E203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses and Everything In Between with Amanda Kohal
 
 

E203: The New Socials Model: Social Media Boundaries, Instagram for Businesses and Everything In Between with Amanda Kohal

Founder & CEO of the Wolfe Co. Amanda provides business owners with access to reputable resources, community connections and trusted guidance/education to start converting on social.

After working as a brand marketing manager in corporate, Amanda ventured on her own and took her love of digital marketing and ran with it. From helping clients earn $10k from just 2 Instagram stories, $77k from one DM and $28K social media launches, Amanda has turned many personal brands and service-based businesses into cash cows.

Her efforts have awarded her two RBC + Women of Influence nominations and a Bronze in the 2019 Canadian Marketing Associate awards in the Customer Experience category…


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[01:30] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you all to Amanda Kohall. And first and foremost I do want to say because I have a feeling that Amanda doesn't remember this, but I've actually met Amanda, I want to say four years ago in person at an event in Toronto. Amanda was one of the speakers at that event. And it was for the Toronto business babes. and Amanda came in and she was just about to get married. It was like, days before her wedding.


And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.


And she was talking all about social media and social media marketing and building this community and it was just so enticing to watch her passion for this topic and to see her just so lit up about something and I know that.


Amanda Kohal: I remember the event. And I remember being in a little bit of a state of panic. Like why did I sign up for this? It was I think two days before the week of the wedding, which is like, not a time to be doing those things, you know?


VL: Totally. And since then I've followed you on social media. I've watched you quit your corporate job and start off on your own and then new to Mexico and dope this crazy cold like community on social media. and I am one of your wolfies from your wolf membership.


And I think for me it was just like, again, watching how passionate you are about something but also seeing how you knew exactly what you're talking about because you had done it. And I think that really attracts me to people and wants me or makes me want to work with them more is because I'm like, Oh no, they've done it. And the other thing I'm gonna say because it just couldn't keep saying nice things about is that you really connect with people. Like you really get into conversations and not just like you know, double tapping and post and you're not just saying like, emojis on people's comments and social media, which all of us know that. So I just wanted to say like, thank you so much for all the help that you've done for me and for my social media and for my social platforms, and for being an inspiration to me and reminding me that like you actually, I have a really cool job and I love what I do too and helping me be that passionate because you're like the mirror or like you're someone that I am inspired by every day. So yeah, just want to share that with you. Welcome to the show! *laughs*



[04:33] AK: If they could only see your facial expressions right now. Like I'm the crying emoji right now, the watering of the eyes emoji. But I mean watching your journey has been not only inspiring to me too, but it's taught me a lot about the way people actually take action on, you know, lessons being taught and you're one of those people you always will implement stuff that works for you. but you do it almost immediately and consistent with it, which is just like a dream for anybody. who is teaching these topics. We just love to see it actually being put into action.


VL: Absolutely. So one of the I think I can think of one of the examples is you will do or you have done many training sessions on your Instagram, and mostly through stories you say like okay, here's the tip of the week or like, here's what we're focusing on this week. And I will watch those and I'll think about it for a moment like okay, how does that work for me? How does that work for my business? And I think the one specific example I can think of that I've definitely been consistent with is like numbering my stories. So you'll say that I learned that review. So if you have four stories, or 10 stories or two stories, you say like one out of 10 One out of two, one out of four, and it helps people tap through or like listen through because they're like, Oh, I know that expectation of okay, I'm gonna be here for, for 15 seconds. Right.


And I, I mean, I don't know if that specifically changed the engagement in my stories because it's hard to find the exact insight for that, but I will say that since since taking action on your tips I definitely have a little bit more of that cult like following and community and people are definitely really engaged in the conversations that I'm sharing, especially with stories and I know that I know that you like living in stories too. I love watching and following along.


[06:35] AK: I mean it's the first consistency though. And you hear that tip from anybody who talks about social media is just be consistent. Just show up. It's, you hear it so much that you kind of drown it out. But when you actually do it, it means everything and it takes you from point A to point Z quite quickly. If you can just be consistent. And I mean, the story is stuff. You know how I feel about online user experience and user experiences that are already really familiar, online. And that numbering of the stories is exactly that. So if you're ever taking a quiz online, you'll notice they have progressive forms, and they'll let you know that you're 10% done or 50% done to keep you going because you have that milestone you have that benchmark And in your head, your subconscious, you're just like, well, I might as well keep going. I'm halfway there or 75% or two more questions. So we're mimicking that behavior because it's super familiar. and when something's really familiar, people usually can relate to it and they can take action on it.


VL: I love that. And it's actually something that we do a lot with the Women's Empowerment Podcast and also with my coaching, it's like obviously, consistency with habits is really what's going to make the transformation but it's also about taking action and so with every single one of my podcast episodes, right before I start, I always asked myself I'm like, Okay, what's my intention for this episode and on top of the intention for the show, always it's, I want to inspire the listener to take action. And so when I have a guest on the show, as you know, we do a little pre-form. I asked you what something that people can take action on today or within the next 24 hours. Because really, that's where I've been so consistent with the show and actually someone asked me yesterday, they're like, how do you have this many, like downloads of your podcast because they have a podcast and I told them like, consistency was the big thing.


but also the intention behind it. so I know that you are in social media management and a lot of people that you work with are also in social media management. I am part of your community. I am in health coaching. so you do serve quite a few people. Can you talk a little bit about other people that you've worked with in other types of industries?


[09:10] AK: And I would say working with other social media managers and marketers, organically, it was never my intention. When you first started Social. They all tell you because they like gurus and you know, maybe even myself is find your niche. Find your audience who you actually want to get in front of. But the more that you create content and your content evolves as it should because your business is always evolving. You'll notice that the audience does too. And you'll find yourself in these really unexpected places that surprise you sometimes. So when I started to notice that influx of social media managers and marketers coming my way, I really had to take a step back. What is it about my content that's attracting? Because you see on Instagram, especially, you know, our social media manager listening to this, or you follow a lot of social media managers, you notice in the comment section, it's like 80 to 85% other people in social media, as opposed to that social media marketers, target audience, but there's no action being taken beyond the comment. 


Whereas then in in my community, I was helping the social media managers, you know, setting up their social media, teaching them some things that they might not have learned previous. and I really, really enjoyed it because I found that I could nerd out with them and we could talk about,you know, maybe, we could have that kind of war, which was really nice too.


It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.


It can be so lonely, and you've got your support team, your family, your friends, sometimes your partner, whoever, but they still don't get it in the same way as somebody else running a business.


A couple in the E commerce space, but I definitely don't claim to be an expert in E commerce, but primarily online service providers. And another little pocket of the community is influencers and content. Creators, which has been really interesting and actually a learning curve for me, because I run my business as a business account would, whereas a content creator influences or shows up online in a completely different way. It is like the most insane operation, the amount of work that goes into that content is another that we just don't see a lot of stuff. So the community is built up with quite a few people but wherever you happen to fall into that.


[12:25] VL: So glad you said that to how these different businesses run really differently in terms of like their social media and their content and how it's all done. And I've seen your evolution, I mean only in the last four years, which I feel like you've done a lot in the four years since you got married to moving to Mexico to move back home and and now you're renovating the home and all these things. but I've also been able to see the evolution of your membership and your offerings. and, you know, I don't even think you're on crap. What was that app that everyone was on, but it was like an audio app?


AK clubhouse house?


VL: Yeah! Does that still exist?


AK: It still exists and we think there's still opportunity over there. But again, like it peaked and then what happened? Yeah, we don't know. 


VL: I don't even know. But I don't even know if I still have it on my clock to check that later.


​​So I've seen but like you were there a lot of showing up and now you're more on Tiktok and Instagram and all these different things. So it's been really cool to see how you've been diving in how you've been trying things on how you've been sharing what you've learned and through your experiences. And I know as of late, and you kind of mentioned this briefly was like you run your account like a business, not a content creator. And I think a lot of people who are not really taking a step back look at the big picture. People who don't really understand the behavioral sciences or the behavioral patterns of people of the things we're talking about, like seeing the progress bar and all these little details and nuances that you understand. Everyone who's just on social media who's just constantly absorbing information they think they need to be there all the time and show up all the time and be commenting and liking and the Guru's air quotes again, are saying like, send eight people a message and make sure you're using 30 hashtags, but not this hashtag and do this and do that, under so many rules becomes really overwhelming. And I think as an online service provider it's exhausting trying to keep up with everything. So I want to know how do you balance it all? How do you have a healthy relationship with your social media with your business, but I know also too, because you show up a lot and talk about self care. So how does that happen for you?


[15:00] AK: What does that look like in your life?


It took a lot for me to get a healthy relationship with social media. As you can imagine, it was really hard for me because my job is social media. But I think where it really clicked for me was when I was in Mexico. So when we moved there, I was all excited. I started a TikTok account for me and my husband called the CO hauls. He agreed to be in some of the tiktoks which is, you know, if you know my husband that is a huge stuff that he hasn't since I only did that because you wanted to do it but I really hated it. So I was like, we're not going to make you do things that you hate because then this is like a situation for any money. So I got all excited. and whenever we worked it out, it became about I have to get content, even if it's behind the scenes, just the camera.


But it really took away from the experience. And every single day I felt this anxiety that started in my stomach and it moved up to my chest and it would give me these headaches, and I couldn't sleep and it was this horrible, horrible cycle of just anxiety about capturing content, instead of being in this beautiful place and we were so lucky to save a skate Canada at the time, because we were really on lockdown over here. And I just said to myself and to him one day I'm like, are we even having fun here? Like have we been really taken?


How lucky we are to be here and just what a crazy once in a lifetime experience. So I said at the content. We're not gonna focus on that anymore. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to stress myself. Oh. And what I found was when I finally made that decision to just you know, be in the moment, and any content that was posted was so much more authentic. And it was perceived so much better by the community. That was when this cult-like community, as you say, and as I've called my borderline. 


But we're not really. That's when it really started to take off. And I think it's because people can really see when you're passionate about something and when it's organic. You can tell if there's something that staged and you see it all over social media, in the comment section, people how many times did they have to film this to get the right reaction or you can totally tell that this is acting where they had to redo this moment. So that was like a big, big thing for me. And then as well, I got one of these time block things, literally a cube that you can get off of Amazon.


White Timer Cube

Black Timer Cube


And I would start to do kind of the Pomodoro method. I think it's called where I only give myself 30 minutes in the morning to do my engagement for example. 


Now, this hour in the morning, I go out to my car and I film all my tech talks for the day. Once that hour is done. Even if I've only done one TikTok that's it. Now I'm moving on to the next thing. It takes so much discipline, and of course consistency. But once you get in a groove, it becomes second nature. Like I woke up this morning, and I just was okay. Let's go to the car. Do the damn thing and then we're on to the next which is talking to you.


[19:00] VL: Wow, I did not know all of that. That's so cool! 


The Pomodoro method is similar. So the Pomodoro method is when you set a timer and it's called the Pomodoro method because there's a Pomodoro timer. That's why it's called that so it's it's 25 minutes of doing a task, followed by a five minute break. so you have to stop after 25 minutes and take a break. and then you can go back to a different task or the same task for another 25 minutes with a five minute break and you do that four times or four Pomodoro, so one Pomodoro is technically 30 minutes, but it's like what you're saying is really similar, I would probably, I don't know if there's a technical name for it but I probably just called time blocking.


But that's really interesting. What do you do when you hear the timer and you're like, oh when I'm so close. One more, or like I just need to finish like, what do you tell yourself in your brain is like No Don't stop. Keep going.


AK: I mean, if my mid sentence, because I'm writing something or you know, I'm recording it TikTok. I'm going to finish that but then it's done. 


I really tried to stick to that because, of course, being in Mexico. I didn't want to work 910 1216 hour days like I was doing before. So I had to give him the practice of sticking to this time zone or this time slot and I know that if you gave me eight hours to complete a task, I would take the full eight hours to do it. Really I would do in the last hour of the day.


But then there's seven hours that is just kind of wasted or you've started a task you haven't really completed anything.


​​So I said no more of that. Why don't I just give myself our maps for bigger tasks or sometimes night depending on what it is and see what I can get done. And I noticed little by little every day If I was you know consistent with that. I was getting projects done. And it gave me time to you know, spend outside in Mexico.


It gave me the time back to actually build the community and connect with the community. because we think when we're on social media, We just got to get the post out and then it's on to the next thing, But more important than you posting is you actually showing up and engaging with that content and engaging with the responses and reactions that people are having with that content because that's their interactions is what brings it to life. And what can you will new ideas and conversations and new relationships, it can break the ice, in most cases if you were nervous to reach out to somebody.


My whole method and approach to social. And this new approach that I'm sure we'll get into is about giving business owners the time so that they can spend their energy in the right places on social. And as it stands right now, especially for Instagram, it's not a place for you to be creating content for all day. Because the algorithm, then the outcome of the algorithm does not speak to the content creator, which is not organically it's just it doesn't.


It speaks to outcomes, building relationships, nurturing, I mean, look at their stories in their DMS, how interactive that speaks to community building, it also speaks to conversion. So we need to now put the energy in the right places, so we're not spending all day scrolling, drooling. feeling like I got nothing accomplished they're only made this one Instagram post and now.


[22:55] VL: Absolutely. And since I've been taking action on your methods, I rarely post. I mean, I think I posted something really silly last week, but it was because it was for fun.


but it really reached out to my community like the post wasn't for me. it wasn't for my business. It was like, I had so much fun. This is something I want to share with my people because I feel like I know all these people even though some of them I've never met in real life.


And there was a lot of interaction there was also like, Hey, I'm I'm going to try this next weekend or I'm going to do this too. I'm like, Oh my God, let me know how it goes. I really identically want to know how it works for you. Like share that with me now. You know, and it's been so cool because you might stumble upon my page and you're like, oh, yeah, like that's cool. She has a couple 1000 followers and she posts here and there but it's my stories where the magic is happening. It's the stories where people are like, replying or liking and engaging in the conversations are and other people don't see that. I almost feel like engaged in my stories that my posts. And I think it's partially because I built that. like I've I've invited people to reply, I've invited people to engage. I've invited people to tap into share and all these things.


And I'm obviously more consistent in stories too but it's such a cool break, social media just like so much more fun when you take out this. Oh, I have to do something for the algorithm or like I have to post three times a week and it has to be like this.


AK: ​​None of that. None of that. 


No and you're you hit on to the you're making it fun. Again, and when you are having fun, I swear. Anybody who's watching is having fun too. You can feel that it's not forced. You're not posting in those days. You're not getting caught up in. Did I use the right hashtags? Did I add a location tag? Do I have the right filter on this photo? And the checklist goes on? I swear. I love Instagram because you know it really builds my business with me but I figure it out. Like they messed us. And I think it's true to people who are into scoring other platforms because they almost have PTSD from creating for Instagram. But you don't have to do that anymore. You see it with this generation that Gen Z if they're posting on Instagram, which I think is like cringe for them or chugey or whatever the word it looks like. They've taken a disposable camera and they're almost posting like old school Facebook album style. with these photo doubts, right? it's just very in the moment. they're actually putting instead back and Instagram and moving away from this overly curated space because how can you connect with curated it's not real.



[26:22] VL: It's so true. It's like everyone says like, oh, Instagram is the highlight reel and I'm like it is and it's scary because no one wants to do that. Well not no one wants to do that. Like I do like the aesthetic. I love being creative on my account. However I do try to make it a little bit more organic than not and I did because I'm like okay, well I know my brand colors and that's just what I wear. And so then when I posted It's tight, it's now but it just so happens to also suit my brand.


I wanted to ask you one more question about your time blocking before I asked you about your new method and what you have going on. And for the time blocking I know you've talked about being disciplined with the time Yep, wrap up what you're doing, but like this is what you're giving, giving the time to. in terms of that. How are you prioritizing? like can maybe we see like or can you tell us about a day in the life. The calendar kind of looks like a time.


AK: Yes, we can. Okay, so I was just writing down the categories. I even have to remind myself sometimes but basically my work has a variety categorized into different pillars. so I've got my main work, My client work, the work, just my projects, content creation. And then, in real time.


So we’re going to rewrite the four hour workweek to be the five hour work day.


Usually, I like to get done at the same time. And then I've got active time slots in my calendar for clients because I used to officially in my day was so disrupted with okay, I thought, a nice like two hour slot for me to be created creative, and then the rest of the day is just catching day where it had and then like a half an hour in between the next get in a creative or doing any project work. So when I started my business, I said no more of that. I want to make sure that whatever task I'm doing at the time, that's the part of my brain that I'm using. So I'm not none of this back and forth. Because going back to what I said previously, you get in that habit then of starting a lot of stuff, but you're never really making any headway and you're never completing it. Because your brain is going in all these different directions of Wait, I gotta be a creator right now. Wait, I need to do my taxes week. 


We can't call it like it's just, it's too much all the time and we need to kind of scale it back a bit. I've got stuff a time slot for me, my projects. And these are usually big projects my content creation slot where you know, I'm setting up my camera and I'll give myself sometimes it's half an hour, but usually an hour and I say go. You want to film your tiktoks do it in this hour. usually have a loose idea of what I want to talk about that day. But again, I don't try to script it so much so that it comes off nonorganic and then I've got my in real time work. And my in real time work is anything where I need to present so this would be what we're doing right now considered in real time. Or when I'm engaging with my audience that's in real time. So I physically have to be present. there's no amount of automation that could ever replace that. So that's kind of how I'm breaking up my day in terms of what I'm doing. And I found that it's really really helped me stay on task. and it's also given me flexibility to enjoy, you know, the afternoon, no matter what season it is.


[31:00] VL: Yeah, that's what you're saying. All these things are like, oh my goodness, I need to start doing this too because the calendar is just getting booked and booked and booked and booked and I always try to say like, okay, Valerie, this is the week we're going to really be disciplined with those boundaries. and then someone says, Hey, can you do this make sure. hey, can you teach this class? Sure.


But, ya know, I really really liked this I'm going to, I'm going to try it. I'm gonna try to take action on it. 


AK: You have you found thought that you have patchy days right where you've done a lot in the day, but you feel like you haven't accomplished anything.


VL: Totally.


AK: Always drove me nuts because you're putting in a lot of energy but you're like, I feel like I don't even have that one thing checked off my list to say like I did this. I accomplished this today.


VL: Yeah, I find for me because I run two businesses and one of them is a brick and mortar business. And the other one is virtual and because the brick and mortar business is like that in real time, almost 90% of what I do for my brick and mortar business is in real time. So I'm teaching, I'm replying to emails. I'm setting up the schedule. I'm scheduling the teachers like all of these things for the Pilates studio. It's so exhausting, because it requires so much more energy for me to be in front of a room of people versus being in front of my phone and filming some tech talks. And by the end of that day, I'm like I just don't have it in me to show up to show up quote unquote, online. I mean, I can again reply to DMS and I can be present for that but like in terms of face to camera or trying to be creative for somebody I'm like forget it. Like here's a B roll of me laying on the couch scrolling.


AK: Those ones always perform the best. Literally anyone there I've just been lying there. I look like I don't even know what I look like. And they always perform the best. I mean, it's hard to get into the habits. You teach that so you know what once you can get in that groove.


And you're good to gang. You're good to go and you've got a foundation to go back on.


[33:28] VL:Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great!


AK: Yeah, 100% I love that. I'm definitely going to try to implement that. Because I do have days off where I'm not at that brick and mortar business. And those are the days that I focus on my virtual stuff. But then it's like I tried to do everything in an eight hour day and I'm like wait is like a five hour workday. This sounds great.


But you know, it takes practice and I know that's not practical for every schedule, especially if you're working a nine to five still and then your side hustle is your five to nine whether that accompanies afterward, or work like you're gonna find the stuff that really works for you and if you are doing something that feels good. Make note of that and try to turn that into a habit, because I noticed when I sectioned off the different categories.


Man, it was just like a game changer for me. And I said this is how I can stick to a schedule because I've tried all that other stuff before and it made me more stressed out like the to-do list just became longer and longer. and like writing the to do list was added to the to do list so I knew I had a situation when that happened.


[35:20] VL: Oh yeah big time. I think the biggest thing for me is the to-do list stuff. Someone said If you spent as much time checking off the boxes and working on those tasks, as you did stressing about your to do list, you'd have half of those things done. And I was like oh yeah, that was a slap to the face I needed!


Okay, so tell us about this new method that you have created for business owners to really take back their time and be the business owner and not the content creator.


AK: Right. We may need a part two on this puppy but that's okay, there's all the information on my social media as well.


You know what I touched on it a little bit earlier. And it mainly came from two places. One was the entrepreneurs and business owners that I was working with. The common theme that kept coming up is I'm burnt out. I don't want to call my tech creator and have no time to work on my business.


Finding myself just scrolling on Instagram all day thinking what do I post? What do I do? So this really was the catalyst to me doing some more research and experimentation. And it was started to go deeper and deeper into algorithms of you know, some of the top platforms, so Instagram being one TikTok of course, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and I really wanted to look at what outcomes do each of these platforms serve? 


And in this research, I realized, Holy Hannah, Instagram doesn't even show my content to more than 10% of people who are already following me. And that was like a huge, I guess like red flag or trigger in my mind of this isn't a platform for content creators because a content creators primary goal is to get mass organic reach. You don't get on Instagram, expecting to get a lot of reach on Instagram, especially if you're not already an established is like buying tickets to a basketball game and then expecting to see a football game when you get there. It makes no sense. But we're on this hamster wheel I got a crate for Instagram I got a crate for Instagram. With algorithm doesn't even reward that type of behavior, but it does reward building a community. It does reward cultivating impact and converting. So why don't we put that energy over on Instagram? 


And then if you still are like, I want to create content still I still want to have some energy and maybe it's the hour a day that you're creating content. Do that on a platform that is built for content creators that actually had the outcome of mass reach. So a lot of people seeing your content, and right now that's Tik Tok. We could also put YouTube in that category. We could also put LinkedIn LinkedIn has fantastic reach on their platform. Create for the spaces that are meant for creators, and then save your energy to build relationships and spaces that were meant for building communities like Instagram. 


So Instagram basically has an identity crisis. They don't even know what their zone of genius is. they keep trying to you know, copy TikTok when they've got this beautiful stories experience. it's superior to any other platform I need TikTok hasn't fixed their stories yet. and their DMS like the DMS are full. I can voice No and an Instagram DM I can send you a video no Instagram DM, I can't do that over on Tiktok.


VL: Yeah, I think you've really hit the nail on the head with this because even just hearing it for the first time I felt this instant relief like oh my god, I don't need to keep creating and it's like, it's embarrassing. It's annoying. It's sad when you post something that takes all this time to create, like what you thought was beautiful and curated, but also really organic and not very organic, but authentic. And then you post it and you get like three likes on it or like 100 views on your reel and you're like, What the hell is gold baby? And you're like, what the heck Instagram? I just can't do this anymore. Meanwhile, I show up on Tik Tok like once a week, which I know it's not, that's not as many times as Tik Tok.


But I still get more views on Tik Tok, which I hardly ever go on anyway!


AK: Okay, so, TikTok though is the reason why you get that mass reach is because TikToks algorithm shows your content to 85 to 90% of people who aren't following you strangers. So even if you're posting once a week, you can ensure that the majority of people who are seeing that content, even if it's 185 to 90% of them, have no idea of who you are and who your brand is, and this is why it's such a powerful channel. It can give a taste of your brand. And now we drive them over from TikTok to your Instagram, which has those deeper dives or the community in there with you using stories or if you set up your Instagram page like a website because that's also a part of this method is treating your feed like a website answers every single question that you would ever find over there, the WHO THE what the when the where the how, yada yada yada. So if you treat it like that, you're going to spend less time on that hamster wheel and more time actually moving forward in your business



VL: Now since you said that I've seen more and more people who treat their Instagram like a website and funnily enough, that's how I search for businesses. It's either like on Google Maps, if it's a brick and mortar, or I'm searching on Instagram and even those brick and mortar businesses. I'm also looking at their Instagram because I want to see the pictures. I want to see the stories I want to see who's sharing who's posting who's doing those things. So it's it makes so much sense that you say that and I'm really glad that you're on this journey right now and that you're sharing this method. So where can we find you as well as more information? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business?


WEBSITE | www.wolfeacademy.co 

IG | @thewolfe.co 

TT | @amandakohal 


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

AK: Okay, my favorite book is Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid. And the thing I love about her books is she takes certain characters and sprinkles them throughout her books in some sort of fashion. It's a fantastic book. 

Right now I am finishing up a book called Because Internet [by Gretchen McCulloch] and it's about the language of online communities which all business owners need to listen to. This book will teach you more about having an online business than any course. 

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

AK: Doing things on your own terms. I mean, you know my story. It's coming from a corporate background where there was a lot of red tape. I never felt empowered to explore my creativity or explore what could happen if I broke a rule and I say that in quotations. but now with this business, I truly feel empowered to do that. and it's like through those mistakes that I've learned the best lessons and the business has evolved in a way that I could never even imagined before.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

AK: The longest standing habit is morning walks. I'd have to say so every morning, my husband and I will make our coffee and we make mugs not traveling mugs, okay like actual mugs, Ceramic, Porcelain, whatever. and we go for our half an hour to 45 minute walk every morning.

4. What are you currently working toward?

AK: I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. I am currently writing an ebook about this new approach to social media. Get me to talk. I could do that all day but the writing I'm finding it a challenge but I'm really enjoying it. and I'm just so excited for it to hit the Amazon ebook streets at some point.

VL: That's so exciting. I cannot wait to see that and read it and I'm sure I'm sure you're a great writer. I always like those books though. Where it feels more like someone's telling you a story or explaining something to you because it just flows better and you're like, Oh, I get it. I don't need this fancy lingo to understand a concept that you're trying to share. So I'm sure it's gonna be great. Everything that you do, has such a magic flair to it. 


And on that note, I want to say thank you so much again for being on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. You're an absolute joy to follow and be taught by. I really, really, really love learning from you. And again, I'm just really excited for all the other things that are coming through. And I haven't started on my new Instagram grid yet, but I am considering it because it feels a little out of my comfort zone. but it also feels like it makes sense to me. So you will see and hear about that soon, I'm sure.

Yeah, thanks so much. This was great! 

AK: Thanks for having me and we can talk about your grid. so don't worry, plenty of time for that.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E202: Three Ways to Elevate Your Habits
 
 

E202: Three Ways to Elevate Your Habits

If you’re experiencing a plateau in your current habits, then perhaps it’s time to elevate! If you need to take things to the next level, but you’re not yet sure what that is… Keep listening because this episode is for YOU!


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[00:42] Story Time

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. A little over a month ago, my partner and I visited Mont Tremblant, Quebec. Neither of us had been there before - well technically I have but not in the summertime. Anyway! We were walking in Old Tremblant when we decided to sit down on a bench by the river. While we were there we saw a young girl on her sailboat, and near where we were sitting on the dock, were her dad and her two brothers wrapped up in blankets.


I didn’t think much of our surroundings at first, but as we watched the girl on her sailboat I noticed a few things. I could see that the dad was communicating with her through a walkie-talkie or something. We could hear that he was talking and it sounded like directions or cues but I can’t say for sure. She almost tipped the boat a few times and it was really cool to watch her changing the sail and ducking under it and all that. I’ve never sailed before or really sat down to watch anyone sail before, so it was pretty neat. 


When she came back she shouted, "How did I do? What was my time?!"


The middle brother shouted back that her time was under five minutes. 


I guess that was good because she replied, "Haha I bet you can't beat that!"


And the middle brother said, "Yeah I can! I can do better, I can beat that time!"


And the little brother said, "I was cheering for you! Did you hear me? I was cheering you on! YA!"


For the rest of the day I kept thinking about this family and this dynamic. I couldn’t get them out of my mind! While my partner and I were making a fire later that evening I realized that this family interaction and these different energies are the combination that we need to push ourselves to get better and to support us with what we're working on.


We need The Challenger (middle brother) to push us so we can understand our limits and grow out of our comfort zone.


We need The Cheerleader (little brother) to encourage us and keep us accountable.


And we need The Charter (dad) to track us, measure our goals, and keep us moving in the right direction.


After hearing about each of these energies in this family dynamic, which of them do you need to elevate your habits and goals?


Perhaps you are ready to raise the bar higher, then you’ll need the challenger.


Maybe you’re in need of more encouragement, so you’ll need the cheerleader.


And if you aren’t sure what direction you’re in, or where on the path you are, then you’ll need the charter.


[04:20] Flowers Need Fertilizer 

Since habits take time, there comes a point where you feel like you're plateauing, but really you’re making invisible changes. Just like when you plant a seed. You place it in the sun, and water it. But you don’t actually see the seed grow, at least not yet! It takes time for the seed to sprout. And when it does, it’s still a tiny sprout that hasn’t yet blossomed into a blooming flower yet! There is still more transformation to come!


This part of your growth - the part where you’re watering, and getting lots of sun - it feels tough because you aren’t seeing the results. The people around you aren’t noticing them either. But they ARE happening, and you need to have faith.


Many times the consistency and perseverance through this phase is what makes or breaks your habits. All too often we give up because we aren’t feeling like the effort is enough.


In my Healthy Habit Coaching programs, I work with you to uncover where you are in your journey and together we understand what it is you need to get to the next stage of your journey. You can think of it like the fertilizer for your seed. It’s not what makes you grow, and of course flowers and plants grow all the time without it, however it can be very helpful for the health of the plant, as well as the speed at which it grows when it has the support of quality fertilizer!


For more customized support, the Make a Habit Mentorship program is my one-on-one coaching within a three month container. Together we create habits rooted in desired feelings, overcome limiting beliefs, unhelpful patterns and inconsistency, and stay excited with the habits that help you feel energized, confident, and healthier.


If consistency is what you’re striving for, and you are looking to build and stack habits with ongoing support, then the Healthy Habit Membership would be what you need. This is our group coaching offering to help you create new habits, routines, and rituals without adding to your already busy schedule. 


Lastly, we host a seasonal Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge. This challenge runs live globally. It’s a lot of fun as all of us are building different habits together! Our next challenge runs in early 2023, but they are ongoing, so check out THIS LINK to join the waitlist for our upcoming challenges.



There is one other option to elevating your habits, and that is the DIY route. This is a very great option if you’ve got the discipline and the focus to keep moving forward. And because you’re a listener to this podcast, I have faith that you ARE someone who takes action and strives for progress. 


[08:00] The Challenger

If it feels like time for you to raise the bar, and your focus is on “the challenger” energy, here are your best next steps:

1. Write out your goal


2. What would make this goal a LITTLE BIT scarier?


Sometimes this is quantity. If your goal is to walk 10k steps a day, maybe you increase it to 12 or 15k steps daily.


Sometimes it’s timing. You want to create work-life balance this month.. Maybe you shorten the timeline to this week!


As a bonus, another great episode to support you with this is Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success.



[08:58] The Cheerleader

If you’re in need for more encouragement when it comes to elevating your habits, then “the cheerleader” energy is what you need. Here are your next steps:


1. Start a self-love/gratitude journal today! Write down 1-3 things about yourself that you are grateful for every-single-day.


This is, in a way, its own habit. However it WILL elevate your life 100% and will give you the positive power to succeed.


If you’ve decided to add or create multiple habits at once, focus on how far you’ve come and what you’ve achieved so far.


2. Reach out to a friend who can give you the best pep talk. The friend that will remind you of how far you’ve come; the mountains you’ve already climbed; and the times you’ve already won.


Lastly, another helpful podcast episode for cultivating this cheerleader energy is, Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk



[10:05] The Charter

Of course, our last energy is “the charter.” When I think of this one, I remind myself that what gets measured, gets moved. In other words: track your progress. This method will really depend on what exactly your goal is. For everyone, it’s best to keep it as simple as possible.


If your habit can be automatically tracked, that is a bonus! Then all you have to do is check in with your app or automatic tracker every so often to manage your progress. Otherwise, a simple pen and paper does the trick. I have a new Achieve Planner, and I’ve written out a few habits that I want to track each month where I manually track my progress. Checking the box is almost as satisfying as the habits themselves!


Of course, I have a complimenting podcast for this one too! Episode 156: 6 Productivity Solutions You Need to Know


Okay you’ve got your next steps, and you’re ready to grow! Don’t give up on your current habits, routines, and rituals – you’ve got this!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E201: Occupational Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Seven of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E201: Occupational Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Seven of The Science & The Spiritual Series

The Science & The Spiritual series finale! Thank you for making these seven episodes so fun and informative! The information and tools shared in these episodes could be a paid course! WOW! Enjoy…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:28] Welcome back to the Science & the Spiritual Series here on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. This is part seven of seven! As we wrap up this incredibly informative series, I wanted to give one more thank you to Ceri who inspired this series when she requested similar topics to what we’re talking about today and on the other six parts of the show!


If this is the first time you’re listening to the podcast or the series, WELCOME! It is a pleasure to have you here. 


In this series we are discussing habits that fall under the seven dimensions of wellness. These dimensions are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational.


Each episode focuses on one of the seven dimensions. Within each episode I have chosen two to three habits to elaborate on and use as examples for building out this area of wellness. Also, each of the episodes talks about different tools that are either scientific or spiritual in nature. 


And while each episode is part of the series, they are all completely different! We are not going over the same tools, or concepts more than once in the series, so if you haven’t listened to the other episodes yet, I highly encourage you to!


When we introduce the occupational dimension of wellness, we’re talking about “preparing and making use of your gifts, skills, and talents in order to gain purpose, happiness, and enrichment in your life.” (source


Developing occupational wellness, more specifically occupational satisfaction, we are talking about your attitude as it relates to your work. This is important because achieving and maintaining optimal occupational wellness and a positive attitude leads to a better experience, pleasure and commitment to your job making it more than a job, but a purpose. It makes it more rewarding and meaningful.


The three “habit” examples for today’s episode are:

  1. Create a vision for your future

  2. Choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents

  3. Be open to change and learn new skills

I know these habits aren’t as simple or obvious as “drink a sufficient amount of water daily.” But the truth is, our vocational health IS a lot more complicated, and it’s also something very personal. 


With that being said, if this is an area of wellness that you are looking for more customized support with, I would love to invite you to connect with me further to see if my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program is a good fit for you. 


You can go to my website for more details and connect me there. 


[03:41] Occupational Habits: The Science 

I mentioned earlier that no two episodes of this series are alike, and I wanted to share a quick recap of the science parts of this show with you in this last episode.


In episode one we deep dive into the power of WHY and the scientific benefits of doing, and not doing, our habits.

Episode 189: Physical Habits


In episode two, we learn about different brainwaves and how to reach a balance between them for optimized growth, expansion, and lifestyle.

Episode 190: Emotional Habits


In episode three, we discover what self-directed neuroplasticity is and how to use the Habit Loop to create habits.

Episode 192: Intellectual Habits


In episode four, we break down the meaning and function of motivation with behavioural science.

Episode 195: Social Habits


In episode five, we looked at what it actually means to form a habit in the brain as our personality becomes our personal reality.

Episode 196: Spiritual Habits


And in episode six, we learned about the functions of the three brains and how they help us create and maintain habits.

Episode 198: Environmental Habits

In today’s episode… We’ll cover solutions for finding the best method to creating and maintaining your specific goals. [WORKING]


The tricky thing I’ve learned about the science of habits, is that there are SO MANY SOLUTIONS. Everyone is looking for the one magic potion, or the one single formula that changes any habit – but the truth is… there isn’t one single formula. In fact, there are thousands! And really we’ve covered 6 of them in this series so far. 


Here’s what we know for sure:

  • There isn’t one avenue to health

  • There isn’t one solution to a problem

  • There isn’t one method or formula to create a habit


Every human being is unique and wonderful in their own way. We all behave differently and have different goals. Because we are ever-changing, we’ll need to experiment with different habits ourselves to make them stick.


Something to keep in mind through your experiment is the reason why habits emerge. It’s simple: habits emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to work more efficiently. It’s about survival and comfort. 


So when you’re creating a new habit, you want to make sure you keep things extra simple, at least to start!


Let’s use our first example to break this down more. Our first occupational habit is to create a vision for your future. What methods of planning, preparing, imagining do you already use?


Meditation: meditate on the vision for your future. Picture it vividly.

Journaling: write out the vision for your future, spare no details.

Crafting: get out the magazines, scissors, and glue and craft a vision board for your future – I do this on my phone using images I’ve saved from pinterest. 


Use the tools or practices that work best for you. Not doing any of these yet? Choose one and experiment. To make this an ongoing habit, consider how far in advance “your future” is to you. Perhaps you have 1, 3, and 5 year goals. You can revisit this vision for your future monthly, yearly, or even weekly if the time frame is shorter. 


When you’re creating a vision for your future, you’ll want to focus on “what is possible” and in your meditation, journaling, or vision boarding, make sure to think, write, and create “in the present moment.”


Another important thing to know about our existing habits, is that when the behaviour becomes a habit, the brain stops fully participating in the decision making process. Meaning it stops working so hard since the routines and habits are unfolding automatically. This obviously makes our brains work more efficiently, but it’s also why breaking a bad habit can be so challenging. 


Let’s use our second example for this part. Our second vocational or occupational habit is to choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents.


This habit, in my opinion, requires an ongoing relationship with the self. Firstly, to choose a career that compliments interests, personality, and talents, you’ll need to know what those are. And again, we’re experimenting. Perhaps our habit should be that we’re always experimenting… hmm. I think I’m having an epiphany LOL!


