E178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding
 
 

E178: Embodiment Practices for Building a Better Business & Life with Robyn Gooding

Based in Western Canada, Robyn brings a proven process and a solid business background to the world of coaching.

A business strategist who helps coaches, creatives and healers build a booked out online business and scale their impact. Her coaching style is optimistic, joyful and focused on play and ease with consistent action. She has been called a “gentle powerhouse” because she gets things done without the fluff while still being connected to our inner knowing using her signature framework "The Profitable Way"…


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[01:05] Valerie LaVigne: Hi, Robyn, I'm so excited that you are on the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm gonna be honest, you were like one of my wish list people to have on the show so I'm very excited that you're here. 


Robyn Gooding: Thank you so much for having me. It's such a joy to be here.


VL: It's really incredible. I'll share a little bit about how we met because I feel like we've crossed paths a few times. and then it wasn't really until you've moved across the country. So we started working together. And so at a networking event in Toronto, Ontario, a very long time ago, I don't know how many years ago, I want to say.


RG: It would have been 2018.


VL: Okay, so four years ago, and I think one of the speakers it was like a very casual event, and you seemed so exotic to me. Because I was like, How did someone who grew up in South Africa, create a magazine and then becomes this like Globetrotter and has this amazing coaching business and I was like, just in awe of you and I thought, wow, this person is so inspiring. I want to know this person. And that same night you came over to my friend and I were sitting there talking together, and you introduce yourself and I was like, Oh, wow, like even though you've accomplished so much, you don't have this like, you know, you know the energy that I'm talking about, right? it's like it's just like a not grounded energy.


And you truly do embody this wonderful, beautiful self that you are, and it's really cool to see in these different ways so fast forward and make my long story short, and you move to the town that I actually lived in, which is just outside of Toronto, invited me over to your home for this beautiful little woman circle that you hosted, which I thought was just like, so lovely, and I had a great time. And actually, the rapid fire round of the show was inspired by some of the questions that you asked at that women's circle so like I'm telling you, you are on my wish list for the podcast for a while.


And then… you moved away! We were connected and then you decided to move to BC. And I don't even know we just got to talk virtually.  Then you we're opening up a kind of group coaching. and I'm sure you'll talk about this moment in the show, but you opened up the door to the hybrid coaching.


I signed up and I was just like, I'm ready. I'm ready for some scaling in my business. I need some up leveling. We're just finishing actually, everything.


So yeah, I think from from where I'm at, I feel like I'm so happy to be so happy to leave these connections and stay together even though, you know so much of the world has changed so much of our whole lives has changed in the last few four years which is crazy to think about.


That was my long winded introduction.


[04:44] RG: Oh my god. thank you. Firstly, oh my gosh, I've just like full body forms right now. I really appreciate you sharing all of that. and it's really funny to hear how other people perceive you because I feel like I can say the exact same things about you. And it's funny how I would never have known that drawn to you as well. But this is the the energy that I talk about all the time or we just find our people and our paths cross. and there's very few things that can interrupt that when it's time to be in that process and moving across the country from being in the scene didn't change that.


VL: Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And yeah, I think it's really cool how we've been able to connect over the past several months actually working with you is really business, which I've been sharing a little bit about on the podcast, but I want to take people a little bit more behind the scenes into some of the work that I don't think entrepreneurs really talk about and I don't think business owners really share is that mindset practice the self connection.


Really get into that connection with self and those feelings of like, how you move across the country and why we were attracted to each other to speak more and to connect that way to build that relationship. Like there's this. It's almost like this invisible energy or this quiet work that people have to do or that entrepreneurs have to do and I know that I've learned a little bit more about this through you but I really have to say it's not something that I've seen anywhere else, or like it's not something that's talked about anywhere else. so can you tell us a little bit more about what embodiment practices are?


[06:41] RG: Yeah, so I'll talk about what I want to give a little context to why this work matters. And why because you're writing it's not something that is prevalent, especially in the business coaching world. And I knew it was essential because I have always been entrepreneurial and always been creative, but for so long in my flight would be really left from like, literally my not even my voice but like my ears, you know, like this, like listen and see and and I would censor myself when I would not necessarily express my true feelings. I'm not sure I was even fully connected with what's mine. Being like a highly sensitive, empathetic person. I was always observing things and then processing them and sitting in but not necessarily connecting them with my own wisdom and my body.


When I started to realize it required me to follow my path, and it looked very different from other people's paths. A lot of people call me crazy people I really love I had this amazing job was the fastest growing franchise in the world. I was working from their head office and I walked away to overseas. Walked away from my place I truly never wanted to be there. 


what you see is what you get. For myself. I'm very creative, most passionate and destroyed a lot of projects. I'm finished a lot of projects. That was my past that was my story. And that's to live in a place where everybody is like a master detail and more about the mechanics of themselves. And like not wanting to make a splash not wanting to make anything about that. This really beautiful experience and that process really connecting with my with my body especially because of the Japanese artist.


And that was my first real introduction to it. From the Japanese perspective. I was taken to these Japanese women and I was mortified because you have to be totally naked. and I found that I wasn't expecting it. but through these rituals and through these experiences, I started to really pay attention to the sensual experience of being and loving and like physically connected with my body and I don't even know what to say, disconnected, but I don't, I can't remember the time.


When you're leading a business and you have to really you have to make hard decisions, you have to take risks and it takes a lot of courage and wisdom and you have to learn how to drown out voice and tune into your truth and listen to your own intuition and trust yourself even when other people don't get it even when the world isn't making sense to see things the way you see. And so that is what initiated my my return to my body. my internal wisdom, my intuition.


The first thing for me was forest bathing, which is basically when you’ve gone into nature and you’re really, really mindful of it so you’re like immersing yourself in the experience; sensual experience with being in nature and you’re really not.


And then you're really it's almost like just being really in and that the thing was I started getting into spontaneous dance not just just really moving to music and being connected with yourself at first alone and that in groups which was really scary at first. You know when you're surrounded by the right community when you're surrounded by people who are speaking naturally. It's really a great space for you.


[11:58] VL: Thank you so much for sharing that. That's amazing. I definitely clenched up when you did forest bathing. I was like I don't know my writing. But I have done the embodiment dancing and yes at first you're like there's no way I'm doing this in a group of people I went to a couple years ago.


This was part of the festival like the dancing and you would look around at people who were doing these dances and I just kept thinking, oh my god to have that encouraged to have that connection to have that like I don't care about what anyone thinks to me like that's such a powerful vibration to have to share. And so I ended up doing it but like it did take me a little time and it took like little voice in my head and I just had to say stop talking get out of there and just go for it. But it's it's just like it is really a practice because it's almost like you have to continue to do it. And you have to continue to build that connection with yourself. So breath work when you said that I feel like that's maybe where I want to take this next because for forest bathing and for ecstatic dance or embodiment dancing in groups like it just seems a little bit like out there. And I mean like if you're a jump right in person, this would be a great a great practice for you. But breathwork I feel is such a wonderful, intimate practice that can that you can do and it's almost like that stepping stone to get into those deeper practices. So can you share a little bit about the breathwork practices that you do?


[13:43] RG: Yeah, totally agree.

I would say the first one I was doing before I really knew what I was doing, which made it easier because I didn't go in with the intention. to be doing breath work is you know, I'm someone that really needs to Okay, like I don't like the feeling of being even like intoxicated. like, I'd like to be sober. I like to be really mindful to take control. And so the first time, I was kind of caught up guard.


Which was like very much like the right word that they use, but you do feel that lightness and you do feel that sensation, and my hands were like clamping and I was having was like a whole body experience. And so I didn't do it for a little bit and then I came back to it.


I realized once like it was guiding me teaching you how to create better safety events you I have like a training session and then I started doing different breathwork practices that were more gentle at first Now I do Holotropic and I'm more comfortable calling myself But there are so many chancel breathwork practices that are just such a beautiful stepping stone to just really be present in your body and live in.


I’ve been in classes where people feel emotions that they just didn’t expect were there. But it’s so therapeutic after you just feel it and it doesn't have to be a daily practice.


Just the access it's giving me It's really all in this online world and brainstorming things from each other, was inspired by what's really influenced my work more than I wanted it to, to really I wanted it to be mine I wanted that distinction. Between what was mine and allied me to foster that trust.


[16:56] VL: I love that music and it's something where it can really just start as outlined breathing at this time because you've said so many things today that really highlight. A lot of people are feeling I have definitely caught myself in that upper body like head ears, eyes, thinking, see listening, and it's all external. Watching what's outside, thinking about what I'm seeing and hearing what's outside. And these embodiment practices, they really get you to turn inward. And you know the ones that you've touched on today they have to do with something innate that we already have our breath. You have to do with nature they have to do with movement, and those are all things that don't mean anything else outside of us to connect to those things. I mean, I mean nature like technically that is outside but but it's part of, you know, the grassroots, so to speak, and really getting to that deepest layer. And it's funny that we're talking about this because they've been feeling like I have so many ideas and I have so much excitement for these ideas and yet I can't seem to articulate any of that. That's how I'm feeling like it should this be a podcast episode or should this be an Instagram post? Well, what can I put this in? And it's becoming this mental loop of I don't know what to do because I'm in like an analysis paralysis, I guess you could say and I know that one, I need to know what I should be doing. 


What I need to be myself and to start grounding and to start tapping into those embodiment practices. So I feel like we've shared quite a quite a thorough introduction into what this is, but maybe we can speak to the people who are listening or like I'm slightly into the Whoo, but it feels a little bit too much. For me. What can we say to that?


RG: I was that person. So I was you. And I would say that I've always had a really strong intuition, like from a child. I've just always known intuitively and I've learned to listen to that. I was lucky to grow up in a family that didn't make that wrong. But I think what we have to understand is that we live in a society and a system that has conditioned us to dial down our feminine wisdom. It's it's taught us to be more observant. Off the system because then we're absorbing the system versus operating from our own truth and our own essence, and we're harder to control. We're harder to brainwash, we're harder to squeeze into the mocks that the powers that be and honestly it isn't always easier.


It really does require methods to your trip it does. And the more that you do it harder it is to literally sounds like yours And that is a courageous path. So I understand I'm comfortable.


But I will say you know it didn't happen overnight. You don't have to zero to hero in the blink of an eye. But if you're sure as expressed curiosity, take your next best step Follow the breadcrumbs. Everyone's ready to gain access for wisdom like what I do not need you.


You’re here. You are literally a miracle. And it is a disservice to yourself. So many people literally don't even know what they think or how they feel about things because they learn to just trust people outside of themselves. More than I think it's a dangerous place for all of us.


[21:39] VL: Yeah, I agree. That's and it's sometimes happy to hear too but there's definitely been some instances I'm sure. listening even found myself thinking like, when did I trust my gut in the past? And where did that bring me? And it's like, it brought me to magic. It brought me to where I am today which is part of my dream, which connected me with you which connected me with other people in my life. I've had on the show or become mentors for me and coaches.


When I don't trust those things, and I follow someone else's path or someone else's idea, I'm living someone else's life. And that's not the life that I want to live and even sometimes we think like, oh, this is a big goal for me, because I heard some students.


And sometimes we get to that point, and we're like, oh, wait a second. That actually isn't something that I ever wanted. Or this wasn't what I thought But if we don't have that connection to who we are, and to connect to that embodied self, then how will we ever know what it is? and how we want to feel and how we want to live and how we want to show up. So this is definitely something that I think a lot of business owners or people in general could really take from today.


So, for the people wanting to do this, and to get an alignment with themselves, and to create that connection.


What would you say would be like the best way to start today if they turn off the podcast right now, I think just wanted to connect to themselves what's the one thing that that can do?


[23:28] RG: The easiest thing in the world. It’s just literally observe what’s happening for you, observe, where you’re wanting to distract.


Just observe and don't make it right or wrong. It just sit in that silence structured in yourself to be an observer and observe. And then if that's really uncomfortable to find. So I think it can be really helpful to have a guide to have somebody who can teach you. If people are searching, and there are sliding-scale and opportunities.


We can do a guided breathwork class that can be a really great introduction. And then on our phones on access to guided meditation, sitting in silence, Okay, and just a little bit to do a five minute gratitude guided meditation.


Gratitude is all of this not feeling happy because when we can tap into gratitude, I mean, I can talk about science to support this conversation. But there's a lot of science to support. And so if you can just bring your awareness of gratitude and just send feelings of gratitude and you're gonna start seeing patterns that's going to sort of incentivize you a little bit more, especially going down this path. And I think you said something really powerful about helping.


This is why I mean, as a coach, you see, everyone's all the things and we have so many people marrying the wrong people having children when they didn't want to and like really big things that people probably want to like for social circle, development to culture. And there was and in our circle, we're seeing more and more people just feeling like they're acting in their own lives. Living a life that feels deeply meaningful and fulfilling. and it's leading to depression and anxiety, and addiction and all of these things. And so if we can just come back to gratitude and presence and mindfulness with ourselves, we can discern ourselves, what is our true rhythm we need one surfaces.


[26:23] VL: I never know what's going to happen. And if I take that leap, I have no idea. Or I can stay still and know that this is where I'm going to be in a year or two years or three years, whatever that is. And the thought of staying stagnant and doing what I was doing was so much more frightening.


Terrifying than taking the leap. Into the vast unknown. But again, that was just the time. It was one of the times where I followed my gut instinct to change, trust myself, and it shifted everything for me. It changed my whole life and I'm so glad that I, that I did that and so but I was also meditating frequently I had a very physical practice that I was committed to. I was doing gratitude journaling every single day like I was bodying the embodiment practices I was doing the work daily and I feel like the more consistent we can be with these practices, the deeper that connection are, and the quicker that connection builds as well.


And it becomes easier to trust yourself when you're are connected and when you're not numbing yourself, but I know that there are a lot of us that are caught up in the outside the external, the sheds.


So I really wanted to make a point of just being compassionate to yourself when you're going into this journey because like you mentioned, it's not always easy and it's always fun.


But at the end of the day, it's always worth it


RG: It is.


VL: Okay, I want to jump into our rapid fire round, but before we get into that, is there anything that hasn't been said? That you want to share on this topic?


RG: Well, I think the fact that I've met so many entrepreneurs and visionaries and rebels, and people who just don't relate, they feel a little bit like a mess. And I just want to speak to anybody who's listening now.


But as scary as it is, you will find your opinion will always belong in the gift of this work is that when you look to yourself, That becomes a little bit less important. but you will find your people no matter what path you take you. you know as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. It's like when you're ready, your community, and you will always be open supported on your journey


[29:29] VL: Oh my gosh I’m going to burst out laughing… So go ahead These are meant to oh my gosh, I couldn't laugh I get a burst out laughing so I don't know if I shared this with you but around the time when you reached before you reach out to me about club rise in your hybrid coaching program. I was thinking like, ready to take the lead, wants to hire a coach but I don't know who I should hire so I had three people in for one of them. And the first person was a friend who I'd seen have a lot of success but she was going through something really troubling and because I knew that from her on an intimate level. I felt like it wasn't the right time for us to work like that together. We're still friends and everything. The second person I also heard really good things about but I just wasn't getting that like that poll. And then I didn't even know if you're offering anything at the time but I knew you were doing coaching. And so that week, you reached out to me and you like randomly I don't think we were talking to each other for a little while then and he randomly reached out to me. And that was that sign and that poll and that nudge that I needed to confirm my feeling about these three different people. So even though I kind of already knew because I was doing the inner work because I'm pretty connected to myself because I have a pretty strong intuition. I knew that it was going to be you but because of that confirmation. And I think that's really cool is that when you start to connect more to yourself, you start to see the people who you said you're going to magnetize and attract into your life. You also start to see the signs, and the synchronicities and all those things lining up. And the act is also really amazing because it's just confirmation that you are being supported. It's confirmation that you're on the right track. And the same goes for when you're not on the right track. And all of a sudden things are going wrong and you're like Why isn't this working? why does everything feel so forceful? Why do I have to push so hard? like why is it so hard if if you find yourself repeating those words, Then, you know, in my in my experience I'm not listening to my my intuition I'm not. I'm not doing my embodiment practices at all.


RG: Yeah I agree.

And sometimes you know, when you were saying how it was scarier to be stagnant than to take that chance, that's one of my favorite quotes is sometimes the risk to stay in the mud is greater than the risk of loss. And one thing I tell people is you always know you know, sometimes we can get in our heads a little bit about oh, like, you know, for example, in a relationship should I stay or should I go and have friends say to me, I don't know if I should stay or should I go and I think you will, You will always And so not to risk a decision or not to force but to allow yourself to the two sides to the things that you're deciding between and to trust you know you'll know. And if you're ready to go down that path.


VL: I love all of it. and I know that people listening are going to do also love everything that you're saying so. Where can we find you. Where can we follow you and how can we support your business?


Website | www.robyngooding.com

Instagram | @robyn.gooding 

Podcast | The Profitable Way

Group Program | Club Rise


RG: To work with me, I have my program that you were so honored that we got to work together club rise which is really tiny, tiny coaching, tiny group coaching for entrepreneurs writing And it's specifically focused towards soulful and service based entrepreneurs, coaches, creatives, consultants, wellness practitioners, anybody in that role? And it's for you if you're looking to make more money. Clean up your back end systems structure your business in a way that sustainable.


VL: It’s wonderful and amazing. I’ll speak to it myself


RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

It Ends With Us - Colleen Hoover


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

It's very internally oriented. Basically, feeling grounded in my truth and activated and liberated to receive that.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

Probably, I have two, so one is bathing before bed and waking up and walking.


4. What are you currently working toward?

So my words for this year are joy and appreciation. And so what I'm working toward is expanding my capacity to feel more joy and to receive risky or goodness in my life without self sabotaging or making I have a long history with waiting for the other shoe to drop and not allowing myself to be deeply present in the moments of good because I'm scared of being blindsided by the bad, and I think that the pandemic has. It did accelerate that because so many of us blindsided by the length of the intensity and the loss and the grief and all of that.


So my my intention, the thing I'm really working towards this year is to sort of shed that experience and lean into more joy which is for me different to happiness because it's not based on external circumstances. And it's really about living a joyful life.


Like being in that feeling of joy. Brene Brown calls it the most courageous emotion and I cannot agree more it feels honorable and he doesn't want to be joyful.


VL:  Amazing thank you so much for sharing your a little bit of your story and your wisdom and these practices with us. It's such a unique topic. So I'm not sure if anyone listening is like, Oh, I'm going to try this or maybe you just need to be reminded like I did that these are the tools that we have available to us that we just need to take action on. So I appreciate you taking the time and sharing all of this goodness with us.


RG: Yeah, you are so incredible. And I'm so grateful to have met you and to be able to work with you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you and thank you so much for like gifting me the opportunity to speak to this because it's a business coach. most people want you to talk about money and strategy and online marketing and all of this stuff but in my experience is the energy and the embodiment mindset soul stuff. that always is the make or break get business to life. to all of it so I appreciate you going there.


VL: I'm so glad you said that because a friend of mine, she says that entrepreneurship is personal development with a paycheck. And if you're not if you're not doing the soul work, then you're just not you're not doing it and I feel like every time I hear someone's story about how they made this huge shift or they up leveled in their life, it was when they blocked out the noise. They took the leap they trusted themselves or they or I keep hitting my microphone or the universe forced them into a space where they had no choice but to connect themselves. So again, amazing and everyone needs this Everyone needs this.


RG: Yeah, I I agree. I always say your business cannot outgrow you. So if you want your business to grow, you've got to be willing to go there.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business
 
 

E177: This Powerful Starting Point Helped a Wellness Leader be a Better Mom & Jumpstart her New Business

When Stephanie and I first connected, she was just starting her business and was diving deeper into personal development. But there was a missing piece to the work and habits she was already doing. This missing piece turned out to be a powerful part of her journey, and made a huge impact on the behaviours and actions she was currently doing and elevated her success and daily life moving forward…


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[01:00] Valerie: Stephanie, Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you here. 


Stephanie: I am so excited to be here as well. I was very flattered when you asked me to be on it.


VL: Well, I think what's really cool about how we met each other and maybe I'll just slip this in here before you tell your story is that you signed up for a workshop of mine on a whim and we didn't really know each other and then we kind of got connected through friends and through social media. And it was really cool to see you in this workshop and then see your growth and follow you online this way. Because it was so new for me. That's a new experience for me. So I loved seeing how you were sharing this journey. And I thought, oh my gosh, this would be such a great story to share with the podcast and I know you're a listener of the podcast, so this is so great.


SK: Yeah. 


VL: So why don't you start off with telling us a little bit about yourself and how you got into creating some of the habits that you are right now.


SK: Okay, so I am a mom of three little ones. I have been an educator for 15 years and have left the profession to pursue other things and health and wellness and have really, I thought I always had a healthy habits, but I think I just had habits that didn't necessarily come from a healthy place but more of a place of trying to gain control in my life. And I have really unpacked that for the past two years. And I really think that when I stood when I took your workshop I was I was in a place of saying yes to everything. And so when I saw that the workshop was being run I said okay, yes, I'm going to take that and it really opened up my eyes to the intention.


Everything that I did and the importance of those intentions, and that's really been like a common thread throughout everything I've done in the past two years.


[03:00] VL: That's so amazing. And I'm so glad you talked about intention because I think it's such an interesting introducing and oftentimes you see influencers on social media or you read books about successful people who have this like epic morning routine. I need to do the exact same thing is that but the intention is not there. So can I ask you what your intention was behind some of the habits that you have and maybe if you want to share any of those specific habits?


SK: My intentions now, our inner peace, happiness flow, things that they actually didn't understand. Previously, a friend of mine had asked me Have you ever been in a state of flow? And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Previously, all of my habits revolved around control, control around the way I hate control around the way I have my house controlling I parenting kids, and I didn't realize that that was actually I mean, such a negative impact on my physical and mental health.


When I took your workshop, and I really understood some of the things that I had let go and I had stopped getting dressed. I was still like wearing sweats all the time. It's still putting makeup on and stopped doing my hair. And I realized that I stopped doing those things, because I thought they were frivolous. And once I realized intentions like that the meaning behind it doesn't have to be super deep. But if it's something that you enjoy something that brings you happiness, then then that's a good habit to have. And so that's when I started to put on jeans, or do my makeup and I realized how much happiness that that gave me and I started to look for the happiness in my habits rather than simply having them to gain a sense of control. so things that I do now that are habitual are I make the kids lunch at nighttime, because that gives me an opportunity to be able to work out in the morning.


I will move my body in some way in the morning, that's more for pleasure, rather than punishment.


I move a lot slower throughout life. I allow myself to watch TV for pleasure rather than numbing out. There's lots of different things that I do now and I think about the why the why is most important thing to be like this. 


[05:40] VL: Oh my goodness! I have chills listening to all these things. I love how you're talking about things you were already doing and just shifting the reason behind it. So it wasn't even like you made any massive changes overnight. And even those little photos where you're saying like you're putting your makeup you're dressing the time when you meet your kids lunches. It sounds like it's making it I know from watching you it's it looks like a tail that diverts making such a small shift of why is making such a greater impact or a bigger difference in your life. So I'm so glad that you said yes to that workshop. I'm so glad that you put the the things that you've learned into action into real life. So as I'm listening to your story, and I can relate to wanting to control everything, there's lots going on, we need to make sure that all the ducks in a row we need to make sure that we are going at the same time. And if someone is listening to this and thinking like I can relate I am also someone who feels like they need to be in control. What would you say to that person who wants to keep pushing forward even though they love what your peers say they love hearing that flow sounds amazing and happiness. How do we how do we move from that control how do we introduce this happiness and tension?


SK: So the funny thing is I kind of came to the realization through reading a parenting book called The Awakened family. And that made me realize that I was trying to gain a massive sense of control around everything, my outside to control the inner chaos and it was like a light bulb that went off and I didn't know how to shift out of that. So I went to therapy and I asked my therapist, and he said it's like a form of OCD to expose yourself to it. So the greatest thing was to allow myself to feel discomfort.


And that was where the biggest growth came. Because I wasn't going to let go of things that I was doing that I enjoyed like I enjoy working out. I enjoy eating healthy. I enjoy having a clean house and an organized house. But it was bringing more turmoil trying to keep it perfect. So I had to let myself feel the discomfort if those things didn't happen. And understanding that a habit doesn't have to be confined like you don't have it doesn't have to be so restrictive and that is what I didn't understand. I thought that if I let go, then it would feel like a sense of failure. And I also started to find myself a person who had these really strict habits and was I without them and once I realized that I didn't need to be that person who was perfect and let down so much of that guard actually allowed so much more ease into my life and people were able to really relate to me more and it was a sense of vulnerability that I wasn't prepared to share with people prior to that, but just you know, getting uncomfortable was my greatest gift.


[08:57] VL: So incredible. I love that and I know that you and I were chatting a couple of days ago or whatever that was like you were like I'm so uncomfortable on this podcast. It's sort of totally out of my comfort zone like you've got this and here you are showing up and rocking it.


What do you think was the biggest surprise about this mindset shift for you and about these changes in your habits? What surprised you the most?


SK: I think what surprised me the most is that I could be happier. Or I could gain a bigger sense of control both by letting go of control. And I really have thought so much more about that recently, because I didn't have a lot of control in my life as a child. I mean, it all goes back to childhood, right? So I didn't have a lot of sense of control as a child. And I gained that sense of control by creating these habits around certain things in my life and that and that made me feel safe and that made me feel in control. And once I realized that I could let go of that and still feel a sense of safety.


That was biggest shift and understanding that healthy habits are things that move you forward in the right direction whereas unhealthy habits can still look to the outer world like healthy habits, but if they don't make you feel good inside, If they feel like really restrictive then they're not actually healthy for you.


VL: So here's a tricky question. 


What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either: What you are doing your habit day in and day out and you started it was something that made you feel really happy. And as you're continuing to do this habit. When do you know if the habit is no longer four? Has that come up for you where you're like actually, this habit is not for me anymore, or are there habits that you started that you needed to shift? Because they started studying restrictive? Because I asked this because I know there are a lot of times where we don't necessarily want to do the thing. We don't necessarily want to work out we don't necessarily want to do the green juice. We don't necessarily want to wake up at 530 in the morning, but we do those things because we know it makes us feel better after so either.


[11:40] SK: Yeah. So in terms of things that don't necessarily right. I have been a restrictive eater for about 20 years. I still really enjoy eating healthy but I need to keep a check on myself on what that actually looks like and I can very easily slip back into a little bit of negative thoughts around eating healthy. I don't know if you've heard of orthorexia, which is the obsession with healthy eating right. I never thought that that was a bad thing. But now I know better and I had so much disordered eating patterns. And so that's a place that I can really fall back into the negatives mindset the number one thing that keeps me on track is accountability. I'm part of a healthy habits club that I run through my business and we really focus on mindset first, and so that was the missing piece of the puzzle for me, is the mindset piece. So I now do tapping on a regular basis. I practice gratitude on a regular basis. I have a sort of breathwork as well. So focusing on that mindset always brings me back to a really positive place.


And honestly, I don't beat myself up. When I fall off track.


I've realized that there's no such thing as like starting again, or like day one or things like that. It's just like continuing to habit that maybe paused for a little bit and giving yourself grace to do that. You know, when I go on vacation now I don't but I still take on my vitamins drink like greens and do things like that. So I think really not beating yourself up but having some form of accountability, whether that's a friend or group that you're in, in a positive way because I've had accountability groups that focus maybe on those negative habits and And I think that can be a slippery slope and a dangerous path and I just have to keep myself really interact with that.


[13:48] VL: Yeah, that's a great, those are great points, all those titles. I love that you have this have this ability to connect with other people who you know, get the same thing out of it that you do, they need the same support. And I see this all the time with the on the groups that I'm in as well. So you talked about a lot of different habits and some people might be listening and thinking like oh, she took this workshop and then all of a sudden she's always having to change your mindset and all these things. But it didn't come all at once!


SK: no! Like I had a lot of habits in place and I like I said the intention behind it wasn't always healthiest. So it wasn't shifting that mindset and then incorporating new things and asking myself, like who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be?


What are things that make me happy? What would make me happier? What would make me a better parents, all of those things will then help create those habits.


VL: Exactly. And I know that you and I talk a lot about habits, too and it's really about building one at a time and they can all have similar intention or they can have multiple intentions and why is behind them. So I love that you just keep growing and keep pushing yourself and keep stretching and doing all of those things to help you with your habits help you with your growth with your business. With that being said, Is there something that you've really noticed that's changed since you started cultivating these habits with this different intention, whether that's your life, that's your, your job, or maybe it's parenthood, like what kind of changes has have come out of creating these unhealthy habits with this better mindset?


[15:41] SK: Well, I definitely think that's for sure. I think it's created a sense of inner calmness that has allowed me to become a better I think a better human in general. But I also think that it's really reflected on my children. My kids are calmer. They understand the idea of they don't like they're the habits that I'm trying to help them form. But they understand the reason behind it. And I think especially when we're modeling for our little people, teaching them that there's a reason to start these healthy habits is a way to really get them to get on board. And I think that even modeling for you know, I wasn't always the most calm person and modeling like take a deep breath. When I'm going to give myself a timeout. Like all of these different things are really great. ways to show them how to approach life. And so I think it's made me a much calmer, better parents. and I think they can relate to me a lot more and once I let down that guard as well.


VL: 100% I think it's really easy to see and I mean this in the best way is a really a great compliment a doozy to see someone like it just you look like you have it all together.


Smiling but I will say I love those little kind of, I guess like business interruption so like content interruptions, you know, you're talking about your business, you're talking about your habits, you're talking about your success. And then you have these little content interruptions, which is like when your youngest is pulling out all the pots and pans from the drawer and spreading them all over the kitchen and you know it's it's not only a sense of like a course you are letting your guard down and be more vulnerable like not everyone shows this on their social media, but you're also taking people into your space of like being a little bit more behind the scenes and being a little bit more like yeah, behave. Yes, I can still have these habits. Yes, it can still make this work as a business thing things. It's doesn't always look so perfect doesn't always look so effortless right there is work to be done there. There is effort in a lot of the habit, but it's worth it. That's what it sounds like. 


SK: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And and you're right in the fact that like it's not perfect all the time and sometimes I don't feel like doing things at all. But it always comes back to because I've created that habit and because I know how it makes me feel like tap into my why behind and that always brings me back to a good healthy place.


VL: So before we close up, I want my question and that is to get to those whose feeling stuck, what would you say to someone who wants to start a habit but just share or maybe they're afraid or maybe they're confused? what would you say to them?


SK: Well, I think the biggest thing is to dive deep into why you want to start that habit. If it's let's say it's working out because that's something that often people want to start right like why do you want to start doing that? Do you want to be stronger? Do you want to be able to keep up with your kids? Do you want to just have those endorphins released? Do you want quiet time? Do you want to be able to form a community with the people that you go running with or cycle with? Do you want to achieve a certain physical something which there's nothing wrong with as well? Is there something that you want? And why do you want it because every single time that you question that habit or don't feel like doing that habit? Once you're able to tap into that you need a y that's going to actually motivate you because at some point that motivation will be gone. Right so tap into that why and then it will you know push you propel you forward.


VL: your why is that motivation that is that fuel to bring you forward. That's great advice.


So before we say goodbye, is there anything else that you really want to share with anyone listening to this or something that hasn't been said?


SK: I think just don't be afraid of failure. Don't be afraid of getting outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid of looking stupid and don't be afraid of what other people think. Because in the end, it doesn't matter. And I was actually going for a walk with my toddler today and I thought if all of us just approach the world like a toddler like jumping before they know that the ground is there or you know taking a pass where they don't know where it ends, or just wondering about I think we'd be so much happier. And so that's my biggest piece of advice is just, you know, start something before you actually know what the outcome is going to be.


VL: I love that experiment and have fun I love it. I was so good.


Thanks so much for being on the podcast today. I really appreciate you taking the time. I really appreciate you being vulnerable and trying experimenting and learning from your little ones and being able to share that today because honestly every time I see you show up I just feel like my heart is like beaming for you because I have seen the journey and I'm just so excited to keep watching and watching you Grow and Glow so it's really incredible. Thank you.


SK: Well thank you for having me.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E176: The Best Time to Start a New Habit
 
 

E176: The Best Time to to Start New Habits

I like to joke that the best time to start a new habit was yesterday. The second best time is today. But the joke is actually kind of true. One of my only regrets in life is that I didn’t start things sooner. However I’m smart enough to understand: we don’t have the ability to change the past, but we can create a better future by taking action in the present.


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[00:52] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne.


I’m very excited for you for choosing this particular episode. Pressing play on this episode tells me that you - my friend - are interested in creating a new habit/routine/ritual and you’re looking for how to do it successfully.


I don’t believe in coincidences, so trust me when I say… we were meant to cross paths here and now, and this is a great sign/omen to your success.


I’ll get it out of the way at the beginning, in case you’re new to the show: I am a very practical and logical human, and I am also very into the woo and the occult, and I think in a past life I was a quantum or metaphysicasist. If not in a past life, then maybe in my next life!


Anyway, without spoiling your hopes and dreams of learning the exact formula for when you start a new habit, I will let you know that I haven’t discovered that specific formula just yet.


What I will share with you today are the key tips and practices for building new habits, routines, and rituals. And your mission, dear friend, is to take action on experimenting on what you learn today.


Firstly, it’s important to know that it is a lot easier to start a new habit, than it is to break an existing habit.

It’s also a lot easier to replace a current habit than it is to start a new habit entirely.


