Posts in Mindset Mastery
E101: Modern Magic: Spell Casting
 
 

E101: Modern Magic: Spell Casting

Today’s show isn’t about witches or wizards or magic potions, but rather the power of our own mortal words and even our own thoughts...


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[00:58] You see, whether we realize it or not, we are all under different spells. Yes, we are! Did you know that? 

The spells I might be under will be different from yours, because you and I give different meanings to words. For example I might say “snake” and you might shutter, or wince, or perhaps squirm a little. Whereas I become more curious, more alert, and a bit excited by the word snake. This is because we live in our own realities. We have different experiences, stories, perceptions, and legends. 

And now, more than ever, we live in a world where we are all under the spell that we, as individuals, are the most important beings on the planet. We believe that we are what matters. We are redefining POWER in this new world we live in and saying things like, “I am taking back my power.” Or “their words were powerful.”

It is in today’s day and age where our words have more “power” than ever before. SO MUCH so that we are “cancelling” people whenever they say something we disagree with. Not allowing them the chance to share their side, to explain their reasoning, or even giving them the opportunity to learn our perspective, our meanings, our perception. We hear their words, they’ve casted their spell, and if we don’t like it we block them completely.

That’s pretty powerful, wouldn’t you say?

Knowing that someone’s words, including our own words, have the power to send someone into shock or bring up a trauma is a very heavy knowing and responsibility. But that doesn’t mean we should be tip-toeing around with our words; mindful of them for sure, however not silenced. 

[3:00] Instead of silencing ourselves, or cancelling another, we can take our journey inwards to our own personal power and deepen our emotional intelligence. Recognizing how words, languaging and spells – as I am calling them – affect us. 

For example, I may not be negatively triggered by the word “snake” but believe you me, if we’re talking about any rodent on the planet I am not interested. Instead of reacting emotionally to this languaging, I can choose to respond instead. 

A reaction might look like me quickly getting upset, projecting my fears and insecurities and shock onto the other person.

Where as a response could be a calm comment to say something along the lines of: I appreciate your enthusiasm in this conversation, however I really do not enjoy rodents and would very much prefer to change the conversation topic. 

Now you might be laughing or rolling your eyes right now and that’s okay. This is information about how my words are affecting you right now. Maybe you’re nodding along – remember we have different realities, and not everyone will agree with us. 

[4:25] Not everyone will share the same level of emotional intelligence, which means we have to be willing to be disliked. It’s true! Did that trigger you? Are you under the spell that you have to be liked by everyone?

Something to think about… the different kinds of spells we are under. The “not enough spell,” the blaming others spell, there are many spells out there!

When we are emotionally intelligent, we are able to manage our energy. We’re able to catch our reaction and transform it into a response. 

And as a side note, if I’m talking about Emotional Intelligence and you’ve never heard this term before, read this BOOK: Emotional Intelligence. It is a MUST-READ for every human being on the planet. I highly recommend this book, I have read it and listened to it, and I’m sure I will re-read it again. 

[5:30] Okay, coming back to managing energy. Every single thing we do is a negotiation of our power. Every thought, word spoken, every action taken. We give and take power each and every day. We give our power away when we yell at the person who cut us off in traffic. We take our power back when we honour our boundaries and stick to our core values.

Do you want to know the secret to being okay with being disliked? It’s having a set of values that we DO NOT COMPROMISE. 

Core values. Our core values are our fundamental beliefs. When we are clear of these values, when we think, speak and act from these values we are honouring them. We are honouring ourselves. Be so clear on what those values are, so unshakable in them that no matter who or what comes at you, you have this strong foundation. 

There is a great bonus episode with Sonia Grossi about core values and leadership.

[7:04] So far we have learned about spells, we have learned that we are Spell-Casters, and we are ALSO Shapeshifters.

We control our realities, we shape our own realities. And when we learn to manage our energies, we are also shape shifting. Pretty cool right! This information is all very cool, and all very important, and here’s what else we need to know: How to break spells.

You might think that the way to break a spell is to change your mindset, but this will only help you visualize it. The mindset is important, but it’s not as powerful as CHOOSING a different behaviour. You have to DO. We have to TAKE ACTION to break the spell.

[8:11] It’s so similar to The Law of Attraction and the Manifestation Formula. We talk a lot about manifesting on this podcast, so I will link to a few Manifestation episodes:

Bonus Episode: Tapping into the Unconscious Mind to Manifest Dreams and Avoid Burnout 

Episode #83: 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers

Episode #56: The Beginner’s Guide to Manifesting

The Law of Attraction tells us that what we think in our minds, we can manifest into our realities. This is why our mindset is so important, are thoughts are indeed very powerful, however they alone cannot break spells

The Manifestation Formula is:

Thoughts = Feelings = Actions = Results

Many of us get stuck in the cycle of: thoughts feelings, thoughts feelings, thoughts feelings. Because we are so caught in our spell that our thoughts and feelings cannot beak us out of the spells we are under. Taking action however, choosing a different behaviour CAN. 

It sounds quite simple, but the work itself is often more difficult. How do we change our behaviour?

[9:32] Here are three key tips:

  1. Start small. I used to drive to work the same way every single day. There are many ways that I can drive to work, but for some reason I always went the same way. I did this so frequently that I actually would catch myself at work and not even remembering how I got here. Talk about not being present. It was one day where I found myself on autopilot that I decided I needed to change something very small in my routine. I decided to turn left at the stop sign instead of going straight. Crazily enough this was a lot more difficult than I imagined! I would catch myself driving through the stop sign and slapping my steering wheel with how annoyed I was that I couldn’t easily make this ONE simple behaviour change. Eventually I was able to make the change even to the point where now I sometimes go straight, and other times I DECIDE to turn left. It’s the power of my choosing my behaviour instead of being held under a spell. Simple example I know, but it’s important to start small.

    1. Write down your plan. Put a physical pen to a physical piece of paper. There is power in writing things down, especially goals and dreams. Thinking of your goal is great, but when we write it down we are taking action in a physical way. Even if it has nothing to do with your goal. For example: I was under the spell that I couldn’t workout at home. Home workouts sucked and I really didn’t want to lift weights in the garage. FOR MONTHS this spell was casted on me. Over time my body and mind suffered from the lack of physical exercise. I was tired, slow, unmotivated, and I knew I need to change my behaviour and really break the spell. So I started by writing down my to-do list for the day and I added “home workout” onto the list. I wrote it down, I saw it there and then I started taking action on my to-do list. I even tried to trick myself to skip the workout but I didn’t. I made the choice to DO the workout and I did! Since then I’ve scheduled the workouts into my calendar twice a week. This week I couldn’t workout on Monday because of a sudden schedule change, so I moved it to Friday!

    2. This is a big one: Identify triggers + replacement habits. Sometimes the spell we’re under is something we are doing but we want to stop doing. For example, I want to stop scrolling or checking my phone in bed. A trigger is when I forget to do my French lesson on my app and I bring my phone into the bedroom so I can do it there. A replacement is charging my phone in the bathroom, doing my French lesson before going to bed when I’m brushing my teeth instead. Another replacement could be putting a book beside my bed instead of my phone so that I read instead of scroll. 

[14:17] The change of behaviour itself is very fast. The decision to change the behaviour takes a little longer. Why is this? Well it’s because we believe this in our reality. We believe the spell is true, we let the spell trick us into believing the limiting beliefs, the obstacles that keep us stuck under the spells. It’s up to us to channel our powers into breaking the spell by using the power to take-action.

It’s about using our power to make changes and using it to manage our energy so that we can develop our emotional intelligence, break out spells, and be mindful how we are also spell-casters. 

Not all spells are bad though. Sometimes we can trick ourselves out of one belief so that we can bring ourselves to belief something else. Something more empowering. 

As your take-away for this week’s episode I want to encourage you to bring more awareness into your thoughts, words, actions. And also pay attention to the words and actions of others. Save the judgement and rather use this all as information about how we are going around casting or breaking spells. Question the spells you are under. Question the spells other’s cast. 

Happy spell casting and breaking! 

If you’re interested in learning more about today’s topic, check out Caroline Myss

Power of Modern Day Spell Casters VIDEO

BOOK: Anatomy of the Spirit 

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E100: Ten Things I've Learned in 100 Episodes!
 
 

E100: Ten Things I've Learned in 100 Episodes!

So… I just re-listened to episode “0” of the show. It’s the short and sweet intro of how the podcast started. To be honest, I thought I would be cringing the whole time but I actually didn’t wince AT ALL!...


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[00:41] I listened and my heart felt so full. I was remembering the version of me who was so terrified and excited to start the podcast. My goal was to bring inspiration and excitement to women everywhere and I had no clue what I was doing – but I did it anyway!

In this trailer episode I tell a story about a young woman who was seeking a change. A woman who broke free from the expectations of others and went to live her dream! That woman was me.

During this time in my life I was discovering myself, and along the journey I met many mirrors. Some very strong, wise, beautiful, and empowering humans who completely lit up my life and inspired me to keep stepping into my true self. 

It also inspired me to create what is now the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. And today the 100th episode of the show! I can’t even believe it!! It’s so incredible and I am so proud and so full of love for what this has become!

Typically, every 10 episodes I do a Q&A show where I answer questions around specific topics, but today is a little different. Today I’m going to share some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in the last 100 shows I’ve produced. Plus I'll be sharing more about how the show will evolve moving forward.

 

[2:15] LESSON ONE: JUST START!

I listened to podcasts for a few years before starting this one. I dreamed about how cool it would be to have my own podcast and it stayed a dream for a really long time. 

When I first decided that I wanted to have a show of my own, my mind immediately went to all of the reasons why I shouldn’t or couldn’t have my own show, and then I sat down and mapped out a plan. I thought, “if they could do it, so could I!” [they being everyone else I was listening to and following at the time.]

As a coach, I understand the importance of taking action, and there really is no time like the present… so my plan was to start with a live show on instagram and facebook that I would host each week and I would save the video/recording and use it for the podcast. 

I had NO CLUE what I was doing. I had only tired IG Live maybe once before? It was pretty intimidating at the time because most people weren’t really using it then. So anyway I gave myself five episodes, which was over five weeks to figure out how to turn those recordings into podcast content, and somehow it all worked out and I did it! I launched the podcast version of the show within five weeks. 

It was WAY more time than anyone needs to start a podcast, you could do it today! However, because I was also overcoming these limiting beliefs and fears, I was taking that little bit of time. Over that time I was also growing my confidence and developing my skills. 

As I think back to that time I am very proud of myself for actually doing the work. It’s not easy to grow and leap out of the comfort zone and to do something you’ve never done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

My only regret with the show is that I didn’t start sooner. Just start!!

 

[5:10] LESSON TWO: UPGRADE YOU HABITS

If you’ve been listening to the show for a while now, you may have already figured out that healthy habits are kind of my thing. Habits have changed my life, and whether you’ve noticed it or not, they’ve changed yours too.

I first understood the power of habits after reading Darren Hardy’s book: The Compound Effect.

I highly recommend reading this no fluff, amazing book to everyone I meet! It clearly explains how habits truly impact our lives: the good habits AND the bad habits!!

To know what kind of habits you have, start by tracking your days and weeks. Write out a list of everything you do each day, from when you wake up, to when you go to bed. If it applies, also record the quantity with the habit. For example: time on social media scrolling 30 minutes. Or drinking water, 2 litres. It might change each day, that’s okay, keep recording.

After about a week or so, notice where you’re spending your time. What are some of the things you are doing each day? If you kept doing these things every day, where do you think you’d be in three years?

As another example, let’s say you grab an afternoon latte every weekday. The medium size is $3.65, plus tax. That’s 18.25 a week, plus tax. Now fast forward to three years and countless coffees later… That’s $1,847 … plus tax. Maybe your afternoon latte is a very important ritual for you and you want to keep that going, but what about your other rituals, habits, and routines?

Where can you “upgrade” your habits? Here are some examples:

Start your morning with meditation or a brain game instead of checking emails and scrolling on social media.

Incorporate a daily movement practice into your routine and get some fresh air, or stretch your legs at lunch instead of staying in and working through your break.

Swap the daily news for an empowering podcast while you commute to work. 

There are a million and one ways to upgrade your habits. Start with one of them and stack your habits from there.

When I started my podcast I had a really strong morning routine. And before lockdown it stayed very strong and consistent. Now, my day-to-day has changed yet again and I’m working out how I can upgrade my morning in a new way as my life and habits are evolving.

 

[10:06] LESSON THREE: The Deep Work Can Be Scary

On the show we talk a lot about mindset and positivity. This is a huge part of our mental, emotional, as well as spiritual health. This type of health and wellness is slowly starting to become more mainstream, and even though it is more talked about, it doesn’t really make the work that much easier.

Facing fears, removing mindset blocks, and meeting the shadow parts of ourselves can be really scary. We’ve been suppressing all of this for so long and it keeps building up, so the longer we wait to confront it and heal it, the tougher it gets. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, or I’ve thought about giving up, or how many times I’ve asked myself, “what is the point!?” This shit is tough. Like REALLY tough. And if you’re going through this deep, dark inner work, I FEEL YOU! I want to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t. It’s probably going to get harder. But you are also going to be stronger, and braver, and more empowered than ever before.

And when we start to slip into bad habits or old ways of thinking again, we can catch ourselves quicker and undo or reset a lot faster. Lately I’ve been noticing imposter syndrome creeping up on me and I, quicker than ever, shut that ish down!

I recognize that this is not serving me, and what I see in this other human being who is making big waves, is what I also see in myself. A thought-leader, a change-maker, a human of light who is raising people up by stepping into my own truth and light.

Your light can never be too bright, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. 

And we have to use our light to work through the dark parts of ourselves because at the end of the day we’re all human, and we’re all going through a lot of stuff. We’re in this together.

 

[12:19] LESSON FOUR: QUALITY OVER QUANTITY

A few months before… hmm maybe it was a year before starting the podcast I partnered with dōTERRA and started using essential oils in my home and my life. I actually started using the oils because I wanted some holistic support for my anxiety. Within weeks I started feeling so much better and soon after I decided to sell dōTERRA’s essential oils and wellness products. I’ve never looked back. I honestly can’t even remember my life before dōTERRA. These products support every area of my health from physical, to social, to mental, emotional, spiritual, occupational and every other aspect of my life. One of the top reasons why I chose dōTERRA over any other oil company was because of their QUALITY. The quality of their oils exceeds any other essential oil company on the market. This includes their sourcing from all over the world while supporting families and communities, as well as their methods for distilling and third party testing to ensure quality with every single bottle of oil that arrives at our doorsteps. 

They are exceptional leaders in this industry and I am so proud to be a partner with them. The quality in these products also means the oils actually work. They have supported my own mental health journey, and they are supporting millions of households globally as well. 

I cannot speak enough about the importance of knowing more about what we are consuming, such as where it is coming from, and what impact it is making on the world. Not just with oils, but with all things.

Episode 61: I Didn’t Buy Clothes for an Entire Year

The changes we make in our lives don’t have to be so extreme, however the simple act of bringing awareness to our actions is incredibly important and can help us in doing better for a better world. 

This year I invested in reusable produce bags and snack/sandwich bags, as well as beeswax wraps and more so that we could reduce the amount of single use plastic we consume.

Reusable Produce Bags

Reusable Snack/Sandwich Bags

Beeswax Wrap

Using quality products, having quality thoughts, creating quality content. Whether you are focusing on your health, your wealth, or your happiness… always choose quality over quantity.

 

[15:25] LESSON FIVE: LEAD FROM THE FRONT

In today’s world we are constantly being watched. That came out a little creepy, but you know what I mean. People are watching, listening, learning, and absorbing everything we post, say, and do. We are impacting lives, and as leaders, it’s important to lead by example. There is no room for inauthenticity, for talking the talk without walking the walk. 

To build trust with yourself and with your audience you have to do what you say you’re going to do. Or do the things you are teaching others to do. 

In the last 100 episodes my life has changed. I’m taking every area of my life has been overhauled or impacted in the last two years. There has been growth, loss, and pain, and laughter. All of it. Yes, some parts of my life are more private than others and I have decided to post and share a more positive outlook and perspective AND I also talk about the tough work. I don’t show up crying every episode or every day on stories telling you the long list of negative thoughts that went through my mind when something out of my control happens. 

Instead, I take the time to connect to my inner self. I reach for my tools like my oils, and my healthy habits, and I come back to a place where I am able to respond rather than react. And I show up as the leader I want to be, and the leader I want my team members to be and I say, listen. Today was a tough day, and here is how I supported myself in this time. Perhaps there is some new information, or some helpful reminders that you might be able to incorporate into your life or healing also. 

Take it or leave it, this is me. Those that choose to join and follow and subscribe, amazing! Those that don’t, that’s okay too. 

Leaders. Your people will find you. Keep showing up. Keep leading by example. Your actions will speak volumes compared to your words.

 

[17:55] LESSON SIX: CONFIDENCE COMES FROM WITHIN

There have been a lot of episodes on confidence in the show and they have become quite popular too.

Episode 68: Taking the Big Leap Out of Your Comfort Zone

Episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Tool Kit

Episode 28: Know Your Worth

Episode 79: Confidence and the Core Chakra

Lately I’ve been recognizing languaging and actions that stem from insecurities. I’m mostly noticing it in other people, and remember that the other people in our lives are our mirrors… so this is very valuable information about ourselves as well.

I did mention that my life has been overhauled in many ways. As I’m sure a lot of people's lives have been this year. One of the areas of my life that has been greatly impacted is my career and business. I recently became a co-owner of a pilates studio. HELL-O! WOW this is honestly a dream come true, but also it’s so huge and new that there is fear and limiting beliefs, and the negative mindset comes up from time to time. 

And when I feel my insecurities or negativity creeping in, I have to really remind myself of my own capabilities. Yes there are things that can help impact us positively and negatively, but our confidence, our power comes from within. We have to continue to connect to this core confidence so that it is so strong and unshakable. So that we can take leaps and make our dreams a reality without getting in our own way. 

The biggest, most debilitating mistake is searching for your self confidence in others. Waiting for accolades, and for others to tell us that we are great. Of course I love positive feedback and reinforcement. This is a way to remind me of my own power. I didn’t create a podcast with over 100 episodes because other people believed in me. It was finally created because I believed in myself.

I want to shake my friends sometimes because I see their light and their greatness and their potential but they do not see themselves this way and they don’t go after their dreams.

I recognize this SO WELL because I have been in their position before too. Where people want to shake the sense into you.

 

[21:02] LESSON SEVEN: YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE

This lesson grows off of the previous lesson. Our self worth directly corresponds to our net worth. You get whatever YOU BELIEVE you deserve. Not think or say or feel, what you BELIEVE. You have to believe in yourself, you have to believe that you DESERVE your dreams because YOU DO! YOU DESERVE THE ABSOLUTE BEST! You deserve success and happiness, and anything else you desire that is serving the greater good. 

If you’re hitting a wall or a block or something of the sort, check in with yourself. What do you believe you are worth? Care for yourself, show up, be brave, be bold, learn to love yourself more and more and you will build your self worth. While this is happening watch how your success and happiness builds too!

Start believing in yourself and in your greatness.

 

[22:22] LESSON EIGHT: CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

I honestly feel like this lesson doesn’t really need to go into depth because it’s pretty straight forward. Especially if you think of it from a health and wellness perspective. You can’t workout one time and expect to see results.

Do you want to get stronger? Do you want to feel better in your body? Do you want to move every day? Do you want better posture, flexibility, mobility, etc? Then keep working out. Not just one time, but consistently over a long time, and then keep doing it.

Last year I hit a really hard wall in my business. I can remember sitting on the couch with tears welling in my eyes. I started by business years ago and had felt like I had only grown an inch. That was the day I questioned my purpose. I SERIOUSLY questioned if I should quit going after my dreams and get a J-O-B. I genuinely thought about the idea but it felt like a death of my soul. You must understand: giving up on dreams for me is soul-crushing! But my heart was heavy and hurting because I had been working so-forking-hard and it only felt like it was getting harder!

In my overwhelming despair I decided to draw a bath. I sat with my heavy emotions, and my negative self talk. And after a while I started to let go of all the pain, and come back into alignment with my purpose instead. My purpose is to help busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. So that’s what I did. I helped myself create healthy habits so that I could show up as the best version of myself and transform my own life. And I’m so forking glad I didn’t give up on myself because now I;m even stronger at serving and supporting others.

Plus nearly a year later, I leveled up with a new and daring adventure as a new business owner of a brick and mortar pilates studio and this has been a dream of mine since… I was 16 I think? A long time!

 

[25:13] LESSON NINE: THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!

In a previous episode about the throat chakra I shared the journey of my childhood struggles with my throat, tonsils and my ability or I guess lack thereof, to be seen and heard.

Episode 58: Speak Your Truth with the Fifth Chakra

I cannot specifically remember if this was part of my hesitation with starting my own podcast. To be honest this is such a common mindset block for a lot of entrepreneurs, and it felt very prominent in my journey as well. It’s the limiting belief of not feeling like our voice or our message is worthy. Why would anyone want to listen to me? Who cares about what I have to say? Well actually… the show has received over 17,000 unique downloads completely organically over the last 100 episodes, and I get messages all the time from people telling me how much they enjoy the show. This morning I received a voice note about episode 99 and how much they liked it! 

WHO ARE YOU NOT TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH? 

WHO ARE YOU NOT TO SHARE YOUR VOICE?

WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BECOME THE POWERHOUSE HUMAN THAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE?

There is someone out there who is listening to you. Who needs YOU, your message, your voice, your perspective, your support. 

I say this in the intro episode of the show: “I believe that the Universe has guided you here for a reason. You can call it luck, chance, guidance, or synchronicity, but for whatever reason, your path has aligned with mine. And as of this moment. We are connected.”

Your people will find you. And they want to hear from you.

 

[27:26] LESSON TEN: LISTEN TO THE NUDGES, LET IT BE EASY

“Let it be easy” has been my mantra over the years. Wherever I feel frustrated or blocked or challenged I stop, take a breath, and say my mantra out loud: LET IT BE EASY. When I am ready, I will go back to whatever I was working on and more often than not the work flows.

We are always receiving messages. Often from our bodies about our health, and sometimes from the Universe. Most of the time I am being reminded to take breaks and breathe. Other times I am being pointed in a new direction. Whenever I am feeling confused about my next move, I stop, breathe, and say “let it be easy” and I trust that I will be guided to a path that is free flowing and smooth.

The nudges are the clues, the hints, the signals, the messages that the Universe sends us. It’s always working in our favour, we’re just not always listening… 

I received nudges to move my podcast from weekly live shows and videos to pre-recorded episodes and videos. Then, that transitioned into audio podcast episodes and no more videos. Soon I also felt called to host guests on the show, and now as we grow more, I have new nudges to follow. But before I get to the new evolution of the show, let’s take a peak at the top three episodes so far!

 

[29:18] THREE MOST POPULAR EPISODES SO FAR!

#3: Episode 01: New Moon, New Beginnings

This is the very first episode and live recording of the show. It was a new moon on this day and that is pretty auspicious and special – if you like to follow the moon phases, which obviously if this is the third most popular episode, you must follow it! Haha 

This episode talks about the moon phases, the new adventure in podcasting, as well as manifesting with the moon.

Here's the best part. There is a video and I am nervous, and excited, and adorable. These videos and looking back is so cool in recognizing growth in yourself. It’s pretty amazing evidence of where we’ve come from; and how far we’ve come.

#2: Episode 92: An Action Plan for How to Be a Morning Person

This is essentially a 15 minute guide to creating your morning routine. I break down the benefits of a morning routine, and the step-by-step formula to making your very own.

#1: Episode 81: 5 Tips for Positive Self Talk

Simple, yet powerful, in this episode I break down 5 tips for talking more positively to yourself. I also include information about the importance of this and how to navigate the negative self talk as well.

 

[31:28] Okay now! WHAT TO EXPECT FOR FUTURE EPISODES:

→ More guest episodes! But not as bonuses, as part of the weekly content that I am sharing! We have some amazing guests coming up and I am really pumped about it! You can expect to hear from them soon!

→ I am monetizing the podcast! WOO WHOO! Currently I am enrolled in a new course to learn more about sponsorships and brand partnerships. I am so excited to be doing this because I know it will help myself and the show grow! I spend a lot of time producing the show and creating the content, I want to be able to offer more, and I also want to get paid to keep it growing. Super excited about this!

Great things are happening! Thank you so very much for celebrating this 100th episode with me! I will be popping some champagne I think tonight, or at least I will be this weekend! I appreciate you and I can’t wait for us to grow together!

Find me on instagram @vallavignelife

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Strategizing Your Goals, Businesses, and Events
 
 

BONUS: Strategizing Your Goals, Businesses, and Events with Kyrsten Thronhill

Kyrsten is a former agency go-getter turned entrepreneur, dynamic production professional and the mastermind behind making your event run like clockwork! Kyrsten spent 15 years in the event industry and has executed over 200 events in 100 cities/towns across Canada Her company, Kulture Productions, focuses on outdoor and virtual events crafting best practices to make event management and operations efficient and effective...


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[1:05] VL: Hi Krysten Welcome to the women's empowerment podcast thank you so much for joining us today as our special guest. 

KT: Thanks for having me super happy to be here. 

VL:I would love it if you could start by introducing us share us your story in your own words take us through your journey and how you came to launch your productions company culture productions, where did it all start.

KT: Yeah so many many years ago it's, it's funny so back in, in, in college, I was going to school for acting for film and television and a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to get into experiential marketing, so you know everyone likes the guy that's giving away free swag right so I was one of those folks, and I love the teamwork I loved the logistics of it. I loved being able to go to all these events – for free – that I would want to go to anyway. Be it a festival or a concert or something. And a lot of it was outdoors and I loved that part of it. And so I started doing that. Go forward a few years I fell in love with acting because I was going more into the I liked, like the behind the camera stuff. And even more than that I started to realize that I really liked the operations and logistics and the responsibility that came with managing a team from the experiential marketing side of things. And so I started freelancing more in that and and just fell in love with it and I felt like, people were happy when they were working with me, little things from like, you know, 15 minute breaks or not a thing like 20 minute breaks minimum, that kind of stuff because you just incorporate real life. And, and I just kept moving forward that way so I was freelancing for four years. And then, over, over 10 years. And then last February 2020. Well I've been thinking about it for a bit, but I'm working towards a launch in February 2020 for culture productions. And, which is kind of funny because an event management company launched in February, 2020 is just a big old lap right. So we plan God laughs or whomever it is the last and, and, and that's just where it came to be. I wanted to scale the company and grow. I knew that people liked working with me, and I wanted to be able to create that culture in that, in that company for people and that's just where it came from taking what I love to do and finding folks that wanted to do more of it with me.

[3:58] VL: That's amazing I love how your story kind of evolves in this way where you're following a bit of a dream and that molds into this new version of your dream, and that evolution takes you to where you are today. It's really cool. And it's really empowering to start your own company, I know exactly what that is like. So I was wondering if you could share with us what were your biggest obstacles. During that time, whether it was even from the beginning that pre production period or the pre launch period, how did you overcome all of the things that were happening. 

KT: Yeah, good question. And often I find with with many businesses and business coaches that I talked to a lot of folks start a business. And then they work on the numbers. And I need it and that's the route I was going. And it's funny because even my dad who's a business coach is like, Why do people do that. Why do they start the business and then figure out the numbers right like you know your numbers you have a better sense of where you're going. 

I don't care what industry you're in right so it was for me at first it was switching that mindset of building out my numbers first getting a vision for the company. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to do outdoor events and focus on virtual events, but what did that look like from an offer perspective what value was I providing, and what I can do. But what value was I really providing what what problem was I solving for people. 

So the numbers the first the next biggest thing for me was that market research. Of all the things, honestly that I've had to do in my life, and I know everyone can be great at everything but holy hell that market research part, I don't know what it was for me, that was the hardest part. And, and, and how I overcame that was just just talking through it just keep talking. Until I understood or had a good sense of how gathering that information, worked best for me, and how that did work best for me was talking to people. I work through things well when I'm when I'm talking to people. And then, so that's going well. That went well. And then the next thing was the website website. 

And God love you Thrive Themes but, oh my, trying to do that on my own was really was really difficult. And that's okay because, although it probably took a year off my life, I'll get that back through self care i'm pretty sure. But, but all, although as hard as that was I knew that I needed to go through it, because it was going to make me learn about my business more get deeper ingrained with what we were I was doing for the people that I wanted to provide value for my clients.

[7:39]  VL: Very cool. I love the I love those three kind of chunk steps that you talked about. And I wanted to ask about with that second step with your market research, actually, let's go back to the first step with your first step with the the numbers. What were you looking for exactly? So if someone basically, if someone was starting their own business today, what would you tell them in terms of that first step that numbers game? 

KT: First thing I would say is, you're going to need to make more than you're think you need to make, you're going to need to make more than you think you need to make. It's it doesn't all balance out, you don't spend X amount of dollars and want to make 10,000 more than that. And that's the number that you need to make. The I mean, getting acquainted with terms like profit margin, gross profit margin, you know, profit and loss statements, balance sheets, you need to get acquainted with that sort of stuff. If you don't know it all off the hop, that's all good, but you just need to know the questions to ask in order to get the help that you need. And that's and that's what I leaned into with that.

[9:02] VL: Yeah, I think that's true, too. Because if you're not prepared to learn those things in the beginning, you're gonna learn them really quickly. And I like how you said switching that mindset of Yeah, you always business idea, but what are the logistics with it? How are you going to? How are you going to make the business run? How are you going to put food on your table and all that? The the second step that you talked about were the the different things that you did for market research. You said you like talking to people. So what I want to know is what were you asking them? Like? How are you finding your people? Let's talk a little bit more about that piece. And also, how are you collecting all that data? And then how did you use that data? Take us through the process a little bit. 