A.B.E.: Always Be Experimenting. Try new things, develop your interests. Relisten to part five of this series to learn more about personality and habits, and of course discover and develop your talents through experimentation and practice! 

Episode 196: Spiritual Habits


Let experimenting be fun! Be a “YES” person for a little while and see what cool activities or places you’re invited to. You never know what you will learn or discover – even about yourself!


Although I believe self-discovery is an ongoing journey, I do believe that with enough play and experimentation, you will discover an interest, talent, or a few! In that case, get in the practice of building on your strengths and interests making these part of your new routines.


When you know these parts about yourself, you’ll be able to better choose a career that suits your interests, personality, and talents. I think all too often people end up in jobs they don’t love, or worse, positions they hate all because of the fact that our brain is choosing the easy route. So then you get in the habit of hating your job and then dreading each day, and well it becomes a horrible vicious loop. And unfortunately a lot of people are trapped in it. But you don’t have to be! Free yourself and reconnect to you!


And on that note, another thing we need to understand about forming a new habit, is that more often than not making a new habit means breaking an old one. More importantly, we need to believe that change IS POSSIBLE. Without belief, we’re S.O.L.!


Our third occupational wellness habit is to be open to change and learn new skills. I like this habit to specifically talk about believing in change, because this habit doesn’t start with the belief. It actually starts with openness. 


It reminds me of Dr. Seuss' story “Green Eggs and Ham.” Sam I Am is all about the green eggs and ham, and the whole story he’s trying to convince the antagonist to try these dang green foods. But said antagonist is totally closed off and will not have any of it. You’re familiar with the story I’m sure! Anyhow, eventually Sam I Am is relieved and excited because the antagonist tries the green eggs and ham and LOVES IT! But he wouldn’t have discovered this unless he had been open to trying it in the first place, that’s all this is about, trying/experimenting/learning/discovering. 


In total honesty I resist change all the time. We’re human, we all do. But there are a few examples of things that have really changed the way I do things because I tried:


On the theme of our green eggs and ham, I drink greens in the morning. I don’t love greens powder, however after about 6 months of this morning routine, I am starting to enjoy them more and also I really love how my body feels now that I’ve been consistent.


Another example is the photo cheque deposit function on my banking app. Learning something new can be annoying just because you’re not totally sure how it’s going to go and I’ve got to tell you, I LOVE THIS FUNCTION. I don’t even use it that much anymore but I used to a lot and it’s the greatest. 


Lastly, I have been avoiding making a new business card like the plague because I want a QR code on it and I had no idea how to do that. I have been told it’s simple but I still have to do the research to figure out how to do this. It’s embarrassingly easy and took me less than 5 minutes. 


One of the things I like to experiment with is more woo-ey type of modalities and methods, which brings us to the spiritual part of today’s episode 


[13:08] Occupational Habits: The Spiritual 

For this series I’ve been sharing different crystals and essential oils for each of the dimensions of wellness. There are a lot of these that can be used for each different area of wellness but I wanted to make each episode different so I don’t repeat any of the oils or crystals!


As a reminder, our three occupational wellness habits are:

  1. Create a vision for your future

  2. Choose a career that compliments your interests, personality, and talents

  3. Be open to change and learn new skills


While I do believe they are all different, they also have a lot of similarities and I’ve compiled four crystals and five essential oils that could be used in combination with each other and since we’re talking about experimentation in this episode, I’d like to invite you to listen the the selection and choose one you feel called to, or perhaps start with the first few and see what works for you!


Alright, I found these crystals on the goop website, so here’s what I’ve learned… (source


Pyrite

This crystal looks like and is also called ‘fools gold’ and is associated with attracting money and wealth into your life. Use this crystal to help you focus on bringing opportunities to fruition.


Tourmalinated Quartz

“If you’re feeling stuck, use tourmaline quartz to help break through writer’s block/ Meditate briefly on the protective energy of black tourmaline and the clarity of clear quartz to help clear your mind and release the negativity that is holding you back.”


Chrysoprase

“When fostering relationships and making connections, use chrysoprase to help focus on heighting your social skills.” This crystal is associated with strengthening your authenticity, opening your heart, and supporting heartfelt communication “so you can connect on a deeper level with those around you.”


Chrysocolla

This is a great crystal for motivation and initiating new projects. “It inspires a fresh perspective and stimulates ideas so you can take a concept and run with it.”



As for essential oils, I’ve selected ones I thought would be excellent for any business owner, entrepreneur, and anyone searching for more purpose and meaning in the work that they do.


Litsea the oil of Manifestation

This oil helps us follow our inspiration and urges. It helps us trust our intuition and act with confidence on the information we have.


Wild Orange the oil of Abundance

This oil inspires abundance, fosters creativity, and supports a positive mood. It teaches people to give without thought of compensation and know that in nature there is enough to go around. It also assists in individual natural creativeness. 


Ginger the oil of Empowerment

This essential oil helps people be fully present and participate in life. Using this oil empowers people to take responsibility and infuses a warrior-like mentality based on integrity, personal responsibility and individual choice. 


Coriander the oil of Integrity

This oil reminds people that there is more than one way to do something, and that fitting in often requires betraying the True Self. This oil of integrity, specifically integrity with oneself, moves us to a space of honoring and living from the True Self by giving us the courage to step out of the box and risking being who one really is. 


Clove the oil of Boundaries

This essential oil helps us let go of the victim mentality and helps them stand up for themselves, be proactive, and feel capable of making their own choices. 


Okay, well! I think you’re all set with the several different tools you need to help you incorporate these and several other types of habits. You’re ready to experiment and create new behaviours, rituals, routines, and habits!


If you are looking for customized support with your habits, I’d love to invite you into my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program and work with you in creating the new routines that will help elevate and improve all areas of your life!


That is a wrap on our seven part series for Types of Habits and How to Incorporate them in Science and The Spiritual Series! Take care for now!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E200: Ask Me ANYTHING!
 
 

E200: Ask Me ANYTHING!

Celebrating 200+ episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast answering your questions!

Thank you for submitting these.

CHEERS to the next 200 episodes to come!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:28] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Today is episode 200. Can you believe it!!!? 


WOW!


From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for listening to the show. Thank you for your reviews, for sharing your favourite episodes, for sending me emails and DMs and texts telling me how you’ve been impacted by these episodes.


It means THE WORLD TO ME!


And I actually hadn’t realized that I wasn’t able to see podcast reviews from other countries, so one of my lovely american friends just sent me some screenshots of reviews from the US and I wanted to share one of them with you from Al’s


It is titled Wonderful and Uplifting

“I stumbled upon this podcast during my healing journey and in search of some inspiration, information, and peace. Wow… not only does Val’s very calming voice bring forth an extremely peaceful presence to her podcasts, but her knowledge on such a vast majority of things related to health and wellness makes listening to her podcasts really beneficial. She provides detailed show notes for each episode along with so many helpful free things! Her generosity and sincere willingness to help others speaks volumes. I learn so much from her and am able to apply the golden nuggets she shares into my daily life, which has greatly impacted me in such a positive way. I always feel refreshed and very peaceful after listening to her! Thank you Val for being such a bright beautiful light in this world!”


This is so heartwarming to read, Al thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it truly means so much to me.


If you’re listening now and feel called to write an honest review, I invite you to go to Apple Podcasts and leave one there. Please screenshot your review and send it to me hello@valerielavignelife.com so I can see it and thank you personally.

To celebrate this community and the 200th episode, I’ve been inviting my email list, as well as social media followers to Ask Me ANYTHING and I will answer the questions on today’s show! We’ve collected 10 questions from you, with no theme in mind so we’re kind of all over the place today, but I think we’re going to have a lot of fun!


Let’s start with…




1. [03:40] Jana: Do you ever go back and listen to the early episodes?

Thank you Jana for this great question. I have gone back to listen to a few episodes. It’s pretty neat to see how the show has evolved. For those of you who don’t know, the Women’s Empowerment Podcast used to be a LIVE show on Instagram & Facebook that I would record every Wednesday at noon.


One of the reasons for this was because I had no idea how to start a podcast yet – the technical side anyway, so I gave myself 5 weeks of live shows and in that time I sorted out the tech. I saved the videos from those 5 live shows and used the audio from them to create the first 5 episodes of the podcast!


The videos still live on my YouTube page, but they weren’t performing so well so I decided to continue with the podcast and let the videos go.


That being said, I have an idea for an episode as part of an anniversary episode so to speak. I don’t want to give too much away but, for fun I was going to watch/listen to the very first live episode of the show and film my reaction because I remember being so nervous and I think it would be so cool to see that version of me now and look back on that growth of myself as well as the podcast. 


2. [05:04] Jenny: How do you establish a good sex routine if you’re single?

Thank you Jenny for this random question hahaha – we had a good laugh in the DMs. So I will add a disclaimer that I am not a sex therapist nor an expert in this feild whatsoever! 


But I did say that I would answer any/all of your questions so, my advice would be… establish an intimate relationship with yourself. Get to know yourself sexually. What you like, what you don’t. And once you feel deeply connected with yourself, you will have a better understanding of what a “good sex routine” means for you both solo and in partnership with another. 


I can also recommend the ever so wonderful Vivian Kan to help you with better understanding yourself and your partner(s). 

Mindful Intimacy Instagram

Our next question comes from Jess:

3. [06:10] Jess: What habit do you find people have the hardest time to stick to? What’s your tip for this habit?

Great question Jess! Thank you so much for submitting this one. Truthfully, the habits people have the hardest time sticking to are the ones that they don’t actually want to do.


For example, they saw a TikTok that starting your morning routine with xyz would be super beneficial to their health but they aren’t morning people and don’t care to be.


Or they know they need less screen time before bed, however this hour of downtime scrolling Instagram or watching YouTube videos are what really helps them transition from their stressful day so it makes it a lot harder to “give up.” Remember that our bad habits make us feel good, which is usually why they can be the hardest to break!


I’m not saying people who like to sleep in can’t be morning people, or that if you want to ditch a bad habit it will feel impossible. Not at all! 


Anyone can do and be absolutely anything that they desire. But without the desire… it’s going to be a lot more difficult, and more frustrating to create.


On that note, my tip for this would be to FOCUS ON FEELING. How do you want to feel? Your feeling word is foundational to your new behaviours and routines. Having the roots of your desired feeling allows you to grow your habits in a way that aligns with YOU!


For example, if your desired feeling is “energized” – you could add in a cold shower upon waking, or perhaps getting outside with some sunlight on your skin and eyes in the morning. Knowing that this is energizing to your body.


Perhaps your feeling word is “calm” – you could adjust your evening screen time from one hour to half an hour, and spend the second half hour reading, or taking a relaxing bath, or meditating before bed. Knowing that this change in routine is helping you feel calm.


So before you say you’re going to start a new habit, ask yourself: HOW you want to feel? It will be your foundation at the start, and motivation as you continue to grow and build the new behaviour.


If you or someone you know is struggling with creating and sticking to healthy habits and routines, I have a three month intimate container to support you in your customized habits in my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program. There are a few spots available for the fall, and I have new spots opening up every season.

Our fourth question comes from my cousin!

4. [09:09] Lisa: Anxiety. How do you handle it? New strategies for a pivoting world?

Thank you for your question Lisa, this is another great one! I’m not sure if any of these would be considered “new'' strategies, but they have worked for me in the past.


I always approach health HOLISTICALLY and also getting to the root causes of the anxious feelings. Yes there are little things we can do in the meantime, however the deep healing comes when we understand the deeper cause. 


I know not everyone’s situation is the same, and not everyone can completely heal deeper roots for unique reasons, so having supportive habits, routines, and rituals can be helpful as well. 


I like that you mention a “pivoting world” because truthfully the only constant is change, and knowing this we can use the consistency of our routines and rituals to ground us in an ever-changing and pivoting world.  Another key point to remember here is that we build healthy habits and behaviours when we are in a more neutral or calm state, and they support us through the anxious times.


I noticed this a lot through 2020-2022 when I experienced some of my lowest lows mentally, emotionally, even physically - definitely spiritually! The things I always came back to were some of the most simple practices that just kept me going through those years. It felt very heavy and very hard but the small practices gave me purpose and consistency, and the constant I was searching for. 


REVIEW THE FACTS: When I notice myself starting to feel anxious I immediately call it out. I say “I am feeling anxious.” It’s important here to not use “I am anxious” like a mantra, spell or confirmation. Instead I am addressing the feeling, not labeling myself as such, because I am not anxiety and I am not anxious, I am feeling this way.


If we allow ourselves to be still for a total of 90 seconds, we are also allowing our emotions to move through us and essentially go away. I wrote an opinion piece about this on medium.


If we continue to experience the feeling it’s because we’re rethinking or restimulating the chemical circuitry of that feeling. To help me allow the feeling to move through me in that 90 seconds I do my 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 practice. It’s incredibly grounding and simple!


Look in your environment, what are 5 things you can SEE?

Then, 4 things you can TOUCH?

Next, 3 things you can HEAR?

Followed by 2 things you can SMELL?

And lastly, 1 thing you can TASTE?


Connecting to your five senses brings you completely into the present moment. Usually when people feel anxious, it is more often than not because of situations or problems that don’t exist yet – future worries. Bringing ourselves back into the here and now, looking, touching, hearing, smelling, tasting the facts right in front of us brings us back to HERE. 


Now that we’re present, we can connect to other facts too, like what we know is true from our past. 


BREATHE: Something that is always available to us is our breath. The breath is another anchor that brings us into the present moment. As you notice feelings of anxiety arise, connect to your breath. I am inhaling… I am exhaling…


You can also practice what I call “box breathing.” Essentially you’re inhaling for a count of 4, holding the inhale for 4, exhaling for a count of 4, and then holding the exhale for 4. As you practice this breath you can imagine tracing a square in your mind, or an invisible one with your finger if you wanted to. With the box breathing you can change the shape of your box using your count, like 6-4-6-4 or 8-4-8-4. I find keeping it simple, at least to start, is best.


Mindset also plays a huge role in coping and managing anxiety. It’s so specific and individual to each person, so without sounding too self-promoting, I will encourage you or anyone you know who is interested in an intimate coaching setting to build daily habits, routines, and rituals to support them with their healthy mindset and emotions, with the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.

5. [17:35] Kaylie: What’s the benefit of those crazy pilates machines? Is it much better than floor exercises?

Kaylie, thank you so much for your question. I had a giggle to myself when I read it! If you didn’t already know this, I co-own a boutique reformer pilates studio in Burlington, Ontario and we specialize in small group and sport-specific classes using the reformer pilates machine and other small equipment.


The “crazy pilates machines” Kaylie is referring to are the Reformer Pilates machines. 

EXHALE PILATES | website | instagram

Anyway! They are actually really incredible pieces of equipment that use spring tension, ropes and pulleys, and rolling wheels. It’s a bit difficult to explain, because it sounds more like a torture device, but truly it is a very intuitive machine and works your entire body. 


I teach both mat and reformer pilates and I’ve got to say mat can be really challenging, especially if you don’t have the strength. I was explaining to someone recently that I feel like with mat pilates there’s level 1, 2, 3, and then 20! Whereas with reformer, the equipment is so supportive, you can build gradually through levels. 


The other wonderful thing about the machine is the spring tension provides resistance, which mat pilates lacks. Using resistance has many benefits such as building muscular strength, endurance and stability.


The type of machines we have at the studio are a high-quality professional model which is raised higher off the ground than the lesser-models which makes the machine even more accessible than it already is. Reformer pilates is a very complimentary type of exercise that benefits the entire body, and compliments anything else you do in life, whether that be sitting all day, other types of exercise or sports, etc. 


If anyone lives near the studio, or is in Downtown Burlington, Ontario, please stop by! I’d love for you to check out our beautiful boutique studio and retail space! Maybe we can take a class together.

While you’re there you might even get the opportunity to meet one of our members, Suzanne, who has submitted a question for today’s show. Her question is…

6. [20:45] Suzanne: How often (if at all) would you suggest changing habits/rituals?

Love this question Suzanne! Thank you for asking. Humans, other animals, and basically everything existing in nature moves through cycles. And as we mentioned early in the episodes, we live in an ever-changing world so I most definitely encourage changing or mixing up our habits.


There are a few different reasons to make shifts, and the ones that come to mind are: seasonality, supportiveness, and stacking.


Seasonally: Just like the cycles in nature, our habits can change with the seasons. We’re officially into fall, so some examples of fall habits are: eating more stews, soups, and warm foods. 

Additional resources:

Autumn Habits Blog  

Winter Habits Blog 

Spring Habits Blog

Summer Habits Blog


Supportiveness: Another time you can change up your habits is when the habit no longer feels supportive or in alignment.


The question to ask ourselves is: are my habits bringing me closer to my current goals or halting my growth? This is why we always start with our intention, and we build out our habits around that intention.


Not all habits are good, or healthy, and when our goals change, so do our behaviours. You’ll want to reevaluate your goals and daily behaviours to see if they are in alignment.


Stacking: Lastly, you might want to mix your habits when you’ve created a habit and now want to stack a new habit on top. Sometimes this requires changing things up or adjusting timing/scheduling.


Perhaps you’re adding a bath to your evening routine so you need more time, or you’re stacking a stretch after your morning workouts. You’ll want to make sure you have the right timing and support in place.


Speaking of support, mixing up and changing habits is something we can work on together in a more customized approach in my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship Program. The fall availability is currently open at the time of this recording, and if not this season, check upcoming seasons too!


So the next two questions were really similar so I just kind of put them together. I didn’t want to go with just one since two people phrased it in different ways. So I wanted to thank both Ceri and Candice for these questions…

7. [23:08] Ceri: How would you scale back routines/habits when life is busy and you feel you need to slow? Candice: When life gets hectic, how do you pair down your habits?

I really love these questions, and similar to when we talked about anxiety, there are habits that really keep us grounded and stable through challenging and busy times. 


As someone who has got a lot on her plate, I can faithfully tell you that the key to balancing “busy” and health is sustainable energy. Our foundational habits are the key to this energetic balance. When life gets busy, focus on Foundational Habits that keep us healthy and moving steadily.


#1. Nutrition

The first foundational habit is nutrition. Food is fuel and the right food will support a clear mind, an energized body, and a strong immune system.


Prep easy, whole-food recipes and remember that fast food only slows us down. We might have skipped the dishes, but we’ll be feeling sluggish and unmotivated after eating it.


#2. Rest

Lack of sleep isn’t a badge of honour, but it will give us bags under our eyes, and have us making mistakes and poor choices the next day.


Prioritize rest. As the second foundational habit, rest recharges our batteries and rebuilds our cells. Take breaks, schedule in self-care, and set boundaries around bedtimes and wake up times.


#3. Movement

I always say, “A body in motion stays in motion.” I meat that for our physical health and also for our energy.


Intentional movement, whether that is a workout, pilates class, midday walk, or a daily stretch, will keep your body and mind alert and ready to GO!


Healthy can be simple, even when life isn’t.


These next two questions come from Kennedy. The first one is…

8. [25:46] Kennedy: What’s your favourite morning you’ve ever had?

Thank you for this question Kennedy, because I truly miss this morning routine and I have been brainstorming ways to make it work for me again. 


I used to get up at 5:30am, drink greens and go to the gym for a strength training workout. Then I would come home, dry brush my skin, shower and following the shower I would journal and/or read a few pages of a personal development book. On the way to work I listened to some business or mindset podcasts. That was my morning from 5:30am to 7:45am and I LOVED it soooo much.


I also practiced intermittent fasting then, so I would have bulletproof coffee, or bone broth, or green tea in the morning and then I’d have a shake later in the morning.


I think the part I miss most about this routine was the fact that the morning was for ME. and I had this whole time to myself. No texts, no emails, no one else asking me questions or asking things of me. It was the alone time I needed to ground, connect to my body, refresh my mind, and set me up for the day ahead. 


A lot has changed since I had this routine, and I look for other ways to have those quiet and meaningful moments to myself. I’m creating a new routine that works for me in this season of my life and it’s almost as fulfilling. 


Kennedy’s second question is…

9. [27:35] Kennedy: What do you think young Val would think of current Val?

Coming in with the feels Kennedy! Thank you for this second question, it’s such a good one. I think she’d be in awe. I think she’d be proud of me. I think she’d squeeze my hand and take me to play barbies with her – which I never let anyone play barbies with me really LOL unless I had a friend over that I trusted haha


In all seriousness, I think she would see me and feel the confidence and the self-belief that she needed at that time and know that a big and bright future was available to her if she believed in herself. If she met fear with courage and if she decided to shine. She would see me and know that this is possible. 


And from the bottom of my heart, this is what I aspire for other women. This feeling of self-confidence. This knowing that we can be and do anything. That when we believe in ourselves, the world is limitless. 


Our final question comes from Jana…

10. [29:45] Jana: Any planned change of direction for the next 200 episodes or just flowing with it?

Janna thank you for another great question. I’d like to tell you that I have these things all planned out, but truthfully I’m going with the flow. I see the show changing a little in the new year. I made a few changes this year to the podcast, and they’ve been great so far. I also like the idea of some more series on the show. Our most recent one wraps up next week!


All that being said, if you’re listening and have an idea for the podcast, please feel free to send me a message on instagram @vallavignelife, I would love to hear from you!


Thank you to everyone who asked a question today, and thank you for listening to the podcast. I am speechless with how much this show has grown and how it has evolved. It has also changed and shaped me in so many beautiful ways. I am grateful for this opportunity to share, educate, and connect. Thank you so much!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E199: Create LIMITLESS Healthy Habits (Book Report)
 
 

E199: Create LIMITLESS Healthy Habits (Book Report)

“You are part of a small group of individuals who not only want more for their lives but are also willing to do what it takes to get results. In other words, you are the hero of the story; you’ve answered the call to adventure. I believe the ultimate adventure we are all on is to reveal and realize our fullest potential and inspire others to do the same.” - Jim Kwik


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BOOK: LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik

[00:58] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am you host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne.


I just finished reading the book Limitless by Jim Kwik, and within the first few pages I KNEW I would be sharing this book with you. The subtitle for this book is “upgrade your brain, learn anything faster, and unlock your exceptional life.”


Earlier this year I decided to create a new type of episode for the show. Essentially, it’s like a book report of specific books I’ve read that I also use in my coaching sessions. There have been two other episodes like it so far:


Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success (Grit by Angela Duckworth)

Episode 174: Book Report: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin


In these episodes, my intention is to share some of the key takeaways from the book, perhaps inspire you to also purchase the book to read yourself, and also to share with you how I apply these learnings within my coaching sessions.


There are currently three ways to work with me:


The first is through my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship. This is a customized, and closed container where we work together on your specific habits over three months time.


The second way to work with me is in our Healthy Habit Membership. This is a virtual community where we learn, and grow together through our habits as well as monthly trainings.


And lastly, I host a 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge which runs 3-4 times per year called Elevate Your Life. In this challenge you get a backstage pass into the monthly coaching program as well as extra support from me for 21 days.



I was recommended to read this book by a friend who absolutely LOVED IT! She loved it so much that she said, “put down whatever you’re reading, read this book, and then come back to what you’re reading because, LIMITLESS will teach you how to learn better, read faster, and remember more of what you’re reading.” Needless to say, I bought the book.


There are a lot of things I like about LIMITLESS, and one of them is that it’s very organized. The book has four clear parts. Within those parts are clear and to the point chapters – if you know me, you know I like a good “no fluff” personal development book. 


I also enjoy the alliteration of these four parts: MIND, MINDSET, MOTIVATION, METHODS


[03:47] PART ONE: MIND

Kwik uses his love of X-Men and superheroes to tell the hero's journey, which starts with “freeing your mind” in the call to adventure. When he talks about becoming LIMITLESS, what he means is removing limiting labels, beliefs, and methods which he describes in the “Limitless Model.”


(p.17) “You can learn to be, do, have, and share with no constraints… If you are not learning or living at your full potential, if there’s a gap between your current reality and your desired reality, there is a reason: there is a limit that must be released and replaced in one of three areas:

  1. A limit in your mindset – you entertain a low belief in yourself, your capabilities, what you deserve, or what is possible.

  2. A limit in your motivation – you lack the drive, purpose, or energy to take action.

  3. A limit in your methods – you're taught and are acting on a process that is not effective to create the results you desire.


This matters in our day and age because of four “Digital Supervillains” 


Digital Deluge: There is too much information for us to be processing and not enough time.


Digital Distraction: We experience constant distraction with the availability of technology and social pressure to be online and active on social media.


Digital Dementia: Oversusing digital technology results in the breakdown of cognitive abilities and our short-term memory is deteriorating because of it.


Digital Deduction: We rely on technology to answer any and all of our questions, which means we aren’t practicing or using our critical thinking, problem solving, and creativity.


Something else I really loved about this book was that he has placed little bubbles labeled “KWIK START” throughout the chapters. These are actionable tips to do as you’re reading.


To be honest, this is something I thought would have been incredibly helpful in the last book I read and shared on the podcast, GRIT by Angela Duckworth. I loved the book, but wished there were more calls to action to practice applying it into my own life.

Part of freeing your mind is learning how to read and remember the books that you read using his acronym FASTER:


FORGET – have a beginner’s mind before reading, attending a seminar/workshop, or learning something new.

ACTION – take action on the new learnings (like his KWIK STARTS), Sharing what you’ve learned with your community, or putting the learnings into practice.

STATE – all learning is state dependent. You’re more likely to learn and remember if you choose joy, satisfaction, curiosity.

TEACH – teach the information you’ve learned to someone else.

ENTER – schedule personal development times into your calendar. This can be to read, learn, or apply your learnings.

REVIEW – to help you remember what you’ve learned, actively recall the material over multiple spread out sessions.


I love this method for reading, learning, and retaining the information, and I also use it similarly in each coaching session. 


(Forget) We begin by coming into the session with an open mind. Since you’re coming into healthy habit coaching, I feel that it is safe to assume you're searching for something “different.” So let’s start with a clean slate. 


(State) Within the session I keep things as positive and upbeat as possible, because I want you to see and connect to what could be, and the possibility of reaching your goals. When you can see it in your mind, or feel it in your body, you are more likely to achieve your goal.


(Action) At the end of every session there is “homework” or an action plan. Part of that action plan is (Enter) scheduling your habits, routines, and rituals into your calendar. 


In follow up sessions, clients often share what they have been able to achieve and to my excitement, (Teach) they have already shared some of what they’ve learned with their friends, family, and social networks. (Review) of course each new session begins with an open mind, as well as a review of what has worked and what hasn’t.


I think a lot of people don’t realize how much LEARNING actually goes on when it comes to creating new habits. We are forming new neural connections and pathways in the brain when we decide to start a new behaviour. The habit forms when that neural pathway is maintained and becomes automatic. But this doesn’t happen overnight – it takes repetition and practice, which is why the three month container in the Make a Habit Mentorship is so important. It takes on average 66 days for a person to create and stick to a habit. 


[09:38] PART TWO: MINDSET

In part two of the book LIMITLESS, we dive into “The What” or the limitless mindset. Our mindset is SO IMPORTANT, because our thoughts create our feelings, which then lead to our actions, which then become our reality. It creates a cycle of what we think we become, and how we act, or what we become is what we think about. Around, and around we go!


The fact is, every single person on this planet has limiting beliefs. The key is to reframe them so that they don’t take over our minds and leave us stuck in old patterns or feeling defeated by our goals.


(p.80) Kwik shares his three keys to minimize limiting beliefs and develop a superhero mindset:


Key 1: Name Your Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs “might have to do with your talents, your character, your relationships, your education, or anything else that leads to internal whispers that you can’t be what you want to be. Start paying attention right now to every time you tell yourself that you’re incapable… Being aware of how you’re holding yourself back with your self-talk and spending some time to get to the source of these beliefs is extremely liberating because once you’re aware, you can begin to realize these aren’t facts about you, but rather opinions. And there is a very good chance that these opinions are wrong.”


Key 2: Get to the Facts

The toughest part of limiting beliefs is that they play heavily on our emotions. If we keep repeating them, they can wear us down. It’s important to remember that these are facts that are often wrong, and the better we get at quieting these limiting beliefs, the better you become at keeping distractions down during times of big growth, change, and challenges. “So when you’re examining the facts behind your limiting beliefs, be sure to consider two things: whether there is in reality any evidence to drive that you are truly hampered in this area and whether even that evidence was tainted by the noise in your head.”


Key 3: Create a New Belief

“The most essential step [is] to generate a new belief that is both truer than the [limiting beliefs] you’ve been accepting and beneficial to the limitless you that you are creating.” 


Mindset is huge in any coaching industry. If you want to create change in your life, you’re going to have to start with your thoughts; your mindset. Limiting beliefs come up often, and even though there are many methods for overcoming them and replacing them, I have definitely found that working with a coach combined with personal practice has been the most effective way to overcome these. 


In my experience coaching, as well as working with a coach myself, I have seen time and time again how powerful it is to have someone else hold up a mirror and ask questions about the beliefs that have come up. Does this feel true for you or does this feel like a mindset block? Is there evidence to support this? Etc. 


You can only have so many conversations with yourself telling you, inner voice, or Inner Mean Girl (as I’ve referenced in the past), without feeling like you’re taking crazy pills. Having a coach to hold the space for you and keep you on track with what IS true can be very helpful.


With that being said, your coach is not with you 24-7, but your inner voice(s) are. Both the Inner Mean Girl, and the voice of your Higher Self. While it is helpful to have conversations with your coach, developing a healthy mindset and positive self-talk habits are extremely supportive in truly mastering your mindset for optimal performance and growth. 


This is something I often work on with my coaching clients. It’s usually around the time, maybe a few weeks into working together, when their motivation starts to simmer and the changes are so small they start to fall back into old patterns and beliefs. When this happens, we start to tweak specific parts of our routine, as well as come back to the strong foundation we’ve created to really remember WHY it is we wanted to build these habits in the first place. Which brings us into part three of the book…




[14:03] PART THREE: MOTIVATION

This part of the book is about our “Why.” To create sustainable motivation we need purpose, energy, and small simple steps.


When it comes to purpose, Kwik references Simon Sinek’s book Start with Why and quotes Sinek when he writes, “People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it, so it follows that if you don’t know why you do what you do, how will anyone else?”


Whether you’re working with me in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship, Healthy Habit Membership, or Elevate Your Life 21 Day Challenge, we always start with your feeling word. Why? Because it is the foundation of why you’re doing what you’ve set out to do.


It is the root of your habit, it is the motivation for your actions, and it is the purpose for your transformation. Your feeling word is your WHY. 


For example, Robyn is currently in our Elevate Your Life Healthy Habit Challenge and her feeling word is “light.” Her habits are to run 4x/week as well as walk daily to reach 10k+ steps. When Robyn is at home relaxing on the couch and checks to see that she’s only done 7k steps, and she hasn’t been on a run today, it’s not the habit that propels her forward, it’s her purpose. I think it’s safe to assume that Robyn would rather keep relaxing and call it a day, but she doesn’t. Why? Because staying on the couch would not make her feel “light” in fact, I would say it would make her feel the opposite. So her feeling word then motivates her to get up and go for a walk to reach her 10k step goal.


Personally I very much dislike running. I love this goal for Robyn, but it would not work for me at all! Why? Because I do not find any passion in running. 


Kwik talks about (p.117) On Purpose Passion saying, “finding your passion is not about choosing the right path or finding the perfect professional destiny. It’s about experimenting to see what ignites your joy. Passion comes when we rediscover our authentic, alive self, the one who has been muted and buried beneath a pile of other people’s expectations. There is not a single right path to be discovered or revealed.”


You might have multiple passions and that is okay too! Passion is what lights you up inside, and purpose is “how you relate to other people… [it’s] what you’re here to share with the world. It’s how you use your passion.”


To help you find your passions, experiment with activities you feel drawn to, and see which ones fuel you more. When it comes to discovering your purpose, consider your core values. Once you’ve written down your values, Kwik encourages prioritizing those values. Your values are similar to your purpose and passions. In the very least, you want your values to align with your goals – or you won’t do them.


An example from LIMITLESS is, (p.118)  “Someone who wants to remember other people’s names should value relationships and their connections to people. Your behaviour has to support your values in some way, or there is no drive for it.”


Consider your current values, and your current habits and routines. Do they align with one another? If they don't, how can you tweak or adjust your behaviours to align with your core values?


When it comes to our coaching sessions, core values play a big role in the big picture. While the feeling word is the root of your habit, the core value is the seed. Using the previous example:


Core value (Seed) = relationships

Feeling word (root) = connection

Habits/behaviours (plant) = remembering people's names, reaching out to others on a regular basis, sending out holiday cards or notes of encouragement in the mail, etc.


Knowing your core values and how you want to feel are helpful in building out your habits, but also in making decisions. When someone asks you to do something, or if you feel the urge to take action, you can get in the habit of asking “why?” Are you starting a business because your friend needs help and you want to feel helpful? Will taking more on your plate really make you feel this way? Does it align with being of service to others? Perhaps because you’ve asked WHY, you’ll realize that there are other ways you can help your friend without actually partnering with them. Asking why helps you get clarity on what you’re doing and keeps you on track with staying in alignment of your goals.


Energy is another part of the formula for creating sustainable motivation. In the book, Kwik talks about energy for your physical brain including what you’re eating, how you’re exercising, quality of environment, relationships, sleep, and a few more other things. 


I’ve mentioned before that your new behaviours are formed in your brain which become habits after repetition making them automated. A healthy, energized brain is definitely helpful for creating healthy habits, perhaps even making the process easier. 


(p.130) Here are Kwik’s 10 recommendations for generating limitless brain energy:

  1. Good Brain Diet: eating foods like avocados, blueberries, broccoli, dark chocolate, eggs, leafy green veggies, salmon, turmeric, walnuts, and drinking sufficient quality water are all important to a healthy, energized brain.

  2. Brain Nutrients: These are supplements you can take to improve brain function. Some examples shared in the book are: vitamin B and curcuim.

  3. Exercise: which has been known to change the brain in ways that protect memory and thinking skills.

  4. Killing ANTs: “Automatic Negative Thoughts” to accomplish what you want.

  5. A clean environment: cleaning up the air you breathe, and decluttering your space.

  6. A positive Peer Group: surrounding yourself with motivation, positive influences, and people you are inspired by or grow from being around.

  7. Brain Protection: literally wearing a helmet when participating in certain activities (snowboarding, riding a bike, etc.) and also limiting how much hard contact or extreme sports you do to protect your brain.

  8. New Leaning: Keep learning. You’re listening to this podcast, so that’s a great place to start!

  9. Stress Management: There is evidence to support that stress has a very debilitating impact on the brain. “Finding ways to reduce or avoid stress becomes critical.”

  10. Sleep: “Getting enough sleep – and getting enough quality sleep – is essential if you’re going to make the most of your brain.”

When I’m working with my coaching clients, we often talk about Foundational Habits. These are habits like: Food/nutrition, rest/sleep, movement/exercise, mindset, and hydration. When life gets stressful, or busy, or we start to feel overwhelmed, we come back to our foundational habits and hit the reset button. They’re foundational for a reason, because they are what give us the energy we need to take action, and make an impact. 


The last part of the sustainable motivation formula are small simple steps… aka HABITS!


Right in the beginning of this chapter of the book Kwik asks three questions (p.149):

What is the smallest simple step I can take right now?

How do we start good habits or end bad ones?

What daily routine will help me become limitless?


This whole chapter is all about creating healthy habits. Kwik also references a couple other books in this chapter, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg let me know if you’d like me to do a book report on either of these books by sending me a note on Instagram @vallavignelife 


I actually reference a lot of this chapter in episode 195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series. I highly recommend revisiting this episode to dive deeper into the science of motivation and our tiny habits. 


Some of the key takeaways from this chapter are:

Giving yourself grace when developing new behaviours: I’ve mentioned that forming new habits takes time. The journey or process isn’t always easy, be kind to yourself along the way.


Take the smallest steps when starting out: The smaller the action or steps the better! You’re more likely to do the action if it’s simple and easy. Then you can build the confidence and momentum to keep moving forward.


Our habits are a core part of who we are: “40-50% of what we do every day is a product of habit.” This is actually really positive because it helps us function on a regular basis – HOWEVER our habits can help us or they can hurt us. Putting effort into creating healthy behaviours can support us in living a healthy (partially) automated life vs an unhealthy one.


Stack habits one by one: Focus on creating ONE new habit and then, once it has become automated, add another one, and repeat this cycle. This will support you in your growth and success, and “can be the start to an entirely new way of life.”


And lastly, establish a morning routine: If you don’t like “morning” routine because that doesn’t apply to your night shift schedule, or the fact that you aren’t a “morning person” call it your “wake up routine.” Basically you want to be able to jumpstart your day with a routine that supports you for the day and activities ahead. Think of three things you can do every morning, no matter where you are, that will empower your day.


I don’t really feel the need to share how I use these in our coaching sessions together for obvious reasons, and also if you’ve listened to more than this episode of the show, you’ll know that we talk about all of this in detail in other episodes. 


What I will share with you today is that I meet you where you are in life. My previous client, Sarah, shared this in Episode 197 of the podcast when she talked about her experience working with me in the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program.


So whether you need the foundational habit reset, or focusing on giving yourself grace through mindset work, building tiny habits, or stacking new habits, we start wherever you are at now. Once we know where you’re at, we can begin to implement the best methods for your success, which is actually the perfect segway to the fourth part of LIMITLESS…


[24:55] PART FOUR: METHODS

This is “The How” of the book, where Kwik covers focus, study, memory, speed reading, and thinking.


