebrating and reinforcing.” (p.134)

Through his studies Fogg discovers the direct connection between what you feel when you do a behaviour and the likelihood that you will repeat the behaviour in the future. 

Think of what celebration means to you, and how you can celebrate the new behaviour you are creating. 

You can think of celebration as a habit fertilizer. 

[21:13] Tiny to Transformative

Speaking of fertilizer… When it comes to transforming your tiny habits, there are two ways to do this.

The first is Habits that Grow and the second is Habits that Multiply.

LIke plants, habits can grow. These are habits that get bigger, the habit expands. For example, perhaps your habit was to meditate every day and you started with taking three mindful breaths every morning. Overtime, your habit began to grow and you now meditate for 30 minutes every morning.

Also like plants, habits can multiply. This typically happens when the habit you’ve cultivated is one piece of a larger ecosystem of behaviours. When a habit multiplies you can expect a compound or ripple effect into other areas of your life. For example, you have a habit of getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep every night. Getting quality sleep gives you more energy in your day, with that energy you start to workout and move your body daily. Since you’re moving your body more you are thirstier so you drink more water. Drinking more water supports your skin, digestive system and more since you’re hydrated. Etc. etc. 

Similar to the habit tree analogy I shared earlier in this episode, it doesn’t matter that your tiny habit is so small to start with. Tiny is simple, tiny is doable, tiny has potential!

The important piece is that “Success leads to success… The size of that success doesn’t seem to matter much. When you feel successful at something, even if it’s tiny, your confidence grows quickly, and your motivation increases to do that habit again and perform related behaviors. It’s called a success momentum.” (p.169)

As your healthy habit mentor, I help you go from TINY to TRANSFORMATIVE. If you’re new around here and you’re looking for the very basics of building a new habit, check out other episodes of this podcast, AND get access to the Transform Your Habits self-paced course that supports you in building your new habits.

If you’ve been here a while, you might be interested in booking a Clarity Call with me, to understand your next best steps and start taking action on your goals.

Or maybe you’re looking for community, accountability, and support with building momentum with your habits. Amazing, we have a virtual community of women in our Healthy Habit Membership. I host monthly workshops for this group and there is also weekly voxer support available 

And if you’re truly ready to up-level your life. If you want to dive deeper, remove the overwhelming blocks that keep you stuck and live a life by your design, then I would love to support you in creating this future of yours in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.

To get access to any and all of these offers, check out the show notes page of where you’re listening, or expand the description of this video for all the direct links. 

Questions? Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife or comment below this video!!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E234: The Fear of Success: How it Can Hold You Back and How to Overcome it with Olivia Gudaniec

Olivia is an actress and content creator based out of Toronto. Acting has always been a part of her life but content creation began in 2016 when Olivia started her YouTube channel (oliviag.tv). To merge the two worlds, she started her YT channel by interviewing film industry professionals. That was her way of continuing to network within the Toronto film & TV industry while highlighting the wonderful behind the scenes talent.

Since then, she's appeared on show's such as the Umbrella Academy and Sex/Life on Netflix. In the last few years, she's opened up her own media company called Olivia G Media which specializes in UGC content creation. 

If you want to touch base with Olivia, you can find her on all platforms @OLIVIAGUDANIEC or find more info on her website at oliviagmedia.com

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Meet Olivia

[00:54] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I am joined by our very special guest. Olivia, thank you so much for being here on the podcast today.

Olivia Gudaniec: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I am joined by our very special guest. Olivia, thank you so much for being here on the podcast today. Thanks for having me. This is my first official podcast interview slash chat, so let's see what happens.

VL: That's so exciting. I'm, I'm so glad that I get to kind of move you into this podcast world and it actually surprises me that this is your first episode because you have your own.

Show where you had your own interview show on YouTube where you were interviewing a bunch of different people.  To me it's surprising that you're not on a podcast yet, but I know that you are very much in the video, film and performance type of world.  I guess those are two very different things.

OG: Yeah. And I'm also very selective where I put my energy. So I did feel that you are worth it. So that's why I'm here.

VL: Oh my goodness. Well I feel even more special. So thank you so much for that.  I would really love to dive into where you are now and how you got here, because I find your story very interesting and I know that the audience will love it.

So why don't you take it away?

Discovering a Hidden (Yet Common) Fear

[02:04] OG: Okay, so I've been doing a ton of spiritual work lately, a ton of self-help. I think we're both in the same vibe where we always wanna level up. And not too long ago, I had an epiphany where I was basing my job, my identity off my job. So whenever I was introducing myself, hi, I'm Olivia Gudaniec, I'm an actress.

 It was so closely tied, like it's just, There's nothing else that was coming out, and don't get me wrong, like I'm in an industry where I love it. So it was so easy to fall into the work, work, work. I was working during my lunches. I was working during my off days, and it was just like this cycle of constantly, I need to do more.

I need to show up. And then I was still feeling undervalued and underappreciated. So I think that ties into like a worthiness issue, which I still have to, you know, further deep dive into. But it's with TikTok that everything kind of started coming to the surface. So I wanted to get to the next level. My TikTok has been kind of blowing up.

I've took a bit of a pause right now because I just need to like reset and I realized that people are caring about what. Tips I have because that's the value, but I don't think that they're necessarily here for me. So if I switch topics, is anyone still gonna be there? So that I think, again, goes back into the worthiness.

 I have so many like lightbulb moments along the way, so our, I feel like the everything around me is reflecting how I feel inside. So what we believe is kind of like what we're expecting. That's what's showing up. So I was thinking that if I show up as my full self, is that enough to keep people's attention?

And I guess I didn't think that that's why I needed to teach. I needed to pull in that masculine energy and it kind of became a cycle of produce, shoot, batch. And I was on this like schedule, so right now I'm really trying to like balance it out with my feminine energy because that is not a good place to be in.

It did serve me well for the time being, but it's time to get into that next phase. Yeah, and I think that hard energy was making it, the masculine hard energy was making it hard for people to connect with me. This is all like, nobody's actually told me this. This is what I'm like thinking because I overanalyze everything.

And with all this craziness with work, it got to a point where I wasn't taking vacations because I was like, what if I go and I miss an opportunity? Because with acting, especially like you have to be here. Like somebody can call you tomorrow. Hey, our actor didn't show up. We need you. And I was just so scared of.

Yeah, missing that opportunity. Obviously my mindset has shifted now I've done the inner work, but if anyone is feeling like this, just know that when things fall through for you or like I've gone blank on auditions, it's because you are not ready for that next stage.  What I'm trying to say is when opportunities fall through, I believe it's because we are scared on some level of the next level. And a new concept that has kind of come into my world slash sphere is the fear of success. And everyone's probably either heard of it and like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're like, who's scared of achieving their dreams?

But it comes down to thinking about, I guess all the negative that could happen if you achieve it, so will you have to move away from home. That has been like one of my major things, like do I wanna leave my like close-knit community? Did you just move in with your partner or ready to start a family? And this would totally like just shake things up and you'll have to delay that or maybe not have that opportunity.

So the fear of success. If opportunities are not coming through, I want you to just look into that a bit because it's all there subconsciously, and I feel like once you work it out, you won't self sabotage. So that's kind of what I'm trying to say in that little atmosphere because it's really helped me.

Yeah, just tackle a few things and I will later share some actual steps. So I've done a lot of E F T tapping, and if you don't know what that is, it's emotional freedom technique where you tap on different points of the body. I have a YouTube video with my practitioner where we kind of explain it and just, it just helps calm the nervous system.

And I feel like by sharing my backstory and all these issues around my job, I was constantly in a fight or flight mode, and I didn't even realize it. I was just like, okay, more, more. And it's exhausting. And if I did get those big auditions that fell through. All I wanted at that point was a break. And this job will not give me one.

Navigating Energetic Balance in a Go-Go-Go World

[07:33] VL: Thank you so much for sharing all this, because I know that going through. This personal development and growth with this journey. There are a lot of pains throughout it and. I know this from personal experience and I also know this from working with different women who have gone through these light bulb moments, as you say, are these epiphanies where we are so caught up in what we do, that we sort of lose sight of who we are.

And when you're in this, like you talked about the masculine and feminine energy when we're in masculine all the time, The pendulum is gonna swing the other way at some point or another. And what's the thing that's gonna break that? What's the thing that's gonna interrupt your go, go, go energy?  It sounds like with you it was realizing that.

 The community that you had built or the audience that you had built, would they still recognize you, support you, acknowledge you know you if you didn't talk about all the things that you were doing? And as someone who is part of your community and your audience as someone who has seen you grow.

And I remember you started your TikTok journey where you were gonna post a video a day. I loved that. I felt very inspired by your work, but I was also a little bit intimidated because I'm thinking, how does she do all of the things? And of course it's easy for someone on the outside to look in and say, oh wow, she has accomplished all of these amazing things.

And she go, go, goes and  takes all this action. And I've heard it from other people to who said it to me before too, and.  Your heart breaks a little bit when you say, oh my gosh. Well, sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes it feels isolating, sometimes it feels like no one's listening. You know, you get it, you've been through it.

 To be able to share this backstory, I feel like is relatable for myself and I feel for the listener as well.  Again, thank you so much for that. And a couple of the things that you brought up, you know, the masculine energy, the going, the. Getting held back because you're not ready for that new level.

There are so many different things that are happening and being able to navigate through. That's quite incredible. And I think what's really beautiful about what you do and who you are as a person is that you love to try different things. Even when you know you're go, go, go, you don't stop and say, oh my goodness, I need to stop everything right now and halt.

It's like, how do I take better care of myself as I up level? How do I do the inner work? And you jump into things like spirituality and personal development and you, you recognize where your energy is best spent. And that is incredible because those boundaries, I feel a lot of women lack the boundaries.

 I would love to know a little bit more about how you go about which auditions you say yes to.  What's  going through your mind when you're signing a brand partnership, when you're invited to a podcast or an interview  how? Is it that you choose?  Is there a question you ask yourself?

Is there a feeling you tap into? What does, what does that boundary creating and maintaining process look like for you?

Olivia’s Process for Creating Boundaries and Honouring Excitement

[10:51] OG: Well, right now I'm trying to take responsibility for my wellbeing, first of all. So when I'm selecting things, my immediate answer is, it's either gotta be a heck yes or a heck no.  If my immediate is yes, And then after I find like, oh, maybe I'm not ready. Kind of like when we tried to do this a year ago.

I'm like, what am I gonna talk about? I really wanted to do it, but you know, life always comes in in the way, but this year I figured we set the date, I wanna do it. So I pushed away all of the, maybe there's gonna be another better time. So that's what kind of drew me here. And we've been connecting throughout the year too.

 I just feel like it's the right time and our energies match with auditions and brand deals. I think the last year was the first time I actually said no to some. I got offered a six month project doing a role, which would be huge for me, but it's, I didn't, I didn't wanna do it like, not because I would have to move away or anything.

I didn't. Something about it. I can't remember all the details now cause I blocked it out. Moving on to bigger and better. Right. But I, the character wasn't it, and to have to then, I don't know, it didn't feel right in the end. So without giving a 20 examples, I just said no. And I moved on. And now bigger deals are coming in more on the brand side and.

I, it is. What's funny is I've, now that I've stepped away from acting, everyone always says, let go. I didn't know how, because you have to show up in order to be considered. So now I've just like stopped pushing, like I'm not cold calling as much, and now actually things are coming to me. So it's really weird when that happens and everything's kind of falling into place.

But now my brand deals want the acting stuff related in there. And I don't really wanna talk about it right now. So it's kind of, it's very, very interesting to be in that process. So I wanted to talk about the art of letting go a little bit because if you're trying to let go of a job or relationship, a limiting belief, like even just to separate yourself a little bit, you have to find something, or at least I believe, to hold onto in the meantime.

Especially like people, whenever somebody breaks up with somebody, it's like, you gotta keep busy. You gotta keep your mind busy. Yes. But you have, I think you should do it on something you can control. So whether it's keeping busy by, for me would be creating content. Like I can control how much I produce, put out, whether it's sitting down to write a book.

Because if you're relying on somebody then to call you back for something that's. It's gonna cost some friction. So you just wanna trust the bigger picture of your life and that it's all gonna come full circle. And if things don't come to you or come to you, it's, it is meant for you. And I do believe that, and it may not make sense now, but it will later down the road.

And through all of this stuff, I discovered my love of fashion. So it's always been something I'm interested in, but I never really pursued it. And now that I could just relax on the acting front, I started to take some fashion courses and it's also helped me show up in a new way in my job because as an actor, like I don't really have a say in what I'm wearing.

I could be like pink or blue, I like this, but then they'll put me in whatever they want in the end. And now that I have the knowledge of what looks good on me, my undertones, I show up differently. To my auditions cuz I'm more conscious of color theory. It's just so fascinating. An industry that I thought would have nothing to do with acting is kind of like merging together.

So that's why I encourage anybody that kind of feels like icky energy about where they are in their job. Like what did you wanna do as a kid, maybe. Like, I'm not gonna be the next fashion designer. I mean, who knows? I'm just following the breadcrumbs. I am even taking an interior design course. Cause everyone's like, oh, your house is like pretty aesthetic.

I'm like, oh, I'm just picking and choosing. And so maybe if I fill in the knowledge gaps, like I always saw this as like scattered energy, but maybe there's just like one little lesson from that that I can take and I can move on. So that's how I'm taking it right now. I don't know if this is resonating with anybody, but if, yeah, just think about ads that come up for you.

Anything that's catching your eye and how you can kind of inject yourself in that world just a little bit. And if it turns into more, like right now I'm doing fashion courses like where they're lasting months, so like I'm really going full force into this. Yeah. And just. It's, it's an exciting part and I think I, I lost that excitement for my industry.

I think that's where I wanna tie this in a big loop. Like, you know, when you start something new, it's that beginner energy. And it's okay to, I'm not starting over, I'm still here. I just finding out what Olivia likes to do. Not Olivia, the actor, like Olivia, the person, the human being.

Actions to Take for Overcoming the Fear of Success Mindset

[15:38] VL: Yeah. I love that so much because when, especially I find in the acting community, you are stepping into all these different identities and so you don't become Olivia, you become the character, and maybe if.

You don't keep revisiting or reconnecting to Olivia the person, you know, it's easy to get lost along the way and to always be maybe like playing a part or showing up as what someone else, what the production company wants, what the director wants, what the script says, and not showing up as your own self.

So I can definitely see how that would be a challenging balance to create. I wanna touch. A little bit backwards on what you said about this fear of success and how you're working through that mindset. I love the actions that you're taking now in terms of finding out what excites you again and following the little breadcrumbs to the fashion industry and to the world of interior design.

I love these as. I think you said distract, like they kind of distract you or they're part of like what you can control, but really it's just try something different. Just start to get to know yourself. What do you love? What do you not love? And following those bits. But when it comes to the inner work, so that's what you're doing now with the, the fashion courses.

It's more of like that external work with the inner work and trying to figure out. Moving through those fears, that fear of success, the fear of moving away, some of the negative things that would come up. How are you, how are you doing this? What does that practice look like for you in that growth look like for you?

OG: For starters, I obviously made a list because I'm Type A and I went into my brain and I'm like, okay, let's work this out. And what I was scared mostly was how other people. Mainly like my relationship and my family, how they would react. And we obviously don't know, so you have to ask those people. So I asked my boyfriend, like, if I got a job in LA for two months, would you move with me?

And obviously if he said no, that would shake me to my core and I would have to do some other work. But he's like, maybe I wouldn't go for the two months, but I could come up every other weekend. And that was enough to calm me down. And same thing with my family, like whatever the worries are for you, you have to deal with answers they give you.

VL: You recognize that what, what you can control and what you cannot. And so if you're thinking, if I have to move away for two months, My whole life is gonna fall apart.

Well, that's a great idea. Ask the people in your life, Hey, would you move with me? What would you feel about this? Because then you actually know what their response might be or what maybe their thoughts are. So I think that's a really great idea, is actually just touching base with those people. And I think.

Or what I'm hearing for from a lot of what you're saying is a theme of you're checking in with yourself. When it comes to your boundaries. You're checking in with how it felt. The the list was not right for you, for that character, so you didn't do it. Same thing with the brand deals. As soon as you start stepping back and getting to know you more, invitations were coming your way.

And then again, you have this better connection with yourself, and so you're able to say yes or no. To those invitations, to those new opportunities. And that's a really incredible thing. And what's cool about what you're saying, cause I've seen this a lot, is that the hardest part is that letting go that grip.

On, on what you want or what you wanna control or what you're afraid of. And then as soon as you start loosening that grip, that's when like this space appears and this, there's this magic within that space. And so, yeah, that's a very practical thing to do is just connect with the people in your life about it.

That's awesome. And then in terms of you finding these other tools, we talked about the courses that you're taking, a little bit about the tapping that you're doing. Is there anything else that you've been doing? It sounds like a lot of self-care and taking care of you. What are some of the other things that you've been incorporating to help you connect more to you and get excited about life again?

Olivia’s List of Tools for Getting Excited About Life Again

OG: Yeah. Okay. So I've made a list so I don't forget anything. Obviously E F T, tapping, that has been a big shift in my life.

I guess overall epiphany from everything is energy, because at some point I was even comparing myself, like I can post the same content as, let's call her Olivia Jr. Here, and Olivia Junior can be taking off, and I'm here like, So I was like, what is the difference between these two people? And I think it, this Olivia, Jr.

Let's say, has a lightness about her, which allows her to connect with more people, which in turn turns into external validation. So there's like a, it's an energy that's why all the actionable steps that I'm taking now is in order for me to change my energy because. What I was doing was working to some extent, but I, I need a different vibe.

I need different opportunities now. Like I'm a new evolved person, right? So we talked about EF f t tapping. The next thing would be going to the gym. This was a healthy habit that I was trying to start for a long time. I had a call with you, Val about trying to incorporate it, and I told you that I think it was because my mom.

Wanted to get into it. So that was my like accountability buddy. And I also thought that people liked going to the gym and because I didn't like it, maybe the gym wasn't for me. I know this gym thing is like a whole process in my head and everyone's like, oh, but it's how it makes you feel after. But I don't think it resonated what that meant.

I'm like, yeah, you'll feel better. But what got me into the gym? It's obviously movement cuz my body needs it and I'm sitting at my computer a lot or doing lines or memorizing. But the main reason why I started going is to attract and change my energy. So what gets me off my butt, even after like a 16 hour day, even for five minutes, which Olivia would never do in 2022, is like if I work out, I can change the energy for tomorrow.

Maybe some. It's, it's, it's another way to attract opportunities without pushing for it. Like without creating more content, without physically, like I'm showing, I'm showing up, but for myself instead of for somebody else. Ooh, that was a good one. That was a good one. And the quote that always comes to my brain, I think it's Thomas Jefferson.

I could be wrong. If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done. Not that I never went to the gym before or moved my body, but I really didn't wanna go. Like, there are more productive ways to use my time. And that was my thinking for a while. Like, I can, I can walk and that's enough, but it, it's, it's different and it has been showing up in positive ways in my life.

So I'm gonna keep doing that between that and EFT next. I've mentioned this to you before, but it's just changing my routine. People like us as humans, we do not like change me for starters. So what can I do in my life on the daily that will help me just like relax when change comes? So sometimes I brush my teeth with my left hand instead of my right.

Like these are such little things, but I do them enough that it switches again. We're just switching up the energy. Seeing what's coming. We're just playing, we're building new neurons in our brain. Like I'm just trying to be somebody new, the better version of myself. What else have I done? Sometimes I wear mismatched socks because that would drive me crazy, know?

So I'm just, I'm just experimenting. On my terms. And last but not least, I haven't tried hypnosis, but it's come up enough times that I want to try it. And I left a resource with you, Val, so you can look into it. I was gonna actually do a session yesterday, but the day kind of got away from me. So if that is something that is calling to you, I would just suggest you guys YouTube it, google it, TikTok it, whatever you do.

Because I'm open to it. Maybe that'll, maybe that's what's required next at this stage. I don't know, but I wanted to bring it up in case it's in your little bubble for you to take that next leap. Have you ever tried hypnosis Val?

Decoding the Messages and Clues from the Universe

[23:40] VL: I have not, but as you're saying it, it's reminding me of how. There are so many different clues in our life or in our conversations, in our every day of the things we maybe should do.

Like I've heard about acupuncture for I, I mean, I know about acupuncture, but I've had several conversations just this week about acupuncture, and I'm thinking, do I need to try that? Is this why this keeps coming up in my life? Just like you said, look at what you're drawn to or the ads that you're getting or what you wanted to do as a kid.

Like those are the things that. Those are little messages or little clues. I know you like the 1111. You always post about that. Oh, that was gonna be another one. Oh, okay. Yeah, these are great. Keep going.

OG: Okay. So you didn't actually write down angel numbers, but I'm a huge advocate for them. And it kind of just makes me feel like I'm on the right track. So 11, 11, I make a wish. If you see one 11 sign of changes, you see 4 44 something else, 8 88. I just Google it in when I see like numbers that consistently pop up and I take it asides from the universe that I'm on the right track or I need to slow down or is just essentially affirmations.

And also, I didn't write this down, but I think. This year in itself, I've been manifesting in a different way. Like every night before bed I, okay, maybe eight days outta 10, I do this. Sometimes I forget. I write down what I wish my life was and I write it in the past tense. So I am so glad that today I got offered a $10,000 brand partnership.

I had to hire two people to help me. I'm fine. Everything's under control. The client loves it, and I kind of just bring it into my, into my universe. So if that's something you haven't tried and are willing to try it, even for like seven or 30 days with TH's Healthy Habits Challenge, I encourage you to do that because once again, we wanna attract that energy something new.

And I feel like when you start thinking about it, you kind of start maybe expecting it. Like I started. Obviously we all wanna grow our businesses. I'm like, I, I wanna hire some people. Who would I hire if I had the team right now? And so I start pulling up all of these contacts and then I did get a brand partnerships and I needed to contact them.

So I don't know if that would've happened before or if it would have, I probably would have gone into that panic mode because I wouldn't have been ready, and maybe I would've self-sabotaged, but I was ready for it. So just throwing that out there. So overall, I wanna just end with that. This is energy. I wanna leave you guys with the little exercise that I heard on another podcast, which obviously I can't remember right now.

So go through TikTok or whatever social media platform you have, cover up the likes and scroll. See after you watch a video, see if you think that's a viral video, just by the person's energy. So I tried this out the other day. I think I got like, let's say 50%, like half of them like, oh yeah, she must be doing well.

And she had like 10,000 likes. Whereas the other girl had, I mean, this is all vanity metrics, but it's interesting to see why some people blow up and others don't, and that was just like a, That was a fun little exercise and lean into your feminine energy. Like good things can still come. It's okay to change direction because it could still play into where you are now in a better way.

And what else can I leave you guys with?

Just, yeah, your subconscious is here to keep you safe, not happy.

VL: Interesting.

OG: Does that make sense?

VL: Yeah, it does.

OG: You’ll prioritize your safety over your happiness

VL: and safety. A lot of the times in the sense is staying exactly where you are, because this is what it knows and you are quote unquote comfortable here, even if you aren't. Yeah.

Mind-Blowing Manifesting Results

[27:44] OG: and safety. A lot of the times in the sense is staying exactly where you are, because this is what it knows and you are quote unquote comfortable here, even if you aren't.

Yeah. Yeah.  

It's the end of the month. And just from incorporating all these new self care tactics, First of all, the goal is to just reduce your stress and anxiety and tune into you. That's why I'm doing this stuff. And the second thing is that just by playing around with this energy, and keep in mind for two weeks of January, I was also on vacation.

So I, I was in this like appreciation state. I've already hit the highest financial. Goal that I could, that I've ever had in January, and none of it came from acting. So that is like, I can't even speak like how crazy that I held onto this dream, which I'm not giving up on, but I just relaxed a bit and money's still coming, just not from that.

So I guess that's just your reminder that just to be open, open, change the energy. That's the whole message of this podcast.

VL: That is so exciting. Congratulations. Amazing. Amazing. So before we get into our rapid fire round, where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we support you through this journey that you're on?

YouTube: https://oliviag.tv 

Website www.oliviagmedia.com 

Tiktok https://tiktok.com/@oliviagudaniec 

Instagram https://instagram.com/oliviagudaniec

Rapid Fire Round

[29:26] VL: Okay My dear, we are in the rapid fire round, four questions. Are you ready?

OG: mm… Okay.

VL: What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

OG: Not currently reading anything. Not gonna lie. I do a lot of audio books.

The last thing I listened to, I just pulled it up, was the Big Leap. But otherwise, it's a book that Val recommended and I can't remember the title.

VL: Yes, I remember that one. It's called What to Say When You Talk to Yourself and the Big Leap is also amazing. A few people are listening and, and reading that.

I love the audio book version of The Big Leap too. It's so good. Question number two is what does empowerment mean to you?

OG: Trying things when. You may not be certain of how it will go.

VL: Question number three, what is your longest standing habit?

OG: Flossing. Never miss a day.

VL: Love it. And the last question is, what are you currently working toward?

OG: I guess the gym is a new aspect, so as keeping that consistent and not getting comfortable with all the new changes and leaving that behind.

VL: Love these answers. Olivia, thank you so much for sharing so openly about the very up and down journey that you're on and the experiences that you're having. Like I said, it's really relatable. It's really interesting to hear from you in this way because as someone who follows you and have, have known you for before this, I guess beginning of the transformation.

It's interesting to see how you're evolving and I'm very excited for these next few these next few months for you. It seems like things are moving a little bit quicker, but in a new way, and it's all very exciting. I'm so happy to hear that you're embracing it and I just love being a part of it.

So thank you again so much for being on the show.

OG: Thanks for having me, Val. And yeah, let's stay positive. Let's keep the energy flowing and I hope. Like the message still got through, even though I do. I am a multi-passionate creative, so I'm scattered a lot of the times, but I come with good vibes.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E233: Building a Solid Foundation for Health: Small Steps to Big Changes with Jess Kirby

After years of dealing with her own health struggles and not getting the help she needed or could afford at the time, Jess took it on herself to become what she was looking for. She's now a certified Health Coach and Level 2 Integrative Health Practitioner that works on holistically balancing the body from a root cause perspective. She primarily works with women, virtually and worldwide, supporting them fully with their gut function, energy, weight and hormonal imbalances allowing them to be empowered in their body, alive with a sense of purpose and feeling youthful…

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Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm very excited to welcome our new and special guest. Please join me in welcoming Jess to the show. Thank you so much for being here today.

Jess Kirby: I love being here with you.

VL: You know, I have to say, it's cool when we make connections with Empowered Women online and then even cooler when I get to meet you in real life, which I got to only a few short months ago.

 I have to say, you are just as incredible in person as you are online, so I'm very, very happy to have you as part of the show.

JK: Thank you. I love dour little walk and talk.

VL: Our walk and talk in the pouring rain in a dreary day. But it was perfect. I was so warmed up after that. I'm like, I needed to delayer and like have a shower.

But it was great. And I mean, the conversations that we got, having not just in person, but also over the last, I don't know, I guess I've known you for a year now have been. Really great, and I love all the things that you share online. I mean, you work so closely with all different kinds of women on their health and on their wellness journeys, and I know that part of this is because of your own journey and the things that you've been through.

So maybe we could start with just learning a little bit more about you and how you got into doing what you do.

From Stress to Success, Jess’s Health Journey

[02:00] JK: Okay. I have to, let's go back about 10 years ago. My journey started consciously when I was trying to become pregnant and I thought I would just come off the pill and I would get pregnant, and I didn't even get my psycho back for a year and a half, and I, I'd been on the pill for.

Since I was 14, you know, it was just like the cure for all. I had bad cramps and I had bad skin and I was playing sports and it was getting in the way. And so, so that's what I did. And fast forward to 28 years old, I was still on it. And so yeah, it took a year and a half and just to get my cycle back. And then even then it wasn't consistent and all that stuff.

So I started at I I N. That's the, what does that stand for now? Integrative or Institute for Integrative Nutrition. That's what that stands for based out of New York. And I took that course and started kind of helping myself with that process and then started, it got to the point where it was getting quite stressful and so I.

Got some functional medicine doctors on board and acupuncturists and kind of just started creating my own health team. And with my own knowledge, we kind of pulled that together and I got pregnant. And then after that, all seemed really well, and my second pregnancy came really easy. But in that pregnancy, we decided to move across the world.

And it became then quite stressful.  I ended up having a c-section because I had a breech baby and he wouldn't turn. And I ended up spending a lot of my pregnancy, like upside down on my head, trying to get that turn happening and it didn't happen. So I had a C-section, which was a huge fear of mine. So the stress was just like amplified even more.

And all went well though. And at four months my baby had an injury to a  normal routine vaccinations didn't go well for him and he started breaking out in. Rash started on his head. I thought it was cradle cap, and it just went to all over his body and he was so swollen.

It was the middle of winter. Like we couldn't put jackets on tuques, on like anything. And that, that is what actually sent me into like the next spiral of like looking into his health. And he was a breastfed healthy baby to that point, as far as I knew. So it was trying to heal him. Where then I. Took my next certification with I H P integrative health practitioner, and I did a level two in that so that I could read functional medicine labs and kind of had to become my own doctor because I wasn't getting the support I needed.

My boy was just struggling from dermatologist to doctor to even naturopath. Wasn't doing anything. And we did some like pretty severe stuff to help him. And it was just nothing. And not once was like his gut health me mentioned and all this stuff. And I started questioning like, why is nobody talking about this?

And like, I need, I just needed to know more. So I started this journey and within that, you know, we, we eventually got him better after a year and a half, but then that took me spiraling down because I was. The, the stress levels were really high. We had started a new business. That's why we had moved. Financially we were struggling.

I had two kids on my own. I had no community. Our environment was completely lit different. We left from like a sunny outdoor environment to like a winter, very cold, indoor environment. And I didn't even know how to parent in that. And That compounded everything sent me into a very spiraling depression and burnout, and I literally just could not get out of bed.

I was diagnosed with Hashimotos and hypothyroidism, so that's autoimmune disease. And yeah, it was kind of, that was my rock bottom. I, I was studying, I'd like have the two kids on my own like all day. And then as soon as they went to bed, I was studying till kind of like one in the morning every night.

