E173: Small Actions that Created BIG Impact in Only 21 Days

Listen and learn how seven women created small and simple habits that lead to powerful transformation and impacted their lives in only three weeks…

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[00:28] At the beginning of this year we launched our first ever Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habit Challenge and over 75 people signed up! For 21 days we supported one another in building out a new habit or elevating an existing habit.

There was SO MUCH going on in the 21 days with many different people, and lots of different habits being formed. There was such a community being formed over the three weeks and it was incredible to watch so many people build, support, and elevate their lives with small actions every day.

Before the challenge had even finished people inside and outside the challenge were asking about how to join the next one! We will be hosting another 21 day challenge in early April this year. I’ll link to the waitlist/sign up form in the show notes.

Elevate Your Life 21 Day Healthy Habits Challenge

www.valerielavignelife.com/challenge 

I thought it would be a fun idea to share some of the experiences of the challenge members on the podcast with you. Of course I couldn’t get all 75+ challengers on the show, but I did manage to have seven of the members share their words, and help take you, the listener, behind the scenes into the 21 Day Challenge.

The very first part of the challenge actually started on Day 0, the day before the 21 days. Before the challenge, I sent everyone a link to a shared Google Doc where we filled in our name, feeling word and habit(s) for the 21 days. Right away I wanted the members to understand that the goal wasn’t perfection, it was getting closer to that ‘feeling word’ every single day.

Here are some of those challenge members sharing their feeling words and habits…

Gaby: Hello, my name is Gabby, and the healthy habits I chose for the 21 Day Challenge was walking in nature for 45 minutes a day. And my feeling words were grounded and energized.

Kaitlin: My name is Kaitlin. My intention for the 21 day challenge was to feel energized and present, and the habits I was committing to wear daily walks, daily movement and loading my screen time, as well as being in bed by 10:30 every night.

Rae: Hi, my name is Rae. My feeling words were focused and peaceful and I decided to try to meditate daily. And then I also layer on intention setting for the 21 days.

Ingrid: Hi, my name is Ingrid Deon. My feeling word for the 21 days was strong and my daily habits were daily yoga practice as well as staying hydrated.

Milica: Hi my name is Milica. My feeling word for the 21 day habit challenge was invigorated. And my habits were to drink two litres of water a day and to work on my physiotherapy exercises.

Kaylie: My name is Kaylee Kreatrix checks and my feeling word was optimized. I decided to wake up early, meditate daily and try intermittent fasting for the first time.

Suzanne: Suzanne Zupan for the 21 day habit challenge my feeling word was resilience and strong.

[04:35] Throughout the challenge I was able to connect with each member personally and they kindly shared their experiences with me. What I thought was so powerful was hearing where they were before the challenge started and being able to witness and hold space for their growth and transformation within this three week container.

Gaby: I decided to do this challenge because at the time I was feeling very unmotivated and heavy in my body. And I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to change that mindset and change those feelings. So when this opportunity came up, I decided to jump on it.

Kaitlin: Before I began the 21 day challenge I was feeling a little bit stuck and just kind of like my days were revolving around my new baby and I kind of lost my own care routine. So I was just feeling a little bit depleted.

Rae: Before the challenge, I was feeling a little overwhelmed, maybe a little bit lost as well. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life.

Ingrid: Before starting the challenge, I was really excited about it energetically. And I felt before that I could use a lot more physical exercise and also noticed that I would go quite long periods of time without drinking a lot of water. So I was really excited to hopefully add some new habits to my daily life

Milica: Before starting the challenge, I was feeling inspired but energetically I think I was quite low, I think partially because it was winter time. I mean, it still is and it was sort of that slump that I feel usually after the holidays. So that's partially why my feeling word was invigorated because I wanted to up my energy levels a little bit.

Kaylie: Before starting the challenge I was experiencing a bit of difficulty getting back into my daily routine. So you still have a really good routine. And yeah, I fell out of it. And I was feeling like I was struggling to get back into it.

Suzanne: Energetically before starting the challenge. I was at a low point. I wouldn't say the lowest point in my life, but a really heavy time coming after Christmas, dealing with feelings of grief and situational depression and very low on energy, low on self esteem.

[07:34] I hosted the challenge through email and instagram. Email was a weekly check-in reminder and instagram was daily posts and stories sharing what the group was experiencing throughout the 21 days, as well as some tips for forming habits.

I also created a digital tracker that participants had the option of using during the 21 days and/or sharing to their instagram stories. This tracker had 21 squares in a grid that they could check off each day or add in a GIF or make their own. It was a tool to support them with accountability. I asked the participants to tag me in their stories so that I could see their habits and progress and cheer them on throughout the 21 days.

When I was connecting with the participants I really noticed the change in their expressions and their voices as the challenge went on; as they started to build consistency and momentum with their habits. I was so blown away by their connection to each other and the support they shared. The accountability went beyond the daily tracker and into more group connection and community. It was probably one of my favourite pieces of the challenge. I wanted to know what they loved most about the Elevate Your Life 21 day Healthy Habit Challenge…

Gaby: So I took away quite a few little nuggets from this challenge. But my favourite part was that this challenge motivated me or pushed me to do the hard thing, which often days it was minus 20. And, you know, I wasn't really feeling like going outside for a walk, but I did anyway. And while I was out there walking, I felt so good and so proud and so happy that I was committed. I was committing myself to this challenge, but I was also reaping so many benefits. I was embracing winter, I was getting out in nature, and I was just physically feeling the benefits from committing to this challenge.

Rae: My favourite part of the challenge was support from Val, obviously, but also from the community that had been brought together through the challenge. And then also through my posts, created conversation with people in my own circle, which was just such an amazing opportunity to talk about what I was doing, why I was doing it and how it was helping.

Ingrid: My favourite part about the 21 Day Challenge was the accountability. I think it's really hard to stick to a habit if you don't have that accountability and having, you know, thinking about having to post you know, the grid, saying whether I had done my habit that day. That was a great sense of accountability and really kept me going.

Milica: My favourite part of the 21 Day Challenge was I would say I have two parts. I think one of it is obviously the accountability and just being able to check in with somebody pretty much daily and have that motivation from Valerie and also the community as a whole to just continue going and you know, have the support to even like recalibrate my goal if needed not to feel so bad about it.

And then the other part was just the community aspect of being able to connect with people and talk about things that are a little bit deeper than the everyday that I think also was a really supportive aspect in making me feel less alone in trying to get to my habit goal.

Suzanne: Favourite part about the 21 Day Challenge was basically the accountability. I know that we didn't have to post every day but posting every day made the habit easier. and the connection with the group members who I had never met. It was really nice to connect with people through social media, and have a more positive connection to social media.

[11:58] I’ll be honest, I was a little worried at the very beginning of the challenge because there were multiple new habits for each person and when I’m working one-on-one with a client, we really focus on building one or two habits at a time. 

That being said, I did not encourage anyone to change their habits or narrow their list down, instead I really had them focus on their feeling word. Again, it was less about doing the habit every single day, and more about showing up every day with the energy of that feeling word, even if we didn’t do the actual habit, we were creating new neural pathways to create those elevated feelings and an elevated life by planting seeds over the 21 days. 

One of my goals for the challenge was to demonstrate the impact that a small action can have. The reason why I prefer to build one habit at a time is because it’s easier to change ONE thing than it is to make multiple changes and since it’s easier we are more likely to be consistent and build confidence and therefore continue with our habits. 

The impact really happens when we show up consistently.

Gaby: this challenge, also reawaken the part of me that actually loves to challenge myself. And I haven't been doing that for the past two years. So when I was out for one of those minus 20 walks, I thought even if I just get around the block, it's good enough. But once I got my butt out there, I was committed and focused and said no, I am doing this full walk 45 minute walk and after I did, I was so proud. And it just kind of lit a little bit of a fire inside of me again.

Kaitlin: I think the part of the challenge that impacted me most was my daily walks. That was something I was used to doing before I had my child and so getting back to that really felt like uplifting and just getting outside every day really helped my mental health and my attitude towards the day.

Rae: Meditation itself is by far the thing that made the biggest impact. But it was also the fact that I was accomplishing this goal. And it felt like I was I felt like I was accomplishing it so easily. And so it was like one success just inspired another. I came out of the challenge feeling so accomplished. And it gave me the confidence that I could take on another new healthy habit and just continue building.

Milica: I would say the biggest impact during the 21 days was it was really just seeing how even a little bit of consistency goes a really long way. I think after the 21 Day Challenge ended I really wanted to keep going with the water intake goal that I had, and that it's actually quite easy to create a habit. It's just that the problem is starting which is always the most difficult part for me.

So being able to even create really small goals and trying to if it's too big of a goal trying to readjust it. That was really impactful for me and seeing that I don't have to be 100% all of the time in order to feel good and like to achieve something it's just the trying that really matters.

Kaylie: The challenge that impacted me most was discovering intermittent fasting. It was something I'd heard about, but I hadn't ever tried out and just having that support group to really dive into it completely changed my life and I am for sure continuing this habit for a long time.

Suzanne: The challenge that impacted me most was discovering intermittent fasting. It was something I'd heard about, but I hadn't ever tried out and just having that support group to really dive into it completely changed my life and I am for sure continuing this habit for a long time.

And I think that had the biggest impact over the three weeks because it had a trifecta effect on me.

By being kinder to myself. I also started eating healthier and just putting more energy into positive habits like working out and again like getting more sleep and just being kinder to my body both mentally and physically.

[16:59] Hearing how each unique person and their specific habits has impacted them in only three weeks gives me chills! I know the power of habits and I’ve seen how small actions can impact our lives over and over again, but it never ceases to amaze me how powerful and transformational habits really are.

Most of the time the healthy habits we set are REALLY easy! They are so easy to do, but they are also easier to not do. And this is because we are already in other habits that are automated so this new habit starts to form in a new part of our brain and it is not yet automatic. However, with the combination of setting a goal, attaching it to a feeling, joining an accountability group, sharing your success and progress, and checking into the community, and to myself you’ve got a really incredible formula for success. 

I know that in 21 days you will learn more about yourself, your goals, and you will even notice some surprises in three short weeks!

Gaby: I also love the accountability part of this challenge. You know, getting creative and posting my pictures of nature or being out in nature every day was was fun and really part of the challenge I enjoyed

Kaitlin: what surprised me about the challenge was I didn't feel overwhelmed by committing to these habits I felt like they really helped me to enjoy every day and to feel more energized and also like I could just tackle each day with a little bit more calm and clarity

Rae: what surprised me most was, I hate to say this, but it was almost how easy it became a daily habit. So quickly. It went from being something I had to get done to something I was craving to do. And I couldn't even imagine going a day now without doing it because it's something that has stayed with me. Since the challenge I knew almost immediately that this wasn't going to be something that I gave up after 21 days. So it was really just easily becoming an actual part of my my daily routine.

Ingrid: I hadn't done daily yoga practice for quite a while, like several years. So it was a lot of fun to get back into that and kind of surprised me that it was as easy as it was. And something really great that happened was that my boyfriend joined me in daily yoga practice and, you know, he's done some yoga in the past, but it's not one of his favorite activities. However, every night and when we did it after supper every night after we did yoga, he would always thank me and always said how great it made him feel. Even though he really didn't want to do it before we started.

Milica: ​​I think what surprised me in the habit challenge was how I tend to actually have quite lofty goals for myself at the beginning, but I really surprised myself in the amount of grace I gave myself and how I was able to adapt and readjust my goal according to how I was feeling because I know that sometimes depending on what the goal is, it's it's connected to how I'm feeling that particular day. So for example, my goal was to do my physiotherapy exercises. I didn't keep up with that one. That much because I just wasn't really feeling my best and I allowed myself that period of grace to just, you know, readjust what I was doing and try and focus on my other goal and that way I have a bigger sense of accomplishment even accomplishing the one thing

Kaylie: I was surprised about how easy it was to just change small things in my daily routine to create big impacts. And like big changes or taking on new habits doesn't have to be a big change. It's just finding those little things to alter and I know Val talks about it all the time, but I really experienced it during the challenge and that really surprised me. And yeah, it was a great pleasant surprise and I'm happy to have felt the effects of just those small changes in the right places.

Suzanne: What surprised me about working on my healthy habits in the challenge was how easy it was to do each day. And then to build on that as well. So, again, by starting off the day, being kinder to myself saying something positive to myself that I would carried through the day. And if there was something that became a bit of a challenge. It was easier because I was already in a better mindset. It was easier to handle that challenge and not be defeated immediately. It was easier for me to work ideas into my head to work through the challenge or solutions for the challenge were prior to the healthy habit challenge. I was probably more inclined to just be defeated right away.

[22:51] What healthy habit are you going to create and show up for for our next 21 day challenge? Are you already thinking about the daily actions? The feeling word for the three weeks? I hope so! 

No matter where you are currently in life: feeling depleted, unmotivated, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, stuck, or perhaps you are feeling inspired and excited to make a change in life…

The Elevate Your Life 21 Day Health Habit Challenge is an excellent place to start in creating and maintaining your new habits.

Currently the challenge is FREE to join and I am so thrilled to be offering this second round as we ease into this new spring season!

If you are ready to join us please go to VALERIELAVIGNELIFE.COM/CHALLENGE and sign up today! Our upcoming challenge starts April 6th however there will be more challenges in the future if you’re listening to this post spring – use the same link and join us for future rounds!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E172: Boundaries + Priorities + Rules! OH MY!

If you’ve ever felt rebellious against structure, or rolled your eyes when someone tried to tell you about discipline, then this podcast episode is for you.

It’s also for you if you desire freedom. If you have an idea of an abundant future and you are ready to step into your power and embody that best version of yourself.

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Age of Aquarius

[00:48] For those of you who don’t already know this about me, I am an astrology enthusiast. My grandmother got me into it and would read me my horoscope in the paper everyday. I grew up discovering more resources for astrology and learned all about my natal chart and the different planets and signs within this chart. I even sprinkled some astrology into this podcast, like two weeks ago, and the episode about the new moon.

Episode 170: New Moon Rituals

Okay so what does this have to do with this episode? Well my friends, I am an Aquarius Sun, and Aquarius is not afraid to break rules. Aquarius is the rebel of the zodiac signs and they are driven by freedom. They are unpredictable, do things in their own way, and strive for improving systems and communities. 

Growing up, I felt very aligned with this. I embraced my rebellious nature - perhaps a little too much at times. But I fought against pre-built systems and structure and rules all. the. time.

It wasn’t until my early twenties when I heard someone say, “discipline equals freedom.” I think my eyes rolled so far back into my head I wasn’t sure if they’d be stuck there.

After hearing that phrase I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and so I wondered if discipline could bring me to where I desired. Because how it was going at the time… well that wasn’t really working out for me. Back then I was flying at the seat of my pants every day. Some days were wild and wonderful and fun. But most days left me feeling lost and confused and not anywhere near “freedom.” 

So I decided I was going to test the discipline equals freedom theory and like any Aquarius, I was going to do it in my own way. It was around the same time I was really diving into personal development and reading all these great books on habits, mindfulness, marketing, confidence, and so much more. 

I created a daily routine that included making my bed, eating a healthy breakfast, movement exercises (sometimes weights at the gym, sometimes hot yoga), journaling, and setting up my three to five small goals for the day.

This morning routine was vague enough for flexibility and freedom within the schedule, and specific enough to help me achieve goals in my health, wealth, and happiness. I could eat whatever I wanted for breakfast but it had to be healthy by my standards. Movement became more specific as I learned more about what my body wanted and craved. The journaling was about 3 minutes, maybe 5, I would answer a question every morning that I pulled from a list of “questions for self discovery” or something like that. And my three to five goals for the day helped me be more intentional in my day and focus on three to five tasks of whatever I wanted/felt like.

This was YEARS ago, so I’m not sure exactly how long it took to implement, but I can tell you that I still do some of these things every morning without fail! Of course the routine has evolved a bit, as my life and schedule have changed too, but I am a lot more intentional and a lot of people are surprised by my multi-coloured and full calendar. Whenever I get asked, “how do you have time to do all these different things?” My answer is, “I make the time.” or “I have clarity on my priorities” or “I set healthy boundaries” 

Discipline is the Act of Building Trust with Ourselves

[06:30] Although in the past I have been resistant to schedule and discipline, I understand now how powerful discipline is, and how beautiful boundaries are. 

To me, discipline is the act of building trust with ourselves. It’s not about following arbitrary rules or punishment for disobeying someone. It’s about making a promise to yourself and keeping that promise. It’s about doing what you said you were going to do. It’s about self worth. 

We are worthy of freedom. We are worthy of our desires. We are worthy of achieving our goals. But we aren’t going to get there without a plan of action. And most times that action requires setting boundaries.

Take Action: The Audit

If you are someone who wants to build in boundaries, but isn’t sure where to start… or you want more time in your week to doing things that bring you joy, here is your next step: Get out a notebook and a pen, or track on your phone notes, what you do every single day and how much time it takes you for three to seven days. Everything. 

I know, I know… you want more time and this exercise sounds like it’s going to take up all of your time, but I’m telling you it is going to change your life!

From when you wake up, to when you go to bed you are going to audit your time for a minimum of three days, and a maximum of seven. (TIP: If you do three, you can choose three different days, and if you do seven, try doing seven consecutive days).

This audit will reveal the blatant truth about where you’re really spending your time and energy. If you want a quick preview, turn on screen time and look at how much time you’re spending on your devices/apps. I’m embarrassed to say I spend more than five/six hours a day on a screen.

Build in Beautiful Boundaries

[08:54] Once you’ve collected the data you can build in your boundaries with screen time and any other time spent wasted or inefficient and use that time for anything that brings you joy! 

Here are some of my time/schedule boundaries:

• I have 1-2 days off every week. Right now this is only one day, and my goal is to get three days off, but I’m in a very busy season with lots of transitioning.

• My phone goes on airplane mode every night about 30 minutes before I go to bed, usually when I begin my evening routine. It stays on airplane mode until I get out of bed in the morning and go downstairs and start my day.

• I create my schedule for the month with my hormonal cycle and seasons in mind. The only week to book for podcast interviews is my “summer” season, I keep my “winter” open for lots of white space and creativity time, my “spring” is for strategy and new ideas, and my “fall” is for focusing on details and tying up loose ends.

• My day is time blocked and if it’s not on the schedule, it’s not getting done. I time block usually a week in advance with my workouts, healthy habits, and then work tasks go in. If I feel overwhelmed by my schedule I block off more time for self care and me time. This is even more important for busy weeks.

I’ve heard some people schedule calls every weekday but only during certain times, and other entrepreneurs only schedule calls one week every month.

My coach doesn’t work on Fridays. She has that day with her daughter and they go on adventures together. 

The day to day or weekly boundaries are important because they offer consistency, but take it from a busy business owner, sometimes we need to create rules for ourselves to maintain healthy relationships with others and with our own businesses.

Entrepreneur Examples

[11:17] An entrepreneur I follow has a rule that he only travels overnight for work once a month for only one-two nights at a time. He doesn’t want to be away from his wife and kids for too long. If he is invited to multiple events in a month, he tries to bring his family with him. If he can’t bring his family, and he’s already committed to an event that month, he declines. 

Another rule for a business owner I follow is his rule of traveling with colleagues or employees. He will not travel alone with a female unless it’s his wife or one of his daughters. If he goes on a trip with a female colleague or employee, he will invite another male on the trip. His reasoning is because he’s seen the negative impacts of men in the industry traveling alone with women, and even if he trusts himself and his colleague, he doesn’t trust the media or the people who may make assumptions.

This year I’m going to take July and August off of my online business. Well I’m going to ease off at least 50%. I’m strategizing now to have batched all my podcast episodes, emails, and membership content.

I will not be recording interviews, I will not be doing coaching calls, and I will be a little more playful on instagram, and posting a lot less. I’ve done this only once before and it was AWESOME, but I guess I didn’t have a plan the following years and… well I wasn’t disciplined enough to make it happen.

Putting it All Together

[13:22] When you’re thinking of your own boundaries and rules, and how to create discipline for your life, I encourage you to first get clear on your priorities. What is important to you in your life? Why is it important? What parts of your business are important to you? Why are they important? What do you want more of? 

Answering these questions, and/or getting clear on your core values will help you better understand what tasks, invitations, and activities are best for you to accept and prioritize. If your goal is financial freedom, then you need to stop trading time for dollars, and start strategizing your systems or passive income methods.

If your core value is family, set those work boundaries and block out that time for family activities or family dinners, or rules like not being away from your family for more than two days at a time.

When you are clear about your core values, your goals, and/or your intentions, these are the things you will prioritize and put first into your calendar. These are the things you say yes to. Anything that doesn’t support this, is going to be a “no thank you.”

If freedom is your core value… what life are you living, building, creating for yourself where you can feel FREE!? Maybe it starts with sprinkles of daily freedom of white space or surprise Saturdays where you don’t book anything at all. And then the other days you’re building that pipeline for financial and time freedom so most days can be full of surprises and adventure. 

Bring those core values into your days by becoming disciplined to them. Build out your boundaries so that there is no excuse to not experience joy or spend time with your family. Prioritize you/your goals/your values as often and consistently as possible. 

Screenshot this episode, share it with me on instagram @vallavignelife and let me know what boundaries, priorities, and rules you are implementing into your life and business.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love with Emmy Rousseau

Whenever I get to chat with someone about elevating ourselves and bringing more joy to our lives, I am automatically ascended into a higher frequency of joy + love. I hope you feel the same after tuning into this wonderful conversation with Emmy Rousseau and I…

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Books Mentioned in this episode:

Robin Sharama - 5 Am Club
Emily Fletcher - Stress Less Accomplish More 
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love

[01:26] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to introduce you to a very good and new friend of mine. I mean, me and I met at a wellness retreat probably a few months ago. Now I want to say like six months ago at the time, four months ago, something like that. And we kind of became like fast friends, I would say we connected over this weekend, retreated, and then we started talking more online. We went out for a walk together. A really freezing cold walk. But I've loved how our friendship has cultivated over these few months. And I wanted to just say that because I thought it was really important. And I wanted to show my gratitude for you. So welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast.

[02:16] Emmy Rousseau: Thank you so much. I too like that I'm grateful to be here. I knew that amazing podcast but I'm more way more grateful for the friendship that we have started cultivating and it's been so just free flowing and awesome and grateful to be here.

VL: You’re so very welcome. What I love about how and I think this is why we became fast friends is because we do have a lot of overlapping offerings or kind of interest I guess. We both teach fitness, we both talk about holistic healing and one of the really big conversations that we often have is about self care and about prioritizing ourselves. So I love to just dive into this topic today and maybe you can start us off with that.

ER: Absolutely. Yeah, I'm like my pillars are self love, joy and gratitude and they're really all about serving yourself right but not in so many people have that whole like, oh, self care is selfish or self love is selfish. And I just want to like no, it's actually the opposite of self image.

Because when you do love yourself first, then you can fill your cup and it can overflow and you can serve others better than when we try to tie ourselves out and go from like the bare minimums and put ourselves last on the list and then we don't actually serve anybody. Well, like nobody. I mean, even if you talk like we both are fitness instructors, and if you thought about do you want to go and take a class with a fitness instructor who is fit, where our fitness instructor who has to stop every half song, and like take five breaths and take some water and then you're gonna want somebody who's fit and that's because they take care of themselves and their fitness and that's why they can lead you in that they can serve you and fitness better, because they are also fit. And it's the same. It's anything like we can easily see. You don't want somebody who's and that doesn't mean you have to be a certain body size. By the way when I say fit. It's not at all what I mean but you still have to have a level of fitness that you could leave this fitness class.

You don't want to go to fitness class or somebody who's just totally out of shape and can't they do well. Same thing when we're serving and leading other people everywhere in our lives, whether it's our kids, our co workers or employees or friends. If we want to be of service then we need to be our best selves.

[05:02] VL: Exactly, I like to think of it as like really strong leaders leading by example. It's not a do as I say not as I do. It's here. This is me actually putting in the work. And the other thing you said that I think people forget about because it's such a cliche is filling your cup first. So I've been really working on this because I want to be able to express the importance of filling your cup versus other people. So this is what I came up with and I want to entertain you today. So you're like Bring it on.

Okay, so I love champagne and Prosecco and all things probably. And when I think about is, you know the champagne glasses and glass and you see those champagne towers and so you've got one glass at the top and then you have four below that and then eight below that, and then it keeps going and it's exponential, how many champagne glasses coupe glasses you can have. And so I imagine that you're at the top of your tower, your champagne tower, and the champagne is pouring into you. And when that cup overflows and then goes into for more, or four more classes or four more people and then the growth just becomes exponential as like the more you pour into your craft, the more people you can serve. And those are the people who depend on you. Those are the people who are holding you up and you are holding them up by letting yourself be full, letting your class people let your copy flow and letting it pour onto others and you don't deplete yourself. I think sometimes or at least I thought this is I would fill up my cup and then I pour my cup into others but no you want to overflow your cup so that there is an abundance, of energy of love of joy of all of the things to to get people into the space that they need to so that was my or that is my new way of looking at the filling your cups. I hope you enjoyed it.

[07:10] ER: I think that is such a good visual because people know that if you only filled the champagne glass half the rest of the bottom aren't getting anything, you know, it just would stop right? That's what would happen with the champagne example. So it's such a perfect visual for people and nobody says, Oh yeah, stop filling that top champagne glass half it's already half full. We can drink from that and it'll be fine. Like, well, how far are you getting in pouring into those other cups that even if he did that, not very far so. 

VL: Absolutely. And highlighting what you said. It's not selfish to put yourself first. This is huge when we talk a little bit more about that?

ER: Oh yeah, because I think it's something that so many people have a hard time with and I did it for years and years. I was that. Oh, what does it matter if I don't get enough sleep or it doesn't matter? If I miss my workout? As long as I'm there for other people. That's what it is. And now I've shifted that in my life and it's not always easy to to shift that because some people who are used to you serving from your cup half full and giving more than you have to give will start to think like, are you putting yourself above us like what's going on here? And one of my kids recently said that to me. He said I can see how you would think that. Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that to me. This is not the case. This is me being my best self so I can actually be better for you. And my daughter said it best when I was a part of the 5am club like years ago. It was amazing. I was on my A game and then I dropped off. And then she said to me one day you know you're so much better than when you were a 5am club girl. I like even a teenager could notice that. You know something? Because you know teenagers are naturally egocentric in their own world. They're concerned about their own friends. That's where they should be. So if your teenager notices that you were a better person, when you were filling the 5am Club is all about filling your own cup first 100% before anybody else is awake for the day, you are starting and so now like my morning routine is the probably most important thing to me in my whole day. The days I don't do it are the days that I have crappier days and they know it and the days I do it I'm feeling amazing, and then I can absolutely show up amazing for everyone else. 

[09:37] VL: That's huge. And for other people to notice that around you is also just confirmation and that's why filling your cup is so important. Putting yourself first is so important. Would you be open to sharing your morning routine with us and taking us through that? 

ER: I would love to. So I did start with the formula of the 5am Club which is like Robin Sharma if you don't know him, he's an awesome Canadian author. Everybody should check him out. I love him. But it has evolved a little bit. So for me now what I do is I start my day with either breathwork or meditation. Right now I'm doing the Wim Hof Method Course where it's just like, for me, I'm all about the breath work, but getting into the cold shower. It was very challenging for either of you and whenever you walked but actually you were one of the people that inspired me to do it. So thank you for that.

So I'll start with his breath work and then I jump into the cold shower and then I will have meditation. Oh, so that's part of the whole thing. And then I do my five minute journal. That's a huge thing for me, starting my day with intention and gratitude is such a game changer as well. Such a mood changer. I feel like gratitude is one of the fastest ways to just boost your mood. So starting that way is awesome. And 20 minutes of reading, and at least 20 minutes of exercise. It usually ends up being half an hour because I often have one of my classes in the morning but so that's what my morning Oh and I forgot one important piece. I also visualize my day for 10 minutes. So I look at my calendar, what do I have on for the day? And then I just bang bang, bang, bang bang, like what's it going to be like? And I imagine it, how it's going to feel amazing, how it's all going to go great whether it's a super exciting business meeting I'm thinking about or a difficult conversation with a loved one. I picture it going as well as it possibly can. Everybody is feeling good. And nine times out of 10 It goes way better when I visualize it. Then when I skip that, that piece.

That’s my morning routine.

[11:56] VL: That’s amazing!  I love that. That is such a really wonderful way to connect to so many different parts of you and I love that you're doing something that's super out of your comfort zone with the cool chairs. I know this is somewhat new to your morning routine and it is a bit of a shock but it's also one of those things where you are overcoming something so huge and starting your day with something that makes you feel invincible. I mean, I know I've only done one cold.

I'm not doing that every day but I might be convinced.

So that is so amazing. I feel like you have a lot of different practices, a lot of different kinds of, I guess tools in your toolkit and you've already shared that this morning routine has evolved for you in the last little while. So for people who are listening, you're thinking no I really like some of the things that you shared. What would be your wisdom to people who want to start their own work routine or who want to create their own self care practice? Where do we begin with all of these different practices and tools?

ER: Begin small first of all, do not think like this morning routine takes me probably an hour and a half most days and I'm lucky that I'm at the stage of life where I don't have little kids. So it's easy for me to get up an hour and a half earlier and even when they get up like they're doing their own thing but a recognize where you're at and where you're starting from. And just pick one little thing to start with so maybe you're only getting up five or 10 minutes early. I have read so much about her getting up an hour early. So he and such a game changer. But I never recommend people start there because it's really hard to shift your body just to like, oh, okay, I used to wake up at seven. I'm gonna wake up at six 6am comes and your alarm is like and you're like, Heck no, I am not doing that. And you snooze and then you feel like you're a failure and then you're just not setting yourself up for success. So making it small and manageable where you would I'm going to start with gratitude, I can write three things. I'm grateful for waking up and maybe three intentions for the day. That will take me less than five minutes. So all I need to do is set my alarm for five minutes before and whatever the one tool that you're hear about that really sounds like oh, that's the one I want to try. That's the one you should try because you're most drawn to it. You're most likely to follow through with it. Once that becomes a habit for you. Then you can have it stack and add a new thing to it and build it up to whatever and your morning routine. Maybe it will be 20 minutes max, maybe it'll be half an hour max. Maybe it will be an hour like you'll see what fits into your life and what feels good once it's there. But build it slowly. I think that's so important.