One of the common complaints about why people aren’t consistent with their healthy habits is because they succumb to distractions. Kwik’s three suggestions for calming a busy mind in the middle of a busy day, and to focus are to:

  1. Breathe

  2. Do something that has been causing you stress: because it’s weighing so much on your mind and will continue to do so until it’s done.

  3. Schedule time for distractions: I like to teach that having designated social media and email time in the calendar so that you know exactly when you’ll get to the notifications or the craving to check socials.


In some cases, when I see my clients are particularly stressed out or overwhelmed, we will use the beginning of our session to go through meditation or breath work. For those of you who don’t already know this, my background is in fitness, specifically yoga, meditation, breathwork and pilates. So the breath is a huge part of what and how I teach and coach. 


When it comes to the other methods of this chapter: study, memory, and speed reading, while I did learn a lot from these chapters, I’ve decided to leave them out of the podcast episode because he goes into a great deal of methods and practices that truthfully we don’t have time to cover today. However if this is an area of focus for you and developing these specific habits, then:

  1. I highly recommend buying and reading LIMITLESS

  2. I would love to invite you into my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship program to support you in creating these specific habits. I would most definitely be able to teach you the methods that would be most helpful, as well as keep you on track with your growth and transformation. If you’re interested, please visit www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship to get started.


The final chapter of the book however, Thinking, I will speak to. I really enjoyed how Kwik talked about Dr. Edward de Bono’s concept of the “six thinking hats” (p.256). “As a tool for getting out of whatever rut of thinking one might be mired in. Regularly used to help groups problem-solve in a more productive way, it is easily adaptable by any individuals hoping to keep their thinking fresh. The core notion is to separate thinking into six distinctly defined functions by progressively donning a series of metaphorical hats:”


White Hat: When you’re in information gathering mode.


Yellow Hat: to bring optimism to your thinking; positive thoughts

Black Hat: What are some of the pitfalls, difficulties, or obstacles or consequences of the challenge/situation.


Red Hat: Bring emotion and feeling into the problem; express fears. 


Green Hat: Creativity mode, asking “what new ideas can we bring into what we already know?”


Blue Hat: You’re in management mode, making sure to address the agenda, productively gone through the process. This hat is often worn at the beginning and end of problem solving group sessions.


So brilliant and organized – I love it! While I was surprised that I never heard of this concept before, I have already been using something similar in my coaching sessions. I just never organized it so elegantly! Now I have a note on my desk with each of these hats and when I have a coaching session I refer to the note to make sure we’ve covered all the bases; or in this case put on all the hats. As a coach I am asking questions to my clients based on these six hats, and the client is able to respond with their own insights and together we create the best solution for them, based on their answers. 


While this chapter goes on to describe different parts of intelligence, and I do think this is really fascinating to know about ourselves, it’s really the type of learning style you have that I am most interested in. Most of the time I can tell what kind of learning style you have based on how you communicate with me. 


Are you speaking about your past experience describing the visual representation of the situation? Or perhaps you’re speaking to how you felt about the problems you were facing. Some clients share how they’ve tried things they’ve learned from audio books or podcast episodes that really resonated with them. 


All of this, the content and all how you’re describing it to me, is information about your learning style.


(p.260) Which one are you?

Visual: “meaning that you tend to learn through illustrations, charts, videos, and other visual media.”


Auditory: “meaning that you find yourself most comfortable learning by listening, either to a lecture, a discussion, a podcast, an audiobook, etc.”


Kinesthetic: “meaning that you prefer to learn via physical interaction. Kinesthetic learners tend to gain more from taking a hands-on approach to learning.”


Some people have a combination of learning styles and that might be you! It’s important to know which one you are when you are ready to learn something new. You can then find the best resources to support you.


I do the same when working with my coaching clients. We have virtual sessions and sometimes that means I share my screen with examples or slides with visuals on them. Other times I share podcast episodes I think they would find helpful and can listen to between our sessions. And of course, no matter what I am always giving them action steps to take, and sometimes we use the time together to make those hands on moves so that they’re stepping forward in the right direction. 


Since you’re listening to this episode, you might be an auditory learner. It’s definitely something to consider! Share what kind of learning style you have with me on instagram @vallavignelife


[30:55] UNOFFICIAL “PART FIVE” AFTERWARD

Okay there is one small last part of the book I wanted to share with you today and it follows the Afterward. It is the 10-Day Kwik Start Plan


When it comes to personal development books, I’ve read A LOT of them. So many! And after a while, you start to notice that they’re all kind of saying the same things, in different voices. Which honestly, isn’t a bad thing, as we’ve learned today, repetition is important for learning and developing ourselves. However, there is one thing that will ALWAYS determine whether or not the book you’ve read is going to help you or not. 


This one thing is the ACTION you take after reading the book. You can read all the personal development books you want. But the growth and transformation happens when you are in action. Having a 10-Day action plan following this book and using some of the key methods and practicing is so smart from a coaching and business perspective. 


In my opinion, Jim Kwik does a lot of things right with this book and this is one of them. He also has extended chapters and resources available on his stie to help you with specific limitless growth for example with your children or business. 


From a business and marketing perspective this is super smart, because he’s getting you to visit his website and move through his funnel. This is smart.


From a coaching perspective, he’s having you take next steps to help you create change in a specific area of life using his methods. Again, smart.


I don’t have a book yet, but when I do, let me tell you I’m taking a page out of this one LOL not really but you know what I mean! Why am I telling you about how smart Jim Kwik is for adding this into the back of his book??


Because, if you want to make lasting change, you have to create lasting habits, routines, and rituals. You have to continue to grow, learn, and develop. It might start with reading a book but it doesn’t end there. You have to keep moving forward, and Jim Kwik encourages this through additional resources.



I do the same with my coaching clients. As I mentioned, I have specific episodes from this very show that I share with my clients based on their unique habits and goals. If I don’t have an episode yet, I create one for them, or with them in mind.


We use the 21 day Elevate Your Life healthy habit challenge to jumpstart new routines, and healthy behaviours and then there is an invitation to continue their growth through the challenge in our Healthy Habit Membership to sustain the habits that they built.


This applies to any type of personal development and growth, it’s ongoing. 


Okay friends, this is your invitation to take action!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E198: Environmental Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Six of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E198: Environmental Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Six of The Science & The Spiritual Series

We continue with our Science & Spiritual series with part six of seven: Environmental Wellness. Learn how to create, implement, and elevate environmental habits using scientific methods and spiritual tools…


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[00:28] Welcome back to the Science & the Spiritual Series here on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. This is part six of seven, and I’ve got to tell you, I’ve been really loving producing these episodes! 

I’ll be honest, the podcast is a bit of a labour of love for me. I find so much joy from creating this show, and I also feel torn on what it will look like in the future. I am currently brainstorming and working on ways to keep this show alive with the support of sponsorships and although I don’t yet know what that looks like, I did want to mention that there will be upcoming changes to the podcast. I always want to be honest and transparent with you. That being said, in terms of support and sponsorship, I will only be sharing products, services, and brands that I align with and/or use personally. 

On that note, if you or someone you know has a product or service that they would like to promote in exchange for sponsorship of the podcast, I would love to learn more! Please direct them to my website www.valerielavignelife.com/contact where they can connect with me.

Okay, let’s get back to the series shall we?!

If this is the first time you’re listening to the podcast or the series, big welcome to you! It is a pleasure to have you here. 

In this series we are discussing habits that fall under the seven dimensions of wellness. These dimensions are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational.

Each episode focuses on one of the seven dimensions. Within each episode I have chosen three habits to elaborate on and use as examples for building out this area of wellness. Also, each of the episodes talks about different tools that are either scientific or spiritual in nature. 

I’ve divided the series up into seven parts for a few reasons:

  1. The listener request for this episode was from Ceri, who asked for “types of habits and how to incorporate them” and of course there are endless habit examples we can discuss, so I thought it would be best to break them down through the seven areas of wellness.

  2. When it comes to habit formation, there is A LOT more involved in it than what we might think. So when I describe the science part of the episode, I’ve actually explained completely different areas of neuroscience and beahvioural sciences. This means each episode is entirely different!

  3. The scientific methods shared in each episode of the series are not specific to only the topic or title. They’re actually all transferable, which is why I recommend listening to all seven episodes because there is something new to learn and use when implementing your wellness habits (the final one is coming soon!)

  4. And lastly, all of this information in one episode would be way too long, and when it’s too long, it gets boring so I’ve made it a series to keep you engaged in learning and taking action!

[03:38] Today’s specific topic is all about environmental wellness.

When it comes to environmental wellness, I see it in two ways: the first is the environmental awareness of the planet Earth, and the second is the physical environment that we are in such as our physical home and our space.

The reasons why I see it in these two ways, for starters, is that global change begins in the home, and truly with ourselves. Like many of the topics of this podcast, we discuss self improvement and the ripple effect this transformation has on the world around us. In the last episode of this series, we learned that our personality becomes our personal reality. Meaning how we think, feel, and act has a direct effect and relationship on the world around us.

Secondly, and in all honesty, I don’t believe the world is going to be completely healed of the damage it has encountered in my lifetime BUT I do believe in doing my best to leave a positive and helpful mark on the world in my lifetime. Will reducing, reusing, and recycling reduce my personal carbon footprint? Sure. Is recycling going to solve global problems, no. 

And lastly, our living and even working environment is very important. As much as we impact our living space, our living space impacts us. I can tell you this first hand because I have lived with a parent with addiction and mental disease and it was and is extremely challenging and heartbreaking to be in that space. 

On a more simple scale, you have probably experienced heaviness, languish, or feeling unmotivated in a messy room. I know that I work much better when my office space/environment is tidy and open. I’ll talk more about this in the science part of the episode soon.

As always, and with everything, we aim to do our best. So for today’s episode I will do my best in speaking to two different types of environmental habits and how to incorporate them using scientific methods and spiritual tools.

Let’s take a look at our habit examples for today:

  1. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

  2. Creating and maintaining sacred space

Normally I choose three examples to work with when it comes to our habit examples, but since the first one is sort of three in one, and since we’re talking about two types of environmental wellness, then I thought two examples would be perfectly appropriate. 

If you’re interested in, or currently working on improving your environmental wellness, screenshot this episode and share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife! I’d love to hear more about what specific habits you’re working on and how it’s going for you.

[06:32] The Science: The Three Brains

For this series I’ve really been focusing on the neuro and behavioural sciences of creating habits. I understand that Environmental Science is a HUGE topic on its own and that is amazing, but I don’t want to get too caught up in that for the purpose of this podcast. So for today, I’d like to introduce you to “The Three Brains.”

If you’ve been listening to the series, you’ll know I’m a big fan of Dr. Joe Dispenza. He talks a lot about our three brains. The first brain is our neocortex. This is the big walnut shape you see representing the brain and its folds and valleys, it’s the biological brain. This first brain allows us to see and observe our external environment and learn new things. “Learning is forging new circuits, remembering is maintaining or sustaining those connections.” 

When you begin to change your actions, or do something differently you’re changing your experience. (Re-listen to part five of the series for more on behavioural and personality changes for habit forming). 

While having this experience you are connecting to your senses of sight, smell, taste, feeling, and sound. This is all information that comes rushing back into the brain through the five pathways of the senses. The information begins to organize into patterns, the neurons then fire and “the brain makes a chemical that’s the second brain called the limbic brain or the emotional brain. And that chemical is called a feeling or an emotion.”

This chemical process of the limbic brain is teaching your body to emotionally understand what your mind is understanding intellectually in that very moment. The key is to repeat it over and over again because it’s not enough to do it just once.

Dr. Dispenza says, “And when you repeat any experience at will and make it look natural and easy, you activate that third brain called the cerebellum. It becomes subconscious; it becomes unconscious. We practiced it so many times that we no longer have to think about it. It’s a skill. It’s a habit. It’s innate in us. It’s who we are. And we get to this level where we neurochemically conditioned the body to memorize it as well as the conscious mind.”

Example One: The Science

[09:26] So let’s use this science and the three brains to understand how we can implement the environmental habits we chose for today.

Reducing, reusing, and recycling is our first habit. These are practices that reduce our consumption and waste, reuse materials that we already have, and recycle waste when appropriate.

Neocortex: This is what allows us to see and observe the world around us. When it comes to your current reducing, reusing, and recycling habits, what do you notice?

In our house we practice recycling papers, glass and cans with the blue bin, as well as food or organic waste with our green bin. We also shop with our own grocery and produce bags to reduce the amount of plastic we use.

I often talk about my favourite reusable water bottle, which is connected to an app that has shared with me that I’ve saved over 1000 water bottles just from drinking from this one bottle. 

Limbic: When you bring awareness to your current reducing, reusing and recycling habits, how does it make you feel? Consider the more positive habits you have. If you aren’t practicing any helpful or healthful habits, feel into the feelings you would like to have if you were practicing these helpful habits.

I keep all the grocery and produce bags all in one place and I’ve gotten into the habit of bringing them to the grocery store with us each time we make the trip. I feel proud of this habit and I also like the look and feel of these produce bags. Very natural and farmer’s market aesthetic. It might sound silly, but that’s how my “second brain” experiences this.

Believe it or not, I actually take the garbage and recycling out each week. I feel organized and helpful when the proper items are in the proper bins. I also get satisfaction out of breaking down cardboard boxes and neatly packing them into the blue bin.

My water bottle lights up when I need to drink, or when I reach my daily water goal. It also has options for me to join challenges with other people who have this water bottle and receive badges for drinking water and reducing plastic water bottle waste.

Cerebellum: All of your current habits with reducing, reusing and recycling are already activating your cerebellum, both good and bad habits. How can you naturally elevate your existing positive habits, or swap your current bad habits with this area of health?

There are some weeks that we waste more food than I’d like. It’s for different reasons, but the main one is poor planning for the week. I used to go to the grocery store the same day every week out of habit, and now I only go if/when we need food and I always go with a list/plan. I’ve swapped my go straight to the grocery store habit with let’s see what we have in the house and fridge before making our list and heading out.

Example One: The Spiritual

[12:49] In each of our series episodes, I share crystals and essential oils to help support the area of wellness that we’re focusing on. 

In my research I learned that crystals or gemstones aren’t the most environmentally friendly products. I’ll share a blog post I found titled 6 Things to Know Before You Buy a Healing Crystal

I’ve mentioned before in this series that I do not consider myself a crystal expert. I do have some crystals and admire them for their colours, shapes, and “powers.” But all of my findings for this section of the series has been from research I’ve done and sourced in the episodes. While I won’t say that “I’ll never buy another crystal” I am definitely a more conscious consumer of them.

In regards to essential oils, I only ever buy from one brand and it’s dōTERRA. I appreciate their quality and transparency and their effort and continued growth in supporting the environment and sustainable co-impact sourcing. I’ll link to their sourcing model in the show notes as well.

While essential oils are typically used to support physical, emotional, and mental wellness, I chose a few I think would create that ripple effect of supporting ourselves to then better support our Earth.

Myrrh the oil for Mother Earth:

This oil nurtures the soul’s relationship with its maternal mother and with the Earth. It helps us feel safe and secure.

Douglas Fir the oil of Generational Wisdom:

This essential oil comes from an old and wise tree. It assists people to break free from destructive traditions passed down through families and helps live according to their own conscience and values by letting go of harmful patterns.

Depending on your current environment in your living space, douglas fir oil might also be helpful in the second example for this area of wellness.

Example Two: The Science

[15:10] Our second example of an environmental habit is creating and maintaining sacred space. By this I’m referring to your physical environment that you’re in. Whether that is your home, your work/office space, your car, inside your purse, etc. Whether you live alone or with others, I encourage everyone to have some sort of sacred space that they can go to for retreat. Even if you just need somewhere to take mindful breaths alone. 

Let’s take a look at this example using our three brains.

Neocortex: This is what allows us to see and observe the environment or space around us. When it comes to your current environment, what do you notice? Perhaps you’re at the gym right now, or maybe driving. What do you see in your space?

I’m currently in my office, which I do feel is my sacred space most of the time. It is a shared space but I primarily use this space. My goal is to keep the desk space neat and tidy - truthfully there are a few items on the desk that I don’t need or use right now, but now that I’m aware of that, I will move them.

Is the gym a place you feel safe? What about your car? Do you feel this space is kept clean? Treated with respect? Bring your awareness to it.

Limbic: When you bring awareness to your current environment how does it make you feel? Consider the more positive habits you have. If you aren’t practicing any helpful or healthful habits, feel into the feelings you would like to have if you were practicing these helpful habits.

One of my habits is to clean up my office and desk space after I’m done working. It’s definitely a habit that I’m working on, but when I do it, I feel so much better the next day coming to a space that is ready for me and organized. 

Cerebellum: All of your current habits with your environment are already activating your cerebellum, both good and bad habits. How can you naturally elevate your existing positive habits, or swap your current bad habits with this area of health?

One of the things I am working on is balance and with balance I know that at the root of that is really better boundaries. I noticed this a lot when many people started working from home, there was an undertone of expectation to be working after “work hours” because everyone knew you were working from home anyways. 

With my coaching business, I’ve always “worked from home” and I’ve had to develop boundaries in my business. Lately these boundaries feel a bit nonexistent due to the lack of balance I’ve been experiencing. Creating a clear plan for the day and sticking to that plan is how I will start adjusting this habit. The plan is made out at the end of a workday, and reviewed the next morning.

Example Two: The Spiritual

[18:30] Here are some crystals and essential oils I’ve found to help support your workspace and home environments:

Desk – Shungite: this crystal has been recommended to help balance technology and nature. (source

Peppermint, the oil of a Buoyant Heart: this oil brings joy and buoyancy to the heart and soul. It invigorates body, mind, and spirit and reminds us that life can be happy.

Home – Hematite: a crystal for keeping your home free from toxicity. (source)

Tea Tree, the oil of Energetic Boundaries: disinfectant by nature, tea tree aka Melaleuca, clears negative energetic baggage. It encourages us to connect to people and beings in ways that honour and respect others. Also you can use it to clean surfaces in your home.

Car – Howlite: a fantastic stone for preventing nausea and reducing effects of motion sickness. It helps settle nerves and soothes discomfort. It also helps prevent road rage. (source)

Lemongrass the oil of Cleansing: a powerful cleanser of energy and dispels feelings of despondency, despair, and lethargy. It teaches us to move forward without hesitation and lets go of old, limiting beliefs, toxic energies and negativity.

If you’re looking for more support with your environmental wellness, I would like to invite you to click here to see if the 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship Program is right for you. In this private 3-month container, and customized experience we work on your specific goals and habits so that you can build your desired habits, routines and rituals.

I hope this episode was helpful to creating new environmental habits! If you’re working on your environmental wellness, screenshot this episode and tag me on Instagram @vallavignelife so that I can see what you’re working on and cheer you on.

We’re taking a slight break from our series, but will finish with our final episode of the series during the first week of October! See you next week for a special episode feature with an excellent book I know you’re going to LOVE!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E197: How a High Achiever went from Crisis to Spaciousness with Sarah
 
 

E197: How a High Achiever went from Crisis to Spaciousness with Sarah

Join High Achiever: business owner, school teacher, and plant/nature enthusiast Sarah Peel in her intimate and detailed experience working with Val in the Make a Habit Mentorship program to go from crisis mode, to creating a spacious summer…


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[00:57] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Sara, thank you so much for joining me today. Welcome to the show!

[01:04] Sarah Peel: It's a real honor to be here. I already use it for and we've actually met in person for the past two years and this one-on-one coaching was really, really helpful to me in a time though that I really needed it. So I'm glad to talk to and share my story because I think it'd be helpful to others.

So I am the teacher and an entrepreneur, so you can probably understand that I'm a person with my fingers and a lot of pieces of pie.

I would also say not to just completely define myself as you know what I do, but I love to explore ideas and bring them into fruition, I guess you would say because I bring them into reality. And I'm always exploring who I am and I think I'm still figuring out who I am and that's part of the cool journey. of life for me.

And I don't like to necessarily put myself in a box but sometimes these personality types are a cool shorthand for people to understand. I am an Enneagram three, which you don't have to know much about the Enneagram to understand that the title to my personality is called The Achiever.

And there's great things about that and then there's some downsides to that one is that I could potentially work all the time and love it until I don't love it anymore in the crisis, and and in this time in particular, when I started to work with you, I felt like I was in a bit of a crisis. Now we'll get into more of that later but I felt like I was asleep to time.

And I needed a change. The other good thing about being an achiever is what I've described before but my personality is that I'm always looking for and I'm open to new things to do and new ways of looking at things and like going at them with my my full my full self. so that's kind of a little bit about me.

I don't know if you want to ask me any more questions to clarify some of the things that I've just said.

[03:46] VL: Yeah, I love all the things you just said, I love that you described yourself with your ideogram, which I also don't know much about, but I know that I'm the 10 year grant, which is the Challenger, that we connected this way.

And I guess the follow up question or the part to that first question was, what is the healthy habit that you're currently committed to?

[04:03] SP: Right. So

I think as I've been on this journey to kind of figuring myself out and finding work that really makes me happy. I realized that I can't do that, without good habits. I need to eliminate some decision fatigue, so that I can focus on what I'm really good at and what lights me up.

So I'll just say that as an Achiever, I already want to have good habits. Just because I learned what it felt like to live out good habits and rituals.

And then I met you during the early days of the pandemic and being following along like we became friends and then also just following along in your habit making methodologies and what you share about those things and even being part of the Healthy Habits one to one day challenge in January.

I think it was 21 days right?

VL: Yep.

SP: So some of the good habits that I already have are like when I'm teaching and running my business at the same time I do things like menu planning on Sunday, I also prep and plan my wardrobe so that I don't have to make a decision about what to wear in the morning.

I pre book like all the yoga Pilates workouts that I'm going to do so that I know well okay, that's a certain time maybe you know, my partner can make dinner on that night of the week or whatever.

So I'm pretty organized. I know I have to be able to do it. Things that I want to do, I have to have good habits in place. Because they free me up to be myself because they free me up to be myself. So when I got to the end of June, as I said, I'm also a supply teacher. So that's one way that I'm able to manage also having a business that I run part time.

however, there was just so much going on, you know, my aging parents were needing a lot from me, at that particular time. I had signed up to weakened markets selling my house plants and gardening supplies for my business Petit Soleil Studio.

And it was just, it was too much.

And I started to think about what kind of summer that I wanted. And I really liked the 21 day challenge before we set out to articulate our goal. You wanted us to come up with a feeling word. What is the feeling word that we want to achieve? So that it's not just about doing it's about feeling.

So, on the summer solstice actually I did a little bit of a you know a journaling exercise to make it into more of a ritual to make it more meaningful for myself and more powerful. I found the word spacious. That's the kind of summer that I wanted to have. And so as school was wrapping up, I was really looking forward to doing a few things for my business like that were more creative, and less really engaging more inwardly engaging. I wanted to do some writing and research but I also wanted to rest and I was really looking forward to that. And then the last week of school I got an email from my local school board. I had applied for a position a couple of months before to teach summer school. And I hadn't heard anything so I didn't think that was really an opportunity.

And they just said do you want this job? Like six days before school would actually start.

I had to take it financially; it was just too good of an opportunity. Our family needed some extra money. And so with that, I kind of had a bit of a freakout and some grief about losing a spacious summer.

the freakout was I know it's gonna be a lot of work. It's so intense. It was for a course that I've never taught before. I've never taught summer school before. I just, you know there were just so many unknowns.

I reached out just when I decided to reach out to you to help me figure out could I still honor that feeling word? Throughout a very busy time and still feel like I could have a spacious summer, even teaching summer school.

[09:02] VL: I remember that. You're like, I have my feeling word, but I need help. How do we do this? 

So, just kind of reiterate what you've said, you're a high achiever. Enneagram three, you have huge goals, but you also know the meaning of spaciousness and what that means like what that feels like to you and what that means for your life. And then you get this great opportunity that you know is going to be so much more on your calendar and on your plate than you originally anticipated. 

A few months or a few days even before so what was that like six days before actually doing it?

What would you describe as that turning point of like, oh, yeah, I've been following bow for two years. I know we've worked together and like really kind of – small ways, like sprinkling in and kind of thinking of the challenge and just seeing my posts and, you know, chatting on DMS a little bit. I know you've listened to the podcast, there's lots of tangible things there. So what was the difference for you or what was that shift for you versus oh I know the resources that Val has versus like okay one to work directly with her what was the difference. The shift for you?

[10:20] SP:  Well, I think I'm a pretty self directed person most of the time where I am. This is part of my maturing process. I wasn't always able to see where I was doing too much and I've had several occasions where I worked out and then things and I didn't want to go back to that kind of feeling.

Because it feels like failure, which is actually one of the achievers or fears is failure. Anyways, I've been working on that. That's a whole other that's a whole other topic.

so I just got to the point where I was like, You know what, sorry, maybe you need some extra help. Maybe there are things that you can't do yourself. That you just need somebody to talk you through some accountability, you know, other than your friends and family or your partner.

Maybe you need to invest in yourself. Maybe this is you know, you invest in other kinds of health care, like getting massages or booking yourself in for a mammogram or any any of those kinds of things.

This is probably something that you need to do for your for your health. so I actually didn't even know that you did one on one mentoring, but because I know you well, I wondered I just sent you a direct message and asked you if I could do a few sessions with you. because I just thought it would be helpful. and I thought I needed professional help.

[12:02] VL: So that's yeah, That's a big deal. for help. Especially with someone that you have so definitely want to acknowledge you for that. that's that's a really big deal. and also acknowledge you for doing all the things you do and then recognizing that yes, in my maturity I can ask for help or I do need an outside year or suggestion or method or whatever. it is, so that's a really huge. I know a lot of people who are not have yet to do that.

So, what was it that really surprised you or something that surprised you when you started working on your habits and they started working, and asking for that help what happened at the beginning or what was a surprise for you?

[12:48] SP: Well, one thing that you helped me to do is to look at my calendar. Like let's start at the very beginning.

Look at where in my actual calendar, could I program in spaciousness. So that's one of the things that we did together and I guess I was try to maybe order something like this might surprise, maybe has a connotation of like, be a negative thing, but I was I had some delight and seeing that you didn't put more pressure on me to do another thing.

Tonight, I mean, you weren't like I have a five step plan for you. And actually it's gonna take more time. So I think actually, that's very important for people to know is that you were very responsive to where I was at and you didn't, I didn't feel burdened by any of the things that you suggested. 

​​Going back to the calendar, you had said, let's look at the month of July. So basically during summer school, I was working six days a week and Monday to Friday was definitely 12 hour days. I was so spent all of my activities were basically focused on school and just sleeping, getting up getting dressed and doing it all again some basic care. So leaving encouraged me to find ways to celebrate normal responsibilities in the house too. Can I ask for some of those things to be done by my husband, which he did?

​​And you suggested that either at the beginning or the end of the day, that I have a gratitude journal and it didn't have to be long, long sentences, just the bullet points. A couple of things that I was grateful for, because of course, gratitude is expansive and makes you feel like there's more instead of focusing on the things that are stressing you out, which makes you feel like there's less so gratitude, and then you suggested that after I wrote down the gratitude, I had a few things that I that either felt spacious in my day, or I was doing to create some spaciousness in my day and doing things.

You suggested, you know, taking some time to breathe during class, which I did actually start in my classes with my students with three cleansing breaths, and none of them actually gave me any feedback. I felt weird about it. But nobody really liked it. Because they were kind of stressed out and I also wanted me to start looking at my bedtime routine to try to turn my computer off, like at least two hours before going to bed. And one of the ways that I normally Unwind by watching some some fluffy TV with my husband before that, what that was actually doing is working till sometimes 9:30 then closing the computer, getting things ready for the next day and then sitting down at 10 to watch television just was not good for bedtime.

so you helped me explore some bedtime rituals that I could that I could do to help me unwind. and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so and I believe that was just about it for July but then you had me look at August so, you may remember I mentioned that I wanted to do to spend July doing creative work like writing and researching. Had a couple of workshops planned but that was basically just like, open time to explore and to allow ideas to come to me.

and so going forward into August you know that in between vacation is actually the times that you're at home in between vacation are not very, they're usually quite stressful because you're unpacking from one thing you're getting ready for the next and like all the stuff that you put off to the sky while you were relaxing is now there in your face

So you suggested that I ease into that. I tried to find time to have that time in August. Maybe it wasn't going to be weeks on end. That one I allowed myself to give myself permission to transition from summer school into vacation mode.

And whatever that looked like was just to be easy on myself and give myself permission to do nothing. Then to find two days in my weeks where I could dedicate to my business one day to do administrative stuff like catching up on bookkeeping and another day to just kind of be free and open to reading and writing.

And we also talked a lot about how to make social media easy and spacious. Basically I just put everything aside for social media in July and that was a – that was a mental health saving device. Just basically let people know that I'm gonna disappear for a month and I'm going to be back in August. So just take the pressure off myself to be on social media completely. But I wanted to ease back into it in August. 

And so you suggested also – I thought it was interesting that we kind of had a bit of business coaching as well. Just talking about social media. And yes, it's important for your business but how can you make it work for you?

And so I also decided that during my two weeks of vacation one week of camping with a friend and all have our kids, which would be very focused on being present and being with the kids that you know, could I take some do some stories of like

plants that I would find in and around the campground and do a little bit of teaching around that. And so I did that and actually got a great response from that. And it was fun and it's totally in my wheelhouse. So I felt like I was still not slacking off but I was giving something of value that you know people follow me for. And then the second week of vacation while I was at a cottage with my parents and my partner. I also did the same and so I really took pictures while I was out on walks but I didn't post while I was with them so that I could be totally present.

Again creating spaciousness there and then blocked off time in which I actually did the posting. So I didn't feel that it was bleeding. into the time that I wanted to spend completely with my people.

And that was very helpful as well. So I think those are some of the things that we talked about, and I implemented calendar stuff and then allowed myself to transition to a gratitude journal which I'm still doing, because it's still summertime. You know, it's my, my summer word is spaciousness. and I feel even though I'm kind of gearing back up to the September feeling. I'm still trying to enjoy the last bit of summer before things are in full swing.

[20:59] VL: I love all of that. I love that you revisited the kind of the process I guess that just transpired from us working together. 

I definitely. I mean looking back on everything I remember just from the beginning, how overwhelmed you were and then just week by week, it was like easing into that feeling again, kind of revisiting our recovery. And coming back to that anchor of your feeling word. And it's cool to see how you implement tiny things or make those tiny shifts to your already impacted routines really impacted. Other areas of your life, like from summer school teaching to how you spend your vacations to the transition between July and August to now and then I'm sure it's going to continue on and how you transition into the next season. Right so it's really cool that it had that greater impact. Is there anything else that you would add to that greater impact of what these healthy habits have done for different areas of your life, not just what we focus on. I mean, spaciousness was really such an overarching feeling for all parts of your life and when you look at your calendar it kind of covers everything. Is there anything that we didn’t cover yet?

SP: Not that I can think of at the moment.

VL: And then, what would you say would be like the specific thing that made this habit work for you or what made it so successful for you?

[22:36] SP: Well, one is the feeling word for sure. Because I can keep on coming back to that that was my core desire, and I really felt that was important. And I didn't like the feeling of not feeling spacious. I mean, that was the thing that brought me to you know, the summer solstice and saying, Oh, how do I want to spend my summer because I feel like every, in my mind, I'm like blocking my time into 15 minute chunks, like okay, well, on the way to this location, I can do this, this and this and I need to be done. Anyway, so it just felt like a slave to time. And I hated that. And I just wanted to have fun and rest.

I also wanted to make business feel fun, and I didn't want to be doing it all the time. So the feeling word was very important. And I also liked that it was easy. It didn't have to be hard. I think I have at note from one of our sessions… let me see… “let this be fun1” And we're talking about social media; how to make it fun for myself.

And it's hard to have fun If you don't have spaciousness, So, like everything, kind of trip trickles down from a really good feeling.

[24:03] VL: Yeah, I agree. I agree that was something that we kept coming back to. And not just the word itself. But like, where in all these areas of your life could you feel this way or in all these different parts of your day? Could we tie this in or bring this in? And you started to do more things with intention? I think the other thing that I noticed that you haven't mentioned yet was that there was this feeling of dread for certain parts of the long days the feeling like you needed to show up online every day or you needed to stay relevant and be on social media all the time, which we know isn't true. But when we said okay, like, let's step back a second, how do we want to feel on social media? How do we want to feel about our teaching for unworking for 12 hour plus days? And you were like, Yeah, you're right. I don't want to go into this day. Feeling this negativity and that was part of that gratitude journal practice, which I'm so glad to hear that you're continuing.

Yeah, that's a it's honestly, it. gratitude practice changed my life, but we tweaked it just for you. Right. We treat you for your spaciousness and how you want it to feel on how you wanted to show up as a teacher and an educator and an entrepreneur. So I think you've done a really great job in showing up for yourself and for your habits and I know that as an achiever it's good for you to have that goal, or that kind of light at the end of the tunnel, like what am I working toward? So again, I think spaciousness is really a word. I feel like work really made it successful. for you and creating that word or finding that word for you in ritual or in that sacred space and setting so that's pretty powerful. I love that. 

[25:51] SP: That's a great segue because I have remembered something else that was part of my practice.

Of course, we've talked about spaciousness and the outward things that I was doing, but also in an interior spaciousness. spaciousness in my mind and my spirits and like the, of course there's breathing and that itself is where your physical body and your spirit kind of connect. But also prayer was very important to that act of like, let surrender, letting things go. asking for guidance, even if it was just taking that time in the car driving to work as I could feel my adrenaline going raising up and then just saying okay, it's your deep breaths.

Have some prayer time to just let this go and to actually sometimes I would actually speak into the you know, out loud in the car. And I found that very, very helpful. And tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves tuning in to how my body was feeling, I think grounding ourselves, feeling like you know, I've got 15 minutes and before I'm just gonna run for six hours to say, Well, how am I feeling sitting in this chair? How was my chest feeling like, am I breathing from the top of my lungs or, you know, shallowly or deeply doing that body skin and like am I feeling tight in certain places? Do I feel like yeah, just like doing a body scan? I actually feel like that was very grounding as well. And helped me to feel calm and centered.

And took a lot of the pressure off to just flow. Like you know, I'm an organized person. Everything is like, sometimes I was creating the lessons an hour before I was actually teaching them, but I knew that I had to do that because I had them all written down. Like I had my script today. And so I just needed to be present to that and say, Okay, what's reasonable, and I just kind of helped me to say, okay, what can you achieve now?

What can be put off because of your expectations of getting everything done? well ahead of time, it's just not possible. So how can you make this easy for yourself? and having that practice of breathing, praying, and grounding through like an embodiment practice? I think it is really good as well.

[28:51] VL: Yeah, I love that. That's a. Those are some great examples and great ways of how you incorporated all these different things internally and like you said, with your environment. For someone who is interested in starting a new habit, What advice would you give to them? And then I'll maybe say a follow up to that would be what advice would you give to someone who is trying to figure out their feeling word? Because you did such a great job of this.

[29:20] SP: Okay, let's start with how to find a feeling word.

That's interesting. See, I've been doing that for a while now. So sometimes once things are ritual, you don't even think about it, do it, which is a very good point to vote habits that you're taking the decision fatigue out of the way I think it's kind of like you're gonna send to yourself, where you're at right now present. And, but that's placed you know in the past, like it's you're not go to past and things that have been happening. And your thoughts and feelings about that? And then the present is in between the past and the future that you have thoughts and feelings about. And so it's a little bit like, what do I want to keep from the past? What do I not want? Sometimes it's even more powerful to say, what do I not want to repeat and just think of a positive word.

A word that embodies something that you want in your future. So I would say positive thinking has to be a positive or a generative word, for sure.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat.

So yeah, maybe that's my one helpful tidbit about finding a feeling word is thinking about your past or where you've just come from, and maybe the things that you don't want to repeat. And it needs to be positive. 

[20:35] VL:  Yeah, I agree, that's great. For someone who is interested in starting a habit, what advice would you give to them?

[31:06] SP: start small, start with maybe just one thing and then build on it. That's one thing that I've learned a lot from you is habit stacking. Because once you have one habit, and it becomes habitual, meaning that you don't think about it anymore, you can then add things to that habit.

And so they become kind of like a multi-layered thing. Where one thing leads to another leads to another.

Given an example of my own life, wardrobe prepping the night before having my desk clear the night before my bag packed the night before so there's three habits that have to do with bedtime. We're preparing for the day ahead, the night before.

Which is maybe taking some time in the morning, even if it's just five minutes to be still and to take in the summertime. I take my coffee outside on the grass and I let my cat in so that it becomes a little ritual.

So that's then another thing is that once something becomes a habit, you can make it more meaningful for yourself, by ritualizing it and there's no hocus pocus involved. It's that you're, you're giving it meaning beyond the actual doing of thing. 

[32:46] VL: I think for people to understand those habits, yes, they are meant to be automated. But the intention for how I like to teach habits. It's not so that your life is automated. It's actually so that your life is intentional. And when you are intentional about your behaviors, those behaviors become habitually intentional, going in circles here, but that intention is often fueled deeper by a ritual type of habit. So it's not just oh yeah, I just naturally automatically get out. Make my morning beverage and step outside of my grasp on my cats. I'm mindfully pouring that beverage into a cup that makes me feel a certain way. I'm stepping out into the grass because I know that this is grounding and this is how I embodied those practices, and the intention of being with nature. Being with my cat. So I want to share that experience with her. And so this is the power of the stacking of the habits but also like you said, the feeling or the intention of it really all is interconnected. So I'm really glad that you share those, those parts of it too. 