And then I was up with two kids. They still weren't sleeping through the night, so it was the broken sleep. You know, you can just see how everything's piling up on each other. And then you're left with like a mama that's got nothing left to give. And so the i h P course, Really did help me. And I, when you're experiencing something, it lands like so much deeper, right?

Cuz you need to help yourself. And that's where it took me today and we reversed the Hashimotos. I no longer have problems with my thyroid. My son is doing well. I have energy. I can work out all the time. Like all these things, like, I couldn't even walk up my stairs without being like, You know, be like 8:00 AM and I'm like, I'm done.

I can't, I've got nothing left. And I had two little boys to look after. So all that's good now. And you know, it took time and it took investment in education and stuff, but we're here and now I gotta help everybody else.

VL: Wow, I didn't even know all of the, the full extent of your story and your journey.

And I have to say, I'm so grateful, and I'm sure you can say that to your, I'm so grateful that you invested in your, your health and your education to support not only you, but your family and now Mm. Other women and other people in the world. And I mean, it's tough when you have to go through those depths.

Mm-hmm. And, you know, but you've become this person that you are today, this healer and this holder of space and this evidence for other people to say like, this is possible or this is what's possible. I am very inspired and I'm sure. Those who are listening are feeling the same way. Like, just wow.

Wow. And at in the same breath, I feel like people who do go through, you know, those deeper transformative growing Situations, even though they can feel very challenging in the moment they are the people who make the best healers sometimes. So because you get it, you really get it where people are coming from.

And so when people come to you with their pain and their struggles and, and you know, kind of their, their loss of, of, what's the word? Not purpose, but like, what am I gonna do? I've tried everything. Now what? You know, you're, you're almost at this brink of like, I need to give up. But you didn't, and that's incredible because I, I feel like a lot of people would going through those things.

JK: Yeah. I mean, there were definitely times where I was lost for answers. Right. But something in me kept going, like, I didn't really didn't accept what was being handed to me in life.

VL: And I'm so glad that you did not accept it because look at where you are and look at what you're doing. And I've gotta say,  I, again, just watching everything that you post and all the things that you share and showing your own lifestyle, your own practices, that your, the changes that you've made in your life and seeing how you're able to enjoy every moment of it is pretty, is pretty incredible.

Simple Changes to Start Making Today

[09:38] Now you are a wealth of knowledge and information and experience.  I'd love if we could talk about some of the actionable steps or the actionable ways that we could elevate our health and wellness today. Like how can we start by making simple changes just today?

JK: Okay. I think simple is the key. Like I wanted to give you, you know, we can overcomplicate health we can and Yeah.

And. In actuality, it's quite simple and I think that the problem is we just wanna like do all the things all at once, when really a lot of us just need to do less. We just need to connect more to ourselves and what's around us and you know, people and nature and things that are naturally there. And. Not worry about all the rest in the be, you know, in the beginning and then you build up.

But I think that foundation, like building the foundation is, is really important and simple.

Morning Sunlight

[09:52] So first one I'm gonna say is morning light. Waking up, not looking at your phone first thing and just going out and catching the sun in your eyes. And that actually helps you go to sleep better as well at the end of the day.

And it's just a really nice way to start the day. it's a nice ritual for me. I like to just go out on my balcony, look at the sun,  look at the mountains, and obviously that's a bit harder seasonally for us in Canada when. It's not light until eight o'clock, eight 30. But do it when you can.

Grounding aka “Earthing”

[11:13] Do it as much as you can when you can, and if you   can do it with bare feet on a natural surface, even better.

VL: Yeah, this is the one I really need to work on cuz I, my phone is my alarm and I really try, I turned off my alarm and my goal is to stay. Off my phone for one hour. Mind you, I get up really early in the morning when there isn't much light, the days are getting longer noticeably. Mm-hmm. Which is exciting.

So, I have found that if I busy myself with things such as emptying the dishwasher, making myself a healthy breakfast, you know, just anything that doesn't involve my phone, I feel so much better throughout the entire day than even if I just spend 15 minutes on my phone checking something, scrolling something, whatever it is, it's a game changer for sure. So I love this one.

Walking/10k Steps a Day

[12:07] JK: Yeah, it really is. Second, I wanna talk about walking before you start, you know, doing CrossFit, doing hit, doing all these things. Just   walk, try and get 10,000 steps a day. It's actually a lot of walking.  You know, it, it does build up like nicely through the day if you're intentional about it, but, Walking lowers stress.

It supports your metabolism. If you can do it out in nature, you get that extra hit of, you know, connection to everything life. It's great for weight loss if that is a focus for you. It's great to talk to a friend, listen to a podcast, listen to nothing. It really is like, just time for yourself. So I love walking.

VL: I'm gonna interrupt, again, because this is such a popular part of, I run a 21 day challenge once a, a season. .

And a lot of people choose walking or 10,000 steps a day or something where they're getting outside. And the benefits of the walking and being outside alone are so impactful. And then to do this with. A group of other women who are also working toward it. It's pretty cool to watch how excited people get and how that 10,000 steps.

Definitely gets easier to do, but I will say, cause I've done this myself, is that it takes effort to walk 10,000 steps a day if you're not someone who is always walking. Even for myself, if I'm teaching six hours a day, I still don't get 10,000 steps and I'm on my feet for six whole hours. So there is a little bit of effort.

To put into it, but the benefits are exponential, especially if you can do it outside of it. So I love this one. Yeah. And it also, it's free!

JK: Yeah. And it's free. Yeah. It's totally free. So was the first one morning light, free? Walking, free?

It takes me about an hour and a half to get 10,000 steps, and so I feel like if you can break it up, do like one really early in the morning and then one after night, and if you can do it after meals, it really helps with blood sugar.

That's what I was gonna say. Really helps lower your blood sugar quite quickly after a meal and it like gets your digestion going, gets you back into that parasympathetic mode, which is important for digest, digesting food. So even if you have like a lot of bloating, walking is great after meals.

VL: Yeah. This is so great. I'm so, I'm so excited about all of these. Okay. What's number three?

The Power of Nature

[14:38] JK: Okay, number three was nature. But I feel like you've kind of gotten, like I'm a nature junkie and anything that you can do outside of nature is just soul giving.  Right? So I'm gonna switch that one from nature.  

Water/Hydration

[14:53] I'm gonna switch it to hydration because again, Free, you can get a water filter and I highly suggest that, but it's a pretty low cost.

 In terms of like how you use it, right? You use it every day, all day long. You need about what's the weight ratio? If you are 140 pounds, you need two liters of water, so, Take that up or down depending on your weight. And then if you sweat and if you have caffeine, you need more. And if you try and get that much water in your day, you would be amazed at how much less cravings you have, how much more energy you have, how clear you feel in your brain.

And again, just so simple. It's there for all of us when we're anybody listening to this podcast. We're really lucky just to have that at our disposal. Right.

VL: Totally two things. So I've become a bit of a filtered water snob. Mm-hmm. And I really dislike, I mean, listen, I'm gonna choose water over filtered water if I need water, but I.

Just learning about what the heck is in tap water or bottles of water. Yeah. So anyway, nasty. It's gnarly for sure. So I definitely recommend, if possible, to get some sort of water filtration. Do you have a favorite that you recommend?

JK: I love and use the Berkey. And speaking about water snobs, even my kids are water snobs because they've always used it, and so then they can tell when we go to a restaurant or whatever, somebody else's health and they're like, this isn't filtered.

VL: That’s so funny.

JK: Oh man.

VL: I won't say, I won't say anything, but I can definitely tell because we travel a lot. So y I mean, You lose a lot of luxuries when you're traveling and that's just one of them. But Totally. The other thing I was gonna say is Craig, my partner bought me, it's called Hydrate Spark, and it's a water bottle.

I'll link it in the show notes, but he got one for himself and then he ended up buying one from me for my birthday. And I've, I think I've had this for over two years now. This water bottle, oh, it measures. How much water you drink in a day and it'll tell you on your phone. So you don't have to carry around those gross plastic, giant water bottles.

Let's say you drink a million liters of water today and are full of plastic anyway. But what's cool about this is that, you know, it's obviously like a decent size. If you can see it, it's 620 milliliters or 21 ounces. So I don't have to fill it up that often, but I probably drink just a little over three of these bottles a day.

Sometimes more. And it's really encouraged both Craig and I to drink more water. And before he met me, he said he rarely drank water. He'd probably drink a bottle of water at the gym a day. He goes to the gym every day, then he would drink probably two lattes a day, like venti size lattes. And so I was like, and you need more water from that.

And he drank Coca-Cola with his meals and I. I've gotta tell you, he rarely drinks Coca-Cola anymore. He has one coffee that I know of a day, and he is pretty consistent with drinking the correct amount of water for his body. And both of us talk about all the time how, I don't know what life was like before.

I don't know how we were living, how. Our bodies were functioning how our brains were functioning without drinking the corrective amount of water. Because now when we don't reach that water goal in a day, we notice, oh man, I didn't drink enough water today. Oh man, my energy is down. Oh man, I have this brain fog.

And we know people who don't drink water, and we just think, how are you functioning as a human being? I don't understand.

JK: Yeah.

VL: It’s Crazy

Jk: Yeah. Can I give your listeners a few more tips with water?

VL: Please!

(Almost) Free DIY Electrolyte Recipe

[18:44] JK: Upon waking, when you're looking at that sun, put a little bit of   ]Himalayan Celtic Redmonds salt in your water, and you wanna be able to taste it like enough to just taste it.

Like start with a quarter of a teaspoon. Can't taste it, add another quarter. And then do half a lemon. Stir that up. That's electrolytes, that's natural. Potassium and sodium. We need that to hydrate the cells in our body.  If you're drinking too much water, you're just gonna be constantly peeing, right?

We don't want that cuz that you lose minerals in that. So by adding that, it also helps your adrenals, helps your cellular hydration, and gets you going to the bathroom as well. And then also drink broom temperature or warm water if you can. Cold water. Think of cold. Cold is constricting, right? Warm is relaxing.

That's what it does to the inside of your intestines too. So if you're having a hard time digesting, I know everybody here drinks like we used to live in Australia where room temperature, water is normal, and then coming to Canada. Everyone drinks ice in their water all the time, even in winter. And it's so crazy.

And I know that's a hard habit to kind of change, but just try it and your, your body will thank you. And the other one was to drink your water separate from your meals. So we have stomach acid that breaks down our food. We want that to be really strong prior to a meal, right? That's gonna help us break everything down, not get bloated, and be able to form good poops.

I just talk about poop like it's an, it's a very good indication of our health, so we're just gonna put it out there in the open. I love it. Let's do it. But if you're gonna drink too much water, it breaks down that acid just makes that whole process like a little bit longer and harder. And so drink your water.

Before a meal, give a half an hour space. You can like sip water through a meal. That's totally fine, but don't like be guzzling it. And then in between like an hour after your meal, you know, like at the between 10 and 11, drink a lot of water between like one and four, drink a lot of water and try and be done kind of roughly by dinner for sure.

So that you're not feeling like you need to go to the bathroom through the night.

VL: These are awesome. I am very excited

The Power of Presence

JK: Let's talk about number five. So, sounds cliche, sounds really like simple and,   but it's presence and I find that, you know,  we get so busy and so stressed and so much on our to-do list that we just lose presence and noticing like a touch, a smell, a tear, running down your cheek, an open door. Just being there for a conversation, like really being there without the list running in the back of your head.

I think all this stuff just brings immense gratitude into life, and I think this is why we're here. We're here for this. We're not here to, I know the dishwasher needs unloading and I know like all that has to happen, but like, You know, next time your partner reaches out his hands, like, feel that, or your child like, puts their hand on your face or even just says, mama, or, you know, like, feel it, be there for it.

Like, and it's really easy not to do and it's really easy to do.

VL: Yeah, a lot of these things are really easy to do and really easy not to do. And that is important to remember because as we're listening to you describe all of this wonderful ness and it is simple and we're excited about it today. And then tomorrow comes and the phone is there and it's dark in the morning and we don't wanna be present and all the thing and the water's there, but we don't drink it.

Yeah. It's so easy to do, and I think reminding yourself of that in that moment, I can drink the water right now. It's easy. Just do it.

JK: And it's choosing your hard, right? Like is it harder to drink the water or is it harder to have brain fog and you know, dehydrated all day, dehydrate all day.

Is it harder to have your joints be achy and. Maybe be a little bit heavier than you want to, than it is to go for a walk or you know?

VL: we always feel better after it's done because sometimes I've gotta pep talk myself to get to the gym. Honestly, I think, oh, I don't wanna go to the gym. And then I say to myself, Valerie, you are gonna feel so much better.

Just get your butt there. Even if you do nothing, just go. And I always go and I always do something, and I always, always, always feel better after the workout, right? Mm-hmm. Or the walk, whatever.

JK: Right? Like walking really does that for me. It's a mental health. Game more than anything, you know?

VL: eah, absolutely. We did skip number four though, so I can circle back.

JK: Oh, we skipped number four…

VL: Cause I feel like this is such a good one.

Avoiding/Eliminating Stress (Internal + External)

[24:15] JK: It's the biggest one.  Okay, number four is stress. So let's make it number five now. It, it's stress.  Excuse me. Internal stress and external stress. We usually think of stress as external, right?

Like all the things needing doing and all the things coming at us. But your body can be internally stressed as well. Like I know a lot of people that are like, no, yeah, I'm super chill, but like, they're still feeling stuff, right? So the internal stresses that can be in your body are. As simple as like food intolerances, or it could be parasites, it could be candid overgrowth, mold overgrowth, any, you know, any toxicity at all in your body is a stress.

So looking at internal stresses and external stresses, stresses King, you can be eating all the organic food and drinking all the filtered water you want. But if you can't control the stress, you're, it runs your body. It runs your body. So it's really important to keep coming back to that parasympathetic nervous system.

And that's also why I say coming back to presence as well does help that. And just finding ways that manage your stress. And that's different for everybody. Maybe it's reading, maybe it is a big workout for you. Maybe it's meditation, maybe it's breath work. Maybe it's catching up with a friend like it, maybe it's going to bed early.

I don't like, you just have to figure that out for you and experiment with things. And when I'm working with people, this is a space where a lot of people say they need to explore it more and it does need exploring, right? It's not something I can just tell you to do, cuz some people don't, don't get off on meditation, you know, it just doesn't work for them.

So even though I think it's wonderful, it's. There's a, there's a time and a place, you know?

VL: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that you said it's different for everyone because we are all so different. Right. And being able to customize. That for you and recognize that through the practice of presence is super helpful.

For myself, I need seven to nine hours of sleep a night. Oh, I am not a nice person the next day. And it just domino effects from there. It's not a good look. And you know what? I have some pretty great sleep hygiene and I also have some pretty great. Sleep boundaries and my phone is on airplane mode as much as my phone is my alarm, it is on airplane mode.

It goes off an hour before bed it for sleep. For me, I sleep with an eye mask and earplugs, and you can call me crazy if you want to, but it's so important for me and for how I function and how I can show up and be present with people and in these types of conversations as well. And you know, People do make fun of me sometimes for going to bed so early, or like I said, the sleep mask and the earplugs, but they don't know this version of me that doesn't get sleep.

And I'm sure if they did, they would be handing me the eye mask and the earplugs

JK: What time do you go to bed?

VL: Anywhere in between. Lately it's been between nine and 10 30. We were away in Europe, so I am getting over the jet lag, but. I try to be in bed and asleep by 10, but that's, people think that's early, so that's, I think that's a reasonable time!

Quality Sleep

[27:47] [JK: Do you know that like none of us are like, meant to be night owls or, you know, the, the optimal bedtime for your cortisol level, like your cortisol dips by 10 o'clock  and you wanna hit that sleep zone and then your cortisol naturally rises around 6:00 AM. So that's your eight hour. That's a perfect eight hour window for everybody.

There's no such thing as night owls. That's a dysfunctional sleep pattern. 10 to six is ideal love. If you need a bit longer, go longer in the morning or go to bed a little bit earlier, but you're doing the right thing. Thank you.

VL: One of my, one of my Pilate's clients, she said something years and years and years ago, she said, always go to bed the same day that you wake up.

And that has forever changed my life because I was a little bit of a party animal and. That really helped me start sleeping earlier, going to bed earlier, because we would be out for all hours of the night. And honestly, nothing good happens in any of those times. And like you said, optimal sleep. Just go to bed earlier.

Your body and your life will thank you.

JK: Especially when you hit your thirties, I mean your twenties. You could kind of get away with it and do whatever, but come 30, it feels a little different, just a little.

I should have had sleep in these, in these tips because you can't heal without sleep. You can't heal without sleep. You can't function without sleep. It is uber important.

VL: That can be a bonus for sure.

Invest in a Health Coach

[29:19] JK: okay, number six. Number six was a  health coach.  And by that I just mean.

Somebody that knows more than you, that you connect with, that you know will help you balance out your body. And the importance of that is because

we need better energy in the world and we need people knowing how good that they can feel because things just become normal and that's your normal way of feeling, but it's not. It's not normal. We need you to feel optimal and heightened. We need you to bring that energy with you and like shower it all over the people around you in the world, cuz it only does good, right?

And so my coach says like every home needs a health coach. And if there was like that's his, you know, that's his goal is to have a health coach in every home. So that we can lift the energy of the world and just do good and be educated for our own bodies. Right?

VL: A hundred percent. And I, I wanna circle back to something you said near the beginning when you were describing your story, how you built your health team.

You had to find the people that you wanted to work with. And this is part of the journey is finding someone. Whoever that is for you, who can help you, who can support you, who can cheer you on through those. Times of exploration when you are trying to figure out what works for you. Because I, like I said, just even following you, I've learned so many things and I'm screenshoting your recipes and I'm, you know, asking questions and it's, and I, and I practice this and I do health coaching and I'm still learning, and I'm still growing and I'm.

Still, you know, having people like you on the podcast to share. Because even if this episode or this podcast just helps one person create one of these wonderful tips that you've shared with us today, like that, that is going to create a ripple effect into all other areas of their life and hopefully impossibly in their community as well.

So all of this is so wonderful.

JK: I love the ripple effect and honestly, every client I have says like, Now their partner does this, or their sister or their mom or whatever. There's always a ripple. So anybody that you can help get any bit better. There's always a ripple. I feel like we need that.

VL: Absolutely.

Emotions

[31:45] Jk: Number seven. I have emotions now.  I feel, actually even this morning I just witnessed a man who I know. Tell us a very, he is going through a very deep thing and has a friend that's going through something very deep and he cried at the thought of it and it brought back everything that he had been through.

And then he was like, sorry, sorry, the, this medica, this is an older man. And so he said, the medication I'm on, it makes me more emotional than I normally am. And I said, I think that's great. Because all this stuff that you normally just push down and push down, you get to feel it now, and then you get a, you get it out of your body.

And what's wrong with feeling it? What's wrong? You're telling me something very big. It makes me feel emotional. Why shouldn't you be, you know, I think there's just like with emotions that there's nothing wrong with them, right? We're meant to feel them. We're meant to let them come through our body.

There's nothing wrong. And even especially with women with anger, there's a big space in there that's like, women can't be angry. We don't, you know, we're not supposed to show anger. What do we do with that? I think it's so important to figure out what can you do with it so that you're not holding onto it.

Same with crying, same with even just being excited. You know, we just like push these things down and down. Well, they live in our body, right? And they. They are a part of what makes us unwell. So releasing emotion, make that be normal, make that be healthy.

VL: Yes, so much. Yes. I am feeling a little bit under the weather today and I know emotions I. Are playing a big part of that. And so going back to all like a bunch of all the things that we're talking about today, I have rejigged my schedule a bit so that I can prioritize sleep better. It's a beautiful sunny day.

It is freezing cold here right now. But I do plan on going for a walk after this and implementing these things. Like we said, it's so easy and it. Because I'm not feeling so amazing today. It would be very easy for me not to do. I know that even just a short walk for me will make me feel better. But also I have been taking some time to sit with those emotions and so it's, it's quite interesting how deeply connected our body is to all the parts of each other.

Mm-hmm. So, you know, and it. It doesn't, this, this awareness doesn't happen overnight. It's been years of me connecting to my body and deepening that presence with myself. But you gotta let things go. Talking to myself,

JK: you know, I even love them. Yeah, I love that. You know, you said to me this morning like, I'm actually not feeling the best.

And I was like, great. Like, thanks for telling me, because you could have just showed up, you know, being like, And then again, like just putting it under the carpet rather than recognizing it and just getting through it. You know, if you need to have a cry today to like, great, just do it, you know?

VL: Thank you. I appreciate you holding space for me like that. It's very, it's, it's nice because I, I feel like. There are a lot of people who want to express themselves, but aren't sure where they feel safe to do that because there is a vulnerability, right? There is this, unfortunately, the society that we live in, especially for men, doesn't quote unquote allow us to feel publicly, and maybe this is my own upbringing, but it was always like, Drink some water, wipe your tears, wash your face, get on with your day kind of thing.

And yeah, I've gotta say a lot of that has changed for me. And to be able to openly say to whomever I'm with and say, Hey, I'm going through something right now. I'm really excited to be here with you, but I want you to know that I'm feeling uneasy or I'm grieving. Because honestly, from what I've learned, this this last month has been a bit of a, a whirlwind, we'll call it.

Two things can be true. You can be incredibly devastatingly sad and grieving while at the same time being excited for the day and for the community that you're with. Mm-hmm. But you can hold space for two of those things and you can allow those feelings to move through you. And it is quite a beautiful thing when you sit with where you're at.

And for myself, I am going through some grieving and it's coming in waves. Mm-hmm. And. I feel that my body not feeling optimal today is just another reminder that even though the waves are quieting, you still need to look after yourself. You still need to go through the motions. You still need to ride the waves, and we're helping, my body is helping me slow down to recognize this.

So yeah, I, these are so incredible.

JK: Mm. And also like when you speak your truth, it allows others to speak their truth, right? And then the connection with the people around you is deeper.

VL: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Can you get, are those, are those tips helpful? Yeah. These are amazing and I'm so excited for all seven of them.

Is there anything that hasn't been said today that you wanna add before we get into our last part of our show?

JK: I have like one more bonus one if you want me to.  

VL: Let's do it. We love, we love the bonuses. Let's do it.  

Mindset

[37:18] JK: Okay. The bonuses mindset and.   Mindset can, mindset is so powerful, right?  You can think yourself into sickness, you can think yourself into health, and I, I, the main thing about this is like, act like you already have what you desire in your head.

Like instead of, instead of like, when we're working together, I need you to tell me I'm not sleeping, I'm not whatever. But then after that, I say go forward. Say I am sleeping. If anybody else asks you, do you sleep at night? Yep. I sleep really well at night. Like you almost need to convince your body and your mind that you are doing this thing for it to be able to follow your words.

VL: I'm so glad you said this because specifically with Sleep too, I forget what podcast I heard this on, but someone on the show was saying that their New Year's resolution was to stop saying that they're bad sleepers, and almost overnight, pun intended, their sleep habit changed completely and all of a sudden they could sleep amazing, but they stopped saying, I'm a horrible sleeper, or I'm a terrible sleeper.

That's the only thing they did listening. It's crazy.

JK: Yeah, right. When my kids aren't, aren't well. Like, I never say like, you're sick, you know, you're really sick right now. I just say your body's healing right now. No, it's, it's doing all the things it needs to do right now to get you better.

It's doing a really good job, you know, instead of telling them you're sick, you're sick. It's your healing, you know, it's just being conscious of the words you use because you, your body is listening.

VL: Mm-hmm. Not to get too witchy and wooy, but I call them spells when we say things like that or when we, we say, yeah, let's do it.

When we cast spells on us ourselves, like when we say, oh, I get sick every year, or I get sick once a year. You are literally making yourself sick every year because you say that.

JK: Yeah. Your words hold a lot of power. Your energy holds a lot of power. And I know like when you're in the depths of healing and you really just feel like total shit trying to, like a lot of, you know, many people say like, I can't just fake it.

I can't just fake it. I'm like, You don't need to be like this bubbly, bursting, whatever. All you need to do is just say, I'm getting better. I am healing. I am sleeping, I'm eating well. I'm moving my body. I am.

VL: I love that. Yeah. Thank you so much for all of these incredible tips today. I am very excited for this episode to go live as people are listening to the show.

Please let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you, how we can support you in your business.

INSTAGRAM | @jesskirby_youth.element

WEBSITE | https://www.jesskirby.com

Rapid Fire Round

[40:44] VL: Okay, my friend, there is one more part of the show. It is a rapid fire round. We have four questions. Are you ready?

JK: Oh yeah, I’m ready!

VL: What are you currently reading, or what is your favourite book?

JK: I'm currently reading The Hormone Cure by Sarah Gottfried, and it's thick, and I've read it back to back several times and I'm just like, ingraining it, ingraining it, ingraining it into my brain because I want to help women with hormones a lot.

And there's a, it's complicated.

It’s really good. It's like the Bible for hormones. I love her, all of her work.

VL: 2. What does “Empowerment” mean to you?

JK: Ooh. Feeling aligned with your gut. Being able to carry out your biggest desires.

3. What is your longest-standing habit?

JK: Oh, I have so many. I dunno which one has been around the longest. Eating whole foods dry brushing would be a second. Mm-hmm. Tongue scraping would be a third.

VL: What are you currently working towards?

JK: I am, this is a bit more personal. I guess. I'm working towards, Not doing it all in my house. I'm working towards enabling my partner to do things and for him to fail and it to be okay and for me not to have to do everything. Because I've chosen it that way, not because the help's not been there. It's just like I tend to take over.

So yeah, I'm working on, on receiving help.

VL: Oh, that's great. I love that for you. Exciting. I think it's exciting too. Yeah. This has been absolutely incredible. Thank you so much for sharing your deep wisdom with us today. I really wanna take a second to acknowledge I. All of the work that you've done for yourself, for your family, and how you show up for your community as well.

It is an absolute pleasure to have you as someone who I like to call a friend, and also someone who I've now been able to share your story with Almond the podcast. So thank you so much for everything and I look forward to seeing how you receive the support that you so, Deserve, I wanna say. So thank you so much. Thank you.

JK: Thanks so much for having me, and thanks everybody for listening. This has been awesome.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E232: The Power of Accountability: Finding Support on Your Habit Journey

If healthy habits were so easy to create and implement into our lives, there’d be a lot more iconic people in the world. People who would be crushing their goals, making a more meaningful impact, and enjoying optimal health.

So what separates the people who succeed with their high-level goals, and the ones that don’t make it past the first few days?

In today’s episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m going to share how one powerful tool can increase your chances of success by 95%..

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Stats from the American Society of Training and Development

[00:35] Here are the facts: the researches at the American Society of Training and Development (ASTD) found the following information in regards to your chances of completing a goal:

• Having an idea or goal: will make you 10% more likely to complete it

This makes sense, if you didn’t have any goals, then there would be no way to measure your success or achievements. They also found that…

• Consciously deciding that you will do it: makes you 25% more likely to complete the goal.

When we consciously make a decision, it means that we are fully aware of our choices. It means that we have considered the options, weighed the pros and cons,and made the decision. According to the ASTD doing this increases your chances of success by 25%. Wonderful! 

I think we can do better! Apparently when you…

• Decide WHEN you will do your goal, it can increase your chance of success by 40%

Something I teach in my Transform Your Habits Course is an implementation formula or implementation intention. This is writing out, and consciously deciding, what habit you want to implement AND WHEN. The formula goes like this:

I will [habit] at [time] in [location]. 

This formula helps a lot of people create their goals, and make their goals more obvious to do. A big part of why people don’t succeed in their habit-formation is because they have an idea of what their new habit is, however they haven’t thought about how, where, or when this habit is meant to fit into their daily lives. 

Insert the implementation intention formula. Writing out this simple sentence brings more awareness and clarity into the new habits and behaviours we’re creating. You can try it yourself! Share your implementation intention in the comments below this video, or let me know on instagram @vallavignelife

Okay, 40% increase in the likelihood of achieving your goal is great, but here’s how you can bump it up to 50%. According to ASTD…

• Planning how to do your goal can increase the likelihood of achieving it by 50%

You may have heard the quote, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

Having a plan for your goal and habits means you have broken that goal down into smaller actionable steps. Again, this is supporting the clarity of your new behaviour and makes it more possible for you to do. 

Part of working with me in our 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship is that after each of our sessions, yes even the first one, you leave with an action plan. I always say that the magic happens when you’re in action – even if the action is small!

While I encourage my clients to follow the plan we’ve co-created, it’s important to note that the plan can be flexible and adjusted as we make progress and can better understand how the plan works in action. I also want to add to this plan piece and say that setting dates for certain points of the plan, and blocking the time out in a calendar can be extremely helpful for implementation. 

There’s another way you can increase your chances of success with your goal, and that is by…

• Committing to someone that you will do it. This increases your chances by up to 65%!

There is power in sharing your goal with another person. I feel like this stat is great for leaders, and managers to keep in mind when working with others. Whether that’s for the manager to commit to their employee, or the employee to make a commitment to the manager. 

Later in this episode I’m going to dive into the details of different types of accountability and how they can help you achieve more! Speaking of accountability, our final stat from ASTD is…

• Having a specific accountability appointment with someone you’ve committed to increases your chance of completing your goal by 95%

YES! You are 95% more likely to complete a goal when you have a regular accountability meeting with a specific person you’ve committed to. 

In my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program, we have meetings together every other week, with voxer support in between our calls. That means you’re able to stay on track with your plan and create success in your goals. 

Having this process in place, allows us to identify what’s working, what isn’t and stay in alignment with your goals along the way. 

This ASTD statistic makes so much sense to me because I see this in action when I’m working with people. In our group Healthy Habit Membership, the members who are most successful, are the ones who are showing up to our monthly workshops, asking questions, and utilizing the voxer they have access to every week.

Sure, it’s not the same 1:1 connection and in-depth accountability, however it is there and it works, if you work it. “It” being the tools and systems provided.

Types of Accountability

[05:49]  Accountability is available to everyone, not just people who work with me. There are so many types of accountability we can take advantage of, the trick is finding the one that works for YOU and your new behaviours. 

Let’s take a look at the different types of accountability.

We’ve covered that Working with a Coach/Mentor is the best way to see your goal through. This is because working with a coach – actually let me rephrase this. I’ve worked with many coaches, some have been incredibly helpful, and others… not so much. Working with the right coach for you, and a good coach, will mean that you have regularly scheduled meetings that are specific to you and your goal.