KT: Sure. So right off the hop. I felt like I needed to get it right. What I was going to offer what those pain points were, what I learned is that it's okay to not get it right off the hop, have a hypothesis. You know, the challenges are I know the challenges that I went through. And that probably resonates with people. So that's where the conversation starts. These are the challenges.

I have, this is the value I'm looking to provide based on that. Do you feel the same thing? Or no. And as people give you feedback, just write that stuff down. And those start to become your questions that you then want to move into a survey that you can provide people right, you could do that. by whatever means you have I mean, there's lots of free options there: Google Forms, spreadsheet, whatever it is to just get people filling out those those answers, Survey Monkey right and go through the motions and No, and be okay with the fact that those are going to evolve, they're gonna change the feedback you're gonna get is going to be different. You're going to wonder what the hell it is why you asked that question in the first place based on some of the feedback you get. And you're going to need to consistently remind yourself of what that original hypothesis was, and what if you're moving away from it or not? And if you are, that's cool. Just know that and go with the flow. And don't take too long to take action on something. It's okay to not feel like you have it right. Or you're like, yeah, this is good. 

If you feel like you have enough to start moving forward with something, be it an offer, or even now changing the conversation that you're having with your market research. That's cool. Because what I've learned is Everything is every single business owner has done it that way. A lot of folks look real polished 10 years in, because they're 10 years in, and there's no substitute for being 10 years in, you know, and you just got to make peace with that. And then now so that, you know, that's kind of how it's been. 

And now it's just continuing that continuing to evolve and ask those questions based on all the climate around you. Be it whatever those those challenges or new things are that come up with our lives or industries. Just keep asking questions.

[12:33] VL: I think that's amazing advice. And I love that you have this scientific approach to, to the whole the whole process because it really is a numbers game most of the time. And it's also about building relationships, especially when you're working with people. We actually did a survey for the studio because we were having trouble Making decisions and I learned this a while ago. It was whenever you're creating a survey, make sure that every single question is very intentional so you have a reason for why you asked the question, and this was very helpful because it makes your survey shorter, it makes it more clear and then it helps you kind of wade out where what direction you're going in and really say yes we're clearly in the right direction with our hypothesis, or an overbearing away. 

And then that way you can rebuild into that, a new survey if you need to, or a new direction in conversation like you were saying so I find I find that really helpful and I find what you said, really helpful as well. But what's great is that we had a lot of questions about our clients before the survey should we offer this should we offer this for this and we're like, why don't we just ask them why don't we just ask them instead of trying to guess everything. 

That's where I think a lot of new business owners struggle is because they want to put out this really beautiful imperfect, really, like, highly produced offer, and they get it wrong because they didn't do the beta test or they didn't do the survey or they didn't have a single conversation with potential clients, customers, or whomever. So yeah, I think that's really valuable and I feel like it's, it's not really the glamorous part of business, most of the time, so I'm really glad that you said it. 

And then the third piece he talked about was your website, and what I'm taking away from what you said was really, you know, we all have our strengths. So, there are going to be pieces of your business that are not your strengths and maybe putting a year into a website isn't worth it for you and it's not part of the numbers, but you can definitely delegate certain things out to people. I know we've talked about this before. Same thing with like social media management, you find what's working for you, what's not working for you and what can you pass over to somebody else so that's really important. And maybe we can chat a little bit about team building because you talk about teamwork a lot, and I want to know how you how you bring your team together like how do you find who you are working with and how do you make those relationships work loaded question.

[15:16] KT: Yeah. So I called my company Kulture Productions – with a “K” – I got to, you know, throw myself in there a little bit right but, you know, a bit of a differentiation but also because for me it all stems from that team in that culture that you create from working at exponential marketing companies, and just teams and family. 

In general, the biggest thing that I found is that managing expectations and communication are the two biggest things aren't sure what industry you're in you're managing and by managing expectations I mostly mean emotions. Right. And in that communication, I find a lot of problems can be solved. Just through clear communication. 

And what that that process is so, so the, the first part, I like to always talk about is, is mindset. I love how this is becoming more mainstream and it's not just from a company perspective, but also being in such a high paced and high stress industry, it's really important that people know that culture has got their back, I don't care if you're a client or or working in our team or we've contracted you out of your supplier, life happens, things happen, and mindset is just a big thing we just need to communicate that sort of stuff. So that's a big big piece. 

And then the second part after that is taking people through like the systems and procedures that we have. They're there for a reason, there's sometimes a big learning curve with folks as to why we work sometimes the way we do, why we use the software we do, as opposed to some other some other options, and the truth is, is there's, there's a lot of great options right but you just kind of got to pick something and go with it and if you decide to move on to something else later that's okay. 

But getting people into a system and into habits that actually help them be more productive, they'll eventually see it, it's okay I'm confident that they'll get on board and it'll be a benefit to them later. But being open to them, kind of, like, I don't know, like a six year old that's going through growing pains and they're like, I don't know why my joints hurt right like but all I know is a cranky, they'll be like, I know why you're cranky. I don't need to explain to you why. Okay, but let's, I'm going to deal with the symptoms versus trying to tell you what's up. Right. Unless of course they want to have that conversation let's have that conversation, but I think it's important to, to help them navigate through that. And if you if you bring those two together, helping them work through those processes, and also making sure that they understand that they're supported. 

Then, like the skills or the happenings just come, like the relationship is formed you guys can trust each other, you're more productive. And of course there's kind of a third part where you're looking for that skill set. 

But a lot of that skill set can be taught. I don't care who you are. Right. And, and so those are the two main things that I look for when I'm working with anyone. And then the skill set comes along with that so that's kind of like what I like to found everything on, and like to keep it simple to you give people too many things to think about them or just their last. So I like to give them two or three things like this is what we're about. And let's move forward and the restful will work itself out and then I feel that they feel well empowered really to to do their best and be their best because they know they're not being micromanage, and they know that I trust them to just do their stuff. 

And if our relationship needs to part ways, they will be surprised, nor will I be surprised and I believe that should never be a surprise if employees or contractors or whatever that relationship is decided to go different ways. And then it's, and then it's an okay conversation to have like high five, this isn't really working. Cool. Moving on. Do you want to have a tea later. 

[19:48] VL: So amazing! Like you said, you're outlining clear expectations and you're offering that support. So at the end of the day, like if you're not getting it done or, this isn't working out, then we've got to go. And I think that's, I think that's really great of you that's a hue I feel like you're just an incredible leader I can't wait to learn more about and share more about your, your business and your practices. 

Very interesting. I have a lot to learn from you! 

Actually something you both have in common is our love for personal development, we chat about our favorite authors all the time, and many of our favorite authors and our favorite speakers they share a lot of different tools and practices that help us elevate ourselves or help us empower ourselves. So I wanted to know what are some of your own best practices or rituals that you like to follow that help you keep you aligned with your most empowered self or your best self. 

KT: First and foremost, it's being open to trying new ways of managing all that, or processing information, or organizing your day. You know, being kind to yourself about it and not taking on too much. But I think about when I think about that sort of development. So as a, as a yoga instructor yourself with the analogy and like is, say you're doing yoga for three months in that first time like an inversion, or something difficult becomes easy, and you just blow your own mind. But you had to go through all the things and figure out the right positioning and like what worked for you because even though that is the right position. This is the proper positioning How does it fit in my body to work the best. And, and you don't know that until you, you go through the motions and tweak it here and there. 

So being able to lean into those crunchy bits, is the first thing get comfortable being uncomfortable, is when you hit it home man does it feel good and you find that like little thing for me, one of those little things was like 90 minute jam sessions, I work in 90 minute jam sessions I break my day up. 

And I know because I've worked really learned a lot about kind of the science behind why we work we know generally it takes us 15 minutes to get into a task. So, but only a lot myself an hour. I'm doing the task, but I know that I'm only effectively working for 45 minutes, where I could be effectively working for an hour and 15 minutes. Right. And I'm not fatigued right I can take my brain break and even though I'm in the zone I say no no no if you were getting longer than that, then you're going to get fatigued. And I've tried to even just all those timelines 45 minute sessions, an hour, an hour and 15 and for me, 90 minutes is that sweet spot. 

And then I get up, I will make a tea or like have a chat with a friend, or I play with my rabbit, and you know kind of get back at it. So that's one of the big things for me, and I think that process works well in all areas of of self development you just you got to lean into it, in, in whatever that area of your life is. 

Another example is being able to have conversations with folks, leaning into difficult conversations. From a personal development perspective. That helps me say that, look no judgment, I can we can I you know be real awkward here for a sec, and address this situation that I probably normally wouldn't that's another little tactic I've learned myself, is to like call out the awkwardness before it's actually awkward because then it's not awkward anymore. It's actually kind of funny, right, so now you've broken the ice and everyone's all relaxed, yeah you got a little bit of laughing around because I like I'm a big human person, if I get a little stressed, I like I just need to crack a job, and most the time it works to my favourite.

Don't get me wrong, there's been some times there's like yeah tape learn that not the time nor the place. Okay, or like that person doesn't work like that but I have to go there. In order to know that I can't go there anymore. Right. And I mean that with all due respect for not talking any anything extreme. 

And being open. The biggest thing for me is just being open to learning I'm always asking why to do anything, right, whether I have I'm talking to a police officer on set that are on site that has nothing to do with the event. You know, I'm like, how did you guys handle that situation then we heard about a little while ago cuz other industries will always inform what you're doing, and you have no idea when that beauty little nugget is gonna come. So as much as that can come from ours, you know, girls self development gurus are the people that we go to for personal development. 

Personal Development extends way beyond those folks, so you'll grab a tool or practice that'll help you and speaks to you better than anyone you know could ever say. So, being open to that sort of stuff and that's what I've found has gotten me to my to my best self for me to be like, Okay, this is, this is finally easier. You know this difficult conversation is easier doesn't make it really any less difficult to have, but to lean into it is a lot easier.

[25:41] VL: Wonderful, yeah. I agree with what you are saying. You have to try it on for yourself, and you can find a teacher that you really like and that you read all their books, and what I was noticing was, I was so obsessed with personal development for a while that I read all the books and then they all started sounding a little bit the same. And what I realized was okay well why isn't this working for me. And it's because I was busy reading the book and not taking the action of the book was telling me to do. And you will learn for yourself, like you said your 90 minutes works really well for you For me it's a two hour block, so I don't know if I have ADHD or if I'm just someone who is a little bit easily distracted. 

But the two hour block really, really is helpful for for myself, but it took me a little while to learn that too because I would do, I tried all these different methods to get me there into those that sweet spot so I think that's really helpful is leaning in to the awkwardness the crunchiness. The, the, always, always, always leaning into that discomfort because you're going to learn, you're going to grow, we're going to move forward but you, but it's you taking action, I feel like that discomfort is a sign that you are on the right track because you're taking action and you're moving forward. 

And like you said earlier in the interview that you know 10 years experience. There's nothing else that really talks that you could you could have all your numbers all laid out, but until you're actually going into that experience.

It's Yeah, it's huge. Absolutely love it so many golden nuggets in this in this chat I'm really excited. My next question was, what is something we can do to help ourselves navigate current situations, and prepare us for the future I know you talked a little bit about this, about asking questions.

I was wondering if we can dissect this a little bit more, asking question always getting curious, and how do we do this in a way that we can then navigate using these questions like what kind of questions are we asking, and how are those preparing us.

[27:50] KT: From a business perspective, I always go back to strategy first: What are you trying to accomplish? What's, what's the why? I find a lot of struggles come from. If you don't have that that macro. That's clear the micro is going to be so damn hard to figure out. Because you can't relate it back to the why, to the strategy. So you just got to get real clear on that. And again, it's okay if it changes. But as long as you when you reevaluate it if you get real clear on it each time. So the main three questions from a business perspective that I always ask myself and we can relate this over to personal is what is that strategy? What is that why? 

And the second thing is, is there a budget to do it so fine and dandy and it fits in perfectly, but do we have the budget to do it. Right. And that makes it easy, it's, it's this beautiful question that makes it easy. Do we have the budget? No, gone. Yes. Okay. Next up, what are the logistics of it. Can we do we have the resources to support this beautiful idea, we have that supports our strategy that we have the budget for. And if you can't support it. No amount of money that you're going to throw at it is going to help it serve your strategy. 

And then if you think of that from like a personal perspective, whatever your goal is, or whatever that strategy focuses for you. Do you have the means? Maybe it is budget, maybe it is resources, you know, do you have the means to do it?  And then if no then gone. Right. And If yes, then move on to okay well how am I gonna make it happen. Do I need to get someone to babysit you know your child, do I need to send the dog to my parents for a week. Do I need to go for a run, whatever that is, but it needs to relate back to that to that strategy. And if you get if you just go through that process, every time. It'll help you stay clear on that macro so when you go to make those little decisions. 

They can happen quick and they're not they're way less overwhelming and sit far less heavy on your shoulders, and it's okay to move through dishes decisions quickly sometimes. I think that's important to remember too. 

[30:28] VL: Yeah, made me think of when you said, “Okay, this is the goal“. And then if we don't have the resources that goal goes out, but what it made me think of is, “Okay, well if we don't have the resources, what has to come first for that goal to then have the resources?” What do we need to do now for that to work and it could still be like that could, because it could be tied to your why and the goal is your why and that the strategy is your why and that's how are you going to get there and it's just a matter of again asking questions. 

The question now is, so it was Do we have the resources, the answer was no. And the question now goes to. What do we need to do first to get there or do we really need to be doing this goal, maybe we change the goal. Yeah, so I like that just keep kind of dissecting it. And the second thing it made me think of was not holding on to the outcome or the goal that you thought you wanted in allow it like being flexible for that to change because especially when you're working with people, things are changing all the time, and I think that's really important to remember. 

Let's go a little bit deeper into the event and productions industry. The world is changing. We all know this, and virtual events are a little bit more popular a little bit more common. So I want to talk a little towards the pivot. Let's talk about the pivot for listeners who have been, maybe hosting live events or attending live events, how do we now pivot, our event, into the virtual world? 

[31:58] KT: Again, what I like to come back to is that that strategy, what are you looking to do? What kind of value Are you looking to provide for your specifically for attendees, in the event industry. There's a lot of talk now what's great about the pivot is the pivot has been coming and happening for years. They didn't, all of a sudden, get thrown in our face it scaled real quick because of circumstances. And not even just circumstances also what people were looking for in this like bespoke experience right. And so, not all is lost if you haven't got there yet know that that's super important. 

So to go back from that strategy first perspective. The main thing between virtual events, and in person events. There's this 8020 split love that rule, it's ridiculous how much it applies to a lot of things. 20% of in person events. only 20% sort of in a game. Sensory have in the in person events is what will change on virtual events, and those two main things are your tech and your touch points with your attendees. Everything else can work itself in in a different way. 

Right. So if we go back to strategy, And so you have an in person event, Does a virtual event accomplish what you want it to the person event was looking to do, and vice versa, if you have a virtual event that you're looking to bring in person, because in person events, they're coming back, people want them, we can we can see even from our current climate, just people going to restaurants and that sort of stuff. But we, we know that not all is lost one way or the other, there's still people that love one or the other. So again if you're going from a virtual event to an in person event you're gonna have that 20% again that's going to be different, you're attacking your touch, right. 

So, it's nice to be able to what I like to do is when my clients is be able to have that conversation with them was 80%, that we know we're going to have to tweak a bit, but what's that 20% that's going to have the biggest impact. And if you just ask yourself that question what's the 80/20 for me? And how does that relate to my strategy? If you can clearly answer that question. If it serves your strategy and serves your attendees. You're good. 

Now there's a lot of conversations around to around hybrid, specifically in the event world, and the easy. The easy answer is, don't do it. Because the purpose of virtual events is different. Well, yeah, the purpose, and the people that it's serving is different than the purpose, and the people that in person events are serving. So there's there's that two factor in as well. Now, I put a little * beside that because I'm sure you know we'll get better at it as people get used to it a bit more. But you're serving people differently, that way so my reko is, If you're pivoting one way or the other, ask why. And if the conversation pops up around a hybrid, ask why again and see, again it just it relates back to that strategy.

[35:45] VL: I'm really glad you mentioned that because I host events, and I was wondering who should, should I go forward hosting live and virtual events, and what would that look like why would I. Why would I do that. How could I, how can I make this live and virtual. And when I was just brainstorming by myself off the top of my head and thought, I think this would be more beneficial to the audience and to the, the people attending to the attendees. If it were two separate events. One was live one was virtual is kind of like you couldn't come to the live so for Corona virtual type of thing right. It can't be. I don't know it wasn't it wasn't really working on this mix I'm glad I'm glad you said that but again Asterix because we're open to new things. 

And what I wanted to know actually from what you said was, do you have any examples of those touch points I feel like the tech will just depend on what kind of event you're hosting but in terms of the touch points. What do some live event touch-points look like, and then what were, what would be some virtual touch points? 

KT: Yeah, so a fun one. That, that are finding people are really liking is. So for, but let's step away from like festivals and events and go into another bit of a live in person. type of event, like a run, or something. So you got a marathon going on. And so there's this cool camaraderie community building experience that happens when you go to pick up your badge right you get your little and choose packs right maybe a little thing all this foam three stuff right all those little goodies all the swag that we all love right you're big you know you got a yes you get all that sort of stuff. We have this interesting opportunity now what about if we're doing a virtual event. To give folks a swag bags. 

And swag bas right there like the renew it they've got all the things that they could have before. And maybe the run is still happening but now they've got different start times, but they still get that and maybe they couldn't go into the building to get all their stuff but they still have that pre run experience where they get to open their box as they would open their swag bag, see all the things, try them on, take a photo with their family, post it on social media so it's like it's mimicking what the experience that they would have had in person, but now they're doing it at home, and posting it more virtually that way. So that's that's a fun. That's a fun thing that we're seeing a lot happening in the in the events world. 

Yeah. So another example of a neat touch point would be sticking with that same example for a run right so you can't go in to to do the, the actual champion in person right. but they do still have a time. You know people are still running but you have a slotted start time versus isn't. What if we did a virtual checking. So people still have to check go to them, or whatever platform you're using and, and go in and talk to an actual human, that says hey what's up. Congratulations. Pretty uh pretty awesome that you're doing this right like Do you have any questions, did you get your swag box. Did you get all the things right so it'll be a consideration there as to when you want to do the check in time so depending on what questions, as if they didn't get their swag box, do you actually have time to solve that. Right. So those are all logistical things and then that's why you hire them people right. Don't think of that stuff where he knows we pay him for. But, but it's a fun consideration that way for the touchpoints and to keep people engaged and make them feel just as valued and support it, as they ever would if they were in person, something interesting that I'm that I'm hearing from a lot of virtual events is not only. Well firstly I'm seeing not only are they outperforming. I mean if we're talking from clearly financial thing outperforming their their their in person counterparts. But people actually feel more engaged and, and the attention is on the more supported. So it's interesting because they have a bit more of a voice that way as opposed to being lost in a sea of people. So it's kind of neat that that transition that's happening so virtual events actually bringing us closer together.

VL: Yeah, that is really interesting to hear, because I know that I get a lot out of those in person connections and community building. I know that you mentioned that and I didn't mention this before but you and I met through a virtual community. And I feel like a lot of the people that we've connected with on this virtual community. I've known them for either a long time or because we have a similarity because we've been part of this virtual community for a little while now. I don't know I never thought that I could have a deeper connection with someone and learn so much about someone. This way, but it's working, and I feel like I've made genuine friends, and I mentioned this a little bit of the pivot back because back from virtual to live, or avoiding the hybrid right. But is there anything else that we need to to remember, we go back to two live events or in person events I should say no live. 

KT: Always for me from, from a management perspective it's always health and safety I don't care what's going on in the world, it's always the thing and it always needs to be. The next thing is, is analyzing your numbers and your data, what do you have to go off of that your people are telling you right because as we talked about before, like, ask them. Did you enjoy this more, did you not. 

So, being open to having that conversation with them and being open to seeing how your live event evolves. And if it changes that's okay, if it gets longer that's okay because shorter, maybe it was a three day thing maybe it goes down to a one day thing like that's okay. Again, what is what is your strategy What are you looking to do for yourself as a business, be it nonprofit for profit, what have you, but also what kind of value are you giving to your attendees. And can you now do that in a day. Did you. Is there anything that you learned that, that helps you evolve your in person event and asking re asking yourself that 8020 question really is, is the biggest thing so health and safety. At 20, and what did the data tell you. 

[42:50] VL: I'm glad you said that because if, when we were looking at our data from our own survey. It was specific to our play studio and we asked people, you know, are you going to be coming joining us in person or in the studio Are you gonna be joining us virtually or we're using. Are you thinking of something like a mix of both. And we were blown away by how many people actually wanted that makes it both virtual, and in person classes. And I know that even from a teacher and a student perspective as somebody who's taking fitness classes online, and hooking them in person. I liked the option to just turn on my computer, sitting in my living room, do the workout, and then I was done I turn my computer off and then I could go have dinner if you go have a shower right away or I was already at home and I didn't have all these, like I wasn't driving to a new space that I've never been before so I really think that there is room for both types. And that's what I want to ask you is, can we still have the best of both worlds. Can we sell a virtual can we still Why does it have to be one or the other, can be both?

KT: YES. hahah! Answer Yes, they can. And like you said, I think it all comes down to what your, your people want. Right. And if that, making sure that it doesn't come at the cost of the value that you're providing people right if it's not serving them properly. Maybe that's what they want. It's kind of like when you know you're looking are talking to your clients and, and, and you're telling them what they need to hear. Right, knowing that this is what they're asking you kind of have to search for that question behind the question, to see if like do they actually want a hybrid something or is there something else going on, that they miss that I could incorporate into either of those, but I certainly think you can have the best of both worlds. And it looks so different for different industries in different demographics depending on what they want and how well versed are they in in software and just engaging that way, right from it from a simple logistics perspective. To what do they need to feel to feel fulfilled, are they like an in person. They need to like feel the energy in the room or they comfortable and can still feel connected in in a virtual way no matter what the what the event is but I love that your folks are telling you that they do want both what that says to me, is that. My question is, now I would put back to them. It's like it sounds to me like you really like consistency and you want to be. You want to be involved on a consistent basis, but you can't make it in all the time that for whatever reason, it just doesn't fit into your life, but you understand, like me, I'm an in person gal. I just love it. I love the energy, I want to feel the music waves coming out of the speaker into my body, you know, you know, as an example, and so yeah you can and that's just going to look like. different things for different people and different companies and clients. 

[46:14] VL: Yeah, that's a great point and it again comes back to the strategy the survey all the data so really good point. And I want you to brag a little bit right now I want you to tell us everything about what you do, what kind of clients you serve. Basically if anyone's out there listening to this interview and wants to know how they can work with you and what and what you do. Exactly.

KT: Oh, we talk about obstacles when it comes to your business pat yourself on the back and doing those elevator pitches and and being comfortable talking about yourself, knowing that you're actually not bragging because he knows who you're going to talk to you to be like, should you do not. Well let's talk. Let's talk. Right. Um, so yeah. I just love what I do, so I'm not talking about it, by me right away. Um, so I love our culture productions focuses on outdoor and virtual experiences. It's funny people like what can you do your stuff. Yes, I can do indoor stuff. I don't want it though. 

So, I can do it, I like it. Some people, I still love it so this is what I like to focus on. And that's plenty. I think that's important for people to know there's plenty of work and what you want to do. If you love it enough and you do and you provide enough value. So, that's why I've moved forward. In this way, some of the big projects that we've done is, I worked on a traveling hockey festival called Rogers hometown hockey, for, for four years so we were. I was a senior Event Manager on that. And what that means is that, I would help set up. 

I would go and visit all the communities. Let me back up a bit. The festival is a hockey was a hockey based festival that went to 24 cities in 26 weeks over the hockey season. So we went across the country with that. So we did that festival in 97 cities across the country, which was on real oh man if you have not traveled this country. And you're like, now's the time Jesus it Now's not the time I don't know what it is right so like, check it out. We've got some good stuff.

But, so I would work with my team to, to go to all the different cities and have those conversations with the cities and towns Hamlet's to see if they wanted to host this thing. And so we would have that conversation with them, and then work with their team to get a local Organizing Committee set up and take them through beginning to end. So we were working with 24 teams concurrently across the country to get them all set up.

And if that doesn't mean systems and processes, I don't know what does and I was like, Oh man, I don't know what the word is I've heard geeking out or nerdgasm or whatever you want to do but I was all about eighth grade so I just loved all that stuff because I love making sure that people feel good, and feel supported because form, and you know, she goes south. It's all good. You know all get done because it has to one way or the other. And we're going to do it sanely. That's the big thing for me is, is, yeah. Team sanity and that. And then most recently, I've had this new contract come out or a new client.

I wouldn't use a new client like I got a new opportunity I'm just so blessed to have the opportunity presented so so it's a company called curbside concerts and little plug per se concerts.ca, check it all out. And so, because of COVID, what happened was a gentleman named Matt masters out of Calgary, very well known in Calgary across the country as a Western musician and artist. And so when music stops.

You can probably think of three musicians you know that are playing that were playing in live venues anymore right or supporting an initiative somehow with with live music. And so he and his friend build a stage on top of his car and he literally started playing concerts and people's herd size. Right. It was so awesome, and the need was there people wanted it they I mean it, there's been like 300 shows of that already coming out of Calgary. And so, for him he's if there's something here, people want this, and you love like music as much as I do. I don't care what the circumstance is. And I mean that goes with anything that someone who loves and is passionate about you're gonna find a way to do it, you know.

And one thing I'm a big believer on is. I don't particularly like the same thinking outside the box, I actually think it's a lot easier, more productive, to have a little box. I mean, the boxes have to be tiny and restrictive. It just has to have parameters, that's all right and you can work within them. So we have these interesting parameters that were set on us, right in March, and he rolled with it. Right. And so he wanted to now to take this national, and I was at, I had to stop myself or be like don't don't seem too excited too fast right but you're like it's contracted so find the contract you want to send you wonder, do you want to send me one right. And so that's what I'm working on the main project that I'm working on right now is getting this up and going in a managing and culture is managing the operations for that. So, we have to be very aware of the health and safety around that we need to know, you know we're developing onboarding processes for artists that we want to work with as we want to expand this out across the country and producers across the country that have their rosters right and it's just so it's so good and it's so nice to see it flourish. There's an interesting learning here I think for everyone is that the initiative is was doing so so welling in Calgary from the gecko, and then you start to scale. And sometimes, in our case the amount of concerts that we were having dipped a bit because we needed to hit this infrastructure in place. And I think it's important for to share that, because that can be a little bit scary when you're talking about a startup or you got money on the line you got lives on the line you got these humans that depend on you. Right. There's like a ripple effect that this is his family's kids right we want to make sure that they're taking care of and and you know the conversation on the early on with that was again mindset, which was really great that is something that this initiative aligns with a culture.


Thanks, in a leash make sure that everyone's in the right mindset and moving towards the goal. And so now we're just we're going to blow that out and it's going to be awesome because we've got a lot of the feedback coming in and people are loving it and. And I think we decided yesterday so I'm going to say it out loud for the first time in the world and we're launching August 17 nationally across yet across the country so we're building, building up to that getting all the from an operational perspective for me getting all the systems and processes in place to onboard artists and together, or producers in each of the regions set up and supported in our marketing strategies set up from a marketing director and just all all those things and I'm just keeps a stupidly stoked because I feel a little punch drunk on it honestly it's and to be given this opportunity and it's easy to talk about because I see how excited people get when I talk about it, which is just as excited as I got so I digress you shouldn't let me go I could talk about that for days it gets a little fired up.

[54:13] VL: Oh my gosh, well congratulations! Oh, congratulations that's so exciting and at the time of this recording that's less than two weeks away so that is huge. How long does the event run for? 

KT: So the initial, we're pushing for November. And we're going hard for six months we want to really see what we can do in six months and I think that's smart we have some realistic goals set in place we're going to reevaluate in six months, and long term, the goal is, is a year, two years, five years 10 years we really want to support musicians across the country and and change the way that the community involves artists and interacts with them.

[55:10] VL: Wow, amazing, and so cool. 

KT: WEBSITE: KultureProductions.ca
INSTAGRAM | @kyrstenthornhill

We've got a company, Instagram, you know, it's on its way. We're working we don't want to throw it up there until it's ready, you know again from that value perspective of not putting it out there that. If it's not good enough to go yet. However, the, the Asterix on that is, I love a quote from the co founder of LinkedIn and he said if you're not embarrassed by your first version of something you took way too long, put it out right and so and then that's fine and I apply that every day in my life to a lot of stuff like so this is.

[56:27] VL: I've never heard that quote before I love that. That's so great and it's so true, what I always say in my classes when, when people are getting frustrated that they can't do a pose or whatever they're going through in the class they just say you know I'm an expert at anything was once a beginner so give yourself permission to just, just try to show up for yourself and whatever that looks like, and your business yourself whatever it is that's awesome i love that quote, definitely put that into the show notes as well. All right, we're ready for the rapid fire round!

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

[57:05] Question number one, what are you currently reading or what's your favourite book? 

KT: So, full disclosure I'm not the biggest reader of long novels, I'm a big audio book person I like articles, and that sort of stuff. Okay, being a little bit vulnerable here so something new that I've taken on is. Maybe this is coming because of the lockdown stuff. But, but exploring the world of some steamy novels, and just kind of listening to those and what they mean to me and and exploring that genre a little bit more, you know, and then playing with those fantasies a little bit so um a couple of the series that I'm listening to right now is, is called: Beautiful stranger. There's another one called a beautiful bastard. So, yeah, that's kind of that's kind of fun enough that I'm listening to you right now maybe not my favorite book. But, but, it's what I'm exploring right now.