Because really when you peel back the layers of all the work that we've done down to the root will use your language plans yes, we're down to the seed.

Thank you so much for sharing all of this on the podcast today. I'm glad you said yes to this conversation. because I feel like there was such a transformation within you in such a short amount of time. And not only like the short amount of time, but all of the things that you had going on within that container that we weren't together like the changes within that, that were not really in our control. But what were the things that we could do to make this more useful to make this more spacious and honestly you. You did an incredible job there was lots of growth (another pun there) and transformation so again, thank you so much.

[34:58] SP: Thank you Val for having me, you’re welcome! 

VL: I think a lot of people are going to benefit from your story, I’m really glad.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E196: Spiritual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Five of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E196: Spiritual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Five of The Science & The Spiritual Series

Part five of our series brings us into a deeper knowing of “who we really are” and how we can become “who we truly desire to be”...


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[00:28] Hello there and welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, this is part five of our seven part The Science & The Spiritual Series! Today we’re focusing on building spiritual habits and learning how we can incorporate them.

In case you missed it: this series was inspired – and I guess in a way requested by a listener of the podcast! So if you’ve been loving this series as much as I have, we can all thank Ceri for sliding into my DMs on instagram and suggesting a breakdown of different types of habits and how to incorporate them.

If you have requests or suggestions for the show, I’d love to hear them! Either send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife or connect with me through my website.

In this series we’re discussing habits that fall under the seven dimensions of wellness. These dimensions are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational.

Each episode focuses on one of the seven dimensions, and includes three different habits for this specific topic. We use scientific-methods as well as spiritual practices to help you cultivate the different habit examples for each episode. 

If you’ve already been following along with the series, GREAT! I know you are going to love learning about spiritual wellness and the tools to bring them into your life!

If you’re new to the Series or the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, WELCOME! We’re so happy to have you! And although you can technically listen to this episode before the others in the series, I strongly recommend listening to the past episodes because there are very different methods and tools discussed in each of them that can also be used for developing spiritual habits!

In episode one we deep dive into the power of WHY and the scientific benefits of doing, and not doing, our habits.

Episode 189: Physical Habits

In episode two, we learn about different brainwaves and how to reach a balance between them for optimized growth, expansion, and lifestyle.

Episode 190: Emotional Habits

In episode three, we discover what self-directed neuroplasticity is and how to use the Habit Loop to create habits.

Episode 192: Intellectual Habits

And in the most recent episode, four, we break down the meaning and function of motivation with behavioural science.

Episode 195: Social Habits

In today’s episode, we’ll take a peek behind the scenes into what it actually means to form a habit in the brain.

[03:03] But first!... Let's introduce our topic: Spiritual Dimension of Wellness.

Spiritual wellness is all about having a set of guiding principles, beliefs, or values that inspire direction in our lives. It includes faith, hope and commitment to your personal beliefs that give you a sense of purpose and meaning. This is also “a willingness to seek meaning and purpose in human existence, to question everything and to appreciate the things which cannot be readily explained or understood.

A spiritually well person seeks harmony between what lies within as well as the forces outside.” [source]

Since you’re listening to this particular episode I’m going to assume that you can identify in some way shape or form as a spiritual person. And as a spiritual, and also very open person myself I will speak to spirituality simply and generally since each and everyone of us has our own relationship with and definition of faith and spirituality. With that being said, you are obviously open enough to be listening to this episode, which is partially part of developing this area of wellness, great job!

As with each of the dimensions of wellness, and each of our examples throughout this series, I am sharing three basic habits to develop. They are options, and meant to be customized to your own goals and lifestyle. My goal for this series is to inspire you to elevate one of the areas of your own health and wellness. 

As you’re listening to this series you may feel inspired to take action on something more specific to you, and I 100% support that! If you’re feeling stuck, confused, frazzled, or lost about your habits, I’d love to invite you into my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship coaching experience. In this three-month container we focus on you and your unique goals, habits, and routines. It’s the perfect opportunity to really dive deep into exactly what you need to grow and cultivate lasting change. If you’re interested in joining me in this personalized experience, please visit www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship and we can connect further. I’d love to support you in cultivating your elevated life.

Now back to the three specific examples we’ll be focusing on today:

  1. Spending time alone in meditation/prayer

  2. Seeing opportunities for growth in the challenges life brings you

  3. Listening to your inner wisdom and living by your core values 

This already feels deep… but we’re talking habits so we need to keep them simple or we won’t do them - IYKYK from our last episode on motivation. 

[05:58] Spiritual Wellness & The Science

When it comes to the science of habit formation and neuroscience in general, Dr. Joe Dispenza is my go-to expert. I mentioned him in episode two of this series, because I love the way he breaks down complex concepts into clear and simple language. He also thoroughly describes and researches spiritual concepts in a very scientific way. I have read many of his books and I am always blown away by his research and discoveries. I think he’s the perfect resource for this wellness dimension because of his passion for neuroscience and spirituality.

Today, I will refer to some of the concepts he describes in his book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.

Humans are pretty incredible beings. We process between 60-70 000 thoughts per day. According to Dr. Dispenza, “Of those 60-70 000 thoughts, 90% of those thoughts are the same as the day before.” He goes on to describe a common pattern: “The same thoughts will lead to the same choices. The same choices will lead to the same behaviours. The same behaviours will create the same experiences, and the experience will produce emotions. And those same familiar emotions will inspire the same thoughts. And overtime this becomes an identity or personality.” 

He says, “Your personality creates your personal reality, and your personality is the thoughts that you fire and wire in your brain, and behaviours that you demonstrate to reinforce experience that reaffirm those circuits in your brain. And then the emotions that you memorize as those results of who you think you are. So then if you wanted to create a new personal reality, then you’re going to have to examine the thoughts that you’re thinking, the habits or behaviours that you’re demonstrating, and the emotions that you’re living by.”

When we keep thinking, feeling, and acting the same way every day, our biology, our genes, our neurology stays the same or equal to who we already are. Because we will be doing the same things, and making the same choices. And this won’t stop until we make changes.

To really make the changes in our lives, we have to become somebody else, the somebody we want to be. In the podcast I often talk about this as the “Best Version of Ourselves.” And maybe that’s becoming a little bit cliche, but it’s true! And if you have another name for it, that’s okay with me!

To be the person we desire to become and embody, is to step outside of our familiar selves. It means we are stepping into the unknown, stretching out of our comfort zones, and shedding the skin of who we were.

This is hella scary! And often when we feel scared, we revert back to those familiar thoughts, feelings, actions, choices, etc. But this is not how we grow. We will never change if we keep returning back to our old patterns. We will only evolve if we think, act, and live in new ways and with new emotional states. When we do this “our biology reorganizes itself to reflect a new level of mind” [source]

[09:49] Let’s take a moment to use this concept with our habit examples. Of course, our habits are not as simple as “floss teeth” or “go to the gym” however they can be more specific and tangible. 

If these habits are new to you and your daily or weekly routines, then OF COURSE these will already begin to pull you out of your comfort zone and unfamiliarity because they are new! So let’s make them more specific and simplify them into more tangible actions.

Our first example is: Spending time alone in meditation/prayer

Perhaps we want to incorporate this habit into our morning routine. This might mean we have to wake up earlier, which is awfully uncomfortable, especially if you like to sleep in. So we can either start simple with waking up 5-10 minutes earlier for a short meditation. OR we can replace an existing morning habit like scrolling on our phones for a 10-20 minute meditation instead. 

There is an app called Insight Timer that I really love for meditation. My hot tip here would be to download the Insight Timer app and put it in your phone where your email, instagram, or tik tok app usually is, so that when you wake up and you’re used to going on your phone, you’ll be more likely to open the meditation app rather than social media and start scrolling. 

Meditation is such a powerful practice and habit in itself, so be selective in the type of meditations or the topics of guided meditations you choose. Perhaps you search for sessions related to elevating life, conversations with your Higher Self, gratitude, and so on.

Something to keep in mind when incorporating this habit is that most meditation research shows significant changes after 8 consistent weeks of 20 minute meditations.

Our second example is: See opportunities for growth in the challenges life brings you

When it comes to this habit, let’s make it tangible by keeping a daily journal. More specifically, a gratitude journal. This practice can be done before going to sleep at night, or in the morning before you begin the day. Personally, I like doing this in the evenings.

In your journal, write the date and then three to five things you’re grateful for that day. Along with listing the three things, you’ll want to elaborate on why you’re grateful for them. 

The ‘why’ is the key because, writing out WHY you felt gratitude, will help you revisit and reconnect to the feeling again. And as we’ve been discussing, your thoughts and feelings are some of the things that encompass your personality + personal reality. So a habit of connecting to the people, places, things, and moments in your life that brought you joy will be an invitation to bring more joy into your life!

Dr. Dispenza says, “[when a] person writes down their intention… they’re telling their brain that they mean business. Less than 2% of Americans actually write their goals and intentions down. But once they write them down, they have an 80% chance of succeeding, because the moment you write it down, it means that you now have a direction that you’re moving towards. The next thing is to have sponsoring thoughts.”

Writing down your gratitude journal from the day works just like when we write our intentions. Those sponsoring thoughts are the reasons and feelings behind our experiences and intentions. This is actually a perfect segway into our third example.

Our third example is: Listen to your inner wisdom and live by your core values 

Writing down your core values and making these your intentions for your actions, thoughts, and choices. Your inner wisdom can be your gut intuition, it can be the instinctive urges to take action on an idea, and/or it can be the knowing that you’ve committed to a core value and the choice in front of you is either a HELL YES or a nope when asking yourself, “does this align with my core values?”

This example also reminds me a lot of our first episode in the series because we’re talking about intention. We also discussed this a bit in episode four, when we go deeper into motivation. 

Your core values become your intention, and the goal for this habit is to make choices based on your intention/core values. So essentially we’re creating a habit of mindfulness with our choices and not just blindly following, or automatically answering/responding. We are pausing to observe ourselves and make decisions with more meaning and purpose and alignment. 

[14:30] Spiritual Wellness & The Spiritual… Tools

I had a little giggle when I was producing this episode and I had made a note that said “Spiritual Wellness & The Spiritual” so I added “… Tools” to that and that made me laugh. Part of this seven-part series is learning about some spiritual tools that could be useful in creating these new habits. The theme for each episode has been using crystals and essential oils. So I’ve found a couple I think would pair well with each habit. 

Spending time alone in meditation/prayer

Crystals

[source

Selenite: “is a powerful crystal associated with the crown chakra. It is particularly beneficial for developing peace, serenity, and universal consciousness.”

Black Tourmaline: is “helpful for repelling negative vibes. It helps shift a negative mindset and is a great tool for meditation.”

Essential Oils

Sandalwood: oil of Sacred Devotion

This essential oil assists with all kinds of prayer, meditation, and spiritual worship. It has been used since ancient times for its powerful ability to calm the mind, still the heart, and prepare the spirit to communicate with God.

Clary Sage: oil of Clarity & Vision

This oil helps us in changing our perceptions. It gives courage to see the truth. It is a great essential oil for our third eye or brow chakra. It opens the soul to new possibilities and experiences.

Seeing opportunities for growth in the challenges life brings you

Crystals

[source

Grey Botswana Agate: “helps create an internal shift from a problem-oriented mindset to a solution-mindset. This helps us be more thankful for all the opportunities and lessons we have a chance to learn.”

Hiddenite: “is there for us when we feel like there is nothing in life to be thankful for. This gemstone has the power to lighten our mood and banish depressing thoughts. It does so by teaching us to appreciate the path we are on and renews our sense of hope.”

Essential Oils

Spikenard: oil of Gratitude

This essential oil encourages true appreciation for life. It opens the soul to acceptance and gratitude, and helps us see our deeper meaning in life. 

Frankincense: oil of Truth 

This oil invites us to let go of lower vibrations, lies, deceptions and negativity. It helps us create new perspectives based on light and truth. It assists spiritual awakening and helps us feel the love of the Divine.

Listening to your inner wisdom and living by your core values 

Crystals

[source

Tiger’s Eye: “mental strength is absolutely crucial while dealing with challenging situals and tiger’s eye helps you achieve that… [it] clears doubts and cloudiness in your mind, and over time, it also helps you become a better decision-maker.”

Malachite: “We all need guidance and protection to ensure we’re on the right track… and malachite is an incredible stone in this regard… [it] cleanses your aura and attunes you to higher spiritual guidance… it is considered the stone of transformation.”

Essential Oils

Roman Chamomile: oil of Spiritual Purpose

This oil supports us in discovering and living our true life’s purpose. It helps us to find purpose and meaning in what we do and helps us feel calmer and more at peace.

Coriander: oil of Integrity

This essential oil is the oil of integrity, especially with oneself. It moves us from doing things for the acceptance of others to honouring and living from the True Self.

It does feel a little silly to talk about spiritual methods when forming spiritual habits - they’re already quite spiritual! However I do feel that the examples I’ve shared with you today are actually very practical in nature, and the key with all of them is awareness and action!

Now that you’ve listened to this episode to develop the awareness of what it is you want to achieve, it’s up to YOU to take action on your goals and make the uncomfortable choices moving forward. 


And if you feel called to step out of your comfort zone with more support, I would love to connect to see if we’re the right fit for each other and be that support for you to take the big leaps, and make the uncomfortable moves, and stay on your path to becoming the best version of you. If you feel connected to work with me in a deeper, more intimate container, please connect with me at and I’d love to begin this journey with you.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series

There is a lot that goes into creating habits, especially the more complex ones like social wellness habits! Here are ways to:

Cultivate Healthy Relationships,
Communicate Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas, and
Contribute to Your Community (Including Sharing Talents and Skills)…


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[00:29] Hi there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, this is your hostess with the mostess Valerie LaVigne and today we are continuing with our seven-part series all about incorporating habits in different areas of wellness!

Today features, part four: SOCIAL wellness.

If you’re new to the series, or to the podcast, welcome! My name is Valerie and I’m a certified Health Coach and Fitness instructor. My main focuses are with Healthy Habits and Pilates, although the podcast is more about the healthy habits side of my business, I do mention my pilates business once in a while! 

The women’s empowerment podcast is all about health, wealth, and happiness. This specific series covers the seven dimensions of health and wellness, which are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational. We break down one of the areas per episode and I’ve included scientific-based research as well as spiritual practices to implement the habits discussed in each episode. 

[01:34] If you haven’t listened to the other episodes in the series yet, don’t worry. They can be stand-alone episodes, however, each episode covers a separate science-based method. The science part of these episodes I find absolutely fascinating, and more importantly transferable for any type of habit you are creating!

For example, in episode one we talked about the power of understanding the science-based research of the benefits of your habits, as well as the research behind not doing the physical habits. This can be used for emotional, and social habits as well!

In episode two, I shared information all about four different brainwave patterns we experience through mindfulness, meditation, and sleep. These brainwaves aren’t just for emotional habits, but can also be helpful for creating physical, or intellectual habits.

And in episode three, I introduced the Habit Loop using self-directed neuroplasticity, and you guessed it! This can be supportive for building new environmental or occupational habits.

So technically, no you don’t HAVE to listen to every episode in the series, however I do recommend it, since the information is different for each one and can be used for any and all of your healthy habits!

[03:00] If you’re wondering what “Social Wellness” really means, “it refers to our ability to interact successfully in our global community and to live up to the expectations and demands of our personal roles. This means learning good communication skills, developing intimacy with others, and creating a support network of friends and family members. 

Social wellness includes showing respect for others and yourself. Contributing to your community and to the world builds a sense of belonging.” [source

Although there are many different ways to practice social wellness, I’ve chosen three examples that we will use in today’s episode:

  1. Cultivating healthy relationships

  2. Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

  3. Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

Let’s break these down to better understand them. The first example: cultivating healthy relationships, can be seen in many different ways. If this is the habit you would like to work on, I suggest asking yourself: what does a healthy relationship look like/feel like/sound like to me? 

Personally, I aim to treat people the way that I would like to be treated. This, as a general guideline, makes cultivating my current relationships easier to navigate because I use myself as a measure. Then as the relationship deepens, and I understand the other person more, I can adjust or balance with their own needs working together to create that healthy relationship.

If you’re looking for something more specific in terms of the habit, choose one relationship you have currently (perhaps a romantic partner, a friend, a co-worker, a family member), and ideate what that specific relationship means to you. 

  • Is it physical touch?

  • Is it more quality time?

  • Is it balanced communication?

  • Is it clear boundaries?

Once you have that answer, you can work on a more specific actionable habit.

The second habit example for today is: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am well aware that some people are naturally stronger at communicating these than others. And that doesn’t mean that this skill cannot be developed, it will just take some time and practice to build or strengthen this habit. 

As a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on this topic so I am excited to share some of my ah-ha moments and breakthroughs with you! In fact now that I’m talking about it, I feel like this is a great solo episode idea! 

If you want to specify this particular skill with certain habits, I recommend outlining where you feel most frustrated versus where you feel most satisfied. Where could you improve in this area? And where are you confident? This gives us a starting point, and it also shows us what strengths we currently have and can leverage. 

As an example, you may be a strong verbal communicator, but when it comes to writing out your ideas, thoughts or feelings, you freeze! We can create habits around using verbal and written communication together to improve.

The last habit example for today is: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills). I strongly believe that part of our human experience is to develop and share our personal talents and skills. Each and every one of us has a unique offer to give to the world. 

You may be listening and nodding along because you feel this deeply and may also know your own gifts. Or… perhaps your brow is furrowed and you haven’t aligned with your unique talent yet, and that is okay. If you resonate with the latter, and you’re looking at discovering your passion, I highly recommend listening to Episode 182 of this podcast as it can offer some valuable insights into achieving this clarity and connection to self!

Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

[07:17 ] The Science: Automation

Hopefully you’ve decided which social wellness habit to focus on. I recommend starting with ONE and you can stack, or build on to the first habit once it has been created. 

It’s important to mention, that just because you’ve decided to create a new habit or routine, doesn’t mean it becomes habitual immediately. It is our repeated actions that lead to habits.

And did you know that “various studies have shown that somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of what we do every day is the product of habit? That means that half of our lives [are] governed by what scientists term automaticity.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.153]

This includes actions from how we start our day, to how we interact with the world, and so much more in between! Anything you do without thinking is a result of habit, and is automatic. 

Since this is essentially how we conduct our lives, our habits largely determine our health, wealth and happiness! When we know how to change our habits, we are empowered to manage our days, and focus on behaviours that align us with the best versions of ourselves, and how we want to live our lives.

[08:37] The Science: The Habit Loop Recap

If you remember back to the last episode in the series Episode 192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked all about The Habit Loop.

As a recap, the habit loop has four components:

  1. Cue: this is the trigger to your habit.

  2. Craving: the urge or desire to motivate you

  3. Response: engaging in the action, thought, or behaviour

  4. Reward: the satisfying outcome you were craving

The “science” part of today’s episode builds on this habit loop. More specifically, we want to examine our bad social wellness habits and replace them with new healthy social habits. This is because, according to Dr. Elliot Berkman, director of the Social and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Oregon, “It’s much easier to start doing something new than to stop doing something habitual without a replacement behaviour.”

When we look at our examples, we can use the notes we made about what we want to improve, and what we already have going for us and begin to swap the negative or unhelpful habit with something better.

For example, cultivating healthy relationships:

Our romantic relationship lacks freshness and physical connection, and is strong in quality time together. Now we can use face-to-face quality time to bring in the “fresh” and “physical” parts of the relationship and connection we’re craving.

Or our second habit example: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas:

We are excellent verbal communicators, and want to improve our writing. Besides joining a writer’s workshop, we could open up a dictation app like Otter, and speak our thoughts aloud as the app dictates it. Then we can edit the dictation, such as cleaning up the punctuation or creating more flow and turn it into a blog post for our community.

OTTER APP

And of course our last social habit example: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills):

Again, re-listening to Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success to build our connection to self and discover our passions.

[11:00] The Science: Breaking Bad Habits

Or getting in the habit of cultivating and strengthening our unique gifts and passions through practice and perseverance.

When it comes to breaking bad habits and the effort to do so, Dr. Thomas G. Plante, adjunct clinical professor for the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, said, “It depends on how much you really want to break the habit. Many people are ambivalent. They want to lose weight, but they love the foods they eat. They want to reduce their alcohol consumption but love their happy hour. They want to stop picking their nails, but it reduces stress for them. So, one important issue is how strongly you really want to break the habit in question. Second, how established is the problem habit? It is easier to break a new habit than an old one. Third, what are the consequences of not breaking the habit? Will a partner leave you? Will you lose a job? Will you get sick? Will something really bad happen if you don’t change?” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

These are very great points and questions to consider, and many people don’t dig that deep when working on their habits, routines, and rituals. So they focus on surface level action, without understanding the deeper changes that need to and are taking place. Most people give up after a few weeks, or even days! Even though studies have shown that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit.

In the first episode of this series, Episode189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked about intention setting and understanding WHY we’re doing the specific habit. We identified the scientific benefits of doing the new habit, and the negative effects of not doing the healthy habit. 

[12:57] The Science: Motivation

Today, we’re going much deeper into habit motivation, so that we can better understand how this works beyond physical habits and into other habits, such as our social wellness habits. “Dr. B. J. Fogg created the Fogg Behavior Model to identify the circumstances that need to be present for behaviour change to occur. “For a target behaviour to happen,” he notes, “a person must have sufficient motivation, sufficient abilify, and an effective prompt. All three factors must be present at the same instant for the behaviour to occur.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

Basically you need three things in place for your habit to happen:

  1. Motivation: You need the desire to do it

  2. Ability: You need the skills to do it

  3. Prompts: And you need something to get you started in the habit loop AKA the “cue” from our habit loop

Let’s break these down deeper, and correlate them to our social wellness habits.

Motivation

Fogg identifies three key motivators:

  1. Pleasure/pain: Fogg says, “I believe pleasure/pain is a primitive response, and it functions adaptively in hunger, sex, and other activites related to self-preservation and propagation of our genes.”

  1. Hope/fear: Not as immediate as the first motivator, but rather focusing on anticipation of a good thing happening, or in terms of fear, a bad thing happening. Fogg notes, “This dimension is at times more powerful than pleasure/pain, as is evidence in everyday behaviour. For example, in some situations, people will accept pain in order to overcome fear.”

  1. Social acceptance/rejection: “The power of social motivation is likely hardwired into us and perhaps all other creatures that historically depended on living in groups to survive.”

As we understand these motivators, we can apply them to our habit examples.

Cultivating healthy relationships

  1. Pleasure/pain: feeling good or supported in our relationships versus feeling bad or abused

  2. hope/fear: hope for positive results and a happy future growing together, fear for separation/breakup

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: having healthy relationships and a vibrant social life is incredibly beneficial to our quality of life and has been shown to increase lifespan

Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

  1. pleasure/pain: confidence and wholeness of self expression versus holding in thoughts, feelings and ideas

  2. hope/fear: the hope that your thoughts, feelings and ideas matter, the fear of never sharing your truth

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: feeling seen and heard by others, versus people not liking what you have to share

Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

  1. pleasure/pain: self-expression and feelings of purpose, versus not feeling purposeful

  2. hope/fear: hope that you can make a difference in the world by sharing your talents, versus the fear that you don’t have gifts or talents or purpose

  3. Social acceptance/rejection: you help your community, your talents are rejected by your community

Ability

The second motivator, ability, is equivalent to simplicity. Not only are you capable of doing it, but it is EASY and simple to do. Fogg defines six categories of simplicity: [source: LIMITLESS book p.160]

  1. Time: we think something is simple when we also think we have the available time to take the action

  2. Money: similar to time, if something challenges our financial resources, it is no longer simple.

  3. Physical Effort: things that are physically easy to do are simple

  4. Brain Cycles: anything that doesn’t make us think too hard, too much, or too often

  5. Social Deviance: just like acceptance motivation, the simple action also fits into societal norms

  6. Nonroutine: How far out of the normal routine it is defines the level of simplicity

Since our social wellness habits are broad and require multiple people, interactions, and experiences, it can be challenging to see and create simplicity. Doing so will make your social wellness habits more successful!

When considering your own habits, draw the path of least resistance to achieving this new action, and refer to the six categories to help you create that easy way forward.

Prompts

The last of Fogg’s motivators is prompts, or “Cues” as we know them from our habit loop. Fogg notes three types of prompts [source LIMITLESS p.161]

  1. Spark: a type of prompt that immediately leads to a form of motivation

  2. Facilitator: this type of prompt works when motivation is high but ability is low.

  3. Signal: In some cases, you’ll have both high motivation and high ability. The only other thing you need to make a behaviour a habit is some kind of reminder or signal. 

Really understanding the science of motivation can help us build all sorts of habits. And prepare us for success and satisfaction in our relationships, communication, and connection to our communities. It’s important to want the new habit you’re starting, initiate the habit, and to create a cue or trigger that makes you want to do it (ASAP).

[19:05] The Spiritual

Let’s take a look at some spiritual tools and methods for creating new social wellness habits. In each of our series’ episodes I share crystals, essential oils, and sometimes other spiritual tools for enhancing our simple actions.

Here are 6 crystals for improving/enhancing social wellness habits:

[source

[source]

[source

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Rose Quartz: for compassionate chats

Blue Apatite: helps us to see things as they are, so we can speak our truth without feeling guilty for vocalizing our needs

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Aquamarine: for letting words flow

Carnelian: for confident public speaking 

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Laborodie: for bringing wisdom to your words

Sodalite: often called the stone of peace, for soothing anxiety and communicating authentically

Here are 6 essential oils for improving/enhancing social wellness habits. I’ve organized them into each of the habit examples for today’s episode.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Magnolia: Oil of Compassion

This essential oil connects people with the energy of the divine matriarch; a feminine spiritual source that expects individuals to treat one another with mercy and compassion. Magnolia is a tender oil and helps us live in love and harmony. It inspires us to engage with one another in empathy and by holding mirrors of each other. It reminds us that each soul is equally deserving of kindness and respect.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply to centre of the chest (heart centre), or crown of the head

Marjoram: Oil of Connection

This oil helps those who are unable to trust others or form meaningful relationships. Marjoram shows the barriers that have been formed as protection from others. It reveals unhelpful patterns and teaches us that trust is the basis for all relationships. It helps in increasing warmth and trust in social situations by softening the heart and healing past wounds.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over the heart and chest.

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Lavender: Oil of Communication & Calm

This essential oil helps verbal expression and calms the mind. Specifically it calms insecurities that are felt when one risks their true thoughts and feelings. It addresses a deep fear of being seen and heard and supports individuals in releasing the tension and constriction that stems from withheld expression. Lavender encourages emotional honesty and insists that one speaks their innermost thoughts and desires. 

Inhale from bottle or apply 1-3 drops over throat, temples or on nape of neck

Spearmint: Oil of Confident Speech

This oil inspires clarity of thought and confident verbal expression. Those who need spearmint, may hide their thoughts, opinions, and ideas by withholding their voices. Spearmint encourages inner clarity about personal convictions and opinions. It then assists individuals in translating that inner clarity into words.

Inhale from bottle, or dilute 1-3 drops with carrier oil and apply over throat.

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Cedarwood: Oil of Community

This essential oil brings people together to experience the strength and value of community. Those in need of cedarwood struggle to form bonds with social groups. Cedarwood supports people in seeing that they are not alone; life is a shared experience. It also assists in opening the awareness of people to support the system that is already available to them, such as friends and family. It invites people to both give and receive, so they may experience the strength of groups and the joy of relationships.

Inhale from a bottle, or dilute 3-4 drops with carrier oil and apply on arms, legs or bottoms of feet.

Neroli: Oil of Shared Purpose & Partnership

This oil is unifying and stabilizing. It’s helpful for calming troubled hearts in relationship conflict. It influences promoting harmony and acceptance and growth. Neroli helps in realizing deeper states of connection in intimate moments. It teaches us that unity blossoms from adaptation, cooperation, tolerance, perseverance, and kindness. It encourages active acceptance and supportive space. 

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over heart, sacral chakra (lower stomach), throat or behind the ears.


I also wanted to share some other helpful practices that I would file under spiritual sorts.

[22:12] This first practice, or theory is for the habit of cultivating healthy relationships. In the yoga philosophy there are Eight Limbs of Yoga. One of those limbs is called the YAMA-S, and as we’ve been discussing this dimension of wellness, I am reminded of one of the YAMA-S called “ahimsa” which directly translates to “non harming” or “non injury.”

It reminds me of this dimension because social wellness encompasses respect for others, and respect to ourselves. When practicing ahimsa, we are nonharming to ourselves and others through thought, action, or words.

Secondly, I mentioned early in this episode that, as a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on the topic of communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas.

One of my breakthrough moments was this past summer when I attended a virtual training with a gentleman named Mahfuz Chowdhury. 

Instagram: @mahfuzc 

He talked about storytelling and components of a killer presentation. I attended this training while I was also reading the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth, and I think this is why part of the presentation was so impactful for me. It was because Mahfuz has grit! He found his passion for public speaking, marketing, and storytelling and has learned to develop this skill with every opportunity possible. And if he isn’t public speaking, he’s working behind the scenes to master this craft. Talk about passion and perseverance! 

One of the things Mahfuz does is hook a mic up to himself when he is doing a speech or an interview or speaking engagement. This is HIS mic, not part of the production’s technology. He demonstrates grit by recording himself, and following the speaking engagement he re-listens to the recording and makes notes of where and how he can improve.

A lot of speakers will practice leading up to an event, but not many of them FOLLOW UP with their speeches. This goes beyond practice, and adds more intention and mastery to building this skill. It’s an excellent idea and I will be using this in my own skill development as well!

Thank you so much for joining me this week on another episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! It means so much to me that you’re here. I feel a bit speechless to share that we are almost at 200 episodes! And just shy of 80 000 downloads of the podcast! 

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! For showing up week after week. It is such a gift to read your reviews and messages about the show. If you haven’t already left a review for the podcast on Apple Podcasts, please do. It means the world to me and I read all of them! 

I have also just learned that I can only read reviews left in Canada, which I didn’t know before! So if you are from outside of Canada and leaving a review for the show, could you please screenshot your review and email it directly to hello@valerielavignelife.com !? I would love to read it and personally thank you for taking the time.

Sending you lots of love and blessings! I’ll meet you here next week for part five of our series: spiritual wellness! 

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E194: From Frazzled to Focused in 21 Days
 
 

E194: From Frazzled to Focused in 21 Days

The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge Spring Edition was a HUGE SUCCESS! Hear from five challenge members as they share their biggest wins and surprises of their transformation!


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[00:29] Valerie: welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, today we have five very special guests on the show. I know FIVE! This past spring, I hosted a 21 Day Healthy Habits Challenge and reached out to a few of the members to be on the show are here with us today and I asked them all answer the questions.

If you’re familiar with the show, you may recognize some of the questions, because in an episode very similar to this, which was Episode 173 where we talked about how small actions impact the 21 days. And those were some of the members from the first round of the challenge. This is a challenge that I run a few times a year and I'm excited to let you know that the next one will be coming in September! So if you want to get a waitlist for that, CLICK HERE!

Episode 173: Small Actions that Created Big Impact in Only 21 Days

Join our upcoming Healthy Habit Challenge HERE!

I love this challenge because our simple habits become ​​life changing for the people that have taken the challenge. One of the reasons I have these 21 day challenges is because I really like to support within this 21 hour challenge members are going to share with you today is their own experience in their own words of what the 21 Day Challenge has been able to gift them and help them grow.

If you’re new here, I’m Valerie LaVigne, a Healthy Habit Mentor. I help you create and stick to your habits and routines to make your life easier and effortless and gives you the freedom and time for the things that you love, and the things you enjoy! When we can really automate the right habits – our healthy habits – we can show up better for the people counting on us. This is the freedom for us to make a bigger impact on the world around us.

THE “FEELING WORD”

Now I won’t talk too much today, but I will be popping in between the voice notes that you’ll hear today. And what I do want to say is whether I’m working with you one-on-one, like in my Make a Habit Mentorship program, in a small group such as the Healthy Habit Membership, or in a larger group for a shorter amount of time, in the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge, there is a specific focus and starting point we all use. The key starting point is to set an intention or feeling word.

So let’s hear from our guests today. You’re going to meet them to learn about what their intention or feeling word was for the 21 days and what kinds of habits they wanted to cultivate!

[04:00] Kayla-Jane: Hey! My name is Kayla Jane, and my word that I want to focus on for 21 days was focus. To get more focused in my routine. I started practicing no phone before 838 to get back into my writing daily habit, and to spend five minutes every morning, meditating, I also decided to sneak in drinking one glass of water before my coffee.

[04:29] Mia: My name is Mia. You can find me @miaonthemap and my feeling word – or words, were grounded and purposeful.

[04:40] Elise: my name is Elise and my feeling words were healthy, strong, and capable. My habits were drinking 2.5-3 litres of water a day, plus 20 minutes of movement a day.

[04:58] Keira: Hello my name is Keira, and I joined the 21 day Habit Challenge in search of being more consistent with a yoga practice, and finding gratitude in each day, and my feeling word was joyful.

[05:19] Candice: Hey I'm Candace, my goal or my habit that I was changing during fostering 21 Day Challenge was to go to bed before 11 This was super difficult for me and but I knew that it would create a solid foundation for everything else in my life. And so my feeling word to go along with that was centered.

[05:39] Valerie: One of the reasons why the feeling word is so important is because it becomes our motivation it becomes our WHY. So when we don't feel like doing the habit when we can don't feel like getting up in the morning for our routine or we don't feel like going for the walk or movement practice. We come back to the feeling word. Why did we set out for this in the first place? And I think what's really important to remember as well or something to come back to as well is understanding where we are starting what our starting point is. where are we before the challenge, because even though we're all coming together for these 21 days are all starting at really different parts and we all have very different motivations. So I asked the challenge members, where were you before the challenge started, and here is what they shared.

BEFORE THE 21 DAY CHALLENGE

Kayla-Jane: Before the challenge, I felt pretty grounded in my routine but I felt like there was a lack of structure. And by setting these simple, healthy habits for 21 days, I actually didn't notice that I was starting to become much more focused in my routine and understanding the why. And for me one of the biggest things was the no phone before 8:30am This is one of the habits that has, I genuinely think changed my life.

Not looking at my phone has allowed me to embrace what I'm actually feeling and allowing myself to tap into my needs and my feelings and my thoughts that day and not being overwhelmed by everything else that's going on in the world.

Mia: So before this challenge began, I was super frantic and frazzled. and just feeling spread pretty thin. I had been trying to do way too much at once. and not really seeing how to move forward I felt pretty stuck. Even though I was doing a lot and none of it was really purposeful. I was just kinda like, I felt like a little Marionette, that was just being pulled in different directions. So, yeah, that's how I felt before, fell before the challenge.

Elise: before starting the challenge, I had recently just moved into a house with my partner and left my condo that I loved like I absolutely loved it. I just needed some kind of not scheduled but like consistency in my schedule because everything was kind of all over the place. And it was just feeling a little bit overwhelmed with all of the changes.

Keira: When I joined the 21 day practice, it just kind of became spring, with spring came this renewed energy. So life was busy. There was a lot of things going on and I started finding less and less time to stay grounded and find the happiness and joyfulness in each day. Because I got caught up in life, and that's where it was at when I started this practice and that's why I wanted to join the challenge

Candice: Before the challenge started, I was feeling real frazzled. I was spread super thin. I was having a difficult time getting stuff done during the day just because I was so tired and it was really based on my sleep schedule being wonky, so I'd be going to bed late and then I'd be getting up early and so it made it difficult to do quality work during the day.

And to be like truly productive I wasn't giving myself time to rest and to recharge so that I could show up as my best self.

FAVOURITE FROM THE 21 DAY CHALLENGE

[09:35] Valerie: Once you’ve committed to the 21 Day Challenge and join the community, a few different things are to happen. First, you get crystal clear on your intention and your feeling word which we've already talked about. And the next as you start tracking your habits you start to really show up for yourself for those habits and for the other community members. In the past we've used a separate Instagram account to really showcase all the different people who are working on the challenge. This next round I am changing things up a little and I'm not going to ruin too many surprises, but it will still be a social sharing piece. If people are interested in it. It's always optional to share but I do find it gives you that extra boost of accountability. 

And it helps people connect with each other within the challenge because they see who else is doing it. You get to make new friends, you can follow new people and you can help each other grow throughout those 21 days and possibly beyond the 21 days. Community and accountability are incredibly important for cultivating and creating new habits. There is so much more power when we do something together even if we're not working on the exact same habit, but we're doing so within the same container – Within this 21 Day container.

What I love are my favorite part of this challenge is seeing how we are all growing together as these trackers and as these posts come through and I always ask the members to tag me so that I can share and cheer you on, and other members can also reach out to you, send you some hearts, send you some love notes, whatever the case may be. So that's one of my favorite things about this 21 Day Challenge. Let's hear what the members favorite things from the challenge.

Kayla-Jane: I also love that this challenge came up. I'm a huge astrology nerd. But I had a transit coming up that was Mars in Pisces and falls into my house of routine and structures and I found that implementing these few things, these few little habits actually helped me find so much flow in my life. And I think for a while I was fighting, having a little tiny bit of structure in the morning because it's like Who wants a to do list before not? Am I right, but to be honest, having these simple habits has brought a lot of clarity, and I've been getting back into my writing routine, and my one glass of water before coffee has become automatic. Who is she!?