So take a moment here to think about what new action or behaviour it is that you want to cultivate? What routines would you love to build? What rituals do you want to begin?


Then, consider what existing routines, habits, or rituals can you replace with the new one? If this question is difficult to answer, I recommend doing a habit audit or creating a habit scorecard.


The Habit Scorecard


[03:00] To do this, you will need a piece of paper or notebook and a pen. Here’s how it works: from the moment you wake up, you are going to write down a list of EVERYTHING you do; every activity throughout your day until you go to bed at night.


When writing your list, keep three things in mind:

  1. Be detailed

  2. Be honest

  3. Be non-judgmental


If you can, do this for a WHOLE WEEK. Yes, a whole week. We have different habits every day and usually they repeat weekly.


Once you have your list of daily (and weekly) routines, it’s time to rate them.


Use a yellow highlighter or put a “+” beside good habits. A good habit is beneficial and improves your life. For example: mediation, exercising, staying hydrated, flossing.


Use a blue highlighter or put a “-” beside bad habits. A bad habit is detrimental and doesn’t solve problems in your life (possibly creating a problem in the long term). For example: checking instagram or emails first thing in the morning, grabbing a sugary latte before work every day.


Don’t highlight, or put an “=” beside neutral habits. A neutral habit is something that must be done. For example: getting dressed, going to the bathroom, driving to work, etc.


Then analyze the data: what did you learn about your habits? Which habits/routines can you break by replacing them with your new habits/routines?


If the first way to increase your success with habits was listening to this episode, the second action is figuring out what you will create/replace. Well done!


Now let’s talk about the timing…


Is Timing Everything?

[05:06] Short answer, and in my opinion, no. But I did toil with this for a while. Not “timing” as in the arbitrary dates like the first of January and “new year's resolutions” or the first of the month, or mondays, or what have you. But timing in the sense of: the time of day, or the frequency of the habit, or the stage of life a person is in. 


Is timing important? Definitely. But it isn’t everything.


Some researchers will tell you that doing your habit first thing in the morning leads to success, others will say starting a challenge on a Wednesday is the best day of the week to start something new.


I tell my clients, the best time to do your habit is whenever you actually do it. And this requires some experimentation. 


Experimenting can be fun! And let it be fun and easy and flow! We’ll talk about how “fun” is important for creating new habits a bit later.


When you’re in the experimentation phase, try scheduling your habit at the same time every day for a week, and if that time doesn’t work, try a different time. You’ll begin to notice where and when your habit works best for you to be the most consistent with it. 


At the very beginning of this episode I joked that the best day to start a habit was yesterday, and the second best day is today. If you’re thinking of doing a new habit – you’re already in that decision-making/motivated headspace to take a new action and I say, DO IT!


Do it right now! Who knows what your headspace will be like tomorrow!? (or on Monday or January 1).


In my opinion ACTION is the most important part of creating your habit. Taking physical action and doing the thing you set out to do.


When you are in action, you are moving the needle forward. You are creating new ingrained neural pathways in your brain to make this conscious action unconscious and habitual over time. 


Time… Taking action over time is what I call practice. When we practice we are doing something on purpose. A habit is formed through practice; through repetition. 


[07:44] While we’re in the practice and repetition phase, there are two things that are very important:

  1. Consistency

  2. Rewards


Aim for consistency over perfection. I always remind my clients that “consistency doesn’t mean every day, it means never giving up.”


So many people give up because they missed a day of their new habit - I see it all the time. Don’t fall into the perfectionism trap! Each day is a new opportunity to start again. Skip a day, or two, but get back on track as soon as you can. Forget perfectionism, focus on consistency.


Reward yourself immediately for doing the new habit or routine. Rewards and celebration are important when leveraging the existing neural pathways to help us create new neural pathways that allow our new habits and routines to become ingrained in our brains. To become habitual and automatic. Rewards release “happy” chemicals and speed up the practice phase.


The immediate reward is especially important when new actions don’t immediately reward us or have benefits on their own, like when we’re changing bad habits, learning new skills, challenging ourselves in new ways. There are certain behaviours that are much more difficult to start and maintain because they push us out of comfort zones, and have us growing in ways that are physically/mentally/emotionally challenging. There is no immediate dopamine release.


The reward or celebration is going to be different for every person and for every habit. For some, checking off a box or putting a sticker on a chart is the perfect amount of dopamine to do it again the next day.


For others, it’s accolades from a coach, buddy, or social media post/share to keep them feeling motivated to continue.


When considering your reward or celebration, think of something that excites you, that is small and realistic for you to do. An example of the wrong type of reward would be buying and eating a box of donuts after working out at the gym… this kind of defeats the point of your new routine.


Something that I’ve found to be really successful happens in our 21 day challenges. A few times a year I host a free challenge called Elevate Your Life. Essentially it's a healthy habit challenge and a bunch of us do this together for a set 21 days. I send everyone a tracker, and I encourage the group to share their success throughout the challenge and tag me in their posts and stories on Instagram. 


There are many reasons why tracking is helpful, but checking off the box, the reply and excitement I give them when I see and then reshare the post - this is a type of reward. It’s also a type of accountability. So WHAM-BAM there’s like three habit super boosters in one hahaha


If you’re interested in joining the next challenge, click here!

Depending on when you’re listening to this you’ll either be able to join the challenge, or join the waitlist for the next challenge - either way you won’t miss out!


[11:19] The saying goes, “There’s no time like the present.” And I think I've made it clear that I agree with this statement. However… I feel like there’s always a “BUT” 


There is power in specific times, which is why you may notice that doing something new is easier in different seasons, days, or in different places. 


So here are a few “times” to consider when planning out new habits/routines/rituals…


New Moon/Crescent Moon

Remember when I said I liked the WOO!? Well I’m an astrology enthusiast and a great time to start a new habit as it relates to the planets in the sky, is just after the new moon and as the crescent moon appears.


Energetically this time signifies the beginning of a new 28 day cycle, as well as a 6 month and 12 month cycle. Consider this timing for creating goals or themes that you want to continue on for 6-12 months.


The Follicular Phase

For females who track their menstruation cycle, the Follicular Phase is a great time to start new projects, goals, or habits. This is the part of your cycle following your menstrual or bleeding phase. In the follicular phase, your hormones are starting to rise, along with your energy and your excitement to start new projects, strategize and set up your calendar, and create new routines.


The energy of the follicular phase is very similar to the season of spring.


Spring is another great time to begin new routines and habits. It’s a lively time of “freshness” and “newness''. A lot of people start to get outside more and have energy to meet up with friends, clear out closets, clean the house, and so on.


Another excellent time to create new habits is when you’re in a Different Environment.

Such as while on vacation/in a new place than your usual home or work setting. Because you are somewhere different, your body and brain cannot fall into the regular patterns that you are in auto-pilot in while at home in a familiar place. You have to get out of bed differently, the bathroom is set up differently, the agenda for the day is completely different than it is when you’re at home or at work. Take advantage of it by starting a new habit!


There you have it! The best time to start new habits, as well as some other options for getting into action.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E175: How to Press Publish on Your Writing Online
 
 

E175: How to Press Publish on Your Writing Online with Julia Rose

Julia Rose is the founder of Hello, Writer and a Writing Coach. She helps women press PUBLISH on personal essays so they can leave their mark on the world. If you've ever wondered..."am I a writer?" You are. Non-writers never ask themselves, “am I a writer?”

In Hello, Writer, you publish your ideas after sitting on them for years. You are scared and press publish anyways.If you’re here wondering if you’re a writer….that tells me you are.

Hello, Writer helps you actually feel like one…


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[01:06] Valerie LaVigne: Julia! Welcome to the women's apparel podcast. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like you are one of our more unique guests because you have a very different offering than some of the other guests that we've had on the show. so I'd love to dive in to you, and you explain a little bit more about what you do and to help.


Julia Rose: Cool Hi, thank you for having me. My name is Julia rose. And I'll tell you a little story. So I have always been writing. But there came a point in my career where I was always writing for other people, executive directors, politicians, bosses, and most of these people were men. No surprise there. And then in 2018, I got what I thought was my dream job at a tech company in downtown Toronto. And for reasons I still to this day, do not understand five weeks into that job I was abruptly terminated and sent away and it was winter.


And I was lost in life and just really feeling confused. And so that February I decided to press publish on my own writing on a platform called medium. And that is the reason that I'm here today because I continue to press publish over and over on my writing. And now I've published over 70 pieces on medium about life love writing relationships. and that all culminated in me creating a course called Hello writer so I can help women do the exact same thing.


VL: That's so incredible. I mean, how empowering was that moment when you press published for the first time?


JR: Yeah, it was awesome. It was really great because I think the when you're a smart, talented, educated woman and you spend your time working hard to communicate for other people, there's a little bit of tension because on the one hand, if those are your opinions, it's not your name underneath it. And on the flip side, if it's not your opinion, you're still writing you're still writing. So you're caught between this weird place where either you agree, but you get no recognition for it, or you disagree and you feel this internal conflict. So claiming your own name as a writer and not waiting for someone to pay you or ask to join Globe and Mail, which was always a dream of mine. It is empowering.


VL: And it's so great that you are helping people do this too. I mean, I know for myself starting this podcast was something that helped me discover my own voice so I can relate to that feeling of empowerment in a little bit of a different way. It's not necessarily writing; however, I know that a lot of people listening to the show would definitely be interested in learning how to write their opinions or write their voice out. So can you take us through a little bit about how the process goes or what this would look like from someone who wants to express themselves through writing?


[04:29] JR: Yes, so I think the number one place to start is to consider that your thoughts and opinions are valid.


And that is a long, confusing place to start because there's a lot wrapped up in our worst. And especially I work with women or people who identify as women, we've basically been conditioned to not have faith in our thoughts and opinions and that's not our fault. That just is the way the world has been. So I if people are wanting to become writers or express themselves through reading, you have to start with believing that what you have to say is valuable. And I like to consider that just like we're in a relationship with other people. We're in a relationship with our thoughts. And in a positive thought, self relationship, we might think something and to take it further to write about it. We have to think, Oh, that's interesting. I wonder about that. So if you have a thought, let's say cafes are where creativity is found. Let's take that thought. If I wanted to expand on that writing idea, I would have to explore it with curiosity. Okay, so why do I think that? how does that show up for me? What more could I ask about that? etc, etc. So you explore things instead of immediately shutting them down.


VL: I love that you're using questions to explore things. I love questions. I love investigating these different sides of us. And you make a really great point of starting with feeling that validation or knowing that our thoughts and our opinions and and our feelings are valid. I see this very often in my own practices. What are some other maybe mental or, or other blocks that might come up with people when they start writing or when they start getting the idea of wanting to write?


[06:40] JR: Yeah, it's hilarious the spectrum of fear and how it shows up. So on the one hand, we believe no one cares what I have to say. Absolutely not a single person. So why would I bother is kind of where that thought exists. And then on the other side, we think, oh my god, everyone's going to read what I have to say and they're gonna tell me that this shit.


So these things are not the same, but in our brains and I think what I can reassure people with is that every writer I have worked with over the past two years, has expressed both of those things at the same time. So, I mean, that, in one sense, is very reassuring, because we can hold these two things that don't make any sense and still we can decide to push through and press publish anyways. But that's where people get stuck. They get stuck in being on the scene. and seen at the same time. And so the nature of my course Hello writer is to do that in a group so that you can see that other people are also having those same struggles. and you can kind of separate that it's really not a huge issue. it's just fear.


VL: And that's so common i I know exactly what you mean, when you say that you feel seen and unseen and those and the fears that are coming up are those things because I feel like I'm being taken right back to when I first published on my podcast, and it was me thinking, what am I? What if no one listens to this podcast? Or what's the point of it? And then it works. Oh, my gosh, would have ever listened to my podcasts and sees how silly I am. But something that really helped me was that I actually started with I'm going to translate it into like this video version because basically I did Instagram lives for five weeks in a row and I made those I took the audio and I extracted that and I made those into my first five podcasts episode so it was almost like I did it in this way where maybe it's like free writing or more of that creative. Like, who cares what happens? I'm just gonna do it. And when I did these five episodes, I really felt like okay, people know that this is why they know that I'm you they see that I'm a little bit nervous. and that's okay. and it really was about building this momentum to bring us to this is going to be 175!


So, you're going from maybe and then again, trying to move this into more writing because well, I'll get to this in a minute, but moving from the podcast to writing, even if we just did five short pieces or five entries, or whatever that was. We only get better with practice. and I feel like everyone has a story to share or a story to tell. Then some of us are going to be a little bit stronger with that writing. So a couple questions come to mind. How can we know that we are writers?


JR: Thank you so much for this question.


I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. and the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer, you are.


I have a video that I recorded in the summer, which is on the Hello writer sales page. And the very first sentence in the video is if you're wondering if you're a writer you are Because I'm sorry, but people that are not interested in something don't ask themselves the question. I wonder if I'm a writer. I wonder if like we could it's an odd comparison but I think we can compare it to sexual expression and identity in that if we start to wonder about something it's a pretty good sign that we're interested in it, right, so with writing it.


[10:50] VL: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring.


JR: I think that's really powerful is that if you were thinking about it, then you probably are, or at least something worth exploring at that point. Yeah, absolutely. And I think how we identify is a big sticking point for people. So I'm also a dancer and I've been trained as a dancer since I was four and I can really relate to the idea of when I take a break from dance for a year. at one point in my life. I didn't dance for two years straight. Am I still a dancer?


Where does that identity Do I Do I have the right to call myself and I know that for a lot of mentors, which is like there's no I don't have the right to identify as a writer because I'm not out there doing anything. Okay, well, I wouldn't I invite you to take a step towards that. And I think that's what a lot of women use my course to do is to really get out of their own way and take the step towards that because the transformation I can share is that people come into the course thinking there's no way I would ever call myself that and they leave the course putting writer in their Instagram bio and launching, various things that they confidently say as one of their pieces of their life is that they're a writer.


VL: That's really cool. So, when people are ready to take your course or as you are taking your course what are some things that what are some channels or mediums that people are publishing on Is it their own blogs is other people's blogs, are they writing books, is this something that would also fit into the category category of writing a book.


JR: So I'm shifting things a little bit this year, but in previous cohorts, the publishing platform of choice has been media. So I love media. That's where all of my work has been published because it's completely open source. It's anyone can make a profile and you can hit Publish today, with no money out of your pocket. It also has 60 million monthly readers. So the thing with a blog and when you start to get into the writing world you want the first question is Where am I going to put it? And that gets people super stuck because then there's all these layers of perfectionism. Well, what's my brain? What would my URL be? What were my colors, what is my statement, etc, etc. And medium removes all of that nonsense because it is already designed. It already has a font and it's just your name.medium.com So that's why I love it. 


But specifically to answer your question about what kind of writing it is, what kind of writing is it? I like to call it personal essay writing? And that means that it's about you. It is your opinion, your life experience, your thoughts, as opposed to content writing, which is more about selling your product or service or positioning it. Most people in the course aspire to publish a book one day and that's also a part I find really interesting because I don't know if you relate but Writing a book is a goal for a lot of us. 


And yet, we're not taking any baby steps towards using our voice. We just think that one day, we're going to have two years in the south of France with a butler serving us food or we're going to go on this romantic Italy writing retreat and the books just gonna pour out of us. And then we're gonna pitch it to a publisher and we're going to be signing books like Taylor Swift's all too well music video.


Like no, it's not it. We have to take some steps towards using our voice in like small risk free scenarios if we're ever going to be signing books in a Barnes and Noble.


[14:55] VL: This is so amazing. I literally just went right to the south of France and that's where I want it but it's not it's not happening today. I'm not writing today. Yeah, maybe tomorrow or maybe we're gonna manage to make it happen. I might create the butler and a writing retreat. I was just gonna say I hear a retreat in my ears right now.


Okay, I love this and I'm so glad that we're having a conversation because selfishly This is also for me. I have often thought about writing and writing a book and I obviously do a lot of content writing. However, I sometimes feel that the podcast is a little bit more about my opinion, or it's a space where other women can come and speak their own opinions and tell their own stories. So you know, part of me is getting very excited. I'm also a little bit nervous that I'm saying this out loud.


Yeah, I really would love to write a book someday. Also, I've had astrologers and psychic mediums and different types of people in that spiritual round say to me, that I'm going to write a book or that I need to be writing a book and quite frankly, why Yeah, I would love to do that. But I'm going to be honest with you, I have no idea where to start. And now that we're having this conversation, I feel like okay, this is definitely you're making some very valid points and you're definitely calling me for help because, no, I'm not practicing my writing at all. So, of course you have your course. Let's say we're still in this little bit of a limbo space. I think I want to be doing this, but I don't know if I want to connect to something in a group right now. What is this in between phases? What can I be doing this time, or is that, if that question doesn't sit well, how do I know that this is the right course for me?


JR: Yeah, to answer the first question I was gonna say, I don't think it will be possible to get out of your way without being in a community.


Because I think if you wanted to, if you had the skills and you had the perfect mindset that is necessary to just start, you probably would do that.


Let's take me for an example. I didn't take a course to start publishing my thoughts and opinions. I don't know why. I didn't need someone pushing me kicking me in the butt or holding my hand to do it. I just had the drive. And that doesn't mean I'm better than anyone. That's just my situation. and that's why I do this job is because there's something unique and special about what I have created in my head that inspires me to continually press publish, even when it's really terrifying to do so and it definitely is still for me scary to publish.


So, how do you know that the Hello, Writer course experience is right for you, you would have to be willing to actually do the work. You would have to be ready. So it comes at a time where you're so tired of your show.


And you're so tired of not doing the writing because this isn't a talking about writing course. So let's imagine that even someone who maybe studied communications. I have a couple people that are professional writers that have taken the course they're journalists, but they don't write for themselves. and it's a very different thing when you start to internalize the writing because someone else isn't giving you an assignment. And in the course I make a very specific, very specific point not to arbitrate whether someone's work is ready to go.


So we have a cut. we have one touch point at the beginning of the course where I look at people's work and give them some feedback. and after that i i remove myself and that's weird for people because we grew up in a society where everyone is grading your work, everyone is scrutinizing your work. You might even have a teacher who hurt your feelings about your writing. A lot of people that have taken the course have these horror stories that a teacher told them to their face. You're not a good writer.


And we have to come in and say I'm sorry, that's one person's opinion. You want to be here so let's be here. This is getting long winded. But how do people know that they're ready for the course you are ready to actually get out of your way and take some steps to doing the thing of pressing publish writing, building it into your life and not just thinking of a one day pipe dream.


[19:54] VL: Sounds like it really goes beyond just writing and I don't mean to disrespect it by saying just writing but it goes beyond the action of writing. And it goes into this incredible opportunity for as we talked about empowerment, but there's personal development and this building of self trust and confidence. I feel like anyone would really benefit from that whether they're an aspiring author of their own book, or whether they just want to move through their thoughts like I I, I want to say thinking of this makes me feel like going through these things would help me with all of the ideas that I have in my head or all the thoughts that are going on and all of the things that I want to say but don't always know how to put them into words and having this community and the support would be so powerful in that transformation that you're talking about. So this is really, really cool.


It also has me curious, Can you share, obviously what without giving too much away but can you share, like, what kind of topics people are writing about a little bit more specifically just what people have an idea about what they have also could be sharing and they're writing or speaking to underwriting?


JR: Yes, yes. So the course is set up to facilitate people pressing publish. That's why I created it. I probably could call it the course press publish at some point. That's like pressing publish is always in big bold letters in my head. So we have a session on Fridays called fired up Friday. The intention is that you come up with a potential topic idea that you want to write about for that week. And you get fired up about it. So what happens often is people will come with something they think they should write about. And we can all tell that they're not excited about it. That's why it's called fired up Friday and we can look at them and say, I don't really think you're excited about this idea. Is there some reason that you're bringing this topic when you're not feeling excited about it like what is actually here for you? So we help people throw out what is absolutely not firing them up. and find the topic ideas. So what people have published is everything and anything but what comes to my mind is a piece that got someone a lot of recognition and was really terrifying for them to publish. spoke about their invisible disabilities.


I wish I could remember the title of the top of my head but they shared it on Instagram and the Alberta like a nonprofit that represents people with disabilities in Alberta reached out to them and they went on a podcast and now they have launched a whole movement around this idea that disability is not a binary because this person who wrote this piece exists sort of in this gray area of disability they can sometimes come across as able bodied, sometimes not. So these are the kinds of pieces that people work towards. They don't come right out of the gate saying like, this is me, this is the most scary thing I could ever publish. They usually do it halfway through the course. Other things people have written about are there's someone who's quite passionate about environmentalism so they write about sustainable development goals. But people also write about being divorced in their 20s and what that looks like with their friendship group. They write about what they learn when they ask their daughter. What does being kind mean to you. I personally write about relationships. A lot and as a breakup column.


It's everything and anything which is really beautiful about it because again, the idea of the fired up. It changes every day. So we really teach and talk about how to trust what's present for you now, so you don't have to waste time writing about things you think you should write about or would make you look impressive, just because.


[24:19] VL: WOW. This is so cool. I can imagine that. This would be not only transformational and powerful, but maybe a little bit emotional for a lot of people in the group. I mean, I'm feeling some waves come up, just listening to the stories. And this as I'm learning more about myself every day and this type of feeling that I'm having from listening to you, really I feel like I'm leaning in closer to this computer and this microphone, right. And I also feel like I want to lean into more of what that is. And so I wanted to point that out because sometimes I find this too when I'm listening to podcasts and maybe the listener feels this way too. They're like, you know, turning up the volume a little bit more or kind of tapping back to like, Wait a second. What did they just say again, I want to it's this experience that is happening. And as you're talking about this, I really feel your excitement and your passion for helping people do this and even in your story. As kind of briefly and amazingly, however you summed that up, it also has that kind of emotional, transformative feeling to it too. and like I can feel that empowerment from you when you talk about your own publishing, and then how people are getting published for themselves to you and you're helping people at that. I mean this is huge. I just really need to acknowledge it.


JR: Thank you. Yeah, like it really changes people's lives and it's strange, it sounds I always feel a little bit strange to say that in eight weeks, I'll change your life. because I don't want to be some sort of weird tech tech bro guru guy that's like, take my course it'll change your life.


But what I see from people is it's really beautiful, and I love my job. So thank you and I'm glad that it's translating because because it's great and it's really fun for me to help people tap into who they are. And it's funny for you to say that it's very emotional because someone who's taken the course has called fired at Friday free therapy and I'm not a therapist, but I have a lot of experience with the therapy process. So it's an honor that people come to that session and share how they're feeling people cry. People, people get really fired up because we're passionate about changing things and I think people that are drawn to writing are passionate about more importantly leaving their mark on the world. We're here forever. And writing has a way of, of living on after we are gone.


[27:24] VL: So beautifully said and somebody said that. And I do have a question too. So every week, are you writing something new? Or is it taking you eight weeks to write the one essay? I'm assuming it's different for everybody?


JR: Yeah, that's a great question. So the entire purpose of setting up the course, for me initially, was that we press publish every week, except for week one because we come in and we have to kind of acclimatize to this experience.


So people have in a week's published seven pieces. It's super aggressive. And I recognize that so I'm going to, I'm going to step it back a little bit in this next cohort, and I'm going to ask that people publish five pieces. And the reason for that shift is because people are diving into bigger and more powerful topics than ever before. And I think giving people two weekends to sit and work on something like that will benefit them, but it is We set up a Hallo writer calendar and every Wednesday before you come to class, there's a little notification that says press Publish, and then you come to class, so the invitation is there if you want to go for seven. Be my guest.


VL: Amazing. I love that this is so deeply rooted in taking action. And I know that we talked about this before for the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I really, I really feel that magic happens when we are in action. So to be able to, you know, it's scary, but it's also very exciting to hit publish and to be able to to facilitate this and to support people through this with a community on top of your expertise and your compassion is just amazing. So again, super happy for that. Speaking of action, is there anything I know we've talked about that the listener can take action on today to get started with their writings?


JR: Yes. Over the break over the last holiday break, I thought long and hard about this and there's lots of free PDF downloads in the world that you can look at and kind of throw in your trash bin afterwards. But I wanted to make something free that actually brings people through the components of the Hello writer program without them having to join the course because it is an investment of time and money. So I have a free challenge that anyone listening can join, it's Hello writer.ca forward slash challenge. I basically took the word WRITE. And it's five days. Five letters in the word WRITE. 


Write a five day challenge. So every day we break down what the acronym of WRITE is. And it's why not you? Inside ideas, template and execution. So inside the five day challenge is exercises that relate to each of those concepts. And I think if you commit to 20 minutes a day, going through those things for the five day challenge, just putting that writing habit in your brain is going to help you get started.

Instagram + Twitter | @juliarosewrites

Medium | https://juliarosewrites.medium.com 


VL: That is incredible. And again, I will link to those in the show notes page. And I really want to encourage the listeners to hop into this five day challenge. I know that I'm going to be signing up for this because it sounds awesome. And we have one more section of the women's apartment podcast However, before we dive into the rapid fire round, I wanted to ask you, is there anything that hasn't been said that you really feel called to share?


JR: I would love to encourage you listening that there is so much possibility on the other side of pressing publish and that just getting through the first 12345 pieces under your name is not the end goal, it's actually just the means to the end which is whatever you want to do with your opinions and your life.


Maybe you want to be featured on podcasts. maybe you want to pitch your work to magazines and publications. Maybe you want to get a different job. maybe you want to start your own business, whatever it is that you want to do, you can't do that if you don't believe in your own ideas and opinions. So just get started and you will have all these new things that you can't imagine.


Rapid Fire Round

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

I just picked up Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson



2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

I think it means to me doing things without knowing for certain what they will look like or deliver and doing them anyways.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

Wow. My longest standing habit. Probably going back into dance classes, just going to drop in dance classes for ever in my life as an adult, taking a break from that but still going back, I went to a dance class last night, or just signing up for class, and going, love that too.


4. What are you currently working toward?

I'm working towards my own apartment. I'm working towards a space that is entirely mine that I can use as I want to create a community for art, it's really important to me, and I want to be able to have a space that's really supportive, that I can post people in.


VL: I love that too. Julia, thank you so much for this conversation. I feel so moved by what you shared and your passion and how fired up you are about your work and about people you help. So I want to acknowledge your course I want to acknowledge you I want to acknowledge your story of taking the lead and doing a thing and pressing publish and how important you and stories like the one that you shared today are for people to hear and for people to kind of connect with you on because you are making huge changes in the world and you are supporting people in really powerful ways. So thank you so much. 


______

Well, if you couldn't already tell by that conversation I was thrilled to be speaking with Julia. And I actually hadn't met Julia before this interview, at least not officially. So what I thought was really cool was I was really easily and really quickly noticing my excitement and my curiosity for her program. So I joined Hello, Writer. So at the time of this recording, hello writer was being launched. However, it is now closed for enrollment and if you are someone who already follows Julia and her journey you'll know that we're not sure when Hello writer will come back around so well. However, I would still love for you to reach out to Julia let her know what you thought about the episode. If you feel called to be a writer or if you're interested in her Hello writer program.


You know, read some of her Medium posts, connect with her and follow her online and start the conversation because that's really how her and I got connected and that's really how I sort of understood the yes in my own body that yes, this is something that I want to do. Yes, for me. This is a step in the direction of a bigger goal. So this is that small step forward.


I'm really enjoying the group so far. We're about halfway through our course together and I've published I think four pieces already. I should check them out. But I'm going to link to everything that you need. In the show notes page. Remember at top Valerie living life.com forward slash Julia. Thanks so much for listening to this episode and I really hope you enjoyed it. If you did love it, please screenshot the episode and take Julia and I on Instagram and let us know what you thought. Or if you're writing if you're inspired to write in your writing pieces and publish them on medium. Let us know also so that we can clap for your piece and highlight some of the points that really stuck out to us. And yeah, I'm just I had to come on here after to say how inspired this conversation was and also how inspiring Julia is. And I'm really glad that I joined Hello writer and there's no affiliate link or anything to this program. I'm just really loving it.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

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E174: BOOK REPORT: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin
 
 

E174: BOOK REPORT: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

NEW! Book Reports: I'm getting back into the habit of reading again and I LOVE sharing some of the great takeaways and learnings with you.

This is a new segment for the show, so I would really appreciate your feedback or book suggestions!


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[01:27] The Four Tendencies

The indispensable personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better (and other people’s lives better, too)

Get the Book Here!


Benefits of knowing your tendency:

  • Use time more productively

  • Make better decisions

  • Suffer less stress

  • Get healthier

  • Engage more effectively with other people


Benefits of knowing other ppls tendencies:

  • More tolerant 

  • Makes it easier to persuade + encourage them + avoid conflict

  • Communication: It’s like speaking their language 



Intro of the four tendencies 

Take the Quiz


[04:20] Upholder

Meets outer expectations

Meets inner expectations 


Strengths:

  • Self starter 

  • Self motivated

  • Conscientious 

  • Reliable

  • Thorough

  • Stocked to a schedule

  • Want to understand and meet expectations 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Defensive

  • Rigid

  • Often struggle when plans or schedule changes 

  • Can seem humourless and uptight

  • Uneasy when rules are ambiguous or undefined 

  • Impatient when others need reminders, deadlines, supervision, or discussion 

  • Demanding 

  • May become anxious about obeying rules that don’t even exist 


[07:45] Questioner

Resists outer expectations

Meets inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Data-driven

  • Fair-minded (according to their own judgement)

  • Interested in creating systems that are efficient and effective 

  • Willing to play devil's advocate

  • Comfortable bucking the system if it’s warranted 

  • Inner-directed

  • Unwilling to accept authority without justification 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Can suffer analysis paralysis 

  • Impatient with what he or she sees as others complacency

  • Crackpot potential

  • Unable to accept closure on matters that others consider settled if questions remain unanswered

  • May refuse to observe expectations that others find fair (eg traffic regulations) 

  • May resist answering others questions 


[09:36] Obliger

Meets outer expectations

Resists inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Good boss, responsive leader, team player

  • Feels great obligation to meet others’ expectations

  • Responsible

  • Willing to go the extra mile

  • Responds to outer accountability


Possible weaknesses:

  • Susceptible to overwork and burnout

  • May show the destructive pattern of obliger-rebellion

  • Exploitable

  • May become resentful

  • Has trouble saying no or imposing limits


[11:06] Rebel

Resists outer expectations

Resists inner expectations


Strengths:

  • Independent-minded

  • Able to think outside the box

  • Unswayed by conventional wisdom

  • Willing to go his or her own way, to buck social conventions

  • In touch with his or her authentic desires

  • Spontaneous 


Possible weaknesses:

  • Likely to resist when asked or told to do something

  • Uncooperative

  • Inconsiderate

  • Has trouble accomplishing tasks that need to be done consistently, the same way, every time

  • Acts as though ordinary rules don’t apply

  • Restless; may find it difficult to settle down in a job, relationship, city

  • Struggles with routines and planning

  • May be indifferent to reputation


Applying the Tendencies to My Coaching Business


[14:40] When clients are struggling sticking to their healthy habits, I ask them to take the free quiz and let me know what the results are. The answer is almost always that they are a rebel. JUST KNOWING this about themselves usually takes the pressure off because it’s their natural tendency. I noticed this a lot in our 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge because some people had trouble being consistent where a lot of other people in the group were sticking to their habits.


As a questioner, I feel good about working with rebels, where some coaches may feel frustrated. I will usually pose my suggestions as questions so that the response or the idea or the DECISION is theirs. So I might say: 

“Have you considered trying X?” 

“ What would you think about Y?”

“Some people have found Z works for them.”

“Some ideas for you to consider are X, Y, Z”

And I usually finish with “if you want.” 


My goal is always to provide them with the information, consequences, and then the choice. It will always be their choice, and truth be told I gave up trying to change people a long time ago. I always feel this way, but I notice it more when I’m working with rebels, here’s what I’ve learned from being an investigator and a questioner. I’ve done the research and this is the data take it or leave it. But not everyone I work with is a Rebel. Wouldn’t that be entertaining.


The opposite of the Rebel is the Upholder. And I’ll be honest, Upholders are super easy to work with because they readily meet outer expectations. One of the things I notice most is that they have trouble shifting or changing big routines or very set routines quickly. So oftentimes we build out new habits, and swap bad habits with new habits slowly, one by one. It’s also important that they receive accolades of how great of a job they’re doing so this is something that I make an effort to highlight more.


The biggest struggles with Upholders may surprise you. It might be challenging for them to be “dealing with” the people around them not getting on board with their new changes, so this is where when we’re in a coaching session we come back to what’s important, and how we can find patience with others and communicate WHY this is important to them. Because not all Upholders live together ahahaha so I help them with these different dynamics.


Obviously I’m biassed to Questioners because I myself am a Questioner. Now in the book, Rubin says that Questioners don’t like to be questioned, which is sometimes true… I also appreciate the inquisition because to me that means the Questioner is curious and does want to go deeper. When a Questioner isn’t asking questions it usually means they’ve already made the decision.


With Questioners we put high value on research and intentions and information. Throwing out any rules around timing and focusing on what matters most to them. Knowing that Questioners don’t like to be questioned I stick to only a few key questions in a session, and usually do a lot of mirroring back to them and reminding them of what they’ve already decided or deemed important. Sometimes the Questioner needs confirmation or extra data to support their ideas and that helps them get into action. Especially since Questioners can experience “analysis paralysis.” Which means decision making usually takes place in the coaching sessions and I always give my clients a next step or action plan before getting off a call.