[14:45] VL: Yeah, absolutely. That's a really great point.

​I like what you said about which one sounds good or which one feels good for you and which one is sparking some sort of curiosity. Start with that one. Because when we start with the things that excite us as well, we're more likely to do them. And then by picking something smaller, choosing something small and starting there. We are beginning to create this confidence and this momentum with ourselves because we're one more excited to do it too. We actually do it because it's attainable and realistic to do. and then we're like, Hey, I took a cold shower today. That's awesome. Hey, I took a cold shower three times this week. Oh, that's amazing. Oh my goodness. I took a cold shower every single day this week. and then we just start to keep building up on those wins.

And well, at the time of this recording, we're still in the 21 Day Challenge. However, when this podcast comes out, we wouldn't have been done the 21 day challenge and I wanted to quickly chat about this because we are on the topic of habits now but something that has come up for you a lot in this challenge is recognizing like you said where you are and that starting point but not only the starting point but recognize where you are throughout your journey. And I love how you've been talking about giving yourself grace and this positive self talk of even if you did enjoy 100% Today, you still showed up for yourself. So maybe let's chat a little bit more about this and how you have come to this place of really honoring what you need. How do you know what you need? How do you talk to yourself this way? How do you keep going even when you don't have days where you're at 100%?

[16:30] ER: That's been probably the most recent accomplishment or awareness or development for me. It was in December that November I was at a speaking competition. And I hadn't placed and that was fine. It wasn't about that. But all of a sudden it hit me like hold on. I'm really good at helping other people further themselves. Why am I not this good at helping me further myself become so skilled Why am I still so close to my starting line? And I realized I'm being way harder on myself than I would with other people and if someone came to me with an issue like I was having, I would be encouraged to talk to them. Why am I not talking to myself the same way that I would talk to someone else? That's really just becoming conscious of how I speak to myself and saying, no, if I catch myself in that old habit, not going to do that anymore. I'm going to totally just encourage myself and break what would I say to a friend and whatever I would say to the friend that's going to be the kind of compassionate thing and then turn that back on myself. So yes, in this 21 Day habit I have loved that. I have two goals. And before if I did one goal, and I didn't do the other one. It would be like, I'm not meeting my boss. Then this time I was like no, I'm at 50% of my goals because I did one and then I and then as I was talking to you and as I call on a second Actually, I did half of the one goal and the other work fully so that's really 75% Let's just celebrate exactly what I'm doing. And another tool that's really helped me with that was Mel Robbins High Five habit. I find myself in the mirror every day and be like, I got your back girl that has changed my self talk in such a small way but it's made such a big impact. I'm doing it every single day even when I'm not in a moment where I'm feeling low and just automatically getting up high fiber myself and saying I got your back so already my brain said she talks to herself. Alright, so she keeps on that momentum instead of Oh, shucks down to herself. I'm gonna keep on that brought that I think it has really helped to shift that for me.

[18:48] VL: That's such a great point of going back to that.

That high flying habit. I've done this before. I don't even know how it started. I want to say they didn't like the way I was treating myself similarly to you or like you're like oh wow, I did not say something nice about this opportunity. So I would never say that to somebody else. Why on earth am I saying that to myself? And so what I started to do was wink at myself in the mirror when I would walk or buyer pass by reflection or anything like that and I didn't kind of jokingly but kind of for fun. I thought it was something that was like, Yeah, you know, I always get myself it's easy to do it simple and having that simplified. Behavior really does help to change the pattern. And it doesn't have to be some sort of crazy ritual where you're journaling about yourself and you have to like to stand in the mirror for an hour, whatever it is, it can be super simple, like a week or a high five. So that's so great that you share that and I'm so glad that you've been on this recent journey of awareness and positive self talk because it's one of the things that I know that I'm really passionate about is like really getting rid of that negative self talk.

This is so helpful.

Can you share some of our tools for people who are listening who maybe are like, I like some of the things that they're saying, but what else can we do to put ourselves first and what are some other examples that we could talk about?

[20:23] ER: Well, I really like it, I'm a simple kind of person so I'd like to keep things simple and practical and easy to do.

VL: Because I'm not the most patient person. So if something's gonna take a long time, I'm probably not going to put in the effort at the beginning. And be because we all have lives that generally here in our society are actually over. Busy, not even just busy, but like, over busy. So who has time to start this big, complicated thing? I'm all about simple, simple, simple. So two of the things that I do in this I really love is scheduling in joy. Time, every day, I don't have to schedule it anymore because now I just automatically do it. But right at the beginning, I still do schedule it, but I don't even have to look at that part of my schedule, because I know that like, okay, right before lunch, I'm gonna have like a five minute dance break because I love to dance. So that's something that brings me joy. Put it in the face. They'd like to take a book into the bathroom because they just needed some quiet time, some alone time to like lock the door in readable time that was their time for them. And finding those like little just 5-10 minutes, sometimes a three minute nugget times to take a breath and bring yourself back to the present and feel better. It's good or anything that brings you joy, and I think it's a little sad that many of us don't even know what brings us joy anymore. So if you happen to be a listener that thinks that like sounds good but what even brings me joy anymore a know you're not alone. I think that's pretty normal these days. And be start to think back to like, what did I love to do as a kid? You know, if you loved to get out and jump in puddles that maybe like going for a walk in nature is going to be one of your things you know, if you love loved, like for me, I love to watch solid gold, which I know now you're too young to know what is even solid gold. It was like the show the dance show today, and I would just imagine I was a solid gold dancer. So it's always been a thing for me, you know, reading or whatever it is that brings you joy, spending time with people, whatever it is that brings you joy and obviously, spending time with people you can't get to someone in five minutes, but you could send somebody a text message unexpected that they don't think you're gonna say something that you were thinking about them and that brings them joy and brings you joy, somebody little ways that we can just do it in micro doses, which is fantastic.

And another thing here now a lot of people are gonna be like me and I know because I was one of them is honestly meditation. I used to think, I cannot meditate as they have tried, it is not for me.

A there's a million types of meditation. It's like the genres of books. So if you haven't found a book you like I'm like try it for time because there's something for everybody. Maybe it's an audio book, maybe it's a genre of books. It's pretty the same as meditation. There's walking meditations, that silent meditation, there's guided meditations, there's like a million things you can do to meditate and really ways to meditate. Just keep trying something to find what works for you. And I read a book. Oh my goodness. Emily Fletcher's book on meditation, Stress Less achieved more is actually designed for high achievers should like this is not for the Tibetan monk who wants to sit on the mountaintop and meditate all day. This is for the busy person who wants to have more stuff. She talks eight chapters about the benefits of meditation. So if you're not if you're not sold, it's a great book to read. And then she gets into the house and she actually recommends to 15 minutes a day, one in the morning. And one like mid afternoon. When I started doing that that afternoon for three weeks I felt nothing or disclosure as I was really do anything. And then one day I had really a conversation with someone on the phone and I was like, Alright, I'm going to meditate now and I came out of that 15 minutes. So calm going from like raging in my head. To Wow, I feel amazing about the day and ever since I've like Alright, got to get that second meditation. And so that's another tool that I use as well. And then my five minute journal, there's also a evening portion. So that helps me to just set my brain right and positive or before I go to sleep.

[24:55] VL: Yeah, and a lot of these practices. I know that you mentioned a few of them already. They don't have to be in the morning. So I know that. I don't know what it is about morning routines. Everyone just wants to have this perfect morning routine and sometimes it can't always be that way. So being able to kind of sprinkle in habits is also very beneficial. So I'm glad that you mentioned that as well. I don't know if I should use Insight Timer for meditation, but I love this app because it has made meditation possible. And I find that I'll just put one on and then sometimes I stumble upon some really great meditation teachers and then I just follow them and I just want to listen to all their meditations. I also got an OURA ring for Christmas. and the aura ring has meditations on it too. And they talk about it as restored in time. So they're really short little meditations, actually different this morning and after you do the recording after you listen to the recording and asked, How do you feel, do you feel the same?'' Do you feel worse to build better or do you feel like, super, whatever, there's like a smiley face so you have to pick. And I, a little bit five minutes this morning but I did. I was like, I do feel better, I do feel a lot better than when I started, just a simple little tool.

EM: I love that you said it was a restorative practice. Lisa Nichols said that rest is the root word of restoration. And if we think about restorative furniture, we love it right? We get this old crappy dresser and then we get it restored and it looks shiny and new and beautiful. We love it. And that's what we want it to look like. It's the same with our bodies. Our bodies need rest to restore. So that's one other thing that I think so often gets overlooked. And if we think of it in that way, most of us don't think of rest as restoring our body, but it is really when our body gets the time to heal because we're not asking it to do a million other things. So that's one of the things that is so, so important, which I think a lot of us downplay, as well.

[27:05] VL: Yeah, I agree. I love that. 

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RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

A Return to Love - Marrianne Williamson

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment is really about taking what you have inside I think and recognizing your strengths and then just letting them shine. If we all let our strengths shrine. We all show up into the world as empowered, and then by doing that we also empower others with that whole champagne ripple effect.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

The longest standing would be the 5am waking up. Yeah.

4. What are you currently working toward?

So many things. I am always working towards just being the best me I can be every day. That's my most important goal is being the best thing I can every single day. And as I realized how mental wellness plays such a big part of that feeling really called to create a community of people who want to play mental wellness a priority in your life so that's something that's been percolating in my head right now. That's the latest and greatest.

VL: That sounds so incredible. Thank you so much for joining me today. This was such a great conversation. I feel like a lot of people will resonate with what you're saying or at least sparks of interest and joy and excitement into everything that you offered. So I really want to just recognize you and your voice and all the things you have to teach and share your wisdom I'm so grateful for our friendship as well. Of course this conversation was great, but it goes too much deeper than that. and I know that we're going to have more conversations that are probably not all being recorded. but yeah, I love I love everything that you said today and I'm excited for all the things that you're working on. So thank you again so much. 

ER: Thank you so much, it was such a pleasure and an honor.

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Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E170: New Moon Rituals

The New Moon is very much aligned with the season of winter. This is a time of rest and reflection, with dark, cool and quiet qualities. The New Moon, and the week surrounding it is when there is little to no moonlight and the stars twinkle brightly in the sky.

During this phase we may feel tuned into our intuition or feel called to turn inward and access the dream realm. Perhaps we feel less excited about social events and feel more inclined to stay home and visualize the life we want to create. 

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To tap into this new moon power, there are a few different rituals and practices we can implement to make us more open to our intuition and to creative downloads. 

Although this episode releases on a Pisces new moon, these rituals can be used for almost every new moon from today onward. I imagine this to be an episode that we can come back to when the next new moon phase happens and we want to recreate stillness and connect to this powerful energy.

The few days before and after the new moon are the best times to lean into the open energies and to make time to reflect. If you aren’t sure when the next new moon is, you can google it. I like to put the lunar calendar for the year into my planner/schedule so that I know what is happening when and can schedule these rituals or make time for these practices instead of rushing to something last minute.

Remember that this is a beautifully quiet time in the lunar cycle. We want our bodies and minds to feel calm, grounded. This is a very intuitive phase and the more we can connect to stillness, the more open we will be to receiving. In this quiet and stillness, in this void if you will, we will probably feel dark, and empty, and this might feel unknown or uncomfortable. But remember that the new moon IS a time of darkness and emptiness and it’s an opportunity to surrender to this discomfort, step into the unknown and embrace the uncertainty of this space. The more we can lean in and surrender to it, the more clarity we can receive. 

[03:08] 1. Create Sacred Space

What does stillness, darkness, and quiet mean to you? It could be turning off the lights and surrounding yourself with candles or salt lamps. Maybe it’s drawing a warm bath and closing the door to be alone. Or maybe it’s a gentle yoga practice with a long savasana on your mat. 

Creating sacred space means carefully or thoughtfully preparing the physical space you’re in, but also the mental and emotional space too. Before getting into the heart of your ritual, take a few minutes to breathe mindfully, and relax the physical body so you can better connect to your thoughts, feelings, emotions and spiritual self. 

Your space can be minimal or you can bring a number/variety of talismans or charms into the space such as crystals, jewelry, special coins, oracle or tarot cards, books, journals, essential oils, candles, photos, flowers, food, anything you like. 

I usually tap into how I’m feeling and what I would like to include in the ritual and some days it’s a single crystal, other days I lay out a full altar. If you choose to create a large or full altar I encourage you to pick and place everything slowly and mindfully rather than just tossing a bunch of your cool crystals in a pile. Make it special in your own way.

Quick tip: this moon phase as I mentioned before is very quiet and still. However most of us do not live a very quiet or still life. If you are like me and feel restless or mentally overwhelmed before meditation or quiet time, incorporate movement into your ritual before settling in. This could be with yoga, walking, or anything physical to move lingering energy.

[06:20] 2. Set Meaningful Intentions

One of the most important things to do during the new moon (in my opinion) is set meaningful intentions.

1 month: One full lunar cycle is about 28 days, set an intention that you want to embody or focus on for a month.

6 months: The astrological lunar calendar changes often depending on the planets. The zodiac sign the moon is in in the sky changes every 2-3 days. This means there will be multiple moons in pisces, but the next “significant” moon in pisces will be the full moon and this will be later in september, about 6 months away from when this episode comes out. 

This means we can create intentions for the next 6 months and we can revisit to see how we did with keeping them or embodying them in 6 months time.

12 months: The next pisces new moon will be next February or March, in about 12 months. This means we will have completed the astrological lunar cycle as it relates to the new moon phase. My intention for this episode - speaking of intentions - is not to get too deep into the astrology part of the lunar cycles, but I did want to sprinkle this in because when we’re setting our meaningful intentions we want to also set them for the year.

Now you might be listening to this episode and thinking, “well how am I supposed to set a new intention every month for one, six, and twelve months!?” And my answer to you is, keep it simple. Your monthly intention may change each new moon, and maybe you have an intention for the year that you can break down into smaller intentions for each month or for each half of the year.

For example: Maybe your intention for the 12 months is to feel more peaceful in your mind, body, and soul. Breaking this down into a six month goal or intention could be to create a consistent yoga practice. The monthly goals could be: find a studio I vibe with, do one yoga class and one guided meditation each week, and then build off that each month.

[08:29] 3. Start Something New

With the new moon being the start of a new lunar cycle, it’s also a great time to start something new! This energy is all about newness!

• Create a new habit

• Start practicing a new skill

• Connect with new people

• Say yes to invitations 

• Join a new community

Not sure where to begin? Well, start by thinking about what you’re most passionate about and go from there. This is the perfect time to embrace the moment, follow the fire, and plant seeds for momentum.

[09:15] Make a Manifestation List

With new moon energy comes manifestation powers! Just like starting something new, we can call in and manifest what we desire to bring into our lives. You can break down your intentions into a list of what you want to attract and go into detail of those intentions.

Let’s use another example: your intention is to attract more clients into your business. What types of clients do you want to attract? How does your relationship with them feel? Describe the onboarding process and the emotions you experience when you meet them and invite them into your business. What kind of community do you want to cultivate? What will your work hours be like? What sort of projects or goals will you and your new clients want to work on? Go deep and write it all out in a list or in a paragraph form if that’s more your style!

Quick tip: write this in the past or present tense rather than future tense. This will help your mind/brain get on the level that has it thinking this has already happened and is very important when manifesting!!

[10:27] 5. Your Own Ritual

I mentioned before that not all my new moon rituals look or feel the same. When we’re tapping into creativity and creating spaciousness and embracing emptiness, it’s really about listening to how that works for you. Perhaps it’s movement or bringing in the elements, perhaps journalling, moving your body with ecstatic dance. Whatever that essence of the new moon means for you, is what you want to create: quiet, stillness, darkness. Let it be fluid, flexible and change each month if that’s what works for you.

If you’re interested in the astrology part of the new moon, check out CHANI APP —> http://chani-nicholas.myshopify.com 

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Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E169: Are Your Intentions Helping You or Hurting You?

In this week’s episode we’ll find out if our goals are helping us or are they hurting us? Plus, we’ll learn how to evaluate our current goals, and how to set more meaningful goals for the future!

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For those of you who don’t already know, I’ve been teaching pilates for almost 10 years which is wild and amazing! And I own a reformer pilates studio in downtown Burlington, Ontario called EXHALE PILATES. Reformer pilates is a type of pilates that uses the reformer machine, which is this super incredible piece of equipment that has pulleys and spring tensions that make for a killer full-body workout. Plus it’s super fun and every class is unique and challenging in it’s own way. 

Over the decade I’ve taught all kinds of clients: people who are brand new to the machine, pilates enthusiasts, olympic athletes, clients who need support with physiotherapy, new and expecting moms - you name it!

And whenever I first meet someone in a session, I always ask them the same few questions and the answer to one of the questions I have will tell me whether or not this person will be successful with their goals. 

The question is: What are your goals or intentions for pilates?

Now the answer is different with each person who comes into the studio, however their answer typically falls under two general categories. And this isn’t just for pilates, it’s for all goals.

So let’s adjust the question to better suit you. Ask yourself, “what are my intentions for (fill in the blank for your most recent goals)?

Maybe these are your 2022 goals, or your goals for the quarter/month/week or even goals for the day. What is the intention behind your goal? What is the goal behind your action?

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

Write down, or make a note of your answer. 

The answer will likely fall under either of these two categories: external or internal goals/intentions.

External goals are very common. These will be things outside of ourselves, such as a goal to get a beach body for summer, to make 10k this month or to increase a client list.

The problem with external goals is that they are things we cannot control, at least not directly. There will be many factors affecting these external intentions but they will always be outside of us. The amount of money we make will change every month, our bodies and the way we see ourselves physically will change as well; these are variables. 

A great example I heard was if you were to enter a dance competition and your goal was to win the competition. This is an external goal because the three judges adjudicating you are completely out of your control; the results will be different. The judges will change, the other competitors will change, this is out of your control.

Internal goals are intentions that are within our control. They are more internal. They are the types of goals we want to focus on.

Goals like feeling better in our bodies, being consistent with our healthy habits, showing up as the expert in our business networks, reading 10 pages of a book every day, etc.

With our dance competition example, the internal goal would be to increase or correct footwork, hit the right timing, stretch daily, etc.

If your external goal is to attract more clients, consider implementing internal goals like creating consistent, valuable content. It may not have a direct correlation with your sales, but it is in your control. And depending on where you’re sharing the content, there are a lot of insights you can receive from this that can help you improve your following, email list, reach, and with time and consistency can convert a viewer/follower/subscriber into a paying customer.

Let’s take a look at a few more examples:

Someone coming to pilates with an external goal to get a “beach body for summer.” Our physical health has many limbs I’ll call them. Yes physical fitness and exercise will definitely help to improve physical health, but sleep, hydration, nutrition, self talk are also really impactful limbs of how we look and feel physically. 

The other concern I have for this type of goal is that it isn’t lasting. At the time of this recording, summer is about 4 months away. This means that someone with this goal could be overworking their body to reach a goal for the summer, and then after summer just completely stop their healthy habits. Then after fall and winter, they will cycle back into this external goal and we’ve now created a vicious and unhelpful/unhealthy cycle.

So what can we do? Well, we can create smaller habits that support our physical health such as regular fitness, prioritizing hydration, meditation, going to bed within the same hour every night, cooking the majority of our meals at home, etc.

For business goals that are internal and controllable, focus on creating valuable content - consistently. Perhaps that is a weekly podcast episode, video, or email.

Consistency with your internal goals is the KEY! This isn’t a once a month or once a quarter commitment. The more consistent you can be, the more successful your goals will be. You can’t be hydrated 2 out of 7 days a week. Your body will be constantly catching up with the hydration.

Recently I listened to tens of episodes of a business podcast I really enjoyed and then randomly they stopped making episodes. No explanation, just no more episodes. I’m not sure where to connect with them, or where to consume more of their valuable content. They haven’t published in over a year!? I was honestly really excited to learn more from them and I would honestly love to buy what they’re selling but I don’t even know if they’re selling anything anymore!?

As a consumer of this valuable content I truthfully feel a bit betrayed by this and am now unsure if I want to buy what they’re selling because what if they just stop producing or go MIA in their paid courses. 

Okay, let’s look back at the list of goals we wrote down/made a note of earlier in this episode. Which of the two categories did they fall under? External or internal?

Don’t panic or judge yourself for any external goals on your list. Remember, these are very common. Instead of taking them off your list completely, brainstorm a few internal goals that could support your external goals. Feel free to tap back to rewind this episode for a few of the examples. 

When creating internal goals, here are a few questions to ask to keep you on the right track:

1. Is this goal/intention within my control?

2. How can I break this goal/intention down into a smaller/bite-sized habit I can do more frequently (daily/weekly)?

3. How will I track/measure this goal?

4. What will help me be more consistent with this intention?

5. What “big picture” or larger goal does this smaller internal goal support?

I am feeling fired up about these new internal goals and intentions we are creating! Now is the time to TAKE ACTION! Screenshot this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife and share your internal goals with me there! I love meeting the listeners of the show and connecting with you more!

Happy intention and goal setting!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E168: Building Trust with Yourself: From Timid to Confident Series

A new style than our usual podcast format. I, Valerie LaVigne, am being interviewed. In this From Timid to Confident Summit I share the FULL version of my story.

Thank you Coach Kasia Bradford for holding space and allowing me to share this journey I am on…

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[02:03] Kasia Bradford: Hi, everyone, welcome to from timid to confidence series. I am so excited to introduce you to our guests today. But before we get started My name is Kasia Bradford and I am the host of the series. The series for those of you who are collecting situations that are no longer serving you, and you are ready for your next app level, that big decision you really want to make. But you don't quite feel confident enough to be here.

So the series will bring you amazing stories from amazing people who also were in that spot. At one point in their life. And they will share with you how they tapped into their confidence and allow themselves to make bold moves that have been thriving today. It is our vision that by the end of the series, you will step into your power and make the power decisions that will allow you to create the life that you want to live. So without further ado, I am so excited to introduce our guest today Valerie LaVigne. It's incredible to have you here.

[03:07] Valerie LaVigne: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be part of this summit. This is amazing and I'm very grateful that that you invited me on and that you're doing this because I think it's gonna be really powerful for people.

KS: Yay. We're super proud. Like I said, Valerie, you've got healthy habit mentoring podcaster and I will turn it over to you. Please introduce yourself and share a little bit about your background and what you're up to right now.

VL: Sure, I'd love to so I just said I am Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor. Basically what that means is I help women who are making an impact prioritize their health and their wellness without adding to their already busy schedules because let's be honest, we're all very busy right now.

And I do this so that people can feel great in their body and really show up powerfully for the people who are depending on them. And as you said I'm also a podcaster and I host the Women's Empowerment Podcast. This is all about health and wellness. and happiness. and each week there's a new story or a new little mini training to inspire you and motivate you to take action towards your own goals and your own habits and your own lifestyle.

KS: Awesome.

Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and kind of how you got into doing what it is that you're doing?

[04:00] VL: Yeah, that's a very great question. So my kind of story I guess of how I got to where I am today had to do with a lot of random kinds of situations. But also if I look and trace the common line through it all, it all had to do with health and wellness and just my curiosity for healthy living and yoga. So I'll start very early on which was when I was nine or 10 years old, someone in class said that their dad was able to quit smoking through yoga and meditation. That was the first time I'd ever heard of yoga or meditation before and as soon as they said that I had this really intense I guess gut feeling or just this feeling thinking like I need to know more about this. So I learned a little bit more about yoga and about meditation. And a few years later, I saw that in our local rec center for like there's a Kids program. So yoga for teens, and so I begged my mom to sign me up for it. And every week I did yoga with a bunch of other 12 and 13 year olds and I started practicing yoga and I really liked it. I liked how it made me calm and it helped me focus. I would practice it at home. I'd get up really early to do yoga in my bedroom. It was mostly just like stretching for me at the time. And I didn't really understand the impact that it was making for me in the long run. I just knew that I really loved it and I just had to follow this feeling. And so throughout high school people knew me as the Yoga Girl because I was always doing yoga and we went to a yoga studio and gym class and everyone wanted to kind of put their map beside mine because they knew that I did this in the mornings. And then fast forward to first year university I got really sick. I will be really honest and say that I didn't want to go to university. I didn't want to be a number in a room full of people who I didn't know who you know, I wanted to make a big difference in the world. And I didn't think that university was going to help me get there. I didn't understand how slaving away for four years getting a piece of paper that says that I did that and like going into debt because of it. Anyway, I totally see how people want to do that and they have so much success with it. I just knew that it wasn't for me. I had that gut feeling again that I shouldn't go but I went to see my parents and that first year was really tough for me physically, it didn't matter how much Yoga I was doing or meditation I was doing I got really sick and I had to be hospitalized. And what ended up happening was I convinced my parents that I wanted to defer from university and I went to a local college instead. And when I was back home visiting my parents after I was recovering from being in the hospital, I bumped into a friend from high school and that friend was also coming home for personal reasons. And so we were connecting together and she said, hey, my mom's gonna open a yoga studio in town. I know you're really into yoga, do you want to work there and you can take classes for free? And again, my gut response was like, Yeah, I want to work there and take free yoga classes like are you kidding? So I went to school close to home. I started practicing yoga again in the studio working in the studio getting to know more about yoga. When I had breaks I would read the books that we had in the little boutique store that was at the studio. I learned more about the philosophy of it and just like again, diving into something that really was like sparking something in me and bringing you joy. And then eventually that job turned into an opportunity to become a yoga teacher. They started doing yoga teacher training and again, it was like heck yes, I want to do this. This feels good. And following that feeling and just continuing my yoga practice and learning more. And then believe it or not, I got fired from this job.

After I became a yoga teacher. It's kind of a long story and it's actually really funny looking back on it. So what happened was basically I knew that I wanted to leave the studio because I wasn't growing and I kept feeling this pull to leave and I was so afraid it was like, this is the studio. This is my home studio. This is the studio that gave me yoga teacher training. They gave me this job. They had been my family for many years. But all these things were going wrong and you know, all these different signs are basically like, No, it's time for you. It's time to move forward. It's time to grow like you're stuck in this cage and there's no room, there's no room for me. To grow anymore. But I was so afraid. I was so afraid. Because it was the only thing I knew. And even though there were other yoga studios in the area, I just couldn't. I felt frozen with fear. So anyway, I guess you could say that the owner did me a favor when she fired me because she forced me to leave. So when you asked me how, how do you make these big leaps? Sometimes they're thrust upon you, sometimes they're forced upon you. And in those moments, you can either like, get really upset and you know feel a little bit down and kind of crumble in it. Or you can use it as an opportunity to really expand and grow. And that's what I did. I use it as an opportunity to say all right, well, I got I have literally a clean slate and nothing holding me back. What's next right and just stay really open with that.

Like I said, she kind of did me a favor in the sense that like, I couldn't quit, I was so afraid to leave and so doing this really helped me.

And then what happened was I wanted to work at a studio who said oh, we need our teacher trainers. And I said I don't teach bar but I know someone who does it so I did like this weekend course. And while I was at a studio, learning how to teach barre, the owner of that studio said, Oh, I really like your style of teaching. Do you teach Pilates? And I said, No. And then she said, Do you want to teach Pilates and in my head I thought I don't really like Pilates and I also don't have a job. So I was like Sure. So I said yes to teaching Pilates and to make this long story a little bit faster. I basically fell in love with Pilates learning from this teacher and I loved it so much. And I started to grow in this new way and she gave me new opportunities and I was meeting new people and I was learning more things about this wellness industry. And over time I also felt that the space that I was in was also getting a little too small for me and I wanted to grow again. But this time I wasn't afraid to leave. And that time I saw where I needed to grow and where the limits were in the studio itself. So I you know, I mean years went by and I was starting to learn a little bit more about myself. I was starting to build more confidence in myself and my teaching, knowing that hey, I can teach at multiple studios, hey, I can go off on my own and can do all these things. And so I had a really great conversation with the owner of the studio and I said thank you so much for giving me these opportunities for teaching me Pilates for helping me see that I can jump into things with both feet. And she was really one of those people who were just like, you're going to go in I'm going to teach you Pilates and then you're just going to teach it and I was like what but I don't I've done yoga like since I was a kid and I just started Pilates like how can I be a teacher? And yeah, and so she just was like nope, you're doing it two feet. Here we go. So having mentors like that in my life was really important. And I think what's important to remember too, is that not everyone has a physical mentor in their lives. But if there's someone you really like, whether it's a podcast, host or an author, or someone on Instagram who really inspires you, there's usually free content or very, like low cost content like free course or like small online courses that you can purchase or just consume to really use that person as a mentor and I know I've done that with other people in the past too or I've just listened to like all their podcasts. I read all their books, but there's always going to be mentors and people in your life and I feel like having at least a little bit of that courage and confidence to either reach out to them, send them a DM I really love when people messaged me to say this is the episode I just listened to. I found it so powerful because of this, this, this. I mean part of why people do what they do, especially the women I work with, women like you who are making an impact in the world. Like they want to be seen. They want to be heard, they want to be recognized. And there's always going to be someone like that for you and you're always going to be someone like that for someone else. So just be mindful that people are always people are always watching you and they are going to be inspired by you at one point or another and it's a really powerful and exciting thing. So yeah, so I had this mentor. She was really excited for me when I said I want to do my own thing. I want to go off on my own and not happen in a couple different ways.

The first way as you know was that I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and when I say that people are like, “you did what?!”