Mia: My favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was being reminded daily to practice. So I word with gratitude and that for me. It didn't mean necessarily having a journal or whatnot. I just tried once a day to remind myself of things I was thankful for. I tried to do this while I was going for a walk. It didn't always work that way but it kind of centered me in a way that I didn't expect because I'm still doing that. Now, thanks to this challenge.

Elise: My favorite part of the challenge was having the group to kind of hold me accountable. I really liked that because I kind of needed that in my life, but I also loved how it was a judgment free zone. So, if there was a day that I didn't 100% achieve my goals. I knew that I would be okay because there's just so much love in the group.

Keira: My favorite part of the challenge was actually making the accountability posts. I know that we were provided with sort of a calendar that we could put our little stamps on or a little emojis and share that way but this time around for the challenge, I decided to kind of curate my posts accountability posts, and it allowed me to share some of the highlights of my day.

​​Personal quotes that resonated with me for that day, and just shared the gratitude I had each day, and it really gave me that like extra opportunity to focus and stay grounded. And it was, it was nice to see the reactions that I got from people on those posts in particular.

Candice: My favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was some of the connections I made with the other community members seeing their stories being reposted on the special Instagram page, the healthy habits Instagram page. I was able to connect and talk with them outside of that, comment on them and like to give them props and cheer them on their journey as well. So it was really cool to have to create a community that was so supportive, even though we were like in different countries and everything. So it was pretty sweet. I think that was one of the highlights of the challenge plus like seeing my own growth over the course of just 21 days, and how impactful just the simple act of going to bed early. It was super impactful and like all aspects of my life.

BIGGEST IMPACT

[15:13] Valerie: You may have heard me say this in previous episodes: magic happens when we are in action. And the 21 day challenge really gives us an opportunity to get into action through the support of our intention, our feeling, as well as the support of the community, myself here to cheer you on and help you through those obstacles and stuck spots. You are really supported in taking action on your habits and on your goals. Now, everyone does this a little differently because every habit is a little different. But the one thing that seems to really come up is this level of impact. It shows up for anyone who decides to take action, who decides to commit to that feeling word and commit to their habit and the impact Without giving too much away – you know, you know how I get when I get excited! The impact becomes so much greater than just the habit, so much greater than ourselves, and it starts to ripple into other areas of our lives. So let's hear from the members of the challenge, what some of their greatest impacts were during those 21 days.

Kayla-Jane: I think one of my favorite parts about the 21 Day Challenge was taking simple changes that I knew I needed to make and holding myself accountable.

And also allowing that like flow and compassion for days. If I wasn't feeling up for it like it's okay. Like it doesn't mean that I'm never going to be able to have a routine again. But I think for me it's also been a really welcoming after the 21 day challenge that I still have these routines and I'm allowing myself so much flow during the day, but also being grounded in the areas of my life where I need structure because as much as I would just love to live in law land in my head in the clouds. It's not how things work.

And the 21 Day Challenge helped me create support a system that allowed me to be my best self.

Mia: I had a couple of big breakthrough moments. And they oftentimes just came through connecting with other people on this challenge. And realizing it's okay to say it's okay to not be where you [want to be]. But to know that you're not giving up and you're trying to move forward that that's what really matters. and I think it made my gratitude practice a lot stronger.

Knowing you have this awesome community to support me knowing that you Val were there to support me. It was it was just really great And now, because I practice gratitude, helped a lot of other areas in my life become more focused. I wanted to incorporate a writing practice and now I have. I wanted to take steps in the right direction. Job wise to help me be more focused on, and now I have.

Elise: for me the biggest impact on my life that I experienced during the challenge was being gentle with myself. There were days where I only met half of my goal, or I didn't even reach it at all and in the past I would be really hard on myself. Oh my god, you're such a failure like you didn't do the thing you said you were going to do. And with this I just give myself grace, and it was okay because I tried my best and tomorrow's another day.

Keira: So following my favorite part, It was also the part that had the biggest impact. as I said, people would comment on some of the things that I was doing. I went to concerts I played card games on a Wednesday night. I did yoga practices by candle light, and the responses that I got from people that watched them, it was, it was nice, as though I had inspired, so I like that part.

Candice: The biggest impact… The one thing I would say is the feeling word actually having just a word or mantra or phrase or something to come back to is so helpful. especially on nights when I'm back still working and it's like okay, it's time to go to bed otherwise I'm gonna miss my goal or my habit.

I could rethink to like, Okay, well, my feeling word is centered, like, how am I going to feel centered if I'm not doing the things or if I like skip it tonight or whatever, and it would just bring me back to like, okay, this is something so simple, but it helped remind me of my goals and kept me motivated I guess for lack of a better term.

SURPRISE! UNEXPECTED GROWTH FROM THE 21 DAYS!

[20:28] Valerie: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Habits are life changing! And when we create the right ones, they can really help us master our lives. They can really be supportive of our lives. And I think what is so incredible about working with people to build their habits is the fact that I'm totally geeking out about it and they get really fired up about this. One of the other really amazing things in this transformation is to see some of the surprises that come up. Like I said, I give everyone the opportunity to choose their own feeling word to choose their own habits that they want to work on. And what really is incredible are the surprises that come out throughout these 21 days and maybe even after the 21 days. Little things that you didn't think were going to happen. Now, I would like to say that a lot of the time I can predict some of the things or some of the surprises that come up because I've worked with so many people to cultivate habits. I can see how other areas of your life will start to bloom and blossom and grow and transform as you're working on something else that's very specific to you. but it might not be specific to the other transformations. If I'm losing you Don't worry. you're going to hear a little bit about what I mean when you hear some of the surprises that came from those 21 days of working on one small seemingly insignificant habit, every single day. Let's hear from the challenge members.

Kayla-Jane: I think my biggest surprise of the 21 Day Challenge is what's happened after. Because once I got past the third day of working on these habits and also being sick for a week, It invited me to give myself the compassion for not doing it, but to also understand why I'm doing it. And having that self care before I jump into my day, or use my energy on social media has honestly been life changing and all the habits that I started during the challenge, or things that I'm still doing to this day. What are we, like, two months later?

Mia: Normally when I sign up, I get instantly excited and then instantly overwhelmed. Think I have to keep up with this challenge, how am I gonna do it, AHHH! This was not that.

I think it was fake because Val gave like daily reminders and connected us with the community. But I was surprised that even when I wasn't intentionally planning on practicing my feeling where it's practicing gratitude, it would come out the more I did it. So when I started off, I tried to take walks and just say what I was grateful for. After that. I was taking less walks, but my brain was still thinking, Oh, I'm so grateful for this I'm grateful for that.

So I didn't realize how consistent I would become just from starting with a stronger foundation.

Elise: What surprised me most about the challenge was how it incorporated other habits into my life. So you know, it was the drinking of the water and 20 minutes of movement. But then I was feeling really good about that.

And I started flossing my teeth every day. And I know that sounds kind of weird but I maybe had just gotten back from the dentist or it was gonna go to the dentist soon. And I don't even know but flossing – and it's been great.

Keira: One of the things for the challenge this time around was… I don't know, I guess it was more so it was something that was within me. And the grace that I gave to myself. I mean a different place than I was for the first 21 Day Challenge. And this time instead of giving up when I deemed myself not being where I had imagined I would be. I gave myself some grace. So one of my intentions was to practice yoga more consistently. And I struggled with that at the beginning of the challenge but I turned it around at the end with the support of Valerie and I was very proud of where I ended off. I'm excited to say that I have continued with my yoga practice, and now my little girl does it with me too so it's that that would surprise me the most.

Candice: What surprised me most about this challenge? I think the biggest surprise was just how impactful changing is so just simple, like just going to bed early.

I'm surprised at how much of my life impacted because it really trickled into every aspect of my life. I was able to like it as I had so much more energy during the day that I was actually able to be productive at work but I also liked prioritizing my own rest.

And it inspired me to like to take time to just be and not be working all the time. So it really did like center and balance, more aspects of my life than I really expected. I was also able to be like more present in the moment with friends and family Yeah, it impacted a lot more of my life than I anticipated.

[26:16] Valerie: Listening to this feedback and these experiences I find so inspiring. And I hope it's also lighting a little fire under your own bum so that you can make a simple change in your life to create bigger impact. And if this is something that you feel really called to work toward or to start, I would love to invite you personally to the 21 day healthy habit challenge as I mentioned, we will be starting in September of 2022. However, if you're listening to this podcast episode, after we start, there will be more challenges in the future. And all the information for those upcoming challenges can be found on the show notes page to this episode, which you can find at Valerie life.com forward slash one, nine for the other thing I love about the challenges I do spaced them out throughout the year. So the very first one happened in the winter. This next one was in the spring. and some of the women you've actually heard from today have done both the winter and the spring challenges. and I can tell you right now that their experiences are very different from my perspective, however I wanted to hear from them. I wanted to know what they did differently this time around.

Elise: 

​​I'm not sure that I did anything that was like super wild to help the second round be more successful.

However, I did give myself more grace. and even on the days where I didn't do or didn't complete the goals for that day. I would try to pick one other thing. something that was different from my goals, but still gave me those feeling word vibes and counted that as a win. And that was huge for me.

Keira: With this being a second time around, I made a conscious effort to just commit to one challenge. The first time around, I was feeling lost and I joined this challenge. I joined a meditation challenge. I joined another challenge and I think I was overwhelmed with trying to put bandaids on my life.

It wasn't as successful the first time around so this time I really took it as an opportunity to stick with one challenge.

Choose something that I knew would be impactful in my life. Presently I was successful. Wasn't 100% Perfect, but progress was made and I am pleased with where I am at now.

Candice: So I've done Val’s 21 Day Challenge twice now and both times that are relatively similar like my goal and the first time I didn't do so hot. I think I was still in too frazzled of a state that I just didn't prioritize the challenge as much as I could have. The second time I I shared it with other people like I shared it with my family and my partner so that I could just have a little bit more accountability was the first time I was just kind of going on my own.

And so it was a little bit tougher because I didn't feel like I had the support I needed and I couldn't really talk to very many people about it.

And that was like my own doing I just didn't feel like sharing. My habit was like a valid thing to do with family and friends at that time. I was just a little bit too in my head. And the second time around, I shared it and it was helpful because they were like really supportive. The second time around it was really helpful to share it with others because then if it was getting late, my partner be like a you're gonna miss your habit if you don't go to bed soon. Or like if I was like too late, or if I knew that I had like a deadline coming up. I could talk to my partner and be like, Oh, I'm gonna miss my dad. Like, I have to choose. I'm gonna miss my deadline, or am I gonna miss this habit? What should I do? And so it's just nice to like have somebody else to talk to about it. Rather than feeling a bit like an island and like, like, because I didn't validate my feelings. In the first round. I felt like my habit wasn't valid. so I didn't take it seriously. whereas this second time, I was like, this is what I'm doing and I am valid and this is valid. and so I feel like it held more importance to me.

That was deeper than I expected to come out!

[31:11] Valerie: The first step to committing to yourself… The first action to take to truly loving and valuing yourself is making the decision that you are worth elevating your energy. You are worth healthy, happy, vibrant habits you are worth the time the effort and the energy it takes to create the best version of you.

that best version of you already exists. and by creating these automated healthy habits, It really peels away the layers of the things that aren't working, of that frazzled feeling, and it helps us focus on who we truly are and who we really want to be and showing up as that best version of us.

And that's what healthy habits do. That's why they are so powerful and impactful. and why they surprise us is because when we actually do that, What we're actually doing is we're giving ourselves permission to be that best version of us, we're giving ourselves permission to live fully and wholly and I want to support you in that journey and in that transformation.

And one of the best places that you can start is through the 21 Day Challenge. I'll leave the link for you in the show notes page. you can find it at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash 194. I was so excited for you to join us and I can't wait to support user your transformation but also to hear about your experience with the 21 days.

If you have any questions at all about the challenge, feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. You can find me @vallavignelife and I would be happy to answer any and all of your questions. And until the challenge you'll want to think about one of your feeling words or some of the habits that you'd love to start so get brainstorming sign up for that challenge, and I will talk to you very soon.

Take care for now!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions
 
 

E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jessica Stephens

Jessica Stephens is a corporate marketer turned social marketer, online entrepreneur and podcast host. She's passionate about supporting people in transforming their daily actions to be on purpose and love their life! Career, business, relationships, health, love all of it! She is a master networker and connector helping pair people with others and opportunities.

Her love for travel landed her a Pilot husband which fueled her desire to ditch the cubicle life for a carry-on bag, laptop and good wifi! When she's home you can find her in the kitchen churning up a batch of homemade gourmet ice cream and being the best plant mom she can be!


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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you to our very special guest today, Jessica students Jessica Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. 

Jessica Stevens: Well, thanks for having me Val. I'm excited to be a guest on the show. It's nice to sit on the other side of the microphone. 

VL: Oh my gosh, right. It's exciting. You don't get to or you don't have to do all the editing and all the backend stuff too, right? 

JS: You just get to show up and you talk and then you're gone. It's lovely.

VL: Now the two of us can talk for a while so I'll try to keep us on topic. But I'm really excited to have you here because you and I are both really big passionate advocates for healthy habits and a lot of where this comes from our own experiences and our story. So I'd love it. If you could tell us a little bit about yourself how you got into doing what you do. 

JS: Sounds good. So hi everyone, and thanks for having me on the show. A little bit about me. I am a Former marketer, corporate marketer. That was my education. I went to university for communications in the advertising industry and spent 15 year over there before going out and becoming a health and wellness entrepreneur.

That is where I learned how valuable habits and healthy habits were when I started my business and how good I wasn't actually. I had formed a lot of good discipline. Around habits from a younger age because I was a dancer. I was on sports teams. And I never really realized how useful they were in my life. became an entrepreneur. Obviously I use them throughout my career but they weren't as evident as they were when I started my business and started really putting discipline and healthy habits into daily practice.

So now I'm crazy about the habit habit hacker. I love having a healthy one. I try to implement as many of them into my life as possible, because it really just takes a lot of the stress off of your brain when it's put into autopilot and that I learned from my husband to actually really highlight this relationship.

We started our relationship. my life and my time and what I was doing with my time because spending time with him was something that I really that was really important. Finding those moments to streamline my day so that I had more time for us to be together physically with traveling and going out on Skype, if everybody remembers what that platform was way back in the day. Like daily habits really start coming into play. 

[04:43] VL: So cool! And they think it's something I want to highlight that you always had these habits but they weren't intentional. And I think this is really the key to cultivating habits and reaching goals is making sure that your habits are intentional because whether you realize it or not we all have habits and they're going to make us grow or they're going to lead us down maybe the unhealthy route or maybe they keep us stagnant. Right. So I'm so glad that you started to implement some of these different habits in your life. And I'm sure we're gonna take details of those. But something that I really love about your story is this transformation you talked about and I know you're wearing your necklace right now that people can't see but it's this beautiful silver dragonfly. So tell us a little bit about why this dragonfly symbol or this yeah, this dragonfly symbol is so important to you.

JS: Yes, I dragonflies are, I guess for lack of a better term my spirit animal and they always have been so I've been always connected to dragonflies for the longest time, right, like I would just see them flying. I would just identify with them. You know most people really gravitated towards butterflies as a symbol for transformation. But for me, it's the dragonfly. So, here's a little thing that maybe you don't know. So when most people think of transformation, a butterfly is probably the creature that comes to mind because of that transformation from Caterpillar to butterfly. It's pretty epic, right? You got you started as a cup of caterpillar. You go away and you Hakuna away from the world. Do all of this really massive change in the privacy of your town, and then you reemerge to the world as this beautiful butterfly. That's the process of dragonfly dragonflies. It is completely different. So dragonflies actually started out of water and they swam. And they have something that we call partial metamorphosis meaning they change a little bit each day, but not so much that they can no longer survive in their environments, aka the water. So they're still swimming but they're changing in these micro ways every single day. And they change and change until they get to the point where they can fling themselves out of the water, land on the shore, crack open their wings and fly as a dragonfly. For me that is much more attuned to what the humans are actually able to do. Because not many of us have the opportunity to pick up our lives and go to Bali and sit on a mountain and Eat Pray Love and do yoga and figure out all of our shit and then come back transformed and healed and all things like that's not real life. Most of us, most of us.

Most of us still have to go to work and still have to live in our stressful scenarios. Maybe we're at a job we don't love where maybe we're with a partner that we're not getting along with. Maybe we have all these financial stresses and career stresses like life is happening.

But how do you transform and change yourself while you're still swimming through the muck of your life? Like that pond like that dragonfly that knows. So for me, humans are much closer to what that dragonfly transformation is. And that is when true transformation can happen when you're actually able to do it in your same environment without ourselves and then that means those transformation and those habits and those new skills that you put it in tool that you've put into place for yourself, really stick and are helpful to you in the heart moments, not in the beautiful, peaceful, tranquil mountains of Bali. When someone is serving you higher. And you know, meditating and your cell phones not throwing off like anybody be peaceful, mindful and have a great time in that environment, but can you be your best self when all the stresses are coming so that's the difference between the dragon the butterfly transformation and the dragonfly transformation and why I love to teach the dragon fly methodology to people to really survive in life.

[09:35] VL: That is so cool. I had no idea about that. I had no idea. I knew dragonflies are off in the water but I didn't really understand the full transformation. So thank you so much for sharing that and honestly it is very relatable and you're right not all of us have that opportunity to go to Bali and eat all the tropical fruits and then come back and they're like yes, so you feel amazing. things are great. 

JS: Not that there's anything wrong with that, like I believe you should remove yourself, go to a new environment, get centered on all the things, but you also need to know that you can actually put those tools into practice in stress.

VL: I'm so glad you said that because part of my journey was I did the butterfly thing. I went to Guatemala and backpack Central America for seven months all by myself. And then they came back and I was like all right, I kind of have an idea of what this is. And guess what? You don't have to go to Guatemala to do it. You actually just have to change little things every single day. But he never knew about dragonflies. So this is really cool. So tell us how this works for humans. Give us some examples from those habits, those intentional habits and how you started cultivating this transformation for yourself in your life. 

JS: Yeah, so might you Val, I'm sure all of your most important habits take place in the morning. So I started with my morning routine. And really being intentional about the time in the morning. How I woke up, what I did, who I saw because when I was a stressed out workaholic, I think the alarm would go off or even sometimes before the alarm went off, my arm was extended. My hand went to the device and the BlackBerry was in my face. All within seconds of my brain turning on and all the messages and all the emails and all other people's fires and what was important to them. It was now training. My wife was setting the tone for my day. and everything about that day was about reacting and responding. To whatever was in that inbox.

So for me, it was taking control of the morning. That was the most transformational. So waking up, getting out of bed, getting water in my body.

You know, getting any ideas that I had that I had created in my mind through my dream cycles out and on paper and texture, so that if my day went sideways, it was recorded. Somewhere that I could go back to your site.

And you know you broke it down. So that's where our journaling started. That's where my morning practice started. That's where I started my day in a way that allowed me to not react to what was going to be coming next but how to show up in a way that spawns react. And also create because remember I was in our creative field I was in advertising and you know your worst is really your creativity and your ideas and what you can make from your mind and so securing that start by having a huge priority as I was leaving my career, but also as I was entering into this new space, but then it translated into another area of life. Okay, well now we're gonna look at how I feel about my body in the morning like what am I consuming? And I was not a breakfast person, not somebody in the morning because I was a coffee consumer right and so then that happened a certain change and I did a cleanse and I stopped drinking yet consuming a whole bunch of coffee beans.

And at the end of the class stay off the coffee not canceling because the coffee before birth. Because I used to drink my coffee with sugar. And I'm like I just don't want that extra sugar. So I stopped, so I actually haven't had a cup of coffee and probably 18 years now. But I have more energy. And then when I was ordering coffee and so then those habits are translating into one one energy sources and by putting in my body to help fuel me in the best way so I have the best results for the rest of my day. And last year because I knew that once I went into an office or when I started my day, you know, who knows the next meal that I always get again, right? Like how many of us skipped lunch and worked through it? Or you know, nibbles on a little thing and then three hours later, you're like, oh, it's still there and I never finished that sandwich or salad or whatever. So I started making sure that my morning and my breakfast were top notch because I had no true idea that I was going to get another next meal that day that was going to be anywhere close to my nutrition.

So that's where it really started. for me was just holding my money That time and what I put into my brain what I put into my body, and that actually helps me survive the rest of my crazy day so that I wasn't falling down And like grabbing, whatever, I can just shove into phase or just falling asleep from exhaustion and starting all over again.

[15:48] VL: yeah mornings can be so important because they will really set the tone for the day, not just sustaining yourself throughout the day but creating the intentional day from this totally healthy routine that you have. So I mean, listening to this, it sounds so simple. So wonderful. And the transformation just happened. Yeah, so obviously, you and I both know this, but perhaps we could talk a little bit more about it. Like when we want to create this incredible morning routine and we want to swap our coffee for something a little bit. more fuel efficient, if you will, and energizing. how do we get to this incredible morning routine that takes a little bit longer than if we just changed one thing for example. How do we make this epic morning routine?

JS: So for me, it wasn't trying to do an epic morning routine. I want to build because that's daunting. and that is.

So for me, I am all about the transition. Right? I am all about starting somewhere with any goal knowing what my goal is, but what are all the different stages that it's going to take to get there. if it takes me 20 steps.

That's my ultimate goal. That's okay. Because I would rather take 20 Small steps than five big leaps and stumbling up.

We're just going to make sure that you don't work the phones. Like get into the shower and wash your hair. Before you look at your phone. 

VL: And I think what's cool too is when you start to add in more than a diamond certainly can. Like you get this immediate confirmation or response and feeling of how good that feels because I've got that to where I'm like I just wake up at times are exposed by email or Instagram or Tiktok or whatever it is just consumed. But it was like okay, I'm gonna brush my teeth. I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm not gonna open my phone. Now I have to do all of these things before and it's almost like it's almost like in the beginning I was doing them faster so that I can get to those emails.

JS: But it’s just like crack, right?

VL: Yeah, it’s addictive. ANd we can use these devices to help us cultivate these habits.

JS: So yeah, step one is don't try and do them all at the same time. integrate them slowly. So map them out to be workable, which one is the most important to me? That if I change this one thing, and this is the only thing that I ever know that it can change, it'll have a drastic impact. On my day. Do that one first.

Give, do the one that's going to give you the biggest bang for your buck. Because you're gonna get that reward. You're gonna get that hit of dopamine, you're gonna get that serotonin levels are gonna start climbing and you're gonna start feeling better. And so when you're feeling better you're gonna be like a champ. I got this. I can do another one. And then you added another one.

Maybe not in the same category. So maybe yeah, step one was the phone. And then step two, is literally like Okay, drink the water.

Right just just drink the water and take your vitamins and you know, whatever other things that you swallow in the morning and use a habit that you already have to do it right. So if you're already doing one thing and you've got a good habit going about stacks and you want to do that one. So my example was more of a bedtime because what I do at night like most people brush their teeth when most right.

So yeah, like that was actually kind of the bread of flossing.

And so what I had to do was I had to floss and brush my teeth so that I can pick up the habit that I wanted onto the hammock and it was already good but anyhow I accidentally brushed my teeth first. My autopilot, brush teeth, spin my face, walk out the bathroom. No memory of flossing, right? So it's like floss first because at the end of the habit that you're already used to doing it. You already have a routine that you're already going to you're already starting before you even walk out of the bathroom.

So if you're going to habit stack, always put the newer habit you're trying to cultivate for the one that's already

VL: I love that. It's so it's just a little swap to do when you're starting to stack those habits. But it's really great because it's like you know what you're already doing and you can set yourself up for success by kind of like if you have a shower every morning, you want to start taking vitamins, put your vitamins in the bathroom where you shower, if that's possible, right. And then take your vitamins as you're getting ready to go to the shower. It's so simple.

JS: Yeah, so yeah, just setting your environment up to write like eliminating things out of sight. I really think out of sight out of mind like why can't see it and there's a good chance I'm not doing it. So that can work for you and I can work against you. So the things that you keep putting them in your past. Got to trip over them and then be like, Oh yeah, and if you don't want to do something more than she would have to say if you don't see it, it's not there. It's like any big cookie jar.

VL: Totally.  I love that. Let's think of a couple examples that would make Baker goals that we could break down into tiny habits. So I'll put you on the spot here. Can we do a health goal,  business goal, and a third goal, surprise me. 

JS: Okay, so healthy. You want to start eating cleaner. and that can be daunting for people because they are associated with the diet. Right? This isn't a diet just adding some help to your day.

So it's just starting to swap, swap some things so let's use that breakfast that morning. Like autopilot is like coffee, the warm beverage of choice for you in the morning. Maybe that's just because you're just so used to the smell of it when the routine of it or whatnot. Well, let's swap that out. Give yourself water or tea. You're still getting that beverage experience for your body.

What you're consuming is dramatically cleaner for your body than the coffee. 

So that’s something that adds to being healthier in a day. but instead of smothering that bagel bagel with cream cheese maybe decide to slather on that bagel. Say that you're getting so good with these proteins that it is going to ask you for a lot longer and that vary based products that may not realize might have some no effects on your body consumed couldn't be lactose intolerant. or you could have a dairy allergy that's not so severe that's Have you run break out in hives or anything like that. but maybe that dairy and Dale are dairy intolerant. so minor. That is just making you, you know, a little bit congested. It's operating properly.

Like I don't know if anybody out there suffers from allergies, and your eyes are watering whatever it is you just feel like no one's performing their best way to structure your destiny. 

So, it's trading in one thing for somebody else that could have a better positive impact on how your bond.

[25:20] VL: Yeah, that's fine too because it's much easier to replace an existing habit than it is to just add in or just eliminate it altogether. So yeah, it's awesome. 

JS: Or maybe it's Hey, you're used to drinking juice in the morning. So you have that, you know, sweet liquid going into your body. Okay, well, let's add a scoop to that juice. So you're now getting a full serving of vegetables. With that juice, it's not just the juice.

VL: yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Right. It's like, think of what you're already doing. What can you add? Or what can you swap with? and we're like, yeah, and make it like a small change to right. back to what you said about the tiny changes. Okay, so let's do one more for our 

JS: Okay, so let's do one more for our business. You have a goal you want to achieve a certain number of enrollments by the end of the month, right, whether that be new customers or repeat orders, oryou know what, how, what what number is it? That is a goal for you so set the goal set the GPS, because you we don't know where we're, we can't do anything without GPS. We don't. We can't map it out until we know where we're going. So you got to set a goal. Even if the goal scares the bejesus out you're like, makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit being like, there's you have, you've never had this number before ever in your business, like having a $10,000 or $100,000 month or whatever that number is for you as a business owner, or enrolling 20 new clients, or like whatever the number is, I want you to think of a number that would literally have you jumping up and down with sheer giddiness that you would do a happy dance for If you hit and then I want you to double it.

VL: Those are big hairy scary goals!

JS: Those are big, hairy, scary goals. Because the big mystery is the one that you have to put on the post on the mirror that you stare at you like, oh gosh, because here's the thing, like the goal that you set for yourself that is obtainable.

You;ll be like, well that’s possible. I can do that. But it may not force you to do things that you've never done before. Because maybe you've actually gotten close to that goal before or maybe it was. You actually did it once but it was only once and it was like a long time ago and you're like, like the star is just allowing it to happen. Your brain.

You know how to do it. So you're not going to actually make any changes to your daily interactions to do it. You have to double down, you gotta make the goal that much bigger to force your body to do things it's never done before you're like okay, well if I need to, if I need 50 new clients to my club.

Well, that means I need to have 10 times more conversation like if you want 50 Well, that means you need to talk to 100 people and tell them about it to get 50 The sign out and if you need to actually talk to 100 people to tell them about the program.

250 people are you hearing and in order to ask 250 people to hear about the program. Well then you actually need to reach out to 500 people for half of them to even acknowledge you and respond to you to say yes, half of them do actually hear it. Okay, and half of them to actually decide, yeah, I want that and then sign up.

So you have to like it, keep doubling. It's kind of the numbers.

But for you to be like alright, I'm gonna involve six new people to my gym this month.

I'm gonna, and I'm just going to talk to the same amount of people that I did last month when I signed up five. That's not going to work right?

VL: yeah, I like that. And I think knowing your numbers is going to be really helpful in creating those tiny habits that you're going to be doing every day and it's really about taking action. And kind of like getting you in that excited like, Ooh, this is a little bit scary. You know, I'm feeling a little rumbling in my tummy but you know this is, this is good, right? 

And then it's exciting. And then you start to see that growth over time. And I think that's what's really something we haven't talked about yet is like not only stacking habits, not only enhancing those small things and taking the small actions but tracking the progress along the way and looking back like gold this month to sign up with 50 people and by the end of the month. I reached it. I reached 35. Let's say we like we're close we did more than the month before but we didn't hit our big hairy scary goal. 

Okay, what can we do? What can we do differently, what worked what didn't and then using that information and using that data to move forward with the next hairy, scary goal or try to be the previous thing, right and yes, and then being able to see your progress and see how you've been able to evolve and transform and become this healthier version of yourself. Like not only are you feeling those small changes day to day, but you can start to see them over time too. And I think that's really impactful, especially when things get tough. And you need that consistency. The only thing that I the thing that people need to remember is it's not about that first month's goal whether you can it or not. 

JS: It's about the activity that you did to start getting you there and that you keep doing even when you don't hit the goal the first month, because now you're in momentum. And momentum means that you're now in this rhythm and this groove the habits are now it's now getting easier for you to talk to those 10 people every single day.

Or ask those 10 people every day or reach out whatever that action is for you.

Pass the day 30 So that because we all know that it takes about 28 days to create a habit. Right so if you start doing this for you know those first 2830 days, your results are not what you wanted them to be. Don't stop because the real results of those first 30 days is actually going to show up the days

that you've planted don't all sprouts, Bloom or grow at the same rate at the same time.

​​And so that's that's what people will see people getting hung up is I only did it for 30 days and even when it started getting easier near the end, and they got into the groove at the stock because they're like, Oh, I said I was gonna do it for 30 This was the goal at the end of the month. No, keep going.

Because now you're in the groove. Now you're in momentum and that's what is actually going to pay you forward 10 times more than the first step. Right. It's going to take even less time for people to convert it to take less time for people to get back to you. Now because you've practiced so much you've gotten the marbles out of your mouth. You find two new messages. You realize what wasn't working in those first few reach as you did. You've now gotten it tightened. Seisen you're now seeing which ones actually people, you know, responded to.

This way. This is like a little bit of A/B testing in that first 30 days too. So that's the other key thing is once you got that the habit of doing the action going, don't stop.

[33:40] VL: Amazing. It's so true. And I think a lot of that time like you said that in that 30 days. It's a lot of a testing period. And it's a lot of overcoming some some obstacles, but you'll also start to notice that yes, it becomes easier to have it but we might not be doing it every single day right at the beginning right so we don't have that momentum yet. We don't have that. That action every single day yet.

So important. Well this has been incredible. And I feel like there are so many takeaways that people can start with today to really start that momentum and start that and create that transformation for themselves.

We do have one more section of the show. But before I get to that, I wanted to ask you is there something that hasn't been said? Today that you really want to leave people with?

JS: Healthy habits are your best friend. Healthy Habits is the thing that you can turn to in crisis that will support you through whatever it is you're going through. Healthy habits will encourage you to keep going.

Healthy Habits are truly the thing that will be by your side for the rest of your life. No matter who comes to you and your habits are the only thing that you'll have forever

VL: I'm going to make that little quote so that everyone can have that in their paper on their phone in their computer. Everywhere. I love it. So my dear Jessica, where can we find you? Where can you how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM @jess.loves.life

TIKTOK @jess.loves.life

WEBSITE http://jessicastephens.ca

VL: We have a rapid fire round to finish things off. There are four questions I will ask you, are you ready?

  1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

JS: The Calling: 3 Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good

  1. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

JS: Empowerment. Courage because you don’t need confidence to do things. Have the courage, have a single tool to tackle and empower themselves and empower others.

  1. What is your longest standing habit?

JS: My longest standing habits… Okay, so I still have 42 have my baby born from when I was really interesting. And I sleep with her, as a married woman, she's I go everywhere with her I travel with her. So she is she is my longest relationship.

And part of my nighttime routine is grabbing pinkie and snuggling and thinking about my day.

And kind of having like a little conversation with her truly, of like talking about what I did that day and whatever. Like she was like my confidant. So she is like my longest standing relationship.

My longest standing habit of snuggling into bed with Pinky.

VL: follow up question with for that. Is there a drag fly on it?

JS: no she’s just pink.  I did give her a facelift. So you know how they like it's come with like the border. So she had started to kind of like, you know, fray out. And so I think it was when I was like 20 Something she got new ribbon around the edge.

She got another update again. So yeah, she's gotten a couple of facelifts. But she's so beautifully attacked in one piece. 42 years later. 

  1. What are you currently working toward?

JS: I am working towards a lot of things. I am one of those people who can't just do one thing.

So I got a lot of things on the go. One thing that I'm working towards is growing my podcast and show that just, you know, the best space for people to come and share their stories and growing that community of listeners. So that's one thing I'm working on. Another thing I'm working on my business, helping a lot of people get control of their health with healthy habit programs that I got going on to show them how easy it is to incorporate some good healthy habits in so that's something else I'm working on. And third is I'm working on some fun homes, on red o's and home projects, outdoor gardens, filling my space with beautiful plants. So I'm a new plant mama and I'm working on growing my like my plant collection.

VL: Thank you so much for spending time with us today. Thank you so much for sharing all of this incredible wealth of knowledge you have. I am so excited to to share this episode with the audience. And like I said, I'll make sure that everyone gets the links to everything that you're doing and everything that you're up to at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash Jessica. Thanks again. Jessica. And I hope we continue these conversations more, maybe on the podcast, maybe online, maybe both places. But I do have to say thank you so much for everything that you do for how you show up for how you share this incredible story of transformation and the dragonfly I think it's really empowering and really inspiring and I'm so glad that we've been connected. Thank you.

JS: So fun, I love Thanks for having me in your space with your people. It's always just a huge thing to be trusted with an audience and Share. share the little knowledge that I have with the world. And I, I'm sure there'll be other collaborations between you and I have a feeling that will be partnering on some really cool habit stuff in the future!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Three of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Three of The Science & The Spiritual Series

Using self-directed neuroplasticity as well as different crystals and essential oils to creating habits to make our brain work smarter!


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[00:29] Hello there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m really excited about this episode as we continue on with The Science and the Spiritual Series. This is part three: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them.

If you’re new to the show, or to the series, we are working through the seven dimensions of health and wellness: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Social, Spiritual, Environmental, and Occupational. Each episode in the series is dedicated to one of the seven dimensions. 

Episode 189: Physical Habits 

Episode 190: Emotional Habits

Episode 192: Intellectual Habits

Episode 195: Social Habits

I’ve created a loose structure for each episode to help with the flow, as well as three habit examples of each dimension for each episode. The flexible flow – because sometimes things change – is as follows: 

Introduce the series

Describe the dimension and relevance/importance

Discuss the scientific method or formula as well as the spiritual, for creating the three habit examples

Closing the episode

Part three of the series is all about intellectual wellness. Intellectual wellness is often overlooked, and yet it is so incredibly important! This entails: stimulating or creative mental activities. It has everything to do with our minds and continuing to inspire/exercise our minds. Having a high level of intellectual wellness does not mean that you are the smartest person in the room, but rather it is about having an active mind, even an open mind, and the ability to learn. Intellectual wellness is about being resourceful, and having the ability to expand our knowledge base and improve or develop new skills. 

To be honest I LOVE this dimension of wellness because I get excited about learning and I know that’s not how everyone feels, so let’s take a look at three habits we can realistically incorporate to help us improve this area of wellness.

Habit number one: Take a course or workshop

Habit number two: Learn (or improve) a foreign language 

Habit number three: Read

I want to preface this episode by saying that: just by listening to this episode you are already supporting the growth in this area of wellness, and if you’re a regular listener, you’re already developing the habit of improving your intellectual wellness, because this podcast is about YOU. It's about empowerment, personal development, and all things health/wellness. We discuss all sorts of topics with research and ideas and concepts sprinkled throughout. My intention behind each episode is to inspire you to take action, and it’s within the episode that you learn, grow, and expand your thinking so that you can take new or intentional action for that self growth and self development to occur in your life.

So even if you aren’t signing up for courses, learning a new language, or reading currently, what you ARE doing is still supportive. These are just extra ideas for you, and you can apply the science and the spiritual methods to any intellectual habits you have right now.

[04:05] The Science

And without further ado, let’s dive into a little something called “self-directed neuroplasticity.” or SDN for short. 

An article discussing the research of individuals practicing lived experience of SDN describes it as: the mind’s ability to change the brain function through the power of thought and can alter brain structure in potentially beneficial ways, overcoming habituated and maladaptive responses. [source

In fewer words that means intentionally rewiring the brain to create positive habits. SDN is a powerful and science-based method to not only make new habits, but break bad ones.

Essentially neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form, modify, change and reorganize synaptic connections, throughout life and in response to experience. This can be the functional plasticity in the brain as well as the structural plasticity where the brain can physically change its structure as a result of learning. Yes, you heard me correctly. Your brain can and does physically change with each new learning experience. So if you’ve ever listened to an episode of this show and learned something new - your brain has most likely modified because of it!

