E195: Social Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Four of The Science & The Spiritual Series

There is a lot that goes into creating habits, especially the more complex ones like social wellness habits! Here are ways to:

Cultivate Healthy Relationships,
Communicate Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas, and
Contribute to Your Community (Including Sharing Talents and Skills)…

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[00:29] Hi there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, this is your hostess with the mostess Valerie LaVigne and today we are continuing with our seven-part series all about incorporating habits in different areas of wellness!

Today features, part four: SOCIAL wellness.

If you’re new to the series, or to the podcast, welcome! My name is Valerie and I’m a certified Health Coach and Fitness instructor. My main focuses are with Healthy Habits and Pilates, although the podcast is more about the healthy habits side of my business, I do mention my pilates business once in a while! 

The women’s empowerment podcast is all about health, wealth, and happiness. This specific series covers the seven dimensions of health and wellness, which are: physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, and occupational. We break down one of the areas per episode and I’ve included scientific-based research as well as spiritual practices to implement the habits discussed in each episode. 

[01:34] If you haven’t listened to the other episodes in the series yet, don’t worry. They can be stand-alone episodes, however, each episode covers a separate science-based method. The science part of these episodes I find absolutely fascinating, and more importantly transferable for any type of habit you are creating!

For example, in episode one we talked about the power of understanding the science-based research of the benefits of your habits, as well as the research behind not doing the physical habits. This can be used for emotional, and social habits as well!

In episode two, I shared information all about four different brainwave patterns we experience through mindfulness, meditation, and sleep. These brainwaves aren’t just for emotional habits, but can also be helpful for creating physical, or intellectual habits.

And in episode three, I introduced the Habit Loop using self-directed neuroplasticity, and you guessed it! This can be supportive for building new environmental or occupational habits.

So technically, no you don’t HAVE to listen to every episode in the series, however I do recommend it, since the information is different for each one and can be used for any and all of your healthy habits!

[03:00] If you’re wondering what “Social Wellness” really means, “it refers to our ability to interact successfully in our global community and to live up to the expectations and demands of our personal roles. This means learning good communication skills, developing intimacy with others, and creating a support network of friends and family members. 

Social wellness includes showing respect for others and yourself. Contributing to your community and to the world builds a sense of belonging.” [source] 

Although there are many different ways to practice social wellness, I’ve chosen three examples that we will use in today’s episode:

1. Cultivating healthy relationships

2. Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

3. Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

Let’s break these down to better understand them. The first example: cultivating healthy relationships, can be seen in many different ways. If this is the habit you would like to work on, I suggest asking yourself: what does a healthy relationship look like/feel like/sound like to me? 

Personally, I aim to treat people the way that I would like to be treated. This, as a general guideline, makes cultivating my current relationships easier to navigate because I use myself as a measure. Then as the relationship deepens, and I understand the other person more, I can adjust or balance with their own needs working together to create that healthy relationship.

If you’re looking for something more specific in terms of the habit, choose one relationship you have currently (perhaps a romantic partner, a friend, a co-worker, a family member), and ideate what that specific relationship means to you. 

• Is it physical touch?

• Is it more quality time?

• Is it balanced communication?

• Is it clear boundaries?

Once you have that answer, you can work on a more specific actionable habit.

The second habit example for today is: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas. I am well aware that some people are naturally stronger at communicating these than others. And that doesn’t mean that this skill cannot be developed, it will just take some time and practice to build or strengthen this habit. 

As a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on this topic so I am excited to share some of my ah-ha moments and breakthroughs with you! In fact now that I’m talking about it, I feel like this is a great solo episode idea! 

If you want to specify this particular skill with certain habits, I recommend outlining where you feel most frustrated versus where you feel most satisfied. Where could you improve in this area? And where are you confident? This gives us a starting point, and it also shows us what strengths we currently have and can leverage. 

As an example, you may be a strong verbal communicator, but when it comes to writing out your ideas, thoughts or feelings, you freeze! We can create habits around using verbal and written communication together to improve.

The last habit example for today is: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills). I strongly believe that part of our human experience is to develop and share our personal talents and skills. Each and every one of us has a unique offer to give to the world. 

You may be listening and nodding along because you feel this deeply and may also know your own gifts. Or… perhaps your brow is furrowed and you haven’t aligned with your unique talent yet, and that is okay. If you resonate with the latter, and you’re looking at discovering your passion, I highly recommend listening to Episode 182 of this podcast as it can offer some valuable insights into achieving this clarity and connection to self!

Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

[07:17 ] The Science: Automation

Hopefully you’ve decided which social wellness habit to focus on. I recommend starting with ONE and you can stack, or build on to the first habit once it has been created. 

It’s important to mention, that just because you’ve decided to create a new habit or routine, doesn’t mean it becomes habitual immediately. It is our repeated actions that lead to habits.

And did you know that “various studies have shown that somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of what we do every day is the product of habit? That means that half of our lives [are] governed by what scientists term automaticity.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.153]

This includes actions from how we start our day, to how we interact with the world, and so much more in between! Anything you do without thinking is a result of habit, and is automatic. 

Since this is essentially how we conduct our lives, our habits largely determine our health, wealth and happiness! When we know how to change our habits, we are empowered to manage our days, and focus on behaviours that align us with the best versions of ourselves, and how we want to live our lives.

[08:37] The Science: The Habit Loop Recap

If you remember back to the last episode in the series Episode 192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked all about The Habit Loop.

As a recap, the habit loop has four components:

1. Cue: this is the trigger to your habit.

2. Craving: the urge or desire to motivate you

3. Response: engaging in the action, thought, or behaviour

4. Reward: the satisfying outcome you were craving

The “science” part of today’s episode builds on this habit loop. More specifically, we want to examine our bad social wellness habits and replace them with new healthy social habits. This is because, according to Dr. Elliot Berkman, director of the Social and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Oregon, “It’s much easier to start doing something new than to stop doing something habitual without a replacement behaviour.”

When we look at our examples, we can use the notes we made about what we want to improve, and what we already have going for us and begin to swap the negative or unhelpful habit with something better.

For example, cultivating healthy relationships:

Our romantic relationship lacks freshness and physical connection, and is strong in quality time together. Now we can use face-to-face quality time to bring in the “fresh” and “physical” parts of the relationship and connection we’re craving.

Or our second habit example: communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas:

We are excellent verbal communicators, and want to improve our writing. Besides joining a writer’s workshop, we could open up a dictation app like Otter, and speak our thoughts aloud as the app dictates it. Then we can edit the dictation, such as cleaning up the punctuation or creating more flow and turn it into a blog post for our community.

OTTER APP

And of course our last social habit example: contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills):

Again, re-listening to Episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success to build our connection to self and discover our passions.

[11:00] The Science: Breaking Bad Habits

Or getting in the habit of cultivating and strengthening our unique gifts and passions through practice and perseverance.

When it comes to breaking bad habits and the effort to do so, Dr. Thomas G. Plante, adjunct clinical professor for the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine, said, “It depends on how much you really want to break the habit. Many people are ambivalent. They want to lose weight, but they love the foods they eat. They want to reduce their alcohol consumption but love their happy hour. They want to stop picking their nails, but it reduces stress for them. So, one important issue is how strongly you really want to break the habit in question. Second, how established is the problem habit? It is easier to break a new habit than an old one. Third, what are the consequences of not breaking the habit? Will a partner leave you? Will you lose a job? Will you get sick? Will something really bad happen if you don’t change?” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

These are very great points and questions to consider, and many people don’t dig that deep when working on their habits, routines, and rituals. So they focus on surface level action, without understanding the deeper changes that need to and are taking place. Most people give up after a few weeks, or even days! Even though studies have shown that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit.

In the first episode of this series, Episode189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, we talked about intention setting and understanding WHY we’re doing the specific habit. We identified the scientific benefits of doing the new habit, and the negative effects of not doing the healthy habit. 

[12:57] The Science: Motivation

Today, we’re going much deeper into habit motivation, so that we can better understand how this works beyond physical habits and into other habits, such as our social wellness habits. “Dr. B. J. Fogg created the Fogg Behavior Model to identify the circumstances that need to be present for behaviour change to occur. “For a target behaviour to happen,” he notes, “a person must have sufficient motivation, sufficient abilify, and an effective prompt. All three factors must be present at the same instant for the behaviour to occur.” [source: LIMITLESS book p.159]

Basically you need three things in place for your habit to happen:

1. Motivation: You need the desire to do it

2. Ability: You need the skills to do it

3. Prompts: And you need something to get you started in the habit loop AKA the “cue” from our habit loop

Let’s break these down deeper, and correlate them to our social wellness habits.

Motivation

Fogg identifies three key motivators:

1. Pleasure/pain: Fogg says, “I believe pleasure/pain is a primitive response, and it functions adaptively in hunger, sex, and other activites related to self-preservation and propagation of our genes.”

1. Hope/fear: Not as immediate as the first motivator, but rather focusing on anticipation of a good thing happening, or in terms of fear, a bad thing happening. Fogg notes, “This dimension is at times more powerful than pleasure/pain, as is evidence in everyday behaviour. For example, in some situations, people will accept pain in order to overcome fear.”

1. Social acceptance/rejection: “The power of social motivation is likely hardwired into us and perhaps all other creatures that historically depended on living in groups to survive.”

As we understand these motivators, we can apply them to our habit examples.

Cultivating healthy relationships

1. Pleasure/pain: feeling good or supported in our relationships versus feeling bad or abused

2. hope/fear: hope for positive results and a happy future growing together, fear for separation/breakup

3. Social acceptance/rejection: having healthy relationships and a vibrant social life is incredibly beneficial to our quality of life and has been shown to increase lifespan

Communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas

1. pleasure/pain: confidence and wholeness of self expression versus holding in thoughts, feelings and ideas

2. hope/fear: the hope that your thoughts, feelings and ideas matter, the fear of never sharing your truth

3. Social acceptance/rejection: feeling seen and heard by others, versus people not liking what you have to share

Contributing to your community (including sharing talents and skills)

1. pleasure/pain: self-expression and feelings of purpose, versus not feeling purposeful

2. hope/fear: hope that you can make a difference in the world by sharing your talents, versus the fear that you don’t have gifts or talents or purpose

3. Social acceptance/rejection: you help your community, your talents are rejected by your community

Ability

The second motivator, ability, is equivalent to simplicity. Not only are you capable of doing it, but it is EASY and simple to do. Fogg defines six categories of simplicity: [source: LIMITLESS book p.160]

1. Time: we think something is simple when we also think we have the available time to take the action

2. Money: similar to time, if something challenges our financial resources, it is no longer simple.

3. Physical Effort: things that are physically easy to do are simple

4. Brain Cycles: anything that doesn’t make us think too hard, too much, or too often

5. Social Deviance: just like acceptance motivation, the simple action also fits into societal norms

6. Nonroutine: How far out of the normal routine it is defines the level of simplicity

Since our social wellness habits are broad and require multiple people, interactions, and experiences, it can be challenging to see and create simplicity. Doing so will make your social wellness habits more successful!

When considering your own habits, draw the path of least resistance to achieving this new action, and refer to the six categories to help you create that easy way forward.

Prompts

The last of Fogg’s motivators is prompts, or “Cues” as we know them from our habit loop. Fogg notes three types of prompts [source LIMITLESS p.161]

1. Spark: a type of prompt that immediately leads to a form of motivation

2. Facilitator: this type of prompt works when motivation is high but ability is low.

3. Signal: In some cases, you’ll have both high motivation and high ability. The only other thing you need to make a behaviour a habit is some kind of reminder or signal. 

Really understanding the science of motivation can help us build all sorts of habits. And prepare us for success and satisfaction in our relationships, communication, and connection to our communities. It’s important to want the new habit you’re starting, initiate the habit, and to create a cue or trigger that makes you want to do it (ASAP).

[19:05] The Spiritual

Let’s take a look at some spiritual tools and methods for creating new social wellness habits. In each of our series’ episodes I share crystals, essential oils, and sometimes other spiritual tools for enhancing our simple actions.

Here are 6 crystals for improving/enhancing social wellness habits:

[source] 

[source]

[source] 

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Rose Quartz: for compassionate chats

Blue Apatite: helps us to see things as they are, so we can speak our truth without feeling guilty for vocalizing our needs

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Aquamarine: for letting words flow

Carnelian: for confident public speaking 

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Laborodie: for bringing wisdom to your words

Sodalite: often called the stone of peace, for soothing anxiety and communicating authentically

Here are 6 essential oils for improving/enhancing social wellness habits. I’ve organized them into each of the habit examples for today’s episode.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Magnolia: Oil of Compassion

This essential oil connects people with the energy of the divine matriarch; a feminine spiritual source that expects individuals to treat one another with mercy and compassion. Magnolia is a tender oil and helps us live in love and harmony. It inspires us to engage with one another in empathy and by holding mirrors of each other. It reminds us that each soul is equally deserving of kindness and respect.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply to centre of the chest (heart centre), or crown of the head

Marjoram: Oil of Connection

This oil helps those who are unable to trust others or form meaningful relationships. Marjoram shows the barriers that have been formed as protection from others. It reveals unhelpful patterns and teaches us that trust is the basis for all relationships. It helps in increasing warmth and trust in social situations by softening the heart and healing past wounds.

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over the heart and chest.

Communicating Thoughts, Feelings and Ideas

Lavender: Oil of Communication & Calm

This essential oil helps verbal expression and calms the mind. Specifically it calms insecurities that are felt when one risks their true thoughts and feelings. It addresses a deep fear of being seen and heard and supports individuals in releasing the tension and constriction that stems from withheld expression. Lavender encourages emotional honesty and insists that one speaks their innermost thoughts and desires. 

Inhale from bottle or apply 1-3 drops over throat, temples or on nape of neck

Spearmint: Oil of Confident Speech

This oil inspires clarity of thought and confident verbal expression. Those who need spearmint, may hide their thoughts, opinions, and ideas by withholding their voices. Spearmint encourages inner clarity about personal convictions and opinions. It then assists individuals in translating that inner clarity into words.

Inhale from bottle, or dilute 1-3 drops with carrier oil and apply over throat.

Contributing to Your Community (including sharing talents and skills)

Cedarwood: Oil of Community

This essential oil brings people together to experience the strength and value of community. Those in need of cedarwood struggle to form bonds with social groups. Cedarwood supports people in seeing that they are not alone; life is a shared experience. It also assists in opening the awareness of people to support the system that is already available to them, such as friends and family. It invites people to both give and receive, so they may experience the strength of groups and the joy of relationships.

Inhale from a bottle, or dilute 3-4 drops with carrier oil and apply on arms, legs or bottoms of feet.

Neroli: Oil of Shared Purpose & Partnership

This oil is unifying and stabilizing. It’s helpful for calming troubled hearts in relationship conflict. It influences promoting harmony and acceptance and growth. Neroli helps in realizing deeper states of connection in intimate moments. It teaches us that unity blossoms from adaptation, cooperation, tolerance, perseverance, and kindness. It encourages active acceptance and supportive space. 

Inhale from the bottle, or apply 1-3 drops over heart, sacral chakra (lower stomach), throat or behind the ears.

I also wanted to share some other helpful practices that I would file under spiritual sorts.

[22:12] This first practice, or theory is for the habit of cultivating healthy relationships. In the yoga philosophy there are Eight Limbs of Yoga. One of those limbs is called the YAMA-S, and as we’ve been discussing this dimension of wellness, I am reminded of one of the YAMA-S called “ahimsa” which directly translates to “non harming” or “non injury.”

It reminds me of this dimension because social wellness encompasses respect for others, and respect to ourselves. When practicing ahimsa, we are nonharming to ourselves and others through thought, action, or words.

Secondly, I mentioned early in this episode that, as a podcaster, teacher, and public speaker, I have had a lot of practice and coaching on the topic of communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas.

One of my breakthrough moments was this past summer when I attended a virtual training with a gentleman named Mahfuz Chowdhury. 

Instagram: @mahfuzc 

He talked about storytelling and components of a killer presentation. I attended this training while I was also reading the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth, and I think this is why part of the presentation was so impactful for me. It was because Mahfuz has grit! He found his passion for public speaking, marketing, and storytelling and has learned to develop this skill with every opportunity possible. And if he isn’t public speaking, he’s working behind the scenes to master this craft. Talk about passion and perseverance! 

One of the things Mahfuz does is hook a mic up to himself when he is doing a speech or an interview or speaking engagement. This is HIS mic, not part of the production’s technology. He demonstrates grit by recording himself, and following the speaking engagement he re-listens to the recording and makes notes of where and how he can improve.

A lot of speakers will practice leading up to an event, but not many of them FOLLOW UP with their speeches. This goes beyond practice, and adds more intention and mastery to building this skill. It’s an excellent idea and I will be using this in my own skill development as well!

Thank you so much for joining me this week on another episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! It means so much to me that you’re here. I feel a bit speechless to share that we are almost at 200 episodes! And just shy of 80 000 downloads of the podcast! 

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! For showing up week after week. It is such a gift to read your reviews and messages about the show. If you haven’t already left a review for the podcast on Apple Podcasts, please do. It means the world to me and I read all of them! 

I have also just learned that I can only read reviews left in Canada, which I didn’t know before! So if you are from outside of Canada and leaving a review for the show, could you please screenshot your review and email it directly to hello@valerielavignelife.com !? I would love to read it and personally thank you for taking the time.

Sending you lots of love and blessings! I’ll meet you here next week for part five of our series: spiritual wellness! 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E194: From Frazzled to Focused in 21 Days

The 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge Spring Edition was a HUGE SUCCESS! Hear from five challenge members as they share their biggest wins and surprises of their transformation!

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[00:29] Valerie: welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, today we have five very special guests on the show. I know FIVE! This past spring, I hosted a 21 Day Healthy Habits Challenge and reached out to a few of the members to be on the show are here with us today and I asked them all answer the questions.

If you’re familiar with the show, you may recognize some of the questions, because in an episode very similar to this, which was Episode 173 where we talked about how small actions impact the 21 days. And those were some of the members from the first round of the challenge. This is a challenge that I run a few times a year and I'm excited to let you know that the next one will be coming in September! So if you want to get a waitlist for that, CLICK HERE!

Episode 173: Small Actions that Created Big Impact in Only 21 Days

Join our upcoming Healthy Habit Challenge HERE!

I love this challenge because our simple habits become ​​life changing for the people that have taken the challenge. One of the reasons I have these 21 day challenges is because I really like to support within this 21 hour challenge members are going to share with you today is their own experience in their own words of what the 21 Day Challenge has been able to gift them and help them grow.

If you’re new here, I’m Valerie LaVigne, a Healthy Habit Mentor. I help you create and stick to your habits and routines to make your life easier and effortless and gives you the freedom and time for the things that you love, and the things you enjoy! When we can really automate the right habits – our healthy habits – we can show up better for the people counting on us. This is the freedom for us to make a bigger impact on the world around us.

THE “FEELING WORD”

Now I won’t talk too much today, but I will be popping in between the voice notes that you’ll hear today. And what I do want to say is whether I’m working with you one-on-one, like in my Make a Habit Mentorship program, in a small group such as the Healthy Habit Membership, or in a larger group for a shorter amount of time, in the 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge, there is a specific focus and starting point we all use. The key starting point is to set an intention or feeling word.

So let’s hear from our guests today. You’re going to meet them to learn about what their intention or feeling word was for the 21 days and what kinds of habits they wanted to cultivate!

[04:00] Kayla-Jane: Hey! My name is Kayla Jane, and my word that I want to focus on for 21 days was focus. To get more focused in my routine. I started practicing no phone before 838 to get back into my writing daily habit, and to spend five minutes every morning, meditating, I also decided to sneak in drinking one glass of water before my coffee.

[04:29] Mia: My name is Mia. You can find me @miaonthemap and my feeling word – or words, were grounded and purposeful.

[04:40] Elise: my name is Elise and my feeling words were healthy, strong, and capable. My habits were drinking 2.5-3 litres of water a day, plus 20 minutes of movement a day.

[04:58] Keira: Hello my name is Keira, and I joined the 21 day Habit Challenge in search of being more consistent with a yoga practice, and finding gratitude in each day, and my feeling word was joyful.

[05:19] Candice: Hey I'm Candace, my goal or my habit that I was changing during fostering 21 Day Challenge was to go to bed before 11 This was super difficult for me and but I knew that it would create a solid foundation for everything else in my life. And so my feeling word to go along with that was centered.

[05:39] Valerie: One of the reasons why the feeling word is so important is because it becomes our motivation it becomes our WHY. So when we don't feel like doing the habit when we can don't feel like getting up in the morning for our routine or we don't feel like going for the walk or movement practice. We come back to the feeling word. Why did we set out for this in the first place? And I think what's really important to remember as well or something to come back to as well is understanding where we are starting what our starting point is. where are we before the challenge, because even though we're all coming together for these 21 days are all starting at really different parts and we all have very different motivations. So I asked the challenge members, where were you before the challenge started, and here is what they shared.

BEFORE THE 21 DAY CHALLENGE

Kayla-Jane: Before the challenge, I felt pretty grounded in my routine but I felt like there was a lack of structure. And by setting these simple, healthy habits for 21 days, I actually didn't notice that I was starting to become much more focused in my routine and understanding the why. And for me one of the biggest things was the no phone before 8:30am This is one of the habits that has, I genuinely think changed my life.

Not looking at my phone has allowed me to embrace what I'm actually feeling and allowing myself to tap into my needs and my feelings and my thoughts that day and not being overwhelmed by everything else that's going on in the world.

Mia: So before this challenge began, I was super frantic and frazzled. and just feeling spread pretty thin. I had been trying to do way too much at once. and not really seeing how to move forward I felt pretty stuck. Even though I was doing a lot and none of it was really purposeful. I was just kinda like, I felt like a little Marionette, that was just being pulled in different directions. So, yeah, that's how I felt before, fell before the challenge.

Elise: before starting the challenge, I had recently just moved into a house with my partner and left my condo that I loved like I absolutely loved it. I just needed some kind of not scheduled but like consistency in my schedule because everything was kind of all over the place. And it was just feeling a little bit overwhelmed with all of the changes.

Keira: When I joined the 21 day practice, it just kind of became spring, with spring came this renewed energy. So life was busy. There was a lot of things going on and I started finding less and less time to stay grounded and find the happiness and joyfulness in each day. Because I got caught up in life, and that's where it was at when I started this practice and that's why I wanted to join the challenge

Candice: Before the challenge started, I was feeling real frazzled. I was spread super thin. I was having a difficult time getting stuff done during the day just because I was so tired and it was really based on my sleep schedule being wonky, so I'd be going to bed late and then I'd be getting up early and so it made it difficult to do quality work during the day.

And to be like truly productive I wasn't giving myself time to rest and to recharge so that I could show up as my best self.

FAVOURITE FROM THE 21 DAY CHALLENGE

[09:35] Valerie: Once you’ve committed to the 21 Day Challenge and join the community, a few different things are to happen. First, you get crystal clear on your intention and your feeling word which we've already talked about. And the next as you start tracking your habits you start to really show up for yourself for those habits and for the other community members. In the past we've used a separate Instagram account to really showcase all the different people who are working on the challenge. This next round I am changing things up a little and I'm not going to ruin too many surprises, but it will still be a social sharing piece. If people are interested in it. It's always optional to share but I do find it gives you that extra boost of accountability. 

And it helps people connect with each other within the challenge because they see who else is doing it. You get to make new friends, you can follow new people and you can help each other grow throughout those 21 days and possibly beyond the 21 days. Community and accountability are incredibly important for cultivating and creating new habits. There is so much more power when we do something together even if we're not working on the exact same habit, but we're doing so within the same container – Within this 21 Day container.

What I love are my favorite part of this challenge is seeing how we are all growing together as these trackers and as these posts come through and I always ask the members to tag me so that I can share and cheer you on, and other members can also reach out to you, send you some hearts, send you some love notes, whatever the case may be. So that's one of my favorite things about this 21 Day Challenge. Let's hear what the members favorite things from the challenge.

Kayla-Jane: I also love that this challenge came up. I'm a huge astrology nerd. But I had a transit coming up that was Mars in Pisces and falls into my house of routine and structures and I found that implementing these few things, these few little habits actually helped me find so much flow in my life. And I think for a while I was fighting, having a little tiny bit of structure in the morning because it's like Who wants a to do list before not? Am I right, but to be honest, having these simple habits has brought a lot of clarity, and I've been getting back into my writing routine, and my one glass of water before coffee has become automatic. Who is she!?

Mia: My favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was being reminded daily to practice. So I word with gratitude and that for me. It didn't mean necessarily having a journal or whatnot. I just tried once a day to remind myself of things I was thankful for. I tried to do this while I was going for a walk. It didn't always work that way but it kind of centered me in a way that I didn't expect because I'm still doing that. Now, thanks to this challenge.

Elise: My favorite part of the challenge was having the group to kind of hold me accountable. I really liked that because I kind of needed that in my life, but I also loved how it was a judgment free zone. So, if there was a day that I didn't 100% achieve my goals. I knew that I would be okay because there's just so much love in the group.

Keira: My favorite part of the challenge was actually making the accountability posts. I know that we were provided with sort of a calendar that we could put our little stamps on or a little emojis and share that way but this time around for the challenge, I decided to kind of curate my posts accountability posts, and it allowed me to share some of the highlights of my day.

​​Personal quotes that resonated with me for that day, and just shared the gratitude I had each day, and it really gave me that like extra opportunity to focus and stay grounded. And it was, it was nice to see the reactions that I got from people on those posts in particular.

Candice: My favorite part of the 21 Day Challenge was some of the connections I made with the other community members seeing their stories being reposted on the special Instagram page, the healthy habits Instagram page. I was able to connect and talk with them outside of that, comment on them and like to give them props and cheer them on their journey as well. So it was really cool to have to create a community that was so supportive, even though we were like in different countries and everything. So it was pretty sweet. I think that was one of the highlights of the challenge plus like seeing my own growth over the course of just 21 days, and how impactful just the simple act of going to bed early. It was super impactful and like all aspects of my life.

BIGGEST IMPACT

[15:13] Valerie: You may have heard me say this in previous episodes: magic happens when we are in action. And the 21 day challenge really gives us an opportunity to get into action through the support of our intention, our feeling, as well as the support of the community, myself here to cheer you on and help you through those obstacles and stuck spots. You are really supported in taking action on your habits and on your goals. Now, everyone does this a little differently because every habit is a little different. But the one thing that seems to really come up is this level of impact. It shows up for anyone who decides to take action, who decides to commit to that feeling word and commit to their habit and the impact Without giving too much away – you know, you know how I get when I get excited! The impact becomes so much greater than just the habit, so much greater than ourselves, and it starts to ripple into other areas of our lives. So let's hear from the members of the challenge, what some of their greatest impacts were during those 21 days.

Kayla-Jane: I think one of my favorite parts about the 21 Day Challenge was taking simple changes that I knew I needed to make and holding myself accountable.

And also allowing that like flow and compassion for days. If I wasn't feeling up for it like it's okay. Like it doesn't mean that I'm never going to be able to have a routine again. But I think for me it's also been a really welcoming after the 21 day challenge that I still have these routines and I'm allowing myself so much flow during the day, but also being grounded in the areas of my life where I need structure because as much as I would just love to live in law land in my head in the clouds. It's not how things work.

And the 21 Day Challenge helped me create support a system that allowed me to be my best self.

Mia: I had a couple of big breakthrough moments. And they oftentimes just came through connecting with other people on this challenge. And realizing it's okay to say it's okay to not be where you [want to be]. But to know that you're not giving up and you're trying to move forward that that's what really matters. and I think it made my gratitude practice a lot stronger.

Knowing you have this awesome community to support me knowing that you Val were there to support me. It was it was just really great And now, because I practice gratitude, helped a lot of other areas in my life become more focused. I wanted to incorporate a writing practice and now I have. I wanted to take steps in the right direction. Job wise to help me be more focused on, and now I have.

Elise: for me the biggest impact on my life that I experienced during the challenge was being gentle with myself. There were days where I only met half of my goal, or I didn't even reach it at all and in the past I would be really hard on myself. Oh my god, you're such a failure like you didn't do the thing you said you were going to do. And with this I just give myself grace, and it was okay because I tried my best and tomorrow's another day.

Keira: So following my favorite part, It was also the part that had the biggest impact. as I said, people would comment on some of the things that I was doing. I went to concerts I played card games on a Wednesday night. I did yoga practices by candle light, and the responses that I got from people that watched them, it was, it was nice, as though I had inspired, so I like that part.

Candice: The biggest impact… The one thing I would say is the feeling word actually having just a word or mantra or phrase or something to come back to is so helpful. especially on nights when I'm back still working and it's like okay, it's time to go to bed otherwise I'm gonna miss my goal or my habit.

I could rethink to like, Okay, well, my feeling word is centered, like, how am I going to feel centered if I'm not doing the things or if I like skip it tonight or whatever, and it would just bring me back to like, okay, this is something so simple, but it helped remind me of my goals and kept me motivated I guess for lack of a better term.

SURPRISE! UNEXPECTED GROWTH FROM THE 21 DAYS!

[20:28] Valerie: I've said this before and I'll say it again: Habits are life changing! And when we create the right ones, they can really help us master our lives. They can really be supportive of our lives. And I think what is so incredible about working with people to build their habits is the fact that I'm totally geeking out about it and they get really fired up about this. One of the other really amazing things in this transformation is to see some of the surprises that come up. Like I said, I give everyone the opportunity to choose their own feeling word to choose their own habits that they want to work on. And what really is incredible are the surprises that come out throughout these 21 days and maybe even after the 21 days. Little things that you didn't think were going to happen. Now, I would like to say that a lot of the time I can predict some of the things or some of the surprises that come up because I've worked with so many people to cultivate habits. I can see how other areas of your life will start to bloom and blossom and grow and transform as you're working on something else that's very specific to you. but it might not be specific to the other transformations. If I'm losing you Don't worry. you're going to hear a little bit about what I mean when you hear some of the surprises that came from those 21 days of working on one small seemingly insignificant habit, every single day. Let's hear from the challenge members.

Kayla-Jane: I think my biggest surprise of the 21 Day Challenge is what's happened after. Because once I got past the third day of working on these habits and also being sick for a week, It invited me to give myself the compassion for not doing it, but to also understand why I'm doing it. And having that self care before I jump into my day, or use my energy on social media has honestly been life changing and all the habits that I started during the challenge, or things that I'm still doing to this day. What are we, like, two months later?

Mia: Normally when I sign up, I get instantly excited and then instantly overwhelmed. Think I have to keep up with this challenge, how am I gonna do it, AHHH! This was not that.

I think it was fake because Val gave like daily reminders and connected us with the community. But I was surprised that even when I wasn't intentionally planning on practicing my feeling where it's practicing gratitude, it would come out the more I did it. So when I started off, I tried to take walks and just say what I was grateful for. After that. I was taking less walks, but my brain was still thinking, Oh, I'm so grateful for this I'm grateful for that.

So I didn't realize how consistent I would become just from starting with a stronger foundation.

Elise: What surprised me most about the challenge was how it incorporated other habits into my life. So you know, it was the drinking of the water and 20 minutes of movement. But then I was feeling really good about that.

And I started flossing my teeth every day. And I know that sounds kind of weird but I maybe had just gotten back from the dentist or it was gonna go to the dentist soon. And I don't even know but flossing – and it's been great.

Keira: One of the things for the challenge this time around was… I don't know, I guess it was more so it was something that was within me. And the grace that I gave to myself. I mean a different place than I was for the first 21 Day Challenge. And this time instead of giving up when I deemed myself not being where I had imagined I would be. I gave myself some grace. So one of my intentions was to practice yoga more consistently. And I struggled with that at the beginning of the challenge but I turned it around at the end with the support of Valerie and I was very proud of where I ended off. I'm excited to say that I have continued with my yoga practice, and now my little girl does it with me too so it's that that would surprise me the most.

Candice: What surprised me most about this challenge? I think the biggest surprise was just how impactful changing is so just simple, like just going to bed early.

I'm surprised at how much of my life impacted because it really trickled into every aspect of my life. I was able to like it as I had so much more energy during the day that I was actually able to be productive at work but I also liked prioritizing my own rest.

And it inspired me to like to take time to just be and not be working all the time. So it really did like center and balance, more aspects of my life than I really expected. I was also able to be like more present in the moment with friends and family Yeah, it impacted a lot more of my life than I anticipated.

[26:16] Valerie: Listening to this feedback and these experiences I find so inspiring. And I hope it's also lighting a little fire under your own bum so that you can make a simple change in your life to create bigger impact. And if this is something that you feel really called to work toward or to start, I would love to invite you personally to the 21 day healthy habit challenge as I mentioned, we will be starting in September of 2022. However, if you're listening to this podcast episode, after we start, there will be more challenges in the future. And all the information for those upcoming challenges can be found on the show notes page to this episode, which you can find at Valerie life.com forward slash one, nine for the other thing I love about the challenges I do spaced them out throughout the year. So the very first one happened in the winter. This next one was in the spring. and some of the women you've actually heard from today have done both the winter and the spring challenges. and I can tell you right now that their experiences are very different from my perspective, however I wanted to hear from them. I wanted to know what they did differently this time around.

Elise: 

​​I'm not sure that I did anything that was like super wild to help the second round be more successful.

However, I did give myself more grace. and even on the days where I didn't do or didn't complete the goals for that day. I would try to pick one other thing. something that was different from my goals, but still gave me those feeling word vibes and counted that as a win. And that was huge for me.

Keira: With this being a second time around, I made a conscious effort to just commit to one challenge. The first time around, I was feeling lost and I joined this challenge. I joined a meditation challenge. I joined another challenge and I think I was overwhelmed with trying to put bandaids on my life.

It wasn't as successful the first time around so this time I really took it as an opportunity to stick with one challenge.

Choose something that I knew would be impactful in my life. Presently I was successful. Wasn't 100% Perfect, but progress was made and I am pleased with where I am at now.

Candice: So I've done Val’s 21 Day Challenge twice now and both times that are relatively similar like my goal and the first time I didn't do so hot. I think I was still in too frazzled of a state that I just didn't prioritize the challenge as much as I could have. The second time I I shared it with other people like I shared it with my family and my partner so that I could just have a little bit more accountability was the first time I was just kind of going on my own.

And so it was a little bit tougher because I didn't feel like I had the support I needed and I couldn't really talk to very many people about it.