Lastly, the Obliger client. Obligers are actually the most common of all the tendencies. Since they readily meet outer expectations, in general they will take my advice and put a high value on meeting the commitments I’ve suggested in our coaching and working together. Knowing this about my client, I will highlight deadlines to help them keep them accountable. With the accountability, my 1:1 clients and I meet weekly, and the membership clients meet every other week as a group. 


With the membership group, each month we assign accountability partners. This gives them community and accountability with a new person every month. What’s really important for me to understand as a coach, when it comes to Obligers is that they may be putting someone else’s expectations before our coaching or there may be someone who could be exploiting them and this will cause frustration, burnout, and feelings of resent, which can also lead to Obligers becoming more rebellion. So not only will the check-in points/calls be for following up on tasks and how the habit building is going, but it will also be for checking in to see how they’re feeling and balancing any pressures that feel too big or overwhelming.


Although I did have my suspicions about how relevant this book would be – which Rubin calls us Questioners out for this – I do find the book to be very helpful in understanding myself, my clients, and also others around me in my business who haven’t hired me for health coaching. 


I recommend reading this book for anyone who loves any type of personality quiz or test, or personal development. It’s always interesting to learn more about yourself and even if you don’t use this in your business, you will learn something new about you or the people around you.


In business this is also extremely helpful if you are part of a team or work with other humans. I feel so much more patient with my team members and clients knowing these tendencies. 


I am dying to know what your tendency is! Take a screenshot of this episode and share your tendency with me on instagram @vallavignelife – or let me know if you’ve read this book already, and how you’re applying or using it in your life!


21 Day Challenge LINK HERE

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
E173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact in Only 21 Days
 
 

E173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact in Only 21 Days

Listen and learn how seven women created small and simple habits that lead to powerful transformation and impacted their lives in only three weeks…


Leave a review on Apple Podcasts

[00:28] At the beginning of this year we launched our first ever Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge and over 75 people signed up! For 21 days we supported one another in building out a new habit or elevating an existing habit.


There was SO MUCH going on in the 21 days with many different people, and lots of different habits being formed. There was such a community being formed over the three weeks and it was incredible to watch so many people build, support, and elevate their lives with small actions every day.


Before the challenge had even finished people inside and outside the challenge were asking about how to join the next one! We will be hosting another 21 day challenge in early April this year. I’ll link to the waitlist/sign up form in the show notes.


Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habits Challenge

www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 


I thought it would be a fun idea to share some of the experiences of the challenge members on the podcast with you. Of course I couldn’t get all 75+ challengers on the show, but I did manage to have seven of the members share their words, and help take you, the listener, behind the scenes into the 21 Day Challenge.


The very first part of the challenge actually started on Day 0, the day before the 21 days. Before the challenge, I sent everyone a link to a shared Google Doc where we filled in our name, feeling word and habit(s) for the 21 days. Right away I wanted the members to understand that the goal wasn’t perfection, it was getting closer to that ‘feeling word’ every single day.


Here are some of those challenge members sharing their feeling words and habits…


Gaby: Hello, my name is Gabby, and the healthy habits I chose for the 21 Day Challenge was walking in nature for 45 minutes a day. And my feeling words were grounded and energized.


Kaitlin: My name is Kaitlin. My intention for the 21 day challenge was to feel energized and present, and the habits I was committing to wear daily walks, daily movement and loading my screen time, as well as being in bed by 10:30 every night.


Rae: Hi, my name is Rae. My feeling words were focused and peaceful and I decided to try to meditate daily. And then I also layer on intention setting for the 21 days.


Ingrid: Hi, my name is Ingrid Deon. My feeling word for the 21 days was strong and my daily habits were daily yoga practice as well as staying hydrated.


Milica: Hi my name is Milica. My feeling word for the 21 day habit challenge was invigorated. And my habits were to drink two litres of water a day and to work on my physiotherapy exercises.


Kaylie: My name is Kaylee Kreatrix checks and my feeling word was optimized. I decided to wake up early, meditate daily and try intermittent fasting for the first time.


Suzanne: Suzanne Zupan for the 21 day habit challenge my feeling word was resilience and strong.


[04:35] Throughout the challenge I was able to connect with each member personally and they kindly shared their experiences with me. What I thought was so powerful was hearing where they were before the challenge started and being able to witness and hold space for their growth and transformation within this three week container.


Gaby: I decided to do this challenge because at the time I was feeling very unmotivated and heavy in my body. And I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to change that mindset and change those feelings. So when this opportunity came up, I decided to jump on it.


Kaitlin: Before I began the 21 day challenge I was feeling a little bit stuck and just kind of like my days were revolving around my new baby and I kind of lost my own care routine. So I was just feeling a little bit depleted.


Rae: Before the challenge, I was feeling a little overwhelmed, maybe a little bit lost as well. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life.


Ingrid: Before starting the challenge, I was really excited about it energetically. And I felt before that I could use a lot more physical exercise and also noticed that I would go quite long periods of time without drinking a lot of water. So I was really excited to hopefully add some new habits to my daily life


Milica: Before starting the challenge, I was feeling inspired but energetically I think I was quite low, I think partially because it was winter time. I mean, it still is and it was sort of that slump that I feel usually after the holidays. So that's partially why my feeling word was invigorated because I wanted to up my energy levels a little bit.


Kaylie: Before starting the challenge I was experiencing a bit of difficulty getting back into my daily routine. So you still have a really good routine. And yeah, I fell out of it. And I was feeling like I was struggling to get back into it.


Suzanne: Energetically before starting the challenge. I was at a low point. I wouldn't say the lowest point in my life, but a really heavy time coming after Christmas, dealing with feelings of grief and situational depression and very low on energy, low on self esteem.


[07:34] I hosted the challenge through email and instagram. Email was a weekly check-in reminder and instagram was daily posts and stories sharing what the group was experiencing throughout the 21 days, as well as some tips for forming habits.


I also created a digital tracker that participants had the option of using during the 21 days and/or sharing to their instagram stories. This tracker had 21 squares in a grid that they could check off each day or add in a GIF or make their own. It was a tool to support them with accountability. I asked the participants to tag me in their stories so that I could see their habits and progress and cheer them on throughout the 21 days.


When I was connecting with the participants I really noticed the change in their expressions and their voices as the challenge went on; as they started to build consistency and momentum with their habits. I was so blown away by their connection to each other and the support they shared. The accountability went beyond the daily tracker and into more group connection and community. It was probably one of my favourite pieces of the challenge. I wanted to know what they loved most about the Elevate Your Life 21 day Healthy Habit Challenge…


Gaby: So I took away quite a few little nuggets from this challenge. But my favourite part was that this challenge motivated me or pushed me to do the hard thing, which often days it was minus 20. And, you know, I wasn't really feeling like going outside for a walk, but I did anyway. And while I was out there walking, I felt so good and so proud and so happy that I was committed. I was committing myself to this challenge, but I was also reaping so many benefits. I was embracing winter, I was getting out in nature, and I was just physically feeling the benefits from committing to this challenge.


Rae: My favourite part of the challenge was support from Val, obviously, but also from the community that had been brought together through the challenge. And then also through my posts, created conversation with people in my own circle, which was just such an amazing opportunity to talk about what I was doing, why I was doing it and how it was helping.


Ingrid: My favourite part about the 21 Day Challenge was the accountability. I think it's really hard to stick to a habit if you don't have that accountability and having, you know, thinking about having to post you know, the grid, saying whether I had done my habit that day. That was a great sense of accountability and really kept me going.


Milica: My favourite part of the 21 Day Challenge was I would say I have two parts. I think one of it is obviously the accountability and just being able to check in with somebody pretty much daily and have that motivation from Valerie and also the community as a whole to just continue going and you know, have the support to even like recalibrate my goal if needed not to feel so bad about it.


And then the other part was just the community aspect of being able to connect with people and talk about things that are a little bit deeper than the everyday that I think also was a really supportive aspect in making me feel less alone in trying to get to my habit goal.


Suzanne: Favourite part about the 21 Day Challenge was basically the accountability. I know that we didn't have to post every day but posting every day made the habit easier. and the connection with the group members who I had never met. It was really nice to connect with people through social media, and have a more positive connection to social media.


[11:58] I’ll be honest, I was a little worried at the very beginning of the challenge because there were multiple new habits for each person and when I’m working one-on-one with a client, we really focus on building one or two habits at a time. 


That being said, I did not encourage anyone to change their habits or narrow their list down, instead I really had them focus on their feeling word. Again, it was less about doing the habit every single day, and more about showing up every day with the energy of that feeling word, even if we didn’t do the actual habit, we were creating new neural pathways to create those elevated feelings and an elevated life by planting seeds over the 21 days. 


One of my goals for the challenge was to demonstrate the impact that a small action can have. The reason why I prefer to build one habit at a time is because it’s easier to change ONE thing than it is to make multiple changes and since it’s easier we are more likely to be consistent and build confidence and therefore continue with our habits. 


The impact really happens when we show up consistently.


Gaby: this challenge, also reawaken the part of me that actually loves to challenge myself. And I haven't been doing that for the past two years. So when I was out for one of those minus 20 walks, I thought even if I just get around the block, it's good enough. But once I got my butt out there, I was committed and focused and said no, I am doing this full walk 45 minute walk and after I did, I was so proud. And it just kind of lit a little bit of a fire inside of me again.


Kaitlin: I think the part of the challenge that impacted me most was my daily walks. That was something I was used to doing before I had my child and so getting back to that really felt like uplifting and just getting outside every day really helped my mental health and my attitude towards the day.


Rae: Meditation itself is by far the thing that made the biggest impact. But it was also the fact that I was accomplishing this goal. And it felt like I was I felt like I was accomplishing it so easily. And so it was like one success just inspired another. I came out of the challenge feeling so accomplished. And it gave me the confidence that I could take on another new healthy habit and just continue building.


Milica: I would say the biggest impact during the 21 days was it was really just seeing how even a little bit of consistency goes a really long way. I think after the 21 Day Challenge ended I really wanted to keep going with the water intake goal that I had, and that it's actually quite easy to create a habit. It's just that the problem is starting which is always the most difficult part for me.


So being able to even create really small goals and trying to if it's too big of a goal trying to readjust it. That was really impactful for me and seeing that I don't have to be 100% all of the time in order to feel good and like to achieve something it's just the trying that really matters.


Kaylie: The challenge that impacted me most was discovering intermittent fasting. It was something I'd heard about, but I hadn't ever tried out and just having that support group to really dive into it completely changed my life and I am for sure continuing this habit for a long time.


Suzanne: The challenge that impacted me most was discovering intermittent fasting. It was something I'd heard about, but I hadn't ever tried out and just having that support group to really dive into it completely changed my life and I am for sure continuing this habit for a long time.


And I think that had the biggest impact over the three weeks because it had a trifecta effect on me.


By being kinder to myself. I also started eating healthier and just putting more energy into positive habits like working out and again like getting more sleep and just being kinder to my body both mentally and physically.


[16:59] Hearing how each unique person and their specific habits has impacted them in only three weeks gives me chills! I know the power of habits and I’ve seen how small actions can impact our lives over and over again, but it never ceases to amaze me how powerful and transformational habits really are.


Most of the time the healthy habits we set are REALLY easy! They are so easy to do, but they are also easier to not do. And this is because we are already in other habits that are automated so this new habit starts to form in a new part of our brain and it is not yet automatic. However, with the combination of setting a goal, attaching it to a feeling, joining an accountability group, sharing your success and progress, and checking into the community, and to myself you’ve got a really incredible formula for success. 


I know that in 21 days you will learn more about yourself, your goals, and you will even notice some surprises in three short weeks!


Gaby: I also love the accountability part of this challenge. You know, getting creative and posting my pictures of nature or being out in nature every day was was fun and really part of the challenge I enjoyed


Kaitlin: what surprised me about the challenge was I didn't feel overwhelmed by committing to these habits I felt like they really helped me to enjoy every day and to feel more energized and also like I could just tackle each day with a little bit more calm and clarity


Rae: what surprised me most was, I hate to say this, but it was almost how easy it became a daily habit. So quickly. It went from being something I had to get done to something I was craving to do. And I couldn't even imagine going a day now without doing it because it's something that has stayed with me. Since the challenge I knew almost immediately that this wasn't going to be something that I gave up after 21 days. So it was really just easily becoming an actual part of my my daily routine.


Ingrid: I hadn't done daily yoga practice for quite a while, like several years. So it was a lot of fun to get back into that and kind of surprised me that it was as easy as it was. And something really great that happened was that my boyfriend joined me in daily yoga practice and, you know, he's done some yoga in the past, but it's not one of his favorite activities. However, every night and when we did it after supper every night after we did yoga, he would always thank me and always said how great it made him feel. Even though he really didn't want to do it before we started.


Milica: ​​I think what surprised me in the habit challenge was how I tend to actually have quite lofty goals for myself at the beginning, but I really surprised myself in the amount of grace I gave myself and how I was able to adapt and readjust my goal according to how I was feeling because I know that sometimes depending on what the goal is, it's it's connected to how I'm feeling that particular day. So for example, my goal was to do my physiotherapy exercises. I didn't keep up with that one. That much because I just wasn't really feeling my best and I allowed myself that period of grace to just, you know, readjust what I was doing and try and focus on my other goal and that way I have a bigger sense of accomplishment even accomplishing the one thing


Kaylie: I was surprised about how easy it was to just change small things in my daily routine to create big impacts. And like big changes or taking on new habits doesn't have to be a big change. It's just finding those little things to alter and I know Val talks about it all the time, but I really experienced it during the challenge and that really surprised me. And yeah, it was a great pleasant surprise and I'm happy to have felt the effects of just those small changes in the right places.


Suzanne: What surprised me about working on my healthy habits in the challenge was how easy it was to do each day. And then to build on that as well. So, again, by starting off the day, being kinder to myself saying something positive to myself that I would carried through the day. And if there was something that became a bit of a challenge. It was easier because I was already in a better mindset. It was easier to handle that challenge and not be defeated immediately. It was easier for me to work ideas into my head to work through the challenge or solutions for the challenge were prior to the healthy habit challenge. I was probably more inclined to just be defeated right away.



[22:51] What healthy habit are you going to create and show up for for our next 21 day challenge? Are you already thinking about the daily actions? The feeling word for the three weeks? I hope so! 


No matter where you are currently in life: feeling depleted, unmotivated, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, stuck, or perhaps you are feeling inspired and excited to make a change in life…


The Elevate Your Life 21 Day Health Habit Challenge is an excellent place to start in creating and maintaining your new habits.


Currently the challenge is FREE to join and I am so thrilled to be offering this second round as we ease into this new spring season!


If you are ready to join us please go to VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/CHALLENGE and sign up today! Our upcoming challenge starts April 6th however there will be more challenges in the future if you’re listening to this post spring – use the same link and join us for future rounds!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!
 
 

E172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

If you’ve ever felt rebellious against structure, or rolled your eyes when someone tried to tell you about discipline, then this podcast episode is for you.

It’s also for you if you desire freedom. If you have an idea of an abundant future and you are ready to step into your power and embody that best version of yourself.


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Age of Aquarius


[00:48] For those of you who don’t already know this about me, I am an astrology enthusiast. My grandmother got me into it and would read me my horoscope in the paper everyday. I grew up discovering more resources for astrology and learned all about my natal chart and the different planets and signs within this chart. I even sprinkled some astrology into this podcast, like two weeks ago, and the episode about the new moon.

Episode 170: New Moon Rituals


Okay so what does this have to do with this episode? Well my friends, I am an Aquarius Sun, and Aquarius is not afraid to break rules. Aquarius is the rebel of the zodiac signs and they are driven by freedom. They are unpredictable, do things in their own way, and strive for improving systems and communities. 


Growing up, I felt very aligned with this. I embraced my rebellious nature - perhaps a little too much at times. But I fought against pre-built systems and structure and rules all. the. time.


It wasn’t until my early twenties when I heard someone say, “discipline equals freedom.” I think my eyes rolled so far back into my head I wasn’t sure if they’d be stuck there.


After hearing that phrase I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and so I wondered if discipline could bring me to where I desired. Because how it was going at the time… well that wasn’t really working out for me. Back then I was flying at the seat of my pants every day. Some days were wild and wonderful and fun. But most days left me feeling lost and confused and not anywhere near “freedom.” 


So I decided I was going to test the discipline equals freedom theory and like any Aquarius, I was going to do it in my own way. It was around the same time I was really diving into personal development and reading all these great books on habits, mindfulness, marketing, confidence, and so much more. 


I created a daily routine that included making my bed, eating a healthy breakfast, movement exercises (sometimes weights at the gym, sometimes hot yoga), journaling, and setting up my three to five small goals for the day.


This morning routine was vague enough for flexibility and freedom within the schedule, and specific enough to help me achieve goals in my health, wealth, and happiness. I could eat whatever I wanted for breakfast but it had to be healthy by my standards. Movement became more specific as I learned more about what my body wanted and craved. The journaling was about 3 minutes, maybe 5, I would answer a question every morning that I pulled from a list of “questions for self discovery” or something like that. And my three to five goals for the day helped me be more intentional in my day and focus on three to five tasks of whatever I wanted/felt like.


This was YEARS ago, so I’m not sure exactly how long it took to implement, but I can tell you that I still do some of these things every morning without fail! Of course the routine has evolved a bit, as my life and schedule have changed too, but I am a lot more intentional and a lot of people are surprised by my multi-coloured and full calendar. Whenever I get asked, “how do you have time to do all these different things?” My answer is, “I make the time.” or “I have clarity on my priorities” or “I set healthy boundaries” 


Discipline is the Act of Building Trust with Ourselves


[06:30] Although in the past I have been resistant to schedule and discipline, I understand now how powerful discipline is, and how beautiful boundaries are. 


To me, discipline is the act of building trust with ourselves. It’s not about following arbitrary rules or punishment for disobeying someone. It’s about making a promise to yourself and keeping that promise. It’s about doing what you said you were going to do. It’s about self worth. 


We are worthy of freedom. We are worthy of our desires. We are worthy of achieving our goals. But we aren’t going to get there without a plan of action. And most times that action requires setting boundaries.


Take Action: The Audit


If you are someone who wants to build in boundaries, but isn’t sure where to start… or you want more time in your week to doing things that bring you joy, here is your next step: Get out a notebook and a pen, or track on your phone notes, what you do every single day and how much time it takes you for three to seven days. Everything. 


I know, I know… you want more time and this exercise sounds like it’s going to take up all of your time, but I’m telling you it is going to change your life!


From when you wake up, to when you go to bed you are going to audit your time for a minimum of three days, and a maximum of seven. (TIP: If you do three, you can choose three different days, and if you do seven, try doing seven consecutive days).


This audit will reveal the blatant truth about where you’re really spending your time and energy. If you want a quick preview, turn on screen time and look at how much time you’re spending on your devices/apps. I’m embarrassed to say I spend more than five/six hours a day on a screen.


Build in Beautiful Boundaries


[08:54] Once you’ve collected the data you can build in your boundaries with screen time and any other time spent wasted or inefficient and use that time for anything that brings you joy! 


Here are some of my time/schedule boundaries:

  • I have 1-2 days off every week. Right now this is only one day, and my goal is to get three days off, but I’m in a very busy season with lots of transitioning.

  • My phone goes on airplane mode every night about 30 minutes before I go to bed, usually when I begin my evening routine. It stays on airplane mode until I get out of bed in the morning and go downstairs and start my day.

  • I create my schedule for the month with my hormonal cycle and seasons in mind. The only week to book for podcast interviews is my “summer” season, I keep my “winter” open for lots of white space and creativity time, my “spring” is for strategy and new ideas, and my “fall” is for focusing on details and tying up loose ends.

  • My day is time blocked and if it’s not on the schedule, it’s not getting done. I time block usually a week in advance with my workouts, healthy habits, and then work tasks go in. If I feel overwhelmed by my schedule I block off more time for self care and me time. This is even more important for busy weeks.


I’ve heard some people schedule calls every weekday but only during certain times, and other entrepreneurs only schedule calls one week every month.


My coach doesn’t work on Fridays. She has that day with her daughter and they go on adventures together. 


The day to day or weekly boundaries are important because they offer consistency, but take it from a busy business owner, sometimes we need to create rules for ourselves to maintain healthy relationships with others and with our own businesses.


Entrepreneur Examples


[11:17] An entrepreneur I follow has a rule that he only travels overnight for work once a month for only one-two nights at a time. He doesn’t want to be away from his wife and kids for too long. If he is invited to multiple events in a month, he tries to bring his family with him. If he can’t bring his family, and he’s already committed to an event that month, he declines. 


Another rule for a business owner I follow is his rule of traveling with colleagues or employees. He will not travel alone with a female unless it’s his wife or one of his daughters. If he goes on a trip with a female colleague or employee, he will invite another male on the trip. His reasoning is because he’s seen the negative impacts of men in the industry traveling alone with women, and even if he trusts himself and his colleague, he doesn’t trust the media or the people who may make assumptions.


This year I’m going to take July and August off of my online business. Well I’m going to ease off at least 50%. I’m strategizing now to have batched all my podcast episodes, emails, and membership content.


I will not be recording interviews, I will not be doing coaching calls, and I will be a little more playful on instagram, and posting a lot less. I’ve done this only once before and it was AWESOME, but I guess I didn’t have a plan the following years and… well I wasn’t disciplined enough to make it happen.


Putting it All Together


[13:22] When you’re thinking of your own boundaries and rules, and how to create discipline for your life, I encourage you to first get clear on your priorities. What is important to you in your life? Why is it important? What parts of your business are important to you? Why are they important? What do you want more of? 


Answering these questions, and/or getting clear on your core values will help you better understand what tasks, invitations, and activities are best for you to accept and prioritize. If your goal is financial freedom, then you need to stop trading time for dollars, and start strategizing your systems or passive income methods.


If your core value is family, set those work boundaries and block out that time for family activities or family dinners, or rules like not being away from your family for more than two days at a time.


When you are clear about your core values, your goals, and/or your intentions, these are the things you will prioritize and put first into your calendar. These are the things you say yes to. Anything that doesn’t support this, is going to be a “no thank you.”


If freedom is your core value… what life are you living, building, creating for yourself where you can feel FREE!? Maybe it starts with sprinkles of daily freedom of white space or surprise Saturdays where you don’t book anything at all. And then the other days you’re building that pipeline for financial and time freedom so most days can be full of surprises and adventure. 


Bring those core values into your days by becoming disciplined to them. Build out your boundaries so that there is no excuse to not experience joy or spend time with your family. Prioritize you/your goals/your values as often and consistently as possible. 


Screenshot this episode, share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know what boundaries, priorities, and rules you are implementing into your life and business.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love
 
 

E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love with Emmy Rousseau

Whenever I get to chat with someone about elevating ourselves and bringing more joy to our lives, I am automatically ascended into a higher frequency of joy + love. I hope you feel the same after tuning into this wonderful conversation with Emmy Rousseau and I…


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Books Mentioned in this episode:

Robin Sharama - 5 Am Club
Emily Fletcher - Stress Less Accomplish More 
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love

[01:26] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to introduce you to a very good and new friend of mine. I mean, me and I met at a wellness retreat probably a few months ago. Now I want to say like six months ago at the time, four months ago, something like that. And we kind of became like fast friends, I would say we connected over this weekend, retreated, and then we started talking more online. We went out for a walk together. A really freezing cold walk. But I've loved how our friendship has cultivated over these few months. And I wanted to just say that because I thought it was really important. And I wanted to show my gratitude for you. So welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast.



[02:16] Emmy Rousseau: Thank you so much. I too like that I'm grateful to be here. I knew that amazing podcast but I'm more way more grateful for the friendship that we have started cultivating and it's been so just free flowing and awesome and grateful to be here.


VL: You’re so very welcome. What I love about how and I think this is why we became fast friends is because we do have a lot of overlapping offerings or kind of interest I guess. We both teach fitness, we both talk about holistic healing and one of the really big conversations that we often have is about self care and about prioritizing ourselves. So I love to just dive into this topic today and maybe you can start us off with that.


ER: Absolutely. Yeah, I'm like my pillars are self love, joy and gratitude and they're really all about serving yourself right but not in so many people have that whole like, oh, self care is selfish or self love is selfish. And I just want to like no, it's actually the opposite of self image.


Because when you do love yourself first, then you can fill your cup and it can overflow and you can serve others better than when we try to tie ourselves out and go from like the bare minimums and put ourselves last on the list and then we don't actually serve anybody. Well, like nobody. I mean, even if you talk like we both are fitness instructors, and if you thought about do you want to go and take a class with a fitness instructor who is fit, where our fitness instructor who has to stop every half song, and like take five breaths and take some water and then you're gonna want somebody who's fit and that's because they take care of themselves and their fitness and that's why they can lead you in that they can serve you and fitness better, because they are also fit. And it's the same. It's anything like we can easily see. You don't want somebody who's and that doesn't mean you have to be a certain body size. By the way when I say fit. It's not at all what I mean but you still have to have a level of fitness that you could leave this fitness class.


You don't want to go to fitness class or somebody who's just totally out of shape and can't they do well. Same thing when we're serving and leading other people everywhere in our lives, whether it's our kids, our co workers or employees or friends. If we want to be of service then we need to be our best selves.


[05:02] VL: Exactly, I like to think of it as like really strong leaders leading by example. It's not a do as I say not as I do. It's here. This is me actually putting in the work. And the other thing you said that I think people forget about because it's such a cliche is filling your cup first. So I've been really working on this because I want to be able to express the importance of filling your cup versus other people. So this is what I came up with and I want to entertain you today. So you're like Bring it on.


Okay, so I love champagne and Prosecco and all things probably. And when I think about is, you know the champagne glasses and glass and you see those champagne towers and so you've got one glass at the top and then you have four below that and then eight below that, and then it keeps going and it's exponential, how many champagne glasses coupe glasses you can have. And so I imagine that you're at the top of your tower, your champagne tower, and the champagne is pouring into you. And when that cup overflows and then goes into for more, or four more classes or four more people and then the growth just becomes exponential as like the more you pour into your craft, the more people you can serve. And those are the people who depend on you. Those are the people who are holding you up and you are holding them up by letting yourself be full, letting your class people let your copy flow and letting it pour onto others and you don't deplete yourself. I think sometimes or at least I thought this is I would fill up my cup and then I pour my cup into others but no you want to overflow your cup so that there is an abundance, of energy of love of joy of all of the things to to get people into the space that they need to so that was my or that is my new way of looking at the filling your cups. I hope you enjoyed it.


[07:10] ER: I think that is such a good visual because people know that if you only filled the champagne glass half the rest of the bottom aren't getting anything, you know, it just would stop right? That's what would happen with the champagne example. So it's such a perfect visual for people and nobody says, Oh yeah, stop filling that top champagne glass half it's already half full. We can drink from that and it'll be fine. Like, well, how far are you getting in pouring into those other cups that even if he did that, not very far so. 



VL: Absolutely. And highlighting what you said. It's not selfish to put yourself first. This is huge when we talk a little bit more about that?


ER: Oh yeah, because I think it's something that so many people have a hard time with and I did it for years and years. I was that. Oh, what does it matter if I don't get enough sleep or it doesn't matter? If I miss my workout? As long as I'm there for other people. That's what it is. And now I've shifted that in my life and it's not always easy to to shift that because some people who are used to you serving from your cup half full and giving more than you have to give will start to think like, are you putting yourself above us like what's going on here? And one of my kids recently said that to me. He said I can see how you would think that. Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that to me. This is not the case. This is me being my best self so I can actually be better for you. And my daughter said it best when I was a part of the 5am club like years ago. It was amazing. I was on my A game and then I dropped off. And then she said to me one day you know you're so much better than when you were a 5am club girl. I like even a teenager could notice that. You know something? Because you know teenagers are naturally egocentric in their own world. They're concerned about their own friends. That's where they should be. So if your teenager notices that you were a better person, when you were filling the 5am Club is all about filling your own cup first 100% before anybody else is awake for the day, you are starting and so now like my morning routine is the probably most important thing to me in my whole day. The days I don't do it are the days that I have crappier days and they know it and the days I do it I'm feeling amazing, and then I can absolutely show up amazing for everyone else. 


[09:37] VL: That's huge. And for other people to notice that around you is also just confirmation and that's why filling your cup is so important. Putting yourself first is so important. Would you be open to sharing your morning routine with us and taking us through that? 


ER: I would love to. So I did start with the formula of the 5am Club which is like Robin Sharma if you don't know him, he's an awesome Canadian author. Everybody should check him out. I love him. But it has evolved a little bit. So for me now what I do is I start my day with either breathwork or meditation. Right now I'm doing the Wim Hof Method Course where it's just like, for me, I'm all about the breath work, but getting into the cold shower. It was very challenging for either of you and whenever you walked but actually you were one of the people that inspired me to do it. So thank you for that.


So I'll start with his breath work and then I jump into the cold shower and then I will have meditation. Oh, so that's part of the whole thing. And then I do my five minute journal. That's a huge thing for me, starting my day with intention and gratitude is such a game changer as well. Such a mood changer. I feel like gratitude is one of the fastest ways to just boost your mood. So starting that way is awesome. And 20 minutes of reading, and at least 20 minutes of exercise. It usually ends up being half an hour because I often have one of my classes in the morning but so that's what my morning Oh and I forgot one important piece. I also visualize my day for 10 minutes. So I look at my calendar, what do I have on for the day? And then I just bang bang, bang, bang bang, like what's it going to be like? And I imagine it, how it's going to feel amazing, how it's all going to go great whether it's a super exciting business meeting I'm thinking about or a difficult conversation with a loved one. I picture it going as well as it possibly can. Everybody is feeling good. And nine times out of 10 It goes way better when I visualize it. Then when I skip that, that piece.


That’s my morning routine.


[11:56] VL: That’s amazing!  I love that. That is such a really wonderful way to connect to so many different parts of you and I love that you're doing something that's super out of your comfort zone with the cool chairs. I know this is somewhat new to your morning routine and it is a bit of a shock but it's also one of those things where you are overcoming something so huge and starting your day with something that makes you feel invincible. I mean, I know I've only done one cold.


I'm not doing that every day but I might be convinced.


So that is so amazing. I feel like you have a lot of different practices, a lot of different kinds of, I guess tools in your toolkit and you've already shared that this morning routine has evolved for you in the last little while. So for people who are listening, you're thinking no I really like some of the things that you shared. What would be your wisdom to people who want to start their own work routine or who want to create their own self care practice? Where do we begin with all of these different practices and tools?


ER: Begin small first of all, do not think like this morning routine takes me probably an hour and a half most days and I'm lucky that I'm at the stage of life where I don't have little kids. So it's easy for me to get up an hour and a half earlier and even when they get up like they're doing their own thing but a recognize where you're at and where you're starting from. And just pick one little thing to start with so maybe you're only getting up five or 10 minutes early. I have read so much about her getting up an hour early. So he and such a game changer. But I never recommend people start there because it's really hard to shift your body just to like, oh, okay, I used to wake up at seven. I'm gonna wake up at six 6am comes and your alarm is like and you're like, Heck no, I am not doing that. And you snooze and then you feel like you're a failure and then you're just not setting yourself up for success. So making it small and manageable where you would I'm going to start with gratitude, I can write three things. I'm grateful for waking up and maybe three intentions for the day. That will take me less than five minutes. So all I need to do is set my alarm for five minutes before and whatever the one tool that you're hear about that really sounds like oh, that's the one I want to try. That's the one you should try because you're most drawn to it. You're most likely to follow through with it. Once that becomes a habit for you. Then you can have it stack and add a new thing to it and build it up to whatever and your morning routine. Maybe it will be 20 minutes max, maybe it'll be half an hour max. Maybe it will be an hour like you'll see what fits into your life and what feels good once it's there. But build it slowly. I think that's so important.


[14:45] VL: Yeah, absolutely. That's a really great point.


​I like what you said about which one sounds good or which one feels good for you and which one is sparking some sort of curiosity. Start with that one. Because when we start with the things that excite us as well, we're more likely to do them. And then by picking something smaller, choosing something small and starting there. We are beginning to create this confidence and this momentum with ourselves because we're one more excited to do it too. We actually do it because it's attainable and realistic to do. and then we're like, Hey, I took a cold shower today. That's awesome. Hey, I took a cold shower three times this week. Oh, that's amazing. Oh my goodness. I took a cold shower every single day this week. and then we just start to keep building up on those wins.


And well, at the time of this recording, we're still in the 21 Day Challenge. However, when this podcast comes out, we wouldn't have been done the 21 day challenge and I wanted to quickly chat about this because we are on the topic of habits now but something that has come up for you a lot in this challenge is recognizing like you said where you are and that starting point but not only the starting point but recognize where you are throughout your journey. And I love how you've been talking about giving yourself grace and this positive self talk of even if you did enjoy 100% Today, you still showed up for yourself. So maybe let's chat a little bit more about this and how you have come to this place of really honoring what you need. How do you know what you need? How do you talk to yourself this way? How do you keep going even when you don't have days where you're at 100%?