So basically, this is a point in my life where the box was getting a little small for me. And what ended up happening was I just loved what I was doing. I love teaching Pilates, but I knew it wasn't sustainable for teach for like three to four week if you're not a Pilates teacher. It might not sound like a lot of classes, but that's a lot of classes. I was also working on an online business that I had at the time I had this really serious relationship with someone who just was not on the same page or certain things and as much as I really cared about this person and I love all my friends here and I love my family and everyone was so supportive. I knew that I wasn't good. I wasn't getting that spark and that excitement for everyday everyday just became repetitive. It was like Groundhog day or every week it was the same, the same the same. And I knew that I needed to be different. I just didn't know what that was. And then this is where it's gonna sound very crazy. Okay, like really crazy. I was meditating one morning and I just had this voice, this feeling this thing came over me I don't even really know what to call it. And I just heard this voice that was like my busy Guess what? So I got up calmly. It was the most bizarre thing. I got up and I went to the computer and I bought a ticket to Guatemala and I will preface by saying that I had heard a lot about Nicaragua. Because I was really interested in learning how to surf. I tried surfing a few times on vacation and I liked it. And Nicaragua was like this cool place that everyone was going to serve. And a few months before I was in this bar with my boyfriend at the time. And then this guy was sitting beside me and they're talking. He was saying that he's a pro surfer. And I was like, oh, like I don't want to be a pro surfer. But I want to surf. And it was around Christmas and I painted. He promised that I was going to be surfing next year at Christmas time and he was like, Yeah, for sure. And then I don't even know who this person is. He probably liked me for being a surfer. But the promise wasn't really to him. It was to myself and I think this is really part of the image of content is starting to build trust with yourself. And starting to do the things you said you were gonna do or you say you're going to do is actually do them. 

So I didn't know what this looked like. I just knew that I wanted to serve a Christmas and when I went home at the time, and one of the during kind of stumbling back and I remember that both of us - I don't know like it's just you have this feeling right you have this feeling that like it's just not this isn't the way it's supposed to be. You know, this isn't this isn't how we're supposed to feel like and and so I looked at him and I said I really want to go surfing next Christmas and you could tell that he didn't want to do the same thing as me didn't light him up like it didn't mean so again once I buy and then I was kind of looking into Nicaragua I saw these other countries around Nicaragua, in Guatemala, and I kind of saw like, some people were writing blogs about how they traveled through Central America. And I was like, oh, everything's really close together. Like maybe we'll start at the top and work my way to Nicaragua. So anyway, I bought the ticket to Guatemala. I didn't really know where it was. before this time, like on a map. I was I couldn't I probably couldn't tell you. I didn't speak any Spanish. like I want to do a lingo. and we tried to learn some Spanish.

And then every day I just told myself that this was me following that gut instinct. This was me. Following that fire and that passion that I had felt these other times. And so looking back on the proof of doing yoga when I was a kid and joining the yoga program as a teenager and then falling back into university and college. It was just like all of these really incredible times where I trusted that instinct brought me to something so incredible and powerful in my life that I knew that I had to follow this. I didn't know why. And that was the scariest part. I'm not going to tell you that it was amazing and easy the whole time because it was terrifying. But I will tell you that once I arrived, I bawled my eyes out the day before I left because I was like, What am I doing? This is the craziest thing ever. I just literally left my relationship, my family and my job to to do what to surf. I don't know how to surf. Are you crazy? I didn't know what I was doing. But I was just like, I have to do this because if I stayed, I knew that I would only be repeating this groundhog day over and over and over again. So I went and I'll tell you right now that the day that I landed in Guatemala, I was so happy. I was walking around Antigua which is a small, beautiful, colorful town in Guatemala, just outside the city. And I was filled with joy. I had tears of joy. Like I was so happy and I knew that I was in the right spot as soon as I got there as scary as it was. And I feel like we're kind of brought up in this world to not really trust our instincts and we're taught to follow a certain line and a certain path and check off certain boxes a lot of the time. Those aren't in alignment with what we truly want and like I said, it's not always easy, but learning to build that trust with yourself and learning to really love yourself is something that it's an ongoing thing for me. And when I say that I don't know why I started or went on this trip. I really meant like I didn't know the reason but it always reminds me of this incredible quote by Steve Jobs and I never get the whole thing right but it's something along the lines of You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. And that trip was exactly that. I was there for seven months through Central America. I ended up going down to Costa Rica, turning around and saying no, I need to go back to Guatemala and love Guatemala. I surfed in Costa Rica on Christmas day. and I read a bunch of surfers and I was like Listen, I have this goal. I gotta do it.

I'm not a pro surfer. I'm not that good at surfing but I tried and actually I learned to scuba dive and I liked that a lot better.

And basically the trip was just like day after day of me getting out of my comfort zone building that trust building that confidence. And because I was bad myself, there was no one else to blame. When I got lost, there was no one else to blame. When I was frustrated. I had to basically build this relationship with myself and say, Listen, you brought yourself to this country, you've got yourself lost you. You've got yourself into this mess like how are you going to get yourself out of it? You don't have a Savior to help you. You don't have a knight in shining armor. You don't have anything else you have yourself and that's probably the most important gift that you can have. And so over time, without realizing it, I was using the habits that I had, for like the last however many years of like my teacher training with mindfulness and yoga and all these things and meditation and then also personal development that I was into at the time and like building a business is really a huge part of that growth. And then building that gut instinct and that listening to yourself and trust with yourself. When I look back on the trip, those seven months were really a love story as cheesy as it's gonna sound. It was a love story with myself and building that confidence and building that self love throughout these experiences. And saying like, wow, I learned a whole new language. Whoa, I'm an advanced scuba diver like okay, I'm not a pro surfer but I tried and I fell and I cut back on that board so many times.

You know, getting yourself out of mass or climbing a volcano, like all of those things happen in such a short amount of time and I really think that it sped up that journey for me or that love for me. And at the very end of my trip. I actually stumbled upon this incredible yoga teacher training program. and even though I was already a yoga teacher, they had these like subprograms there. and one of them was life coaching and that was something that I was really interested in doing and it was specifically life and health coaching and I was like well this is exactly what I do. like this is what I do with my clients. outside of the studio I have these conversations and we talk about health and wealth and happiness.

And then from there when I came home I started the women's empowerment blog, which you now know as the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I worked for different studios, but I built my health coaching business on the side. And now I really focus on healthy habits because again, it took me this long to understand that it was really my daily habits that brought me to where I am today and it wasn't just health. It was my mindset. It was my financial health so my money habits , my relationship habits has everything and I will share it. I don't like to be put in a box. So I think habits really expand to be on the box and I think they expand to different things and they evolve as you evolve in your habits are going to change just like your core values change. But the thing that you always have that line that connects everything together is always you and I get a little bit goosey. Maybe a little bit crackly in my voice and I say that because it took me a long time to learn how to love myself. And I'm going to say it again and again. It was not easy. But every time it was super worth it. And I'm not that partner that I was with anymore. And I don't have the same friends that I did years ago. And so even though all these amazing people come in and even my mentor I don't have that same mentor anymore. These amazing people come in and out of your lives at the time that they need. To buy the one thing that's always there is you and the daily habits and behaviors that you have. So that is my super long story.

And to bring me to where I am today, which is I own the Pilates studio where I first learned Pilates I bought that studio for my mentor, believe it or not last year and my healthy habits. Coaching is building I'm starting a coaching membership for my clients to have ongoing support. I felt really lit up and excited about it and I'm following that gut instinct again, the gut instinct of divided studio and the gut instinct to start this membership. So I feel like it just went really full circle and that's why I had to tell you that entire story.

[25:00] KS: No and that's I didn't Oh my god. There's so much amazing but yeah, like so many things I had to take a couple of notes so I could stay present and listening after like when you were saying like since you were little with those first kind of intuitive knowing that yes, I want to do yoga. Yes. So you had those full body yeses. And then you had with this mentor we bought a body studio from when she suggested Pilates you were like no I don't yet you went for it. How can you discern between the two like that whole body? Yes. And then that I know that actually even though it was kind of like I don't want to do this but you went for it and then you loved it.

VL: Great question. So I think a lot of the time they come out. They come out with the same feeling. I think the hesitation for me was like the word wasn't Pilates and I was like, Oh, well, I've never really liked bodies. But then there was a part of me that was like, You need a job. It's not forever. Just like just doing it. Just do it. I was also teaching yoga there too. So it was just one of those things where it was mainly a Pilates studio that offered yoga and offered bar and if I'm being like super honest in the yoga and pilates world, if you teach a bunch of different things, you are very attractive to studios because they like that you have all these other options. They like that you can teach a bunch of different styles. And I think it really builds on just your own toolbox as well like being an applied teacher actually made me a better yoga teacher. So even in the home my intention was to open a yoga studio when I was a kid I was like Oh, I'm gonna open a yoga studio and you know we don't always, we don't always think that what we want is not always what the universe wants for us or the billions that the world has for us. And if I'm being totally frank, I don't love Pilates so much. And even though yoga definitely has my heart and there's a huge part of my life that I love for Yoga I haven't taught yoga in such a long time and my actus is with us now. so I'm really grateful that I followed it even though I was like, ah feels a little bit sticky or gonna do it.

[27:30] KS: Yeah, it's interesting because it's just like those full body yeses versus those kind of like I'm scared to do this. It's like you're in Guatemala, things like you also have things like that. We always have our version of scary like for you that was your burden for scary. I know for me when I was married and my son was only one my version of scary showed up. I am so unhappy here and all of a sudden I see I'm repeating toxic patterns, I need to leave the situation and it was very very scary. That was my version of scary and as scary as it was it still felt right.

What could you offer? Like when we're sitting with that from your experience and when working with your clients when you're sitting in that scary, how do you trust that? Even though it's scary. How do you trust that knowing that it's right and like how do people actually move because sometimes it can be paralyzing. I almost actually like to say if it wasn't for the fact that my son was born, I probably wouldn't have moved like I wouldn't have moved for me. I know for him because I wasn't okay with exposing him to repeating you know, the toxic pattern. That's what I refer to them. But if we say we don't have that little catalyst, like I'm doing is how do you do it for yourself? And I think I would probably come back to self love a little bit, but speak to that a little bit. 

[28:55] VL: Yeah, that's an amazing question too. And I feel like when I work with women, especially mothers, they are looking to do something for someone else. It's usually for their kids or for their relationship for their family. And it's so easy to put these little humans in front of us or to put other people that we really love in front of us. But at what point are you making yourself a priority? At what point are you on that list of people to care about our self care, like where's self care on your priority list? And if it's not at the top of your list, then there's definitely some work that needs to be done. There's definitely some action that we need. To take. And I think when it comes to making those scary decisions, it's really about deciding of if you are going to stay where you're going to stay or if you want things to change and if you want to do something you've never done or feel away that you are not currently feeling you need to do something differently. And Okay, so my big thing was buying a one way ticket to Guatemala. That sounds super extreme for most people when I say that people are like, whoa, what and they're like you're still alive.

Yep. So you can practice this in really small ways. It goes back to building that trust with yourself. And that's also a part of self love is trusting yourself because think of it like any relationship when you trust someone you love someone you have really strong communication. So talk to yourself, tell yourself like What do you mean? Do you need to speak to yourself a little bit more timely? Do you need to listen to your own instincts, your own feeling that own urge or your own sacral response at that colo body knowing of like I need to do something different and what does different look like for you? Maybe different just means taking a new route to work or brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of your right hand. Like it can be as simple as changing up your routine. And that's why I think habits are so powerful because we already have these automatic behaviors we like. It gets into most of us but I think 80% of our day is made up of habits that we already have. So that means like you're automated for more than half of your day will say like I've ever been but you're automated for more than half of your day. And if that's the case, then there's very little room for magic to unfold. There's very little room for these new opportunities and these new changes and you are going to be living that Groundhog Day. I was super busy with my schedule at the time and I knew that I was gonna crack because I can't do this all the time. this is not sustainable. I knew that I've been doing this for the last year. and if I keep going like this, it's just going to be best for the next five years. So, think of the little things that you can do to make those adjustments at a two new workout routine, maybe it's a new route for your walk, maybe it's a new recipe. It can be those little things and as you start to push out of that comfort zone, they'll start to take major leaps and you're building that trust at the same time. and that's when your confidence starts to grow. and that's when someone says, oh my goodness, I'm getting a divorce. and I need my best friend to come to Hawaii with me for a week. and you're like, Yep, I'm the best friend. This feels good. I'm going to Hawaii. I feel the urge. I built a poll. Let's do this right and you like you've created that space. you've created space for those opportunities to come in and along the way, you're building that trust with yourself and that love.

[32:35] KS: I love, I love love. I think that self love, like true self love, lends itself to your confidence.

I think when you're fully in self love, you're not abandoning yourself for any reason. You're really standing, staying true to you, and that would elevate your confidence. What is one thing that somebody can do today to say that they don't feel like they love themselves like what is like at the most basic level, one thing that somebody could start doing today to grow that self love.

[33:13] VL: So a really fun, simple thing that I used to do when I was starting this was every time I saw my reflections, whether it was a mirror or when I was walking by my car or a window. If I saw myself as a reflection, I would do a little weight and like kind of like a hey, how are you? How you doing? In the mirror and it's super silly and it's super funny and honestly, if it just cracks a little a little giggle or a little smile for you. That's enough to just like you're flirting with yourself. I know some self love coaches will have you sit in front of the mirror and just keep repeating every single day. I love you. I love you. I love you that mirror work. And in the beginning that feels a little better. So we can kind of change it and just write out your wins for the week. Like, what did you succeed in this week? What was something that you're really proud of yourself for this week? And that could be a journaling exercise that could be something that you just type in your phone notes, and not just make it something that you're really grateful for the week but more about you're proud of yourself that you did. And maybe that was a major bad everyday this week and that was a really big deal for you. So it can be really small or it can be really huge like this for me this week. I'm going to write this down as one of my wins. A goal for myself for 2022 is to be speaking more on other people's podcasts and summits and things like that. So this is like so filling up my cup today and I'm super grateful to be here and it's going to be part of my wins for the week or so. things like that little week in the mirror saying I love you and doing more intense mirror work like that journaling exercise your wins and it's basically building proof and building that relationship with yourself and it's super simple and super tiny and just even writing your calendar with what you, what you're proud of this week.

[35:05] KS: Yeah, I love that. And I love what you were saying earlier and you just said it again. Now with the following the proof.

I absolutely love that. It's just such a powerful thing to remember. I do it with myself too. I have a ton of transitions. Just the last couple of weeks and I literally had to take myself back to like those were the scary things I did that worked out in my favor, or maybe I didn't even know how they were gonna work out but I know that they were such good things and so I like really have to focus on those when we can do FOMO so true. 

VL: Yeah, it's so funny that you said that actually because I just remembered that right before my trip. I did a video diary. It was the most surreal thing to watch. So I have a MacBook and you can do like a movie, Film yourself on it. and I never use this feature especially at the time and so I wrote a video message to myself that was about five or seven minutes long and I saw they didn't like telling you why I decided to buy this ticket to Guatemala, like something took over. I did not know what was going on. I just knew that I had to do it so I, I recorded this

doing something that was super scary and I want you to remember that this was something that you you had to do and you did all the things you had to do for it and I'm like falling in the video and then it's like, you don't know why you're doing it. But as you're watching this as your call like I do know the reason why so it's like this weird thing of like past self talking to future itself. I don't even know what again, like what compelled me to do that this was so long ago now that I can't really remember the details of that. But it's on my old computer and then what happened was like completely, seven months later, I'm not like oh god open My Computer to that video itself. I didn't remember. So a year after the trip, I was doing this coaching program and it was like my first live webinar and I was so nervous. And I went to practice the video and I was like, Oh, just use that function on my computer. And I was like, what video is this? Like I completely forgot and then I opened it up right before I did this webinar and I'm crying now like watching myself crying, telling my future self my past self talking to my future self and it's reminding me of like, before I even did the hard thing. Before you even did the hard thing. It was like Valerie, you freaking did it. You're gonna look back one day and you're gonna say I did that. I went to Central America on a whim because my gut told me to and it was amazing. And I like it was the coolest, weirdest, craziest thing. So if you could do like a video recording of yourself or like a journal entry of yourself and look back on it and be like, Wow, look how far I've come, how much we've grown. That evidence and that proof is going to propel you to make more amazing changes and shifts and just and and what's even cooler in that the people around you are also going to notice it's not just the people around you are going to notice the little kids that you're so concerned about and trying to put first they see that you're not putting yourself first just like they're going to see when you do put yourself first and that gives them permission to put themselves on their list. I mean like It blows my mind sometimes when I think when I hear people say like oh, I need to put my kids before me and it's like you are doing them a disservice.

[38:38] KS: That’s so powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

as far powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

[39:49] VL: Ooof… that’s a really big question.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and following those urges and those instincts. And then what happened actually, in 2019 was after I come back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and and feel like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going in the gym, but then I started having a more deeper intention. And I build habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my birthday for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to to recognize is that for better people, and those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer was my response was, oh, have you think about before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't. I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and follow those urges and those instincts. And then what actually happened, in 2019 was after I came back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and felt like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going to the gym, but then I started having a deeper intention. And I built habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to recognize is that for better people, those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer. My response was, oh, have you thought about it before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So think about the habits you're doing right now. Because if you repeat these habits every day for the next year, and then multiply that by five, this is where you're going to be in five years. And that I think is a huge realization that takes minutes to come to and you don't have to buy the plane ticket to learn to love yourself. You can do it here. You can do it right now and you can do it a little bit every day.

[44:33] KS: Yeah, no. Great, great point. And just like you said, earlier to with, just start with little things like brush your teeth with your left hand or take a different route when you're driving to work or pick up your kids or whatever and just start start really, really tiny and build up over time because I think sometimes we feel like we need to make these huge these huge things like take a trip, leave a relationship, you know, change your job. It doesn't have to be that dramatic. You can start building trust and the little things so I love all of that so great. And I know that you're offering a gift to the audience, can you speak a little bit as well.

VL: So I have two really simple PDFs basically. And I find that they're just nice little starting points for anyone who wants to create a little bit more of a roadmap for their life. So the first one is called dream lifestyle roadmap. And there's also a habit tracker I think one of the things that we don't utilize when we're starting a new behavior or we're trying to create a new habit is the power of tracking it. Because what you're doing is you're physically checking off boxes and that is enjoyment. That is a reward. That is part of the proof and the evidence of all the things that you're doing. so it's completely customizable. you can put in whatever habit you're working on. It also has a couple of different tips for building habits and goal setting and things like that. Because a lot of the times too, especially with the new year, people are goal setting and they see this huge goal, and they're okay like I feel at school.

KS: Awesome. Awesome. And, and just also let everyone know where they can find you so that they can get more of you so that they can work with you. We talked about the podcast where do you like to hang out on social and where's the best place to find great questions.

Dream Lifestyle Road Map + Habit Tracker

www.valerielavignelife.com

IG | @vallavignelife

Kasia Bradford IG | @coachkasiabradford

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kick-Ass Routine

One of my favourite relatable conversations with client and friend Candice. Learn how personal development, positive self-talk, and taking things one step at a time can be transformational in habit formation…

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[00:25] Valerie: thank you for joining us for another client experience episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today we're hearing from a friend and client Candice while working together with Candice and I also learned that she is a rebel, which is one of Gretchen Ruben’s four tendencies.

The Four Tendencies QUIZ

The Four Tendencies BOOK

These tendencies are personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better based on how you respond to outer and inner expectations. This is particularly important with creating habits, rules, routines, etc. As a rebel Candice resists both outer and inner expectations which you might think doesn't make for a very good habit client. Actually. it can can anyone even if you're a rebel, you can still create habits and routines. so we don't actually get to talking about this in our conversation for the podcast. but as I was in editing, I thought oh, but this is such a great point to make, with Candice and she was actually part of the 21 challenge that is wrapping up.

And this topic came up again and the whole point of her being a rebel came up again. So the reason why I wanted to share this here is because like I said, Candace and I've talked about this before and other conversations, and I thought it was really really important for listeners to hear as part of an addition to the gentle approach that Candice and I got into in today's conversation. So knowing your tendency especially if you're a rebel, it really offers a sense of relief to those of us who are like Candice who want to create routines but struggle to stay consistent. And if it's part of your personality and your nature, it's easier to give yourself the grace, the compassion and the patience you need to ease into a new habit. So let's listen to how Candace learned to approach her new routines in her experience. 

Okay, yeah, let's start with where you were, or what were you feeling before working with me on your healthy habits.

[3:01] Candice: Before working with you, I felt pretty rigid and structured in my habits and was kind of an all or nothing.

After working with you, of course, that that's changed a lot and I've become more intuitive about when I need something and when I need to bring in habits when I need to release habits, and it's a little bit more soul centered on what I truly need, rather than what I think I need or what I think it should be. you know, the enemy we're in should.

[3:39] Valerie: Yeah, it's so easy to get caught up in that and like, we have to do all the things and it has to be perfect. And yeah, I definitely know you mean like the all or nothing. You're either in or you're out you're out. But I think that what people really forget especially when starting a new habit is that you don't actually have to do all of the things at once. So tell us what habit we create together?

[4:04] Candice: We started to - oh shoot we've worked on so many habits.

The first one I think we worked on was morning routines, which then of course led into evening routines as well and which was perfect because it When we got into the root of it.

The evening routines were the thing that was struggling the most and was really like the true thing that needed to be addressed. It wasn't actually like the mornings like my mornings are actually crazy.

Yeah, that was the first thing that we kind of tackled together.

[4:40] Valerie: It’s funny because you're not the first person who has come to me and said Val, I want to work on this specific habit. Let's call it a habit and after listening to them and having the conversation and understanding okay, this is where our starting point is. Actually habit A is totally fine. It's habit b. That's not okay. Or, you know, habit zero or habit however you want to name it. And I think that's what's so cool about being able to talk about something that people think, Oh, it's just habits. It's just so basic and so easy to do. Actually, there's so much more to it and being able to work together and workshops or work together one on one you can really start to see what the focus is and yeah, I love how you were like yeah, morning routines and we're like Wait a second… The evening routines are aware of that. So take us a little bit more into how you made the habit work for you. Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing?

[5:59] Candice: Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing some of the things that I started implementing, so we already kind of talked about it had kind of an all or none person. We had to really rein that in whenever I did, when we started to switch up the evening routines. And so I feel like in my gut and when I wanted to do it initially when I was all ready to go, I was just like, Okay, I'm going to start my evening routine today and it's going to be great. I'm going to go to bed way earlier. I'm going to have some journaling time. I'm going to do all of these things starting today and you were like, Let's rather than and that was actually really perfect because then we started out slowly with theory to set an alarm on your phone to like start winding down and then slowly integrate like journaling and integrating a meditation or putting essential oils on the floor and that that really helped ease into it a lot more starting with the phone alarm was key because then I like was able to wrap my head around it that okay, this is the time to settle down. Oh, now it's time for journaling. So it acted as a trigger to get me rolling in the bedtime direction. That was kind of the first bit.

[7:01] Valerie:  I love that. I love that we started with just the prompt of saying okay are the triggers. This is what's happening. This is where our starting point is. And then you didn't forget about the whole evening routine that you wanted to create. We just slowly started adding to it and making it more digestible. Are those bite sized habits to make up one full routine? And I think this is one of the things that people struggle with as they see someone with this incredible evening routine or our morning routine. And they're like I need that I needed to our bath journal, Oracle Card essential oil meditation and then I'm going to sleep like a baby but you're like, oh wait, I only have 35 minutes or I only have two minutes before I actually have to get to bed like there's just no way or I'm so exhausted and all these things come up and building that and what I like to call it or refer to it as habit stacking can be really successful in creating and implementing a bigger routine or bigger kind of ritual and with multiple habits and so we broke it down. That's how we made it work for you. And then when it comes to the results, What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?

[8:20] Candice: Initially, once we started to implement everything, one of the big big big hurdles that we kind of came to was if something were to come up and the nighttime ritual didn't go smoothly, or for some reason something came up and I only had 15 minutes when I normally you know have 45 or whatever it was was being okay with the ritual or the routine not going quite right. that habit was offered at night and that's it wasn't it wasn't ruined, you know, like you, you initially might have that feeling of just enjoying it.

So reworking my brain around Well, I still did something tonight I still gotten bed at the right time or I still made time to journal.

A couple this happens, life happens and being okay with that was a big hurdle that we had to overcome, I think was the biggest and most transformative issue that we really overcame, because it's kind of leaked into other aspects of life. I think that's the biggest like, like the outcome that I'm most excited about the most. Yeah, that was like the best part that came out of the routine.

[9:48] Valerie: Oh, that's so great. I don't think that you've ever shared that with me. I love it. Yeah. And it leads me to another question, which is for people who are listening and who are struggling with that consistency and kind of, you know, kicking ourselves because we didn't do the whole routine or the whole day ritual. What would you say is like a key, either phrase or sentence or just like the thing that you had to remind yourself that someone else could also use in their journey.

[10:25] Candice: The initial phrase that pops into my head is Be gentle with yourself. And the second thing that always comes up whenever I have these negative self-talk spirals that don't lie is just I would never say that to a friend. Why am I saying it to myself? 

​​And I think that's one thing that we often fall into whenever we don't do something quite the way we expected. 

And so, I think that just being gentle, and understanding that different seasons call for different things, is key and so the phrase that I would say would be I'm being gentle with myself in this season.

[11:15] Valerie: Yep I’m nodding along like yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And I love that you also said season, because this is something that I feel like we often forget about habits is that they do change and they do evolve.

And perhaps what our evening routine was before is going to evolve into something new now, and just thank you so much for sharing this today. I feel like this is going to be really helpful for everyone listening and just really taking it chunk by chunk day by day or night by night, I guess because we're talking about eating routines a little bit more simplifying and building on the habits once we started incorporating each of them and when it feels right for us. I think something that you mentioned earlier was about your intuition and kind of following that, and I know that I can make suggestions on the podcast or in workshops or on Instagram. 

[12:46] Candice: but when we're really working together is when we can really figure out what works best for you. And that's where that kind of customization comes along. For some people it takes a week of having the timer and then we implement the next habit for another week and another week and then for some people it takes only a couple days for us to get into it or even more than seven days. So yeah, I love all of the things that you shared. I feel like it would be so helpful to a lot of people listening. So thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your experience with us. Thank you so much for having me. I think that your input on everything was so invaluable. The whole time to like sometimes you're just too deep in the forest to see I forget the exact phrase…

Valerie: You can’t see the forest through the trees? I’ll have to look that up!

Candice: Because there were a couple of times when I was like I'm struggling with this and I'm too deepened to focus on whatever, they couldn't see it. So having your input and being able to take a step back. We will wait what about this and just have your bird's eye view a little bit better and have your expertise come in and kind of point out things to help guide me along and it wasn't a few this is your next step. It was like Well, what about this so I have the I felt really empowered to make the next steps and everything with your gentle guidance. So thank you.

[13:47] Valerie: You're so very welcome! Thank you so much!

As I relistened to this episode, I was reminded of so many amazing things that Candice shared, and I really want to highlight a few of them because they are so important and so relatable. I know that myself and the clients that I worked with have felt this way and that's I wanted to highlight a few of the things that she said so one of the things was giving yourself grace, sometimes what we thought we wanted to work on wasn't actually the thing that we needed, so we have to readjust and we have to tweak and you know we have to make those mistakes and we have to hit those roadblocks so that we can understand we fully what really supports us. 

And then the other thing she said was Be gentle with yourself. You wouldn't say it to a friend. Why are you saying it to yourself? Why the heck are we still speaking poorly about ourselves or to ourselves? There is no room for negative self-talk and this starts to make me feel really fired up because it is one of the most cutting and useless things that we do as women as humans as just people like why do we keep talking poorly about ourselves, we need to stop this mass. And that I thought was a really important reminder that I wanted to reiterate.

The other thing is that and again, this is something that Candice didn’t necessarily share in the conversation today but just like she is a rebel she also dives into a lot of personal development and understanding herself more and I wanted to share this because I thought it was a really important when you start to learn more about ourselves, and then we start to build those habits, those routines, those rituals, it actually becomes easier to implement these things because we have already identified or we already are connected to ourselves and our strengths and our weaknesses. And when we know these things early, it helps us prepare us for potential obstacles or hurdles. That we could come up against when we're in action. And the more you start to know about yourself either that's through the quiz that I shared today about the four tendencies, whether that's through astrology or human design or your Enneagram or your strengths finder, whatever it is that helps you learn more about you. You will start to notice that your success is not defined by someone else. It's only defined by you and your goals are going to be your goals and not someone else's. And then the feeling word that you want to connect to and the habits that you're creating. These will all start to make more sense and you'll be able to come into alignment with the things that really light you up and what the things that really bring you joy because they're for you and the person that you are here to be not the person that someone else thinks you should be. 

I feel like when Candace talks about wanting to do it as an all or nothing, I don't necessarily believe that that is her personality to do things, all or nothing. I think that this has the potential of being a huge impact on what society has kind of told us to do. In this culture and in this type of climate we're getting things done now. And I feel like that's something that's really influenced Candace and her momentum and her movement and her actions. 

So if you're feeling similar, I would love to chat more about this with you. I'd love to know what habits you're working on, what hurdles you're coming up against, or even just share how you like to get to know yourself. What are some of the practices you're into or what do you love to learn more about because I'm all about personal development, as you know.

And I know that Candice would love to hear your feedback to screenshot this episode, tag me on Instagram @vallavignelife, let us know that you're listening and share some of the insights and maybe some of the takeaways that you've learned from today or other episodes of the podcast. Thank you again for listening. 

It is so important to hear other people's stories and experiences and I'm really glad that you and I have connected here together on this show. So I look forward to doing this again next week with a very special guest and I'm going to leave it as a surprise because you know how I love surprises.

Okay, have a great week, and we'll see you next time!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude

Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to share a conversation from a lovely friend who has been impacted by the work that we've done together in creating one simple habit.

Rubani was searching for something more, something better in her life that would help her move from the space of negativity, pain and inaction, something that would break this pattern and bring success to her life.…

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[00:30] Valerie: I've asked Rubani to share her story and experience with her healthy habits as a way to encourage the listener to consider how you could also shift one thing in your own daily life to elevate your energy. 

So I have to ask, what were you feeling or where were you at in your life, let's say, before working together.

[1:23] Rubani: Plainly put, I think I was in a place that you could describe as lost. I felt like I felt like I was, you know, I want to say I ran out of options, but I felt like I didn't even know what my options were because I just felt very stuck in the mindset that I was in and I was just so scared of trying anything because everything. Everything felt like it was, you know, giving me nothing.

