E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love

E171: Joyful Practices You Can Do Anytime for Cultivating Self Love with Emmy Rousseau

Whenever I get to chat with someone about elevating ourselves and bringing more joy to our lives, I am automatically ascended into a higher frequency of joy + love. I hope you feel the same after tuning into this wonderful conversation with Emmy Rousseau and I…

Books Mentioned in this episode:

Robin Sharama - 5 Am Club
Emily Fletcher - Stress Less Accomplish More
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love

[01:26] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to introduce you to a very good and new friend of mine. I mean, me and I met at a wellness retreat probably a few months ago. Now I want to say like six months ago at the time, four months ago, something like that. And we kind of became like fast friends, I would say we connected over this weekend, retreated, and then we started talking more online. We went out for a walk together. A really freezing cold walk. But I've loved how our friendship has cultivated over these few months. And I wanted to just say that because I thought it was really important. And I wanted to show my gratitude for you. So welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast.

[02:16] Emmy Rousseau: Thank you so much. I too like that I'm grateful to be here. I knew that amazing podcast but I'm more way more grateful for the friendship that we have started cultivating and it's been so just free flowing and awesome and grateful to be here.

VL: You’re so very welcome. What I love about how and I think this is why we became fast friends is because we do have a lot of overlapping offerings or kind of interest I guess. We both teach fitness, we both talk about holistic healing and one of the really big conversations that we often have is about self care and about prioritizing ourselves. So I love to just dive into this topic today and maybe you can start us off with that.

ER: Absolutely. Yeah, I'm like my pillars are self love, joy and gratitude and they're really all about serving yourself right but not in so many people have that whole like, oh, self care is selfish or self love is selfish. And I just want to like no, it's actually the opposite of self image.

Because when you do love yourself first, then you can fill your cup and it can overflow and you can serve others better than when we try to tie ourselves out and go from like the bare minimums and put ourselves last on the list and then we don't actually serve anybody. Well, like nobody. I mean, even if you talk like we both are fitness instructors, and if you thought about do you want to go and take a class with a fitness instructor who is fit, where our fitness instructor who has to stop every half song, and like take five breaths and take some water and then you're gonna want somebody who's fit and that's because they take care of themselves and their fitness and that's why they can lead you in that they can serve you and fitness better, because they are also fit. And it's the same. It's anything like we can easily see. You don't want somebody who's and that doesn't mean you have to be a certain body size. By the way when I say fit. It's not at all what I mean but you still have to have a level of fitness that you could leave this fitness class.

You don't want to go to fitness class or somebody who's just totally out of shape and can't they do well. Same thing when we're serving and leading other people everywhere in our lives, whether it's our kids, our co workers or employees or friends. If we want to be of service then we need to be our best selves.

[05:02] VL: Exactly, I like to think of it as like really strong leaders leading by example. It's not a do as I say not as I do. It's here. This is me actually putting in the work. And the other thing you said that I think people forget about because it's such a cliche is filling your cup first. So I've been really working on this because I want to be able to express the importance of filling your cup versus other people. So this is what I came up with and I want to entertain you today. So you're like Bring it on.

Okay, so I love champagne and Prosecco and all things probably. And when I think about is, you know the champagne glasses and glass and you see those champagne towers and so you've got one glass at the top and then you have four below that and then eight below that, and then it keeps going and it's exponential, how many champagne glasses coupe glasses you can have. And so I imagine that you're at the top of your tower, your champagne tower, and the champagne is pouring into you. And when that cup overflows and then goes into for more, or four more classes or four more people and then the growth just becomes exponential as like the more you pour into your craft, the more people you can serve. And those are the people who depend on you. Those are the people who are holding you up and you are holding them up by letting yourself be full, letting your class people let your copy flow and letting it pour onto others and you don't deplete yourself. I think sometimes or at least I thought this is I would fill up my cup and then I pour my cup into others but no you want to overflow your cup so that there is an abundance, of energy of love of joy of all of the things to to get people into the space that they need to so that was my or that is my new way of looking at the filling your cups. I hope you enjoyed it.

[07:10] ER: I think that is such a good visual because people know that if you only filled the champagne glass half the rest of the bottom aren't getting anything, you know, it just would stop right? That's what would happen with the champagne example. So it's such a perfect visual for people and nobody says, Oh yeah, stop filling that top champagne glass half it's already half full. We can drink from that and it'll be fine. Like, well, how far are you getting in pouring into those other cups that even if he did that, not very far so.

VL: Absolutely. And highlighting what you said. It's not selfish to put yourself first. This is huge when we talk a little bit more about that?

ER: Oh yeah, because I think it's something that so many people have a hard time with and I did it for years and years. I was that. Oh, what does it matter if I don't get enough sleep or it doesn't matter? If I miss my workout? As long as I'm there for other people. That's what it is. And now I've shifted that in my life and it's not always easy to to shift that because some people who are used to you serving from your cup half full and giving more than you have to give will start to think like, are you putting yourself above us like what's going on here? And one of my kids recently said that to me. He said I can see how you would think that. Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that to me. This is not the case. This is me being my best self so I can actually be better for you. And my daughter said it best when I was a part of the 5am club like years ago. It was amazing. I was on my A game and then I dropped off. And then she said to me one day you know you're so much better than when you were a 5am club girl. I like even a teenager could notice that. You know something? Because you know teenagers are naturally egocentric in their own world. They're concerned about their own friends. That's where they should be. So if your teenager notices that you were a better person, when you were filling the 5am Club is all about filling your own cup first 100% before anybody else is awake for the day, you are starting and so now like my morning routine is the probably most important thing to me in my whole day. The days I don't do it are the days that I have crappier days and they know it and the days I do it I'm feeling amazing, and then I can absolutely show up amazing for everyone else.

[09:37] VL: That's huge. And for other people to notice that around you is also just confirmation and that's why filling your cup is so important. Putting yourself first is so important. Would you be open to sharing your morning routine with us and taking us through that?

ER: I would love to. So I did start with the formula of the 5am Club which is like Robin Sharma if you don't know him, he's an awesome Canadian author. Everybody should check him out. I love him. But it has evolved a little bit. So for me now what I do is I start my day with either breathwork or meditation. Right now I'm doing the Wim Hof Method Course where it's just like, for me, I'm all about the breath work, but getting into the cold shower. It was very challenging for either of you and whenever you walked but actually you were one of the people that inspired me to do it. So thank you for that.

So I'll start with his breath work and then I jump into the cold shower and then I will have meditation. Oh, so that's part of the whole thing. And then I do my five minute journal. That's a huge thing for me, starting my day with intention and gratitude is such a game changer as well. Such a mood changer. I feel like gratitude is one of the fastest ways to just boost your mood. So starting that way is awesome. And 20 minutes of reading, and at least 20 minutes of exercise. It usually ends up being half an hour because I often have one of my classes in the morning but so that's what my morning Oh and I forgot one important piece. I also visualize my day for 10 minutes. So I look at my calendar, what do I have on for the day? And then I just bang bang, bang, bang bang, like what's it going to be like? And I imagine it, how it's going to feel amazing, how it's all going to go great whether it's a super exciting business meeting I'm thinking about or a difficult conversation with a loved one. I picture it going as well as it possibly can. Everybody is feeling good. And nine times out of 10 It goes way better when I visualize it. Then when I skip that, that piece.

That’s my morning routine.

[11:56] VL: That’s amazing! I love that. That is such a really wonderful way to connect to so many different parts of you and I love that you're doing something that's super out of your comfort zone with the cool chairs. I know this is somewhat new to your morning routine and it is a bit of a shock but it's also one of those things where you are overcoming something so huge and starting your day with something that makes you feel invincible. I mean, I know I've only done one cold.

I'm not doing that every day but I might be convinced.

So that is so amazing. I feel like you have a lot of different practices, a lot of different kinds of, I guess tools in your toolkit and you've already shared that this morning routine has evolved for you in the last little while. So for people who are listening, you're thinking no I really like some of the things that you shared. What would be your wisdom to people who want to start their own work routine or who want to create their own self care practice? Where do we begin with all of these different practices and tools?

ER: Begin small first of all, do not think like this morning routine takes me probably an hour and a half most days and I'm lucky that I'm at the stage of life where I don't have little kids. So it's easy for me to get up an hour and a half earlier and even when they get up like they're doing their own thing but a recognize where you're at and where you're starting from. And just pick one little thing to start with so maybe you're only getting up five or 10 minutes early. I have read so much about her getting up an hour early. So he and such a game changer. But I never recommend people start there because it's really hard to shift your body just to like, oh, okay, I used to wake up at seven. I'm gonna wake up at six 6am comes and your alarm is like and you're like, Heck no, I am not doing that. And you snooze and then you feel like you're a failure and then you're just not setting yourself up for success. So making it small and manageable where you would I'm going to start with gratitude, I can write three things. I'm grateful for waking up and maybe three intentions for the day. That will take me less than five minutes. So all I need to do is set my alarm for five minutes before and whatever the one tool that you're hear about that really sounds like oh, that's the one I want to try. That's the one you should try because you're most drawn to it. You're most likely to follow through with it. Once that becomes a habit for you. Then you can have it stack and add a new thing to it and build it up to whatever and your morning routine. Maybe it will be 20 minutes max, maybe it'll be half an hour max. Maybe it will be an hour like you'll see what fits into your life and what feels good once it's there. But build it slowly. I think that's so important.

[14:45] VL: Yeah, absolutely. That's a really great point.

I like what you said about which one sounds good or which one feels good for you and which one is sparking some sort of curiosity. Start with that one. Because when we start with the things that excite us as well, we're more likely to do them. And then by picking something smaller, choosing something small and starting there. We are beginning to create this confidence and this momentum with ourselves because we're one more excited to do it too. We actually do it because it's attainable and realistic to do. and then we're like, Hey, I took a cold shower today. That's awesome. Hey, I took a cold shower three times this week. Oh, that's amazing. Oh my goodness. I took a cold shower every single day this week. and then we just start to keep building up on those wins.

And well, at the time of this recording, we're still in the 21 Day Challenge. However, when this podcast comes out, we wouldn't have been done the 21 day challenge and I wanted to quickly chat about this because we are on the topic of habits now but something that has come up for you a lot in this challenge is recognizing like you said where you are and that starting point but not only the starting point but recognize where you are throughout your journey. And I love how you've been talking about giving yourself grace and this positive self talk of even if you did enjoy 100% Today, you still showed up for yourself. So maybe let's chat a little bit more about this and how you have come to this place of really honoring what you need. How do you know what you need? How do you talk to yourself this way? How do you keep going even when you don't have days where you're at 100%?

[16:30] ER: That's been probably the most recent accomplishment or awareness or development for me. It was in December that November I was at a speaking competition. And I hadn't placed and that was fine. It wasn't about that. But all of a sudden it hit me like hold on. I'm really good at helping other people further themselves. Why am I not this good at helping me further myself become so skilled Why am I still so close to my starting line? And I realized I'm being way harder on myself than I would with other people and if someone came to me with an issue like I was having, I would be encouraged to talk to them. Why am I not talking to myself the same way that I would talk to someone else? That's really just becoming conscious of how I speak to myself and saying, no, if I catch myself in that old habit, not going to do that anymore. I'm going to totally just encourage myself and break what would I say to a friend and whatever I would say to the friend that's going to be the kind of compassionate thing and then turn that back on myself. So yes, in this 21 Day habit I have loved that. I have two goals. And before if I did one goal, and I didn't do the other one. It would be like, I'm not meeting my boss. Then this time I was like no, I'm at 50% of my goals because I did one and then I and then as I was talking to you and as I call on a second Actually, I did half of the one goal and the other work fully so that's really 75% Let's just celebrate exactly what I'm doing. And another tool that's really helped me with that was Mel Robbins High Five habit. I find myself in the mirror every day and be like, I got your back girl that has changed my self talk in such a small way but it's made such a big impact. I'm doing it every single day even when I'm not in a moment where I'm feeling low and just automatically getting up high fiber myself and saying I got your back so already my brain said she talks to herself. Alright, so she keeps on that momentum instead of Oh, shucks down to herself. I'm gonna keep on that brought that I think it has really helped to shift that for me.

[18:48] VL: That's such a great point of going back to that.

That high flying habit. I've done this before. I don't even know how it started. I want to say they didn't like the way I was treating myself similarly to you or like you're like oh wow, I did not say something nice about this opportunity. So I would never say that to somebody else. Why on earth am I saying that to myself? And so what I started to do was wink at myself in the mirror when I would walk or buyer pass by reflection or anything like that and I didn't kind of jokingly but kind of for fun. I thought it was something that was like, Yeah, you know, I always get myself it's easy to do it simple and having that simplified. Behavior really does help to change the pattern. And it doesn't have to be some sort of crazy ritual where you're journaling about yourself and you have to like to stand in the mirror for an hour, whatever it is, it can be super simple, like a week or a high five. So that's so great that you share that and I'm so glad that you've been on this recent journey of awareness and positive self talk because it's one of the things that I know that I'm really passionate about is like really getting rid of that negative self talk.

This is so helpful.

Can you share some of our tools for people who are listening who maybe are like, I like some of the things that they're saying, but what else can we do to put ourselves first and what are some other examples that we could talk about?

[20:23] ER: Well, I really like it, I'm a simple kind of person so I'd like to keep things simple and practical and easy to do.

VL: Because I'm not the most patient person. So if something's gonna take a long time, I'm probably not going to put in the effort at the beginning. And be because we all have lives that generally here in our society are actually over. Busy, not even just busy, but like, over busy. So who has time to start this big, complicated thing? I'm all about simple, simple, simple. So two of the things that I do in this I really love is scheduling in joy. Time, every day, I don't have to schedule it anymore because now I just automatically do it. But right at the beginning, I still do schedule it, but I don't even have to look at that part of my schedule, because I know that like, okay, right before lunch, I'm gonna have like a five minute dance break because I love to dance. So that's something that brings me joy. Put it in the face. They'd like to take a book into the bathroom because they just needed some quiet time, some alone time to like lock the door in readable time that was their time for them. And finding those like little just 5-10 minutes, sometimes a three minute nugget times to take a breath and bring yourself back to the present and feel better. It's good or anything that brings you joy, and I think it's a little sad that many of us don't even know what brings us joy anymore. So if you happen to be a listener that thinks that like sounds good but what even brings me joy anymore a know you're not alone. I think that's pretty normal these days. And be start to think back to like, what did I love to do as a kid? You know, if you loved to get out and jump in puddles that maybe like going for a walk in nature is going to be one of your things you know, if you love loved, like for me, I love to watch solid gold, which I know now you're too young to know what is even solid gold. It was like the show the dance show today, and I would just imagine I was a solid gold dancer. So it's always been a thing for me, you know, reading or whatever it is that brings you joy, spending time with people, whatever it is that brings you joy and obviously, spending time with people you can't get to someone in five minutes, but you could send somebody a text message unexpected that they don't think you're gonna say something that you were thinking about them and that brings them joy and brings you joy, somebody little ways that we can just do it in micro doses, which is fantastic.

And another thing here now a lot of people are gonna be like me and I know because I was one of them is honestly meditation. I used to think, I cannot meditate as they have tried, it is not for me.

A there's a million types of meditation. It's like the genres of books. So if you haven't found a book you like I'm like try it for time because there's something for everybody. Maybe it's an audio book, maybe it's a genre of books. It's pretty the same as meditation. There's walking meditations, that silent meditation, there's guided meditations, there's like a million things you can do to meditate and really ways to meditate. Just keep trying something to find what works for you. And I read a book. Oh my goodness. Emily Fletcher's book on meditation, Stress Less achieved more is actually designed for high achievers should like this is not for the Tibetan monk who wants to sit on the mountaintop and meditate all day. This is for the busy person who wants to have more stuff. She talks eight chapters about the benefits of meditation. So if you're not if you're not sold, it's a great book to read. And then she gets into the house and she actually recommends to 15 minutes a day, one in the morning. And one like mid afternoon. When I started doing that that afternoon for three weeks I felt nothing or disclosure as I was really do anything. And then one day I had really a conversation with someone on the phone and I was like, Alright, I'm going to meditate now and I came out of that 15 minutes. So calm going from like raging in my head. To Wow, I feel amazing about the day and ever since I've like Alright, got to get that second meditation. And so that's another tool that I use as well. And then my five minute journal, there's also a evening portion. So that helps me to just set my brain right and positive or before I go to sleep.

[24:55] VL: Yeah, and a lot of these practices. I know that you mentioned a few of them already. They don't have to be in the morning. So I know that. I don't know what it is about morning routines. Everyone just wants to have this perfect morning routine and sometimes it can't always be that way. So being able to kind of sprinkle in habits is also very beneficial. So I'm glad that you mentioned that as well. I don't know if I should use Insight Timer for meditation, but I love this app because it has made meditation possible. And I find that I'll just put one on and then sometimes I stumble upon some really great meditation teachers and then I just follow them and I just want to listen to all their meditations. I also got an OURA ring for Christmas. and the aura ring has meditations on it too. And they talk about it as restored in time. So they're really short little meditations, actually different this morning and after you do the recording after you listen to the recording and asked, How do you feel, do you feel the same?'' Do you feel worse to build better or do you feel like, super, whatever, there's like a smiley face so you have to pick. And I, a little bit five minutes this morning but I did. I was like, I do feel better, I do feel a lot better than when I started, just a simple little tool.

EM: I love that you said it was a restorative practice. Lisa Nichols said that rest is the root word of restoration. And if we think about restorative furniture, we love it right? We get this old crappy dresser and then we get it restored and it looks shiny and new and beautiful. We love it. And that's what we want it to look like. It's the same with our bodies. Our bodies need rest to restore. So that's one other thing that I think so often gets overlooked. And if we think of it in that way, most of us don't think of rest as restoring our body, but it is really when our body gets the time to heal because we're not asking it to do a million other things. So that's one of the things that is so, so important, which I think a lot of us downplay, as well.

[27:05] VL: Yeah, I agree. I love that.

Find & follow Emmy here:

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RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading or what is your favourite book?

A Return to Love - Marrianne Williamson

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment is really about taking what you have inside I think and recognizing your strengths and then just letting them shine. If we all let our strengths shrine. We all show up into the world as empowered, and then by doing that we also empower others with that whole champagne ripple effect.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

The longest standing would be the 5am waking up. Yeah.

4. What are you currently working toward?

So many things. I am always working towards just being the best me I can be every day. That's my most important goal is being the best thing I can every single day. And as I realized how mental wellness plays such a big part of that feeling really called to create a community of people who want to play mental wellness a priority in your life so that's something that's been percolating in my head right now. That's the latest and greatest.

VL: That sounds so incredible. Thank you so much for joining me today. This was such a great conversation. I feel like a lot of people will resonate with what you're saying or at least sparks of interest and joy and excitement into everything that you offered. So I really want to just recognize you and your voice and all the things you have to teach and share your wisdom I'm so grateful for our friendship as well. Of course this conversation was great, but it goes too much deeper than that. and I know that we're going to have more conversations that are probably not all being recorded. but yeah, I love I love everything that you said today and I'm excited for all the things that you're working on. So thank you again so much.

ER: Thank you so much, it was such a pleasure and an honor.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneMarch 9, 2022

E169: Are Your Intentions Helping You or Hurting You?

In this week’s episode we’ll find out if our goals are helping us or are they hurting us? Plus, we’ll learn how to evaluate our current goals, and how to set more meaningful goals for the future!

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For those of you who don’t already know, I’ve been teaching pilates for almost 10 years which is wild and amazing! And I own a reformer pilates studio in downtown Burlington, Ontario called EXHALE PILATES. Reformer pilates is a type of pilates that uses the reformer machine, which is this super incredible piece of equipment that has pulleys and spring tensions that make for a killer full-body workout. Plus it’s super fun and every class is unique and challenging in it’s own way.

Over the decade I’ve taught all kinds of clients: people who are brand new to the machine, pilates enthusiasts, olympic athletes, clients who need support with physiotherapy, new and expecting moms - you name it!

And whenever I first meet someone in a session, I always ask them the same few questions and the answer to one of the questions I have will tell me whether or not this person will be successful with their goals.

The question is: What are your goals or intentions for pilates?

Now the answer is different with each person who comes into the studio, however their answer typically falls under two general categories. And this isn’t just for pilates, it’s for all goals.

So let’s adjust the question to better suit you. Ask yourself, “what are my intentions for (fill in the blank for your most recent goals)?

Maybe these are your 2022 goals, or your goals for the quarter/month/week or even goals for the day. What is the intention behind your goal? What is the goal behind your action?

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

Write down, or make a note of your answer.

The answer will likely fall under either of these two categories: external or internal goals/intentions.

External goals are very common. These will be things outside of ourselves, such as a goal to get a beach body for summer, to make 10k this month or to increase a client list.

The problem with external goals is that they are things we cannot control, at least not directly. There will be many factors affecting these external intentions but they will always be outside of us. The amount of money we make will change every month, our bodies and the way we see ourselves physically will change as well; these are variables.

A great example I heard was if you were to enter a dance competition and your goal was to win the competition. This is an external goal because the three judges adjudicating you are completely out of your control; the results will be different. The judges will change, the other competitors will change, this is out of your control.

Internal goals are intentions that are within our control. They are more internal. They are the types of goals we want to focus on.

Goals like feeling better in our bodies, being consistent with our healthy habits, showing up as the expert in our business networks, reading 10 pages of a book every day, etc.

With our dance competition example, the internal goal would be to increase or correct footwork, hit the right timing, stretch daily, etc.

If your external goal is to attract more clients, consider implementing internal goals like creating consistent, valuable content. It may not have a direct correlation with your sales, but it is in your control. And depending on where you’re sharing the content, there are a lot of insights you can receive from this that can help you improve your following, email list, reach, and with time and consistency can convert a viewer/follower/subscriber into a paying customer.

Let’s take a look at a few more examples:

Someone coming to pilates with an external goal to get a “beach body for summer.” Our physical health has many limbs I’ll call them. Yes physical fitness and exercise will definitely help to improve physical health, but sleep, hydration, nutrition, self talk are also really impactful limbs of how we look and feel physically.

The other concern I have for this type of goal is that it isn’t lasting. At the time of this recording, summer is about 4 months away. This means that someone with this goal could be overworking their body to reach a goal for the summer, and then after summer just completely stop their healthy habits. Then after fall and winter, they will cycle back into this external goal and we’ve now created a vicious and unhelpful/unhealthy cycle.

So what can we do? Well, we can create smaller habits that support our physical health such as regular fitness, prioritizing hydration, meditation, going to bed within the same hour every night, cooking the majority of our meals at home, etc.

For business goals that are internal and controllable, focus on creating valuable content - consistently. Perhaps that is a weekly podcast episode, video, or email.

Consistency with your internal goals is the KEY! This isn’t a once a month or once a quarter commitment. The more consistent you can be, the more successful your goals will be. You can’t be hydrated 2 out of 7 days a week. Your body will be constantly catching up with the hydration.

Recently I listened to tens of episodes of a business podcast I really enjoyed and then randomly they stopped making episodes. No explanation, just no more episodes. I’m not sure where to connect with them, or where to consume more of their valuable content. They haven’t published in over a year!? I was honestly really excited to learn more from them and I would honestly love to buy what they’re selling but I don’t even know if they’re selling anything anymore!?

As a consumer of this valuable content I truthfully feel a bit betrayed by this and am now unsure if I want to buy what they’re selling because what if they just stop producing or go MIA in their paid courses.

Okay, let’s look back at the list of goals we wrote down/made a note of earlier in this episode. Which of the two categories did they fall under? External or internal?

Don’t panic or judge yourself for any external goals on your list. Remember, these are very common. Instead of taking them off your list completely, brainstorm a few internal goals that could support your external goals. Feel free to tap back to rewind this episode for a few of the examples.

When creating internal goals, here are a few questions to ask to keep you on the right track:

Is this goal/intention within my control?
How can I break this goal/intention down into a smaller/bite-sized habit I can do more frequently (daily/weekly)?
How will I track/measure this goal?
What will help me be more consistent with this intention?
What “big picture” or larger goal does this smaller internal goal support?

I am feeling fired up about these new internal goals and intentions we are creating! Now is the time to TAKE ACTION! Screenshot this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife and share your internal goals with me there! I love meeting the listeners of the show and connecting with you more!

Happy intention and goal setting!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneFebruary 23, 2022

E168: Building Trust with Yourself: From Timid to Confident Series

A new style than our usual podcast format. I, Valerie LaVigne, am being interviewed. In this From Timid to Confident Summit I share the FULL version of my story.

Thank you Coach Kasia Bradford for holding space and allowing me to share this journey I am on…

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[02:03] Kasia Bradford: Hi, everyone, welcome to from timid to confidence series. I am so excited to introduce you to our guests today. But before we get started My name is Kasia Bradford and I am the host of the series. The series for those of you who are collecting situations that are no longer serving you, and you are ready for your next app level, that big decision you really want to make. But you don't quite feel confident enough to be here.

So the series will bring you amazing stories from amazing people who also were in that spot. At one point in their life. And they will share with you how they tapped into their confidence and allow themselves to make bold moves that have been thriving today. It is our vision that by the end of the series, you will step into your power and make the power decisions that will allow you to create the life that you want to live. So without further ado, I am so excited to introduce our guest today Valerie LaVigne. It's incredible to have you here.

[03:07] Valerie LaVigne: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be part of this summit. This is amazing and I'm very grateful that that you invited me on and that you're doing this because I think it's gonna be really powerful for people.

KS: Yay. We're super proud. Like I said, Valerie, you've got healthy habit mentoring podcaster and I will turn it over to you. Please introduce yourself and share a little bit about your background and what you're up to right now.

VL: Sure, I'd love to so I just said I am Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor. Basically what that means is I help women who are making an impact prioritize their health and their wellness without adding to their already busy schedules because let's be honest, we're all very busy right now.

And I do this so that people can feel great in their body and really show up powerfully for the people who are depending on them. And as you said I'm also a podcaster and I host the Women's Empowerment Podcast. This is all about health and wellness. and happiness. and each week there's a new story or a new little mini training to inspire you and motivate you to take action towards your own goals and your own habits and your own lifestyle.

KS: Awesome.

Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about your background and kind of how you got into doing what it is that you're doing?

[04:00] VL: Yeah, that's a very great question. So my kind of story I guess of how I got to where I am today had to do with a lot of random kinds of situations. But also if I look and trace the common line through it all, it all had to do with health and wellness and just my curiosity for healthy living and yoga. So I'll start very early on which was when I was nine or 10 years old, someone in class said that their dad was able to quit smoking through yoga and meditation. That was the first time I'd ever heard of yoga or meditation before and as soon as they said that I had this really intense I guess gut feeling or just this feeling thinking like I need to know more about this. So I learned a little bit more about yoga and about meditation. And a few years later, I saw that in our local rec center for like there's a Kids program. So yoga for teens, and so I begged my mom to sign me up for it. And every week I did yoga with a bunch of other 12 and 13 year olds and I started practicing yoga and I really liked it. I liked how it made me calm and it helped me focus. I would practice it at home. I'd get up really early to do yoga in my bedroom. It was mostly just like stretching for me at the time. And I didn't really understand the impact that it was making for me in the long run. I just knew that I really loved it and I just had to follow this feeling. And so throughout high school people knew me as the Yoga Girl because I was always doing yoga and we went to a yoga studio and gym class and everyone wanted to kind of put their map beside mine because they knew that I did this in the mornings. And then fast forward to first year university I got really sick. I will be really honest and say that I didn't want to go to university. I didn't want to be a number in a room full of people who I didn't know who you know, I wanted to make a big difference in the world. And I didn't think that university was going to help me get there. I didn't understand how slaving away for four years getting a piece of paper that says that I did that and like going into debt because of it. Anyway, I totally see how people want to do that and they have so much success with it. I just knew that it wasn't for me. I had that gut feeling again that I shouldn't go but I went to see my parents and that first year was really tough for me physically, it didn't matter how much Yoga I was doing or meditation I was doing I got really sick and I had to be hospitalized. And what ended up happening was I convinced my parents that I wanted to defer from university and I went to a local college instead. And when I was back home visiting my parents after I was recovering from being in the hospital, I bumped into a friend from high school and that friend was also coming home for personal reasons. And so we were connecting together and she said, hey, my mom's gonna open a yoga studio in town. I know you're really into yoga, do you want to work there and you can take classes for free? And again, my gut response was like, Yeah, I want to work there and take free yoga classes like are you kidding? So I went to school close to home. I started practicing yoga again in the studio working in the studio getting to know more about yoga. When I had breaks I would read the books that we had in the little boutique store that was at the studio. I learned more about the philosophy of it and just like again, diving into something that really was like sparking something in me and bringing you joy. And then eventually that job turned into an opportunity to become a yoga teacher. They started doing yoga teacher training and again, it was like heck yes, I want to do this. This feels good. And following that feeling and just continuing my yoga practice and learning more. And then believe it or not, I got fired from this job.

After I became a yoga teacher. It's kind of a long story and it's actually really funny looking back on it. So what happened was basically I knew that I wanted to leave the studio because I wasn't growing and I kept feeling this pull to leave and I was so afraid it was like, this is the studio. This is my home studio. This is the studio that gave me yoga teacher training. They gave me this job. They had been my family for many years. But all these things were going wrong and you know, all these different signs are basically like, No, it's time for you. It's time to move forward. It's time to grow like you're stuck in this cage and there's no room, there's no room for me. To grow anymore. But I was so afraid. I was so afraid. Because it was the only thing I knew. And even though there were other yoga studios in the area, I just couldn't. I felt frozen with fear. So anyway, I guess you could say that the owner did me a favor when she fired me because she forced me to leave. So when you asked me how, how do you make these big leaps? Sometimes they're thrust upon you, sometimes they're forced upon you. And in those moments, you can either like, get really upset and you know feel a little bit down and kind of crumble in it. Or you can use it as an opportunity to really expand and grow. And that's what I did. I use it as an opportunity to say all right, well, I got I have literally a clean slate and nothing holding me back. What's next right and just stay really open with that.

Like I said, she kind of did me a favor in the sense that like, I couldn't quit, I was so afraid to leave and so doing this really helped me.

And then what happened was I wanted to work at a studio who said oh, we need our teacher trainers. And I said I don't teach bar but I know someone who does it so I did like this weekend course. And while I was at a studio, learning how to teach barre, the owner of that studio said, Oh, I really like your style of teaching. Do you teach Pilates? And I said, No. And then she said, Do you want to teach Pilates and in my head I thought I don't really like Pilates and I also don't have a job. So I was like Sure. So I said yes to teaching Pilates and to make this long story a little bit faster. I basically fell in love with Pilates learning from this teacher and I loved it so much. And I started to grow in this new way and she gave me new opportunities and I was meeting new people and I was learning more things about this wellness industry. And over time I also felt that the space that I was in was also getting a little too small for me and I wanted to grow again. But this time I wasn't afraid to leave. And that time I saw where I needed to grow and where the limits were in the studio itself. So I you know, I mean years went by and I was starting to learn a little bit more about myself. I was starting to build more confidence in myself and my teaching, knowing that hey, I can teach at multiple studios, hey, I can go off on my own and can do all these things. And so I had a really great conversation with the owner of the studio and I said thank you so much for giving me these opportunities for teaching me Pilates for helping me see that I can jump into things with both feet. And she was really one of those people who were just like, you're going to go in I'm going to teach you Pilates and then you're just going to teach it and I was like what but I don't I've done yoga like since I was a kid and I just started Pilates like how can I be a teacher? And yeah, and so she just was like nope, you're doing it two feet. Here we go. So having mentors like that in my life was really important. And I think what's important to remember too, is that not everyone has a physical mentor in their lives. But if there's someone you really like, whether it's a podcast, host or an author, or someone on Instagram who really inspires you, there's usually free content or very, like low cost content like free course or like small online courses that you can purchase or just consume to really use that person as a mentor and I know I've done that with other people in the past too or I've just listened to like all their podcasts. I read all their books, but there's always going to be mentors and people in your life and I feel like having at least a little bit of that courage and confidence to either reach out to them, send them a DM I really love when people messaged me to say this is the episode I just listened to. I found it so powerful because of this, this, this. I mean part of why people do what they do, especially the women I work with, women like you who are making an impact in the world. Like they want to be seen. They want to be heard, they want to be recognized. And there's always going to be someone like that for you and you're always going to be someone like that for someone else. So just be mindful that people are always people are always watching you and they are going to be inspired by you at one point or another and it's a really powerful and exciting thing. So yeah, so I had this mentor. She was really excited for me when I said I want to do my own thing. I want to go off on my own and not happen in a couple different ways.

The first way as you know was that I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and when I say that people are like, “you did what?!”

So basically, this is a point in my life where the box was getting a little small for me. And what ended up happening was I just loved what I was doing. I love teaching Pilates, but I knew it wasn't sustainable for teach for like three to four week if you're not a Pilates teacher. It might not sound like a lot of classes, but that's a lot of classes. I was also working on an online business that I had at the time I had this really serious relationship with someone who just was not on the same page or certain things and as much as I really cared about this person and I love all my friends here and I love my family and everyone was so supportive. I knew that I wasn't good. I wasn't getting that spark and that excitement for everyday everyday just became repetitive. It was like Groundhog day or every week it was the same, the same the same. And I knew that I needed to be different. I just didn't know what that was. And then this is where it's gonna sound very crazy. Okay, like really crazy. I was meditating one morning and I just had this voice, this feeling this thing came over me I don't even really know what to call it. And I just heard this voice that was like my busy Guess what? So I got up calmly. It was the most bizarre thing. I got up and I went to the computer and I bought a ticket to Guatemala and I will preface by saying that I had heard a lot about Nicaragua. Because I was really interested in learning how to surf. I tried surfing a few times on vacation and I liked it. And Nicaragua was like this cool place that everyone was going to serve. And a few months before I was in this bar with my boyfriend at the time. And then this guy was sitting beside me and they're talking. He was saying that he's a pro surfer. And I was like, oh, like I don't want to be a pro surfer. But I want to surf. And it was around Christmas and I painted. He promised that I was going to be surfing next year at Christmas time and he was like, Yeah, for sure. And then I don't even know who this person is. He probably liked me for being a surfer. But the promise wasn't really to him. It was to myself and I think this is really part of the image of content is starting to build trust with yourself. And starting to do the things you said you were gonna do or you say you're going to do is actually do them.

So I didn't know what this looked like. I just knew that I wanted to serve a Christmas and when I went home at the time, and one of the during kind of stumbling back and I remember that both of us - I don't know like it's just you have this feeling right you have this feeling that like it's just not this isn't the way it's supposed to be. You know, this isn't this isn't how we're supposed to feel like and and so I looked at him and I said I really want to go surfing next Christmas and you could tell that he didn't want to do the same thing as me didn't light him up like it didn't mean so again once I buy and then I was kind of looking into Nicaragua I saw these other countries around Nicaragua, in Guatemala, and I kind of saw like, some people were writing blogs about how they traveled through Central America. And I was like, oh, everything's really close together. Like maybe we'll start at the top and work my way to Nicaragua. So anyway, I bought the ticket to Guatemala. I didn't really know where it was. before this time, like on a map. I was I couldn't I probably couldn't tell you. I didn't speak any Spanish. like I want to do a lingo. and we tried to learn some Spanish.