[58:36] Question number two, what are you currently working toward? 

KT: There's two main things. One is creating a successful business through culture productions that can really support people that want to do the same. And, yeah, do their thing I feel like culture is a place where they can do that. The end game on that is being able to have an exit strategy for that, so I'm building towards an exit strategy, what that looks like, I don't know exactly yet but I know that it's there.

The other thing that I'm working towards or looking for, for me, is like is my person. You know, I'm very open to engaging in that now and having those conversations to build a life with someone so that's something I would say that I'm working towards but I don't want that to come off the wrong way. I know it's worked let's be honest relationships are all work, but I'm sorting towards that right now.

[59:46] Question number three, what do you love most about being a woman? 

KT: The fear of most though being a woman is the essential reality that comes along with us. And how we're able to express ourselves. I love that. The words that anyone can get to use them but. But some of the words that that women have to express our feelings I love I love that side of stuff. 

If we're talking about the nature versus nurture side of things going you know straight up science. I love that we're the nurturing side of things, I love that I can bring that to anything that I'm doing, and still be just as powerful in that position in all the right ways possible. But I love that there's that sort of filter for me about being a woman and I think it's, it's very helpful and is a source of empowerment revenue any woman that wants to tap into it. To use this like innate ability that we have that can feed whatever we, whatever we want to do.

[1:01:06] Question number four: What does empowerment mean to you? 

KT: So for me empowerment is process. I don't. For me it doesn't, it's not a thing it's not an action or single action. And it's not it's not a word for me it's more of a feeling. So, even some of the things that we've talked about here when we talk about being like being comfortable with being uncomfortable. That's empowerment, whatever moves you forward and makes you feel like you can do it.

And you've got this, you're gonna fuck it up I promise you, but you've got this faith and that's it's that mindset and being okay with that. And knowing that there's just lots of energy that you can that you can pull off of to feed it knowing that it doesn't always have to come from you that you're okay to lean on stuff to get into that empowerment position.

But in totality it's moving through that that process. And when you feel empowered. You'll know you'll know when that that switch. Just changes. And from for me and a lot of people that I've talked to you it doesn't typically go away after that. There's walls but it never goes away after that so once, once you kind of get there, then, then you're, then you're good.

[1:02:50] I think that's incredible. The way you describe and define empowerment I feel like that's something you really embody you embody that definition of empowerment, so I just, I want to acknowledge that and I want to acknowledge you and thank you again for coming on the show. I have learned so much more about you today that I that I didn't know before and that's one of the things I love about doing these interviews is getting to know people more but also giving you the space to brag, and like not even brag because you said it's on a break. This is what I do this is what I'm proud of. So I want. I feel like this is a space where you can explain. Maybe that's the word for it and you can really just speak your your truth and your voice and your, your lessons in your learning I learned so much from you today this is incredible. So thank you, you are appreciated and I know that you are going to be so successful in this new project and the production company because you already have everything you need and then the right mindset, and the empowerment and the drive to and the courage, for sure. You are one of the most courageous and brave people I've ever met. to to be successful. So I wish you fun, because I know you're going to be successful. I don't even need to wish you the success I just wish you have a really great time and you laugh a lot and you love every frickin moment of it. Yeah, I just. This was so amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. 

KT: Oh, likewise, I learned so much about you and honestly even about myself and just just talking about stuff it's so much different way to say it out loud, and I'm looking forward to getting more ingrained in and following you in what you're doing and connecting with these wonderful women that you're, you're bringing to the table and giving them voice and we're just learning, learning from them so thank thank you.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E98: 5 Ways to Nourish Your Relationship with Money
 
 

E98: 5 Ways to Nourish Your Relationship with Money

In this episode I will share five simple ways to start nourishing your relationship with money in the next 24-48 hours! Plus the list of past money, wealth, and abundance episodes from the show...


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[00:27] Hello there! Welcome back to the women’s empowerment podcast, I am your hostess Valerie LaVigne, and I am so very excited to be here with you today talking about MONEY! In this episode I am sharing FIVE ways to nourish your relationship with money, with the intention to encourage a new perspective, introduce some new tools, and inspire you to awaken abundance into your life. Let’s begin!

[00:53] The first way to nourish your relationship with money is to

Number one: Remember that Money is Energy 

I often hear people talking about money as if it is the goal. “I wish I had more money” or “I need to save more money” or “when I have money” But when we think about what follows phrases like these, we discover that there is a more specific goal, and it is money that gets us there. 

For example:
“I wish I had more money… to go on a longer vacation.”
“I need to save more money… to buy my dream home.”
“When I have money… I’m going to get out of debt.”

From these examples we can clearly understand that money isn’t the goal. Money is the energy, money is the tool that helps us reach our goals. This is a very simple mindset shift that we need to remind ourselves of.

TAKE ACTION:

Get clear on what really matters (what do you need more money for?) and outline your priorities. Where are you going to spend your energy? 

Examples:

You like going out to eat, but you love travelling. Can you spend your energy (money) on groceries and make meals at home and use the money you saved to go on a longer vacation?

You want to upgrade your car lease, but you’d rather buy your first home. Can you compromise on a lower model and use the difference in your monthly payments toward your new mortgage or downpayment for a property. 

Do you one better: can you walk or take public transit?

Once you are clear on your goals, you can properly prioritize your energy and also find new ways to support your specific goals! Clarity is key!

 

[2:57] Number two: Solidify Healthy Money Habits

Your relationship with money is like your relationship with anyone else, it takes work and it needs attention. I’ve outlined four simple money habits to practice that help build a healthy relationship with money.

 

#1. Respect your bills:
Every side of a relationship deserves respect. When your bill arrives, don’t roll your eyes, ignore it, or start swearing at it. Money has ears, can you imagine if you reacted the same way to your partner when they came home? They would be heartbroken. 

Instead, greet your bills with appreciation, gratitude and love! You were able to buy some pretty great things using your credit card. It has helped and respected you, now it’s your turn to return the appreciation.

 

#2. Save your receipts
Having proper receipts will help you separate taxable and nontaxable income so that you can distinguish your actual deductions. Once you start saving your receipts, you’ll also want to implement habit number 3 and organize them…

 

#3. Have money dates
I have a money date every month. It’s the time I set aside to review my spending, saving, and income generation. I first started tracking my income and expenses when I started my business. But whether you have a business or not, I highly recommend tracking your expenses. The way I record mine I am able to see how much money I am spending on different areas of my business. You can create categories specific to you and your business or life.

One month I realized I was spending WAY too much money on coffee dates so the next month I decided to invest in a Nespresso machine and drink coffee at home. I love my coffee ritual and my nespresso machine.

 

#4. Visit your savings
Every so often check up on your savings account. – OH WAIT – I’m going to interrupt myself… if you don’t have a savings account, start a healthy money habit to put money into a savings account regularly. – Then once you have one, you can visit it. Watch how it grows! Feel yourself getting closer to your goals with your savings, and say nice things to it like: Thank you for being a safe space to hold my energy so that I can insert goals here [travel the world]. OR I’m so grateful for the money I am saving, as my appreciation grows, my savings account also grows.

TAKE ACTION:

Choose one of the four habits and start implementing it in the next 48 hours. Then block off time in your calendar each week to cultivate the habit.

 

[6:00] Nourishing your relationship with money number three: Wealth is a Mindset

If you want to be rich, you need to think differently. Wealthy people will tell you that the key to their success is having a “millionaire mindset.” Did you know that only 20% of millionaires inherited their wealth? The other 80% earned their money on their own.

One of the biggest obstacles of people living with debt or paycheque to paycheque is that they believe that this is their life. But it doesn’t have to be!

TAKE ACTION:

Get clear on what you want money for (refer to #1) THEN, figure out what your limiting beliefs and money mindset blocks are. These are the things we think or tell ourselves about money that are holding us back from our goals and from building a healthy relationship with money. 

This step may take some time, because most of us don’t even know what our limited beliefs are. When I first started understanding my money stories, I would write down everything said about money and also the people I spent time with. I kept it all in a note file on my phone. This helped me understand my money blocks and also the limiting beliefs I inherited from my family and friends.

 

[7:43] Number four: Get in Touch with Your Feelings

Thinking and talking about money can stir up some real heavy emotions. According to personal finance author Suze Orman, shame, fear, and anger are the most common emotions tied to money. No matter which emotion you are feeling, the best thing to do is forgive yourself.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward” – Steve Maraboli

Most of us have experienced these heavy feelings, have made money mistakes, or have struggled financially in some way. Like any relationship, mistakes will be made along the way. Lean into the situation, release the judgment and forgive so that you can discover creative solutions and move on.

 

[8:52] Number five: Celebrate the Wins

Gratitude and appreciation attract more things to be grateful for. The same works for celebrating, it’s a form of showing gratitude – celebrate your wins each and every week. The big ones, the small ones, and everything in between!

TAKE ACTION: at the end of each week, write down all of your wins – do this daily for bonus good vibes! Choose different benchmark dates and celebrate all your wins between those dates. Choose celebrations that you like best! Popping some bubbly? Spa day with your friends? A bouje dinner?

AND Whenever you’re having a bad day you can go back and look through all the wins! It will cheer you up and remind you of the badass human you are!

Alright, those were the 5 ways to nourish your relationship with money!!! These are super simple practices that can make a world of a difference with your money mindset.

 

[9:53] List of previous episodes all around money, abundance, and wealth!

Episode 11: The Dangers of Your Comfort Zone

Money Mindset Mini Series

Episode 73: Part One Awareness

Episode 74: Part Two Action

Episode 75: Part Three Awaken

BONUS: Successful Strategies for Money Management & Rocking Your Side Hustle with Liz Enriquez

BONUS: Elevate Your Money Story & Overcome Your Money Blocks with Vanessa Bowen

Episode 83: Three Magical Manifestation Magnifiers

Episode 86: Three Keys to Creating Space to Attract More Abundance

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E97: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
 
 

E97: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

This is the 97th episode of the show and when I look back at where it all started, sometimes I have to pinch myself! Is this real life!? Did I really create a podcast with nearly 100 episodes and over 15 000 downloads and super incredible inspiring people who are asking ME to be on the show?!


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[00:59]  WHATT!!!?? 

Well the answer is YOUR DAMN RIGHT I DID! And I have the evidence and the bags under my eyes to prove it hahaha but seriously. Sometimes I hear a tiny voice in my head that asks, 

“Who am I to start a podcast?” 

“Who am I to buy a business?”

“Who am I to empower women in health, wealth, and happiness?”

I know that I’m not alone in hearing this small voice. It’s not just me that hears these questions; or similar questions. It’s everyone. It’s the perfectionists, the experts, and It’s the high achievers.These thoughts lead us to believe that we aren’t good enough, or that we aren’t worthy of feeling good or achieving goals, or dreaming big. This is known as Imposter Syndrome. Typically these thoughts lead to feelings, which result in inaction, and then usually more negative feelings follow. 

However, as someone who is an advocate for a holistic approach to health, I speak a lot about mindset and today’s episode is all about overcoming imposter syndrome. Before we get into some of the tangible practices, I would like to remind you of the importance and power of our minds. The only way we can truly stop the feelings of imposter syndrome is if we stop thinking like an imposter. 

And I hate to be the one to break the news, but mindset shifts aren’t always quick and easy. Especially if we’ve been experiencing the feelings and thinking the thoughts for a long time. 

I will share some key practices, along with examples from my own recent experience in partnering to buy a pilates studio – the full story for a future episode.

You’ve probably heard of it before, “Imposter syndrome” is when you undermine your experience or expertise, devalue your worth, or believe that you’ve only succeeded due to luck, and not because of your talent or qualifications.

If you aren’t nodding your head, raising your hand, or cringing right now, then you might not have ever felt imposter syndrome before, but the chances are you HAVE! And you’re not alone! I most definitely have felt this way, and I know many other people who are successful and incredible and achieving big things have felt this way too.

Allow me to break down EIGHT ways to cope with and overcome Imposter Syndrome.

[3:43] NUMBER ONE: Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step to changing anything is bringing awareness to the issue or area of concern. Call it out. Call that tiny voice out when it’s questioning your skills, your expertise, your abilities. By doing this, you will also be able to separate your feelings from the facts.

I feel silly, or small, or stupid, but that doesn’t mean I am any of these things. The first time I did an instagram and facebook live I felt so silly. But I had never done it before, I was staring at myself. When I teamed up with my partner to open the new studio I felt inadequate, but she wouldn’t have asked me to partner with her if she thought that, so obviously this wasn’t a fact it was a feeling. 

It’s okay to feel this way. Know you’re not alone, know that it is a feeling and you aren’t defined by it. Know the facts and don’t let these feelings debelidate you. You’ve got this.

[4:51] NUMBER TWO: Release Your Inner Perfectionist

Whenever I notice myself obsessing over everything and trying to make it all perfect, I remind myself that Perfectionism is a Form of Procrastination. It’s great to care about what you are creating and putting out, it’s important to notice details and to do our best – these are signs of a healthy drive to excel. It’s also important to produce your work. 

At the time of this recording, the schedule at our new studio has already changed multiple times. We have added classes, deleted classes, moved classes, and the schedule will probably change again soon. If we tried to make it perfect, we’d never have one up! We created the best with what we had, and now, after one full month of a specific schedule, can make changes based off of all the information we have received.

Which brings me to Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

[5:55] NUMBER THREE: Reframe Your Response to Failure & Making Mistakes

They are going to happen. Failures, mistakes, and everything in between. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. There will be times where we don’t meet our expectations and label something as a failure, which is why it is so important to reframe failure.

Episode 63: How to Fail + Make Happiness Your Compass

 

[6:31] NUMBER FOUR: Rewrite the Mental Script

I mentioned earlier that this episode has a lot to do with mindset. When it comes to our minds there are automatic scripts that start to play out in our minds when we are triggered by imposter feelings or feelings of inadequacy. 

Some examples would be the questions I gave earlier of that tiny voice in my head. “Who am I to be talking into this mic teaching people about imposter syndrome when I woke up this morning feeling unworthy?” Or “Oh gosh I have no idea what I’m doing with this technology, wait till everyone finds out.” 

We can notice these scripts, stop them, and rewrite them. 

For example:

“I am the perfect example of someone who is constantly noticing and improving my mindset and overall health and wellness. I had feelings of inadequacy this morning, and I still showed up to produce a podcast that I have built organically despite not knowing what I was doing when I first started.”

“This technology is new, and everyone who starts something new feels this way in the beginning. I’m learning as I go and smart enough to figure things out, and brave enough to ask for help when I need it.”

Be kind to yourself. Just like mistakes and failures, you will also come across new areas of learning and developing your skills. An expert at anything was once a beginner. 

Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

[8:09] NUMBER FIVE: Track + Measure Your Success

Two of my favourite quotes for the administrative pieces of my business are:

“What gets measured is what gets moved.” AND “If you aren’t measuring it, you aren’t managing it.”

There are a number of benefits to measuring different parts of your business, or your life for that matter, but measuring your wins should be at the top of your list! In a previous episode of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast I talked about my daily gratitude journal and all of the things I learned from writing down what I was grateful for each day. I recommend tracking your wins each week and recording them in a place where you can look back and see them all together. Over time you will build a library of EVIDENCE showcasing your skills, expertise, adequacy and worthiness.

Plus when imposter feelings surface, you have a whole list of achievements and wins you can refer to that prove the facts that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Episode 69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me

 

Let’s move on to

[9:21] NUMBER SIX: Own Your Accomplishments

When you are reviewing your wins and your achievements, and when you’re reaching your goals, learn to celebrate your success!  

Reward yourself when accomplishing something. We popped champagne to celebrate the new studio. Friends of mine all came out to eat tacos and celebrate this new chapter. I’m still accepting ideas for what the 100th episode of the women’s empowerment show should be but I will definitely be celebrating after 100 episodes!

Pat yourself on the back and say, “I am proud of what I have accomplished” 

As a bonus, say your name aloud. Research has found that the simple act of adding your name to an affirmation can have a powerful effect on how you perceive yourself.  

For example: “I am enough” is amplified as “Valerie is enough” 

 

Coping with and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

[10:21] NUMBER SEVEN: Visualize Success

Professional athletes and military recruits do this all the time!

Spend some time before your presentation, before your instagram live, before launching your new product and visualize exactly how you will navigate that specific situation successfully. This allows you to prepare for the best and truly embody the energy and gravitas of who you are when you achieve a goal. Tap into those feelings over the imposter feelings.

It also allows you to foresee any risks or issues you may come across and how you can successfully overcome them.

 

[11:03] And lastly, NUMBER EIGHT: Fake it Until You Make It

Think of this less like “winging it” and more like “skill development.” Jump in with both feet, so that you can learn and grow as you go. Stop waiting until you feel ready, your courage and confidence comes from taking the risks! Allow this courage to build as you leap! And re-listen to episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Toolkit for more tips to make this work for you.

Episode 53: How to Build Your Confidence Toolkit

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Healing & Transformation Through Art
 
 

BONUS: Healing & Transformation Through Art with Marina Billinghurst

Marina’s career in art and fashion spans over two decades. After winning Canadian fashion design awards in her twenties, Marina went on to graduate from Parsons School of Design with a BFA in Fashion Design. She’s also designed and stepped into the Creative Director role for multiple leading fashion brands in Canada and internationally, such as Joe Boxer and Joe Fresh. In 2019, a lifetime of creating original artwork culminated in Marina creating her own distinct aesthetic of dreamy watercolours paired with luscious materials for a luxury collection of sustainable, wearable art pieces.  She calls them Magical capes...


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[1:49] Hey Marina! Welcome to the Women's Empowerment Podcast! Thank you so much for joining me today!… I was thinking about when we met, and I was trying to figure out where exactly it was. It was at the June Motel (in Prince Edward County) over a weekend retreat with the Toronto Business Babes and The Content Planner. I remember seeing you in your kimono with your long blonde hair and you're really tall and colourful and I wanted to know who you were, and I was excited when you started talking to me at one of the lunches.

One of the things I want to talk about today is your personal journey. So you have a pretty intense and very empowering story, and I'd love for you to share that story, in your own words. 

Yes. Thank you, I do have an intense story that's for sure, and I think that's because I've worn a lot of hats and I've been through a lot in my life so far. I'm an artist and designer, and basically started my career want to be a fashion designer. When I was 18 I moved to New York City and I worked in Fashion and I went to the Parsons School of Design, but the journey took about 20 years to get me to where I am right now. So all that happened in between is what made me the woman that I am today. So that's: leaving home, discovering who you are as an artist, that's going through experiences that create who I became and essentially it was all in the last year that it really unfolded for me. 

I guess I'll tell you about how it all came to be. I moved to New York and 18 and basically started my career in fashion design and I came back to Vancouver after 9/11. That was a hard time for me to go back to New York City because the world had changed so much. So I've been through a lot of world changes and sort of drama things, at the time it was so scary so I begged my parents to let me drop out of school and sort of figure out who I am. And when I did drop out of school, in my senior year, I ended up starting my own clothing line which won a lot of awards and accolades, but I was 21. I was SUPER young! I needed up doing that for 5 years and it was amazing but I really had no clue of what I was doing, so long story short, I went back out into the world and I decided to try all the things that were on my bucket list. Because I knew when I was 24/25 I didn't have a social life because I ran a business at that age. I get it because now I do the same thing again because of the experiences that I've had. 

So when I was about 24/25, maybe 26 I just went out into the world and checked everything off my bucket list and everyone thought I was crazy and tried to intervene but I was like, ‘no I want to be in a rock band, and I want to be a yoga teacher, I want to do all these things' because I just had no fear. I could always come back and work for another clothing company or start my own clothing company again. But I was so young and I didn't know about the planet and I didn't know about sustainability, other than the little bit that I had read about. I didn't understand until I had a clothing line and I went overseas and I saw people sewing. I didn't know where this stuff comes from. And when you go to the store and you buy things, you don't know where they come from. 

As I got older I really started to care about that. And I got all the stuff off my chest about wanting to be in a band, and I did it! I did all those things for about 18 months, and I was a yoga teacher for about 6 or 7 years, during the whole experience and yoga is still a huge part of my life. After quitting my rock band I told my parents I wanted to be a graphic designer and I want to design websites and  I want to go to the Art Institute or Vancouver, because I'm from Vancouver. And my parents sat me down and told me that I was going back to New York and you're graduating. So I reached out to the school and asked if they would take me back after 8 or 9 years. Even though they had just changed their curriculum, they allowed me to go back. 

So I went back to New York at 30 years old and I got to do my senior year. So it was a real cool kind of circle story of going back to where I really belonged, but getting the things off my chest that I didn't know if they were the career I wanted. I think there's so much pressure when you're young to pick your degree; decide what you want to do, but really you have to experience your life. You have to try to fly at other things and see what sticks. I am so grateful I had that time and I will never regret going on tour with a rock band and teaching yoga all over the world. I could to teach yoga in Hawaii, Barcelona, and Las Vegas and it was just so amazing! Because when I got my Yoga Certification, I met so many amazing people that had their own studios all over the world and that's so cool and it's just part of my story. 

From there, I ended up going back to school, graduating, and my boyfriend at the time was not able to work in New York so I was looking for a job in Canada, and from my graduation I got a job at Joe Fresh in Toronto. So that's how I ended up in Toronto. I started as a Print and Pattern textile designer and kind of worked my way up. It was amazing to meet Joe Mimran who was such a force in the fashion industry. He started up Club Monaco and sold it, then ended up partnering with Loblaws to great this grocery store brand. 

There were so many amazing things I took out of that experience, and one of them was I really learned about Fast Fashion. And that just tugged at my heartstrings because I remember my experience with fashion and going overseas and I worked with small factories in Thailand, and Indonesia and I was in Bali. I make resort ware, it's always been beachy. So when I worked at Joe Fresh, I got to see the units; 10 000, 20 000. And it just kind of blows your mind. You know, every grocery store around the world is selling these things. And what happens to the product when it doesn't sell? What happens? That's when I started to ask questions, and there were some incidences where factories were falling down and the quality of the work environment wasn't really there. It was just kind of like a weird eye-opener and in the long run it just kind of brought back the fact that I knew I was going to design for myself again, I knew I was going to have a clothing line again, I knew I was going to do something with my art. And I knew it had to be something sustainable. It had to be organic in some sense, I knew the working conditions had to be good. That was sort of my mission statement for when I had to go ahead and create a new product line. I worked for Joe Fresh for a while and then I got kind of pinched from another company who offered me the world, and that's when I started to learn about the work force in a big city. 

When I started to work for other companies, they promise you all this stuff, and you design but it's the same kind of circle. But the good thing is I got bigger roles, and I got more responsibility, and then I had to manage a team, and then I became a creative director. All those things [I kept thinking,] ‘am I read to do this on my own?' and I was just kind of waiting for an opportunity and the Artist Project in Toronto came around and my husband was kind of getting annoyed with me because I had all these paintings, and he's like, ‘They're taking up the whole garage, are you going to tell people you have paintings to buy, or are they just going to be here in the garage forever?' and I wasn't really showcasing myself as an artist. I wasn't really promoting myself as an artist at the time. So I decided to go for it and apply for the Artist Project and I got in off the waitlist! It was 2017 that I did my first booth and I pretty much ended up selling all my paintings, and I lightbulb went off, so from there I, I knew I wanted to wear something at my art shows. 

I had already started designing things for my brother's winery – where I am now – so I had always kept vendors and connections that I knew I could start printing my own product on. My brother was the first person that needed tea towels, tote bags, scarves, and I found a factory that checked off all the boxes. But I wanted a kimono, because I wanted to wear something that looked like my art while I was selling my paintings! So I was like, ‘I definitely have to have a draping kimonos, that's just what it has to be!' Silk, floor length, it has to feel good on this skin. I'm really picky with fabric now as I'm getting older now, it has to feel good on the skin, I don't care how cute you look in something, once it's touching your skin, it has to feel good. So I'd rather have a lot less stuff now, but when I was younger I wanted it all and that's where it kind of came from; that's where it all switched.

I ended up making my first kimono. My husband, when he saw me put it on was like, ‘that is insane, that is so cool, that is amazing.' Then I'd show friends and [they would all] want one. Then I'd wear it out and [people asked me where I got it], so then I ended up making different prints and thinking up new ideas. They were one off prints and really expensive obviously, I'm not fast fashion, so you're paying premium dollar to have one made. 

I went on to more art shows, and the One of a Kind Show asked me if I wanted to be apart of [it], after seeing me at the Artist Project, and this was a dream! I would never have thought they would even allow me in, but I sell my art, and then I make my fabrics. It became a lifestyle of watercolour on different things. I love minimal art with white backgrounds and beautiful watercolour prints. I like that it goes on kimonos, and I sort of just created this Art of Marina Brand. That's sort of where I ended up, and I knew that it had to be sustainable. Marina is my name, and I'm really into the ocean and beaches and resorts. Once I become profitable, I will be giving back to the ocean, clean water, shark free marinas. Everything to do with preserving our oceans and keeping them clean. It was kind of just like ‘whoa, this is actually kind of a brand? Because my name is Marina, I'm all about the ocean and I design resort wear!' I kind of just thought I was ready! 

The One of a Kind Show in 2018 was the last show I did as a creative director. A week after the show, I got into a car accident. So that was when BOOP! Life changed big time! 

This is where the things get kind of weird because, what everyone didn't know (that saw me and met me). I do have a very positive and happy energy and I love everybody and I just see the light in pretty much everyone. But I was going through a really dark time. My husband and me are crazy in love and have been best friends for ever and amazing relationship, and connection; all the things, so blessed! But the only thing we weren't blessed with was having children. 

We just had a slew of miscarriages and trauma that happened to us with trying to have a baby, and so I wasn't going to give up at that point because having a child was the biggest thing I ever wanted. I think sometimes when you can't have something, you want it 900 times more, and you start to go a little crazy. So I actually got to that point. Everyone that was pregnant in the office was a trigger. I started to take away from all the positive blessings that I did have, because of something that I couldn't have. And that's where life got weird for me, because I pretty much went after everything I wanted and worked hard to achieve it. But the crazy thing about fertility and pregnancy is that, that's something you have no control over. And a lot of people can't let go of that, and I was one of them. So when I was in my car accident, I was pregnant, and it was a healthy pregnancy. And it was the first time that I was like finally pregnant, and I got into the car accident. And I was like, ‘Okay the Universe obviously has other plans for me,' and there's not a lot that I can do at this point, other than step back and work on my own healing. 

I've gone through so much healing which is why I'm able to talk about this, and this is why I wrote my book, which I will share with you, is because the hardest thing in the world for women is infertility. When you're trying to conceive, or when you do and you have miscarriages, it's so painful. Hugs and love to every woman who has gone through that. There are so many different stages of women and their fertility and their cycle. Like postpartum and what happens to your body. Women who can't have children, they would give up their leg to have a kid! So when I see women with postpartum and body image and body shaming… hunny I would take those stretch marks, I would take the pain that you went through, I would lose the sleep because it's something that I couldn't have! But this is the mental and psychological thing that we go through as women. 

What I started to do when I was going through my healing, was I realized that, I do have so many other blessings, and if I can help other women who have gone through this, find their light… I want to be that light to say, ‘I've gone through it. I've lost babies. And I'm okay.' Because I've taken the time to dig deep and get the spiritual healing. I wasn't into the whole mediation and taking the time to write affirmations and focusing on the positive energy and the light you've been given. I wasn't into that. I was in corporate fashion, I loved the world, but I didn't have any issues. I worked, got what I needed and moved on. It wasn't until I couldn't have something and then I had a tragic car accident that I legitimately had to step back and find my purpose. 

I did a podcast with Making Smith “A Walk in My Stilettos” One of the things we both took out of that was that Pain Births Purpose. When you read a good story about somebody, or you watch an Oscar winning movie about someone's life, the best stories are the most painful ones, right? Because they overcame and obstacle, and they looked deeper and found their light. I'm grateful for that car accident – in a crazy way. I'm still sad about what happened and I relive it sometimes and I go to my meditation places, and I find a way to deal with it when it comes up, because it does. But I'm grateful for the light that it did bring out in me. In a sense that I was like, okay well I didn't lose my arm, I can still draw, I can still paint. I have time now to focus on nourishing my body, my soul and my purpose. That was [part] of how I overcame the dark side. 

I decided that this is what happened and it is what it is, and I'm just going to focus on why I'm here and what's my legacy? What can I leave behind if it's not going to be my children? Maybe I can leave behind some beautiful artwork that people will appreciate after I'm going. It's weird because legacy wasn't a big word for me until I realized I might not have kids. And you realize that it doesn't matter because it's your life and it's about what you do every day. Every interaction that you have, I could be that woman who gives a stink face to the woman with her children in the grocery store, or I could say, ‘Oh you have beautiful children.' and smile and leave that positive light because I do love everybody and I'm not jealous of other people's children. Because I've come to a point where I'm grateful for my blessings and love [all the children in my life]. I would do anything for anyone, it was a me thing it wasn't a them thing.

[21:54] Thank you so much for sharing that. I could feel my own emotions coming up and I honestly I wasn't expecting to react the way that I was as you were speaking, but it's so important because I love what you said, “Pain does birth purpose.” I think there is some truth to that because not only is that pain… it depends, there are so many layers to it. But when you start to step back, you can really find that purpose through the pain. But if you're so focused on the pain and staying in that “victim mentality” you're not allowing that space and that processing of the pain to bring out that purpose. Like I said, there are so many layers there. And it's a very personal and imitate journey, and going through the layers, getting the help, doing the healing, I mean, I can only imagine how much growth happened in that short amount of time. It's only been a few years but to hear how far you've come since then, it's incredibly empowering. Your story is so empowering. I really am grateful for you sharing that, and feeling like you can share that, because what I think of when I see women like you, who have gone through traumas… it's just this beautiful and incredible story that helps me see someone that I can relate to, and someone I look up to, if they can do it, then so can I. And because you're holding the space for women and people, and using the platforms like my podcast and other shows, and your instagram page, and your kimonos… it's important and it's powerful and we need people like you in this world, so thank you so much again.