When women work with me one-on-one, we have the specific goal of working together, as well as the specific goal of the meeting. This clarity and organization help my clients stay on track, and highlight what is working, and what isn’t. The expectations are set and clear, and the action steps are laid out.

There’s also Social Accountability. This could be anything from sharing your goals on social media or telling your community of friends and coworkers what you’re working toward. Most of the time, when you share your goals with people you see on a regular basis, they’ll want updates on your progress and want to ask you how things are going with your new routines. 

I’ll even add to this one and say, if you can share your habits socially and also declare that you’ll be doing updates every week for example on your social media.

If you don’t want to share your goals with your entire Instagram audience, you can seek out an Accountability Buddy. This is a friend who you check-in with on your habit, or they might also do the habit with you! Perhaps you’re both going to the gym at the same time every week. Or maybe you both want to avoid alcohol so instead of happy hour meet ups, you meet for a pedicure date. If your buddy isn’t doing the habit with you, you can ask them to check in on you every so often and help encourage you along your journey. In return, you can hold them accountable to their own goals.

Similar to an accountability buddy, you can use Healthy Competition as accountability. This can be done with another person, or a group of people to compete against each other to reach the goals. This type of accountability works really well when everyone is going for the same goal, and if you can see each other's progress along the way. Peloton does this really well. With the Peloton app you can follow friends, set workout dates and workout to the same video even if you’re in different physical locations. Through the app you can also visit your friend’s profiles and see what workouts they’re doing and what progress they’re making. If you’re a competitive person, or have competitive friends, this might be a great option for you!

An overlooked type of accountability is a Habit Tracker. There are so many different types of trackers or methods of tracking, and I could probably do a whole podcast episode on it. For simplicity’s sake, let’s discuss the most basic – yet effective – form of tracking your habit: marking a calendar. 

Jerry Seinfeld has been named one of the top 100 comedians of all time. His method for being a better comedian, now known as the “Seinfeld Strategy” is to write a joke every single day. To help him do this, he got a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hangs it on a wall he sees daily. Then get a big red marker and for each day that he wrote a joke, he got to put a big red X over that day. After a few days, you start to see a chain. Seinfeld says, “Your only job is not to break the chain.”

When we work together, whether that’s one-on-one, in the group membership, or through my Transform Your Habits Course, I always supply a tracker. It’s totally up to you to use it, but it’s always there. 

In fact, our Healthy Habit members in the group coaching program receive these trackers at the start of every month, and a blank 28-day tracker lives inside their bonus resources in their membership portal. So you don't have to start tracking a habit at the beginning of a month, you can start today!

Another idea for accountability is to have Milestone Celebrations/Prizes. I like these for bigger goals that we’ve broken down into smaller steps. Let’s say the big goal has 100 steps. How can you celebrate or incentivise yourself every 10 steps you take? This can be fun and help boost motivation early in the habit formation because it has you dreaming up what you’ll be doing 10 steps from now. The more meaningful the incentive/prize, the more likely you’ll be to reach it because you want it that much more.

The last type of accountability I want to share with you today is Alerts and Reminders. I like these because they can be automated. For example, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday an alarm goes off on my phone at 11:11am to remind me to connect to my feeling words: Joy, Purpose, Strength. When I don’t set this alarm I go the whole day without thinking of my feeling words. While I usually use reminders and alerts as triggers for your habit, they can work really well for simpler habits, like the one I shared.

Surprisingly Satisfying

[11:11] I want to circle back to the habit tracker for a moment because I feel like this really simple method of building a habit is too often overlooked. 

Your habit tracker, or your calendar like Jerry Seindfeld uses, is going to do something very powerful for you. Your habit tracker is going to show you your progress.

Making progress in your goals is one of the most satisfying rewards. Creating a new behaviour that is satisfying to you, will make you more likely to repeat that behaviour. The more you repeat the behaviour, the more it forms into an automatic habit. 

Every night I use the app Duolingo to learn French. Some days I get through ten lessons, which is a big deal. And other days I only finish one or two. Duolingo doesn’t necessarily keep track of how many lessons I do each day, BUT it does keep track of how many days I complete a lesson.

At the time of this podcast recording I have completed 999 consecutive days of learning French with Duolingo! My consistency is very much because of how the app celebrates even your smallest progress! There are a lot of things this app does right, and automatically tracking my progress is one of them.

Automate Your Tracking

[12:28] When it comes to tracking habits, I think the main reason why people fail to track their habits is because doing the habit is already a new habit, to manually track that habit is an additional habit!

To overcome this obstacle, notice different apps or systems that can help you automate your tracking. 

For example, there are a number of apps on my phone that keep track of my habits without me having to do anything extra.

My OURA ring app tracks all kinds of information from the number of steps I take to the amount of sleep I have.

The Insight Timer app tracks how many minutes of meditation I’ve completed. My Period Tracker app tells me what part of my cycle I’m in. And the settings on my iPhone track how many minutes I spend on every app I use. 

I use an electronic calendar. If I open my calendar up right now, I can see how many workouts I’ve done this week, month, and even year because I schedule those workouts into my calendar.

Of course not all of our habits can be automatically tracked, but if you struggle with keeping track of your progress, think of ways you can automate or simplify your tracking.

Ways to Work with Me

[14:09] I feel like I’ve bragged about my services already, but I’m going to talk about them one more time with you because I am truly passionate about helping women like you!

If you’re watching or listening to this podcast episode, I feel that it is safe to say that you’re looking for support in your health and wellness.

Maybe you feel overwhelmed with all the information out there. Or perhaps you’ve tried to do things on your own but the new habits just aren’t sticking. Or maybe you’re craving change and don’t know where to get started.

Whether you’re stuck in these areas, or with something different or more specific, I feel you.

There was a time where I felt deeply trapped in bad habits, negative mindset, and I was hanging out with the “wrong crowd.”

I was all the things. I remember feeling lost, overwhelmed, confused, and hopeless. 

I want to tell you that in one day, with the snap of two fingers I had figured out all of my problems and was on the path to brighter days!

But that’s not how it went at all. 

I experimented with the books that came into my life, and the nudges I was getting to make a change. Because of what I went through I know now that transformation does not happen overnight or all at once. It happens through small, seemingly insignificant behaviours that bring you to your transformation over time.

I am now able to use my own journey and experience to help women take back their power and make a greater impact.

I lead by example with the habits, rituals, routines, and systems I’ve created with my own life and business and I do not share any methods that I haven’t already tried myself. 

I’m sharing this with you because I believe you can have it all, with the right intentions and actions set in place. 

I would love to work with you in creating your dream life, achieving your goals, and making your impact on the world. 

If you’re just getting started with your habit journey, my new self-paced course is a great starting point. This is called Transform Your Habits and it’s available this month! In this course you’ll learn proven methods to help you create your habits and the implementation tips to start them today!

Transform Your Habits

Join the waitlist >> (squeeze page)

If you’re looking for community support and accountability mixed with some independence in your habit-formation journey, then our Healthy Habit Membership is for you. In the membership you have access to everything in the Transform Your Habits course, as well monthly workshop and coaching sessions, and weekly voxer support with me.

Healthy Habit Membership

Maybe you’ve been here a while and you’re ready to go deep with your habits and transformation. In that case we can work together more intimately in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program. This is where you’ll get the most access to me, as well as the most accountability with your new behaviours. This program is 100% customizable and guaranteed to improve your self-worth.

1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship

When you’re deciding who to work with, or partner with for your new habits, routines, rituals, and systems, make sure the person you’re working with is someone you trust to share your goals with and who can hold space for your journey of growth. You want someone who can keep you on track, and celebrate your wins!

If that’s me, I’d love to connect! Let’s chat in the comments below this video!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E231: Upgrade Your Sleep

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast – thank you for choosing us for your ears if you’re listening – or for your eyes, if you’re watching on YouTube! Today’s topic is incredibly powerful and potent to a number of areas of health and our overall wellness. Today we’re talking about SLEEP!

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Sleep is a critical factor of our health and I am shocked when people tell me they can function on anything less than 6 hours of sleep. Or when people tell me they wake up multiple times throughout the night, or that they are “terrible sleepers.” If this is you, then keep listening/watching.

For as long as I can remember I have enjoyed sleep and am “a good sleeper.” On average I am head to pillow asleep in like 3-4 minutes – which isn’t necessarily a good thing, and we’re going to talk about this more later in this episode, but I do sleep deeply and soundly most of the time. 

Getting quality sleep is so freaking important because our entire body, mind, and system NEED this rest and recovery time. Quality sleep can improve our brain performance, our mood, and our overall health.

Poor sleep patterns or habits can lead to increased risks of diseases and disorders including heart disease, dementia, and obesity.

I’m sure you can think of a time when you had a great sleep and woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready for the day, versus when you’ve had a bad sleep and wake up forgetting what planet you’re on and how to use a spoon.

When I polled our Instagram community and asked, how would you rate the quality of your sleep on average using a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), the average answer was 6.5/10. 

Being the curious cat that I am, I needed to do more investigating with our community to really understand their sleep-care, patterns, and sleep routines.

There were quite a few findings that I was really surprised about, and I’ll mention them throughout today’s episode.

But first! Let’s start with outlining what the following terms mean:

Sleep-Care: is the practice of creating supportive routines around sleep so that you can actually reap the mental and physical benefits of quality sleep.

Sleep Patterns: in this episode I’m going to discuss the different cycles and rhythms of our sleep as well as different human patterns or chronotypes that tell us a lot about our sleep.

Sleep Routines: while many people think sleep routines are all about what we do at night time before bed, there’s actually a lot more to them, including how our daytime and morning routines affect our sleep!

[03:04] One of the best ways to upgrade your sleep is by having a sleep schedule, meaning you go to bed and wake up around the same time daily. Out of the people who answered this question in our Instagram community, 12% said they had a sleep schedule, 45% said they woke up and went to bed within 60 minutes of the same time daily, and 43% said they were all over the place! YIKES!

Consistency is KEY with our sleep schedule. While there are a lot of people or “gurus” who have their own ideas of what the best time of day to wake up or go to sleep is, it will be important that it works for YOU. I am not a member of the 5am club. Not for me. Maybe for you? Not for everyone. And that’s COOL!

My body feels best when I wake up between 6am and 7am. There is a blatant difference in my mood and function when I can sleep until at least 6:30am, and it’s not just me that notices it, I’ve heard it from other people in real life.

If you’re trying to figure out what time your bedtime and wake up times are, consider your everyday schedule – like when you start work for example – and keep in mind that adults need anywhere from 7-9 hours of sleep per night. So you can do the math for you and your own schedule.

One of the reasons why a consistent sleep schedule is so beneficial is because it’s part of our body’s natural cycles, known as the circadian rhythm. This is the natural pattern of our body and its functions and processes during the 24 hour cycle/clock. This internal process helps our body prepare for the changes in our day and our environment such as activity, falling asleep, waking up, when to eat, and so much more!

Not long ago I read a book called The Power of When by Michael Breus  

[04:43] It’s all about what Breus calls Chronotypes. Chronotypes are the four different types of circadian rhythms. He describes them through four animals: Bear, Lion, Wolf, and Dolphin.

Bears are the most common of the chronotypes. They tend to wake up around 7am and go to sleep around 10pm.

Lions are the early birds. This chronotype wakes up earlier than bears and tends to be most productive before 12pm.

Wolves are the opposite of lions. Someone with a wolf chronotype will wake up later in the morning, and be more productive in the evening/night time with a much later bedtime.

Lastly, the dolphin chronotype is the least popular with easily disturbed sleep, and lacking a sleep schedule. 

Only 27% of our Instagram community knew what their chronotype was – the others hadn’t even heard of it before! This was one of the findings that really surprised me!

I highly recommend checking out the chronotype book I mentioned as it goes so much deeper into your type and not just for sleep, but for when the best time is for working out, eating, meetings, productivity, and more!

[07:03] While this tool of chronotypes is helpful for a lot of the daytime rhythms, and when to go to bed/wake up, I mentioned before that the circadian rhythm is all about our body’s functions – in the day AND at night!

In Traditional Chinese Medicine there is something called an organ body clock.

This organ body clock is one of my most favourite tools for understanding my body and what it needs because it shows us when each of our organs is restoring and regenerating!

For example, if you wake up at a specific time every night, let’s say between 2-3am,  the TCM clock will tell us that something is going on with our liver detoxification and our liver might need more support.

In our polls and research with our own community on Instagram, there were a lot of people who said they work up around the same time every night 58% of the voters – if that is you, check out this body clock to see what your organs are telling you!

[07:54] Part of our sleep-care and sleep routines take place two hours before our bedtime. If you’re someone who has trouble falling asleep, it might be because you haven’t taken time to wind down for the evening and calm your energy from the day. 

I notice this a lot on the evenings that I teach pilates late. Personally, I am someone who prefers to work out in the morning or early afternoon at the latest! But we do have a lot of members who come to our pilates studio and workout in the evenings.

Even though I am not doing the physical exercises, teaching back-to-back classes requires me to be “ON” and alert, and I’m still moving. Plus I close the studio and then drive about 25 minutes to get home which I also have to be wide awake for. By the time I get home around 9pm, I don’t have much time to wind down and I also have to eat some dinner, and do the hygiene routine and all that. 

That’s not every night, but it is every Wednesday night for me. So if it’s possible for you, for as many nights as you can, start to incorporate some evening routines or practices that help you calm your mind and body to help prepare you for the sleep you are going to have. 

Eating dinner at least two hours before bedtime is a big one! My OURA ring – which I have a $40 USD/EUR code for if you want it!

When I eat dinner late, my OURA ring will show me that my heart rate either lowered very late in the night during sleep, or that my resting heart rate remained high for my sleep indicating that my recovery wasn’t ideal. 

This usually happens when we eat really late because our body is working on digesting food, but it can also remain high when our body is fighting off sickness, when we’re going through a stressful time in our lives, or when we had a really heavy workout and we need more time to recover from that.

[09:20] If you are looking for a tool to help you with your sleep, I really love my OURA ring and even though I am a good sleeper, I enjoy the information from this device about my sleep, my readiness levels and my activity score as well. These three main tabs of the OURA app are so informative as to showing us what the body is experiencing, with helpful tips on how to improve each of the areas. 

You know me, I’m all about tracking habits – especially for accountability and progress purposes – and the OURA ring does the tracking automatically. Everything from your resting heart rate, to your sleep cycles, to the number of steps you take in a day. 

It even tracks your basal body temperature which is really cool for tracking your menstrual cycle! But we’ll save that for another day.

Speaking of cycles, the OURA ring also shows you your sleep cycles and how much REM sleep, Deep sleep, and Light Sleep you get each night.

REM stands for Rapid Eye Movement. Our REM Sleep is important for dreaming, memory, creativity, and consolidation. It is regulated by our circadian rhythm – and yes this is a newer feature of the OURA ring that will tell you if you are an “early morning” or “late morning” rhythm etc. But it doesn’t use the animals haha

REM sleep usually happens in the later half of the evening and can be improved by getting a full night’s sleep, and limiting/avoiding stimulants in the evening such as caffeine, alcohol or high intensity exercises. 

Our deep sleep is the most rejuvenating and restorative sleep stage. During deep sleep, the heart and breathing rates are steady, our limbs are relaxed, the blood pressure drops, and it can be a lot harder for us to wake up. Typically our deep sleep happens in the early half of the evening.

For anyone who wants to get more deep sleep, consider the following as part of your sleep-care and sleep routines: regular exercise, avoid heavy meals, stimulants, and bright screens 1-2 hours before bed, and long naps in the afternoon.

[12:39] When I talk to more people about their sleep habits, and evening routines, the insights of the quality of sleep seem to surprise me less.

GENERALLY speaking, the people who have better quality sleep tend to also have a few sleep helpers – no not drugs.

They sleep with: blackout curtains, eye masks, ear plugs, in a cold room, with a humidifier and calming essential oils. These are all really helpful tools/helpers that can improve your sleep quality and I know many of these have worked for me. 

Some of the community members who struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, or have a restful sleep, have shared that they sleep with sleep sounds on YouTube, headphones in their ears for music or noise, and some have the TV on in the bedroom.

Now you might be listening/watching this and getting on the defensive about your TV in your bedroom at night, and trust me, I get it AND ALSO you will sleep better with the least amount of technology in your room at night. Now… this is a process, so it might not feel that way the first night, or the first week, but over time it will improve your quality of sleep to have technology out of your bedroom and your ears!

[14:14] Maybe you don’t have trouble sleeping, but your mornings feel rough. Perhaps at this point in the episode you’re starting to piece together where your sleep-care could be improved. AMAZING!

When I polled the audience asking “How do you feel when you wake up? Do you “need” something to wake you up, like coffee for example?”

It was a pretty even vote between, waking up ready for the day, to needing coffee to wake up, and for others it was time/a cold shower.

In my own experience, I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I wake up between 6 and 7am. Before 6am and… well as I tell my early morning pilates class, “This is not my best time of day, but this is my best at this time of day.”

Translation: if I didn’t have to wake up at 5:30am to teach pilates, I wouldn’t. But here I am so this is the best I can do with where I’m at. 

Even on those early mornings, when I prioritize my sleep hygiene and sleep-care I can wake up at 5:30am and not be a total zombie. Again, consistency is really going to be the key here. Consistent bedtime and wake up times. 

[16:42] The last bit I want to leave you with today are some ideas to help you with a better/upgrade sleep routine. 

I want to use specific examples for the super awesome community members who really took the time to share/interact with me during this poll. If you aren’t already hanging with us on IG, slide into those DMs @vallavignelife

The party is in the stories and I often use conversations from my coaching clients and IG community for content here on the podcast! 

I think it was Jess from @thewatercooler who said they want to  “wake up feeling more rested.” A really helpful tip for this is actually to get out of bed within 5-15 minutes of waking up and avoid hitting snooze. You can also start the day with some cold therapy like a 30 second cold burst in your shower, or splashing cold water on your face to help wake you up right away.

Amy said, “I would like to go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier.” And to that I say, “Amy, you’re on the right track!” because we can’t really have one without the other and similar to Jess, don’t hit that snooze button first thing in the morning and start with waking up earlier and avoiding naps in the day!

Suzanne wants to “sleep through the night or more than 3 hours consistently.” Suzanne is one of my clients in the Healthy Habit Membership community and I know that the evening routines is something she’s working on. Some of the habits she is incorporating include:

• Consistent bedtime

• Eating earlier in the evening and less or no wine at dinner

• As well as wind down rituals like baths, skincare routines, reading before bed

Emilia says she wants to “fall asleep as fast as my partner.” The amount of time it takes you to fall asleep is known as latency. According to the OURA app, the ideal latency is 15-20 minutes, and a sign of overtiredness is falling asleep in 5 minutes or less - SO your partner could be overtired. 

Now, I typically fall asleep within 3-6 minutes, which I mentioned at the beginning of this episode. And sometimes my OURA ring does say I fell asleep too fast, but I think because this has been something I have been able to do for years and years I don’t feel that I’m overtired because of it, since it’s part of my regular insights.

But Emilia, you can create a solid wind down routine in the evening with routines or rituals that help to calm your nervous system such as listening to relaxing music, drinking a cup of relaxing tea, meditation, or inverting your legs up the wall before bed. And of course, avoiding sugar… which I know Emilia is working on because she just completed our 21 day healthy habits challenge!

For Joanne, who wants to “go to bed at 9:00 every night” – take a moment to set a timer at 8:00pm and let that be your cue/trigger to start relaxing and preparing for bed so that when 9pm rolls around you’re not in the middle of a project.

Jenn wants “deep sleep within a few minutes.” Similar to Emilia you can start your evening routine and really support your body in preparing for sleep, and remember I mentioned before that deep sleep can be improved by avoiding bright lights, heavy meals, and stimulants before bed.

Kennedy is wishing for “no more nightmares” for her sleep-care. As a very vivid dreamer myself, and knowing that Kennedy is a spiritual human, I would recommend a meditation practice before bed. Something with calming the mind, programming positive stories/affirmations, as well a shield of protection before sleep and also around the bed and bedroom. 

I had a giggle when Kaylie said, “Make me want to go to sleep. I love evenings and I don’t want them to end” Maybe you have a wolf chronotype Kaylie! FOMO Is real and I have this too sometimes. One of the “rules/boundaries” I have around sleep is that I must go to bed the same day I woke up. If it helps, you can tell yourself that there is a beautiful day waiting for you tomorrow and it needs you at your best energetically.

Similar to Jess, Ceri wants “to wake up feeling less sluggish.” and shared that she “takes a good hour or so to come around.” You could try the cold therapy, or see if removing screens/technology from the bedroom and maybe going to sleep a little earlier is more helpful.

Jana says, “no more 3am witching hour. Also hormones in your 40s are bonkers; they mess with sleep.” and Lisa says, “sleep through Even if for 6.5-7 hours”

Hormones can certainly affect our sleep! When we look at the TCM body clock, 3am is when our lungs are detoxing as well as deep sleep, dreams, and memory. We could use this to experiment with practices that help support our lungs, perhaps our dreams are trying to tell us something, or we are working through a memory.

For Lisa specifically, notice when you’re waking up and use the TCM body clock to identify any patterns!

And last but certainly not least, Candice says, “Relax my brian in the evening to sleep instead of frenzied feeling.” The busy monkey-mind working hard at night is super annoying and also very common. When I’m feeling mentally active before bed, I give myself 10-20 minutes to write or type everything in my brain out. Usually I make a list, sometimes I organize the list, or make notes about the notes, but I just get it all out of my head and after 10-20 minutes it’s now time for sleep.

Anything “left over” is for tomorrow. I also tell myself, “just focus on today. What can you actually do today?” and usually I'm in bed so the answer is, “Today is done, we can focus on tomorrow’s tasks, tomorrow.”

And on that note… this concludes our special sleep episode! I hope you learned something today about sleep and can take ONE ACTION to upgrade your sleep routine!

Let me know in the comments of this video, what part of your sleep are you working on? What was your biggest takeaway from this week’s episode?

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E230: How to Have Hard Conversations around Heartbreak, Breakups and Divorce with Sallyanne Hartnell

Sallyanne Hartnell is a Relationship & Divorce Coach, blogger & podcaster.

Your divorce wing-woman, Sallyanne helps her clients answer the big questions they’re asking about their relationship, shift unhealthy relationship patterns, decide whether to stay or leave, & divorce with less drama.

She empowers you to see divorce as an opportunity to open your heart & mind to possibility. To reframe your story, reclaim your life & liberate yourself for a future you’re excited about…

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[01:10] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am thrilled to introduce you to a brand new guest of the show. Sallyanne. Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here today.

Sallyanne Hartnell: It is great to be excited to share some space with you.

VL: I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Our style of guests we've had on the show we've had a handful of different coaches, but no one such as yourself. So I'd love for you to introduce yourself and share a little bit more about your story. How you got to where you are today?

SH: Thank you.

I am a relationship coach. I started my business four and a half years ago and it took me a while to really accept the nudges that the universe was sending me to step into this work. I have two young adult children. One is 21 and one is 18. And I divorced. Their father and I separated when they were six and eight. thereabouts. It's going outside, finding it difficult to remember And we did that really amicably. We are still friends, my family still treat him as sort of an extended family member. We get along quite well.

And when we divorced, I moved to a different area.

Outlines of Melbourne, Australia when we were based and people did not realize for some time we were divorced because we'd turn up to the primary school we'd turn up to sporting events for our kids seemingly together, talking laughing and the kids to just move comfortably between us. And so once they realized in their community that most people would sort of ask questions. Well, how did you do it? How are you still friends, you know, and I would be having conversations with mostly women, who were Western separating the divorce like yours.

So that was one part of it. and the other part of it was when we did when we're negotiating and navigating our way through our separation and divorce. I was really looking for that next level of support, someone who was not your best friend, someone who was not a lawyer, someone who was not.

And I realized years later of course that what I was really looking for was someone to hold my hand and steam through just the complexities of what separation and divorce bring up for you as a woman as an individual as a human as a family. and that just didn't that service just didn't exist. So those are two components of why I lived experience.

listening to the not just universe I reached life coach and now I specialize, working with humans who are separated.

{04:13} VL: It's so incredible and so unique and the story that you've just shared makes complete sense to how you got into what you're doing. And I think what makes you so great at what you do is that you have had that lived experience and again, people are looking to you as whether that's proof or evidence or what it could be for them. I have not personally been married or separated. for that matter. However, I have seen a lot of relationships.

Some of those relationships are amicable. I have an aunt and an uncle who come to events together, they still go for dinner together and go to the movies together and their children are adults with their own children. And so it's nice to have them both at family functions and I still refer to this woman as my aunt even though you know they're not married anymore and all this but then I also know relationships that don't have that same connection and they don't want the same room together and they don't want to be part of extended families and whatnot and I can imagine with children, there is an even deeper layer to all of the things that come up. And just speaking from what I've been able to see from what I've learned from listening to your podcasts and watching you online, is that you know there's not one right way and there's not one particular path. There are lots of different options and it's really dependent on the family, the situation the people and so on. So it's really incredible to have someone like you in their corner like you said, holding hands with them through this journey because, again, I can only imagine the feelings that would come up and the questions and the uncertainties and, you know, one of the things I've been able to, I guess recognize in these types of situations just as an outsider as a friend of someone going through these things is that there's a lot of unknowns. There seems to be a lot of shame around divorce or separation, especially with families and so I wonder if we can speak a little bit to that today to maybe it's the how to call it the overwhelm the feelings that come up. How would you describe everything?

SH: Everything? Yeah, I often talk about overcoming the overwhelm. Now that and that happens with whether it's an actual dissolution of a marriage or it's just a separation from a long term partnership. So much comes up, even before you make the decision to separate berries that rumination that constant asking of questions over and over and over fixation on the same questions not being able to see your way through that overwhelm. And yeah, that's part of what I help my clients to do.

When families are involved with children involved, and as you said, there's a next layer of complexity.

It's really important to have somebody whether it's a coach, whether it's your best friend, whether it's your counselor lawyer who can help you unpack and unravel and come back to what is the one thing I need to get done today. What is the one thing I need to move forward? What's going to move the needle forward? Does that answer your question?

VL: Really overcoming that overwhelm. And I'm curious if you know a little bit more about the shame part of it, because I think that's what I guess I really curious to know is that I don't know what the statistics are now, but I've heard it's over 50% of marriages end in divorce. is that right to have marriages

SH: That is the case in Australia and I know in the states and I'm assuming Canada is similar.

VL: I mean, just based on the people I know I can probably think of half of my community is divorce and yet there's so much of this discomfort. Shame. How, how do we move through that piece of those feelings?

SH: I think the shame comes up because we're also still that happy ever after story that there is one person out there for us there is you know, you go out and you find your person. You commit to a relationship or long term partnership or marriage with them. You create a family and we're we're still sold that that is the story that's the only story. And so if you're if your life doesn't play along the lines of that story, then it's wrong.

And I really want to shift that I really want to shift that credibly story because it's there are so many ways to live a life there are so many ways to be connected and in relationship with other humans. And sometimes those relationships around their cause. And whether that's if that's a marriage, and that involves a divorce. That can be just a completion rather than something that's broken, or wrong or bad. So I think if we can shift the story that there is one person out there for you, that it's a happily ever after. and it's a forever commitment. If we can shift that story, then we can start to release that embedded, embedded shame that I think particularly women tend to feel.

I think there's, you know, Disney and movies and the media still have a lot to answer for in terms of selling us that store that, you know, we need to go out and find the one and create it for ourselves and if it doesn't end up with the happily ever after. It really can embed an audit by that.

[10:14] VL: I've heard you talking about the myths of love Before and how it's so easy to get caught up in those Disney Fantasy, whatever it is stories that we've been told and so to be able to rewrite that. Those were ingrained. When I was a kid, I was watching those movies and listening to those fairy tales.

I definitely mean I've seen some of the newer Disney movies and there definitely seems to be a shift happening in the narrative which is great.

But still rewriting a lot of those scraps for sure. Is there any piece of advice for someone who may be someone such as myself who is going into a more serious partnership where marriage is on the table?

Those “legal commitments.” Is there any advice that you would give someone or even someone who's newly married for that matter? To help them with rewriting the script or to help them create that? you know, more meaningful, more realistic, but a more realistic story.

SH: Have the hard conversations. Don't silence yourself. Don't silence your voice. Don't push down your feelings. Allow all of that to come to the surface and find really healthy ways to communicate your wants, your needs, your desires, and to move through conflict.

I think there's still a lot of silencing of our own voice pushing down on the shutdown, and not being willing to step into hard conversations. Healthy, happy, long term relationships. Let's call them successful. in inverted commas. relationships aren't ones where there is no conflict. They are ones where each person in the relationship, each member of the relationship, is we're willing to stand in that discomfort and to move through conflict to a resolution. They're willing to show up and be vulnerable. They're willing to have the hard conversations. So in terms of shifting that narrative, shifting that story you know, if you think about the classic disaster, there's always a power imbalance about Cinderella and the Prince, you know, there's a power imbalance. So redressing that power imbalance coming in as two equal people committed to the relationship and moving forward.

committed to your own individual growth, but committed to the growth of the relationship that really involves having, having the hard conversations and bringing things to the table so that you can move through the conflict and come out the other.

[13:10] VL: I thought you were going to make it easy! Just kidding.

But in all seriousness, I will say that I definitely have experienced quite the maturity I have in the last several years and specifically with the relationship that I'm in now compared to the relationship that I was last and I remember making a commitment to myself, which was really similar to what you said, anymore. I'm not going to just let this person say and do and act how they want to act, even though it doesn't make me feel good. And so that was really empowering for me to leave that relationship as challenging as that was as heartbreaking as that was and of course it wasn't a divorce, but you know, breakups are hard.

SH: to break up with this the legal bit of the emotional and practical implications.

VL:  When I was first dating my now partner, I, I definitely shied away from some of the conversations that he wanted to have, you know, he is older than I am. 

He has more life experience than me in certain areas like buying a house, for example, and all these different parts of that part of his journey. And so, I actually had never lived with my partner before. So a lot of this was really new to me. And so he was bringing up these conversations like whoa, we just, we just started living together. We and it was a hesitancy for sure on my part, but I'm really glad that those conversations were open and even the fact that he wanted to have those conversations. That was a different feeling. So even though I was nervous to have it the fact that I was being met as a partner, and not just as this lesser whatever, like whatever you whatever the case may be, because so when you talk about those dynamics and the power imbalances, I see it a lot in relationships and so I do have a question about that because I can think of a handful of couples come to my mind where maybe one person is making more money, or one person has more quote unquote success in a different way than the other or passion for their job. or whatever it is, like there's always I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, there's always going to be some sort of imbalance in some area of relationship. 