And then every day I just told myself that this was me following that gut instinct. This was me. Following that fire and that passion that I had felt these other times. And so looking back on the proof of doing yoga when I was a kid and joining the yoga program as a teenager and then falling back into university and college. It was just like all of these really incredible times where I trusted that instinct brought me to something so incredible and powerful in my life that I knew that I had to follow this. I didn't know why. And that was the scariest part. I'm not going to tell you that it was amazing and easy the whole time because it was terrifying. But I will tell you that once I arrived, I bawled my eyes out the day before I left because I was like, What am I doing? This is the craziest thing ever. I just literally left my relationship, my family and my job to to do what to surf. I don't know how to surf. Are you crazy? I didn't know what I was doing. But I was just like, I have to do this because if I stayed, I knew that I would only be repeating this groundhog day over and over and over again. So I went and I'll tell you right now that the day that I landed in Guatemala, I was so happy. I was walking around Antigua which is a small, beautiful, colorful town in Guatemala, just outside the city. And I was filled with joy. I had tears of joy. Like I was so happy and I knew that I was in the right spot as soon as I got there as scary as it was. And I feel like we're kind of brought up in this world to not really trust our instincts and we're taught to follow a certain line and a certain path and check off certain boxes a lot of the time. Those aren't in alignment with what we truly want and like I said, it's not always easy, but learning to build that trust with yourself and learning to really love yourself is something that it's an ongoing thing for me. And when I say that I don't know why I started or went on this trip. I really meant like I didn't know the reason but it always reminds me of this incredible quote by Steve Jobs and I never get the whole thing right but it's something along the lines of You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backwards. And that trip was exactly that. I was there for seven months through Central America. I ended up going down to Costa Rica, turning around and saying no, I need to go back to Guatemala and love Guatemala. I surfed in Costa Rica on Christmas day. and I read a bunch of surfers and I was like Listen, I have this goal. I gotta do it.

I'm not a pro surfer. I'm not that good at surfing but I tried and actually I learned to scuba dive and I liked that a lot better.

And basically the trip was just like day after day of me getting out of my comfort zone building that trust building that confidence. And because I was bad myself, there was no one else to blame. When I got lost, there was no one else to blame. When I was frustrated. I had to basically build this relationship with myself and say, Listen, you brought yourself to this country, you've got yourself lost you. You've got yourself into this mess like how are you going to get yourself out of it? You don't have a Savior to help you. You don't have a knight in shining armor. You don't have anything else you have yourself and that's probably the most important gift that you can have. And so over time, without realizing it, I was using the habits that I had, for like the last however many years of like my teacher training with mindfulness and yoga and all these things and meditation and then also personal development that I was into at the time and like building a business is really a huge part of that growth. And then building that gut instinct and that listening to yourself and trust with yourself. When I look back on the trip, those seven months were really a love story as cheesy as it's gonna sound. It was a love story with myself and building that confidence and building that self love throughout these experiences. And saying like, wow, I learned a whole new language. Whoa, I'm an advanced scuba diver like okay, I'm not a pro surfer but I tried and I fell and I cut back on that board so many times.

You know, getting yourself out of mass or climbing a volcano, like all of those things happen in such a short amount of time and I really think that it sped up that journey for me or that love for me. And at the very end of my trip. I actually stumbled upon this incredible yoga teacher training program. and even though I was already a yoga teacher, they had these like subprograms there. and one of them was life coaching and that was something that I was really interested in doing and it was specifically life and health coaching and I was like well this is exactly what I do. like this is what I do with my clients. outside of the studio I have these conversations and we talk about health and wealth and happiness.

And then from there when I came home I started the women's empowerment blog, which you now know as the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I worked for different studios, but I built my health coaching business on the side. And now I really focus on healthy habits because again, it took me this long to understand that it was really my daily habits that brought me to where I am today and it wasn't just health. It was my mindset. It was my financial health so my money habits , my relationship habits has everything and I will share it. I don't like to be put in a box. So I think habits really expand to be on the box and I think they expand to different things and they evolve as you evolve in your habits are going to change just like your core values change. But the thing that you always have that line that connects everything together is always you and I get a little bit goosey. Maybe a little bit crackly in my voice and I say that because it took me a long time to learn how to love myself. And I'm going to say it again and again. It was not easy. But every time it was super worth it. And I'm not that partner that I was with anymore. And I don't have the same friends that I did years ago. And so even though all these amazing people come in and even my mentor I don't have that same mentor anymore. These amazing people come in and out of your lives at the time that they need. To buy the one thing that's always there is you and the daily habits and behaviors that you have. So that is my super long story.

And to bring me to where I am today, which is I own the Pilates studio where I first learned Pilates I bought that studio for my mentor, believe it or not last year and my healthy habits. Coaching is building I'm starting a coaching membership for my clients to have ongoing support. I felt really lit up and excited about it and I'm following that gut instinct again, the gut instinct of divided studio and the gut instinct to start this membership. So I feel like it just went really full circle and that's why I had to tell you that entire story.

[25:00] KS: No and that's I didn't Oh my god. There's so much amazing but yeah, like so many things I had to take a couple of notes so I could stay present and listening after like when you were saying like since you were little with those first kind of intuitive knowing that yes, I want to do yoga. Yes. So you had those full body yeses. And then you had with this mentor we bought a body studio from when she suggested Pilates you were like no I don't yet you went for it. How can you discern between the two like that whole body? Yes. And then that I know that actually even though it was kind of like I don't want to do this but you went for it and then you loved it.

VL: Great question. So I think a lot of the time they come out. They come out with the same feeling. I think the hesitation for me was like the word wasn't Pilates and I was like, Oh, well, I've never really liked bodies. But then there was a part of me that was like, You need a job. It's not forever. Just like just doing it. Just do it. I was also teaching yoga there too. So it was just one of those things where it was mainly a Pilates studio that offered yoga and offered bar and if I'm being like super honest in the yoga and pilates world, if you teach a bunch of different things, you are very attractive to studios because they like that you have all these other options. They like that you can teach a bunch of different styles. And I think it really builds on just your own toolbox as well like being an applied teacher actually made me a better yoga teacher. So even in the home my intention was to open a yoga studio when I was a kid I was like Oh, I'm gonna open a yoga studio and you know we don't always, we don't always think that what we want is not always what the universe wants for us or the billions that the world has for us. And if I'm being totally frank, I don't love Pilates so much. And even though yoga definitely has my heart and there's a huge part of my life that I love for Yoga I haven't taught yoga in such a long time and my actus is with us now. so I'm really grateful that I followed it even though I was like, ah feels a little bit sticky or gonna do it.

[27:30] KS: Yeah, it's interesting because it's just like those full body yeses versus those kind of like I'm scared to do this. It's like you're in Guatemala, things like you also have things like that. We always have our version of scary like for you that was your burden for scary. I know for me when I was married and my son was only one my version of scary showed up. I am so unhappy here and all of a sudden I see I'm repeating toxic patterns, I need to leave the situation and it was very very scary. That was my version of scary and as scary as it was it still felt right.

What could you offer? Like when we're sitting with that from your experience and when working with your clients when you're sitting in that scary, how do you trust that? Even though it's scary. How do you trust that knowing that it's right and like how do people actually move because sometimes it can be paralyzing. I almost actually like to say if it wasn't for the fact that my son was born, I probably wouldn't have moved like I wouldn't have moved for me. I know for him because I wasn't okay with exposing him to repeating you know, the toxic pattern. That's what I refer to them. But if we say we don't have that little catalyst, like I'm doing is how do you do it for yourself? And I think I would probably come back to self love a little bit, but speak to that a little bit.

[28:55] VL: Yeah, that's an amazing question too. And I feel like when I work with women, especially mothers, they are looking to do something for someone else. It's usually for their kids or for their relationship for their family. And it's so easy to put these little humans in front of us or to put other people that we really love in front of us. But at what point are you making yourself a priority? At what point are you on that list of people to care about our self care, like where's self care on your priority list? And if it's not at the top of your list, then there's definitely some work that needs to be done. There's definitely some action that we need. To take. And I think when it comes to making those scary decisions, it's really about deciding of if you are going to stay where you're going to stay or if you want things to change and if you want to do something you've never done or feel away that you are not currently feeling you need to do something differently. And Okay, so my big thing was buying a one way ticket to Guatemala. That sounds super extreme for most people when I say that people are like, whoa, what and they're like you're still alive.

Yep. So you can practice this in really small ways. It goes back to building that trust with yourself. And that's also a part of self love is trusting yourself because think of it like any relationship when you trust someone you love someone you have really strong communication. So talk to yourself, tell yourself like What do you mean? Do you need to speak to yourself a little bit more timely? Do you need to listen to your own instincts, your own feeling that own urge or your own sacral response at that colo body knowing of like I need to do something different and what does different look like for you? Maybe different just means taking a new route to work or brushing your teeth with your left hand instead of your right hand. Like it can be as simple as changing up your routine. And that's why I think habits are so powerful because we already have these automatic behaviors we like. It gets into most of us but I think 80% of our day is made up of habits that we already have. So that means like you're automated for more than half of your day will say like I've ever been but you're automated for more than half of your day. And if that's the case, then there's very little room for magic to unfold. There's very little room for these new opportunities and these new changes and you are going to be living that Groundhog Day. I was super busy with my schedule at the time and I knew that I was gonna crack because I can't do this all the time. this is not sustainable. I knew that I've been doing this for the last year. and if I keep going like this, it's just going to be best for the next five years. So, think of the little things that you can do to make those adjustments at a two new workout routine, maybe it's a new route for your walk, maybe it's a new recipe. It can be those little things and as you start to push out of that comfort zone, they'll start to take major leaps and you're building that trust at the same time. and that's when your confidence starts to grow. and that's when someone says, oh my goodness, I'm getting a divorce. and I need my best friend to come to Hawaii with me for a week. and you're like, Yep, I'm the best friend. This feels good. I'm going to Hawaii. I feel the urge. I built a poll. Let's do this right and you like you've created that space. you've created space for those opportunities to come in and along the way, you're building that trust with yourself and that love.

[32:35] KS: I love, I love love. I think that self love, like true self love, lends itself to your confidence.

I think when you're fully in self love, you're not abandoning yourself for any reason. You're really standing, staying true to you, and that would elevate your confidence. What is one thing that somebody can do today to say that they don't feel like they love themselves like what is like at the most basic level, one thing that somebody could start doing today to grow that self love.

[33:13] VL: So a really fun, simple thing that I used to do when I was starting this was every time I saw my reflections, whether it was a mirror or when I was walking by my car or a window. If I saw myself as a reflection, I would do a little weight and like kind of like a hey, how are you? How you doing? In the mirror and it's super silly and it's super funny and honestly, if it just cracks a little a little giggle or a little smile for you. That's enough to just like you're flirting with yourself. I know some self love coaches will have you sit in front of the mirror and just keep repeating every single day. I love you. I love you. I love you that mirror work. And in the beginning that feels a little better. So we can kind of change it and just write out your wins for the week. Like, what did you succeed in this week? What was something that you're really proud of yourself for this week? And that could be a journaling exercise that could be something that you just type in your phone notes, and not just make it something that you're really grateful for the week but more about you're proud of yourself that you did. And maybe that was a major bad everyday this week and that was a really big deal for you. So it can be really small or it can be really huge like this for me this week. I'm going to write this down as one of my wins. A goal for myself for 2022 is to be speaking more on other people's podcasts and summits and things like that. So this is like so filling up my cup today and I'm super grateful to be here and it's going to be part of my wins for the week or so. things like that little week in the mirror saying I love you and doing more intense mirror work like that journaling exercise your wins and it's basically building proof and building that relationship with yourself and it's super simple and super tiny and just even writing your calendar with what you, what you're proud of this week.

[35:05] KS: Yeah, I love that. And I love what you were saying earlier and you just said it again. Now with the following the proof.

I absolutely love that. It's just such a powerful thing to remember. I do it with myself too. I have a ton of transitions. Just the last couple of weeks and I literally had to take myself back to like those were the scary things I did that worked out in my favor, or maybe I didn't even know how they were gonna work out but I know that they were such good things and so I like really have to focus on those when we can do FOMO so true.

VL: Yeah, it's so funny that you said that actually because I just remembered that right before my trip. I did a video diary. It was the most surreal thing to watch. So I have a MacBook and you can do like a movie, Film yourself on it. and I never use this feature especially at the time and so I wrote a video message to myself that was about five or seven minutes long and I saw they didn't like telling you why I decided to buy this ticket to Guatemala, like something took over. I did not know what was going on. I just knew that I had to do it so I, I recorded this

doing something that was super scary and I want you to remember that this was something that you you had to do and you did all the things you had to do for it and I'm like falling in the video and then it's like, you don't know why you're doing it. But as you're watching this as your call like I do know the reason why so it's like this weird thing of like past self talking to future itself. I don't even know what again, like what compelled me to do that this was so long ago now that I can't really remember the details of that. But it's on my old computer and then what happened was like completely, seven months later, I'm not like oh god open My Computer to that video itself. I didn't remember. So a year after the trip, I was doing this coaching program and it was like my first live webinar and I was so nervous. And I went to practice the video and I was like, Oh, just use that function on my computer. And I was like, what video is this? Like I completely forgot and then I opened it up right before I did this webinar and I'm crying now like watching myself crying, telling my future self my past self talking to my future self and it's reminding me of like, before I even did the hard thing. Before you even did the hard thing. It was like Valerie, you freaking did it. You're gonna look back one day and you're gonna say I did that. I went to Central America on a whim because my gut told me to and it was amazing. And I like it was the coolest, weirdest, craziest thing. So if you could do like a video recording of yourself or like a journal entry of yourself and look back on it and be like, Wow, look how far I've come, how much we've grown. That evidence and that proof is going to propel you to make more amazing changes and shifts and just and and what's even cooler in that the people around you are also going to notice it's not just the people around you are going to notice the little kids that you're so concerned about and trying to put first they see that you're not putting yourself first just like they're going to see when you do put yourself first and that gives them permission to put themselves on their list. I mean like It blows my mind sometimes when I think when I hear people say like oh, I need to put my kids before me and it's like you are doing them a disservice.

[38:38] KS: That’s so powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

as far powerful and it's so true. And I actually my son is 15 so I when I work with my clients, I talk about that a lot too. Because now I you literally know I have I have proof with this human that's living with me who watches what I do. He does not for a second care what I say he watches what I do, and sometimes I look at his habits and the things he doesn't like how in the world like we never even talked about this and then you know, like my partner will say well because you're like that and I'm like yeah so I mean it's so it is so so powerful. And we do think that we have to do everything for them and we have to sacrifice and the sooner I think we can get out of that thinking the better for us and for the people in our lives. So 100% agree with you on that.

[39:49] VL: Ooof… that’s a really big question.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and following those urges and those instincts. And then what happened actually, in 2019 was after I come back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and and feel like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going in the gym, but then I started having a more deeper intention. And I build habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my birthday for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to to recognize is that for better people, and those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer was my response was, oh, have you think about before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So I'll be honest, there were a couple things I didn't do on my truck when I was in Guatemala that I regretted and when I came home, I was like, oh, I should have climbed that volcano and I should have done that jungle trek. Right and I do those things and it was because I was still evolving as my own self and loving myself and I didn't. I didn't reach that part of it like I just didn't feel strong enough. So I would say that on the first time I went to Guatemala. That was the first time I started to build that confidence and trust with myself and I think that that was the beginning of really being okay with putting myself first because like I said at the end of the day, it was just me myself and I and it's always gonna be like that even though you're not in Central America, when you're doing it. It could be when you're at home, having dinner by yourself or even if your family is there like you and I are going to be together the whole time. So I think a lot of it was like, the mindset and understanding that like, Oh, I'm having a lot of conversations with myself and I'm pushing myself and you know, my mind's like, don't do that. Do this. Don't do this, do that. And then I'm like, you know, we're just trying to find my path and find my way and follow those urges and those instincts. And then what actually happened, in 2019 was after I came back from Guatemala, a bunch of other things are happening in my life. I was learning to listen to myself more to listen to my gut more and I was like, I really need to go back and climb that volcano and do that jungle truck. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna give that to myself. And the reason why I didn't do those things before was because I didn't feel strong and felt like I could walk six days in a jungle. I didn't feel like I could climb a really crazy volcano in a day and what I did was I started physically training for it. So I was already going to the gym, but then I started having a deeper intention. And I built habits around this and I put it in my calendar that I was going to go for my 29th birthday, which was in February 2020. And I actually did go on the trip and got home just before everything started walking down. So it was a very beautiful experience. And I'm so glad that I did it again. And it wasn't scary to buy the plane ticket this time. And I will say that when I told people the second time that I was going to Guatemala everyone was like, Oh, that's so exciting. I'm so happy for you. And the first time ever it was like you're producing, you're going to get robbed. What if you die there and it's like, Oh, thanks for your current like, Thanks for your support with me doing this. And that's one of the reasons why it's so scary. And I guess that's actually a good point that I didn't mention before is that a lot of people are gonna think that you're crazy sometimes and a lot of people are not going to understand why you have to do the things that you do. And sometimes as hard as this is to admit and to recognize is that for better people, those people are probably just projecting their fears onto you because what I started saying after people were like, aren't you scared or you could die or you could get robbed? It was my answer. My response was, oh, have you thought about it before? And their answer was always no, they've never been and I was like, Okay, well, I'll let you know. And like, it was just like, I know that I need to do this because not going on this trip or not making the leap or not making this change was gonna hurt me more than if I went. It would be more compatible. And all the people were there for me when I got home, my friends, my family, even my boyfriend at the time or my ex boyfriend. They were all there. And nothing had really changed when I was gone. So yeah, I think my parents got a new faucet in their kitchen that I came home to.

So think about the habits you're doing right now. Because if you repeat these habits every day for the next year, and then multiply that by five, this is where you're going to be in five years. And that I think is a huge realization that takes minutes to come to and you don't have to buy the plane ticket to learn to love yourself. You can do it here. You can do it right now and you can do it a little bit every day.

[44:33] KS: Yeah, no. Great, great point. And just like you said, earlier to with, just start with little things like brush your teeth with your left hand or take a different route when you're driving to work or pick up your kids or whatever and just start start really, really tiny and build up over time because I think sometimes we feel like we need to make these huge these huge things like take a trip, leave a relationship, you know, change your job. It doesn't have to be that dramatic. You can start building trust and the little things so I love all of that so great. And I know that you're offering a gift to the audience, can you speak a little bit as well.

VL: So I have two really simple PDFs basically. And I find that they're just nice little starting points for anyone who wants to create a little bit more of a roadmap for their life. So the first one is called dream lifestyle roadmap. And there's also a habit tracker I think one of the things that we don't utilize when we're starting a new behavior or we're trying to create a new habit is the power of tracking it. Because what you're doing is you're physically checking off boxes and that is enjoyment. That is a reward. That is part of the proof and the evidence of all the things that you're doing. so it's completely customizable. you can put in whatever habit you're working on. It also has a couple of different tips for building habits and goal setting and things like that. Because a lot of the times too, especially with the new year, people are goal setting and they see this huge goal, and they're okay like I feel at school.

KS: Awesome. Awesome. And, and just also let everyone know where they can find you so that they can get more of you so that they can work with you. We talked about the podcast where do you like to hang out on social and where's the best place to find great questions.

Dream Lifestyle Road Map + Habit Tracker

www.valerielavignelife.com

IG | @vallavignelife

Kasia Bradford IG | @coachkasiabradford

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Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneFebruary 16, 2022

E167: Ways to Love Yourself Deeply with Blaire Caplan

All. The. Feels. Blaire speaks so boldly about the importance, power, and practices surrounding self love. This is an episode I will be re-listening to again, and again!

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[00:53] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to introduce you to our newest guest Blaire! Blaire, thank you so much for being on the show today like us.

Blaire Caplan: It is an honor to be here with you, my friend.

VL: I'm so excited because something that we're talking about today has to do a lot with habits and for those of you listening if you don't already know my name is Valerie and I am a healthy habit mentor and I often share the tangible practical, small, seemingly insignificant habits and action steps that we can do daily that really help us elevate and raise our vibrational frequency and make us better humans and bring us to you know, the version of ourselves that we really want to be. And one of the things that I find so powerful is the topic lies around the topic of self love. and so, Blaire and I are going to talk all about that today. So Blair, tell us a little bit about what self love means in your words.

[02:02] BC: Sure. Self love, means showing yourself the same amount of love and kindness and respect that you would show to someone outside of yourself. whether that be a partner or your best friend or family member you really care about. Self love means just giving that love to yourself.

VL: Why is this so hard for us to do?

BC: Because we're not taught. Nobody teaches us how to love ourselves in school. I haven't taught geometry and algebra and I know how to annotate my papers, but no one teaches me how to actually love myself and care about myself and give myself the grace that I deserve. We're not taught!

VL: We are not taught that and I'm so glad we're talking about this today because it seems like something so simple that we have heard over and over again and sometimes I feel like self love is a cliche term or self care. And yet, we're still not doing it as simple as it is. So let us know what are some of the things that we can do, some of the habits or rituals that we could do to cultivate this, this love for ourselves.

[03:19] BC: Knowing that you are big on habits, I do want to share a little bit about my morning ritual which has increased my love of self exponentially. There's this man named Hal Elrod and he has a book called the Miracle Morning Routine. And I actually just passed 700 consecutive days of doing this routine.

VL: That’s so cool! Congratulations!

BC: So every morning I've never done anything for that long and it's amazing and it has just changed every aspect of my life. And so every morning I meditate. I worked my way up to a full hour. I move back down to 30 minutes of meditation. I also love different Affirmations, Visualization, exercise, reading and writing. And one of the things I do for writing I actually have my notebook right here. Every single morning I write down I love myself three times and I say it out loud as I write it, and when I first started that practice, it felt like yes, we can just be honest about that because when I started this routine, I really didn't love myself. If I'm being honest, I really didn't like myself. But I knew that if I did not change something, I probably wouldn't be here for too much longer. So when I first started this, I didn't believe those words and I had to quite literally train my brain to learn how to love myself through that repetitive process of writing it down saying it out loud looking in the mirror as uncomfortable as that is saying it to that version of myself that's in the mirror. and that is just changed everything in my life.

[05:04] VL: Wow, that's really powerful. I appreciate you being so open and sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening can relate to what you're saying. I mean, I can. There was definitely a time where I struggled with the same feelings and a lot of the work quote unquote that that we practice really, really asks us to get uncomfortable and get out of those comfort zones and some of them are so silly.

One of the things that I started doing that's kind of similar reminded me when you said look at yourself in the mirror and say these things as every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I'd wink at myself and kind of do like a ‘How you doing!?’ kind of thing, right? And whereas because I was noticing that every time I was looking at myself in the mirror, I look at something I didn't like and I would kind of scoff or scowl and myself and that's really sad to admit like I I feel a little bit emotional during that because that was a really sad time. For that was a really sad part of myself. And doing that one little practice and doing that Wink it started to shift things very quickly, actually. And in that short amount of time I recognize that not only was I looking at myself in the mirror and making it an ugly face that myself but what I was also doing is I was saying things to myself that I would never ever say to anyone else And I would never wish that upon anyone else and they just kept thinking like I wouldn't say that to my best friends, then why am I saying to myself, and when we ask when we ask ourselves those really tough questions We get some pretty, pretty deep answers.

And yeah, it's just the beginning. It's just the beginning of a really deep connection. So share with us when you started this practice. What changed for you what the shifts look like in the transformation for you?

[07:14] BC: The shift started happening probably two or three months after I started doing this every day. And there I remember I was driving down Route 32 And it was just so quiet. And I like I just I pause like I mean I was still actively driving but I just took them on. I was like wow, like there's no mean voice in my head right now. Like no one's telling me that I'm not good enough or that I'm too fat or I'm not pretty like where did that voice go? And I think that was when I really started to realize like wow, there's actually something to this. So that was that was the main shift was the way that I would approach myself and the way that I would speak to myself like you said, like we say things to ourselves when we're in that low vibrational state we just say some of the meanest things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else. And I saw that, you know, after those two or three months, That voice just started to get a little nicer and a little nicer until finally I was like Oh wow, like I'm actually a pretty decent human being I actually do quite a lot myself.

[08:26] VL:

Yeah, and I love what you're saying not because in the beginning, you mentioned you know, you didn't feel that way. So what I'm wondering is as a Certified Life designer, as a mindset coach when you're working with your clients, and they're saying, but I don't believe that about myself, but that's not true. How can I lie to my like, quote unquote, again, error codes, how can I lie to myself and write that down and say that what do you say to that?

BC: We switch it up a little bit and if we're talking about that specific concept, that specific sentence of I love myself, And if a client or even a friend says, oh, that sounds kind of weird. I don't believe that. I don't want to write that down. I say okay, well, what about I am open to the idea of loving myself. Maybe that feels a little bit lighter.

VL: I like that. Yeah. Just shifting it to something that resonates a little bit more give any other examples?

BC: Yes, yes. I find that when we get into reactive mode, there's just this little switch in order to get us back into response and are in creative mode. And something that I like to do and something that I was taught actually is to meet those voices or meet that mindset with the question to meet it with curiosity. So instead of I love myself, or I'm open to the idea of loving myself, what if we met that with curiosity instead, and we asked ourselves, would it be nice if I love myself?

Wouldn't it be nice if I was a little kinder to myself? Wouldn't it be nice if I let life get a little easier? And so when we meet those push backs of self love, self worth competence, whatever it is, if we can meet those with just genuine curiosity, that lightness comes back into play?

[10:25] VL: For sure, asking questions is getting curious. it's all really part of that internal awareness and that mindfulness of self because I bet you, somebody listening, is thinking, oh, I don't do that. And now that we've started to have this conversation about it, We are now going to start to see where this comes up when these thoughts come up. How are you saying it?

Yeah, because it happens whether we like it or not. I'm raising my hand. I have been there I've said and thought some harsh things to myself and that shift really does make a difference.

With my own self, what I recognized was, I would catch myself in the moment and I've asked myself, would I say this to my best friend? And if the answer was no, Then I said, well, then there's no room for it for myself either. And that's when I started to just stop the thought. versus trying to switch up to something else.

The other thing that really worked for me when it came to this life lesson was actually when I bought a one way ticket to Guatemala and I just started to solo travel. And what I realized on that trip was that I was by myself so if I got lost, I couldn't blame anybody else. I had to learn a language that I didn't know before arriving, and that was a really cool thing. All these different experiences that I went through or getting out of my comfort zone really started to become evidence and proof for me that hey, actually, I am a pretty amazing person. I learned a language. I figured out how to cross a country or two countries or three countries by myself in a country that I've never been to before. Or you know, I took responsibility for when I got lost and I figured out how to get back and all of these different experiences really built up that self love muscle if you want to call it. I'm also a Pilates teacher. So I work really well with those kinds of things. analogies like muscle building, and training. So yeah, I think it's so important. Now I have a question that's coming up. So let's say we're getting curious. We're writing it down writing I love you down. We're saying I love you in the new year and are starting to feel a little bit more but then something happens shame creeps in. creeps in guilt creeps in when we make a mistake. We start feeling horrible about it. We start questioning whether or not that I love myself statement is true. What do we do? What do we do?

[13:09] BC: We do our best to extend ourselves the grace that we would extend the friend that message And something that I find myself repeating to myself and to my clients is I did the best I could and I did the best that I could with the information I had at the time that I had it And my best is always more than enough.

VL: Feel like you need to make an affirmation card deck of all this amazing wisdom that you're sharing today.

BC: It is on my future projects list for 2022

VL: Okay, yes it is. I'm just sitting here like I could just pull a card every day with something that you're saying.

BC: Feels so good.

VL: And just write that affirmation down. Do you have that confirmation? Yeah. Oh my gosh, don't you love when that synchronicity kind of aligns. And yes, just a little confirmation for you that your wisdom is appreciated.

What was I going to say now? Oh, yeah. So let's say we're doing the work and we're starting to understand okay, you know, it's not everyday that I feel wholly in love with myself. However, I am learning and I'm growing and this is part of the transformation.

I know you shared for yourself how long it took you to recognize that transformation or that shift. How long do you think it would take for other people or what can people expect when they're doing this practice for themselves?

BC: That is a very difficult question for me to answer and so I think I'm going to end up giving you a non answer answer.

Unfortunately, fortunately, it is not my job to police someone else's healing journey. We all move in divine timing and divine timing is never really good.

So for me, two or three months to see that shift for you, he said a new solid relatively quickly. For other people, they may try to practice for six months and still not feel any different. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with that person. That just means we need to try something else. So I don't know exactly how to answer that. but what I do know is, the more willing you are to do the work And the more consistent you are with those small steps, the quicker you'll see the results you want.

[15:32] VL: I think that's a perfect answer. I think that's exactly even though we might not want to hear it because you know, we're all looking for a quick fix. I think it's very true. And being honest with that is where people are going to see the most transformation and results because they're sticking to it. Getting curious. So let's say we have been doing this practice for a really long time and the journal or the mirror work just isn't really for us. what are some other ways that we can practice self love?

[16:08] BC: I find both in my personal experience and with working with clients that a lot of those feelings of lack of self love and lack of self worth stemmed from childhood, whether it was being bullied as a kid or not having parents that affirmed your worth or you know whatever the circumstances were I find that a lot of that lack of self love starts from an early age and we're just not necessarily aware of it until we become adults. And I say all of that to say a practice that I really enjoy encouraging people to do is to write a letter to your younger self. Whether that be you at five years old when you're 1216 1821 like younger self is relative. But I find that writing a letter to our younger selves is one of the most impactful practices I've come across where we can be completely raw and unfiltered and we can share resentments. We can share grief, we can share forgiveness, we can share happiness, we can share whatever we need to share to that version of ourselves that first and feel that love and by healing that inner child are starting to heal that inner child because feeling is not a quick fix. Healing is a lifelong for whom we can start to tap into that inner child and start to heal those inner child wounds. As an adult we reap those benefits.

[17:35] VL: So glad you said this is a live in powerful exercise and work similar to this before. And what I think is so cool is that if you're in the space where you're actually taking the time and kind of making this more of a ritual of okay, I'm imagining my victory them as I write this letter to them what's really cool is you can actually feel the energetic shift within you in that moment. It's like this. What's that movie with Matthew McConaughey where it's like they talked about the dimensions. Interstellar. It's lightning. Yeah, it's like this. It's like this moment in time, that is the past the present and the future all in one. And it's like, you change your cells change in that moment. I mean, I know this sounds a little bit woowoo. And there was true.

There's this energetic shift, and I remember doing this practice and it was it was really simple. It was more of a meditation, but I could feel my gravitas change, I could feel how I sat up taller and I felt lighter in my body because I told my think I was six years old in my meditation, but I told my six year old self that I was enough. And I was such a cool, cool practice. And I always think about like, oh, the things I would tell younger Valerie when I look at pictures of myself and I'm like, Oh my God.

BC: But you can still tell that younger version of yourself now because they still live within you.

VL: this is so incredible. I think this is so yeah, just really helpful for people to hear and if someone hasn't done a practice like this before, it's such a beautiful ritual. So do you have any tips for when we're writing a letter to ourselves about what we can include, or maybe some of the things we can follow along with?

[22:47] BC: Yeah. Not necessarily to include in the letter, but I may lovingly encourage or even lovingly challenge you to keep an open heart and an open mind. Give yourself permission to feel and give yourself permission to cry and scream and hit a pillow and go for a walk halfway through.

The biggest tip I can give you is to accept yourself where you are as you write this depending on who you are, depending on your childhood and on your past experiences. That letter could include forgiveness.

That's what it was for me. I'm sorry, I didn't give you the love you deserve. I'm sorry that I bullied you just as much as the kids at school did.

For other people. It may be a letter of gratitude again from you so well. Thank you for sticking with me even when I tried to beat you down everywhere I could thank you for being who I needed and going through what you needed to go through. So I could see why I needed to be in there as well.

Maybe it is just the completely raw, unfiltered cuss word filled letter of reason.

It depends and whatever you write is perfect.

It's perfect exactly how it is because it'll be exactly what it needs to be for you as an individual.

VL: I've even written a letter to my future self that I actually opened 10 years after, like I wrote it when I was 20 and I opened it on my 30th birthday. And it was the most incredible birthday present ever gotten and given to myself.

And I actually after reading it a couple days later, I wrote a letter back to myself, my 20 itself. And I thought that was such a beautiful process.

And this last decade has been I mean, I'm sure anyone can can say this the last 10 years of her life has been maybe nothing what they thought it was going to be or everything they thought I was going to be in more and to be able to like I wrote it in purple gel pen.

It was so cool. I was like this is the most surreal thing I've ever experienced. And then being able to write back which I never planned on doing but just intuitively was like my 20 year old self and this two year from my third year old self and so now I want to do it again for my 40th birthday. But I would even say even sooner than that. I don't wait to open it in 10 years even though that was very cool.

So yeah, this exercise is so is so powerful and whatever comes out and whatever kind of flows out of us is just what you said exactly what we need exactly what we need to release or share or hear or our end of our back. And then what do we do about a letter after we've written it depends on the intention behind creating the letter in the first place.

BC: I get a little woowoo I'm here for all the witchy stuff. So for me i i quite literally have like a little cauldron and I do fire ceremony. If you feel called to release that energy release those emotions release that message in that way you can quite literally burn it. I highly suggest you do that in a safe place probably outdoors so you don't burn anything down. But there is a real sense of release and doing a fire ceremony so you could burn the letter after you write it. You can keep it in your notebook and carry it with you and read it as often as you want.

You can do a water ceremony you can go for a walk in nature and find the little creek and you can you know send that letter on its way so again without policing anyone's individual healing journey. I think that depending on the intention behind the letter in the first place, there are many different ways to either carry it with you as an item of strength or release it back out into the universe.

VL: I love that. I love the witchy stuff. I bury my letters. I rip them up. I bury them I burn them. Yeah, all of the things that's so cool. I've never really put it in a walk in the water but there are lots of ponds near where I live.

This conversation has been amazing and I am very excited to incorporate a lot of what you share today in my own practices. Thank you, thank you so much is there before we get into the last part of the show, which I'm very excited to share with you. Is there something that hasn't been said today that you would love to share?

[24:36] BC: To anybody that is listening, I want you to know there's someone out here at that loves you no matter what.

Genuinely unconditionally regardless of your past, regardless of your future. I love you simply because you are born worthy of being loved.

And that comes back to self love as much as I love you. I cannot love you more than you love yourself.

You are born worthy of your own love. And you deserve to do this for yourself.

VL: Okay, well, that's probably going to be the quote for the episode that I - you’re going to make me cry.

And I hope everyone hits the back button on the podcast to re listen to that on repeat. So thank you so much for that. Like Thank you. I feel like we should end here but we can't because we need to know. Now we need to know where can we find you? Where can we follow you? How can we support your business?

BC: Sure, yeah. Well, the best way you can support your business because I teach people how to love themselves is to say yes to learning how to love yourself. That's the best way you can support me by supporting yourself.

INSTAGRAM | @lonewolfe

WEBSITE | https://www.lonewolfdistrict.com/

[26:26] RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

The Energy of Money

The Audacity to be Queen

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Knowing that you’re the baddest bitch in the club no matter what. No matter what.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

That morning ritual 700 days I think 707.

4. What are you currently working toward?

I am currently working towards breaking ground for the Scott Eric Kaplan City of Angels. Right now. lone wolf district is a virtual home base but the long term goal is to have a physical home base for the lone wolves, the people in this world that feel like they don't belong or like they don't fit in or like they haven't had a home before.

That is that as the ultimate goal is to create a literal district of normals to be celebrated for their uniqueness and for their differences but still have a safe place to come home to.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset MasteryVal LaVigneFebruary 9, 2022

E166: A Gentle Approach to a Kick-Ass Routine

One of my favourite relatable conversations with client and friend Candice. Learn how personal development, positive self-talk, and taking things one step at a time can be transformational in habit formation…

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[00:25] Valerie: thank you for joining us for another client experience episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today we're hearing from a friend and client Candice while working together with Candice and I also learned that she is a rebel, which is one of Gretchen Ruben’s four tendencies.

The Four Tendencies QUIZ

The Four Tendencies BOOK

These tendencies are personality profiles that reveal how to make your life better based on how you respond to outer and inner expectations. This is particularly important with creating habits, rules, routines, etc. As a rebel Candice resists both outer and inner expectations which you might think doesn't make for a very good habit client. Actually. it can can anyone even if you're a rebel, you can still create habits and routines. so we don't actually get to talking about this in our conversation for the podcast. but as I was in editing, I thought oh, but this is such a great point to make, with Candice and she was actually part of the 21 challenge that is wrapping up.

And this topic came up again and the whole point of her being a rebel came up again. So the reason why I wanted to share this here is because like I said, Candace and I've talked about this before and other conversations, and I thought it was really really important for listeners to hear as part of an addition to the gentle approach that Candice and I got into in today's conversation. So knowing your tendency especially if you're a rebel, it really offers a sense of relief to those of us who are like Candice who want to create routines but struggle to stay consistent. And if it's part of your personality and your nature, it's easier to give yourself the grace, the compassion and the patience you need to ease into a new habit. So let's listen to how Candace learned to approach her new routines in her experience.