[24:24]  I do have some fun questions I'd like to ask you about your story, I'm dying to know, what was the name of your band?

I was in a band in the states and we were called ‘Jaded' I used to have major stage fright, I was always super shy as a kid, I was always so scared and nervous. Trust me, when I was little my mom used to try to get me up on stage in places and I used to get up and shake and freeze. And I still have to deal with that, that's still something else I've overcome, because I became a yoga teacher. When I became a yoga teacher I learned how to speak in front of people. But I'm telling you, my first few yoga classes I was stiff and scared and I did not know how to speak and I forgot all the things, but then again it's about moving into this space of the less you think, the more you're going to do well, and that's art. 

So the band was called Jaded. and it was not my type of music, I'm a very Fleetwood Mac type of gal, I love the classic rock, and I love singer-songwriter and acoustic anything. And I was pretty much in an all girl heavy metal rock band. But hey! It was a platform where I could be someone else, like an alter ego and I could learn how to preform in front of people, so it was pretty cool and I wore leather freakin everything. My friends were like, ‘What the heck is this!?' and I'm like, ‘Just trust. I'm on a mission, I'm seeing if I can be a singer in a band.' The exciting thing is that I ended up going to singer-songwriter mode after I quit the band. I learned that I was not meant to do that. I tried, I gave it 135% or 3000% and the music industry wasn't for me. But I'm so proud of myself for trying and I recorded music and all those things.

[26:30] That's so amazing, and after this, I'm going to get you to send me some of your songs. LOL 

What I also love about your journey that you share is that your 20's are this time for you to explore and try new things, and step into the possibility of becoming an all-leather wearing heavy metal rockstar? Yes I could! And it's that growth of getting out of your comfort zone and learning new things. It's really finally learning and creating who you are. And I love how through your journey, and through your story, you were always coming back to art in some way. That's what I wanted to ask you about next, is this healing power of art that you talk about and share. 

[27:49] What I want to know is, what are some of the ways that we can bring out our inner artist, or our inner creator? 

You know the first thing I would say, like anything else, you need to let go of your inhibition. You have to be free and open to experiment. A lot of people are trying to paint the perfect face or trying to paint something from nature. When I teach my art classes I start with an abstract approach. We just get the brush and focus on the pigment and wanter and just mix it and just watched what happens when you make a stroke. It seems like a junior way, but you kind of have to go back to the beginning to see what that paint does on its own. because abstract art is beautiful. People who are creating abstract art are making millions of dollars and they have no control over what they do, because it's really just about what the paint does. So I like people to stop and look at that. And just get out of your head. Leave your ego at the door, same thing when you do a yoga class. 

You just have to let go and remember that you have to be open and free to what you're feeling that day. So whenever I get a little bit of inspiration, I do whatever that inspiration is calling me to do. When I'm stiff doing something, I'm not going to be really good at it. When you're trying to draw something and your hand is stiff, how are you going to make beautiful lines? You have to relax your hand, and just let it come out of you, loosen up, shake it out and that is when you're going to make beautiful art. When you're locked and tight and feeling like, “Oh I suck!” How are you going to make beautiful art then? It's a mindset of letting go and being free and just trusting that your hands just knows what to do.

[29:54] I think that's great advice, because I feel like the more rigid I am, and the more that my hand is stiff, it doesn't flow out of you like you said, and we're all creators inside so we just need to let it come out, right? How do we get ourselves out of that “I suck” or “I'm not good at art mindset? 

I love this question because what's good art and what's bad art? Go look at what painting sold for $50 million and ask, is that good? I don't know… Art is in the eye of the beholder. For me I like to really just ask my students to really just feel the art. I know this is going to sound cheesy, but it's a creative experiment, and it's a release, so when you're feeling an emotion and you paint that emotion, it's going to dry and you're going to be like, “wow I did that?” It's all about doing it as much as you can until your feel comfortable. Once you feel comfortable holding the brush, mixing the paint, then you can start to experiment with more challenging tasks. 

And that's why with my little IGTVs and tutorials, you have to be patient. It's steps. You will get there, just let go of thinking that you're good or bad, and do it for the process, as cheesy as that sounds. That's what it is. For me it's a release. Some people like to run 10k a day, I like to come home, listen to good music, and make a painting. And just like, let go and stop thinking about the world, and one thing that is so great about it, is that it takes you away from that to-do list, it takes you away from the stress of how you're going to pay that bill, it takes you away from thinking about someone you know who is really ill. It gets you out of the dark side and gets you into the light because you're creating. Sometimes you make something and you can't even believe you made it. The majority of my work I'm like, ‘how the hell did I paint that?' I have no idea, but I did because I tried and I had a positive attitude.

[31:51] I love that, actually during one of your IG Lives when we did the rainbows, I actually make it into a card and gave that to a friend who lost their grandfather that week. It was really special for me to make something and put so much love into. I had never painted a rainbow before, and it sounds simple but it was meaningful. I liked that when people dm'ed you their paintings they were all beautiful and unique. Like you said, what is good art? I've been to places where there will be a huge canvas with a line painted through it, and I think ‘well I could have done that!' So it's so funny. 

What's on your playlist when you're creating art? What are some of the songs you're listening to? 

Oh gosh! You know what I do is I have Title, so I just do that radio. I play one song and I just radio similar music. I find I'm discovering new music. But I am, again, a sucker for the classics. There's something about old music. I listen to The Beach Boys, and the old stuff, like Dirty Dancing soundtrack. I love old music, I don't know what it is!? I'm obsessed with Stevie Nicks, I just love her voice; Fleetwood Mac; and I love Sinéad Harnett. There's no music I don't love in all honesty. Anyway that's just a little bit of what I love!

[33:46] Love that! I would love to share any of your playlists if you have them. When we're ready to create, when we feel fired up I'm gonna put some good tunes on, where do we start when we step into this feeling of ‘I'm going to be creating now' What do we do, where do we start? 

So that's the hard part because I'm so glad I did quit my job and I did become an artist because you get a call to make art when you least expect it. You can have your paints set up and be ready to go, but you're just not feeling it that day, and that's just the reality of being an artist. I think that's the same for being a songwriter, or any medium. Some days just aren't your days. That's why there are so many other things to do when you do art as a business, like when I'm sitting here and I have that feeling come over my body and I'm like, ‘I need to paint birds right now.' Like, I gotta stop what I'm doing and I have to go paint those birds! And I can have folders of inspiration of things to paint, but what I've learned as I've gotten more experienced  is that maybe later I don't want to paint those. 

What I learned when I was recovering from my car accident, I had this calling to paint butterflies. So I just had my stuff laid out on the table, and every time I had a calling I just went and grabbed my paintbrush and I painted something. And I would do it until I felt like I was done, and I would walk away. Then come back and paint another one. The nine magical butterflies were such a huge part of overcoming my trauma, and PTSD, and part of my future, and all the things, they saved me! And it's so weird because it's a painting, but that's when I realized the healing power of art, and magic, and mental health. and finding an outlet to release whatever you're feeling. 

My suggestion to anyone who is like, ‘where do I start?' is get the supplies and put them out and practice, and when you get that calling, just make sure things are nearby. Because sometimes you might allocate time to paint. And I can do it now because I have other things like original art pieces and prints for the kimonos, and different things I can paint. So I can do watercolour Wednesday, but sometimes in the middle of the night I want to get up in the middle of the night and paint something – I'm probably going to do it!

[36:33] Ya, love it. Just take action on it. If you're feeling that feeling just do it! And obviously, get the supplies ahead of time. 

I want to talk about your butterflies. What are the 9 Magical Butterflies? What do they symbolize? 

Basically it was TRANSFORMATION. I had to come from one place to another, and I didn't manifest this. I mean maybe I did, but I didn't know what I was doing. I just painted these butterflies and then I sort of decided to focus on something I needed to overcome while I was painting and creating the butterfly. I don't know why it was 9, I've never been attracted to the number 9, but when I painted the 9th butterfly I was done. And that was it. And then I went back and kind of dissected. So what they are, are basically steps to transforming any kind of rebirth you need in your life. 

So when I painted the first one, it was the FREEDOM Butterfly. My first stop was that I [felt] so stuck. I couldn't get out of my head, I wanted to be someone I'm not, I didn't know why I was alive. It was all the darkest things, you go through so much trauma and your mind is crazy. Your mind says things to you that you don't want to hear. I just wanted to be free. I wanted to be free from hating myself because I didn't want to have children, and feeling inadequate as a human. Everyone can compliment you on all the things, but when there's something substantial that you just can't have, you don't care about [anything else]; you just hate yourself. How do I love myself again? and one of them was freedom to let go of – genuinely let go – of the things I can't change. And I can't change those things. I'm not a bad person because of those things, I need to remind myself that I have to have the courage to believe that life is still beautiful without the things that I thought I had to have. And believe or not it is. So the Freedom Butterfly is the first. And it's the most powerful butterfly because it just proves that you have the ability to admit that you want to change, that you want help. 

[38:43] Then it goes onto the LOVE Butterfly. The Love Butterfly is you want to love yourself. You want to whole-heartedly love yourself so that other people can love you too. Because you cannot be loved without loving yourself. You're not really there. So once you have the freedom to let go, and once you accept that change, and trust in the Universe, then you have to love yourself. So that's the next butterfly. 

[39:13] Butterfly number three is HEALING. Now that you've loved yourself, you have the ability to heal. You have the ability heal from all the things that make you uncomfortable. Sometimes you can't love other people because you don't love yourself but it's because you don't see what it is that's blocking you. So healing is cutting that cord. And allowing yourself to accept others for now the things you didn't love them. Knowing that you might not be able to change them, but you can still love them. So this brings in other people. Taking things slow, and trusting in the speed. You know, the butterfly doesn't know how long it's going to be in the cocoon for, the caterpillar doesn't know when it's going to come out, but when it's ready it does. So that's the healing. You have to just trust that you need time. And that's when I miracle happens. Miracles come from really hard things, right? People pray for a miracle when their life is falling apart, when they thing they're going to die. When they're going to pray to God, they're going to find a Higher Power. That's when miracles are going to come in. Miracles can change in the fourth butterfly. Now you're healing, you love yourself. I don't know where this came from, but it just came out of me one day and I do this once a year now, I go through my butterflies and I do a ceremony. 

[40:39] Hope. Hope is keeping your spirit high, and finding a way to now achieve again. It's like, okay now I'm ready to believe that I can achieve great things. And maybe they weren't the things I originally thought, but what's my purpose? If you don't have something to hope for and dream for, then what's the point? So that's the next step. 

[41:07] PEACE. Peace is forgiveness in yourself, it's being at a point where you're able to accept everything that you are. Peace is a very important butterfly because it's gratitude; gratitude for where I've come. Surrendering to the things that you are. Having Harmony in the world around you. Because we all have so many excuses, all the time, every day. Have peace with who you are. Even if you're in a wheelchair or you can't see, you can play the goddamn piano if that's what you're meant to do! 

[41:55] PASSAGE. Passage is one of my favourite butterflies because we are ever transforming. We change every year, every month, every day. So passage is the butterfly still molding into its greatest self. This could be for someone going through a transformation in life, This could be for still overcoming. There's no sure thing, of I've accepted. You're still transitioning, you're still going through change. So it's they symbol to have positive intentions and a full heart and trust the process. 

[42:38] The HAPPINESS Butterfly is one of my favourites because it's just choosing happiness. A reminder to choose happiness. So every day we come across a point where we can focus on the negative or we can focus on the positive. And it's never a good thing to focus on the negative – ever. Always choose to focus on the happiness. Because ya, someone cuts you off and you give them the finger, and swear at them, and call you husband and tell him how someone cut you off, go to the grocery store and tell the person in line and constantly carrying the negative. Or you could let that [person] in and give them a wave and you're automatically going to feel better. So it's like do that with your life in a general sense. 

[42:23] And FRIENDSHIP is the final butterfly because you are friends with yourself, you're friends with the Universe, you're a companion, you're a comrade, you are able to be trusted. That's one of the hardest things like, are you trustworthy as a human? Why not? why yes? Are you loyal? Do you have love in your heart? Are you going to be there for someone? And in a world of being an entrepreneur and trying to embody female empowerment, there's room for all of us. 

So one of the things that I love is lifting other people up and showing someone how to do something instead of saying, ‘oh sorry hunny, figure it out on your own.' I'd rather always lift somebody up, I'd rather always be that person and know that all you have is your impression. Like when you're a kid and you have an idol and you meet your idol and see them doing something dark, that's it, they're not your idol anymore. it's over. I'd rather always lift someone up and be a positive force. And all those things are a choice. All of them. And trust me, life's not easy. Life is hard. My family's gone through some hard stuff, I've gone through some hard stuff, and just know that other people have too, and you're not alone. The world is full of hardship, we are all so blessed. 

So this whole movement of my 9 Magical Butterflies is pretty much my motto for life. What I love is that with every chapter of this book, you can paint a butterfly. And it's different every time. I do it, and I paint butterflies like crazy because they're so beautiful  and I do abstract, and I do real butterflies, but what I find is that, with each of these butterflies, you can read the book every year, it's kind of like a cleansing to transform. And every time you read it, you and you do the butterflies can have one goal. And you can do as many times to really fulfil the one goal. For me, this book healed me form infertility. Do I have children? No. Am I at peace? one million percent. Did I find my purpose? I sure did. Am I building it slowly and sustainably? Yes! Even if  something else tragic happened I know that I overcame the last one, and this gives me hope that I will be able to overcome the next one.

[45:53] That's so beautiful, you didn't say this before. Are your 9 Magical Butterflies going to be a book? 

Ya! I am almost finished my book, book is a big one! It takes a lot of editing, fine tuning, and a lot of focus. I've never been a writer, but I am a story teller, so however that comes out. I'm working with a really beautiful friend of mine, Karen and she is editing and is like my little fairy godmother pixie who takes it and cleans it up without taking away my voice. So that's the thing I really wanted this book to be really true to me and not influenced by anybody Elise because it came so organically that I want to be able to share and help other women overcome their obstacles and become their best selves. 

You know, I just paint, and what I realized was that the one thing that made me heal, so I chose that blessing to make a formula to help other people. And you don't have to be good at art, that's the thing. This is for everybody: for people who are amazing at art, and for people who have never picked up a paintbrush. When I paint with my nieces, I just love how free they are. I want people to experience the freeness and not to do this for any other reason, but to just let go.

[47:32] Are you calling the book, 9 Magical Butterflies? 

Yes, that is the book. It's basically like my story and a workbook. So the workbook is something you can do once, twice, a million times. But my story, goes deeper into each chapter of the book. So I really talk about where I had to overcome the things I've had to. It was hard to write, it was very emotional, I think I bawled my eyes out for every chapter. 

And to go back a bit, I never wanted to share my fertility struggles. When I first made a post, it was an accident. I didn't want anyone to know that I couldn't have children, I was so ashamed, I was so embarrassed, I felt like a failure, again. It was an awful feeling. And I know that there's a lot of women out there who can relate with me because they just don't understand why. And when the doctor tells you it's unexplained and there's nothing we can do… What are you supposed to do? Jump off the frickin bridge? Because honestly, that's what it felt like. But instead, I was like, you know what, I'm going to write this post and I'm just going to say this is how I'm feeling for myself. I accidentally put it in Hoot Suite and I actually programmed it to be posted and I woke up, and I had my phone blowing up. And I shared that I had fertility struggles and I looked at my phone and I was like OH NO!!! I ran outside to [my husband] and I couldn't believe what I had done and I thought it was really wrong and I was so ashamed that I did the post and he hugged me and said he was so proud and how good I must have felt. and everyone was sending me dm's and telling me how much they love me. And I was so [surprised]. 

But if you share the things that are hurting you, you're going to heal. Like secrets aren't meant to be secrets, they're meant to save other people from their trauma. We need each other. The world needs each other because we've all gone through such hard stuff, and coming forward. That's the first step to healing. Hold that shit inside and you'll never fly. The weight will take you down too far. So that was a very pivotal moment to let people know how good it felt to that I'm not perfect at all. And then I wanted to start to share more, and talk to people who are really struggling and help them find another positive place to put their energy. 

I didn't know I was going to share this much with you, but it's just so much apart of the book and the future, so pain births purpose people! The more pain, the better the story, the better the recovery. We got this.

[50:43] Ya, I love that, and I think it's perfect because it ties into what you said, we need to have that freedom butterfly first. We need to free ourselves from the shame and the holding onto the pain. It might take awhile to release, but if you're not allowing it. If you're not giving it that space to let go, the healing is going to take that much longer. WOW! I cannot wait for this book. When do you think we'll be getting it? 

I actually have picked the release date. It's not until 2021, I have this whole beautiful project I'm doing surrounding it. So I said let's slow down and I picked September the 9th, and they're the 9 magical butterflies and September is the 9th month. The people ‘m publishing with, they reached out to me. Honestly I had no idea but 9 is a magical healing number and this story is amazing, you have a book here. We want more. We want to hear about every chapter. That's how it came to be. Two years after I did the blogpost I'm realizing it. September 9th, 2021. 

People who are interested [in the book] can go to my link in bio instagram.com/artofmarina and sign up for my 9 Magical Butterflies mailing list. I will have beautiful tools for people and a 9 week challenge where before you buy the book you can go on this journey with me, and I'll have videos as kind of a bonus before I release the book, so you can see if it's for them. And prepare you if you want to get your art supplies and things like that, you can be ready. It's a journey! And I just want to guide people to experimenting with art and mental health and finding their truest and deepest purpose.

[52:53] I love it! I'm definitely going to be signing up.

[54:13] I do want to talk about your brand a little bit before I let you go, but one of my favourite parts of your business is that you're Slow Fashion and that you care about the environment. This has been something that has really shifted for me as well. Tell me a little bit more about the sustainability of your brand. 

Yes absolutely, so the whole concept is to wear smart and not fast fashion, like look at a product and see its originality and origin. So each of my pieces is designed and made with love and I use luxury sustainability. So really like eco friendly fibers biodegradable my inks are non toxic, they're slow fashion, like, people should understand and learn that term mass fashion is made from toxic inks. Master production synthetic fibers that will pollute the planet, and so on. 

All my prints are engineered and designed as a placed fringe so essentially they fit each garment. I do not print bowls of fabric, when you put bolts of fabric, things are cut and there's ways there's waste in the, in the fabric there's waste in the inks. There's just waste. So when I, when I print each kimono they're printed separately and then they're sewn, so really it's just so like there's no waste. 

And that makes a huge difference in the long run because not only is it ethical and sustainable it's non toxic games but now there's no waste so really you're buying a piece of art, you're buying something that will last and, you know, environments thought about. 

We use mulberry silk, and we use model. Model is made from beech wood trees, so it's also like eco friendly and biodegradable it's cooling and antibacterial, so it was silk mulberry silk is the best silk it's just beautiful on the skin it cools it doesn't make you sweat up like, if you see like a kimono that's made out of like a poly silk. I'm breathable, you will sweat, it's, it's not good for the environment it's like man made fibers it's all the bad day, so it's luxury, and it's beautiful. And we're original so my, my art is my art, nobody else has it, I make limited quantities of my kimonos and most of them are made to order. So, next year I'll be releasing all new prints so all the ones I have right now will no longer be available. And it's just the wife couldn't create new, and then you'll realize when you own one of my pieces that it might never come back real numbers and I will have, you know, limited edition so 100 of each print, but these are all stepping stones and that's where I want to get to. 

My values, align with the planet. So, obviously, as I mentioned in the beginning of our reporting is just the ocean, the sea, the animals that thrive in the world, and on our planet are my inspiration, so of course I want to keep the planet healthy and vibrant three years and I want my kids to go to Hanauma Bay and Hawaii and snorkel and actually see fish and I want, you know, the sharks to stay in the ocean and not be just taken out for their fingers like I want the planet to stay beautiful so once I have a profitable company to the point where I can give back. I will be giving back to those charities so sciama, you know, clean water programs so I'm resourcing and finding sorry not resourcing I'm sourcing and learning and educating on where that money will go because there's so much charity that it's hard to find the right ones so as I'm growing and I've doubled my you know revenue last year even through a pandemic people are supporting local and it's amazing. So now I'm like Okay How can I not just be organic and ethical but how can I now give back to the planet, and obviously it's going to be related to the ocean and the seas, and the animals that thrive there because that's what inspires me the most.

[58:32] Because that's what inspires me the most. I love that that's so perfect so actually last year I dedicated the entire year to not buying any clothes because I was so appalled by how many clothes I had and how much of it was fast fashion. And I just kept telling myself like, I don't need another pair of yoga pants like I don't need any more clothes. I can't keep looking at this massive closet full of clothes and saying, I have nothing to wear like ice there's so many options, why, why am I feeling programmed to to believe this so I dedicated the entire year to not buying any clothes and it wasn't as hard, it was, it was crazy like it wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be but it was really interesting and how like I had to really prepare like I had to like unsubscribe from different clothing stores and different and unfollow different pages online and then I really wanted one of your couple knows, and I was kind of like well it's supporting local business. But then I found out about your sustainability and how yours, like it's slow fashion and I was like okay well you know what this is something that is, it's something so beautiful It's art. And now that I have it like I love the way it feels. It's so beautiful. It feel I feel good to wear it and it was one of those things where I'm like I bought this knowing that I'm supporting your friend I'm supporting a local business.   

I'm not contributing to environmental waste like I would have if I bought fast fashion. And the way that it makes me feel and it's like that intention behind what you're purchasing and it's made me more mindful so I absolutely love it and I'm like, I want all of your pieces. I don't know if I can afford every single one of them and I'm like oh no, don't, don't, don't get rid of all the prints because I love them so much but I also can't wait to see what else you create because I know which is going to be so amazing so thank you for sharing that. And I noticed that a lot of your pieces have to do with like nature, whether it's flowers or palms waves, and even animals in nature but is there anything else, or someone or something else that inspires you to create or something right now maybe that's going on.

[1:00:48] 100% I started with fashion illustration right so when I was younger, I've always been obsessed with beautiful women. I've always been obsessed with the women like I just love femininity, like my favorite artists were Alphonse mukha from, you know, like that our new bow style with the lady is four seasons and the women with fruit everywhere and hair. So, an all and to slip track with like dancers and Edgar Degas with the ballerinas like I've always been attracted to femininity. So, my first ever inspiration were models in magazines like I just was an author of beauty so that's where I started drawing was like I wanted to try to draw the faces. 

And I've always had role models and even though my mom's friends growing up, I'd be like Auntie, you know, Carrie who and Auntie, you know, Lou who would come over and those women would inspire me I've always been really attracted to the power of feminine energy. So, I'm part of my concept is girl power. Wearing magical capes that make you feel beautiful female empowerment quote. So I started drawing up my, I'm not a type I request I just scribble out, you know, the future is female and all that powerful feminine clothes that I put them up in those style, more than my watercolors so it's kind of amazing that female and feminine energy is a huge part of my inspiration. So, I want to just constantly attract people who have positive intentions and core values and, and always just be a female feminist power empowerment section where planet major I'm a nerd sure I'm not a mother but I want to nurture the planet with love. And so that's my way of being mom kinda because it like I have my animals and love just inspiring others, and so yeah female empowerment women of all ethnicities. 

I love painting. Every single woman on the planet so if you go through my Instagram you'll see there's all times. And then, I like the fantasy aspects. So mermaid unicorn, and to be. I was very much in love with all the Disney movies like Cinderella, and the Little Mermaid. I definitely still have that magic in my heart and I like to create the unicorns and all things like that because I do have a fancy side so that's about it it's a little bit fancy a little bit of answer and a whole bunch of girl power.

[1:03:36] Amazing, totally perfect for for the show. Okay, let's get into our rapid fire round I'm gonna ask you four questions, are you ready?

I think so I had notes with like stuff that I don't know I'm just gonna freestyle this.

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

[1:03:49] Even better. Question number one, what are you currently reading or what's your favourite book? 

Okay, so I just read Untamed, Glennon Doyle, I read a Marie Forleo's Everything is Figureoutable and all those last two that I read. I'm into these like Girl Power stuff and both amazing books.

My favorite book is probably The Alchemist, just love that book I read it all the time, every few years. And I also love a good bio so one that really resonated with me was Phil Knight's Shoe Dog is the story of Nike, and I just loved how he had kind of the same. There's a lot of similarities in the two of us. Obviously I didn't create Nike, but I loved that it was a journey of one man, and it took a whole bunch of people to get to where you want to go. Well, and believe in themselves, that takes a lot arresting a business owner and spent a lot of money and I believe in myself so that was a really great book to read about true story about an entrepreneur. But Glennon Doyle is like my favourite now, I'm obsessed with her.

 

[1:04:54] Question number two, what are you currently working toward?

Oh, I'm working on my book. I'm trying to build this store in the wine country of Naramata. A little bit of licensing or learning about sharing my art with other people and opportunities, and I'm really trying to do more collaboration. So, I would love to make Kimon's like visco kimonos, or other women, like, I want to make one out if there's somebody out there who wants a custom kimono come to me it's not always about making a line so I really want to work with strong powerful women and make them their magical cape that they can wear on stage or wear at home in their house, or you know whatever sore more collaborations with awesome women.

[1:05:50] I love that I have some ideas, and I will talk about them later. Question number three, what do you love most about being a woman?

Oh, that's a tough one, I can't believe I didn't know that question was coming. What I love most about being a woman is my feminine energy. It's my ability to love. It's m heart. I cry all the time, I am very passionate, I love to nature.

[1:06:22] Question number four: What does empowerment mean to you?

It means staying true to who you are, no matter if it feels wrong. Glennon Doyle talks a lot about that inUntamed. So for me it's like, even if everyone else doesn't agree with you but you truly believe in what it is. Stand true to yourself. That's the empowerment. 

[1:06:48] Thank you so much Marina!

INSTAGRAM | @artofmarina 

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Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Levelling Up Our Leadership Skills with Sonia Grossi

Sonia is a life and leadership coach who helps ambitious women who are feeling unsure and frustrated figure out who they are and what they want.


Sonia also works with organizations to grow and develop leaders and teams to reach higher levels of impact through engagement...


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[00:59] Welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast Sonia, I am so thrilled to have you on the show! Thank you for being here. Can you share with us, in your own words, who you are and what you do?

This first thing that comes to mind, is that I am somebody who my entire life has known what I wanted. It's very easy for me to know, so I'm very ambitious but I am also very clear. I am 32, I am single and ready to mingle – depending on who it is. What I do is I'm a Leadership and Life Coach, that's one part of the work that I do, and the other part is Corporate Facilitator/Trainer so I do a lot of work in the GTA/Toronto, Ontario area. 

Basically I'm all about transformation. So what that means is I give people an experience where they can come together, feel connected, learn form each other, be vulnerable with each other. I create these spaces so that people can feel comfortable enough to go there, and that's what leads to the transformation they're seeking. In a nutshell that's what I do and how I do it.

[2:45] What I love about your story, and your journey is that it’s powerful and relatable. Walk us through your business journey: beginning, middle, and where you are today.

Before I started my business officially, I was working in corporate in different companies in Ontario, Canada. Kind of as a HR person and Training and Development Specialist – that's what I went to University for. And I started to notice, in any company that I was in, I felt – and when I say this it's both me and the organization, I'm not blaming one person or the other – but I always felt a lack of respect, I felt not being seen all the time, I felt disconnected to people, it was very competitive. You would ask for things like “can I take this course for $200, I've been here for three years?” and the answer would be “No, we don't have money in the budget for you.” So inequality, because you'd see people in other roles getting what they want; at least that's how it seemed.

I didn't want to feel the lack of respect and the lack of value any longer and the lack of integrity. This went on for a while. By the time I turned 25 years old, and I'm 32 now, I kind of had my “spiritual awakening” so to speak, where I was becoming more conscious with what was going on with me and outside of me. I didn't know who to seek to for support, I didn't have a coach, I couldn't really reach out to my family because they're very conservative Italian first generation type of thing. So I ended up working with a councillor. I remember going in and saying, “I have reached my quarter life crisis and I don't know what to do!” It was all of this stuff with the guys I was dating, my friends were being dramatic, and [the councillor] was like, “Whoa!” 

It started with my lack of boundaries, it started with, this is how I'm feeling about this, this is how it's impacting me, this is what I need. I was very passive aggressive, I didn't know how to manage my emotions. It was like going to basecamp at 25 of things that I just didn't learn as a kid/child/adolecent. So that's when I started to really uncover and really be aware of what was going on with me as a person, and also how the outside world, beyond me, was then reflecting what was going on inside of me. And that's a really tough pill to swallow. Because as much as I wanted to blame other people, you kind of have to look within the self and what's going on.

Twenty-five was my rude awakening, and also becoming more conscious at the same time. Also putting some pieces back together from my own journey. I remember what sparked the business idea for me. I had hired someone for the company to deliver a training workshop for us. She came in, we interviewed her, she was charging a lot of money, I watched one of her workshops, and I was like, “WOW! This seems really easy for her and she's very talented about this facilitation skill.” And me and her had a really good working relationship, she ended up being my mentor, I now currently work for her, we met in 2012. 

She really encouraged and inspired me to be A) Happy in my work, because I was not. I remember her saying to me one day, “It doesn't have to be so stressful, and it's okay to find work that you actually love doing.” And I was just like “Whoa. Why is nobody telling me this?” Because everyone [else around me] was like, “No just stick with it! You have a stable job, you're making good money! It's so hard to find a job in this market!” All the negative stuff people project on you. But something inside of me was saying, ‘There's got to be a way to do this, why is this so hard?” 