So what do you say to help come together in a way that, you know, maybe that one person can make as much money as their partner but is there somewhere else where there's a balance?

[16:11] SH: I'm going to answer it, you know, slightly sideways manner. And that is that I really believe what I know for healthy, happy couples with longevity.

They're each other's biggest cheerleader and champion. So, it's not a competition, makes more money, it's not a competition about who's more successful.

It's that each person is the other’s biggest cheerleader.

VL: Yep. *laughs* you’re coming in with the hard things. 

It’s great to hear you say that because really, it's not. It's great to hear you share that because really, it's not just about or just about partnership.

To have your own goals, they can have their own goals, but you come together also as a team, so to me and us. And I really liked this philosophy because part of what I believe in, I'm a very independent person myself, I have lots of goals. I am building my brands and my businesses. You know, I started this podcast. We've talked about this before, but it's not something that I want to bring to my partner.

in terms of investing in my business or being the co-host of my podcast, or whatever that looks like but I want their support with it. So I also want them to have their own goals, their hobbies, their hopes and dreams so that I would love to support the cheerleader type of way as well. So it's nice to have those reminders or to hear that from someone.

Because sometimes it feels like we probably know this from the world and having a podcast. I feel like I'm talking to myself a lot of the time.

I love these guest episodes. But also, I don't know if my partner loves skydiving. I've never been skydiving. I don't know if I will go skydiving. I'm very excited for him to skydive, I will go to the skydiving place. And I will watch him so that's about as close as I'm getting to doing that right now. But the fact that we can support each other in these ways I definitely feel has been key to us coming together and understanding each other and supporting each other. So as much as you know the sideways answer.

SH: I definitely think it's really important to maintain that “You-Me-Us”. And the “Us”  actually needs to be the first thing. So there's the Us and then there's Me, particularly when children become particularly when a couple has children, because oftentimes they lose focus on the past and that becomes less of a priority because this is me. There's two kids, there's the dog, there's work, there's the house and there's all the themes. So maintaining that as a priority. While still maintaining your own hopes, dreams, values, goals, whatever, maintaining the Us as a priority is really important in terms of not ending up needing to meet a divorce coach.

[19:39] VL: Yeah, I liked that you said “us” first. I liked what you said first because I know that you've said this on your podcast before you talked about how your relationships suffer. Batum but you talked about how healthy relationships and you don't want to forget about that last unit because our lives can be so busy that we forget about us and then we don't take time to go on those things and to an A relentless honeymoon phases of our relationship because we just get so caught up in all the other things so I'm really glad that you mentioned that as part together. really important. Now, this is great information for healthy relationships or how to maintain those. Well let's go back to divorce and separations because I made that point.

But let's say we are ruminating on the questions. we're leaning towards the decision. And as we are deciding that we are no longer ready to separate. Can you walk us through a little bit about, maybe not like the logistical process that perhaps the feelings and emotional piece of it and how we can grow from there?

[21:02] SH: I think the first thing that comes up For many once they've made the decision is if let's talk about it being a mutual decision, because if it's if you've been blindsided by your partner, then there's a different, whole different host of emotions and feelings and thoughts that need to be preserved. If this is a mutual decision, one of the first things that comes up Grace Because not only you're grieving, the loss of that partnership, you're grieving the loss of the happiness ever after that you thought you were going to have. So, allowing. Allowing grief to surface, processing, whatever healthy ways you choose to process it is really important.

I think if you want an amicable relationship going forward, particularly if you have children, if you're going to have to make because of the kids or young adults or finding ways to communicate effectively, is really important. You're getting divorced, you're separating your breaking out for really crisis and very often one of those reasons he's that he's struggling to communicate effectively with one another. So finding ways to dial down your nervous system to regulate your nervous system so that you can go into a conversation about logistics is really important to the shame that comes up for you again, process that for many of my clients who are amicably, jointly deciding to separate there's still a real sense of sadness.

Even those and I work predominantly with women, not not only with women, but even those women who they know it's done. I'm out here. It's my decision. He doesn't want to say, right, I'm out. There's still sadness and sometimes that is a surprise that hey, I chose this big now to be really sad and I'm really craving. 

So processing, allowing, allowing or allowing all the other women, other clients. They're actually really happy. So if they get a bit upset sometimes when they're explaining to someone else that we've decided to separate, we're divorcing and everyone's like, well, actually, it might not be sad. So if, if you're the, what I call the first responder, if you are being told by a friend, relative colleague, that they've chosen to separate and divorce and don't respond with, oh, that's so sad. That tips people back into that shame back into that narrative of their happiness ever after. So be really open about the way you respond to someone who's sharing that separation or choosing to divorce. 

Again, that was a bit of a sideways answer, but I always like to drop that in because that first response when somebody tells you that they're separating divorce, divorcing is really important and can actually inform the way their divorce processes if you whip it into a frenzy of oh my god, I really never liked him. he was always at this or she was always, you know, that can really trigger and activate the person that you're speaking with. and they can get sucked into that narrative. and that can snowball into a high conflict situation when it doesn't need to. 

So yeah, if you had the first responder. Choose your words really gently.

[24:20] VL: That's so interesting that you say that because I can remember very vividly a time when the girls were getting together and one of the girlfriends Such and Such happened. Me and him are breaking up. and you could just see I mean, all of us were there, but each person had a very different response in her energy, the one who was sharing changed.

Like a yo yo roller. I was crazy. and I remember that, to me, was a moment where I was really present and I saw her but I felt very deeply for this friend of mine.

​​I'm not going to respond that way to where people say and so maybe give us definitely freaked out about that guy not working for me. And obviously she was feeling a lot of different ways.

And I just said, “I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through, I can imagine you are experiencing a lot of feelings, is there anything I can do?”

Even though I totally didn’t like that guy and they were definitely wrong for eachother… *laughs* but what are some things that we could say in these situations?

[26:22] SH: I think what you just shared is almost perfect. That's big news. Because if you say “I'm sorry” that it's a bad thing. That's big news. How are you feeling?

“What do you need from me right now? I'm here for you, Let me know.” Because those kinds of things rather than projecting our own claims or whatever just reflecting back, that it's big money here.

[27:03] VL:  Yeah *sigh* Because I’ve been there too,  And I don’t want any unsolicited advice, what’s done is done. *laughs*

We are very emotional and excitable friends. 

SH: They are reacting like that because they're invested in you and they love you, if you and they don't want you to be hurting, However, just tread really gently. 

VL: I'm glad that you mentioned at the beginning of this conversation how you know, you weren't looking for a best friend, you weren't looking for a lawyer. you weren't looking for this and that The other thing just wanted someone to be there And in an unbiased way too, because yeah, you're my best friends are always going to pick my side, lay better.

Your family is probably gonna pick your side – maybe.

[28:46] SH: Exactly. Sometimes families don't. That can be really interesting and challenging when your family actually doesn't pick your side and doesn't have your back. So we've talked about family with dad because I find that breakups and separations. Sometimes it's not the partner. 

VL: Sometimes it's a family member, a sibling, a parent, sometimes I have to distance myself from certain family members who love my family.

The boundaries have been crossed with that. So can we talk a little bit about maybe how do we? I don't know if I'd ever cut a family member out of my life, but I do know people who say I've never talked to my sister for 20 years or whatever the case may be so do you do that involve any of your work?

SH: Sometimes sometimes, but I think there are similarities in how we navigate that whether it's a divorce or sibling relationship.

Or any other kind of breakup relationship.

We break up relationships all the time, in different ways, shape or form doesn't have to be an intimate, intimate partner relationship. And I think the way we do the same, you know, if you feel that your boundaries have been transgressed, repeatedly, and you've communicated that back to the person that hey, this is not okay. And they keep pushing. They keep overstepping and they keep transgressing your boundaries and then it is time to break up. And I think it doesn't matter who it is. It can be a sister, cousin, parent.

Yeah, so I do I work with I work with clients for whom that's happening almost as a part of their divorce. There's a lot of judgment as we as as we have already spoken to in this podcast episode. There's a lot of judgment and sometimes that comes from your sister, your mother, your aunt, if you still females, your father, whoever it is that you were judged when we make big life decisions, and oftentimes if you've chosen to leave a relationship or let's say there's been infidelity and other person involved, there's a lot of judgment and that can really impact on the person when navigating. So oftentimes, I'm dealing with that kind of stuff with my clients as well. So it's not only the separation from their partner, it's separation from other other people be their own family, sort of their mother in law's side.

And I think it does come back to shared values, boundaries, communication and respect. and if somebody, whoever it is, is respecting you and your boundaries, you've communicated that clearly and they keep pushing, then it is time to divorce them, whether you're married to them.

[30:53] VL: Yeah, and those are more difficult conversations to have.

SH: Sometimes when it's a relationship that is a little bit removed from that intimate partner marriage relationship. It can, you can potentially I'm gonna use the word avoid I don't really like it. We can avoid having that real discussion because you don't have to live with them. You don't have to unpack a household or a family. You can just gradually distance yourself from that person.

holding your boundaries as sacred and standing in your power and in your energy. You don't always have that confrontational conversation with the hard conversation with yourself. tell them no. And then just gradually disengage.

VL: And I keep thinking as we're talking about all these different kinds of relationships and reactions and feelings that are coming up, it's there's a lot of it is the self awareness of recognizing where we're coming from because sometimes those communication issues are learned experiences or learned stories from our childhood.

without us having our own self awareness how to recognize when we're projecting when we're losing our temporary, whatever the case may be, when we're not paying attention or effectively. So and then knowing that this feeling is coming up for me I'm feeling XYZ and recognizing it and saying This is going to be happy is the boundary what is the boundary if you didn't make the boundary then you don't have but I, I was having a conversation with my partner and I should have asked her permission for this but that's good. And he said, he doesn't feel like I'm appreciative of something that he does. And so I said, How can I show you my appreciation of what will help you see that I'm appreciated?" And he couldn't answer and I said, okay, well, think about it because if you can't answer, what you think appreciation looks like sounds like feels like whatever smells like then I can't show you my gratitude because you don't know how to recognize it. He didn't like that.

He didn't like that very much but he's going to go off and think about but it's true. How will you know that you reached your success? How will you know that you feel loved? How will you know that you've communicated properly if you don't define? It's for you.

SH: I love that you were brave enough to have that conversation. With him. I love that he was brave enough to say to you, I feel he expressed a need that was being unmatched in the relationship. You asked him, How can I meet that need for you? And so the next bit is of course, resolving that conflict, if you like, and defining for yourselves as a couple What that looks like. and if he can't come back, and if he is unable to say, Oh, this would work for me. then it's an opportunity for the two of you to brainstorm. you can say what if I did X things and so finding that resolution.

A lot of relationships break down, because needs aren't being met. 

and a lot of problem is that we're not to express our needs and a lot of the problem is we're not taught to express our needs. We're taught to go silent. We're taught to use passive aggressive tactics. We're taught to get angry, frustrated, Polaris admin to build and then whatever it is that you've been taught. Through your childhood through your family of origin, how, how your needs were met as a child, how they left and met, what you what you saw, demonstrated to you in terms of interpersonal relationships within your family, and your parents behave They're all the stories that we carry. So allowing yourself to feel what you feel being able to name it. I am feeling unappreciated, Not feeling loved.

I'm feeling resentful. Why am I feeling resentful? dropped down into having that self awareness, recognized and nice feeling and they'd go next level Next step and say, well, what is the unmet need here?

How can I then express it to my partner? How can he or she meet me? in that conversation without redefining how they can be?

VL: Being vulnerable The theme of today's podcast is hard conversations. I love it. I will say though, like I wasn't brave enough. in a lot of my relationships. this is probably the first relationship that I've had where I feel.

and part of that has been learning about myself and discovering myself and getting to know and taking myself out And being able to love myself, And I think too with my partner. He's also learning about himself because as we get to know each other's families We're both coming back like, Okay, this fix a lot of sense. Both of us are like, Yeah, so my mom does that kind of weird, but it's really interesting because we can come back to you.

Okay, well let's unpack this a little bit together I'm noticing that this comes from that. I didn't get this as a kid. No one ever taught me this, this emotional intelligence and how to express myself so, you know, my partner.

So I am going to advocate for those hard conversations.

[37:49] SH: So the other thing that I often talk about when I'm talking about healthy relationships, and I want to also say you can have a healthy relationship while you're separating while you're divorcing. 

And of course, that doesn't involve any sort of abuse within the relationship and substance abuse until about an amicable separation, you can have a healthy relationship with each other while it's difficult, but being able to bring that vulnerability and have those hard conversations is important. And another elegant way to start these.

The other element, happy healthy relationships and use as we discussed, you have each other's back you are each other's biggest cheerleader.

And that's why I say you can have a healthy happy relationship while you unravel and pack and separate or divorce. If you still want what is in the best interest what is best for the other person. So yesterday that she later but you also want good things.

And by committing to doing good things for one another, how can I make my partner's day happier today? How can I make my ex partner my co Parents Day? A little easier today? And that might be as simple as sending them a picture if you keep doing something fun and amazing. you don't even have to send a comment, you send a picture. How can I make their life a little easier as we navigate this storm that is our kids.

[39:33] VL: Yeah, that's a very big thing to do and a lot of couples that are presented as possible and I'm sure people can also attest to having helped them and holding their hand through it!

This conversation has been really incredible! I did not know where we were going to go today but I really liked all of it!

Sallyanne, where can we find you? Where can we follow you, how can we support your business?

Website www.reflectcoaching.com.au 

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/reflectcoaching/

LinkedIn  https://www.linkedin.com/in/sallyanne-hartnell-5a5b933a/

Podcast https://www.reflectcoaching.com.au/podcast 

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

SH: I think all time favorite ball would be To Kill a Mockingbird.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

SH: Empowerment to me means that I stand really comfortably in my own power, in my own skin and I can speak my wants, needs, desires.. And I can always speak my truth.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

SH: Going to bed early.

4. What are you currently working toward?

SH: flourish is my word for 2023. so I'm working towards growing flourishing in all areas of my life, including my business, but just really stretching. So I'm working towards a flourishing 2023 hearing.

VL: That's so beautiful. I really, really love that word. Sallyanne thank you so much for being part of the Women's Empowerment Podcast. This has really been amazing. I feel like I've learned so much you've given me a lot to think about. I'm excited for the part two of that conversation I'm going to have with my partner.

And I feel like I actually do have a few more tools for myself but also for the people in my life who are going through separation and I definitely have a contact of who I can share Even this episode as an introduction to to you and amazing things you do so Thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for following the Niger, answering the call to, to do a quick are being so good at it. I'm very excited to see how you flourish.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E229: Making & Breaking Habits: Overcoming Obstacles and Staying on Track

While I always aim to make building better habits, and breaking bad habits fun, I’m not going to sugarcoat the truth. And the truth is, there will be obstacles along your journey to creating your dream life.

There will be times when you question your efforts, when you want to give up, when you misstep or fall into old patterns. However there is another truth I want to share with you – and this is something I tell ALL of my students or clients when they’re learning a new skill: it doesn’t get easier, you get better at it…

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While there are many obstacles that arise when making healthy habits, or breaking bad ones, there are nine I see the most frequently as a Healthy Habit Mentor. I’d love to know, when it comes to creating new habits or breaking old ones, where do you get stuck?

Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife!

Perhaps your obstacles falls into one of these nine common ones, or maybe yours is completely unique! Let’s find out! 

Before we dive into the details, I do want to mention that every single person out there experiences some sort of set back or speed bump when they’re doing something new, making a change in their lives or learning a new skill. And that’s what habit-formation is, it’s a SKILL to be able to craft behaviours. Plus, each one of us is very different, and the habits we want to implement are different too, trial and error is expected in the process.

Being in the business of helping people craft their new behaviours, and empowering women and their lifestyles, I follow and see what other people in the industry are doing. There are a lot of great coaches and creators out there who have the right intentions but they don’t always have the right strategy. 

[02:15] Obstacle #1: Lack of Motivation

People are out there preaching about “motivation” and listen, I want you to feel inspired and motivated also, but this isn’t long-lasting. Typically, motivation is what gets you going, but we learn very quickly that it’s not sustainable.

The chances are if you’re listening to this podcast, or watching this YouTube channel, you already want to make a change – you already want to implement your new behaviours and routines. I feel that it’s safe to assume you’re already motivated to START.

So focus on what is going to keep you in action, and continue to make progress. What is that? It’s YOUR WHY!? It’s your reason for making a change in the first place. WHY do you want to eat healthier? WHY do you want to start your own business? WHY do you want to get 8 hours of sleep every night? WHY do you want to read daily? 

If you’ve ever worked with me before, you’ll know that we always start with your feeling word. I always ask you, how do you want to feel? And the answer to this question becomes the foundation of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because – as I mentioned at the very beginning of this episode – there WILL be obstacles, and our feeling word is what we can anchor into, what we can come back to, even if we can’t or don’t do the habit that day.

For example, you want to feel Peaceful, so you create a daily meditation ritual. The new habit is to meditate every day for 10 minutes. As you’re practicing this habit, you notice there are other moments or scenarios where you feel “peaceful,” such as when you’re taking a shower at the end of the day, or when you’re making your favourite dinner, or reading a great book. And then one day, you don’t have a chance to do your meditation habit BUT you were able to find a moment of peace on your lunch break when you took your lunch outside and sat in the sun while you ate. Missing a day of your habit can really put you off track if you don’t have a solid foundation – however YOU DO Have a strong foundation, and you count the day as a small win for still feeling peaceful.

These smaller steps, or tiny wins can really help you build momentum in your habits. Celebrate each of these wins, and incentivise yourself along your journey.  

How can you celebrate a week-long streak of doing your habit every day? Or how can you treat yourself at the end of the month of being consistent? This helps too!

[05:11] Obstacle #2:Lack of Knowledge

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, everyone – including you – is unique and this also means that there isn’t always a one-size fits all approach to starting healthy habits, or breaking bad ones. Are there proven methods to building habits? Absolutely. Heaps! But not knowing which ones are going to support you can be confusing and frustrating. 

It’s worth it to educate yourself about the healthy habit that you want to start, or the bad habit you want to break. I have an awesome list of book recommendations and their complementing podcast episodes if you want the book report/coles notes version.

If you’re not into reading, that’s okay – I’ve read most of these books already and the podcast episodes are essentially my take and what I thought were the biggest takeaways and key points. We’ve got a lot of awesome podcast episodes here, with tons of valuable teachings.

PLUS! Insider Tip: The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge that I run is being turned into a self-paced course that I am SUPER EXCITED ABOUT. At the time of this podcast publishing it is not ready YET but it will be out in May 2023, so if you’re stumbling upon this episode after that, you can access the course which has mirco lessons (1-2 minute lessons) that help you develop the skills to create a new habit. This will be available at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

[06:55] Obstacle #3 Lack of Support

I’m incredibly excited about this new version of the Healthy Habits Challenge because it allows you to receive the support you need ANYTIME, not just when the challenge is running. Speaking of support. Another common obstacle for breaking bad habits or making new habits is Lack of support.

It can be challenging to make changes without support from family, friends, or a community. I’ve experienced it myself many times. You outgrow friends and partners. You want different things and a lot of the time when you’re improving yourself, and the people around you aren’t interested in that, sometimes they want to keep you down. They want to hold you back from that growth because they just are NOT ready for that. And straight up, that sucks. It can make the process feel harder and I would definitely encourage investing in a coach, or finding a new community to connect with. 

That’s not always the case though. A lot of the women I’ve worked with have said that being able to share their goals with their partner, friends, and family has helped them in staying accountable and getting extra encouragement and support from their community. It’s worth mentioning your goals to your people, you might inspire them to make their own healthy changes.

[08:24] Obstacle #4: Stress

One of the main reasons why we have bad habits is because they’ve been birthed out of the need to respond to stress. For instance, biting nails, doom scrolling socials, eating a lot of sugar, etc. I’m sure you can list a few examples of how you’ve coped with stress in the past – or perhaps in the present?

When I asked the audience, “when it comes to your habits, where do you get stuck?” One of our community members, Emilia, replied, “When stress pulls me back into bad habits - especially the thought ‘I deserve this fun thing.’”

There is SO MUCH to unpack in this one sentence, and if you can relate to Emilia, I highly recommend booking a Clarity Call with me to clarify your next steps. Go to valerielavignelife.com/clarity to schedule that.

But I do want to highlight something from what Emilia shared, and it’s this dual relationship with the “bad habit” that keeps us stuck in a vicious cycle. From working with Emilia, I know that the “fun thing” she’s referring to is sugar! Emilia wants to eat less sugar, this is her “bad habit” but the problem is that she also thinks of sugar as a “fun thing” and our minds think fun = good. So there is this duality of fun and bad, and she is trapped in this cycle of breaking a bad habit, but deserving fun. Which, undoubtedly causes more stress.

If you are someone who can recognize the stress in your life, mind, and body, then I would encourage you to consider practices and rituals that help with stress-management. Especially tiny habits that you can do daily. For example: taking three (or more) mindful breaths every morning and every night, having a designated no tech time, going outside for some fresh air and sunshine, going to bed at the same time every night, daily movement etc. 

The problem with stress is that we’re always going to have some sort of stress in our lives, and if we don’t address it, our physical body will start responding to it and eventually the body will MAKE US have to pay attention to it.

[11:42] Obstacle #5: Fear of Failure

Some of the women I work with are entrepreneurs and business owners. These women are incredibly talented leaders and yet they often come up against a common barrier: the fear of failure.

While I tend to witness this with women who are earlier in their business, as we elevate, we have new barriers to overcome, and they often have this same underlying fear.

Heck, I’ve been there! I have definitely held myself back because I didn’t want to fail or fall flat on my face. And as someone who has blazed a few trails, I can tell you that I have definitely tripped, fallen, and made mistakes. But I always get back up. And now, not always, but sometimes I do feel excited to leap and trip and get back up. 

There are two quotes I think of when a client is struggling with this obstacle and they’re completely frozen in the fear of failure. The first quote is, “But what if I fall? Oh my darling, but what if you fly?” It's almost like I can feel the wind under my wings when I’m reminded of this quote. Like new life has been breathed into me!

The other quote is by Henry Ford who said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” And when I hear that quote, I think to myself: well I better shift my mindset to I CAN then. I think of all the times I’ve worked with people who said “I can’t do that” but HOW DO YOU KNOW? How do you know unless you try? Don’t let anyone hold you back ESPECIALLY NOT YOURSELF!

The likelihood of your habit becoming automatic overnight is low. Remember that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of the process, and we can learn from our failures along the way. Track your tiny habits and watch how your progress (even if it’s small), helps to keep the wind in your sails, and help build your momentum. 

But you’ve got to start. Just start.

[14:06] Obstacle #6: Lack of Time 

And before you say “I don’t have time” – I know. I’ve heard it before, and I’ve said it before. The truth is we DO have time, we aren’t prioritizing that time well. 

This obstacle reminds me of another quote or parable that goes: “Everyone should meditate for two minutes a day. If you don’t have two minutes, then you should meditate for two hours.” hahaha makes me giggle. What a slap in the face. 

What gets scheduled, is what gets done. If you want to change your behaviours, put them into your calendar. Make them part of your routine, yes even the two-minute rituals. If they’re not fitting into your life, how do you expect to do them? How do you expect to achieve results?

[15:17] Obstacle #7: Temptations + Triggers

The struggle is real when it comes to breaking bad habits, because once a habit has been formed, it’s unlikely to be forgotten. When it comes to the obstacle of temptation, it’s easier to avoid temptation than to resist it. SO… what is the temptation of the bad habit, and how can you avoid it? 

Are you working on breaking your no sugar after dinner habit? How can you mix up your evening routine so that your ice cream is invisible? Here’s a pro tip: your ice cream might be tucked away in the basement freezer now, but what about the cue or trigger that tells you “it’s time for ice cream!”? Does sitting on the couch to watch a show prompt you to get out the ice cream scooper? What behaviours can you change that are related to the CUE of the habit you’re trying to break? Start there.

[16:16] Obstacle #8: Lack of Consistency

When I asked our instagram community what their biggest struggle was with making and breaking habits, Candice admitted that consistency – or lack thereof – was where she struggled most.

Consistency is an essential part of habit-formation, especially when you’re starting something new. With inconsistency, it can be tough to see the progress you’re making and the momentum is a lot slower without consistency. 

This obstacle is where I encourage my clients to pull out all the bells and whistles – literally. Set timers, alarms, reminders, triggers, and cues in your environment to prompt your new habit/behaviour. 

Mark the calendar, or tracker every time you complete the action. Ramp up check-ins with your accountability partner, hire a coach, build out an attainable plan, and/or scale back before you grow the habit. 

The go-big-or-go-home method is trash, and tiny steps forward over time will bring you closer to your goals faster. Take it from a Healthy Habit Mentor, no one goes big and makes it to the finish line, you’ve got to start small and then allow the habit to grow or multiply. 

[17:36] Obstacle #9: Unrealistic Expectations

Speaking of going big or going home, this actually brings me to the last obstacle I want to share which is, unrealistic expectations.

I see this the most with clients who set out for big goals and new behaviours. Like reading 10 pages a day, or waking up 2 hours earlier than they do now, or writing a book by next week.

These unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, making it more challenging to stick to healthy habits or break bad ones. It’s a vicious cycle of going around and around without learning the lessons. We can’t keep doing the same things over and over again and expect a different result. Some would call that insanity.

So what can we do? 

• Set realistic goals and expectations

• Remember that change takes time, and that there will be ups and downs throughout the journey

• Celebrate the progress after each step, and along the way

• Build the foundation of your new behaviours, routines, and rituals and grow them from there

Another community member, Jana, shared “I want the instant results! And if I’m not getting them, I’m over it.” When I’m working with a client who feels this same way, we scale back BIG TIME. We make the habit as tiny as possible and we really highlight the celebration/reward at the end of that tiny habit. Completing small actions, and achieving these small wins over and over again is going to level-up Jana’s confidence and we can really build our habit from there making the goal bigger as our confidence and ability grow.

Which of these obstacles really hit home for you? How will you show up for yourself in your new habits, or how will you overcome the obstacles of your bad habits?

Let me know in the comments of this YouTube video, or share with me in a DM on instagram @vallavignelife

If you love this show, please subscribe wherever you’re consuming, and let’s do this again next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E228: Women & Wealth: Creating a Holistic Financial Plan in your 20s, 30s and 40s with Lisa-Marie Winning

Lisa-Marie & her team specialize in holistic financial planning for those planning for retirement, those who are recently retired and those who have a growing business. They take a tailored approach with each client to develop a plan that is built specifically for them…

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Valerie LaVigne: Lisa-Marie and her team specialize in holistic financial planning for those planning retirement. Those who are recently retired and those who have a growing business. They take a tailored approach with each client to develop a plan that is built specifically for them. Join me in welcoming Lisa-Marie Winning to the show.

 Welcome back to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce this special guest of our podcast today. This is Lisa Marie winning of Winning and Associates, and we are talking all about wealth today. So thank you, Lisa Marie, thank you so much for being here. This has been a long overdue conversation, but hey, we're finally doing.

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I am so excited to be here. I have always hoped that you had asked me to be on this, so I feel very special and very welcome today.  I love it. I feel like everything in its divine timing. Why don't we start with a little bit about who you are and what you do, and who you serve.

 I am a holistic financial planner, and what that means is I help individuals, I help families, and I help business owners put together a roadmap that outlines and help. I help them to define what their goals are that. Like the timeframes that they want to achieve those goals in. And then I take a look at the big picture, the way that, you know, they earn their income what their habits are you know, the, the milestone moments that they have ahead.

And, and I put together a written plan, like a roadmap for them that outlines the very best way for them to work towards achieving their goals. And I think, you know, what is most important about that type of planning? It's important to remember, it's very dynamic. Our lives change and our, you know, our goals change, our families change, they grow.

And so a holistic financial plan is a dynamic document. So my, my job is to, you know, essentially be in a relationship with my clients and be there with them to constantly, you know, assist in updating that plan as they move through their life.

Valerie LaVigne:  I love that. And full disclosure, Lisa Marie is my financial advisor, and I really do feel comfortable talking about all of this with you.

I feel like you do listen and there is this hand holding and there's this reassurance, but there's also this excitement for. What I wanna do with my goals or how I wanna see my future, and you make it feel possible to get there even when it feels really far away. So I just wanted to acknowledge you for that because I really appreciate that in our relationship.

And I know that oftentimes money can be this taboo conversation. And so I really admire the this holistic financial plan or this holistic approach to the finances and how you do that. And. Can you tell us a little bit more, like maybe break down that dynamicism, is that a word? The dynamics of your holistic financial plan?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Well, I think you made a very good point and, and I would say it's cultural. Like in Canada talking about money has always been taboo. If you go back, you know, generations, it's, we were always taught not, not to talk about money, not to ask about money is very private and I think what happens is it. It becomes part of your nature.

And so it translates to being afraid to ask questions or feeling like you haven't done all the right things yet. So you might be judged if you reach out and, and, you know, try to seek advice. So it, it's, maybe that's where I'd like to start and just to say like, think. It's, we have to change that.

That's, we have to unwind that culture and we have to make it a comfortable environment. We have to make people, you know, look forward to those types of conversations and learning and improving financial literacy, because the earlier you do that and the, the more comfortable you are being open and working with, you know, with professionals.

Professional advice. I can tell you I see it. It's those clients, the earlier they start and the more that they wanna learn. And most important. To be able to be open to taking advice. They're the ones that get, that, achieve those goals on track. They, they are further ahead when I look at them 10 years later, 15 years later.

And so I think that, you know, I always open my conversations up with, with new clients to say, let's just talk. Let's get to know each other. Let's take all the guards down and it's full transparency and let them. Anything they want, they wanna know about me personally, they wanna understand what the process looks like, what does it cost?