Okay, yeah, let's start with where you were, or what were you feeling before working with me on your healthy habits.

[3:01] Candice: Before working with you, I felt pretty rigid and structured in my habits and was kind of an all or nothing.

After working with you, of course, that that's changed a lot and I've become more intuitive about when I need something and when I need to bring in habits when I need to release habits, and it's a little bit more soul centered on what I truly need, rather than what I think I need or what I think it should be. you know, the enemy we're in should.

[3:39] Valerie: Yeah, it's so easy to get caught up in that and like, we have to do all the things and it has to be perfect. And yeah, I definitely know you mean like the all or nothing. You're either in or you're out you're out. But I think that what people really forget especially when starting a new habit is that you don't actually have to do all of the things at once. So tell us what habit we create together?

[4:04] Candice: We started to - oh shoot we've worked on so many habits.

The first one I think we worked on was morning routines, which then of course led into evening routines as well and which was perfect because it When we got into the root of it.

The evening routines were the thing that was struggling the most and was really like the true thing that needed to be addressed. It wasn't actually like the mornings like my mornings are actually crazy.

Yeah, that was the first thing that we kind of tackled together.

[4:40] Valerie: It’s funny because you're not the first person who has come to me and said Val, I want to work on this specific habit. Let's call it a habit and after listening to them and having the conversation and understanding okay, this is where our starting point is. Actually habit A is totally fine. It's habit b. That's not okay. Or, you know, habit zero or habit however you want to name it. And I think that's what's so cool about being able to talk about something that people think, Oh, it's just habits. It's just so basic and so easy to do. Actually, there's so much more to it and being able to work together and workshops or work together one on one you can really start to see what the focus is and yeah, I love how you were like yeah, morning routines and we're like Wait a second… The evening routines are aware of that. So take us a little bit more into how you made the habit work for you. Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing?

[5:59] Candice: Because evening routines are pretty vague, maybe describe it a little bit more in some of the things that you started implementing some of the things that I started implementing, so we already kind of talked about it had kind of an all or none person. We had to really rein that in whenever I did, when we started to switch up the evening routines. And so I feel like in my gut and when I wanted to do it initially when I was all ready to go, I was just like, Okay, I'm going to start my evening routine today and it's going to be great. I'm going to go to bed way earlier. I'm going to have some journaling time. I'm going to do all of these things starting today and you were like, Let's rather than and that was actually really perfect because then we started out slowly with theory to set an alarm on your phone to like start winding down and then slowly integrate like journaling and integrating a meditation or putting essential oils on the floor and that that really helped ease into it a lot more starting with the phone alarm was key because then I like was able to wrap my head around it that okay, this is the time to settle down. Oh, now it's time for journaling. So it acted as a trigger to get me rolling in the bedtime direction. That was kind of the first bit.

[7:01] Valerie: I love that. I love that we started with just the prompt of saying okay are the triggers. This is what's happening. This is where our starting point is. And then you didn't forget about the whole evening routine that you wanted to create. We just slowly started adding to it and making it more digestible. Are those bite sized habits to make up one full routine? And I think this is one of the things that people struggle with as they see someone with this incredible evening routine or our morning routine. And they're like I need that I needed to our bath journal, Oracle Card essential oil meditation and then I'm going to sleep like a baby but you're like, oh wait, I only have 35 minutes or I only have two minutes before I actually have to get to bed like there's just no way or I'm so exhausted and all these things come up and building that and what I like to call it or refer to it as habit stacking can be really successful in creating and implementing a bigger routine or bigger kind of ritual and with multiple habits and so we broke it down. That's how we made it work for you. And then when it comes to the results, What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?

[8:20] Candice: Initially, once we started to implement everything, one of the big big big hurdles that we kind of came to was if something were to come up and the nighttime ritual didn't go smoothly, or for some reason something came up and I only had 15 minutes when I normally you know have 45 or whatever it was was being okay with the ritual or the routine not going quite right. that habit was offered at night and that's it wasn't it wasn't ruined, you know, like you, you initially might have that feeling of just enjoying it.

So reworking my brain around Well, I still did something tonight I still gotten bed at the right time or I still made time to journal.

A couple this happens, life happens and being okay with that was a big hurdle that we had to overcome, I think was the biggest and most transformative issue that we really overcame, because it's kind of leaked into other aspects of life. I think that's the biggest like, like the outcome that I'm most excited about the most. Yeah, that was like the best part that came out of the routine.

[9:48] Valerie: Oh, that's so great. I don't think that you've ever shared that with me. I love it. Yeah. And it leads me to another question, which is for people who are listening and who are struggling with that consistency and kind of, you know, kicking ourselves because we didn't do the whole routine or the whole day ritual. What would you say is like a key, either phrase or sentence or just like the thing that you had to remind yourself that someone else could also use in their journey.

[10:25] Candice: The initial phrase that pops into my head is Be gentle with yourself. And the second thing that always comes up whenever I have these negative self-talk spirals that don't lie is just I would never say that to a friend. Why am I saying it to myself?

And I think that's one thing that we often fall into whenever we don't do something quite the way we expected.

And so, I think that just being gentle, and understanding that different seasons call for different things, is key and so the phrase that I would say would be I'm being gentle with myself in this season.

[11:15] Valerie: Yep I’m nodding along like yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah. And I love that you also said season, because this is something that I feel like we often forget about habits is that they do change and they do evolve.

And perhaps what our evening routine was before is going to evolve into something new now, and just thank you so much for sharing this today. I feel like this is going to be really helpful for everyone listening and just really taking it chunk by chunk day by day or night by night, I guess because we're talking about eating routines a little bit more simplifying and building on the habits once we started incorporating each of them and when it feels right for us. I think something that you mentioned earlier was about your intuition and kind of following that, and I know that I can make suggestions on the podcast or in workshops or on Instagram.

[12:46] Candice: but when we're really working together is when we can really figure out what works best for you. And that's where that kind of customization comes along. For some people it takes a week of having the timer and then we implement the next habit for another week and another week and then for some people it takes only a couple days for us to get into it or even more than seven days. So yeah, I love all of the things that you shared. I feel like it would be so helpful to a lot of people listening. So thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your experience with us. Thank you so much for having me. I think that your input on everything was so invaluable. The whole time to like sometimes you're just too deep in the forest to see I forget the exact phrase…

Valerie: You can’t see the forest through the trees? I’ll have to look that up!

Candice: Because there were a couple of times when I was like I'm struggling with this and I'm too deepened to focus on whatever, they couldn't see it. So having your input and being able to take a step back. We will wait what about this and just have your bird's eye view a little bit better and have your expertise come in and kind of point out things to help guide me along and it wasn't a few this is your next step. It was like Well, what about this so I have the I felt really empowered to make the next steps and everything with your gentle guidance. So thank you.

[13:47] Valerie: You're so very welcome! Thank you so much!

As I relistened to this episode, I was reminded of so many amazing things that Candice shared, and I really want to highlight a few of them because they are so important and so relatable. I know that myself and the clients that I worked with have felt this way and that's I wanted to highlight a few of the things that she said so one of the things was giving yourself grace, sometimes what we thought we wanted to work on wasn't actually the thing that we needed, so we have to readjust and we have to tweak and you know we have to make those mistakes and we have to hit those roadblocks so that we can understand we fully what really supports us.

And then the other thing she said was Be gentle with yourself. You wouldn't say it to a friend. Why are you saying it to yourself? Why the heck are we still speaking poorly about ourselves or to ourselves? There is no room for negative self-talk and this starts to make me feel really fired up because it is one of the most cutting and useless things that we do as women as humans as just people like why do we keep talking poorly about ourselves, we need to stop this mass. And that I thought was a really important reminder that I wanted to reiterate.

The other thing is that and again, this is something that Candice didn’t necessarily share in the conversation today but just like she is a rebel she also dives into a lot of personal development and understanding herself more and I wanted to share this because I thought it was a really important when you start to learn more about ourselves, and then we start to build those habits, those routines, those rituals, it actually becomes easier to implement these things because we have already identified or we already are connected to ourselves and our strengths and our weaknesses. And when we know these things early, it helps us prepare us for potential obstacles or hurdles. That we could come up against when we're in action. And the more you start to know about yourself either that's through the quiz that I shared today about the four tendencies, whether that's through astrology or human design or your Enneagram or your strengths finder, whatever it is that helps you learn more about you. You will start to notice that your success is not defined by someone else. It's only defined by you and your goals are going to be your goals and not someone else's. And then the feeling word that you want to connect to and the habits that you're creating. These will all start to make more sense and you'll be able to come into alignment with the things that really light you up and what the things that really bring you joy because they're for you and the person that you are here to be not the person that someone else thinks you should be.

I feel like when Candace talks about wanting to do it as an all or nothing, I don't necessarily believe that that is her personality to do things, all or nothing. I think that this has the potential of being a huge impact on what society has kind of told us to do. In this culture and in this type of climate we're getting things done now. And I feel like that's something that's really influenced Candace and her momentum and her movement and her actions.

So if you're feeling similar, I would love to chat more about this with you. I'd love to know what habits you're working on, what hurdles you're coming up against, or even just share how you like to get to know yourself. What are some of the practices you're into or what do you love to learn more about because I'm all about personal development, as you know.

And I know that Candice would love to hear your feedback to screenshot this episode, tag me on Instagram @vallavignelife, let us know that you're listening and share some of the insights and maybe some of the takeaways that you've learned from today or other episodes of the podcast. Thank you again for listening.

It is so important to hear other people's stories and experiences and I'm really glad that you and I have connected here together on this show. So I look forward to doing this again next week with a very special guest and I'm going to leave it as a surprise because you know how I love surprises.

Okay, have a great week, and we'll see you next time!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneFebruary 2, 2022

E165: Exponential Growth through Gratitude

Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. Today I'm excited to share a conversation from a lovely friend who has been impacted by the work that we've done together in creating one simple habit.

Rubani was searching for something more, something better in her life that would help her move from the space of negativity, pain and inaction, something that would break this pattern and bring success to her life.…

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[00:30] Valerie: I've asked Rubani to share her story and experience with her healthy habits as a way to encourage the listener to consider how you could also shift one thing in your own daily life to elevate your energy.

So I have to ask, what were you feeling or where were you at in your life, let's say, before working together.

[1:23] Rubani: Plainly put, I think I was in a place that you could describe as lost. I felt like I felt like I was, you know, I want to say I ran out of options, but I felt like I didn't even know what my options were because I just felt very stuck in the mindset that I was in and I was just so scared of trying anything because everything. Everything felt like it was, you know, giving me nothing.

It almost felt like everything I was trying was failing for me. so I kind of got into this mindset of Oh, why try if it's if it's not going to turn out, you know, you want to be hopeful but at the same time if that's sort of what the pattern

That being created in your life has been showing you it's, you really do get discouraged but you so it was a very hard mindspace to be in because you feel very down in the dumps, if you will, because if you really just you lose hope you have no almost no faith. It's no matter how much someone tells you, you know, it's going to get better or you know, all the pleasantries if you will, you just you just, you just don't know how to find that. That hope and find that light but yeah.

[2:52] Valerie: What was one of the things that you tried that didn't work?

Rubani: What was one of the things I tried that didn't work?

Honestly, simply thinking more positively. I think even just something as simple as that and feel fruitful at the time. And you know, it really just ended up being down the line, you know, a constant effort in changing your mindset and in trying to be as hopeful as possible, but it was it was like I was letting every, every little thing that went wrong. or interpreting the things that went wrong as just a total like, you know, total failure like an example of just, you know, no, no hope available anywhere was just very, very difficult so yeah I don't know if that answers the question.

Valerie: Yeah, absolutely. I feel like there's a lot of suggestions to be more positive and to keep moving forward and try something. And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: And there's just this lack of, I guess, customization or connection to exactly what you're going through what's going on.

Rubani: Exactly.

Valerie: Yeah. I appreciate you. You know, sharing that because I feel like a lot of people listening would also walk can also relate. I know that I've felt that way before and I also am very happy to say that you trusted me. You trusted me and tried something new and offered a creative solution. So let us know what habit we work on together? What do we create together?

[4:29] Rubani: So this is where it was so wild to me because I and I've told you this before, but you know, I will never forget that day when we were sort of just chatting about, you know, what was happening in my life and my, I don't want to call it an inability to make myself sound weak. But you know, I really did feel like I was unable to, to think anything other than, you know, oh, I'm destined for like a downfall in my mentality and my growth and all that stuff. And it's just so funny how you know, you hear people say bring it back to the basics, make it simple, keep it simple, etc, etc. And hearing you that day sitting across from me just saying, You know what, just think of one good thing that happened today. You don't even have to make it sound big by making it like a laundry list of things. Or having it be three things or two things. One simple thing. One good thing that happened there. Remember just sitting there and thinking about it and being like oh, wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. I didn't wake up with the pain that disables me from continuing with my day.

And I know how bad it has been in the past and I still live with back pain. I got chronic back pain, but the point is that day you know, it just allowed me to not worry about this one thing that sort of, I found took a little bit of control of my my mental health and all that but it was just understanding in that moment that you know, there's one thing there's one thing that happened that was good was enough to you know, to understand that you know you are you are able to have good in your life.

You just have to really, sometimes you do have to look for it. But sometimes it's already there. And you just have to sort of do a little bit of scraping and be like, oh, yeah, it was sitting right beside me. Cool. Okay.

[6:33] Valerie: Yeah, I think what's so wild as you said, about this is that you know, all the things that weren't working for you or the positivity like shift to a positive mindset change into this positive way of thinking and it's not that simple and yet it is at the same time. It's, it's reworking it for you because really what we were doing simplified is we were creating a gratitude practice for you, a daily gratitude practice. And my question for you is, what, what made it work for you or what did we do or you do to really make that work for you? So can you take us through like, what that looked like? Yes, I asked you that one day, but moving forward from there, what happened the next day when I wasn't sitting across from you?

[7:17] Rubani: Well, I think at that moment, I realized how, you know, simple it was to just sit and reflect. It's not first of all, it's not easy, but in that moment, I think something just clicked for me and I realized how easy it was to just sit and reflect and understand. You know, something as small seemingly small to someone else and maybe even to me sometimes, as as you know, your back not hurting versus, hey, I applied for five jobs today or I you know, climbed Everest like, No, something as small as that can count as progress can't count as success. So I think in that moment, when I realized that you can just, you know, it's that simple to to reflect and be grateful for something it was like, Oh, this can work. There's so much around me that I can be grateful for, you know, at that point, it was like, okay, the gates opened, you know, you can't stop. So, I think upon your suggestion, you know, I started writing, writing it down, and I've always been a fan of, you know, tangible ways of making ourselves, you know, really retain information and learning. And it's funny, because I've done that in the past I found hadn't worked for me, but again, I think it was just understanding and realizing in that moment how simple it was.

Made me want to do it even more, but it was just because I think and it's not because it was simple. It was because it was simple. And I realized how it could work for me was what made me want to pursue it more. And it you know, the thing is, it's very it I don't know if it's individualistic, but I think it's just I think at the end of the day, it's understanding what works for you, but I just was able to sit down and be like, Okay, I at the end of the day will write down if not just one thing to, if not okay, if not five things. Let's write down one thing or two things that were good, but then it grew from there. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to have warm socks. I'm really glad I had a rain jacket today. silly things like that. But it just allowed me to have honestly more pep in my step and I remember like, reflecting three months, four months, five months, six months, whatever, you know, after being in that initial space and just genuinely being shocked at the amount of progress I made. It's like it happened. I was very intentional with it at the beginning of course, but it's like then it's sort of working on a subconscious level. And it really took me by surprise when I when I was again reflecting and understanding what the change I had made. It was truly like a three like a 360 change in peace.

[10:00] Valerie: Don't tell us too much about it, because that's gonna be my next question for you. But I did want to touch on one of the things that you said kind of throughout the conversation that has really been about how before you were really looking outside of your environment and your situation and looking for change and looking for something that you know wasn't there like you had to create something to make things better. And what we did was, yes, it does fall under the umbrella, the umbrella of positivity and positive thinking, but instead of looking outside or changing something and having to make something happen, what you did instead was you looked at what you already have exactly what was good about what your day gave you or what are you experienced in this time or in this moment. And it was cool to watch you because I remember sitting there across from you and I remember thinking like oh my goodness, like there's just a cloud over your head with a gray cloud and it felt heavy. That's the best way I could describe it. And as soon as you took a moment it took like, I mean, this is like split seconds that happened in what's one thing what's one good thing that happened today, not like what are you grateful for? Right because I write down your gratitude journal. I say it all the time. But yeah, you're in a way that works for us. Right. So what's one good thing that happened to you today? And I could see it was cheesy as it sounds. It was like the clouds parted.

And the sun was shining through you're like oh my god, like but it was like a light bulb instead of the sunshine, you know? Yeah. Wait a second. My back didn't hurt today. And it was this literal, energetic shift. And if people could see right now how I'm I'm kind of like hunched over feeling kind of heavy in their shoulders and then all of a sudden, it was like you grew taller, and you're just and you're like, wait a second, and all of a sudden, that positivity that everybody was talking to you about it. It really puts you into a new perspective. And that's what was so powerful about that moment, and then even more powerful about the work that you did on your own. Which leads me to my final question for you, which is, what results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit? So you were telling us about three months down the road?

[12:33] Rubani: Honestly, I think one of the biggest things and I think I always had this in my mind, you know before because I never really felt like I fit a mold and I don't think anyone really does and I don't think anyone should be into either, but for me, I think it just allowed me to redefine what I looked at as success and progress. And moving away from you know, the generalized, standardized ways that we have been conditioned to, you know, accept ourselves as successful and in showing progress and I think in in redefining the things that I looked at, as you know, as making me grateful and having me feeling thankful it was I think it was it was just coming to I think it gave me peace in many ways because and I kind of wanted to add this before but you know, sometimes it's even in things not working out the way that you want is exactly what you need to have happen for your progress. And that can be looked at as success that can be looked at as progress. I mean, you know, someone from the outside can look in, and sometimes even yourself can be like, Oh, but it should have worked out this way for me to be successful. But, that's not true. But sometimes, sometimes it's not working out of something that brings you peace. I think the biggest thing that you know this taught me is just redefining and reconditioning. I think my way of accepting how I looked at myself as successful and progressing in life. And, you know, today for example, I did a little bit of cleaning in one area of my room and we won't get into this too much, but it's been put off for a long time. But the second I did that I felt I felt so much better. I felt successful to a certain degree. I woke up an hour before this morning. In the last, let's say two to three weeks. To meet that was successful, you know, little things here and there. And that's really what it's all about. Because I think we've been and I think it's completely fair to do is to to look at the bigger picture and look at Hey, you know, now I'm making XYZ amount of dollars versus this that I was five years ago that successful or you know you have a house you have this typical as much as I hate to say it but typical things that you know, we've been told to look at to be like a if you have this you're successful, you don't have this you're not and having that people will still ask you those questions today to to you know, sort of check off in their minds if they find you that way. That way being successful or not, but that doesn't matter. How do you see yourself and I think the biggest thing it's taught me also is how to rely on myself to understand I'm the only one who can give myself this self worth. I'm the only one who can, you know, allow myself to see the world the way that I want to. I'm the one who can make that change.

And that change doesn't have to be grand. It can be small and then it grows from there. And it can take time. It doesn't have to be done in, you know, five minutes. It can take a week but you still get there and it's coming. It's also about letting go a little bit.

So yeah, it's honestly incredible sometimes I'm just in disbelief that you know this mindset even has taken a new home in my head but it has and it's great.

And you know what not every day is perfect like you know life life happens and challenges are thrown at you and you know sometimes you are you wonder sometimes you wonder like if you'll ever be back at the same place you were and sometimes you might not be and sometimes you will but I think I think the work that's been done has been done a for a reason, but it's always going to be with you and you know when I find myself in those moments of you know what, maybe I'm not as stressed and I'm not feeling as great about myself or I am feeling better sorry about myself. I just can feel that openness to let in the joy and let the gratefulness and thankfulness into my life. it is just there. and it's there for a reason because the work was put in the work.

[17:12] Valerie: And I think to like when you say putting the work in what people might be hearing I mean, the actor is so incredible, like you've learned so many things about yourself and what brings you joy and satisfaction in your life. Yes, the work that you put in was such a small habit, such a minor thing that could take one out a day. It was a fact that you stayed consistent with it. I think what's so powerful about this particular habit is that when you are recognizing and measuring the things that make you happy, that bring you joy, that bring you satisfaction, that light up your life that you're grateful for without even knowing it. So subconsciously, you're elevating your own energy and you're calling more things to satisfy you, more things to be attracted to and then you start to discover, you get to define success. you get to redefine success, not how other people see it, but how you see it, how you want to be remembered, recognize things that matter to you. And I think that in itself is so powerful, so there were so many different things that came from this. Thank you so much for sharing this experience with us today. I really appreciate it.

Rubani: Of course! Thank you for having me.

[18:29] Valerie: Well, there you have it. I'm so excited to share this story with you because I feel like a lot of us have felt this flow before, a lot of us have felt this lost feeling and not really sure what to do and that kind of toxic positivity or even just genuine positivity just doesn't feel like enough. And sometimes the answer is simple. It's just not the right fit for us. So how can we customize the things that are meaningful? How can we find meaning in what we already have?

I know I talk about gratitude practices all the time. And if you heard from a previous client and guest, Jennifer

Episode #159 This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

But same thing with Jenny Jenny had her own customized gratitude practice. They think this is something that's so powerful and so underutilized. And trust me when I say when I first heard about gratitude practices, I roll my eyes, but I tried it. I said you know what? It's like the Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. You have to try it out. You have to know if it's right for you and how you can make it yours. For me. A gratitude practice was only going to work if it was a dot jot. format on my notes app on my phone. For Rubani it was one small thing, one thing a day. And for Jennifer we had three separate kinds of customized questions to answer that we're all coming back to gratitude. So tap into what you need and what resonates with you as you listen to the show today. Maybe just take a moment to close your eyes and breathe into what gratitude feels like for you. It could be a person, a place, a thing, a moment, an experience , a memory.

Or it could just be that you're grateful for being in this place and for us being connected because I know that I share it and thank you so much for listening to this week's episode.

Let me know that you're listening to the show by taking a screenshot of today's episode and posting it on social media where you can take me on Instagram @vallavignelife I'd love to see what you're up to and what you're grateful for. And I hope to connect with you very soon.

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

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Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneJanuary 26, 2022

E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Junielle Rosher

E164: Manifest Your Goals with Mindfulness with Elle Rosher

This is truly a wonderful conversation that brings anxious, or futuristic minds back into the present moment without losing sight of our big dreams and goals…

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[1:17] Valerie LaVigne: Elle, welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am so excited to have you on the show today. Welcome. Elle Rosher: Thank you for having me. I'm really excited when we get into it.

VL: Me too, and I am so excited to dive right in. So I'm just gonna go out there and ask for it. But what is so cool about what you do is you are a mindfulness coach. And there are so many different and sometimes complex parts of being a mindset coach and talking about mindset or the power of our brains and the power of our minds and all these different kinds of nuances to that. One of the things that I really find even for myself or I get really caught up in is when I start to set goals whether it's New Year's goals or business goals, or q3 goals, wherever I'm setting goals. I know that for myself, I tend to get really caught up in the big picture and dreaming big and I get so excited about all the things that could become that I actually breezed in that moment. And I'm like wait a second, that's too big for me. And I know a lot of people listening who I mean, the show was all about empowerment and having those big, hairy scary goals if you want to call them up and delicious girls. So I know that I've gone along in that frozen feeling. Where is this? Where do we start with this?

[2:48] ER: Oh, such a good question. Oh my gosh, I love this. So the thing that I think we tend to forget is like if you can imagine it, if you can believe in the possibility that means that it can happen.

And what happens is, we get so focused on where we are right now and the mind and in particular the beliefs that we have about what we are where we are right now. And we apply it to the future. And so like if you're already thinking like, man, like right now I'm only making like $50,000 in my business and I want to make six figures next year. Like how in the world am I going to do that right and then we get focused on the how like, like where we don't have the power over controlling what other people do controlling the weather right? We're not We're not God, we're not a higher power. So the fact that we get stuck in that really does cause us to freeze because we don't know the exact steps that we are going to need to take to get there. And so you know, when you have that big and audacious goal, it's really about how you want to feel and what it would be like and what it would look like. And then and then releasing it in terms of just recognizing that you can only control music and your actions. And so by no means am I saying okay, let's just like when he said like we would release like you know, like those candles, like go up in the air right and like okay, it'll it'll happen right on your dwindling and it will show up like No, no, no, you have to take action. But what's the point of all of that is to allow for the unknown, to be exciting. You know, like, you don't have to know how it's going to happen. You don't have to know the exact steps. Just know that you are capable and that you are deserving of it. You know, like even like being on like this podcast, it was like something that I that I thought about and the way that it happened was like like, I hadn't considered that it would have happened like this where like, I comment and I congratulate you on on that post and then you say hey, we're like, like, come on some time. I hadn't considered that at all. And like, but what happens is like, we'll get caught up in the way that we were supposed to do it, completely eliminating all the other possibilities and not being open to what could happen.

[5:48] VL: I love that so much. I just got goosebumps because I really like to let go but how to make space for the magic and the possibility of what could happen. This has happened to me so much in the last couple of years. I went from working at like three different Pilates studios to owning my own Pilates studio. And I never thought like how would I even do that? I mean, it was a huge, amazing dream for me. And I'm like, and then when I were to share the story of how it happened it was nothing what I thought I never ever thought that it would happen in that way. And I could have never imagined that but because I didn't stress about how it just happened. And again, like it's so cool to kind of look back on all the things that we've done and and where we've come from and even you know things like this, like what you said I left a comment on your post and then it led to this conversation right here right now. So I think that's a really important reminder and I definitely needed to hear that today as well. So let's break this down just a little bit because I like to offer steps and I like to offer tangible practices. That's how I like to do it here. And so we have our goal. It kind of freaks us out and gets us really excited. We have this vision for the future. What should we write about? Do we just kind of meditate on it? Is there something that we're supposed to be doing to tell somebody?

[7:20] ER: I really think it depends on who you are. You know, maybe that visual is really good. Like for me I have a digital vision board as my screensaver on my laptop. I opened it up.

Like that's what I want. right? And for others, especially me, it really helps to be held accountable because you know when things are really hectic or just getting a little down to be hard to, again, like, feel the, the emotion of what it would be like to be in, to achieve that goal, right.

So I think like, the method doesn't really matter, like do whatever feels right to you, but just make sure that you see it on a regular basis. So it's not like the New Year's resolution where we have things from December 20 to like December 31 Or maybe like January 10 and then make this day can you like to stumble on it? And you're like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna do that this year, right? And then you completely forget about it. So I think like once it is something where you see ideally on a daily or weekly basis where you're just constantly reminded and then and then like really envisioning it, I think like that's like the most important thing, right? So be like, like really feeling into it like what would that look like? What would that feel like and get specific, you know, like, are you waking up in the morning with like, it's just quiet, right? like there's no things going off and you can sit down for two hours, have your morning coffee and read and do a buddy yoga like, what does that look like? and that's how you feel? feel free? I feel open, I feel expansive it's like, like those are the things you really want to get into.

[9:22] VL: I think that's wonderful and kind of curates the method that feels best for you. Like if you are someone who's really visual or if you are someone who likes to meditate if you're already journaling, incorporate that into what you're already doing. I think that's great, that's a great tip or if you're not already doing any of those things we could like I just wrote down like digital screensaver vision boards need to do this today.

I'm definitely going to be doing that.

That's a great one. So we have created the practice for us to tap into those feelings to feel, see and really connect to that control. And then we let it go. We release how we release the overwhelming thoughts of it. Now, if you're anything like me, and I know you're an Air sign, this probably resonates with all of us that we can have trouble grounding.

So now basically like we want to release it and we're kind of kind of doing it but we're having trouble like where's the stepping stone or as a starting point how do I get my feet on the ground?

[10:38] ER: What I like to do and again this is just like personal to me but yes, well i i For me like getting grounded. Oh my gosh, like until I really like tapped into who I am as an individual in my air sign, like it just made sense. And so for me like what I need to do is like, like just like starting with like the first couple of steps. You know, like literally just the first three steps and sometimes even that's overwhelming for me. And so I need to say okay, like that's what is that step? Okay, you meet, let's just open up my laptop. Like I'm trying to send that email for example. Okay, open up the laptop. Okay, now, Google browser. Okay, now Google Doc is like typing out the draft that I need. Right? And so I think like just taking those little steps and for me what's also helpful is setting either like a little mental or like actual timers of like five minutes, like, you're not putting any thought into this.

As in, you're not going to overthink it, right? You're just going to put the amount of thought that is needed to execute on the task and that alone, because I find that if I'm overthinking again I'm stuck. I'm not really getting anywhere. But if I like having a dance party or I'm feeling really good. What would take me 20 minutes under stressful situations takes me to it.

You know, and so once I know what those first initial steps are, and again, I'm in that right?

I wouldn't say bright but a positive, a good empowering headspace and, and, like emotional space. That's when I find it's really easy for me to do. And a way to kind of check in with yourself is to figure out what you are, what you're doing. I would like to do this. And if this is a oh yeah, like I genuinely genuinely want to do this. And for that you should really ask yourself why you're doing it. Like is it because someone told you to do it? Or is it because, like, again, when you're envisioning what you want for yourself, these are the kinds of things that you need. To do this because the truth is that there does come a point where we need to sacrifice what we are currently doing or parts or the little thing that we are currently doing that hinders us from going to that next level, right? A lot of the challenges that we have is that you're holding on to a lot of baggage, a lot of weight and we need to kind of like release it in order to incorporate right. So like really check in with yourself and ask why you are doing what you are doing and build that self trust.

[13:50] VL: Oh self trust!

That is not always an easy thing to do. But I will say something that really helped me build trust. This was like, very early on in my business, taking baby steps was taking action. So if I said today, I'm going to send an email. I had to send an email today to build that trust. And if I didn't send that email, I would lose trust with myself. And I'm sure you have learned this a little bit more about me since I've met a healthy habit mentor and I talk about, you know, different healthy habits as a unit corporated into our lives. So as you're describing, you know, checking in with ourselves and taking those actions to get to a bigger vision or that lead us to that bigger vision. You know, whether it's letting go of something or incorporating something in it. Those are the little actions that help move the needle forward. But it's not about like you said, you know, twiddling your thumbs and waiting for the manifestation to appear. It's about doing something, doing the work, doing that small thing that we're implementing each day. And for me building trust with myself meant doing what I said I was gonna do, but it doesn't have to be. I think this is where I get the most stuck because one of my strengths and also my weaknesses is that I am very future oriented or very futuristic. I can see like any runnable future for you to describe your business to me, I would be like, Oh, I know that you're doing things like this podcast episode is only the beginning of something great and I can like fire you overwhelmed with excitement. And I do it with myself too. And then the next day, I'm like, oh, that's big. That's big dreams. Like, really pull the reins on the horse like whoa, and then all these things start to creep in. Whether it's like a negative mindset and limiting beliefs or like excuses, oh, I can't send that email today because of this. Right? So I feel like that's where the negative self talk starts to come in. So I like that you said you know, get yourself in that positive mindset. And that could also be something that people customize for themselves too. Right? Do you love dance parties and listening to music? Do you love moving your body or going for a run or just being outside in nature and really tapping into that, what I like to call a frequency or energy because that's kind of what actually pushes us physically forward. And that's where I think a lot of that magic happens and a lot of that transformation happen.

[16:45] ER: yeah, yes. And what came to mind as he said, that was, you know, like when you think about, like dieting for example, if you're trying to change up the way that you eat, it can be really difficult to remove most or if not all, like the junk food or the or like things that like aren't really helpful for that goal that you have in mind. But if you add in more of the healthier options, that will eventually kind of shift what you're doing and so, you know, I think that it can be detrimental to kind of go down that rabbit hole of like oh, why do I have this negative self talk and then you kind of like piece it back to like your childhood and now you're kind of stuck there. When in reality, if you just incorporate a little bit more of that positive self talk, right? Like maybe like listening to an episode of this podcast, right, just getting you more in that headspace and, and how you want to feel, then it really does become easier to do that more and more and, and build that habit of just like being kind to yourself, like, let's stop being roommates with ourselves and let's be our best friends. Let's be our cheerleaders. Because I mean, we're living with each other for the rest of our lives. So like we have to, we have to be kind, we have to make nice to be with ourselves, you know?

[18:21] VL: I love that I've never really heard that kind of phrasing before. of, you know, being in a relationship with ourselves and being kind to ourselves. So what would you say are maybe like, three ish or more if you want habits of how we could be kind to ourselves daily, like what are some things that we could do every single day to cultivate this relationship?

[18:48] ER: Oh, I like this question. Okay, let's do like a, like a physical, spiritual, emotional thing. Okay, so like, physically doing that thing for yourself that you present like that just makes you feel good. So for me, it's showering like, I don't know if it's because when I was younger, I'd always take showers in the morning. But whatever that is, whatever the case is, until I take a shower like I don't feel like myself, you know? So some do things that physically make you feel good.

Emotionally, cheering yourself on, like going back in and seeing something that you're really proud of yourself. for doing.

And, and again, just really like sitting with that and appreciating yourself for that. And oh, and to another thing for emotionality is like showing yourself grace, if you do something that you weren't proud of or like you made a mistake or if you failed, I'm using that with air quotes.

Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. but mentally is too kind of like I don't want to say like affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day, and kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome.

Because that's like a whole other thing, but being kind to yourself, and then let's see resume a mental one, mentally, was not so emotional actually. But mentally is kind of like I don't want to say affirmation per se, but kind of like a see that you want to embody for that day. And kind of thoughts that you are going to welcome in order for that to happen in setting what I refer to as internal boundaries. So like any time, that negative self talk comes in, because you have set an intention to to divert those thoughts. You're able to catch it quicker. You're like, Oh, I see you and I'm acknowledging you and I'm labeling you. Right. I'm not mad at you. You don't think thank you for showing up. You're clearly indicating to me that this is a time for me to feel loved again, before I go back out into the world right? so thank you negative self-talk for showing up. Okay, now let's redirect this so that it's more positive and conducive to my well being and continue on from there.

[21:25] VL: Those were great!

Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's And then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, How do we know if we are on the right track? or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?

[21:55] ER: Okay, so let's say now on our journey, we are starting to implement kind of a mixture of these different things maybe one week we focus more on the physical next week and next week mental so you know try it on see what that's and then let's say you know, we're doing things we're taking the action and some time goes by, how do we know if we are on the right track? Or how do we know we're in alignment with that future goal?

If you find that you are in more of like, the the mode and the mood that you had envisioned for yourself and if you are able to if you see, I don't like It's hard because you like you want to, like be positive, but then you don't want to go into like that toxic positivity like, oh, I'm thinking positive thoughts all the time.

But sometimes in order to like to really recognize change, you need to see what you are doing differently. And that might be like, like, less like negative self talk, you know, like, maybe you are taking more action.

Maybe there you find that you have more time to be creative. You know, like to give you a perfect example six months ago, I was just so fixated on my business, that I wasn't really doing much of anything for myself per se, you know, and then just recently my partner and I, we started our like gift shopping and I saw a hand lettering book in in chapters, and I've always wanted to try my hand at calligraphy. And so I said, Oh, you know what, yeah, let me pick up this book and you know, like, I've been dedicating time to do that and it's been fun and I have like my candle lit. I got some nice calming music going on. And you know, set time for myself whereas like, pass out what's not doing you know, so like, just like recognizing how far you've come and, and allowing that to be enough no matter how no matter like the distance you've gone, you know, because maybe it's just the fact that you have more awareness that you are growing, you know, or maybe it is something a bit more substantial that you're noticing. It really doesn't matter what it is just being present and recognizing that.