Anyone who says “I’m too old to learn something new” is casting a hex on themselves because this is one of the biggest mindset blocks I’ve ever known. Yes our brains change with age, but we can also change our brains due to the fact that they are malleable! Since our brains are easily influenced, trained, or controlled (plasticity), we can use our nerve cells as the building blocks to our brain (neurons) to improve our intellectual wellness. This helps us do things like: [source]

  • Learn new things

  • Enhance our existing cognitive skills

  • Recover from traumatic brain injuries and strokes

  • Strengthen areas where function is lost or has declined

  • Improvements in brain “fitness” such as memory, reading, etc. 

The ongoing process of neuroplasticity means our brain cells, and other neurons will be changing throughout our lives because we are always responding to different learnings and life experiences. 

When we do not set goals, or create habits for our intellectual wellness, we participate in something called experience-dependent neuroplasticity. Which is the “passive process of reinforcing habits by doing them unconsciously over and over again, whether they’re good or bad.” [source

The key to improving this area of wellness is through, formerly mentioned, self-directed neuroplasticity. SDN is the active process of consciously reflecting on our habits and how they make us feel.

Already existing habits are automated, and therefore mostly unconsciously done. Think of how you brush your teeth. You pick up the toothbrush the same, you put on the toothpaste the same; there is minimal effort and thinking to how you do these daily habits.

One of the reasons why I am so enthusiastic about habits is because they become automated. When we’re automating healthy, positive, helpful habits we have a higher quality of life and are generally happier humans.

However a habit is not formed instantly, it requires some effort in the beginning. They start with an action, followed by a hit of a reward chemical in the body called dopamine. I have a habit of cracking my knuckles. Sometimes I crack them without realizing it, and also without recognition my body feels that relief, that reward following this particular habit. 

Our sensory nervous system is designed to monitor our body and it’s looking for that connection between action and satisfaction. Once it comes across this connection, it stores it in an area of our brain called the basal ganglia. This is also where we develop our memories and emotions, but it is not where we make conscious decisions. Hence why it can be so difficult to break habits, since they are mostly done unconsciously. 

[08:40] The Habit Loop

To practice SDN we create habits through reflecting on the habit loop:

Cue: this is the trigger to your habit.

Craving: the urge or desire to motivate you

Response: engaging in the action, thought, or behaviour

Reward: the satisfying outcome you were craving

Let’s create specific habit loops for each of our examples:

Take a Course or Workshop

Cue: You were scrolling instagram when you saw a friend talking about their Human Design Profile. Your friend’s excitement and experience becomes a trigger for you to learn more.

Craving: After reading a few blog posts on Human Design, and downloading your own unique profile, you crave more information and want to go deeper into the subject. One of the blog posts you’ve been reading offers an eight week workshop promising to guide you through the fundamentals of Human Design and interpreting your profile.

Response: You sign up for the course and attend each week. Throughout the course you keep an open mind, you’re fully engaged and present, and even begin to connect with the other students outside the course to learn and discuss further.

Reward: Through this experience you feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose because you’re able to understand once unfamiliar concepts, and these concepts explain unique parts of yourself. You wake up excited to connect with new friends and leave those conversations feeling satisfied and inspired.

Learn (or Improve) a Foreign Language 

I am currently on day 739 of learning French with the app Duolingo and I highly recommend this app for learning a language, so I’m going to use this app as an example for this habit.

Cue: Notification on your phone from Duolingo reads “Keep your streak going! Practice 5 minutes of French!”

Craving: Wanting to feel confident and sexy speaking French, possibly while walking through Paris, France eating a croissant one day.

A more immediate craving: The app gives you fire emojis, trophy emojis, and special badges for completing the daily and monthly challenges which has you feeling accomplished and excited with all the bright colours and GIFs.

Response: Open app, complete a few different lessons, practice learning french.

 

Reward: Lots of colourful images, videos, and sounds (think of a casino slot machine) for achieving a lesson, or earning a trophy, or continuing your streak. Little characters are sending you “high fives” and accolades for your progress with stats of your accomplishments. There are also friends of yours on the app you can enter challenges with and send emojis like stars or nudges to cheer them on for their success.


Reading 

Cue: Replacing the phone charger on your night stand with a personal development book.

Craving: Wanting to improve your mindset, your brain, your relationship, or whatever other topic is important to you.

Response: Read a minimum of two pages before bed (this is a little tip here if you’re starting this reading habit, start with just two pages!)

Reward: Feeling accomplished with each turn of the page. Feeling more rested and ready for bed from reading verses scrolling TikTok and its harsh blue light and EMFs.

An excellent book I want to share with you about training your brain is called LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik. The book is all about intellectual wellness and how you can become better at using your brain through various exercises and techniques. 

These three habits require a little more conscious effort than cracking knuckles or biting nails, but through self-directed neuroplasticity, they can become effortless habits in our daily lives. Connect to the feeling; the reward each of these habits gives you and you’ll be improving your intellectual wellness!

[12:50] The Spiritual

In the last couple episodes of the series I share specific “spiritual tools” for each habit. For this episode I will share a few different spiritual tools to support you in this particular area of wellness rather than each specific habit. 

Here are five crystals that can improve mental health [source

Clear Quartz: is known to amplify energy, support concentration, memory and can aid in balancing your energetic system. It can also help with clarity in thoughts and intentions.

Green Tourmaline: is meant to be beneficial for studying and concentration since it stimulates mental activity and can increase creativity.

Green Aventurine: helpful in concentrating on studies as it has been known to help inventors focus on ideas, artists concentrate during work, and athletes and dancers as well.

Red Jasper: Enhances energy and helps feel more calm and stable during difficult situations. Can provide calmness and concentration during stress.

Blue Lace Agate: a gemstone for concentration, increasing creative thinking and improving communication, especially if you’re studying a foregin language. Sounds like I need to get me some blue lace agate for my confident and sexy trip to France. Hahaha 

Here are five essential oils that can help with supporting your intellectual wellness:

Basil: the oil of renewal can bring strength to the heart and relaxation to the mind. It’s excellent for feelings of nervousness, anxiousness, or despair. It helps anyone who is under mental strain by bringing rejuvenation of vital forces after long periods of burnout and exhaustion. It is also helpful in recovery from negative habits.

Blue Tansy: the oil of inspired action supports people in taking action to change or transform circumstances, especially if they are feeling stagnant. It encourages people to live in alignment with the whispering of their inner voice, prompting them to make necessary changes. 

Dill: the oil of learning helps us to learn new things, think rationally, and integrate different thoughts into coherent ideas. It encourages us to embrace the many facets of life by engaging in the learning process and challenges us to become self-motivated learners and to find excitement for discovering new things. 

Green Mandarin: the oil of pure potential. This bright and cheerful aroma reminds us that we have direct access to pure potential and boundless opportunities. It encourages us to experience the joy in the journey and never stop becoming.

Rosemary: the oil of knowledge and transition assists in the development of true knowledge and true intellect. It brings expansion to the mind, supporting individuals in receiving new information and new experiences.

Before we wrap up I do have a few little ritual notes I want to make. When you’re learning something new you often hear of the “learning curve.” this is a literal graphical curve that represents the relationship between how proficient people are at a task and the amount of experience they have [source]

The curve is steeper in the beginner because we are usually a little overwhelmed with all the information about this new skill or topic. It’s important to take small steps, and even some breaks when learning new things. 

Make your new habits simple as you begin them, like my tip about reading for two minutes or only two pages a day. You don’t have to finish the whole book in one sitting! That’s not how habits are formed.

Try taking a course or workshop with a friend and sign up together, share excitement, compare notes, etc.

If you’re learning a new language, try different methods to see what works for you. Maybe you can hire a tutor, or have a bilingual friend/neighbour you can practice with. Duolingo works really well for me for how I want to learn, and in the past immersing myself in language and culture has been exponentially beneficial, and I also understand that we can’t always do that. It’s important to learn little by little every day and improve over time with methods and practices that work best for us.

I know this was a pretty heavy science episode, and I’m sure there will be a few episodes that are more spiritual and wooey haha

Over the next couple weeks we have some special guests on the show and then we’ll return to the series again! Find me on instagram @vallavignelife and share some of your habits with me! I love meeting you!

Also, if you’re interested in building new habits, routines, rituals, or supporting your intellectual wellness, connect with me and we can set up a call to see if we’re the best fit for each other. As a Healthy Habit Mentor I’ve been able to support my clients in all areas of their health, and we’ve even been able to watch all areas of health and wellness improve, even though we’ve focused on one specific area, the others grew! You can email me at www.valerielavignelife.com/contact and let me know you’re interested in ways to work with me so we can meet virtually. 

Take care for now!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E191: Foundational Pieces of Gut Health with Kaarthika
 
 

E191: Foundational Pieces of Gut Health with Kaarthika

Kaarthika is a Certified Holistic Nutritionist specializing in gut health and is on a mission to help people get to the root of their symptoms and reconnect to their energy. In this episode, Kaarthika teaches us foundational pieces of gut health, including actionable steps we can take today to make healthy improvements and feel better in our bodies.


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[00:53] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to the podcast. Karthik, I'm so excited that you are here today for the show. I don't want to I don't want to give it all away. But I'm really excited for the topic we have today. So before we dive into all the juicy goodness, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Kaarthika Sriskantha: And yeah, so I'm so excited to be here in chat with you today. So my name is Martha and I am a certified holistic nutritionist. And I specialize in gut health. And I currently run a private practice where I'm helping people uncover what's going on inside of their bodies, and using food to feel better. So how I got into nutrition altogether, was actually because of my own journey with my own health. So when I was seven years old, I developed chronic eczema and it was pretty bad it was all over my body, including my face. And as you can imagine, for a little bit, that's a lot to deal with.

And yeah, so I'm so excited to be here in chat with you today. So my name is Martha and I am a certified holistic nutritionist. And I specialize in gut health. And I currently run a private practice where I'm helping people uncover what's going on inside of their bodies, and using food to feel better. So how I got into nutrition altogether, was actually because of my own journey with my own health. So when I was seven years old, I developed chronic eczema and it was pretty bad it was all over my body, including my face. And as you can imagine, for a little bit, that's a lot to deal with.

VL: Wow. But that's so crazy. and especially since you're so young. Why was it for you, that made you think of your food, like you're so young. How would you know, would you know that?

KS: Exactly. And I think it goes back to like, at the time like it is whatever, like, nutrition wasn't really a thing at people's like, forefront on their minds. And you know, even like my parents like they kind of did the best we could with what they knew. And it wasn't until later on until like all this information was coming out and becoming a lot more like, normalized to like talk about like food and like how it impacts like how you feel that I was like, oh, maybe this applies to me. Right? I would look so smart and good. I feel like it's also probably pretty intuitive for you too, because as I can have gone through you been trying things and it's like alright, well, I haven't tried this yet, might as well!

What I love about your journey, as tough as it sounds, I find that the most incredible healers who make the most impact or the one to really know because of their experiences and not to say that you don't you don't have to go through experiences to be a healer but I definitely feel like it brings you closer to connection with your clients. Because you understand them and you can honestly say I understand I get you I have felt what you feel and I think that's a really important part of working with people, especially in your private practice with individuals is really being able to sit with people and say like I can understand your discomfort. I can relate to this and there is hope for you just like there has been hope for me. so I get to see your beautiful face right now and I don't see any eczema.

So we're going to assume that nutrition was really the turning point for you and changing your nutrition. So tell us a little bit about this. Maybe we're not people who are dealing with our skin reacting to the foods that we're eating, but perhaps it's I know I experience bloating sometimes or a lack of energy or I feel like my sleep is restless.

KS: All of these different things, right, like food affects so many different parts of our health. So where do we start when we talk about gut health?

Right. Yeah, that's a great question and it really, really goes back to…I think something that people kind of misunderstand about the body's like, okay, food comes in and comes out. But I think we're missing a lot of the middle part of that like what happens inside of our bodies. So obviously, a big part of that is the gut. So as you like, I like to explain the gut as in it we think of it like the Amazon rainforest, right. You've got a lot of like different species, like animals and plants and like bugs, and, and flowers, and they all kind of work together to keep the ecosystem happy and healthy, and that's like exactly what's going on inside of our body. So everything is connected in a way and then there's also something unbalanced that we also want to achieve. And then when our body is out of balance then you can see some of these symptoms come up like eczema, skin issues, bloating, troubles, low energy. So these are all like signs that something is out of balance. And our gut is like the foundation for how we like how we process the nutrients that we're getting from them. It all happens in our gut and I think that's often so really paying attention to that is a really great first step for anyone who matters kind of what you're dealing with.

[06:55] VL: Oh my goodness, yeah. And it sounds like it's such an important part of the digestive process and like absorbing nutrients and shipping and or skin health and again all these different areas of our body. So I think this conversation that you and I are having even just listening to this conversation, I feel like it's gonna be really helpful too. And understanding the importance of it and that I really like that analogy of like how the ecosystem it's an ecosystem. It's part of how we function and it's true I think a lot of the reasons why people think food and food out is because the gut isn't really the we're not watching that ecosystem happen. We don't really know what's going on because it's inside and we you know, a lot of us are really disconnected to our bodies, and we can't even notice those things like I'll notice pretty quickly when I eat something that's not good.

Oh my goodness, yeah. And it sounds like it's such an important part of the digestive process and like absorbing nutrients and shipping and or skin health and again all these different areas of our body. So I think this conversation that you and I are having even just listening to this conversation, I feel like it's gonna be really helpful too. And understanding the importance of it and that I really like that analogy of how the ecosystem it's an ecosystem. It's part of how we function and it's true I think a lot of the reasons why people think food and food out is because the gut isn't really the we're not watching that ecosystem happen. We don't really know what's going on because it's inside and we you know, a lot of us are really disconnected to our bodies, and we can't even notice those things like I'll notice pretty quickly when I eat something that's not good.

KS: So there are a couple of different ways to tell if your gut is imbalanced or if it's just something that you want to pay attention to. The common things to look out for is if you're having constipation, diarrhea or even alternating of those.

If you have, like you said, bloating like stomach pain, upset stomach, upset stomach troubles, even excessive gasping, burping and stuff like that. Those are all kinds of signs that there's something going on inside that we just need to pay a little bit more attention to.

VL: Oh, wow, okay. So that seems like a lot of different signs and I'm assuming that they will mean very different things like my bloating could mean something different from your bloating or just like all bloating, eat the same thing?

KS: Yeah, so you're right. They're they, they have different reasons behind them. But the good thing is that there are a couple of foundational pieces that if everyone kind of works on them, they'll kind of resolve a bunch of different issues. 

VL: So let's talk about those. 

KS: Yeah.

VL: I’m getting my pen and paper out. I need to write this down.

KS: For sure. So I guess kind of going into like the first like foundational piece is, even before we even talk about food, it's really taking a look at how we're eating. So something that a lot of people don't know is that the gut is connected to your brain.

So when your brain picks up on stress, whether that be a boss that has given you a project at the last minute, or you have a presentation coming up, your brains, notices that stress and it actually shuts your cut down.

So it shuts down digestion and shuts down the gut. And then this is just so that you can have the energy to deal with whatever is stressing you out at the moment.

VL: So I'm gonna pause you right there. So whenever I have conversations like this with people, and I'm sure that other people listening will feel this to you. It's like you think about someone you know, if it's not yourself, you're thinking about someone else. So I know someone who is incredibly stressed out who was clearly having problems with their gut. And what you're probably already gonna see this but what are maybe like one or two things that we can do to help us be less stressed. Is this like right before eating? Are we meditating before every meal? Because like, obviously, we can't wipe out the stress but we can definitely manage it better. Exactly. It was I wait for your next point?  

KS: Yeah, so yeah, so I think like the first step is just notice like notice what your patterns are with at mealtimes Are you eating at your desk in front of your computer while working or you like on the go or you're driving while you're having a vehicle or something like that?

So first noticing your patterns and if you can't, for whatever reason, get away from work or having to work at lunchtime. Then taking a few deep breaths. Right before you start eating can really just tell your your body and your nervous system that like everything is okay. You can focus on digestion and like moving things along.

So a couple of deep breaths even just before taking the bite will be a huge help. 

[11:50] VL: And that's so doable. We can practice a few deep breaths beforehand. Okay, that's our first foundational piece is how we're eating. What's next?

KS: So, going back to the idea of like our gut being a whole ecosystem, right? Something to keep in mind is that we have actually like critters inside of our gut. So all of these friendly bacteria that actually keep like this ecosystem, this rainforest, strong and healthy. So we want to keep feeding that ecosystem what it needs. So we can do that by bringing in foods that are rich in probiotics. So you know, sauerkraut, kimchi, yogurt, all of these foods have natural probiotics in them and getting them into our diet, even if it's like a teaspoon of sauerkraut with every meal. That will do wonders for our gut. Overall.

VL: I love that. My mom's side of the family has polish so they eat a lot of sauerkraut, but I don't like the taste of it. However, I could be convinced knowing that it would help like okay, so we can like that you're saying this because it's like supplementing with whole foods right? and being able to just incorporate this into each of the meals. okay. What other types of things are part of our ecosystem, but the probiotics, is there something else that we should be eating with every meal?

KS: Yes so now that we've kind of brought in those like helpful bacteria from like the chemistry or the Tarkir that you're eating, we also want to make sure that then we're feeding like those, those those bacteria, right, we're giving them what they need to continue growing and thriving and keeping our gut happy. And they obviously love fiber. So making sure that we're getting enough fruits and veggies at every meal In order to keep them happy as well.

[14:00 ] VL: Excellent. Now this is a whole other topic, “fiber.” I feel like there's so much information about fiber and like how much should we be getting? How much do we eat with each meal? Is this something that we can kind of calculate or aim toward a certain amount of fiber every day? Because then I can donate too much fiber, but I don't know if it's very, it's very confusing. 

KS: Oh, yeah, definitely. I agree with you. it's definitely confusing out there. It is also very important to note that even with all like the device, and even the recommendations I'm making right now it's really important to tune into your body. So even if someone else is eating, like this much fiber, you might not make someone else feel so good, and vice versa. So I think part of it is tuning into your own body and seeing how you feel. But as a general rule, you want to be getting like four to six servings of fruits. and veggies per day. And that's about like four to six like handfuls. So what I tell my clients is to focus on getting like two large handfuls of fruits and veggies per meal.

And then to have a really good intake of fiber and then they can kind of play with and see which types of fiber they like to eat, which types like to make them feel good. and then they have a little bit of free rein to play around with that.

VL: I imagine it would be very specific to the person. It's also like what kind of so here's the thing, right? I have supplemented myself before and I noticed that I would get more bloated when I started taking it because my body is just not used to it yet. and then the nutritionist that I was working with at the time was like keep trying them. if it's very uncomfortable, then you can stop, but we just had to play with the dosage a little bit as well.

So I can imagine you're introducing all these new foods. Well, maybe for some people, it's all new foods, it's gonna start to change the ecosystem a little bit so can we expect to have instant relief or instant energy right away or is this something that like he's kind of playing with and seeing what works, what doesn't?

KS: It does, it does take time one to like, reset that ecosystem and and bring back a balance like that does take time and also depending on, let's say how long you've been out of balance too, right? That plays a factor. So there's that then there's also times where it's so individualized, something like a probiotic that works well with someone may not work for someone else. So there is a lot of things that we can do to individualize that. So something that I do with all my clients is really just tuning into how you feel and just introducing one kind of thing at a time so that you can kind of isolate what's working and what's not.

VL: Oh, yeah, totally. That's a great idea. We're learning so much. Okay, so we've got how our eating and our stress are feeding the ecosystem when it needs probiotics, and we're feeding those probiotics when it needs fiber. What's next for our foundational gut health?

KS: so the piece that I think is most important and that a lot of people overlook is actually diversity. So we want to be bringing in a lot of different diverse foods into our diet.

Because if you think about that rainforest, the reason that it's so strong and resilient is because it does have a lot of different types of plants and species going on. So we want to make sure that we are building a strong gut so that if something does disturb it, it'll bounce back and it will be stronger. So again, like we are, humans are like a creature of habit. So typically, like if we like a certain food, we'll eat it all. the time, like our age when you want to live our historical kind of pick up the same things. So something that I recommend doing is just picking up one new fruit or vegetable When you're at the grocery store. So if you typically pick up spinach and broccoli, maybe it's arugula and cauliflower.

VL: Yeah, I could definitely get better at this. I feel like I'm laughing at myself right now. So I tend to pick eight to 10 types of fruits and vegetables. And I will look at things and you know, the very primal part of us is like, oh, that's stressful. Like, that takes extra work. I need to look up how to even have you prepared this like what is this even called? And then like I remember buying something one time where I thought I bought enough and then it was like oh my god this one got so smile by the time I finish preparing it and it was just, it's such it's so funny, but it really it does take a little bit more discipline and practice to kind of pull in different things especially if you're not someone who's like really comfortable in the kitchen cooking and things like that. I will say we started doing meal delivery like meal kits and even though we get to pick what meals come that week from the selection they have, I will say it has encouraged us to try a couple new things. Which has been really great because it's like we didn't really need to think too much about it. They already gave me the instructions.

But yeah, that's definitely again, it's so doable. We're just not doing it right. It's so simple. We can take action on these things. We just need to start doing it. You know what? Saying that here you're hearing me say that we are trying a new vegetable next time I go to the grocery store this weekend, so let's see what I pick!

[20:04] KS: I think that's a really important piece to touch on is like when we're building these habits. At the beginning it isn't easy like it is extra work to be like okay, I'm gonna try this new vegetable and figure out how to cook it and then bring it into my regular rotation. So I think it's important to normalize that but yes, like it does take a little bit of effort. So in that case, I I like to choose. Again, I like to start small, like I like to do something maybe I just haven't eaten in a while and I already know how to prepare or something that's already like pre chopped and ready to go. And as long as if there's ways that we can make it easier on ourselves, I think I think it's important to take advantage of those.


VL: Because that's something to write. It's like you just want to you don't want to add more to the plate. We're trying to breathe before meals. We're trying to add probiotics and we have to do all these things.

However, I have recently admitted that I have an addiction to buying cookbooks and not using them. 

So I made something last week, which I didn't find being honest. But I tried. And then this week I'm actually going to make something new. And it's not necessarily that I haven't eaten these foods before but they are being prepared a little differently, which I also think is kind of nice too because it changes a little bit of the flavor or I wouldn't have thought to have combined one thing with the other. You know, it's interesting. So I am trying to push myself out of that comfort zone a little bit and stretch that out.

And I think just to your point of habit building is just like not letting it be so structured and just allowing it to be fun. Like, oh, that vegetable looks cool. Let's use that. And not being okay, we need all new foods this week. It's like no, no, just include one extra thing. I always do that. I see at the store and I never buy it and I'm like oh my god I love like, figure that out. I like eating it.

KS: Yeah. 

VL: Okay, so we're trying a new vegetable every week we are diversifying our food. I like to try to make a rainbow on my plate or eat the rainbow of some sort. I feel like that's a little bit of diversity to get different colors there.

Are there any other parts of that foundational kind of health that we need to know?

[22:31] KS: Yeah, I'm actually really glad that you mentioned the rainbow and this goes back to like the whole diversity piece. Because you know, like when vegetables and fruits have different colors. They actually have different nutrients. And especially like the gut and our gut bugs they love things that are red and blue and really vibrant. The Colors they actually feed on are called polyphenols and they actually help our gut stay strong and healthy. So it's really important to bring in as much color as you can. Even if it's just one a week like you bring in strawberries one week, blueberries  the other week it's it will be a good habit to have for sure.

VL: Yeah, I'm glad you said that because I do practice as much as possible cycle syncing.. I think the last part of syncing with my hormonal cycle was the food part of it. So I did the productivity and I scheduled things in around a certain time. And then I also did it with my activity. So doing different workouts throughout the month nicely. It's like a different workout every week, or a different routine every week. And then the last part of it that I introduced was the bringing in a new fruit or vegetables. So I looked at like what are the best foods to have during this part of my hormonal cycle? And just that alone encouraged me to not eat berries every day. I was having citrus fruits one week and then I was having berries the next week. And then I was, you know what I mean? And I think even what you said, it's like, you're gonna like the foods you cannot beat the foods before you can ever use those fruits and vegetables. Just change it up each time. Right? 

[24:25] KS: Totally. Another person who eats the same freakin fruit Yeah, it really goes back to like bringing back the things that you actually like, like eating right? Like I don't really like to talk about what foods to avoid and when it comes to cut out I really like talking about bringing in groups that like that, that you're comfortable with and that you like and that you can have regularly.

Another way to kind of change it up is actually looking at what's in season because that wherever you are in the world like that will also kind of force you to change what you're eating because we find that strawberries are in season right now so bear with me as well pick that up and and like incorporate that and that's also another great way of like a prompt to help you diversify that.

VL: Okay, so we are less stressed when we're starting to eat or be or ecosystem we're diversifying our foods. And then how long are we doing this for before we start to notice some of the changes, some of the benefits and all these things?

KS: It again depends on the person and like what they're experiencing and like the severity of their symptoms, but something to pay attention to is like your bowel movements so you'll typically notice a difference in your bowel movements. Maybe within a week or so. And then that's just kind of the starting point of when things start to shift in terms of that balance within your gut and then you'll see like your energy levels start to change as well as things on the outside of your skin. So just paying attention to your gut is really like the first piece of the puzzle and then everything else kind of starts to fall away. 

[26:11] VL: It's like it's so important. It's such an important part of our whole body ecosystem, this ecosystem. And often you hear people's will at least now start to become more mainstream. Your Guide is like your second brain. And some people argue that it's your first brain so it's pretty incredible. And again, just coming back to like making more of a practice of connecting to those things and noticing how you're feeling when you're feeling bloated. Just getting to know your body more. I think that's going to be a huge, huge help for anybody listening and just look at these like really amazing combinational tips. Are there any more pieces of these foundational parts that we need to know about?

KS: That’s all. 

VL: Yeah, like those. I think this is like honestly the best starting point anywhere. 

KS: Yeah.

VL: Yeah, this is so great and again, actual steps. I'll just kind of summarize them. So it's how we're eating and taking a few breaths before we eat. It's feeding the ecosystem and those little critters in our body need probiotics of fiber four to six servings of fruit and vegetables per day and then diversifying those foods and trying new vegetables, each having a diverse store of fruits and then eating the rainbow or needing different colors, mostly vibrant colors to really get those different nutrients. And to help us You said the prompt was to eat what's in season. I think that's a great idea because oftentimes that's what's the freshest. That's what's local, and it's also usually on sale. So there you go! Three bonuses.

Is there anything that hasn’t been said that you really want to make a point of?

[28:00] KS: with gut health and I think something that I like want to mention is even when I was at the start of my journey with gut health, like I did kind of what anyone else would do is you go on Google, you start searching maybe like I felt comfortable Instagram and just started kind of copying what they're doing. I think it really is important, like you said is to tune into your own party and to start to pick up on patterns and maybe even like writing them down.

I think that's really the best starting point instead of automatically like doing what other people are doing and comparing yourself. I think it's a really good practice just to come back to yourself and to other people out and about what they're doing and just notice how you feel first.

VL: Oh yeah. Actually, I say this all the time. When I teach Pilates. I say you know your body better than anyone else. Like when I teach a class. I know what muscles do, but I can't feel exactly what you're feeling. So if something doesn't feel good in your body, you need to communicate that to me. So that's kind of how I do it in physical fitness class. However, that really does apply to your nutrition as well. So I'm really glad that you made that point. You shared so much amazing information with us today. So many takeaways. If someone is listening and they want to work with you or find you or follow you, how can we do that? Where can we find you and how can we support your business as well.

KS: So I do run a private practice and right now I have a one on one program called NOURISH where we use functional testing actually to get to the bottom of what's going on within the gut and then creating a unique to you plan nutrition plan that's also manageable as well. so that's what I did kind of practice. and there's I also share lots of like free information on Instagram, that's kind of where I hang out. @nourish.with.kaarthika

RAPID FIRE ROUND

[30:28] VL: Okay my dear, we have one more segment to the show, which is the Rapid Fire Round, are you ready?

KS: I think so.

VL: What are you currently reading, or what is your favourite book?

KS: I’m currently reading this book called The Mind-Gut Connection actually. So there’s a lot of science on how the gut affects the brain and the brain affects the gut.

VL: This is so on brand for you.

KS: I know right?

VL: Question number two is what does empowerment mean to you?

KS: I think what empowerment means to me is like making your own decisions, and I think that goes with food as well. Like being able to make your own decisions for your own body. And I think that's really empowering because you know what makes you feel good and you know what, it doesn't make you feel good and that's kind of the driving force of like what you decide to eat and not eat and I think that's the answer.

VL: Question number three is what is your longest standing habit?

KS: I would say my longest standing habit is journaling first thing in the morning. That's kind of when I have a lot of just my mind goes crazy in the morning. So I love to just let that fall down on the first thing in the morning. So that I can go on with my day clearheaded. 

VL: So I used to journal more than I do now, but I have recently 17 which was not that long ago. But do you ever look back on those and you're like, it's like embarrassing, but also endearing.

KS: Yeah, exactly. There will be times when I'm like, oh, exactly. Oh, that's really directions required to that. Oh, God, no, we need to.

VL: Okay, final question for today, which is what are you currently working toward?

KS: on I'm currently working toward bringing like this, this message to more people just about really like individualized health before to get people kind of understanding their bodies more I think I'm like really honored that this is something that I get to do and I'm working towards like bringing that especially after you've been through with your own health journey, and then being able to say like, yes, you can feel better. I feel better.

VL:  That's so powerful. I'm so glad you came on the show today. And it's so great to chat about gut health.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E190: Emotional Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Two of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E190: Emotional Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Two of The Science & The Spiritual Series

In today's episode learn about balancing the four brainwaves for building better emotional habits such as: practicing mindfulness, cultivating positive self-talk, and creating time management skills.

Plus spiritual tools and practices like: crystals, essential oils, meditations and journal prompts to support these habits!


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[00:28] Hello there and welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. There is an interesting evolution to how today’s topic has come into manifestation!

It started as a listener request/suggestion from Ceri. She asked “about different types of habits and how to incorporate them; physical, mental, emotional, etc.” As I started to create an episode with all sorts of different habits I realized this would be much more helpful as a series!

So welcome to part two of the science & the spiritual series! Today is all about emotional habits and how to incorporate them using scientific research on habit formation and spiritual tools like crystals, essential oils, and more!

To keep the series flowing, I thought it would be more beneficial to really understand the scientific concepts of our brain and habits if we focused on one scientific method per episode.

In part one we discussed the power of WHY and intention behind your habits with the benefits of physical habits including: regular exercise, eating more vegetables, and getting quality sleep.

Episode 189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part One of The Science & The Spiritual Series

Each episode in the series corresponds to one of the seven dimensions of wellness, and this episode covers Emotional wellness. I loved a description of this dimension I found online so I’m going to read it to you and source it in the show notes page:

[02:10] Emotional Wellness

“Emotional wellness is a dynamic state that fluctuates frequently with your other six dimensions of wellness. Being emotionally well is typically defined as possessing the ability to feel and express human emotions such as happiness, sadness, and anger. It means having the ability to love and be loved and achieving a sense of fulfillment in life. Emotional wellness encompasses optimism, self-esteem, self-acceptance and the ability to share feelings.”

[source

Looks like we’re going deep today! Let’s work with three habit examples in the emotion wellness categories: practicing mindfulness, cultivating positive self-talk, and creating time management skills.

[03:02] Mindfulness; Tuning into Thoughts & Feelings

Mindfulness is a common topic on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast and I searched the archives to find an episode I think would really compliment today’s episode. If you’re interested in making mindfulness a regular practice, check out episode 131: How to Incorporate Mindfulness Daily

While mindfulness may have started as a spiritual concept, over the past few decades, more researchers have been studying and explaining the biology of mindfulness. In fact, studies have demonstrated that mindfulness can reduce depression, anxiety, boost the immune system, help pain management, and support you in releasing unhealthy habits. All in as little as 8 weeks of consistent practice. 

Mindfulness is described as moment-to-moment awareness of ourselves and our environment and has been adapted from Buddhist practices. While there are many ways to practice mindfulness, a common one, and one that has been research driven is meditation. Before you roll your eyes… Let me just say that there are a million ways to meditate and I can assure you that with some experimentation, you will be able to find a style that works best for you.

My favourite app that has thousands of free meditations is Insight Timer

And if you really want to go deep into understanding the effects of meditation on the brain, you MUST READ Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza. 

[04:58] Meditation & Brainwaves: The Science

When it comes to The Science of Meditation and its Effects on the Brain, Dr. Joe Dispenza is my go-to expert. He completely breaks down the process through real-life case studies behind miraculous healing in the body with the brain scans and knowledge base to back it all up. If you or someone you know needs the scientific evidence or language, then this is my recommended resource for you. [source]

For the purpose of today’s episode I will describe the changes in the brain simply:

In our day-to-day lives, our brains operate analytically and logically on the conscious level. Through meditation we can move from the conscious mind to the unconscious mind, and what separates the conscious and unconscious is the analytical mind.

Our unconscious mind is where all of our habits are stored, all of our automated behaviours. They live here because we’ve repeated them so many times that they become unconscious. This includes good and bad habits.

If we want to change our bad habits we need to find a way to get beyond our critical and analytical mind/thinking and go into that subconscious mind to rewrite those unhealthy automatic behaviours. 

The research-driven formula for these types of change has to do with changing the brain waves. More specifically slowing the brain waves from beta to alpha, to theta, and delta.

Brainwaves are electrical impulses in the brain. We can’t feel them, but with advanced technology we can monitor them if we want to and have the technology.

Beta brainwaves bring conscious awareness to our external environment. This is our analytical mind. They help us connect with and make meaning of what’s going on around us. 

Alpha brainwaves happen when our bodies and minds start to relax, typically through meditation. The brain gets more organized, focused and coherent; feelings of joy and love, relaxation and imagination can be experienced in this wave. It’s also a helpful state for problem solving and creative visualization.

Theta brainwaves are experienced as our meditation practice deepens. Theta can also be experienced while we dream, and through our ascending in our meditation practice. This is a powerful state and is connected to our creative brain power. In this state it might feel like you’re having a deeply spiritual experience that goes beyond the logical borders of space and time. Learning, memory can be supported when theta is present in the brain.

Lastly, delta brainwaves. These patterns are mostly present in our deep sleep state, however they can also be seen in meditative states in combination with other brainwaves. Although it connects to the quantum field - which can never be consciously understood - this is a subconscious state where our intuition and gut feelings come from.

The goal is to reach a high performing and awakened mind by balancing all four brainwave states. The beta activity brings conscious awareness, alpha brings creativity, theta creates a relaxed connection with the subconscious and delta connects us with the quantum field to allow intuitive inspiration to come through to our conscious awareness.

[source

[09:18] Mindfulness & Meditation: The Spiritual 

As meditation is rooted in a spiritual practice, I would suggest having an intention when sitting down to meditate. Be that to breathe deeper, calm the nervous system, be open to receiving creative downloads, whatever is meaningful to you. You want the intention to challenge you, and inspire you!

Some “spiritual” tools you can use for your meditations are: 

Crystal: I found a list of the best crystals for mindfulness, and the first crystal on the list is obsidian and the blog post says:

“If you're stuck in a negative thinking cycle, consider adding Obsidian into your meditation. Obsidian, often known as the "psychic vacuum cleaner," absorbs and clears irritability and tension, making you groundedand aware of your thoughts. It's an excellent stone for eliminating any prior negative or emotional harm. In addition, it has powerful metaphysical properties that can help defend you from unwanted influences.” [source]

Essential Oil: Sandalwood which is the oil of “Sacred Devotion” is a lovely grounding scent that supports prayer, meditation, and other spiritual practices. It has been used since ancient times for its powerful ability to calm the mind, still the heart, and prepare the spirit to commune with “God” the Universe, Spirit, etc. It helps in quieting the mind in order for us to hear a more subtle voice of Spirit or Higher Self and helps us let go of material attachments.

You may already know that the asana yoga practice, (or yoga poses) was actually created with the intention of moving the body to prepare it for meditation. The idea is to get the body moving and twisting and turning, so that afterwards, when you’re sitting in meditation you are not moving around or distracted by your body and thoughts. If you are interested in starting a yoga practice, or if you already have one, consider habit stacking, and add in meditation following your yoga practice. 


[11:55] Positive Self Talk

Our second emotional habit example for today’s episode is Positive Self-Talk. Again, this is a topic we’ve discussed on the podcast before, and actually one of our top 10 episodes is all about this! Check out Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk if this is a habit you want to build. 

Self-talk is the running dialogue in our heads. It’s basically when we’re talking to ourselves in our mind. Everyone has this inner narrative, but we don’t often spend so much time actually thinking about what the heck it’s going on about. The important truth is that our self-talk has a much bigger influence on the way we see ourselves and the world we live in, than we realize.

[12:49] Positive Self-Talk: The Science

Positive self-talk is a kind and confident way of thinking, and talking to ourselves. To create our positive self-talk habit, let’s use our science combined with three key steps.

1. Put on your “Investigator Hat” and identify self-talk traps

This will be something you want to do every day. Noticing when and where you are falling into the negativity. You are becoming more mindful of your thoughts, actions, and more aware of this inner dialogue. 

As you are doing this, you might notice certain situations that are more likely to cause more negativity. Like when an introvert is attending a networking or social event.Noticing the “traps” can help us to swap our negative self-talk to something more positive and encouraging.

This method requires us to be in our beta brainwave state. We are thinking critically and analytically. The key here is to investigate without judgment. Noticing, not judging. We recognize that we’re speaking in our negative self-talk, but we don’t beat ourselves up more than we already are, we just notice. Bringing awareness is so important for breaking through these negative cycles, and it may take some time. Give yourself grace through this step.

2. Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations can be an excellent tool and practice for improving our self-talk. You can practice positive affirmations to set the tone for the day, or to prepare yourself before a self-talk trap.

A great way to practice affirmations is through meditation. And repeating the affirmation over and over in your mind. In this practice, you will want to be in the alpha brainwave state. When your body and mind is starting to relax and get more focused, organized and coherent. The state where you are experiencing more feelings of joy and love which is perfect for positive self-talk! And since it’s also a state where relaxation and imagination can be experienced, you may be able to plant seeds of positivity in your mind that grow and support you ongoing.

3. Keep a Self-Esteem JournalJournaling can be a very powerful and effective tool for making lasting mindset shifts. One of the reasons why it is so effective is because you are activating multiple parts of your brain when you put pen to paper. And depending on what you’re writing about it can help expand and amplify your topic: like positive self-talk for example.

The two types of journal I recommend are a Gratitude Journal and an Emotions Journal.The gratitude journal is a list of what you are grateful for specifically that day, as well as why you are grateful for it. Recalling your daily gratitudes helps you return to the feeling of gratitude and brings more of what you’re grateful for.

An Emotions Journal has specific prompts that help you investigate your mindset and encourage you to think positively about different parts of your day.

To help you start your emotions journal, here are some prompts:I felt proud of myself today when I…The highlight of my day was…One of my best attributes is…I am excited about…My biggest success this week was…

Writing requires us to be in the beta and/or alpha states, however in these journaling practices, I encourage you to actively feel what you are writing about. Feeling gratitude and appreciation, feeling proud, feeling excited, feeling the feelings from the successful parts and highlights of the day. This will release dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins which is a similar feeling to a runner’s high. These are chemicals responsible for feelings of happiness and pleasure.


[17:53] Positive Self-Talk: The Spiritual

Crystal: Citrine, which is known for its sunny energy and orange-yellow-gold-colour. It clears blockages, negative thoughts, or instibillities by replacing those feelings with positive vibrations and optimism. 

Essential Oil: Bergamot is the oil of “Self-Acceptance” – one of my favourites! It relieves feelings of despair, self-judgment and low self-esteem, and supports our need for self-acceptance and self love. It invites us to see with more optimism. Bergamot awakens hope and offers courage to share our inner selves while cleansing stagnant feelings and limiting belief systems. 

Mindful Practices:

When you catch yourself saying something negative (i.e you’re in a negative self-talk “trap”), try holding space for yourself by taking a mindful breath. Forgive yourself for saying something not so friendly, and swap it with something more friendly. It’s important that the new positive self-talk switch is TRUE for you. For example if you catch yourself looking in the mirror and thinking your hair looks flat and bad, you can take a breath and say sorry (because you would never speak that way to a friend!) and you can swap it with, I’m proud of you for showing up today. Or I love your strength, etc.

[20:32] Time Management Skills

The final example for today’s episode of emotional habits is all about Time Management Skills - which truthfully is kind of ironic because I’m actually producing this episode a little late - OOPS!

But all things considered, I run two businesses, produce a podcast, maintain healthy relationships, and take care of my mind/body/soul, so some things slide here and there. That’s part of positive self-talk, am I right!?

Of course, I’ve got a complimentary podcast episode for Time Management Skills, Episode 182: Taking the Overwhelm Out of Your To Do List

[21:23] Time Management: The Science

I’m not going to go into too much depth with the science because I’ve already talked a lot about today’s scientific theme - the brainwaves, so here’s what you need to know about the brainwaves and time management:

If we are constantly moving from one task to another, if we are consistently unorganized with our time and we’re late or forgetful, or always on the go-go-go… we are stuck in our beta brainwave state.

We are always going to be thinking analytically and critically, which leaves little to no room for creativity, joy, love, unique problem solving, deep healing, and rewiring bad/old habits.

When we can properly manage our time, it allows us to create balance and spaciousness in our schedules and lives. We have room for the things that matter to us, space for surprises and invitations, and we’re capable of “thinking outside of the box” because we are able to slow down and be present. 

So if you have been experiencing feelings of overwhelm, lack of creativity, plans or details have been falling through the cracks it’s time to stop and reevaluate the schedule and how much we’re taking on – I’m also talking to myself here.

[22:55] Time Management: The Spiritual

Crystal: Smoky Quartz. If there’s a lot going on in your life right now and your headspace is feeling clouded or thrown off, stop what you’re doing, take a break and give yourself a moment with smoky quartz. 

“This crystal will help to reduce anxiety, stress and anything else that hinders you from focusing on the task at hand. You can now move forward in a more grounded state.” [source

Essential Oil: Lemon, which is the oil of “Focus.” This citrusy aroma engages the mind and increases concentration. It supports the emotional body, but its major effects are experienced in the mental field. It’s a wonderfully crisp scent that helps improve our ability to focus and moves us from confusion to clarity. It’s also very restorative bringing us into mental flexibility and drive to complete a project. 

The last spiritual tool or practice I wanted to share with you is one I learned from a previous guest on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. Her name is Tara McCrory.
Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect to Your Intuition

She uses a pendulum to ask yes or no questions and one of the practical ways you can do this is with your to do list of the day. 

Write out your list and number the items 1 through however many tasks you have, and then using your pendulum, go down the list to see if this is the task you start with instead of just going down in the order you wrote things down.

Not to get too off topic, but if you’re into Human Design and you are either a Generator or Manifesting Generator, then you don’t need a pendulum, you naturally have to ability to respond to yes or no questions, and you can go down the list without the pendulum.

Okay friend we’ve come to the end of our second part of the Science & The Spiritual Series. Thank you so much for joining me today! I am off to go on a solo road trip to see my family in the states, next week's episode features a brand new guest to the show! And after that we will continue our series. 

If you’re on instagram, hit me up! @vallavignelife screenshot this episode, tag me in stories, slide into those dms say hello! Engage with the content let me know you’re a listener of the show - it makes my day to connect with you! 

Meet you here next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part One of The Science & The Spiritual Series
 
 

E189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part One of The Science & The Spiritual Series

In part one of this seven part series learn how to combine science & spirituality to create lasting habits that create balance in our lives. This week, physical habits: daily movement + eating more veggies + quality sleep!


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[00:28] Hello there and welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. Today’s episode was created from a request from listener Ceri who asked about different types of habits and how to incorporate them. If you have ideas or requests for episodes, you can find me on instagram @vallavignelife and send me a DM. I absolutely LOVE hearing from you and getting to know you in the virtual space. It honestly makes my day when I get a note from you.

So I’ve also been able to get to know a little bit about Ceri because we follow each other online and she’s also participated in some of the Healthy Habit Challenges. Ceri, like myself, and I’m sure you as well, enjoys spiritual things like crystals, the lunar calendar, astrology, etc. 

And since this is the case, I thought I’d combine some science with some spiritual components to creating your different types of habits. Truthfully I use this combination in many of my Healthy Habit Coaching offerings, including the Make a Habit Mentorship 1:1 Coaching and the Healthy Habit Membership group coaching as well. If you’re interested in learning more about those check out:

Monthly Group Coaching Membership

1:1 Coaching Experience

Now I had to come up with the different habit examples, and to offer variety I wanted to use the seven dimensions of wellness to really get a nice range of different practices. Even though I will speak to seven very different dimensions, I encourage you to start with ONE, and then add on after you’ve created the habit for yourself.

Originally I wanted to speak to all seven of the dimensions in one episode, but as I started to produce this episode I realized it was going to be VERY LONG, so I’ve actually decided to break this up into a seven-part series! I’ve never done a series this long but I’m excited about it and it really allows me to dive deeper into each dimension so you can get a better idea of what works best for you.

As you’re listening to each episode in the series, I encourage you to notice which dimensions you’re drawn to or excited by and then decide where you want to put your focus and energy into building your habit. 

Let’s dive in!

The seven dimensions of wellness are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental and occupational.

The overall goal is to create balance in ALL these areas, however when it comes to starting and sticking to a new habit, I suggest choosing one. And what’s really cool about focusing on one of these dimensions, and improving it, is that it actually impacts OTHER areas. 

It also makes it easier to create balance as a whole if we can create consistency, momentum, and confidence in one area so that it propels us with the other areas.

[04:24] Physical Habit

On that note, let’s begin with the first dimension and first of our series: a physical habit. These tend to be the most popular with starting new habits. Physical wellness is a broad area of health as it emcompasses many different behaviours from movement to nutrition, sleep, and anything to do with your physical body. For today’s examples, we’ll use exercising daily + eating more veggies + getting quality sleep

As a Healthy Habit Mentor AND a Pilates/Fitness Instructor I am a huge advocate for regular exercise and one of the reasons why is because it has so many amazing benefits including:

  • Improving brain health

  • Helping manage weight

  • Reducing the risk of disease

  • Strengthening bones and muscles

  • Improving your ability to do everyday activities

  • Releases chemicals called endorphins that improve your mood

  • The list goes on 

Although the benefits of regular exercise can be experienced by anyone and everyone who participates in this practice, actually doing the routine is a lot more complex and unique depending on the person.

I want to be clear that today’s episode and the entire series, really speaks to general examples. Don’t be deterred if they don’t work for you. There is a uniqueness to you and your lifestyle and your goals and therefore you will need to create a unique action plan for yourself! This is something I work on with my 1:1 Make a Habit Mentorship clients. If you’re interested in a more customized approach for your goals, let’s get in touch! Allow today’s examples to be foundational to your experience.

[06:22] Exercising Daily: The Science

The list of benefits of working out including: slowing down aging, better quality of life, increased blood flow to the brain, and the ones I listed (above) earlier can be enough to convince you that you need a daily exercise routine. And if it doesn’t, what if I told you the consequences of a sedentary life?

People with low levels of physical activity are at risk of:

  • Different cancers, Heart disease, Alzheimer’s 

  • Decreased core strength, and increased lower back pain

  • Depression and anxiety 

  • And so much more

[Source

It can also help to include to your list of reasons why daily movement and exercise is so important, specific goals that you have for your physical health. Do you want to go on a big hike in Machu Picchu? Do you want to have more energy to spend time with your kids or family members, and friends? Do you want to feel good in your body all day every day?

The reason for why you want to be healthier in your physical body - and I’m talking the real reason, not the “hot girl summer body” - is going to be your purpose and motivation for taking action, literally.

Let’s look at the spiritual tools to a daily movement practice.

[08:50] Exercising Daily: The Spiritual 

Crystal: Orange Calcite for energy during your workout. Disclaimer: I am not a crystal expert, so I did some research on these! [source]. You can put your workout crystals in your gym bag, or in your pocket, or your bra during your workout!

Essential Oil: Cypress oil, the essential oil of “motion and flow.” This is such a powerful oil that creates energetic flow and emotional catharsis. It helps bring stagnant energies into motion through the fluid energy of the oil. It works with the heart and mind, creating flexibility. 

You can inhale this oil from the bottle, from your palms, or apply 2-3 drops along the spine or bottoms of the feet before your workout. If you want to add a drop to your gym bag, why not!

Exercising Daily: Practical, Tactical Tips

Here are some helpful practices that have supported my clients in creating a daily movement practice:

  1. Choose an exercise you ENJOY, you’re more likely to do it.

  2. Get any tools needed for your exercise ready the night before. Example, lay out your yoga mat, prep your gym bag with your clothes and shoes.

  3. Add your workouts into your calendar so you know when you’re doing them and you’ve allotted the time.

  4. Invest in a trainer, membership, or gear to keep your accountable and motivated

[11:33] Eating More Veggies: The Science 

Another frequent request or goal in my habit coaching services that I have is physical health with nutrition and better eating habits. In this example I’m going to speak about eating more veggies.

In terms of the science behind building this new habit, and the theme for the science in this particular episode, I’ll also speak about the benefits of eating healthier, specifically to more fruits + veggies.

The federal guideline for how much fruit to have for adults is 1 ½ to 2 cups, and 2 to 3 cups for vegetables per day. And according to the CDC’s website only 1 and 10 adults get enough fruits or vegetables,

Not only is quantity important for consumption of these colourful foods but VARIETY is also very important. No single vegetable or fruit can provide us with all of the different nutrients we need every day, so the variety of vegetables can be very beneficial to a nutrient rich diet.

Benefits of eating a variety of fruits + veggies include: 

  • Lowered blood pressure

  • Reduced risk of heart disease or stroke

  • Cancer prevention

  • Improved digestion

  • Positive effect on blood sugar

  • Promote weight loss

  • Depending on the plant compound you are receiving other benefits that are unique to that plant!

I have a great resource link that goes deeper into different studies proving these benefits of eating more vegetables.

[13:13] Eating More Veggies: The Spiritual

Crystal: Peridot. This crystal is known to be helpful for motivation. It is a green colour which also supports the heart chakra or energy centre. This crystal may also reduce anxiety or fear, detox the body, increase strength, and enhance digestive organs. [source] Sounds like a great crystal for working on physical health goals, especially around eating and nutrition.

Essential Oil: Grapefruit is the oil of “honouring the body” The emotional support this oil brings is that it teaches true respect and appreciation for the physical body. It encourages integrity by respecting your physical needs. 

To use this oil and receive all its benefits you can inhale it from the bottle. Or you can put a drop on your wrists, belly, or behind the ears.

And additional spiritual practice would be a pre-meal blessing. Similar to giving thanks before a meal, but instead turn your palms toward your plate, close your eyes, and “bless” the food with good energy and good digestion. You can also give thanks and gratitude for the meal.

[15:11] Eating More Veggies: Practical, Tactical Tips

  1. Keep vegetables where you can see them. Don’t tuck them away in the little cubbies of your fridge: put them on the shelf at eye level, or in the door. I know it doesnt say to go there, but trust me… you’ll eat what you can see! 

  2. Try new and seasonal veggies. When you’re grocery shopping, choose one new vegetable each time to try something new. You can also look at what’s in season, which is usually very fresh and nutrient dense! 

  3. An easy way to incorporate a variety of vegetables in one meal is soup! These are some of my favourite ways to eat more vegetables.

  4. Eat the rainbow! Another way to ensure variety in your meals and vegetables, is to choose vegetables based on their colour. Aim for all the colours of the rainbows when meal planning, shopping, and plating your food.

[16:29] Getting Quality Sleep: The Science

Our final habit for part one of the series is getting quality sleep. There are so many great books on sleep, and although I haven’t read them all, I have heard great things about:

Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson

The Sleep Revolution by Arianna Huffington

Here are some of the many benefits of getting quality sleep:

  • Improved immune system

  • Healthy weight maintenance

  • Lowers risk for diabetes and heart disease

  • Reduced stress and improved mood

  • Increased focus and mental clarity

  • Mood boosting 

  • And more!


Since I started wearing an OURA ring in January of this year, I’ve been able to better understand my personal sleep patterns and sleep health and I find it so incredible to see how things like the length of time I’m sleep, to the restfulness, to the latency (how long it takes for me to fall asleep), and also be able to track how long my REM and deep sleep are. It even monitors my heart rate and heart rate variability while I’m sleeping.

[18:16] Getting Quality Sleep: The Spiritual

Crystal: Amethyst. Which is one of the most common stones, and one that is most recommended for sleep. It also happens to be my birthstone - holla!

Since amethyst is made from quartz, it has amplification properties. This means if you “program” your crystal aka set an intention for your crystal for sleep and calm, it can be “used to broadcast calming messages for a soothing and calming sleep experience” [source]

Essential Oil: I have two for this one…

Juniper Berry, which is the oil of “night” and helps anyone who fears the dark or unknown aspects of themselves. It helps us understand the things we fear can be our teachers. It can also help us with our dreams and gives us courage and protection in the nighttime. 

Inhale from the bottle, diffuse, or place a drop in the palms and inhale. And/or place 1 drop on the forehead or behind the ears before bed.

Vetiver: the oil of “centring and decent” which assists us in becoming more rooted in life. It’s a great oil to help transition for a grounding and restful sleep, centring us and rooting us into our true selves. Can also help with stress and to bring us into the present. 

Inhale from the bottle, diffuse, or place a drop in the palms and inhale. You can also apply 1-3 drops on the bottom of the feet or base of the spine.

[20:06] Getting Quality Sleep: Practical, Tactical Tips

The number one helpful practice for my clients who are creating better sleep habits is curating an evening wind-down routine with boundaries around technology + consistent bedtimes.

  1. Choose a time 90 minutes - 2 hours before going to sleep to begin your evening wind down routine

  2. During the 2 hours pre-bed, opt for activities that are relaxing and help you prepare for bed

  3. Go to bed around the same time every evening, and wake up at the same time every morning; or within an hour of those times.

Let me know what physical habits you’re working on. Screenshot this episode and share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife – If you’re feeling stuck, let’s connect and see if either 1:1 or group coaching would be best for you and your goals!

Next week on the series part two: Emotional Habits

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie
 
 

E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

Join Kaylie and I as she describes the impact and surprises of overcoming fears of discipline to create a daily movement practice while juggling an inconsistent entertainment career and living in a tiny home in the woods!


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[01:20] Valerie: Kaylie! Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited that we are talking together today. It is also just really lovely to see your face. How are you? 


Kaylie: I'm well. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm doing really well. I'm, I feel like I'm thriving. And yeah, I'm super happy to be invited to share after all these years of following you and following what you're doing. So thanks. 

Valerie: I have like tears in my eyes because I remember when we met at Moon course in San Marcos and it was such a unique experience and such a memorable experience and I still look back and I have this book that I share with people, and they still look back and all the things you wrote in the book and I know because you wrote in this orange marker.


So whenever I read it, I always, always, always see what you wrote. And so it's really lovely that we've been able to stay connected for all these years now. It's so amazing. So yeah, welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to creating some of the healthy habits that you're currently committed to. 


Kaylie: Yeah, so I am a circus artist entertainer for my job. I'm a freelance artist to all you Yeah, my schedule changes a lot. I'll work for different companies on different contracts ranging from one day to three months long and so yeah, so that's what I do for work. I live in the woods when I'm not performing and I have Yeah, just this lovely, off grid, small, tiny house in the woods that, like nourishes me so much.

And yeah, and I don't know, like, I'm amazed that I was able to create healthy habits to be honest, because for the longest time, like most of my 20s I was this go with the flow, like I'm just gonna do what I feel like doing. I'm gonna sleep in every day that I can and you know, discipline is like an evil word. And I'm just this free spirit, you know, and I know you relate to that and you're just saying similar things.

[03:57] Yeah, so yeah, I guess I don't really know when it happened, actually. I think it was just before (0V!D started I, for so many years. I'm like, I want to, you know, be more physically flexible. Oh, I want to meditate. I want these things but I never wanted to put the time and effort in and then I not sure really what happened maybe I just like matured a bit but all of a sudden it I saw the like freedom in the discipline and the IP like got joy from waking up early and doing these things that were healthy for me. And yeah, and I'm just so grateful that I had that shift in perspective because, yeah, it's helped me.

You know, grow and be more healthy as a person and also grow in my job and just be more well rounded and happy.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that for you. It's so funny that you are saying all these things because when I met you that's literally what we're talking about is like, over free spirits. Oh, we wander the earth and we figure it out as we go.

There's so much beauty in that but there's also a scarcity that can creep up with you and like the uncertainty can be quite jarring as we all have experienced collectively now.

But I giggle when you're like discipline, a bad word. I totally agree. Well, I did. I agree at what point things have changed a little bit since then. But what is really amazing to me is how I've met this person who is this complete, free spirit, you know goes against the structure and the shirts and the to do list and the checklist and all those things. And then you signed up for a workshop that I did about healthy habits and you signed up for the I don't know if she knows what this is about.

You did , you knew exactly what you're signing up for. Yeah. And it was really cool to see if it was the maturity or the change of heart and especially to someone who not only are you someone who originally believed that discipline couldn't give you the freedom that it has allowed you now but also the fact that your schedule is always changing. like there's so many inconsistencies just naturally occurring in your life. I mean, you live in the forest. I know we've talked about this in the winter, you didn't have power, For example, like yeah, what has helped you through those types of inconsistencies? If you have habits, or sorry, I didn't even ask what happened, did you build, and then how did you stay consistent with it?

Kaylie: Yeah, um, so my, the first habits that I built was movement, right? Like as soon as I woke up, I would do movement, and sometimes that would be yoga. Sometimes I would be dancing. Sometimes it would just be like intuitive movement. And then I would usually follow that up with some meditative seated meditation.

And I just started and then didn't stop, you know, I didn't have a goal. I didn't have like, oh, I want to do this for 10 days or 30 days. I just was like, I'm gonna do it today. And then, you know, a year and a half later, I'm still doing it.

And that's Yeah, that's really nice. And wait, you had another question? What was the other question? 

Valerie: Yeah. So I know that you started your movement habit, which is incredible because it's so much more effort. I think those physical habits can be so much more effort mentally, physically, emotionally. But how is it that you are able to stay so consistent with that daily movement with things like schedule changes or just you are moving and how you live in the woods and there's things that come up that, you know, they might not come up where I live in a townhouse.

Like how did you deal with all those different changes and inconsistencies? 

Kaylie: Yeah, to be honest, it's hard. It is like I really notice how my outer world influences my inner world and vice versa. Like, if I'm not waking up in my own space, how it is harder for me to to find the time or if you know if I was awake way later than I wanted to be because of because I was performing Then in the mornings I'm so much more sluggish and I'm not, you know, super interested in moving.

But I guess I'd really, I'd be like, splurged and bought myself a really nice yoga mat and was like, I'm just gonna carry this everywhere and it doesn't matter if I'm not in my own space because like this yoga mat is my space. You know, as long as they have room to put it down like this is the home that I need for my morning. Practice. Even though it's tricky, and you know, I'm not perfect. I know I don't do it every single morning but I really try to simplify my routine so that it is the most accessible when things around me may not be ideal. I can still access this just simple, just have my yoga mat and prioritize myself.

[09:47] Valerie: That's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like the sacred that's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like this sacred space for you. And it's such a great idea. And you're right. It's so simple. Like I want to do chef's kiss like I'm perfect.

​Because you can take that anywhere with you and I think that's something that people forget often is that you have to be in the same space at the same time on the same day. And it has to be the same pencil that I write with or the same soap that I use or whatever it is. And although those types of things can help us automate what we're doing, it can also be really helpful to have a few consistencies when things are inconsistent. So whether you're traveling or working somewhere else, or your schedule changes, absolutely I think anyone can do that. 

Kaylie: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I also find that spending money on something is like a huge motivator. so I'm like, okay, if I bought myself a nice yoga mat, like I gotta use it now.

Valerie: Yeah, exactly. And I think knowing that about yourself will help you in the future because it's like, Okay, I'm ready to invest. Financially, which is now I'm also energetically ready to invest or I'm all also energetically ready to exchange things. Yes. For what you want. Yeah. Well, this might have this might be the answer to my next question, but what was something that really surprised you when you started working on your daily movement practice? 

Kaylie: Mm hmm. I had, I feel like I had a few surprises. Like, initially, my surprise was how easy it was. You know, it's like I built it up to be this really difficult, impossible thing in my head. And then, when I was doing it, I was like, wow, it's actually so simple and so easy.

ot every day necessarily, but once I got consistent, I was like, wow, it's yeah, it just like it flowed so much easier than I think I expected it to in a way and I've noticed this with other habits that I've adopted since like, when I'm primed and when I've set myself up for success. Success comes easily, you know, it's not it's not this huge struggle that I need to keep fighting for which sometimes it is, but overall, I'd say the habits that I'm most ready for will come super easily. And so that initially was a big surprise for me because yeah, I just had this idea about myself that I couldn't be disciplined but once they kind of, I guess, change that thought about myself, then, you know, my actions changed.

So that was yeah, that was one big surprise.

Another one was, I guess, yes, kind of what I touched on before realizing how my space around me affected my internal space and vice versa. And so I think it made me more aware of what's, you know, what I do let around me, you know, do I go to bed with a big clutter in my room that I'm going to wake up to tomorrow? or do I tidy up right now so that I can wake up to a nicer space and you know, and just be that much in a better space in the morning?

As just one example. But yes, that that really kind of was something I didn't expect to learn or to become aware of just that much more aware of?

[13:40] Valerie: Totally. It's so interesting, because I really I really felt the words that you said which was, you didn't think you'd be someone who would be disciplined then later you're talking about how easy the daily movement was and how things just flowed? And it's so common because I get I can totally relate to this and how we think like discipline structure, it has to be this it has to be that when really it's, it's this beautiful, kind of like, polarity, but it works in unison of like things will flow with the right discipline and then you also said, priming yourself and setting yourself up for success. is one of those is one of those things, like clearing your space and setting yourself up for the day before like what are some examples you have to set yourself up for success with your habits? 

Kaylie: Yeah, I actually learned a lot about this from you. And, yeah, so I'm super grateful. But yeah, like I mentioned, you know, tidying my space, setting up my yoga mat if, if that's what I feel will, you know, will help me fill my water. glass full of water because I love drinking water in the morning. Setting out clothes if I know, sometimes I like to wake up and go outside or go you know, outdoors and so I'll yeah, I'll prepare what I'm wearing. Yeah, those are just really small things that kind of add up to be that much more helpful in the morning.

Valerie: Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, like, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Kaylie: Yeah, well, I think one thing that comes to mind initially like instantly is that it helped in my relationships with other people.

You know, I would be in a better mood after after moving and meditating and I think my you know, my partner, my homies they were see what I'm doing and it would kind of give them permission as well to take that time to Yeah, to invest in themselves first thing in the morning or any time of day, really. And so it would just like kind of everyone would be in better moods and more intuitive themselves and I found Yeah, I found that really helped with my with my relationships, which was another surprise for me you know, that's not something I necessarily expected or it wasn't a goal for me, but it's very welcomed outcome.

Yeah, and then just, I think, well, you've touched on habit stacking as well. Something I learned from you and so, you know, just creating that one goal, or that one habit, sorry.

I felt like it impacted me like creating a second or third or fourth just became that much easier. And I felt like oh, you know, I can do this. And so yeah, there was a while I had like, five or six daily habits.

And like everything, it fluctuates, so now I have a bit, a bit less but you know, just to feel like oh, I can do this.

And it just was a competence booster. Yeah, so it's just overall like a super positive impact.

Valerie: I love to hear that. I get goosebumps when people share that like their partner or their husbands, like you said, start to recognize this for themselves. And I think that it's so powerful because we really don't realize who's watching us. We don't really realize the impact that we're making all the time. I know you and I talked about this before, in how it's nice to have a service to help compliments from some people who maybe don't see them every day or just nice to receive compliments in general, because you're like, oh, yeah, I didn't realize that. That's how I showed up or that's how I made me feel like thank you for letting me know that I've helped you in this way.

Yeah, that's so cool. And it's so beautiful, again, like I've always talked about exchanging energy but it is such a beautiful exchange of energy to say like, Hey, I'm doing this for me. This is permission for you to also do things for you and collect to make a better pair a better relationship a better community.

[19:15] Kaylie: I really Yes. Not selfish, putting yourself first is not selfish. Which is huge. I need it written across my forehead.

Valerie: Oh my god, we all do.

Kaylie: Well the chair I was sitting on just broke.

Valerie: Oh gosh, I was wondering where you went, are you okay?

Kaylie: Yeah, it’s a little kid’s stool. So it serves me right.

Valerie: I love it. Just breaking through the barriers! Alright my dear, my last question for you is, for someone who’s interested in starting a new habit, what advice would you give them?

Kaylie: Well, first advice would be to follow out and listen to all her advice because she's amazing. And knows all the good things. 

And then I would also say, take small steps. You know, it doesn't mean you don't have to commit to something huge. It can be simple. It can be bite sized changes.

I think that one thing that helps me create my habit is that I didn't overwhelm myself with a big goal. I was just like, Oh, I'm gonna do this today. ANd oh, it sounds good. So yeah, so I think take small steps and take time afterwards to see how you feel about it.

You know, it's great to do a positive activity, but if you're not really acknowledging the good feelings that it brings you. It can easily kind of get forgotten or swept aside. So like, take a moment and just recognize how you feel after Yeah, and how, how it shifted your energy doing this. This healthy habit, whatever that healthy habit is created. 

[21:21] Valerie: And it's so great to do the small steps because it really especially when you are looking back on it, you are tapping into how you're feeling and the impact it is making on yourself. It's like you're not only gaining like, Oh, you're more flexible and I'm more physically fit because this was a habit. But I'm also more confident in myself and in my own growth and in the things that I want to achieve and in the bigger goals that I do want to create or think about or dream about. And I know I have said this to you personally, but it really is beautiful to see your growth from when we met to when we work together on your habits to now to and to continue to see this growth and that's like a really beautiful, soulful connection to I was telling Kelly before we were recording how your habits are so you and they're not because of anyone else and they're what you want and what facility you and you bring and I can see it I can see how much joy they bring me because it's like you've decided that this is for you. And that's such a strong foundation to continue to stack your habits. So thank you again so much for being on the show. This has been an amazing conversation and I'm so excited to see more. 

Kaylie: Thank you so much Vall, I know we don't get to see each other much at all in person but I really appreciate your online presence and all the positive impact on my life. So thank you so much.

Well there you have it! Prioritizing yourself is not selfish, but just the opposite! It inspires the people around you to prioritize their own self care and supportive routines. Our habits can be a lot easier than we make them out to be. If you’re struggling to create a healthy habit and are looking for valuable support and meaningful transformation, visit VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/MENTORSHIP to get started.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E187: June 2022 Alignment Report
 
 

E187: June 2022 Alignment Report

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially…


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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne – It is SO GREAT to have you here today!

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially.

[00:49] Something I do at the beginning of every month is what I call an Accountability Meeting. You can get a behind the scenes look at this in episode 132.

Okay, back to the Accountability Meeting. This is a meeting I have with myself where I go through the previous month and track certain things in my business. I also use this time to set goals for the upcoming month. I’ve been doing this for YEARS and the ritual has evolved a little over time, which is great because my business has also evolved over the years.

I’ve recently started changing a few things in my accountability meeting, and I’ve adapted these new changes from a dear friend of mine, Chantelle. Chantelle is an Educator for Entrepreneurs and has a podcast called Aligned Action – I’ll link to her website + podcast.

Chantelle has not only been a great business bestie of mine, but we’ve also worked together on several projects including my website and branding, my pilates studio’s website, and hosting each other on the podcasts.

I enjoy her well-thought-out podcast episodes, and usually listen to them while I’m out for a “Hot Girl Walk” – which side note can we change this trend to “Healthy Girl” putting it out there!!

Anyway, on Chantelle’s podcast she has a series you could call it, which is a monthly Alignment Report. It’s super similar to my monthly accountability meeting and I’ve recently adapted her alignment report as part of my monthly meeting.

Chantelle goes over:

What felt in alignment?

What didn’t feel in alignment?

And meaningful actions she took that month.

My adaptation is:

What felt good + how can I experience more of this?

What didn’t feel good + how can I improve or adjust this moving forward?

What actions did I take to stretch myself out of my comfort zone + any specific meaningful actions?

Okay so it’s super similar LOL but I do have some other parts of my meeting that are different from these questions.

I really do enjoy this Alignment Report, so as a way of shamelessly promoting my friend (who isn’t an official sponsor btw), and also taking you behind the scenes into my business and life, I am sharing my June Alignment Report with you!

Here we go!

[03:38] THE GOOD

Let’s start with the good:

I started the month with a really cool Funnels workshop and it wasn’t what I expected at all. It wasn’t your usual webinar with a step-by-step formula, but instead a model that allowed for customization and intimacy with your customers for a more organic customer experience. I’m really excited to implement more of this into my own business – coming soon.

At the beginning of the month I also blocked off an entire day just for “ME!” I got my hair done, my nails done, and made reservations at a local Mexican restaurant with THE BEST SPICY MARGARITAS in town! I really enjoyed this day and it felt very in alignment and also gave me such great energy and high vibes for the month.

This was my first month on TikTok – follow me @vallavignelife – and I intended to post once a day, which was going great for like 9 days and then… woomp/woomp I’ll talk more about that later. HOWEVER in alignment was that I threw myself out there and had fun and the feedback has been awesome! Reworking my strategy for this for sure!

One of the new members of the Healthy Habit Membership and I had a 1:1 call this month and it was a follow up call from the month before. She’s been implementing a new evening routine to help her have more meaningful and supportive mornings. I really want to share something that has been working really well for her with this new routine is actually that she has TWO different evening and morning routines because she works two very different jobs.

We kept it very simple with evening routine A and evening routine B, for job A and job B. With an easy-to follow outline or checklist of things she chose to include in each of the routines. It might sound like a lot for starting a new habit, but she was already incorporating these things into her routines, what she lacked was consistency. 

To help her she printed off one of my basic trackers and wrote out the two different evening and morning routines on the back and made any notes inside the tracker on the front. We did this together. I know it’s simple, but sometimes these super simple actions don’t get done BECAUSE they’re so easy and we think we’re going to get to them later.

A month after our call, she had gotten into a great flow of morning routines, and we made some tweaks to the evening routine. From implementing this evening routine, we actually discovered that it would be more helpful if we made this her “PM” routine and she did the tasks right after work for a smoother transition into a more relaxing evening. So far it’s going really well for her!

I blocked out more time than usual for social events and dates with friends this month which felt really amazing. I was able to say YES to invitations like being a part of my friend Tasha’s photoshoot for her new meditation studio!

I also won a Fascia Stretch Therapy session at my gym and it was so wonderful and I definitely need more of this in my life.

The last thing that felt really great for me, and in alignment was getting back into sending out a weekly email, but this time doing it SOOOOO differently. Before I was batching the emails and they were boring and about each podcast episode – but like teasers of them. Anyways BLAH that’s boring hahaha

So now they’re fun and I write them within 72 hours of sending it so it’s more real-time, real-emotions sort of deal. I also have a new section to the email called “Keepin’ it Fresh!” This will be a little different each week with links to funny videos, cool finds, or items to shop. I’ve been collecting links and adding them to my notes app so I have a relevant library when I sit down to write the email.

All of these things were “HELL YES!” for me this month and I’m super grateful for them.


[10:30] THE BAD

Now… the not so great or aligned parts of my business and life.

This month was a real kick in the ass when it came to creativity. Oh My LANTA! I really struggled with producing content or cool ideas – nothing really excited me and I just really didn’t like that feeling. It took me some time, but I realized that I wasn’t actually “doing nothing,” but rather in a phase of YIN + receptivity. When I came to this realization and fully allowed myself to surrender it was like a veil had been lifted and I was able to connect a bit deeper to my creativity. But I REALLY had to let go – which was super challenging for me because I have a lot of type-A tendencies. If you haven’t already listened to last week’s episode called Flow Over Force, I talked a lot about this and how to shift into more of a flow state, even when you aren’t feeling so motivated to take action. 

This month on TikTok was really the beginning of an experiment, and if I’m being 100 percent honest I had no idea what I was doing and I was super scared because I heard a lot about bullies on TikTok LOL

So far I haven’t had any interactions with trolls, but I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I think the reason why this feels out of alignment is because:

  1. The app isn’t about aesthetics – and if you’ve been on my instagram you know I’m about this and it’s one of the things I love about instagram (@vallavignelife) 

  2. I haven’t been feeling that creative zhuzh + desire to take action so it’s really a combination of these things

In terms of changing things up and making improvements though: I’ve been doing a lot of “research” to see what the eff is going on over on the app and how I feel most comfortable showing up – I have some ideas and have been feeling more excited about them and about acting on them.

This month my boyfriend Craig and I were supposed to go camping. We took time off work, bought some new camping gear, packed for a two night adventure with lots of backcountry hiking, and we started driving to our destination. About half way through the drive (1.5 hours on the road) we checked the weather since it was touch and go thunderstorms and saw that it was going to start raining the moment we arrived and not really stop until we were scheduled to drive back home.

UUGGGH. Camping is already a challenge for us, but camping in the rain is pretty miserable. As much as it sucked to turn around and drive back home, we made the 3 days off worthwhile with some local hikes, sleeping in (in our comfy/warm/dry bed), and spending quality time together. The reason why I’m putting this in my not-aligned category is because I was secretly manifesting not doing it because I am not in as great of shape as I was last year when we did this hike - or the couple years before that when I also did a lot of intense hiking with a heavy pack. 

What’s even more tough for me to admit is that this wasn’t the last time this month that I was feeling anxious about something and was crossing my fingers that the rain would postpone and truth be told… this is NOT like me. Yes I get nervous, but I do NOT back out of things.

I am realizing that my lack of creativity and motivation has been trickling into other areas of my life and not in a positive way. It wasn’t until I really ALLOWED myself to be open and to receive and recognize that I was in a YIN state that I felt “safe” and “okay.” I was mostly experiencing guilt and shame.

The other event was a huge outdoor pilates class that I taught last year. Yes, last year I had butterflies in my tummy and there were 120 people there last year – but this year… This year I was super nervous and secretly not wanting to teach. It’s difficult for me to explain why, because I’m not really sure why – other than what I mentioned before and the lack of motivation.

HOWEVER I did teach the class, and it was really incredible, which actually leads me into the final section of this alignment report: 

[21:20] THE MEANINGFUL

The meaningful actions out of my comfort zone.