Let's, let's get it all out on the open in that  first conversation. And then it's. Really the, the end of it, the feedback I get is, ugh, I'm so relieved and I'm so excited because it's kind of taken all that pressure and that anxiety and removed it and, you know, created this, this environment to be able to move forward and achieve really exciting things.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah, I think you made a lot of great points with people being. I think the nervousness or the resistance comes from not knowing and not having that information and not having that financial literacy. And so when we don't know about something, we start to fill in the gaps with what we think or what we've heard or, you know, just make up a story and, and really you're just getting tied up with the fears of it.

So I guess one of my questions for you is what are some of those common misconceptions that we can maybe. Say that they're myths or how can we rewrite the, that mental block or that mindset block of it?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Well, definitely I would say there is a financial advisor or financial planner out there for everyone.

There are advisors who love working with. Young individuals, young entrepreneurs you know, people who are maybe close in age to those younger advisors. And I think that's important to remember is like you wanna work with somebody who has had. Similar experiences to you who has kind of, that is going to grow with you?

And so, you know, one of the biggest misconceptions is I don't have any money yet. And so I should just avoid seeking advice altogether until I have some, and I, I disagree. I think that, It's just a matter of finding the right advisor who specializes in working with individuals who are, you know, excited to start that process.

You know, for us where, where we have those types of relationships in our practice are with our, our clients' children. They're coming of age, they're graduating, and you know, It's, they, maybe they don't wanna take advice from their parents because they're still, you know, that the family dynamic still exists.

And so, you know, I have someone on our team that specializes, he's younger than me. He's, you know, on, you know, just started a young family but has all the credentials and the experience to be able to work with. With younger people and they feel comfortable with him because they can relate. And so that would be  misconception number one is thinking.

It's not the right time to start. There's nobody ever that has ever looked back and said, Ugh, I started way too early. That's, you know, and I think you and I talk about that too, is, you know, you were really young when we started to work together, but we had like this milestone conversation about a big goal that you had that you achieved way earlier than.

We initially planned. And, and that's, I think that's a testament to setting your goals, sharing them with someone, and creating good habits to be able to, you know, expedite the, the, the path to achieve them.

Valerie LaVigne:  Totally. I have like a little bit teary-eyed because it's so true. I know. I'm like, what? We're talking about money and I'm getting emotional.

It's so true. Like I didn't even realize how young I was. I was just a baby and. It was really scary, but like I didn't have anyone to really talk to and I def, I certainly wasn't gonna be talking to my parents about it. But yeah, that's really cool. And even just to look back now and think like, oh my gosh, yeah, I did take that leap.

And even though it was scary and I remember that conversation with you was super intimidating, but it was also really helpful. And I mean, look where we are now, right? And, and. Definitely reaching those goals. It feels so good and to know that there is a plan and there is a path, and there are things I can do today to help me for that tomorrow.

I love that. I love what you said. I'm like, no one said, oh, I, I started too early.  

Lisa-Marie Winning:Exactly.  

Valerie LaVigne: Of course stuff no one says. Yeah, I mean, that's a huge misconception. I feel like that's a great way to start is just go in. You know, meet different people in the, the industry and see who you connect with and start from there.

When it comes to those, maybe it's not misconceptions, but maybe it's more like mistakes or you know, things we wish we did differently as women. When it comes to money management, when it comes to financial decisions, what are some of the things you see maybe like over the decade, so beyond twenties and beyond?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  So this is a very interesting one,  this is my 27th year in my profession, so I have almost three decades to be able to go back and look at the evolution. And what I can tell you is that right off the bat, my, my top 10 biggest clients, a disproportionate number of them are female. And I think that's really interesting because 30 years ago or 27 years ago, that was not the case at all.

And so I think what I'd like to see more of, now that I know that that's, and, and that's, that's a, that's happening in our society, right? Over 80% of households, the female is the primary decision maker. Not to say that they're the so decision maker, but they're you. They're actively involved in doing a lot of the research and have taken on that role and that responsibility within a household.

So I would say for younger women you know, I'd like to see that, you know, you wanna, you wanna see them kind of follow that same path. So I would say one of the biggest mistakes is not getting involved. So even though when I look at, you know, my, those, those females I was chatting with, now I. If they are a business owner or if they are in a partnership the other person is in, has been involved.

But you know, the, and, and part of the process. But generally speaking, there's somebody who takes them more interest in it. The one that responds, sets the meetings, does the follow up. So I would say if you are in a relationship or you're in a partnership, like getting involved, being aware, feeling comfortable, maybe you're not the driver, but you know, you want to be able to work with somebody who you feel that at any moment you can pick up the phone and ask a question that you feel comfortable in the room, that you're included in the conversation, included in the process.

And then once you've done that and you've established that relationship and there's a good fit, you don't have to be. Like I said, you don't have to be the lead in that, in that relationship with your advisor, but it's important that from the very beginning you are part of that process. I never if I'm working with a couple, I would never go through the process of putting a financial plan together unless both parties were there because those, those individuals.

They're, they're not making, that, they're not, they're not individuals when those decisions are going to be executed. And when they're gonna reach those milestone moments, they're doing that together. And so if one person's beliefs and views and kind of thought process on how something should go, if they're the one that's driving like the, the financial plan and the other person's not present.

It never works out. We ultimately have to kind of reconvene, start all over again and build something that's con conducive to the both of them. Once that plan's in place. It's really simple. There's, it's not time consuming after we've done that. So I would say that's, that's something that I, I really strongly encourage is make sure that you're involved in the very beginning, even though you might not be interested or be the kinda leader in, in in that relat.

And I say relationship, not in like the couple relationship in the relationship with the advisor.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love that. It's a great, it's a great place like we were saying to start, but then also to move forward from there. Now when  I think of where I was when we met, There was student debt, there was maybe a lack of clarity.

And then now kind of moving into my thirties, now I have different goals and, you know, I have a little bit more of a plan in place. I've reached some of the, the past goals I am now building on top of those. My question is for people who are either still in debt or trying to save for their future, while building a family, while trying to buy a home, how is, how can we manage all these things?

How can we do it all where we're thinking of our present, focusing on the present, the future, and then also maybe dealing with the past as well?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: That's a really good question, and it's actually so timely to be able to talk about this because I think the most important answer to that is, It's not a one size fits all answer, and it's not a one answer for all of time.

So three years ago when we were at historically low interest rates And low inflation. I would say that was an opportune time and we've had, that was, you know, long stretch of, you know, low interest rates, low inflation, strong markets a good labor market, so lots of job security that, that was a, we experienced that for a very long time in Canada.

That's the type of timing where you really can tick a lot of box. You can pay down debt you can have money left over for savings. You can manage your cash flow effectively. And so in an environment like that, I'm gonna help someone kind of look at all the, you know, all those boxes and say, okay, if we're working with X number of dollars each month, here's how we should allocate.

And you, you can't accomplish more in the, in that type of environment. But here we are sitting, you know, the first quarter of 2023. We, you know, although inflation is steadily declining, it's still very high relative to where it has been, which. As a result of the some of the measures that were put in place to look after people during the, the pandemic.

Interest rates are, you know, much higher than we've seen in many people's lifetime. Not everyone, but some of the younger people that are gonna be listening to this definitely haven't lived through interest rates at the levels that they're at right now. And again, that's, you know, kind of unwinding some of the support that was in place for 2020, 2021.

That's where you really have to go back and revisit that, you know how that pie is allocated. And so if you have that same, you know, amount of money each month, I'm now changing the recommendation as to how to distribute it. Because let's say it was, if you, you know, want to focus on paying down debt and saving too, like really simple, like I'm, I'm oversimplifying it now.

We may have split. Those dollars up equally three years ago. But for the time being for 2022, 2023, and probably into 2024, I'm going to wanna shift more dollars towards debt reduction if that debt is tied to floating interest rates, or if you've taken on debt since interest rates have been higher.

Because if you don't make that adjustment, you're probably not like most of that money. It's just going towards interest and it's almost wasted. You're not paying down the principles. So I think it's important, and I came back to that point about it being dynamic. Your environment that you're in is going to, you know, dictate some of the decisions that have to be made.

So you can't just have a set it in, forget it approach. You really have to have, you know, circle back when your advisor reaches out for that meeting. Take the meeting, have the conversation and you know, you know, take the advice and make those tweaks because you will be further ahead and. I expect we'll see interest rates at the end of 2024, much lower than they are now again.

So that's when I'm gonna reach out to those clients, say, let's come back to the table and let's realign our goals and how we're making those allocations. And, and you know, if you do that, you, when we look at the outcome by making those adjustments over time we're gonna be further ahead when things normalize.

 Valerie LaVigne: Hmm. So interesting, and this is one of the reasons why I love that we have this relationship because I don't know anything about all of this changing stuff that's happening, so I'm so glad that you can reach out to me.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: But that's why having an advisor like advice, right?  You know, when I need legal advice, I don't just go online and try to come up with that myself.

There are people who are professionals educated, who have the, you know, gone to school. Of course, I'm gonna reach out and have, you know, and seek that advice and, you know, I will be better off in the long run. It's no different when it comes to financial planning. And it's unfortunate because that's, this is one of the topics that I feel like everybody feels.

There's always an expert somewhere that is almost like a self-made expert or you get little glimpses of like commercials on television and they're eyecatching and we spend a lot of time when we're bringing clients into the practice, almost unwinding some of those bad habits or unwinding a lot of those misconceptions that you get in those like headlines or like tidbits of information.

And kind of going back to the basics and, and, you know, reeducating so that they feel comfortable. Taking that advice and making those adjustments.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. I see this all the time on Instagram and TikTok, where it's like, you know this really enthusiastic person behind the camera explaining how you need to do this or you need to do that and the market is changing and this is this, but then I also don't even know where this person is located.

Is this relevant to the market that I'm in or the market that I'm investing in? I don't know. And it was a 15 second video. How much can you really understand? And there's no opportunity to ask questions or open to dialogue. So really having. An actual expert to talk to is really helpful. And some of the things you mentioned make me think of, you know, different milestones in our lives.

So speaking to that holistic financial plan, you know, when are we drawing up that plan? How often are we revisiting it? Maybe it's the market, but are there other times in our life when we wanna be doing that?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Yes, definitely. So I'll start by. And I'm, I hope that this continues to improve. But right now most people have this like aha moment or like a light bulb goes off.

And I would say I was to categories that I would say like between 35 and 45. And they wake up one day and they have a job and they maybe have some savings programs through their employer and maybe they put some money aside because they were. Like open an account online, you know, maybe they're in a relationship or maybe they're married, or maybe they've had a child and they all of a sudden wake up and say, oh my gosh, like I, I, I've done some stuff.

I've ticked some of those boxes, but I don't know if I've made all the right decisions. So right now I'm seeing it, it's kind of in that 10 year age bracket. Again, I hope that to, to our point that earlier that you start this, the better. But those, there's a lot of milestones that happen in your thirties and forties.

And so your plan, you know, the plan that you built so that we built together, your life circumstances look very different now than they did then. And so we, you know, we review that plan every single year and in a lot of cases, It is status quo and maybe some tax laws have changed, or you know, maybe some things happen with a job and there's a little bit more cash flow, and so we make some minor tweaks, but the major milestones as you're moving through your thirties and your forties and your fifties really have to do with your job or your business if you're a business owner and how that's growing.

And whether or not we need to, you know, look at the structure of your business or how you're paying yourself. And then from a family perspective, it's are you entering into a relationship? Are you co-mingling assets with someone else? Are you having children or adopting children? And what are your goals?

For your family. And so those, you know, there's like a kind of 20, 25 year period where the material changes are at their highest. That's when you're kind of moving and shaking and, and you've got people to, that you're caring for and looking after. So I would say that I see a lot of material changes being required.

Annually when we update those plans during that time period. And then it does, it does slow down a little bit because we've been kind of ramping up, you know, with take care of children, educate children, get ready for retirement, and then you kind of get to this place where, you know, children are taken care of.

You've probably got five to 10 years left of your max income earning potential, where we're really focusing on just that one goal, which is retirement. And then you get there, you get to enjoy it, you get to. Become a spender again. You've accumulated and now you get to spend, and then you kind of transition into another stage where you might be a caregiver again, aging parents.

And so there's some lulls where I would say there's not that many material changes and it's just minor tweaks here and there, but there are some kind of peaks where it is important. To stay on top of this, to not put that financial plan in a drawer, so to speak. They're, they're digital obviously now, but you know, you, you gotta work it and you gotta work that plan and it, and, you know, ensure that it stays on pace with the way that your life is evolving.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah, absolutely. And again, I just like, I keep listening and thinking, oh my God, thank God I have you in my life, because it's not my area of expertise. Although that the one year mark goes by really quickly, the milestone comes up really fast, like, I'm already 32. And again, I just, I didn't even realize how long ago it was that we met, that we were having that original conversation and how much has changed and 10 years seems like a long time, and then it doesn't at the same time.

It goes by actually really quickly. So yeah, that's, it's powerful and it's really important information and I'm really glad that we're, we're having this conversation. So thank you so much for all this incredible knowledge. Is there anything. Hasn't been said today that you really wanna share?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I just, I think I, if I was to leave you with one thing, I would say start, start today.

Ask for help. You know, we get this question all the time you know, and, and I often some, like sometimes it's not the right fit. I might not be the right fit or it might not be the right fit, but I can find you the right fit. I can, I can, you know, connect you with somebody that is, you know, the type of planner that, that will help you get started.

But start. It's, no, it's not different than going to the gym or, you know, getting on, you know, healthy habits or a good eating plan. The sooner you start, the sooner your, you will see results and then it's just momentum and that takes over and that's so powerful.  

Valerie LaVigne: Mm-hmm. I love that. It's so true. I, I joke and I tell people the best time to start a new habit was yesterday, but the second best time is today.

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Oh, I love that. To do it. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna take that one. I hope you don't mind.

Valerie LaVigne:  Yeah. Just switch. Just switch the wording to financial planning. I love it. Yep. Okay. Before our final segment of the show, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  well you can find me on my website.

There's lots of information there about getting started and there's some there's some education on there too. And so it's winningandassociates.ca or you can find us on Instagram. And I have to thank you for that. You kind of helped to get us started and you're so great when it comes to that.

So we're @winningandassociates on Instagram.

Valerie LaVigne: Awesome. I'm gonna link to these in the show notes page for your episode, which will be available at valerielavignelife.com/lisa-marie. Okay. Rapid fire round. I'm gonna ask you four questions. Are you ready?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  I am ready. This, I did not get these in advance.  

Valerie LaVigne: No, nobody gets them in advance.

 Lisa-Marie Winning: Oh, okay.  

Valerie LaVigne: So the first question is, what are you currently reading or what is your favourite.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Okay, so I'm an avid reader. I read a lot for work, and so when I read, I read for pleasure. I love beach reads. I love suspense. So I love Ellen Hildebrand books. I've read every single one, and I'm patiently waiting for the next one to launch, and I think it's coming out in June.

Valerie LaVigne:  Okay, cool. I'm gonna, I'm gonna link to this author in the, the show notes as well. Question number two is, what does empowerment mean to you?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Freedom. And that's, it's freedom to make choices freedom to help others, freedom to change your mind. It's, that's such a powerful word. And I feel like if, you know, because of the type of work that we do, if I can, you know, help empower someone to have that type of freedom, to be able to make choices in their life, that that's, that means success to.

Valerie LaVigne:  I love that answer. That's fun. Question number three is, what is your longest standing habit?  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Well, I, oh my gosh, my longest standing habit. I love fit. I, I do love fitness. And so maybe, I guess Pilates might be, I'm a, I'm an avid Peloton person now. I bike in the tread and I love it. And it's part of my daily routine.

But I would say that Pilates, I think I'm 16 or 17 years of a really avid reformer Pilates student. And how could we not talk about exhale for a minute? So that's, and that's how we met. Right. So it really has impacted my life in so many amazing ways, but that would be it.  

Valerie LaVigne: Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

Lisa-Marie and I met at Exhale Pilates. Years ago, almost 10 years ago, I think. Yeah. So you've actually been doing Pilates longer than I have. Mm-hmm. Which is hilarious. But yeah, that's where we met and then the just evolved from there. I feel like we need a second episode about exhale.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Oh, I definitely, yeah.

 Valerie LaVigne: Yeah. We should do that one. Okay. Final question. What are you currently working towards?

Lisa-Marie Winning:  Well right now I am almost finished an executive program at Wharton. Wharton is a business school that's tied to the University of Pennsylvania. It's like, for those of you who don't know, and I'm really proud about this, so I'm gonna brag for a minute, but Wharton would be like the same like.

Caliber is like Harvard Business School or Yale Business School. So I am almost finished a program in like investor psychology and just behavioral trends in the industry and, and understanding how people make decisions, understanding family dynamics and, you know, it's really meant to. Generations of family you know, handle their wealth and educate their kids and protect that wealth.

So I'm, I'm really lucky to have have had the opportunity to be in this program. And I have one more kind of major milestone to go, and then I will be posting all about it.  

Valerie LaVigne: Congratulations. That's so exciting. I had no idea.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Thank you.

Valerie LaVigne:  That's awesome. Well, thank you again for being on the show. Like I said, it was long overdue, but I'm glad that we're having this conversation now.

It feels very irrelevant. It feels very empowering, and I hope that the listener will take away this this conversation as something to take action on and to start, even if they're 20, 30, 40, 50, wherever they're heading, believe is just get started in, in. Momentum building and that financial plan building.

So again, thank you so much. This has been incredibly valuable. I've learned a lot and I feel excited for what's next. And I'm so thrilled that you could be here and that I get to work with you. So thank you.  

Lisa-Marie Winning: Thank you. I appreciate having been invited and this was a great chat. I really had fun.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E227: Top Wellness Trends of 2023

As we enter a new era of health and well-being, we've seen a surge in innovative practices and techniques that promote physical, mental, and emotional wellness. From mushroom stacking to mindful drinking, the options for enhancing our health seem endless. Join us as we dive into the latest trends and insights on how to live a healthier, happier life…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne.

If you’re new to the show, it is so wonderful to have you with us today, and if you’ve been listening for a while, thank you so much for joining again for another episode. 

As you may already know, this is a podcast all about health, wealth, and happiness! Because I believe that empowering our lives truly begins with our tiny habits, routines, and rituals that really are the seeds, and the small steps to helping us GROW and EXPAND and LEVEL-UP our transformation!

In today’s episode we are exploring the top wellness trends of the year! Whether you're a wellness enthusiast or just starting your journey, this episode is packed with valuable information and expert advice.

Let's explore the top wellness trends of the year together!

[01:28] No.1 Cold Water Therapy

I debated on adding this “trend” to the list because I feel like the trend was bigger last year, HOWEVER just in the last few weeks I’ve noticed a lot more people in my health and wellness network getting into it more and more.

You might have even heard a past episode all about this with our special guest Ashely Orr.

Episode 151: Creating Lasting Change Through Cold Therapy with Ashely Orr

Cold Water Therapy, also known as cold immersion therapy or cold hydrotherapy, is the practice of using cold water to treat certain health conditions or activate health benefits. The water is typically around 15*C or 59*F – but I can tell you first hand that I’ve done it in much colder temperatures!

While the practice itself has been around for several years, there definitely seems to be an increasing trend in ice baths, cold showers, and cold water immersion therapy.

Some of the many incredible health benefits include: helping to reduce muscle soreness, cool you down after exercise, improve your immune system, and metabolism, and even boost your mood!

In my own experience it’s helped me be more resilient and push myself a little harder in other areas of life such as my weight training workouts. I’ve also found it helps with improving my sleep and definitely my mood. 

An article I found that goes deeper into the other health benefits of cold therapy here

[03:48] 2023 Wellness Trend No.2 Mushroom Stacking

I’m noticing this more and more as a big buzzword this year, the term was originally coined by mycologist Paul Stamets – from the Netflix Series Fantastic Fungi – it’s all about combining medicinal mushrooms with other adaptogens and antioxidants to enhance their benefits.

There is more awareness around the power of mushrooms, which is increasing the number of people looking at how to consume functional mushrooms to support aspects of health like sleep, immunity, memory, energy, skin, performance, libido, stress, and more.

Here are some of the mushrooms we’re seeing more of and their known benefits:

Turkey Tail: immunity, liver and gut health

Chaga: immunity, energy, skin

Lion’s Mane: focus, memory, digestion

Reishi: destress, calm, immunity, sleep

Cordyceps: energy, physical performance, endurance 

I have taken/tried a few of these mushrooms, on their own and also in combination. I don’t know if I noticed a CRAZY difference in my health, but it certainly didn’t make me feel worse. My brother actually harvests Chaga and I do enjoy a warm cup of chaga.

Because of this growing trend, you’ll probably see a lot more powders, tinctures, and blends of these mushrooms. It’s worth looking into the quality and sourcing of the product before purchasing/consuming!

[05:23] Our third wellness trend of the year is No.3 Micro Workouts // Incidental Exercise

When I was first reading/learning about these I thought it was kind of funny. BUT then I rolled my eyes at myself and was like DUH! This is a fantastic IDEA!

Micro workouts are things like one-minute dances or fitness challenges you see popping up on Instagram or TikTok. It might seem like one-minute of jumping jacks, or a quick set up push ups is meaningless, but that’s the beauty of this trend!

It’s so bite-sized and easy to do, that people are ACTUALLY doing it! AND it’s becoming a habit in people’s everyday lives! I know people who have started a habit like doing two push-ups after going to the bathroom and now can do several push-ups no problem. Or someone who did a chin up every time they walked under their chin up bar to their bedroom. From one chin up every time they crossed this door frame, to many, MANY chin ups over time.

I feel like I laughed at this because I forget that for a lot of people, fitness is not part of their everyday lives and I should know better considering I am a Healthy Habit Coach for goodness sakes! And funnily enough I have totally done this before when I was first learning about fitness and working out back in high school. I used to do these little micro workouts!

Now, I also wrote “Incidental Exercise.” At first I thought of this as something that happened unknowingly, however it can be intentional. An example of incidental exercise would be parking your car at the far end of the parking lot so that you have to walk further to get to the entrance of the mall, thus helping you reach more steps/get more exercise/movement in your day.

In the modern world we are surrounded by conveniences – so much so that “sitting is the new smoking.” As a pilates instructor I see it ALL the time. Our posture, our mobility, our alignment… it’s lacking. Almost every person who comes into the studio leaves feeling more energized and more mobile than when they came in. And yet even with all these conveniences… we somehow are busier than ever in life and “who has time for a daily workout?” 

For the sake of our topic today, I’m not going to go too deep into the whole time management and priorities debate – but I will say that incidental exercise could be the solution to the “lack of time” excuse/problem. Take more trips in with your groceries to get your heart rate up and your legs moving more. Walk to the mailbox instead of driving by it on your way home from work. What are some of the ways you can think of getting micro workouts, or cheeky exercises into your day? I’d love to hear more in the comments of the youtube video for this episode! .

[08:49] Now it might be because I’ve been in the health and wellness industry for a very long time, but some of these trends don’t seem AS knew to me, like No.4 The Gut-Brain Connection

There is SO MUCH research being shared about how important the role of our gut and microbiome plays on our mental, emotional, and physical health. I’ve got to say my life changed when I read the book Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ

I loved this book so much! And it truly gave me this deeper awareness of how our gut and our brain have a direct connection on eachother. For example, the thought of eating can release the stomach’s juices even before the food gets there. And the research is now showing that this communication goes BOTH WAYS. To the point where good gut health and microbiota (bacterial population that lives in the intestine), can help regulate brain activity and calm anxiety [source]

Pretty cool eh!? Many scientists are calling the Gut “Our First Brain” and not just our second brain. If you’re interested in learning more I highly recommend the Gut book I mentioned. It’s informative and fun considering the topic ahahaha. 

I’m pretty stoked about this next trend because I got really into it maybe 2 or 3 years ago

[10:17] 2023 Wellness Trend No.5 Sleep Syncing 

This is a practice of adjusting your sleep cycle to the rhythms of nature and aligning it with your circadian rhythm. I stumbled upon “Chronotypes” defined by Google as: a person’s natural inclination with regard to the times of day when they prefer to sleep or when they are most alert or energetic, during the pandemic and I learned about how my chronotype was described as the “BEAR” versus the WOLF, LION, or DOLPHIN. 

And yes, my friend, I even read a very interesting book about this topic, called The Power of When: Discover Your Chronotype

The chronology really goes into specifics for basically every hour of the day, but the focus of the trend is on sleep. When we are able to sync our sleep with our chronotype, it gives us our optimal sleep schedule which affects our energy, digestion, alertness, hormones, and other aspects of our health.

I was excited to share this trend, because even my OURA ring is talking about chronotypes specifically to sleep and shares my report every morning of when the midpoint of my sleep was. The closer I can get to this midpoint, the more I am aligned with my chronotype. 

You don’t need an OURA ring to do this practice, but if you DID want an OURA ring, I have a $40-$50 coupon code depending on when you’re watching/listening to this.

Now without the ring, the goal is to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day/night. Obviously that’s not possible EVERY night or day, but you can definitely aim to get to bed and wake up within an hour daily. For example, if you wake up at 6:30 am on weekdays, your chronology will encourage you to get up no later than 7:30 am on weekends. Sleeping in for longer can mess with your circadian rhythm. I’m not saying never sleep in, but I am saying stay as consistent with your bedtime and wake up times. 

Of all the trends I’m sharing with you today, this is the only one I haven’t done – YET!

[13:06] 2023 Wellness Trend No.6 Mouth Taping

The first time I heard of this was from a recent podcast guest and break-work practitioner Eliza Butler. I don’t think we talked specifically about mouth taping in the episode, but we did talk about the power of breath-work and the importance of breathing through the nose.

E205: Simple Rituals for Centring and Safety with Integrative Psychotherapist & Breathwork Educator Eliza Butler

So yes, Mouth Taping is literally taping your mouth shut… at night! I did one of those cartoon head shakes the first time I heard of and and blurted out “WHAT!?”

The reason for this practice is so that you are forcing yourself to breathe through your nose at night. Breathing through your nose, especially during sleep, has many health benefits including: humidifying the nasal passages, decreased dental issues (cavities, gum disease), and improved snoring/severity of sleep apnea.

I feel like now is a good time to remind you that if there are any uncertainties you have about the trends I’m sharing, please know that they’re not all for everyone, and perhaps you would like to consult your holistic health care practitioner for more advice based on your specific needs.

On that note, I think I’ll try this in a nap first with my boyfriend awake near me just in case something goes wrong. 

Moving on. Our 2023 Wellness Trend

[14:45] No.7 Mindful Drinking

While I thought it was maybe because I’m in my early thirties that less people I know are drinking alcohol, I’m noticing this trend with people in their twenties as well. And maybe it is a generational thing, because a lot of gen Z’s and millennials are “sober curious” or just drinking less/more mindfully in general. 

More restaurants and bars are offering mocktails or non-alcoholic alternatives, and with the increase of mushrooms and adaptogenic drinks taking the spotlight, we’re seeing more of this available too. 

My partner doesn’t drink alcohol and truthfully I really only ENJOY drinking tequila or champagne so I’d rather have a fun “healthy” alternative and skip the hangover. It’s also definitely easier to drink less or more mindfully when the people you’re around also practice the same things. It’s kind of cool that this is trending more because really alcohol is poison to our bodies and I never regret not drinking, but I have often regretted drinking too much LOL

I’ve actually only had two alcoholic beverages this entire year and it’s already April, which I don’t know if I’ve ever done that before. How about you? Are you a more mindful drinker? Let me know, I’d love to hear more!

There are a few more wellness trends I want to share this year and the next one is

[16:19] No.8 Digital Detox

Similar to how convenient everything is, a big part of that is the technology we have access to. We are more plugged in than ever before! While there are benefits to this digital connection, too much of anything comes at a cost. 

From neck pain, to headaches, to lack of energy or enthusiasm, being overstimulated by technology is negatively affecting our health and well-being.

A digital detox doesn’t have to be a dramatic display of tossing our technology, but instead limiting it or having some healthy boundaries in place.

For example: turning off push notifications/sounds, putting away our phones/technology during meals, designating tech-free hours of the day or week, making no-tech zone areas/rooms of the home, limiting yourself to one screen at a time, and spring cleaning your social media accounts.

I used to do 24 hours every week with no technology and I really enjoyed it even though people thought I was crazy. Now I aim to stay off tech for the first hour of my day, and at least the last 30 minutes of my day. I leave my phone in another room when I’m eating and I really like the idea of one screen at a time because damn I am definitely scrolling my phone while the TV is on and that I have to say, is one of my worst habits currently.

Our next Wellness Trend of the Year is 

[17:59] No.9 Reformer Pilates 

And before you ask – no this is not an intentional plug of our incredible Athletic Reformer Pilates Studio in Downtown Burlington Ontario called EXHALE PILATES – LOL

But also thank you to TikTok and whichever influencers are doing Reformer Pilates right now because the studio is really busy and pilates is #Trending

For those of you who don’t know, a Reformer is an apparatus/machine used for Reformer Pilates. It combines the traditional principles and movements of mat pilates with the reformer machine. The machine has a foot bar, carriage, pulleys, and five springs with different tensions that can be adjusted.

It’s a really incredible machine and practice and our studio EXHALE PILATES has a variety of classes that cater to different goals. When people are new to the studio, I like to explain how reformer pilates is truly complimentary to anything else you’re doing, whether that’s a sedentary work from home set up, or you’re an Olympic Athlete – like last week’s guest Kia Nurse, who I met through the studio!

Episode 226: Going for Your High Level Goals with Pro Athlete Kia Nurse

There are many incredible benefits to a regular reformer practice including strengthening the core, improving flexibility, mobility, toning muscles, and more!

Tell me in the comments of the video version of this podcast if you’ve ever done Reformer Pilates before, and if you haven’t DEFINITELY come check out a class with us!

[20:03] The second last trend we’re going to talk about today is No.10 Facial Yoga

I was joking about this today at the studio and saying we should do “face pilates” at EXHALE – maybe you’ll see it on the schedule!

Essentially, face yoga is a combination of massage and exercises that stimulate the skin, lymphatic system, and muscles of the face. The technique is designed to soften and relax your face muscles to help alleviate tension, stress, and worry. [source]

I’ve tried this trend, but not for long enough to notice any major changes in my face, or neck, or shoulders which it’s aimed to target. However, according to my research, this really is part of a holistic routine and includes the following benefits: promotes healthy, glowing skin, firm and lifts the muscles under the skin, smoothes lines and wrinkles.

With any of these wellness trends, especially that of exercise, consistency is going to play a big part in the results of Face Yoga.