[24:17] VL: Yeah, I think that's special to recognize where you are and how far you've come. I mean, like I said, I wanted to play studio for a very long time. And if you asked me when I was 19 or if you told me when I was 17 like you'll have it right before you turn 30 You're good to go. Pilates studio. I feel like that's so far away. I can't wait 10 years for that. So you know, reminding yourself of the work that you have to doing and that it does take time and you don't have to know how like we've been we've been talking about but trusting that if you keep doing what you're doing that you're going to grow and I also think too, as much as I love goal setting, and there's something really important to recognize that there. We leave room for the magic. we're also leaving room for surprises, surprises of like, oh, I didn't know this was really interesting. Oh I didn't know that slavery was going to bring me so much joy. I didn't realize it was going to be so, such a huge part of my self care. Right.

I’ve been learning French on Duolingo for over 500 days in a row. Honestly, it started as something for me that I was like I need to turn my brain off every time like I'm not sleeping well because like all I'm thinking about is work. So I thought okay, well, my brain is busy so I want to do something. But how can I switch gears for something that's not working like meditation was just not working for me anymore? Like I can't, my brain is going crazy. So then I thought oh, learning any language would be really cool because I have to think in this new language. I can't think about work and do it in French. So, so yeah, I started doing that. And then it became just like, it became a meditation for me because it was just like anytime, you know, I was learning something and now that I built it up like, again, I think that I would be doing this for over 500 days days. That's pretty crazy.

But I'm so glad and I'm loving this skill and maybe one day that you're running my business in Paris and speaking in French, so maybe the content will become bilingual. So I'm leaving room for magic and for surprises.

[26:50] ER: Because here's the thing, like we don't know ourselves fully until we experience things right. It's like you don't know that you don't like that for me and you love me and until you dry it right? Like if you can go into the same restaurant eating the same meal over and over and over again, to the point where like you don't deviate from anything you have you aren't leaving room for those surprises. You know, and so that's just like perpetuating the version of you that is here right now. But that isn't allowing for that future you to really show up the way that you want to write the way that you have set that goal.

[27:33] VL: Yeah, absolutely. And it really can be as simple as it sounds like setting a theme for the day. I do this every morning where I stir my coffee and I'm stirring an intention into my coffee. I'm like how do I want to feel today? But I want to be today. How do I want to respond to things today? And that's something that's become such a ritual for me for the last probably a year that I've been trying it out and it really works for me and what's great about it is it can change and evolve as humans do. So you know today I have an interview with you. I have a lot on my to do list today. So today one of my intentions was to be present because I wanted to be in the moment and not think about all the things and so actually it's so funny that we're talking about this today because I have a lot of things to do in a very short two week deadline. And I'm like, okay, don't panic, it's going to be okay. This will all work out somehow it always does. So, and then what I ended up doing was because I have two weeks to get a bunch of podcast episodes done and a bunch of other things done that I wrote down. I called it my project management calendar. And I said I want all the little due dates of the next couple of weeks and then I'm just like plugging in, you know, what would be realistic for me to edit this episode and when can I start writing about this, the show notes and all that stuff. But you've given me such an idea to maybe write an intention for each of the days of like, okay, like this is the goal for today is actually to feel this. Yes, this is the outcome that I'd love to have and have this episode ready to go. But this is how I want to feel when I'm doing it.

[29:14] ER: Because then your energy is what's really driving the level of a good friend of mine who's actually Ontario's own poet laureate, Randell Adjei he, he once said You know, it's not about managing your time, the lesson is about managing your energy.

And so if you're, if you're, again, catastrophizing like, oh, gosh, I have all these things to do because of the deadline, like you're just draining your energy. So it's going to be this uphill battle because that is what he said. He basically said, Oh, I don't have time, is GUI dead, right? Oh, my gosh, I'm stressed right? Whereas if you are just bringing yourself back to the present moment of Yeah, right now I'm stirring my coffee. Like, how awesome is it to have the ability to just have this like this, this mindfulness moment. We started my coffee and setting an intention and doing all of that, you know, like, this is amazing. and that way like you're keeping your energy right now in this moment, preserving it and using it when you need to and using it in, in a, in a way that actually feel the you instead of depletes you.

[30:32] VL: For sure 100% That's exactly what it's like. because I have in the past spent more time worrying about something on my to do list than I do actually taking action on it. and I know that if I spent just as much time worrying about it ever just as much time doing it as I have worried about it, or energy for that matter, it would have been done by now.

[30:50] ER: Yeah, and doesn't it feel like you already did it 10 times over by the time you actually sit down to do it and do it over and over again?

[30:59] VL: Yes, and more often than not, I finish fast and I'm like, Well, that wasn't that bad.

[31:07] ER: Exactly. And so like, again, just recognizing a lot of that.

A lot of that is like pride and ego coming into it and not really you. You know because I wanted to do and when you are in your element, like in the flow of things and doing what you're supposed to be doing what you're meant to be doing. It's so much simpler. But then when the negative self talk when ego was like, like past situations happen, or you start thinking about those past experiences. It just, it just rains on your parade. It just crashes your party and it's not great, not great.

[31:55] VL: Oh my goodness Elle this has been such an incredible conversation. I feel like there were so many golden nuggets that you shared today. I did make some notes. I'm very excited to be sharing this episode with the community as well. and where we go into kind of a final segment of the show I did want to ask is there anything that hasn't been said today that you wanted to share before we move on?

[32:23] ER: Yeah, to me, talking about being present, being mindful of the fact that a lot of your energy will come from or like energy depletion will come from ruminating on the past. And catastrophizing, the future, that nine times out of 10. If you are able to do either of those. You are currently in a state where you can be in the present moment and be the person and be doing the things that are helpful. to you and your wellbeing you know, so it does take a while to catch that. like I even find that there's times when I find myself deep in a conversation with some man that isn't here. like whoa, okay, hold on. I'll bring it back.

Bring it back. We are not with that person right now. What are we doing? Right? So recognize that that will take time, but just building that awareness is so important, and that's always like the first step. And then the second thing I'd love to add as well is that whatever steps you are at, that is the stuff where you see and you're not supposed to be ahead and close your eyes or you're not behind. You're just exactly where you will be. Even if you feel like you are at step three and you still have like 99 more steps to go. Step three is just fine. You will eventually get there. But no matter what, whatever you learn from this current stuff is actually what is needed for the next step. Right so don't be worried about trying to like, skip ahead or kind of fast track things, in hopes that you'll get it sooner because maybe the timing isn't what matters, and the outcome is it.

[34:54] VL: That was a perfect note, to have a perfect note to end the conversation on I feel like this is an ongoing journey with ourselves and really connecting to how we change and how we grow each day and what that looks like what that feels like because really when we have these big goals are not an instance essentially get there tomorrow, but things do need to change to get there and that can be uncomfortable and that can be sticky and that can look like a lot of different things for different people. So really just taking it day by day, being present, being being okay with where you are and knowing that this is where you need to be I think writing all those down.

[35:35] ER: Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's like it's like that saying that's like I'm probably gonna like where they say like what you do in 10 years. It's like exponential what you do in one year, or maybe even condense like what you do in a year is so much bigger than what you do each day. Because each day is like you're building up, and you're gaining momentum to buy so that by the time the end of the year comes around, you've actually been working a lot of work even though you were in it. It didn't feel like it at the time, but when you look back Oh, like okay, no, I've made a lot of progress. 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years. There we go.

[36:16] VL: 100% I think I think what you're talking about is people overestimate what they can do in a year but underestimate what they can do in 10 years.

[36:25] ER: There we go.

[36:31] VL: I know what you're talking about. Yes. Yeah, it's so true. I do this. amazing Okay, let us know where we can find you, where we can follow you and how we can support your business.

[36:44] ER: Elle Rosher @ellerosher

[37:51] RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading?

Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza

2. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Living life on your own terms because you deserve to have it.

3. What is your longest standing habit?

Okay, I'm gonna have to say Duolingo I've been doing that for like 274 days straight.

4. What are you currently working toward?

Embodying my authentic self. Like she is really cool. And she's also kind of intimidating. And she's also kind of intimidating.

VL: Thank you so much, again for being on the podcast. This has been an absolute pleasure. I like the only thing that I'm thinking is how have I not had you on the show sooner? But everything in its timing. So I'm dressed at trusting the house trusting the process. So I'm really glad that you commented on my Instagram post and it led us to this and I'm excited to see where our relationship will move into the next elevation the next growth like what Yeah, and I also want to acknowledge you for everything that you're doing the pivot that you're making, the shifts that you're taking, and also the people that you're helping. I know I haven't known you for very long, but even just after this conversation, I feel very full and very happy and joyful speaking with you because I know that like this authentic energy that you're talking about. I feel like you were able to speak so openly. And I'm so happy and excited with myself today. We don't really know each other that well for people to say. Yeah, I kind of like actually connecting even though we have lots of mutual friends. But what's so cool is being able to now kind of like watch your journey and watch your evolution and see where all of these amazing things are doing take you so, super, super, super excited for you and for your daydreams and just know that I'm in your corner.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneJanuary 19, 2022

E162: Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022 [PART TWO]

Create new lifestyle patterns, behaviours, and habits with these four simple phases you can start putting into practice to make this year GREAT!

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[00:38] Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, we are diving right into this new year with today’s episode all about creating new lifestyle patterns for 2022 or any year for that matter.

If you are new to the show, welcome, I’m Valerie, your Healthy Habit Mentor and I am thrilled for this new year.

Last week on the podcast I shared the first part of this two-part series. It was all about letting go of old patterns. Technically you don’t have to listen to that episode to tune into this one, although it is very helpful to make space for new patterns if we clear out some old ones. Episode 161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

In the previous episode I shared a list of behaviours, habits, and patterns that I was letting go of to create space for the new lifestyle patterns I am bringing in for 2022. When I talk about lifestyle patterns, what I’m speaking about is anything from habits, to mindset, to routines, to emotional responses, and anything and everything in between!

With that being said, I do recommend starting small, but we will get into that shortly. We have to remember that a lifestyle pattern is something that is repeated again and again. Therefore we want to make sure we create a new behaviour/routine/practice that we can easily duplicate so that it becomes habitual.

And if you’ve ever worked with me before, or if you’ve been following along with the podcast and/or instagram then you will know, we always start with our intention.

This brings us to the first phase in creating new lifestyle patterns.

[02:27] Phase One: Initiation

Decide what the new behaviour/habit will be, AND why this is important to you. The reason why will become the value or driving force and motivation for your actions. Your intention could be how you want to feel, or a bigger goal the habit supports.

Examples:

Drinking your daily greens mix because you want to feel healthier and happier

You want to build a consistent workout routine because you want to feel more energized in your body and eliminate back pain

Weekly CEO dates with yourself because you want to impact more people through your business

Knowing WHY you are doing something is the heart and soul of the new pattern you are creating. Remember that habits are not habits yet, they are first new behaviours and the brain performs new behaviours differently than it does with habits. We need repetition and time to make a behaviour automatic. Because new patterns form in the prefrontal cortex, the brain is more aware of these and the motivation for making this new habit will be part of this awareness that motivates us.

Speaking of motivation, this helps us with phase two of creating our new lifestyle patterns

[4:33] Phase Two: Trigger or Cue

Forming a new habit requires a trigger that sets the habit in motion. The trigger or cue follows the formula, when this happens, then that follows. “This” is the action or behaviour already part of our routines aka the cue, and “that” is the new behaviour we are creating.

You can use current automatic behaviours as triggers for your new habit. Let’s use our examples:

When I go to the kitchen to brew my morning coffee, then I mix my daily greens

When I finish work on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:30pm, then I go to the gym on the way home

When I see the CEO day in my calendar, then I focus on this intention for the time blocked in my schedule

Some of our new patterns will be daily and others only a few times a week, so it helps to be as specific as possible. The triggers can be even more specific such as putting on workout clothes, or sitting at my desk on fridays.

Here are some other helpful tips to create your new habit in this phase:

Get specific: Schedule two specific times during the week you will go to the gym, and schedule it at the same time every week.

Plan ahead: have your greens powder on the counter, so that it’s the first thing you in the mornings

Set reminders or alerts: Create an event in your calendar for your CEO days. Perhaps it’s once a month, or maybe once a week. Edit the event in your electronic calendar to remind you about the event in advance. You can adjust it and add multiple reminders.

As an extra note: I find with events like this one, it also helps to get specific with which tasks you will be doing during this blocked time. For example, when I am doing my podcast producing, I add this into my calendar as “Podcasting” and in the notes section write out which episodes I’m working on, am I recording, or am I writing out the show notes? Am I designing the cover art, editing? Having this ready for me when I get to that time really helps with my productivity.

The third phase of creating our new lifestyle pattern is

[7:54] Phase Three: Routine

In last week’s episode I shared three little rituals for letting go, and I mentioned that these were great little ceremonies to jumpstart our initiation phase. However, they were not going to actually change our behaviours right then and there, we actually have to perform the new pattern and then repeat it over time for it to become our new habit.

This is what phase three is all about, actually doing the work. Sometimes when I hear myself say “do the work” I notice that that isn’t always a positive phrase or word. Not everyone thinks of “work” as a good thing. This is why enjoyment is a crucial component to creating new habits.

When I say “do the work” I really mean get into action. Since the key to habit forming is repetition, you’re more likely to repeat something you enjoy doing.

Let’s use our examples:

You might not love your greens powder, but it could be more enjoyable when you drink it from a fancy cup, or you enjoy new recipes so you blend it into a yummy smoothie.

If exercising isn’t your favourite, listen to a playlist or podcast you love while you workout.

You don’t enjoy the backend of your business, so make your CEO days more fun by having them at a new coffee shop or co-working space. Invite a business bestie to join you and you can support each other in your businesses, more like a mastermind. (P.S. This is a bonus in helping you with accountability!)

I also want to mention that it’s very important that we start with a small changes approach: swap one unhealthy habit at a time. Super small changes are more attainable and realistic and will build confidence and momentum for us. Then, we can build more healthy practices over time; stacking our habits.

Speaking of confidence and momentum, our final part of the new habit creation is

[13:38] Phase Four: Reward

Making your habit enjoyable is amazing because it’s kind of like having a built-in reward system for while you’re performing the new routine. A strong “why” attached to your habit will also support enjoyment and fulfillment. However not every single day of the routine will be enjoyable and you might not feel the desired feeling or intention right away. This is why creating rewards for completing your routine is so important. It becomes positive reinforcement for you to repeat the new behaviour.

If possible, you want the reward to come right after you complete the routine. Just like when I puppy is learning new tricks, when the puppy sits you say “good puppy!” and maybe a treat or lots of pets are involved and the puppy knows it did something good so it wants to repeat it again to get more treats and love.

The reward system is going to be different for everyone as we all have our own habits, intentions, and preferences. Here are some examples to get your wheels turning:

Drinking greens: Just like making the bed in the morning, drinking a shot of green juice in the morning can be a quick win for the day. Consider it a one and done, check off the box, success for the start of your day. If coffee is also a part of your morning routine, something that I do is drink water - in our example greens - BEFORE having the coffee and then the coffee becomes the “reward” so to speak as I can only have it after I drink my water/greens.

Working out: Physical exercise is one of those habits that give immediate emotional results. This is because working out releases endorphins in your body that make you feel better and happier. If this post-workout glow isn’t enough, consider rewarding yourself with a delicious protein smoothie after your workout, or take a moment to notice how much energy you have and how your back is not in any pain.

CEO dates: Share your wins with your business besties, or perhaps with your social media network. If you’d rather keep your meetings to yourself, have space at the end of your meeting to write out something you’re really proud of that happened this week, or one of your wins. End the meeting on a high note, even if it wasn’t your best week yet. There is always something to be grateful for and the energetic vibration of gratitude and appreciation is really the highest vibration you can feel.

You can also create milestone markers/rewards. If your habit is daily perhaps your reward comes at the end of each week of consistency. If your habit happens a couple times a week, maybe your big reward is celebrating every month. And if your habit is once a week or a few times a month, you can celebrate monthly, or quarterly.

Forming new lifestyle patterns and habits will be a different process for each of us. Following these phases doesn’t really have a specific timeline, so if you’re mapping out the phases in your calendar for your habits, leave room for flexibility, or adjustments.

You might surprise yourself when you write out a 2x a week workout plan and find that you can actually get to the gym 3x per week. And be gracious with yourself if you aren’t doing your habit as often as you say. Start where you are, you can always build on from there.

If you’re listening to this episode around the time it comes out I would love to invite you to create your new habit with me and a community of empowered women starting 2022 with our healthy habit in the 21 Day Habit Challenge! This is a completely free experience and we are completing the challenge together LIVE!

If you visit the link post-challenge, you might see that there is a waitlist for our next challenge, please feel free to join the waitlist as I am planning on doing a few more challenges this year wink-wink!

Thank you so much for joining me and I cannot wait to hear what new patterns and routines you are creating! Take a screenshot of this episode and tag me on instagram @vallavignelife so I can see what you’re working on and what episodes you’re loving!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneJanuary 5, 2022

E161: Two Part Process for Letting Go of Old Patterns [PART ONE]

Make space for more joy, more compassion, more opportunities, more things that excite you by letting go of old patterns and limiting beliefs…

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[00:28] Hello friend, thank you for joining me for the very last episode of 2021. There is something so magical about this end of year energy. Don’t you think? This ending of a cycle or closing of a chapter of our lives.

Truth be told, I get a little emotional thinking about this past year. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt so up and down, or so lost for so long ever before. I also revisit incredible memories and events of the year. So much to celebrate and be thankful for.

Although I have many rituals I like to practice at the end of the year, a few of them I’ve shared on this podcast, one of the common themes of these rituals and for the end of the year is letting go.

I was chatting in the DMs on instagram with a friend of mine, Alisha, and she has given me permission to share our conversation here because I thought it would be very helpful for others to hear as well.

Alisha wrote to me:

I hate that “let go” phrase. How do you let go? I can’t take something that bothers me and then just let it go and not let it still affect me.

And then I replied: That is a great question, and I also understand that you don’t like the phrase “let go” because it’s not that simple. Basically what I thought of - as corny as it sounds - is thank it for how it served you and how it brought you to this place and decide that this is no longer for you. Break up with it. Release it and say that it’s not empowering you anymore. And because of this it needs to go. It needs to not take hold of you anymore. And that’s a decision to empower yourself and when you make that decision everything else just falls away. It just lets go on it’s own. And you have to decide that you longer want to hold onto it. And it’s like a physical release in your body.

This also made me think of a metaphor: When the time is right you will be able to “let go”

It’s like how a flower starts to open up from a bud. It’s so tight and coiled in on itself and as it grows it “lets go” and unfolds and opens into a beautiful flower/leaf and it is whole and its full self. This is something I’ve learned a lot from my plants this year.

They did not bloom in my timing, they bloomed in their own timing. And yes, I did say that the end of year has this beautiful energy of releasing and renewing, however this might not be YOUR letting go time. And I believe that timing is so important.

If you’re listening to this episode and you feel that it is really resonating with you then I encourage you to experiment with the practices I’m going to share.

If the timing doesn’t feel as aligned, you can still experiment as you please, but know that these practices might be more effective in different timing, and this is okay!

There is also a part of me that really believes that if you are listening to this episode, there is some sort of diving timing working with us; bringing us together in this moment. Perhaps you can feel into that more?

[05:14] Let’s start off by defining what letting go means for us. To me it means deciding that I will no longer give it my energy. This could be mental, emotional, or physical energy. It’s about choosing to spend my mental/emotional/physical capacity toward the things that bring me joy. Spending my time and energy on people, projects, habits, and thoughts that empower me instead.

What does letting go mean to you? Have a think on it, and write it down in your journal or open up a new note on your phone.

When you understand what it means to you, you will have a better idea of how you can release the things that are no longer serving you. Your next step is to decide what you are letting go of, or leaving behind in 2021.

For this step I encourage you to write a list including feelings, limiting beliefs, bad habits/behaviours, and more. It may also help to think about what you want to bring in for the new year (more on this in our next episode) and the things that hold you back from these new more meaningful things.

Take your time writing these out, and come back and add to the list as you need. You can also pause the episode if you’re doing the practice right this moment.

[06:56] Here are some of the things I’m personally letting go of and leaving behind in 2021:

Sticking with commitments because I think I should, even though it can feel tough for me to move on, especially with unfinished projects

Saying yes to things that are not a “hell yes!” for me
Hiding or limiting my multi-passionate and purposeful self; I sometimes think I have to be one thing or one way or an expert at a certain topic. I think one of the many reasons I love being a Healthy Habit Mentor is because this is really infinite and supportive in ways beyond what we might initially think of
Ignoring my gut instincts
Expecting others to do as much as I do, or move as quickly as I do. Going back to what I said about timing, I need to respect others for their own energy and timing

Now there are a few little rituals you can do next to let go so to speak. These are mostly physical practices, however the true release in my opinion comes from the firm decision to recognize that something is no longer for you and then emotionally releasing it as well. These little rituals are a physical representation of this, and then the continued work would be to practice the new behaviours and stop doing the old patterns.

[13:09] I wanted to make this a two-part episode because when we let go of one thing, we are really making room for something new. In part two we’ll discuss Creating New Lifestyle Patterns for 2022. For now, let’s create that space.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number One:

Burn your list. Yep I said burn it. With actual fire - as note I would like to remind you that fire is not something to play with, and to be safe when burning anything. Write out your list of words, behaviours, habits, etc. on a piece of paper, crumple it up and throw it in a fireplace or fire pit. Watch it burn away. See how the flames burn the paper and the smoke rises up releasing the old patterns into the atmosphere. They are no longer yours.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Two:

Bury your list. Yes, rip up your paper into tiny pieces, dig a hole in the ground and bury the ripped up paper. Ripping up the list allows you to physically tear and separate the unhelpful behaviours from us, while burying the list gives our troubles to Mother Earth who can decompose and use our old patterns as recycled new energy.

Little Ritual for Letting Go Number Three:

Recycle your list of old patterns. That feels like a super millennial thing to say haha! If you don’t want to burn or bury your list. Write it out on paper - or even better in your phone notes and delete the list permanently or recycle the list in the bin. Before you delete it, go through each item and say in your head or out loud: “thank you for bringing me to this place in my life, I no longer need you.” To each of the items on the list. Then trash it.

Depending on what’s on your list, this can take a little more time. These little rituals are meant to be the beginning of letting go of these things. The ongoing practice begins with the small actions you take each day moving forward. We release the old patterns to make space for the new things we want to bring in, so once you’ve done one of these rituals with your list of things you’d like to release, tune into next week’s episode for the things you can replace your old patterns with.

Until then, send me a DM on instagram @vallavignelife and share some of the habits, patterns, behaviours, or limiting beliefs you’ll be releasing this year.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneDecember 29, 2021

E160: Best of 2021/Holiday Party

Counting down the top five episodes of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast in 2021 and festive bonuses and more!…

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Hello and welcome back to another Holiday Party/Best of episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! I am your host and healthy habit mentor Valerie LaVigne and today we’re counting down the top 5 episodes of 2021!

If you’ve never listened to a holiday party episode before, I sprinkled in some little festive recipes and things between our episode countdowns andddd without giving too much away, we do have some special guests returning to the show to help me with the countdown.

Past Holiday Party Episodes:

Episode 109: 2020

Episode 59: 2019

Now there are some traditions for the show and the first is that we do a *cheers* to 2021! Today I’m drinking a delicious recipe I found on a blog I love. The drink is called Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch by Half Baked Harvest.

Holiday Cheermeister Bourbon Punch

Wherever you are, and with whatever you’re drinking, please join me in raising a glass celebrating a year that was without a doubt one we will remember. In some ways it feels like this year just started, and in other ways I thought it would never come to an end. Needless to say there is so much to be thankful for. For myself, this year had some really high-highs, and some really low-lows. Producing this podcast was a huge part of my health and wellbeing this year because it gave me purpose. Extra special shout out to all the listeners, you’ve meant more to me than words could ever express.If you’re listening to this episode I want to send you all the love, health, happiness, and joy for the end of 2021, into 2022, and beyond!

Cheers!

Our fifth most popular episode this year was

[3:09] [5] Episode 121: How to Ask Powerful Yes or No Questions (Tara)

Tara and I did not know each other before connecting through this podcast, and although we haven’t met in real life yet, I will say I have grown a deep connection with her through following her online and working with her in her Clarity Sessions, Akashic Records Readings, and Energy Clearings. She is a very wonderful human with amazing talents.

In this episode Tara introduces us to many different systems for self-understanding and exploration, including a pendulum and the akashic records. Tara and I also did a live reading together on Instagram and I’ve linked the replay to this video on the show notes page.

Today, Tara is sharing 5 Yes or No Questions we can ask ourselves to help us with our 2022 goal setting!

Hi, I'm Tara McCrory, a clarity coach and certified energy practitioner. I help people connect the dots the seen and unseen through connecting to their intuition and yes no questions. Here are five yes no questions to ask yourself about goal setting.

Once you’ve written out your goals, ask are these goals in alignment with my values?

Assessing if your goals are in alignment with your values by asking these powerful yes no questions really helps you determine from the get go. If this is aligned with your soul's path and soul's mission, think of your values as your intuitive GPS system and aligning your goal to that will help you stay clear and on topic and allow yourself to achieve this goal.

Number two, are these goals 100% Clear?

This question helps you determine if there are any aspects that are unclear about your manifestation. For example, people may say I want to get more money, I want to make more money. Well, the universe is very literal. and 10 cents is more money. So if you check, are these goals 100% clear and you get no chances if it's too vague. It's too vague and the universe is too literal and you may just get a duck. So, Hot Tip, go in, make it clear.

Number three are these goals actionable?

Sometimes, within our conscious mind, we have these amazing pie in the sky visions which are phenomenal, except they can overwhelm us in the moment. So asking if this is actionable, and aligning it to something that is actionable, helps us release the overwhelming.

Is there something I need to revisit?

This is always a good question to ask about any of your goals or visions or intentions for example, anytime that you're manifesting, because if you get it yes, it could be your values. may have changed and then needs to be aligned.

Perhaps you've made a different decision or you've come to a new found awareness. And that just means that you are given this amazing opportunity to go and realign your goals to your new vision.

Last question is is there any aspect of me that believes me unworthy of achieving these goals?

That really helps you determine where you maybe need to do your inner work, where perhaps there's the mindset work to be done, if you will shadow to be integrated? It just gives you an opportunity to realize where perhaps there is a little bit more energy that needs to be focused.

Having the answers to these questions really simply empowers you to move forward in a way that is aligned and that may feel good for you. So if these work for you, feel free to redirect these questions for each of your goals by changing the bar these two are to. And if you found this helpful, please feel free to download my free guide 50 yes no questions for love, money and manifestation, perfect to get you a line in action for 2022.

Of course if you're interested in staying in touch and connected please you can find me at tarabmccrory.com or on Instagram at @tara_mccrory

Looking forward to connecting with you all, and all the best for 2022.

> Thank you so much Tara! Definitely going to revisit these questions for when I write out my goals for the new year!

Before we get into our fourth most popular episode of 2021, I wanted to share the diffuser blend I am currently… diffusing. It’s technically not a “festive” blend but it is lovely and very easy. It’s called “Confidence” Diffuser Blend Recipe:
3 Black Spruce
3 Eucalyptus

These are some wonderful grounding and expansive oils. This I also think would make a great epsom salt bath mix… oooo I will try this later hahaha

The fourth most downloaded episode this year was titled

[9:13] [4] E111: Create Habits Based on Core Values (Deanna)

This episode came out early this year and similar to Tara, I had not met Deanna before the podcast. I loved recording this episode with Deanna. She is a great speaker, and made some very helpful points and shared wonderful exercises during this episode.

Unfortunately I couldn’t connect with her to have her guest appear on the show today. So in celebration of this episode I would love to share with you an old habit that is no longer part of my core values that I am letting go of, as well as a new habit that aligns with my core values that I am going to work on for the new year.

As I share mine with you, I would encourage you to consider your core values and relisten to this episode with Deanna to create your own new value-aligned habits.

Lately I’ve been diving into learning more about Human Design. This is a system that is similar in a sense to Astrology in the way that it uses the time and location of your birth to determine your body graph or your design. As I’ve been learning more about how to interpret this graph or chart, I’ve been simultaneously learning more about myself. One of the key parts of this system is something called Authority and it’s used to help us make decisions.

So how does all of this tie into my core values? Well, I noticed that I’ve been saying “yes” to a lot of invitations mostly because I struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out). I don’t necessarily want to go to the event but I also don’t want to miss something. Usually if I accept an invitation I didn’t really want to go to in the first place I find myself frustrated or resentful or energetically drained.

One of my core values this year is to trust my sacral authority and I am specifically experimenting with this in decision making. So this is kind of a double habit of letting go of quickly responding to invitations and instead noticing how this invitation feels in my gut, or perhaps the sound I make when I receive the invitation. And if it’s not a “hell yes!” then it’s going to be a no from me.

And without trying to segway this into our third most downloaded episode of 2021, this connection to myself brings us to

[12:13] [3] E140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself (me)

This episode is one of my solo shows, and I am going to toot my own horn for this one because dang, revisiting this episode was exactly the reminder I needed going into the new year. If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, I recommend it! And if you’ve already listened to it… listen to it again, you’ll be glad you did.

Plus it’s only 15 minutes long so it's nice and quick for a great mood boost! Here are the 10 ways to show up for yourself in short:

1: Commit to Habits, Practices, Routines, and Rituals that support your health and well-being, even when you don’t feel like it

2: Learn to Forgive Yourself

3: Allow Yourself to Feel ALL the Feels, Judgement-Free!

4: Listening to What You Need

5: Allow Yourself to Start Over

6: Remind Yourself that You Are Worthy

7: Prioritize Your Health

8: Give Yourself Permission to Rest

9: Spend Quality Time with You!

10: Invite Curiosity and Compassion into Everything You Do

As a bonus I will add Build Trust with Yourself

Reading these again gave me the idea to commit to one of these every week for the next 10 weeks. Maybe writing it on a sticky-note or putting it into my calendar. Watch how the energetic shift in our lives happens when we commit to ourselves in these ways. AND how powerful do you think it would be if we stacked these habits each week!

I’m getting that excited gut feeling!

Our second most downloaded episode of 2021 is

[14:22] [2] E116: Taking Aligned Action to Manifest Success featuring Cheryl Sutherland

Cheryl is motivating, captivating and shares lots of inspirational wisdom in this episode. We also did a live on instagram and talked about creating affirmations for entrepreneurs.

Today, Cheryl is sharing a beautiful journaling exercise with us…

I know that most people wouldn't do well, not most people, a lot of people millennials, when they think of pivot, they think of ros, unfriend zero trying to get some sort of try to get a couch to fit. It's just not fitting. And so especially in the last couple of months, like there's been a lot of weird energy, a lot of resistance, a lot of frustration and the root of a lot of it is that it's time to do something different. But because the last couple years I've been kind of difficult, a lot of things have been tossed up in the air. It can feel really, really dangerous, really unsafe to actually transition from one thing to the next. Even though you know that thing is calling you and where you are right now does not feel good. It doesn't feel in alignment. It doesn't feel like you're even you know, like your happiest or your brightest or you're able to give the most that you're able to give the you're able to really walk in that power that you're here to do. And so with that one of the things that I ask of you is not to be brave, but to be honest with yourself, is this working for you? And if in a year you were in the exact same place, how would you feel about that? Does that make sense for you? Does it break your heart and if it does, then it's time to do something new. So today, I would love to go over a delicious journaling exercise that I even recently did as I am also doing this transition slash pivot Mac deeper into my speaking career, which is ultimately where I should have been really focusing on the last three years. But again.

So with that, one thing that I want to say before I get into the exercise, is that things don't have to be bad for them to not be right. So I think oftentimes, I know for myself, I have a very high pain threshold and combined with being a people pleaser. I'm really good at denying the things that I want and pushing them off like not listening to the signs don't listening to my intuition and thinking I just need to work a little bit harder. And with that, that's great in circumcircle certain circumstances but not if you're not operating in alignment. So just check in with yourself. How is your body doing whenever you're thinking about this thing, whether it be a relationship or a job or your career? How was your breath oftentimes you'll notice you are taking very short, anxious breath deep, wholehearted breath. When was the last time that you laughed when you were doing that thing that felt a little sticky or still feels a little sticky? Like when is it when was the last time it really brought you joy and what are you willing to give up in order to feel that joy again? And oftentimes we attach ourselves to this thing we're like, This is who I am. This is what I said I committed to and I need to do this in order to before I can move on to the next thing and I'm here to give you permission to let that go. If it's not serving you right now it's because it already served you and it ran its course. And now it's time for you to move on like the littlest hobo on to the next thing and for my Canadians, y'all know what I'm talking about. So yeah, I mean, there's so much wisdom in all of the things that you're saying right?

And the fun thing is when we allow these things to transition out of our lives then that we're actually creating room for the good things to happen or more greatest if we ever knew and it doesn't necessarily have to come from us. It could be something delicious at the university, right? However, we are not able to receive those things if we're occupying ourselves with nothing. So I would like to invite you to grab a piece of paper and grab a pen for this exercise. When I first did it, it probably took me about 20 minutes and a half an hour. And I just want to make sure that you are in a space that is quiet, that you feel safe. That is aesthetically pleasing. If you can and that you're comfortable and warm and perhaps like you know light a nice Bath and Bodyworks candle or something. But the whole purpose of this is just to kind of recontextualize some of the things that you have gone through and what your life really looks like. Now during this exercise I am going to ask you to tell a story but this story is in fact the story of you. So you are going to go through chunks of time and then third person, talk about yourself. However, instead of focusing on the negative things or the difficult things or things that have held you back, you are going to see yourself the way that your best friend has seen you and like they're talking about you in an interview. So for example, during the ages of 16 to 21 I was very, I was very loving. I just love to take care of people like I actually got multiple jobs and customer service because I just love figuring out what people liked and were able to give to them during that time. Yes, there were difficult things that happened either with school, a falling out with the best friend, all these different things. And instead of writing the story of like, yeah, I ended up being robbed at this age and like this person betrayed my trust. The story that I decided to tell was one of who I aspire to be and who I truly am. Now, this actual process allows you to steep yourself into the fact that you're abundant. That you are capable, that you are powerful and that you over time that you've been showing and this is proof that you've been showing up in such an amazing way and that you are back to that amazing person. That you are worthy of all the great things and that you can do all the hard things as well. So through this exercise, I would invite you to chunk down your life. Usually I would like to do between the time of birth to age 10 And then of course 11 to 16 and then we're gonna go forward in five increments of five years to where you're at right now and then add on an additional five years. So for example, I am 35 at the present moment , so I was able to write where I was from the ages of 28 to 33. And then you know 34 forwards. So by the time you get up to the part where you're at right now and what you want to create, you have this feeling of oh, wait a second, anything is possible. I can do all these things. I deserve all these things. Look what I've created in the past. I'm such a kind of caring, loving person. And based on the help I've always been taking care of. I've always achieved the goals that I want to. So who am I to tell myself that I'm not able to do what I want to do moving forward? Why would I lie to myself like that?

That just doesn't make sense. So as you go through and do this exercise again, take the time to elaborate in as much detail as you would like. However, notice if there's a time where you want to talk about something, you know, that's really difficult for myself. One of the things that came up was my father's passing. He left or transitioned. I guess he's still here. Honestly, he's been stalking me the last couple days so it's magical.

When I was 22 years old and instead feeling like I had my world crashed down and like this person was supposed to be here to walk me down the aisle and tell me how to be in proper relationships and value myself. So I didn't get trampled on by all these stupid men. Instead of all of that I was like, no matter what some I was able to practice holding space for my family. I was able to practice being really brave and really proud of how I handled everything, and how I was willing to seek out help, how I was willing to cry. But then I think that if he was looking at me during that time as well, he'd be very proud of how I was able to just continue to grow and move forward, etc, etc. So, again, I'm not asking you to do any sort of spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. You're just seeing the bright side of things, and the powerful side of things because this is in fact who you are. So with that, that is going to support you with your picket. That's not only good for you and your family, but it's also going to support you with seeing yourself the way that the people that care about you see you, the people that admire you see you. And hopefully, the way that you will choose to see yourself moving forward as well.