And that was like my own doing I just didn't feel like sharing. My habit was like a valid thing to do with family and friends at that time. I was just a little bit too in my head. And the second time around, I shared it and it was helpful because they were like really supportive. The second time around it was really helpful to share it with others because then if it was getting late, my partner be like a you're gonna miss your habit if you don't go to bed soon. Or like if I was like too late, or if I knew that I had like a deadline coming up. I could talk to my partner and be like, Oh, I'm gonna miss my dad. Like, I have to choose. I'm gonna miss my deadline, or am I gonna miss this habit? What should I do? And so it's just nice to like have somebody else to talk to about it. Rather than feeling a bit like an island and like, like, because I didn't validate my feelings. In the first round. I felt like my habit wasn't valid. so I didn't take it seriously. whereas this second time, I was like, this is what I'm doing and I am valid and this is valid. and so I feel like it held more importance to me.

That was deeper than I expected to come out!

[31:11] Valerie: The first step to committing to yourself… The first action to take to truly loving and valuing yourself is making the decision that you are worth elevating your energy. You are worth healthy, happy, vibrant habits you are worth the time the effort and the energy it takes to create the best version of you.

that best version of you already exists. and by creating these automated healthy habits, It really peels away the layers of the things that aren't working, of that frazzled feeling, and it helps us focus on who we truly are and who we really want to be and showing up as that best version of us.

And that's what healthy habits do. That's why they are so powerful and impactful. and why they surprise us is because when we actually do that, What we're actually doing is we're giving ourselves permission to be that best version of us, we're giving ourselves permission to live fully and wholly and I want to support you in that journey and in that transformation.

And one of the best places that you can start is through the 21 Day Challenge. I'll leave the link for you in the show notes page. you can find it at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash 194. I was so excited for you to join us and I can't wait to support user your transformation but also to hear about your experience with the 21 days.

If you have any questions at all about the challenge, feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. You can find me @vallavignelife and I would be happy to answer any and all of your questions. And until the challenge you'll want to think about one of your feeling words or some of the habits that you'd love to start so get brainstorming sign up for that challenge, and I will talk to you very soon.

Take care for now!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E193: Move from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Stacking Tiny Actions with Jessica Stephens

Jessica Stephens is a corporate marketer turned social marketer, online entrepreneur and podcast host. She's passionate about supporting people in transforming their daily actions to be on purpose and love their life! Career, business, relationships, health, love all of it! She is a master networker and connector helping pair people with others and opportunities.

Her love for travel landed her a Pilot husband which fueled her desire to ditch the cubicle life for a carry-on bag, laptop and good wifi! When she's home you can find her in the kitchen churning up a batch of homemade gourmet ice cream and being the best plant mom she can be!

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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to introduce you to our very special guest today, Jessica students Jessica Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. 

Jessica Stevens: Well, thanks for having me Val. I'm excited to be a guest on the show. It's nice to sit on the other side of the microphone. 

VL: Oh my gosh, right. It's exciting. You don't get to or you don't have to do all the editing and all the backend stuff too, right? 

JS: You just get to show up and you talk and then you're gone. It's lovely.

VL: Now the two of us can talk for a while so I'll try to keep us on topic. But I'm really excited to have you here because you and I are both really big passionate advocates for healthy habits and a lot of where this comes from our own experiences and our story. So I'd love it. If you could tell us a little bit about yourself how you got into doing what you do. 

JS: Sounds good. So hi everyone, and thanks for having me on the show. A little bit about me. I am a Former marketer, corporate marketer. That was my education. I went to university for communications in the advertising industry and spent 15 year over there before going out and becoming a health and wellness entrepreneur.

That is where I learned how valuable habits and healthy habits were when I started my business and how good I wasn't actually. I had formed a lot of good discipline. Around habits from a younger age because I was a dancer. I was on sports teams. And I never really realized how useful they were in my life. became an entrepreneur. Obviously I use them throughout my career but they weren't as evident as they were when I started my business and started really putting discipline and healthy habits into daily practice.

So now I'm crazy about the habit habit hacker. I love having a healthy one. I try to implement as many of them into my life as possible, because it really just takes a lot of the stress off of your brain when it's put into autopilot and that I learned from my husband to actually really highlight this relationship.

We started our relationship. my life and my time and what I was doing with my time because spending time with him was something that I really that was really important. Finding those moments to streamline my day so that I had more time for us to be together physically with traveling and going out on Skype, if everybody remembers what that platform was way back in the day. Like daily habits really start coming into play. 

[04:43] VL: So cool! And they think it's something I want to highlight that you always had these habits but they weren't intentional. And I think this is really the key to cultivating habits and reaching goals is making sure that your habits are intentional because whether you realize it or not we all have habits and they're going to make us grow or they're going to lead us down maybe the unhealthy route or maybe they keep us stagnant. Right. So I'm so glad that you started to implement some of these different habits in your life. And I'm sure we're gonna take details of those. But something that I really love about your story is this transformation you talked about and I know you're wearing your necklace right now that people can't see but it's this beautiful silver dragonfly. So tell us a little bit about why this dragonfly symbol or this yeah, this dragonfly symbol is so important to you.

JS: Yes, I dragonflies are, I guess for lack of a better term my spirit animal and they always have been so I've been always connected to dragonflies for the longest time, right, like I would just see them flying. I would just identify with them. You know most people really gravitated towards butterflies as a symbol for transformation. But for me, it's the dragonfly. So, here's a little thing that maybe you don't know. So when most people think of transformation, a butterfly is probably the creature that comes to mind because of that transformation from Caterpillar to butterfly. It's pretty epic, right? You got you started as a cup of caterpillar. You go away and you Hakuna away from the world. Do all of this really massive change in the privacy of your town, and then you reemerge to the world as this beautiful butterfly. That's the process of dragonfly dragonflies. It is completely different. So dragonflies actually started out of water and they swam. And they have something that we call partial metamorphosis meaning they change a little bit each day, but not so much that they can no longer survive in their environments, aka the water. So they're still swimming but they're changing in these micro ways every single day. And they change and change until they get to the point where they can fling themselves out of the water, land on the shore, crack open their wings and fly as a dragonfly. For me that is much more attuned to what the humans are actually able to do. Because not many of us have the opportunity to pick up our lives and go to Bali and sit on a mountain and Eat Pray Love and do yoga and figure out all of our shit and then come back transformed and healed and all things like that's not real life. Most of us, most of us.

Most of us still have to go to work and still have to live in our stressful scenarios. Maybe we're at a job we don't love where maybe we're with a partner that we're not getting along with. Maybe we have all these financial stresses and career stresses like life is happening.

But how do you transform and change yourself while you're still swimming through the muck of your life? Like that pond like that dragonfly that knows. So for me, humans are much closer to what that dragonfly transformation is. And that is when true transformation can happen when you're actually able to do it in your same environment without ourselves and then that means those transformation and those habits and those new skills that you put it in tool that you've put into place for yourself, really stick and are helpful to you in the heart moments, not in the beautiful, peaceful, tranquil mountains of Bali. When someone is serving you higher. And you know, meditating and your cell phones not throwing off like anybody be peaceful, mindful and have a great time in that environment, but can you be your best self when all the stresses are coming so that's the difference between the dragon the butterfly transformation and the dragonfly transformation and why I love to teach the dragon fly methodology to people to really survive in life.

[09:35] VL: That is so cool. I had no idea about that. I had no idea. I knew dragonflies are off in the water but I didn't really understand the full transformation. So thank you so much for sharing that and honestly it is very relatable and you're right not all of us have that opportunity to go to Bali and eat all the tropical fruits and then come back and they're like yes, so you feel amazing. things are great. 

JS: Not that there's anything wrong with that, like I believe you should remove yourself, go to a new environment, get centered on all the things, but you also need to know that you can actually put those tools into practice in stress.

VL: I'm so glad you said that because part of my journey was I did the butterfly thing. I went to Guatemala and backpack Central America for seven months all by myself. And then they came back and I was like all right, I kind of have an idea of what this is. And guess what? You don't have to go to Guatemala to do it. You actually just have to change little things every single day. But he never knew about dragonflies. So this is really cool. So tell us how this works for humans. Give us some examples from those habits, those intentional habits and how you started cultivating this transformation for yourself in your life. 

JS: Yeah, so might you Val, I'm sure all of your most important habits take place in the morning. So I started with my morning routine. And really being intentional about the time in the morning. How I woke up, what I did, who I saw because when I was a stressed out workaholic, I think the alarm would go off or even sometimes before the alarm went off, my arm was extended. My hand went to the device and the BlackBerry was in my face. All within seconds of my brain turning on and all the messages and all the emails and all other people's fires and what was important to them. It was now training. My wife was setting the tone for my day. and everything about that day was about reacting and responding. To whatever was in that inbox.

So for me, it was taking control of the morning. That was the most transformational. So waking up, getting out of bed, getting water in my body.

You know, getting any ideas that I had that I had created in my mind through my dream cycles out and on paper and texture, so that if my day went sideways, it was recorded. Somewhere that I could go back to your site.

And you know you broke it down. So that's where our journaling started. That's where my morning practice started. That's where I started my day in a way that allowed me to not react to what was going to be coming next but how to show up in a way that spawns react. And also create because remember I was in our creative field I was in advertising and you know your worst is really your creativity and your ideas and what you can make from your mind and so securing that start by having a huge priority as I was leaving my career, but also as I was entering into this new space, but then it translated into another area of life. Okay, well now we're gonna look at how I feel about my body in the morning like what am I consuming? And I was not a breakfast person, not somebody in the morning because I was a coffee consumer right and so then that happened a certain change and I did a cleanse and I stopped drinking yet consuming a whole bunch of coffee beans.

And at the end of the class stay off the coffee not canceling because the coffee before birth. Because I used to drink my coffee with sugar. And I'm like I just don't want that extra sugar. So I stopped, so I actually haven't had a cup of coffee and probably 18 years now. But I have more energy. And then when I was ordering coffee and so then those habits are translating into one one energy sources and by putting in my body to help fuel me in the best way so I have the best results for the rest of my day. And last year because I knew that once I went into an office or when I started my day, you know, who knows the next meal that I always get again, right? Like how many of us skipped lunch and worked through it? Or you know, nibbles on a little thing and then three hours later, you're like, oh, it's still there and I never finished that sandwich or salad or whatever. So I started making sure that my morning and my breakfast were top notch because I had no true idea that I was going to get another next meal that day that was going to be anywhere close to my nutrition.

So that's where it really started. for me was just holding my money That time and what I put into my brain what I put into my body, and that actually helps me survive the rest of my crazy day so that I wasn't falling down And like grabbing, whatever, I can just shove into phase or just falling asleep from exhaustion and starting all over again.

[15:48] VL: yeah mornings can be so important because they will really set the tone for the day, not just sustaining yourself throughout the day but creating the intentional day from this totally healthy routine that you have. So I mean, listening to this, it sounds so simple. So wonderful. And the transformation just happened. Yeah, so obviously, you and I both know this, but perhaps we could talk a little bit more about it. Like when we want to create this incredible morning routine and we want to swap our coffee for something a little bit. more fuel efficient, if you will, and energizing. how do we get to this incredible morning routine that takes a little bit longer than if we just changed one thing for example. How do we make this epic morning routine?

JS: So for me, it wasn't trying to do an epic morning routine. I want to build because that's daunting. and that is.

So for me, I am all about the transition. Right? I am all about starting somewhere with any goal knowing what my goal is, but what are all the different stages that it's going to take to get there. if it takes me 20 steps.

That's my ultimate goal. That's okay. Because I would rather take 20 Small steps than five big leaps and stumbling up.

We're just going to make sure that you don't work the phones. Like get into the shower and wash your hair. Before you look at your phone. 

VL: And I think what's cool too is when you start to add in more than a diamond certainly can. Like you get this immediate confirmation or response and feeling of how good that feels because I've got that to where I'm like I just wake up at times are exposed by email or Instagram or Tiktok or whatever it is just consumed. But it was like okay, I'm gonna brush my teeth. I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm not gonna open my phone. Now I have to do all of these things before and it's almost like it's almost like in the beginning I was doing them faster so that I can get to those emails.

JS: But it’s just like crack, right?

VL: Yeah, it’s addictive. ANd we can use these devices to help us cultivate these habits.

JS: So yeah, step one is don't try and do them all at the same time. integrate them slowly. So map them out to be workable, which one is the most important to me? That if I change this one thing, and this is the only thing that I ever know that it can change, it'll have a drastic impact. On my day. Do that one first.

Give, do the one that's going to give you the biggest bang for your buck. Because you're gonna get that reward. You're gonna get that hit of dopamine, you're gonna get that serotonin levels are gonna start climbing and you're gonna start feeling better. And so when you're feeling better you're gonna be like a champ. I got this. I can do another one. And then you added another one.

Maybe not in the same category. So maybe yeah, step one was the phone. And then step two, is literally like Okay, drink the water.

Right just just drink the water and take your vitamins and you know, whatever other things that you swallow in the morning and use a habit that you already have to do it right. So if you're already doing one thing and you've got a good habit going about stacks and you want to do that one. So my example was more of a bedtime because what I do at night like most people brush their teeth when most right.

So yeah, like that was actually kind of the bread of flossing.

And so what I had to do was I had to floss and brush my teeth so that I can pick up the habit that I wanted onto the hammock and it was already good but anyhow I accidentally brushed my teeth first. My autopilot, brush teeth, spin my face, walk out the bathroom. No memory of flossing, right? So it's like floss first because at the end of the habit that you're already used to doing it. You already have a routine that you're already going to you're already starting before you even walk out of the bathroom.

So if you're going to habit stack, always put the newer habit you're trying to cultivate for the one that's already

VL: I love that. It's so it's just a little swap to do when you're starting to stack those habits. But it's really great because it's like you know what you're already doing and you can set yourself up for success by kind of like if you have a shower every morning, you want to start taking vitamins, put your vitamins in the bathroom where you shower, if that's possible, right. And then take your vitamins as you're getting ready to go to the shower. It's so simple.

JS: Yeah, so yeah, just setting your environment up to write like eliminating things out of sight. I really think out of sight out of mind like why can't see it and there's a good chance I'm not doing it. So that can work for you and I can work against you. So the things that you keep putting them in your past. Got to trip over them and then be like, Oh yeah, and if you don't want to do something more than she would have to say if you don't see it, it's not there. It's like any big cookie jar.

VL: Totally.  I love that. Let's think of a couple examples that would make Baker goals that we could break down into tiny habits. So I'll put you on the spot here. Can we do a health goal,  business goal, and a third goal, surprise me. 

JS: Okay, so healthy. You want to start eating cleaner. and that can be daunting for people because they are associated with the diet. Right? This isn't a diet just adding some help to your day.

So it's just starting to swap, swap some things so let's use that breakfast that morning. Like autopilot is like coffee, the warm beverage of choice for you in the morning. Maybe that's just because you're just so used to the smell of it when the routine of it or whatnot. Well, let's swap that out. Give yourself water or tea. You're still getting that beverage experience for your body.

What you're consuming is dramatically cleaner for your body than the coffee. 

So that’s something that adds to being healthier in a day. but instead of smothering that bagel bagel with cream cheese maybe decide to slather on that bagel. Say that you're getting so good with these proteins that it is going to ask you for a lot longer and that vary based products that may not realize might have some no effects on your body consumed couldn't be lactose intolerant. or you could have a dairy allergy that's not so severe that's Have you run break out in hives or anything like that. but maybe that dairy and Dale are dairy intolerant. so minor. That is just making you, you know, a little bit congested. It's operating properly.

Like I don't know if anybody out there suffers from allergies, and your eyes are watering whatever it is you just feel like no one's performing their best way to structure your destiny. 

So, it's trading in one thing for somebody else that could have a better positive impact on how your bond.

[25:20] VL: Yeah, that's fine too because it's much easier to replace an existing habit than it is to just add in or just eliminate it altogether. So yeah, it's awesome. 

JS: Or maybe it's Hey, you're used to drinking juice in the morning. So you have that, you know, sweet liquid going into your body. Okay, well, let's add a scoop to that juice. So you're now getting a full serving of vegetables. With that juice, it's not just the juice.

VL: yeah, that's right. Yeah, exactly. Right. It's like, think of what you're already doing. What can you add? Or what can you swap with? and we're like, yeah, and make it like a small change to right. back to what you said about the tiny changes. Okay, so let's do one more for our 

JS: Okay, so let's do one more for our business. You have a goal you want to achieve a certain number of enrollments by the end of the month, right, whether that be new customers or repeat orders, oryou know what, how, what what number is it? That is a goal for you so set the goal set the GPS, because you we don't know where we're, we can't do anything without GPS. We don't. We can't map it out until we know where we're going. So you got to set a goal. Even if the goal scares the bejesus out you're like, makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit being like, there's you have, you've never had this number before ever in your business, like having a $10,000 or $100,000 month or whatever that number is for you as a business owner, or enrolling 20 new clients, or like whatever the number is, I want you to think of a number that would literally have you jumping up and down with sheer giddiness that you would do a happy dance for If you hit and then I want you to double it.

VL: Those are big hairy scary goals!

JS: Those are big, hairy, scary goals. Because the big mystery is the one that you have to put on the post on the mirror that you stare at you like, oh gosh, because here's the thing, like the goal that you set for yourself that is obtainable.

You;ll be like, well that’s possible. I can do that. But it may not force you to do things that you've never done before. Because maybe you've actually gotten close to that goal before or maybe it was. You actually did it once but it was only once and it was like a long time ago and you're like, like the star is just allowing it to happen. Your brain.

You know how to do it. So you're not going to actually make any changes to your daily interactions to do it. You have to double down, you gotta make the goal that much bigger to force your body to do things it's never done before you're like okay, well if I need to, if I need 50 new clients to my club.

Well, that means I need to have 10 times more conversation like if you want 50 Well, that means you need to talk to 100 people and tell them about it to get 50 The sign out and if you need to actually talk to 100 people to tell them about the program.

250 people are you hearing and in order to ask 250 people to hear about the program. Well then you actually need to reach out to 500 people for half of them to even acknowledge you and respond to you to say yes, half of them do actually hear it. Okay, and half of them to actually decide, yeah, I want that and then sign up.

So you have to like it, keep doubling. It's kind of the numbers.

But for you to be like alright, I'm gonna involve six new people to my gym this month.

I'm gonna, and I'm just going to talk to the same amount of people that I did last month when I signed up five. That's not going to work right?

VL: yeah, I like that. And I think knowing your numbers is going to be really helpful in creating those tiny habits that you're going to be doing every day and it's really about taking action. And kind of like getting you in that excited like, Ooh, this is a little bit scary. You know, I'm feeling a little rumbling in my tummy but you know this is, this is good, right? 

And then it's exciting. And then you start to see that growth over time. And I think that's what's really something we haven't talked about yet is like not only stacking habits, not only enhancing those small things and taking the small actions but tracking the progress along the way and looking back like gold this month to sign up with 50 people and by the end of the month. I reached it. I reached 35. Let's say we like we're close we did more than the month before but we didn't hit our big hairy scary goal. 

Okay, what can we do? What can we do differently, what worked what didn't and then using that information and using that data to move forward with the next hairy, scary goal or try to be the previous thing, right and yes, and then being able to see your progress and see how you've been able to evolve and transform and become this healthier version of yourself. Like not only are you feeling those small changes day to day, but you can start to see them over time too. And I think that's really impactful, especially when things get tough. And you need that consistency. The only thing that I the thing that people need to remember is it's not about that first month's goal whether you can it or not. 

JS: It's about the activity that you did to start getting you there and that you keep doing even when you don't hit the goal the first month, because now you're in momentum. And momentum means that you're now in this rhythm and this groove the habits are now it's now getting easier for you to talk to those 10 people every single day.

Or ask those 10 people every day or reach out whatever that action is for you.

Pass the day 30 So that because we all know that it takes about 28 days to create a habit. Right so if you start doing this for you know those first 2830 days, your results are not what you wanted them to be. Don't stop because the real results of those first 30 days is actually going to show up the days

that you've planted don't all sprouts, Bloom or grow at the same rate at the same time.

​​And so that's that's what people will see people getting hung up is I only did it for 30 days and even when it started getting easier near the end, and they got into the groove at the stock because they're like, Oh, I said I was gonna do it for 30 This was the goal at the end of the month. No, keep going.

Because now you're in the groove. Now you're in momentum and that's what is actually going to pay you forward 10 times more than the first step. Right. It's going to take even less time for people to convert it to take less time for people to get back to you. Now because you've practiced so much you've gotten the marbles out of your mouth. You find two new messages. You realize what wasn't working in those first few reach as you did. You've now gotten it tightened. Seisen you're now seeing which ones actually people, you know, responded to.

This way. This is like a little bit of A/B testing in that first 30 days too. So that's the other key thing is once you got that the habit of doing the action going, don't stop.

[33:40] VL: Amazing. It's so true. And I think a lot of that time like you said that in that 30 days. It's a lot of a testing period. And it's a lot of overcoming some some obstacles, but you'll also start to notice that yes, it becomes easier to have it but we might not be doing it every single day right at the beginning right so we don't have that momentum yet. We don't have that. That action every single day yet.

So important. Well this has been incredible. And I feel like there are so many takeaways that people can start with today to really start that momentum and start that and create that transformation for themselves.

We do have one more section of the show. But before I get to that, I wanted to ask you is there something that hasn't been said? Today that you really want to leave people with?

JS: Healthy habits are your best friend. Healthy Habits is the thing that you can turn to in crisis that will support you through whatever it is you're going through. Healthy habits will encourage you to keep going.

Healthy Habits are truly the thing that will be by your side for the rest of your life. No matter who comes to you and your habits are the only thing that you'll have forever

VL: I'm going to make that little quote so that everyone can have that in their paper on their phone in their computer. Everywhere. I love it. So my dear Jessica, where can we find you? Where can you how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM @jess.loves.life

TIKTOK @jess.loves.life

WEBSITE http://jessicastephens.ca

VL: We have a rapid fire round to finish things off. There are four questions I will ask you, are you ready?

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

JS: The Calling: 3 Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good

1. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

JS: Empowerment. Courage because you don’t need confidence to do things. Have the courage, have a single tool to tackle and empower themselves and empower others.

1. What is your longest standing habit?

JS: My longest standing habits… Okay, so I still have 42 have my baby born from when I was really interesting. And I sleep with her, as a married woman, she's I go everywhere with her I travel with her. So she is she is my longest relationship.

And part of my nighttime routine is grabbing pinkie and snuggling and thinking about my day.

And kind of having like a little conversation with her truly, of like talking about what I did that day and whatever. Like she was like my confidant. So she is like my longest standing relationship.

My longest standing habit of snuggling into bed with Pinky.

VL: follow up question with for that. Is there a drag fly on it?

JS: no she’s just pink.  I did give her a facelift. So you know how they like it's come with like the border. So she had started to kind of like, you know, fray out. And so I think it was when I was like 20 Something she got new ribbon around the edge.

She got another update again. So yeah, she's gotten a couple of facelifts. But she's so beautifully attacked in one piece. 42 years later. 

1. What are you currently working toward?

JS: I am working towards a lot of things. I am one of those people who can't just do one thing.

So I got a lot of things on the go. One thing that I'm working towards is growing my podcast and show that just, you know, the best space for people to come and share their stories and growing that community of listeners. So that's one thing I'm working on. Another thing I'm working on my business, helping a lot of people get control of their health with healthy habit programs that I got going on to show them how easy it is to incorporate some good healthy habits in so that's something else I'm working on. And third is I'm working on some fun homes, on red o's and home projects, outdoor gardens, filling my space with beautiful plants. So I'm a new plant mama and I'm working on growing my like my plant collection.

VL: Thank you so much for spending time with us today. Thank you so much for sharing all of this incredible wealth of knowledge you have. I am so excited to to share this episode with the audience. And like I said, I'll make sure that everyone gets the links to everything that you're doing and everything that you're up to at Valerie Levine live.com forward slash Jessica. Thanks again. Jessica. And I hope we continue these conversations more, maybe on the podcast, maybe online, maybe both places. But I do have to say thank you so much for everything that you do for how you show up for how you share this incredible story of transformation and the dragonfly I think it's really empowering and really inspiring and I'm so glad that we've been connected. Thank you.

JS: So fun, I love Thanks for having me in your space with your people. It's always just a huge thing to be trusted with an audience and Share. share the little knowledge that I have with the world. And I, I'm sure there'll be other collaborations between you and I have a feeling that will be partnering on some really cool habit stuff in the future!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E192: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Three of The Science & The Spiritual Series

Using self-directed neuroplasticity as well as different crystals and essential oils to creating habits to make our brain work smarter!

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[00:29] Hello there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m really excited about this episode as we continue on with The Science and the Spiritual Series. This is part three: Intellectual Habits & How to Incorporate Them.

If you’re new to the show, or to the series, we are working through the seven dimensions of health and wellness: Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Social, Spiritual, Environmental, and Occupational. Each episode in the series is dedicated to one of the seven dimensions. 

Episode 189: Physical Habits 

Episode 190: Emotional Habits

Episode 192: Intellectual Habits

Episode 195: Social Habits

I’ve created a loose structure for each episode to help with the flow, as well as three habit examples of each dimension for each episode. The flexible flow – because sometimes things change – is as follows: 

Introduce the series

Describe the dimension and relevance/importance

Discuss the scientific method or formula as well as the spiritual, for creating the three habit examples

Closing the episode

Part three of the series is all about intellectual wellness. Intellectual wellness is often overlooked, and yet it is so incredibly important! This entails: stimulating or creative mental activities. It has everything to do with our minds and continuing to inspire/exercise our minds. Having a high level of intellectual wellness does not mean that you are the smartest person in the room, but rather it is about having an active mind, even an open mind, and the ability to learn. Intellectual wellness is about being resourceful, and having the ability to expand our knowledge base and improve or develop new skills. 

To be honest I LOVE this dimension of wellness because I get excited about learning and I know that’s not how everyone feels, so let’s take a look at three habits we can realistically incorporate to help us improve this area of wellness.

Habit number one: Take a course or workshop

Habit number two: Learn (or improve) a foreign language 

Habit number three: Read

I want to preface this episode by saying that: just by listening to this episode you are already supporting the growth in this area of wellness, and if you’re a regular listener, you’re already developing the habit of improving your intellectual wellness, because this podcast is about YOU. It's about empowerment, personal development, and all things health/wellness. We discuss all sorts of topics with research and ideas and concepts sprinkled throughout. My intention behind each episode is to inspire you to take action, and it’s within the episode that you learn, grow, and expand your thinking so that you can take new or intentional action for that self growth and self development to occur in your life.

So even if you aren’t signing up for courses, learning a new language, or reading currently, what you ARE doing is still supportive. These are just extra ideas for you, and you can apply the science and the spiritual methods to any intellectual habits you have right now.

[04:05] The Science

And without further ado, let’s dive into a little something called “self-directed neuroplasticity.” or SDN for short. 

An article discussing the research of individuals practicing lived experience of SDN describes it as: the mind’s ability to change the brain function through the power of thought and can alter brain structure in potentially beneficial ways, overcoming habituated and maladaptive responses. [source] 

In fewer words that means intentionally rewiring the brain to create positive habits. SDN is a powerful and science-based method to not only make new habits, but break bad ones.

Essentially neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form, modify, change and reorganize synaptic connections, throughout life and in response to experience. This can be the functional plasticity in the brain as well as the structural plasticity where the brain can physically change its structure as a result of learning. Yes, you heard me correctly. Your brain can and does physically change with each new learning experience. So if you’ve ever listened to an episode of this show and learned something new - your brain has most likely modified because of it!

Anyone who says “I’m too old to learn something new” is casting a hex on themselves because this is one of the biggest mindset blocks I’ve ever known. Yes our brains change with age, but we can also change our brains due to the fact that they are malleable! Since our brains are easily influenced, trained, or controlled (plasticity), we can use our nerve cells as the building blocks to our brain (neurons) to improve our intellectual wellness. This helps us do things like: [source]

• Learn new things

• Enhance our existing cognitive skills

• Recover from traumatic brain injuries and strokes

• Strengthen areas where function is lost or has declined

• Improvements in brain “fitness” such as memory, reading, etc. 

The ongoing process of neuroplasticity means our brain cells, and other neurons will be changing throughout our lives because we are always responding to different learnings and life experiences. 

When we do not set goals, or create habits for our intellectual wellness, we participate in something called experience-dependent neuroplasticity. Which is the “passive process of reinforcing habits by doing them unconsciously over and over again, whether they’re good or bad.” [source] 

The key to improving this area of wellness is through, formerly mentioned, self-directed neuroplasticity. SDN is the active process of consciously reflecting on our habits and how they make us feel.

Already existing habits are automated, and therefore mostly unconsciously done. Think of how you brush your teeth. You pick up the toothbrush the same, you put on the toothpaste the same; there is minimal effort and thinking to how you do these daily habits.

One of the reasons why I am so enthusiastic about habits is because they become automated. When we’re automating healthy, positive, helpful habits we have a higher quality of life and are generally happier humans.

However a habit is not formed instantly, it requires some effort in the beginning. They start with an action, followed by a hit of a reward chemical in the body called dopamine. I have a habit of cracking my knuckles. Sometimes I crack them without realizing it, and also without recognition my body feels that relief, that reward following this particular habit. 

Our sensory nervous system is designed to monitor our body and it’s looking for that connection between action and satisfaction. Once it comes across this connection, it stores it in an area of our brain called the basal ganglia. This is also where we develop our memories and emotions, but it is not where we make conscious decisions. Hence why it can be so difficult to break habits, since they are mostly done unconsciously. 

[08:40] The Habit Loop

To practice SDN we create habits through reflecting on the habit loop:

Cue: this is the trigger to your habit.

Craving: the urge or desire to motivate you

Response: engaging in the action, thought, or behaviour

Reward: the satisfying outcome you were craving

Let’s create specific habit loops for each of our examples:

Take a Course or Workshop

Cue: You were scrolling instagram when you saw a friend talking about their Human Design Profile. Your friend’s excitement and experience becomes a trigger for you to learn more.

Craving: After reading a few blog posts on Human Design, and downloading your own unique profile, you crave more information and want to go deeper into the subject. One of the blog posts you’ve been reading offers an eight week workshop promising to guide you through the fundamentals of Human Design and interpreting your profile.

Response: You sign up for the course and attend each week. Throughout the course you keep an open mind, you’re fully engaged and present, and even begin to connect with the other students outside the course to learn and discuss further.

Reward: Through this experience you feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose because you’re able to understand once unfamiliar concepts, and these concepts explain unique parts of yourself. You wake up excited to connect with new friends and leave those conversations feeling satisfied and inspired.

Learn (or Improve) a Foreign Language 

I am currently on day 739 of learning French with the app Duolingo and I highly recommend this app for learning a language, so I’m going to use this app as an example for this habit.

Cue: Notification on your phone from Duolingo reads “Keep your streak going! Practice 5 minutes of French!”

Craving: Wanting to feel confident and sexy speaking French, possibly while walking through Paris, France eating a croissant one day.

A more immediate craving: The app gives you fire emojis, trophy emojis, and special badges for completing the daily and monthly challenges which has you feeling accomplished and excited with all the bright colours and GIFs.

Response: Open app, complete a few different lessons, practice learning french.

Reward: Lots of colourful images, videos, and sounds (think of a casino slot machine) for achieving a lesson, or earning a trophy, or continuing your streak. Little characters are sending you “high fives” and accolades for your progress with stats of your accomplishments. There are also friends of yours on the app you can enter challenges with and send emojis like stars or nudges to cheer them on for their success.

Reading 

Cue: Replacing the phone charger on your night stand with a personal development book.

Craving: Wanting to improve your mindset, your brain, your relationship, or whatever other topic is important to you.

Response: Read a minimum of two pages before bed (this is a little tip here if you’re starting this reading habit, start with just two pages!)

Reward: Feeling accomplished with each turn of the page. Feeling more rested and ready for bed from reading verses scrolling TikTok and its harsh blue light and EMFs.

An excellent book I want to share with you about training your brain is called LIMITLESS by Jim Kwik. The book is all about intellectual wellness and how you can become better at using your brain through various exercises and techniques. 

These three habits require a little more conscious effort than cracking knuckles or biting nails, but through self-directed neuroplasticity, they can become effortless habits in our daily lives. Connect to the feeling; the reward each of these habits gives you and you’ll be improving your intellectual wellness!

[12:50] The Spiritual

In the last couple episodes of the series I share specific “spiritual tools” for each habit. For this episode I will share a few different spiritual tools to support you in this particular area of wellness rather than each specific habit. 

Here are five crystals that can improve mental health [source] 

Clear Quartz: is known to amplify energy, support concentration, memory and can aid in balancing your energetic system. It can also help with clarity in thoughts and intentions.

Green Tourmaline: is meant to be beneficial for studying and concentration since it stimulates mental activity and can increase creativity.

Green Aventurine: helpful in concentrating on studies as it has been known to help inventors focus on ideas, artists concentrate during work, and athletes and dancers as well.

Red Jasper: Enhances energy and helps feel more calm and stable during difficult situations. Can provide calmness and concentration during stress.

Blue Lace Agate: a gemstone for concentration, increasing creative thinking and improving communication, especially if you’re studying a foregin language. Sounds like I need to get me some blue lace agate for my confident and sexy trip to France. Hahaha 

Here are five essential oils that can help with supporting your intellectual wellness:

Basil: the oil of renewal can bring strength to the heart and relaxation to the mind. It’s excellent for feelings of nervousness, anxiousness, or despair. It helps anyone who is under mental strain by bringing rejuvenation of vital forces after long periods of burnout and exhaustion. It is also helpful in recovery from negative habits.

Blue Tansy: the oil of inspired action supports people in taking action to change or transform circumstances, especially if they are feeling stagnant. It encourages people to live in alignment with the whispering of their inner voice, prompting them to make necessary changes. 

Dill: the oil of learning helps us to learn new things, think rationally, and integrate different thoughts into coherent ideas. It encourages us to embrace the many facets of life by engaging in the learning process and challenges us to become self-motivated learners and to find excitement for discovering new things. 

Green Mandarin: the oil of pure potential. This bright and cheerful aroma reminds us that we have direct access to pure potential and boundless opportunities. It encourages us to experience the joy in the journey and never stop becoming.

Rosemary: the oil of knowledge and transition assists in the development of true knowledge and true intellect. It brings expansion to the mind, supporting individuals in receiving new information and new experiences.

Before we wrap up I do have a few little ritual notes I want to make. When you’re learning something new you often hear of the “learning curve.” this is a literal graphical curve that represents the relationship between how proficient people are at a task and the amount of experience they have [source]

The curve is steeper in the beginner because we are usually a little overwhelmed with all the information about this new skill or topic. It’s important to take small steps, and even some breaks when learning new things. 

Make your new habits simple as you begin them, like my tip about reading for two minutes or only two pages a day. You don’t have to finish the whole book in one sitting! That’s not how habits are formed.

Try taking a course or workshop with a friend and sign up together, share excitement, compare notes, etc.