It almost felt like everything I was trying was failing for me. so I kind of got into this mindset of Oh, why try if it's if it's not going to turn out, you know, you want to be hopeful but at the same time if that's sort of what the pattern

That being created in your life has been showing you it's, you really do get discouraged but you so it was a very hard mindspace to be in because you feel very down in the dumps, if you will, because if you really just you lose hope you have no almost no faith. It's no matter how much someone tells you, you know, it's going to get better or you know, all the pleasantries if you will, you just you just, you just don't know how to find that. That hope and find that light but yeah. 

[2:52] Valerie: What was one of the things that you tried that didn't work?

Rubani: What was one of the things I tried that didn't work?

Honestly, simply thinking more positively. I think even just something as simple as that and feel fruitful at the time. And you know, it really just ended up being down the line, you know, a constant effort in changing your mindset and in trying to be as hopeful as possible, but it was it was like I was letting every, every little thing that went wrong. or interpreting the things that went wrong as just a total like, you know, total failure like an example of just, you know, no, no hope available anywhere was just very, very difficult so yeah I don't know if that answers the question.

Valerie: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like there's a lot of suggestions to be more positive and to keep moving forward and try something. And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: Yeah. I appreciate you. You know, sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening would also walk can also relate. I know that I've felt that way before and I also am very happy to say that you trusted me. You trusted me and tried something new and offered a creative solution. So let us know what habit we work on together? What do we create together?

[4:29]  Rubani: So this is where it was so wild to me because I and I've told you this before, but you know, I will never forget that day when we were sort of just chatting about, you know, what was happening in my life and my, I don't want to call it an inability to make myself sound weak. But you know, I really did feel like I was unable to, to think anything other than, you know, oh, I'm destined for like a downfall in my mentality and my growth and all that stuff. And it's just so funny how you know, you hear people say bring it back to the basics, make it simple, keep it simple, etc, etc. And hearing you that day sitting across from me just saying, You know what, just think of one good thing that happened today. You don't even have to make it sound big by making it like a laundry list of things. Or having it be three things or two things. One simple thing. One good thing that happened there. Remember just sitting there and thinking about it and being like oh, wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. I didn't wake up with the pain that disables me from continuing with my day.

And I know how bad it has been in the past and I still live with back pain. I got chronic back pain, but the point is that day you know, it just allowed me to not worry about this one thing that sort of, I found took a little bit of control of my my mental health and all that but it was just understanding in that moment that you know, there's one thing there's one thing that happened that was good was enough to you know, to understand that you know you are you are able to have good in your life.

You just have to really, sometimes you do have to look for it. But sometimes it's already there. And you just have to sort of do a little bit of scraping and be like, oh, yeah, it was sitting right beside me. Cool. Okay.

[6:33] Valerie: Yeah, I think what's so wild as you said, about this is that you know, all the things that weren't working for you or the positivity like shift to a positive mindset change into this positive way of thinking and it's not that simple and yet it is at the same time. It's, it's reworking it for you because really what we were doing simplified is we were creating a gratitude practice for you, a daily gratitude practice. And my question for you is, what, what made it work for you or what did we do or you do to really make that work for you? So can you take us through like, what that looked like? Yes, I asked you that one day, but moving forward from there, what happened the next day when I wasn't sitting across from you?

[7:17] Rubani: Well, I think at that moment, I realized how, you know, simple it was to just sit and reflect. It's not first of all, it's not easy, but in that moment, I think something just clicked for me and I realized how easy it was to just sit and reflect and understand. You know, something as small seemingly small to someone else and maybe even to me sometimes, as as you know, your back not hurting versus, hey, I applied for five jobs today or I you know, climbed Everest like, No, something as small as that can count as progress can't count as success. So I think in that moment, when I realized that you can just, you know, it's that simple to to reflect and be grateful for something it was like, Oh, this can work. There's so much around me that I can be grateful for, you know, at that point, it was like, okay, the gates opened, you know, you can't stop. So, I think upon your suggestion, you know, I started writing, writing it down, and I've always been a fan of, you know, tangible ways of making ourselves, you know, really retain information and learning. And it's funny, because I've done that in the past I found hadn't worked for me, but again, I think it was just understanding and realizing in that moment how simple it was.

Made me want to do it even more, but it was just because I think and it's not because it was simple. It was because it was simple. And I realized how it could work for me was what made me want to pursue it more. And it you know, the thing is, it's very it I don't know if it's individualistic, but I think it's just I think at the end of the day, it's understanding what works for you, but I just was able to sit down and be like, Okay, I at the end of the day will write down if not just one thing to, if not okay, if not five things. Let's write down one thing or two things that were good, but then it grew from there. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to have warm socks. I'm really glad I had a rain jacket today. silly things like that. But it just allowed me to have honestly more pep in my step and I remember like, reflecting three months, four months, five months, six months, whatever, you know, after being in that initial space and just genuinely being shocked at the amount of progress I made. It's like it happened. I was very intentional with it at the beginning of course, but it's like then it's sort of working on a subconscious level. And it really took me by surprise when I when I was again reflecting and understanding what the change I had made. It was truly like a three like a 360 change in peace.

[10:00] Valerie: Don't tell us too much about it, because that's gonna be my next question for you. But I did want to touch on one of the things that you said kind of throughout the conversation that has really been about how before you were really looking outside of your environment and your situation and looking for change and looking for something that you know wasn't there like you had to create something to make things better. And what we did was, yes, it does fall under the umbrella, the umbrella of positivity and positive thinking, but instead of looking outside or changing something and having to make something happen, what you did instead was you looked at what you already have exactly what was good about what your day gave you or what are you experienced in this time or in this moment. And it was cool to watch you because I remember sitting there across from you and I remember thinking like oh my goodness, like there's just a cloud over your head with a gray cloud and it felt heavy. That's the best way I could describe it. And as soon as you took a moment it took like, I mean, this is like split seconds that happened in what's one thing what's one good thing that happened today, not like what are you grateful for? Right because I write down your gratitude journal. I say it all the time. But yeah, you're in a way that works for us. Right. So what's one good thing that happened to you today? And I could see it was cheesy as it sounds. It was like the clouds parted.

And the sun was shining through you're like oh my god, like but it was like a light bulb instead of the sunshine, you know? Yeah. Wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. And it was this literal, energetic shift. And if people could see right now how I'm I'm kind of like hunched over feeling kind of heavy in their shoulders and then all of a sudden, it was like you grew taller, and you're just and you're like, wait a second, and all of a sudden, that positivity that everybody was talking to you about it. It really puts you into a new perspective. And that's what was so powerful about that moment, and then even more powerful about the work that you did on your own. Which leads me to my final question for you, which is, what results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit? So you were telling us about three months down the road? 

[12:33] Rubani: Honestly, I think one of the biggest things and I think I always had this in my mind, you know before because I never really felt like I fit a mold and I don't think anyone really does and I don't think anyone should be into either, but for me, I think it just allowed me to redefine what I looked at as success and progress. And moving away from you know, the generalized, standardized ways that we have been conditioned to, you know, accept ourselves as successful and in showing progress and I think in in redefining the things that I looked at, as you know, as making me grateful and having me feeling thankful it was I think it was it was just coming to I think it gave me peace in many ways because and I kind of wanted to add this before but you know, sometimes it's even in things not working out the way that you want is exactly what you need to have happen for your progress. And that can be looked at as success that can be looked at as progress. I mean, you know, someone from the outside can look in, and sometimes even yourself can be like, Oh, but it should have worked out this way for me to be successful. But, that's not true. But sometimes, sometimes it's not working out of something that brings you peace. I think the biggest thing that you know this taught me is just redefining and reconditioning. I think my way of accepting how I looked at myself as successful and progressing in life. And, you know, today for example, I did a little bit of cleaning in one area of my room and we won't get into this too much, but it's been put off for a long time. But the second I did that I felt I felt so much better. I felt successful to a certain degree. I woke up an hour before this morning. In the last, let's say two to three weeks. To meet that was successful, you know, little things here and there. And that's really what it's all about. Because I think we've been and I think it's completely fair to do is to to look at the bigger picture and look at Hey, you know, now I'm making XYZ amount of dollars versus this that I was five years ago that successful or you know you have a house you have this typical as much as I hate to say it but typical things that you know, we've been told to look at to be like a if you have this you're successful, you don't have this you're not and having that people will still ask you those questions today to to you know, sort of check off in their minds if they find you that way. That way being successful or not, but that doesn't matter. How do you see yourself and I think the biggest thing it's taught me also is how to rely on myself to understand I'm the only one who can give myself this self worth. I'm the only one who can, you know, allow myself to see the world the way that I want to. I'm the one who can make that change.

And that change doesn't have to be grand. It can be small and then it grows from there. And it can take time. It doesn't have to be done in, you know, five minutes. It can take a week but you still get there and it's coming. It's also about letting go a little bit.

So yeah, it's honestly incredible sometimes I'm just in disbelief that you know this mindset even has taken a new home in my head but it has and it's great.

And you know what not every day is perfect like you know life life happens and challenges are thrown at you and you know sometimes you are you wonder sometimes you wonder like if you'll ever be back at the same place you were and sometimes you might not be and sometimes you will but I think I think the work that's been done has been done a for a reason, but it's always going to be with you and you know when I find myself in those moments of you know what, maybe I'm not as stressed and I'm not feeling as great about myself or I am feeling better sorry about myself. I just can feel that openness to let in the joy and let the gratefulness and thankfulness into my life. it is just there. and it's there for a reason because the work was put in the work.

[17:12] Valerie: And I think to like when you say putting the work in what people might be hearing I mean, the actor is so incredible, like you've learned so many things about yourself and what brings you joy and satisfaction in your life. Yes, the work that you put in was such a small habit, such a minor thing that could take one out a day. It was a fact that you stayed consistent with it. I think what's so powerful about this particular habit is that when you are recognizing and measuring the things that make you happy, that bring you joy, that bring you satisfaction, that light up your life that you're grateful for without even knowing it. So subconsciously, you're elevating your own energy and you're calling more things to satisfy you, more things to be attracted to and then you start to discover, you get to define success. you get to redefine success, not how other people see it, but how you see it, how you want to be remembered, recognize things that matter to you. And I think that in itself is so powerful, so there were so many different things that came from this. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us today. I really appreciate it.

Rubani: Of course! Thank you for having me.

[18:29] Valerie: Well, there you have it. I'm so excited to share this story with you because I feel like a lot of us have felt this flow before, a lot of us have felt this lost feeling and not really sure what to do and that kind of toxic positivity or even just genuine positivity just doesn't feel like enough. And sometimes the answer is simple. It's just not the right fit for us. So how can we customize the things that are meaningful? How can we find meaning in what we already have?

I know I talk about gratitude practices all the time. And if you heard from a previous client and guest, Jennifer

Episode #159 This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

But same thing with Jenny Jenny had her own customized gratitude practice. They think this is something that's so powerful and so underutilized. And trust me when I say when I first heard about gratitude practices, I roll my eyes, but I tried it. I said you know what? It's like the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. You have to try it out. You have to know if it's right for you and how you can make it yours. For me. A gratitude practice was only going to work if it was a dot jot. format on my notes app on my phone. For Rubani it was one small thing, one thing a day. And for Jennifer we had three separate kinds of customized questions to answer that we're all coming back to gratitude. So tap into what you need and what resonates with you as you listen to the show today. Maybe just take a moment to close your eyes and breathe into what gratitude feels like for you. It could be a person, a place, a thing, a moment, an experience , a memory.

Or it could just be that you're grateful for being in this place and for us being connected because I know that I share it and thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.

Let me know that you're listening to the show by taking a screenshot of today's episode and posting it on social media where you can take me on Instagram @vallavignelife I'd love to see what you're up to and what you're grateful for. And I hope to connect with you very soon.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E163: Habits VS Rituals

What is the difference between habits and rituals? Do all our habits have to be rituals? How can we stay consistent with our commitments? This podcast episodes answers these questions and more…

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Hi there and welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am buzzing with excitement because we have just started our first ever Elevate Your Life 21 day commitment to healthier habits aka the 21 day healthy habit challenge and over 70 of you have joined in for the next 3 weeks! WOW! 

If you’re listening to this episode and you are also in the challenge I want to say THANK YOU so much for being a part of this, it is so meaningful to me that you’re here.

And if you’re listening to this episode I am so grateful for YOU and that you are here with me during this show. If you weren’t able to be part of the challenge, I am collecting feedback to learn if people are interested in joining the next round. If you are, you can send me a note on instagram @vallavignelife and I will set something up for the second quarter!

[1:28] Now, onto our episode. Today’s topic was inspired by a mastermind I was invited to speak at and I talked about Habits versus Rituals. These two things are sometimes said interchangeably, and although they are similar, they do have a key difference. Habits are an action that is done repeatedly. Rituals are done repeatedly with a purpose that is outside the action itself.

Here are some examples:

A habit of stirring your morning coffee; The ritual is stirring the intention for the day into your coffee

The habit of taking a shower; The ritual of washing off the day in the shower

A habit to get dressed; The ritual of putting on clothes that elevate your energy and self worth

The habit of your daily skin care routine; The ritual of saying self-love affirmations when you look at yourself in the mirror

If you were to see yourself stirring your coffee, taking a shower, getting dressed, or performing your skincare routine, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the habit and the ritual, because the actions are the same, but the meaning or purpose behind the action is what separates habits and rituals. 

[2:57] During the mastermind there were a few questions that popped up. The first one was, does every habit we do have to be a ritual?

And the short answer is no. Whether we realize it or not, every single one of us has heaps of habits that we do each day. If each of those habits were rituals, then we would probably be living very mindfully, similar to Buddhist monks. And although this is an incredibly powerful lifestyle and practice, it isn’t always realistic to have every single one of our habits be a ritual. 

[3:33] Now that being said, if you can think about some of your daily habits, which ones are already a ritual, or which ones could you make a little more meaningful or bring more purpose to?

I think the most common and helpful examples of these types of habits tend to be in our morning or evening routines. Because the morning is an opportunity to decide how we want to spend our day, or how we want to feel and show up for the day. And our evening routine is our time to close the day, wind down for the night and prepare for a quality sleep. The morning and evening routines are what I like to call the bookends of our day. They may be separate, but they actually support each other as well as our events and our experiences. 

Take a moment to consider your morning and evening routines and habits. How can you incorporate purpose into these current routines?

Perhaps you have a habit of stretching for 10 minutes in the morning, the ritual could be to create connection with your physical, mental, and emotional self as you are stretching. 

Maybe you diffuse sleepy time oils in the evening. A ritual could be that when you start the diffuser you take a moment of mindfulness to allow any negative events of the day to calmly diffuse from your own body. Or any busy thoughts to release so you can have a more restful sleep. 

I’d love for you to come up with your own practices and share them with me! Send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and share your habits turned rituals with me there.

[6:00] Don’t worry if you are having a hard time coming up with purpose or meaning for your habits. This was another question that came up in the mastermind: how do we make a habit a ritual?

The simplest way to do this is by choosing a feeling word. I guess I should say, it’s really the best place to start. How do you want to feel? Here are some of the responses of our challenge members:

Empowered, authentically happy, free, tranquil, peaceful and at ease, healthy and energized, resilient, invigorated, alive, refreshed, young, fit, calm, healthy, present, centred, focused, strong, productive, optimized, grounded, connected, and motivated.

The next step would be to think about different actions, behaviours, moments, or experiences where you already felt connected to your feeling word?

I have felt empowered when I put on clothes that make me feel good, I feel happy when I spend time with people I love, I feel peaceful and at ease when I am in nature, I feel young when I dance like no one is watching, I feel present when I practice breathwork, etc.

Now I am giving all these examples, but I’m not saying do them all at once or start all these new habits and rituals! No, no no!

Choose one or two feeling words and go from there! Once you have your feeling word and your action, you can decide where this new ritual would best fit in.

Maybe you already play music while you make dinner and you want to feel young. So you make a sweet playlist of all your favourite songs from back in the day and while you’re making dinner you listen to this music and dance like no one is watching! 

As another example, if you want to connect more to happiness and spend more time with people you love, you could carve out time or schedule time in your calendar to have family members over, or create family time in your home and during that time you are present with the people around you. Maybe you ask them what brings them happiness or joy or their own word and incorporate the things that they like too! Perhaps it’s a family game night or movie night or everyone doing their own thing in one space together. 

[8:27] So now you understand the difference between habits and rituals, have your feeling word, your new ritual, and you might be wondering how do I stay consistent with this new commitment? 

Great question. I will start with the short answer: effective practice. The idea for our new habit starts in the front of our brain also known as the prefrontal cortex. This is only the idea, decision, and planning of our new ritual, however it has not become habitual yet. It is not automated. 

Our voluntary motor movements, and routine behaviours are associated with a deeper part of our brain called the basal ganglia. This is the area of the brain where our automatic habits come from. 

So right now, we are creating a new ritual and this podcast episode is activating your prefrontal cortex, however the habit of how you sit in your car, put on your seatbelt, and start this podcast to listen on a drive are habits that you have repeated effectively again and again over time and now are automatic. I would actually bet that you get in your car the exact same way every time or in the same habitual pattern every time. 

You might be driving and listening to this podcast episode and you probably weren’t even consciously aware of how you got into your car or whether your seatbelt went on first or you started your car first, because you didn’t have to think about it, you just did it!

This makes forming rituals more mindful and purposeful, and in turn your daily activities and habits are more conscious and can improve/elevate your life. In the book Atomic Habits, the author James Clear talks about how if you were to improve your life with a small habit every day by 1%, after 365 days - or one year - you would have been able to improve yourself by 365%. That is of course if you effectively repeat the habit every day for one year. 

[12:40] This long answer so far explains what it takes to create a new ritual or habit and why it’s so important but HOW? How do we stay consistent?? And it’s really about taking action again and again!

A lot of people think that habit forming is all about our minds and our mindset, and yes that is a huge and important part of it. However since the habit is so deeply rooted into our brain, it is our physical body that is actually performing the habit, even when our mind knows otherwise. 

My favourite example of this mind-habit vs body-habit is when you leave a room and turn off the light automatically, but someone is in the room and needs the light on.

You KNOW, your brain KNOWS, and your body knows that someone is in the room - you were just interacting with them! But your body turns the light off as you exit anyway. And what do people usually say when this happens? “Oh sorry! Force of habit!”

Your physical body does all the things it needs to do for the whole day automatically. You could be - and there are many people who are - on autopilot day in and day out. When you start to have these incredible ideas of shifting your habits and swapping bad behaviours with empowering rituals, your brain is all excited and your physical body might be in the moment, but when the time comes to actually make the move your physical body starts to reject this.

And here’s what happens... Let’s say your new commitment is to turn off Netflix after 1 episode and go upstairs to bed to read a chapter of your book. Your idea lights you up and you are excited and eager to complete this habit.

Fast forward to you on the couch and you just finished an episode, and your brain says “okay time to read!” Your physical body does not recognize this information from your brain and then sends signals to your brain to say “quick tell her all the reasons why we shouldn’t go upstairs, and that we should just watch one more episode on the couch.” Your BODY is doing this, but of course we can’t hear our body so instead we hear our brain and all of the sudden our brain is like some toddler throwing a tantrum of why we shouldn’t be leaving the couch. 

And then you’re telling yourself “okay just one more episode!” Mind quiet, body happy - for now. And then… four episodes later your brain is like” whoa whoa whoa, what in the?? How did we not read a single page?” and thennnn the guilt and shame and everything else piles on and we start this vicious cycle of noise that ultimately isn’t helping us move forward in the direction of our new goals. 

Trust me, I’m getting to the how part! The best way to stay consistent is to stay in action. Using our example:

Episode finishes. Action one: turn off the TV. Body/mind might be upset. Everything will be okay. Small action. Leave no more time, action two: stand up. Action three: walk upstairs. Action four: get the book. Action five open book, and I think you get the point. 

[17:02] Mel Robbins describes this really well when she talks about her countdownt 5-4-3-2-1. With her story she gives herself this countdown to stop the brain from communicating to you that this new behaviour is going to happen, and after one its lift off and you are physically taking action. 

Over time, and with this practice you and your body will start to sync up with these new habits. The more you can repeat this, the quicker the habit will form. It does take some time. It does take small actions, it does take repetition. How many days? Well that depends. Everyone is different and it will depend on how frequently and how consistent you will be throughout the time. 

I was joking with my friend who is a dental hygienist and I said it took me a few weeks to start the daily flossing habit, but it really took me 30 years! LOL When it came to me flossing it was a simple mindset shift that put me in action, and then I was able to consistently take that action and have made flossing a habit. HOWEVER I tried so many times and with so many different techniques to start flossing. And with my other habits a lot of these techniques had been successful, but not for my flossing apparently. So anyway. All that being said, I encourage you to give yourself grace. 

Be mindful when working at forming a new habit, try different things, experiment with what has worked in the past and be the observer of your thoughts and connect with yourself to understand you better and how the habit will form. 

If you are looking for more accountability and connection, I would love to invite you into my Make a Habit Mentorship Program. It is a 1:1 coaching program that runs for 4 weeks with options to continue forward. We connect with weekly calls and focus on your specific habit, needs, and obstacles that arise. If you are looking to work with me and build better habits to improve your life and make a bigger impact, you can learn more and sign up at www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship 

Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode, we have some really wonderful guests joining us this month and next month including some past clients and mindset coaches. I’m really looking forward to introducing them. 

For now, I wish you much success with your new habits and rituals! The purpose and intention behind your rituals are going to be huge for taking action. Remind yourself of them when you’re feeling stuck or avoiding the new ritual. 

Okay beautiful human. That’s all for today, slide into the DMs @vallavignelife with you new habits and rituals or screenshot this episode and tag me so I know which episodes you’re listening to and can cheer on your new goals!

See you next week!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E162: Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022 [PART TWO]

Create new lifestyle patterns, behaviours, and habits with these four simple phases you can start putting into practice to make this year GREAT!

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[00:38] Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, we are diving right into this new year with today’s episode all about creating new lifestyle patterns for 2022 or any year for that matter. 

If you are new to the show, welcome, I’m Valerie, your Healthy Habit Mentor and I am thrilled for this new year. 

Last week on the podcast I shared the first part of this two-part series. It was all about letting go of old patterns. Technically you don’t have to listen to that episode to tune into this one, although it is very helpful to make space for new patterns if we clear out some old ones. Episode 161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

In the previous episode I shared a list of behaviours, habits, and patterns that I was letting go of to create space for the new lifestyle patterns I am bringing in for 2022. When I talk about lifestyle patterns, what I’m speaking about is anything from habits, to mindset, to routines, to emotional responses, and anything and everything in between! 

With that being said, I do recommend starting small, but we will get into that shortly. We have to remember that a lifestyle pattern is something that is repeated again and again. Therefore we want to make sure we create a new behaviour/routine/practice that we can easily duplicate so that it becomes habitual. 

And if you’ve ever worked with me before, or if you’ve been following along with the podcast and/or instagram then you will know, we always start with our intention.

This brings us to the first phase in creating new lifestyle patterns.

[02:27] Phase One: Initiation

Decide what the new behaviour/habit will be, AND why this is important to you. The reason why will become the value or driving force and motivation for your actions. Your intention could be how you want to feel, or a bigger goal the habit supports.

Examples:

Drinking your daily greens mix because you want to feel healthier and happier 

You want to build a consistent workout routine because you want to feel more energized in your body and eliminate back pain

Weekly CEO dates with yourself because you want to impact more people through your business

Knowing WHY you are doing something is the heart and soul of the new pattern you are creating. Remember that habits are not habits yet, they are first new behaviours and the brain performs new behaviours differently than it does with habits. We need repetition and time to make a behaviour automatic. Because new patterns form in the prefrontal cortex, the brain is more aware of these and the motivation for making this new habit will be part of this awareness that motivates us.

Speaking of motivation, this helps us with phase two of creating our new lifestyle patterns

[4:33] Phase Two: Trigger or Cue

Forming a new habit requires a trigger that sets the habit in motion. The trigger or cue follows the formula, when this happens, then that follows. “This” is the action or behaviour already part of our routines aka the cue, and “that” is the new behaviour we are creating.

You can use current automatic behaviours as triggers for your new habit. Let’s use our examples:

When I go to the kitchen to brew my morning coffee, then I mix my daily greens

When I finish work on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:30pm, then I go to the gym on the way home

When I see the CEO day in my calendar, then I focus on this intention for the time blocked in my schedule 

Some of our new patterns will be daily and others only a few times a week, so it helps to be as specific as possible. The triggers can be even more specific such as putting on workout clothes, or sitting at my desk on fridays. 

Here are some other helpful tips to create your new habit in this phase:

Get specific: Schedule two specific times during the week you will go to the gym, and schedule it at the same time every week.

Plan ahead: have your greens powder on the counter, so that it’s the first thing you in the mornings

Set reminders or alerts: Create an event in your calendar for your CEO days. Perhaps it’s once a month, or maybe once a week. Edit the event in your electronic calendar to remind you about the event in advance. You can adjust it and add multiple reminders. 

As an extra note: I find with events like this one, it also helps to get specific with which tasks you will be doing during this blocked time. For example, when I am doing my podcast producing, I add this into my calendar as “Podcasting” and in the notes section write out which episodes I’m working on, am I recording, or am I writing out the show notes? Am I designing the cover art, editing? Having this ready for me when I get to that time really helps with my productivity. 

The third phase of creating our new lifestyle pattern is 

[7:54] Phase Three: Routine

In last week’s episode I shared three little rituals for letting go, and I mentioned that these were great little ceremonies to jumpstart our initiation phase. However, they were not going to actually change our behaviours right then and there, we actually have to perform the new pattern and then repeat it over time for it to become our new habit.

This is what phase three is all about, actually doing the work. Sometimes when I hear myself say “do the work” I notice that that isn’t always a positive phrase or word. Not everyone thinks of “work” as a good thing. This is why enjoyment is a crucial component to creating new habits.

When I say “do the work” I really mean get into action. Since the key to habit forming is repetition, you’re more likely to repeat something you enjoy doing. 

Let’s use our examples: 

You might not love your greens powder, but it could be more enjoyable when you drink it from a fancy cup, or you enjoy new recipes so you blend it into a yummy smoothie.

If exercising isn’t your favourite, listen to a playlist or podcast you love while you workout.

You don’t enjoy the backend of your business, so make your CEO days more fun by having them at a new coffee shop or co-working space. Invite a business bestie to join you and you can support each other in your businesses, more like a mastermind. (P.S. This is a bonus in helping you with accountability!)

I also want to mention that it’s very important that we start with a small changes approach: swap one unhealthy habit at a time. Super small changes are more attainable and realistic and will build confidence and momentum for us. Then, we can build more healthy practices over time; stacking our habits.

Speaking of confidence and momentum, our final part of the new habit creation is

[13:38] Phase Four: Reward

Making your habit enjoyable is amazing because it’s kind of like having a built-in reward system for while you’re performing the new routine. A strong “why” attached to your habit will also support enjoyment and fulfillment. However not every single day of the routine will be enjoyable and you might not feel the desired feeling or intention right away. This is why creating rewards for completing your routine is so important. It becomes positive reinforcement for you to repeat the new behaviour. 

If possible, you want the reward to come right after you complete the routine. Just like when I puppy is learning new tricks, when the puppy sits you say “good puppy!” and maybe a treat or lots of pets are involved and the puppy knows it did something good so it wants to repeat it again to get more treats and love.

The reward system is going to be different for everyone as we all have our own habits, intentions, and preferences. Here are some examples to get your wheels turning:

Drinking greens: Just like making the bed in the morning, drinking a shot of green juice in the morning can be a quick win for the day. Consider it a one and done, check off the box, success for the start of your day. If coffee is also a part of your morning routine, something that I do is drink water - in our example greens - BEFORE having the coffee and then the coffee becomes the “reward” so to speak as I can only have it after I drink my water/greens.

Working out: Physical exercise is one of those habits that give immediate emotional results. This is because working out releases endorphins in your body that make you feel better and happier. If this post-workout glow isn’t enough, consider rewarding yourself with a delicious protein smoothie after your workout, or take a moment to notice how much energy you have and how your back is not in any pain.

CEO dates: Share your wins with your business besties, or perhaps with your social media network. If you’d rather keep your meetings to yourself, have space at the end of your meeting to write out something you’re really proud of that happened this week, or one of your wins. End the meeting on a high note, even if it wasn’t your best week yet. There is always something to be grateful for and the energetic vibration of gratitude and appreciation is really the highest vibration you can feel.

You can also create milestone markers/rewards. If your habit is daily perhaps your reward comes at the end of each week of consistency. If your habit happens a couple times a week, maybe your big reward is celebrating every month. And if your habit is once a week or a few times a month, you can celebrate monthly, or quarterly. 

Forming new lifestyle patterns and habits will be a different process for each of us. Following these phases doesn’t really have a specific timeline, so if you’re mapping out the phases in your calendar for your habits, leave room for flexibility, or adjustments.

You might surprise yourself when you write out a 2x a week workout plan and find that you can actually get to the gym 3x per week. And be gracious with yourself if you aren’t doing your habit as often as you say. Start where you are, you can always build on from there.

If you’re listening to this episode around the time it comes out I would love to invite you to create your new habit with me and a community of empowered women starting 2022 with our healthy habit in the 21 Day Habit Challenge! This is a completely free experience and we are completing the challenge together LIVE!

If you visit the link post-challenge, you might see that there is a waitlist for our next challenge, please feel free to join the waitlist as I am planning on doing a few more challenges this year wink-wink!

Thank you so much for joining me and I cannot wait to hear what new patterns and routines you are creating! Take a screenshot of this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife so I can see what you’re working on and what episodes you’re loving!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

Make space for more joy, more compassion, more opportunities, more things that excite you by letting go of old patterns and limiting beliefs…

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[00:28] Hello friend, thank you for joining me for the very last episode of 2021. There is something so magical about this end of year energy. Don’t you think? This ending of a cycle or closing of a chapter of our lives. 