Cheryl also has a wonderful online course called

Create Clarity in Your Calling Bundle

This course helps you to release doubt and create new habits of thoughts so you can feel powerful and rock-solid as you grow a business you love, and live the amazing, magnificent, delicious life that you desire. She has also given the listener’s of the show 15% off with the PROMO CODE VALERIE15

[24:55] Time Capsule Questions

The very first year I did the countdown I asked and answered 21 time capsule questions. My intention for these was to answer them each year, and then last year I decided that they weren’t beneficial to the show. So I’ve actually changed my mind for this and what I’ve decided to do is ask you/say the questions here on the episode, but include my answers in the show notes page so you don’t have to hear me blabber on about them.

The reason I’m bringing the questions back is because I find it really wonderful to look back and read what we’ve written in journals and I personally don’t journal that often so this encourages me to do it at least once a year.

The questions are basic and fun to answer personally, and can also be customized to you! Without further ado, here are the 21 questions to ask yourself:

1. What's the first thing you thought of this morning?

It was very early so I was thinking about how I wanted to sleep for 15 more minutes and snuggle a little longer.

2. What's the first thing on your to do list?

Wrap up the podcasts for 2021 and then packing for our trip to England

3. What's something that you feel like should be on your to do list, but isn't?

Honestly, nothing. Everything is exactly as it should be and everything will get done in its own timing.

4. What song are you loving right now?

Fancy by Lennon Stella, or really anything by Lennon Stella

5. What's your favourite essential oil?

Living for Black Spruce

6. When you started the Women's Empowerment Show, did you think you'd be where you are today, two years later?

Don’t get me wrong, I am VERY happy with the organic growth of the show, however I know I can push myself out of my comfort zone more with this podcast. And this will be a huge part of 2022 for me, as well as speaking on other people’s podcasts and really growing the community.

7. What's the best advice you received this year?

Mistakes do not define us, it’s how we move on from them that does.

8. What's the biggest lesson you learned?

Never give up; your daily habits are doing more than you realize.

9. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Lately I’ve been really enjoying trying new recipes, and feel inspired when I’m working with my hands. I also find that I am very inspired by my houseplants and watching them grow and nurturing them.

10. When is the best time for your creative process?

Usually during a workout I feel inspired or motivated to take action. I feel like this is because I’m moving energy around and I’ve usually been awake for a little while and I’ve also had breakfast.

11. Who do you get your inspiration from/who do you find inspiring?

I’ve been fascinated by Human Design so anyone who is teaching/sharing about this. From podcasts to pinterest boards, and everything in between I love it so much!

12. Tell us about your current routines…

Depending on the day I wake up, eat breakfast, workout, and then put on a really fun outfit that makes me feel amazing in my body. Then I get shit done and work from home.

On days that I’m at the studio I wake up at 5:30am, pack up my lunch bag, make a coffee, put on some eye gels that have been in the fridge so they are nice and cooling. Then I teach all day.

In the evenings I do my french lesson on Duolingo, brush + floss my teeth and do a brain dump on my notes app before giving Craig a kiss and going to bed.

13. What 3 things should everyone have in their carry-on luggage?

Peppermint Beadlets (doterra link)

On Guard Sanitizing wipes (doterra link)

Notebook + pen

14. What was the last thing that made you cry?

Oh gosh this movie with Sandra Bullock had me sobbing: The Unforgivable. I have no idea what came over me, I was just so upset at the end, I had to blow my nose, I was crying so hard.

15. What do you want to be remembered for?

Empowering women to put themselves first on their love list; to make themselves a priority and do the things that bring them joy (guilt-free)

16. What's the best gift you've given, that doesn't cost money?

Well… let me tell you! I wrote a letter from my 20 year-old-self and opened it for my 30th birthday this year and oh my goodness that was the most incredible/surreal experience and it was by far the best gift I’ve given/received.

17. What is a tradition you love, or started when you were a kid?

Sleeping cloud is my favourite thing: When you’re lying in bed and someone billows the covers over you.

18. What do you do to combat holiday stress + chaos?

Alone time. Extra doses of fave self-care. Turning off my phone at a certain time. Not checking email in the morning.

19. Favourite quote + why?

“Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.” - Alan Watts

Because this was a really tough year and I made a point of being very present and feeling all my feels and showing up and as intense as this is going to sound, it really saved my life this year.

20. Biggest highlight of 2021?

Craig and mine’s trip to Banff, and now going to meet Craig’s family in England for the holidays.

21. What do you want to tell your future self, one year from now?

I’m proud of you for taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, and sharing your story with the world. You are an inspiration to your community and I know it took a lot of courage to get out there, but you did it! The strength you were searching for was within you this whole time.

Our final episode in the countdown, and the most downloaded show of 2021 was

[27:47] [1] E133: Elevating Your Morning Routine Alexandra Panagoulia of Batch Beauty Lab

This was one of my favourite conversations because both Alexandra and I really connected the last couple years through the Make Lemonade online community and also through our similar daily routines. I love talking about other people’s rituals and habits and learning from the things that bring them joy, and seeing how that might play out in my own routine, and I feel like that’s how most of the listeners felt with this episode also.

Today I have a mini conversation with Alexandra and I that we pre-recorded. It’s a bit of a then, now, and what to expect for 2022. Let’s have a listen…

VL: What is your current morning routine and how has this changed since our last episode in the summer?

AP: I’m really consistent with my daily walks, I think it's just like a perfect way to set my day. I will say something that's the change. I take in my journaling that I've done usually in the morning and now I'm into more of a routine, and I did you know, always been consistent with journaling in the evening but I think that right now, as the seasons change, it's just giving me some really great time to wind down to give a lot of thought to my day and how I want to prepare for the next day. So, you know, moving into 2022 Something that I really want to do is be consistent with my wakeup time. So I think being able to wind down a little earlier and adding a few more rituals into my winding down routine will help facilitate me being able to incorporate something new into my morning routine into the year that's so great.

VL: I'm really glad that you said that because I teach a mini training that's all about morning routines, and they also teach one that's all about evening routines and they tell people like the secret to your morning routine is a really great evening routine and they really complement each other this way. So which kind of was gonna lead me into my next question, which is will you be incorporating anything new for 2022? Can you speak to those rituals a little bit and maybe how we can also incorporate something new into our new year?

AP: Yeah, so I've been giving it some thought and I've been trying it a little bit i i had to wake up a little earlier. Something that I've been doing is I've been putting my alarm clock just literally on the other side of my room so that when it is off I'm having to actually wake up and turn it off. And I know that that is not revolutionary at all, but it works. There are some mornings where I walk back to my bed and I and I go back into bed, like five more minutes. But the reality is, you know, that's not always the best way to start off your day and you're going back to bed and kind of like reverse it's like reverse what you're what you're trying to accomplish. So yeah, I think you know, I'm gonna continue doing that and, and I know a lot of people may struggle waking up early in the mornings, but I think to your point what you just said it's all about how you're incorporating something new into your evening routine. so that's going to be winding down, minimal screen time in the evening. journaling, like I mentioned, and I find that ratings really have been helping me as well.

VL:I keep putting my books beside my bed and I keep telling myself I'm going to read every night and it just doesn't work for me like I'm not an evening reader because I fall right asleep so I think it's a great way to fall asleep for myself personally.

But I definitely need to like that resort. I think he gave some really great tips for the art eating routine and kind of finding what works best for you and just trying different things. I feel like this is where people, you know, they try so hard to create a new habit and they're like, oh, I need to think of reinventing the wheel and I need to be completely different. And really, it actually is like the simplest things and maybe it was something that worked for you in the past or maybe it's something that you know, you've heard of you just haven't tried yourself. So I definitely agree that even though it's not revolutionary, it can work and still can work.

AP: Yeah and it is a tip on incorporating something new into your morning or evening routine if you have an existing routine Great. Follow through with it and maybe you know, make some changes based on how you're feeling in the present moment or in that time of your life. Let's just say in that season. So I know in the summer it's easier for me to wake up early as I love to go for early morning walks in the summer when it's a bit cooler in the winter. It's a little bit more of a challenge. So that's where I find I like incorporating better bedtime routines. probably I can make up a little earlier.

But I think the tip is is even if you're starting new and you don't have any rituals right now, introduce one one ritual that, you know, feels really good to you. So whether it's stretching when you get out of bed or going for a walk or journaling first thing I think the power of just incorporating something that is just for yourself is beneficial. That doesn't necessarily need to be a power list of 10 things.

Well there you have it. The top 5 episodes of 2021, with some of the amazing guests we’ve had on the show. Plus a festive beverage recipe, delightful diffuser blend, and 21 questions to ask yourself each year as a fun tradition to look back on for years to come.

Now technically we do have one more episode for 2021… which comes out Wednesday, until then join me on Instagram @vallavignelife

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneDecember 22, 2021

E159: This Mindset Habit Helped a Busy Mom Run a Marathon & Make an Impact

Jenny was at a very low point in life and searching for something to help her at this troubling time. She didn't think Healthy Habit Mentor, Valerie LaVigne, would be able to help her, but Jenny invested in the 1:1 Mentorship Program anyway.

After five weeks of working on a 3-part journalling exercise to improve mindset and self-appreciation, Jenny discovered a new-found energy and purpose that brought light and love back into her life. This is Jenny’s story…

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[1:12] Valerie: How were you feeling before working with me?

Jenny: A couple of things lost, probably and pretty down to be honest, mentally pretty low.

Valerie: Yeah, I remember with our first call one of the things that you said that no one's ever said to me was, I don't think you can help me and I was so taken aback by it because for one I was like, then why did you say right?

I'm not and that's, I think, so important that people there's a quote by Henry Ford, and he says, whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right. And I think that that's one of the biggest hurdles for people starting something or getting into something is that, you know, right away, they say, oh, no, I can't do that. And that's their first, their first walk into failure, so to speak. Right. So, you know, yeah, with that feeling of being lost, I do have to ask, what made you want to work with me, even though that was one of the first things you said?

Jenny: Yeah. So just to talk about that for a second to say, “I don't think you can help me.” Was it really sort of verbalization of you know how low I was? I didn't think that that that you know, I wasn't sure I wasn't convinced I was skeptical how can how can this help because I'm feeling so low and You're right you've totally hit the nail on the head that it's a very it was a very negative mindset But luckily there was something in me that I had hope and that's why reached out I was feeling tired But I always So had something To me that made me feel like Maybe there's help out there maybe Maybe there's a way to Maybe somebody can make me feel better.

Maybe they can And what you are offering brilliant Face me it sounded Dental It sounded doable and I was feeling so tired hurtful but needed to be babysat That's for me and so Think come on must have seen something on your Instagram And it just took feel to me How it seemed like it was doable And so that's why I took this Step to contact you and it absolutely was.

Valerie: I'm so glad that you Did that. I'm so glad that you trusted your instinct to do that.

Jennifer: There was something in me that made me think you know what to give this a go.

Valerie: Yeah.

Jennifer: yeah It was we were going to work together for these Five weeks so it's like I felt like there was time To make a difference.

Valerie: And within that time What habit did we create together?

Jennifer: So It was a few but I think the Just serve wins during the process was that I had everything right in front of me and I didn't know it, but you showed me that I did and those things. We're so simple the gratitude journaling was really important to me and This was a different kind of gratitude that you introduced me to that I've never or heard of before and what was so important to me was that there was three aspects to it you said thank you Anything you're grateful for Think of anything that brings you comfort Think of it thinking that you're proud of

And I think that's just A winning car combination the winner In Formula Three different things It made my main shift in three different directions What am I grateful for For your draft income For and you know what what I like about myself and that Last part really gave me I think a confidence boost that I was really Looking for because every day I had to think of something What am I good at And Yeah It just all three together was was a kind of Three dimensional design.

Surely cliche but three dimensional way To have gratitude not Just like three things what you're grateful for what brings you Comfort Well what are you grateful for and what are you proud of and And I enjoyed it In that everyday exactly Think about three different things between different areas of my life The last one For you prayed off of yourself was probably The hardest one and probably The one that had the most the impact

Valerie: Yeah, thank you for sharing that I remember you coming to me and that first call like it was memorable. And One of the things you shared was that you want to work on A specific habit that has to do with Nutrition. And when I was listening to you and all of the words Like you were saying you know I knew is that it wasn't the nutrition that we were lenient to work on it There's a deeper level level and layer than Not and you No being able to have that common Session just the two of us one on one I mean that was it was almost Like this container for you to share no going up and as skeptical as you They have been you are incredible Billy Welling and incredibly open and I really want to applaud you for that because a lot of people For especially when you're working Was someone new I mean we didn't really know what other very well before working together so For you to trust me you that much I I mean, that's where I think the most transformation comes from is because you are open to the suggestions. And I know you're thinking, you know, Val, I'm coming to you with this nutrition habit. And I was saying, well, Jenny, actually, there's something else we need to do first.

[7:36] Jenny: Absolutely, but you, you think you don't realize that there's something deeper sometimes I think.

Valerie: And that's why, you know, the one on one can be so impactful, is because we're really customizing it to you like that gratitude journal, that for that gratitude journal, practice with the three questions. Those were completely curated for you. Like that's not like a system that I sell. It says, This is what we need to work on together. That's going to help you so I'm so glad that you enjoyed the process and the practice. And is there anything else that you want to add into how you make it work for you because you're a mom, you have a busy schedule? You are you know, managing your household. Tell me, how did you make it work?

Jenny: First thing I did was to a actually get a new journal so that had something fun I wanted to open every day So I ordered myself Have a new journal which was all So a calendar so that actually I'm not really helpful because I know have specific days to write in there I have a lot of space in it so I could Get those three levels of gratitude written down and then I had heard something and I totally believe it's true Save and filter today That If you can try Start your very first like five minutes From when you you know just woken up Think positively that can really help you with the rest of your Day so I think it really works so I start to journal as an So I woke up and just helped With the rest with the rest The day in terms of how I was feeling so That's So I started with a new journal and And doing this practice every morning.

Valerie: That's excellent that you found the right tools and the right time to do the work, and I I totally agree I like to set an intention every morning. And if that intention has I'd better amplify or the elevation of gratitude to two that's an even more amazing win, so very good! The last question that I have I want to ask you today is all What results did you gain from staying consistent with this habit?

[10:04] Jenny: Quite a few actually, the most important thing to me was a positive state of mind. It’s the reason it gets to be on how to perform better in other areas Of My Life So my Running got better My Parenting I think got better because I was Just generally happier And it sounds And Papa I think I had just put myself To the bottom of the bill I probably wasn't even On the list and Working with To me We realized that I had to be on the list and I I had to be the first thing on the list. That's why the worked well with the you know the product to surface the news I woke up You've heard this cliche before But you know ‘put your own out oxygen mask or first’ it's so true bye during this practice for myself First thing in the morning I was then able to go through the rest of the day or The tasks involved with just Have more positive mindset and also to at least say that then built momentum so that you The next day wasn't so difficult followed by the The following day and the next day. and I gained so much momentum with it that as I went to New York to complete marathon I was in probably the best mental shape that I could be in and thank goodness I took those steps because I think obviously 26.2 miles is really difficult and arduous, but it would have been doubly difficult with a negative state of mind.

Valerie: WOW

Jenny:And now it's just about keeping that going. But I know what to do and It's not expensive. It's not difficult, it's just doing it and I think so many of us are just so busy, and we have forgotten, or haven't even tried. And to try that's the first thing and once you've tried You don't want to give it up I think called it my golden hour I think I talked to you about this, even getting earlier to do it was helpful because everyone's still sleeping could have some time for me so I don't grudge helping everybody. Am I happy to, but In a happier state of mind because if you're not and a half years state of mind that's when the resentment starts to To kick in and it's like truly no one else's fault It's very hard to Move from feeling like it is everyone else's fault and once I made that shift It got better.

Valerie: Wow Thank you so much for sharing that . It's so true, I mean so many things you said so many golden nuggets in there. I'm about How your mindset, especially in the beginning of the day, trickles into all the other areas of your life. It’s power fool and Just yeah whether it's a naked mindset or a positive mindset can really they change things and I I think a lot of people can relate to a lot of people listening can relate to, the fact that you know They're not at the top The list they might not be on the list Well have their priorities and them People that they're going to take care of because you know we've all have busy lives And we all have a lot of priorities, and we all have a lot of have different people that depend on on us but we can be better parents and friends partners when we actually put put ourselves on the list.

So huge! I just… I was getting teary hearing the impact that it made on you And I just like I'm holding my heart So tight right now because I feel everything that you're saying And And like I'm getting goosey and you've done So much work you've come so far.

[14:23] Jenny: And another thing they see that I have friends they do put themselves on the on their list And I had maybe previously thought that oh Wow I like You know I can't be like them or I'm not like them or Those are interesting priorities don't fit case share those And then I realized Hold on a minute They've figured So they've already done this Work it When in their lives But they realized wait a second If I do this then I couldn't be better X Y & Z and live my best life is cliche as it sounds.

But before I did this kind of work, I didn't recognize that they had put themselves on their lists. So now I feel like my eyes are opened to habits that my Friends have that Respect admire and realize oh hey I'm thinking things to know and before thought it was good The snow Not me I'm not person who does block a block but not actually being a person He does do those things Is So good for you and so I think that's that's been really First thing is To sort of you It really opened my eyes to habits of rents in the past sort of think well That's you know you do you and that's what you do this now that's not for me Well now I realize actually Like I've been missing out So thank you for interest You see me too and you You I guess a new way to live.

Valerie: You are most welcome and honestly I feel like I was just holding this space for you to make those observations, and for you to you know do the work and that permission to put Your cell phone first. The permission to make mistakes and miss a day and come back to it so I mean you were really the one Who who made the change and I'm so happy that I could have been there to see this process and to to help You with it because, honestly like i said i I'm just like vibrating right now with that goosebumps and my heart is so full and I'm just so I'm so proud of you I'm so happy for you so well done you did Amazing.

Jennifer: Thank you, it doesn't stop, you’ve got to keep doing the work!

Valerie: I know! And you're doing it, you're doing it. It's so incredible to be part of your journey To watch you through this journey so I can't wait to see what you do next, what marathon you run or what else you accomplish! Because It's inspiring it's outstanding and just Just know that the friends who Have those healthy habits yeah You are now person to somebody yes you are now that inspiration to another person you are now giving permission To another mom another round or another woman Who wants to be impactful in this world and put themselves first so that's That's huge And I think these are the things that we didn't think We were going to get out of have something like this but we do alright we get so much more than we expect.

[17:39] Jennifer: Thank you for saying that because I'm actually seeing that happen already I've had people Message me to tell me that I am inspired to them and can we meet for a call or how Did you do or I want to hear about your journey ever thought I would be one of those people.

And people would actually want to know how you do it? or you know how it's going? or I want to hear and it just shows you that... I am is going to talk about women because that's my experience but so many women are looking for Ways to help themselves and if I can and help them just by being like guinea pig an example of just trying some thing and showing how it worked for me then That helps me to keep going I don't Feel like I'm there yet I feel like every day is a learning day but to know that that could help versus his power because I helps you to keep going too.

Valerie: 100% You're impacting other women now, like, this is exactly why I want to do what I'm doing or why I do what I'm doing. Because I know that if I can help one person, that one person is going to help another person and that person that you're helping is going to help another person and honestly, that is the goal is to have this world be a brighter, better place and as corny as that sounds and trust me like I'm not about cheesy things, but that's so it's so true. and the way that I've been able to do that is through healthy habits and like through helping people with habits that they didn't even know could help them. and it is so freakin simple. So yeah, honestly like again blown away by this conversation.

Jenny: It's a fact that when women have babies, they lose confidence, which is just a sad fact. But it happens. So if that's a fact, then everyone who's got kids has gone through so much, not just, you know, pregnancy and childbirth, but postpartum, Even if you're not, you know, diagnosed with postpartum depression, there are other things that happens and I'm happy to talk openly about that too. But how you do it gives you confidence you may have left your job or done many things like that. And so there's things that can keep you positive in your life. And then once a lot was gone, It's hard to do it yourself. But, you know, you've helped me realize that you can do it yourself.

Yeah, to rely on you know, being praised for your, your work or for anything you can do from within. Then you’re all set.

Valerie: And it's cool to to see like how in the beginning, you're like, something I'm proud of like, you're like, Oh, I ran a marathon. I help other people like I changed my life. I'm a better mom and like so many things, so many things you're proud of and you didn't even have to like put more thought into it. You didn't even have to like, sit there and take a moment you know, and I mean you can just say it, and that's like, that's the transformation and people think like, oh, I need my life to change overnight with like winning the lottery or whatever. But that's not like that's just not it all the time. You know, it's like, the simplest thing you can do and yeah, okay, it takes a little bit of time. But think about like, How long were you upset? How long were you thinking of that negative mindset? How long were you feeling low?

Jenny: Umm probably years to be honest.

Valerie: Now that’s it. And I mean, to say that the work isn't done, you're completely right. It's never gonna really be done. But it's a lot easier to do now. And the fact that you're like shining light for other people and giving permission to other people to do the work. I mean, that's huge. But in such a short amount of time, like we work together for five weeks, that was about three or four months ago.

Let's say like three months since we finished. So in less than six months, you have shifted years of pain and heaviness into something so powerful. I mean, you ran a frickin marathon!

Jenny: I definitely got tools to Yeah, to Yeah, like, more positive and like you said, you know, it just gains in momentum. and now there's a piece of you suggesting that you know, I might help other people. I mean, I didn't even think that was on the cards but I actually now have evidence of that because people are asking me, we meet for coffee, I'd love to hear about your journey and I'm like, okay.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that so much and I appreciate you sharing your journey with me and with the Women's Empowerment Podcast. I'm so excited. I it's interesting because I know the there's quite a commitment for like the one on one mentorship experience with me and I try to explain to people how powerful it is and like it's so much more impactful because it's customized like I could talk about a gratitude journal all day every day. but what we created for you is so different from what I have done with anybody else, but it works for you and that's why we made it for you.

Someone else I talked to they started a gratitude journal too, but they just have to write one thing down they're grateful for which probably wouldn't have worked for you, as much as this other three part one day.

Jenny: I agree, agree.

Valerie: Yeah so it's different for everybody.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneDecember 15, 2021

E158: 3 Powerful Pieces to Creating and Achieving Big Goals

E158: 3 Powerful Pieces to Creating and Achieving Big Goals with Rachel Kelly

Meet Rachel Kelly, a community builder, goal getter, and master of puns. Rachel helps entrepreneurs find community and the courage to build businesses they once dreamt of. Within just 5 years, Rachel has done a lot: summiting the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, opening a brick and mortar coworking space, launching an online community, and even getting her motorcycle license. Not to mention the Forbes feature, or partnerships with big wigs like Instagram, Bumble, and Nike. Rachel’s signature ‘dream big, be kind, get sht done, people first’ style is what makes her community, the Get Sht Done Club, so desirable and hold a waitlist of over 100 entrepreneurs at any time…

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[1:43] Valerie LaVigne: Hi Rachel! Thank you so much for being part of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. I have been wanting to have you on the show for a very long time. So I appreciate you being here with me today.

Rachel Kelly: I’m so excited to chat with you, Val!

VL: I have been following you and your business and you might not have known this already. But I've been following you in your business for several years, and I have been really enjoying watching your journey and your transitions and how you kind of ebb and flow to all these really unique and creative things.

The way that you bring people together the way that you share your story the way that you like empower others has been motivating for me and I know for sure for all the other people who are following you and who've been a part of your your, your memberships and your communities and all of the things that you're doing.

As a business owner myself, I feel like there are so many things on the back end to make what you do look so effortless and so successful. And I would love to talk a little bit more about this with you today because like, how do you do it?

RK: Oh my gosh. It’s really funny that it comes out like that, but I’m so glad that it comes off that way. But surely I am just a girl staring at her laptop asking it not to die on her. And for everyone listening I hope you got that reference from Notting Hill.

VL: Amazing Yeah. So some of the things that I know that you have shared, kind of like here and there is the power of knowing your business being clear on your goals. You know, knowing that vision and where you want to be forward. And if we kind of peel back the layers to that. Something else you shared with me is the power of looking at your numbers. Can you tell us a little bit more about what that means and how we do that?

RK: Oh my gosh, okay. So, you know, touching on the vision thing first, I think it's so important for anybody who is starting a business or you know, thinking of starting a business is just having a bit of a clear goal or idea of where you want to be. It's so much easier to work backwards from there and create that recipe that you're going to follow and don't stress. If it's going to change, life happens all the time.

But truly, like there is nothing more powerful than understanding where your numbers are at. It is the sexiest thing ever. Maybe it's not a sexy activity. But it is truly so attractive to understand where you are financially in your business.

It's a regular thing I always do every week. I'm always checking in with our QuickBooks account, reviewing our bank statements, understanding who owes us, who do I owe? Where's our money going and it helps me make sound decisions moving forward. So that's really it in a nutshell. I would say, you know, have that meeting with yourself on a regular basis. It may seem scary at first, but you're going to be so much more empowered to make decisions moving forward.

VL: Interesting, I'm very curious about this, but I do want to circle back to what you said about having a clear goal and vision. If you could share one or two things, or one or two questions, maybe we could ask ourselves to help us get clear on that goal or vision public those one or two questions be?

RK: So this is a question I asked myself. I was nodding my head along to that too. This is a question I ask myself regularly, especially when I kind of like those down-functions but also you know when things are going really well too, but I asked myself a simple question. If I had everything, and I had everything I ever wanted in my life. What would that look like? And I start writing all the things out I'm like, I want a cute yellow Volkswagen van. I want a motorcycle. I want to buy a cute Airbnb. I want to go to the beach regularly. That is like, who am I talking to? What kind of food am I eating? Where am I spending my days like I just tried to get started off at a very high level and then start to get very, very specific with that. And that's how I really tune into what I want.

You know, when it comes to a lot of the path to I guess creating freedom for ourselves freedom and a big, heavy quote there too. If you know it could be starting your own business or freelancing or doing something a little bit unconventional and out of the box.

Like this is a special reminder for entrepreneurs that this is all about creating a life that you want, that is going to support the way you wake up every day and how you feel.

You know where we shouldn't have to be grinding so hard or not even enjoying ourselves. So ask yourself that question if I had everything in my life ever wanted, what would that look like and work backwards from there.

[7:14] VL: Mmm that is a very deep question. And I've done something similar like that before, and I like how you're like get really detailed with it and break it down and just keep that kind of free flow journaling exercise.

And how cool would that be to look back on, if you're doing it again in the future?!

Oh, I did get the motorcycle or Oh, I do want to go to the beach every day. It would be so fun! So how often are you doing something like this?

RK: I would say for me personally, I kind of tune into that question, maybe one to three times a year. Typically in, you know, December, January sort of thing.

That's when I start to really reflect on that I start to think about what my goals are, you know, and I try to make sure that like some of the goals that I have for myself for a full year are things that I can actually check off as opposed to something a little bit more emotional, like, for example, my goals for two big goals or for 2021. And I wrote them in the front of my notebook. I wrote them on my mirror, I just had them everywhere. I saw and one of them was to get a motorcycle and get my license. And then one of them was also like to share from the heart weekly. So it's obviously a lot easier to check off a motorcycle like okay, I studied for the thing I do the thing I get it, sharing from the heart weekly is a little bit wishy washy, like how do I actually quantify that? So there's so many different ways to kind of think about your goals and what you want to achieve. So I would say sharing from the heart weekly was more of like a reminder for myself on a regular basis and then you know I got a motorcycle, it was something I actually want to do and I know I can achieve it and that's something you can get like a big check mark, after.

VL: Yeah, it almost feels like the share from the heart weekly would be an ongoing habit. And I love those kinds of goals too, because I find that they really leave room for creativity, like what does sharing for the heart feel like for me today? Or what does that look like for me this week? And sometimes what happens is because we've already created an intention, and then we start to build that habit out, it does actually become a little more automated and we're like, oh, what can I do this week? Wait a second. I was on a podcast this week where I shared openly about this journey of mine and they're like, Oh, I already did the thing. And that's a really cool experience too. And then just as I had a mentor, I would add to that, not only writing the goal out in your journal but also learning like each week of how you show up that way. because I think looking back on that too and seeing that proof like obviously the motorcycle is the proof that you've done it and yeah, you can check it off but you can check off the the more emotional goal as well.

And you could probably do, or take action on it a little quicker than maybe just like, I'm gonna buy motorcycles today.

RK: So true, obviously, like going after the motorcycle was quite a process too. Although I will say within a week of getting my license that I bought a motorcycle. I wasn't planning on doing that right away. but I love that. So it's like adding some proof to the thing I actually did. you know, that really ties into a big piece that I talk about a lot about.

Overcoming imposter syndrome and self doubt is regularly celebrating our wins. This is not just like being stuck to like there is actual science behind and obviously you definitely know this alreadymVal, but like when we actually recognize our accomplishments big or small. It's actually helping rewire neurons in our brain so that anytime other hardships or bigger roadblocks in our way, we're ready realizing that we can, we're recognizing that we can accomplish whatever task is in front of us.

[11:24] VL: 100% I'm so glad you said that because yesterday I had a meeting with my coach and she was like, let's do an inventory of all your fears around this new project you're doing and I was like, Okay, question. I was like, Okay, so, pen to paper. Let's write it down. So I was like, okay, and then I wrote like, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling nervous. What if this what if that and as I was writing it, I mean, I've done a lot of this work already. I'm doing my coaching certification, everything but sometimes you need to have a conversation with another person who doesn't have that same emotional tie to what's happening. But as I was going through it, I'm like, I already have proof that none of these things are true for me. And I felt I was sort of laughing when I was writing these fears down like no, these aren't real. These are just, you know, staying small. And it's funny because part of us like that imposter syndrome keeps us where we are. But one of our biggest fears might be to stay exactly where we are. Right. Well, I know that people listening to this podcast probably felt that way or would agree. So yeah, I love that.

That practice that I did and how it ties into that proof that we were talking about with proof towards your goal proof to building confidence for taking leaps and making changes.

RK: You know, this really reminds me of this conversation I was having with somebody else the other day:

It's funny like this theme has really come up a lot this week about fears and having the proof. So if you're looking for ways to kind of combat your fears or you know kind of like rewrite it and like look for like tangible like how do I actually conquer that is like looking at like the the nice notes like a friend has sent you or look at testimonials you've received so like you're saying like with these fears that you had, you already have the proof that all of these things are not true. And I love this reminder somebody shared with me. It was you know, these negative thoughts. A lot of the time they're not even your own thoughts. They're probably a third grade teacher. Who said something that just stuck in your brain a certain way, but it's not actually your true belief. It's just hanging out there. And I thought like, when somebody said that to me that way, it just, it just kind of clicked for me.

We all battle with our own versions of self doubt and imposter syndrome, and there's so many different ways we can work towards getting rid of it.

VL: Yeah, that's a great reminder. How many times have I heard something? I'm like, Ooh, yeah, that feels good on me. You really like it, but no, it doesn't.

Listening to other people's fears and projections I can really without creating a healthy boundary or without recognizing that hey, this is no this is not minor. It's no longer my story and really being able to release it. So yeah, those are some great practices.

Okay, let's jump back to working out our numbers because there's kind of a two part thing. So we have our goal, and we are starting to build that proof toward that goal. Part of the process is looking at the numbers, a lot of our goals, I will admit that a lot of my goals are quantifiable, or they do have to do with money or something where I need to, I mean, my business just in general, I need to be looking at my bank statement, bank statements, what's coming in what's coming out. So where do we start with this? You said you do this weekly? Is there a little ritual that you can walk us through and how you do it?

[15:15] RK: I wish I could say I have a ritual, but it's like, not very exciting. Once upon a time I used to play like the money playlist that was created by a wonderful woman in our community named Lisa Zamparo her company is called the The Wellth Company.

And we're the kind of today and I actually like to light a candle at the same time as like, Okay, I'm going to you know, this is the time when I'm actually focusing on my numbers. Now, for me, it's a little bit more habitual, and I just kind of go in and I run through it. I have everything set up in QuickBooks for us, but I think for a lot of people starting out, it's a matter of just printing off your bank statements, or downloading them on PDF. Let's keep it eco friendly.

And reviewing okay, what like, where's the money going out? Where's the money coming in?

Who is who owes me were like, do I need to follow up with those people?

And then I also review always, and the reason I do it weekly, too. Is just like the nature of my particular business. I think at least a bare minimum is to do it on a monthly basis. There is nothing worse and I see this all the time in my community. It's the months leading up to tax season and everyone is like I've got a shoebox of receipts and I don't know what to do and I'm chasing everybody for invoices. I get emails all the time. Hey, can I have my invoices for the past year? And I'm like, You got to save those right when you get those emails because it is so important to have that. What else was I gonna say on this topic?

Oh, shoot the thought just last month. It just escaped my brain. But if I remember, I'll bring it back.

VL: Sounds good. Yeah, I think it's so important to have more to get into the practice of looking at your numbers and especially like I do for myself, I do it monthly but then I might glancing at it. Maybe more often than that, and looking at like, where what category each of those expenses are at because one time I noticed that I was spending so much money at coffee shops and like why we spend so much money on coffee shops, like what am I doing? And what I noticed is that I was having meetings with people at coffee shops and personal meetings, work meetings, whatever it was, but we would always go somewhere like that. And I thought no, I can't. I can't be spending like this is an obscene amount of money to spend on coffee. So I changed it into walking meetings which served another goal that I had which was more movement. So when people asked me , I said Okay great. Let's go for a walk and it was like if you're not willing to go for a walk they are jumping on the phone and I'm going to be walking while that.

RK: I would add that like I love that you shifted that to walking meetings, but I would also just kind of jump on the coffee thing. This is something that this amazing culture, her name is Rachel Rodgers, really talked about because we know a lot of people, our goals, our financial goals, too. And what Rachael Rodgers says is like, listen, you're not gonna get rich by cutting the amount of lattes that you have. So I think it's still important to remember that we're allowed to enjoy the things that we really want to but I think it's great to like yeah, when you're looking at your numbers and like I'm spending a lot of time out for coffee do I need to spend all that can I cut it in half? can I eliminate once a week, you know, whatever it is and shift up that goal.

I remembered my thoughts from earlier too, which was when it came to like, really reviewing my expenses. What I realized was a huge thing, like the past four plus years of my business is that a lot of my expenses went to professional development. And some of it is fantastic. But if I were to do everything over again, I realized one huge thing, and it's that I wish I believed in myself more because a lot of the time I sought out professional development because I thought it was going to solve the problem that I was having. I was like here, take my money. Give me all the answers, and I'll do what you tell me to do. But at the end of the day, the bigger problem was that I didn't actually truly believe in myself. And the proof was that I spent a lot of money there and I wasn't making a return on the investment either. So my reminder to everybody who's listening is when you are going after big goals and shifting up things in your life.

When you're imagining this when you're truly imagining, okay, what would my life look like if I had everything I want as part of that picture? Is there a price tag on it that you need to invest in X, Y, and Z? Or is it in your vision? Do you really have everything you already need to go after that? And I'm not discrediting all these amazing programs that are out there. Don't get me wrong. I've learned so much in the past couple of years. But truly, I've had a lot of the solutions already deep within me.

[20:39] VL: Yes, I feel like there's a mic drop right here. Because that is so important about something that I was actually going to ask you to be there. Is there something that we don't usually see, or notice when we're looking at our numbers, and it really is like that hidden? Hey, I'm paying for this or I'm investing in something like this, but is it actually supporting me? And I say this a lot because this is I mean, we've had over 150 episodes of the podcast, and it has a lot to do with personal development habits have a lot to do with personal growth and becoming the best version of yourself and you can listen to every single one of these episodes and you can absorb all the information. But if you aren't taking action, then you're not going to see results and that has a lot to do with mindset. So I'm so glad that you shared that because that is something that a lot of people, you know, unfortunately aren't really willing to get into.

Because it's not easy. And I raised my hand. I get that it's not easy, but I promise on the other end of it. It is so worth it. It is so worth it to believe in yourself. It is so worth it to go after your dreams and your goals and to take that really scary action. and for some people looking at your numbers can be a little bit scary, right A lot of us avoid this, this practice but doing it can be really powerful.

There was one thing you shared that we didn't dive into yet just maybe clarify what our “Oh Shit Fund?”