Last but not least! Our final Wellness Trend of 2023 

[21:25] No.11 Women’s Wellness

Did this one surprise you? It didn’t really surprise me, but again maybe because I am so deeply immersed in a lot of these practices and conversations.

While I would say, as a whole more people are craving connection and community this year, I can definitely see the trend of women coming together in circle, or ritual becoming more profound. There is a power in healing as a group, or coming together in different healing practices like yoga, pilates, meditation, group therapy, and more. 

I think people, and women especially, are really wanting this and needing people to relate to, to sit in circle with and connect with.

It’s funny because I used to host a lot of Women’s events and it was a very small niche of people interested in the events, however I think now if I shared them again there would be more curiosity at the very least.

What about you? Are you looking for women to share space with? To connect with and heal with? 

What did you think of the 11 Wellness Trends of 2023? Which ones are you practicing or want to start practicing? Are there any trends that you think should be added to the list? I’d love to hear from you and what you think! Share your thoughts in the comments of this video, or send me a DM on Instagram @vallavignelife

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E226: Going for Your High-Level Goals with Pro Athlete Kia Nurse

A 2-time NCAA National Champion with UConn, 2-time Olympian with Team Canada and current WNBA player who doubles as a broadcaster for TSN’s coverage of the Toronto Raptors in the offseason. More importantly a full time dog mom who loves a good book and some Netflix… please welcome Kia Nurse to the podcast…

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[00:59] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I am very excited to have you as a guest.

Kia Nurse:  I'm excited to be here finally. Thank you. 

VL: You know, I am not gonna lie. I was like geeking out when you came to the Pilates studio, exhale Pilates. So that's where we met because I'm like, Oh my God, she's so cool to have her on the show. So true story. I was very nervous to ask.

KN: I don’t know why?! I’m very open to these things!

VL: Ugh and you're so nice. Everyone, well not everyone, my best friend and my boyfriend were like, just ask her You're so weird. " I'm gonna do it today and then I did it. You're like, Oh my god. Absolutely. Like, oh my god. She said yes.

KN: Of course. Why not? I listened to the podcast once I met you and saw it on Instagram. Like, okay, let me listen. I drive for like an hour a day. So I have to listen to something.

VL: I love that I'm so happy to hear that and it's just one of those things where I'm like, you just have to go.

Just have to go and do the things that excite you or that make you feel a little bit nervous and excited and you just have to go for it because I feel like so many times and unfortunately I find this with women especially is that they just don't go Their big goals because they're too scary and you know, whatever the mindset is behind that. it's like, I'm not enough or I'm not good enough or someone's better than that or, you know, I can't do that or whatever. it's a shame because I feel like so many people and reaching those huge successful goals I may have just taken those leaps. Like I did asking you on the show. Hahaha 

So like I said, I'm so grateful that you're here. And going back to how we met with Pilates, you do Pilates at the studio, and I know that movement is a huge part of your life. So I wanted to kind of start with this point of how you incorporate all these different kinds of movements to support you and what you do. So can you share a little bit about the different styles of movement that you practice? Maybe how it helps you? I'd love to learn about them. 

[03:10] KN: Yeah, so obviously part of a big part of my life is movement. It's funny when I talk to people, sometimes it actually happened at the studio on summer Meadowview. And someone asked me like, guys went back to work after this and I was like, This is my job. So I did my job for the day I did my Pilates and coming to the studio was actually pretty terrifying for me because I am so used to I'm good at basketball, right? So I know what I'm good at. I stay in my lane. I go to the gym and play. I know that things are going to be not super easy, but I'm going to be comfortable and I know that a drill or anything that I might do there might push me outside of my comfort zone but I know that I can get through it. With Pilates. It's like this is a brand new thing. And so I tried to implement different types of movement to keep it exciting for me, because of exercises my job doing the same thing every single day becomes kind of tedious and I like to try to change it up. So typically my weekly fly week will look like Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the offseason at this point so early right before my training camps. I'll do three times a week on court. And then I will go from my 9am core workout to 10:30am Lift. I lift my weights and then I drive home so I'm done for the day, usually Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. On Tuesday, Thursdays I do Pilates, so I have my hour session with all of you. And then right after Pilates I head straight to an acupuncture chiropractor kind of session. so a treatment session on whatever body part needs a little bit of extra help. And on those days I try to either ride my peloton or do a peloton treadmill class over at the good life in my house.

And then Thursday or Saturday Sunday are basically kind of my off days or my rest days. And as we get closer to season I'll start to kind of move more into four or five days on cord and continuing to get more back into my usual T and seventh season. I'm on cord usually six days a week. So getting back into that feeling of understanding my body, getting back into that soreness and working through that.

But I've just tried to add so many different things. So cycling is another big one just came off an ACL surgery and tear. So biking became my life for about six months because that's the only thing I could do to feel sweat like legitimate sweat that I'm used to. And then I've taken up a lot of stretching as well. Nighttime stretching before bed. I find this helps to calm me down a little bit more and allow me to kind of just find a nice sleep. And then my dog I have a puppy. She's 10 months old. she's forcing you to walk every single day and it has been one of the best parts about having her is going out feeling fresh air pretty much the moment after I wake up.

[05:42] VL: Wow, you've done so much. I've worked out like four times this week…

Not for four hours a day though. That's so cool. And I love that you're implementing all these different things because yeah, as someone who's in the fitness industry and understands that all these different exercises complement each other and you can't just be doing the exact same thing every day because one it's probably boring for you but to your body gets used to doing the same motions and so when it needs to change something, it doesn't have that. Maybe, maybe it has the ability but it's not as agile. We could say. So how do you stay motivated to do all these different types of exercises? Because I'll tell you right now, when I have new clients coming to the studio, they're like, I just haven't found an exercise that I like or that excites me that they want to go to. They just sign up for the membership and then they don't go. How do you get motivated?

KN: It's a fair question. I honestly find that a lot of my motivation has always come from my family and my parents specifically because I know how much they sacrifice for us to be able to play organized sports growing up. I'm always jokes about it, but somebody had asked me a while back. Were your parents while off when you were growing up? And I was like, I think we were okay. Like I didn't feel like we were struggling in any way. My mom's like then we did our job because you didn't worry about that kind of stuff. And so that always kind of sticks with me. So I was like your dad probably didn't want to drive a minivan and probably wanted a nice sports car. But you know what we sacrificed? We got the minivan, and we drove everywhere. I live almost two times a week when I'm in season at the WNBA. And I see all these young kids and they're on their iPads and they're flying and their families are on vacation. We didn't fly anywhere. I have two other siblings. So there's five of us and it just wasn't economically sound for us to fly to all these different tournaments. We were playing again. So those long drives that my parents took were another sacrifice back in the day when there was only Google Maps. So they had the paper printout, Google Maps driving around. And I think you know, I look at them in the stands when I play and I see them and I see how proud they are. That's my best way to say that I am here living out my dream because of the things that you were able to do. So I try to remember that every single time that I stepped on the court, and then I tried to just remember that I've been labeled kind of a role model from a really young age, and I was really grateful for that label. I think that was something that was really cool, but there are a lot of young women and young athletes who are playing sports nowadays and they're coming up through the look of basketball specifically coming up for the system to possibly go play at the NCAA or the CIS are used for and then probably professional as well either the WNBA or overseas. So I'm trying to create these pathways and make them easier for them than it was for me. And that's something that keeps me going every single day. And I know there are days when I don't want to get on with it. And I still feel like doing it. But I always feel better afterwards. It makes me so mad because like you know you're gonna feel better afterwards. So you have to go and do it in the future. of habit. so that's something that's really helped me is having a schedule and seeing it laid out knowing what I'm doing each week.

[08:48] VL: I love that. It's really powerful for you to recognize how your parents helped you and supported you from that young age like that you don't really didn't really know where they were up at that time and I think a lot of us take our parents for granted especially as kids but definitely as a mature I've noticed with my own relationships with my parents.

Like I my mom would have been if I had a baby the same age as my mom, I would have almost two years old now which I'm like, Oh my God. I am a baby. So but it gives you perspective, right of like, wow, this is what you've done for me. So was basketball something that I've always been doing or was it a different sport?

KN: Any sport we wanted to play was kind of how we grew up my parents and you can try anything if you like good we can kind of stick with it. So I actually started in soccer, like little tidbit soccer with my brother a year older than me so we did everything together.

They put us on skates just to kind of go skating. I think I was really good. That's what they told me that you were good at skating. your brother did not turn out that it really worked out for him. so he stuck with that. And then my whole life. I played basketball in the winter and soccer in the summertime. So those were like my two back boards, but I love to cross country and track field, like I said on the next flight football, like I tried to do whatever I could. Because it was just like I enjoyed playing volleyball with the only sport I really mentioned, but it thoroughly enjoyed my time playing volleyball.  So yeah, it's always kind of just been, if you like, that we can get better at it. But if you didn't like it, there's like, okay, that's fine, move on.

[10:34] VL: That's awesome. So even at a young age you're already doing so many different kinds of movements so that's, that's really cool. And you mentioned how you're creating these pathways for young athletes. Can you share a little bit more about how you're doing that or what you're doing for that?

KN: Yeah, so my sister is nine years old, Tamika, and she is my version of Michael Jordan because I saw her playing from a really young age and I wanted to be just like her. And at the time when she went to college, she went on a full ride scholarship to the University of Oregon in the States. And it wasn't popular to come from Canada and get a scholarship to play in the NCAA. So as we continue to grow up and I got older, I want to follow in her footsteps and do the same thing. And it was getting a little bit more popular, but people still didn't really know much about Canadian basketball players. And so now I think if you look at the NCAA tournament, and you look at the number of women that we have in the NCAA Tournament out of Canada, number of men as well, it's astonishing and people are really now looking to Canada to see if they can find some kind of hidden gems. They consider us basically. And so what I've done is I've created an AAU program, which is the only program that goes out of Canada for girls into the AAU system in the States. In the summertime and they play in what's called the Nike by VFL League, which is one of the top picks there so Kindersley is created to allow them to find and have opportunities to play in front of all of these college coaches on the highest level against the best US players and then hopefully get scholarships and you know, have their opportunity to play in the NCAA tournament or when national championships or conference championships. We try to build up those opportunities for young women. And when I was in high school it wasn't popular to stay here in Canada. You're supposed to go to the States to a prep school and that's how you get seen to go to the best colleges. And my dad sat me down one day and was like if you're good enough, they'll find you. That's just how it's going to have to work. And so we ended up staying at St. Thomas More here in Hamilton and ended up at the best college that you could have gone to for women's basketball. So I tried to just make sure that my pathway is visible for these young women so that they can see you can do what I did. And you can probably do it better. You can probably have even more to it now as we continue to grow our game to then get to, you know, the WNBA or wherever it is that you want to play in the NCAA. So we tried to just make sure that all young women know that it's it's a possibility. I put my pants on the same way they do.

[13:02] VL: That is so incredible. And I think that's a huge part of like what we were. What I was mentioning at the very beginning was going for your dreams and taking those leaps is just knowing that someone has done this before you it's like oh crap, what's that thing that everyone talks about? Like a four minute mile. It's all right. Where they said it was impossible to I'm gonna say it wrong. They said it was impossible to run a certain amount of meters in a certain amount of time and then someone broke that record. And once they knew that that person broke that record So many people were just breaking the record over and over and over again, even though for decades people couldn't run that fast or run. run that fast. so I love that you're doing that and that's really incredible, especially for these young athletes and really for anyone who wants to strive for something better or do something bigger, with the weeds and they have so that's so amazing. Congratulations.

KN: Very excited. The kids are so cute.

VL: I also just love that you were a little timbit!

KN: It was really the best pictures and videos from it. it's back in the day when people used to have a camcorder. So we have little old camcorder videos and we put it in the VCR. We go to Grandma's, it's great.

VL: Oh my god, I love it. I've also wanted three kids and used to do on road trips to the States. That's where my cousins live. But we didn't have iPads and headphones and cool things like that. We had like the Discman and if we didn't have the right batteries ready for it. Then we were Sol on their seven hour road trip.

KN: We have the audio splitter so that we could put two pairs of phones in so we could watch the little fold up DVD player that was our big I was a big change for a while there. 

VL: I love that. That's so cool. We had something similar to, yeah, I just, I gotta say like, with all of the things you do, and how are you leveling each time, like you're not just doing it because you're doing it because you love it but then you're going after more and bigger and better. How is it that you are able to accomplish all of these goals like what? How does this work in your brain?

KN: It's funny my brains are really funny place to live. It's very nice to me some foods. It's not very nice to me other days and you know, I think a lot of it comes from I forget sometimes to sit down and write out everything that I've been able to accomplish at the age of 26 because it's been a lot and I've been really grateful for it. But sometimes I think it moves so fast in the way that women's basketball works. You go from college two weeks later you get drafted to the WNBA then you playing your WNBA season. Then at the time I was going overseas so I'd have a week at home, but I go overseas, so everything happens so fast that you actually forget to sit down and think about what happened to that last season. And so I try to remind myself that it is a blessing and sometimes also a curse that I never think that I've done it. but I'm never satisfied with where I am. so if I went to championships at UConn, which was great. I loved that, but I lost the last two and that bothers me still.

I went Panem gold medal but we weren't able to finish at the World Championships and won a medal this year. And so every time I accomplish something and you know that finish at the World Championships was historic. We haven't done that in 70 years. I think it was still okay, but there's more like there's more to be. I had a goal to get to the Olympics at one time. I've never been to the Olympics twice. And I know my goal has changed to try to come home with a medal. And so I think a lot about where I am, it's just from having little goals along the way and then once I reach those goals, I kind of reevaluate them and change them into something else. That's a little bit bigger than when I got a sports Psych. She's fantastic. And I tend to when I first started working with her she was like you are an all or nothing kind of person. You're either like I'm up here or way down here. And I'm always preparing for the worst case scenario. And so I think the biggest thing that happened when I tore my ACL and I was not allowed to play basketball for 11 months was I turned into a single small goal every single day. So the first eight weeks of rehab on ACLs are literally sitting in your chair and moving your leg out straight and pulling it back in for like eight weeks. You don't do anything else or a person who moves as much as I do. That drove me sick. And so I started to think about what am I gonna do that day. I could get three sets of that. That's great. If my goal was to get one calf raise, if I could get two conferences. That's great. If I could get out of bed by myself, I could walk without my crush, right.

So each day I journaled down what my win was on that day. and that helped me with my smaller goals.

And so I think that's probably part of the reason is that creating these goals but then being able to transform those into why, I just don't always feel satisfied with where I am, but it's helping me get there. And it's helped me get to more and achieve more. At the same time, sometimes you have to sit down to do this and be proud of it. When your confidence. I go back to my journals and I look at the things that I do, like I'm proud of this place.

[18:24] VL: Wow, that is so incredible. I like that you're doing that because it sounds like especially in this industry and I think even just with people in our society, it's Go-Go-Go do-do-do- do not stop, just keep moving. And it's always like, what's next? What's boring, but if you don't take that time to reflect, you don't need that time to pause. And what's the point? Like, do you even know what you're striving for anymore? So, that's really powerful to just say, Okay, this is what I did today. Can I have it? That tiny bit more of that? One extra rep. And then also to have those wins because, yeah, like, life is hard sometimes. And there are moments where you're going to struggle if your competence is going to be low, or your self esteem or whatever it is, and you can look back and be like, Wait a second. I am capable of big things and that I've imagined. I imagine there's another huge motivating motivator for you to keep going and strive for more.

Because I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of athletes getting injured and then it's like they lose everything in their life because like their life is their movement is their practice. And then all of a sudden, it's like it takes a toll. But for you to move through that and the way that you've done is really incredible, because you went from 100 to zero that way.

KN: I was like yeah, no, no, we're not doing anything now. And the worst part about ACLs before you go into surgery, you feel normal, like I was on the bike, and I was I was perfectly fine and they kind of keep you out of surgery for a couple of weeks to build up your strength before you go in. So I was lifting right in the back doing the cardio, and then you get hit by the surgery like I didn't sit there for like weeks.

VL: So one of the things that I talked about just before we hit record was that someone who is very competitive, but you do it in such a healthy way. you share a little bit about how this works with you. How do you stay in that mindset, being as competitive as you are?

KN: I've had to find the healthy part of it. 

I grew up with two siblings. My sister, like I said, is nine years old and my brother's only a year older. So pretty much everything I did growing up was like a competition. And I come from a family of athletes. Everybody plays sports. And so it's like, I don't want to do the dishes today. I don't want to be like I don't either. So we go outside and play 21 Whoever loses to do the dishes. That's kind of just like how we always work. It was always like a competitive nature growing up. And so I've had to learn that like you don't to compete in everything in life. But there's also ways to do it. Like for instance, the other day I was walking in the mall, and this lady was walking beside me before she looked at me and she was like, are we racing and I was like, no, but if we were racing, I would have loved you at my desk by now. And she was like, I would have thought you would. I just kept walking. That was it. That was our whole conversation. And so I probably was raising her but didn't want to tell her to her face that I didn't win, but it was totally fine. And so I found that there's got to be different ways that I can compete. So a lot of the times I find that I'm actually just competing with myself, which is good to a certain extent. And then I can promise you that there will be nobody in this world who has bigger critiques about my performances or my games or if I was productive today or not if it was an off day than I do. I might be own worst critic. But I've also learned to be my own biggest fan at the same time. So I find that there's ways like hustles love puzzles. I open the 1000 piece puzzle that I believe will be done within a week. I will race myself; nobody else will be doing the puzzle, but I will race myself to finish that thing as fast as I can. And I will sit there for hours and then just go and it's great because it actually takes me out of anything else that's going on in the world because I'm so focused on that puzzle. I find it's pretty similar to books. I'm big into books. I have a goal every single year on how many that I want to read for the year. So my goal this year is 30 because I got 24 last year. And so I've already read for not even through January yet, but I'm just like I'm moving right now. Am I behind on all my Netflix shows? Absolutely. Moving through the book. So I'm gonna reach this goal. That's kind of how I feel about it. So I find that it's just if I can compete with myself or I'm gonna compete with my dog like we're on a walk and I want to beat her to somewhere that I can do that. And that's me getting that feeling because I'm really scared of finishing my career and not being able to find that same level of competition or trying to find that same level of I just love competition. And I have a really healthy way of expressing it right now through playing to go into practice. And when I go to train by myself or with my trainer, I make him play against me one on one, or he'll make me do a drill that's like, you have to make five in a row. So it's me against me or me against the rim basically. So basically me against me, and finding ways to win. 

And now I'm trying to take out a sport and win in life. So can I create this program? What's the best top program for these women to have the best opportunities possible? How do we make it as high level as possible? Anything that I do, like TSN broadcasting as well. It's like I'm going to sit down and I'm going to study film and I'm going to practice my stuff here in the mirror the same way that I would do before I started entering a game and preparing in that sense and so can I be the best broadcaster that I can possibly be? Not that I'm competing with the arcade beside me, but I'm competing against myself every single day. and learning from the pros who have been there for longer than I have. 

And so it's just about finding different wins in life every single day. if I made my bed, that's a win by opening my windows. That's a win for me. If I checked one thing off my to do list as a winner and it could be tie your shoe, just so that I can see that something is completed today, that's how I kind of healthy release some of that competitive energy that I constantly have.

[24:34] VL: Yeah. Wow, you yeah you're very inspiring. I love this. And I especially love what you said about how you can be your biggest critic but you can also be your biggest fan.

And I'm wondering like not only what do you say to yourself but what do you say to those young athletes who are going to experience and experience that same level of mindset where they're getting hard they're hard on themselves or getting down on themselves. But then how do you help them flip that script to know you are you're, you're also your superfan. How do you do that?

KN: Well, I'm continuing to work on different ways for me to be able to have a lot of positive self talk because I have had a lot of times in my life where I haven't been very kind to myself or I don't think that my performances are up to living up to my potential and so one of the things I'm trying to really work on is figuring out what triggers those negative thought processes and where does that come from? Someone I spoke to the other day, she mentioned to me, I sports. She's like, What is the worst thing that anybody could possibly say to you think about that. Write it down. Really flush it. out as to why you would feel like that's the worst possible thing you could see. And then remember that that's kind of like where you go. So when I start to have mental or internal thoughts on the court, I typically start to go to she's overhyped, or it's it's a fluke that she was ever an all star, but that's where my mind starts to go. And I can stop myself and remember that that's where I'm going. I can kind of bring myself back out into the here and now in the present. And so I find that a lot of times it's being able to identify when you're going to kind of start rolling downhill because everybody's going to go at some point. It's hard. To bring yourself back and then focus on being present. It's so hard nowadays. And I think it's because there's just so much going on around us. We've got our cell phones in our pockets, which are basically our portal to the entire world and everything that's going on there as well. And then we have social media. I like anybody else getting stuck in comparison, type of vibe as you're scrolling through other people's lives. As an athlete, I think that's something that's really difficult for young athletes. So I try to bring that up to them very often, and remind them that we only put our best foot forward on social media, and you're gonna see somebody with a similar sport as you have been posting their highlights. They're going to show you the five baskets they made and I'm going to show you the 10 baskets they missed. It's always going to be best. And so I try to remind myself of that as well that I'm not gonna post a picture of myself crying because I have a very ugly crier, but I will post a selfie of me smiling and that's okay. And I understand that. but to remind myself that it's not my journey. It's very different from everybody else's journey. there might be some similarities that I can ask questions about that I can learn from, But ultimately, the decisions I make are going to be very different from those of anybody else's. And so when I start to deal with some negative self-talk, I have to remind myself of the good things.

The biggest thing that I've learned with a little bit of meditation as well, has been thoughts like the clouds. So sometimes I have to remind myself like it's impermanent. This is temporary. I'm gonna forget that I'm thinking this way, probably by tomorrow. And so if I start to have a thought that's really negative and like this so they're not real, I made it up in my head, or I'm assuming somebody's thinking.

And remember that it is going to pass, that at some point, your clouds are going to be gone.

So I tried to remember that the one piece of ice has operated on athletes right now it's it's not that serious. like growing up. I felt like everything was so serious. Don't do this. Don't post these things on Instagram. Don't like, like sometimes get a laugh at yourself. Like sometimes. If my friend wants to post a funny video of me falling down the stairs. I think it was embarrassing in high school and now I'm like, it's funny. like, you just gotta laugh at yourself sometimes and allow yourself to just enjoy the fact that this life is short, but like, funny things happen to you. Things that are either embarrassing to you. they're probably really like my nephews are teaching me. They think that I will be embarrassed if they just laugh at me and I'm like, That's great. Thank you.

[28:40] VL: That's so great. I think it's, you've said so many things and touched on so much great advice. And I feel like what's really cool about how you do all this is it sounds like there's so much preparation involved for when you're in those tough times. So it's not like you're learning meditation when you're in the thick of the clouds so to speak. But you have these tools ready for when you need that water that's on the quarter, but it's a lot of preparing and then again, you're taking your experience and then you're saying okay, how did I learn from this today and how can I grow from Wednesday? and you really are this role model this inspiration this mirror for a lot of people to say. Oh, yeah, I because I mean every time A lot of the things are saying I'm seeing a lot of myself in you and thinking like I've been there before I've done that before in my own way, obviously, but so easy to forget that our thoughts are just like the clouds, and in the moment where you're having that really tough moment, and someone says, Remember your thoughts are the clouds are like, shut up – It's not what I want to hear right now, or like you said you're, you're bearish at the moment but then looking back on it, you're like, No, that's hilarious. It's all good, and being able to brush those things off, because, yeah, I mean, how often do we take ourselves so seriously and then we forget to enjoy what we're doing and who we were with and that experience itself. So, yeah, really, really great advice and I feel like so, so easy to forget and yet so easy to practice as well so that's perfect. Thank you.

I do have one more question, and it kind of goes back to, I guess a little bit of everything that we're saying, in a sense of how this all ties together and how this makes you you. What would you say to someone who is just starting out who sees you? And it's like, you know, heart eye emoji, I need to do that. What's the first step or what's the first thing that they can do?

And maybe it ties back into something that we already talked about, but yeah, that's my question.

KN: Yeah, I mean, first thing I would say is it didn't happen overnight. Like this place I am today is not my perfect ideal world. So I'm not even sure that actually exists, but it's as perfect as it can be right now. And it took a long time and it took a lot of ups and downs to get there. And to figure out how to kind of control what I could control. Like, that's my, you start with where you can control right? So if you want to be in a place where you're more organized, you have your movement, and it's something that you find that drives you or you're looking for something that drives you. Think about something that you can do that is very within your control. So if it's a movement thing, obviously, there's a lot of different ways to move. Right. And it can be literally anything, there's apps and YouTube makes it extremely easy nowadays to find little classes that you can do might just be a stretch anything you go outside for a walk, you walk around your block for the first day. It's, you can control when you do that you can control how long you do it for. You don't have to be breathless and feel like you did a whole three hour workout. But any piece of movement started five minutes to 10 minutes and 20 minutes and increase it as you go and it'll become something that's more routine based for you. I think that's probably the number one place to start. And understanding that every day is not going to be perfect. There are days when I feel like my body is really broken down and I probably should have worked out and I will push through it. And then there are days when my body gets really broken down and I say to myself, you need to sit you need to fix it you need to let it heal for a minute, or it's going to bite you in the butt later down the road. And so, being patient with yourself is another piece of that. Being patient with the journey, which is like I said going to look different from anybody else's journey in the world is really important. And I am the least patient person in the world. Something I can admit about myself, I know my flaws. I want everything to be I want to reap the benefits of what I celebrate away because I work my tail off to get there. And if it doesn't happen right away, then I get frustrated or I just go back and I work harder. I just keep grinding and grinding and grinding. And the best thing I learned was you work smarter, not harder. So if you're gonna go and you need to feel like it's gonna burn you out. You're doing too much. You do just enough to make sure that you get your dopamine fix or you make sure that you feel good about what you did. So for example, we usually do basketball workouts. I'll do 20 minutes before I go in there. I shoot as many shots as I can. Or I make devotees first. I hit 150 attendance and I did my job. If I don't and I'm there for 20 minutes I'm out. I started my work as smart as possible. As opposed to grinding it out. I got to live in Australia for two years. They very much go with the flow kind of people. And they also kind of just end their day, like three, four or five o'clock. Everybody leaves work set for work in a restaurant and they go home. They spend time with their families. They don't grind it out from supposed to be nine to five to midnight. What we do here in North America sometimes, and I think that's really important. Being able to decipher, and sit down and be patient with yourself and the people around you. So find a group of people or your family members or just teammates or friends that are worth it that are worth your time and your energy and stick with them. because at some point in this entire journey you lean so heavy My whole ACI leads so heavy on everybody that is really in my close tight knit circle to pick me up and be solid for me when I couldn't be solid for myself.

VL: Yeah, WOW. The patience is huge because I think going back to the highlights, highlight reels that people post on Instagram on social media, what we see that we need to get somewhere tomorrow or right now. And knowing that the journey isn't overnight, just like you said, but being able to enjoy your time along the way to enjoy your company.

Knowing that the company you keep is really part of your success and your joy through life. So that's great. You're very wise for 26 Do people tell you that all the time?

KN: It's weird I do get that a lot. My producer was like, you're like a 45 year old body

VL: Haha you’re like I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Thank you. 

KN: Totally fine. It's good. It's working. They're like, we can't compare it. 25 year old kids to my sorry, I didn't mean to but I didn't mean to but that. That's so funny.

VL: Where can we find you, follow you, and support all the amazing things you do?

Instagram @kianurse www.instagram.com/kianurse 

Twitter @KayNurse11 https://twitter.com/KayNurse11 

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

KN: Currently Reading: Colleen Hoover - Layla

Favourite(s): Colleen Hoover - Verity + Taylor Jenkins Reid - The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

KN: Wow. I thought this was a rapid fire? Empowerment, I would say, means feeling like you have the power to do whatever it is that you want to put your mind to. And I think sometimes we get a little confused with thinking empowerment is that somebody else has to empower us to do something, or an organization has to empower us. I think it's empowering ourselves and empowering the ones that are around us. The people that we can relate to the most because we see them the most or we have conversations with them. being able to show that there is a pathway when that pathway seems like it's covered by a lot of trees and rocks. It's as clear as can be, you just have to keep searching.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

KN: Do you know,  am I being honest with you? I think I've read my first thought no, and it was my first class that I failed and I was really scared.

Do you know why am I being honest with you? I think I've read my first thought no, and it was my first class that I fail and I was

4. What are you currently working toward?

KN: I am currently working toward getting back on to the basketball court through my ACL playing in my first ever WNBA game. What will be two years by the time the season starts year and a half. And we're working towards the 2024 Paris  of the national team. So we went towards that as well.

VL: So awesome. I'm very excited for you. Thank you again for being on the podcast. It is an absolute pleasure to have you here and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge how you're helping women and honestly just inspiring everyone who's in contact with thanks very much.

KN: No thank you, I’m glad you asked!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E225: 11 Ways to Spring Clean Your Life in 2023

Spring is in the air and we are doing a whole lot more than cleaning! It’s the perfect time to refresh and renew your life. Let’s start this spring season with a life cleanse! 

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[00:43] HELLO SPRING!

Happy Spring Equinox (for the listeners in the Northern Hemisphere, and Fall Equinox if you’re listening from the Southern Hemisphere). You may already know that I am an astrology enthusiast, and while a lot of the world may celebrate the new year on January 1st, in the astrological calendar the start of Aries Season is actually the beginning of the year!

Regardless of what you consider to be the new year, I think we can all agree that spring is a time of revival, rebirth, and teeming with possibilities!

This year, the spring equinox happens on March 20th at exactly 5:24pm EST. The word equinox literally translated means “equal night.” Because of the position of the sun above the equator, the day and night are very equal in length in both the northern and southern hemispheres!

What I recently learned was that this exact moment of the sun crossing over the Earth’s equator is known as the “vernal equinox” from the Latin word vernare, which means “to bloom” [source] isn’t that so pretty!

Many cultures all over the world celebrate this time of year with festivals, intentions, rituals, cleansing, fasting, and so much more! A lot of these celebrations are rooted in the time of year that brings new crops to communities.

We can use this fresh spring energy to cleanse our entire life this season! 

[02:16] Let’s start with: Resetting Our Goals

Look back on the goals you set earlier this year. When you reflect on them, which ones do you still feel excited about? If there are goals you have already achieved, how are you celebrating them? What about the goals that you’re still working towards? How can you get back on track with them?