Fast forward… I did a few contract jobs in between, but I also started to create my own content and leveraged my own network and reached out to people telling them about what I wanted to do, and asked if there was any space in their organization for something like this? Along the way a few people helped me out. They helped me build my portfolio and build my brand, and I got payed for it, so that was pretty cool too! 

Here we are today, I am a certified coach, I work with a number of organizations. I get to work 1:1 with clients and really coach them, and really show people my message: you don't need to settle for mediocrity. You don't need to settle. I always thought I had to settle because a lot of people in my life were telling me, “This is how you should do life; this is what's expected of you; who are you to want more?” But when you go and move towards [what you really want], you realize slowly but surely, it really is possible. So that's what I teach others now.

[10:54] Knowing what you do now, what would your best advice be to your younger self, when you were just starting out?

I would say, *laughs* I think there's a lot I would say, but what comes to mind is, “Have a conversation with yourself Sonia. Hear what your younger version of yourself (pick an age) and tell her, it's going to be okay. You know what you want, and other people's opinions are based on what they already know, and they also – most often times – don't have the full awareness to be able to give you the advice or opinions that you want to hear. Nothing really good begins, unless you take charge and step out of your comfort zone and take risks.”

At that time, there was a lot of risk-averse people giving me their opinions in my life. It's just looking at being risky and going after what your real heart wants. It's okay, and it will happen with time, consistency, and commitment, and it's not going to be as hard as you think it is.

[13:45] Tell us about some of the biggest mindset challenges you’ve faced through this time. How did you overcome them?

My kryptonite mindset was money. Money was my HUGEST obstacle to all of this. I did not want to give up the stable pay cheque. I did not want to give up the perks and benefits. I was saving for a home at that point, and in terms of how I grew up that's “what you do” and what “you should do.” Me investing in things like a coach or education was really hard for me to do, because it felt like I had waited so long up until that point to find a full time job, get paid really well and start saving. I hadn't done that until I was 24/25. I would say was the biggest challenge I had. 

However, it got to a breaking point where I had one of two choices: you can hold on to this thing and find another job, but I also knew internally that even though I had the stability and it made me feel comfortable and safe, I also knew that even though I was saving money, I didn't actually want to buy a house anyways. So what do I actually do with that money? I had some chunk of change behind my belt now, and I actually ended up quitting my job without a job – which is something I was not trained or taught to do – and I started investing in a coach and going back to school, and continued to do that.

I think the way I overcame it was, I had to ask my question: “If I don't want this thing (the house), what could I do with this money instead?” So I had to look at then, what is MY vision? What are MY goals? What intrinsically do I value? And education was the thing. And it started to pay off! I actually started seeing results! It's a little bit of surrender, it's a little bit of letting go of the fear around money, and that “I won't make it back,” or “I won't make enough” and letting go of that story. And even though you may think you have stability, it's never actually certain. Nothing in our life is actually certain.

[17:05] How has letting go of judgement allowed you to make more money in your business?

Two things: Letting go of judgement with YOURSELF and the judgements of OTHERS. I would say, I had a big fear of rejection, that was probably one of my big ones. I didn't want to do a training and then people have bad reviews about it. I didn't want to coach anyone because I didn't want to know if nothing was happening. There were all these tapes in my head about being rejected in some way. But when I worked with my first coach in 2016, she actually supported me in sharing her story about [rejection]. She had a client hang up on her when she first started coaching because he wanted nothing to do with her. So it was listening to other peoples “failures” and they didn't perceive it as a failure because they said, “this is what happened, and this is what I learned.” 

It was changing my mindset around: I can still fail, I can learn something from it, and I can be better! Which made me more risky I would say, and yeah, I failed A LOT when I first started. I did have the bad reviews, but it taught me SO MUCH about myself, about my impact, about how to improve. [Eventually] you get to a point where you have to let go to the voice that tells you not to do x, y, z, because that voice doesn't serve my Higher Self. 

The biggest thing for that is aligning yourself with people who are willing to share their successes and failures, that is a beautiful gift and experience. 

[20:15] For the listeners who are facing struggles with creating and maintaining boundaries, what are your best tips for overcoming this challenge?

It depends where each person is at this this. So if I look at a point in my life and in my journey where I had zero to none when it came to boundaries. I kind of had to do an inventory of what were something or who were some of the people that were taking up my time, and what was draining my energy? What activities or people in my day was draining my energy or taking up too much time? Who was expecting me to do things that I didn't really want to do, and felt obligated to do. So it was doing an inventory first. What's really going on outside of you, and how you're really feeling about it. That's number one. And you'll be surprised of how much stuff you're doing that you don't want to do, and write that out form 1 to whatever. 

For example: I used to be the person who would drive my friends because they didn't have a car. I would be the designated driver, I'd have to pay for parking, and I hated it. It was not an enjoyable experience. 

Taking inventory of all of that stuff, personal and work related. The second phase is start saying “no.” Don't even explain yourself. Don't apologize, don't explain, don't over extend. “I don't want to do this, thank you so much for thinking of me.” Those would be my first two tips. Inventory and start saying no to things you don't want to do. 

You'll probably experience people, not liking your “no's” because you probably haven't been saying no to them for a very long time. So it's a new experience for them. So just know depending on how people react to your new found “no's” that it's a new experience for them, and also know that the people that are meant to be in your life, professionally and personally, they will learn to respect what it is you need and then honour you as a person.

[22:24] You coach leaders to engage leaders. What are some key characteristics of a great leader?

I would say INTEGRITY is probably one. Integrity to me is “this is what I say, this is what I believe, this is how I feel, and I'm going to be transparent about it.” And I actually walk the talk. It comes out through my behaviour as well. I don't just have ‘lip service' I actually live that way as well. 

The other thing I think a great leader really has is OPEN COMMUNICATION. Always wanting to talk about what is going on with the people they lead or with their friends, whoever. They're always open to having a conversation about what's going on. 

VULNERABILITY would be another one. When I go into a corporate room and do a training, the amount of barriers and people with their guards up – rightfully so – this is not a judgment on them at all. I'm usually a new external outside person and people are [wondering who I am], the walls and the guards are up. Sometimes the only way I can break that is if I show up vulnerably. So vulnerably gives other people permission to be themselves and to feel like they belong. Sometimes in leadership I see that's a missed mark for a lot of people because they feel like they can't be vulnerable. They don't want to share too many things, they don't want to talk about their feelings, and so there's a lot of stuff going on in that. But when we learn to be comfortable with you we are – flaws and all – and we can come from that place with other people, it releases tension with our relationships and people are [relieved to be with] a really person, “it's like a gift!” 

Then there's the corporate-y stuff, like making good decisions and delegating, but I truly believe it comes to who you're being as a human and what your impact is on other people. Start to learn about what you impact is with other people. How are they responding to you? What does their body language say when you walk into a room? You've got to pay attention to these things because it will show you who you're being, just as a person in a room. So really looking at what your impact is and maybe unintended impact. Sometimes we do things that we aren't aware of and we don't intentionally mean to do it but it comes perceived a certain way from others, so look at that stuff as well. I guess that solution to that would be, ask for feedback. Constantly ask the people for feedback with how you show up. And it will really help.

[28:29] How can we Up-Level our leadership skills?

The first thing is start asking the people in your life for feedback. Get comfortable with feedback, get comfortable with “constructive criticism.” You want to design how you receive feedback. You actually have permission to design with anyone.

Ex. “I would like some feedback of how I'm showing up, or how I did on this presentation?” Or whatever the scenario is. “And here's how I would like the feedback: I would like to know what I did really well, what you noticed about what I did really well, and I would also like to know, what could I improve?” and you're allowed to ask for both, because both will give you some really good information on what you need to improve and what you're really good at. That would be number one: ask for feedback. 

The second thing is start looking at the professional, and even personal, relationships you have, and take a look at how you want to deepen those relationships. Look at the inventory of where that relationship is at, and ask how you can you deepen those relationships? Because what happens when we build really trusted, aligned, intuitive, feel good relationships – professionally and personally – that support network that you grow and develop and nurture, it helps you out so wonderfully! It will bring you access to opportunities that you didn't even know were possible. Leading you to have more impact in the world. 

Invest in yourself. Whether it's investing in your self care, investing in a course, investing in a coach, whether it's investing in a trip that you've always wanted to do. Invest in yourself. I've never really be disappoint in anything I've invested in professionally or personally.

[31:08] What are core values and why are they so important?

Core Values are basically like qualities that each person really, really respects and admires in a sense. Every person on the planet has a different set of core values, and even though maybe my top 5 are the same as someone else's, I may actually value them differently than that person and it also might have a different meaning to me than that person. For example, one of my top two values are connection and community. So when I am in spaces where I feel like I am part of a community. I know I am most alive and I thrive in those two environments. When I am not honouring those values, for example, and I am choosing different things outside of community and connection, whatever that might be, I don't actually feel as good as a human. 

What I always encourage people to do is find out, “what is most important to you, really?” Is it: balance, alignment, respect, honesty, transparency, integrity? What are those things that are really import to you? How you can usually identify that, is what in your life is making you frustrated? And what in your life is creating a lot of joy? So usually when there are experiences in your life where you are feeling a lot of joy, or you're feeling happy and fulfilled, you're most likely honouring a ton of values. And on the flip side, when things are making you angry, irritated, frustrated, annoyed, there's usually things going on that you're not honouring in terms of your values. 

So it's like you're actually making other choices. So basically, in a nutshell: values lead us to live a fulfilled and happy life, it does not mean that life is going to be easy because we are honouring our values, it just means that we will be more fulfilled. And it's like a guiding post to what choices we can be making for ourselves to feel good each and every day. 

With anyone who is new to values work, it's going to be a lot of exploration in the beginning for sure.

[36:21] Can you teach us how to discover what our core values are? How can we start this process in the next 24 hours?

There's one of two ways, I'll give the short versions of each way. 

The first one is “Peak Experience.” Basically, what you want to do is think about a time in your life, could be from a memory when you were five, or it could be as recent as today, for example. But a time in your life when you felt the most alive, the most joy, the most happy, and it's an experience, a moment in your life when you felt all these things. And create that picture of what was going on, who was around you, what did it feel like? What were you doing? So for me when I did that exercise it was my 19th birthday and I realized things like: celebration, there were 18 people there and it was a large group of friends, I remember it feeling really easy. I didn't have to pull teeth or beg or ask people to pitch in, it was just very easy and flowing experience. So some of the values that showed up were kind of the things that I just said: “flow, celebration, leadership, easy.” You'll want to start picking up some values that were present in that experience in my life. Pick out some of these words that you see in that moment, or that experience, and look at “how do I make choices moving forward to honour more of those values in my life?” And get creative and explore.

The second thing I would say, is the inventory piece. Take a look at, in the last few months, what were some things that I felt really good about? And what were some things that didn't feel so good? So you said that when quarantine happened you couldn't travel anymore, so your value of travel wasn't being honoured anymore. But then you found creative ways to honour it in a new, different way like adventure, and new uncharted territory like in your own backyard kind of thing. So you want to look at both ends of the spectrum, what has felt really good and what has not felt really good? And pick out things within both of those things are either being honoured or not honoured and make that list. And then again, you want to start making choices that then honour those things that you really like.

[39:30] Typically with our top core values, we try to bring them into the top five. Can those five values change over time?

Yes, the most certainly can. So basically based on where you're at in your life, what's going on, what stage you're at, who you're surrounding yourself with, they will definitely change over time. I feel like there isn't one person's who's values won't change over time. So you have to pay attention. It's like right now I'm going through the phase of transition. There is stuff going on internally with me, and it's like “wow, things that I used to care about, I actually don't care about as much any more, I care about different things.” And that's a really cool realization to kind of have and experience, and we get so tied and attached to who we use to be. We don't want to give it up but we're changing, we're evolving, we're learning, we're unlearning.

[41:04] What are the best ways we can honour our core values?

#1: Definitely knowing what they are.

#2: Noticing where they're showing up and where they're not showing up. As an example: there have been some recent acquaintances in my life that I've aligned myself in the last few years and I'm noticing, because I have a high value for things like integrity and transparency. So when I'm with someone I know who isn't being transparent or who is out of integrity with me, it really bothers me. So I have a few choices: I can say something to the person, “Hey, I'm kind of sensing you're not really being honest with me right now, what would you say about that?” I could call it out. OR I could make another choice. I could choose to not worry or care so much as I was before, I can limit my time with that person. I could limit my time with the people who don't have that stronger value within them. 

So you want to start noticing where these values are showing up and where they're not. Each and every day is not going to be 100% honouring all your values, I think that's humanly impossible, but you do want to make choices as much as you can to have more consistency of honouring your values each and every day. So it's like, “Sure I could spend 40% of my time worrying about the friend that';s not as transparent as me, OR I could take back some of that time and use it and spend it with people who do have the same values as me and I'll feel a lot better to be honest.

[44:44] Sonia, thank you so much for being a part of the Women’s Empowerment Podcast. Before we wrap up with the final segment, let us know where we can find you, follow you, and how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM | @inspiredbysonia

FACEBOOK | Sonia Grossi

LINKEDIN | Sonia Grossi (wearing a red, professional shirt)

WEBSITE | www.SoniaGrossi.com

To support me in my business, I'm usually doing webinars or trainings where I'm talking about a specific topic like values for example, or boundaries, or different leadership topics. So you can join me on any one of those!

RAPID FIRE ROUND:

[46:24] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?

Currently Reading: Me and White Supremacy by Layla F Saad

[47:05] What are you currently working toward?

I am working towards not working so much, and being more of a human rather than being a human that always has to do things.

[47:31] What do you love most about being a woman?

I love being sexy. Like honestly I think women have this power that either realized or not, we have so much power as a woman out there in the world. For me it's this sexy feminine, knows what she wants go getter clarity, it's almost like, there's so much power beyond me physically that I can harness at my disposal. So it's kind of like an energetic thing. And it's almost really easy like a magnet. Like I can magnetize certain people or opportunities to me, using my femininely and woman-ness and it's really really cool.

[48:47] What does empowerment mean to you?

Yes. Empower I feel is like, feeling really really good about doing something. It's not from a place of “I should do this/I need to do this/ugghh” it's not that feeling. It's like “wow I feel so supported! I feel so good! I feel so inspired! I actually feel motivated to move forward.” Right. It's almost like having your cup filled up completely, and taking action from that place.

 
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Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E93: What No One Tells You About Your Anger & Aggression
 
 

E93: What No One Tells You About Your Anger & Aggression

If you've been feeling angry lately, you are not alone? This podcast episode is all about leaning into your feelings of anger and aggression so that you can heal and move forward...


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[00:23] Hello!!! Welcome back, I’m your host Valerie LaVigne recording this podcast episode from the beautiful and sunny southern ontario. Yes it does get very hot and sunny in a lot of parts of Canada and this summer has been particularly hot and steamy. And I’m not just talking about the scorching temperatures either!

 

It’s been weeks, months, and for many years of pain and anger surfacing. Through my meditation practice I’ve been noticing my own anger and aggression reach high boiling points. At times I’ve felt overwhelmingly impatient and frustrated with information and experiences over the last few months – some of what’s come up for me has been years of holding onto anger and pain. As someone who has spent a lot of time in personal development and personal observation, this has been a very interesting time of growth and exploration. 

I’ve been feeling a lot of discomfort, a lot of hurt, a lot of holding on, and a lot of surrender as well. 

There was a time where I thought being angry was a bad thing. I believed that I wasn’t allowed to feel angry and that those emotions had to be shut down immediately. I was taught to see the best in every situation, to look for something positive, to move past the pain. 

[2:02] What I was inadvertently doing was suppressing my anger and frustration. And do you know what’s worse than feeling angry? It’s holding on to that anger. It’s letting those emotions fester inside and eat away at you slowly. Basically, it’s not healthy.

When I noticed my recent feelings of anger and aggression begin to surface I became more angry because I “didn’t want to deal” with these feelings at the time. But I knew pushing them away wouldn’t help, so instead I decided to lean in and feel my anger. To allow my aggression to come up and out. 

The more I leaned in the angrier I got. My skin burned, my  head throbbed, my jaw felt tight. There was so much resistance to fully meeting my emotions, but I just kept leaning in and hurting. I began massaging my temples, jaw and face firmly with my finger tips. My breathing changed and I was forcing hot air out of my nose and mouth. Deep sighs, big tears, it all came out. Sounds, sounds came out too. Cries and yells. I buried my face into a pillow and then hit it with my fists. 

I did this until I exhausted myself. Letting out all the feels left me feeling tired and a bit numb. Almost like I had nothing else to cry. No more fight left in me. But as I lay there puffy eyed and tired, I felt a deep sense of healing. Like the release was a confirmation that my shadow self was being heard. Like my pain was finally being seen and met. Because I gave space for the anger, the grief, the hurt, the heaviness. I held myself in that space longer. Long enough to feel the deepest pains of all. The ones I had been suppressing. 

[4:32] When we give space to our emotions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, we allow deep healing, we make room for our souls to grow and expand. The power of this journey through our emotions doesn’t come from seeing the silver lining, it comes by our self-connection, self-exploration. 

Our spirituality doesn't mean always seeing the rainbows and stars, it’s about experiencing the storms so that the rainbow can appear. It’s about stepping into the darkness so that the stars can shine.

This shadow work and healing is ugly and it’s tough. Most people avoid the work. Don’t be like most people. And if you’re listening to this and currently going through your own work, know that it gets harder, and it gets easier. Be gentle with yourself. You are healing, and growing as humans do.

[5:55] Now we cannot always hold space for our anger as it appears in the exact moment. Sometimes the timing is inappropriate and we need to be in a safe environment so that we can lean in and heal vs. self destruct. Which is why I’d like to teach you a tool I’ve used for over a decade when I feel angry and aggressive. 

When you start to experience the feelings, notice them and say outloud or to yourself: I feel angry, or however you’re feeling. Note that you are calling out how you feel, not what you are. You are not your emotions, you are not your anger. You feelthese emotions.

Then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Visualize your emotions of anger and/or aggression as steam. Like in the cartoons, the steam comes out of the cartoons ears or nostrils. You can feel the steam doing the same if you like.

Now think about how we use steam in the everyday world. Where have you seen steam in your life?

  • It comes out of a hot kettle, it’s used to fuel machines like trains and ships.

  • Steam can be found in spas and home showers, off cookies freshly baked from the oven.

  • The steam from the cookies is information to our bodies that this food is too hot to eat. If we follow this information we can wait for the cookies to cool so we can eat them without burning our tongues. The steam from the kettle or cup of coffee or tea is the same. Information that tells us, don’t drink just yet.

  • Steam that fuels trains has been harnessed to make the engine move. To pull thousands of tons of weight across countries.

  • Steam in spas and showers are cleansing, relaxing, and detoxifying.

Now bring your awareness back to the vision of steam representing your anger. What information is this giving you? How can you use the steam and feelings to move forward? What do you need to cleanse or release? 

[8:48] This visualization practice helps us do three things:

The first thing is, it helps us separate ourselves from our emotions. We are ourselves, the anger is the steam. 

The second thing this practice helps us do is begin to release those emotions by seeing the steam move OUT of the nostrils and ears.

And finally, this visualization practice gets us to ask the necessary questions so that we can make helpful decisions to support our growth and healing. It helps us recognize our anger as something helpful rather than something hurtful. Remember, it’s only hurtful to us if we HOLD IT IN, or if we REACT to a situation without reading the information. We could burn ourselves by reacting to our anger, or burn someone else, or we could use that information to wait, and make a more emotionally intelligent decision or response.

Remember that this visualization practice is the beginning or introduction to much deeper work. Deep seeded anger does not come out so easily. Notice if your visualization practice shows you something else. Notice if the steam is a specific colour, or if it changes forms. Notice other parts of your physical body. Are you clenching your fists? Are you tightening your face or jaw? Is there pain in your abdomen or a closed feeling in your chest? Just like the steam from the hot tea, these other physical responses are information from your body. You can take a mental note of them and meditate on these areas for more information, or you can begin a journaling or movement practice to help move and shift the energy so that it can release also. 

[10:50] It’s a process. Remember that. I’ll say it again, be gentle with yourself. Your soul is expanding. You are learning, you are growing. You are beautiful in all the stages of your life and growth.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: The Power of Positivity & Building Social Engagement
 
 

BONUS: The Power of Positivity & Building Social Engagement with Ingrid Deon

Today I get to share this intimate, motivation, and educational chat with Ingrid Deon, your social media expert...


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00:45] Welcome Ingrid! Ingrid started her career as a journalist and worked at CBC Radio as well as several newspapers. In 2015, she made the jump to social media and was Manager of Social Engagement at a digital marketing agency in Halifax and Toronto.

She started her own business in October 2019 and has worked with clients such as Nestlé Canada, Manulife Bank and Cove Kombucha.

Ingrid! Welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Thank you for joining us on the show today. I’m so excited for us to discuss positive mindset and building social engagement! 

Before we get into today’s questions. Tell us more about your very empowering story: from single mother living under the poverty line, to financial and occupational freedom as an entrepreneur!

Back in 2009 Ingrid had her son. When he was three years old, Ingrid's husband of 10 years, up and left. It sounds sad, but Ingrid turned it into a positive. At the time that he left, Ingrid was working a seasonal job at a museum and wasn't making a lot of money. She knew she had to start doing something to keep a roof over her and her son's head. So she hustled.

She got a year round job and also started side projects to make more money. Ingrid is a knitter and she would sell her knitting patterns and also some of her knitting creations. Because she lives in rural Nova Scotia, Canada it was hard to come by journalism jobs so she had to work at the museum and side hustle a bit.

Eventually she got an interview in Halifax at a digital agency, about a three hour drive from where she was. At the interview she told them, “in an ideal world, I would work from home and drive in 1 day a week.” This was so that she could be at home with her son. The job was for copywriting and social media coordinator when she first started, and they agreed!

She took the job and learned tons about digital marketing, became the manager of Social Media of Halifax and Toronto and climbed the ranks of the company. After a while she was seeing how much the company was charging the clients, verses how much she was actually making form all her work, she thought that she could do this on her own.

One of her best clients, Nestle Canada, really like her and followed her when she went off on her own. Her business grew, and she has now reached a point where she is turning away people so she wants to scale her business so that she can hire people out to help her.

[5:49] It is clear that seeing the positive in everything is a strength/super power of yours. For the times that everything feels really tough, and for when we’re struggling with a negative mindset, what are your best tips for overcoming this struggle?

When her ex-husband left, Ingrid felt totally blindsided. It was really, really hard. A few days after he left, her best friend came over and she said, “we're going to make a list of all the good things that could come from this.” So they did and making this list cheered Ingrid up so much! From tiny things like ripping up an ugly carpet, to bigger things!

Ingrid loves making lists, and found that this was so helpful to her. Ever since then, whenever something tough is happening or she's feeling down, she spins it into a positive. It's similar to a gratitude list or a gratitude journal. Even if it's a mental list of what you're grateful for and what good can come out of the situation.

[9:50] How can we avoid falling into or getting caught up in negative mindset traps?

Putting a positive spin on whatever low moment you're in. Sometimes presenting it to someone else can help you see the positive that maybe you're having a hard time recognizing in the moment.

Ingrid doesn't worry any more because it's a complete waste of energy, but when her son worries, she asks him, “okay what's the worst thing that could happen? And what are you going to do if that happens?” Then you've addressed the worst case scenario and you also know what you're going to do about it, and that's her way of dealing with avoiding getting caught in the mindset trap.

[11:58] Do you have any daily routines or healthy habits that you do every day? Can you share behind the scenes of what they are?

Ingrid finds that making stuff puts her in the right kind of mindset. She can knit while on a call and there's a satisfying sense of accomplishment with knitting. She gets the same sense of accomplishment with cooking and baking and it cheers her up. Her big self care routine is making stuff.

[14:04] For someone who is feeling like they’re at rock bottom, but ready to make a powerful mindset shift, what words of wisdom would you give them for turning things around?

Write lists of small things to feel better about yourself. Small things that will make you feel better that you can do could really help you turn things around. Keep the list somewhere you can see it and take action on the list to make you feel better.

 

Business & Social Media
You give excellent business advice as well. Let’s switch gears here and chat about business and social media. The business you’ve built for yourself today helps other businesses. 

[17:02] First of all, tell us about your business and it’s name! How do you help businesses and why did you choose the name “Word Craft”?

Like she mentioned, Ingrid is crafty. Her business doesn't have to do with crafting, but it's a huge part of who she is. Also, writing is also kind of like a craft. Word, is because she's crazy about words and grammar. So she put the two together!

Word Craft helps businesses, of all sizes, that are struggling with their social media create a plan based on their goals.

[18:56] Let’s talk about social media engagement! What does that mean? Why is it important for our businesses?

On a basic level, engagement is: likes, comments, shares, clicks, etc.

The various algorithms on social media platforms all really prioritize engagement. If Facebook, instagram, or linked in or whatever it is sees that your post is getting a lot of engagement, the algorithm will send it out and show it to more people. Ultimately if you want more people to see you, your goal should be to build your engagement. 

[20:20] What are some best practices for building engagement on social media? Walk us through the steps.

#1. Having a Call to Action on your posts.
You're telling your audience what to do. You can put this into the actual copy of the post.
Examples: double tap if you agree, send this to a friend who would find this helpful, send me a dm with your thoughts.
And every time they take this action, the algorithm notes that this post is “engage-worthy” so we should make more people see it.

#2. Proactive Engagement
Social media is a two way street, you want to engage on peoples posts, not JUST have people engage on your own. It could be five or ten pages where you write a meaningful comment on their post. Whatever you can manage, because every little bit helps.

[22:34] How can we convert an instagram follower into a new customer or client?

Make sure you're always thinking about your ideal customer and putting yourself in their shoes when you're creating content. Have a clear plan, post consistently, post with purpose. Use content pillars, themes or buckets to help you map out your content and map them up with your goals. 

[24:22] In terms of our Call to Action on our posts, are we doing this on every posts?

You could put it on every post, you want to use them often, but you don't always have to use them. There isn't a rule, but they can get old if you have too many. Make the call to action meaningful to you, your business, and also for your ideal customer.

HOT TIP:For Contests, ask a meaningful question for your contest and the comment is the answer to your question. It's easy and it's free market research and it build engagement. 

[30:53] Hashtags: Do you have any tips, tricks, or hacks to simplify the hashtag strategy?

You can use up to 30 hashtags per post, and you can use them all if you want, but there has been some research that says you can use 9-12 to get the most engagement. Have a mix between relevant to industry and to your ideal customer, as well as “niche” hundreds to thousands of times, and “high performance” hashtags that have been used millions of times. 

Different hashtags for each type of post. Experiment with groups/sets of hashtags based on your content pillars. Use those a few times and check your insights to see how many people are coming to your post via your hashtags. The sets that are performing the best, those sets are good! The ones that don't have a lot of impressions via hashtags aren't doing well and you can change those and experiment with them.

[35:27] Is there anything else we need to know before we start putting these actions into practice?

Have a plan. Decide what your goals are for your social media and have a plan for those goals. Figure out your call to action and how often you're going to use them. Be intentional, Be mindful. Post consistently and post with purpose. Once you have a plan you can start to implement your proactive engagement and your hashtags and engagement strategy. Build relationships. Social media is about being social.

 

Listener Questions

[37:45] Candice asks: How to make social media a positive tool for business and self?

They key is to not let it make you crazy. Create boundaries for your social media.

For your business have a plan and know why you're even on social media. Leverage social media rather than just being on social media.

[40:34] Josh asks: If you would invent a new social media platform, what would it be like?

Ingrid loves the visual aspect of Instagram and used to use Flickr all the time it was more popular. She also likes the connections on LinkedIn and it seems like people are more excited to engage on LinkedIn.

[43:53] Where can we find you, where can we follow you, how can we support your business?

INSTAGRAM | @wordcraftingrid

FACEBOOK | wordcraftingrid

LINKEDIN | Ingrid Deon

WEBSITE | www.word-craft.ca

Rapid Fire Round

[45:45] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?

BOOK: The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton

BOOK: Building a Story Brand by Donald Miller

[46:45] What are you currently working toward?

Ingrid is working toward hiring someone to help her with her growing business and workload!

[47:56] What do you love most about being a woman?

Pretty dresses! There's nothing like wearing a cute dress! It makes Ingrid feel good, it's fun, and it looks nice!

[48:38] What does empowerment mean to you?

It's doing things for myself. Ingrid comes from a long line of empowered women and shares this beautiful story of her grandmother's leadership and empowerment. 

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E91: These 3 Mistakes are Holding Us Back from our Creativity
 
 

E91: These 3 Mistakes are Holding Us Back from our Creativity

There have been a lot of ups and downs creating and maintaining the show, but I receive some incredible messages and emails about how the podcast has inspired the listeners and positively impacted people, and I have to say it is what keeps me creating this show. Thank you so much for listening, for reaching out to me through the site, and for connecting. I am incredibly grateful for each of you…


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[1:07] My intention for today’s episode is to inspire and uplift your creative muscles! Lately I’ve been noticing my own creativity and inspiration move through extreme waves. I feel a burst of energy and ideas one week, and then it feels as if everything deflates or disappears the next week.

I reached out to friends and colleagues for solutions and support and was quickly reminded that this is part of the creative process, and that we’re all experiencing these waves in our lives and in our businesses.

As I was journaling about my experience I found this piece I wrote almost three years ago:

“There are days where I feel as though I was born to create. This feeling is a combination of thought and movement, mind and body. It feels as if my physical form is being taken over by a creative spirit. Or an inspired energy is being downloaded into my mind, and everything I think that I know, all my fears and doubts, all of that surrenders to this burst of creativity and I flow with it.