If you’re learning a new language, try different methods to see what works for you. Maybe you can hire a tutor, or have a bilingual friend/neighbour you can practice with. Duolingo works really well for me for how I want to learn, and in the past immersing myself in language and culture has been exponentially beneficial, and I also understand that we can’t always do that. It’s important to learn little by little every day and improve over time with methods and practices that work best for us.

I know this was a pretty heavy science episode, and I’m sure there will be a few episodes that are more spiritual and wooey haha

Over the next couple weeks we have some special guests on the show and then we’ll return to the series again! Find me on instagram @vallavignelife and share some of your habits with me! I love meeting you!

Also, if you’re interested in building new habits, routines, rituals, or supporting your intellectual wellness, connect with me and we can set up a call to see if we’re the best fit for each other. As a Healthy Habit Mentor I’ve been able to support my clients in all areas of their health, and we’ve even been able to watch all areas of health and wellness improve, even though we’ve focused on one specific area, the others grew! You can email me at www.valerielavignelife.com/contact and let me know you’re interested in ways to work with me so we can meet virtually. 

Take care for now!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E190: Emotional Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part Two of The Science & The Spiritual Series

In today's episode learn about balancing the four brainwaves for building better emotional habits such as: practicing mindfulness, cultivating positive self-talk, and creating time management skills.

Plus spiritual tools and practices like: crystals, essential oils, meditations and journal prompts to support these habits!

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[00:28] Hello there and welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. There is an interesting evolution to how today’s topic has come into manifestation!

It started as a listener request/suggestion from Ceri. She asked “about different types of habits and how to incorporate them; physical, mental, emotional, etc.” As I started to create an episode with all sorts of different habits I realized this would be much more helpful as a series!

So welcome to part two of the science & the spiritual series! Today is all about emotional habits and how to incorporate them using scientific research on habit formation and spiritual tools like crystals, essential oils, and more!

To keep the series flowing, I thought it would be more beneficial to really understand the scientific concepts of our brain and habits if we focused on one scientific method per episode.

In part one we discussed the power of WHY and intention behind your habits with the benefits of physical habits including: regular exercise, eating more vegetables, and getting quality sleep.

Episode 189: Physical Habits & How to Incorporate Them, Part One of The Science & The Spiritual Series

Each episode in the series corresponds to one of the seven dimensions of wellness, and this episode covers Emotional wellness. I loved a description of this dimension I found online so I’m going to read it to you and source it in the show notes page:

[02:10] Emotional Wellness

“Emotional wellness is a dynamic state that fluctuates frequently with your other six dimensions of wellness. Being emotionally well is typically defined as possessing the ability to feel and express human emotions such as happiness, sadness, and anger. It means having the ability to love and be loved and achieving a sense of fulfillment in life. Emotional wellness encompasses optimism, self-esteem, self-acceptance and the ability to share feelings.”

[source] 

Looks like we’re going deep today! Let’s work with three habit examples in the emotion wellness categories: practicing mindfulness, cultivating positive self-talk, and creating time management skills.

[03:02] Mindfulness; Tuning into Thoughts & Feelings

Mindfulness is a common topic on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast and I searched the archives to find an episode I think would really compliment today’s episode. If you’re interested in making mindfulness a regular practice, check out episode 131: How to Incorporate Mindfulness Daily. 

While mindfulness may have started as a spiritual concept, over the past few decades, more researchers have been studying and explaining the biology of mindfulness. In fact, studies have demonstrated that mindfulness can reduce depression, anxiety, boost the immune system, help pain management, and support you in releasing unhealthy habits. All in as little as 8 weeks of consistent practice. 

Mindfulness is described as moment-to-moment awareness of ourselves and our environment and has been adapted from Buddhist practices. While there are many ways to practice mindfulness, a common one, and one that has been research driven is meditation. Before you roll your eyes… Let me just say that there are a million ways to meditate and I can assure you that with some experimentation, you will be able to find a style that works best for you.

My favourite app that has thousands of free meditations is Insight Timer

And if you really want to go deep into understanding the effects of meditation on the brain, you MUST READ Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza. 

[04:58] Meditation & Brainwaves: The Science

When it comes to The Science of Meditation and its Effects on the Brain, Dr. Joe Dispenza is my go-to expert. He completely breaks down the process through real-life case studies behind miraculous healing in the body with the brain scans and knowledge base to back it all up. If you or someone you know needs the scientific evidence or language, then this is my recommended resource for you. [source]

For the purpose of today’s episode I will describe the changes in the brain simply:

In our day-to-day lives, our brains operate analytically and logically on the conscious level. Through meditation we can move from the conscious mind to the unconscious mind, and what separates the conscious and unconscious is the analytical mind.

Our unconscious mind is where all of our habits are stored, all of our automated behaviours. They live here because we’ve repeated them so many times that they become unconscious. This includes good and bad habits.

If we want to change our bad habits we need to find a way to get beyond our critical and analytical mind/thinking and go into that subconscious mind to rewrite those unhealthy automatic behaviours. 

The research-driven formula for these types of change has to do with changing the brain waves. More specifically slowing the brain waves from beta to alpha, to theta, and delta.

Brainwaves are electrical impulses in the brain. We can’t feel them, but with advanced technology we can monitor them if we want to and have the technology.

Beta brainwaves bring conscious awareness to our external environment. This is our analytical mind. They help us connect with and make meaning of what’s going on around us. 

Alpha brainwaves happen when our bodies and minds start to relax, typically through meditation. The brain gets more organized, focused and coherent; feelings of joy and love, relaxation and imagination can be experienced in this wave. It’s also a helpful state for problem solving and creative visualization.

Theta brainwaves are experienced as our meditation practice deepens. Theta can also be experienced while we dream, and through our ascending in our meditation practice. This is a powerful state and is connected to our creative brain power. In this state it might feel like you’re having a deeply spiritual experience that goes beyond the logical borders of space and time. Learning, memory can be supported when theta is present in the brain.

Lastly, delta brainwaves. These patterns are mostly present in our deep sleep state, however they can also be seen in meditative states in combination with other brainwaves. Although it connects to the quantum field - which can never be consciously understood - this is a subconscious state where our intuition and gut feelings come from.

The goal is to reach a high performing and awakened mind by balancing all four brainwave states. The beta activity brings conscious awareness, alpha brings creativity, theta creates a relaxed connection with the subconscious and delta connects us with the quantum field to allow intuitive inspiration to come through to our conscious awareness.

[source] 

[09:18] Mindfulness & Meditation: The Spiritual 

As meditation is rooted in a spiritual practice, I would suggest having an intention when sitting down to meditate. Be that to breathe deeper, calm the nervous system, be open to receiving creative downloads, whatever is meaningful to you. You want the intention to challenge you, and inspire you!

Some “spiritual” tools you can use for your meditations are: 

Crystal: I found a list of the best crystals for mindfulness, and the first crystal on the list is obsidian and the blog post says:

“If you're stuck in a negative thinking cycle, consider adding Obsidian into your meditation. Obsidian, often known as the "psychic vacuum cleaner," absorbs and clears irritability and tension, making you groundedand aware of your thoughts. It's an excellent stone for eliminating any prior negative or emotional harm. In addition, it has powerful metaphysical properties that can help defend you from unwanted influences.” [source]

Essential Oil: Sandalwood which is the oil of “Sacred Devotion” is a lovely grounding scent that supports prayer, meditation, and other spiritual practices. It has been used since ancient times for its powerful ability to calm the mind, still the heart, and prepare the spirit to commune with “God” the Universe, Spirit, etc. It helps in quieting the mind in order for us to hear a more subtle voice of Spirit or Higher Self and helps us let go of material attachments.

You may already know that the asana yoga practice, (or yoga poses) was actually created with the intention of moving the body to prepare it for meditation. The idea is to get the body moving and twisting and turning, so that afterwards, when you’re sitting in meditation you are not moving around or distracted by your body and thoughts. If you are interested in starting a yoga practice, or if you already have one, consider habit stacking, and add in meditation following your yoga practice. 

[11:55] Positive Self Talk

Our second emotional habit example for today’s episode is Positive Self-Talk. Again, this is a topic we’ve discussed on the podcast before, and actually one of our top 10 episodes is all about this! Check out Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk if this is a habit you want to build. 

Self-talk is the running dialogue in our heads. It’s basically when we’re talking to ourselves in our mind. Everyone has this inner narrative, but we don’t often spend so much time actually thinking about what the heck it’s going on about. The important truth is that our self-talk has a much bigger influence on the way we see ourselves and the world we live in, than we realize.

[12:49] Positive Self-Talk: The Science

Positive self-talk is a kind and confident way of thinking, and talking to ourselves. To create our positive self-talk habit, let’s use our science combined with three key steps.

1. Put on your “Investigator Hat” and identify self-talk traps

This will be something you want to do every day. Noticing when and where you are falling into the negativity. You are becoming more mindful of your thoughts, actions, and more aware of this inner dialogue. 

As you are doing this, you might notice certain situations that are more likely to cause more negativity. Like when an introvert is attending a networking or social event.Noticing the “traps” can help us to swap our negative self-talk to something more positive and encouraging.

This method requires us to be in our beta brainwave state. We are thinking critically and analytically. The key here is to investigate without judgment. Noticing, not judging. We recognize that we’re speaking in our negative self-talk, but we don’t beat ourselves up more than we already are, we just notice. Bringing awareness is so important for breaking through these negative cycles, and it may take some time. Give yourself grace through this step.

2. Use Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations can be an excellent tool and practice for improving our self-talk. You can practice positive affirmations to set the tone for the day, or to prepare yourself before a self-talk trap.

A great way to practice affirmations is through meditation. And repeating the affirmation over and over in your mind. In this practice, you will want to be in the alpha brainwave state. When your body and mind is starting to relax and get more focused, organized and coherent. The state where you are experiencing more feelings of joy and love which is perfect for positive self-talk! And since it’s also a state where relaxation and imagination can be experienced, you may be able to plant seeds of positivity in your mind that grow and support you ongoing.

3. Keep a Self-Esteem JournalJournaling can be a very powerful and effective tool for making lasting mindset shifts. One of the reasons why it is so effective is because you are activating multiple parts of your brain when you put pen to paper. And depending on what you’re writing about it can help expand and amplify your topic: like positive self-talk for example.

The two types of journal I recommend are a Gratitude Journal and an Emotions Journal.The gratitude journal is a list of what you are grateful for specifically that day, as well as why you are grateful for it. Recalling your daily gratitudes helps you return to the feeling of gratitude and brings more of what you’re grateful for.

An Emotions Journal has specific prompts that help you investigate your mindset and encourage you to think positively about different parts of your day.

To help you start your emotions journal, here are some prompts:I felt proud of myself today when I…The highlight of my day was…One of my best attributes is…I am excited about…My biggest success this week was…

Writing requires us to be in the beta and/or alpha states, however in these journaling practices, I encourage you to actively feel what you are writing about. Feeling gratitude and appreciation, feeling proud, feeling excited, feeling the feelings from the successful parts and highlights of the day. This will release dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins which is a similar feeling to a runner’s high. These are chemicals responsible for feelings of happiness and pleasure.

[17:53] Positive Self-Talk: The Spiritual

Crystal: Citrine, which is known for its sunny energy and orange-yellow-gold-colour. It clears blockages, negative thoughts, or instibillities by replacing those feelings with positive vibrations and optimism. 

Essential Oil: Bergamot is the oil of “Self-Acceptance” – one of my favourites! It relieves feelings of despair, self-judgment and low self-esteem, and supports our need for self-acceptance and self love. It invites us to see with more optimism. Bergamot awakens hope and offers courage to share our inner selves while cleansing stagnant feelings and limiting belief systems. 

Mindful Practices:

When you catch yourself saying something negative (i.e you’re in a negative self-talk “trap”), try holding space for yourself by taking a mindful breath. Forgive yourself for saying something not so friendly, and swap it with something more friendly. It’s important that the new positive self-talk switch is TRUE for you. For example if you catch yourself looking in the mirror and thinking your hair looks flat and bad, you can take a breath and say sorry (because you would never speak that way to a friend!) and you can swap it with, I’m proud of you for showing up today. Or I love your strength, etc.

[20:32] Time Management Skills

The final example for today’s episode of emotional habits is all about Time Management Skills - which truthfully is kind of ironic because I’m actually producing this episode a little late - OOPS!

But all things considered, I run two businesses, produce a podcast, maintain healthy relationships, and take care of my mind/body/soul, so some things slide here and there. That’s part of positive self-talk, am I right!?

Of course, I’ve got a complimentary podcast episode for Time Management Skills, Episode 182: Taking the Overwhelm Out of Your To Do List

[21:23] Time Management: The Science

I’m not going to go into too much depth with the science because I’ve already talked a lot about today’s scientific theme - the brainwaves, so here’s what you need to know about the brainwaves and time management:

If we are constantly moving from one task to another, if we are consistently unorganized with our time and we’re late or forgetful, or always on the go-go-go… we are stuck in our beta brainwave state.

We are always going to be thinking analytically and critically, which leaves little to no room for creativity, joy, love, unique problem solving, deep healing, and rewiring bad/old habits.

When we can properly manage our time, it allows us to create balance and spaciousness in our schedules and lives. We have room for the things that matter to us, space for surprises and invitations, and we’re capable of “thinking outside of the box” because we are able to slow down and be present. 

So if you have been experiencing feelings of overwhelm, lack of creativity, plans or details have been falling through the cracks it’s time to stop and reevaluate the schedule and how much we’re taking on – I’m also talking to myself here.

[22:55] Time Management: The Spiritual

Crystal: Smoky Quartz. If there’s a lot going on in your life right now and your headspace is feeling clouded or thrown off, stop what you’re doing, take a break and give yourself a moment with smoky quartz. 

“This crystal will help to reduce anxiety, stress and anything else that hinders you from focusing on the task at hand. You can now move forward in a more grounded state.” [source] 

Essential Oil: Lemon, which is the oil of “Focus.” This citrusy aroma engages the mind and increases concentration. It supports the emotional body, but its major effects are experienced in the mental field. It’s a wonderfully crisp scent that helps improve our ability to focus and moves us from confusion to clarity. It’s also very restorative bringing us into mental flexibility and drive to complete a project. 

The last spiritual tool or practice I wanted to share with you is one I learned from a previous guest on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. Her name is Tara McCrory.
Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect to Your Intuition

She uses a pendulum to ask yes or no questions and one of the practical ways you can do this is with your to do list of the day. 

Write out your list and number the items 1 through however many tasks you have, and then using your pendulum, go down the list to see if this is the task you start with instead of just going down in the order you wrote things down.

Not to get too off topic, but if you’re into Human Design and you are either a Generator or Manifesting Generator, then you don’t need a pendulum, you naturally have to ability to respond to yes or no questions, and you can go down the list without the pendulum.

Okay friend we’ve come to the end of our second part of the Science & The Spiritual Series. Thank you so much for joining me today! I am off to go on a solo road trip to see my family in the states, next week's episode features a brand new guest to the show! And after that we will continue our series. 

If you’re on instagram, hit me up! @vallavignelife screenshot this episode, tag me in stories, slide into those dms say hello! Engage with the content let me know you’re a listener of the show - it makes my day to connect with you! 

Meet you here next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E188: Prioritizing Yourself is Not Selfish with Kaylie

Join Kaylie and I as she describes the impact and surprises of overcoming fears of discipline to create a daily movement practice while juggling an inconsistent entertainment career and living in a tiny home in the woods!

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[01:20] Valerie: Kaylie! Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited that we are talking together today. It is also just really lovely to see your face. How are you? 

Kaylie: I'm well. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm doing really well. I'm, I feel like I'm thriving. And yeah, I'm super happy to be invited to share after all these years of following you and following what you're doing. So thanks. 

Valerie: I have like tears in my eyes because I remember when we met at Moon course in San Marcos and it was such a unique experience and such a memorable experience and I still look back and I have this book that I share with people, and they still look back and all the things you wrote in the book and I know because you wrote in this orange marker.

So whenever I read it, I always, always, always see what you wrote. And so it's really lovely that we've been able to stay connected for all these years now. It's so amazing. So yeah, welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to creating some of the healthy habits that you're currently committed to. 

Kaylie: Yeah, so I am a circus artist entertainer for my job. I'm a freelance artist to all you Yeah, my schedule changes a lot. I'll work for different companies on different contracts ranging from one day to three months long and so yeah, so that's what I do for work. I live in the woods when I'm not performing and I have Yeah, just this lovely, off grid, small, tiny house in the woods that, like nourishes me so much.

And yeah, and I don't know, like, I'm amazed that I was able to create healthy habits to be honest, because for the longest time, like most of my 20s I was this go with the flow, like I'm just gonna do what I feel like doing. I'm gonna sleep in every day that I can and you know, discipline is like an evil word. And I'm just this free spirit, you know, and I know you relate to that and you're just saying similar things.

[03:57] Yeah, so yeah, I guess I don't really know when it happened, actually. I think it was just before (0V!D started I, for so many years. I'm like, I want to, you know, be more physically flexible. Oh, I want to meditate. I want these things but I never wanted to put the time and effort in and then I not sure really what happened maybe I just like matured a bit but all of a sudden it I saw the like freedom in the discipline and the IP like got joy from waking up early and doing these things that were healthy for me. And yeah, and I'm just so grateful that I had that shift in perspective because, yeah, it's helped me.

You know, grow and be more healthy as a person and also grow in my job and just be more well rounded and happy.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that for you. It's so funny that you are saying all these things because when I met you that's literally what we're talking about is like, over free spirits. Oh, we wander the earth and we figure it out as we go.

There's so much beauty in that but there's also a scarcity that can creep up with you and like the uncertainty can be quite jarring as we all have experienced collectively now.

But I giggle when you're like discipline, a bad word. I totally agree. Well, I did. I agree at what point things have changed a little bit since then. But what is really amazing to me is how I've met this person who is this complete, free spirit, you know goes against the structure and the shirts and the to do list and the checklist and all those things. And then you signed up for a workshop that I did about healthy habits and you signed up for the I don't know if she knows what this is about.

You did , you knew exactly what you're signing up for. Yeah. And it was really cool to see if it was the maturity or the change of heart and especially to someone who not only are you someone who originally believed that discipline couldn't give you the freedom that it has allowed you now but also the fact that your schedule is always changing. like there's so many inconsistencies just naturally occurring in your life. I mean, you live in the forest. I know we've talked about this in the winter, you didn't have power, For example, like yeah, what has helped you through those types of inconsistencies? If you have habits, or sorry, I didn't even ask what happened, did you build, and then how did you stay consistent with it?

Kaylie: Yeah, um, so my, the first habits that I built was movement, right? Like as soon as I woke up, I would do movement, and sometimes that would be yoga. Sometimes I would be dancing. Sometimes it would just be like intuitive movement. And then I would usually follow that up with some meditative seated meditation.

And I just started and then didn't stop, you know, I didn't have a goal. I didn't have like, oh, I want to do this for 10 days or 30 days. I just was like, I'm gonna do it today. And then, you know, a year and a half later, I'm still doing it.

And that's Yeah, that's really nice. And wait, you had another question? What was the other question? 

Valerie: Yeah. So I know that you started your movement habit, which is incredible because it's so much more effort. I think those physical habits can be so much more effort mentally, physically, emotionally. But how is it that you are able to stay so consistent with that daily movement with things like schedule changes or just you are moving and how you live in the woods and there's things that come up that, you know, they might not come up where I live in a townhouse.

Like how did you deal with all those different changes and inconsistencies? 

Kaylie: Yeah, to be honest, it's hard. It is like I really notice how my outer world influences my inner world and vice versa. Like, if I'm not waking up in my own space, how it is harder for me to to find the time or if you know if I was awake way later than I wanted to be because of because I was performing Then in the mornings I'm so much more sluggish and I'm not, you know, super interested in moving.

But I guess I'd really, I'd be like, splurged and bought myself a really nice yoga mat and was like, I'm just gonna carry this everywhere and it doesn't matter if I'm not in my own space because like this yoga mat is my space. You know, as long as they have room to put it down like this is the home that I need for my morning. Practice. Even though it's tricky, and you know, I'm not perfect. I know I don't do it every single morning but I really try to simplify my routine so that it is the most accessible when things around me may not be ideal. I can still access this just simple, just have my yoga mat and prioritize myself.

[09:47] Valerie: That's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like the sacred that's amazing. I love that you said that your yoga mat is like this sacred space for you. And it's such a great idea. And you're right. It's so simple. Like I want to do chef's kiss like I'm perfect.

​Because you can take that anywhere with you and I think that's something that people forget often is that you have to be in the same space at the same time on the same day. And it has to be the same pencil that I write with or the same soap that I use or whatever it is. And although those types of things can help us automate what we're doing, it can also be really helpful to have a few consistencies when things are inconsistent. So whether you're traveling or working somewhere else, or your schedule changes, absolutely I think anyone can do that. 

Kaylie: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I also find that spending money on something is like a huge motivator. so I'm like, okay, if I bought myself a nice yoga mat, like I gotta use it now.

Valerie: Yeah, exactly. And I think knowing that about yourself will help you in the future because it's like, Okay, I'm ready to invest. Financially, which is now I'm also energetically ready to invest or I'm all also energetically ready to exchange things. Yes. For what you want. Yeah. Well, this might have this might be the answer to my next question, but what was something that really surprised you when you started working on your daily movement practice? 

Kaylie: Mm hmm. I had, I feel like I had a few surprises. Like, initially, my surprise was how easy it was. You know, it's like I built it up to be this really difficult, impossible thing in my head. And then, when I was doing it, I was like, wow, it's actually so simple and so easy.

ot every day necessarily, but once I got consistent, I was like, wow, it's yeah, it just like it flowed so much easier than I think I expected it to in a way and I've noticed this with other habits that I've adopted since like, when I'm primed and when I've set myself up for success. Success comes easily, you know, it's not it's not this huge struggle that I need to keep fighting for which sometimes it is, but overall, I'd say the habits that I'm most ready for will come super easily. And so that initially was a big surprise for me because yeah, I just had this idea about myself that I couldn't be disciplined but once they kind of, I guess, change that thought about myself, then, you know, my actions changed.

So that was yeah, that was one big surprise.

Another one was, I guess, yes, kind of what I touched on before realizing how my space around me affected my internal space and vice versa. And so I think it made me more aware of what's, you know, what I do let around me, you know, do I go to bed with a big clutter in my room that I'm going to wake up to tomorrow? or do I tidy up right now so that I can wake up to a nicer space and you know, and just be that much in a better space in the morning?

As just one example. But yes, that that really kind of was something I didn't expect to learn or to become aware of just that much more aware of?

[13:40] Valerie: Totally. It's so interesting, because I really I really felt the words that you said which was, you didn't think you'd be someone who would be disciplined then later you're talking about how easy the daily movement was and how things just flowed? And it's so common because I get I can totally relate to this and how we think like discipline structure, it has to be this it has to be that when really it's, it's this beautiful, kind of like, polarity, but it works in unison of like things will flow with the right discipline and then you also said, priming yourself and setting yourself up for success. is one of those is one of those things, like clearing your space and setting yourself up for the day before like what are some examples you have to set yourself up for success with your habits? 

Kaylie: Yeah, I actually learned a lot about this from you. And, yeah, so I'm super grateful. But yeah, like I mentioned, you know, tidying my space, setting up my yoga mat if, if that's what I feel will, you know, will help me fill my water. glass full of water because I love drinking water in the morning. Setting out clothes if I know, sometimes I like to wake up and go outside or go you know, outdoors and so I'll yeah, I'll prepare what I'm wearing. Yeah, those are just really small things that kind of add up to be that much more helpful in the morning.

Valerie: Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, like, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Yeah, it's so funny too, because I feel like so many people want to know, how do I make the best morning routine? Like Alright, well, a good morning routine always starts with a good evening routine. So let's look at that. And again, it's the polarities, or it's like how these two kinds of, quote unquote opposite things work together. So yeah, I'm so glad that was a takeaway for you if that was helpful.

Kaylie: Yeah, well, I think one thing that comes to mind initially like instantly is that it helped in my relationships with other people.

You know, I would be in a better mood after after moving and meditating and I think my you know, my partner, my homies they were see what I'm doing and it would kind of give them permission as well to take that time to Yeah, to invest in themselves first thing in the morning or any time of day, really. And so it would just like kind of everyone would be in better moods and more intuitive themselves and I found Yeah, I found that really helped with my with my relationships, which was another surprise for me you know, that's not something I necessarily expected or it wasn't a goal for me, but it's very welcomed outcome.

Yeah, and then just, I think, well, you've touched on habit stacking as well. Something I learned from you and so, you know, just creating that one goal, or that one habit, sorry.

I felt like it impacted me like creating a second or third or fourth just became that much easier. And I felt like oh, you know, I can do this. And so yeah, there was a while I had like, five or six daily habits.

And like everything, it fluctuates, so now I have a bit, a bit less but you know, just to feel like oh, I can do this.

And it just was a competence booster. Yeah, so it's just overall like a super positive impact.

Valerie: I love to hear that. I get goosebumps when people share that like their partner or their husbands, like you said, start to recognize this for themselves. And I think that it's so powerful because we really don't realize who's watching us. We don't really realize the impact that we're making all the time. I know you and I talked about this before, in how it's nice to have a service to help compliments from some people who maybe don't see them every day or just nice to receive compliments in general, because you're like, oh, yeah, I didn't realize that. That's how I showed up or that's how I made me feel like thank you for letting me know that I've helped you in this way.

Yeah, that's so cool. And it's so beautiful, again, like I've always talked about exchanging energy but it is such a beautiful exchange of energy to say like, Hey, I'm doing this for me. This is permission for you to also do things for you and collect to make a better pair a better relationship a better community.

[19:15] Kaylie: I really Yes. Not selfish, putting yourself first is not selfish. Which is huge. I need it written across my forehead.

Valerie: Oh my god, we all do.

Kaylie: Well the chair I was sitting on just broke.

Valerie: Oh gosh, I was wondering where you went, are you okay?

Kaylie: Yeah, it’s a little kid’s stool. So it serves me right.

Valerie: I love it. Just breaking through the barriers! Alright my dear, my last question for you is, for someone who’s interested in starting a new habit, what advice would you give them?

Kaylie: Well, first advice would be to follow out and listen to all her advice because she's amazing. And knows all the good things. 

And then I would also say, take small steps. You know, it doesn't mean you don't have to commit to something huge. It can be simple. It can be bite sized changes.

I think that one thing that helps me create my habit is that I didn't overwhelm myself with a big goal. I was just like, Oh, I'm gonna do this today. ANd oh, it sounds good. So yeah, so I think take small steps and take time afterwards to see how you feel about it.

You know, it's great to do a positive activity, but if you're not really acknowledging the good feelings that it brings you. It can easily kind of get forgotten or swept aside. So like, take a moment and just recognize how you feel after Yeah, and how, how it shifted your energy doing this. This healthy habit, whatever that healthy habit is created. 

[21:21] Valerie: And it's so great to do the small steps because it really especially when you are looking back on it, you are tapping into how you're feeling and the impact it is making on yourself. It's like you're not only gaining like, Oh, you're more flexible and I'm more physically fit because this was a habit. But I'm also more confident in myself and in my own growth and in the things that I want to achieve and in the bigger goals that I do want to create or think about or dream about. And I know I have said this to you personally, but it really is beautiful to see your growth from when we met to when we work together on your habits to now to and to continue to see this growth and that's like a really beautiful, soulful connection to I was telling Kelly before we were recording how your habits are so you and they're not because of anyone else and they're what you want and what facility you and you bring and I can see it I can see how much joy they bring me because it's like you've decided that this is for you. And that's such a strong foundation to continue to stack your habits. So thank you again so much for being on the show. This has been an amazing conversation and I'm so excited to see more. 

Kaylie: Thank you so much Vall, I know we don't get to see each other much at all in person but I really appreciate your online presence and all the positive impact on my life. So thank you so much.

Well there you have it! Prioritizing yourself is not selfish, but just the opposite! It inspires the people around you to prioritize their own self care and supportive routines. Our habits can be a lot easier than we make them out to be. If you’re struggling to create a healthy habit and are looking for valuable support and meaningful transformation, visit VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/MENTORSHIP to get started.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E187: June 2022 Alignment Report

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne – It is SO GREAT to have you here today!

We are officially wrapping up another month, and there are some business rituals and routines I practice around month end, or first of the month; around this time essentially.

[00:49] Something I do at the beginning of every month is what I call an Accountability Meeting. You can get a behind the scenes look at this in episode 132.

Okay, back to the Accountability Meeting. This is a meeting I have with myself where I go through the previous month and track certain things in my business. I also use this time to set goals for the upcoming month. I’ve been doing this for YEARS and the ritual has evolved a little over time, which is great because my business has also evolved over the years.

I’ve recently started changing a few things in my accountability meeting, and I’ve adapted these new changes from a dear friend of mine, Chantelle. Chantelle is an Educator for Entrepreneurs and has a podcast called Aligned Action – I’ll link to her website + podcast.

Chantelle has not only been a great business bestie of mine, but we’ve also worked together on several projects including my website and branding, my pilates studio’s website, and hosting each other on the podcasts.

I enjoy her well-thought-out podcast episodes, and usually listen to them while I’m out for a “Hot Girl Walk” – which side note can we change this trend to “Healthy Girl” putting it out there!!

Anyway, on Chantelle’s podcast she has a series you could call it, which is a monthly Alignment Report. It’s super similar to my monthly accountability meeting and I’ve recently adapted her alignment report as part of my monthly meeting.

Chantelle goes over:

What felt in alignment?

What didn’t feel in alignment?

And meaningful actions she took that month.

My adaptation is:

What felt good + how can I experience more of this?

What didn’t feel good + how can I improve or adjust this moving forward?

What actions did I take to stretch myself out of my comfort zone + any specific meaningful actions?

Okay so it’s super similar LOL but I do have some other parts of my meeting that are different from these questions.

I really do enjoy this Alignment Report, so as a way of shamelessly promoting my friend (who isn’t an official sponsor btw), and also taking you behind the scenes into my business and life, I am sharing my June Alignment Report with you!

Here we go!

[03:38] THE GOOD

Let’s start with the good:

I started the month with a really cool Funnels workshop and it wasn’t what I expected at all. It wasn’t your usual webinar with a step-by-step formula, but instead a model that allowed for customization and intimacy with your customers for a more organic customer experience. I’m really excited to implement more of this into my own business – coming soon.

At the beginning of the month I also blocked off an entire day just for “ME!” I got my hair done, my nails done, and made reservations at a local Mexican restaurant with THE BEST SPICY MARGARITAS in town! I really enjoyed this day and it felt very in alignment and also gave me such great energy and high vibes for the month.

This was my first month on TikTok – follow me @vallavignelife – and I intended to post once a day, which was going great for like 9 days and then… woomp/woomp I’ll talk more about that later. HOWEVER in alignment was that I threw myself out there and had fun and the feedback has been awesome! Reworking my strategy for this for sure!

One of the new members of the Healthy Habit Membership and I had a 1:1 call this month and it was a follow up call from the month before. She’s been implementing a new evening routine to help her have more meaningful and supportive mornings. I really want to share something that has been working really well for her with this new routine is actually that she has TWO different evening and morning routines because she works two very different jobs.

We kept it very simple with evening routine A and evening routine B, for job A and job B. With an easy-to follow outline or checklist of things she chose to include in each of the routines. It might sound like a lot for starting a new habit, but she was already incorporating these things into her routines, what she lacked was consistency. 

To help her she printed off one of my basic trackers and wrote out the two different evening and morning routines on the back and made any notes inside the tracker on the front. We did this together. I know it’s simple, but sometimes these super simple actions don’t get done BECAUSE they’re so easy and we think we’re going to get to them later.

A month after our call, she had gotten into a great flow of morning routines, and we made some tweaks to the evening routine. From implementing this evening routine, we actually discovered that it would be more helpful if we made this her “PM” routine and she did the tasks right after work for a smoother transition into a more relaxing evening. So far it’s going really well for her!

I blocked out more time than usual for social events and dates with friends this month which felt really amazing. I was able to say YES to invitations like being a part of my friend Tasha’s photoshoot for her new meditation studio!

I also won a Fascia Stretch Therapy session at my gym and it was so wonderful and I definitely need more of this in my life.

The last thing that felt really great for me, and in alignment was getting back into sending out a weekly email, but this time doing it SOOOOO differently. Before I was batching the emails and they were boring and about each podcast episode – but like teasers of them. Anyways BLAH that’s boring hahaha

So now they’re fun and I write them within 72 hours of sending it so it’s more real-time, real-emotions sort of deal. I also have a new section to the email called “Keepin’ it Fresh!” This will be a little different each week with links to funny videos, cool finds, or items to shop. I’ve been collecting links and adding them to my notes app so I have a relevant library when I sit down to write the email.

All of these things were “HELL YES!” for me this month and I’m super grateful for them.

[10:30] THE BAD

Now… the not so great or aligned parts of my business and life.

This month was a real kick in the ass when it came to creativity. Oh My LANTA! I really struggled with producing content or cool ideas – nothing really excited me and I just really didn’t like that feeling. It took me some time, but I realized that I wasn’t actually “doing nothing,” but rather in a phase of YIN + receptivity. When I came to this realization and fully allowed myself to surrender it was like a veil had been lifted and I was able to connect a bit deeper to my creativity. But I REALLY had to let go – which was super challenging for me because I have a lot of type-A tendencies. If you haven’t already listened to last week’s episode called Flow Over Force, I talked a lot about this and how to shift into more of a flow state, even when you aren’t feeling so motivated to take action. 

This month on TikTok was really the beginning of an experiment, and if I’m being 100 percent honest I had no idea what I was doing and I was super scared because I heard a lot about bullies on TikTok LOL

So far I haven’t had any interactions with trolls, but I still don’t really know what I’m doing. I think the reason why this feels out of alignment is because:

1. The app isn’t about aesthetics – and if you’ve been on my instagram you know I’m about this and it’s one of the things I love about instagram (@vallavignelife) 

2. I haven’t been feeling that creative zhuzh + desire to take action so it’s really a combination of these things

In terms of changing things up and making improvements though: I’ve been doing a lot of “research” to see what the eff is going on over on the app and how I feel most comfortable showing up – I have some ideas and have been feeling more excited about them and about acting on them.

This month my boyfriend Craig and I were supposed to go camping. We took time off work, bought some new camping gear, packed for a two night adventure with lots of backcountry hiking, and we started driving to our destination. About half way through the drive (1.5 hours on the road) we checked the weather since it was touch and go thunderstorms and saw that it was going to start raining the moment we arrived and not really stop until we were scheduled to drive back home.

UUGGGH. Camping is already a challenge for us, but camping in the rain is pretty miserable. As much as it sucked to turn around and drive back home, we made the 3 days off worthwhile with some local hikes, sleeping in (in our comfy/warm/dry bed), and spending quality time together. The reason why I’m putting this in my not-aligned category is because I was secretly manifesting not doing it because I am not in as great of shape as I was last year when we did this hike - or the couple years before that when I also did a lot of intense hiking with a heavy pack. 