It’s a great practice to re-evaluate our goals throughout the year, and make any necessary changes or adjustments.

I also want to mention that this is meant to be done without judgment. Re-evaluate goals objectively. I understand that we set meaningful goals for ourselves, but we don’t want to get too emotionally attached to the outcomes. Instead, observe the facts and logistics of your goals, and use the data and your intuition to decide whether it’s worth going for, or if it’s not for right now.

AND this is NOT permission to give up on your dreams! I will tell you right now that I had a goal of being on more podcasts this year, as a guest and when I looked at my goal at the beginning of this month I was slacking. But instead of getting discouraged, I challenged myself to change things up and I can share with you today that I have completed three podcast interviews since sharing that goal with you in episode 222!

With your new goals you can be more intentional with your actions moving forward. This can include making space for the goals you want to manifest. 

[04:16] One of the best ways to make space for your goals is to literally make space and Declutter Your Home.

I know there are some of you out there who LOVE SPRING CLEANING! And I’ve got to say, I love when the cleaning is done, but I don’t always love doing it. However once in a while I do get inspired to deep clean my home.

So if you’re like me,  you may also like this little calendar I’ve prepared called “Seven Days of Decluttering.”

Day One: Clean Out Your Closet: Donate or sell anything that no longer sparks joy 

Day Two: Reorganize Your Pantry: Toss anything that is expired, and refresh with matching/cute storage containers for easy access so you actually use your pantry items

Day Three: Choose One Room in Your Home to Deep Clean

Day Four: Finally Organize Your Junk Drawer

Day Five: Declutter Your WFH Workspace: Bring in new energy and creativity with a tidy office space

Day Six: Clean Out Your Skincare: Toss any expired products or make up and replace with non-toxic alternatives

Day Seven: Purchase Air-Purifying Plants to Liven Up Your Space

Breaking different rooms, areas of the home, or tasks down into separate days makes the projects more manageable and helps build momentum on the bigger picture. Plus cleaning can be quite exhausting for a lot of us hahaha 

[06:45] Since we’re making time to declutter our space, we can continue the momentum with Spring Cleaning Our Finances.

This is a great time to re-evaluate and eliminate any expenses that aren’t bringing us joy. With those out of the way, what expenses can we get excited about and budget for?

One year I noticed I was spending A LOT of money on coffee dates with friends and decided that I wanted to swap those to “walking dates.” The outcome was epic because 

1) I was saving money

2) I was drinking less caffeine 

3) I was moving my body more

4) I was getting fresh air

5) I was inspiring my friends to have more walking dates too!

6) I was exploring new places 

No brainer, right?

It’s also a great time to review recurring charges on our credit card and bank statements. Which ones are we actually using on a regular basis, and which ones can we cancel? 

We recently canceled Netflix and truthfully I don’t miss it. It’s also helping me because I’m spending more time reading than watching random shows.

[07:55] Along with our goals and creating space for our manifestations, another great way to spring clean your life is to Adopt Healthy Habits. 

It’s about time we start incorporating and prioritizing the habits and routines we keep saying we’re going to start!

Share in the comments of this video, or on instagram: which healthy habits are you prioritizing this season?

Here are some popular habits and tips for each of them!

Movement + Exercise

As an educator in the fitness space I cannot stress this enough: FIND AN EXERCISE THAT YOU ENJOY AND LOOK FORWARD TO! Why on earth would you commit to something you don’t love or are excited about? Pass.

Healthy Eating

Keep your nutrition simple by purchasing whole foods and packaged goods with four ingredients or less. You’ll be amazed at how much garbage ingredients are in a box of store-bought cookies. 

Another simple clean eating tip is to “shop the outside of the grocery store” this is usually where whole foods can be found, versus the packaged products in the aisles. 

Meditation

There are a lot of ways to meditate and so many meditation styles. Something that really helped me with my consistency in meditation was changing my intention of quieting or calming my thoughts, and instead I observe my thoughts. This allowed me to cultivate more mindfulness and awareness and now my meditation practice goes beyond sitting on a pillow in silence every morning.

Sleep Hygiene

Stick to a consistent schedule of going to bed and waking up at the same time every day – or within the same 90 minutes every day. For example You wake up between 6:30 and 8:00 am daily and go to bed between 9:00 and 10:30 pm nightly.

[10:19 ] A wonderful habit to create is a Gratitude Practice. This can be part of your meditation practice, or journaling, or any of the many other ways you can practice gratitude!

Taking time each day to express gratitude for the things you have and the people in your life is not only an amazing habit, but a wonderful way to attract MORE of what you’re grateful for!

It can truly help cultivate a positive mindset and increase happiness, along with manifesting more gratitude and abundance into your life.

I’ve done a few episodes on gratitude in the past, one was a story of a past client, and the other was from my experience of practicing gratitude every day for a year, and what it taught me.

Past episodes on gratitude:

E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude

E69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me

If you feel that it’s challenging to think of what you are grateful for, I suggest starting really small with tiny moments of gratitude.

You can also start the journal practice with letting go of whatever you’re holding onto in your mind and just get it out onto paper. This is a meditation or healing practice on its own. Once it’s on the paper, you can release it – heck! Burn the paper if you want to! (Safely)

[11:40] In addition to practicing gratitude, another excellent way to Spring Clean your life is to notice where and WHO you’re spending your time with.

Connecting with Loved Ones is a wonderful way to strengthen relationships and bring a sense of happiness and fulfillment into our lives. This can be done through a phone call, video chat, in person, or I sometimes do walking dates with friends. We both go for a walk in our respective areas and walk and talk on the phone.

Notice which people you keep in contact with the most, and perhaps which relationships you need to overhaul. Commit to and nurture the relationships that make you feel good and happy to be around.

Maybe during this audit you think of people you want to forgive. How can you release the stress, anger, resentment, or pain that you’re holding onto from these strained relationships? Maybe the person you need to forgive is yourself?

[12:25] It doesn’t just have to be the relationships you cleanse in your life, but also some of the activities as well as your time.

Reassess Your Schedule, where is there time wasted that you can replace with activities that make you happier or better? 

I find myself mindlessly scrolling on social media sometimes, this is a great time to detox your social media. You can do this by unfollowing any accounts that do not inspire you or align with your vibe. That way if you do get caught in a mindless scroll, at least you’re connecting with accounts that make you happy.

Something that is helping me is having tech-free spaces in my home. Disclaimer: this is a work-in-progress! But I’m really keeping tech out of the bedroom and also the dinner table. I find this to be more difficult when I’m eating alone, and also my partner has his phone in bed with him, but I try to read instead. Definitely notice FOMO when he’s giggling at TikToks though. 

[14:!5] Spring has such an incredible energy of NEW-NESS and so it makes it an excellent time to Learn Something New! 

What hobby or skill interests you? I’ve been enjoying learning French on Duolingo, and I have a ton of cute recipe books that I could definitely dive into and try some new recipes out.

Maybe there’s a hobby that you’ve always wanted to try? Or a class/workshop you want to take? Make this new season an excuse to try or learn something new!

[14:43] Of course one of my favourite things to do this season is Get Outside. It’s so easy to get stuck indoors during the winter months. I am bad at this, but learning to be better. We went on a few snowboard/ski trips this year that have been really fun!

If you need a little nudge, here are some benefits of spending time outside:

[source] 

• We move more when we’re outdoors

• Being in nature for 30 minutes can lower blood pressure and pulse

• We have access to fresh air

• We tend to seek more social connection when we’re in nature which also boost our general mental health and wellness

• Speaking of, spending time in nature is a mood booster

• Has immune boosting benefits as well – especially if we’re breathing in the magic of nature’s aromatherapy

• And of course decreasing our stress and anxiety

Seven super awesome reasons to get your booty outside… ASAP!

Spending time in nature is so amazing for our health and wellness. Whether it's going for a walk, hiking, or simply sitting outside and enjoying the fresh air. Being in nature can improve your mood, reduce stress, and increase feelings of well-being.

[16:31] Spring cleans your life by Detoxing Your Habits. Which habits are no longer serving you, and what new behaviours do you want to replace them with?

These could be the habits we were talking about earlier in this episode. One of the best ways to break a bad habit is to replace it with a new and better one.

[16:45] Spring cleaning our lives doesn’t have to be a one and done practice – and often it isn’t! We want to put systems in place that support us throughout the year so we don’t just clean once and everything is right.

With our new cleaned up home, and office, we can now Organize Our Environment. Create a system for organizing belongings, such as by using storage containers, labeling items, and creating designated spaces for different items.

Having designated spaces for things decreases mess, makes it easier to find what you’re looking for, and in turn can make you more productive.

[17:33] The Spring Season is a beautiful time of change and transition. Of course these changes do NOT have to happen overnight. Take your time easing into the season by choosing one or two of these ideas to start with.

Maybe you felt inspired and came up with some of your own ways to celebrate and cleanse your life – share them with me in the comments below this video, or on Instagram @vallavignelife! I would LOVE to hear about what you’re implementing this season.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E224: Resetting Habits: How Presence, Rooted, and Space Improved Our Lives in 21 Days

There is something powerful about affirming and connecting to a feeling. Whenever I work with someone, whether that be in a group coaching program or one-on-one experience, the foundation is the same. This foundation is about anchoring into a meaningful feeling. Today I’m excited to share three stories from past clients who were able to reset their habits using their unique feeling words: Presence, Rooted, and Space…

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[00:52] Valerie: Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast – Thank you so much for being here! It is an absolute pleasure to have you! I’m coming to you today from my podcast studio AKA the second bedroom of our home LOL but if you’re subscribed to the YouTube channel, then you would have seen my little behind the scenes tour of where I record these episodes for you! 

www.youtube.com/@vallavingelife/videos

Not every episode is available on YouTube yet, so you won’t find the video version of today’s episode there, but I am going to be posting a weekly video for you. Sometimes full episodes, sometimes behind the scenes, shorts, or different more visual content for you! Which is both out of my comfort zone and also very exciting. 

Speaking of exciting! Today we have three incredible guests on the show. Please welcome Allie, Adine, and Danielle to the podcast. These women participated in our most recent 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge and have taken the time to share their experience with us on the show.

The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge is pretty much what it sounds like! It’s a live challenge that I host for anyone who wants to build better habits, or break bad ones. Together we take action on our new behaviours, track our progress, and cheer each other on! The challenge is open to whoever would like to join, and our next challenge starts April 10th of this year. You can join us by visiting www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

THIS LINK IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN THE SHOW NOTES PAGE AS WELL.

Quick announcement/change for the 21 day challenge. This upcoming challenge will be the LAST ONE for this year. While I was hosting the challenge seasonally, I’ve decided that is not conducive to my goals or energy and so I will host this last challenge in April, and then NEXT YEAR will host another challenge.

So… If you are listening to this episode before April 10th, definitely jump on this opportunity to empower your mindset, your health, your well-being, your business, and any other goals you have!

If you’re listening to this episode after April 10th, you will still be able to access the challenges, and I encourage you to get on the waitlist for next year’s so you won’t miss it!

Okay, let’s get into these incredible stories and experiences shall we?!

Now, not everyone has a second bedroom in their home set up for a podcast studio, so I will preface by saying the sound quality sort of changes throughout the episode. Nonetheless, the content and stories from these women are amazing!

[03:36] I mentioned in the intro of this podcast, that when you’re working with me it’s really important that the foundation of our work be anchored in feelings. When I host the challenge, I encourage the challengers to choose a feeling word and habits to go along with them, here’s what our guests chose:

Adine: Hi, my name is Adine, and my feeling word and habit for the 21 days was “presence.”

Danielle: Hi, my name is Danielle. My word for this challenge was “rooted” and my habits for the 21 days were a night time ritual which included a skincare routine, journaling, and reading. I had hopes of including a tea ritual in that but it just proved to be a little too much for me.

Valerie: At the start of the challenge, I’m really on the challengers to choose a feeling word that they connect to. Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right word for you, and that’s okay. Here are some ideas to find that meaningful word:

1. Get quiet and visual what the perfect day would look like. At the end of that detailed perfect day, how would you feel at the end of the night?

2. If you know how you DON’T want to feel, brainstorm some opposite positive feeling words, and choose the one you resonate with the most.

3. Review your goals for the day, month, and year, and ask yourself: how would it feel to achieve these goals? The answer can be your feeling word.

The feeling word is not only something we start with, but also what we revisit throughout the challenge. While we’re tracking our habits we are also checking in to make sure those specific behaviours line up with how we want to feel.

[05:15] While knowing our feeling word is foundational, knowing where we’re coming from, or where we’re at in life before starting the challenge is also incredibly helpful. We can’t get to the end goal without knowing where we’re at before starting the challenge.

Here’s what our challengers had going on before starting the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge:

Allie: It’s not that I feel that I need to drastically make changes, I just feel like I’m always trying to work on small habits. So this month the feeling word was “space” for me and not automatically just saying yes to every single thing I get asked to do or whatever. Like socially, work-wise, everything. So having that reminder of the word space was so nice because I actually didn’t just say yes right away. I would say “I can get back to you” or “give me a day” or “give me a little bit” and then I would actually think, “okay do I actually want to do this thing?”

Adine: Where was I in life, or how was I feeling before starting the challenge? Things were getting pretty busy, and I was starting to feel overwhelmed with Christmas, and a little bit of travel and trying to wrap up work things before the end of the year. It was starting to feel a little more hectic than I certainly want to be at this point in my life. 

Danielle: When I started this challenge I was definitely feeling like I needed more focus coming out of last year. I think there’s a reason why January is such a great reset time, just coming out of the chaotic busy holidays. I decided to do Dry January this year as well, which was the attempt to give myself one less thing to think about and stress about. And I really wanted to take that time to build those more positive evening routines to bring me into a more centred and calm space. And a place where I wasn’t just mindlessly spending my time, you know, doom-scrolling on social.

Valerie: You can almost hear the stress in their voices when they spoke about coming out of a chaotic season of life. Sometimes it’s hard to admit where you are before deciding to make a change – and a lot of the time it’s because we really don’t like where we’re at and we KNOW something needs to change for us to move forward. But this honesty and vulnerability is really helpful to the beginning of our journey. 

We’re clear on what we no longer want, and we’re clear on how we want to feel. So in the simplest terms, the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge is about choosing the actions and behaviours that bring you closer to your feeling word, and moving away from the old patterns and habits that make you feel the opposite.

[08:18:] This process obviously takes some time. But with practice, accountability, and community, we can really move the needle forward and experience growth!

Let’s hear how the challengers experienced this transformation, and what they loved most about the challenge:

Allie: So yeah, even though it’s something that I still need to work on, it’s definitely nice to consciously pick a word and then focus on that for the month. Favourite part, I like the check ins from you, and it kind of keeps whatever you’re trying to work on top of mind.

Adine: My favourite part of the 21 day challenge was when I decided to get rid of my apple watch, give it to my daughter, completely take it off my phone; wipe it clean. And start to go back to life without something on my wrist binging me every 45 seconds.

Danielle: My favourite part of the Healthy Habit Challenge was definitely the accountability and support. I personally am not wired to ask for too much help, but there were a couple of DMs between Val and I where she would check in. I’d be a little bit vulnerable about how things were going. She was very supportive and encouraging. I’m also wired to kind of be all of nothing, so if I missed a day, I’d beat myself up about that. But her support and accountability around “even if you miss a day it’s great work toward the habit” so just the encouragement was really beneficial. 

Valerie: I almost forgot to mention that the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge takes place on instagram. Everyday I post a couple story slides to the “close friends list” which is basically private access to the challenge content for challengers only! During those 21 days you have access to these special stories as well as me, in the DMs!

Yep, you can message me, voice note me, reply to stories, ask me your questions, celebrate your wins, all within our 21 days together. 

Even if you’re a little shy about sliding into the DMs, I do reach out to each of the members at least once per week to check in and see how you’re doing. I also encourage the challengers to follow one another, share their experience on their own stories, and make the most out of our live community!

As a Healthy Habit Mentor, I recognize that accountability is HUGE for making or breaking habits. And accountability comes in many forms!

Here are some types of accountability:

• Frequent accountability meetings with a coach or mentor

• Social accountability: sharing on social media or with the community

• Accountability buddy: fiend who you check-in with or do the habit with

• Healthy competition: get a friend or group together to compete on consistency or reaching the goal together

• Habit tracker: a tracker or scorecard to track your behaviour and progress

• Have a milestone prize that you get when you reach x days of consistency to celebrate yourself 

• Set reminders on your phone or in your calendar

There aren’t a lot of “rules” when it comes to our 21 day challenge, because the point is to grow and expand without all the stuffy boundaries we think we need to be disciplined. 

NUH-UH. We don’t need that BS.

What we need are the tools and techniques that actually work and move us forward. These specific tools are going to look slightly different for everyone, and possibly for every habit.

For example, starting a new workout routine is a completely different thing to having a goal of drinking more water every day. The techniques for building these into your life are going to be different AND they will also be different depending on the person.

[13:12] So here’s what you need to know: one of the best ways to build your habit is to notice what works for you and expand on that. 

As well as, review where you’re noticing the most impact from starting the habit in the first place. This is going to reveal clues as to what’s truly working for YOU and will be part of your unique healthy habit strategy!

The impact is going to show up in different ways, here’s what our challengers experienced:

Allie: For the biggest impact, it’s probably just saying “no” to a few things, even small things like going for a drink or going out for dinner one night. And I knew I had other things to do and prioritize. I said “no” a few times – which is big for me – because I got to prioritize what I actually wanted to prioritize. 

Adine: The thing that had the biggest impact on me was getting used to putting my phone down, not having a watch on my wrist, remembering how to tell time on an analog watch. But also really focusing on being in the moment. So whenever I had that reflex to look at my watch or my phone, thinking “Nope. I’m right here, I’m right now. Whatever is there is going to wait for me.” and that is really incredible. 

Danielle: The part of the challenge that had the biggest impact in my life was really kind of the impacts these habits had on my overall mood, and sort of the general feeling of wellbeing. I felt much calmer and more focused. And I wasn’t questioning how my time would be spent in the evenings, but just spent the time meaningfully. So I really saw habits taking over thought which allowed the thought to be used for other things.

Valerie: Did you hear the clues? Let me highlight a few of them. When I’m working with Allie it’s important that we outline priorities. What are her priorities? Where do they fall in ranking? How can we block time for each of these things in her life, while also allowing her to feel space?

When I’m working with Adine, we can really emphasize triggers or cues. Which moments in the day can we use to connect to our feeling word throughout the day to remind us to be present? What actions, words, or situations can trigger us to tap into the feeling word?

And when I’m working with Danielle, I want to encourage her to look back on what she has accomplished and achieved. She is very forward-focused, which is outstanding! Without looking back, however, we can get caught up in all of the things we need to do or achieve, and we forget about how far we’ve come. By working with her to see her achievements, impact, and the ripple effects of her actions, Danielle can feel encouraged to keep moving forward, even if some days are tiny steps instead of the big leaps she’s striving for.

Take a moment to think about how your healthy habits have positively impacted you? Do you notice any clues of what works in your life? 

Don’t worry if you’re having trouble answering that question. Truthfully, most people struggle with seeing their own clues because they’re just so IN their own experience and emotions that they can’t take that step back to see the bigger picture. 

That’s where I come in, your Healthy Habit Mentor. While the 21 Day Challenge and community is pretty incredible, there are seasons in life where we need deeper, more customized support. If this sounds like where you’re at in your journey, you may be interested in my Healthy Habit Mentorship. A customized and personal one-on-one experience working with me. You can get all the details and apply for the program at www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship 

[17:15] Regardless of whether we work together one-on-one or in a group, when you’re consistent with your healthy habits, magic happens!

I’m serious! There are so many wonderful and pleasant surprises that pop up during the transformation, and most times they are things we wouldn’t have ever expected to experience on the journey.

This is also one of my favourite things to hear about from the challengers:

Adine: The thing that surprised me the most was actually how quickly my body undid the bad habit. So for 45 years of my life I’ve lived without this Apple Watch that accelerated my technology addiction – or not addiction but technology dependance I guess. And within, I don’t know, less than 21 days I completely unwound that part and reminded myself I have lived without this technology for decades and I can go back to that and get my nervous system back down to a calmer energy and be a little more present at all times.

Danielle: The thing that surprised me the most about the challenge was that it had these ripple effects into my whole household. I’m married with two kids, one’s 5 one’s 9. And it kind of reset evenings for my whole family, me, my husband, and my kids. So we just had an overall more mindful use of time and better quality time spent all together.

Valerie: Ahh yes the ripple effect… This is one of my favourite things about building a healthy habit. No matter what area of life you’re focusing on, it is bound to impact another area of your life also. AND when you’re true to yourself and your own habits, you impact other people in your life!

I like to use the visual of a champagne tower. Picture a beautiful crystal tower of champagne coupes. You are a single coupe at the top of this tower. Your healthy habits, routines, rituals, and systems are the champagne. When we work together, we pour champagne into your glass. And what happens when your coupe is full? It pours into the glasses below and around it filling their glasses too.

How does this work for habits? Well, you are giving yourself permission to love yourself, fuel yourself, honour yourself and be kind to yourself. 

Doing this inspires, empowers, and encourages others around you to do the same. YOU my friend are making an impact whether you realize it or not! AND WHAT A GIFT that is to be able to share this abundance, this presence, rootedness, and spaciousness with others. 

I want this for you.

I want this transformation for you. If you want this too, join the challenge or get on the waitlist today! www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge. And if you want to start sooner, and work with me in a closed container, then the 1:1 Mentorship is where it’s at for you! www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship 

[20:25] Maybe you’re listening right now and you’re thinking “but I’ve already done the challenge…” AMAZING! You are totally welcome to join the next one!

In fact, our challengers who have shared their experiences with us today have done the challenge multiple times, and here’s what they’ve discovered the second time around:

Allie: In the second challenge I actually told my boyfriend about it as well, “this is something I’m working on.” and I’m trying to be conscious about not just always being so go with the flow and always saying yes to everything. And I think that helped because If I was like “no I can’t fit that in, or I can;t do that.” Then he was really understanding because he actually knew I was consciously trying to work on that. So I think that was really helpful compared to the first time when I was just more focused on myself. 

Adine: The first time around on the challenge, I was super ambitious. I think I was giving up sugar and caffeine and walking 5km a day, and I think I had a lot going on. This time with the challenge it was really about ONE THING, and changing that one thing has made everything else seem a little easier I guess. So slowing down and being a little more present: I eat more slowly; I’m drinking less wine; I’m enjoying my workouts and walking without listening to a podcast and instead just listening to my footsteps. So it’s actually making a lot of things better by just focusing on one simple thing.

Danielle: This is my second time signing up for a challenge, because I do just really love the quiet background support and accountability that’s there. The thing I did differently this time was that I talked about it more with my immediate family and my household. Which I do think made me more encouraged and accountable. So sharing the challenge with those closest to me was really powerful and it did have those ripple effects with the rest of my family which was incredibly encouraging to see that happen as well.

Valerie: Working with women like Allie, Adine, and Danielle truly lights me up. Witnessing how they show up, how they’re expanding, and how they’re learning as they grow is so powerful. I am truly blessed to have been connected to each of them and been able to work with them on their healthy habits.

If you’ve loved their stories and experiences as much as I did, then I know you will LOVE your own experiences in the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge! Join us at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge I cannot wait to support you and your transformation and growth!

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E223: Gain Clarity & Empower Your Career with Emilia Stypulkowska

Emilia Stypulkowska is a career coach and founder of Sunny Side Up Coaching. She helps people define their vision for their career, articulate their impact, and land their dream job…

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[00:42] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast, Emilia, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. I know we've talked about having this conversation, and now we are finally doing it so I'm so excited that you're here today. 

Emilia Stypulkowska: Yeah, thanks so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to our chat.

VL: And it's kind of cool because we have gotten to know each other through different networks and kind of mutual friends and things like that. However, I've been really lucky to attend some of your workshops and to see kind of what you do and how you do it. And at first when I was getting to know you, I don't really need a career coach because I am an entrepreneur and I run my own businesses and but I wanted to support you still right as a friend and I thought, Okay, well I'm gonna try this out and I have friends and my partner he is in a corporate setting for his work. So you know, I know people who would benefit from this and so I wanted to, to see what it was all about. And I was blown away by not only you and what you do and how you articulate it because it's pretty incredible how you can within like a what was like a one hour workshop, we did have the transformation that came out of this workshop, but also how it was applicable to my own self in my entrepreneurship journey as a business owner. So I think that is really incredible and I'm I'm I want to formally apologize to you for thinking that I didn't need your services.

ES: Hahaha There was absolutely no need to apologize!

But I'm glad that you know that you found it really useful and helpful the work that we did you know, despite the fact that you're on this, like less conventional path and a lot of my clients.

VL: Yeah, it was pretty incredible. So I'm excited to chat with you about that today because I feel like no matter where you are in your career or business journey, there is something to be said about what you teach and how you teach it. So I feel like we should just dive right in.

ES: ​​Yeah.

VL: One of the things I really love about your workshop was when you had us take inventory of our current job, so maybe can you start us with the first step or walk us through how that works? Because you're the expert, so I don't want to try to explain it and butcher it.

ES: Yeah, absolutely.

So what I have people do is write out a list of daily or weekly tasks as well as bigger projects that they work on for their role. And they can do that take them inventory of their most recent job or their current job or a past job event. And really, the longer the inventory, the more information that you're going to get out of it. And the more insights they think. So number one, you take that inventory and just write everything out. Just do a brain dump. I remember someone came to my workshop, and she didn't write down any of the tasks that she didn't enjoy. Like, no, we're gonna, we're gonna get information from that too. So really just a full on brain dump.

You know, of everything that you do in the project.

And so that's the first step. And then the second step is just to categorize everything. And in my workshop, I have a bit of a legend in terms of how people can categorize different tasks, whether it's strategic, collaborative, for people, or data oriented.

And really categorize each task. Some of the tasks might be the same, like some of them might be the same. Some of them might have more than one category of half so it might be collaborative and collaborative and strategic or whatever it is. And then, so then I take people to a few more steps to kind of really, really take a look at everything and and start to see the patterns between the tasks and projects that they're not enjoying, and what do these things have in common? And so what is it about those things that they don't enjoy? And I think similar to kind of work you experience in the workshop, people start to see that their job isn't just their job. It's not a big blob. It's actually lots of little puzzle pieces. And there might be aspects of it that they enjoy and aspects of it that they don't enjoy. But then from that information, you can sort of start to form a picture of what you don't want and then a vision of what you do want, which you will move toward.

[05:33] VL: And I thought that was so powerful to break it into all those different components because, you know, you're having conversations with people, your friends, your family, whoever but you don't really understand their job fully. You're not in their shoes. So when they say oh, my job is so stressful. Oh, I really am not enjoying my job. You're just thinking like, Okay, we'll just leave your job to do something else. But it's not that simple most of the time. And it's also are we taking that time to look at what we actually do not like about the job? And is there an opportunity for us to change things within that and to see what's working and what's not? Can we make something adjustable so that we can stay where we are and still do the things that we enjoy? So for me that was a huge realization. Because I recognize them like, like, I should do a lot of things that I don't enjoy, but I don't have to do those things. I can delegate those tasks and focus on the things that I do enjoy, and then be better at my job because of it. So maybe I just gave it away but why is this so important for us to do this practice? You have a name for it? Should I call it something or?

ES:  I call it a Career Clarity exercise.

Yeah, and definitely, I think it's important because you start to see things more clearly and you can start to see how okay, then when I'm looking at this job description of this job that I'm applying for, does it have similar components or categories that I also don't love? So you start being able to see things for the pieces versus just looking at it as a whole? Because that's actually one of the surprising things that I've found. In working with my clients is but people aren't always really good at looking at a job description and deciphering what exactly this job looks like on a day to day basis. And I think that this exercise helps you get a little bit better at looking at those things and and getting more savvy about looking at job descriptions. And so for you, you know, as an entrepreneur, you might be able to delegate some of those things that you don't enjoy. But I think for you know, our nine to fivers. They can also talk to their boss and say, Listen, you know this category. You know, I'm finding it really tedious and routine and as pulling away from this, which maybe has a bigger impact or an ROI.

You know, could we sort of shift these tasks either to someone else or, you know, if you're growing in your role or looking at a promotion, like what do you want to lean into more and what do you want to lean out? of? So I think that this information is helpful for everyone.

VL: Yeah, absolutely. I love that and it prepares you for those conversations. And I like what you said about when you're looking at the job description, you're looking at more because a job description, in my opinion, is really a sales. We want to hire someone and these are all the best parts about your job. But what does that really mean? Right, because it's a job description usually Well, from my experience, it's not that detailed. So being able to ask questions and know where you are, where you strive as an employee, or in your skill set. and then knowing that yeah, there's flexibility or there's room for me to adjust this or this exists. It's exactly what I'm looking for, like almost nothing what I'm looking for, even though it looks really pretty in his package in a bow, It might it might not be the right date right so yeah, I think it's a, it's a very simple yet powerful practice is there anything that we need to keep in mind when we're doing this exercise for ourselves?

ES: Um, yeah, I think I think something as simple as you know, sometimes it's more clear to us what we don't want than it is what we do want and just kind of really thinking about and digging into Okay, well, what is the opposite look like? Or, you know, what is? Yeah, what is the opposite version of this? So that I can see what I'm moving toward? I think it's really important not just to realize what you're moving away from, but really focus on that picture of what you're moving toward, and sometimes that's as easy as flipping and flipping those don't want it to those new ones, and what does that look like and taking some time to think about it?

[10:01] VL: Yeah, that's a great point, especially if you're in a place of feeling frustrated with where you're at. It's easy to focus on all of the things you don't want to be doing. overdoing and just the opposite, flipping it to see what it's like. I like that a lot. So let's say we do our clarity exercise. We figure out what we don't want, we realize what we do want, what’s next?

ES:  Yeah. 

VL: Like that's the big scary part. 

ES: What's Yeah, um, so definitely, you know, in like through the clarity exercise, I also drill down into things like you know, does the mission of your organization excite you.