When I let go of my need to control I become a vessel for creativity. I feel no panic or pain, and I feel no resistance. I am moved and molded into any and every form until the thing that wants to be crafted is created. But there are times when my need for control gets in the way of creativity.

It’s almost as though I want to create something so desperately that I no longer become a clear channel for this creative spirit.” 

Reading this calmed me. I know that I am a creative being, we all are, in our own unique ways. All we have to do is slow down and step back, and return to our innate power, rather than try to control the experience.

In my own experiences and teachings I have noticed three mistakes we often make that block our creativity. Today I am sharing those three mistakes, as well as creative solutions to avoid and overcome them. Cuz you know me, I’m all about solutions!

[3:38] Mistake Number One: COMPARING

With more and more people online and creating content, it’s so much easier to fall into the comparison trap! Instagram is the highlight reel people! Even I need to be reminded of this sometimes.

As a business owner and content creator, I know how much effort goes into curating the instagram feed, and showing up in stories, responding to dms and emails. Producing a weekly podcast, serving current customers, finding new customers, and putting together a really beautiful website and everything else that goes along with it!

It’s a lot of work, and most people only see the flashy frontend of a business. They don’t see the blood, the sweat, and the tears of the backend hustle, grind, and grit.

Comparing the backend of your business, or life to someone’s front end of their business, is exhausting and a waste of time and energy. It is hurtful to your spirit and it’s the number one mistake we make when it comes to channeling our creativity.

Here’s the creative solution:
The next time you find yourself comparing your programs, instagram page, work, or even your life to someone else's' – don’t.

You can’t compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s produced work. Know that their finished product took time, effort, money, coaches, discipline, failures, mistakes, and so much more to get them where they are today, we just don’t see that part of their business (or life) all the time.

Focus on where you are at in YOUR journey, and the inspired action steps you can take to move forward.

Another creative solution for avoiding this trap is to create BEFORE you consume. Avoid podcasts, social media, even reading before you start creating your program, instagram post, podcast episode, etc. Your creative channel is open and coming from you, not your mind trying to keep up with everything it just absorbed after 30 minutes of reading or scrolling.

You can also create after a movement practice. Yoga, working out, dance breaks are all really great ways to move stale energy in your body and get the creative juices flowing!

 

[5:58] The second mistake we make that blocks our creativity is: COMPETING

My dad used to tell me, “There are no original ideas. The only difference between the people with the same ideas, is one person will follow through with that idea, and the other person won’t. You can choose which person you want to be.”

Elizabeth Gilbert shares an experience in her book, Big Magic, about an idea she had for a book that she put aside and months later another author/friend of hers came out with an almost identical novel to her idea. She describes it as a creative idea that left her body and went into the other person’s because the idea wasn’t being born from Elizabeth so it decided to move to someone else.

Trying to compete with another person holds us back from taking action. We’re so busy worrying about another coach, another business owner and all the things they are doing and offering, that we aren’t creating our own offers. We start to show up desperate and anxious, that we completely forget about our core values!

Honour those ideas by creating an inspiring action plan and then take action.

A creative solution to stop competition is:

When you feel the need to compete with someone else in your industry – don’t. It doesn’t matter how similar your ideas are, you are not the same people and you both have different strengths and styles.

Remember that you are unique in your own way. You might have a similar idea or offer, but the way you share it and serve your clients is special because it’s coming from YOU!

I am a yoga and pilates teacher. Do you know how many yoga and pilates teachers there are in the Greater Toronto Area?!? A LOT! I don’t waste any time competing with them because I’m focused on my own style and showing up as MYSELF, and not trying to be or keep up with anyone else.

Creative solution number two: let go of judgment and hold up a mirror. In episode 44 I talk about a judgement detox that I use and teach. It’s all about releasing the negative thoughts or comments about someone and instead seeing them as a mirror to ourselves.

Now when I see a similar wellness leader in the industry showing up in a really big and powerful way; making waves; taking leaps; doing really awesome work, I applaud them. Because what I see in them, is also what I see in myself. I see their grit, I see their perseverance, I see their passion. I also see my own grit, perseverance, and passion.

E44: This Judgement Detox will Blow Your Mind

I actually have three creative solutions for this mistake. The third is: invite your competition to collaborate with you. A lot of my friends work in the same or similar industry as I do. They have their own stories (possibly similar) ideas, and a skill set that might be different from mine. Instead of competing with them, I invite them to collaborate with me. This way we can work together to help more people with their lifestyle and health goals.

Always always always remember that there is someone out there waiting for YOU. They are waiting for your message, your story, your voice. They want your energy, wisdom, and your taking on an idea. What are YOU waiting for?

[10:27] The third mistake we make that holds us back from our creativity is: COMPLAINING

I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t do this. YIKES! And out of all three mistakes, I see this one the most. Complaining can feel sooooo easy, but if we spent as much time creating as we did complaining, or worrying, or overthinking, we would have a lot less to complain about.

Complaining is exhausting; it’s a major waste of your creative energy.

So let’s cut straight to the creative solutions instead of complaining about how bad complaining is…

The next time you catch yourself complaining about something – stop!

Bring yourself back to why you started working on your projects. Come back to your core values. Centre yourself on what is important to you. Make a list of everything you are grateful for in your life right now. There are so many other things we can do than complain. I’ve actually created a list of empowering questions we can ask ourselves and I’ve included it as today’s freebie! Get your list of empowering questions with the yellow button below.

Another solution, or possibly it’s a tool for measuring how often we complain is something I learned back in high school. Put a stretchy band or bracelet on your wrist – something you can take off and put on easily. Start with the bang on your right wrist. Each time you catch yourself complaining, move the bracelet from the right wrist to the left. If you complain again, move the bracelet back to the right wrist, and so on.

Doing this helps bring awareness to how often you complain and eventually you’ll get in the habit of thinking before you complain out loud. You will also notice when, what, and with whom you complain.

[13:41] Now, when you find yourself searching for creativity, notice which of the three big mistakes you are making. Consider the solutions I outlined, and choose the best one for you! Remember to take action on your plan. Even if the plan is to incorporate more self care into your daily routine!

Remember to grab your list of empowering questions and take your time as you journal your responses!

 

Download the FREE List of Empowering Questions

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Tapping into the Unconscious Mind to Manifest Dreams and Avoid Burnout
 
 

BONUS: Tapping into the Unconscious Mind to Manifest Dreams and Avoid Burnout with Shirley Zhou

Today I am super excited to introduce Shirley Zhou the Co-founder of The Burnout Clinic, Shirley Zhou empowers women entrepreneurs under high pressure to achieve work-life harmony and live their joy!


At The Burnout Clinic, she uses therapeutic interventions to address mid to late-stage burnout...


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The Burnout Clinic 

[1:20] Shirley! Thank you so much for joining me today for another incredible bonus episode, I am so happy to have you here! For those listening who don’t know you yet, tell us about yourself, and your journey to finding and creating meaningful work.

Journey started off when Shirley was in school for Child and Youth Care, when she was learning about burnout and self care because it is very predominant in the field. However little did she expect that she would be experiencing burnout. A lot of times it's when we're so passionate about what we do. For Shirley she has always followed her dreams and built careers on her passions and what she loves. While following her dreams she was recognizing patterns of burnout.

The Burnout Clinic understands that burnout is a systemic problem that is more prevalent, especially as technology advances, the world is moving quicker and demanding more. At the Burnout Clinic they work at helping individuals recognize it and change the way that we work so that it's more empowering.

[3:00] Tell us more about the unique methodology and approach you use on your clients, and why it’s so impactful?

The Burnout Clinic has two approaches. The first is a 2-day therapeutic intervention in Belize, and the second is 1:1 coaching to learn tools to help you move forward.

The 2-Day Breakthrough is a deep dive into your unconscious and understanding the root cause of your burnout. The first day is an intensive session with several questions to uncover current problems in all areas of life. From these stories and experiences, we look for patterns and see which limiting beliefs are so deeply rooted and connected into each of these areas of life. Once we release this, there is usually an overwhelming release of emotions.

On the second day is where mental and 5 base emotional release are done (anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and guilt).

Coaching can be an add on or a separate method. Some will need coaching or help with accountability, and the life moving forward could need support to move forward.

[7:36] Who would benefit most from the services you offer?

2-day Breakthrough: Anyone at rock bottom. 
Examples: Someone experiencing a recent divorce; anyone who's imposture syndrome has stopped them from taking action; someone who's anxiety is impeding their life; when a person is really fed up and has noticed patterns repeating and health/relationships/or career has come to a halt.

For coaching, it's more for anyone who is mildly impacted by their unconscious mind, or their limiting beliefs, or their emotions.

[9:15] Let's say we're not sure which category we fall in, but we know we need help. Where do we start? How do we work with you?

You can book a free consultation on the website: www.TheBurnoutClinic.com 

Most limiting beliefs are because of internal conflicts and most of these can be released within a 30 minute coaching session.

[10:44] This is more of a personal question, but since I learned this information I’ve been dying to ask you! What was it like to trek to the base camp of Mount Everest!?

Shirley describes herself as a very curious person by nature, and soon discovered that this experience was a learning lesson as well. She hikes and portages regularly in Ontario, Canada and was excited to climb with her friend.

Within a few days she was experience negative side effects of the altitude sickness medication, along with other elements of the hike. One of the reasons Shirley likes to challenge herself and why she went for the journey because she knows that when you're alone and putting one foot in front of the other, you don't have anyone else aside from you and your thoughts. She would ask, “how do I break my mental self down… and then to pick myself up?” She would grow so much more form these experiences, looking for the next mountain to climb.

[13:07] Talk about mental strength and a healthy mindset! What were the thoughts going through your mind, and how did you overcome the mental and physical challenge?

Before you even start trekking you have to take the shortest and most dangerous runways in the world and the plane needs to land there and you start there. So it's an exciting adventure! In the beginning you'll notice your body starting to get sore, and it's easy to encourage yourself to move forward and keep one foot in front of the other. 

The next day you do it all again and this is where you have to work on your perseverance and the mental challenge and requirement comes into play. As you start getting higher in altitude it starts getting harder to breathe and this is where you have to be more gentle with yourself. Taking breaks before you need the break, and being okay with that, even if everyone else is sprinting ahead. Listen to your own judgements to yourself and stop comparing yourself to others because this self talk doesn't serve you.

Around day four or five Shirley broke down. It was cold at night and she was just with herself thinking “shit, what did you sign yourself up for!?” You might have a little panic and break down and cry like Shirley did, but she found her mental cheerleader and after her release she picked herself back up and brought awareness to what cheers her on and keeps her motivated to go the distance.

[17:35] How is it that some people can challenge themselves with these incredible climbs and go through this mental and physical challenge, yet when they're faced with starting their own business, or another example that is a lot less life-threatening, how do they overcome those stuck spots?

A lot of it is fear. When we're not taking action, it's based from fear. Our thoughts that we're aware of are in our conscious mind, but the root perpetuating it comes form our unconscious mind, that might be coming from a childhood or past experience. We all want to avoid anything that is painful. It doesn't have to be physically painful, but thinking of all of the parts involved in building a business, or making any change to happen, there is a lot involved.

There are four requisites of change:

#1. The Release Work: releasing the fears, limiting beliefs, negative emotions

#2. Set Your Goal: that is supported by your unconscious mind so that you remove the self-sabotage.

#3. Take Action: when we don't take action, it's because it goes back to the fear; what root is holding us back?

#5. The Focus: understand where you're putting you focus so that you can reach your goal

[20:28] Candice asks: What are some ways to tap into the unconscious mind?

One of the tools Shirley likes to use is HAKALAU, which is a Hawaiian word and means “a state of being” similar to being in “the zone.” This is what it means to be connected to your subconscious.

To get into hakalau physically, it is connecting your focus and then expanding your focus and tunnel vision into your peripheries. From there we are more connected to our parasympathetic system, we're out of the fight or flight and we're a lot more calm and centred, and this is where our unconscious mind can naturally just flow out.

TRY IT! Wiggle your fingers in front of you at around 11 o'clock and 1 o'clock, while keeping your focus on the space in front of you, choose a focal point. Gradually pull the fingers back and notice how focused and relaxed you feel. You can change your focus and also do this without your hands.

The Unconscious Mind

[23:05] For those who want to experience a deeper connection to their unconscious, what would your recommend for them?

You can use hakalau, at the same time, the unconscious mind is like a muscle and it needs to be strengthened. Asking the unconscious mind if it's okay for me to do this release and trusting, and listening so that we can recognize what is coming up for us.

[24:14] You're saying the word “Action” a lot, and this is something I teach in my coaching; it's that action is where the magic happens. Let's talk about manifesting and the unconscious mind! When it comes to manifesting our dreams and goals, where do we start? Walk us through the steps.

When we talk about energy, there are four bodies and three selves: 
Higher Self, Unconscious Self, Conscious Self
Spiritual Body, Mental Body, Emotional Body, Physical Body

When we talk about manifesting, a lot of times we're bringing something down our four bodies from spiritual to physical. We have to move through each body before it manifests physically for us. The mental and emotional blocks and fears are what stop us from taking action. These need to be cleared and unblocked before we can manifest.

[27:57] Rubani Asks: about the mental and emotional process and how to change your mind to think something else when it’s been accustomed to a whole different way of your life?

Shirley uses Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) 
Neuro = Mind
Linguistic = Language
Programming = similar to an App on your phone

These are neuro-pathways of our mind, like a manual for our mind. Using NLP we can change the neuro-pathways and support the unconscious mind to going in the direction that we want. It's scientific and efficient when it comes to making changes in our life.

[31:50] Is there something you do, to get out of your own blocks, like a morning routine?

Shirley meditates every morning, as a way to set the tone for the day. Before each going call she grounds and make sure she feels centred. Shirley also journals. Using a mind dump page to help her bring awareness. THEN she blocks off time to actually do the work, not just the awareness of the block, but actually removing it or planting a new belief.

In the evening she sits with herself and checks them off.

[33:54] How long does it take for someone to get over a specific block, for example, procrastination?

20 minutes! The coaching call is an hour and there is some pre-work before using the tool. The changes are difficult in the conscious mind, not in the unconscious mind.

[39:69] Candice asks: Are there ways we can recognize and prevent burnout?

Burnout is when you expend more energy than you can replenish, as a habit.

At a low point it's a feeling of deep and dark sadness or low energy. But you can also recognize it in different areas of your life like your health, career, relationships. You're cynical, anxious, reactive, doubtful, etc. You're not showing up as your best self and it's effecting relationships. So there are a lot of signs. 

At the Burnout Clinic they focus on the mid to late stage where self care just isn't enough.

[44:35] Where can we find you, where can we follow you?

INSTAGRAM | @theburnoutclinic

WEBSITE | www.TheBurnoutClinic.com

[45:18] Is there anything else you'd like to add about the unconscious mind or The Burnout Clinic?

The unconscious mind is always there to support you. It's a very powerful tool to harness with the right techniques, and it's not complicated or scary. Being able to harness that is where your empowerment comes from, because you get to take responsibility and ownership to then make the changes that you want.

The Burnout Clinic, if you're interested in our services, get the BOOK: Mental & Emotional Release by Matt James and Tris Thorp this will give you more insight into the process.

Rapid Fire Round

[46:55] 1. What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?

AUDIO BOOK: Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray

[47:08] 2. What are you currently working toward?

Personal health and fitness, and abundance

[47:20] 3. What do you love most about being a woman?

The balance between the masculine and feminine energy and finding that fit, and it's always shifting ant it's a beautiful dance. 

[47:35] 4. What does empowerment mean to you?

Empowerment is recognizing that you have the ability and power to make the changes and to live the life that you want and to be able to take action towards it.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E87: This ONE Practice Could Change Your Relationship with Food
 
 

E87: This ONE Practice Could Change Your Relationship with Food

Welcome back to the Women’s Empowerment Show, thank you for joining me for an episode that was inspired by one of our listeners, Leah...


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[00:33] Leah emailed me one day and we got to chatting about intermittent fasting, among a couple other things, and while we were emailing back and forth Leah said, “this could be a great future episode.” I loved the suggestion and I had kept a note of the topic with some of our conversation, but it sat in my google docs for a little over a month before I actually figured out what this podcast was going to be, and how I would make it purposeful for the audience.

The reason I didn’t jump on the idea right away is because I don’t practice intermittent fasting anymore. And I don’t like to teach or talk about anything that I don’t do myself. However, intermittent fasting has been a really big piece to getting to where I am today when it comes to my relationship with food, and how I eat.

So before we get into where I am now, let’s jump back to about three years ago when I first committed to intermittent fasting. I say “committed” because I had heard of it before and I had thought about trying it, but I never actually stuck to it.

[1:40] Intermittent fasting has become a very popular trend in the health and fitness world. If you haven’t already heard of it, healthline has a really simple definition which is: “it’s an eating pattern that cycles between periods of fasting and eating.” It’s not about what you’re eating, but actually when you’re eating. Therefore it isn’t a diet, but an eating pattern.

[2:04] There are so many different ways of fasting, and fasting isn’t new by any means.It’s been done for centuries by religious groups, and for spiritual reasons. I’ve fasted for a week at a mediation centre before – I’ll save that for a different episode…

The intermittent fasting pattern is one of two methods: The first is a daily 16-hour fast. And the second is fasting for 24 hours, twice per week.

When I tried this pattern I did the first method, fasing daily for 16-hours.

Most people would agree that the first method is the simplest and the easiest to stick to. Here’s how it works:

  • You’re allowed to eat in an 8 hour window of the day, and you can choose when the 8 consecutive hours are. I was waking up around 5:30 or 6am so I chose 11am – 7pm

  • During that 8 hours you’re eating whatever you want

  • But for the other 16 hours of the day, you’re fasting. No “breakfast” and no “evening snacks”

When people ask me how to choose a window for themselves, I recommend starting with an hour after you wake up, especially if you’ve never fasted before. Then, after a couple days stretch it to two hours after you wake up.

The other tip that helped me start intermittent fasting was if I felt a bit hungry in the morning before 11am, I would wait 30 minutes and if I was still hungry I would eat 30 minutes later. This was in the beginning when I was getting into the habit of the new eating pattern.

[3:48] However, here’s where things changed for ME. I wasn’t hungry in the morning. Like right in the beginning, I wasn’t hungry. 

When people learned that I didn’t eat breakfast anymore, most of them were appalled and used to tell me, “But breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” and let me tell you, I used to be one of those people. I used to believe this and think people were crazy for not eating first thing in the morning. 

But when I actually checked into my body, I wasn’t hungry. You’re also not supposed to eat when you aren’t hungry. So why should I eat?

[4:30] I grew more curious about the line “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” and learned that it was invented by KELLOGS to sell their new breakfast cereal! Corn flakes are garbage and I don’t care what time of day it is, cereal isn’t good for your body. This is a marketing strategy and it has millions of people believing that they need to eat first thing in the morning. My mind was B L O W N.

Don’t get me wrong, I love breakfast food! And I still enjoy brunch. Just because you don’t eat before 11 am doesn’t mean you don’t eat bacon and eggs!

Anyway. While I started getting into the habit of intermittent fasting, I was also learning a lot about my relationship with food, and also developing a stronger relationship with my body. I was learning about what my body wanted, what it didn’t want, what it craved, when I would crave certain foods. It was like I was finally speaking the same language of my body and I wasn’t just putting food into my mouth because it was “breakfast time” or “lunchtime” or “dinner time” and that’s what everyone else did. 

I was also noticeably more alert during the day, I was sleeping better, and I was losing weight. I had gained weight the year before and it took me about a month of intermittent fasting and 5 days/week of weight training to lose the majority of it.

[6:04] Fasting can be very beneficial to the body and affects your cells and hormones. Here are some of the changes that occur in your body when you fast according to an article on healthline:

  • Human Growth Hormone (HGH): The levels of growth hormone skyrocket, increasing as much as 5-fold. This has benefits for fat loss and muscle gain, to name a few 

  • Insulin: Insulin sensitivity improves and levels of insulin drop dramatically. Lower insulin levels make stored body fat more accessible

  • Cellular repair: When fasted, your cells initiate cellular repair processes. This includes autophagy, where cells digest and remove old and dysfunctional proteins that build up inside cells

  • Gene expression: There are changes in the function of genes related to longevity and protection against disease

There are other health benefits of intermittent fasting including: 

  • Reducing insulin resistance and inflammation

  • Possible reduction of “bad” cholesterol and

  • Increases the brain hormone that helps the growth of new nerve cells

[7:14] At the end of the day, it’s a very simple practice, and one of the things I teach my health coaching clients is that “Healthy Can Be Simple” it really can.

I can’t remember how long I kept up with the intermittent fasting. I wish I could remember. I think maybe… a year? Two years? It was a while. What I can tell you is that during that time I was also doing A LOT of other things. 

I had completely renovated my morning routine. I was waking up earlier and working out first thing in the morning for 4-5 days every week. I was meditating and deepening my spiritual practice, and I was journaling and really diving into personal development.

I can tell you right now that these other lifestyle changes DEFINITELY affected my health and wellness. But the intermittent fasting gave me a structure.It also helped me see that I was a late-night snacker and it got me out of this munchie habit before bed or post-dinner. Full disclosure, I am totally snacking late again – but this is again, maybe for another podcast episode LOL.

It also helped me create a deeper connection with myself and truly discover what it is that my body wanted, not what I thought it was supposed to want or have.

[9:15] Which brings me to the ONE practice that changed my relationship with food: Intuitive Eating.

This means, making food choices without guilt, shame, or judgement, and respecting when our bodies are fed and full. It’s about enjoying food, being present with food, and having a healthy relationship with food and with ourselves. 

As a wellness leader I have felt, and still occasionally feel, pressures to eat a certain way and for my body to look a certain way. I have been a victim of external influence and self-judgement and shame. And although I have never had an eating disorder, I have most definitely experienced dis-ordered eating.

Now I sometimes eat breakfast in the morning, usually not but I won’t say no because it doesn’t stick to my eating plan. If I’m hungry, I will eat. To be honest, most days I’m not hungry until 10:30 or 11am.

I love cooking, experimenting with food, and eating and enjoying food. I take pleasure in making meals and trying new things. I’m not paleo, or vegan, or trying the keto diet. I eat foods that make me feel good and happy and nourished. Yes sometimes donuts make me feel happy. Not when I eat too many of them, but you best believe there is an amazing donut shop in town and I am about it!

[10:42] Another really important lesson I learned was that I am what some would call an “emotional eater.” This was a blatant realization about a few months into my time with intermittent fasting. I was really consistent with not eating in the morning and I was feeling really great about it. One morning around 9:30am I had an update for my website and it changed everything! I had to learn, re-learn, and un-learn some of the backend pieces to my website and I do not speak html. It was a nightmare. The more stressed and anxious I became, the hungry I got. But I wasn’t just hungry, I was ravenous for sugar. For anything sweet I could eat at that moment and I was enraged. It was so intense that I actually stopped myself and thought, “Whoa. What the fork is going on with me? I wasn’t hungry one minute ago.”

Now remember, I was really into my spiritual practice as well so my self-awareness was improving and quite strong. I think that if I didn’t have all these habits in place, I might not have even noticed my body change or start craving sugar and might have mindlessly started eating something sweet without even realizing! 

It’s all information, but we have to stay in a mindful state for us to really come to the realizations, and if we want to make any impact or positive changes, we’ve got to be self-aware.

 

[12:30] During my research of intuitive eating I found a website which shares 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating that I wanted to share with you today. 

As I go through these 10 principles, I ask that you consider how you could start incorporating them or using them in your own life and in your own eating practices.

[12:58] #1 Reject the Diet Mentality

Stop reading the books and the articles about quick solutions for weight loss. It’s soul damaging and the intention behind diets isn’t safe, long lasting or heart-centred. I’ve said this before on the show, and I’ll say it again: there is a POWER OF INTENTION. What is your intention for losing weight? 

If your answer is you want to look good in an outfit, or that you want other people to like you, or some other superficial answer, I will tell you right now, your “diet” isn’t going to be successful.

However, if you want to live a healthier lifestyle so that you can keep up with your kids and be around for your grandchildren, and have a better relationship with yourself, then you’re on the right track. It’s not about a diet, it’s about a lifestyle change.

If you want to practice intuitive eating, you have to give up the diet mentality, it’s not helping you, it’s only hurting you.

[14:22] #2 Honour Your Hunger

Eat when you’re hungry, and don’t overstuff yourself with food. There’s a difference between being hungry and being excessively hungry and gorging on the easiest or quickest “food” you can get your hands on. Notice how your body tells you it’s hungry, and how it tells you it’s full. Honour those signs.

[14:42] #3 Make Peace with Food

“Give yourself unconditional permission to eat.” Telling ourselves that we can’t or we shouldn’t leads us to feeling deprivation, which eventually leads to giving in. This usually ends up with us feeling guilting for doing something that we’re not supposed to do. 

We need to start forgiving ourselves for the ways we’ve treated ourselves about food and eating. It’s okay to want certain foods or to eat in general, it’s not okay to punish ourselves or our bodies.

[15:13] #4 Challenge the Food Police

This is referring to the thoughts in our head that tell us we’re “good” for eating healthy or “bad” for eating a donut today. The “food police” are the internal dialogue and the media that has created unreasonable rules following diet culture. Yell a big fat NO! When you hear or see the food police in your life.

[15:40] #5 Discover the Satisfaction Factor

Last night my partner and I prepped a delicious meal. I had to teach yoga in the evening so we decided to eat later so that we could eat together. When I came into the kitchen the food smelled amazing. I was hungry and now that I was smelling all the species I entered this state of excitement and bliss.

There is a door from the kitchen that goes out onto the patio. I went out to find a beautiful place setting for two with candles, and the summer sky. It was so perfect and wonderful and I swear the food tasted better because we prepared it, and celebrated it, and enjoyed it together.

[16:33] #6 Feel Your Fullness

To do this, we need to trust that we’re giving ourselves foods we desire. This is where the listening comes in. Listening to the signals that we aren’t hungry anymore. We are COMFORTABLY full. We can do this by pausing in the middle of our meal and checking in with ourselves. For myself, and a lot of other people, one of the signs that we are full and done eating is when we let out a big sigh. This is my body’s way of saying, “That was delicious. We are done for now.”

[17:11] #7 Cope with Your Emotions with Kindness

Depending on where you’re at and what your relationship with food is like, there can be many different emotions that come up for you. In the example I shared earlier, I felt overwhelmingly stressed and I became ravenous for something sweet. I knew that my body was trying to tell me something, and it wasn’t “feed me the donut” it was scared and needed a hit of dopamine, like it’s gotten before from sugar. But you can also get it from other things, including foods that are high in protein. 

Regardless of what emotions come up for you, be kind to yourself. You are learning, growing, and you’re only human. Begin by recognizing the signs of your body and mind and develop that connection and conversation with yourself to better understand what your body needs. Self-compassion is the key.

[18:11] #8 Respect Your Body

Each and every one of us is unique, and magical in our own way. Love yourself the way you are. It’s so unrealistic to believe that everyone has to look or act or be a certain way. All bodies are beautiful. 

[18:31] #9 Movement – Feel the Difference

I definitely notice a difference between how my body feels when I was waking up early and lifting weights, than it does now, with a weekly routine of yoga, pilates, walking and some weights. One is not better or worse, it’s just different. 

Daily movement is fundamental for our health, like I always say: a body in motion stays in motion. You don’t need a militant exercise routine, you just need exercise!

Find an exercise or a type of physical activity that YOU enjoy! This will keep you active, happy, and consistent.

[19:14] #10 Honour Your Health – Gentle Nutrition

For this last one I’m going to read directly off what the site says because I really like it:

“Make food choices that honour your health and taste buds while making you feel good. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or become unhealthy, form one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters. Progress, not perfection, is what counts.”

*slow clap*

[20:09] Listen, if you’re just learning about intuitive eating, or if you’re interested in making it a part of your life, start with checking in with yourself and asking yourself what it is that you want? Not what the voice of the food police in your head wants. You can also connect with me on instagram if you ever want to chat. You can find me @vallavignelife.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E86: 3 Keys to Creating Space to Attract More Abundance
 
 

E86: 3 Keys to Creating Space to Attract More Abundance

Today we will be zoning in on wealth and mindset, and I will be teaching you the three keys to creating space to attract more abundance into your life!...


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[2:08] It’s a single lesson in the course, but it is so important. And what I’ll be teaching you today, can be implemented IMMEDIATELY after learning it!

Attracting more abundance into our lives, can be filled under “manifesting.” Whenever we’re attracting, or desiring, or calling something into our lives we are signing a contract with the Universe telling it what we want. Focusing on our desire and being able to bring it into our lives is called The Law of Attraction. This is one of many Universal Laws. 

[2:55] Another very important Universal Law is the Law of Vacuum. The Law of Vacuum says that all material forces of the Universe dislike the vacuum and hurry to fill each of the openings, holes, voids, space, etc. This Law states that space allows movement, and that when all space is filled, the unity prevents further movement and growth.

So basically, once the space is filled, it can create a block. This can be good and bad; it depends where you are at in your life, and where you want to go! We can talk about this a little bit later on in the episode!

This law works by clearing out unnecessary or negative thoughts, things, and elements of one’s lifestyle, one can create the space, atmosphere, time and opportunities to grow, move, restore, and build on a more stable foundation.

The essential meaning being: OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW! We are making room for what we desire, and letting go of what no longer serves us to create that space!

A super important side note: The Law of Vacuum creates the space for only the highest good and only the best, with the least amount of energy.

Yes my friend, you heard me, this law is EFFORTLESS! Well… sort of. In a previous podcast episode we learned about the Power of Intention. 