What’s even more tough for me to admit is that this wasn’t the last time this month that I was feeling anxious about something and was crossing my fingers that the rain would postpone and truth be told… this is NOT like me. Yes I get nervous, but I do NOT back out of things.

I am realizing that my lack of creativity and motivation has been trickling into other areas of my life and not in a positive way. It wasn’t until I really ALLOWED myself to be open and to receive and recognize that I was in a YIN state that I felt “safe” and “okay.” I was mostly experiencing guilt and shame.

The other event was a huge outdoor pilates class that I taught last year. Yes, last year I had butterflies in my tummy and there were 120 people there last year – but this year… This year I was super nervous and secretly not wanting to teach. It’s difficult for me to explain why, because I’m not really sure why – other than what I mentioned before and the lack of motivation.

HOWEVER I did teach the class, and it was really incredible, which actually leads me into the final section of this alignment report: 

[21:20] THE MEANINGFUL

The meaningful actions out of my comfort zone.

1. Posting videos on TIkTok despite my untrue fears of online bullies

2. Teaching an outdoor pilates class to around 80 people and feeling totally in my zone of genius while doing it + it reminded me how much I love pilates + love sharing it with people 

3. Visiting a new pilates studio out of town to try out a new teacher and space. I think this makes me a better teacher and studio owner 

4. Connecting to my gut-response. I’ve been asking myself “yes or no questions” and tapping into the gut instinct to make decisions. I’ve been using this strategy in as many areas of my business and life as possible – and it actually led me to creating this particular podcast episode, among other aligned opportunities!

5. I started working with my business coach and our second call is later today but so far it’s been amazing and I’m excited to see what will transpire!

6. Letting go of the need to take action and totally being in my feminine/receptive/yin phase and consciously allowing invitations and opportunities into my life!

Well I hope you liked this new podcast episode and I guess it was also a bit of a behind the scenes into my business and life. Let me know what you thought of this episode by screenshotting the show + tagging me on instagram @vallavignelife or you can simply DM me there – a few more of the listeners have been connecting with me and I have to say I really LOVE IT!

If you aren’t yet on my email list and you want to be, you can download the Habit Tracker and/or Dream Life Roadmap some of my freebies that also get you access to my weekly email full of bonus goodies!

Share with me what felt good, bad, and meaningful for you this month, I’d love to hear it! Meet you here next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E186: Flow Over Force

There is magic in action… AND there is magic in in-action. It’s not about forcing ourselves through different energetic phases of our journey, but rather flowing through them…

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[00:29] Hello there! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor Valerie LaVigne.

If you’re new to the show, welcome! If you’ve been here with me for a while, thank you so much for joining me on this incredible journey of empowering women in their health, wealth, and happiness to live deeply meaningful lives.

And if you didn’t already know this, I have an intention for each episode in this podcast and this intention is to leave you feeling inspired to TAKE ACTION!

As a Healthy Habit Mentor I understand the importance of being in action and repetition to build better habits, routines, and rituals. It’s not about doing the habit one time, it’s about consistency and commitment, over and over again.

Very recently though I found myself in a stuck spot. I have been feeling creatively blocked, uninspired, unmotivated. I have been lacking excitement – and even when there is something I do feel excited about, the feelings are fleeting. 

[01:36] This lack of creativity was coupled with feelings of doubt, shame, and discomfort. It is very unusual and uncomfortable for me to feel this way. Many people know me to be creative! And energetically I have just wanted to do “nothing.”

My first thought was, “what can I do to shake up this stale energy?”

I tried moving my body at the gym, pilates, going for walks in nature, jumping around, dancing in the kitchen. All of those things were so fun and so great – but didn’t make me feel creative.

I tried connecting to the colour orange. The colour of our creative sacral energy centre. I ate orange foods, wore orange clothes, wrote with an orange pen… still not feeling super creative.

I tried writing, reading, pulling tarot and oracle cards, journal prompts, personality quizzes, flipping through magazines and after ALL THAT, still feeling pretty BLAH.

Hence the shame, the doubt, and this discomfort. 

If you receive and read my weekly emails, you would have read a little bit about this last week when I sent an email about feeling BLAH and how I hesitated to send it. I have type A tendencies and strong masculin energy, and those parts of me really wanted to push through this stuck spot.

But, as all of us do, I also have a feminine side to my energy. This side whispers “slow down, surrender, be present, be still.”

This was met with resistance. But in my email last week I shared that I was lying on the floor of my office, staring up at the beautiful big leaves of my Bird of Paradise plant. I’ve had this plant for several months and it is growing so big! As I was staring at the leaves I was really in touch with the lesson of allowing, of being. This plant was teaching me in the moment to exist without force and without action.

I wrote in my email that I still believe there is magic in action. There truly is so much growth and abundance and lessons through taking action.

And at this phase of my journey, I am learning how there is magic in in-action too. There is beauty in being. 

After vulnerably hitting send on the email last week, I also felt a sense of relief from sharing an honest truth. I decide to let go for the rest of the day and surrender my need to take action and just allow myself to open up and to receive.

Later that afternoon I had a call with my business coach and she led me through a meditation. In the meditation she asked me what shape I was. In my mind I saw a circle. It was the outline of the circle and it was a very thin line. I saw the circle as one continuous line, to me, a sign of limitlessness. Then this circle started to bend, it birthed a second identical circle. 

The two circles represented masculine and feminine. They connected to each other and shapeshifted again creating an infinity sign. I saw energy moving through this infinity sign, as if I was watching a birds-eye-view of a race car moving around a track – a never-ending flow. Like electricity in a current.

[05:21] The shape represented me, and I could see that my energy was currently moving through the feminine side. I am in the receiving phase vs the giving phase. I am being rather than doing.

It was a beautiful visual and I believe that because I let go of force, and chose to FLOW I was able to receive this creative download; this beautiful shapeshifting circle. 

After my coaching call I taught pilates classes – this feels more like a doing/giving mode, however I really enjoy being around my community and it also is being/receiving. The last class I teach is a Candlelit Slow Stretch and I brought an oracle card deck and pulled a card for each person in the class – including myself.

Guess what card I pulled!? “YIN” and let me read to you what the write-up says because I totally freaked out!

The essential meaning: the feminine principle of receptivity; letting someone else make the first move; gathering information and taking in cues; the art of conscious allowing. 

The oracle’s message; this is a time of calculated receptivity as you gracefully await what is coming to you, ready to accept it when it appears. Yin does not involve frozen dreams or even resting, but rather consciously allowing things to flow to you, poised to receive the bounty that will be made available to you. It implies sensitivity as you alertly study the actions of others and contemplate how they will affect you and yours. Remember you must make space for miracles to appear. Be the “shape” not the “shaper” and you’ll see how quickly your dreams manifest.

Are you hearing this!? First of all the YIN/feminine energy. Yin IS receiving and it is the balance from yang which is doing. I moved from forcing to consciously allowing flow, and then it says “be the shape, not the shaper” LIKE HOW CRAZY IS THAT!? I am totally still freaking out about this. 

WISDOM OF THE ORACLE CARDS

[08:29] Which is actually a great sign that I’m excited about something again and it isn’t a fleeting feeling.

Also, on the way home from work I received a call from my friend Tasha who was moved by my email and was frustrated for me – not because I was in a state of flow – but because she was like “Why is it that, women especially, are made to feel guilty because we’re not constantly busy or doing things?”

Which is a great question considering the feminine energy of yin is receiving. I recognize that feminine doesn’t only pertain to women, however innately we are born with both yin and yang energies and there is often a stronger connection to our feminine side as women.

All this to say, my intention for today’s episode is to share this personal story with you so that whether you are currently in a masculine or feminine flow, there is no guilt of being or doing; giving or receiving. 

[09:50] You can be in a creative flow of action, and you can also be in a creative flow of receiving. I am in the latter. 

This week I will be:

• Tapping into my intuition more including which tasks I take on, how I teach my classes, and what foods I want to eat and when

• Staying open to receiving invitations, compliments, gifts, aligned opportunities

• Supporting quality sleep to recharge and receive dream messages

• Allowing white space in my calendar for surprises, invitations, and miracles

My invitation to you is to ask yourself:

• How am I feeling?

• Do I feel in flow or in force?

• What can I do, or not do, to be in flow?

• What does being open to receive mean for me?

My mantra this week, if you also want to use it is: I am Open and Ready to Receive Aligned Gifts and Opportunities

Before you go: If you’re not already on the email list, download one of my freebies like the Habit Tracker Guide or the Dreamlife Road Map

I send out an email every Wednesday with some life updates, podcast extras, and some fun links/workshops/and sometimes videos I’ve stumbled upon and think you’d like too.

Have a wonderful week, and I’ll meet you here next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E185: Committing to Game-Changing Habits One Win at a Time with Rae

Today on the podcast I am thrilled to introduce you to one of my healthy habit coaching clients Rae! Rae has blown me and the community members away with her outstanding commitment to building some game-changing habits. Here’s her inspiring story!

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[01:10] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am extra excited to be here today with one of our incredible healthy habit members, Ray Ray is has been so generous to give us her time today because believe this or not, we already have this conversation and I forgot to hit record. So we are doing this for the second time. and I feel like this is just going to be so much better that by the end of this conversation, we're going to be like, Yeah, we definitely needed this second to take.

So, thank you so much, again, I can't thank you enough for being here.

Let's kick things off with: tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to creating some of the healthy habits that you are committed to currently?

Rae Gibson: And thank you all for taking the time to talk to me again. I'm very happy to be here. And I agree. I think this can only go better the second time.

So a little bit about me. I am married and I have two young kids. I've got a two year old son who is super active. And I've got a six year old daughter who is basically six going on 16 So my personal life is pretty hectic. And then on top of that I've got a fairly demanding full time job. And how I came to create healthy habits. I guess. It's you know, it was kind of one of those I called it a happy accident. The first time we chatted, but you know, I think it was really kind of a sign from the universe more than anything else. Really tied. In my life I was just honestly feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling a little bit stuck kind of in a rut and just feeling like I wasn't fully in control. I knew I had to make some changes and then a friend of mine, a Reiki healer, Tasha Romanelli, was posting in her Instagram feed about doing this 21 Day Health feed about doing this 21 Day healthy habit challenge and I thought oh my goodness, the timing is absolutely perfect. And then I just thought it was funny because of course at least I bought it and started to learn more about it.

Oh funny because of course as I signed on and started to learn more about it, I realized it was you with Apple and I had already been going to exhale. So I used just it kind of felt like everything fell into place and I was doing exactly what I should be doing.

Episode 102: Choosing Courage Over Fear with Tasha Romaneli

[03:44] VL: I love that. I'm glad you said this time around that it was a little bit more of a serendipitous sign that we connected because it's true and I I laughed when Tasha said Oh yeah, my client rate is doing a challenge and I was like, oh yeah but I already met Rae at the studio already!

So I'm so glad that these worlds collided. I'm so glad that you found out about the challenge through Tasha and I'm so glad we've already been connecting because to me, that is one of those like you said signs from the universe. And it's also a confirmation that like yeah, I should be doing this or I hate saying should. Yeah, I need to be doing this. I guess this is the right timing for me to start something new. So with everything going on in your very busy very full life. What were some of the health habits that you have? Created and are still committed to you are working on today?

RG: Yeah, I need to be doing this. I guess this is the right time for me to start something new. So with everything going on in your very busy very full life. What were some of the health habits that you have? Created and are still committed to what you are working on today? Yeah, the very first one that I had set out that I had set out for was trying to create a daily meditation practice. And of course, you know a coordinate such as you know, outlined, not just the funny you started with the feeling word. And then with the practice, where I started at first with the practice on it. So the meditation and the feeling I wanted felt focused at present and you know, I was so successful with that one, it felt amazing. And, you know, it was one of those situations where success breeds success. So I tried to try to maintain that as best possible and then layered on a movement.

Healthy habit. which as you know, I started out as wanting to do 30 minutes every day with a goal of feeling more energized. And as we started getting into our coaching calls, I was having a really hard time like the meditation was a little bit easier because 10 minutes a day, so I could sneak it into my day. and even if I was having funding a challenge to do that. I was just getting amazing support from my family to help be part of that time. But then adding on another 30 minutes today was a bit of a challenge but when I spoke and he gave me this great advice to, you know, kind of alleviate that time constraint and focus more on just the idea of incorporating that into my daily routine. that that just made things so much easier and it evolved, you know, and it was fluid. There were spin classes Some days. It was a walk and other days it was yoga.

So I started I moved on from meditation to that and then the next. The next one I wanted to go to was this idea of feeling rested. So, again, I started with really focusing on it wasn't a feeling word. it was the practice it was you know, I'd set out seven and a half hours sleep minimum consistent bedtime routine, and it felt like the universe threw everything at me to try and stop me from accomplishing that healthy habit.

You know, I think it was gosh my son had a sleep regression. I had international travel thrown in, was there were other, other things that came in from a work perspective.

But then you and I again chatted, we talked about focusing more on the feeling word which was “rested.” And that was just this huge aha moment. and it really shifted my mindset. It gave me the ability to be more open in my approach to get really creative. So rather than focusing on those specific habits I said I wanted to accomplish, I was trying to find other ways throughout the day to get back to that feeling “rested.”

And then the next one - feels like I've accomplished a lot in the time - that we've been working together. but the next one again is I actually started with that feeling word and I stole it from you. But it was: VIBRANT. 

Initially the idea was eating better so adding more fruits and vegetables to my plate which you know when we talked about this idea of vibrant color comes to mind so you know adding color to my diet and then I don't know it extended into different areas of my life. The clothes that I was choosing for myself, you know, even if I was out looking for something for the house trying to add a bit more color, more vibrancy. So can that we've got like 1,2,3,4.. FOUR healthy habits that I have.

[08:25] VL: You have accomplished more than you realize! In a very short amount of time in five months. You have five daily habits. This is her sorry for daily habits. This is incredible. And you are consistent with each of them, which I think is really amazing.

So I do want to highlight that you didn't start all of these at once I want to reiterate that you added one on top of the other and for this month the reason why you don't have access one even though it's been the best month is because you recognize that you're really want to maintain what you're currently doing. And I think that's really important because I feel like there are times when you're like it's really important to celebrate our success and to maintain this competence. But there is a point where we do need to maybe take another lap around so to speak so that they're really solidified before adding in the next thing and I think what's so great about the habits you've chosen and the feeling words that you've connected to them and vice versa is that they are really different, right like the vibrancy like you said shows up in different ways. and I actually purposely wore this bright yellow shirt for you today.

But also what rest feels like you know, yes, you have meditation practices. Yes. You aim to go to bed at a certain time. But are there different times where you can you know, get horizontal in the middle of the day?

Or just take a few moments of mindfulness. And that's really the power and where the transformation comes is being able to be flexible with these things that still reach us to our bigger goal. So with all of the habits that you created and all of the obstacles that you've had to overcome. Let me know what for you was something that surprised you when you really started working on your habits, or seriously?

[10:23] RG: The biggest thing for me and you know that retrospective this should not have been a surprise at all, but it was what I call the butterfly effect of these what felt like small changes that I was making. 

In terms of my daily routine. You know, for example with meditation, yes, I accomplished feeling more focused and more presence. but it helped me to be able to deal with more challenging situations just by being more present, I should say.

But the other piece was, but the other piece was I actually inspired others with the action that I was taking. I mean, it was the literal inspiration of my six year old daughter who went out to meditate together every night before bedtime because she saw me doing it now. She doesn't even when she's looking to calm herself. She will, you know, do a mini meditation.

But then also because I was posting about my successes online it inspired a lot of people that I now call it. It's in France to ask me what it was I was doing and what I was doing and they were , you know, really impressed by that.

And then with the focus on being rested, I was watching less TV. I was working less at night, which was really nice. I was doing more reading which, you know, was actually one of the habits I wanted to get to eventually anyways, it's an earlier bedtime for the kids because I had to make sure I got them down so I had time to do my stuff and get myself to bed.

And of course I also had just so much more energy to be able to do all of the other habits that I was trying to work on as well. So yeah, it was really that butterfly effect. Then the other piece which I've kind of touched on already was just how monumental a change it made to focus on the feeling word versus the practice itself. it was just, it was so freeing, and again, it gave me that space and that ability to be creative in the approach to getting there.

[12:38] VL: I love that. I know we've talked about this before. Where was the 21 Day Challenge with how you started? There was really this interesting kind of observation that I was able to make because I was connecting with each other's challenge members. Was that for you? The 21 Day Challenge was an amazing success and you continue on and you continue to grow your current habit you stack an additional habit on top of that and then continues to grow. That as well. And I really feel like connecting to that feeling word for you was really the bridge of that gap between the people who stuck with the challenge versus dropped off the challenge versus continued with their habit after the 21 days, right. so really, really, like just blown away by your success blown away by everything that you've accomplished in such a short amount of time as I mentioned. So my next question for you is what greater impact did healthy habits have on maybe a different area of your life as you said this butterfly effect of how it's rippled into other things?

[13:51] RG: Yeah, of course. You know, I have definitely felt much more present for my family. I'm feeling energized and overall I just feel happier. And I would say I've had a very I would say I've had a very big improvement in terms of the overall well being and confidence as well. Those things extended into absolutely every aspect of my life, for sure.

[14:21] VL: Yeah, That's so incredible. I mean, it's it's one thing to have you feel the effects of the habits but then to have other people reach out to you, or seeing your cut your daughter has responded to that as well.

That's a priceless impact as a priceless benefit to the small changes that you were making in your day to day life right? Powerful.

RG: Especially with my daughter, you know, as a parent, I want to be able to positively impact them like one of my goals is to be able to raise you know, caring, compassionate and kind children and so of the actions that I am taking she's seeing and emulating. I couldn't ask for anything more.

[15:08] VL: What made these habits and work for you, what was it that made it most successful for you?

RG: Honestly, it was the support that I received. And you know that that started with yourself as the one who started the healthy habits and of course you know I signed up for the magazine, the coaching mentorship after that as well because I did find it to be so helpful and you were so inspiring.

There was also the support of the community during the initial healthy habits challenge and then the group afterwards as well. And not just, you know, I got so many likes and comments on what I was doing in terms of achievements, but also seeing what they were accomplishing as well was super inspiring. And then you know, I got such amazing support from my husband and from my family and it will ache sometimes trying to carve out those 10 Minutes for Meditation were a challenge I may have shared. We were away for a weekend. And so you know the four of us in a small hotel room and trying to find 10 minutes of you know privacy was difficult but you know, my husband kept the kids at bay while I would release that in the bathroom doing meditation. So it you know, the moral and ethical fiscal support of being in these healthy habits have been so great to hear. I love that. Not only did you get the support from the challenge itself, but also from your own family and your partner.

[16:38] VL: For someone who wants to start a new habit and is looking for that support. What would your best advice be for them to communicate that to their partner or approach that with their partner?

RG: I think it really is taking them on a journey with you, you know communicating to them about what it is you're doing, why you're doing it. What your what your goals are with it. I am continuing to communicate with them throughout so that you know they're sharing in your success and understanding what it's bringing to you and I have no doubt if you are going on this journey and you're successful with it. you're going to see the impact that it's having on you, but I think it's, it's really just about communicating and sharing.

VL: I like that you said that taking them on a journey with you because one I feel including that person is so important in building that partnership and building that relationship but also sharing your excitement with something and getting them excited about something. I love listening to people talk about something they love or are excited about even if I have no idea what they're talking about. I love being around those people who are excited for life or first of all things like that's so that's such a great energy to be around. and that's such a great energy to share with someone and I think too, it gives them an opportunity or it gives them permission to share more with you or to create their own coffee habit and patterns and routines. so that's really lovely. I love that advice.

Okay, my last question for you today is for someone who is interested in starting a new habit, what advice would you give them?

[18:30] RG: Obviously they should work with you! But in addition to that, I think to start with something realistic and achievable. You know, if I had jumped in with feeling rested, I probably would have failed right off the bat. Starting with something like 10 minutes of meditation a day it was so great, because I was able to accomplish it. And for me, I really felt I love this idea of success breeds success. It was easier for me to layer on more habits because I felt accomplished. I felt like I could really do it. So I think starting with something that's realistic for you is important.

But also to that point being kind and giving yourself grace. You know, during that me tried to build that healthy habit of feeling more rested. I could have given up but I was kind to myself to recognize that you know, maybe maybe I was important to be successful every day and sometimes that was through no fault of my own and external forces.

But the next day was a new day so I could start fresh and you know get a little bit creative to be content, don't give up.

[19:55] VL: I love that. But success breeds success. It's true because I often talked about this in some of our coaching calls. It's like what's a team and a habit that you can check the box off for, like right after this call or let's do it right now together. What can we do just to get that win for the day and then it builds and it builds and when you have that confidence and you have that success, what you've what you've qualified for success, you then can have better consistency and you start to show up more because you're not only getting the check mark you're getting the benefits of that habit of meditation has an enormous list of benefits to it right and to have to see that butterfly effect to see how that ripples and to everyone around you is is truly the reward right is the impact that you're making. So we will say this conversation is pretty amazing. Both of them are amazing. This one was more amazing, and it's only one I have evidence of. So thank you so much again for your time for sharing your experience with us. You are such an inspiration and I'm really excited to be able to share this with our community. I can't wait to see what habits you're building next to can't wait to see where your impact spreads to next or ripples into next with your butterfly effect and, yeah, I, I'm just very grateful for you and I want to make sure that you knew that. 

RG: Thank you so much Val I am grateful for you as well. Thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E184: Your Gut and Intuition are Guiding You Every Day, Stop Listening to the Outside Noise with Sharana Ali

Sharana is a divorcee by choice and single mother to a strong willed, confident, firecracker who she knows will one day change the world. For Sharana’s entire life, she followed the rules and played society's game to 'success' only to realize at 29 she was miserable. She felt empty and a little bored that 'this was all there was to life'. Having her daughter was the kick in the pants she needed to make huge life changes, and really start to live the life she wanted. Through this process BOSS was created; a collective built around Brunch Opportunities and a Support System. Sharana found quite often, there wasn't a space that she could show up and just be herself without shame or embarrassment - she wanted a fresh start, so she created it. 

Through BOSS Sharana encourages folks to turn taboo topics into table talk and show them through her example, what it looks like to redefine happiness, love and success. 

It was only through choosing separation, being a single mom and creating a space that felt like home did she realize her potential and power.

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Valerie LaVigne: Hey, Sharana, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here today. And I don't know why you haven't been on here sooner, but whatever. The world works in mysterious ways. So, welcome to the podcast. I'd love for you to Yeah, I'd love for you to tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're at in your journey currently and how you got here.

[02:12] Sharana Ali: Yeah, it's so interesting and it actually feeds into my journey so accurately and so well, first of all, my name is Shanna. And I'm the owner, founder and face of a company called boss the sixth edition. And boss is an acronym for brunch opportunities in a support system and the entire mandate. What I stand for behind BOSS is bringing taboo topics to the table. And what I mean by that is the things you just unfortunately can't turn to a sibling about or parents about or your close friends. Because the reality is they know the backstory and they come with their own sort of suspicions and intuitions and you kind of just want a fresh pair of eyes for the first 30 years. That's why I created BOSS to have those conversations that may trigger fear or anxiety or worry in other circles. This is the circle before it. Interestingly enough, Valerie you and I met at such a pivotal time in my life. Because I was never like this. I was never the one to pick up on who I was when we first met. That is I remember actually sitting in that room. And we had to introduce ourselves. I don't know if you remember this, but we had to introduce ourselves and I was newly separated at that time like brand spanking new and I remember saying like, “Hi everyone I'm Sharana and recently separated.” And I remember my ear, my eyes peering around the room to see if anybody was judging me. The reality is no one gave a crap at all. They were like, “Okay, hi.” But to me, I was like, holy moly. I'm showing up broken and these people are like, I don't care, right, like you're here. It's so funny. 

And now, you know, two or maybe even three years later, I feel like I've come full circle because even in those moments of potential brokenness, and I intentionally use what potential I'm so for now, I feel so all because I was once broken. So that is a little bit of my story. Yes, I'm a divorcee by choice. I'm a single mom and a business owner. 

I work in the Ontario government, and literally all that in a bag. I am really kind of seeking global domination within my own way, right. And I think that's also part of the boss world. Like I am really encouraging folks to define what success looks like and feels like for them. It's not always, you know, having a crazy amount of money in this big house and this fancy car it really is, you know, different for every person and I think along the journey of developing who I was and realizing my potential, I also can't just terms with the fact that like me, being successful is having flexibility and being happy and being able to you know, pick up my kid whenever I want to ensure you know, being able to go to university if she wants to without having to worry, it's not necessarily kind of the material.

But it took me time to get there because I was once a dreamer. That's that you know, ik like, yeah, I want to have a car. I want the white picket fence. I want you to know about the golden retriever in the yard but in my experience that unfortunately didn't lead to happiness and led to a lot of emptiness.

And now, I don't really care for the house. I don't care for the car like I do. What I do care for is you know, on weekends, I can take my kid on a picnic. We can, you know, travel if she wants to.

Yeah, but that shift is noticeable.

[05:44 ] VL: Wow, it sounds like you've gone through so many transitions and so many shifts and even since you've met which I think was I think like three years ago now that's crazy.

Even then to see you grow in all these different ways. I mean, you have so much going on, and it's really inspiring to watch all of it. And one of my questions is, what was that pivotal shift for you when it came to you stepping into who you are and your true self and finding that voice and being able to share yourself authentically. Like what was that shift for you to get there?

[06:21] SA: Yeah, there was a lot that came into play. When I would say for me, going through the process of getting a divorce was the thing that really just shot me forward. Like I had no choice but to stand strong in my beliefs and to believe in who I was because prior to that, I can't even say I knew who I was. I didn't really know what I stood for. I kinda was what I call society's success was like, you know, you go to school, you get married, you get the house for you, you have the family and then again, like I was saying we're supposed to guarantee happiness. And because there was a secret sauce to getting divorce and then finding happiness. 

I kind of had to forge it on my own. So standing strong in that is what really kind of goes with the entire process, I think, but also realizing that I and I hate to say this because it really is most important to have yourself. I knew though I have the pressure of little eyes watching and I didn't want her to see me living a life that wasn't should I never wanted to be the type of person or the type of mom or you know, answer to any of our friends even to say like, Hey, I want you to go for it. I want you to feel your dreams and I want you to live large. 

While I wasn't doing that, right? It really was that hard reality but if I want those around me to walk the walk, or you know to talk to talk, I also need to live and do exactly as I'm preaching. I think for me I really had to break and it was, you know, my divorce, becoming a single mom, navigating the potential of, you know, gossip or you know, people doubting my authenticity. It really was allowing myself to sit in there and self reflect on who I was and what I stood for that kind of put me on that trajectory upwards but once I was like, you know, I heard I've hit ground about buying I'm like, Yes, I'm divorced. Yes from a single mom.

 Yes. I have no idea what I'm doing. Now what are you going to say about me because you know what? I'm going to tell you first, like what I perceive as all through my phone before anybody else.

And then once I kind of owned that and realized that, hey, those depths I'm going to cover in my life.

That's where my power stems from. It's those moments where I have no choice but to arrive now. I think that's kind of what lit the fire under me more than anything else. Right? It's realizing that, hey, no one's gonna do this for you. Right? Like, you could have a great support system. You can have a great family, you could have amazing friends. You could have the entire world but ultimately, if you don't do it for yourself, no one's gonna do it. I mean, talk about a harsh reality but it really is. The case. Right? And I think we see it on so many different levels. You know, I'm gonna use a silly example here. If you want to read a book, I mean, sure you can get an audio book and have it read to you but it's so different when you pick up that book and read it right you have this a completely different experience. I think it's the same with light if you want certain things out of life.

Nobody that I know has ever had to do whatever they want on a silver platter, right. They've had the work and will ask the work in progress. It meant so much more to them so much more gratifying.

[10:10] VL: So true. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. And I think to like, especially if anyone's listening to someone who is new to their business or your journey in their life, like the beginning part of it, where it's like, oh, everyone makes it look so easy. It's like oh, no, no. Easy. Yeah. Well, there are times when Yeah, it's rewarding and yeah, it's worth it but oh my goodness gracious. Like the obstacles that we have to go through and climb and overcome. It's pretty. It's pretty incredible. So as you're stepping into this new power as you're finding your voice out, you're realizing like yes, I have a daughter who's looking up to me, but this is also I gotta show her that this is for me so that she has permission and you do this with your branches too as you're like, listen, we're all here together. We all found each other. We're here to cultivate this authenticity in ourselves. That's how it is with all the things you have going on, and yes, you have a lot of support as well, but how is it that you can kind of can you how have you cipher through that outside noise? Like how do you know where your intuition is, what your wants and needs are versus everything else and everyone else going on around you? How do you follow that? inner voice that inner knowing?

SA: It's hard like it is hard. Is it hard. There's no question. There's no golden key or you know, like a golden door that you walk through as they are right. I am healed. This is great. It really is trial and error. But it's trusting who you are through all of the emotions and emotions is trusting that you will be there for yourself when you're at your highest high and your lowest low and it's given to my brunches. One of the things that I often ask folks to consider is how they normalize luxury and how they normalize that and really what that looks like and what it feels like for them and the reason that I do that is because for me ultimately I want people to understand that you know, whatever it is because I whether it be success, whether it be a you know this luxurious life, however it's defined that ultimately comes back to them.

And through that, I think that's exactly exactly what it is. Right? It's it's allowing yourself to feel it's allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself. It's you know, being able to look in the mirror and recognize who that person is. I heard someone say earlier this week actually through their their healing journey that no matter what they were able to look themselves in the mirror every morning and smile and I thought to myself like that's so interesting to me because I remember a time in my life where I would look in the mirror and have no idea who that person was staring back at me like I I just I mean I knew is me, but I I didn't I couldn't even recognize myself. And I think that that is the moment where so many of us need to kind of pull the band aid off and really analyze what is happening around them and what like what's in their world that is making them question who they are what work and it could be ourselves like I often find we're our own worst critic. But it really is it's tapping into yourself and trial and error like it's there's no one stop shop unfortunately, like it really is allowing yourself to make the space allowing yourself to jump and take risks, allowing yourself to know that even if you're not flying up to those risks that you're gonna catch yourself. and it takes a lot of trust and I keep using that word but it really does because at the end of the day as good as it sounds, I truly do believe nobody has your back by yourself. and that's not to say you can't trust people, you can't have good friends. But ultimately at the end of the night, you know, when you're sleeping or when you're in your thoughts. It's you, it's just you, right.

[14:12] VL: Mhmm So, I mean the trial and error is definitely accurate. 

You kind of It's like a It's a journey: self discovery. It's not like oh, I decided to meet this person today and I have done but if someone was in the beginning of this and they're thinking okay, like what kind of questions can they ask themselves? What kind of clues can they look for? What sort of feelings do they want to be connected to or maybe like ideas or thoughts that come up with what are we listening to, what are we what are we trying to follow here? Because obviously like trial and error, it's like okay, I did it now what, what's what's like the criteria that we're looking for? 

SA: One of the things that really helped me is I would actually mind map and I did this at the very, very beginning when I felt very lost, I would sit with that length and just write down any feeling that came to mind. And there it was a whole bunch of times.

And I feel like the more that I did that the more that I was able to express myself because verbally I could not do it. I did not have that courage or even know how to explain how it was fitting, but just writing it down really, really, really helped me to understand where my mind was.

Like, I think your body physically also sends you signals like if you if something comes your way and you get that tingling in your stomach, but to me that is your intuition saying like, hey, heads, and it could be heads up. This is something great that's about to happen or a heads up like just watch your path this may not be for you. I think it really is listening or tuning in to the signs your body gives you if your head is hurting after like, you know your job one day. If your body is saying,” Hey, listen to me!”. You know if you are exhausted at the end of the week, if you're one of those people that like to live for the weekend, because of your behavior Monday to Friday, that is your body saying like, hey, we made some changes here. Like there's something happening here. I remember even as I was like that, and it happens even to this day.

I've always had stomach issues to be honest with you like it's always been very weird. And I remember there would be days when I was going to like, particularly my divorce from my early days of single motherhood, where I would have absolutely no appetite and I love like I thrive on branching. If I can do anything for the rest of my life, I swear to you I would want to eat around the world and just write about it and share it and like to get people to get an overview like I love food so much. And I would go days without eating.

Just because I was like I'm not hungry, like I don't want to eat I have no appetite. And one day I remember my sugar level ended up dropping a painting. and I was like, this is literally my body was feeding me like shred I get your act together. you need to take care of me so that you can take care of everything.

It really and I mean these beggar view anybody listening to this to not let it get that drastic. But it is those little signs right. It's your eyes like if your eyes are feeling a little bit weary. Your heart is racing over something and your stomach is a little bit queasy if you're feeling little aches and pains, right. Those are physical signals. I mean mentally as well. If you're not sleeping at night, because your mind is racing.

You got to do some thinking there. Right? I mean, also emotionally if you're thinking of something persistent.

And you know you're extremely upset or really sad. That's also emotionally your body triggering you right to say like, Hey, we got we got to work through this together.

I think for me, those were the signs that I look for more than anything else. Right And and I think unfortunately, particularly in the culture that we live in physical symptoms and I hate to admit this but I think it is the reality physical symptoms unfortunately outweighed the emotional and mental symptoms that so many of us are feeling but I think you know yourself for right and even to tap into who that person is and try to remember a time where you were you the happiest or the most free and what I mean by that is like, before you had all these people that showed up, or you were like, I don't know, for instance, I'm just gonna use myself before I was a mom where I was, you know, a wife, or I was, you know, the owner of a business or I worked in the corporate world or, you know, just stripping away all those layers who I wasn't what I felt like before all of those things. 

To me, that is your core being and whatever it takes to get back to feeling that way. Because I think as you grow up, and there's responsibilities, I mean, we all can't just be carefree, you know, skipping around.

Really, but whatever it is that gets you back feeling that way. I think the most important thing is having an issue. Few opportunities that allow you even to get tapes of that feeling again. 

[19:27] VL: YYeah, I think I like noticing those physical feelings because sometimes they are kind of  “the loudest signs from our body.” And that's going to be both for good feelings and for bad feelings. 

Yeah, I like to follow the good feelings. And you know, notice and care or attend to those bad feelings. I was gonna say avoid, but I didn't mean avoid the bad feelings, but like avoid doing things that make you feel.

SA: I agree. And it's not. I like the fact that you said like, just sometimes the feelings that you get like it can be a little bit weary really it could be good new bank could be bad theories. But not too long ago, I decided in my mid 30s I would join the dating world again. Do not ask me why, but I did. And I remember talking to my best friend and I was going on a date and I said to her I'm like I am so nervous. Like my stomach is a mess. I have butterflies. Honestly, things that I would assume. Were telling me like, hey, heads up don't.