Truth be told, I get a little emotional thinking about this past year. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so up and down, or so lost for so long ever before. I also revisit incredible memories and events of the year. So much to celebrate and be thankful for. 

Although I have many rituals I like to practice at the end of the year, a few of them I’ve shared on this podcast, one of the common themes of these rituals and for the end of the year is letting go. 

I was chatting in the DMs on instagram with a friend of mine, Alisha, and she has given me permission to share our conversation here because I thought it would be very helpful for others to hear as well. 

Alisha wrote to me:

I hate that “let go” phrase. How do you let go? I can’t take something that bothers me and then just let it go and not let it still affect me.

And then I replied: That is a great question, and I also understand that you don’t like the phrase “let go” because it’s not that simple. Basically what I thought of - as corny as it sounds - is thank it for how it served you and how it brought you to this place and decide that this is no longer for you. Break up with it. Release it and say that it’s not empowering you anymore. And because of this it needs to go. It needs to not take hold of you anymore. And that’s a decision to empower yourself and when you make that decision everything else just falls away. It just lets go on it’s own. And you have to decide that you longer want to hold onto it. And it’s like a physical release in your body.

This also made me think of a metaphor: When the time is right you will be able to “let go” 

It’s like how a flower starts to open up from a bud. It’s so tight and coiled in on itself and as it grows it “lets go” and unfolds and opens into a beautiful flower/leaf and it is whole and its full self. This is something I’ve learned a lot from my plants this year. 

They did not bloom in my timing, they bloomed in their own timing. And yes, I did say that the end of year has this beautiful energy of releasing and renewing, however this might not be YOUR letting go time. And I believe that timing is so important. 

If you’re listening to this episode and you feel that it is really resonating with you then I encourage you to experiment with the practices I’m going to share.

If the timing doesn’t feel as aligned, you can still experiment as you please, but know that these practices might be more effective in different timing, and this is okay!

There is also a part of me that really believes that if you are listening to this episode, there is some sort of diving timing working with us; bringing us together in this moment. Perhaps you can feel into that more? 

[05:14] Let’s start off by defining what letting go means for us. To me it means deciding that I will no longer give it my energy. This could be mental, emotional, or physical energy. It’s about choosing to spend my mental/emotional/physical capacity toward the things that bring me joy. Spending my time and energy on people, projects, habits, and thoughts that empower me instead.

What does letting go mean to you? Have a think on it, and write it down in your journal or open up a new note on your phone.

When you understand what it means to you, you will have a better idea of how you can release the things that are no longer serving you. Your next step is to decide what you are letting go of, or leaving behind in 2021.

For this step I encourage you to write a list including feelings, limiting beliefs, bad habits/behaviours, and more. It may also help to think about what you want to bring in for the new year (more on this in our next episode) and the things that hold you back from these new more meaningful things. 

Take your time writing these out, and come back and add to the list as you need. You can also pause the episode if you’re doing the practice right this moment. 

[06:56] Here are some of the things I’m personally letting go of and leaving behind in 2021:

• Sticking with commitments because I think I should, even though it can feel tough for me to move on, especially with unfinished projects

• Saying yes to things that are not a “hell yes!” for me

• Hiding or limiting my multi-passionate and purposeful self; I sometimes think I have to be one thing or one way or an expert at a certain topic. I think one of the many reasons I love being a Healthy Habit Mentor is because this is really infinite and supportive in ways beyond what we might initially think of

• Ignoring my gut instincts

• Expecting others to do as much as I do, or move as quickly as I do. Going back to what I said about timing, I need to respect others for their own energy and timing

Now there are a few little rituals you can do next to let go so to speak. These are mostly physical practices, however the true release in my opinion comes from the firm decision to recognize that something is no longer for you and then emotionally releasing it as well. These little rituals are a physical representation of this, and then the continued work would be to practice the new behaviours and stop doing the old patterns.

[13:09] I wanted to make this a two-part episode because when we let go of one thing, we are really making room for something new. In part two we’ll discuss Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022. For now, let’s create that space.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number One:

Burn your list. Yep I said burn it. With actual fire - as note I would like to remind you that fire is not something to play with, and to be safe when burning anything. Write out your list of words, behaviours, habits, etc. on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it in a fireplace or fire pit. Watch it burn away. See how the flames burn the paper and the smoke rises up releasing the old patterns into the atmosphere. They are no longer yours.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Two:

Bury your list. Yes, rip up your paper into tiny pieces, dig a hole in the ground and bury the ripped up paper. Ripping up the list allows you to physically tear and separate the unhelpful behaviours from us, while burying the list gives our troubles to Mother Earth who can decompose and use our old patterns as recycled new energy.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Three:

Recycle your list of old patterns. That feels like a super millennial thing to say haha! If you don’t want to burn or bury your list. Write it out on paper - or even better in your phone notes and delete the list permanently or recycle the list in the bin. Before you delete it, go through each item and say in your head or out loud: “thank you for bringing me to this place in my life, I no longer need you.” To each of the items on the list. Then trash it.

Depending on what’s on your list, this can take a little more time. These little rituals are meant to be the beginning of letting go of these things. The ongoing practice begins with the small actions you take each day moving forward. We release the old patterns to make space for the new things we want to bring in, so once you’ve done one of these rituals with your list of things you’d like to release, tune into next week’s episode for the things you can replace your old patterns with. 

Until then, send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and share some of the habits, patterns, behaviours, or limiting beliefs you’ll be releasing this year.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E160: Best of 2021/Holiday Party

Counting down the top five episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast in 2021 and festive bonuses and more!…

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Hello and welcome back to another Holiday Party/Best of episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and healthy habit mentor Valerie LaVigne and today we’re counting down the top 5 episodes of 2021!

If you’ve never listened to a holiday party episode before, I sprinkled in some little festive recipes and things between our episode countdowns andddd without giving too much away, we do have some special guests returning to the show to help me with the countdown. 

Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 109: 2020

Episode 59: 2019

Now there are some traditions for the show and the first is that we do a *cheers* to 2021! Today I’m drinking a delicious recipe I found on a blog I love. The drink is called Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch by Half Baked Harvest.

Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch

Wherever you are, and with whatever you’re drinking, please join me in raising a glass celebrating a year that was without a doubt one we will remember. In some ways it feels like this year just started, and in other ways I thought it would never come to an end. Needless to say there is so much to be thankful for. For myself, this year had some really high-highs, and some really low-lows. Producing this podcast was a huge part of my health and wellbeing this year because it gave me purpose. Extra special shout out to all the listeners, you’ve meant more to me than words could ever express.If you’re listening to this episode I want to send you all the love, health, happiness, and joy for the end of 2021, into 2022, and beyond!

Cheers!

Our fifth most popular episode this year was

[3:09] [5] Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions (Tara)

Tara and I did not know each other before connecting through this podcast, and although we haven’t met in real life yet, I will say I have grown a deep connection with her through following her online and working with her in her Clarity Sessions, Akashic Records Readings, and Energy Clearings. She is a very wonderful human with amazing talents. 

In this episode Tara introduces us to many different systems for self-understanding and exploration, including a pendulum and the akashic records. Tara and I also did a live reading together on Instagram and I’ve linked the replay to this video on the show notes page.

Today, Tara is sharing 5 Yes or No Questions we can ask ourselves to help us with our 2022 goal setting!

Hi, I'm Tara McCrory, a clarity coach and certified energy practitioner. I help people connect the dots the seen and unseen through connecting to their intuition and yes no questions. Here are five yes no questions to ask yourself about goal setting.

Once you’ve written out your goals, ask are these goals in alignment with my values? 

Assessing if your goals are in alignment with your values by asking these powerful yes no questions really helps you determine from the get go. If this is aligned with your soul's path and soul's mission, think of your values as your intuitive GPS system and aligning your goal to that will help you stay clear and on topic and allow yourself to achieve this goal. 

Number two, are these goals 100% Clear? 

This question helps you determine if there are any aspects that are unclear about your manifestation. For example, people may say I want to get more money, I want to make more money. Well, the universe is very literal. and 10 cents is more money. So if you check, are these goals 100% clear and you get no chances if it's too vague. It's too vague and the universe is too literal and you may just get a duck. So, Hot Tip, go in, make it clear. 

Number three are these goals actionable?

Sometimes, within our conscious mind, we have these amazing pie in the sky visions which are phenomenal, except they can overwhelm us in the moment. So asking if this is actionable, and aligning it to something that is actionable, helps us release the overwhelming.

Is there something I need to revisit?

This is always a good question to ask about any of your goals or visions or intentions for example, anytime that you're manifesting, because if you get it yes, it could be your values. may have changed and then needs to be aligned.

Perhaps you've made a different decision or you've come to a new found awareness. And that just means that you are given this amazing opportunity to go and realign your goals to your new vision.

Last question is is there any aspect of me that believes me unworthy of achieving these goals?

That really helps you determine where you maybe need to do your inner work, where perhaps there's the mindset work to be done, if you will shadow to be integrated? It just gives you an opportunity to realize where perhaps there is a little bit more energy that needs to be focused.

Having the answers to these questions really simply empowers you to move forward in a way that is aligned and that may feel good for you. So if these work for you, feel free to redirect these questions for each of your goals by changing the bar these two are to. And if you found this helpful, please feel free to download my free guide 50 yes no questions for love, money and manifestation, perfect to get you a line in action for 2022.

Of course if you're interested in staying in touch and connected please you can find me at tarabmccrory.com or on Instagram at @tara_mccrory

Looking forward to connecting with you all, and all the best for 2022.

> Thank you so much Tara! Definitely going to revisit these questions for when I write out my goals for the new year! 

Before we get into our fourth most popular episode of 2021, I wanted to share the diffuser blend I am currently… diffusing.  It’s technically not a “festive” blend but it is lovely and very easy. It’s called “Confidence” Diffuser Blend Recipe:
3 Black Spruce
3 Eucalyptus 

These are some wonderful grounding and expansive oils. This I also think would make a great epsom salt bath mix… oooo I will try this later hahaha

The fourth most downloaded episode this year was titled

[9:13] [4] E111: Create Habits Based on Core Values (Deanna)

This episode came out early this year and similar to Tara, I had not met Deanna before the podcast. I loved recording this episode with Deanna. She is a great speaker, and made some very helpful points and shared wonderful exercises during this episode. 

Unfortunately I couldn’t connect with her to have her guest appear on the show today. So in celebration of this episode I would love to share with you an old habit that is no longer part of my core values that I am letting go of, as well as a new habit that aligns with my core values that I am going to work on for the new year.

As I share mine with you, I would encourage you to consider your core values and relisten to this episode with Deanna to create your own new value-aligned habits.

Lately I’ve been diving into learning more about Human Design. This is a system that is similar in a sense to Astrology in the way that it uses the time and location of your birth to determine your body graph or your design. As I’ve been learning more about how to interpret this graph or chart, I’ve been simultaneously learning more about myself. One of the key parts of this system is something called Authority and it’s used to help us make decisions. 

So how does all of this tie into my core values? Well, I noticed that I’ve been saying “yes” to a lot of invitations mostly because I struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out). I don’t necessarily want to go to the event but I also don’t want to miss something. Usually if I accept an invitation I didn’t really want to go to in the first place I find myself frustrated or resentful or energetically drained. 

One of my core values this year is to trust my sacral authority and I am specifically experimenting with this in decision making. So this is kind of a double habit of letting go of quickly responding to invitations and instead noticing how this invitation feels in my gut, or perhaps the sound I make when I receive the invitation. And if it’s not a “hell yes!” then it’s going to be a no from me.

And without trying to segway this into our third most downloaded episode of 2021, this connection to myself brings us to

[12:13] [3] E140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself (me)

This episode is one of my solo shows, and I am going to toot my own horn for this one because dang, revisiting this episode was exactly the reminder I needed going into the new year. If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, I recommend it! And if you’ve already listened to it… listen to it again, you’ll be glad you did. 

Plus it’s only 15 minutes long so it's nice and quick for a great mood boost! Here are the 10 ways to show up for yourself in short:

1: Commit to Habits, Practices, Routines, and Rituals that support your health and well-being, even when you don’t feel like it

2: Learn to Forgive Yourself

3: Allow Yourself to Feel ALL the Feels, Judgement-Free!

4: Listening to What You Need

5: Allow Yourself to Start Over

6: Remind Yourself that You Are Worthy

7: Prioritize Your Health

8: Give Yourself Permission to Rest

9: Spend Quality Time with You!

10: Invite Curiosity and Compassion into Everything You Do

As a bonus I will add Build Trust with Yourself 

Reading these again gave me the idea to commit to one of these every week for the next 10 weeks. Maybe writing it on a sticky-note or putting it into my calendar. Watch how the energetic shift in our lives happens when we commit to ourselves in these ways. AND how powerful do you think it would be if we stacked these habits each week! 

I’m getting that excited gut feeling! 

Our second most downloaded episode of 2021 is 

[14:22] [2] E116: Taking Aligned Action to Manifest Success featuring Cheryl Sutherland

Cheryl is motivating, captivating and shares lots of inspirational wisdom in this episode. We also did a live on instagram and talked about creating affirmations for entrepreneurs. 

Today, Cheryl is sharing a beautiful journaling exercise with us…

I know that most people wouldn't do well, not most people, a lot of people millennials, when they think of pivot, they think of ros, unfriend zero trying to get some sort of try to get a couch to fit. It's just not fitting. And so especially in the last couple of months, like there's been a lot of weird energy, a lot of resistance, a lot of frustration and the root of a lot of it is that it's time to do something different. But because the last couple years I've been kind of difficult, a lot of things have been tossed up in the air. It can feel really, really dangerous, really unsafe to actually transition from one thing to the next. Even though you know that thing is calling you and where you are right now does not feel good. It doesn't feel in alignment. It doesn't feel like you're even you know, like your happiest or your brightest or you're able to give the most that you're able to give the you're able to really walk in that power that you're here to do. And so with that one of the things that I ask of you is not to be brave, but to be honest with yourself, is this working for you? And if in a year you were in the exact same place, how would you feel about that? Does that make sense for you? Does it break your heart and if it does, then it's time to do something new. So today, I would love to go over a delicious journaling exercise that I even recently did as I am also doing this transition slash pivot Mac deeper into my speaking career, which is ultimately where I should have been really focusing on the last three years. But again.

​​So with that, one thing that I want to say before I get into the exercise, is that things don't have to be bad for them to not be right. So I think oftentimes, I know for myself, I have a very high pain threshold and combined with being a people pleaser. I'm really good at denying the things that I want and pushing them off like not listening to the signs don't listening to my intuition and thinking I just need to work a little bit harder. And with that, that's great in circumcircle certain circumstances but not if you're not operating in alignment. So just check in with yourself. How is your body doing whenever you're thinking about this thing, whether it be a relationship or a job or your career? How was your breath oftentimes you'll notice you are taking very short, anxious breath deep, wholehearted breath. When was the last time that you laughed when you were doing that thing that felt a little sticky or still feels a little sticky? Like when is it when was the last time it really brought you joy and what are you willing to give up in order to feel that joy again? And oftentimes we attach ourselves to this thing we're like, This is who I am. This is what I said I committed to and I need to do this in order to before I can move on to the next thing and I'm here to give you permission to let that go. If it's not serving you right now it's because it already served you and it ran its course. And now it's time for you to move on like the littlest hobo on to the next thing and for my Canadians, y'all know what I'm talking about. So yeah, I mean, there's so much wisdom in all of the things that you're saying right?

And the fun thing is when we allow these things to transition out of our lives then that we're actually creating room for the good things to happen or more greatest if we ever knew and it doesn't necessarily have to come from us. It could be something delicious at the university, right? However, we are not able to receive those things if we're occupying ourselves with nothing. So I would like to invite you to grab a piece of paper and grab a pen for this exercise. When I first did it, it probably took me about 20 minutes and a half an hour. And I just want to make sure that you are in a space that is quiet, that you feel safe. That is aesthetically pleasing. If you can and that you're comfortable and warm and perhaps like you know light a nice Bath and Bodyworks candle or something. But the whole purpose of this is just to kind of recontextualize some of the things that you have gone through and what your life really looks like. Now during this exercise I am going to ask you to tell a story but this story is in fact the story of you. So you are going to go through chunks of time and then third person, talk about yourself. However, instead of focusing on the negative things or the difficult things or things that have held you back, you are going to see yourself the way that your best friend has seen you and like they're talking about you in an interview. So for example, during the ages of 16 to 21 I was very, I was very loving. I just love to take care of people like I actually got multiple jobs and customer service because I just love figuring out what people liked and were able to give to them during that time. Yes, there were difficult things that happened either with school, a falling out with the best friend, all these different things. And instead of writing the story of like, yeah, I ended up being robbed at this age and like this person betrayed my trust. The story that I decided to tell was one of who I aspire to be and who I truly am. Now, this actual process allows you to steep yourself into the fact that you're abundant. That you are capable, that you are powerful and that you over time that you've been showing and this is proof that you've been showing up in such an amazing way and that you are back to that amazing person. That you are worthy of all the great things and that you can do all the hard things as well. So through this exercise, I would invite you to chunk down your life. Usually I would like to do between the time of birth to age 10 And then of course 11 to 16 and then we're gonna go forward in five increments of five years to where you're at right now and then add on an additional five years. So for example, I am 35 at the present moment , so I was able to write where I was from the ages of 28 to 33. And then you know 34 forwards. So by the time you get up to the part where you're at right now and what you want to create, you have this feeling of oh, wait a second, anything is possible. I can do all these things. I deserve all these things. Look what I've created in the past. I'm such a kind of caring, loving person. And based on the help I've always been taking care of. I've always achieved the goals that I want to. So who am I to tell myself that I'm not able to do what I want to do moving forward? Why would I lie to myself like that?

That just doesn't make sense. So as you go through and do this exercise again, take the time to elaborate in as much detail as you would like. However, notice if there's a time where you want to talk about something, you know, that's really difficult for myself. One of the things that came up was my father's passing. He left or transitioned. I guess he's still here. Honestly, he's been stalking me the last couple days so it's magical.

When I was 22 years old and instead feeling like I had my world crashed down and like this person was supposed to be here to walk me down the aisle and tell me how to be in proper relationships and value myself. So I didn't get trampled on by all these stupid men. Instead of all of that I was like, no matter what some I was able to practice holding space for my family. I was able to practice being really brave and really proud of how I handled everything, and how I was willing to seek out help, how I was willing to cry. But then I think that if he was looking at me during that time as well, he'd be very proud of how I was able to just continue to grow and move forward, etc, etc. So, again, I'm not asking you to do any sort of spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. You're just seeing the bright side of things, and the powerful side of things because this is in fact who you are. So with that, that is going to support you with your picket. That's not only good for you and your family, but it's also going to support you with seeing yourself the way that the people that care about you see you, the people that admire you see you. And hopefully, the way that you will choose to see yourself moving forward as well.

Cheryl also has a wonderful online course called

Create Clarity in Your Calling Bundle

This course helps you to release doubt and create new habits of thoughts so you can feel powerful and rock-solid as you grow a business you love, and live the amazing, magnificent, delicious life that you desire. She has also given the listener’s of the show 15% off with the PROMO CODE VALERIE15

[24:55] Time Capsule Questions

The very first year I did the countdown I asked and answered 21 time capsule questions. My intention for these was to answer them each year, and then last year I decided that they weren’t beneficial to the show. So I’ve actually changed my mind for this and what I’ve decided to do is ask you/say the questions here on the episode, but include my answers in the show notes page so you don’t have to hear me blabber on about them. 

The reason I’m bringing the questions back is because I find it really wonderful to look back and read what we’ve written in journals and I personally don’t journal that often so this encourages me to do it at least once a year. 

The questions are basic and fun to answer personally, and can also be customized to you! Without further ado, here are the 21 questions to ask yourself:

1. What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

It was very early so I was thinking about how I wanted to sleep for 15 more minutes and snuggle a little longer.

2. What's the first thing on your to do list?

Wrap up the podcasts for 2021 and then packing for our trip to England

3. What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

Honestly, nothing. Everything is exactly as it should be and everything will get done in its own timing.

4. What song are you loving right now?

Fancy by Lennon Stella, or really anything by Lennon Stella

5. What's your favourite essential oil?

Living for Black Spruce

6. When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, two years later?

Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY happy with the organic growth of the show, however I know I can push myself out of my comfort zone more with this podcast. And this will be a huge part of 2022 for me, as well as speaking on other people’s podcasts and really growing the community.

7. What's the best advice you received this year?

Mistakes do not define us, it’s how we move on from them that does.

8. What's the biggest lesson you learned? 

Never give up; your daily habits are doing more than you realize.

9. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Lately I’ve been really enjoying trying new recipes, and feel inspired when I’m working with my hands. I also find that I am very inspired by my houseplants and watching them grow and nurturing them.

10. When is the best time for your creative process?

Usually during a workout I feel inspired or motivated to take action. I feel like this is because I’m moving energy around and I’ve usually been awake for a little while and I’ve also had breakfast.

11. Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring? 

I’ve been fascinated by Human Design so anyone who is teaching/sharing about this. From podcasts to pinterest boards, and everything in between I love it so much!

12. Tell us about your current routines… 

Depending on the day I wake up, eat breakfast, workout, and then put on a really fun outfit that makes me feel amazing in my body. Then I get shit done and work from home.

On days that I’m at the studio I wake up at 5:30am, pack up my lunch bag, make a coffee, put on some eye gels that have been in the fridge so they are nice and cooling. Then I teach all day.

In the evenings I do my french lesson on Duolingo, brush + floss my teeth and do a brain dump on my notes app before giving Craig a kiss and going to bed.

13. What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage? 

Peppermint Beadlets (doterra link)

On Guard Sanitizing wipes (doterra link)

Notebook + pen

14. What was the last thing that made you cry? 

Oh gosh this movie with Sandra Bullock had me sobbing: The Unforgivable. I have no idea what came over me, I was just so upset at the end, I had to blow my nose, I was crying so hard.

15. What do you want to be remembered for? 

Empowering women to put themselves first on their love list; to make themselves a priority and do the things that bring them joy (guilt-free)

16. What's the best gift you've given, that doesn't cost money?

Well… let me tell you! I wrote a letter from my 20 year-old-self and opened it for my 30th birthday this year and oh my goodness that was the most incredible/surreal experience and it was by far the best gift I’ve given/received.

17. What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

Sleeping cloud is my favourite thing: When you’re lying in bed and someone billows the covers over you.

18. What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

Alone time. Extra doses of fave self-care. Turning off my phone at a certain time. Not checking email in the morning.

19. Favourite quote + why?

“Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.” - Alan Watts

Because this was a really tough year and I made a point of being very present and feeling all my feels and showing up and as intense as this is going to sound, it really saved my life this year.

20. Biggest highlight of 2021?

Craig and mine’s trip to Banff, and now going to meet Craig’s family in England for the holidays.

21. What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

I’m proud of you for taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, and sharing your story with the world. You are an inspiration to your community and I know it took a lot of courage to get out there, but you did it! The strength you were searching for was within you this whole time.

Our final episode in the countdown, and the most downloaded show of 2021 was

[27:47] [1] E133: Elevating Your Morning Routine Alexandra Panagoulia of Batch Beauty Lab

This was one of my favourite conversations because both Alexandra and I really connected the last couple years through the Make Lemonade online community and also through our similar daily routines. I love talking about other people’s rituals and habits and learning from the things that bring them joy, and seeing how that might play out in my own routine, and I feel like that’s how most of the listeners felt with this episode also.

Today I have a mini conversation with Alexandra and I that we pre-recorded. It’s a bit of a then, now, and what to expect for 2022. Let’s have a listen…

VL: What is your current morning routine and how has this changed since our last episode in the summer?

AP: I’m really consistent with my daily walks, I think it's just like a perfect way to set my day. I will say something that's the change. I take in my journaling that I've done usually in the morning and now I'm into more of a routine, and I did you know, always been consistent with journaling in the evening but I think that right now, as the seasons change, it's just giving me some really great time to wind down to give a lot of thought to my day and how I want to prepare for the next day. So, you know, moving into 2022 Something that I really want to do is be consistent with my wakeup time. So I think being able to wind down a little earlier and adding a few more rituals into my winding down routine will help facilitate me being able to incorporate something new into my morning routine into the year that's so great.

VL: I'm really glad that you said that because I teach a mini training that's all about morning routines, and they also teach one that's all about evening routines and they tell people like the secret to your morning routine is a really great evening routine and they really complement each other this way. So which kind of was gonna lead me into my next question, which is will you be incorporating anything new for 2022? Can you speak to those rituals a little bit and maybe how we can also incorporate something new into our new year?

AP: Yeah, so I've been giving it some thought and I've been trying it a little bit i i had to wake up a little earlier. Something that I've been doing is I've been putting my alarm clock just literally on the other side of my room so that when it is off I'm having to actually wake up and turn it off. And I know that that is not revolutionary at all, but it works. There are some mornings where I walk back to my bed and I and I go back into bed, like five more minutes. But the reality is, you know, that's not always the best way to start off your day and you're going back to bed and kind of like reverse it's like reverse what you're what you're trying to accomplish. So yeah, I think you know, I'm gonna continue doing that and, and I know a lot of people may struggle waking up early in the mornings, but I think to your point what you just said it's all about how you're incorporating something new into your evening routine. so that's going to be winding down, minimal screen time in the evening. journaling, like I mentioned, and I find that ratings really have been helping me as well.

VL:I keep putting my books beside my bed and I keep telling myself I'm going to read every night and it just doesn't work for me like I'm not an evening reader because I fall right asleep so I think it's a great way to fall asleep for myself personally.

But I definitely need to like that resort. I think he gave some really great tips for the art eating routine and kind of finding what works best for you and just trying different things. I feel like this is where people, you know, they try so hard to create a new habit and they're like, oh, I need to think of reinventing the wheel and I need to be completely different. And really, it actually is like the simplest things and maybe it was something that worked for you in the past or maybe it's something that you know, you've heard of you just haven't tried yourself. So I definitely agree that even though it's not revolutionary, it can work and still can work.

AP: Yeah and it is a tip on incorporating something new into your morning or evening routine if you have an existing routine Great. Follow through with it and maybe you know, make some changes based on how you're feeling in the present moment or in that time of your life. Let's just say in that season. So I know in the summer it's easier for me to wake up early as I love to go for early morning walks in the summer when it's a bit cooler in the winter. It's a little bit more of a challenge. So that's where I find I like incorporating better bedtime routines. probably I can make up a little earlier.

But I think the tip is is even if you're starting new and you don't have any rituals right now, introduce one one ritual that, you know, feels really good to you. So whether it's stretching when you get out of bed or going for a walk or journaling first thing I think the power of just incorporating something that is just for yourself is beneficial. That doesn't necessarily need to be a power list of 10 things.

Well there you have it. The top 5 episodes of 2021, with some of the amazing guests we’ve had on the show. Plus a festive beverage recipe, delightful diffuser blend, and 21 questions to ask yourself each year as a fun tradition to look back on for years to come.

Now technically we do have one more episode for 2021… which comes out Wednesday, until then join me on Instagram @vallavignelife

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E159: This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

Jenny was at a very low point in life and searching for something to help her at this troubling time. She didn't think Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne, would be able to help her, but Jenny invested in the 1:1 Mentorship Program anyway.

After five weeks of working on a 3-part journalling exercise to improve mindset and self-appreciation, Jenny discovered a new-found energy and purpose that brought light and love back into her life. This is Jenny’s story…

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[1:12] Valerie: How were you feeling before working with me?

Jenny: A couple of things lost, probably and pretty down to be honest, mentally pretty low.

Valerie: Yeah, I remember with our first call one of the things that you said that no one's ever said to me was, I don't think you can help me and I was so taken aback by it because for one I was like, then why did you say right?

I'm not and that's, I think, so important that people there's a quote by Henry Ford, and he says, whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right. And I think that that's one of the biggest hurdles for people starting something or getting into something is that, you know, right away, they say, oh, no, I can't do that. And that's their first, their first walk into failure, so to speak. Right. So, you know, yeah, with that feeling of being lost, I do have to ask, what made you want to work with me, even though that was one of the first things you said?

Jenny: Yeah. So just to talk about that for a second to say, “I don't think you can help me.” Was it really sort of verbalization of you know how low I was? I didn't think that that that you know, I wasn't sure I wasn't convinced I was skeptical how can how can this help because I'm feeling so low and You're right you've totally hit the nail on the head that it's a very it was a very negative mindset But luckily there was something in me that I had hope and that's why reached out I was feeling tired But I always So had something To me that made me feel like Maybe there's help out there maybe Maybe there's a way to Maybe somebody can make me feel better.

Maybe they can And what you are offering brilliant Face me it sounded Dental It sounded doable and I was feeling so tired hurtful but needed to be babysat That's for me and so Think come on must have seen something on your Instagram And it just took feel to me How it seemed like it was doable And so that's why I took this Step to contact you and it absolutely was.

Valerie: I'm so glad that you Did that. I'm so glad that you trusted your instinct to do that.

Jennifer: There was something in me that made me think you know what to give this a go.

Valerie: Yeah.

Jennifer: yeah It was we were going to work together for these Five weeks so it's like I felt like there was time To make a difference.

Valerie: And within that time What habit did we create together?

Jennifer: So It was a few but I think the Just serve wins during the process was that I had everything right in front of me and I didn't know it, but you showed me that I did and those things. We're so simple the gratitude journaling was really important to me and This was a different kind of gratitude that you introduced me to that I've never or heard of before and what was so important to me was that there was three aspects to it you said thank you Anything you're grateful for Think of anything that brings you comfort Think of it thinking that you're proud of 

And I think that's just A winning car combination the winner In Formula Three different things It made my main shift in three different directions What am I grateful for For your draft income For and you know what what I like about myself and that Last part really gave me I think a confidence boost that I was really Looking for because every day I had to think of something What am I good at And Yeah It just all three together was was a kind of Three dimensional design.