[16:30] ER: That's been probably the most recent accomplishment or awareness or development for me. It was in December that November I was at a speaking competition. And I hadn't placed and that was fine. It wasn't about that. But all of a sudden it hit me like hold on. I'm really good at helping other people further themselves. Why am I not this good at helping me further myself become so skilled Why am I still so close to my starting line? And I realized I'm being way harder on myself than I would with other people and if someone came to me with an issue like I was having, I would be encouraged to talk to them. Why am I not talking to myself the same way that I would talk to someone else? That's really just becoming conscious of how I speak to myself and saying, no, if I catch myself in that old habit, not going to do that anymore. I'm going to totally just encourage myself and break what would I say to a friend and whatever I would say to the friend that's going to be the kind of compassionate thing and then turn that back on myself. So yes, in this 21 Day habit I have loved that. I have two goals. And before if I did one goal, and I didn't do the other one. It would be like, I'm not meeting my boss. Then this time I was like no, I'm at 50% of my goals because I did one and then I and then as I was talking to you and as I call on a second Actually, I did half of the one goal and the other work fully so that's really 75% Let's just celebrate exactly what I'm doing. And another tool that's really helped me with that was Mel Robbins High Five habit. I find myself in the mirror every day and be like, I got your back girl that has changed my self talk in such a small way but it's made such a big impact. I'm doing it every single day even when I'm not in a moment where I'm feeling low and just automatically getting up high fiber myself and saying I got your back so already my brain said she talks to herself. Alright, so she keeps on that momentum instead of Oh, shucks down to herself. I'm gonna keep on that brought that I think it has really helped to shift that for me.


[18:48] VL: That's such a great point of going back to that.


That high flying habit. I've done this before. I don't even know how it started. I want to say they didn't like the way I was treating myself similarly to you or like you're like oh wow, I did not say something nice about this opportunity. So I would never say that to somebody else. Why on earth am I saying that to myself? And so what I started to do was wink at myself in the mirror when I would walk or buyer pass by reflection or anything like that and I didn't kind of jokingly but kind of for fun. I thought it was something that was like, Yeah, you know, I always get myself it's easy to do it simple and having that simplified. Behavior really does help to change the pattern. And it doesn't have to be some sort of crazy ritual where you're journaling about yourself and you have to like to stand in the mirror for an hour, whatever it is, it can be super simple, like a week or a high five. So that's so great that you share that and I'm so glad that you've been on this recent journey of awareness and positive self talk because it's one of the things that I know that I'm really passionate about is like really getting rid of that negative self talk.


This is so helpful.


Can you share some of our tools for people who are listening who maybe are like, I like some of the things that they're saying, but what else can we do to put ourselves first and what are some other examples that we could talk about?


[20:23] ER: Well, I really like it, I'm a simple kind of person so I'd like to keep things simple and practical and easy to do.


VL: Because I'm not the most patient person. So if something's gonna take a long time, I'm probably not going to put in the effort at the beginning. And be because we all have lives that generally here in our society are actually over. Busy, not even just busy, but like, over busy. So who has time to start this big, complicated thing? I'm all about simple, simple, simple. So two of the things that I do in this I really love is scheduling in joy. Time, every day, I don't have to schedule it anymore because now I just automatically do it. But right at the beginning, I still do schedule it, but I don't even have to look at that part of my schedule, because I know that like, okay, right before lunch, I'm gonna have like a five minute dance break because I love to dance. So that's something that brings me joy. Put it in the face. They'd like to take a book into the bathroom because they just needed some quiet time, some alone time to like lock the door in readable time that was their time for them. And finding those like little just 5-10 minutes, sometimes a three minute nugget times to take a breath and bring yourself back to the present and feel better. It's good or anything that brings you joy, and I think it's a little sad that many of us don't even know what brings us joy anymore. So if you happen to be a listener that thinks that like sounds good but what even brings me joy anymore a know you're not alone. I think that's pretty normal these days. And be start to think back to like, what did I love to do as a kid? You know, if you loved to get out and jump in puddles that maybe like going for a walk in nature is going to be one of your things you know, if you love loved, like for me, I love to watch solid gold, which I know now you're too young to know what is even solid gold. It was like the show the dance show today, and I would just imagine I was a solid gold dancer. So it's always been a thing for me, you know, reading or whatever it is that brings you joy, spending time with people, whatever it is that brings you joy and obviously, spending time with people you can't get to someone in five minutes, but you could send somebody a text message unexpected that they don't think you're gonna say something that you were thinking about them and that brings them joy and brings you joy, somebody little ways that we can just do it in micro doses, which is fantastic.


And another thing here now a lot of people are gonna be like me and I know because I was one of them is honestly meditation. I used to think, I cannot meditate as they have tried, it is not for me.


A there's a million types of meditation. It's like the genres of books. So if you haven't found a book you like I'm like try it for time because there's something for everybody. Maybe it's an audio book, maybe it's a genre of books. It's pretty the same as meditation. There's walking meditations, that silent meditation, there's guided meditations, there's like a million things you can do to meditate and really ways to meditate. Just keep trying something to find what works for you. And I read a book. Oh my goodness. Emily Fletcher's book on meditation, Stress Less achieved more is actually designed for high achievers should like this is not for the Tibetan monk who wants to sit on the mountaintop and meditate all day. This is for the busy person who wants to have more stuff. She talks eight chapters about the benefits of meditation. So if you're not if you're not sold, it's a great book to read. And then she gets into the house and she actually recommends to 15 minutes a day, one in the morning. And one like mid afternoon. When I started doing that that afternoon for three weeks I felt nothing or disclosure as I was really do anything. And then one day I had really a conversation with someone on the phone and I was like, Alright, I'm going to meditate now and I came out of that 15 minutes. So calm going from like raging in my head. To Wow, I feel amazing about the day and ever since I've like Alright, got to get that second meditation. And so that's another tool that I use as well. And then my five minute journal, there's also a evening portion. So that helps me to just set my brain right and positive or before I go to sleep.


[24:55] VL: Yeah, and a lot of these practices. I know that you mentioned a few of them already. They don't have to be in the morning. So I know that. I don't know what it is about morning routines. Everyone just wants to have this perfect morning routine and sometimes it can't always be that way. So being able to kind of sprinkle in habits is also very beneficial. So I'm glad that you mentioned that as well. I don't know if I should use Insight Timer for meditation, but I love this app because it has made meditation possible. And I find that I'll just put one on and then sometimes I stumble upon some really great meditation teachers and then I just follow them and I just want to listen to all their meditations. I also got an OURA ring for Christmas. and the aura ring has meditations on it too. And they talk about it as restored in time. So they're really short little meditations, actually different this morning and after you do the recording after you listen to the recording and asked, How do you feel, do you feel the same?'' Do you feel worse to build better or do you feel like, super, whatever, there's like a smiley face so you have to pick. And I, a little bit five minutes this morning but I did. I was like, I do feel better, I do feel a lot better than when I started, just a simple little tool.


EM: I love that you said it was a restorative practice. Lisa Nichols said that rest is the root word of restoration. And if we think about restorative furniture, we love it right? We get this old crappy dresser and then we get it restored and it looks shiny and new and beautiful. We love it. And that's what we want it to look like. It's the same with our bodies. Our bodies need rest to restore. So that's one other thing that I think so often gets overlooked. And if we think of it in that way, most of us don't think of rest as restoring our body, but it is really when our body gets the time to heal because we're not asking it to do a million other things. So that's one of the things that is so, so important, which I think a lot of us downplay, as well.


[27:05] VL: Yeah, I agree. I love that. 


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RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

A Return to Love - Marrianne Williamson


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment is really about taking what you have inside I think and recognizing your strengths and then just letting them shine. If we all let our strengths shrine. We all show up into the world as empowered, and then by doing that we also empower others with that whole champagne ripple effect.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

The longest standing would be the 5am waking up. Yeah.


4. What are you currently working toward?

So many things. I am always working towards just being the best me I can be every day. That's my most important goal is being the best thing I can every single day. And as I realized how mental wellness plays such a big part of that feeling really called to create a community of people who want to play mental wellness a priority in your life so that's something that's been percolating in my head right now. That's the latest and greatest.


VL: That sounds so incredible. Thank you so much for joining me today. This was such a great conversation. I feel like a lot of people will resonate with what you're saying or at least sparks of interest and joy and excitement into everything that you offered. So I really want to just recognize you and your voice and all the things you have to teach and share your wisdom I'm so grateful for our friendship as well. Of course this conversation was great, but it goes too much deeper than that. and I know that we're going to have more conversations that are probably not all being recorded. but yeah, I love I love everything that you said today and I'm excited for all the things that you're working on. So thank you again so much. 


ER: Thank you so much, it was such a pleasure and an honor.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E170: New Moon Rituals
 
 

E170: New Moon Rituals

The New Moon is very much aligned with the season of winter. This is a time of rest and reflection, with dark, cool and quiet qualities. The New Moon, and the week surrounding it is when there is little to no moonlight and the stars twinkle brightly in the sky.

During this phase we may feel tuned into our intuition or feel called to turn inward and access the dream realm. Perhaps we feel less excited about social events and feel more inclined to stay home and visualize the life we want to create. 


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To tap into this new moon power, there are a few different rituals and practices we can implement to make us more open to our intuition and to creative downloads. 


Although this episode releases on a Pisces new moon, these rituals can be used for almost every new moon from today onward. I imagine this to be an episode that we can come back to when the next new moon phase happens and we want to recreate stillness and connect to this powerful energy.



The few days before and after the new moon are the best times to lean into the open energies and to make time to reflect. If you aren’t sure when the next new moon is, you can google it. I like to put the lunar calendar for the year into my planner/schedule so that I know what is happening when and can schedule these rituals or make time for these practices instead of rushing to something last minute.


Remember that this is a beautifully quiet time in the lunar cycle. We want our bodies and minds to feel calm, grounded. This is a very intuitive phase and the more we can connect to stillness, the more open we will be to receiving. In this quiet and stillness, in this void if you will, we will probably feel dark, and empty, and this might feel unknown or uncomfortable. But remember that the new moon IS a time of darkness and emptiness and it’s an opportunity to surrender to this discomfort, step into the unknown and embrace the uncertainty of this space. The more we can lean in and surrender to it, the more clarity we can receive. 


[03:08] 1. Create Sacred Space

What does stillness, darkness, and quiet mean to you? It could be turning off the lights and surrounding yourself with candles or salt lamps. Maybe it’s drawing a warm bath and closing the door to be alone. Or maybe it’s a gentle yoga practice with a long savasana on your mat. 


Creating sacred space means carefully or thoughtfully preparing the physical space you’re in, but also the mental and emotional space too. Before getting into the heart of your ritual, take a few minutes to breathe mindfully, and relax the physical body so you can better connect to your thoughts, feelings, emotions and spiritual self. 


Your space can be minimal or you can bring a number/variety of talismans or charms into the space such as crystals, jewelry, special coins, oracle or tarot cards, books, journals, essential oils, candles, photos, flowers, food, anything you like. 


I usually tap into how I’m feeling and what I would like to include in the ritual and some days it’s a single crystal, other days I lay out a full altar. If you choose to create a large or full altar I encourage you to pick and place everything slowly and mindfully rather than just tossing a bunch of your cool crystals in a pile. Make it special in your own way.


Quick tip: this moon phase as I mentioned before is very quiet and still. However most of us do not live a very quiet or still life. If you are like me and feel restless or mentally overwhelmed before meditation or quiet time, incorporate movement into your ritual before settling in. This could be with yoga, walking, or anything physical to move lingering energy.


[06:20] 2. Set Meaningful Intentions

One of the most important things to do during the new moon (in my opinion) is set meaningful intentions.


1 month: One full lunar cycle is about 28 days, set an intention that you want to embody or focus on for a month.


6 months: The astrological lunar calendar changes often depending on the planets. The zodiac sign the moon is in in the sky changes every 2-3 days. This means there will be multiple moons in pisces, but the next “significant” moon in pisces will be the full moon and this will be later in september, about 6 months away from when this episode comes out. 


This means we can create intentions for the next 6 months and we can revisit to see how we did with keeping them or embodying them in 6 months time.


12 months: The next pisces new moon will be next February or March, in about 12 months. This means we will have completed the astrological lunar cycle as it relates to the new moon phase. My intention for this episode - speaking of intentions - is not to get too deep into the astrology part of the lunar cycles, but I did want to sprinkle this in because when we’re setting our meaningful intentions we want to also set them for the year.


Now you might be listening to this episode and thinking, “well how am I supposed to set a new intention every month for one, six, and twelve months!?” And my answer to you is, keep it simple. Your monthly intention may change each new moon, and maybe you have an intention for the year that you can break down into smaller intentions for each month or for each half of the year.


For example: Maybe your intention for the 12 months is to feel more peaceful in your mind, body, and soul. Breaking this down into a six month goal or intention could be to create a consistent yoga practice. The monthly goals could be: find a studio I vibe with, do one yoga class and one guided meditation each week, and then build off that each month.


[08:29] 3. Start Something New

With the new moon being the start of a new lunar cycle, it’s also a great time to start something new! This energy is all about newness!


  • Create a new habit

  • Start practicing a new skill

  • Connect with new people

  • Say yes to invitations 

  • Join a new community


Not sure where to begin? Well, start by thinking about what you’re most passionate about and go from there. This is the perfect time to embrace the moment, follow the fire, and plant seeds for momentum.


[09:15] Make a Manifestation List

With new moon energy comes manifestation powers! Just like starting something new, we can call in and manifest what we desire to bring into our lives. You can break down your intentions into a list of what you want to attract and go into detail of those intentions.


Let’s use another example: your intention is to attract more clients into your business. What types of clients do you want to attract? How does your relationship with them feel? Describe the onboarding process and the emotions you experience when you meet them and invite them into your business. What kind of community do you want to cultivate? What will your work hours be like? What sort of projects or goals will you and your new clients want to work on? Go deep and write it all out in a list or in a paragraph form if that’s more your style!


Quick tip: write this in the past or present tense rather than future tense. This will help your mind/brain get on the level that has it thinking this has already happened and is very important when manifesting!!


[10:27] 5. Your Own Ritual

I mentioned before that not all my new moon rituals look or feel the same. When we’re tapping into creativity and creating spaciousness and embracing emptiness, it’s really about listening to how that works for you. Perhaps it’s movement or bringing in the elements, perhaps journalling, moving your body with ecstatic dance. Whatever that essence of the new moon means for you, is what you want to create: quiet, stillness, darkness. Let it be fluid, flexible and change each month if that’s what works for you.


If you’re interested in the astrology part of the new moon, check out CHANI APP —> http://chani-nicholas.myshopify.com 

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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E169: Are Your Intentions Helping You or Hurting You?
 
 

E169: Are Your Intentions Helping You or Hurting You?

In this week’s episode we’ll find out if our goals are helping us or are they hurting us? Plus, we’ll learn how to evaluate our current goals, and how to set more meaningful goals for the future!


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For those of you who don’t already know, I’ve been teaching pilates for almost 10 years which is wild and amazing! And I own a reformer pilates studio in downtown Burlington, Ontario called EXHALE PILATES. Reformer pilates is a type of pilates that uses the reformer machine, which is this super incredible piece of equipment that has pulleys and spring tensions that make for a killer full-body workout. Plus it’s super fun and every class is unique and challenging in it’s own way. 

Over the decade I’ve taught all kinds of clients: people who are brand new to the machine, pilates enthusiasts, olympic athletes, clients who need support with physiotherapy, new and expecting moms - you name it!

And whenever I first meet someone in a session, I always ask them the same few questions and the answer to one of the questions I have will tell me whether or not this person will be successful with their goals. 

The question is: What are your goals or intentions for pilates?

Now the answer is different with each person who comes into the studio, however their answer typically falls under two general categories. And this isn’t just for pilates, it’s for all goals.

So let’s adjust the question to better suit you. Ask yourself, “what are my intentions for (fill in the blank for your most recent goals)?

Maybe these are your 2022 goals, or your goals for the quarter/month/week or even goals for the day. What is the intention behind your goal? What is the goal behind your action?

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

Write down, or make a note of your answer. 

The answer will likely fall under either of these two categories: external or internal goals/intentions.

External goals are very common. These will be things outside of ourselves, such as a goal to get a beach body for summer, to make 10k this month or to increase a client list.


The problem with external goals is that they are things we cannot control, at least not directly. There will be many factors affecting these external intentions but they will always be outside of us. The amount of money we make will change every month, our bodies and the way we see ourselves physically will change as well; these are variables. 

A great example I heard was if you were to enter a dance competition and your goal was to win the competition. This is an external goal because the three judges adjudicating you are completely out of your control; the results will be different. The judges will change, the other competitors will change, this is out of your control.

Internal goals are intentions that are within our control. They are more internal. They are the types of goals we want to focus on.

Goals like feeling better in our bodies, being consistent with our healthy habits, showing up as the expert in our business networks, reading 10 pages of a book every day, etc.

With our dance competition example, the internal goal would be to increase or correct footwork, hit the right timing, stretch daily, etc.

If your external goal is to attract more clients, consider implementing internal goals like creating consistent, valuable content. It may not have a direct correlation with your sales, but it is in your control. And depending on where you’re sharing the content, there are a lot of insights you can receive from this that can help you improve your following, email list, reach, and with time and consistency can convert a viewer/follower/subscriber into a paying customer.

Let’s take a look at a few more examples:

Someone coming to pilates with an external goal to get a “beach body for summer.” Our physical health has many limbs I’ll call them. Yes physical fitness and exercise will definitely help to improve physical health, but sleep, hydration, nutrition, self talk are also really impactful limbs of how we look and feel physically. 

The other concern I have for this type of goal is that it isn’t lasting. At the time of this recording, summer is about 4 months away. This means that someone with this goal could be overworking their body to reach a goal for the summer, and then after summer just completely stop their healthy habits. Then after fall and winter, they will cycle back into this external goal and we’ve now created a vicious and unhelpful/unhealthy cycle.

So what can we do? Well, we can create smaller habits that support our physical health such as regular fitness, prioritizing hydration, meditation, going to bed within the same hour every night, cooking the majority of our meals at home, etc.

For business goals that are internal and controllable, focus on creating valuable content - consistently. Perhaps that is a weekly podcast episode, video, or email.

Consistency with your internal goals is the KEY! This isn’t a once a month or once a quarter commitment. The more consistent you can be, the more successful your goals will be. You can’t be hydrated 2 out of 7 days a week. Your body will be constantly catching up with the hydration.

Recently I listened to tens of episodes of a business podcast I really enjoyed and then randomly they stopped making episodes. No explanation, just no more episodes. I’m not sure where to connect with them, or where to consume more of their valuable content. They haven’t published in over a year!? I was honestly really excited to learn more from them and I would honestly love to buy what they’re selling but I don’t even know if they’re selling anything anymore!?

As a consumer of this valuable content I truthfully feel a bit betrayed by this and am now unsure if I want to buy what they’re selling because what if they just stop producing or go MIA in their paid courses. 

Okay, let’s look back at the list of goals we wrote down/made a note of earlier in this episode. Which of the two categories did they fall under? External or internal?

Don’t panic or judge yourself for any external goals on your list. Remember, these are very common. Instead of taking them off your list completely, brainstorm a few internal goals that could support your external goals. Feel free to tap back to rewind this episode for a few of the examples. 

When creating internal goals, here are a few questions to ask to keep you on the right track:

  1. Is this goal/intention within my control?

  2. How can I break this goal/intention down into a smaller/bite-sized habit I can do more frequently (daily/weekly)?

  3. How will I track/measure this goal?

  4. What will help me be more consistent with this intention?

  5. What “big picture” or larger goal does this smaller internal goal support?

I am feeling fired up about these new internal goals and intentions we are creating! Now is the time to TAKE ACTION! Screenshot this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife and share your internal goals with me there! I love meeting the listeners of the show and connecting with you more!

Happy intention and goal setting!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

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E168: Building Trust with Yourself: From Timid to Confident Series
 
 

E168: Building Trust with Yourself: From Timid to Confident Series

A new style than our usual podcast format. I, Valerie LaVigne, am being interviewed. In this From Timid to Confident Summit I share the FULL version of my story.

Thank you Coach Kasia Bradford for holding space and allowing me to share this journey I am on…


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[02:03] Kasia Bradford: Hi, everyone, welcome to from timid to confidence series. I am so excited to introduce you to our guests today. But before we get started My name is Kasia Bradford and I am the host of the series. The series for those of you who are collecting situations that are no longer serving you, and you are ready for your next app level, that big decision you really want to make. But you don't quite feel confident enough to be here.


So the series will bring you amazing stories from amazing people who also were in that spot. At one point in their life. And they will share with you how they tapped into their confidence and allow themselves to make bold moves that have been thriving today. It is our vision that by the end of the series, you will step into your power and make the power decisions that will allow you to create the life that you want to live. So without further ado, I am so excited to introduce our guest today Valerie LaVigne. It's incredible to have you here.


[03:07] Valerie LaVigne: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be part of this summit. This is amazing and I'm very grateful that that you invited me on and that you're doing this because I think it's gonna be really powerful for people.


KS: Yay. We're super proud. Like I said, Valerie, you've got healthy habit mentoring podcaster and I will turn it over to you. Please introduce yourself and share a little bit about your background and what you're up to right now.


VL: Sure, I'd love to so I just said I am Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor. Basically what that means is I help women who are making an impact prioritize their health and their wellness without adding to their already busy schedules because let's be honest, we're all very busy right now.


And I do this so that people can feel great in their body and really show up powerfully for the people who are depending on them. And as you said I'm also a podcaster and I host the Women's Empowerment Podcast. This is all about health and wellness. and happiness. and each week there's a new story or a new little mini training to inspire you and motivate you to take action towards your own goals and your own habits and your own lifestyle.


KS: Awesome.


Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and kind of how you got into doing what it is that you're doing?


[04:00] VL: Yeah, that's a very great question. So my kind of story I guess of how I got to where I am today had to do with a lot of random kinds of situations. But also if I look and trace the common line through it all, it all had to do with health and wellness and just my curiosity for healthy living and yoga. So I'll start very early on which was when I was nine or 10 years old, someone in class said that their dad was able to quit smoking through yoga and meditation. That was the first time I'd ever heard of yoga or meditation before and as soon as they said that I had this really intense I guess gut feeling or just this feeling thinking like I need to know more about this. So I learned a little bit more about yoga and about meditation. And a few years later, I saw that in our local rec center for like there's a Kids program. So yoga for teens, and so I begged my mom to sign me up for it. And every week I did yoga with a bunch of other 12 and 13 year olds and I started practicing yoga and I really liked it. I liked how it made me calm and it helped me focus. I would practice it at home. I'd get up really early to do yoga in my bedroom. It was mostly just like stretching for me at the time. And I didn't really understand the impact that it was making for me in the long run. I just knew that I really loved it and I just had to follow this feeling. And so throughout high school people knew me as the Yoga Girl because I was always doing yoga and we went to a yoga studio and gym class and everyone wanted to kind of put their map beside mine because they knew that I did this in the mornings. And then fast forward to first year university I got really sick. I will be really honest and say that I didn't want to go to university. I didn't want to be a number in a room full of people who I didn't know who you know, I wanted to make a big difference in the world. And I didn't think that university was going to help me get there. I didn't understand how slaving away for four years getting a piece of paper that says that I did that and like going into debt because of it. Anyway, I totally see how people want to do that and they have so much success with it. I just knew that it wasn't for me. I had that gut feeling again that I shouldn't go but I went to see my parents and that first year was really tough for me physically, it didn't matter how much Yoga I was doing or meditation I was doing I got really sick and I had to be hospitalized. And what ended up happening was I convinced my parents that I wanted to defer from university and I went to a local college instead. And when I was back home visiting my parents after I was recovering from being in the hospital, I bumped into a friend from high school and that friend was also coming home for personal reasons. And so we were connecting together and she said, hey, my mom's gonna open a yoga studio in town. I know you're really into yoga, do you want to work there and you can take classes for free? And again, my gut response was like, Yeah, I want to work there and take free yoga classes like are you kidding? So I went to school close to home. I started practicing yoga again in the studio working in the studio getting to know more about yoga. When I had breaks I would read the books that we had in the little boutique store that was at the studio. I learned more about the philosophy of it and just like again, diving into something that really was like sparking something in me and bringing you joy. And then eventually that job turned into an opportunity to become a yoga teacher. They started doing yoga teacher training and again, it was like heck yes, I want to do this. This feels good. And following that feeling and just continuing my yoga practice and learning more. And then believe it or not, I got fired from this job.


After I became a yoga teacher. It's kind of a long story and it's actually really funny looking back on it. So what happened was basically I knew that I wanted to leave the studio because I wasn't growing and I kept feeling this pull to leave and I was so afraid it was like, this is the studio. This is my home studio. This is the studio that gave me yoga teacher training. They gave me this job. They had been my family for many years. But all these things were going wrong and you know, all these different signs are basically like, No, it's time for you. It's time to move forward. It's time to grow like you're stuck in this cage and there's no room, there's no room for me. To grow anymore. But I was so afraid. I was so afraid. Because it was the only thing I knew. And even though there were other yoga studios in the area, I just couldn't. I felt frozen with fear. So anyway, I guess you could say that the owner did me a favor when she fired me because she forced me to leave. So when you asked me how, how do you make these big leaps? Sometimes they're thrust upon you, sometimes they're forced upon you. And in those moments, you can either like, get really upset and you know feel a little bit down and kind of crumble in it. Or you can use it as an opportunity to really expand and grow. And that's what I did. I use it as an opportunity to say all right, well, I got I have literally a clean slate and nothing holding me back. What's next right and just stay really open with that.


Like I said, she kind of did me a favor in the sense that like, I couldn't quit, I was so afraid to leave and so doing this really helped me.


And then what happened was I wanted to work at a studio who said oh, we need our teacher trainers. And I said I don't teach bar but I know someone who does it so I did like this weekend course. And while I was at a studio, learning how to teach barre, the owner of that studio said, Oh, I really like your style of teaching. Do you teach Pilates? And I said, No. And then she said, Do you want to teach Pilates and in my head I thought I don't really like Pilates and I also don't have a job. So I was like Sure. So I said yes to teaching Pilates and to make this long story a little bit faster. I basically fell in love with Pilates learning from this teacher and I loved it so much. And I started to grow in this new way and she gave me new opportunities and I was meeting new people and I was learning more things about this wellness industry. And over time I also felt that the space that I was in was also getting a little too small for me and I wanted to grow again. But this time I wasn't afraid to leave. And that time I saw where I needed to grow and where the limits were in the studio itself. So I you know, I mean years went by and I was starting to learn a little bit more about myself. I was starting to build more confidence in myself and my teaching, knowing that hey, I can teach at multiple studios, hey, I can go off on my own and can do all these things. And so I had a really great conversation with the owner of the studio and I said thank you so much for giving me these opportunities for teaching me Pilates for helping me see that I can jump into things with both feet. And she was really one of those people who were just like, you're going to go in I'm going to teach you Pilates and then you're just going to teach it and I was like what but I don't I've done yoga like since I was a kid and I just started Pilates like how can I be a teacher? And yeah, and so she just was like nope, you're doing it two feet. Here we go. So having mentors like that in my life was really important. And I think what's important to remember too, is that not everyone has a physical mentor in their lives. But if there's someone you really like, whether it's a podcast, host or an author, or someone on Instagram who really inspires you, there's usually free content or very, like low cost content like free course or like small online courses that you can purchase or just consume to really use that person as a mentor and I know I've done that with other people in the past too or I've just listened to like all their podcasts. I read all their books, but there's always going to be mentors and people in your life and I feel like having at least a little bit of that courage and confidence to either reach out to them, send them a DM I really love when people messaged me to say this is the episode I just listened to. I found it so powerful because of this, this, this. I mean part of why people do what they do, especially the women I work with, women like you who are making an impact in the world. Like they want to be seen. They want to be heard, they want to be recognized. And there's always going to be someone like that for you and you're always going to be someone like that for someone else. So just be mindful that people are always people are always watching you and they are going to be inspired by you at one point or another and it's a really powerful and exciting thing. So yeah, so I had this mentor. She was really excited for me when I said I want to do my own thing. I want to go off on my own and not happen in a couple different ways.


The first way as you know was that I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and when I say that people are like, “you did what?!”


So basically, this is a point in my life where the box was getting a little small for me. And what ended up happening was I just loved what I was doing. I love teaching Pilates, but I knew it wasn't sustainable for teach for like three to four week if you're not a Pilates teacher. It might not sound like a lot of classes, but that's a lot of classes. I was also working on an online business that I had at the time I had this really serious relationship with someone who just was not on the same page or certain things and as much as I really cared about this person and I love all my friends here and I love my family and everyone was so supportive. I knew that I wasn't good. I wasn't getting that spark and that excitement for everyday everyday just became repetitive. It was like Groundhog day or every week it was the same, the same the same. And I knew that I needed to be different. I just didn't know what that was. And then this is where it's gonna sound very crazy. Okay, like really crazy. I was meditating one morning and I just had this voice, this feeling this thing came over me I don't even really know what to call it. And I just heard this voice that was like my busy Guess what? So I got up calmly. It was the most bizarre thing. I got up and I went to the computer and I bought a ticket to Guatemala and I will preface by saying that I had heard a lot about Nicaragua. Because I was really interested in learning how to surf. I tried surfing a few times on vacation and I liked it. And Nicaragua was like this cool place that everyone was going to serve. And a few months before I was in this bar with my boyfriend at the time. And then this guy was sitting beside me and they're talking. He was saying that he's a pro surfer. And I was like, oh, like I don't want to be a pro surfer. But I want to surf. And it was around Christmas and I painted. He promised that I was going to be surfing next year at Christmas time and he was like, Yeah, for sure. And then I don't even know who this person is. He probably liked me for being a surfer. But the promise wasn't really to him. It was to myself and I think this is really part of the image of content is starting to build trust with yourself. And starting to do the things you said you were gonna do or you say you're going to do is actually do them. 


So I didn't know what this looked like. I just knew that I wanted to serve a Christmas and when I went home at the time, and one of the during kind of stumbling back and I remember that both of us - I don't know like it's just you have this feeling right you have this feeling that like it's just not this isn't the way it's supposed to be. You know, this isn't this isn't how we're supposed to feel like and and so I looked at him and I said I really want to go surfing next Christmas and you could tell that he didn't want to do the same thing as me didn't light him up like it didn't mean so again once I buy and then I was kind of looking into Nicaragua I saw these other countries around Nicaragua, in Guatemala, and I kind of saw like, some people were writing blogs about how they traveled through Central America. And I was like, oh, everything's really close together. Like maybe we'll start at the top and work my way to Nicaragua. So anyway, I bought the ticket to Guatemala. I didn't really know where it was. before this time, like on a map. I was I couldn't I probably couldn't tell you. I didn't speak any Spanish. like I want to do a lingo. and we tried to learn some Spanish.


And then every day I just told myself that this was me following that gut instinct. This was me. Following that fire and that passion that I had felt these other times. And so looking back on the proof of doing yoga when I was a kid and joining the yoga program as a teenager and then falling back into university and college. It was just like all of these really incredible times where I trusted that instinct brought me to something so incredible and powerful in my life that I knew that I had to follow this. I didn't know why. And that was the scariest part. I'm not going to tell you that it was amazing and easy the whole time because it was terrifying. But I will tell you that once I arrived, I bawled my eyes out the day before I left because I was like, What am I doing? This is the craziest thing ever. I just literally left my relationship, my family and my job to to do what to surf. I don't know how to surf. Are you crazy? I didn't know what I was doing. But I was just like, I have to do this because if I stayed, I knew that I would only be repeating this groundhog day over and over and over again. So I went and I'll tell you right now that the day that I landed in Guatemala, I was so happy. I was walking around Antigua which is a small, beautiful, colorful town in Guatemala, just outside the city. And I was filled with joy. I had tears of joy. Like I was so happy and I knew that I was in the right spot as soon as I got there as scary as it was. And I feel like we're kind of brought up in this world to not really trust our instincts and we're taught to follow a certain line and a certain path and check off certain boxes a lot of the time. Those aren't in alignment with what we truly want and like I said, it's not always easy, but learning to build that trust with yourself and learning to really love yourself is something that it's an ongoing thing for me. And when I say that I don't know why I started or went on this trip. I really meant like I didn't know the reason but it always reminds me of this incredible quote by Steve Jobs and I never get the whole thing right but it's something along the lines of You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. And that trip was exactly that. I was there for seven months through Central America. I ended up going down to Costa Rica, turning around and saying no, I need to go back to Guatemala and love Guatemala. I surfed in Costa Rica on Christmas day. and I read a bunch of surfers and I was like Listen, I have this goal. I gotta do it.


I'm not a pro surfer. I'm not that good at surfing but I tried and actually I learned to scuba dive and I liked that a lot better.


And basically the trip was just like day after day of me getting out of my comfort zone building that trust building that confidence. And because I was bad myself, there was no one else to blame. When I got lost, there was no one else to blame. When I was frustrated. I had to basically build this relationship with myself and say, Listen, you brought yourself to this country, you've got yourself lost you. You've got yourself into this mess like how are you going to get yourself out of it? You don't have a Savior to help you. You don't have a knight in shining armor. You don't have anything else you have yourself and that's probably the most important gift that you can have. And so over time, without realizing it, I was using the habits that I had, for like the last however many years of like my teacher training with mindfulness and yoga and all these things and meditation and then also personal development that I was into at the time and like building a business is really a huge part of that growth. And then building that gut instinct and that listening to yourself and trust with yourself. When I look back on the trip, those seven months were really a love story as cheesy as it's gonna sound. It was a love story with myself and building that confidence and building that self love throughout these experiences. And saying like, wow, I learned a whole new language. Whoa, I'm an advanced scuba diver like okay, I'm not a pro surfer but I tried and I fell and I cut back on that board so many times.


You know, getting yourself out of mass or climbing a volcano, like all of those things happen in such a short amount of time and I really think that it sped up that journey for me or that love for me. And at the very end of my trip. I actually stumbled upon this incredible yoga teacher training program. and even though I was already a yoga teacher, they had these like subprograms there. and one of them was life coaching and that was something that I was really interested in doing and it was specifically life and health coaching and I was like well this is exactly what I do. like this is what I do with my clients. outside of the studio I have these conversations and we talk about health and wealth and happiness.


And then from there when I came home I started the women's empowerment blog, which you now know as the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I worked for different studios, but I built my health coaching business on the side. And now I really focus on healthy habits because again, it took me this long to understand that it was really my daily habits that brought me to where I am today and it wasn't just health. It was my mindset. It was my financial health so my money habits , my relationship habits has everything and I will share it. I don't like to be put in a box. So I think habits really expand to be on the box and I think they expand to different things and they evolve as you evolve in your habits are going to change just like your core values change. But the thing that you always have that line that connects everything together is always you and I get a little bit goosey. Maybe a little bit crackly in my voice and I say that because it took me a long time to learn how to love myself. And I'm going to say it again and again. It was not easy. But every time it was super worth it. And I'm not that partner that I was with anymore. And I don't have the same friends that I did years ago. And so even though all these amazing people come in and even my mentor I don't have that same mentor anymore. These amazing people come in and out of your lives at the time that they need. To buy the one thing that's always there is you and the daily habits and behaviors that you have. So that is my super long story.


And to bring me to where I am today, which is I own the Pilates studio where I first learned Pilates I bought that studio for my mentor, believe it or not last year and my healthy habits. Coaching is building I'm starting a coaching membership for my clients to have ongoing support. I felt really lit up and excited about it and I'm following that gut instinct again, the gut instinct of divided studio and the gut instinct to start this membership. So I feel like it just went really full circle and that's why I had to tell you that entire story.


[25:00] KS: No and that's I didn't Oh my god. There's so much amazing but yeah, like so many things I had to take a couple of notes so I could stay present and listening after like when you were saying like since you were little with those first kind of intuitive knowing that yes, I want to do yoga. Yes. So you had those full body yeses. And then you had with this mentor we bought a body studio from when she suggested Pilates you were like no I don't yet you went for it. How can you discern between the two like that whole body? Yes. And then that I know that actually even though it was kind of like I don't want to do this but you went for it and then you loved it.


VL: Great question. So I think a lot of the time they come out. They come out with the same feeling. I think the hesitation for me was like the word wasn't Pilates and I was like, Oh, well, I've never really liked bodies. But then there was a part of me that was like, You need a job. It's not forever. Just like just doing it. Just do it. I was also teaching yoga there too. So it was just one of those things where it was mainly a Pilates studio that offered yoga and offered bar and if I'm being like super honest in the yoga and pilates world, if you teach a bunch of different things, you are very attractive to studios because they like that you have all these other options. They like that you can teach a bunch of different styles. And I think it really builds on just your own toolbox as well like being an applied teacher actually made me a better yoga teacher. So even in the home my intention was to open a yoga studio when I was a kid I was like Oh, I'm gonna open a yoga studio and you know we don't always, we don't always think that what we want is not always what the universe wants for us or the billions that the world has for us. And if I'm being totally frank, I don't love Pilates so much. And even though yoga definitely has my heart and there's a huge part of my life that I love for Yoga I haven't taught yoga in such a long time and my actus is with us now. so I'm really grateful that I followed it even though I was like, ah feels a little bit sticky or gonna do it.


[27:30] KS: Yeah, it's interesting because it's just like those full body yeses versus those kind of like I'm scared to do this. It's like you're in Guatemala, things like you also have things like that. We always have our version of scary like for you that was your burden for scary. I know for me when I was married and my son was only one my version of scary showed up. I am so unhappy here and all of a sudden I see I'm repeating toxic patterns, I need to leave the situation and it was very very scary. That was my version of scary and as scary as it was it still felt right.


What could you offer? Like when we're sitting with that from your experience and when working with your clients when you're sitting in that scary, how do you trust that? Even though it's scary. How do you trust that knowing that it's right and like how do people actually move because sometimes it can be paralyzing. I almost actually like to say if it wasn't for the fact that my son was born, I probably wouldn't have moved like I wouldn't have moved for me. I know for him because I wasn't okay with exposing him to repeating you know, the toxic pattern. That's what I refer to them. But if we say we don't have that little catalyst, like I'm doing is how do you do it for yourself? And I think I would probably come back to self love a little bit, but speak to that a little bit. 


[28:55] VL: Yeah, that's an amazing question too. And I feel like when I work with women, especially mothers, they are looking to do something for someone else. It's usually for their kids or for their relationship for their family. And it's so easy to put these little humans in front of us or to put other people that we really love in front of us. But at what point are you making yourself a priority? At what point are you on that list of people to care about our self care, like where's self care on your priority list? And if it's not at the top of your list, then there's definitely some work that needs to be done. There's definitely some action that we need. To take. And I think when it comes to making those scary decisions, it's really about deciding of if you are going to stay where you're going to stay or if you want things to change and if you want to do something you've never done or feel away that you are not currently feeling you need to do something differently. And Okay, so my big thing was buying a one way ticket to Guatemala. That sounds super extreme for most people when I say that people are like, whoa, what and they're like you're still alive.


Yep. So you can practice this in really small ways. It goes back to building that trust with yourself. And that's also a part of self love is trusting yourself because think of it like any relationship when you trust someone you love someone you have really strong communication. So talk to yourself, tell yourself like What do you mean? Do you need to speak to yourself a little bit more timely? Do you need to listen to your own instincts, your own feeling that own urge or your own sacral response at that colo body knowing of like I need to do something different and what does different look like for you? Maybe different just means taking a new route to work or brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of your right hand. Like it can be as simple as changing up your routine. And that's why I think habits are so powerful because we already have these automatic behaviors we like. It gets into most of us but I think 80% of our day is made up of habits that we already have. So that means like you're automated for more than half of your day will say like I've ever been but you're automated for more than half of your day. And if that's the case, then there's very little room for magic to unfold. There's very little room for these new opportunities and these new changes and you are going to be living that Groundhog Day. I was super busy with my schedule at the time and I knew that I was gonna crack because I can't do this all the time. this is not sustainable. I knew that I've been doing this for the last year. and if I keep going like this, it's just going to be best for the next five years. So, think of the little things that you can do to make those adjustments at a two new workout routine, maybe it's a new route for your walk, maybe it's a new recipe. It can be those little things and as you start to push out of that comfort zone, they'll start to take major leaps and you're building that trust at the same time. and that's when your confidence starts to grow. and that's when someone says, oh my goodness, I'm getting a divorce. and I need my best friend to come to Hawaii with me for a week. and you're like, Yep, I'm the best friend. This feels good. I'm going to Hawaii. I feel the urge. I built a poll. Let's do this right and you like you've created that space. you've created space for those opportunities to come in and along the way, you're building that trust with yourself and that love.


[32:35] KS: I love, I love love. I think that self love, like true self love, lends itself to your confidence.


I think when you're fully in self love, you're not abandoning yourself for any reason. You're really standing, staying true to you, and that would elevate your confidence. What is one thing that somebody can do today to say that they don't feel like they love themselves like what is like at the most basic level, one thing that somebody could start doing today to grow that self love.


[33:13] VL: So a really fun, simple thing that I used to do when I was starting this was every time I saw my reflections, whether it was a mirror or when I was walking by my car or a window. If I saw myself as a reflection, I would do a little weight and like kind of like a hey, how are you? How you doing? In the mirror and it's super silly and it's super funny and honestly, if it just cracks a little a little giggle or a little smile for you. That's enough to just like you're flirting with yourself. I know some self love coaches will have you sit in front of the mirror and just keep repeating every single day. I love you. I love you. I love you that mirror work. And in the beginning that feels a little better. So we can kind of change it and just write out your wins for the week. Like, what did you succeed in this week? What was something that you're really proud of yourself for this week? And that could be a journaling exercise that could be something that you just type in your phone notes, and not just make it something that you're really grateful for the week but more about you're proud of yourself that you did. And maybe that was a major bad everyday this week and that was a really big deal for you. So it can be really small or it can be really huge like this for me this week. I'm going to write this down as one of my wins. A goal for myself for 2022 is to be speaking more on other people's podcasts and summits and things like that. So this is like so filling up my cup today and I'm super grateful to be here and it's going to be part of my wins for the week or so. things like that little week in the mirror saying I love you and doing more intense mirror work like that journaling exercise your wins and it's basically building proof and building that relationship with yourself and it's super simple and super tiny and just even writing your calendar with what you, what you're proud of this week.


[35:05] KS: Yeah, I love that. And I love what you were saying earlier and you just said it again. Now with the following the proof.


I absolutely love that. It's just such a powerful thing to remember. I do it with myself too. I have a ton of transitions. Just the last couple of weeks and I literally had to take myself back to like those were the scary things I did that worked out in my favor, or maybe I didn't even know how they were gonna work out but I know that they were such good things and so I like really have to focus on those when we can do FOMO so true. 


VL: Yeah, it's so funny that you said that actually because I just remembered that right before my trip. I did a video diary. It was the most surreal thing to watch. So I have a MacBook and you can do like a movie, Film yourself on it. and I never use this feature especially at the time and so I wrote a video message to myself that was about five or seven minutes long and I saw they didn't like telling you why I decided to buy this ticket to Guatemala, like something took over. I did not know what was going on. I just knew that I had to do it so I, I recorded this


doing something that was super scary and I want you to remember that this was something that you you had to do and you did all the things you had to do for it and I'm like falling in the video and then it's like, you don't know why you're doing it. But as you're watching this as your call like I do know the reason why so it's like this weird thing of like past self talking to future itself. I don't even know what again, like what compelled me to do that this was so long ago now that I can't really remember the details of that. But it's on my old computer and then what happened was like completely, seven months later, I'm not like oh god open My Computer to that video itself. I didn't remember. So a year after the trip, I was doing this coaching program and it was like my first live webinar and I was so nervous. And I went to practice the video and I was like, Oh, just use that function on my computer. And I was like, what video is this? Like I completely forgot and then I opened it up right before I did this webinar and I'm crying now like watching myself crying, telling my future self my past self talking to my future self and it's reminding me of like, before I even did the hard thing. Before you even did the hard thing. It was like Valerie, you freaking did it. You're gonna look back one day and you're gonna say I did that. I went to Central America on a whim because my gut told me to and it was amazing. And I like it was the coolest, weirdest, craziest thing. So if you could do like a video recording of yourself or like a journal entry of yourself and look back on it and be like, Wow, look how far I've come, how much we've grown. That evidence and that proof is going to propel you to make more amazing changes and shifts and just and and what's even cooler in that the people around you are also going to notice it's not just the people around you are going to notice the little kids that you're so concerned about and trying to put first they see that you're not putting yourself first just like they're going to see when you do put yourself first and that gives them permission to put themselves on their list. I mean like It blows my mind sometimes when I think when I hear people say like oh, I need to put my kids before me and it's like you are doing them a disservice.


[38:38] KS: That’s so powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.


as far powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.


[39:49] VL: Ooof… that’s a really big question.


So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and following those urges and those instincts. And then what happened actually, in 2019 was after I come back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and and feel like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going in the gym, but then I started having a more deeper intention. And I build habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my birthday for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to to recognize is that for better people, and those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer was my response was, oh, have you think about before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.


So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't. I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and follow those urges and those instincts. And then what actually happened, in 2019 was after I came back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and felt like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going to the gym, but then I started having a deeper intention. And I built habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to recognize is that for better people, those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer. My response was, oh, have you thought about it before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.


So think about the habits you're doing right now. Because if you repeat these habits every day for the next year, and then multiply that by five, this is where you're going to be in five years. And that I think is a huge realization that takes minutes to come to and you don't have to buy the plane ticket to learn to love yourself. You can do it here. You can do it right now and you can do it a little bit every day.


[44:33] KS: Yeah, no. Great, great point. And just like you said, earlier to with, just start with little things like brush your teeth with your left hand or take a different route when you're driving to work or pick up your kids or whatever and just start start really, really tiny and build up over time because I think sometimes we feel like we need to make these huge these huge things like take a trip, leave a relationship, you know, change your job. It doesn't have to be that dramatic. You can start building trust and the little things so I love all of that so great. And I know that you're offering a gift to the audience, can you speak a little bit as well.


VL: So I have two really simple PDFs basically. And I find that they're just nice little starting points for anyone who wants to create a little bit more of a roadmap for their life. So the first one is called dream lifestyle roadmap. And there's also a habit tracker I think one of the things that we don't utilize when we're starting a new behavior or we're trying to create a new habit is the power of tracking it. Because what you're doing is you're physically checking off boxes and that is enjoyment. That is a reward. That is part of the proof and the evidence of all the things that you're doing. so it's completely customizable. you can put in whatever habit you're working on. It also has a couple of different tips for building habits and goal setting and things like that. Because a lot of the times too, especially with the new year, people are goal setting and they see this huge goal, and they're okay like I feel at school.


KS: Awesome. Awesome. And, and just also let everyone know where they can find you so that they can get more of you so that they can work with you. We talked about the podcast where do you like to hang out on social and where's the best place to find great questions.


Dream Lifestyle Road Map + Habit Tracker

www.valerielavignelife.com

IG | @vallavignelife

Kasia Bradford IG | @coachkasiabradford

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

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E167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply with Blaire Caplan
 
 

E167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply with Blaire Caplan

All. The. Feels. Blaire speaks so boldly about the importance, power, and practices surrounding self love. This is an episode I will be re-listening to again, and again!


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[00:53] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to introduce you to our newest guest Blaire! Blaire, thank you so much for being on the show today like us.


Blaire Caplan: It is an honor to be here with you, my friend.


VL: I'm so excited because something that we're talking about today has to do a lot with habits and for those of you listening if you don't already know my name is Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor and I often share the tangible practical, small, seemingly insignificant habits and action steps that we can do daily that really help us elevate and raise our vibrational frequency and make us better humans and bring us to you know, the version of ourselves that we really want to be. And one of the things that I find so powerful is the topic lies around the topic of self love. and so, Blaire and I are going to talk all about that today. So Blair, tell us a little bit about what self love means in your words.


[02:02] BC: Sure. Self love, means showing yourself the same amount of love and kindness and respect that you would show to someone outside of yourself. whether that be a partner or your best friend or family member you really care about. Self love means just giving that love to yourself.


VL: Why is this so hard for us to do?


BC: Because we're not taught. Nobody teaches us how to love ourselves in school. I haven't taught geometry and algebra and I know how to annotate my papers, but no one teaches me how to actually love myself and care about myself and give myself the grace that I deserve. We're not taught!


VL: We are not taught that and I'm so glad we're talking about this today because it seems like something so simple that we have heard over and over again and sometimes I feel like self love is a cliche term or self care. And yet, we're still not doing it as simple as it is. So let us know what are some of the things that we can do, some of the habits or rituals that we could do to cultivate this, this love for ourselves.



[03:19] BC: Knowing that you are big on habits, I do want to share a little bit about my morning ritual which has increased my love of self exponentially. There's this man named Hal Elrod and he has a book called the Miracle Morning Routine. And I actually just passed 700 consecutive days of doing this routine. 


VL: That’s so cool! Congratulations!


BC: So every morning I've never done anything for that long and it's amazing and it has just changed every aspect of my life. And so every morning I meditate. I worked my way up to a full hour. I move back down to 30 minutes of meditation. I also love different Affirmations, Visualization, exercise, reading and writing. And one of the things I do for writing I actually have my notebook right here. Every single morning I write down I love myself three times and I say it out loud as I write it, and when I first started that practice, it felt like yes, we can just be honest about that because when I started this routine, I really didn't love myself. If I'm being honest, I really didn't like myself. But I knew that if I did not change something, I probably wouldn't be here for too much longer. So when I first started this, I didn't believe those words and I had to quite literally train my brain to learn how to love myself through that repetitive process of writing it down saying it out loud looking in the mirror as uncomfortable as that is saying it to that version of myself that's in the mirror. and that is just changed everything in my life.


[05:04] VL: Wow, that's really powerful. I appreciate you being so open and sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening can relate to what you're saying. I mean, I can. There was definitely a time where I struggled with the same feelings and a lot of the work quote unquote that that we practice really, really asks us to get uncomfortable and get out of those comfort zones and some of them are so silly.


One of the things that I started doing that's kind of similar reminded me when you said look at yourself in the mirror and say these things as every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I'd wink at myself and kind of do like a ‘How you doing!?’ kind of thing, right? And whereas because I was noticing that every time I was looking at myself in the mirror, I look at something I didn't like and I would kind of scoff or scowl and myself and that's really sad to admit like I I feel a little bit emotional during that because that was a really sad time. For that was a really sad part of myself. And doing that one little practice and doing that Wink it started to shift things very quickly, actually. And in that short amount of time I recognize that not only was I looking at myself in the mirror and making it an ugly face that myself but what I was also doing is I was saying things to myself that I would never ever say to anyone else And I would never wish that upon anyone else and they just kept thinking like I wouldn't say that to my best friends, then why am I saying to myself, and when we ask when we ask ourselves those really tough questions We get some pretty, pretty deep answers.


And yeah, it's just the beginning. It's just the beginning of a really deep connection. So share with us when you started this practice. What changed for you what the shifts look like in the transformation for you?


[07:14] BC: The shift started happening probably two or three months after I started doing this every day. And there I remember I was driving down Route 32 And it was just so quiet. And I like I just I pause like I mean I was still actively driving but I just took them on. I was like wow, like there's no mean voice in my head right now. Like no one's telling me that I'm not good enough or that I'm too fat or I'm not pretty like where did that voice go? And I think that was when I really started to realize like wow, there's actually something to this. So that was that was the main shift was the way that I would approach myself and the way that I would speak to myself like you said, like we say things to ourselves when we're in that low vibrational state we just say some of the meanest things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else. And I saw that, you know, after those two or three months, That voice just started to get a little nicer and a little nicer until finally I was like Oh wow, like I'm actually a pretty decent human being I actually do quite a lot myself.




[08:26] VL: 



Yeah, and I love what you're saying not because in the beginning, you mentioned you know, you didn't feel that way. So what I'm wondering is as a Certified Life designer, as a mindset coach when you're working with your clients, and they're saying, but I don't believe that about myself, but that's not true. How can I lie to my like, quote unquote, again, error codes, how can I lie to myself and write that down and say that what do you say to that?


BC: We switch it up a little bit and if we're talking about that specific concept, that specific sentence of I love myself, And if a client or even a friend says, oh, that sounds kind of weird. I don't believe that. I don't want to write that down. I say okay, well, what about I am open to the idea of loving myself. Maybe that feels a little bit lighter.


VL: I like that. Yeah. Just shifting it to something that resonates a little bit more give any other examples?


BC: Yes, yes. I find that when we get into reactive mode, there's just this little switch in order to get us back into response and are in creative mode. And something that I like to do and something that I was taught actually is to meet those voices or meet that mindset with the question to meet it with curiosity. So instead of I love myself, or I'm open to the idea of loving myself, what if we met that with curiosity instead, and we asked ourselves, would it be nice if I love myself?


Wouldn't it be nice if I was a little kinder to myself? Wouldn't it be nice if I let life get a little easier? And so when we meet those push backs of self love, self worth competence, whatever it is, if we can meet those with just genuine curiosity, that lightness comes back into play?


[10:25] VL: For sure, asking questions is getting curious. it's all really part of that internal awareness and that mindfulness of self because I bet you, somebody listening, is thinking, oh, I don't do that. And now that we've started to have this conversation about it, We are now going to start to see where this comes up when these thoughts come up. How are you saying it?


Yeah, because it happens whether we like it or not. I'm raising my hand. I have been there I've said and thought some harsh things to myself and that shift really does make a difference.


With my own self, what I recognized was, I would catch myself in the moment and I've asked myself, would I say this to my best friend? And if the answer was no, Then I said, well, then there's no room for it for myself either. And that's when I started to just stop the thought. versus trying to switch up to something else.


The other thing that really worked for me when it came to this life lesson was actually when I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and I just started to solo travel. And what I realized on that trip was that I was by myself so if I got lost, I couldn't blame anybody else. I had to learn a language that I didn't know before arriving, and that was a really cool thing. All these different experiences that I went through or getting out of my comfort zone really started to become evidence and proof for me that hey, actually, I am a pretty amazing person. I learned a language. I figured out how to cross a country or two countries or three countries by myself in a country that I've never been to before. Or you know, I took responsibility for when I got lost and I figured out how to get back and all of these different experiences really built up that self love muscle if you want to call it. I'm also a Pilates teacher. So I work really well with those kinds of things. analogies like muscle building, and training. So yeah, I think it's so important. Now I have a question that's coming up. So let's say we're getting curious. We're writing it down writing I love you down. We're saying I love you in the new year and are starting to feel a little bit more but then something happens shame creeps in. creeps in guilt creeps in when we make a mistake. We start feeling horrible about it. We start questioning whether or not that I love myself statement is true. What do we do? What do we do?


[13:09] BC: We do our best to extend ourselves the grace that we would extend the friend that message And something that I find myself repeating to myself and to my clients is I did the best I could and I did the best that I could with the information I had at the time that I had it And my best is always more than enough.


VL: Feel like you need to make an affirmation card deck of all this amazing wisdom that you're sharing today.


BC: It is on my future projects list for 2022 


VL: Okay, yes it is. I'm just sitting here like I could just pull a card every day with something that you're saying.


BC: Feels so good.


VL: And just write that affirmation down. Do you have that confirmation? Yeah. Oh my gosh, don't you love when that synchronicity kind of aligns. And yes, just a little confirmation for you that your wisdom is appreciated.


What was I going to say now? Oh, yeah. So let's say we're doing the work and we're starting to understand okay, you know, it's not everyday that I feel wholly in love with myself. However, I am learning and I'm growing and this is part of the transformation.

I know you shared for yourself how long it took you to recognize that transformation or that shift. How long do you think it would take for other people or what can people expect when they're doing this practice for themselves?


BC: That is a very difficult question for me to answer and so I think I'm going to end up giving you a non answer answer.


Unfortunately, fortunately, it is not my job to police someone else's healing journey. We all move in divine timing and divine timing is never really good.


So for me, two or three months to see that shift for you, he said a new solid relatively quickly. For other people, they may try to practice for six months and still not feel any different. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with that person. That just means we need to try something else. So I don't know exactly how to answer that. but what I do know is, the more willing you are to do the work And the more consistent you are with those small steps, the quicker you'll see the results you want.


[15:32] VL: I think that's a perfect answer. I think that's exactly even though we might not want to hear it because you know, we're all looking for a quick fix. I think it's very true. And being honest with that is where people are going to see the most transformation and results because they're sticking to it. Getting curious. So let's say we have been doing this practice for a really long time and the journal or the mirror work just isn't really for us. what are some other ways that we can practice self love?


[16:08] BC: I find both in my personal experience and with working with clients that a lot of those feelings of lack of self love and lack of self worth stemmed from childhood, whether it was being bullied as a kid or not having parents that affirmed your worth or you know whatever the circumstances were I find that a lot of that lack of self love starts from an early age and we're just not necessarily aware of it until we become adults. And I say all of that to say a practice that I really enjoy encouraging people to do is to write a letter to your younger self. Whether that be you at five years old when you're 1216 1821 like younger self is relative. But I find that writing a letter to our younger selves is one of the most impactful practices I've come across where we can be completely raw and unfiltered and we can share resentments. We can share grief, we can share forgiveness, we can share happiness, we can share whatever we need to share to that version of ourselves that first and feel that love and by healing that inner child are starting to heal that inner child because feeling is not a quick fix. Healing is a lifelong for whom we can start to tap into that inner child and start to heal those inner child wounds. As an adult we reap those benefits.


[17:35] VL: So glad you said this is a live in powerful exercise and work similar to this before. And what I think is so cool is that if you're in the space where you're actually taking the time and kind of making this more of a ritual of okay, I'm imagining my victory them as I write this letter to them what's really cool is you can actually feel the energetic shift within you in that moment. It's like this. What's that movie with Matthew McConaughey where it's like they talked about the dimensions. Interstellar. It's lightning. Yeah, it's like this. It's like this moment in time, that is the past the present and the future all in one. And it's like, you change your cells change in that moment. I mean, I know this sounds a little bit woowoo. And there was true.


There's this energetic shift, and I remember doing this practice and it was it was really simple. It was more of a meditation, but I could feel my gravitas change, I could feel how I sat up taller and I felt lighter in my body because I told my think I was six years old in my meditation, but I told my six year old self that I was enough. And I was such a cool, cool practice. And I always think about like, oh, the things I would tell younger Valerie when I look at pictures of myself and I'm like, Oh my God.


BC: But you can still tell that younger version of yourself now because they still live within you.


VL: this is so incredible. I think this is so yeah, just really helpful for people to hear and if someone hasn't done a practice like this before, it's such a beautiful ritual. So do you have any tips for when we're writing a letter to ourselves about what we can include, or maybe some of the things we can follow along with? 


[22:47] BC: Yeah. Not necessarily to include in the letter, but I may lovingly encourage or even lovingly challenge you to keep an open heart and an open mind. Give yourself permission to feel and give yourself permission to cry and scream and hit a pillow and go for a walk halfway through.


The biggest tip I can give you is to accept yourself where you are as you write this depending on who you are, depending on your childhood and on your past experiences. That letter could include forgiveness.


That's what it was for me. I'm sorry, I didn't give you the love you deserve. I'm sorry that I bullied you just as much as the kids at school did.


For other people. It may be a letter of gratitude again from you so well. Thank you for sticking with me even when I tried to beat you down everywhere I could thank you for being who I needed and going through what you needed to go through. So I could see why I needed to be in there as well.


Maybe it is just the completely raw, unfiltered cuss word filled letter of reason.


It depends and whatever you write is perfect.


It's perfect exactly how it is because it'll be exactly what it needs to be for you as an individual.


VL: I've even written a letter to my future self that I actually opened 10 years after, like I wrote it when I was 20 and I opened it on my 30th birthday. And it was the most incredible birthday present ever gotten and given to myself.


And I actually after reading it a couple days later, I wrote a letter back to myself, my 20 itself. And I thought that was such a beautiful process.


And this last decade has been I mean, I'm sure anyone can can say this the last 10 years of her life has been maybe nothing what they thought it was going to be or everything they thought I was going to be in more and to be able to like I wrote it in purple gel pen.


It was so cool. I was like this is the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. And then being able to write back which I never planned on doing but just intuitively was like my 20 year old self and this two year from my third year old self and so now I want to do it again for my 40th birthday. But I would even say even sooner than that. I don't wait to open it in 10 years even though that was very cool.


So yeah, this exercise is so is so powerful and whatever comes out and whatever kind of flows out of us is just what you said exactly what we need exactly what we need to release or share or hear or our end of our back. And then what do we do about a letter after we've written it depends on the intention behind creating the letter in the first place.


BC: I get a little woowoo I'm here for all the witchy stuff. So for me i i quite literally have like a little cauldron and I do fire ceremony. If you feel called to release that energy release those emotions release that message in that way you can quite literally burn it. I highly suggest you do that in a safe place probably outdoors so you don't burn anything down. But there is a real sense of release and doing a fire ceremony so you could burn the letter after you write it. You can keep it in your notebook and carry it with you and read it as often as you want.


You can do a water ceremony you can go for a walk in nature and find the little creek and you can you know send that letter on its way so again without policing anyone's individual healing journey. I think that depending on the intention behind the letter in the first place, there are many different ways to either carry it with you as an item of strength or release it back out into the universe.

VL: I love that. I love the witchy stuff. I bury my letters. I rip them up. I bury them I burn them. Yeah, all of the things that's so cool. I've never really put it in a walk in the water but there are lots of ponds near where I live.


This conversation has been amazing and I am very excited to incorporate a lot of what you share today in my own practices. Thank you, thank you so much is there before we get into the last part of the show, which I'm very excited to share with you. Is there something that hasn't been said today that you would love to share?


[24:36] BC: To anybody that is listening, I want you to know there's someone out here at that loves you no matter what. 


Genuinely unconditionally regardless of your past, regardless of your future. I love you simply because you are born worthy of being loved.


And that comes back to self love as much as I love you. I cannot love you more than you love yourself.


You are born worthy of your own love. And you deserve to do this for yourself.


VL: Okay, well, that's probably going to be the quote for the episode that I - you’re going to make me cry.


And I hope everyone hits the back button on the podcast to re listen to that on repeat. So thank you so much for that. Like Thank you. I feel like we should end here but we can't because we need to know. Now we need to know where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business? 


BC: Sure, yeah. Well, the best way you can support your business because I teach people how to love themselves is to say yes to learning how to love yourself. That's the best way you can support me by supporting yourself. 


INSTAGRAM | @lonewolfe

WEBSITE | https://www.lonewolfdistrict.com/ 


[26:26] RAPID FIRE ROUND


1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

The Energy of Money

The Audacity to be Queen


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Knowing that you’re the baddest bitch in the club no matter what. No matter what.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

That morning ritual 700 days I think 707.


4. What are you currently working toward?

I am currently working towards breaking ground for the Scott Eric Kaplan City of Angels. Right now. lone wolf district is a virtual home base but the long term goal is to have a physical home base for the lone wolves, the people in this world that feel like they don't belong or like they don't fit in or like they haven't had a home before.


That is that as the ultimate goal is to create a literal district of normals to be celebrated for their uniqueness and for their differences but still have a safe place to come home to.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

Categories

Download the FREE Dream Lifestyle Roadmap

Follow on Instagram

 
Mindset MasteryVal LaVigne
E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kick-Ass Routine
 
 

E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kick-Ass Routine

One of my favourite relatable conversations with client and friend Candice. Learn how personal development, positive self-talk, and taking things one step at a time can be transformational in habit formation…


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[00:25] Valerie: thank you for joining us for another client experience episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today we're hearing from a friend and client Candice while working together with Candice and I also learned that she is a rebel, which is one of Gretchen Ruben’s four tendencies.

The Four Tendencies QUIZ

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These tendencies are personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better based on how you respond to outer and inner expectations. This is particularly important with creating habits, rules, routines, etc. As a rebel Candice resists both outer and inner expectations which you might think doesn't make for a very good habit client. Actually. it can can anyone even if you're a rebel, you can still create habits and routines. so we don't actually get to talking about this in our conversation for the podcast. but as I was in editing, I thought oh, but this is such a great point to make, with Candice and she was actually part of the 21 challenge that is wrapping up.


And this topic came up again and the whole point of her being a rebel came up again. So the reason why I wanted to share this here is because like I said, Candace and I've talked about this before and other conversations, and I thought it was really really important for listeners to hear as part of an addition to the gentle approach that Candice and I got into in today's conversation. So knowing your tendency especially if you're a rebel, it really offers a sense of relief to those of us who are like Candice who want to create routines but struggle to stay consistent. And if it's part of your personality and your nature, it's easier to give yourself the grace, the compassion and the patience you need to ease into a new habit. So let's listen to how Candace learned to approach her new routines in her experience. 


Okay, yeah, let's start with where you were, or what were you feeling before working with me on your healthy habits.


[3:01] Candice: Before working with you, I felt pretty rigid and structured in my habits and was kind of an all or nothing.


After working with you, of course, that that's changed a lot and I've become more intuitive about when I need something and when I need to bring in habits when I need to release habits, and it's a little bit more soul centered on what I truly need, rather than what I think I need or what I think it should be. you know, the enemy we're in should.


[3:39] Valerie: Yeah, it's so easy to get caught up in that and like, we have to do all the things and it has to be perfect. And yeah, I definitely know you mean like the all or nothing. You're either in or you're out you're out. But I think that what people really forget especially when starting a new habit is that you don't actually have to do all of the things at once. So tell us what habit we create together?


[4:04] Candice: We started to - oh shoot we've worked on so many habits.


The first one I think we worked on was morning routines, which then of course led into evening routines as well and which was perfect because it When we got into the root of it.


The evening routines were the thing that was struggling the most and was really like the true thing that needed to be addressed. It wasn't actually like the mornings like my mornings are actually crazy.


Yeah, that was the first thing that we kind of tackled together.


[4:40] Valerie: It’s funny because you're not the first person who has come to me and said Val, I want to work on this specific habit. Let's call it a habit and after listening to them and having the conversation and understanding okay, this is where our starting point is. Actually habit A is totally fine. It's habit b. That's not okay. Or, you know, habit zero or habit however you want to name it. And I think that's what's so cool about being able to talk about something that people think, Oh, it's just habits. It's just so basic and so easy to do. Actually, there's so much more to it and being able to work together and workshops or work together one on one you can really start to see what the focus is and yeah, I love how you were like yeah, morning routines and we're like Wait a second… The evening routines are aware of that. So take us a little bit more into how you made the habit work for you. Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing?


[5:59] Candice: Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing some of the things that I started implementing, so we already kind of talked about it had kind of an all or none person. We had to really rein that in whenever I did, when we started to switch up the evening routines. And so I feel like in my gut and when I wanted to do it initially when I was all ready to go, I was just like, Okay, I'm going to start my evening routine today and it's going to be great. I'm going to go to bed way earlier. I'm going to have some journaling time. I'm going to do all of these things starting today and you were like, Let's rather than and that was actually really perfect because then we started out slowly with theory to set an alarm on your phone to like start winding down and then slowly integrate like journaling and integrating a meditation or putting essential oils on the floor and that that really helped ease into it a lot more starting with the phone alarm was key because then I like was able to wrap my head around it that okay, this is the time to settle down. Oh, now it's time for journaling. So it acted as a trigger to get me rolling in the bedtime direction. That was kind of the first bit.


[7:01] Valerie:  I love that. I love that we started with just the prompt of saying okay are the triggers. This is what's happening. This is where our starting point is. And then you didn't forget about the whole evening routine that you wanted to create. We just slowly started adding to it and making it more digestible. Are those bite sized habits to make up one full routine? And I think this is one of the things that people struggle with as they see someone with this incredible evening routine or our morning routine. And they're like I need that I needed to our bath journal, Oracle Card essential oil meditation and then I'm going to sleep like a baby but you're like, oh wait, I only have 35 minutes or I only have two minutes before I actually have to get to bed like there's just no way or I'm so exhausted and all these things come up and building that and what I like to call it or refer to it as habit stacking can be really successful in creating and implementing a bigger routine or bigger kind of ritual and with multiple habits and so we broke it down. That's how we made it work for you. And then when it comes to the results, What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?


[8:20] Candice: Initially, once we started to implement everything, one of the big big big hurdles that we kind of came to was if something were to come up and the nighttime ritual didn't go smoothly, or for some reason something came up and I only had 15 minutes when I normally you know have 45 or whatever it was was being okay with the ritual or the routine not going quite right. that habit was offered at night and that's it wasn't it wasn't ruined, you know, like you, you initially might have that feeling of just enjoying it.


So reworking my brain around Well, I still did something tonight I still gotten bed at the right time or I still made time to journal.


A couple this happens, life happens and being okay with that was a big hurdle that we had to overcome, I think was the biggest and most transformative issue that we really overcame, because it's kind of leaked into other aspects of life. I think that's the biggest like, like the outcome that I'm most excited about the most. Yeah, that was like the best part that came out of the routine.


[9:48] Valerie: Oh, that's so great. I don't think that you've ever shared that with me. I love it. Yeah. And it leads me to another question, which is for people who are listening and who are struggling with that consistency and kind of, you know, kicking ourselves because we didn't do the whole routine or the whole day ritual. What would you say is like a key, either phrase or sentence or just like the thing that you had to remind yourself that someone else could also use in their journey.


[10:25] Candice: The initial phrase that pops into my head is Be gentle with yourself. And the second thing that always comes up whenever I have these negative self-talk spirals that don't lie is just I would never say that to a friend. Why am I saying it to myself? 


​​And I think that's one thing that we often fall into whenever we don't do something quite the way we expected. 


And so, I think that just being gentle, and understanding that different seasons call for different things, is key and so the phrase that I would say would be I'm being gentle with myself in this season.


[11:15] Valerie: Yep I’m nodding along like yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And I love that you also said season, because this is something that I feel like we often forget about habits is that they do change and they do evolve.


And perhaps what our evening routine was before is going to evolve into something new now, and just thank you so much for sharing this today. I feel like this is going to be really helpful for everyone listening and just really taking it chunk by chunk day by day or night by night, I guess because we're talking about eating routines a little bit more simplifying and building on the habits once we started incorporating each of them and when it feels right for us. I think something that you mentioned earlier was about your intuition and kind of following that, and I know that I can make suggestions on the podcast or in workshops or on Instagram. 


[12:46] Candice: but when we're really working together is when we can really figure out what works best for you. And that's where that kind of customization comes along. For some people it takes a week of having the timer and then we implement the next habit for another week and another week and then for some people it takes only a couple days for us to get into it or even more than seven days. So yeah, I love all of the things that you shared. I feel like it would be so helpful to a lot of people listening. So thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your experience with us. Thank you so much for having me. I think that your input on everything was so invaluable. The whole time to like sometimes you're just too deep in the forest to see I forget the exact phrase…


Valerie: You can’t see the forest through the trees? I’ll have to look that up!


Candice: Because there were a couple of times when I was like I'm struggling with this and I'm too deepened to focus on whatever, they couldn't see it. So having your input and being able to take a step back. We will wait what about this and just have your bird's eye view a little bit better and have your expertise come in and kind of point out things to help guide me along and it wasn't a few this is your next step. It was like Well, what about this so I have the I felt really empowered to make the next steps and everything with your gentle guidance. So thank you.


[13:47] Valerie: You're so very welcome! Thank you so much!


As I relistened to this episode, I was reminded of so many amazing things that Candice shared, and I really want to highlight a few of them because they are so important and so relatable. I know that myself and the clients that I worked with have felt this way and that's I wanted to highlight a few of the things that she said so one of the things was giving yourself grace, sometimes what we thought we wanted to work on wasn't actually the thing that we needed, so we have to readjust and we have to tweak and you know we have to make those mistakes and we have to hit those roadblocks so that we can understand we fully what really supports us. 


And then the other thing she said was Be gentle with yourself. You wouldn't say it to a friend. Why are you saying it to yourself? Why the heck are we still speaking poorly about ourselves or to ourselves? There is no room for negative self-talk and this starts to make me feel really fired up because it is one of the most cutting and useless things that we do as women as humans as just people like why do we keep talking poorly about ourselves, we need to stop this mass. And that I thought was a really important reminder that I wanted to reiterate.


The other thing is that and again, this is something that Candice didn’t necessarily share in the conversation today but just like she is a rebel she also dives into a lot of personal development and understanding herself more and I wanted to share this because I thought it was a really important when you start to learn more about ourselves, and then we start to build those habits, those routines, those rituals, it actually becomes easier to implement these things because we have already identified or we already are connected to ourselves and our strengths and our weaknesses. And when we know these things early, it helps us prepare us for potential obstacles or hurdles. That we could come up against when we're in action. And the more you start to know about yourself either that's through the quiz that I shared today about the four tendencies, whether that's through astrology or human design or your Enneagram or your strengths finder, whatever it is that helps you learn more about you. You will start to notice that your success is not defined by someone else. It's only defined by you and your goals are going to be your goals and not someone else's. And then the feeling word that you want to connect to and the habits that you're creating. These will all start to make more sense and you'll be able to come into alignment with the things that really light you up and what the things that really bring you joy because they're for you and the person that you are here to be not the person that someone else thinks you should be. 


I feel like when Candace talks about wanting to do it as an all or nothing, I don't necessarily believe that that is her personality to do things, all or nothing. I think that this has the potential of being a huge impact on what society has kind of told us to do. In this culture and in this type of climate we're getting things done now. And I feel like that's something that's really influenced Candace and her momentum and her movement and her actions. 


So if you're feeling similar, I would love to chat more about this with you. I'd love to know what habits you're working on, what hurdles you're coming up against, or even just share how you like to get to know yourself. What are some of the practices you're into or what do you love to learn more about because I'm all about personal development, as you know.


And I know that Candice would love to hear your feedback to screenshot this episode, tag me on Instagram @vallavignelife, let us know that you're listening and share some of the insights and maybe some of the takeaways that you've learned from today or other episodes of the podcast. Thank you again for listening. 


It is so important to hear other people's stories and experiences and I'm really glad that you and I have connected here together on this show. So I look forward to doing this again next week with a very special guest and I'm going to leave it as a surprise because you know how I love surprises.


Okay, have a great week, and we'll see you next time!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude
 
 

E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude

Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to share a conversation from a lovely friend who has been impacted by the work that we've done together in creating one simple habit.

Rubani was searching for something more, something better in her life that would help her move from the space of negativity, pain and inaction, something that would break this pattern and bring success to her life.…


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[00:30] Valerie: I've asked Rubani to share her story and experience with her healthy habits as a way to encourage the listener to consider how you could also shift one thing in your own daily life to elevate your energy. 


So I have to ask, what were you feeling or where were you at in your life, let's say, before working together.


[1:23] Rubani: Plainly put, I think I was in a place that you could describe as lost. I felt like I felt like I was, you know, I want to say I ran out of options, but I felt like I didn't even know what my options were because I just felt very stuck in the mindset that I was in and I was just so scared of trying anything because everything. Everything felt like it was, you know, giving me nothing.


It almost felt like everything I was trying was failing for me. so I kind of got into this mindset of Oh, why try if it's if it's not going to turn out, you know, you want to be hopeful but at the same time if that's sort of what the pattern


That being created in your life has been showing you it's, you really do get discouraged but you so it was a very hard mindspace to be in because you feel very down in the dumps, if you will, because if you really just you lose hope you have no almost no faith. It's no matter how much someone tells you, you know, it's going to get better or you know, all the pleasantries if you will, you just you just, you just don't know how to find that. That hope and find that light but yeah. 


[2:52] Valerie: What was one of the things that you tried that didn't work?


Rubani: What was one of the things I tried that didn't work?


Honestly, simply thinking more positively. I think even just something as simple as that and feel fruitful at the time. And you know, it really just ended up being down the line, you know, a constant effort in changing your mindset and in trying to be as hopeful as possible, but it was it was like I was letting every, every little thing that went wrong. or interpreting the things that went wrong as just a total like, you know, total failure like an example of just, you know, no, no hope available anywhere was just very, very difficult so yeah I don't know if that answers the question.


Valerie: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like there's a lot of suggestions to be more positive and to keep moving forward and try something. And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.


Rubani: Exactly.


Valerie: And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.


Rubani: Exactly.


Valerie: Yeah. I appreciate you. You know, sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening would also walk can also relate. I know that I've felt that way before and I also am very happy to say that you trusted me. You trusted me and tried something new and offered a creative solution. So let us know what habit we work on together? What do we create together?


[4:29]  Rubani: So this is where it was so wild to me because I and I've told you this before, but you know, I will never forget that day when we were sort of just chatting about, you know, what was happening in my life and my, I don't want to call it an inability to make myself sound weak. But you know, I really did feel like I was unable to, to think anything other than, you know, oh, I'm destined for like a downfall in my mentality and my growth and all that stuff. And it's just so funny how you know, you hear people say bring it back to the basics, make it simple, keep it simple, etc, etc. And hearing you that day sitting across from me just saying, You know what, just think of one good thing that happened today. You don't even have to make it sound big by making it like a laundry list of things. Or having it be three things or two things. One simple thing. One good thing that happened there. Remember just sitting there and thinking about it and being like oh, wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. I didn't wake up with the pain that disables me from continuing with my day.


And I know how bad it has been in the past and I still live with back pain. I got chronic back pain, but the point is that day you know, it just allowed me to not worry about this one thing that sort of, I found took a little bit of control of my my mental health and all that but it was just understanding in that moment that you know, there's one thing there's one thing that happened that was good was enough to you know, to understand that you know you are you are able to have good in your life.


You just have to really, sometimes you do have to look for it. But sometimes it's already there. And you just have to sort of do a little bit of scraping and be like, oh, yeah, it was sitting right beside me. Cool. Okay.


[6:33] Valerie: Yeah, I think what's so wild as you said, about this is that you know, all the things that weren't working for you or the positivity like shift to a positive mindset change into this positive way of thinking and it's not that simple and yet it is at the same time. It's, it's reworking it for you because really what we were doing simplified is we were creating a gratitude practice for you, a daily gratitude practice. And my question for you is, what, what made it work for you or what did we do or you do to really make that work for you? So can you take us through like, what that looked like? Yes, I asked you that one day, but moving forward from there, what happened the next day when I wasn't sitting across from you?


[7:17] Rubani: Well, I think at that moment, I realized how, you know, simple it was to just sit and reflect. It's not first of all, it's not easy, but in that moment, I think something just clicked for me and I realized how easy it was to just sit and reflect and understand. You know, something as small seemingly small to someone else and maybe even to me sometimes, as as you know, your back not hurting versus, hey, I applied for five jobs today or I you know, climbed Everest like, No, something as small as that can count as progress can't count as success. So I think in that moment, when I realized that you can just, you know, it's that simple to to reflect and be grateful for something it was like, Oh, this can work. There's so much around me that I can be grateful for, you know, at that point, it was like, okay, the gates opened, you know, you can't stop. So, I think upon your suggestion, you know, I started writing, writing it down, and I've always been a fan of, you know, tangible ways of making ourselves, you know, really retain information and learning. And it's funny, because I've done that in the past I found hadn't worked for me, but again, I think it was just understanding and realizing in that moment how simple it was.


Made me want to do it even more, but it was just because I think and it's not because it was simple. It was because it was simple. And I realized how it could work for me was what made me want to pursue it more. And it you know, the thing is, it's very it I don't know if it's individualistic, but I think it's just I think at the end of the day, it's understanding what works for you, but I just was able to sit down and be like, Okay, I at the end of the day will write down if not just one thing to, if not okay, if not five things. Let's write down one thing or two things that were good, but then it grew from there. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to have warm socks. I'm really glad I had a rain jacket today. silly things like that. But it just allowed me to have honestly more pep in my step and I remember like, reflecting three months, four months, five months, six months, whatever, you know, after being in that initial space and just genuinely being shocked at the amount of progress I made. It's like it happened. I was very intentional with it at the beginning of course, but it's like then it's sort of working on a subconscious level. And it really took me by surprise when I when I was again reflecting and understanding what the change I had made. It was truly like a three like a 360 change in peace.



[10:00] Valerie: Don't tell us too much about it, because that's gonna be my next question for you. But I did want to touch on one of the things that you said kind of throughout the conversation that has really been about how before you were really looking outside of your environment and your situation and looking for change and looking for something that you know wasn't there like you had to create something to make things better. And what we did was, yes, it does fall under the umbrella, the umbrella of positivity and positive thinking, but instead of looking outside or changing something and having to make something happen, what you did instead was you looked at what you already have exactly what was good about what your day gave you or what are you experienced in this time or in this moment. And it was cool to watch you because I remember sitting there across from you and I remember thinking like oh my goodness, like there's just a cloud over your head with a gray cloud and it felt heavy. That's the best way I could describe it. And as soon as you took a moment it took like, I mean, this is like split seconds that happened in what's one thing what's one good thing that happened today, not like what are you grateful for? Right because I write down your gratitude journal. I say it all the time. But yeah, you're in a way that works for us. Right. So what's one good thing that happened to you today? And I could see it was cheesy as it sounds. It was like the clouds parted.


And the sun was shining through you're like oh my god, like but it was like a light bulb instead of the sunshine, you know? Yeah. Wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. And it was this literal, energetic shift. And if people could see right now how I'm I'm kind of like hunched over feeling kind of heavy in their shoulders and then all of a sudden, it was like you grew taller, and you're just and you're like, wait a second, and all of a sudden, that positivity that everybody was talking to you about it. It really puts you into a new perspective. And that's what was so powerful about that moment, and then even more powerful about the work that you did on your own. Which leads me to my final question for you, which is, what results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit? So you were telling us about three months down the road? 


[12:33] Rubani: Honestly, I think one of the biggest things and I think I always had this in my mind, you know before because I never really felt like I fit a mold and I don't think anyone really does and I don't think anyone should be into either, but for me, I think it just allowed me to redefine what I looked at as success and progress. And moving away from you know, the generalized, standardized ways that we have been conditioned to, you know, accept ourselves as successful and in showing progress and I think in in redefining the things that I looked at, as you know, as making me grateful and having me feeling thankful it was I think it was it was just coming to I think it gave me peace in many ways because and I kind of wanted to add this before but you know, sometimes it's even in things not working out the way that you want is exactly what you need to have happen for your progress. And that can be looked at as success that can be looked at as progress. I mean, you know, someone from the outside can look in, and sometimes even yourself can be like, Oh, but it should have worked out this way for me to be successful. But, that's not true. But sometimes, sometimes it's not working out of something that brings you peace. I think the biggest thing that you know this taught me is just redefining and reconditioning. I think my way of accepting how I looked at myself as successful and progressing in life. And, you know, today for example, I did a little bit of cleaning in one area of my room and we won't get into this too much, but it's been put off for a long time. But the second I did that I felt I felt so much better. I felt successful to a certain degree. I woke up an hour before this morning. In the last, let's say two to three weeks. To meet that was successful, you know, little things here and there. And that's really what it's all about. Because I think we've been and I think it's completely fair to do is to to look at the bigger picture and look at Hey, you know, now I'm making XYZ amount of dollars versus this that I was five years ago that successful or you know you have a house you have this typical as much as I hate to say it but typical things that you know, we've been told to look at to be like a if you have this you're successful, you don't have this you're not and having that people will still ask you those questions today to to you know, sort of check off in their minds if they find you that way. That way being successful or not, but that doesn't matter. How do you see yourself and I think the biggest thing it's taught me also is how to rely on myself to understand I'm the only one who can give myself this self worth. I'm the only one who can, you know, allow myself to see the world the way that I want to. I'm the one who can make that change.


And that change doesn't have to be grand. It can be small and then it grows from there. And it can take time. It doesn't have to be done in, you know, five minutes. It can take a week but you still get there and it's coming. It's also about letting go a little bit.


So yeah, it's honestly incredible sometimes I'm just in disbelief that you know this mindset even has taken a new home in my head but it has and it's great.


And you know what not every day is perfect like you know life life happens and challenges are thrown at you and you know sometimes you are you wonder sometimes you wonder like if you'll ever be back at the same place you were and sometimes you might not be and sometimes you will but I think I think the work that's been done has been done a for a reason, but it's always going to be with you and you know when I find myself in those moments of you know what, maybe I'm not as stressed and I'm not feeling as great about myself or I am feeling better sorry about myself. I just can feel that openness to let in the joy and let the gratefulness and thankfulness into my life. it is just there. and it's there for a reason because the work was put in the work.


[17:12] Valerie: And I think to like when you say putting the work in what people might be hearing I mean, the actor is so incredible, like you've learned so many things about yourself and what brings you joy and satisfaction in your life. Yes, the work that you put in was such a small habit, such a minor thing that could take one out a day. It was a fact that you stayed consistent with it. I think what's so powerful about this particular habit is that when you are recognizing and measuring the things that make you happy, that bring you joy, that bring you satisfaction, that light up your life that you're grateful for without even knowing it. So subconsciously, you're elevating your own energy and you're calling more things to satisfy you, more things to be attracted to and then you start to discover, you get to define success. you get to redefine success, not how other people see it, but how you see it, how you want to be remembered, recognize things that matter to you. And I think that in itself is so powerful, so there were so many different things that came from this. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us today. I really appreciate it.


Rubani: Of course! Thank you for having me.


[18:29] Valerie: Well, there you have it. I'm so excited to share this story with you because I feel like a lot of us have felt this flow before, a lot of us have felt this lost feeling and not really sure what to do and that kind of toxic positivity or even just genuine positivity just doesn't feel like enough. And sometimes the answer is simple. It's just not the right fit for us. So how can we customize the things that are meaningful? How can we find meaning in what we already have?


I know I talk about gratitude practices all the time. And if you heard from a previous client and guest, Jennifer

Episode #159 This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact


But same thing with Jenny Jenny had her own customized gratitude practice. They think this is something that's so powerful and so underutilized. And trust me when I say when I first heard about gratitude practices, I roll my eyes, but I tried it. I said you know what? It's like the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. You have to try it out. You have to know if it's right for you and how you can make it yours. For me. A gratitude practice was only going to work if it was a dot jot. format on my notes app on my phone. For Rubani it was one small thing, one thing a day. And for Jennifer we had three separate kinds of customized questions to answer that we're all coming back to gratitude. So tap into what you need and what resonates with you as you listen to the show today. Maybe just take a moment to close your eyes and breathe into what gratitude feels like for you. It could be a person, a place, a thing, a moment, an experience , a memory.


Or it could just be that you're grateful for being in this place and for us being connected because I know that I share it and thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.


Let me know that you're listening to the show by taking a screenshot of today's episode and posting it on social media where you can take me on Instagram @vallavignelife I'd love to see what you're up to and what you're grateful for. And I hope to connect with you very soon.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Junielle Rosher
 
 

E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Elle Rosher

This is truly a wonderful conversation that brings anxious, or futuristic minds back into the present moment without losing sight of our big dreams and goals…


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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Elle, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you on the show today. Welcome. Elle Rosher: Thank you for having me. I'm really excited when we get into it.

VL: Me too, and I am so excited to dive right in. So I'm just gonna go out there and ask for it. But what is so cool about what you do is you are a mindfulness coach. And there are so many different and sometimes complex parts of being a mindset coach and talking about mindset or the power of our brains and the power of our minds and all these different kinds of nuances to that. One of the things that I really find even for myself or I get really caught up in is when I start to set goals whether it's New Year's goals or business goals, or q3 goals, wherever I'm setting goals. I know that for myself, I tend to get really caught up in the big picture and dreaming big and I get so excited about all the things that could become that I actually breezed in that moment. And I'm like wait a second, that's too big for me. And I know a lot of people listening who I mean, the show was all about empowerment and having those big, hairy scary goals if you want to call them up and delicious girls. So I know that I've gone along in that frozen feeling. Where is this? Where do we start with this?


[2:48] ER: Oh, such a good question. Oh my gosh, I love this. So the thing that I think we tend to forget is like if you can imagine it, if you can believe in the possibility that means that it can happen.


And what happens is, we get so focused on where we are right now and the mind and in particular the beliefs that we have about what we are where we are right now. And we apply it to the future. And so like if you're already thinking like, man, like right now I'm only making like $50,000 in my business and I want to make six figures next year. Like how in the world am I going to do that right and then we get focused on the how like, like where we don't have the power over controlling what other people do controlling the weather right? We're not We're not God, we're not a higher power. So the fact that we get stuck in that really does cause us to freeze because we don't know the exact steps that we are going to need to take to get there. And so you know, when you have that big and audacious goal, it's really about how you want to feel and what it would be like and what it would look like. And then and then releasing it in terms of just recognizing that you can only control music and your actions. And so by no means am I saying okay, let's just like when he said like we would release like you know, like those candles, like go up in the air right and like okay, it'll it'll happen right on your dwindling and it will show up like No, no, no, you have to take action. But what's the point of all of that is to allow for the unknown, to be exciting. You know, like, you don't have to know how it's going to happen. You don't have to know the exact steps. Just know that you are capable and that you are deserving of it. You know, like even like being on like this podcast, it was like something that I that I thought about and the way that it happened was like like, I hadn't considered that it would have happened like this where like, I comment and I congratulate you on on that post and then you say hey, we're like, like, come on some time. I hadn't considered that at all. And like, but what happens is like, we'll get caught up in the way that we were supposed to do it, completely eliminating all the other possibilities and not being open to what could happen.


[5:48] VL: I love that so much. I just got goosebumps because I really like to let go but how to make space for the magic and the possibility of what could happen. This has happened to me so much in the last couple of years. I went from working at like three different Pilates studios to owning my own Pilates studio. And I never thought like how would I even do that? I mean, it was a huge, amazing dream for me. And I'm like, and then when I were to share the story of how it happened it was nothing what I thought I never ever thought that it would happen in that way. And I could have never imagined that but because I didn't stress about how it just happened. And again, like it's so cool to kind of look back on all the things that we've done and and where we've come from and even you know things like this, like what you said I left a comment on your post and then it led to this conversation right here right now. So I think that's a really important reminder and I definitely needed to hear that today as well. So let's break this down just a little bit because I like to offer steps and I like to offer tangible practices. That's how I like to do it here. And so we have our goal. It kind of freaks us out and gets us really excited. We have this vision for the future. What should we write about? Do we just kind of meditate on it? Is there something that we're supposed to be doing to tell somebody?


[7:20] ER:  I really think it depends on who you are. You know, maybe that visual is really good. Like for me I have a digital vision board as my screensaver on my laptop. I opened it up.


Like that's what I want. right? And for others, especially me, it really helps to be held accountable because you know when things are really hectic or just getting a little down to be hard to, again, like, feel the, the emotion of what it would be like to be in, to achieve that goal, right.


So I think like, the method doesn't really matter, like do whatever feels right to you, but just make sure that you see it on a regular basis. So it's not like the New Year's resolution where we have things from December 20 to like December 31 Or maybe like January 10 and then make this day can you like to stumble on it? And you're like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna do that this year, right? And then you completely forget about it. So I think like once it is something where you see ideally on a daily or weekly basis where you're just constantly reminded and then and then like really envisioning it, I think like that's like the most important thing, right? So be like, like really feeling into it like what would that look like? What would that feel like and get specific, you know, like, are you waking up in the morning with like, it's just quiet, right? like there's no things going off and you can sit down for two hours, have your morning coffee and read and do a buddy yoga like, what does that look like? and that's how you feel? feel free? I feel open, I feel expansive it's like, like those are the things you really want to get into.


[9:22] VL: I think that's wonderful and kind of curates the method that feels best for you. Like if you are someone who's really visual or if you are someone who likes to meditate if you're already journaling, incorporate that into what you're already doing. I think that's great, that's a great tip or if you're not already doing any of those things we could like I just wrote down like digital screensaver vision boards need to do this today.


I'm definitely going to be doing that.


That's a great one. So we have created the practice for us to tap into those feelings to feel, see and really connect to that control. And then we let it go. We release how we release the overwhelming thoughts of it. Now, if you're anything like me, and I know you're an Air sign, this probably resonates with all of us that we can have trouble grounding.


So now basically like we want to release it and we're kind of kind of doing it but we're having trouble like where's the stepping stone or as a starting point how do I get my feet on the ground?


[10:38] ER: What I like to do and again this is just like personal to me but yes, well i i For me like getting grounded. Oh my gosh, like until I really like tapped into who I am as an individual in my air sign, like it just made sense. And so for me like what I need to do is like, like just like starting with like the first couple of steps. You know, like literally just the first three steps and sometimes even that's overwhelming for me. And so I need to say okay, like that's what is that step? Okay, you meet, let's just open up my laptop. Like I'm trying to send that email for example. Okay, open up the laptop. Okay, now, Google browser. Okay, now Google Doc is like typing out the draft that I need. Right? And so I think like just taking those little steps and for me what's also helpful is setting either like a little mental or like actual timers of like five minutes, like, you're not putting any thought into this.


As in, you're not going to overthink it, right? You're just going to put the amount of thought that is needed to execute on the task and that alone, because I find that if I'm overthinking again I'm stuck. I'm not really getting anywhere. But if I like having a dance party or I'm feeling really good. What would take me 20 minutes under stressful situations takes me to it.


You know, and so once I know what those first initial steps are, and again, I'm in that right?


I wouldn't say bright but a positive, a good empowering headspace and, and, like emotional space. That's when I find it's really easy for me to do. And a way to kind of check in with yourself is to figure out what you are, what you're doing. I would like to do this. And if this is a oh yeah, like I genuinely genuinely want to do this. And for that you should really ask yourself why you're doing it. Like is it because someone told you to do it? Or is it because, like, again, when you're envisioning what you want for yourself, these are the kinds of things that you need. To do this because the truth is that there does come a point where we need to sacrifice what we are currently doing or parts or the little thing that we are currently doing that hinders us from going to that next level, right? A lot of the challenges that we have is that you're holding on to a lot of baggage, a lot of weight and we need to kind of like release it in order to incorporate right. So like really check in with yourself and ask why you are doing what you are doing and build that self trust.


[13:50] VL: Oh self trust! 

That is not always an easy thing to do. But I will say something that really helped me build trust. This was like, very early on in my business, taking baby steps was taking action. So if I said today, I'm going to send an email. I had to send an email today to build that trust. And if I didn't send that email, I would lose trust with myself. And I'm sure you have learned this a little bit more about me since I've met a healthy habit mentor and I talk about, you know, different healthy habits as a unit corporated into our lives. So as you're describing, you know, checking in with ourselves and taking those actions to get to a bigger vision or that lead us to that bigger vision. You know, whether it's letting go of something or incorporating something in it. Those are the little actions that help move the needle forward. But it's not about like you said, you know, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the manifestation to appear. It's about doing something, doing the work, doing that small thing that we're implementing each day. And for me building trust with myself meant doing what I said I was gonna do, but it doesn't have to be. I think this is where I get the most stuck because one of my strengths and also my weaknesses is that I am very future oriented or very futuristic. I can see like any runnable future for you to describe your business to me, I would be like, Oh, I know that you're doing things like this podcast episode is only the beginning of something great and I can like fire you overwhelmed with excitement. And I do it with myself too. And then the next day, I'm like, oh, that's big. That's big dreams. Like, really pull the reins on the horse like whoa, and then all these things start to creep in. Whether it's like a negative mindset and limiting beliefs or like excuses, oh, I can't send that email today because of this. Right? So I feel like that's where the negative self talk starts to come in. So I like that you said you know, get yourself in that positive mindset. And that could also be something that people customize for themselves too. Right? Do you love dance parties and listening to music? Do you love moving your body or going for a run or just being outside in nature and really tapping into that, what I like to call a frequency or energy because that's kind of what actually pushes us physically forward. And that's where I think a lot of that magic happens and a lot of that transformation happen.


[16:45] ER: yeah, yes. And what came to mind as he said, that was, you know, like when you think about, like dieting for example, if you're trying to change up the way that you eat, it can be really difficult to remove most or if not all, like the junk food or the or like things that like aren't really helpful for that goal that you have in mind. But if you add in more of the healthier options, that will eventually kind of shift what you're doing and so, you know, I think that it can be detrimental to kind of go down that rabbit hole of like oh, why do I have this negative self talk and then you kind of like piece it back to like your childhood and now you're kind of stuck there. When in reality, if you just incorporate a little bit more of that positive self talk, right? Like maybe like listening to an episode of this podcast, right, just getting you more in that headspace and, and how you want to feel, then it really does become easier to do that more and more and, and build that habit of just like being kind to yourself, like, let's stop being roommates with ourselves and let's be our best friends. Let's be our cheerleaders. Because I mean, we're living with each other for the rest of our lives. So like we have to, we have to be kind, we have to make nice to be with ourselves, you know?


[18:21] VL: I love that I've never really heard that kind of phrasing before. of, you know, being in a relationship with ourselves and being kind to ourselves. So what would you say are maybe like, three ish or more if you want habits of how we could be kind to ourselves daily, like what are some things that we could do every single day to cultivate this relationship?


[18:48] ER: Oh, I like this question. Okay, let's do like a, like a physical, spiritual, emotional thing. Okay, so like, physically doing that thing for yourself that you present like that just makes you feel good. So for me, it's showering like, I don't know if it's because when I was younger, I'd always take showers in the morning. But whatever that is, whatever the case is, until I take a shower like I don't feel like myself, you know? So some do things that physically make you feel good.


Emotionally, cheering yourself on, like going back in and seeing something that you're really proud of yourself. for doing.


And, and again, just really like sitting with that and appreciating yourself for that. And oh, and to another thing for emotionality is like showing yourself grace, if you do something that you weren't proud of or like you made a mistake or if you failed, I'm using that with air quotes.


Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. but mentally is too kind of like I don't want to say like affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day, and kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome.


Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's see resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. But mentally is kind of like I don't want to say affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day. And kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome in order for that to happen in setting what I refer to as internal boundaries. So like any time, that negative self talk comes in, because you have set an intention to to divert those thoughts. You're able to catch it quicker. You're like, Oh, I see you and I'm acknowledging you and I'm labeling you. Right. I'm not mad at you. You don't think thank you for showing up. You're clearly indicating to me that this is a time for me to feel loved again, before I go back out into the world right? so thank you negative self-talk for showing up. Okay, now let's redirect this so that it's more positive and conducive to my well being and continue on from there.


[21:25] VL: Those were great!


Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's And then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, How do we know if we are on the right track? or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?


[21:55] ER: Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's and then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, how do we know if we are on the right track? Or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?


If you find that you are in more of like, the the mode and the mood that you had envisioned for yourself and if you are able to if you see, I don't like It's hard because you like you want to, like be positive, but then you don't want to go into like that toxic positivity like, oh, I'm thinking positive thoughts all the time.


But sometimes in order to like to really recognize change, you need to see what you are doing differently. And that might be like, like, less like negative self talk, you know, like, maybe you are taking more action.


Maybe there you find that you have more time to be creative. You know, like to give you a perfect example six months ago, I was just so fixated on my business, that I wasn't really doing much of anything for myself per se, you know, and then just recently my partner and I, we started our like gift shopping and I saw a hand lettering book in in chapters, and I've always wanted to try my hand at calligraphy. And so I said, Oh, you know what, yeah, let me pick up this book and you know, like, I've been dedicating time to do that and it's been fun and I have like my candle lit. I got some nice calming music going on. And you know, set time for myself whereas like, pass out what's not doing you know, so like, just like recognizing how far you've come and, and allowing that to be enough no matter how no matter like the distance you've gone, you know, because maybe it's just the fact that you have more awareness that you are growing, you know, or maybe it is something a bit more substantial that you're noticing. It really doesn't matter what it is just being present and recognizing that.


[24:17] VL: Yeah, I think that's special to recognize where you are and how far you've come. I mean, like I said, I wanted to play studio for a very long time. And if you asked me when I was 19 or if you told me when I was 17 like you'll have it right before you turn 30 You're good to go. Pilates studio. I feel like that's so far away. I can't wait 10 years for that. So you know, reminding yourself of the work that you have to doing and that it does take time and you don't have to know how like we've been we've been talking about but trusting that if you keep doing what you're doing that you're going to grow and I also think too, as much as I love goal setting, and there's something really important to recognize that there. We leave room for the magic. we're also leaving room for surprises, surprises of like, oh, I didn't know this was really interesting. Oh I didn't know that slavery was going to bring me so much joy. I didn't realize it was going to be so, such a huge part of my self care. Right.


I’ve been learning French on Duolingo for over 500 days in a row. Honestly, it started as something for me that I was like I need to turn my brain off every time like I'm not sleeping well because like all I'm thinking about is work. So I thought okay, well, my brain is busy so I want to do something. But how can I switch gears for something that's not working like meditation was just not working for me anymore? Like I can't, my brain is going crazy. So then I thought oh, learning any language would be really cool because I have to think in this new language. I can't think about work and do it in French. So, so yeah, I started doing that. And then it became just like, it became a meditation for me because it was just like anytime, you know, I was learning something and now that I built it up like, again, I think that I would be doing this for over 500 days days. That's pretty crazy.


But I'm so glad and I'm loving this skill and maybe one day that you're running my business in Paris and speaking in French, so maybe the content will become bilingual. So I'm leaving room for magic and for surprises.


[26:50] ER: Because here's the thing, like we don't know ourselves fully until we experience things right. It's like you don't know that you don't like that for me and you love me and until you dry it right? Like if you can go into the same restaurant eating the same meal over and over and over again, to the point where like you don't deviate from anything you have you aren't leaving room for those surprises. You know, and so that's just like perpetuating the version of you that is here right now. But that isn't allowing for that future you to really show up the way that you want to write the way that you have set that goal.


[27:33] VL: Yeah, absolutely. And it really can be as simple as it sounds like setting a theme for the day. I do this every morning where I stir my coffee and I'm stirring an intention into my coffee. I'm like how do I want to feel today? But I want to be today. How do I want to respond to things today? And that's something that's become such a ritual for me for the last probably a year that I've been trying it out and it really works for me and what's great about it is it can change and evolve as humans do. So you know today I have an interview with you. I have a lot on my to do list today. So today one of my intentions was to be present because I wanted to be in the moment and not think about all the things and so actually it's so funny that we're talking about this today because I have a lot of things to do in a very short two week deadline. And I'm like, okay, don't panic, it's going to be okay. This will all work out somehow it always does. So, and then what I ended up doing was because I have two weeks to get a bunch of podcast episodes done and a bunch of other things done that I wrote down. I called it my project management calendar. And I said I want all the little due dates of the next couple of weeks and then I'm just like plugging in, you know, what would be realistic for me to edit this episode and when can I start writing about this, the show notes and all that stuff. But you've given me such an idea to maybe write an intention for each of the days of like, okay, like this is the goal for today is actually to feel this. Yes, this is the outcome that I'd love to have and have this episode ready to go. But this is how I want to feel when I'm doing it.


[29:14] ER: Because then your energy is what's really driving the level of a good friend of mine who's actually Ontario's own poet laureate, Randell Adjei he, he once said You know, it's not about managing your time, the lesson is about managing your energy.


And so if you're, if you're, again, catastrophizing like, oh, gosh, I have all these things to do because of the deadline, like you're just draining your energy. So it's going to be this uphill battle because that is what he said. He basically said, Oh, I don't have time, is GUI dead, right? Oh, my gosh, I'm stressed right? Whereas if you are just bringing yourself back to the present moment of Yeah, right now I'm stirring my coffee. Like, how awesome is it to have the ability to just have this like this, this mindfulness moment. We started my coffee and setting an intention and doing all of that, you know, like, this is amazing. and that way like you're keeping your energy right now in this moment, preserving it and using it when you need to and using it in, in a, in a way that actually feel the you instead of depletes you. 


[30:32] VL: For sure 100% That's exactly what it's like. because I have in the past spent more time worrying about something on my to do list than I do actually taking action on it. and I know that if I spent just as much time worrying about it ever just as much time doing it as I have worried about it, or energy for that matter, it would have been done by now.


[30:50] ER: Yeah, and doesn't it feel like you already did it 10 times over by the time you actually sit down to do it and do it over and over again?


[30:59] VL: Yes, and more often than not, I finish fast and I'm like, Well, that wasn't that bad.


[31:07] ER: Exactly. And so like, again, just recognizing a lot of that.


A lot of that is like pride and ego coming into it and not really you. You know because I wanted to do and when you are in your element, like in the flow of things and doing what you're supposed to be doing what you're meant to be doing. It's so much simpler. But then when the negative self talk when ego was like, like past situations happen, or you start thinking about those past experiences. It just, it just rains on your parade. It just crashes your party and it's not great, not great.


[31:55] VL: Oh my goodness Elle this has been such an incredible conversation. I feel like there were so many golden nuggets that you shared today. I did make some notes. I'm very excited to be sharing this episode with the community as well. and where we go into kind of a final segment of the show I did want to ask is there anything that hasn't been said today that you wanted to share before we move on?


[32:23] ER: Yeah, to me, talking about being present, being mindful of the fact that a lot of your energy will come from or like energy depletion will come from ruminating on the past. And catastrophizing, the future, that nine times out of 10. If you are able to do either of those. You are currently in a state where you can be in the present moment and be the person and be doing the things that are helpful. to you and your wellbeing you know, so it does take a while to catch that. like I even find that there's times when I find myself  deep in a conversation with some man that isn't here. like whoa, okay, hold on. I'll bring it back.


Bring it back. We are not with that person right now. What are we doing? Right? So recognize that that will take time, but just building that awareness is so important, and that's always like the first step. And then the second thing I'd love to add as well is that whatever steps you are at, that is the stuff where you see and you're not supposed to be ahead and close your eyes or you're not behind. You're just exactly where you will be. Even if you feel like you are at step three and you still have like 99 more steps to go. Step three is just fine. You will eventually get there. But no matter what, whatever you learn from this current stuff is actually what is needed for the next step. Right so don't be worried about trying to like, skip ahead or kind of fast track things, in hopes that you'll get it sooner because maybe the timing isn't what matters, and the outcome is it.


[34:54] VL: That was a perfect note, to have a perfect note to end the conversation on I feel like this is an ongoing journey with ourselves and really connecting to how we change and how we grow each day and what that looks like what that feels like because really when we have these big goals are not an instance essentially get there tomorrow, but things do need to change to get there and that can be uncomfortable and that can be sticky and that can look like a lot of different things for different people. So really just taking it day by day, being present, being being okay with where you are and knowing that this is where you need to be I think writing all those down. 



[35:35] ER: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like it's like that saying that's like I'm probably gonna like where they say like what you do in 10 years. It's like exponential what you do in one year, or maybe even condense like what you do in a year is so much bigger than what you do each day. Because each day is like you're building up, and you're gaining momentum to buy so that by the time the end of the year comes around, you've actually been working a lot of work even though you were in it. It didn't feel like it at the time, but when you look back Oh, like okay, no, I've made a lot of progress. 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. There we go.


[36:16] VL: 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. 


[36:25] ER: There we go.


[36:31] VL: I know what you're talking about. Yes. Yeah, it's so true. I do this. amazing Okay, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you and how we can support your business.


[36:44] ER: Elle Rosher @ellerosher 


[37:51]  RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading?

Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza 


2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Living life on your own terms because you deserve to have it.


3. What is your longest standing habit?

Okay, I'm gonna have to say Duolingo I've been doing that for like 274 days straight.


4. What are you currently working toward?

Embodying my authentic self. Like she is really cool. And she's also kind of intimidating. And she's also kind of intimidating.


VL: Thank you so much, again for being on the podcast. This has been an absolute pleasure. I like the only thing that I'm thinking is how have I not had you on the show sooner? But everything in its timing. So I'm dressed at trusting the house trusting the process. So I'm really glad that you commented on my Instagram post and it led us to this and I'm excited to see where our relationship will move into the next elevation the next growth like what Yeah, and I also want to acknowledge you for everything that you're doing the pivot that you're making, the shifts that you're taking, and also the people that you're helping. I know I haven't known you for very long, but even just after this conversation, I feel very full and very happy and joyful speaking with you because I know that like this authentic energy that you're talking about. I feel like you were able to speak so openly. And I'm so happy and excited with myself today. We don't really know each other that well for people to say. Yeah, I kind of like actually connecting even though we have lots of mutual friends. But what's so cool is being able to now kind of like watch your journey and watch your evolution and see where all of these amazing things are doing take you so, super, super, super excited for you and for your daydreams and just know that I'm in your corner.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E163: Habits VS Rituals
 
 

E163: Habits VS Rituals

What is the difference between habits and rituals? Do all our habits have to be rituals? How can we stay consistent with our commitments? This podcast episodes answers these questions and more…


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Hi there and welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am buzzing with excitement because we have just started our first ever Elevate Your Life 21 day commitment to healthier habits aka the 21 day healthy habit challenge and over 70 of you have joined in for the next 3 weeks! WOW! 


If you’re listening to this episode and you are also in the challenge I want to say THANK YOU so much for being a part of this, it is so meaningful to me that you’re here.


And if you’re listening to this episode I am so grateful for YOU and that you are here with me during this show. If you weren’t able to be part of the challenge, I am collecting feedback to learn if people are interested in joining the next round. If you are, you can send me a note on instagram @vallavignelife and I will set something up for the second quarter!


[1:28] Now, onto our episode. Today’s topic was inspired by a mastermind I was invited to speak at and I talked about Habits versus Rituals. These two things are sometimes said interchangeably, and although they are similar, they do have a key difference. Habits are an action that is done repeatedly. Rituals are done repeatedly with a purpose that is outside the action itself.


Here are some examples:


A habit of stirring your morning coffee; The ritual is stirring the intention for the day into your coffee


The habit of taking a shower; The ritual of washing off the day in the shower


A habit to get dressed; The ritual of putting on clothes that elevate your energy and self worth


The habit of your daily skin care routine; The ritual of saying self-love affirmations when you look at yourself in the mirror


If you were to see yourself stirring your coffee, taking a shower, getting dressed, or performing your skincare routine, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the habit and the ritual, because the actions are the same, but the meaning or purpose behind the action is what separates habits and rituals. 


[2:57] During the mastermind there were a few questions that popped up. The first one was, does every habit we do have to be a ritual?


And the short answer is no. Whether we realize it or not, every single one of us has heaps of habits that we do each day. If each of those habits were rituals, then we would probably be living very mindfully, similar to Buddhist monks. And although this is an incredibly powerful lifestyle and practice, it isn’t always realistic to have every single one of our habits be a ritual. 


[3:33] Now that being said, if you can think about some of your daily habits, which ones are already a ritual, or which ones could you make a little more meaningful or bring more purpose to?


I think the most common and helpful examples of these types of habits tend to be in our morning or evening routines. Because the morning is an opportunity to decide how we want to spend our day, or how we want to feel and show up for the day. And our evening routine is our time to close the day, wind down for the night and prepare for a quality sleep. The morning and evening routines are what I like to call the bookends of our day. They may be separate, but they actually support each other as well as our events and our experiences. 


Take a moment to consider your morning and evening routines and habits. How can you incorporate purpose into these current routines?


Perhaps you have a habit of stretching for 10 minutes in the morning, the ritual could be to create connection with your physical, mental, and emotional self as you are stretching. 


Maybe you diffuse sleepy time oils in the evening. A ritual could be that when you start the diffuser you take a moment of mindfulness to allow any negative events of the day to calmly diffuse from your own body. Or any busy thoughts to release so you can have a more restful sleep. 


I’d love for you to come up with your own practices and share them with me! Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and share your habits turned rituals with me there.


[6:00] Don’t worry if you are having a hard time coming up with purpose or meaning for your habits. This was another question that came up in the mastermind: how do we make a habit a ritual?


The simplest way to do this is by choosing a feeling word. I guess I should say, it’s really the best place to start. How do you want to feel? Here are some of the responses of our challenge members:


Empowered, authentically happy, free, tranquil, peaceful and at ease, healthy and energized, resilient, invigorated, alive, refreshed, young, fit, calm, healthy, present, centred, focused, strong, productive, optimized, grounded, connected, and motivated.


The next step would be to think about different actions, behaviours, moments, or experiences where you already felt connected to your feeling word?


I have felt empowered when I put on clothes that make me feel good, I feel happy when I spend time with people I love, I feel peaceful and at ease when I am in nature, I feel young when I dance like no one is watching, I feel present when I practice breathwork, etc.


Now I am giving all these examples, but I’m not saying do them all at once or start all these new habits and rituals! No, no no!


Choose one or two feeling words and go from there! Once you have your feeling word and your action, you can decide where this new ritual would best fit in.


Maybe you already play music while you make dinner and you want to feel young. So you make a sweet playlist of all your favourite songs from back in the day and while you’re making dinner you listen to this music and dance like no one is watching! 


As another example, if you want to connect more to happiness and spend more time with people you love, you could carve out time or schedule time in your calendar to have family members over, or create family time in your home and during that time you are present with the people around you. Maybe you ask them what brings them happiness or joy or their own word and incorporate the things that they like too! Perhaps it’s a family game night or movie night or everyone doing their own thing in one space together. 


[8:27] So now you understand the difference between habits and rituals, have your feeling word, your new ritual, and you might be wondering how do I stay consistent with this new commitment? 


Great question. I will start with the short answer: effective practice. The idea for our new habit starts in the front of our brain also known as the prefrontal cortex. This is only the idea, decision, and planning of our new ritual, however it has not become habitual yet. It is not automated. 


Our voluntary motor movements, and routine behaviours are associated with a deeper part of our brain called the basal ganglia. This is the area of the brain where our automatic habits come from. 


So right now, we are creating a new ritual and this podcast episode is activating your prefrontal cortex, however the habit of how you sit in your car, put on your seatbelt, and start this podcast to listen on a drive are habits that you have repeated effectively again and again over time and now are automatic. I would actually bet that you get in your car the exact same way every time or in the same habitual pattern every time. 


You might be driving and listening to this podcast episode and you probably weren’t even consciously aware of how you got into your car or whether your seatbelt went on first or you started your car first, because you didn’t have to think about it, you just did it!


This makes forming rituals more mindful and purposeful, and in turn your daily activities and habits are more conscious and can improve/elevate your life. In the book Atomic Habits, the author James Clear talks about how if you were to improve your life with a small habit every day by 1%, after 365 days - or one year - you would have been able to improve yourself by 365%. That is of course if you effectively repeat the habit every day for one year. 


[12:40] This long answer so far explains what it takes to create a new ritual or habit and why it’s so important but HOW? How do we stay consistent?? And it’s really about taking action again and again!


A lot of people think that habit forming is all about our minds and our mindset, and yes that is a huge and important part of it. However since the habit is so deeply rooted into our brain, it is our physical body that is actually performing the habit, even when our mind knows otherwise. 


My favourite example of this mind-habit vs body-habit is when you leave a room and turn off the light automatically, but someone is in the room and needs the light on.


You KNOW, your brain KNOWS, and your body knows that someone is in the room - you were just interacting with them! But your body turns the light off as you exit anyway. And what do people usually say when this happens? “Oh sorry! Force of habit!”


Your physical body does all the things it needs to do for the whole day automatically. You could be - and there are many people who are - on autopilot day in and day out. When you start to have these incredible ideas of shifting your habits and swapping bad behaviours with empowering rituals, your brain is all excited and your physical body might be in the moment, but when the time comes to actually make the move your physical body starts to reject this.


And here’s what happens... Let’s say your new commitment is to turn off Netflix after 1 episode and go upstairs to bed to read a chapter of your book. Your idea lights you up and you are excited and eager to complete this habit.


Fast forward to you on the couch and you just finished an episode, and your brain says “okay time to read!” Your physical body does not recognize this information from your brain and then sends signals to your brain to say “quick tell her all the reasons why we shouldn’t go upstairs, and that we should just watch one more episode on the couch.” Your BODY is doing this, but of course we can’t hear our body so instead we hear our brain and all of the sudden our brain is like some toddler throwing a tantrum of why we shouldn’t be leaving the couch. 


And then you’re telling yourself “okay just one more episode!” Mind quiet, body happy - for now. And then… four episodes later your brain is like” whoa whoa whoa, what in the?? How did we not read a single page?” and thennnn the guilt and shame and everything else piles on and we start this vicious cycle of noise that ultimately isn’t helping us move forward in the direction of our new goals. 


Trust me, I’m getting to the how part! The best way to stay consistent is to stay in action. Using our example:


Episode finishes. Action one: turn off the TV. Body/mind might be upset. Everything will be okay. Small action. Leave no more time, action two: stand up. Action three: walk upstairs. Action four: get the book. Action five open book, and I think you get the point. 


[17:02] Mel Robbins describes this really well when she talks about her countdownt 5-4-3-2-1. With her story she gives herself this countdown to stop the brain from communicating to you that this new behaviour is going to happen, and after one its lift off and you are physically taking action. 


Over time, and with this practice you and your body will start to sync up with these new habits. The more you can repeat this, the quicker the habit will form. It does take some time. It does take small actions, it does take repetition. How many days? Well that depends. Everyone is different and it will depend on how frequently and how consistent you will be throughout the time. 


I was joking with my friend who is a dental hygienist and I said it took me a few weeks to start the daily flossing habit, but it really took me 30 years! LOL When it came to me flossing it was a simple mindset shift that put me in action, and then I was able to consistently take that action and have made flossing a habit. HOWEVER I tried so many times and with so many different techniques to start flossing. And with my other habits a lot of these techniques had been successful, but not for my flossing apparently. So anyway. All that being said, I encourage you to give yourself grace. 


Be mindful when working at forming a new habit, try different things, experiment with what has worked in the past and be the observer of your thoughts and connect with yourself to understand you better and how the habit will form. 


If you are looking for more accountability and connection, I would love to invite you into my Make a Habit Mentorship Program. It is a 1:1 coaching program that runs for 4 weeks with options to continue forward. We connect with weekly calls and focus on your specific habit, needs, and obstacles that arise. If you are looking to work with me and build better habits to improve your life and make a bigger impact, you can learn more and sign up at www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship 


Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode, we have some really wonderful guests joining us this month and next month including some past clients and mindset coaches. I’m really looking forward to introducing them. 


For now, I wish you much success with your new habits and rituals! The purpose and intention behind your rituals are going to be huge for taking action. Remind yourself of them when you’re feeling stuck or avoiding the new ritual. 


Okay beautiful human. That’s all for today, slide into the DMs @vallavignelife with you new habits and rituals or screenshot this episode and tag me so I know which episodes you’re listening to and can cheer on your new goals!


See you next week!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E162: Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022 [PART TWO]
 
 

E162: Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022 [PART TWO]

Create new lifestyle patterns, behaviours, and habits with these four simple phases you can start putting into practice to make this year GREAT!


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[00:38] Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, we are diving right into this new year with today’s episode all about creating new lifestyle patterns for 2022 or any year for that matter. 


If you are new to the show, welcome, I’m Valerie, your Healthy Habit Mentor and I am thrilled for this new year. 


Last week on the podcast I shared the first part of this two-part series. It was all about letting go of old patterns. Technically you don’t have to listen to that episode to tune into this one, although it is very helpful to make space for new patterns if we clear out some old ones. Episode 161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

In the previous episode I shared a list of behaviours, habits, and patterns that I was letting go of to create space for the new lifestyle patterns I am bringing in for 2022. When I talk about lifestyle patterns, what I’m speaking about is anything from habits, to mindset, to routines, to emotional responses, and anything and everything in between! 


With that being said, I do recommend starting small, but we will get into that shortly. We have to remember that a lifestyle pattern is something that is repeated again and again. Therefore we want to make sure we create a new behaviour/routine/practice that we can easily duplicate so that it becomes habitual. 


And if you’ve ever worked with me before, or if you’ve been following along with the podcast and/or instagram then you will know, we always start with our intention.


This brings us to the first phase in creating new lifestyle patterns.

[02:27] Phase One: Initiation

Decide what the new behaviour/habit will be, AND why this is important to you. The reason why will become the value or driving force and motivation for your actions. Your intention could be how you want to feel, or a bigger goal the habit supports.


Examples:

Drinking your daily greens mix because you want to feel healthier and happier 


You want to build a consistent workout routine because you want to feel more energized in your body and eliminate back pain


Weekly CEO dates with yourself because you want to impact more people through your business

Knowing WHY you are doing something is the heart and soul of the new pattern you are creating. Remember that habits are not habits yet, they are first new behaviours and the brain performs new behaviours differently than it does with habits. We need repetition and time to make a behaviour automatic. Because new patterns form in the prefrontal cortex, the brain is more aware of these and the motivation for making this new habit will be part of this awareness that motivates us.


Speaking of motivation, this helps us with phase two of creating our new lifestyle patterns

[4:33] Phase Two: Trigger or Cue

Forming a new habit requires a trigger that sets the habit in motion. The trigger or cue follows the formula, when this happens, then that follows. “This” is the action or behaviour already part of our routines aka the cue, and “that” is the new behaviour we are creating.


You can use current automatic behaviours as triggers for your new habit. Let’s use our examples:

When I go to the kitchen to brew my morning coffee, then I mix my daily greens


When I finish work on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:30pm, then I go to the gym on the way home


When I see the CEO day in my calendar, then I focus on this intention for the time blocked in my schedule 


Some of our new patterns will be daily and others only a few times a week, so it helps to be as specific as possible. The triggers can be even more specific such as putting on workout clothes, or sitting at my desk on fridays. 


Here are some other helpful tips to create your new habit in this phase:

Get specific: Schedule two specific times during the week you will go to the gym, and schedule it at the same time every week.


Plan ahead: have your greens powder on the counter, so that it’s the first thing you in the mornings


Set reminders or alerts: Create an event in your calendar for your CEO days. Perhaps it’s once a month, or maybe once a week. Edit the event in your electronic calendar to remind you about the event in advance. You can adjust it and add multiple reminders. 


As an extra note: I find with events like this one, it also helps to get specific with which tasks you will be doing during this blocked time. For example, when I am doing my podcast producing, I add this into my calendar as “Podcasting” and in the notes section write out which episodes I’m working on, am I recording, or am I writing out the show notes? Am I designing the cover art, editing? Having this ready for me when I get to that time really helps with my productivity. 

 


The third phase of creating our new lifestyle pattern is 

[7:54] Phase Three: Routine

In last week’s episode I shared three little rituals for letting go, and I mentioned that these were great little ceremonies to jumpstart our initiation phase. However, they were not going to actually change our behaviours right then and there, we actually have to perform the new pattern and then repeat it over time for it to become our new habit.


This is what phase three is all about, actually doing the work. Sometimes when I hear myself say “do the work” I notice that that isn’t always a positive phrase or word. Not everyone thinks of “work” as a good thing. This is why enjoyment is a crucial component to creating new habits.


When I say “do the work” I really mean get into action. Since the key to habit forming is repetition, you’re more likely to repeat something you enjoy doing. 


Let’s use our examples: 

You might not love your greens powder, but it could be more enjoyable when you drink it from a fancy cup, or you enjoy new recipes so you blend it into a yummy smoothie.


If exercising isn’t your favourite, listen to a playlist or podcast you love while you workout.


You don’t enjoy the backend of your business, so make your CEO days more fun by having them at a new coffee shop or co-working space. Invite a business bestie to join you and you can support each other in your businesses, more like a mastermind. (P.S. This is a bonus in helping you with accountability!)


I also want to mention that it’s very important that we start with a small changes approach: swap one unhealthy habit at a time. Super small changes are more attainable and realistic and will build confidence and momentum for us. Then, we can build more healthy practices over time; stacking our habits.


Speaking of confidence and momentum, our final part of the new habit creation is

[13:38] Phase Four: Reward

Making your habit enjoyable is amazing because it’s kind of like having a built-in reward system for while you’re performing the new routine. A strong “why” attached to your habit will also support enjoyment and fulfillment. However not every single day of the routine will be enjoyable and you might not feel the desired feeling or intention right away. This is why creating rewards for completing your routine is so important. It becomes positive reinforcement for you to repeat the new behaviour. 


If possible, you want the reward to come right after you complete the routine. Just like when I puppy is learning new tricks, when the puppy sits you say “good puppy!” and maybe a treat or lots of pets are involved and the puppy knows it did something good so it wants to repeat it again to get more treats and love.


The reward system is going to be different for everyone as we all have our own habits, intentions, and preferences. Here are some examples to get your wheels turning:


Drinking greens: Just like making the bed in the morning, drinking a shot of green juice in the morning can be a quick win for the day. Consider it a one and done, check off the box, success for the start of your day. If coffee is also a part of your morning routine, something that I do is drink water - in our example greens - BEFORE having the coffee and then the coffee becomes the “reward” so to speak as I can only have it after I drink my water/greens.


Working out: Physical exercise is one of those habits that give immediate emotional results. This is because working out releases endorphins in your body that make you feel better and happier. If this post-workout glow isn’t enough, consider rewarding yourself with a delicious protein smoothie after your workout, or take a moment to notice how much energy you have and how your back is not in any pain.


CEO dates: Share your wins with your business besties, or perhaps with your social media network. If you’d rather keep your meetings to yourself, have space at the end of your meeting to write out something you’re really proud of that happened this week, or one of your wins. End the meeting on a high note, even if it wasn’t your best week yet. There is always something to be grateful for and the energetic vibration of gratitude and appreciation is really the highest vibration you can feel.


You can also create milestone markers/rewards. If your habit is daily perhaps your reward comes at the end of each week of consistency. If your habit happens a couple times a week, maybe your big reward is celebrating every month. And if your habit is once a week or a few times a month, you can celebrate monthly, or quarterly. 


Forming new lifestyle patterns and habits will be a different process for each of us. Following these phases doesn’t really have a specific timeline, so if you’re mapping out the phases in your calendar for your habits, leave room for flexibility, or adjustments.


You might surprise yourself when you write out a 2x a week workout plan and find that you can actually get to the gym 3x per week. And be gracious with yourself if you aren’t doing your habit as often as you say. Start where you are, you can always build on from there.


If you’re listening to this episode around the time it comes out I would love to invite you to create your new habit with me and a community of empowered women starting 2022 with our healthy habit in the 21 Day Habit Challenge! This is a completely free experience and we are completing the challenge together LIVE!


If you visit the link post-challenge, you might see that there is a waitlist for our next challenge, please feel free to join the waitlist as I am planning on doing a few more challenges this year wink-wink!


Thank you so much for joining me and I cannot wait to hear what new patterns and routines you are creating! Take a screenshot of this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife so I can see what you’re working on and what episodes you’re loving!

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]
 
 

E161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

Make space for more joy, more compassion, more opportunities, more things that excite you by letting go of old patterns and limiting beliefs…


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[00:28] Hello friend, thank you for joining me for the very last episode of 2021. There is something so magical about this end of year energy. Don’t you think? This ending of a cycle or closing of a chapter of our lives. 


Truth be told, I get a little emotional thinking about this past year. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so up and down, or so lost for so long ever before. I also revisit incredible memories and events of the year. So much to celebrate and be thankful for. 


Although I have many rituals I like to practice at the end of the year, a few of them I’ve shared on this podcast, one of the common themes of these rituals and for the end of the year is letting go. 


I was chatting in the DMs on instagram with a friend of mine, Alisha, and she has given me permission to share our conversation here because I thought it would be very helpful for others to hear as well. 


Alisha wrote to me:

I hate that “let go” phrase. How do you let go? I can’t take something that bothers me and then just let it go and not let it still affect me.


And then I replied: That is a great question, and I also understand that you don’t like the phrase “let go” because it’s not that simple. Basically what I thought of - as corny as it sounds - is thank it for how it served you and how it brought you to this place and decide that this is no longer for you. Break up with it. Release it and say that it’s not empowering you anymore. And because of this it needs to go. It needs to not take hold of you anymore. And that’s a decision to empower yourself and when you make that decision everything else just falls away. It just lets go on it’s own. And you have to decide that you longer want to hold onto it. And it’s like a physical release in your body.


This also made me think of a metaphor: When the time is right you will be able to “let go” 


It’s like how a flower starts to open up from a bud. It’s so tight and coiled in on itself and as it grows it “lets go” and unfolds and opens into a beautiful flower/leaf and it is whole and its full self. This is something I’ve learned a lot from my plants this year. 


They did not bloom in my timing, they bloomed in their own timing. And yes, I did say that the end of year has this beautiful energy of releasing and renewing, however this might not be YOUR letting go time. And I believe that timing is so important. 


If you’re listening to this episode and you feel that it is really resonating with you then I encourage you to experiment with the practices I’m going to share.


If the timing doesn’t feel as aligned, you can still experiment as you please, but know that these practices might be more effective in different timing, and this is okay!


There is also a part of me that really believes that if you are listening to this episode, there is some sort of diving timing working with us; bringing us together in this moment. Perhaps you can feel into that more? 


[05:14] Let’s start off by defining what letting go means for us. To me it means deciding that I will no longer give it my energy. This could be mental, emotional, or physical energy. It’s about choosing to spend my mental/emotional/physical capacity toward the things that bring me joy. Spending my time and energy on people, projects, habits, and thoughts that empower me instead.


What does letting go mean to you? Have a think on it, and write it down in your journal or open up a new note on your phone.


When you understand what it means to you, you will have a better idea of how you can release the things that are no longer serving you. Your next step is to decide what you are letting go of, or leaving behind in 2021.


For this step I encourage you to write a list including feelings, limiting beliefs, bad habits/behaviours, and more. It may also help to think about what you want to bring in for the new year (more on this in our next episode) and the things that hold you back from these new more meaningful things. 


Take your time writing these out, and come back and add to the list as you need. You can also pause the episode if you’re doing the practice right this moment. 


[06:56] Here are some of the things I’m personally letting go of and leaving behind in 2021:

  • Sticking with commitments because I think I should, even though it can feel tough for me to move on, especially with unfinished projects

  • Saying yes to things that are not a “hell yes!” for me

  • Hiding or limiting my multi-passionate and purposeful self; I sometimes think I have to be one thing or one way or an expert at a certain topic. I think one of the many reasons I love being a Healthy Habit Mentor is because this is really infinite and supportive in ways beyond what we might initially think of

  • Ignoring my gut instincts

  • Expecting others to do as much as I do, or move as quickly as I do. Going back to what I said about timing, I need to respect others for their own energy and timing


Now there are a few little rituals you can do next to let go so to speak. These are mostly physical practices, however the true release in my opinion comes from the firm decision to recognize that something is no longer for you and then emotionally releasing it as well. These little rituals are a physical representation of this, and then the continued work would be to practice the new behaviours and stop doing the old patterns.


[13:09] I wanted to make this a two-part episode because when we let go of one thing, we are really making room for something new. In part two we’ll discuss Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022. For now, let’s create that space.


Little Ritual for Letting Go Number One:

Burn your list. Yep I said burn it. With actual fire - as note I would like to remind you that fire is not something to play with, and to be safe when burning anything. Write out your list of words, behaviours, habits, etc. on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it in a fireplace or fire pit. Watch it burn away. See how the flames burn the paper and the smoke rises up releasing the old patterns into the atmosphere. They are no longer yours.


Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Two:

Bury your list. Yes, rip up your paper into tiny pieces, dig a hole in the ground and bury the ripped up paper. Ripping up the list allows you to physically tear and separate the unhelpful behaviours from us, while burying the list gives our troubles to Mother Earth who can decompose and use our old patterns as recycled new energy.


Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Three:

Recycle your list of old patterns. That feels like a super millennial thing to say haha! If you don’t want to burn or bury your list. Write it out on paper - or even better in your phone notes and delete the list permanently or recycle the list in the bin. Before you delete it, go through each item and say in your head or out loud: “thank you for bringing me to this place in my life, I no longer need you.” To each of the items on the list. Then trash it.


Depending on what’s on your list, this can take a little more time. These little rituals are meant to be the beginning of letting go of these things. The ongoing practice begins with the small actions you take each day moving forward. We release the old patterns to make space for the new things we want to bring in, so once you’ve done one of these rituals with your list of things you’d like to release, tune into next week’s episode for the things you can replace your old patterns with. 


Until then, send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and share some of the habits, patterns, behaviours, or limiting beliefs you’ll be releasing this year.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E160: Best of 2021/Holiday Party
 
 

E160: Best of 2021/Holiday Party

Counting down the top five episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast in 2021 and festive bonuses and more!…


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Hello and welcome back to another Holiday Party/Best of episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and healthy habit mentor Valerie LaVigne and today we’re counting down the top 5 episodes of 2021!


If you’ve never listened to a holiday party episode before, I sprinkled in some little festive recipes and things between our episode countdowns andddd without giving too much away, we do have some special guests returning to the show to help me with the countdown. 


Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 109: 2020

Episode 59: 2019


Now there are some traditions for the show and the first is that we do a *cheers* to 2021! Today I’m drinking a delicious recipe I found on a blog I love. The drink is called Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch by Half Baked Harvest.

Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch


Wherever you are, and with whatever you’re drinking, please join me in raising a glass celebrating a year that was without a doubt one we will remember. In some ways it feels like this year just started, and in other ways I thought it would never come to an end. Needless to say there is so much to be thankful for. For myself, this year had some really high-highs, and some really low-lows. Producing this podcast was a huge part of my health and wellbeing this year because it gave me purpose. Extra special shout out to all the listeners, you’ve meant more to me than words could ever express.If you’re listening to this episode I want to send you all the love, health, happiness, and joy for the end of 2021, into 2022, and beyond!


Cheers!


Our fifth most popular episode this year was

[3:09] [5] Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions (Tara)

Tara and I did not know each other before connecting through this podcast, and although we haven’t met in real life yet, I will say I have grown a deep connection with her through following her online and working with her in her Clarity Sessions, Akashic Records Readings, and Energy Clearings. She is a very wonderful human with amazing talents. 


In this episode Tara introduces us to many different systems for self-understanding and exploration, including a pendulum and the akashic records. Tara and I also did a live reading together on Instagram and I’ve linked the replay to this video on the show notes page.


Today, Tara is sharing 5 Yes or No Questions we can ask ourselves to help us with our 2022 goal setting!

Hi, I'm Tara McCrory, a clarity coach and certified energy practitioner. I help people connect the dots the seen and unseen through connecting to their intuition and yes no questions. Here are five yes no questions to ask yourself about goal setting.


Once you’ve written out your goals, ask are these goals in alignment with my values? 

Assessing if your goals are in alignment with your values by asking these powerful yes no questions really helps you determine from the get go. If this is aligned with your soul's path and soul's mission, think of your values as your intuitive GPS system and aligning your goal to that will help you stay clear and on topic and allow yourself to achieve this goal. 


Number two, are these goals 100% Clear? 

This question helps you determine if there are any aspects that are unclear about your manifestation. For example, people may say I want to get more money, I want to make more money. Well, the universe is very literal. and 10 cents is more money. So if you check, are these goals 100% clear and you get no chances if it's too vague. It's too vague and the universe is too literal and you may just get a duck. So, Hot Tip, go in, make it clear. 


Number three are these goals actionable?

Sometimes, within our conscious mind, we have these amazing pie in the sky visions which are phenomenal, except they can overwhelm us in the moment. So asking if this is actionable, and aligning it to something that is actionable, helps us release the overwhelming.


Is there something I need to revisit?

This is always a good question to ask about any of your goals or visions or intentions for example, anytime that you're manifesting, because if you get it yes, it could be your values. may have changed and then needs to be aligned.


Perhaps you've made a different decision or you've come to a new found awareness. And that just means that you are given this amazing opportunity to go and realign your goals to your new vision.


Last question is is there any aspect of me that believes me unworthy of achieving these goals?


That really helps you determine where you maybe need to do your inner work, where perhaps there's the mindset work to be done, if you will shadow to be integrated? It just gives you an opportunity to realize where perhaps there is a little bit more energy that needs to be focused.


Having the answers to these questions really simply empowers you to move forward in a way that is aligned and that may feel good for you. So if these work for you, feel free to redirect these questions for each of your goals by changing the bar these two are to. And if you found this helpful, please feel free to download my free guide 50 yes no questions for love, money and manifestation, perfect to get you a line in action for 2022.


Of course if you're interested in staying in touch and connected please you can find me at tarabmccrory.com or on Instagram at @tara_mccrory


Looking forward to connecting with you all, and all the best for 2022.


> Thank you so much Tara! Definitely going to revisit these questions for when I write out my goals for the new year! 


Before we get into our fourth most popular episode of 2021, I wanted to share the diffuser blend I am currently… diffusing.  It’s technically not a “festive” blend but it is lovely and very easy. It’s called “Confidence” Diffuser Blend Recipe:
3 Black Spruce
3 Eucalyptus 

These are some wonderful grounding and expansive oils. This I also think would make a great epsom salt bath mix… oooo I will try this later hahaha


The fourth most downloaded episode this year was titled

[9:13] [4] E111: Create Habits Based on Core Values (Deanna)

This episode came out early this year and similar to Tara, I had not met Deanna before the podcast. I loved recording this episode with Deanna. She is a great speaker, and made some very helpful points and shared wonderful exercises during this episode. 


Unfortunately I couldn’t connect with her to have her guest appear on the show today. So in celebration of this episode I would love to share with you an old habit that is no longer part of my core values that I am letting go of, as well as a new habit that aligns with my core values that I am going to work on for the new year.


As I share mine with you, I would encourage you to consider your core values and relisten to this episode with Deanna to create your own new value-aligned habits.


Lately I’ve been diving into learning more about Human Design. This is a system that is similar in a sense to Astrology in the way that it uses the time and location of your birth to determine your body graph or your design. As I’ve been learning more about how to interpret this graph or chart, I’ve been simultaneously learning more about myself. One of the key parts of this system is something called Authority and it’s used to help us make decisions. 


So how does all of this tie into my core values? Well, I noticed that I’ve been saying “yes” to a lot of invitations mostly because I struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out). I don’t necessarily want to go to the event but I also don’t want to miss something. Usually if I accept an invitation I didn’t really want to go to in the first place I find myself frustrated or resentful or energetically drained. 


One of my core values this year is to trust my sacral authority and I am specifically experimenting with this in decision making. So this is kind of a double habit of letting go of quickly responding to invitations and instead noticing how this invitation feels in my gut, or perhaps the sound I make when I receive the invitation. And if it’s not a “hell yes!” then it’s going to be a no from me.


And without trying to segway this into our third most downloaded episode of 2021, this connection to myself brings us to

[12:13] [3] E140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself (me)

This episode is one of my solo shows, and I am going to toot my own horn for this one because dang, revisiting this episode was exactly the reminder I needed going into the new year. If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, I recommend it! And if you’ve already listened to it… listen to it again, you’ll be glad you did. 


Plus it’s only 15 minutes long so it's nice and quick for a great mood boost! Here are the 10 ways to show up for yourself in short:


1: Commit to Habits, Practices, Routines, and Rituals that support your health and well-being, even when you don’t feel like it

2: Learn to Forgive Yourself

3: Allow Yourself to Feel ALL the Feels, Judgement-Free!

4: Listening to What You Need

5: Allow Yourself to Start Over

6: Remind Yourself that You Are Worthy

7: Prioritize Your Health

8: Give Yourself Permission to Rest

9: Spend Quality Time with You!

10: Invite Curiosity and Compassion into Everything You Do


As a bonus I will add Build Trust with Yourself 

Reading these again gave me the idea to commit to one of these every week for the next 10 weeks. Maybe writing it on a sticky-note or putting it into my calendar. Watch how the energetic shift in our lives happens when we commit to ourselves in these ways. AND how powerful do you think it would be if we stacked these habits each week! 


I’m getting that excited gut feeling! 


Our second most downloaded episode of 2021 is 

[14:22] [2] E116: Taking Aligned Action to Manifest Success featuring Cheryl Sutherland

Cheryl is motivating, captivating and shares lots of inspirational wisdom in this episode. We also did a live on instagram and talked about creating affirmations for entrepreneurs. 


Today, Cheryl is sharing a beautiful journaling exercise with us…


I know that most people wouldn't do well, not most people, a lot of people millennials, when they think of pivot, they think of ros, unfriend zero trying to get some sort of try to get a couch to fit. It's just not fitting. And so especially in the last couple of months, like there's been a lot of weird energy, a lot of resistance, a lot of frustration and the root of a lot of it is that it's time to do something different. But because the last couple years I've been kind of difficult, a lot of things have been tossed up in the air. It can feel really, really dangerous, really unsafe to actually transition from one thing to the next. Even though you know that thing is calling you and where you are right now does not feel good. It doesn't feel in alignment. It doesn't feel like you're even you know, like your happiest or your brightest or you're able to give the most that you're able to give the you're able to really walk in that power that you're here to do. And so with that one of the things that I ask of you is not to be brave, but to be honest with yourself, is this working for you? And if in a year you were in the exact same place, how would you feel about that? Does that make sense for you? Does it break your heart and if it does, then it's time to do something new. So today, I would love to go over a delicious journaling exercise that I even recently did as I am also doing this transition slash pivot Mac deeper into my speaking career, which is ultimately where I should have been really focusing on the last three years. But again.


​​So with that, one thing that I want to say before I get into the exercise, is that things don't have to be bad for them to not be right. So I think oftentimes, I know for myself, I have a very high pain threshold and combined with being a people pleaser. I'm really good at denying the things that I want and pushing them off like not listening to the signs don't listening to my intuition and thinking I just need to work a little bit harder. And with that, that's great in circumcircle certain circumstances but not if you're not operating in alignment. So just check in with yourself. How is your body doing whenever you're thinking about this thing, whether it be a relationship or a job or your career? How was your breath oftentimes you'll notice you are taking very short, anxious breath deep, wholehearted breath. When was the last time that you laughed when you were doing that thing that felt a little sticky or still feels a little sticky? Like when is it when was the last time it really brought you joy and what are you willing to give up in order to feel that joy again? And oftentimes we attach ourselves to this thing we're like, This is who I am. This is what I said I committed to and I need to do this in order to before I can move on to the next thing and I'm here to give you permission to let that go. If it's not serving you right now it's because it already served you and it ran its course. And now it's time for you to move on like the littlest hobo on to the next thing and for my Canadians, y'all know what I'm talking about. So yeah, I mean, there's so much wisdom in all of the things that you're saying right?


And the fun thing is when we allow these things to transition out of our lives then that we're actually creating room for the good things to happen or more greatest if we ever knew and it doesn't necessarily have to come from us. It could be something delicious at the university, right? However, we are not able to receive those things if we're occupying ourselves with nothing. So I would like to invite you to grab a piece of paper and grab a pen for this exercise. When I first did it, it probably took me about 20 minutes and a half an hour. And I just want to make sure that you are in a space that is quiet, that you feel safe. That is aesthetically pleasing. If you can and that you're comfortable and warm and perhaps like you know light a nice Bath and Bodyworks candle or something. But the whole purpose of this is just to kind of recontextualize some of the things that you have gone through and what your life really looks like. Now during this exercise I am going to ask you to tell a story but this story is in fact the story of you. So you are going to go through chunks of time and then third person, talk about yourself. However, instead of focusing on the negative things or the difficult things or things that have held you back, you are going to see yourself the way that your best friend has seen you and like they're talking about you in an interview. So for example, during the ages of 16 to 21 I was very, I was very loving. I just love to take care of people like I actually got multiple jobs and customer service because I just love figuring out what people liked and were able to give to them during that time. Yes, there were difficult things that happened either with school, a falling out with the best friend, all these different things. And instead of writing the story of like, yeah, I ended up being robbed at this age and like this person betrayed my trust. The story that I decided to tell was one of who I aspire to be and who I truly am. Now, this actual process allows you to steep yourself into the fact that you're abundant. That you are capable, that you are powerful and that you over time that you've been showing and this is proof that you've been showing up in such an amazing way and that you are back to that amazing person. That you are worthy of all the great things and that you can do all the hard things as well. So through this exercise, I would invite you to chunk down your life. Usually I would like to do between the time of birth to age 10 And then of course 11 to 16 and then we're gonna go forward in five increments of five years to where you're at right now and then add on an additional five years. So for example, I am 35 at the present moment , so I was able to write where I was from the ages of 28 to 33. And then you know 34 forwards. So by the time you get up to the part where you're at right now and what you want to create, you have this feeling of oh, wait a second, anything is possible. I can do all these things. I deserve all these things. Look what I've created in the past. I'm such a kind of caring, loving person. And based on the help I've always been taking care of. I've always achieved the goals that I want to. So who am I to tell myself that I'm not able to do what I want to do moving forward? Why would I lie to myself like that?


That just doesn't make sense. So as you go through and do this exercise again, take the time to elaborate in as much detail as you would like. However, notice if there's a time where you want to talk about something, you know, that's really difficult for myself. One of the things that came up was my father's passing. He left or transitioned. I guess he's still here. Honestly, he's been stalking me the last couple days so it's magical.


When I was 22 years old and instead feeling like I had my world crashed down and like this person was supposed to be here to walk me down the aisle and tell me how to be in proper relationships and value myself. So I didn't get trampled on by all these stupid men. Instead of all of that I was like, no matter what some I was able to practice holding space for my family. I was able to practice being really brave and really proud of how I handled everything, and how I was willing to seek out help, how I was willing to cry. But then I think that if he was looking at me during that time as well, he'd be very proud of how I was able to just continue to grow and move forward, etc, etc. So, again, I'm not asking you to do any sort of spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. You're just seeing the bright side of things, and the powerful side of things because this is in fact who you are. So with that, that is going to support you with your picket. That's not only good for you and your family, but it's also going to support you with seeing yourself the way that the people that care about you see you, the people that admire you see you. And hopefully, the way that you will choose to see yourself moving forward as well.


Cheryl also has a wonderful online course called

Create Clarity in Your Calling Bundle

This course helps you to release doubt and create new habits of thoughts so you can feel powerful and rock-solid as you grow a business you love, and live the amazing, magnificent, delicious life that you desire. She has also given the listener’s of the show 15% off with the PROMO CODE VALERIE15


[24:55] Time Capsule Questions

The very first year I did the countdown I asked and answered 21 time capsule questions. My intention for these was to answer them each year, and then last year I decided that they weren’t beneficial to the show. So I’ve actually changed my mind for this and what I’ve decided to do is ask you/say the questions here on the episode, but include my answers in the show notes page so you don’t have to hear me blabber on about them. 


The reason I’m bringing the questions back is because I find it really wonderful to look back and read what we’ve written in journals and I personally don’t journal that often so this encourages me to do it at least once a year. 


The questions are basic and fun to answer personally, and can also be customized to you! Without further ado, here are the 21 questions to ask yourself:

1. What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

It was very early so I was thinking about how I wanted to sleep for 15 more minutes and snuggle a little longer.

2. What's the first thing on your to do list?

Wrap up the podcasts for 2021 and then packing for our trip to England

3. What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

Honestly, nothing. Everything is exactly as it should be and everything will get done in its own timing.

4. What song are you loving right now?

Fancy by Lennon Stella, or really anything by Lennon Stella


5. What's your favourite essential oil?

Living for Black Spruce


6. When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, two years later?

Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY happy with the organic growth of the show, however I know I can push myself out of my comfort zone more with this podcast. And this will be a huge part of 2022 for me, as well as speaking on other people’s podcasts and really growing the community.


7. What's the best advice you received this year?

Mistakes do not define us, it’s how we move on from them that does.


8. What's the biggest lesson you learned? 

Never give up; your daily habits are doing more than you realize.


9. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Lately I’ve been really enjoying trying new recipes, and feel inspired when I’m working with my hands. I also find that I am very inspired by my houseplants and watching them grow and nurturing them.


10. When is the best time for your creative process?

Usually during a workout I feel inspired or motivated to take action. I feel like this is because I’m moving energy around and I’ve usually been awake for a little while and I’ve also had breakfast.


11. Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring? 

I’ve been fascinated by Human Design so anyone who is teaching/sharing about this. From podcasts to pinterest boards, and everything in between I love it so much!


12. Tell us about your current routines… 

Depending on the day I wake up, eat breakfast, workout, and then put on a really fun outfit that makes me feel amazing in my body. Then I get shit done and work from home.

On days that I’m at the studio I wake up at 5:30am, pack up my lunch bag, make a coffee, put on some eye gels that have been in the fridge so they are nice and cooling. Then I teach all day.

In the evenings I do my french lesson on Duolingo, brush + floss my teeth and do a brain dump on my notes app before giving Craig a kiss and going to bed.


13. What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage? 

Peppermint Beadlets (doterra link)

On Guard Sanitizing wipes (doterra link)

Notebook + pen

14. What was the last thing that made you cry? 

Oh gosh this movie with Sandra Bullock had me sobbing: The Unforgivable. I have no idea what came over me, I was just so upset at the end, I had to blow my nose, I was crying so hard.


15. What do you want to be remembered for? 

Empowering women to put themselves first on their love list; to make themselves a priority and do the things that bring them joy (guilt-free)


16. What's the best gift you've given, that doesn't cost money?

Well… let me tell you! I wrote a letter from my 20 year-old-self and opened it for my 30th birthday this year and oh my goodness that was the most incredible/surreal experience and it was by far the best gift I’ve given/received.


17. What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

Sleeping cloud is my favourite thing: When you’re lying in bed and someone billows the covers over you.


18. What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

Alone time. Extra doses of fave self-care. Turning off my phone at a certain time. Not checking email in the morning.


19. Favourite quote + why?

“Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.” - Alan Watts

Because this was a really tough year and I made a point of being very present and feeling all my feels and showing up and as intense as this is going to sound, it really saved my life this year.


20. Biggest highlight of 2021?

Craig and mine’s trip to Banff, and now going to meet Craig’s family in England for the holidays.


21. What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

I’m proud of you for taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, and sharing your story with the world. You are an inspiration to your community and I know it took a lot of courage to get out there, but you did it! The strength you were searching for was within you this whole time.


Our final episode in the countdown, and the most downloaded show of 2021 was

[27:47] [1] E133: Elevating Your Morning Routine Alexandra Panagoulia of Batch Beauty Lab

This was one of my favourite conversations because both Alexandra and I really connected the last couple years through the Make Lemonade online community and also through our similar daily routines. I love talking about other people’s rituals and habits and learning from the things that bring them joy, and seeing how that might play out in my own routine, and I feel like that’s how most of the listeners felt with this episode also.


Today I have a mini conversation with Alexandra and I that we pre-recorded. It’s a bit of a then, now, and what to expect for 2022. Let’s have a listen…


VL: What is your current morning routine and how has this changed since our last episode in the summer?


AP: I’m really consistent with my daily walks, I think it's just like a perfect way to set my day. I will say something that's the change. I take in my journaling that I've done usually in the morning and now I'm into more of a routine, and I did you know, always been consistent with journaling in the evening but I think that right now, as the seasons change, it's just giving me some really great time to wind down to give a lot of thought to my day and how I want to prepare for the next day. So, you know, moving into 2022 Something that I really want to do is be consistent with my wakeup time. So I think being able to wind down a little earlier and adding a few more rituals into my winding down routine will help facilitate me being able to incorporate something new into my morning routine into the year that's so great.


VL: I'm really glad that you said that because I teach a mini training that's all about morning routines, and they also teach one that's all about evening routines and they tell people like the secret to your morning routine is a really great evening routine and they really complement each other this way. So which kind of was gonna lead me into my next question, which is will you be incorporating anything new for 2022? Can you speak to those rituals a little bit and maybe how we can also incorporate something new into our new year?


AP: Yeah, so I've been giving it some thought and I've been trying it a little bit i i had to wake up a little earlier. Something that I've been doing is I've been putting my alarm clock just literally on the other side of my room so that when it is off I'm having to actually wake up and turn it off. And I know that that is not revolutionary at all, but it works. There are some mornings where I walk back to my bed and I and I go back into bed, like five more minutes. But the reality is, you know, that's not always the best way to start off your day and you're going back to bed and kind of like reverse it's like reverse what you're what you're trying to accomplish. So yeah, I think you know, I'm gonna continue doing that and, and I know a lot of people may struggle waking up early in the mornings, but I think to your point what you just said it's all about how you're incorporating something new into your evening routine. so that's going to be winding down, minimal screen time in the evening. journaling, like I mentioned, and I find that ratings really have been helping me as well.


VL:I keep putting my books beside my bed and I keep telling myself I'm going to read every night and it just doesn't work for me like I'm not an evening reader because I fall right asleep so I think it's a great way to fall asleep for myself personally.


But I definitely need to like that resort. I think he gave some really great tips for the art eating routine and kind of finding what works best for you and just trying different things. I feel like this is where people, you know, they try so hard to create a new habit and they're like, oh, I need to think of reinventing the wheel and I need to be completely different. And really, it actually is like the simplest things and maybe it was something that worked for you in the past or maybe it's something that you know, you've heard of you just haven't tried yourself. So I definitely agree that even though it's not revolutionary, it can work and still can work.


AP: Yeah and it is a tip on incorporating something new into your morning or evening routine if you have an existing routine Great. Follow through with it and maybe you know, make some changes based on how you're feeling in the present moment or in that time of your life. Let's just say in that season. So I know in the summer it's easier for me to wake up early as I love to go for early morning walks in the summer when it's a bit cooler in the winter. It's a little bit more of a challenge. So that's where I find I like incorporating better bedtime routines. probably I can make up a little earlier.


But I think the tip is is even if you're starting new and you don't have any rituals right now, introduce one one ritual that, you know, feels really good to you. So whether it's stretching when you get out of bed or going for a walk or journaling first thing I think the power of just incorporating something that is just for yourself is beneficial. That doesn't necessarily need to be a power list of 10 things.


Well there you have it. The top 5 episodes of 2021, with some of the amazing guests we’ve had on the show. Plus a festive beverage recipe, delightful diffuser blend, and 21 questions to ask yourself each year as a fun tradition to look back on for years to come.


Now technically we do have one more episode for 2021… which comes out Wednesday, until then join me on Instagram @vallavignelife

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E159: This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact
 
 

E159: This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

Jenny was at a very low point in life and searching for something to help her at this troubling time. She didn't think Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne, would be able to help her, but Jenny invested in the 1:1 Mentorship Program anyway.

After five weeks of working on a 3-part journalling exercise to improve mindset and self-appreciation, Jenny discovered a new-found energy and purpose that brought light and love back into her life. This is Jenny’s story…


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[1:12] Valerie: How were you feeling before working with me?


Jenny: A couple of things lost, probably and pretty down to be honest, mentally pretty low.


Valerie: Yeah, I remember with our first call one of the things that you said that no one's ever said to me was, I don't think you can help me and I was so taken aback by it because for one I was like, then why did you say right?


I'm not and that's, I think, so important that people there's a quote by Henry Ford, and he says, whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right. And I think that that's one of the biggest hurdles for people starting something or getting into something is that, you know, right away, they say, oh, no, I can't do that. And that's their first, their first walk into failure, so to speak. Right. So, you know, yeah, with that feeling of being lost, I do have to ask, what made you want to work with me, even though that was one of the first things you said?


Jenny: Yeah. So just to talk about that for a second to say, “I don't think you can help me.” Was it really sort of verbalization of you know how low I was? I didn't think that that that you know, I wasn't sure I wasn't convinced I was skeptical how can how can this help because I'm feeling so low and You're right you've totally hit the nail on the head that it's a very it was a very negative mindset But luckily there was something in me that I had hope and that's why reached out I was feeling tired But I always So had something To me that made me feel like Maybe there's help out there maybe Maybe there's a way to Maybe somebody can make me feel better.


Maybe they can And what you are offering brilliant Face me it sounded Dental It sounded doable and I was feeling so tired hurtful but needed to be babysat That's for me and so Think come on must have seen something on your Instagram And it just took feel to me How it seemed like it was doable And so that's why I took this Step to contact you and it absolutely was.


Valerie: I'm so glad that you Did that. I'm so glad that you trusted your instinct to do that.


Jennifer: There was something in me that made me think you know what to give this a go.


Valerie: Yeah.


Jennifer: yeah It was we were going to work together for these Five weeks so it's like I felt like there was time To make a difference.


Valerie: And within that time What habit did we create together?


Jennifer: So It was a few but I think the Just serve wins during the process was that I had everything right in front of me and I didn't know it, but you showed me that I did and those things. We're so simple the gratitude journaling was really important to me and This was a different kind of gratitude that you introduced me to that I've never or heard of before and what was so important to me was that there was three aspects to it you said thank you Anything you're grateful for Think of anything that brings you comfort Think of it thinking that you're proud of 


And I think that's just A winning car combination the winner In Formula Three different things It made my main shift in three different directions What am I grateful for For your draft income For and you know what what I like about myself and that Last part really gave me I think a confidence boost that I was really Looking for because every day I had to think of something What am I good at And Yeah It just all three together was was a kind of Three dimensional design.


Surely cliche but three dimensional way To have gratitude not Just like three things what you're grateful for what brings you Comfort Well what are you grateful for and what are you proud of and And I enjoyed it In that everyday exactly Think about three different things between different areas of my life The last one For you prayed off of yourself was probably The hardest one and probably The one that had the most the impact


Valerie: Yeah, thank you for sharing that I remember you coming to me and that first call like it was memorable. And One of the things you shared was that you want to work on A specific habit that has to do with Nutrition. And when I was listening to you and all of the words Like you were saying you know I knew is that it wasn't the nutrition that we were lenient to work on it There's a deeper level level and layer than Not and you No being able to have that common Session just the two of us one on one I mean that was it was almost Like this container for you to share no going up and as skeptical as you They have been you are incredible Billy Welling and incredibly open and I really want to applaud you for that because a lot of people For especially when you're working Was someone new I mean we didn't really know what other very well before working together so For you to trust me you that much I I mean, that's where I think the most transformation comes from is because you are open to the suggestions. And I know you're thinking, you know, Val, I'm coming to you with this nutrition habit. And I was saying, well, Jenny, actually, there's something else we need to do first.


[7:36] Jenny: Absolutely, but you, you think you don't realize that there's something deeper sometimes I think.


Valerie: And that's why, you know, the one on one can be so impactful, is because we're really customizing it to you like that gratitude journal, that for that gratitude journal, practice with the three questions. Those were completely curated for you. Like that's not like a system that I sell. It says, This is what we need to work on together. That's going to help you so I'm so glad that you enjoyed the process and the practice. And is there anything else that you want to add into how you make it work for you because you're a mom, you have a busy schedule? You are you know, managing your household. Tell me, how did you make it work?


Jenny: First thing I did was to a actually get a new journal so that had something fun I wanted to open every day So I ordered myself Have a new journal which was all So a calendar so that actually I'm not really helpful because I know have specific days to write in there I have a lot of space in it so I could Get those three levels of gratitude written down and then I had heard something and I totally believe it's true Save and filter today That If you can try Start your very first like five minutes From when you you know just woken up Think positively that can really help you with the rest of your Day so I think it really works so I start to journal as an So I woke up and just helped With the rest with the rest The day in terms of how I was feeling so That's So I started with a new journal and And doing this practice every morning.


Valerie: That's excellent that you found the right tools and the right time to do the work, and I I totally agree I like to set an intention every morning. And if that intention has I'd better amplify or the elevation of gratitude to two that's an even more amazing win, so very good! The last question that I have I want to ask you today is all What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?


[10:04] Jenny: Quite a few actually, the most important thing to me was a positive state of mind. It’s the reason it gets to be on how to perform better in other areas Of My Life So my Running got better My Parenting I think got better because I was Just generally happier And it sounds And Papa I think I had just put myself To the bottom of the bill I probably wasn't even On the list and Working with To me We realized that I had to be on the list and I I had to be the first thing on the list. That's why the worked well with the you know the product to surface the news I woke up You've heard this cliche before But you know ‘put your own out oxygen mask or first’ it's so true bye during this practice for myself First thing in the morning I was then able to go through the rest of the day or The tasks involved with just Have more positive mindset and also to at least say that then built momentum so that you The next day wasn't so difficult followed by the The following day and the next day. and I gained so much momentum with it that as I went to New York to complete marathon I was in probably the best mental shape that I could be in and thank goodness I took those steps because I think obviously 26.2 miles is really difficult and arduous, but it would have been doubly difficult with a negative state of mind.


Valerie: WOW


Jenny:And now it's just about keeping that going. But I know what to do and It's not expensive. It's not difficult, it's just doing it and I think so many of us are just so busy, and we have forgotten, or haven't even tried. And to try that's the first thing and once you've tried You don't want to give it up I think called it my golden hour I think I talked to you about this, even getting earlier to do it was helpful because everyone's still sleeping could have some time for me so I don't grudge helping everybody. Am I happy to, but In a happier state of mind because if you're not and a half years state of mind that's when the resentment starts to To kick in and it's like truly no one else's fault It's very hard to Move from feeling like it is everyone else's fault and once I made that shift It got better.


Valerie: Wow Thank you so much for sharing that . It's so true, I mean so many things you said so many golden nuggets in there. I'm about How your mindset, especially in the beginning of the day, trickles into all the other areas of your life. It’s power fool and Just yeah whether it's a naked mindset or a positive mindset can really they change things and I I think a lot of people can relate to a lot of people listening can relate to, the fact that you know They're not at the top The list they might not be on the list Well have their priorities and them People that they're going to take care of because you know we've all have busy lives And we all have a lot of priorities, and we all have a lot of have different people that depend on on us but we can be better parents and friends partners when we actually put put ourselves on the list.


So huge! I just… I was getting teary hearing the impact that it made on you And I just like I'm holding my heart So tight right now because I feel everything that you're saying And And like I'm getting goosey and you've done So much work you've come so far.


[14:23] Jenny: And another thing they see that I have friends they do put themselves on the on their list And I had maybe previously thought that oh Wow I like You know I can't be like them or I'm not like them or Those are interesting priorities don't fit case share those And then I realized Hold on a minute They've figured So they've already done this Work it When in their lives But they realized wait a second If I do this then I couldn't be better X Y & Z and live my best life is cliche as it sounds.


But before I did this kind of work, I didn't recognize that they had put themselves on their lists. So now I feel like my eyes are opened to habits that my Friends have that Respect admire and realize oh hey I'm thinking things to know and before thought it was good The snow Not me I'm not person who does block a block but not actually being a person He does do those things Is So good for you and so I think that's that's been really First thing is To sort of you It really opened my eyes to habits of rents in the past sort of think well That's you know you do you and that's what you do this now that's not for me Well now I realize actually Like I've been missing out So thank you for interest You see me too and you You I guess a new way to live.


Valerie: You are most welcome and honestly I feel like I was just holding this space for you to make those observations, and for you to you know do the work and that permission to put Your cell phone first. The permission to make mistakes and miss a day and come back to it so I mean you were really the one Who who made the change and I'm so happy that I could have been there to see this process and to to help You with it because, honestly like i said i I'm just like vibrating right now with that goosebumps and my heart is so full and I'm just so I'm so proud of you I'm so happy for you so well done you did Amazing.


Jennifer: Thank you, it doesn't stop, you’ve got to keep doing the work!


Valerie: I know! And you're doing it, you're doing it. It's so incredible to be part of your journey To watch you through this journey so I can't wait to see what you do next, what marathon you run or what else you accomplish! Because It's inspiring it's outstanding and just Just know that the friends who Have those healthy habits yeah You are now person to somebody yes you are now that inspiration to another person you are now giving permission To another mom another round or another woman Who wants to be impactful in this world and put themselves first so that's That's huge And I think these are the things that we didn't think We were going to get out of have something like this but we do alright we get so much more than we expect.


[17:39] Jennifer: Thank you for saying that because I'm actually seeing that happen already I've had people Message me to tell me that I am inspired to them and can we meet for a call or how Did you do or I want to hear about your journey ever thought I would be one of those people.


And people would actually want to know how you do it? or you know how it's going? or I want to hear and it just shows you that... I am is going to talk about women because that's my experience but so many women are looking for Ways to help themselves and if I can and help them just by being like guinea pig an example of just trying some thing and showing how it worked for me then That helps me to keep going I don't Feel like I'm there yet I feel like every day is a learning day but to know that that could help versus his power because I helps you to keep going too.


Valerie: 100% You're impacting other women now, like, this is exactly why I want to do what I'm doing or why I do what I'm doing. Because I know that if I can help one person, that one person is going to help another person and that person that you're helping is going to help another person and honestly, that is the goal is to have this world be a brighter, better place and as corny as that sounds and trust me like I'm not about cheesy things, but that's so it's so true. and the way that I've been able to do that is through healthy habits and like through helping people with habits that they didn't even know could help them. and it is so freakin simple. So yeah, honestly like again blown away by this conversation.


Jenny: It's a fact that when women have babies, they lose confidence, which is just a sad fact. But it happens. So if that's a fact, then everyone who's got kids has gone through so much, not just, you know, pregnancy and childbirth, but postpartum, Even if you're not, you know, diagnosed with postpartum depression, there are other things that happens and I'm happy to talk openly about that too. But how you do it gives you confidence you may have left your job or done many things like that. And so there's things that can keep you positive in your life. And then once a lot was gone, It's hard to do it yourself. But, you know, you've helped me realize that you can do it yourself.


Yeah, to rely on you know, being praised for your, your work or for anything you can do from within. Then you’re all set.


Valerie: And it's cool to to see like how in the beginning, you're like, something I'm proud of like, you're like, Oh, I ran a marathon. I help other people like I changed my life. I'm a better mom and like so many things, so many things you're proud of and you didn't even have to like put more thought into it. You didn't even have to like, sit there and take a moment you know, and I mean you can just say it, and that's like, that's the transformation and people think like, oh, I need my life to change overnight with like winning the lottery or whatever. But that's not like that's just not it all the time. You know, it's like, the simplest thing you can do and yeah, okay, it takes a little bit of time. But think about like, How long were you upset? How long were you thinking of that negative mindset? How long were you feeling low? 


Jenny: Umm probably years to be honest.


Valerie: Now that’s it. And I mean, to say that the work isn't done, you're completely right. It's never gonna really be done. But it's a lot easier to do now. And the fact that you're like shining light for other people and giving permission to other people to do the work. I mean, that's huge. But in such a short amount of time, like we work together for five weeks, that was about three or four months ago.


Let's say like three months since we finished. So in less than six months, you have shifted years of pain and heaviness into something so powerful. I mean, you ran a frickin marathon!


Jenny: I definitely got tools to Yeah, to Yeah, like, more positive and like you said, you know, it just gains in momentum. and now there's a piece of you suggesting that you know, I might help other people. I mean, I didn't even think that was on the cards but I actually now have evidence of that because people are asking me, we meet for coffee, I'd love to hear about your journey and I'm like, okay.


Valerie: Yeah, I love that so much and I appreciate you sharing your journey with me and with the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm so excited. I it's interesting because I know the there's quite a commitment for like the one on one mentorship experience with me and I try to explain to people how powerful it is and like it's so much more impactful because it's customized like I could talk about a gratitude journal all day every day. but what we created for you is so different from what I have done with anybody else, but it works for you and that's why we made it for you.


Someone else I talked to they started a gratitude journal too, but they just have to write one thing down they're grateful for which probably wouldn't have worked for you, as much as this other three part one day.


Jenny: I agree, agree.

Valerie: Yeah so it's different for everybody.

 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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