And she said to me, she's like, this is new to you. That's why your body is reacting. Maybe you haven't been in a situation for so long. It's not you know, these aren't red flags, if anything lean into that these are green flags because you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable again, to just I think as you're processing those.

I don't want to call them symptoms but those like emotions, and those effects those physical effects. also analyze if they are trying to tell you something good or trying to tell you something bad and this sounds so wishy washy, but it really is like you said before a journey right? 

VL: It's a process, it really is learning about yourself. As you navigate the journey on travel, it's all about personal development and growth.

And sometimes to like when you don't know who you are or who you want to be. It's like okay, well, you're at this beautiful point in your life where you get to create that. You get your side like what do you what do you want to be how do you want to show up?

SA: Yeah. 

VL: This has been so great. I feel like it's a really great reminder.

SA: Yes.

VL: There's a little bit of tough love in there. But honestly, I also feel like there's some hope listening to this too, because it's like it's not always going to feel good. It's not always going to be easy, but there are ways that we can connect to the sensations that we're feeling and then go forward with the ones that we want to stick with. So thank you so much for all of that.

Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business?

SA: I live on Instagram. If you ever need anything I am a DM Oh way my handle is @bossthesixthedition. I'm always on Instagram. That's a great find about anything I'm up to wherever I am your snippets of my daughter. I'm very candid and that's exactly where I bring taboo topics to the table.

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

So funny story and this. I'm not intentional about promoting but I am releasing a book in June and I'm going through the final manuscript right now. It is called Handing Hard Stuff Like a BOSS. That is my number one read. I'm also reading the Cat and Nat book called Mom Secrets. It's their second book. I love their first book. So I'm reading those. I just read one at a time.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Whoa, empowerment to me is standing in your truth, whatever that looks like. It's standing in what you believe in. And I'm gonna be careful with this because I also think there are opportunities to grow in your truth. Like I'm not one of those people that like, are advocating for like standing wrong and strong like no be open to growth, but it really is standing strong and your core values in what you define or however you define being a good human being is that empowerment T and really advocating for others to do the exact same for themselves, even if it may not look the same as your definition of being a good human.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Oh, I have a really bad shopping habit. Or so that's a big one. I would call that like a political negative, positive habit that I have is people laugh at me or call me an old lady for this but like I go to bed really early like my 10 I am leaving I'm done like I but I need it. I need to sleep for that. I would say that's one of my positive habits. I'm like an early sleeper. I need my rest. And then like a quote unquote bad habits is like my shopping addiction. I love clothes. I have no shame about it. Like I'm all for reselling my clothes. I think it's all a healthy cycle. But yeah, I'm I'm a bit of a shopaholic. I'll admit it.

4. What are you currently working toward?

There's so much so I think North might be one of my short term goals is honestly to travel the world a little bit. More. It's always been something I've wanted to do. And honestly put off for numerous reasons.

I often considered traveling, especially solo traveling to be extremely selfish and that mindset has completely shifted. I think it is so enlightening when you're able to do that. For yourself. So short time to travel the world. I mean, I think long term, it's to make BOSS  my full time job and to really stand in what that serves. It's to be brunching all over the world. It's to be opening chapters globally, it's to be podcasting. Like this, continuing to write, you know, taking stages when the opportunity arises.

Yeah, I mean, I think for myself, even that long term goal, it's not as long like I'm thinking five years five years and I'm about to dance.

VL: I love all these things for you. Oh my goodness.

SA: This was so fun.

VL: And I'm so glad you're I love I love this conversation too. And I know we'll continue chats off air. 

But yes, thank you so much for being a part of the show. Thank you so much for being you and your authentic self and giving people permission to do that because that is super empowering. I love watching you. I love seeing you grow and I cannot wait to get my hands on your book and I need a signed copy of this

SA: Done. I love that so much. Thank you so much. You're doing amazing things like I'm in awe of you, but I also am not shocked. You've always kind of always had that presence. Even and I do actually remember that even meeting you. You know so many years ago you've always had that powerful presence so I'm not shocked but I also feel proud of the views just shot.

VL: thank you so much I love it!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E183: Taking the Overwhelm Out of Your To Do List

Take the overwhelm out of your to do list with prioritization and the actionable techniques I am sharing with you today!

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[00:35] Hey there, welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. At the time of this episode launch it will be the first of the month. To me, the first of the month, or the first of anything really is an opportunity to organize ourselves, set intentions and goals, and really plan for what’s to come.

Being able to take a step back and look at the big picture goals and timeline can be incredibly helpful for staying focused on our goals, preparing for possible obstacles, events, or changes, and helps prioritize what’s important.

My goal for today’s episode is to share tested and effective time management tools that you can choose from to keep your calendar organized, your efforts productive, while experiencing joy and spaciousness in your everyday life. 

These practices have become game-changing habits in my life and business that really started about a decade ago when I remember experiencing a lot of feelings of overwhelm and anxiety around my to do lists and responsibilities. While there were a lot of things that needed to be adjusted at that point of my life, one of the most impactful ones was how I approached my to-do list.

I can remember sharing my feelings of overwhelm with someone and they very honestly told me, “Valerie, if you put as much effort into taking action on your to-do list as you have stressing about the items, you would have probably completed half your list by now.” This was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment because it was SO TRUE! Let this be a reminder to you to take action on something small when you’re stressing about the long list.

With that, let’s start with the “One-Minute Rule” to get you into action. If a task can be completed in under one minute, do it right away. Your to-do list just got a lot shorter.

• Reply to that email

• Put away your shoes at the front door

• Swap your washing to the dryer

• Send the reminder text

[03:10] Now let’s organize the to-do list. Organizing the list gives us a starting point, helps us to prioritize, helps overcome procrastination, and ensures we don’t miss things. We can use the “Eisenhower Matrix” to help guide us. This technique is especially helpful for when our to-do list is too long! The Matrix works like this:

Organize your tasks into one of the four quadrants, and identify a colour for each of the quadrants

1. Important/Urgent (green)

2. Important/Not Urgent (yellow)

3. Not Important/Urgent (blue) 

4. Not Important/Not Urgent (red)

DO any/all of the tasks in quadrant one, SCHEDULE all the tasks in quadrant two, DELEGATE all of the tasks in quadrant three, and DELETE all of the tasks in quadrant four.

Always do the urgent and important (green) tasks first because they have the highest priority. If this is a large task like preparing for a presentation, break that larger task down into smaller action steps such as: create slide deck, ask someone to edit presentation, practice presentation, etc.

The not urgent, but important tasks (yellow) generally support a long-term goal. Schedule these into your calendar using time blocking. Consider how much time these tasks require, and schedule them in your calendar according to the length of time they need as well as in relation to their due dates so you are prepared in advance. Once it’s in your schedule, don’t shift it around. It’s there and it’s getting done. 

[5:19] Time blocking also helps to avoid task-switching which is a major productivity killer! To help you stay in a flow state, remove distractions such as unnecessary open tabs on your computer, turn off notifications on your phone, Ask roommates or family members to respect your work time boundaries.

Any task that is not important yet urgent (blue) can almost always be delegated or outsourced. For me, these are the tasks I have on my to-do list that just keep getting moved over to the next day and the next day, and the next and they’re just not getting done - at least not by me. Who can you ask for help with these tasks? Who can you hire to get these done and take them off your to-do list? 

If it’s not urgent or important (red), does it really need to get done? I think not - delete it! Sometimes these are the tasks where you’re just like “Gosh darn it! If I think about this one more time I’m going to lose my mind!” This has a more mental health urgency, so perhaps this can be completed in one minute, or delegated or just get it off your plate so you can restore that breathing space.

[06:40] One really common reason your to-do list isn’t getting done is because you’re uninspired. Action without intention or purpose is not sustainable. Bring the inspiration back into your daily tasks by:

• Changing your work environment

• Focusing on a feeling word or intention for how you want to show up that day

• Reminding yourself of the bigger goal you’re working toward and how the smaller tasks you’re doing are helping you reach that larger goal

• Also re-listen to last week’s episode 182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

Procrastination is another productivity killer. To help you stop procrastinating, get into the habit of creating time boundaries. A great method for this is the Pomodoro Technique. Set a timer for 25 minutes. During this time work on one specific task. After the timer goes off set another timer for 5 minutes to take a break doing something entirely different:

• Stretch your body

• Grab a snack

• Go for a short walk

• Drink some water

The 25 minute time sprint is relevant because it’s approximately the amount of time we can focus on a task for the best productivity. One 25 minute sprint and 5 minute break is one pomodoro. After four pomodoros take a longer break of about 15 to 20 minutes before getting back to work. 

[08:20] Alright, I want to keep this episode short and sweet cuz I know you have a lot of ish to get done. I saved my most effective productivity tool for last: Time Blocking. I mentioned this briefly a little earlier in this episode, but there are actually a few different ways to look at this and practice this method.

• One of the ways is by task batching. This is when you block off a specific amount of time in the calendar to get specific tasks done, and using this for tasks that are similar in nature or perhaps environment. I do this a lot when I’m running errands. I work in a different town than I live in. So if I have errands to run near my studio, I will block off time to run the errands before or after I teach classes, and block time for running errands close to home when I’m on my way home or already in the area.

• You can also time block with a daily theme. This works really well for anyone who has multiple businesses or parts of their business. For example if you do client work on Tuesdays and Thursdays and work ON your business on Mondays, and have sales calls on Wednesdays and content creation on Fridays, or something like that. I like doing these in half day chunks as well.

• You can also time block using a template for your day. This practice is really helpful for if you are someone who is interested in CHRONOTYPES and using the theory of chronology to understand when in your daily cycle are your best work periods. I practice this more with my monthly cycle with a practice called cycle syncing which works really well for females who track their menstrual cycle.

[10:19] Some tasks to consider adding into short time blocks in your day or week are:

• Responding to emails or social media messages and comments. A lot of times we make time to create and post content or respond to the emails, but what about responding to the comments, and the email responses? Add in time for reacting to what you’ve posted/created/sent.

• Catch up time. Things happen and can pop up unexpectedly. Block some time off for catching up on tasks or tying up loose ends

• BREAKS!!!!!!!!!!!! ADD IN YOUR BREAKS. PLEASE. Schedule in restorative time. Even if that means you’re getting horizontal for 10-15 minutes, getting out in nature, meditation, rest, literally any sort of break. The breaks must be scheduled throughout the day, not at the end of the day only. Breaks are NOT a reward, they are necessary for our productivity.

Speaking of breaks, sleep is a HUGE for getting more done in your day. Prioritize rest and quality sleep into your daily life, you will be amazed by how much energy, focus, and creativity you will have after quality sleep.

Okay friend, that’s it for today! PLUS a list of other podcasts episodes you might enjoy that support productivity:

Episode 115: Master Your To-Do List

Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect You to Your Intuition with Tara McCrory

Episode 125: Powerful Productivity Practices

Episode 149: Eliminating Overwhelm & Creating Work-Life Balance

Episode 156: Six Productivity Solutions You Need to Know

Episode 172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E182: The Power of Passion and Perseverance are the Keys to Success

While many people would watch the olympics, or high-level sporting events, see hugely successful public speakers, or read about large industry leaders, and think they must be very “talented” or even very “lucky!” The truth of the matter is that luck, or their talent is not what got them to where they are today. It was actually their Grit; their passion and perseverance that are the true keys to their magnificent success.

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[01:02] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne. For the past couple months I have been fascinated by the idea or quality of “GRIT.” Some of the most successful people in their own industries, networks, and teams have also been known to be the grittiest. 

This all began when one of my Healthy Habit coaching clients recommended I read the book called GRIT by Angela Duckworth and once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. In the beginning I was both fascinated and offended by the quality of Grit because when I did the Grit Test, I was disappointed by my low-ish score. (Low by my standards).

Book Amazon link

The Grit Test

Grit Test (page 1 of 2) from the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Grit Test (page 2 of 2) from the book GRIT by Angela Duckworth

Take the quiz and send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife with your score! I’d love to learn about how gritty you are!

As I continued to read the book I took copious amounts of notes and my mind was racing with ideas of how I could incorporate what I was learning in the pages of this book with my own coaching clients, as well as how I could increase my own grit score. 

I was thrilled to learn that grit is something that anyone, with the right tools, knowledge, and passion, could develop! To give you a better understanding of this book, I pulled this excerpt from Angela’s website:

“Pioneering psychologist Angela Duckworth shows anyone striving to succeed—be it parents, students, educators, athletes, or business people—that the secret to outstanding achievement is not talent but a special blend of passion and persistence she calls “grit.”

Why do some people succeed and others fail? Sharing new insights from her landmark research, Angela explains why talent is hardly a guarantor of success. Angela has found that grit—a combination of passion and perseverance for a singularly important goal—is the hallmark of high achievers in every domain. She’s also found scientific evidence that grit can grow.”

For the purpose of today’s episode, I would like to share with you some of my most favourite takeaways from the book, as well as how I’ve been practicing this in my own life and with my coaching clients. 

How Grit Shows Up IRL

One of the parts of grit I love most is that grit is something anyone can cultivate, or grow, as Angela describes it. This is because it’s all about dozens of small activities, or skills that have been carefully moulded into habit. When you look at the small activities and skills you merge or combine these over time, you see the whole. When the habits are done consistently and correctly, together the whole is excellence!

Most of the time when people see the big picture, or the finished project, they don’t see the work, the time, the effort, the practice, the passion that goes into it.

When I first started my business one of the really helpful pieces of advice I received was “don’t compare the backend of your business to the front end of someone else’s.” Meaning don’t compare your steps 1 through 10 with someone’s step 1000. 

I’m sure you can think of countless examples in your own life, where you understood what it took to get to a certain place, and yet people only see the very last step, or the completion of the project and they just do not, and might not ever understand the whole thing. 

Not many people want to bake the cake from scratch, but a lot of people want to eat it.

This is one of the reasons why, even though we are all capable of grit, not all of us are in fact gritty. So what sets us apart?

Committing Even When Uncomfortable

Well according to Duckworth, a few things. And one of those things is staying true to our commitments even when we’re not comfortable. Oftentimes we try something and fail, or it doesn’t go as planned and it feels a lot easier to give up. But it’s really about getting back to it the next day, eager to try again. This is a reflection of grit in a person. (p.50) “Because when you don’t come back the next day —  when you permanently turn your back on a commitment — your effort plummets to zero. As a consequence, your skills stop improving, and at the same time stop producing anything with whatever skills you have.”

That’s it. It’s over and done.

Goal Setting

[05:54] Another thing that sets apart people with and without grit is goal setting, and more specifically setting a singular goal; one very high-level goal. 

Imagine the big goal at the top of a pyramid. Below that are smaller goals that help get to the bigger goal, and below those smaller goals are even smaller ones, and below those are simple habits that in time bring us to the bigger goals above it.

For the lower level goals we’re testing things out, and if they aren’t working we try, try again, and then try something different until it does work out.

When I first start working with a new Healthy Habit Coaching client, I ask them how they want to feel. This feeling word becomes our bigger goal so to speak. There are lots of different ways we can get to this feeling word, and as we create habits, rituals, and routines together we begin to connect to that feeling word and also confidence in ourselves to keep growing and moving forward. 

This is really the preliminary step to a bigger goal. Once we create a small and simple habit, we dream bigger and aim higher. We set the big hairy-scary-goal and break it down into smaller goals and then the smaller habits. As we work together on the smaller habits and daily practices, we observe and test what works and what doesn’t as we aim to grow to the bigger goal.

For entrepreneurs and business owners who want to be at the top of their game, their big goals are going to be success in their businesses. When we break this down we can start with a daily habit of planning, which then creates structure. Having structure helps this client to have an organized mind, which supports them in their creative process, communications, decision making, and more.

Another habit for this client could be daily goal setting, which supports them in creating direction, and the long term or larger goal brings them to feeling purposeful. Having purpose in work - as we will discuss more later on - is deeper and powerful than intention and helps the business owner’s commitment, drive, and grit for the bigger goal.

What are some of your big goals in life or business? Choose one and begin to break that goal into smaller goals. Then break them down even more until you find something simple you can do daily and make a habit.

Need help? Visit https://www.valerielavignelife.com/contact and let’s connect on a free call to see if you and I are the right fit to work together to create your dream life.

If You Want to Be More Gritty

[09:03] When I first started reading the book I felt a bit defeated because I wasn’t scoring as high as I had hoped on the Grit Test. But as I continued to read, I was encouraged by the fact that we can grow grit from the inside out.

Angela says that gritty people also understand that grit is not entirely fixed. Grit can grow! If you’re not as gritty as you want to be, ask yourself “why?”

There are a few common reasons why people drop out of things, as I read the list for you, consider which ones you have said or thought in the past:

• I am bored

• The effort isn’t worth it

• This isn’t important to me

• I can’t do this, so I might as well give up

If I’m being honest, I have definitely repeated all of these things at least once in my life. And, honestly I have said these things and also STILL tried and tried again. Not for all of the activities, but for a few.

Coaching (Parenting, Teaching) for Grit

In the book there is a chapter on Parenting for Grit and I’ve taken a few of the concepts for parents and adjusted it for my coaching because I see a lot of similar connections in these relationships.

As a Healthy Habit Mentor, I want to be supportive, warm, respectful, and demanding. It’s a fine balance, but it’s also the most effective. I strive to be client-centred. Even the Healthy Habit Membership is client-led and evolves over time. The membership is new and it has changed a lot as the members have changed and started to grow more. 

My client’s interests come first. I won’t make someone start a journaling practice if they’re not excited about writing, but I will support them in going a little beyond their comfort zone. I will also ask them to overcome obstacles through trial and error; through DOING and taking action! How will we know if it really works, or really doesn’t if we don’t at least try?

When a person invests in themselves through working with me, I see this as a commitment to themselves, their health, and their life and I have very high expectations of them that I know they can reach. Being able to set these high expectations and communicating them to the clients has been really effective in their ability to take action, even if the larger goal isn’t achieved right away. 

Action is where the magic happens. It’s where we get to see and understand what is truly working, and what isn’t. It illuminates our obstacles and helps us create more focus on what we can do to achieve our ideal success.

Following Your Passion

Another quality that makes people gritty is that they have interests and they follow their passions. When someone is passionate they have higher job (and life) satisfaction as well as increased performance.

When working with my coaching clients we have one-on-one conversations, as well as client-forms for me to better understand what lights them up; what are they excited about? What interests and passions do they have? 

Not all of them know right away, and are at this beautiful point in life where they can begin to explore what is really meaningful to them. (p.104) “Interests are not discovered through introspection. Instead, interest is triggered by interactions with the outside world. The process of interest discovery can be messy, serendipitous, and inefficient. This is because you can’t really predict with certainty what will capture your attention and what won’t. You can’t simply will yourself to like things either.”

We can discover our interests by experimenting with different things to see what sticks. Before hard work comes play! Let your exploration be fun and playful. We need encouragement and freedom to find out what we enjoy.

[13:05] Here are some questions to ask yourself, meditate on, or write in a journal, to help you foster passion (p.115)

• What do I like to think about?

• Where does my mind wander?

• What do I really care about?

• What matters most to me?

• How do you enjoy spending time?

• And, in contrast, what do you find absolutely unbearable?

Then… experiment with your answers. Physically experiment and take action on what you discovered in this exercise. 

Do you think about flowers and design? Perhaps you can take a floral workshop and create a beautiful arrangement!

Does your mind wander to far away lands where you can hike to mountain tops? Find a place you can start hiking to, or book a hiking trip and strap on your boots for some practice before climbing!

Do you really care about animals? Is there a doggy daycare, animal sanctuary, or pet spa you can volunteer at?

You get the point… start taking action and PLAY! Schedule joy into your life and begin to foster and cultivate your interests. If they stick… your passion will begin to grow along with your grit. 

I am very passionate about health and wellness. I have worked my way to becoming a Healthy Habit Mentor and Pilates Studio Owner, and some days I say, “thank god I love what I do because not all of this is super fun!” haha but I got here because I learned about yoga and started flip flopping around on my yoga mat and I didn’t stop. I didn’t stop playing and connecting, and trying, and falling - literally and metaphorically. I didn’t stop practicing.

Practice, Practice, Practice

[14:43] When it comes to practice, Angela notes that “practice is important, but experience doesn’t always lead to excellence.” It’s about continuous improvement. You can be doing something the same way every day for ten years and there is no improvement. Another person can be doing the same task as the first person, but tweaking it a little bit every day, and in one year have more success than the person who’s been doing it for ten years.

Because there is practice, and then there’s deliberate practice. You want to create a stretch goal for yourself. A stretch goal is a goal that you have that is slightly out of your comfort zone. Then work toward that goal and keep doing all the things until you reach it. Once you’ve achieved the first stretch goal, you create a new stretch goal and repeat.

With deliberate practice we have significantly more effort and it’s significantly less enjoyable, but this is the type of practice that really matters. It has to be targeted: what is the goal? And it has to be more efficient: how can we do better this next time around?

Angela’s research revealed that gritty people also experience more flow. Whereas “skilled people can sometimes experience highly enjoyable states “flow.” Flow is experienced when skill and challenge are in balance. Flow is by definition, effortless.”

You might have also heard it called the “zone of genius.” And it feels very much like time flies by without you noticing because you’re in that zone, or in that flow state.

I noticed this for myself when I started to really get into my daily french lessons on the app Duolingo. In the beginning I had the free version of the app that only let you make three mistakes. If you made more than three you lost your “hearts” or lives and you had to either watch an ad, wait for the time to get more hearts, or you had to go back to an old lesson and practice to gain a heart. When I discovered this through my practice I started to get into a flow of learning. Each day I started a new lesson. If I lost my hearts, I went back and did three practice lessons to gain back hearts, and then tried again in the new lesson. Every day I completed a minimum of one new lesson. Sometimes this meant I was also practicing old lessons more depending on how many hearts I needed to restore. Then I started increasing my daily goals and sometimes I was restoring hearts over and over again. At the time of this recording I have been learning French with the app for 669 days! Oftentimes when I’m on it, I don’t realize how much time has passed and I keep practicing.

Duolingo App

In the Flow

[17:45] So how can you get the most out of deliberate practice and experience more flow?

Start with a clearly defined stretch goal. Be specific with your goal, and make it measurable so you can track your progress. Make your goal attainable and actionable, and see if you can push yourself just a little bit more out of your comfort zone to stretch it. It also helps if the goal is time-sensitive, exciting to you, and relevant to your bigger goal.

Once you have your stretch goal, you want to make sure you have full concentration and effort while practicing. Eliminate distractions, block the time in your schedule/calendar, and show up for the practice. I mean really show up. Like be there for what you’re doing and for your own self with enthusiasm. 

Then you want immediate and informative feedback. If you have a coach, mentor or teacher there to give you the feedback - amazing. If not, perhaps a visual recording, a journaling, or tracker to keep you accountable to improving. 

With any habit or skill development, the last thing you will need is repetition, not only repeating the action/activity but also repeating the method of deliberate practice. Along with repetition add in reflection and refinement, using the informative feedback. This is how you get the most out of deliberate practice and experience more flow.

Purpose is Deeper than Intention

[19:15] I mentioned earlier that purpose is deeper than intention. People with grit are not just goal-oriented; the nature of their goal is special. Their goal is meaningful to them, and there is also a contribution to the well-being of others. 

A well articulated example from the book of how “purpose is tremendously important and a very powerful motivation,” was about three bricklayers. (p.148)

The first bricklayer says “I am laying bricks” which they see this as a JOB

The second bricklayer says “I am building a church” which is a CAREER

And the third bricklayer says “I am building the house of God” which they see as their CALLING. There is purpose and meaning in the work they are doing, even though each bricklayer is essentially performing the same action, it’s the PURPOSE that separates them.

(p.150) “When people see their job as a calling, they also express a deeper sense of purpose. This has led people with a calling to be more willing to sacrifice unpaid time/work harder/etc.” Think of this in your own life and work. Do you see your work as a job, career, or calling? Are there co-workers you can think of who see their work differently, even though you have similar responsibilities?

In the book Angela shares the practice of “Job Crafting” so you can put what you’re currently doing into practice to be more purposeful. Think about how, in small but meaningful ways, you can change your current work to enhance its connection to your core values.

If you can draw connections to the work you’re currently doing, and how it is making a positive impact on the world, you might be surprised to see how much more engaged you are at work, or how much more meaningful you find your work.

Core Values

When it comes to your core values, identify yours and ask yourself, “How can this help me develop the [work/home] culture I want?” Take some time to memorize, truly understand, and reflect on your core values more often. Go a step further to invite your co-workers or staff into the practice of identifying their own core values and having them draw connections into the workplace, and also into the greater impact on the community or beyond the workplace. How are their core values helping the work community and greater community? This helps them see their impact and makes their work more meaningful.

Habits of Optimistic People

[21:51] This is not only helpful in creating the feeling of purpose, but also helps with everyday mindset and being more optimistic. It starts with a growth mindset, which leads to optimistic self talk, which helps build perseverance over adversity. When we understand that difficult situations can be learning experiences and opportunities for growth, we do just that - we grow! We overcome obstacles, we move past blocks, and we keep going and trying to reach the goal. 

Some helpful daily habits for building a growth mindset:

• Update your beliefs about intelligence and talent

• Practice optimistic self-talk

• Ask for a helping hand

If you’re stuck on the limiting belief that it’s “too late” for you to change, or you’re “too old” to learn something new, remember that the brain is incredibly adaptive, just like a muscle that gets stronger when you use it or train it. The brain actually changes itself when we try to master a new challenge. The book Grit explains, (p.192) “all of our lives, our neurons retain the potential to grow new connections with one another and to strengthen the ones we already have.”

Grow Your Grit 

[23:03] Most of the time our growth can be completed through countless small daily habits, each doable - but each so easy to forget, ignore, or botch. But when you have the combination of passion and perseverance, you can truly grow your grit. Start from the inside and cultivate your interests. You can develop a habit of daily challenge-exceeding-skill practice. You can connect your work to improve yourself. And you can learn to hope when all seems lost. Developing your personal grit depends critically on other people. Connect to outside sources like parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, bosses, and friends. 

Grit is not just about success, it’s also about happiness. (p.270) “The grittier a person is, the more likely they’ll enjoy a healthy emotional life. Even at the top of the grit scale, grit went hand in hand with well-being, no matter how [Angela] measured it.”

I truly enjoyed this book and have already recommended it to so many people. The book has been linked for you in the show notes page, as well as below this episode wherever you’re listening to it. 

I already feel like this is a book (and a podcast episode for that matter) that I will revisit and use in my coaching programs for years to come.

Share how you are cultivating more GRIT in your life and business by tagging me or sending me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife I would LOVE to hear how this is growing for you!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E181: Giving Yourself Grace Through the Process of Creating New Self Care Practices

Today on the podcast we have a special guest and one of my very wonderful clients Suzanne here, to share with you her journey into healthy habits.

One of the things I love about Suzanne is her compassion for others and one of the things I am very proud of Suzanne for in the last few months, and I know she’ll share this in our conversation, but something I really wanted to highlight was the growth that she has been able to build through her own self compassion. And this is something that has really shifted a lot of other areas of Suzanne‘s life for the better.

As you listen to (or read) Suzanne tell her story and her journey, I want you to notice where you feel that you relate to Suzanne and her journey and how you could apply some of her lessons and techniques into your own practices and your own daily life…

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VL: Suzanne, welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. We are so excited to have you here to share your story and your journey with healthy habits. So why don't we just dive right in to start with who you are just a little bit about yourself

SZ: I am Suzanne Zupan. I am a mom of two. My daughter will be 22 this year and my son would have been 27. He passed away. Seven years ago it'll be this year at the age of 20. happily married for 27 years. and I work as a practice manager for a very busy financial planning practice.

[02:17] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that and I know it's a really busy time for you. So I want to make the most of our time together. We are in tax season. So things get really busy and as many others are free and many women would agree that just life is busy in general, no matter what season we're in. So let us know a little bit about the habit that you're cultivating or maybe one or two habits you've been cultivating this year.

SZ: So the first habit that I started with was basically every morning and every night, standing in front of the mirror and saying something positive to myself.

So the first habit that I started with was basically every morning and every night, standing in front of the mirror and saying something positive to myself.

That was just to get out of the habit of it's not necessarily body shaming, but having negative thoughts about myself, which has been a struggle and then that the next journey started organically from bad habits, just eating better, getting better sleep, taking carving more time out for self care, and just that basically working on my mental health.

[3:30] VL: That is so amazing. It's such a great habit because I loved being part of this journey with you like in real time. Because I remember you said you're like now I'm just gonna make it super simple. I'm gonna say nice things to myself every night before bed in the mirror. And then all of a sudden, it was like shift after shift after win after surprise after ripple. and I want to get into all of that. but before we get to all that juicy stuff. Can you tell us a little bit about who you were before starting this habit? so maybe what were the habits you were trying to swap or over that mindset patterns that you were trying to, to change before this habit?

[04:17] SZ: So before this habit, and this goes back to when I lost my son, very depressed. But I have always been that person that helps other people and tried to lift up other people pay them compliment. And one of the things that I noticed I think probably about five years ago I was I started running low on energy. And when you're low on energy when your cup is empty, you can't pour from your cup and you can't be the person that you want to be for other people because you're not being the person that you need to be for yourself. So, five years ago, before I started, actually Pilates is where you and I met. And before I started Pilates, I was struggling a lot with my mental health and Pilates I started not for the physical benefits, but mostly for the mental benefits. And my as my mental health improved, then I wanted to improve my physical health. But I think the main goal for me was to be in order to help other people. I had to help myself and increase my energy levels and increase the I can't think of anything else at the wealth of live because when you lose somebody who you absolutely can't live without it, it takes you to a place where you don't want to be present.

Not necessarily that you don't want to live but you don't want to live in the present. And so that's part of this a huge part of who I was and who I was trying to become again.

[06:12] VL: Wow, thank you so much for sharing so openly and so honestly because I think that this is something where many people have struggled with grief and many people have struggled with the mindset of, you know, doing everything for everyone else and not paying attention to ourselves or not putting ourselves on the priority list at all or we're very low on the list. And what you have come to realize what many people don't come to realize or they realize it too late. Is that it's really important for you to take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of you. 

You can be the best mom you can be the best partner you can be the best friend you can be the best. Fill in the blank, right so first of all, I really want to applaud you for recognizing this and I go that you know your mental health you you recognize that this was also important. And everything else just started to build on top of that. 

So we can definitely we can definitely see in your story so far that the journey really did start with one small habit and then built on another and then built on another. And it just kept becoming all these small habits compounding over time. And that brings us to where you are today. And I know that the journey is still continuing it feels like it's this new beginning for you in a way. 

Why don't you tell us a little bit about how the last few months have been going with these new habits with this new mindset. maybe what surprised you or how it's impacted you today.

[07:55] SZ: so I think where I am today with the habits is the habit that I started in January, being positive to myself didn't fall off, which is amazing. And I know that there were people that were in our challenge that rejoined the challenge now because they needed to kick back in those habits that may be dropped off. But that didn't drop off for me and I find if I'm ever thinking something negative. 

One of the things that I do that is probably kind of odd but if I look in into a mirror, I don't just say it to myself in my head anymore. I actually get myself in front of a mirror which is very easy because you can even do that when you're in the car. So I put myself in front of a mirror to say that chase those negative thoughts if they do come back into my head, and that's instantaneous for me now and it's like a habit that hasn't, hasn't gone away and will never go away. And then to add on that it's just more like more drinking water and one of the things I don't sleep a lot and my sleep patterns have really been disrupted. It's very common in grief, or set in trauma that your sleep habits are affected, affected. 

So what I'm doing now is trying to get to bed and this is your recommendation in the same day that I woke up. But the other thing that it's not always easy for me to do because there's if I'm working late then things get shifted my hour of reading goes later than I wanted it to but I still maintain that habit before I go to bed.

So one of the things that I've learned in this challenge is to allow myself grace. If I don't get to bed before midnight on that same day.

Can I and I have flexibility in my job which I'm very grateful for. Can I grab an extra half hour the next day? Or if that doesn't happen? Can I take a nap When I come home from the activities just to give myself that extra 20 minutes to half an hour of energy boosts that I need.

[10:17] VL: Those are amazing habits. And one of the things you were saying earlier is you work in a very busy business and you've got a lot on the go and you've got your Pilates and you've got your family and you have all the things in your your friendship circles. How do you make all of these habits work for you and work for your schedule?

SZ: It's tricky, especially now that we're in the middle of tax season. So if, for example, it was maybe Monday, no Tuesday night that I worked much later than I wanted to. However, I just allow myself that grace and I'm going to carve out an extra hour the next day if something happens.

So Pilates for me is something that's a ritual that doesn't get changed. I make sure that if I have a class, because this is my me time this is it's I know it's a physical activity, but it's also my self care and very important to my mental health. So there are things that I don't compromise on, I make sure that those don't change.

If I have something that needs to be attended to and for example, I think it was about a month ago that I had a friend that really needed me and we couldn't get a time other than when I was scheduled for Pilates. So I changed that time. And I made sure that I made it up on the other end somehow I'm very much a control freak. So things when they hit me and they're out of my control I struggle with but I've allowed myself it's probably one of the new habits is grace. When things happen that you can't control and just know that if you didn't do your self care on Sundays, or it's your ritual to take a bath on Tuesday night for example. just allow yourself the grace to do that at another time and carve out an extra hour on a Monday If you need to.

[12:30] VL: Those are excellent tips. I love that you have these non negotiables and you've put them in your calendar and you know that they're there. But then you have this ability to be proactive in your scheduling. So knowing that something else is coming up, okay, where can I move my non negotiable somewhere else? Or maybe we can rearrange the event or whatever it is for a different day. 

And I love that you are repeating giving yourself grace because that is definitely a theme throughout many people's journeys and habit building and I think that's even more important when the habit is so personal or is something that really has to do with positive self talk and mindset and loving yourself because, you know, it's like we're trying to be kind to ourselves so that we don't do our habits. 

We beat ourselves up for not doing the habit and then it becomes that vicious cycle. Whereas being able to give yourself grace through this time, allows you to find progress over perfectionism, right? And it's not necessarily about always controlling the outcome. It's about being present. It's about being in alignment. It's about connecting to that energy, that source that you have. So I just really love all the things that you are sharing today. 

Another question I had for you is, is there something that you really want to share? with people about healthy habits or maybe specifically about your habits? is there something that you would love to let people know who are also kind of on a similar journey as you are on a similar path to creating new habits for mental and emotional and physical health?

[14:17] SZ: I think one of the habits and this might be me as a mom speaking or as a female, because we always, but I certainly always tend to put everyone else first. And I'm not sure if it's from a young age that I learned that or thought to myself that moms can't be selfish. And I think that's one of the things that we need to retrain our brain. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to say no, this is me time. And because when you're certainly it's a healthy habit that you're cultivating. 