RK: Oh I love that. I love that you're asking, Oh shit like something horrible has happened Oh shit I need to move out of my place Oh shit there's a pandemic and all of a sudden my entire business model doesn't make sense anymore You know On shit I bought shoes.

I really really wanted and now things have gone a little bit awry. You know it is so important to be saving and investing.

But you know having that money there as a rainy day is like something bad has happened and we need to support ourselves. That's what it's all about.

VL: For sure for our emergency fund when we're like oh shit, I love it. I love that you call it that.

Yeah, well, this has been really powerful and really transformative and in my mind I feel like I needed a lot of these reminders. And actually, it's that time of the month for me where I need to look at my own numbers. So this is perfect, perfect timing. Before we get into the final segment of the show, I wanted to ask you, is there something that hasn't been said today that you really wanted to share?

RK: I love that you asked that question because it kind of popped in my mind just as you're talking.

So, you know, I was just kind of sharing about like, we've got that big vision. We're checking in with our numbers on a regular basis. We're kind of starting to develop a little bit of that recipe. I would say the other big thing that is truly important to going after our big goals and kind of living life on our own terms is really having a community that is going to support us and it's not just our friends and our families. Are these people who are going to support us in our business? And we can find community in all shapes and forms. You know whether that's on a, a volleyball team that you're a part of whether you do a regular pottery class, you're part of a gardening group, or you're part of a business community, such as the Gacha done club, whatever it may be, it's so important to have people who believe in your goals and your dreams. And they don't just believe in your goals and your dreams because they like you but because they like the actual mission and the vision that you're going after. as well. There are hundreds of studies that prove that when you vocalize your goal and you're supported in actual communities, your odds of achieving it are so much higher. So I really couldn't, couldn't reiterate more how important a community is and your overall well being and your happiness and your success of achieving goals.

VL: And I shared this with Rachel too, but I was part of the she. You also have a monthly challenge in 2020 and I think I was there for two or maybe three months. But it was like me again, I'm feeling a little bit emotional about it. It was the one thing that really gave me purpose during a time where I really felt like I had lost my purpose and I didn't have a plan and I didn't have people sort of I wasn't surrounded by anybody because of the circumstances and being able to meet this new group of people who were going through maybe something similar or at least could understand where I was at, and then also kind of mirror for me the possibility of what I could do and the things that I could get done, and the things that I could create and believing in me.

So many things changed for me that year. And again, like the one thing that really kept me positive and pushing forward and trying different things and getting out of my comfort zone and like the most random and the biggest, most uncomfortable ways was that group it was like community and tribe just ever grateful. you can use this clip as a testimonial for your community.

Where can we find you, follow you, and support your business?

RK: WEBSITE | http://www.makelemonade.ca

INSTAGRAM | @makelemonadeco

The way you can support me is that if you are a small business owner or do you know a small business owner and you feel like they would suck if they would benefit from being part of an awesome entrepreneurial community then send them my way. Another way that you can support is at some point in 2022 I will be alerted to launching some merch, which will be a super fun and exciting way to connect with the community and beyond. So those are the two ways you can Yeah, you can you can join me on the internet

[27:23] RAPID FIRE ROUND

1. What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book?

The Radar Girls

It's I got it from my birthday. It's a book about a woman in Hawaii at its at it was just when there was the attack on Pearl Harbor. And these women were recruited to be part of like a secret operation.

Anyways, it's it's really great some something I really talk about to you is that I read a lot of fiction. I love personal and professional development books, but anything with a plot is really where the sweet spot is for me. So this one I'm pretty sure it's called the radar girls.

2. What do you love most about being a woman?

Oh, that's an interesting question. What do I love most about being a woman you know, like, obviously, there's a lot of differences between between men and women and everything in between.

I don't know like I've never really thought about like, this is what I love most about being I just think of myself as me like I'm I'm just me.

And I don't think that because I'm a woman. That's what makes me, me!

Yeah, I've never really thought about it that way. Or if I have like, I've always had a hard time answering it like I like just being me.

3. What does “empowerment” mean to you?

Empowerment to me, I think is is just like feeling confident or not even competent, but like just feeling like on the precipice of being able to go after things that I want, wherever they may be. I think competence is like a really nice cherry on top. But the truth is a lot of the time when we go after the things we want. We're scared shitless can totally agree with that.

4. What are you currently working toward?

Am I currently working for you know, when it's so simple, like I'm always just working towards finding joy. And like my own personal mission is to just find joy daily. That's it.

VL: Thank you so much again for taking the time today. This has been an outstanding conversation. I wasn't expecting anything last but I'm always blown away by your speaking and your knowledge and your wisdom. So I really appreciate you taking the time to share it with us. Thank you so much. This was this was like really soul filling. So thank you so much, Val. It was great. Good. I'm so glad that you felt that way. And I before I let you go. I just wanted to say thank you so much again for creating the community that you have and for growing it and bringing people together in this really beautiful and unique way. and super supportive way as you said, you are appreciated by myself and so many other people and I really, really, really want to emphasize that to you before before you go. so thank you so much for changing my life and changing a lot of people's lives.

RK: Well you're just gonna make me cry. Thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneDecember 8, 2021

E157: Healthy Holiday Habits

Nine healthy holiday habits to support you in having a smoother, more meaningful holiday season…

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Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! If you’re listening to this episode as it comes out, it is the first of December and we are headed into the holiday season! Don’t worry if you’re listening to this after, or long before the next holiday season, there are tips for keeping up with your healthy habits, before and after the holidays.

Full disclosure: I am more of a Halloween person than I am a Christmas person. If you know you know, am I right?

I LIKE the holidays, but if I’m being honest, I get more excited about halloween. You see, something I always notice during the winter holidays is the added stress of all the events, gift giving, change of season, goal setting, and all the things around this time of year.

All that being said, I wouldn’t be a great Healthy Habit Mentor if I didn’t have key practices to share with you to support you in a smoother, more meaningful holiday season. So in today’s episode I am sharing simple, practical habits to keep you feeling healthy over the holidays.

As I share these different practices, I’d like you to notice which of them really excite you. Which of the habits are you already practicing? Which habits can you modify to suit your goals and lifestyle the best? As with many of my podcast episodes I share practical takeaways. These are often very general, with some options or tips to elevate the suggestions that I share. Since it’s a podcast I can only speak from my experiences and it doesn’t leave room for customization for you - so this is where YOU will need to put in the effort and creativity.

When I work with my one on one clients, we are able to dig deeper into the goals and specific lifestyle to create customized versions of general habits. Since you and I are not face-to-face together right now, take a moment to think of a feeling that you would like to feel/embody over the holidays. Knowing how you want to feel will be the basis for each of your own healthy holiday habits. The feeling word is what changes each of these habits for each of the listeners. Let’s use three feeling words as examples of how to tweak each of the habits today. These three words will be: Calm, Excited, and Connection. If your word is different from these, that’s okay, the practice still applies to you!

I’ve also decided to organize this episode into different types of habits including: nutrition, physical health, and mindest.

Let’s get started!

[3:33] Healthy Holiday Nutrition Habits

I am a big foodie! I love trying new recipes, I love cooking (most of the time), and I love eating food! The holiday season typically involves lots of meals, and eating different foods, or eating more than we usually do. Please note that this NOT one of those podcasts that encourages calorie counting or any of that BS! I am here to empower you to connect to your body and fuel it with what makes you feel good. I am also an advocate for whole, healthy foods because they are delicious and my body feels amazing when I eat quality meats, roasted veggies, and delicious fruits! I also enjoy cookies and brownies and a good half baked ben and jerry’s ice cream even though my body doesn’t feel as good after I eat them haha

I digress! Here are my suggestions for Healthy Holiday Nutrition Habits:

1. Prioritize hydration. The formula for how much water you need to drink is half your bodyweight in pounds, in ounces of water. That means if you weigh 130 lbs, you need to drink 65 ounces of water or 8.5 cups of water daily.

When you’re visiting others over the holidays, bring a water bottle with you. If you’re hosting, keep your water bottle full and nearby so you can take sips throughout the day and while prepping for your guests. If you aren’t used to drinking that much water then yes, you’ll probably have to use the bathroom more often - trust me it’s worth it.

I bring my water bottle with me everywhere! Early in 2021 I invested in a bluetooth water bottle called Hidrate Spark - I am OBSESSED! Yes, compared to most water bottles it is expensive, but I’m using it every single day, and I’ve stayed on track with my water intake for almost a year solely because of this water bottle. It has a rechargeable scale in it that connects via bluetooth to an app on my phone and tracks my daily water intake. It also has optional notifications on your phone, and a glow feature on the bottle (with different colour options) that remind me to drink when I’m behind on my goal. I’m not even kidding this is a GAME CHANGER. I feel immensely better physically and mentally because I am prioritizing hydration daily; not just over the holidays.

2. The second habit is a bit of an add on to the first one, drink a glass of water for every glass of alcohol, if you’re drinking alcohol that is, if not this also applies to caffeinated beverages too.

Alcohol and caffeine are dehydrating, and often very sugary. Avoid dehydration and sugar crashes by alternating alcohol and caffeine with a glass of water.

3. Eat slowly. Enjoy the food you’re eating, take time to taste the delicious meals you or your loved ones have thoughtfully prepared! On a digestion note, it takes our brain 20 minutes to know that our tummy is full so slow down to enjoy the food, and to recognize when your body has had enough. You can always go back for seconds! I usually take a little bit of everything and try it all before going back and choosing my favourite things or the foods that make me feel the best after eating. You don’t have to miss out on all the goodies.

4. Take your vitamins and your greens! There are some delicious vegetables in season this time of year in Ontario, Canada such as: apples, pears, beets, cabbage, carrots, eggplant, fennel, leeks, mushrooms, green/red/yellow onions, potatoes, rutabaga, spinach, squash, field tomatoes, and turnips. YUM!

Incorporating seasonal vegetables into your meals is important because these fruits and veggies will have the most nutrients in your area and also happen to be very grounding vegetables to help you stay balanced during this time of year - more on this later.

Since a lot of greens are not in season, my new habit this December is to drink a greens drink every day. My favourite greens powder is called SUBI and the one I like is peach flavoured. I get it on amazon.

You’ll also want to connect with your holistic nutritionist or health care provider to share the best vitamins for you and your body, however vitamin C and D are wonderful to supplement this time of year - especially if you’re in Canada where we get less sunshine in the winter.

Here’s how to apply these habits year-round: nutrition is part of our everyday health and wellness. Prioritizing hydration, choosing healthy, whole foods can be beneficial for year round without a doubt!

Feeling calm: If you’re hosting, take the stress out of holiday meals by planning dishes in advance, asking for help with setting up, shopping or cooking, OR choose a catering company that makes delicious healthy meals for everyone to enjoy.

If you’re attending a lot of events, prepare healthy whole foods during the week and bring your water bottle out with you - no one says anything to me when I have a water bottle it’s no big deal.

Feeling excited: Get excited about all the yummy foods you can cook, or try this season. Google search seasonal vegetables in your area and get creative with recipes you can try and serve.

Take your time enjoying each meal, each bite and savour the moments with friends and family.

Feeling Connection: Focus on the time with your loved ones versus the food at the event. Share your new healthy habits with your friends and family and maybe create a game or healthy competition for drinking water during the event.

Enjoy the moments around the dinner table. Discuss flavours, or share recipes you’ve found with friends and family.

Our next section is all about

[10:20] Physical Healthy Holiday Habits

The holiday season creates a lot of “go-go-go!” energy. So many things are happening, we’re booking our calendars and daily routines are changing often. With more events and shopping to do it can be challenging to stick to our biological clocks and natural rhythms - but we can still make it work!

Habit number 5. Make time for movement. I always say that a body in motion stays in motion. During the holidays you want to be moving your body mindfully and intentionally, not just rushing around shopping and event hopping and what not. If you don’t already have a movement practice or exercise routine, now is a great time to start one. Yes I know you are busy, who isn’t!? I also know that you will feel so much better when you make time for movement every day. It could be a 45 minute strength training session, a 60 minute pilates class, or a 10 minute stretch at home.

If you’re travelling over the holidays, pull up your workout app or a YouTube video to keep you motivated to workout while away. It doesn’t have to be super intense to have an impact on your body and mind.

In episode 54 I shared my #1 Secret for Keeping Up with Fitness While Travelling,

Exercise also helps keep things moving inside our bodies, especially when we’re eating more or when we’re eating foods that are slower to digest. Daily movement boosts digestion and endorphins, you’ll have more energy and excitement for the busy day ahead.

6. Get enough sleep. The changes to your schedule can really throw off the natural rhythms and cycles in our bodies including our hormones, productivity, and more. My rule of thumb is going to bed the same day you woke up. A client shared this with me once during a pilates class and it really stuck with me. It makes a HUGE difference when I go to bed before midnight, even if it’s 11:50pm.

If you’re interested in learning more about our body’s chronology and natural cycles, check out the book: The Power of When (kindle edition)

Application for year-round: Just like our nutrition, physical health is a foundational part of our healthy lifestyle. It’s these types of non-negotiable habits that set us up for success before, during, and after the holidays. Supporting our bodies' natural cycles, getting quality sleep, and sweating/moving daily make the body feel good inside and out.

Feeling calm: Choose workouts that support this feeling such as yoga, mindful stretching, tai chi, etc. Create an evening routine that helps you transition from busy days to relaxing evenings to better prepare you for quality sleep.

Feeling excited: Mix up your workout routine to something more fresh, or try something new!

Feeling Connection: To connect more to self, use the evening as a wind-down time to journal and reflect on the day. When I’m weight training I’m not just working out my physical body. This is an important part of the day that is just for me. It’s a time that helps me deepen the connection with myself and my body. That feeling of connection can be the time you’ve made for you and your relationship with yourself, or others.

If you want a deeper connection with others, invite friends to train with you, or meet at a pilates class or workout class together. You can always grab a coffee after or maybe do some holiday shopping post-workout.

Our final section of today’s episode is all about

[14:28] Healthy Holiday Mindset Habits

If there is one thing I want you to take away from today’s episode it’s that your mind is SO POWERFUL and will determine how your holiday, and your life experience is going to go for you. I feel like this topic deserves its own episode, for the sake of staying on topic/theme I’ll discuss the key points. Having a balanced mindset will allow you to go out and have a great time this holiday season.

Habit 7. Make time for self-care. This can be a very busy time of year. As you get invited to more events and gatherings, remember to schedule in time for yourself, and the activities or interests that support filling your cup. Do you enjoy reading, bubble baths, massages, coffee dates with friends, getting a blowout or a pedicure? Schedule those into your calendar. I’ve recently started stretching with my yoga blocks to help me with my posture and I’ll put on music or an episode of Sinfeld and just lay there on the floor. It’s me time and I love it. You don’t even have to do anything during your self-care time, you can block it off for white space.

8. Practice mindfulness. Another really important piece of a healthy and supportive mindset is mindfulness. I mentioned it briefly when we were talking about nutrition, but it also applies to other areas of our life and the holidays. Of course everyone wants to be able to buy gifts for their loved ones, but that doesn’t mean going into debt or overspending to prove that you care about others. It isn’t worth the stress, guilt, or resentment this often leads to. Be mindful when you’re eating, shopping, accepting invitations, and in the day-to-day commitments this holiday season.

Which leads me to our final habit 9. Create healthy boundaries. What I mean by this is being able to say “no” when you mean no. Not overbooking yourself. Not overwhelming yourself with all of the things going on in this short amount of time. You can do anything, just not everything and that’s okay.

Some other Women’s Empowerment Podcast episodes on boundaries:

E107: The Holidays are the Boundaries Olympics

E34: 7 Things You Must Do When Creating Healthy Boundaries

Application for year-round: Whether you are headed into the holiday season or not, you can practice these mindset habits. Make self care, mindfulness, and boundaries a part of your schedule and lifestyle. One thing I do is look at my monthly calendar and see how many events or commitments I’m saying yes to in a month. If I have something every weekend that’s usually too much. If I’m doubling up on events or commitments on the same day in different cities, also too much. If for some reason I “HAVE TO” do a lot in a short amount of time I will schedule self care or white space time before and after busy days. And I will also ask for help when I need it. Delegating comes in handy all year round.

Feeling calm: If feeling calm is your goal, only say yes to events with the people who support this feeling. If your family stresses you out, perhaps you skip an event with them, or limit the amount of time you’re spending with the groups of people that overwhelm you.

Feeling excited: Seeing your friends and family, dressing up, event invitations might really excite you, the key is not to get overwhelmed with everything going on. Before saying yes to an event ask yourself “does this event excite me? Or Do I want to go to this event?” and if the answer lights you up, then go for it! If something isn’t exciting you, it’s not for you. Staying consistent with your mindset practice can really help you deepen the connection with yourself to truly understand what excites you and what doesn’t.

Feeling Connection: Place as much emphasis on quality connections with people around you. Connect with activities together other than eating such as DIY gifts, playing games, and building relationships with meaningful conversations.

So there you have it! Nine healthy holiday habits to support you in having a smoother, more meaningful holiday season. I would LOVE to know what holiday habits are you practicing this year? Let’s connect on instagram you can find me @vallavignelife

If you’re listening and implementing the actionable habits we talked about today on the show, take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your instagram stories @vallavignelife so I can see what is impacting you and how you are taking action! I want to cheer you on with your healthy habits.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneDecember 1, 2021

E155: Do Less of this ONE THING and Make More Time for Your Self-Care

To make an impact, you have to swap this detrimental mindset immediately! This quick episode challenges you to shift your perspective so that you can show up as the best version of yourself and make a greater impact in the world…

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[00:29] Hello friends! Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. My name is Valerie and I am your host and Healthy Habit Mentor. I work with women from all walks of life. I work with mothers, business owners, health care providers, students, coaches, and other women-identifying humans making an impact on the world.

So I can take a WILD guess that you my dear, yes you, have a desire to make a positive change in the world. I will bet that you are a person making an impact on the lives of people who are lucky enough to know you and be in your presence and that you give a lot.

With all of the incredible things you do, people you serve, and impact you are making, I will also be so bold as to say, there are times where you feel burnt out.

Heck, everyone has such busy lives and schedules, how do you cram all the things in? How do you possibly find time for you? Most days it feels like there is not enough time. Would you agree?

[1:35] I could definitely agree. There are days where I feel completely drained, exhausted, at the end of my rope, lazy, and totally BLAH! I couldn’t take action even if I tried. And I think the toughest part is that it takes even longer for me to achieve goals or tasks or make an impact because I am reviving myself AND still trying to do all the things at the same time. And really, the truth is when that is happening, I’m running on fumes. You feel me?

If you’re nodding along, then I’d like to challenge you to do less of this one thing to help you make more time for yourself and your self-care.

You see, what all of these impactful women have in common when we are doing all the things, burning out, and repeating the cycle again, is our detrimental perspective.

It took me a long time to learn that “we can do anything, just not everything.” I was a “yes person” for a very long time. There are so many reasons why we wrap ourselves up in these identities. Maybe we’re afraid of what people will think of us? Perhaps we aren’t listening to our intuition so we do what others expect of us. Or it could be that we want to be everything for everyone else and aren’t making ourselves a priority.

[3:08] Whatever your reason, I challenge you to change your perspective and prioritize yourself first thing every single day. Before you make any excuses. Before you tell me that it cannot be done. I am saying: I challenge you to prove to me that shifting your perspective on your self-care to this new thought doesn’t give you more time, more energy, more fulfilment in your life. Prove it.

Here’s what I’m talking about: Right now we have the detrimental perspective that we have to do all the things on our to-do list. We tell people that when it comes to our self-care our biggest struggle is finding the time. We feel like we have to cram and force it all into our calendars. We know we should put ourselves first, but when we actually see our priority list… well I’m not seeing our names on it, or it’s at the very bottom of the list.

I said some keywords here that I’d like us to reframe. Did you catch them? They were:

Have to

Finding the time

Cram and force

Should

[4:32] This languaging, this perspective is detrimental. Here’s the swap:

Get to

Create the time

Prioritize and make

Want

We get to do all the things

We can create the time in our calendars

We prioritize and make the time for ourselves

We want to put ourselves first

The detrimental perspective is disempowering. It creates feelings of pain, suffering, obstacles, struggle, and dislike.

The new languaging and perspective is empowering. It encourages feelings of joy, happiness, space, creation, strength, and bliss.

[5:12] Do less of, or completely eliminate that disempowering and detrimental perspective so that you can create more time for yourself. So that you can fill your cup up and then pour onto others. I know the filling the cup analogy is becoming a cliche, but it’s the perfect example and visualization for this.

Imagine an empty glass of water sitting in the middle of your kitchen table. This is you. Your self-care is the water we are pouring into our cup. When we first begin this shift in perspective. When we say “I get to work through my to do list today” We fill our up ¼ of the way. Then we “create time in our calendars” for the things that lift us up aka our self care we fill the cup another ¼ of the way. Our cup is now half full. Next, we put ourselves at the top of the priority list. Cup fills up again. We continue to do these things over and over and over again and the cup is overflowing. Imagine it. Imagine water just pouring into the cup and more water spilling over.

[6:25] Guess where all the extra water goes? To everyone and everything else around us, and the best part… WE AREN’T BURNT OUT! We are OVERFLOWING!

We can give more, do more, love more, create more, show up more, be more when we make this shift in our perspective. When we prioritize ourselves first every day.

If you think putting yourself last on the list is helping you or helping more people I am bursting that bubble right now. Fill your cup first.

Let this be a reminder to us all - myself included - to make this change and embody this new thought pattern.

You can also share your experience and let me know that you’re doing the challenge over on instagram @vallavignelife I want to know about what action and self-care you are taking to prioritize yourself!

If you’re listening to this episode and thinking of a friend who could also use this powerful mindset shift, you can share it with them and invite them into the challenge also.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneNovember 17, 2021

E152: IG Habits to Create Quality Connection & Content

E152: IG Habits to Create Quality Connection & Content with Steph Rigby

Learn to create quality connections online and quality content with Steph Rigby of @yourcontentbestie from Instagram…

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[1:21] Valerie LaVigne: I am very excited to welcome our newest guest to the show. Steph Rigby. Steph is an Instagram content mentor who empowers to create authentic content and helps them focus on using Instagram to grow their business. She has over 10 years of corporate sales and marketing experience. But the nine to five life just wasn't for her. She started her online business after constantly waking up feeling tired, unhappy and longing to do more with her life and just tried to climb the corporate ladder. Three months later, she went full time in her business and never looked back. Now she mentors online creatives and creating content that stops their dream client’s scroll. Welcome to the show!

Stephanie Rigby: Thanks for having me here.

VL: Yeah, it's really great to have you here. I know this is something that you and I have been talking about very long, trying to get together to do an episode for the show. And honestly, I totally believe in like signs and how timing is really important. I feel like this is the perfect time for us to connect. You've got some great new offerings going on. You have some amazing content and and tips to share. So yeah, I'm really excited to have you on the show finally, and I hope we can just dive right in. How does that sound? That's amazing. So you teach Instagram in a nutshell.

SR: Yeah.

VL: And what I love about what you do is you do it in such a fun way that really is true to you and true to who you are. So I love that you can see your personality shine through with your content and honestly as someone who really encourages and promotes and teaches Instagram and can be and using it for your community, I see that a lot of people are missing the mark with the connection. I always say like Instagram is a form of social media, but people forget the social part of it. So how do you create community on instagram?

SR: Yeah, I totally agree. A lot of people miss the mark on using it as a social platform and offense to be so full a lot of people I feel like I'm just creating content and not so this is something I'm super passionate about and have always focused on and help my clients focus on as well. building connections doesn't have to be hard at all. It's really just by not like my people, finding people that can relate to you that you can relate to and just connecting with them. And I think the one thing that a lot of people are afraid of is coming off sleazy, or spammy when to try to create those connections. And, you know, I think the pandemic also hasn't helped build like a lot of social anxiety. So like I think people get a lot of social anxiety when it comes to creating those connections or sending messages to people on Instagram. Now we've all been deleted from face connections, so want to make more connections online. However, we still feel that social anxiety of like, oh my god, like they're gonna think that they're gonna think that and we don't really just like push past those thoughts and push past those barriers and just build those connections as people so I think it's something that's missed with people and if you're not connecting with people on Instagram, your content alone is not enough to convert people, attract people and even just make money in general because let's be honest, a lot of us use Instagram to make money if you're not in business and you're using it, you know, for voyeurism or, you know, for the, you know, the purpose of just looking at other content that's different, but when it comes to making impact, whether he, you know, make a free impact or a paid impact on people. At the end of the day, you're not actually trying to connect with people you're trying to impact then so much get lost.

[5:30] VL: Yeah, that's a really good point, because I know people call it like posting. So if you just post something that is creating content and you're not engaging with comments, you're leaving potential clients and customers in the desk, potential paychecks if you really want to look at it this way. And something that I really discovered in the last year specifically is how important community is and because of all the changes and the shapes and all the lockdowns and things we've been going through I've really taken to social media, specifically Instagram to create these relationships and even you and I we've known each other for over a year now we've never met in real life yet we've had Yeah, we've had conversations and zoom calls outside of Instagram but we met through like minded people, and let's say it's day one for us on Instagram, or maybe not day one, but we're we're ready to try something different. We've been doing the content. And now what do we do?

[7:12] SR: We're a little bit nervous to show up in our authentic way because, you know, there's going to be the fears always like imposter syndrome. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I a question, or it's going to be what if they don't like me or what if they don't? Like what I'm, what I'm sharing personally and the other question again, a lot of you right now, but these are common limiting beliefs. The other question that I get a lot is, well, I want to keep my personal life personal. So how do we sprinkle in some of our personality without, you know, giving it all away and maybe bringing in family members or people who don't want to be seen on social media? How do we find the balance? Yeah, so those are some really great questions and you know, very common things that I find my customers are dealing with, or people that are having to meet or advice that aren't customers yet are dealing with and I think the biggest thing is knowing what people could potentially have a common view. So I think really knowing what your own interests are and what your own hobbies are, and what your own tendencies are, and being able to speak about that and make that known to people. I again, it's all about relatability right? So at the end of the day, you want people to be able to relate to you you want to be able to share information that's motivating and inspiring. And you want to be able to just build a genuine connection. So I always think of it like if I were face to face with somebody, which is maybe a new concept these days, but if I were face to face with somebody, or even like on a zoom call, what are some of the things that I would say or let them know that ice and those are some really good places to start? And simply the best way to just start is to just comment on people's content. And I think that is something or reply to their stories and it's something that seems obvious but not everybody does right away and people hold back because they fear that judgment or they think they're going to say something stupid or you know so at the end of the day I think that you have to really work on the mindset to behind your behind those thoughts and that impossible. Every time you do something or go to do something and you hear those like negative thoughts and you have to really make that verbiage in your head and you have to come up with stories for yourself. So that's one thing. The other thing to the point about what to share about your personal life, pick a couple friends that you're comfortable with that aren't too personal, right so like maybe it's something like your day to day like you could talk about your morning routine your evening routine, you could talk about you know, your kids or your pets or like I share my cat all the time that people love it like it's just so funny. Like I'll get people going to my profile from my story on like a random photo or video of a cat. And they're like, Okay, well I guess would be interested in learning more about me or they wanted to see what other content or maybe they thought I had tons of cat photos, a profile or something like that. So there's always something that people are going to be intrigued by. Can't always know what that is. So I think if you're afraid to show little things that are personal or sorry if you're free to show personal things you need to find a couple of little things that you're comfortable with sharing first, if you like to maybe make a smoothie every day. So just sharing things like that that are really relatable are really good place to start.

[9:50] VL: Absolutely. And I love that you use the word relatable because it's so connections with people and what I do my own Instagram trainings I was talking about that know like and trust factor. We've heard it over and over and over again. But the rule still applies. People need to get to know you and are going to find reasons to like you and then once they know you and like you they're absolutely going to start trusting you more and that could lead to a sale before it will be to a referral which leads to a sale. So it's really just about doing it right like putting yourself out there in some way shape or form and I love that you mentioned morning and evening routines because you know how I am all about those healthy habits for sure. So that's again, like for my own example, that's something that I share I talk about either whatever kind of whatever habit I'm working on at the time and for a while it was walking every day and so I would post a story of either 15 Second seconds of calm or look at this bird I saw on my walk today. Or like look at the sunshine. It's such a beautiful day, or it's raining rain or shine you're going for your walk like those are four examples of different stories that I posted on different days and that's four days where the quote unquote content but it's that relatable a little bit more personal content. I don't teach people how to walk. I don't tell people the weather. I don't talk about I'm not like a bird person.

Quite the opposite of a bird person. However, yeah, I have like trauma with birds. Anyway. That's for a different podcast.

However, what I am doing is I'm showing people one how to show up everyday for your habits, which is what I do, I'm happy to coach and to I'm encouraging people hey, look, I'm doing the work. I'm doing what I say that you should do or you need to find us results right and so, you know, this was consistency. Like I wish I was showing people like hey, look, I did this many 1000 steps today or you know what, I didn't reach my goal today, but that's okay. And I screenshotted my apps I track my steps and this was a huge connector to a lot of people. I had other people going on walks taking similar stories and tagging me that I'm saying was inspired to go for a walk by at @vallavignelife (instagram.com/vallavignelife) today.

I get goose bumps messages or get those mentiones.

someone's inspired by me sometimes taking action because of me and that's what that's what this whole my whole thing is all about as I want you to be inspired to take action. So again, like it doesn't have to be you know, my doctor visit you had today. It could be something a little bit more surface right that we can slowly start to uncover these different parts of us. I love watching those little cat pictures and videos that you shared stories so it's so fun and then it's not like I had a cat. My brother has a cat I love his cat. we can talk about that.

A little bit of an icebreaker for people.

But circling back a little bit to habits do you have any suggestions or habits and use like Instagram habits for example to create more quality connection and I want to like highlight the word quality.

[13:14] SR: Yeah, yeah, quality connection. Is everything and you don't want to force the connection or only be trying to connect with someone to hope that they're gonna buy something from you. So you really have to have the intention of being friends with people so I think one habit is get rid of that like I'm going to sell to them mindset and like really just things like how can I befriend this person? And how can I really just start to gain, you know, relationship with this person on a platonic level? Let's just call it instead of you know, looking at it like, Okay, if they start to like get to know me and trust me, then also they can pitch them on my services. And that's like, it's a really negative motive, like not a negative motive with a very specific motive. And I think that if you leave without high expectation, you're always going to be disappointed, and it's not going to go the way you wanted it to the new frustrated and you're going to back off from that connection and it's just it's not going to seem genuine and those are mistakes that I personally when I first started I mean, because every everyone made it seem like it was so easy to just hop in the DMS send people a couple messages, ask them about their business and that they were just gonna open up and reveal everything to you and that's just not how it works. So I think you know, a specific habits that I really worked on was my mindset and then you know, it relates to Instagram very much because you need to have a very positive mindset and not let things bother you because there's so much facades on Instagram or so many facades on Instagram of people like making tons of money and making it look so easy but they don't show kind of like the hardships that they've gone through or the struggles behind it. And they they only talked about the successful deals, they don't talk about the failed DMS You know how people have rejected them or you know, big objections that people have given them or how people have never replied to them. So I think working on your mindset every day is the habit that helps you you know, do better on Instagram and build more genuine connections when you're not like having such high expectations that you're also not going to allow yourself to feel like crap when somebody doesn't respond to you or doesn't go as quickly as you wanted to. And, you know, just really focusing on how to rewrite the stories in your head on like imposter syndrome and that sort of thing. So that's what happened.

Fine, cool messages, so make sure that you reply to messages fairly on time. So I usually give 24 hours sometimes 48 hours on weekends when I like as a timeframe to reply to people because I've actually lost connections with people that I that I had, like, I was warming up a connection and I was you know actually becoming friends with them and then I didn't reply for a couple days and it sours that connection and a little bit and so that's a that's a habit that I've started to for myself it's like trying to flag the specific people that I'm you know, creating a new relationship with and make sure that I get back to them as quickly as I can and just keep that feeling going because it would be the equivalent of like, you know, seeing somebody face to face in person talking to them and then they get lost in their phone for 20 minutes or however long you were having a conversation for they're unavailable but they're right in front of you for like you know, a certain amount of time and then that gives you like a sour taste or just it turns you off, you know, so another habit is just consistently replying to messages.

And then another habit is to make sure that you're just showing up consistently with your content as well. So you want to make sure that you're consistently creating content that helps solidify those connections, right. So showing up in your story regularly, you know, sharing the kind of repeating some of those things that you feel like people really like about your stories. So like if they enjoy seeing your cat, making sure you're sharing your cat more often and making sure that you're sharing those things that really resonate with people as consistently and often as possible.

And then I think, you know, with that again, it's really about the mindset and working on Okay, what else can I show people like how, you know, much more brave Am I now to share these things or how much more comfortable Am I now to share, you know, a deeper side of my personal life and, you know, really verify that connection with people. So those are a couple habits for building connections on instagram.

[17:28] VL: Those are awesome. I think they're so important. Mindset is one of those things that are a little bit especially with what's happening now and being online more and kind of missing out on that human connection is that we only see the highlight reel of Instagram. For most people, most accounts are just saying, Hey, look at me look at my success. And when you go on Instagram and you see success, success, success story. You know that can be very disheartening, especially as a business owner especially as an entrepreneur and you think everyone else ish together and I definitely don't. And you know what, at the end of the day, I feel like you and I both know that this isn't true, but it is something that I need to remind enough often like I will get in that I'm in like a dry spell. Post right now. This doesn't happen very quickly because the ideas are endless and I know what you're talking about.

But it just isn't resonating. It doesn't feel authentic. Like I'll have a list of ideas and I just think I don't want to post about this. This doesn't feel right for me today. I don't want to most of the day see all these other business owners who are posting these incredible content ideas and I think wow, like that's so perfect.

And it's easy to get caught in the negativity. It's easy to get caught up in the mindset, the imposter syndrome and the lack and the the all the things so definitely working on mindset. Is there something or are there certain tools that you use to support you with your mindset?

SR: Yeah, so I use Insight Timer. I love it because it's just you can you can literally put in any keyword of what you're feeling whether it's anxiety, fear, doubt, shame, anything and you'll always find something that will help you get over that and I really love their affirmations audios like I think those are really great and I've actually been wanting to make a real with some of the affirmations audios. But one of the things I actually created in a course I put out last year with a list of Instagram success affirmations. And so I often repeat those to myself or have similar affirmations about my own success on Instagram or for example. You know, the biggest thing that I think gets people down about content on their stories is when people don't reply to their stickers or their polls or those sorts of things. And personally, it happens to everyone it's happened to me I've put in a lot of work I have a very engaged audience, but sometimes people just don't reply. And you know, I think we have this whole mindset behind that of like, well that's that that's really bad. Like if people don't respond to you, that's bad like and and we have to rewrite how we look that like we're so critical of those things that are out of our control. And so I think it's really like looking at what's in my control what can i What can I not control and how much energy or emotion like going to put towards what I can't control you know? What I mean? And so, those are the things that I think are really important in terms of like, the mindset aspect, other tools, I just, you know, journal, sometimes they journal things out, have a pep talk with somebody else, you know, those are some other like resources or tools you can tap into, and then even those like pages on Instagram that are all about like success in mindset, well, not necessarily but like mindset and positivity. Those are effective driven towards success with that call deleted the same time, but I really think that like following those accounts and getting that inspiration really helps.

[21:04] VL: Yeah, absolutely. I think those are amazing I love and type timer as well. And I think what you said about following specific accounts I think it goes the same way with you can unfollow specific accounts that are not letting you know when you can always follow them later.