Surely cliche but three dimensional way To have gratitude not Just like three things what you're grateful for what brings you Comfort Well what are you grateful for and what are you proud of and And I enjoyed it In that everyday exactly Think about three different things between different areas of my life The last one For you prayed off of yourself was probably The hardest one and probably The one that had the most the impact

Valerie: Yeah, thank you for sharing that I remember you coming to me and that first call like it was memorable. And One of the things you shared was that you want to work on A specific habit that has to do with Nutrition. And when I was listening to you and all of the words Like you were saying you know I knew is that it wasn't the nutrition that we were lenient to work on it There's a deeper level level and layer than Not and you No being able to have that common Session just the two of us one on one I mean that was it was almost Like this container for you to share no going up and as skeptical as you They have been you are incredible Billy Welling and incredibly open and I really want to applaud you for that because a lot of people For especially when you're working Was someone new I mean we didn't really know what other very well before working together so For you to trust me you that much I I mean, that's where I think the most transformation comes from is because you are open to the suggestions. And I know you're thinking, you know, Val, I'm coming to you with this nutrition habit. And I was saying, well, Jenny, actually, there's something else we need to do first.

[7:36] Jenny: Absolutely, but you, you think you don't realize that there's something deeper sometimes I think.

Valerie: And that's why, you know, the one on one can be so impactful, is because we're really customizing it to you like that gratitude journal, that for that gratitude journal, practice with the three questions. Those were completely curated for you. Like that's not like a system that I sell. It says, This is what we need to work on together. That's going to help you so I'm so glad that you enjoyed the process and the practice. And is there anything else that you want to add into how you make it work for you because you're a mom, you have a busy schedule? You are you know, managing your household. Tell me, how did you make it work?

Jenny: First thing I did was to a actually get a new journal so that had something fun I wanted to open every day So I ordered myself Have a new journal which was all So a calendar so that actually I'm not really helpful because I know have specific days to write in there I have a lot of space in it so I could Get those three levels of gratitude written down and then I had heard something and I totally believe it's true Save and filter today That If you can try Start your very first like five minutes From when you you know just woken up Think positively that can really help you with the rest of your Day so I think it really works so I start to journal as an So I woke up and just helped With the rest with the rest The day in terms of how I was feeling so That's So I started with a new journal and And doing this practice every morning.

Valerie: That's excellent that you found the right tools and the right time to do the work, and I I totally agree I like to set an intention every morning. And if that intention has I'd better amplify or the elevation of gratitude to two that's an even more amazing win, so very good! The last question that I have I want to ask you today is all What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?

[10:04] Jenny: Quite a few actually, the most important thing to me was a positive state of mind. It’s the reason it gets to be on how to perform better in other areas Of My Life So my Running got better My Parenting I think got better because I was Just generally happier And it sounds And Papa I think I had just put myself To the bottom of the bill I probably wasn't even On the list and Working with To me We realized that I had to be on the list and I I had to be the first thing on the list. That's why the worked well with the you know the product to surface the news I woke up You've heard this cliche before But you know ‘put your own out oxygen mask or first’ it's so true bye during this practice for myself First thing in the morning I was then able to go through the rest of the day or The tasks involved with just Have more positive mindset and also to at least say that then built momentum so that you The next day wasn't so difficult followed by the The following day and the next day. and I gained so much momentum with it that as I went to New York to complete marathon I was in probably the best mental shape that I could be in and thank goodness I took those steps because I think obviously 26.2 miles is really difficult and arduous, but it would have been doubly difficult with a negative state of mind.

Valerie: WOW

Jenny:And now it's just about keeping that going. But I know what to do and It's not expensive. It's not difficult, it's just doing it and I think so many of us are just so busy, and we have forgotten, or haven't even tried. And to try that's the first thing and once you've tried You don't want to give it up I think called it my golden hour I think I talked to you about this, even getting earlier to do it was helpful because everyone's still sleeping could have some time for me so I don't grudge helping everybody. Am I happy to, but In a happier state of mind because if you're not and a half years state of mind that's when the resentment starts to To kick in and it's like truly no one else's fault It's very hard to Move from feeling like it is everyone else's fault and once I made that shift It got better.

Valerie: Wow Thank you so much for sharing that . It's so true, I mean so many things you said so many golden nuggets in there. I'm about How your mindset, especially in the beginning of the day, trickles into all the other areas of your life. It’s power fool and Just yeah whether it's a naked mindset or a positive mindset can really they change things and I I think a lot of people can relate to a lot of people listening can relate to, the fact that you know They're not at the top The list they might not be on the list Well have their priorities and them People that they're going to take care of because you know we've all have busy lives And we all have a lot of priorities, and we all have a lot of have different people that depend on on us but we can be better parents and friends partners when we actually put put ourselves on the list.

So huge! I just… I was getting teary hearing the impact that it made on you And I just like I'm holding my heart So tight right now because I feel everything that you're saying And And like I'm getting goosey and you've done So much work you've come so far.

[14:23] Jenny: And another thing they see that I have friends they do put themselves on the on their list And I had maybe previously thought that oh Wow I like You know I can't be like them or I'm not like them or Those are interesting priorities don't fit case share those And then I realized Hold on a minute They've figured So they've already done this Work it When in their lives But they realized wait a second If I do this then I couldn't be better X Y & Z and live my best life is cliche as it sounds.

But before I did this kind of work, I didn't recognize that they had put themselves on their lists. So now I feel like my eyes are opened to habits that my Friends have that Respect admire and realize oh hey I'm thinking things to know and before thought it was good The snow Not me I'm not person who does block a block but not actually being a person He does do those things Is So good for you and so I think that's that's been really First thing is To sort of you It really opened my eyes to habits of rents in the past sort of think well That's you know you do you and that's what you do this now that's not for me Well now I realize actually Like I've been missing out So thank you for interest You see me too and you You I guess a new way to live.

Valerie: You are most welcome and honestly I feel like I was just holding this space for you to make those observations, and for you to you know do the work and that permission to put Your cell phone first. The permission to make mistakes and miss a day and come back to it so I mean you were really the one Who who made the change and I'm so happy that I could have been there to see this process and to to help You with it because, honestly like i said i I'm just like vibrating right now with that goosebumps and my heart is so full and I'm just so I'm so proud of you I'm so happy for you so well done you did Amazing.

Jennifer: Thank you, it doesn't stop, you’ve got to keep doing the work!

Valerie: I know! And you're doing it, you're doing it. It's so incredible to be part of your journey To watch you through this journey so I can't wait to see what you do next, what marathon you run or what else you accomplish! Because It's inspiring it's outstanding and just Just know that the friends who Have those healthy habits yeah You are now person to somebody yes you are now that inspiration to another person you are now giving permission To another mom another round or another woman Who wants to be impactful in this world and put themselves first so that's That's huge And I think these are the things that we didn't think We were going to get out of have something like this but we do alright we get so much more than we expect.

[17:39] Jennifer: Thank you for saying that because I'm actually seeing that happen already I've had people Message me to tell me that I am inspired to them and can we meet for a call or how Did you do or I want to hear about your journey ever thought I would be one of those people.

And people would actually want to know how you do it? or you know how it's going? or I want to hear and it just shows you that... I am is going to talk about women because that's my experience but so many women are looking for Ways to help themselves and if I can and help them just by being like guinea pig an example of just trying some thing and showing how it worked for me then That helps me to keep going I don't Feel like I'm there yet I feel like every day is a learning day but to know that that could help versus his power because I helps you to keep going too.

Valerie: 100% You're impacting other women now, like, this is exactly why I want to do what I'm doing or why I do what I'm doing. Because I know that if I can help one person, that one person is going to help another person and that person that you're helping is going to help another person and honestly, that is the goal is to have this world be a brighter, better place and as corny as that sounds and trust me like I'm not about cheesy things, but that's so it's so true. and the way that I've been able to do that is through healthy habits and like through helping people with habits that they didn't even know could help them. and it is so freakin simple. So yeah, honestly like again blown away by this conversation.

Jenny: It's a fact that when women have babies, they lose confidence, which is just a sad fact. But it happens. So if that's a fact, then everyone who's got kids has gone through so much, not just, you know, pregnancy and childbirth, but postpartum, Even if you're not, you know, diagnosed with postpartum depression, there are other things that happens and I'm happy to talk openly about that too. But how you do it gives you confidence you may have left your job or done many things like that. And so there's things that can keep you positive in your life. And then once a lot was gone, It's hard to do it yourself. But, you know, you've helped me realize that you can do it yourself.

Yeah, to rely on you know, being praised for your, your work or for anything you can do from within. Then you’re all set.

Valerie: And it's cool to to see like how in the beginning, you're like, something I'm proud of like, you're like, Oh, I ran a marathon. I help other people like I changed my life. I'm a better mom and like so many things, so many things you're proud of and you didn't even have to like put more thought into it. You didn't even have to like, sit there and take a moment you know, and I mean you can just say it, and that's like, that's the transformation and people think like, oh, I need my life to change overnight with like winning the lottery or whatever. But that's not like that's just not it all the time. You know, it's like, the simplest thing you can do and yeah, okay, it takes a little bit of time. But think about like, How long were you upset? How long were you thinking of that negative mindset? How long were you feeling low? 

Jenny: Umm probably years to be honest.

Valerie: Now that’s it. And I mean, to say that the work isn't done, you're completely right. It's never gonna really be done. But it's a lot easier to do now. And the fact that you're like shining light for other people and giving permission to other people to do the work. I mean, that's huge. But in such a short amount of time, like we work together for five weeks, that was about three or four months ago.

Let's say like three months since we finished. So in less than six months, you have shifted years of pain and heaviness into something so powerful. I mean, you ran a frickin marathon!

Jenny: I definitely got tools to Yeah, to Yeah, like, more positive and like you said, you know, it just gains in momentum. and now there's a piece of you suggesting that you know, I might help other people. I mean, I didn't even think that was on the cards but I actually now have evidence of that because people are asking me, we meet for coffee, I'd love to hear about your journey and I'm like, okay.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that so much and I appreciate you sharing your journey with me and with the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm so excited. I it's interesting because I know the there's quite a commitment for like the one on one mentorship experience with me and I try to explain to people how powerful it is and like it's so much more impactful because it's customized like I could talk about a gratitude journal all day every day. but what we created for you is so different from what I have done with anybody else, but it works for you and that's why we made it for you.

Someone else I talked to they started a gratitude journal too, but they just have to write one thing down they're grateful for which probably wouldn't have worked for you, as much as this other three part one day.

Jenny: I agree, agree.

Valerie: Yeah so it's different for everybody.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E157: Healthy Holiday Habits

Nine healthy holiday habits to support you in having a smoother, more meaningful holiday season…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! If you’re listening to this episode as it comes out, it is the first of December and we are headed into the holiday season! Don’t worry if you’re listening to this after, or long before the next holiday season, there are tips for keeping up with your healthy habits, before and after the holidays. 

Full disclosure: I am more of a Halloween person than I am a Christmas person. If you know you know, am I right?

I LIKE the holidays, but if I’m being honest, I get more excited about halloween. You see, something I always notice during the winter holidays is the added stress of all the events, gift giving, change of season, goal setting, and all the things around this time of year. 

All that being said, I wouldn’t be a great Healthy Habit Mentor if I didn’t have key practices to share with you to support you in a smoother, more meaningful holiday season. So in today’s episode I am sharing simple, practical habits to keep you feeling healthy over the holidays.

As I share these different practices, I’d like you to notice which of them really excite you. Which of the habits are you already practicing? Which habits can you modify to suit your goals and lifestyle the best? As with many of my podcast episodes I share practical takeaways. These are often very general, with some options or tips to elevate the suggestions that I share. Since it’s a podcast I can only speak from my experiences and it doesn’t leave room for customization for you - so this is where YOU will need to put in the effort and creativity.

When I work with my one on one clients, we are able to dig deeper into the goals and specific lifestyle to create customized versions of general habits. Since you and I are not face-to-face together right now, take a moment to think of a feeling that you would like to feel/embody over the holidays. Knowing how you want to feel will be the basis for each of your own healthy holiday habits. The feeling word is what changes each of these habits for each of the listeners. Let’s use three feeling words as examples of how to tweak each of the habits today. These three words will be: Calm, Excited, and Connection. If your word is different from these, that’s okay, the practice still applies to you!

I’ve also decided to organize this episode into different types of habits including: nutrition, physical health, and mindest.

Let’s get started!

[3:33] Healthy Holiday Nutrition Habits

I am a big foodie! I love trying new recipes, I love cooking (most of the time), and I love eating food! The holiday season typically involves lots of meals, and eating different foods, or eating more than we usually do. Please note that this NOT one of those podcasts that encourages calorie counting or any of that BS! I am here to empower you to connect to your body and fuel it with what makes you feel good. I am also an advocate for whole, healthy foods because they are delicious and my body feels amazing when I eat quality meats, roasted veggies, and delicious fruits! I also enjoy cookies and brownies and a good half baked ben and jerry’s ice cream even though my body doesn’t feel as good after I eat them haha 

I digress! Here are my suggestions for Healthy Holiday Nutrition Habits:

1. Prioritize hydration. The formula for how much water you need to drink is half your bodyweight in pounds, in ounces of water. That means if you weigh 130 lbs, you need to drink 65 ounces of water or 8.5 cups of water daily. 

When you’re visiting others over the holidays, bring a water bottle with you. If you’re hosting, keep your water bottle full and nearby so you can take sips throughout the day and while prepping for your guests. If you aren’t used to drinking that much water then yes, you’ll probably have to use the bathroom more often - trust me it’s worth it.

I bring my water bottle with me everywhere! Early in 2021 I invested in a bluetooth water bottle called Hidrate Spark - I am OBSESSED! Yes, compared to most water bottles it is expensive, but I’m using it every single day, and I’ve stayed on track with my water intake for almost a year solely because of this water bottle. It has a rechargeable scale in it that connects via bluetooth to an app on my phone and tracks my daily water intake. It also has optional notifications on your phone, and a glow feature on the bottle (with different colour options) that remind me to drink when I’m behind on my goal. I’m not even kidding this is a GAME CHANGER. I feel immensely better physically and mentally because I am prioritizing hydration daily; not just over the holidays.

2. The second habit is a bit of an add on to the first one, drink a glass of water for every glass of alcohol, if you’re drinking alcohol that is, if not this also applies to caffeinated beverages too.

Alcohol and caffeine are dehydrating, and often very sugary. Avoid dehydration and sugar crashes by alternating alcohol and caffeine with a glass of water.

3. Eat slowly. Enjoy the food you’re eating, take time to taste the delicious meals you or your loved ones have thoughtfully prepared! On a digestion note, it takes our brain 20 minutes to know that our tummy is full so slow down to enjoy the food, and to recognize when your body has had enough. You can always go back for seconds! I usually take a little bit of everything and try it all before going back and choosing my favourite things or the foods that make me feel the best after eating. You don’t have to miss out on all the goodies.

4. Take your vitamins and your greens! There are some delicious vegetables in season this time of year in Ontario, Canada such as: apples, pears, beets, cabbage, carrots, eggplant, fennel, leeks, mushrooms, green/red/yellow onions, potatoes, rutabaga, spinach, squash, field tomatoes, and turnips. YUM!

Incorporating seasonal vegetables into your meals is important because these fruits and veggies will have the most nutrients in your area and also happen to be very grounding vegetables to help you stay balanced during this time of year - more on this later.

Since a lot of greens are not in season, my new habit this December is to drink a greens drink every day. My favourite greens powder is called SUBI and the one I like is peach flavoured. I get it on amazon.

You’ll also want to connect with your holistic nutritionist or health care provider to share the best vitamins for you and your body, however vitamin C and D are wonderful to supplement this time of year - especially if you’re in Canada where we get less sunshine in the winter.

Here’s how to apply these habits year-round: nutrition is part of our everyday health and wellness. Prioritizing hydration, choosing healthy, whole foods can be beneficial for year round without a doubt!

Feeling calm: If you’re hosting, take the stress out of holiday meals by planning dishes in advance, asking for help with setting up, shopping or cooking, OR choose a catering company that makes delicious healthy meals for everyone to enjoy.

If you’re attending a lot of events, prepare healthy whole foods during the week and bring your water bottle out with you - no one says anything to me when I have a water bottle it’s no big deal.

Feeling excited: Get excited about all the yummy foods you can cook, or try this season. Google search seasonal vegetables in your area and get creative with recipes you can try and serve. 

Take your time enjoying each meal, each bite and savour the moments with friends and family. 

Feeling Connection: Focus on the time with your loved ones versus the food at the event. Share your new healthy habits with your friends and family and maybe create a game or healthy competition for drinking water during the event. 

Enjoy the moments around the dinner table. Discuss flavours, or share recipes you’ve found with friends and family.

Our next section is all about 

[10:20] Physical Healthy Holiday Habits

The holiday season creates a lot of “go-go-go!” energy. So many things are happening, we’re booking our calendars and daily routines are changing often. With more events and shopping to do it can be challenging to stick to our biological clocks and natural rhythms - but we can still make it work!

Habit number 5. Make time for movement. I always say that a body in motion stays in motion. During the holidays you want to be moving your body mindfully and intentionally, not just rushing around shopping and event hopping and what not. If you don’t already have a movement practice or exercise routine, now is a great time to start one. Yes I know you are busy, who isn’t!? I also know that you will feel so much better when you make time for movement every day. It could be a 45 minute strength training session, a 60 minute pilates class, or a 10 minute stretch at home. 

If you’re travelling over the holidays, pull up your workout app or a YouTube video to keep you motivated to workout while away. It doesn’t have to be super intense to have an impact on your body and mind.

In episode 54 I shared my #1 Secret for Keeping Up with Fitness While Travelling,

Exercise also helps keep things moving inside our bodies, especially when we’re eating more or when we’re eating foods that are slower to digest. Daily movement boosts digestion and endorphins, you’ll have more energy and excitement for the busy day ahead. 

6. Get enough sleep. The changes to your schedule can really throw off the natural rhythms and cycles in our bodies including our hormones, productivity, and more. My rule of thumb is going to bed the same day you woke up. A client shared this with me once during a pilates class and it really stuck with me. It makes a HUGE difference when I go to bed before midnight, even if it’s 11:50pm.

If you’re interested in learning more about our body’s chronology and natural cycles, check out the book: The Power of When (kindle edition)

Application for year-round: Just like our nutrition, physical health is a foundational part of our healthy lifestyle. It’s these types of non-negotiable habits that set us up for success before, during, and after the holidays. Supporting our bodies' natural cycles, getting quality sleep, and sweating/moving daily make the body feel good inside and out.  

Feeling calm: Choose workouts that support this feeling such as yoga, mindful stretching, tai chi, etc. Create an evening routine that helps you transition from busy days to relaxing evenings to better prepare you for quality sleep.

Feeling excited: Mix up your workout routine to something more fresh, or try something new! 

Feeling Connection: To connect more to self, use the evening as a wind-down time to journal and reflect on the day. When I’m weight training I’m not just working out my physical body. This is an important part of the day that is just for me. It’s a time that helps me deepen the connection with myself and my body. That feeling of connection can be the time you’ve made for you and your relationship with yourself, or others. 

If you want a deeper connection with others, invite friends to train with you, or meet at a pilates class or workout class together. You can always grab a coffee after or maybe do some holiday shopping post-workout.

Our final section of today’s episode is all about 

[14:28] Healthy Holiday Mindset Habits

If there is one thing I want you to take away from today’s episode it’s that your mind is SO POWERFUL and will determine how your holiday, and your life experience is going to go for you. I feel like this topic deserves its own episode, for the sake of staying on topic/theme I’ll discuss the key points. Having a balanced mindset will allow you to go out and have a great time this holiday season.

Habit 7. Make time for self-care. This can be a very busy time of year. As you get invited to more events and gatherings, remember to schedule in time for yourself, and the activities or interests that support filling your cup. Do you enjoy reading, bubble baths, massages, coffee dates with friends, getting a blowout or a pedicure? Schedule those into your calendar. I’ve recently started stretching with my yoga blocks to help me with my posture and I’ll put on music or an episode of Sinfeld and just lay there on the floor. It’s me time and I love it. You don’t even have to do anything during your self-care time, you can block it off for white space. 

8. Practice mindfulness. Another really important piece of a healthy and supportive mindset is mindfulness. I mentioned it briefly when we were talking about nutrition, but it also applies to other areas of our life and the holidays. Of course everyone wants to be able to buy gifts for their loved ones, but that doesn’t mean going into debt or overspending to prove that you care about others. It isn’t worth the stress, guilt, or resentment this often leads to. Be mindful when you’re eating, shopping, accepting invitations, and in the day-to-day commitments this holiday season.

Which leads me to our final habit 9. Create healthy boundaries. What I mean by this is being able to say “no” when you mean no. Not overbooking yourself. Not overwhelming yourself with all of the things going on in this short amount of time. You can do anything, just not everything and that’s okay.

Some other Women’s Empowerment Podcast episodes on boundaries:

E107: The Holidays are the Boundaries Olympics

E34: 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries

Application for year-round: Whether you are headed into the holiday season or not, you can practice these mindset habits. Make self care, mindfulness, and boundaries a part of your schedule and lifestyle. One thing I do is look at my monthly calendar and see how many events or commitments I’m saying yes to in a month. If I have something every weekend that’s usually too much. If I’m doubling up on events or commitments on the same day in different cities, also too much. If for some reason I “HAVE TO” do a lot in a short amount of time I will schedule self care or white space time before and after busy days. And I will also ask for help when I need it. Delegating comes in handy all year round.

Feeling calm: If feeling calm is your goal, only say yes to events with the people who support this feeling. If your family stresses you out, perhaps you skip an event with them, or limit the amount of time you’re spending with the groups of people that overwhelm you. 

Feeling excited: Seeing your friends and family, dressing up, event invitations might really excite you, the key is not to get overwhelmed with everything going on. Before saying yes to an event ask yourself “does this event excite me? Or Do I want to go to this event?” and if the answer lights you up, then go for it! If something isn’t exciting you, it’s not for you. Staying consistent with your mindset practice can really help you deepen the connection with yourself to truly understand what excites you and what doesn’t.

Feeling Connection: Place as much emphasis on quality connections with people around you. Connect with activities together other than eating such as DIY gifts, playing games, and building relationships with meaningful conversations.

So there you have it! Nine healthy holiday habits to support you in having a smoother, more meaningful holiday season. I would LOVE to know what holiday habits are you practicing this year? Let’s connect on instagram you can find me @vallavignelife

If you’re listening and implementing the actionable habits we talked about today on the show, take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your instagram stories @vallavignelife so I can see what is impacting you and how you are taking action! I want to cheer you on with your healthy habits.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E156: 6 Productivity Solutions You Need to Know

Creative productivity solutions to help you create more time for YOU and the things that bring you joy…

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[00:28] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast - I really want to take this moment to say thank you so much for listening to this show. I know that there are millions of podcasts out there and the fact that you and I are here together means the world to me. I am so grateful for you listening to the show and for your support with this podcast. 

If you’re new to this show, welcome! My name is Valerie and I am a Healthy Habit Mentor and business owner. Each episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast is created to help you become the best version of yourself through conversations and mini trainings on health, wealth, and happiness.

For today’s episode, I’m sharing some of my best practices and tips for productivity, but before we dive into the methods I will share with you today, I want to highlight a very important point. The whole point of being more productive is so that you can have more time for yourself, not more time to do more work. 

I see this all the time, and I do it myself. I have a really productive day and I finish the tasks that need to be done earlier than I thought, and what do I do with the remaining time? I do more work *facepalm* I’m shaking my head right now. This “free time” is for YOU and the things that bring you joy!

Play in nature, admire your plants, paint, stretch, go to a yoga class, lay on the couch and do nothing, try a new recipe, visit a local store you love, spend time with friends and family, journal, plan your dream vacation, literally anything that brings you joy that isn’t also work or part of your task or to do list. 

Now that that is clear and out of the way, let’s discuss productivity. When someone is being productive they are usually creating or producing large amounts of something. 

Consider a time where you felt you were being productive. What were you doing? Where were you? Who were you with? The answers to these questions will be very helpful in understanding the best practices for you.

You see, when it comes to productivity there are many different methods and schools of thought. So for today, I want to share with you what has worked best for me in my own experience, and in the experience of the people I have worked with to get the most done, in the least amount of time so that we have more free time to do the things that bring us joy.

If you’ve listened to this show before, or if you’ve ever worked with me you will know that I like to present creative solutions. I’m all about using what we have, or trying things we’ve done before with an innovative twist! So although some of these solutions might not seem entirely new to you, let’s see if we can try them in a way you might not have considered yet. 

[3:35] Solution Number One: Optimize Your Environment

I’m sure you would agree that writing a 24 page essay is a lot harder to do laying poolside while your friends splash around than if you were writing it at a desk at the library. 

For months I tried to work from my bed or couch with my laptop and it only led to me wasting more time trying to get comfortable, or cleaning up spills from trying to balance smoothies on top of pillows. 

Your environment affects your productivity. Consider the task at hand, and the best place for you to be to get it done. 

I’m not saying I never work from my bed, but I certainly don’t get as much done there. When describing your own experiences with productivity you might use the phrase “I’m in the zone” and although you might also be referring to your mental state, I would bet that your physical outer environment is also playing a role here.

Sunshine and natural lighting literally LIGHT ME UP! I know that I function best in the morning and early afternoon. Which means I’m going to schedule deep work during these times.

The office space I work in allows beautiful natural light to come in so I also have plants in this room. The life of the plants inspires me to work without being too much of a distraction. 

My chair is comfortable, but unlike my bed or the couch, it’s not comfortable enough for me to sleep on. 

Here are some tips for optimizing your own environment: 

• Have a dedicated workspace

• Keep the environment neat and tidy 

• Make sure whatever tools or items you need for work are easily available to you in one place so that you don’t have to search around your home or office for the things you need to get things done

• Make the space sacred with a few inspiring pieces like lighting, plants, special photos, crystals, essential oils, etc.

• Communicate to your family that while you are in this space you are working and need not be interrupted during that time - sometimes this takes a few reminders

[6:02] Solution Number Two: Use a Visual Planner

Seeing your day, your week, and your month at a glance is incredibly beneficial, especially to anyone with a lot of commitments - that’s everyone right?

Your visual planner can be physical or electronic, however in my experience I will definitely say that the electronic planner is the one I’ve had the most success with. It’s organized and colour-coded, it’s incredibly easy to move meetings or events around, and I like that I can share/invite people to the event and they have all the links, details, and updates they need accessible to them. I would go as far as to say the most successful people I know have a very organized and visual planner.

Your planner should show you the day, week, and month at a glance. With an electronic calendar switching between these views is seamless and I don’t have to transfer information to individual pages.

I also sometimes use a physical planner. I love the creative piece to this with doodling and using different highlighters for colours and what not. I find the physical planner is great for content planning, or goal mapping in your life and business. There is also something really powerful about putting pen to paper and getting both the right and left sides of your brain working at the same time.

However, for the day-to-day… my iCalendar is where it’s at!

Here are a few different ways I use my visual electronic calendar:

Colour-coding: blue is for when I’m teaching at the studio or doing studio work. Green is for errands or appointments like visits to the dentist or when I have to pick up dry cleaning, etc. Yellow is for when I’m working with my coach or when I’m doing courses/personal development. Pink is for my workouts or movement practices, Red is for things I am doing at home, washing my hair, plant care things. Hot pink is for my online business, or when I’m working on my business: i.e. content creation, email marketing, podcasting, meetings, etc.

I can see all the colours at once or I can choose to see only one or two colours and see how that particular schedule is.

The colour-coding keeps me organized, but more importantly it helps me with Time Blocking.

Time blocking is your new favourite time management method. If you aren’t already doing this… please keep listening to this episode! Essentially you are dedicating a certain amount of time to specific work or tasks that need to get done. To make time blocking most effective you will want to block your calendar out in advance so that you know what you’re doing for the day/week ahead.

Start by looking at your to-do list and block out the specific times for your most important tasks. Keep in mind how long you think this task might take you, and also the deadline for the work that needs to get done. With the electronic calendar, you can time block the space and say something like “Studio Admin” and in the notes section of this event include more detail such as: emails, voicemails, new client bookings, appointment confirmations. That way when the time comes to do this specific task, you know where to start and what needs to get done.

Time blocking also helps us avoid multitasking. Which is a huge productivity killer. That being said, when time blocking, including space for breaks or for “catch up time” these are usually Friday mornings for me to wrap up the week before the weekend and get things done that I didn’t get to during the week.

If possible, try batching the same work into the same days so that your schedule becomes more habitual each week. As an example, my podcasting time is monday morning, and studio admin time is monday afternoon. Since my Monday through Thursdays are very busy with back to back work, I keep Thursday afternoons open for extra self-care or time with friends. 

When you’re batching work this can also mean:

• Writing out a months worth of emails for your email marketing

• Planning the week’s worth of content for social media 

• Organizing or planning out the week’s meals/grocery list

• Since we’re approaching the holidays, you could batch shop for your presents one day, and the next day you’re batch wrapping. So that you’re not jumping between shopping/wrapping/etc.

A similar practice to batching is creating a theme for your day.

The theme for the days is the same every week. For me, Sundays are my weekly prep day. That means grocery shopping, meal prepping, schedule/calendar organizing, writing out all of the tasks/to-dos. 

If you’re like me and work from a few different places, you can also theme your days with the actual location you are in. For example, on Tuesdays and Thursdays I’m at the studio in the morning. The studio is in Burlington so on those days I will run any errands in that city vs going “out of my way” on the days when I’m not already there.

Theme days can also look like:

• Meeting on Mondays + Wednesdays

• Client work on Tuesdays + Thursdays

• CEO Day on Fridays

Your themes will be dependent on what your day-to-day work looks like, and what you’ve got going on. Also for theme days, these might change for you and perhaps you have theme weeks? Or theme half days like I do!

Batch tasks that are similar so you take time to get into the flow/focused on this specific thing, or similar in physical location if you need to run errands or take meetings.

Theme days of the week or chunks of your day for certain areas of your life/business.

These help save time, and keep you in the zone to stay focused and on task.