  1. Posting videos on TIkTok despite my untrue fears of online bullies

  2. Teaching an outdoor pilates class to around 80 people and feeling totally in my zone of genius while doing it + it reminded me how much I love pilates + love sharing it with people 

  3. Visiting a new pilates studio out of town to try out a new teacher and space. I think this makes me a better teacher and studio owner 

  4. Connecting to my gut-response. I’ve been asking myself “yes or no questions” and tapping into the gut instinct to make decisions. I’ve been using this strategy in as many areas of my business and life as possible – and it actually led me to creating this particular podcast episode, among other aligned opportunities!

  5. I started working with my business coach and our second call is later today but so far it’s been amazing and I’m excited to see what will transpire!

  6. Letting go of the need to take action and totally being in my feminine/receptive/yin phase and consciously allowing invitations and opportunities into my life!

Well I hope you liked this new podcast episode and I guess it was also a bit of a behind the scenes into my business and life. Let me know what you thought of this episode by screenshotting the show + tagging me on instagram @vallavignelife or you can simply DM me there – a few more of the listeners have been connecting with me and I have to say I really LOVE IT!

If you aren’t yet on my email list and you want to be, you can download the Habit Tracker and/or Dream Life Roadmap some of my freebies that also get you access to my weekly email full of bonus goodies!

Share with me what felt good, bad, and meaningful for you this month, I’d love to hear it! Meet you here next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E186: Flow Over Force
 
 

E186: Flow Over Force

There is magic in action… AND there is magic in in-action. It’s not about forcing ourselves through different energetic phases of our journey, but rather flowing through them…


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[00:29] Hello there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne.

If you’re new to the show, welcome! If you’ve been here with me for a while, thank you so much for joining me on this incredible journey of empowering women in their health, wealth, and happiness to live deeply meaningful lives.

And if you didn’t already know this, I have an intention for each episode in this podcast and this intention is to leave you feeling inspired to TAKE ACTION!

As a Healthy Habit Mentor I understand the importance of being in action and repetition to build better habits, routines, and rituals. It’s not about doing the habit one time, it’s about consistency and commitment, over and over again.

Very recently though I found myself in a stuck spot. I have been feeling creatively blocked, uninspired, unmotivated. I have been lacking excitement – and even when there is something I do feel excited about, the feelings are fleeting. 

[01:36] This lack of creativity was coupled with feelings of doubt, shame, and discomfort. It is very unusual and uncomfortable for me to feel this way. Many people know me to be creative! And energetically I have just wanted to do “nothing.”

My first thought was, “what can I do to shake up this stale energy?”

I tried moving my body at the gym, pilates, going for walks in nature, jumping around, dancing in the kitchen. All of those things were so fun and so great – but didn’t make me feel creative.

I tried connecting to the colour orange. The colour of our creative sacral energy centre. I ate orange foods, wore orange clothes, wrote with an orange pen… still not feeling super creative.

I tried writing, reading, pulling tarot and oracle cards, journal prompts, personality quizzes, flipping through magazines and after ALL THAT, still feeling pretty BLAH.

Hence the shame, the doubt, and this discomfort. 

If you receive and read my weekly emails, you would have read a little bit about this last week when I sent an email about feeling BLAH and how I hesitated to send it. I have type A tendencies and strong masculin energy, and those parts of me really wanted to push through this stuck spot.

But, as all of us do, I also have a feminine side to my energy. This side whispers “slow down, surrender, be present, be still.”

This was met with resistance. But in my email last week I shared that I was lying on the floor of my office, staring up at the beautiful big leaves of my Bird of Paradise plant. I’ve had this plant for several months and it is growing so big! As I was staring at the leaves I was really in touch with the lesson of allowing, of being. This plant was teaching me in the moment to exist without force and without action.

I wrote in my email that I still believe there is magic in action. There truly is so much growth and abundance and lessons through taking action.

And at this phase of my journey, I am learning how there is magic in in-action too. There is beauty in being. 

After vulnerably hitting send on the email last week, I also felt a sense of relief from sharing an honest truth. I decide to let go for the rest of the day and surrender my need to take action and just allow myself to open up and to receive.

Later that afternoon I had a call with my business coach and she led me through a meditation. In the meditation she asked me what shape I was. In my mind I saw a circle. It was the outline of the circle and it was a very thin line. I saw the circle as one continuous line, to me, a sign of limitlessness. Then this circle started to bend, it birthed a second identical circle. 

The two circles represented masculine and feminine. They connected to each other and shapeshifted again creating an infinity sign. I saw energy moving through this infinity sign, as if I was watching a birds-eye-view of a race car moving around a track – a never-ending flow. Like electricity in a current.

[05:21] The shape represented me, and I could see that my energy was currently moving through the feminine side. I am in the receiving phase vs the giving phase. I am being rather than doing.

It was a beautiful visual and I believe that because I let go of force, and chose to FLOW I was able to receive this creative download; this beautiful shapeshifting circle. 

After my coaching call I taught pilates classes – this feels more like a doing/giving mode, however I really enjoy being around my community and it also is being/receiving. The last class I teach is a Candlelit Slow Stretch and I brought an oracle card deck and pulled a card for each person in the class – including myself.

Guess what card I pulled!? “YIN” and let me read to you what the write-up says because I totally freaked out!

The essential meaning: the feminine principle of receptivity; letting someone else make the first move; gathering information and taking in cues; the art of conscious allowing. 

The oracle’s message; this is a time of calculated receptivity as you gracefully await what is coming to you, ready to accept it when it appears. Yin does not involve frozen dreams or even resting, but rather consciously allowing things to flow to you, poised to receive the bounty that will be made available to you. It implies sensitivity as you alertly study the actions of others and contemplate how they will affect you and yours. Remember you must make space for miracles to appear. Be the “shape” not the “shaper” and you’ll see how quickly your dreams manifest.

Are you hearing this!? First of all the YIN/feminine energy. Yin IS receiving and it is the balance from yang which is doing. I moved from forcing to consciously allowing flow, and then it says “be the shape, not the shaper” LIKE HOW CRAZY IS THAT!? I am totally still freaking out about this. 

WISDOM OF THE ORACLE CARDS

[08:29] Which is actually a great sign that I’m excited about something again and it isn’t a fleeting feeling.

Also, on the way home from work I received a call from my friend Tasha who was moved by my email and was frustrated for me – not because I was in a state of flow – but because she was like “Why is it that, women especially, are made to feel guilty because we’re not constantly busy or doing things?”

Which is a great question considering the feminine energy of yin is receiving. I recognize that feminine doesn’t only pertain to women, however innately we are born with both yin and yang energies and there is often a stronger connection to our feminine side as women.

All this to say, my intention for today’s episode is to share this personal story with you so that whether you are currently in a masculine or feminine flow, there is no guilt of being or doing; giving or receiving. 

[09:50] You can be in a creative flow of action, and you can also be in a creative flow of receiving. I am in the latter. 

This week I will be:

  • Tapping into my intuition more including which tasks I take on, how I teach my classes, and what foods I want to eat and when

  • Staying open to receiving invitations, compliments, gifts, aligned opportunities

  • Supporting quality sleep to recharge and receive dream messages

  • Allowing white space in my calendar for surprises, invitations, and miracles

My invitation to you is to ask yourself:

  • How am I feeling?

  • Do I feel in flow or in force?

  • What can I do, or not do, to be in flow?

  • What does being open to receive mean for me?

My mantra this week, if you also want to use it is: I am Open and Ready to Receive Aligned Gifts and Opportunities

Before you go: If you’re not already on the email list, download one of my freebies like the Habit Tracker Guide or the Dreamlife Road Map

I send out an email every Wednesday with some life updates, podcast extras, and some fun links/workshops/and sometimes videos I’ve stumbled upon and think you’d like too.

Have a wonderful week, and I’ll meet you here next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae
 
 

E185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae

Today on the podcast I am thrilled to introduce you to one of my healthy habit coaching clients Rae! Rae has blown me and the community members away with her outstanding commitment to building some game-changing habits. Here’s her inspiring story!


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[01:10] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am extra excited to be here today with one of our incredible healthy habit members, Ray Ray is has been so generous to give us her time today because believe this or not, we already have this conversation and I forgot to hit record. So we are doing this for the second time. and I feel like this is just going to be so much better that by the end of this conversation, we're going to be like, Yeah, we definitely needed this second to take.

So, thank you so much, again, I can't thank you enough for being here.

Let's kick things off with: tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to creating some of the healthy habits that you are committed to currently?

Rae Gibson: And thank you all for taking the time to talk to me again. I'm very happy to be here. And I agree. I think this can only go better the second time.

So a little bit about me. I am married and I have two young kids. I've got a two year old son who is super active. And I've got a six year old daughter who is basically six going on 16 So my personal life is pretty hectic. And then on top of that I've got a fairly demanding full time job. And how I came to create healthy habits. I guess. It's you know, it was kind of one of those I called it a happy accident. The first time we chatted, but you know, I think it was really kind of a sign from the universe more than anything else. Really tied. In my life I was just honestly feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling a little bit stuck kind of in a rut and just feeling like I wasn't fully in control. I knew I had to make some changes and then a friend of mine, a Reiki healer, Tasha Romanelli, was posting in her Instagram feed about doing this 21 Day Health feed about doing this 21 Day healthy habit challenge and I thought oh my goodness, the timing is absolutely perfect. And then I just thought it was funny because of course at least I bought it and started to learn more about it.

Oh funny because of course as I signed on and started to learn more about it, I realized it was you with Apple and I had already been going to exhale. So I used just it kind of felt like everything fell into place and I was doing exactly what I should be doing.

Episode 102: Choosing Courage Over Fear with Tasha Romaneli

[03:44] VL: I love that. I'm glad you said this time around that it was a little bit more of a serendipitous sign that we connected because it's true and I I laughed when Tasha said Oh yeah, my client rate is doing a challenge and I was like, oh yeah but I already met Rae at the studio already!

So I'm so glad that these worlds collided. I'm so glad that you found out about the challenge through Tasha and I'm so glad we've already been connecting because to me, that is one of those like you said signs from the universe. And it's also a confirmation that like yeah, I should be doing this or I hate saying should. Yeah, I need to be doing this. I guess this is the right timing for me to start something new. So with everything going on in your very busy very full life. What were some of the health habits that you have? Created and are still committed to you are working on today?

RG: Yeah, I need to be doing this. I guess this is the right time for me to start something new. So with everything going on in your very busy very full life. What were some of the health habits that you have? Created and are still committed to what you are working on today? Yeah, the very first one that I had set out that I had set out for was trying to create a daily meditation practice. And of course, you know a coordinate such as you know, outlined, not just the funny you started with the feeling word. And then with the practice, where I started at first with the practice on it. So the meditation and the feeling I wanted felt focused at present and you know, I was so successful with that one, it felt amazing. And, you know, it was one of those situations where success breeds success. So I tried to try to maintain that as best possible and then layered on a movement.

Healthy habit. which as you know, I started out as wanting to do 30 minutes every day with a goal of feeling more energized. And as we started getting into our coaching calls, I was having a really hard time like the meditation was a little bit easier because 10 minutes a day, so I could sneak it into my day. and even if I was having funding a challenge to do that. I was just getting amazing support from my family to help be part of that time. But then adding on another 30 minutes today was a bit of a challenge but when I spoke and he gave me this great advice to, you know, kind of alleviate that time constraint and focus more on just the idea of incorporating that into my daily routine. that that just made things so much easier and it evolved, you know, and it was fluid. There were spin classes Some days. It was a walk and other days it was yoga.

So I started I moved on from meditation to that and then the next. The next one I wanted to go to was this idea of feeling rested. So, again, I started with really focusing on it wasn't a feeling word. it was the practice it was you know, I'd set out seven and a half hours sleep minimum consistent bedtime routine, and it felt like the universe threw everything at me to try and stop me from accomplishing that healthy habit.

You know, I think it was gosh my son had a sleep regression. I had international travel thrown in, was there were other, other things that came in from a work perspective.

But then you and I again chatted, we talked about focusing more on the feeling word which was “rested.” And that was just this huge aha moment. and it really shifted my mindset. It gave me the ability to be more open in my approach to get really creative. So rather than focusing on those specific habits I said I wanted to accomplish, I was trying to find other ways throughout the day to get back to that feeling “rested.”

And then the next one - feels like I've accomplished a lot in the time - that we've been working together. but the next one again is I actually started with that feeling word and I stole it from you. But it was: VIBRANT. 

Initially the idea was eating better so adding more fruits and vegetables to my plate which you know when we talked about this idea of vibrant color comes to mind so you know adding color to my diet and then I don't know it extended into different areas of my life. The clothes that I was choosing for myself, you know, even if I was out looking for something for the house trying to add a bit more color, more vibrancy. So can that we've got like 1,2,3,4.. FOUR healthy habits that I have.

[08:25] VL: You have accomplished more than you realize! In a very short amount of time in five months. You have five daily habits. This is her sorry for daily habits. This is incredible. And you are consistent with each of them, which I think is really amazing.

So I do want to highlight that you didn't start all of these at once I want to reiterate that you added one on top of the other and for this month the reason why you don't have access one even though it's been the best month is because you recognize that you're really want to maintain what you're currently doing. And I think that's really important because I feel like there are times when you're like it's really important to celebrate our success and to maintain this competence. But there is a point where we do need to maybe take another lap around so to speak so that they're really solidified before adding in the next thing and I think what's so great about the habits you've chosen and the feeling words that you've connected to them and vice versa is that they are really different, right like the vibrancy like you said shows up in different ways. and I actually purposely wore this bright yellow shirt for you today.

But also what rest feels like you know, yes, you have meditation practices. Yes. You aim to go to bed at a certain time. But are there different times where you can you know, get horizontal in the middle of the day?

Or just take a few moments of mindfulness. And that's really the power and where the transformation comes is being able to be flexible with these things that still reach us to our bigger goal. So with all of the habits that you created and all of the obstacles that you've had to overcome. Let me know what for you was something that surprised you when you really started working on your habits, or seriously?

[10:23] RG: The biggest thing for me and you know that retrospective this should not have been a surprise at all, but it was what I call the butterfly effect of these what felt like small changes that I was making. 

In terms of my daily routine. You know, for example with meditation, yes, I accomplished feeling more focused and more presence. but it helped me to be able to deal with more challenging situations just by being more present, I should say.

But the other piece was, but the other piece was I actually inspired others with the action that I was taking. I mean, it was the literal inspiration of my six year old daughter who went out to meditate together every night before bedtime because she saw me doing it now. She doesn't even when she's looking to calm herself. She will, you know, do a mini meditation.

But then also because I was posting about my successes online it inspired a lot of people that I now call it. It's in France to ask me what it was I was doing and what I was doing and they were , you know, really impressed by that.

And then with the focus on being rested, I was watching less TV. I was working less at night, which was really nice. I was doing more reading which, you know, was actually one of the habits I wanted to get to eventually anyways, it's an earlier bedtime for the kids because I had to make sure I got them down so I had time to do my stuff and get myself to bed.

And of course I also had just so much more energy to be able to do all of the other habits that I was trying to work on as well. So yeah, it was really that butterfly effect. Then the other piece which I've kind of touched on already was just how monumental a change it made to focus on the feeling word versus the practice itself. it was just, it was so freeing, and again, it gave me that space and that ability to be creative in the approach to getting there.

[12:38] VL: I love that. I know we've talked about this before. Where was the 21 Day Challenge with how you started? There was really this interesting kind of observation that I was able to make because I was connecting with each other's challenge members. Was that for you? The 21 Day Challenge was an amazing success and you continue on and you continue to grow your current habit you stack an additional habit on top of that and then continues to grow. That as well. And I really feel like connecting to that feeling word for you was really the bridge of that gap between the people who stuck with the challenge versus dropped off the challenge versus continued with their habit after the 21 days, right. so really, really, like just blown away by your success blown away by everything that you've accomplished in such a short amount of time as I mentioned. So my next question for you is what greater impact did healthy habits have on maybe a different area of your life as you said this butterfly effect of how it's rippled into other things?

[13:51] RG: Yeah, of course. You know, I have definitely felt much more present for my family. I'm feeling energized and overall I just feel happier. And I would say I've had a very I would say I've had a very big improvement in terms of the overall well being and confidence as well. Those things extended into absolutely every aspect of my life, for sure.

[14:21] VL: Yeah, That's so incredible. I mean, it's it's one thing to have you feel the effects of the habits but then to have other people reach out to you, or seeing your cut your daughter has responded to that as well.

That's a priceless impact as a priceless benefit to the small changes that you were making in your day to day life right? Powerful.

RG: Especially with my daughter, you know, as a parent, I want to be able to positively impact them like one of my goals is to be able to raise you know, caring, compassionate and kind children and so of the actions that I am taking she's seeing and emulating. I couldn't ask for anything more.

[15:08] VL: What made these habits and work for you, what was it that made it most successful for you?

RG: Honestly, it was the support that I received. And you know that that started with yourself as the one who started the healthy habits and of course you know I signed up for the magazine, the coaching mentorship after that as well because I did find it to be so helpful and you were so inspiring.

There was also the support of the community during the initial healthy habits challenge and then the group afterwards as well. And not just, you know, I got so many likes and comments on what I was doing in terms of achievements, but also seeing what they were accomplishing as well was super inspiring. And then you know, I got such amazing support from my husband and from my family and it will ache sometimes trying to carve out those 10 Minutes for Meditation were a challenge I may have shared. We were away for a weekend. And so you know the four of us in a small hotel room and trying to find 10 minutes of you know privacy was difficult but you know, my husband kept the kids at bay while I would release that in the bathroom doing meditation. So it you know, the moral and ethical fiscal support of being in these healthy habits have been so great to hear. I love that. Not only did you get the support from the challenge itself, but also from your own family and your partner.

[16:38] VL: For someone who wants to start a new habit and is looking for that support. What would your best advice be for them to communicate that to their partner or approach that with their partner?

RG: I think it really is taking them on a journey with you, you know communicating to them about what it is you're doing, why you're doing it. What your what your goals are with it. I am continuing to communicate with them throughout so that you know they're sharing in your success and understanding what it's bringing to you and I have no doubt if you are going on this journey and you're successful with it. you're going to see the impact that it's having on you, but I think it's, it's really just about communicating and sharing.

VL: I like that you said that taking them on a journey with you because one I feel including that person is so important in building that partnership and building that relationship but also sharing your excitement with something and getting them excited about something. I love listening to people talk about something they love or are excited about even if I have no idea what they're talking about. I love being around those people who are excited for life or first of all things like that's so that's such a great energy to be around. and that's such a great energy to share with someone and I think too, it gives them an opportunity or it gives them permission to share more with you or to create their own coffee habit and patterns and routines. so that's really lovely. I love that advice.

Okay, my last question for you today is for someone who is interested in starting a new habit, what advice would you give them?

[18:30] RG: Obviously they should work with you! But in addition to that, I think to start with something realistic and achievable. You know, if I had jumped in with feeling rested, I probably would have failed right off the bat. Starting with something like 10 minutes of meditation a day it was so great, because I was able to accomplish it. And for me, I really felt I love this idea of success breeds success. It was easier for me to layer on more habits because I felt accomplished. I felt like I could really do it. So I think starting with something that's realistic for you is important.

But also to that point being kind and giving yourself grace. You know, during that me tried to build that healthy habit of feeling more rested. I could have given up but I was kind to myself to recognize that you know, maybe maybe I was important to be successful every day and sometimes that was through no fault of my own and external forces.

But the next day was a new day so I could start fresh and you know get a little bit creative to be content, don't give up.

[19:55] VL: I love that. But success breeds success. It's true because I often talked about this in some of our coaching calls. It's like what's a team and a habit that you can check the box off for, like right after this call or let's do it right now together. What can we do just to get that win for the day and then it builds and it builds and when you have that confidence and you have that success, what you've what you've qualified for success, you then can have better consistency and you start to show up more because you're not only getting the check mark you're getting the benefits of that habit of meditation has an enormous list of benefits to it right and to have to see that butterfly effect to see how that ripples and to everyone around you is is truly the reward right is the impact that you're making. So we will say this conversation is pretty amazing. Both of them are amazing. This one was more amazing, and it's only one I have evidence of. So thank you so much again for your time for sharing your experience with us. You are such an inspiration and I'm really excited to be able to share this with our community. I can't wait to see what habits you're building next to can't wait to see where your impact spreads to next or ripples into next with your butterfly effect and, yeah, I, I'm just very grateful for you and I want to make sure that you knew that. 

RG: Thank you so much Val I am grateful for you as well. Thank you.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali
 
 

E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali

Sharana is a divorcee by choice and single mother to a strong willed, confident, firecracker who she knows will one day change the world. For Sharana’s entire life, she followed the rules and played society's game to 'success' only to realize at 29 she was miserable. She felt empty and a little bored that 'this was all there was to life'. Having her daughter was the kick in the pants she needed to make huge life changes, and really start to live the life she wanted. Through this process BOSS was created; a collective built around Brunch Opportunities and a Support System. Sharana found quite often, there wasn't a space that she could show up and just be herself without shame or embarrassment - she wanted a fresh start, so she created it. 


Through BOSS Sharana encourages folks to turn taboo topics into table talk and show them through her example, what it looks like to redefine happiness, love and success. 


It was only through choosing separation, being a single mom and creating a space that felt like home did she realize her potential and power.


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Valerie LaVigne: Hey, Sharana, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here today. And I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner, but whatever. The world works in mysterious ways. So, welcome to the podcast. I'd love for you to Yeah, I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're at in your journey currently and how you got here.

[02:12] Sharana Ali: Yeah, it's so interesting and it actually feeds into my journey so accurately and so well, first of all, my name is Shanna. And I'm the owner, founder and face of a company called boss the sixth edition. And boss is an acronym for brunch opportunities in a support system and the entire mandate. What I stand for behind BOSS is bringing taboo topics to the table. And what I mean by that is the things you just unfortunately can't turn to a sibling about or parents about or your close friends. Because the reality is they know the backstory and they come with their own sort of suspicions and intuitions and you kind of just want a fresh pair of eyes for the first 30 years. That's why I created BOSS to have those conversations that may trigger fear or anxiety or worry in other circles. This is the circle before it. Interestingly enough, Valerie you and I met at such a pivotal time in my life. Because I was never like this. I was never the one to pick up on who I was when we first met. That is I remember actually sitting in that room. And we had to introduce ourselves. I don't know if you remember this, but we had to introduce ourselves and I was newly separated at that time like brand spanking new and I remember saying like, “Hi everyone I'm Sharana and recently separated.” And I remember my ear, my eyes peering around the room to see if anybody was judging me. The reality is no one gave a crap at all. They were like, “Okay, hi.” But to me, I was like, holy moly. I'm showing up broken and these people are like, I don't care, right, like you're here. It's so funny. 

And now, you know, two or maybe even three years later, I feel like I've come full circle because even in those moments of potential brokenness, and I intentionally use what potential I'm so for now, I feel so all because I was once broken. So that is a little bit of my story. Yes, I'm a divorcee by choice. I'm a single mom and a business owner. 

I work in the Ontario government, and literally all that in a bag. I am really kind of seeking global domination within my own way, right. And I think that's also part of the boss world. Like I am really encouraging folks to define what success looks like and feels like for them. It's not always, you know, having a crazy amount of money in this big house and this fancy car it really is, you know, different for every person and I think along the journey of developing who I was and realizing my potential, I also can't just terms with the fact that like me, being successful is having flexibility and being happy and being able to you know, pick up my kid whenever I want to ensure you know, being able to go to university if she wants to without having to worry, it's not necessarily kind of the material.

But it took me time to get there because I was once a dreamer. That's that you know, ik like, yeah, I want to have a car. I want the white picket fence. I want you to know about the golden retriever in the yard but in my experience that unfortunately didn't lead to happiness and led to a lot of emptiness.

And now, I don't really care for the house. I don't care for the car like I do. What I do care for is you know, on weekends, I can take my kid on a picnic. We can, you know, travel if she wants to.

Yeah, but that shift is noticeable.

[05:44 ] VL: Wow, it sounds like you've gone through so many transitions and so many shifts and even since you've met which I think was I think like three years ago now that's crazy.

Even then to see you grow in all these different ways. I mean, you have so much going on, and it's really inspiring to watch all of it. And one of my questions is, what was that pivotal shift for you when it came to you stepping into who you are and your true self and finding that voice and being able to share yourself authentically. Like what was that shift for you to get there?

[06:21] SA: Yeah, there was a lot that came into play. When I would say for me, going through the process of getting a divorce was the thing that really just shot me forward. Like I had no choice but to stand strong in my beliefs and to believe in who I was because prior to that, I can't even say I knew who I was. I didn't really know what I stood for. I kinda was what I call society's success was like, you know, you go to school, you get married, you get the house for you, you have the family and then again, like I was saying we're supposed to guarantee happiness. And because there was a secret sauce to getting divorce and then finding happiness. 

I kind of had to forge it on my own. So standing strong in that is what really kind of goes with the entire process, I think, but also realizing that I and I hate to say this because it really is most important to have yourself. I knew though I have the pressure of little eyes watching and I didn't want her to see me living a life that wasn't should I never wanted to be the type of person or the type of mom or you know, answer to any of our friends even to say like, Hey, I want you to go for it. I want you to feel your dreams and I want you to live large. 

While I wasn't doing that, right? It really was that hard reality but if I want those around me to walk the walk, or you know to talk to talk, I also need to live and do exactly as I'm preaching. I think for me I really had to break and it was, you know, my divorce, becoming a single mom, navigating the potential of, you know, gossip or you know, people doubting my authenticity. It really was allowing myself to sit in there and self reflect on who I was and what I stood for that kind of put me on that trajectory upwards but once I was like, you know, I heard I've hit ground about buying I'm like, Yes, I'm divorced. Yes from a single mom.

 Yes. I have no idea what I'm doing. Now what are you going to say about me because you know what? I'm going to tell you first, like what I perceive as all through my phone before anybody else.

And then once I kind of owned that and realized that, hey, those depths I'm going to cover in my life.

That's where my power stems from. It's those moments where I have no choice but to arrive now. I think that's kind of what lit the fire under me more than anything else. Right? It's realizing that, hey, no one's gonna do this for you. Right? Like, you could have a great support system. You can have a great family, you could have amazing friends. You could have the entire world but ultimately, if you don't do it for yourself, no one's gonna do it. I mean, talk about a harsh reality but it really is. The case. Right? And I think we see it on so many different levels. You know, I'm gonna use a silly example here. If you want to read a book, I mean, sure you can get an audio book and have it read to you but it's so different when you pick up that book and read it right you have this a completely different experience. I think it's the same with light if you want certain things out of life.

Nobody that I know has ever had to do whatever they want on a silver platter, right. They've had the work and will ask the work in progress. It meant so much more to them so much more gratifying.

[10:10] VL: So true. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. And I think to like, especially if anyone's listening to someone who is new to their business or your journey in their life, like the beginning part of it, where it's like, oh, everyone makes it look so easy. It's like oh, no, no. Easy. Yeah. Well, there are times when Yeah, it's rewarding and yeah, it's worth it but oh my goodness gracious. Like the obstacles that we have to go through and climb and overcome. It's pretty. It's pretty incredible. So as you're stepping into this new power as you're finding your voice out, you're realizing like yes, I have a daughter who's looking up to me, but this is also I gotta show her that this is for me so that she has permission and you do this with your branches too as you're like, listen, we're all here together. We all found each other. We're here to cultivate this authenticity in ourselves. That's how it is with all the things you have going on, and yes, you have a lot of support as well, but how is it that you can kind of can you how have you cipher through that outside noise? Like how do you know where your intuition is, what your wants and needs are versus everything else and everyone else going on around you? How do you follow that? inner voice that inner knowing?

SA: It's hard like it is hard. Is it hard. There's no question. There's no golden key or you know, like a golden door that you walk through as they are right. I am healed. This is great. It really is trial and error. But it's trusting who you are through all of the emotions and emotions is trusting that you will be there for yourself when you're at your highest high and your lowest low and it's given to my brunches. One of the things that I often ask folks to consider is how they normalize luxury and how they normalize that and really what that looks like and what it feels like for them and the reason that I do that is because for me ultimately I want people to understand that you know, whatever it is because I whether it be success, whether it be a you know this luxurious life, however it's defined that ultimately comes back to them.

And through that, I think that's exactly exactly what it is. Right? It's it's allowing yourself to feel it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. It's you know, being able to look in the mirror and recognize who that person is. I heard someone say earlier this week actually through their their healing journey that no matter what they were able to look themselves in the mirror every morning and smile and I thought to myself like that's so interesting to me because I remember a time in my life where I would look in the mirror and have no idea who that person was staring back at me like I I just I mean I knew is me, but I I didn't I couldn't even recognize myself. And I think that that is the moment where so many of us need to kind of pull the band aid off and really analyze what is happening around them and what like what's in their world that is making them question who they are what work and it could be ourselves like I often find we're our own worst critic. But it really is it's tapping into yourself and trial and error like it's there's no one stop shop unfortunately, like it really is allowing yourself to make the space allowing yourself to jump and take risks, allowing yourself to know that even if you're not flying up to those risks that you're gonna catch yourself. and it takes a lot of trust and I keep using that word but it really does because at the end of the day as good as it sounds, I truly do believe nobody has your back by yourself. and that's not to say you can't trust people, you can't have good friends. But ultimately at the end of the night, you know, when you're sleeping or when you're in your thoughts. It's you, it's just you, right.

[14:12] VL: Mhmm So, I mean the trial and error is definitely accurate. 

You kind of It's like a It's a journey: self discovery. It's not like oh, I decided to meet this person today and I have done but if someone was in the beginning of this and they're thinking okay, like what kind of questions can they ask themselves? What kind of clues can they look for? What sort of feelings do they want to be connected to or maybe like ideas or thoughts that come up with what are we listening to, what are we what are we trying to follow here? Because obviously like trial and error, it's like okay, I did it now what, what's what's like the criteria that we're looking for? 

SA: One of the things that really helped me is I would actually mind map and I did this at the very, very beginning when I felt very lost, I would sit with that length and just write down any feeling that came to mind. And there it was a whole bunch of times.

And I feel like the more that I did that the more that I was able to express myself because verbally I could not do it. I did not have that courage or even know how to explain how it was fitting, but just writing it down really, really, really helped me to understand where my mind was.

Like, I think your body physically also sends you signals like if you if something comes your way and you get that tingling in your stomach, but to me that is your intuition saying like, hey, heads, and it could be heads up. This is something great that's about to happen or a heads up like just watch your path this may not be for you. I think it really is listening or tuning in to the signs your body gives you if your head is hurting after like, you know your job one day. If your body is saying,” Hey, listen to me!”. You know if you are exhausted at the end of the week, if you're one of those people that like to live for the weekend, because of your behavior Monday to Friday, that is your body saying like, hey, we made some changes here. Like there's something happening here. I remember even as I was like that, and it happens even to this day.

I've always had stomach issues to be honest with you like it's always been very weird. And I remember there would be days when I was going to like, particularly my divorce from my early days of single motherhood, where I would have absolutely no appetite and I love like I thrive on branching. If I can do anything for the rest of my life, I swear to you I would want to eat around the world and just write about it and share it and like to get people to get an overview like I love food so much. And I would go days without eating.

Just because I was like I'm not hungry, like I don't want to eat I have no appetite. And one day I remember my sugar level ended up dropping a painting. and I was like, this is literally my body was feeding me like shred I get your act together. you need to take care of me so that you can take care of everything.

It really and I mean these beggar view anybody listening to this to not let it get that drastic. But it is those little signs right. It's your eyes like if your eyes are feeling a little bit weary. Your heart is racing over something and your stomach is a little bit queasy if you're feeling little aches and pains, right. Those are physical signals. I mean mentally as well. If you're not sleeping at night, because your mind is racing.

You got to do some thinking there. Right? I mean, also emotionally if you're thinking of something persistent.

And you know you're extremely upset or really sad. That's also emotionally your body triggering you right to say like, Hey, we got we got to work through this together.

I think for me, those were the signs that I look for more than anything else. Right And and I think unfortunately, particularly in the culture that we live in physical symptoms and I hate to admit this but I think it is the reality physical symptoms unfortunately outweighed the emotional and mental symptoms that so many of us are feeling but I think you know yourself for right and even to tap into who that person is and try to remember a time where you were you the happiest or the most free and what I mean by that is like, before you had all these people that showed up, or you were like, I don't know, for instance, I'm just gonna use myself before I was a mom where I was, you know, a wife, or I was, you know, the owner of a business or I worked in the corporate world or, you know, just stripping away all those layers who I wasn't what I felt like before all of those things. 

To me, that is your core being and whatever it takes to get back to feeling that way. Because I think as you grow up, and there's responsibilities, I mean, we all can't just be carefree, you know, skipping around.

Really, but whatever it is that gets you back feeling that way. I think the most important thing is having an issue. Few opportunities that allow you even to get tapes of that feeling again. 

[19:27] VL: YYeah, I think I like noticing those physical feelings because sometimes they are kind of  “the loudest signs from our body.” And that's going to be both for good feelings and for bad feelings. 

Yeah, I like to follow the good feelings. And you know, notice and care or attend to those bad feelings. I was gonna say avoid, but I didn't mean avoid the bad feelings, but like avoid doing things that make you feel.

SA: I agree. And it's not. I like the fact that you said like, just sometimes the feelings that you get like it can be a little bit weary really it could be good new bank could be bad theories. But not too long ago, I decided in my mid 30s I would join the dating world again. Do not ask me why, but I did. And I remember talking to my best friend and I was going on a date and I said to her I'm like I am so nervous. Like my stomach is a mess. I have butterflies. Honestly, things that I would assume. Were telling me like, hey, heads up don't.

And she said to me, she's like, this is new to you. That's why your body is reacting. Maybe you haven't been in a situation for so long. It's not you know, these aren't red flags, if anything lean into that these are green flags because you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again, to just I think as you're processing those.

I don't want to call them symptoms but those like emotions, and those effects those physical effects. also analyze if they are trying to tell you something good or trying to tell you something bad and this sounds so wishy washy, but it really is like you said before a journey right? 

VL: It's a process, it really is learning about yourself. As you navigate the journey on travel, it's all about personal development and growth.

And sometimes to like when you don't know who you are or who you want to be. It's like okay, well, you're at this beautiful point in your life where you get to create that. You get your side like what do you what do you want to be how do you want to show up?

SA: Yeah. 

VL: This has been so great. I feel like it's a really great reminder.

SA: Yes.

VL: There's a little bit of tough love in there. But honestly, I also feel like there's some hope listening to this too, because it's like it's not always going to feel good. It's not always going to be easy, but there are ways that we can connect to the sensations that we're feeling and then go forward with the ones that we want to stick with. So thank you so much for all of that.

Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business?

SA: I live on Instagram. If you ever need anything I am a DM Oh way my handle is @bossthesixthedition. I'm always on Instagram. That's a great find about anything I'm up to wherever I am your snippets of my daughter. I'm very candid and that's exactly where I bring taboo topics to the table.



1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

So funny story and this. I'm not intentional about promoting but I am releasing a book in June and I'm going through the final manuscript right now. It is called Handing Hard Stuff Like a BOSS. That is my number one read. I'm also reading the Cat and Nat book called Mom Secrets. It's their second book. I love their first book. So I'm reading those. I just read one at a time.


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Whoa, empowerment to me is standing in your truth, whatever that looks like. It's standing in what you believe in. And I'm gonna be careful with this because I also think there are opportunities to grow in your truth. Like I'm not one of those people that like, are advocating for like standing wrong and strong like no be open to growth, but it really is standing strong and your core values in what you define or however you define being a good human being is that empowerment T and really advocating for others to do the exact same for themselves, even if it may not look the same as your definition of being a good human.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Oh, I have a really bad shopping habit. Or so that's a big one. I would call that like a political negative, positive habit that I have is people laugh at me or call me an old lady for this but like I go to bed really early like my 10 I am leaving I'm done like I but I need it. I need to sleep for that. I would say that's one of my positive habits. I'm like an early sleeper. I need my rest. And then like a quote unquote bad habits is like my shopping addiction. I love clothes. I have no shame about it. Like I'm all for reselling my clothes. I think it's all a healthy cycle. But yeah, I'm I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I'll admit it.

4. What are you currently working toward?

There's so much so I think North might be one of my short term goals is honestly to travel the world a little bit. More. It's always been something I've wanted to do. And honestly put off for numerous reasons.

I often considered traveling, especially solo traveling to be extremely selfish and that mindset has completely shifted. I think it is so enlightening when you're able to do that. For yourself. So short time to travel the world. I mean, I think long term, it's to make BOSS  my full time job and to really stand in what that serves. It's to be brunching all over the world. It's to be opening chapters globally, it's to be podcasting. Like this, continuing to write, you know, taking stages when the opportunity arises.

Yeah, I mean, I think for myself, even that long term goal, it's not as long like I'm thinking five years five years and I'm about to dance.

VL: I love all these things for you. Oh my goodness.

SA: This was so fun.

VL: And I'm so glad you're I love I love this conversation too. And I know we'll continue chats off air. 

But yes, thank you so much for being a part of the show. Thank you so much for being you and your authentic self and giving people permission to do that because that is super empowering. I love watching you. I love seeing you grow and I cannot wait to get my hands on your book and I need a signed copy of this

SA: Done. I love that so much. Thank you so much. You're doing amazing things like I'm in awe of you, but I also am not shocked. You've always kind of always had that presence. Even and I do actually remember that even meeting you. You know so many years ago you've always had that powerful presence so I'm not shocked but I also feel proud of the views just shot.

VL: thank you so much I love it!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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