Yeah, the thing too, like even though I teach Instagram and I use Instagram for a lot of my business, I remind people at the end of the day is just Instagram. It's not worth stressing over. It's not you know, getting wound up or overwhelmed in any way. So yes, the mindset is so important. And I love what you're saying to like, really responding to people in the DMS in the comments. You know, these are little habits that we can take time every day. I find and we mentioned this before, like don't leave people hanging in the comments or in the DMS. Yeah, I think 24 hours to 48 hours is a great Clarcor if you can get in there and if you can't go back and really return us thoughtful DM I say this all the time. If you're if your DM or your comment isn't thoughtful, like do more than just respond with a sticker or an emoji or, you know, like, I can't tell you how many times I want to punch my phone when someone replies with heart emoji heart emoji heart emoji. Yeah, I can't, I can't like I so and you'll see this if you go to my Instagram feed, you'll see in comments that I never reply with just emojis. And when players do comment, my replies are like, thanks so much for showing up or keep bringing the love like I always reply with words. And what I've noticed is it took a little while for whether it was stories agement stickers, for you know, the call to action was drop a comment below in the comments, whatever those call to actions were in terms of building the engagement. It took a little while but because I was consistent with it, which was one of your attempts, because I was consistent with it. I've been getting a lot more engagement, and it's growing now. Actually, even though it was a really slow start and I'm not going to go like go on two strikes and say, Hey, I saw that a bunch of people saved my leader post for fire you commenting on it. I asked you a question. Yeah. I literally in in stories, and then people will actually go back. We'll tap on my posts and they'll be like, hey, I'll be the first to comment. It's happened before and again like you can't be embarrassed by the little things, especially with stuff. they go away in 24 hours.

SR: Yeah I love that. you do that though.

VL: Sometimes it's so simple. Just tell people what you want them to do. Right? I know this is marketing one on one, one on one. Tell people what you want them to do tell people how you want them to use your product, wasn't it? I think it was head and shoulders who said lather rinse repeat with they have doubled their shampoo sales. Because all they said on the bottle. Another rinse repeat never need to wash your hair two times. Yeah.

This is marketing - anyway, I just got so funny but there's definitely a way to do it where like, tap back to screenshot and that's value to you. And then of course the sprinkler, Cool Cat videos and categories and things like that.

Okay, there's one more piece that I want to talk to you a little bit more about and that's creating content. So I feel like create content creation has its own blocks. That can be I don't know what to post Oh, my gosh, how many times have you heard I don't know what to post. or, you know, my posts aren't converting or, you know, how do I know what's working? i? How many questions do you get a day about this?

[25:24] SR: Yeah, so maybe we can kind of maybe break through a couple of those. Mindset blocks and share some of those happens for content creation. Yeah, so I think the biggest one is doing like the research like that is like the hugest thing and like you could do that on your story. You could do that via a Google form and incentivize people to Starbucks or Amazon gift card or a local gift cards and support local or whatever your new agendas. You can just interview people in your network. You can you know, send messages to people that you started to build connections with and actually, you know, make them feel like they're helping you when you put it when you keep owning.

It makes them want to help break so I think that's how you have to frame things instead of like, I want information from you so that I can sell to you, you have to kind of put it out there like I want you to help me so that I can help you and kind of put that back on them in that kind of way because you know, so the one thing is like, we are always trying to build an engaged audience. So when it comes to content, want to know what your specific target audience wants to know. So you can ask them directly or you can go to a site called like questions ninja or answer the public and things like that where you can literally just put in a keyword and it will give you all the most frequently asked questions on the internet of that specific topic. And so you can like utilize those in your content. And it's really easy to just create carousel posts and things like that, that answer those questions for people or explain how to do things. You know, myth busting is a really big one. I see a lot of people doing so.

Yeah, so finding out what people want to know is really big. And then the other thing is like habit that you need to do is have that planning and scheduling habit, you know, really locked down so you need to find you know, at least two hours in your week where you can sit and create the content. And I think you know, when you're overwhelmed and you find it hard to necessarily post consistently, you need to be very reasonable with yourself and only, you know, post a few days a week and not try to force yourself to like go too crazy and like do it too much and so I think being kind to yourself has a lot to do with that because we always feel like these big shoulds and I was just on the phone with somebody before before this and I was talking to them and they're like I should do this. I should do that. And I said stop saying should you want to do it. If he wants to do it, get excited about doing it instead of telling us what you should do because then it becomes a necessary evil and then feel like you have this negative connotation behind that thing that you feel you should do. But then when we tell ourselves, we should do things, how often do we procrastinate on those things, right? Like whenever you feel like you should do something you almost never do that you take forever to do it. So I think that is that is a huge thing that you have to kind of level with with yourself and go like okay, what can I actually do? What can I either afford to do timewise you know, have a task to do ahead mentally to do all these things and just try to make things as simple for yourself as possible. So Instagrams actually given us a gift with this whole new like video content thing, right? Because videos actually easier to create you and I were just chatting about this. It's way easier to create video content than it is to actually write a huge caption and gather all the hashtags for it and you know, make the graphics and all of that I think video content and there's a reason why it's been so big on tic toc YouTube is like video content is just a lot quicker to make and all it really requires at the end if you want to do if you just edit it, you know what I mean? So I think you just need to find like what is easy for you to do what is quicker for you to do and then focus on doing those things. So if you're somebody that can max out your stories all the time and create tons of stories. That's cool. I mean, it's you don't have to post on your team every single day or you know, you don't ever really have to post in your feed if you do have an engaged audience via your stories but he is somewhere where it's just the general profiles. Learn more about it is important to show up on your feet at least once or twice a week at the bare minimum but so I think just like the reasoning with yourself and just like finding what actually works for you is really important. Um, so yeah, so those are some of the things I would say. And then also when it comes to like, you know, creating connections through your content, you want to make sure that you're putting that information out there that people want to know. And you know, it could just be telling a story so like having a mix of like personal content, educational content, and promotional content is also really, really helpful. And so just starting to share more about yourself and create a variety of content is what's going to diversify your feed and your content but then also set you apart from your competition because nobody is you. So that's why you have to show who you are otherwise people are just going to group you with everybody else in your niche or in your field. So yeah, I think I think those are kind of like my top three or four.

[30:14] VL: love all of those. And I think you're right. I feel like you don't have to post everyday events for dang sure. I know a lot of people who have very engaged stories and they sometimes post once a month on the feed, and that's guys, but they're also showing up on Instagram Live, which we didn't talk a little bit about today but that's okay. They're showing up in other ways as well that's not necessarily a grid post or a carousel.

You're saying it's, it's a, it's a video, or maybe they're like me and they have a podcast, or they're like it when you're gonna be a guest on different shows and you can promote those things for stories or for DMS and whatnot. But then there's also a little bit of excitement, like when we do post. It's amazing because they're posting quality versus quantity. I think there's such a pressure when you're looking at all the people who are doing such a great job and you see these amazing dynamic feeds with videos and carousels and reels and iG TVs and you're like that so we need, like, I don't, I can't even think about that 10 times a week.

hoping it was so much fun to me. And I love astrology and obviously I love talking about habits. So I just bought two things that I love together. People found it incredibly relatable people were sharing it and posting it and saving it and all these things. So I can't even tell you how many replies I've gotten, how much feedback I've gotten. And, you know, is it realistic for me to post a reel that takes me two hours every time every day? No, maybe not. But no, but but the thing is, is I can keep referring people to that reel, we can repurpose content in other ways. This is a connection for people who have messaged me to say, oh my god, you totally got my sign right? I love astrology too. I'm a lot a lot. Now I'm getting to know this person like, Oh, they're a Sagittarius. Well, that's interesting. Maybe I could do more. For all the Sagittarius isn't my feet are coming up like oh, is it Sagittarius? Susan? Yeah, definitely. So so this is feedback. And this these are insights as and I know that you teach more about like actual Instagram insights, but even just the feedback alone is an incredible tool and insight for people who are using Instagram for their business to create more of that content and more added value.

Oh my goodness, so many good things today. I'm really glad we talked about mindset that actually surprised me a little bit. I didn't think it was going to come up but I love these organic conversations because that's exactly what we needed to talk about today. so perfect. Yeah, yeah. Are there any other either habits or tips you want to share today about quality connection or content creation at all?

[33:57] SR: Yeah, so I kind of just wanted to piggyback off of what you were just saying where you were talking about something that people found super relatable so I think when people kind of go at their content like they're hoping it's gonna go viral and it's this like thing that people are always trying to achieve and I think again it's like what's the expectations are so high and there's so very specific and unrealistic in a sense as well that you need to do something that's fun for you that you enjoy because it's supposed to be sold supposed to be a way to connect with people. So instead of doing it to be popular or to go viral, viral you want to do it just to irrigate your crops for smoke test also entertain the people that you know are seeing your content, right. So I think creating things that are about the people that you're that are in your audience or that you're targeting is really important. So again, a zodiac sign is something any one can relate to you mostly people that that really only believe in it, obviously, but like that's so specific. So knowing that about your target audience is really important as well. So just asking people as many questions as you can in the comment section or in the DMS, when you actually get a conversation going with people. That information is going to help you then create content for those people, right. So like, one of my clients like she's a mom, so like, I'm not a mom, but I can create content like you know, tips for moms, like you know, tips for busy moms when it comes to creating content or how to, you know, creating busy routes or creating reels for busy moms or something like that or tips for creating reels for busy moms. Like I can make a very specific thing about that. Or I can make like, like a cat lady, like real you know what I mean? Like things that like cat moms do and like all the people in my audience that are cat mom, there are a lot of the things that catches me on that they'll resonate with that right to let people make them laugh and they'll love it and that sort of stuff. So I think just finding out what you have in common with people are connecting with is really important to the life and that your content. But first and foremost, I think having fun and you know when it comes to habits, I think like the biggest habit is just like scheduling time for yourself and being consistent because it'll be in the heart habit in itself formulate, but that's why you need to start small and start slow and start being consistent with that one thing and then you can take on those other things. So I think if there's anything on Instagram that we're going to start to be consistent with, I would say showing up is super important. So just showing up consistently in general and then consistently connecting with people and trying to do those, you know, eventually simultaneously at the same time kind of thing connecting and showing up and now those are the two really important habits. There's so many people that I interact with on a daily basis really, how many days for a really long time and I'm not here to clean anybody but that is the biggest piece so if you can't engage that like I think that that's super important as well.

[37:04] VL: Wow, so much added value. very much for being on the show. This has been really fun. I feel like I've learned a lot of different things and I also feel like this was a really great group Joinder of you know you're not having to do things or you don't you don't have to tell yourself I should all the time you should listen to yourself saying you should you should have saying you should.

Yeah, well stuff people are going to want to know more. They're going to want to learn from me more I just know it so where can we find you? Where can we follow you and how can we support your business?

SR: Yeah, great question. So you can follow me at @yourcontentbestie on Instagram. It's the same on all social media platforms to find me on Pinterest and Facebook. Well, you can also go to my website www.yourcontentbestie.com I have lots of great free resources on there to help with Instagram and content creation.

And in general, one of the things that I'm super passionate about is helping people plan their content and show up authentically and consistently so I have a monthly membership that is dedicated to just that it has tons of really helpful resources from cats and frogs, stories and reels, ideas, post ideas, hashtag database, all of those great things. And then you also get two calls a month, one springs from content with me and a bunch of other women in business, and then one call to actually plan your content and actually get it all on the calendar and schedule so that you can save yourself time and stress. So yeah, that is what I want.

VL: Those are great suggestions. I love when when guests give a call to action like that, like you can support my business by literally just interacting and engaging with Instagram. Yeah, I think people realize how amazing it is to get a response on a question sticker in your stories.

Or DM me that yeah, like let's build a relationship together. I genuinely want to help you.

RAPID FIRE

1. What are you currently reading? What’s your favourite book?

You are a Badass

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0762447699/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0762447699&linkId=4e3e41a5c1dd2ae8e505a48d1e803ac1

You are a Badass at Making Money

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B072JLQ1LS/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=valerielavi01-20&creative=330641&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B072JLQ1LS&linkId=bade3d73091bdb4ee3257a73a6137f3e

2. What do you love most about being a woman?

Oh, okay, well, I love my sensuality and I just you know, really love like my body and the way that I feel and the way that I look so I don't know if this makes me feel super womanly in a sense, but it just makes me feel proud of who I am and that God or whoever created me helped create this lovely figure and lovely person that I am and I'm just such a you know, sensual person from you know how I listen to other people to like a friendly caress or a hug and I'm just very, you know, emotional and sensual. And so I think I, I really love that about myself and you know, happens to be a woman.

3. What does empowerment mean to you?

Okay, so empowerment means a couple of things. So why was being able to say that's what a power is being able to get over a block or a hump that was stopping you from doing something and then evil actually removing any things that were any blockages or barricades that were in your way? And then I also think it means empowering other people, right? so whether that's giving people confidence, giving them tools, resources, anything like that, I think the power meant just means people are able to reach their goals or do something that's been really hard for them to do.

4. What are you currently working toward?

Oh, okay, well, I'm working towards where I'm a business. I recently just grew my team. So really happy about that. But I am working on increasing my income every month, every quarter and just scaling and growing in general and also my mindset. My mindset is like a huge thing as I talked about a lot and I really, really made some serious strides and how I speak to myself the stories I tell myself, and just in general like my positivity and my happiness, all because I focus on you know, having a more positive mindset for you and congratulations on some very exciting.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneOctober 27, 2021

E151: Creating Lasting Change Through Cold Therapy

E151: Creating Lasting Change Through Cold Therapy with Ashley Orr

Meet Ashley: breathwork and meditation facilitator, and certified level 2 Wim Hof Method instructor. In this episode Ashley shares how cold therapy created powerful lasting change in her life, and how she teaches others to cultivate that same positive transformation…

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[1:52] Valerie LaVigne: Welcome back to The Women's Empowerment Podcast. I am very excited to welcome a new guest to the show. Ashley Orr. Ashley overcame PTSD with the power of breath, and the cold, which led her to become one of Canada's first Wim Hof Method instructors, she wrote meditation and breathwork practices for modules for Athabaskan university through the techniques of breath and connection. Ashley creates experiences that help others heal, grow, and be assigned. This sounds so incredible Ashley, welcome to the show. I have been very excited to interview you today.

Ashley Orr: Thank you so much, it is so great to be here.

VL: You know I have been, for lack of a better term, kind of following and stalking you on Instagram, which I love seeing all of the fun retreats and events and workshops that you put together and to be honest, it's like, it's a bit thrilling for me to watch because I'm, I'm seeing all of these people and women like going into these giant tubs of ice water, these ice baths, and I'm looking at it like I'm holding my breath because I'm just feeling the cold without even having to be there and thinking, I really want to do this, but it terrifies me. Do you hear that a lot from people?

AO: I actually do so that's a perfectly normal and regular response to the cold whenever I bring it up, and I actually didn't always love the cold either. I wasn't fond of going out into open water, or exploring nature. I really enjoyed those man made pools in 85 degrees or higher. So, yeah, definitely the cold was a new thing that I was introduced to a few years ago, and it's changed my life in the exact same resistance as you too, But that's where the growth is to.

VL: Oh absolutely and this is something that is a pretty big focus of the podcast is this transformation, and it's getting uncomfortable, and this opportunity to grow is it's not usually it's not usually a warm hot tub, it's, it's usually like the ice bath if we're going to use it as a metaphor. So, because you're the first Wim Hof Method instructor that I've interviewed for the podcast, could you share a little bit more about who Wim Hof is, and what is the method all about?

[4:28] AO: Wim Hof is an extreme athlete, he's from the Netherlands and he actually has over 26 world records. Now he found the cold when he was suffering from pain from his white, staff, and developed this method to overcome obstacles to grow, heal and become happier, healthier people. So the method is compiled into three main pillars: we dip into breathwork cold exposure and mindset techniques. It's a really interesting method because you get immediate results and that's why I was so drawn to it.

VL: That sounds really fascinating. So, what are the immediate results you speak of?

AO: Right away I noticed that my inflammation was lower, and any pain that I had within my body. It releases feel good chemicals when being oxytocin. So oxytocin is a bonding chemical, so not only if you experience the practice with others, you feel more connected to others. So you can think about team members, family members, partners doing the Wim Hof Method together and connecting stronger, but also it connects you to your higher self.

So that was a beautiful thing, it increases our cellular production, reduces stress and anxiety, helps with addiction, strengthens the connection with community, strengthens your mental alertness, creates energy and improves your sleep. I could literally go on forever because I keep on tapping new things that the Wim Hof Method is teaching me and showing me.

VL: That is so incredible. I feel like, you know you're listing all these things and I can I can pick one or two that would definitely resonate with me, and support my, my goals and my health and then I'm thinking well yeah this list is going on like, Who Wouldn't this serve there anyone that you you recommend not doing cold therapy?

[6:34] AO: I recommend consulting with your doctor if you have any heart conditions First, before starting the method.

VL: Okay, perfect. Oh, I'm so excited about all of this again, it's like, whenever I am really scared of something in this way where there's this curiosity I feel like this is my intuition, kind of nudging me into this direction of taking this. This ice bath so is it possible for you to kind of walk us through this scenario like assume that I've never done this before and I'm coming to you, and you've got the bath ready. What’s next?

AO: For sure, so I create a very warm, welcoming trusting environment. And we gather, and I actually take you through amazing breathwork techniques before we go into any water. I go through three different techniques where you can manage your stress, control your nervous system, and learn how the breath can either be a gas pedal or a brake. So that's the first thing that he learned, then we actually went through the ice bath, and our minds. So the practice of visualization is so powerful in between those times I'm really building trust with you. So you go into the ice bath and know that you're completely supported by myself and those around you.

Then I will teach you the little tools that are important to make the ice bath not a traumatic experience. I don't know if you've seen any YouTube videos of people going into the ice but especially the athletes, they seem to be having a really hard time on the ice. So the main thing to focus on is your breath, and I teach you a technique to extend your exhale, that takes you into your parasympathetic dominance, so that's your more relaxed, relaxing, rest and digest state. And then you go into the ice for two minutes and 20 seconds for the first time. I teach all about how the first minute is all about the mind and body trying to make itself, comfortable, and get out of this comfortable place, but there's also the moment of growth. So when we push that past the resistance, that's where all the inner strength comes from. And then you get to attack that at any time throughout the rest of your life. It's so cool because when you're in the ice bath time bends in a different way. I call it a mini vacation because not only are you resetting your body when you're setting your mind because.

Because literally all you can think about is your breath. So the lists go away. The Drama goes away, the news goes away. Everything else melts in the ice and you're the most present you've ever been, and it's really beautiful.

VL: Nodding along like yes, this is what I need and this is definitely that. And it just becoming a little bit more of a shove. A shove of your direction. And I need to know what is the significance of the two minutes and 20 seconds. I feel like that's very specific.

AO: Yes, so that's as long as you need in the ice water to reap physical benefits. So there's studies that show, you know, by lowering inflammation and lowering cortisol levels, your energy will be up for the rest of the week. I actually put in a group of co-workers for my company and the ice bath together last night. So not only did they strengthen their connection through the carpet they did something hard together which really bonded them, and I can't wait to see how their sleep was last night because they were buzzing and just so happy, and really just full of joy and excitement, so it was a really cool experience.

VL: That sounds great. I mean, you mentioned the connection and I just thought like community team building would be such a great kind of a fun and scary way to connect with the team so I'm so glad that you said that you facilitated this group that's so incredible. And, I mean you spoke about the colors of the method and about different areas of class, I know that we try to really briefly, that you teach kind of three things about our breath, that can change the way that we respond to stress and experience like, is this something that we can use outside of the cold as well?

AO: 100% Yeah, it's so beautiful. Once you learn that you can respond based on your breath, and really control your nervous system. It just opens the doors to so much more experience and freedom. I know that I used to come from a very reactive state, I was stuck in character and sympathetic, for a long time, and I wasn't giving myself the time to respond effectively.

So there's three things. So there's three things that we can change about our breath right away.

VL: Yeah! Let’s do it!

AO: Okay, yes. So put your hand on your chest, and then one on your belly, and just breathe as normal as you can, even though I told you to breathe normally.

So the first thing that we can change about our breath is the passageway. So notice if your breath is coming in through the nose, or in through the mouth.

If you suffer from neck, shoulder aches and headaches. It could be because you breathe through your mouth. If you're waking up after a night's sleep, feeling unrested, it could simply be just because you're breathing with your mouth. If you're feeling bloated, irritable, that could be because of mouth breathing as well. Most breathing tends to be really shallow and into the chest. Now when we breathe through our nose, we access something called nitric oxide and actually carries the oxygen to our vital organs and tissues, makes us feel rested, energized, gives us a boost of energy. The nose is actually built for breathing.

It was a big mouth breather for a very long time, and I thought that I couldn't switch over, Because you know my nose would feel clogged or stuck duck but the more we engage breath through the nose, the more the tissues open up the nose is beautiful for breath, also because it warms up the breath, the lungs are wet tissue so you want to practice the breath before it comes in. So there's so many benefits about breathing through the nose, and also comes in slower and it usually ends up in our bellies, which is the next thing that I can teach you to change your breath. So is your breath in your chest or is it in your belly?

When we breathe, our chest is usually shallow and rapid. If you notice when you're frightened, scared or stressed, what do we do, we kind of hold our breath. Yeah, exactly. And what does that create that calculation for now so we're taxing on your body so you're giving your body stress on top of an already stressful situation. The easiest way to guide your breath to your belly is just placing your hand on your lower belly and breathing into your hands. And just like any exercise or muscle, it takes a little bit of work to engage it, but the more you do it, the easier it will be to engage. And we know there's so many benefits of diaphragmatic breathing that slow down the breath. When we breathe to our center, we become more center.

And then I talk about inhaling the exhale, which is longer? Which is shorter? If your exhale is longer than your inhale, and I teach the exact same thing in the ice bath, you're going to be in your parasympathetic dominance, right, that's our rest and digest. It's very important for us to get there because that's how we absorb nutrients and vitamins. If we're eating, and we're stressed. We're not going to absorb those nutrients, so we really need to take some time. Slow down the breath, breathe through the nose, send it down to the valley. And one of the techniques that I like to use, especially after or before speaking engagements or when I'm stressed, is you can take an inhale 234 exhale, two, three, or by.

Inhale, 234 exhale 234 by six want to inhale again for four, and then push your exhale out to seven, and keep on climbing until you get to 10. I promise. After two rounds of that, which takes less than two minutes, you will feel your nervous system and body relaxed.

[16:01] VL: I already feel very much more relaxed. I was a little bit tense before our call this morning. But yeah, this feels really nice. And also just noticing, even through my belly. I feel constriction in my breath. And both the inhalation and the exhalation so just even bringing awareness to it right at the beginning I was like, Oh, I'm not doing. I'm not allowing the space that I actually have the capacity that I could breathe into.

AO: Intention is the first step. I mean we breathe over 20,000 times a day and spend little attention to it. So the day I found my breath. And then I could control it, and then my experiences, was the day that the game completely changed. And that was the day that I first attended my first workshop of the Wim Hof Method.

VL: It's so incredible. It's so amazing that you. I mean I don't know where you were exactly in your life and last time and perhaps you want to share that with us but to go to an event that or will this workshop, changed your life, so much so that you've now have pretty much dedicated your life to teaching this means that is. That's something that like when I started I recognize it as like this and it completely transformed, who you would describe yourself as before learning this so, I mean, even not not even experiencing it, that story alone has me more curious has been more excited to try it, even though it's like I said, like I keep saying it seems a little scary, but the breathing techniques you just taught and the changes are there, they're accessible they're attainable right now, they're immediate, so I can, I can see how this would be so I guess beneficial, someone who maybe hasn't brought awareness or hasn't been intentional about their breath.

[18:32] AO: Very powerful. Completely life changing my story kind of started when I was 18 I was headed for a really bright future. I was in college, really making changes, you know, based on my future and what I wanted to get out of it. I ended up breaking up with a guy that was a little older and just not serving me.

Unfortunately, a couple months later he actually broke into my parents home. He attacked me. There was a sexual assault. He tied me up, told me that I wasn't going to live that day, and also told me that they weren't going to find my body. So after that I was in reactive mode. My whole body and system was in the fight or flight. And then I chased that because it started becoming very comfortable, so it didn't end there. I followed people that were abusive to me but it didn't happen right away. They introduced alcohol and substances. I learned how to mask pain, how to hide it deep inside, so for about 15 years I had substance problems and relationship problems, I couldn't keep a job. I couldn't get my money properly because I was in such a risk laden flight.

So through the Wim Hof Method. That's when the healing really started, that's when I was in control of my body again. The first time that I was in the ice bath. I found a connection to my body that I had never felt since then.

[19:49] VL: My goodness, but that is a very powerful story and thank you so much for, for sharing that with us today that I mean I want to take a deep breath for you and just acknowledge the strength and the courage and the vulnerability that it takes to, to move out of that. learn, comfort, and trauma and stress into something so much more supportive for your, your, your life and your growth, and I'm so happy to hear that you found the thing to help you heal and reconnect to yourself. That's amazing, were you introduced to Wim Hof as like from a friend or just how did you stumble upon it seems so random, giving the trajectory of events that you explained.

AO: Yeah, yeah it is super random. I mean, I was in the corporate world, before I got into this amazing world, and I was only, you know, as valuable as the numbers I put out that day, or what I would sell. And I was surrounding myself with people that just didn't serve me or take care of me, or even care for me. So I started on it and kind of an inward journey by myself really listening to my voice following my intuition, what was that voice and what was it saying, and learned about energy. So I received a Reiki treatment, and something just pulled me. I started googling what Reiki is, where I can get in and Hamilton. We found this amazing lady. She taught me about energy and how we store it, but also how we can move it. So, through breath work we move stagnant air energy and emotion. It's an actual purge, so that's when things started flowing for me. Then I ended up at the salt caves. It was a beautiful healing studio; it's a replica of the Polish salt mines. And it was the grand opening. And a gentleman that I just met, he ran sensory deprivation tanks in a studio downtown told me all about Wim Hof, and we started talking about plant medicine, and all these other modalities that can spark something inside of me. I remember my eyes just why with excitement and curiosity. So that year I was 33. That was like the year of awakening for me, Reiki plant medicine. I hooked up with a voice actor and we did some voice I'm tapping, then the Wim Hof Method appeared and so I didn't know much about it, it was almost five years ago there wasn't a lot of information. There was, however, that Joe Rogan podcast that everybody has met Wim Hof through, and I just signed up, I signed up for something new. It was mainly a male influenced course, You know, but that's kind of his male influence for a few years going through the training and everything and that's why it's so cool to be on here today talking about the men Path Method. Having my ladies night that I have weekly taking them through the method.

So it wasn't just one thing that sparked but it was a few things that led me to the Wim Hof Method.

VL: WOW! I am welling up with tears. Usually I'm not the one getting emotional. I just feel so inspired and empowered about the story how like, you're following that exact curiosity that I've been trying to describe to you about how I feel about you what you offer and you're and how I've been following you and watching your your offerings and I feel like it's so important to have this community and I love that you're, you know you're using the messaging you're introducing it in a way that does bring this entity and this the safe space for women to come together and to do the technique because. And, I mean, as you can imagine on the show we do talk a lot about, You know, mainly it's women's empowerment, even though there are both men and women who have listened to this show, but really tapping into this, this feminine and the divine feminine femininity, so it's incredibly wonderful and just refreshing to hear that you're doing this, and I again I'm so glad that you that you were pulled to to try something new and get out of your comfort zone and really, really be with that discomfort, so I mean your story is powerful but my question for you is for people such as myself who are curious and are terrified and want to to try something new and maybe it's not an ice bath, maybe it's just something that they've heard of, what would you say to them?

AO: Follow the things that make your heartbeat that make your heart beat faster. That's the indication, just follow that every time I do something out of my comfort so I have the courage to do something else out of my comfort. And that's kind of why I love cold showers, actually. So there's so many ways that we can experience cold exposure. You don't have to fill up a huge tank full of ice and submerge yourself. You can start by maybe turning the cold, the shower too cold for your last 30 seconds of your shower, then building up. Maybe it's just peeling back layers, you know, not putting on that coat when you feel cold, stimulating the hypothalamus, that's the part of the brain that responds to environmental stressors, but also to mental and emotional stressors. So literally, when we go out into the cold, we're strengthening that part of the brain to adapt to other sponsors as well. So lean into the things that cause your curiosity.

The coolest thing about a cold shower is when you leave the cold shower. You've already overcome an obstacle, early in the day. So what are you going to do for the rest of the day, you're going to take risks. Maybe it's a hard conversation. Maybe it's applying for a new job, maybe it's quitting the job that you feel stuck in somehow there's that untapped wisdom that comes out when we do hard things.

[26:36] VL: Maybe it's applying for a new job, maybe it's quitting the job that you feel stuck in. Somehow there's that untapped wisdom that comes out when we do hard things. Oh my goodness this is so cool and I have done it. I don't even know if it's 30 seconds but I have before, changed the, the top in the shower to really cool, before I get out of the shower, I find it just like really invigorating and energizing in the morning but now I now I'm even more drawn to it because I'm like yes I want to be able to overcome something, and then that expands into the next part of my day, or whatever the challenge that arises, it's definitely confidence to say you can definitely see that. Wow. And what are some other ways that we can experience a cold exposure shape, so you said not putting on a jacket is so we live in Canada. There's snow here for a lot of the year, can we use the snow in some way?

AO: In so many ways we are so lucky to live up here, I mean once you start enjoying the cold, you have a brand new half of a year that opens up, right, like I used to be very inside all winter. Now I love summer, but I can't wait till winter appears again, because there's so much that we can play in and do Sarah actually a mutual friend of ours, loves cold exposure and just going out, when she has her coffee out into the cold, so we can do snow angels in the cold, we can do, you know, limited clothing hikes, and our master module for Wim Hof and in Poland, we actually take people up a mountain in the middle of the winter in their shorts.

E131: How to Incorporate Mindfulness Daily with Sarah Sturino

So there's tons of ways to experience that. But yeah definitely peel back the layers barefooting is an amazing way to stimulate all the receptors in our feet feel invigorated lower inflammation experience.

And I think there's something that comes from the phrase, chill out, because literally the cold just makes you chill out. It's such a beautiful grounding tool.

VL: Wow, that's so cool, it does - no pun intended, it sounds very cool and I love that you said, chill out, I never really thought about what came from that expression came from.

All of these sound, so amazing and definitely attainable. So I know that you are local to me so people who are listening.

AO: I go everywhere. I have a tank and travel, mainly right now Southern Ontario because of the restrictions. So I do travel, you know, hours away either private sessions, I have workshops throughout the province. I do one on ones I have weekly ice baths on Tuesdays, as well as Thursdays, so there's lots of ways to enjoy the cold and connect with cool people. And yeah, I just love to meet new people, so definitely come out please.

Ashley’s Instagram: @iceplunge.ash

Ashley’s Website: www.AshelyOrr.com

VL: So, maybe someone's listening to this and thinking, I feel really cold, or I feel really, I've done this before. I've heard of it before I want to go and do, let's say they want to, you know, go on a similar journey as you and become a Wim Hof Method instructor. What is this training called and how do we find the right one for us?

AO: You can go to www.wimhofmethod.com It lists all the amazing workshops, there's a free app also all our instructors but also information on how to get started with the academy. When I started with my training. It started with a 10 week online course. And then you're invited to a two day mass advanced module, either in LA, or in the Netherlands. After completion, then you move on you get to go to the master module which is a week long, with Wim Hof, and your final test is climbing up the mountain in your shorts with Wim Of course, I definitely encouraged it. The whole process took me about two years. So it's definitely something that you have to invest your time in also going fully and then keeping that practice going while you're in training. So grab your friends strengthen your practice, reach out to other instructors. The beautiful thing about the Wim Hof Method instructors is, I could go to a different workshop by every instructor and learn something new. We all have different backgrounds, there's different reasons why we all got to this place, and the learnings and teachings of the Wim Hof Method, they don't end, it's a long journey, and an awesome rabbit hole to fall down so I definitely encouraged.

VL: Wow, I feel like I'm discovering more and more and actually since I heard of you and sort of following you. I actually was hearing about when cough and cold exposure and cold therapy from other people who are not a mutual friend of ours and I, I actually learned recently that I know another Wim Hof Method instructor who was in Australia, and I thought oh that's really cool because when I met that person that's not what they were doing. So it's cool to see how. More and more people are really getting involved, and, you know, taking, taking the plunge area with the puns again. Look out by I love this idea of this community and as I, as an outsider, because I haven't done it. I haven't tried it yet but I'm very excited to.

To learn more as I'm like stuttering through this because I'm terrified in the best way possible. What I've seen as an outsider, is that there really seems to be a community that comes together and dives right in and, I mean, again like I feel like I already mentioned this but it sounds like such an incredible team building experience or community building experience and how supportive, that could be for someone through an intense feeling such as this. So, yeah, I want to just take a moment to really acknowledge you and all of the the work that you've done and the time that you put in and the people that you that you help and, You know, reading the testimonials and seeing other people do this work with you and through you is, it's so powerful and inspiring to watch, and I just have to talk myself out of the headspace, to actually do it. But yeah what your work is very important and I definitely wanted to say thank you for that.

[34:36] AO: I thank you so much. It's so neat because the cold really represents so much more, it represents fear, it represents the unknown. So, the method starts, you know, when we first start talking about it. Maybe the monkey brain starts chattering, maybe we start making stories up of why we can't go into the cold or why it's so hurtful or detrimental. A lot of people before they arrive at the workshop I talked about. So what excuses were going through your head the night before, you know sometimes people aren't getting sleep. But that's all part of the process. You get to learn about yourself, how you respond to the unknown, how you respond to stress and fear, but then you get to strengthen that part of yourself in your mind as well, Because when we leave the ice bath. We feel amazing that our circulation so you're, what is never circulated, down to the tips of your extremities like it was before natural opiates, start rushing through your body because you want to tap the natural medicine box. So then people are like that wasn't that bad. So it's a representation of how we make things up and build them so much worse in our minds. So it's another tool to control that mind and that monkey brain.

VL: That's perfect. One of the tools in my toolkit is positivity and really looking for the silver lining or the the growth of the change or the, the, what the learning experience or the learning opportunity. And as you're saying all these things I've in my head like, Okay, this is why you should do it or you need to do it, you know, I was born in February, I'm a winter baby, like, come on. I was born in the. Not really. I was born inside but still. So I'm just trying to talk myself into it. But, I mean, yeah, you gave, tons of benefits, and I feel like no don't hate until you try it, right, then you can really drive this after you try it, if it's for you or not.

AO: Absolutely, yeah I definitely suggest trying it, and you know come with a friend come alone. It is such a welcoming community, which is why I'm so excited, you know I don't have sisters, so to have a sisterhood and be surrounded by the right type of women is such an empowerment and something that we need as women and as men to find your tribe. Find your support and I really found it within this community. It's also an online community, you can Google Wim Hof you can Facebook Wim Hof, and there's so many groups that experience cold exposure and encourage each other. There's different meeting places there's different chat rooms, and literally I've met the coolest people through the Wim Hof Method.

VL: Yeah and it sounds like even if you're not local, this would be a great opportunity or a great option for people who want to try it is just finding a little Google search or a little Facebook search about that local community that's really in alignment and that energetic alignment with you that's so amazing. Well, I have one more segment of the show, it's the rapid fire round. But before we get into it, I just want to ask, is there something that hasn't been said is there something that we need to learn?

AO: definitely as cold exposure gets a little more popular, I'm noticing a lot of people, coaching people wanting to get into the cold, and I just want to maybe express the importance of working with a professional. So, just like we would, You know, seek out a personal trainer, someone that we trust with our health, ask for their experience, asked how they worked, how long they've worked with the cold, if somebody isn't asking you for a health declaration having you sign a waiver. That would be a really big red flag for me.

So just do your research. The cold is definitely a medicine, but any medicine can turn to poison so you definitely want to be, you know, taught the proper way, length of China's huge, a big thing in Canada. This year, I saw throughout the cold exposure movement and community was people really bragging about the time that they were going in the ice as Wim Hof instructors, maybe that's how we started out, we were all about our ego all about time and measuring it, but really listening to your body, is the biggest strength and biggest tool. So start off very gentle and work your way up. Don't compare yourself to other people's work, because we all started slow and then gradually worked up so keep that in mind when you enjoy the cold.

VL: That's great advice. Thank you for sharing that.

So we know where we can find you and follow you. How can we support your business?

AO: By coming to one of my workshops. By following me online, engaging in conversation, all those things fulfill me in lightning.