So if it's perfectly normal to be selfish with that healthy habit, because that is making you a better person and if you are the caregiver, being selfish and carving time out for yourself is going to make you a better caregiver. Recently when I was speaking with this friend, her mother's not well and they had planned a trip. And her mother ended up not being able to take that trip because of health reasons. And she didn't want to go on that trip without her mother. 

But one of the things that we talked about is how sometimes the situation is going to get worse and you know that there are things with people's health that you you can't stop from happening. In this case her mother has dementia and cancer and those things are not going to go away. It's going to get harder for her. So being selfish and I don't really think it is being selfish but if you want to. If you're thinking that it is being selfish, you're being selfish to make yourself better put yourself in a better mental state to deal with what's coming on. So I think like when we're doing these healthy habits and we're thinking that we're being selfish, it's okay to be selfish because you can't fill someone else's cup if your child is empty. 

So if you have to be selfish to sell your pet back up, that's okay.

[16:30] VL: So good! I feel like we need to pull different parts of that and like put them on a t shirt or affirmation cards or something or reminders for people who do you feel that way? And I know there are a lot of people who feel like if I make time for myself, that's selfish. 

But just like you said, it's not really selfish. It's necessary. It's it's part of being a caregiver. It's part of being someone who is making an impact on the world. Whether that's a mother or an entrepreneur or a leader in any way. You need to be your best and show up as your best to be the most helpful and the most important, so really, it's definitely more for other people. Well, I mean, you could spend you could spend it to think that to say that it is more for other people than it is for you. But we all win when we put ourselves first everybody wants. 

Thank you so much, Suzanne this has been such a lovely conversation and I'm really excited to continue this journey with you for your healthy habits and to see how else you not only impact your own mental health, your physical health and your own life but also the people around you because I know this I have the privilege of teaching Suzanne Pilates and I see the ripple effect of your work and of your healthy habits to the people around you and the excitement that people get. And Suzanne shared this with me a few days ago in class was that one of the other clients in the community messaged her and said What class are you going to I want to be in your class and I think that's such a I think that's such a powerful experience that you didn't you just met each other in this community and now you're connected in a deeper way. 

And yeah, it just goes it goes beyond looking at yourself in the mirror and saying something nice. it's like, I feel like it's changing you at a cellular level and it's impacting the people around you as well. so I'm super excited. for you. 

Thank you so much.

[18:34] SZ: Thanks. Thank you, Val. I can't say enough about the community.

I'm going to name at exhale. I can't say enough about the community there. And the funny thing is is that that person that messaged me, there's another friend from Pilates that I went out and had lunch with and she was telling me how she feels inspired by me. And it's funny because I feel that about other people. Other people lift me up just by you know, being in class with me and we have these conversations that I don't sometimes I think when you're helping other people you're helping yourself as well. And so again like to be selfish and make yourself a better person. you have this way of I can't creating this energy that comes back to you. The more you give, sometimes the more you get back and it's pretty amazing.

[19:37] VL: Absolutely anything to give other people permission to put themselves first when they see you putting yourself first when they see you taking time for you and that self care and then effort. and they're like Oh wow, like, she's amazing. I also want to be amazing. I haven't even put myself first and it really does become so much bigger than that small habit we started with So thank you again, Suzanne This has been so lovely, and I'm so glad that your first podcast was with the women's department podcast so welcome and thank you. 

SZ: Thank you Val!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E180: How to Follow Your Passion with Brianne Hanson

Brianne is a multidisciplinary entrepreneur, heading into her 20th year in the cheerleading industry, having developed skills, knowledge and experience in the sport that have led to her success in becoming the Co-Founder of Cheer District. Together with her business partner, Dr. Scott Christie, they are offering the next generation of cheerleaders the tools they need to increase their skill acquisition and reduce their risk of injury through science and technology.

Alongside building her experience and knowledge of sports physiology, Brianne is also passionate about business leadership, entrepreneurship, business development and mental health advocacy. These passions lead Brianne to incorporating her business; Consulting by. B., consultancy for individuals who are looking to start a business, or established small businesses who are looking for help in finding organizational, operational & financial success.

Whether she is in the gym working with athletes, or working alongside a client helping them realize their true potential, Brianne is always finding ways to better build and support those around her…

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[01:50] Valerie LaVigne: Brianne, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like we're doing the back and forth. I was on your podcast and now you get to be on mine and I'm so happy. 

Brianne Hanson: And thank you so much for having me. I'm really looking forward to the conversation because I know how much value you bring. And I love when we get together and I feel like we can do a little things together. So I'm excited for the listeners to hear this episode. 

VL: Yeah, it's gonna be great and I don't want to give too much away. But I would love to jump in with something a little bit more personal to you and to your journey. So why don't you tell us about what you do and how you got to doing what you do?

BH: Totally. It's funny because my podcast actually watched an episode today. That's my journey into entrepreneurship. So I'm just preparing for this conversation.

So I'm a small business consultant, but I also own a small tech business in Germany. We have a custom app, personal fitness app for cheerleaders, and we do research using advanced technologies to help athletes better train for the sport.

As well as I have a podcast obviously as we discussed, and it's been quite the journey to get there and to become the entrepreneur that I wanted to become the last five years, almost six years now that I've been in it. It's been a roller coaster, but it's been exciting because I've had the benefit of being able to follow my passion and I've had this board around me that no one has allowed me to do that. But I started off in I started off in corporate and to be honest, that's where I thought I wouldn't be forever. That's kind of when I was in university High School. That's where I envisioned myself I envision myself like we're working downtown Toronto, or New York or something like that, like climbing the corporate ladder, but it's funny because I watched my dad in entrepreneurship my whole life, but he was kind of a blend of corporate and entrepreneurship because he was an investment banker.

So he would be in the corporate side and then find a business through investment banking, and then dive in and be more a part of that business through entrepreneurship, and kind of run it and stuff. So it was this really weird combination that I watched him do as I grew up, and that's really what made me think I was gonna go to corporate and so when I came out of university, I went right into business development in an orthotics manufacturing plant, which was not for me at all. I'm not passionate about feet, let me tell you.

It was a painful like every day going in and trying to build a business around the feet. it just wasn't for me. So then I spent a lot of time with my now business partner, because growing up in cheerleading, I didn't take care of my body as I should have and so I was going to see my business partner, sports scientist, physical therapist.

Me being me,, whenever I was laying on the table, I was just like, I hate it. Why am I doing this? And eventually he got sick of it and said brand doesn't work for me.

Sign me up. So then that was a really cool experience because he was an entrepreneur. He owns multiple clinics and the clinic that he wanted to come work for him was only employee and it was in the cheerleading gym that I grew up in. So it was like, Oh my gosh, and practice passionate.

I get to go back and although it's not directly working, it's within the home. That's like the place that I called home for so many years. And so they get to go back there was like, Oh my gosh, and I was so happy and so excited about the opportunity. And one of the things that he instilled in me the day that I started was, you will get out of this what you put into it, so like decks that grow the business, you know, you get to be a part of that and you will benefit from that or if you come up with ways that we do new things in the clinic, you will benefit from that. so he set me up in a way that was very much in the scenario.

Despite the fact that I wasn't running my own business. And that's actually how my first business started. So cheer district which is the custom fitness app for cheerleaders started as a little project. My co founder in his clinic have helped routers to make better so they don't end up like me, broken and in their 20s and still having to go full time so each service despite the fact that I wasn't sure and it became too much of a thing that I could have handled both the clinic work that I was doing as well as running to district so I took it ran with it.

It became my full time job when I raised money and built that business. And I was like so thankful every single day that I got to wake up and be in the church. Because that's the passion that in my life I had through and through since I was six years old until passed University growing this business. I was so lucky to be able to live that life and have something that I was passionate about every single day And then it hurt a lot. It was a rough two years. I know we're still kind of coming out the other side of it but despite the fact that we were an online service.

It was awesome at first thought pandemic was when we thought it was going to be a couple of weeks. It was like we had a huge influx of signups people that wanted to stay strong at home while the pandemic was going on and it was so great. But then when the pandemic shifted to lasting longer and longer, Our primary customer base was in Canada.

They had to start offering their own programming in order to keep their kids in their facilities and like in the gym, and coming back after the pandemic. So there was a lot of stress that came along with that and I had to find ways of like continuing to fuel my passion and although I'm still so passionate about cheer, and luckily now that the pandemic is winding down, I get to continue to grow that passion and continue to like build this business back to kind of where it was pre pandemic and they're on track to surpass that by a lot. But I found a new passion, which was really cool, in that we know throughout the pandemic, a lot of people started their own businesses, and that included a good number of my friends. And because I had kind of jumped before the pandemic and before really it feels like everybody had some kind of side hustle. I had gone through all of the steps of what does it mean to incorporate what does it mean to create a business plan? What does it mean to build financial projections, all of those things? And those are things that I love to do so my friends kept asking me the grand like, I think I'm starting to build this do you mind helping me?

Of course, it was a no brainer. Like I'm, I love that kind of stuff, but also I'm always going to support my friends.

And so I started to feel a lot of fulfillment and a lot of passion in that side of the work. and I have always loved that piece of when I was building your district. those things excited me I really liked building the business behind it.

So when your district was in a different place because the world was in a different place I started to get fulfilment from something else. And I know that we want to dive into this a little bit but I actually started at first I had I had guilt of have a new passion. And does that mean that I have to give up my old passion does that mean if I'm going to add this passion to my life and my resume and my docket of work every day? Is that not fair to my old passion? Does that mean that I'm not passionate about it? And so it took me a bit to come to the passionate about more than one thing and it's okay that I do more than one thing which we talked a lot about. You are a guest on my past on my podcast, multi passionate entrepreneur, but that's what got me into consulting which is what I'm doing now. I'm also doing your district so I do them both. But I'm so passionate about helping other entrepreneurs like find what it means to build a strong foundation for their business and see those light bulb moments that they have when they figure something out. How to scale their business or taking it from an idea and turning it into something that they Wow. I'm actually like I've grown so much.

So I'm lucky to have found multiple and and through that I've been able to support my mental health and like find my internal happiness because I get to follow my dreams every day.

[11:13] VL: Wow, you said so many amazing things in that story. So glad I'm so glad I feel like there was like full circle moments and how I want to say that success leaves clues like all these little things are kind of leading you in these directions. And I always butcher this quote and I can never just stick it on my computer because I love it so much. But Steve Jobs says you can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect the dots looking backwards. And it really sounds like that's part of your story is really seeing like everything is really connected. And when you're in the moment and you're in those transition times. You're following the passions. There's so many different things that can come up there's fears there's doubts there's the guilt, you're safe. And I know a lot of people listening will be listening to your story and you know, having a little like a little inkling like I felt really bad and let's get to that from the beginning, basically. And how would someone get clarity around what their passion is? how would you even know? you're passionate?

[12:33] BH: That's a really good question. And I think like you said about that steep drop backwards like connecting the dots looking backwards at this that explains it in a very clear way that it's looking back and thinking about what are those things that need to have filled your cup that gave you those butterflies in your tummy that you went home? And you wanted to tell your husband, wife, mother, sister, brother, whatever, and you get excited and you're like, this really cool thing happened to me today and I want to tell you all about it. That's the first thing that I noticed in my experience finding these passions is noticing little things along the way. That indicated to me that that's something that makes me happy because there's a transition period of doing things that scare you in order to grow right. So the first time I thought about consulting and because I thought that butterfly feeling when I would help my friends were building their businesses and I would want to go home and tell my fiancee Elliot, I did this cool thing with my friends building her lash business. 

And, you know, we did these financial projections and she was so impressed by you know, the spreadsheets that we were able to create to really see what the potential of her business was. And there was a lack of pressure in the situation because I wasn't charging because I wasn't I was just doing it in the goodness of my heart and helping a friend when at the end of the film.

But there's that fear of when you cross the path of kind of making it a business that there there is that imposter syndrome that comes up there is that fear but you really just have to lean back on. I know I can do this these things. It makes me happy and I feel 100% fulfilled by this passion. So I want to continue to grow that way. And it's not to say that all of your passions have to be businesses.

But in my opinion, the more passionate you are about something, the easier it is to bridge that gap of from fear to excitement, and the easier it is to grow your business because you found that passion. You've seen those little things sprinkle in your life of doing things and trying new things and finding your way to that thing, your passion. And to be honest, if I hadn't started helping my friends I probably never would have found this passion. So it's about just letting like happen. I think that's honestly something that I've been telling myself really just the last six months like since I started this consulting business because I really do feel like it was something that I didn't expect for myself. And so I opened myself up to the opportunity even though it scared the crap out of me. And ever since then, I've been telling myself, allow things that come into my life and evaluate them. And that's something that my dad always taught me every time an opportunity would come up and I'd go to him and be like, No, I don't know about this. He says evaluate every single opportunity that comes into your life. assess how you feel, then move forward. And I've allowed myself to do that for the last six months and it's crazy how much I let go and into my life where I may have just blocked them off before so I would say for anybody looking like how do I find what I'm passionate about? allow things new things to come into your life. Open yourself up.

When someone says hey, would you be interested in x y Zed even if you get that feeling in your belly that's like kind of be like to evaluate the opportunity. talk about it more. see what you know the people that you rely on like your immediate family. think about it if you want to talk to them about it. talk that through don't just shut it off as soon as it comes your way because it scares you. I hope that answers your question. it was kind of like a really round the rosy circle of getting there.

[16:35] VL: Kevin Yeah, absolutely. I think that you said a lot of great points is like checking into what lights you up and then or what has led you up in the past and what are those things and and really getting curious about what maybe you want to be doing in the future like if you give your family like family time into your life, we're just kind of making this like, Wish List of like what that perfect with that perfect career or legacy you want to build is or whatever it is. Right? And then like using the past as those clues, and as those reminders of what works for you. And then you kind of went off you kind of went into whatever the next question is, which is really about that transition and you start bridging the gap. So let's say we figured out what we are clear on and we want to bridge that gap and you said it's smoother if we are super passionate about something but I feel like in the beginning, a lot of us don't have that same connection to our gut. That's a connection to self. That's a trust in self. That's something that I definitely know as an entrepreneur I've built over the years but it wasn't something that I started with because really you have no idea that it's completely new for you. A lot of it is jumping into the unknown a lot of it is taking rescue teams and so speaking to the that evaluating, period, like what are some of the things we can do to evaluate and assess the opportunity that's coming up? How can we take maybe small steps to get over that bridge or to or to close that gap? Because as much as we want to be like leap into the unknown and doesn't mean your parachute on the way down. Everything's gonna be fine realistically doesn't happen. We're not all we're not all in that position. We're not all in that position to do so. So, so take us through maybe just like bite sized pieces of how we get there. 

[18:29] BH: Totally. And I think I have to be honest, the second time was a lot easier. Because like you said, in entrepreneurship that's something that you have to invest in is yourself and your self growth. And the more that you do that, the more you can have that like gut connection and understand what your feelings are. Sometimes you have that feeling and fear that's actually a feeling of excitement and you can tell the difference. But if you don't really have you aren't in tune with your feelings in the same way you might just sit strictly as fear.

VL: So wait, let's talk about that real quick! This is so good. So fear and excitement. They do feel very similar in the body. What's the difference? How can we discern which ones here and which ones?

BH: Now, you're right. That is a very tough question. And I think it's probably a little bit different for everybody and their ability to understand their emotions.

For me, when I am… for me, I try to take just a cool approach to and find the balance of fact versus feelings to understand if my feelings are excitement or if my feelings are validated fears.

And if it is a validated fear that I will lean into that. But if it's an unvalidated fear so for example, if I'm taking on a new client or my consulting and it's in a business that I've never worked in before, but what they're asking for help with is something that I've done a million times.

I might get a feeling of that. That belly feeling that feels a little bit of victim like that butterflies anxious feeling of trying something new. But I can take a piece of paper or now I've gotten to a point where I can do it in my head. I used to write it down on a piece of paper of the facts that validate why I should be doing something why those nervous feelings are really excited feeling so I might say they're looking to help for building your business plan and build a million business plans. I tell all my other clients successfully build their business plans, you know, although I might not know their exact industry really well. I am really good at research and I can help them do that and they know their industry really well so they bridge the gap. And I can write down all of those facts that I can read and say, Okay, so this is a this is an unvalidated and it's probably just me being unsure but also exciting, new opportunity.

Obviously when it's just a pure excitement feeling. I think I have enough my body connection to understand just it's truly excitement, but it's I think it's more when it's gray area. Is this something I should be excited about?

But I'm not really sure how I feel. And so actually physically writing things down to figure that out for me has been really helpful.

[21:44] VL: Amazing. That's definitely something that we can do. Right away we can write our feelings down and understand if they are legitimate fears or something that may be that we're struggling with. That's part of entrepreneurship, just like you said, it's really about the mindset. it's really about personal development and personal growth. And you mentioned that it's quite the roller coaster and I would echo that for sure.

BH: ​​There's this saying that I can't remember where I heard it. I heck you're probably gonna be like Biranne I told you that. Like, is it the story or is it the story I'm telling myself? And so what's the reality versus the reality I'm trying to make through? And so that that's kind of a place that I put myself in, and we're literally saying, is this the story or is this the story I'm telling myself and try to work through the muddy waters of that to figure out what what the right direction is?

VL: Exciting. This is so powerful. Okay, so we have our clarity on our passion. We know what we want to do. We're feeling ready. We've overcome the mindset blocks to say that we can't do it and we're taking steps for what next? How would we get from where we are now to really working and diving into our passions. 

[23:06] BH: I think it's different for everybody. I think surrounding yourself with the right people is asking for help. building yourself up. I think when it comes to entrepreneurship and following your passion, there's one thing it's one thing to be passionate about. Something and it's another thing to take tangible, proper steps in the right directions to follow those passions and truly make them successful.

Whereas I see a lot of people in entrepreneurship. They're super passionate about something so they just like, dive right in without even thinking and as much as I love that, like heck yeah, do the thing. There's also a level of like, okay, can we figure out what the actual steps are to taking it in the right direction? And to me that is sitting down and writing down okay, what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses, where are the holes that I have? So I might be passionate about?

Pilates, I may be really passionate about Pilates. And so I really want to be a teacher and I really want to take it there. What's the first step? I'm a great student, but here's a whole I actually don't have a certification to teach Pilates like, that's a relevant poll. Okay, I go and get my certification. What's the next step and actually sitting down and figuring out hey, I'm really passionate about something. Let's draw out the steps which is why I love the business. Plan, because I think it naturally gives you the ladder to success. If you do it properly. If you take the time to really build a strong business plan, you can start at day one, and be at year three, and see a clear path of how you're gonna get there. Yes, things are gonna change along the way. Yes. The roller coaster is gonna go upside down and backwards and you're going to take a million wrong turns but at the end of the day, you always have that one thing that you will come back to to say, okay, when I sat down passionate about Pilates, this was my plan and the roller coaster went backwards, but I know how to turn around and make you go forwards again, because I had that plan to lean on to make sure that I'm going in the right direction. 

And the roller coaster turns around goes backwards because life happens. Pin down and rewrite that and that's totally okay. It circumstances drastically change but to have something to guide you through that passion, and then use that passion as fuel every single day to follow that path to say the Pilates certification courses no, no, it's fine. like yes, I love Pilates. but no, I don't want to learn. I don't want to do a CPR course that comes along with it. like that's boring to me. but I'm passionate about what I do. I'm passionate about the end result so I'm gonna do that anyways to take the next step in the right direction and doing it properly.

[26:06] VL: Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a really, really good idea because it kind of maps it out for you without you having to do anything and then be able to build a business plan with someone who knows how to build a business plan. they're going to be asking all the right questions, but I also think really helps.

Sometimes people come to me with business ideas, and I ask a lot of questions. I think if you're passionate about something that's really amazing. That's definitely your first step. But there are a lot of things that people don't realize if they're not already in business. If they're not business owners and entrepreneurs. And because you and I have those experiences, we can ask those questions. What are you gonna do if this happens? What are you gonna do if this happened and where do you where do you want to be here? And of course, that stuff isn't always fun. It's always like no, absolutely not. It feels a little bit like people are asking you questions are taking the wind out of your sails, but really, it's not. It's setting you up for success and setting you up for because even in my coaching with with healthy habits, we're talking about small, seemingly insignificant behaviors. That we are building every single day. 

We’re asking these questions questions because I know that these are very common obstacles that come up, but guess what we're gonna prepare ourselves. Now. Stuff like those things come up to come up in the future, are not going to let it dim our light. We're not going to let it snuff out our fire. We're going to keep that fire and keep that passion going to continue to move forward and continue to grow. And we only get better at it. It does get easier then secondly, thirdly, or whatever it is. So okay, let's say we were in it. We've we've been able to transition maybe it looks a little different for everybody. Maybe it was a quick transition. Maybe it was a little bit slower, but we're doing the passionate loving goes by all of a sudden, something else starts to give her a little bit of a little edge. And now all of a sudden, we notice something else just like you and your consulting agency. What what are we doing women want to change or shift your passions? how do we get over those mindset blocks and what does that look like?

[28:40] BH: I think it's a lot of listening and learning to listen to yourself and to learn to listen to those feelings and not push them aside and not think that I wasn't worthy or think that I was letting myself or somebody else down because I had new passions. So the first thing is truly acknowledging those feelings as they're there for a reason. They're coming up for a reason. And everything happens for a reason. And that's something that I truly believe in.

So, I think it's very similar to the first time around, it's sitting down and it's saying, Okay, this passion is poking at me. So what does that look?

I have the experience of when this was all when my consulting was coming out. This little idea wish that I had but I was too scared to say it out loud. I was too scared to write it down. I was too scared to get out of my brain because I was like I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know what good enough I was also coming out of a place in my life and like it was a season of my life where I was lacking confidence. My mental health was not in its best place. I was really struggling. 

But I was doing a lot of work like I was talking to a therapist. I was you know, doing the journaling but I still wouldn't journal about this one thing that I was like, I feel like this could get me out of this. And then I made the decision of going to allow myself and I went I asked my mom if she wanted to go on a little mother daughter trip. So I did figure out what my next step was. And so we went to Vancouver together and on the flight four and a half hours. I sat down. I feel like half an hour because I wrote down everything that I wanted to do all of my ideas. How can I build this business? What does it look like? I didn't have a structured business plan. But I was like basically writing one in my notebook and going through every single thing that could happen should happen. What would my daily structure look like in balancing multiple businesses and how can I make that happen? What support what I need? So what am I starting with now? What am I going to do in a year from now if I see the growth that I want to see and I literally just put everything that was in my brain on a piece of paper. I got to the first thing we did was go up for dinner my mom's like, okay, let's talk about some ideas. What are you thinking and like, you know, Mom, I actually spent four and a half hours and I wrote her the entire plan and so like I'm happy to read it to you, but I think I think I got this. 

She's like, Brianne, we just got here?! I thought the whole plan was to figure this out once we got here?! Yeah, I mean, you know, I think I still have a lot to do. 

Obviously you can't plan a whole business four to five hours. But I got so much further because I just allowed myself to feel those feelings and to put aside the feelings of, I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm letting something else go. Because I wasn't. It was just finding a balance. And that's something that I've opened myself up to over the last six months is if something comes into my life, it's not how is this going to hurt something else? How is it going to take away some from something else? It's how do I schedule my life so that it can fit? And then what support do I need to make it all fit for?

I hired a virtual assistants because I was like, I'm really struggling with keeping up with my emails. And my inbox is a mess and I hate the person that misses emails or has 500 unread emails. I feel unorganized. So I need somebody to help me with that. So really, it was about and it is about as I get bored, because I'm continuing to beat myself up and and people think I'm crazy. Brianne, you own two businesses.

You're doing all these things. On the street. And I'm like, well, it's difficult, but I do it because I'm passionate about it. And I do it because what would my life be like if it wasn't following my passion? What if I didn't listen to that gut feeling I just passed it off.

And I didn't get to do what I love every single day. I didn't get that feeling of filling up a cup every single time I get occupied.

As I want to follow my passions, I want to be happy. And yeah, that might mean that I'm busy. And it might mean that I have a lot going on. But then that comes down to me and managing that and figuring out how to manage that how to be the most efficient in my tasks. Because yeah, I could work volunteer district full time. I can literally consulting full time. but instead, I find a way to do both Well, and to do most efficiently so that I get to do two things.

[33:25] VL: I love it so much. I think your story is really inspiring and I think it's also gives people permission to get on a notebook and a pen and just write whatever is happening because I know and this is like a whole other podcast episode I feel like is learning to listen to yourself. I got it. 

I understand that connection, because unfortunately for one of us we're so distracted and are so disconnected from that gut intuition that I really feel like journaling as much as it's not – It's not like my first go to thing that I do but I can definitely find it really helpful when I am doing it. And if that's a little practice that people can get into, and then even being able to look back and to see like, what, what really lived here today or what was that idea that I was writing about? Does it still resonate with me? Does it still feel like I want to do this? or do I still envision myself going into that business or starting this product or helping these types of people? and yeah, I think there's a lot of power in that.

BH: you know, to be honest, I love journaling and it's funny because probably three times in this episode I said, You should write things down, but I find that there's this box that you put yourself into when you and this is just my personal opinion and it works differently for everyone. If I tell myself that I'm going to journal every single day, and when I've had not so great mental health sticks in my life that is something that I've tried to do because it helps me get my feelings out. But I wouldn't say that I'm like an avid journaler. But I because I feel like once we put the label of journaling onto it for some reason people get it myself included. I get put off of it. I'm like I don't want to just like write down about my feelings. Whereas I rely on writing and like, like I like to call the word vomiting into my notebook to just get my feelings and thoughts out of my brain because sometimes it's so overwhelming like I could not fit another thing in my brain right now. and I need to get it out. So whether that's saying it out loud to someone or writing it down and most often I just feel most comfortable about writing it down first so I can kind of flush out my own thoughts before I talk to somebody about it.

So yeah, I just I want people to know that journaling doesn't have to be that sticky. boring. What did I do today? how do I feel today kind of journaling doesn't even have to be the like manifestation type. of journaling, it can literally be just one, like your brain is full or when you're feeling starting to feel that that feeling of, maybe I should be doing something or whatever that is.

Writing it down and just word vomiting onto a page I think is the best way to get that out and then read it back and be like oh I didn't actually know I felt that until you write it down, you know what I mean.

But yeah, that's just something that I wanted to mention because i i to get put off sometimes with journaling with when it's structured. 

[36:48] VL:  For sure I'm glad you said that. I feel similarly, and I word vomit and brain dump all the things and copious amounts of lists like you wouldn't just ideas and and this is another podcast episode. 

On all of our ideas have to come to fruition, but it's important to get them out into and to filter them. so yeah, this has been really amazing. We do have a rapid fire show before we get there. Is there anything else that hasn't been said today that you really feel like sharing?

BH: Thanks, so just spending the time to learn to listen to yourself. And your life experience is different than anybody else. No matter how much you say about what our experience has been yours is going to be different. Your gut feeling might be different. Your passions are different. So learn to listen to that and do the work to a sense that at the end of the day, when you're passionate about something you can follow those passions successful. And it's it's a guarantee success will come If you follow follow your happiness At the end of the day being happy matters so follow that follow those passions.

VL: So good. Brianne where can we find you? Where can we follow you? how can we support your business?

Instagram: @consultingby.b 

Website: https://www.consultingbyb.com/

Podcast: Spotify

Episode with Val: Embracing Your Multi-Passionate Self

RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

BH: I am currently reading my favourite book, it’s called How to Do the Work. by Dr. Nicole LePera 

And it really gives you some of the tools to do that mind body connection. And that's what it's all about. It's a really great mix of science and like psychology, and that body connection that is sometimes seen as a little bit less scientific quote unquote, but she does such a good job of pulling them together to help you understand like your child and why you do things, certain ways and why you think certain ways and it really challenges your thinking. and I'm obsessed with that kind of thing.

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

BH: I think there's two ways that you can look at it you can see it as external environment or internal environment and I really like to lean into the internal one because I think there's a lot that we can do from inside ourselves. we just have to find it. So empowerment to me like self empowerment would be leaning into the things that you love.

Leaning into happiness. and being empowered to solve that problem. be empowered to continue. And that's one of the biggest things that I've kind of been working on in the last couple years, myself and the power that comes with empowering yourself to be yourself is just going to continue to have

3. What is your longest standing habit?

BH: Good or bad? *laughs* When it comes to work is starting my day off with a to do list slash plan and exactly what my day looks like. because I haven't saying if it's not on my calendar, it's not happening. So I always spent the beginning of my day. Looking at my calendar, figuring out what the tasks between my meetings, and like that's every single day I do that.

4. What are you currently working toward?

BH: I am currently working toward building all of my businesses I have new exciting works So building that business and looking forward to sharing it with the world soon.

VL: Thank you so much for this amazing conversation. I feel like you you've given so many great words of wisdom. so I know that it's hard to keep re listening to this episode for sure. And like I said, I'm going to leave everything in the show notes page on how to contact you. but I did want to say that you are much appreciated the work that you do, the passion that you have and being able to all that, like I said earlier, it really gives people permission to do that and I feel like so energized, I know I came on this episode not feeling as energized and now I feel like Yes, life is good. Passion is everything. I keep this fire going. that's awesome. Thank you.

BH: Thank you so much.

VL: Thank you! This has been an absolute pleasure.

BH: Absolutely. For me too.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding

Based in Western Canada, Robyn brings a proven process and a solid business background to the world of coaching.

A business strategist who helps coaches, creatives and healers build a booked out online business and scale their impact. Her coaching style is optimistic, joyful and focused on play and ease with consistent action. She has been called a “gentle powerhouse” because she gets things done without the fluff while still being connected to our inner knowing using her signature framework "The Profitable Way"…

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[01:05] Valerie LaVigne: Hi, Robyn, I'm so excited that you are on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm gonna be honest, you were like one of my wish list people to have on the show so I'm very excited that you're here. 

Robyn Gooding: Thank you so much for having me. It's such a joy to be here.

VL: It's really incredible. I'll share a little bit about how we met because I feel like we've crossed paths a few times. and then it wasn't really until you've moved across the country. So we started working together. And so at a networking event in Toronto, Ontario, a very long time ago, I don't know how many years ago, I want to say.

RG: It would have been 2018.

VL: Okay, so four years ago, and I think one of the speakers it was like a very casual event, and you seemed so exotic to me. Because I was like, How did someone who grew up in South Africa, create a magazine and then becomes this like Globetrotter and has this amazing coaching business and I was like, just in awe of you and I thought, wow, this person is so inspiring. I want to know this person. And that same night you came over to my friend and I were sitting there talking together, and you introduce yourself and I was like, Oh, wow, like even though you've accomplished so much, you don't have this like, you know, you know the energy that I'm talking about, right? it's like it's just like a not grounded energy.

And you truly do embody this wonderful, beautiful self that you are, and it's really cool to see in these different ways so fast forward and make my long story short, and you move to the town that I actually lived in, which is just outside of Toronto, invited me over to your home for this beautiful little woman circle that you hosted, which I thought was just like, so lovely, and I had a great time. And actually, the rapid fire round of the show was inspired by some of the questions that you asked at that women's circle so like I'm telling you, you are on my wish list for the podcast for a while.

And then… you moved away! We were connected and then you decided to move to BC. And I don't even know we just got to talk virtually.  Then you we're opening up a kind of group coaching. and I'm sure you'll talk about this moment in the show, but you opened up the door to the hybrid coaching.

I signed up and I was just like, I'm ready. I'm ready for some scaling in my business. I need some up leveling. We're just finishing actually, everything.

So yeah, I think from from where I'm at, I feel like I'm so happy to be so happy to leave these connections and stay together even though, you know so much of the world has changed so much of our whole lives has changed in the last few four years which is crazy to think about.

That was my long winded introduction.

[04:44] RG: Oh my god. thank you. Firstly, oh my gosh, I've just like full body forms right now. I really appreciate you sharing all of that. and it's really funny to hear how other people perceive you because I feel like I can say the exact same things about you. And it's funny how I would never have known that drawn to you as well. But this is the the energy that I talk about all the time or we just find our people and our paths cross. and there's very few things that can interrupt that when it's time to be in that process and moving across the country from being in the scene didn't change that.

VL: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And yeah, I think it's really cool how we've been able to connect over the past several months actually working with you is really business, which I've been sharing a little bit about on the podcast, but I want to take people a little bit more behind the scenes into some of the work that I don't think entrepreneurs really talk about and I don't think business owners really share is that mindset practice the self connection.

Really get into that connection with self and those feelings of like, how you move across the country and why we were attracted to each other to speak more and to connect that way to build that relationship. Like there's this. It's almost like this invisible energy or this quiet work that people have to do or that entrepreneurs have to do and I know that I've learned a little bit more about this through you but I really have to say it's not something that I've seen anywhere else, or like it's not something that's talked about anywhere else. so can you tell us a little bit more about what embodiment practices are?

[06:41] RG: Yeah, so I'll talk about what I want to give a little context to why this work matters. And why because you're writing it's not something that is prevalent, especially in the business coaching world. And I knew it was essential because I have always been entrepreneurial and always been creative, but for so long in my flight would be really left from like, literally my not even my voice but like my ears, you know, like this, like listen and see and and I would censor myself when I would not necessarily express my true feelings. I'm not sure I was even fully connected with what's mine. Being like a highly sensitive, empathetic person. I was always observing things and then processing them and sitting in but not necessarily connecting them with my own wisdom and my body.

When I started to realize it required me to follow my path, and it looked very different from other people's paths. A lot of people call me crazy people I really love I had this amazing job was the fastest growing franchise in the world. I was working from their head office and I walked away to overseas. Walked away from my place I truly never wanted to be there. 

what you see is what you get. For myself. I'm very creative, most passionate and destroyed a lot of projects. I'm finished a lot of projects. That was my past that was my story. And that's to live in a place where everybody is like a master detail and more about the mechanics of themselves. And like not wanting to make a splash not wanting to make anything about that. This really beautiful experience and that process really connecting with my with my body especially because of the Japanese artist.

And that was my first real introduction to it. From the Japanese perspective. I was taken to these Japanese women and I was mortified because you have to be totally naked. and I found that I wasn't expecting it. but through these rituals and through these experiences, I started to really pay attention to the sensual experience of being and loving and like physically connected with my body and I don't even know what to say, disconnected, but I don't, I can't remember the time.

When you're leading a business and you have to really you have to make hard decisions, you have to take risks and it takes a lot of courage and wisdom and you have to learn how to drown out voice and tune into your truth and listen to your own intuition and trust yourself even when other people don't get it even when the world isn't making sense to see things the way you see. And so that is what initiated my my return to my body. my internal wisdom, my intuition.