Episode 66: Elevate Your Life By Living with Intention 

 

[4:35] Living with intention is powerful, and more importantly: PURPOSEFUL!

It pretty much circles back to the Law of Attraction: what we focus on expands. This works for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

If you’re focusing on abundance, more abundance will come. But if you’re focusing on debt, more debt will come.

Now if you are very intentional and combine the Law of Attraction WITH the Law of Vacuum, you could very well amplify your desire and it could also come a lot quicker and easier to you.

For example, you desire abundance in your work. You focus on the abundance you currently have: amazing paying customers + flexible schedule to do your hobbies. You ALSO begin to create space in your calendar for new customers, or you create a new on-boarding sequence for your new customers so that it’s easier to integrate them into your business. This supports and serves your people while also freeing up some of your time to focus on A) all your new customers as well as B) keeping time open for your beloved hobbies! WIN-WIN!

This is how you leverage the universal laws and attract more of what you desire into your life (or like in the example, into your business)!

Alright, it SOUNDS AMAZING! And now you wanna know how to make it work for you! I am very excited to tell you that it’s actually quite simple. All you have to do is create the time, space, and atmosphere so that the next, OR BETTER opportunity (or desire) can come into your life.

[6:25] I promise, I’m going to get to the three keys to creating space, but right before I do, I wanted to tell you a little story about an incredible opportunity that I recently attracted into my life.

Along with being a health and wealth coach, I am also a pilates instructor. I have been teaching for several years now and over the last seven years of teaching I have developed some very strong and incredible relationships with my students and colleagues. I have a loyal following of clients, and I’ve also worked for several different studios, learning so much from everyone I’ve met, and everywhere I’ve worked.

During the pandemic, and in lock-down I was no longer working at studios, but created my own virtual studio where I taught mat classes. It was a very interesting time for many if not all of us, and for me it was a great gift and opportunity to get clarity on what I wanted for my career moving forward.

I absolutely LOVE teaching classes, but the schedule that I had was not sustainable for the long term future, so I was interested in a change.

During quarantine a very loyal client and friend approached me about opening a brand new studio. This friend wanted to invest in me to run my own space! They’re intentions were heart-centred, but after weeks and weeks of considering the offer, I realized that their intentions were not aligned with my own. And I graciously declined the offer. I knew it was the right thing to do for me because after saying, “Thank you so much, but no thank you.” I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and my body felt physically more open and peaceful. Yes, a little voice in my head said I was a fool for not doing it, but in my heart I knew it was not the right next step.

The very same day I declined the offer, a different friend and loyal client came to me with an offer of their own: inheriting a studio that I used to work at, to become a co-owner and new face of the studio. I’ll keep the details and logistics out of the story for time purposes, but basically, I was offered an even better opportunity after letting go of the first offer.

But here’s what’s even more incredible! The first offer was a HUGE GIFT! It was:

  • CONFIRMATION that I was ready to uplevel in my career and it was

  • Time to get CLARITY on what I truly wanted moving forward

I accepted the second offer and am very excited to announce that I will be the new co-owner of a beautiful boutique studio in Burlington, Ontario!

 

[9:22] Now let’s get into the 3 keys to creating space, so that we can attract more abundance into our lives!!!

KEY #1  T I M E

Raise your hand if you’ve ever used the excuse “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time” when it comes to your wealth goals.

I’m raising my hand. Totally guilty of this, and it’s probably the most common excuse I hear for why people don’t have the abundance they desire!

But the truth is, we make time for the things that matter. No excuses. Oh, you don’t have time to start a side hustle but you scroll instagram and tiktok for 2 hours a night before bed? 

Okay…

Oh, you don’t have time to meal prep, but you re-watched a full season of New Girl on Sunday? 

Hmm…

Oh you’re too busy to put money into a savings fund, but you purchased a quarterly subscription box that sends you new beauty products every quarter?

Right…

Like I said, we MAKE time for what’s important to us.

Here’s how we do it: Schedule time in your calendar for your action step(s).

This could be a daily gratitude practice where you write out all the abundance you are thankful for. Or maybe it’s a 30 minute meeting with yourself to set up an automatic transfer of $25 a week into a savings account. It could be blocking out 1 hour everyday to work on your side hustle. You could also pop in a weekly visit with your money: check out your accounts, bills, tracking spending + savings.

Set alerts, notifications, or alarms to remind you when those meetings or events are so that you stay on track with your wealth goals.

This is a helpful quote from Tony Robbins: “If you talk about it, it’s a dream, if you envision it, it’s possible, but if you schedule it, it’s real.”

 

[11:34] KEY #2  S P A C E

Most of the time when you think about the Law of Vacuum you think about physical space, and this isn’t wrong. The Law of Vacuum is definitely about creating physical space, just as much as it’s about creating energetic space.

Let’s think about some ways we can create physical space for abundance to come into our lives. The best place to start is with your manifestation or your intention. What specific abundance do you wish to attract?

More paying customers
More money in for savings
A new car

Now, consider WHERE this abundance will go when you receive it. Do you have the capacity to take on new customers? Do you have an account set up yet for your savings to go? Is there a parking space, or room in your garage for your new car? Make the physical space for your manifestation! 

You’ll also want to look at what is currently taking up the space. What do you have in your schedule that is blocking new clients or customers from meeting with you? Where is your money going now, that it’s not going into a savings account? What do you currently have taking up space in your garage?

Physical objects hold an energetic charge. If this manifestation is TRULY what you desire, you might have to part with something else in order to make space for your abundance. It can also be a bit of a test from the Universe to see if you’re ready, and if you’re actually willing to make changes and elevate. 

A quote from an unknown author says, “Sometimes you have to let things go, so there’s room for better things to come into your life.”

You have to want what you don’t have more than the comfort of what you already have. It’s part of the risk and the growth when you’re moving out of your comfort zone. Because, we’re not supposed to be the person we were before our transformation, we’re evolving into a new version of ourselves, hopefully a better one.

[13:44] Speaking of elevating, evolving, and transformation!

Creating Space KEY #3 is  A T M O S P H E R E

Creating an environment for your abundance can be similar to upgrading your money identity.

It’s not so much about being comfortable, but rather about moving into the space where the magic happens by acting like you already have your desire. Meditate on and tap into the feelings of what it’s like to receive your abundance desire. Imagine and embody every emotion of signing up a new client or getting a new customer. What are you doing, thinking, feeling, or saying?

Envision reaching your savings goal: how do you feel? What thoughts and emotions are moving through you? How are you celebrating your achievement?

Picture yourself driving your brand new car! What does that feel like? What music are you playing? Or maybe you’re listening to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast! Where are you driving to? Are there other people in the car with you?

How does the future you live their abundant life? Answer that question for yourself and start living that lifestyle to the best of your ability today. By doing this you’re raising your energetic vibration to meet the version of you who has the abundance. 

When you’re visualizing, meditating, and acting the way the future you is acting, do it as if you already have or have had (present and past tense) your desire. This is a simple piece to manifesting that people often overlook or forget.

[15:49] As we’ve touched on briefly, there are two types of space we can create. Physical and Energetic.

Physical space is our outside world; external, the visible and physical objects in material form.

Energetic space is our internal world; the invisible: mental, emotional and spiritual; thoughts, feelings, connections, attitudes, and energetic atmosphere.

When you’re manifesting abundance, or anything for that matter, it’s important to make the physical and energetic space in order to attract your desire. Sometimes we create the physical space, but a mental block is holding us back. Or we create mindset shifts, but don’t have the physical capacity to take on more. 

[16:38] Which brings me back to something I said earlier today which was: once the space is filled, it can create a block. This can be good and bad; it depends where you are at in your life, and where you want to go! If you’re listening to this episode because you want to attract more abundance, which I’m assuming you are, then you’ve probably reached a point in your life where you’re feeling a bit stuck. Maybe not in all areas of life, but in your wealth and finances perhaps. This means you’ll be putting today's teachings into action after this episode and start creating the physical and energetic space to attract abundance. 

What happens when we reach our goal? We celebrate, we feel all the feelings and then guess what… You’ll want to set a NEW abundance goal to grow even more! Sure it might not be today or tomorrow, or next month, but eventually you’ll want to grow again, just like you are growing today.

So instead of looking at where you are now as bad or as a “stuck spot” shift your mindset to think of it as a stepping block, or a stepping stone. You got to where you are today based off of the choices and habits you’ve made and put into place in the past. 

[17:57] Now, use what you’ve learned to move forward. What’s working? What’s not working? Where can we create space? Where can we grow and improve? What are some possible next steps or building blocks we can take to up-level? 

Keep asking and answering these questions, and other questions like these to support you. And stay open to something better.Because something better might just be on it’s way, and you won’t want to miss it!

[18:31] Lastly, and before you go, I wanted to give you a gift of my own to help you create space for your abundance. It’s a free journaling exercise for realising your money fears. We all have them, and they’re usually what’s holding us back the most when it comes to manifesting more abundance.

 

Download the FREE Money Fears Journalling Prompts

Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Empowering Our Feminine Energy
 
 

BONUS: Empowering Our Feminine Energy with Karly TyGr

Welcome Karly TyGr! A budding entrepreneur who is passionate about empowering all working women by teaching them how to collaborate and support one another...


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[2:08] Karly, welcome to the Women’s Empowerment Podcast, I am so grateful you’re here today! Karly and I met at the Toronto Business Babes Fall Conference last year, and since then have become great friends and supporters of each other’s businesses and entrepreneur endeavours.

The Toronto Business Babes conference was a pivotal event for a lot of women, Karly, tell us about how this event became an important part of your life and where you are today.

Most people will say it was “just a conference” but to Karly it was genuinely a life-changing moment. Karly had just been let go from her job at a Toronto Nightclub. She thought this would be a pivotal moment that would get her back into alignment with the school she went to, for Fashion Merchandising. What she did learn was more about herself than the industry. It was a tough time and she felt very low and in a depressed episode at that time.

A woman named Kim who was a speaker at the event, reached out to Karly via instagram and encouraged her to go to the event and even gave her a free ticket! 

Karly met a lot of amazing women and felt that this event was the kick in the ass she needed to get her shit together.

Guest Episodes from the ladies Karly mentioned:

Jesse: Master Your Social Media Marketing

Lauren: Building Your Dream Business, Events, & Life

Transitions & Transformation

[7:40] Take us back to before the conference, when you used to work in a more male-dominated industry. What were some of the challenges you faced, and how did you overcome them

It's hard for Karly to talk about because it comes across like “you're shitting all over men,” and that's not what she's, doing. However there are ways that in a male dominated industry there are certain ways that men are really great at business, that with women it goes against a lot of what we're raised to do and believe.

Karly has been learning a lot more abut masculine and feminine energy lately, and you can also think of it as outer and inner energy. And we all have the masculine and feminine energy within us. Masculine/outer; Feminine/inner. Communication was the biggest struggle for Karly in the male dominated industry. Karly felt that there was a lack of communication and that was something that effected her because she wouldn't communicate to her managers and assume that they would figure it out. But she knew that this was ridiculous and we can't expect people to read our minds.

BOOK: How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith. The book highlights 12 different habits that women have that prevent women from reaching their goals.

Competition is healthy, but a permanent competitive mind can be detrimental to success, and we lose the feminine power of community.

Working in this industry brought out the worst in her, feeling like she needed to “fight for a seat at the table.” She believes that until we learn to embrace both energies within us, it will be constantly butting heads in the industry. 

Episode #67: Communicating with Power

[13:29] As women, how can we embrace our feminine energy?

First and foremost, understanding the science of energy, and how we all have both energies. Also understanding that our emotions are something we have to embrace. Switch up the wording if it resonated better with you.

Figure out what makes us feel like we want to fight against other women, because this is what's holding us back from embracing our feminine power. A lot of us were told growing up that “Women can't be friends, or women are catty.”

[17:41] Women + Community: What advice would you give for women seeking stronger female friendships and relationships?

Start with: Breaking Down Your Own Internal Beliefs

You've got to be willing to admit your own faults, and break down your judgements of others. Notice who you are judging or dismissing. What is it about that person that you are judgmental about? Which beliefs can you separate from the ones that serve you and the ones that don't?

Episode 44: This Judgement Detox will Blow Your Mind

[23:50] Both you and I are advocates for morning routines, take us behind the scenes and walk us through your morning routine.

Karly's morning routine (total time 2-2.5 hours):

Wake up around 5:30am/6:00am and get active right away
Yoga + proper breathing
Brain games
Meditation
Gratitude + journalling (TIP! Think of something that is frustrating you in your life and reframe it to why you're grateful for it)
Oracle card pulls
Smoothie
Reading a non-fiction book

[27:40] That’s a pretty solid morning routine! Can you share how you created it, what is that process like?

Started with morning smoothies: it was easy and fun!
Next added in gratitude
Then the physical activity came in, and eventually everything started stacking in

BOOK: Atomic Habits by James Clear

[30:14] Why do you believe having a morning routine so important?

So important, especially for women, pouring into themselves before their families. Starting your day with positivity and gratitude sets the intention for your day.

Karly's Podcast: If Only She Smiled

[31:53] This year you launched your Podcast, If Only She Smiled. Can you describe it to those of us who haven’t heard of your podcast yet?

A podcast that explore's women in history that you may not have heard of. Bringing their stories and their voices up is very important to Karly.

[33:33] Where did the idea for this show come from, tell us about the journey how you created this project.

Karly has always been obsessed with woman in history. She used to read these books called, “The Royal Diaries” that were teen books meant to be written by young women in history in the point of view of them and their diary. Her love and curiosity grew and lead to more conversations about empowering women in history. Karly felt the need to want to talk to people about woman in history in a new way.

The If Only She Smiled Podcast launched March 9th 2020

[37:05] How did you go from overwhelmed by ideas to the end result?

It doesn't matter if you're an entrepreneur or not, this is something everyone struggles with. It comes down to quieting the busy mind and getting clarity. Karly recommends brain dumps, or mind maps, and write out everything out. Write out anything that is in your head, list them out and clear out the noise from your head.

Also turning off notifications, or putting your phone away, it's a huge distraction.

[40:45] For anyone listening who struggles with finding clarity, or is feeling overwhelmed by all their ideas, what tips do you have for creating clarity, and which idea do we choose?

Learning to limit yourself is huge. If you're someone who is a huge creative, you want to go for an idea that is an actionable and achievable. It also has to be something you love doing, forever – even if you're not actually doing it forever.

[48:28] The podcast is still in its early stages, what can we expect for the show moving forward?

Karly is re-working the format. It's been Karly speaking about empowered woman in history, and will be evolving into mindset work and helping women in the workforce; entrepreneur or not.

Mindset will be a main focus, and the show will also have a segment about which woman in history Karly thinks she relates to.

Growth & Empowerment 

[50:48] Another part of our brands and businesses we have in common is Empowering Women. I love how you share Collaboration Over Competition. What are 2 ways we can start embodying this in our lives or in our businesses as women?

Step One: Identify your own judgements and get them out of the way; You'll always be looking for competition or conflict if you don't get you own shit out of the way.

Step Two: Open clear communication. Conversation doesn't have to be confrontation, sometimes uncomfortable conversations come up, and we have to give and accept the feedback. Bring women up. Help other women. Don't be a by-stander.

Embrace the feminine energy of empathy. It's good to care about others and involve and include others.

[55:35] Your podcast spotlights empowered women in history, and there is so much we can learn from them. Can you name one woman you talk about on your show, something they did or are known for and the main reason they inspire you?

Hedy Lamarr: Was an actress who never went to school. A famous Hollywood director and an inventor, Howard Hughes, created the world's fastest airplane at the time. And Hedy Lamarr helped him do that by combining the body of the fastest fish, with the wings of the fastest bird, mimicking that shape and showing it to him. But we don't learn about that.

Zenobia: Ruled Syria at the time and was a total badass.

“The Great” show on Amazon Prime about Catherine the Great

[58:50] Is there anything else you’d love to share about your brand or your mission?

Karly wants to bridge the gap between women who work. The collaborative mindset is so important, even if you're not an entrepreneur. Starting with pouring into your self and providing a seat at the table for other women.

Listener Questions

[1:00:00] From Erika: What is your favourite smoothie recipe?

Oat milk, or almond milk
Splash of tropical juice
Mixed frozen fruit bag (fave: dragon fruit + mango)
Chia seeds
Honey
Cinnamon
Ashwagandha oil
Frozen Bananas, no ice.

[1:01:49] From Kim: How do you navigate competitive female friendships/alliances?

Communication. Navigating means that you have to do work on your own, you can't put the blame on someone else right away. Learning to do this is important. Not being able to communicate, or when someone can't communicate back, then re-evaluate the friendship.

Set boundaries. Be clear about what you need or don't need in that moment or in that relationship.

[1:03:08] From Rachel: What books would you recommend for someone who is just getting into mindset that isn’t too advanced?

BOOK: Let That Shit Go by Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw

BOOK: The Sleep Revolution by Ariana Huffington

BOOK: Atomic Habits by James Clear

[1:05:20] Where can we find you, follow you, how can we support your business?

Instagram | @karly.tygr + @ifonlyshesmiled

TikTok | @karly.tygr

Podcast | If Only She Smiled (Apple Podcasts)

Rapid Fire

[1:06:25] What are you currently reading, or what’s your favourite book?

BOOK: Let That Shit Go by Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw

FAVE BOOK: The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

[1:06:55] What do you love most about being a woman?

My emotions, and having space to be able to feel them, also my vagina.

[1:07:28] What does empowerment mean to you?

When you're empowered, you're lifting other people up.

[1:07:53] What are you currently working toward?

Stability is a big thing for me.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Finding Comfort in the Unknown
 
 

BONUS: Finding Comfort in the Unknown with Allie Duff of Pure Balanxed

Allie is the creator and founder of Pure Balanxed, a Canadian clothing brand creating soft, luxurious everyday pieces. Each piece features a signature affirmation tag to support, love and guide you on this crazy journey called life…


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Allie thank you so much for being on the show, it is an absolute pleasure to host you today!

[00:52] Tell us about your journey, your story, and how you started the Pure Balanxed Brand.

Allie grew up as an athlete, and took the path to become a Division 1 Athlete and got a swimming scholarship to go to school in the states. Through that journey she was also dealing with a lot of mental health issues and illnesses, but she lived in silence, not know what her mental health issues were about or what was going on.

She was very shy and did not talk about how she was feeling or what was going on, until she got a bit older. Finally, she started to talk more about her mental health and learn more with the help of therapists.

After 12 years of competitive swimming, she finished her swimming journey. She was 21 years old at the time and also finishing school. During this transition, she felt like she was losing her self-identity, and felt lost with what to do next. At this point, her eating disorder began to take over her life and for the next couple years lived through a phase of a lot of unknown. Her safety and comfort became her eating disorder.

As her health declined, she needed to take action to better herself so she went into treatment for her eating disorder. While in treatment, Allie came to a realization that the way she was living her life was not healthy and not right for her, and that whatever steps she needed to take next needed to be something that would be purposeful and fulfilling and make her happy. This is where Pure Balanced started to develop.

Since she was in a hospital setting at the time, everything that had brought her comfort in the past was no longer available to her. She was also experiencing a lot of changes in her body, emotions, feelings, and nurture her mental health in a whole new way. This lead to her realize that there were some things missing in her life and in the lives of others. When she couldn't find those missing pieces, she started a new journey to start her own business to fill the market gap.

PART ONE: ABOUT THE “PURE BALANXED” BRAND

[5:25] Can you take us through the process of how you transformed your idea of Pure Balanxed into the clothing company it is today?

Allie had always wanted to start her own business, but didn't know exactly what it would be about. She loved the whole aspect of having her own business and thought that it was really glamorous and really cool – and now knows that it's very rewarding but also very tough.

She had also always been obsessed with clothes. Growing up she was very materialistic, and when she was younger loved wearing brand-names, and the lifestyle the brands were selling. When she was in the hospital setting, in her early 20's, she was searching fro clothes that would bring her comfort, not feel tight and clingy to her body, and would have something else hidden in it that would give her the extra piece of safety she was searching for when she didn't have anything else with her.

When it comes to clothing, it's something we have to wear all day – every day, so she was searching for a basic flowy tee, with soft fabrics. When she couldn't find the perfect tee, she discussed with her therapist her clothing brand and new business ideas.

There were a lot of limiting beliefs about if and why and how to make it all happen. Allie's therapist was the one who pushed her to start the process. She told her to buy a plain t-shirt, get her logo printed locally and that's how she started.

Allie took her idea and created a logo, printed it on a random t-shit she bought, and the other thing she wanted to have on the shirts was a little hidden message. On the inside of the shirt she added an affirmation that started with, “I am strong.”

She started with 1 t-shirt, and then 50 t-shirts. During this process she came up with the idea of affirmation tags, which has become signature to the Pure Balanxed brand. They appear as an “X” or an “X” on the front and when you flip it over it has a positive affirmation on the other side.

The tags represent having the extra piece of comfort with you, but also it's hidden to the outside world. It's an extra piece of comfort that you can grab onto anytime throughout the day. They're woven tags that are more comfortable than regular tags.

[9:18] You spell Balanxed with an “X” instead of a “C,” why is that?

The “X” represents finding comfort in the unknown. When Allie was coming up with the brand, she was in love with the word “balance” and she feels very strongly about finding balance in her life. She wanted the name of the brand to be unique to her and the brand itself, and used the alphabet and different languages for ideas and inspiration.

In mathematical terms, represents the unknown. We're always trying to find x

X is the 24th letter in the English alphabet, and Allie started the brand when she was 24 years old!

She was mostly drawn to it because of the “unknown” and when she was starting the business there were so many unknowns; we're always faced with unknowns.

[11:25] Who were the people who supported you through your journey the most?

Definitely Allie's parents were and are huge supporters. Her mom helps Allie come up with designs, and acts as a sounding board for her ideas.

In the beginning Allie felt that she had lived a life of pain and darkness, and she really took the step forward to do whatever it takes to make herself happy and do what it takes to get there. This became her drive and motivation to make her dream happen.

[12:50] At first, did you find that starting your own business to be a guiding light to bring you into the brighter future? How did starting Pure Balanxed tie into the mental health healing of your journey?

Allie thinks it definitely helped guide her, and was something that gave her the purpose she was seeking. This purposed helped her navigate her new life post-treatment and motivated her to stay healthy, and get through each day.

[13:55] Do you have any tips for someone who might be listening who is feeling lost, and how they could find their way?

“Finding your purpose is not something that is going to come very easy. I also think it can't be something that is super rushed… It takes a process to get [to the point of knowing your purpose] and for each day it's going to be different. Trying out new things is a good way to start. I think everyone deep down know what they truly want to do with their life, but there is going to be fear and limiting beliefs that are going to stop them. For me, it took me hitting rock bottom to really realize that I can't live my life like this anymore, but I don't believe that has to be for everyone.”

[15:55] I love how you mention feeling good. There’s a real experience when customers wear your clothes, especially with the texture as you just described. Part of how your brand, Pure Balanxed, “feels good” is by giving back. Can you tell us more about the organizations you donate to, and your connection to them?

Before starting the business, Allie always wanted to do something to support people with eating disorders, and have worked with three different organizations since starting the business.

NEDIC (National Eating Disorder Information Centre) based in Toronto. They do amazing work to help bring awareness to eating disorders and also have a direct client support program. Which is an online chat and a toll-free phone line. They are the only place in Canada that is doing this.

FRIEND'S FIRST based in Toronto. They work with kids help phone to bring awareness to anti-bullying and creating more kindness when teaching young children. Pure Balanxed has a kid's t-shit that supports this company.

Currently working on donating Masks to Midwives during COVID-19, for ONTARIO MIDWIVES ASSOCIATION.

[19:45] What were some of the biggest challenges you faced when building your brand and business? How did you overcome them?

Allie started Pure Balanxed when she had just come out of treatment for her eating disorder. She also didn't have a job or any money coming in, and she was still having to pay for where she was living, meditation, transportation and other fees at the time.  

She was able to get a small loan to order some t-shirts and get the business going. Later she was able to get another loan that helped her expand the business, which allowed her get some more funding to elevate the products and branding research, build a marketing team, etc.

Financials is one of Allie's biggest roadblocks, and finds creative ways to do free marketing. And because of the overwhelming competition in the fashion industry, she can sometimes get caught up in the self-sabotaging comparison game.

PART TWO: MENTAL HEALTH & FINDING COMFORT IN THE UNKNOWN

[24:01] I love how you talk about the “unknown.” You empower others to embrace it, and find comfort in it. What are some ways we can start doing this, in our own lives?

Initially we may avoid the unknown because it feels like a big scary thing. Allie suggests:

#1. Creating Community: Take a step back and know that this isn't a place where you need to feel alone in, but this is something we can all support each other in. 

#2. Create a “Worried” List: Write down everything in your brain that you're worried or stressed about and let it go. 

#3. Reframing: the fear and unknown and to see what we can do and what we can control in the situations we're in.

[28:06] You’re an incredible advocate for mental health, can you share your top Mental Health Tips with us? 

Finding comfort: What can we do to find comfort where we are? Taking a bath, lighting candles, taking yourself out of the moment of distress.

Writing things down can really help. Getting it out of our brains and onto paper so we're not ruminating on it.

Talking to someone, and opening up to someone else about what we're going through.

Practicing something hands on: colouring, knitting, something physical that can help distract your mind from negativity.

Positive affirmation + mantras: this is a huge part of the Pure Balnxed brand.

Finding the little things that are going to create joy in your day; even if it feels very hard to do that.

[32:25] For the listeners who may know someone that is struggling with an eating disorder, what advice can you give to them in how they can support their loved-one? 

Just be there for them. Asking them how you can support them. Saying something along the lines of, “Hey I've noticed that something is off. I want you to know that I am here for your, I love you.” You don't need to ask them questions, but let them know that you are there for them. Avoid forcing them to talk, or forcing anything on them.

If it is a tough situation where they're really struggling and you don't know what to do, you're going to have to see a professional. You could help your loved one with the process of finding the right professional for them.

You could send them sweet notes or messages whenever you're thinking about them.

[36:06] Looking back on your journey, if there was something you could tell yourself 10 years ago, what would you say to that younger version of Allie? 

“It's okay to be yourself, you don't need to be anyone else. I feel like growing up my whole life I just never felt like I was good enough, or that I could be myself, and had imposture syndrome and was always trying to be like other people… People will like you no matter what.”

[37:35] Where can we find you, follow you, and how can we support your business? 

INSTAGRAM | @alliejeanduff @purebalanxed 

WEBSITE | www.pureblanxed.com 

SUPPORT: share about Pure Balanxed, go to the website and purchase a piece, or donate to one or more of the charities they are working with. Join the newsletter to stay informed.

PART THREE: RAPID FIRE SEGMENT

[39:41] #1. What are you currently reading? Or what is your favourite book? 

The Silent Patient, by Alex Michaelides

My Dark Vanessa, by William Morrow

Untamed, by Glennon Doyle

[40:18] #2. What do you love most about being a woman? 

“We all have this energy and maternal instinct to take care of others and a very unique strength that we all share and I think that's really special about being a female.”

[40:55] #3. What does empowerment mean to you? 

“When I first think of empowerment, I always think of community. I definitely think about whenever we empower or share the word empowerment, it should be 100% about building each other up and supporting each other, whatever it may be, and coming together as women.”

[41:30] #4. What are you currently working toward? 

BUSINESS: Getting the next line of production out for Pure Balanxed Fall & Winter 2020/2021

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E83: 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers
 
 

E83: 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers

When I started this podcasting project 83 episodes ago, I barely knew what I was doing. And long before that I had wanted to have my own podcast, but I hesitated to take action...


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[1:33] I can remember when I had the Women’s Empowerment Blog, how I wanted to turn it into a podcast, and I could imagine having a little studio, and interviewing some of the incredible women I was meeting at the time. I envisioned fresh flowers on my desk, a pink couch where me and my interviewees would sit, and editing episodes while I sipped on delicious coffee. I had a clear picture of what I wanted, but I didn’t have a podcast. 

I think the blog ran for at least a year before I made moves to transitioning it into this new platform. The point is: no matter what we want to manifest, nothing will change for us, unless we start taking action.

In Episode 56: The Beginner’s Guide to Manifesting, we learned all about manifestation.

[2:50] T Harv Eker has a great quote that says, “Action is the bridge between the inner and outer worlds.”

Our inner world is where our ideas are created. The outer world is our reality, where our ideas come to life! 

When we take action on our ideas we begin to bring them into our realities and make them real. This is the magic of manifestation.

ACTION IS WHERE THAT MAGIC HAPPENS

[3:35] Remember that manifestation is everything we’re focusing on is being brought into our physical world; our inner world coming to life in our outer world. But getting from point A to point B takes more than just affirming and believing what you desire. Every action we take, big or small, sends out an energetic vibration or frequency that helps attract what we need to manifest our desires.

[3:54] Everything has a frequency; and like attracts like. When we align our thoughts, feelings, and actions together, we begin to attract whatever we’re focusing on into our lives.

I’ll use my podcast as an example. I knew I wanted to start a podcast, what it would be called, and the style of the show I wanted. Solo shows, mixed in with interviews. I also wanted my listeners to feel inspired, motivated, and driven to take action with each episode. Mini trainings and step-by-step solutions are important to my listeners, along with topics of health, wealth, and happiness. 

The ideas and the vision were great. I loved listening to podcasts myself and I thought, “if this person can create a podcast, then so can I!” 

But I still didn’t know how….

[4:45] Then I came across a fellow dōTERRA Wellness Advocate who had her own podcast. Her show was an Instagram and Facebook Live show that she turned into a podcast afterwards. I liked this idea for a few reasons:

1. It’s interactive. I was able to connect LIVE with my followers and listeners. This gave me instant feedback of who was following, and what topics they were most interested in

2. There’s less pressure to be perfect. A lot of the podcasts I follow are highly produced and there are few to no mistakes. Since I didn’t know how to start, edit, or do anything with a podcast, I liked the idea of the live show as a fun, imperfect and personal way to host a solo show.

3. It gave me some extra time. Since I needed to learn the how part still, but I wanted to take immediate action, I set a goal to do at least 5 live episodes, 1 each week on facebook and instagram, before uploading them to a podcast. 

While I was in the idea stages I did some research on how to start a podcast and it was highly recommended to have 5 or more episodes right when you launch. This gave me 5 weeks to figure out the tech. Yep. a 5-week deadline to figure out the “how”. But at the end of the 5 weeks I also had 5 episodes!

[6:42] Within those five weeks I spent time putting together show notes pages on my website, googling how to start a podcast, and I downloaded a free step-by-step guide from another podcast I follow to help me out a little. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, but I figured it out!

The good news was, I already had a lot of the equipment I needed and use, I already had a website and I turned the blog into a “show notes page” which is basically a different name for blog LOL

By the 5th week I announced on my live show that this would become a podcast! The show has evolved over time and I now feature bonus episodes with guests. That is a whole other system and story on it’s own!

I also upgraded my camera for the video version of the show when I was doing lives. I don’t do the live episodes anymore; the podcast format is a lot more popular, and it’s easier to batch content this way.

Anyway – this isn’t an episode about podcasting!!! This is an episode about manifesting! However, if you do want a peak behind the scenes on the Women’s Empowerment Podcast: Episode 50: Q&A: Podcasting – What I've Learned So Far

[8:36] Moral of the podcasting story: If I wanted my podcasting ideas to come to life, I had to take action to make it happen. If I haven’t already been clear about it: Action Activates!

More specifically, Action Activate 3 Magical Manifestation Magnifiers – how is that for alliteration my friends LOVE IT!

[9:12] The first magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: INSPIRATION

Believe it or not, the Universe is delivering instructions and information to us at all times. It’s our job to recognize these instructions and to take action on them.

In my podcasting example, the Universe introduced me to a new way of podcasting with the Live Shows. I was also given that free guide on how to start a podcast, and a few other informational podcast episodes that helped me check off some of my “how to” boxes.

These instructions and action steps from the Universe can come to us in a variety of different ways. Such as: inspirational downloads we might receive during meditation, or new ideas that come to us in the shower, or creative solutions for everyday problems, and new opportunities!

If you’re manifesting more money in your business, you might come up with an incredible new offer for high-ticket clients. Or perhaps you create a detailed ebook you can sell.

We’ve got to keep our eyes and ears open so that we see all the possibilities that have been given to us! Amazing right!? Yeah!!

[10:29] The second magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: MIRACLES

In the book, a course in miracles there is a very important quote/definition that reads, “A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” Wouldn’t that make a great phone wallpaper!?

The Universe is sending you many miracles and lots of love! Signs, messages, people, and even song lyrics are on their way!

Remember, it’s OUR job to PAY ATTENTION to the ideas and miracles that come to us.

Now listen, the Universe works in very mysterious and very silly ways sometimes, so be on the lookout for anything and everything. Paying attention to the things or the people that stand out, or the numbers that keep reappearing or the quote that you read that is deeply resonating.

The miracles have a high frequency energy of love. When I was making the podcast I took bold action toward a deeply meaningful project. I pour my heart into each episode, and because of this I also attract some of the most incredible people in this world as loyal listeners of the show.

I remember at the end of last year I was really nervous about interviewing guests on the show. I had never hosted an interview style before and I wanted to make a good impression on my guests. 

I went to a networking event and ran into an old friend from the yoga community Kiana, and we were updating each other on our lives and what we were working on. I told her about the new developments in my podcast and she was excited to be a guest on the show! 

BONUS Episode with Kian Ng

After one interview I felt a little more comfortable and asked some of my close friends to be on the show. With practice I am becoming a lot more comfortable and confident in asking my guest to be on the show, and also to interview them.

A lot has changed since starting my guest episodes, however I’m sure there will be more change in the future. The point is, the people who were brought into my life were a beautiful gift and miracle that helped me up-level with my podcast. 

What’s even more amazing now is that women are coming to me, and asking to be on the show! And a lot of my guests introduce me to or connect me with women they recommend and I barely need to reach out to anyone anymore, I am overwhelmingly grateful for all the amazing women that show up and want to connect!

[13:48] The third, and final, magical manifestation magnifier that action activates is: RESULTS!

Know that your empowered intentions are manifesting RIGHT. NOW. The timing isn’t exact, however the more trust and faith you have in the Universe, the more open you will be to receiving this magic!

We don’t always, and actually, it’s more like we OFTEN DON’T understand the how or the exact process. We can’t connect the dots as we look forward; HOWEVER we CAN connect the dots looking backward.

So when you’re manifesting something wonderful and incredible in your life; like a dream vacation to Hawaii, and you receive a gift card for a day at the local spa. DON’T PANIC. And more importantly, don’t get upset. This could be part of a bigger process of your dream vacation! Take this incredible spa day gift and imagine that you are a the spa in Hawaii. Drink coconut water that day, or wear a flower in your hair. Hula dance between treatments. Play Hawaiian music on your drive to and from the spa. Feel the energy of appreciation pour out of you for every moment and every gift.

Maybe you’ll meet someone at the spa who has an Air BnB in Hawaii, or who heard of an incredible flight offer for last-minute tickets to the island!? You never know.

[15:23] And when you DO receive INSPIRATION, MIRACLES, or RESULTS, thank the Universe for each of these gifts. 

Inspiration is a gift.
Miracles are a gift.
Results are a gift.

Gratitude ALWAYS speeds up the process of manifestation! A gratitude practice will change your life: Episode 69: What 365 Days of Gratitude Taught Me

[15:55] Before you run off to take action, I have one more gift for you…

It’s called the Magical Manifestation Magnifiers Tracker. This free download will support you with seeing the magic of action. Record your action steps and see how they activate magnifiers in your life! With some time, you will begin to connect the dots looking backward and see how your manifestations come to life!

 

Download the FREE Manifestation Tracker

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Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E81: 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk
 
 

E81: 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk

Today’s episode is one of many on this show - where we are talking about mindset, positivity, and confidence...


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[00:57] What is self-talk exactly?
Self-talk is the running dialogue in our heads. Have you ever noticed it? Sometimes it’s the little voice that gives us instructions when we’re getting ready for bed, or the chatter in our minds observing our environment, and sometimes it’s singing along to a tune in our head. It’s basically when we’re talking to ourselves in our mind. 

Everyone has this inner narrative, but we don’t often spend so much time actually thinking about what the heck it’s going on about. The important truth is that our self-talk has a much bigger influence on the way we see ourselves and the world we live in, than we realize.

[1:45] Negative & Positive Self-Talk
Here’s the thing, we all have negative and positive self talk, which one do you most often use? Knowing the answer to this question can help you start making proactive changes to living your best life.

Unfortunately most of us have negative self-talk patterns. These are the thoughts where we’re focusing on comparing ourselves to others, or when we feel the “not-enoughness.” Our brains remember negative experiences over positive ones, and we tend to replay these messages in our minds, which in turn fuels negative feelings. 

Here’s the good news: positive self-talk is the opposite of negative self-talk – I mean duh… but positive self-talk is also possible to make automatic. It’s possible, with practice.

But before we get into all that, I think it’s important to note that positive self-talk is a very kind and confident way of thinking. It’s not about narcissism, but rather thoughts around self-compassion and knowing who you are.

[2:55] Benefits to Positive Self-Talk

Reduces Stress: 

When your thinking is more optimistic, this results in more helpful coping strategies when faced with challenges or stressful situations. Negativity is not helping anyone through a challenge. Positivity keeps you open to seeing new possibilities or previously missed opportunities.

Boosts Confidence + Resilience: 

Positive self-talk builds confidence and makes you more likely to achieve goals. I hinted before that positive self-talk takes practice, well that effort is simultaneously improving your self-confidence, and when you wake up to the fact that a badass babe is staring back at you in the mirror every morning, that babe knows she’s kicking ass and taking names. 

Builds Better Relationships: 

Who wouldn’t want to be around someone who is more cooperative and optimistic? Good vibes also rub off on other people. Spread the love + positivity to your friends and family.

[4:00] Hopefully after those three epic benefits you’re thinking, “YES. This is what I need more of in my life and in my mind.” So here are a few examples of positive self-talk:

I have the power to change my mind.

Even though it wasn’t the outcome I hoped for, I learned a lot about myself.

I am capable and strong, I can get through this.

I can’t control what other people think, say or do. I can only control myself.

Attempting to do this work took courage and I am proud of myself for trying my best.

[4:38] Now, the obvious question: “How do we make it all work?”

Here are the 3 steps: 

STEP #1: Identify Your Negative Self-Talk Style
Negative self-talk typically falls into one of four categories:

1. Personalizing
ex. Blaming yourself when something goes wrong

2. Polarizing 
ex. Seeing two sides only: good or bad; black or white; this or that, and no in between

3. Magnifying 
ex.Focusing only on the negative or bad in every situation and dismissing the positive or good

4. Catastrophizing
ex. Expecting the worst, always

STEP 2: Once you’ve identified which category, or categories your thoughts fall into, you can start to swap them to more positive thoughts.

This is where the practice begins. You will start to pay more attention to your inner dialogue and notice when and where you fall into your negative self-talk. Make a note of these in a journal or notebook and begin to rewrite the thought. 

For example, if you tend to personalize your negative self-talk, you hear your inner voice say something like, “Darnit! The cookies are burnt! I suck at baking, this is all my fault!” Instead, you could swap it to: “Oh shoot! Looks like this batch got a little burnt, I now know for next time to set my timer earlier” or check the cookies sooner, or whatever. You’re mentioning what you learned from this experience, and how you will take action to do better next time, and you aren’t blaming yourself for an innocent mistake.

STEP #3: Make Your Positive Self-Talk a Habit.
There are many strategies to make this happen, here are some of my favourites:

  1. Put on your “Investigator Hat” and identify self-talk traps

    This will be something you want to do every day. Noticing when and where you are falling into the negativity. You are becoming more mindful of your thoughts, actions, and more aware of this inner dialogue. 

    As you are doing this, you might notice certain situations where you are more likely to cause more negativity. Like when an introvert is attending a networking or social event.

    Noticing the “traps” can help us to swap our negative self-talk to something more positive and encouraging.

  2. Use Positive Affirmations

    Positive affirmations can be an excellent tool and practice for improving our self-talk. You can practice positive affirmations to set the tone for the day, or to prepare yourself before a self-talk trap.

    To support you with this strategy, I have created a free download called “Build Your Own Affirmations Kit” It teaches you how to create custom affirmations and how to really activate the affirmation! Get yours using the big yellow button below!

  3. Keep a Self-Esteem Journal

    Journaling can be a very powerful and effective tool for making lasting mindset shifts. One of the reasons why it is so effective is because you are activating multiple parts of your brain when you put pen to paper. And depending on what you’re writing about it can help expand and amplify your topic: like positive self-talk for example.

    The two types of journal I recommend is a Gratitude Journal + an Emotions Journal.

    The gratitude journal is a list of what you are grateful specifically that day, as well as why you are grateful for it. Recalling your daily gratitudes helps you return to the feeling of gratitude and brings more of what you’re grateful for.

    An Emotions Journal has specific prompts that help you investigate your mindset and encourage you to think positively about different parts of your day.

    To help you start your emotions journal, here are some prompts:

    I felt proud of myself today when I…
    The highlight of my day was…
    One of my best attributes is…
    I am excited about…
    My biggest success this week was…

[8:59] Now that we have a better understanding of self-talk and the importance of a more positive mental chatter, here are my Top 5 Tips for Positive Self-Talk!

[9:10] TIP #1 SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

When you start to develop more self-awareness and bring more attention to your self-talk, you will also start to notice what areas of your life shed more darkness than light. And with the knowledge that we can only control ourselves, and not the actions of others, we can choose to set healthy boundaries.

This may look like limiting our intake of media and news. I very rarely listen, watch, or read any type of news. It’s been years since I’ve set this boundary for myself and I can most definitely say that my anxiety and negativity have decreased exponentially.

The other, more difficult way of setting boundaries would be to cut the negative people out of your life. This is obviously easier said than done, especially if we live with said person, but spending less time with negative “friends” or coworkers can also be very helpful.

[10:06] TIP #2 PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness is very important whether you tend to have a more positive or negative self-talk. Everyone on the planet could benefit from being more mindful – including the actual planet. There are also many ways to practice mindfulness, like through meditation, journaling – which we discussed earlier in this episode – and also being able to dream and set goals. 

Allowing ourselves to dream and visualize the success we want to achieve, can help us see a possible future target. Reaching this target requires a mindfulness practice so that we can stay on track with reaching our goals and achieving success.

[10:50] TIP #3 STAY PRESENT

Dreaming of and visualizing the future is wonderful, but when our mindfulness spirals into negativity, it’s important to come back into the present moment. 

And it may not be the future we are nervous about, but perhaps our negative self talk is dwelling on the past. What’s done, is done, and the most important pace we are in is right here and now. This is where we are and what we can control and change.

Comparing ourselves to others is another way we lose sight of ourselves and the present moment. Instead of feeling sad about what we don’t have or who we don’t look like or whatever – we can express happiness and gratitude for what that other person has and also come back to the present and see all the things and people and experiences that we have in our own lives.

One of my favourite ways to get back into the present moment is to be physically active. When I’m lifting weights, practicing yoga, or doing pilates, I have to be connected to my body and my breath. Two very key things that bring your right back into the moment. 

The next time you’re feeling anxious about the future, or upset about the past, or feeling any type of scarcity or lack mindset, come back to your breath. Notice your inhalation and your exhalation, even if you just repeat the phrase “I am inhaling [inhale]. I am exhaling [exhale]” until you feel better. 

[12:28] TIP #4 LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF

At the core, positive self-talk is about self kindness and self compassion. Learning to love yourself is the root of your positive self-talk and true happiness. 

Forget failure, learn to reframe the idea that failure is a bad thing! It’s actually a learning opportunity, a chance to develop a new skill, and a step forward out of your comfort zone! 

Believe in the successes you’ve achieved in life so far – I am sure there are many! Use the memory and evidence of past success to move you forward toward your future goals and dreams.

[13:11] TIP #5 SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVITY

Life is too short to get caught up in negativity. Learn to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake, find the humour in an otherwise dull situation. Speak positivity when you’re speaking with others, help others when you can. 

Write out and post your positive affirmations. And continue to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.

Believe in yourself – you’ve got this!

Okay, now, you’re om-work! Use the big yellow button below to download your free copy of my Build Your Affirmations Kit and get started today!

 

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Val LaVigne Life - Build Your Own Affirmations Kit
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E75: Money Mindset Mini Series Part 3 of 3: Awaken
 
 

E75: Money Mindset Mini Series Part 3 of 3: Awaken

Wrapping up the final part of our Money Mindset Mini Series, AWAKEN, learn all about the power of your money habits, and how you can create healthy, happy money habits today...


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[2:25] RECAP:

Part One: Awareness & Part Two: Action

[3:22] Part Three: Awaken

[3:55] Habits 101 

Habits are small, seemingly insignificant behaviours compounded over time.
They're sneaky because more often than not you don't even realize something is a habit until you bring awareness to it!

[4:30] Example: 3 women, 3 Different Evening Routines

[6:45] Consider YOUR Current Routines 

Morning, evening, daytime, whatever routines come to mind for you
Flash forward 10 years. If you kept doing EXACTLY what you're doing right now for the next 10 years, where do you see yourself at that point?

Where do you WANT to be financially in 3, 5, and 10 years?
What do you have to start doing today to get there?

[8:25] That time I found a quarter on the ground

Pay attention to the little + powerful signs from the Universe 

Stay open + trust

[10:00] Wealth Habits

[10:11] #1. MINDSET 

Every 3-6 months write out your money story. Forgive any part of your money story that isn't serving you, and let it go! Rewrite your new money story, with your positive wealth thoughts and focus on them. 

TIP: If you've just started a new money mindset, do this practice monthly, or as often as you feel you need to. Practice this wealth habit more frequently – especially in the beginning – it can be very helpful and transformative in improving your money story. 

TIP: Have a special money mindset or abundance journal. You can write out your money mindset practice in it, and also journal all the ways that money or abundance has come to you: like when I found a quarter and when I received the emails from my pervious client + employer. 

[11:05] #2. SAVING

You can automate your savings through your bank. A savings account is always a winning money management strategy, and financial experts and advisors will always tell you to be saving. 

TIP: Know what you're saving for. Having an intention for your money is very important. You want to know what you're saving for, and make sure it's something meaningful to you. 

TIP: If saving is tough for you, keep coming back to WHY you're saving/what you're saving for. Visit your savings account and watch your money grow! It will help you get more excited about what you're saving for. It's like having a date with your money.

[11:45] #3. GRATITUDE 

Write out 3-5 things you're grateful for each day. Keep this running gratitude list in your abundance journal where you can read it often. Circulating, investing, and generating your money should be celebrated! Thank money for allowing you to afford all the things you have in your life. Look around you, abundance is everywhere! 

TIP: You don't have to just write about money in your gratitude journal. Write about everything and anything you're grateful for, and be specific. Why are you grateful for this person/place/thing/experience? 

TIP: Gratitude is a money magnifier! Being grateful attracts more of what you're grateful for; this helps magnify everything you love in your life! Because remember, what you focus on e x p a n d s !

[12:43] Your “om-work” for today: 

First: Sign up at valerielavignelife.com/webinar for my FREE Master Class: Girls Just Wanna Have Fund$ so you can go deeper into awakening abundance in your life and learn the 3 Keys to Manifesting More Money!

Then: Re-listen to the Money Mindset Mini Series and complete all the practices and methods I've shared in each episode.

Money Mindset Mini Series 

Episode #73 Part One: Awareness 

Episode #74 Part Two: Action

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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BONUS: Elevate Your Money Story and Overcome Your Blocks
 
 

BONUS: Elevate Your Money Story and Overcome Your Blocks with Vanessa Bowen of Mint Worthy

Going deep into roots of money beliefs and blocks. Uncovering them and planting seeds of new truth. Catch it all on this very special bonus episode of the Women's Empowerment Podcast...


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[00:42] Introducing the wonderful Vanessa of Mint Worthy 

  • Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA) & Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner (NLP) and founder of Mint Worthy, a personal finance coaching platform that helps women shift their relationship with money and take control of their finances

  • After a decade in corporate finance and public accounting working with international businesses in Canada and the US, Vanessa decided to pursue her passion for personal finance, shifting her focus on empowering women to live life on their own financial terms

  • Vanessa equips women with new ways of managing and controlling their finances and teaches strategies to truly reach their financial goals. She helps women uncover their money blocks and release the deep rooted subconscious beliefs that create our habits, decisions, and behaviours around money. Vanessa coaches women on how to break through these mindset barriers to discover life-long financial freedom

[2:45] Vanessa tells us a little more about her story… 

Vanessa's story with money started like a lot of other peoples. She grew up with very little information about money management and finances. 

She then became an accountant and didn't know what to do with her paycheque. She did what she knew, and spent the money! This brought her into debt, until she met her mentor who talked to her about budgeting and money management. 

Vanessa's financial passion grew as she started to grow her knowledge and her side passion project/hobby. She helped her circle of friends with their money journey. 

Eventually the passion project grew so big in her heart that she took the leap and left her corporate job to transition to her full time coaching business: Mint Worthy.

 

PART ONE: Girl, Get Over Your Money Blocks

[6:08] Women & Money.

Why is it that women don't talk about money? What are some benefits of having money conversations with our girlfriends? How can we encourage women to start having more conversations around money? 

Women hold a lot of shame and guilt because no one ever taught women about money, and to be honest we're conditioned to believe that money is a man's world. We believe that men are the ones who deal with money and who can take care of money.

As women we limit ourselves, like saying, I'm not good at math, so I'm not good with money but all you need to know about math when it comes to money is adding a subtracting, and that's what we have a calculator for! 

I think the reason why we don't talk about money is because of these limiting beliefs that we are conditioned with or that we put on ourselves. And there is so much release of guilt and shame when we have these conversations, and I think this is the perfect place to start. Having these conversations with your girlfriends. 

The minute you start talking about money, you realize you're not alone. You're girlfriend likely has the exact same issues. It's a beautiful opportunity for us to learn and grow. And it's platforms like this that provides that opportunity to break through those blocks.

[8:07] What are money blocks and where do these money blocks come from? 

All of our money blocks are basically those deep limiting beliefs that we hold and they impact our habits, our actions, and our decisions around money. 

These subconscious beliefs, whether they're true or not, once they're in our subconscious mind, we take them in as truth. Most of our deepest blocks are actually from our childhood.

When you were born, did you have any thoughts or judgements about money? No, it was a clean slate. As we grew older we became conditioned. So a lot of our deepest blocks are actually from our childhood. Mostly because we were in our subconscious state; from 0-7 or 8, your brain hasn't fully developed so our brain is in a subconscious state.

If you see your parents fight about money you will start to believe: money ruins relationships, money causes fights. Or when we were little girls we watched all of the princess movies, and saw Prince Charming come to the rescue, so as adults we believe that we need a partner to feel secure.

Then of course, we get older, and we take on societal blocks: you have to work hard to make money; everything is about money. So now we become conditioned by society, and on top of that we create our own blocks as women. We hold a lot of blocks around worth: I'm not good enough, I'm not enough, I need to compare myself to others. Something as small as that keeps us stuck, it holds us back, we don't go after our dreams, we don't advance in our business or our careers. And that blocks us from the money that we desire.

Unfortunately, we're all walking around with blocks that have impacted us from different areas and phases of our life. And that's why it's so important to Do The Work, because we don't always know what we're walking around with, unless we go deep.

[10:51] Let's look at a few examples of common limiting mindset beliefs around money, how can we release these abundance blocks?

You have to work hard to make money; hard work equals success
We need a partner to be secure 
Money can't possibly flow easily 

The beauty of the subconscious: One of the easiest ways to reprogram it is through faith and repetition. So the more you repeat the limiting beliefs, the more they become your truth. 

But of course you can reprogram that truth. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to investigate the block and determine whether it's true or not. What's happening for most of us is that we're just walking around with false truths and we've created them to be our truths. 

So one of the easy ways is to investigate the block, what was the first thing you heard or experience that created the block? Investigating that makes you realize, that I was born as a clean slate when it come to money, so this is conditioned within me, from what point in time or what area of my life?

Once you investigate it, you can then create your own new truth. This is where it sometimes can be difficult for people because if your money block is deeply rooted, you may only see it as a truth. But one of the easiest ways to shift that is you just find evidence. You can find evidence in your life, and if you can in your life, it makes it easier to reprogram in your subconscious. But if you can't find it in your life, think of someone you know who has this truth.

The more you can fill your subconscious mind with this evidence to proves that limiting belief is not true, the new truth becomes true. You're able to create this new truth and speak: money flows to me easily and frequently. I attract all the money that I dire. And then you start to reprogram  this new truth into your subconscious. It's work, but it works.

[14:06] On this show, I like to offer really tangible and practical techniques and takeaways. What are some money mindset methods we can start today? 

Affirmations are very powerful BUT you have to make sure you're using them the right way. An affirmation is not just like, let me throw out a pretty phrase every day, and say it ever day and close my eyes. That's not affirmations. You have to be intentional with your affirmations and you have to work your affirmations. 

The purpose of affirmations is to reprogram your subconscious through faith and repetition. You need to repeat it and have faith in what you're affirming for your life. 

First let's talk about the repetition: In order to talk to your subconscious repeatedly, you have to talk to it in a way that it understands. So when you're actually creating your affirmations, you have to create them in a way you subconscious understands, not in a way that your conscious mind understands. 

Important things you have to make sure your affirmations have: 

#1. PRESENT & POSTIVIE 
They have to be in the present tense (I am, I have)
Don't use any negatives (I don't want debt) 
You affirmation has to be positive (I live with expectation)

#2. FAITH & BELIEF: 
You have to believe what you're saying; you have to almost trick your subconscious you believe that you have it.

Other ways to activate money mindset today…

VISUALIZATION EXERCISES: 
Your subconscious doesn't know what is real and what isn't. Spend some time every day to visualize your future

SAMPLE YOUR DREAMS: 
Test drive your dream car, and while you're doing that ground into the emotions and scenes of the experience. Bring this into your every day life by bringing it into when you drive your current car.

[19:46] When I mentioned to the listeners that you were coming on the show, I asked them about what questions they had for you, and the word “DEBT” came up a lot: 

What advice do you have for shifting the feelings and thoughts of frustration, guilt, and shame some people have about their debt? 

We all have or have had these feelings, you have to shift your perspective. If you're spending money and in consumer debt, then you need to address the money blocks of the emotional spending. Obviously the shopping is somehow fulfilling an emotional void for you. Work on that. 

But, for some of us who are in debt because of investing in yourself: school, or starting your own business for example. When you're in debt for this reason, you cannot express gratitude for where you are now and express shame and doubt for how you got there.

Some one of the easiest ways to shift the energy is to write a thank you letter to debt. Express gratitude for your debt for being there for you and for supporting you and living your dreams. 

What are some action steps we can take to get out of debt? 

One of the easiest ways is to call your credit card company and ask what they can do for you. You might be able to lower your interest rate or get cash/points back.

Another way is to actually sort your debt based on the highest interest rate to the lowest interest rate. What you want to do is tackle the debt with the highest interest rate first. You want to make sure you're paying as little interest rate as possible. With the other debts, pay a little more than the minimum, and once the highest debt is paid off, snowball that payment into your next highest debt. It's the easiest way to get out of your debt fastest. 

Pay the minimums NO MATTER WHAT, so that you don't negatively impact your credit score.

 

PART TWO: Internal Money Journey

Switching our money mindset and connecting to money in a new way starts with us, and our internal money journey.

[25:52] What is the difference between internal and external sources of money and abundance?

Internal is basically what we can control, and external is what we can't control. 

External: Job, business, cash coming in

Internal: Where your relationship with money comes into play; how you want to relate and energetically connect to money. Think about how you talk about money.

[27:50] On your blog and Instagram you talk a lot about manifesting and vibrational frequency. This is a very popular topic on the podcast as well! What is one impactful way we can become a vibrational match with abundance? 

As women, the main thing that blocks them from attracting and manifesting is their level of deservingness and worthiness. When you go really deep into your blocks is that we don't feel deserving of our desire; for many different reasons. We're basically limiting our own level of worth. The easiest way to shift that vibration is you have to feel deserving. 

You have to feel like you deserve your desires, and when you feel deserving of them, that's when you're vibrating at the same level as them. You have to be in an energetic alignment, and that means you have to believe in your heart that you deserve it.

[30:58] How can we tune into our internal journey of accepting, attracting, and receiving? 

I always look at money that flows to me as a gift from the Universe. It doesn't matter if a friend is buying me coffee, or my employer is giving me a bonus. When you flip your perspective and realize that everything that comes to you is a gift from the Universe, meant for you, positioned just for you, you always have to say “YES!” Because in essence, by saying “no” you're really rejecting the Universe and block future abundance. 

Start small. Any time someone says they'll buy you a coffee, you say yes. When someone compliments you, say thank you!

[35:10] Where we can find Vanessa: 

Website: www.mintworthy.co

Instagram: @mintworthyco

[35:34] How we can support Vanessa's business: 

I feel for me, the vision that I have and see is empowering women to stand up when it comes to their finances. Be engaged, ask the questions. DM or email me. Don't hide, don't feel ashamed. Don't feel like you're the only one. I think the more we see women rise, the more we see women be bold with their finances, the more we can see this financially empowered movement. 

 

PART THREE: Rapid Fire!

[36:30] #1 What are you currently reading? OR Favourite book? 

The Illusion of Money by Kyle Cease

[37:27] #2 What do you love most about being a woman? 

I love how strong and powerful we are. Although we are emotional creatures, we are so strong and powerful. We can handle anything. And I think it's our strength even in the midst of struggle that makes us so beautiful. 

[37:46] #3 What does “empowerment” mean to you? 

For me it means, living beyond your limitations and your comfort zone. Fearlessly going after your dreams and not stopping with anything.

[38:05] #4 What are you currently working toward? 

On the mindset area, what I'm currently working toward, and it comes from the book I'm currently reading, is literally releasing the need for money. Really releasing that need, and that's something I've committed to as a personal journey. Releasing beyond the blocks and releasing the mental and emotional need for money.

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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E74: Money Mindset Mini Series Part 2 of 3: Action
 
 

E74: Money Mindset Mini Series Part 2 of 3: Action

Continuing our Money Mindset Series, and talking all about how taking inspired action will bring you to your desired results! PLUS learn how to trust and connect to your IGS...


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[2:12] RECAP

Episode #73: Part One: Awareness 

[3:30] Part Two: Action

[3:52] The Universe Has Your Back

[5:15] IGS: Internal Guidance System 

a.k.a. Inner Compass 

Take 3 Cleansing Breaths: inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. 

“Body show me yes, so I can feel it.”
Scan your body for sensations/feelings.
“I feel _____ in my _____.” 

“Body show me no, so I can feel it.”
Scan your body for sensations/feelings.
“I feel _____ in my _____.”

Money Mindset Mini Series

Part One: Awareness Episode #73

Part Three: Awaken Episode #75

 
Val Lavigne Life Women's Empowerment Podcast

Podcast Host

Valerie LaVigne

Valerie is the creator and founder of Valerie LaVigne Life and the Women's Empowerment Show. She helps busy and empowered women create healthy habits so that they can become the best version of themselves and transform their lives. Learn more about Valerie here!

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