So, also looking not just at the tasks and the projects, but also thinking about, you know, your actual job like the perks or lack of perks that your job so you start to clarify a picture of like, you know, I want this salary level, I want this type of organization or not this type of organization, and then you start to get curious about the job descriptions that are out there and the job postings that are out there, and kind of referring back to your list and saying, Okay, now that I've sort of realized what I want how does this How does this stand up to that?

So yeah, so I know that it is a challenge for people sometimes to look at her to find those jobs and opportunities. And I think one of the easier ways to find it is figuring out okay, well, what are the areas where I want to make an impact, and which organizations and companies are working toward that impact that you want?

And in getting curious about that, because once you kind of think about a company that looks up on LinkedIn, see who's working there, what kind of roles do those people have? start connecting with some of those people on LinkedIn, see if you can have a conversation. Sometimes that's easier than just browsing what's already out there.

VL: Yeah, that's a great point. Because like I said, when you're seeing the job descriptions, they all start to kind of mesh together and they all look really great. But then you don't actually know. Because who's writing those, write the person who wants to hire you, not necessarily the person who's already in the room or the people who are already in the industry. So yeah, that's a great idea to really do your due diligence. I mean, you're going to be at your job for say, 40 hours a week, 20 different hours a week, right? So you may as well take that extra time to, you know, invest in that time to make sure that you're making the right decision. And I imagine in a space of maybe being in between jobs or being frustrated with where you're at it's really easy for us to just grab the shiny object or maybe skip over a couple of steps and just go for what looks good in front of us. So in those situations, like how do we navigate through the excitement and the scarcity and the fear, but also, you know, like, going for what we want, how do we move through that piece of it? Maybe it's mindset, maybe it's emotion..?

[13:13] ES: Yeah. Yeah. So that's a fantastic question. What I really, really, really like people to know is that there is no wrong decision. So let's say you take a job because you're just really stressed out about your bills and paying rent and you just really need to do that thing. Now, I do encourage people to be very realistic about the level of energy and commitment that any kind of job takes, right. Because if you're working, you know, 60 hours a week for someone, and you're saying, Oh, well, this is just a bridge job and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna keep looking. Well, that might not be realistic, right? Whereas, can you take something that's more part time or can you can you even negotiate with somebody who wants to make you an offer to do it part remotely? or can you look at decreasing the number of hours and kind of helping them out in a different way?

So, but getting back to this idea that there is no wrong decision, you might take a little detour or it might take you a little bit longer to get to where you want to go, but there really is no wrong way to do it, and I would liken this to the experience of, you know, when I decided to start building my business I signed up with a business coach.

And I was like okay, this is what I'm doing right and it's so easy to lose sight of that vision and lose that confidence in what you're doing because you're like wow I really like this this is gonna be tough. I don't exactly know what I'm doing every time I sit down to work on this like it's, it's hard.

You know, so I continued to apply for jobs, maybe even. I don't even know how many, like eight, nine months after I started my business. Because I just thought, wow, this is what I know. Even though I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore and I don't want to be in these environments anymore.

You know, this just feels like the known versus the unknown. And I was lucky enough to not have secured that, you know, that job that I applied for those couple of jobs that I applied for.

But I still believe that even if it had worked out that way that I had taken those jobs, that would have taken me a little bit longer to get to where I am right now in my business, but I still would have gotten there eventually. So don't be scared to make the wrong decision. But as much as you can, if you know if you can lose that scarcity mindset and hold true to your vision, I do think it'll reap the rewards faster, if you can do that.

[15:40] VL: Yeah, that's such a great point. And I feel like it's definitely easier to say than it is to do because I've been in situations like that before to where even when I've decided, Okay, today is the day that I'm going to commit to my new business. And I set the launch date and I said when I'm going to show everyone my website, and I'm excited and I'm gearing up for it. And then I can recall the exact moment where it was when I received a phone call from someone who is really excited that she was opening a wellness studio and wanting to include me in a pretty high level position. And although I am still in the wellness and fitness industry because I was really love it and it brings me joy at that point in my life. That wasn't my goal. That was my goal to be in that type of position. And so to me, it felt like a real test. It felt like a real test in my commitment to myself and to what was the goal that I had as a projection for myself. And it was so easy for me in that moment to be like, Oh, that sounds exciting. I'm very happy for you. And I think I can remember the moment so well was because when I actually said no thank you I felt so much better than I imagined if I would have said yeah, let's do it. And oops, I regret that. Because when I said no, no, thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you thought please keep me in mind for you know future collaborations or whenever I have like the love to help in any other way. That I can't. This is not for me. And luckily I was able to refer a friend who I thought would position. I mean, looking back now years later, that business doesn't exist anymore, but mine does. And so, you know, we can't see the end. I mean, this isn't even the end. For me, but you can't see into the future. So you really don't know. But I'd like what you said about you know, you're not making a wrong decision. You're making a decision and I feel like if you can get through these tests, you know, you're still going to end up where to be in my distinct view a little bit of a roundabout way there. So, yeah, do you have, like you said for yourself in your own experience that you didn't get the jobs that you're applying to? Are there other experiences or other moments or maybe with your clients that have experienced something similar to that?

ES: Yeah, for sure. So it's definitely happened for me before where I didn't even have a job and I was offered a job and I just knew that it wasn't the right next step. I knew that wasn't where I was meant to be. And I've said no, I've declined job offers, even when I didn't necessarily have anything lined up which is scary.

But I know that I did make the right decision.

As I said before, there is no wrong decision. But I really made the best decision for me at that time and I was happy with that decision.

And so that's happened for me and also more recently.

You know, she was like somebody had offered her a job, and she knew that it wasn't quite what she was envisioning as her dream job had kind of landed in her lap. And, you know, and she was saying, Oh, but you know, I really don't want to be in the same place. Like a year from now, where I still, you know, I don't have another job like maybe it's just easier to make this shift. And I think that's one of the benefits and great reasons to get a coach is someone can be accountable to your vision. And I said to her, I said, ugly, you know, we went from not taking this job to 12 months down the road like not having the job that you wanted.

So, you know, I think that's a big leap to make. And, you know, and I don't. Yeah, so I helped her stay true to her vision and declined that offer.

VL: Wow, that was very scary.

ES: Again, it's also that it's, it's also in a sense refreshing and affirming that you that I think it's an a lot of self worth. You're saying to yourself, I'm choosing my goal. I'm choosing my commitment. I'm choosing my vision, versus just going for the thing that feels right or doesn't even feel right but it's just like it's there.

VL: Yeah. I know when it's such a whirlwind and then I feel like you look back a year later and you're thinking, oh my gosh, I took that so seriously, or I was so worried about the turned around. And actually, I can think of the opposite time that this has happened to me where I didn't have a job. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. Someone was like, Do you want to do this? And I said, Sure. And it changed my life for the better. So it was I was teaching yoga and yoga was my life and I loved it so much. And then I got fired for my first yoga job, which that's a different story in itself. But anyway, so I was training at a different studio. The owner really liked me and liked how I taught and she said, do you teach Pilates? I said, I didn't want to and I said sure.

With her she was my mentor. She helped me through pilates reformer Pilates Chairboys like I was teaching all these different things. And fast forward to seven years later, I bought her studio and now co owned this beautiful Pilates studio and I barely did any yoga so oh my goodness.

Kind of a cool, full circle moment for me. I would have never like to take the dog out of I don't want to say scarcely it did still excite me. Pilates wasn't really my thing, which is hysterical now to think about that. But it's amazing where you end up and, you know, again, it's like, I didn't let go of my vision at the time, but it would have definitely been helpful to have someone there to say it's okay to say yes or it's okay to say no.

So that's, that's a huge I imagine for you something very satisfying about what you do is helping people through that time. 

[22:20] ES: Yeah, definitely. And something that I noticed you said earlier, just about, you know, your commitment to your vision, I think, yes, there is that commitment side of things, but I also just believe, number one, you've got a job and even out there, right. I find their current situation, that it's hard for them to even believe that there wouldn't be a job or in the organization or something else that they could do that really would bring them joy, where they would feel like it's rewarding and it's a good fit and they're excited.

So I think that it's not just like belief in yourself, which I think is important and that also that commitment to yourself to doing the hard thing. But I also think it's just that belief that something else like that is out there. And that's the other piece that I think that I hold for people because I've been through so much. For those who don't know, career coaching is my second career. And I spent 15 years in nonprofit and my story also includes, you know, being let go from a job actually multiple times for me. So, you know, having been through and navigated so much and continuing to catapult myself to the next level despite every setback. You know, I hold a lot of belief in what's possible. And I think that's an important component that I bring to the table as well.

VL: Yes, and it's a it's a good point because like I said, I myself haven't really been in a conventional career setting I have, but in an unconventional way, so I guess, the upgrade conventional, but what I will say to that is that I do teach and work with a lot of people who are in those types of settings. And a lot of the conversations I hear and it's kind of very different kind of in passing, you know, type of conversations, but what I'm hearing is things like the devil, you know, is better than the devil. Don't.

To be completely honest, the feat that I had is that I don’t want to get a J-O-B because that sounds horrible!

And I don't know exactly what everybody's doing and what the components are and I'm sure everyone stays in their job for their own fear. I am on the outside. Oh my god, this sounds so but it is so true. Like the mindset and and maybe maybe this kind of going off on a tangent here but or a different different way. But is it part of the Career cultures and I define culture to think that like this is the box here and this is the number you are this is the role that you play? And you know what I mean? Like is because I feel like such an alien to it.

ES: Yeah.

VL: Explain that part of it to me, why do people keep saying the “devil” thing?

ES: Hahaha the devil thing. Yeah, that's really interesting. And I would say it kind of goes back to what I was saying about the fact that some people get so discouraged, so disempowered, and they've seen enough workplaces where things don't operate in a way that's positive.

Yeah, that's really interesting. And I would say it kind of goes back to what I was saying about the fact that some people get so discouraged, so disempowered, and they've seen enough workplaces where things don't operate in a way that's positive. And they just think you're on my thing, right? So it's just that belief in that possibility or that awesome company or that awesome role that exists out there for that or so I would say yeah.

You know, like, for myself, I spent 15 years in nonprofit and I try to think about how many of those years I spent in a positive environment that I felt really aligned with. And a small percentage it wasn't 100% By any means more close. And what I found is sometimes I felt like I had to suppress who I was.

And because, you know, I, I didn't fit into the culture and you know, I'm somebody who is shy, someone who was you know, I remember coming into work, and just, you know, just being a good morning person. And it was really weird, like, it's just kind of more normal for people to be like, like, one day or this and not and I do find it's really easy to get sucked into this idea that this is something we have to do. By no means do we want to be here. This is just a means to an end. But then you end up living your whole life as a means to an end which is interesting.

So yeah, so I think I think it's easier to find it in me and not see the other way. 

[27:20] VL: Yeah, it definitely is. something I've noticed… Negativity, complaining It's that I noticed that I complain more when I'm trying to fit into a conversation. because I actually did this challenge where you wear like a bracelet on one hand, and every time you complain, you're ready to switch on to the other wrist. And so I was constantly switching my bracelet back and forth.

And I'm thinking like, oh my gosh, I'm changing so much because I did not enjoy it. I did not like that about myself. And it was that I was really only complaining in group settings. when other people started to complain. So that I find is really interesting, especially when we talk about career culture, because a lot of careers Don't. You're not really – from what I understand a lot of careers are very collaborative, or you're working near other people, even if you're not working with them. So to be able to, you know, be yourself in the group and to have your own opinion and to be creative and to share and have the courage to share your ideas or to set boundaries like that there's a lot going on there. Like I said, there's a lot of room for support from someone like you and you're looking for the right setting for the right community because you're spending most of your life in this place. 

ES: Yeah. I'd love to think about that. I don't I don't know if people think about it that much. Yeah, and, and even just having the right questions to ask to see the right environment. like I know I do a little bit of part time work as a recruiter. And I know one of the things that people asked me in that first intro call if. “So what's the work culture like?”

And I find that really interesting because it's such a general question. And to your point before about the job description, it's like, this is a little bit of sales. Like we're trying to, we're trying to fill the role. And so when you ask a really general question, you're gonna get a very general answer, and it's probably going to be skewed to the positive because, like, you know, I wouldn't have a job.

Or I wouldn't be very good at what I was doing or successful at what I was doing if if I was painting every organization in a negative light while trying to get somebody to work there. Doesn't make sense, right? But if you've asked a very specific question something like, you know, what is your approval process for communication?

And so something like that might highlight to them or they don't really have a positive process, or maybe they have five people that need to review each piece of the communication cycle. so that you see this as an organization with a lot of red tape. So essentially when you identify for yourself what you don't want.

And so something like that might highlight to them or they don't really have a positive process, or maybe they have five people that need to review each piece of the communication cycle. So that you see this as an organization with a lot of red tape. So essentially, when you identify for yourself what you don't want, Kind of like, you know, we're looking for those patterns in the current clarity exercise. then you can ask specific questions to ensure that you're not entering it by an environment or accepting a job where it's gonna be similar and have similar problems.

VL: Yeah, that's a great point to make is getting more specific with that because a lot of the times like I said, you're either excited for the opportunity that you're that you think you're getting into, or you just need something fast. So you're just going through the motions, but to be specific about that. 

ES: Yeah. That's a great point. Yeah. And I also wanted to add, you know, because we're talking about that culture of negativity and calculating 100% I find that I do the same thing and I caught myself saying to my dad, just you know, like when you're kind of like, not fully present in the conversation, you're just in your own mind and just kind of speaking on autopilot. I said something like well, nothing for nothing. And I was like, uncover something that like I've been tied and something that I, you know, stay or like to fit in or this is, this is the acceptable response or acceptable reaction to you know, this. It was just so interesting to me and I and I do think that it's so much about what happens like, you know, when we're just in environments with other people who were complaining or they're saying stuff and then you're like, oh, shoot, like that. That didn't work.

I guess some understanding now has, like things that I grew up with or things that are normal in our like in our society. And one of the most intentional things that I did when I started my business was I exited my personal account on Instagram and then with my business, Instagram, I didn't follow any of those thumb card accounts that are like well, it's bucket o'clock. You know, and, and all of that because I thought, you know, I want to be seeing positive things, helpful things inspiring. things.

And if something is upsetting you triggering me putting me in a negative mindset, affirming that every job has like, one o'clock type hour, Then I don't want to buy into that and I want to feed myself was like, wow, that's, you know what I think about you is that, I mean your business sunny side up coaching that has such a fun, like a positive spin.

[33:03] VL: Wow, that's you know what, and I think that is kind of what I'm most drawn to about you is that I mean your business sunny side up coaching that has such fun, you know, like a positive spin on things. And I think as you think, as someone like myself, who I don't want to say I'll never be in this conventional career setting, because I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But this gives me hope that there is something out there for me if I needed that or I can recommend this to you because I know that you're going to support and not just kind of I don't know I don't I don't love that negative kind of culture to it. I just find it unhelpful or maybe like it deters me away from wanting to do, because like you said, just separate yourself.

Why would you want to be a part of that? Yeah. So I'm very excited that you're, that you're switching gears with that and I'm creating a space for people who want to have a positive career and experience in that. so that's really amazing. and I applaud you for that.

Yeah, I'm excited because you've given so many incredible tools today, and I feel like I'm inspired to just even get some more clarity on what I'm doing now. but before we get into some other details and the last, like the last segment of our show, Is there something that hasn't been said that you really want to share?

ES: Yeah, that's a great question and to what you're saying about funny sign up coaching, like it is named for my optimism, and I think that, you know, in every situation that I've been in and a lot of tough situations in my career and experience setbacks and job loss.

I think that I'm someone who really persists, like almost like, what's the word I'm looking for, like, unrelenting.

And I think, you know, it's kind of as you were saying, like, when you were feeling like an alien in certain environments, and I'm like, Well, I can be your fellow alien and I can remind you of what's possible and and what you deserve when it comes to your career, and I can help you find that. So yeah, so I think that's how I like to leave things off in terms of, you know, to close everything out. 

VL: Yeah, I love that. That's it, it's true. Optimism, persistence, and I think that's what you need every day, is to have that beside that positive mindset because what's the point if you're not enjoying life?

ES: Yeah, pretty much.

VL: Where can people find you? Where can they follow you, and how can they support your business?

INSTAGRAM @sunnysideup_coaching

WEBSITE www.sunnysideupcoaching.ca 

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

ES: The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

ES: It was really interesting, I went camping with my parents. A few years ago. And I remember my mom saying to me, she's like, well, you know, sometimes I just wish you and your sister would take a bit of initiative when it comes to, you know, packing things or doing things and I thought about that a lot. And what I realized was okay, like if someone who's constantly correcting you and saying, Okay, well start with this, don't do that. You know, oh, no, let's pick this up. Not like that. And what that does, is it disempowers you right, and teaches you to not take initiative and not because, you know, if you do that you'll be corrected whereas if you don't do anything, you don't stand. So, for me is a really quick example of what empowerment means to me. It's building positive freedom. What happens when you take initiative and we take risks how you talk to yourself when something doesn't work?

3. What is your longest standing habit?

ES: My longest standing habit of brushing my teeth? But I'm really proud of how long I've been taking supplements or I started during the pandemic's chatting, like having sessions with my naturopath and that's been my longest standing one for the last three years and other things I've been on and off like midday walks, but that's at least one that I've stayed consistent with.

4. What are you currently working toward?

ES: I am working toward hiring a second person well, actually almost like a third person into my business.

And so that's really important, but also just working toward being a great manager for the people that work for me.

[40:04] VL: Oh I love that so much. It’s really, really cool and exciting! Congratulations! Thank you so much for being part of the show. You are welcome any time and I think what’s so wonderful about what you do is empower people in their careers, and that is very special.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E222: 7 Things to Do for a Smooth Month Ahead

It is possible to have a smooth month ahead, especially if you take the time to do these seven things!

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[00:37] Welcome back, thanks so much for joining me! If you’ve been listening to the show for a while you may already know about my “Monthly Accountability Meeting.” This is an appointment I have with myself at the start of every month, and I’ve got to be honest with you, I have been SLACKING!

I have been avoiding this meeting and I think it’s because of a few reasons, but the main one is I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with some slow months, some incomplete/unreached goals and even though I KNOW having this meeting helps me get back on track, there is a sense of shame lingering.

So I’ve made two decision:

1. I wanted to admit this to you because I wanted you to know that not everything in my world is perfect. Yes this is the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, and sometimes empowerment means owning who you are on the good days and bad days.

2. And my second decision is that I am revamping my Monthly Accountability Meeting to make it more exciting! I am going to do my Accountability Meeting at a cute cafe instead of at home where I can avoid it really easily. This month I will be doing the meeting at Wet Coffee, a little cafe in Oakville, ON. 

Not only am I revamping WHERE I complete this Accountability Meeting, but I’m also going to mix up some of the things I am tracking. 

So, let’s get into it!

[2:05] The first thing you want to do every month is  #1 Set the Vibe

Do this for your meeting, and also for the month ahead. As I mentioned, I’m in a cute cafe, with a lovely coffee and an almond croissant. Before I even get into the details, I’m centering myself in the present moment.

ASK: How can I show up as my fullest, most present self in this meeting?

If it helps you to create the vibe in your space you can light a candle, play some music, diffuse essential oils, set up your crystals, clean your desk, you get the idea. You do you boo.

It’s helpful to decrease distractions – one of the reasons I’m not completing this at home. Put your phone on airplane mode or do not disturb, let people in your home or office know you are not to be disturbed, or leave and go somewhere else like I did haha.

I usually take a few deep breaths, maybe close my eyes and feel my feet planted on the earth to help ground me in the space. I take as many breaths as I need to and show up present and prepared.

If you remember from last week’s episode we talked about the practice of releasing tension and setting intention.

Now, set the vibe for the month ahead. 

ASK: How do I want to feel this month? How do I want to show up for myself and others?

Get clarity on what is meaningful to you and what feelings you want to embody. I encourage choosing 1-3 feelings for the month. Once you have those “feeling words,” open up the alarm app in your phone and create a new daily alarm with the label of your 3 feeling words. So that every day, when the alarm goes off, you see the feeling words and connect to them in that moment. 

This month I’m using the same three words I did last month: STRONG, JOYFUL, PURPOSE

[04:13] Speaking of last month, the next thing you want to do at the start of every month is #2 Review the Month Before

What you review should be meaningful to your goals. If this accountability meeting is for your health and well-being, you want to be tracking and measuring actions related to your health. If this is for your business, you want to track things that are meaningful to your business. 

If you aren’t sure what specific things you can be tracking, consider your goals and what actions need to be taken to reach those goals. 

For example: If you want to improve your overall health and wellness, you can track how many workouts or classes you went to each month and even the types of classes. You can take physical photos of your body to measure your progress, and you can track how many meals you made at home. 

For myself, these accountability meetings are for my business mostly. Even though there are a few things that I track and change each quarter, there are still a few things that stay the same. For instance, every month I track my spending. This includes how much I spend in different categories (like supplies, wages, etc). I also track how much money I make from my different services and offers.

I have a few different goals this year such as: participating in more speaking opportunities, monetizing the podcast, hiring help in some areas of my business, and building a Youtube channel.

BUT the day before I was producing this episode I received an email from my podcast host subscription site that said the Women’s Empowerment Podcast was eligible for monetizing so you may or may not be hearing ads at the start and end of the show. THIS IS A BIG DEAL my friend! I am thrilled to be able to continue serving my audience while I build my own wealth which allows me to grow in so many more ways, and support people too. So THANK YOU for listening, thank you for sharing, and if you’re on YouTube thank you for watching! It means a lot to me.

Some other things I track every month are:

• Time tracked on business tasks 

• Days I’ve taken completely off

• Times I went out of my comfort zone

• Which podcast episodes performed the best that month, and of all time

• Where leads came from 

• Social media outreach and ROI (for each platform I’m on)

• What I’m most proud of 

Once you feel like you’ve really combed through the previous month, and you’ve assessed the data that you’ve collected, you can be better prepared for the month ahead.

If you’re collecting the right data, you can make more informed decisions moving forward. It also helps you to see what is working, and what isn’t. You can either bring more energy and attention to the parts of your life and business that aren't working to help support it, or perhaps it’s something you need to tweak or let go of. 

Last year I felt like I was losing so much focus in my business so I hired a business coach to help me centre in on what was most important and support me through leveling up. 

Some of our goals will need more than a month at a time to complete, but checking in on the bigger goals each month, and creating smaller tasks and action steps to get to those bigger goals is going to help us move forward better and faster. Because we see what is working, and what is slipping through the cracks, we can then rearrange and spend our resources more wisely. 

[08:05] With the information that we’ve been able to collect, and after reviewing the data, we can now move on to the third thing we can do at the start of each month #3 Set Goals for the Month Ahead

I think a lot of us get really excited about this one and are eager to dive right in! And listen, I get it, because that’s me too!

And I REALLY want to emphasize how important it is to review the previous month BEFORE setting goals for this month. Take it from me, you will achieve your goals in less time, and with little to no burnout when you know where you’re starting from/coming from.

When you’re ready to set the goals for the month, circle back to the feeling word(s) that you set at the very first part of this meeting. When you think of your feeling words – I’ll use mine as an example – how can you tap into those feelings in the present?

My feeling words: STRONG, JOYFUL, PURPOSE

I feel strong when I move my body consistently, especially at the gym or in a reformer pilates class. I also feel strong when I take risks and follow my intuition. I feel joyful when I’m around the people I love, and when I’m interacting with others doing the work that I do. I feel purpose when I am speaking and sharing my truth authentically, when I am able to empower and support women with their own health and life. 

ASK: How can I tap into my feeling words in the present?

When you have this answer, you can start to understand what daily actions will help you reach your goals. 

For instance, showing up as my best, most authentic self means that I feel good in my body inside and out. I start the day with breakfast and a workout or movement before I sit down at my desk to create or share. This helps me feel STRONG in myself, and in my messaging.

ASK: What habits, routines, or rituals can I stack and track this month to support my goals?

Essentially what we’re doing is breaking our bigger goals down into smaller, more bite sized ones. With the goal of getting more speaking engagements and being a guest on other podcasts, I can break that goal down into actions like:

• Research podcasts that I would make a good guest on

• Write out complimenting topic titles for each podcast

• Listen to the shows I want to be a guest on

• Reach out/pitch myself to the podcast host

• Follow up with show hosts

Even though I have my own podcast, some of these actions intimidate me haha. Truthfully I’m nervous – and also excited to put myself out there!

[11:03] Something new I am starting to incorporate into the Monthly Accountability Meetings and what I believe to make a smooth and satisfying month ahead is #4 Adding Some or All of These Into Your Calendar:

Brunch meet up with friends: Get the gang together for waffles! Or whatever breakfast food you’re enjoying. Our gals like brunch so that’s what we do. Maybe it’s a pilates class and coffee date for you! Whatever, get together with friends.

Social media fast: either 24 hours no social media, or intermittent. I am really working on this one. I used to do 24 hours on the weekend, but I like the idea of intermittent social media as a daily/lifestyle practice. No social media from 7pm to 7am or something. 

Date night (minimum 1): My partner and I are pretty good at this, but it’s a little more spontaneous for us than intentional. It would be nice to have something on the calendar to get excited about and dress up for.

Day spent outdoors: I get outside every day, but as the weather starts to warm up, and even before it does, I’d really like to spend more time outside! I need some ideas of how to spend the day outside in the suburbs, or maybe share with me where you’re spending time outside and I can do something similar. Let me know in the comments on YouTube OR send me a dm @vallavignelife on instagram

An adventure day exploring a new town or place: I used to do this a lot more and IDK I guess I wasn’t being intentional, but I LOVE THIS. Short drives from where I live are so many little towns to explore and wander. Hmmm where should I go this month… also open to suggestions!

A day to do whatever fills my heart/excites me! Okay, I know some of these would be better as spontaneous things, however in my brain, if it doesn't get scheduled it doesn’t get done! SO instead I will block off a day to do whatever that is and allow the spontaneity to come the day of.

1-2 Body work appointments (osteo, massage): I’m pretty good at doing these, however similar to date night, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. It also helps me with boundaries in my schedule and self care.

White space in your weeks/days: I’ve really been trying to add these in daily, but I think I need to mix them up to be a little less frequent because I’m noticing that they aren’t non-negotiable for me OOPS! White space is a dedicated time to take a mental pause from work or other commitments and just let the mind wander. I definitely take breaks in a day but they don’t always feel like mental breaks. It’s a time where we aren’t stimulated by technology or tasks. 

Speaking of tasks, Catch up days to complete tasks: sometimes we make our to-do lists with more energy and excitement than we actually have to complete them, so I usually pop in 2 or 3 days a month for catch up or organize things in my life and business. Such as the current state of affairs of my office – YIKES!

As you were listening to this list, did any of them excite you or appeal to you? Notice which ones you’d like to add or incorporate into your own months. Maybe my ideas inspired ideas of your own. This is really about doing the things that light you up and are fun!

[15:08] Another thing to do for a smooth month ahead is #5 Create a (30 day) Challenge for yourself. This could also be a 21 or 28 day challenge instead. The idea here is that you have something you can measure, or stack into your current routines and habits that helps to support you and stretch you.

This challenge is meant to, as I said, SUPPORT YOU. Not stress you out more. You can also turn one of your habits or action steps for your goals into a challenge. For example, perhaps my challenge this month is to reach out to 5 podcast hosts a day for the next 30 days (total 150 hosts) and pitch myself to their podcast. If I said reach out to 150 people that might intimidate or overwhelm me. But 5 a day seems more manageable, and the “challenge” part of it excites the competitive nature I have to want to “win” or achieve something.

You may also know that I host 21 day healthy habit challenges – and I have very recently decided to change this up a little. Instead of hosting them seasonally, I will be hosting ONLY ONE CHALLENGE per year. Our last challenge started in January, however, I will run one more this year in April. You can get on the waitlist at www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

[16:57] Another thing you can do today for a smooth month ahead, and a new part of my Monthly Accountability meeting is #6 Write How the Month Went for You as if you’ve completed the month already. Write in the past tense. This is a manifesting technique. 

I used to be really into manifesting, and I’ve talked a lot about it in earlier episodes of the podcast. I’d like to bring that back into the show more and to do that I’ll also be practicing manifesting more myself.

Manifesting is turning your thoughts and ideas into realities. While a lot of people would categorize it as “wooey,” there’s actually quite the science to it – perhaps this will be a future podcast episode. 

For this specific manifesting practice, we are writing out, in detail, how the month went. Similar to a journal entry of what happened in your smooth month? Which goals did you reach? What magic or miracles did you witness? What pleasant surprises unfolded? What adventures did you go on? What obstacles or challenges did you overcome? And anything else that you’d want to write about in the journal entry.

You can do this in a dedicated book or a file on your computer. It’s fun to read what you wrote the month before and then write another one at the end of the month of what DID happen to see how or what you manifested and more.

It’s very important to be detailed and write it as if it already happened. Past or present tense ONLY. This is part of the manifesting magic, because our brain doesn’t understand what is real and what is an idea. So when it listens to it in the past tense, it believes it’s true and already happened. 

[19:06] One last thing to do for a Smooth Month #7 Pull an Oracle Card – or tarot, whatever. I have been doing this forever and it’s my way of closing the ritual. 

The deck I use is called Wisdom of the Oracle. I’ll link to it for you obvi. Usually for this practice I’ll ask a question like:

• What message do I need for [month]? 

• Or what will support me through [this month]?

• Or what is something I need to know going into [month]?

Something along those lines. If you want to pull multiple cards you can, or if there is a particular spread you can do that, but I prefer just one card for the month. This, as I mentioned, is a nice way to close the practice and maybe give you a little wisdom of something you were thinking of, perhaps confirmation, or just a nice little message from the oracle.

Wisdom of the oracle cards

[20:09] And since we’re on the topic of WOOEY THINGS, I have a little BONUS for you! Look up when the new and full moons for the month are going to be and plug those into your calendar also. 

New moons are all about new beginnings, manifestation, and intention setting. This date would be a good time to try something new, or start something new. It’s also a good time to set any goals that you want to achieve in the next 6 months.

Full moons are great for seeing the full picture of where you’re at with your goals. They are an auspicious time to receive the fruits of your manifestations, or perhaps they are more potent for letting go of what isn’t meant for you. The full moon will be a sort of ending to a chapter that began six months before. It’s an illumination of information and it’s up to you to do what you will with it.

Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of the podcast, please share this with someone you know would LOVE IT! And subscribe to wherever you are listening, or watching today.

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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