The first thing for me was forest bathing, which is basically when you’ve gone into nature and you’re really, really mindful of it so you’re like immersing yourself in the experience; sensual experience with being in nature and you’re really not.

And then you're really it's almost like just being really in and that the thing was I started getting into spontaneous dance not just just really moving to music and being connected with yourself at first alone and that in groups which was really scary at first. You know when you're surrounded by the right community when you're surrounded by people who are speaking naturally. It's really a great space for you.

[11:58] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that. That's amazing. I definitely clenched up when you did forest bathing. I was like I don't know my writing. But I have done the embodiment dancing and yes at first you're like there's no way I'm doing this in a group of people I went to a couple years ago.

This was part of the festival like the dancing and you would look around at people who were doing these dances and I just kept thinking, oh my god to have that encouraged to have that connection to have that like I don't care about what anyone thinks to me like that's such a powerful vibration to have to share. And so I ended up doing it but like it did take me a little time and it took like little voice in my head and I just had to say stop talking get out of there and just go for it. But it's it's just like it is really a practice because it's almost like you have to continue to do it. And you have to continue to build that connection with yourself. So breath work when you said that I feel like that's maybe where I want to take this next because for forest bathing and for ecstatic dance or embodiment dancing in groups like it just seems a little bit like out there. And I mean like if you're a jump right in person, this would be a great a great practice for you. But breathwork I feel is such a wonderful, intimate practice that can that you can do and it's almost like that stepping stone to get into those deeper practices. So can you share a little bit about the breathwork practices that you do?

[13:43] RG: Yeah, totally agree.

I would say the first one I was doing before I really knew what I was doing, which made it easier because I didn't go in with the intention. to be doing breath work is you know, I'm someone that really needs to Okay, like I don't like the feeling of being even like intoxicated. like, I'd like to be sober. I like to be really mindful to take control. And so the first time, I was kind of caught up guard.

Which was like very much like the right word that they use, but you do feel that lightness and you do feel that sensation, and my hands were like clamping and I was having was like a whole body experience. And so I didn't do it for a little bit and then I came back to it.

I realized once like it was guiding me teaching you how to create better safety events you I have like a training session and then I started doing different breathwork practices that were more gentle at first Now I do Holotropic and I'm more comfortable calling myself But there are so many chancel breathwork practices that are just such a beautiful stepping stone to just really be present in your body and live in.

I’ve been in classes where people feel emotions that they just didn’t expect were there. But it’s so therapeutic after you just feel it and it doesn't have to be a daily practice.

Just the access it's giving me It's really all in this online world and brainstorming things from each other, was inspired by what's really influenced my work more than I wanted it to, to really I wanted it to be mine I wanted that distinction. Between what was mine and allied me to foster that trust.

[16:56] VL: I love that music and it's something where it can really just start as outlined breathing at this time because you've said so many things today that really highlight. A lot of people are feeling I have definitely caught myself in that upper body like head ears, eyes, thinking, see listening, and it's all external. Watching what's outside, thinking about what I'm seeing and hearing what's outside. And these embodiment practices, they really get you to turn inward. And you know the ones that you've touched on today they have to do with something innate that we already have our breath. You have to do with nature they have to do with movement, and those are all things that don't mean anything else outside of us to connect to those things. I mean, I mean nature like technically that is outside but but it's part of, you know, the grassroots, so to speak, and really getting to that deepest layer. And it's funny that we're talking about this because they've been feeling like I have so many ideas and I have so much excitement for these ideas and yet I can't seem to articulate any of that. That's how I'm feeling like it should this be a podcast episode or should this be an Instagram post? Well, what can I put this in? And it's becoming this mental loop of I don't know what to do because I'm in like an analysis paralysis, I guess you could say and I know that one, I need to know what I should be doing. 

What I need to be myself and to start grounding and to start tapping into those embodiment practices. So I feel like we've shared quite a quite a thorough introduction into what this is, but maybe we can speak to the people who are listening or like I'm slightly into the Whoo, but it feels a little bit too much. For me. What can we say to that?

RG: I was that person. So I was you. And I would say that I've always had a really strong intuition, like from a child. I've just always known intuitively and I've learned to listen to that. I was lucky to grow up in a family that didn't make that wrong. But I think what we have to understand is that we live in a society and a system that has conditioned us to dial down our feminine wisdom. It's it's taught us to be more observant. Off the system because then we're absorbing the system versus operating from our own truth and our own essence, and we're harder to control. We're harder to brainwash, we're harder to squeeze into the mocks that the powers that be and honestly it isn't always easier.

It really does require methods to your trip it does. And the more that you do it harder it is to literally sounds like yours And that is a courageous path. So I understand I'm comfortable.

But I will say you know it didn't happen overnight. You don't have to zero to hero in the blink of an eye. But if you're sure as expressed curiosity, take your next best step Follow the breadcrumbs. Everyone's ready to gain access for wisdom like what I do not need you.

You’re here. You are literally a miracle. And it is a disservice to yourself. So many people literally don't even know what they think or how they feel about things because they learn to just trust people outside of themselves. More than I think it's a dangerous place for all of us.

[21:39] VL: Yeah, I agree. That's and it's sometimes happy to hear too but there's definitely been some instances I'm sure. listening even found myself thinking like, when did I trust my gut in the past? And where did that bring me? And it's like, it brought me to magic. It brought me to where I am today which is part of my dream, which connected me with you which connected me with other people in my life. I've had on the show or become mentors for me and coaches.

When I don't trust those things, and I follow someone else's path or someone else's idea, I'm living someone else's life. And that's not the life that I want to live and even sometimes we think like, oh, this is a big goal for me, because I heard some students.

And sometimes we get to that point, and we're like, oh, wait a second. That actually isn't something that I ever wanted. Or this wasn't what I thought But if we don't have that connection to who we are, and to connect to that embodied self, then how will we ever know what it is? and how we want to feel and how we want to live and how we want to show up. So this is definitely something that I think a lot of business owners or people in general could really take from today.

So, for the people wanting to do this, and to get an alignment with themselves, and to create that connection.

What would you say would be like the best way to start today if they turn off the podcast right now, I think just wanted to connect to themselves what's the one thing that that can do?

[23:28] RG: The easiest thing in the world. It’s just literally observe what’s happening for you, observe, where you’re wanting to distract.

Just observe and don't make it right or wrong. It just sit in that silence structured in yourself to be an observer and observe. And then if that's really uncomfortable to find. So I think it can be really helpful to have a guide to have somebody who can teach you. If people are searching, and there are sliding-scale and opportunities.

We can do a guided breathwork class that can be a really great introduction. And then on our phones on access to guided meditation, sitting in silence, Okay, and just a little bit to do a five minute gratitude guided meditation.

Gratitude is all of this not feeling happy because when we can tap into gratitude, I mean, I can talk about science to support this conversation. But there's a lot of science to support. And so if you can just bring your awareness of gratitude and just send feelings of gratitude and you're gonna start seeing patterns that's going to sort of incentivize you a little bit more, especially going down this path. And I think you said something really powerful about helping.

This is why I mean, as a coach, you see, everyone's all the things and we have so many people marrying the wrong people having children when they didn't want to and like really big things that people probably want to like for social circle, development to culture. And there was and in our circle, we're seeing more and more people just feeling like they're acting in their own lives. Living a life that feels deeply meaningful and fulfilling. and it's leading to depression and anxiety, and addiction and all of these things. And so if we can just come back to gratitude and presence and mindfulness with ourselves, we can discern ourselves, what is our true rhythm we need one surfaces.

[26:23] VL: I never know what's going to happen. And if I take that leap, I have no idea. Or I can stay still and know that this is where I'm going to be in a year or two years or three years, whatever that is. And the thought of staying stagnant and doing what I was doing was so much more frightening.

Terrifying than taking the leap. Into the vast unknown. But again, that was just the time. It was one of the times where I followed my gut instinct to change, trust myself, and it shifted everything for me. It changed my whole life and I'm so glad that I, that I did that and so but I was also meditating frequently I had a very physical practice that I was committed to. I was doing gratitude journaling every single day like I was bodying the embodiment practices I was doing the work daily and I feel like the more consistent we can be with these practices, the deeper that connection are, and the quicker that connection builds as well.

And it becomes easier to trust yourself when you're are connected and when you're not numbing yourself, but I know that there are a lot of us that are caught up in the outside the external, the sheds.

So I really wanted to make a point of just being compassionate to yourself when you're going into this journey because like you mentioned, it's not always easy and it's always fun.

But at the end of the day, it's always worth it

RG: It is.

VL: Okay, I want to jump into our rapid fire round, but before we get into that, is there anything that hasn't been said? That you want to share on this topic?

RG: Well, I think the fact that I've met so many entrepreneurs and visionaries and rebels, and people who just don't relate, they feel a little bit like a mess. And I just want to speak to anybody who's listening now.

But as scary as it is, you will find your opinion will always belong in the gift of this work is that when you look to yourself, That becomes a little bit less important. but you will find your people no matter what path you take you. you know as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. It's like when you're ready, your community, and you will always be open supported on your journey

[29:29] VL: Oh my gosh I’m going to burst out laughing… So go ahead These are meant to oh my gosh, I couldn't laugh I get a burst out laughing so I don't know if I shared this with you but around the time when you reached before you reach out to me about club rise in your hybrid coaching program. I was thinking like, ready to take the lead, wants to hire a coach but I don't know who I should hire so I had three people in for one of them. And the first person was a friend who I'd seen have a lot of success but she was going through something really troubling and because I knew that from her on an intimate level. I felt like it wasn't the right time for us to work like that together. We're still friends and everything. The second person I also heard really good things about but I just wasn't getting that like that poll. And then I didn't even know if you're offering anything at the time but I knew you were doing coaching. And so that week, you reached out to me and you like randomly I don't think we were talking to each other for a little while then and he randomly reached out to me. And that was that sign and that poll and that nudge that I needed to confirm my feeling about these three different people. So even though I kind of already knew because I was doing the inner work because I'm pretty connected to myself because I have a pretty strong intuition. I knew that it was going to be you but because of that confirmation. And I think that's really cool is that when you start to connect more to yourself, you start to see the people who you said you're going to magnetize and attract into your life. You also start to see the signs, and the synchronicities and all those things lining up. And the act is also really amazing because it's just confirmation that you are being supported. It's confirmation that you're on the right track. And the same goes for when you're not on the right track. And all of a sudden things are going wrong and you're like Why isn't this working? why does everything feel so forceful? Why do I have to push so hard? like why is it so hard if if you find yourself repeating those words, Then, you know, in my in my experience I'm not listening to my my intuition I'm not. I'm not doing my embodiment practices at all.

RG: Yeah I agree.

And sometimes you know, when you were saying how it was scarier to be stagnant than to take that chance, that's one of my favorite quotes is sometimes the risk to stay in the mud is greater than the risk of loss. And one thing I tell people is you always know you know, sometimes we can get in our heads a little bit about oh, like, you know, for example, in a relationship should I stay or should I go and have friends say to me, I don't know if I should stay or should I go and I think you will, You will always And so not to risk a decision or not to force but to allow yourself to the two sides to the things that you're deciding between and to trust you know you'll know. And if you're ready to go down that path.

VL: I love all of it. and I know that people listening are going to do also love everything that you're saying so. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you and how can we support your business?

Website | www.robyngooding.com

Instagram | @robyn.gooding 

Podcast | The Profitable Way

Group Program | Club Rise

RG: To work with me, I have my program that you were so honored that we got to work together club rise which is really tiny, tiny coaching, tiny group coaching for entrepreneurs writing And it's specifically focused towards soulful and service based entrepreneurs, coaches, creatives, consultants, wellness practitioners, anybody in that role? And it's for you if you're looking to make more money. Clean up your back end systems structure your business in a way that sustainable.

VL: It’s wonderful and amazing. I’ll speak to it myself

RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

It Ends With Us - Colleen Hoover

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

It's very internally oriented. Basically, feeling grounded in my truth and activated and liberated to receive that.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Probably, I have two, so one is bathing before bed and waking up and walking.

4. What are you currently working toward?

So my words for this year are joy and appreciation. And so what I'm working toward is expanding my capacity to feel more joy and to receive risky or goodness in my life without self sabotaging or making I have a long history with waiting for the other shoe to drop and not allowing myself to be deeply present in the moments of good because I'm scared of being blindsided by the bad, and I think that the pandemic has. It did accelerate that because so many of us blindsided by the length of the intensity and the loss and the grief and all of that.

So my my intention, the thing I'm really working towards this year is to sort of shed that experience and lean into more joy which is for me different to happiness because it's not based on external circumstances. And it's really about living a joyful life.

Like being in that feeling of joy. Brene Brown calls it the most courageous emotion and I cannot agree more it feels honorable and he doesn't want to be joyful.

VL:  Amazing thank you so much for sharing your a little bit of your story and your wisdom and these practices with us. It's such a unique topic. So I'm not sure if anyone listening is like, Oh, I'm going to try this or maybe you just need to be reminded like I did that these are the tools that we have available to us that we just need to take action on. So I appreciate you taking the time and sharing all of this goodness with us.

RG: Yeah, you are so incredible. And I'm so grateful to have met you and to be able to work with you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you and thank you so much for like gifting me the opportunity to speak to this because it's a business coach. most people want you to talk about money and strategy and online marketing and all of this stuff but in my experience is the energy and the embodiment mindset soul stuff. that always is the make or break get business to life. to all of it so I appreciate you going there.

VL: I'm so glad you said that because a friend of mine, she says that entrepreneurship is personal development with a paycheck. And if you're not if you're not doing the soul work, then you're just not you're not doing it and I feel like every time I hear someone's story about how they made this huge shift or they up leveled in their life, it was when they blocked out the noise. They took the leap they trusted themselves or they or I keep hitting my microphone or the universe forced them into a space where they had no choice but to connect themselves. So again, amazing and everyone needs this Everyone needs this.

RG: Yeah, I I agree. I always say your business cannot outgrow you. So if you want your business to grow, you've got to be willing to go there.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business

When Stephanie and I first connected, she was just starting her business and was diving deeper into personal development. But there was a missing piece to the work and habits she was already doing. This missing piece turned out to be a powerful part of her journey, and made a huge impact on the behaviours and actions she was currently doing and elevated her success and daily life moving forward…

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[01:00] Valerie: Stephanie, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here. 

Stephanie: I am so excited to be here as well. I was very flattered when you asked me to be on it.

VL: Well, I think what's really cool about how we met each other and maybe I'll just slip this in here before you tell your story is that you signed up for a workshop of mine on a whim and we didn't really know each other and then we kind of got connected through friends and through social media. And it was really cool to see you in this workshop and then see your growth and follow you online this way. Because it was so new for me. That's a new experience for me. So I loved seeing how you were sharing this journey. And I thought, oh my gosh, this would be such a great story to share with the podcast and I know you're a listener of the podcast, so this is so great.

SK: Yeah. 

VL: So why don't you start off with telling us a little bit about yourself and how you got into creating some of the habits that you are right now.

SK: Okay, so I am a mom of three little ones. I have been an educator for 15 years and have left the profession to pursue other things and health and wellness and have really, I thought I always had a healthy habits, but I think I just had habits that didn't necessarily come from a healthy place but more of a place of trying to gain control in my life. And I have really unpacked that for the past two years. And I really think that when I stood when I took your workshop I was I was in a place of saying yes to everything. And so when I saw that the workshop was being run I said okay, yes, I'm going to take that and it really opened up my eyes to the intention.

Everything that I did and the importance of those intentions, and that's really been like a common thread throughout everything I've done in the past two years.

[03:00] VL: That's so amazing. And I'm so glad you talked about intention because I think it's such an interesting introducing and oftentimes you see influencers on social media or you read books about successful people who have this like epic morning routine. I need to do the exact same thing is that but the intention is not there. So can I ask you what your intention was behind some of the habits that you have and maybe if you want to share any of those specific habits?

SK: My intentions now, our inner peace, happiness flow, things that they actually didn't understand. Previously, a friend of mine had asked me Have you ever been in a state of flow? And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Previously, all of my habits revolved around control, control around the way I hate control around the way I have my house controlling I parenting kids, and I didn't realize that that was actually I mean, such a negative impact on my physical and mental health.

When I took your workshop, and I really understood some of the things that I had let go and I had stopped getting dressed. I was still like wearing sweats all the time. It's still putting makeup on and stopped doing my hair. And I realized that I stopped doing those things, because I thought they were frivolous. And once I realized intentions like that the meaning behind it doesn't have to be super deep. But if it's something that you enjoy something that brings you happiness, then then that's a good habit to have. And so that's when I started to put on jeans, or do my makeup and I realized how much happiness that that gave me and I started to look for the happiness in my habits rather than simply having them to gain a sense of control. so things that I do now that are habitual are I make the kids lunch at nighttime, because that gives me an opportunity to be able to work out in the morning.

I will move my body in some way in the morning, that's more for pleasure, rather than punishment.

I move a lot slower throughout life. I allow myself to watch TV for pleasure rather than numbing out. There's lots of different things that I do now and I think about the why the why is most important thing to be like this. 

[05:40] VL: Oh my goodness! I have chills listening to all these things. I love how you're talking about things you were already doing and just shifting the reason behind it. So it wasn't even like you made any massive changes overnight. And even those little photos where you're saying like you're putting your makeup you're dressing the time when you meet your kids lunches. It sounds like it's making it I know from watching you it's it looks like a tail that diverts making such a small shift of why is making such a greater impact or a bigger difference in your life. So I'm so glad that you said yes to that workshop. I'm so glad that you put the the things that you've learned into action into real life. So as I'm listening to your story, and I can relate to wanting to control everything, there's lots going on, we need to make sure that all the ducks in a row we need to make sure that we are going at the same time. And if someone is listening to this and thinking like I can relate I am also someone who feels like they need to be in control. What would you say to that person who wants to keep pushing forward even though they love what your peers say they love hearing that flow sounds amazing and happiness. How do we how do we move from that control how do we introduce this happiness and tension?

SK: So the funny thing is I kind of came to the realization through reading a parenting book called The Awakened family. And that made me realize that I was trying to gain a massive sense of control around everything, my outside to control the inner chaos and it was like a light bulb that went off and I didn't know how to shift out of that. So I went to therapy and I asked my therapist, and he said it's like a form of OCD to expose yourself to it. So the greatest thing was to allow myself to feel discomfort.

And that was where the biggest growth came. Because I wasn't going to let go of things that I was doing that I enjoyed like I enjoy working out. I enjoy eating healthy. I enjoy having a clean house and an organized house. But it was bringing more turmoil trying to keep it perfect. So I had to let myself feel the discomfort if those things didn't happen. And understanding that a habit doesn't have to be confined like you don't have it doesn't have to be so restrictive and that is what I didn't understand. I thought that if I let go, then it would feel like a sense of failure. And I also started to find myself a person who had these really strict habits and was I without them and once I realized that I didn't need to be that person who was perfect and let down so much of that guard actually allowed so much more ease into my life and people were able to really relate to me more and it was a sense of vulnerability that I wasn't prepared to share with people prior to that, but just you know, getting uncomfortable was my greatest gift.

[08:57] VL: So incredible. I love that and I know that you and I were chatting a couple of days ago or whatever that was like you were like I'm so uncomfortable on this podcast. It's sort of totally out of my comfort zone like you've got this and here you are showing up and rocking it.

What do you think was the biggest surprise about this mindset shift for you and about these changes in your habits? What surprised you the most?

SK: I think what surprised me the most is that I could be happier. Or I could gain a bigger sense of control both by letting go of control. And I really have thought so much more about that recently, because I didn't have a lot of control in my life as a child. I mean, it all goes back to childhood, right? So I didn't have a lot of sense of control as a child. And I gained that sense of control by creating these habits around certain things in my life and that and that made me feel safe and that made me feel in control. And once I realized that I could let go of that and still feel a sense of safety.

That was biggest shift and understanding that healthy habits are things that move you forward in the right direction whereas unhealthy habits can still look to the outer world like healthy habits, but if they don't make you feel good inside, If they feel like really restrictive then they're not actually healthy for you.

VL: So here's a tricky question. 

What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either: What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either.

[11:40] SK: Yeah. So in terms of things that don't necessarily right. I have been a restrictive eater for about 20 years. I still really enjoy eating healthy but I need to keep a check on myself on what that actually looks like and I can very easily slip back into a little bit of negative thoughts around eating healthy. I don't know if you've heard of orthorexia, which is the obsession with healthy eating right. I never thought that that was a bad thing. But now I know better and I had so much disordered eating patterns. And so that's a place that I can really fall back into the negatives mindset the number one thing that keeps me on track is accountability. I'm part of a healthy habits club that I run through my business and we really focus on mindset first, and so that was the missing piece of the puzzle for me, is the mindset piece. So I now do tapping on a regular basis. I practice gratitude on a regular basis. I have a sort of breathwork as well. So focusing on that mindset always brings me back to a really positive place.

And honestly, I don't beat myself up. When I fall off track.

I've realized that there's no such thing as like starting again, or like day one or things like that. It's just like continuing to habit that maybe paused for a little bit and giving yourself grace to do that. You know, when I go on vacation now I don't but I still take on my vitamins drink like greens and do things like that. So I think really not beating yourself up but having some form of accountability, whether that's a friend or group that you're in, in a positive way because I've had accountability groups that focus maybe on those negative habits and And I think that can be a slippery slope and a dangerous path and I just have to keep myself really interact with that.

[13:48] VL: Yeah, that's a great, those are great points, all those titles. I love that you have this have this ability to connect with other people who you know, get the same thing out of it that you do, they need the same support. And I see this all the time with the on the groups that I'm in as well. So you talked about a lot of different habits and some people might be listening and thinking like oh, she took this workshop and then all of a sudden she's always having to change your mindset and all these things. But it didn't come all at once!

SK: no! Like I had a lot of habits in place and I like I said the intention behind it wasn't always healthiest. So it wasn't shifting that mindset and then incorporating new things and asking myself, like who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be?

What are things that make me happy? What would make me happier? What would make me a better parents, all of those things will then help create those habits.

VL: Exactly. And I know that you and I talk a lot about habits, too and it's really about building one at a time and they can all have similar intention or they can have multiple intentions and why is behind them. So I love that you just keep growing and keep pushing yourself and keep stretching and doing all of those things to help you with your habits help you with your growth with your business. With that being said, Is there something that you've really noticed that's changed since you started cultivating these habits with this different intention, whether that's your life, that's your, your job, or maybe it's parenthood, like what kind of changes has have come out of creating these unhealthy habits with this better mindset?

[15:41] SK: Well, I definitely think that's for sure. I think it's created a sense of inner calmness that has allowed me to become a better I think a better human in general. But I also think that it's really reflected on my children. My kids are calmer. They understand the idea of they don't like they're the habits that I'm trying to help them form. But they understand the reason behind it. And I think especially when we're modeling for our little people, teaching them that there's a reason to start these healthy habits is a way to really get them to get on board. And I think that even modeling for you know, I wasn't always the most calm person and modeling like take a deep breath. When I'm going to give myself a timeout. Like all of these different things are really great. ways to show them how to approach life. And so I think it's made me a much calmer, better parents. and I think they can relate to me a lot more and once I let down that guard as well.

VL: 100% I think it's really easy to see and I mean this in the best way is a really a great compliment a doozy to see someone like it just you look like you have it all together.

Smiling but I will say I love those little kind of, I guess like business interruption so like content interruptions, you know, you're talking about your business, you're talking about your habits, you're talking about your success. And then you have these little content interruptions, which is like when your youngest is pulling out all the pots and pans from the drawer and spreading them all over the kitchen and you know it's it's not only a sense of like a course you are letting your guard down and be more vulnerable like not everyone shows this on their social media, but you're also taking people into your space of like being a little bit more behind the scenes and being a little bit more like yeah, behave. Yes, I can still have these habits. Yes, it can still make this work as a business thing things. It's doesn't always look so perfect doesn't always look so effortless right there is work to be done there. There is effort in a lot of the habit, but it's worth it. That's what it sounds like. 

SK: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And and you're right in the fact that like it's not perfect all the time and sometimes I don't feel like doing things at all. But it always comes back to because I've created that habit and because I know how it makes me feel like tap into my why behind and that always brings me back to a good healthy place.

VL: So before we close up, I want my question and that is to get to those whose feeling stuck, what would you say to someone who wants to start a habit but just share or maybe they're afraid or maybe they're confused? what would you say to them?

SK: Well, I think the biggest thing is to dive deep into why you want to start that habit. If it's let's say it's working out because that's something that often people want to start right like why do you want to start doing that? Do you want to be stronger? Do you want to be able to keep up with your kids? Do you want to just have those endorphins released? Do you want quiet time? Do you want to be able to form a community with the people that you go running with or cycle with? Do you want to achieve a certain physical something which there's nothing wrong with as well? Is there something that you want? And why do you want it because every single time that you question that habit or don't feel like doing that habit? Once you're able to tap into that you need a y that's going to actually motivate you because at some point that motivation will be gone. Right so tap into that why and then it will you know push you propel you forward.

VL: your why is that motivation that is that fuel to bring you forward. That's great advice.

So before we say goodbye, is there anything else that you really want to share with anyone listening to this or something that hasn't been said?

SK: I think just don't be afraid of failure. Don't be afraid of getting outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid of looking stupid and don't be afraid of what other people think. Because in the end, it doesn't matter. And I was actually going for a walk with my toddler today and I thought if all of us just approach the world like a toddler like jumping before they know that the ground is there or you know taking a pass where they don't know where it ends, or just wondering about I think we'd be so much happier. And so that's my biggest piece of advice is just, you know, start something before you actually know what the outcome is going to be.

VL: I love that experiment and have fun I love it. I was so good.

Thanks so much for being on the podcast today. I really appreciate you taking the time. I really appreciate you being vulnerable and trying experimenting and learning from your little ones and being able to share that today because honestly every time I see you show up I just feel like my heart is like beaming for you because I have seen the journey and I'm just so excited to keep watching and watching you Grow and Glow so it's really incredible. Thank you.

SK: Well thank you for having me.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E176: The Best Time to to Start New Habits

I like to joke that the best time to start a new habit was yesterday. The second best time is today. But the joke is actually kind of true. One of my only regrets in life is that I didn’t start things sooner. However I’m smart enough to understand: we don’t have the ability to change the past, but we can create a better future by taking action in the present.

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[00:52] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne.

I’m very excited for you for choosing this particular episode. Pressing play on this episode tells me that you - my friend - are interested in creating a new habit/routine/ritual and you’re looking for how to do it successfully.

I don’t believe in coincidences, so trust me when I say… we were meant to cross paths here and now, and this is a great sign/omen to your success.

I’ll get it out of the way at the beginning, in case you’re new to the show: I am a very practical and logical human, and I am also very into the woo and the occult, and I think in a past life I was a quantum or metaphysicasist. If not in a past life, then maybe in my next life!

Anyway, without spoiling your hopes and dreams of learning the exact formula for when you start a new habit, I will let you know that I haven’t discovered that specific formula just yet.

What I will share with you today are the key tips and practices for building new habits, routines, and rituals. And your mission, dear friend, is to take action on experimenting on what you learn today.

Firstly, it’s important to know that it is a lot easier to start a new habit, than it is to break an existing habit.

It’s also a lot easier to replace a current habit than it is to start a new habit entirely.

So take a moment here to think about what new action or behaviour it is that you want to cultivate? What routines would you love to build? What rituals do you want to begin?

Then, consider what existing routines, habits, or rituals can you replace with the new one? If this question is difficult to answer, I recommend doing a habit audit or creating a habit scorecard.

The Habit Scorecard

[03:00] To do this, you will need a piece of paper or notebook and a pen. Here’s how it works: from the moment you wake up, you are going to write down a list of EVERYTHING you do; every activity throughout your day until you go to bed at night.

When writing your list, keep three things in mind:

1. Be detailed

2. Be honest

3. Be non-judgmental

If you can, do this for a WHOLE WEEK. Yes, a whole week. We have different habits every day and usually they repeat weekly.

Once you have your list of daily (and weekly) routines, it’s time to rate them.

Use a yellow highlighter or put a “+” beside good habits. A good habit is beneficial and improves your life. For example: mediation, exercising, staying hydrated, flossing.

Use a blue highlighter or put a “-” beside bad habits. A bad habit is detrimental and doesn’t solve problems in your life (possibly creating a problem in the long term). For example: checking instagram or emails first thing in the morning, grabbing a sugary latte before work every day.

Don’t highlight, or put an “=” beside neutral habits. A neutral habit is something that must be done. For example: getting dressed, going to the bathroom, driving to work, etc.

Then analyze the data: what did you learn about your habits? Which habits/routines can you break by replacing them with your new habits/routines?

If the first way to increase your success with habits was listening to this episode, the second action is figuring out what you will create/replace. Well done!

Now let’s talk about the timing…

Is Timing Everything?

[05:06] Short answer, and in my opinion, no. But I did toil with this for a while. Not “timing” as in the arbitrary dates like the first of January and “new year's resolutions” or the first of the month, or mondays, or what have you. But timing in the sense of: the time of day, or the frequency of the habit, or the stage of life a person is in. 

Is timing important? Definitely. But it isn’t everything.

Some researchers will tell you that doing your habit first thing in the morning leads to success, others will say starting a challenge on a Wednesday is the best day of the week to start something new.

I tell my clients, the best time to do your habit is whenever you actually do it. And this requires some experimentation. 

Experimenting can be fun! And let it be fun and easy and flow! We’ll talk about how “fun” is important for creating new habits a bit later.

When you’re in the experimentation phase, try scheduling your habit at the same time every day for a week, and if that time doesn’t work, try a different time. You’ll begin to notice where and when your habit works best for you to be the most consistent with it. 

At the very beginning of this episode I joked that the best day to start a habit was yesterday, and the second best day is today. If you’re thinking of doing a new habit – you’re already in that decision-making/motivated headspace to take a new action and I say, DO IT!

Do it right now! Who knows what your headspace will be like tomorrow!? (or on Monday or January 1).

In my opinion ACTION is the most important part of creating your habit. Taking physical action and doing the thing you set out to do.

When you are in action, you are moving the needle forward. You are creating new ingrained neural pathways in your brain to make this conscious action unconscious and habitual over time. 

Time… Taking action over time is what I call practice. When we practice we are doing something on purpose. A habit is formed through practice; through repetition. 

[07:44] While we’re in the practice and repetition phase, there are two things that are very important:

1. Consistency

2. Rewards

Aim for consistency over perfection. I always remind my clients that “consistency doesn’t mean every day, it means never giving up.”

So many people give up because they missed a day of their new habit - I see it all the time. Don’t fall into the perfectionism trap! Each day is a new opportunity to start again. Skip a day, or two, but get back on track as soon as you can. Forget perfectionism, focus on consistency.

Reward yourself immediately for doing the new habit or routine. Rewards and celebration are important when leveraging the existing neural pathways to help us create new neural pathways that allow our new habits and routines to become ingrained in our brains. To become habitual and automatic. Rewards release “happy” chemicals and speed up the practice phase.

The immediate reward is especially important when new actions don’t immediately reward us or have benefits on their own, like when we’re changing bad habits, learning new skills, challenging ourselves in new ways. There are certain behaviours that are much more difficult to start and maintain because they push us out of comfort zones, and have us growing in ways that are physically/mentally/emotionally challenging. There is no immediate dopamine release.

The reward or celebration is going to be different for every person and for every habit. For some, checking off a box or putting a sticker on a chart is the perfect amount of dopamine to do it again the next day.

For others, it’s accolades from a coach, buddy, or social media post/share to keep them feeling motivated to continue.

When considering your reward or celebration, think of something that excites you, that is small and realistic for you to do. An example of the wrong type of reward would be buying and eating a box of donuts after working out at the gym… this kind of defeats the point of your new routine.

Something that I’ve found to be really successful happens in our 21 day challenges. A few times a year I host a free challenge called Elevate Your Life. Essentially it's a healthy habit challenge and a bunch of us do this together for a set 21 days. I send everyone a tracker, and I encourage the group to share their success throughout the challenge and tag me in their posts and stories on Instagram. 

There are many reasons why tracking is helpful, but checking off the box, the reply and excitement I give them when I see and then reshare the post - this is a type of reward. It’s also a type of accountability. So WHAM-BAM there’s like three habit super boosters in one hahaha

If you’re interested in joining the next challenge, click here!

Depending on when you’re listening to this you’ll either be able to join the challenge, or join the waitlist for the next challenge - either way you won’t miss out!

[11:19] The saying goes, “There’s no time like the present.” And I think I've made it clear that I agree with this statement. However… I feel like there’s always a “BUT” 

There is power in specific times, which is why you may notice that doing something new is easier in different seasons, days, or in different places. 

So here are a few “times” to consider when planning out new habits/routines/rituals…

New Moon/Crescent Moon

Remember when I said I liked the WOO!? Well I’m an astrology enthusiast and a great time to start a new habit as it relates to the planets in the sky, is just after the new moon and as the crescent moon appears.

Energetically this time signifies the beginning of a new 28 day cycle, as well as a 6 month and 12 month cycle. Consider this timing for creating goals or themes that you want to continue on for 6-12 months.

The Follicular Phase

For females who track their menstruation cycle, the Follicular Phase is a great time to start new projects, goals, or habits. This is the part of your cycle following your menstrual or bleeding phase. In the follicular phase, your hormones are starting to rise, along with your energy and your excitement to start new projects, strategize and set up your calendar, and create new routines.

The energy of the follicular phase is very similar to the season of spring.

Spring is another great time to begin new routines and habits. It’s a lively time of “freshness” and “newness''. A lot of people start to get outside more and have energy to meet up with friends, clear out closets, clean the house, and so on.

Another excellent time to create new habits is when you’re in a Different Environment.

Such as while on vacation/in a new place than your usual home or work setting. Because you are somewhere different, your body and brain cannot fall into the regular patterns that you are in auto-pilot in while at home in a familiar place. You have to get out of bed differently, the bathroom is set up differently, the agenda for the day is completely different than it is when you’re at home or at work. Take advantage of it by starting a new habit!

There you have it! The best time to start new habits, as well as some other options for getting into action.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E175: How to Press Publish on Your Writing Online with Julia Rose

Julia Rose is the founder of Hello, Writer and a Writing Coach. She helps women press PUBLISH on personal essays so they can leave their mark on the world. If you've ever wondered..."am I a writer?" You are. Non-writers never ask themselves, “am I a writer?”

In Hello, Writer, you publish your ideas after sitting on them for years. You are scared and press publish anyways.If you’re here wondering if you’re a writer….that tells me you are.

Hello, Writer helps you actually feel like one…

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[01:06] Valerie LaVigne: Julia! Welcome to the women's apparel podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like you are one of our more unique guests because you have a very different offering than some of the other guests that we've had on the show. so I'd love to dive in to you, and you explain a little bit more about what you do and to help.