[40:25] RAPID FIRE

1. What are you currently reading? What’s your favourite book?

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera

Radical Awakening (Audio) by Shefali Tsabary

2. What do you love most about being a woman?

My gosh, there's so many things I think we are just full of with stone and strength and grace. And that's what I love about being a woman, you know, and the other woman that I'm connected with, I'm so grateful for, they light me up they spire me they support me. So I think it's a gift to be a woman, I think, you know, we're so special and powerful.

3. What does empowerment mean to you?

Empowerment, strength, strive that we all have within, and sometimes we just need little tools to untap that so having the choice to say our true to speak our truth to move and our truth and to be fully in line. I think that's empowerment.

4. What are you currently working toward?

What am I, actually, I'm taking a course right now is oxygen advantage. So the Wim Hof Method was, you know, I put my toe into the water, but now I'm very interested in breath and what we can do with it and how we can enhance our performance either in sport or in life. So I'm training to be an advanced oxygen advantage coach.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneOctober 20, 2021

E149: Eliminating Overwhelm & Creating Work-Life Balance

Four weeks worth of group coaching wrapped up into a 30 minute episode to support you with understanding the real reasons why you’re feeling overwhelmed with work-life balance.

Continue for helpful solutions, journalling prompts, and action steps moving forward…

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[1:29] Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast. I am your host, Valerie LaVigne. For those of you in our Instagram community, you would have seen that we’ve spent the last four weeks behind the scenes in the Make a Habit Mentorship program - the same one that is sponsoring this episode… well sort of.

The behind the scenes look is really a mock-up of how the program works. I decided to play around with the concept after a friend of mine suggested I share this on socials as a way to give people an idea of what the Mentorship program is like.

Now, in all honesty, I wasn’t sure how this was going to go, but here are the logistics of how it went:

I offered the idea in Instagram stories and had three different options for habits we could work on together for the month of September. The community voted and the most popular vote was Eliminating Overwhelm and Creating Work-Life Balance. Once we had our set habit, we could start the case study. I tried to keep things as simple as possible, and spent a lot of time learning as I went.

Since I was using a mock-up client, I wanted to engage with the instagram community to really understand the struggles with this particular topic. To do that I used Sunday to poll the community in stories with different questions relating to work-life balance, stress, overwhelm, etc.

The responses from the polls helped me craft the content for a weekly Instagram live turned IGTV. These lives were a look into each of the four calls we have during the Mentorship program. In each call we analyzed the data to “check in” to where we were at and offered some solutions as well as asked more in-depth questions.

Here’s where I personally found this part of the case study the most challenging: in the actual 1:1 there is an intimate dialogue and conversation. With the live, not many people were there to interact with so I offered many examples. It still lacks the connection and customization of the 1:1 program.

However, from a business perspective this makes a great resource for future clients or anyone with questions about the program and how it works. In addition to that, the weekly quizzes and specific theme for the month was also really helpful because the community engaged really well in stories and I had lots of feedback to work with for content creation and further support.

Now, there were a couple other things I created during this case study. The first was a follow up carousel post. The follow up was post-IG live with the key points, takeaways and next steps. This part of the case study is meant to be a mock-up of the follow up email I send to my clients. After our coaching call I send an email with key points, and homework for the week.

Lastly, I created some additional content that was more light and motivating or inspiring. Sometimes this is sharing a relevant post, other times it is a motivational quote or a funny reel. With my Mentorship clients I also develop a close relationship with them and will send and share posts or quotes that are relevant and positive in between our coaching calls.

Overall I think the Case Study went really well and I have lots of ideas of how I want to continue doing it in the future. I’d also like to incorporate this into the content calendar quarterly! More info to come!

Okay let’s break this down into each of the weeks.

[10:01] Week One: Discovery Call. The goal of this week is to better understand our starting point. Where are we struggling with work-life balance specifically? What does balance mean to us? What do we feel are we missing in our lives?

Based on the story polls, our mockup client is lacking balance between work and life. They work for someone else and finish work at about 3:30pm-5:30pm on weekdays. They aren’t really feeling a life of purpose, but it’s more on the purposeful side of the scale vs the neglected or lack of passion side.

To our mockup client, having more work-life balance would make them feel fulfilled, in control, be less stressed, and allow them to do things like focus on personal growth, take more pauses throughout the day, have a flexible work schedule, sleep, and exercise daily.

When asked, “what do you need more of in your life?” the client answers: movement/activities, sleep, and money would be their top 3. Overall, they feel pretty successful in work and in life.

With this information we can use the rest of the discovery call to outline some next steps. We’re breaking things down into teeny-tiny habits this week and here were some of the takeaways…

For people who want more time, our tiny habit is: notice where you have “lost time” or have time leaks in your schedule. Do this by writing out your weekly schedule in detail to see where you can “gain” extra time.

For the people who voted for more movement/activities: get creative with adding new ways to incorporate movement throughout your day. Do 20 squats after sending off emails, add in some jumping jacks while you wait for your coffee to brew, or walk and talk during meetings.

Those who voted for needing more money in life: go through all of your expenses from last month. Where did you spend your money? Break this down into categories relevant to your spending: coffee, clothes, houseplants, eating out, etc. Did anything stand out? Were you shocked at spending a lot of money in a certain area? Can you pare-back anywhere?

The mockup client homework for the week is to focus on one of the tiny habits and bring the data or share how it went the following week. Depending on the conversation with the client, in a 1:1 setting we would also discover how this habit would best be tracked and figure out if other things needed to be done before the habit we created.

Week #1 IGTV

Week #1 “Homework”

[15:44] Week Two: Checking-in and Overcoming Obstacles. The goal for week two is to see what’s working, and what isn’t. Where are you getting stuck when it comes to your new habit and/or your work-life balance? Now that we’re bringing awareness to this new habit or area of life, we will also start to discover old and bad habits, as well as certain factors affecting us that we might not have considered during the discovery call.

Based on the story polls, our new client is not going so well with their habits 52/100 rating and is currently feeling overwhelmed with work. The top three obstacles are: saying yes, when they really mean no; ignoring the body’s needs and signals; and not valuing self-care/personal time. Their biggest struggle with this work-life balance is time. Either not having enough of it, or not checking out on time, or not having a plan for the time allotted for work.

If I could wave my magic wand, our mockup client would need: another Sunday, spa, better sleep, a whole day to themselves, a virtual assistant, motivation, to move on, energy, and to pause the world so they can rest and also not miss out on anything at the same time.

As with any obstacle or struggle, there is always a deeper meaning. This week, instead of offering suggestions, I’m asking deeper questions…

If you’re reading this right now and you resonate with not valuing self-care/personal time, journal on these questions:

What does self-care mean to you?

Where does personal time appear on your priority list? Why do you think that is?

When do you feel like your cup is full?

If your biggest obstacle is poor planning/scheduling, journal on these questions…

What’s the real challenge here for you?

When are you saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no?’

What is the ideal schedule/balance you want to achieve?

Answering these questions helps us really understand the deeper meaning behind our struggles, and how we can overcome them permanently. Week two can be a bit intense in the Make a Habit Mentorship Program as it asks us to dig deeper and be (sometimes brutally) honest. Depending on how the first week went, we’re either continuing with our tiny habit, or building on it a bit more.

Week #2 IGTV

Week #2 “Homework”

[22:22] Week Three: Staying Focused. The goal for week three is to stay focused and keep our eye on the goal, and our heart on the intention. There’s a reason why we started this habit and it’s because we wanted to feel a certain way. The weekly call is a great support in staying accountable to the goal, and honouring the WHY.

Based on the story polls, our mock-up client is overwhelmed AF. They’re feeling slightly more balanced than week one, but still not there. This week they focused on resting, physical activity/movement. And mindfulness/intention setting.

When asked what activities they feel most fulfilled and joy doing, their top answers were: exercise, being outside, and reading. When asked why they think they keep getting stuck with balance, they answered, need to set boundaries, lack of organization, bad at saying no, need more hours, and procrastination/laziness.

By week three if you’re not doing the work, I’m going to tell you straight up that YOU are the one who gets to make the choice. Stay stuck or grow. Because you’re reading the show notes, I’m assuming that you’re choosing growth.

To choose growth, focus on what is working. Sprinkle in little things every day that bring you joy. CHOOSE the healthy habit, even when it’s easier not to. Change comes from the small actions every day.

Week #3 IGTV

Week #3 “Homework”

[26:13] Week Four: Observations and Next Steps. The goal for this week is to reflect on how the last month has changed for us, and create an action plan for the month ahead.

Based on the story polls, the mockup client loved the make a habit mentorship. The observations made about themselves were that they can be too nice at their own expense, they need/like alone time, and that they’re learning to listen to their body.

The observations made about their environment was that it’s a little too chaotic and hectic. Decluttering, reorganizing, and simplifying also needs to take place. And the season is changing where evenings are darker and cooler as we move into autumn.

The one thing the client can commit to in the next 8 weeks is making time for self care such as slow mornings with intentions setting and/or taking breaks indeed of sitting at the desk a;; day and working through the day.

In the 1:1 make a habit mentorship program, this would be the best time to decide if continuing the program for another month would be beneficial to the client. If they’re comfortable on their own, the new habit to focus on for the next 4-8 weeks will be more specific to creating and honouring boundaries when it comes to work-life balance.

Getting more firm with saying “no” when you mean “no.”

Not checking emails or messages or DMs first thing in the morning, and start building out a more consistent wake up and bedtime routine so that you’re getting ample rest to have the energy for busy work days.

In this type of case study, I noticed that the content was either going to be super specific for one person, or too broad for the group, so I gave multiple options on what to focus on. The idea for this fourth week is that we’re building a custom plan that can be achieved and tracked with the client on their own, however sometimes the client needs that accountability and wants to come back in one month, or continue with the program moving forward.

Week #4 Call

Full 28-Day Action Plan for Creating Work-Life Balance

When you’re ready to invest in your healthy habits, visit www.valerielavigneife.com/mentorship to get started. I would be happy to support you with your growth and transformation.

EPISODE BONUSES:

FULL GUIDE: Mock-up Make a Habit Mentorship Case Study

Berry Delicious Smoothie Recipe

Foundational Habits

Work-Life Balance Boundaries

Inspirational Reminder

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & Wellness, EntrepreneurshipVal LaVigneOctober 6, 2021

E147: Life is Messy, and so Are Our Habits

A little episode, with a lot of love, from yours truly. Here’s what I do when life and my habits get hella messy…

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You're listening to the Women's Empowerment Podcast Episode 147 Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I'm saying it's almost episode 150 Episode 147 I feel like I need to give myself a big pat on the back because my friends, we are growing this podcast so incredibly wonderfully organically and just really wholly and authentically and all the leads that I can think of right now.

This week's episode is a little bit different. I am doing this very off the cuff. And I'm going to be straight up honest with you guys that life has been really tough for me in the last little while.

I was emotional this morning so I'm not sure if I'm going to be emotional right now so I apologize if I sound a little nasally or my voice cracks up a bit, but I wasn't sure if I could record this podcast episode today because of how kind of sad, I've been feeling and how I'm just not okay, I've been, if I'm being completely honest, I've been feeling very heavy. My heart feels like it's breaking often.

And I don't want to explain it on the show, I don't want to talk about it here I don't want to get into it here that's not why I'm telling you this, I'm telling you this because I've built this show, and my brand on being authentic and being real and being honest and the whole reason why habits came to be part of our the main part of my coaching and as it is right now is because I have these small seemingly insignificant and I mean, seemingly, but they are incredibly significant small actions that I do daily. And I really feel them now more than ever before, of how important, how significant they really are. When I'm struggling. So, a couple of notes I guess you could say, one, when you are building new habits to be completely compassionate with yourself, and all the things that are happening in your life. it's not meant to be perfect every day it's meant to be a little bit messy and it's going to be. It's meant to be. However, you need it to be. However, it needs to be, but it will help you over time and I think the thing that really breaks my heart the most is when I see people or when I'm coaching with people and they think, you know, they avoid me because they didn't do the work that week or they are embarrassed to tell me that they didn't do whatever the habit every single day, or you know, they'll say something like well I didn't do my workout in this morning so it's a write off for the rest of the day and trust me, my hand is up right now, I have been there I have felt that in fact this morning I pushed my workout off for 90 minutes I kept moving into my calendar or Cal two and 15 minutes, okay 30 more minutes of emails, okay 15 more minutes of this okay 15 more minutes of that 90 minutes later I'm like, oh my god Valerie if you don't do your workout now when is it going to get done just go and do it.

And you know I really thought about doing that with the podcast episode today too and I thought okay well I can record this later. And you know what, my emotions weren't changing later was coming sooner and sooner so I just decided you know what, let's get on this now, let's do this right here, right now it's a little different, but that's okay because life is messy. Habits are messy.

And as much as I love to talk about so many positive things and I really like to flip the switch and really show you that there is a positive perspective there is a silver lining in literally everything.

And as much as I wholeheartedly and truly believe that. I have to have very tough goals and tough times and I feel like this one's a little bit tricky for me to get out of that being said I have definitely created a lot more boundaries and, and I've really stuck to myself care so that's another little tip or a little note that I want to talk about today is that, you know when the going gets tough. There's that saying when the going gets tough, the tough gets going and I used to really believe that, and really work at that I would say okay well this is tough but I'm tougher, this is hard but I'm harder I'm stronger I'm faster I'm whatever it needs to be to get through this and I wasn't really allowing myself to feel because feelings are meant to be felt emotions are meant to be felt. And what I started doing instead was I flipped the switch in a different way. And when I saw that things were going to be really busy in my schedule when I know that, you know times are tough right now and I really need that extra self care. That's what I'm doing I'm plugging in way more meantime I'm making sure that I am more strict with my boundaries around work and emails, and what I'm saying yes to. I am saying no before I even say yes or I'm saying, I will get back to you at the time that's convenient for me and if that time doesn't work for you then. I'm sorry but this is that it's a no. Right, so.

So because I know that this is a little bit of a tougher time I've actually scheduled some time away so yesterday I came back from a weekend trip with my boyfriend Craig, some of you will have met him through the podcast, not too, not too far back, but Craig and I went away for for the weekend we did a little road trip we've been doing one every year, and it kind of celebrates our, our relationship together it's our second year anniversary very exciting.

So we were able to unplug and be in nature and enjoy, and honestly, I felt so amazing to be away and to just unplug for that time. I'm also going to be doing something similar. This weekend coming up, I'm going to be spending time on a women's wellness retreat where I will also be unplugging or I will also be kind of relaxing and tuning in was with some like minded people and just kind of doing different things than what I would normally do. So, why am I telling you all this because it's part of building, and being adaptable and also connecting with ourselves because, why am I so keen on helping people build healthy habits, it's because I want to help you create the best version of you I want to help you create a life that you love, even on the days that it's really hard, and instead of me saying, I have to work out today I have to do a podcast today have to go teach today. I am saying, I get to do a podcast today I get to teach today I get to work out today. I think of all the things that I'm grateful for. I'm so grateful for my health, that I'm able to sweat it out in those workouts this morning, like I did today I'm so grateful that I get to share my voice, I get to feel heard and seen through this podcast I mean we have over 44,000 downloads. I can't like can you just believe that I mean I'm like trying to wrap my head around it and I just feel so grateful for this, and I remember that, you know, setting a little intention every single day, and showing up for my community. Every day, or at least every week, multiple times a week, I should say, and being able to, to say that over the last eight years I have had healthy habits that have helped me create the Pilates studio that I've always wanted the brick and mortar studio that I've been able to create any Yes. It's hard, and you see the highlights on Instagram and on social media, and yes I strive to make this podcast as positive as possible but Frank, it is frickin hard sometimes. And I think I shared this not last week but the week before how it's been tough. It's been really tough, and without these health healthy habits without these daily actions. I don't know where I would be, and I feel like. It breaks my heart to even think about where it would be without them, where I would be without this show without all of all of the things that I do every day, all the people that I get to be around every single day. So I hope this episode is more of a little quickie inspirational reminder to let you know that if you are feeling down or sad, or burdened or heartbroken that this too shall pass. I know we could roll her eyes how many times we heard that, but even those good times pass too. So, really, whether you are elated and overjoyed and extremely happy I want you to sit with that and just know that this too shall pass so drink in every second of this, and if you're feeling quite the opposite, as I was this morning I also want you to remember that this too shall pass and it's not going to be like this forever.

It's not, it's not going to be like this forever.

We're gonna do something with me right now I want you to place your hand on your heart and take a deep breath and feel that heartbeat is my friend, is your purpose, your heart is a muscle, within your body and its habit is to beat every single day, every second of the day it is to beat, beat that tiny little heartbeat is what is keeping you here and now and alive in this life.

In this moment, is what has connected you and I together your heart, your soul, you're listening to this podcast episode today for a reason, not just to hear me ramble on.

But to be reminded of your power, your purpose, your strength, your grace.

Breathe into your heart space and know that you are not alone.

Know that you are okay.

know that you have a purpose.

And even though, life gets hard, like, really hard sometimes.

You were meant to be here.

You are loved, and you are heard.

You are wanted.

Breathe into that space for as long as you possibly need.

And whatever little tiny habit, you can do today and every day, or most days. I want you to know that that little habit is not for nothing. It is not insignificant to wake up and just think how do I want to feel today.

It is not insignificant for you to place your hand on your heart, and breathe into that space every day.

It is not insignificant for you to drink water, or to go for a walk, or to say no, or to take time for yourself.

I want you to do all of those things as often as you need to.

I think in the next upcoming weeks we're going to talk more about some more tangible things kind of like what we're usually talking about.

Perhaps we'll talk about how our habits, and flow and grow and change just like we do.

My friends, if you're not already following me on social media, please find me at Val Levine life on Instagram, I would be so happy to connect with you on a more personal level over there.

I also want to let you know that I'm doing something called mock up, make a habit mentorship and it's a case study this month that takes you behind the scenes into the Make a habit mentorship program. If you listen to the show, you might have already heard of this program before.

For those of you who don't know the maker habit mentorship program is my one on one customized coaching program that I do. The information is at Valerie living life.com forward slash mentorship. However, if you just want a sneak peek at what it's all about. Definitely follow along on Instagram with us we're into Week Three now out of four. So even though we're wrapping up in the next couple of weeks. What I would like to invite you to do is check out the igtv videos, the posts surrounding that make a habit mentorship mock up program I'm also going to make a guide for it to be easier, accessible, or more accessible on Instagram for you but whether you are ready to take the leap and invest in your own self, in your own one on one coaching with me or whether you just need a little bit more softness and some reminders and gentle reminders.

Please visit my Instagram page, and feel free to reach out to me at any time.

I will be more than happy to, to chat with you. If you are new to the show, please know that the episodes are very different from today, however I'm sure I'm going to be popping in here. Once in a blue moon. Actually, today's a full moon now that I think about it of this recording I'm doing this on a, on a full moon, no wonder the emotions are high. That being said, take a look at some of the other episodes or have a listen to some of the other episodes.

I'm sending you so much love, and thank you for holding space for me today to speak. My heart and my truth.

Maybe some waterworks and other times, I am so grateful for each and every one of you listening, And I just have to say that this show really got me out of bed tomorrow, this morning. Oh, here, here we go, here come the crackles this show really was a huge part of getting me out of bed this morning so I appreciate each and every one of you who has downloaded the show, and has reached out to me whether that's on Instagram or via email to tell me how much this has affected your life and your well being.

It means so much to me

more than I could even express in words.

So… from my whole beating heart thank you so much. Thank you.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Entrepreneurship, Health & Wellness, Mindset MasteryVal LaVigneSeptember 22, 2021

E145: Reset Your Healthy Habits

When life comes at you like a ton of bricks to the chest, reset your Healthy Habits. Here’s how to do it with compassion…

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[1:32] Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I’m your host Valerie LaVigne. I have to be honest and share that my energy isn’t as excitable and upbeat as it usually is while recording my podcast episodes. So if this is your first time listening to the show, please know that the tone is generally more positive and a little livelier.

As always, I do my best, and some days that means showing up even if it’s not glitter and gold, it’s me and it’s authentic.

If you never miss an episode you might notice that this particular episode is coming out one week late. Yep. Last week was the first week I hadn’t published an episode since starting this podcast a few years ago.

I had a lot of guilt, shame, worry, frustration around this and eventually I let it go. I was able to surrender to the fact that an episode wasn’t coming out because my mental and emotional health needed my attention more than my weekly podcast did.

Yes my friends, your Healthy Habit coach has been having a really hard time coping with life lately and even though I practice daily intention setting, gratitude, mindfulness, and physical wellness - the weight I am carrying on my shoulders feels a lot heavier than what I can currently handle.

Why am I telling you this?

A few reasons actually. Firstly, life is fucking hard. Owning a business is also really fucking hard. And right now both of those things are weighing very heavy on me. So heavy that I’ve come to the realization that I need a reset.

In the past several weeks I have hit tipping point, after breaking point, after burnout, and so on. And last week I finally said, “I’m done.” My body is done. My mind is done. My heart is breaking and I need to stop before it’s too late. And it already feels a little too late.

So that’s the bad news. BUT as always, I do find the positive in everything so here’s the good news:

I’m not alone in the way that I’ve been feeling. I’ve had quite a few conversations within my instagram community over @vallavignelife and we’ve been chatting about a collective low energetic vibration as well as how not a lot of people are sharing the hard part of running businesses. Which is also why I am sharing this with you.

They told us not to judge books by their covers, well don’t judge businesses by their social media accounts either!

Not only am I not alone in this, but I also have an extended toolkit with the power to help myself and others elevate their vibration and their habits.

Which is why today, I’m teaching you how to build a strategy and take ACTION to reset your habits and get back on track and feel better in your body.

If you’re feeling anything like I am, this episode is for you dear one.

[6:33] Before we begin, I encourage you to take an entire day off in your calendar to really hit reset. If you can take multiple days off in a row, do that. It doesn’t mean you have to go away for those days, but actually take a proper day off work/life.

I’ll use myself as an example as I blocked off Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday off in my calendar. Here’s how it looked:

Friday I worked from 9:30am - 12:30pm with a 60 minute break for exercise in between that 3 hour work sprint. I spent the better part of the day cooking new food which I love, and eating with my family and catching up with each other.

Saturday, my partner Craig and I often sleep in (relative for us) and head to the farmer’s market. This time we bought so much fresh produce and flowers. Supporting local businesses and farms, spending time outside, and fresh cut flowers make me very happy and fill my cup. After breakfast we explored a new hiking path together and ended up at this beautiful river and spent time enjoying the sun and the peaceful sounds of the forest. Later we played board games and swam, and relaxed again at home.

On Sunday I went grocery shopping for any other food we need (that we didn’t already get from the market) for the week - this is something I do every week and technically it’s a chore), but it didn’t feel like one because it’s more of a ritual for me as I enjoy this alone time and choosing healthy foods to incorporate into our meals for the week ahead.

I also did 30 minutes of emails and some podcast work Sunday.

Self care elevates our mood, increases energy, boosts immunity and makes life a lot easier to handle. So does balance and rest.

I’m going into detail with this because I want you to see how taking time off can be making time to do something different, or it can be making time to do NOTHING. We didn’t schedule anything in. If you know that specific tasks NEED your attention and NEED to get done, then allow 30-120 minutes per day to get those tasks done. Delegate the rest.

[10:17] Speaking of “rest,” take some. The weekend I took off I went to bed relatively early and I didn’t set any alarms to wake up. Believe it or not I woke up a bit early but I felt SO rested when I woke up because I wasn’t waking up with an alarm. I really prioritized rest, and the only goals I set for myself were to stick to work boundaries and to sleep as much as my body needed to.

Your body heals when you are sleeping. Take time to rest, recharge… and now… we can RESET!

I always aim to make the content on the podcast as tangible as possible, so here is how we reset our habits when we break it down into steps.

[11:25] Step One: Rest & Recharge with Compassion

We’re all doing our best, so take a moment to breathe and give yourself some grace. It’s okay, we’re going to be okay.

If you can’t take a full day off, make a point of scheduling in some downtime into your calendar. Time-block your self-care, even if you can manage 1 hour a day. (P.s. 1 hour is 4% of your day, you can definitely manage that). Once you’ve put it in your calendar DO NOT MOVE IT. You have to take time to rest. No excuses.

[12:10] Step Two: Come back to Your Core Values

In episode 111 of the podcast we talked about creating habits based on core values. What were the core values you outlined in this episode? There are countless resources for understanding your core values, but they really come into play with a lot of the components of my Coaching practice as well as in many episodes of this show.

Core Values are our fundamental beliefs and guiding principles. Everyone will have a different list of core values, and everyone’s core values will mean something different to them.

One of my core values is ADVENTURE. To me this means worldly travel, but it also means trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone, meeting new people, experiencing different cultures and traditions, exploring nature, and more!

CREATIVITY is another core value of mine. To me this means doing things differently. It also represents innovation and expansion; turning something old into something new; seeing different viewpoints; experimenting.

Write out each of your core values, and include a definition or personal meaning for each of them. Once you have your list, you’ll be able to move to the next step.

[13:36] Step Three: Start Where You Are

Take stock of your current habits (both good and bad habits), and make note of the ones you want to change (eliminating bad habits), and/or perhaps you want to improve (make good habits better).

[13:57] Step Four: Reset by Replacing Old Habits with New Habits

If you’re not already writing out your Core Values in a notebook or on a piece of paper, then get it out now. I’d like you to make a three column chart.

Column One: write “Old Habit”, in Column Two: write “Core Values”, and in the Third Column: write “New Habit”

Here are my examples:

#1 My current bad habit is that I’ve been procrastinating on my daily walks because they’re a bit boring and I’m so exhausted that I’d rather lay on the couch with my legs up the wall.

Core Value: Adventure

New Habit: instead of a daily walk, I schedule a weekly hike. As we head into the autumn season it will be so beautiful to watch how the leaves change colours and explore some new trails.

#2 Another bad habit I have is eating chocolate late in the evening/snacking before bed.

Core Value: Creativity

New Habit: replace late night snacking with a different indulgence like a warm cup of tea, or a relaxing bubble bath and a good book. Opt for self-care like a gua sha face massage or a cooling sheet mask.

[15:14] Here are some extra tips I wanted to share with you when it comes to resetting your habits.

TIP #1: If you aren’t sure where to start, focus on foundational habits like food/nutrition, rest/sleep, and mindset. Sometimes the best resets come from when we reboot our foundational habits, TRUST ME: a good sleep goes a long way!

TIP #2: Make the new habits teeny-tiny! This will make them easier to achieve and will help rebuild your motivation and confidence. You can scale your habits little by little and watch the exponential progress toward your goal. Remember that a tiny step forward is still a step forward.

TIP #3: If you’re really stuck on eliminating bad habits, relisten to episode 138: Eliminating Bad Habits

TIP #4: Always begin with compassion. Step one of the reset doesn’t just apply here, it applies along the way. We all know that it takes time to build, and rebuild our habits - especially if your bad habits have become very automated since it’s easier for us to lose sight of our healthier habits. Do your best, and if you miss a day, reset the next day.

TIP #5: Remember the Core Value behind your healthy habit. This is your “why power” for doing what you do. When your habit is value-driven, it’s more satisfying and you are more likely to do it.

TIP #6: Plan for challenging situations and obstacles. Don’t play like you aren’t going to come up against some sort of pushback. We are our own worst enemies. What could go wrong? No really… ask yourself, what could go wrong AND how will I avoid or overcome this?

TIP #7: Stack habits. This means adding a small habit to something you’re already doing each day. For example, take your vitamins when you eat breakfast. Drink 500ml of water before you have a cup of coffee.

TIP #8: Track habits. Whether it’s your bullet journal, an app on your phone, a sticker in your notebook, or checking off a date in your calendar, figure out a way to keep track of your success with your habit.

Hold me accountable for my new healthy habits, and I’ll hold you accountable for yours over on instagram, find me @vallavignelife !

If you are having a hard time coping right now, please reach out to me. I would love to connect with you more and hold space for what you are going through. I know the pain and the pressure and I know how hard times can be.

You are loved, you are here for a reason, you have a purpose on this planet. Focus on the small, seemingly insignificant habits that you do daily, and I guarantee your life will change. There is power in baby steps and tiny actions. Start today!

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneSeptember 1, 2021

E140: 10 Ways to Show Up for Yourself

Today I’m sharing 10 ways to show up for yourself. Before we dive into the main points, I wanted to share why I felt this was so important…

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For those of you who may not already know this, I am a Healthy Habit Mentor. I completed my Health Coaching certification I think four years ago now and while discovering my own strengths, passions, and purpose I uncovered my gifts in helping others develop impactful habits, routines, and rituals. The little actions that seem insignificant, but lead to MASSIVE growth and transformation are what I’m all about.

And as much as I support my one-on-one mentorship clients with their day to day habits, the real growth and change need to come from you. I can definitely help you create, start, and focus on the right action steps. I can absolutely hold you accountable for the work, and I will show up for you and your goals.

But I can not do the daily habit for you. I can not take action for you. YOU my darling, need to show up for yourself too.

Now I’m thrilled to tell you that just by reading the show notes to this episode you’ve made the first move and completed an action that supports positive change for your life. If you’re ready to learn AND take action on the deeper work, then please, continue reading.

Let’s begin…

[3:34] Number One: Commit to Habits, Practices, Routines, and Rituals that support your health and well-being, even when you don’t feel like it.

Our daily habits and practices are either helping us or hurting us but they are always working. Meaning we have good and bad habits and depending on which ones we are doing and nurturing, well the outcome will correlate to the type of habit.

Showing up for ourselves means committing to the supportive habits, even when we’re not feeling like it. I can’t tell you how many times I thought “but I don’t want to floss tonight” and then I flossed anyway. Or “I don’t feel like working out” and then I did it anyway. Each time feeling SO MUCH BETTER for sticking to the healthy habit.

It’s true, we’re not always going to want to do the uncomfortable, healthy thing every time. But that’s what honouring yourself is. It’s doing the tough work, it’s staying consistent with the healthy habit, it’s understanding that lasting change takes time and not everyone succeeds, because not everyone is willing to do the work.

[4:51] Number Two: Learn to Forgive Yourself. Each and every one of us has made mistakes, we all have a past, we aren’t perfect.

We know that showing up means doing the work, and we also know that missing a day doesn’t mean we fail. Consistency doesn’t mean every day, it means never giving up.

Which is why learning to forgive ourselves is so crucial. The next time we forget something, or we don’t know the answer, or we get “off track,” take a moment to pause, breathe, and redirect the energy to a more supportive action. Like letting go, self-compassionate thoughts, or getting back on track again.

I have a previous podcast episode on forgiveness rituals if you would like to go deeper into this work for yourself.

E119: Forgiveness Rituals

[5:58] Number Three: Allow Yourself to Feel ALL the Feels, Judgement-Free!. We are human beings, and along with our strengths, passions, mistakes, and shortcomings we also experience emotions.

Honour those feelings. Lean into them so that you can truly feel them and then allow them to pass. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, sad, happy, proud, excited, etc.

What isn’t okay is to let ourselves get caught up in the feelings and wallow or languish. There is and will always be another side to the feelings we have, including the good ones.

Release the need to judge ourselves for feeling upset. It’s better to feel it and then release it, so we can move forward.

[6:55] Number Four: Another way we can show up for ourselves is by Listening to What We Need. Part of connecting to our emotions and feelings is also learning to understand them, and learning to understand ourselves.

Each of us has different needs, and there will be different ways to meet our different needs. Enjoy the process of getting to know yourself more.

How are you feeling right now?

What do you want to be doing/pursuing/thinking/speaking?

Not asking, what would the other person in my space want to eat or watch or visit, what do I want to eat/watch/go?

What does self care mean to you?

How do you define boundaries?

Where/when do you experience pleasure?

Keep the questions going, journal them if you feel called to. I sometimes call this dating yourself, because really you’re discovering who you are, and all the things that make you special, and beginning to fall in love with yourself.

[8:06] Number Five: Allow Yourself to Start Over. It doesn’t matter where in life, your career, your projects, your relationships, or wherever else you are, you CAN start again. This is part of making mistakes, learning curves, learning about yourself, and growing.

Start over if you need to. Start over again. As many times as you need.

This is your journey and not anyone else's. You do you boo.

[8:40] Number Six: Remind Yourself that You Are Worthy. I saw this video on Instagram of a little girl who hurts herself and her mom says, “Repeat after me: I am strong, I am brave, I am worthy.” And you know what… When I’m feeling down, I take a deep breath and say the same things to myself.

When you start believing and reminding yourself that you are worthy you are not only showing up for yourself, but you are showing up for the other women and people around you.

Standing in your light and power gives others to do the same, AND it also teaches others how to treat you. This is huge. Also listen up, especially my wooey peeps… knowing your worth attracts abundance and all the things you are manifesting, because just like how it teaches others how to treat you, it tells the Universe how you are worthy of your desires and dreams.

Let that sink in for a moment.

[9:50] Number Seven: Prioritize Your Health. This is part of knowing your worth. Taking care of yourself and prioritizing your health screams I AM WORTHY!

Stay hydrated, nourish your body with whole foods, get enough sleep, and move your body daily. Do the things that help you glow from the inside out.

One of my favourite sayings is: A healthy woman has a thousand wishes, a sick woman has one.”

We’ve all felt ill at one point in time and I know that when I’m sick, the ONLY THING I want is to feel better. Preventative health, our supportive habits, and taking care of ourselves is the foundation to living a fuller life; to showing up for ourselves and our goals.

I am often reminding my clients that healthy can be simple, and fitness can be fun. Let this become part of your lifestyle.

Since I started prioritizing my daily hydration I have noticed a huge change in my overall energy, mood, cravings, sleep, digestion, and skin! I drink at least half my body weight in ounces of water every day and I am very consistent with it. I also use tools and tracking apps to help me with these types of habits and they’ve kept me on track for over 60 consecutive days.

I use a bluetooth water bottle that tracks your water and connects to an app on your phone to measure your progress. It also has a glow light at the bottom that lights up to remind you to drink. You can also turn on notifications on your phone to remind you when to drink.

[11:51] Number Eight: Give Yourself Permission to Rest. Oh boy, here’s one I am constantly reminding myself of. Rest is NOT a reward. Rest is part of life, part of taking action, part of growth and development.

Resting allows us to recharge and re-energize for the work to come. We NEED rest. Our bodies and our minds need rest. Just like how meeting our needs will look different, so will how we take our rest and what that looks like.

Sometimes rest for me is 20 minutes of uninterrupted “me time.” It also looks like getting 8 hours of sleep every night. Often it means scheduling rest into my calendar, especially during the busy weeks.

For others it might mean a midday nap, or only putting 3-5 things on the to-do list every day. It might mean asking for help, or starting the day with a self-care routine.

Rest is crucial and part of prioritizing our health.

[13:13] Number Nine: Another way to show up for yourself is to Spend Quality Time with You! This is a great way to get to know who you are, and what you love. Reading, writing, crafting and creating. Maybe it’s spending time in nature or stretching on your yoga mat.

Are you a knitter? Painter? Do you enjoy cooking new meals? Reading in coffee shops? Taking long luxurious bubble baths?

Quality time with yourself is time well spent! Schedule this into your calendar if you need to.

[13:45] Number Ten: Invite Curiosity and Compassion into Everything You Do. Personal development can be really fun and exciting and it can also get a little awkward or uncomfortable at times. That’s because the magic happens outside of our comfort zones and that means taking uncomfortable action, trying new things, meeting new people, discovering ALL the parts of ourselves.

I sometimes think of personal development like a really wild thunderstorm. It can be loud, and startling. We’re thinking, “when is the downpour going to end!?” and eventually the clouds part and a rainbow appears. It’s beautiful and mesmerizing and suddenly the rainstorm didn’t seem so bad.

Ask yourself tough questions, take leaps and be compassionate in all the things you're trying and doing. If you’re showing up for yourself every day, you’re doing a great job. Like I said, you’re already on the right track by reading this episode and podcast.

Join me on Instagram this week @vallavignelife to continue the conversation about how we show up for ourselves. Tag me in your stories or posts about personal development and all the things - I absolutely love connecting with you there.

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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Mindset Mastery, Health & WellnessVal LaVigneJuly 28, 2021