[12:37] Solution Number Three: Less is More

I can’t think of anything more detrimental than a massive overwhelming to do list. I cringe thinking of it. I was definitely the person who wrote out crazy to-do lists with tons of items and things that needed to get done, and then I would spend more time stressing over the list vs actually taking action on anything on the list.

To support you in getting the things done, try this 3-part practice:

Step One: Write out everything you have to do into one big master list

Step Two: Eliminate, delegate, automate.

Go through the list and decide what you can eliminate. Do you actually have to do every single item? What can you remove from the list? 

Then go through the list and see what you can delegate? This is a great time to ask for help. Who could do this task, and better yet who could do it better than you?

Lastly, what on the list can you automate? Is there an automated system you can build out in your business to save you time? This could be an autoresponder email, or perhaps your voicemail greeting leaves specific instructions for people calling you. Maybe you subscribe to a weekly grocery delivery or meal prep service.

Step Three: The 3-5 Rule

This is something I created… oh gosh YEARS AGO! You’ve filtered out your massive list with things that only you can do or that have to get done by you. 

Now organize each of the things into mini lists of 3 to 5 things you can do each day. Depending on how long the task takes you can choose 1-3 things for the day. These will be like mini to-do lists that you can organize into each day of the week. 

Your goal is to complete 3-5 things, and that’s it. This eliminates overwhelm, which frees up time and energy to get more done.

So decide what ONE big task/goal you have for that day, or THREE medium goals, or FIVE smaller attainable goals.

I think where I see this challenge the most is when there are a lot of meetings in a day, and when those meetings are unproductive. Make meetings productive: solve problems in these times. Something I learned a lot in my yoga and pilates business is when creating a class there is a structured opening and closing. In my classes they’re about 5-7 minutes and they are the same for every class. Having this for the meetings can be helpful in the clarity of what you’re working on, the problem that needs solving and closing the meeting with next steps.

[15:43] Solution Number Four: Master Your Transitions

I have a few previous podcast episodes on productivity and one of them is all about mastering transitions. 

More Episodes on Productivity:

E07: Mastering Transitions

E115: Mastering Your To Do List

E125: Powerful Productivity Practices

E121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions to Connect You to Your Intuition

E127: 6 Procrastination Stuck Spots and How to Overcome Them

Transitions are the moments between activities, circumstances, and/or interactions throughout the day. These are especially helpful if you don’t have themed days, or when you need to switch tasks often. Regardless of how your calendar is set up, you will be transitioning often in your day.

Take a look at your calendar now, and see how often the colour-coding changes, or how many tasks and meetings and appointments you have coming up. How do you usually move to the next task?

You might not have even considered it before, and that’s okay. Use these little spaces throughout the day to take a breath, to mindfully shift gears. Any time you’re interacting with a new person or new group of people, you want to reset your energy to that person.

If you are interacting with people often then you’ll want to implement regular breaks to ALLOW the space to reset your energy. This goes for introverts and extroverts too.

I find transitions the most important when you’re going from work to home. If you work from home this transition still applies to you, and maybe even more so. Implementing mindful transitions allows you to separate different activities and interactions and keep you focused on the task and hand and in the present moment.

[17:58] Solution Number Five: Constructive Procrastination

I am what one would call a procrastinator. I actually wrote a speech on procrastination in grade 5, and some of my classmates still bring it up. I am also the kind of person who can’t sit still, is not great at relaxing, and hates being unproductive.

So I’ve started to master the art of constructive procrastination. This is when you avoid the work you “should” be doing and fill the time tackling the list of all the other things that need to get done. 

Artful mastery comes when you are procrastinating multiple tasks and you do the things you’ve been avoiding in the past, only to avoid something more immediate. I’ll admit it’s not the BEST practice but it can really work in your favour. 

Here are some tips to support this:

• Keep your master task list handy for times when you’re avoiding work or certain projects

• Set a timer or boundary for how long you can procrastinate for - sounds oxymoronic but if you can do 3 little things or work on something else for 1 hour THEN you can dive right into the thing you’ve been avoiding 

• Complete the tasks that might help you get the avoiding task done. For example, if the project for work is organizing a massive event, consider what needs to get done before the project can start. Perhaps you haven’t started because you’re waiting for venue details, etc.

• Alternatively, do something COMPLETELY unrelated to the task, like reorganizing your kitchen cupboards or finish folding the laundry to get your mind off the task so when you get back to work you can begin with a fresh mind (and a clean house)

• Work in short bursts checking off the boxes for the small tasks to build confidence and momentul and create space so you can do the heavy tasks

In all honesty this isn’t my favourite solution or meant to be “ongoing” just for when we’re struggling with the other solutions.

[20:32] Solution Number Six: Realign Your Boundaries

One of the reasons why we might be overwhelmed is because we’ve said “yes” to more work that we can realistically take on. The work might have also not been something we wanted to do in the first place. Make sure that you aren’t saying “yes” when you really mean “no” - you are not only doing yourself a disservice, but you are also going to waste a lot of time complaining or avoiding the tasks that you didn't want to do in the first place.

Creating boundaries for when you’ll be at work really gets you to focus when you’re in those boundary times. Such as checking emails twice a day, blocking off creative/creation hours in the morning if that works best for you. Scheduling in breaks - and actually taking them… unlike if you were to eat lunch WHILE working. Separate these things.

This could mean closing emails while you’re in creation mode or in meetings. Turning off notifications or devices when work hours are off. I keep my phone on airplane mode when I’m sleeping. I am of help to no one when I am asleep, and I am also unhelpful when I haven’t had a good night's rest.

Another boundary could be that you wait to respond to a request to take on a new task. Reply with a “let me get back to you” and decide once you’ve been able to genuinely digest the information and feel if it’s appropriate for you to take on at this time.

I will say, “thank you so much for thinking of me, this sounds like an amazing opportunity, however I would be doing a disservice to myself if I added something else to my plate right now.” Followed by a time when they could follow up with me again, or a referral to someone else who could be more supportive. More often than not, this response is well received and the response will be something along the lines of “thank you for your honesty and I really respect how you are honouring what you need right now, this is a very helpful reminder, I understand.”

Even for myself I would much rather someone communicate with me that this isn’t the right fit rather than making themselves do something they don’t want to do and then the effort is also not fully there - anyway I digress.

Well there you have it! 6 Productivity Solutions You Need to Know! You are ready to take on the day - NOW TAKE ACTION!

If you found this episode helpful, take a screenshot and share the episode on instagram tagging me @vallavignelife I love seeing how you implement what you’ve learned with which episodes you’re connecting with!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E155: Do Less of this ONE THING and Make More Time for Your Self-Care

To make an impact, you have to swap this detrimental mindset immediately! This quick episode challenges you to shift your perspective so that you can show up as the best version of yourself and make a greater impact in the world…

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[00:29] Hello friends! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. My name is Valerie and I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor. I work with women from all walks of life. I work with mothers, business owners, health care providers, students, coaches, and other women-identifying humans making an impact on the world.

So I can take a WILD guess that you my dear, yes you, have a desire to make a positive change in the world. I will bet that you are a person making an impact on the lives of people who are lucky enough to know you and be in your presence and that you give a lot.

With all of the incredible things you do, people you serve, and impact you are making, I will also be so bold as to say, there are times where you feel burnt out.

Heck, everyone has such busy lives and schedules, how do you cram all the things in? How do you possibly find time for you? Most days it feels like there is not enough time. Would you agree?

[1:35] I could definitely agree. There are days where I feel completely drained, exhausted, at the end of my rope, lazy, and totally BLAH! I couldn’t take action even if I tried. And I think the toughest part is that it takes even longer for me to achieve goals or tasks or make an impact because I am reviving myself AND still trying to do all the things at the same time. And really, the truth is when that is happening, I’m running on fumes. You feel me?

If you’re nodding along, then I’d like to challenge you to do less of this one thing to help you make more time for yourself and your self-care. 

You see, what all of these impactful women have in common when we are doing all the things, burning out, and repeating the cycle again, is our detrimental perspective.

It took me a long time to learn that “we can do anything, just not everything.” I was a “yes person” for a very long time. There are so many reasons why we wrap ourselves up in these identities. Maybe we’re afraid of what people will think of us? Perhaps we aren’t listening to our intuition so we do what others expect of us. Or it could be that we want to be everything for everyone else and aren’t making ourselves a priority.

[3:08] Whatever your reason, I challenge you to change your perspective and prioritize yourself first thing every single day. Before you make any excuses. Before you tell me that it cannot be done. I am saying: I challenge you to prove to me that shifting your perspective on your self-care to this new thought doesn’t give you more time, more energy, more fulfilment in your life. Prove it.

Here’s what I’m talking about: Right now we have the detrimental perspective that we have to do all the things on our to-do list. We tell people that when it comes to our self-care our biggest struggle is finding the time. We feel like we have to cram and force it all into our calendars. We know we should put ourselves first, but when we actually see our priority list… well I’m not seeing our names on it, or it’s at the very bottom of the list.

I said some keywords here that I’d like us to reframe. Did you catch them? They were:

Have to

Finding the time

Cram and force

Should

[4:32] This languaging, this perspective is detrimental. Here’s the swap:

Get to

Create the time

Prioritize and make

Want

We get to do all the things

We can create the time in our calendars

We prioritize and make the time for ourselves

We want to put ourselves first

The detrimental perspective is disempowering. It creates feelings of pain, suffering, obstacles, struggle, and dislike.

The new languaging and perspective is empowering. It encourages feelings of joy, happiness, space, creation, strength, and bliss.

[5:12] Do less of, or completely eliminate that disempowering and detrimental perspective so that you can create more time for yourself. So that you can fill your cup up and then pour onto others. I know the filling the cup analogy is becoming a cliche, but it’s the perfect example and visualization for this.

Imagine an empty glass of water sitting in the middle of your kitchen table. This is you. Your self-care is the water we are pouring into our cup. When we first begin this shift in perspective. When we say “I get to work through my to do list today” We fill our up ¼ of the way. Then we “create time in our calendars” for the things that lift us up aka our self care we fill the cup another ¼ of the way. Our cup is now half full. Next, we put ourselves at the top of the priority list. Cup fills up again. We continue to do these things over and over and over again and the cup is overflowing. Imagine it. Imagine water just pouring into the cup and more water spilling over.

[6:25] Guess where all the extra water goes? To everyone and everything else around us, and the best part… WE AREN’T BURNT OUT! We are OVERFLOWING!

We can give more, do more, love more, create more, show up more, be more when we make this shift in our perspective. When we prioritize ourselves first every day. 

If you think putting yourself last on the list is helping you or helping more people I am bursting that bubble right now. Fill your cup first.

Let this be a reminder to us all - myself included - to make this change and embody this new thought pattern.

You can also share your experience and let me know that you’re doing the challenge over on instagram @vallavignelife I want to know about what action and self-care you are taking to prioritize yourself!

If you’re listening to this episode and thinking of a friend who could also use this powerful mindset shift, you can share it with them and invite them into the challenge also.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E154: 5 Things You beed ti Create a New Habit

Whether you are starting a new habit, replacing an old one, or re-implementing your lost healthy habits, here are the five things you need to create that habit…

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[00:29] Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am your host and healthy habit mentor Valerie Levine. I am very excited today because we are talking about obviously one of my favorite topics which is healthy habits and creating new healthy habits. Now there are so many different ways that we can actually change and transform our current habits or create new habits. However, there are five key things that I want you to really consider when you're developing team habits or when you're changing an old habit or a bad habit. We'll call it into a good habit. Now I want you to think about each of these different things and I want you to think about which of the things you get stuck with or where you feel like you get stuck the most. And when you are re-listening or reading about each of these five things that I'm going to suggest and highly recommend that you incorporate or use to incorporate your new habit into your life. I want you to notice which one is holding you back or which one is your biggest pain point. And then how can you start to overcome this point or how can you start to work with this struggle and use it to talk a little bit more about this as we go on with today's episode. And you know how I am. I like to dive right in.

[02:42] #1 REASON 

Without further ado, let's get into the first thing you need to create a new habit is a reason when it comes to creating your new habit. I want you to define and discover your reason.

Why do you want a new habit? Why do you want to make this change? Why do you want to start something different? Or replace something you already are doing? The answer to these questions the why right because dot dot dot will become the motivation to start your new pattern. Some people call this your “why power” because it's the driving force to keep you moving forward even when you don't want to do the work. But remember your reason reminds you of why the action is so important and gets you back on track. So right now you're going to be listening to this episode and perhaps at the end of the episode you're going to feel incredibly inspired and motivated to take action because that is always my intention for when you're listening to the show. I want you to feel inspired to take action. 

So let's say you do, let's say you feel motivated, you're like yes, I'm ready to change or I'm ready to implement something new. I want to be healthier. I want to feel better. I'm tired of feeling stuck and lazy, and blah And I want to be healthier and feel better. So you are all fired up. Now you're listening to this episode. You're excited you have an idea. You're like yes, I want this. Why? Why do you want this because what's going to happen is you'll start your habits, as we often do, and we get into maybe a little bit of a rhythm, a little bit of a pattern. We're feeling good. We're getting excited. 

And then one day, we're just like, I don't want to or something else comes up and we can't do it when we want to do it and it gets pushed off later in the day. And by the end of the day, you're just so tired, or there's just not enough time or whatever else excuse is coming up for that moment for that habit. And this is where the “why power” comes in. This is where the reason is so important. Because even when you're tired and even when you don't want to, even though when I'm not in your your air pods or not with you at the gym, or in your car or wherever you are right now, you will need your reason and your reason is going to be what drives you forward.

[5:19] #2 HABIT TRIGGER

The second thing you need when creating a new habit is a trigger.

A habit trigger is an event that automatically causes us to complete another habit. It supports our habit, and it also simplifies it and they kind of support and simplify how to go hand in hand. Because when something is simple, it's kind of supports that habit but what it's supportive. It also just happens to be simple which is amazing. The habit trigger sequence or formula is as follows. When this happens, then that follows or when trigger happens. Then habit follows. So here are some examples that I want to share with you. When I make my coffee then I stir in my intention for the day.

When I start my car, then I play a personal development audiobook or podcast when I put my PJs on, then I floss and brush my teeth. 

So think about the things you are already doing every single day. Are you making a smoothie every day? Are you driving to work every day? Do you have a shower every day? Are you going for a walk every day? Are you getting up from bed every day? The answer is probably yes to almost all of those. 

And what I want you to do is see where you can bring your new habit into the things you're already doing. If you want to start taking your supplements, you know that habit triggers when I pour a glass of water in the morning. I take my supplements or when I get out of the shower. Then I set my gym clothes up for after work or for the next morning or whatever it is. So setting yourself up for success is the habit. 

This is going to make it easier because it's already going to start to become automatic just like these other triggers are these other triggers are already automated they're already habits.

[7:53] #3 MICRO HABIT

The third thing you need to create a new habit is a micro habit.

Write this down: small positive actions over time lead to positive change and success.

I'll repeat it one more time. Small positive actions over time will lead to positive change and success. It is so much simpler. Then we make it forget overthinking it. Just take action. Take small actions. What I want you to do right here right now is write down the micro action slash habit that you are taking every day. That brings you closer to your goals. Here's where it's going to change a little bit for each of us. 

The first thing I want you to do is look at your habit. What are you changing? What are you creating? What are you implementing? Can you simplify it? Can you make it easier? Can you make it smaller? Can you make it super simple? I was chatting with a friend of mine who is working on building back her walking habit and her daily walks and she said Val I'm just not doing it the excuses are coming and I know that it's good for me. I'm just not going to walk. I used to walk for an hour. I used to walk for 45 minutes. I used to walk for half an hour and I just wouldn't get up. And I said the next time you tell yourself that you're going for a walk stand up. That's your micro habit. 

Your micro habit is going for a two minute walk instead of an hour walk. Put your shoes on. That's a micro micro habit. Put your shoes on micro habits, your podcasts, micro habits. These are already things we know how to do because they're already things we've done before. Make it super simple. So not only are you going to customize what your action is, but you can make your habit simplified so you can make it even smaller. The other thing that might change for you is that this might be something completely new. 

You are not someone who has gone for walks before so you don't even know really where to start. I mean walking is easy, right? We already are. But how can we make a habit out of this? Well, just like I was saying before, create these tiny little actions to help move the needle forward. So whether that's putting your shoes on at the front door, setting an alarm on your phone for when you're going to stand up, setting a timer for two minutes. Maybe one day, it's planning the walks. The next day, it's preparing for the walks and then on the third day we are actually going to take the walk because often what habit happens is we think of our habit. And then we're like, wait a second. There are so many more things that need to happen before I can actually do this. 

For example, people who want to work out three times a week and they've never been to a gym before they don't even have a membership. Guess what needs to happen before you can workout three times a week. You need to sign up for the gym. 

You need to make sure that your shoes and your clothes are ready. You need to have a plan for when you get there. So a lot of times we overcomplicate it and we make the habit or the goal really big when the simplest thing we can do is create that micro habit.

[10:58] #4 EFFECTIVE PRACTICE

The fourth thing we need when creating a new habit is effective practice. The best, most effective method of practice is the one that you keep doing. Okay. Practicing a new habit is not a one size fits all approach. We all learn, build and perform tasks very differently. For some of us habit stacking is key. For others we need more accountability or perhaps there's something in between here are some bonus tips for effective practice. small chunks bigger action. This is similar to micro habits which we just talked about really breaking things down from that bigger action. The second one is repetition. Repetition, repetition, keep repeating and repeating and repeating the action. And the third one is to be mindful. I'm actually going to talk about all three of these bonus tips near the end of this episode. 

But for now, let's talk a little bit more about what effective practice is: what works for one habit may not work for another. So what I'd like you to do is play and experiment with different ideas and methods that haven't worked for you in the past and see how it goes for your new habit now. 

For example, if you know that what gets scheduled in your calendar is less going to get done and you are going to schedule your habit into your calendar. If you do not use a calendar or a planner. Well guess what? You're not going to be doing that. Maybe you are someone who needs someone else to text them and say hey, let's go for that block or Hey, Did you brush your teeth and floss today? Or hey, did you eat your healthy meal in the morning? Whatever your unhealthy habit is. 

Perhaps you need that accountability. So perhaps there is an accountability buddy or friend you can message to say, Would you mind helping me with this? I could really use your support. I need you to text me every day this time to do that. Or perhaps it's just setting an alarm on your phone with the label of do the thing you said you were going to do do and then XYZ to healthy habits.

When you look at the strategies or the practices or the methods that have worked before, I want you to be really open minded to the fact that again, it might not be the same for each of your habits. And you might find that there is this really amazing kind of opportunity or space for you to explore and try different things. I tried reading in the middle of the day and it just was not working for me. I was very inconsistent with this. And what I noticed was it's inconsistent because my Monday through Friday isn't the same but I can make every Monday and I can make every Tuesday the same and I can make every Wednesday the same so I adjusted when I scheduled something into my calendar. Now ideally, if you really want to build this habit quickly, those is like an extra bonus that I was planning on sharing today.

If you really want to make this habit quicker and more automated, do it every single day at the exact same time because your body and your physical body will start to create these neuro pathways and you will naturally start to do the thing. Because it's at the same time every day. Okay, so that's helpful, but it doesn't have to be that the reason why I don't talk about that that much is because I feel like it discourages people such as myself who have very different day to day lives.

But if you can manage it, then I would definitely recommend it.

[14:58] #5 AN ACTION PLAN 

The fifth thing you need and habit forming is a plan and actually, I'm going to add to that you need a plan of action. The plan itself needs to be specific, attainable and also flexible. The plan needs to make sense for you. It needs to inspire you, as well as challenge you. Most importantly the plan needs to be actionable. Can you start that and underline that in bold that.

You want a new habit. What's your plan? Right What are you going to be doing every single day? What are the action steps that you are going to be taking? Even if there are teeny tiny little steps forward we do not need to take leaps and bounds right away. We are breaking it down those micro habits what are those micro steps?

Because we are creating a plan. I would like your plan to be as specific as possible meaning you're going to write down day one. Make a playlist day to make a workout plan day two, day three I set out my workout clothes. The attainable part should be very simple. You know how I don't like to say should but it can be very simple. When we are specific and talking about those simplified micro habits. The reason why I added flexible here has a lot to do with a we're gonna talk about soon mindfulness, but allowing the plan to change and ebb and flow as it needs to because remember, we're not sure what's the best best method for us with this specific habit yet, so we need to learn about what that is for us. Maybe it's simplifying it even more.

Now, the plan needs to make sense to you. Okay, I get this all the time. Val. I want to work out at six o'clock every morning. And I'm like, great. What time do you normally get up back? Oh, well, you know, I usually sleep until like eight, like, okay, so you're not working out and you don't like waking up at six in the morning. I'm gonna tell you right here and right now. This plan is destined for failure at this time. Not that you can't get there. Just like it's not a great attainable plan in the beginning. Okay. But you also want your plan to inspire you. So perhaps you're already working out in the morning but you want to get up a little bit earlier. Well, can you set your alarm earlier and it challenges you? What would you do if you had an extra 15 minutes every morning before work? What would you do if you were able to exercise 30 minutes earlier every day? What base are you creating? What time are you creating? What life are you creating? But then also that little bit of a challenge so were waking up maybe five minutes earlier? 10 minutes earlier? 15 minutes earlier, and we're building up on that.

Again, the most important thing no matter what plan you are creating for yourself needs to be actionable. What is your plan there, your action steps?

[18:16] Bonus Tip #1: REPETITION

Oh boy. Alright. So the five things that you need to create a habit. Here are those three bonus tips explained: a little bit more effective practice requires repetition. Do something again and again and again, to make it a habit. It sounds simple, but why is it so hard for us to do? It's usually pretty difficult because it requires time and also because we are physically changing neural pathways. in our brain.

When we make these changes, our brain and our body start to panic, even if the change is small. Even if we know the change is for the better. So how do we get over this panic? We do the action again. And again. We keep doing it until it becomes habitual with your body and your mind. I see this all the time with new clients to the studio who have never done Pilates before or have never done reformer Pilates which is using equipment or machines that at first glance looks very intimidating. The first time I saw the machine I was not sure what was going on. I did not know anything about how to use it. But now I have been on it so many times I've used it so many times that I am comfortable getting on the machine I'm comfortable if a teacher is putting me in a new position and telling me to do a new exercise because I understand the machine I understand my body and how my body works on this machine. But when it's new the body gets tense the body starts to pull away the body starts to do strange things to say no no, no, this is not for us. I don't know what this is. I'm keeping you safe. We're going to stay on the couch versus going to Pilates. Okay. So just know that there are going to be things that come up the feeling of maybe a little jitters or excitement or anxiety or panic or whatever that is for you. However, that's manifesting for you. But just know that you are Oh K going for a daily walk eating a healthier meal.

​​You know creating healthy boundaries or finding time for mindful transitions in your day. These are all so supportive for your health and your wellness and we know it is we know what we're supposed to be doing. We know that these are incredibly beneficial tools to elevating our health and our wealth and our happiness. We just have to keep doing it. This is why action is so important. Can we not talk about this more and more and more.

[20:58] Bonus Tip #2: SMALL CHUNKS, BIGGER ACTION

Okay, our bonus tip number two for creating a new habit are the smaller chunks of the bigger action. So remember, we're outlining our dream or desire our goal and what you want to do is you want to make sure it's yours because this is where that “why power” is very important. When it's your dream, not anyone else's. You are able to define it clearly. You know your desire and it's gonna fuel you with that “why power” because it's yours. You want it for your reasons. This is important. Once you have this dream or desire, break it down into smaller goals or milestones. You can do this by reverse engineering the tree then break each of those goals down into smaller steps or small chunks. Because the small chunks will lead you to the bigger action of those micro habits. The smaller the better. Each time you complete one of these actions. You are checking off a box. You are increasing your confidence, you are increasing your ability to do amazing things and to make change. Then once you've outlined each of these little micro actions or micro habits, you can take it one step at a time. And really what I mean is just start with one. Don't worry about anything else. Your only focus is the one step. Then once that's done, the box is checked. Then look at step two.

Make starting a new habit as simple as possible. Okay, we're really like I want to say super small chunks, we're really breaking it down. So for example, if you want to have a daily reading habit, choose a book as a micro habit. Set a time in your calendar to read every day.

Put the book somewhere you'll sit and read it. Remove distractions. Read 10 or more pages a day. I'm saying these as a list because I want them to be really one except maybe it's broken up by each day.

[23:10] Bonus Tip #3: MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness is such a big part of forming a new habit. When you are creating a new habit, especially if it's something you haven't done before, or you are replacing an old habit.

You want to be the observer you want to notice without judgment what your body is doing, what your mind is thinking and saying how you are acting or reacting to these changes. Perhaps it's the physical, mental or emotional changes. You're noticing the hood of those emotional roadblocks of oh, I can't do this. I'm not good enough for imposter syndrome. 

Or they're just excuses that will come up for you. And everyone will be a little bit different. However, it might also be what I was mentioning before where you know, it doesn't quite fit in the schedule. Or perhaps you'll find that you need more accountability and if you're listening to this episode, and you are thinking oh my goodness gracious, I need all the help I can get. I am really ready to invest in myself and make a change. 

Then I love to invite you into my Make a Habit Mentorship Program, which is an exclusive one on one customized and personal mentorship experience. It helps you build and stick to your habits and routines. The program works over four weeks with weekly check ins and accountability between the sessions. This is for you if you are ready to get out of those lazy patterns, get out of feeling blah and get into your best version of yourself. It's for you if you already are ready to elevate your health and wellness you are ready to take action and consistent action. 

Right we How often are we stopped and we just need to overcome those limiting beliefs. And how I like to describe this coaching with myself is that I help shine the light on the exact habits, the exact patterns, the exact micro habits that we need to be focusing on together. And that accountability is really going to propel you forward because guess what? It's not just for you. It's not just your time. 

You are now inviting someone else into this journey with you into this transformation with you and I am here to be your mirror to be your support to hold you accountable to the things you've always wanted to do to create a life you've always wanted. To live and feel healthier feels good again in your body.

Instagram @vallavignelife

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E153: Syncing Your Self-Care with the Moon Cycle

Amplify and elevate your self-care routines into powerful rituals using the energy of the eight phases of the moon cycle…

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[1:44] What is Self Care

• Self-care comes in many different forms. In some of the earlier episodes of the podcast I talk about simple, and not so simple self-care practices:

E16: Ten Simple Self-Care Practices

E17: Ten Not-so-SImple Self-Care Practices

• Today we’ll be talking about our different wellness routines and regimens, the simple self-care and I’ll sprinkle in some of the not so simple self-care also. 

• At its very core, self-care is whatever fills our cups. It elevates our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirit. When our cup or our energy is full, we are able to pour into others. Ideally we can aim to fill our cups so much that we are overflowing our elevated energy onto others.

• This allows us to remain full while we give, and it allows us to give more

• Since each and every one of us is wildly unique, I will offer a variety of self-care ideas and rituals throughout the episode. These could be practices you already have, or perhaps ones you’d like to try. You can also listen for where you’d like to include some of your very own unique routines into the lunar phases - more on this very soon!

• Before we get into the details, I’d like to invite you to follow me on instagram and connect with me more there. You can find me @vallavignelife Share your self-care practices with me in the DMs or comments, I would love to get to know you more.

[6:15] The Lunar Phases

• If you’re already in the instagram community, or if you’ve been listening to the show for a while, you might already know that as practical and logistical as I am I LOVE astrology and following the lunar phases, pulling oracle cards, and the Woo life! I am here for the woo!

• Which is why today I am combing some practical routines, with one of nature's most powerful cycles: the moon phases

• The moon or lunar cycle is about 28-30 days and contains 8 phases: new moon, waxing crescent, first quarter, waxing gibbous, full moon, waning gibbous, the last quarter moon, and waning crescent moon.

• These 8 phases can be most obviously tracked by the shape of the moon that you see (on a clear night) The day after this podcast is released is a New Moon sometimes called Dark Moon and it is when you don’t see the moon in the sky at all! 

• Not only does the moon affect how we see it, but it’s also affecting how we feel. The moon has a magnetic pull on the Earth which changes the tides. The human body is made up of more than 75% water, which means we’re being magnetically pulled too!

• For each of the lunar phases I will explain what this phase typically means, examples of self-care best suited for this phase, and also a few ways you can elevate or amplify this to make it more of a ritual.

[11:54] New Moon

The new moon, as I mentioned, is when the sky is dark and we won’t see the moon. Think of this as a blank slate for us to create a vision for our lives (or at least for the next 28-30 days). This is a very quiet, gentle part of the moon phase and is excellent for planting the seeds of our dreams, connecting to our intuition and inner wisdom, and starting something new.

Now is the time to journal your goals and intentions. These can be one, six, or twelve month intentions and goals. 

This is also a really great time to rest and spend some time alone. The moon’s energy is mirroring for us to slow down, hide like the hermit and take much care. Avoid extra tasks and overwhelm. Prioritize rest and time alone or at home. 

To elevate your intention setting journaling ritual, write down everything intention, goal, or manifestation in your journal. Then, go through each item on your list and envision you having it NOW. Embody the feelings of what this would be like if this intention were happening to you in the present, or had already happened to you and feel it in your entire body and being. Bring this manifestation into the present moment using your visualization and follow it with gratitude. Say, feel, or experience yourself being grateful for that goal coming into fruition for you.

[15:04] Waxing Crescent

This part of the moon phase is when you start to see the shape of the moon appearing in a crescent or sliver. Almost like the moon is peeking out from behind the darkness. As the light of the moon grows, imagine your confidence also starting to shine.

The self-care practices you want to emphasise in this phase are confidence boosting rituals. These will help set your intentions into motion. Write down a positive affirmation about yourself and your intention together. 

For example, if your intention is to attract money into your life, your affirmation could be: “I am abundant” or “I am a money magnet” You can write this down several times in your journal, or make a cute wallpaper for your phone so you see it every day. Write it on a sticky note or two or three and place them around your house or in your car, or on your desk where you will be reminded of the affirmation. 

To elevate this ritual take note of times where your intention is coming to light in small ways, using the example you might find a dime on the ground, or maybe a stranger picked up your tab at the starbucks drive through. 

Some other ways to boost confidence are to wear your favourite clothes, do your hair or make up if that makes you feel good, and surround yourself with people who lift you up, not pull you down.

[17:29] First Quarter

This moon phase is when the moon looks like the shape of the letter D. As the moon shines more light, you want to keep taking more action. Energy is building and we need to be here for it. Taking action is the only way we’re going to get the results we want when it comes to our goals and intentions.

This is also where people tend to get the must stuck. Doing “the work” as I call it, or taking action, comes with its challenges. Obstacles may arise so self-care practices that involve mindfulness and personal development are great to build in this phase.

Think meditation, breath-work, yoga, any form of movement to shake out tension or resistance. This would also be a perfect time to revisit your favourite personal development books or podcasts to help motivate and inspire you to stay on track with your goals. Depending on your intention/goal you might have a book or poem that really resonates with you. 

For our abundance example some of my favourites are:

Think and Grow Rich

Secrets of a Millionaire Mind

The Science of Getting Rich

Elevate this ritual by including some forgiveness into your day as you are growing and evolving and you need all the compassion for the action you are taking and the work you are doing. It’s uncomfortable at times, but it means you are growing. It’s okay if you’re in the messy middle of it. Deep breaths.

[19:36] Waxing Gibbous

The waxing gibbous phase is when the moon is almost at its fullest. Almost. There is definitely more energy in this phase as the moon is brighter. 

In combination with physical self-care practices like working out, or dancing, or moving your body more - incorporate more of that physical self-love.  Consider acupuncture, massage, booking an osteo appointment, or a fascial stretch. If your physical body needs less attention, maybe you’ll prefer a delicious meal, or time out with friends. 

Elevate this ritual by turning off devices and distractions. Setting firm boundaries about when you will be replying to emails - definitely NOT during your massage!

[21:31] Full Moon

This is probably the most well-known phase of the moon cycle and when people feel the effects of the moon the most. The moon is its fullest and brightest and we are at the height of the lunar energy or the climax of the cycle. This is the time for a check-in. Think of it as the time where everything is illuminated and you can see all the pieces of the puzzle now, no secrets.

Use this time to stop and take note of all you’ve done thus far. Honour yourself for the action you’ve taken, the efforts you’ve made and how far you’ve come. A perfect ritual for this part of the lunar cycle is a moon bath. 

Elevate this ritual with a rose quartz crystal to open up the heart chakra, 5-10 drops of lavender essential oil for relaxation and calming, 2 cups of epsom salts for easing the tension in the body and mind, and 1 cup of baking soda for detoxing and letting go.

If you don’t have a bathtub, you can mix the ingredients in a bowl and pour it over your shoulders in the show and keep the crystal close by.

You might be noticing more of your intentions coming into fruition now, and perhaps you have not. Regardless of the outcome of your actions, release all limiting beliefs, expectations, or trying to figure out the “how” of it all happening. Instead, focus on celebrating the work you’ve done and the leaps you’ve made toward your goal.

[23:53] Waning Gibbous

While the moon is not technically full, it still has some energy and light left in it during this phase. Most people feel the effects of the full moon days later, and this is the waning gibbous moon.

It’s time to clear out the energy in your physical space. What is no longer serving you must go! Declutter your home or office. Donate clothing, clear out photos on your phone or documents in your Google Drive that you no longer need. Don’t be shy to let things go, they are of the past. The more you can let go, the lighter you will be, and the more space you are creating for (like our example abundance) to flow!

Elevate this ritual by physically opening windows and letting fresh air and sunlight into your space if possible. This helps get rid of stale energy. Clear out places maybe you hadn’t thought of like cleaning out your bag, wallet, or glove box of your car. Also - I’ll say it… toxic relationships or people. Tasks that have been on your to do list for far too long, and anything else that you no longer want in your life.

[25:15] Last Quarter

The moon begins to appear smaller and smaller in the sky. Your actions continue, however this is a wonderful time to shower yourself with gifts of gratitude.

What self-care practices would help you feel rewarded for your efforts? Buying yourself a small gift? Buying a new pair of shoes? Maybe getting your hair or nails done? Anything that celebrates and honours your hard work and effort that makes you feel great about yourself!

Elevate this routine by sharing the excitement with a friend OR writing a gratitude note to yourself with the details of how far you’ve come.

[26:03] Waning Crescent

This is the final phase of the lunar cycle, if you haven’t already detoxed your home or body, it’s time to get the massage, have another epsom salt bath and decompress. The energy of the moon is slowing down, as is it’s light.

This is a great time to reconnect to nature and practice self-care such as grounding (walking barefoot in the grass), going for a hike, swimming in the lake, or laying out in the sun. 

Elevate this ritual by incorporating nature into your daily self-care routines. For example: 

• Drink your morning coffee while you water the plants in your home

• Journal outside

• Walk to your favourite lunch spot

• Include more essential oils into your evening routine

• While you’re shopping for healthy food for the week, pick up some fresh flowers

The moon cycle repeats again with the new moon.

Depending on when you’re listening to this episode you might not be in the new moon phase, and know that that is perfect alright! You can start at any point in the cycle. 

Let’s connect on instagram! @vallavignelife 

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E151: Creating Lasting Change Through Cold Therapy with Ashley Orr

Meet Ashley: breathwork and meditation facilitator, and certified level 2 Wim Hof Method instructor. In this episode Ashley shares how cold therapy created powerful lasting change in her life, and how she teaches others to cultivate that same positive transformation…

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[1:52] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to welcome a new guest to the show. Ashley Orr. Ashley overcame PTSD with the power of breath, and the cold, which led her to become one of Canada's first Wim Hof Method instructors, she wrote meditation and breathwork practices for modules for Athabaskan university through the techniques of breath and connection. Ashley creates experiences that help others heal, grow, and be assigned. This sounds so incredible Ashley, welcome to the show. I have been very excited to interview you today. 

Ashley Orr: Thank you so much, it is so great to be here.

VL: You know I have been, for lack of a better term, kind of following and stalking you on Instagram, which I love seeing all of the fun retreats and events and workshops that you put together and to be honest, it's like, it's a bit thrilling for me to watch because I'm, I'm seeing all of these people and women like going into these giant tubs of ice water, these ice baths, and I'm looking at it like I'm holding my breath because I'm just feeling the cold without even having to be there and thinking, I really want to do this, but it terrifies me. Do you hear that a lot from people?

AO: I actually do so that's a perfectly normal and regular response to the cold whenever I bring it up, and I actually didn't always love the cold either. I wasn't fond of going out into open water, or exploring nature. I really enjoyed those man made pools in 85 degrees or higher. So, yeah, definitely the cold was a new thing that I was introduced to a few years ago, and it's changed my life in the exact same resistance as you too, But that's where the growth is to.

VL: Oh absolutely and this is something that is a pretty big focus of the podcast is this transformation, and it's getting uncomfortable, and this opportunity to grow is it's not usually it's not usually a warm hot tub, it's, it's usually like the ice bath if we're going to use it as a metaphor. So, because you're the first Wim Hof Method instructor that I've interviewed for the podcast, could you share a little bit more about who Wim Hof is, and what is the method all about?

[4:28] AO: Wim Hof is an extreme athlete, he's from the Netherlands and he actually has over 26 world records. Now he found the cold when he was suffering from pain from his white, staff, and developed this method to overcome obstacles to grow, heal and become happier, healthier people. So the method is compiled into three main pillars: we dip into breathwork cold exposure and mindset techniques. It's a really interesting method because you get immediate results and that's why I was so drawn to it.

VL: That sounds really fascinating. So, what are the immediate results you speak of?

AO: Right away I noticed that my inflammation was lower, and any pain that I had within my body. It releases feel good chemicals when being oxytocin. So oxytocin is a bonding chemical, so not only if you experience the practice with others, you feel more connected to others. So you can think about team members, family members, partners doing the Wim Hof Method together and connecting stronger, but also it connects you to your higher self.

So that was a beautiful thing, it increases our cellular production, reduces stress and anxiety, helps with addiction, strengthens the connection with community, strengthens your mental alertness, creates energy and improves your sleep. I could literally go on forever because I keep on tapping new things that the Wim Hof Method is teaching me and showing me.

VL:  That is so incredible. I feel like, you know you're listing all these things and I can I can pick one or two that would definitely resonate with me, and support my, my goals and my health and then I'm thinking well yeah this list is going on like, Who Wouldn't this serve there anyone that you you recommend not doing cold therapy?

[6:34] AO: I recommend consulting with your doctor if you have any heart conditions First, before starting the method.

VL:  Okay, perfect. Oh, I'm so excited about all of this again, it's like, whenever I am really scared of something in this way where there's this curiosity I feel like this is my intuition, kind of nudging me into this direction of taking this. This ice bath so is it possible for you to kind of walk us through this scenario like assume that I've never done this before and I'm coming to you, and you've got the bath ready. What’s next?

AO: For sure, so I create a very warm, welcoming trusting environment. And we gather, and I actually take you through amazing breathwork techniques before we go into any water. I go through three different techniques where you can manage your stress, control your nervous system, and learn how the breath can either be a gas pedal or a brake. So that's the first thing that he learned, then we actually went through the ice bath, and our minds. So the practice of visualization is so powerful in between those times I'm really building trust with you. So you go into the ice bath and know that you're completely supported by myself and those around you.

Then I will teach you the little tools that are important to make the ice bath not a traumatic experience. I don't know if you've seen any YouTube videos of people going into the ice but especially the athletes, they seem to be having a really hard time on the ice. So the main thing to focus on is your breath, and I teach you a technique to extend your exhale, that takes you into your parasympathetic dominance, so that's your more relaxed, relaxing, rest and digest state. And then you go into the ice for two minutes and 20 seconds for the first time. I teach all about how the first minute is all about the mind and body trying to make itself, comfortable, and get out of this comfortable place, but there's also the moment of growth. So when we push that past the resistance, that's where all the inner strength comes from. And then you get to attack that at any time throughout the rest of your life. It's so cool because when you're in the ice bath time bends in a different way. I call it a mini vacation because not only are you resetting your body when you're setting your mind because.

Because literally all you can think about is your breath. So the lists go away. The Drama goes away, the news goes away. Everything else melts in the ice and you're the most present you've ever been, and it's really beautiful.

VL: Nodding along like yes, this is what I need and this is definitely that. And it just becoming a little bit more of a shove. A shove of your direction. And I need to know what is the significance of the two minutes and 20 seconds. I feel like that's very specific.

AO: Yes, so that's as long as you need in the ice water to reap physical benefits. So there's studies that show, you know, by lowering inflammation and lowering cortisol levels, your energy will be up for the rest of the week. I actually put in a group of co-workers for my company and the ice bath together last night. So not only did they strengthen their connection through the carpet they did something hard together which really bonded them, and I can't wait to see how their sleep was last night because they were buzzing and just so happy, and really just full of joy and excitement, so it was a really cool experience. 

VL: That sounds great. I mean, you mentioned the connection and I just thought like community team building would be such a great kind of a fun and scary way to connect with the team so I'm so glad that you said that you facilitated this group that's so incredible. And, I mean you spoke about the colors of the method and about different areas of class, I know that we try to really briefly, that you teach kind of three things about our breath, that can change the way that we respond to stress and experience like, is this something that we can use outside of the cold as well?

AO: 100% Yeah, it's so beautiful. Once you learn that you can respond based on your breath, and really control your nervous system. It just opens the doors to so much more experience and freedom. I know that I used to come from a very reactive state, I was stuck in character and sympathetic, for a long time, and I wasn't giving myself the time to respond effectively.

So there's three things. So there's three things that we can change about our breath right away. 

VL: Yeah! Let’s do it!

AO: Okay, yes. So put your hand on your chest, and then one on your belly, and just breathe as normal as you can, even though I told you to breathe normally.

So the first thing that we can change about our breath is the passageway. So notice if your breath is coming in through the nose, or in through the mouth.

If you suffer from neck, shoulder aches and headaches. It could be because you breathe through your mouth. If you're waking up after a night's sleep, feeling unrested, it could simply be just because you're breathing with your mouth. If you're feeling bloated, irritable, that could be because of mouth breathing as well. Most breathing tends to be really shallow and into the chest. Now when we breathe through our nose, we access something called nitric oxide and actually carries the oxygen to our vital organs and tissues, makes us feel rested, energized, gives us a boost of energy. The nose is actually built for breathing.

It was a big mouth breather for a very long time, and I thought that I couldn't switch over, Because you know my nose would feel clogged or stuck duck but the more we engage breath through the nose, the more the tissues open up the nose is beautiful for breath, also because it warms up the breath, the lungs are wet tissue so you want to practice the breath before it comes in. So there's so many benefits about breathing through the nose, and also comes in slower and it usually ends up in our bellies, which is the next thing that I can teach you to change your breath. So is your breath in your chest or is it in your belly?

When we breathe, our chest is usually shallow and rapid. If you notice when you're frightened, scared or stressed, what do we do, we kind of hold our breath. Yeah, exactly. And what does that create that calculation for now so we're taxing on your body so you're giving your body stress on top of an already stressful situation. The easiest way to guide your breath to your belly is just placing your hand on your lower belly and breathing into your hands. And just like any exercise or muscle, it takes a little bit of work to engage it, but the more you do it, the easier it will be to engage. And we know there's so many benefits of diaphragmatic breathing that slow down the breath. When we breathe to our center, we become more center.

And then I talk about inhaling the exhale, which is longer? Which is shorter? If your exhale is longer than your inhale, and I teach the exact same thing in the ice bath, you're going to be in your parasympathetic dominance, right, that's our rest and digest. It's very important for us to get there because that's how we absorb nutrients and vitamins. If we're eating, and we're stressed. We're not going to absorb those nutrients, so we really need to take some time. Slow down the breath, breathe through the nose, send it down to the valley. And one of the techniques that I like to use, especially after or before speaking engagements or when I'm stressed, is you can take an inhale 234 exhale, two, three, or by.

Inhale, 234 exhale 234 by six want to inhale again for four, and then push your exhale out to seven, and keep on climbing until you get to 10. I promise. After two rounds of that, which takes less than two minutes, you will feel your nervous system and body relaxed.

[16:01] VL: I already feel very much more relaxed. I was a little bit tense before our call this morning. But yeah, this feels really nice. And also just noticing, even through my belly. I feel constriction in my breath. And both the inhalation and the exhalation so just even bringing awareness to it right at the beginning I was like, Oh, I'm not doing. I'm not allowing the space that I actually have the capacity that I could breathe into.

AO: Intention is the first step. I mean we breathe over 20,000 times a day and spend little attention to it. So the day I found my breath. And then I could control it, and then my experiences, was the day that the game completely changed. And that was the day that I first attended my first workshop of the Wim Hof Method.

VL: It's so incredible. It's so amazing that you. I mean I don't know where you were exactly in your life and last time and perhaps you want to share that with us but to go to an event that or will this workshop, changed your life, so much so that you've now have pretty much dedicated your life to teaching this means that is. That's something that like when I started I recognize it as like this and it completely transformed, who you would describe yourself as before learning this so, I mean, even not not even experiencing it, that story alone has me more curious has been more excited to try it, even though it's like I said, like I keep saying it seems a little scary, but the breathing techniques you just taught and the changes are there, they're accessible they're attainable right now, they're immediate, so I can, I can see how this would be so I guess beneficial, someone who maybe hasn't brought awareness or hasn't been intentional about their breath.

[18:32] AO: Very powerful. Completely life changing my story kind of started when I was 18 I was headed for a really bright future. I was in college, really making changes, you know, based on my future and what I wanted to get out of it. I ended up breaking up with a guy that was a little older and just not serving me.

Unfortunately, a couple months later he actually broke into my parents home. He attacked me. There was a sexual assault. He tied me up, told me that I wasn't going to live that day, and also told me that they weren't going to find my body. So after that I was in reactive mode. My whole body and system was in the fight or flight. And then I chased that because it started becoming very comfortable, so it didn't end there. I followed people that were abusive to me but it didn't happen right away. They introduced alcohol and substances. I learned how to mask pain, how to hide it deep inside, so for about 15 years I had substance problems and relationship problems, I couldn't keep a job. I couldn't get my money properly because I was in such a risk laden flight.

So through the Wim Hof Method. That's when the healing really started, that's when I was in control of my body again. The first time that I was in the ice bath. I found a connection to my body that I had never felt since then.

[19:49] VL: My goodness, but that is a very powerful story and thank you so much for, for sharing that with us today that I mean I want to take a deep breath for you and just acknowledge the strength and the courage and the vulnerability that it takes to, to move out of that. learn, comfort, and trauma and stress into something so much more supportive for your, your, your life and your growth, and I'm so happy to hear that you found the thing to help you heal and reconnect to yourself. That's amazing, were you introduced to Wim Hof as like from a friend or just how did you stumble upon it seems so random, giving the trajectory of events that you explained.

AO: Yeah, yeah it is super random. I mean, I was in the corporate world, before I got into this amazing world, and I was only, you know, as valuable as the numbers I put out that day, or what I would sell. And I was surrounding myself with people that just didn't serve me or take care of me, or even care for me. So I started on it and kind of an inward journey by myself really listening to my voice following my intuition, what was that voice and what was it saying, and learned about energy. So I received a Reiki treatment, and something just pulled me. I started googling what Reiki is, where I can get in and Hamilton. We found this amazing lady. She taught me about energy and how we store it, but also how we can move it. So, through breath work we move stagnant air energy and emotion. It's an actual purge, so that's when things started flowing for me. Then I ended up at the salt caves. It was a beautiful healing studio; it's a replica of the Polish salt mines. And it was the grand opening. And a gentleman that I just met, he ran sensory deprivation tanks in a studio downtown told me all about Wim Hof, and we started talking about plant medicine, and all these other modalities that can spark something inside of me. I remember my eyes just why with excitement and curiosity. So that year I was 33. That was like the year of awakening for me, Reiki plant medicine. I hooked up with a voice actor and we did some voice I'm tapping, then the Wim Hof Method appeared and so I didn't know much about it, it was almost five years ago there wasn't a lot of information. There was, however, that Joe Rogan podcast that everybody has met Wim Hof through, and I just signed up, I signed up for something new. It was mainly a male influenced course, You know, but that's kind of his male influence for a few years going through the training and everything and that's why it's so cool to be on here today talking about the men Path Method. Having my ladies night that I have weekly taking them through the method.

So it wasn't just one thing that sparked but it was a few things that led me to the Wim Hof Method.

VL: WOW! I am welling up with tears. Usually I'm not the one getting emotional. I just feel so inspired and empowered about the story how like, you're following that exact curiosity that I've been trying to describe to you about how I feel about you what you offer and you're and how I've been following you and watching your your offerings and I feel like it's so important to have this community and I love that you're, you know you're using the messaging you're introducing it in a way that does bring this entity and this the safe space for women to come together and to do the technique because. And, I mean, as you can imagine on the show we do talk a lot about, You know, mainly it's women's empowerment, even though there are both men and women who have listened to this show, but really tapping into this, this feminine and the divine feminine femininity, so it's incredibly wonderful and just refreshing to hear that you're doing this, and I again I'm so glad that you that you were pulled to to try something new and get out of your comfort zone and really, really be with that discomfort, so I mean your story is powerful but my question for you is for people such as myself who are curious and are terrified and want to to try something new and maybe it's not an ice bath, maybe it's just something that they've heard of, what would you say to them?

AO: Follow the things that make your heartbeat that make your heart beat faster. That's the indication, just follow that every time I do something out of my comfort so I have the courage to do something else out of my comfort. And that's kind of why I love cold showers, actually. So there's so many ways that we can experience cold exposure. You don't have to fill up a huge tank full of ice and submerge yourself. You can start by maybe turning the cold, the shower too cold for your last 30 seconds of your shower, then building up. Maybe it's just peeling back layers, you know, not putting on that coat when you feel cold, stimulating the hypothalamus, that's the part of the brain that responds to environmental stressors, but also to mental and emotional stressors. So literally, when we go out into the cold, we're strengthening that part of the brain to adapt to other sponsors as well. So lean into the things that cause your curiosity.

The coolest thing about a cold shower is when you leave the cold shower. You've already overcome an obstacle, early in the day. So what are you going to do for the rest of the day, you're going to take risks. Maybe it's a hard conversation. Maybe it's applying for a new job, maybe it's quitting the job that you feel stuck in somehow there's that untapped wisdom that comes out when we do hard things.

[26:36] VL: Maybe it's applying for a new job, maybe it's quitting the job that you feel stuck in. Somehow there's that untapped wisdom that comes out when we do hard things. Oh my goodness this is so cool and I have done it. I don't even know if it's 30 seconds but I have before, changed the, the top in the shower to really cool, before I get out of the shower, I find it just like really invigorating and energizing in the morning but now I now I'm even more drawn to it because I'm like yes I want to be able to overcome something, and then that expands into the next part of my day, or whatever the challenge that arises, it's definitely confidence to say you can definitely see that. Wow. And what are some other ways that we can experience a cold exposure shape, so you said not putting on a jacket is so we live in Canada. There's snow here for a lot of the year, can we use the snow in some way?

AO: In so many ways we are so lucky to live up here, I mean once you start enjoying the cold, you have a brand new half of a year that opens up, right, like I used to be very inside all winter. Now I love summer, but I can't wait till winter appears again, because there's so much that we can play in and do Sarah actually a mutual friend of ours, loves cold exposure and just going out, when she has her coffee out into the cold, so we can do snow angels in the cold, we can do, you know, limited clothing hikes, and our master module for Wim Hof and in Poland, we actually take people up a mountain in the middle of the winter in their shorts.

E131: How to Incorporate Mindfulness Daily with Sarah Sturino

So there's tons of ways to experience that. But yeah definitely peel back the layers barefooting is an amazing way to stimulate all the receptors in our feet feel invigorated lower inflammation experience.

And I think there's something that comes from the phrase, chill out, because literally the cold just makes you chill out. It's such a beautiful grounding tool.

VL: Wow, that's so cool, it does - no pun intended, it sounds very cool and I love that you said, chill out, I never really thought about what came from that expression came from.

All of these sound, so amazing and definitely attainable. So I know that you are local to me so people who are listening.

AO: I go everywhere. I have a tank and travel, mainly right now Southern Ontario because of the restrictions. So I do travel, you know, hours away either private sessions, I have workshops throughout the province. I do one on ones I have weekly ice baths on Tuesdays, as well as Thursdays, so there's lots of ways to enjoy the cold and connect with cool people. And yeah, I just love to meet new people, so definitely come out please. 

Ashley’s Instagram: @iceplunge.ash

Ashley’s Website: www.AshelyOrr.com

VL: ​​So, maybe someone's listening to this and thinking, I feel really cold, or I feel really, I've done this before. I've heard of it before I want to go and do, let's say they want to, you know, go on a similar journey as you and become a Wim Hof Method instructor. What is this training called and how do we find the right one for us?

AO: You can go to www.wimhofmethod.com It lists all the amazing workshops, there's a free app also all our instructors but also information on how to get started with the academy. When I started with my training. It started with a 10 week online course. And then you're invited to a two day mass advanced module, either in LA, or in the Netherlands. After completion, then you move on you get to go to the master module which is a week long, with Wim Hof, and your final test is climbing up the mountain in your shorts with Wim Of course, I definitely encouraged it. The whole process took me about two years. So it's definitely something that you have to invest your time in also going fully and then keeping that practice going while you're in training. So grab your friends strengthen your practice, reach out to other instructors. The beautiful thing about the Wim Hof Method instructors is, I could go to a different workshop by every instructor and learn something new. We all have different backgrounds, there's different reasons why we all got to this place, and the learnings and teachings of the Wim Hof Method, they don't end, it's a long journey, and an awesome rabbit hole to fall down so I definitely encouraged.

VL: Wow, I feel like I'm discovering more and more and actually since I heard of you and sort of following you. I actually was hearing about when cough and cold exposure and cold therapy from other people who are not a mutual friend of ours and I, I actually learned recently that I know another Wim Hof Method instructor who was in Australia, and I thought oh that's really cool because when I met that person that's not what they were doing. So it's cool to see how. More and more people are really getting involved, and, you know, taking, taking the plunge area with the puns again. Look out by I love this idea of this community and as I, as an outsider, because I haven't done it. I haven't tried it yet but I'm very excited to.

To learn more as I'm like stuttering through this because I'm terrified in the best way possible. What I've seen as an outsider, is that there really seems to be a community that comes together and dives right in and, I mean, again like I feel like I already mentioned this but it sounds like such an incredible team building experience or community building experience and how supportive, that could be for someone through an intense feeling such as this. So, yeah, I want to just take a moment to really acknowledge you and all of the the work that you've done and the time that you put in and the people that you that you help and, You know, reading the testimonials and seeing other people do this work with you and through you is, it's so powerful and inspiring to watch, and I just have to talk myself out of the headspace, to actually do it. But yeah what your work is very important and I definitely wanted to say thank you for that.

[34:36] AO: I thank you so much. It's so neat because the cold really represents so much more, it represents fear, it represents the unknown. So, the method starts, you know, when we first start talking about it. Maybe the monkey brain starts chattering, maybe we start making stories up of why we can't go into the cold or why it's so hurtful or detrimental. A lot of people before they arrive at the workshop I talked about. So what excuses were going through your head the night before, you know sometimes people aren't getting sleep. But that's all part of the process. You get to learn about yourself, how you respond to the unknown, how you respond to stress and fear, but then you get to strengthen that part of yourself in your mind as well, Because when we leave the ice bath. We feel amazing that our circulation so you're, what is never circulated, down to the tips of your extremities like it was before natural opiates, start rushing through your body because you want to tap the natural medicine box. So then people are like that wasn't that bad. So it's a representation of how we make things up and build them so much worse in our minds. So it's another tool to control that mind and that monkey brain.

VL: That's perfect. ​​One of the tools in my toolkit is positivity and really looking for the silver lining or the the growth of the change or the, the, what the learning experience or the learning opportunity. And as you're saying all these things I've in my head like, Okay, this is why you should do it or you need to do it, you know, I was born in February, I'm a winter baby, like, come on. I was born in the. Not really. I was born inside but still. So I'm just trying to talk myself into it. But, I mean, yeah, you gave, tons of benefits, and I feel like no don't hate until you try it, right, then you can really drive this after you try it, if it's for you or not. 

AO: Absolutely, yeah I definitely suggest trying it, and you know come with a friend come alone. It is such a welcoming community, which is why I'm so excited, you know I don't have sisters, so to have a sisterhood and be surrounded by the right type of women is such an empowerment and something that we need as women and as men to find your tribe. Find your support and I really found it within this community. It's also an online community, you can Google Wim Hof you can Facebook Wim Hof, and there's so many groups that experience cold exposure and encourage each other. There's different meeting places there's different chat rooms, and literally I've met the coolest people through the Wim Hof Method.

VL: Yeah and it sounds like even if you're not local, this would be a great opportunity or a great option for people who want to try it is just finding a little Google search or a little Facebook search about that local community that's really in alignment and that energetic alignment with you that's so amazing. Well, I have one more segment of the show, it's the rapid fire round. But before we get into it, I just want to ask, is there something that hasn't been said is there something that we need to learn?

AO: definitely as cold exposure gets a little more popular, I'm noticing a lot of people, coaching people wanting to get into the cold, and I just want to maybe express the importance of working with a professional. So, just like we would, You know, seek out a personal trainer, someone that we trust with our health, ask for their experience, asked how they worked, how long they've worked with the cold, if somebody isn't asking you for a health declaration having you sign a waiver. That would be a really big red flag for me.

So just do your research. The cold is definitely a medicine, but any medicine can turn to poison so you definitely want to be, you know, taught the proper way, length of China's huge, a big thing in Canada. This year, I saw throughout the cold exposure movement and community was people really bragging about the time that they were going in the ice as Wim Hof instructors, maybe that's how we started out, we were all about our ego all about time and measuring it, but really listening to your body, is the biggest strength and biggest tool. So start off very gentle and work your way up. Don't compare yourself to other people's work, because we all started slow and then gradually worked up so keep that in mind when you enjoy the cold.

VL: ​​That's great advice. Thank you for sharing that.

So we know where we can find you and follow you. How can we support your business?

AO: By coming to one of my workshops. By following me online, engaging in conversation, all those things fulfill me in lightning.

[40:25] RAPID FIRE

1. What are you currently reading? What’s your favourite book?

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera

Radical Awakening (Audio) by Shefali Tsabary

2. What do you love most about being a woman?

My gosh, there's so many things I think we are just full of with stone and strength and grace. And that's what I love about being a woman, you know, and the other woman that I'm connected with, I'm so grateful for, they light me up they spire me they support me. So I think it's a gift to be a woman, I think, you know, we're so special and powerful.

3. What does empowerment mean to you?

Empowerment, strength, strive that we all have within, and sometimes we just need little tools to untap that so having the choice to say our true to speak our truth to move and our truth and to be fully in line. I think that's empowerment.

4. What are you currently working toward?

What am I, actually, I'm taking a course right now is oxygen advantage. So the Wim Hof Method was, you know, I put my toe into the water, but now I'm very interested in breath and what we can do with it and how we can enhance our performance either in sport or in life. So I'm training to be an advanced oxygen advantage coach.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E150: Q&A: Everything You Need to Know About the Make a Habit Mentorship Program

The Make a Habit Mentorship Program is now open for enrolment. Learn everything you need to know about the program in this week’s podcast episode…

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[00:53] 1. What is the Make a Habit Mentorship Program?

ENROL HERE: www.valerielavignelife.com/mentorship

[4:04] 2. How did you first start the mentorship program?

Check out my coaching friend Viv! E144: Intimacy Rituals with Viv Kan

[10:54] 3. Who is the mentorship program for?

[14:35] 4. Who is it not for?

[15:34] 5. What can I expect when I enrol in the mentorship program?

E149: Eliminating Overwhelm & Creating Work-Life Balance (BTS the Make a Habit Mentorship Program)

[18:51] 6. How did you become certified as a coach and how has that changed your experience?

[] 7. Are there any specific resources or people that have helped/been a guiding force for you?

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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