Julia Rose: Cool Hi, thank you for having me. My name is Julia rose. And I'll tell you a little story. So I have always been writing. But there came a point in my career where I was always writing for other people, executive directors, politicians, bosses, and most of these people were men. No surprise there. And then in 2018, I got what I thought was my dream job at a tech company in downtown Toronto. And for reasons I still to this day, do not understand five weeks into that job I was abruptly terminated and sent away and it was winter.

And I was lost in life and just really feeling confused. And so that February I decided to press publish on my own writing on a platform called medium. And that is the reason that I'm here today because I continue to press publish over and over on my writing. And now I've published over 70 pieces on medium about life love writing relationships. and that all culminated in me creating a course called Hello writer so I can help women do the exact same thing.

VL: That's so incredible. I mean, how empowering was that moment when you press published for the first time?

JR: Yeah, it was awesome. It was really great because I think the when you're a smart, talented, educated woman and you spend your time working hard to communicate for other people, there's a little bit of tension because on the one hand, if those are your opinions, it's not your name underneath it. And on the flip side, if it's not your opinion, you're still writing you're still writing. So you're caught between this weird place where either you agree, but you get no recognition for it, or you disagree and you feel this internal conflict. So claiming your own name as a writer and not waiting for someone to pay you or ask to join Globe and Mail, which was always a dream of mine. It is empowering.

VL: And it's so great that you are helping people do this too. I mean, I know for myself starting this podcast was something that helped me discover my own voice so I can relate to that feeling of empowerment in a little bit of a different way. It's not necessarily writing; however, I know that a lot of people listening to the show would definitely be interested in learning how to write their opinions or write their voice out. So can you take us through a little bit about how the process goes or what this would look like from someone who wants to express themselves through writing?

[04:29] JR: Yes, so I think the number one place to start is to consider that your thoughts and opinions are valid.

And that is a long, confusing place to start because there's a lot wrapped up in our worst. And especially I work with women or people who identify as women, we've basically been conditioned to not have faith in our thoughts and opinions and that's not our fault. That just is the way the world has been. So I if people are wanting to become writers or express themselves through reading, you have to start with believing that what you have to say is valuable. And I like to consider that just like we're in a relationship with other people. We're in a relationship with our thoughts. And in a positive thought, self relationship, we might think something and to take it further to write about it. We have to think, Oh, that's interesting. I wonder about that. So if you have a thought, let's say cafes are where creativity is found. Let's take that thought. If I wanted to expand on that writing idea, I would have to explore it with curiosity. Okay, so why do I think that? how does that show up for me? What more could I ask about that? etc, etc. So you explore things instead of immediately shutting them down.

VL: I love that you're using questions to explore things. I love questions. I love investigating these different sides of us. And you make a really great point of starting with feeling that validation or knowing that our thoughts and our opinions and and our feelings are valid. I see this very often in my own practices. What are some other maybe mental or, or other blocks that might come up with people when they start writing or when they start getting the idea of wanting to write?

[06:40] JR: Yeah, it's hilarious the spectrum of fear and how it shows up. So on the one hand, we believe no one cares what I have to say. Absolutely not a single person. So why would I bother is kind of where that thought exists. And then on the other side, we think, oh my god, everyone's going to read what I have to say and they're gonna tell me that this shit.

So these things are not the same, but in our brains and I think what I can reassure people with is that every writer I have worked with over the past two years, has expressed both of those things at the same time. So, I mean, that, in one sense, is very reassuring, because we can hold these two things that don't make any sense and still we can decide to push through and press publish anyways. But that's where people get stuck. They get stuck in being on the scene. and seen at the same time. And so the nature of my course Hello writer is to do that in a group so that you can see that other people are also having those same struggles. and you can kind of separate that it's really not a huge issue. it's just fear.

VL: And that's so common i I know exactly what you mean, when you say that you feel seen and unseen and those and the fears that are coming up are those things because I feel like I'm being taken right back to when I first published on my podcast, and it was me thinking, what am I? What if no one listens to this podcast? Or what's the point of it? And then it works. Oh, my gosh, would have ever listened to my podcasts and sees how silly I am. But something that really helped me was that I actually started with I'm going to translate it into like this video version because basically I did Instagram lives for five weeks in a row and I made those I took the audio and I extracted that and I made those into my first five podcasts episode so it was almost like I did it in this way where maybe it's like free writing or more of that creative. Like, who cares what happens? I'm just gonna do it. And when I did these five episodes, I really felt like okay, people know that this is why they know that I'm you they see that I'm a little bit nervous. and that's okay. and it really was about building this momentum to bring us to this is going to be 175!

So, you're going from maybe and then again, trying to move this into more writing because well, I'll get to this in a minute, but moving from the podcast to writing, even if we just did five short pieces or five entries, or whatever that was. We only get better with practice. and I feel like everyone has a story to share or a story to tell. Then some of us are going to be a little bit stronger with that writing. So a couple questions come to mind. How can we know that we are writers?

JR: Thank you so much for this question.

I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. and the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer, you are.

I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. And the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer you are Because I'm sorry, but people that are not interested in something don't ask themselves the question. I wonder if I'm a writer. I wonder if like we could it's an odd comparison but I think we can compare it to sexual expression and identity in that if we start to wonder about something it's a pretty good sign that we're interested in it, right, so with writing it.

[10:50] VL: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring.

JR: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring at that point. Yeah, absolutely. And I think how we identify is a big sticking point for people. So I'm also a dancer and I've been trained as a dancer since I was four and I can really relate to the idea of when I take a break from dance for a year. at one point in my life. I didn't dance for two years straight. Am I still a dancer?

Where does that identity Do I Do I have the right to call myself and I know that for a lot of mentors, which is like there's no I don't have the right to identify as a writer because I'm not out there doing anything. Okay, well, I wouldn't I invite you to take a step towards that. And I think that's what a lot of women use my course to do is to really get out of their own way and take the step towards that because the transformation I can share is that people come into the course thinking there's no way I would ever call myself that and they leave the course putting writer in their Instagram bio and launching, various things that they confidently say as one of their pieces of their life is that they're a writer.

VL: That's really cool. So, when people are ready to take your course or as you are taking your course what are some things that what are some channels or mediums that people are publishing on Is it their own blogs is other people's blogs, are they writing books, is this something that would also fit into the category category of writing a book.

JR: So I'm shifting things a little bit this year, but in previous cohorts, the publishing platform of choice has been media. So I love media. That's where all of my work has been published because it's completely open source. It's anyone can make a profile and you can hit Publish today, with no money out of your pocket. It also has 60 million monthly readers. So the thing with a blog and when you start to get into the writing world you want the first question is Where am I going to put it? And that gets people super stuck because then there's all these layers of perfectionism. Well, what's my brain? What would my URL be? What were my colors, what is my statement, etc, etc. And medium removes all of that nonsense because it is already designed. It already has a font and it's just your name.medium.com So that's why I love it. 

But specifically to answer your question about what kind of writing it is, what kind of writing is it? I like to call it personal essay writing? And that means that it's about you. It is your opinion, your life experience, your thoughts, as opposed to content writing, which is more about selling your product or service or positioning it. Most people in the course aspire to publish a book one day and that's also a part I find really interesting because I don't know if you relate but Writing a book is a goal for a lot of us. 

And yet, we're not taking any baby steps towards using our voice. We just think that one day, we're going to have two years in the south of France with a butler serving us food or we're going to go on this romantic Italy writing retreat and the books just gonna pour out of us. And then we're gonna pitch it to a publisher and we're going to be signing books like Taylor Swift's all too well music video.

Like no, it's not it. We have to take some steps towards using our voice in like small risk free scenarios if we're ever going to be signing books in a Barnes and Noble.

[14:55] VL: This is so amazing. I literally just went right to the south of France and that's where I want it but it's not it's not happening today. I'm not writing today. Yeah, maybe tomorrow or maybe we're gonna manage to make it happen. I might create the butler and a writing retreat. I was just gonna say I hear a retreat in my ears right now.

Okay, I love this and I'm so glad that we're having a conversation because selfishly This is also for me. I have often thought about writing and writing a book and I obviously do a lot of content writing. However, I sometimes feel that the podcast is a little bit more about my opinion, or it's a space where other women can come and speak their own opinions and tell their own stories. So you know, part of me is getting very excited. I'm also a little bit nervous that I'm saying this out loud.

Yeah, I really would love to write a book someday. Also, I've had astrologers and psychic mediums and different types of people in that spiritual round say to me, that I'm going to write a book or that I need to be writing a book and quite frankly, why Yeah, I would love to do that. But I'm going to be honest with you, I have no idea where to start. And now that we're having this conversation, I feel like okay, this is definitely you're making some very valid points and you're definitely calling me for help because, no, I'm not practicing my writing at all. So, of course you have your course. Let's say we're still in this little bit of a limbo space. I think I want to be doing this, but I don't know if I want to connect to something in a group right now. What is this in between phases? What can I be doing this time, or is that, if that question doesn't sit well, how do I know that this is the right course for me?

JR: Yeah, to answer the first question I was gonna say, I don't think it will be possible to get out of your way without being in a community.

Because I think if you wanted to, if you had the skills and you had the perfect mindset that is necessary to just start, you probably would do that.

Let's take me for an example. I didn't take a course to start publishing my thoughts and opinions. I don't know why. I didn't need someone pushing me kicking me in the butt or holding my hand to do it. I just had the drive. And that doesn't mean I'm better than anyone. That's just my situation. and that's why I do this job is because there's something unique and special about what I have created in my head that inspires me to continually press publish, even when it's really terrifying to do so and it definitely is still for me scary to publish.

So, how do you know that the Hello, Writer course experience is right for you, you would have to be willing to actually do the work. You would have to be ready. So it comes at a time where you're so tired of your show.

And you're so tired of not doing the writing because this isn't a talking about writing course. So let's imagine that even someone who maybe studied communications. I have a couple people that are professional writers that have taken the course they're journalists, but they don't write for themselves. and it's a very different thing when you start to internalize the writing because someone else isn't giving you an assignment. And in the course I make a very specific, very specific point not to arbitrate whether someone's work is ready to go.

So we have a cut. we have one touch point at the beginning of the course where I look at people's work and give them some feedback. and after that i i remove myself and that's weird for people because we grew up in a society where everyone is grading your work, everyone is scrutinizing your work. You might even have a teacher who hurt your feelings about your writing. A lot of people that have taken the course have these horror stories that a teacher told them to their face. You're not a good writer.

And we have to come in and say I'm sorry, that's one person's opinion. You want to be here so let's be here. This is getting long winded. But how do people know that they're ready for the course you are ready to actually get out of your way and take some steps to doing the thing of pressing publish writing, building it into your life and not just thinking of a one day pipe dream.

[19:54] VL: Sounds like it really goes beyond just writing and I don't mean to disrespect it by saying just writing but it goes beyond the action of writing. And it goes into this incredible opportunity for as we talked about empowerment, but there's personal development and this building of self trust and confidence. I feel like anyone would really benefit from that whether they're an aspiring author of their own book, or whether they just want to move through their thoughts like I I, I want to say thinking of this makes me feel like going through these things would help me with all of the ideas that I have in my head or all the thoughts that are going on and all of the things that I want to say but don't always know how to put them into words and having this community and the support would be so powerful in that transformation that you're talking about. So this is really, really cool.

It also has me curious, Can you share, obviously what without giving too much away but can you share, like, what kind of topics people are writing about a little bit more specifically just what people have an idea about what they have also could be sharing and they're writing or speaking to underwriting?

JR: Yes, yes. So the course is set up to facilitate people pressing publish. That's why I created it. I probably could call it the course press publish at some point. That's like pressing publish is always in big bold letters in my head. So we have a session on Fridays called fired up Friday. The intention is that you come up with a potential topic idea that you want to write about for that week. And you get fired up about it. So what happens often is people will come with something they think they should write about. And we can all tell that they're not excited about it. That's why it's called fired up Friday and we can look at them and say, I don't really think you're excited about this idea. Is there some reason that you're bringing this topic when you're not feeling excited about it like what is actually here for you? So we help people throw out what is absolutely not firing them up. and find the topic ideas. So what people have published is everything and anything but what comes to my mind is a piece that got someone a lot of recognition and was really terrifying for them to publish. spoke about their invisible disabilities.

I wish I could remember the title of the top of my head but they shared it on Instagram and the Alberta like a nonprofit that represents people with disabilities in Alberta reached out to them and they went on a podcast and now they have launched a whole movement around this idea that disability is not a binary because this person who wrote this piece exists sort of in this gray area of disability they can sometimes come across as able bodied, sometimes not. So these are the kinds of pieces that people work towards. They don't come right out of the gate saying like, this is me, this is the most scary thing I could ever publish. They usually do it halfway through the course. Other things people have written about are there's someone who's quite passionate about environmentalism so they write about sustainable development goals. But people also write about being divorced in their 20s and what that looks like with their friendship group. They write about what they learn when they ask their daughter. What does being kind mean to you. I personally write about relationships. A lot and as a breakup column.

It's everything and anything which is really beautiful about it because again, the idea of the fired up. It changes every day. So we really teach and talk about how to trust what's present for you now, so you don't have to waste time writing about things you think you should write about or would make you look impressive, just because.

[24:19] VL: WOW. This is so cool. I can imagine that. This would be not only transformational and powerful, but maybe a little bit emotional for a lot of people in the group. I mean, I'm feeling some waves come up, just listening to the stories. And this as I'm learning more about myself every day and this type of feeling that I'm having from listening to you, really I feel like I'm leaning in closer to this computer and this microphone, right. And I also feel like I want to lean into more of what that is. And so I wanted to point that out because sometimes I find this too when I'm listening to podcasts and maybe the listener feels this way too. They're like, you know, turning up the volume a little bit more or kind of tapping back to like, Wait a second. What did they just say again, I want to it's this experience that is happening. And as you're talking about this, I really feel your excitement and your passion for helping people do this and even in your story. As kind of briefly and amazingly, however you summed that up, it also has that kind of emotional, transformative feeling to it too. and like I can feel that empowerment from you when you talk about your own publishing, and then how people are getting published for themselves to you and you're helping people at that. I mean this is huge. I just really need to acknowledge it.

JR: Thank you. Yeah, like it really changes people's lives and it's strange, it sounds I always feel a little bit strange to say that in eight weeks, I'll change your life. because I don't want to be some sort of weird tech tech bro guru guy that's like, take my course it'll change your life.

But what I see from people is it's really beautiful, and I love my job. So thank you and I'm glad that it's translating because because it's great and it's really fun for me to help people tap into who they are. And it's funny for you to say that it's very emotional because someone who's taken the course has called fired at Friday free therapy and I'm not a therapist, but I have a lot of experience with the therapy process. So it's an honor that people come to that session and share how they're feeling people cry. People, people get really fired up because we're passionate about changing things and I think people that are drawn to writing are passionate about more importantly leaving their mark on the world. We're here forever. And writing has a way of, of living on after we are gone.

[27:24] VL: So beautifully said and somebody said that. And I do have a question too. So every week, are you writing something new? Or is it taking you eight weeks to write the one essay? I'm assuming it's different for everybody?

JR: Yeah, that's a great question. So the entire purpose of setting up the course, for me initially, was that we press publish every week, except for week one because we come in and we have to kind of acclimatize to this experience.

So people have in a week's published seven pieces. It's super aggressive. And I recognize that so I'm going to, I'm going to step it back a little bit in this next cohort, and I'm going to ask that people publish five pieces. And the reason for that shift is because people are diving into bigger and more powerful topics than ever before. And I think giving people two weekends to sit and work on something like that will benefit them, but it is We set up a Hallo writer calendar and every Wednesday before you come to class, there's a little notification that says press Publish, and then you come to class, so the invitation is there if you want to go for seven. Be my guest.

VL: Amazing. I love that this is so deeply rooted in taking action. And I know that we talked about this before for the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I really, I really feel that magic happens when we are in action. So to be able to, you know, it's scary, but it's also very exciting to hit publish and to be able to to facilitate this and to support people through this with a community on top of your expertise and your compassion is just amazing. So again, super happy for that. Speaking of action, is there anything I know we've talked about that the listener can take action on today to get started with their writings?

JR: Yes. Over the break over the last holiday break, I thought long and hard about this and there's lots of free PDF downloads in the world that you can look at and kind of throw in your trash bin afterwards. But I wanted to make something free that actually brings people through the components of the Hello writer program without them having to join the course because it is an investment of time and money. So I have a free challenge that anyone listening can join, it's Hello writer.ca forward slash challenge. I basically took the word WRITE. And it's five days. Five letters in the word WRITE. 

Write a five day challenge. So every day we break down what the acronym of WRITE is. And it's why not you? Inside ideas, template and execution. So inside the five day challenge is exercises that relate to each of those concepts. And I think if you commit to 20 minutes a day, going through those things for the five day challenge, just putting that writing habit in your brain is going to help you get started.

Instagram + Twitter | @juliarosewrites

Medium | https://juliarosewrites.medium.com 

VL: That is incredible. And again, I will link to those in the show notes page. And I really want to encourage the listeners to hop into this five day challenge. I know that I'm going to be signing up for this because it sounds awesome. And we have one more section of the women's apartment podcast However, before we dive into the rapid fire round, I wanted to ask you, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really feel called to share?

JR: I would love to encourage you listening that there is so much possibility on the other side of pressing publish and that just getting through the first 12345 pieces under your name is not the end goal, it's actually just the means to the end which is whatever you want to do with your opinions and your life.

Maybe you want to be featured on podcasts. maybe you want to pitch your work to magazines and publications. Maybe you want to get a different job. maybe you want to start your own business, whatever it is that you want to do, you can't do that if you don't believe in your own ideas and opinions. So just get started and you will have all these new things that you can't imagine.

Rapid Fire Round

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

I just picked up Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

I think it means to me doing things without knowing for certain what they will look like or deliver and doing them anyways.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Wow. My longest standing habit. Probably going back into dance classes, just going to drop in dance classes for ever in my life as an adult, taking a break from that but still going back, I went to a dance class last night, or just signing up for class, and going, love that too.

4. What are you currently working toward?

I'm working towards my own apartment. I'm working towards a space that is entirely mine that I can use as I want to create a community for art, it's really important to me, and I want to be able to have a space that's really supportive, that I can post people in.

VL: I love that too. Julia, thank you so much for this conversation. I feel so moved by what you shared and your passion and how fired up you are about your work and about people you help. So I want to acknowledge your course I want to acknowledge you I want to acknowledge your story of taking the lead and doing a thing and pressing publish and how important you and stories like the one that you shared today are for people to hear and for people to kind of connect with you on because you are making huge changes in the world and you are supporting people in really powerful ways. So thank you so much. 

______

Well, if you couldn't already tell by that conversation I was thrilled to be speaking with Julia. And I actually hadn't met Julia before this interview, at least not officially. So what I thought was really cool was I was really easily and really quickly noticing my excitement and my curiosity for her program. So I joined Hello, Writer. So at the time of this recording, hello writer was being launched. However, it is now closed for enrollment and if you are someone who already follows Julia and her journey you'll know that we're not sure when Hello writer will come back around so well. However, I would still love for you to reach out to Julia let her know what you thought about the episode. If you feel called to be a writer or if you're interested in her Hello writer program.

You know, read some of her Medium posts, connect with her and follow her online and start the conversation because that's really how her and I got connected and that's really how I sort of understood the yes in my own body that yes, this is something that I want to do. Yes, for me. This is a step in the direction of a bigger goal. So this is that small step forward.

I'm really enjoying the group so far. We're about halfway through our course together and I've published I think four pieces already. I should check them out. But I'm going to link to everything that you need. In the show notes page. Remember at top Valerie living life.com forward slash Julia. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did love it, please screenshot the episode and take Julia and I on Instagram and let us know what you thought. Or if you're writing if you're inspired to write in your writing pieces and publish them on medium. Let us know also so that we can clap for your piece and highlight some of the points that really stuck out to us. And yeah, I'm just I had to come on here after to say how inspired this conversation was and also how inspiring Julia is. And I'm really glad that I joined Hello writer and there's no affiliate link or anything to this program. I'm just really loving it.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E174: BOOK REPORT: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

NEW! Book Reports: I'm getting back into the habit of reading again and I LOVE sharing some of the great takeaways and learnings with you.

This is a new segment for the show, so I would really appreciate your feedback or book suggestions!

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Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[01:27] The Four Tendencies

The indispensable personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better (and other people’s lives better, too)

Get the Book Here!

Benefits of knowing your tendency:

• Use time more productively

• Make better decisions

• Suffer less stress

• Get healthier

• Engage more effectively with other people

Benefits of knowing other ppls tendencies:

• More tolerant 

• Makes it easier to persuade + encourage them + avoid conflict

• Communication: It’s like speaking their language 

Intro of the four tendencies 

Take the Quiz

[04:20] Upholder

Meets outer expectations

Meets inner expectations 

Strengths:

• Self starter 

• Self motivated

• Conscientious 

• Reliable

• Thorough

• Stocked to a schedule

• Want to understand and meet expectations 

Possible weaknesses:

• Defensive

• Rigid

• Often struggle when plans or schedule changes 

• Can seem humourless and uptight

• Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined 

• Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision, or discussion 

• Demanding 

• May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist 

[07:45] Questioner

Resists outer expectations

Meets inner expectations

Strengths:

• Data-driven

• Fair-minded (according to their own judgement)

• Interested in creating systems that are efficient and effective 

• Willing to play devil's advocate

• Comfortable bucking the system if it’s warranted 

• Inner-directed

• Unwilling to accept authority without justification 

Possible weaknesses:

• Can suffer analysis paralysis 

• Impatient with what he or she sees as others complacency

• Crackpot potential

• Unable to accept closure on matters that others consider settled if questions remain unanswered

• May refuse to observe expectations that others find fair (eg traffic regulations) 

• May resist answering others questions 

[09:36] Obliger

Meets outer expectations

Resists inner expectations

Strengths:

• Good boss, responsive leader, team player

• Feels great obligation to meet others’ expectations

• Responsible

• Willing to go the extra mile

• Responds to outer accountability

Possible weaknesses:

• Susceptible to overwork and burnout

• May show the destructive pattern of obliger-rebellion

• Exploitable

• May become resentful

• Has trouble saying no or imposing limits

[11:06] Rebel

Resists outer expectations

Resists inner expectations

Strengths:

• Independent-minded

• Able to think outside the box

• Unswayed by conventional wisdom

• Willing to go his or her own way, to buck social conventions

• In touch with his or her authentic desires

• Spontaneous 

Possible weaknesses:

• Likely to resist when asked or told to do something

• Uncooperative

• Inconsiderate

• Has trouble accomplishing tasks that need to be done consistently, the same way, every time

• Acts as though ordinary rules don’t apply

• Restless; may find it difficult to settle down in a job, relationship, city

• Struggles with routines and planning

• May be indifferent to reputation

Applying the Tendencies to My Coaching Business

[14:40] When clients are struggling sticking to their healthy habits, I ask them to take the free quiz and let me know what the results are. The answer is almost always that they are a rebel. JUST KNOWING this about themselves usually takes the pressure off because it’s their natural tendency. I noticed this a lot in our 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge because some people had trouble being consistent where a lot of other people in the group were sticking to their habits.

As a questioner, I feel good about working with rebels, where some coaches may feel frustrated. I will usually pose my suggestions as questions so that the response or the idea or the DECISION is theirs. So I might say: 

“Have you considered trying X?” 

“ What would you think about Y?”

“Some people have found Z works for them.”

“Some ideas for you to consider are X, Y, Z”

And I usually finish with “if you want.” 

My goal is always to provide them with the information, consequences, and then the choice. It will always be their choice, and truth be told I gave up trying to change people a long time ago. I always feel this way, but I notice it more when I’m working with rebels, here’s what I’ve learned from being an investigator and a questioner. I’ve done the research and this is the data take it or leave it. But not everyone I work with is a Rebel. Wouldn’t that be entertaining.

The opposite of the Rebel is the Upholder. And I’ll be honest, Upholders are super easy to work with because they readily meet outer expectations. One of the things I notice most is that they have trouble shifting or changing big routines or very set routines quickly. So oftentimes we build out new habits, and swap bad habits with new habits slowly, one by one. It’s also important that they receive accolades of how great of a job they’re doing so this is something that I make an effort to highlight more.

The biggest struggles with Upholders may surprise you. It might be challenging for them to be “dealing with” the people around them not getting on board with their new changes, so this is where when we’re in a coaching session we come back to what’s important, and how we can find patience with others and communicate WHY this is important to them. Because not all Upholders live together ahahaha so I help them with these different dynamics.

Obviously I’m biassed to Questioners because I myself am a Questioner. Now in the book, Rubin says that Questioners don’t like to be questioned, which is sometimes true… I also appreciate the inquisition because to me that means the Questioner is curious and does want to go deeper. When a Questioner isn’t asking questions it usually means they’ve already made the decision.

With Questioners we put high value on research and intentions and information. Throwing out any rules around timing and focusing on what matters most to them. Knowing that Questioners don’t like to be questioned I stick to only a few key questions in a session, and usually do a lot of mirroring back to them and reminding them of what they’ve already decided or deemed important. Sometimes the Questioner needs confirmation or extra data to support their ideas and that helps them get into action. Especially since Questioners can experience “analysis paralysis.” Which means decision making usually takes place in the coaching sessions and I always give my clients a next step or action plan before getting off a call.

Lastly, the Obliger client. Obligers are actually the most common of all the tendencies. Since they readily meet outer expectations, in general they will take my advice and put a high value on meeting the commitments I’ve suggested in our coaching and working together. Knowing this about my client, I will highlight deadlines to help them keep them accountable. With the accountability, my 1:1 clients and I meet weekly, and the membership clients meet every other week as a group. 

With the membership group, each month we assign accountability partners. This gives them community and accountability with a new person every month. What’s really important for me to understand as a coach, when it comes to Obligers is that they may be putting someone else’s expectations before our coaching or there may be someone who could be exploiting them and this will cause frustration, burnout, and feelings of resent, which can also lead to Obligers becoming more rebellion. So not only will the check-in points/calls be for following up on tasks and how the habit building is going, but it will also be for checking in to see how they’re feeling and balancing any pressures that feel too big or overwhelming.

Although I did have my suspicions about how relevant this book would be – which Rubin calls us Questioners out for this – I do find the book to be very helpful in understanding myself, my clients, and also others around me in my business who haven’t hired me for health coaching. 

I recommend reading this book for anyone who loves any type of personality quiz or test, or personal development. It’s always interesting to learn more about yourself and even if you don’t use this in your business, you will learn something new about you or the people around you.

In business this is also extremely helpful if you are part of a team or work with other humans. I feel so much more patient with my team members and clients knowing these tendencies. 

I am dying to know what your tendency is! Take a screenshot of this episode and share your tendency with me on instagram @vallavignelife – or let me know if you’ve read this book already, and how you’re applying or using it in your life!

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

If you’ve ever felt rebellious against structure, or rolled your eyes when someone tried to tell you about discipline, then this podcast episode is for you.

It’s also for you if you desire freedom. If you have an idea of an abundant future and you are ready to step into your power and embody that best version of yourself.

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Age of Aquarius

[00:48] For those of you who don’t already know this about me, I am an astrology enthusiast. My grandmother got me into it and would read me my horoscope in the paper everyday. I grew up discovering more resources for astrology and learned all about my natal chart and the different planets and signs within this chart. I even sprinkled some astrology into this podcast, like two weeks ago, and the episode about the new moon.

Episode 170: New Moon Rituals

Okay so what does this have to do with this episode? Well my friends, I am an Aquarius Sun, and Aquarius is not afraid to break rules. Aquarius is the rebel of the zodiac signs and they are driven by freedom. They are unpredictable, do things in their own way, and strive for improving systems and communities. 

Growing up, I felt very aligned with this. I embraced my rebellious nature - perhaps a little too much at times. But I fought against pre-built systems and structure and rules all. the. time.

It wasn’t until my early twenties when I heard someone say, “discipline equals freedom.” I think my eyes rolled so far back into my head I wasn’t sure if they’d be stuck there.

After hearing that phrase I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and so I wondered if discipline could bring me to where I desired. Because how it was going at the time… well that wasn’t really working out for me. Back then I was flying at the seat of my pants every day. Some days were wild and wonderful and fun. But most days left me feeling lost and confused and not anywhere near “freedom.” 

So I decided I was going to test the discipline equals freedom theory and like any Aquarius, I was going to do it in my own way. It was around the same time I was really diving into personal development and reading all these great books on habits, mindfulness, marketing, confidence, and so much more. 

I created a daily routine that included making my bed, eating a healthy breakfast, movement exercises (sometimes weights at the gym, sometimes hot yoga), journaling, and setting up my three to five small goals for the day.

This morning routine was vague enough for flexibility and freedom within the schedule, and specific enough to help me achieve goals in my health, wealth, and happiness. I could eat whatever I wanted for breakfast but it had to be healthy by my standards. Movement became more specific as I learned more about what my body wanted and craved. The journaling was about 3 minutes, maybe 5, I would answer a question every morning that I pulled from a list of “questions for self discovery” or something like that. And my three to five goals for the day helped me be more intentional in my day and focus on three to five tasks of whatever I wanted/felt like.

This was YEARS ago, so I’m not sure exactly how long it took to implement, but I can tell you that I still do some of these things every morning without fail! Of course the routine has evolved a bit, as my life and schedule have changed too, but I am a lot more intentional and a lot of people are surprised by my multi-coloured and full calendar. Whenever I get asked, “how do you have time to do all these different things?” My answer is, “I make the time.” or “I have clarity on my priorities” or “I set healthy boundaries” 

Discipline is the Act of Building Trust with Ourselves

[06:30] Although in the past I have been resistant to schedule and discipline, I understand now how powerful discipline is, and how beautiful boundaries are. 

To me, discipline is the act of building trust with ourselves. It’s not about following arbitrary rules or punishment for disobeying someone. It’s about making a promise to yourself and keeping that promise. It’s about doing what you said you were going to do. It’s about self worth. 

We are worthy of freedom. We are worthy of our desires. We are worthy of achieving our goals. But we aren’t going to get there without a plan of action. And most times that action requires setting boundaries.

Take Action: The Audit

If you are someone who wants to build in boundaries, but isn’t sure where to start… or you want more time in your week to doing things that bring you joy, here is your next step: Get out a notebook and a pen, or track on your phone notes, what you do every single day and how much time it takes you for three to seven days. Everything. 

I know, I know… you want more time and this exercise sounds like it’s going to take up all of your time, but I’m telling you it is going to change your life!

From when you wake up, to when you go to bed you are going to audit your time for a minimum of three days, and a maximum of seven. (TIP: If you do three, you can choose three different days, and if you do seven, try doing seven consecutive days).

This audit will reveal the blatant truth about where you’re really spending your time and energy. If you want a quick preview, turn on screen time and look at how much time you’re spending on your devices/apps. I’m embarrassed to say I spend more than five/six hours a day on a screen.

Build in Beautiful Boundaries

[08:54] Once you’ve collected the data you can build in your boundaries with screen time and any other time spent wasted or inefficient and use that time for anything that brings you joy! 

Here are some of my time/schedule boundaries:

• I have 1-2 days off every week. Right now this is only one day, and my goal is to get three days off, but I’m in a very busy season with lots of transitioning.

• My phone goes on airplane mode every night about 30 minutes before I go to bed, usually when I begin my evening routine. It stays on airplane mode until I get out of bed in the morning and go downstairs and start my day.

• I create my schedule for the month with my hormonal cycle and seasons in mind. The only week to book for podcast interviews is my “summer” season, I keep my “winter” open for lots of white space and creativity time, my “spring” is for strategy and new ideas, and my “fall” is for focusing on details and tying up loose ends.

• My day is time blocked and if it’s not on the schedule, it’s not getting done. I time block usually a week in advance with my workouts, healthy habits, and then work tasks go in. If I feel overwhelmed by my schedule I block off more time for self care and me time. This is even more important for busy weeks.

I’ve heard some people schedule calls every weekday but only during certain times, and other entrepreneurs only schedule calls one week every month.

My coach doesn’t work on Fridays. She has that day with her daughter and they go on adventures together. 

The day to day or weekly boundaries are important because they offer consistency, but take it from a busy business owner, sometimes we need to create rules for ourselves to maintain healthy relationships with others and with our own businesses.

Entrepreneur Examples

[11:17] An entrepreneur I follow has a rule that he only travels overnight for work once a month for only one-two nights at a time. He doesn’t want to be away from his wife and kids for too long. If he is invited to multiple events in a month, he tries to bring his family with him. If he can’t bring his family, and he’s already committed to an event that month, he declines. 

Another rule for a business owner I follow is his rule of traveling with colleagues or employees. He will not travel alone with a female unless it’s his wife or one of his daughters. If he goes on a trip with a female colleague or employee, he will invite another male on the trip. His reasoning is because he’s seen the negative impacts of men in the industry traveling alone with women, and even if he trusts himself and his colleague, he doesn’t trust the media or the people who may make assumptions.

This year I’m going to take July and August off of my online business. Well I’m going to ease off at least 50%. I’m strategizing now to have batched all my podcast episodes, emails, and membership content.

I will not be recording interviews, I will not be doing coaching calls, and I will be a little more playful on instagram, and posting a lot less. I’ve done this only once before and it was AWESOME, but I guess I didn’t have a plan the following years and… well I wasn’t disciplined enough to make it happen.

Putting it All Together

[13:22] When you’re thinking of your own boundaries and rules, and how to create discipline for your life, I encourage you to first get clear on your priorities. What is important to you in your life? Why is it important? What parts of your business are important to you? Why are they important? What do you want more of? 

Answering these questions, and/or getting clear on your core values will help you better understand what tasks, invitations, and activities are best for you to accept and prioritize. If your goal is financial freedom, then you need to stop trading time for dollars, and start strategizing your systems or passive income methods.

If your core value is family, set those work boundaries and block out that time for family activities or family dinners, or rules like not being away from your family for more than two days at a time.

When you are clear about your core values, your goals, and/or your intentions, these are the things you will prioritize and put first into your calendar. These are the things you say yes to. Anything that doesn’t support this, is going to be a “no thank you.”

If freedom is your core value… what life are you living, building, creating for yourself where you can feel FREE!? Maybe it starts with sprinkles of daily freedom of white space or surprise Saturdays where you don’t book anything at all. And then the other days you’re building that pipeline for financial and time freedom so most days can be full of surprises and adventure. 

Bring those core values into your days by becoming disciplined to them. Build out your boundaries so that there is no excuse to not experience joy or spend time with your family. Prioritize you/your goals/your values as often and consistently as possible. 

Screenshot this episode, share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know what boundaries, priorities, and rules you are implementing into your life and business.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram